#also its a little weird to me the extent of the focus is on that body part

[contagious-watermelon]

now listen. i love me some normalization of "unexpected" genitals for men and women as much as the next guy. but at some point it starts to feel like you guys have forgotten that bottom surgery is a thing that exists and that many trans people get

[ponderingmoonlight]

Hello!! If you’re still taking requests I’d love to see a Nanami x Reader fic where the reader is pregnant but doesn’t realize yet but I’d like showing OBVIOUS symptoms and for Nanami to start to catch on to them, I don’t know if that’s like weird? 😭 Also I hope you’re doing good!!

THIS. IS. EVERYTHING.

Yeah, we're doing this right now

Nanami realizing you're pregnant before you do

Pairing: Nanami x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,2k

Synopsis: well, basically the request above hehe

Warnings: I mean, reader is pregnant lol, fluff fluff fluff, Nanami is just the greenest flag I can't, please tell me you enjoy this as much as I do, I LOVE THAT MAN

Lately, everything feels… off.

It's subtle at first. Mornings are harder than they used to be, a strange kind of sluggishness that lingers in your limbs no matter how much coffee you drink after waking up. Your back aches at the most random times. And don't even get started on the nausea that strikes out of nowhere, leaving you clutching the bathroom sink with trembling hands.

But, still, it doesn’t cross your mind - not at first.

Nanami’s been noticing though. He’s always been perceptive, sharp in the way he observes the world, but lately, his focus seems to rest more on you. It starts with the small things: a subtle glance as you push your breakfast away with a grimace, the way his brow furrows when you wince, pressing a hand to your lower back. He doesn’t ask you about it immediately, and you’re grateful for that. Nanami doesn’t rush things, never has. He knows you well enough to wait until the right moment.

Today, however, something is different.

It’s a quiet Saturday morning. You’re both in the kitchen, sunlight streaming through the curtains in soft beams. Nanami’s making coffee, his movements precise as always, while you sit at the kitchen table with your hands wrapped around a cup of ginger tea. You’ve been craving that instead of coffee these days, the rich scent of the brew turning your stomach in a way it never used to. To be honest, you’ve never been a tea drinker your whole life.

He’s noticed that too.

You yawn, stifling the sound behind your hand as you stretch in your chair. There’s a strange heaviness in your body, and the thought of going back to bed, even after a full night’s sleep, is oddly tempting. It’s the third time this week that the idea of a nap has crossed your mind before noon. You blink hard, forcing your eyes to focus, and turn to Nanami, who’s watching you over the rim of his cup.

“Are you feeling alright?” he questions, his tone neutral but his eyes searching.

“Yeah, why?” you respond, but your voice lacks its usual energy.

Even to your own ears, it sounds tired. You clear your throat and offer a small smile, hoping to brush off the question as well as the wave of concern that starts bubbling up your chest all over again.

“I’ve just been a little out of it lately, that’s all.”

Nanami places his cup down on the counter, his gaze never leaving your face.

“You’ve been ‘a little out of it’ for a while now, darling.”

There’s a weight to his words, a quiet concern that has your defenses rising instinctively. You sit up straighter, forcing a more convincing smile this time.

“I’m fine, really. Just tired. It’s probably work.”

It’s true, to some extent. Work has been stressful, the usual demands piling up, but this exhaustion feels… different. It’s deeper, sinking into your bones in a way that no amount of rest seems to fix.

Nanami doesn’t say anything right away, but you can feel him assessing you. His silence is almost louder than words. You know he won’t push you to talk, but his patience, the way he waits for you to come to your own conclusion, can be just as insistent.

You sigh, leaning back in your chair and rubbing at your eyes. There’s no way you’ll get out of this situation, not when your beloved boyfriend sits opposite of you with his calm but demanding orbs staring straight through your soul.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m coming down with something?”

It’s a flimsy excuse, and you both know it. But before you can think of anything else to say, a wave of nausea hits you hard and fast, making you lurch forward. You press a hand to your mouth, eyes wide as the world tilts just slightly. Oh god, not again.

Nanami is at your side in an instant, his hand on your back, warm and grounding.

“Hey, hey… breathe,” he murmurs gently, his thumb rubbing small circles against your spine.

“It’s okay. Just breathe.”

You close your eyes and focus on the rhythm of your breathing, counting each inhale and exhale until the nausea begins to subside. Slowly, you sit back, wiping at your mouth with the back of your hand. The embarrassment is hot on your face, and you can’t quite meet Nanami’s eyes.

“I’m fine, Kento”, you mutter, though you can tell it sounds unconvincing.

Nanami’s hand is still on your back, his touch firm yet gentle. He doesn’t say anything, not yet. You know he’s waiting, giving you space to figure out what’s going on. But even through your haze of denial, a part of you knows the truth is starting to unravel.

“Does this happen often?”

His voice is calm, but there’s an undercurrent of something more. Something you can’t quite place.

You swallow hard, not sure how to answer.

“It’s just been the past couple of weeks,” you admit quietly.

“I think it’s stress. Maybe some kind of stomach bug?”

Nanami’s brow furrows slightly, and he crouches down beside your chair, his eyes searching your face with that same quiet intensity.

“Are there any other symptoms?”

Your mouth opens to say no, but then you stop, thinking back over the past few weeks. The tiredness, the nausea, the strange sensitivity to smells, your shifting moods - small things you’d brushed off or tried to ignore. But now, all at once, it feels like they’re adding up, slotting together in a way that you hadn’t considered before.

You glance down at your hand, the one resting on your stomach, and something inside you clicks.

Oh.

Oh.

Nanami must notice the shift in your expression because his hand stills on your back.

“What is it?” he asks, his voice low and steady.

You swallow hard, the words catching in your throat before you finally manage to speak.

“I think… I might be pregnant.”

There. You’ve said it. And the weight of those words hangs heavy in the air between you, a truth you hadn’t been ready to acknowledge until now.

Kento doesn’t react immediately. His expression stays calm, though you can see the flicker of something in his eyes - surprise, perhaps, or maybe something more. Did he already suspect this? Is this why he pushed you to think about your symptoms further? Slowly, he straightens up, standing in front of you now as he takes a deep breath.

“Are you sure?”

You shake your head, feeling a little lost.

“I’m not. I… I hadn’t really thought about it until just now.”

The truth is, you hadn’t considered the possibility at all. With everything going on - work, life, the general busyness of existing, it hadn’t crossed your mind that this could be the reason behind everything you’ve been feeling.

But now that it’s out in the open, you can’t help but wonder how you missed the signs.

Nanami’s hand gently cups your chin, tilting your face up so that you’re looking at him. His gaze is steady, calm in a way that grounds you, just like always.

“Let’s not jump to conclusions yet,” he says quietly.

“But if you think there’s a chance…”

You nod, your throat suddenly tight.

“Yeah. There might be.”

For a long moment, neither of you says anything. The air between you feels thick with unspoken emotions, a quiet understanding settling between you. Nanami steps closer, his hand moving from your chin to cup your cheek instead, his thumb brushing against your skin.

“We’ll figure this out,” he murmurs, his voice soft.

“Together.”

The sincerity in his words washes over you, bringing with it a flood of emotions you hadn’t realized you were holding back. You blink, your vision blurring slightly as you reach up to cover his hand with yours.

“I’m scared,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.

Nanami’s expression softens, and he leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“I know. But whatever happens, we’ll face it together. I promise” he mutters against your skin.

You nod, your heart swelling with a mix of fear, uncertainty, and something else, something warmer, softer. You aren’t alone in this. No matter what happens, you have your boyfriend by your side, steady and unshakable.

He pulls back slightly, his eyes meeting yours again.

“Do you want to take a test?” he asks, his voice careful, as if he’s gauging your readiness.

You hesitate, biting your lip.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, I guess I should, right?”

Nanami nods, but he doesn’t push.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

The idea of taking a test feels overwhelming, like it would make everything real in a way you’re not sure you’re prepared for. But at the same time, the uncertainty is starting to weigh on you, the not knowing gnawing at the edges of your thoughts.

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment as you try to gather yourself. When you open them again, Nanami is still there, watching you with that quiet patience you’ve come to rely on so much.

“Okay,” you say finally, your voice trembling just a little.

“Okay. I’ll take a test.”

Nanami squeezes your hand gently, a reassuring presence beside you.

“I’ll go get one,” he offers, his tone calm and matter-of-fact, like he’s suggesting something as simple as picking up groceries.

You nod, feeling a little more settled now that a decision has been made.

“Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

He leans down, pressing another soft kiss to your forehead before pulling back.

“I’ll be back soon.”

With that, he grabs his keys and heads for the door, casting one last glance over his shoulder before he slips out into the hallway.

Once he’s gone, the quiet of the apartment feels almost too loud. You sit there for a long moment, staring at the cup of tea in front of you, your mind racing with thoughts you can’t quite hold onto.

Pregnant. You might be pregnant.

The idea feels too big, too surreal to grasp, and yet it’s there, lingering just at the edge of your awareness. A part of you is scared, terrified of the changes this could bring. But another part, a part you’re only just beginning to acknowledge, feels something else. Hope, maybe? Excitement? It’s hard to tell.

All you know for sure is that everything feels different now, that your whole life will be turned upside down if this test comes out positive.

When Nanami returns a short while later, test in hand, you take it from him with trembling fingers. He doesn’t say anything, just gives you a small, reassuring nod as you disappear into the bathroom.

The minutes that follow are some of the longest of your life. You pace back and forth in front of the sink, your heart pounding in your chest as you wait for the results. The silence feels deafening, and all you can do is focus on your breathing, trying to keep yourself calm.

Finally, the time is up. You glance down at the test, your breath catching in your throat as you read the result.

Positive.

You stare at it for a long moment, your mind struggling to process what you’re seeing. And then, slowly, the reality starts to sink in.

You’re pregnant.

With shaking hands, you open the bathroom door to find Nanami standing just outside, waiting. He looks up at you, his expression calm but expectant.

“Well?” he asks quietly.

You swallow hard, your voice catching in your throat as you hold up the test.

“It’s positive.”

For a moment, Nanami doesn’t say anything. His eyes flicker to the test in your hand, and then back to your face, his expression unreadable. And then, slowly, he steps forward, wrapping his arms around you in a gentle, grounding embrace.

“We’re going to be okay,” he murmurs against your hair.

