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subdee · 5 years ago

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10 Songs Meme

Tagged by @hxhhasmysoul. I believe I’m supposed to list 10 songs from a playlist and say something about each song but all my playlists (on Youtube - mostly Kpop) are at least a year old ^^;;;

So instead, I figured I'd list 10 songs I like to sing. These would be Karaoke Songs, but a lot of them are deep cuts and not on any karaoke machine ^^;;; So instead they are Shower Songs.

Looking over this list, my taste becomes clear:

1) I like codependent two songwriter bands; and especially those bands with rich creative partnerships and lots of extra-musical material for fans to obsess over. When it comes to some things, like books, I'm a fox and I read widely across a lot of different genres; but when it comes to music I'm a serial hedgehog and I just get OBSESSED with a band and devour everything about them for weeks and months and sometimes years at a time.

2) I like songs with interesting, somewhat old-fashioned melodies that are fun to sing and have good/interesting harmony parts.

3) I like songs that are openly and earnestly emotional. In real life, I'm fairly restrained (and in my writing too I think - lots of restraint and understatement). But man life is too short to not embrace your strongest emotions in music.

Anyway here's the list, behind a cut because I wrote a lot LOLOL:

***

Jayhawks - Blue.

My first bandom! This is not my favorite song of theirs off this album BTW – that would be Real Light or Over my Shoulder – but it’s the quickest and easiest way to explain their Codepence Aesthetic, including the way their voices blend (called The Univoice by fans) and in the visuals of the music video (twins). Their other well-known song in this vein, BTW, is Two Angels - the song that got them signed to American Records by Rick Rubin, who produced this album.

Anyway I am a SUPER fan of this group. I was on the forums back in the days when we used to, get this, trade physical CDs of live recordings in the mail – both because the lossless audio files were too large to upload, and also because the band disapproved of online music sharing. They’ve reversed this stance, or at least Gary Louris has, and you can find hundreds and hundreds of high-quality live recordings online now.

This is a band that (like the Libertines) played live for seven years before getting signed; they have tons and tons of material that never made it onto their studio album, but that fans recorded, organized and passed around.

***

Green Day - When It’s Time

This is actually RJ’s first obsessive band, not mine (though like many people my age, I owned all their records and I can sing pretty much every major label release of theirs from memory). Green Day have a really distinctive sense of melody and their songs are REALLY fun to sing. This is a relatively unknown but amazing song that RJ covers out a lot at shows and that always gets a positive response. People may not realize this but Green Day draws from a lot of influence outside of the pop punk genre including 50s do-woop and you can hear it in this song; also in Brutal Love, another song that’s REALLY fun to sing.

***

Brooks and Dunn - Neon Moon

This will sound corny but I think one of the reasons RJ and I work as a couple is because we have very compatible taste in music... one of the things we both like is the 90s country revival, though RJ likes more mainstream country and I like alt-country like the Jayhawks, Wilco, Sun Volt, etc. Anyway I came to my Jayhawks love as a preteen because my mom also liked them; and RJ likes Brooks and Dunn because his dad also liked them.

This is a singer-songwriter pair of the type that’s actually pretty common in country music. @Minimoonstar’s sister Lucinda, who used to work for Touchtunes, told me that country is one of the easiest genres of music to license because there are generally only two music credits on each song – the person who wrote the music and the person who wrote the lyrics. (The hardest genre to license, by the way, is rap – due to the politics of the scene generally **EVERYONE** who worked on a track has a songwriting credit).

***

Cranberries - Linger

Another beautiful song with beautiful harmonies that RJ and I both like. I actually don’t have too much to say about this except that it is perfect, XD, and I really want to learn how to do the harmony part properly.

***

Fastball - Falling Upstairs

Actually this is not the fastball song I sing the most - that would be Til I Get It Right or maybe Halfway Girl or The Feeling is Gone - but I figured I’d share this since it’s probably not the sound most people associate with Fastball, the late-90s “One Hit Wonder Band” who wrote The Way, Out of My Head, You’re an Island and Fire Escape.

After I broke up with my first girlfriend, I was depressed for about nine months and I listened to this band constantly. Their discography is a lot deeper than a lot of people know and they are a two-songwriter band, which if you guys haven’t figured out by now is a Thing for me.

(Though in the case of Fastball, it’s more like these two songwriters just happened to share a band that just happened to get really big; in their two big label releases before they called it quits and put out a best-of CD to get out of their contract, the writing credits would actually alternate, Tony-Miles-Tony-Miles. That gives you an idea of the tensions that may or may not have existed in this band at that time, though they ALSO ended up reforming a few years later and these days they seem to get back together every summer to hit the festival circuit, recently with Sugar Ray.)

Anyway a co-written song I really like from them is She’s Got the Rain which is Beatles-inspired. You guys will be doing yourself a favor if you check out their discography and particularly, the live recordings on ytube and the Internet Archive. They are REALLY fun to sing, probably my favorite group to sing actually, the melodies are just so good.

***

Crowded House - Catherine Wheels

One of the reasons I got so into Fastball when I was having a hard time is that I had a mix CD in my car that was put together by me and my high school friends when we graduated. It had 1-2 tracks from each of us on it... I can’t remember what I put on there, possibly Social Distortion and the Walkman’s The Rat? I got a lot of my music from the livejournal community FST (fan sountrack) back then and I remember The Rat was from a Fruit’s Basket FST where all the songs had the names of an animal from the zodiac in the title. Anyway. My best friend in high school, V, put some Fastball songs on that mix CD and so this band had immense nostalgic value for me, even though I didn’t get really into them until later.

And this is another example of that – V left her Together Alone CD in my car and later when I was depressed I just listened to that CD on repeat. Crowded House are maybe not the trendiest group on this list but the harmonies (with the now-late drummer, who I think a lot of these songs are about actually) are really beautiful. Also, all the songs on this CD are written with tremendous empathy for difficult personalities, something I could sympathize with at the time.

