#also its not about that but like if you wanna go there lori deserves to be insulted she was a horrible person <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[akajustmerry]

fucking screenrant..................the misogynoir! the lack of media literacy! kill yourself, kyle!!!

[notjosieyouremy]

every edsheeran book ive ever read and what i thought

*reblog without tags please

update #1: i just finished reading Letting An@ Go by anonymous. the teenage drama and romance is gross and annoying. the protagonist has a lot of strong opinions about peoples weight, especially her mother’s, which is very triggering. plenty of m3an $pO if that’s your thing. rampant fatphobia. i give it 3 out of 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

5 star tier ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• hunger: a memoir of (my) body by roxane gay. one of the best edsheeran books ive read. it’s about sa, food addiction, boolimia, feminism, fatphobia, the struggles of just trying to exist black woman in a large body. would recommend

• i’m glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy. it’s so good. i think i finished it in a day. it’s about a lot more than edsheeran. highly recommend. go read it right now

• unbearable lightness: a story of loss and gain by portia de rossi. a gay actor’s struggles with edsheeran. one of the few i’ve read more than once. would recommend

• wasted: a memoir of an0rex!a and boolimia by marya hornbacher. really deserves to be in a class of its own. it’s the best written edsheeran book out there. it’s sad, hilarious, intelligent, perfectly captures the internal voice of mania. highly tr!ggering, so proceed with caution. after wasted was published she relapsed, which she speaks about in madness: a bipolar life. it’s also a very good book but edsheeran is not the focus

4 star tier ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• insatiable: a young mother’s struggle with an0rexia by erica rivera. if you wanna read about someone who takes fistfuls of bisacodyl and exercises intensely, you might like this book. it’s very good. would recommend

• dying to be th!n by nikki grahame. imagine being so severely malnourished as a child that you never go through puberty. thats how serious her illness was. she basically grew up in treatment facilities, managed to recover against all odds, went on big brother (the reality show), published a book, relapsed, and tragically passed away in 2021. the covid lockdowns were hard on her mental health. would recommend

• the girls at 17 swann street by yara zgheib. semi-autobiographical work of fiction. what sets this one apart is the protagonist isn’t a teenage girl. she’s, like, 28 i think? something like that. would definitely recommend if you get tired of reading about teens and preteens all the time

• elena vanishing by elena dunkle. at a certain point, all these books can be summarized in one sentence: she had to choose between recovery or death. it’s a very good memoir. would recommend

• born round: the secret history of a full-time eater by frank bruni. we love to see male representation in the edsheeran community. he was a chubby kid, turned to unhealthy means to achieve we!ght loss, eventually learns to heal his relationship with food and becomes restaurant critic for the new york times (ever heard of it?). would recommend

• sure, i’ll join your cult: a memoir of mental illness and the quest to belong anywhere by maria bamford. if you don’t know who maria bamford is, she’s one of the best stand up comics, period. that’s not even my opinion, it’s just an agreed upon fact within the stand up community. she’s brilliant. the book is about her mental illnesses and all the different self help groups she joins (so many!). she does go into her struggle with exercise boolimia, though that’s not the primary subject. it gets 5 stars as a book, but 4 stars as an edsheeran book because there just isn’t a lot of dis0rder talk

3 star and below ⭐️⭐️⭐️

• stick figure: a diary of my former self by lori gottlieb. good but i had trouble relating to the protagonist because was quite young and immature

• the art of st4rving by sam j. miller. some much needed male representation in edsheeran literature. and some lgbtq representation. it’s YA (young adult) fiction, not really my taste. would recommend for those who like YA. great cover art!

• wintergirls by laurie halse anderson. a lot of people love this book. i thought it was ok. it’s a work of fiction by an author who isn’t really part of the edsheeran or recovery community. it’s another YA book. i will always prefer memoirs and non-fiction

• fat chance by lesléa newman. this was the first edsheeran book i read. it was assigned reading for my high school health class. it’s a YA novel about a 13 year old girl who wants to lose we!ght. she re$tricts, she b;nges, she poorges, she becomes boolimic. i can trace my edsheeran back to this book. i started d;eting, b;ngeing, and abusing lax4tives as a direct result of reading this material. it did the exact opposite of its purpose, trying to steer young people away from toxic d!et culture. my take away was, i’m overweight, therefore i should be willing to do anything to get th!nner. it’s not very good tbh. maybe if you like YA you’d like it but otherwise, would not recommend

[rotisseries]

mason holds liam up as they walk out to thr parking lot and he says " know what you were doing." and liam said "trying not to shift." and mason shakes his head and sets liam down on the hood of a car and says "no you took that beating because you think you deserve it because of what happened to brett and lori." ans liam said "maybe i do." "you took a beating, but you didnt deserve that." "look i know i didnt kill them. a hunter did. and she has a name." "yeah and shes got new recruits too. see nolans not the only one you gotta worry about now" "you mean like gabe" "no i mean like everyone. nolan didnt just want you to shift in front of everyone to show them that youre a werewolf, he wanted to show everything that you're the enemy." and jt kinda dawns on liam : "......that we should be hunted." and the next episode opens up with more THEO. they have to open with theo everyone loves him (me its me i love him) and him and two other werewolves are tied up to this fence with zipties and are being electrocuted. electricity is a common torture method for werewolves in teen wolf btw. and the ppl beside theo are like "im not gonna tell you anything." and the hunter is like "i dont reallt have any questions" and electrocutes him and then goes to the other werewolf and says "i dont have any questions for you eitherrr" and electrocutes her and she says "good" and gets electrocuted. and then says "we're not afraid to die." and the hunter says "does that go for everyone here?" and theo is like "not me🙌🏼🙌🏼 no death. no pain. ill tell you anything you want to know." he said fuck all that idc . what you wanna know?😭 . he gets electrocuted anyway. then the hunter gets in his face like "i dont Have any questions." and theo's like "okay.. maybe you have some unfinished business with THESE two losers, but im not with them. i i dont know who they are or what they did or what their problem is. im not a part of it." the hunter then splashes cold water on all of them (it was clear they were splashed before cuz they were soaked before that.) and theo says "that wasnt friendly." and then the hunter starts teasing them with the button on the electric fence and the girl says "JUST DO IT" and now i will take the time to tell you that beacon hills has a mental health hospital called eichen house . its basically an old school batman arkham asylum, it houses a lot of supernatural in there, lydia was in there at one point. anyway the hunter thats doing all this used to work there and he killed some inpatients and abused them. when he was a nurse for lydia he made her listen to her dead grandmother , and also was. kinda getting off on sticking her with a needle, hes fucking creepying. anyway theo will mention that. and also he zaps them all on the electric fence.

an entire ask dedicated to liam's self worth issues and theo getting electroshock therapy this is so sweet

[theteasetwrites]

What Gets Us Through

❧ Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader ❧ Era: between Seasons 2 and 3 (after farm, before prison) ❧ Pronouns: not specified ❧ Warnings: mild swearing ❧ Word Count: 3.6k

❧ Prompts from this list

❧ Summary: It's Christmas, not that anyone cares anymore. Still, hard times have befallen your group, and you and Glenn figure it's a good time to try to lighten the mood a bit. You enlist the help of Daryl to gather some presents, but he's not too excited.

❧ A/N: Christmas apparently brings out the cheesiness in me (which isn't hard because I am made of cheese). I just love giving Daryl the Christmas he deserves, even in the middle of an apocalypse. Also, I looked up mistletoe to get a good idea of what it looks like, turns out the white berries symbolize male fertility... I'm just putting that out there.

Another near-freezing night out on the road. Every house for miles had been scavenged and now swarmed with walkers, so your group was forced to rough it out in the open again.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t so cold. The only thing keeping you all alive was the surplus of blankets and winter clothing you’d scavenged. Even then, everyone was getting sick. It was a staggering sickness, with each person getting ill at different times, but it was almost worse than if you had gotten it all at the same time.

Now the communal cold was making its rounds with Rick, your leader, which didn’t bode well.

To make matters worse, Lori was pregnant, and it was only a matter of time before she got sick too.

For the first time in months, you were actually worried about dying from natural causes rather than a walker bite.

Still, every possible threat to your group’s survival was weighing on everyone’s minds, so much so that spirits had diminished far beyond what you even thought possible.

No one spoke to each other anymore, unless it was to discuss the next move, and you hadn’t seen anyone smile in weeks.

Even you were struggling to keep hope alive, which was saying something, since you usually had such a bouncy, upbeat demeanor about you. It was what kept everyone’s spirits up before the cold came.

Now, even your spirit had frozen over, and you were honestly terrified of whatever calamity the universe would throw at you and your companions next.

One small sparkle of joy you still had came in the form of Glenn, whose spirits never dampened throughout the frigid Georgia winter.

That night, he sat beside you, your elbows propped up on your knees and your hands cradling your face as you watched the embers of the dying fire float like fireflies into the crisp night air.

Everyone else was asleep, except Daryl and T-Dog, who were on night watch, so Glenn was exceptionally quiet when he asked you what had been on his mind for a while.

“So,” he said, twiddling his thumbs nervously, “did you celebrate Christmas? When everything was normal?”

You raised your head to look at him, using all the energy still in your tired body. “What?”

“You know, did you do presents and stuff?”

“Um, yeah… yeah, I did. Why?”

“Well, I was thinking… everyone’s been pretty down lately, and you always liked to cheer everyone up… what if… what if we do a little run tomorrow? We can look for supplies, but maybe get one thing for everyone, as a Christmas present?”

You let out a small chuckle, the first one in months. You could hardly even believe the sound coming from your body. “You wanna go Christmas shopping? I don’t know…”

Glenn leaned towards you, as if his proximity would prove to you just how serious he was about this. “(Y/N), this could be what gets us through the winter. With Rick sick, Lori pregnant, and everyone just… surviving… we could give each other something good, something human. It doesn’t have to be big, just… something.”

Damn his infectious optimism. You were just about ready to give up, to let the icy fingers of death coil around you and use you as fertilizer in these deep, dark woods, but Glenn always had a habit of bringing you back to the person you used to be.

“Do you have a plan?” you asked.

Glenn sighed. “Not really. I mean, there’s that shopping center that we passed earlier. It didn’t seem to be overrun just from the outside. We could try that, they had a grocery store too, and a pharmacy.”

“Okay… and, just you and me are doing this?”

Glenn’s eyes widened. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He knew he wanted you to go with him, since you would be the most likely candidate to want to do it, but neither of you were the best fighters in the group. Glenn was the fastest, and therefore the best at doing supply runs, but he hadn’t quite honed his fighting skills yet.

If you had to suss out the best walker killers in the group, they were probably Rick, T-Dog, and Daryl.

Rick was out of commission, given the fact that he couldn’t speak without coughing something up, and T-Dog was beginning to come down with something too.

That left Daryl, and you both knew he wasn’t the kind of person to go on such a seemingly frivolous mission.

“Maybe we could ask him to go with us.” Glenn nudged his head in Daryl’s direction. You followed his gaze to find the archer pacing back and forth on the outskirts of your small camp, keeping his eyes peeled towards the trees and wielding his crossbow like it weighed nothing at all.

“Pfft,” you scoffed. “I don’t think he’s ever given anyone a Christmas present in his life. Forget about it.”

“(Y/N),” he said, placing his hand over your forearm, “we need this. Please, can you ask him? He might be more… open to it if you do it.”

You rolled your eyes. Ever since you helped doctor Daryl after his accident at the farm, the whole group seemed to have this idea that there was something going on between the two of you, and you received your fair share of wise-ass comments about it.

Of course, there wasn’t anything going on in terms of romance. There wasn’t any time for that, and you didn’t think he would give you the time of day. Even when you sat by him for hours, tending to his wounds and making sure he was comfortable, the man had an attitude with you, as if he thought you pitied him or something.

“I’ll ask,” you said, “but no promises.” You rose to your feet, then turned back to face Glenn. “And I don’t want to hear any jokes about it.”

“No promises,” Glenn replied, repeating your own words.

You almost managed a smile before buttoning your coat against the cold and trudging slowly over to Daryl, whose back was turned to you. You knew you had to be extra careful since the last time you snuck up on him you ended up with an arrow pointed straight at your forehead.

“Hi, Daryl,” you said quietly as you approached, now just a handful of feet away. He turned to look at you, confused by your sudden appearance at such a late hour, when everyone was supposed to be sleeping (not that anyone really slept that much anyway). “Can I talk to you?”

The tone of your voice sounded much more ominous and solemn than you meant it to, but your voice always sounded like that these days.

He nodded, still a bit wary of your intentions. “Everythin’ okay?” he asked. There was a hint of concern in his voice that almost warmed your heart. Though he was often cold, you knew he cared about everyone in your group, which was one thing you could respect.

“Fine,” you replied. “Well, as fine as it can be…” You both stood there for a few moments, Daryl looking down at his feet as he kicked some dirt and rocks absentmindedly, or perhaps he had much more on his mind, it was hard to tell.

“Um, Glenn and I were just talking,” you began to say, “and we thought it might be nice if we, um, went out on a run tomorrow. The three of us.”

Daryl was visibly taken aback. He never heard the word “nice” used to describe a supply run. “You wanna go on a run?”

“Mhm,” you said with a nod. “Well, if you want to.”

“What we gettin’?”

You gulped. “Um… Christmas presents.”

The corner of his lip quirked up as he chuckled softly. “You shittin’ me?”

You shook your head. “No. Glenn thought it would be nice to do something to keep everyone’s spirits up, and I’m inclined to agree with him. It’s probably about December… so why not?”

“Why not?” Daryl asked derisively. “‘Cause it’s stupid, that’s why not.” You didn’t think he’d be so harsh, but then again, Daryl could be that way. It didn’t change the fact that it formed a pit in the bottom of your stomach, and a rather stubborn lump in your throat. “I ain’t participatin’ in your little Christmas party so ask someone else.” He waved his hand at you, as if commanding you to leave him alone.

You crossed your arms and swallowed hard in an attempt to appear stoic, though you just wanted to cry. “I’m not taking no for an answer. I know you care about this group and this could be the difference between life or death, just having something to remind us of who we are, what we have to live for. Can’t you suck it up and help us?”

Daryl stepped closer to you, breathing heavily to the point that you could feel the heat of his breath on your face. “Why you askin’ me anyway? Think I owe you or somethin’?”

You were taken aback. “Owe me? Owe me for what?”

He shook his head. “You know. Ain’t gotta explain it.”

You looked past his shoulder as you tried to figure out what he meant. You sighed when you did.

“For fixing you up back at the farm? Daryl, I did that because you’re my friend, and because you were hurt. I didn’t do it to hold it over your head. Believe it or not, I did it because I like you, so stop being such an asshole to me. You never even said thank you, and that’s all I really want, if anything at all.”

True, he hadn’t thanked you. He didn’t even realize it until after he was healed, and after that he just didn’t know how to bring it up to you without making it seem like he thought about it as much as he did. In reality, the fact that you cared about him that much was something he dwelled on almost everyday since. He couldn’t quite understand why you would do that, but now that he was hearing the reason directly from your mouth, he couldn’t understand it even more.

You? Liking him? All his life, people either tolerated, ignored, or actively disliked Daryl. He was sure even his own brother kept him around just so he could use him in his schemes.

“Now will you help us with this or what?” you asked pointedly.

You weren’t lying when you said you wouldn’t take no for an answer. The more you spoke about this, the more impassioned you became. This was something you needed to do now.

Daryl was silent for a few moments, studying your face as you awaited his answer. He hated to admit it, but there was something endearing about your desire to do something like this for the group. Though he couldn’t even begin to understand the appeal of Christmas, he understood that sometimes all a person needed to keep them going was a little sign of caring.

He shook his head. “Wakin’ you idiots up early tomorrow,” he said. “Be ready to go.”

The morning came and Glenn took the liberty of informing Rick of the run. He suggested taking another person, but Glenn wanted to keep the whole thing on the downlow, to preserve the element of surprise and all that.