“You’re going to be okay.”

And somehow, with his arms around you, you really believe him. Maybe you will be able to work this out. After all, you have none other than Kento Nanami by your side, right?

“Kento…”, you begin, the flood of sniffs and wild emotions now slowly but surely calming down.

“What is it, darling?”

“Did you…did you know?”

He sends a small smile your way while gently stroking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I couldn’t be sure. But after seeing you like this for a couple of weeks now, I had some suspicions”, he admits quietly.

You let out a huff.

“I can’t believe you realized it earlier than I did.”

“You are my life, (y/n). I notice every little thin about you.”

“And now you’ll be the father of a child”, you breathe out.

The words still feel strange while rolling off your tongue. Kento Nanami will be a father – the father of your child.

You are pregnant.

This is real.

“And I couldn’t ask for a better mother for my child.”

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[kinardsboy]

Prefacing this by saying i don’t hate Eddie or buddie in any way, im only tagging this as anti buddie so people can filter out criticism on a ship that they enjoy ❤️

This post doesnt really have a specific theme, I’m just kinda rambling here so bear with me lol

Something that has been bothering me for a while about the gay eddie hc, is that at least the canon basis/evidence for it, is honestly a little homophobic? Most often people claim he’s gay because of how he treats women poorly and how many failed relationships he’s been in and I just.. first off have you MET a straight man?? 😭 thats how they are..(For the most part). Secondly it’s a negative stereotype that gay men dont treat women well, so having that be one of your main points to make Eddie gay rubs me the wrong way, especially when it comes from non queer men. The other main point I see is the quote “it feels like a performance” but the thing about that quote is , its taken extremely out of context.

He was literally talking about being set up on dates, being FORCED to date instead of letting it happen naturally. Thats what feels like a performance.

I have never understood why Eddie also cant be bisexual if queer at all. he has been clearly shown to enjoy having sex with women.

And another thing that bothers me is that buddie fans shout all the time about wanting whats best for Buck, and then want him shoved in a relationship with a man that has never treated a romantic partner fairly. Again, this isnt Eddie hate but the guy needs serious therapy. He’s a good friend and a good dad, ultimately hes a good person too but he’s not a good partner and that wouldnt change just because he dates Buck.

Bob’s are constantly forcing a heteronormative role onto Buck, especially when it comes to taking care of Christopher and it just, thats not going to solve anything? Like at all? It really makes me feel like they dont understand mlm relationships at all, and what they look like and how they work, especially based on their reactions to how Tommy and Buck interact.

People probably arent going to like this take, but I see fics or posts that constantly put Christopher as Buck’s 1 priority and I just dont think its true. Dont get me wrong I really enjoy the relationship they have, but if any kid on the show has his highest priority, its Jee. Buck spends so much time with Chris because Eddie needs help, if Henren needed help or babysitting more often Buck would seem close to Denny and Mara as well. Im not saying Buck doesnt care or want to hang out with Chris of course, but I feel like people definitely overplay their relationship to an extreme extent. The same goes for buddie in general, especially these last few seasons I dont see buck and Eddie being any closer than eddie and hen or buck and hen or something. Especially considering in 704 Eddie literally didnt invite him to trivia which he knows (or should know) Buck likes lol

And another thing about Christopher is that they turn him into this buddie love child who is SO obsessed with his dad’s sexuality and its just so weird to me. They completely strip him of any independence and personality and turn him into this buddie advocate, and then put him away when he’s no longer useful or needed. Its ableism. Chris is his own character and his story shouldnt focus around Buddie or his dads romantic endeavors AT ALL.

Anyway if you read all of this thanks for indulging my rambling lol

[aihoshiino]

chapter 165 thoughts

Aqua Hoshigan Status: It's Officially Hoshinover

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 1

damn i guess they really did just kill his ass

I'm gonna be so real with you gamers, I kind of don't have a lot to say about this one either lol. Which I acknowledge sounds completely wild given the Everything that happens in it, but most of my meat and potatoes analysis in these reviews comes from breaking down characterization and we're flying through everything at such breakneck pace that we're barely getting any characterization.

It continues to drive me bugfuck insane that Ai is completely absent from this finale despite the importance of 15 Year Lie. Its imagery is plastered all over but whenever we return to it, we just see Aqua. Not only that, but Gotanda is the one who insists on pushing the movie through for Aqua. 15YL as a story about Ai's true self and her tragedy is now officially taking a backseat to being about Aqua's tragic death and legacy. It was already bad enough that we spent so much time in the Movie Arc not actually focusing on Ai to the extent that, as everyone pointed out, based on what we saw on-page it was basically a Sad Kamiki Movie, but this really is just pissing right in the wound at this point lmao.

The funeral scene also serves as the final nail in the coffin for any Secretly Alive Aqua copes, which is kind of a relief. I still don't like how Aqua's death played out, but I think dragging it out for four chapters then going "sorry you thought i was /srs when i was just /jk" would have been infinitely more insulting. I don't like this ending, but I can respect that Akasaka seems to be sticking to his guns on it, even if we still do have like a whole chapter left for him to whip around and go "I WAS /JK ALL ALONG!!!!" but I don't see it happening.

Anyway, yeah! The funeral! Uh. Is it gonna sound weird if I say I felt kind of like… grossed out reading this the first time? Like, I really don't know how else to explain the visceral "why the fuck is the author making me read this" reaction I had to it. I think it's just because Kana is so fucking distraught here and the drama is just so hammy and so over the top that it feels kind of… ech. I dunno. I just really didn't vibe.

It doesn't help that this is part of a much broader pattern in the back half of OnK of Aka getting us right up close into the gory details of a character's complete mental breakdown and suffering and then spend zero time or focus on their recovery. This happened with Ruby all over the Movie Arc and this many times and with this little runway to the end of the series, it just starts to feel exploitative, like a way to cheaply pull at our heartstrings without doing the work to build everyone back up after tearing them down.

also pre-emptively dreading all the fuel this is going to add to the fires of People Who Are Weird And Misogynistic About Kana but she could die saving innocent children from a burning building and people would find reasons to be shitty about her lmao

we really are not seeing ruby's reaction to finding out her brother was dead huh lol

I will say the one thing I didn't Actively Dislike about this chapter was Ruby, though. I was honestly starting to get pretty skeeved out with how many people were gleefully predicting or actively wishing for her immediate suicide purely for ship motivated reasons and I was also worrying that the story was going to pretend that Ruby doesn't like. Have a life and support system outside of Aqua. Yes, she should absolutely be affected by his death but this period of her shutting down only to drag herself back onto her feet that we seem to be getting feels way more in line with pre-Movie Arc flanderization Ruby and I'll take that W where I can get it.

god. I haven't even talked about Kamiki's supposed serial killer cult. I just don't have the strength. Like… that's self-evidently stupid, right? I don't need to explain to you why that's ridiculous and unbelievable? You don't need me to tell you why it's fucking crazy that we're getting this information about the alleged overarching antagonist of the series not only in the second-to-last chapter of the entire series but after he was already dead, right? We can just move on? Ok good. jesus christ.

FINAL CHAPTER NEXT WEEK…

[1960z]

turnabout time traveler is definitely a case designed to facilitate a story that gets a bunch of legacy characters in the same room again to capitalise on original trilogy nostalgia BUT what I think really elevates it above a typical fanservice case is the way nostalgia and living in the past is baked in its themes.

the core message this case is trying to send is that while nostalgia can be nice, if you only live in the past and refuse to move forward, it will be your downfall. we see this primarily with pierce who is obsessed with making the people around him relive his own trauma and grief surrounding his fiancee's death which leads him to causing more pain and tragedy. and to a lesser extent with sorin who, while he can't help that he has ef a tale of memories syndrome (sorry idk what else to call it lmao) still burdens himself with secrets and guilt barely even allowing him to focus on the new memories he's writing down. they're both referred to as "time travelers" for this reason because, time has simply moved on without them.

and as much we might want them to, our main characters can't stay static either. they're moving on too. there are so many moments in this case where maya, just by virtue of being herself, reminds phoenix of mia which makes sense, because she's literally now in the same age range mia was when she died. them working together like this for the first time in who knows how long really forces phoenix to grapple with that she really isn't 17-20 anymore. sure, she may still have a similar outward facing weirdgirl personality but she has also truly matured in a lot of ways and gained a lot of wisdom from all her experiences over the years that she didn't have previously. which yes, has made her a lot like her sister in a lot of ways. and it's an emotional, beautiful experience to see a close friend go through that. even if your friendship isn't the same as it once was, it's evolving for the better.

there are also just little elements of this case's story which make you reminisce about cases previous which really hammers home the feeling of nostalgia for a time past. the whole sibling car accident then subsequent surgery plot line is extremely turnabout reunion. the murder plot planned by a person other than the guy who was supposed to carry it out felt very turnabout goodbyes-esque.

and of course, the murder weapon is a weird novelty clock that you wouldn't even believe is a clock just by looking at it.

it's a case that's both really fun and has a surprising amount of depth. it made me emotional in a lot of ways I wasn't expecting. it was a lovely little end bonus

[safety-writes-noms]

Ok, so firstly, I absolutely LOVE the dynamic between Callisto and Oliver. Just, Oliver trusting his big bro so much, and Callisto caring and protecting his little bro is just *mwa*.

Second (the actual question, lol), does Callisto ever figure out that he wasn't gonna hurt Oliver when he nomed him? And if he does, does it come up again? Like - does Oliver get in more trouble, and Callistos just like - "agh gotta save my baby bro!!" Nom.

Just overall, any info about them you're willing to give me I would absolutely die for. I love them and their dynamic so fricking much, and the fact that its platonic, tbh just makes it better. So many people focus on the romance part of vore, that I just get so excited when I see something like this!! So so lovely!!!

YES!! While i do think that the romance part of vore is pretty cool i find that there’s not a whole bunch of platonic stuff out there either.

While cal is dealing with the existential dread of knowing the full extent of his inhumanness, he’s also trying to figure out why there’s an increased number of reported attacks. theyre dismissed as bear attacks, crazy accidents, etc, and he’s getting suspicious as to why they’re all getting written off so quickly.

Also, despite promising oliver that he’ll stay, cal still keeps his distance because his instincts start acting up around oli and he has no idea what to make of them. He’s terrified of himself and what he could possibly do to his family.

