#also made the answer to one of them more vague so i didnt have to write the username there! why didnt i think about it the first time me du

[loveletterworm]

problem i have is that  i really struggle with the tendency to just sort of make characters with the same like three personalities over and over  and also reusing random concepts or design elements in what are supposed to be entirely unrelated things (the latter is kind of normal i guess actually but it compounds the first problem a bit)  so whenever i realize i have two different ideas with unusually similar characters i always have to go like.  Well damn it which one of you gets to live cuz i can’t ever show my face in the world if people know i keep making the exact same thing over and over

[malkaviian]

expanding on the "luca was bullied" thing, because i knew i was going to give this guy some trauma eventually

[joshusten]

love the sinner (albus york/faith koria, bastard warrior || good boy audios)

Albus York takes a bath and Faithful washes his hair. (angst, slight argument, hurt/comfort)

2.2k+ words [ao3 link] [masterlist] [CW/notes: religious imagery ofc (this fic was basically an excuse to write that), typical albus york language, lots of self-loathing and some suicidal thoughts. albus is just having a bad time but hes also so whipped for faithful. speaking of her, i didnt make faith's physical descriptions vague or made it so that she's a "listener" but rather a character of her own! and i based it off of gba's description of her + my own interpretation hehe.]

once again THANK YOU SO SO MUCH to @slushiepizza for all the AMAZING suggestions and support like omfg i SWEAR i keep on saying this but this fic rlly wouldnt be finished without them!! i appreciate it sm!! and im shaking and kissing my irls that ive also bothered with this fic that will probably not see this THANK U SM!! edit: I FORGOT THE FUCKING READ MORE LMFAO

—

Albus York steadily sank into the half-filled tub of one of the ship’s quarters—stripped of his clothes, and left bare to no witness.

Gentle waves of the bathwater rippled against hardened, battle-torn skin. He dementedly mused that if he could go down further, he might finally drown. 

He chuckled at the thought, shifted his position, and got to work. It's been a while since he last had an actual bath—way before he even agreed to this suicide mission of an adventure—with warm soapy water and scented products.

The constant near-death experiences and whatnot had interrupted the trio to get any time for themselves, much less to do any sort of basic hygiene. Since the route Devlin had charted for the ship to follow allowed for ample downtime, the Forgemaster had practically shoved his younger half-brother into the common bathroom and forced him to take a much-needed bath (Of course, not without a snobby comment about how his stench matched his personality perfectly well.)

Albus’ inexperience was made clearer with the stiff, awkward motion of his large, calloused hands as he attempted to wash himself. The unpracticed movement made the unfamiliarity of it all fully realized. How long has it been since he felt this safe? Does he even remember how to take care of himself?

Does someone like him even deserve this luxury?

The warrior submerged himself lower, down until his eyes were right above water level. He was thinking again. It was all that he had been doing for the past hour. If the gods wouldn't allow him to drown, then he hoped that the water would at least cleanse the grime and sin embedded into his flesh.

But he knew that filth clung to his skin like how a believer clings to the idea of repentance. No matter how hard—how desperately—he scrubbed (until pale skin turned into blood red, until rough turned rougher), it was all pointless. He had learned long ago that a bastard's prayers were never left answered. 

The mark on his chest was a bleak reminder of that reality. Damnation was basically his birthright. Albus York was dead the moment he came out of his mother’s womb—dead to his family, dead to society. 

Cursed to hell for being sin itself.

Life had a funny way to remind him—that goodness is something he can be in the presence of but never be a part of it.

"Albus?"

Speak of the devil, his ever-so-naive angel had arrived.

“Albus? Hello?”

Tender, serene, heavenly.

The voice was melodic—like the somber hymns he used to hear in his youth when his mother would take him into the temple and meet with her fellow brothers and sisters. At that time, he always felt drawn to the choir’s performance, despite not being old enough to understand the words (not that he was any more literate in the present). Back then, he was just a kid, blissfully unaware of the blasphemy he had committed for existing. 

He had grown since then—in every aspect of the word.

"Albus! Are you still in there?"

A deep grunt, muffled slosh of water, and the pitter-patter of droplets on the tiled surface were all that Faith Koria had heard from the other side of the metal door before a familiar, gruff voice answered back.

"Calm ya tits, woman. I knew you were eager to see my dick but I never knew you were this eager!" 

The outside replied with an annoyed groan, a sound Albus was all too familiar with, especially when it came from her. That being said, he couldn't fight the smile forming on his lips as he hastily dried himself up with a nearby towel.

"You've been using the bathroom for more than an hour, just what are you doing in there? Some people want to get cleaned up too, you know!”

The metal door swiftly slid open with a sudden 'woosh!', hot steam dissipating before the runaway nun to reveal Albus’ tall stature, half-naked and slightly dripping wet. Faith frantically averted her eyes on instinct, ears immediately burning with embarrassment. It wasn’t like it was her first time seeing him undressed—for gods’ sake, she treated his wounds like this when they first met! But to have him fresh out of a bath with his toned body exposed and his dampened long hair was—Wait! His hair!

"Alright, alright! I’m out, ya happy? I’m decent too so you don’t have to be a prude about it,” The bastard huffed, a little irritated with how his peaceful bath (or at least, as peaceful as it could be) was abruptly cut short.  

“Albus, your hair!”

The man scrunched up his face in confusion.  He gathered one of his dark locks and examined it with an intense focus. “Huh? Looks fine to me. What, you're not expecting me to be all prim and proper now, are you?”

“No, no, no! It's all matted and uneven!” The woman replied with a horrified concern in her voice that was rare for the warrior to hear directed at him.“It’s probably from all those monster attacks. Some of them must’ve managed to get to your hair! How long has it been like this? Does it hurt? Do you even have shampoo?”

“Uh…what’s that?”

“Ugh, never mind. Just—” Before Albus could process what was happening, Faith grabbed his arm with a surprisingly strong grip for a nun. She dragged him down near the bathtub he just got out of. He can even hear the water still slowly swirling down the drain. 

“Faithful, what are you—” 

“Stay right here. You got that, York? I’m just going to get something and I don't want you to move a muscle.”

A deep chuckle resonated within the man’s scarred chest—he always enjoyed it when she got this bossy. He gave her a mock salute and answered with a hearty “Yes, ma’am!”

The sister paladin made a face, letting out a flustered huff before hurrying to wherever she needed to be. So cute.

Albus had put on his clothes at this point while he waited (lest he risked Faithful suffering from a heart attack). A few minutes had passed by when she returned with a rather large pouch that Albus recognized was packed with the rest of her belongings. He deduced it must've been from her childhood with how worn down the embroidery was. Once vibrant floral patterns dulled from years of usage.

“Lean back by the bathtub,” Faith instructed. “I’m going to start detangling your hair. I might cut off some of the more unsalvageable parts too. If anything hurts or if I snagged on it too hard just let me know, okay?”

“Okay,” The man repeated simply, not really knowing how to react to all of the amount of consideration he was receiving. Abrasiveness was what he was more used to responding to, not the care that she unabashedly gave him.

She beamed brightly at his compliance (and no, his heart did not just skip a beat), soft hands found their way to his head and started brushing away the more manageable tangles before using a wide-tooth comb for the bigger ones. Despite the numerous warnings, her fingers were nowhere near to being rough. She was as gentle as a lamb—her slow brushstrokes eventually formed a rhythm that filled in the silence of the room. Albus decided to break the comfortable atmosphere.

“How are you so good with this shit?” He mumbled, voice heavy with drowsiness. Fuck, he felt like he could sleep until his next life. “Never knew sisters of Cindergorn get to be part-time hairdressers too.”

Even with his sluggish state, Albus could almost sense the nun’s eyes rolling above him, brushing out his hair with a slightly more forceful than usual tug.

“I'm the one usually taking care of the children at the temple. I’m used to seeing this kind of stuff whenever they play too hard. Obviously not on this level but you get the gist.” Faith snipped off the last of a particularly challenging knot. 

“I've also been doing my own hair ever since I was a kid, so really, it's like second nature to me at this point,” she followed up, running her fingers through his hair with a satisfied nod.

Now that Albus thought about it, he had seen Faithful braiding herself earlier on their journey when they had just…tastefully borrowed the flagship meant for his father. He remembered swift, practiced hands twisting sections after sections of dark, coiled hair and had mentioned in passing how it was a hairstyle she often did to withstand the Eastern Faithlands' harsher seasons (Fortunately, it also turned out to be great for going-on-a-quest-to-kill-your-priest-brother-and-save-a-child seasons too.)

Faith’s hands suddenly paused. Before the man could ask if something was wrong, she signaled him to stay still while she rummaged through the pouch to get a small bottle. She squeezed a moderate amount of product into her palm and spread it evenly. As she was about to apply the substance to his head, Albus jerked away, quickly stopping her hand with his own as a furrow formed on his thick brows.

“Faithful,” He chuckled. “Please, I’m a warrior. You don’t need to waste your fancy shit on me. My hair’s going to get fucked up again eventually so what’s the point?” 

Faith struggled to wriggle herself out of his grasp. “Wha–Albus, it’s fine!” 

“No, Faithful, I’m serious. It’s just hair. Hell, it’s my hair. Relax.” The man sat up straighter at this point, the water from his long, damp hair trickling down along the scarred tissue of his back but it was the intensity in those familiar brown eyes that made him feel a chill.

“And I told you it’s fine just let me—”

“Why are you making it a big fuckin’ deal? What do you want from me?” 

“What?” Faith’s voice cracked, appalled and confused. “Albus, what are you even talking about? I’m not asking for anything—”

“I’m just a bastard you hired to kill your brother! I was paid to do the dirty work for you, not to be your fucking toy—”

“Albus, wha—Y–You’re not a toy! Why do you—”

“If I’m not then why are you being like this to me? There’s a catch—there’s always a fucking catch. So what the fuck do you want from me?”

The nun managed to finally yank her hand away from his harsh grip and angrily slammed at the smooth surface of the tub.

“I just want you to stop being stubborn for once and let me do this for you!” 

The silence that followed between them felt suffocating.

Faith’s breath hitched, shocked by her outburst. She immediately straightened up her posture only to look down shamefully at the tiled floor. A shaky sigh left her lips, and Albus was doing everything in his power to stop himself from reaching out to her, seeking salvation he knew she shouldn’t give him because he was not sorry that he was like this. He wasn’t afraid to show his filth to the world because it was all he knew to do—all he was taught to do. There’s no excuse, no justification, no escape. She’s everything good and he’s just scum or worse yet—he’s a bastard. 

Because she’s an angel and he’s far worse than the devil.

“This isn't anything all that fancy…just something to keep it healthy and less stressful on your scalp. I just want you to feel okay. So please…” She trailed off. “Let me.”

“It’s…It’s just hair, Faithful. I’ll be okay, I’m a big boy,” Albus joked, but his words were sincere. He almost found the whole thing amusing—having the ever-so-snappy sister paladin fuss over him—if he didn’t get a feel for how much…his comfort seemed to mean a lot to her.

Faith pursed her lips, her gaze still fixed downward. “I just think…you deserve at least one good hair day.”

It's that word again. Deserve. Does she really think that? That he's worthy of all of this?

The man cleared his throat with a curt nod. Hesitantly, the nun's fingers slowly found their way back to the crown of his head, resuming whatever she was supposed to do. Steady, rhythmic brushstrokes filled the quiet once again. 

After what felt like hours of stillness, the bastard dared himself to shift his head and face her timidly—as if he was afraid he could melt under her piercing gaze.

"Thank you, for…for this," Albus grunted. He hadn't only meant for his hair.

Faith graced him with a dimpled smile—the one that made her eyes squint and showed the tiniest bit of the gap between her front teeth. She proceeded to tuck away a stray lock behind his ear, trailing down to hover over his cheek. Albus can practically feel the nervous tremble on her fingers as if she were hesitating on something. It all came to nothing in the end, closing her hands in a fist before withdrawing to her pouch to start cleaning up.

“Anytime, Albus. Besides, with how you always manage to find yourself in trouble,” the sister murmured, her voice playful (it never failed to leave Albus’ mind racing). Her eyes glinted as they locked into his almost like clockwork. “How can I not?”

Albus York sat by the empty bathtub of the ship’s quarters—fully clothed yet he had felt the most bare that he had ever been in front of someone. 

