#also my durge was doing her fucking best to be good at the beginning

[forestborg]

Learning to trust people is hard but at least tiddy is soft

[bitethedevil]

Am i delulu or does raphael admire tav/durge? I know its him performing, but as gale says "inviting to dine with devil is devils equivilant of serenade and roses" and first scene where we meet him he does eye tav/durge througly from bottom to top. Also he says "im fan of your work" to durge. So idk?? It lowey feels like raphael is fond of us in game but i need proof/ professional analysis. [Ahem you are the professional mouse afterall heehee~]

He Loves Us, He Loves Us Not: What is Raphael’s Relationship with Tav/Durge?

*Puts on my little mouse glasses* I’m glad you asked. I’m summing up a few points that I have also written about in another analysis called ‘Raphael and weaponized mortality’, so if that sounds interesting, you can find it in my reading list.

Everything about Raphael screams wolf in sheep’s clothing (or a cambion in man’s clothing if you will). Here are a few points illustrating this:

Cambions naturally have a really predatory kind of stench to them because they are entirely carnivorous. Yet, he is described as a perfumed trickster who smells of cherries and sulphur, most likely because he is trying to cover up that smell.

Poetry, an art that is very dependent on nasty mortal concepts such as ‘feelings’, is something we know he uses a lot. He’s not really good at it and he even says it’s not his ‘main interest’ to Karlach in the second act. His theatrical nature and use of poetry humanizes him, and I think he is well-aware of this.

When you call him out as a devil in front of Mol, he says something about how she wouldn’t believe them anyway, ‘not with his angelic complexion’. We also know that Gortash’s parents sold him to a ‘warlock’ and that’s how he ended up with Raphael. I’ve seen multiple places that that warlock is supposed to be Raphael himself.

Now this all makes me believe that he usually does not reveal his true nature to his clients unless: 1) they’ve already signed, or 2) they are so utterly fucked that they have already reached the point of no return with him and are forced to take his deal no matter what.

Yet, he reveals his true nature to us from the get-go. Yes, one could argue that the tadpole-gang does fulfill option 2) according to him and that’s why he does it, but I think it could also be something else. I think he knows from early on that we are his best bet, so he chooses to lay out all his cards on the table and tries to build as much trust as he can from the beginning.

This is also the function of helping us with Astarion’s scars. Dealing with a devil when you’ve never dealt with one before? Scary. Dealing with a devil when he has proven once before to keep his word? Much less scary. He’s ‘grooming’ us for trusting him to keep his word with THE deal (and he gets to fuck over Daddy Meph by potentially robbing him of a lot of souls. Win-win.)

I think Gale is right on the money when he says that it’s ‘a devil’s equivalent to serenades and roses’. Raphael is like a bird or something. He’s showing off, charming us, but also reminding us that he is big and scary. Although despite the fact that he is big and scary ‘he simply wants to help us’.

He’s done his research and already knows everything about us, so he knows exactly how to play us. This is demonstrated in the comment to Durge in the beginning and the thing he says in Last Light if you tell him he knows nothing about you: “Don’t I indeed?.

I really think that we turn into an obsession for him at some point and that the lines between the obsession about the Crown and his obsession about us blurs. This seems definitely to be the case in his journals. I mean the poor guy has nightmares about us…

I also am so sure that he is not even trying to trick us into anything with the Orphic Hammer. He truly does believe that the Emperor is a threat to us. See this:

I DO think he admires us or at the very least is heavily rooting for us. I don’t remember the exact quotes, but Korrilla tells us in Sharess’s that her and Raphael made a bet about if we would make it to the Gate, and Raphael won that bet because we had. He really believes in our merry little band of idiots.

His reaction if we betray him is also very telling I feel like. Notice how his eyes widen for a moment before they narrow and say the ‘You’ line. He seems surprised. In that whole sequence he is obviously pissed, but most of all I also just get the feeling of a man that has been humiliated and who is angry that he had put so much time, work, and trust into us.

He says that ‘he is fond of us, in his way’ and that I completely believe. It might not be out of love or affection or anything like that, but he is as fond of us as a cambion can be of someone. We’ve grown on him, and he sees potential and use in us. We fascinate him and I’d even go as far to say that he respects us. I feel like even if you give him the Crown of Karsus and he gets to rule the Hells, he will not forget the people who brought him there. He would not flaunt the fact that he had mortals help him get the Crown, but I think that when he goes on his spree to fuck up the realms outside the Hells, Tav and gang would at the very least be spared or even given privileges in that new world order. Is that a bit fucked up? Yeah…But we have to remember what he is: a devil.

(Thank you so much for the ask <3 That became a long answer. I love to yap lol)

[zoloteh-volossya]

I love your reblog on that Astarion post! What do you think is the best way to recruit Minthara while aiming for a more positive outcome for her? Personally, my favorite approach is "accidentally" destroying the grove by stealing the idol and then reluctantly aligning with Minthara. It feels like the character is acting out of confusion or desperation, not malice. This way, you still get that pivotal moment where she feels safe with your character and begins to break free from the Absolute. (and when you rescue her later she still hoped you would save her)

I'm basic - I personally prefer the knockout method. It's a pity that you miss the discussion after the sex scene and the romanced version of the conversation at Moonrise - it was a gifset of that conversation (see my pinned post) that grabbed me by the heart and dragged me into this fandom, after all.

But to me, it's important that Minthara isn't special. Her life isn't worth more than Alfira's or Dammon's or Mol's, ultimately. I personally care about her more, am more invested in her character, but struggle to justify the deaths of the refugees in the stories I want to tell. It's a different story, the act 1 scene, but to me the meat of the Minthmance happens once she gets her mind back so it's an acceptable loss.

(Of course, in my personal Mintharamance playthrough, I did commit Grovicide. My Dark Urge Krov was largely uninterested in getting involved in other people’s business, so I engineered the Worst Possible Grove Visit. She entered the grove, got robbed, didn’t step up for Arabella so she died, got poisoned by (then killed) Nettie, got arrested for trespassing in the kids’ hideout to get her stuff back, broke out, talked to Sazza and freed her, got the hell out of town, and then ended up murdering Alfira that night anyway. When Minthy told her to help raid it she was like, might as well, fuck that place, the only person I liked there is already dead by my hand.)

I think that triggering the Grove's violence via following Mol's request makes a lot of sense! It's definitely the way I'd go in a fic if I were writing a scenario where Tav/Durge romances Minthara in act 1.

In my fic ideas, I 'justify' the nonsense knockout option in different ways.

With my good bard Tav, she infiltrates the goblin camp for several days, slowly pitting Dror Razglin against Minthara (using Gut's death to stoke tensions between them). She was hoping to have the two sides fight it out and then have her team sweep in and clean up the survivors. However, all the goblins side with Dror. So then she just focuses on buffing and healing Minthara, figuring that the more goblins she kills the fewer the Tadfools will need to deal with. To her surprise, Minthara both wins and is genuinely grateful, tending to Tav's own wounds. In return for this unexpected kindness, she helps Minthara escape when 'adventurers' attack the camp, promising to distract them and then meet up with her at Moonrise later. (This fic idea began before the knockout method was added to the game, so you can tell I've been on my bullshit for a while.)

With my neutral ranger Tav, she doesn't infiltrate the camp at all. She sneaks into the camp via the other bridge, gets to high ground, and starts an outright assault. By the time Minthara is informed that the camp is under attack, everyone outside the shattered sanctum is dead. The bulk of the battle happens in the throne room, with all of the goblins and True Souls mounting a desperate defense against a two-pronged attack by Team Tadpole. They lose, but Minthara is able to overwhelm my Tav (mechanically much weaker than her) and make an escape, and the team is too exhausted to give chase.

Both of these have a very different dynamic with Minthy than a Tav/Durge who romanced her in act 1, of course. With my bard Tav, there's a preexisting connection, but also a betrayal - Minthara was used by this person, unknowingly danced on her strings. Regaining trust after that is a key plot point. With my ranger Tav, the arc is more one of coming to trust a former enemy (and dealing with the repercussions of becoming a drider, but that's unrelated.)

Thanks for the ask! That was... a very long answer. Hope you enjoyed it, at least.

