#also in the process of escaping a very…bad living situation

[smalltownduck]

tw discussions of su1cide and death ideation

Sometimes I think about this post and others that shed light on Vecna's (albeit twisted) compassion for struggling living beings, particularly the four victims of '86. Obviously he had something to gain from those murders (compared to the 79 massacre, on top!), but 1) it has never been explained why and how exactly those killings created so much energy to open gates and 2) in a not too similar parallel to those animals caught in traps and eventually killed around the Creel house (put a pin on whether you think Henry, One and Vecna -hell, or even show Henry and TFS Henry- are one and the same or if you subscribe to the Edward/Henry theory), perhaps the whole 'prey on the weak' wasn't necessarily 100% malicious, but rather (in Vecna's mind) a "merciful" act.

Aligning to the "vecna's curse was a sui allegory", he might have thought that each of the '86 victims were hopeless in regards to their living situations AND their inner strength/coping mechanisms to deal with them and their own futures. In fact, that might have probably been the only reason why he could create a psyonic connection with them in the first place. For example, even if Chrissy's or Patrick's parents, "the ones" (obvs not the only) that were causing them pain, were removed from the equation, their impact and presence would still remain in everyday life and haunt their children forever. They didn't really have anybody (seems like therapy wasn't working either, or they might not have commited to that process by openning up) to rely on, and they weren't in a place to willingly look for companionship at all.

The sad reality is that sometimes, even in a supernatural universe, it's impossible to make trauma and triggers dissapear for good and begin anew with a clean slate. For instance, it wouldn't be enough to undo Billy's death for Max to heal, but also undo his previous abuse of her, her mother not protecting her, her dad emotionally abandonning her, Billy's own abuse by Neil, and so on, or stopping Fred from running off after the accident, the accident in the first place, him having done anything prior to prevent him losing control of the vehicle in the first place, etc. It's a cycle that would go on with them lacking a support system and/or not having developed have the skills to cope and seek for community and love on their own terms. I guess that, for Vecna, that was just the system (everybody around you) being rigged as usual -those four were not only dealt a bad hand, but they didn't (and would never have) have what it takes to play and come out on top. They couldn't even handle the visions, so how could they face reality?

Turns out a very powerful supernatural being is as capable of rewriting the past (or at least he can't yet), along with all its individual strings and webs, as us normal humans are irl. It's natural to wish that getting rid of those things, those people who seem like the biggest obstacles between someone and a fullfilling life would fix everything, but there are too many variables at play; it takes changing too many minds for real and for good. Perhaps Vecna, underestimating/ignoring the power of a support system and willpower (hence why only Max escaped the first time and continues to cling to life -because, unlike the others, she had a chance and the support to realize that she did want to live and that there was a way out of the darkness), thought that the four couldn't make it on their own into the future anyway. They were weak, isolated by their own doing, too broken, and in so much pain to go on -it was pointless and more cruel for them to continue to exist. Like the trapped and wounded animals in the Creel house, he "facilitated" the ending of their suffering and thought that at least the could do something "worthwhile" by dying at his hands to make him more poweful.

or maybe he thinks that far too many people are lazy cowards for not putting time and care into committing to make systemic changes nor break the cycle of abuse so he doesn't have any faith in anybody and they were easy targets idk

sorry this derailed so far away from will's vanishing. all i can say is that i, too, don't believe in that the "main villian" of ST is 100% evil. that'd reductive and scapegoat-ish to the ideas that began it all: forced comformity, perpetuating cycles of abuse and systems that fail everybody.

Deducing what may have actually happened to Will Byers on Nov 6, 1983 using evidence from the show.

Trigger warning: M*rder, s*icide.

part 2. part 3.

Before I begin, I just want to remind everyone that this show has many layers to it. What I mean is, if you watch carefully, a piece of dialogue can actually mean two (or more) things. The dialogue can be meaningful for the specific scene (surface level) and it can be a sneaky way to foreshadow something else entirely (subtext).

From this specific moment, we can assume that moving forward: any and all mentions of JFK’s assassination will actually be about Will’s disappearance (subtext).

So when the writers gifted us with these mentions, they are actually referring to the conspiracy surrounding Will’s disappearance. So let’s investigate, shall we?

Here’s the briefest overview of the JFK assassination: Oswald was convicted of assassinating JFK. Oswald denied his involvement stating that he was “a patsy”. Many conspiracy theories believe that Johnson was actually the one responsible.

Both Mrs. Driscoll and Dustin do not believe that Oswald assassinated JFK. Mrs. Driscoll is an outcast; she’s an older woman with schizophrenia. The guys who work at the newspaper are quick to dismiss her for these reasons. Now remember, this is Stranger Things, the show about outcasts being right and those fitting the norm being wrong. Then there’s our beloved Dustin, who states that “Oswald was a patsy”. Thus we can conclude: Johnson assassinated JFK, and Oswald was a patsy.

