#also just because i wrote this doesn't mean i feel very strongly about it

[semi-sketchy]

You know I said this on Twitter, but I think it bares repeating.

I think a lot of the arguments of the Sonic IDW comics lose nuance and frankly this recent debate about "there being too many OCs" is no different.

I don’t mind them adding OCs or even giving them some story focus, it’s just how they’re doing it that kinda bugs me. The great thing about Sonic being a static character is it more so focuses on how he influences others, (i.e. Tails, Amy, Blaze, Merlina, Chip, the list goes on) yet here it really feels like Sonic doesn’t matter. You could replace him with just about anyone and the OC’s journey wouldn’t change.

He’s essentially a background character in his own comic that features arcs revolving around the OCs rather than just including them. Surge is the obvious and most recent example. It is not every arc or issue, there are of course game character-centric storylines, although these OC driven ones have been cropping up more and more recently as they continuously expand the cast. There's a lack of balance between new and long-time characters.

These OCs are starting to feel like writer’s pets with how much they’re overshadowing the game cast rather than building from them, thus missing what makes a new Sonic character compelling. It’s not being Sonic’s new friend/rival that’s interesting; it’s seeing how he inspires them.

Many of these OCs that seemingly interact with Sonic and co. frequently don't appear to have that strong of a connection to them. Add that with their growing amount of story focus to establish the new characters, then yes, I agree there are too many OCs in the IDW comics.

There's also some arguments about how it's demeaning to call the characters introduced in IDW, OCs. OC stands for "original character" and these characters are original to the comics. OC is the proper term for them. It's only the stigma many people harbor towards specifically fan OCs that makes some perceive it as a negative term.

TL;DR: The conversation about the focus on OCs in the comics is missing the point when the issue more so lies with how they're being used and introduced. It rarely circles back around to the game cast, who the book is supposed to be about, leaving them with minimal ties to the series they supposedly belong to. Also OC is not an offensive term.

[7ndipity]

Fights with them

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: what they would be like during fights/arguments

Warnings: a lot of angst, not proofread

A/N: after days of struggling to work(hello executive disfunction) I got this request, and my brain decided to jump back into gear and I wrote this in like an hour, as well as half of another request!? 🤷idk, I'm not gonna question it, I'm just glad I'm writing again.

Masterlist

Requests are open

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Seokjin: as much as he bickers with the members, I think he has a rather avoidant personality when it comes to real conflict. He's said he allergic to seriousness, which can definitely become an issue if not careful, as it can one off as indifferent or dismissive. I think he usually ends up snapping and saying something short but pointed, and then walks away before things can escalate further. Always comes back all apologetic, and tries to work through things more calmly.

Yoongi: He's very upfront and sometimes blunt, and he's said before that he hates getting angry/fighting, so I think most issues would be resolved before they can turn into a full blown fight. But I also think he might have a tendency to ignore/avoid smaller issues until they build up. In the moment, he's not that loud, but he's very sharp with his words. Immediately regrets saying anything that might have hurt you afterwards. Definitely needs some time to himself to think and get his emotions under control, but would want to apologize and resolve everything as quickly as possible.

Hobi: He's almost to open too let a fight brew properly. He'll see it coming be like, "wait, let's step back and sort this out" before it gets out of hand. When they do happen though, he's loud only for a moment, and then the rest of the time, he's unnervingly quiet. As I said in his dating HCs, fights almost always culminate in tears because he can't stand y'all being upset with each other. Like, it causes him physical pain. Makes up the fastest out of all the members.

Namjoon: tbh, I think I would fight with him the most out of the members. He's soo stubborn and passive aggressive. Tries to dismiss the issue to de-escalate the situation, but that almost always backfires. Gets loud and slams things/doors, then gets mad at himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. Definitely needs time to cool off before coming back to talk to you; could be an hour, could be three days, depends on the situation. But he does always come back to talk it out with you.

Jimin: I know several of the big fight stories involve him, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's overly combative, I just think that when he feels strongly about something, he won't back down, which can be a good thing, until it isn't. If it's a smaller argument, he'll just say something snappish and then move on like nothing happened, but in bigger fights, he can rival Joon on volumeand intensity. He can also hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe, so communication is a super important part of resolving the issue so nothing brews into bitterness.

Taehyung: He has a tendency to get very wrapped up in the moment and take things personally, so even small fights can snowball into something bigger if you're not careful. Yells and tries to put up a tough exterior, but starts to crack pretty quick and will want to leave before his other emotions show too much. Another crier(same). Ultimately, can't stand being away from you for too long, the type that will climb in bed and hold you, but not speak because the wounds are still fresh. Will probably talk it out with you the next morning.

Jungkook: He's such a emotional and overly reactive person, so I see fights being a common occurrence with him tbh. With smaller fights, he stays pretty calm, but when things escalate, he's all over the place. Definitely an angry crier. For some reason, I don't see him really yelling during fights? He's more like Hobi in that, if he does, it only happens in bursts and the rest of the time, his tone is just slightly raised(like when he scolds ppl during lives). Does not like to walk away and wants to sort things out then and there, even though that's probably not the best idea, but he doesn't want to let the tension drag on longer than it has to.

[canmom]

assorted TTRPG things

nugget from the tab bonfire: at some point I was reading about RPGs. some things that are old, some are new(ish). here are some links, since I think they are interesting, and some additional comments.

first-up: my own RPG posts are now archived here. that section of my site is looking a whole lot more fleshed out now.

1. ritual

in 2021, Meguey Baker wrote this one about 'ritual in game design', fitting TTRPGs into her frame of faciliating rituals for essentially therapeutic purposes, aimed at parents. since I like talking in a vaguely (vaguely) anthropological way about the analogies between TTRPGs and other activities (improv comedy, kink, wrestling), this is very relevant.

by Meguey's definition, a ritual is defined through this series of words: intentional contained conscious creative action. of course, she gives these words fairly specialised definitions. she's mostly interested in addressing TTRPGs that go into tough, bleedy places, described in books like Alice Is Missing, BFF, and Bluebeard’s Bride - of these I'm only familiar with the third but I'm kind of aware of the genre of game she's talking about. she suggests that these principles don't really apply if you're just playing to hang out and have a good time, but to my mind, just because you're less formal about it doesn't mean that's not an aspect of ritual, and the analysis is similarly applicable there, just lower-stakes.

in fact I think a whole lot of human activities are rituals (classic bryn move to grab a conceptual hammer and start seeing nails everywhere). the analogy goes the other way too, rituals are kind of like games.

I'm not entirely convinced the breakdown into jargon words really does a lot for me, but the crucial thing here is the sort of entering and exiting into a constrained social space which has its special set of rules. meguey writes these cool little coloured lists which depict the various stages of getting you into a game/ritual headspace and exiting it afterwards...

...and specialises it to the case of roleplaying games as you see. it's pretty BDSM-like isn't it? sure, that's something I'm currently interested in, I recently read The New [Topping/Bottoming] Books, but it certainly does suggest that analogy strongly for me; I think a general recognition that RPGs should have aftercare would do a lot more for the scene than a lot of the other 'safety tools' like X-cards and so on. (a weaker analogy is the principles of animation: anticipation, action, follow-through.)

this idea of ritual also strongly parallels the definition of 'play' of roger callilois:

1. it is free, or not obligatory 2. it is separate from the routine of life, occupying its own time and space 3. it is uncertain, so that the results of play cannot be pre-determined and the player's initiative is involved 4. it is unproductive in that it creates no wealth, and ends as it begins economically speaking 5. it is governed by rules that suspend ordinary laws and behaviours and that must be followed by players 6. it involves make-believe that may be set against 'real life'.[6]: 100–101 

as a set of traits which describe a somewhat fuzzy sphere of activity. meguey's account of 'ritual' focuses more on the set of steps you follow to enter and leave the ritual space, but it is describing, I think, a heavily overlapping 'thing'.

why so explicitly break down a process that most people seem to come by naturally? well, probably for the same reason that kink people do it: the more you play with [emotional] fire, the more care you must exercise to keep it contained. but it is also pretty important, I think, to pursue some degree of ritual for the middle part to actually work. you need to switch mental gears first to get yourself operating in 'game space'. same goes for a number of other 'spaces' for that matter. in RPGs we already have plenty of rituals: getting set up around the table (for offline games), general chitchat beforehand to get us feeling social with the other players, the brief summary of the previous session to mark the transition into RPG mode...

one non-obvious extension that Meguey makes, in the third excerpt above is to the actual text of RPG books, in terms of how they are presented to the reader. I think this is genuinely quite an insight - when you read a book you get into RPG space a bit and imagine playing the game, building up the fantasy of what playing it will entail (c.f. what's the book for, part 3).

though, that said - it is tricky to pursue a strict ritual structure in presentation, I think, because I think RPG books tend to be read very non-linearly. only quite short games tend to get read cover-to-cover in one sitting. otherwise you tend to skip to the part that you need. still: the manner of presentation is very important to an RPG book serving its purposes. and this is a fascinating frame for it.

I'm not sure this essay necessarily gives a new direction (as a designer or a player), but it does give an interesting angle to understand things I was already doing previously, and do them a little more deliberately.

for example, when I make a point of mentioning moments that I enjoyed in the time after an RPG session before we all part ways, that is the 'return/celebration' part of the ritual, and crucially it reassures everyone that even if they were playing an unpleasant character or there was inter-character conflict in the session, it was something I was looking for and appreciated. I do this because there have been times when I've felt a bad kind of bleed, fearing that my character was 'too much' and was detracting from the session, or that a conflict in-character reflected an OOC conflict. having an explicit affirmation helps drive away those fears.

2. rule zero in D&D

this history of 'rule zero' in D&D editions dates all the way back to 2012 (although it seems to have been updated since), but it's still very relevant to my current efforts to understand RPGs, books, and all the weird practices around them, the role of 'rulings' in OSR, etc etc.

right off the bat, I appreciate the nuances that this early paragraph expresses:

The attitude towards rulings vs. rules in the game shows up  - directly and explicitly in the rules text - implicitly in the text and detectable via textual analysis  - in the surrounding publications considered semi-canonical (Dragon magazine, nowadays forums and designer blogs), and  - the culture of gamers surrounding it.

while the rest of the post is still focused on what books say rather than what people did with those books, it's a relief when people note that there is a difference.

so, the essay traces a general evolution of ideas about what role the rules in the book are supposed to follow as D&D moved away from wargaming and passed through the hands of different publishers. how much interpolation and discretion the DM is supposed to apply to the text, how authoritative they're supposed to be at their own table compared to the non-DM players...

it's fascinating to observe how the culture of the game evolved. it's also tricky to distil the different currents down into a brief summary - I tried and realised I was just recapping the article in less detail. luckily the author wrote a summary so I can just quote that:

0e – the referee is an aribiter and fills in the gaps 1e – the DM is large and in charge, the rules are pretty good, your players are at both’s behest B/X and 2e – the DM and players are both important, the rules are super mutable 3e/early 3.5e – the rules and players and DM are leveled out in importance, meaning rulings are minimized and a negotiation with players BECMI/late 3.5e/4e – the rules are pretty fixed and players and DM are equal and subject to the rules as law; RAW is an option OSR and Pathfinder – splitting off in their own directions in reaction to 4e, OSR back to a mix of 0e and B/X flavored attitudes and Pathfinder to a hybrid of 1e/2e/3e attitudes 5e – The DM is clearly in charge and can ignore/change rules and rolls as they deem wise, with the goal of everyone having fun (as opposed to the sometimes-stated 1e goal of “keeping the players in their place”.) It reincorporated a lot of the 1e and 2e thinking into the game to an even greater degree than Pathfinder. PF2e – Effectively back to 3e positioning fairly exactly. It stepped back away from where PF1e and 5e were going and got a little less enthusiastic about GM authority, carefully scoping it to interpretation and, sometimes, changes to make things fun. Maybe a *little* more towards 5e than 3e was, but only by a hair.

anyway, there are a couple of interesting points I want to pull out of the discussion. first is this insightful comment on the broader implications of rules that grant abilities - something to discuss further in a later post...

The problem with [D&D 3.5e's claim that you can try anything and the rules only govern chances of success] from a textual interpretation standpoint is that it’s hard to not interpret the raft of “possibility” options in the 3e branch of D&D as being restriction of options. I can try to throw my opponent in a grapple – until a feat comes out that says “In a grapple, you can now throw your opponent.” Thus despite mitigating statements by the designers, their design itself passively promulgates an approach to the rules as written.

there's also an interesting line about how 'old school' the OSR actually is, answer being that it's complicated.

