#also made a transparent version cause i felt like this fit so well as a sticker lmfao

[sarenhale]

Happy summer too btw. May your summers be lgbt and chaotic and may your smoke cigarettes and drink beers in public parks (maybe not at 2pm)

[hibiscus-misery-pills]

“Time for yourself.”

[Gender] — Female! Reader

[Warning] — Anxiety (Mild), depression (Slight), nothing much the rest is fluff.

[Synopsis] — Reader takes time for their self since the staff refuse to let reader bed rot, and they bring along their feline friend who knows how to cheer reader up.

[Word Count] —

[Author Note] — This idea is based off the outfits I see on Pinterest, also the outfits pics aren’t mines, unfortunately I don’t know the actual person who put the fit together so shout out to them. But I’m doing my face routine and I also like makeup so, I’m throwing these ideas in one plot, also if you want a male version just let me know in the comments, enjoy the story! (Also this is Imposter AU)

[P.S] — This is the outfit that inspired me to write this fic.

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It was another day in Twisted Wonderland, and you had decided to stay in bed, just lounging with Grim snuggled by your side. The ceiling fan spun lazily overhead. However, some of the staff members, particularly Crewel and Trein, disapproved of your plan to do nothing all day. Their disapproval was clear when you heard their familiar footsteps approaching your room.

The door swung open gently with a knock, and Crewel and Trein entered. You weren’t sure how they managed to convince you to get up, but before you knew it, you were on your feet. Trein informed you, "We’ll swing by and pick you up around 5," before they left. Despite being thrust into this unfamiliar world, it wasn’t entirely unkind. Remarkably, your bookbag had arrived with you and functioned as a portal for transporting things from your world. Ramshackle had been revamped by Crowley, and while it felt more homely, it still wasn’t quite comforting. The beige wallpaper with its floral design was calming, though, and the white vanity, along with wardrobes and closets from Crewel, added a touch of familiarity.

Your belongings had made the transition as well, including your electronics. They now had infinite battery life but couldn’t connect to social media or make calls. Sitting at your vanity, you decided to do your makeup, playing your favorite music through your tablet. The window’s semi-circle area was large enough to accommodate both your vanity and desk. From your vanity, you faced the front of Ramshackle, which was visible through the semi-transparent curtains. As you dusted off baking powder with a brush, you noticed someone approaching Ramshackle through the curtains. You leaned in to get a better look and saw Vil. He appeared to be in a daze, looking up at the building.

Panicking, you hid behind the vanity mirror, grateful for its size that concealed you. Vil seemed to be assessing Ramshackle before leaving a letter and gifts in the mailbox. Your heart raced as you watched him leave slowly, taking his time. As soon as he was gone, you released a sigh of relief, tears welling up in your eyes. After finishing your makeup, you dressed in your prepped outfit and matching shoes, then added a scarf for Grim to match your look. With the scarf tied around Grim’s collar, you finished your preparations and spritzed on some perfume. Just as you were about to head out, Crewel pulled up in his sports car.

As you walked out, you noticed Leona standing nearby. You hurried into the car, jumping into the passenger seat, while Leona looked on in surprise through the rearview mirror. The rest of the day passed quickly as you spent time with Crewel and Trein. They treated you warmly and spoiled you and Grim, acknowledging the trouble their students had caused. You decided to explore a small part of town with Grim, sticking close and not straying too far.

With the allowance provided by Crowley and additional funds from Crewel, you were able to buy a few special items. Among your purchases was a limited-edition jewelry set featuring a beautiful silver chain adorned with deep blue sapphires. You also bought a matching silver satin collar with a sapphire for Grim. When you returned to Ramshackle, Crewel commented on how you seemed to enjoy your time to yourself. You couldn’t help but smile, reflecting on how peaceful and content the shopping experience had made you feel.As you lay back on your bed with your new items and purse, you felt a sense of happiness and contentment. Maybe the staffs was right—you needed to take more time for yourself.

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[Author Note] — Goddamn it, I write too much, why am Im writing like i’m writing for my teachers.😭

[raguna-blade]

OK, so the blood moon thing being a system reset of all the monsters and gunk lying round is the one on discussion, and the most immediate one that comes to mind that has DEFINITELY been exploited to varying degree's is saving the game.

I've seen a few different versions of it, from the pretty banal but not quite fantasy version of save points are literally the tools the ancient conspiracy uses to spy on you (from Xenogears if I recall properly) and the probably most easily pointed to one especially for tumblr is Saving in Undertale. There are, for sure, definitely other games that have manipulated saving and save scumming to story effect, but the big goal is mechanical transparency right?

So there's some that I think you could probably make an argument for but are never explicitly brought up in text as a thing so I think almost certainly wouldn't count. Immediately and off hand, how pokemon can only learn 4 moves. That's always been weird, but considering how the original games were pretty mind boggling on the programming side, that was probably a case just to straight up limit memory or stuff (and hey, the games say it themselves! They forgot a move!). This is arguable though, because aside from the explanation (which does jive) the thought I'm having is that it deals more with well...You're in a sports league, and having literally every move available might be like...Sports Illegal? Peep those pokedex entries and some of the lack of moves might also make sense in a "oh shit this might actually cause someone to die" which hey. But that hypothetical or the explicit only four moves thing is never brought up as like...A thing in story, so may not quite fit.

But that's not quite the same thing (or at least it's not at this point). One that I COULD see, but might be difficult to deal with, is issues of slowdown. There was a flying sim game (Skygunners) that had some notable slowdown when things got particularly rowdy on screen, but at least experience wise for me that didn't actually affect the gameplay negatively. Rather it tended to make things look cooler and at least for me, FELT like i had more time to figure out what to do there. Had the game made some mention of "When things get rowdy the world might slow down around you so you have more time to make a move" that probably would have fit, and you could make a very obvious explanation for why the player characters have this as "All Ace Pilots Do Obviously"

other examples offhand...Megaman's palete change is a thing that explicitly happens in universe to all indications, but we're never told why in the older games so arguable and...hm. this really does have room to go for antics but actual examples feels weirdly hard.

The thing I like about the Blood Moon mechanic in Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom is how it affords game-mechanical transparency to the player.

Like, we all know the reason it exists is because, like any complex open-world game, BotW and TotK periodically need to hit the reset button on all non-trivial changes to the world state; in games that don't, your save file has unbounded growth due to the need to keep track of every little thing you've ever done, and eventually the system runs out of memory, save/load performance goes to shit, or both. It's basic software engineering constraints dictating the shape of play.

The thing is, most open world games try to do this subtly, perhaps by setting individual timers for the consequences of different actions to expire, or by linking world-state cleanup to proximity to the player character, but in practice it never works – trying to be sneaky about it paradoxically makes it more obtrusive to the player by rendering it opaque and unpredictable, often prompting the development of superstitious gameplay rituals to work around it.

BotW and TotK take precisely the opposite tack and make it 100% transparent and 100% predictable. Once a week, at exactly the same time of day, there's a spooky cutscene and an evil wizard undoes every change you've made to the world that doesn't have an associated quest log entry. Why everything at once, and always on the same schedule? A wizard did it. Why exactly and only those changes that don't have quest logs attached? See again: a wizard did it.

And this isn't just a gameplay conceit. Everybody knows about the evil wizard! The fact that the evil wizard keeps resetting everybody's efforts to fix the befuckening of the world is a central plot point. There are organisations whose chartered purpose is to go around redoing stuff that's been undone by the wizard.

It makes me wonder what other potential synergies between fantasy worldbuilding and mechanical transparency are going unexploited.

[votederpycausemufins]

more content for the SF series! (since the first one was Summoning Family and now it's Surprisingly Familiar). i can't believe it's chapter 5. and i'm not sure if i mean can't believe it's only ch. 5, or already ch. 5. you know, both is good!

Edit: iforgottotagpeople iforgottotagpeople iforgottotagpeople!!! @petrichormeraki and @helleborusangel forgive meeeee

“Let me take care of one thing before we explore the rest of the server.” Sense spoke up, Grian only half paying attention. “You can explore as you see fit, but I wouldn’t wander too far.”

As the redstoner walked away, Grian went the other direction for a few steps before stopping. “Are you going to keep following me around or what?” There was no immediate answer, but then someone appeared near Grian.

“Well, you look different than before.” Came an echoey voice from the figure who was greyed out and transparent. “What happened?”

“I’m from the past, but not the past here, so I’m not going to be able to fix whatever is wrong with you.” Grian replied, crossing his arms. It had already been explained that Grifter went looking for a new dimension to find alternate versions of his family since apparently the real versions weren’t the best. Grian didn’t fully believe it at this point, but Sense said Grifter would bring back some proof, which was a little worrying.

“There’s nothing you need to fix for me.” The ghost, because that’s all it could be, responded. “There is no business I have unfinished that you could finish for me. And that’s fine with me. It means I can help and explore with little worry, though I do like this castle.”

“Right.” Grian responded, unsure how to feel about the ghost. He already dealt with a few at school, some better than others, so he wasn’t exactly sure how this one would act. “Well, I would like if you stopped following me around.”

“Alright Grifter.” The ghost replied, and then left, going down a hallway before disappearing. Even with them gone, Grian still felt on edge, so he didn’t go far, just going back to where he had been left. When Sense did finally come back, Grifter was with him again, which finally helped Grian feel a bit safer again.

“Alright, so, I’ve talked with a few people to make sure they don’t cause problems as well as pick up some papers with information you might want to know. And you don’t need to worry about it getting damaged because it’s magically protected.”

“Your magic, or other Listeners?” Grian asked, which surprised Grifter. He looked over to Sense who didn’t look as concerned and quickly explained.

“I gave Grian a quick tour of the castle and explained some things along the way. About the magic from being a Listener. How Grian may still have magic but is also still considered in-training so his magic is much weaker. How you came here trying to dimension hop for Taurtis again and how that went. Things like that.”

Grifter smiled and gave Sense a kiss, which he used to quietly whisper a message to him. He then pulled back and made sure Grian definitely heard him the second time he spoke to keep up appearances. “Thank you. And he took it well? I mean… I- he does look a little…”

Grian crossed his arms. “I’m fine. I’ve got the basics which is already pretty helpful. If I can learn how to use magic, I might be able to use that when I go back and save Taurtis since obviously new dimensions are off the table again.”

Grifter raised an eyebrow and Sense elaborated. “So far he’s only hopped once and got rid of their second universe versions.”

“It would be complicated if there were two of us. I mean, it’s already complicated enough with you and me and we look pretty different, what with you being older and all.”

“Yeah, same sentiment when I got here.” Grifter agreed. “Essentially this place is all flipped around. I mean, dad here is Death instead of mom, the Sam here was good, The me- you- us here was like some sort of god and got imprisoned. Stuff like that. People see me and think I’m the one that got imprisoned, so they used his name for me, and I mean, it’s pretty close to Grian.”

“You really don’t mind?” Grian asked, making Grifter shrug.

“Well, either way the nickname is Gri, so I don’t mind too terribly much. And it’s better than… you know.”

Grian shuddered a little before Grifter started leading them all away, putting the small stack of papers he had into a bag and giving the bag to Grian. The teen took the bag and opened it up to look inside, finding the newly added papers as well as a bunch of pink things. Pulling one out, Grian was surprised to find it was a sword, and another a shovel. He put those back in and then pulled out some yellow carrots, which seemed to glitter as he held them in the light. “What is all of this?”

Grifter turned around to face Grian, walking backwards a few steps to see what was being talked about. “Oh, that’s a bunch of starter gear. I mean, normally it would be iron, but I doubt you wanted that, and I’m sort of in charge around here - long story - so I upgraded you to aetherite which is as good as you can get here. You’ve got a sword, pick, axe, shovel, and a full set of armor. I’ve also given you golden carrots and plenty of steak so you won’t be hurting for food. Also there’s a crossbow and plenty of stuff to load it with, like arrows, darts and fireworks.”

Grian nodded slowly, looking through the bag again. “Okay, can I like… get trained how to use these? I mean I sort of know how to use this stuff from, you know. But I mean, can I get a gun or something?”

“Oh of course!” Sense was the one to reply, putting down a shulker box. “What type are you after? Standard or more upgraded?”

“Handgun with plenty of ammo before reloading sounds best.” Grian said, looking into the box. Sense helped him find one that fit what he liked as well as ammo that matched, and then it went in the bag.

“I still think you should train with the other weapons to be safe, but gun still is better than umbrella.” Grifter commented, getting a look from Grian before he confirmed that, yes, someone’s main weapon of choice around there was an umbrella.

“Alright, now that you’re geared up, let’s get on with a proper tour!”

.

.

.

A good sized team entered into Helscraft, consisting of Mumbo, Grum (Jrum wanted to stay behind and watch Kokatori, but Mumbo thought it might also be some fear of getting stranded again), Doc, Tommy, Phil, Xisuma, and Paul. Wilbur and Techno also tagged along when they heard the news, refusing to let their brother disappear again. More of the hermits wanted to go, but with the two triplets refusing to take no for an answer and Xisuma not wanting to take too many people to hels at once, they didn’t really have room.

Xisuma attempted to get all of them to the main spawn island for the world, but that didn’t quite work out with everyone except him arriving there. That was soon followed by Grum taking charge and leading them through the world and to the foot of a black and yellow building, which he knocked on the door of.

A few minutes later, the doors finally opened to someone in dark red armor and a helmet with a much more standard design. “What do you want? I’m in the middle of something.” The person said, looking just at Grum at first. “Oh, it’s you. If NPG isn’t at home, he’s probably-”

“No. We need Xisuma back.” Grum spoke up, and this time the person looked up at the rest of the group and sighed.

“Honestly, I finally got him back here again and you’ve got to take him away immediately? Here I thought it was finally something to improve this… horrid week. What do you need him for anyway? Isn’t he just a chauffeur or whatever?”

Tommy was the first to respond, pushing to the front of the group. “Look bitch, we don’t want to deal with any more shit right now. Just hand over him and Grian so we can leave.”

Though the red tinted visor, Tommy could just barely see the hels admin raise an eyebrow. “Grian? My brother is the only one here from wels not in your group.”

“Wrong answer fucker! We know that Gr-” Tommy was cut off as something lowered from the ceiling. Everyone stared as a pink worm on a string descended from somewhere inside the door. It had yellow paper cutouts of a mask, cape and M decorating it, and it kept getting lower until it was eye level with Evil Xisuma, then lightly bonked against his helmet a few times.

The way the hels admin slumped slightly and his eyes stared back just showing how done he was with everything. “Would you excuse me for just one second?” He said, and then the worm started to go back up before EX grabbed it, trapping it in a fist, then yanking down, someone falling from the ceiling a moment later. “Get out of my house Phedaz.”

The helsmit with dark blue hair, matching pale blue skin that faded to black on his arms and pitch black eyes picked up the discarded worm on a string before scuttling off through the door on all fours, racing past the team after Grian. “What the fuck was that?!”

“Phedaz.” EX said in a bored and defeated tone. “He’s been doing that all week. I just wanted to torture my brother a little to blow off some steam, is that too much to ask?”

“When we’re looking for Grian, it really is.” Mumbo spoke up, making the Helsmit sigh.

“Well, Grian’s not here, only NPG. Not even Grifter is here, and he hasn’t been here for a day or two now. That being said, Sense did leave a few hours ago, likely to meet up with that bastard.”

“Okay, so where are they?” Paul spoke up, getting EX’s attention.

The hels admin stared at Paul before pulling out a potion of some sorts and chugging it. “I’m not sane enough for this right now. Go talk with Theseus will you? Come back here when you need to leave or whatever and I’ll let you have him.”

.

.

.

“Alright! And that’s about it for the tour!” Grifter said cheerily as he, Grian, Sense, and now the two hels bots arrived at the castle again. “Now as a reminder, you should do your best to stay away from any areas we did not tour just to be on the safe side. The one exception would be where Euro and Krys are staying, but it’s far enough away I wouldn’t bother, plus Silski always likes to visit and staying away from him in general is a good idea.”

Grifter was going to say more, but then Sense stopped walking. “Oh for fucks sake, he’s back.”

Grian looked over to where Sense was looking and saw someone vaguely familiar leaning against the castle wall. They wore a trench coat and a beanie that struggled to hold down their very puffy brown and grey hair and they also held a guitar, quietly strumming a few cords. “Hey, you’re back. Missed you at the show.”

Before Grian could ask any questions, Grifter stomped over to the person, followed by Sense who was getting out a weapon. “Off the property Wile.”

“Pay me.”

“I’m not paying you. Leave.”

The person, Wile, stared Grifter down for a few seconds before shrugging. “Nah, gotta pay me first. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.” And he started to play the first few notes of a song. He didn’t get far though, because Sense walked up to him. He didn’t even use his weapon to attack, simply yanking the guitar from his hands and smashing it against the castle wall in one fluid motion.

Wile looked down at the broken pieces of his instrument for a moment before pulling out a second guitar and continuing the song. Sense yelled in frustration while Grifter pulled a few feathers out of his wings. Grian reacted more than his copy, wincing at what was likely painful, but the hels didn’t mind. He instead used the pulled feathers as knives, stabbing them into Wile until he dropped to the ground, dead.

“Oh my god! Is he dead?!” Grian yelled after the person didn’t move for a while.

“Yes and no.” Grifter replied, kicking the body to the side. “He respawns, it’s just his corpse stays with his shit in it. Seesee, would you be a dear?” Sense didn’t get a chance to react as Sefter walked up first and heaved the body over his head, then chucked it as far as he could away from the castle. “Hmm, well that works too I guess.”

Grian stared in the direction of Wile’s corpse before turning back to Grifter. “Who… Who was that?”

“Wile.” Grifter replied. “Essentially the Wilbur here. The only plus to him over Wil is that he mostly just sticks to L’Manberg.”

“Oh? Where’s that?” Grian asked. It wasn’t a place they really covered in the tour, but a few other countries had been mentioned.”

“Yeah, no. I don’t want you heading over there.” Grifter replied. “Sense, back me up here.”

Grian was a little surprised by Grifter calling the redstone by his name and not a nickname. “I know you said you’re… well you’re most likely over eighteen.”

“I am, but what does that have to do with it?” Grian asked, rolling his eyes slightly.

“L’Manberg’s a stripclub.”

That left Grian silent for a few seconds before he simply said, “Oh.”

“Well, now that things are awkward, I suppose you could meet some of the better parts of the family. They weren’t around for so long, they won’t be able to tell that past me isn’t past Grifter.”

“Who exactly is everyone here?” Grian asked, following Grifter as he started to walk off away from the castle again, Sense and the bots heading inside.

“Alright, I already covered Dad being Death.” Grifter started to explain. “Technically there’s another death which is his brother, but we don’t really cover him. Mom is named Krystina, or just Krys.” Grifter then gestured to where Wile’s body was thrown. “We already covered Wilbur and Wile. Instead of Techno, we have Euro, who mostly lives with Krys. Theseus is Tommy, and he’s moved elsewhere.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more?” Grian asked with slight hesitance.

Grifter shrugged. “Because there is. That’s just the bit you’re familiar with. Even though Wile’s a stripper, he is married to Sadie. Sadie has a kid named Fleur who’s a little older than you are right now. Krys also half adopted Silski, so technically that’s another sibling but I won’t count them. If you do want to, then they’re married and have a kid, but that’s not really important.”

“So… Sadie, Fleur, Silski, and two other people?” Grian asked, making sure he was following along. “Can I know their names just to be safe?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Silski’s married to this guy named Toob and they adopted a kid named Jane. Well, technically it’s ꄘ꒓ꂑꋫꁍꀭꆂ꒒ꁕ, but pronouncing that is a mess so they named her Jane instead.”