***

Linkin Park - Waiting for the End

What does it say about me that so many of the songs on this list are other people’s favorite songs? XD;;; Anyway, this was a song that a girl I lived with England really liked and would play a lot. That was an intense relationship. Yeah. We eventually lost touch because I’m not good at email. I hope she’s doing well today.

My favorite Linkin Park album is Living Things; I like Burn it Down, Castle of Glass and Roads Untraveled.

***

GDTOP - Oh Yeah

And now for something different XD. This is a side-project by the two rappers in the idol group Big Bang. Since I don’t speak Korean, I wrote English lyrics for this and I sing this song often whenever I’m in a good mood. It really captures the feeling of overflowing and overwhelming happiness (but not quite tipping into like a mixed or unpleasantly racing manic state).

BTW for those of you who didn’t know, I was a ***huge*** Big Bang fan years. My first girlfriend liked them and this is one of the most codependent Kpop idol groups ever. Some other songs I wrote English lyrics for and sing often are Heaven (a song that’s so overwhelming & ecstatically happy, it burns itself out into sadness before the first verse is even over); Tonight (a song about mania and inter-band drama that’s mixed to already sound like it’s coming from the biggest group in the world; plus Gdragon toured the entire album in a skirt <3); Sunset Glow (a cover/remix and probably their best song); Of All Days (depressive TOP single) and Friend (TOP and Taeyang single for a movie soundtrack that also had the TOP-GD-Taeyang single Halleluyah on it; all songs about missing friends that were written while the band was taking a break to do solo projects).

These songs capture the cycle of burning up, burning out, breaking up and regretting perfectly; and also a variety of very complex and extreme emotional states. I listen to them so I can understand myself and other people, you know? And they are still great; I don’t care how much of criminal scumbag Seungri turned out to be.

***

B2ST - Midnight

I was never that into B2ST but this song is just undeniably great XD. It really captures that mixed-state aesthetic that defined the early B2ST (and Big Bang) discography - a specific mix of mania and sadness that I think Kpop does a lot better than American pop.

Although I didn’t follow B2ST, I did follow Shinsadong Tiger, the composer on this track. In fact most of my Kpop fandom (after I had watched all the Big Bang videos) consisted of obsessively following composers from project to project – so Shinsadong Tiger, Brave Brothers, Sweetune, etc. This was quite easy to do as all of these composers had large followings and often, singles would be advertised as “The new Brave Brothers single” and not “The New single from X idol group”.

I also liked the house composers from the Big 3 companies - Kush (not Teddy) from YG, Jinyoung Park from JYP Entertainment, Yoo Youngjin from SM Entertainment. And “hitman” Bang who produced the (excellent) first T-ara album and who’s probably better known now as the CEO of Big Hit Entertainment, BTS’ company.

If you guys want receipts let me know, I know a lot about this LOL.

***

Libertines - All At Sea

We’re going for the deep cuts here, guys. ^^;;; Of all the rabbit-hole codependent bands I ever got obsessed with, this rabbit hole was probably the deepest, darkest and most all-consuming. For instance, I sometimes worried about the members Big Bang killing themselves once they were no longer in the spotlight; but with this band you would wake up every day half-expecting Pete or Carl to be dead.

People who say “fiction doesn’t affect reality”... well first of all they don’t really mean it, and secondly they were never obsessive Libertines fans. ^^;;; This is a band for whom the line between fiction and reality was blurry at best; and besides that they were active online at the very beginning of the social web and used to post all kinds of deeply personal stuff about themselves on the band’s forums where the fans could read them and post their fan-theories, which the band would then read and act out.

Some other really great Libs deep cuts would be Half Cocked Boy, Plan A and Smashing. You can hear the variety of influences and especially the 50s skittle and French cinema influences here.

If you really wanna understand the process of going down the rabbit hole with this band, BTW... well I don’t know if I’d recommend it actually, though everyone is still alive and in therapy so yay happy ending? But my friend Sabina who was my partner in crime during this time wrote about the experience at One Week One Band here.

***

Patti Loveless - Lead the Parade

Another artist RJ likes and that I like a lot, too. Though I think this album is probably a little too cleanly produced for my (current) aesthetic, like the Brooks and Dunn albums. But this is just a really beautiful song (and another song I really really really wanna learn the harmony parts for).

This song also has personal meaning for RJ; but that's not my story to tell.

***

Bonus:

Tim Hardin - Reason to Believe (Jayhawks cover)

Probably the most frequently-covered codependency song of all time.

#musicblogging #real life i guess #tag games

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were-dragon · 6 years ago

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Sharing room, sharing life

Here comes the new year of our Lord 2019 and with it I bring you my fic for the day 1 of Peapod Mchanzo Week 2 with the prompt: Oh My God They Were Roommates! (which btw I love XD). With it, I honor my resolution to be more productive on the writing front. fingers crossed

Please enjoy!

P.S.: This will be a very McHanzo year for me, I feel it in my bones!

Words: 3+ k

Rating: G/T

Pairing: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada

Tags: oh my god they were roommates, getting together, supportive little brother Genji Shimada, Hanzo Shimada is his usual guilt-ridden self but he’s trying okay?, Genji has no time for your cowardice Hanzo go talk feelings like the adult you are suppose to be, Jesse is precious and I want him to be my best friend too, Peapod McHanzo Week

AO3: Sharing room, sharing life

“That is…”

“It does not come close to the luxuries usually reserved for the Shimada oyabun, I know.”

Those words spoken in the voice of his brother were enough to squash any and all reservations Hanzo could have. Instead, he gave a shallow bow to his brother.