Some, however, consider this to be a bit of a retcon of how old school gaming actually worked. As you can see from this research, it is and it isn’t – the “rulings vs. rules” concept was very strong especially in B/X and 2e, somewhat less so in 0e/1e, and actively militated against in BECMI. Hackmaster and the Knights of the Dinner Table comic prominently parody the not uncommon rules-adherence mode of play in AD&D. As all nostalgia does, the Quick Primer picks certain elements out of the past to bring back and leaves aside some other elements.

finally, we have this comment about the (then very new) 5th edition approach to framing its rules:

It also appears to take a hint from the OSR’s formulation of “rulings, not rules” as well as the prominent fiction-first modern indie games like Apocalypse World when it describes the basic pattern of play – 1. The DM describes the environment 2. The players describe what they want to do (and the DM decides how to resolve those actions – importantly, the PCs don’t decide what rules they use) 3. The DM narrates the results

...which is somewhat true to my experience of 5e, although I think there is still a fairly significant component of 'I use this ability on my character sheet' in the game (I use this weapon, I cast this spell, I use this special ability). So the players do often decide what rules they want to invoke. Although, that is also true of Apocalypse World - something to go into another day.

mostly I think it's really helpful to have a proper sense of the space of practices represented by D&D, since popular discourse (including the game's rulebooks) way too often seems to assume there is only one way that D&D is played. this is a good stab at exploring some of the dimensions, and will definitely inform whatever is the next investigation I make into the structure of RPGs.

for another angle on D&D history, I came across this old (2016) ENWorld post tracing how Gygax got increasingly proprietary and litigious with D&D, and hostile to people putting their own spins on it.

it seems like for more on this topic of early RPG history I should be taking a look at The Elusive Shift by John Peterson, so posssibly more to come on this subject when I get round to reading that one.

3. blorb

I came across Sandra Snan's website, idiomdrottning.org, which is another one of those classic static-site treasure troves of someone's thoughts on everything for like the last decade.

like me, she came back to playing trad games like D&D after spending a while exploring the storygames milieu. She landed on a set of practices relating to the concreteness of the setting, in explicit opposition to 'no myth'-style games where anything not stated out loud is fair game to be modified for the sake of narrative.

she calls this 'blorb', and as these things tend to, it gets something like a manifesto. many other articles on this site talk about various facets of roleplaying games are written about on the site in relation to this.

'blorb' focuses on the relationship between preparation and improvisation: making a big show of referring to things on paper, and making decisions in the open, to reinforce the sort of metanarrative that there is an underlying reality even if it hasn't fully been discovered yet. it emphasises more granular simulation over abstraction.

since it's a little hard to navigate Sandra's archives, I've gathered the posts that are relevant to the subject here:

the chasm width problem (motivating, raising the issue that few games explicitly address the how of DMing)

blorb principles

realism and blorb (which discusses the other name 'klokkverk' used elsewhere in the milieu, and compares it to 'no myth') + the fictioneers talk about blorb again

radically transparent DM-ing

say the DC

antiblorb

GM-less roleplaying games

a blorb thought

the quest queue

there's probably others but these are the main ones I read

for contrast, no myth, a somewhat overlapping and somewhat very different paradigm of games that broadly sums up the norms of the Forge/'story games' tradition.

to sandra, 'blorb' is a statement of the type of roleplaying she finds vastly more satisfying to operate, and the crucial elements to make that happen.

what I find interesting about blorb is that, since its main interlocutor is the Forge/story-games tradition, it puts a fair bit of discussion into how this affects the fiction in practice. e.g. what you should prepare and what you can still improvise, and how the existence of the 'gloracle' (the combination of prepped materials and dice/rules, and rigour in consulting them) shapes our notion of 'the fiction'.

via this post, vincent baker back in 2012 defined RPGs thus:

To me, the crucial feature that makes a game an RPG is that it works by the (so-called) lumpley primple: in order to play, we have to create fictional stuff and agree that, for gameplay purposes, it's true. This is a pretty technical and inclusive definition. It includes Once Upon a Time and that game where you sit in a circle and pretend that some of you are werewolves, for instance.

something I find very interesting RPGs is the process of 'synchronisation' of the shared fiction. the idea of 'shared fiction' is something of an elaborate illusion. every player has a different version of it, with different emphases, different things that are fresh in memory, different interpretations of the images...

consider verbal descriptions of locations. my sense of what is in a scene will constantly be adjusted based on the stream of description I'm receiving from other players - the 'shared fiction' is at best something we approach asymptotically.

in an extreme example, a DM could lead with an elaborate description of the architecture, decorations, and layout of the room, before wrapping up with 'and curled around the central pillar is a mighty red dragon'. dun dun dun! suddenly, I have to recontextualise everything in the scene I was building in my head to accomodate the presence of the dragon.

the unreliability of this communications channel was a source for a vein of classic D&D humour, such as the Dread Gazebo of yore, where the communication channel breaks down leading to an inconsistency in the 'shared' fiction.

'no myth' and similar ideas come from the recognition that, until something is said out loud and enters part of the shared fiction, it can be changed freely between any possibility consistent with the 'established' facts. sort of like the wave function collapse algorithm. they take the attitude that you should do this deliberately to maximise drama and add complications, taking on more of a writer/director role. this character enters a bar, what should they encounter there? it would be fucked up if they encountered their ex, right? ergo their ex is there.

there is a degree of this in every RPG, not just your high-improv post-Forge story games. in order for some sort of consensus to be reached, parts of it must be black-boxed and unpredictable. for example, if I am inhabiting a character, I have my idea of how they will act and what they're feeling and thinking about, and that's authoritative. but that means for everyone else's characters, I have my impressions and predictions, but they're subject to being updated as soon as that player speaks.

for Sandra, this recognition that everything is getting moved around for drama undermines the substance of the world - an inescapable awareness even if the players take pains to make the established, spoken-out-loud fiction consistent.

so, additional 'authority' is central to the 'blorb' playstyle. that is, in addition to each player's authority to make up stuff within their domain (e.g. what their character does), you make a big point of deferring to some additional authorities such as pre-prepped material and dice (which Sandra calls the 'gloracle'), and making it explicit to the players that you're doing so. for example, you might talk about the random encounter tables you're using and what would change their contents, or declare the DC before every roll.

it's kind of a defensive style of DMing, in that it's entirely designed to forestall any suspicion of 'fudging' behind the scenes. the tradeoff is: more explicit discussion of game mechanics which might detract from the sort of 'atmosphere', but equally a stronger sense of inhabiting an external world where things are 'really' happening 'offscreen'.

to me, the idea of 'fudging' doesn't bother me nearly as much as it seems to bother Sandra, but I think there is some truth to the thought that if everything is subject to random tables or pure off-the-dome improv, the game can start to feel a very homogeneous. as Sandra puts it in one of her articles:

I don’t want to expand randomly as we go either, because if everything is randomly rolled as you go along, where’s the agency? South becomes the same as north becomes the same as west because wherever you go, the dice are furnishing for you, so the choice about where to go matters less.

it's probably got something to do with information theory, right? once you become familiar with the table, and you know when the table will be invoked, you've broadly found out what there is to know about that thing. there are only so many bits of information.

I was saying the other day, games are interesting because they are something to explore through interacting with them to discover all their weird nuances. players are pretty good at sniffing out how complex and varied the underlying system is. a wide set of interesting, spicy locations - and logical relations between them - has more nuances to discover than a random table with, say, 10 entries.

the problem is of course that such a prep-focused playstyle can lead to huge amounts of 'wasted' effort fleshing out elements of the gloracle which may never be activated, especially if players don't spend their time rubbing against your creation in various ways to discover its nuances. Sandra's approach is to work out what's easy to improvise on the fly (the 'wallpaper') and what is crucial to pin down in advance, and largely prepare the latter - the difference, I guess, coming down to experience. we can think of it in programming terms: a small authoritative state and things that can be derived from that.

in my experience, at least some players have become a lot more considerate of the workload of GMing. far from trying to resist 'railroading', they will often generally deliberately try to steer themselves towards whatever location a DM has prepared as a courtesy; meanwhile the GM will be able to get a sense of where the players are planning to go so they can prep between sessions. however, that is contrary to the more 'sandboxy' approach where the core appeal is 'you can do pretty much anything', which is what Sandra is trying to generate I think.

I'm too much of an improv-focused GM to really become a partisan of 'blorb' - for me, discovering improv-oriented story games after D&D was as revelatory as discovering D&D after storygames was for Sandra lol. I trust somewhat in my ability to come up with weird interesting stuff on the fly and flesh it out later, and I tend to find the moment of being in the hotseat of an RPG gets the creative juices flowing like nothing else, so it's actually quite difficult to come up with anything good during prep.

however, I think there is a lot to be said for the value of making at least certain things concrete, and communicating that to the players, and Sandra makes a good case for showing your hand. it's a way to make the shared fantasy take on certain qualities it won't have if it remains purely arbitrary improv, even if the only real functional difference is when you make something up. both because it's hard to keep track of everything in your head without some kind of aid, and because the first idea you come up with will rarely be the richest, most interesting.

so next time i run a game, I'm not going to take such a zero-prep, all-improv approach, but try and work a bit harder on 'overall consistency'.

definitely a provocative blog to encounter...

[olivereliocorcordium1983]

This is one of the best interviews that I have seen since this whole thing started. Armie was very open, extremely transparent about everything from the text messages to bdsm in general which I applaud him for. He exposed the truth, he was very honest about what happened and I love that about this.

He now talking about all of this and he continues to own up to his behavior and all that is incredible to me. Because there are not many people who can or do own up to their own shit and are able to look in the mirror and is like "Okay, I did some really shitty things and I need to change it in order to not only help myself but to help myself grow into a better person."

I love the fact that he was able to come out and prove basically what most of the fandom if not all was saying to begin with. I can see the growth that has happen to him during all the craziness and that he is able to finally be okay with himself.

Through time and patience of course i strongly believe that with everything he will bounce back into movies. That is if he so chooses to do so, which I hope he does i do miss watching him. But if he doesn't and decides that he wants to do something else entirely then I am completely content as a fan of his for that also.

What I also love is the call me by your name references that he does twice. But the biggest one would have to be this quote.

Heraclitus: 'No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.'

I mean come on Armie! you say you don't remember who said it. But you remember. Just like Timmy you remember everything too. Speaking of which when he spoke about friends, about before he was famous then after getting famous and people leaving ect.

I would very much like to think that him and Tim are still close to each other. If not closer now since all of this happened and the aftermath. I mean yeah, I wrote a fanfic about that sure, but the fantasy doesn't really measure up to the reality of it.

Please continue to grow and changing Armie you are going in the right direction. I feel it you are going to continue to do great things and sooner or later when the world is ready.

Dude you will shine again. I know it.

[cotl-flower-crown]

My experience with Fang

My story in all of this is not that important, it's mostly just a petty drama between me and Fang. Please aim your support towards @catatombi and others mentioned in the original doc in their post: https://www.tumblr.com/catatombi/756286505510666240?source=share

I suppose since I'm somewhat involved in this and the other side seems to misinterpret my issue with fang, I feel compelled to explain myself. It might be a bit jumbled up, because I'm writing this in the middle of the night and I'm a bit sleepy.

cw: mentions of self harm and suicide

So me and Fanged met in a discord server that we were both in for a while. We and a few other wonderful individuals were hanging out, loving each other's art, talking and other stuff. We weren't exactly close, but we enjoyed each other's company.