“Right… Do you have anywhere I can write this down?”

.

.

.

After what happened with Tommy before, the entire group was ready to attack if need be. Paul was the one to knock on the throne room door, willing to be the first line of defense. There was no answer at first, but footsteps from behind the door had everyone put their guard up. They all waited with bated breath before finally the large doors opened, and then Grian poked his head out.

Mumbo, Tommy and Grum all quickly recognized that it wasn’t actually the missing hermit, but the others were too worried that they reacted too fast. “Oi Grian, what the fuck was all that mate?”

After a moment, NPG pulled themself out of the hug Phil had trapped them in. “I am sorry for the confusion. I am NPG, not Grian. You came here not too long ago.” The robot then looked over to Wilbur, Doc and Paul. “Though you did not visit and I have not met you in person before.”

Tommy quickly spoke up and introduced people. “That’s Wil, Doc, and this guy’s named Paul. Grian kinda got kidnapped, so we’re back here looking for him instead.”

“Oh no! Did you check your old server again just to be safe?”

“Grifter’s the bitch that kidnapped him.” Tommy said, crossing his arms. “If he’s there, I’ll eat my compass.”

NPG nodded, then went back into the throne room and the group could hear him talking to someone that had Tommy’s voice. They stood there listening until NPG finally shouted approval for the group to enter.

“Well this is a surprise. I didn’t expect to see any of you again that soon.” Theseus spoke from his throne. He still was wearing his mask that looked like Dream’s, which made Tommy shudder a little as well as had Grum hiding behind Mumbo. “So, you’re after my brother. Hah, good luck with that.”

“You better fucking tell us something bitch!”

Theseus didn’t immediately reply to Tommy’s shout, instead handing off a paper to NPG, who happily took it and ran off. “Look, I haven’t seen him since he dragged me back to Dad. Technically he’s been here, but just stayed away. He’s admin of my old world now, so he’s probably stuck there. Sense also left recently, so I would guess he’s there too.”

“So, You’re saying we need to go through another version of the smp to find Grian?” Techno was the one to ask. “Ours was already pretty rough, how bad is this one?”

“Your creeper friend there is supposed to be Prof, right?” Theseus asked, his visible eyebrow raising in question.

“Yeah… he is.” Grum answered, peeking out from behind Mumbo for a moment. “Why?”

“Has he ever built a prison?”

“Well, he built Area 77 if that counts.” Mumbo answered, but Theseus just rolled his eyes. “I’m guessing that doesn’t count.”

“Oh definitely not. If what NPG says is right, it let people waltz right in.”

“Those were guided tours, man.” Doc replied. “And that’s just recent. I’ve done plenty of defenses back when we had the mycelium war.”

“Ooh, ah, defenses.” Theseus deadpanned. “Get real. Those aren’t what I’m asking about.”

“He’s asking about The Perd.” Paul spoke up. “Which yeah, he mostly built that himself.”

Theseus smiled and nodded, while everyone else looked confused, except for Doc himself and also Phil, who just looked stunned. “Wait, he’s the guy who made The Perdit-”

“Hey man, you can’t just go throwing that name around.” Doc spoke up, cutting Phil off. “The less people know, the better.”

Phil gestured to Paul. “And so he knows about it, why?”

“I was one of the testers.” Paul responded. “Really think I can’t get out of that vault of yours now?”

“We’re getting off topic.” Wilbur was the one to speak up. “Since this creeper guy has made that prison thing, is that good or not?”

“Very good.” Theseus replied. “Prof had to trap Grifter when he wasn’t an admin, so imagine what he’s doing as admin. Having your version of Dad is going to be good, but one of him is also better. And I guess also this guy here is good to have too.” Theseus added, glancing at Paul.

“What can you tell us about your old world.” Mumbo asked. “I’m sure even those from our version will be a bit lost since I can hardly wrap my head around this one.”

“Oh I could tell you plenty. I could say every little detail I went through in my years there. I’m sure plenty of it would be repetitive though, and I don’t really know what’s the same and what’s different.” Theseus explained. “But I can tell you what I do know.”

“And what’s that?” Phil asked, hoping that looking like the Phil here would help things.

“Well, when I was in that other place, your respawns were a fucking mess. Technically three respawns but it always depended on some shitty admin’s code.” Theseus stood up to make a point. “Instead You always respawn as long as you’ve got a place to respawn to. But if someone finds your anchor and breaks it, well, I wouldn’t die if I were you. Technically, there was more to it so Nightmare could try to get around his own rules, but it obviously didn’t work.”

“Is that it?” Tommy asked. “Lives are just done differently?”

Theseus rolled his eyes before sharply turning his head towards Tommy. “Well excuse me. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not the fucking admin over there anymore, bitch. Neither is Nightmare. I only knew about you having fucked up lives because of that thing there!” And he gestured towards Grum. “I don’t know your lives. I don’t know your world. So I don’t know what to fucking tell you that’s going to fucking help. At this point, you’re likely to know more than me!”

Everything was silent other than Theseus’ heavy breathing from yelling until there was a creak from the door as NPG came back in. “Is everyone okay? Thee? Do you want me to get Rusty?”

Theseus was still quiet, though he straightened his posture and his mask, then spoke. “No. I think I’ll be fine. Can you take these guys to Xannes? I’m done dealing with them.”

“Okay! I can do that!” NPG replied, and then he was leading the group out, being helped by threats Theseus was giving the group under the robot’s nose.”

When they returned to the admin’s base, he was disappointed to see them back so soon, but did allow Xisuma out of his ‘torture chamber’ - if it could really be called that - and let him take the team of people to the NSMP.

Xisuma took them into the other world and was suddenly glad his helmet was a filter. Tommy pulled his bandanna over his nose after gagging at the smell of the place while everyone but two of them reacted similarly. Since they had been there before, Phil and Mumbo knew what to expect. Techno also knew, but his sense of smell was enhanced from being a hybrid, so it didn’t help. And then while Tommy had been in the group before, at that point he had been replaced by Theseus and never actually went into the NSMP.

Not wanting to stick around in one place, the group started travelling, hoping for some sort of landmark that was more than just rubble and possibly someone nice enough to help them out.

But back on Helscraft, Xannes was upset the moment the group was gone, and a moment after that, he sent himself to the palace to meet with Theseus. Lightning crackled around him in his rage, pushing aside anyone who even stepped in his line of sight.

“Theseus!” He shouted as the doors to the throne room were broken. “What the fuck did I just send them into?!”

Theseus looked up at the admin. “The NSMP. Why? Did you somehow not?”

“Something intercepted them. I mean, I tried hacking them through the whitelist, so it should have-”

“That place doesn’t have a white list last I checked.” Theseus said. “Nightmare never gave it one. He made access public. There was just a little… test of sorts to get through first.”

Xannes didn’t like the sound of that. “What kind of test?”

“One that I’m sure they’ll get through. The question is how long it will take them. If they’re lucky? Hmm, maybe a few days.”

Xannes didn’t bother listening to more as he followed along the group he just sent ahead of him. He ended up in the same place the group did, in the spawn of the DSMP. And if it weren’t for the fact that Xannes could feel his hacking powers get limited, he would have thought it was the regular world. “Fine. I guess we’re doing this all the hard way.”

[goddessofthundathighs]

X. REVELATION

Word Count: 2.9K

*taps mic* Is this thing on? Aight, I know I said that I’d update CS every 3-5 business months, but life happened for both me & @hearteyes-for-killmonger. Let me just tell y’all how many times I wanted to completely scrap this book, simply because for a second, I fell out of love with it. I also thought that you guys were no longer interested. For our loyal readers, thank you for sticking with us! This chapter is fairly short, but MAJOR progression is made!

It’s also late, so this is un-beta’d. Any errors will be corrected in the morning.

************

Skylar’s face turned up in a wide grin as O’Shea came downstairs with her latest flower arrangement. If Oya wasn’t good at anything else, she was a professional at wooing her. The bright yellow of the freshly picked sunflowers was a beautiful contrast to the deep red hue of the roses. She’d forgotten that she’d mentioned that they were her favorites.

“With love, from Bae,” O’Shea read teasingly, only making the smile on Skylar’s face stretch wider. “And again I ask, why aren’t the two of you officially a thing? The mutual attraction is obvious and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this wide. Like you’re really flashing all 32 right now,” she asked, placing the vase on the corner of Sky’s desk.

“Because it’s not that easy, Shea. I have walls that need to be broken down and we both have issues that we need to work through. This is why SPT is so important. I have to understand exactly who I’m dealing with before we take things to the next level.”

O’Shea nodded. She hadn’t really thought about their situation like that. She’d just assumed that Sky was still working through ridding herself of Monica and was afraid of being heartbroken again.

“I’ve been meaning to ask about that. So is she Erik’s client now?”

“Yes. He’ll be her official therapist and draw up our plan of action as far as treatment.”

“Why does she feel like she needs treatment? She doesn’t seem to struggle sexually.”

“Looks can be deceiving, Shea. Behavior is also an indication that there may be underlying issues. Most of the clients that Erik and I treat are fully functioning. Look at you, for example.” Shea pulls a face. It was entirely too early in the workday for Skylar to be coming for her edges. She hadn’t even finished her acai breakfast bowl. “Aye, we not talking about me,” she fussed, placing her hands on her hips.

“But you fit the example. Personally, I think her excessive need to be sexual is a cover for something deeper, I just have to get her to tell me what it is.”

Sky couldn’t deny the soft spot she had for Oya. Even if things didn’t work out on the personal side of their relationship, she still cared for her and wanted to ensure she received the best treatment. Regardless of past situations, everybody deserved to be loved and accepted for who they truly are.

**

A pregnant silence engulfed Erik’s office as Oya and Skylar waited for him to speak. For the last 45 minutes he had been busy typing away at his computer, only pausing briefly to think before starting again. Once finished, he leans back in the Italian leather chair, stroking his beard as he gives the therapy plan a final onceover.

“Alright, before we begin, we first need to get to the root of the problem. Oya, why do you feel you need SPT and what do you hope to gain from it, other than my business partner as a mate?”

Ouch.

Oya recoiled slightly at his brashness. She hadn’t expected to be put on front street so quickly, nor was she prepared to discuss her history so soon. She suddenly felt bare, like she had been stripped of all of her clothing in front of a crowded high school auditorium and her anxiety was spiking. Skylar took notice of how withdrawn she’d become and placed a comforting hand on her thigh.

“It’s okay, Oya. You don’t have to explain in detail just yet, we just need a general idea of what we’re dealing with so that we approach it in the best way,” Skylar explained, the gentleness of her voice causing Oya to return her soft smile.

While she knew that there wasn’t a logical reason to be afraid of Erik or his opinion, her brain had been conditioned to be critical of men ever since that fateful night in her uncle’s basement. Still, having Skylar there was comforting. Her presence made it easier to generate a Spark Notes version of her past.

“I was abused and shunned as a child and as a result, became overtly sexual. While I know that sex can’t fill the void that was left from that experience, it’s the only way to silence the voices in my head. I started looking into SPT because I saw that abuse survivors can benefit from it.”

Erik’s face softened from its usual hard line. While he’d assumed this girl had been through the ringer, his mind couldn’t begin to fathom just how deep her trauma ran.

“Here’s what we’ll do,” he started. “Since it’s obvious that you’re a lot more comfortable speaking to Sky about this, how about the two of you do dinner. If not tonight, then later this week. During dinner, Oya, I need you to be as transparent as possible. I need you to go into full detail of what happened and then Skylar will report back to me. The two of us will formulate a comprehensive 8-week therapy plan, which will be implemented starting next week. Are you okay with doing this?”

Oya nodded, finally allowing herself to completely relax.

“We’re gonna get you right, Ms. Ramirez. Over the next 8 weeks you’ll watch yourself become a new woman, I guarantee it,” Erik smiles, offering her his hand to shake.

She accepts the invitation, returning his smile in the most infectious way before turning to Skylar.

“I know SPT doesn’t always require sex, but we can still implement some BDSM therapy, right?”

Sky laughs in response. Leave it to Oya to bring sexual humor into an otherwise serious situation.

“Baby steps, Ms. Ramirez.”

**

Oya's salmon arrived on the table and she licked her chops, having been out all day without eating. Why Sky had inquired about her level of hunger, Oya stated that her radiant smile was enough to fill her, however, the angry cry of her stomach told a different tale.

The pair opted for a Friday evening dinner, an excuse for Skylar to have a drink or two and not worry about having to work the following day. She sips her Hendricks and tonic slowly, savoring the crisp taste of the cucumbers she requested be added to the concoction.

Oya slammed face first into her plate effectively scaring the shit out of Sky who was currently rethinking a few things in regard to diet based on Oya's uncouth and grizzly attack on her fish. 

"Well. She eats fish like I eat pussy," Sky sighed, brushing it off. Still, she found herself keeping her eyes down to her own plate.

"I wasn't that hungry," Oya belched, wiping her mouth with her stained paper napkin. "I'll take another one still."

After her second fish, Sky was appalled at the way Oya had violated those salmon. She decided that she would also train Oya to eat like a human being and they would practice on a sushi date, since they require smaller bites.

“Alright fish murderer,” Sky finally chirps. “You’ve avoided the inevitable long enough, it’s time to talk.” Oya lifts her head slowly, much like a dog who has just been scolded for peeing on fresh carpet.

“Do we really have to talk about this? Like is it honestly necessary?”

“Yes, Oya. With all due respect, we can’t treat you if we don’t know what we’re treating. You gotta give us something.”

“I gave you something earlier,” she snaps defensively.

“Yes, but that’s not enough. There are several forms of abuse, Oya. Just saying you were abused doesn’t really tell us anything. We can’t use verbal abuse treatment methods to treat a victim of physical abuse. You understand that, right?” Sky asks incredulously.

Oya pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance. She was beginning to regret even bringing up the whole thing. While she thought she was ready to expose this part of her life, fear and her anxiety were getting the best of her. She was beginning to close up again.

Just tell her, her psyche coaxes. 

“I was raped by my mother’s brother when I was ten. It happened nearly everyday for 6 months. It took everything in me to say something to my mother about it, but when I finally did, she accused me of lying.”

A lone tear slid down Oya’s cheek at the memory.

“From that point on, I haven’t been able to trust or fully commit to a man. Which is why I couldn’t talk to Dr. Stevens earlier. I know he means well, but --”

“It’s a work in progress, I understand,” Skylar interjects.

“To this day, she refuses to acknowledge what that man did to me, even though he’s currently serving a 20-year prison sentence for pedophilia. From that point on, sex was my escape. I know it sounds oxymoronic, but it helped fill the void and silence the pain. Even if the gratification was short lived.

Skylar takes her hand, offering a napkin to wipe the fresh tears that slid down her face.

“I think we should start slow. I’ll get with Erik, but I feel like our first few sessions should be meditation and sensate focus. I want you to be comfortable with touching and being touched in a nonsexual manner before we move onto more advanced methods. Are you ok with that?”

“I think so,” Oya admits. “I’ve been using sex to run from my demons for majority of my life. I don’t want to hide anymore.”

“And when this is all over, you won’t have to,” Skylar smiles.

“I still wanna be your sex slave at some point, though,” Oya jokes.

“Check please!” Sky laughs.

**

After several back and forth debates as to where the session should be held, the doctors finally decided that Oya’s house would be best.

“It’s somewhere that she feels comfortable, and therefore, it should be easier for her to open up,” Erik said once the final decision was made. Sky nods her agreement, texting Oya to alert her of the plan.

Sky: Instead of coming to my office, we’ll be doing the session at your house. Is that ok?

Oya: Ooh, I get the good doctor all to myself. Say less. Here’s my address

Skylar chuckles at her eagerness, adding the address to her Maps app for later access.

“She seems excited,” she tells Erik, pocketing her phone.

“For now,” he says, sliding a manila folder towards her. “She’s flighty, so her nervousness can come back at any moment. Make sure you keep her relaxed the entire time.”

“Why you talking to me like she’s my first patient?”

“Just making sure your head is in the right place. You’re typically behind the scenes. Patients like Oya can be tricky.”

“I got this, dad,” Sky groans, swinging her bag over her shoulder as she stands to leave.

“You better stop. You ain’t called a nigga Daddy in a minute, Nola.” 

“Goodbye, Stevens! I’ll let you know how things go.”

“Text me. I promised the baby brat we’d go to the carnival later. She’s been dying for a funnel cake and a new stuffie.”

“Aww, how sweet,” Sky beams, armed with new ammunition to tease Shea with once they were back in the office. After reading through the therapy plan for herself, she rests the folder and her bag in the passenger seat and heads home. She would need the rest of the night to prepare for the next day’s session.

**

The California sun beamed brightly as Skylar made her way to Oya’s apartment. It was a beautiful three bedroom, three bath unit in Playa Vista, not far from the beach. Skylar was immediately drawn to the brightness of the space, the white walls with soft marble and gold accents adding to the feminine charm.

“I was thinking we could do this in my meditation room,” Oya said once Sky was done with her exploration.

“Ooh meditation room,” Skylar squealed, following her into what would become her favorite room in the entire unit. Behind the curtain of strung selenite crystals lay a spiritual oasis. Two black Buddah statues sat on both sides of the entrance while pink, orange, and yellow pillows decorated the floor. They looked to be from Bali or some other spiritual region. On the east and western walls were sun and moon appliques, subtle nods to the orishas Yemoja and Oshun, while chakra posters and decorations line the southern wall. On an inverted bookshelf near the front facing wall lay her crystals, sage, and a small altar Sky could tell had been used recently.

“Okay, I already loved the rest of the house, but this room is a whole vibe,” Skylar compliments, pulling out her notebook and video camera. “It’s standard practice that these sessions are recorded, but if you’re uncomfortable being on film, I have a tape recorder.”

“No, the camera is fine,” Oya assured, taking a seat on the pink pillow. She sat Indian style with her palms resting on her knees. Skylar placed her camera between two rose quartz cathedrals, taking a few test shots to ensure the angle was perfect. Once done, she mimicked Oya’s stance on the yellow pillow across from her.

“It is the third day of March and the time is 3:33 pm,” Skylar says, beginning the recording.

“I see you, Universe,” Oya muses to herself, allowing herself to be consumed by the feeling of divine protection.

“We’re going to start with simple breathing exercises to get you relaxed and comfortable, okay?” Oya nods in response. “First I need you to sit up straight, but keep your shoulders and neck relaxed.”

Oya complies, rolling her neck to the sides to release some apparent tension.

“Now, close your eyes and visualize your happy place. It could be the beach or your bed, just wherever makes you feel the happiest,” Sky instructs, doing the same. “Now, breathe in deep through your nose, hold it for about five seconds, then release through your mouth.”

The two repeat these steps about five times before Oya is finally allowed to open her eyes. Skylar makes note of the sated look in her eyes.

“How do you feel?” she asks softly.

“Surprisingly, I feel really good. I do breathing exercises often, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this relaxed before.” “Good, that’s what we want. Now, we’ll move into sensate touching. I’ll need you to remove your jewelry and as much clothing as you’re comfortable with.”

Oya’s face turns up into a sly smirk.

“Are you getting fresh with me, Dr. Greene,” she teases, slowly removing the white Nike crop top.

Sky chuckles before answering.

“Quite the opposite, Ms. Ramirez. In sensate touching, participants are typically nude and free from jewelry. The method we’ll be practicing this afternoon is non-genital sensate touching, which means that I will touch every single part of your body except your breasts and your vagina. While sensate touching may cause arousal, it is important that you remain professional and focus only on your own sensations while being touched, understood?” 

