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theodysseyofhomer · 1 year ago

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Emily Wilson is a professor of classical studies at the University of Pennsylvania. Her translation of the “Odyssey” was published in 2017, and her translation of the “Iliad” will be published in September.

June 28, 2023

In one of the most moving and memorable scenes from the “Iliad,” the great Trojan warrior Hector says farewell to his wife, Andromache, who has urged him not to risk his life by fighting on the plain. He gives their baby back to her, tells her to go home, and reiterates his decision to advance on the enemy.

Around 100 complete English translations of the “Iliad” have been published over the past 400 years. Their variety shows no clear trajectory of cultural change: Some of the more recent Homers are more archaic and less idiomatic than many earlier ones, but some are not. A wide variety of forms are used to “translate” the dactylic hexameter of the original, including prose and free verse as well as several poetic meters.

The translations reflect a wide range of possible interpretations of this short passage. Is Hector harshly scolding Andromache for offering advice about the war, despite her gender? Or is he treating her with gentle pity? Is she worried only about her husband’s death, or is she also concerned about her own imminent enslavement and their baby’s slaughter? Are her concerns valid? Does the warrior risk his life despite his love for his family, or because of it? Why must men fight? Why must women weave? How strange, or how familiar, is the society of the poem?

Each of these translations — along with dozens more — suggests a different understanding of the central themes of courage, marriage, fate and death.

The Original ‘Iliad’ 6. 482-497

The original poem is composed in beautifully musical, metrically regular dactylic hexameter, and designed to be performed out loud: It is poetry for the mouth and ear, not the page.

The scene evokes the complex emotions of three separate characters — the frightened baby, the woman, the man — and it also includes a silent fourth, the enslaved nurse.

The text provides a vivid account not only of Hector’s words, but also of his actions. At the end of the passage, he picks up again the shining helmet that he took off because its plume frightened his little son, and in so doing, he becomes again “bright-helmed Hector,” as the traditional formula of heroic poetry describes him: He again assumes his role and costume as a man who lives and will die by war.

Before this passage, Andromache has pleaded with Hector to adopt a safer strategy, rather than go to almost certain death by meeting the enemy on the open plain. As she reminds him, Hector is risking much more than his own life. His death will entail his wife’s rape and enslavement, their baby’s violent death and the sack of their city.

Hector’s response suggests a fascinatingly contradictory attitude toward his own actions. His firm tone could suggest brash confidence and/or a man steeling himself for a heartbreaking choice to prioritize his own honor over the lives and freedom of everyone he loves — a choice that becomes possible only when presented as no choice at all.

George Chapman (1611)

The first complete translation into English, by the playwright and erstwhile soldier Chapman, creates a staunch, fatalistic version of Hector, reflecting the poet’s interest in Stoicism. Chapman uses a metrical form that was already old-fashioned in his day, “fourteeners,” or rhyming heptameters; the original does not rhyme.

The translation expands on the original in ways that may be startling by modern norms — for instance, by rendering the single word for “tearfully,” dakruon, as “fresh streams of love’s salt fire.”

…This said, th’ heroic sire Gave him his mother; whose fair eyes fresh streams of love’s salt fire Billow’d on her soft cheeks, to hear the last of Hector’s speech ,In which his vows compris’d the sum of all he did beseech In her wish’d comfort. So she took into her od’rous breast Her husband’s gift; who, mov’d to see her heart so much oppress’d, He dried her tears, and thus desir’d: “Afflict me not, dear wife, With these vain griefs. He doth not live, that can disjoin my life And this firm bosom, but my fate; and fate, whose wings can fly? Noble, ignoble, fate controls. Once born, the best must die, Go home, and set thy housewif’ry on these extremes of thought; And drive war from them with thy maids; keep them from doing nought. These will be nothing; leave the cares of war to men, and me In whom, of all the Ilion race, they take their high’st degree.” On went his helm; his princess home, half cold with kindly fears; When ev’ry fear turn’d back her looks, and ev’ry look shed tears.

Alexander Pope (1715)

Pope’s translation, into elegant rhyming pentameter couplets, was a best seller in the 18th century and remains a classic. Pope adds a great many details entirely of his own invention, inserting anachronistic notions of marriage (“my soul’s far better part”), and explaining emotional responses that are unstated or ambiguous in the original: For example, Homer does not explain why Andromache is crying, but Pope clarifies that it is from “fear.” Pope invents some wonderful aphorisms that have no basis in the original but add zing to the couplet, such as “the first in danger as the first in fame.”

He spoke, and fondly gazing on her charms, Restored the pleasing burden to her arms; Soft on her fragrant breast the babe she laid, Hush’d to repose, and with a smile survey’d. The troubled pleasure soon chastised by fear, She mingled with a smile a tender tear. The soften’d chief with kind compassion view’d, And dried the falling drops, and thus pursued: ”Andromache! my soul’s far better part, Why with untimely sorrows heaves thy heart? No hostile hand can antedate my doom, Till fate condemns me to the silent tomb. Fix’d is the term to all the race of earth; And such the hard condition of our birth: No force can then resist, no flight can save, All sink alike, the fearful and the brave. No more — but hasten to thy tasks at home, There guide the spindle, and direct the loom: Me glory summons to the martial scene, The field of combat is the sphere for men. Where heroes war, the foremost place I claim, The first in danger as the first in fame.” Thus having said, the glorious chief resumes His towery helmet, black with shading plumes. His princess parts with a prophetic sigh, Unwilling parts, and oft reverts her eye That stream’d at every look; then, moving slow, Sought her own palace, and indulged her woe.

Samuel Butler (1898)

The prose version by the 19th-century novelist and satirist Butler — a lifelong bachelor — suggests a very different set of assumptions about women, metaphysics, emotions (“his heart yearned towards her” for eleēse, “pitied”) and even time management (“daily duties” for erga, “tasks”). Butler treats Homer’s repeated epithets as skippable, so that phaidimos Hector (“glorious Hector”) becomes simply “he.”

With this he laid the child again in the arms of his wife, who took him to her own soft bosom, smiling through her tears. As her husband watched her his heart yearned towards her and he caressed her fondly, saying, “My own wife, do not take these things too bitterly to heart. No one can hurry me down to Hades before my time, but if a man’s hour is come, be he brave or be he coward, there is no escape for him when he has once been born. Go, then, within the house, and busy yourself with your daily duties, your loom, your distaff, and the ordering of your servants; for war is man’s matter, and mine above all others of them that have been born in Ilion.” He took his plumed helmet from the ground, and his wife went back again to her house, weeping bitterly and often looking back towards him.

Robert Fagles (1990)

Fagles’s best-selling translation, in unmetrical free verse, uses many familiar American idioms and clichés (such as “smiling through her tears,” or “filled with pity,” a metaphor absent from the original). He softens the brusqueness of Hector’s final speech to his wife by rendering daimonie as the gentle “dear one,” and adding “trying to reassure her” and “please,” neither of which appears in the Greek.

Fagles makes Hector’s most iconic phrase, that men must be warriors, sound much chattier and wordier than the original, spreading it over two lines: “as for the fighting / men…”

… So Hector prayed and placed his son in the arms of his loving wife. Andromache pressed the child to her scented breast, smiling through her tears. Her husband noticed, and filled with pity now, Hector stroked her gently, trying to reassure her, repeating her name: “Andromache, dear one, why so desperate? Why so much grief for me? No man will hurl me down to Death, against my fate. And fate? No man alive has ever escaped it, neither brave man nor coward, I tell you — it’s born with us the day that we are born. So please go home and tend to your own tasks, the distaff and the loom, and keep the women working hard as well. As for the fighting, men will see to that, all who were born in Troy but I most of all.” Hector aflash in arms took up his horsehair-crested helmet once again. And his loving wife went home, turning, glancing back again and again and weeping live warm tears.

Emily Wilson (2023)

In my own translation of the “Iliad,” I echo the metrical regularity of the original by using unrhyming iambic pentameter. I thought long and hard about the multiple narrative perspectives suggested by the original poem, and its resonant ambiguities; in this passage, for example, I use both “beloved” and “loving” for phile — a word that could suggest either, or both — because the feelings of both the wife and the husband are at stake.

The rhetorically punchy qualities of Hector’s speech seemed essential, as well as Hector’s insistent focus on his own defining identity as a warrior. Hector is a deeply loving father and husband who makes the choice to leave his family to almost-certain enslavement and death.

As I read the Greek, we feel heartbroken for all three members of the family (or for all four, counting the silent nurse) — and all the more so because there is no hint of sentimentality in the language, no softness in Hector’s final words. The emotions are sketched with extraordinary concision: The only explicit feeling is Hector’s pity for Andromache’s tears (eleēse), but a world of other emotions is evoked through gesture.

…With these words, he gave his son to his beloved wife. She let him snuggle in her perfumed dress, and tearfully she smiled. Her husband noticed and pitied her. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Strange woman! Come on now, you must not be too sad on my account. No man can send me to the house of Hades before my time. No man can get away from destiny, first set for us at birth, however cowardly or brave he is. Go home and do the things you have to do. Work on your loom and spindle and instruct the slaves to do their household work as well. War is a task for men — for every man born here in Troy, but most especially, me.” When he had finished speaking, glorious Hector picked up his helmet with its horsehair plume. His loving wife set off for home, but kept twisting and turning back to look at him. More and more tears kept flooding down her face.

#emily wilson #quotes #the iliad #hektor #andromakhe #hektor x andromakhe #i know not everyone has nyt subscription but this is fascinating re:translation so i have provided the whole text under the read more :)#translation talk

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can-ya-guess-my-curent-obsession · 1 month ago

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Russel Hc's

Authors note: Had some Russel thoughts baking in my mind after I watched some interviews. I know I said I just want to clear up my asks, but tired of writing Murdoc and 2D as much as I love them, I need a break. I'll probably write some noodle ones down the line

Requests: Closed

Phase: Nonspesified,

Hc type: A mix of general + Russel x reader

Note: I got a bit salty while writing this, cuz I like to research and listen to interviews while I write for the characters, and there is truly such little Russel stuff in recent years it kinda pisses me off, same goes for noodle- I want more GIVE ME MORE- ehem sorry, lets forget about this and move on

TW: Bad spelling, mentions of death, self isolation?

smh this man is so unappreciated

I don't think we talk about it enough but Russel is the most well dressed out of all of the band

It was clear from the start of Gorillaz that he took great pride in his appearance

In more than one interview, in the early phases they asked Russ about his taste in clothes and he would reply very passionately

Ya know when we used to see them interview everyone not just Murdoc and 2D

sorry that was uncalled for

Anyways, we've all seen the clip of Russel thinking about himself in a dress so we're all aware of the fact he takes pride in how others perceive him

I think that would apply to his relationship in a way

While I don't think he expects you to be dressed to the nines

I think he would want his partner who also takes pride in how they are perceived by others

Because as your boyfriend what reflects on you is a refection on him for dating you

So if his S/O is a person who enjoys fashion I could see him and S/O spending time making outfits together, giving each other feedback

Maybe the occasional matching outfit or at the very least coordinating outfits

but if is S/O isn't that kinda person, and just wears what they have not giving it much thought like me

He would give you subtle feed back on your clothes and clothes

And if you pick up on what he's doing and offer to let him make your outfit, he would be very happy and might spend a whole day rearranging your closet making set outfits for you of course taking your style into account

His favorite holiday was halloween purely because it allows you to dress up however you want

Also he has lot of fond memories picking out costumes with Noodle when she was younger

Really good with hair

Like weirdly good with hair

Well it's not that weird cuz he was the most like a parent when raising Noodle

So if you want him to do your hair, as long as he isn't busy he's down

And while Noodle's hair is for the most part straight so he doesn't have much experience with different hair types, he learns fast and would probably watch some videos in his free time to learn, in which like I said he learns fast.