Ethel comes up with family counseling, which is basically just one on one Cal and Oliver. It’s horribly awkward and it feels weird for both of them because they used to be super close and now neither know what to say.

it takes a while and they try to mend their relationship although there's setbacks and some misunderstandings that need to be cleared up. Callisto also is reluctantly convinced to delve deeper into his not so human parts of himself if only to find out if he's genuinely a threat to his loved ones.

surprise surprise, he manages to find out that 1. he doesn't really want to murder his little brother or his family (yay!) and 2. now that his brain has finally caught up with the rest of his biological instincts, he's slightly more open to exploring the rest of what he can do. slightly. he's not overly enthusiastic but its a start, at least.

meanwhile Oliver is struggling with nightmares and though he knows that Cal really wasn't trying to kill him (he was informed immediately after Cal figured it out) its kinds hard to get rid of the fear. it's weird for him since he desperately wants his brother to stay and he wants to spend time with him like he used to, he just can't get over it and it's so frustrating. he's struggling and while he is getting better slowly, it's still impacting him. his trust has been shaken though. on bad days he can't take being in enclosed, dark spaces and he hates the warmth of his blankets twisted around him at night.

(I got sidetracked sorry :v)

in the future, Cal will become secure enough with his identity to accept the fact that he gets weird urges every now and then and they're not the murderous sort. Oliver gets frustrated with his slow improvement and just decides to confront his fears head on, hoping that it'll just solve the problem all together and just asks Cal to nom him.

Cal is incredibly hesistant, but agrees nonetheless since Oliver says it'll help him. plus his instincts are going nuts in his head and while he has the will to ignore them, he can't deny how content he'd be with finally satisfying them. it goes okay, but a definite improvement from last time and Oliver manages to overcome some of his more irrational fears. still some setbacks but overall, not the worst. they're still improving :)

[tubbypeddle]

hihi, could i get a matchup for percy jackson? thank you!

despite my age, i’m rather short at 5’1, with tanned skin and dark hair. my hair is also cut short at just above my shoulders. i present as female, and often use makeup such as eyeliner.

my fashion preferences skew toward the goth side— black, skirts, gloves, the like. metallic accessories are a major piece in my outfits, and i enjoy giving fashion advice when my friends ask for it.

my label on my sexuality is…weird. i don’t particularly mind my partner’s gender, but i find that I only feel attraction toward people who like me first, if that makes sense. i don’t know if there’s a specific label, but i do find it odd.

now, personality…it’s all over the place, matching whoever i am with. when i’m alone and with people i don’t know, i essentially don’t speak, just watching others awkwardly before i’m invited to the conversation. a lot of people have called me ‘weird’ in the past, but i don’t mind it anymore. anything can steal my attention away, and i find myself watching the most mundane things. even an ant on the wall can distract me from my work.

work, work…ugh. i view myself as a somewhat lazy person if I’m uninterested in the task, though it may just be my ADHD. while i do take advanced classes in my schooling, anything that doesn’t immediately pique my interest is a hard no.

one of my hobbies is collecting, with cards being my main focus. pretty rocks and crystals are also enjoyed, though they’re mainly to be admired and put on a shelf. other things I’ve picked up are extremely old coins, pretty stained glass, and shells. i get extremely excited upon receiving any, to a near unreasonable extent. this maybe be a problem with my disorganization…

fears…another stupid thing. i can take collapsing in the middle of summer and walking the halls late at night, but any criticism from my parents has me shutting down and on the verge of tears. they aren’t even particularly mean, but i’m particularly sensitive to their words. my second, more mild fear are insects— spiders. i’ve been trying to use ‘exposure therapy’ on myself by getting close to them and poking the web, but it doesn’t feel like a good decision.

with how successful i can be in academics, it’s laughable how unathletic i am. i do run and get an average amount of exercise, but any heavy lifting has me struggling. those close to me in life have previously expressed concern over me being slightly underweight, but it doesn’t bother me too much. i can get up on my two feet and any pity towards me is absolute infuriating. guns seem to be more fun as a weapon, anyway.

I have a hard time expressing my affections outside of quality time and just…talking. gift-giving is also easier for me, just wrapping up a nice little crystal or other trinket to give feels nice, and easier than putting my emotions into words. in private, i can get all over a significant other— hugging, cuddling, any physical contact can help me express my feelings.

Hello!! Another PJO matchup request!!

(You’re an Athena kid, aren’t you? /lh)

I love these, they’re so cute and instill me with so much nostalgia. Mostly because i read the books rather than watched the series. (I started it, but its really hard for me to retain attention LOL)

Anywho! Let’s get into this!

You’ve been a camper at Camp Half-Blood for years, and still, it was difficult for you to feel comfortable around anybody. Even the people who were supposed to be your brothers and sisters.

Not until it was one day when three newbies arrived to camp.

He talks enough for the both of you.

Leo Valdez

As soon as he meets you, he claims it’s love at first sight. (Though, he’s a little girl crazy, he claims every girl who looks at him first is love at first sight)

He thinks you’re so pretty, and so sweet and quiet. (At first). He attaches himself to you immediately. With Drew attaching herself to Jason, and Annabeth to Piper, he feels a little left out. Even though Will was assigned to be his little tour guide, he asked that you accompany them.

After that, he kind of just hangs around you a lot.

At least, as much as he can before his quest with Jason and Piper.

After that quest is over, he clings to you like a lost puppy. He claims it’s because Piper and Jason’s lovey doveyness was sickening. That he needed to have someone like that, too.

Before either of you really get together, he’s got that dorky kind of crush on you.

You know, the one. The cute one.

He learns all of your favorite things, and learns them so he can do them with you. He really wants to show off, but he’s maybe not so good at it.

He collects little rocks and trinkets for you. He’ll find whatever cards you’re into and gift them to you, “free of charge” he says. He really just like seeing you light up like the sun every time he finds one you don’t have yet. (It’s really hard, but he’s trying.)

He’s surprised to find that the two of you are a lot more similar than he expected. The ADHD, and the RSD, and the talking a mile a minute. As soon as you trust him enough to start yapping, it’s all the two of you ever do. There’s rarely a moment where the two of you are alone.

Your feelings for him feel like they come out of nowhere. Perhaps it was when he gifted you his first card. Or maybe when he broke cabin rules to sit by you during meal times. Or, perhaps, it was when he came back from his quest to save Hera, and he was immediately looking for you. He ignored the on-field medics, he ignored Piper and Jason asking him where he was going.

He was immediately going to your cabin to give you a big hug.

If you ask him to be your boyfriend (because you might have to, he’s terrified of rejection, but he’s made it wildly clear that he’s madly in love with you) I promise he’s the most fun, and the dorkiest boyfriend you’ll ever have.

He’s attentive without meaning to be. He notices things you like, and even enjoys learning abut them just so he’ll have more of an excuse to talk to you. (As I’ve already said, but sh)

He even makes little things for you to collect, it’s become a tradition between the two of you. He makes small little things for you to admire and put on your shelves. Or even little things that might make your life easier. A card finder or something. A spider killer. I dunno. He just likes making you things, and likes seeing you using them or even displaying them next to your bunk in your cabin.

He loves the presents you give him, too! Trust that he keeps them in his infinite tool belt at all times. He loves having your gifts on him at all times.

One of your date nights (sneaking out of your cabins at night and meeting at the mess hall) was just making each other charm bracelets. He wears it always. If it keeps getting caught on things as he’s tinkering, he wears it on a chain around his neck that he keeps tucked into his shirt and out of the way.

He also loves holding you, and adores that you can do the same with him. He’s all for hugs and cuddles. He loves it, he just loves it.

Holding your hand while going around camp, sneaking kisses during Campfire. He adores sitting behind you at Campfire so he can just drape himself over you.

A touchy little feller, he is.

ALSO ALSO

He absolutely adores your fashion. He likes anything you wear, but he’s a big fan of the all black fits you got going on. He’s a big fan of the goth—ness. About you. He likes you a lot, so he likes whatever you’re wearing a lot. Even if the Camp uniform is a hideous orange tee. (He thinks you can pull it off)

Honorary mentions!

Jason Grace

(Obviously, this takes place in a world where he and Piper weren’t together, because I’m assuming you’re not a homewrecker). He lights you up in a different way. He’s softer with you, spoils you in any way you want. Perhaps your personality would change with him, even though I could see you with Leo better than Jason.

Wooo this one came out quicker than I thought it would. ANYWAY. Have fun with this!!!!!

[crimsonsharked]

you dont have to answer this ask but i'm just curious about it

but dont you write alessio as trans and without surgery? so whats wrong with the other person making their character trans? idk all the details or extents of everything but i'm just a little confused

like yeah if they're being transphobic then thats a fuckin problem and again idk the details so i'm sorry if i'm missing important things

but i just dont see how its weird if you write alessio as trans and without surgery and everything too but please correct me if i'm wrong or anything

regardless its stupid how people are sending you drama and i'm sorry you're being harassed with it

really the best thing to do is just block and black list and let them be weird and obsessed somewhere else

you're doing an amazing job with your blog and art and writing so dont let some idiots ruin your time here

anyways i just didnt know like how its weird that someone else writes a character as trans without surgery and you do the same but i'm probably missing things so i apologize if so

dont let me or anyone else annoy you with stupid drama and i hope you have a great day and please keep giving us more alessio and ambrosi!!

Addendum: I misread the first part: I don't care if people write trans characters, my specific issue with the aforementioned user is how they went about it as a fellow non-cis individual.

I don't have any issue with writing trans people without surgery or getting pregnant, the only reason I said it was oddly transphobic was because of how often and in the context a transmasc character is getting pregnant.

(warning for a looong rant)

I do not care if you sexualize trans bodies, I am transmasc myself, it's cathartic to me. However if your main sexual focus of the character is that he is trans and CAN get pregnant, that might be an issue.

It's not good, it's like focusing on a transfem person having a dick constantly and her being able to use that dick.

Again, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with sexualizing trans bodies, nothing wrong with trans people getting pregnant or the ability to become pregnant, trans people can and do get pregnant. It's completely how you as a person talk about it and how you present it. If again you are constantly bringing up pregnancy for literally anyone in a sexual context, it's a fetish, and then you tack it onto a trans-masc person? that's a fetish.