“Aye, aye, captain,” Oya responds, saluting for emphasis. This makes Skylar giggle.

“I can already tell you’re not going to make this easy for me, Ms. Ramirez.” “I promise to be a good girl, Dr. Greene. You have my word.”

“Alright. This first session will be strictly me touching you with my hands. If this goes well, then we can introduce other elements, such as feathers, scarves, and even oils. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or sleepy, let me know and we can continue another time.”

“I’m not allowed to fall asleep?” Oya questions.

“No. It’s important that you remain awake and conscious through the entire experience,” Sky responds, positioning herself behind Oya. Slowly and deliberately, Skylar rubs her hands up Oya’s arms, starting with just her palms. She moves up to her shoulders and neck, alternating between firm and subtle pressure to the pressure points there.

“Mmm,” Oya moans softly. “You should consider massage therapy,” she coos, allowing her head to fall slightly.

“You think so?” Sky asks with a grin. “Yes ma’am. Your touch is very relaxing, Dr. Greene,” Oya shudders as Skylar’s fingertips dance up and down her back.

“Well I’m glad you think so, Ms. Ramirez.”

The session continues for exactly 33 minutes before Oya’s eyes start to droop. “Okay, I think we need to stop, otherwise, I’m gonna be asleep in your arms,” Oya says, her voice audibly more soft and relaxed than when they first began.

Skylar shuts the camera off and makes a few more notes in her notebook before putting her things away. Without thinking, she sits down beside Oya, pulling her so that she was cradled against her supple bosom.

“I don’t think I’d object to that much,” she beams.

Oya bites her lip softly before staring up into Sky’s big green eyes. She could see herself getting lost in them for days.

“You think you’re capable of fixing me? I’m damaged goods, Dr. Greene.” Her voice came out just above a whisper, her tone laced with vulnerability. Skylar smoothed her hair, tucking a stray curl behind her ear before delivering her heartfelt response. 

“A smushed Reese’s cup is still a Reese’s cup, Ms. Ramirez. And I happen to really like Reese’s cups.”

Oya’s smile spread across her whole face, a soft twinkle dancing in her eyes.

“I’ll be your Reese’s cup.”

**

@vikkidc @thadelightfulone @sydneebleu @blktinkerbell @madamslayyy @chaneajoyyy @jozigrrl @thehomierobbstark @ @iamrheaspeaks @mareethequeen @forbeautyandlife @whatmoredoyouwantamericaa @blowmymbackout @wakanda-inspired @yaachtynoboat711 @nickidub718 @heyauntieeee @princessstevens @bakarilennox @xaviera108 @alexundefined @raysunshine78 @dameshaemonique @laketaj24 @youreadthatright @theogbadbitch @bugngiz @amirra88 @post-woke @im5ftbutmythroat66 @blackpinup22 @maya-leche @blessyd-bthyname @unholyxcumbucket @eclecticblkgirl @kissmyafropuff @rick-sosa @jennajai @allhailqueennel @killmongersbaby @eye-raq @thickemadame @soulfulbeauty19 -

[linklethehistorian]

Randou and the Sins of Season 3's Fifteen Adaption (Interlude)

Episode  27 — The God of Fire: A Post-Section Addendum

Forgive me for backtracking for a brief moment, but in hindsight, there were two small things — particularly relating to the subsection of this section, which is titled “The Confrontation with Sheep at the Arcade” — that it seems I failed to properly address in my initial posts on this subject.

After realizing this mistake during the long struggle to get back on track with rolling out the rest of my article, it became apparent to me that I had three choices: I could go back and try to edit this information into the main article, hoping that it would fit well into what already existed without clashing with the carefully written transitions between sections, I could wait until the very end of my article and then make a post addressing the matter in hindsight, risking my audience becoming and remaining conflicted over certain bits of information until then, and being totally unaware of the one thing I accidentally skipped over, or I could simply make a separate addendum such as this to address it here and now, as soon as possible, and not have to worry about fitting it directly into the previous section for the time being — without having to give up either the chance to talk about it now or even to potentially go back at the end and try to fit it back into the main article at my leisure, as well.

Naturally, as I’m more than sure you can already see for yourself, given that you’re reading this, I decided to go with the last of these options, as I felt that this was the one that would offer the greatest amount of opportunities, with the least amount of potential problems that could come out of it. As for whether or not I will eventually, upon the completion of this very long analysis and review, attempt to backtrack and merge this added data into its rightful place in the main piece, that is something which I will have to decide when the time comes, even if I have a very optimistic outlook on this prospect right now, but in the meantime, I will just be sharing it with you here, and placing the link to this post somewhere in the Masterlist between the discussions on Episode 27 and Episode 28.

On one final note before we jump into this, if this post seems a bit sloppier than usual or just flows less smoothly than the rest of the article in any way, I truly apologize, but if that is indeed the case, it is likely due to the fact that I have had much less time to plan for my discussion of these things than I have had for everything else I’ve talked about up until this point. I promise that if in hindsight I should sense any need for it, I will attempt to re-write it in a better, more comprehensible format at a later date, but at the moment, I’m afraid that this is the absolute best that I can do if I am to get this information out in a timely manner.

Now, with that said, let’s go ahead and get into the actual things I’d like to talk about.

Dazai’s Previous Invitation to Join Sheep, and the Gang’s Initial Misunderstanding About His Affiliation

Okay, so this one is honestly a little embarrassing for me to admit to forgetting in hindsight, purely because of how often the subject is referenced in the novel despite being completely removed from the television series’ adaption, but in earnest, part of the reason I didn’t even think about it at the time was due to just how inconsequential this information was in the grand scheme of things; nevertheless, for those of you who truly want to know everything that was changed or omitted from Fifteen in the anime — or even just want to know more about the events and details of Dazai’s life — these facts probably still will be of some interest, so I will mention them anyway.

Contrary to how the show presents it, in the original version of the tale, Sheep actually do not immediately look upon Dazai as a threat when they first meet him in the arcade, nor does it even cross their minds that he might be a member of the Port Mafia; rather, their first thought upon seeing and conversing with him was simply that he had to be someone whom Chuuya had been looking to recruit into their own ranks.

Interestingly, it was also very briefly mentioned much earlier in the novel by Dazai himself — back during his and Chuuya’s initial meeting in Suribachi City — that the bandaged brunet actually was once handed a formal invitation by Sheep to join their organization but ultimately refused their offer, although this does not appear to be the reason why the gang now mistakes him as a potential new member of their group, given that, at the very least, the members there in the arcade seem not to recognize him whatsoever; in fact, they even question Chuuya’s behavior in seemingly having chosen to induct him without first receiving the council’s pre-approval — an accusation which Chuuya curiously, actively chooses not to correct, likely purely because he does not want to look like a traitor in their eyes, should they realize Dazai was actually with the Mafia. Indeed, it isn’t until Dazai purposefully outs himself as a mafioso in order to stop them from taking the redhead away with them that Sheep realizes the truth of things — at which point Dazai ends up having their captive members released in order to appease them, as we see in the anime, and things then go on to unfold as I have described previously in my article.

However, while of this might be very intriguing and, at the least, a bit insightful into how Dazai knows as much about the organization as he does, to be totally earnest about the matter, I must reiterate all the same that the removal of this information from the show was on the whole a very wise one that I can wholeheartedly support, for its existence truly doesn’t affect the overall storyline in any majorly impactful way, whatsoever — so much so that even I, a very dedicated Fifteen enthusiast, was able to easily forget about its existence during every one of the multiple times I wrote, read, and re-wrote the section dealing with the episode in which it mostly would have been present.

Looking back on it from that angle, I suppose, then, that my failure to bring it up prior to this probably did not change all that much, but still, in the interest of transparency and thoroughness, I wanted to make a small addendum post about it, anyway — and besides, there was already another matter regarding the arcade scene that I needed to speak on to begin with, so why pass up the opportunity to do this at the same time? There was genuinely no reason why I should have resisted.

Sheep Truly Being the First to Leave the Arcade in the Novel & DarkestJay8686’s English Translations

Now, in regards to that other matter I needed to address, for anyone who might have already read and/or started reading only DarkestJay8686′s English translation of the Fifteen light novel upon discovering my article, I am sure that there is probably a lot of confusion resulting from the conflict between my assurance that Sheep were the first to leave the Arcade before Dazai and Chuuya, and DarkestJay’s translation, which depicts the exact opposite of this, and for that I deeply apologize — not because I am wrong about it (as I am not), but rather, because I failed to discuss this apparent contradiction back when I first brought it up, even though, rightfully, I should have.

Be that as it may, I need you to understand that I did actually have a specific reason for why I had previously chosen refrain from talking about it, as although I did sincerely think about and even strongly consider adding mention of this whole ordeal to my disclaimers and notes at the beginning of this article back when I had first prepared to post it, in the end, I was simply too concerned that it would be considered somehow rude or unfair for me to do so.

My train of thought back then was — mistakenly — that to express anything other than complete praise and pure, unconditional endorsement of DarkestJay’s work would be to instantly and irrevocably make myself come off as a disrespectful, ungrateful monster who has no appreciation for the people who dedicate their free time to making these stories available to non-Japanese speaking members of the fandom, no matter how kindly I may have tried to word what I had to say. I was utterly terrified that, even if I spoke highly of the translation as a whole and encouraged people to read it, if I also had explicitly addressed the reason why I personally did not recommend using it as the sole source of knowledge of the book at the same time and mentioned any of the mistakes I found to be made within their interpretation of events, then I would be seen as criticizing the author for things that truthfully were likely to largely not be in any way their fault. Obviously, in hindsight, this line of thinking was not the best to listen to in light of the misunderstandings it could cause, and I realize that, but these were nevertheless my thought processes at the time; having had time to think deeper on the circumstances now, though, I of course have also come to the conclusion that none of these other concerns of mine need be had, so long as I try to approach the matter as delicately and respectfully as I can, however big these fears may have been at the time, and so, I intend to finally speak about it at long last.

Furthermore, while I in no way want to seem like an opportunistic profiting off of someone else’s misfortune — as I assure you that I, too, was quite saddened to hear of their struggles and wish it hadn’t happened — seeing as that their work was nonetheless sadly removed from WattPad, and they had to relocate to another platform where they wouldn’t have to fear censorship again, thus requiring me to have to provide y’all with a new link that actually works and leads you to where you need to go to read it, I think that is really the perfect time for me to preface my sharing of that new link with this little PSA of a sort.

So, if you’re keen on getting that new link I mentioned and want to learn about the reason why my information about Sheep’s departure from the arcade doesn’t line up with their translations, as well as why it’s inadvisable to use their otherwise mostly excellent translations as your sole source of info on Fifteen rather than reading it alongside the other trusted translation I have provided at the beginning of my article, feel free to hop on over to this post to find out.

[View the masterlist]

[wiltedeyesandtwistedlies]

What are the inattentive symptoms of ADHD?

Before I answer, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences ADHD the same way. I came up with this list through hours of extensive research, but I still explained each one based on how I experience them personally, because I wanted it to be an honest and accurate resource.

Now, I experience every inattentive symptom of ADHD severely. As well as most hyperactive type symptoms, but not nearly as severely. Hence why my explanations are on the severe side. So if you don’t experience every one of these, or you don’t experience them exactly like this, that doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD.

Most Commonly Known Symptoms:

Inattentive ADHD is pretty much the same thing as hyperactive ADHD but with less hyperactive tendencies. So technically these symptoms apply to both, but ADHD has a few more that won’t be listed here.

• Inability to focus on disinteresting or unengaging tasks even if you need or even want to – As if your brain physically won’t let you. Because that’s exactly what’s happening. There is no, “Just do it because you have to.”

For real. Imagine a video came where you’ve reached the end of the map and there’s that invisible barrier to keep you from going any farther. But all the other players are passing it just fine. They look at you like you’re crazy and can’t believe that you can’t get through. But it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE.

Now apply that to easy individual movements or tasks like plugging in your charger right next to you or washing a few bowls.

• Focusing WAY too much on this single thing whether you like it or not. It’s called “hyperfixating” and it’s both the most exhilarating experience in the world and the most soul crushing. You can watch/do nothing else, consume nothing else, think of nothing else. It’s exciting and invigorating. But as soon as there is no more material/info about it to devour, existence is gray and meaningless. The adrenaline rush and laser focus are like nothing else, but the crash is just as intense.

• Inability to divert attention to something different when you're already focused on something else. (More of a product of the two above, really)

• Inability to organize or maintain a neat system. It’s not that we don’t have a system (because we do, and if it’s altered in the most miniscule way we will know and we will be furious) but that our systems tend to be more about ease of access. It looks messy, but everything is just easily reachable instead of tucked away in drawers or hidden in organizer bins.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” As soon as we can’t see it, or we get used to it and it becomes a background visual (like background noise but for your eyes), it no longer exists. Until we see it again we have never seen it before either.

• Emotions are forceful and kinda scary. Lacking the ability to regulate emotions means violently strong feelings. They can sweep you away and leave you stranded in an uncomfortable predicament. Major highs and lows as well as strong grudges and emotionally based actions.

• Distractability: There’s this stereotype that all people with ADHD are hyper airheads who cut off mid sentence to shout random shit like “SQUIRREL!” whenever they see something remotely interesting. They’re super excited about it and HAVE to let everyone know, no matter what they were doing before. It’s kind of the “cutesie” version that the media portrays a lot. Most ADHDers don’t actually fit this stereotype.

However, stereotypes are often based on true characteristics, even if they have been twisted into a sick joke or a cruel portrayal.

NOTE: There is nothing wrong with this form of ADHD. It just sucks that if you don’t match this stereotype, no one really believes you have ADHD. Also that so many people use it to insult and bully people with ADHD, even if that isn’t how they display their symptoms.

Lesser Known Symptoms:

Basically if these are #relateable, you probably have ADHD.

• Unable to conceptualize time in any way. Will this take two minutes? Three hours? No one knows! You thought this would take a half hour at most and it’s taken three! How?? This was a five-minute task and you’ve just realized you zoned out. It felt like two seconds but it was two hours!

• There is only Now and Not Now. Again, it’s a time thing. The future always seems so far away that it's almost like it doesn't exist. "Time is a construct" is something I often say because I have no sense of time passing, having past, or will pass. People describe me as "living in the present.” But that’s only because I forget that there is a future or that time is moving. I just don't think about it at all and when I try to it's impossible to understand and it feels made up.

• Sensitive to any form of rejection, actual or perceived. A friend texts you back, but they don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as usual. You immediately tear your message apart to try to find what upset them and how you can make it up to them. Because surely that’s what that nontypical period means? You want to curl up in a hole and never come out, never face the horrible thing you’ve done to a treasured friend. Intense fear and sorrow mingle into all consuming guilt. The kind that makes you wish you’d never met them, just so they wouldn’t have to be hurt by you now. All because they added a period.

Everyone with some form of an anxiety disorder will recognize this. But it’s also a very common ADHD experience. This is in part because anxiety is SUPER likely to be comorbid with ADHD. But we also have Rejection Sensative Dysphoria. Which basically means we’re ridiculously sensitive to the slightest possibility of the barest chance that we maybe might receive a sliver of perceived ambiguous rejection. To the point where we cut off good relationships for seemingly no reason because we’re too afraid to even speak to them again, much less explain our emotions that we know are irrational but can’t help. The guilt and regret are too agonizing, the fear to face them too much.

• Reading is AWFUL. We’ve already established that attention is not your friend. Unfortunately, that makes it difficult to read blocks of boring text. The information could be good, it could be fun even. But if the format is too uniform and plain, it’s impossible to get past the first few sentences. You just keep rereading the same line over and over, realizing every time that you zoned out halfway across. It’s infuriating and very sad. It also makes studying an absolute nightmare.

Many people actually don’t have this experience. They hyperfocus on their reading or their schoolwork so it isn’t a problem. I was the same way until college and now I can’t even read a little recipe card without zoning out. But it’s a very common experience nevertheless so I listed it anyway.

• Ringing ears, hearing electricity. This is one I just heard about. I haven’t been able to actually research this one, but it’s interesting and every ADHDer I know has confirmed it so I’m adding it. ‘Cause I’ve had constant ringing since I was old enough to talk. And I’ve always been able to hear power lines, household appliances, wires inside the walls, all those varying vibrating hums and crackling pops. It’s one of the weird quirks that “run in the family.” Just like Tinnitus and all ADHD symptoms. Apparently, MANY people with ADHD have similar experiences.

• Negative stimming. Things that negatively stimulate your senses. After encountering a certain stim, you feel it physically. It causes a sensation that hurts, in a way. It shouldn’t, logically. But your body’s reaction is to pain. This includes foods you can’t eat because the texture is wrong. Clothing you can’t wear because you can easily breath but no you really can’t because the collar sits wrong against your throat. Sounds that make your spine stiffen or skin crawl. Bright lights or colors that don’t affect anyone else but make your head ache.

Stims and sensitivity can affect any and all senses. A certain smell, agitating fabrics, an unbelievably smooth stone, specific tastes and food textures, certain color combinations, particular sounds/pitches/volumes, et cetera.

• Positive stimming. The other side of the sensory coin. Things that are exceptionally pleasant to your senses/stimulate you positively. For example, the way light shines through a transparent bright blue gem. Watching the light catch and twist so fluidly when you move it takes your breath away. There’s a euphoric feeling to it, and you can’t look away. It’s too pleasing. It’s like a deep satisfaction you can physically feel throughout your whole body, emanating from deep within your chest. You never want to stop that feeling.

Personally, it feels like my chest is somehow much deeper than it actually is. And at the farthest, deepest part is where that satisfaction settles. Nothing else can ever reach that hidden, impossibly deep cavity. It’s so amazing, I never want it to stop. It can feel like that endless pit is starved, and the stim is the first sustenance it’s ever had so it never what’s to let it go.

• Forgetting supposedly unforgettable things. Like where the fuck I parked my car. Also what my car looks like. It’s blue right? It has a hatch. I accidently memorized the license plate (complicated story) but I can’t tell you what model it is?? Is it even in this parking lot? I’ve never parked anywhere else but my memory is obviously garbage so now I need to check every parking lot just in case.

End Note:

It’s important to know that ADHD has many symptoms that overlap with other nuerodivergencies such as autism or ASD. Executive dysfunction can be caused by a number of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Emotional regulation problems can look just like Bipolar disorder and vice versus.

My point is, every symptom could actually be something else. It’s really easy to be misdiagnosed because they all have such similar symptoms. I know someone who thought they had ADHD for years, but it was actually a mix of severe depression and anxiety that fucked with their working memory (as both depression and anxiety do). Someone else I know was diagnosed with manic depression and thought they might be bipolar, but it was undiagnosed ADD the whole time.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x10 - High Society

Finally I’ve reach a double digit episode, and what an episode, I feel this is where I really start questioning characters decisions, but I also love drama so, withouth more preamble, here’s the recap. Again it got insanely long.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love “comin home baby”, so right there this show is making me so happy.

I’ve actually paused the episode to see the date of the debutante ball a.k.a Cotillion 

I love Blair’s red tigh outfit, also where did that guy Prince Theodore came from?

Chuck’s proud face when Nate mentions how happier Blair seems lately, and also, dude really you don’t miss your girlfriend haha

Honestly I feel this scene with all these parallel conversations about Cotillion is great, right up my alley.

All the subtle drama in that rehearsal, the secret glances, Chuck and Nate keeping their eyes on Blair all the time, this is the kind of content I’m here for. 