As Glenn said, the shopping center was pretty clear. The handful of walkers that were ambling around were easy to dispose of, and having Daryl around certainly helped, since he had the advantage of a quiet long-range weapon, and you weren’t about to risk gunshots attracting more walkers to the place.

With the place all clear, Daryl smashed the glass of the door to the first stop—a toy shop.

Though Carl was a little too old for most of the toys they sold, you found a very cool yo-yo that seemed like the perfect gift for him to take on the road and keep his mind occupied.

For Lori, you ventured into the baby store to pick up a set of clothes for the baby to wear.

Glenn picked out Maggie’s gift—an artisan beaded necklace that he thought would look nice on her, and not be too impractical for the lifestyle you were all living.

You also found a journal for Beth, a new pair of shoes for T-Dog, a pocket guide to medicinal herbs for Hershel, a cashmere sweater for Carol, and a very fancy utility belt for Rick.

In secret, you picked out a Polaroid camera for Glenn, who had informed you that he once dabbled in photography before the end of the world.

Now, there was still one person you hadn’t picked anything out for, and that was Daryl.

“What do you want for Christmas, Daryl?” you asked him in the pharmacy, where he was dumping the contents of the shelves in the medicine aisle into his bag.

“Nothin’.”

That answer didn’t satisfy you. If everyone else was getting a gift, you were going to be sure he got one too, whether he liked it or not.

“Well, I’m going to bring something back for you.”

What that something was you were completely unsure of. Daryl was the hardest person to read, and even harder to tell when he liked something. You tried to watch his reactions throughout the run, to see if he set his sights on anything he liked, but he was stone-faced the whole time.

So, you asked Glenn on the other side of the pharmacy. “Hey,” you said to him quietly so as not to alert Daryl, “what should I get for Daryl?”

Glenn looked at you like you were insane. “Dude, nothing. The guy’s already pissed at us for bringing him along in the first place. You don’t wanna make it worse.”

You sighed. “I don’t care, he’ll get over it. As much as he gets under my skin, he deserves something just like everyone else.”

So you thought for a while about what to get him, taking into consideration his interests and personality. Daryl was an outdoorsy type, so you started there.

Barging into a nearby antique store, and taking out a few dusty looking walkers, you stumbled upon something you thought would be both practical and would bring Daryl joy: a compass.

This compass was old (it was, after all, in an antique store), but it had character. The brass casing was scratched up and had been well-loved, but the tag said, “It works!” so you didn’t hesitate to pocket it.

You knew Daryl probably didn’t need a compass, that he must’ve somehow been able to tell east from west just by sticking his finger up in the air, but you kept repeating that old adage, “It’s the thought that counts.”

That evening was to be the gift exchange, or rather, the gift giving, since you didn’t expect anyone else to have gifts for you.

To yours and Glenn’s deepest joy, everyone seemed pleased with their gifts, and there were smiles on their faces that you hadn’t seen since before you lost the farm.

It was still so very cold that night, but the warmth of the friendship and family between everyone was enough to keep the fire going until daybreak.

The run wasn’t a total waste, either. The three of you brought back plenty of food, water, and medicine to last for a week or two with rationing, and that was a Christmas miracle in and of itself.

Glenn even gave you your own gift, a specialized stone for sharpening your knife (since you always complained about how long it took to do it with river rocks).

Daryl seemed a bit more peppy, too. You hadn’t given him his gift yet, mostly because you were a little afraid that he’d be offended, but by the end of the night, when everyone settled into bed, you decided to join him on his watch to give it to him.

“I think that went well,” you said as you approached him from behind, sitting beside him on the small dirt hill he was perched on.

He turned to face you and nodded. “Guess so. Everyone seemed… happier.”

You smiled at his admission. You couldn’t help but feel like you had won for the first time in a very long time. “I agree. It’s amazing how much a little gift can do.”

There was silence again, except for the crackling of the fire in the distance and the chirping of crickets nearby. You swore you heard Daryl take a deep, quivering breath before speaking.

“I got ya a gift.”

Your eyes widened and your back straightened in surprise, then you realized he must’ve been messing with you. “Ha ha, very funny.”

“Ain’t jokin’,” he said softly.

Reaching into his back pocket, you watched as he pulled out a small golden broach in the shape of a rose, with studs of pink jewels embedded in the petals.

“Ain’t much,” he said with a shrug as he handed it to you, “but I thought ya might like it.”

You took the dainty ornament in your hand and twirled it around between your fingers. It coincidentally reminded you of something your grandmother used to wear, and that was enough to bring tears to your eyes, combined with the simple fact that Daryl gave you something.

“Oh, it’s so pretty,” you said. “Thank you, Daryl. I love it.”

You pinned the broach to your lapel with a smile. “How’s it look?” you asked, tossing your hair back to give him a view of the shiny pin.

He smiled ever so slightly. “Looks good on ya… and uh… I just wanted to say thank you, too. For helpin’ me at the farm… and sorry for bein’ a shithead.”

Your lips curved into the grandest smile you’d given anyone in a long time. “You’re welcome,” you said shakily, rubbing your eyes to wipe away the happy tears. “I’d do it again, you know. If you were hurt. Even if you’re a shithead.”

He scoffed. “Gonna have to fall again,” he said. “Put ya to the test.”

That reminded you, you still had Daryl’s gift in your jacket pocket.

“Well, maybe with this you won’t fall so much.”

You fished through your pocket to pull out the brass compass and display it on your palm before Daryl, whose lips separated ever so slightly in awe.

“That’s for me?” he asked.

You laughed. “No, it’s for that guy over there.” You pointed off into the dark, empty distance, and Daryl didn’t take his eyes off that glistening circle in your hand.

He carefully took it from you, pressing the push-button to spring the lid off of the glass body.

“I mean, I know you probably don’t need it, but it reminded me of you, and I thought it was kind of cool looking,” you said, hoping he didn’t hate it.

He lifted his eyes to meet yours. They were wide, like a child receiving his very first Christmas present.

Little did you know, it was.

“Thanks,” he said. “Uh, no one’s ever… no one’s ever given me anythin’.”

He didn’t quite mean to say that, but it felt right, it felt like he could admit that to you.

You slumped your shoulders in an expression of sympathy for him. “Don’t mention it.” You tentatively rested a hand upon his shoulder, to which he looked back up at you from his compass, a little tense but curious at your action nonetheless. “I just wanted to give you something… to help get you through.”

He nodded. It couldn’t have been more clear to him now, the hope this little contraption gave to him, despite it being such an inconsequential thing. If he had found it on his own, it wouldn’t have had the same effect, but the fact that it came from you, that it made you think of him, that you wanted to give him that tiny last bit of hope that there was something out there for him, for you, for everyone… it meant the whole world.

“It will,” he said.

Suddenly, an owl passed over your heads, a barn owl by the looks of its flat, white face and its gilded wings.

It perched itself in the tree hovering above you, rustling the leaves and knocking a few from their branches.

Just then, a bushy clump of green tendrils and elongated leaves landed atop Daryl’s head, getting tangled in his hair.

You covered your mouth, trying, and failing, not to laugh at the large foliage now resting on his head like a crown.

He couldn’t help but smirk a little at his predicament, but you quickly reached over to help him untangle his hair from the unruly plant.

“Here,” you said, picking out some leaves that refused to be evicted from the residence of Daryl’s hair.

Shaking your head as you rested the bush in your lap, you looked down to inspect Daryl’s attacker. The moment you laid eyes on those creamy white berries, and those familiar oblong leaves, you knew what it was.

“Oh,” you said in a sing-song voice, “mistletoe.”

Hedging your bets, you looked up to meet Daryl’s eyes, which seemed much more inviting than usual.

That small kiss you bestowed upon his warm cheek was by far your favorite gift of the night, and his too.

“Merry Christmas, Daryl.”

~

Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are always appreciated!

[shimmershae]

The more I think about it, the more “Find Me” feels like an echo of “Ghosts.”

Allow me to explain.  In probably the most rambling and incoherent way possible, lol.  My earlier post on Twitter about Season 10 being an exercise in grief and longing really got me to thinking.  Not just thinking.  Ruminating.  

Anywho.  

Posting the rest of this beneath a cut because nobody asked for this (I swear I haven’t imbibed or ingested any illegal substances).  

It doesn’t take long for Carol to be established as an unreliable narrator in “Ghosts.”  At first it isn’t completely obvious because there’s just enough fact in the fiction that Carol’s triggered brain stirs up.  Daryl’s there and he’s concerned about her.  He’s supportive.  Both things he’d been before, especially since Henry’s death, but there are just enough elements in those chemically and grief induced hallucinations of hers that make you go--oh wait a minute.  Like she’s having a break from reality but she’s desperately grasping for that which grounds her and that’s Daryl.  

Am I making any sense here?  I feel like I’m not.  

Let me approach this from another angle.  

Following the airing of “Find Me” various people mentioned that Daryl, similarly to Carol in “Ghosts” wasn’t exactly the most reliable narrator.  That things weren’t necessarily as they seemed.  The word toxic was bandied about but other than Leah giving Daryl an ultimatum to choose her over his family and Daryl dwelling in deep, longstanding depression?  There wasn’t much else overtly deserving of that moniker. 

Argh.  I’m still not explaining myself well.  Let me just jump right in the deep end of probable delusion here.  Sometimes it’s fun to splash around, lol.   

Wouldn’t it be wild—sad AF but still wild—if Leah was already dead when Daryl met her?  

Bear with me here.   

Like Carol in “Ghosts” Daryl is obviously struggling.  He’s grief-stricken.  His brother is lost to him and after he betrayed him no less.  His close friend is mired in her own grief--she’s just lost her mate, probably recently discovered she was carrying RJ, and it wasn’t too long before that they had all lost Carl.  And that’s not even considering Carol, who’s allowed herself to be pulled away, lured by the tantalizing chance of doing things right this time.  Of rearing a child capable of surviving in the harsh world they live in.  Another thing to remember is Daryl is not that far removed from his torture at Negan’s hands.  So he’s more fragile than he’d willingly admit to anyone.  

He’s searching the woods for a man that isn’t there.  Now he’s no more aware that Rick was taken than the rest of Team Family, but he’s unwilling to give up hope and so he searches and because Rick’s not there and hasn’t been since shortly after that bridge blew up, Daryl’s doomed to always come up empty.  To always feel disappointment.  To never have his grief assuaged because as long as there’s no body in the form of a Walker, there’s still hope.  Or plausible denial.  Take your pick.  

He’s tireless in his search.  He’s methodical.  He plots out the places he’s already scoured on a hand-drawn map.  A map that just so happens to get ruined by an awful storm and Daryl seems to reach his breaking point, screaming out into the roar of that storm.  Walking through the barrage, the harsh rain and the violent lightning, unconcerned for his safety.  

Dude has a bit of a mental break.  He’s undeniably emotional.  

It’s not long after that he stumbles upon Dog.  Or, more aptly, Dog stumbles upon him.  

That puppy immediately lightens Daryl’s heavy heart and helping it find its way home gives him purpose.  He’s a tracker after all.  He could have easily traced Dog’s steps back to that cabin.  

Funny that Dog was always coming to him.  That he was roaming free in woods that were full of hidden dangers.  

I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll but that cabin looked abandoned when Daryl first discovered it.  Maybe not long abandoned, but it didn’t look inhabited by the living. And that’s the weird thing.  How did that Walker get into the cabin?  Did Leah just leave the door wide open for it?  Did she also leave the door wide open for Dog to escape?  Why was he always such an unaccompanied furry minor? 

The thoughts swirling around in my brain, lovelies.  They’re going to force me to go back and watch that fucking episode again aren’t they?

My point is that Dog essentially leads Daryl to the cabin. The Walker’s inside and then he stumbles upon Leah, who bursts onto the scene like she wants to be Sarah Connor or something. Daryl ends up in restraints and Leah questions him and ultimately lets him go and WTF, lovelies.  Who does that in the ZA?  As a woman all alone in a cabin miles from anybody else, in the company of a man she doesn’t know from Adam?  If ever there’s a time to have stranger danger...

Right from the start, this chick doesn’t really add up.

So Daryl leaves the cabin.  He resumes his search for Rick and he seems to give very little thought to this Leah or the cabin.  Until Dog finds him again.  

Strange isn’t it that he keeps stumbling back in her path around the times that Carol visits, when she draws further and further from his reach and closer to the fairytale he thinks she’s living at the Kingdom?  

Did Daryl ever go to that cabin without following Dog? I can’t remember.  The episode was beautifully shot but ultimately too painful to rewatch for my Caryl loving heart.  

Anywho.  

When Daryl and Carol come upon that cabin in the woods, Daryl’s flashbacks begin.  They’re hazy around the edges and not as clearly defined as the moments he spends with Carol.  Speaking of the moments he spends with Carol, how coincidinky that so many of them echo his moments with Leah?  Or do we have it all backwards?  Hmm?  

Things are so convoluted sometimes on this fucking show it leads one to question their sanity.  

Let me ramble out a few wild thoughts for you lovelies again and you tell me if I’ve completely lost it, lol.  

What if Dog was simply an orphaned, abandoned Dog that found Daryl in the woods?

What if Daryl followed the trail Dog had traveled in reverse and stumbled upon the cabin?  

What if the cabin was abandoned because Leah was already dead?  What if she’d taken her own life?  What if Daryl saw the cross/grave outside and the picture inside and his grief-stricken brain conjured up a whole tragic story for this woman, this Walker roaming around inside this house, and she became his coping mechanism?  You know.  Kind of like Rick did Lori when he had his own break with reality.  They’ve all suffered so much, lovelies.  They’ve all got PTSD.  It’s just manifesting in different ways.  

I mean, all of this would fit the label of sad that NR and others have given this little tale.  It would even fit toxic because Daryl let grief and loneliness swallow him for a while.  

As Carol pulls farther away from him, Leah just keeps popping up more and more.  

Daryl essentially loses himself in his own fairy tale only it’s a nightmare painted in soft colors and Leah asking him to choose is basically his own psyche saying to him “do you wanna live here in this fantasy land and numb your pain or do you want to relive the awful reality of Rick being lost and Carol slowly fading from your life day by day?”  And at first he’s like, you can’t make me make that choice because Daryl doesn’t want to give up hope, no matter how futile it seems.  But then Carol makes what she tells him might be her final visit for a while and anger leads Daryl right back to that fucking cabin and oblivion.  Back to the solitude of his tortured thoughts.  

That note, lovelies.  It felt like by choosing Leah he was choosing a lifetime of being alone more than it did him choosing the hope of a new love.  That “find me” for all the world felt like he was willing hope to find him again.  Hope in the form of love in the form of Carol.  

Listen.  I never said this would make sense, lol.  

When Daryl gets back to that cabin, Leah is gone.  Her picture is gone. 

Truly it felt like she’d never been there.  

Even more so when you consider how run down the cabin looks in present day when Daryl and Carol seek shelter in it.  

I can’t help it.  Some small part of me?  Well, it thinks that Daryl told Carol about Leah (whether she existed or not) as a way to both make her feel better than he wasn’t out there in those woods completely alone and to maybe move the needle a little bit on the nature of their own relationship.  Both in the past and present day.  

And while he and Carol are struggling through the ever-shifting nature of their feelings for each other, Daryl has climbed out of his own darkness and found hope again in Judith and RJ.  In the family he’s embraced again. In the communities.  And he’s angry and unsettled because he wants the same for Carol but she doesn’t seem to want that for herself.  

He still wants her to find hope.  

He still wants her to find him.  

He still wants her to find love and peace.  

Help me, lovelies.  These two have broken me, lol.  I promise.  I’m stone cold sober.  A little, okay a lot, tired.  

Wouldn’t it be wild, though?  If Leah really wasn’t what she seemed?  If she were a figment of a broken, lonely man’s tortured imagination?  

Undeniably sad AF but wild all the same.  

[dyketectivecomics]

what would happen if the nightforce and shadowpact met? Like whod hate or get along with who, what shenanigans would occur? Like what potential dynamics would Occur

Another Long Response, so Under the Cut It Goes! (& apologies if Tunglr fucks up!)