One day I decided to share a story I wrote for my beloved Red District au (aka Gang au) which included an abuse scene between Grinder and Lambert. I have represented the two before as them having at least a sexual relationship (to be honest I do not remember if I ever depicted them as specifically romantic, I may have, but I cannot tell) and at the time I was toying with the idea of dipping into the dark side of the pairing. I was not trying to make it look like it was an romantic act (which that's what romanticizing means by the way), it was a scene straight up from a thriller. I left appropriate content warnings above the story. Fang saw them and read the story knowing that it would make him upset, he told us as much (sadly I do not have the screenshot to prove it, I don't know if that server still exists tbh). I felt really bad for him afterwards and it made me question myself. He later on appeared in my pms and from my perspective insinuated that I romanticize abuse, which I do not believe I did. The pms in question: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1zYN84ZT1xIAsxrQ8WvdwSlwUviT7InoB I admit it's not the best look to draw nsfw art of an abusive couple, though I would like to make it clear, the dive into the dark side begun after I was already made those drawings, I did not made them with the potential abuse in mind. With the story, I was just experimenting with how realistic can this relationship become. The au had barely any debt at the time and I wanted to make something deep. I was never really given an opportunity to elaborate on that. At the moment of the pms, I was scared for Fang, because he reacted very strongly to that story and I was worried for him and ended up backing out completely from the direction I wanted to take. Him telling me that he had 4 panic attacks over my story didn't help in the slightest. It just made me want to agree with him more, so he would feel more comfortable. I don't want to hang this over his head, because in the end it was my decision to change things in my au to fit his preferences. It could be a lot darker than what I have now, but what I have now is also good, you know. However, I'm not sure how else to describe it, but I wish I was told at the moment "hey, it's ok, you don't have to feel compelled to change YOUR story to fit MY preferences, because it's not my story, it's yours and if I'm not comfortable with this, then I shouldn't get involved". But he didn't, instead he encouraged me to keep it "clean", because he thinks that Grinder is hot and therefore he can't be an abuser apparently (sarcasm). So... whoops. It's not something that breaks a friendship tbh. I just want to let everyone know that I wasn't romanticizing abuse, because Fang's friend in their responce insinuate that I do. I don't. It was Fang who implied it. I don't romanticize abuse, I don't condone it, I despise it. But at the same time I'm not gonna say that abuse doesn't have the highs that make the victim stay by his abuser. It can be about money, it can be about security, it can be about sex and romance too. Back then for Lambert it was for all of those reasons. It was because when there were no bad days, there were the good days, great days even. Days that would make him question his own sanity, make him think that "this isn't so bad" before reality hit him in the face with a crash. Sometimes I wish I could tell that story instead of the misunderstood cat boy and a wolf in sheep's clothing. The thing is that I wasn't doing anything wrong and Fang made me think I did. I guess it happens sometimes and I don't really hate him for it, tho I wish he didn't pm me that night. I hope he gets help he desperately needs and avoids the spaces that make him uncomfortable if he can.

What really broke off out friendship was the situation on Itaku. I was following him there because I thought of him as a friend and he makes lovely artwork. I knew that he made gore artwort, but I don't hate gore, so the fact that he was drawing it in general wasn't an issue. One day I scroll through the feed and BOOM, a graphic piece "assaults" my eyes. Made me squirm a little. Very well made artwork, but fuck, I sure wish I could consent to that view. There was very clearly no content warning, because if there was, I would be allowed to make a choice on whether or not I want to see gore. So I leave him a friendly comment, something like "Nice artwork, wish there was a content warning tho" and I thought that would be it. But instead it turned into a debate that ended with him blocking me on Itaku. The debate in question can be read here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1z0rC4gxUOzfI_qUu9BRcThOufc_uF9np I was confused and angry when I learned about it, because I ended the discussion with "agreeing to disagree" and yet he still blocked me. And admittedly in the petty glory I decided to block him back on all my social medias. I wanted to unblock him the next day, once my emotions cool down, and propose a compromise. Anyway, I log on to see that Fang left me a message in the one place I forgot to block him at that left a poor taste in my mouth and made me think "this man is full of shit and I don't want to deal with him". He tried to love-bomb me at first, specifically mentions that he wants to be unblocked on my nsfw account, doesn't really mention the other places, really showing where his priorities lay. Then he tries to excuse himself, saying that the PSA he made wasn't about me, but it appeared directly after our debate, how am I supposed to not take that as vague posting? So that was the first lie. He then mentions my art again, saying that he's gonna miss it, not me, a friend, tho I guess, I feel very valued by that, thanks (sarcasm). He makes excuses again, he "warns" me that there are a lot of medias does the same thing he does, including cotl itself, which isn't true, because most do actually have content warnings these days, including cotl. Besides, semi-realistic gore and cartoony gore don't exactly hit the same way. So that's another attempt to deflect. He then talks about how he doesn't know what he did wrong, which I straight up just don't believe him. I didn't know about the vents yet, but most of the conclusions could be deduced from the discussion itself.

Refearing to the vent posts now (they're in the link above) I never told him to censor his art. Itaku has an option to put a content warning, which basically covers up the piece with "warning" written on top and the reasons that the author can add manually. Clearly the tags are not enough, so why not use that? The only reason why Fang wouldn't want to use that tool that he was given, is that it would most likely lower his views. The line "I'm not going to de-boost my content" confirms it. I did not want to block the whole gore tag because I don't hate gore, it doesn't give me PTSD or anything, and it can be cool and beautiful when done right. Gore tag includes a lot of variety and blocking it ALL would feel like a waste. But also if your art makes me - someone who can take the blood and guts pretty well - imagine some random person, who cannot take the gore and has no idea about blocking the tags, stumbling onto your art and being met with an image of a bloody spinal cord. If there is a tool that allows you to warn your viewers that "hey, this one is a bit graphic", if I click on it anyway, that's on me. It's my choice to view it and I can't blame Fang for it. Fang, by refusing to put up a content warning, strips me and other viewers of that choice. A tag is not gonna fix it. I'm sure that those who wanted to follow Fanged for his other artwort, would appreciate the content warning as well. I said as much in the comments. Looking at it from the other side, remember that story I wrote about earlier? What if I decided not to put up content warnings? Bet Fang wouldn't be very happy about it either. So it's fine for ME to get disturbed without my consent, but when it's Fang that sees something graphic by his own volition, then he's allowed to be upset and come to me with a critique? But when I do it, then I get hit with a block? Very classy. The killjoy thing is so stupid, self-depricating humor is a thing and I was aware that my comment might be taken as less than fun, so I was trying to make a joke about it, to break the tension. It wasn't supposed to be hostile in any way. He complains that I don't appreciate him bringing his panic attacks into the discussion which are not related to the topic. If that's not guilt-tripping then what is it? Also the tweet does confirm that he blocked me because he got mad about it. So yeah, sure, PSA not being about me, my ass.

What I took from all this is that Fang wants everyone to respect his boundaries, but he's not gonna respect boundaries of others for his own gains and he will try to deflect blame, because he can't handle criticism. I don't need that toxicity in my life, so I just kept him blocked. One would assume that's what he would want as well, since he blocked me first. The nerve taken to try and wiggle his way into my graces for my nsfw doodles baffles me. I didn't hate him though, not being able to take criticism is not really an evil quality. But I tried to get through to him in the most polite way I could manage and he didn't take it. If that's too much then I can't do better unless I say "You're right and I'm wrong". If I can't express my true thoughts without him taking it as a threat to his safe space, then I'm not going to sacrifice mine for him.

And that was it for me for a while. I wasn't going to talk about this situation at all, unless asked, and people did ask. Because guess what, Fang can say all he wants about how his vent account is private, but that's bullshit. If people can see it, then it's not REALLY private. If you want to have a private space to vent, get yourself a diary. The internet is not a private space, no matter how private you try to make it. But yeah, I learned that Fang was talking shit about me, which was funny at first, until a few months later I learned from Cata about what he did to them and the others. I learned that I was one of the people he cut himself for. He cut himself. Because of this. I can be snarky and passive aggressive all around through this post, but I cannot laugh this off. This is not healthy. This isn't something to laugh about or ignore. It's not about me, it's about what Cata and the others had to go through. Learning about the self harming thing didn't feel good at all and I can only imagine how they felt through out his abuse.

Even now I don't want to hate him. That's not to say that I don't think he's not dangerous. If you've read Catatombi's call out, you know about the suicide pacts, pushing boundaries and just hurting people around him in general. He's definitelly a danger to himself as well as the people he surrounds himself with. But even then, I can get mad and sad about it, but I can't really hate him. This callout is not to hate on him, but warn others against his destructive behavior. In the end what he really needs is to get off the internet, get proffessional help and touch grass. I'm not sure whether or not Fang is actually taking steps to take care of his issues, I really do hope that he does and I cheer him on for it, even if we can't be friends anymore.

And for those who ended up being his victims, even if it wasn't intentional, I hope they can find their peace as well. That is all I really want in the end.

Now excuse me, it's almost 5 am and I need sleep. Goodnight.

[loveislarryislove]

FTH info and signup post here - deadline is Sunday, February 2nd!

Nervous about submitting a FTH auction?

I've been there! Writing for someone else is scary -- especially when you have no idea what you're going to be asked to write. When I signed up last year, I wondered if I was taking on too much (and indeed I did leave things to the last minute -- but I got it in just under the wire!). Once I took the leap, though I had a ton of fun, and loved the fic I wrote -- as well as the fics that were created for my bids!

Here are a few things that helped me to feel a little more confident about giving signing up a shot.

You can offer something on the smaller end! The form is incredibly customizable in many ways, including the size of what you offer. Fics that are "less than 5k words" and "5-10k words" are offered categories that are a little more bite-sized. A lot can still be accomplished in a short story :) Similarly, you can limit the scope of a drawing, the length of a podfic, or the amount of beta read-ing you feel able to offer. Or if you're interested in making a larger piece, but want to ensure a higher contribution for that effort, there's also a "dependent on donation amount" option -- or you can set a higher starting bid.

You don't have to do a fic! While fics are the largest proportion of auction offers, around a third of auctions (this year and in past years) have been for other things! There are many different categories you can submit in, from fanart to fan labor to physical crafts and beyond -- the only limit is your imagination. Here's a post with some more suggestions of different categories you could offer.

You have all year to finish! The deadline for completion isn't until December 31st, so you have about 9 months to settle on a prompt, flesh it out, and get it made. As we established above, I waited until the very end of the year to actually finish my fic, because deadlines aren't real until they're here. But what I didn't mention is that I wasn't alone -- in fact, of the over 700 fics posted to the FTH 2024 AO3 collection, more than 300 were posted after December 1st! Take your time, there's no hurry.

You can say no to prompts you aren't comfortable with. Even though this is a work you're making for someone else, that doesn't mean you have to make whatever they want. If you don't like writing a particular character, don't. If you aren't comfortable making NSFW content, don't. The auction signup lets you pre-state some of your likes and dislikes, to help give bidders a sense of what you're about and what they can expect, but even once they've won the auction, it's still totally fine to talk through ideas, suggest tweaks to their prompt, or gently turn down ideas that you really don't vibe with. It's helpful to be a bit open-minded and try to work with your bidders ideas and interests, but your feelings also still matter -- and after all, if you're enjoying the prompt, that will probably translate to a piece your bidder enjoys more!

If there are other things you're wondering or have questions about, I strongly recommend looking into the Fandom Trumps Hate FAQ -- it's super comprehensive and thorough -- and they also have a great overview of the signup form to give you a sense of what questions you'll need to answer and how adjustable your auction is to your specific wants and needs.

And if you still aren't sure if signing up is for you -- that's okay! The FTH mods (and me, and many other people) support you taking care of yourself and recognizing your own needs and capacities. You've gotta put on your own oxygen mask first, after all. And there are lots of other ways to support this event, if you feel one of those is more accessible for you.

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[charcubed]

Disneyland's Rogers: The Musical, propaganda that turns Steve Rogers into more myth than man, and revisionist history (possibly) to a purpose

Any of my thoughts in this post could just be me reading too far into things. I'm very aware of that, and please know that this post exists just because this sort of thing is fun for me! This is a thought exercise where we propose "What if we live in a world where the MCU is actually doing a cool and interesting thing as a longcon?" If you have anger at Marvel, that's valid and relatable, but please don't get angry at me or imply I'm an MCU stan who doesn't think critically about the mouse. Thanks!

Breaking news: I'm back on my bullshit!

A quick personal recap: I infamously hated Avengers: Endgame for a long list of reasons (and I even rewrote the movie). One of those reasons is that I've always taken issue with Steve's ending. But in the years since then, and as the MCU's phase 4 has evolved, my frustration at Steve's "ending" has turned into an ongoing and legitimate theory that the MCU could be slowly leading into a loosely adapted Secret Empire plot line. I know we've all been joking about Steve being trapped or about an imposter Steve since 2019, but uhhh, it's kind of not a joke to me anymore? It feels weirdly plausible at this point and so I enjoy discussing the potential.

You can find a full elaboration on that here, where I wrote out my "Steve was snatched by HYDRA" theory in 2021.

In that post, one of the things I mentioned at the time was Rogers: The Musical being in the Hawkeye trailer.

[The musical's] very existence is an example of how in-universe the stories of the lives of the heroes are being commodified, especially (in terms of how they’re framing it) for Steve’s. The heroes are no longer seen as people, if they ever were. They are, as Kate Bishop says to Clint in a recently released clip, more about “branding.” Sam Wilson will be redefining the shield moving forward in a Cap context, but simultaneously, the world is still enamored by Steve Rogers as a symbol in his own right. And that is ripe for manipulation as a Trojan horse to control public opinion… whether in the context of things like this by themselves (is the musical portraying Steve accurately, or is it painting an inaccurate picture of him the world accepts as fact?) or in future (is this propaganda that makes the public see Steve a certain way and continue to love him, to set up a fake or brainwashed Steve coming on the scene later?).

