#also is this like. the longest i've gone without posting anything

[crystallizsch]

HI I MISSED TWST EN ANNIVERSARY AGAIN <///33

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY— 💥💥💥

[machine-saint]

the op of that "you should restart your computer every few days" post blocked me so i'm going to perform the full hater move of writing my own post to explain why he's wrong

why should you listen to me: took operating system design and a "how to go from transistors to a pipelined CPU" class in college, i have several servers (one physical, four virtual) that i maintain, i use nixos which is the linux distribution for people who are even bigger fucking nerds about computers than the typical linux user. i also ran this past the other people i know that are similarly tech competent and they also agreed OP is wrong (haven't run this post by them but nothing i say here is controversial).

anyway the tl;dr here is:

you don't need to shut down or restart your computer unless something is wrong or you need to install updates

i think this misconception that restarting is necessary comes from the fact that restarting often fixes problems, and so people think that the problems are because of the not restarting. this is, generally, not true. in most cases there's some specific program (or part of the operating system) that's gotten into a bad state, and restarting that one program would fix it. but restarting is easier since you don't have to identify specifically what's gone wrong. the most common problem i can think of that wouldn't fall under this category is your graphics card drivers fucking up; that's not something you can easily reinitialize without restarting the entire OS.

this isn't saying that restarting is a bad step; if you don't want to bother trying to figure out the problem, it's not a bad first go. personally, if something goes wrong i like to try to solve it without a restart, but i also know way, way more about computers than most people.

as more evidence to point to this, i would point out that servers are typically not restarted unless there's a specific need. this is not because they run special operating systems or have special parts; people can and do run servers using commodity consumer hardware, and while linux is much more common in the server world, it doesn't have any special features to make it more capable of long operation. my server with the longest uptime is 9 months, and i'd have one with even more uptime than that if i hadn't fucked it up so bad two months ago i had to restore from a full disk backup. the laptop i'm typing this on has about a month of uptime (including time spent in sleep mode). i've had servers with uptimes measuring in years.

there's also a lot of people that think that the parts being at an elevated temperature just from running is harmful. this is also, in general, not true. i'd be worried about running it at 100% full blast CPU/GPU for months on end, but nobody reading this post is doing that.

the other reason i see a lot is energy use. the typical energy use of a computer not doing anything is like... 20-30 watts. this is about two or three lightbulbs worth. that's not nothing, but it's not a lot to be concerned over. in terms of monetary cost, that's maybe $10 on your power bill. if it's in sleep mode it's even less, and if it's in full-blown hibernation mode it's literally zero.

there are also people in the replies to that post giving reasons. all of them are false.

temporary files generally don't use enough disk space to be worth worrying about

programs that leak memory return it all to the OS when they're closed, so it's enough to just close the program itself. and the OS generally doesn't leak memory.

'clearing your RAM' is not a thing you need to do. neither is resetting your registry values.

your computer can absolutely use disk space from deleted files without a restart. i've taken a server that was almost completely full, deleted a bunch of unnecessary files, and it continued fine without a restart.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Postpartum

Amelia Shepherd x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI (NSFW), sex, oral sex, hella eating out, fingering, etc., mentions of anatomy/body parts, some explicit language, post-pregnancy times (please let me know if I've left anything out!) Word Count: 2.0k

Summary: You're six weeks postpartum, and your doctor has cleared you for sex, but you're worried that it might not be the same anymore. Amelia assuages all of your worries. 😉

Request Info: This was requested by an anonymous user, but the request itself accidentally got deleted! The user also requested that the reader be an ortho surgeon and a third twisted sister. Whoever you are, I hope you find this, and I'm so sorry to have lost your original request!

“You’re good to go,” your OBGYN declared, finishing up your 6-weeks postpartum checkup.

You raised your eyebrows at her. “As in, good to go?”

She laughed. “Good to go, as in cleared to resume any and all sexual activity as you feel ready for it.”

You nodded and repeated it to yourself. “Good to go…”

But as you left Grey-Sloan, making a quick stop at the ortho unit to say hello to the nurses and the other attendings, you couldn’t help but wonder if you really were good to go. Sure, you missed sex with Amelia. You missed her body, missed connecting with her in that way, but you were also so self-conscious. You hadn’t had any major tears or anything, but you had shoved a human head out of your vagina less than two months ago. It was bound to be different down there. It felt different. What if sex didn’t feel good anymore? What if it never did? Or, even worse, what if it looked or felt different for Amelia, and she didn’t like sleeping with you anymore?

You decided to text Meredith and Cristina about it, as you so often did about any and everything.

Y/N: You guys I’ve been cleared for sex

M: Yay!

C: Good for you bitch

Y/N: I’m kinda scared tho…

M: Aw, why?

Y/N: Does it hurt after? Or like idk was Derek weirded out?

C: It feels like I could have been left out of this conversation

M: Shut up Cristina we’re being supportive! And no Y/N it didn’t hurt. You just have to take it slow and do what feels good at the time. And stop if it doesn’t feel good.

C: You don’t have a dick to deal with so you should be okay

M: CRISTINA

Y/N: I mean tbh we have several

M: Ew she’s my sister I didn’t need to know that…

C: I need to know more…

You shook your head and smiled. You decided that you might as well try, if Amelia was up for it. And there was no question that Amelia was up for it. She’d powered through like a champ, but before this, the longest you’d gone without having sex was two weeks and that was only because you’d been brought in as a specialist on a case at another hospital.

When you walked into the apartment, everything was quiet–a rarity at your house these days. You crept through the rooms, looking for Amelia and Pippa, and finally found them in the nursery. Amelia held Pippa to her chest, bouncing her softly as she slept, little chubby cheeks pressing out like she was blowing bubbles.

You placed a hand on Amelia’s back and kissed her on the cheek. You nodded toward Pippa, eyebrows scrunched.

“I just can’t bring myself to put her down,” Amelia whispered. “How was your appointment?”

“Good.”

Amelia stared pointedly at you. “Good good?”

You nodded, smirking.

If Pippa had not been tiny and fragile, Amelia would have tossed her into the crib like a football.

She placed the baby gently on her back in the crib, then crashed into you with the force of a tidal wave–or six weeks of no sex.

She pushed you into the hallway wall, shutting Pippa’s door behind her, and pressed into you, her mouth and hands desperate. She ran her tongue up and down your neck and back to your mouth and yanked your shirt over your head. God, you’d missed this. You’d missed her. Even though she’d been right here next to you the whole time. She groaned as she pushed herself into you, and you smiled into her kiss.

At this rate, Amelia would be finished before you even had a chance to make it to the bed.

“No, no!” she whined as you pulled away, her blue eyes pleading desperately with you.

“Come to bed, Amy,” you teased, taking her by the hand and leading her to the bedroom.

You gently removed her clothes and pushed her onto the bed. “You first,” you said.

She grabbed at your face hungrily as you leaned over her, kissing you with all the fervor of someone who’s love has been lost at sea for several years. She gasped and arched her back as your hand grazed over her clit.

You couldn’t help but smile at how needy she was, her hips bucking into your hand as you held it still, cupping her heat.

“Y/N, don’t fucking tease me,” she scolded, her voice stuttering. “It’s been way too long for that.”

“Oh, you don’t like that?” you said, smug. It was not often that Amelia was this powerless in bed. Usually it was the other way around, so you were enjoying this moment.

She grabbed your face, rough, and then soft as she ran her hand through your hair. “Just finish me already so I can get inside you.” She pulled your face closer, her breath hot in your ear as she whispered. “I’ve missed the taste of you.”

You’d never switched gears faster. No more power trips, just getting Amelia off as quickly as possible.

You kissed and licked your way down her body, intoxicated by the way she pushed into you and pulled you closer. By the time you reached her center, she was panting and glistening and you knew it'd only be a matter of minutes before she was absolute putty.

You pressed soft kisses into her inner thighs, then closer and closer until she was nearly bursting with the want of you, so that when you finally, finally, wrapped your mouth around her clit, she nearly lost her mind. You held her hips in place as she moaned, licking your way through her, around her, inside of her until she was shaking in your arms, hips rolling to meet your tongue. And for the final touch, you slipped two of your fingers inside of her, curling down and around, just how you knew she liked it. Her hands were gripping your hair so hard you thought might pull it out. “Y/N!” she gasped, her breath coming out in short, sharp moans as she came on your fingers. You smiled as you buried your face in her, guiding her through her high and back down again.

“Holy shit,” she breathed, her chest still heaving.

“Good?” you asked, already knowing the answer, as you wiped your mouth.

She nodded, still struggling to catch her breath. “Give me a second.”

You lay down next to her, feeling wildly pleased with yourself, especially when Amelia rolled over on top of you and pressed her mouth into yours, moaning as she tasted herself on your lips.

But as she worked her way down your body, anxiety shot through you.

You grabbed her hand. “Amy, wait…”

She looked up at you, concerned.

“You don’t have to,” you said, avoiding her eyes.

“I know I don’t,” she replied, still looking at you curiously. “I want to. I’ve wanted to for months.”

“I think…” you stuttered. “I think I’d really rather you didn’t.”

Amelia’s eyebrows furrowed. “Hey,” she said, laying down next to you and propping herself up on her elbow so she could see your face. “What’s going on?”

“I’m just not ready.”

“That’s fine, but you seemed super ready about two minutes ago.”

You didn’t respond, fiddling with an edge of your comforter.

“Y/N,” she said, brushing your hair behind your ear. “Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head please.”

She took your hand and you played with her fingers for a moment before answering.

“I’m scared you won't like it.”

Amelia looked genuinely shocked. “You’re what now?”

“I got messed up down there,” you mumbled. “What if it’s not like normal for you?”

“Oh, babe,” she said, caressing your face. “You’re not messed up. You could never be messed up. You’re you and I love you. I love all of you.”

You stayed quiet.

“Honey,” she continued, more emphatic now. “Your body made a whole human. A human that is sleeping in the bedroom down the hallway. A beautiful, precious human that I love with all my heart and hope with all my heart stays asleep for a while so that I can get in there. She had her time. It's my fucking turn."

You couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

“Listen,” she ranted, excited that your mood was brightening and trying to make you laugh more. “I’m like the Lewis and Clark of vaginas, okay? The wilderness must be explored. I gotta get in there and get the lay of the land. And it might be new, right?”

You nodded, grinning and blushing.

“But new doesn’t mean bad. Lots of times new means better. So just… let me do my exploring, okay?”

“Okay,” you acquiesced.

Amelia was gentler with this attempt, slow and steady and worshipful as she moved down your body, taking her time especially at the place where your uterus still bulged, where new stretch marks had drawn their way across your abdomen. And when she got to your center, she was gentle there, too, mindful of your anxiety, mindful that it might take your body more time than usual to warm up.

She was loving and slow and obsessive, sighing with pleasure as she placed kisses along the inside of your thighs, on your clit, all over you. Amelia’s careful touch had washed away most of your anxiety, leaving behind your flushed face, the shuddering of your body each time her skin met yours.

And when finally, finally, she had you wet and whimpering, she dove in like a woman starved.

“Amy,” you breathed, lightly holding her head in your hands as you threw your own head back, your hips rising to meet her. You could feel her smile against you.

“You want more?” she asked, and you knew she meant, Do you want fingers or a strap or a toy or anything like that?

You shook your head. “No, just–” Your breath caught in your throat, replaced by a moan as the knot in your lower abdomen tightened.  “Just keep going.”

If there was one thing about Amelia, it was that she could eat you out forever. You’d been afraid that would change, but clearly your fears had been unfounded. She was insatiable.

“Amy–” you exclaimed, arching your back as your body approached the edge. You couldn’t even get the words out, just “Amy” over and over.

She reached up to grasp one of your hands in hers as you fell apart around her, Amelia lapping up every last bit of you.

You breathed heavily, watching as Amelia emerged from between your thighs, grinning like an idiot, her face an absolute mess.

You laughed as she wiped her face. “I take it your expedition went well?”

“God!” she exclaimed, flopping down beside you. “I missed you.”

“We literally have not been apart for weeks.”

“Okay, well, then I missed your vagina.”

You giggled, rolling over a bit to kiss her on the cheek. “You’re a dork.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dork,” Amelia retorted, pulling you in for another heated kiss.

You were interrupted then by a loud, crinkly wail through the baby monitor.

Amelia groaned, but you could see a smile creeping in. She stood and stretched. “I’ll go get her.”

“Amelia!” you hissed, throwing a pillow at her. “You can't bring her in here! We’re naked, and it smells like sex!”

“She’s six weeks old! She won’t remember!” Amelia nodded at you. “Go take a shower. Relax. Then we can switch. It's almost time to feed her anyway.”

You lay in bed a moment longer, waiting to hear Amelia on the baby monitor.

“Hello!” she cooed, her voice crackling through the speaker as Pippa continued to cry. “Hi, pretty girl! Oh, I know. I know. You want Mama? Let’s go see her. Oh, you love your mama, don’t you? Mommy does, too.”

You smiled, your heart full as you listened.

“We loooooove Mama, don’t we? Yes, we do. We love her so much.”

[peachhcs]

THE NEW BREAKUP TIMELINE!!

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

after some consideration, i'm changing the breakup timeline for our lovely friends samy and will!!! wooohooo!! (because let's be real, could i really drag it out that long? no.) i've bulleted everything that's changed, so take a read and see what's new!! i will be writing bigger fics for the major points so don't worry, but if there's any bullets you want expanded into a fic or blurb, let me know!!

i will still keep the previous breakup timeline fics up, we'll just pretend some of it doesn't exist and it's like a parellel universe to the au lmao. the charm bracelet still does exist btw!! but yay!! enjoy new samy and will timeline!! i just love them so much i couldn't drag it out more, so i changed it up!! also yes will's new post may have influenced this decision as well :))

au masterlist

will breaks up with samy a few days after they get back from worlds (end of May) 

will signs with the san jose sharks (end of May) 

samy and will don’t speak for the month of June (the longest they’ve gone without talking)

will goes to the bauer combine where he talks to this girl in hopes of getting his mind off samy, but it doesn’t work because when he makes a joke that the girl doesn’t laugh at because only samy gets, will realizes it’s all wrong and he shouldn’t have broken up with her 

this highkey makes him spiral hard because he realizes how big of a mistake he made 

he panic calls gabe and ryan in hopes that they’ll tell him what to do 

gabe and ryan tell him that he needs to talk to her!! 

will’s scared to reach back out because what if samy doesn’t want to talk to him (rightfully so)  

he goes back home for a bit where he confides in grace and his mom (for once!!) 

they tell him that he should reach out if he wants it’s really up to him, but he needs to realize he lost all of samy’s trust because of what he did and said, so she may not warm up to him as quickly or easily 

meanwhile, samy sees all the content of will at the combine which makes her happy and sad at the same time 

happy because he’s experiencing all these things and meeting so many new people, but sad because she misses him and wishes they worked something out between them or at least talked more before will made that decision

she doesn’t reach out though. too scared and not wanting to distract him from working on all his media things 

another week passes and now it’s july which means the smith + hughes family vacation is coming up!! 

(i said will would skip out on this, but i’m changing it so he does end up showing up) it’s the first time they’ve seen one another since the breakup so two months 

they’re kind of awkward and avoid each other at first because they’re only really there because their parents forced them to be 

samy hangs around on the deck or anywhere away from the boys because she knows wherever her brothers are, will is there 

(jack, quinn, and luke are like lowkey still pissed at will, but they cool off a bit when they talk to him about it more and see that he really regrets it and wants to get back together) 

on the third day, samy and will can’t keep avoiding each other. they’re the only ones awake one night after a long day going out and about with everyone 

will approaches samy first when he finds her down on the dock just sitting by herself 

they talk some awkward small talk before getting into the meat of everything 

in short, will admits he messed up, he was just scared of the distance and not being good enough for her because he’s gonna be so far away once summer’s over and he doesn’t want to hold her back from anything 

samy half forgives him, but tells him she wishes he talked to her more. basically, will’s going to have to work to get her trust back and he definitely knows that, so they decide to start back as friends before jumping into anything

after that talk, the rest of the vacation is less awkward and they slowly warm back up to one another which the parents are happy to see 

the smiths go back to boston after the vacation, so samy and will don’t see one another again until the end of july/beginning of august when will’s move out is coming up  

they still talk a bit over text though 

(the farewell party is a bit different now and will knows they’re coming instead of finding out the morning before and they talk at the party again. another mini reunion again) 

samy talks with gabe and ryan privately later that day about her and will. 

once the party’s over, samy and her family and the guys stay back for a bit and they all just hang out like old times

later that night, will gets samy alone again. they make cute little small talk which leads to will asking samy to fly out to california with him to help him move in like they always talked about 

she agrees and so they’re all flying out that next week  

they spend that whole weekend decorating will’s apartment and making it “him” 

the day before samy flies back home to start her own pre season camps for soccer, will takes a chance and takes samy out on a date 

it’s like they never even broke up in the first place on that date 

by the end of the night, will asks samy if they could try again and he promises he won’t fuck it all up again 

samy agrees and they get back together with the promise that the distance doesn’t matter no matter what happens!! 

[ihatedean]

please help my baby get his ear surgery done<3

thank you for clicking read more :)

so after months of testing the vet informed us a few days ago that our cat does, in fact, have skin cancer. to get more specific it's actually squamous-cell carcinoma.

(text is in spanish but im sure google lens can translate pretty well.)

it's affecting the tip/side of his left ear and hasn't spread to his nose or the other ear, so the vet recommended surgery to get the ear removed as soon as we possibly can. this would be on september 2nd, this monday.

exams like x-rays and biopsies have already been pretty expensive so i'm making this post to hopefully offset the cost of his pinnectomy (ARS$180,000->USD$189) even just a little bit. the whole thing has been really stressing and adding to that a messed up family situation where i can't ask them for help, please trust me when i say i wouldn't do this if i didn't need to.

details for the fic commissions:

my ao3 account for reference

right now im working on stuff for supernatural and formula 1 so that's where my brain's at, mostly, but ive done a lot of writing for jojo's bizarre adventure (im Very fluent with jotaro and all part 3-4 characters) and for the argies in the room, i've even written stuff for los simuladores and el marginal. i have no issues writing in spanish (rioplatense).

im also comfortable writing for genshin impact. been playing for years and im familiar with the lore up until fontaine. i've been itching to write something for a while :)

im Very Very familiar with x reader fics and will do OC x Character or OC x OC gladly as long as you provide character art or detailed descriptions to help me capture them best.

im comfortable writing pretty much every ship for the fandoms i named and can do gen, teen, mature and explicit works. im open to all kinks and have a history of doing incest and age-gap pairings. im comfortable with most dark themes— will write dub-con, non-con, cnc, and want to hear your weirdly specific skinks. in general, it's easier to say what i will not do than what i will. no judgement, as long as you respect

what i will not do:

horror

gore

necrophilia

violent non-con or explicit non-con (mentioning it in the story is fine, but i will not write the actual scene)

scat

vore

race play (hateful imagery/racial slurs)

kidfic

for formula 1 im simply inept at doing maxiel and c2. in general, i struggle with max and carlos. won't write anything for lando, sorry. anything else from 2010 to 2024 is fine, and im open to AUs of any kind as well as gender bending :)

pricing

Tier 3 — USD$5 for 500 words. 5 slots open

Tier 2 — USD$10 for 1k to 3k words. 2 slots open

Tier 1 — USD$25 for 4k to 10k words. 2 slots open

if i exceed wordcount in any case, it's on me. i'm a yapper.

contact me here or ask for my gmail in tumblr dms ^^

i can only accept ppal for USD$. if you're in argentina and you're interested, dm me for mercadopago info :)

(if you just want to donate that's totally cool. i just felt weird asking for money without anything to offer. it's a me thing)

ppal link

if you read this whole thing, thank you. here is the boy himself. he's almost 11 years old, incredibly grumpy, manipulative, called ugly by almost all my friends, has already gone through eye surgery so that's why his eyes look Like That, and on the rare occasion he sits on my lap i literally cry.

please put sunscreen on your cats, especially if they have white hair like aki. we didn't know for the longest time that exposure to the sun could cause skin cancer on cats and by the time we knew and started doing it, it was too late.