I would  like to know why everyone is in their preppy uniforms and then there’s Kati and Is who look like they’re part of Flashdance

Lilly rolling her eyes the moment she sees CeCe, and then really enjoying Cece’s mortification when she realizes Dan is a Humphrey. I love Lilly.

And from Cece’s horrified face we go to hottest PG-13 make out ever. For real though I love this scene, they both look so good and so into it, and they’re so deliciously flirty and their chemistry is out of the charts. Great choice in music too.

I don’t know who is more frustrating by Nate interrupting Chuck or myself.

Chuck’s little smile when Blair says to Nate they should  move on, only to be whipped out in the next minute

Two things about the heart pin: that was an incredibly smart move on Nate’s part, and if you had any doubt Blair Waldorf is such a hopeless romantic.

Cece such a manipulator, it’s unbelievable. Imagine if Serena was more like her family...

Nate’s tux fitting deserves an honorable mention just for the fact that Blair’s actually wearing jeans. Also he kind of deserves she’s lowkey ignoring him

I mean, Dan is so annoying, like yeah I get his point Cotillion is such an elitist unnecessary event, but the way he goes about it gets on my nerves.

Hello Carter. I actually don’t mind him this episode. 

Out of all the seasons I feel like Season 1 is the one where it’s weirder for the final reveal of who gossip girl is, right now it makes the guy really look like a sociopath, with all the stuff he pretends not to know.

Oh Nate! This scene is so fun, like Chuck is so done with the conversation and then “you guys are still pretty close aren’t you?” Dude you have no idea. And the Cherry on the cake “Could you find out who she’s seeing? - Me” he told you Nate, he told you.

Cece’s words to Dan are cruel, but it is the crux of their relationship,, right until the very end and he deals with it in the worst way possible, and why in his mind, every issue in their relationship is always Serena’s fault. Ugh.

Between Dan and Carter, yeah she should have ended with Carter, too bad Cece’s word weren’t profetic.

I wish we had a clearer view of Blair’s outfit in that scene she’s talking with that New York Times guy, because I think it’s purple, and I wish we had seen her using that color a bit more.

Chuck is so jealous and Blair’s like yeah whatever as if. But a jealous Chuck is scheming Chuck. 

I love Rufus, you go Dan (just for this one time)

I’ve always felt Serena’s look for Cotillion was a lot of gold, not in a good way, but right now? I’m kind of feeling it. And she looks gorgeous. 

I mean I think there was probably a better way to say that Grandma Cece is evil, but still I’m not sure it would have matter Serena didn’t want to listen, she never does actually now that I think of it, the end of S3 comes to mind.

Blair has the funniest lines “I’m gonna go Naomi Campbell on you” Is so sad though that we got to see so little of that Erickson Beamon necklace, it’s lovely.

“Hey Beatiful” oh the things one notices when one no longer hates Carter and VanderBaizen is your second Serena ship.

Lily and Cece’s faces at Serena’s presentation stament are to die for.

The pretty little liars song! But since I haven’t watch that show, this one is going to remain a Gossip Girl song for me.

Seeing Cece and Lily at Cotillion makes me think that Blair’s parents are the worst, it’s their daughter debut and none of them could be bothered to attend the event

It didn’t remember this was the first time they mentioned the Santorini incident, less of all in the way Carter tells it, I thought this was first mentioned in S2, 

Not exactly a fan of Lily’s scene with Dan, because yes I agree at this point for the most part Dan is a good influence, but she almost makes it look like Serenas change is thanks to Dan, and that’s not the case. She had decided to change even before she met him.

Also this is feeding Dan’s ego and his belief that he’s the best thing to happen to his girlfriends. 

Oh Chuck finding out than when it comes to Blair scheming is not an easy feat,  and to think this in only the first time this is going to happen.

Poor Chuck, that hurt. Nate’s wink adding salt to his wounds ouch.

That phone between Ruflus and Lily, yes you shouldn’t have let her go!!!

Oh how I used to like that last scene between Dan and Serena.

Seeing that scene of Cece taking her pills made me think of S5, and that’s probably the episode I hate the most in the whole show.

Blair and Nate finally get to it, but seriously Blair doing it with Nate while wearing the necklace Chuck gave you, is tasteless. Also compared to a certain scene at the start of the episode, this looks a bit dull..

Chuck running away, also him looking at the news paper where Blair is happily smiling with some guy, reminded me again of S5. 

Ending this episode with “Apologize” was so 2007, remember how popular this song was?

This was a really packed episode. It introduces us to Cece, and gaves a bit more insight into Rufus and Lily’s history. We have Jenny picking the UES over her family, she’s changing. A dash of Van der Baizen, and our first glimpse to their shared past. Dan and Serena having another clash of worlds, that ends with Lily finally acepting Dan for real; and finally the end of Chuck and Blair 1.0 and the star of Nate and Blair 2.0.

While interesting Jenny’s and Rufly bits this episode, they’re a small part of the episode, Jenny’s in particular feels like a setting up of events to come and as such I feel I have not much to say about it right now. So this episode Dan and Serena had to deal with quite an opponent: Grandma Cece.

Cece while manipulative did raised some interesting points, mainly how out of place Dan feels in the UES, all those things she mentioned are things that Dan resents about the UES, and he may be brushing it up aside for now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t linger and fester in his mind. And then we have Serena who for some reason (which i can’t help but feel is related to Dan) has decided to ditch Cotillion, the even that according to Lily she wanted to attend since she was much younger, and sure people change, Serena is proof of that but in this case I feel her not going is in part to annoyed her mother but also to prove Dan she’s the girl he thhinks she is, i know I may be projecting my dislike of Dan and Derena on this, but it just feels like that to me, and it’s a troubling aspect of their relationship. Also when Dan mentioned to Serena about Cece’s ploy, she doesn’t believe him, doesn’t want to hear it at first, and I just feel for her because sadly is not the first time she’s going to have to accept that her family is not who she think they were.

Last but not least there’s Chuck and Blair. So their secret fling lasted only a month, since the beginning it took Chuck much less effort to embrace the situation, for all his playboys ways the morning after their first time... he wanted them to get breakfast, and it took him Nate messing up again for him to convince Blair of giving them another chance. So when Nate shows interest in Blair, this is Chuck’s worst nightmare come to life, Blair had her whole life with Nate planned out since she was a little girl, she only gave up on that dream when it was clear Nate wanted no part of it, and sure Chuck knows the potential they have, he lowkey always knew, and that’s why he falls so fast, because subconciously he was halfway there since foreve, but it’s very hard to compete with years of Nate, Nate Nate, in Blairs head. So he panics, he gets jealous... and he plots. And it backfires horribly. And for the first time in his life he gets his heart broken.

I don’t judge Blair on this one though because well she knows Chuck, he has an agenda always, and him being Chuck Bass it never occurs to her that he may be realy into her beyond just sex, to her all they being doing is fooling around, she tells Chuck that he needs to learned to behave for them to move to something more, and Chuck behaving is an eufemism of so many things: trust,knowing that she matters to him enough, that he cares. And that’s a big step and it’s a conversation that needed to happen.. and then it doesn’t. Thanks Nate. But really having Nate finally wanting her, and then Chuck seemingly only caring for himself and his own amusement is not suprise she picks Nate. 

I do feel for Chuck because when he gets desperate he doesn’t think properly at all,  he knows Blair, how smart she is and that she’s a good at him at plotting and manipulation,and yet he fails to take that into account, like this episode, he wants Nate to cause a scene to shatter Blair’s image of Nate, because she tells him he would never, so it’s not hard for Blair to see that Nate only caused one because Chuck manipulated into it, it’s transparent. And this is a lesson that sadly he’s not going to learn anytime soon. 

Random bits I would like to mention: ( a bit surprised I got so many for this episode)

So Blair’s birthday is the 15th of november, this means Chuck and Blair version 1.0 lasted a month. Common knowledge I suppose, but I’ve read fanfics where the timeline is much shorter. 

A bit of personal trivia: I love the song “you’re a wolf” (the one playing when Chuck and Blair are making out) and last year was kind of weird for me and I had like a thousand mood changes so anyway, so there was one week I started listening to this song, and I just couldn’t stop re playing it, just so out of nowhere, I played it so much, it ended up being my most played song last year according to Spotify. 

I remember when the type of purse Jenny has was on fashion, and it was cool because it got to the point that street markets they were sold really cheap because they made them out or recycled materials

Chuck tells to Nate that “like the book says she’s just not that into you” and it made think that this was so long ago that there was only the book, the movie wasn’t out yet, wow.. 

I wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t fight with Dan, because then Carter wouldn’t have been at Cotillion, and then the drama between Chuc, Blair and Nate could have ended up in a completely different way.

The Palace does likes like a good place to have the Cotillion, not sure that would have been the case in real life, but here it fits nicely.

Irrelevant but apparently Kati and Is do everything together at such an extent they were scorted by two guys that I guess were brothers because they had the same last name.

You won’t believe but The Pierces have a 2020 version of Secret, it came out on my new releases list on Spotify last week.

[liam-93-productions]

Summer 2017. It will, justly, go down in musical history as the season of Cardi B’s ascendance; the career-making single “Bodak Yellow” was released in June, and, by year’s end, it had propelled the performer into the firmament of hyper-celebrity. 2017 also marked the year of “Despacito,” released in January by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee (only to then be remixed in April with Justin Bieber). “Despacito” was tied as the longest-running No. 1 placeholder on the Billboard Hot 100, until Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” broke that record in mid-2019.

Within that same time frame, another mega-hit would emerge. It was the solo debut from Liam Payne, whose years as one-fifth (then one-fourth) of One Direction have made him a permanent global force. “Strip That Down” dropped in May, featured Migos member Quavo, and was penned by the singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran. Payne describes the track as “rap singing” with a “pop melody on top.” With a bouncing intro beat overlaid with percussive snaps (and a dusting of piano-key complements), the song was palatable from the first hook and dance-floor ready throughout. In essence: a satisfyingly uncomplicated, all-but-guaranteed banger that would go on to become a quadruple-platinum success (with over 300 million music video views on YouTube and nearly 700 million streams on Spotify, totaling north of 1 billion plays).

Before “Bodak Yellow” pulled its money moves by gaining major traction toward August and onward, “Strip That Down” was what you heard blasting when cars drove by; sun and sound and windows-down fusing together to create that fleeting, specific euphoria that helps determine the song of the summer. “Despacito” contended, no doubt, but it had been around a bit longer, and there was something extra — a listenable breeziness — about “Strip That Down” that made it linger. Payne says he couldn’t release any new material “for nine months, because they just wouldn’t take it off the radio.” According to YouTube commenters, the song has had a minor resurgence in 2019, and Payne admits he is still shocked by how it continues to stream in the millions, monthly. “I’m like, what? It’s so old now.” The song also made a major, unmissable declaration in its chorus: Payne repeatedly voices, “You know I used to be in 1D / Now I’m out, free.”

Fast-forward two years from the song’s release, and Payne is sitting in his London management office, jet-lagged but energized after a quick but busy trip to New York City to promote his newest single, “Stack It Up,”featuring the artist A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie. The song, which also credits Sheeran as a writer, marks Payne’s first major promotional push since “Strip That Down,” having released an EP in 2018 but, as of yet, no complete album. Though fans will not have to wait much longer: it was announced in mid-October that Payne’s first album, titled LP1, will arrive on December 6, 2019.

Eating a salad from Pret a Manger, he is boyishly handsome, even when battling time-zone disorientation. At 26 years old, the Wolverhampton, England-born Payne (...) and no stranger to fame. One Direction, that union of Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, and Harry Styles, formed in 2010 after appearing on the British version of the singing competition show The X Factor. “1D” would earn millions of fans worldwide and hundreds of millions of dollars; the band went on indefinite hiatus in 2016. “I’ve been doing this for 10 years,” Payne says with a smile, when everyone in the room admits to feeling the grind of an exhausting schedule.

“We’ve gone full circle,” Payne says, relaxing into his chair. “‘Stack It Up’ is the same team that made ‘Strip That Down,’ which is why it sounds like the song’s little brother.” The track is similarly playful but is more about cash-lust than anything physical. It’s also slightly less shimmery, with an attenuated keyboard pulse and a semi-scratchiness to Payne’s vocal work. “One of the main problems I had with the song, actually, is that it’s very money-oriented, and I didn’t know if that was the message I wanted to convey,” Payne continues. “I’ve been really lucky to have great success, but there have been times in my life when I am sitting there, looking out at the most beautiful view, and all of these amazing things are happening around me, but there’s no one there and you’ve got no one to share it with. You sort of think, ‘Well, that didn’t fix anything, did it?’ You feel just as low as if you had none of it.” This is the first bite of Payne’s ice-clear transparency. He is think-aloud and cut-to-the-chase candid, which, it could be argued, is a rare trait for the very famous.

“So, with that in mind, we kind of switched up the lyrics so that you have dreams for you and someone else, and sending this message of working hard for what you want to gain,” Payne says. “I was a kid from humble beginnings. My parents didn’t have a lot. They gave us what they could. The reason I love this song is that, if you’re on your way to work and you’re listening, I like to think that it gives you the urge to go above and beyond for your shit.”

Love — sometimes messy, sometimes fanatical, sometimes deeply personal — is part of Payne’s narrative. (...) Likewise, his friendships (both then and now) with the other members of One Direction. Regarding modern love — and the trials and tribulations he’s gone through to understand it, and to achieve self-love, at this point — Payne has much to say. The path to 26 has not been easy: The singer has been open about facing mental health, relationship, and self-esteem issues. There is fact and fan fiction when it comes to One Direction’s split, but Payne himself has said there was strife. He even has a tattoo that reads, “We are the quiet ones,” as he felt he was never allowed to speak up on account of the group’s squeaky clean public-facing image.

“I think everyone has a love-hate thing with what they each individually do. It’s not always nice,” he’ll say of his career. “You get a bit of that feeling of turning against your profession.” Has he ever fallen out of love with music? “It can get tedious, and there is a lot of pressure a lot of the time, which is difficult. Your urge sometimes will not be enough. I’ve found that having people around you that give you unwavering support is, more than anything, what keeps me going. (...) Whereas in the past, there have been times when I didn’t know if I wanted to make any more music. You need those people around you to make sure that you carry on.”

(...)

Payne also admits to mentally working through the backlash and the hysteria that can follow his every move. From the One Direction days, his fandom can tread into extreme territories. “Some people can be really nasty for no reason,” he says. “And also, when you’re worried about going to a restaurant or the park and being overprotective, that actually causes more problems. Because then the paparazzi and the press get more on your shit when you’re hiding away, and then when you do finally show yourself or reveal something, it’s a fucking frenzy. (...)”

Payne would not count himself as one of those people. He has been affected by acute anxiety, agoraphobia, and insecurity. He has canceled shows and, at one point, found himself drinking too heavily as a coping mechanism. “We all have an ideal in our heads of what we want to be,” Payne says of self-love. “From the moment you step in and say, ‘I am who I think I am,’ then nothing can touch you. For a long time, I was playing this character, and in reality, I was a million miles away from it, and everyone could fucking see that shit. You get a different level of confidence once you are, like, ‘I’m good.’ Self-assuredness is a powerful thing.” Payne says committing to a fitness regimen and routine has helped, too. “You become happier and more confident, more quickly.”

(...)

Payne concludes by saying he has only “very recently” felt truly comfortable in his own skin. “I’ve just had a long conversation with a friend about this,” he says. “Don’t let your past define you. It’s not all about what you did or didn’t do. I’m on the map of where I am supposed to be, and knowing that is the key.” Liam Payne, consciously stripped down and continuing to stack it up, takes the last bite of his Pret salad.

[tartlemelodica]

I am grateful for @scroogeislife​, who was the amazing person who made this post and to all who have contributed to the wonderful Mark Beaks headcanon. Without forgetting those who make this event possible, here goes the promised fanfic @justbirdfurrythings​.

A special thanks to @the-fire-kittys-main-blog​ who took time to translate this fanfic from Spanish to English. Thank you very much! I don't have words to say how happy I'm right now, you did an amazing work.

Title: Until I met you, (Yes I put the title of a song by Juan Gabriel, do not judge me).

Series: DuckTales 2017

Main Couple: GravesBeaks = Falcon Graves / Mark Beaks  

Classification: T

Genre: Humor / Romance / Hurt / Comfort

Original Version: Click here for Spanish version

________________________________________________

There were two types of people that Falcon Graves detested in the existential plane: the liars and the frivolous ones. Very few people have deceived him and left unharmed in the process, his oldest clients knew this so they avoided doing something that could arouse his anger. The transparency when dealing with the falcon was the first one, because although Graves’ work was illegal, he never acted under the subsoil. He always entered through the big door with his elegant suit made to measure and after a formal presentation with the motive of his visit, he went into action without deception, and everything was developed face to face without any blows to the back. As for frivolous people who were incapable of being serious about stuff, Falcon used to reject the jobs that involved having to deal with these type of individuals in particular, regardless of whether they were employers or possible victims of them; the simple idea of having to live with superficial beings who preferred to have fun rather than to work hard was something that made his insides burn.

If dealing with these types of people tested his tolerance, the combination of both types in a single entity made his tolerance disappear in a matter of seconds. ‘Why did I currently work for a person that fused both things perfectly?’ Oh yes, it was the handsome salary and benefits that Mark Beaks offered at the time or at least that’s what he repeated every day.   Now he was outside with the founder of Wattle who, without really wanting to, found new ways to his patience to the limit. The most recent way was related to the Technology and Innovation Convention of the current year based in one of the most luxurious hotels in the city. While Mark was in his lectures on the company's newest projects, Falcon would make rounds of the place to meet the potential competitors of Waddle and in due course take ideas that seemed to be the most promising to be "improved" in the near future.

What was the problem here? Well there was no problem related to their work; to him work was work and he accepted it. Graves’ displeasure came from the fact that the gray parrot was constantly harassing him to go to the private beach of the hotel a month before the event with the pretext of becoming familiar with the place. It was a torturous week of constant persecution and hundreds of text messages and voicemails on his mobile phone which ended with the falcon accepting, all provided that peace returned to his life, at least for a time before Mark Beak’s next whim.     

"Mr. Beaks is in talk with the number one tester, if you like, you can wait for him in the designated area in front of it," the hotel employee said pleasantly.

"Thank you," Graves said, knowingly reminding himself that this matter was going to take a long time.          

Minutes earlier in the hotel room Beaks had entered into a really absurd state of denial when he did not find his bathing suit among his belongings, leaving everything he had randomly packed in place. Graves did not understand how something like a simple vacation item could cause such a reaction in his boss, he acted even worse than the time he ran out of cell phones during his last visit to his private island.

Ten minutes became fifteen, then twenty, and eventually Falcon started to become aggravated. Surely Beaks was taking selfies with what swimsuits he liked so he could share it with his thousands of followers. The falcon really was not clear on how the young billionaire enjoyed the attention of complete strangers in social networks, however, if one this is for sure it’s that he hated people making him wait due to foreign shallowness.

"Excuse me," Graves spoke to the clerk who had previously spoke to him.

“What I can help you with?” the boy asked smiling.

“How many articles of clothing is Mr. Beaks trying on?” said Graves without stopping to looking in the direction of the test room where his boss was.

“You see, Mr. Beaks asked to try on all the swimsuits that would fit his size," the employee replied nervously, noticing that the man's face was beginning to show signs of anger.

“And how much is that?” asked Graves again, beginning to crack his fingers.

“That would be fourteen models ..., “ the employee started, still smiling as if that could lessen the storm that was coming.

"Well, that's not so much in reality," Falcon said, relaxing himself for a moment, though that would not last long, as he observed how the employee raising his index finger with the little bit of courage he had left. “From what I see there is something more to add?”