[enduringmoth]

If it’s not too much to ask and if u weren’t already planning on it, I’d love to hear that secondary post about the consequences of the party’s actions regarding Durge’s reveal 👀👀 the first post rly resonated with me and honestly I’m a little obsessed with the idea of what drastic actions a redeemed!urge might take in the face of rejection,,, it was a rly interesting read nonetheless!

hello there!! i'm happy to talk a little more about it, absolutely! ^^

for those who didn't peep at the tags of my last post, in which i discussed how painful it must be to a seeking-redemption durge to be so heavily rejected by the party, i wrote in the tags:

this might not be exactly what you were looking for but i will do my best!

at the absolute least, i believe the minimum consequences of this interaction involve durge shutting down and withdrawing from most of the group. thinking in particular of my seeking-redemption durge, asha, she carries guilt interwoven with resentment -- she knows she has done wrong and that she deserves to bare the brunt of their rage, but she is also so furious with the idea that these people do not know how much she has done for them since waking up in that pod.

how many urges has she squashed? how many easy kills has she passed up on? does anyone other than gale (her romance interest) even begin to comprehend how painful it was to resist killing isobel, killing gale himself, and yet she did it anyway? because it was the right thing to do?

and yet here, when they all learn the truth -- durge included! they have fucking amnesia! -- it's almost like not a soul left there cares that they've clawed and fought and bled for the entire party at every point.

i think a lot about the dialogue durge has with astarion the morning after realizing they're a bhaalspawn. of all of the companions, he is the only person to realize something is wrong from minute one, and he asks about their sleep and their weights they carry. he then proceeds to empathize with durge, saying they are alike, and that he believes they will succeed.

and yet it seems no one else in the party feels the same, and that has to be agonizingly isolating for durge.

now, onto gortash.

at this point in act 3, the durge has (likely) found the prayer for forgiveness in balthazar's lab in act 2. this scrap of their past lets them know enver gortash was a source of tension in their following of bhaal, enough that they are begging for forgiveness from their father over their admiration and fondness for him.

for us durgetash enjoyers, this is a romantic entanglement. for those who do not see their relationship as romantic, it's still a clear platonic attachment for durge that shook their faith in bhaal's plans.

the people who have traveled with the durge for weeks are (seemingly) regretting that decision, and blaming them for things they cannot recall doing. enver gortash greets them like a friend, offers them a metaphorical and literal hand, reaching out to them when others are pulling away.

at minimum, it creates tension. gortash is "bad" and their party members are "good", right? certainly the durge cannot go on to support gortash in damning the world when that's the "wrong" thing to do -- right?

and yet.

if even those who the durge may have started to believe should be able to understand and accept them, due to having similar-enough struggles in their own past with domineering patrons/gods/masters -- if even they cannot understand, what hope is there for anyone else in the world besides enver gortash offering them that same acceptance?

why save a world that cannot and will not open its arms to you?

thusly, the next step is for the durge to minimum consider what gortash is offering. for me, the durge is most likely to kill orin before gortash anyway, so the first steps here are simple.

depending on how the party continues to respond, the wedge may deepen or back out. depending on how the durge continues to be exposed to enver gortash, they may be more drawn into him or pushed away.

another step up (or down, as it were) would involve who orin kidnaps. we know that she may take gale, halsin or lae'zel, or take the child, yenna.

a particularly bitter durge might let them die. why waste their breath on someone who could not find it in their heart to forgive them?

we proceed apace. i know it's (huge spoilers ahead) canon that gortash is slain by the netherbrain. but if we pretend that that can be avoided one way or another, i believe the second-to-most-nuclear option here is the durge taking over the world with gortash as he originally suggested. in turn, choosing to reject redemption (largely, considering they are still sparing gortash and bhaal wants everyone dead) purely because the party could not see them as redeemable.

(and let's not even get STARTED on how this would involve killing astarion too, the one party member who even got close to seeing her, because the pain drowned out his love too entirely.)

the most nuclear, of course, would be the durge deciding they could not even trust gortash, and instead killing him and embracing bhaal entirely, drowning the entire world in blood as bhaal would have wanted.

now, the bittersweet twist on all of this would be something of a happy ending with a redeemed gortash twist, as so many of us love. perhaps the wedge drives them closer to gortash, but along the way the party is able to prove their willingness to support and accept the durge. but now durge is tangled up in enver, and the only path forward, it seems, is to attempt to free both the chosen of bhaal and the chosen of bane from their masters.

(essentially the consequences of their semi-betrayal being that durge gets in too deep with gortash and they (read: karlach, mostly) have to accept that, but they all live happily ever after because the power of friendship yadda yadda-- my durgetash brain needs a crumb of fluff now and then.)

anyway, this is as disjointed as my sanity but i do hope you got some enjoyment out of it!

[arthurlightstar]

OKAY ARTHUR PLAYLIST MASTER POST -> Thoughts below the cut. More thoughts incoming since I can't put all of the audio links in 1 post <3

1. Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall, Simon & Garfunkel

Favorite Lyrics: UMMM like all of them 10/10 every lyric perfect. great lyrics for my delusional king

Why this song's on here: Good summary of how he feels about himself, his life philosophy, and how he thinks he can protect himself with lies. The vibes are just really good too

2. Animal Skin, Bryan Dunn

Favorite Lyrics: (You've gone total primitive / instinct just the will to live) & (But you never look better / then when you wear your animal skin) & (you were being kicked about / backed up, teeth and claws are out)

Why it's on here: I just think this is a generally good durge-identity issues song. It's very slayer coded too. Also the willing-to-do-whatever-is-necessary-to-survive vibe this song has.

3. Little Lies, Fleetwood Mac

Favorite Lyrics: (Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies)

Why it's on here: Because if I interpert this song as Arthur talking to Cyric it's a really really really good song for how he feels about his religion. He prays to a god and a religion who he asks to lie to him and to help him lie. It's his Cyric ballad!!!

4. The Littlest Things, Streetlight Manifesto

Favorite Lyrics: oh my god. so many. (I had a hole in my heart and I was looking for a piece that fit) (Can anybody out there tell me something true? / Preferably something that no one can dispute.) (I don't know where the lies end and the truth begins) <- how he feels about himself!!!!!! (There was a lie that I told myself 'til it became the truth.) <- how he feels about his fucking name!!!!

Why it's on here: IT'S THE QUINTESSENTIAL ARTHUR AMNESIA SONG!!! It's how he feels about his amnesia!! It's also got his exact brand of schemy-ness about his paranoia about his amnesia, and just the general way he's a slippery fucking bastard.

5. I'm Gonna Win, Rob Cantor

Favorite Lyrics: (It's hard to be charming / and smart and disarming / It's hard to pretend you're the best)

Why it's on here: It's Arthur's I will do whatever the fuck I have to do be the fuck whoever I have to be to make sure I survive whatever the fuck this hellscape I've found myself in song.

6. Feign Amnesia, They Might Be Giants

Favorite Lyrics: (Now I know just what to do -- feign amnesia / How I wish it wasn't true / Wish it wasn't true right now)

Why it's on here: lmfao it's on her because arthur would fake-fake having amnesia to pretend he doesn't actually have amnesia LMFAO

7. Mask of My Own Face, Lemon Demon

Favorite Lyrics: (Mask of my own face / I'd wear that) (I'd wear it to a hoedown and I'd dance with all the belles / and none of them would know that I was secretly myself / I'd rob my own apartment / and I wouldn't give a damn / I'd blame it on the person that nobody knows I am) (I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? / At handsome motherfucker, motherfucking looking back at me)

Why it's on here: bcs of all those lyrics LMFAO

8. Frankenstein, Rina Sawayama

Favorite Lyrics: (Put me together, thread and a need / So I'm like all other people without all of the evil)

Why it's on here: HOT GIRL ARTHUR SONG!!!!!!