[project-sekai-facts]

What are your predictions for the lineups of the next event(s)? Cause at first we were thinking tsukasa5 lim but then VBS got it,and now we have the Toya mixed event with a Toya, Kanade, and An 4 stars as the event starting tomorrow , when a lot of people were expecting kamiyama2 with Mizuki, so now what do you think?

yeah sorry i didn't do an event prediction post this month. i already made predictions for a lim mixed event and my though process was "i'll read lead to shine more and then do a prediction post in the morning". and then it was the morning and mmj hakolim 4 existed. anyway.

the lim event for this month is. kinda hard to predict despite the lack of options. obviously we have to consider the 4th anniversary banner at this point in time, which has six rateups and takes a lot of options out for this month's event.

so i'll start with my 4th anniversary predictions

emu banner. unless she's august, it's her. it can't be rui or tsukasa, and she's gone longer without a lim than nene. while that doesn't really mean anything, the fact she's getting incredibly close to 4 years without a mixed event it makes sense and lines up pretty well for this to be emu mix 2

haruka 3*. the only mmj characters eligible for the banner are haruka and airi. ideal idol just happened and capped haruka at 7 lims and while airi isn't capped, haruka's gone longest in the game without a 3* card.

the rateups i'm less sure about. i think the vbs rateup will be toya, if only because he has less lims than an. niigo will most likely be ena. mizuki5 is likely gonna be either 1 or 2 events away from this so. yeah. leoneed i'm less sure about. there's a leoneed event in september definitely, but i'm not sure who it will be. i initially predicted ichika but considering something shiho said in leoneed wle i wouldn't be surprised if it was her. if it's a shiho event, saki's on 4th anni. if it's an ichika or honami event, shiho is on 4th anni (probably unless they make saki reward card AGAIN).

yeah so emu/toya/ena/saki or shiho 4* + haruka 3*

oh yeah rin is almost definitely fes that'll be explained in like 2 seconds (watch me be wrong)

anyway now that that's out the way

rui basically controls everything here. he has to get a lim this month or he's fes. unless clpl decides to keep him waiting even longer than the gap between kanade fes 1 and spojoy. i've seen some spec over rui/honami/mafuyu but imo...nah. actually this is less for it being darkfes again and more for the mafuyu/rui kizuna that just dropped.

not sure how many people have picked up on this, but the game tends to hold off on giving kizuna until they're "done" with a pair. it explains why groups like the rainbow canvas trio got kizuna immediately but groups like thrilling white day trio took ages to get kizuna. the latter 3 attend the same school and interact quite a lot, so they held off so they had more fleshed out dynamics to pick title names from, but ena doesn't really have a huge window of opportunity for further interaction with emu and honami, so they're about as fleshed out as those dynamics will get after one event.

obviously the stories are only written so far ahead, so things do change, like shizuku and tsukasa interacting again in pandemonium ages after their kizuna title released (though their titles probably would be the same had the kizuna released later). this would also explain the delay on emu + bad dogs kizuna and the mafuyu/rui one, maybe they planned something more but the opportunity never came so they gave in. like seriously if mafuyu and rui are gonna have an event together soon why would they add their kizuna just before it? like maybe hypothetical honami/mafuyu/rui event provides nothing for their dynamic but i dunno it feels like an odd choice.

ANYWAY maybe i'm wrong. for some other possible lineups, there's ichika/honami/rui who all have some level of interest in gardening, ichika/nene who aren't on first-name basis even after that one 4koma where they accidentally slipped up, mafuyu and nene have no proper interactions yet so that's an interesting dynamic you could explore, or you could do an an/ichika broadcasting club event (this is the least likely option). i mean maybe they will just eliminate almost everyone who's still on 5 lims in one fair sweep by doing honami/rui/mafuyu august event into saki/toya/emu/ena anni + honami/rin fes, but seriously when has the game been that nice with distribution meta, especially with whatever is going on right now.

oh yeah for normal september events it'll be leoneed and niigo. saki basically has to be rateup whatever way you do it. maybe ichika/saki/honami or ichika/saki/vsinger. mizuki5 is where things get interesting because although people have speculated mizuki/ena/meiko, there's the possibility of this backing onto the anniversary event where one of them has to be limited. you could always do n25->ln->anniv tho and that solves the problem. or mizuki5 could be mizuki/mafuyu/meiko if the game decides it hates the concept of plot relevant 4*s.

i think i've contradicted myself like 5 times now. here's a rough mockup of some of my thoughts (ignore where it says EN name i just write my notes in the ensekai column)

[dibidibidismynameisleeknow]

2024 Wrapped

Thanks to @spacequokka for tagging me in this! This has definitely been the biggest year yet for me on this site. I've met some really cool people and the discord group chat has been super supportive as well. I never expected anything to take off, but all of the nice comments, asks, and reblogs are all really motivating. On a personal note, if not for this blog, Seventeen, and Yuta I wouldn't have the people in my life that I do.

2024 Fic Stats

Number of works posted: 5

Number of fics in progress: 4 at least

Total Words Written: 31,125

Top 5 Posts

12 Days of Mingyu - Mingyu x Reader (204 notes) - Christmas themed fluffy drabbles

Friendsgiving - Mingyu x Reader (94 notes) - Thanksgiving themed fluffy oneshot

The First Snow - Doyoung x Reader (13 notes) - Christmas themed fake dating

Here (In Your Arms) - Yuta x Reader (7 notes) - Angst. Major character death

Without You I'm so Lonely - Minghao x Reader (6 notes) - New Year's themed angst

Most Recent Fic

Without You I'm so Lonely - Minghao x Reader

2210 words

Posted December 29th 2024

I'm thinking about continuing this one but I'm not sure about that yet.

Longest Fics

Oneshot: Here (In Your Arms) - 7896 words

Series: 12 Days of Mingyu - 10,536 words

My Favourite Fic I Wrote

I'd have to say Friendsgiving. It happened so effortlessly and it took off like I couldn't imagine. I've received so many nice words from people about it and that has been very inspiring. If I hadn't wrote it, then 12 days of Mingyu wouldn't have happened and that was probably the most challenging thing I've done. I am very grateful for that.

Goals for 2025

I want to try writing smut; I have a Yuta and Mark (Tuan) one on the go, and I really want to finish the Wonwoo one that has been collecting dust in my Google docs. I also have a fic for Seungcheol and one for Seokmin in my Google docs as well. I really want to write up the one for Seungcheol, but I have to switch some ideas around with the Seokmin fic for that. I also want to continue Minghao's story, and give a backstory for my Mingyu work.

My Favourite Fics I Read

In no specific order (because only picking a few fics literally broke me)

A Very Patient Man by @shina913 (Jihoon x Reader)

This one was just so effortlessly funny, it was smutty but also like really natural in the characters' chemistry

To Love Easily by @minghaoyoudoin (Minghao x Reader)

This was probably the first Minghao fic I read before I spiraled into becoming a carat so I will cherish that.

Take My Hands (We Can Fall Together) by @the-boy-meets-evil (Lee Chan x Reader)

I read this fic while I was terribly sick and it warmed my heart (plus it's a series and the first Dino fic I read)

Out of the Woods by @sluttywoozi (Yunho x Reader)

This fic altered my brain chemistry so hard it made me Yunho biased, and I haven't gone back since.

Cream of the Crop by @jiminscaramel (Changkyun x Reader)

It's because of stories like this one that I made my second blog to reblog fics and a fic rec list, I really enjoy it and I thought I lost it forever.

City Lights by @hannieween (Joshua Hong x Reader)

I don't know how V does it, but this is a great series and she has made her whole own universe.

Closer by @hannieehaee (Wonwoo x Reader)

The chemistry, the dialogue. I loved Wonwoo in this fic so much.

Tagged: I'm honestly not sure who has done it or not. If you have, I apologize. There's no pressure to reply or do the wrapped if you've been tagged in this post at all.

@pasteidolons @beomcoups-main @neoneun-au @thepixelelf @suhnandmoon

Shoutout to my little motivators @leejenoenthusiast for the photos of Doyoung and @yoshit-he-dinosaur for their support as well!

I reblog everything at @dibidibifanfics so if you want some good recs check there and here

[steddieas-shegoes]

you belong in a boat out at sea

for @corrodedcoffinfest popup event prompt 'sloth'

rated e | 1313 words | no cw | tags: gareth and di established relationship, masturbation, vaginal fingering, gareth does his favorite thing in the world: eats his wife out

You guys. If you know me at all, you know how much I fucking LOVE Tuesday’s Gone With the Wind. You may also know how much I love Gareth, and especially in this fic and all fics within this universe. I also super love his wife in this universe, Di, who is maybe my dream wife also. I have never wanted to be a third for a fictional couple more than these two. Di is the OC of all time, brought to you by @thisapplepielife herself.

I got permission from her to post this because ultimately this is based on those two within the Tuesday's universe. It can certainly be enjoyed without knowing anything about that universe, but it's just them. I am so happy she let me "play in her sandbox" as she likes to say. I hope I've done both of them justice!

😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

He’s not moving from this spot all day.

“I’m not moving from this spot today,” Gareth groans as he pulls the blanket over his head.

He’s in a hammock on a dock of the private home he’s renting for their tenth anniversary and Di’s standing in the doorway watching him. He can’t see her but he knows she’s smiling. She hasn’t stopped smiling since they got here.

“Might be hard to enjoy the water from there,” she’s definitely smirking. He can picture it. He smiles to himself because he knows she’s gonna make him move from this spot.

“I can enjoy the water tomorrow,” he says anyway, because he likes pushing her buttons just a little, just enough for her to push back.

“Might be hard to enjoy me.”

Gareth opens his eyes and shoves the blanket off his head. He can feel his hair sprouting off in every direction, looking ridiculous.

Di is standing next to the hammock with a hand on her hip, her other hand playing with the hem of the beach coverup she bought at the airport when they landed. He must’ve missed when she snuck off to change.

“I can enjoy you anywhere.”

