#also love the hell out of you by lewis capaldi

[itskaitsart]

when you’re both field agents and happen to be in love

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Until Forever -P.G

The long awaited second part of "SINCE FOREVER" is here now! HOPE YOU LIKE THIS, FEEDBACK IS APPREACIATED!

Read part 3 here!

Songs I listened to: Me, Myself and I - 5SOS, Lie To Me - 5SOS, Forever - Lewis Capaldi, Bruises - Lewis Capaldi, I Love You - Little Mix, Nobody Like You - Little Mix, Only You - Little Mix, What I Put You Through - Conor Maynard, Over Again - One Direction, De Marzo a Junio - Gonza Silva, All In - Here at Last, Airplanes - B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams, Impossible - Shontelle, Diamonds - Rihanna, Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood, Yellow - Coldplay, Too Good At Goodbyes - Sam Smith and Sin Señal - Quevedo.

Warnings: Angst, the long lenght this fic has is killing☠️... Part 3?

Summary: You are moving on from your mistake meanwhile Pablo is realizing his own.

January, 2023

It has been four months since that day. Four months which you haven’t seen Pablo. Four months of misery for you. And also for him.

When you left his apartment that day, a sickening feeling got into his stomach and it didn’t go away with anything he tried, his hands were shaking and his mind was running wild. He couldn’t concentrate on anything besides you, your confession, your sad expression and your leaving.

He knew that you asked him for time. But he couldn’t give that to you. He wanted you to know he still had you present in his life and hoping that you had him on yours too. And you sadly did.

You were absolutely a wreck for the first month. Not going outside unless it was for grocery shopping and Uni. Until the second month arrived.

Pedri, who had been your personal cheerleader, picked you up one day, got you a nice outfit and made you get in it, for you to go out with him in a friendly date where Ansu and Balde, joined you and ate everything they normally couldn’t or wouldn’t, because of their diet, but they decided than seeing you happy and like your old self was worth some calories more.

He even made you change Gavi’s contact name on your phone, to help your process get quicker and made you forget about his constant texting.

From that moment on, you started going out, you missed having a good time with the people you loved, with your friends and family, and not necessarily accompanied of Pedri, you went out with your girl friends, you Uni group, groups from other degrees at your Uni that you were close with. You were back.

Of course, you missed him. Terribly. Often at nights, you would scroll down on his messages and see what updates he has been giving you

Pablo Páez Ansu fell on his butt today, you would’ve laughed your ass off

Pablo Páez I made a happy salad *Photo* I hope you’re doing good, I’ve been better…

Pablo Páez Xavi keeps asking for you to tie my shoelaces, he keeps saying I don’t know how to do them

Pablo Páez Practice went well

Pablo Páez I just ate a kilo of bananas.  I won’t die, right?

Pablo Páez It’ll sound impressive but I just won Pedri on FIFA. Your gaming lessons paid off Now, I have to try and win you. He told me you were doing fine and I’m glad. I can’t wait for us to reconnect again

Pablo Páez De Jong said he missed having you around on practice I agreeded with him

Pablo Páez Pedri just ate his banana from the bottom to the top, you’re gonna kill him?

And many more of those but still, you choosed not to reply any of them, only really “talking” to him when the World Cup started, when he scored his first goal during it and when they lost against Morocco also you had texted him on Christmas and New Years.

Other times? You were ghosting him.

It was hell for him.

The first month of you doing that, for Pablo it was horrible. He couldn’t concentrate at practices; he messed up great plays, the passes weren’t precise, at games he was angrier and aggressive than usual, he wanted desperately for you to talk to him, Pedri tried to talk him out of it but the youngster snapped at his best male friend.  Only to come back to him a few minutes later apologizing.

Pablo thought that with time he could get over it, but no. Four months after and you were still on his mind and the anxious feeling was bigger and bigger on his chest.

He started to realize something, he felt awful, destroyed, sad and was mad at himself, he cried and cried to sleep that day for being too stupid and idiot to realize it

Yes, during WC, he had mastered a way of concentrating at practices and games but you were still on his mind. Always.

He was extremely angry, disappointed and sad to hear that you wouldn’t be there with him at his first WC, but still understood, already imagining the rest of his performances where you would be there cheering on for him and only him, the loudest as you have always have done.

In your defense, you did try your best but Uni got up to you and you weren’t done by the time it started, you couldn’t leave Spain even if you tried your best.

But, you haven’t properly seen each other since that day. And it was the first time you were going to. In Arabia Saudi for La Supercopa España, the Clásico. Barcelona vs. Madrid.

Pedri had invited you to come and you being a culer and the greatest friend, didn’t waste any time and asked permission from your parents to fly with the González.

“Is Samuel coming too?” Pedri asked with a cheeky smile

“¡Cállate!” He laughed seeing you blush

Samuel, is one of the guys that attends to your Uni but he’s doing a different degree than yours. During the last weeks of November and the first’s ones of December he had been asking you to hang out alone and you accepted. You definitely liked him.

He was cute, really cute and pretty. He had light green eye color, he was one head taller than you, blonde wavy haired and he had the most beautiful dimples at both sides of his smile; he was careful, paid attention to your needs, to whatever you were saying and remembered the smallest things you said randomly, he was funny and he never failed to amaze you.

But still, he wasn’t Pablo.

“Pedri, no lo sé” You had said

“This is your chance. It’s not like you might end up married to him anyway! Or you will… Who knows? Don't take it as a rebound kind-of thing. But maybe you can forget about Pablo, reconnect your friendship and at the same time have a lovely relationship with a guy who’s clearly into you”

And that’s how you started dating Samuel. And that’s also how you got into the present day.

“But you know he will” You spoke

“Gotta start making up the whole ‘Older-brother’ talk thing”

“Please, don’t scare him away. He’s really nice, I like him” You immediately said making Pedri laugh out loud while shaking his head a little. When a message pulled up in your screen.

Pablo Páez Are you coming to the Supercopa España? I know we aren’t in the best terms but I would love to see my favorite girl cheering for me on a live game… It’s been a while since you’ve done that.

“What’s up?”

“Pablo’s asking me if I’m going to the Supercopa” You said showing the message to Pedri who had been playing FIFA with you for about an hour ago

Pedri shrugged his shoulders “You wanna tell him?”

“I wanna surprise him” Silence filled the room

“You know even if he tries to hide it” Pedri started “, he’s not doing fine. He misses you a lot. A whole lot” You sighed

“I miss him too” You nodded sadly “I shouldn’t have said anything”

“No. You should have and you did. Feelings are the best when they’re being let out”

“But at what cost? I ruined my friendship with him and it’s not something you can easily go at it again. It’ll take me so much time to forget about those feelings I have for Pablo, Pedri. Maybe he feels guilty, awkward, I don't know... It’ll take a lot of time of being at that level we were once. You know it. I know it. Hell, even Pablo knows it. But it’s too hard being all in one day and suddenly stop being there”

“But you will do” Pedri said putting a hand on your thigh “I fully believe you will get, both of you, your feelings straight and keep on with that beautiful friendship you both have” Pedri nodded smiling lightly “I still think he’s in love with you but hasn’t realized”

“I still don’t think he is but who cares now?” You shrugged your shoulders  

“I’m just afraid he’ll realize it when it’s too late to try anything” Your eyes moved to Pedri’s as you both stared at each other in silence

“If” You start pausing to take a deep breath “If he does have feelings for me” You said slowly “I hope he realizes them quickly” Your phone dinged once more making you part your eyes from Pedri

A light smile made its way to your face seeing Samuel’s name pop up on your screen

Samu✨💖 Walking down the street, I saw a cute puppy. It reminded me of Aladdin, hope he’s feeling better. PS: I got him some treats for tomorrow when I see him. And don’t worry, I also got you a little present, couldn’t forget about you.

You sighed watching those two names on your home screen “Because I’m really liking Samuel and it’ll be hard for Pablo if I move on”

“Hard as in?”

“As in completely erasing myself from his life for a long and indeterminate amount of time, until I’m entirely happy and healed” Your eyes locked with Pedri’s as both of you sighed

“Do whatever you feel better doing, bonita” Pedri said slowly and in a low tone “Just know I’m gonna be here for you, always”

________

“Y/N!” Belén, Pablo’s mom said making you turn your head towards her with a smile on your face

“Belén!” You exclaimed happy to see the olderly woman approaching her to hug her tightly

“¡Que te has desaparecido, niña!” (It’s been a while, baby!) You laughed lightly

“I know” You whine “Y lo siento muchísimo. Es que he estado un poco ocupada con mis cosas en la Uni, Pablo ha estado ocupado en los entrenos y no hemos tenido mucho tiempo juntos desde hace un tiempito” (And I’m truly sorry. I’ve been so busy with College, Pablo has been busy with trainings and we haven’t spend time together in a while) You tried to come up with a little lie but you knew better

“I know that. Pablo told me what happened” You sighed a little “It must have been really hard for you, my dear”

“A lot” You whispered sadly “I just thought… For a second, he would feel the same”

“We thought so too. You acted like a couple. Pablo, Aurora and I actually thought you were already together” You smiled sadly at the thought of that “How’d you handled it?”

“Pretty bad in the first month but Pedri dragged me out of my house and I’ve slowly come back into what I was” She smiled grabbing your hand “And Pablito?”

She sighed “I think Pedri must have told you, hadn’t he?” You nodded lightly “He still isn’t taking it too well. Sometimes I catch him looking through your photos together” You sighed feeling bad for your best friend “He was way too moody during the World Cup”

“I can only imagine” You both laughed lightly “I was busy with Uni, it wasn’t a lie” You began “… But I also wasn’t ready to face him; I mean… I’m barely starting to get over him with a very few baby steps. Pedri invited me but I came here to surprise him actually, he doesn’t know I’m here, I told him I would try and do my best to come and I can sense he got angry at me. I have never missed one of his matches and to miss all these…”

“It took a toll on him” She ended as you nod lightly

“I do miss him a lot and besides everything I don’t want him to think we’re done. Because we aren’t. I just need myself time” You explained “And I wanna start making things right, he doesn’t love me” You said laughing without humor “And I’ve got to accept that even if I don’t like to. But that doesn’t mean I won’t stop being there for him. And I’m here to prove that to him. I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend but I’m not quitting on our friendship”

Belén said nothing but hug you tightly “Pablo does love you, dear”

“Not in the way I would love him to”

“There’s no one better for him than you” You shook your head disagreeing with her

“I’m not his person, Belén” And with that you broke the hug

“He hasn’t realized”

You were tired of hearing that.

“And I don’t think he will because I’m just not it for him. I cannot force him. He may be sad at the fact I was in love with him, that he broke me unconsciously and that he might lose me as his best friend but he doesn’t see me like that”

“Y/N” She began when you felt an arm wrap around your waist, you turn around to face Samuel with two water bottles

“Me he perdido de regreso. Todo se ve azul, rojo y blanco” (I got lost on my way back. Everything is blue, red and white colors) You laugh lightly accepting the water

“Thank you so much, Samu” You kissed his cheek, right on where his dimples show making him, pull you closer to him.

“Disculpa, ¿Interrumpí algo?” (I’m sorry, I interrupted something?) He asked feeling a bit guilty

You turned to Belén who was looking at you with a light smile.

“Not at all, hijo” She said

“Samu, she’s Belén, my best friend’s mom” You introduced her taking a deep breath “Belén, he’s Samuel Carnevale, my boyfriend” You watched at how her face fell a bit but quickly covered it up

“Nice to meet you, miss”

“Igualmente cariño” (Likewise, dear) She said slowly nodding

“Y/I, want me to save you the seat?” You nod eagerly to hear Belén’s thoughts

“He looks like a nice lad” She said when he left you again, you nod

“He is” You mumble

“I’m happy you’re moving on” She said, you felt relieved to hear those words “Still a bit sad I’m not going to be your mom-in-law” She laughed lightly as you smiled without showing your teeth

“She can still marry me” You heard Aurora say from behind her mom’s back

“When’s the wedding?” You replied watching them laugh. Aurora stepped over to hug you as you hugged her back tightly

“My brother is stupid”

“Don’t say that” You defended him “It’s not his fault” You shrugged your shoulders letting go of her

“He seems like a nice guy” She looked over at Samuel who was laughing with Fernando, Pedri’s older brother

“He is” You nodded with a smile

“I hope everything works out for you, Y/I” Aurora said “And hopefully we’ll see you more around in the house. Pablo isn’t the only one who misses you”

“I’ll try, cariño” You said gripping her arm a bit “It was lovely seeing you again, we must hang out later” You say ready to go. Both of them nodded hugging you once more

And with that you walked back towards Sam and Fer, feeling all kind of emotions thanks to their words and making up something in your mind for when you see Pablo.

You couldn’t keep on with your thoughts because the game had started, the tension was feeling in the air, it was the final of La Supercopa, both teams wanted to win it and only one could be the one who raised it and proclaiming the champion title.  And you wanted so badly to be Barcelona that one

Robert had the ball on his feet, he was dribbling among the players and into the penalty section of the Madrid, when he passed the ball to Gavi who hit it and the ball went inside the net. A roar of cheers, applauses and screams were heard across the stadium, the Barcelona fans cheering in happiness as they took the lead on the board.

 Gavi grabbed his shirt and kissed it, his signature celebration, his teammates went over to him and cheered with him, Pedri high fived him and hugged him and he must have told him something because after their hug Gavi’s eyes dance across the stadium until they landed on you.

His smile grew bigger and blew you a kiss while pointing at you, he also went ahead and did your initial. You smiled clapping and cheering louder for him.

At minute 45, Robert scored once more with an assist of Gavi and in the second time at minute 69, Pedri scored with the board on 3 for them and 0 for Madrid. The final result was 1-3, meaning Barcelona had won.

The player’s family went down, you shyly made your way towards the pitch as well but feeling extremely proud for your boys.

The first one you saw was Ansu and you threw yourself at him, laughing and cheering on the win for a few seconds before you saw Balde, Araujo and Lewy, you congratulated them as well.

When you saw Pedri, he opened his arms and you ran towards him

“¡YO SABÍA QUE GANARÍAN!” (I knew you guys would win) You yelled in excitement as Pedri hugged you tightly “You did it and I’m so proud of you” You kissed his sweaty cheek several times as he rocked you both side to side “That goal was amazing, Pepi”

“Gracias, bonita. It felt amazing to score” You smiled widely

You hadn’t seen Pablo and you were having an intern battle of seeing him, congratulating him and at the same time not do it.

“You look really happy” Samuel said grabbing your hand in his as your eyes roamed around for Gavi

“I am happy. Not only my club won but also my best friends did. It feels like a dream come true” You said looking at him with a smile on when you turned your head you saw him, he was hugging his sister

“Go and say hello to him” Samuel said kissing your cheek “I’ll be next to you”

Letting go of Samuel’s hand, you walked until being two meters away from him, Belén saw you and pointed at Gavi to turn around, when he did, he was confused until his eyes were on you.

His expression fell a bit before he let a smile out, he turned around to walk but when you started walking too, he started jogging and soon running until, you doing the same and eventually you crashed into each other.

You couldn’t lie. It felt good being back in his arms. His strong arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his face into the crock of your neck, yours around his shoulder and giving light touches in his hair

“I’m sorry” He said whispering in your ear “I’m truly sorry” You shushed him

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You shook your head “I’m here now”

“I missed you so much” He whispered once more pulling you even closer to him, at this point you were a bit arched, with him leaning onto you; with your waist touching his, torso touching his, chest touching his and heads into the others neck.

“Don’t leave me ever again” Pablo said

“I’m not” You said pulling away a little but he didn’t moved an inch “Pabs”

“No” He shook his head “I’m truly sorry, I should-” You cut him off

“Pablo, it’s okay, I’m here now” Your hand went to the sides of his head “Look at me please” You whispered and he after a few seconds obliged, pulling his forehead into yours “I’m not leaving you”

“It felt like hell not seeing you in the stands, it felt horrible not seeing you at our trainings but it felt even worse you not talking to me at all”

“Sorry” That’s all you managed to say, you caressed his dirty stained cheeks leaning up to kiss his cheek and come back pull your forehead into his. You were looking into each other’s eyes, when you felt Pablo slowly lean in

And that’s when you felt a presence and pulled away from him

Pablo looked confused, his arms still around you while yours fell from his body.

“Hey” Samuel said smiling lightly "Tremendo juego hiciste el día de hoy. ¡Felicidades!" (Such a good game you did today. Congratulations!)

“Hola” Pablo said “Amigo, disculpa, en estos momentos estoy con mi familia disfrutando, puedo darte un autógrafo más tarde, y… ¿Podrías traerme una botella de agua?” (Mate, sorry, I’m enjoying with my family right now, I can sign something for you later, also… Would you bring me a bottle of water?)

“Él no trabaja aquí, Gavi” (He doesn’t work here, Pablo) You said untangling yourself from him

“¿Ah no? Disculpa” Pablo said smiling tightly, hand reaching up to grab yours but you crossed your arms in front of your chest “And who are you?” Pablo asked mirroring your actions but giving you a look

“Samuel, this is my best friend, Pablo Páez or better known as Pablo Gavi” You announced unlinking one of your arms to pull Samuel next to you. It was Samuel’s turn “And Pablito… This is Samuel Carnevale… My boyfriend”

At the moment you said that, you could see Pablo’s face scrunching up, he was confused and his jaw clenched, just like how it did when he was angry

“What?” Pablo asked in disbelief after a few seconds

You sighed “This is my boyfriend, Samuel Carnevale” You announced once more

“Boyfriend?” You nod repeated times

Gavi's eyes danced in between Samuel and your face, he looked for any sign of you joking with him. But found none.

This couldn't have happened to him. You had a boyfriend? Why? Why now he realized his feelings for you? Was this a kind of sick prank? If it was he wasn't liking it and wanted it to stop now.

The emotion he felt for winning the Supercopa went away when he saw you holding hands with him.

"Really?" He asked impressed trying to put on a happy face but it looked somehow as if he was in pain

And he was. Sentimentally he was.

He felt like he could cry a river to cover the whole European continent, he felt sick, his stomach felt funny, his head felt spinning and it wasn't definitely for the excitement of winning

He felt lost

"That's-" He cut himself off, he couldn't say it was good because it wasn't good but he also couldn't say it was bad because it would hurt you even more.

You'd think he was selfish. And he truly wanted to be, but not after what happened between the two of you.

Thankfully a voice pulled him out of the situation, the three of you turning your heads to see Pedri coming over

"Buenas noches!" He said grinning from ear to ear "Sorry to interrupt anything"

Please, don't be. Pablo thought

"But we need to go so they can give us the medals and lift the trophy" Gavi nodded relieved

He had never wanted to escape from a moment with you more than he does now

However, he watched you smile and nod at him "Go ahead, Martín" You kick his leg a little "Congratulations on winning, by the way. I'm so proud of you" Pablo smiled nodding at you

You stepped forward and hugged him once more you couldn't help yourself but wanted to embrace him

"I don't plan on ruining tonight for you, but I think you know we need to talk" You whispered against his ear as he nodded tightening his hold on you, now it was his turn, he kissed your cheek repeated times making you giggle

"Stop that" You asked laughing "Go" You untangled yourself from him forcing him to leave his hold on you.