Now a form of the musical exists in full, at Disneyland and all over Youtube. Considering some of its baffling content – which I will break down below – this perspective seems even more strongly worth considering.

I have two main reasons for why I'm defending examining this musical so closely:

1. It is (arguably) an in-universe piece of media that has bearing on the MCU canon. It isn't like any other typical Disneyland attraction; its very existence is meta and it was in canon first. Obviously it's seen in Hawkeye, but there are also posters for it in several different phase 4 properties. It's lurking in the background indefinitely. So what can this musical tell us about what the wider public within the MCU is being told about the life story of Steve Rogers?

2. This Secret Empire graphic – which is animated in the center of the stage of a prolonged period of time – feels like a literal sign to pay attention.

Granted, this is obviously still ancillary material. 99% of the MCU audience will never see this musical, whether in person or on YouTube. But just because it isn't a vital piece doesn't mean it's automatically an entirely irrelevant piece.

They've given me an inch with that sign and I'm taking a mile.

So if you're interested, please join me on this journey :)

For the record, let me just say that I salute the creative team behind this show. It's pretty fun and the songs are catchy, the sets and costuming are cool, and the cast is overall very talented.

It's also fucking maddening. LMAO.

Why? Firstly, because of the seemingly deliberate ahistorical inaccuracies. We all know Ant-Man is wrongly shown in the Battle of New York, which originally "came from [the Hawkeye showrunner] and Marvel, as something to further aggravate Hawkeye as he watched the show, and also as a comment on how movies and articles and people always get something wrong." It seems like they expanded those meta nods, but most inaccuracies are now in service of glorifying Steve and Peggy's "love story." Yes, romance objectively makes for good theater; but again, I feel that this is worth examining considering the full context.

And secondly, Steve's ending is framed as an offer presented to him, convincing him it's the happy ending he deserves because he's tired. In my mind, these two big elements go together, and I'll walk you through the details of what happens in the musical before I tie the thought threads back around into some theorizing.

For your reference, here's a list of the main songs and story beats:

• "U-S-Opening Night" - the Starkettes (who are basically a Greek chorus) frame the show's story, and then it turns into an ensemble that loosely takes place at the Stark Expo. • "I Want You" – Steve's "I want" song about trying to enlist in the army. • "Star-Spangled Man With A Plan" – Steve performing on the USO tour obviously, and then there's a reprise with an added voiceover that (very briefly) covers the Howling Commandos' rescue + the war via comic book imagery. • "What You Missed" – Fury and the Starkettes tell Steve some pop culture things he missed while he was frozen, + they tell him about the Avengers. Then Fury goes down a list of other hero characters, including the Guardians? Doctor Strange? Wanda?? It plays loose and fast with time, because many non-2012 characters are bafflingly mentioned in this nonlinear Avengers list – including the Winter Soldier (???). • "Save the City" – this is the song seen in Hawkeye, with the civilians + the Avengers all involved, but it's slightly different here and expanded to also reference other battles. • "End of the Line" – Old Steve presents main Steve with the time stone as an opportunity for his happy ending, and they reflect on things together. (Yes, this is insane.) • "Just One Dance" – Steve and Peggy reunite and sing about their love. • And then there's basically a reprise of "Save the City," with the Starkettes and the whole cast closing the finale out.

Right out of the gate, let's address this: the main reason you're going to see some fans pissed about this musical is not only that Steve and Peggy's ~epic romance~ is made a pillar of the story... but also that Bucky's importance/involvement in Steve's life is minimized as much as possible.

And they took Bucky-related elements from canon and made them center more around Peggy instead.

• For some weird reason, Peggy is in the Stark Expo scene. When a soldier is hitting on the Starkettes ("hey sweetheart, I wanna dance!"), Steve tells the soldier to show the ladies some respect. The soldier grabs Steve and throws him down, and then Peggy swoops in to yell "Pick on someone your own size!" and punches the guy before walking away. So she's given Bucky's TFA line verbatim, and she is given the role he had of saving Steve from bullies. There is blatantly no reason they couldn't have had Bucky still serve that function and be truer to "history," because he briefly enters this scene in uniform less than a minute later to announce he's shipping out to the 107th – and then he spins off with a date on his arm. (We don't see Bucky on stage again until the full cast comes out for the finale!)

• After the Star-Spangled Man show, Peggy rushes in to talk to Steve. Steve is excited about his USO performance (???) but she urgently tells him to listen as she says that the 107th has been captured. Peggy apparently knows it's Bucky's division, and she knows Steve is going to go, so she tells him that she's already arranged transport for him. This is a subtle twist from the truth of how it went down in TFA, in which Steve recognized 107 as the number of Bucky's division, and his dogged determination inspired Peggy to relent and help his rescue mission. Here, Peggy is given a stronger role in the Cap origin story. And before Steve rushes off, Peggy sings a short untitled ballad hoping for their dance, so Steve pauses before he leaves to ask her to go on a date with her when he returns. • The most egregious Bucky-to-Peggy change of all is the song "End of the Line," in which the infamous Steve and Bucky line/promise (that broke Bucky's brainwashing...) is re-contextualized to be about ???? Peggy waiting for Steve in the past??? Old Man Steve and regular Steve sing it together. But we'll go back to that in a minute.

Again, I get it, yeah? It's for theater. Whatever. But in reality, the obvious logical truth is that Peggy is centered (to the point of taking elements from Bucky's story, and in turn Bucky is downplayed) because they needed to convince the audience that Steve going back in time to be with her makes sense. Steve's time travel ending had to be justified, so the Peggy and Steve "love story" had to be a pillar in this with everything else being given lesser weight.

And the inherent selfishness of him doing something as big as going back in time also had to be justified... which is why they do their best to convince you Steve fought so much he deserved it.

Let me elaborate on that by describing the lead-up to the "End of the Line" song.

So, right before "End of the Line" is "Save the City" – which includes Steve belting "I can do this all day!" repeatedly, of course. It's the 2012 Battle of New York as the Avengers come together to win.

As they begin to disperse, the song then transitions to a voiceover alert mentioning Sokovia being under attack by artificial intelligence (a.k.a. Age of Ultron). The Avengers group rushes back to center stage to say "Save the city! Help us win!" together for battle again.

And then things get fucking weird.

Because the next voiceover threat is "Washington DC. Attack: the Winter Soldier." This is not accurate to the order of events! The Winter Soldier events were before Age of Ultron; the public of the MCU would also know this.

And suddenly on stage Steve is now in the center while everyone else gestures to him. Instead of singing with him, they're telling him "Save the city! Help us win!"

Then, another voiceover: "Wakanda, under attack" (Infinity War) and again, Steve is centered while everyone else points to him. The ensemble says, "Save the city, help us win! Save us all from the state we're in! Got to hear you, got to hear you, got to hear you say..." as Steve is buckling to his knees under their pointing. And as the lights go down to one spotlight on him and everyone else leaves, he says "I can do this all day" one last time, but now it's subdued.

The implication is that Steve has been fighting and fighting, people leave him or he loses them, and he's tired.

And then fucking Old Man Steve arrives.

He says "On your left," because yes, they gave him Sam Wilson's line. BATSHIT.

So now there's two Steves on stage! There has been no mention of Thanos or infinity stones or anything up to this point! (I can only assume that's because in the MCU universe no one would want to be reminded of the trauma of "the Blip" – though it's pretty wild that they're allowed to know about magical time travel?)

Steve is baffled by Old Man Steve's arrival. I, too, was baffled by Old Man Steve's arrival.

As Steve questions how this is possible, Old Man Steve shows him the time stone from his pocket – and only the time stone – which Steve recognizes.

OLD MAN: "You've got to remember where you've been to know where you're going." STEVE: "Where am I going?" OLD MAN: "A date with destiny." STEVE: “Destiny. So we’re the hero till the end?” OLD MAN: “That’s the thing about endings, Steven. They can be rewritten.”

Lmao???????

Steve starts singing about how he hopes this means they "win" and calls himself a "tired hero."

STEVE: "But sometimes I wonder, who will save the savior? Can we really do this all day? So here I am, now and also then. Just a man, looking back at where he's been." OLD MAN: "The road is rough but wounds are healed by a thing called time. You can't forget what's waiting at the end of the line."

Me, watching this: the fact that he says this out of the blue makes absolutely no sense.

There's a bit more singing, including "end of the line" repetition, and then Old Man Steve pulls out the time stone to essentially show visions of... I don't fucking know. Past, present, and future?

That's pre-serum Steve, Steve with Mjolnir, and Sam Wilson as the new Cap. This is the only reference to Sam in the whole thing.

More singing, and then: Peggy's silhouette.

OLD MAN: "Can't forget who's waiting..." STEVE: "I can't forget who's waiting..." BOTH: "Don't forget who's waiting..." STEVE: "At the end of the line."

At this point I'm like, what in the hell?

Did Old Man Steve just brainwash normal Steve into thinking "end of the line" is now about Peggy? Because uhhhh, sorry, that's what it feels like!

Then Steve uses the stone to go back in time, reunites with Peggy, etc. etc. finale.

It's truly some crazy shit.

[drags hands down face]

Look... there's a lot to unpack here, and there's a lot that gets me about it. I know this is dramatized for the stage! I KNOW! But the fact that Old Man Steve shows up to convince Steve he should go back in time makes me want to gnaw on furniture.

Another person essentially uses the lure of a life with Peggy to tempt Steve into doing this, dramatized or not. That is how it's framed.

It's a hell of a way to frame it, and it makes Steve's ending stand in even starker contrast to so many other things in phase 4. Desperately trying to go backwards when you shouldn't or to bring back a lost lover is an evil temptation, and it results in a trap or negative cosmic consequences for basically all of the other characters in the MCU.

• In Shang-Chi, Wenwu is tempted by the Soul Eaters beyond the Dark Gate. They use the voice of his deceased wife to convince him to set them free. • In "What If" episode 4, Doctor Strange becomes evil in a desperate bid to save Christine and he destroys his universe. Along the way, he tries to tempt/trap the good Strange who's fighting him by using visions of Christine, but good Strange knows she isn't real. • Wanda's grief and desire to bring back Vision leads to – well, you know. • In No Way Home, Peter trying to undo things is what causes the multiverse problems.

And the fact that they frame it as Steve being tired, so basically the argument is he deserves that time travel ending (just like MCU fans who defend Endgame say in real life)... Well.

There's no way to make it hold up, especially because in "What If" they explicitly subverted that and had Captain Carter not go back in time despite how she felt she'd "earned" it.

Lastly, in this musical as Steve decides to pursue time travel as his course of action, he basically has the meaning or memory of "end of the line" rewritten for him. I refuse to not think that is some nefarious shit. Yes, it's not out of the realm of possibility that it's just some general Disney erasing Steve and Bucky nonsense.

But... this is on another level to me. I do think that it's a blatant choice that they had to be aware even general MCU fans would call bullshit on. Everyone knows it's inaccurate. "End of the line" is embedded in pop culture consciousness as being connected to Bucky. It just is! Surely that means it's not a stretch to theorize it could be deliberate meta commentary.

How, in the MCU world, would the in-universe playwrights even know the phrase "end of the line"? How the fuck would it be accidentally applied to Steve and Peggy? Not to sound like a crazy person, but who the fuck was rooting around in Steve and/or Bucky's personal business or their brains in order to obtain that knowledge and then remix it, and why? Neither of them would flippantly mention it in the public eye or interviews ever. So where did its inclusion come from?

And in the finale ensemble, this is Bucky's line when he comes out on stage and salutes + points to Steve: "Don't forget who's waiting..." And Old Man Steve completes it with "...at the end of the line."

What on God's green earth am I meant to do with THAT?

Smh.

The vibes are fucked, folks.

The MCU public wouldn't know enough to say the vibes are fucked. The MCU public wouldn't know the origin of "end of the line" as a phrase. But us? The ones who know the "true story" via the movies? We can call bullshit.

Whether the creative team behind this musical did every aspect of this consciously or not, in my opinion the fact that they had to tweak canon "history" to A) make Peggy's involvement in Steve's life more central and B) emphasize Steve as a tired hero all works as commentary on and almost a condemnation of Endgame's frustrating ending. In a way, it's also what Endgame did with the compass and 1973 moment with Peggy as well.

Steve's ending had to be convincing.

It's theater.

And so, maybe the same is true for the in-narrative perspective of this musical in the context of the MCU world. What purpose would it serve to tell the MCU public a feel-good narrative about how all Steve Rogers wanted was to no longer be a tragic man out of time and get to make a life with his best girl? To frame it as being about how he fought so hard for years and so he earned a happy ending? To minimize and nearly erase Bucky's importance in his life?