Which is sweet, but probably not completely true. He’s a little restricted in a hammock, even though he’d be willing to give it his best go. He’s not sure what the weight limit is on this thing, actually, so maybe he should-

“Enjoy me in the hot tub, then.”

He wants to be lazy, he wants to take a load off after a long flight. The longest he’s taken since- well. Since. He desperately wants to eat out his wife, make her come in every private space they have here. But he really wants to stay in this hammock for a while.

“You’re not getting up, are you?” She asks, but she doesn’t sound upset, just amused.

She knows him. She’s had a lot of time to know him.

“I can get up,” he says, not moving.

“I didn’t ask if you can, I asked if you are,” she’s laughing now, and it’s sweet and loving, even though she’s teasing. That’s one of the best things about her; She can keep him on his toes while keeping him grounded.

“I am.” He pauses for dramatic effect, something he probably got from Eddie at some point over the last two decades. “When I have to.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

And she will. She does.

She’s waited for him before, for longer than he deserved. She’s waited for him at doctor’s appointments and physical therapy and regular therapy. She’ll wait for him to be lazy now. This is nothing compared to the waiting she’s done.

But Gareth’s thinking about what she’s doing while she’s waiting.

Di likes to get herself going, more than any other woman Gareth’s ever been with. She almost likes it more than when he does it for her. He doesn’t complain. Watching her touch herself, arch her back, get herself wet, it’s all perfect. And she loves when he watches, when he’s touching his own dick while she’s stretching herself open on three fingers.

She’s probably doing that now, alone in the hot tub, the heat making her glisten with sweat while she teases her entrance, circles her clit. She likes to take her time, she likes when he takes his time. She’s a romantic at heart, even when they get hot and heavy.

She likes to bask in the feelings. Gareth does too. How can he not when she looks and sounds the way she does?

He decides turning his head won’t take too much energy. He can see the hot tub from the hammock. He sees her head leaned back, eyes closed, lips parted. One arm is resting along the side of the hot tub.

Her cheeks are flushed pink and he knows exactly where her other hand is.

Today was supposed to be a lazy day, he’d already said so. She knew he’d be tired when they got here.

She’s an evil temptress sent from the depths of hell specifically for him.

Or she’s an angel sent from heaven and he did something out of this world to deserve her.

She lets out a moan and he decides being lazy could just mean she sits on his face while he licks her pussy for an hour. As long as he’s horizontal, he would actually prefer that activity.

He gets up slowly, carefully. He didn’t think about how hard it would be to get out of the damn hammock.

When he looks back at her, her eyes are open and she’s smiling lazily at him. She knows exactly what she’s doing and he loves her for it. He can’t even complain about his ruined plans when she’s looking at him like this, like she’s desperate for his touch instead of her own.

She’s damn good at making herself feel good, but Gareth’s better.

He takes his time getting into the hot tub. The last thing he needs is to fall and hit his head. Steve would never let him hear the end of it.

“Decided to join me?” She asks breathlessly. He realizes quickly she’s close and he doesn’t know how she got there so fast.

“Here to take over,” he says as he closes in, gets in her space so he can feel every muscle jump when she moves her fingers deeper inside her. “Even though I’m supposed to be lazy today. Sleep in a hammock. Sleep on the couch. Sleep on the bed.”

He pulls her hand away as he speaks and replaces her fingers with his own. She throws her head back and laughs around a groan as he curls his fingers and starts rubbing his thumb against her clit. She’s not gonna last long.

“You can sleep later.”

She’s moving her hips in circles, making sure he gets to the right parts of her, as if he doesn’t know where they are. As if he hasn’t had every inch of her body memorized for so long it’s a part of him.

She’s clenching around his fingers before he can respond, smiling at the sky as he watches her climax.

“Was it that good or did you work yourself up too much?” He asks without pulling his fingers out. He’s not done yet, and he knows she isn’t either.

“Both. Always both, babe.”

She pushes his hand away and stands. He whines pitifully because he just got out of the hammock to be here. He wasn’t ready to get out of here yet.

She doesn’t go far though.

She sits on the wider edge of the hot tub, spreads her legs, and pulls her bathing suit bottoms to the side. Gareth licks his lips.

He could spend days just doing this, worshiping her while the sun kisses their skin, making her feel good, loving her the way he was always meant to. He’ll never stop loving her in the way she deserves.

He leans in and licks a teasing stripe against her cunt, smiling when she yelps. She’s still sensitive from her last orgasm. It won’t take much to get her there again.

He wouldn’t care if it took forever.

His tongue may get tired eventually, but for now, he’s willing to work her over until they’re both numb and shaking. Nothing makes him happier than tasting her, feeling her pussy flutter around his tongue when he finally breaches her entrance, watching her chest move faster.

He’s was supposed to be lazy today. They both were supposed to. It was almost a direct order from Steve and Eddie.

But if he were lazy, he wouldn’t be able to feel Di tremble through a second orgasm from his tongue. If he were lazy, he wouldn’t have her riding his cock on the lounge chair.

He’d rather not be lazy today.

[marcandreyuri]

talked briefly about this in my tags when i reblogged this post but starting a new fic that im actually really excited about :) i havent written since my mom died, and even though it's only been a month it's the longest i've gone without writing in a long time so i've been feeling really unmoored even putting aside the "my mom just died" feelings. really happy to have an idea that i'm looking forward to writing.

basically the fic is:

winners room au but its not really about winners rooms. its about sid's rookie and sophomore seasons and how he always gets picked for winners rooms and he hates it. obviously they suck (because he sucks in them ba dum dum 🥁). but also. he actually is gay unlike seemingly everyone else, which is discovery he made during his rookie season when he found himself at a gay bar after a game/winners room because he was just driving around and wanted to get out of his head and went into the first bar he saw.

and he has fun! and goes back again and again. makes some friends there with people who definitely know who he is but dont out him since im not interested in writing an outing story rn.

so its sort of about like….. the juxtaposition of being a winners room forfeit while also discovering and exploring his sexuality.

and lo and behold one night his sophomore season he looks across the room and sees geno at the gay bar. geno sees him too and they suddenly have this secret that they share. and they fall in love obviously of course.

but the climax is sid and geno at sid's house having meaningful sex for the first time in sid's life that's NOT in a bar bathroom or in a winners room.

im about 1500 words in and originally thought it might be like 10k but now that ive started writing i think it'll end up being longer? so currently shooting for like 15k with a very very hopeful word count closer to like 20k? last time i was mourning i found losing myself in writing to be really helpful so im trusting that this time i will find the same even though this grieving is like so much more encompassing than anything ive ever felt.

[goddesspharo]

For the Fanfiction Writing Asks: 35, 36, 40, 46, 56, and 75. A lot, but you’re a fave and I’m so curious!

[fic writing asks!]

Thanks for asking!

35. What's your favorite fic you've posted?

Definitely can't fake what you can't break up with, which I will finish soon. (I think I'm so slow about writing-not writing the last chapter because there's a part of me that doesn't want it to end because it has been so much fun to write! It's been a ton of fun to take a very trope-y soapy concept (drunk married in Vegas, continued marriage For Reasons) and spin it out into all the things. It's also ridiculously long so this year when NaNoWriMo rolls around and I say that I can't do it because I can't possibly meet that type of word count in a month, it'll be a bold-faced lie.

36. What fic are you proudest of?

Probably not every conversation is a new grenade, a post-The Batman fic that was, up until then, the longest fic I'd ever written at like 16k (I wish I could keep things that short these days!) after like a five year gap of not writing any fic. There would be a point during the writing process in the past when I'd just get tired of writing a thing and finish it while leaving a bunch of things I wanted to incorporate on the cutting room floor, but I really saw this one through. I'd only watched The Batman once (maybe twice?) before sitting down to write this - it was pretty early into the theatrical release so WB hadn't kicked it onto Max yet - so I'm particularly pleased with how on point the voices were. I also love nearly every iteration of Bruce/Selina and therefore don't write them as much (it's the old Austenian "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more") because I cannot be objective about how they should just be together, why won't you just let them be together, DC so probably the biggest accomplishment of all is that I even wrote this. It was also just a blast to do and gave me an excuse to bust out the 90s grunge playlist at the very beginning and then just listen to so much BANKS that I could not stop for weeks afterwards.

40. What is your favorite world that you've created for a fic?

The Bear as a band AU in put in in a zip-lock bag. Interestingly, a very natural stretch to transplant people from a chaotic kitchen setting to a chaotic, dysfunctional band setting. Mikey as a Kurt Cobain figure practically writes itself. Years of Behind the Music made this possible! I loved the experience of writing that fic and I loved that world! Everyone could be quietly devastated without burning down the kitchen (no promises about the Lollapalooza stage though).

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I was going to say Enemies-to-Lovers, hands down, but that's not an AU, I guess. It would be boring to write one type of AU forever, but if I had to choose I'd go with the tried and true spy AU. (...she says as she still has her current spy!AU remains in WIP hell.) As Sydney Bristow has taught us, Spy!Barbie can be anything so you could theoretically have an AU within your one AU and game the system. Also spies are the best! All popped collars and dead drops and so much guilt about the things they've done and the people they've let down. God, we need Alias back and by that I mean put the original show on streaming with the original music since every replacement track they used because they couldn't get licensing for streaming is terrible.

56. Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance?

That is one spiral I refuse to go down! Once it's out there, it is what it is. I've never wanted to go back and change any fics in a big way (I have gone back and fixed a grammatical error here and there that escaped notice during the editing process) because I wouldn't post it if I wasn't happy with it at the time. There are fics that I wish I had maybe finished before posting (ah, TGM!spy!AU, why are you so elusive?) because now they are albatrosses that I want to finish, know exactly how to finish, and yet can't finish.

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn't expect?

I never know how anything will be received so I don't even try to guess. I operate on a "don't time the market" philosophy except about fic - it is beyond my control so why perseverate over it? I guess I was surprised by how much traction deflect and absorb got. I don't know why, but I think we were all riding the high of a new Jurassic Park movie after like fifteen years (longer if you ignore Jurassic Park III) and had yet to experience "The Worst Chris" burnout (ugh, he really is the worst though) when Jurassic World came out. It was definitely my big dumb blockbuster that summer! In 2015, it wasn't automatically guaranteed that everything would get a handful of shitty sequels so you could live in the space of just enjoying a movie for what it was without thinking about how they were going to mess it up by stretching it out past the expiration date.