“This is more than enough.” And then like an afterthought. “Thank you.”

For a moment he foolishly thought that would be it but then his brother let out a mechanically sounding sigh.

“It is not a permanent arrangement, brother. The cleanup and reconstruction go slow as we cannot hire anyone but with another pair of hands it will go that much faster.”

Hanzo made sure his face did not betray even the slightest shadow of his thought on that matter.

He swore allegiance to his brother’s cause, knowing it will come with its difficulties. It is only fitting, after all. He might not have expected one of those would be sharing a room with a virtual stranger but he will manage.

“It is alright, Genji. I have grown unused to the luxuries you speak of in the past years regardless.”

The silence following nearly made him wince. How foolish. He had no right to compare his past years of discomfort to whatever Genji had gone through.

Cold, metallic fingers touched his shoulder; the temperature difference startling even through the silk kyudo-gi. He managed not to flinch away from it, though he couldn’t stop his muscles from tensing.

“I promise, brother, this is temporary. I do not wish you to be uncomfortable here. I hope we can rebuild. In more ways than one,” he added with an amused kilt to his distorted voice that was so very much Genji Hanzo’s throat tightened at the influx of emotion.

After that, Genji left him to his own devices. Hanzo made his way to the unoccupied side of the room, testing the bed and mattress while taking the rest of the room in.

It was certainly lived in, though not in the usual sort of way. There were barely any personal objects Hanzo noticed. The bed had clear sights of use and there were clothes at the foot of it but there was hardly anything that would tell Hanzo more about his roommate. No pictures, no trinkets, nothing. And there was an unpacked bag under the bed, very much mirroring where Hanzo pushed his own bag under his new bed.

In a way, those were some hints at least. The man was probably drifter like himself nowadays. And he knew it was a man because Genji told him as much. That and a name. Jesse McCree. Genji said they were friends from the old days. Also that the man agreed to share a room with Hanzo.

That could go many ways. But Hanzo trusted Genji and his brother seemed to have full confidence in the arrangement.

Hanzo took in a deep calming breath through his nose… and immediately scrunched it up in displeasure.

And he was a smoker. Delightful.

Surprisingly, he did not meet one Jesse McCree until after the evening meal was done with and he retreated back into his- their room.

He walked in just as a plain tan shirt was half up an impressive expanse of tanned and heavily scarred back. With quite the pleasing muscle definition.

“Ah.” Hanzo let out eloquently just as the man turned around, his brown hair tousled as he finished pulling the shirt off in a hurry. Hanzo politely turned his gaze away but not before his brain managed to categorize several even more pleasing details; the slightly staggering amount of chest hair among them. “I apologize. I did not mean to barge in on you like that.”

There was a noise of recognition, quickly followed by a chuckle.

“Nah, is fine, pardner. Ya must be Genji’s brother, nice to finally meet ya.”

At that Hanzo’s gaze snapped back to the man expecting a mocking expression going with that sentence but receiving instead a broad smile and a hand thrust in his direction. It took him embarrassingly long to shake it but McCree patiently waited for him to gather his bearings.

“It is nice to meet you as well, Mr. McCree.”

A deep chuckle that very nearly sent shivers down Hanzo’s spine.

“McCree is fine. Or Jesse. I don’t dwell on that mister stuff much. Been an outlaw far too long for that.” There was something in McCree’s expression, hidden behind the happy exterior, that Hanzo felt keenly in himself despite not being willing to name it.

That was enough for Hanzo to make a decision.

“You may call me Hanzo. Thank you for sharing your space with me.” He bowed to McCree very slightly. More of a hint than anything but clearly enough to fluster the man.

“Um, think nothing of it, really. I think we’ll get on just fine.”

His grin was dazzling.

And get on fine they did indeed. Hanzo joined the organization with a single goal in his mind; to earn Genji’s forgiveness. In his mind, he could not be forgiven so easily, no matter what Genji had said. There was much to atone for.

But as the days went on, he found himself more often than not in the company of the resident gunslinger. And he discovered he did not mind. The man was friendly and talkative but he could respect Hanzo’s need for silence. He had no inkling how the man did it but not once had to Hanzo ask for space or quiet.

It was after he brought the subject up with Genji that his brother told him McCree’s ability to ‘read the room’ was uncanny. Almost infamous, especially when it came to his commanding officers as he knew exactly how far he could push before he got into real trouble. Hanzo understood why McCree and Genji grew so close in the past despite their troubled pasts, they both were of the rebellious sort when it came to authority.

He knew about McCree’s past partly from his brother, partly from the man himself. He did not shy from talking about his days at in the old Overwatch, he hinted at his life in Blackwatch, and more often than not made fun of his days in Deadlock. Very much in the way Genji nowadays made fun of his life with the Clan. That told Hanzo enough and he did not pry for more than the gunslinger was willing to share. And he did find his stories amusing. It was no hardship to let McCree steer the conversation in that way.

The companionship was something he came to treasure much faster than he would ever guess possible. It could have been in part thanks to the ten years of loneliness but he believed it to be McCree’s nonjudgmental attitude more than anything else.

As much as he later felt guilty for it, there were moments where McCree could make him forget, for just a short while, his past mistakes and the pain stemming from them.

McCree even helped him understand the new Genji a bit more. And going so far as to play an intermediary for them to ease the atmosphere. It pleased Hanzo to realize they had less need of him as of late. It hurt less to hear the mechanical buzz of his brother’s laughter and warmed him more to be the one who prompted the laugh.

When he and McCree were drinking at cliffside as they were prone to do sometimes and he turned to the gunslinger with thanks, the man did not just wave it off as something unimportant, instead, he smiled and said: “I’m glad. Ya both deserve some more happiness in yer lives in my opinion.”

And Hanzo found it easy to return the smile.