This is a fetish: There was no reason to write this post like this. If it was worded differently I might have felt a different way but it's not

"My muse is transmasc and identifies as male. Uses He/Him and The/Them pronouns. They have not had top or bottom surgery. They can become pregnant."

If it was worded like that (not exactly) i'd feel differently.

I am all for exploring transness in a sexual space, but there's a hardline between kink, sexual, and an outright fetish. This applies to anyone EVEN if you are trans yourself. Like I'm black I can be racist to black people, if I call another black person a slur with intent to harm, I'm being racist. If a transperson says and does things that are harmful to the trans community they are being transphobic or at least hurtful.

"I'm not cis" isn't a good defense anymore, yes, you're not cis, so you should know better. My biggest issue with St0ls wasn't even THAT specifically, it's the constant dredging up of drama, after making several apologies REPEATEDLY, then doubling down on past actions and still bringing up people who want nothing to do with them. AKA ME. 2 weeks isn't enough to change. Change takes a long time, months, and years. This is coming from someone who was objectively a TERRIBLE friend and person to be around. I wouldn't have even brought up the entire fetish thing if I had never been brought it up. I'd have kept my thoughts to myself, when I say leave my black ass alone, I mean it.

Also, I do want to clarify I explore transness from the lens of a Black Trans person! So I write all my characters from that specific lens of growing up AFAB and being treated AS a man, and never a woman. So I tend to write Alessio being a transman but wanting to explore his feminity and sexual side of that!

[rmbunnie]

Watched GOTG3 on friday! Here are some of my personal thoughts (spoilers obvs):

- I really liked it, first of all. To be honest, Rocket is my fave of the group alongside Nebula. I just think they’re neat, and I like characters that cause drama. If there’s no personality traits that are a little abrasive and offputting, then i’m not saying that’s a flaw, but perhaps i am saying its a bit of a missed opportunity. This is probably one of the reasons I am still interested in GOTG when most of the mcu is a bit worn out to me, there’s this neat focus on why they’re acting the way they are and letting their reasoning steer the story to a good extent rather than using it like an add-on (especially if the way they’re acting is flat out dickish,) and I think that’s a fun approach. All this to say, Rocket is one of my faves, and so a movie largely focused around his character is pretty interesting to me by default.

- The hallway fight was great. Loved it no notes a plus.

- I really liked the tardigrade suits on the tech planet-meteor-lab thing! They looked weird and offputting, don’t get me wrong, but space suits that are visually inspired by the creature that can naturally survive the void of space, boiling temperatures, and so much else are REALLY well-suited (haha) to the organic planet founded by the man who uses existing creatures as the bases of his "creations.” I can absolutely picture the High Evolutionary learning about a tardigrade and being like “hell yeah i just came up with a GREAT and original idea”

- I also liked the organic planet. Very cool the meat was so gross and the eye motif was fun.

- I have mixed thoughts on Adam Warlock, but mainly positive. I think that with the amount of things that were happening in the movie some of the scenes that were necessary for his development made the runtime drag a little and lose some momentum, but I’d rather have them than not have them. He was funny, and the creation of Adam posing at the end was both fun, cool to look at, and kinda something to think about, seeing as he was the one taking the place of god, but he is also the one named Adam. Maybe the idea there was that the first good act he does is the birth of his own humanity, as in existence as a person or as anything more than a passive invention? Or maybe they just thought it would be fun haha. Regardless, the idea of the divine being the one who can gain something through contact with the human is a sentiment that fits in the movie about the dude who plays god via animal cruelty but lacks what his "lesser” creations have and can never get it due to his failure to recognize their personhood idk.

-The ending is how it should have been imo. I know it’s so so sad to see a found family leave each other and it bums us out, and I am bummed out best believe but particularly in the case of Peter, Drax, and Mantis, it seems like what the movie was going for (if you’re taking the latter two’s writing as anything past comic relief which, like, of course I am) is that being in the Guardians was keeping them from evolving into the people that they were meant to grow into, and stunting their potential. Again, very relevant with the High Evolutionary, evolving people against their will isn’t right but remaining frozen in time isn’t natural. It was nice to see them get unstuck.

- Speaking of evolution and the characters, Gamora seemed like she had a little divergent character evolution thing going on, with 2014 as her sorta common ancestor. The ravagers seemed a little out of nowhere but not the the extent that it was unbelievable. “I bet we were fun” was really sweet. It’s nice to see her gain some of the things that she had before the time travel death bullshit personality-wise, the idea that she would always end up kinder and happier when she was free of Thanos (who i hate btw, not even as a character although that too, there was just NOTHING interesting done with him the whole goddamn franchise) than when she was with him is not something it takes a genius to figure out, but it’s still good to see. It’s also worth considering that original Gamora had to choose to be free of Thanos everyday and work with the consequences of his actions while 2014 Gamora was brought into a world where Thanos was gone regardless of her feelings or actions. This is kinda explored in the movie, and neither Gamora is bad, but I feel like its very important characterization-wise to understand that she didn’t fight to leave and struggle in doing so the same way original Gamora did, and so their worldviews are different, too, not only their experiences. To original Gamora the Guardians were fundamental to her indepence, without Peter she wouldn’t have gotten the orb so easily and without Rocket and Groot she might not have survived the Kyln. To 2014 Gamora, Thanos is out of the way and now these other people are kinda just here.

- Gamora dying in Infinity War or Endgame or whichever it fucking was was bullshit and i won’t debate on that but it is funny to see the directors of the mcu doing the exact same thing comic writers have been doing forever coordination-wise. Trying to work with the absolute trash that’s going on in the concurrently-running title is a comic struggle that transcends medium. GOTG did pretty well with it.

- I loved the High Evolutionary! Of course, not as a person, he’s the worst, but he was consistently really interesting to watch and his actor did a really really good job with him! The religious-type traits were really interesting, and specifically his bit with the opera song and music and how he valued literature and art was really interesting and not to be too jojo in marvel but it kinda gave me Dio or Pucci vibes. That’s the type of weirdass tangent one of them would say (specifically their convos with each other or the Pucci Hallelujah moment.) Everyone has already said more than i could say about his weird evolution-genetics shit but it remains weird. 

- “There is no god, thats why i stepped in!!1!” and the bit wheres he’s scrambling to the cage where Rocket is to find out how he knew the filtration system thing were two particular highlights of his character for me. He is messy and emotional and all over the place, and he thinks he is perfection incarnate. His emotional outbursts add humor and are a big part of what makes him interesting and fun to watch, but he would ridicule them in any other being. This is proof that the High Evolutionary is a hypocrite with poor taste.

- Ayesha dead. She was a bitch but she slayed. she will be missed, for the comedy of those fucking gold lenses was a highlight of GOTG2 for me.

- Rocket is a creep. Rocket is a weirdo. What the hell is he doing here. The Radiohead singalong in the beginning was so fun. I loved it so much, genuinely. 

- Lylla, Teefs and Floor were. so much. Everyone says they’re sad, and of course they are, but the whole thing was offputting too. Not as in like “oh they’re so gross” the vibe was just horrifying and sorta nightmarish because it’s not like you think they’re gonna make it out, you see Rocket in GOTG the first and you know there’s absolutely nobody with him but Groot. The scream was, a lot, and very well voiced, I guess? It seems weird to say, it’s not like, oh wow cinema i loved the part where his friends died and he screamed as he watched them get shot in his face but i felt my stomach drop in that theater even though i fully knew it was coming so i guess what i’m saying is mission accomplished you did the thing the way the thing was meant to be and it gave me bone nausea.

- Also it has been pointed out before it is not original thought of mine but the cage death scream vs the dance party scream. I’m thinking about that. Similarly in the sense that i’ve seen it mentioned but I keep thinking about it, the Dog Days are Over was quite a choice, seeing the zune scroll to the most recent decade it has was, bittersweet, or cathartic i guess? They can finally just move through time, they get to be growing people again now. I love the Dog Days are Over. I love Florence.

- On the Lylla topic, everyone’s been saying this sad quote made them sad or that sad quote bummed them out but the thing that got me most was “We were right. The sky is beautiful, and it is forever.” in the final dream sequence. Idk why that one particularly got me like that, heaven and the sky as a pair is a pretty common concept, eternity is just hefty I guess. Compared to the cage though, I’m glad they get such a nice place to be.

- We got “vocabulistics” and now we have “emotionallistic problems.” In GOTG 1 I could give him the plausible deniability of smushing together “linguistics” and “vocabulary” but no, Rocket just likes putting “ballistics” inside words. As is his prerogative. 

- I like how weird and retro some of the sci-fi elements are. The movie isn’t just a rehashing of older sci-fi concepts of course, it implements the retro elements interestingly and makes them fresh, but mad scientist experiments and unnatural experiment beings in a slightly more horror/negative approach is like RETRO retro sci-fi, like heavy book Frankenstein original first-ever sci-fi, so it was interesting to see past sci-fi incorporated into story elements in addition to world aesthetics and soundtracks like we’ve already seen. It’s nothing new to say GOTG has a bit of a 70s vibe just as a franchise, which I absolutely adore, but particularly counter-earth has a kinda “wouldn’t it be fucked up if that happened” vibe to it that I think is really fun. We got meat planet. We got animal planet. Lets go. This is peak fiction.

- Speaking of GOTG being retro-esque this trilogy LOOOVES that fucking yellow slime. Every movie there is a prominent yellow slime feature, it’s the most consistent character in the mcu. Did they accidentally order too much on movie 1 and save the rest for later? It kills me. 

-Speaking of, it’s very funny to me that they end up living on Knowhere. Like in the grand scheme of things. They did well with it, they have lovely homes with nice tables and blankets and lamps and such but like. Imagine you break out of jail and you go to kill time at some shady weirdo planet because the guy who wants to buy your orb is there, and the guy who wants to buy your orb is also Spongebob. You call up the guy who killed your family while you’re there and he stabs you and throws you into the yellow goo to die. The weird guy you’re stuck with breaks down and gets in a fight with you and threatens to shoot you in the face after doing this weird venty monologue that you don’t get at all. This is all one night. Nine years pass and you’re besties and you live there. The goo vat you got thrown in is probably like two blocks away because the planet is kinda small. Idk it just doesn’t seem like that would give homey vibes to me but they made it work and i commend that!

- Overall it was a good movie. I definitely have some thoughts that I’m missing but the thing about situations like that is that I can’t remember them. I will be bummed that the trilogy has ended but things end and this is life. Oh well. It ended well.