"Yes sir, I told you there are fourteen models, however, Mr. Beaks also asked for the respective color options of each requested swimsuit." the subject spoke to the point of fainting.

“And how many is that?” the falcon asked, waiting for an answer that would only end up making him lose his composure, but at this point he decided just to listen.

The poor fellow swallowed before finally having the courage to give the final result.

"Seventy outfits, sir," the boy finally said.

“What?! Seventy?!” Graves exclaimed, opening his eyes wide.

“Yes, it's right sir, anything else I can help you with?” expressed the employee, completely pale, automatically with the the phrase that he had memorized as part of his daily work at the hotel.

"No, I'll take care of it now," Graves answered, squeezing his beak in disgust.

“I think I'll take my rest now!” said the boy, fainting just after finishing the sentence.

Ignoring the man on the floor, Graves made his way to the wooden door of the dressing room. ‘What did that little inconsiderate parrot think? First he persecutes him incessantly to persuade him to live with him and when he achieves his goal he disappears. What a lack of consideration and respect for the time of others!’

“How much clothing are you going to try on in there?” asked the professional corporate saboteur, stifling the impulse to break down the door. He added, “Just choose something, for heaven's sake!”

"I just can not find something to help me," Mark said, excusing himself for his tardiness.

‘Something to help you?’ The comment seemed odd to Graves, but the discomfort he felt did not allow him to reflect on the intrinsic meaning of Beaks's words.

"Mr. Beaks, I've been out here for almost an hour!” the falcon exclaimed, trying to keep the volume in his voice.

“I know Gravesy, I heard you arrive” the youngest spoke with the relaxed tone that so displeased his companion.

“And he has the nerve to admit it!" exclaimed Falcon, clenching his fists hard before continuing. “Look, i forgive the fact that they conveniently gave us a double room to share.

"I told you that was a mistake at the hotel reception," Mark replied rhythmically, almost as if he were singing his response.

"And why did you not make a fuss over that? I thought things were always done your way?" said Graves, who had a good point.

“Yes, but we are not in Waddle. Here I have to keep up appearances." Beaks explained, in an attempt to convince the man who was waiting impatiently behind the door.

“Though I do that believe that is true, Sir can’t hack what ever you want!” said the older and forget the formalities added, “Mark Beaks, I'm tired, just put on whatever...!”

“Whatever!? How dare you suggest that!?” Beaks inquired irritably at that recommendation.

“Are you going to leave or not?” Falcon replied.

“No!”

This was the last thing the employee was willing to endure and I had to make it clear.

“If you do not open, I will go up to the room with a double bed, which according to you, we were given by a mistake of reception, I will take my things and I will go home. If I cross the main door of the hotel, you will not see me again, and forget about asking me to accompany you to any place outside working hours, do you understand?”

There was no answer. ‘I already had enough of Beaks's frivolousness at work as well as having to endure it in another environment.’ It seems his boss preferred to spend hours in front of a mirror with his cell phone in his hand, instead of spending time with real people that were there, and did not pay him extra for enduring his nonsense.

“Well then, I'll go!” said the muscular saboteur bluntly, stepping away from the place.

Mark managed to open the door only to see how Falcon's back disappeared from his field of vision and weakly whispered:

“Gravesy, do not go.”

________________________________________________

It was not very difficult to pack, unlike Beaks, Falcon had only brought what was dispensable for a three-day stay. Yes, that's right, the youngest member of the club of billionaires had convinced him to spend all that time with him and to top it all he was about to share the same bed for two whole nights, where his boss would take any carelessness excuse to take advantage of the situation.

“Wait, Graves!” exclaimed the youngest, hurrying into the room.

Graves looked at him out of the corner of his eye. The young founder of Waddle was agitated and with his shirt badly buttoned holding a small shopping bag his right hand.

“What the hell happened to you?” asked Graves, looking askance at his boss.

“Stairs…” replied Beaks still very much winded.

In the damned elevator had climbed an unsupervised child who pressed all the buttons and before having to spend a half hour visiting all floors, Beaks got off when he had the opportunity and used what was left of the strength in his legs to climb what remainder of his way to their. After all, Falcon was worth the effort.

"Has Mr. Beaks coming to say goodbye?" the falcon asked, still not looking at him. “Or to apologize?”

Mark did not really want Falcon to leave, but he was not sure if he could share with him some of the most painful passages of his life.

“No, I can not!” expressed the other with difficulty.

"Yes, it was clear to me," Graves said, frowning.

“Just give me a couple of minutes, right?” said the gray parrot, trying to catch his breath.

"I gave you one hour of my life outside that damn tester," said Falcon, slamming the suitcase with his belongings.

"It was not an hour, it was fifty-seven minutes," his boss clarified with shamelessness as if subtracting three minutes from Graves's long wait made a difference.

“Goodbye Mr. Beaks!” exclaimed the other, addressing the doorframe decisively.

The situation had escaped his hands, if the gray parrot did not do something Graves would leave and would never have another opportunity like today. He had to do something, even if it meant resuming the pain he had repressed for years and embracing himself to get enough courage. He finally shouted:

“I can not let them make fun of me!”

“What?” Falcon asked confused.

"Just give me a couple of minutes," said the gray parrot, and after a continuous deep sigh, "After that, you can leave if you want to.”

Seeing the glassy eyes of the younger, Falcon felt a twinge in his chest as if the pain that was eating Mark for a moment had transferred to his own psyche. ‘And for some unknown reason I wish that feeling would never be repeated. This was definitely not frivolity, much less a hoax.’

“Are you okay?” Graves asked in dismay.

“I will be when you let me show you,” answered the shorter one, trying to keep control of his emotions.

The falcon nodded and his companion entered the bathroom with the small shopping bag that until then had not had the greatest relevance. Graves began to despair, for reasons completely different from those of an hour ago: he was worried about Mark. For his consolation as the gray parrot promised him the wait on this occasion was short-lived.

"You can look now," Mark said, a little nervous.

Falcon was really surprised to see that Beaks was still hugging himself, although now his cheeks were flushed. He looked uneasy, had never seen him so vulnerable. He was only a swimming shorts with an opening that exposed the red and immaculate feathers of his tail and barely Graves felt this, he felt as if the savagery of his ancestors seized his sanity.

“Tell me bluntly Graves, I know I am ..." began the gray parrot, expecting a terrible criticism.

"The most beautiful thing I've seen," Graves added, enchanted by how attractive and suggestive Mark's rearguard was.

“But the feathers of my tail …” The parrot started still insecure, he is not used to positive comments about the part he usually hid from others.

“They are so exotic and sensual, believe me when I tell you that I'm trying hard not to make you mine on the bathroom floor.”

Falcon found enough willpower to run to the wash to get his face wet. ‘Curse! How did you let your thoughts turn into words?’ He quickly left the bathroom and stood by the bed, analyzing whether he should leave with his hotel stuff at that moment or wait for Beaks to punch him in the face.

“Gravesy …”

The taller one turned slowly only to find Mark with his eyes beginning to flood.

"Mr. Beaks?" Graves said, not even waiting for Beaks to launch himself into his manly chest.

It was a sea of ​​tears and it was then Falcon understood that Mark's affliction had nothing to do with what had just happened, this was something deeper, something that had managed to pepper his soul to the point of being a slave to an evil memory. He wrapped his arms around his thin body, hoping to calm him down a bit, but it did not help, Beaks was still trembling and the tears did not seem to subside. Falcon brought him closer to the warmth of his body and laying him down on the bed with him, began gently grooming the feathers on his head.

It was a touch so tender and delicate that Mark soon began to relax, it was almost like a sweet dream that the young man in his arms did not want to wake up, but he had to do so not to worry Graves. He was afraid to break again in front of the major if he tried to talk about an issue that obviously distressed him, so he chose the way that gave him the most security.

He took one of the backup cell phones he had in the first drawer of the mahogany bureau and wrote a message with surprising speed. Graves's trouser pocket vibrated instantly.

“You?” The taller one asked, although he already knew the answer.

Mark Beaks_10:35

‘When I was little the other children made fun because the feathers of my tail were a different color from the rest of my body, so I decided to hide it.’

“I get it. So did you went crazy when you realized you forgot to pack your swimsuit?”

Mark Beaks_10:36

‘I told you not to forget it, someone stole it!’

“Why would someone want to steal your swimsuit?” Graves asked wryly.

Mark Beaks_10:36

‘Hey, I have many fans! From this moment someone will be auctioning my shorts online.’

“Whatever you say, Mr. Beaks.”

Mark Beaks_10:36

‘Could you just call me Mark? I want you to stop being so formal with me, I mean all the time and not only when you're angry like a moment ago.’

"I'll try, Beaks," Falcon said truthfully.

Mark Beaks_10:37

‘Well, it's a start.’

"And you will not have more than that," Graves said, although deep down they both knew that could change one day.

Mark Beaks_10:37

‘It's okay. Returning to the subject I had never told anyone about this. And I was really terrified of going out with a swimsuit like the one I'm wearing if that meant being exposed to everyone's eyes. I could not stand being mocked, not again!’

"That will not happen again," declared Falcon with determination.

Mark Beaks_10:38

‘Why are you so sure?’

The face of the descendant of predators hardened and sinisterly sentenced:

“Because if someone dares to look at you contemptuously I'll use it as a punching bag until every bone in his pathetic body is fractured, no matter how much he pleads for mercy, I will not give him a truce and when he's done dust thinking that nothing in the world could go beyond his ordeal, I'll put a metal rod through him …”

“That's so romantic Gravesy!” Mark interrupted, pressing harder against the sculptor's chest.

"You must be the only person in the world who thinks something so horrible is romantic," Graves said, giving the thin bird in his arms a warm smile, glad to hear his irritating, tender voice again.

"Graves, can I ask you something else?” Mark asked to receive a slight nod from the one mentioned as a sign of approval. “Would you accompany me to the beach tomorrow? It will be easier if you are with me. I promise not to use the cell phone during the entire time we are away.”

"Sure," the falcon said briefly.

"Thank you Gravesy,"   Mark said, feeling more protected than ever.

“And so you to know, Beaks I would have accompanied you even if you were carrying your cell phone” Graves revealed smiling.

“Then I can retract?!” the younger asked excited.

“Do not! What’s said is said" Graves said, in front of a Mark Beaks who pouted and added, “Then since today we will not go to the beach, we can stay in our room watching movies and enjoying food all day”.

“Did you say our room?” The gray parrot asked, his eyes fully illuminated.

"Yes, that's what I said," said the falcon, and added, "Unless you're thinking of getting me another one when there's a vacancy left."

"Do not dream about that, Gravesy," Mark replied, making himself comfortable in Graves's arms. He knew that they had taken another step in relationship and that really made him happy.

________________________________________________

Meanwhile in the maintenance department of the hotel were a couple of scientists, working hard.

“We were lucky that they let us stay at the hotel in exchange for some maintenance work, are we not Dr. Gearloose?

“Of course not, this is humiliating! It's all the fault of those stinging vultures and their spending cuts!” Gyro exclaimed, without hiding his annoyance, he really detested those old birds and after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence added, "Where did Little Bulb go? He's supposed to be helping us here, that's what he believes it for.”

Just then the little helper robot jumped out of one of the ventilation ducts.

“Look Dr. Gearloose! There he is!” Crackshell-Cabrera exclaimed, who could not notice the way his direct boss rolled his eyes in annoyance instead of answering him.

“Where have you been all this time? I've been looking for you for hours!” the head of inventors said irritably to his little helper robot.  “What a little hygienic Little Bulb! Why are you bringing me someone's swimsuit?”

“Wait a moment Dr. Is it my imagination or those shorts have the Waddle logo?” Fenton asked, squinting to see better the garment that the creation of his boss had among his little ones his metallic hands.

"Not those fools, what's the Waddle logo going to be like," Gyro said, watching his assistant robot stretch the garment. “What the hell! Yes it is the Waddle logo!”

________________________________________________

TO BE CONTINUE?

The story of how this writing started swimming like a Drabble, legs came out to become Vignette, and after three days evolved into One-shot and maybe one day mute in a Fanfic is long, so I will not bore you with that. I'll just say this is the merger of the first three days of GravesBeaks Week, so it has a bit of everything, but not enough.

[crazylivingx]

me expressing my love for love yourself: answer

it’s only been 3 days into 2019 and i’ve been emo about love yourself: answer because i recently bought the album in korea and their lyricism makes me want to cry pls ignore this if you don’t wanna read about my feelings towards the solo songs released throughout the love yourself era because the pure genius and passion put into this project is truly astounding yalls pls love yourselves this is also really personal you’ve been warned (also apologies if i’ve made any grammatical errors lmao)

*i’m going by the ly: answer sequence

(as im writing this in my language and literature class my lecturer goes “my daughter loves bts” and cue my friend and i shouting the member’s names to guess his daughter’s bias and its jhope like wow we stan a jhope stan he said she thinks he “has such a blinding smile’ and thats honestly the biggest mood)

euphoria

this song is innocent af when i first heard it i knew it was a bopping bop the synths in the chorus can kick me to switzerland i barely even remember what the video was about all i remember is jungkook and that yellow jacket lmao his vocal runs when he sings “won’t you please stay in dreams” is just heavenly it honestly feels like i’m floating through the clouds with this song this song can convert people who don’t like good songs with synths bet i can’t imagine anyone other than jungkook singing this song tbh if you get an s.o. i hope you experience this song

favourite line (i know it’s not a singular line pls bear with me):

You’re the sun that rose again in my life

A reincarnation of my childhood dreams

I don’t know what these emotions are

Am I still dreaming?

This dream is a blue mirage in the desert

A priori deep inside of me

I’m so happy, I can’t breathe

My surroundings are getting more and more transparent

I hear the far-away ocean

Across the dream, over the horizon

I’m going to the place that’s getting clearer

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

trivia 起 just dance

this whole song shows how much jhope loves dancing and it’s so sweet??? wanting to dance with your partner under the moonlight and slowly falling in love???? the song just screams jhope especially with the chorus you can just imAGiNe him dancing like he has no bones because he DoeSn’T,,,, it has a synthetic feel but it also feels really passionate and human like jhope can #getit we stan a multitalented man the lyrics in this song is probably the lightest but it’s still fun and easy to understand and listen to

favourite line (yea i know it’s like an entire verse but i love their lyrics okay):

In my muddy life

You were like a single stem flower

Even this suffocating studio

If we’re together, turns into paradise

My dreams that once had no answer

Now becomes something we can relate to

Because our rhythm is matching

Because we have our dance, it’s a fate-like beat

serendipity

i remember covering my screams when the mv for this song came out before dna was released and my mom instantly knew what was up lmao this song was kind of my style of music with the #chillvibes it gave out but the chill-ness of the song didn’t make forgettable i’ve played this song in the car before and now my dad can recognize it lol even khalid liked it you go you funky little chimchim,,, i never really paid attention to the lyrics in this song but it sounds really innocent and possessive at the same time lmao i’ll give bts the benefit of the doubt (i also prefer the short version over the full length version don’t kill me)

favourite line (at least these are lines. i know i said line not lines let me live):

As much as my heart flutters, I’m worried

Destiny is jealous of us

//

Since the creation of the universe

Everything was destined

Just let me love you

trivia 承 love

this song man. namjoon. the piano chords in the beginning is what gives me life. the moment i heard them i instantly knew this was going to be a fave. i love the slight discordance no matter what i will instantly start bopping to it because it’s such a bop that you HAVE to bop along with it. rm loves wordplay in his lyrics, and when it crosses with his intellect something beautiful emerges. this song feels like a flower i love the melody of chords like the chords sold me immediately. and then after i was sold the lyrics stabbed me. there is no escape.

favourite line (god where do i begin):

I live so I love

//

I'm just a human, human, human (the ㅁ in 사람 saram which means human)

You erode all my corners

And make me into love, love, love (becomes ㅇin 사랑 sarang which means love)

We're humans, humans, humans

In that myriad of straight lines

My love, love, love

When you sit on top of it and you become my heart (if the ㅇ the word 사랑 is squished, it’ll look like a heart ♡)

//

You make I to an O

I to an O

Because of you

I know why human (saram) and love (sarang) sound similar

You make live to a love

Live to a love

Because of you

I know why a person should live by love

//

It's a long way from I to U

Fuck, JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and I reached you 

(i really suggest going to genius’s website to fully understand the song if you want to)

singularity

kim taehyung better square up because i would buy burger king and fight him in the parking lot because he stole my toenail,,,, bighit released this song while i was in hell aka university and bOY was i hshshshhshdhdh <— thats the best way i can describe my feelings,,, like he made my tears flow upwards or something the music video was aMAZING and i was shooketh ihatehimsmjkidontbutyouknowwhatimean back to the song - serendipity was also pretty chill but in a darker way and i love it as well. to me the lyrics mirror fake love because it portrays how walking on thin ice feels and how you’ll lose your own voice just to suffer to make sure the person you love will continue loving you (the lyrics are also really slow so it made it easy for me to read the lyrics in karaoke lmao) singularity was a goddamn package for me the mv, the performance and v himself just hshshshshs when i listen to this song i feel like i’m lying down on a giant leaf floating on a clear pond watching a dim but twinkling meteor shower with giant water flowers surrounding me and fireflies are swaying along with wisps of smoke and this is getting too long winded i’ll stop here as i’m writing this i just remembered namjoon wrote this song in one shot after having surgery what a mans

favourite line (its long but it doesn’t feel complete if i break it up):

A thick ice has formed

In the dream I shortly went into

My agonizing phantom pain is still the same

Have I lost myself

Or have I gained you

I suddenly run to the lake

There’s my face in it

Please don’t say anything

Reach my hand out to cover the mouth

But in the end, spring will come someday

The ice will melt and flow away

Tell me if my voice isn’t real

trivia 轉 seesaw

oh boy. suga. min yoongi. this has been said before but the use of seesaw as a metaphor for a dying/toxic relationship is truly artistic and clever. the way he describes it in his lyrics creates a really clear picture of what’s happening. how if one person gets off a seesaw the other will get hurt as they’ll start to fall to the ground, how neither wants to get off because they know they’ll hurt whoever’s on the other side, and how staying or leaving this “repeated seesaw game” will hurt the both of them no matter what choice they choose. i’ll let the lyrics speak for themselves. (suga singing and dancing was also a pleasant surprise i fell on the floor)

favourite line (get ready i’m about to put like 80% of the song in here the lyrics is a masterpiece):

Repeated seesaw game

I'm tired of this

Repeated seesaw game

We're getting tired of each other

Were the petty arguments the start?

The moment I became heavier than you

Because there's never been parallels in the first place

Maybe I became more greedy and tried to fit in with you

Is there really a need to keep repeating ourselves

Saying this was love and this is love?