"Meet me in a hour and a half in the tunel, okay?" You nod smiling, one of Pablo's hands went up to the side of your face and pulled a stray of hair away from your face, making you freeze in the beggining but retracted a bit

Pablo's hand fell at his side as he was confused and shocked, he felt a sting hit in his chest and his breathing got a bit uneven, he took deep breaths and let out the air he was holding in. He nodded not knowing what to do, he had never felt this way around you not even when you confessed your feelings for him, so, he just walked side by side with Pedri to grab their medals

"You okay?" Pedri asked next to him as Pablo lightly shook his head

"...No" He looked over to where you were standing, in the middle of the Páez and González family.

He felt the same sting in his chest when you retracted from his touch but the sting made itself pronounced when he saw Samuel pull you into his embrace and you making yourself comfortable in the boys's arms while cheering for them.

Those should've been his arms, not some random man ones, but he had been too stubborn to realize it. And meanwhile you were happy and moving on, it was his time to watch from the sidelines and get hurt

________

You were waiting for him to come out of the dressing room but it seemed like it wasn't happening any time soon. Everyone had left only the staff being present and a few of the players's family.

So you decided to walk around for a bit, you came up the tunnel finding the place where the players go out to the pitch. You walked it finding the empty stadium, it looked pretty when no one was around and you enjoyed it more this way but it looked even better with people in the stands supporting their clubes and wearing a certain color.

"I remember you being noisy" You turn around at hearing his voice "I just didn't knew how much" You smiled lightly watching Pablo walk a few steps more to join you "This is beautiful" You nod agreeing

"Yes, it is" You smiled lightly "Mostly when it's quiet"

Silence took over the two of you for a while, none of you knowing how to start

"You are looking pretty" He said randomly as you smiled lightly

"Thanks, you looking nice too"

"It felt nice seeing you up there once more" you hum pursing your lips a bit

"It felt nice being back there once more" You smiled taking a deep breath

"So... You have a boyfriend?" He asked the first thing that had came into his mind, you nod once more

"I do" You smile at the though of your blondie, he had gone to the hotel with Pedri's family much to his disagreement, he didn't wanted to leave you alone but he understood you had something serious to talk with Pablo

"Since when?"

"Since December"

Pablo nodded, looking down at his feet

"I missed you" He said

"I missed you too"

"Didn't seem like you did"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You weren't answering my texts, nor my calls and whenever I tried to go into your apartment, the security guards didn't let me in!"

"Well I told you I needed time and you accepted it"

"You ghosted me!"

"And I'm terribly sorry! I was heartbroken and I didn't precisely wanted to the see the guy who provoked it uncounsiously!"

"Were you really? Because all I could see was you from a party to another and to another! It definitely didn't look like you were heartbroken!"

"But I was and still am, Pablo!" When he heard you exclaim his first name once more, he knew he had fucked it up again. You already had called him with a nickname or one of his others names

"What did you want me to do?" You ask in between laughter "Stay at home crying? Feeling miserable because I made the biggest mistake ever? And of all of the persons in Barcelona I went ahead and fell in love with you? But still I went and did nothing to change it? And when I try you absolutely do nothing but say 'you were just from a party to another, you didn't missed me' Of fucking course I missed you!" You were laughing but in reality you were close to the verge of crying

"Hell you've been a constant person in my life for twelve years, Pablo!" You looked at him "No one has ever me stuck with me that much, besides my family of course, but you! To have you next to me 25/8 like we used to be and then out of nowhere not having you at all, also affected me! A lot! I know I provoked that and I'm sorry! I don't control the way I feel it just happened!"

"And I just wanted to let it out! Of course I was secretly hoping you'd say I'm in love with you too, but it wasn't the case and I've been dealing with it and finally made peace with that and I'm here tonight to tell you that I want my best friend back! That I'm moving on from it and that we may not end up together but I don't care about that anymore I just want you to know that I'm not giving up on our friendship, Gavi. Never. I'm back if you want me to be"

Pablo grabbed one of your arms and pulled you into him, you hugged his torso inmediately as he hugged you tighter

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Pablo repeatedly leaving kisses in every place reachable for him, your neck, your cheek, eyelid, eyebrows, your ear, your temple, hairline, forehead, all of that without letting you go "I just missed you so much, I was having it bad and seeing you living your life as if you've never missed me broke me completely" He whispered sniffing "Of course I want you back, I love you so much, mi niña" He kissed you repeatedly as you hide your face in the crock of his neck

You didn't know but he just proclaimed his love for you, more than a friendly way, but decided against saying it out loud.

As much as it hurt him, he was the cause of the pain you've gone through these past months and now you were back into his arms and life, he wasn't going to fuck it up.

Two Weeks Later

"C'mon!" Pablo whined in the couch "I SWEAR TO GOD I WON PEDRI IN FIFA LAST TIME!"

"Maybe I was having compassion with you, Pablito" All of the presents in the room laughed as Pablo threw the control in anger to the couch

He went to the kitchen in hopes of finding a snack that could help his sour mood right now when he heard your laugh.

You were at Pedri's for a get-together. Now that you and Pablo mended things up you were spending more and more time together, the guys loving it since they had no more grumpy Pablo and a heartbroken you. And they were happy since they added one more person to your guys group. Samuel.

The guys loved him, of course the poor lad had to pass a test made by Pedri and the guys that joined him, but once that finished the guys cheered for you both and approved Samuel.

So, that meant he was also there with you in your get-togethers

It wasn't easy for Pablo now that he had discovered his true feelings for you, he always made sure to try and not look at the two of you when you were being affectionate. But it was hard, the damn fucker made you happy, your smile when you were around Samuel was three times bigger than usual and even tho Pablo loved to see that kind of smile on your pretty face, he wanted to be the one and produce it.

He couldn't help but walk over where the two of you were sitting a bit parted from the group since you had a bit of headache but didn't wanted to ruin the guys fun

You were reclined on the couch as Samuel was lying in between your legs with his face pressed into your chest, your hands were around his neck as his were around your torso, he was apparently telling you something funny to make you laugh like that.

The mood Pablo had from his mates teasing got worse when he saw you kissing Samuel. He knew he wasn't in place to reclaim something but he wanted to go there and push the guy out of your body.

Samuel's phone dinged as he sighed, if Pablo listened right he said something among the lines of "I have to go home, my little brother fell and sprained his ankle"

Pablo thanked his little brother but forgot you had to answer

"Oh god is Marcelo okay? Fucking hell, that doesn't look good. Let's go" At hearing that Pablo sighed. You were too caring, too lovely... Too perfect for this world to be true.

"Don't worry, princesa" He saw how Samuel wanted to get up but you tightened your holds on your hands and crossed your legs behind his back "Y/N" Samuel laughed

"What?" You asked smiling innocently

"This is a get-together with your friends, I don't want you to miss the fun to be in an hospital for god-knows-how-long with my screaming and annoying little brother-OW!"

"Marcelo is lovely, too bad he's only seven years old, I would've gone for him"

"You're so on" And then he heard your hysterical laughter once more and pleads for him to stop tickling you.

Pablo turned around and saw his sister standing there with crossed arms "Maldición, joder, Aurora" Pablo cursed out "You almost made me shit my pants"

"What are you doing watching Y/N and her boyfriend?"

"I wasn't watching them"

"I've been standing here like five minutes ago"

Pablo sighed "Okay... Maybe I was watching them"

"Why?" Pablo looked at his sister without saying anything as she soon gasped "No way!" She exclaimed a little too loudly

"Shhhh! Nobody knows it!" Gavi silenced her

"You're in love with Y/N?"

"Shhh!" Gavi shushed her pulling his hand up to his sister's mouth "No one knows it, so could you please be quiet about it?" Aurora nodded

"We neeed to talk" Pablo groaned grabbing his sister hand and bringing her over to Pedri's room "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She said inmediately after Pablo closed the door "She told you her feelings for you and you pushed her away!"

"Back then I didn't realized it! I started knowing right during World Cup, she didn't talked to me back then! It would have been a waste telling her and over text!"

"She called you!"

"I was confused!" Pablo exclaimed "If I had realized even before World Cup I wouldn't even have left Spain, fighting for her, but I realized in the middle of it, then when we were eliminated she sent me three texts and ghosted me once more! I fucked it up not reciprocating her feelings and to try and tell her over text: Hey, I realized I'm in love with you. Sorry for the pain I caused you back then. That would've been the worst thing ever! I've seen enough movies, TV shows and I have been with you and her for so long to know exactly what to do and what not to do!"

"When I saw her at the Supercopa I proposed myself to tell her, I wanted to kiss her when I saw her, when I held her I wanted to tell her everything and let her do whatever she wanted to and with me but then she appeared with that guy and with a light smile on, she told me 'He's my boyfriend' I wanted to die at that moment" Pablo shook his head running his fingers through his hair "I have put her through enough pain to just let that wound come back again! She seems happy with him and meanwhile he makes her happy, make her feel loved then I should be as well"

"You're going to love her from far away?" Pablo nodded with his hands on his face, he wanted to cry

"I think I lost my chance, rora"

"You haven't" Aurora said "She still loves you"

"But she's with him" Gavi looked at his sister, tears scaped from his eyes "I won't ruin that for her, I won't be the reason she's sad again" He shook his head "I will be there for her for everything and anything she needs me for, but I'm not ruining her relationship. I'll just wait for her, I'll wait"

Aurora was surprised by the determination on her younger brother, not suttering at all with his words, still, she felt proud, he knew he fucked up but also, he knew how to mend it and wait.

"Have patience, Pabs" She told him hugging her brother tightly "A lot of patience, you'll need it" Pablo nodded reciprocating the hug

"I will" He laughed

He was known for not having an ounce of patience, but he would gain the world's whole patience only for you. And he will do.

After having a moment, Gavi washed his face with water and headed down, to find no Samuel but you still laid on the sofa, he contemplated the fact of going towards the guys who probably will keep making fun of his bad FIFA skills or be with you.

Guess what he decided?

"Buenas" He said with a light smile catching your attention

"Hey, señorito" You smiled putting down your phone "Everything good?" Gavi nodded "What's up?"

"The guys keep making fun of me for being bad at FIFA" You scrunched your face a little

"I don't buy the 'I beat Pedri' thing either"

"BUT I DID!" He exclaimed making you laugh

"C'mere, Gavs" You fixed your position and patted the space on the couch, he just couldn't resist you so he ended up sitting next to you "The only one who can bully you it's me, so let's just sit here for a while and watch funny Tik Tok videos and cute puppy reels" He smiled sitting next to you

"Only because you said cute puppy reels" You smirked leaning over a bit for the two of you to see properly your phone screen

After an hour and half of watching funny videos on your phone, laughing, making comments and sometimes getting sad when something emotional happened, somehow you guys ended up cuddled up into each other.

You leaned into Gavi's chest, sat in between his legs as his back rested in the arm rest, his legs streched out as yours were pulled up at your chest, his arms wrapped around your frame.

Gavi stopped for a second, hearing you laugh, he smiled looking down at you, he indeed was stupid enough for not realizing his feelings soooner.

If he had done that, you could probably be like this but with another status, he sighed lightly accepting for now the fact you were with someone else but as you leaned more into him uncounsciously, giving him a smell of the delicious TRESemmé oil elixir you put to protect your hair and that he often found himself stealing a bit from, he realized he would fight for you, always. To have you by his side and make you happy.

Gavi kissed your hair and temple a couple of times before tightening his hold on you

"Something's wrong?" You ask lightly as he shakes his head

"...Don't think so"

One thing people also known Gavi for was that he was determinated, he never stopped until he had what he wanted.

And he wanted you.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Tag list: @gaviypedrisbride @ariagonzalezsstuff @gaviswh0re

[pebblysand]

hello! you may find the entire playlist on spotify here. below is some more information on my song choices.

Castle by Eminem: if you have finished the fic, you will understand. if you haven't, i don't want to spoil you :).

Things We Lost In The Fire by Bastille: it's funny, i'm a massive bastille fan but it didn't really hit me how castles that song is until i went to see them live last summer. i remember being in the crowd and thinking to myself: god this is so on point. i think the lyric that gets me most is: the future's in our hands and we will never be the same again. there's such a dichotomy to that and it's so representative of what is happening in this chapter, which is harry and the trio sort of reconning with the concept of time and the post-war state of things and: now what? the excitement of: we survived and the future's in our hands, but also we'll never be the same again because we lost all these things (people) in the fire (war). i just find it very apt.

O Children by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: firstly, i love that song, i thing it's beautiful and it just nails that post-war tone of the early chapters. the cleaners are coming one by one, they measure the room, they know the score, etc. secondly, this is obviously the harry& hermione song, which is a massive vibe and plot point of this chapter. i will defend the dance to my dying day, i think it's one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole film and those who don't like it because of the harmony vibes are wrong. that's it 😅.

UNHEALTHY by Anne-Marie: this is a more recent addition, but doesn't this song kind of have early harry/ginny vibes? i'll let you listen and be the judge.

Wonderwall by Oasis: harry mentions oasis in this chapter, so of course i had to add this. i have listened to this song so much in the past 20 years, i can't even tell if i like it or not. anyway, here's wonderwall 😅.

Pompeii by Bastille: ah. the infamous break down of everything. as i've already said, absolutely love bastille, and this one is a classic.

Shadow Preachers by Zella Day: i added this one more recently but i feel like it also had very strong early harry/ginny vibes. i also like that it sounds a bit similar-ish to pompeii in that sort of break down of everything vibe. there's a sort of desperation to that song that i feel really fits well.

Place de la République by Coeur de Pirate: firstly, if you think of coeur de pirate as comme des enfants and don't know anything else from her, i am begging you to open to your heart to her other songs/albums, she's incredible. secondly, i've always loved this song. it so well captures this sort of regretful break up situation where she is breaking up with someone because of distance and giving them one last chance to show up and they don't. i feel like it's very much a ginny song in chapter 3, this way she doesn't really want to break up with harry but has to. it's just 😫.

Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi: i've gone back and forth a lot on this song, whether to include it or not. it's almost Too Much. but, also, harry is a bit Too Much in this, so it just fits.

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths: this is... very literal, i don't think i need to explain. i will say, for a very long time, i didn't know where the french bits were from. it sounded like some sort of documentary about suicide, which i thought was odd, but it's actually a reading of the myth of sisyphus by albert camus. i've never read it because i've only ever read camus's fiction, but he is one of my favourite french authors, so i was happy to find that out. it works with the song incredibly well, obviously.

Hell or Highwater by Passenger: we're back with the break up songs. i love this one because it very much is about the confusion and the not knowing what caused the break up, which i think is very fitting for harry, here. i also just love the writing in this song, the way he uses the "hell or highwater" saying in a different way - it's a song i very much love, even outside of castles.

Six Degrees of Separation by The Script: idk, this song has such strong 2000s vibes, and it's so break-up-y dramatic - it just fits, you know? 😅.

Giants by Dermot Kennedy: this playlist supports irish artists! ✊🏻 jokes aside, i kind of see this song as having a bit of a double-meaning here. like, of course, it's hinny break up song and plays - again - to that lack of understanding (we used to be giants, when did we stop?) but i also see it as reflective of harry's broader state of mind. it's this post-war confusion of: we used to do these great, important things, and what is our purpose, now? obviously, this first arc is very much about finding a reason to live after the war, so i feel like this song works for both plotlines.

As It Was by Harry Styles: i'm not a massive harry styles fan so the first time i ever heard this song was when he was on tour and the 'LEAVE AMERICA' trend was all over tiktok. and, i don't know, the moment i heard the song as a whole i was like, 'fuck, this is such a castles song!' especially of that early, post-war, confused era of: 'harry what are you doing sitting at home on the floor, what kind of pills are you on?' it just had to be in this playlist.

Fear of Fear by Passenger: this song is just a mood. i feel like it could play over a montage of the weeks passing in chapter four, and harry just going to work, trying to sleep, and going running in the night.

Le vent nous portera by Noir Désir: there's two reasons why this song is here. firstly, i feel like it signifies healing and the passage of time, which works very well with this chapter. it's a gorgeous song and has this idea of the wind just blowing the hardships away, an "it'll be alright" motto that i love. but also, what my international audience might not know is that this song is highly controversial - bertrand cantat, the lead singer of the band, beat his girlfriend - french actress marie trintignant - to death in 2003. he was arrested, went to jail - if you are french, just know that i'm not going to get into the Debate of whether he should still played/be listened to, etc. we all have our opinions and whichever way you're leaning i'm not going to change yours but i just wanted to note that i wouldn't have put this song in the playlist for any other chapter. but with the added theme of DV in the case giulia and harry work on here, i felt it was fitting.

Brave by Sara Bareilles: this is obviously giulia's pep-talk song haha! harry, get out of your rut, and be brave. i love it.

You're Not Special, Babe by Orla Gartland: i love this song. and, again, it's very giulia. i feel like both of these last songs for this chapter have this vibe of her telling harry to just get off his arse and do something, which is what he needed at that point. quit moping around, quit blaming yourself, you're not that special. it's really the kick off, onto chapter five.

Insomnia by Ren: ah, ren. if you've been following the playlist for a while, you will have noticed that i had a major ren moment between the end of 2023 and the start of 2024 and added, like, fifteen millions of his songs to the playlist. i feel like castles generally has such a ren "vibe" to it, which is wild because i didn't find him until well into writing the story. this song has this incredible line: i used to use drinking as a way to stop thinking and my problems with drinking made me feel like i was sinking, so i dried up my drinking and then i couldn't sleep a wink, and now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking about nothing. fucking nothing. and everything and nothing - i hate not sleeping. this is so on point for this chapter, which has harry's insomnia stalking those post-war months, and i absolutely love it.

The Last Unicorn by Passenger: ah, the first mia song 😫. my child. this is so scarily on point.

J'écoute du Miles Davis by Navii: this is really one of the core, OG castles songs as far as i'm concerned. i remember listening to it on loop very early on, writing the early chapters. i love the chorus of 'Et le temps passe' (and time passes) - it's this factual statement that i feel is very castles. "Time just - passes."

The Way I Am by Eminem: i was so mad to find out i couldn't use this song in text because it came out in 2001. obviously, very related to the press, fame, etc. which are topical for this chapter.

Dominoes by Ren: i added this one fairly recently. it's one of those songs that isn't precisely topical to the chapter itself, but i really liked the riff of "we fall like dominoes, dominoes, falling". it echoes that thing harry says about how he's afraid to fold because if the "leader" falls, then everyone comes cascading down. i felt like there's an interconnection in that song that resonates, here. and also, i think the thing about public perception and body shaming is also somewhat related to the treatment of girls in harry's life in the press.