8. Promiseland, MIKA

Favorite Lyrics: LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE

Why it's on here: OKAY GUYS THIS IS THE QUINTESSENTIAL THE DARK URGE SONG TO ME. ITS GOT EVERYTHING. ITS GOT DADDY ISSUES. ITS GOT IDENTITY ISSUES. ITS GOT RELIGIOUS TRAUMA. I WAS BORN IN THAT SUMMER WHEN THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE / I WAS GIVEN THE NAME THAT ODENS'T FEEL LIKE ITS MINE / LIVED MY LIFE AS THE GOOD BOY I SHOULD BE / PRAYED EVERY NIGHT TO A RELIGION THAT WAS CHOSEN FOR ME / SOLD MY SOUL BROKE MY BONES TELL ME WHAT DID I GET / TOED THE LINE AINT SEEN ANYTHING YET / STRIKE ME DOWN TO THE GROUND YOU KNOW IVE SEEN IT BEFORE / MAKE IT HURT ILL EAT THE DIRT / I JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE / HOW COULD YOU BREAK MY HEART? ALREADY PLAYED MY PART / I KEPT MY PROMISE MAN SHOW ME THE PROMISELAND / DONT OCCUPY MY THRONE GIVE ME THE CROWN I OWN / LIKED LIKE YOU TOLD ME HOW LOOK AT ME NOW AND AND AND ONE PERSON'S LIE WAS JUST ANOTHER MAN'S TRUTH / WE KEPT ON RUNNING FROM THE DEVIL BUT THE DEVIL WAS YOU / EVERY TIME I SEE THE LIGHT IM FALLING DEEPER IN DEPT / IF IVE NEVER SEEN THE GOOD HOW CAN IT COME TO AN END this is kinda my durge song of all time. i'd be making an amv to this song if i had the time to do it (continued on reblog since There isn't enough room for all of the links LMAO)

[bruised-halo]

Fuck it

Here's more information about each of my completed Tavs/Durges so far (Besides Zephyra but I have a pretty good feel for her personality already because I'm almost to Act 2)

Nyx:

- Mephistopheles Tiefling - Folk Hero Background - Level 10 Arcane Trickster Rouge and Level 2 Fighter -

First ever Tav - She's loosely based off of my first DnD character from highschool. I say loosely because I cannot customize her to her full potential on PS5 because there are no mods just yet :(

Once I DO get the ability to do mods here in September(?) I will be remaking her to look more like she should

Lawful good for the most part

Pansexual

Romanced Spawn Astarion

I imagine that she had a rough childhood but decided to make the best of it

Would definitely sacrifice herself without any regrets if it came to that (Out of any of my current characters she is probably the most likely to willingly become a mindflayer to save her companions) - I think if I was to play her character again she absolutely would become a mindflayer to save her companions. Especially if Karlach tried to do it first (I didn't know you could bust out Orpheus at the time :( )

Scarlett:

- Zariel Teifling - Haunted One background - Level 12 Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer -

First ever Durge - was not redeemed

Chaotic Evil

Lesbian

Romanced Minthara

Very loyal to Bhaal

Scariest Bhaalspawn I have created so far. Like girl is absolutely ruthless

Definitely a narcissist and does not really give af about any of the companions except for Minthara.

Probably the strongest of my characters. She was absolutely slaughtering everyone she came into contact with

Became the absolute in Bhaal's name

Definitely a doomed from the beginning antagonist

Only character of mine that has willingly become half illithid

Lyssa:

- High Elf - Haunted One background - Level 12 Oath of Vengeance Paladin -

First redeemed Dark Urge character - I absolutely loved her dynamics

Chaotic good - an actual chaotic good. Like girl is goofy

Did not break her Oath :)

Bisexual and Polyamorous

Romanced Spawn Astarion and Halsin

Pre lobotomy Lyssa was definitely a menace but not entirely evil. Very conflicted tbh

She did have on and off again flings with Gortash for sure pre lobotomy

I believe she first became a Oath of Vengeance Paladin to get vengeance on whoever robbed her of her memories. Post Orin's death I believe she kept that Oath of Vengeance to continue to vanquish evil that would hurt innocents.

Views Jaheira as a motherly figure for her and cares for her deeply

Her Dream Guardian was her adoptive mother that she killed when the urges first manifested as a child (the guilt will live with her for the rest of her days)

Lillith:

- Seldarine Drow - Haunted One background - Level 12 Berserker Barbarian -

Redeemed Dark Urge

Neutral Good - mostly heroic but did do some questionable things

Silent but friendly type once she gets comfortable with someone

Demisexual

Romanced Gale

Pre lobotomy Lillith was probably evil asf. But to be fair it was the only thing she ever knew. Girl was most likely besties with Gortash. Maybe some romance? Who knows? But most likley

Fun fact about Lillith: The eye that her tattoo is on changes from Red to White to symbolize Bhaal's grip on her being broken post resurrection from Withers

When she was first resurrected, she wished she would have stayed dead because she thought she could never repent for the heinous actions she committed while being under Bhaal's influence

Gale is the first person she has ever felt truly safe with

Willow:

- Mephistopheles Tiefling - Haunted One background - Level 12 Archfey Warlock -

Chaotic neutral/chaotic evil depending on which ending she gets - She is my only Dark Urge character that could go either way

I prefer her redeemed ending bc girl is traumatized but the evil ending also makes sense for her

Queer - she does not give af about labels tbh

Romanced Gale

Pre lobotomy Willow killed her first love Ophelia during a Dark Urge episode - safe to say her dream guardian is a dead version of Ophelia

She definitely went off the rails post Ophelia's death. I believe this event was the main trigger that led to her becoming fully devoted to Bhaal. There's nothing worse than losing everything/one you cared about after all

Romantic but also very toxic relationship with Gortash. Out of all my Durges she is definitely the most likely to have been all over that greasy man LMAO. Girl was FERAL

She is the only Durge who does reject Bhaal but also has the opportunity to become the Absolute depending on the choices she makes in game

Her and Ophelia are tragic soulmates in EVERY lifetime. One of them will always die tragically by the others hands. There is no reality where they can both live together happily ( Angsty I know LMAO )

Ophelia:

- Human - Urchin Background - Level 12 Life Domain Cleric of Selûne -

True Lawful Good

Only exists in the alternate reality where she managed to get the upper hand on Willow in self-defense. Unfortunately Willow dies due to this

Definitely my bravest tav. She will run headfirst into anything if it means saving someone in need

LESBAINNNNN

Romanced Shadowheart

Definitely the more rational one between her and Willow. She was always trying to keep Willow out of trouble. She loved it though. The chaos as definitely fun at times

Before Willow's death, Ophelia was trying to make ends meet by any means necessary. She was an Orphan and had no one to rely on but herself. Hence the Urchin background.

After Willow died, Ophelia swore to repent for what she had to do by becoming a life domain Cleric of Selûne. It definitely helped her grieve. It also gave her a purpose and led her to becoming who she is

The enemies to lovers dynamic with Shadowheart is the BESTTTTT. I highly recommend Shadowheart x Selûnite tav

The ending she gets with Shadowheart is just what she deserves. Like poor girl had it ROUGH

Zephyra:

- Githyanki - Outlander background - Currently level 7 Paladin of Vengeance -

Chaotic good for sureeee

Bisexual

Previously had a fling with Astarion but is absolutely in LOVE with Lae'zel (she pretty much so always was but she was in denial)

She's a little less rough around the edges than Lae'zel (especially in the beginning when Lae'zel still doesn't trust anyone yet)

Also far more knowledgeable about Faerun than most other Githyanki due to her outlander background. She loved to explore far and wide before the mindflayer abduction

She's definitely a romantic at heart but doesn't want to admit it just yet

She swore her Oath of Vengeance after her best friend went missing and is presumed dead. She just wants to know what happened to her (Spoiler: Vlaakith Ascension ending 👀)

Her and Lae'zel are definitely mother's to the githyanki egg from the creche

Her relationship with Lae'zel is absolutely adorable. They definitely complete each other. Zephyra was the first person to ever show Lae'zel the importance and feeling of softness when it comes to love

[crossdressingdeath]

Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe: Enver Gortash's genius will take us far, but fear not - those of Bane always fall to the same folly: they cannot see the beauty of obliteration. The Absolute hoax will garner false love from new slaves, but once I've built a large enough army, I will use our hold upon the Absolute's slaves to begin this vile world's end. I can see the path through Gortash's brilliant plan. Gortash, Ketheric and I will seize the Netherese relics that control the Crown, and then use the Crown to command the illithid Grand Design. The Dead Three, age-old foes, our dire patrons, will be bosom friends for a time. Father, you created me to be the last soul alive. When the time is right, and my power is assured, I will slaughter Gortash and Ketheric upon your altar, where I myself hope to die when the world itself is gasping its last. At the end of this all, Father, there will not be a single creature living. Everyone will die. Everyone will die for YOU. I will make you proud. [Note appended at the bottom of the page in a different hand] Ha! Orin was right about her sibling. - Balth.

First off: so this whole plan is a deal between the Dead Three? I knew Ketheric had ties to Myrkul and the Bhaalists' affiliation is right there in the name, but I didn't realize Gortash served Bane. That's interesting. Also incredibly concerning, I am very worried about whatever's got these three working together, it can't be good for life in Faerûn. Guess that explains why they're important enough to get loading screen text...