Hanzo woke up choking on a scream. When he opened his eyes the room was dark and it did nothing to dispel the image of his brother’s body hitting the floor, his screams still resonating through the dojo of the Shimada castle.

He turned his face into the pillow just to muffle any sounds escaping from between his tightly pressed lips. Hanzo shivered as the sweat on his body cooled down in the climatized room.

Why is he here? What is he even trying to achieve?

What could he ever do to earn forgiveness for such a heinous crime? How could Genji forgive him for that?

His mind swirled with the images of blood and steel and green hair until his stomach clenched in a wave of nausea. He lifted he his head from the pillow to breath more easily in an attempt to calm it down when the soft humming reached his ears.

Hanzo extremely slowly turned his face towards the other bed where he hoped McCree was still soundly sleeping. He couldn’t see much but he could recognize the silhouette of the man, lying on his back, one knee bent and the left prosthetic arm lying over his eyes.

The gunslinger hummed so quietly it wouldn’t wake Hanzo on itself but now that he was awake he could recognize a familiar melody in it, thought the name of the song eluded him.

He barely noticed his own breathing calming down as he listened, still lying on his belly, half of the face pressed into the slightly damp pillow.

And he did not notice at all when his eyes closed and his mind quieted down enough for him to drift back into sleep.

They have not spoken about that night. Or any of the nights that followed. Hanzo was not sure if McCree even knew he had an avid listener now or if he pretended to not know for sake of both their dignities. Either way, they did not breach the subject of nightmares despite the fact both of them suffered from them heavily.

Surprisingly, it was their work that brought first big argument into what was nearly idyllic cohabitation.

“You are being unreasonable, brother.” Genji sighed from where he was sitting next to him on the roof of the building C. They had an unmarred view of the sea from there, the mid-morning sun making it glitter like a field of sapphires.

Hanzo breathed in the salty air, letting it out through his mouth in an attempt to calm clear his mind. Something that his brother was attempting to thwart.

“I do not believe I am.”

His brother huffed, the sound grating. “I know you do not believe you are. That does not make it any less true. I am sure Jesse is not being any less unreasonable though, so I guess I can’t blame you fully for this.”

Hanzo cocked his eyebrow at him as he detangled that sentence. They got into a habit of foregoing Japanese in favor of English but sometimes it got away from them. For both they sakes Hanzo decided to switch to their mother tongue.

“He willfully endangered himself and with it anyone who left their positions in an attempt to help him. And he had the gall to laugh it off as if it was of no consequence.”

“That’s just how Jesse is!” Genji threw his hands into the air in a dramatic gesture. “He’s all flair and brash deeds but he does know what he’s doing, Hanzo. And his plan worked! You should not have scolded him like a child in front of everyone.” Hanzo felt a pang of guilt at that. Belatedly he realized that was not a good decision on his part but at that moment, after he watched the gunslinger waltz in the middle of an open field to lure out the enemy sniper, Hanzo was too furious to stop and think. And so he unloaded all his fear disguised as fury onto McCree in front of everyone. And then McCree’s wounded pride took care of the rest.

Now Hanzo was imposing on his brother in a room with a single bed simply because there was no room for two. And at that a bed that was not intended to be shared by two grown men. He was aware that even the bags under his eyes had bags, for he has not been able to sleep for four nights, partly from the conditions and partly because his nightmares got worse now that there was no one who would soothe him back to sleep. And didn’t that sting his own pride, to realize he needed to be sung to sleep like a babe.

“Hanzo, come on. This is not so terrible,” ‘not as terrible as other things you’ve done’ Hanzo’s mind supplied, “it couldn’t be fixed with an apology.”

And that was it, wasn’t it. Hanzo could go and apologize and it could all be alright. Or he would apologize and learn it fixes nothing and he had ruined the one good thing he had in his life besides Genji. It was better to sit here, not knowing. If he didn’t try, he couldn’t lose.

Genji next to him sighed, again. “You know, never before I believed you to be a coward, brother. Not even back then.”

Hanzo flinched, the words stinging worse than anything the Elders ever threw at him. He stared at Genji as his brother got to his feet, disappointment radiating from his posture. He patted Hanzo on the shoulder.

“It is okay, Hanzo. You are just a human after all.” With that as his parting words, he scaled the building down, leaving Hanzo to gape at the empty spot where Genji had been standing.

Knocking at the door of his own room felt surreal in a way but it did nothing to alleviate Hanzo’s nervousness.

He could not let Genji’s words stand uncontested. He would not tolerate being called a coward. No matter who says it. It took him two hours to decide on a plan. In the end, he chose to confront McCree in their room, there was enough public baring done for both of them. If necessary he can make his apology public later, should McCree chose it to be so.

The door opened to an exhausted looking gunslinger with dulled brown eyes and a shaggy beard. Yet Hanzo had to suppress a gasp as their eyes met. It was a while since that happened, McCree avoided his eyes every single time their paths crossed this past week.

McCree seemed to perk up, before immediately stiffening. Hanzo’s heart sank.

“Hi,” McCree broke the silence between them first.

“Hello,” Hanzo replied, silently chastising himself for making McCree speak first. They were still standing there, looking at each other and Hanzo was beginning to lose whatever courage his spite bestowed him. “May I come in?”

McCree started at that, looking behind him before stepping aside, his left hand on the back of his neck. “Of course, sorry. I mean, it’s your room, too.”

Hanzo gave a nod of gratitude and stepped in, letting McCree close the door behind them.

The room was very much like he remembered it. His bed still made from the morning before the mission. Except there were four of his arrows on the comforter now. He must have made a sound of some sort because McCree hurried to explain.

“I- yeah, I found those on the range. Thought you might want to have them back. Probably should have put them in the armory, ‘s stupid. Sorry.”