Russel like's doing more complex hairstyles on his partner if they have long enough hair, because it gives him a since of craftsmanship and pride when he finishes

But every time he finishes doing it he swears he'll never do it again because of all the work and time it took

but it's a lie

Despite the horrible traumatizing shit he's been through in his life he has to be one of the healthiest(mentally) in the band(ignore phase 7), though that's not saying much

But it is true, in interviews and rise of the Ogre, he seemed to know who he was, and seemed to come to sense of peace and acceptance for what has happened in his life

Of course he has him dark moments we all do

Sometimes he just needs some time to mourn the past and will probably find himself sleeping in a guest bedroom in Kong studio's for a few days

Days where he buries himself in his music and his hobbies taxidermy as an attempt to drown out the the looming image of deaths face

These days where honestly few and far in-between before plastic beach, but they became more often after the events

He's scared for the people he loves and what being around them could mean for their safety.

He won't exactly avoid you

He'll state that he needs time to himself before avoiding you.

But when he comes back around he'll often start telling/ reminiscing to you the good times of his life before he met you, his parents, Dale, his school life

Its his way of accepting the past

#gorillaz x reader #russel hobbs x reader #russel x reader #russel hobbs #russel gorillaz #gorillaz #gorillaz x #gorillaz russel

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ironladders · 4 months ago

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of every ashrah outfit in all timelines, canon or even unused concept arts if they exist, which is your favorite? im very curious 👀

this got kind of long & out of hand im sorry i just like gushing about this girl (+ i have to air out my thoughts on her skins. i have opinions on literally everyone's outfits)

sadly ashrah doesn't have many costumes to choose from because she's only been in 3 games 💔 oh well though

i think my #1 look for her has to be her mk1 union of light skin:

like it's probably one of the prettiest skins in the entire game. insanity. it's so elegant/beautiful and her hairstyle is really cute, i like how it frames her face. in a way it kinda reminds me of her original design but updated to have more detail. the flowers are so pretty and ugjhghgljgkljg idk what else to say i just love this skin so much

that said i don't dislike any of her outfits, they're all great!

the only one that i actually think needs some help is her ood skin; it looks fine at first glance but the more you stare at it's just. hmmm. this could've marinated a bit longer

there's also the issue that this doesn't feel like an Evil Version of ashrah, which i think is a problem when the whole point of the ood skins is that they're supposed to be darker versions of the mk1 cast. but i digress

also if i may say something controversial..... i don't dislike ashrah's classic mkd/mka looks, i love them! BUT:

now that we've got a game where ashrah has distinct demonic features, i wish they did that for her older appearances. because as much as i love her deception skin and want them to remake it in mk1 (please @ nrs we need another skin for ashrah), she just looks like some lady? if that makes sense? like,,,, i would see deception ashrah in the grocery store and pay her zero mind:

i guess before mk1 the other demons also just looked like regular humans but idk... some facial markings similar to the ones sareena had would've at least been nice. they've got the kanji on her hat translating to "demon/ghost" and that's it.

and i know that's sort of the point, that she's supposed to look like a normal human upon first glance, but idk man! she wasn't done with her absolution yet, midway should've let her look a little strange 😭😭 there's some people who want her to have a normal human face if/when nrs gives us deception ashrah as a skin, but i'd rather they keep her demonic features

on the topic of mk1: i love the contrast here on her mk1 default between ashrah's clothing — clearly inspired by angels — versus her actual appearance. it's really smart and imo reflects how much she tries to distance from her origins as a demon. it really sells the idea of her being an ascending demon & i hope everyone that makes fun of her hairline + face steps on a lego

when the banished trailer first revealed ashrah some people were sad she didn't have her hat, but tbh???? i feel like her mk1 default is fine without one. it would've been nice and probably helped older fans recognize her but i'm not sure if this outfit needs a hat. yknow.

the only other ashrah outfits to talk about (because again she has SO little it's criminal) is the ones from mkd concept art that didn't make the cut:

i have no strong opinions about either of these, they're here i guess. the first one is cool, i like the idea of ashrah with super long hair and she reminds me of a jedi there lmao. the second one is also okay but something about ashrah with a mask feels weird so i'm glad they didn't go with it

speaking of concept art CAN NRS SHOW US THE CONCEPT ART FOR THE MK1 DEFAULTS because i really want to know the early ideas they had for ashrah. we get the final character concepts for everyone which is fine but i desperately want to see the initial ideas they had. i hope they get added to the shrine in the future 🥲

idk how to end this so boom. ashrah face

#nobody is allowed to disagree with me on my opinions either bc it's my birthday week /j #joking abt the disagreeing part #my birthday is actually tomorrow. that part is true #but yeah....... i love ashrah sm...... she is gorgeous no matter what we wears <3 #ask #mk #ashrah

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morethanaloveinterest · 1 year ago

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A Placid Review of Leia's Costumes in ESB

Let's talk about Leia's costumes in the Empire Strikes Back and they reflect her character.

This is the first costume we see Leia wearing in this movie and she wears it (or a version of it) for most of the film. To compare with her previous movie, where she just wore a couple of white dresses, this is a substantial deviation. I'm glad she didn't have to wear a dress on Hoth - instead, she gets this great snow suit. It is still in her signature color and she still has her hair up in a similar (though more flattering) style than in ANH. We see other folks wearing similar things and she seems to have rank information on the vest, which goes a long way to establishing her place in this organization in a way that did not happen before (she should have gotten a costume change for the trench run is all I'm saying).

Female representation: 10/10 For a lady in science fiction? Yeah, it's perfect. It's a full body snow suit and it could have easily been a catsuit or something figure-hugging. Instead, it is clearly padded and looks actually appropriate for this snow scape.

Practicality: 10/10 Obviously, it is the most practical option! It is probably the most practical thing we ever see her wear (or any of the other ladies in this series, honestly). And I may be biased because I, too, live in a frozen winter wonderland for a significant part of the year, but this is just so perfect. I would absolutely wear this all the time.

Leia wears this costume on Cloud City. It is very nice to see her get a costume change during the events of the film! The dress is quite different from either we have seen her wear before and having some color is great. It also makes sense for her to wear this for the more romantic scenes with Han. The colors are close to red and her hair is starting to come down a bit - all indicating that she is more available for a love story than she was in the last movie.

Female representation: 10/10 Honestly, Leia is probably gonna get 10s almost all across the board. But this one is great because it gives a more feminine impression as well as showing off her figure a bit without either removing her agency. It makes sense for her to wear this based on what we know about her.

Practicality: 8/10 I suppose it is a bit less practical - she changes out of it as soon as the action starts up again. Presumably it is a little difficult to move about while wearing it, but it's still pretty good.

Battle Leia for the end of the movie! I love how she wraps up her love story and then gets back to the business of rescuing everyone. So she changes out of the soft warm colors and back into her white practical outfit. Without the vest - it would be too hot and she doesn't need to show her rank anymore. But because she has that romantic scene with Han, her hair is still down. So this demonstrates how she ends the movie having a similar outfit, but enough differences to show that she has changed because of her experiences.

Female representation: 10/10 I love this jumpsuit so much, you guys. Where can I get one? Anyway, same above - even without the vest, it is not scandalously figure-hugging. It again makes sense as something she would wear.

Practicality: 10/10 Just as practical. Presumably less hot and her hair is down a bit, but not enough to get in her eyes as she runs around shooting at storm troopers.

This is the dress she wears in the final scene of the movie. It is the same design as the one she wore for most of ANH, but obviously it is not literally the same dress. It might be supposed to be but this is clearly a different fabric (likely thicker material). Her hair is up in a way reminiscent of the end of ANH but much simpler. Both choices make sense as she has finally returned to the Rebellion after the adventure of this movie and is going to get a bit of a respite before the next.

Female representation: 10/10 As I said about this dress before, it is a great costume for our leading lady to be wearing. Especially for the time period. And it can be made into costumes for all ages - an added bonus - without actually infantilizing her or whatever. She is an adult, dressed as a Senator and it's great.

Practicality: 9/10 Again, it may not be the most practical for running around (certainly less than her jumpsuit) but is still reasonably practical for what she needs to do.

If you enjoyed this, check out my Star Wars for the Girlies Series (New episode on Leia!)

#leia organa #princess leia #costume reviews #may the fourth #hanleia #sw: esb

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decarbry · 2 years ago

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I'd love to learn your thoughts on the rest of the bnha cast, particularly the main characters! Could you list your top 10 and share why you like them?

THIS WAS SO TOUGH I had to go through a complete character list to make sure I didn't miss anyone and I'm still not satisfied

Honestly BNHA does so well with character variety I love so much of the cast, tho it does fall into the pit of "there are too many characters and story threads to finish them all or even mention them ever again", do not talk to me about Shinsou

Anyway we're ignoring Aizawa, Yamada, and Eri because I think everyone already knows that they're my least favorite characters /s

10. Overhaul - probably one of the worst people in the show tbh but I really loved anytime his character was on screen?? he was such a calm but simmering threat before he was actively violent and honestly his voice acting in the dub imo was REALLY special. the whole organized crime angle is also one of my vibes in storytelling so I really enjoyed his character. plus his character design is *chef's kiss*

9. Tokoyami - he's a bird man with a dark passenger that acts like a puppy sometimes what's NOT to love -- I'm actually going to cheat and tie Tokoyami with Bakugou here because I had second thoughts. Bakugou's pivot in his relationship with Midoriya was one of my favorite character development moments and felt so well-done and earned that he's definitely in my top 10

8. Mirio - BEST BOY! Togata is just so positive and wholesome and selfless, every time I revisit his clash with Overhaul I sob my eyes out. I wasn't on board with his pivot in eye design at first but once I got to know him I fell for him HARD. There's literally no downside to this guy but at the same time that's ALRIGHT! Rather than it being obnoxious it's done in a way that I find flawless. like he still has weaknesses but he's composed so well as a character

7. Amajiki - how can you not love this poor anxious guy?? he's very relatable and anytime he pushes through his head to succeed in his goals I just want to scream and hug him. plus his quirk is amazing and I could NEVER because I'm such a picky eater

6. Kurogiri/Shirakumo - THE POWER OF ANGST no but partly it’s his relationship to our two favorite UA teachers but also Oboro seemed like such a GEM and I want to know him as he was and I have such high hopes for where the story is currently headed… Kurogiri himself is such a cool reflection/twist of his original personality that I find myself trying to read into every appearance he makes. Save him please

5. Shigaraki - kind of more superficial to begin with because his motivations were never SUPER interesting to me but his character arc has been a joy to watch and YES I know villains and heroes alike in this story have great writing that make them sympathetic but. for me Shiggy is one of the most obvious. like he can't be forgiven because he has done SO much damage and taken SO many lives but he really is the perfect hybrid example of when heroes fail those around them, and when villains influence those around them. also his path from childish gamer tantrum child to legitimate terrifying threat was a slow burn that feels earned. I think he was also my favorite early character design, specifically his full-hand costume he wore first at the USJ

4. Shinsou - dude's personality aside he's impressively ambitious and I really feel for his circumstance, I kinda took to him like Aizawa did? i was really invested in his path from the start and really would love to see him achieve his goal. i just want to see what he'll doooo. he was a major part of why I enjoyed season 5. hopefully he makes an appearance in the manga to help with current events but I'm probably just wishfully thinking

3. All Might - i usually never like the "superman" character in most things but Toshinori is imo the best-written of them and he has such a great character arc. i want all the best for this man that gave and is giving so much to the world, all at the cost of himself

2. Dabi - HONESTLY these last two can be interchangable. Dabi's character design is probably my favorite in the entire story. it's simple but iconic and very visually appealing even though it's. dead and burned skin LMAO. i'll be brutally honest, tho Todoroki is a great character and Endeavor is definitely trying, that whole family drama is kinda disinteresting to me (but is getting better)(which I hope continues since it's the opinion of some of the more... vocal readers that it's all that carries the later story and if that's true I want to REALLY enjoy it, y'know?). i'm thankful for Dabi because his existence in the story finally has my ears perked towards that thread and I really appreciate his drive even though the intention is to destroy hero society