Faith smiled at him again and he swore he could make out the faintest halo crowning her head under the fluorescent bathroom light. ---- a/n: this is probably my most favorite fic that i wrote and i hope you enjoyed! lemme tell u this fic took way to long and got me so stressed for no reason idk ! i was worrying abt how this would happen in the timeline and all the lil details and then !! its a fic!! and im suppose to be having fun!! i am being self-indulgent!! (although i hope was able to characterize them well) again, feedback and comments r highly appreciated!! :DD have a good day/night and thank you for reading!!

[redstrawbluestraw]

I woke up in the middle of the night and now its your problem

Is the cel city suppoust to be a refrence to animation cels?

seeing felix is back to his og annoying self (we love you toxic king welcome back) I wanna ask if he's still a journalist/writer or if he's the unemployed friend at wendsday in the last call?

Oswald doesnt seem as depressed in your ver (thank you thank you thank you thank you i would not take well a total whiplash of his character randomly) so I gotta ask AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWEAR if ortensias still dead in here or if oswalds just single as in he and her didnt ever/seriously get together?

Also I wanted to ask if mickey has any dynamic with either felix or sheba bc bc funny bc you get it? can and a mouse yea

Have a good one o/ love ur stuff 🫶

INFERNOOOOOOO HIHI HI ITS ALWAYS A BLESSING TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!!!! <3333

IM SORRY I DIDNT ANSWER THIS SOONER FINALS WEEK WAS CRAZY But anyways let’s get cookin

1. YES ABSOLUTELY IT IS!!!! I’m hoping to have other puns for future cities and places heehee, but I’m so happy somebody noticed it!!!! <333 Cel City is essentially where “every” toon lives, so anywhere from bg toons, to toons that were drawn once or twice, or toons that aren’t relevant, hence Cel City!

2. As much as him being the unemployed friend on a Wednesday would be funny as fuck (reread this so many times it made my day fr) unfortunately I did make him employed. He’s still a writer, and still an archaeologist! Just bc Anthro is a huge passion of mine, and my favorite parts in the og babqftim were always whenever Felix locked in and used his knowledge. Wish there was more of that instead of ykno

Anyways, It’ll be explained more why he went down that path, but ultimately he’s still an annoying ass friend lol

Exhibit A (this doodle was done forever ago hence why it’s so ugly SORRY 😭😭)

3. I’ll leave this one kinda vague cause I don’t wanna spoil too much but first of all, totally agree, it pissed me off hella how he acted 😭😭

Ortensia and Oswald were married, madly in love but she did pass due to reasons. Oswald in turn processed his feelings a lot more aggressively than the og babqftim. While he is depressed, it’s definitely not going to be portrayed in the ways that we saw. Less nonverbal, more defensive and overly paranoid. He’s protective towards those he cares about and his walls are too high up for anybody to break them (doesn’t stop Felix from trying tho)

4. Mickey and Felix go waaaaay back!!!! They get along almost too well for a cat and a mouse!!

They get into all sorts of trouble, Mickey hates to admit it but he doesn’t get the hate Oswald has towards the guy. They both are their biggest fans, Felix has a soft spot for Mickey

For Sheba I like to think she teases him a lot, and Mickey is too nice and polite to tell her something. She’ll say something about eating him alive and Mickey would go “Oh! Well… golly, I can’t imagine I’d taste good!”

TYSM FOR YOUR ASK INFERNO THIS LEGIT MADE ME SMILE SO WIDE I HOPE YOU’RE DOING GOOD!!!!!! <333333

[ottoslab]

(Shakes you) otto you've GOTTA tell me more about the freelance mystery solvers I GOTTA KNOW ABOUT EM WHAT ARE THEY DOIN !!! I love your designs sm btw your SO REAL FOR THIS AHH

HEEHEE ohhh ok cracks my knuckles. Im gonna be writing this right before passing Out for the night so apologies in advance if this isn’t very comprehensible but i will GLADLY explain the funny freelance mystery solvers o7

EDIT HI This got so long im putting it under a readmore KGJFNGKJSGK.

Also! I didn’t draw anything to go with this ask because i told myself id give my hand a break, but I do actually have some recent doodles of Vern and Kitty i was doing in between the lineup so I’ll put them here for a little display ^_^ theyre not in context of anything im about to mention, just some dynamic exploration stuff that are their own whole other rambles

Ok! Readmore time! Paragraphs of nonsense! For your viewing pleasure!

So!! Vernon and Kitty are both employed by True Psychic Tales independently of each other when theyre older. Vernon is an illustrator/interviewer for the graphic novel division and Kitty works in special effects makeup for the more-recent live action film division! They don’t end up crossing paths for a while until being assigned to work together to research stuff for an up-and-coming TPT film project or smth. They become work buddies after reconnecting (though they choose to mostly ignore the fact that they knew each other as kids due to How They Were back then. They’re both very embarrassed about it for numerous reasons)

It becomes commonplace for them to help each other out with projects, and eventually through their research (fact-checking and digging through old psychonauts mission archives) they start to come across old psychonauts files of unfinished or ‘suspicious’ looking missions, ones that normally didnt get the green light to be told in graphic novel form due to the fact that they were inconclusive and, as a result, don’t make for good stories.

Kitty and Vernon end up sort of… picking up on these old missions in their spare time. It’s not psychonauts work but its also not not psychonauts work, you know? They team up to try and work out what lead to dead ends in missions and cross-referencing possibly related stories with other stories, and go out into the field to try and get answers. I picture it a lot in my brain as an episodic mystery series vis a vis scooby doo. They pick their archived mission log of the week to check out, go out, get some answers, and get a conclusion to bring back to TPT and a new graphic novel is made of the story they were able to uncover! With some more overarching plots where they get a little in over their heads here and there.

Franke’s got a bit less of a fleshed out role in all of this atm, mostly because i havent thought of him as much as the other two? My current vague-idea i have is that she and kitty had a falling out during their teen years, and Franke calls Kitty and Vernon falsely claiming to have a lead on a mystery theyve been working on, in order to try and reconnect with Kitty after she stopped talking to him. He has to come clean when whatever she leads them to actually ends up being a real psychic issue, and she has to explain that she doesn’t know what’s going on because she hadn’t actually called in about anything legit.

Franke does end up being a good help despite technically being the reason they got into deep shit in the first place, and Vernon’s probably the one who asks her to stick around (Kitty isn’t against it, but definitely isn’t really all too welcoming about it either.) They definitely have a whole thing where they all get closer and Kitty and Franke get to mend fences (a character arc along the lines of franke realizing he was kind of a hardass who wanted to make up without actually accepting any faults, and some other super impressive character arcs along the way im sure.) And all three of them continue to go on mystery deep-dives and uncover unfinished psychonauts missions!! Wahoo yahoo!!

Mystery incorporated asses! They’re fun, i enjoy them a lot! Hopefully this is some good tidbits of detail for u thank u for asking about them :]

[liloinkoink]

*runs into inbox clothes burning and disheveled* LAMPLIGHT QUESTIONS??? YOU WANT LAMPLIGHT QUESTIONS??? (i think you made that post like four days ago so i'm late but aaaaaaaa)

what do you think is like, The Turning Point in Martyn and Ren's companionship? Or if there's more than one already written, what's your favorite?

Is there a scene that you've really been excited to write for lamplight/one that you've written but haven't shown The Public yet?

In his original party, were there like, designated roles for everyone to play? Like healer/brawler/short-range/scholar etc? If so, what role do you think Martyn specialized in? And everyone else? Is there anything you would say lamplight Martyn is good at--- like a skill or something? Also, how long had the group been together before that incident at Dogwarts?

From what I can remember, Ren and Scar are the only Gods we've seen so far--- do you have an idea of any other familiar faces that are also Gods?

Do you have any other world-building details you wanna talk about? Any Martyn or Ren thoughts that you've been wanting to talk about?

Sorry if this is too many questions, you don't have to answer all of them! Give as vague answers as you please--- honestly, anything you say about the lamplight world i Will Chew Up Like Dog Toy, so put whatever you want!

Regardless, thank you for your writing and all your efforts! I hope you have a nice day ^_^

okay this is a massive ask with so many questions in it, so im gonna repeat/bold each question and deal w em one by one

i will put this under a cut bc it is So Long. below this cut is SO MUCH lamplight worldbuilding, like, So Much, so i hope you enjoy that

what do you think is like, The Turning Point in Martyn and Ren's companionship? Or if there's more than one already written, what's your favorite?

turning point... i guess it depends how you define a turning point? any point of development in their relationship? there's been a few--heliography, with Martyn deciding to swear a real oath to Ren (if still one he can back out of); sleeping hound, w Martyn realizing Ren wouldnt ever burn him; worship the ashes, love wins. there's another big one for Martyn planned that i havent written yet, and one, maybe two or three for Ren.

my favorite, tho, hmm... i think sleeping hound.

Is there a scene that you've really been excited to write for lamplight/one that you've written but haven't shown The Public yet?

i planned the scene for how Ren gets his body back literally day one of the damn fic and i still havent written it a year later i want to SO BAD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

literally this one fuckign scene is part of the reason i STARTED WRITING THE DAMN FIC. crying

for the latter half, i posted this!

In his original party, were there like, designated roles for everyone to play? Like healer/brawler/short-range/scholar etc? If so, what role do you think Martyn specialized in? And everyone else?

i get so many questions abt martyns og party you think after a year i would have answers to them but my answer is unfortunately always that i am a treebark writer making a treebark au and it isnt relevant to ren and martyn doing ren and martyn things so i didnt really bother

that said! i dont think they necessarily had roles? they all strike me as pretty mid-level adventurers. theyre not chosen ones on holy quests. none of them are going to have songs sung about them for decades to come. they can hold their own, but they arent saving the world. theyre like,,, fantasy backpacking. doing some minor jobs sometimes. all of em are skilled enough w their weapons/magic but none of em are like, The Fighter or The Mage.

all of them are swordsmen tho bc i think swords are cool. i think Jimmy is better at it than you think he is, but not as good as he says. he will occasionally surprise you by doing something really cool and then when he turns around to brag about it he eats shit. jimmys magic really only affects the area immediately around himself

i asked local to weigh in on bigb bc thats who im least confident on and he suggested bigb using a fighting style that heavily relies on a shield? like sword in one hand shield in the other. i think thats very sick. also, bigbs magic only affects his own body

i can see Grian having some kinda little explosives he uses to fight, tho he clearly doesnt have them anymore (and doesnt need em--bro has talons these days). he used to be immune to magic, but bc of the watchers, he now has a magical core and can be cast on, which is new to him

their group didnt have a leader, either, and all decisions were just made as a group. if asked, both Martyn and Jimmy would say they were the leader (tho neither would boast this anymore, due to believing that would imply having lead Grian to his death). Grian used to handle their money (and hes annoyed about having lost it)

Is there anything you would say lamplight Martyn is good at--- like a skill or something?

he's a musician! it's come up a few times, but he's skilled in a few instruments and has a nice singing voice. hes played a lute on page, i believe, but i think he could also use a harmonica. dont worry abt whether or not those have been invented yet i dont care i just think he deserves one. probs knows a fair amount of songs thatre good in taverns and some dances that accompany them. if he ever got tired of adventuring, he could probs make a fair amount playing at bars (he'd probs do it to fundraise for himself if he didnt have to worry abt ren's lantern)

he's also a pretty decent cook. at least, Ren really likes his cooking, when he has a body again, tho Ren hasnt eaten anything in 20 years

he's generally pretty strong/fit w good stamina to walk all day long. when Ren has a body again, Martyn will be strong enough to lift him, even tho Ren is not much shorter/smaller than him. Ren finds this incredibly impressive. Ren finds everything Martyn does incredibly impressive

of course, there's also being a deadzone, making him completely immune to magic (within reason--if someone casts fireball at him hes still going to burn). charms and curses dont work on him at all, which is very helpful as an adventurer

Also, how long had the group been together before that incident at Dogwarts?

jimmy, grian, and martyn were childhood friends, all lived in the same town/neighborhood (Evo) and grew up together. bigb moved to their hometown/neighborhood when Dogwarts fell, he was about 10? theyve been friends ever since. so theyve known each other about 20 years minimum