- Oh one more thing but the High Evolutionary ultimately lacking creativity was really interesting. All he can ever do is use bits and pieces of things that already exist so he can’t ever achieve what he would consider true perfection, because he can’t appreciate anything that exists due to its inherent and unavoidable flawed nature, and since his “inventions” are based only on preexisting stuff the flaws aren’t going anywhere. When he does come up with something worthwhile he effectively discards it because he doesn’t understand what makes it special, he just knows that it has something that he doesn’t and he’ll destroy it and eventually ruin what was good about it in the first place in the pursuit of replication, so if he ever did achieve perfection he wouldn’t even be able to do anything with it. The one thing he makes that he values, the only thing he can think to do is copy it and ruin it. His mindset won’t allow ingenuity because his pursuit of something without flaws can only ever be informed of traits he’s already seen in flawed beings. He owes everything he ever did accomplish to the flawed. If he wants something perfect so bad he should have at least tried to start from scratch (it would have been a move of immense hubris but obviously he’s not above that) but he can’t, because not only is he uncreative but like Rocket points out, he doesn’t even want perfection, he just hates everything the way it is. 

[pheoblitz]

I just want to start off by saying you're an amazing artist, and I love your work. You inspire! I just wanted to ask how you got so good at character designing? Also, aren't there any tips, tricks, or tutorials you could recommend to us?

Sorry for taking so long to reply to this ask. I wanted to really make sure I took my time to anwser it the best I could!

I wanted first to say thank you so much! You are my first ask ever and it makes me so happy to see someone enjoy my work and designs! Sometimes I feel like I am not doing my best. So hearing this is reassuring. Makes me remeber why I turn my words of it being not good to I will do better and learn more for next time.

How I got good at designs? Oh heavens, mostly perseverance! Though what I list below are all things I have learned or do which have helped me on my journey. Though by no means do I think I am great or done said quest. I am always growing and always learning. Art is a cute little plant. It may take awhile to grow. Sometimes its hard to tell if its even grown at all. Eventually though, you will start to notice changes. For awhile youll just have a green stem and that can be discouraging. If you keep at it though and keep learning, it'll grow and at somepoint it will be a flower. You just have to keep at it and know when it needs a break vs when to keep watering it.

Ok ok ok, so I am going to explain this all so horribly and using how I think of art and its terms. So take this all with a huge grain of salt and I am so sorry if none of it makes sense. I tried though ok? Not to mention I could say a whole lot more but my tumblr hates me! So here is just ones that I like to focus on myself alot. Ack also sorry for so many spelling an grammar errors. It is not something I am good at.

Starting with the basics:

1. Designs are not permanent. If you make one and it dosent feel right just make another! Do not like the second one and you liked the first one more? Well good news, you do not have to commit to it. Art is a process of iteration and trying out wacky, weird, and new things. As you grow, your style and characters will grow with you. Its only normal to have them grow out of their old look and into new ones or to go through phases of changing them constantly. Its rare for me to have an oc who has always been the same.

2. Try new things! Sometimes you can be surprised by what you can make when taking inspiration for things you do not nromally like. Maybe that one dress you saw isnt your style, but parts of it IS your characters style. So why not incorporate something simmilar. Hmmm or maybe you are feeling stuck, take a walk outside and challange yourself to make an outfit based on something you saw or a pallet you liked. Henry as an example, pallet is based on the mesa in minecraft. While his clock cape was based on me trying to play with new cape styles and looking at a cool clock in Prague.

3. Practice and study. In extention to the last two, over all you just want to keep on trying and practicing by making a bunch of designs for random ideas you do not plan to keep so you can slowly develoup your own style patterns, see what looks good, etc. They also extend and touch on alot of looking at things and studying what you like. Its bothersome sometimes, but outfits and how they are made usually have alot of history and meaning behind them. For example, each and every cut and shape for a suit has its own unique name. As do differe ties, swimsuits, shoes, and so forth. Knowing the names and shapes can help you tailor an outfit to fit a character by their personality, match the event its for, be time period correct, culturally accurate, etc. Its usually sublte differneces, but they can go along way.

More things to note:

1. If the character is made for a story, then keeping the designs of their friends, foils, rivels, and so forth in mind can create a lovely dynamic between them all. One of my friends is much better at this then me, but there are many ways to do it. Inverting pallets, contrating pallets, making one top heavy and the other bottom heavy, having one have lines and having the other include simmilar lines, and so forth. It creates balanace or contrast among groups or duos which can be very visually fun.

An example of it is Vox and Alastor. Both have pinstripe suits, both have claws, big sharp caniving grins, have the same collar shape with coloured trim, both wear bows, have shoes with defined heels, etc. This connects them together in many ways. However, they are eachothers rivals and contrast eachother directly in many ways as well. Alastor has a more harmonic red pallet while vox has a strong vibrant and contrast filled blue pallet, Alastor wears a torn coat while Vox's is clean and fresh looking, the more obvious note is one is based on tv and the other is radio, one wears his suit open while the other keeps it closed off. Each aspect both defines how they are the same and how they differ. Vox is more presentable as he is on video, he is also newer, much like the medium of tv while radio does not need such things. Vox is more boisterous and less uptight formal then alistor, which can be reflected in what they pair their suit with. You can also see while Alastor has less of a care for Vox, Vox cares alot about Alastor's plans and so forth. This is somewhat also seen in their outfits as Vox contains the red of Alastor in his pallet while Alastor does not contain Vox's primary colour in his. One may also use this to assume that one of them is trying to mimic the other.

Point being, their design brings them together and allows people to tell they are related in some way plot wise but still makes sure to define their differences.

2. Motifs are your friend! Having a symbol, colour, pattern, and so forth spread throughout the whole design can make it feel more put together and harmonic as well as can tell you alot about the character them self. When I first learned about it my teacher used D.Va from overwatch as an example as her motif is a bunny. She and the mech have little metal bits from the top or ears that mimic a bunny. She has paint on her face that resemble whiskers. Her outfit has alot of white in it and often features the symbol of a bunny. Her mech has digitigrade legs. In some versions of her design alot of the white is on the legs drawing your attention to it, legs being a very notable feature of a rabit due to how they hop. Over all in one way or another it appears in her and her mechs design via shapes, colours, and more.

3. Primary, secondary, and accent colours. In outfit design and general art in the begining it can be helpful to follow this structure when making outfits. The primary colour of the design. The one most prominent, though it does not have to be the most notible colour, just the most common. The secondary is the second most common colour. Some designs will make this the more bold colour while the primary acts as a base to it. The accent colours help brake up the flow of the rest of the design and add a bit of spice. There is usually 1 or 2. Looking to Kazuha from Genshin Impact, the primary is a brown base, with a bold red as the secondary. Ontop they put a striking orange to give the eyes more then just deep reds to look at and a pale light blondish gray range to brake up the larger colour blocking flow. Each colour is important as part of the design as without his accent colours, he would look muddy and bland, but without the brown primary, he would be too bold and saturated for the eyes. Each colour is used to balance the others out and create a nice visual intrest and dance.

There is something important to note about it all however and that is placement balance. This also applies to motifs and patterns. You want them typically to show up in more then one location on the outfit. While this mainly applies to accents, due to how little they tend to cross the design, it does effect primary and secondary colours as well. The reason it is important to have them show up in more then one location is due to over all untiy of the design. Unless you want it to stand out as the one and only thing like it on the character, it should be something framillier to the design. If the red is only in the eyes on an otherwise nlue character, then the eyes will be noticed as the mist striking detail. However if you place it on the sleeves or add it to the shoelaces of the character as well, then the red tends to blend in more and the eyes will become less focused on and feel more like they are part of the design rather then the main focus. Though breaking this intentonally is a fast way to draw attention to an area. Though having a level of balance, harmony, and untiy to your design in this way will make it feel less disjointed and less random.

Tumblr is starting to break for me while typing this, so Ill be a bit faster. As mentioned the same thing applies to Motifs. If a character wears strips, it can be helpful to work in steipes on more then just the shirt to creat a harmonic flow to the outfit. Like adding stright strip like shoe laces or 3 parallel hairclips. That way subconsiously no matter where the viewer looks they see unifying strips. Either drilling stripes into their mind or making them feel welcomed on the design. Though again in some cases it can also be just as effective to ignore this intentonally. Though if you do, I recommend having a different pattern throughout the outfit or different harmonizing colours so that the 1 different thing sticks out more and breaks thr pattern.

4. Silhouettes are very important. Now there is alot to note about Silhouettes. 1 is you want the characters to be recognizable by silhouette. This is often done by creating unique shapes for them each or by something unique about how they pose and stand compared to others. Most only bring up the shapes aspect, however I think posing is just as important into convaying a caharter and their design. Just look at L for an example, you can tell its him just by how he sits. Though if you want a good example of the shapes helping define characters, steven universe has very unique Silhouettes compared to eachother and can easily be identified without seeing any other parts.

There is also another fun thing regarding Silhouettes that I try to do sometimes when it comes to helping me balance colour and its taking a page out of the team fortress notebook. My original teacher used them and their basic colour blocked silhouettes to explain readability. The part the players most need to see on the charcater, the area of intrest, is the brightest so their weapon stands out agienst their outfit while the rest is darker. She had a wonderful visual for it but I cant find it anymore. However, when making a design or focusing on their colours and how to lay them out. It can be worth while to do a very basic black and white vesrion so you can see where to put various degrees of contrast into the design. It may help make your designs feel less cluttered or more accessible.

A sourse that touches on a memtioned topic:

Readability in game designs, Overwatch vs TF2:

https://medium.com/@xavierck/character-readability-in-team-fortress-2-and-overwatch-68c41d454465

Ill make another post with referances and more stuff to read on a later date but I felt so bad delaying this as much as I have!

[truly-morgan]

[Kinktober 2022: Mind Control (18+)]

MoShang | Scum Villain Self-Saving System 29-10-2022

Day 29: B̷o̷o̷t̷w̷o̷r̷s̷h̷i̷p | [Mind Control] | M̷e̷d̷i̷c̷a̷l̷ ̷P̷l̷a̷y

Shang Qinghua wonders to what point Mobei-jun can control him with Heavenly Demon Blood, so he gives him permission to do whatever using it.