1. Hawks - I'm going to repeat myself: CHARACTER DESIGN. the moment I saw Hawks I was like. in love. I really like spy storylines in general but I get easily drawn to characters that are outwardly charming, friendly, a bit obnoxious, confident, and know exactly how to appear in order to communicate their intentions. But then deep down... soooo many secrets. Plus, aside from Hawks' tragic family story, his tie to Endeavor as his idol is an extreme positive for Endeavor's character arc in my eyes. Hawks' tragedy doesn't end there though, because in a world of government-sponsored heroes he is perhaps THE MOST government-sponsored, and though they were the reason he had the resources to get to where he is, it's a weakness that has him kind of leashed, and I find that really sad. then we have his ruthlessness, which no matter how you feel about what happened to Twice, is sometimes necessary when it comes to saving the most amount of people. Hawks being the one to take that final action cemented him in my top 3

Honorable mentions for the rest that fall into the black hole of spots 11-20:

Midoriya, Bakugou, Tsuyu, Nana Shimura, Kaminari (just a dumb, lovable lad), Midnight, Kirishima, Mirko, Ryukyu, Monoma, Honenuki, Fatgum (challenging Mirio for best boy placement), Endeavor

Honorable honorable mentions for character designs I just LOVE:

Thirteen, Snipe, Sero, Kuroiro, Mandalay/all of the Pussycats tbh, Majestic, Mr. Compress, Geten, Moonfish, USJ Nomu, Rappa

Honorable honorable honorable mention for this dude that doesn't appear enough to qualify for the list but still deserves a shout-out:

Yokumiru Mera, please let him sleep

#the formatting on this is probably going to be fecked because I copy/pasted from mobile #but ehhh #thank you Ren for the amazing question 😭#a character not on this list doesn’t mean I hate them… I could only choose so many skdhkshd #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #text post #BNHA spoilers

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sebastianshaw · 2 years ago

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In my darkest fantasies I am the picture of passivity Waiting for you silent stage Suppressing all my private rage But as my sister said I’d probably last six days - Girls Against God by Florence + the Machine I’ve said before Haven is generally my Mary Sue character now, with me just inserting her into everything and typically having everyone love her because it soothes my salty soul after how she was ACTUALLY treated. But there are some characters I do see being mean to her, because, well, it makes sense. Like Sinister, the Fenris twins, and. . .Emma. Now, evil and/or racist characters like the first two, but why Emma? Partly, I’m kinda fed up with her in canon so it’s the “make the character I don’t like look bad by being mean to my fave” Mary Sue thing. But partly, Emma actually is just mean. She’s mean even to people she LIKES. And I don’t think she’d like Haven AT ALL. Why though? Because I think in many ways, Haven throws Emma’s entire understanding of how the world works out of whack. Before I get going, I’d like to note, I am NOT an Emma expert so if you find yourself thinking my analysis is TOTALLY WRONG, you are probably right. But this has been in my head for AGES so I’m gonna get going.

Both Haven and Emma are very feminine in extremely stereotypical ways, but it’s very OPPOSITE ways of femininity. Emma is the “sharp” and “sexy” way, the femme fatale, whole “my eyeliner wings are sharp to cut the patriarchy” thing, the “women as conniving schemers” way. Haven is the “soft” way, the maternal way, the women as maternal and nurturing beings. This is even reflected in their dress; Emma in high-fashion super-skimpy stark whites with mostly sharp cuts, Haven in very traditional long flowy and ornate, detailed outfits in bright colors. An n being soft and yielding and nonsexual, Haven is everything Emma either can’t be, or thought she had to push down and stop herself from ever being in order to survive and succeed. She’s everything Emma thought she would be punished and taken advantage of if she allowed herself to become, and thus expects to see other women punished for. And yet, Haven is rewarded for it instead. And I think that would tick Emma off. Of course, Haven is NOT rewarded for ANY of this in canon. You KNOW how she’s treated in canon. But in MY world, where -I- am writing things, Haven’s way of being a woman and how she handles situations in general is, while SOMETIMES a hindrance or not effective, is also often rewarded and very effective. She takes a very different route with Emma, but gets great results. And to Emma, this is both bizarre and unfair. It’s bizarre because her entire life she’s felt she had to take the route of firstly being extremely callous and mean and disliked to get shit done, and also to exploit her beauty and sexuality for the same reason. She sees women who don’t as weaklings and fools, she’s pretty plain about this fact in the 80s when she talks to that one Hellfire maid who is upset about the costumes. So when she sees Haven doing NONE of this, doing the OPPOSITE, and getting just as good, it’s not just weird, it’s upsetting—Emma had to repress and carve away all the softness in herself to the point it became a struggle to reach even when she wanted to. Haven didn’t have to do that, but she’s reaping the benefits that Emma sacrificed so much for. There’s also the fact that her mother Hazel is the only “soft” woman (read: didn’t do anything about the abuse in their household, never spoke up against their father, etc) in Emma’s life and she’s a bystander to abuse. Emma has complicated feelings for her father; she hates him yet she credits him for making her a very successful woman. At times she seems to have empathy and even sympathy for him but she has none of that for Hazel that I’ve ever seen. She never expresses any feelings about Hazel at all to my memory. She’s a non entity, she’s just there, she doesn’t count, and I think that’s how Emma sees women who aren’t like herself, as being like Hazel. Useless people who let bad things happen because they don’t have the spine to do something. So definitely hostility and projecting there. Now, speaking of women and men. . .

In canon, Haven’s allies are almost all women, and the one guy who goes to bat for her is Madrox’s gay-coded dupe who cries and wears a pink crop top that says Stop The Hate. And I definitely think Haven is a girl’s girl, I write her as catnip to other women in various ways, but I also think she’d have quite an effect on many men too. Just, not like Emma does. Emma banks on men’s desire, exploiting their need to either have her sexually because she’s hot or to conquer her because she’s NOT docile and submissive. Haven is beautiful, and I’m sure some men find her sexy, but the response I think she mainly elicits is the response to protect, to serve her, to be polite to her, to open doors, to not swear in her presence or make her cry, that kind of thing. It is still sexist in its own way, but a far more soft and benevolent sort, where she’s pedestalized as a treasure and can get to her goals that way, rather than putting up with the insipid lust and misogyny that Emma, by her own admission, relies on. Again, she gets the same results without the same sacrifice that Emma felt she had to make.

And again, Haven is beautiful. This is remarked upon in-universe, with Strong Guy saying she looks like a “babe of the month” despite that fact that she’s 40, six feet tall, with very dark skin and, to put it bluntly, a big ass (which was NOT desirable in the “heroin chic” 90s America). None of which is unattractive, btw, but is often treated like it is. Emma is the epitome of white Western beauty standards, and she canonically did that very deliberately via hair dye and plastic surgery and she sleeps in her diamond form to stave off aging. So yet again, from Emma’s perspective, she put in all this work, but then Haven shows up and is getting the same admiration while not putting in any of the effort. It’s enraging. Doubly so since my Haven has love handles and smile lines. Given how Emma has body-shamed totally svelte women before, I have no doubt she’s got no shortage of catty comments for Haven on this matter. And the thing is, Emma does see other women as competition by default as it is even without all this extra reasoning. Her father was the abuser in her household, but that abuse made her sisters into her enemies and her mother into an enabler. We can see this attitude in how she’s interacted with other women for DECADES, always ready to tear them down in one sense or another. Ironically it’s even how she seems to ultimately bond with other women, by starting off with animosity—her and Jean, her and Storm, her and Kitty in Astonishing. Any woman that Emma is friends with has always started out firstly as a foe, and always an extremely personal one at that—these three are the ones she hurt most after Firestar. I don’t think Emma knows HOW to build a positive relationship with another woman that doesn’t begin from animosity. If Emma can build a bond with another woman that doesn’t involve seriously clawing chunks out of each other emotionally and sometimes physically along the way, I have yet to see it (no, I do not count the Lourdes retcon) And integral to this is that the other woman in the equation does strike back, does have that inside her too, often in a way as nasty and cruel as Emma herself could be. Jean, Kate, and Ororo have all shown themselves more than once to be capable of absolute brutality towards others under the right circumstances, and Jean in particular really hurt Emma in a very cruel way in retaliation once. And I think it’s only then that Emma can see these women as worthy of her respect, and as kindred spirits under the skin, someone who is like her in some way, and thus not someone she feels “bad” by comparison next to. That’s why she WANTS Haven to “hit back” to show she actually ISN’T this perfect soft enduring angel, but Haven WON’T and I think it would drive her batty. Because the thing is, I think Emma knows Haven COULD hurt her if she chose, just as badly as Jean and without even needing telepathy. Emma has an empathy and understanding of other people that she usually uses for cruelty, as she did when she was brainwashing Firestar. Haven demonstrated in canon that she COULD do the same but chose not to, when she pinpoints the psychological problems and pains of everyone in X-Factor, but approaches them with sympathy rather than manipulation. She does CLAIM she’ll use these issues against them if they keep getting in her way, but never does. So she COULD probably rip Emma an emotional new one but WONT, and her refusing to rise to any bait Emma gives—as I see Emma trying to provoke her—makes Emma both see as morally superior (which she hates) and ALSO as unworthy as respect for not taking the shot. In Emma’s head, she’s both better AND worse than she is, and she hates both options. It’s complicated, basically, as anything with Emma is. And bringing it to “feeling bad in comparison next to”--while Emma is in general proud of who and what she is and sees it as an advantage to getting things done for others that need to be done and that other characters are too “pure” to do (which is an unusual thing for a female character and I do like that about her) there are absolutely moments she’s conflicted about it and hates herself for it. I think she’s proud of who she is and looks down on others….and I also think she thinks she’s a bad person. And here Haven is, just effortlessly embodying these traits Emma is so pained by lacking (or believing that she lacks) and actually getting things done like that and people love her for it. It’s upsetting. It makes Emma feel like maybe she never had to work to strip away all softness for herself, resent Haven for not having to make the sacrifices of her own soul that she did to get the same results, it makes her feel unappreciated because don’t these people who fawn over Haven realize what SHE went through for THEM? None of which is Haven’s fault nor even necessarily reality, but it’s a very HUMAN response in my opinion. And speaking of feelings, Haven’s someone pretty clearly okay with them, whereas Emma has very much shown herself as afraid of them. And I think there’d be a definite envy that Haven can let herself be so vulnerable in so many ways and be at ease with that. I also think she sees Haven as able to escape her past and responsibility for it in a way Emma can’t, because as much as writers try and drive it into readers heads that Emma was Actually Innocent and Heroic The Whole Time, other characters did still bring up Emma’s history in-universe against her all the time well after her heel-face-turn. Whereas Haven actually does have a really goddamn good excuse. As for how Haven feels in all this. . .she handles every jab with absolute grace, not retaliating or displaying any upset. Emma’s doubtless not the first person to attempt to get under her skin for some reason. And because Haven is so uncannily perceptive and empathetic, I think she can discern at least SOME of Emma’s reasons, even if she can’t know why she has those reasons, and she has a quiet sympathy for her. Which, of course, would just piss Emma off more. Because this woman isn’t buckling or shrinking under her, which the bully in Emma wants, the need to punish other women for not being like she is, the contempt she has for that (again, see the maid), but she’s also not doing the OTHER option Emma wants either, which is rising to it, breaking her Miss Perfect mask, showing she’s NOT this angel everyone else thinks. She does NOT bow to Emma, and yet neither does she push back. She is unyielding yet softly so, like a padded wall. And I think that just drives Emma nuts. But hey, I could be wrong.

#out of shirt #haven and emma #alt marauders

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moviewarfare · 1 year ago

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A Review of “Barbie (2023)”

Barbie is one of the most iconic toys of all time! It genuinely baffled me that it took this long for there to be a Barbie film. Barbie isn't my thing, so I wasn't interested in watching this. It wasn't until the first trailer came out and the global internet cultural phenomenon "Barbenheimer", the release of Barbie and Oppenheimer on the same day, that my interest was piqued. So is life plastic, it's fantastic? Or is it just Ken?