(note on ages: i dont know how old any of these people actually are so in lamplight theyre all like early 30s. pretty sure grian and jimmy are like late 20s? and bigb and martyn are somewhere in their 30s? so i set em all as early 30s)

barely related, it does make me laugh Dogwarts has Watchers and Evo doesnt

From what I can remember, Ren and Scar are the only Gods we've seen so far--- do you have an idea of any other familiar faces that are also Gods?

the answer to this is uh. kind of long and a little bit hysterical. so ill first direct you to this paragraph from moonlight ch2

i did actually have uh... a few things in mind for this? but not uh. not reasonable ones

so. quite a few of them. ill be honest. to fill the paragraph and make it long and expansive i recounted the pantheon from a zolu fic abt the entire strawhat pirate crew as gods which i wrote w my friend Sam when i was like 16. i do not think the strawhat pantheon is canon to lamplight but recalling the domains i used for the strawhats was how i made a lot of the list, so, uh, take that as you will

for other characters... the god of nothing is Scar. the god of death is Kristin. the god of blood is... not Technoblade, actually? tho ive thought abt him in Lamplight. i like to think he may actually also be a paladin, he travels around w Phil. gods of places references Ren but also is a shoutout specifically to my friend Zeph who loves place gods, so i just wanted the world to have lots of them

the god of survival is actually Martyn! in leaflight, the roleswap, Martyn has long since abandoned his post as a god, but he was born the god of survival

.....oh and uh. well. the god of decay is... me! my mcrp character on another server is the god of decay. the secret truth about this specific paragraph is i wrote the entire thing so i could make a cameo in lamplight

Do you have any other world-building details you wanna talk about?

magic system... have i told you guys about magical cores? i had some of this already in mind but typing it out i made up a lot more. it is also approaching 1am so if this doesnt make any sense that's why

every person in lamplight has a magical core. it's sort of like a,,, spiritual organ? a little core of magic in them which takes magic from the air and makes it usable for an individual. cores vary in size/reserve, which is how much magic a person can do at max / how much magic their core can store. they also vary in type/strength of magic, which i guess is what a person's core processes ambient magic as

people can usually only use one kind of magic, which corresponds to what their core is. i think the type of magic is mostly determined by what/who it works on. it might work on just you and the space around you, it might work on just objects, it might work on animals, it might work on other people. magic which works on just yourself is most common and weakest, and the majority of people have that

deadzones dont have a magical core At All. theres nothing in there. straight up missing an organ. most deadzones are born this way, but i can see it be possible to become one if you Really, REALLY exhaust your core, tho that's probs rare

casting a spell depends entirely on belief. if you believe it should work, and are confident in your spell, it should do what you want, esp if it's in your power. you can... probs push your limits a bit if youre super confident, and doing this enough with enough confidence is basically the closest thing to training one's magic a person can get?

related, i can see bc of this kids having magic thats just a little stronger than adults bc of this, which is cute. kids probs also have smaller cores w smaller reserves, tho im not sure how much a core grows as a person ages

inanimate objects dont have magical cores or innate magic. i said earlier i think the lamplight world has a lot of ambient magic just floating about (which is how cores refill back to baseline once you use magic), but it doesnt stick to things unless you make it. to cast on an object, you have to use magic from your own core to adhere it to the thing youre casting on (which is why spells casted on objects dont USUALLY last that long--as said in moonlight, most only last a short while, and ren's enchants only lasted for months is just bc he was insanely powerful). you basically give items a little piece of your core with an instruction of how to use it

(jimmy's magic i think affects himself and ambient magic around him, while bigb draws entirely on his own core and can only affect himself)

i dont know if animals have magical cores ive never thought about it until this exact second. probably, but not ones most creatures know how to use? magic is belief based, they might use magic a little bit on accident? i dont know. some monsters absolutely have magical cores they know how to use

this is probs how zombies work. i think it's either a curse cast by one very powerful god/magic user a long time ago, or that people need to be properly buried or else weird things happen to their lingering magical core. or smth. i havent entirely decided

to cast on a person, you need to get your magic to stick to, cover up, or drown out Their magical core, depending on the spell. spells cast on other people dont last very long bc magical cores dont tend to like things intruding on them. this is why deadzones cant be cast on--no core, nothing for other magic to stick to

it's a little bit like a sliding scale? "weakest" magic is yourself, it's easiest to cast on yourself bc your will is your own and should generally line up w your magic, so long as you believe in what you're doing. then ambient magic, bc it's just chillin, you just need a little extra strength to grab it. then objects, tho you have to share a little will to cast on objects. then animals, they usually have smaller magical cores than ppl, friendly animals are a bit easier to bend to your will, tho some animals are harder to cast on then others, esp hostile animals or monsters. then other people. people have their own will and their own cores that are most difficult to bend/influence. so magic that works on other ppl is the "strongest"

being able to cast on a later step on the scale, like animals or ppl, doesnt mean you can do all the steps before it, tho. Scar i think can ONLY cast on living things, his magic sorta specializes in sticking to other ppls' cores. i would imagine all magic users can cast on themselves at least a little tho

to cast on a deadzone, you have to first give them a magical core, which is incredibly difficult, unstable, and dangerous. it requires a lot of power and a lot of people, which is why it did such weird things to Grian

divine magical cores are on another level entirely compared to mortals, and tho ren's was impressive as a human, it got infinitely more powerful when he became a god. he's basically a well of magic all on his own, w no limit on the size/reserve of his core

ren is overflowing w magic, but it works only on inanimate objects (things that dont have wills of their own to fight his) and himself (obviously he doesnt have to fight his own will). if Martyn werent a deadzone, he could probablt have cast on late-series Martyn, as martyn's will as ren's paladin would probs line up w ren's own

none of these rules are super hard and set in stone. lamplight magic is vibe based first and foremost

uhhh. i dont know if this all made sense? if it doesnt feel free to ask follow up questions

oh, and before anyone asks:

jimmy has a slightly more powerful core than bigb bc he can cast on ambient magic and bigb cant. bigb's core is probs bigger than jimmy's tho, so he can use more magic / use magic for longer than jimmy can

Any Martyn or Ren thoughts that you've been wanting to talk about?

heres a fun fact: gods are supposed to give their paladins blessings. Ren is no exception to this, but bc Martyn has no magical core, he cant receive them. if he did, ren's blessings would be all about protection. it'd basically be like casting armor enchants like protection and unbreaking directly on martyn's body? he'd less likely to be directly injured and sturdier in general. he would also be completely resistant to any fire, not just ren.

(the thing i said earlier is sort of why blessings work for Ren despite the fact hes technically mortal, but for other gods blessings are automatic so long as the paladin's oath stands)

Ren is aware of the fact he should be able to bless Martyn and cant and is sort of upset about it, but he blessed his armor, so he thinks thatll have to be enough

[skunkes]

sorry if this is a silly question but do you like. sit down and talk with your ocs in your head? and they tell you about themselves? how do you get them to reveal information....i am begging mine to let me know them orz

I do! In several different ways ^_^ the trick is to think of yourself as a character in your brain theater... ill mostly be explaining thru examples and using silly language ^_^ and its more How I Do It vs a how to....

"Sitting down and talking to em" interrogation style only happens before they're fully formed. when talon still didnt have very many traits it was like we were in a white room with 2 chairs... although you COULD make a scenario out of this its usually the Before for me. final tweaks in the form of basic traits and info before sending em out for further development

the way i get ocs to tell me about themselves is more thru actions! with talon I "locked him in a room" with al in the form of imagining how they'd meet. because I set it in talon's decrepit home with no running water or electricity, there come questions like. would he be accommodating? would he explain the vampirism or just rely on flashing his fangs or hiding them until its time to bite? these arent questions i actually went into the scenario having, but as you Play Dolls its questions that get answered anyway, ykwim? (although you could also go into the simulation (lol) with questions you want answered!) And its your brain so you can do as many takes and tweaks as you want, and things develop as you imagine the same thing, or different things, which all inform a character.

Scenarios could be anything. Im a serial daydreamer so anything goes depending on how bored I am or what im doing... and just like with real people, every scenario is a way to learn more about somebody...! It's like improv in your brain as you think up how they'd react and respond to things, and what they'd say. But also, going with your oc to the grocery store or a restaurant or to slay a dragon could give you insight into their behavior but likely not any info about their trauma or whatever, just like real people (but it also depends on the person) (and the oc!)

I DO have "sit down and talk" scenarios once i feel ive learned enough standard, early level friendship stuff about em though. It's much fun if you set the scene in your mind to mimic a real life Deep Conversation session. Sitting in the backyard on those plastic chairs, or aimless car ride at night. right now the one I keep going back to is just. Loafed in bed when you're really sleepy and just starting to say anything about anything and maybe get a little sentimental. sometimes its just me talking but I obvs have the ability to imagine how he'd be interpreting that in his brain, ykwim?? You play several roles at once I guess. It's like the sims, switching back and forth between povs, but the level of immersion i get into never feels like I'm Making Them Say It, it just feels natural at that point because I've learned enough.

There's also information that's shared by you figuring out what they'd Think (as above) vs what they say which is also fun characterwise... AND ALSO while im daydreaming scenarios I do multiple takes to find their voice. Like, I'm an overexplainer, a detailed therapy-speak-er. Sometimes I catch myself giving ocs that Voice and I have to do a retake. Like hold on, Talon would NOT be introspective. He wouldn't share all that shit I just "made" him say even if it is true and now I know about it. He'd say something insanely vague and confusing if anything at all. Let's take it from the top. etc

It rlly is about immersion! You have to have fun with it! Sometimes it's so Real to me that I genuinely can't develop an oc further because I cant make something up for them and they wont "tell me", which means I just have to spend more time with em I guess! or maybe need to leave em alone for a bit. or maybe ill never know (<- which also tells me about em!) just like real people. treat the fake people like real people in your fake dollhouse brain theater sims lot puppet show simulation.... also i added more in the tags bc i didnt know where to put it in the main txt 😭

[mekha-draws]

🥭🍌🍏 !

--terra-tortoise

🥭Show off a dragon who's doomed by the narrative and talk about them!

everyone here is haunted by the narrative where do i even begin lmao(?

actually thinking of it, Morus might be a better example here. He was born with a silver spoon, anything he could ever imagine or desire was within his reach and under his whims. A spoiled child that wore his parents' patience thin more often than not to the point that they took harsh measures to limit his excess and give him proper eduation and values to not take everything for granted. Being young at the time he just handwaved their lectures.

Once reaching adulthood he came to meet Rubra, a coatl of lower class, humble but also one to keep real to him and not shy to confront him and his attitude which made something in his demeanor change gradually coming to appreciate her being in many ways. Their friendship (and love) was denied by his parents and while they are conscious that they might have gone overboard in their actions they knew it was for the best to rid of the rotting issues before Morus did something really reprochable.

Morus never knew who was the perpetrator, where she was disposed of or the reasons if any; but the quick dismissal of his superiors made him take actions to answer those questions on his own, setting on a journey he came to learn of her fate and of those that came to guard her last resting place, a place he is not allowed to enter as they don't deem him worthy of his apologies and presence no matter how much wealth and threats he throws to earn their... whatever he needs to get to her.

He is haunted by her memory and everything both enjoyed together. And so he currently struggles to figure what to do to get it all back, to get the only one he really cares for, back.

🍌Show off your favorite couple/throuple/etc and share some information on how they first met, fell in love, etc!

ok im gonna go banana here sorry in advance (also gonna keep it super vague on some details because this is something im figuring to adapt so it makes better sense later hehe)

I did mention their relationship is a bit of a conflict and yeah, thats very much it at first lol. Their lore in general is based on another concept/worldbuilding thing im just re-adapting from. For the moment just know that chimeras, manticores, jailers and hermits are titles for sacred/revered beings, with the former two being always at conflict with each other to the point of being considered natural enemies.

Sen is a trained hunter, at first that was not her role but ones beyond her clan knew the potential for a greater chimera to be made from her and so she was enlisted and trained properly to fit that (and had some greater education on the side as well, ordered by her own clan who didnt want her to become some mindless fool nor weapon if they could avoid that).

Joule on the other hand was the runt of the litter on a continuous effort to create [the] manticore. Althought his chances for survival were slim he was kept safe by his sibling(s) to spare him the rejection of the rest of the clan. Eventually he would become the true manticore their clan was aiming to create but that came with a cost and his own escape.