OKAY! so its been a few months since I read Day of Vengeance ofc BUT- iirc, the team by and large got along really well with Lori! I’m sure the Doylist reason for her not joining the team permanently may have been one part her Newness and another part her character being used more sparingly in BoP at around the same time? (I like to think the Watsonian reason tho is Lori deciding “no im evil now >:) hehe” and joining the S6 instead fjdkla i think part of the actual in-universe reason was she was kinda fucked up about the whole thing with eclipso & spectre??? again its been quite sometime since i read it so like. grain of salt on that) ANYWAYS

would LOVE to think that these two teams would crash into one another like this:

Lori revisits the Shadowpact bc Something Something Magic

Lori becomes fast friends with Laura bc Teen Mystics

Laura is introduced to the rest of the NF bc YES! MORE FRIENDS!! HER OWN AGE!!!

Shenanigans Ensue

I did write a snippet abt the Shadowpact Hearing abt Laura hanging out with the NF and i do still Stand by it. BUT... let’s give it just a Smidge More Nuance ye?

From the Shadowpact’s End:

Still Think that Jim would be mainly Distrustful overall of the kids’ intentions but he’d slowly warm up to them as he got to know them! He can’t help his Dad Energy lmao

June would LOVE having more ears to lecture on witchcraft (actually wait..... June leading socratic lessons in witchery with the NF+Laura all together omigod. this is it.. this is exactly what ive been missing fjdkals;a)

Like to think that Rory, Eve, Zauriel & Bobo would be really chill about team-ups & would overall treat the kids the same way that they do Laura, as like, pretty fully formed heroes in their own rights ofc, but still with that Undertone of looking out for them bc They’re Kids 

(I really want Danny & Eddie to go back to being like the Spiderverse Peter B & Miles meme, but they’d probably be a lot more like the Spidermen *pointing @ each other* meme when they see each other again ;-; c’est la vie)

From the Night Force’s End: 

Already talked abt Eddie a little there, but other than maybe having yknow.. TO TALK with Danny, I like to think that he and Rory would get along rlly well after too :D

Raven would latch onto Eve. I can’t fully articulate why I think so fjdka; just vibe with me on that for a moment

its canon that Traci & Bobo have a Back n Forth fjadkl; not gonna change that ye

Zach & Klarion would get on everyone’s nerves but like... Zach’s doing it by accident bc he’s just Like That, and Klari’s purposefully trying to be a Nuisance bc he’s just Like That

Kinda Almost same with Lori, but she gets a free pass with the Shadowpact bc they consider her their Honorary Daughter (Laura is Fully their Collective Daughter tho. jots these things down!)

I’m waffling on if i wanna include Skye or Amy in this run down bc like...  now I’ve been leaning towards leaving Amy on the YJ team and maybe possibly considering dropping Skye since she’s such a one-off but like... idk. they’re both blank slates as far as Interaction With Others go. I’d say they’d just be Agreeable with most everyone fjdkla;

As far as Specific Shenanigans go, I’d love a general crossover with the teams banding together to defeat a Big Bad™, and then some smaller, one-on-one team-ups here n there? Like little groups mix and matching? You can have some of the adults & kids maybe starting prank wars on each other, or pulling pranks together on other mystics who deserve it (*cough* Nabu and Winters *cough*). again, im still vibing REALLY hard with the idea of June taking all of the kids under her wing, and I do kinda maintain that while the JLD might be most ppl’s First instinct to pair the kids up with respective mentors (I know it was certainly mine)... the Shadowpact feels so much more like a family and esp like a team that they’d WANT to team up with and get to know, yknow? 

anyways i think i hit everything? even if the last answer’s kinds vague... actually all of this feels p vague all things considered djkl;afd but also its getting late and i’d really want to like... just straight up write fic abt these two groups hanging out ahhh. talking meta and Potential only goes so far until you want to start like!!! writing it out line by line instead so!!!!! yeah on that note, thanks for coming to my tedtalk \o/

[excusemyobsessions]

Wanna crash at mine tonight?

Christian Yu

Word count: 1550 words

Genre:  Fluff, One Shot, Gender neutral

Little note: Thank you so so much for requesting something for Christian! I love love love this boy. :) Hope you enjoy this!

It had been a rough couple of weeks and the weather was as dark as your mind.

At the beginning of the week it had started to rain. The sun hadn’t been out at all since Monday, not even once. It went from soft drizzling rain to pouring rain in a matter of seconds and you had given up on weather forecasts at this point. Your go to accessory was an umbrella and you couldn’t care less for rings and necklaces at this point.

You had never been as homesick as you were lately. Everything seemed to remind you of home and you found yourself holding back tears at least three times a day. And to make things worse, Christian, the one that always seemed to make you feel better, was extremely busy lately. He had a big project he was working on and his excitement was very clear. It would even be contagious if it weren’t for your current emotional state.

It was Friday, in the middle of the afternoon, when your phone started ringing. It was Christian and he wanted your company for coffee. You gladly accepted, as you weren’t going to lie, you missed his face.

It was during coffee that it happened. Something as simple as the smell of something being prepared at the cafe suddenly hit you like a train, carrying all of these memories of home in its wagons. You felt tears start to form in your eyes and instantly you lifted your hand to try to discreetly shield your eyes from anyone that might look at you, Christian included. Your chest clenched with homesickness while you tried to clear your mind of all the thoughts that threatened to have you cry your eyes out right there, at that exact moment.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Came Christian’s heavy accent from across the table, making you curse mentally at yourself.

“Nothing.” You lied, clearing your throat to make your voice sound clearer.

You kept your eyes on the menu, desperately trying to hide your emotional state from him. You didn’t want him to be concerned. He had way too much to worry about already.

“You’re lying. What’s wrong?” He insisted.

When you lifted your eyes to him, he was slightly leaning over the table, dark eyes widened with concern, desperately trying to read your expression. You instantly felt bad for worrying him.

“Hey, are you crying? Oh god, what happened?” He asked frantically, the sudden vision of your teary eyes making him flustered. He reached for a napkin and handed it to you in the meantime too.

“I just…” You hesitated but his concerned expression made you decide you shouldn’t worry him anymore. No matter how embarrassing it was. “I miss home…” You confessed finally, wiping away the tears that threatened to fall anytime.

His expression changed instantly. His eyes softened with understanding and the corners of his lips tugged upwards into a small, sympathetic smile. He knew how you felt, even if he’d never say it.

“Wanna crash at mine tonight?” He offered.

You couldn’t lie, not being alone that night and being able to cuddle with Lori sounded very, very nice. But you didn’t want to be a bother.

“Christian, what about your project? You’ve been working so hard.” You noted.

He offered you a one sided smirk, broad shoulders rising and dropping in a shrug.

“I can spare one night.” He answered.

Looking at that man cross the table from you, you couldn’t be more thankful for him.

“Okay.” You agreed with a nod, which he mimicked, as if he was sealing the deal.

You two had a peaceful time, sipping your coffee while he told you a little bit about the project he was working on. You loved to hear him talk about his work. He was so passionate about it and his mind and way of seeing things were so fascinating. You just loved to hear him tell you about perspectives and visions and the things he hoped to portray to his audience.

When you two finished your coffee, he went with you to your place to get your stuff. It definitely wasn’t the first time you crashed at his place. You loved his company and loved Lori as well so you felt extremely comfortable at his. You had told him to stay at yours before but because of little Lori, he’d always refuse and find a way to drag you to his place instead. You had told him before to bring Lori over and that it was more than okay but he was scared the little rascal would destroy something. As a result, there was a backpack constantly at the corner of your room.

You packed your essentials and clothes while Christian chilled, sprawled out cross your bed. You could tell he was tired and it kept making you feel like you should let him rest or just chill on his own. When you put down your backpack on the bed to zip it up, you found yourself hesitating again. He must have noticed your quietness because he lifted his gaze towards you, eyebrows lifting.

“You ready?” He asked.

Did you really want to be alone?… no.

“Yeah.” You nodded, zipping up your bag.

“Nice.” He grinned, suddenly jumping up and taking your bag along with him, throwing it over his shoulder.

He always did that, as if he were preventing you from turning back last minute. He would steal your bag and carry it out but eventually return it to you once you two were out of the building and you had protested. That day was no exception.

And like that you two left to his place. As soon as you got there and he opened the door, Lori came running towards you two, greeting you with a few excited hops before you kneeled down to pet her and hug her. You adored that little rascal to pieces and it had been at least two weeks since you had seen her. It was time to spoil her.

Part of the afternoon was spent playing with Lori. She had too much energy and two people to throw things for her and to pounce on. Eventually you two went out to walk her as the rain had stopped for a bit, Christian allowing you to take the leash for a while. Before you knew it, the sun was starting to set. When you came back home, he decided he’d cook dinner for both of you. Truth was your cooking skills weren’t the best but you’d always hangout around him in the kitchen, watching him cook and helping him with whatever he needed.

When dinner was ready, you two took over the couch, with Lori sitting right between you two.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done this.” He commented, shoving a mouthful of vegetables in his mouth.

You nodded in agreement.

“You’ve been busy.” You answered, also taking a bite of your food. It tasted really good, as always.

“I know.” By the corner of your eye, you saw his lips twitch. “But you could have called.”

“I didn’t want to bother you, you were working.” You shook your head, eyes on your plate.

You never wanted to be a bother for Christian. He was too precious for you.

“You never bother me. I like having you around.” He answered instantly, with all sincerity in his voice.

You looked up, to meet his eyes, a smile growing upon your lips. Whatever had you done to deserve him?

Lori, who had been neglected for a few minutes, suddenly pounced on him, almost making him drop his food and making you giggle involuntarily.

When you too finished your food, you did the dishes with the company of Lori that laid down by your feet, chewing away her bone, while Christian took a shower. When he was done, you went to take a shower too.

When you came back, he had prepared your bed, aka the couch, with pillows and a blanket but he was distracted, eyebrows furrowed and very focused on his phone, sitting on your bed. Only when you sat down beside him did he lift his eyes off his phone and locked the screen, putting it away.

“Everything okay?” You asked, curling up on the couch.

“Yup, all good. Movie?” He questioned, already getting up to go pick a movie.

“Sure.” You agreed either way.

He got the movie rolling and then came back to the couch. Curled up on the other side of the couch, across from him, you couldn’t even express the sudden need to lean against him. Luckily you didn’t have to because he got comfortable and suddenly opened one arm for you. (You’d never know it was because he noticed your involuntary pout by the corner of his eye.) You instantly moved and slipped into his embrace, laying against his chest and resting your head on his shoulder. He was warm and smelled of shampoo and body wash and you couldn’t be happier. Instead of being tight with homesickness, your chest was warm with tenderness.

You didn’t know when, but at some point, you fell asleep, wrapped up in his warmth. When in the middle of the night you woke up, comfortable and warm under a blanket, and looked up, you saw there was a soft light lighting up the darkness of the living room. When you looked towards Christian’s desk, the light of the computer screen shined on his sharp features and two little pointy ears peeked from his lap.

You didn’t know what you had done to deserve him.

Masterlist guide

[fyeahrixonne]

The boys,Rickyl, forget their anniversary and try to make it up to a very hurt Michonne. (Maybe her ex never remembered things like that, and it made her feel that sadness/disappointment all over again.)

(set in the no-zombies AU (this prompt’s been sitting for a YEAR. sorryy. ~tails))

You stretch languorously, toes curling, and groan when your back screams at you. Even with a proper night’s sleep, the hectic shift you’d had yesterday is still coiled around your body as comeuppance. You’d been so tired you just stripped down to your boxers and hit the bed as Daryl and Michonne lay sleeping.

Even with your eyes still closed, you can feel Daryl shifting beside you, trying to go back to sleep as he always does when he wakes up the first time. You blink and crane your neck to look over Daryl’s bare shoulders and back to see that Michonne isn’t in bed with you anymore. Strange, considering it’s the extremely rare occasion that all three of you have days off at the same time. It’s usually spent in couch potato mode, .

Daryl snuffles, probably having given up on trying to sleep again, and opens his eyes. “Heya,” you croak, smiling, and kiss him, though he tries to sway away because he’s embarrassed about his morning breath. “What time did you get back last night?”

“Maybe a little after ‘Chonne did.” He rubs at his eyes. “The Silverstone we’re restorin’s been a bitch. Imma see if Ford’s done with the paint job.” He reaches for his phone in his pants’ pocket balled up under his pillow, the slob. He chuckles when you chide him for it, but then goes stock-still while staring at his screen. “fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” He holds his phone up to you, staring at the ceiling with an empty expression on his face. On his screen are a slew of unread text messages the night before, from Glenn. “happy anniv!!!!” “holy shit i cant believe you guys have made it this far, its awesome” “tell rick and michonne congrats for me and maggie” “i hope you guys had fun ;3″

“Wow, I can’t believe it either. A year since you seduced me.” You laugh and kiss Daryl’s bristly cheek. “Congrats to us, honey.” When he doesn’t respond, something tightens in your chest. “What’s with that face? Having second thoughts?” you try to jest, though it’s a legitimate, tangible fear.

This finally snaps Daryl out of it. “Huh? No, ‘course not. But…we forgot it yesterday. And ‘Chonne was in a real quiet mood when I got home. Didn’t even reply when I said ‘I love you.’”

It finally dawns on you. “fuck.”

You both shuffle like gallows-condemned men from your bedroom to the kitchen. Michonne is at the dining table, staring into her mug of coffee like it’s the most compelling thing she’s ever seen. Her face is a window with the curtains drawn, even here in the clear light of morning, and your chest literally twinges from the ache.

Daryl coughs, and asks, “Andre’s off t’ school already?” It’s a testament to how rattled he is, that he’s the one initiating conversation.

Michonne gives the barest nod, and tightens her grip on the coffee mug. After exchanging glances, you sit on the chair beside Michonne, and Daryl perches on the kitchen counter, biting at his thumb. Nobody says anything for a while.

Finally, you’ve organized your thoughts and start talking to the scuffed floor. “Lori was real big on anniversaries.” You feel both their eyes land on you, and you have to force yourself to continue talking. “What kind of gift for which year, what flowers. Silver and gold anniversaries and all that. I grew to dread it...resent it. Like a time bomb. The date became just a date, and the real meaning got lost to me.”

You force yourself to look at both of them, especially Michonne. “But this is different. Not just because we’re...you know, three people in a relationship, but you mean so much to me. And I don’t wanna make the same mistakes. Me being so busy on duty lately is no excuse for me to forget. I’m so sorry. ”

In your peripheral vision, Daryl nods, and shifts uneasily, knowing he also has to say something. “I did know that our anniversary thing was this month. Didn’t know the exact date but I always knew October was our month.” He trails off, and makes a sound that’s somehow both a laugh and a sob. “I never thought we’d get this far. Shit. I’m just an asshole from Hicktown, I was so sure you guys’d get sick o’ me. So every day is important to me. Not just one day of the year in particular. Ain’t a good excuse or what, but s’all I got. You’re all I got. M’sorry.”

All this time your eyes flit from Daryl’s open wound of a mouth to Michonne’s fingers as they slowly uncurl from her coffee. You hold your hand out for her in case she wants to take it, and she does. Her hand is still warm from holding the mug. She reaches her hand out for Daryl to take too, and he hops down from the counter to do it.

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.” You and Daryl both perk up at how firm and stern her voice is. “You’re gonna take out some French toast, bacon, and scrambled eggs from the cafe down the street for our breakfast, we’re gonna eat it, and after we’ve digested from watching Evolution and Orlando Jones, you’re going to treat me right andremember this date for the rest of your lives.”

She still sounds a little hurt, but her smile is genuine, more radiant than the sunlight streaming through the windows, more than you deserve. “For the rest of our lives, huh? A proposal already? Damn, we’re moving fast.”

Daryl buries his face in Michonne’s hair to hide his happy laughter, and his free arm whips out to pull you closer as well. You stand like that over Michonne, her head pillowed between your stomachs, and think helplessly, i love them.