Anyway, more importantly! Did Durge write this?! Is this what got them tadpoled, were they planning to betray the other Chosen to end the world and Orin ratted them out? They don't comment on it at all, not even to recognize their handwriting, but given the amnesia and brain damage situation that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Getting some really strong daddy's kid energy from this, too. Like, they're going to end the damn world and kill everyone alive to make Daddy proud, that's... unhealthy. That's an unhealthy thing to do for parental validation. Don't do that. Although I suppose that does explain why they wanted the Slayer so badly, given it seems to be like. the ultimate expression of Bhaal's favour. Working on the assumption that Durge did write this I can't wait for Bhaal to actually make an appearance, I'm sure it'll be awful in the best way possible. The bit about them being created to be the last soul alive and them fully intending to die on Bhaal's altar at the end is also... a lot. Please can the party return the "let's help our friends escape the conditioning and/or control of the shitty incredibly powerful being who's been fucking up their lives" favour if/when Durge regains their memories, because I'm sure that's going to cause problems. And it seems like Orin did rat them out somehow, which... seems odd, given you'd think this would be her ultimate goal as well. If I had to make a guess I'd say either she's not quite as loyal to their father as Durge is, Durge got a touch overzealous in deciding what their father's will actually was, or this is Orin's goal too and she just wants the glory of being the one to enact it. Or maybe she decided that given Durge wrote this shit down they weren't smart enough. I hope they at least intended to destroy it...

Also: I haven't even met Gortash yet and I think I'm already starting to see why people ship him with Durge. I mean that "Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe" bit? The note itself is called something like Prayer for Forgiveness (I don't remember the exact name and I can't find it on the wiki but I'm certain it talks about forgiveness, if I'd thought of it I'd have made a note of it but I didn't), so the apology is very much the reason why this was written! It has the same energy as apologizing to your parents for falling for the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks, I feel. And an excellent opportunity for enemies to lovers...

[esa-marie]

I like making spotify playlists so heres a masterlist.

I'm still updating a ton of these and if you have any suggestions for characters/ prompts i would love to hear it

Fandom:

Shirt music with success of upon people || Flesh Cousin || Regretevator

Mostly compiled of songs that are utter nonsense, or fit the idea of a disconnect between your mind and your body.

Toxic construction Yaoi || Mannequin mark and Wallter || Regretevator

Songs that are pining, but also sad. bc divorce.

I just love to dance || Big Mama || ROTTMNT

Big Mama talks about dancing a lot in rottmnt. I threw in lots of girl disco and some more evil-vibed songs, ofc. (I love her sm im a #1 big mama defender)

FUCK YES! || Karlach || BG3

Karlach's story means so much to me. lots of songs to do with fire/ inevitability/ general badassery.

Fate spins along as it should || Withers || BG3

This one is the most WIP bc im sourcing a lot of the songs from old 13th century manuscripts, which is harder than it sounds.

Various White Knight Chronicles Playlists ( Cisna , Ceasar , Eldore , Yulie , Leonard , Kara , Setti/Grazel ). Since the fandom is actually incredibly small I might make a separate post for their playlists.

OC and others under cut!

OC

'What is it?' 'Home.' || Zael Stormveil || BG3 tav

Zael is my first tav when I started playing BG3. Im developing her more as I play, and started a tag for her on this blog

Was I sweet once? || Anatasios || BG3 Durge

Even though I havent finished my Zael run, I started a Durge run. Still more WIP than other playlists, and is about resist!Durge

Comin' atcha live from Avalonia! :3 || Elliot || LBP OC

Elliot, also known as console kitty, is a tv celebrity in avalonia! Ill spare you the rest of their lore for now, but their playlist is full of silly goofy songs, and songs about not feeling good enough, for whatever reason :)

Spidersona [Spider: Null] || Eve || Project Eden

My spidersona universe (Project:Eden) uses a different titling scheme than my other playlists. Anyway, Eve was a computer program who was ejected into reality. She now has to figure out how to be a human, and what being a human really is.

The Lizard || Lilith || Project Eden

Eve's best friend, who knew her when she was just a program on a laboratory computer. She has a corruption arc :3 (dw she gets better. Kinda.) gentle songs, and some not-so gentle songs

Doc Ock || 'Ock || Project Eden

A scientist who was employed at the same facility Eve was created. calculating, colhearted, cynical. at least for now (enemies to lovers??? P). Science songs and love songs, ofc

The Goblin || Goby || Project Eden

His tagline is "Imitations Limitations"-- a fish man cyborg amalgamation that was trying desperately to mimic the structures of pre-awakened Eve. But, that didn't go well, for him or the scientists. Not nonsense, but definitely songs that teeter on insane.

You said you know a guy? || Vance || Rottmnt OC

Vance is a scavenger, they go above the hidden city and 'scavenge' for things to sell below. Energy is his name, an he lives up to it.

You dont know me. || The Ghosts Official Playlist

I have several WIP projects, and Pastries and a Poltergeist is one of them. The ghost inhabits this old, run down, 70s house and is trying to get Maya to move out. but she wont. Melancholy 70s

I need this. || Maya Dufour's Official Playlist

Recent college graduate, she's about to find out why this house was insanely cheap. Stubborn. WIP.

This is a story about beginnings || The Librarian's Official playlist.

Ill spare the story for The Dead World for now, but The librarians playlist is a lot of epic orchestral and some medival songs sprinkled in.

Squash and Stretch || Cross || AVA/AVM OC

Living in-between a sketched figure and a stick figure, Cross is ever stuck in limbo. lots of video game songs/ songs to pick them up.

GameDev!Donnie || TMNT SONA Official Playlist

Gamedev is stuck in the world of video games for now. He doesnt mind a ton, although he misses his brothers sometimes. Filled with upbeat/happy video game songs

Monsters? That's Outrageous! || Gwen || Doors OC

WIP, but songs relating to the timeloop shes stuck in or the game itself.

Got it!! || Tracey || White Knight Chronicles OC

Songs for when your not the main character but still trying to be useful.

Technically I have more OC playlists but I think that's good for now ahjhkdbSAhkadk

Other

GET SHIT DONE (via killer video game soundtracks)

Over 40 hours of video game music (as soon as i finish a game it gets shoved into this playlist. I might reduce it in the future but I like the absurdity of how big it is)

She blinded me... WITH SCIENCE!!! || Silly songs about science

Specifically songs referring to science. This started as a Donatello playlist but then i fully committed to the bit. This is also technically my most popular playlist for some reason lmao.

A New Ghost Town

WIP playlist for a fanfic I may never make (each song is supposed to be representative of a chapter/ the chapter titles) (if you wanna know its dp and Gravity falls crossover)

Again, you'll see more playlists than this on my account (shared) But heres the tip of the iceberg :)

[traggalicious]

3 and 10 for the ask game?

Aaa hi! Thanks for engaging <333 I dunno which Durge to do for this so im going with my most developed: Anwir and Acheros!

3. What did Durge think of the little wannabe Tyrant at the beginning? Someone competent or someone who tries really quite hard?

Anwir found him interesting, and was impressed by his intellect and his work. It was refreshing to see someone outside of the cult, even if it was their family it was still suffocating sometimes. They did think he was competent, but didn’t quite get his ideas of dominating the city/world n shit like. What does it matter if everyone dies sooner or later? Anyway yeah overall he seemed interesting, bit of a tryhard what with the fits and the oddly artificial demeanour, but he grew on them.

Acheros thought he was a tryhard. Absolutely a useful one, but something about him just screamed insecurity. And that kind of. Clicked? She won’t admit that, like, ever, but they were kindred spirits in the sense that they had both been… set on a path, and were making the most of it and themselves.

10. Did the tyrant ever try to impress the serial killing godling and exact how horrible did it end for him? What sorta things did he do solely for 'the sake of cooperation with glaringly obvious ulterior motives?

Pffff. Their first meeting was an attempt to impress, for both Anwir and Acheros. Gortash absolutely wanted to get off on the right foot. Even if that was just leaving alive. He came with plans and offers, a concept of the plan to get those Bhaalist artifacts (to garner favor). And of course looked his best, even wore a touch of red. Imagine his surprise when he sees Anwir in their rat-bastard glory, tattered cloak and haphazard scars all over. Acheros at least meets expectations, the self-important bitch lmao. Both of them at least appreciated his efforts, even though they didn’t think all too much of him until they actually did shit.