Their first meeting was a messy one, not one of Sen's best days on the prowl and just another disastrous one for Joule. At this point in time Sen spends her days chasing and exterminating beasts and pests to earn her living beyond the watching eyes of the masters she resents; she got notice of the bounty on some "disruptor beast" and while she would usually reject any quest involving other dragonkind or anything ambiguous in nature she took it on insistence of a friend.

Once the identity of the disruptor beast was cleared as Joule, she was about to spare him without much fanfare but her instinct took in after understanding the true creature before her, getting each other into a fight -one where Joule was the less experienced one- as he tried to avoid as much as he could, all coming to an end as he managed to incapacitate the other by a lucky hit forcing Sen to break away.

Future encounters would follow the same pattern, sometimes conflict being initiated by Joule himself as he gained more confidence but most of them ending in bitter stalemates until both became too tired of the routine and eventually learned to bear each other long enough to keep a truce and figure what the hell they were falling into.

Their relationship starts with a slow mutual understanding of their shitty situation(s) and how they might be able to help each other and become better than what they were meant to be. Feelings come and go but neither have the experience or knowledge to call it love (yet) they will be it's just gonna take a while~

🍏Show off a dragon family and talk about them! Do you have siblings, parents & kids, etc? (If you don't have any families in your lore, choose one of the other prompts instead!)

There is more found families here actually(?, I have a couple WIPs but they are so early in what I wanna do with them that I dont feel confident saying anything for them yet ;-;

Instead I'll share another pathetic boyo because that's fun <3

and of course, it's a tundra! Sarqi only has two modes: epic traveller with a knack for grandiose storytelling involving his many discoveries across the land and sad cursed motherfucker that is just one bad day away of getting murder-killed by vengeful spirits coming for the many trinkets he has pilfered without knowledge.

And really, one would think he is getting his ass cursed on purpose to set some sort of record but he does not seem to connect the dots between his misfortune and the ominously lighted piece of scrap he just picked up outside some abandoned shack in the middle of the road.

"That's just superstisions! why would this random broken badge be haunted it's just kinda ugly and rusted and I doubt there is much value on it to even be worthy of causing despair over it" *said badge belonged to an old era sorcerer and it was a gift from their wife, the ghost is kinda mad that he stole it from his unmarked grave*

(oh also! he was born my country's equivalent of april fools which is just a bit funny to me in particular)

[fluffyartbl0g]

Going through all my follows rn, what's your favourite character/ship (platonic or otherwise) dynamics?

(also I know I've just randomly shown up in your asks, your time travel au has been an absolute joy to read, keep it up friendo!!!)

Thank you so much :DDD!!! I'm so glad that you've enjoyed reading my time travel au and I super appreciate the ask cause I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY ONE PIECE OPINIONS >:DDD!!!! I'll put it under read more ouo

Anyways my OTP,,,, is,,, NAKAMASHIP!!!! There's nothing more that I love than the strawhat crew ; - ; I have literally shed tears over all of my strawhats and I love that they all love eachother deeply... On my one piece reread- I made sure to pay extra attention to all the character interactions and jokes. And can I just say, I see so many people talk about how the strawhats barely interact post time skip, or that some characters are basically strangers to each other (I saw someone say this about Franky and Zoro), but THEY DO TALK!!! THEY HAVE SO MANY FUN INTERACTIONS!!!

Oda is SO good at balancing these funny little character moments between important story beats >:O I think Zou in particular had a bunch of nakamaship moments that I really loved. One of my favourite lesser loved dynamics in the crew is usopp and robin (which you would know if you looked at my art of them XD) because they have a bunch of funny bits between them :3

My romantic OTP of all time is ZOLU THOUGH. And I tried really hard to not ship it immediately when i first started reading one piece, because I do this kind of thing alot when I get into media where I latch onto the protag and the guy close to the protag and ship em together??? Like I was so obsessed with JohnDave that DaveKat just hurt me,,, And I liked bakudeku so much that I couldn't get into kiribaku... AND I DIDNT WANT THE TREND TO CONTINUE TO ONE PIECE T - T And it SOMEWHAT did, but it also somewhat didnt. When I first heard Zosan was the most popular ship, like leagues above zolu, I was in physical pain,,, But REMEMBER; nakamaship is my first otp, so I still really enjoyed the idea of zoro and sanji because I enjoy the dynamics between ALL of my strawhats >:(!!!

I'm super duper obsessed with one piece and it sucks that there's all this great fanfiction out there that is effectively barred against me because there's a ship that I don't like >:/ So what I did to become more accepting of Zosan is,,, I drew them making out a ton XD If you look at my early one piece doodle piles, you'll see one of them with a couple of zosan things HAHAHA. Honestly it vaguely worked, but I'm super picky about the zosan fics I read, cause I feel like people can wildly mischaracterize zoro pretty easily.

Anyways I don't think I really answered ur question properly, I really love the king/knight loyalty but also just good bros dynamic that's happening with luffy and zoro :) But in general I just love a good sunshine person/grumpy person ship! (geraskier, bakudeku, megamenace, kagehina, hitomi and shousuke <<< quite upset that the ship sank, Fakir and Ahiru, wrightworth, etc)

Thanks again for the question <3

[daydrinking75]

"are you afraid to be yourself?"

".....

...

yes"

"im terrified, terrified of it.

it scares me and feeds my depression and anxiety and whatever bullshit's in my brain i don't care anymore

of course im terrified

some of these thoughts are genuinely horrific

i didnt ask for them, to have them, to think

but im forced to sit and watch.

like a trainwreck with a plane crash landing on top of it and a commet behind that

and all i cant do is cry

a foreigner in my own brain

what is this place? why is everything so terribly sad yet violent?

i dont want to go here

but thats where i live

and will live

until i die

and im not me anymore

im just cosmic dust

perfectly balanced in every capacity, entwined with nature

but never myself

so dont fuck it up.

im rather harsh on myself about it

i guess its like talking to voices is voices were just vague feelings, and you've learned to give them a voice a method of communication to understand them better

but its just a voice

so like...?

because i've already dreamt of it

and really im in charge here, so i dont see why i should be subservient to an egoistic premonition of the future when nothing is certain, when the universe is chaotic?

this isnt some kind of usurp of my ego but more like a

redistribution of matter

haha

i had to, sorry

but really if yourself and your shame are both you then all you are doing is transphring some kind of energy (or attention or power or whatever)

those two parts aren't antagonistic towards one another

well they are

but they are also in an inherit partnership.

fear and guilt and shame

and all those things that keep me chained to this mentality

they are inasmuch me as everything inside me that wants to be free

thats why i believe that shame is a natural response to individuation made to hold us back from transcending the self.

now we cant all melt into one very large very grotesque piece of flesh

but we should be able to somehow psychologically be able to bypass out consciousness and dive into the collective unconscious even briefly

my thoughts are that its overwhelming; the ego is like a dam

that keeps the ocean from washing away a proverbial Atlantis

but i thirst and long for water

to be embraced by it once more

far back in evolution

when i was a reptail

thats what i mean

it cradles me like a child forever in this cosmic amniotic fluid

i hear a baby crying

but i know its not real

every now and then i have auditory hallucinations

every now and then they make me cry

sometimes laugh

depends on the day

i will swim out i think, in some kind of dive suit

though i want to feel it on my skin

i think id disintegrate

and i will stay a while

its a lovely view

and before i go

at some point or another

would you kill me?

answer honestly,

please

[falloutjuli]

While not 100% happy with everything I didnt wanna hold it back any longer so here it is, da sequel. This time named after Scary Love by The Neighbourhood. Its a little more focused on Johnnys depression simply because I didnt wanna specify readers issues much so its more inclusive. Well anyway, I hope you sill like it and stay tuned for more content uwu

----------------------

Johnny x suicidal!Reader – Scary Love

Wordcount: 7,3k

Short summary: Noticing that Johnny is falling into old unhealthy habits you and Gyro worry. When you finally catch a moment to talk to him, he reveals his issues, and you have a good way of solving them.

Warnings: Mention of suicide, depression, self-hatred, all that Jazz, just like last time uwu. (More on Johnny focused this time to keep Readers issues vague) Also, there’s sex in this one. So yeah, general NSFW warning, Praise Kink, Johnny being possessive, Reader is the CEO of praise for Johnny.

AFAB genitals for reader but no gender mentioned. Spit as lube and bareback sex YEEHAW

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

-----------------------

"Mornin' Gyro!" You mumbled as you sat down across from your roommate who sat that the kitchen table. His hair was tied in a messy bun and still wet from his shower, and the dark bags under his eyes were as prominent as ever. He sipped on his coffee, barely registering that you were there. "Buon giorno." He finally answered and his head fell almost onto the table.

"You make a prime example of what everyone thinks medical students look like."

"Handsome as fuck?"

"No, tired and done." Gyro shrugged, accepting your thesis as correct. You quickly went for some coffee yourself since Gyro had already been so kind to make a whole pot, probably to keep downing it to keep working. Exam phase had him in a choke hold currently, and you really didn't envy him.

"It'll be over soon. Then you can go back to your normal days."

"I hope so. The falling asleep on my desk thing is starting to kill me."

"Then sleep in the bed." You stated dryly, but you knew he wouldn't. He took studying very seriously. At least most of the time.

"Have ya seen Johnny already?"

"Nope. You know he sleeps in, especially when he worked all night." You nodded and sat back down across from him.

"You look tired yourself..." Gyro stated and made it sound questioning. "Yeah, a bit. Been sleeping bad as of late." Gyro nodded and took a sip before he continued.

"Feeling worse as of late or any idea what the cause could be?" You chuckled. He was truly cut out to be a doctor.

"Just mentally exhausted. It'll pass by soon probably." The longhaired blond gave you a pleasant smile, he by now too knew of your problems but he would never judge. He was already used to Johnny, and you were his friend too.

Speaking of the blond ex jockey, he came rolling, looking in a worse state than Gyro even.

"Mornin' darlin'." He mumbled and gave you a kiss on the cheek and greeted Gyro before taking his usual space at the table. Just so the little grumpy cat didn't have to bother with his coffee you got up to get a mug for him and filled it with the same liquid that you and Gyro were already consuming. He kindly thanked you as he wrapped his lanky fingers around the ceramic mug.

"We're going to the stables later. You wanna come along?" Johnny asked you but you didn't feel up for it today.

"Sorry, I'll come along next time. But greet the girls from me, yeah?" Gyro stared at you with a confused expression before he got it, nodding.

"You seriously need some sleep Gyro. Proper sleep. Otherwise, you're gonna make me worry that you're gonna crash your car." "Yeah yeah." He mumbled, obviously not taking you seriously.

“Julius.” You warned him and he gasped, playing offended but you got your point across. The day you had found out that Gyro wasn’t his actual name had been chaotic.

--

“Hey Julius!” You greeted Gyro who sat with Johnny in the living room, the two formerly busy with a boardgame but at the sound of that name, Gyros head snapped in your direction before he began staring at Johnny.

“YOU FUCKING TOLD THEM?” “No, I didn’t!” Johnny defended himself with Gyro not believing a word. He turned to you and pointed a finger accusingly at Johnny.

“His real name is Jonathan!” You stared confused at the two, not really grasping what has happening here. “Oh wow, what a secret!” Johnny replied sarcastically.

“Oh, then do they know about your other little secret, mhmm?” The teasing tone in Gyros voice had Johnny mad.

“Don’t you fucking dare!”

“Why are only you allowed to tell them secrets!” The two kept screaming at each other, getting only more railed up. You stood there in shook at the sudden shift in tone between them, not wanting to tell Gyro you knew because you had found his lost ID behind the cupboard in the corridor.

--

Gyro got up to put his mug into the sink, stating a nap would indeed be nice and disappeared into his room.

"What day is it?" You asked Johnny and he immediately knew he fucked up.

"Wednesday." He mumbled.

"And where were you supposed to be two hours ago?"

"I cancelled it this time." You stared at him blankly.

"That’s not the point. You're not supposed to skip physical therapy constantly." Johnny felt annoyed already. He knew you were more than right, he needed to go. For himself. But he couldn't.

"I know you're struggling right now but walking this path of self-destruction isn't good. You only hurt yourself this way." He didn't reply but you didn't mind.

"I really don't know what's gotten into you recently." With that you left the kitchen too, leaving behind a Johnny who hated that you were right.

Johnny's path of self-destruction had begun about two weeks back when he suddenly skipped his physical therapy, stating he had forgotten.