[multiplefandomfics]

Grimes sisters chapter 3

So as promised here comes chapter 3.

warnings: post charachter death, angst, blood,

Fabienne POV

It had only been a few minutes ago when we had helped to receive Loris baby by c-section and she had died. The shock was still evident in all of our faces and we could also still hear the ringing of the shot out of Carl’s gun. He just stepped out of the cell without any kind of facial expression. Unreadable. Nobody could have known in that moment how he must have felt. Maggie just took him in her arms and pressed him to her heart. Suddenly the thought of Rick shot through my head. Damn it, how were we supposed to tell him. One time he was not here and then something like that happened. I feared he would have had a complete melt down after hearing those terrible news.

About an hour later the door to the hallway the guys went through only hours ago opened again and I immediately saw Daryl and Rick… wait… where was Shane?

They put the boxes and bags down with the goods they found. They looked pleased.

It broke my heart that we had to tell him about Loris demise. When Rick looked into our faces he knew something was up. The smile on his face disappeared.

The silence was broken by Carl coming around a corner with his sleeping sister in his arms. My little niece. She was so beautiful.  “Rick… I’m so sorry. Lori didn’t make it.” Maggie swallowed hard putting her hand on is arm. “We tried everything we could. She lost so much blood.” she added. Rick didn’t let us finish and stormed into the cell where Loris lifeless body was covered up with a sheet on her bed. “The baby was laying the wrong way around and we had to do a c-section.” Maggie explained. But I was sure he wasn’t listening to us in that moment at all.  Rick broke down next to her bed crying and we all felt with him. She was my sister in law and she was a good wife and mother to Carl. There would be no day we wouldn’t be feeling that loss. He took the bed-sheet off of her face and kept on crying. We all stepped out to give him the time and privacy in that moment to realize what had happened.

“Daryl, where is Shane?” I confronted him. “We had to leave him in a small room. He hurt his foot and wasn’t able to walk all the way back. He wanted to wait until….” But I was not gonna let him finish that sentence. They just left him with all those damn walkers out there. “What the hell?! Are you kidding me?! You can’t just leave him there!!” I yelled at Daryl angrily. I got back up to my cell to grab my knife. “Whatcha’ doin’? He said he’d follow us as soon ‘s he can”  Daryl grumbled seriously. “You just left him out there!!! That is not fair!!” I almost screamed at him with angry tears in my eyes. I tried to wiggle myself past Daryl who blocked my way. “If you go I go!” my sister claimed suddenly. Daryl rolled his eyes but didn’t move a muscle to let us through so we pulled back for now. He couldn’t stand there forever. When he grabbed a bite or just got bored that would have been our chance to sneak out and help Shane.

We observed our way out until the coast was clear and then made a run for the door. “You don’t have to come, ya know?!” I whispered to my sister. But I was actually very relieved to have her having my back. We had no idea where to turn. It was an endless confusing labyrinth of hallways. We hoped that our instinct would lead the way to Shane. Suddenly we heard footsteps behind us. We turned around knifes in hand. Ready to attack. Luckily it was only Carl. “what are you doing here Carl?” “Did you follow us?” “You could have been hurt!” we threw at him. If Rick found out he was gonna kill us. “I wanna help find Shane.” he said. They had always been close. Shane had been Ricks partner in who knows how long. He was Carl’s godfather. It was Shane who had taught Carl how to aim and shoot a gun back at Hershels farm.

But wasn’t is enough already to look out for ourselves? Now we had to have an eye on the boy as well. Great. If we went back then we could have been caught and forced to stay back. It was no option to send Carl back on his own. Definitely too dangerous.

We looked through every damn door but no sight of Shane. Suddenly we heard biters close behind us. That was the last straw. That was the first time I doubted our mission. If there had been too many we would have had a problem. I looked left and right but Alex had already decided to go right. She was better in making rational decisions under pressure than I was. As we rounded the corner we came face to face with a few of the dead bastards. Shit! Next to us there was a door almost hidden by its color in the wall. I gripped the handle but it didn’t budge an inch. In that moment I started to panic. We weren’t gonna make it out of that situation alive, I thought. My mind raced a thousand miles per minute and I just wished to see Shane’s face just once more in my life. Little did I know that my wish should have been granted shortly. When the door swung open after numerous pulls from our side we stumbled into the dark and shut the door behind us rapidly to be cut off from those dead fuckers. Completely out of breath from the almost panic attack my eyes had adjusted to the light and I saw Shane sitting on the floor looking at us in disbelief. When that look turned into one of anger as if he wanted to lecture us I stumbled out: “We… ehm I hear that… ehm they left you out here and I just had to find you. Carl then followed us because he was worried too.”  He looked real angry but the worry was also evident in his eyes. Still he decided to give us a talk “I told them to leave me behind and not come looking for me either. I was supposed to catch up later. Somehow I would have managed.” he gritted out through his teeth. That was the side of him that I didn’t like all that much. The side the others always warned me of. “I was just worried.” I tried to explain. It wasn’t so much what he’d said but how he did it. It hurt my feelings a lot. In that moment I just wanted to start crying but the walkers were still out there and he did not deserve to make me cry. Or at least to know he did. But he seemed to have noticed that I tried to hold back tear because suddenly his demeanor changed. “If something happened to you I would have never forgiven myself.” he mumbled lowly and slowly pushed himself up against the wall. Wonderful. Now we had to wait in awkward silence till the walkers had moved past us. Then we could have snuck out and back to base. Oh man we could await a lecture from Rick surely. I could not wait!

Rick POV

I was sitting next to Lori for I don’t even k now how long. Could have been minutes or hours. But it didn’t matter. I loved her and kissed her and a minute later she was dead. The mother of my children. My daughter would never know her mother and I wasn’t sure if I could raise her and Carl on my own. I stroked her cheek once more and pulled the sheet back over her. Then I breath in deeply after I stepped out of the cell. Daryl stood in front of me with my newborn daughter in his arms. She was sleeping. Daryl seemed to be good with her. He was a real friend and I was so thankful to have him. “Hey sweetheart.” he whispered when he noticed her eyes staring a little unfocused at him. She still had to learn that. Daryl seemed so enthralled by her it was almost magical. I had never seen him like that with anyone. He would make a good dad I smiled to myself.  

Suddenly I noticed that I couldn’t find my sisters or my son for that matter. I took my girl out of Daryl’s arms. I look deeply into her beautiful little eyes. “Do you know where Alex, Fabi and Carl are?” I asked Daryl. “Well, Fabi threw a tantrum when she foun’ out we left Shane on the run and Alex backed her up. The last time I saw Carl was outside some time ago when I took the baby from him.” After that statement I decided to go outside to look for him.

Strangely I didn’t find him anywhere and nobody knew anything. They couldn’t have been dumb enough to build a search party and try to find Shane. That would have been a suicide mission.

Carol, Beth and Hershel step close to me to express their condolences and have a look at my daughter. We really needed to come up with a name I even heard Daryl call her “little asskicker” and that couldn’t stay that way. Hershel apologized deeply again and again because he wasn’t there when Lori died. I thought that even he couldn’t have prevented her death. We just didn’t have the medical stuff to do such an operation. I tried to fight against my tears but failed and let a few drops slip at some point. I glance at my daughter and she makes me smile again. I could never give her the blame for Loris death. How could anyone? I turned to walk back inside. After my talk with Hershel I had given the baby back into Beth’s care because I finally wanted to know where the rest of my family was and bring Lori outside together with Daryl to soon have a proper burial. She deserved that. I thought back to Carl and how he had to shoot his own mother to keep her from turning into one of those zombies. No little boy should have to do something like this. He is so very strong. As I was on my way to the door where we went through that morning it suddenly swung open and revealed Carl and behind him my sisters who were supporting Shane to walk. At first I was a little baffled that they had really managed that on their own but I couldn’t have shown that. Even if I was proud of them they needed to know going without my permission was wrong. I was the boss here and even my sometimes roguish sisters needed to have respect. As my eyes fell on Shane he just shook his shoulders and said:”Don’t look at me. I already told them this was a bad idea.” and stumbled to his cell to prop up his leg. “Are you nuts?  You could have gotten yourselves killed! Shane wanted to stay behind! He was save.” I yelled at them. “Fabi we need to talk!” I look serious at her. I knew this had to have been her idea. She was the one with the crush on Shane.

“The hell we need!” she hissed back and stormed outside. “Women” Shane shook his head Alex jumped on that train immediately:”She went out there and risked her life because of you dumbass.” “Calm down people that doesn’t help anyone.” I tried to defuse the situation. That was something we definitely couldn’t use then.

Maggie’s POV

After everything went down I had made my way over to Glenn who was currently standing guard on the watchtower. I had to get away from it all for now. I was concerned that they all hated me after what happened with Lori. It was my fault after all. I let her bleed out. I couldn’t find my dad so it was my duty to save her and I couldn’t. When Glenn looked at me he knew that something went terribly wrong and I started to cry. He took me in his arms and just stayed silent. He knew I needed that. “Lori died. I couldn’t save her. We got the baby by c-section and she just bled out.” As if the walkers weren’t enough already. “You did everything you could.” Glenn comforted me. I tried to get my mind off of things and stayed with Glenn during his shift. Up here overcame me a feeling of security but we still had to keep and eye out. I was still curious why there were no other survivors or groups who found the prison before us. I thought that maybe the prison seemed to be too crowded with walkers before we came. No small group could have handled that. And to find and keep a big group alive was becoming harder and harder each day. Be it killed by walkers or starvation and exhaustion. Didn’t matter we had found our personal little sanctuary.

“Well it seems that Alex and Fabi have vanished this afternoon to find Shane. Fabienne was really shocked to hear that they left him behind.” I changed the topic. “On their own?” Glenn asked baffled. I nodded. Sure they knew how to handle themselves but it still was a damn dumb idea.

Alex POV

Who did he think he was?? Fabienne and I did so much to save him. Risked our own lives and he couldn’t even mutter a “thanks, nice of you to help me”?? Fabi was completely wrecked. She really liked  him and that’s how he thanked her. Bravo! We knew when we stepped through that door that Rick would be major pissed at us. And we still did it. For Shane. And of course I had to go with her. She would have gone alone anyways so better with my help than without.

I was just on my way outside when Daryl stepped in my way “give her some space to think first.” he suggested and pushed the baby in my arms. “ baby looks good on you.” he winked at me and nudged my side slightly. “So I’m gonna go huntin’ sweethearts.” he rasped in that handsome southern drawl of his, smiled at us and left. I had never really seen him smile. He wasn’t the person for a lot of feelings and emotions. I really liked Daryl even if he didn’t think I was tough enough for this world and had to be protected 24/7. he always had everyone’s backs. He was a special kind of guy. Daryl was the kinda guy who intrigued me even before all this started. The notorious badboy with a motorcycle who gets himself into trouble all the time but has a real soft spot for the ones that mean something to him. Plus he is good with kids, what woman wouldn’t want a man like that?

The infant was still sleeping in my arms. She remembered me a lot of Carl when he was that small. The same nose and high cheekbones. I decided to take her with me and sat down on my bed. I cradled her against my chest and leaned against he gray stone wall. So much had gone down over the last days.

When the Virus broke out about a year ago everything went haywire. We had to leave our homes and fortunately we were with Lori and Carl when it happened because we swapped shifts at Rick’s bed at the hospital. Shane got us out of town and to the camp. Without him we probably would have been toast months ago. Our first plan to go to a military basis was destroyed when we became notice that it no longer existed. There had been no way to get through there anyways. It was a fight for life and death from the very beginning. We could call ourselves lucky when we found Hershel and his families farm. But that luck only stayed for so long. When we were overrun there and could barely flee I thought we’d never find a suitable and safe home again but here we were. I never thought I’d want to break into a prison in my life. I thought of the newest member of our group in my arms and what life she was gonna get to know and live in. I made me incredibly sad to know that she would only know running and hiding and fighting monsters. No security no real life without always having to look over your shoulder. While I was so in thoughts I didn’t even hear Rick coming in “Hey you two.” he greeted us. “Hey you alright?” I asked him. What kind of a dumb question is that to a man who just lost his wife in childbirth?? I mentally palmed myself. After he took his girl out of my arms I could see that he seemingly found his peace in her. “The burial is tomorrow.” he added shortly. I just nodded. I wanted to notify everyone. They would all have been encouraged to come.

“I saw some nice flowers outside maybe we can...” Carol who had just arrived behind Rick suggested. He smiled to her lovingly in thanks. I took Carols hint and went outside to find someof those flowers with her. On the yard I noticed Fabienne laying in the grass enjoying the afternoon sun. She seemed lost in thought. Probably still thinking about Shane and his shenanigans earlier. “Look Alex, those are nice don’t you think?” Carol asks me for my opinion. Indeed they were wonderful and I smiled at her in agreement. I excused myself for a second and waltzed over to my sister. “Hey.” I greeted her. She opened her eyes and looked at me but didn’t say a word. “You know that Shane can be an ass sometimes. Don’t take it to seriously. You know it’s not his intention to hurt you.” Was I really protecting Shane?? Hmm I would have done everything to see my sister smile again. “I know but I just wanted to help him and he yells at me like that. Would a thank you have been too much? It’s unfair. I am not a child. I am 26 years old Alex.” She started to justify herself. She was definitely right.

[thenaaru]

Odd numbers on both for AVIE

JOKES ON U I LOVE THESE YA SHIT.

This is really long but also really interesting if you wanna know more about Avie, under a cut to save your dash!

#1.

1: What’s your OC’s biggest insecurity and how would they react if someone pointed it out to them?Her failings as a spellbreaker thus far; she feels very behind in her training and though it’s not for the want of trying she just can’t break through that next wall in her progress. She feels like she’s disappointing Zalin in some way. @curiouslich​

3: Does your OC behave differently around different people, if so with whom and how?Avie heavily modifies her behaviour around almost everyone she meets. To most, she is charming and flirtatious and charismatic. She would probably be described as a nice person; but behind closed doors is a completely different matter. She’s straight up emotionally abusive towards her husband, denying him affection or civility unless it benefits her or to get what she wants, only to withdraw it immediately after.

5: How would your OC generally react to someone being verbally abusive towards them for no apparent reason?She’d just look at them with a raised brow before shooting them down in a torrent of sassy flames.

7: Does your OC have any irrational phobias?The sound of clinking chains will wig her out, which isn’t so irrational when you know she was meat-hooked across the battle field by an abomination in her first skirmish with The Sunguard. She’s also afraid of snakes; she doesn’t know why, she just is.

9: Does your OC feel a pressure to achieve or are they content and calm with doing what they can at the moment?Currently she’s under a lot of pressure to make a breakthrough with her Spellbreaking; she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough and every time she’s unable to protect her allies it rubs salt in the wound. Off the battle field, she feels immense pressure to reclaim (steal) her lands out from under her father so that she can disinherit him and be free of his grasp once and for all. She’s also feeling the pressure from the fall through of numerous trade deals with Orgrimmar due to the trade embargo they’ve placed on The Sunguard.

11: How would your OC react to hearing they’re adopted?She’d be very confused, and then she’d do everything in her power to hide the fact. Her entire lifestyle is built on the fact she’s nobility and heir to a large amount of land and money; she’d hide her adoption under the rug as quick as she could and wouldn’t be above murder to keep it a secret.

13: What kind of situations does your OC avoid the most?Anything that involves her having to be around her father.

15: Does your OC consider themselves a good person?Avie thinks she’s God’s Gift. She’s not.

17: Does your OC suffer from any mental health issues?She almost certainly suffers from some sort of depression and/or anxiety but is in complete denial and doesn’t acknowledge either.

19: What boosts your OC’s confidence the most?Tell her she’s gorgeous.

21: Does your OC hurt others often intentionally? If yes, how?See above: emotional abuse towards husband.