====

Shang Qinghua had always wondered to which extent Heavenly Demon Blood could be used. Sure, he had written about it enough for his novel, but it was always to either further the plot or write porn.

He was pretty sure he had some type of draft that might have been deleted or an idea that came to mind but he never used them. But how was he supposed to know when so many years had passed already without him having to think about these things?

When he had already scraped those ideas long ago because his reader didn’t want that?

So he had asked for help from his husband.

Movie-Jun had looked a bit unsure at first about his suggestion.

“I promise you everything will be alright,” Shang Qinghua said to the demon with a smile, “I was just wondering to which extend you could control me with it”.

“And Qinghua wants to try while having sex?” Mobei-Jun asks flatly.

“Yes,” he replied, blushing a little at his bluntness. This was actually something he had been thinking about for a while, if he were to be fully honest. They had already experienced with Heavenly Demon Blood before, but it was never really pushed far, enhancing his sensation at best.

It didn’t really take any more convincing, since Mobei-Jun seemed rather ready to follow any of his wishes. He just made sure one last time as they settled in their room, as if Shang Qinghua would have changed his mind in the little time it took them to get here.

Shang Qinghua was simply sitting on the edge of the bed, letting Mobei-Jun work his magic after feeding him some more blood to try and help.

He was also trying to relax himself as much as possible, feeling the effect of the Heavenly Blood on him.

Then at some point, his husband’s voice started to sound a bit more afar, his mind feeling fuzzy in a pleasant way.

The more it went on, the more fuzzy and light he felt, it was actually pretty nice.

It was a bit hard to focus though, when he felt like this. But he still managed to catch onto Mobei-Jun telling him to get up, his body immediately doing as told.

It felt strange, having his body move from on its own because of the demon, leaving him as a simple spectator.

Then he felt hands taking off his robes, the feeling rather ticklish at first, before it because of more present.

Then it felt like all his skin was sensitive, making him shiver, somewhat registering the way he was making little pleased noises at being touched.

If moving without controlling his body felt weird, this was enough weirder, being able to sense every touch but not being able to respond to it. All he could do was follow wherever his body was taking him and feel whatever was happening.

Then it continued, him being asked to take care of Mobei-Jun robes too, being made to kiss with his husband as the demon was touching him all over. He could hear himself moan at the large fingers inside of him, stretching him somewhat more easily than usually, probably from how relaxed he felt.

He watched as he got on top of Mobei-Jun, feeling every inch of him entering as he sat down on his cock. It was starting to make him feel even more fuzzy and dizzy, feeling all this pleasure while he didn’t need to concentrate on anything else.

It was even better when cold hands came to his hips, keeping him in place as Mobei-Jun started fucking up into him.

When he came, Shang Qinghua managed to feel it so hard, harder than he has done in quite some time, if ever.

There's nothing else to worry about aside from the pleasure he feels, the fuzziness adding to it. He’s pretty sure he can feel himself being filled with Mobei-Jun’s seed too.

It all seems too much at some point.

When Shang Qinghua seems to be coming back to himself more, he finds that he’s now in a warm bath. He can feel Mobei-Jun hands working on cleaning him, fingers leaving lingering touches.

“Is Qinghua back with me?” he asked softly.

At first, all Shang Qinghua can do is nod, realising that he’s now able to freely move again. “Yeah,” he whispers at first, leaning into the hand that came to touch his cheek.

“Did you manage to learn what you wanted to learn?” he then asks.

To this, Shang Qinghua hums, having found probably more than he would have expected. He hadn’t quite expected for Mobei-Jun to be able to do so much, although part of it was likely because he fully allowed it to.

He then noticed the little frown on his husband's face, taking hold of Mobei-Jun large hand, leaving a little kiss in the palm of it. “Is something wrong? Did you dislike it?” he then asked.

There was a pause as the demon didn’t reply.

“Shang Qinghua wasn’t as responsive as usual” Movie-Jun started, “And he wasn’t babbling either, doing everything I asked, it just felt like playing with some doll”.

Shang Qinghua soften at his words, not having realised this might not be something his husband would enjoy as much. He gently pulled Mobei-Jun closer to him, offering him a kiss.

“My curiosity was filled, we don’t need to redo it again” he assured him, enjoying the way the demon’s expression soften too.

====

(I feel like this is probably closer to body control, but oh well, that's the idea I was inspired with.)

Original - AO3

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

I was thinking about why I love writing collaborations so much.

I did it with @solmussa, am currently doing it with @greenvlvetcouch and to a lesser extent @imdamagecontrol (will you ever continue writing for us, only the gods know).

I have the brain of someone who can't focus for too long. I obsess over things for a while (however long my brain deems it so) and then let it go. But writing collabs have two positive aspects:

1- They keep me intrigued because going back to X words on a fic I am actively invested in is really... something. Like this is our baby, and you - a writer I really admire - made it grow. And now you trust me to make it take a step forward. And then you'll make it take another step. And together we'll walk it to its natural conclusion. It just feels like serotonin. Keeps me interested in it because it's "my" fic, sure, but also I don't know what's gonna happen in it besides some vague plot points.

2- They get me out of my comfort zone, because @greenvlvetcouch made this whole post about having a character you find easier to write, and sticking to it, and it's harder to stick to your comfort zone when your collab ends their scene on a weird note and you're like "well fuck me I gotta write this thing that I never would have done on my own."

I guess what I am saying is that I love this little group of friend I have made online, I love that they're helping me get better at writing, I love that they're so enthusiastic, I love that they're like" yeah I guess we'll take a chance on the weird French girl who wrecks chaos and doesn't write like we do."

I love you guys

[arecomicsevengood]

Molly Colleen O’Connell released two new comics recently, her first in several years. Both display an increased accessibility, while retaining her signature wiggliness: a high level of doodler’s digressiveness, moving about a room and saying “oh! what’s this?” to any stray bit of string. You might think, looking at the front cover of The Shriekers, that the focus of the book would be the figures framed by the window, the little Halloween-costumed children in the front yard. But no, the main characters of the book are the figures skulking about behind the curtains, hiding from both the outside world and the prospective reader’s immediate attention. On the back cover, we see their portraits on the wall, with names, amidst the props and furniture that features in the stories inside.

The Shriekers is a set of gag strips, following weird ghouls in a house, sort of like The Addams Family, while also reminiscent of Lizz Hickey’s Jammers comics. Interactions between the characters are limited, we’re introduced to them one at a time, and the structure, a la Richard Linklater’s Slacker, moves on to the next after a brief meeting. At this point, the humor isn’t character-based; rather the characters exist to explore the formal system being created by O’Connell’s drawings. It strikes me as the sort of thing that could continue parceled out into anthology contributions which could then be collected to form an issue two.

While The Shriekers moves about the space of its boarding house setting, Pebbles moves throughout time, flitting around the memories of its titular character, Pebbles. She’s seen at different ages, in different settings, (therapy, childhood, teen years, floppy-titted middle age) and is distinguished by her nose: In the end we see her in a sci-fi pod, and it’s explained she’s traveling through her consciousness, and while this makes sense of some of what we’ve seen, it doesn’t quite account for the digressions into anthropomorphic animals we’ve seen: a chicken atop a next of snake eggs, hatching her doom; two ostriches, with heads in the sand, coming up with ideas for t-shirts while bombs fall in the distance.

I want to see more of both of these stories. O’Connell’s approach is continually suggestive of the idea that she is going somewhere with her ideas, but also might take her time getting there, and maybe in the end your brain is going to need to fill in the blanks, extrapolating from what you’ve been given. Perhaps she is talking around something bigger than her current narrative can handle straight-on, and these themes might end up being addressed in another comic entirely, leaving a reader to grasp the extent of her interests by considering her oeuvre as a whole. Already I can see that Pebbles is talking about death, motherhood, and nature, time and memory, the future and the past: Some of these topics are addressed in the diary/memoir comics mourning O’Connell’s mother that have appeared on her instagram, which when collected will be more immediately understood in terms of power and emotion than the roving jokester consciousness at work in Pebbles.

Anyone looking at these comics has ample evidence of how interesting O’Connell is as a drawer. Pebbles features more grey wash, adding this painterly texture to a clean line that obeys its own wobbly logic to detail what the world is. The loose perspective, and eye for accumulated detail, makes moments like the conclusion of The Shriekers, where we zoom out to see an increasingly cluttered room, feel the same way as the close-ups would work in Ren And Stimpy, this grossness that vibrates with comedic effect.

Overall, the vibe is very animated, of an avant-garde-ish tint: Sally Cruikshank and Suzan Pitt being the American exemplars of an energy otherwise associated with Eastern Europe. While not able to feature the same fluidity of transformation that makes those pieces such mind-blowers of technical acumen, the principles of expansiveness are applied to how a page can move in traditional comic-book storytelling ways but still be so alive it seems to continually redraw itself. Thrilling comics for fans of the medium, currently available at both O’Connell’s BigCartel site and the Domino Books store.

[sydmarch]

it's about time i write at least some semblance of a review for gadzooks volume 2 rather than continuing to throw out vaguely incomprehensible text posts about it so. here goes

SO it feels weird to say that ANYTHING is better than volume 1 bcus I have such a deep deep love for that album it almost feels like a betrayal. but objectively 2 IS better it takes everything from 1 and builds on it. every single thing caleb releases manages to be better than the last even when the last one has had you for months like "this is the best album in the world". like it absolutely has the same vibes as 1 and feels like how a volume 2 of something should feel yknow but it also feels like. tighter & slightly more cohesive without losing that experimental wandering feeling that 1 had. & I feel like 1 was such a departure from the mother stone and then 2 kind of brings some elements from tms back around like it had those moments that feel dark and sweeping in the way that only tms does.

yknow how people do those web weaving posts collecting artwork or quotes I am mentally doing that w music all the time & it's like this album takes the best of both the previous albums like. touchdown yolk is in between a venn diagram of you're so wonderful and this won't come back. obviously not like its just a mix of them both but like i fewl elements of each in it & like. those are mt absolute big favorites on both albums so of course thay ends up my favorite on this ine. near the end of the album it's like you get the vibes from little planet pig but also for a short time. love how opening with croc killers 2 followed by little lion kind of mirrors the never wet + yesterday will come combo as opening up volume 1. & I've always felt like one of the strongest & most interesting things in his songwriting is the way a song will like go in and out of different parts then bring another part back & loop around and you'll almost forget how the beginning started but then the same elements come back around & thinking about that interview where he says it comes from writing songs mentally while on set so he's not recording or writing them down really just keeping them in his brain for months where they grow and warp & blend and how obstacles and challenges are where creativity really shines through. & I feel like the shanty shine achieves this more strongly than anything since you're so wonderful. (WAIT california also does this extremely well to a smaller extent) but THEN just a few songs later slink on fido does it just as well.

i also love the way vocals are used so many songs out there feel like it's just about the vocals & the music is just there to support it but with a lot of Caleb's stuff it feels more like the voice is just another instrument that weaves in and out, sometimes it gets more focus but sometimes not there will be times where it feels more like strings or drums are the star of the show and I love love love that. makes all of his songs feel so thought out and cohesive and more like the vocals are PART of a song & other things aren't sacrificed for the sake of vocals. so much stuff I'll listen to an instrumental version & be like wait you can't even hear that sound, you never even notice that in the version with vocals, wtf, & wish there was more balance between the two. I feel like his stuff does that balancing act extremely well. 