Can happen once yeah, but not four times in a row. He also seemed a lot more in thought, and he distanced himself.

You let him be at first, knowing Firsthand that sometimes you needed time alone, but Johnny was really pushing it. You weren't mad per se, only disappointed that he kept pushing you and Gyro away to wither away in his room all day.  

You sighed as you let yourself fall onto your bed. Just what set him off you wondered. You couldn't remember anything special happening. "Johnny Day" was still a few months away, his studies were going well, everything was going great.

So, what exactly had happened to sour his mood was a mystery to you. And as much as you hated to admit it but seeing him like this involuntarily made you feel a little miserable too. You couldn’t help him much, which angered you even. Feeling helpless while seeing the person you held dear to your heart ripped it apart.

Not wanting to let your mind be dominated by the dark thoughts that crept up, you reached for your nightstand. Its drawer to be more specific, to get your scrapbook out.

You flipped through the pages, reliving the memories you made with the people you adored most. Be it you three in your Halloween “power puff girls” costumes, Christmas together or just recently when you went out to party together again.

---

You shuddered as you downed the alcohol Gyro had brought to the table. “Couldn’t you have gotten something better than this ass-tasting shit?” Johnny complained in your place and Gyro just shrugged.

“Don’t be like that, I can get something else later.” You chuckled along, just feeling beyond happy you went out with the guys.

“Besides you picked this tacky excuse of establishment, so don’t complain now.” Gyro was right. Johnny’s choice of bar wasn’t what either of you had expected. Well, kind of. It was old western/cowboy themed, but you weren’t one to complain.

The wooden interieur was still giving you a comfortable feeling and it certainly was a fun new thing and different from the usual clubs you had visited. The waitresses were running around in cowgirl outfits, completed with hats and everything. Further down the big room was a mechanical bull, where people gathered to cheer on whoever was currently giving it a go. Near it was the music station where a mix of older songs came from.

Johnny followed your gaze down to the open area. “I used to be pretty decent at that!” Johnny commented as he saw you mustering the bull who had just tossed off its rider.

“Really?” You asked astonished and saw the sparkle in his eyes when he told you all about how he was second to the record holder.

“Why not give it a go now Jaw-Knee?” Gyro asked teasingly and the blond shook his head. “Nah, my legs don’t give me enough support just yet. Maybe some other day.” Gyro nodded and held his glass up.

“Then I shall try!” He proclaimed, downed the shot, and began making his way over.

“Come on! Let’s see him make a fool of himself!” Johnny said and tugged on your arm. You laughed wholeheartedly and followed the blond who eagerly went after his friend. Once there Johnny sat comfortably in the front with you behind him, your hands on his shoulders.

You watched two other people before it was Gyros turn finally. He looked his part with his odd hat he always wore while riding and brought along today for the occasion. His flashy golden smile was directed towards you two as he climbed on the bull.

“Do we do time bets?” Johnny asked you and you heard the smirk in his voice. “Oh, hell yeah. Five bucks on 40 seconds.” “Five on more than that.”

You chuckled and watched Gyro confidently flex his arms for fun, making some ladies in the crowd ogle him before he was startled by the sudden movement of the machine. Gyro quickly caught onto the rope part and held it tight, hollering along with the music.

“What a fool.” You laughed and Johnny shook under your fingers from trying to contain his amusement. Around the thirty second mark Gyro wasn’t being so cocky anymore has he was desperately clinging onto the mechanical animal underneath him. One hand still high in the air, the other gripping the rope tight, his legs firmly pressed against it.

“You’re gonna loose.” Johnny sing sang. And he was right. The timer passed forty seconds, Gyros expression now primarily pure concentration, and you knew Johnny had won.

Damn him.

At 53 seconds Gyro was tossed of, landing with an oompf in the cushions not too far away from Johnny and you.

The Italian quickly gathered his hat and exited, striding to his friends quickly.

“Wasn’t that good?” He asked, grin spread wide across his face. The two of you nodded eagerly and you quickly dug around in your pocket to pull out a crumbled five-dollar bill to hand to Johnny.

“Oi, what’s that for?” Gyro questioned. “We bet on your time. Y/N lost.” Johnny explained and happily tugged the bill in his wallet. “Gamblers.” Gyro playfully scoffed and gestured to the bar.

“Then at least be so kind to get us some drinks with the money you earned thanks to me!” Gyro said and Johnny rolled his eyes before making his way over to the bar. You watched after him for a second before Gyro grabbed you and pulled you back to the table.

You two chatted before Johnny came back, a little tray placed in his lap with the drinks on it. “I got us better stuff this time around.” He proclaimed but you watched Gyro snatch one drink and sniff it, his face souring.

“Whiskey? You think that’s better?” He asked and Johnny nodded. “Heck yeah. You just don’t have taste.”

“I’ll get drinks next time if you can’t behave.” You mumbled and grabbed your glass too. In the process of leaning over you kissed Johnny cheek, simply feeling affectionate. Maybe the first round of alcohol already took effect.

“Stahp.” Johnny complained. He was never huge on PDA. Gyro just giggled. “Johnny and Y/N sitting in a tree K-I-S- You’re such a child sometimes.” Johnny interrupted him and took a sip from his glass.

“You both are.” You corrected, now taking a sip too. Man. You were right. They both have no taste.

After you had later introduced them to better tasting alcohol (which they didn’t stick to, since they are stubborn and would rather wallow in their bad tasting stuff), you all just chatted about anything.

How their classes were going, about riding, Gyros funny escapades back when he was still in Italy. It was a great time, everyone having fun, especially Johnny who by now was resting his head on his arm on the table only looking at you with a dreamy expression.

“Ohh, I like this song!” Gyro proclaimed, which you barley registered as you were too busy staring back at Johnny.

You couldn’t help but marvel at his beauty. He looked so pretty in the dimmed lights with the strobe lights occasionally lighting him in blue, green and red.

You were ripped out of you trance and Johnny consequently too when Gyro pulled you with him to dance. Now that your brain didn’t fully focus on Johnny anymore you found your steps and stopped the awkward stumbling after Gyro. You chuckled and danced along with Gyro, who occasionally spun you around. Johnny remained at the stable, seemingly content with just watching you two.

---

You looked at the photo of that evening which served as a reminder in your book. It was you and Gyro dancing, having a great time together. Johnny had been so kind to take that one with his phone and send it to you to print and put in the book.

The book was coming along nicely, as well as all other aspects in your life. Having met Johnny and making your recovery path together with each other’s support has been the best thing in your life. So, it made you even sadder that currently Johnny was stumbling, refusing help from anyone, even you.

“I’m fine.” “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Just some minor thing.”

He was playing dumb, hoping the little white lies would satisfy you. But you saw right through him. There was more going on than he wanted you to know. But you were determined to find out, wanting to help him get back on track. Him skipping and cancelling his therapy made you especially warry.

This wasn’t just a bad day, or a bad week as he had claimed.

Frustrated you rolled off your bed, and sat at your desk, booting up your laptop to get some work done. During your time you eventually faintly heard Johnny and Gyro in the living room, probably preparing to go to the stables.

You weren’t sure if you had imagined that, but it sounded almost like Johnny had eventually come over to your door but just stood outside of it before going away. You were unsure if he had wanted to come in and talk or something, but you were almost glad he didn’t.

Because it’d mean the talk would be cut short, probably by an impatient Gyro and therefore barely made any sense. You catch him later and talk to him. Soon enough it was completely quiet, so they probably left.

Snatching your headphones from the corner of the table you kept working away, getting good progress in. A message from a certain Italian had you then take a break. He had sent a photo of Johnny riding happily on the track at the stables.

>He’s in a better mood. Did you talk to him already?< You weren’t the only one who had noticed his change. While Gyro didn’t get him the way you did, he always tries his best to be support for the both of you. And when Gyro caught on that Johnny was skipping therapy, he wished he could help more but his exams had him in a choke hold currently.

>Not yet. Only made my stance clear this morning. I’ll get him later and try to get the answer.<

>Alrighty. Wanna see something beautiful?< >Sure.<

You wondered what Gyro would send now. And of course, it was a selfie with his beloved Valkyrie. >Dork.< You commented dryly.

--

A few hours passed with you later deciding on a break that contained scrolling through various social media sites and getting a drink. Just as you drank the last bit of your iced tea, you heard the front door being closed. You waited for a few minutes, giving the boys time to take off their shoes and relax before you opened your door.

Johnny was already seated at the couch in the living room, looking a little tired. You spotted Gyro hurrying along with a bottle of water into his room, probably going back to studying.

“How’s Slow Dancer?” You asked and got over to the blond, who seemed spooked for a second, obviously not having noticed you. “She’s doing good, just missed you there.” He smiled.

“I’ll come next time yeah?” You plopped down next to him, turning his head with your hand on his cheek to kiss him.

“Stop I smell like horse.” You just shrugged and gave him another, driving home the point that you really didn’t care. “I…I wanted to say sorry.” You raised an eyebrow. Johnny didn’t look at you while he spoke.

“What for?”

“I don’t know. I guess skipping therapy, getting bitchy about the topic. Ya know. All that stuff.” He rubbed his neck and nervously glanced at your face.

“You’re… Not gonna break up with me, right?”

“That’s what you’re worried about, really?” You cocked you head and gave him the most confused look ever.

“Johnny, that’s not what this is about. I wanna know why you suddenly made a one hundred- and eighty-degree turn in behavior. You have been odd recently and I don’t like not knowing what’s going on with you. I can’t help you then.” Johnny kept staring at the floor, kneading his hands nervously.

“Do you remember that time we went out? To the western club?” You made a humming noise, signaling for him to continue.

“Ever since I have been feeling just… Like shit. I don’t know why but… Seeing you dance with Gyro…”

You furrow your brow in confusion, trying to piece together what Johnny is saying. Hesitantly you spoke; “Are you... Jealous?” You questioned carefully, trying to not come to the wrong conclusion.

“I-...I guess. Not of Gyro and you... Rather… I hate not being able to do with you what he can.” Johnny looked away, struggling to explain his feelings.

“I wanted to dance with you so bad. Have you spin around, show off. But I can’t. And it made me realize that… You could always do better.” You heart ached hearing his words.

“Johnny I- No I mean it. There’s a looooot of stuff we can’t do thanks to my lame feet. I’m also often described to have a horrendous personality. And so, I just worry… That someday you’ll find someone better. And leave me like most people in my life did.” You reached for his hand tenderly holding it.

“Don’t even dare to think that. I love you. More than anything else yeah?” You shifted, moving to straddle his lap as you sat on top of him, gently cupping his face with your hands. In his blue eyes you saw the tears that threatened to escape and the sad expression that painted his face.

“I love you.” You repeated, hoping it’d get through his stubborn head.

“You mean it?” Suppressing a sigh, you just leaned down to kiss him slowly. Once you parted you remained just as close to whisper against his lips.

“Of course. You’re perfect Johnny.”

“Now you’re lying.” He retorted and you really wanted to slap him across the face to get him thinking straight. But you knew better, kinder ways.

“I am not. Calling me a liar Johnny? That’s rude. I ain’t lying when I say all these things.” You kissed the corner of his mouth, then moved to pepper his face in kisses.

“I love your hair, it’s so beautiful and soft. Love running my hands through it.” You let your hands do exactly that to put emphasis on your words, pushing his beanie off his head.

“And your eyes are so pretty. I could get lost in them for hours.” You felt Johnny melt in your touch already when you had barley started. Moving your head down to his neck, you continued to kiss him there. His own hands rested comfortably on your waist, holding you steady, as your attack on his neck continued.

“I love being with you Johnny. Be it going riding with you, lay by your side in bed, or just be in the same room as you. You always brighten my day.” From the corner of your eye, you briefly saw a smile on his lips.

“And your smile honey. Its mesmerizing. Also, when you speak with your heavy accent when you wake up. There couldn’t be a cuter thing in the world.” Johnny was not one to handle praise well, he normally pretty dismissive but your words right now went right to his heart, making it flutter with each word you spoke.

“You’re so beautiful.” You whispered and went to suck on his neck, earning a gasp from the man underneath your touch. You bit him, before giving the spot an apologizing lick and went to look at your work.

“You look even prettier like this.” You mumbled, chuckling. “I love you, Johnny Joestar. Only you.” The grasp on your waist grew tighter, you knew he was debating if he should retort or not.