So… who if Will is JFK in this equation, who are our “Johnson” and “Oswald” counterparts?

Well right now, I assume most people believe Vecna is responsible for Will’s disappearance. He is our “bad guy”. So my guess is that he is our “Oswald”.

Who is our “Johnson”? Now remember, Johnson was someone close to JFK, he was the vice-president. He had something to gain in this. I believe Lonnie fits the bill the most for our Johnson.

So many clues surround Lonnie that tell us he was actually responsible. Plus, remember, he has something to gain from Will’s death: life insurance.

Though to be far, I am definitely not ruling out Brenner and Hawkins lab being involved in this too.

So… what happened exactly then? I’m not certain but this is my theory:

Lonnie was prepared to kill Will that night, but his plans were thwarted by our “Oswald”. Vecna swooped in and saved Will from his fate. His “come with me if you want to live” moment.

Moving further into the theory territory… here is a prediction:

- Our characters believe that the only way to defeat Vecna is to travel back in time and “stop him”.

- They travel back, stop him, then return finding out that the alternate present is much worse. By this I mean: Will was murdered, Mike ended his life by suicide, Joyce got admitted to Pennhurst Asylum, Jonathan was struggling with addiction, Lonnie got his payout, etc.

- Thus realizing that “killing” Vecna is and never was the solution here.

Now you may be thinking: but Vecna is 100% evil, why are you trying to redeem him? Well, the thing is, he’s not. Vecna is a villain but he’s not 100% evil. The show isn’t that simple friends. Plus, remember, nothing is exactly as it seems in this show.

[24hrsoda]

please just rant to me, about ra's (and bruce), about wade and Logan, whatever anything even non fandom, the things that come out of your brain and onto this hellsite are just always so interesting and I love hearing the thoughts you post.

Thank you Anon you make me feel like a beautiful princess with a disorder <3

I WISH THEY DID NOT KILL RA’S OFF AAAAAAAAAAA i wish we could have seen him and bruce team up begrudgingly because both of them are trying so hard to be better for Damian and to be there for Damian (because all damian has ever wanted was his family to be together tbh and if dad and peepaw are buddies mom WILL come along too and they will finally be a Family and they will all be together)

I wanna see him be SOOOOO annoyed with Bruce’s methods sometimes but he wants to be better and he wants to prove to damian that he has changed so he plays along with Bruce’s stupid rules and methods and it forms a stupid dynamic where bruce is the ‘sunshine’ character and ra’s is the broody Old Man

Wade and Logan kinda got shoved to the back of my brain bc i’ve hopped back on the Ra’s rambling train BUT !!!! i preordered plushies of them weeks ago that should be coming soon i’m SO excited to hold them!!!

as for non fandom things uhhh. i saw 100 million year old dinosaur footprints the other day and that’s abt the only good thing i can think of to share.

[eyebulb]

Kay, I'm not done w. The whole Stolas thing.. Cus talking to antis piss me off.

Do you not realize that Stolas and Blitz have very similar issues?? That just present itself in different ways (although not entirely)

Both of them have history w. Abuse. Verbal and physical. Blitz has abandonment issues, Stolas has been isolated his entire life. They're both afraid of loneliness and not being enough.

Now.. What about some of their bad habits, hmm? Things people looove to critique.

First up: delusion and deflection

Stolas lives in a fantasy world to escape life. He makes things up in his head and therefor ends up acting to a false reality. He's scared at looking too deeply into things that aren't that great so tries to play it off w. Changing the subject, fleeing, flirting etcetc.

Blitz doesn't live in a fantasy world.. But he's an expert at deflecting. Through humor, anger or just simply ignoring things he doesn't want to hear. Blitz is also afraid of looking too close, but this also include good things lest he fucks it up. This guy is more in the "expect the worst" kinda camp. Cus he does have a version of reality that isn't quite true too. Due to all of his self-hatred among other experiences.

Boundaries..what's that?

Lots of people like to criticise Stolas on this one. His delusion leads to him flirting aggressively and uncomfortably w. Blitz and not seeing when Blitz isn't into it. He also takes Octavia to a place she didn't wanna go despite her saying so, he also talks a little too freely to Blitz in front of her.. (demeaning speech is also included in his uncomfortable flirting)

Blitz.. Is notorious for boundary breaking. He stalks M&M constantly despite them telling him no repeatedly. He also stands in the way of Loona as a protective father which makes her lash out cus she's an adult. (totally get him but still crossing a boundary). He pry into their sex life and does a little bit of inappropriate touching on Moxxie (in a joking manner ofc.. I thought it was hilarious.. But still a boundary). He stalks his sister despite everyone telling him not to. He makes fun of and comes back to scream at a broken hearted Stolas who thought it was over and done after the full moon. (if you wanna try to keep the bird don't make fun of his feelings and break into his home my dude). Not to mention breaking and entering to steal a very valuable book in the first place.