& ik I had previously said idk if croc killers 1 is as strong of a closer as this won't come back but at that time I hadn't realized that the entire last 8 mins of the album was all that song so I'm going to amend that statement. when comparing just the VERY end like final minute of each song's ending twcb will always win out over anything that final minute is like The Finale To End All Finales. to me. I've already talked to death about that so I won't go on but otherwise. yeah croc killers 1 is just as strong an ending if im being objective & putting aside twcb being so special to me personally. OH & I didn't even touch on the more abstract synesthesia stuff like I meant to but yeah it goes back to 2 feeling a bit tighter & more cohesive just looking at what colors tend to pop up like 1 goes through such a journey from skies and grass & light colors to reds & pinks & blacks then to a mix of both & back & forth while 2 feels much more consistently jewel toned. crimsons at the start & orange and green & mostly darker throughout the later songs. while I feel like it absolutely sounds much more like 1 with some of the elements of tms brought back in my minds eye it's colors are much closer to tms than vol 1 which is inch resting. anyway. I didn't even get into lyrics bcus I still feel like I haven't spent enough time with the album in isolation to dive into looking them all up & figuring them out for sure yet. 

[okari-le]

Beneath The Depths Of Monshire

Long ago before time was given a name, when dinosaurs, trees, and sharks didn’t exist, there always lived certain creatures that no longer exist in today's life.

The planet we found was far from this one we reside on, it was light years away, still developing water, but it wasn’t just water, it was blood-like.

We sent researchers, scientists, and explorers, anyone that volunteered to find history and specimens of this unknown planet, it was the size of one of Jupiter’s moons or even Saturn’s moons, but it also acted as a moon itself with no orbiting planet to focus on.

It was alone with a friend nearby, it was a ship isolated from human contact with surviving people going insane, it was all a game when we fell within the depths of its forbidden oceanic blood.

Drowning underneath the waters of blood, and of this ocean, we’ll surely never survive.

But who would surely know when inside the ocean’s blood, what type of creatures lie underneath its waves, who would dare explore it?

Us, we work for a company when we were at our lowest, convicts we were.

Now turned to explorers to gain our freedom and a life.

My name is something you’ll never find, when pages turn to finalize the truth, when the ocean tides uncover its extent.

When dates turn to a memory, like the stars of the future, The Earth is rid of human life, when our species spread across the fading stars.

Now we discover the secrets of Monshire turned to dark, ripped from the soul to now rest in the endless tides of uncertain death.

January 19, 2024 - Stranded

As we waited at the table, cake ready with birthday decorations up, the Medic finally showed as we surprised him with a cheer, with Jason trying his best to smile, cranky person but who cared.

I say my happy birthdays to Kanji with a smile. I hugged him so tightly that Anika had to restrain me. I pouted and whined like a dog because Anika stated I would choke his waist.

I began to rant about going back home with my family, and being close to Moonshire i misspelled bluntly, Anika corrected me of course. She told me it was Monshire, it was named after a French person who found it, I don't know. 

So now I rest in bed, with my bunkmate, The Captain, Jonathan. Lovely champ, british as well, mostly brings the plans to come.

As I succumb to my slumber, dreams of my family enjoying their lives whilst I rot on this stupid ship away from human life.

I woke up to the sounds of alarms, the captain was gone, maybe at the cockpit.

I found out that we were in a collision with an Asteroid, the scariest thing I've heard, then before I could think, the ship went dark, my cat Mikey curled in my lap as I tried finding comfort.

How could one day be so bad? I should check on the captain, the asteroid must’ve hit us badly or something.

I pondered about my surroundings. I memorized the layout of the ship, but it  was harder than ever because due to the crash, we were getting flung here and there, things getting out of hand as we were as well hit by Zero Gravity.

I floated to the cockpit, navigating to it, but I saw flames lighting it, the emergency cream filling the openings that could have killed us without them.

But all I could think of was Jonathan being severely wounded by the flames.

January 30, 2024 - My Fears

While I was growing up in my childhood home, I was always afraid of being alone and the dark, weird? Yeah, it was, because I am a researcher, deep in space near a weird planet that acts like a moon with a blood ocean instead.

Now it's dark as the shadows that follow beneath us, the Captain can barely speak, all I hear from within the Medbay is the low growling of an animal like Gargles, but the only mammal is us and my cat, maybe it's the blood in his lungs.

Now I write in my little journal that ‘if you're ever afraid, look twice, not once because you’ll always miss the thing that's hidden’.

Those exact words were told to me before my mother passed away, she disappeared and was found ripped to shreds in space, will my fate end up as her?

What monstrous being is hiding up here? Why does NASA even bother exploring Space? Doesn’t the ocean hold more mystery than Space.

No one has bothered to tell us.

We lost all contact with Earth and the company we work with, we might have enough food for little portions, feeding Jonathan food to Pain-killers. He looked so done with life, endless pain and suffering in a cage that is your body.

To be honest, don’t tell Jason about this, probably not, I'm talking to myself! I really don’t like him, not very much so.

He is always snappy, rude and obnoxious, sometimes I wonder why is he on here?  But Anika is always so controlling but good at it, she keeps us in check, not choking someone by the waist.

Kanji is having his life flash on repeat against his eyes, he stated that he now hates his birthdays because of the Asteroid crashing against us on that day.

I’ve lost all hope of getting back home.

February 2, 2024 - Regrets

Akio was our newest recruit, he was an engineer like Jason.

Charming person to be honest, acts like a kid at the most unneeded times.

I felt bad when he was hurt up in the vents, but Kanji did help his wounds. I believe they’ve gotten close, too close for safety reasons.

It's probably nothing, I've been taking some days off of writing in my journal but now I am believing I am forgetting things, important things.

I snuck snacks into my room, maybe I'll survive? I don’t know.

It has been only a month up here, food is still lower than ever, Anika suggests we should use the last of the power in the ship to drift to the planet to scavenge.

Kanji pleaded with a stupid God that didn’t help us. Now I am losing faith in life because we are losing dignity.

But my biggest regret was eating Mikey, I couldn't bear the hunger.

His pained meows, how much pain I gave in was too much to handle.

I can’t do this anymore, I'm trying so hard to keep a little of my sanity that's left.

Jason and Kanji began fighting, they're loud as ever nowadays, Jonathan.. I just hope he is fine, he isn’t so swell, we stopped feeding him and kept feeding him pills.

I can’t do this anymore! The pain, the guilt, maybe I should volunteer to use the little power we have left to drift to Monshire.

Maybe we’ll die like my mother, torn to shreds, sucked out of the air, or a much worse fate to the unknown.

Life has begun to turn to the worst, even God doesn’t know our fate.

February 3, 2024 - Forgetting

I didn’t have the energy to even get up, I can't think, I ate my fucking cat, why? Just bloody why!?

If i didn’t eat him, i would have still been sane for a bit, but he would’ve died anyways. Now I'm rewatching the videos of the days I got him as a kitten.

Write in a journal, they say, express your emotions into it they stated, what more pain does this cost me?

Anika gave up hope, Kanji locked themselves into the med-bay, Aiko went up into the vents and perished, and Jason is drinking the last of the alcohol we’ve got.

And Jonathan, I still hear his gargles of somebody drowning in that room, his lungs are full of blood.

I can’t remember my name.. I lost my ID card, the ship is drifting itself to the gravitational grasp of Monshire.

I always wanted to be an author back on Earth, telling my grandmother that I typed out books at school, ‘On my fifth book, Grandmother’. She chuckled at the idea, she loved it, but I never even published or finished any of them.

The book I was last typing was ‘Beneath the depths of blood’, something like that.

If any more explorers or researchers find this journal, be prepared. I beg of you, bring enough food that lasts for years or months.

I should have said that at the end of the page or something.

Big day ahead, ignore the blood on the page. I've been getting sick, but since Kanji locked themselves into the Med-bay, i can’t get supplies.

I always wonder what death feels like up in space, so far away from any religion, no sign of God or anything of that.

Does he truly exist?

October ?, 2024 - The Cavern’s Way

What day is it? And I think it's.. It's october. How many months did I forget to write down? 

The last report what's on the second month of the year.

Food has been low, and we actually landed on the moon-like planet.

We are using the ship as a submarine, it's so dark out, so we are only using the camera.

Me and Anika actually found some plants and seeds, and now we’re growing a farm.

Jason is passed out drunk, Kanji’s mentality is slightly getting better overtime.

And Jonathan.. I really don’t know, he is still alive.

Nothing bad has happened yet, which is good. The atmosphere is creepy here, we can’t see and the camera takes time to fully develop the picture.

We were only in the area surrounding this Moon or planet, it's so alone.

I looked into one of the pictures, there were some sort of branches? Weird, they looked crooked, color seemed toned out. I heard a roar or growls here, are we in some kind of prison?

Are we getting punished for our sins for being convicts?

I saw in the pictures we are in a cave, does this cavern inside Monshire lead to anything?

What if this is some type of alien planet that we have not discovered? I wish Mikey was still here, he would have curled deep into my lap, trying to comfort my fears.

I don’t think we’ll survive for long, the coordinates we have.. They mean something we do not know, the only navigation here is the camera. We are not alone forever, something is with us.