Who would want to do that sort of propaganda, and why?

The MCU civilians are given this happy explanation and maybe don't widely question it. Who cares about the details or logistics if it makes a good story, I guess. It's a stretch, but maybe they mostly applaud it. Maybe they're happy for "America's favorite son" (not unlike people who uncritically liked Endgame). In a way, it's even a rehabilitation of his image (after the Accords) like putting the shield on the Statue of Liberty. And maybe they'd even be ready and waiting to applaud if Steve ever made a dramatically selfless and de-aged return to the spotlight or a position of authority.

But mostly, the public is being conditioned to not know or to forget that anyone else like Bucky Barnes or Sam Wilson would possibly know Steve Rogers the person well enough in the modern day to call bullshit on any of this – or on his hypothetical miraculous future return.

So. Sure, it's probably nothing.

But what if it's not?

-------

UPDATE: @faeriecap added to this post with some incredible information and further behind-the-scenes context about the MCU/Marvel stuff at Disney parks! Check it out here :)

[bambi-kinos]

To what extend do you think Paul’s nostalgia is a trick for publicity? ☕️

Most of it. Or rather I think it's a double edged sword where he gets to control what the public sees (by repeating a bunch of the same stories) and then he gets to enjoy some nostalgia of his very own. It's like when he tells the story of John liking "Here There and Everywhere." He'll mess up the setting from time to time but

1) a reliable story to associate his name with fuzzy feelings and good music

2) It does some image repair work for John so that instead of the weird amalgamation that exists now, Paul gets to present John as a good guy who liked good music and liked Paul and had gentle moments of tenderness.

I think the nostalgia is true or at least Paul is telling an accurate surface level version of his nostalgic memories. He knows his memories are not in great shape so he's also purposefully keeping them light because it has been sixty years, there's no way he can keep the details straight after that long. Paul's primary purpose with these stories IMO is to reset the narrative so that The Beatles are no longer associated with a painful and vicious break up anymore, but rather the love he remembers from being four guys on an adventure.

I don't think Paul is doing what Taylor Swift did with Tom Hiddleston where she and him fabricated a 5 day relationship or whatever complete with photoshoots to distract people from...whatever was going on, God, I'm not a Swiftie so I don't know. (Was it the Kanye diss track thing?) Like, it's very common for celebrities to just...lie lol they will just lie and make up stories for the press. I don't think Paul lies more than he has to, like watching him in Beatles 64 there's a whole minute where he's just bent over a table of his photographs and he's giving John the biggest softest googly eyes ever. That's not fake! He's genuine about that.

Otoh lol. Yes, Paul is 100% using the nostalgia as a marketing tactic. Ringo does it too a little bit, I attended one of his All Starr Band concerts in Vegas and he sang "I'm The Greatest" there! And it was great! But something very interesting I noticed was that he said "my friend John wrote this song for me..." and that got a lot "awwws ;____;" from the ladies in the audience (including me!) And that was absolutely a calculated move from Ringo. It's not as cynical as I'm making it out to be but otoh you know what I mean right? Like Ringo and Paul are sincere about adoring George and John but they're also perfectly willing to mix that into their public performances (on and off stage, in front and away from cameras) in order to get audience reactions. And no matter how wholesome it is, it's a form of manipulation.

Even The Beatles website does this to a certain extent, they're still carrying out Brian's vision of the Fab Four, a set of four musicians as a group, Do Not Separate. And we can feel the wholesome nostalgia that comes off that for sure and I think it's totally sincere from Paul and Ringo's corner. But it is also a marketing tactic.

I think there is a deeper edgier nostalgia that Paul doesn't reference very much, stuff like the mad partying in Hamburg, the Satyricon sex parties, Paul's Dirty Weekend with Linda and the "minstrel show" where he had two sex workers in two hotel rooms one White and one Black, etc. We don't hear about those things for a reason though I'm sure Paul and Ringo both still look back very fondly on that stuff.

It's also a certainty that Paul is sending out stories into the ether that he doesn't actually feel very strongly about but still play well for the audience. I'm not sure which ones they are honestly but other people would have opinions on it.

What's interesting is how seamless Paul is about blending his nostalgia with marketability. Where other celebs have to manufacture moments and conflicts, Paul has lived such a vivid life that he doesn't have to do that. He has plenty of material to draw from. And the fact that he's willing to flog it for publicity...it is something. Not sure I'd call it a power move but it is a move. And it ties into a much larger discussion about media presentation, projected authenticity vs being real, that kind of thing.

What Paul does is actually much more similar to Current Year vtubers then other celebrities. Vtubers have very personal connections with their streaming audiences while projecting an incomplete version of their personality through the webcamera. The logic in Hollywood and the music industry has always been that you have to create and project an image with very little regard for your actual personality and preferences.

The Beatles on the other hand did what vtubers do and they created an image that was based out of their lives and experiences which is what generated that feeling of authenticity that we responded to. Paul never denied being a ladies man for example. The ladykiller image is present as early as 1965 and was satirized in Help! with his come-ons to Ahme. He just never talked about the fact that he was boinking 12 women in a night because it was indecent, otherwise it was publicly known that he dated a lot.

The contrast to that is the manufactured images of many celebrities and now e-celebs with the rise of Youtube. Mr. Beast is in big trouble because he presented himself as a wholesome children's entertainer with whacky Youtube challenges but then oops it turns out he's friends with a lolicon who showed porn to teenagers in a discord server. There's a complete disconnect between Mr. Beast's image and his actual personality where he's not wholesome at all and instead hires sex offenders.

Paul and The Beatles themselves are completely different from that. We don't get the entire truth from Paul's nostalgia (which he is flogging because of his bottomless need for attention and for money) but he is willing to share a snapshot into his life that he thinks we can accept.

[duckiemimi]

hi i am going to ask a silly question as a newer fan. why do u (or other people) consider gojo morally grey? am I missing something about his characterization? i thought he was similar to yuji, but more "realistic", I suppose? i realize how crazy off that could be, I'm really asking out of curiosity!

hi! this isn't a silly question at all, don't worry!

to clarify, i don't quite consider him morally grey! i think of him as someone with motivations that align with the protagonists' big-picture ideology (i used to call them the "good guys," the colloquial way people usually refer to protags, but i think people get the wrong idea when i use that term, so i'll use "protagonists" from now on!). to put simply, his morality generally lies on the side of the perspective jjk is told from—a perspective pushed to be seen as favorable by us readers!

i think "morally grey" has become a buzzword people throw around to describe characters who aren't borderline altruistic or characters who don't have explicitly stated emotionally-driven motivations. could you really label a character "morally grey" if in their universe, combat is commonplace and power systems exist? what context-appropriate lines will we use to distinguish what's black, and white, and grey? we'll get to that later. now let's talk about the specifics: his individual motivations.

characterization-wise, i think most people consider gojo "morally grey" because of his teenage apathy and some of the less tactful things he's said (he's very point-blank and he doesn't sugarcoat). i also think that nanami's description of him in the afterlife scene retconned what was already established of him, in turn affecting the perception of his character as well (click for a post i wrote on this). and now the concept of "monstrosity" in relation to his character has been introduced into the story, too.

gojo is a very pragmatic character for the most part. i don't think gojo sees things through a rigid "right and wrong" lens. i think he sees them for their practicality in reference to what he already knows to be true. for more context, i'd say compared to geto (his foil), who put righteous meaning to his duty pre-defection and self-justified meaning to his ideals post-defection, gojo's idea of duty towards non-sorcerers is an extension of his learned role. it's not something he feels particularly strongly for—it's just something he was born and bred for.

but that doesn't mean he doesn't care! he does care, otherwise we wouldn't have a story in the first place. he just shows "care" differently, less towards the subject of jujutsu protection and more towards his peers, the people he's been surrounded by his whole life. but even then, he takes his duty of protecting non-sorcerers (protecting all of humanity, really) very seriously and that's apparent in the shibuya arc!

if we were to look at his actions (not surface-level attitude!) throughout the story, chapter 261 included, gojo has never done anything that isn't aligned with the protagonists' big-picture ideology. looking at it more abstractly, if we were to frame the major clashing ideologies in jjk on a "morality" spectrum with "good" on one end and "bad" on the other ("good" being analogous to the protagonists and "bad," the antagonists), then he'd be a relatively "good" person. he's never really been an ambiguous guy, i'd say. just emotionally constipated.

i think he could be compared to yuuji, yea! they both have this crippling tendency to place blame wholly on themselves. but i guess compared to yuuji, gojo is a very "do first, feel later" type of guy and he often compartmentalizes to operate. he's got the world on his shoulders—there's no time to think about what that means for himself, only for what it means for the world. alas, jujutsu's atlas has fallen. but yea! thanks for asking!

[shaotie]

Where Loyalties Lie Blurb About Yolinda and Leo

There's some strong opinions about Yolinda on ao3, so since I'm putting it on tumblr, if you REALLY don't like her character I included some info here.

*WARNING* for *SPOILERS* (Seriously, if you don't like spoilers I recommend not reading past this point)

~Long Info~ (short is below)

- I wrote Yolinda as a sheltered 'prissy princess' type with a short temper who pretty much always gets what she wants.

- When things aren't going her way she blurts out hurtful things without thinking first (sometimes things she doesn't really mean) because she is used to others bending over backwards for her.

- She lives in a bubble and isn't good at putting herself in other people's shoes. Instead of trying to understand how another person may be feeling she focuses her energy on trying to 'help' in her own misguided way; so even though she understands logically about the harsh realities of the life Leo is forced to live, that knowledge doesn't sink down into her heart until later in the fic, and even then, most of the major changes/development to her character won't become clearly evident until the third short story I wrote following the end of this fanfic.

- Because of being stuck inside her own bubble, she doesn't understand why her fiery temper isn't working on Leo when it works on pretty much everyone else to get her what she wants - especially the guys she dated. Her anger and need for control really comes from a place of fear, so it becomes much more pronounced when it isn't working to get her way - ie. she loses control of herself frequently in Leo's company because he doesn't back down or give in to her.

- She feels things very strongly, meaning her passion, love, empathy, fears, sadness, etc. are all just as intense as her temper can be.

- She feels scared when she's not in control due to past trauma so she *needs* to always be in control of things going on in her life. This couples with her need to help when someone is hurt because seeing someone in pain reminds her of the pain of heart she feels over losing her parents, and since she can't fix that she feels strongly compelled to fix what she can for others, whether they want it or not - believing in her own mind that what she does is in their best interests.

- Even though she genuinely does care and wants to help, her desire also comes from a selfish place - 'I can't handle the fear and anxiety this situation makes me feel, so I need to fix their problem for them to make those intense feelings go away'

- I always intended on following up this fic with a second book (no guarantees) so intentionally limited her character development with the plan of growing it more in a possible sequel. There is some minor character development in this fanfic, but she sticks her foot in her mouth more than once before she finally realizes she's the problem and puts any effort into controlling her tongue when she's mad.

Leo (X):

- I wrote Leo's character as a 'street thug' ninja assassin who thrives on conflict because humor can only take him so far with the injustices he has to face in life. He's used to people predictably being scared of him and backing down (that's so booring), but he can't predict Yolinda and she's not afraid of him in the least, so he finds her fiery temper attractive and thrilling.

- He likes a challenge because it gives him something to focus his attention on other than the terrible injustices he has to face as a mistreated, unloved slave who is forced to do what he's told or else and who has seen and experienced terrible atrocities in his short life. But being a skilled ninja, the mercenary of the powerful Baron, and Battle Nexus Champ to the equally influential Big Mama, no one wants to cross him the wrong way, so he often wins any conflicts that come his way without putting in any real effort.

- Being the only slave he knows with an education who was always encouraged by his owner to use his mind, he's got a good head on his shoulders and usually it's way too easy for him to manipulate those around him, but he can't do that with Yolinda because she can be clever and digs her heels in. He's drawn to that aspect of her personality because it gives him a mental challenge that takes his mind off his own problems.

- Deep down he likes that he doesn't always win with Yolinda, because whether a fight or argument, winning is so easy it's often boring for him and doesn't bring a thrill of excitement as a distraction for the terrible life he has to live.

- He's intrigued that her passion is just as strong as her temper and despite her quick temper he's drawn toward anyone who shows signs that they genuinely care (especially after what happened between him and his 'doting Auntie' Big Mama), because he's so starved for love and affection in his life he soaks it up like a sponge to water.