Read All About It, Part III by Emili Sandé: i thought most people would already know this song because it was featured so prominently in the 2012 London Olympics, but i suppose it still didn't make it to america, 'cause i've had quite a few comments from people saying the playlist was the first time they'd heard it. anyway, it's obviously about harry using his voice and finally talking to the press, and it's amazing :).

Babylon by Barns Courtney: the vibes of this song feel like the fall of a civilisation and "the walls are caving in, you're paying for your sins" and... yeah. idk, i see this as the theme song to the whole battle scene at the lace mill.

What He Wrote by Laura Marling: this was always Giulia's "song" in my head, i'm not even sure why. it's got nothing to do with her but just based on vibes. i listened to this on loop writing her death. and, also, the connection with Peaky Blinders, which heavily inspired the first act of castles.

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens: this is just... a beautiful song about death lol. how cheerful 😅.

All My Tears by Ane Brun: and... another one, lol. also, another connection to PB.

Jimmy by Moriarty: i only have two songs for this chapter, probably because it used to be paired with chapter six so i initially didn't think of it as an independent item. anyway, this is one of my favourite songs in the world, and it's recently come to my attention that it fit quite well in here, with this idea of "coming home" (to the burrow, in harry's case. i feel like it works well with the general mood of the chapter.

CORALINE by Måneskin: ah. coraline, coraline, di me la tua verita... this is the beginning of harry, and ginny, and the letters, really.

Zombie by The Cranberries: canonically, Mia is a fan and while two cranberries songs are mentioned in this chapter, i always felt like this one fit better. first, because it's about a civil war that, in many ways, resembled the wizarding war. second, because i've always sort of thought as amycus as a bit of a zombie. like, he's dead but he still plagues ginny (and later harry) with the things he's done and their ramifications.

Rather Die by Barns Courtney: obviously, i'm a massive fan of barns courtney and i've always felt this song is very ginny during the war. basically, 'i'd rather die than give in.'

Repeat After Me by KONGOS: this song is obviously about the absolutist christian faith and someone trying to escape it, but i think there's something so rhythmic about it. in my head, i could see it playing over a montage of the DA pulling off stunts, getting attacked, getting back up again, fighting again, losing again, etc. there's also the 'repeat after me' of indoctrination that could very much apply to the ministry's propaganda. i remember listening to this song so much as i was writing this chapter, just to remind myself of the relentless sort of pacing i wanted to achieve.

Dopamine by Barns Courtney: okay so. this is the song of this chapter. i know it feels like it's not really about this chapter (it's clearly about drug addiction) but you cannot possibly imagine the number of times i listened to it as i was writing. i don't know. i love everything about it. the loud rock and instrumentals, the production, the lyrics. if we end it all, at least you're by my side. we could never die. and this: it's always the same. see the drink couldn't wash out the taste of your name. i literally think it's one of my favourite songs ever, and one of my favourite sentences ever written. i think in my head it's a bit about ginny sinking, about amycus, about harry. about everything. i would say dopamine is probably one of the most important songs in this playlist. i am so attached to it.

Thirteen Thirtyfive by Dillon: and... the last song. i will say this: i have since learnt that this song is about a woman who has lost a child (either through miscarriage, abortion or death after birth, it's not clear) and is reminiscing about what her life could have been. that is... not how i initially interpreted it. you may listen and come to your own conclusions. if you interpret it like the above, maybe it fits with pansy's story. if you don't... well. you'd be thirteen, i'd be thirty-five, gone to find a place for us to hide. be together but alone, as the need for it has grown. make of that what you will.

Formidable by La Bronze (Stromae cover): god, do i love this song. and god do i love this cover almost more than the original. i love how she made it less sad and more angry with the more rock-like music, as well as the sound of arabic. it works So Fucking Well. the chorus of this song sort of says it: we were incredible.

The Kid I Used to Know by Arrested Youth: just one of those songs i used to listen to on loop while writing/planning that arc of castles. i do think of this time in this fic as the formal end of harry's childhood, when he finds out about ginny and realises that all their innocence has gone. so long to the kid i used to know.

Hold On by Ren: i feel like there's such a restlessness in this chapter that you also find in this song. this sort of endless torrent of stuff coming harry's way, and him trying to... get through it and hold on.

Blind Leading The Blind by Mumford & Sons: i had originally put this one in for chapter nine, but i actually think it's more of a chapter ten song. welcome to the trials, aka the epitome of the blind leading the blind.

Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? by Arctic Monkeys: ah. were you also a teen in the early 2010s? welcome to the song. obviously - very harry & ginny in this chapter.

Falling Is Like This by Ani DiFranco: i've always adored this song ever since i discovered it referenced in another fic. it's where i got the idea of the car running off a cliff in last chapter - it's also very heavily referenced in this chapter. think of it like a transition song lol. just such a Mia mood. falling is like this.

Je suis un homme by Zazie: i was looking for a song this morning to operate the transition between falling is like this and the kids are all rebels, and i settled on this one. judge me all you want but i love zazie, and i think this works quite well with the beginning section of this chapter that is a little bit like the song: humans and their institutions going round in circles.

The Kids Are All Rebels by Lenii: i loooove lenii. she's irish (🇮🇪🥳) and this song is such a DA song. there's this dimension of youthful idealism hitting the brick wall of adulthood, and the things they see the government do which they're not happy with. the song itself was written about trump's covid policies, but it fits so well here too!

Anthem by YOKANA & Barns Courtney: i think this is self-explanatory. harry is starting to doubt his "no comment" strategy...

Statues by Alexandre Desplat: we're... starting a new war in courtrooms, aren't we? jokes aside, it's probably my favourite music from the films, very war-coded, it makes me want to rise up to battle, so.

Remember the Name by Fort Minor & Styles of Beyond: there's something about the relentless rhythm of this song that i just love for the end of this chapter. like: LET'S GOOO!

Legendary by Welshly Arms: i see this as the DA's song, too, you know? not just harry. they're all doing something legendary.

Till I Collapse by Eminem: this is one of my favourite eminem songs, and i think it fits really well with the beginning of this chapter. the onslaught of press coverage regarding harry's and the DA's actions, and their common desire to push through no matter what.

Instant Crush (feat. Julian Casablancas) by Daft Punk: i actually wanted to put da funk in this playlist (which is the song mentioned in the fic) but i chose not to subject you all to five minutes of lyric-less late-naughties techno music 🤣. i also feel like putting this right after Till I Collapse is a bit of an insult to eminem ("you don't know me, you're too old, let go - it's over, nobody listens to techno" 😅), which is a bit funny lol.

Teenage Culture by SKYLAR: it's funny, i listened to this song on loop the summer of 2023 but didn't really find an excuse to add the song to the castles playlist until it finally hit me now that it was per-fect for this chapter. i love skylar and i love this song, it's so tongue-in-cheek and yet lyrically incredibly clever. i think this is such a teenage anthem and fits so well for this chapter, both in the "partying" side of it, but also in a the-kids-are-all-rebels sort of way. i just absolutely love it.

Everyone's at It by Lily Allen: i've just realised this is the first lily allen song in this entire playlist which, if you know me and how much of a lily allen stan i am, is wild. i stole some of the lyrics of this song for the chapter; it's about the double-standards that exist in dealing with drug addiction, which ginny talks about a bit. it's a song that was very important in opening my young eyes on this topic, when i was a teenager. i feel like it also goes so well with the SKYLAR song, it's like the millenial-advocate-y song to SKYLAR's gen z, more apathetic/don't-care take.

all the good girls go to hell by Billie Eilish: i have a very strange relationship with Billie Eilish's music where i listen to her only for very specific occasions and moods, but i do love that song. and, idk, i kind of see it as a symptom of ginny's slight "descent" in this chapter, where under the surface, partying and sleeping around begins to be less "fun" than it used to be. there's something weirdly haunting about Billie Eilish's music (esp the first album, that i feel fits here).

Any Other World by Mika: i added this song to the playlist rather recently but if you are a the good wife fan, it will of course sound familiar. i think i was looking for a song to finish off this chapter and recently was lucky enough to see Mika play live in dublin, and thought it just fit. it's neither really a love song nor a political song, it's a third thing, and i think it's really symbolic of the conclusion you reach at the end of this chapter of "say goodbye to the world you live in". i think this chapter is really the point of no return, this sort of deep realisation that nothing will be the same anymore. it's also the halfway point of the fic (in terms of chapters), so i reckon it works.

Un peu d'espoir by Joyce Jonathan: i relistened to this song recently and i think it really suits the beginning of the chapter. there's a growing up vibe to it and, nostalgia, sadness and hope at the same time. i really see it playing in that time where harry reflects on the upcoming anniversary of the war and where he and ginny talk about the aftermath.

Dance Monkey by Tones and I (Stripped Back): okay. i know this is a bold choice but let me explain. basically: i was working on completing the playlist and was looking for a song for the end of the trials, draco's hearing and all the politics in this chapter. i looked up my top songs of 2022 (which is when this chapter was written) and found out i actually listened to this song quite a lot that year (the original version of it). and yes, this is a dance song, but when you look at the lyrics, there's a vibe of, like, the establishment and the wider world forcing you to do something you don't really want to do? like, sure, here, this is a woman who's being told, basically "why don't you dance/smile more" but i think this is also applicable to harry and his relationship with the press and the wizarding world in general. there is a dimension in it of "dance monkey! dance!" where he's just like - not feeling it. this is the chapter where he rebels, too, and actually doesn't stick to the script, and pushes the wizarding world to change, and we love that for him. i chose the stripped back version for the playlist, because i feel it just fits the mood more than the dance version of this song.

bad guy by Billie Eilish: ugh. do i need to explain? i mean, harry, come on. stop toying with two girls at the same time.

Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran: a bit the same as the above. my bad habits lead to you - you can't quite let ginny go, can't you?

Arcade by Duncan Laurence: if you were on tiktok in the golden age of dracotok, this song will need no introduction. i don't even think the lyrics fit but i now have such a strong association between draco malfoy and this song, it needed to be there in this chapter.

This Is What Makes Us Girls by Lana Del Rey: i feel like this is a lesser-known Lana song, but it's haunted me for years. i think there's a vibe of "for us girls, it's just the way wars are fought" in that song. and, with this chapter being the one where we find out about pansy, i couldn't not include it.

Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons: i've always felt like this was such a castles song overall, but struggled to find a good spot for it in the playlist. and then, i don't know. i feel like this moment after malfoy tells harry the truth and when he's having his tirade about systems just... works. this is a song that to me, represent the both of them, actually. i'll never wear your broken crown, i'll never be your chosen one. for malfoy, it's realising just that - he's not the chosen one. for harry, it foreshadows what's to come with alecto.

Mr. Sandman by SYML: okay, i cannot possibly explain this but i very strongly associate this song with the vibe of draco in prison, and that last scene. it's bizarrely haunting, and i think fits the mood perfectly.

Wrecked by Imagine Dragons: this song is one of those songs about grief that are maybe a bit one the nose but idk, i like it. i listened to it loads the summer it came out, and it inspired me to bring giulia back in this chapter. so there you go haha.

In Your Heart by The Franklin Electric: this is a song i love and i've listened a lot, but again, one that i couldn't really find a good place for in the playlist. but i was looking for a song to cover sort of the alecto/kingsley era of this chapter and i think it's perfect. it's vague enough that it could be about anything, and generally it's very much about guilt and substance abuse, and feeling lost, and very "in your head" which fits the bill. the beginning in particular really speaks to me: it's your fault, when your pride grows thicker than your skin, it's burning up like oxygen. and also this: the teachers never told you about reasonable doubt. i think it very much resonates with harry making that awful decision in that moment, and the guilt/unease that flows from it.

Foundations by Kate Nash: ah, do i even need to explain this one? this article was making the rounds a while back and it's So On Point. this song is an anthem to the breakdown of that first adult relationship you have with a boy that's a dickhead and this is mia's anthem. she deserves it. my fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundations and i know that i should let go, but i can't. i feel like this is so representative of that moment where everything points towards mia leaving him, but instead she asks him to come with her. darling, you deserve so much better!

People Help The People by Birdy: i was looking for a song to cover the memorial and i think this one (this version in particular) is just so beautiful. there's something very breathy and airy and the lyrics really resonate. the ups and downs of the verses v. the chorus of people helping people. give me your hand and i'll hold it is also building towards the hinny moment later. i really love this here.

Tobacco In My Sheets by Lauren Aquilina: god, i've loved and listened to this song so much. to me, it's the ginny&molly song. i've also hesitated on placement, it could have been earlier when molly and ginny were fighting, or later in 22, but ultimately, that scene with the hug is what i'm choosing. this song breaks my heart into a million pieces every time i hear it.

Higher by Lily Allen: ugh. this is probably one of my old time favourite lily songs. it took me a long time to understand it, listen to an interview when she was explaining this was written from the POV of her ex-husband. there's something so tragic about it, but i also really like the conflictual-ness of it, the one-upping each other which is a little bit what harry and ginny are doing for part of their conversation. there's also harry's unrelenting, unyielding attitude towards ginny's fuck ups, both tolerating them, but also making it clear that it needs to stop. it's your life, i said i'd never let you waste my time, i said you'd never hear me say that twice. you crossed that line. i just fucking adore this song.

Delilah by Florence + The Machine: there's a complexity in that song of i'm gonna be free, i'm gonna be fine, but also holding on for your call, i can never let go that i feel is very much the dichotomy of ginny in this chapter. the certainty and confidence but also the vulnerability of her conversation with harry at times.

Supernatural by Barns Courtney: i kind of see this song also as a transition into next chapter. one last time, let you back into my head - to me, it's harry and ginny sort of dancing around each other like they do in the of that conversation. want-me-want-me-not. they both do it at times, and especially harry in the next chapter, and i think it's a good song to launch the next part.

I'm Not A Saint by Billy Raffoul: this song has strong castles!harry vibes - at least for that era of his life lol. i kind of both see it as the opening song for the whole alecto mess, but also as an anthem for the whole chapter. i've one too many cigarettes, burning off my tongue, and the chorus of i'm not a saint but i could be if i tried is very harry/mia.

Lap Dance by Ycare: i fucking love this song. literally, i see it as the harry&hermione dancing scene song. more figuratively, it's harry dancing around with mia and ginny hot-and-cold-ing harry.

Trigger Bang (feat. Giggs) by Lily Allen: another of my favourite lily songs ever - i remember it came out as one of the early releases on no shame and i fucking gasped when i first heard it, i think it's my favourite song on the album. i actually listened to that album a lot while writing act 2 of castles; it's an album that deals a lot with addiction and messing up, which obviously is very much ginny's arc at that point. particularly, this song inspired the party thing where ginny says she'll avoid the party because (in other words), it's triggering to her. i was trying to find an excuse for the "one time they didn't meet" to fit with the theme of the chapter, and that song is what inspired me to write the whole party subplot, actually. that's why i can't hang with the cool gang, everyone's a trigger bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

The List by Maisie Peters: i love the successions of these two songs because they kind of build off on each other. it's new resolutions and turning a page, which is very much what ginny does here.

July by Noah Cyrus: ugh. self-explanatory. this is the most mia song ever. leave him. just leave him (spoiler alert, she can't).

Double Denim - the one to cry to at 3am by SKYLAR: another massive ugh. mia, stop falling for the bad boys. and harry, you are this song in this chapter. this song also have some of my favourite lyrics by SKYLAR ever, which apply so well in this context: mister, mister, if she's like a sister, why did you kiss her? what? to be polite? but aphrodite don't go kiss athena so why d'you kiss her? just, out of spite?

Back To Black by Amy Winehouse: ah, amy, my love. another victim of the tabloid press. i've always seen this song as mia's break-up song, and the title of the paris fic is taken from back to black. he left no time to regret, kept his dick wet, with his same old safe bet. baby, mia, my dear, i'm so sorry.

BLIZZARD by Fauve: there's this meme on french tiktok right now that's like: "the kids who used to passionately listen to Fauve in the summer on 2015, how are you all doing??" 😅 not well is the answer to that question lmao. jokes aside, for anyone not familiar, Fauve were a bit of a musical concept back in the day, and they have a lot of slam/rap songs about love and mental health and stuff that were very #deep but sure look, i still fucking love them. and, this song is so castles!hinny, it's very much about taking a leap and believing in the future, which is the sort of trajectory they're choosing for each other at the end of this chapter. tu nous entends l'amour, tu nous entends? Si tu nous entends, il faut qu'tu reviennes parce qu'on est prêts maintenant, ca y est. on a déconné c'est vrai mais depuis on a compris, et là, on a les paumes ouvertes avec notre coeur dedans, il faut qu'tu l'prennes et qu'tu l'emmènes 🥹

Que tout s'danse by Noé Preszow: this song is another of those songs that are incredibly important to castles and have really shaped the narrative of the fic. it basically says "you tell me anyone can dance through everything". it's a song about love and resilience and fucking up, and really was essential to the whole hinny arc in part 2. it has these lyrics about "i know it doesn't seem like it but i need to be laughed at, i need anonymous letters accusing me of all crimes" - to me it speaks to the very thesis of why harry chooses ginny: because she challenges him and makes him a better person. but, in my head, this song is also a war song, and a castles song. it's very linked to the trials arc of part 2, which also concludes in this chapter. in the song, the lyrics state: tu me dis que tout s'danse, même la gêne, même la haine, même l'errance. Que tout s'danse, la solitude, l'état de siège, l'état d'urgence. that last part, basically translating to "you can dance through anything, a siege or a state of emergency" is a direct reference to the state of emergency that was declared after the bataclan attacks in paris in 2016. as i've said before, i drew a lot of inspiration from the bataclan trials for castles, which were ongoing as i was writing, and from the bataclan attacks in general, which had a massive impact on my life and in part, motivated me to write castles. it's a gorgeous song, and one that has been in the playlist from the very start of this journey.

Friends (The Way I Wrote It) by Ian McConnell: i don't think i need to explain this one. it's the very last of the harry/mia song. it's cute and sad and weirdly perfect.

Paris by The Chainsmokers: i listened to this song a lot whilst writing chapter 15/16 and i couldn't help but feel like i had to include it somewhere. at first i was like "this has got to be mia related because it's paris," but ultimately, i think it's a very hinny-in-chapter-16 song. you'll see anyway that this whole chapter is pretty much one travel-related song after the other (lol), so here's the first one of many haha. i love the "let's show them we are better" and "if we go down, let's go down together" - it's very them and is also a good transition between 15 and 16.

Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls: i really struggled with this chapter regarding whether or not to include the muggle songs that are referenced in the text into the playlist. in the end, i decided not to, apart from this one and the Manu Chao one (see below). i don't think stuff like the real slim shady or wannabe or Dido are particularly relevant to this story, but this one is just so perfectly cliché and great for Ron & Hermione - i just had to include it.