October 19, 2024 - The Noises

I keep hearing the roarings of a monster outside these steel walls, thick heavy metal. What type of creatures does these waters hold? I swear these tunnels have been getting tighter and harder to navigate.

Today's pictures were questionable, I found these waters had these tube-like curls in the floor, not moving so they’re not alive I believe so.

The only suits we have are space suits, they’re not good enough to withstand the pressure of the waters, but we did try a rope and Aiko’s corpse, he imploded.

Never felt that sick in the stomach before.

But when we pulled him out, he was snatched away and was gone, we are not alone on this.

Something is in the ocean.

Anika and Kanji complained that Mikey is being loud but they have no idea that it isn’t him, because he is gone, Jason is still crappy but he is alerted, he knows just like me, that we are not safe anymore.

We got power, and I did find out it was the nineteenth, I had a sibling born on this day.

I said my happy birthdays to them, which they’ll never hear again, neither my voice.

Getting off topic, i have been drawing the pictures i said, you probably seen the branches one or something, i don’t know.

Who would read this? No one maybe, like i said before, we are light years away, no one can locate this place, NASA is making it a deep secret they all have.

I wish i could say my final goodbyes, saying that i do not forgive my crimes whilst i lived, i have grown to realise that no matter what we do as humans.

‘Acts have consequences and we make mistakes, but we can’t be truly forgiven.’ - Me

October 20, 2024 - My Secrets

Well, since my therapist did tell me to write everything I remember like secrets and more, I should write them down.

So in 1995 on a december, i used to run out of my class room and try to leave, but never had a chance.

In February, I was abused by my father at the age of ten, when I was very young. 

My years went worse as I began to get the attitude of my own father. I wish I had never become what he had become, a monster.

My mum stated I should focus on my studies, keep a smile on my face.

It never truly made me smile, nor happy, I just felt the endless guilt I forever hold into myself. When I was in highschool, I was always picked on by my weight, my body, my shape.

I was told by my brother, or whatever they are, that I will never have friends, and I tend to make them up.

I had nothing to fight for anymore.

There is no one else to tend to my now forever wounds, the guilt I hold in my very body and soul.

The people that grasp their hands at my body for no reason, I feel like a useless punching bag just to take your anger out on.

But one day, my body will be so coated with scars that I will never recognize myself anymore.

Who am I to be exact? A person just to be used.

There will never be enough good in the world, we hurt, we kill, and yet we don’t tend, and heal other people’s wounds.

I have no friends, everyone I trust is never too friendly, monsters are what we are.

I am forever a bag for people to use and abuse brutally.

November 29, 2024 - Resentment

Anika was there when I arrived with Mikey, now she's here with me, looking at my wounded body, which the scars came from myself, regretting it with all I can.

I cried with tears that were like a waterfall, she saw my journal, she knows what i’ve been and seen.

I am forgetting who my family is, and who my own identity was.

Stupid brain, stupid body.

I can’t do this anymore, it's like my life will always fall apart, I am truly forgetful.

My tears now rot on this page, I hate it here, hate being deep under blood waters.

Maybe one day, my body will drift along with my regret.

December 5, 2024 - Birthday?

Is it my birthday? There's no cake, supplies are gone, Anika is gone, Jason is gone, and Kanji is gone.

Jonathan is still alive, he’s been crying because now I harm him.  My life has been so shitty, because I cause people more pain than ever.

But well, today i said my own happy birthdays to myself, i had tears in my eyes.

Everyone was gone from my life, even the people that I had trusted and they trusted me back.

I don’t know my name, don’t know what my life was before, who am i?

No one can hear my plea, no one can hear my voice.

The noises are getting louder, a picture had a full on creature in the ocean, and I saw a skeleton of a whale? I don’t know anymore!

Where am I!? Who am i! I have been harming myself, eating my friends just to continue surviving with pure guilt.

I am just a stranger to myself, I don't even remember my own mother's face.

I wish I would've ended it all by myself.

But Jonathan needs help, maybe I should keep my own sanity, just to care for him.

I’ve locked myself in my own room, Kanji and Anika.. I don’t know anymore.

Are they still alive, like Jason?

I hope you all read this.

Don’t worry about me, I'm fine.

December 25, 2024 - My deepest apologies

I am sorry for the crimes I've done, I do not hope I am forgiven.

I am sorry for the pain and silence I gave to my family.

I am sorry for my life being a complete shamble of regret.

I am sorry for being so severely insane that I cannot recognize myself.

And I believe there is nothing up here unlike what others say, there is no sight of god, no sight of the heavenly gates.

Satan is not underground, and God isn’t up in the sky.

Crimes of the world are always committed, yet they aren’t truly forgiven.

I love my family, friends that no longer exist, I will hold my guilt till the world fully crumbles. - Me

[mydegreeofmurder]

Happy Halloween! I wrote a little feature on scary Beatles stuff.

Last year, I compiled a list of my personal scariest songs, and it was a lot of fun to see the variety of genres and artists that have the potential to make truly terrifying music. But who do I think has the potential to reign supreme on the uncomfortable songs scale? That's right, the Beatles.. especially in a time where groups were actively encouraged to make radio-friendly teen pop music.

There's lots I wanted to talk about, but I decided to focus specifically on the 1964-1965 period of Hard Day's Night and Rubber Soul, which is weird because when people think of scary Beatles songs they usually think of White Album tracks or Magical Mystery Tour, even though I do believe their earlier records have some frightening elements..

Run For Your Life: The Hidden Horrors of the Beatles (1964-1965)

I briefly annotated Revolution 9 by the Beatles as one of the most horrifying songs ever recorded, with its stressful, drug-fuelled instrumental incoherence. However, after realising the true extent of actually fear-inducing tracks by the Beatles, I wanted to magnify and look closer at their discography. We all have this schematic flowery picture of John, Paul, George and Ringo performing adoring love songs for thousands of screaming teenage girls in the sixties, but there were without a doubt many times where they went against their own image by parodying it - sometimes in the most eerie and dark ways possible.

Released at the peak of Beatlemania in 1964, A Hard Day’s Night seems at a glance to be non-conceptual, generic play at simple pronoun-based romance. The purest of which being ‘I’m Happy Just To Dance With You’, ‘Any Time At All’ and ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’, but this album attempts to cuts deeper with implications of revenge, jealousy, hate and even death. Undying love and affection as represented in this album is almost overridden with a kind of uneasiness. The light, youthful steadiness of young love tends to disintegrate into a rougher, stricter male voice. It can at times, with the cynical listening ear, be an uncomfortable lyrical rabbit hole to go down - the darker cuts that oppose A Hard Day’s Night’s jovial appearance are mainly ‘If I Fell’, ‘You Can’t Do That’, ‘Tell Me Why’ and ‘I’ll Be Back’. The Beatles may feel like a group that you are least likely to associate with unhealthy, possessive romantic relationships but is cruelty hiding in plain sight?

Firstly, in the album’s third track, we get the sense that the speaker in the majority of the songs isn’t a completely stable lover, with repetition that begs for affection as he clashes with his own anxieties (‘If I trust in you, oh, please/Don’t run and hide/If I love you too…Don’t hurt my pride like her’). Lennon and McCartney’s portrayal of an uncertain, distrustful perspective in the face of young love continues into tracks six (‘Well I beg you on my bended knees/If you’ll only listen to my pleas/Is there anything I can do?/Cause I really can’t stand it, I’m so in love with you’) and twelve (‘I can’t help my feelings,/I go out of my mind/I’m going to let you down/And leave you flat’). I want to perhaps suggest that this album is full of its own twists and turns. The accusations as expressed in the dramatic ‘You Can’t Do That’ and adamant ‘I’ll Be Back’ could be taken with some ominous implications, even just taking the visuals of ‘leaving’ a woman ‘flat’ AKA dead is a deeply unsettling image.

I also wanted to focus partly on the album artwork. When the album was first released, there were two main versions of the album artwork for A Hard Day’s Night. The US stereo cover, which featured the signature haircuts of the Beatles with their faces cut out in a four-square format, and the universally known cover in all its monographic beauty. With 20 variations of photographs, the artwork is without a doubt very chaotic and unruly, much like its film counterpart. The aspects that stand out to me the most as quite strange are the way the photos are arranged, with no Beatle doing the exact same thing for one row and that peculiar shot dead in the middle where George Harrison has his back to the camera (just above that is John Lennon concealing most of his face except for his eyes with the facial gestures he’s making). This album endlessly conceals, hides and tricks; it is one thing, and then it suddenly turns into another. It is for the most part an album of love songs��� or that’s what it wants you to think.

Rubber Soul, like many things that the Beatles became eventual pioneers of, is debated to be the first of its kind - a parodic, novelty album. Poking fun at the many tropes and typicalities of soul music, one of the most prominent genres of music that make up the roots of the band itself. By the release of Rubber Soul, they had solidified their nature to be witty, playful and creative with the music they wanted to make. Despite its reputation to be on the less serious side, the creepiness factor ups itself slightly further into the album’s second half. Initially, ‘Girl’ is noted as a somewhat humorous rendition of lost love, due to John Lennon’s sharp inhales after each ‘girl’ in the chorus - but I can’t help but think about how much it catches you off guard. The noise is very raw and human, and although vocals throughout the song are controlled throughout, hearing someones breath take in so unexpectedly gives the song a rugged, intense foreboding. Nevertheless, I believe the most terrifying spectacle of Rubber Soul is the album’s closing track, ‘Run for Your Life’. ‘Run for Your Life’ paces like a mini-horror film; its imagery is narcissistic and emotionless. Even the way that Lennon emphasises the word ‘dead’ at the third verse is chilling and final. The constant use of ‘little girl’ to address a female partner is demeaning and patronising, the speaker clarifying his power and control over her. At times, he revels in his own wretchedness (‘Well, you know that I’m a wicked guy/And I was born with a jealous mind’). It is an unashamedly devilish song, and you are left feeling haunted when the record stops spinning. A little bit about this album’s ‘distorted’, pre-psychedelic artwork; the fact that you aren’t looking at the band head on in this photograph makes it dizzying and dazed. There did exist some pressings where the sleeve featured an undistorted photo, those of which are considered very valuable rarities in this day and age, but this still doesn’t quite capture the true unpredictability of Rubber Soul. It is only right that the creative process of the album, however darkly it ends, is envisioned with this almost surreal, dream-like cover.

(Below is a picture of the undistorted version, for your general interest.)