“But I- If you wanna say you’re a selfish asshole, then rest assured that I disagree with that and would rather describe you as thoughtful, humorous and loving.” Johnny’s blond brows furrowed together. You knew him too well.

“Johnny…” You mumbled as you went to put your forehead against his.

“I won’t leave you because you have a difficult day or week. I won’t leave you just because you can’t walk without aid. I won’t leave because you’re snarky sometimes. I will only leave if you ask me to.” The tears in his eyes made their escape as you finished speaking.

“I... I don’t want you to go. Never. I love you Y/N.” You smiled as you reunited your lips again.

“Want me to make you feel better?” You asked in a whisper and immediately you felt the goosebumps on his arms. You removed yourself from him, giving him a moment before you offered him your arm.

“You want help?”

“That’d be nice.” He said and grabbed it, letting you pull him up and use you as support, ditching his crutches that still rested at the end of the couch.

Carefully you moved into your room and let Johnny fall on the bed, who took the initiative and sprawled out, grinning at you from below. He looked pretty and you absolutely couldn’t understand why he’d ever think he wasn’t enough.

Especially the contrast of his still teary eyes and the cocky grin on his lips made him so lovable. And loving him was easy, especially when you two shared a bond so strong, nothing could break it. Johnny pushed himself up with his elbows to grab you hand and pull you on top of him. You adjusted yourself in his lap again, already pushing his hoodie up.

“You’re so impatient.” He commented and you rolled your eyes. How can anyone go from such a bad depressive state to being a cocky asshole. A good-looking asshole even. Well, that was Johnny, the man who masterfully parkoured in-between his emotions ever so often.

Maybe you had that effect on him, lifting his spirits so easily, but you also didn’t want to come off as haughty, accrediting yourself such a power.

So instead, you wrote it off as a Johnny being touch starved thing. When you first noticed how touch starved the blond had been before you felt saddened for a moment before giving him all you got. That’s how your casual cuddles became a thing long before either of you two had serious feelings for the other.

But focusing back on the task at hand you briefly let your fingertips brush over his pale exposed skin, making him shudder and close his eyes. You leaned down, pressing your lips against his skin, feeling his hands grip your hips tightly. You could feel his desire growing with every passing moment and couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement.

You trailed kisses down his chest, taking in the feel of his muscles under your hands as you reached for the hem of his hoodie.

With one swift movement, you pulled it over his head. He let out a gasp as your fingers traced the lines of his abs, a look of pure pleasure in his eyes. He had such a pretty torso and you loved when he let you touch it.

He was more than fit, muscular stomach and arms that you love and adored. Just looking at him like this, in this position and his expression. The reddened cheeks, his hungry eyes, the pale skin that featured freckles on his shoulders and the bridge of his nose to his cheeks, the muscles …

He was perfect.

“And you worry I could find someone better when I have the very best in my bed already.” You mumbled, your hands coming to cup his face. He smiled and closed his eyes, relinquishing the moment.

This was far from the first time you two were intimate, but to Johnny each time was special, simply because he never thought he’d be in such a position.

Sure, he had a promiscuous past, but all those people didn’t mean anything to him, and they quickly turned their back on him once was paralyzed. But you didn’t look at him differently from anyone else.

Your gaze towards him always held love and affection for him, no matter what.

Your hands moved from his face down to his torso, your head coming to level with them and have your lips ghost over his skin.

“You’re so pretty Johnny.” He won’t escape your praise and you would make sure to give him an extra portion today now that you have found out his insecurity made him act like he had the past weeks.

You can feel his muscles tense beneath your touch, but he relaxes into your embrace as you continue to kiss and explore his body. Despite his limitations, he is strong and capable, and you can sense the longing and desire in his eyes as you move lower and lower.

He may not have the use of his legs, but his upper body is just as responsive, and you feel him arching into your touch.

You can tell he's enjoying the moment just as much as you. Your fingers trace over the contours of his chest and abs, eliciting a soft moan from his lips.

“I love how you sound darling.”

“Stop it.” He murmured.

“No.” You softly bit into his skin, earning a gasp.

“I will keep praising you and you will like it, or I will stop.” Johnny groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Fine.” He muttered through gritted teeth.

“You’re horrible.”

“I know.” You like making him flustered and you knew very well that he was hiding his blush with his arm. Determined to make him come undone and show him your love you continued leaving kisses on his body, occasionally giving him a gentle bit, and licking along his abs.

“I love your body. You’re so fit and well trained.” You complimented him, enjoying the groan that escaped his throat.

Feeling bold you went to went to touch his nipples, pinching one, while licking the other. He responded by arching his back into you, moaning loudly, his free arm coming to grab your wrist.

“You respond so well to me. Let me do more for you.” You quickly got off him and caught him staring at you from under his arm, which he had lifted a little. He was panting, his face flushed.

“You’re gorgeous.” You stated and he groaned. “Stop it already.”

You paid him no mind as you quickly made worked on getting his sweatpants together with his boxers off. “You’re eager.” You heard his comment.

“I’m always eager to make you happy.” You could swear you heard him mumble something, but he was probably just trying to backtalk again. You paid no mind to that. He was always like that, not wanting to accept good things happening to him or compliments.

You gestured for Johnny to move a bit, so his lower legs dangled off the side of your bed with you in-between them. He quickly propped himself on his elbows to watch you. Watching was important to him since the sensation in his legs leaves much to be desired.

You tenderly kiss his soft pale skin on the inside of his thighs and when you looked up to him, he stared intensely at you with his blue eyes. Giving into your playful thoughts you left a hickey there, running your thumb over the dark spot once you were finished.

You noticed the slight pout that began to form on Johnny’s face.

“Getting impatient already?” You asked and wrapped your hand around his dick, much to his delight.

“Yeah. I just really want you.” With a smile you struck your tongue out and began to give him a few teasing licks, watching his brows furrow and him biting his lip.

The blush on his cheeks deepened and it became harder for him to keep his moans from escaping once you took his length into your mouth.

He had lost some sensation in his pelvic area after he became paralyzed but just the visual stimulation of seeing you work on him so dedicatedly made him crazy, so he didn’t mind the slightly numbed feeling when he could look at your head between his legs, with your beautiful eyes occasionally looking up to him. His right hand found its way into your hair, entangling itself in it, as he whispered soft words of praise.

“Ya too kind to me my darlin’.” He spoke with such admiration and warmth to you it had you shudder.

You weren’t on your knees for long, since Johnny soon pulled you up so he could kiss you again while his sneaky hands trailed from your rips down to the waistband of your shorts, playing with the hem just a little before tantalizingly slow pulling them down.

The slowness of his movements was such a contrast to the strong desire you saw in his gaze once he parted from the kiss.

You just rested your arms on his shoulders, smiling down on him was he removed first your shorts and your underwear.

Once that was done his fingertips ghosted over your, his eyes following his fingers as they trailed from your knees to your hips. Then with one swift move he moved his hands back down, hooking them just above your knee to pull you on top of him on the bed.

Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle at your startled expression. His left hand came up to your face to hold you chin. Eager to please you two he dipped two of his fingers into his mouth, not breaking eye contact as he did so.

You felt your face run hot, he was so incredibly hot and lewd once he was in his element, and it wasn’t hard to see why he had so many admires in his past. You were snapped out of your thoughts once you felt his middle finger ghost over your clit, giving you immediate goosebumps and your arms briefly wobbled.

You almost hated how he could have you tremble like that without doing much. He circled your bundle of nerves for a bit before his finger wandered further down and prodded at your entrance.

As he slowly pushed his finger in, he spoke; “Suddenly your compliments stopped.”

You bit back a moan as he moved his finger, curling it, gradually moving it in and out.

“Don’t tell me you suddenly want them without backtalking.” You retorted.

“J’st teasing.” He smiled and kept his eyes fixated on your face, enjoying every single reaction he was able to earn. He added his second finger now and you couldn’t help the moan that escape you.

“Anyone ever told you; you look mesmerizing when you’re confident?” You asked in between the heavy panting, and he immediately deadpanned.

“What? You just complained I stopped.” You smiled at him, only to have your expression falter the next moment when he curled his fingers deep in you again.

“That’s what you get then.” He laughed and you placed your head on his shoulders, panting and moaning against his neck, as his fingers continued their work.

“I should do it more then if this is my reward.” You replied.

Johnny rolled his eyes. He didn’t think that through now. Using your chance to attack his neck, leaving dark red sports behind once you had to let go of his skin.

“Stop marking me.” He growled.

“Shut it.” You just panted and gave him another one. He rolled his eyes, pushing you up and removing his fingers.

“Ready?” He asked, waiting for your go. Instead of replying you reached down between your legs and guided him inside of you.

Once inside you took a moment to adjust and enjoy the feeling of fullness. He lets out a soft moan, his hands coming up to tangle in your hair, pulling you closer to his face again just to reunite your lips in a heated kiss once more. His tongue graciously invaded your mouth, and he angled his head to get better access.

You began moving making him only moan and pant into your mouth, with you quickly doing the same. His hands from your hair moved down to your hips grabbing you, guiding your movement.

You used your arms for better support and positioned them above his shoulders, careful to not accidentally get his hair under your hands and hurt him.

Looking down on him, you studied his face. The way he had his eyes closed, fully focused on the feeling of you on top of him with his dick inside you. The blush on his freckled cheeks, his plush lips he bit into. And you only met this wonderful man who had captured you heart by storm thanks to dumb ideas at a bridge.

Noticing your halt, he opened his darkened, hungry eyes to inspect what had you stop.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, genuinely concerned that he might have hurt you or something which was barely possible but he still worried.

“You’re just so perfect Johnny. Really. I love you.” You saw him tear up a little, nothing new, he was quite emotional especially during sex, and the blush deepen.

“You tell me that now?” He averted his gaze, not being able to stand yours. You shook your head.

“You’re right. Where were we?” You asked and began moving again in a steady rhythm. Johnny gripped his hands harder at your hips again, his nails digging into your skin a little, leaving crescent moon shaped marks.

The noise of skin slapping against skin, both of your heavy breathing and moaning filled the room, with occasional mumbling of an assortment of swearwords. With the steady rhythm, Johnny’s hands all over you skin, the visual stimulation of having the blond being so lewd and gorgeous under you, you felt your climax approaching last.

And when Johnny then began mumbling praise with his heavy accent for you it was over.

“You look so beautiful like that Darlin’. Taking me s’well. You’re all mine.” Giving his words emphasis and knowing by the way your legs trembled and your walls clenching around him that you’d come soon, he pulled you down by your neck, burring his head against it and marking you roughly.

You didn’t mind him being possessive right now one bit. Not when it felt so good.

Your eyes roll back once you finally come, and Johnny enjoyed catching a glimpse of your expression while he was still working on some hickeys.

You clenching his dick through your orgasm only turned him further on, but he kindly let you ride it out on your pace, waiting his turn.

Once you come down from your high a little he whispers in your ear; “Can you keep going for me?”

You nodded lazily, letting him pull you on his chest, one arm wrapping around your back, hand placed at the nape of your neck, the other arm around your waist.

He easily had the strength to move you until you helped him a little. It didn’t take him long to finish after you.

You whispering in his ear dirty praise like “You fucked me so good Johnny.” Really did a number on him.

You laid next to him, lazily cuddling the blond who looked disgusted at the cum on his stomach.

“I feel like the dirties human on earth right now.” He complained and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Want me to distract Gyro so you can quickly get into the shower?” He nodded and went to look for his boxershorts on the floor. You got it for him as well as his crutches once you had quickly thrown your shorts and shirt back on.

“Alrighty, then, Imma go, yes?” You hummed and Johnny, now standing before you awkwardly with only his boxershorts and dried cum on his stomach, nodded.

He was absolutely paranoid of being caught by Gyro in embarrassing situations simply because he accidentally once walked in on you two having sex. He was over excited over his test results and wanted to celebrate, forgetting to knock, and walking into something he never wanted to see again.

Still cringing over the memory, a little you knocked on his door, waiting a moment before he told you to come in.

“Hey, wanted to ask if you got any ideas for dinner?” You asked casually and saw from the corner of your eye Johnny who as quickly as he could disappeared into the bath.

“Not really. Was too busy with getting through this book.” He said and tapped on the thick book underneath him.