[pyrriax]

hello here to ask about the seraphim au again lol

what are wisps? how is disability handled among seraphs? what is the most common way for them to get disabled? how fucked up is spoke exactly? like does he have abnormally long limbs? does he have limbs that he really shouldnt? is there a way for the ones in the fray to get up to the vesper esp with all the ruin? are there any other weapons of war lying around aside from centurions?

this au is really interesting and i love finding out more about it :D

Hello welcome back! I'm happy to answer your questions i love talking about this thing ^_^

Yet another long post ahead, but I've gone ahead and answered all of your questions in as much detail as I can without fully spoiling anything! 👍

What is a Wisp? (Where do they come from, what're they like?)

Wisps are another common creature, originating from cast magic. They vary in size, shape, color, and type, although the most common are ones which have a tendency to either cause small explosions, or light fires. Because of the way their bodies are comprised primarily of magic, they are constantly expending this energy, and thus don't accumulate it the same way that most things do.

These wisps are a common pest in the Vesper, a little like rats, but also a bit more potentially damaging, as they're drawn to places with a high magic content and flow. Although, they're rarely found at the pools in the Fray. This is mostly because Centurions have taken to killing them on sight, since they are quite fond of feeding off the energy which is used to keep them functional. It's a special thing, and it's their favorite.

Once upon a time, they actually had a use, but now they're just considered a bit of a waste product from magic casting.

(Although, that hasn't stopped some curious Seraphs from wondering if it'd be possible to domesticate them in a sense. They aren't inherently harmful, even if they have a habit of starting little fires or blowing cracks in walls. Some wisps simply sap energy and laze about, and though they become rarer later on, these are the ones that stick around places the longest.)

Certain wisps expend their excess energy with mimicry and shapeshifting, some of my references for them are birds like European Starlings and Superb Lyrebirds. Often times, their mimicry can make them even more of a nuisance, especially before the Seraph's extinction, as they were known to lead Seraphim astray by mimicking distress calls and even the sounds of clashing metal. Shapeshifting-wise, they tended to prefer creatures of a similar mass, so most often they'd take forms no bigger than medium sized cats, since anything larger is significantly bigger than any typical wisp. These ones didn't often last long after being created, but they were well documented.

They used to be kept out of important places in the Vesper with gates and small spells, but as those diminished, they began to creep in once again. Their presence sped up the collapse, but it couldn't exactly be prevented.

How is disability handled among seraphs? (Along with a brief explanation of some pieces of Seraphim culture)

Overall, it's treated as something to be respected, as it tends to be the result of actions not the Seraph's own, or of actions that were for the greater good of either the Seraph, or the Vesper as a whole. But, there are certain things which are much more looked down upon, and that is typically things like blindness or missing wings. These types of injuries, and related disabilities (stunted flight, limited vision [in cases where the blindness is partial], etc.), are viewed as almost childish, due to the fact they're especially common occurrences for Seraphim youth.

Older Seraphs commonly deal with lower mobility, at least in comparison to their younger counterparts. While Seraphs will snip and bite at each other (both literally and metaphorically), they are still a social species and care for their ill and disabled. Typically, any care being done for a Seraph will be done by those closer to them, mostly their inner circle and occasionally those associated with those Seraphs.

In cases of lost limbs, for any reason (regardless of how it may be viewed), if all the injury does is heal over and become more of a typical stump, the spot will be adorned with jewelry, and even tattoos or specifically dyed feathers, depending on the specific spot. Rather than being something hidden, these things are typically decorated, highlighted as a show of life and living. This is a bit of a remnant of an old myth which was lost long before anything was written, but it speaks of highlighting these losses as a triumph of life. It's a little bit of a "this is our gift from the stars [in reference to an almost-god] and we must show our appreciation, lest it be taken from us." Along with that, it's viewed as a way of warding off Wisps and other pests from these vulnerable spots.

Common patterns & symbols in these types of jewelry include but aren't limited to: ferns / laurel, flowers (varying types depending on the city, although the most common ones in Vesper are lily of the valley and bleeding hearts), spirals, and insects (again, of varying types depending on the city, the most common ones in Vesper are beetles or millipedes, although the latter are much less common.)

These pieces are made out of a variety of materials, but typically the basis is metals, either cast and shaped or twisted wire, depending on the Seraph's preferences. Pieces of the grown stars used for Centurions are also common place, along with common crystals. Everything used is subject to change, as these are personal to the Seraphs and will reflect their preferences, and even their favorite things. Over time, this jewelry may be reforged and adapted to better suit the Seraph, as time goes on.

What is the most common way for Seraphs to end up disabled? (And maybe a little hint of lore, as a treat)

So, I've mentioned some of the most commonly disabling things, but how the hell does that even happen?

Seraphs have their nasty habit of fighting amongst themselves, which is only more common with the younger of the bunch. While it isn't pleasant, it isn't unheard of for these fights to reach the point of weak points being clawed at/out. Which often entails wings being at the least taken out of their sockets, and at worst clawed off. In the same thread, eyes are also a common spot to be gone after.

But, as time went on, these types of fights became less common, so scars and marks from these fights are more often seen on the fully grown Seraphs. At least, this is the most accepted answer. Though, the truth of it is that usually, Seraphs lost limb and life to the fights which were so often instigated. While it's been most attributed to overly violent youth, it was much more an effect of war. At least, that was before the Centurions.

After them, however, things shifted. Without nearly as many Seraphs out actively participating in the fight aside from those that remained to ensure the Centurions' function, the most commonly disabling occurrences were related to either overexertion of magic over a long period of time (leading to effects a little similar to chronic fatigue & pain) and flight related injury. Though, that was tied with... Poaching related damage to stars.

Damaged stars? Poaching?

As I've already mentioned briefly here, Seraphim stars became a useful weapon due to their properties. While I won't elaborate much more than that for some mild spoiler reasons, let it be known that Seraphs were once revered as gods, but this began to turn into resentment over time. But, what does a damaged star entail for them?

A Seraph with a damaged star (whether it be cracked or chipped, both having different but lasting effects) doesn't often live more than a handful of years longer, as the magic that typically circulates through their body will begin to stagnate. This causes to formation of a sediment of sorts that accumulates in extremities and places like the eyes, mouth, and will even begin to seep into the keratin in their body, as well as their bones/marrow, coloring any new growth anything from pink to deep blues and greens.

While Seraphs are known for having a variety of colors which naturally and commonly occur in their feathers and flesh, these colors are associated heavily with this type of ailment, and those with these colors are often avoided by some of the more paranoid. (There is no risk to other Seraphim, this is a lot like how people will avoid those they perceive as ill / sick even when they know it won't affect them.)

Cracked Stars (All pieces present, but with slight separation or small fragments loose): Slower overall progression, characterized by weakness and general lethargy, along with sharp pain and numbness in extremities as time goes on, since the magic that Seraphs rely on doesn't flow quite how it's supposed to, along with the appearance of the aforementioned colors, since they tend to live long enough for it to completely change their appearance.

Chipped Stars (Pieces are missing, typically from failed removal attempts): Much faster progression, often to an almost violent effect, as instead of accumulating slowly, the magic which would form a sediment will instead begin to crystalize rapidly, making them only really able to live about a year after at most. This can also be the most sudden, as a chipped star likely won't be noticed until there are Wisps circling the Seraph, and sharp pain and complete loss of feeling (a side effect of the magic that's basically pouring out of them, which will make them much like the Centurions in this regard, as they cannot contain the magic.)

Malformed Stars (Not injury based, but included due to the relation and similarities): Some Seraphs are born with malformed stars and will have coloration associated with cracked stars from the very start. Although, it's entirely possible that they can live for a while longer than those whose stars get cracked, as their bodies are given the opportunity to properly adjust, as well as the lack of excess magic directly leaking into their bodies. Varying from Seraph to Seraph, they can have much more volatile magic, or that's less potent than is typical.

So what the fuck is the deal with Spoke? (Why is he like that?)

Spoke is a case of a potentially good thing being used in the worst way possible. Grown stars (or artificial stars, or anything to that degree) are perfect for Centurions, being able to be used as a baseline for the creation of pseudo-personage, a pseudo-soul, if you will. But, the problem is when they interact with another soul. Natural souls will eat away at artificial ones, and this lead to an extremely volatile reaction within Spoke. Along with the issue of souls, human bodies are not exactly made to regulate the magic that comes with these stars, and it causes... Complications.

Caught in an odd place where he both does and doesn't even physically exist at all, Spoke is a little like the ghosts that've taken to haunting the library in the absence of Seraphs. Varying even minute to minute, he can go from looking a little off (almost a little uncanny, in a way. Limbs slightly the wrong proportions, just enough to ring as odd, but not completely distorted) to being almost unrecognizable as human at all, practically surrounded by a thick layer of ambient magic, which can make him look like a bit like a shadow.

Although, as time goes on, this becomes much less varied, and instead, it manifests in the beginnings of Seraph-like features, including an additional set of non-functional eyes. As well, there is a certain dark-green-almost-black that makes his extremities look almost necrotic, although they aren't. This is just a manifestation of the excess magic, much like how it looks for Seraphim with cracked stars. For a period of time, he had grown the beginnings of an additional limb (although, it never got far, as it began to become excruciatingly painful for him), but it was removed.

Spoke is basically in limbo between being alive and dead, which has had its own interesting effects on his psyche, and really, if any true Seraph were there, he likely would've been mercy killed to spare him from this. But, he's happy as can be, despite the agonies. Much like any other human with a star place in them, there is most definitely a noticeable mark that resulted from it, something which has only grown over time. A little like what could've just been a scar at the start begins to morph into creeping vines, looking more and more like they've been struck with lightning.