They both have their own reasons for doing this but still.. They're both doing this.

Blames themselves.

Both Stolas and Blitz are very much in the "I'm a piece of shit" camp. As in.. They think very lowly of themselves.

Stolas sings about missing signals, not being enough, being a monster, doing the wrong thing, on several different occasions. He is anxious and insecure in social situations and he tries to hide when he doesn't feel welcome. He has stood up for himself twice but it's rare.

Blitz is self-hatred galore! Which makes him push people away before they can get too close to him lest they see the real him and oh how much worse it would hurt to be rejected then. He made one big mistake that everyone ended up blaming him for and he leans into the role of shitty as much as he can. So he acts out if threatened by treating people around him badly and hurting himself in the process.

They are both their own worst enemy.

Both have fear of loneliness.. However this is a little different.

Stolas has always been lonely... He holds hope of genuine connections and tries desperately to hold on if he finds someone. He is hopefull and falls hard but he doesn't want to force people to stay if they don't want to.

Blitz hasn't always been alone but has been lonely for a longass time. He fears being abandoned since he was pushed away as a child and lost everyone he cared about in one big accident. Blitz also craves genuine connection and hopes for it but is scared of it cus he's lost it before. He wants to get close but not too close.. Except he does want to be too close too. Actually he's quite clingy. But being clingy is scary sooo let's keep our distance.

They both are kinda clingy honestly. Both want to love and be loved. Both are family people. Both are desperate and keep making dumb choices because of it.

There are definitely things that are very different too. Which is a reason to why they don't understand each other yet. But they're starting to.

And I've probably missed things but these are a few similarities in the way they act that makes me wonder why they aren't judged equally..

[meanbossart]

Idk if you’ve answered a question like this previously, but I’ve always been fascinated by the dynamics between characters that are like, romantically involved and near-physically infallible, and have their identities tied into that. So this is to say— how is DU!drow and Astarions dynamic affected when one is hurt badly, like needing time to recover? Or just out-of-commission in some way? Are they patient with each other, or is this a sort of disaster scenario where they just have to wait for things to blow over in order to become normal again, since du!drow is so tied into his physical capabilities, and Astarion his appearance?

Idk if this question makes sense but basically: are they nice to each other if one isn’t at their best/not feeling great? Are they introspective enough to manage their (relative) mortality constructively or would this be very bad for them?

Hm, there's a lot of minutiae about this that I don't think I can satisfyingly cover. In summary - they realistically both know each other to not be infallible, and while depending on the circumstances some mild guilt-tripping could occur, they wouldn't put each other's lives at risk if a situation became life-threatening.

(Some post-scriptural editing here: keep in mind the context of these guy's lives. They are seedy adventurers and no strangers to risk, danger and combat - you can safely assume that none of what I'm about to say applies to the types of injuries they must sustain on a weekly basis due to their lifestyle. They are used to seeing each other get mildly hurt and not making a fuss about it.)

DU drow essentially already views Astarion as disabled and/or sick because of his vampirism. While he knows that he can handle himself in battle, the moment that something takes Astarion down his world stops and his only preoccupation proceeds to be ensuring his safety and health - he's much more likely to be a overbearing caretaker than a negligent one. Ironically, the fact that Astarion's vampirism gives him regenerative powers is a huge blessing here, otherwise this would probably be a much bigger issue between them than it currently is.

And yet, the negative consequences of his vampirism are what begin to jump out to him post-game. The blood-hunger, the aversion to running bodies of water, the constant concern and restrictions imposed by the day-cycle, etc. In his mind, these are things that make Astarion require a caretaker: himself.

Astarion functions the other way around. It would take a truly dramatic event or grand gesture out of DU drow for him to assume an injury or occurrence has disabled him in a significant way, physically or psychologically - which makes sense, because DU drow would have to be deeply shaken by something to actually allow others to see it. He has observed how DU drow's gall has gotten them through sticky situations again and again, and is definitely at fault for always assuming that he will ultimately be fine no matter what, and not taking some signs as seriously as he should. That said, if bad came to worse, Astarion would definitely be able to quickly change his tune and adapt into a caretaking role, he'd just have to be shocked into it first.

However, Astarion is also a lot more adept at dealing with DU drow's weird hangups. He's a lot more likely to express his concern with the "required" level of aloofness so DU drow's pride isn't hurt in the process.