Caravane by Raphaël: i know, i know. if you're french, you can't stand this song anymore cause it's been so overplayed, think: james blunt's you're beautiful. BUT it is a beautiful song. and, it's: harry and ginny leaving. being free. just the two of them. 🥹

Young as the Morning Old as the Sea by Passenger: i just love this song, it's gorge. but yeah, just another travel song in fairness ^^.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman: so, funnily enough, this song was supposed to be a song harry and ginny danced to at the wedding. i took it out because all things considered, it's not a super hopeful song. but just now, i was looking for song to cover their first fight in misty village and like, idk. i love the metaphor in this, the way the first few pages of the trip (and the first few songs) are very happy-go-lucky and "yaay! we're going on an adventure" but then this one is like: is the adventure really a happy ending? it follows the hopeful beginning of this song and the more tragic end, almost. also this one and the previous one are very guitar-based, so they go well together.

Renegades by X Ambassadors: aaaaaand, they're back on the road lol.

The Seer's Tower by Jamie Cullum: this is a cover of a Sufjan Stevens song but Jamie Cullum's version fucking haunts me. i think it fits so well the low-key tension that exists between harry and ginny in that part of the chapter, around chicago and the midwest, where they're actually talking and making progress but also, everything's a bit complicated. i just adore this. and, obviously, the title of the song is a reference to Sear's Tower in chicago, which harry and ginny visit.

Bongo Bong by Manu Chao: aaaaaand, we're back on the road lol. with this quintessential european 90s song lol.

Sword from the Stone by Passenger: this is probably one of my top three passenger songs and the only "covid" song i can tolerate lol. i was sort of looking for a place for it in castles and then it hit me while making the playlist for this chapter. it's got that sort of desperation to it and that "i can't do it alone" and the ups and downs that are. very symptomatic of harry and ginny in this chapter. to me, this is really representative of the lead up to their final fight and of the fight itself.

It's Called: Freefall by Paris Paloma: this is a cover version which you probably already heard if you're on tiktok - it really inspired this chapter, and particularly the grand canyon moment.

What Is Love? by The Red Pill & Alan Watts: a bit the same as the above, i just love the text and it really symbolises that idea of taking a leap and believing in love for the two of them.

LETTRE A ZOÉ by Fauve: this is probably my favourite Fauve song and to me it so symbolises the vibe of the grand canyon aftermath, the very early, exciting stages of a reconciliation. it's such a beautiful song and i think it transitions wonderfully into the new "stage" of castles.

Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa by FINNEAS: this is the era/chapter of love songs, lol. i love this one, it's so happy and symbolic of the first half of this chapter - harry and ginny enjoying the honeymoon phase haha.

Room Service by Holly Humberstone: i can't recall how i first heard this song but i always thought it had such hinny undertones of that era in castles, covering both this chapter but also the one before - this quietness of a refuge found in bedrooms and hotel rooms just the two of them. the love that transpires. i am burying the things that hurt you. i'm digging holes in the garden, babe, i made a tomb to put them in - everything. i also love the part that goes 'cause you've lost too much sleep for one lifetime - that really speaks to the two of them and their nightmares.

Rosie by Passenger: another cosy song for this cosy chapter. funny story but passenger said he wrote that song as a lullaby for his cat who was scared of the storm. it's a beautiful ballad about not worrying and being protected. i adore this song, it always gives me hope and feels whenever i hear it.

Party Tattoos by dodie: continuing with the cosy feeling, but this song is also about social anxiety and taking leaps of faith to actually do things, which i think speaks to harry and ginny finally enjoying themselves in this chapter. that being said, i mostly picked this song for this iconic line: they're not bruises, they're just party tattoos. that really spoke to me in this chapter, not in the context of the song specifically, but more in the context of the "bruises" and "wounds" that harry and ginny are working to heal together, and this concept that they're not bruises, they're just party (or maybe life) tattoos. i love that idea and the metaphor, which is why i included the song here.

Petite Marie by Francis Cabrel: and, again, we finish with a love song. probably one of the most beautiful of all. sorry for those who don't speak french, you're missing something. je viens du ciel et les étoiles entre elles ne parlent que de toi. (i come from the sky and amongst themselves, the stars only speak of you.)

[drowninginships]

✨9 people you’d like to know better✨

Thank you to @monbons and @raenestee for tagging me! I'm sorry it took me a week to respond, shit's been crazy.

Last Song: I have had "Somebody You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi on repeat for about 5 days now. Something about the raw lyrics with his raspy voice, it makes me feel like I'm grieving a relationship alongside him, even though I'm not. Doesn't that sound crazy? I guess his grief gives me the dopamine.

Favorite Color: “There is a sun, a light that for want of another word I can only call yellow, pale sulphur yellow, pale golden citron. How lovely yellow is!” - Vincent van Gogh. That is to say, I love yellow. Particularly citrine yellow or golden hour yellow or mustard yellow. My heart is yellow.

Currently Watching: Re-watching Survivor, currently on season 40. I also watch a lot of Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer on Youtube, and DangerouslyFunny on Youtube!

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: ....Salty? I'm a big fan of all of these, but if I think of this in what I prefer to eat, I'd say sweet or salty. When I cook though, it's usually savory and spicy!

Relationship Status: Married to the weirdest, smartest, and most loyal woman in the world. We're an open marriage and poly, so I'm also recently "single" because I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly a year.

Current Obsession: RWRB and the Simon Snow series! Also, with the release of Epic the Musical, I've been really getting into Classical Mythology. I'm reading the Iliad right now, and I've got the Odyssey queued up to read next.

Last Thing You Googled: "How to Re-hydrate a Meatball" lmao, the recipe I used had severely messed up proportions, and they were dry as hell. They did not get eaten xD

Thank you again for the tags!!

I'm late with this, and I've seen it go around, so I'm sure everyone has already done this, but just in case, I'll throw out some no-pressure tags!

@valeffelees @youarenevertooold @thewholelemon, @roomwithanopenfire, @beastmonstertitan, and @blackberrysummerblog <3

[louisisalarrie]

Hi there! Just a silly little observation and headcanon that I have. When Harry made his speech at the Brits last year for “As It Was” and thanked Lewis Capaldi, I like to think that it was his was of thanking Louis. We know that Lou is called Lou-is by his friends and I’ve seen several examples of Harry also using that pronunciation. It must be awful for them to go through their public lives unable to share in each others joy, so if calling out a thank you to someone who shares a name with your love is the only way you can do it, I think it’s sweet. I also hope that some day they can acknowledge each other openly. Hope you’re having a great day!

This is a cute as hell headcanon thank you for sharing hehehe

[linkles-art-blog]

So, a good many months back, after finishing the Xenoblade Chronicles 3 DLC, I had been in quite the Xenoblade spirit, and decided I had wanted to make a few cool little crossover artworks between XC3 and Cherish to celebrate that fact.

Due to a number of circumstances that I can’t seem to recall at the moment, the project eventually got shelved, however, and it was only now that I was finally able to return to those artworks and complete them.

For Arthur, I’ve drawn him to be an Agnian offseer, as I feel it best befits his rebel attitude in not wanting to directly partake in the cycle of death and war, and for Paul, I’ve depicted him as a steel-rank Kevesi commander who has dual-wielding swords — to portray him as someone who is not by any means an amateur at war, and to reflect the deadly nature of his ability as we see it at the end of Fifteen, and also in Storm Bringer. They are both in their eighth terms.

I think the idea of a Paul who, despite being a fairly high-ranking and trusted commander, would one day meet Arthur and feel compelled to defect from their lives in the colonies and protect him, despite Arthur being an Agnian and in spite of the danger it puts them in to do it, would very much capture both the spirit of Cherish and Xenoblade Chronicles 3’s overarching theme.

Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed the artworks above. ^-^

Do not repost this artwork anywhere without my explicit permission or claim it as your own. See F.A.Q.s for details.

Songs I listened to while drawing this:

My Cherish Playlist (the public and currently only partial version of which you can listen to here.)

Good Little Girl/Bad Little Boy — Kade

Car’s Outside — James Arthur

Love The Hell Out of You — Lewis Capaldi

[tayfabe75]

"We couldn't do the same show because when we wrote the last show we didn't understand kind of - well, I suppose TikTok and the way that virality works. Because you can't go into a play and like, film it, because then the next day, you know, everyone knows what the play is. So the show became this ever-evolving thing and it started with, you know, the kind of tones of the crisis of masculinity that I touched upon when I stayed in my house for two years by... well, a year by myself and masturbated intellectually and literally a lot. Went down many a rabbit hole, and the show is about that. And then I was really excited. Like look at this, this is the culmination of it, like look at this. I'm not a nonchalant person, I'm not somebody who takes things for granted, so I was excited. And The 1975 isn't a dry band, there's a lot of irony in it - like Love Me, for example, it doesn't make sense unless I'm taking the piss out of myself. So I was always like, trying stuff. And some stuff I got right and some stuff I got wrong. But you know what? There's a lot of things that I've said, jokes that I've made that I would take back. And you know what, there's probably a couple of fucking songs that I'd take back if I had the choice. So… you're saying no, and that's very, very sweet. But what I mean is that I really... I'm only doing this because I want to make you guys laugh and feel good 'cause that's what I think, that's what my favorite art does. And that's all I'm trying to do. And I get a bit excited. And you know what, I'm fucking proud of myself. And I want to send my sincerest thoughts to Lewis Capaldi, who is a good friend of mine. Who, on the day when he had to cancel his tour, checked in on me. Think about that. He checked in on me the day that he canceled his tour. And it's also a reflection on how hard being a solo artist is, 'cause I would not be doing this shit if I didn't have these amazing men and women behind me. All of them. This crew started building this stage at 2 o'clock this morning, they finished at 10 am. We played in Sweden yesterday. It takes a village. I don't know what 'it takes a village' means, but I think that was how you use it. What a fucking line-up. You have seen so many incredible bands today. So let me get a big round of applause for me, 'cause the day's been all about them. 'Ooh, Cigarettes Afer Sex, blah blah, Bleachers, blah, so good,' Yeah, I get it. I get it. Let's hear it for me. And let's hear it for Cigarettes After Sex. Let's hear it for Bleachers, my best friend. Let's hear it for Pretty Sick. Let's hear it for The Life. Let's hear it for American Football, ladies and gentlemen. And genuinely, my favorite band, The Japanese House. Fucking hell, that was a lot of crowd work. You've done it."

July 2, 2023: Matty gives a speech on stage at Finsbury Park. (source)

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/01/2023 (Liam Gallagher/John Squire, Lewis Capaldi, Bring Me the Horizon)

Welp, Noah Kahan’s back at #1 with “Stick Season” for a second consecutive week - kinda surprised this is the hit song we start off the year with but alas, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Now this is the kind of balls-to-the-wall week I expect from early January, and we’ll get to that, but as always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we say farewell to “ten” by Fred again.. and Jozzy, “Take on Me” by a-ha, “(It Goes Like) Nanana” by Peggy Gou, “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)” by Whitney Houston, “Giving Me” by Jazzy, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding, "Escapism." by RAYE featuring 070 Shake and "As it Was" by Harry Styles.

Now as for songs still showing up on the charts, we have our notable gains, and given January actually has a lot of stuff going on pop music wise, I’m not entirely sure how well these will maintain their momentum but regardless, we do see boosts for… “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” by David Guetta and Kim Petras at #53, “Riptide” by Vance Joy at #49 - oh, this is dire. Noah Kahan’s good, sure, but it really does not mean we need to stomp and holler our way back to 2014. Sigh, elsewhere, at least we have “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #41, but also “Toxic” by Songer at #39 - God, let’s not do this, please - “Perfect (Exceeder)” by Mason and Princess Superstar at #26, “Feather” by Sabrina Carpenter at #19, “Popular” by The Weeknd, Playboi Carti and Madonna getting a second wind at #11 and finally, Teddy Swims with his first top 10 as “Lose Control” rises to #6, not really complaining about that one.

In addition, we see another film-related return with Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” finding use in this romcom Anyone but You which no, I haven’t watched and unlike Saltburn, probably won’t. Regardless, the song debuted and peaked at #6 in 2004 the week that “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid 20 debuted at the top of the charts, and it’s now back at #24. I’m a lot less fond of this one, but it’s mostly fine, I’m more exhausted by how 2024 seems to be going even harder in just reviving catalogue songs instead of having new hits.

As for our top five, it seems pretty standard with “greedy” by Tate McRae at #5, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #4 and “Lovin’ on Me” at #3, but then we have Sophie Ellis-Bextor reaching the same peak she reached back at release with “Murder on the Dancefloor” at #2. I don’t really get why the scene in the film, which whilst memorable, is hardly a worthwhile payoff to that shitfest, but I digress, is what propelled this but I almost think it was just sitting there, ready for any excuse to start skirting up the Spotify charts. Oh, and Noah Kahan’s at #1, of course, let’s check out what’s new, because there’s actually more here than last week… and it’s a bit more interesting… Hell, it’s actually pretty incomprehensible this week, so let’s just find some kind of through line, and we start with a certainty that is oddly comforting nowadays…

New Arrivals

#72 - “Skims” - D-Block Europe

Produced by THESCAM and Hash-K

Ah, my good old friends Young Adz and Dirtbike Lb. It’s even produced by… “THESCAM”, wow, I guess it says gullible on the ceiling of your mansion, guys. They released a mixtape or album or whatever and this is a single from it - yes, we’re getting back to back DBE weeks - and it’s just terrible as you’d expect. The tuned-out piano is almost plugg-esque, and surprisingly enough, Dirtbike Lb handles much of this, talking about women mostly as well as a lot of flexing, and whilst he can’t make a catchy hook to save his life, I like Dirtbike’s voice here, he sounds more… stable than usual, and the drums actually hit fairly hard through the whole song. On an objective level, if there is one, this is one of their most competent lead singles until Young Adz comes in with “Presidential, Emmanuel Macron”. That’s the French President. That’s just the French President, you can’t just say the French President. That’s not a bar. He’s mixed too loud and brags about paying with crypto and giving a girl so much money that she… can’t tax evade anymore. Sure. Good to have you back, guys.

#71 - “Nothing Matters” - The Last Dinner Party

Produced by James Ellis Ford

Alright, we have our first of many sleeper hits to debut this week, but this is actually one of the newer ones, being released just early last year. This is the debut single for all-female indie rock band The Last Dinner Party, hailing from London and getting James Ellis Ford, who’s produced for a who’s who of British alternative acts and Kylie Minogue, to work on their debut album coming out in February. We start with an organ, which is almost ironically religious for this kind of song, as lead singer Abigail Morris, through her very British delivery, pretty much condemns herself prematurely for what she’s about to say, “I have my sentence now”, it seems final and self-loathing for what is pretty much a newfound love song, where her partner is struggling to move on but it’s a complete rush for Morris, who seems to hold a lot of power. They can hold her like they held their last girlfriend, but what she’s going to do is fuck you so good that none of that matters, and yeah, this is brilliant. There’s such a bending character to Morris’ vocals, I love the flailing yacht rock guitars in the verses that end up picking up into an incredibly catchy bass groove peppered by the claps in the basic yet anthemic chorus that doesn’t change because, well, it doesn’t change like much will change at this point. To her, there’s not a third person that matters, or at least there’s not a third opinion she values more than getting off on their misunderstanding, and then that staccato bridge explodes into a great squealing guitar solo that ends up seamlessly mirroring the plastic horns that appear in the back of the - admittedly maybe a bit too compressed - mix for that final chorus, where we get a switch up in the rhythm and some impressive vocal runs from Morris.

#59 - “A Cure for Minds Overall” - Lewis Capaldi

Produced by TMS

…Can I use my free Get Out of Reviewing a Lewis Capaldi Song card? Oh, there are two Lewis Capaldi songs both from his deluxe edition? Sigh… well, I guess I’ll use these for another time. Well, for now, I can say that’s an ugly Britpop guitar tone that easily sounds like it could be a MIDI guitar just playing the same chord again and again, and like all of the songs from this album, Capaldi’s voice is mixed bizarrely, and really close, which could help the song’s intimacy, and mostly does, especially given it’s just as self-loathing and wordy as the others, and it goes for the same explosion of strings and belting as the others for the chorus… but God, it’s so tedious. I actually don’t mind the strings, the lyrics are pretty great, but this mix is such a blur of nothingness and the guitar just doesn’t stop. There are supposedly drums in this but they’re so unimpactful and shrouded by the terrible blending of the strings that it just sounds like a guy arguing with clouds and losing… which may actually be what he’s going for, in all honesty. I suppose it works?

#52 - “Ophelia” - The Lumineers

Produced by Simone Felice

…Why? Okay, so this is a sleeper hit from folk rock group The Lumineers and like I said, we’re stomp and hollering our way back to the days of “Ho Hey” as somehow, “Ophelia”, despite releasing in 2015 and being a minor hit Stateside, had never crossed over to the UK. This is really not my thing, even if I know that it’s really not a bad song. The reverb envelops the mix in a cinematic if slightly cheap, commercial-sounding way, and Wesley Schultz is far from a bad singer, his feature on my favourite song of last year kind of proved that I like his voice way more than I should. The jaunty hook is catchy if a tad unmemorable, carried by the gimmicky piano frolick that I’ve never liked, and you can hear he’s straining a bit in the third verse, out of a slight frustration but not a specific one. This song has always felt like vague-posting about a relationship to me and not in a very effective way because there’s little poetic about this song. I’m sorry, I don’t dislike these guys, I’m just not big on this one at all. I get why it’s going to probably be a hit now, I’m not really happy about it.

#37 - “Strangers” - Lewis Capaldi

Produced by The Monsters & Strangerz and Michael Pollack

Okay, our second effort from Mr. Capaldi here… he references “Wonderwall” within 10 seconds, and that’s not the last time we’ll be talking about Oasis, it’s one of those weeks. Anyway, this is just awkward: Lewis isn’t really fit for the fast-paced melody he uses given his frail, froggy voice, and there’s not much to cover that up given the minimal piano and strings backing. I genuinely think this could be a great song if just put against some real rock guitar and groove, it has an insanely catchy lead melody in the chorus that would rip in a pop rock context, but here we just have adult contemporary mush about a breakup… has this guy had 47 breakups or is he just talking about the same one each time? I mean, I guess it’s better than the last one because the mix sounds slightly more professional, but there’s not exactly much to latch onto here either.