Firstly, casting Margot Robbie as Stereotypical Barbie was perfect! She is incredibly charming and earnest in the role. She conveys a naive yet caring nature to her character while being very funny at times. Ryan Gosling as Beach Ken is also perfect casting! He is the greatest highlight with his hilarious physical performance. Every time he is on screen, he brings the laughs. Ryan also conveys a vulnerability to Ken which is surprising. Margot and Ryan have a fun chemistry together! This film has a huge cast with many playing other variations of Barbie and Ken. They are all good in their limited screen time but the stand out is Michael Cera who plays Ken's best buddy Allan. I just love how different he is from the others and how he manages to be so lovable in his limited screen time.

From the first 30 minutes, you will notice the amazing costumes and set designs. Barbieland itself looks like a Barbie toy set brought to life. The massive amount of pink covering the world, the plastic look of all the accessories, houses and cars. Every Barbie and Kens clearly had a lot of thought put into their costumes because no Barbie and Ken look the same. Every costume manages to reflect the type of Barbie and Ken they are. The music score is great and the use of vocal songs was utilized effectively. Special mention to "I'm Just Ken" sung by Ryan Gosling! Some great dance scenes are entertaining to watch with their fun choreography. It is a comedy at heart and there are quite some funny jokes and moments with a surprising amount of great adult jokes. I also love how they poke fun at Mattel and even Barbie as a brand which is a bold move. Despite that, some strong emotional moments with one near the end can definitely tug at the heartstrings.

However, the movie does suffer from some poor execution of certain elements. There is the Barbieland stuff which is enjoyable but the real-world stuff is just not that fun. It is stated early on that Barbie's thoughts are being influenced by someone playing with Barbies in the real world. How does the connection work? how much of Barbie's thought is her own? None of these things are explored, leaving many questions. On that note, certain characters will change very quickly without much build-up to these changes. Due to this, we don't get a true understanding of Barbie as a character, she changes because the film needs some kind of character development. There is also a mother and daughter character in the real world who Barbie meets. One of them is depressed and there is a rift between them but the film doesn't bother to explore the reason for any of that. We also meet Will Ferrell who plays the CEO of Mattel and he is just inconsequential to the story but takes a lot of screen time. He is also over-the-top and silly.

I was hoping for a contrast between the cartoony Barbieland and the real world. However, characters in the real world act just as cartoony and ridiculous as those in Barbie Land. It makes the real-world scenes less impactful when it should have been a big moment in the film. The film is also incredibly preachy about its feminist message that it can be exhausting. Also, the 3rd act has a silly resolution that feels contradictory to the feminist nature of this film. Additionally, every male character in this film are idiotic baby and if that gets under your skin, then this movie is not for you.

Overall, Barbie is a good fun time. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. This film is not going to appeal to everyone with its themes and message. Nevertheless, the movie is just plain entertaining and honestly, it is "Kenough" for me!

For more reviews like this visit: https://moviewarfarereviews.blogspot.com/

#movies #films #movie review #film review #barbie #barbie 2023 #barbenheimer #margot robbie #ryan gosling #dc #harley quinn

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polyhexianbirb · 2 years ago

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List of what i hate about Moon Knight

Episode 1:

Pretty much nothing.

Episode 1 was amazing,

They made the very first Vegan superhero protagonist eat a steak.

😭😭😭

As i vegan i am so happy they put that in

But sad about what they did to him.

Episode 2:

Episode 2 was okay. I liked Layla. She is cool.

Much prefer her over Marlene. (Comic ref)

Mr knight suit was cool. Didn’t like the pattern.

Kinda wish Marc’s reflection was in his costume instead of Mr. Knight’s.

Episode 3:

Most of my dislikes are in the final few episodes.

Layla, darling, ?????

Wasn’t a big fan of the Ennead.

Who was tho?

Khonshu just likes to scream.

(For me) it wasn’t too clear about who was who in the Ennead.

Might be different for others but i just had trouble figuring it out.

Never did figure it out…

Khonshu is me with bad ideas.

Episode 4:

As an Egyptian mythology nerd i hate this.

Alaxander the great was never a Pharaoh.

He was a conqueror

Not even a type of ruler.

I kinda liked the horror-aspect of the episode.

Dunno how i didn’t jump at some scenes

Overall, it was good.

Chill

Loved when Marc/Steven was shot

JAKE WAS IN THE FUCKING COFFIN

WHYYYY

😍Taweret!😍

Episode 5:

This episode was my least favourite

Plot was amazing

Loved the plot

Absolutely stunning.

Except the mythology stuff.

TAWERET IS OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN

ANUBIS IS THE ONE THAT WEIGHS THE HEARTS

WITH THE FEATHER OF MAAT

ON THE SCALES OF JUDGMENT

IN THE HALL OF TRUTH

NOT IN THE DUAT!

The Duat was the place they go after death

NOT WHISLT THEIR HEART IS BEING WEIGHT

and the issue of who does it is a whole ‘nother problem

Its meant to be Anubis.

Oh, and Ammit is the devourer of condemned souls.

Not a bringer of vengeance

Think of her as Anubis’s pet dog.

That.

And, just what is going on?

Why are so many of the deities stuck in a statue???

What did they do?

It was never quite cleared up.

And the fact they never mention how Khonshu is known as ‘the one who lives on hearts’?

And the fact that he is also a child.

That may be me getting s little bit into it

But i think it might’ve been nice to put a little bit of nerdy stuff in there

You know, for the fans.

A bit of backstory is all

What is Ammit and Khonshu’s relationship?

How does the rest of the deities think of Khonshu?

Why is everyone a statue?

That sort of stuff that i don’t feel go answered.

Episode 6:

Really liked this one.

The fight scenes were Epic

Wish we got to see a bit more of Ammit and Khonshu’s battle tho

Kinda disappointing

In original mythology before he was associated with the moon he was a cannibalistic deity who ate the hearts of other deities after killing them so i feel he should’ve been a better fighter than Ammit who just got tossed the hearts of the condemned like a bone.

But thats just me

I rlly like Layla

She is the Best Girl

The one issue i have isn’t her character

Not at all

Its her outfit

Her Suit

Her Avatar costume, if you will

Have you SEEN IT?

IT LOOKS LIKE SHE WOULD BE ISIS’S AVATAR

NOT TAWERET’S????

i wish there were some hippo themes through it

Thats all

Not wings

She looks like Isis????

😭😭😭😭😰😰😰😰

WHY?

Overall:

It was a really good show, i hope they do a season 2 or include Moon knight on some other things. It’d be great. I only have a few issues with backstory and such, may add onto this post later on as i think of more things. Its been a week since i finished watching it and has taken me a while to put my thoughts together. Will definitely go rewatch it and prolly make a new post with these things and anything new. Prolly do that as i watch it.

Steven is great, love him, so much better than he was in the comics (they kinda just used him and Jake as small plot devices, nothing more)

Marc is… i don’t know where to start. Awesome, stunning, Brilliant! I loved that we had to wait to see him. It was really nice and the shock (at least for the people who didn’t already know Moon Knight) that Steven wasn’t the Main (?Is that the right word?) i loved him as a character.

JAKE LOCKLEY!! Love him. So much. Never got to see him but i love him. Begging for season 2.

Wish they had a better Villain. Maybe Set? They would’ve been so much better. Or even Opopis, that would’ve been cool. I just want their mythology to be correct because them doing stuff wrong like that is just a pet peeve of mine. (If you look at my fanfiction you will see i try to be fairly accurate).

Kinda wish we had more backstory with the Ennead and why so many of them are in stone. Why is Khonshu so invested? Why was Taweret there instead of Anubis? What do they think of Zeus being shot? I know Khonshu would like it (he was uninvited to the orgy)

Hate Layla’s costume. Hate it.

Please don’t make Steven eat more meat.

We need season 2. If you see this and work for Marvel or Disney or whatever. Please! Im begging you.

#marvel #marc spector #moon knight #khonshu #steven grant #mcu #layla spector #layla el faouly #moon knight headcanon #moon knight tv #long post

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violet-moonstone · 1 year ago

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I feel so freaking vindicated that there are other people annoyed by the inconsistent costumes of the show and minimal description in the books.

I remember people hating on the elaborate tall hairstyles women used to wear in Kingslanding in the early seasons, but I loved it because it was such a cool way to show that someone's wealth and leisure time was related to how much time/how many servants they had to style their hair/how much money they could spend on hair pieces.

Also a great way to distinguish regional cultures. If I remember correctly, Sansa starts doing her hair differently to reflect her desire to fit into Southern Westerosi culture, and that's also a cool character writing choice too.

And then somehow we got to the last couple seasons where all the costumes changed and everyone suddenly looked like they were shopping at ye olde Killstar. And I love wearing all-black, but come on, it was so bland.

#game of thrones #got #asoiaf #hotd #house of the dragon

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courtbourt31 · 2 years ago

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The Rivals Review

Written by Richard Brinsley Sheridan

The Rivals, a 5-act comedic play was written by Richard Brinsley Sheridan and was produced and published in 1775. Which is about the romantic difficulties of Lydia Languish who is determined to marry for love and into poverty. She falls in love with the aristocratic Captain Jack Absolute who is pretending to be a poor naval officer named Ensign Beverly. Meanwhile, Jack's Friend Faulkland is engaged to Lydia’s cousin, Julia, but their relationship is tested by his mistrust and jealousy. The play explores themes of class, love, and the absurdities of human behavior through its use of clever wordplay and humorous situations.

The play was wonderful and hilarious. Plays can be so much fun and was such a great shift in atmosphere for me after watching so many movies. The theater is alive with laughter and joy and it was such a beautiful place to be. In a way, I felt like someone from the 18th century seeing a play and how during that time period, comedy was a way to distract from the ruins and horrors of the world and still does to this day.

I have seen plays before and been in them but it has been a while since I brought myself back to that place. There is definitely a difference compared to high school and college productions and one of those key differences was the detail in set, costuming, and makeup. They had beautifully large dresses with extravagant wigs all perfectly representing the right time period and styles. The men were wearing gorgeous heels and long socks each reflecting the character's status as well as personality. Each with there own color scheme and accessories. The acting was brilliant and hilarious, I personally loved the blue guy he had perfect comedic timing and would feed off of the crowd’s energy. Every piece was incredible well throughout making every piece full and rich with detail. Perfectly sharing the fashion and lifestyle of the upper class in 18th century england.

Watching the effortless flow of everything and the beauty of it all come together was brilliant. Along with the subtle lighting changes and the swift nature of set changes that happened within seconds as if they never happened was incredible. But also how comedic everyone was in every moment. There was a person who held a mirror the entire time and they were one of the funniest people there. They would mimic the body langue of whoever was looking in the mirror, which was quite hilarious. I absolutely loved it and want to see more plays in the future but mostly the ones that our school shows because they are incredible and are full of talented people, it was like I was at the rep theatre.

-Courtney Peterson

#blog #the rival #play

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rainypaperangel · 3 years ago

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I didn't like how they dressed the Monster High characters for the upcoming movies... so I re-did it xD

Disclaimer; this is just my opinion, and I've never made a clothes collection whatever-they're-called post, soeh... bear with me. I also didn't do everyone, just the ones I though could be improved upon the most! The movie will premiere on Nickelodeon, do I understand they couldn't make the characters as edgy as in the cartoon (they could, but we can't have nice things) - anyway, take this with a grain of salt!

Frankie Stein

I like how they made Frankie preppy, but they also looks a bit... boring? The dress or whatever it is seem a bit plain - I'd split it up between a plaid skirt and a plain, white blouse, and from thereon use accessories and the likes of that to make it more interesting. I chose carefully so nothing would clash with the skirt, and like in the show, Frankie's accessories are silver and metallic.

I though the tights were a bit too much - I understand they can't be too "sexy" for kids' TV, but they also look a bit clunky. I replaced them with thinner tights that doesn't look like they were ripped on purpose.

Draculaura

A key feature of Draculaura's is that she's cute and romantic, and I don't really think that's reflected in her movie-costume. She looks too much like Frankie, preppy, and not like she's 1600 years old.