He went to grab them, then stopped, and awkwardly took two steps back again, making more space in between them.

Hanzo felt like the awkward tension is going to choke him and huffed. “This is ridiculous.”

He turned before McCree could say anything else, already talking as he did so. “I have come to apologize. I should not have said what I said. And certainly not in front of everyone. I am sorry I lost my composure so… epically.” He winced a little at the word. It sounded rather Genji-like, probably betraying Genji’s involvement in the current situation, making him look even more inept at human interaction than his usual behavior did.

When he looked to McCree’s face he could see the corner of his mouth twitch and it stung. But then the man’s expression morphed into a solemn one and he took a step closer.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Hanzo opened his mouth to protest but McCree steamrolled over anything he might have said.

“No, I am, Hanzo. I know I can be rash and how it looks, and you didn’t know that and I could have told ya, and them, what my plan was. That’s on me. I’ll try to do better next time, alright? I won’t change, too old fer that, but I’ll try. For you.”

Hanzo blinked several times in astonishment. He… had not expected that. None of that.

“I-” He was at a loss as what to say. McCree huffed and embarrassed laugh.

“That didn’t- eh. I won’t lie I was right pissed at you scolding me like some newbie but I thought about it and talked about it. And was talked at about it quite a lot, too. And I think I get it. I just- I don’t want to lose ya but if you want, I can switch with Genji.”

“Switch- what?”

McCree’s smile was rueful. “Rooms. So you two could bunk together. Probably should have done that at the beginning but I didn’t think of it and he hadn’t asked.”

Hanzo stared. McCree wished to move out? Switch with Genji?

“Please do not do that, we would end up killing each other,” he blurted, then immediately winced. But McCree laughed.

“No, ya wouldn’t. But thanks. For not wanting to, I mean,” he was palming the back of his neck again and Hanzo thought he could see his cheeks color. But that couldn’t be right.

“I do not wish for another roommate,” was what he said next. “I had thought you might but maybe not?” He asked, not fully able to keep the hopefulness out of his tone.

The man shook his head rather wildly. “Nope, don’t want that either. Yer stuck with me.” He grinned and this time Hanzo let himself smile back.

“I am sorry, though. I should have come sooner to apologize but-” he paused, deciding to say thing outright this time. “You are able to make your own decisions, albeit rash and endangering sometimes.” McCree shrugged with a boyish grin on his lips and Hanzo rolled his eyes, then continued. “I want you to know my words did not come from anger as much as they came from fear.” A deep breath. Not a coward. “You have become quite important to me, Jesse McCree. And the thought of losing you influenced my actions and words that day more than it should have.”

McCree’s eyes were now wide as he stared at Hanzo but before he could start to worry the gunslinger’s face bloomed into a wide smile. The next moment he was hugging Hanzo who stiffened at the sudden invasion of his personal space before slightly relaxing into it.

“I’m so sorry, Han. We were arguing and then you didn't come back and, damn, I was so afraid I drove you off with the stupid stuff I said.”

“You did not,” was all Hanzo thought to say as he reached around McCree and put his hands on the shirt-clad back. With a little internal start, he realized it was the same shirt the man had worn the first evening they met.

“Yeah, but what I’m tryin’ to say is that I care about you too, Hanzo. And the thought of losing you was driving me half mad.”

Whatever power held Hanzo firmly upright this whole time decided at that moment to give up and he sunk into the embrace, his body molding itself to McCree’s.

“I will stay as long as you will have me, Jesse.”

The noise that came from the gunslinger was half laugh, half sob. He pulled back from Hanzo, his smile blinding. “You shouldn’t say that ‘cause that just might be forever, darlin’.”

Hanzo’s heart skipped a beat at that. As many times as McCree used that particular endearment, it never sounded quite like that. It never before gave Hanzo hope.

“I think we can discuss that later, for now, you look like I feel. We should go to sleep. I am excited about not having to share a bed with my brother anymore.”

They had time. This thing, whatever it is, does not have to be rushed. They can take their time exploring it and enjoy it.

“Wiser words, darlin’,” McCree smiled down at him before stepping out of the embrace. Hanzo did not even feel the loss too keenly as the warmth of McCree’s body lingered on his skin.

It was later when they were both in their beds when Hanzo dared to ask for what he wanted.

“Jesse?” The gunslinger hummed. “Would you sing to me?”

There was a beat of silence that stretched as the seconds ticked by before a soft hum sounded through the room and Hanzo let his eyes slip shut with a contented sigh.

His sleep may not be filled with only pleasant dreams in the future but he knew that his waking hours will more than make up for it. With that thought, he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

#mchanzo #my fic #peapodmchanzoweek #day 1 #hanzo shimada #jesse mccree #genji shimada #shimada brothers #they were roommates #one shot

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icravestrawberryflavoureddeath · 6 years ago

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Okay here it is

I was gon wait but I feel like I need to get my thoughts on EVERYTHING out before it gets too complicated.

Honerva

Alright, I was totally on board for honerva, not gonna lie. We saw her history, how she fought through it all, what I’m curious about is, it’s not really clear HOW she exactly remembered she’s honerva and not the witch haggar.

I like how we saw how she got her name but there’s so much regarding timelines and ages that just,,, fuck me up? But I mean, sometimes u have to forgive those

But the main thing was, I feel like she was the most developed character in the entire season. I almost wanted to know more about her and what she was thinking. Honestly, all and all, I wish the season was longer or more well,,, organized (something I’ll get into later).

She could step on me. She’s earned the right. Also,,, she’s kind of a snack not gon lie.

Allura

I was gon wait, BUT ITS BOTHERING ME SO MUCH.

I am in love with allura I love her I would fight for her and everything, but this season? Even I was like “okay okay, can we plz hurry up?” She was,, annoying almost? She reminded me of Veronica lodge from Riverdale if that tells you anything.