They're tired of each other, they seem to hold the same hand

//

People can be so crafty

They know they’ll get hurt if one person is missing

Because we don't want to be the villains

In the midst of a series of vague responsibilities

And we get so tired or if that we finally became parallel

But we didn’t want this kind of parallel

At first, we showed off who was heavier

We'd brag and smile

Now we're trying to beat each other

We're in a competition

The fire of a quarrel

It’ll only end if someone gets off right here

We’re acting like we’re comforting each other

But it’s mixed with thorns

Can’t keep doing this, we need to make a decision

//

(Hol' up Hol' up) I walk on this seesaw without you

(Hol' up Hol' up) Just like the beginning when you weren't here

(Hol' up Hol' up) I walk on this seesaw without you

(Hol' up Hol' up) I'm getting off this seesaw without you

(like trivia 承 love, you can read more about the song on genius’s website)

epiphany

stream epiphany. our boy kim seokjin’s vocals have truly improved huh. this to me felt like a response to awake (you can fLY JIN) and i applaud bighit for giving him this song. he finally gets the recognition and lines he deserves smh. you really feel like a proud parent when you watch the fancams throughout the love yourself tour and hear how his voice improves after each performance. the song is also kind of the ‘final act’ to all the solos in ly: answer and they finally get to spread their message of “its hard to love yourself, but that’s why you should so you can love others as well”. after becoming the shell of what you once were, the only way you can fill it up again is to love yourself, and that’s my pov of the whole point of the song. i’m gonna be honest i wasn’t really into this song in the beginning but i started to fall in love with it after a few listens (i listened to it sm that when i was downloading the ly: answer album i forgot to add epiphany cause i was streaming it LMAO)

favourite line (i know they’re verses as well hshdhds):

I’m the one I should love in this world

Shining me, precious soul of mine

I finally realized so I love me

Not so perfect but so beautiful

I'm the one I should love

//

I may be a bit blunt, I may lack some things

I may not have that shy glow around me

But this is me

My arms, my legs, my heart, my soul

bonus song - answer: love myself

doing a pewdiepie and adding a bonus song lmao my first listen of this song was in my friend’s house and we had the lyrics on and let me tell you the moment we read the lyrics we wanted to hug bts because it was so soft and it was so uwu we were so ready to love ourselves lol yes it sounds like a church song but like epiphany i learned to love it too this was also my first song of 2019 so if you decide to, please listen to it with an open heart

favourite line (hey look actual lines this time yes lines not line):

Maybe I fell in order to take the place of those countless stars

The target of thousands of bright arrows is me alone

//

Why do you keep trying to hide under your mask?

Even all the scars from your mistakes make up your constellation

that’s all from me bye sorry for the long post

bighit pls hire me as an album promoter

[swshadowcouncil]

The Case for Rey Skywalker: Another Interpretation

In the first Case for Rey Skywalker, we presented the idea Luke knew who Rey was at the end of The Force Awakens and kept it from her to protect her. Now we present an alternative possibility.

Rian Johnson referred to Luke and Rey as the “beating heart” of The Last Jedi.  Yet the film he made portrayed their relationship as contentious and emotionally distant.  Either Rian Johnson has a very unusual idea for what constitutes the beating heart of a film, or there is more going on between these two characters than meets the eye at first glance. In our first series of articles, we proposed that Luke knew from the moment he saw Rey that she was his daughter, whom he had long thought dead, and that he made the painful choice to reject her in order to spare her from the sort of tragic fate that Skywalkers are prone to.

Now, we present a second possible frame through which to view the film — that Luke does not know Rey is his daughter when she first arrives on Ahch-To, or at least does not believe it to be possible. In this interpretation, Luke’s motivation for rejecting Rey is not part of a concerted effort to drive her away, but is rather a response to how Rey reminds him of the loss of his own daughter (who, incidentally, would be right around Rey’s age and have a similar appearance and temperament). While this interpretation retains the overall shape of our initial Rey Skywalker interpretation of TLJ, it provides an intriguing new context for Luke’s behavior towards Rey, and towards the overall development of their relationship.

The Interpretation

Luke, from the end of The Force Awakens and throughout his interactions with Rey in The Last Jedi, is going through an existential crisis. His treatment of Rey is his response to the extremely conflicting thoughts and emotions that she causes in him.  Even though he is cut off from the Force, he is drawn to her and yet at the same time he is constantly putting up emotional barriers to keep her at arm’s length.

When Rey first comes to Luke at the end of The Force Awakens he has an emotional reaction to seeing her.  There are tears in his eyes and his eyes and lips quiver like he’s about to start crying. Indeed, The Last Jedi is very careful not to overwrite Luke’s reaction. Yet when Rey hands him the lightsaber he promptly flings it over his shoulder and rushes off. In this interpretation, we propose that this is the beginning of an internal struggle between Luke’s heart and his mind.  

His heart is 100% sure that this is his child standing in front of him, hence his emotional reaction to seeing her.  His mind however, is certain that his daughter is dead. Perhaps he thought that he had felt his daughter die or felt that there was no way she could have been alive all this time without him sensing where she was. Him tossing the lightsaber then would be akin to someone throwing their hands up in exasperation. He can’t reconcile what he thinks with what he feels, so he runs off. The anger he displays in doing so would also be explained by this interpretation of events–of all the people Leia could send to retrieve him from Ahch-To, she sent a girl who looks exactly like a teenage version of his deceased daughter, in what would appear to be a transparent attempt to pluck at his heartstrings and guilt him into coming back. The “cheap trick” he’d undoubtedly believe was being played on him would make Luke’s frustration and rejection perfectly justified, and the bewilderment he would feel at seeing the ghosts of his past in the flesh would drive him to run and hide instead of confronting the reality of what was happening.

Mark Hamill has also suggested that Luke’s bitter attitude towards Rey is at least in part an act. To defend himself from the emotional turmoil that Rey is causing in him, Luke adopts a bitter shell to mask his feelings and to keep Rey from getting too close to him emotionally. He tells her to get lost and spends a good part of the day blowing her off despite the fact that she keeps following him around like an angry duckling. However, Luke also likely actively dislikes Rey because she reminds him so much of the child he lost. If Luke had been the father to a Force sensitive child, he would have certainly dreamt of one day teaching her the ways of the Force, a dream that would have seemed to die some 14 years prior to the events of The Last Jedi. Now, he’s tasked with becoming a mentor to someone who he believes is a complete stranger but whose appearance, manner, and temperament all remind him of what might have been.

Yet Luke, still a hopeful man at heart, is also drawn to Rey in a way. He repeatedly gives her glances over his shoulder and when she stops following him to go to the tree on Ahch-To, he follows her there. Luke asking Rey, “Who are you?” in the tree might not seem odd at first, but Luke already knows her name at this point (we know because he refers to her by it later in the scene) and he knows she’s a member of the Resistance come to bring him back. He also asks her who she is prior to her telling him that she had seen the tree and the island in dreams. If Rey were truly a nobody with no connection to Luke, he would have no reason at that point to think there was anything more to her than she had already told him. Him asking her who she is implies that he has reason to think there is more to her than that. If Luke does on some level feel that Rey is his daughter, his questioning of her becomes incredibly poignant.  

He desperately wants to know why his sister would send a girl to him that reminds him so much of the child he lost. He asks “who are you?” because he can’t bring himself to have enough hope to ask “Are you my daughter?” In his mind he is certain the answer is no, but he has to know one way or the other. At least if Rey can tell him definitively that she is someone other than the child he lost, he can resolve his internal conflict and see her as an individual rather than a ghost come to haunt him. Rey can’t do that, however, because she doesn’t know who she is herself. She shows Luke that she is Force sensitive, but to Luke that just adds another similarity between Rey and his “dead” daughter. This new bit of information only heightens Luke’s inner emotional conflict.  Again, he reacts to that conflict by throwing his emotional walls back up, adopting the bitter act again, and running off.

During the scene with Artoo, Luke drops the act.  He seems much more like the Luke we all remember from the original trilogy. There’s no bitterness in his voice or his actions, just hopelessness and deep sorrow. This is one of our earliest inklings that the seeming erraticness of Luke’s emotions actually follow a clear pattern–he alternately puts up walls and breaks down into fits of grief in response to his interactions with Rey. When we see him next, he’s gruffly telling Rey he’s agreed to teach her, his vulnerability nowhere to be found.

During the first lesson, Luke once again starts to open up to Rey just a bit. His voice is kind and sincere, and he seems to watch her intently as she meditates, clearly interested in learning more about her and her abilities. However, when Rey is drawn to the cave and her raw strength is revealed Luke freaks out again.  She reminds him too much of Ben and (as The Last Jedi comic adaptation repeatedly states) too much of himself as well.  Yet again, Luke’s reaction to Rey triggering his conflicting thoughts and feelings is to throw up emotional walls and run off. Later, we see that he is unable to reject her entirely–when Rey goes to practice with her staff and the the lightsaber, Luke watches with a look of wonder on his face before once more turning and running off.

Rey, too, undergoes something of a journey in her relationship with Luke. When she first encounters him, at the end of The Force Awakens, she has tears in her eyes (as does he), which seems a bit strong of a reaction for someone who’s simply glad she found someone to teach her the ways of the Force. Though she is not outwardly as conflicted as Luke in The Last Jedi, Rey seems puzzled that he does not welcome her in the way she expected. She pushes continually for his approval and acceptance, such as when she pledges to Luke, “[Kylo Ren] failed you; I won’t.” bringing Luke to tears. The extremely emotionally heightened nature of their relationship, as well as Rey’s sudden seeming personality change upon being rejected by Luke (such as beginning to trust Kylo, who she had previously detested), further implies that both characters know or suspect more than they have the courage to admit to one another.

The real key to understanding everything that happens between Rey, Luke, and Kylo, however, is the deleted scene at the Caretakers’ village. In this scene, Luke pranks Rey into thinking the locals on Ahch-To are in danger, when in fact they’re simply having a bonfire festival. When Luke catches up to Rey, who sprints off to rescue them, she turns on him, castigating him for making a joke out of the person she had once “believed in.” Rey storms off, and Luke is left looking guilt-ridden as she walks away.

Without this scene, the following events seem to transpire: Rey pledges not to disappoint Luke, and, although she is a total stranger and Luke has no reason to take her promise seriously, this is finally the thing that motivates him to reconnect with the Force so he can train her to be a Jedi. Then, seemingly at random, we cut to Rey, who is extremely upset, demanding of Kylo why he murdered his father. With the Caretaker village scene, however, the following story falls into place:

Rey’s disappointment in Luke spurs him to try and reconnect with the Force, likely out of a feeling he has let her down and a desire to make amends. Meanwhile, we catch Rey on her way back to her hut from the Caretaker village (as opposed to wandering randomly in the darkness), still extremely–even suspiciously–upset after her altercation with Luke. When she encounters Kylo Ren, she tearfully demands why he murdered his father, shouting “You had a father who loved you, he gave a damn about you.”

Prior to this, Rey is quite hostile to Kylo. During their first encounter, she tells him he’s going to pay for what he did. During the second, she calls him a snake and a monster and tells him he has lost. The third encounter is the first time where she starts to actually try to talk to him. The fact that this issue is so pressing that she’s willing to ask her mortal enemy about it seems to imply that whatever just happened to her brought the topic directly to the forefront of her mind. In other words, Luke’s spiteful and dismissive prank drove Rey to question how someone could ever fail to appreciate having a father who loves and cares about them, something she now particularly feels she does not have.

This heavily implies that by this point, she has begun to suspect that Luke is her father. Kylo picks up on this and starts needling her, telling her that her parents threw her away like garbage (much like the lightsaber at the beginning of the film). This is before the scene in the hut where the two see into each other’s minds, so it shows that Kylo already knows that Rey’s parents are her greatest weakness–he’s perceived it from her words and actions alone. It also shows that he’s already begun to push the idea that her parents abandoned her before having any clear knowledge to suggest they did so, casting doubt on his later interpretation of what he sees in her mind.

After talking with Kylo, Rey decides to go to the tidal cave that’s been calling to her throughout the film. When she arrives in the hall of mirrors within the cave, the very first thing she does is ask to see her parents. This is important for two reasons. The first is that it shows that Rey doesn’t remember what her parents looked like. If she can’t even remember that, she is unlikely to remember anything else about them. The second is, up until this point Rey has shown no signs of deeply desiring to know who her parents are. She has only shown a desire for them to come back to her. Notice she doesn’t ask for the mirror to show her where her parents are. If at this point all she wanted was to get back to them, asking how to find them would be the most logical thing for her to do. Like Luke asking “who are you?” to Rey, Rey asking the mirror to show her her parents only makes sense if there was a specific answer she was hoping to either have confirmed or disproven. She’s hoping that the mirror will show her Luke, so she can finally confront him and find out why he’s seemingly rejected her. But just like when Luke questions Rey, Rey is given no firm answer and left only with inner turmoil.

Rey feels abandoned by Luke and because of the lack of answers from the cave she begins to believe that her real worst fear might be true–that whether her parents are Luke or somebody else, they abandoned her deliberately and do not want her back. She’s hurting and very emotionally vulnerable, but she also feels a deep connection to Kylo Ren, likely because he is her family as well and seems to understand what she’s going through. So in this moment of weakness, she confides in him and starts to sympathize with him.  

At this point, Luke rushes back to Rey calling her name. Though the timeline is unclear, it’s implied that this happens on the heels of Luke reconnecting to the Force for the first time. When he first opens the door to Rey’s hut he’s smiling, showing he was running to her with good news. The movie’s novelization suggests Luke is running to Rey because he’s decided to come with her and join the Resistance, but this sudden change of heart makes slightly more sense if he had also dared to allow himself to hope that Rey was his daughter (keep in mind that when the two parted, they were angry with each other, so it would be odd for Luke to burst into her house unannounced and smiling unless something significant had changed since they last spoke).

When Luke sees Rey with Kylo, he blasts the hut apart in shock and anger, only to realize that Kylo wasn’t actually there. Rey accuses Luke of trying to murder Kylo, obviously a very emotionally sensitive topic for Luke. Luke’s response is, again, to retreat back into his bitter shell and tell Rey to leave the island, though his pleading with her shortly thereafter not to leave at all suggests that this, too, is an act of emotional self defense, not where his heart truly lies.

Rey demands to know the truth from Luke, who tells her that he had sensed darkness building in Ben during his training. Luke’s motivation in going wasn’t to kill Ben, but to look in his mind and see how deep that darkness went. Luke then tells Rey that by this point, Snoke had “already turned [Ben’s] heart.” Instead of the future, we believe a terrible calamity has already happened that demonstrates Ben’s inner darkness. If what Luke saw was that Ben was somehow at least partially responsible for the death of his wife and the “death” of his daughter, and thus that Han, Leia, and everyone else Luke loved were at risk because of Ben, then suddenly him having the split second instinct to draw his lightsaber isn’t so out of character for him. More importantly, the choice to put the saber away and not strike down the man who he believes caused the deaths of his wife and daughter, becomes yet another testament to Luke’s unrelenting goodness and compassion, rather than a sign that he has failed.

After getting the truth from Luke about what happened the night of the Temple massacre Rey decides to go to Kylo Ren to try to turn him from the Dark Side. Luke begs her not to go, but when she holds out the saber to him he refuses it again, looking dejected.  He’d just been forced to relive what he considers to be one of his greatest failures. If he had been feeling like he could go back to being a hero earlier, that has all been reversed now and he’s back to feeling like a failure again.

Luke’s feelings of utter failure continue into the next scene where he goes to burn the tree, but despite his feeling he still can’t bring himself to go through with it.  After blasting the tree with lightning, Yoda begins to lecture Luke on needing to look past the Jedi texts. Luke’s demeanor changes when Yoda first mentions Rey. Yoda picks up on that and the tone of his lecture completely changes. He criticizes Luke for missing the “need in front of [his] nose.” This is true on two counts. Luke needs his daughter but refused to believe it when she was standing right in front of him. Rey needs her father, but that was something Luke refused to be to her. Luke says that he was weak and unwise. He’s realized that pushing Rey away was a massive mistake. This prompts his next line, “I can’t be what she needs me to be.”

In this interpretation, the line serves as an explanation for why Luke has refused to accept that his daughter is alive–not only is he afraid of being disappointed if he is proven wrong, but he also feels like he can’t be the father that she needs because of his previous failures. Just as he did on the day of his death, Yoda reminds Luke to “pass on what [he has] learned,” not only his success but also his failures. For only in learning Luke’s failures could Rey grow beyond them.

By tracing Rey’s journey, we can easily see how she reaches this point. She arrives on Ahch-To believing Luke might be her father. When he rejects her, she is shocked and confused, and tries to make sense of why he has received her so coldly, though she, like Luke, is too afraid to admit her suspicions outright. She finds a partial explanation when she learns he’s cut himself off from the Force (“of course you have”), and still pushes for him to accept her, even if he might not be able to sense who she is. Her patience runs out when he plays a cruel prank on her in the deleted scene, after which point she begins to have doubts of whether he is her father after all. This leads her to the mirror cave, which she hopes will confirm or deny that Luke is her father, but instead it gives her no answer. She offers Luke one last chance to prove his care for her, but when he refuses the call she gives up on him and flies off to confront Kylo.

When she arrives, Luke’s rejection is still fresh in her mind, and when Kylo, who she thinks may be another member of her family, also refuses to join her, her greatest fear takes hold. This fear is not that her family is “nobody” in a general sense, but rather that they are “nobody” in that they are not the Skywalkers, whose trust and acceptance she had struggled so hard to win. The Skywalkers, she imagines, must have had a good reason to leave her behind, and so when Luke (and now Kylo) disappoint her, she believes they must not be her family at all, leaving only one explanation: that her parents had no good reason to leave her; they abandoned her simply because they did not love her.

As we said before, Kylo doesn’t come straight out and say that Rey’s parents are junk dealers, he gets her to say they were “nobody” first. This could be because at this point he doesn’t know how much she knows, he only knows that she carries with her a deep-rooted fear of who they are, one that is now weighing heavy in her mind for all the reasons listed above. If Rey had instead said “Luke abandoned me on Jakku,” it’s entirely possible that he would have used that to try to persuade her to join him just as well. In any case, the evidence presented strongly suggests that Rey’s “confession” is a fear that Kylo is persuading her to “admit” as truth, and that while not deliberately lying, he does not possess certain knowledge aside from what he saw in Rey’s mind that she fears.

Rey’s arc of discovering her identity ends, in this film at least, on a bitter note. The end of Luke’s side, however, unfolds a bit differently. In his duel with Kylo on Crait, he notably tells Kylo “I will not be the last Jedi,” at which point the scene cuts to Rey. Her eyes shoot open and she glances behind her, clearly sensing something (which the novel says is Luke reaching out to her through the Force to tell her he will “always be there” with her). When she runs to embrace Finn immediately afterwards, the shot zooms in on her face, then cuts back to Luke who is smiling slightly and has a distant look in his eyes.

If this interpretation is correct, this is certainly the moment Luke finally fully believes beyond doubt that his daughter is alive. Moreover, he also knows she’s now safe and back with the people she cares about most.  For the first time in the whole film Luke looks truly happy and at peace, and this is when he puts up his saber, ready for Kylo to strike him down. He does not wait even until the Resistance is flying away–his thoughts are entirely on ensuring Rey is safe, an odd focus to have in his final moments if she is just a student he knew for a few weeks. Kylo picks up on what Luke is doing, and his happiness and contentment, and vows, “I’ll destroy you, and her, and all of it.” This line clearly indicates that Kylo knows Rey is on Luke’s mind at this moment, further confirming that Rey and her well-being are among his final living thoughts.

Both Leia and Rey are shown reacting to Luke dying, while the film gives no indication at all that Kylo has sensed anything. It would be strange for a girl who knew Luke for a few days to feel his death while Luke’s own nephew, who had lived with Luke for years, did not, if there were no other connection between Rey and Luke. Rey tells Leia “Luke is gone”, but of course no one is ever really gone. When Rey left Luke, their relationship was in a very contentious place, and they received no closure before Luke died. Most stories make a point of resolving the conflict between protagonists prior to or during the climax of the third act. Often the resolution occurs in a touching way or otherwise serves as an emotional climax for the story, so the fact that this moment does not occur in TLJ has some interesting implications for what will happen in IX.