- He likes to antagonize Yolinda and is able to look past the things she says in the heat of anger, partly because some of the things she says is tame compared to the worse stuff he's heard on the Hidden City streets, partly because he's happy for her - her cutting remarks show evidence of her lack of understanding for the harsh realities he has to live, meaning she's been blessed with a sheltered life free from the hardships he wouldn't wish on anyone - and partly because of his attraction to her; so that the things she says often doesn't bother him more than an annoyance, and he's quick to forgive.

- It's not brought up until the third short I mentioned above, but another reason Leo is so forgiving with her cutting remarks is because he feels some sort of connection to her that he doesn't understand, somewhat like the ninpo connection he feels with his family (ex. evidence of that connection is hinted at in ch. 31 & 53)

~In short~

Unfortunately anyone who really hates Yolinda's character might not like the direction I took her in this fanfic, hopefully not to the point it spoils this entire fic for you, but I wanted to include this as a 'fyi' for anyone who feels really strongly about her.

I don't know what it's like for anyone else, but I know how it feels for me to really get invested in a fanfic only to be turned off by a character I really don't like.

That's why I put this blurb about Yolinda and Leo for anyone who's like me and wants to know what to expect with her character development 💚🐢

Background Info I didn't Include Anywhere Else:

The main overarching story is Leo reuniting with his family to work together and stop the evil forces of the Shredder.

The idea of fate and soul mates is hinted at in this au. Although the Shredder is imprisoned in the Twilight Realm, his evil dark energy is present on earth. It isn't a sentient being, but is still capable of doing harm.

It is Leo's destiny as a Hamato descendent to aid in the destruction of the Shredder. The dark energy does what it can to stop him from fulfilling his role, playing a part in separating him from his family at a young age and contributing to sending one hardship after another his way.

The dark energy also played a role in the death of Yolinda's parents. She is Leo's soul mate and by making her suffer this terrible tradegy, the idea was that it would take her out of the picture - away from the Hidden City where Leo lived - and change her core personality enough that even if they do happen to meet each other, the hope was that Leo would be put off by her instead of attracted to her, thereby seperating him from anyone who could possibly ever love him.

But in the background, Hamato Karai is also working hard to undo the evil effects of the dark armor. She is the reason why Leo meets up with his brothers in time for them to build their relationship so they're united and ready for the inevitable return of the Shredder.

She helps him to draw close to them, she is the one who ensured he met Yolinda, she is the one who put Hueso and Bully in his life, she gives him the strength he needs to go on even when all hope seems lost, she helps him to retain his honorable Hamato hero personality at his core despite the life he is forced to live, and she plays a role in softening Leo's heart to the idea of drawing close to his biological Hamato dad, Splinter.

So basically there are outside forces at play - both good and bad - that helped to shape the life course Leo lived. I never ended up including any of this background stuff in the actual fanfic itself, but it does play a strong role as to why Leo is still attracted to Yolinda despite some of the harsh, cutting remarks she makes because of that fiery temper of hers.

🔹🔹🔹

🐢 Where Loyalties Lie masterpost

🐢 masterpost for my rottmnt ao3 fanfics and art

[crepes-suzette-373]

Another conspiracy theory posting.

It has been mentioned that the Nerona in Imu's name might be a reference to Nero. Or perhaps specifically, a painting titled "Pochodnie Nerona", which depicts Christian martyrdom.

Now, if this is correct and not coincidence, this specifically makes Jupiter's naming choice very very strange, because his name strongly alludes to Saint Peter the Apostle.

Jupiter's full name was Shepherd Juu Peter. Peter is Peter directly. The "juu" is written in kanji like this: 十. Literally it means the number 10, but it's also the shape of the cross. Cross-shaped objects, including the Christian cross, is referred to in Japanese as "juumonji", or "the shape of the kanji juu".

The Bible narrated that Jesus left a personal message to Peter alone. The wording may vary depending of the translation, but one of the forms used says "shepherd My sheep".

Apostle Peter was, according to tradition, executed by the order of Nero.

I've seen some comments in the fandom suggesting that someone among the Gorousei might actually be a turncoat, and I'm not sure what the existing theories were, but I wonder if this means that Jupiter is the one.

Certainly there's a few things about him that makes it feel like he's the odd man out. His beast form is not a "traditional Asian folklore beast", but a Western one. Possibly a relatively modern invention, even, since I wasn't able to find anything like a "sandworm" in older mythology. Far as I can tell, this was based on or adopted from Dune's sandworms.

The other Gorousei's faces were very very similar to their real life inspirations. Venus being based on Gandhi and Mercury based on Gorbachev is so dead-obvious it's not even funny. Jupiter's supposed "reference" was Abraham Lincoln, but unlike the other 4, the resemblance is not intuitive. I'm even personally of the opinion he doesn't look like Lincoln at all. There is the entire possibility he's not actually based on a real person at all, and if so, that's singling him out as different again.

And now for the wild guess that is mostly based on conjecture. I previously wrote that by the zodiac alignment, Jupiter's "beast" form should have been a dragon. You can stretch it and suppose that "sandworm" maybe counts as a "dragon" somehow (because wyrm and worm sounds similar), but unlike the other 4 this is not really intuitive either.

I have posted a couple of times saying that I have this theory that maybe before the World Noble Tenryuubito established themselves, there were a race of "real dragons" who may have lived on Red Line alongside the Lunarians. Maybe Jupiter's strange naming and his zodiac alignment hinted that he is actually a real dragon, and he's been hiding his true form to avoid being hunted.

It's not yet really explained why Lunarians are hunted, but it's not entirely off base to make a conjecture that: 1) there could be other ancient races on the red Line, and 2) they might have been hunted just like the Lunarians were. In which case, hiding one's identity is necessary.

Not to mention the strange scar he has on his neck. Sure, Saturn has a scar too, but the scar being on his neck really makes me wonder. I half-jokingly theorised that maybe he was the dragon Ryuuma cut down all those years ago.

The wording says "cut down" 斬り捨て. While this tends to imply "kill", this does not actually directly mean kill. It's just slashing the opponent with a critical blow. This still leaves the slimmest chance of the opponent being able to survive the strike.

The direction of the diagonal scar also is consistent with a standard samurai slash. Or any right-handed sword slash, even, since Zoro's scar from Mihawk also goes the same direction. I'm not entirely serious with this theory, but it's not impossible.

[hxhhasmysoul]

You've frequently said that Yuuji is like a shoujo protagonist. Could you elaborate on that? I don't read shoujo and the last shoujo anime I watched was years ago so I'm not very familiar with it but I'm very fascinated as to why you think Yuuji's like a shoujo heroine. I don't think I've ever heard anyone else describe him as such.

I think I've seen some people talk about him in the context of a shoujo manga, though it might have been more in the context of him being a shoujo love interest which from what I recall of shoujo isn't really apt, Megumi with his aloof personality fits that bill more. but maybe others compared him to a protag too.

As you can see I'm also not some shoujou manga, or any manga category, expert. And I'm sure there's at least one, but more likely several, in-depth academic analyses of shoujo as a category, or what a shoujo protagonist is. And as with any such broad category there are surely exceptions, possibly even very popular ones.

With the above caveats, what I mean when I say "Yuuji is a shoujo manga heroine" is that he kinda fits the bill of what I picture when I think of a shoujo heroine. But also it's a bit of a sad joke, because, le sigh, patriarchy.

So historically, and maybe even today, not an expert, the manga categories were very strongly targeted at very particular demographics. Which any form of media like that, you of course get a lot of stereotypes baked into it. Stereotypes about what these groups may want to see which are based on societal norms and expectations for these groups. And the main manga categories are gendered and divided by age into shoujo - manga for adolescent women, josei - manga for adult women, shounen - manga for young men, seinen - manga for adult men.

From what I've gathered, the adult categories, I think especially the seinen category, are more flexible in what they allow for in terms of topics. Like adults can be interested in whatever they want, especially when it comes to men.

The categories directed at the youth feel more rigid when it comes to what they should depict. In gross simplification, girls should be exposed to relationships while boys should be exposed to action.

It's not like you don't get any action in shoujo, like you can get a lot of it, but it's framed differently than what you get in shounen and I will get to that. But the relationship will be at the forefront, and there's usually romance as an important part of the story.

You also get relationships in shounen, the already cliche power of friendship and so on, though rather no romance. It's a running joke that we get epilogues where we find out the protag who had the most dramatic and kinda romantic moments with his male friend/rival/enemy is happily married to one of the girls that cheered on him from the sidelines. Heteronormativity needs to be maintained. It's also a cliche that any romance that happens in shounen is played for laughs and kinda cringe, or downright laced with some really creepy shit like pedophilia (older women taking interest in young boys usually but it's "just a joke" or even depicted as cool) or incel shit (like male characters harassing and stalking female characters).

Gege doesn't do any of that, and will be very good about it if they stay on course and not make the "and they were all heterosexual" epilogue. I wrote a more detailed post about it, one that also delves into a lot of gender stuff, though it's a bit of a questionable one due to its origins and it's a bit old, etc. etc., proceed with caution if you choose to check it out. (A side note too, Hell's Paradise is quite interesting with it's premise of the protag loving his wife even if it's not executed well. Generally Kaku tries a lot of interesting things, though doesn't always manage to stick the landing).

A shoujo heroine often isn't the brightest when it comes to school stuff, or strongest in terms of physical strength, if there's magic involved her powers usually don't seem to be the most devastating in their effects. What she will usually have is an ability to deliver moments of very high vulnerability. She will also usually have a huge heart and ability to bring people together. These 3 combined is how she usually will win fights. A shounen character often can also have the last two, but usually the vulnerability he delivers is a bit one note, sometimes feels almost performative with the "I'm not strong enough". (also I'm sure that there a plenty of shoujo that also fail these). And the shounen character uses his vulnerability moment to charge the final attack while a shoujo heroine can win just through being vulnerable. (There's obviously shounen which has done this too, like categories this big will have everything, Killua wins with Palm through showing vulnerability, he does that with Illumi too.)

You might already see where I'm going with this.

Yuuji is built around his very strong humanity, his compassion. It's in his name. He is extremely good at delivering moments of devastating vulnerability, moments that are not power ups for him at all. He's also built around his loneliness and desire for connection, for being surrounded by people. He's very people oriented, has a warm personality and brings people together. He's capable of deep compassion and love. He has very high emotional intelligence. And he's capable of winning a fight through that alone, actually.

I started to call him a shoujo heroine after the Junpei battle, because he literally wins that by making himself vulnerable in front of Junpei and talking Junpei down. That's why what happens next is all the more devastating. He makes himself vulnerable in front of Higuruma.

If you apply shounen logic to JJK you get all those fans shitting on Yuuji because he's not the strongest. Because he doesn't have flashy powers like Gojou or Sukuna or Megumi. The cold takes like: "he loses several battles, omg he's not really the protagonist", or "he doesn't get amazing power ups", or "he's not driven to be the strongest, he's not proactive in achieving some lofty goals, climbing to the top of the hierarchy", etc. etc. blah, blah.

However if you apply a more shoujo logic to JJK, Yuuji is the clear and only protagonist. He's the heart of the story, he's the most people-oriented, relationship-oriented, vulnerable character. People are drawn to his warmth, not his power (Toudou's fanfiction about Yuuji is about Yuuji being his emotional support, about Yuuji letting Toudou be vulnerable together!).

All of the themes of the story converge onto him. He's emotionally tied to both major villains, and to their victims. His subtle personal, highly vulnerable goal, screams shoujo manga.

That's why I call him a shoujo heroine.

Why I say this is all a bit of a sad joke. While everything I wrote above, I stand by with my full conviction, the joke is that it all hinges on buying into patriarchy.

The division between shounen and shoujo is based on the societal norms for the gender binary. The idea that girls should like certain things, should behave a certain way... boys should like other things, behave in a different way etc. etc. In a system like that even personality traits are gendered. Men are stoic, calm, collected, decisive, forward, intellectual, high-minded, practical, project strength, they should feel comfortable taking up space blah blah. Women are emotional, fragile, caring, supportive, they don't care about practicality but are interested in the trivial and pretty things, they should be shy and quiet, feel good in the background, blah blah blah.

One of the principal traits of a shoujo and shounen protagonists is their gender. Because girls should read about girls and boys should read about boys.

This is why it's a bit of a sad joke, because calling Yuuji a shoujo heroine feels a bit like calling him a girl. And while I do it with love, and with my highly internally processed views on gender, I do it in public. I do it on this website where so many people perform a lot of feminism or queer activism in ways that are full of internalised misogyny and queerphobia of various stripes. In a patriarchal society calling a boy a girl is an insult, it's a form of devaluing him because girls are seen as less than. It's implying that he's failing at being a man. And Yuuji gets a lot of shit from the fandom for not being strong enough, for failing as a shounen protag. For failing to be that idealised, aspirational version of a boy. One that can overcome anything, one that's always strong, that is always driven.