I understand that there was some sort of whining needed, but,,, it felt,,, uhhhh... yeah.

anD OKAY! Maybe she suddenly liked Lance. I’ll believe that, cuz yes, he grew up so much (something I’ll also get to) but,,, like,,, if I told allura I was in love with her, would she kiss me?? Cuz that’s what it seems like. Anyone tells her they like and she’s like “frickin spunky u tiny man” and kisses them.

She didn’t even want to go with lance originally in the epsiode, romelle, hunk, and lance had to convince her. And it was meant as a “hey my family is making dinner u wanna come?”

Here’s my thing, if they would have written some of the klance moments (yes I’m finally going there) from the past seasons, I would have been all on board!! But as a lance Stan and someone who wants nothing but lance to be happy, this season,,, hurt. Allura was hurting and she wanted to take action, but she was portrayed as,,, whinny, almost selfish(?) and I didn’t like it. Because I LIKE ALLURA! She’s a great character but was not properly used. I didn’t want the entire tension to come down to her dating life. I wanted her to heal, and not have that being her needing a relationship.

And that brings me to my next part, she was hurting. Allura just had everything she thought she knew tangled into a mess and her first reaction? Date Lance. I would have been happy with this if it wasn’t done,,, like it was. And they made their relationship,,, seem,,, I don’t know how to describe it other than,,, forced? I don’t like using that word cuz of what it has meant for this ship but,,, idk I just wish it wasn’t her trying to heal that lead her to it. I wanted her to realize that voltron was her family without having to date lance. Idk I just wanted more

Lance

Now for my boi. I love this man, he’s grown so much, I want nothing more then his happiness, but this season? He wasn’t lance. He was “alluras boyfriend” and that bothered me. Every conversation that wasn’t about the war was about allura. And I get it. U “love” ur girlfriend (of like??? 1-2 months? Max (this well come back to. Again)) but he’s more then that and I don’t think they knew how to write him as a full character on his own.

I had more hopes for lance and it kind of let me down.

He talked with friends?? Allura. He wanted to go somewhere?? Allura. He wanted to- allura. He wasn’t lance, he was alluras boyfriend.

And don’t get me started in the paladins of old “my daughter” bull shit. I rolled my eyes so hard at that.

They wanted to makeup for seasons of rudeness within one season. And it was messy

Also,, WHY IS HE NOW ALTEAN?????? I’m sorry but it’s really strange.

Keith

I would talk about Keith but HE WAS JIST SHOUTING FORM VOLTRON AND THE. YEETING OUT. WTF

Like honestly, there was a lot I wanted to be covered, shit like the Bayard thing with lance, opening up more, more about his time with his mom but what did we get?? Just one note Keith (until lance which we’ll get to. I say that a lot).

Also someone get that boy a haircut

Speaking of haircuts - Matt and Pidge

This is a small list so their gonna be together.

HEWWO?? pidges hair in the beginning and her as the 80s pidge?? I loved that!! She honestly was one of my favourites this season.

Also MATHMATICS HOLT WTF U DOIN WITH THAT HAIR??! U cut off the locks of peRFECTION!

No but seriously, I wish there was more Mathew but that family picture and small scenes were amazing, I was just so happy with everything with pidge and Matt and I cry

Kinkade and the others

I say others cuz it’s background characters. But kinkade and his video? I cried the entire time for no reason other then I love that man.

Acxa was amazingly perfect to join the rag tag group of background characters. Veronica and acxa? Gay. Veronica has strong bi energy like lance and I wanted her and acxa to just get together.

James and kinkade? Gay. That’s it

LESBEENS!!!

Ships

U knew it was comin! I’ll make separate posts about the ships all together later (if I do) but seriously, voltron was like “fuck you and your grandma. Shut the fuck up” and then through a brick at us.

Also, they straight up said (multiple times) that lance allura and Keith were a love triangle. Like bitch???

And while allurance was kind of shitty and very in your face, she still kind of spoke down to him??

And like, the only two times lance and Keith spoke it was so soft and wholesome and,,, that’s why I ship klance???

He helped him with alluras death and DAMN they really did that huh?

I had a theory that klance was supposed to happen, but somewhere along the line they said “yeah, no” and had to rewrite it and allurance was the only way to go and that would explain a lot. It wasn’t a ship planned. It was thrown together like a collage students essay two hours before the deadline. U can tell they tried, just not enough.

Shiros man btw was is clear day date and that’s some cute shit

Plot

I wish they would have converted the honerva story line in the previous seasons so it wasn’t so,,, jumbled.

There were parts were I would zone out for a second and get so lost on the plot and who everyone was

Also thicc voltron/atlas was kinda,,, strange,, but I mean, when you meant to kill shiro and now u have him for the last season, u just hot glue that bitch to the final season script.

It was everywhere and no where at once. I felt like I was about to start watching fucking twilight in space at that point.

They called back a lot of old plot points but some had me going “whomest the fuck is u?” And some made me happy.

I wanted lowhore to come back officially not gon lie.

I WANTED THE BIG LANCE AND KEITH FIGHT SO BAD AND I WAS ROBBED

there’s so many problems with this season that would have been fixed with proper editing and timing

Conclusion

It felt like they started a story and knew what they wanted. But got half way and realized it wouldn’t work. They had to try and create a different ending with what they had made and this was the result. Messy, strange, and kind of hard to follow. There were times when animation fell flat ( that one screen shot of Veronica’s face real close up when her and acxa spoke) and times when, it felt like fan service (for who? Who knows). It would have been better if the show was episodic and not every four months a new season came out. It was rushed for released and it showed in the quality.

I wish it would have been better, everything we wanted, but that never was on option and we should have been prepared for that. But what can u do.