In the show, she wears a lot of Victorian-inspired clothing, so I chose a poofy Lolita skirt and a pink blouse to go with it. I figured a charm bracelet would suit her, plus a bat-backpack. She has a lot of heart-imagery in her design, so I added heart earrings.

Cleo DeNile

I kind of like Cleo's outfit, but not for an Egyptian princess. Cleo's over the top, so I chose her outfit exclusively in gold and marine colors. She wears a lot of jewelry, most of which is probably amulets and other magic trinkets for protection and all that...

I was worried the excessive amounts of gold would be too much, but both the boots, the shawl, and the hair piece(?) is a deep blue - I think this would make a nice balance.

Clawdeen Wolf

I think Clawdeen's outfit was the one I minded the least, but it still didn't feel quite like her. I put her in a similar dark, purple outfit, but I chose a more emo-like skirt and some more daring jewelry and shoes.

I wanted to put her in a fur jacket, but I just didn't like any of the ones found, so I opted for a leather jacket instead - I also figured that'd be good for hunting.

Lagoona Blue

I'll be honest, I'm not suuuper hooked on the outfit I ended up with, but I think it'd be better with a blue skin tone (why is she not blue when almost everyone else gets a color??). The bracelet is Australian opals and reminds me of the ocean - I think she'd look at it when she feels homesick.

I never liked Lagoona's shoes, so I chose some more practical sneakers for her that she could actually run in. The flowers are hair-clips, which I think'd look great in big, curly, blonde hair. I also think she'd wear her jacket tied around her wait most of the time, unless it was really sunny and she worried about drying out.

Deuce Gorgon

I took this as an opportunity to completely re-design Deuce's outfit. White tank-top, leather pants, and a snakey-green leather jacket - couldn't you just imagine it?! I wanted the snake imagery to be there, but more subtle - I would love a more edgy take on Deuce where he tries to handle how he feels about his abilities; a part of his heritage, and yet, a curse...

So I ended up with a snake ring and dark glasses with snake handles (whyyyy is his live-action glasses not tinted?). I also added a red bracelet, which, in a movie-setting, I would prefer to have Greek-inspired imagery, but hey... It's a nod to the red accents of his cartoon outfit.

Also, trans Deuce supremacy <3

#hope you liked it!#monster high #monster high redesign #monster high movie #monster high live action #frankie stein #draculaura #cleo denile #lagoona blue #deuce gorgon #mh #ever after high #mattel #nickelodeon #nostalgia #cartoon redesign

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wackus-bonkus-maximus · 2 years ago

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Thinking about it, who, of the main viewpoint characters in One Does Not Love Breathing (Marinette, Adrien, Chloe, Luka, Kagami, and Felix, the others either haven't gotten viewpoints or haven't gotten to do much of significance yet), do you think would handle it best if the person they loved the most was murdered? Because currently from what you've said and my evaluations, it looks like this:

Ladybug: Obviously this is the one we see in your story. She's still a hero, and still recognizable as herself, but she's a lot more ruthless and less willing to listen to reason than she would be under more normal circumstances. But what we see from her is still stuff that would've been at least somewhat recognizable pre-Chat's death, it's just that they would've been when she was under more extreme stressed circumstances, and she's under those extreme stressed circumstances all the time now, as a baseline.

Chat Noir: If Ladybug had been murdered and died in his arms, he would've been worse than Ladybug is now, full stop. Unlike Ladybug, I doubt that he would've been all that recognizable as being the same person - I suspect that his suit would change to reflect his new attitude and mindset. Also unlike Ladybug, I don't think there'd be as many similarities to how he acted before the murder, as he repressed his negative emotions so tightly and let go of them so quickly before. But with Ladybug being murdered... well, he's highly emotionally dependent on her, she means the most to him out of everyone in the world. If she was ripped away like that, I think he'd break to the point where he'd lose some of his sense of self, hence the costume change.

Chloe: This one's tricky, as she doesn't have anyone she cares about on the scale that Ladybug and Chat Noir care about each other (though to be fair, I don't think anyone else on this list does.) So I think she'd be less affected based on that alone. Still, if say, Zoe was murdered in front of her, I think she'd become more focused and brutal on taking her murderer down. Ironically it might actually drive her MORE towards heroism, as I don't think Zoe's death would completely break her, but that it would mean that she'd never side with anyone who could or would hurt an innocent like that again.

Luka: He's the one I really can't evaluate, as much as I'm beginning to understand your version of him. If Zoe was killed in front of him, I dunno how he'd react. He obviously cares for her deeply, and I think it's safe to say that he wouldn't be passive towards anything or anyone involved in her murder, but beyond that, I don't really know how it'd affect him on a deeper level as a person.

Kagami: Whoever killed Felix would die, and whoever got in her way of avenging Felix's murder would be injured. Kagami has strong moral principles, but they're brittle, in a way - push them hard enough, and they'll break. Ironically I'm almost certain that she'd be worse on the "morally compromised" front than Ladybug is, and would basically react LIKE Ladybug did, but on a more extreme level.

Felix: Whoever killed Kagami would die, Whoever tried to stop him from committing murder would, bare minimum, be thrown in prison, though there's a good chance of him severely injuring them instead or even outright killing them, and unlike everyone else on this list, I think he'd go for full "society will burn for her death, they all deserve it". He was already fully willing to throw Paris at a powered-up Monarch's mercy just because it netted him the Peacock Miraculous, and told him that was a justified thing to do since only he cared about the Sentis, and just... didn't really consider everyone living under the magical terrorist's grip to be his problem. So it's not like he's exactly known for caring about collateral damage anyway.

omg i love this question. a great thing to ponder first thing in the morning ☀️and you gave me such good insights into their psyches, too! all the characters look so badass under your lens 😂

i'll go in order of handling it the best to handling it the worst.

luka - i believe the death that would devestate him the most would be juleka's, given how they're twins. next would be zoe's, and the longer they were together the worse it would be. no he wouldn't be passive, but he's the only one on here who wouldn't consider going out for blood. he would handle the loss in a really internalized way (depression, etc) and seek justice rather than revenge. but i also think he'd willingly attend therapy if goaded. he'd be sort of okay after a time.

kagami - this is a case-by-case kind of issue, so it really just depends. i mentioned before that she would kill monarque if monarque killed felix, but only just expose ladybug and reveal her identity and crimes if lb was the murderer. ladybug is not as evil as monarque, after all, and has done good things for the world. kagami would become judge, jury, and/or executioner based on what the situation called for. she would give the murderer exactly what she thought they deserved, and much like lb if you get in the way of that expect to suffer the consequences. and only then would she feel vindicated.

chloe - you're right about her, she would not hesitate to stab zoe's murderer on the spot. and if somehow the killer got arrested instead and had to go through the entire trial process, chloe would be advocating for the death penalty. i like your theory about this driving her more toward heroism, in a way. chloe might not go full hero, maybe vigilante though XD i don't think she'd ever be okay, really. she's not at the moment, due to how completely love-starved she is. and with zoe gone, chloe would be even more of an emotionally brittle mess than before and probably get herself into some toxic relationships to cope.

marinette - case in point lol. she loved chat noir more than anyone in the world when he died and so yeah. she's not doing great. like you said, she does still try to be a hero though but emotionally, she's a wreck. not unrecognizeable though, you can still get through to her, for now.

felix - yeah you're spot on. in his case we kind of got a preview of how he handles the death of someone he loves already. amelie said that after his dad died, he started acting out (i.e the episode "felix"). losing amelie or kagami or adrien would be extremely damaging to him. i don't think revenge would be enough. he'd not be as deranged as marinette is, but i can see him hunting down the murderer in a slow, methodical way and ruining their life first before killing them. he would never feel satisfied by that though. i can see him turning into a hawkmoth kinda villain to get more power to prevent that kind of thing from happening again.

adrien - ooh a costume change for villain chat noir would be so cool! maybe he'd go white like chat blanc, just without being under the influence of an akuma 👀 you're absolutely right on his being unable to cope with ladybug's death there. he wouldn't be ok. nobody would be ok. he wouldn't even really be adrien anymore, like you said; he'd probably go the hawkmoth route and try to bring her back because that's the only way he'd know how to cope.

#odnlb #one does not love breathing #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #felix graham de vanily #kagami tsurugi #chloe bourgeois #luka couffaine #miraculous ladybug #mlb

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vidavalor · 7 months ago

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Whew! This was a ride @jotun-philosopher :) I like how you incorporated all the characters and I laughed hard at that description of Gabriel. While we have different thoughts about what's to come, I really like how you write and I was especially taken with how you described the gold trim of the angels' robes as chains and mentioned their bare feet in days of old and how these things give off a sense of captivity. I hadn't really thought of it in that way before and I think you're right. I love how it connects as well with the shoe/walking/running motifs-- the professional midwife/cobbler, Gabriel escaping in S1 by going for jogs in the park, Shax's shoe in the S2 finale, etc..

One of the things I see as evoking a sense of captivity and pain is the idea that Crowley and Aziraphale both have been given "crowns of thorns", so-to-speak, in scenes related to how being an angel and a demon has impacted their health, as Aziraphale's halo reminded me a lot of this:

Your post then reminded me of how I was writing awhile back about how the trim on Crowley's costume in Rome reminded me of a spiking heart monitor and helped reflect his anxiety a bit. You could also maybe argue it's a similar chain-like thing to what you're saying about the angels' outfits.

S2 showing us that, in the old days, the angels all used to wear basically the same thing, then makes it even more fun that Gabriel, at some point, just went nah, I'm getting my own raiment. I'm tired of wearing this bedsheet. Aziraphale choosing his wardrobe on Earth to fit in is one thing-- and a really great thing-- but Gabriel going to Earth, getting a custom-made suit, and then going back up to Heaven like 'this is what The Supreme Archangel wears because it's what I feel like wearing, end of story, everyone is free to pick out their own clothes and express themselves as individuals' is actually pretty impressive. He's subtly been good trouble for awhile now. 😊

Have bookmarked that resource on Sumerian language-- thanks for sharing that. 💕

A narrative clothesline

The following ramble isn't what I think is *likely* to happen in S3; it's more of a narrative clothesline that my brain has constructed almost completely independently of any conscious effort on my part, influenced by various metas and my own and others' speculation, and it serves as a thing onto which I can peg images and vignettes and headcanons that I really like. (My brain is a very interesting place and tends to make stuff up without me noticing...) This gets VERY LONG, so have a bookmark handy!

Wackiness under the cut! Also torture, psychological abuse, violence, PTSD -- tread carefully.

Also, a friendly reminder to never, ever show this to Neil Gaiman -- if you do, and especially if it means he has to scrap S3 as currently written and start over, I will infiltrate your walls, steal all your snacks and replace them with rancid cat food and concentrated skunk juice. Clear?

Good! Now, on with the motley!

***

Long, long before any sort of beginning, eons (if such temporal vocabulary makes sense here, given that time hasn't been invented yet) before a certain flame-haired starmaker realised he needed a hand with his blueprints, the Archangels Raphael and Azrael become suspicious of the Metatron and his interpretation of the Great Plan, becoming the first two angels *ever* to question when they start probing his motives. The Metatron takes great exception to this, and by the time he's finished with them, there isn't enough left to make two whole angels. Scenting a possibility for experimentation, he stitches these remnants together into a single new angel of lesser rank, who he hopes will be more compliant and biddable.

...Okay, you can stop laughing now.

[Main Titles]

See, in modern times (a couple of months or so after Gabriel's shock resignation), the Supreme Archangel "Raphael" -- resplendent in elaborately draped robes of Heavenly white (difficult to run or defend oneself in) with wide bands of elaborate gold decoration at the wrists and high collar (which, looked at another way, resemble symbolic chains) over bare feet (terribly angelic, but a classic way to humiliate captives while making it harder for them to flee). The overall effect is of regal, ethereal magnificence and dignity -- unless you know the full context, in which case the clearest impression is one of mockery, contempt and "We own you -- mind, body and soul -- and can do what we like to you with absolute impunity. Think about that before you consider rebelling."