#27 - “Practice” - Drake

Produced by 40 and Drake

This is a deep cut from 2011’s Take Care. What the Hell is going on?! To be fair, it’s still Drake, but it’s not even a song he’s pushing or got any kind of boost outside of a TikTok trend and, well, it fits the climate of pop music right now at least, since it samples the bounce classic “Back that Azz Up” by JUVENILE featuring Mannie Fresh, who also produced one of the most recognisable beats of all time, and a young Lil Wayne on the bridge. The Weeknd says he wrote the hook but it’s word for word from “Back that Azz Up” so not really sure what he’s going on about there. The explicit yet undeniable club jam actually never charted in the UK, but hey, now we have Drake singing it to yet another stripper he’s in love with. As for that version, I’ve never been a fan of this era of Drake, where he takes himself uber-seriously, can barely sing and is pathetic in a murkier way that just bothers me more than it allows me to laugh at him, especially when he just… recites the chorus to “Back that Azz Up” over a cloudy alternative R&B beat, and a lot of Juvie’s first for that matter. Outside of the drums, which sound straight from 2011, this isn’t exactly a beat too far from what Drake is putting out right now - he’d probably add a female vocal sample and 21 Savage guest verse if he were to make it today - so I suppose I guess why it’s here, but I can get this vibe done much more compellingly from early Weeknd, I see little value in this, or really the album as a whole in 2024, other than constructing the guy’s wounded armour in the public eye. I do hear people say they want the old Drake, so I guess the fans just put their streams where their mouths were.

#21 - “Kool-Aid” - Bring Me the Horizon

Produced by Zakk Cervini, Oli Sykes and Dan Lancaster

This cover art looks like an edgy AI prompt for “Kool-Aid Man digital art”. The Horizon boys have released many a single from this upcoming album, and I’m actually less excited with each one I hear, so I’m cautious here, especially given… well, it’s called “Kool-Aid”. Welp, is this an “Oh Yeah!” moment? No, not at all. This is an “Oh no” at best, and maybe that’s giving it too much credit. I do like the build-up with the shuttering synths and two-clap drop in the intro, but the rest of the song spends so much of its runtime in muddy breakdown mode that it just fails to function in any other way, despite going for screaming breakdowns afterwards as if the song had any momentum in the first place, with Oli Sykes going on about drinking the Kool-Aid and, man, I don’t think the social commentary is that interesting or up to date, and the violent relationship analogies aren’t nearly as transgressive as he thinks they are. The haunting backing vocals from Lucy Landry in the bridge are pretty sick, but they once again find themselves in a song that REALLY wants you to convince you on something, but never really tells you what that something is. They go all out with every Bring Me the Horizon trick in the book for the final chorus and it just seems desperate. I’ll pass on this, I hope there’s more to the deep cuts.

#16 - “Just Another Rainbow” - Liam Gallagher and John Squire

Produced by Greg Kurstin

This was headed for #1 on Sunday, really. Now at a much more reasonable spot but still higher than Liam Gallagher should be in 2024, this is the lead single from a collaborative album between Mr. Gallagher and John Squire, who used to be the guitarist for The Stone Roses, an influential and for what they were, incredibly popular rock band from the Madchester scene in the late 80s and early 90s. They actually released two top 40 comeback singles in 2016, to which Squire contributed, but have otherwise been largely inactive, with this being his first top 40 hit to his own name, with Squire making a guest appearance at Gallagher’s recent Knebworth performances in tribute to him guest starring at Oasis’ classic 1996 concert there, which I guess rekindled something in the duo. Is this slice of 90s alt-rock nostalgia going to be any good? You know what? Probably not, but on this week I’ll take it. Liam’s voice is still grating but that psychedelic guitar lick is pretty washed-out and cool, and I think the way the mirroring bass is mixed against it makes it sound pretty interesting instrumentally. It sounds lost and uncertain, finding itself only when the drums come in and it turns into a bit of a bluesy rocker that is just solid. There’s little to complain about other than Liam’s voice just being an acquired taste, as the song just slides itself to and fro, with some lyrics where he literally just lists the colours of the rainbow at some point, it’s kind of silly. I don’t see this lasting even a second week and it’s of course not the best of the rock songs of this week, even if it has the coolest solo of all of them: it feels really dynamic and kind of goes on forever in a soaring linger. If anything is proven by this song, I mean, John Squire still has it after all those years just painting away. That’s good to know.

Conclusion

Best of the Week should be pretty obvious, it’s going to The Last Dinner Party for “Nothing Matters”, which is actually fantastic and almost shocked me since I don’t expect much to stand out from the charting remains of indie landfill. Speaking of, I mean I guess it’s typical that another rock song gets the Honourable Mention, but no one was really competing with “Just Another Rainbow” by Liam Gallagher and John Squire, since the rest of this week really was kind of garbage. I actually think Bring Me the Horizon, who I do like around half of the time, snab Worst of the Week for “Kool-Aid”, which I feel second-hand embarrassment for. The Dishonourable Mention… give it to Lewis Capaldi. Moreso for the first one, but it’s not like “Strangers” is saving that sinking ship. As for what’s on the horizon, no pun intended, we’ll probably Ari and Lil Nas X playing an incredibly unbalanced game of tug-of-war for the #1. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

[farklelucas]

i was tagged by @amarakaran to post my 6 recent fave songs 💕 ty sunny ily and this was fun!! i put these in no particular order bc. i cant make decisions xoxo

BEJEWLED | TAYLOR SWIFT (2022) - this song. bangs so hard. this song is the inverse of my mental illness where im like “ill be whoever you want me to be to fit in” where im like!! i will be cool as hell and dope as fuck and myself and i hope i stand out bitch!! feel good anthem of the winter cured my seasonal depression

THE BALLAD OF JANE DOE | RIDE THE CYCLONE (2008) - i have never had an operatic range but nothing gives me the CONFIDENCE that i do quite like this one. its so hauntingly beautiful, it’s an incredible show, and i absolutely scream it in the shower so. 10/10.

POINTLESS | LEWIS CAPALDI (2023) - i literally haven’t yearned like this in ages and it’s all lewis capaldi’s fault that bastard. this song makes me absolutely batshit crazy and it makes me want love so bad so i highly recommend it UNLESS you’re a hopeless romantic single person in which case maybe don’t

I’M SO HOT | CHRISSY CHALPEKA (2023) - FINALLY MY HOT GIRL ANTHEM HAS DROPPED it bangs so hard!!! truly a feel good banger for hot babes everywhere. the devil works hard but chrissy works harder. go stream for clear skin.

IF I BELIEVED | TWISTED (2013) - whew. speaking of yearning. the soulmates.... the lost love.... the dedication. the wanting to believe rather than believing. i’m on my hopeless romantic bs again just trust me it drives me crazy 

HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER | MARINA (2012) - i listened to this song when i was like 13 and i never looked back. do i actually know how to be a heartbreaker? no. but i know the instructions like the back of my hand. my theme for music rn is yearning n hot girl bangers and this is a hot girl banger!!!

tagging: @narcissusanasui @alienjack @geometricalien @jingo-raichi @raeflora only if you want to and also whoever else wants to do it and say i tagged you xoxo

[shipskicksandgiggles]

Nine People Tag

Rules: Get tagged, answer the questions, then tag nine people you wanna get to know better

thanks for the tag @sarah-sandwich-writes!!! I love these so much

Last song: tried to check my Spotify history and realized I’ve been listening to the magnus archives since I got home, so I’ll take a shot in the dark and say probably fob’s we didn’t start the fire because it’s been on repeat lately

Last movie: the new Indiana Jones! I saw it this morning with my dad, it was quite good. absolutely the best way to end the movies, and the ending made me tear up a little I won’t lie

(I almost said local hero because that was the last movie I watched at home, and I had to look up the name of only knowing Peter Capaldi was in it, and boy howdy was this a hell of a way to find out he’s related to Lewis Capaldi, which should not have been as much of a shock as it was but here we are)

Currently watching: the sandman! my roommate and I started watching earlier this week. I also have doctor who always on repeat but I’m stuck on season 10. I always stall out near the end

Currently reading: the magic strings of Frankie presto by Mitch Albom. it’s an old favorite, I’ve read it like four times now but I love it dearly and it’s my go to when I need something but have no energy for something new

Currently craving: peaches and cola gummies. Im craving peaches just because it’s summer, and I think it’s the texture of the gummies that makes me want them. I would also. like a hug that lasts approximately 12 hours so my bones don’t feel like they’re vibrating out of my skin

Last thing I looked up for writing purposes: I don’t know if this counts but I searched gifs to see which way the doors of the family video opened for a fic I posted a couple weeks ago. I haven’t looked much up recently since most of my writing has been all things I haven’t needed help with

tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to share (this is code for its 1am and I can’t think of nine people, sorry!)

[cyarskaren52]

Considering the tragic events of losing Kobe Bryant, Gigi and seven others in that tragic plane crash its easy to forget that this happened on the same day as the 62nd annual Grammy Awards.

it’s not uncommon for awards shows to learn how to handle such tragedy that will overshadow the award ceremony coverage. What is however how they handle it that matters most.

in my opinion, this award show handled it perfectly. Yes it was entertaining but at the same time seeing all the tributes made it emotional at the same time and it was blended perfectly with one not overshadowing the other

Alicia Keys Seems to Reference Grammys Turmoil in Speech

“We want to be respected and safe,” the host said during the ceremony, in a possible nod to the Recording Academy’s internal chaos and Deborah Dugan’s removal.

The insider turmoil looming over the Grammy Awards was summed up pretty succinctly early in the ceremony on Sunday night.

“Let me be honest with y’all,” Alicia Keys, the ceremony’s host, said in a pre-song spiel from behind the piano. “It’s been a hell of a week. Damn.”

The longer version: A battle within the Recording Academy, the organization behind the awards show, came to a head 10 days before the ceremony when the academy’s new chief executive, Deborah Dugan, was removed from her position.

Dugan, in a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, said the organization retaliated against her for exposing sexual harassment, corruption in the awards’ nominations process and conflicts of interest. The academy in turn said Dugan fostered a toxic work environment.

Dugan’s tenure, as brief as it was — she joined in August — signaled what could have been a step forward for an institution criticized for a gender imbalance and lack of diversity.

For a community of artists anxious for progress, her abrupt exit struck a sour note — a sentiment Keys seemed to echo in her speech.

“It’s a new decade,” she said. “It’s time for newness. And we refuse the negative energy. We refuse the old systems. You feel me on that?”

“We want to be respected and safe in our diversity,” Keys continued. “We want to be shifting to realness and inclusivity. So tonight, we want to celebrate the people, the artists that put themselves on the line and share their truth with us.”

Keys’s performance was a play on the song of the year nominee “Someone You Loved,” by the 23-year-old Scottish singer Lewis Capaldi. The theme of her speech continued with her lyric: “It’s when people do nothing that the bad guys win.”

Dua Lipa, presenting the award for best new artist with Keys, also took a moment to acknowledge gender equality in the music industry. “There are so many stellar female producers, artists, songwriters, engineers,” she said. “And if you’re in the business, and you’re hiring, raise your sights to the amazing, talented women out there, because we all deserve a seat at every table.”

Below is Keys’s full speech.

O.K. We’re back. And here I am in my favorite place, at the piano, where I always go when I need a little energy. You know what I mean? When I need a little, when I need some good vibes, I come here. So let me give us some background music while I’m talking. Because let me be honest with y’all: It’s been a hell of a week. Damn. This is a really, it’s a serious one. Real talk, there’s a lot going on. And can I also have a little more piano in my ears please so I can properly serenade the people? You know, I need to serenade y’all for a minute. But you know what? I’m proud to be standing here, you know? I am. I am. And I’m proud to be here as an artist, for the artists, with the people. And I feel the energy of all the beautiful artists in this room. It’s going to be an amazing night, amazing night. Because it’s a new decade. It’s a new decade. It’s time for newness. And we refuse the negative energy. We refuse the old systems. You feel me on that? We want to be respected and safe in our diversity. We want to be shifting to realness and inclusivity. So tonight, we want to celebrate the people, the artists that put themselves on the line and share their truth with us. And I mean, we got the incredible Billie Eilish right here in this building. That’s great. That’s my little sister right there. We got Lizzo, who just owned the stage. Eight nominations and already a winner tonight. We have the magnificent Ariana right here in the building tonight. You see us? You see us? We’re unstoppable. We get to be who we want to be. We get to be different. We get to be unique. We get to be everything, right now. So I’m looking forward to being here together with all of us, again, celebrating this music. Because I know how much Kobe loved music. I know how much he loved music. So we’ve got to make this a celebration in his honor, you know? He would want us to keep the vibrations high. You know music is that one language we can all speak. It don’t matter where we’re from. We all understand it. So I want to show some love to some of the artists who spoke this language so beautifully with us this year. So I’ve got something for you.

Sent from my iPhone

[sunskate]

IAM Programs 2023-24

Holly Harris/Jason Chan 🇦🇺AUS RD: Madonna, Material Girl, Into the Groove, Express Yourself FD: Colossal Trailer Music, Ocean Lullaby; Christian Reindl, Lucie Paradis, Gefion, Freya; Christian Reindl, Lucie Paradis, Power-Haus, Vale choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil

Alicia Fabbri/Paul Ayer 🇨🇦CAN RD: AC/DC, Back in Black, Hells Bells, You Shook Me All Night Long FD: keeping FD from last season- Lewis Capaldi: Someone You Loved choreo: Zachary Donohue RD, Marie-France Dubrueil FD

Laurence Fournier-Beaudry/Nikolaj Soerensen 🇨🇦CAN RD: Top Gun - Harold Faltemeyer, Top Gun Anthem; Kenny Loggins, Playing with the Boys; Berlin, Take My Breath Away; Miami Sound Machine, Hot Summer Nights; Kenny Loggins, Danger Zone FD: Notre Dame de Paris - Mario Pelchat, Danse Mon Esmerelda- Acoustic; Monks of the Abbey of Notre Dame, Final Angelus Bells; Noa, Ave Maria Paien; Cirque du Soleil, Les Sans-Papiers; Garou, Danse Mon Esmerelda choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil, Romain Haguenauer, Ginette Cournoyer, Samuel Chouinard

Sandrine Gauthier/Quentin Thieren 🇨🇦CAN RD: Joan Jett, I Love Rock n Roll; Def Leppard, Pour Some Sugar on Me; Twisted Sister, I Wanna Rock FD: Game of Thrones choreo:

Marjorie Lajoie/Zachary Lagha 🇨🇦CAN RD: Michael Jackson, Thriller FD: Jean-Michel Blais, Roses choreo: Romain Haguenauer, Ginette Cournoyer

Marie-Jade Lauriault/Romain LeGac 🇨🇦CAN RD: INXS, Need You Tonight, Never Tear Us Apart, Devil Inside FD: Danny Elfman, Corpse Bride choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil, Romain Haguenauer, Sam Chouinard, Ginette Cournoyer

Emmy Bronsard/Jacob Richmond 🇨🇦CAN RD: Les Rita Mitsouko, Andy, Marcia Baïla FD: Muse, Exogenesis Symphony part 3 choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil

Shiyue Wang/Xinyu Liu 🇨🇳CHN RD: Falco, Rock Me Amadeus FD: LP, Forever for Now, The One That You Love choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil

Solene Mazingue/Marjo Jevgeni Gaidajenko 🇪🇪EST RD: Run-DMC, Walk This Way; Salt ‘n Peoa, Push It FD: Tems, No Woman No Cry; Rihanna, Lift Me Up

Evgeniia Lopareva/Geoffrey Brissaud 🇫🇷FRA RD: Myléne Farmer, Sans Contrefaçon, Tristana FD: Rachmaninoff, Elegie in eb minor, Prelude in c# minor choreo: Romain Haguenauer RD, Guillaume Cizeron FD

Lilah Fear/Lewis Gibson 🇬🇧GBR RD: Eurhythmics, Sweet Dreams, Here Comes the Rain Again FD: Rocky choreo: Romain Haguenauer, Samuel Chouinard, Ginette Cournoyer

Misato Komatsubara/Tim Koleto 🇯🇵JPN RD: Ghostbusters FD: Loving You (from Passion) Barbara Streisand & Patrick Wilson; Love Grows (from Final Fantasy VIII) Nobuo Uematsu (choreo: Romain Haguenauer) choreo: Romain Haguenauer, Marie-France Dubreuil, Ginette Cournoyer, Sam Chouinard, Eva Airapetian

Azusa Tanaka/Shingo Nishiyama 🇯🇵JPN RD: Super Mario Bros. FD: Giselle choreo: Romain Haguenauer

Hannah Lim/Ye Quan 🇰🇷KOR RD: Prince, When Doves Cry, Let's Go Crazy FD: Umbrellas of Cherbourg choreo: Romain Haguenauer RD, Marie-France Dubreuil FD

Allison Reed/Saulius Ambrulevicius 🇱🇹LTU RD: Guns n' Roses, Welcome to the Jungle, Paradise City FD: Son Lux, Enough of Our Machines; Tokio Myers, Children choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil, Sam Chouinard

Olivia Smart/Tim Dieck 🇪🇸ESP RD: Blondie, Call Me, Rapture FD: Strauss, Also Sprach Zarathustra; Elvis Presley, Fever choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil, Romain Haguenauer

Kayleigh Macsymek/Felix Desmarais 🇨🇭SUI RD: Beverly Hills Cop - Harold Faltermeyer, Axel F; Corey Hart, Hold On; Glenn Frey, The Heat is On

Mariia Holubtsova & Kyryl Bielobrov 🇺🇦UKR RD: Bonnie Tyler, Holding out for a Hero; Bonnie Tyler, Bryan Adams, Straight From the Heart; Bonnie Tyler, Desmond Child, If I Were a Woman (and You Were a Man) FD: Joe Hisaishi, Merry Go Round of Life, Fragile Dream, A Walk in the Skies (Howl's Moving Castle) choreo: Romain Haguenauer, Pascal Denis, Sam Chouinard

Oona Brown/Gage Brown 🇺🇸USA RD: Elton John, This Town, Satellite, I'm Still Standing FD: Eric Carmen, All By Myself choreo: Patrice Lauzon, Romain Haguenauer, Joel Dear

Madison Chock/Evan Bates 🇺🇸USA RD: Queen, Another One Bites the Dust, Who Wants to Live Forever, I Want it All FD: Pink Floyd, Time, Breathe, Eclipse choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil

Kaitlin Hawayek/Jean-Luc Baker 🇺🇸USA RD: U2, With or Without You FD: Fred Again, Kyle (Northern Line); Charles LeClerc, AUS23 (1:1) choreo: Marie-France Dubreuil, Kaitlin Hawayek, Jean-Luc Baker

Sara Kishimoto/Atsuhiko Tamura 🇯🇵JPN jrs RD: Styx, Mr.Roboto FD: keeping FD from last season - Pulp Fiction choreo: Romain Haguenauer, Sam Chouinard, Ginette Cournoyer, Eva Airapetian

Jamie Fournier/Everest Zhu 🇨🇦CAN jrs RD: Soft Cell, Frustration, Seedy Films, Tainted Love FD: Damien Rice, The Blower's Daughter; Melanie Laurent feat. Damien Rice, Uncomfortable choreo: Romain Haguenauer

[rayeverreviews]

My Personal Chart Review (31/5/23)

bias again slay

Well, this was an incredibly busy week. For our top 5, Remember continues its top 10 run up to #5, with Like I Used To slipping from #1 to #4, Side Effects drops 1 to #3 but still gains in performances, with I Go Dancing returning to the runner up spot and Jazzy claiming her 2nd #1 (1st solo) with Giving Me.