Interestingly enough, when you stop to think about it these are narratives that they very much built for themselves, and will likely have to undo throughout the decades to come. Astarion carefully manicures a version of his victimization to earn your sympathy, manipulate you, and ultimately use your help to escape his enslavement - while he is much more than that, that is the base of what he was selling from the start and an impression that DU drow can't easily forget. Meanwhile, DU drow obviously wants to be seen as borderline indestructible and willfully dismisses - if not outright discourages or reprehends - any show of concern that might call that status into question. In other words: fools played themselves.

[jedi-hawkins]

"Strap in, kid. You're not gonna want to miss this view." - Sgt. Hunter

I've seen a few others make a tribute post for the batch and I felt some words pulling at my chest.

I was a latecomer to the fandom, I binged season 1 & 2 in July of last year and it's been a wild ride since. I've laughed and cried and everything in between. It's hard to even articulate what this show means to me.

I began my Star Wars journey like many others, with the original trilogy at some point in childhood (you could consider me a zillenial). I liked them, but I was much more of a Harry Potter nerd at the time, my head was at Hogwarts. The prequels, however captured my heart. I don't remember when I first watched TCW, but it's very clear my heart belongs to the times of the Republic.

Like things often do, other fandoms have faded out of my peak interests, Harry Potter, Hunger Games and Maximum Ride to name a few, but any time I've come back to Star Wars, it feels like coming home. A galaxy far far away so vast and full of hope and love and grief and sorrow.

The last year has been far from easy. For the last few years, that feels like all we've been saying, huh? But in all seriousness, I really did loose myself in the past year, but oddly enough, Star Wars was a constant for me, it was an escape. I joined tumblr right after I binged season 1 & 2 of The Bad Batch and immediately fell in love with the wonderful world of fans and writers and artists here.

At first, I was a lurker, just a name that popped into the reblogs, but I began interacting more and more. I've brushed on this with a couple people (so sorry for repeating myself), but it was actually through reading fanfiction, that I came to terms with the fact that I needed to leave a 2.5 year relationship. It's not that I 'fell out of love' with them or anything, I just realized I didn't trust them as much as I should, I didn't want to share as much as I should, I wasn't being fulfilled in the ways I needed. And for that, fanfic authors, I thank you. Please never stop creating.

I also learned a lot about myself, get ready cause I'm about to get cheesy.

Hunter, you brought me a lot of comfort. I saw how heavy the wellbeing of your squad weighed on your shoulders. How you sacrificed and starved yourself, mentally and emotionally for their safety and benefit. I've lived that more times than I can count and with you, I didn't feel quite as alone in that experience. Even though we never talked, and we never will, I feel like you saw me. Crosshair, you healed some of my faith in humanity. That people can change, they can see the error in their ways and turn against a system they just sort of slipped into. You reminded me that healing isn't linear, and that's okay. You reminded me that courage and bravery aren't the absence of fear, but they are going and facing the mountain despite every atom in your body telling you to turn the other way. Echo, you reminded me it's okay to leave a group if your goals don't align. That it's not always an "in or out" situation. They can still be your family, people you rely on and who can rely on you even if you're not sharing bunks or meals anymore. You also reminded me that no matter how dire a situation is, or how grumpy you may be, a little humor goes a long way. Wrecker, you reminded me that people's perception does not define who you are. You can be big and gentle. you can love explosions and destruction and still be very intuitive. You can take some time to process things and still be skilled and intelligent. You reminded me to take joy in the simple things, a Lula, some Mantel mix, an ice cone. Things are always a little better with a full belly. Omega, you brought back some of my childlike innocence. You approached the galaxy with wide eyes full of wonder and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. You never lost hope. Even though you had to grow up too fast, you didn't let it break you, you still opened your heart to anyone who would see it. Tech, dear Tech. You reminded me to never dull myself or apologize for being authentically me. That my interests and skills are a good thing, no matter how niche they are. That I shouldn't be embarrassed or feel annoying for my knowledge or my eagerness to share it. You reminded me that love and humor and kindness and connection come in all shapes and sizes.

I've also made friends in this fandom at a level I wasn't even expecting to. I've made connections beyond the galaxy of Star Wars and found love and support in amazing ways. I was pulled to create more than I have in a long time, writing, drawing, hell even building my own server.

For sake of not clogging people's notifications, fighting with Tumblr's tagging bugs, and inevitably forgetting to tag someone: You all know who you are. Three M's, Havoc Marauder.