23: Does your OC tend to hide something about their personality/essence when meeting new people? If yes, what?Again, see question 3. That part of her personality only begins to show through the cracks when someone has her complete trust and her guard drops.

25: How would your OC process the grief caused by the death of a loved one?Avie hasn’t experience much grief; losing he rmother at the end of The Winter of Woe was the first real grievance she’d experienced. She became very closed off and sought solace by spending a lot of time on her own. Perhaps if she had people in her life she felt she could seek comfort from, she would turn to them.

27: Does your OC practise any kind of escapism? If yes, what kind?She’ll often get high and/or drunk and seek out a one night stand for temporary escape. If she can’t do those, she’ll take Stormherald out for a long ride and just wander, staring into space with a blank mind.

29: How does your OC behave on the face of a conflict?She gets angry, and will probably try to hit whoever is going for her if it’s not in battle. At war, she’s very disciplined and steadfast; I currently can’t think of anything that would make her turn and flee except maybe several Abominations all heading for her. In verbal conflict, she’ll attempt to sass or shout the other person down until she wins.

#2.

1: What does your OC feel is important to be talented at?Lying, and at your chosen skill/career path whatever that may be.

3: Does your OC struggle with any type of addictions?She currently uses Bloodthistle more than she should.

5: What calms your OC down the best under severe stress?Previously, it would have been her mother. Her sister, Avari, is pretty good at soothing her but they rarely see each other these days. A stern talking to by someone she at least trusts would help, failing that hand her some elf-weed and sit her in a corner for a time out.

7: What does your OC hate and like about themselves?Hate: she’s not good enough, strong enough, she couldn’t make her marriage work (even though she never really wanted it to), she’s a disappointment.Love: she’s very pretty, she’s rich, she’s confident, she’s physically very strong and likes to show this off

9: What maladaptive behavioral models in your OC’s personality do they have to struggle with the most?She has to remember to be charming and not an abusive piece of shit like she actually is. She also struggles to let go of grudges and will form vendettas if she thinks someone has wronged her; she has destroyed poorer noble houses before.

11: What makes your OC feel most guilt in their life?Avie doesn’t really feel guilt because she doesn’t really think she’s ever done anything wrong. She might feel remorseful occasionally for her treatment of Aron, but as she is right now guilt is not a thing she experiences often.

13: How independent is your OC for their age and life situation?Avie is 53, and for such a young elf she could be fairly independent with the means she earns from being a fairly high ranking member of a milita; however, as second in line for the Silverbrooke lands she still relies on her father for most of her money and the apartment in Silvermoon that she lives in. She hopes to change this soon.

15: Is your OC afraid of confrontation or do they seek to lay things down on open?She certainly isn’t afraid of confrontation and will call people out if she has to or thinks they deserve it. Sometimes she’ll actively antagonise people just because she wants a fight.

17: What does your OC do when they’re dealing with intense emotional pain?She lashes out and then becomes very withdrawn; she’ll have a short explosive phase and then hide and sob until she’s nothing left to give. Its unwise to approach her when she’s like this, unless you’re one of the very few people in her life she loves.

19: Is there anything others often admire about your OC?People tell me she’s pretty and that she’s the tankiest of tanks in roll20 and that makes me happy :D

21: How much of an attention seeker is your OC?SO MUCH. She doesn’t even care what kind of attention it is, she just wants to be at the centre. She thrives on rumors about her going around the courts and preens when she gets positive attention.

23: Does your OC have a criminal record? Nope.

25: How does your OC see their own value in comparison to other people?Avie is very self centered and thinks she’s worth her weight in gold. You might think that being a tank means she’s selfless but she does it mostly for the glory. She’s not above bailing if she knows she can’t win and there are only three people she’d currently risk her life to protect; Zalin, Iiloridan and Kalyanar (by virtue of the fact he’s Lori’s cousin and she couldn’t bare to see him upset).

27: What does your OC think about the concept of love?She’s never been in love and due to her forced arranged marriage and the weird, abusive set-up between her parents she has a warped view of everything romance related: she’s not keen.

29: Is your OC wild/ reckless or do they tend to stay on the safe side inside their comfort zone?Very reckless. Avie will go out of her way to do something stupid on the battlefield if she think’s it’ll work or buy her allies more time to do the thing. She’s also reckless in her personal life, having multiple affairs and undermining her father politically without much care for who sees.

THERE DONE @edaigoa​ :|

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 3: We Need to Start Getting Rid of the Extras - Cole

I hate the music video challenge. Other than that, I feel indifferent towards the people who got voted out. I wonder if Kage found anything in the isle of pines though. I would be happy if he did.

why is  this going easier than expected? theres gon be a swap soon huh...jp would fuck me up like this s/o to my fave liam and andreas

I hate these challenges. I don't like being on camera but when you know half your tribe probably doesn't want to participate, you don't really have a choice. I think we're going to do Trouble - Pink, my suggestion, and I'm super hyped about that because I love Pink. We love feminist icons on a tribe that is like 60% men. There's no way to do an all girls alliance with just me, LA, Karen, and Regan. 60-40 aren't great odds.

nick saying he talked and had a social game when he only started talking 4 hours before tribal because jack warned him he was being voted plus I think queen pippa and Allison will win the redemption comp over nick nick only stayed cause mat summers was inactive lol 

Kage is playing hard really early, but that's good for me. He can be my shield while I stand behind him. Honestly, his reads on the game are useful for gathering information and he seems willing to be my ride-or-die. I find that this is extremely favorable. However, I also want to work with Charlotte and LA. They seem like a good trio for me to attach myself too. I do not want to pick between them so I hope that I can continue working with all three of them as the future progresses. 

Music video challenges are a nightmare. I feel like a mother trying to get her kids ready for school and one kid is in the bathroom taking forever, another won't eat his cheerios, one is still in bed, and the other two have mysteriously vanished. We are losing this challenge. There's no way around it. Which means, we'll have to pick someone who was the least helpful to send to the Oasis. I love rewarding flops. Kage said that he would try to get people to agree to send me which is cool, don't get me wrong, but like - why me? Let's not put a target on my back quite so early, thank you! But on the plus side, I decorated my co-workers desk with Crab!Jordan pictures and that amused me for about 16 minutes. 

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh music videos make me want to die lmao

AHHHHHHHHHHH I hope we win again becasue how funny is it that we are the hate jordan pines tribe  and we stay the longest

I like my tribe. I am aligned with everyone. If we lose I will be upset for 2 reasons: I will have to vote out an ally and this is the best music video in TS history so it should win

Well so far the game is going really well for me!! I think I have a lot of loyal allies and I hope we don't go to tribal for the third time in a row because I pretty much want everyone on my tribe to stay in the game as long as possible. We need to start getting rid of the extras that were aka the other two tribes.... Like offense but like they aren't stars so like go hunny thank you being a place holder, you are excused.

Challenge is due in 8 hours and 45 minutes. Guess how many people have filmed stuff for the video? Yes , you guessed it... the answer is ONE. I'm voting for myself because no one else deserves it. I destroyed my kitchen for this challenge. I threw a chair, there are ripped pictures of Jordan Pines everywhere, and I took down a painting. THAT is dedication. WHEN WILL YOUR FAVE EVER?

At this point in the game I almost want to go to Tribal that’s why I’m not helping with  the video. I want to go to tribal to test our alliance and pick off Regan or Adam. Regan because she is messy af and Adam because he has too many ties with the icons tribe. I hope we flop in this challenge. Also, I told the wrong clue to my alliance so let’s hope that doesn’t backfire. It won’t for this vote anyway and hopefully I get to go back to the Isles Of The Pines so I can retrieve MY idol.

THESE PEOPLE GIVE ME SEVERE ANXIETY YOU HAVE NO IDEA

I hope we win, the video jessica made was SO good! we'll find out soon and I'm just a bundle of nerves right now!

Pippa was voted out, so despite her best efforts she still fell short! However she did win the redemption island duel, so shes still in! Our tribe did the challenge in one day and looking at the criteria I fully expect us to lose. Like 100%. So thats gonna finally cause some ~tension~. Everyone is active on our tribe. But if we go with the alliance of 6 we formed, either Cole or Casey would go. Personally i'd rather we just win and neither goes but someone has to go and its rather shitty.

[2017-11-21, 10:52:45 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): OUR VIDEO IS TERRIBLE [2017-11-21, 10:52:47 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): I WANNA DIE [2017-11-21, 10:55:27 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I'm scared to watch [2017-11-21, 10:55:47 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): don’t do it [2017-11-21, 10:55:53 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: Okay lol [2017-11-21, 10:55:59 PM] Jordan Pines: make a confessional about it :) [2017-11-21, 10:56:03 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): Kage didn’t mute our video files [2017-11-21, 10:56:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): So it’s a disaster [2017-11-21, 10:56:13 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: HEGDVEBSHDJEJ [2017-11-21, 10:56:15 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): A DISASTER [2017-11-21, 10:56:19 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: THATS SO BASIC [2017-11-21, 10:56:22 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): LORI ITS JUST YOU AND ME [2017-11-21, 10:56:23 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: JFC [2017-11-21, 10:56:28 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I'M DONE [2017-11-21, 10:56:31 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): WE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN IT [2017-11-21, 10:56:34 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: MED EVAC [2017-11-21, 10:56:37 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): and there’s ugly effects [2017-11-21, 10:56:43 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): Jordan can we mutiny [2017-11-21, 10:56:49 PM] Jordan Pines: nope :) [2017-11-21, 10:56:49 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: WE OUT [2017-11-21, 10:56:55 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): Okay well we’re out [2017-11-21, 10:57:02 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): Med Evac please [2017-11-21, 10:57:08 PM] Jordan Pines: :) [2017-11-21, 10:57:46 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I need to go [2017-11-21, 10:57:57 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I'm not watching that video [2017-11-21, 10:58:00 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: Lol [2017-11-21, 11:01:43 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): I couldn’t watch the whole thing [2017-11-21, 11:02:16 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): If either you, kage, or I gets voted out I’m done with this community lmao [2017-11-21, 11:02:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): FLOPS [2017-11-21, 11:02:33 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: MOOD [2017-11-21, 11:03:14 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I need kage to delete that asap [2017-11-21, 11:03:37 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I still cant bring myself to watch [2017-11-21, 11:08:20 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): Honestly me [2017-11-21, 11:08:24 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): I want it GONE [2017-11-21, 11:08:30 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): BURN IT WITH FIRE [2017-11-21, 11:12:48 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: RIP [2017-11-21, 11:30:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): so [2017-11-21, 11:30:11 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): you can hear you singing [2017-11-21, 11:30:24 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): bc kage  used our backing as the music track [2017-11-21, 11:30:29 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i want to fucking choke [2017-11-21, 11:30:37 PM] LA {Themyscira Host}: I can't believe ts jordan pines made me quit orgs [2017-11-21, 11:30:43 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): ME AS FUCK

Going to our first tribal will be rough, but I feel confident in my alliance. I will certainly not be the one going. Jaiden threw out Regan's name and I'm down with that. She seems to have the best chance of getting Pippa out of redemption and having an Senip come back will provide us with numbers.

Hello I just got added to two alliances with regan. One with David and one with gage. And listen I love regan but I cannot be snatcht for being in 10 alliances bc she thinks I get along with all these people 😩. But honestly if I were to work with anyone on this tribe it'd be regan David and gage so we'll see how this goes. I'm also talkin to charlotte so I'll see what she's thinking vote wise. I'll prob talk to other ppl 

I can't fucking believe this tribe. Actually, no, that's a lie... I can believe this tribe because they're all a bunch of flops. I don't care that you were working, or that you had school. LA and I both work, she had school, and we still managed to put together a THREE FUCKING MINUTE VIDEO to contribute to this tribe. Effort isn't hard. Honestly this challenge would have taken less than five minutes. But I'll play nice, I was only a little shady in the tribe chat. me: kage and LA the true MVPS me: the rest of ya’ll… no shade no tea but :| I would copy receipts but Skype for Web sucks. TAKES UR EXCUSES AND SHOVE EM CUZ I DONT WANNA HEAR IT. I WILL CARRY YOUR SORRY ASSES ON MY BACK IF I HAVE TO. WE'RE NOT LOSING AGAIN. Tonight the Icons Only tribe wants to vote for Regan. I don't have a problem with Regan, other than she can be a little extra, but David said that she's the person he talks to the most. Selfishly, I want her gone so that I can be the person David talks to most. I like David, he's cool. I would love to have an alliance with David and Adam. Me? Aligning with everyone on my tribe? More likely than you'd think.

Jack may be cute as hell like the rest of our tribe but he's really rustling my jimmies with this vote. Stop dragging Liam around like a dog, it's not cute and it's not gonna keep you in this game. Liam deserves better, end Liam hate 2k17. Also Sarah is an actual legend queen of spilling tea.

Kage is messy. Betray me and I'll slit your throat and bathe in your blood

JK he's a child I take that back. BUT MOM IS NOT IMPRESSED. GO TO YOUR ROOM.

so Jack is making liam do all his dirty work wanting to get Madison out having got nick out and all well he is gone i guess

I hope I am not getting voted out. This alliance should carry me to victory though.

anyway so I left off with an alliance with gage and regan and david and regan, then I added david and la to the chat with gage anyway so we agreed on raf. and then Jaiden is like don't vote for me, and that he said that the names he heard were regan kage raf and himself. so anyway david and regan call me and I'm like what the fuck is going on in here on this day and they tell me that theres an alliance that kage made with kage la gage charlotte raf and Jaiden but like gage told me that kage ratted out his own alliance???/ anyway so Jaiden keeps thinking the vote is switching between kage and regan and raf and like .....I don't wanna vote reg so like rn I'm in the process of trying to get gage and la to flip to raf or maybe get reg to vote for kage, so it may be 4-4-1 or 5-4. and like gage and la are basically the swing votes and I'm like like yall literally trust me the most so just vote with me???? like by fucking me over and voting regan theyre gonna fuck themselves over. anyway so like I'm scared kage might have an idol??? and that's my main issue with voting for him like a split would be hard to do rn so that why I wanna vote for raf at this point

First tribals are suppose to be easy but NOT THIS ONE. I don't know what's happening in this game, i just know I'm suddenly in the middle of two alliances. I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP MY WAY THROUGH THIS. i wanna work with karen but she doesn't wanna vote regan but the other alliance wants to vote regan so i'm gonna pissed off one side if me and gage can't flip to someone else. honestly, i'm trying to keep karen happy and build this relationship with gage cause i need people. at some point its gonna be me and char going for each other and i need to have allies i can depend on. AND WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T MUTE THE AUDIO TRACK AND REPLACE IT WITH THE SONG WHEN EDITING A MUSIC VIDEO?!!?

Honestly this tribe is a mess. Kage and jaiden are messes. And I'm a mess and the most paranoid person ever. Actually that might be jaiden but he's a smart kind of paranoid.

LA wants to vote out Kage. Bitch, so do I, but how many times do I have to say - WE DON'T HAVE THE NUMBERS. Girl, tribal is in 22 minutes. Sit down!

Me being in the majority for the first vote? What is this feeling??? This feels.....too good to be true. So much shit went down and so many names were thrown around and I expected to go too. But thank my lucky stars that didnt happen. Going forward I think I cant trust Regan and Karen and even possibly gage but everyone else IDK!!!!! 

I guess I'm the fool. Oh well. Not like it matters.