(This is probably the most subject-to-change-as-i-write thing here, since I'm not 100% set on the primary appearance of it. There are major differences between Seraphim-stars and Grown-stars, and one of those major differences is that Seraphim-stars are much more stable, as they've had a long period of time to be refined and cultivated. Meanwhile grown-stars aren't given that kind of time, and are only an approximation of the real thing. While they can heal and prolong life, they lack the rhyme or reason that Seraphim ones will abide by. They don't know when to quit. They will form tumors and create what I can only describe as an excess of life, they make people sick, they shouldn't be used on organic things even if it's the only option. There's a reason Seraphs will sooner die than use one. They are viable for Centurions purely because of the lack of organic growth.)

Let's talk the Fray (and a little bit about the War, shall we?)

is there a way for the ones in the fray to get up to the vesper esp with all the ruin?

Really, it depends on the scenario! Before the death of the Seraphs, going between the two places was inconvenient, but possible. Typically it involved making some kind of trade with one of the Seraphim in order to be brought to the Vesper, although this was rare. The handful of human mages that did exist were able to move freely between the two places, but they disappeared not long after they began to be noticed. Though, they made a little bit of a resurgence as almost ghost-like figures, after the Seraphs' death.

Seraphim were able to go between the two places, as they never lost their flight, but even those who struggled with it were able to use their magic in order to go between. Centurions were unable to go between the two, as they were designated their places and functionally left to continue that task ad infinium. Humans were a rare sight, but on occasion human merchants were known to get up to the Vesper, usually using crude airships.

are there any other weapons of war lying around aside from centurions?

To be a little ominous for the sake of not spoiling too much: yes. Yes, there are, and they are only getting worse for wear, and even if their creators are long dead, they are not. They're still there, waiting to be called upon once again, to lay the world to even greater waste. Slumbering giants, if you will. I'll be elaborating on these especially in the main fic I have planned, so this is a "wait and see" kind of deal ^_^

Also if you've gotten this far I want to point you toward some art that vaguely inspired the baseline I have for wisps because I love this art and it fascinates me!

first piece is by ida lissner, second by tealnewcombart on etsy, third by tracy debenport!

i couldn't find the much more vibrantly colored type of almost psychedelic art that i've really drawn a fair bit of inspiration from, at least with the colors, these show a lot of the Shapes that i think of with them

[lightgaswaterelectricityrent]

can I just be real and say that it sucks so bad that nothing can ever be the same as it was with harry potter. I've posted before about how I think it's stupid/pointless the way people have gone so far into demanding no one ever mentions it or seemingly even admits they ever cared about it and I do still feel that way but of course I also don't want to do anything that supports JKR, I don't think people should be engaging in buying merch and hyping new bad additions to the series in whatever form that comes in, and I get that for a lot of people the emotions surrounding it have been completely destroyed because I'm also like 75% of the way to just feeling absolutely nothing when it comes up in my life. So many things I would have been captivated by in the past just seem really stupid and blinded to the reality of situation. But it was the main fandom thing I was into for so many years! I really don't see myself ever getting into a fantasy series in the same way ever again just because my mind is not malleable the way it was back then and that's just not something I'm personally going to prioritize as an adult. There's not going to be another elaborate magical world full of seemingly unlimited characters to project onto for me. I don't really want there to be. But I would like to be able to openly talk about the one I did love without starting with a bunch of caveats and risking making people uncomfortable, obviously I can do whatever I want and most people get the nuance of it all but it's not really worth the risk of hurting people or seemingly lionizing JKR so. and I think there's a whole other discussion about separating art and artist etc but with her being such a menance RIGHT NOW in the world and being so powerful in so many circles that kind of feels like that needs to come later if there's any chance a message can be got across to her in this moment (which btw I don't think it can be, the psychology of what is going on with her is a whole OTHER thing to discuss). is this the longest thing I've ever posted on here

[instructionsnotincluded]

urgh i’m sure you’re sick of hearing about it but i have no friends who watch obx and idk where else to channel my feelings 😭 I AM SO UPSET. I genuinely can’t believe they’ve done this, i was lulled into a false sense of security by the announcement for season 5 because i thought surely Rudy would hang on for one final season. I was so convinced rafe would die after his goodbye to sophia that i was distracted from the real danger (sidebar i hated that they build up that relationship just to end it in one sentence over a phone call, i really had hope after rafe telling her it was okay).

I wish they’d brought it to a close this season so badly and just given them a happy ending. The worst part is i was genuinely enjoying part 2 for the most part even with the crazy plot lines. I was hopeful we’d get some real resolution following JJs crash out with him facing up to his issues and talking it out, particularly with Kiara.

The lack of Jiara was genuinely so jarring and obvious i assumed it was intentional and would come to some sort of head wherein JJ would acknowledge how distant he had been and there would be some kind of emotional breakthrough/makeup for the couple but NO. like they really gave us nothing like the handshake when they parted ways had me screaming WHAT WAS THAT.

the death was so so badly done like obviously we would never be happy with JJs death but there were so many better ways around it, having him actively die protecting the pogues not just randomly being stabbed while standing around, having him actually get to say goodbye to them?! POPE NEVER GETTING TO SAY I LOVE YOU BACK?? and like why was he buried in the sand in fucking morocco that literally broke my heart like alone and to be forgotten and never visited in the fucking desert?? Im so angry i’ve been so excited for this season for the longest time and had so much hope based off part 1, i really felt like they’d been listening to the fans and giving us what we wanted in terms of season 1 vibes and i was so hyped to rewatch it all once i finished yesterday, but now the entire thing feels so tainted??

he suffered so much for absolutely nothing and no reason whatsoever. i feel i can’t even rewatch the parts of pt2 that i enjoyed again because they’re so tainted by the jarring energy between rudy and maddison now that i know it’s not part of the plot. it’s so glaringly obvious that none of this was planned, even if there’s some truth in them initially wanting JJ killed off there’s no way they would’ve followed through with it after seeing how much of a fan favourite he became. like they really gave bro an entire arc of suffering with no resolution other than him saving sarah then just killed him??

i feel so upset today idek what to do with myself, i can no longer enjoy any of my jj content without feeling so heartbroken. at least if they’d just had him leave or given him some form of resolution before his death the whole series wouldn’t feel so tainted… sorry for this insanely long ramble i just needed to offload this somewhere. thank god for people like you working harder than these god damn writers to produce actual good plots 😭💗

Never be sorry! We're all upset! I haven't seen any post or response defending the season, like I do really think everyone hated the ending and hated the way it went down. I've seen a lot about just wishing it had gone down different, not that he didn't die, but that it was for an actual reason. Which is a complaint I have about a lot of actual books. I'm not upset someone died, I'm just upset that it always feels pointless and makes the story feel like it should never have happened.

I was also lulled into the false sense of security with season five. I thought for sure it was because Rudy wanted to leave and they decided to give it a proper ending and not doing anything drastic with his character. Oh how I was wrong. My hope is that Rafe and Sofia are able to work through things in season five, and that they can get to a better place, because I do think they really love each other, and I do think they still do. But I guess we'll see if they force Kiara and Rafe together or not...

You can very much tell that there is a lot of tension between JJ and Kiara because there's a lot of tension between the actors. It was not hidden well at all, they barely interact with one another and if you haven't watched Season three or the first part of season four, you would never know they were supposed to be in love. If anything, it looked like they hated each other.

JJ's entire death scene and the scenes following were just piss poor. Everything about it was bad, and I think it's because everyone knew that this was going to be bad. Everyone knew this would end the show. They're literally watching and filming the end of this series and these stories and they couldn't do anything to make it better. I think it feels and looks so bad, because they felt the same way we do about it.

I'm upset too, it's been a trash week and it feels like the one thing we were looking forward to made it so much worse. It's ok to be upset, and it's ok to not want to see or read anything to do with the Pogues right now. Totally understandable. I felt the same way right after, like do I want to take a break from Audrey and JJ for a while? But I decided that JJ's still alive as long as we write him, as long as we love him, and I think we all deserve that.

[limayde]

Beat the water trial, but not without some losses along the way.

Carmilla the Lunala died like 5 minutes after I made the last post fghjklkj, to a flying Krookidile.

Sly the Servine flew too close to the sun after so many clutch moments. Finally got taken out by a Mega Absol with Iceburn.

Chimichanga the Scolipede (named by Jt) died fighting Dexio. I don't remember what killed her fghjklkj

Regirock the Dragon type Registeel (named by Henry) got killed by just the meanest Torterra I've ever seen.

Orb the Skiploom (named by Henry) stuck around for a bit! I found a store that sold Ability Capsules and she got fucking Parental Bond???? I got too eager upon seeing that and she died almost immediately after.

Fruit Salad the Cottonee had been around since Hau'oli city, got killed by a Scizor with Horn Drill right after I finished the water trial.

Current team!

Hotaru is still a beast. Just changed her ability to Adaptability to make Sunsteel Strike even more of a nuke than it was before.

Storm outspeeds basically everything. He almost never struggles and I can always rely on him. Really hoping to hold onto him since he's been with me the longest ever since I lost Sly.

Missile's still great. I mean. They're a Mega. Of course they are.

Pudding (named by Jt) has Primordial Sea, and even though she isn't weak to Fire, it's still come in handy quite a bit! Also for some reason when I do a Z move with Seed Flare it turns into a Steel type attack. Very strange! But not unwelcome.

Jeanne (named by Rachel) is a delicate flower. On one hand she has Wonder Guard, but on the other she has so, so many weaknesses. She can't take a hit from anything or she'll probably die! Learned that the hard way and now my only Focus Sash is gone. She has a Chople Berry for now until I find another one. She also has Spore and Nightmare which is funny.

Grooss (pronounced Gross) (named by Toast) is fairly new. Caught 'em early on but hadn't bad the chance to use them 'til now. Gave her the Black Sludge and that's been neat!

[blood-mocha-latte]

so i mentioned this in a post like yesterday and immediately have decided on previewing this monster of a fic about a ship and fandom i have never brought up on this blog before! but, as mentioned again in a previous post, i locked myself out of that blog so...

it seems we are previewing it here!

literally just a vietnam war harringrove au, because i never write anything easy (so the rumor has it), so enjoy this hot mess!

-------

Steve's been in Vietnam for a little less than five months, and yet the one thing he's certain of about the country is that it is, without a doubt, fucking hot.