I began writing this tribute post before I watched the finale, and I'm finishing it after the finale. I'll end my ramble with this:

Dee and Michelle, thank you for bringing these characters to life over the last four years. You two really were the heart and soul of this project and your voices will forever ring true as Clone Force 99. Filoni, thank you for creating the concepts for this wonderful show that has become such a big part of so many people's lives. Brad, thank you for the immense work you've put into the show, your direction will not be forgotten. Jen, Joel, KinerBros, and Noshir (The Four Horsemen), y'all are a bunch of trolls and I hate you for it. I'm sending you my therapy bills. (I mean thank you for your work too, but you've been playing with my emotions for the past three months so forgive me if I'm a bit bitter)

It has truly been an amazing view. I don't plan on going anywhere, the fandom is just getting started, I am on the edge of my seat for all the wonderful fan creation that are yet to come.

CT-9901 ~ Sergeant Hunter ~ Havoc 1

CT-9902 ~ Tech ~ Havoc 2

CT-9903 ~ Wrecker ~ Havoc 3

CT-9904 ~ Crosshair ~ Havoc 4

ARC-1409 ~ Echo

Omega ~ Havoc 5

Clone Force 99 ~ Signing off 🫡

[whatbigotspost]

What I wish I could get people who didn’t grow up in highly controlled, abusive environments to understand is that when the very people who are forming you are really fucked up and bad, you are FULLY incapable of knowing that as a kid.

You’re not capable of “damn my dad is really not ok” or “mom is toxic” for a long time. It’s years and years of “this is life. That is my dad. That’s my mom. It’s just how it is.” It often takes PAINFUL moments of realization to get to even questioning if your life isn’t normal. In fact, in my experience, it takes many painful moments to eventually get you there. Someone at school making fun of your parents, for example. Or some outside caring adult noticing things they seem worried about w/ you. Or a particularly extreme incident of abuse that shakes you. Or reading/hearing someone recount abuse they survived and you get the sick realization it’s like a mirror for you.

When your primary caregivers are your means of survival, your brain wraps you in many many many protective layers of denial and whatever the fuck else it needs to so that you can get through it. Many folks like myself will spend more time healing ourselves as adults from our childhood than we spent in the childhood of trauma itself.

Also, let’s be real, an implication I’m making here is that a lot of folks don’t even pick at the thread of “was I abused?” because it’s too overwhelming all together. Or even “was my childhood kinda fucked up?”

Spoiler alert. If your childhood was kinda fucked up, it’s better, in the long run, to acknowledge and address that. Anyway, this is my characteristically long winded way of wanting to recommend some books on the subject that I have found deeply relatable and meaningful:

•Jeanette McCrurdy’s memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died: If you’d be up for an unflinching look at a deeply difficult childhood that includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and neglect and disordered eating in the Disney-universe, this is your read. Thinking about what McCurdy has had to overcome chills me to my core but the feelings she shares in words felt deeply relatable and I know they will help many.

•Ashley Ford’s memoir Somebody’s Daughter: I’m biased to love her because she’s a fellow Hoosier but you will love her too. Incredibly well written and deeply moving, Ford’s memoir covers her childhood with an abusive mother, a father in jail for rape, and survivorship of her own rape, as well as her place thriving now. She offers us such meaningful processing of her story. (And just writing style wise, this one is a mega fave.)

•Grace Cho’s memoir Tastes Like War: this one is a deep dive into Cho’s upbringing with a mother (who like one of my parents) has schizophrenia. I found her account of having a first hand seat to a parent’s mental health decline too relatable. The components of her story that focus on her mom’s experience of war and immigrating from Korea and the role that Korean food plays in their lives, are moving beyond words.

•Tara Westover’s memoir Educated: having been raised in a very isolated, survivalist Mormon family and tiny community in Idaho, Westover shares her personal story of a quest for escape and education. Although my family was nowhere nearly so unusual and isolated as Westover’s, I feel what she chronicles will highly resonate with anyone raised by someone who seeks to keep you away from “mainstream influences” or who is any level of survivalist.

Obviously, these are heavy reads and DO NOT check them out if you don’t feel in the right headspace. Each one moved me to tears multiple times. But if your awful/strange childhood and leaving it (them) behind makes you feel alone trust me YOU ARE NOT ALONE ❤️

I also recommend these reads for anyone who wants to see at an anecdotal level what are experiences of people raised in highly abusive environments and/or raised by parents struggling with mental illnesses and/or people raised in high control situations. Chances are you know/love someone who fits that description and you may gain helpful insights.

[becauseplot]

Anyway for entirely justifiable reasons (<-is a glutton for angst) I need Chayanne and Tallulah to be present when the hummingbirds come around or a note about the 'wise old crow' appears in their house, causing qPhil to have one of his derealization/reality-questioning episodes. I need it. I need it to happen SO bad. Because they’ve seen Phil get roughed up in a fight, they’ve seen him angry, they’ve seen him wary and even nervous, but they have NEVER seen him doubt like that.