“Wanna order something then?” Gyro grinned happily, flashing his grills. “Sounds perfect. No extra stress for anyone.”

“You Sure? You can never choose what you want!” You reminded him.

“No stress in terms of standing in the kitchen then, smartass.” You nodded and went to leave since your distraction mission was done but Gyro spoke up again.

“Judging by your neck you talked with him?”

“Yep.” You replied dryly.

“So, what happened?”

“Nothing to worry much about yeah? Just Johnny being Johnny. You can ask him later.” Gyro agreed to it, and you made your way back to your room to wait until Johnny was finished showering so you could have your turn.

During your wait you simply slumped down in your chair feeling so relaxed. You finally knew what Johnny’s problem was, which meant less worrying sick about that and more focus back on your own betterment, even though you had made good progress since moving and being with Johnny.

But bad days were bad days, they didn’t just go away, and recovery is a long road. Just when you wanted to grab your phone to have something against the boredom Johnny came back, his hair wet and clinging to his face and neck.

“Your turn.” He said and went straight for your bed, falling face forward into it, watching you gather some clothes from your wardrobe.

“Were gonna order something for dinner tonight.” You quickly told him before disappearing to take your shower.

--

Once done with your shower you encountered both Gyro and Johnny in your room.

“You need to pick what you want!” Gyro proclaimed and shoved his phone in your hand. Quickly skimming through the menu, you decided on your favorite, before handing it back to Gyro.

“Alright. I’m gonna finish the rest of my book and then we can play video games or something together later. I really need a break!” The Italian spoke as he stretched for a second and then went to leave.

“Can’t wait ‘til his tests are done. I actually kinda miss having him around.” Johnny said as soon as Gyro was out of earshot.

“Me too. Maybe we can go out together again, have fun.” You agreed and climbed on the bed next to Johnny. The blond happily pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on your head.

“I’m sorry for making you worry.” Johnny was being awfully docile as of now. Admitting he misses having Gyro around, actually apologizing…

“It’s alright. But next time just talk directly about it instead of bottling it all up yeah?” Johnny nodded weakly, pulling you fully down on the mattress with him, so he could have your head rest on his chest, petting your hair lovingly.

“You…” He started, hesitating for a second. “I did make you more depressed though right?”

“No, don’t worry. Im just happy you’re feeling a little better. Have you spoken to your therapist about all of that?”

“I skipped that one too.” You raised your head and stared at him with an annoyed expression. “Seriously?”

“It just was a lot… I wasn’t completely honest to you about why I was so down.” You narrowed your eyes.

“My dad reached out and wanted to talk. There simply was so much on my mind and I wanted to be alone in my room all day. Hide from everything. And once I skipped the first few appointments, I felt bad for lying to you. And then shit just spiraled.” Johnny adverted his eyes, not able to withstand your gaze. You carefully took his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah, that is a lot, you’re right. But you told me now. And we can work on it together again, like always.”

Together. The word echoed through Johnny’s mind.

“Remember when my toxic ex friend saw us in the city, and I was feeling like shit after that?” The blond nodded.

“You were there for me, even if I hadn’t told you why I was feeling like shit. You simply made me some lunch, brought it here and stayed the whole day by my side, watching old movies with me. And I will always do the same for you. We support each other. And currently its my turn to be there for ya, okay?”

He turned to look at you again, the sincerity in your expression and voice touched his heart and he wondered if you felt the similar when he did the same for you.

“You’re right.”

“I knew you’d see it my way.“  You smiled and gave him a loving kiss.

“About the thing with your dad, have you given it much thought yet?“ Johnny shook his head, tickling you a little with his hair in the process.

“Not really. I haven’t decided what I want to do. I just have the mail that he sent.“

“Talk about it in your next therapy session. Maybe it’ll help you decide what you want. But whatever it is in the end, I’ll be there to support you. I have your back.“

“And I have yours. Even if I didn’t do a good job recently. I’ll make it up to you.“ You chuckled and kissed him once more.

“Good. Because I have a stressful week of work ahead.“

“Then I will make sure to make it a little less stressful. If theres anything you need just let me know.“

“I just need you close. That’s all.“ And to emphasize that, you hugged him even closer.

[tadpal]

if you were a mermaid... what kind of tail would you have?? (species, colour, vibe, etc)

this is such a contentious question for girls who grew up on a beach so i do have several answers prepared bc obviously it was needed at the time ESPECIALLY since 2000s mermaid trend was ON TREND anyway

all that to say when i was a kid i would pretend to be a dolphin girl. yeah fr. i had several glass figures and when i was learning to surf i got a board with a dolphin on but this was all a ruse to impress the girls in my surf class. although i have seen dolphins often in the cove and off the rocky beach and i did and do think they're incredible honestly i preferred to watch for blue whales and thought dolphin mermaids weren't very cool. dolphins are cool companions for mermaids but i was kind of a mermaid purist: mermaids should be fish with obvious scales. but for the dolphin girls all the boys in their games would be sharks and i hated sharks as i was deadly afraid of tiger sharks which in fairness, did swim up the river to breed every year and attacks did happen but. yeah i thought the shark boys were also lame. so when trying to fit in with this lot i made the decision to be an orca mermaid who had lost its pod and was trying to live with the dolphins. the dolphin girls hated this until they realised that they could do a storyline in which i never move past my evil orca hunger and end up killing and eating several girls in a bloodlust that would then fade and i weep over their bodies. in real life this looked like a game of tag with biting and theatrics.

so that was probably my first mermaidsona and it was definitely a poser moment for however it was not the only poser sona i had. outside of my swim+surf classes i had friends who were also mermaid girls but who weren't sporty or into The Ocean like the dolphin girls tended to be. they thought the dolphin girls were weird and wanted to be Mermaids like you would see in Barbie mermaidtopia, but with them, the personas tended to be less in depth. my tail was aquamarine or blue, with white fins, and i can swim really fast and crest the waves without being easily seen. i was not usually a royal but sometimes i was a middle sister if we were all princesses. often i was was the boy or prince merman. my best friends were a school of flying fish and a sperm whale. i was really good at hiding (bc of the wave thing) and my romance plot was often the princess noticing the weird hiding prince when no one else would and i show them all the magic of the seas etc. if we were playing mermaids who were are landpeople, my land job would be guy who cleans/owns an oceanfront hotel/bnb and sneaks out to water at night when hes not working. while this was More Me than the dolphin girl persona, it didnt really feel like me either, i disliked the vagueness and how none of them cared about the ocean only using it as a setting with no curiosity for it. (alas ive always been a bit of a snob)

my TRUE MERMAID SELF was this: yellowfin tuna

idk why i just felt a lot of kinship with them. at the time i was so scared of sharks and seals and everything really. just a very fearful child and i remember really longing for that school (of fish) mentality of just moving as one and that keeping them safe. i also knew that i had to be a migratory species bc we moved so constantly and i needed a fish that never really had a home. the yellowfins would come yearly to the coast i lived on and that was important to me. mostly i felt like they had a desperation to the way they move I remember seeing one in the bottom of a boat and it just fighting for its life choking to death and thinking oh hell yeah me too brother. i loved their reputation for tourists coming to fish them and then snapping their shitty lines. I loved their sleek cool bodies and their sick long fins (cooler and longer than all the other tuna). i liked that they were fast as hell and Big. i liked how they tasted fresh! i was so convinced that i was Destined to be a tuna mermaid but god. that was so lame to both my groups of mermaid friends. i drew it once i think and petitioned my Barbie Mermaid friends to be a flying fish mermaid, which was the better design i think but had less soul... ack well. being a kid a weird

[bluberryffxiv]

topic of the hour seems to be ardbert and his relation to the wol and its been making me ruminate on his relationship with bonana so lets ramble about that....but first i have to talk about mental illness. lol

so, the instigating action of nemona leaving home and starting her msq journey was her mom finally putting her foot down and forcing her to go to sharlayan, something shed been fighting against for years at that point. she did not take it very well at all, and in the days following she became a mess of anger and despondence and was pretty inconsolable, the world may as well have been ending for her at that point. which lead to her doing a lot of drastic and irrational things, one of which came very close to killing her

while she was unconscious she had a strange dream, in which she met another version of herself who acted very different. he was kind and gentle, and introduced himself as bonana (the nickname his friends used). he offered to trade places, promising to ease the burdens of life and carry onwards for nemona, stating that whenever she felt ready she could trade back

when bonana was woken up by sasabe, it was as if he was a different person. no longer moping around, he acted with clarity and made a plan. he realized there was a ship bound for eorzea, leaving before the one he was supposed to be on. so he made his preparations, cutting and dyeing his hair and donning a new wardrobe, essentially discarding his old life and making way for the one hed always dreamed of

from then on he was just bonana, the guy who was eager to help anyone and everyone, with only a vague recollection of a promise made to...someone. whenever he got asked why he did what he did this is all he would answer with, if he answered at all. to any aware of him and sasabe they assumed she was the person he meant, and she herself believed it too because he had also made a promise to her in the past (in reality he had repressed that memory because it was made after a very traumatic incident).

it wouldnt be until heavensward when he picks up dark knight that nemonas presence starts to leak through in the form of fray, giving voice to the thoughts and feelings bonana thought he'd left behind. and it happens again later with myste, this time giving form to the pent up guilt and grief he couldnt process. but neither time really stuck because he wasnt ready to acknowledge what he'd done

which finally brings us to shadowbringers and how this all relates to ardbert! at this point bonana, as a personality, is breaking down because he was something made out of a childs idea of a hero, and he simply wasnt built to weather the kinds of things he'd faced as the warrior of light, with the events of shb bringing him to his very limits. however, ardbert ended up being a very welcome presence because during downtime they got to talk and understand each other better, and bonana came to realize how eerily similar the two of them were. he ended up being the first person he'd confide in about his dissociative nature and poor memory, and ardbert genuinely seemed to understand

so just like the exarch, losing him after the soul fusion felt like losing a piece of his heart, ironically (keep in mind bonana is horrible at dealing with loss). ardbert became another bullet on the list of things that lead to his breakdown at the very end of the patches.

but now we know ardbert didnt completely disappear, and i think during anemone arc he gains a complete understanding of the situation, and wants nothing more than to reach through to nemona and her how much she is loved, as herself. literally im just imagining him sitting somewhere deep in the back of her head as this guy throughout endwalker, until the oddity nature of ultima thule finally allows him to help revive bonana

[battle-of-alberta]

Cities opinions on soup.

(dips spoon into the ask box I feel like I've been ignoring for two months)

i didnt really know how to answer this ask so i went with the first reaction i had (a statement for another statement? lol). Pencil crayons were on sale last week and I replaced a few prismas that I've been wearing down for the past 19 years (aah) so I figured this would be a good time to get back into it.

I don't think any of the cities would say no to a warm bowl of soup, especially on a cold day like today. There are two staple "Alberta" soups that I make for guests, beef and barley stew and "Ukrainian" borscht, which I will provide a (loose) recipe for below.

This borscht isn't an ancient/authentic family recipe or anything, just something that my dad and sort of tried and tested that we like and that pays some dues to ye olde heritage (and that doesn't break the bank or require a lot of special stuff for poor students like I was when I was perfecting it. It can also be made vegetarian.)

Hapo's Not Authentic But Pretty Nice Borscht That Friends and Family Say is Good

Sorry for the vague directions and measurements. Measure with your heart and the size of your pot. In Western Canada, red beet soup is basically the core of what borscht is, although in Europe red borscht and green borscht are entirely different beasts which do not share beets as a commonality.

you will need:

big pot

big knife (sharp)

cutting board

vegetable peeler if you want

frying pan (for cooking meat version)

ingredients

beets (i usually use 3 fist-sized beets, you can use more small ones)

red meat (optional) (i usually use ground beef/pork but if you can get a kubasa you should use that. you can use mushrooms instead too.)

onion

garlic

carrot

turnip and/or apple

tomatoes

2 tbsp tomato paste

water or soup stock of your choice

salt, pepper, sugar to taste

lemon juice, sour cream, dill to serve

optional: celery, potato, cabbage

instructions

If you are using meat, cook with the onions in a frying pan until no longer pink and onions are translucent. Add some garlic in there if you want. Drain and set aside.

If you want to make the beets easier to peel, you can boil them in water before peeling. Keep the water as stock for all those good beety nutrients. I usually skip this step and just peel and chop the beets and make the kitchen look like a murder scene without pre-boiling.