The facial features and shock of fluffy white hair are heartbreakingly familiar, the utterly blank facial expression and stiff, upright demeanour less so. His voice, when he speaks, is many octaves below the 'soft bookseller' tones one might expect. Also unusual is "Raphael"'s tendency, when unobserved, to stare into space while touching his mouth or fiddling with a mysterious silvery trinket; otherwise, he goes about his duties in the manner expected of an Archangel, knowing only what he needs to know to prepare for the Second Coming. Which means that when his predecessor in post and a former Duke of Hell sneak in via an unregarded rear entrance to plant bugs, "Raphael" doesn't notice or react to them at all!

Cut to Crowley sprawling on a bench in some rural area, brooding deeply and looking portentously undisturbable (his native optimism is taking a while to rev up after the recent emotional whammies). When someone unexpectedly stands between him and the sun, he starts to snarl at them, only to be interrupted by a cheery, "Party name of Crowley?" Crowley leaps up, startled, accusatory and hostile, but the International Express delivery guy hastily clarifies, "It's ok, sir, just a mundane delivery -- but the lady was very specific about where to find you." Crowley (recognising the style) simmers down enough to take the letter with some grumbled thanks, opens it and is stopped in his grouchy tracks by a reference to the body swap that could *only* come from someone deeply familiar with the Nice & Accurate Prophecies.

Attention thoroughly caught, he scans the rest of the letter, swears in ancient Sumerian and bolts for the Bentley, nearly colliding with four startled, nervous-looking angels in militaristic garb. Crowley reaches for his crank handle, but then notices odd details -- the large wooden box one of them is holding, the dishevelled state of the uniforms, the insignia, all four of the angels bowing to him with deep and genuine respect... "Hang on, you lot are from Aziraphale's old platoon, aren't you? What the blazes are you doing here?"

The angel holding the box stutters in fright for a few seconds, but manages to get out, "Th-The L-T... He's...not exactly dead, but we're not sure what the Metatron did to him. W-whatever it was, it was bad, so we, that is the platoon, got together and drew lots and we gathered all the L-T's personal effects we could find and deserted..." The angel proffers the box to Crowley, while one of the less-intimidated angels explains, "You're effectively the L-T's next of kin, the whole platoon saw him desert in favour of you during the last go at Armageddon, and we've decided we respect him and you more than we fear the Metatron."

Crowley is very impressed, and says so. "But what about the rest of you?"

"They're back Upstairs, keeping watch over the L-T in case of untoward developments."

"Rrrrright... Oooooookayyy... I take it, then, that you're willing to take orders from me until the Second Coming is foiled?" The deserters nod. "Right, in that case -- you know where the Bookshop is? Meet me there, but don't teleport directly; it's too easily traced." The deserters salute crisply and set off flying, while Crowley climbs into the Bentley and takes a moment to investigate the box. It does indeed contain Aziraphale's clothes and personal effects, and he spends a couple of minutes just holding the familiar old waistcoat against his cheek and inhaling its scent, before starting the engine and veering off at speed. He's so awash with emotion that the one item missing from the box doesn't immediately register...

Back in Soho, things are fairly slow in Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death, so Nina's got time to chat with the customers. They're interrupted by the sound of a recklessly driven 1933 Bentley blaring Velvet Underground dopplering up the street in their direction. The Bentley turns within its own length and slips neatly into position outside the Bookshop, before disgorging a goth-punk redhead and a snatch of vocals -- "RUN RUN RUN RUN RUUUUN". The redhead slams the door, hefts a large box under his arm, yells, "FUCK THA SECOND COMING!!!!! HAHAHA!!" skyward (with accompanying hand gestures) and swaggers into the Bookshop as if he owns the place. Following a stunned silence, the customers ask, "Who...was that?" Nina replies, "Oh, that's Mr Crowley. He's one of our local, uh, characters. Basically co-owns that bookshop with his husband."

Inside the Bookshop, Crowley calls, "Oi, Muriel! You there?" and is answered by a nervous squeak from a pile of books on the mezzanine. He leaves the box by the till, bounces up there and glances from the haphazardly stacked volumes to the extremely worried scrivener hiding behind them. Plopping comfortably on the floor, he asks, "Lord of the Rings, eh? [waves the book in question] How're you getting on with Tolkien?"

Caught a little off-guard by Crowley's sudden appearance and friendly demeanour, Muriel replies, "Um.. I-I-I... It's good, but I found it a bit overwhelming. I-I liked the bit about the elves only guarding their forest, not ruling or owning it, though."

"Yeaaah, Tolkien's style can be a bit much if you're not used to it. He was a pretty interesting guy, though, great linguist. You'd've liked him. Anything else grab your interest?"

Muriel brightens up a little. "Yeah! The Discworld stuff is great! There's so much there to think about that I hadn't even considered before! There was this bit in one of the later ones, about sin being treating people as things, and um, I..." Crowley gestures for them to continue. "Well, it got me thinking about how the Metatron was before, with the stuff in the trial we saw, and just telling Mr Fell that I was going to be in charge here without giving him a say, which is a big overreach and a kind of theft, and I think the wards are damaged but I can't fix them myself because that would really be theft, and I think the building's a bit sapient and resents my presence, and I haven't opened or anything because I don't know how bookshops work and don't have Mr Fell's permission to sell things, and I... I don't want the Second Coming to happen because there are so many books I haven't read yet!!!"

Crowley makes a 'simmer down' gesture. "Okay. Taking it from the top: Thinking is always good, never stop doing it. You're absolutely right about Heaven and the Metatron sinning by treating people as things. We will need Aziraphale here to reset the wards, but there're ways to shore them up without committing metaphysical theft. This building may well be a bit sapient, like my car, because Aziraphale's put so much time and love into it. If you're truly against the Second Coming, then you have my permission to be here. Aziraphale actively tries to avoid opening or making sales anyway, so you're doing fine on that front. Okay?"

He's about to say more, but is interrupted by a sound from outside that could be described as "a six-foot-tall cat played by John Hamm negotiating the expulsion of a particularly obstinate hairball while in extreme emotional distress".

Of course, what is actually is, is a certain renegade Supreme Archangel who's seen something that's upset him to the point of dry heaving and loud emotional meltdown: "THEY KILLED HIM!!! THEY WIPED HIM LIKE THEY WERE GOING TO DO TO ME AND THEY PUT HIM IN MY OLD JOB AND THAT SOMEHOW MAKES IT WORSE!!!" Beelzebub tries to calm him down, and they eventually succeed in directing Gabriel's attention to the Bentley, the Bookshop and the startled redhead leaning out of the doors.

It's a mark of the seriousness of the situation that Crowley lets them into the Bookshop without a word of snark. He directs them to the sofa, pours himself into the chair opposite and stares at them with a quizzically raised eyebrow. "Why'd you come back?"

Gabriel is still gathering himself, so Beez answers, "We got talking... We both have a lot to atone for, and Gabriel wanted to repay you and Aziraphale for your kindness better than he could have done when everything blew up before [Gabriel nods emphatically]. Then we reasoned that the destruction of everything in Armageddon round two would catch us wherever we were, and we'd be just as dead as if we'd been executed for returning..."

"...so we figured, what the heck, let's make it worthwhile!" Gabriel takes a slightly shaky breath. "So we came back to help you and Aziraphale mess up this Apocalypse, and we snuck into Heaven to plant spy flys [Beez smirks while Crowley does an impressed double-take], but then we saw..."

"Yeah, I heard you." Crowley pulls out the letter from earlier and hands it over. "Aziraphale's not dead, he's way too stubborn for that. We have more allies than you think, but we've got to plan carefully or we're stuffed. Speaking of allies..." He launches himself upright and swaggers to the door, where the deserters he met earlier have just landed. In something of a Regimental-Sergeant-Major mode, he says, "Right, you lot, this Bookshop is pretty much HQ for now, but the wards are damaged and we can't properly repair them without Aziraphale. Set up a guard duty rota covering all possible entrances and exits, at the double, but keep it discreet. Got that?" That done, he gently dragoons Muriel into helping him get his plants out of the Bentley and into his and Aziraphale's bedroom. When he's alone once more, he spends a few moments puttering around, sorting out his angel's clothes from the box (noting the missing bow tie with a twinge of sadness) and lining up the plants on the windowsill and anywhere else they'll fit. That done, he sternly tells them, "Right, you lot, listen up! You live here now, got it? So you'd better look nice for when Aziraphale gets back or else!" The plants visibly stand to attention as Crowley wields his plant mister threateningly, before gently spritzing their leaves.

Up in Heaven, "Raphael" has by chance managed to scrape up enough independent thought to wonder about the strange silvery trinket he's been holding on to without properly noticing its existence. Once the idea enters his consciousness, it won't leave, and he suddenly can't focus on anything else [the vibe and camera angels I have in mind are very 'Professor Yana properly noticing his pocket watch', but less evil]. He happens to still be holding it when he starts absently touching his mouth again, he accidentally swallows it...And there's a burst of mental white light, a garbled flood of memories -- Aziraphale is restored! He takes a couple of seconds to reorient himself, stretches his neck from side to side, wiggles his shoulders and generally limbers up to be a Chaotic Murder Hornet... Then Saraquel forcibly re-imposes the "Raphael" persona, but squashing Aziraphale inside his own mind rather than erasing him outright; she has her own plans regarding the Metatron, and can't afford to let Azzy be too chaotic too early.

Aziraphale is understandably furious and immediately starts testing the bounds of this latest development with subversive intent. (Beware the fury of a patient angel!)

Back in Soho, a day or two later, Nina's becoming increasingly worried about Heavenly and Hellish matters that she's witnessed or inferred; she's feeling a little awkward about contacting Crowley, but sends a message across to the Bookshop anyway. Crowley swaggers across the road in reply at about closing time (after a long shift monitoring the spy-flys), helps Nina carry some stuff inside, then sprawls in a chair with a raised-eyebrow Look. "Got your message."

Under the pressure of the sunglasses and the eyebrow, Nina quails a little, but says, "I... I owe you an apology." Crowley's other eyebrow goes up. "For raving hypocrisy. I shouldn't have tried to lecture you on how to run your relationship right after telling you off for doing the same thing. I'm sorry."

"We're even, then." Crowley sits up and leans forward. "There's something else, though. You're scared, about something you can't ask anyone else about. What is it?"

Nina hesitates, worried about sounding odd, then says, "You know Wintersmith?" Crowley nods emphatically. "I was reading it last night, and the part where Tiffany's critiquing a romance novel's depiction of a sheep farm made me think about coffee shop AU fanfiction and the stuff they get wrong -- like the characters running off in the middle of the morning rush to interfere in their neighbours' love lives -- and then I realised there're a few things about Maggie that don't add up, and there're angels and demons all over the place and WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON???"

Crowley is more or less unruffled. Gently, he tells Nina, "I'm the last person to discourage asking questions, and I understand why you have them, but this is one of those situations where getting answers is a risk; you can't un-eat an apple and expect to get the same apple back afterward, and the truth you're asking about would probably look like cosmic horror from a human perspective. If you and any of the other Whickber Sstreet Traderss really want answerss, I'm prepared to give them -- say, tomorrow evening at the Bookssshop? -- but be very ssure you truly want to know. Ok?" Upon her confirmation, he takes his leave, sashaying back to the Bookshop as Nina starts to work out why he used an apple metaphor in particular...

The next evening, the Bookshop is more full of people than it has been for quite some time; the Whickber Street Traders & Shopkeepers have (as Crowley suspected) been wanting answers about what's going on since the Meeting Ball. He's trying to call the meeting to some kind of order when there's another knock at the door. Suspicious (everyone he was expecting is already present), Crowley approaches the doors just as two file cards are pushed through the letterbox, showing Prophecies 3008 and 5004. Once he's recovered from the surprise, Crowley tears open the door to reveal Anathema Device and Newt Pulsifer and invites them in without further ado. Introductions are swiftly made, and Anathema explains that she knew she'd be needed tonight to explain about Agnes, and wanted to take the opportunity to pass on the Nice & Accurate Prophecies card index to someone who'd truly appreciate it for what it is. She then has to shake Newt a bit, because he's been rooted to the spot, staring in awe around the Bookshop. "This place is brilliant! It's kind of the Platonic ideal of old bookshops! I... [excited squeak, gesturing]"

Flattered on Aziraphale's behalf, Crowley smirks, notes that it's kind of Newt to say so, then saunters over to the till and rings the handbell for silence. "I hereby call to order this Truly Extraordinary Meeting of the Whickber Street Traders & Shopkeepers Association. I know you all want answers about what's been going on, and you definitely deserve them. Where would you like to start?"