For our losers and dropouts, we had quite a few in the latter category. Off the return last week, Blow Your Mind (Mwah) by Dua Lipa is gone from #10, Wish You The Best by Lewis Capaldi loses all of its momentum from #37, Chasing Pavements by Adele couldn’t stick for another week as it exits from #52, while Vibration (One More Time) fades naturally from #53. Meanwhile, I Wrote A Song by Mae Muller and Unicorn by Noa Kirel are out from #60 and #62 respectively as their Eurovision boosts wear off and Princess Diana by Ice Spice & Nicki Minaj underperforms as it leaves from #65. Now for album falloffs, with Lewis Capaldi also losing Forget Me off the return from #67. As for piri & tommy, they lost on & on from #56, beachin’ from #63, player 2 from #64, settle from #68, say it from #70 and can we from #73. Furthermore, we also lost Curtains by Ed Sheeran from #61, River by Miley Cyrus from #71, Set Me Free by D.O.D from #72 and Oscar Winning Tears. by RAYE from #74 which quite comfortably clinched its year-end list spot. As for our losers, Finally by Jonas Blue & RANI slips down to #22, Cupid - Twin Version by FIFTY FIFTY, Miracle by Calvin Harris & Ellie Goulding and Like Crazy by Jimin all take big hits to #32, #33 and #36 respectively, with Can’t Tame Her and No Sleep down to #38 and #39. This week was a pretty bad week for both RAYE & Mahalia with Five Star Hotels. down to #42, Worth It. at #43, Terms and Conditions at #44 and Flip A Switch. completely collapsing down to #48. Meanwhile, ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine is back down to #51, 21 Reasons and Better Love fall to #57 and #58 respectively, Kill Bill by SZA continues its big losses down to #65, 10:35 by Tiësto & Tate McRae also collapses to #68 with Whistle by Jax Jones & Calum Scott making its way out at #69 and our final loss comes from piri & tommy, as words falls off the album boost to #70. What a list.

As for our gains and returns, well given the huge list of losers & dropouts there were quite a few. All By Myself by Alok, Sigala & Ellie Goulding is back in at #75, Oh No You Didn’t by Hix & Kelli-Leigh returns at #73, Snow On The Beach by Taylor Swift & Lana Del Rey is back in at #60 due to the release of the new version with a full Lana verse, Calm Down by Rema & Selena Gomez surprisingly has a very good week as it’s back in at #55, Stay The Night by Sigala & Talia Mar surges back to #50, Be The One by Dua Lipa returns at #35 (more on the reason why later) and finally False Alarm by Matoma & Becky Hill is back again at #30. As for our gains, Substitution by Purple Disco Machine & Kungs soars off the debut to #52, Pretty Boys by Caity Baser continues its resurgence to #26, I Found You by Sub Focus & Hayla rebounds to #25, Fly Girl by FLO & Missy Elliott continues up to #18, Because Of You by Gustaph surges into the top 10 at #10, Karma by Taylor Swift jumps up to #8 thanks to the Ice Spice remix and finally Hell N Back by Bakar continues its gains at #7.

Now that’s over with, let’s start off with our debuts

#74 That Part by Lauren Spencer Smith

Now I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m a huge fan of Lauren Spencer Smith, and so far I’m really liking the singles being pushed with this being no different. In this single, Lauren takes a step away from her breakup singles and actually sings about a happy relationship, and wow it definitely works. I expect this to rise in the coming weeks, and this isn’t the last we’re hearing of her today.

#72 live more & love more by Cat Burns

Cat Burns is back once again with another single. This one had been bubbling under for a few weeks before making the top 100, and it has now eventually found its way here. And yeah, I really like this one. I love Cat’s voice and I’m a huge fan of pretty much all her singles with this again being no different. Solid stuff.

#71 Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran

Earlier this month, Ed Sheeran released his 6th studio album “-“, which unfortunately is one of his worst performing albums ever. It’s a damn shame because all the singles from this album so far are bloody great, including this. It was decent at first but I’ve found it to have really been growing on me the past few weeks and now it’s made it here. And my god this is so much better than any of the singles on “=“. Ed’s voice really suits the more acoustic sound “-“ was going for, and I really like the way Ed went with this. Never did I think I’d be this positive about a lead single from one of his albums but this is bloody good.

#64 Best Friend Breakup by Lauren Spencer Smith

This is definitely my most favourite track from the album rollout so far, although I’m really shocked it’s only just debuting now. In this song, Lauren sings about her ex best friend, saying how everybody thought they were sisters and how she didn’t expect this “best friend breakup” to hurt this much. And god damn she does it incredibly well. This will definitely see a decent climb next week.

#59 Escape by Kx5, deadmau5, Kaskade & Hayla

So this is a song that charted on the US EDM chart between last year and this year which I only recently checked out, and yeah I’ve been missing out. The production is really damn good with Hayla’s incredible vocals really making the song feel alive and I’m just mad I didn’t check it out sooner.

#56 Padam Padam by Kylie Minogue

I really didn’t expect this to be the route Kylie would go down. But she did not disappoint. Like with Head & Heart the chorus is about the noises of the heart, so I was pretty much guaranteed to like this. The production is really good with Kylie’s vocals still aging beautifully as she shows she’s still got it. I’m glad this is becoming a hit in the UK after A Second To Midnight missed completely along with Magic missing the top 40.

#49 MADELINE by INJI

So this is a recommendation from one of my friends Noah ajc, who actually charted 2 songs himself this week (more on that later, but he definitely had a good week didnt he 😅). And yeah, this is really good. It absolutely reminds me of something Charli XCX would do and I really like it. The production is basic but very fun with the vocalists sounding like Charli herself at certain points. If you haven’t already and you’re a fan of Charli XCX, check this out.

#34 Dance The Night (from Barbie: The Movie Soundtrack) by Dua Lipa

We have the welcome return of Dua Lipa, however this time with a single from the new Barbie movie she’s starring in, which is out in July. And this is so Future Nostalgia (positive). Her vocals never disappoint with Mark Robson’s production definitely taking it back to FN. Overall this is an absolute bop and if you liked Future Nostalgia, you’re bound to love this.

#29 tenner by Noah ajc & Esotie

So, here’s the first of two tracks from Noah this week. Now originally I was actually going to make a remix of this but unfortunately I wasn’t able to get it to work, but this song is unironically good anyways. I’m not even sure how to describe it, but it’s hilarious and a bop at the same time. Esotie’s verse is a highlight, but Noah’s heavily autotuned vocals really stand out and all in all it’s genuinely unironically good. Check it out.

#19 i hate me more by Noah ajc

Now the reason this charted is due to a remix with one of my good friends, Filey Frog. I haven’t actually listened to the original yet but the remix is incredibly infectious, with really damn good production and Noah’s vocals actually really suit it a lot. I expect this to stick around for quite a bit, this is some good stuff.

#16 Hits Different by Taylor Swift

And finally we have the last debut. This was originally a CD exclusive track that was released onto streaming upon the release of the Til Dawn Edition of Midnights, and this is absolutely awesome. In fact, I’d say it’s my favourite from the Midnights era and one of my favourite Taylor songs in general. As soon as I heard it I fell in love, and it’s a big fan favourite which I can absolutely see why and agree with. As the title says, it really does Hit Different. 🥁

So, Hits Different by Taylor Swift gets this week’s Best of the Week, with the Honourable Mention being a tie between Best Friend Breakup by Lauren Spencer Smith & i hate me more by Noah ajc. Next week, expect a couple of pretty big gains.

[ragingbookdragon]

Tonight You're Gonna Go Down In Flames, Just Like Jesse James

A Jason Todd x Reader Story

Word Count: 7.9K Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst, Mentions of Blood and Violence

Author's Note: This is the series I did a week or so ago. I figured I'd combine it into one big document so no one had to go searching for all the parts. Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

It was a horrible idea in the first place and yet, of all the bad decisions she’d made in her entire life, this one apparently was going to take first place. Of course, part of her told her to just chuck her feelings into the back of her mind and leave them there, but the longer she spent around him, the stronger they got. And regardless of how terrible her love life was—and to be completely honest, it was horrible—she was going to admit her feelings and accept whatever outcome came. What’s the worst he could say? No? No, she didn’t think he’d say that. He flirted with her all the time, called her doll, and complimented her on her reading habits—no one had ever done that.

***

She shifted the red roses into the crook of her elbow, free hand nervously smoothing down her pink sundress, discomfort running up and down her spine as she waited on the front porch of the imposing manor. She’d gone to his apartment earlier but after he hadn’t answered, she remembered that he’d once mentioned the manor as a secondary hangout, prompting her to go there after.

Inhaling sharply, she quickly took the flowers back into her hand when the door opened, and she smiled widely at the older man who stood before her. “Hello, you must be Mister Pennyworth.” she greeted warmly. “I’m (Y/N) (L/N), a friend of Jason’s. Is he here?” she raised the flowers and the gift box in her hand. “I’ve got something for him.”

The man smiled and stepped aside, letting her in. “Of course, Miss (Y/N), please allow me to fetch Master Jason.”

“Oh, you don’t have to call me—and he’s already gone,” she whispered. “Wow, he moves fast for an old man.” Her eyes drifted to the portrait above the hall table and she smiled at the faces of him and his brothers. They looked rather regal for the humorous stories he told her all the time. Footsteps drew her attention away and she turned, smiling at Jason as he walked towards her. He wore a surprised smile, but it was a smile, nonetheless.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here?” he asked and when she opened her mouth all she managed was a dumb, ‘uh…’ then she shoved the flowers in his face.

“These are for you.” She replied, face heating up as his fingers brushed hers when he took them.

Jason brought the bouquet of roses to his nose and inhaled. “Wow, they’re beautiful, (Y/N).” He gave her that smile that had her stomach fluttering. “Thank you.”

She nodded and held the gift box up too, no longer than about nine inches and about eight wide. “This is for you too.”

“Thank you,” he said, tucking the flowers into his elbow while he unwound the twine rope and opened the box top. He shifted away the tissue paper and pulled out a small book, about the size of his hand and his eyes went wide. “Is this—”

(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah! You mentioned that you wanted a pocket booklet of Emily Dickinson’s poems…so I went scrounging some old bookstores and found one.” She smiled bashfully. “For you.”

He huffed a laugh of disbelief and pulled her in for a quick hug. She tried not to pass out in his arms as he breathed in her ear, “Thank you, (Y/N). Really, thank you, so much.”

“It was no big deal,” she brushed off, pulling away from him and he shook his head.

“Well, it is to me,” he retorted with a grin, then gestured to her. “But I don’t understand, what brought this on?” he nudged her in the side humorously quipping, “I didn’t forget a gift exchange, did I?”

(Y/N) laughed. “No, no you didn’t, it’s just…” she trailed off, falling quiet.

“It’s just…” he repeated, tone and eyes ever curious, and she swallowed thickly.

It’s now or never, (Y/N). Just tell him how you feel.

She motioned to the book. “Well…they say it’s easier to relay feelings when you give gifts.” Smiling, she confessed, “Jason, I…have feelings for you. Really, really strong feelings.” He went slack jawed, and though she felt a pang of embarrassment, she kept speaking. “And I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out on a date with me tonight? There’s this really nice café uptown that has good soups…or maybe we could go to a bar and get a beer together?”

Clearing her throat, she added, with a flustered smile, “Whatever you wanna do of course. I’d be happy as long as you’re with me.”

He was silent. Jason was completely silent, and she wasn’t sure what was worse, his silence or the shock etched across his face, but she kept hoping for the best. That was until he said her name. And the tone he used…she knew instantly what was coming and all she wanted to do was shove her hand against his mouth and tell him to forget she ever said anything.

“(Y/N)…” he started sympathetically, recovering rather slowly. “I’m flattered,” he admitted, raising the flowers and book in his hands. “For the gifts, really I am…but…” Jason shook his head and gave her a pitied smile. “But I don’t feel the same way that you do…and I am sorry.”

For a moment she couldn’t remember how to breathe, simply gazing at the man she’d been friends with for the past seven months and trying to figure out how she interpreted every moment so horribly wrong. All the kind words and hugs. All the smiles and laughter. All of it.

“(Y/N)?” Jason worried. “Are you alright?”

She blinked, suddenly feeling a flush of coldness ebbing out through her stomach and down her limbs; she nodded, pursing her lips. “Yeah—I’m okay.” (Y/N) cleared her throat and pointed back towards the door. “I’m…I’m gonna go…”

She hadn’t even gotten a foot away when he caught the sleeve of her pink sweater and stopped her. “(Y/N), I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you like this.”

Sucking up all the embarrassment and heartbreak back in, she turned and let out a ‘pfft’, waving her hand as she lied, “What? No! I totally get it, Jason. Absolutely.”

He seemed unconvinced and she hated how he always knew something was off about her at every moment. “Are you sure?”

(Y/N) couldn’t fight the wobble in her lip as she nodded. “Mhm. Completely.” She tugged out of his grasp. “But I totally remembered that I have a thing to do. A very important thing not here.” She gestured to the door. “So I should go. Like now.”

This time, she didn’t wait when he called out to her and she yanked open the door and closed it behind her as fast as she could, hurrying down the steps to her car.

She climbed in, immediately gripped the steering wheel and pressed her forehead to the top of it, eyes starting to water as she tried to get her breathing under control. Her fingers fumbled with the keys and after the fourth missing of the ignition, she burst into tears and dropped her keys. Her lips wobbled and her sight was blinded as she reached for her keys in the floorboard and when she got them, she shoved them into the slot and twisted, barely hearing the engine roaring to life.

Wiping a hand across her face, she could’ve cared less about the makeup smearing across her skin and she put the car into drive, hoping that with every foot of distance she put between her car and the manor, she could leave a broken heart behind.

Because what was the worst thing he could’ve said?

No?

That was exactly it.

***Part Two***

Of all the bad decisions she’d ever made, this was probably the worst, and all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and ride out every emotion that was coming onto her like a maelstrom. Every bad date, every failed notion of love just kept washing over her, but this one seemed like the nail in the coffin. She drove aimlessly for hours before she realized it was seven o’clock; a quick stop at her apartment and she fed her cat, also wiping the makeup and tear tracks off her skin before she wandered on foot with the direction of anywhere and nowhere.

***

Collapsing onto one of the benches that sat at the pier of Gotham Bay, she sighed heavily and gazed out at the water. It was calm compared to the storm inside and she propped her elbow on the railing, fist against her cheek, sighing again.

There was no way she could go to work and act like everything was okay. Kelly-Anne was going to drill her all about her “date” and she didn’t even go on one. She groaned. I never should’ve told her that I was going to ask Jason out. That’s going to be more embarrassing than being rejected by him. Another groan escaped her and she bent forward, burying her face in the floral dress pattern. I even wore a stupid dress and heels. Going slack, she let her feelings wash over her.

Something grabbed her shoulder. “Hey.”

“AHHHHH!” She yanked away, shooting up to see one of the masked vigilantes of Gotham city before her.

“Woah, woah!” they calmed, hands outstretched non-threateningly. “I’m not gonna hurt you!”

She pressed a hand to her chest and let out a sigh of relief, reclining on the bench as she heaved, “Oh my God, I thought—I don’t know what I thought you were.” A flighty laugh passed her lips. “You scared the hell out of me, Nightwing.”

He smiled and laughed. “Sorry. I saw you over here and thought I was going to find a new reason to call GCPD.”

“No, no,” she affirmed. “Just…dealing with things.”

Taking a seat beside her, he crossed his ankles and leaned back on the bench. “By groaning beside Gotham Bay at nine o’clock?”

She shot him a heat-less glare. “It was that or drown myself in cheap wine and Lewis Capaldi.”

He seemed to know what she was talking about, surmising, “Heartache?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” she muttered, lolling her head back on the bench, trying to ignore his steady gaze.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N).” She grinned. “What’s yours?”

Nightwing chuckled. “Afraid I can’t give that out or I’ll be in with the Big-Bat.” She giggled and he followed with, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

(Y/N) pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nah…you’ve got better things to do than help a girl nurse a broken heart.”

“Sometimes the better thing to do is talk with someone.” When she met his eyes, he smiled wholeheartedly. “Try me. I’m a good listener.”

Something ached in her chest and after a moment of staring at him, she swallowed thickly and sighed. “There’s this guy I’ve been friends with for a few months now. And he’s really kind and intelligent and super good looking and I—” she shrugged. “I fell in love with him. I mean, it was hard not too with how amazing of a man he is.”

Nightwing nodded. “What’s his name?”

“Jason Todd,” she said, and she couldn’t help the smile that came across her lips. “One of the first times we were hanging out, I told him that his first name meant healer in Greek…but he didn’t seem too keen on that definition.”

“How come?” he inquired, and she shrugged again.

“I don’t really know…Jason’s never been all that open about his past.” (Y/N) looked at him. “I think some bad things happened to him when he was younger and he just…doesn’t let people in easily.” She managed a smile. “I feel like all the times he did tell me about his life, it made me feel special, you know? Knowing he trusted me enough to tell me.”

“You really seem to love him,” Nightwing noted and she couldn’t help the tears that gathered in her eyes.

“I do…Jason’s the first guy that’s ever seen me for me.” (Y/N) pursed her lips. “I’m weird. I work in a library and books are my life and I can talk your ear off about how Raymond Carver single-handedly saved the short story genre.” she sighed. “And I’ve always been the nerdy girl in the friend groups who watched everyone else fall in love while she pined from a distance.” She huffed a pitiful laugh that made even his heart tighten. “I mean, I even went to prom alone.”

Her eyes found his. “But Jason made me feel special. He listened and didn’t get upset when I apologized for talking so much. He just smiled and asked me to keep going.” (Y/N) wiped at her eyes. “I thought that we were getting closer, but God I saw all the signs of him being a good friend as romantic.” She groaned and buried her face in her hands. “And it’s so embarrassing to admit that I’m so starved of love that I saw them as loving gestures.” Another groan escaped her. “And then I asked him out today and got rejected.”

He blinked in shock, wondering why his brother would let this girl go. Obviously, they were perfect for each other. He didn’t tell her that though, instead asking, “What happened?”

(Y/N) moaned. “I showed up at his house with flowers and a book he’d been talking about.” She smushed her cheeks and glared out at the water. “And he was really nice about letting me down easy and I wish I could be upset about that, but I can’t because he was respectful.”

She sat back up on the bench and they both gazed at the stars. “Please tell me that even cute superheroes like you have romantic problems.”

Nightwing chuckled and nodded. “Oh, you’d be totally surprised.”

“Yeah?” (Y/N) giggled and he hummed.

“Two of my exes are super-heroines and they’re really good friends.”

She blinked at him. “Okay, yeah, you win, Nightwing.”

He chuckled and turned his neck, falling silent a moment to gaze at her. “…It does get better, (Y/N).”