At the heist, he bites off just a bit more than he can chew, bit *too* confident in himself lmao. It becomes a massacre—not that Anwir’s too upset about that. They have a good ol time, complete with mockery of Gortash’s lack of stealth. Acheros lets him get hurt just a bit before coming to his rescue; this leads to a series of debts being owed and evened out between the two as their relationship progresses, and kind of endears him to her because of his determination.

Once they’re more established, Gortash also likes to have Durge’s assistance w/ punishing those who step out of line. Durge will come through and Gortash will have some poor sap across from him, and they get to have some banter over whether or not this man lives or not. The answer is most often *not*. (And then they fuck nasty /hj). It’s very obvious that this isn’t *just* because it makes an example, especially when it’s private and aligns with a killing moon. But it’s silly i love them. Also, for Acheros, there’s more politics and patriar functions than strictly necessary. Acheros loves her schmoozing, especially when she gets to lead someone off into a corner to kill em lol.

@daemons-main

[bleedingheart-s]

🎫 gush pass because I'm curious about your BG3 ocs 🔍👀

BWEHDHFLAKFHFJDU HIIIII KUROH 🩵 THANK YOU FOR THE ASK AND THE EXCUSE TO GUSH ABOUT MY BABIES I WAS LITERALLY ROTATING TJEM EARLIER

some of them are with characters other than gale who i don't self ship with (yet- i'm tempted to self ship with pretty much every other companion too bless my polyamorous heart)

this ended up being so long i'm putting it under a read more

nox- fighter. dumbass (affectionate). Tries their best. Very reluctant leader. Absolutely no sense of direction (Astarion regularly asks why they all let Nox hold the map... it's currently upside down in their hands). Tiefs don't usually come in a green flavor so Nox is sort of shunned even within tief circles. They're also big so they inevitably attract attention- that's why they hate leading. Their biological parents abandoned them, and they were raised by humans (who loved them dearly). Misses the farm they grew up on. Just wants a quiet life and a couple of kids. Favorite color: blue, specifically the sort of soft light glowing blue of the Weave because its usually coming from Gale. They're SOOO protective. Them and Karlach are besties. Has more tattoos than shown.

ledi- paladin. She's smaller than your average aasimar and she has a bit of a complex over it. She WILL puff up her wings to appear bigger (it barely works.) She's sort of cold at the beginning, but she opens up as the story goes on. Her eyes are haloed by wings because she was rendered permanently blind in a fight (kind of like Kanan in Star Wars Rebels) (details pending). This changed her, she ended up switching her paladin oath from Devotion to Vengeance. She has a bit of a rage streak at the start of the game. Looks up to Aylin like a big sister. Hates Shadowheart. (I haven't gotten to act 2 with her yet but I think Ledi would want to kill her for what happens at the end.) Falls in love with Wyll and learns a lot from him. Won't touch alcohol. Likes having her hair played with. Preens when she's bored. Has a very... interesting dynamic with Raphael.

freya- ranger. Left her family behind as a teenager. Used to spending a lot of time alone in nature. mean lesbian. Hits it off with Lae'zel almost immediately, and they admire each other greatly (and in a very gay way). Takes no shit. If looks could kill, she'd have murdered a continent. Just wants to go back to her neck of forest and 'live in fucking peace'. Has a 'oh no he's hot' moment when she first meets Halsin after rescuing him. Completely self sufficient, she doesn't like relying on others (trust issues much? /j). Ends up making good friends with Jaheira and Minsc. Can drink half of Faerûn under a table. If you can make her do it, she snorts when she laughs. Only Karlach has so far. Minsc has gotten close.

livia- my s/i. Lore bard. Uhhh idk what to say about her 😭

i also have two new ocs i haven't managed to talk about yet!

sethe- resisting durge. tiefling, wildshaping druid. Has difficulty controlling their wildshape, so they're liable to turn into a pure white direwolf with eyes so blue they glow at any given point. Honestly prefers being in wildshape. She bonds with Halsin over this. They struggle greatly with allowing anyone to get close to them due to their urge, so Halsin is the only person in their memory to do so. Won't admit it, but she likes being scratched behind the ears while in wildshape. Better at showing positive emotions in wildshape as well (tail wagging, playful behavior.) doesn't like being hot (ironic for a tiefling)- and she will pant even in her bipedal form if she is. Admires Karlach and wishes they could be more like her. Likes rain.

anne- regular tav. sort of an s/i but not quite. human, storm sorcerer. Naive, a bleeding heart, refuses to think the worst in any situation- which causes contention with Lae'zel, Astarion and Shadowheart in the beginning. Fiercely loyal and will back up her friends to the bitter end. She was raised a noble, so she's poised and very charismatic. Knew Wyll before he took his contract with Mizora and honestly missed him after he disappeared. Her positive and supportive attitude wears on Astarion, and eventually he falls for her. Becomes great friends with Gale. She's braver than she looks but she'll be crying about it. Very homesick. Worries about her family constantly. Has a little brother. Likes spicy food. Smells vaguely of ozone due to her proficiency with lightning magic. Kinda looks like Anne Hathaway, hence the name.

[cielsosinfel]

here are my thoughts on all BG3 companions up through the end of Act 1 and very beginning of Act 2:

Astarion: light of my life, I am actually spoiled for probably 95% of his story, he is such a disgusting and rancid poor little meow meow and I want to see him grievously mutilated and tortured and then gently put back together again (repeat). As a faggy bi man he is the best #representation I have seen yet from mainstream media lmao. If i speak too much about him this whole post will be about him, sorry. Guro noncon yandere kink fanfic material out the wazoo, tho (Also of course I have many many thoughts on his character's narrative around trauma and healing or the lack thereof, but, too many words)

Shadowheart: I LOOOOVE HER I love her. I kind of wish they'd kept her as initially hostile and cruel as in EA after viewing video of it, but I also enjoy how she seems low-key and almost normal, though an asshole, and then BAM suddenly she's waxing poetic about committing terrifying emotional and physical torture in the name of her beloved mommy goddess. She is such an asshole and I feel like she gets soft on the PC weirdly fast, but I also do enjoy how playing Dark Urge informs the relationship dynamic as her backstory and personality unfolds, how the fact she becomes Best Friends with them despite the whole blackout-frenzied-murder and urges to eat corpses plays into her own issues and desire for understanding and connection (the memory loss and disconnect from her previous life and sense of self, the god devotion, wanting to make herself an even worse person in the name of her god, how completely committed she is in the art of torture and causing suffering, how she's simultaneously disgusted by and intrigued by Dark Urge's whole murder cannibalism urges.) Anyway yes she's great, I love her turmoil about not living up to her potential as a Shar-loving religious zealot and expert torturer.

Wyll: Wylllllllllll I feel like he was done so dirty by the writers between Early Release and Release. They should have continued to let him be an asshole warring with living up to heroic ideals, who just made a deal with a demon out of desperation for respect and appreciation. But he's fun in release too, just too low-key for me? With Dark Urge it's interesting because he is truly the most morally Good-Aligned party-member, probably, and I think about how he must grapple his morals with aiding and growing close to a murderous gore-loving freak. He's constantly having to compromise his own deeply-held ideals in the name of getting the tadpole out of his head, and I wonder about that constantly. At the same time, he's so focused on doing good and the cause of justice but is REALLY REALLY DOWN FOR GOBLIN MASS-MURDER... Like OK Wyll!! They kept that from Early Access at least lmao. His relationship with Mizora and the angst and regret he feels at signing a contract with her, for making this one major ill-thought decision while in a high-stress "do or die" situation, gets me, the way he's like, so resigned to it... How he's so resigned to being transformed into the very thing he'd dedicated his life to culling existence of (demons.) (The constant metaphors to being a pampered pet on a leash get to me.) Though you know, it still gets me he's lamenting how ugly he looks with horns, claws and fangs, in the middle of a party full of Tiefling who just faced a lot of life-threatening discrimination for looking like demons... lmao... especially when he's venting these things to a Tiefling Durge lmao... oh wyll...... Anyway I think he's sweet, and I have even more thoughts on him and Astarion being foils who need to fuck. I want to learn more about his daddy issues so I can give him a proper daddy kink. Wow, how is this the longest part of this post.

OK THIS GOT TOO LONG AND ITS ONLY THREE CHARACTERS!!!! I am going to an indie comics and arts festival today, I will come back to do the rest of the characters later.

[thenugking]

multiples of 5 for Val?

5: Dark Urge or no?

Nope, they’re my first BG OC and I wanted to get to know the game before playing Durge.