Nina raises a hand and asks, "That metaphor you used yesterday, about eating apples -- there was a reason you used that, wasn't there?"

"Ah, yessssssssss!" Crowley grins hugely. "An excellent choice! Imagine, if you will a desert, and within that desert, a huge walled garden with a certain tree in the centre. A certain demon has been told to 'get up there and make some trouble', but he isn't really used to being a demon yet and has doubts about this whole 'evil for evil's sake' business, so he does the least troublesome thing he can think of that fits the brief, finds the official response a tad excessive, recognises the cute Principality on duty at the Eastern Gate, slithers over for a chat, the angel admits to giving away his flaming sword out of compassionate concern, and, well..."

"Vavoom?" Gabriel seems to be trying hard not to squee too obviously.

"Vavoom!" agrees Crowley, not buying the act for a second. He proceeds to recount (in as concise a manner as he can) the 6000-odd years of his and Aziraphale's joint history, not going into too much detail on specific incidents, apart from the Job business (at the request of Gabriel and some of the shopkeepers who'd never liked the 'official' version -- Gabe's pretty good-humoured about how daft the whole affair makes him look) and somewhat on the Bullet Catch (to impressed noises from Mutt and his spouse). It's all surprisingly lighthearted until the account gets to the arrival of the Antichrist and the first Armageddon, at which point Crowley becomes focused and deadly serious, calling in frequent contributions from Gabe, Beez, Newt and Anathema (the story of the body-swap dodge gets a rousing cheer, though!) and emphasising that what ultimately resolved the crisis was humans being magnificently human. Things get even more serious when the explanations reach Gabriel's casting-out and the impending Second Coming/Armageddon v2, and once the story's finished, the Whickber Street Traders have a moment of overwhelmed silence.

Nina breaks the silence by rather numbly commenting that Crowley really wasn't kidding about the cosmic horror thing. Other traders join in, contemplatively noting that the Ineffable Husbands are humanity's unofficial godparents and the ultimate queer elders, and Mr Brown (who's old enough to remember both) remarks on the parallels with both the Cold War and the dark times when homosexuality was illegal.

The atmosphere is rudely broken by an indication that someone Upstairs wishes to speak to Muriel immediately. Beez, the shopkeepers and guests immediately dive for cover behind every available bookshelf, while Crowley and Gabriel throw Muriel candles for the summoning circle and take cover themselves.

Muriel greets the activated circle with a cheery, polite, "Hello, this is the Angelic Embassy in London, Muriel speaking, how can I help?" A familiar (?) silhouette forms in the light within the circle; the Archangel "Raphael" is checking in to make sure that nebulously defined preparations on Earth are going well, and he is in addition curious as to why there were so many humans in the Bookshop earlier. Muriel explains that they were hosting a shopkeepers' association meeting, adding on the spur of the moment that it's part of their Earthly cover. As soon as they mention that, "Raphael"'s expression visibly twitches and glitches, as if there's some fierce internal struggle going on, he hunches over, looks up -- and it's Aziraphale in control once more, forcing himself out from under the imposed persona and visibly terrified.

Gabbling with nerves and fidgeting agitatedly with his hands, Aziraphale delivers a frantic apology for messing with everyone's heads at the Meeting Ball and begs Muriel to pass the message on if they can, because he's not sure he'll live to deliver it in person or be able to make practical amends. While Muriel is promising to pass the message on, Mutt notices something about Aziraphale's hand movements -- subtle pulling and folding among the agitated flailing -- and laser-focuses on that through a gap in the bookshelves. Cautiously, Muriel starts to ask whether there're any messages for Crowley, but Aziraphale notices there's someone listening in on his end and frantically gestures for Muriel to stop talking (in the process concealing a subtle wrist-flick throwing motion). He has a split-second to make eye contact with Crowley and attempt to convey "I love you more than anything" via eyebrow movements, and to receive a raised-eyebrow nod that conveys "I love you too, I'm working on things down here, I know what I'm holding without looking, and the answer to the associated question is yes," in return, before the "Raphael" persona is forcibly reimposed.

It's unsettling to watch -- his body is yanked mechanically, involuntarily upright like a puppet having its strings pulled, and he settles too smoothly back into the formal posture from the start of the call as his face becomes utterly blank once more. The call ends in a thoroughly conventional fashion, leaving the meeting attendees creeping out from their hiding places looking extremely shaken.

One or two people, once they've found their voices again, start to wonder aloud whether Aziraphale's apology was remotely sincere. Crowley confirms that it was, in a tone that suggests he's perplexed and a bit offended that anyone could think otherwise. Mutt backs him up. "He was in fear for his life! Who'd waste time lying in that kind of situation?!" He takes a couple of calming breaths, "So, yes, completely sincere, but I got the sense that it was at the same time a sort of misdirecting patter. Did anyone else see what he was doing with his hands? Looked like pulling something out of his sleeves and throwing it out of the circle right before he..."

"You're absolutely right." Crowley holds out his right hand and opens it to reveal a small, roundish tartan lump. As he unwraps Aziraphale's bow tie from around the package, he continues, "The thing about conducting a millennia-long clandestine relationship with painful annihilation as the price of discovery is that you have to be, or get, very good at communicating in ways that won't be understood or noticed by anyone who doesn't know the full context [quick sideways glance at Maggie and Nina]. For example, this..." He finishes unwrapping the bow tie to reveal Aziraphale's signet ring. "...means, among other things, 'I trust you with everything that I am.'" No-one dares say a word as Crowley slips the ring onto the ring finger of his left hand and secures the bow tie around his watch strap. He then wearily dismisses the meeting, responding to queries from the Whickber Street Traders about how they can help by saying, "Just... Keep being human, as hard as you can. That's what did for Armageddon last time..."

Up in Heaven, Saraquel is worried and speculative as she watches "Raphael" depart to resume his duties elsewhere, looking unusually shaky. She consults the memory-mangling app on her angelphone and realises that repeatedly imposing the "Raphael" persona without first erasing Aziraphale has rendered that persona increasingly fragile and liable to be thrown off permanently at any time.

Aziraphale does just that as soon as he's sure he's unobserved, but (warned by his previous experiences) acts as if he hasn't, all while weaving a small illusion miracle to bolster the pretence until he's ready to cast it off.

A couple of days later, Crowley is sitting in Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death, brooding deeply and knocking back inordinate quantities of Nina's strongest espresso after a night watching the spy-flys. He's jolted out of his reverie by the arrival of the International Express delivery guy, cheery and businesslike as ever, bringing a letter from Anathema and a large parcel she's passing on for someone else. Crowley opens the letter first, reads it in mounting agitation, quaffs the last of his latest coffee and races back to the Bookshop. While Muriel's examining the letter, Crowley opens the parcel to find a number of things from Aziraphale -- Gabriel's scarf and tailored overcoat (along with an apologetic note about not being able to find more of his clothes), all records of his attempted execution and Gabriel's kangaroo court, information on the murders of Azrael and Raphael, a complete list of angels who've been memory-wiped without Falling (Muriel is perturbed to find their own name on the list), change logs for the Book of Life, details of other things the Metatron has been doing in an attempt to impede the Ineffable Husbands' ability to muck up Armageddon round 2; all in all, a very helpful mound of evidence for anyone intending to take down the system. In mounting fear for Aziraphale's safety and warned by part of Anathema's letter, Crowley leaves the Bookshop, the parcel and its contents under the temporary care of Gabriel, Beelzebub and Muriel and goes tearing off in the Bentley, Best of Queen blaring from the radio. Near the M25, though, the playback is interrupted by an ominous announcement: "Peoples of the Earth, please attend carefully. The information that follows is vital to the future of all of you..."

Up in Heaven, the Metatron is hijacking every sound-emitting device on Earth to transmit the "good news" about the Second Coming. He makes a smarmy, patronising speech about how wonderful it's going to be and how humanity should rejoice about the culmination of the Great Plan etc. etc. before introducing "Supreme Archangel Raphael" and handing him the trumpet to blow to formally begin hostilities. "Raphael" takes the trumpet (a tad dubiously, but the Metatron's too full of himself to notice) but doesn't immediately move to use it. Instead, in a deep and resonant voice, he says, "Before we begin, there is a quotation that I feel is very appropriate at this juncture." He then drops the "Raphael" illusion entirely and scrunches up the trumpet like tissue paper as he says, "As a wise and wily serpent once said, 'Great pustulent mangled BOLLOCKS to the GREAT BLASTED PLAN!'", his voice rising through the octaves to the familiar Aziraphale tones.

As Metatron has a major 'oh crap' moment (and Crowley, barrelling along the motorway, registers surprise, affection, pride and intense concern simultaneously), Aziraphale builds on his advantage of surprise to bluntly explain exactly what's really intended to happen, viciously and succinctly eviscerating the concept of 'Rapture' and the idea of Heaven and Hell giving a flying fuck about humanity, utterly condemning the celestial/infernal ego games and urging any angels or demons who've been doubting the plan to desert, explore life on Earth for themselves and make their own decisions.

Metatron, having recovered from the shock, tries to get his plans back on track. "My Lord Archan--"

"No." Aziraphale starts determinedly walking towards the elevators. "My name is Aziraphale. I am a Principality, and I claim the Earth and every living being upon it as my protectorate. The Archangel Raphael died a very long time ago, as you should know full well, Metatron, given that you murdered him."

The Metatron switches to faux-concern: "You have to do this! you're going against the Great Plan! You'll be damned--"

Aziraphale shrugs and keeps walking. "I am reliably informed that it's not so bad once you get used to it."

The Metatron is furious now: "You're a worthless remnant stitched together from worthless remnants, and if you want to have any value at all in your miserable little existence--"

Aziraphale makes a dismissive gesture and keeps walking, outwardly unaffected. (Cutaway to Crowley: "Oh, angel... I'm gonna pamper you SO HARD when I get you home...") He's making surprisingly good progress, between the confusion he's sown in the ranks and the support of those members of his old platoon who elected to stay behind and keep an eye on him. The Metatron manages to exhort a very few of the really fanatical loyalists to try to stop Aziraphale by force, heavily outnumbered though they are. Not many of them get through to Aziraphale, and he manages to dodge them in such a way that they end up hitting each other -- until Sandalphon, by an unlucky fluke, manages to catch him hard on the face. There's a breathless moment of shocked silence, broken by Aziraphale wryly snarking about how sloppy and complacent Sandalphon's form has become since Sodom and Gomorrah. He takes advantage of the confusion this causes to disarm Sandalphon of his sword and neutralise him, then hesitates as if to turn and support the anti-Armageddon rebels he's convinced -- they urge him to get back to Earth and Crowley. He does so with considerable haste, meeting comparatively little resistance. (Cutaway to Crowley, looking more worried than ever as the Heavenly transmission cuts off.)

[My ideas form a four-way branch at this point; the commonalities are Aziraphale crash-landing somewhere with his wings broken and/or on fire, Crowley picking him up and doing loads of healing miracles, creating a scabbard for the sword that Aziraphale is clutching like grim death, wrapping him in blankets, carrying him to the Bentley and driving him back to Soho, all the while fretting over him.

--Version 1: Aziraphale falls past an airliner and lands somewhere isolated enough that a search-and-rescue team with helicopter support comes looking for him. Aziraphale is traumatised enough to be very twitchy about letting the paramedics (who, kind or no, are after all strangers) do anything to him until Crowley shows up; he flatly refuses transport to a hospital and (by some chain of events) ends up staying the night with Crowley in the guest bedroom of a nearby cottage that proves to belong to Madame Tracy and Shadwell.