[smxkeproject]

My name is Loryn Steffens and this is my story..

as a child both my parents were addicts.. my father mike had partys whenver i ws there. he would drink alot and didntreally pay attention to my needs, he had a grlfriendwho didnt like me. my father had anger issues and often took his anger out on me. thru angry outbursts.i didnt know him till i was 4. and i didnt want to know him. he always sent me to his parents house. i felt trapped. i couldnt speak for myself i was scared too. they always humiliated me over there. 

my mothers on the other hand was sweet and caring, loving and kind. but she let her addiction get in the way of her success. she died in 2009 drunk driving accident. i was placed with my grandparents while she did what she had to so my brother and i could have housing with her. my brother moved to my step dads house when i was 7. he was exposed to violence and addiction (alcohol and cocaine abuse more so before and after he moved. my parents would go on binges all the time. 

my grandma and i moved  in 2011. i was diagnosed as passive suicidal disorder, depression anxiety ADD and BIpolar2 disorder at 13 years old. my grandma pushed for medications and i told her that wasnt a good idea. but to humor her and pay my doctors bills i took them. i have a list of all that didnt work. ALL OF THEM. i got my thyroid taken out at 14 because my doctors thought that was the problem. at 16 my father passed away from a gunshot wound to the head. after his death i was diagnosed with PTSD and borderline personality disorder.

i met sage when i was 14. because he told someone to kill themselves. i yelled at him and told him it wasnt right. we started dating in june 2014, he introduced me to “drugs”  at the time my home situation wasnt good. so i started running away. instead of taking me out of my situations the court system put me in cuffs and sent me to jail. sage and i had a no contact order because we got arrested together. the whole relationship i was trying to help him become a better person helped his mom around the house and kept an eye on her kids sage and sawyer, never thought id say i babysat my boyfriend.

thru my years of living with them ive witness violent outbursts from sage and sawyer. saywer wanted to himself because of sage. sage would get very violent with sawyer by verbally and physically abusing him. sage gets his way by stealing and lying.   sage hornsby often took with width drawls out on me but verbally mentally and physacally abusing me. when he found out i was pregnant he didnt have much to say. besides “you should abort that baby” he has punched me in the stomach many times while i was pregnant. and people ask why i didnt leave. because i wanted to help sage become a better person. i couldnt just let him kill himself.  so i delt with the pain. as i progressed with sages mental health mine grew tired. i got depressed. i had anxiety. and thats what he wanted. after jasper was born i isolated us in the bedroom because i was terrified of my baby getting sick and dying.  the abuse continued. he would break my things he would hit me. but he always apologized. i didnt wanna raise jasper in a broken home to put up with it.  doors would slam. sawyer would stomp his feet when he didnt get his way and scream. i remember feeling so bad for them i applied for food stamps so stacy wouldnt stress about being able to afford groceries. she was up to her knees in sages court fines. by this time my PPD had taken a turn for the worst. sage has broken alot of my phones, i lost alot of friends and family because..sage would go out and stay out all night. while i was running on no sleep or food. jasper was a good baby tho. i remember being so depressed sometimes id overdose on painkillers at night. im cry alot because i wanted to die but i didnt wanna leave my son with such violent surroundings. 2018 we moved to bearlake with stacys mom lori and her husband. thats where things took a massive turn. curtis is a raging alcoholic. he would get angry there were people in his house. there was alot of fighting. sage picked up the drinking more. i tried it and i couldnt stomach it. at this point i couldnt eat or sleep very well. sage still hit me at their house. he has told me to kill myself infront of his grandma, his brother. and his mom denies he even said it. 

i broke up with him and moved back to traverse city jasper. i had 3 jobs. working at subway, making music and tending to my son. sage showed up at my house at 2am. saying he wanted to kill himself. he also told me he might go to prison for human trafficking. my dumbass was still in love with him so i tried to help him sober up. he convinced me to let his mom take jasper while we tried to figure things out getting back together ect.  he took me to someones house. i got dosed with cocaine and methamphetamine. i couldnt move or speak. i had journals with me that his friend stole. they ripped pages out of my books. then taunted me. his lover zeb had said him and sage were gonna take jasper and sell him on the black market and sage told my brother they were gonna pimp me out. i sent myself the hospital after sage got violent to my suggestion that he needed help. he threaten to burn my grandmas house down and rape her. he threatened to cut me up and sell my body parts. and he told me he was gonna become an alcoholic and beat the shit out of jasper. i gave him what he wanted because i was scared

april 2019 when we moved to manistee it got worse. i went to AA NA meetings as directed by fostercare. i didnt get any signatures back then because i didnt know i had too. i went with sage to 3 meetings, when he picked up the alcohol so did i. but i didnt drink it. i acted drunk. after sage started lying to me and staying out all night and coming home drunk i started going to meetings on my own 2ice a week. i had nothing numbing my pain. i got offered ketomine by his aunt. i thought it would kill me to i took it. i got a job at taco bout it too. sage let them fire me. then continued yell about how i never did anything.

i cleaned, i did laundry, i tred to help s much as i could. he kept calling me a freeloader and told me to get a job. i tried but nobody wanted to hire because idek why. i was depessed and stressed and tired. endlessly looking for a job. i started selling my belongings so we could afford food.  

i had a job and soemome who made a petty call to it away from me because she couldnt stand the fact her man wanted me. and i can see you laughing at me. and if i had it my way my son would be in my care full time and the rest of those who laugh at my struggles and my pain dont deserve to be in my sons life. i should be able to choose who stays and who goes in and out of jaspers life. i protected that little boy with my life. that should count for something. 

also sense nobody else is concerned but me. sage has history visiting childporn websites as well threatening to rape babies. im not saying its hereditary but as a mom im terrified you would even consider letting any of these people care for my son. ive been sexually abused andassult not just this year but previous years. and people like him make me sick. i thought jasper could have both parents because i was there to protect him. now that im not allowed to watch him 24/7 is upsetting. i have support. i am able to get housing. driving scares me. i have mental disorders but im not crazy.

[celestialallstars]

Episode 11: “The odds are against me but I’m gonna make it....” - Loris

FUCK YOU MATT. FUCK YOU JACK. FUCK YOU STEPHEN. FUCK THIS CAST. YALL LYING ASS HOES SUCK MY FUCKING NIPPLES

Right now, I've got a mixture of feelings. On one end, I guess the tribal showed were some people's loyalties lie, but on the other I couldn't help but feel like it was a bit much. Like everybody in this game has literally lied and like I don't know, I understood Jack and Matt's frustration but it was a big yikes to see it get so tense and everyone get worked up. Like had my laptop not shut off, I would have likely snapped tonight and I think I'm seeing the good and the bad of things right now and it's just...a mess. Not to mention the 8 man alliance couldn't get it together until the 11th hour.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. Matt is finally gone, and this time we pulled it all off to keep him until Jared fucking pulled out an idol. How did he even know it was gonna be Chloe anyways? Man. I can't help but wonder if he wouldn't have played it had Matt and I shut our mouths but I think he would've anyways. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't let him lie again in public about that I had to expose him. Now he's got no idol, he's got few allies (I think), he's totally vulnerable and I pray to god we get him in the next 2 rounds.

It just occurred to me that I had a part in the chaos tonight. Stephen was already worried about the vote, but if I don't talk to Jack/Mitch then none of the last minute plan to vote Chloe happens I feel or gains as much momentum, then half the craziness that happened tonight at tribal does not happen at all....I saved Steph but at the cost of seemingly having Jared cost his game.

________________________________________________________________

I'm really drained at the moment between the school stuff and this game and now Jared claims my name was around for this round, or at least it was Bryce's plan. It did not phase me because I already wanted to go against Bryce/Zach but now it at least gives me another reason. AS of all of the craziness, my gut told me to try and stick it out with Michael/Chloe. I believe that between Rhys/Bryce/Zach's sketchiness, Jack just being himself, and Loris, I'd rather just try things out with the others. At this point, I'm kind of over a lot of the BS that people keep trying to sell. Having that said, I firmly believe that things need to get outted tomorrow unless we attempt a full on blindside.

I keep checking my messages as though someone wants to talk to me. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Sooooo YESTERDAY WAS A DAY!

It started off so simple, Matt seemed to be the target for the majority alliance and Michael/Chloe didn't seem very interested in keeping him around. So I came up with a scheme that I think may have tied into someone else's scheme. But I didn't know it at the time. ANYWAYYYYY...

Matt's going home, but I don't want to vote him. Why? Because I wanna strengthen my relationship with Jack, so I approach both of them to talk about things and figure out who they're voting for. Matt was very antagonistic and I figured out this is because he heard I was saying his name, which was true! I get them to say a name they'd rather have taken out, and it's Chloe. Sure. Me and Chloe barely talk tbh. So I essentially go around getting pissy about wanting to vote Chloe instead of Matt to my alliance because I need to sell it anddddddd........

They... Want to vote her out? SKDJSKDKSKSKSKSKAKSK

Ummmm this wasn't the plan! Everyone except Loris and Jared want to do it. Okay. Whatever. I'm too deep in now to flip back, sorry Chloe!

THEN JARED PLAYS THE IDOL SKSKDKDMSKSKSKSKSSM

Ok but why didn't you use that idol to save Mitch hm?

Sketchy bitch.

Soooo I hear afterwards that Zach and Bryce had a chat with Jack and Matt and apparently they might have wanted to vote Chloe anyway????? But then why let the vote be Matt for the entire day? When we all would've voted Chloe if they just said her name originally? And now Jared also has a chat with Chloe and Michael? Worst allies ever.

Idk Zach and Bryce are sketchy and I've known that since the Mitch vote. Maybe they should watch their backs in the near future ......

First off I was SO happy for Loris! It would have been nice to immunity, but I know with all of the distracting things I had for the day that I did good with the few hours I had. This makes me wonder if it will continue a trend I see in a lot of orgs where I begin to place in the top 4 a lot in the late game. Only time shall tell. Going into this tribal, I for once feel great. Making a new alliance with Loris/Michael/Chloe/Jared all the while keeping Stephen in the loop. I'll still smile and wave in the 13th, three kings, literally any other chat but as far as I'm concerned, I'm ridding my hands of that. Hope its not too early to feel good (it is)

________________________________________________________________

So I did some thinking and for a bit I had a feeling me or Bryce would get 10th. This was just because Karth came in 20th and Kori in 15th, which had to mean one of us would come in 10th and the other in 5th. Time to see how accurate this prophecy is

Day 25......... gross. So disregarding the challenge because yikes the whole game seems to be flipped on and the best part is that I don’t put myself forward as a target and Jared and Chloe are seen as this tight duo so I expect them to be targeted over myself. However chris and loris both expressed disappointment in how the game has been progressing and Bryce and zach both came to me to strategise so hopefully I’m in some sort of power position in the game however chris has pulled this before where he’s so sad he didn’t get his way and so disappointed and nothing has changed so right now my focus is on how to get myself forward in the game with hopefully more to come and Bryce will hopefully be eliminated this round.

Soooooo I had to abstain from the challenge for work but that's okay. I don't think I'm the target anyway.

The biggest news is that Jared has added onto his old group of Chloe and Michael to create a new majority. One that is planning to overthrow the old one in the near future. Based on what Chris has told me, the additions are himself and Loris.

The issue is, based on what Jared has told me, that Loris wants to wait one more round before locking things down. I see why he'd want to do this. Jack could easily slip through the cracks of the impending majority vs. majority war and that puts him within reach of an easy win at FTC in my opinion.

Jack might actually go home unanimously if things keep up like this. It'd be sad, because I just really started putting work into my relationship with him recently, but it really doesn't seem worth it when, even if I save him, I'll likely be targeting him within 2 or 3 rounds anyway. Cyrena? More like, sayonara.

Of course, if last vote is any indication, this can all change in a couple of minutes! So who the fuck knows. There's still 3 hours until tribal and if I can convince the 5 in power to pull their move now I wouldn't mind it at all.

hi!! ok so like... I won immunity??? and it was a creative challenge???? I’m so shocked and proud of myself I rlly tried to snap and things went wrong but I still SNAPPED!!! and now I made single digits oh my god!!! like... 9th or above I’m so happy with but of course I’m gonna win anyways. so. I suggested an alliance with me chloe Chris michael Jared to Chris and Jared and now it’s a real thing and like.. we just need to get people to vote jack for themselves and then we can run the game perry add. That could be a serve. I genuinely feel like I’m in a rather good spot this game I don’t think anyone should want to vote me out except stephen  maybe??  jack is hard to read because I’m not sure he talks To that many people ... idk... also oh my god so I just need to survive 3 more tribals and then I can play my legacy.... and like I’ll be so proud of myself if I get to do that. both seasons I find the legacy in round one(?) and I manage to hold onto it until the final six both times ?? like.. the odds are against me but Im gonna make it....

girl idk. i feel in danger because of lack of talk. everyone wants jack out. id prefer chloe. the only votes we can get are bryce, rhys, jack and myself. loris is dumb. HE WONT idk. jareds legit playin super well and good for him but ppl needa wake up and start knockin off his +1’s so hes easier to take out in the future. but who cares. these people are gonna end up lettin like jared or chris win .. and good. i suppose they deserve it.

im just super tired. partly due to this game but partly because of irl factors... so i just cant go chaotic. its so fun but soooo draining, and its hard when everyone leaks things and jared wants to be dumb and idol. it wasnt dumb. im petty. its real dumb.

im just trying to get ppl on my side but it seems so hard NNNN so . we’ll see

My names going round again 🤠

Ever since I played the idol on Chloe (which was indeed an in the moment decision), I feel a lot better about my spot in the game.

I revealed basically everything to Chris. There was very little that I left out. I told him about the F2 with Bryce, and my motivations behind every decision so far.

Sometimes overbearing trust comes out of overbearing promises. I still need someone to have my back no matter what, so being open with Chris was necessary. I still will try my best to keep Bryce in the game. I need them to war with each other because it will be a long term buffer for me. In terms of F3 plans, I'm not sure. I have options between Chris, Rhys, Chloe, Michael, Stephen, and Loris. I wouldn't mind staying true and taking Bryce as far as I can, but eventually his number will be up and I think that will be better for my chances to win anyways.

Today I finally pulled the trigger and Chris and I put together this 5some of him, Chloe, Michael, Loris, and myself called "starpower."

I will have to be cheeky with Chris to stay in a better spot than him, because he doesn't have strict promises with Bryce as far as I know.

Tonight Jack will go home which was Loris' call. I think it's fine because either way next round Stephen will want a big target out and he needs me to make it happen. I want that target to be on Zach, because I think Zach is the current frontrunner to win, and I think voting him will suit Stephen.

With that being said, it will take a smooth game from hear on out to not be a total goat. I'll try my best.

Feeling very strange about this vote. It's another sort of last minute vote, we've all kind of agreed to do a hard reset and vote Chloe again, but now that I've seen one idol play I can't help but feel like there's another coming, and this time it'd directed towards me potentially. I think I'm gonna propose possibly splitting votes just to cover our bases, because I do feel like Jared and Chloe are now gonna want to target me for no reason other than it's convenient.

If someone idols Jack tonight I’m gonna scream 🤡

So, I wanted Chloe gone this round, because I'm scared she will just float through this game and take a spot at the end. Which is exactly what is happening this vote. People want Jack instead so here we go. Haven't been too active so couldn't have gotten the numbers. Sad times.

Hi so the vote seems to be on  jack which is a little bit anti climatic because everyone was like let’s make a move and then boom jack goes like I thot we were going after bryce zach or rhys but I guess not? Anyway I hope im not being played by bitches right now and people stick to their words. Or at least vote jared/Chloe out

________________________________________________________________

The thing that makes me most nervous going into tribal is that it makes strategic sense for Stephen not to vote with us and instead vote out Jared who’s a far bigger threat than Jack but hopefully the fear of a tie will mean that he makes it 6 and I hope he realises that I’m ok with going against Jared sksksksksk.

THIS game is so sad liek nothing i want happens ppl are just not wanting to do what i want and thats so unlike my first season KJFHDASKJ i just want total control and someone to run the game with but jared is so annoying and is trying to work with the ppl who will vote him out bc hes such a big threat like girl pls just let me have my way and i wont cut u at 4th! im still fuming over the idol play like who does he think he is playing it without letting me know thats all i ask i literally feel pathetic trying to work with him when he clearly has chris/loris/chloe interests ahead of me

________________________________________________________________

Jack is voted out 8-1-1. He becomes the third member of our jury.