Peel and chop the carrots, turnips, etc. and put them in your big pot on medium heat with your chopped beets, beef, and onions and garlic. If you are using celery or mushrooms or tomatoes, you can put them in at this stage. I also will occasionally add an apple to boost the sweet/sour flavour.

Add in a couple of tablespoons of tomato paste and stir to coat, letting it caramelize a bit. You can deglaze with a bit of red wine or red wine vinegar afterwards or just use some soup stock to get everything off the bottom of the pot. Add some more garlic, treat yoself.

Add in your soup stock and bring the pot to a boil. Simmer for at least half an hour (or all day if you feel like it).

In the last 15 minutes of cooking, you can chop and add a potato if you feel like it and have room in your pot (just because russet potatoes tend to get mushy if left in too long). This is also the stage to add shredded cabbage (which I hate doing so I usually skip). I also recommend if you have them to put in some frozen pierogies (tiny and filled with cottage cheese yum) and boil them right in the soup because it really elevates the experience hehe.

Season with salt and pepper and about a tablespoon of sugar or so. You can also add in something like oregano if you want.

Serve with a dollop of sour cream, a splash of lemon juice, and maybe some fresh dill if you have some.

[shadows-coffeebeans]

Woo, new ask game time, am excite!

1, 3, 5, 8, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 19, 20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 28, 30, 32, 33, 38, 39!

I am so sorry this took forever to answer! I had it all typed out and tumblr refreshed before I could add tags 😭

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

I would say definitely cartoons, my art and friends (mutuals are included >:3)

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Luca (2021) (I watched this movie over 100 times in the first year, lost count at 30 times and it wasnt even the end of the month it released (it released on the 18th)), Barbie in Rock n' Royals and Lilo & Stitch 💥💥💥

5. what made you start your blog?

I made my original blog to read miraculous fanfiction (never posted on it til like june of 2021, even then i didnt post on it much). I abandoned that blog and made this one cause the embarrassment of it was too much.

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Every December I get a dream where a badly animated Santa's sleigh passes by. There's always people treating it like a ufo, using for clickbait and stuff. I always thought it was like a projection in the sky or something and I always wake up confused.

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Idfk man

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

If someone isn't harming themselves or others, let them be. (if that counts for anything)

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

Be silly, to express myself‼️💥💥

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Stop thinking about what others think of me and also stop failing my classes

17. name 3 things that make you happy

Friends (this includes mutuals as well <3), talking about tffs (and sonic) and drawing :]

19. favourite thing about the day?

I am awake to talk with friends (just assume when I say friends, I'm including my moots)

20. favourite things about the night?

The moon and stars <3

22. say 3 things about someone you love

I love talking about sonic with/to them, when they talk about their interests, when they go on random tangents (<- went more vague because I love too many people to choose)

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

My art improvement: ]

25. fave season and why?

Autumn, I know it's basic, but I just really like it :]

26. fave colour and why?

I cannot escape the purple

28. do you collect anything?

Hm, do the tags of random things I buy count?

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

When someone leaves a comment in the reblogs on my art

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

248 if you mean on chrome, 3 if you mean apps open (yt music, discord (on call) and notes app (where im writing this))

33. any hobbies?

Drawing, watching cartoons and reading fanfiction

38. fave song at the moment?

The disco cover for I Am All Of Me

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

Defunctland, I love having him on in the background when I do stuff

[sylwanin-was-right]

How would you rewrite Avatar the Way of Water?

Ooh good question. My answer will evolve overtime, and i need to rewatch the movie a few times and read more reviews from critics and fans to really be comprehensive about my answer, but to start out briefly, I'll bullet point which parts Id rewrite in a different direction or take out entirely:

First act introducing family dynamics - it felt so incredibly rushed. I was really anticipating the return to the forest, expositions about new Omaticaya territory and their culture. I wanted to see how the kids would learn to be Omatikaya for act 1, but we just got short montages of vague locations and implications of "normalcy" before their major displacement again. It didnt feel like enough and it felt like a lot of the lore from Avatar media were overlooked for brief visual immersion. So I would have at least written Jake narrating a longer montage of how the boys and girls grew up learning customs and coming of age rituals/ceremonies. I would include at least a short snippet of how they slowly progressed in appearence from infancy to teenagehood/childhood (like in a fading montage of their bodies and faces aging) so we could better establish their faces, understand their personalities more, and see them be somewhat "normal" before the trauma. I would also make all their births and introductions seem equal in the short montage and narration. It just seemed overtly foreshadowing and neglectful that Neteyam's and Kiri's birth and infancy were emphasized while Lo'ak and Tuk'tirey's were implied with no onscreen time (even though theyre introduced to the audience as literally newborn characters). Hell even Spider had a scene where he was running around the RDA facility as a toddler in a diaper. I just feel like if we're going to have so many characters, all of whom are included throughout the story, they should all be introduced in a way that didnt give away their roles and arcs so overtly and were more likely to connect with through longer screentime.

Jake and Neytiri's kids' interactions with the Ronal and Tonorwari's kids - I dont think these scenes were over extended necessarily. After all, this movie was about the kids mostly. They were just excessive in the "bullies vs. underdogs" format that the writing itself felt childish and redundant. What bothered me most about it was the cruelty of Aonung and his friends and how that never really explained from their cultural or even personal perspectives, so the progression of their cruelty was so exponential it felt outlandish. I would personally take time to build up their tensions through various examples of Jake and Neytiri's kids struggling with or quicky learning varous Metkayina customs, like food prep, ettiquate at eating sites, and even smaller things like making or customizing their saddles for riding or water sports within the clan. This could be in a montage with one major sequence being related to riding their ilu (which would be instrumental to the rest of the film). More time to interact with each other and express their personalities would reveal their cultural attitudes, expand Metkayina lore, and flesh out the characters more realistically.

The emphasis on nuclear family dynamics - I think the patriarchal dynamics Jake and Neytiri's family had and even of Ronal and Tonowari's family were really offputting and uninspired. While it somewhat made sense to portray Jake as overbearing and authoritative, and even bring out his human, military past in a time of war against humans, his role as a father was not explored in ways that were challenged by Indigenous-inspired wisdom about equity and equality in a collective family dynamic. Neytiri was very passive, the way Jake treated the kids was really toxic at times (especially the way he talked to Lo'ak and Neteyam). Tonowari was portrayed as an authoritative leader who's words carried the most weight (though Ronal seemed to be less passive than Neytiri). I would have written the story so that their family transition from tribal to nuclear, and isolated became a deep issue, especially for Neytiri, and that Jake's patriarchal biases and toxic masculinity were clearly issues for Neytiri and the boys. I would also write their family dynamics so the boys wouldnt just be shown doing "masculine" coded things, like being a warrior and recklessly fighting and the girls "feminine" things, like being nurturing. Lo'ak could be shown doing/fixing his hair, Tuk shown practicing archery/hunting, etc. Idk... it just felt that the patriarchal nuclear family dyanmic was never explored to be problematic or even foreign to make the "family is fortress" challenge audiences' pre-existing biases (since it clesrly wasnt true in the film lol). It clashed a lot with the lore and didnt feel inspired by many Indigenous philosophies.

The parallels to the A1 - personally there were too many for me and at times it felt really corny (I dont want Jake to have a catchphrase for defeating his enemies, thanks) lol. A few here and there is fine, especially at the beginning to reintroduce the tone of the film due to the 13 year time gap (like the introduction being a similar camera shot over the forest and Quaritch's quips toward the RECOM fleet), and because making some parallels is just clever writing and also kinda fun. But at times it was just so Not Subtle and felt morelike rehashes than parallels lol.

Introduction to sacred sites - Theyre supposed to be sacred so why are they so accessible to anybody, including children and outsiders, with no sort of onscreen initiation process or supervision lol. Whats the point of having a tsahìk if theres free admission to your most sacred and sensitive sites like a hands on exhibit? LMAO I didnt like how the Tree of Voices was used as a mystical backdrop for Jake and Neytiri's lovemaking and then its destruction hardly mentioned nor reacted to at all by the Omaticaya when the RDA came and literally almost uprooted the entire thing. So when Tsireya, Aonung, and Rutxo took the Omatikaya kids to their Tree of Souls for the exposition of the location, it just felt so cheap? Like you all are children, none of you are spiritual leaders. Why is no one else there? Why is their not initiation process to doing something as sacred as making tsaheylu with it for the firsy time? I think I just would have taken more time to explain what their Tree of Souls was while also having a proper (and brief) initiation process, and also have Ronal and Tonowari have the whole family introduced to the tree to connect to rather than just the kids. I think this could stll smoothly write into Kiri's seizure scene, but this time there would be a collective reaction to her response, and the affects she had on the Tree losing light (something that had significant implications but no further investigation in the film). I think this collective reaction would also make Jake's decision to call for Norm and Max's aid more obviously a problem with both the tracking, and the disrespect of customs of the Metkayina (Ronal had a whole line where she felt her role as Tsahìk was disegarded and that was major).

Amrita and unobtainium's value - It makes sense that there be multiple markets to fund the RDA's missions, so the whaling operation wouldnt have to be cut out. But the anti-aging syrum from the Tulkun being more valuable than the mineral that supposedly powers most of Earth is nonsensical to me and not believable. I guess the nonsense aspect of it is to highlight the irrationality of greed and the West's destructive obsession with youth. But... it just doesnt make sense as a writing choice to justify Scoresby's character and the whaling fleet as antagonists to the Tulkun specifically, and a financial supplement to the RDA. It feels incompatable with the premise that Earth is "overpopulated" (which in and of itself is problematic) because having a population that desperately wants to extend their lives (or seem impossibly young looking) on a planet where youth seems abundant and the kandscape is dystopian is questionable lol. The tulkun hunting fleet could have simply been justified as its own venture capitalist thing among the RDA's forces, and an obvious parallel to the harms of industrial whaling and fishing irl.

Kiri and Neytiri's scene -I wrote about it already but that whole scene with Kiri and Neytiri should have been so much longer and in depth lol

Neytiri and Ronal's first interactions- They should have def been less immediately hostile to each other. The hissing match can be completely cut since it was clearly a misogynistic pun about women being "catty" and having a catfight (the men dismissing them as irrational punctuates this 🙄). Or at least Ronal and Neytiri can have their hissing moment but it should be from an actual buildup of tensions between them living among each other, especialy since Neytiri and Ronal had their Reasons to be uncomfortale with giving and recieving uturu that were already introduced (Neytiri was uncomfortable and traumatized being isolated from her home as a refugee sacrificing herself to protect her people and her children, and Ronal had spiritual suspicions about the integrity of avatars, held xenophobic biases about different Na'vi, didnt like the liability of taking in refugees, and saw Jake as pathetic). I also wrote about this before, but it just felt overtly cruel and unncessary for Ronal and Neytiri to have a brief connection from seeing a Tulkun mother lose her life and her baby. The mother Tulkun didnt have to be Ronal's spirit sister (and honestly calf didnt have to die, too), and Ronal and Neytiri could have resolved their tensions together by bonding over motherhood in other ways, like having a short scene where they work together using their shared tsahìk and healing knowledge to prove theyre more alike than different and should be cooperative, or hell, bonding over takin care for the Tulkun mother's orphaned calf. I just really didnt like how Cameron portayed Ronal and Neytiri and their introducton was super bad. A lot could have been explored from their shared identities as mothers, tsahìk, "wives", and people who had something to learn from others (and ofc having a shared enemy).

Underwater scenes with the kids - I'm sorry but these could have been so much shorter lol. This is def my own bias as I dont care to see things in 3D, and while the scenes were dazzling (and I personally didnt have a problem with the slower pacing of act 2 because I like longer slice of life shots), it felt these scenes overlapped with act 1 where a lot of content and development could have been revealed about Jake and Neytiri's family, the Omatikaya, the Metkayina, and even the RDA (like Bridgehead's size and development). Ofc I wouldnt cut these scenes entiely because they are beautiful and important; they show the initiation process of learning a vital skill among the Metkayina as well as their character development learning different philosophies about water, etc. And after all, Avatar as a franchise is known for being a visual, escapist spectacle. But they felt quite overextended for act 2, so I'd simply make the underwater exposition scenes a bit shorter lol.

Theres def more and I'll update this post as I think of more and rewatch the film!