10: Are they proficient in playing any instruments?

Not in game, but I headcanon they have some skill in playing the piano, due to their mum getting them lessons in it when they were a kid. They despise it, like the good little Rebellious Goth they are.

15: What NPCs do they like? Which ones do they dislike?

For NPCs they like: Val loves kids and tried to adopt pretty much every orphan they met in the game. They adore the tiefling gang, Mol especially (biggest disappointment in the game was the end of her plotline being cut, I had to make up some stuff myself). They pretty much adopt Yenna instantly. I think she officially becomes their kid at the end of the game, along with Mattis and Silfy and maybe a few more of the tieflings, and travel to the Underdark for their Next Adventure with them. (Mol doesn’t, she and Val might think of each other as family, but she has Things To Do in baldur’s gate and is too independent to just follow Val around. She makes them promise to come back soon though.)

As for non-kid NPCs… The tieflings from the Grove, Isobel and Aylin, and Hope all kind of feel like family. And Arnell, Emmeline and Nocturne, because while they don’t know them well, anyone who’s Shadowheart’s family is Val’s family too. They liked the Emperor for a while, before it became too much of a manipulative dick.

NPCs they hate: For someone who tries their best to get along with everyone they meet and avoid conflict when possible, it’s a pretty long list.

Obviously they’re Not A Fan of any of the villains who hurt their companions (Cazador, Viconia, Gortash, Vlaakith). They fancied Orin to begin with, before she kidnapped Lae’zel. At which point, oh this is personal, get fucking dead, asshole. Slavers can also all go die.

Withers has not been welcome in their camp ever since “Arabella needs to go off by herself and not get any emotional support after the death of her parents, it’s Fine actually.” Fuck Kagha also for threatening a child like that.

Val maybe doesn’t hate Duke Ravengard, but they are not a big fan of him. Which… they legitimately don’t like how he treated Wyll, but they’re also projecting a load of their own father issues onto that relationship. They… would not have been upset if Mizora had killed him.

The character they loathe the most is Araj Oblodra, because they’re worried about being her themself. They liked her during their initial conversation. They had a nice little conversation about how weirdly into blood they both are, and yes, being bitten by a vampire is incredibly hot. And then Astarion was uncomfortable, and Araj was acting like his feelings didn’t matter, and Val was suddenly reevaluating every single interaction they’d had with Astarion, and deciding that they absolutely didn’t want to be this person ever.

20: Would they destroy the elder brain or control it?

Destroy. Earlier in the game, they might be tempted to control it, but by the time the endgame comes around, Val’s had so much bullshit thrown at them that they’re just, “I have had Enough, we are getting RID of this thing, I don’t want to fucking deal with anything else.”

25: What arcana major best represents your Tav?

I know nothing about Tarot but going off this website, (https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/ ) they feel most drawn to the Devil. 

Val believes, at the start of the game, that being half-drow makes them half-evil. Growing up as an unwanted bastard in a family of humans and your only knowledge about drow being what other surface races tell you sure can give you a load of internalised racism! Except that Val’s twisted this round in their mind to make it mean that they don’t have to take responsibility for any selfish unpleasant actions they take. It’s not their fault, it’s just inherent to their nature--they don’t want to be a bad person, but there’s nothing they can do to change it! They learn to let go of their shitty internalised beliefs and start taking accountability over the course of the game.

(Also they did make a deal with Raphael and end up trapped in the House of Hope for a while at one point, so That Fits Too.)

30: What’s your favorite thing about your Tav?

Oh man, it’s so hard to choose just one favourite thing about the Current Brainrot OC. They give me gender euphoria, but that might be more of a favourite thing about Baldur’s Gate because, I mean, I’ve had nonbinary OCs in Dragon Age and Elder Scrolls before, but not one the game would actually accept as nonbinary. It’s so good not to be cringing constantly when an NPC uses the wrong pronouns for my character.

For Val’s actual personality… hmm. I love that their default mode is a charming and easy-going people pleaser, because life is just easier when people like you and think you agree with them. But when push comes to shove… when kids are being hurt, or Araj is like that about Astarion, or when they’ve reached their very last straw with Raphael’s bullshit, the charm drops away, and Val will tell you exactly what they fucking think of you.

[beecreeper]

Part 2

This is Briar’s sexuality/kinks is a nutshell. Rough and kinky and switchy and freaky and, like unhealthy on purpose. “What I gotta do to find a sub who down to choke me?” Get you a man who can do both 💕

LOVE the vibes on this. Bit with the heavy metal and the sirens and the faux innocent “do you like that?” is just *chefs kiss*. Briar doesn’t have any rage about sexual harassment but she DOES think it’s very funny to seduce men to dominate and murder them. “Down on your knees boy, boo hoo.” VERY in character. Also vibing with the sarcastic prayer because throwing in religious imagery is always a plus.

This song is too explicitly romantic for Briar – she would NEVER say I love you – but disregarding that the manic obsessive murder energy is just right. This is the vibe when she fantasizes a little too hard about the day she finally murders Gortash properly.

A bit of Briar’s crueler, more torture-y side. She does like to play with her food. “Cutting you up will be so refreshing for me” is such a good line. She’s doing this just because she likes how it makes her feel. Empathy for another human life??? Never heard of her.

This one I really like for the bits that allude to durge as constructed, designed for murder and nothing else. “Am I real or a killing machine?” “The sultan's curse of cogs and gears [...] My clockwork claws, they tear and grasp”. Even through the singer is speaking like they relish the blood and violence, there’s still just a *hint* of the horror of being built for this by a powerful ruler with no say in it yourself.

This is song is extremely Act 3 Briar at Orin. She’s like OOH BITCH. YOU THOUGHT. TOO BAD I JUST REALIZED THAT I’M GODS FAVORITE AND NOW I’M COMING FOR YOU. BITCH.

OKAY LISTEN. LISTEN I’M COOKING. Like. I KNOW it’s an instrumental ragtime piece from a musical about the 1920’s but LISTEN. Chicago is a musical about terrible selfish people who on one hand get away with murder but on the other are still doomed losers. They win but they still lose! Pathetic greedy egotistical people who are never going to be satisfied and are thus going to be ultimately unhappy and also the stockmarket crash is looming over the horizon as a dramatic irony timebomb. The ending that this song goes to is these two people who are not friends but kinda made for each other anyway doing this grand finale dance in a big semi-real semi-not dream sequence curtain call! It also highlights how this has all been a show, a farce, a delusion, and that there’s nothing left to do now but finish it and take a bow. Do you SEE the durgetash vision yet??? A big grand send off to contrast how doomed they were from the very beginning and how everything they did was for fucking nothing and was always *going* to be for fucking nothing! These two horrible people hand in hand, on top of the world, perfectly in sync, but still fucking dying and losing anyway! For best results you can pair it with the song immediately preceding it, “Nowadays”, but honestly this alone still gets me.

Sorry to be a pony person on main but this song fits really REALLY well for Briar’s “good” ending where Sunflower talks her into rejecting Bhaal. She isn’t happy about it and certainly isn’t “redeemed”. “You tried so hard to make a hero out of me.” Sunflower gets literally the closest anyone could ever get to a “good” version of Briar but it’s still not enough. That’s just not in her. But the line that really makes it for me is “Did I get lost along the way? Lose my mind for a new identity” because of how her sense of self got all fucked up first by her tadpole lobotomy and secondly by losing Bhaal’s influence which was, like, the ONLY thing she had holding her identity together.

Briar Playlist Deepdive

Woe be upon you I wrote 1500 words yelling around music that makes me feel things

Rambling under the cut and also gonna reblog with a part two because of the audio limit

Starting with this because this is THE song that made me start compiling a playlist for her. THE Briar song of all time for me. Particularly her peak cult days. The “I want a life that will give me purpose” and “Don’t crack through my facade” lines delivered in with all the arrogant greedy rock star vibes hit especially good.

This one is very very much Briar’s pre-cult backstory. Honestly if I were to ever put the effort into a full animatic, this would be high on the list because I can see it SO WELL. The chorus “All the kids cried out ‘please stop you’re scaring me’, I can’t help this awful energy, god damn right you *should* be scared of me” is just sooooooo 🥺. I also love love love the lines “I’ve grown familiar with villains that live in my head, they beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead” as alluding to Bhaal sending her the urges to continue his own power and legacy.