Conclusion

Overall, the effects of this interpretation are similar to those in our first Rey Skywalker theory. We still assume the same backstory for Luke, Rey, and their separation; and the emotional effect of their reunion is very similar. What differs is primarily Luke’s purpose in the narrative arc. Rather than serving to protect Rey from the knowledge of her heritage (thereby placing the story’s focus on the significance of the Skywalker identity), he plays a more personal role, placing the focus more on the emotional journeys of both father and daughter. This may not seem like a significant distinction, but it fundamentally shifts what we can expect in Episode IX.

A story where Luke knows who Rey is, and must protect her from the danger of her bloodline, requires a resolution focusing on identity. However, a story where both characters’ arcs are focused so strongly on their specific relationship, as opposed to them belonging to the same family, requires a conclusion focusing on the repairing and healing of their broken bond, more than on broader implications. There are arguments to be made for both these potential conclusions.

A conclusion rooted in the meaning of the family identity makes sense, given that the conflict between Rey and Kylo is a proxy for the dueling legacies of Anakin and Vader. At the same time, we’ve spent an entire film simply setting up the relationship between Luke and Rey. It stands to reason that the conclusion of their arcs will focus on resolving the antagonism that built up between them for the duration of The Last Jedi, a resolution that would be diluted by a focus on broader themes.

Regardless of which way the story goes, we expect that JJ will give a satisfying explanation for why Rey and Luke didn’t realize (or admit) they were father and daughter in IX, and we can’t wait to see what it is.

[nbhd-daily]

Jesse Rutherford’s Blonde Ambition

After seeing success as the lead singer of standout band The Neighbourhood, the 26-year-old So-Cal native decided it was time to try things on his own. &, Rutherford's first solo album, perfectly embodies the personality of the man who was born to be blonde. It's funny, poppy, loose yet precise, and more than anything, honest.

office met with Rutherford at his hotel in New York City a day before his flight back to California to perform in front of a sold out crowd alongside the band that helped him find his voice. Rutherford was open and reflective. He's as transparent as you'd hope any musician would be. He knows the key to success as a musician is being your best and most honest self at all times, all while making great music.

Interview by Khufu Najee

Photos by Mitchell Connell

I want to start off by saying I love the album.

Thank you.

I was in LA with my girlfriend when I first heard it and on that same morning, I actually dyed my hair blonde.

Yo (laughs). That’s sick.

True story.

So cool. It looks great, by the way.

Thank you, man. But that leads me to my first question. "Born To Be Blonde." What was the inspiration for that song? I know you were very specific about starting the album with that song. What went into that thought process?

The general statement just kinda means be whoever you wanna be. It’s just kind of a twist on how to say that or my particular way of saying it. I felt like it was a chance for me to be as stupid and as smart as I am — or as I think I might be — all in one go. I don’t know. It just kind of happened. It was a poem. It was a poem that I wrote while The Neighbourhood was recording our Wiped Out album. It was just a poem. I wrote it one day and or one night. I don’t even remember. I just know it was during that process cause I was blonde at that point and I was really psyched about it. It was just the way it made me feel I guess. Wrote it down. Maybe 75% of it came from that initial poem. The last 25% — the bridge and shit — was written in the studio as I was recording it. But I tried doing it a couple times. It was going to be a Neighbourhood song a long time ago. Nothing ever happened to it.

It’s very interesting how often I hear a good portion of songs that we hear on someone’s new album are actually old.

Yep. And that comes with age and with time. It’s crazy you say that cause I’ve thought about that a lot recently too and it’s given me a new hope with writing music because I probably have hundreds of songs that are not released and now I know sometimes I can go back in the fucking Rolodex. Oh okay. Wrote it in 2013. It’s 2018. Now they're ready for it. That’s how it goes sometimes.

You have to be ready to let it go.

You have to be on time. You can’t be early in this game. That doesn’t get you anywhere. At least from my experience. I feel like there have been moments where I’ve been like well I did that first and then something else happens and someone else does it. And maybe they did it at a better time. Maybe they had it more refined. Maybe it was better than the version I had. Or the type of song. Or the type of sound. Sometimes you gotta wait for the right time.

The 2014 mixtape with the band. Two features I want to ask about. You had Gerald and Kossisko. Two really good friends of mine.

Oh, you grew up in the bay?

Yeah, man.

Dope.

So, I’m curious. How did the Bay Area connection come about?

(Laughs).

It's always a good answer when they laugh before answering.

Well, Kossisko, 100s at the time, that was through our friend Matthew. Kirk, who has a label now, runs it with Matthew’s partner label.

What’s the label?

Bad Habits.

Okay.

And Matthew, he’s like my LA homie. He’s like my first LA friend. When I was like 19 trying to rap and putting my shit on the internet, he was the first dude from the city — cause I’m from the suburbs outside the city — he was like the first dude from the city to be like, yo, you’re tight, come hang out with me and my friends. And those friends ended up being 4e, who helped me produce the mixtape and then helping The Neighbourhood do our Wiped Out album. It was a long process. That was, you know, six or seven years ago. It was a while ago. I met Kossisko through him.

He’s a good dude, man.

Yeah, dude. He’s smooth too.

Staying on collaborations, on that same mixtape, you had Danny Seth. And I noticed on this new album, you had MD$, both of whom are big on the music scene in London. How did that connection come about?

Danny was also through Matthew.

Of course he was. Danny lived in LA for a bit, yeah?

Yeah, and Matthew was fucking with him for a minute. I could give you Matthew's number if you want (laughs). He’s in with everyone.

Collabs are important. How did you go about choosing who to work with on this album?

Well, I met Dylan Brady, who produced the majority of the project. I think I was playing a show and Kirk came out. Kirk met with Dylan. I think we were in St. Louis, where Dylan is from and he just walked in and I saw him. I know this may sound very surface but I basically just judged a book by the cover. Like, clothing and how you present yourself, matters. Dylan walked in and he just had this steez that I’d never seen before and I was like there’s something about this guy. Then I ended up hearing his music and it was so ambitious and unique and at the time I was trying to figure out how to find my own lane and find my own sound and do my solo thing. So we got in the studio together, we had a week in Paramount in LA, five days, and we ended up doing seven songs, and about four or five ended up on the record. It was a solid week for sure. He’s a great producer. He can really do anything. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever seen before. He’s a fucking machine, dude. He’s nonstop. Dylan kinda kicked it off. We started with this sound. I worked with Daytrip a couple times before when they were back in LA and we did a couple records but nothing that was my favorite. They were amazing doing what they do but I wasn’t pleased with what I was doing on the songs.

The mind of a perfectionist, man.

Right? But then they randomly sent me a 30-pack and I was like this is fun. So I went through them, picked ten that I liked, recorded on about four or five really quickly and two of them ended up being on the album. MD$, that was just another random session when they were in LA.

MD$ is fire, dude. That’s good music.

They make really good music.

London, for the most part, is known for Grime Rap. When you think rap in London, you think grime. But what they do isn’t grime. It’s so dope and so different.

Very musical.

Very musical. Absolutely. I really want to meet the dude.

He’s a mystery. You never saw him?

No.

He’s cool. He has a swag to him for sure.

How old were you when you decided on music?

I started playing drums when I was in the eighth grade. High school came around and I met this guy who became my buddy. I grew up in a suburb where it’s like hard core punk kinda shit and I just wanted to be a part of that. But my balls took forever to drop and finally when they did I started singing. Voice is still pretty high so they only dropped so far (laughs). But I would say around 17 is when I took it seriously.

And around that age is when you knew this was what you were going to do with your life?

Yeah. Especially once I stopped doing hard core and started making really bad pop rap. I had to start somewhere though (laughs). I’ve never really thought twice about thinking twice. This is all I’ve ever done. And luckily it’s worked. It’s always felt so good. It’s the only thing I’ve ever felt natural at. I’m not that great at video games. I’m not that great at fucking school, all the cliche shit that everybody says.

Knowing what you know now, what would you tell that younger self?

Don’t get those tattoos on your right arm (laughs). Save that real estate because you’re going to want some other shit some day. Maybe don’t get any of the tattoos so early. But 17 year old me, looking at 26 year old me, with like neck tattoos and shit, would be like "yo this guy is so sick what the fuck.” I know that really surface level but I think the boxes you in. If I’m in the whitely tatted lane, then okay. I did it to myself. Other than that, just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s working.

Are you familiar with the word synesthesia?

No.

It’s basically a condition, although I don’t know why they call it that cause it almost gives it a bad connotation. But, Lorde has it, Frank Ocean, few other artists. Basically, you can taste, smell, see colors, in ways other people can’t. It’s amazing.

Me and my team talk about that all time time. We try to relate things to colors when it comes to Neighbourhood music and my own music. We try and connect songs to seasons. Some songs always seem to fit with certain seasons. Day or night. That’s a big one.

Very true. I have music I only listen to at night time. Or when the sun isn’t shining.

That’s the struggle of being asked to play a festival, when you make night music, but they give you the noon slot. How do you like the sun, yo? Yeah, this dark ass song is going to sound great while this bright ass sun is turning my pasty skin bright red.

What color would you say your music is?

I feel like I have to just say rainbow because it has to be the opposite of rainbow because The Neighbourhood has always done the black and white thing. But I don’t know. I really do like yellow. I think yellow is a really cool color. And it doesn’t even have to be bright yellow. Just a nice warm yellow that kinda has some warmth to it.

I’m not going to ask you who your musical inspirations are cause I think that shit is corny as fuck but I am curious where do you draw inspiration from? Are you the kind of dude who has a movie playing on silent in the studio at all times?

No. I’m terrible at watching movies. I need to start watching more. I just started on Apocalypse Now.

Started. Didn’t finish?

Not yet. I’m about half-way through. It's a slow process for me. But inspiration… It’s funny cause I do like Spongebob (laughs) but I feel like a sponge. I just absorb a lot of shit around me. Sometimes I can’t even pinpoint it. It’s just like shit that’s coming at me. Between the different styles and sounds of music that I like and what’s fucking constantly stewing in my head. I just feel like I can do all these different types of music, so I need to do it. And sometimes I fail. And sometimes I think, from what I’ve seen from the internet and from what fans tell me, I think I nail it sometimes. With this project especially, the title alone, just using &. Calling it that left it open to anything. Cause you can’t just have that and nothing else. There has to be something before and something after and you know that. So that alone it’s just like, I’m a sucker for that kind of shit. I just love hooks. I want everything to be a hook. A photo, to a fucking pair of shoes, the title of something, hooks only. I did a book two years ago I called that. It’s a collection of photos I took with my friend, ended up turning it into a book. I’ve always called that book the Bible of Jesse. In that book, there’s no words. All pictures. Just me wearing a whole bunch of shit. It’s all over the place. But that’s how I felt. That’s who I am. I think a lot of people are like that. Especially young people. With the internet how are you just gonna be one thing in this shit?

You have to do everything. It’s the norm now.

You have to. Remember when Drake came out. And he was singing and rapping? People were confused. But now? You can’t not do that (laughs). It’s all that. Which is great. It’s fucking incredible. I feel like now more than ever music is ready for me. You know what I mean? And I’m ready for it. I don’t feel old, I just feel grown enough to just be like, oh yeah I can do all this shit. I’ve been doing this shit for years. It’s just about catching the right moment and knowing what to do. Last time I caught the moment I didn’t know how to hold onto it. I never know how it’s gonna work anymore. I never know what song is going to work. You said you love Barbie and Ken. I was terrified to put the song out because it’s so, so opposite to the character of Jesse Rutherford from The Neighbourhood is known for.

Well, that’s what a solo project should do, innit? Show that other side?

I think so. I hope so.

[hitchell-mope]

I’m so sorry

Descendants au with magic BUT all the parents are decent competent and normal (ie cruella ain’t a bitch) and there’s no isle of the lost. They’re also all rich

Mal (full name, Mallory Bertha toussaint jnr):

Has to go to auradon prep because of an incident at her old school (you know when you put things like pop rocks in fizzy drinks? Yeah she made that happen in the boys bathroom.) she still maintains it was because she was helping a friend. Has a thing about fairness. Doesn’t hesitate to call Audrey out on the way she treats ben. Get on her good side she’ll protect you with her life and then some (ben jay Carlos Evie doug dizzy gil). Make her mad you’ll never hear the end of it (Harry chad Audrey) otherwise she rather indifferent beside the occasional sarky comment (uma Jane Lonnie). Long purple hair normally down but in a hurry she ponytails it. She does not want to go to auradon prep but her mother is at her wits end and they’ve been blacklisted from the tutoring agencies (Mal kept biting them) magic is green and purple. Wiccan

Jay (last name, arahm):

Appeance is the same. He is not happy about sharing a room with Carlos. Kid freaks him out a little with his pretty obvious crush on him. And jay has the school hierarchy to think about. Carlos is a sophomore jays a junior. Those two are the only reason why jays resistant. There’s also the fact any girl or guy jay shows interest in is threatened with a spotted toothbrush. So his love lifes basically non existent. Carlos grows on him though. Jay dates mal for a time but they soon realise who they’re with the wrong people (he like Carlos she likes Ben). Magic is pure gold. Wizard

Evie (full name Evangeline grimes):

Mommy’s little princess. can do no wrong. A saint in human form. She may be one of the popular ones but she never uses it to get ahead in school just spends her time volunteering when not helping at the school boutique for free. Basically adopted dizzy the moment she saw the girl struggling to open her locker. Hairs a middling blue and reaches her waist. Never wears trousers only dresses and skirts. Piss her off she can end you with a look otherwise a perfect lady. Has a pretty transparent thing for band geek doug and the feeling is more than mutual. Magic is blue and black. Sorceress

Carlos de vil (middle name Oscar):

Again looks the same. Much more well adjusted cause here his mother’s nice and nurturing. He does have a vindictive streak in him though and is very possessive when he finds someone he likes (jay) being younger then the others makes him feel a little self conscious so he’s always trying to prove himself which leads to jay having to protect him (sneaking into a party underage and getting drunk. Stowing away in the boot of the car when ben mal and jay skip class to go to the mall) not as flamboyant as harry cause let’s face it no one is. But yeah he’s gay. Has a thing for fur lined coats. If it weren’t for the fact he’s very obsessed over jay you wouldn’t be able tell. Gets very upset when he finds out mal and jay are a thing. And I mean curls up into a ball covered in blankets upset. Magics black and white. Wizard

Ben (full name Benjamin florian Bach):

World does not deserve him. Really it doesn’t. He is a male version of Evie. Is the biggest devie shipper. Innocent but not naive. Instantly drawn to mal. Attracted to her eyes most of all. Grown rather tired of Audrey and chad. So when jay offers him a seat at jay mal and Evie’s table doesn’t think twice. Must be protected at all costs. Would do anything for anyone within reason. He’s even nice to the assholes (harry cause ben can see how much the birate cares for uma and gil). Dad has a massive share hold in the school so everyone treats him like a prince and you’re damned if you think he doesn’t live up to the nickname. That said he does know when to cut loose (he’s the one to convince mal and jay to skip class). Magics royal blue. Warlock

Doug (full name Douglas Meyer ):

Member of the prominent Meyer Diamond mine family. Nice but has his limits. Utterly worships Evie. Band geek and is damn well proud of it thank you very much. Works in the boutique to be self sustaining cause he doesn’t want to rely on his family’s money 100%. Magics leaf green. Sorcerer

Dizzy (full name Desiree Tremaine):

Pure sunshine. Hurt her and you’ll have Evie rain down the seven circles of hell on you. Her family actually owns the boutique. They’re a very successful tailoring company. Magics mint green. Budding sorceress

Uma (full name uma Danes)

Unquestionably the boss of harry and Gil. Both are utterly devoted to her. She’s a teensy bit like mal in that she’s a natural leader and terrifying when pissed of. Hurt her boys you’ll have her to answer to. Always at loggerheads with Audrey. Both are competing for the queen bee position at a he school. Everyone prefers Uma over Audrey though. Magics turquoise. Sorceress

Harry (full name harry hook):

Doesn’t give two shits about gender norms. If he wants he’ll wear the fanciest dress he can get his hands on. Make ups not as good as Evie’s but considering he’s half drunk most of the time it’s ok. Definitely the one to sneak booze into class. Uma always magics it to lost and found. If he could he’s gladly sashay into hell kill Satan and give the throne to uma. Never misses Gils wrestling practices. Psychotic. Thinks it’s a good idea to pick a fight mal on her first day just cause he’s bored. Needless to say she wins. (Think a mcu fight scene if Natasha and Wanda were one person. That’s how mal fights) She would have killed him if jay and uma hadn’t butted in even as jay pulls her away mal gets a few well aimed kicks in on his teeth. Magics blood red. Sorcerer

Gil (full name gillman legume)

NEVER call him gillman. Other than that he’s Winnie the Pooh in the body of the hulk. So. Damn. Innocent. Once accidentally stepped on an ant hill and cried for the rest of the day. Uma and harry has to buy him an ant farm so he’s calm down. Polite but give him enough malt liquor and his language makes harry blush. Always greets people with a massive hug. Which helps cause he and ben are the welcoming committee. Mal isn’t very accommodating to it though. (Doesn’t help that it’s the benign version of a sneak attack). She reacts badly and that’s what makes harry want to fight her. Gil doesn’t mind though and asks her next time. Like dizzy he’s pure sunshine and like ben the world doesn’t deserve him. Magics bright yellow. Gifted but underconfident sorcerer

Chad (full name chad channning):

Bastard coated bastard with bastard filling. Douche canoe. Bigot. On jay and humas hit list. Never call jay Carlos Harry or Gil the “f-a” word EVER. He’s the human personification of “talk shit get hit”. Which is rather a shame cause his parents are some of the nicest people you could ever meet. The only one he ever shows any semblance of decency to is his cousin dizzy. He has or Evie will gut him like a fish Audrey ben and chad have known each other for years so him and Audrey are very territorial of ben and do not like it when he tries to split off from their little bubble. Magics powder blue. Inept mage

Audrey (full name Audrey briar)

Would be alpha bitch. Thinks she’s all that but she’s not. Has a rivalry with Mal and uma. Mal cause Audrey’s unbearably perky and their parents have been trying to make them get along since they were kids. Uma because Audrey likes to be in control of everyone and everything and people don’t like her but they like Uma. Sickeningly possessesive of ben it comes to a head at the Halloween party where she cannot take no for an answer and mal ends up punching her out after she warned Audrey that “no means no so sling your hook or I’ll break your face” Audrey didn’t so mal did. Quite fitting really mal was dressesd as scarlet witch and Audrey was dressed as lorelai from agents of shield (look up the episode yes men. Harrowing). What’s more is Ben wouldn’t ever break up with her because he’s far too nice and he just wanted to sit down but no he HAD to dance with her cause she said and mal has that thing about fairness and ben did say no thank you so...... Magics pastel pink. Witch

Lonnie (full name li Lonnie):

Wrestling captain. Badass. Mother Hen. Basically just wants best for everyone. bens biggest supporter. They have a sibling like relationship. Bit like jay and Evie and jay and mal once they break up. Does not like Audrey and doesn’t even try to hide it but ben gives people the benefit of the doubt and he just wants everyone to be happy. (Like I said the world does not deserve him). Was prepared to go in to mama bear mode before Mal got there first. Gives mal the “if you ever do anything to hurt them” speech mal says Lonnie has nothing to worry about. Once Carlos has chilled out a little bit she start dropping (not at all subtle) hints to jay that he and Carlos look cute together. Magics emerald green. Wiccan

Jane (full name Jane Dubois)

Has a perpetual deer in the headlights look. Ball of nerves. Nice to everyone but the sentiment isn’t returned cause they don’t really trust her seeing as her mother’s the headmistress. Has absolutely no gaydar. Seriously she thinks HARRYS straight. With Carlos it’s at least slightly more forgivable apart from the fact he’s never shown interest in any girl whatsoever. Poor girl thinks she has a chance when everyone can see he’s mooning over jay. Paralysingly scared of uma and harry (wouldn’t you be). Thinks she’s ugly but really just has a case of the sad eyes and an unflattering haircut which grows out over the year. Magic is periwinkle blue and volatile because she doesn’t trust it. Would be sorceress

So let’s see now

Ben took mal and jay to the mall just cause he felt like it (he knows how to have fun) but Carlos snuck along in the trunk. Lo and behold ben somehow chose one of the 10 malls mals banned from. So notorious she knows all the guards by name (her favourite is Irvin) they manage to evade him till they get to around the middle of the building. That’s when rotten to the core happens flash mob style. Mostly sang by mal and jay. And it’s rather affectionate. And it tears up ben and Carlos inside. They manage to escape and get back to the car mal and jay absolutely tickled pink ben laughing weakly and Carlos with red rimmed eyes. Then they get caught sneaking back in to the school by Verna Dubois Jane’s mother the principal. She is very disappointed Ben jay and Carlos have never had an infarction before and mal has only been there for a month (maljay has been a thing for about a week and a half and they are very much in the honeymoon period). Mals ready to take the blame but Ben won’t hear of it and insists Verna put him and only him in detention seeing as it WAS his idea and males already had a black mark on her record (her nearly killing Harry for trying to kill her on her first day) and another one won’t be good for her personally. Ever the shining knight isn’t he? The only thing verna feels she can do is put all four in the Klink. And joy of joys(!) chad and Harry are there too. Chad as it turns out just cannot keep his bigoted opinions to himself so harry decided to have some “fun” with chad in the halls (read violently and graphically tearing channings limbs apart in full view of the student body). Harry doesn’t even care there’s blood on his clothes so long as he’s defended his boy.