His shirt is long gone, probably somewhere in the bottom of his duffle. He'd finally shed his boots after a fierce internal debate about permanent sand in the liners of the jungle boots versus jungle rot, the sun-heated sand like fire ants against his now-bare feet.

They've been off the front line for a little less than four days, all four of which, for some reason, Steve has been obligated to spend on the beach from sunrise to sundown.

Jonathan Byers is sitting a few paces away from him, also fine with just sitting on the sand banks instead of going into the tumultuous ocean, bent over and fiddling with the shoelaces of his own jungle boots.

"Get any good shots?" Steve asks, awkward, having to shout slightly over the sound of the crashing waves and the rest of the shouting unit.

Jonathan looks up quickly, eyes wary, before blinking and turning to drift his hand over the camera case laying in the sand next to him.

"Nah," He says, pressing his lips together in an awkward approximation of a smile before dropping his eyes back down to his boots. "I've gotten photos of the previous three days, and publication doesn't want too many of everyone..." He trails off, lifting a hand from the laces to wave it around vaguely. "They don't want everyone thinking that the guys over here are slacking off."

Steve just nods, turning to look back out at the shore.

He has to pause and think about that for a minute or two. Steve doesn't really think that this is slacking off - according to Hop, the army's been pretty short on men, and they'd been on the front line for a little over three weeks rather than the usual eight days.

Four days of boogie-boarding and beach dwelling seems like more of a reward than slacking off, but, well, Steve isn't smart. He's sure there's things going on behind the scenes that he doesn't know about or wouldn't understand.

While he's staring out where the distant shapes of the rest of his unit are splashing around in the shore, Jonathan moves from fiddling with his boots to fiddling with his camera case, flipping the leather flap of the thing back and forth.

Steve likes Jonathan, he had decided, early on when the other had joined the group. Granted, Steve's only met three embedded journalists, but Jonathan had stuck out the longest, going on three weeks of his apparent seven.

He's lasted the longest, anyway, of the three, and he's quiet, so Steve doesn't think he could be all bad.

"You're not ever gonna go out there?" Jonathan asks him abruptly, and Steve turns again to look at him. "I mean, last day here, might as well..." He trails off again, and Steve hums.

"Nah," He says, and thinks about his parents' swimming pool. "I - have a thing with water. Rice paddy's are bad enough, I'm okay not dealing with the ocean."

Jonathan just nods, and Steve turns his attention back to the shore, where a new wave of hollering has been started up by the guys. Steve only catches the tail end of it, but he sees Tommy Hagan shove a cackling Billy Hargrove into a sandbank.

Billy Hargrove.

Steve doesn't know what he thinks of Billy Hargrove.

To be fair, Steve doesn't often think, but his point still stands.

Hargrove is... something else, Steve thinks, because that's what his mother would tell him about guys like Billy Hargrove.

Ellen's kid got put in the slammer again, stole a pack of Juicy Fruit from the corner shop. That boy is something else.

Steve doesn't really believe that Hargrove is really... bad, per se. He watches out for the other guys, they watch out for him. But... he seems to take a sort of joy in being in Vietnam that Steve doesn't really see.

Steve doesn't think it's dangerous, but he thinks it's... unique.

But again, Steve doesn't often think. Maybe he's rusty at it.

Billy Hargrove has pushed himself off of the bank and has turned his back to the ocean, waving his hand at the boos of the rest of the guys, and is walking towards Steve as Steve works on thinking.

Jonathan notices him before Steve does, but doesn't bother doing much else other than pull his boots closer to him before dropping his attention back to the camera case.

"Got a fag?" Hargrove shouts at Steve as he gets closer, and Steve just blinks at him.

"Huh?" He asks, trying to find a reason that Billy would drag himself out of the ocean, seeing that Steve's at least eighty percent certain that Hargrove lives off of sea water.

"A fag," Hargrove repeats, making an aborted gesture of bringing two fingers up to his lips. "You know, cancer sticks? You ain't goin' out in the water, pretty boy, you've got no reason not to have a pack on you."

"Oh," Steve says, and then has to try and remember where in the hell his cigarettes are. "I think they're back at the reserve trench. Kept getting sand in the pack."

There's sand everywhere, all the time, even when it's pouring buckets and they're squatting in the middle of a rice paddy, because apparently sand is just a permanent part of Steve's life now. He's pretty sure that if he shook like a dog that he'd bear an uncanny resemblance to Pigpen from The Peanuts.

"Well, shit. Why'd I come over here, then?" Billy says, then drops into the sand next to Steve anyways.

Steve says, "I dunno." And leaves it at that.

Billy's been with them for about three months, eighteen clusters of tally marks carved messily into the inside of his helmet, not that he's wearing it now.

((Hagan had told Steve that Billy hadn't cut his hair all through basic and that it had been down to his shoulders, and the reason that Hargrove has that small crescent scar that follows the curve of his jaw is because right before he was deployed one of the drill sergeants held him down and cut it with a butcher knife, and that Billy had bit him.

Tommy had stories like that for everyone in the unit, liked to make it sound like everyone was some big badass from one of those old flicks about the second big one, but Steve thinks that that's all they are: stories.

Tommy tells everyone else a story about Steve where the reason that Steve's over here is because he told his old man that he'd rather fight the Viet Cong with just a stiletto knife than buy his way out of the draft, and that certainly isn't true, so Steve doesn't think the story about Hargrove is.

But Steve also wouldn't believe Tommy Hagan if the guy said that squirrel shit has nuts in it, so he supposes anything is possible.))

Roughly ninety tally marks in Hargrove's helmet, and Steve still feels like he's the newest member.

In reality, he'd been the newest one for Steve, who had only stopped being the green one once Hargrove came along.

All this to say, Steve still has no idea of what to do with Billy Hargrove.

So he just goes back to staring at the shore and practises thinking.

Except for now his concentration is shot to shit, because where Jonathan Byers sort of becomes camouflaged into the background of whatever he's doing at the moment, Billy Hargrove stands out like Day-Glo, and makes Steve just as dizzy.

(Steve thinks, absently, that Billy Hargrove could be a perfect poster boy for the army. He could even see a Hawkins High School newspaper headline for him if he thinks hard enough about it: Groovy new army brat gets to lovin' and killin' in the 'Nam, more on page six.)

“I don’t blame you for not going out into the ocean, Harrington,” Billy says, when no one’s said anything for a few minutes. When Steve glances over out of the corner of his eye, he can no longer see Jonathan and feels a spike of envy. For some reason, he can never escape anything as easily.

“That so?” Steve prompts slowly, when Hargrove doesn’t elaborate. He probably shouldn’t play into Billy’s palm, knows he doesn’t say anything kind for free and hardly ever charges anything, but, well.

He left his cigarettes at the reserve trench, he supposes this is the next best thing.

“That’s so.” Billy repeats him, eyes still on the shoreline. “You need to be sturdy in water, otherwise it’ll pull you under. You never plant your feet, you’d be swept away.”

Steve can’t help but laugh at that. He says, “I’d say I’m pretty sturdy with an M1,” because it’s true. He’s a damn good shot, one of the best in the unit, and being sturdy with a weapon seems more important than being sturdy in the sea.

Billy just hums. “I could be sturdier than you, if I wanted,” He says, and Steve glances at him again. Hargrove still hasn’t looked at him, sharp eyes in vivid contrast to where he sits, lithe and relaxed, on a beach in South Vietnam.

“Do you think so?” Steve asks him, because he’s actually curious. Hargrove is fast, sure, but he sure as hell doesn’t have the accuracy that some of the others in the unit have, people like Steve and Jason Carver.

Billy finally turns to look at him, flashes him a smile that seems more like baring his teeth than genuine happiness. “I never stop thinking,” He tells Steve.

Then why are you here? Steve wonders, but doesn’t say. He supposes it’s not any of his business.

“Then why aren’t you?” Steve asks, instead. “Sturdier, I mean.”

Billy shrugs. “I’d rather be precarious.” He says easily, and settles further into the sand.

Steve envies Billy Hargrove at times, on top of being unsure of what to know of him. To be so certain and so stable that you can afford to be capricious. It’s something he’s unaware of, but seems to be the whole of Hargrove.

“What are you doing all the way over here, anyways?” Billy asks, when it’s been a few more seconds of silence. “You could have come closer to the shore, you know, it won’t bite you.”

You’re all the way over here, too. Steve thinks and doesn’t say. “I have no doubt you or Hagan or Carver or someone else would drag me out into the waves.” He tells Billy instead, because it’s true. “Also, the shore moves.”

Hargrove snorts. “The shore doesn’t move, the tide comes in.” He corrects, and Steve doesn’t interject, although the two seem the same to him. “And not everyone would try to drag you into the water.” He pauses, as if thinking. “Patrick probably wouldn’t.”

“Patrick’s an outlier and shouldn’t be counted,” Steve tells him, because it’s true. Patrick McKinney has to be one of the nicest people that Steve’s ever met; although granted, Steve hasn’t met a lot of nice people. “‘Sides, it doesn’t matter much because I’m not going down there. The lot of you sure as hell aren’t flower children, I wouldn’t trust you with a grenade.”

He’s probably not using that phrase right, because he actually does trust everyone in this rag-tag bunch with a grenade, and has on multiple occasions, but, well. His point stands.

Billy thumbs at his nose and shrugs. “Yeah, well, you ain’t a dove, either.” He retorts dryly, and kicks out his leg to spray sand in Steve’s direction.

“Never said I was,” Steve says evenly, and as he tries to brush the sand out of his hair and wonders if he’d be able to get it out of the waistband of his khakis, he really, really wishes he’d just brought his damn smokes.

[chiimeramanticore]

Part of the Band - Chapter 8 - Up Late

Chapter summary: Beach Bear and Dook stay up late together. A/N:

hello! how are you doing? I hope things are going well for you :] fun note about this chapter! with its posting this will become my longest fanfic I've ever written (to AO3 at least, but I'm certain I've probably beat out my old Wattpad fics too lmao). my former longest fic is called after the end, a steam powered giraffe fanfic that's still up on here if for some reason you want to read it lmao. it sits unfinished at 12k words and 7 chapters. this chapter will put potb at 13k words and 8 chapters! after the end is like... 10 years old at this point and is a v nostalgic fic for me, even if I don't think it's that good anymore. it's bittersweet to surpass it! thank y'all for reading so far :] hope you enjoy this chapter! OH ALSO tw for a brief transphobia reference in this chapter! sorry lol

Chapter word count: 2,068 <- Chapter 7 - Chapter 9 -> Read it on AO3!