Her lips pursed. “I know…I just have to wait it out.” She stared into his eyes. “But I don’t think anyone will ever be as great as Jason is.” Her eyes fell to the water and she sighed, “Is it too much to ask though…that I find someone to hold my hand and love me?”

Nightwing took her hand and laced their fingers. “I can’t do the second thing, but I can do the first for a while…if you want?”

(Y/N)’s eyes watered, and she squeezed his hand. “Yeah…I’d like that.” She propped her head on his shoulder, feeling his cheek press against the top of her head.

“Tell me what your favorite poem is, (Y/N).”

“I’ll bore you to death, Nightwing. And I apologize…a lot.”

“Someone tell you that no one cares when you were younger?”

“More than I’m comfortable admitting,” she sniffed. “From a lot of people I respected too.”

Nightwing hummed. “Well…I’m not them. And I care about what your favorite poem is.” He thumbed the back of her hand. “Please tell me.”

She sighed heavily and murmured, “I will hold you with harbor arms. The lighthouse finding a ship against the lonely sea. A shelter as your legs give out under torrential rain. What I’m trying to tell you is, you are safe here.”

He was silent for a minute, then he whispered, “That’s beautiful, (Y/N).”

“I think about it a lot…about it and Jason,” she replied quietly. “I think he’s afraid of love—of loving someone. I’d give anything to let him know that I’m not afraid of whatever skeletons he’s got in his closet…that…that I’m not afraid of him or what he’s afraid he is.”

Tears gathered in her eyes and she turned her head, quietly sobbing into his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I shouldn’t be—I shouldn’t—”

“Shhh,” he whispered, pulling his hand away from hers to curl around her shoulders, giving her a hug. “Let it out. I’m not here to judge you.” He wrapped his other arm around her, resting his chin on her head. “Let it all go, (Y/N).”

And she did. Every rejection throughout her life, from elementary school to high school to every college bar, she let out. Every “You’re not my type” and “I don’t date X girls” she let go of with every heart wrenching sob that tore her throat.

***

She didn’t know how long she cried, but when she was gone, Nightwing’s shoulder was completely soaked and (Y/N) had a raging headache to go with her heartache.

“Feel better?” he questioned when her sobs had subsided into sniffles every minute or two.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “A lot.”

Nightwing smiled. “Sometimes a good cry is all we need.”

“Mhm,” she agreed. “It’s cathartic.”

“Alright, Aristotle,” he chuckled and to her surprise, she found herself laughing. “And there’s the smile!” he cheered, letting her pull away to wipe her face.

“Sorry for boohooing on your shoulder,” (Y/N) apologized and he merely shook his head.

“Nah, don’t mention it.” He brushed off. “I hope someone like you would do the same for me if I needed it.”

She giggled. “Then we’ll meet here when we need good cries, huh, Nightwing?”

He held out his hand, watching her shake it. “Sounds like a good plan, (Y/N).” A siren went off in the distance and his face shifted instantaneously as he rose to his feet. “Rain check on the cry days.”

(Y/N) waved him off. “Don’t worry about it, go save the city.” As he started off, she called out, “Nightwing!”

He spun just for a moment. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

“Anytime, (Y/N),” he winked and turned, sprinting off.

“Be careful!” she yelled and laughed when he waved a hand in the distance.

***Part Three***

She balanced the tin of cupcakes in one hand and opened the door with the other, already more than nervous as she stepped into GCPD. Some of the officers smiled and nodded at her while others merely watched as she walked up to the desk and cleared her throat.

“Excuse me,” she interrupted. “Is Commissioner Gordon here? I’d like to speak with him.”

The man’s eyes went from the cupcake tin to her face and he asked. “Can I ask what for?”

“Oh, yes, I just need to speak with him about something…involving Batman’s, uh…helpers?” she winced. “It’ll be quick, I promise.”

He cocked a brow, but shrugged and grabbed the phone, pushing a button. “Sir, you’ve got someone here to see you…no sir, she just said it dealt with Batman and the others…understood sir.” He hung the phone up. “He’ll over soon.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, and waited for the detective to arrive. When he did, she held her hand out, “Commissioner Gordon?”

He shook her hand. “Good evening, young lady. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I’m (Y/N) and um…it’s a bit complicated actually.”

“We live in a city with men and women who dress up in costumes and fight insane clowns.” He snorted. “We do complicated around here.”

(Y/N) huffed a laugh and nodded. “That’s fair, Commissioner Gordon.” She raised the tray of cupcakes in her hand. “This is going to be really weird, but I was wondering if I could use the spotlight to…call one of them.”

Gordon’s eyes drifted from the cupcakes to her, then back to the desserts. “You wanna use the Bat-Signal to get one of them…so you can give them cupcakes?”

Her mouth opened and closed, then she admitted, “Okay, that sounded a lot better in my head.” She sighed. “It’s not crazy, I swear but—”

“Why don’t you follow me to my office, and we can talk about this, hmm?” he asked, and she nodded.

“That sounds great, sir.” She followed close behind him to a closed-off room and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, waiting for him to sit in his chair.

“So,” he started when he sat down. “Start from the beginning of why you wanna give Batman cupcakes.”

(Y/N)’s cheeks warmed, and she murmured, “Nightwing. I want to give them to Nightwing, actually.” He cocked a brow but said nothing and she cleared her throat. “So, the other week, Nightwing helped me out with something and to repay the debt, I made these.”

“What’d he help you with?” Gordon questioned and she played with the hem of her sweater.

“Uh, he…he, um, helped me with a um…a really embarrassing rejection.” She waved her hand. “And I sobbed like a baby on his shoulder and I just wanna give him these in return and tell him sorry for taking up his valuable time.” (Y/N)’s cheeks felt like they were on fire and she begged, “Please let me use the signal to call and I’ll leave. Promise, sir.”

Gordon watched her for a moment then he chuckled and rose from his desk. “I’ve been doing this for about forty years, and nothing has ever been this funny in my entire life.” She sighed, thinking a ‘no’ was coming and he stood beside her. “Come with me to the elevator and we’ll go up.”

(Y/N) blinked in disbelief. “Wait, what? You’re going to let me?”

“Of all the things I’ve ever had someone come in and ask for? Delivering cupcakes is a new one. And I pride myself on getting the new ones.” He smiled. “Come on.”

Not wanting to blow her chance, she hurried after him with a big smile on her face and soon she was standing next to the giant spotlight, watching it silhouette against the night sky. She waited for a moment, then asked, “So how long does this usually take?”

He grunted. “Takes longer when you ask how long it takes.”

“That makes sense,” she laughed, and someone cleared their throat behind them. Both her and Gordon startled, though his reaction was less noticeable than hers, whereas she jumped a foot in the air.

“Red Hood,” Gordon greeted, holding out a hand to shake. “Good to see you, son.”

“Good to see you as well, Commissioner Gordon.” Red Hood replied. “Big-Bat in charge sent me here to see what was going on. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Gordon said, motioning to (Y/N). “You’ve got a visitor.”

The vigilante turned to her as if finally noticing her presence and he asked, “What’s wrong?”

(Y/N) held out the cupcake tin to him. “I was wondering if you could give these to Nightwing.”

Red Hood glanced down at the cupcakes. “Why’d you make cupcakes for that jerk-off?”

She was shocked to hear such an insult and she bit out, “Well maybe because I wanted to, jerk-off.” He was probably scowling at her from behind that mask, but she wasn’t going to back down. “Nightwing did me a favor last week and I always repay my debts.” (Y/N) held out the tin again. “Will you please give these to him and tell him thank you for his pep-talk?”

Red Hood took the tin from her, asking quietly, “What’d he help you with?”

“Oh my God, why does everyone wanna know?” she griped, then exhaled through her nose. “Fine, I got rejected by a guy I’m in love with, and I boohooed like a baby on a park bench with Nightwing holding my hand like a parent to a child and being super sympathetic.” (Y/N) glared, though she appeared flustered. “Are you happy now, Red Hood?”

“Be a lot happier if you weren’t giving my brother cupcakes,” he muttered under his breath and looked at her. “Do you want the Tupperware back?”

She nodded. “Just tell him that I’ll be back at the bench on Friday this week to pick it up. Same time as the other week.”

“I’ll tell him,” Red Hood said with a rather annoyed tone and started back towards the other side of the building.

“Red Hood!” she called out and he paused, glancing back at her. “Look…I know you’re busy with other things. So…thank you for doing this. Really, I appreciate it.”

He shook his head, murmuring softly, “Don’t worry about it, (Y/N).” And he was gone.

Gordon walked over to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Miss (Y/N)? Are you alright?”

She blinked and nodded, though she felt a great deal of confusion as she said, “He knew my name?”

***

Jason watched his brothers dig into the cupcakes, groaning about how good they were. He didn’t even need to eat the one he had in his hand because he knew. He knew she made the best baked goods he’d ever had, especially these ones which were her specialty. Double Dutch Chocolate Cupcakes with little pink, shimmering pearls. She put them on because she thought they were cute.

He glanced down at the cupcake in his hands, asking, “How do you know, (Y/N), Dick?”

The eldest brother paused mid-chew and stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. “Huh?”

“Cupcakes,” Jason said, gesturing to them. “She made them as a thanks to you. For last week.” He looked at his brother. “What for?”

Dick swallowed the bite he’d been chewing and nonchalantly replied, “Oh, nothing big. Just being friendly.” He shrugged. “How do you know her?”

Jason scowled. “Don’t do that shit. We both know how I know her.”

“Oh, right! The rejection after the flowers and book!” Dick exclaimed, taking another bite. “So, why’d you say no anyway? She seems like great girl.”

“She is,” he agreed. “The greatest.”

Tim elbowed Dick in the ribs, murmuring, “Is this Jason admitting he’s in love?”

“I don’t know,” Dick replied. “Jaybird, if you’re this pissed at me—”

“I’m not pissed,” he retorted, very much so pissed. “I just don’t want her getting involved with this.”

Dick’s mouth formed an ‘o’. “So that’s why you rejected her. You’re afraid of letting her know about everything.” He hummed knowingly. “See, she said that was probably it. That you’re scared.”

“What?” Jason’s eyes widened. “What’d she say to you?” He handed his younger brother a thumb drive. “What’s this?”

“Recording of the conversation I had with her last Friday,” he replied. “I was planning on giving it to you later tonight.” Dick laid a hand on Jason’s shoulder and murmured, “She’s not going to run away if you’re vulnerable with her Jason.” He nodded to the flash drive. “She’s stronger than you’re giving her credit for.” Dick patted his shoulder and took the cupcake from Jason’s other hand, biting into it. “Oh my God,” he groaned, walking off. “What does she put in these things? They’re addicting.”

***

I’m not afraid of him or what he’s afraid he is.

Jason put his forehead on the desk and stared at the floor, not really sure what was tightening worse, his chest or his throat, but something in the mix started hurting and he let out a shaky breath, vision blurring and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. Rejecting her affections meant she forgot about him. She forgot that he existed, and she stayed safe. She stayed alive. Jason wanted that. He wanted (Y/N) to grow old with someone and have a family, not die an early death at the hands of some crazed villain or worse, a failure of his saving.

He let out a low groan and rubbed his forehead against the desk, wishing that it would solve all his problems. Mostly the ones in his broken heart. They had texted each other and video called constantly. Usually meeting up once a week to hang out somewhere or go get dinner. His entire life had changed in one conversation, and the only thing he regretted more than telling her he didn’t feel the same way and making her cry was watching her lie that she hadn’t been bothered when he knew deep down that her heart was shattered. He knew it because he watched her breakdown in her car through the manor window before she pulled out of the driveway.

Maybe Dick was right though…and that thought made him wanna vomit because younger-brother syndrome was a real thing and listening to your older brother wasn’t fun. But if she were that honest with Nightwing, that real with him, then maybe he could tell her the truth. All of it. About everything he was hiding from her. His past and most importantly his feelings for her. Maybe he could really keep her safe if he did.

Maybe Jason could be the one she grew old with. The one who held her hand and loved her.

***Part Four***

“I don’t wanna die,” she whimpered, grasping at his wrists that were digging into her side. “Please, I don’t wanna die now.” Tears slipped down her cheeks and she let out a sob. “I don’t wanna die.”

He cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb across her skin. “You’re not going to die.” He promised. “I’m not going to let you die here.”

Her eyes found his behind the domino mask and she whimpered again. “I’m scared, Red Hood.”

“I’m going to save you. I swear I will.” He ignored the blood that had smeared across her cheek and pressed his hand back to her bleeding abdomen, tears of his own gathering in his vision as he whispered, “I won’t lose you too.”

***

She couldn’t help but look to her wristwatch again, just to make sure she hadn’t been late. Of course, she’d gotten there fifteen minutes early, but still—time was a funny thing and sometimes she found herself late to things even if she’d arrived early. She should’ve just told Red Hood to let Nightwing keep the Tupperware, but that thing was like forty dollars and it was her favorite cupcake tin—she wasn’t letting that go.

Footsteps sounded through the traffic from her right and she looked up, smile faltering just slightly when she saw Red Hood coming her way instead of Nightwing. “Hey Red Hood!” she greeted with a tad of confusion and he waved.

“Hey (Y/N).” he raised the tin. “Sorry for being the one to drop this off but Nightwing was…busy.”

She snorted. “Don’t worry about it. Did he like—”

Red Hood dropped the tin, breaking into a sprint towards her. “(Y/N)! BEHIND YOU!”

“What?” (Y/N) spun and gasped when she came face to face with two masked men. “Oh fu—UHN!” one of them sunk their fist into her stomach and she bent over with a gag, knees going out below her as they grabbed her by her arms and yanked her forward.

She heard him screaming for her as they dragged her to the side of the road and shoved her into the back of a van. (Y/N) tried kicking at them but one of them picked something up and hit her across the head and the last thing she saw before everything went dark was Red Hood fading from view as the doors shut.

***

The tires screeched on the van as it hauled off and Jason had barely managed to grab the back handle as it did. He gripped the sides of his hood and cursed sharply, heart already beating wildly as he panted. “Fuck!” he screamed. “Motherfucker!”

He spun around, mind hopping from place to place as if he couldn’t figure out what to do first, and he punched a button on the side of his hood. “Nightwing, do you read me?” The line crackled a moment. “Nightwing! Come in!”

Jesus, I heard you the first time, Hood. What’s wrong? Break a nail?

“Dick,” he whispered. “It’s—it’s (Y/N).”

Something in Jason’s voice told him all he needed to know. What do you need me to do?

He turned in the direction that the van sped off in. “Two masked thugs grabbed her and took off with her in a van.”

License plate and van description?

“I31-FL4. White Chevy van, tinted windows.”

Alright, I’m away from a computer right now, but let me get Tim on the line. Another crackle. Hey Red, you busy?

At the moment. Why?

I need you to run a license plate for me on a white Chevy van.

Mmm, can it wait? I’m in the—oh shit—middle of something right now.

Tim, it’s urgent. (Y/N)’s been grabbed.

Number?

I31-FL4.

Your van just clocked four traffic cameras heading over the bridge past Chinatown into Founders and off to north of Port Adams. Scans are telling me that Cobblepot’s manor is that way.

“Cobblepot?” Jason repeated. “What the hell is he—” his sighed. “Shit, Dick, one of Penguin’s thugs probably saw you and (Y/N) the other night.”

And Penguin’s assumed that she knows who I am. Ugh, times like these I wish I hadn’t busted his gun running from Blüdhaven. Jason, I’m on my way.

Do you need backup, Hood? I’m about twenty out from your position.

“Don’t worry about it, Red.” He assured. “Nightwing and I got this.” Jason started towards the other side of the street, already pulling out his grapple. “You stay on whatever it is you’re doing.”

Aw man. But rescue missions are so fun.

“Tim. Fuck over the line and get off.”

***

Cold water splashed across her skin and she gasped, startling awake with violent shivers. Immediately she tried to get away but found herself bound to a chair; eyes searching wildly until they came to rest on the short and fat man walking towards her, wearing an eyeglass and smoking a cigar.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” He greeted. “Sleep well?”

Swallowing thickly, her eyes darted to the various armed thugs around her and she murmured, “What do you want with me, Mister Cobblepot?”

“Mister Cobblepot?” he cackled. “So polite.” He got in her face. “I want something you have.”

Her eyes found his. “I’m willing to part with whatever you need in return for my life.”

“I want Nightwing’s name,” Penguin said, and she blinked at him.

“Come again?”

His hand split across her face and she cried out in pain. “I don’t want to be drug around. His name. Now.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know Nightwing’s name.”

“Really?” he asked, then held out a hand and she watched someone put a phone in it and he shoved it in her face. “So that ain’t you sobbing on his shoulder like a whore with a heartache?”

Her eyes followed the picture and even from a distance, her and Nightwing’s faces could be seen, as well as their conjoined hands. “Okay,” she started. “I see what that looks like, but it’s not what it is. I swear.” Laughter echoed through the warehouse and she squirmed in her binds.

Penguin gazed at her for a moment, then he cracked his hand back across her face once more, and this time, he busted her lip. “I want his name.”

“I don’t know his name!” she spat the blood out of her mouth. “I was having a moment of weakness and he comforted me like a good person does. That’s it. He didn’t tell me his name.”

“I don’t believe you.” He hissed and she rolled her eyes.

“Look, it’s not my prerogative what you believe but that’s the truth. I don’t know who Nightwing is. Believe me, I asked, and he said he couldn’t tell me.” She leaned forward. “Hit me all you want but I can’t tell you what I don’t know.”

He shrugged. “Works for me.” And he punched her in the jaw, grinning proudly when her head lolled forward and she let out a low groan. “Who is he?”

“I. Don’t. Know.” She hissed through clenched teeth and he waved a hand.

“Someone bring me a knife. Maybe she’ll think better if she’s flowing.”

Her eyes widened and she started thrashing. “Okay! Wait! Let’s not be hasty!”

Penguin flicked open the knife and pointed it at her. “Name. Or I’m gonna slash you.”

“Mine? Mister Cobblepot, I’m disappointed that you don’t know the names of the women you kidnap.” She griped, voice turning into a shout of pain when he swiped the knife against her cheek. Blood flowed from the cut down her face, dripping onto her sweatshirt and she teared up, cheek stinging harshly.

“Want me to do the other side and make it match?” he asked, and she glared at him through her teary eyes.

“Go fuck yourself, oompa-loompa.” Glowering at the knife coming back down at her and she watched as something collided with it, causing sparks to jump as the knife practically jumped out of his hand.

Penguin cried out and spun in the direction of whatever had knocked the knife from him. “Red Hood!”

Someone dropped beside him and propped an elbow on the vigilante’s shoulder. “And Nightwing!” he glanced at her. “Sorry for getting you involved in this.”

She tried for a smile but still grimaced. “Say that after you get me out of this.”

He grinned and pulled out his escrima sticks, clicking the buttons. “That’s fair.”

“Well don’t just stand there!” Penguin yelled at the thugs. “Get them!”