Watch Jack’s exit interview take place below:

[survivorelara]

Episode #14: “IDK WHAT TO DO W MY IDOL IF SAM GOES ILL CRY FOR LIKE 3 YEARS BUT I WANT TO BE SAFE ;(” - Loris

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's the fricking final  FIVE!!!!!!!! i feel like an icon,,, right ok so. tea lately? im winning... like look at everyone in the final 5 rn,,, if we go back to final 8 or 9 or sumn,,, out of us who would u say would be in the final 3... me bitch duh. anyways like.. i got to play mi legacy screeeeeeeee!! AND I still have my idol and if u think im playing that on anyone else lol!! i probably will dont quote me. anyways tea final four sooooooooooooooooon. woop woop. sam has me convinced it's a final two and the winner of fic gets to remove a juror. THAT'S CUTE. i'd love to go to the end with sam i love sam. umm.. like im pretty sure id beat him the jury hates him?? they hate me?? but him morE?? i also played GOOD. doot doot! boop boop

Well, I made it to F5, and this is where things really start falling into place, if my plans are proper, I shouldn't run into any issues. Though I WOULD like to win this challenge if only because I wanna be the one with the most challenge wins at the end, just as an additional notch on my belt.

HOWEVER, I can't seem to get this damn challenge right because of how much I suck. I keep fucking it up, over and over, and it SUCKS. Especially since I keep fucking up sooner and sooner every time.

Hopefully I can get my shit together, things should go fine though so long as Roxy doesn't win immunity, or Sam for that matter since I think Ci'ere and Roxy could try to pull a fast one given how obvious it is that Loris has the idol.

Anyway, here's to it all working out somehow.

Well I won immunity, which is a good thing and the most ideal for me, as it's another challenge under my belt, and it guarantees I make F4.

Currently I'm having a hard time seeing this vote not go my way, Sam and I are both voting Roxy, and presumably Loris is too, and that's majority right there. Funnily enough Roxy was trying to get Sam to flip on me in a F4 scenario or something, which was interesting, but if anything I just feel more justified in voting her out add in that whole tie vote fiasco, and I'm ready to send her home. (I love her to death though, she's such a sweetheart, and I do feel bad voting her out, but I have my own game to think about.)

Ideally Ci'ere will end up voting out Roxy as well, and at F4 I've got two F3 deals and I think I've got reasonable odds in both. Knowing that Loris had two advantages, and just how people seem to think he's this giant threat, I feel almost that I HAVE to vote him out at F4 if the opportunity is there. I think his game is flawed, but it'll all come down to perception, and he's perceived as someone who'll win against anyone.

Alternatively Ci'ere has had a more independent game, though I think I have a stronger case than his, but I could be wrong, maybe the jury will like him more, I can't really say.

Above all else despite all my plans, I'm happy I won this challenge, and I hope I get to FTC as that's all I've ever wanted and this'll be the first time I will have done it.

https://youtu.be/hd8d17Uos6k

Sigh...

So Sam got a brilliant plan together, that could potentially take Loris out. But then Ci'ere told me he wants a F3 of him me and Roxy, which I'm not a fan of. I'd much rather just drag my goat to the end, and drive things my way.

We'll see how things go, I'm not a huge fan of this plan, but I might go along with it just because it seems fun. Regardless though this plan requires Sam to vote Loris, as I will 100% be voting Roxy. If Loris idols himself, I voted Roxy, and I didn't necessarily break blood with Loris. If Loris idols Sam, then Loris goes, and I didn't vote against him, and can hopefully pull for his vote.

So I'm still trying to bend this situation to my favor. Though I'm more in favor of just dueling Loris at F4 since that's what I was expecting. I could honestly just tell Loris to idol himself to force this vote a particular way, but honestly I think I'm in a situation that honestly it doesn't matter who's at the end so long as one of Loris or Roxy go home now, since I'll likely have to win immunity to make it to F3 anyway.

I WANT TO DIE OK SO CIEREMESSAGED ME SAYING SOMETHING LIKE WE NEED TO MAKE LORIS THINK ITS YOU AND NOW APPARENTLY KORI WANTS ME OUT At final 4 GIRL IK NOT SURPRISED ... IDK WHAT TO DO W MY IDOL IF SAM GOES ILL CRY FOR LIKE 3 YEARS BUT I WANT TO BE SAFE ;(

ok.... I don't even know how to start confessing this round. really mad I fucked up and didn't win immunity cause that would've made this vote SO much less tricky. but alas, kori is immune, and guess what, loris has the idol. as we all are aware of now. these are the 2 people I DONT want in the f3 with me, because they both can beat me, whereas I feel I can beat the other two, so that had me thinking. does this mean one of my ideal f3 will have to leave, meaning I'll lose the game?

then it hit me, the most fucked up plan I could think of. loris has been my RIDE or DIE the entire merge phase of this game. words cant even describe how much I adore the kid, but like I said if he makes it to the end of this game, he wins the whole thing. that's how well I feel he's done. definitely enough to beat me. I know loris, and he isn't a dummy. i know that if he felt he had too, he would play his idol on me, because he's aware that if I ended up leaving this round, he'd be alone at f4 with everyone else wanting him out. so I started to wonder, what if I could make him play his idol on me, then vote him out…

so I got to work. I approached both ciere and roxy first and told them that one of us 3 is going because kori is immune and loris has the idol. and if that were the case, then the other 2 left in the game couldn't win because either loris or kori would take the cake if they are both in the f4. I had to convince them that us 3 making the f4 is best for all of our games. I told them to go to loris and start completely gutting me to him, convince him that everyone else is voting me. telling loris that they feel he's too selfish to not use the idol on himself. once word got to him and he came to me about it, I immediately started saying well great man its been fun love ya dude... but I wish you the best of luck at f4 since without me youll be alone. basically hinting at him to use the idol on me

then there is kori… he needs to go next, there's no question about it. but I had to try and convince him that voting loris out now while he has the chance is in his best interest, and that we've been a f2 this whole game and if worse comes to worse I would vote with him at f4. claiming that if loris makes it, kori will be the bigger threat. I started to leak false alliances to him, to try and get him to feel some type of way that im the only one he can trust, and that me staying this round and loris leaving is our best chance at both making it to ftc, because he wants to go with me since clearly he would win against me... that's how I convinced him to hop on my insane, wild, stupid plan to tell loris im the one leaving so he can play his idol on me. then another emma happens and he goes this vote…

If this plan works out, it will be absolutely brilliant, but also hands down the most brutal thing ive done in any org I've played, hence why I'm so frenetic. I can't say this enough but ill say it once, loris does NOT DESERVE THIS AT ALL. not at all. He has been one of my absolute favorite allies ive ever had in an org, and I couldn't be happier to have met him. What I'm doing to him this vote is honestly so brutal I can't even explain how brutal it is. But I came here to win. That's why I play orgs, is to go as far as I absolutely can. And if loris makes it to f4, I don't win. Period. My best shot at winning this game is going f3 with ciere and Roxy, and all im doing is trying my best to ensure that happens so i have the best shot at winning this game. Sure this could blow up in my face and get me voted out instead, but I feel and hope ive done a pretty good job at explaining and convincing how one of those 2 will win this game if they both make f4 and that ciere and Roxy stand a way better chance against me. Here goes nothing, I came to play hard and take risks, so heres one of the biggest risks yet. I'm so so so sorry loris, I just, fucking love you god I hate orgs Why do I put myself through these.

Random thoughts featuring me, Ci’ere!: I think this plan worked a lil too well I convinced Loris to vote out Sam and not use the idol on him but if I can't vote out Loris or Kori Sam is the next best thing and a move for myself sam loris and kori have a final 3 sam told Loris about our final 3 with Kori Kori tells me that Loris has an idol and Sam also tells me that he has one moments later but Loris was planning to vote for Roxy Loris plans to vote to Roxy because he thinks that this plan to get Loris to play an idol on Sam is impossible Sam comes up with a brilliant plan to get Loris to play his idol on Sam which would need convincing by me Loris has no relationship with Roxy and Kori is trying to be this saint and doesn't wanna be in on it Roxy was originally trying to vote for me in the event that Loris played the idol on himself everyone feels closest to Sam: Loris, Kori, Roxy and maybe even me even if I don't want to be taking out Sam would be a move that I could call my own I went off on Kori because he's acting like he's superior for winning immunity and that he'll win the next one too. I'm gonna do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I also went off on Roxy because she acted fake and sent me hearts that she was down to vote for Loris when she was already told that he had an idol I was very hangry... I had a very long talk with Loris and I was trying to convince him that I would vote for Sam. I believe it worked, but it worked just a little too well because Loris wants to now vote for Sam as well ASDFG I also accidentally slipped and told Loris "we need Loris to believe that it's you" or something of the sort. Luckily, I saved myself by scapegoating Kori and telling Loris that I acted on Kori's delusions that I would vote out Loris in a f4 situation if we were to take out Sam. This means promising Loris that I'm taking him to the end and whew gurl between Kori and Loris I'm not even sure what I'd do but Loris has played better I believe Sam tried turning all of us on each other while he'd be the middleman and have a clear shot at making it to the end with a great story. Which means Sam's relationship with Loris isn't as strong as Sammy thot ASDF Okay nvm Sam just got confirmation that Loris is idoling him OMG THIS WORKED??? I'M SHAKING Sam might've came up with the plan, but I put it into motion and convinced Loris that we were all gunning for Sam & I also got Kori to tell Loris that he was voting Sam. I spooked Loris into voting me... I'd say my acting skillz were on point for this one hehe If Loris happens to end up idoling himself and voting for me or he in fact does vote for Sam, I need a safety net and I need to make sure the next best thing is sent home. So I’m going to be voting for Sam as a precautionary measure because sis ain’t going nowhere okcurrrr.

Loris is voted out 3-1-1*

[survivorathena-motunui]

Ep. 8:  Jury Duty and Lower Andes are the Real Threats ~ Drew

Anyway it flopped and backfired and Kevin went home and I hope he still likes me.

Here are my parting words. Fuck Ashley and Keegan (probably). The only people I can trust are Jay and my goddamn dog. Kevin out

Okay so I was at work all day and while that was going on Ashley caught on to Jay and Kevin possibly feeding info to Drew. Or at least that's what JD and LA said. So, they switched their votes to Kevin. Which after a quick discussion with Ashley 5 minutes before the votes were due, we agreed it's probably for the best. So Ashley, JD, LA and myself all voted for Kevin. And Jay got a self vote. So with that, Kevin went home. And he said he had an idol in his pocket. Moving forward, it looks like Ashley, JD, LA and myself are now working together, rather than the Wholesome Happening. Is this a good thing? That remains to be seen. But at the moment I'm safely in the majority. And LA, Drews highest target is still in the game, providing me with a bit of a meat shield. This is a crazy game and so much is going on .

That.... Was not exactly what I thought was going to happen tonight but another potential number for Drew is gone. Hopefully, if we can get him to NOT BE IMMUNE, then we could MAYBE get him out. We still need to be weary of the idols and whatever. RIP Kevin. Poor baby. 

I swear to God. In this game I am Spiderman.... You know. My spider senses are tingling.... Or Deadpool, he's Canadian and he had a moment of "my common sense is ringing" 

I am truly amazed that we made it through that round. Am I happy with the way that is upset Jay? Hell no. Do I care? In the game no I don't care, in real life yeah I care. I'm not kidding when I say that I adore Jay, I'm just hoping that she doesn't hold it against me. But I would like to add that one the flip side of that, after tribal, Ashley told me that that herself, Keegan, Jay and Kevin were all working together and they were planing on taking out LA so, that is a huge reason why I don't care (in game) that she's upset. She ended up self voting because she had a headache, fare. If I have a headache I don't want to be anywhere where I have to think. If nothing else she knew almost all day that I was looking at voting Kevin and her only argument agent it was that it was a bad idea. I don't wanna say that she staged her headache, but it came at a very perfect time to keep herself natural. if it was a plan it was a good one really, I mean me and Lori don't look at her any different. She was always a number for me rather or not I was going to go to the end with her. Anyway, I tried to get Drew to give me the Rainbow Idol today, I think I almost had it too but I think in the end he felt that LA was going to go home anyway and I was going to be bitter and I wouldn't have given it back. The real question was if I was actually going to give it back or not. IDK! Probably, unless he won the next challenge, then I would have held it hostage so I didn't get sent home with it. Or I would have tried to use it to send him home, I don't really know what it does so I'm also unsure what I would have done with it. So other then my big melt down that I am surprised didn't send me home, like why did they still vote for LA? If that was my group I would of had them switch the votes. like the first time Drew does not win immunity, I probs wont vote for him, might go for Jack instead. I really do need to send Lori home though, I can't go to the final with her other wise (if Jay is not with me) I can hear her question already and I don't think it would be good... Probably me to Lydia in my season. I was not the nicest person ever. I think that at this point everyone knows that I have an idol, I think that Kevin went home with one and Jack has the other one? Maybe, if I heard him right. Anyway, it wouldn't have mattered if Kevin had the idol or not, it really came down to Keegan and Ashley on that one, the only way that Kevin would have been comfortable enough  not to play it was if he knew he had the numbers. BTW AMANDA! That was a very long pause at tribal! Whos gonna play it... Probs because I ranted in the host chat about my metal struggles. Anyway.... I'm obsessed with this face so have another one: 

You wanna know how I feel about tonight? About my biggest ally and only real friend going home because of MY stupid ass plan? About being totally out of the loop with my allies? About everybody being angry at me and yelling at me in pm about how stupid and frustrating I am? About BEING as stupid and frustrating as I am? About spending two hours making a spreadsheet for the challenge and then fucking up after ten minutes even though I'm literally gonna go home without immunity?

I just fucked up in the challenge, I feel like I didn't make it high enough to win which sucks cause I'm pretty sure I needed to win this one. 

Kevin was voted out, and it's a good thing because it seems like he flipped which is what we were worried about.

Jay is upset though? I get it seems like we've all paired off but I can't go to ftc with JD and apparently she was using my name last round, its only a matter of time before one of us actually goes for the other.

I'm also unsure if Jay is really upset or playing us, which sounds terrible but people say she's a really good player and this would be a good move. I DON'T KNOW. I like Jay and don't want her upset but I also don't wanna be played, the struggle of this game.

The last thing is JD claims to have an idol now. Kevin said he had one too and someone already used an idol ? so I don't know.

Only thing I know is Drew needs to stop coming at me every tribal. 

I'm so sad. I miss Kevin. I don't trust JD and LA and I don't trust Drew even though he's being nice to me and Jack hates me and I'm assuming Keegan and Ashley don't like me because they never talk to me. I know I'm objectively in an okay position because I'm still in the middle, but I'm tired of the middle. I'm mad at the initials and I'm sad. 

So Lori said she flipped this challenge with 40 bundles. I'm hoping this turns out like post every ten minutes challenge cus she thought she flipped that one too. I've got 61 so if she flipped then I really didn't do that great ether. 

Okay 110th confession today. Time for a classic Jay B confession. Anyone who's hosted me knows. It's the confession where I decide it's time to go balls to the wall. To really go for it in the game and stop giving a fuck. So that's the plan. Drew has one of the most crackedt plans I've ever heard up his sleeve, and I live for it. Everyone who's wronged me can vote for me at the end. Everyone left in the game (besides Jack hi) has done better than me in any game I've ever played. I deserve better. Fuck everyone except me. Villain Jay is coming out to play. She's back. She's in. She's going to kill everyone. I don't care. Goodbye.

Still unsure about where Jay really stands and JD needs to go, jfc. At this point it feels like she's running the game, along with Keegan and Ashley. I don't wanna suggest blindsiding Keegan right now because I think Jay will flip when we do but idk. I also have to work soon so I can't plot for long. fsdghriuhdfgdf. 