--Version 2: Aziraphale lands in the sea a couple of miles off Beachy Head, with his wings on fire -- or in some other highly visible way that sets off an immediate flurry of calls to the Coastguard. Eastbourne RNLI are tasked to the rescue, and once the Deputy Launch Authority's gotten over the initial 'WTF?' reaction, they decide to launch the station's Tamar-class all-weather lifeboat to fish him out (reasoning that when rescuing a casualty with a 12-foot wingspan, it'd be sensible to have the larger, more stable vessel). Crowley roars up to the lifeboat station in the Bentley right as the Tamar is launched, pops his wings and flies off after the boat with a cry of, "AZIRAPHALE, YOU MAD BASTARD, WHERE ARE YOU???" He actually finds Aziraphale first, grabs his hand and holds on to him with grim determination, which makes things a lot easier for the RNLI crew -- a demon with huge and distinctive wings is a heck of a lot easier to spot than a football-sized lump on the surface of even slightly rolling seas. Plus, between physical and psychological fatigue, injuries and voluminous, waterlogged robes, Aziraphale probably wouldn't have been able to miracle himself afloat long enough for the lifeboat crew to get there. Thanks to Crowley, though, get there they do, and once the Ineffables are safely on board they turn back for the lifeboat station; Crowley fusses around Aziraphale, doing healing and drying miracles and getting in the way of crew trying to do casualty care, while the coxswain tries to figure out how to put all this into the post-rescue report. Back at the station, the crew check the Ineffables over again, feed them choccy biscuits and hot sweet tea, then see them on their way. (And there's a *very* interesting segment on Saving Lives At Sea a few months later!)

--Version 3a: Aziraphale lands in St James' Park and drags himself over to their bench without intervention from passers-by, who (if they notice him at all) assume he's doing some sort of performance art.

--Version 3b: Aziraphale lands in St James' Park and is immediately besieged by solicitous bystanders -- some genuinely want to help, but some others in the crowd are classic Nice Little Old Ladies who think they Know Best and everyone should do as they say because they go to church in fancy clothes every Sunday; they barge around being unhelpfully helpful and ignoring or steamrolling over Aziraphale's protests that he's fine and just needs to rest, until one of them grabs his broken wing, saying, "My grandson's an ornithologist, dear, I know what I'm doing," and twists it. Aziraphale screams in agony and Crowley, already approaching at speed, teleports over and verbally tears the little-old-lady brigade a new one, all hissy and snarly and protective.]

Regardless of branch, cut to Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death, where Nina is wrangling a gaggle of obnoxious influencer types out of the door, to cheers from the regular clientele. One of them comments jovially about how worrying it'd be if she ever lost her knack for that, which leads to a more general discussion about people acting out of character -- fading abruptly when Nina notices something outside and makes a grim comment about people who normally drive like absolute bloody maniacs suddenly acting like they're transporting fragile glass sculptures. Crowley's driving is notorious enough in Soho that everyone immediately rushes to the window to see the Bentley creeping gently into its spot outside the Bookshop. Crowley clambers out slowly, closes the driver's door quietly and moves around the car while Nina and the customers speculate about the fluffy white bundle they briefly glimpsed in the passenger seat. Their hypotheses are blown out of the water when Crowley straightens up, holding a sleepy Aziraphale in a bridal carry (wings, robes, sword and all), bumps the car door closed with his butt and carries his angel gently into the Bookshop, popping his wings for umbrella purposes when it starts raining.

In the Bookshop, Gabriel, Beelzebub and Muriel are almost more perturbed by Aziraphale's injured state than they were by the Heavenly transmission earlier. Without anything being spoken aloud, they help Crowley get him out of the Archangel robes and tucked up in bed. Crowley takes a certain savage glee in picking up the removed robes, chucking them out of the window and setting them on fire before removing boots, shades and blazer and snuggling next to his angel.

The next morning, Crowley drifts awake to find that Aziraphale has wriggled around significantly during the night and is now clinging to him big-spoon style, with all the tenacity of a particularly traumatised barnacle. Unwilling to deny his angel the comfort and closeness after the trauma of the past couple of months, he dozes and snuggles quietly, until the sound of the angelic deserters changing guard duty shifts reminds him that the Bookshop still isn't fully secure. Aziraphale has by this time woken up and is keenly aware of the same issue. He's determined to get the wards sorted immediately if not sooner; Crowley knows he's right that it needs doing, but is worried that he's pushing himself too hard, too soon. They bicker about it lightly while getting dressed -- a process slightly complicated by Aziraphale still feeling rather shaky and having considerable trouble pulling his wings back in. Crowley helps out with some small miracles, hands Aziraphale his walking stick from 1862 and does his bow tie. He takes a step back to bask in the warm fuzzies of seeing his angel looking like himself again; Aziraphale in turn gets very mushy about the exact finger his signet ring ended up on, enough to grab Crowley's lapels and pull him in for a quick smooch before they get to work.

Downstairs, Gabriel, Beelzebub and Muriel are worriedly discussing Aziraphale and the upcoming apocalypse, until the angel in question appears on the mezzanine, chiming in with some authoritative, reassuring statement. Between his outfit, demeanour and wings, he cuts a very impressive figure; the effect might have been undercut by an uncertain wobble as he starts to go down the stairs, but Crowley deftly draws attention away from that while going backwards down the staircase ahead of Aziraphale, reassuring him along the lines of, "I'll catch you if you fall." Once down, Aziraphale is businesslike in corralling Team Ineffable to help scrub out the summoning circle and prepare for the re-casting of the wards. When the time comes for him and Crowley to actually perform that particular miracle, though, he hesitates, remembering everything that happened as a result of the last joint miracle. Gabriel picks up on this and points out that this time around, there's absolutely no need to be clandestine -- and given that the super-subtle hiding miracle clocked a game-breaking 25 Lazarii, he personally is very interested to see what this one'll do. Buoyed up by this, the Ineffable Husbands set to the working with a will, creating a fairly epic lightshow!

Cut to Heaven, where the miracle detection system goes interestingly berserk and then explodes.

Cut back to the Bookshop, where Aziraphale is leaning slightly on Crowley and making his way to his comfy chair as all the angel-adrenaline of the past few days finally presents its bill.

Shenanigans happen! Team Ineffable and their human allies do awesome things! The Second Coming is a damp squib because so many angels and demons refuse to play along! The whole rotten house of cards gets torn down! Jesus nopes out of the whole mess and leaves the Ineffable Husbands with a means of contacting him, along with an offer to do their wedding catering pro bono! Mysteries are resolved in the most positive way possible! All the other weirdness is explained! The Ineffable Husbands talk about stuff! The Metatron is permanently banished to an inescapable plane where he can do nothing except tread barefoot on Lego and sharpened metal d4s for all eternity! Crowley gets to ask questions of God and Aziraphale gets to call Her out in detail for being so fuckin' awful, treating people as things, condoning so much cruelty in service of a never-explained Plan and calling it 'love'! She offers to marry them then and there, but they both refuse because that feels too much like an offer of Heaven's approval on Heaven's terms, not theirs! (and so on and so forth)

A few nights later, Aziraphale and Crowley head to the roof of the bookshop. Crowley fishes out a sheaf of notes and sketches which he's been working on for the past week or so, sets them floating and flirtatiously asks Aziraphale for an assist with the night's planned miracle. Aziraphale (knowing exactly what's needed because Crowley's been consulting with him closely regarding tonight's hijinks) sets a miraculous filter over London that cancels out all of the light pollution without messing with the working of the streetlights and so on. As the sky becomes a glorious Bortle class 1 panorama, he hugs Crowley from behind and they both pop their wings as Crowley calls down cosmic dust from one of his nebulae and gets to work on it, making a ring. Once done, he turns to Aziraphale and stutters and mumbles at length, forgetting his planned speech now that it comes time to give it. He eventually finds some sort of words and goes down on one knee, offering the ring. Aziraphale is happy-squeeing and wiggling so hard he can barely put his acceptance into coherent words, but Crowley finally puts the ring on his finger and they proceed to snog each other senseless. After about five or ten minutes, a cork whizzes past their heads, close enough to ruffle their hair, and they look over the parapet to see the Whickber Street Traders breaking out the champagne, evidently having figured out what was going on treating it as something worth celebrating.

The next day, #DameVeraLynn is trending and Berkeley Square is playing host to an impromptu convention of very confused bird-watchers and breathlessly excited BBC reporters. Because the Whickber Street Traders are taking the view that 'if the Bookshop's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'', so the Ineffable Fiances don't find out until mid afternoon, when Mr Arnold drops by with the ornithological gossip and a brochure of upcoming concerts at the Royal Albert Hall. Other engagement presents come in from the Whickber Street Traders over the next day or two -- tiramisu brownies from Mrs Sandwich (her special extra-boozy recipe) for example, and a stack of Steeleye Span records from Maggie (Cam Ye O'er Frae France [Gneil's favourite], Thomas the Rhymer, The Making of a Man [Pterry's favourites], Gaudete [super appropriate for GO in like 3 different ways], The Dark Morris Song [my favourite]), who thought Aziraphale might like them even if they're not his usual thing.

A few days later, Saraquel comes to the Bookshop having finally finished cleaning up in what's left of Heaven -- and immediately bounces off the restored wards. Trying not to be visibly intimidated by Aziraphale's obvious annoyance as he opens the doors, she requests entry, but he flatly denies her, icicles dripping from every phoneme. "You are directly complicit in the attempted or actual murder by ego-death of thousands of angels and two instances of attempted omnicide. You stole my memories and tried to squash me out of existence twice; don't you dare try to pretend you were being merciful there. You were perfectly happy to try to murder two of my neighbours who I consider valued friends. Your bridges are burned, Saraquel. You are not welcome here. Leave Earth of your own volition and never return, or Crowley and I will eject you by force." He takes Crowley's hand in preparation for a joint miracle, and Saraquel is alarmed enough to flee immediately (Michael and Dagon, lurking and observing in the background, wisely decide to bugger off to Betelgeuse rather than test the Ineffables' patience further). Aziraphale quietly closes the Bookshop doors and leans shakily on them and Crowley.

Cut to the Ineffable Wedding! It's a handfasting at Tadfield Manor, with the former Sister Mary Loquacious officiating. The occasion is very well-attended -- the Whickber Street Traders, Madame Tracy and Sergeant Shadwell, Anathema and Newt, the Them, the entirety of Aziraphale's old platoon (who adapt the tradition of forming a sabre arch for the newlyweds to walk under), Gabriel and Beelzebub are in attendance, with Muriel as Best Person. The catering is being ably handled by a cheerful guy who seems to produce amazing food and drink out of nowhere, the reception playlist is delightfully varied, and a good time is had by all! The Ineffables take a breather in the Bentley afterwards to let the fact that they did it properly sink in, then hold meaningful eye contact for about five seconds before smooching passionately and driving off to their honeymoon.

At a certain South Downs cottage, on an early summer evening -- there's a garden full of fruit and vegetables and herbs and spices and flowers. Aziraphale brings tea and cakes out to a neat little table on the patio as Crowley finishes intimidating the climbing roses on his mini-observatory and sashays over, pausing to pluck an apple from the tree. They share it as they appreciate their freedom to be truly together, as well as how far they've come since making that nebula...

[Pan up to sunset over picturesque landscape, roll credits]

***

Whoof, that was a bit of a marathon! As I said at the start, I doubt most if any of the events recounted above are going to happen in Season Three, but my brain does tend to run away and do its own thing! For what it's worth, what I think is *likely* to happen in S3 is a combination of elements of The Magic Trick You Didn't See (especially the burning-cinema-screen in the opening sequence as a pointer to memories/data files being corrupted and restored from backup) and @vidavalor's terrifyingly plausible and well-grounded hypothesis that Final-Fifteen!Metatron is actually Satan, Aziraphale has capital-F Fallen and is going to start S3 amnesiac and in Hell. (The Great Balls Of Fire meta dropped when I was partway through writing this post, and on that basis my brain has careened off in an entirely different direction XD) *meep* I guess we'll just have to exspecta videque!

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