It was a free for all. And even she was wincing with pity when a thug landed in front of her feet, blood streaming out of his nose as his eyes rolled back in his head. She figured since they were busy with fighting one another, she could use the time to get out of her binds—if at all possible.

She wriggled vigorously until there was slack in the ropes around her wrist and she started yanking her arms back, ignoring the way it broke her skin and rubbed it raw. Eventually she got one hand out and she let out a cheer, eyes scanning the ground for the knife.

It lay a few feet away and she grunted as she slouched in the chair, kicking her leg out as far as she could to toe it closer. Almost there! She strained against the bind and slammed her foot on the knife, dragging it to her. With a winning smile she picked it up and slashed the rest of the ropes on her wrist and stood up, immediately ducking as another thug flew over her head and she glared at Red Hood.

“Hey! Watch it!”

He stopped fighting, a gang-banger in a headlock. “How’d you get out of that?”

She put her hands on her hips. “I’m not some helpless damsel in distress, Hood.”

Chuckling, he slung the guy into the wall and pointed to the exit. “Get out and run as far as you can.”

“Right.” She spun and started towards the double doors when two thugs got in her way and she sighed. “Oh, fuck off.” Taking a step back, she turned on her heel when one grabbed her around the waist, and she yelped as he lifted her in the air. “Lemme go you big bastard!”

“(Y/N)!”

Someone shouted her name and she did the only thing she could do—she swung knife downwards, narrowly missing her own side as she stabbed the thug in the hip. He screamed, dropping her and she grunted when she hit the concrete. (Y/N) crawled along the ground when the same guy she stabbed, hauled her up by her belt.

“Oh, come on!” she yelled, and he threw her into the corner of the warehouse into some plywood boxes. They shattered under the force of the throw and her weight and she collapsed in a pile of hardboard, something in her side aching much more than anything else, like she’d been stabbed.

After a moment, the fighting seemed to die down and she managed to crawl to her knees, glancing down to find whatever kept poking her in skin and her eyes widened when she saw the jagged end of a piece of plywood sticking out of her stomach. And the second she saw it, the pain came, and she gasped sharply, holding it as she looked up them.

They were dealing with Penguin and she watched as Nightwing shoved the escrima stick to his neck and sent fifty-thousand volts into his body, watching as he jerked and passed out.

(Y/N) fell back on her knees and weakly called, “Guys?” they turned and gaped at her. “Help me.”

Red Hood was the first one to her and he dropped to his knees, pulling her against him. “(Y/N),” he breathed, one hand skimming over her face, the other pressing against the wound. She cried out and he said, “You’re going to be okay.” He looked at Nightwing. “Call a bus. Now.”

Nightwing knelt beside her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, (Y/N). We’re going to take care of you.”

She nodded, though she wasn’t too sure of her belief in them. “It hurts,” she whimpered and Red Hood looked down at her side, raising his gauntlet to it.

“The wood punctured your liver.” He said and she sighed in shock.

“Am…am I gonna die?” she asked quietly, and Red Hood yanked off his hood, pressing down tightly onto her side.

“No. You’re not going to die, (Y/N).”

Suddenly, tears were gathering in her eyes and she whimpered, “I don’t wanna die.” (Y/N) grasped at the wrist that was digging into her abdomen. “Please, I don’t wanna die now.” Tears slipped down her cheeks and she let out a sob. “I don’t wanna die here.”

He cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb across her skin. “You’re not going to die.” He promised. “I’m not going to let you die here.”

Her eyes found his behind the domino mask and she whimpered again. “I’m scared, Red Hood.”

“I’m going to save you. I swear I will.” He ignored the blood that had smeared across her cheek and pressed his hand back to her bleeding abdomen, tears of his own gathering in his vision as he whispered, “I won’t lose you too.”

(Y/N) pressed her head to his shoulder. “I have a cat at my home. If I don’t make it will you get him for me? Find him a good home?”

“Don’t talk like this. You’re going to make it, (Y/N).” He looked at Nightwing. “Where’s the bus?”

“Ten out,” he replied. “I’ll go open the doors.” He hurried off and left the two.

“Red Hood, my cat—”

“You’re going to see Matlock again, I promise,” he interrupted sternly, and she gaped at him.

“How do you know my cat’s name? How do you even know my name?” He met her eyes and slowly reached up, peeling the mask from his face and her jaw went slack. “J—Jason?”

He gave her a weak smile. “Surprised?”

(Y/N) could barely find the words and she huffed, “I called you a jerk-off last weekend.”

“Yeah, I kinda deserved that.” Jason laughed, putting the mask back into place. “Couldn’t help it though. You made cupcakes for my brother.”

“Jealous?” she teased, voice dropping into a groan when she shifted.

Jason cupped her cheek. “Like you wouldn’t believe.” He thumbed her skin as the paramedics entered the warehouse and he smiled. “You’re going to be okay, (Y/N).”

She gripped his hand. “Don’t leave me. Please, Jason, don’t leave me.”

“I’ll come to see you after they get you into the hospital. Okay?”

“Promise?” (Y/N) whispered and he nodded.

“I promise, doll.” He nodded his head and stepped back, letting the medics do their job. And when they had her in the back of the ambulance, he sighed heavily and watched the siren wail as the red lights disappeared down the boulevard.

Dick rested a hand on his shoulder. “Go. I’ll call GCPD.”

Jason turned and pulled his brother into a strong hug, squeezing him tightly. “Thank you, Dick. God, thank you so much.”

“Oh my God, are you willingly hugging me!” Dick screeched, and when Jason tried to pull away, he held on and buried his face in Jason’s shoulder. “My Little-wing!”

“Okay, get the fuck off me. This is embarrassing.” He scowled.

***

Her head felt heavy and she barely had the strength to open her eyes. Brightness flooded her vision and she shut them again, waiting a moment before trying to open them once more. This time, it wasn’t as bright, and she blearily glanced around the room before catching sight of Jason curled up uncomfortably in the hospital chair beside her bed.

She didn’t wake him at first, simply gazing at him. He looked tired. Tired and worn out, like he hadn’t slept in years. Which might’ve been the case if the rumors of Red Hood being the second Robin were true—murdered then revived later. She doubt he slept much at all.

As if he knew she was watching him, his eyes opened and he met hers, blinking the sleep away and then he was leaning forward, gently murmuring, “Hey, (Y/N). How do you feel?”

She sighed, resting on the pillow, the thumb brushing her forehead almost lulling her back into sleep. “…Tired,” she mumbled. “And sore.”

Jason huffed a laugh. “Yeah, getting stabbed will do that to you.” He glanced towards the door. “Let me go get the doctor real—”

“Stay,” she said, grabbing his arm and he stilled. “Please stay. Just for a moment.”

“Alright,” he agreed, sitting back in the chair. “I’ll stay,” he said, but his eyes became firm. “but in five minutes, I’m going to get Doctor Brown.”

(Y/N) stuck her tongue out at him, and they collapsed into laughter, though at one point she groaned, “Oh God, don’t make me laugh.” She rested her hand on her abdomen. “Everything in this general area hurts.”

Jason took her hand. “It will—quit prodding it,” he griped. “You don’t wanna open up your stitches.” He ran his calloused thumb over the back of her hand and met her eyes. “I was so scared when I saw you get taken.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and he shook his head.

“It’s my fault. I should’ve seen it coming earlier. I should’ve told you earlier, but I was so scared of letting you know everything.” Tears gathered in his eyes. “But I almost wasn’t fast enough tonight, and you got hurt and—”

(Y/N) brushed her fingers over his lips, shushing him. “Jason, it wasn’t your fault.”

He frowned behind her fingers. “But you—”

“I’m here.” She affirmed. “And I’m okay.” (Y/N) grabbed his chin. “You saved me.”

“What happens if I’m too late next time?” he asked, eyes searching hers and she smiled.

“We’re not going to let that happen.”

“But it—”

“It’s not going to happen again.” She brushed her thumb over his lip and smiled at him.

He cupped her hand to his face and bent over, pressing his lips to hers; Jason stayed there for a moment, merely resting his forehead to hers and he lamented, “I’m sorry I turned you down. I never meant to hurt you…I was just—”

“Keeping me safe,” she surmised. “I know, baby.” Jason froze, eyes wide. “Too early?”

He chuckled and kissed her again. “Say it again.”

“Mmm, say please, and I’ll throw in a ‘I love you’.” (Y/N) countered.

“Pretty please?”

She grinned. “I love you, babe.”

“I love you, doll.”

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[inkbyajm]

Bottled Up

pairing: C.H. x fem!reader

category: angst, fluff

warnings: yelling, crying, insecurities

word count: 2.2k

notes: apologies for the tardy post, i wrote and rewrote and re-rewrote the whole angsty scene because i didn’t know if it was written well enough, i wanted to make sure you guys could feel the emotions that i vividly visualised and tried my best to put into words  :( i did send it to a friend to check and she seemed to like it, so let me know how it goes for you, my loves. the angst for this one was inspired by 2 different songs - hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi and i will run from you by cemeteries. it’s not necessarily about the lyrics, but more about the melody and the mood you get into listening to them (they go in order). give those a listen :) also, beware of the upcoming philosophy references, i did study philosophy last year, hopefully no one gets triggered lmao

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Is a person’s scent something a normal human being picks up on before taking into account the rest of their features? Would a normal human being remember said scent and be able to recognise it in a crowd full of strangers? Corpse wasn’t too sure about the answer, but one thing he did know, is that she smelled delicately sweet, like cherry blossoms, and that ever since he had noticed it during their game night a few weeks ago, he simply couldn’t let it go. It was intoxicating, but in a calming way. 

━

Corpse and (Y/N) each lay on their beds in their own homes, going into the third hour of their call. He couldn’t exactly fall asleep, so he had decided to see what his dear friend was up to, and even though she was this close to succumbing to sleep, she said nothing and stayed up to keep his busy mind company.

“Okay, hot topic: what do you think about soulmates? More specifically the romantic type?” the girl asked, not knowing how much of a risqué question it was. How was he supposed to answer?

“I don’t really have an opinion on it. Why?”

“I read Symposium by Plato the other day and it presented an interesting concept about human beings. Basically-” Of course she fucking read philosophical books. How were they even having a conversation with each other? Why were they even friends? She was on a whole other level of smart. “-so this guy says that humans were like androgynous blobs, so they’d come in two sets of everything a normal person has. But those humans were so powerful, the gods were literally shaking in their robes, so Zeus decided to cut everyone into two to weaken them. But then humans became so miserable, they spent their entire lives searching for their other halves. In the end, Zeus kinda felt bad and said fuck it, I’ll give y’all dicks and vaginas for every time you wanna hug each other. And that’s the oldest explanation there is about the idea of soulmates.” she sighed, finished with her rant.

“That was...not at all the story I expected to hear.” she heard him mumble on the other side of the call. “Yeah, Greek philosophers were up to some reeal freaky things, you would have loved them,” he laughed at her joke, “I honestly think it’s cute. Not the whole cutting people into two thing, but like, longing for someone and then finding them because you finally feel complete. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a prince in shining whatever to sweep me off my feet. But it does sound nice, that ideal comfort, a person you’re just...meant to be with, I guess.”

There was a moment of silence that neither of them really minded, before it was Corpse’s turn to ask the second bold question of the night. “Have you found that person yet? Your soulmate?”

She’s never thought about it before, but she hasn’t really thought about soulmates that much either, it was a spontaneous thought she had said out loud. “I’m not sure, actually. (B/F/N) could be one, I guess.” (Y/N) shrugged in return. Wasn’t she going to ask him about it? She probably didn’t care that much. Understandable.

“My favourite quote about love is «You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.». It’s by Sam Keen, the American philosopher. It maay be the hopeless romantic in me shining through, but I do very much agree with his statement.” Did this mean anyone could have a chance with her despite their fuckups? So if he were to try, would she-?

“Obviously, there are some things that just can’t be ignored or avoided, but at that point it’s preferences and personal tolerance. Depends on the person, ya know?” she swiftly added, unaware of the effect it had on him. Sick. Some people were just meant to rot alone.

The final question was posed by (Y/N). She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at all curious. This little crush of hers had been steadily growing with every hang out, every laugh, every hug and every glance. There are rarely ever moments where one could casually discuss a topic this personal with friends, at least there weren’t with friends one had feelings for. This was the perfect opportunity.

“Corpse?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever been in love?” her voice was soft, her approach gentle.

“Well, I’ve been in relationships before, so I guess, yeah? It’s been so long, I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.” he let out a breath resembling a chuckle. Lamest fucking answer ever. But it was true. He hadn’t thought about love in that way in quite a while.

“A lot of people describe it as having an intense range of overwhelming feelings. Lightheadedness, slight shakiness, heart palpitations, some people have even reported losing their appetite. Crazy how human bodies work, huh? Oh! Speaking of chemicals-”

She had continued on to ramble about...chemistry? Eyes? Corpse couldn’t really hear what she was saying anymore, let alone concentrate on her words, as he pieced everything that’s been happening for the past few months together. The nauseating feeling. The pounding of his heart so fast it felt like he was about to die. The urge to make as little eye contact with her as possible, because otherwise he’d turn into a furnace. The obsession with her perfume, like he was some fucking creep. The fool was falling in love. And it was at that moment that everything had come crumbling down.

━

(Y/N) and Corpse hadn’t talked for a couple of weeks. Or rather (Y/N) messaged the 23 year old many times, but he’d either claim to be busy or just not answer at all. There were two possible reasons for the sudden lack of contact: he was indeed busy with his musical projects and couldn’t allow himself to be distracted; or something much more serious was going on. It didn’t matter, for she was already in her car, on her way to his apartment.

Arriving at her destination, she used the spare key he gave her months ago, a sign of absolute trust, and allowed herself into his humble abode. Silence reigned in her friend’s residence. She thought maybe he had gone somewhere, and though that was unlikely, it wasn’t unprecedented. The door to his recording room was closed, and while she was tempted to check if he was in there, she refrained from doing so, knowing that specific room was not to be entered unless he was around to give permission.

“Corpse?” she called out just to make sure. There was no response for a few minutes, which made her assume she had the place for herself, until she heard a door open behind her. Turning around, she saw his figure emerge from said recording room in a white t-shirt and black sweatpants, his curly hair disheveled.

“Hey, how are you d-”

“Why are you here?” he spoke flatly, interrupting her. “Well- You weren’t, um, answering your messages or any of my calls, so I thought something had happened.” she replied, suddenly nervous, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. “Nothing happened. I told you I was busy.”

The air around them seemed colder as tensions rose. (Y/N) could tell he was irritated, but she couldn’t exactly figure out why. She had never seen this side of him before. “Okay. Tell you what, I assume you haven’t had dinner yet, so why don’t I go ahead and start cooking something up while you-”

“Get out.”

She blinked a few times, not quite registering the words that had just left his mouth. “Sorry?” Her voice was quiet. She was taken off guard.

“Are you deaf? I said get. the fuck. OUT.”

Corpse shouted the last word, making her flinch in what appeared to be fear. Good. Run away while you still can. Heart pounding, (Y/N) took a second to remind herself whom she was speaking to. “I see that you’re angry, but at least give me a reason why-”

“You want a reason? I just don’t fucking WANT you here!” Anger grew inside of him like a tumor, but it wasn’t intended for her. She had simply been caught in a storm that had been building up for years. “Do you understand that?! I can’t fucking be around you without feeling like I’m going to EXPLODE.”

His words hit her like paintballs. They were only words, plain and simple, but they dug deeper and deeper into her skin with each hit, until, eventually, it broke. Eyes burning, she felt the tears slowly welling up in them.

“Why are you doing this to me?!” her own voice grew louder with frustration, but mostly, confusion.

“Maybe because I can? Because I’m a goddamn asshole?” 

“Don’t say that.”

“How?! How can I not say it when it’s the truth!” He wanted to stop. His mind told him to cease whatever it was that he was doing. However, blinded with resentment towards himself, he only spilled words he would regret after it was too late. 

“I can’t function like a normal fucking human being. I can’t be a good friend, son, or whatever the fuck else, and I sure as hell can’t love you.”

The paintballs had turned into a singular sword. A very long, very sharp sword that had found itself plunged deep inside her chest. How did he found out? When? Had she been too obvious? Had she been pushy? Clingy? Way out of line? The woman before him was unable to conceal her shock, as tears came rushing down her hot cheeks. Her voice brittle, she tried defending herself. She couldn’t leave it at that. She had to try. Try to have him see reason. “You don’t love me, that’s fine. But you didn’t have to deliver it this way-”

“But I did.” breathless with fury, Corpse clenched his fists so tight they had turned cold, yet they were still trembling. “You can get so naïve and dumb, you won’t understand things unless they’re spelled out nice and fucking bold for you.”

He closed with (Y/N) until their noses nearly touched. He noticed the way she silently shook, her eyes which shed endless tears never leaving his gaze. Unable to make a single sound, she felt the man’s hot breath on her face, his aura domineering.

“Now get. out.”

Her body wouldn’t cooperate as she just stood there. Staring back at him, her inner brows raised. Corpse wanted to hug her. Envelop her trembling figure with his and tell her he was sorry, that he meant none of it, that he had lost his mind. But he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. And with his own tears threatening to spill, he created a distance between them. He needed her gone.

“Leave! GO!”

His yelling was enough to jolt (Y/N) out of her trance, and, in a hurry, she sprinted towards the entrance. The door closed behind her, she felt a sudden urge to fill her lungs with much needed air. She jumped at the resounding scream that emanated from deep within his soul, letting out all of his pent-up rage.

Feet carrying her all the way to her car parked outside of the building, the young woman managed to climb in, and this was the queue for her body to break down. The night was young. The street empty. No one around to hear her long-lasting wailing. She clutched the steering wheel for support, fingers wrapping around the leather in a tight grip. A headache was creeping up from the back of her skull. Her ears pulsated in response to the heavy pounding of her heart. Clumsily, (Y/N) inserted the key into the ignition, felt around for the gear stick, and drove away. She didn’t know where she was going or how long it was going to take to get there. She needed to get out.

What went wrong? When did it go wrong? She couldn’t help but feel guilty, feel at fault. She had never seen that side of him before. He had never treated her that way before.

It was the hugs, wasn’t it? He had to have noticed the way she held on for a second too long to enjoy the smell of his cologne. Her vision blurred as she resumed softly weeping, her salty tears staining her top. Or it might have been the touchiness, she would practically glue herself to him during their movie nights. Unaware of both her actions and surroundings, (Y/N)’s breathing quickened, becoming ragged. Maybe he didn’t like the way she called him three times a week. Her hands were slowly losing control over the wheel, over the vehicle she was driving. She invaded his privacy. That was definitely it. Fuck. How could she have been so damn blind, selfish, ignorant, FUCKING STUPID.

Lights. Something was moving towards her- MOVE.

With a sharp turn, she dodged the approaching car just by a hair’s breadth, but as she had avoided one accident, another came just as quickly.