The drive home is long and silent. Dook curses himself for not saying anything– maybe he could've helped lighten the mood. But the atmosphere in the car was so oppressive... it felt like even if he did try to say something, the air would've swallowed his words before they even escaped his mouth.

They arrive home, and the few feet walking from the car inside is equally oppressive. Dook is certain this is going to hang over them for the rest of the day. He's prepared to find an excuse to go out for a while just to get away from it.

Beach Bear puts his keys down. "...Hey, y'know what?"

"What?"

"What always gets me cheered up," he says. "We should write a song."

Dook isn't sure what to say.

"Yeah," Beach Bear continues. "Yeah, c'mon. Let's not let this ruin the whole day, right? We'll sit down and come up with something real good, and we can order takeout for dinner, and we can turn this day around. That sound good?"

"Uh..." He's still staggered from the sudden turnaround. "S- sure. Why not?"

"Great," Beach Bear says. "I'll grab my guitar. You grab some paper." He bounds off toward the car, leaving Dook to find some paper.

Beach Bear returns within a few minutes, and the two sit down at the couch together. It's just about as much as Beach Bear had promised... but maybe not as fruitful as he had hoped. They struggle to come up with anything particularly catchy. But despite Dook's protests that "maybe this isn't working out," Beach Bear insists it'll come to them if they just keep at it a little longer.

Eventually, night falls, and the two have still yet to come up with anything good. Dook is drained of his energy, and at this point resorts mostly to just watching Beach Bear figuratively throw spaghetti at the wall. It takes a while of this before Beach notices Dook's sorta clocked out. Finally, he slows down for him.

"...Uh, hey," he says. "If you're getting tired, you don't have to wait up for me. I don't mind if you go to bed."

"You're in my bed," Dook says, gesturing at the couch he's been sitting on for hours.

"Right. Use my bed, then," he says. "I'll be up for a while longer. I can sleep here tonight."

The idea of sleeping in Beach Bear's bed is... It feels so personal. Even if he's not there with him. It reminds Dook of that night he slept in his car. It was nice, sure, but he still can't think of that night without a twinge of guilt.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Yeah, sure," Beach Bear insists. "Go on ahead."

"...Okay," Dook says. If he says he's sure, he's not going to fight him for the couch.

Despite having lived here for a few months now, Dook has never really been in Beach Bear's room. Maybe a few times for a minute or less... but he's never gone much past the threshold. And he's certainly never stayed here overnight. It almost feels like an invasion of privacy to get into his bed.

The pillows are soft, the mattress even softer. The blanket is thin, cool. Beach Bear's room is painted a pale reddish-pimk color, the walls strewn with posters and flyers and other memorabilia. From the bed, the door sits across from him in the center of the wall. The wall to the left is a sliding door to a closet. A desk sits adjacent, cluttered with papers, clothing, and projects long-forgotten. To the right, a large window with a thin curtain pulled down over it. Next to the bed, a nightstand with a lamp and a mostly-empty glass of water.

Dook sinks down under the covers, silent, as if careful not to disturb the very air in the room. It's heavy, but not as uncomfortable as it was in the car. It weighs on him like a thick blanket. He thinks of Beach Bear and all the nights he's spent in this room... A bedroom is such a casually personal thing, isn't it? A perfect representation of a person, yet one never seems to notice it. Not until you're in someone else's room alone and the walls themselves seem to contain the ghost of them.

It must take some great level of trust to let someone sleep in your bed, Dook thinks idly. If he'd had his own bed, would he let Beach Bear sleep in it? If he had his own room at all...

·–—–·

Dook wakes up hot and uncomfortable. He's sweaty, having twisted the blanket uncomfortably around him in his sleep. He sighs, sitting up. Maybe a drink of water will help.

He steps out of bed and is about to leave the room when he hears something odd. Is that... crying? Is Beach Bear crying?

He considers ignoring it and just going back to bed, leaving him be. But despite it, he opens the door, if more careful than before.

"...Beach Bear?" He calls.

"Ah–" He hears shuffling from the couch. "Yeah? What's up?"

Dook approaches more now, the couch visible. Beach Bear has turned to face him, resting an elbow casually on the top of the couch, but he's failed to fix himself up well enough. It's obvious he's been crying.

"Are you alright?" Dook asks.

"Y- yeah, man," he says, then sniffs. "I'm fine, I was just–" He turns back to the music sheets scattered around the area. "I was just finishing up. Might turn in soon."

"Anything good?" Dook asks, skeptical.

Beach Bear pauses. "...No," he admits.

"Maybe it'll be easier when you aren't so tired," Dook suggests.

"No, it's–" Beach Bear sniffs again, beginning to sound more tense now. "It's not about that. It's..." He trails off.

"...Do you wanna talk about it?" Dook says.

"...Yeah," Beach Bear says finally. He moves over on the couch to give Dook room to sit, and he joins him.

Beach Bear stares down at the mess of papers he's made. "It's not just about the music, obviously," he begins. "It's not even just about Mini. She's just... I guess she sent me over the edge.

"I told you we were in a band before, me and her. It wasn't... just a band. We all came from pretty scrappy or seedy backgrounds. We all needed someone. So we basically spent all our time together. But a bunch of troubled people are just bound to get into more trouble. And when you get people like Queenie... she takes over easily. She likes telling people what to do. And when you're like me... you listen. Because you don't have anyone else.

"I let her use me for anything she wanted. I let her berate me over and over, because I thought one day I'd finally get it right and she'd praise me for once. But she never did. No one did. Near the end, basically all we did was fight. We'd hang out in this garage, some abandoned house no one was using, and we were supposed to be practicing, but all we ever did was just... argue with each other.

"And one night, it came to a head. The place got burnt down. We scattered to avoid the cops, and I just... haven't seen any of them since. Except Mini. She stuck her fangs in me."

Dook isn't sure what to say. He finds himself staring idly at the papers, too. "Her parents are..." he says. "I didn't know."

"I know," Beach Bear replies. "She told me a long time ago. It was an accident. I don't know the specifics. Since then, she's had to handle Mitzi on her own. She's been stressed, and... I've tried not to blame her for her behavior, but..."

"It wasn't an excuse for how she treated you," Dook says.

"It's not an excuse for how she treats anyone," Beach Bear says.

"...What about Mitzi?"

"What about her?"

"Is she... safe? With Queenie?"

"I don't think she'd hurt her, if that what you mean," Beach Bear says. "But that girl deserves better." He sighs. "I'm sorry you had to see me so angry."

"It's okay," Dook says.

"It just... came to a head again, I guess." Beach Bear leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. "And now that we're out a singer, and... and I can't even write a half-decent song..."

"It'll come to you," Dook offers.

"Maybe," Beach Bear says, upset. "I just– I really need this to work. I need this to work so bad..."

He huffs, somewhere between a sigh and a sob, burying his face in his hands. Dook reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"...I need the money, Dook," Beach Bear mutters.

"...What?"

"I need this to work, I need this band to work," he says. "I'm gonna be out of money soon if it doesn't work..."

"I... I didn't know you..." Dook trails off. His hand falters a little, sliding down a bit towards his back.

Beach Bear straightens just a little. "I... don't know how to tell you this," he says. "My family and I, we... aren't on the best terms. We aren't exactly speaking.

"I wasn't..." He pauses. "I wasn't born a boy, Dook. I'm happier like this, but... my family doesn't get it. They don't like that I'm happier now, I guess. I don't need them. I'm not gonna go crawling back to them. But they... wouldn't support me, even if I did."

Dook is silent. His hand falls from Beach Bear's back.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," Beach Bear says.

"...It's okay," Dook says. "This... that doesn't change anything, you know. That doesn't make me not wanna be your friend anymore. And it's not something you owed me, neither. I'm glad you told me."

Beach Bear says nothing, but lets out a small, shaky sigh. A silent tear falls from his eye.

" 'Sides, I... think I understand you. A little, at least," Dook continues. "I'm not talking with my family right now either.

"See, I, uh..." He leans back against the couch. "I come from a real big family, right? And a lot of us are musicians. Successful ones, at that. I always wanted to follow in their footsteps. I wanted to prove I was somethin'. But I'm... the runt of the litter, I guess. I'm not so strong... definitely not so smart. My family doesn't think I can't– I can't do nothin'. They gave up on me before I even got a chance to– to show 'em I could be worth something at all.

"They love me, sure. But they never took me seriously, neither. So one day, I... I walked out. Told 'em I wouldn't come back until I made somethin' of myself.

"And then I..." And then he failed a few dozen times, sending him into a depressive alcoholic spiral... putting him at rock bottom. Broke, drunk, unhappy, and with no faith in himself at all. And that's how Beach Bear found him.

"...I... fell on hard times," he says finally. "It didn't work out."

"...Dook, do you think the Rock-afire has a future?" Beach Bear asks.

"Oh, sure," Dook starts.

"Be honest," Beach Bear says. "You just said you couldn't get it to work on your own."

Dook pauses. "I... I know it's rough now, Beach Bear," he says. We're out a singer, and you're struggling to write, and... and I don't have too much faith in myself. Not on my own. But... I'm not on my own. I got you. And I got Billy Bob, and Looney Bird, and Fatz. Both of us do. Hell, maybe we still got Mitzi, too. I dunno if any of us could do it on our own, but... But together... I think we got somethin'. Really."

Beach Bear hasn't moved. He doesn't react at first to what Dook says. Then, a sigh through his nose, and he closes his eyes.

"You're right," he says. "You're right."

Dook smiles. He leans forward to meet him, his hands resting near the edge of the cushion.

"We're gonna make something out of ourselves," he says.

Beach Bear's left hand moves to touch Dook's right, a set of fingers laid just over the other. Dook doesn't pull away.

"Yeah," Beach Bear agrees. "It's just a matter of time."