#voltron #voltron season 8 #season 8 spoilers #voltron spoilers #keith kogane #klance #keith #lance #lance mcclain #keith (voltron)#shiro #lotor

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thorne93 · 7 years ago

Text

No Matter What (Part 3)

Prompt: Imagine you’re an Avenger and you meet Bucky for the first time during Civil War

Word Count: 2630

Warning: Language, fighting, violence, angst

Notes: This will follow Cap America: Civil War…. I envisioned a younger reader who’s like 19-24 years old, btw. Thanks to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

Forever Tags: @amarvelouswritings @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejulesworld @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @bubblyanarocks3 @thefridgeismybestie @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock @lenawiinchester @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi @memory-of-a-goldfish @mellsstark

Bucky Barnes: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @ultrarebelheart @lenawiinchester

No Matter What: @void-imaginations @devil-may-cry-11-blog @james-heaven-barnes @shifutheshihtzu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was only a few weeks after the problems in Africa that Tony was coming to the compound. You had met him a few times and you loved his wit, his humor, his intelligence, but sometimes he gave off a very...cocky and arrogant vibe. But you still loved to be around him.

Steve was watching more footage and coverage of the accident, as was Wanda. He paused his to go check on her while you and Vision stood in the kitchen.

“Vis, you don’t blame Wanda, do you?” you asked suddenly as you played with an apple.

“I know she didn’t mean to hurt anyone with her actions, no,” he responded as Tony walked in with someone.

“Where’s capsicle?” he asked as he looked at you two.

“I will get Captain Rogers for you,” Vision responded.

“Thank you,” Tony noted. “Y/N, this is Secretary of State. Secretary Ross. Mr. Secretary this is y/F/N, our newest recruit.”

You choked on your spit as you realized who was standing in the room. Immediately you stood up straight, adjusted your hair, and shook his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” you said.

“And you,” he responded with a grin.

Finally, Steve and Wanda and the rest of the team joined you, taking some of the heat off of you. The Secretary and Tony said they wanted to speak to all of you. You converged in the conference room and Secretary Ross began to talk.

“Five years ago... I had a heart attack. I dropped right in the middle of my backswing. Turned out it was the best round of my life, because after 13 hours of surgery and a triple bypass... I found something 40 years in the Army had never taught me: Perspective. The world owes the Avengers an unpayable debt. You have fought for us... protected us, risked your lives... but while a great many people see you as heroes, there are some... who would prefer the word ‘vigilantes’.”

Natasha asked, “And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?”

“How about "dangerous"?” he retorted and you automatically blanched. How were you dangerous? You weren’t dangerous. Rumlow. Ultron. Double agents - they were dangerous. Not the Avengers. You were the only hope against the dangers. “What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals... who routinely ignore sovereign borders... and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?”

Again, your anger flared. You did care. All of you did. How could he say you didn’t seem concerned?

He shuffled through footage on the screen of different accounts where the Avengers had destroyed cities. Until Steve told him to turn it off.

“For the past four years you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution,” Secretary Ross stated as he placed a thick booklet on the table. “The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries... it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary.”

You could feel yourself getting worked up. This was bullshit. Who had the right to just order you all around? The world owed you an unpayable debt yet they wanted to chain all of you and control you? That doesn’t add up. Either they trusted you to save their lives or they didn’t.

After a tense and quiet moment, Steve said, “The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place. I feel we've done that.”

You nodded in agreement.

Ross demanded, “Tell me, Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now? If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes... you can bet there'd be consequences.”

“Okay, wait, time out,” you said, holding your hand in the air. “We didn’t ‘misplace’ Thor and Dr. Banner. Thor went home, to Asgard. You get that, right? That Thor doesn’t live here. And the only times he has come here is to help us fight. Dr. Banner? He was out in the middle of nowhere before you all pulled him back in. He lived without any incidents for years, he can do it again. I read the file.”

“Be that as it may, the world no longer sees the Avengers as a team of heroes anymore. But there is a possible solution here. Compromise. Reassurance. That's how the world works. Believe me, this is the middle ground.”

“So, there are contingencies,” Rhodey confirmed.

Secretary Ross answered, “Three days from now, the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords. Talk it over.”

Nat asked, “And if we come to a decision you don't like?”

“Then you retire.”

You sat back and bit your cheek to keep from going off. This was stupid. This was beyond idiotic.

All of you got up to sort your own thoughts, grab water, take a breather, go to the bathroom, then you regrouped in the living space.

Sam and Rhodey had started to talk and they were already getting into a heated debate.

“Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honor which is one more than you have,” Rhodey noted to Sam.

“So let's say we agree to this thing. How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?” Sam asked.

“A 117 countries want to sign this. 117, Sam, and you're just like, ‘No, that's cool. We got it.’”

“Just because the whole world wants us to sign it doesn’t mean we should,” you argued. “Sam’s right. Where does it stop? So they control us, then what? Will we be tagged and numbered? What if they only let those without powers operate, so Vision, Wanda, and I are benched?”

“That’s not what would happen,” Rhodey argued.

“Oh yeah? Bet you thought SHIELD would never get compromised either,” you spat.

Vision suddenly spoke up, “I have an equation.”

Sam sarcastically remarked, “Oh, this will clear it up.”

“In the 8 years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially. And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate.”

“Are you saying it's our fault?” Steve questioned, a little bit of defense coming into his voice.

“I'm saying there may be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict... breeds catastrophe. Oversight... Oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand.”

“Boom,” Rhodey said as if that just put an end to all discussion.

“What?” you challenged. “Vision, I get what you’re saying. I’m not arguing that by us existing it makes anything better. But do you honestly think that if we all retired or if we all were never even born, that we wouldn’t have the same problems? Loki? He would’ve still come to rule Earth. Rumlow would still be an evil dick. So taking us out of the equation or putting chains on us won’t make anything better.”