This one I added really early in playlist building literally just because mushrooms. BUT there are some good in character moments to chew on ESPECIALLY the ending bit which is very much a vibe for Briar just after she murders her druid circle and decides AHAHA FUCK IT NO MORE FEELINGS EVER AGAIN.

This one is less about *specific* lyrics because the verses are kinda just vague ominous occult sounding stuff but OOH MAN THE VIBES ARE OFF THE CHARTS. If you want a song that captures of the vibes of a fantasy murder cult this is it.

This one is also pretty self evident I think, especially as the plot with Gortash progresses and her motivations shift just a *bit* from “I’m gonna murder everyone” to “I’m gonna take over the world and *then* murder everyone”. I like that “I'm gonna run this nothing town” makes me think of the city of Baldur’s Gate specifically. The “Bite my tongue, bide my time” line at the very beginning also reminds me of how she’s holding back her urge and *not* murdering Gortash until he’s done being useful to her. (This could also fit well into her post-tadpole vibes also. Biding her time in Act 1, actively planning to take the brain in Act 3).

I mean. Honestly explaining myself almost feels silly. It’s RIGHT THERE. This song is definitely a mutual one with Gortash, with both of them feeling this towards each other. A particular line that hits especially good is “Smells like something I’ve forgotten, curled up died and now it’s rotten” because a) yaaaaay rot imagery and b) alludes to Briar having deliberately killed that part of herself that tries to care about people.

Another one that honestly speaks for itself and a strong contender for a possible animatic because YAY CULT LEADER BUDDIES. I also particularly like this cover because I loooove the sort of wicked relish these ladies sing with and the more sultry of the two singers is one of my headcanon voices for Briar. Favorite lines include “If they say that I’m a god, that’s what I am” (so much so that I drew a piece for it) and also “If we don’t comply [...] I could see us being sacrificed or stuffed” (which I imagine Briar saying with a huge grin on her face at the idea).

This is one that I like to sort of fill in the nuance and contrast between Briar’s view and Gortash’s. “A coronation, a beheading, From the funeral to the wedding. Do you think they care where the crown goes?” is VERY much a bhaalist talking to a banite, you know?

[generallynerdy]

One life, I thought—a thousand deaths (Jon Antilles & Fay)

Summary: On Queyta, Obi-Wan Kenobi is not the only one to escape Durge and Ventress. One of the four legendary Masters, Jon Antilles, emerges from a lava stream despite knowing he’s going to die. He’s so sure of it that he crawls his way to Fay’s side, wanting to spend his last moments with the woman who he considers his Master. But she has other plans. Plans to make certain that Jon Antilles lives past today.

Warnings: Angst, Character Death, On-Screen Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, there’s both sorry, Self-Sacrifice, The Curse of Immortality, holy shit i made myself sad dude Word Count: 2,191

Prompt: Angstpril Day 2 - Sole Survivor

Author’s Note: listen I know nobody knows about these characters that are in literally one comic but I have FEELINGS about them okay?? Jon is meant to be a badass mysterious enigma but he screams sad boi and Fay is like...the greatest cryptid Jedi ever, I love her. So, of course, I decided to make them and Knol and Nico suffer. (Also I know Obi-Wan survived the mission but the Sole Survivor still applies because Jon is the sole survivor of the four legendary Masters, just in case that wasn’t clear.) I just finished this today, so the editing is minimal.

Read on AO3

*

Using the Force as a shield is, in theory, one of the easier skills a Jedi utilizes. That is assuming, of course, that the Jedi in question is in good health, a decent mental state, and isn’t under a severe amount of stress. If said Jedi is, say, three feet into a pool of lava, already bearing grievous injuries and the weight of the deaths of two close companions, and feeling the fading life of another, the simple task, understandably, becomes something of a problem.

Jon has finally managed to pull the Force around him like a blanket. It protects him from the bubbling lake around him now, but the first few seconds he couldn’t pull it off were torture.

As it turns out, lava burns. It burns like shame, like failure, like the nightmares Jon used to have about his Master abandoning him on a planet in Hutt space for getting just a little too mouthy. And it hurts nearly as much.

“Fuck,” he hisses. He makes a rule of not cursing, but right now feels like an appropriate time to break it. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

He claws at the charred remains of his robes. Contrary to popular belief, lava doesn’t melt initially, as Jon now knows. Instead of melting, he burst into flames for the few seconds it took to pull himself together, though they felt like an eternity. Red, throbbing burns litter his entire body, his hair singed but miraculously intact thanks to his hood, which is entirely ashes now. The pain consumes his thoughts, making his shielding start to flicker in and out.

And then, through the debilitating agony, a touch of something familiar.

Jon’s eyes fly open. “Fay,” he whispers.

Her light is dimmer than it should be, not flickering in and out mischievously like it usually does. But still, she makes an effort to reach out, to check on him. It sends a sob up his throat.

“Hold on, Fay, hold on.”

Clenching his fists, he opens himself up to the Force. His actions are ones of faith, not of desperation, and he lets it flow through him as he takes a deep breath. The idea of using one of his Master’s abilities would normally make him nauseous, but the disgust doesn’t even cross his mind this time as he prepares to teleport. He thinks of that open, flat space of rock that Obi-Wan and Fay ran to, their enemies close behind. Focusing fiercely on that distant image, he pulls on the Force and folds the two points—

Jon collapses on solid ground with a heaving gasp.

Every inch of his body protests the change, especially his knees, which burn when they make contact with the ground, but somehow he manages to ignore his own complaints.

Fay isn’t far, or she shouldn’t be, at least. The distance between them seems gaping when he tries to move.

Still, her light is fading fast. And he wants to be by her side.

So, Jon Antilles crawls on hands and knees, dragging his body across sharp stones and past bubbling streams of lava. He aches with each movement and cries out when it becomes too much, but he persists regardless. Something in him knows it may be the last thing he ever does.

Finally, he sees her.

She’s sprawled out, her chest hardly moving as her breathing becomes shallow. Her near-golden hair is filthy with ash and her eyes are dim. She’s hardly herself, Jon thinks, and feels his stomach sink.

Hundreds of years the great Master Fay has lived and breathed. Hundreds of years and he’s going to watch her die today.

“Jon,” she calls out weakly.

He pulls himself to her side, grabbing her hand with his own shaky ones. “I’m here, Master.”

They only met when he was a teenager, but he feels as if he’s known her all his life. They’ve travelled the Outer Rim together, following the Force, for decades now and he’s never regretted a second of it. In all but title, Fay is his Master. She was always better than Dark Woman, even when the bar was six feet under. The only record with both their names will be at the Temple, where the dead are listed, a handful of mission reports with other Jedi, and the stories the younglings share of the 4 legendary, nomadic Masters.

“Knol and Nico,” Fay breathes out, “they’re one with the Force.”

Jon grimaces. “Yes. And the Force is with us.”

She laughs, breathy and half-choked. It’s an old lesson, familiar and grounding. “And so too are they,” she adds.

“Where’s Obi-Wan?”

“Gone, with the cure.” She smiles just a little. “The Republic fights another day.”

Suddenly grim, he squeezes her hand. “But not us.”

A pause.

“But not us.”

The silence overwhelms them. The wind whistles in the distance, carrying with it nothing but smoke and ashes. Queyta isn’t the best place to die, Jon thinks absently. He would rather it have been someplace with flowers.

“I wish it could’ve been Jedha.”

He almost jumps at her voice, but her words jarr a surprised laugh from his sore lungs. “Jedha? I thought you hated cold planets.”

“Oh, yes, but not that one. Force, I should have taken you. The Force there is so...so strong, so pure, you can feel the kyber from the surface,” she explains, staring straight up at him. If anyone else were to gaze so intensely at his scars, he’d be uncomfortable, but she’s safe. She’s family. “And the Guardians of the Whills are so kind. I met a young one of theirs some decades ago. You two would’ve gotten along.”

Jon laughs a little. “You’re always looking to find me friends, Fay.”

Her smile turns sad and she lifts a hand to his face, letting it rest on his cheek. “You’re so young,” she whispers. “Too young to be so lonely, Jon.”

He shuts his eyes, lets himself be comforted by her touch. When he opens them again, she still has that gut-wrenching look on her face. He places his hand on top of hers, unsurprised at how cold they are despite the blistering heat.

“I’m not lonely,” he promises.

Jon doesn’t say that it’s because of her, Knol, and Nico, but Fay picks up the thought anyway. Her eyes fill with tears.