People have already made posts talking about how the cage-for-a-cage/child-of-the-sky stuff has been particularly rough on qPhil, who relies heavily on his constant vigilance, keen senses, and hyper-awareness of his surroundings for reassurance. He's the kind of guy who walks into a room and has already charted at minimum two escape routes by the time he takes a seat, you know? He sees and processes and stores information on everything, at all times, and he uses this to act in the best interest of his and his loved ones' collective survival.

His kids see this side of him too, most significantly in the ways that he looks after them: always keeping an eye on the back of the group, never far from Tallulah, and constantly analyzing Chayanne's fighting style to give helpful critique to optimize his attacks. Chayanne and Tallulah know that everything he's ever done was to protect them. Also, he's always there to offer them advice when they're feeling lost, and even if he doesn't have all the answers they need, he gives enough reassurances and promises to put their minds at ease. Phil is confident in what he knows. In their eyes, he is strong. He is a fortress, safe and impenetrable.

You could say that about a lot of children's perceptions of their parents/guardians/mentors. The older, guiding forces in our lives always seemed strong and infallible to us as kids. That's why it was always unnerving to see them get sick, or get stressed, or cry. Observing weakness in those people felt so, so wrong because we never considered the fact that they were capable of it; it was just impossible.

So, the situation: Phil is suffering in a way that makes him question the very same reality that he was a master of not too long ago. Whenever it happens, he goes quiet, looks around, mutters to himself, breathes shakily, fidgets. He is visibly unnerved and uncertain.

If Chayanne and Tallulah are there, they're gonna notice---they're perceptive, just like him. I'd imagine they'd try to ask him if he's okay, and he'd reassure them that he's fine, and maybe that's enough the first time. But, as more incidents arise, and as time goes on, they start to see more of this out-of-nowhere uneasiness, fear, from him, which is worrying, especially because he won't tell them why.

NOW. Phil has been upfront about a lot of things with Chayanne and Tallulah in the past. For example, during the height of the code attacks, Phil told them everything he ever learned about the codes, every single new development, to ensure that his kids were well informed and prepared. He was frank about the threat on their lives because to sugar-coat anything would be doing them a disservice. It was important they knew all of the cold, hard facts, even if it took away even more of their precious childhood innocence. He values their happiness, but safety comes first. It has always come first.

But this is different. It's not cold hard facts. Phil doesn't know what to believe anymore. When the hummingbirds come around and his reality comes into question, he doesn't know what is real, what he can trust, what is fact. His senses have been compromised. Hell, he's still trying to convince himself that he's not going crazy when all evidence seems to suggest that he's losing his goddamn mind. He doesn't know what to tell his kids, so he tells them nothing.

So now here stands Chayanne and Tallulah. There is something that is scaring their dad, and he won't tell them what is, so on top of the knowledge that their unwavering father is, in fact, capable of true, genuine fear, he's suddenly keeping things from them. Their dad is keeping things from them because he is scared. And I can't imagine a realization more terrifying than that.

[devildomwriter]

One Little Thing, A Ring Part III | Mammon x Reader

.6K Words | GN Reader | CW: Angst

With Lucifer’s help, a wardrobe change, and strict instructions, Mammon had landed a decent paying gig. The only place that would hire him was the Demon Lord’s Castle and Mammon had his work cut out.

Barbatos delighted in putting Mammon to work as much as possible. He and Diavolo knew why Mammon was there and as two men who’d also competed for your heart, they were going to make Mammon work for you. It was meant to be educational but it was also for their own satisfaction as some sense of revenge.

“I still don’t understand. Why Mammon?” Diavolo asked Lucifer as they sipped on their tea and watched Mammon prune the roses from the balcony.

“___ has peculiar taste.” Lucifer complained.

“Careful Mammon, that’s our favorite bush,” Barbatos called down to him and Mammon audibly panicked and with trembling hands started carefully trimming branches down one by one.

“Must you tease him?” Lucifer asked and Barbatos grinned.

“I must, yes. ___ deserves nothing less than perfect so we must ensure that that is what they receive. If we cannot give that to them, we must make sure Mammon does.”

Diavolo nodded in agreement with his butler and paused after taking another sip. “You know…they could always be interested in polygamy. If not now then later down the road. Surely Mammon as entertaining as he can be can’t provide for them like any of us could.”

Lucifer nodded and sipped his tea. “I agree. Thanks to their magic they’ll live a very long time. We must be patient, that’s all.”

Diavolo nodded but Lucifer could notice the small shake as he set the tea down gently. Everyone reacted in their own ways to your relationship with Mammon and Diavolo did his best to bottle it up but sometimes he couldn’t help small moments of sadness or anger slipping through.