“Tony. You're being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal,” Nat noted after your rant.

Steve informed, “It's because he's already made up his mind.”

Tony got up as he said, “Boy, you know me so well. Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache. That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain. It's discomfort. Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?” Tony put his phone on the counter and flipped up an image. “Oh, that's Charles Spencer by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul... before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia.” For a moment, everyone was quiet in thought as they listened to him. “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass. There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.”

Steve said, “Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up.”

“Who said we're giving up?”

“We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blames.”

“I'm sorry. Steve. That... That is dangerously arrogant,” Rhodey argued

“Arrogant? Arrogant?” you mocked, furious. “How is it arrogant to say that we need to own up for our own shit? If we fuck up, it’s on us. How is stating that the UN takes blame or responsibility any better?”

“Because, Y/N, this is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not SHIELD, it's not HYDRA.”

“I don’t give a fuck if it’s the Keebler Elves,” you argued. “It’s still people. People that can be corrupt. People that will start war. What if one country needs us and we can’t go because the 116 countries say no? What if one country doesn’t want our help but the other’s think we should go and we walk into a god damn fire fight?”

“Y/N’s right,” Steve said. “It’s run by people and people with agendas and agendas change.”

“That's good. That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing,” Tony added.

“Tony, you chose to do that. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. Just like Y/N said. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

You nodded to him, proud and happy that he took your side and backed you up.

“If we don't do this now, it's gonna be done to us later. That's the fact. That won't be pretty,” Tony said and you let that sink in. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would be better to go quietly now than it would be later with a fight. But it still didn’t feel right getting strong armed into this.

“You’re saying they’ll come for me,” Wanda said.

“We would protect you,” Vision assured.

Nat concurred, “Maybe Tony's right. If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off…”

Sam demanded, “Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?”

“I'm just... reading the terrain. We have made some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

You realized she was right. You knew how this would look to the outside world. That the Avengers didn’t want to be controlled. What are they so afraid of? You could hear and see the headlines now. But what did they know? They weren’t the ones risking their lives. The ones saying “Yes, go ahead and shackle us like criminals”. It wasn’t the whole picture. It wasn’t just about saying no, it was about the fact that you all were losing a right.

“Focus up. I'm sorry, did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?” Tony asked.

“Oh, I want to take it back now,” Nat said, shaking her head.

“No, no, no. You can't retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case closed - I win.”

“No, Tony, not case closed,” you argued, getting so frustrated it was hurting your head. “How is it any better if the UN is in control of us? What? Are we just going to be extra careful not to kill people? How is this any better?” you asked. You could not fathom how giving the UN control over you all made anyone any more safer than they were. How Nat and Tony and the rest of them didn’t see that was beyond your comprehension.

“I have to go,” Steve suddenly said as he tossed the Accords onto the table and headed downstairs. All of you looked around the room at each other with confused looks.

“I, uh, I’ll go check on him,” you said as you got up and followed him. you saw him leaning against the bottom of the stair rail, his head bowed as his hand hid his face. “Steve?” you gently said. “You okay?”

He looked up at you, his eyes glassy. “It’s Peggy,” he answered.

Instantly, you knew. You’d only known everyone on the team for a year, but you had a way of reading people. Besides, you and Steve were best friends.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, Steve.” You immediately pulled him into a hug, his massive form overtaking yours as he gripped you and you heard and felt him start to cry. You held him a long time, rubbing your arms on his back soothingly as he gripped you tight. You weren’t going to quiet him, tell him it would be okay. You knew that sort of pain and you knew the generic shit never consoled anyone, so you didn’t say anything.

After a few minutes, he said he wanted to be alone in his room. You nodded and said you would tell the others.

You came back upstairs and everyone looked to you for an answer as to why Steve left abruptly.

“Peggy passed away,” you informed.

A murmurs of shocks, gasps, and soft curses floated around the room at the tragic news.

“Talk about timing,” Sam said.

After that, everyone went around the room, signing the Accords if they so chose. The only people left were you, Sam, Wanda, and Steve.

“I can’t sign that. Not unless Steve does,” you informed emphatically.

“Jesus Christ, kid. He isn’t your father,” Tony barked. “You don’t have to say and do everything he does.”

You flinched at his anger. “It’s not like that. I just don’t feel right signing something he doesn’t agree with. He’s been around longer than all of us. He’s wiser. If he feels it’s not right in his heart to sign this, then I gotta back that up. He would do the same for me.”

“I can’t believe this. This is unbelievable,” Tony said, clearly angry. “I don’t have time for this. Nat, Vision, work on the rest of them,” Tony ordered before he left.

“Y/N,” Nat started, looking at you.

“No, Nat. I’m not fucking signing that thing,” you insisted. “If they want to come for us, fine. Let them. It will show the world who the real danger is, the real threat.”

You got up and went downstairs to Steve’s room.

“Hey,” you said softly as you entered. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you. I just wanted to see if you needed anything or anyone?”

He looked up from his bed where he was staring at his phone. He gave you a gentle half smile. “You could never bother me, Y/N. I’m okay though,” he informed.

“You sure?”

“Well...I knew this would come,” he said. “It’s not like she was going to be around forever.”

You gave a slight nod as you stepped farther into the room. “Do you want someone to come with you to the services?” you asked.

After a moment of thought, he answered, “Yeah. I think I’d appreciate that.”

You nodded and smiled. “Anything for you. I’ll see if Sam wants to come and we’ll join you,” you informed in a soothing tone.

“You’re too good to me,” Steve said with a small laugh.

“I only repay the kindness you continue to show me,” you informed with a shrug. “I can never repay you for what you’ve done for me, Steve. the least I can do is be with you in your time of need.”

#no matter what #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes #steve rogers #captain america

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