I will quote here what I wrote about Yuuji in the post I linked above not to repeat myself:

"Yuuji is written more like a female character than a male one if we take the gender stereotypes into consideration, especially those that pervade the shounen genre. He’s built around compassion, cooperation and orienting himself towards others. These are stereotypically female coded traits. He doesn’t have a self aggrandising goal like so many shounen protagonists. His goal is intimate, it’s about his emotional needs. I forgot to mention that Yuuji is quite passive compared to a typical shounen protag. He rarely takes action on his own and only when the situation really forces him to do it. He’s reactive not proactive. He has this goal of eating all fingers but he waits for instructions, follows them. He doesn’t go out in the world seeking out the fingers. Same goes for his missions to kill curses. The reality had to hurt him real bad for him to become more active and still even now he falls in line, he’s not driven in the way shounen protags usually are. Passivity is associated with the concpet yin, which is also associated with femininity. Why do I mention this concept? Because jujutsu sorceres are kinda the successors of onmyōji, or more literally the yin-and-yang masters. He doesn’t have much of an ego. He knows he’s good at fighting but he’s not arrogant about it like Gojou or Sukuna are. He’s tactile, he has an open body language. His best friend is Nobara. The way they are close is astounding. All their idiot to idiot moments. All their physical contact. The way they complement each other while fighting. The way Nobara can just text Yuuji to come and he does. Nobara being gone really affects Yuuji deeply, to the point where he uncharacteristically lashed out at Hana. And it’s completely not sexual or romantic. Compared to that his friendship with Megumi is pretty shit and not really close. He’s been very clearly socialised as a boy in a pretty misogynist society on shit like shounen manga. He has “a type” when it comes to girls, that he can invoke instantly because that’s how young boys are socialised, it’s expected of them. And yet that type is just an aesthetic preference. It’s not really what he’d even want from a potential girlfriend. He treats women like people. Naturally, instinctively not in the fake “nice guy” way. He’s such a well rounded role model of young masculinity. He is that because Gege doesn’t build him on the stereotypes of what masculinity should be according to the conservative patriarchal viewpoint. Yuuji is a human who’s entitled to emotions, who’s not a total victim of his socialisation, who doesn’t strive to live up to societal expectations. No status quo, the mantra of JJK."

In a world not steeped through with patriarchy this wouldn't matter. In a world without such rigid standards as to what is masculine and what is feminine, calling Yuuji a shoujo manga heroine wouldn't stand out. Because it wouldn't feel like a thing. Yuuji wouldn't draw anyone's disappointment or ire. There wouldn't be a feeling of him crossing gender norms because the norms either wouldn't exist or would've been very very wide and flexible.

_____

tldr: Yuuji is a shoujo manga heroine because he also has pink hair and is capable of extreme cuteness, and have you seen him holding the bunny so adorably? Very Usagi coded.

[afreakingdork]

Hello! Okay so based on your recent post we know you have no interest in tcest and such but not gonna lie, it also made me wonder why you decided to write the most recent fic, On the Spot. Your biggest strength from what I could tell is character exploration and you have already expounded on Leo's struggles with other methods so I was wondering why you chose to delve into incestous feelings as a product of traumatic experiences in particular in On the Spot? Was it just on a whim or did you have another reason?

I'm just asking because genuinely curious and hold no negative feelings against you, the writer, for writing it. In fact the only reason I read it was because I knew that if it came from your hands, the fic will be (in my eyes at least) always be a guaranteed banger, and I was intrigued at how you'd handle these darker topics in your work, and although I finished it I'm still left a bit confused why you made it.

Ahem. Sorry if my ask made you uncomfortable in anyway by the way, you don't have to answer anything you don't want to of course.

I appreciate your concern, but no, nothing you've written had made me uncomfortable and I'm sure people are curious. My ask box and messages are always open.

The following response is put under the cut not because the content discussed is explicit, but because it is triggering subject matter. Please keep yourselves safe.

I'll continue to be candid as that's my preferred method of living. For those who have read Weak Spot, you'll know there was a crest of Leo's trauma in it where he reveals that he loved (platonically) and still wished Donnie would become part of their family in spite of how many repercussions that brought upon him. Leo's struggles were a topic that @mothmans-left-nipple and I often discussed while I was writing. These messages came to a head around the wedding chapter of Weak Spot and moth mentioned something about how traumatizing the event must be for Leo.

In that moment, I was struck with the entire concept of this new fic. I know you say you believe that Leo's trauma was closed off in Weak Spot, but I never considered it that way. All that happened to Leo was that he became unstuck from where he was frozen in time. None of Leo's feelings about Donnie (again, platonically) are actually dealt with. I have plans to tackle more of Leo and Donnie's interactions going forward in Soft Spot, but overall it felt like a glaring hole in Leo's recovery and moth's comment opened up how traumatic that missed spot was.

The story I then penned delved directly into that darkness and what can happen when trauma is not dealt with. Leo's clinging necessity of spiraling out as he's thrust into this new world that he doesn't know how to navigate quickly becomes a battered thing. He doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and as such he quickly loses control of them. They get warped and malformed until the only way he can view his attachment is through the lens of the past even though no one is there. He's desperate for a modicum of control and release that he's been denied for decades. It manifested in the way it did because of everyone's both reluctance and enabling.

I by no means believe that incest is the only logical way these feelings or this scenario could be dealt with, but for the direction the story took with reader as a prominent character, that was the path that made the most sense in this case. I was very aware of the subject matter i was handling and by no means wanted to make light of it for survivors. My heart goes out to those who have suffered this fate or worse, but that's exactly why I felt strongly about posting this story.

Could it have taken another path?

Yes.

Should it have?

That's not for me to say.

All I can say is i wrote what I did and I stand by that decision.

[xuer]

kind eyes extended notes

for kind eyes on ao3

be prepared for the yap fest. please read this after the fic because there are spoilers.

1)

first of all, I wrote this fic very out of order because of several reasons. one, because my caffeine-addled brain couldn't string together a cohesive story or outline before it was begging me to put something down, and two, because I took a little bit of creative liberty with my characterization of oscar, which leads me into…

2)

oscar is usually a really analytical and cool/collected guy, very logical and realistic, but sometimes he just can't think around lando. he's in romantic/platonic love (reader's choice!), your honor. he never lets his emotions get the best of him, so when they do he has no idea how to handle it and can't even recognize it until hourssss later. his thoughts are a mess and he needs a bit of time to even begin to process what happened. when lando's in the vicinity, he's even more scattered. he's struggling to catch up, really, and he's trying desperately to read the social cues that lando is usually so open with but is kind of on and off with this time around.

he's also obsessed with lando's eyes. I mean OBSESSED. which, me too, I kind of projected hard on this part, but it shows through the fic because oscar is like, "lando look at me!" "lando please show me your eyes" "lando pay attention to me, don't avoid me" yada yada yada. it stems from lando being the kind of person where you can usually tell exactly how he's feeling. he doesn't shy away from showing his emotions on camera or in front of other people, even if they're very very ugly to look at. we kind of saw the peak of this in austria, where lando didn't mince his words AT ALL after the race despite knowing the backlash he would get (this kid will give me a stress induced heart attack one day I swear). we've seen his ups and downs, his high after scoring pole in barcelona and his crushing low after losing it, his fury after the on-track incident at the red bull ring, to his… honestly I want to say slow and steady loss of hope after silverstone. he still gives his everything in every race, he's still determined to go out there and do the best he can, but like you can tell the difference in his reaction after he got pole in spain vs in hungary - there was a very big difference and a lack of unfiltered excitement this time around. he knows what it's like to win and to be so so close to a win he can feel himself lose it. lando feels everything so strongly, and after so many disappointments and close calls he's kind of learned to protect himself in this way. going into budapest, he still expected and wanted to win, but his confidence has definitely taken a hit. oh my god this turned into a lando character analysis I'm so sorry let me cut it short and just say his eyes are so expressive and after hungary he was very subdued and oscar's internal lando alarm sounded and was like "show me your eyes!" "why won't you show me your eyes!" "even when you look at me I can't tell what you're thinking anymore something is wrong!!!" until lando does something very obvious with his face like smile at him. oscar you silly boy.

all this just to say in this fic oscar's just a bit of a dunce, and I mean that in the most affectionate, loving way possible. he doesn't know the full story getting out of the car (neither of them do) and all he cares about is if lando is mad at him, but he can't even admit that to himself so he just feels like a crazy person whenever it looks like lando might be upset and he doesn't even understand why. every bit about the dread he feels, the lightheadedness, nausea, feeling cold, etc. that's all his physical and visceral reactions to lando not looking happy, to him being scared his relationship with lando won't survive this. along the same lines, the pressure in his stomach easing up, the warmth he feels, being able to breathe and think (relatively) normally again, those are all reactions to him seeing lando react or interact with him positively. I'm sorry, but he's whipped and he has absolutely no clue. but yes, that's what the unreliable narrator tag is for.

3)

some other details I mentioned in the fic but didn't really expand on:

there's a lot of other parallels and barely touched upon details in this fic to be honest. besides the obvious and reoccurring mention of lando's eyes and oscar's desperation for eye contact throughout the whole thing, there's oscar seeing his reflection in lando's visor at the very beginning and in his own phone screen at the very end (he just wants to see lando's eyes but instead he's seeing his own, he wants to figure lando out and find out how upset he actually is with him but what he actually needs to do is look at himself and figure everything out from his own side first).

oscar doing everything on autopilot and muscle memory at the beginning because he's still sorting things out in his brain, cringing at himself a lot which isn't normal behavior but he genuinely does not know what to do or how to act in this situation, only rebooting just in time to give some non-answer to nico in his interview and barely coming fully back online when lando first actually talks to him, how it really doesn't hit him that he won (HE ACTUALLY WON. THIS TROPHY IS HIS.) until he's basically (almost) alone in a familiar setting after he has time to process everything.

lando procrastinating taking off his helmet because he, too, needs time to school his expression into something. decent.

lando being uncharacteristically quiet in the beginning, silently congratulating oscar in the car, silently acknowledging him. silently motioning for him to get to his interview, his first actual words being trivial and ultimately meaningless small talk ("no big fumbles. good interview.") he's still teasing oscar, he wants oscar to know they're okay, but he still needs time to process what he lost, lick his wounds a little, needs to cool off for a bit before he can start to actually be genuinely happy for oscar's achievement. it's why it takes him until after the interviews, the cooldown room, the podium, when they're both alone (3 hours later) for him to finally muster up the strength to text oscar an actual heartfelt congratulations.

and his simple "you will" at the end of the first section is his unwavering belief that oscar won't stop here, he'll keep rising, this is nowhere near his peak as a driver, despite what lando wants or wishes for in regards to his own career, wrapped up as a nice little generic reassurance. oscar catches the weight of the words, but he doesn't know what it means exactly. yet.

oscar in the cooldown room expecting to eventually get a verbal knockdown from lando (max his best friend on the grid someone he's known for a decade wasn't even safe a few weeks ago, oscar's nobody special in comparison, lando's definitely mad he got prickly at LEWIS OF ALL PEOPLE oscar is not safe) so he's trying to find the right thing to say but then lando notices him floundering and trying to fix things for him so he just deflates and apologizes to lewis and smiles at oscar.

mclaren social media admin (who is faceless and genderless and honestly only in this fic because of reasons discussed in section 5) mentioning that oscar seems happier alone just staring at his trophy, which, again, yeah it only just registered for him, but also, he's in the comfort of his driver room with no actually hostile cameras around so he isn't on high alert for every move he makes and lando isn't here so he can actually think! hurray!

another kind of obvious one is the texts. oscar's knee-jerk reaction to seeing a message from mark, someone who's supposed to be on his side all the time, is negative? he's very surprised at himself and he doesn't know it's because he knows mark dislikes lando and can already envision how his opinion will only worsen after today. he's like noooo don't hate him I don't even know why I'm defending him I'm upset at what he did too but I hate that you hate him. absolutely zero below-surface level thoughts. soooo real.

also oscar's contact names for them (bless his heart), how mark uses correct spelling and punctuation while lando's dyslexic ass just wings it (and how some of the only messages without misspells are his congratulation messages because he painstakingly typed those out ok?), lando calling oscar by name and not any of the stupid nicknames he came up with that oscar secretly hoards close to his heart, and the timestamps, ugh. and yes, mark's last message is a reference to red bull and multi 21. sorry, even the commentators mentioned it and you want me to not bring it up in the fic? [loud buzzer noise] never. lando is also very much running away from everything that's why he's hiding out on max's private jet they can both wallow and drink their sorrows and beef with their engineers away together 30,000 feet in the air.