The labor intensive work he was putting Mammon through was one example. Mammon wasn’t aware of it but Diavolo intended to pay whatever the cost may be for the ring Mammon thought best for you. Diavolo wouldn’t allow you to be disappointed.

“Speaking of ___, where are they right now?” Barbatos inquired as he kept his eye trained on Mammon who was attempting to use hedge clippers.

“I believe they’re doing some kind of job with the sorcerer’s association.”

“Taking on odd jobs?” Diavolo asked, curious.

Lucifer shrugged, “they aren’t talking much about it. They’re very tired by the time they come home. Not only do they have work but then they must portal themselves into another dimension and do it all again in a few hours.”

“Mm…it’s odd they’d take on a job like that considering they can do essentially anything they wanted to,” Diavolo speculated and it stayed silent as they listened to Mammon panic as he stumbled upon a nest of Hellfire Wasps.

“Oh dear…I suppose I ought to call for the exterminator,” Barbatos sighed. “Perhaps Mammon could work.”

Lucifer’s brow furrowed. “No. Call a professional before the situation worsens.” Lucifer advised but truly he was worried Mammon would get stung to hell and as much as he was jealous right now, he wasn’t going to let Barbatos and Diavolo thrust Mammon into agonizing danger.

Diavolo knew that’s why Lucifer made the suggestion and relented for his friend’s sake. “That’s most advisable,” he nodded and Lucifer relaxed into his chair as he heard Mammon screaming and running across the yard.

Mammon was fast enough to escape but began crashing into things in the process. Lucifer glanced at Barbatos who was eying him exasperatedly.

“Send the bill later.”

Barbatos nodded, “I could deduct it from his pay.”

Lucifer waved his hand in disagreement, “just send the bill.”

Just as Lucifer began feeling bad for Mammon, Mammon scaled the wall and used Lucifer as a shield against the wasps. The wasps were instantly vaporized from Lucifer’s magic as he tore Mammon a new one for leading dangerous creatures straight to the prince.

Part I • Part II • Part IV • Part V

[agerefandom]

Caregiver!Loki and Regressor!Reader

Somewhere between headcanons and a fanfiction, written in 2022 

Content warnings: reader regresses to baby age and uses bottles: suggestion of abuse or a bad home situation that reader is escaping: reader does not give consent for Loki to help them at first, but he does anyways: anxiety attack

part of Stark Tower is set aside as subsidized housing under the Martha Charity Foundation, and you’ve been chosen to live there 

some people would be excited to live in the same building as the Avengers, but they’re twenty floors away and never pass through, so it’s a novelty that quickly wears off 

the apartment is nice, and safe, and yours, but it’s also a bit lonely 

you usually regress in the bedroom, curled up with a bottle, a stuffie, and your laptop 

one evening you’re tiny and you run out of milk! 

you reluctantly waddle to the kitchen to get more, and are very surprised to see a black cat in your living room, which freezes when it sees you 

the cat doesn’t come closer, but it lets you approach: it seems almost offended when you offer your hand to sniff, but leans into your hands when you pet its head and ears 

you spend the rest of the evening with the cat, happily babbling and learning which parts the cat doesn’t want you to touch (paws and belly are off-limits but everything else seems okay) 

eventually you fall asleep, and when you wake up the cat is gone... 

-(continued under ‘keep reading’) 

the cat returns a few days later, showing up without warning in your kitchen

it mostly visits when you’re regressing, but sometimes comes to sit on the couch while you’re watching TV 

it’s a very strange cat: aside from its mysterious comings-and-goings, it never purrs, although it seems to enjoy the pets

it also refuses to sit on your lap or eat any of the treats you bought for it, simply sitting or lying beside you and biting your hand if you stop petting it 

you simply call your new friend kitty, unsure if the cat belongs to another inhabitant 

one day, you catch it jumping and hooking the door handle to let itself out of your apartment, which assuages your secret fear that the cat was a hallucination 

-

it all comes to a head when a person from your past comes knocking on your door when you’re regressing with kitty 

you don’t know how they found you, but you curl up and wait for them to leave, but they start yelling through the door and you can’t block them out 

suddenly, your cat runs into the hallway and you hear a stranger with an accent firmly telling the person to leave now before things escalate 

it seems to work, because the banging and yelling stops, but you’re still lost and confused and where is your cat? 

you crawl into the hallway and stop, shocked: there’s a man standing in your apartment, a familiar man, you saw him on the news, isn’t he the one who was fighting the Avengers last year? 

he turns and sees you and his eyes widen: a second later, there’s a familiar cat in his place, with bright green eyes and they’re the same eyes- 

a moment later, the man is back, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a rueful smile

“that was a bit too late, wasn’t it? I don’t suppose I could convince you not to tell the Avengers?” 