Halloween and Carlos’s tipping point

The party’s only for juniors and seniors so Carlos being a sophomore sneaks in and gets absolutely whammed I mean blackout drunk by the time jay mal and Evie get there (dressed as winter soldier scarlet witch and black widow respectively, Carlos is quicksilver). Carlos thinks it’s a nice surprise for jay cause he knows mal and jay broke up the week before (they’re not who each other want. Mal wants ben jay is developing an interest in Carlos though not for much longer in jays case). So he sees jay walking towards him but doesn’t register the pissed off look on jays face so he takes what he thinks is initiative and tries to kiss the taller boy. And doesn’t understand what’s wrong when jay pulls away and starts yelling at him about how embarrassing it is to have Carlos following him around like a shadow. How annoying it is to have to protect Carlos from himself (the mall the party). How humiliating it is for his dates to be scared off by a kid who’s younger than him. This goes on for some time and through it all carlos is getting more and more scared and desperate to keep jay by his side, clutching at him trying to make jay love him. It culminated in jay just pushing Carlos away from him and the smaller boy crashes into the drinks table so now he’s heartbroken and drenched in booze. Jay can’t believe he did that and tries to apologise but Carlos teleports back to their dorm in tears

Meanwhile mals been sitting down reading her mothers new spell book (Mallory snr gave it to her as a security type thing so she would t be as a nervous of the new school) when ben just flops down next to her tired from dancing. They strike up a conversation ranging from books to music and the like. This rubs Audrey the wrong way and she decides that Ben has rested enough and goes over to them demanding him to dance with her (well she didn’t use that exact tone but everyone in the vicinity knew what she meant) ben politely declines because he isn’t gonna up and leave mal in the middle of their talk (like I said the world doesn’t deserve him) Audrey takes no heed and carries on trying to physically pull ben away. This sets Mal off who says “hey Aud no means no so sling your hook or I’ll break your face” Audrey doesn’t believe her and tells the “neon gutter trash” to butt out because he is Audrey’s not mals. This sets mal off and she goes on the humans aren’t property speech Audrey has no idea what she’s talking about cause all she knows is bens the best and Audrey believes she deserves the best. Mal tries to make her see another point of view by doing that first thing that pops into your head thing. When Audrey looks at ben the first thing she thinks of status. Compared to what mal sees which is a wonderful brilliant person who deserves only good things and deserves to be as far away from Audrey’s bullshit as humanely possible because Audrey doesn’t deserve him no one does. Audrey doesn’t listen and tries to physically drag ben with her. That’s when mal punches her in the face after all mal did say “sling your hook or I’ll break your face”. It’s then ben and mal realise they’ve gathered a crowd Uma Harry and Lonnie are all laughing their guts out (no one likes Audrey). Mal apologies to ben and hightails it out of there. Ben manages to catch up with her outside the girls dorm building. This is when my girlfriend sucks happens. They almost kiss but mal knows ben hasn’t officially broke up with Audrey and she is not going to be the other woman no matter how much she hates briar

Next day at lunch mal tracks down Lonnie and says SHE almost kissed ben (doesn’t want to to put the blame on Ben)

[scotianostra]

Today in Scottish history, 13th August 1888, John Logie Baird, inventor of the first television, was born in Helensburgh.

On a day that looks quiet for anniversaries, thank god for John Logie Baird, a post I could get my teeth into!

We all know what he is famous for so I thought I would give more details about his life and other inventions from this very influential Scot. I will delve into his memoirs as he describes his ventures himself.......

When World War I began in 1914 Baird tried to join the Army, but was unfit. So he worked in a factory. He did not like it, and felt sorry for factory workers. He went into business on his own, hoping to get rich.Baird sold medicines. He invented a shaving razor made of glass (so it would not rust).

He also knew that the trenches of WW1 meant soldiers were constantly in muddy and wet conditions. They could not change their socks as often as they would like and this led to an infection known as "trench foot". If it was left untreated it could result in amputation. So he "invented" the Baird Undersock, which promised to keep the feet of soldiers in perfect health.

His marketing of the product contained what he claimed to be "testimonials" from soldiers serving on the western front. One from Corporal H.G. Roberts said: "I find the Baird Undersocks keep my feet in splendid condition out here in France. Foot trouble is one of our worst enemies, but, thanks to the Baird Undersock, mine are in the 'pink', and I think they should be supplied to all soldiers." The product was so successful that it allowed him to give up his job as assistant mains engineer, supervising the repair of electrical breakdowns for the Clyde Valley Electric Power Company.

It was a job he described in his memoirs as "sordid miserable work, punctuated by repeated colds and influenza". He was also dabbling in electronics, he once  he attempted to produce artificial diamonds by passing an enormous current through a stick of graphite!

In his memoirs he wrote

"Diamonds are created in nature by subjecting carbon to a very high pressure and a very high temperature. I thought I might get these conditions artificially by electrically exploding a rod of carbon embedded in concrete. I got a thick carbon bar and filed it down into a thin rod in the centre, then I attached a wire to each end and embedded the whole thing in a large iron pot. I connected the wires to a switch which, when closed, put them straight across the power station bus bars. My idea was to pass a stupendous sudden current through the carbon so as to generate enormous heat and pressure. I chose a good time and then, when no-one was about, closed the switch. There was a dull thud from the pot, a cloud of smoke, and then the main current breaker tripped and the whole of the power supply went off. I had anticipated this and soon got it going again, but I did not get my wires away quickly enough and unpleasant explanations followed. Thereafter I was regarded as a dangerous character and, in the general unpleasantness, I forgot about the pot and it disappeared. Perhaps it is today lying in some forgotten rubbish heap, a pot of cement with priceless diamonds embedded in it."

His sock business was doing very well. It was booming but it was a one-man business and when he disappeared for six weeks the business disappeared too. The reason was he was once again hit with one of his very bad colds so he just closed it down at that point and discovered that at the end of the day he had got something like £1,600 in the bank.

He was not a fit man and his doctor told him he needed sunshine. So Baird went to the island of Trinidad in the Caribbean. He started a factory making jam and pickles! People passing Baird’s house were puzzled. What were those strange flashing lights? Baird was busy with experiments. He was trying to send pictures through the air!

In 1923, he moved back to the UK, he still had all these ideas in his head and a work ethic that made him want to succeed in business, his next venture was making soap, I say soap, but it was a very cheap version of it and wasn't very good, with the soap came other cleaning solutions for around the home, again I delve into his memoirs where he write.....

"One day a very vulgar and ferociously angry woman banged her way into the office. She carried a small infant, pulled its clothes over its head and thrust a raw and inflamed posterior into my face. The poor child looked like a boiled lobster. The wretched woman had washed the infant in a strong solution of "Baird's Speedy Cleaner". I calmed her down and pointed out that the Speedy Cleaner was a powerful scouring soap for floors and ship decks, and not a toilet soap for infants."

Again came  ill-health, he sold businesses and moved to Hastings coughing, choking and spluttering, and so thin as to be almost transparent [Ref 2, page 44]. He concluded that he needed to invent something. Glass razor blades were a possibility, but his experiments resulted in a badly cut face. He also considered pneumatic-soled shoes.

"I got a pair of very large boots, and put inside them two partially inflated balloons, and then very carefully inserted my feet, laced up the boots and set off on a short trial run. I walked a hundred yards in a succession of drunken and uncontrollable lurches followed by a few delighted urchins, till the demonstration was brought to an end by one of my tyres bursting"

One day he wrote to a friend, ‘I have invented a means of seeing by wireless [radio]’. His friend said, 'stick to soap’! But Baird had always dreamed of creating a television, this was no easy feat as he didn't have any sponsors and so had little cash to try and invent one. So, he scrounged whatever material he could find. Everything from glue to string to cardboard to even a bicycle lamp to create the very first TV. It wasn't without its failures though, as you would expect, to succeed with television he realised that more light was essential. He tried to produce this by wiring up a network of batteries. This led to a 2000 volt electrocution and explosion, which could have cost him his life, he wrote......

"The next day I bought several hundred flash lamp batteries and began to realise my dream of a 2000 volt power supply, by joining sufficient dry batteries end to end - a formidable task. Some days later I had finished this and was connecting the supply to some part of the cobweb of wiring when my attention wandered and I received the full force of the 2000 volts through my hands. It was amply sufficient to cause death, but I was lucky, for a few seconds I was twisted into a knot in helpless agony and then fortunately fell over backwards, breaking the circuit and saving my life. But I shall never forget the agony of those few seconds. Electrocution must be a terrible death."

Not surprisingly, this led to eviction by his landlord and a return to London to 22 Frith Street, Soho in November that year he tried to drum up some publicity for his idea of the Television, he managed to get a meeting with the Daily Express newspaper.......

"After a short delay I was ushered into a small room and the editor (at least I thought it was the editor) came hurrying to see me. "Are you interested in a machine for television - seeing by wireless?" I said. "Seeing by wireless?" said the "editor", a little taken aback. "Oh yes," said I, "an apparatus that will let you see the people who are being broadcast by the BBC or speaking on the telephone." "Astounding," said the gentleman, "I am very busy at a meeting, but I'll get one of my colleagues to take the story, very interesting," and he vanished out of the door.

In a few minutes a large brawny individual came in, listened sympathetically and with great interest to my tale, assured me that it was a first call story and advised me to be sure to get a copy of next day's Express, where I would get a first class show on the front page. And so with a cordial handshake he saw me off the premises.

Nothing whatever appeared in the Express and it was only some years after that I got the inside story from the brawny individual himself. The day I called he was sitting in the press room when one of the assistant editors came running in. "For God's sake, Jackson, go down to the reception room and get rid of a lunatic who is there. He says he's got a machine for seeing by wireless. Watch him carefully, he may have a razor hidden."

In 1924, Baird successfully transmitted flickering images of a Maltese cross for a distance of about 10 feet. He now knew his idea would work and on 2nd October, 1925 - success!

"Funds were going down, the situation was becoming desperate and we were down to our last £30 when at last, one Friday in the first week of October 1925, everything functioned properly. The image of the dummy's head [Stooky Bill] formed itself on the screen with what appeared to me almost unbelievable clarity. I had got it! I could scarcely believe my eyes and felt myself shaking with excitement.

I ran down the little flight of stairs to Mr Cross's office and seized by the arm his office boy William Taynton, hauled him upstairs and put him in front of the transmitter. I then went to the receiver only to find the screen a blank. William did not like the lights and the whirring discs and had withdrawn out of range. I gave him half a crown and pushed his head into position. This time he came through and on the screen I saw the flickering but clearly recognisable image of William's face - the first face seen by television - and he had to be bribed with half a crown for the privilege of achieving this distinction"

The world's first television broadcast!

The next year, Baird transmitted sound and images over 400 miles, from Glasgow to London, a remarkable feat! In 1928 the pictures were sent all the way to the USA, a feat many believe only became possible when satellites started being sent above the Earth 30 years later, the same year Baird gave us the world's first colour television pictures, again, many think this was a more modern innovation.

He looked west and in 1931 sailed to the USA, writing as the ship neared its destination...

"As the boat approached New York harbour I was surprised to see on the Pier a body of Highland pipers marching up and down with great elan to the skirl of the pipes. These wretched men proved to be a gang of comic opera pipers from the Ziegfield Follies. A misguided but enthusiastic American publicity agent had arranged to give me a real Scottish reception."

His many other inventions were in fields such as radar, fibre optics, and infrared night viewing.

Today Australian TV awards are called Logies in his honour.  

He was, simply,  one of Scotland’s greatest engineers.

You can read the whole timeline on this PDF with more snippets from Bairds own memoirs http://www.helensburgh-heritage.co.uk/pdfs/John_Logie_Baird_A_Life.pdf

[megers67]

Incredibles 2: Alternate Plot

I've been mulling it over the past few days and I was a bit disappointed with Incredibles 2. At first I thought that it was because it seemed like two potentially really interesting themes were introduced but not expanded upon, but I realized that both of these have the same root cause. Since there are obvious spoilers I’ll put the rest under the cut.

The movie is set up to be about accountability and the unintended consequences of doing hero work in the public eye, but they never really explore it at all. They kind of introduce this both in the material damage that heoric actions cause and from Evelyn’s/Screen Slaver’s monologues, but these are never really resolved. The supers are made legal again with no acknowledgement on how to deal with the collateral damage that would inevitably occur. You know, the entire reason that the supers were outlawed in the first place? And as far as Evelyn’s points goes... those were never really addressed either. There’s not really any reaction to what she’s saying. Nobody agrees but nobody refutes it either. They thwart her plans to kill all the ambassadors in a very public manner, but they don’t address why she did what she did. The characters aren’t given any time to respond so we never get a closure as to why we’re supposed to think she’s bad other than her direct actions (which ARE very heinous to be sure).

In other words, the reasons for not having supers are brushed aside, which is strange in a movie where the plot centers around advocating for the return of supers. Why aren’t these very real concerns not addressed by the protagonists? These issues are brushed aside. They aren’t going to just go away, especially the collateral damage aspect. I mean, when the yacht almost ran into the city, it actually damaged the pier and the road just beyond it. That’s got some major costs attached to it. That doesn’t just go away now that we decide we like supers again. You would think they’d come up with ways to reduce collateral damage or come up with a plan for it as a compromise. Some sort of accountability thing. Maybe property managers would start offering super insurance for high-risk areas like there are for earthquakes or other things like that. But we don’t get anything like that. 

So I'm going to propose an alternate plot for Incredibles 2 that would address it through the other two themes that I thought of before: body cams on police and publicly coming out. Would it be appropriate for a kid’s movie? I don’t know. Would it fit in an acceptable run time for a movie? No clue. But the fact that Zootopia handled something as heavy as racism so well gives enough precedent for me here. 

Body Cam Plot:

The movie starts off as it did and is the same all the way through getting the cameras in their suits. Elastigirl is chosen to be the first, the public would now be able to see from her perspective so they can see how she makes her decisions to do what she does, yes yes yes. My version then starts to differ when it comes to the first mission. It doesn’t go as perfectly as planned. There are a couple of casualties. Not as big as Mr. Incredible would have done, and it’s mostly clean and she’s successful in stopping the train, but in the course of the chase, she inadvertently causes some accidents leading to injuries and property damage. The footage shown to the public however is an edited version that shows Elastigirl in her best light. She at first doesn’t see anything amiss because that is more or less how she remembers it going down as well. But during the interview, Screen Slaver shows clips that were edited out of the original. A couple of questionable decisions and also footage of the negative consequences of what Elastigirl did. Over this is the Screen Slaver’s monologue about the over-reliance on supers because it is convenient and that it ignores reality. 

Then she captures the fake Screen Slaver and the celebration that follows is also largely the same. But instead of figuring it out on her own, Screen Slaver makes another appearance to gloat that they weren’t really captured and that she caused the arrest of an innocent without due process. Elastigirl does figure out that it’s Evelyn, but too late to keep from getting hypnotized herself. The action largely unfolds as it did in the original movie as it did before. Except this time, the footage that Evelyn recorder is released to the public unedited, leaving the public to decide for themselves whether supers are worth it. The conclusion of the movie would be to work together with supers in some sort of compromise so that the populace can feel safe (for example, being transparent, perhaps having training facilities so that supers can learn how to better handle situations, etc.). It doesn’t really matter here what the compromises are, except that it will make both sides happy and safe.

Coming Out Subplot:

Another major plot point would focus on coming out, akin to the queer experience. I hope I wasn’t the only one who saw the super hero team that Elastigirl meets as queer-coded, especially Voyd, Helectix, and Brick. I was disappointed they didn’t go further with this, especially in conjunction with the suit cameras. So here’s my subplot. 

First of all, Tony’s memory isn’t wiped. Perhaps Dicker was kicked out before he could actually do it. So he’s struggling with coming to terms with it and doesn’t go to the date, standing Violet up. She’s understandably upset by this. But the problems get worse. Screen Slaver, as part of the reveal of the negative footage also shows footage of Elastigirl’s true identity, forcibly outing her as well. Luckily the rest of Helen’s family had to move since their house burned down which means that the media doesn’t know where they are yet so they are able to stay out of the limelight for most of this? Not sure. 

This means that Helen/Elastigirl must now contend with the clashing of her two worlds, especially since Dicker isn’t there to hold the public back. She takes the opportunity to talk about how she is who she is and while she never chose to have powers, she did choose to use them for good and be a super. THIS is what inspires the wannabe supers to come out on their own. We even have those lines from Voyd that really fit well here.

Hi, my super hero name is Voyd. I just want to thank you for like... for being you! [She shows her powers to Helen] I felt like an outcast. Before. But now with you being you, I feel like... yay me.

If that isn’t a coming out as queer kind of line, IDK WHAT IS. The revelations from this subplot would merge with the larger plot on accountability and how supers aren’t necessarily good or bad, but they’re PEOPLE. Like everyone else. Just ones that have been given powers that make them different from the norm. They didn’t choose to have them, but what they do with them IS their choice. From this angle, Violet’s rage at being outed against her will, which makes her hate being super as a result has more meaning. The whole situation isn’t in her hands and she has no control over it. She wouldn’t have to deal with this if she weren’t super. Especially hard as a teenager. This would culminate in her and Tony having a talk after Tony has calmed down enough to think things through and give it a shot. It’s hard to process, but he should be a good guy about it in the end. When the whole family is going to the movie theater and the car of criminals drives by, in my version, Tony gets out of the car himself and then OFFERS to get the tickets and save Violet a seat while she goes take care of things with her family. I think that will be a better end for a new reality. 

Well, now I’m disappointed that this version of Incredibles 2 didn’t happen, but ah well. Hopefully someone gets enjoyment out of reading this version.