throughout the fic as well, you can kind of note the changes in tone. the beginning focuses a lot on minuscule details, how oscar feels millisecond by millisecond, because that's all he's able to process at the time. as the fic progresses, oscar's internal monologue gets less self-judgy and gets its snark back. it goes from "god, he doesn't know how lando does it" and "what is wrong with him today?" and speeds up as he goes back to normal and starts being... well, funny again. "after lewis has enough of waterboarding them both" "his phone starts up its never-ending seizure of notifications again" like ok king we're so back.

and then it proceeds to all come crashing down again.

oscar's (loud QUOTE UNQUOTE) "sickness" (read: unintelligible mixed feelings) makes a reappearance when he's listening back on lando's radio messages because he had no idea to the extent of what will was saying to him and it is extremely shocking I'll give him that. even I was like. jaw on the floor when I found out. because your engineer, the little guy in your ear, is the one person you're supposed to be able to trust unconditionally. they are the ones keeping you out of harm's way, the ones keeping you from crashing, your direct and only link to the rest of the team connecting you to the mechanics and the pit wall, the person telling you the strategy, like. it's not the norm, but it is also not entirely uncommon for when a driver switches teams to literally take their engineer with them. that's how instrumental they are to a driver's race, and it takes a lot of time to build up that trust and rapport. mclaren has a separate underlying issue where lando for some odd reason has three different race engineers that just switch out between weekends and it's SO ODD but that's a whole different story. point is this - a driver's race engineer messing up and giving out of date/incorrect information to them by accident is one thing, but a driver's race engineer guilt tripping and straight up lying to their face is another, and it is a hugeeeee no no. will joseph did that to lando, and now that trust might be completely broken. as one driver to another, oscar knows exactly how big of a deal this was. it's something he never expected from them.

at the very end after oscar realizes what exactly happened during the race and watches the compilation video and realizes despite everything lando is still so so genuinely proud of him for winning, he feels so many mixed and indistinguishable emotions that he's just kind of in shock for lack of a better word, which is why it kind of just... ends like that. sorry guys, it's going to take him another few hours to work through that one as well.

and again, the eyes. the entire point of this fic is centered around lando's eyes and how he expresses his emotions through them, and how oscar is so used to looking at them to tell how lando is feeling, so that's why he's always so desperate to actually be able to see his eyes. lando is genuinely happy for oscar winning, but it's incredibly bittersweet (and I explain more why in section 4). the pit in oscar's stomach starts out as dread, that lando's pissed and won't continue to be on good terms with him, it fluctuates up and down whenever he thinks lando is happy for him or mad at him, and gnaws away at him for the rest of the fic before eventually settling on a combination of fear that their relationship will never be the same again and guilt that although what happened was something he couldn't control and wasn't even aware about until much later, it still happened, and despite it all lando still looks at him with the kindest eyes. it's sickening to think about.

4)

some things I didn't get to add into the fic because one, I couldn't figure out where to fit them, and/or two, my wrists are close to giving up and I need to clock out for the day. I have just used up all my writing inspiration for the next year.

anyways, part of the original reason why I wrote this in the first place was because I was reading some other new landoscar fics about what happened and (absolutely no shade to them!!!!! I want to stress) I didn't agree with some of the ways they portrayed lando or oscar. ultimately, they're both f1 drivers. they're both selfish, they wouldn't be on the grid if they weren't. lando didn't want to give up the position because he's selfish and is desperate for that second win. oscar wanted him to because this is the strategy they agreed on earlier that day and he also wants that first win, even though TECHNICALLY prioritizing the driver ahead in wdc rankings wouldn't necessarily be a wrong call. they're each other's closest competitors, all they have as an equal comparison is each other, and they know it. lando has his pride as someone older, more experienced, who has been with the team a much longer time than oscar has. he had to wait more than five years for his first win. oscar gets one almost dropped in his lap just a year and a half into his career when he didn't have to stick with a singular team through all their trials and tribulations, when he wasn't lugging a glorified shoebox into the points for all of 4 years amidst criticism of renewing with the same team again? it's not fair. oscar plays the team game because he's biding his time, he is intimately aware of his position in the team as the second driver, but he lucked out to be at a mclaren because it's currently the only front running team that acts like it's still in the midfield and prioritizes "being fair" over a championship. he knows if he follows the rules normally he can capitalize on them being "fair" again and he'll have a chance to prioritize himself. both of them know this and if there's an opportunity to win, no matter the situation, they'll capitalize it. it's not actually really fair to either of them, but that's the nature of f1, and no one should be blaming either of them for their line of thinking.

got a little away from me there again, but you get the point. neither of them really blame each other for acting the way they did in hungary, but at the same time both of them blame each other for not acting better, if that makes sense. oscar is not going to apologize for asking for team orders to be honored. lando is not going to apologize for waiting until the last possible minute to let him through. oscar was going to do anything for the race win. lando needed to prove his point. in f1, this is how it works. both of them are warring with emotions of happiness, guilt, pride, etc. and it just turns into a mess.

oscar is thrilled by his first win, but it's tainted by shame of the way he had to win it, how he wasn't really good or fast enough for it, and guilt of making lando give up the lead. lando is pissed that he lost out on yet another race win, genuine happiness at seeing oscar succeed, and crushed pride of being treated like a second driver and berated on live tv because of this so called fairness. still, deep inside, lando wishes he could have ignored that strategy call until the very end and just took the win. still, oscar does not regret winning this race, no matter how it ended up happening or what anyone else had to do.

there's also the whole thing about lando starting his interviews off with "the team messed up" and somehow progressing into "I didn't deserve to win", missing scenes from media pen interviews, the press conference, etc, how he blamed himself for his bad start while nico rosberg the man himself was like lol no that was not your fault??? and chewed andrea Stella out on live tv, backstory on mark's one sided beef with lando, events after oscar's immediate reaction when he realizes the truth and how he would war with himself but still end up being selfish and glad he won and feeling even more guilty about it, the tense team debrief, lando being miserable, the subdued meal with the rest of the team after lando hightailed it out of there at the earliest possible opportunity, oscar's lonely plane ride home, the possible dinner with mark, eventual confrontation or closure ("you never did answer nico properly back there, did you doubt I'd give the position back?"), and so many others... but I never planned on including a lando pov in the first place which a lot of these scenes wouldn't work without, and also oh my god my wrists.

I wish I could have included all of this in the fic somewhere, but disjointing rambling on tumblr will have to do instead.

5)

lastly, and I promise this is the very last section, I tried my best to stay as close to actual events possible for a lot of televised scenes, but f1 broadcasts are notoriously stingy with letting people rewatch things that didn't happen in the race itself, especially since I. do not pay to watch this stuff lol. so I had to scour social media and youtube for clips of lando's radio messages, the post-race interviews with nico, what happened in the cooldown room and on the podium (rip lando he's being torn to shreds right now but it's ok I support his rights and wrongs), etc etc etc

there are still some things I'm not too sure about (i.e. the order of events, some quotes, non-televised events) so I took a bit of creative liberty regarding those. I'm pretty??? sure??? it went both park in parc ferme > lando congratulates oscar while he's still in the car > lando doesn't go to the team while oscar goes to them > both get weighed > both do the outdoor interview for podium finishers with nico (in finish order so oscar, lando (paraphrased), and lewis (not pictured but just imagine him flirting with nico and that's basically what happened)) > cooldown room > podium > media pen interviews (not pictured because at this point I just wanted it all to be over and I didn't watch them anyways) > press conference (also not pictured for the same reason) > go back to drivers rooms and clean up > team debrief (also not pictured partially for the same reason and partially because what I had was already a decent stopping point)

so again for all of this I tried to base it on real footage as much as possible. it basically matches every single move for move from the beginning until the interviews with nico (the question nico asked and oscar's response are both real quotes, lando and oscar's little interaction at the tables afterwards is partially real but the dialogue was written by me because I couldn't hear what they were saying). the cooldown room scene was my own little fix-it for lando because god he stresses me out sometimes (lovingly) but the overall events written did happen.

the podium is more accurate to what actually happened. randy was actually up there, god forbid, but the broadcast angle gets really awkward and crops lando out of a lot of the celebrations because he goes into the corner, so I'd say it's almostttt move for move again.

for the driver room scene, the social media admin is literally only there because I needed to fit in the part where oscar just lovingly gazes at his trophy and soaks it in a little (this also did happen check mclaren social media) and for that I needed for one, the trophy to get to him somehow, and two, someone filming him while he's making his trademark heart eyes at a lump of ceramic. everything after that is obviously events I came up with. there's no one video I referenced for lando's radio messages but they're all real quotes and you can find them... multiple places online. the second video that oscar watches is completely made up, but it also probably exists somewhere. those two can't exactly take their eyes off each other.

aaaand I think that's it! honestly, this is just all rambling that couldn't fit within the character limit in the fic end notes, and like I stated above, won't make sense unless you read it. if you got this far thank you so much and also I'm so sorry for subjecting you to this. let me know what you think about the fic itself by commenting there or about these notes by replying here or sending an ask... at your earliest convenience! (hah.)

[shadowuserannie]

Demigod Mercenary?

im so sorry i haven't sent an ask sooner i didn't see the notif

go read what's already published here

done? Yay! :D

(below spoilery info is not going to make sense otherwise)

By accident, I've had to give personalities and backstories to extremely minor characters that show up in The Hidden Oracle, because they appear in Demigod Mercenary and while Aiden is far more eager to leave compared to Apollo, he doesn't have the barrier of "literal god" and, unlike Apollo, is actually 16/17. Which means he bonds easier with the filler.

Alice and Julia: the two were more or less interchangeable as filler Hermes characters in THO. When Aiden first meets them, I do something similar, then over time there's a slight difference in their way of speaking. The two girls are trying to be the new Stolls, so they're attempting to be hyper-similar but eventually some differences bleed through.

Alice; (16/17 years old) curses more, quicker to anger, can hold a decent grudge. Her upset attitude towards people (Aiden) leaving is due to an abandonment in the past. Came to camp while it was still recovering after the Second Titanomachy, a few weeks before Julia. [Not fully confirmed: accidentally wrote a piece of dialogue too Singaporean and am now internally screaming as to whether I should. make her from there.]

Julia; she's the "nicer" one, lets go of grudges more easily and smooths out Alice's rough edges (PLATONICALLY. THEY'RE HALF-SISTERS.) in which she's...the one who runs interference when Alice is pissed off. Not a pushover by any means, just more accepting in general. Came to camp just a week before the Lost Trio, meaning mere days before Percy disappearance and everything going to shit. She's...well...think anger vs silence when it comes to trauma.

Damien White; (16/17) came to camp in February of the Second Gigantomachy year. I tried to fit him in as having been at camp a reasonable amount of time, since DemiMerc actually takes place fall-ish of the Second Gigantomachy year, a few months after the war. Damien wasn't at the counsellors meeting in TLH, though, which ruled him out for arriving around the same time as Alice and Julia.

SPOILERS :DDD

So Damien's going to be Aiden's half brother, and that meant I had to improve on his canon personality. Damien is someone who feels very strongly and is very passionate, but has to step into a role where he's got to teach Aiden about Nemesis' powers. I also wanted to explore more of his antagonistic relationship with Chiara...which accidentally spiraled into a separate thing...because GODS

That's all! Bonus character that will make an appearance? *drumrolls* Hestia! Aiden assumes she's more than a background character and is fully ready to attack her!

bonus BONUS excerpt;

He spotted Kayla a mile away and weaved into the Greek Omega-style formation of the cabins, between a poorly painted warpaint red cabin and another one covered in flora. Aiden paused before taking another step to glance over the ground. There’s the land mines! Finally something like a camp.

He stepped easily between them and hid in the shadows of the red cabin, glancing out over at Kayla. She was hidden behind one of two posts of a rickety wooden cabin, which…Aiden squinted at the number. That looked like 11. Hermes, then.

Time to go check somewhere else while waiting for her to leave. Aiden pursed his lips. But where?

Abruptly, the little girl flashed to the forefront of his mind. She hadn’t been at either night’s campfire, but he’d seen her stoking the flames while on his tour and during his first escape attempt. Was she a demigod, related to fire perhaps? Everyone seemed to ignore her, or look past her, which rang a small alarm bell in Aiden’s head. There were so many possible threats here, and one everyone thought nothing of? Could be deadly.

Amphitheatre it was.