“I have watched so many I love die.” Fay’s voice wavers as she says it. He realises that it’s the first time he’s ever heard it do that. To be honest, he’d thought it was impossible. “Taken by age, by Darkness, by foolishness. Never have I met a soul as good as yours, Jon. And never a Jedi so worthy of love.”

“Fay…”

She shakes her head. “Your Master did not deserve you. The galaxy did not deserve you.”

Pulling her hand away from him, Jon squeezes it. “You did,” he says firmly, though his voice cracks.

“I hope so,” she admits with a rueful laugh. “I hope so.”

He smiles weakly. “I wish you’d found me first. But I thin-I think the Force knew when I needed you to save me. Because you did save me, Master. I could never thank you enough.”

She takes his word silently, holding his hand even tighter. “You never needed to.”

“Thank you,” he says now, even though it’s useless.

Fay’s grey eyes meet his pale ones and suddenly, she’s distressed. “You’re so young,” she repeats.

But Jon can see that she means something else this time.

“Not too young to do my duty.”

“Too young to die doing it.”

Jon thinks of Tan Yuster, one of four Padawans to die on Geonosis. The Jedi have experienced great loss these past months since the beginning of the war and so many so much younger than Jon have died in battle, the clones included. Of course, to Fay, they all may as well be children.

“I will go proudly into the Force,” he promises her. At your side.

Fay’s expression twists. “No.”

He scoffs. “I don’t think we have a say in it.”

“The Force let me live this long,” she says suddenly, as if it’s a realisation, “longer than I should have. Obi-Wan is gone, I’ve done what good I can, except...you’re here. Why are we here?”

“To say goodbye,” Jon offers.

She shakes her head, then tries to sit up, struggling until her would-be Padawan helps pull her up. “I’m done with goodbyes.”

“What are you—?”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish his question. Fay presses their foreheads together and grabs his hands with a newfound energy that terrifies him. Chills go up his spine when her presence in the Force covers him like a blanket. Warmth climbs up his hands, then his arms, and with a glance down he finds that his skin is healing.

“Fay, no!” he cries, trying to shove her away.

She only tightens her grip. “Stay still, Jon.”

She sounds more like herself, certain and unwavering. Jon would be happy-crying if he weren’t horrified. He tries to drag himself out of her grip, but she’s impossibly strong. Her healing creeps up his entire body, soothing his burns, though scars remain behind.

“No, no, no—FAY! Fay, stop it!” His screams turn to sobs. “You’ll die, stop—!”

“I already am,” she says, just as certain in her abilities as her fate. “But you don’t have to.”

Trembling, his attempts are weaker now but still there. “Please, please,” he begs. “Not without you!”

Tears stream down her cheeks. She allows herself a moment of weakness; she opens her eyes and meets his tearful gaze, remembering the teenager she first met. He was so scared and so brave. And for a moment, she’d thought he must be a ghost. But no, he was just a boy. For the first time in a long time, she had let herself build a bridge between them, like Knol and Nico before him, even knowing she would have to watch him die one day.

Now, she thinks with fierce stubbornness, she won’t have to.

It feels like her life is leaving her for him, though she knows it’s just fading into the Force. It’s to it that she speaks, the cosmic energy she’s dedicated her long, long life to.

“If anyone is deserving of the time you’ve given me,” she gasps out, “it is Jon Antilles.”

She doesn’t see the horror in Jon’s face, but she can feel it in his quiet Force-presence, so subdued. He hides himself on purpose and it truly breaks her heart. His light is so strong. The galaxy is all the better for his existence.

“I don’t want this! Fay, I don’t—let me die, please—”

Fay only lifts her head and kisses his forehead, the sort of gentle gesture a mother might give her son. “One day,” she promises. It rings with truth, with the strength of the Force behind it. “But not today.”

Jon cries out and tries to rip himself away, but freezes when pure light washes over him. The warmth he’s always associated with Fay soaks into him, healing all his wounds in an instant and rejuvenating his fading energy. Stars burst before his eyes, like he’s seeing into the very universe beyond Queyta, beyond what he’s meant to see with his petty Human eyes. In another instant, it’s gone and Fay is slumping over.

She falls to the ground with a thump, a noise that jolts Jon back into focus.

“Master!” he sobs.

He pulls her up from the ground with the sickening realisation that she’s a complete deadweight. She’s limp in his arms, already paling. Desperate, Jon pushes her hair out of her face and finds...nothing. Her eyes are dull. With his fingers on her wrist, he can’t feel a pulse.

“Fay?”

The steady beat of her Force-presence is gone, a gaping hole in his universe. Their bond, one strong enough to resemble a training bond, is shattered, a physical pain that throbs in his skull.

Jon begins to hyperventilate, his sudden gasps for breath burning his now-perfect lungs.

“Come back,” he begs Fay’s corpse. “Fuck, please. Please, come back.”

He pulls her into his lap, clutching her robes like a child being left behind for the first time. It doesn’t hurt to move anymore and, thank the Force for it because his entire body shakes with the force of his cries.

Overwhelmed with grief he’s never experienced, Jon wails into Fay’s shoulder, rocking back and forth. The agonizing sound rings across the valley, a noise like torture.

It’s only now that he feels the frayed edges of his bonds with Knol and Nico.

He screams again, his vocal cords protesting it sharply.

The last time Jon was this alone, he was a child. And now, he’s right back where he was before he met his three closest companions. Except now, now, he knows what it means to love and to lose. It aches. It aches like nothing he’s ever felt.

“Please,” he whispers hoarsely. “I can’t—I need you. What do I do? What am I supposed to do?”

He never gets an answer.

*

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

Masterlist

[kimmkitsuragi]

WELL HELLO to my new tav who will absolutely make astarion worse <3

i tried my best to make her look like cazador !!! honestly im happy w it so far. she's a high elf, storm sorcerer. my first time playing a sorcerer so im excited for that as well <3

i like this shot a lot here hehe. also i like the character portrait a lot too (dont know how well it will look on tumblr since it's tiny but sdhfdfs) :

weeeeell i made her a storm sorcerer bc fuck cazador spamming call lighting on us !! lol and the starting dress of this subclass looks soooo good i love it (and im playing on explorer this time so it might all be a little easy anyway but it looks like combat will be very fun w sorcerer)

also, if i was astarion i would be like are u fucking KIDDING ME after seeing lucilla like ???? oh i know for sure now gods really do hate me huh 😭

i just realized i never explained my thought process behind this btw: i LOVE the take on cazador's "favoritism" of astarion being because astarion looks like vellioth. this is an insane crazy punching walls chewing glass kinda take if u ask me. like cazador being calculating and cold to the other spawn (wrt his ascension plans too), but him turning astarion being a crime of passion for him....... because he looks like his old master......... insane ! so i was like, what if astarion has a similar experience with his "dark consort". he may start manipulating lucilla for his usual reason (protection) but later it turns into a similar obsession. obviously post-game (perhaps even a century later or something) lucilla will be the vampire lord after being fed up with astarion's bullshit treatment and killing him. cycle of violence etc,, but in the beginning, she thinks that she's the one in power over astarion (and perhaps it's true to some extent), which is why she agrees to ascension and becoming a vampire. bc she thinks ultimately it will grant her power too. but well obviously she ends up as a spawn to ascended astarion............ for him, she's the one "with the sweetest screams" now <3

i could probably write more but well if anyone's reading this, im sure u guys get it :3 also im so mind foggy as always lol sooooo tldr i will enjoy this playthrough VERY MUCH i feel like :^) whenever i get around to playing it lol

side note: after lynn (who i will continue as my main run i think), playing with lucilla a little bit felt so !!!! bc playing an actually good character feels so hard to me lol. like lou was good too, but he was also not the hero-type selfless good. he was very much looking out for himself first, and also wasnt against manipulation when necessary lol. lynn is the selfless hero-type... meanwhile lucilla will be absolutely chaotic and power hungry yayyyy

(rip to my other 2 durges laila and llywelya,, they aint dead but i still havent played w them for more than 1 hour or so lmao)

(also i think i might romance gale with llywelya. i can see him being down bad for the hot barbarian buff half-orc lady. i have the vision now i understand it) (this means i have new other ideas for a laezel romance obviously...) (also cant wait to be absolutely evil w laila for minthy because i STILL havent even met her properly lmao) (maybe i should side w minthara in my lucilla run hmm) (welcome to my twisted distracted mind w all these parentheses lol)

i just created yet another tav BUT hear me out... i made her have cazador's features (as much as i could, without mods) and she will have the ascended astarion romance route. obviously .