So! Here's the tea! The tea, besides the fact that I'm going to win, is that I'm with Jack and Drew. Basically, I really really feel like the initials have been playing me this entire game. Love them to death, really, but. Well. JD put my position into perspective when she told me the plan for tonight (hers is 3 on jack, 2 on drew, supposedly) and said "Ashley and Keegan are already on board with it." Look JD, if ashland and kegels are your f4, you need to be way more subtle. If you're making me choose between being #5 in one alliance and #3 in another, it's probably better for me to be #3. I'm the only person who doesn't have an f2, so all I have is to pray that this season is an f3 and stick with the people who can get me there. If I could get the initials to go for Keegan or Ashley tonight instead of drack, that would be ideal, but if they won't, then I'm definitely done voting with them. So there's what's happening, confessional gods. ________________________________________________________________ Update I just had the ugliest realization of my life. My best chance to win. Is. To go with. Keegan and Ashley.

I'm dying tonight. Or rather, I truly hope I am not dying tonight, but I am more than willing to put myself at risk to follow my gut. I've been holding onto the hope that one day Alley and Kieran would see reason. That Jury Duty and Lower Andes are the real threats, they're the only ones who can beat each other. And every time, both of them have turned against me, Ashland especially. Jack-O-Lantern Designs literally has immunity and a hidden immunity idol, and a best friend in Legal Analysis. On the flip side, Laser Attention has the battered player syndrome of having to survive being targeted so long to get to the end. IT'S INSANE TO STICK WITH THEM. And yet Geaken and Halsey seem to be perfectly fine with either 2nd and 3rd, or 3rd and 4th, or 4th and 5th. So I've given up on them. Tonight, Jay has been told in her alliance chat with Jefferson Davis and Lily Aldrin that the vote is going to split 3-2-2, to prepare for my idol. She says they're leaning toward 3 on Jack and 2 on me, because the majority of idol possibilities, minus the topaz idol, would still leave them with some form of revote possibilities. I do have the topaz idol, but I feel like that's completely irrelevant. I'm not playing it on myself. They lied to Jay about voting for Kumquat after Steven, and then they lied again to send Kevin home. I don't trust this plan is real, I can't for even a second, because I don't think they're gonna go with a plan that leaves them that vulnerable. So the topaz idol is being played on Jay B tonight. She doesn't know it. Jack doesn't know it. No one knows it but me. And I suppose now you as well, dear readers. But I genuinely believe that their four are going to vote for Jay and blindside her and get me to flush my idol, and they'll all be fine. They'd still have to contend with me, but they'd have four strong. Anyway I guess if this is my last episode, it's a really good bookend to my Athena journey. My first game, I got sent home because of an idol, because I didn't follow my gut and got it played on the wrong person. This season, if I go, it's not because I sat here trying to protect my own interests. It's because I followed my gut to its logical conclusion and gave myself the potential for keeping my best chance of making it to the end. I hope I'm right, I hope I'm not buying myself 7th place, I hope I'm still here tomorrow, but I'm okay with this. This feels right.

Apparently JD/LA/Keegan/Ashley are splitting votes on me and Drew? Unless they're lying, then probably they're all voting Jay. We're gonna try to vote for Ashley I think? My only chance at making ftc is to look confused, which... isn't very hard.

So it's a double tribal sort of tonight. Tribal, challenge, tribal. All within a single night. RIP. So JD is spewing out all these scenarios and ideas for how we should vote and I guess it's fallen into 3 votes for Drew and 2 votes for Jack. Honestly though I think that's a waste. Drew has that rainbow idol and I can 100% guarantee he's playing it tonight, so why throw so many votes on him when we know they'll be negated? But it's JD's plan so when it fails and LA is likely voted out, we can push the blame onto her. Which is fine. I think Ashley and I are in a pretty good spot. We've got LA and JD as one alliance and then another with Jay. As long we don't get votes sent towards us for either of these tribals we'll be golden. If we vote out Drew or Jack at the first tribal, it could be best for Ashley and myself to then flip it around and vote out LA or JD. We need to keep ourselves on the top. 

So this day has been interesting. I'm now at the point where I'm betting my idol to people that I'm not sure if I even want to go into the end with. I'm so unsure if I want Ashley and Keegan with me or not because I feel like they just know more people and those people could very easily asssume that they did all the stuff and I just came along for a ride. I would be the 3ed, there is no way around that but I don't wanna be the 3ed. But I can't make a move on then yet because without them I don't have the numbers. Okay so the day started with me at work going over ..... Wait maybe I should go back a little father. Like day before yesterday, when Kevin got voted out the 'i killed and eel, I buried it's guts' alliance started but I wasn't a huge fan of it cus I like Kevin and I feel like he was the eel. I want to say that maybe we shouldn't have voted him out but there was no other way, during that vote it was clear that he had flipped on us so he had to go. So anyway, I told them I'd go to the final with them. I mean if everyone thinks i have finals with everyone else then I might as well do it. Can't have people thinking that I do t want to go with them but that is go with the rest of the tribe. Earlier me and Keegan had worked out a plan to vote 3votes for drew, 2 votes for Jack and 2 votes for whoever they vote for. I worked though 4 possibilities. And only 1 has any real negative on them because of the possibility of all vote to Drew turning into votes for the person Drew votes for. So whoever him and Jack vote for will end up with like... Enough votes to go home. In my mind that is LA, the only reason he would have to change his vote is of he knows I have the idol and that I am playing it on her. Which I'm not and jay say she didn't tell him so there should be no reason to change the vote. And I louse my alliance member. 2. Top two votes are safe and in a 2-2-3 with LA, Jack, and Drew. They are all save and then we would have a re-vote (or maybe Amanda will take us right to rocks to save time but I didn't tell them that one) 3. Drew's idol can be played after the vote which, as far as I know has not been done before so idk if Amanda would put it in a second chance season. But if that's a thing then there would be a toe and a re-vote and goodbye jack 4. Most unlikely and now near impossible. Jack and drew uses idols and LA goes home. But Jack said he hasn't been to the reef I a long time. That being said I don't think he'd have been able to get the idol, the rainbow idol. He's just too.... Not into it I guess. But what better what to hide it then to to have your alliance member say they have it and then play dumb. Anyway, me and Keegan bother got the beginning idols, Kevin might have gotten the one after merge andif jack hasn't been to the reef in a wheelchair he wouldn't have gotten the one Keegan had used. So it was set that we would do a 3drew, 2jack vote. But now it's all kinds of fucked up. In 100% sure that Keegan and Ashley are flipping while I am saying this. They are probs gonna promise not to vote for drew and they will probs vote for jay. Because they don't trust her and if they find out that drew isn't using her then why keep her and I have immunity and an idol. I could use my idol on jay, assuming that my gut is telling the truth and they are flipping. My guy has very rarely been wrong and if that is all the case then idoling Jay is the best move. But at the same time I'm just like... Jay thinks that drew is convinced that she is with him. But ready... If he took jay over Keegan and Ashley then he wouldn't really have the numbers. It's going to be one hell of a night and we'll see what happens.

[westsidevideo]

How Do You Solve A Problem Like An Oscar?

The 89th Academy Awards are happening this month, and once again, we look to the group behind each Oscar nomination and win to find for us the year's best films from around the world. Unfortunately, that prestigious voting body does not always manage to find the best of the best... and when that happens, we call it like it is: a snub. Here are some of the most egregious snubs: [Look for Ashlyn’s ratings in the brackets, as usual.] Doubt (2008, PG-13) - This tale of Catholic school politics and potential impropriety is brilliant in its plotting and tone. This is the first time Viola Davis broke hearts across the continent in a film, too, and she deserved that Best Supporting Actress trophy. [I'm guessing kids and young teens will have very little interest in this film. A certain level of maturity is required for enjoyment.] 4 Months, 3 Weeks, And 2 Days (2007, Unrated) - In 1980s Romania, where birth control is forbidden and terminating a pregnancy is punishable by death, a woman clandestinely helps her friend arrange an illegal abortion. It failed to get a Best Foreign Language Film nomination, which is just...it's a mess, y'all. [This movie is pretty depressing, and involves some pretty heavy matters. I'm going to say anyone under 16 should just watch Juno instead.] City Of God (2002, R) - The Tender Trio in Rio de Janeiro grows up before our eyes, with each boy taking a different path over the span of twenty years. This gripping, brutal coming of age film didn't win any categories, and somehow wasn't nominated at all for Best Foreign Language Film. How in the world? [This is a grown-ups movie.] Do The Right Thing (1989, R) - This landmark Spike Lee picture brings us the hottest day during some real tense times in Brooklyn's Bed-Stuy neighborhood. Spike Lee has never won an Academy Award, though he was given an honorary award in 2015. The only actor nominated for an Oscar for their work on this extraordinary film was Danny Aiello. [Older teens on this one. There a LOT going on in this one, and it will just be too much for kids.] His Girl Friday (1940, Unrated) - What a whirlwind this one is! Howard Hawks pushed the pace by having his hugely talented cast add glib extras and talk over each others. This popular, enduring film didn't manage a single nomination. Boo. [This one's pretty family friendly. Innuendo will go over the littles' heads.] The Maltese Falcon (1941, Unrated) - John Huston, an absolute film titan, here directs Humphrey Bogart in a spiny noir involving a detective, a dame, various criminals, and a bird statuette. The film got a few nominations, but lost out to How Green Was My Valley and the lesser known Here Comes Mr Jordan. [Little kids probably won't get any of the plot, but it's otherwise reasonably family friendly. There's smoking, drinking, and some 40s violence.] The Shining (1980, R) - This Stephen King adaptation has long been the source of tween nightmares and everyone being scared of Jack Nicholson's face, yet it garnered not one Oscar nod. Horror is one of those genres that simply isn't treated well by major awards, maybe to the detriment of all filmmaking. [I saw this first when I was about 7 years old. I can't watch Lakers games because Nicholson might be there. Maybe start with 12 year olds you really wanna spook.] The Shawshank Redemption (1994, R) - A man is wrongfully imprisoned at the Shawshank facility and chooses to deal with his new hardships by making friends and performing small kindnesses. What a picture! Unfortunately, this was in the running the same year as Forrest Gump, and somebody didn't know how to share. [This is a pretty rough one, even for teens. With trigger warnings for rape and prison guard beatings, I'd still say 17 and up.] Pulp Fiction (1994, R) - How in tarnation did Pulp Fiction, one of the most popular films on the planet, not win a single Oscar? Most especially unfair is Samuel L Jackson not winning Best Supporting Actor. Again- Forrest Gump doesn't share. [Most teens will probably be fine. This is a Quentin Tarantino film, so, you know...there's gonna be a lot of blood and language.] My Own Private Idaho (1991, R) - River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves are a couple of young hustlers, serving whatever clients come their way in Portland while going through the self-discoveries of coming of age. So many feels, helped by a gorgeous score. This one did splendidly at the Independent Spirit Awards, but got no Oscar nods. [This is pretty grown up material. Mature older teens and up.] A League Of Their Own (1992, PG) - This here is a fictionalized account of a team from the Women's Baseball League, featuring fun, heartfelt performances from Geena Davis, Lori Petty, Tom Hanks, Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, and more. It's got everything a movie should have, and yet, the Academy did not agree. Well, they're wrong. [If you don't like this movie, you might be dead inside. All ages okay.] American Me (1992, R) - Edward James Olmos plays a Chicano gangster who goes directly from reform school to prison and emerges, eighteen years later, in a new world- one where all the violence in his life no longer makes sense. It's beautiful and visceral and it got no Oscar nods, which is just a shame. [This is rough. There's a ton of realistic physical and sexual violence. Grown ups only.] Fruitvale Station (2013, R) - This film is a day-in-the-life storytelling master class. The fact that it got no nominations proves that politics were interfering in art matters. It's only supposed to go the other way. [Older teens should be fine. Oscar Grant was killed while handcuffed by a BART cop in front of a full passenger train. This documents his last 24 hours.] The Kid Stays In The Picture (2002, R) - This documentary mirrors the autobiography of Robert Evans, legendary producer at Paramount and the first actor to ever run a film studio. This got nominations or wins at a huge amount of festivals and ceremonies, but zero Oscar nods. Sounds like hurt feelings, tbh. [There is quite a bit of language, but other than that it should probably be PG-13.] Children Of Men (2006, R) - This is one of the best science fiction movies of the century so far. In the near-ish future, women around the world have become infertile, no children have been born for nearly 20 years, and yet, miraculously, one woman becomes pregnant. In this world where humanity is actively dying, a former activist agrees to transport the potential mother of the future to a safe haven. This garnered nominations in adapted screenplay, cinematography, and editing, but won no awards. [This is a hard movie to watch, but I think teens can see the violence for what it is- indicative of the lengths to which any of us might go to survive.] In Bruges (2008, R) - After a job gone wrong, two hitmen are sent to cool off and await further instruction from their boss in Belgium, which is the end of the world for the younger man and a sweet refuge for the older, wiser partner. The smaller McDonagh brother directing Brendan Gleeson, Colin Farrell, and an excellent supporting cast makes for wacky movie magic, but the film was nominated for just the screenplay award, and didn't win. [There is a ton of language and strong, visceral violence. 16+.] Gran Torino (2008, R) - A curmudgeonly, racist Korean War veteran decides to reform his young Hmong neighbor when the kid tries to swipe the old man's Gran Torino. Against his will, he ends up connecting with the family and working to protect them from negative outside influences. Since when does a movie directed by and starring Clint Eastwood get no big nods? [There is a LOT of language, and quite a bit of violence. 16+.] Sin Nombre (2009, R) - A Hunduran young woman is traveling through Mexico on train tops with the ultimate goal of successfully crossing the border and gaining access to the US. The adventure could cost her her life. Is it worth it? We think the movie is, although it didn't secure even a Best Foreign Language Film nod. [This one is rough. There is a lot of realistic violence, including sexual violence, and some language. I'll say 16+, if they can handle brutality.] The Intouchables (2011, R) - A French millionaire becomes a quadriplegic in a paragliding accident and hires the uncouth African young man who just wants a signature on his unemployment paperwork. The challenge changes both of their lives and outlooks... even though it didn't sway the Academy into a single nomination. [This is a PG-13 movie plus f-words. Tweens and up should be fine.] Let The Right One In (2008, R) - This is a stark and startlingly human monster story, and should be viewed in its original language if at all possible. This is also one of the few movies that is hands down better than the book on which it is based! Where are the Oscars for directing, cinematography, adapted screenplay, and/or foreign language film? [This one is probably technically fine for tweens and up. Not a lot happens on screen, although there is some blood.] The Book Of Eli (2010, R) - In a post-apocalyptic world, one man traverses the country to protect a book he believes will save the remaining population. Denzel Washington should have a museum of Academy Awards with his name on them by now, honestly. [There is violence, that's for sure, but if you know it's coming I'd call this a 14+ movie.] Calvary (2014, R) - The elder McDonagh brother and Brendan Gleeson take another film outing together in this dry-witted, moodily shot story of a priest who has been threatened with death in the confession booth. [This is on the level of In Bruges; older teens will probably be okay with the violence, although they may not understand all the dialogue without the subtitles on.] Far From The Madding Crowd (2015, PG-13) - This is a beautiful adaptation of Thomas Hardy's novel, wherein Victorian England's Bathsheba Everdene must choose a suitor, sure, but also run her life in a manner most women of the time could not have accomplished. How did this not win a costuming award? [Eh, it's pretty family-friendly, as far as period piece romances go. Hardy is perhaps my least favorite author, but I still really liked this adaptation, so it's worth it if any of his books are assigned in school, too.] Creed (2015, PG-13) - Ryan Coogler and Michael B Jordan reunite for this new addition to the Rocky franchise- and it's good enough to be a franchise in its own right. Somehow, with a Black writer/director, male lead, and female lead, the only Oscar was for Sylvester Stallone in his supporting role. [If watching an actual boxing match is okay for your kids, watching this movie is probably okay too.] Blow Out (1981, R) - Brian De Palma combines with pre-horrible John Travolta to bring us the story of a sound artist who gets caught up with evidence of a murder. Nowadays films that show Hollywood a piece of itself get major awards, so not sure how this got left out. [There's some language, quite a bit of realistic violence, and some scenes of a sexual nature. I see why it's R, although exceptions could be made.] All these are just off the top! What do you think are some snubs we missed?