-

and that’s how you learn that Loki has been sneaking out of his prison cell in Stark Tower to wander the city in feline form, and that means that your cat is actually a god and you are too tired to process this 

“there are worse enemies than the Avengers,” Loki says, when you ask why he doesn’t just escape properly

when you’ve calmed down a bit, Loki asks if he can keep visiting you, especially when you’re regressed 

the reminder that a stranger has been there for something so embarrassing has you panicking again, but Loki assures you that it’s charming, and not unusual in Asgard 

finally you give in, and Loki becomes your caregiver 

he’s still more comfortable with physical affection in his feline form, but he’ll stretch back to human to refill your bottles and fetch snacks 

sometimes he even becomes a panther, curling around you and forming a warm nest of fur for you to sleep in 

[citronverveine]

xie lian: cultivation and emotional repression -> delayed trauma reaction

cw non-descriptive talk about self-harm for the first few paragraphs (really nothing graphic, just mentions)

i was thinking about whether xie lian would self-harm or not in canonverse (he does harm himself in many ways but i was thinking of our contemporary trend of self-harming through cutting) and i thought he probably wouldn't since it probably wouldn't fit in the path he follows.

I think what reminded me of this was the funny subtitle in the new episode (S2 E01) "I can't drink too much or I'll go crazy" (something like that). the phrasing is funny so i remembered it. We tend to focus a lot on the sexual abstainance of his path, but his path is generally about avoiding vices and keeping his heart and mind still as a lake. or something. promiscuity and alcohol are forbidden, but so are other drugs, so is gambling, and i wouldn't be surprised if harming himself on purpose was forbidden too.

of course, xie lian repeatedly harms himself on purpose, quite a lot and quite deeply, but he always somewhat has an excuse, it's never simply gratuitous. there's always a reason: he stabs himself to escape the land of the tender, he almost swallows a sword when trying to catch the fetus spirit, he's hurt by eming when he jumps between lqq and hua cheng, there are probably other examples we could find, but it's never simply because he wants the pain.

so anyway. i came to the conclusion that harming himself on purpose probably counted as a not very in touch with his cultivation, and from then on wondered about his overall mental health. the thing about xie lian is that he is constantly detached from his... past slash emotions. he rationally knows things but he keeps them at a distance (there is a lot to be said about this and his relationship with hua cheng, from start to finish, but i'll keep this for another time).

I was thinking about how his cultivation most likely played a role in that. to be honest, it's not a bad thing at all, because going through the things he went through (even besides/after book 4), anyone else would have gone insane. but he didn't.

i always wondered about why exactly xie lian didn't give up on his cultivation rules while in banishment. because he wasn't cultivating anymore. he could have stopped following the rules. but he didn't. i always found that very interesting. i came up with several possible reasons, but i could add a new one to the list: maybe it was something that helped him not go insane.

he did not actively cultivate, but following the rules and doing his best to keep his spirit pure might have "helped" him repress the... well, the trauma. it's also a natural reaction, to be honest, but because xie lian cultivates, i think it's interesting to think about how it could have impacted this process.

Anyway. So to sum it up, I wondered about whether Xie Lian could self-harm or not, came with the conclusion that he couldn't and that cultivation also led to emotional repression (to keep a pure mind), and now, my final point:

What if the moment Xie Lian breaks his cultivation is also the moment he starts feeling all of his repressed emotions?

something very common in traumatized people is that they start feeling the effects of trauma or realizing the extent of their trauma once they are out of the situation. i always thought this would be the case with xie lian - once hua cheng is back, all is back to normal, he can live a happy life, and boom, the weight of everything that has ever happened to him gets in the way (and they sort it out, of course), but I never knew what would be the exact trigger, when it could start exactly.

now that i made the link between cultivation and repression, i definitely think it would be interesting to see Xie Lian break his cultivation, have sex with Hua Cheng, maybe marking the beginning of their married life, and then from then on, as he lets go gradually, he starts feeling the mental effects. I thought he could even think it was a bad idea, get worried about the effect of breaking his cultivation, wondering what is happening to him. they would research and eventually realize - maybe as Xie Lian processes it a bit more - that it's just a natural reaction.

i think that's all i wanted to say! this was quite long but i thought it was interesting. let me know your thoughts on this, whether you agree or not. disclaimer that I'm not chinese and do not know enough about chinese culture/philosophy to really know if this interpretation is really correct (mostly the talk about cultivation) (although it is undeniable that xie lian's cultivation in tgcf has EffectsTM on him) (maybe that will be for another post)

[mixupmycota]

muttering about things that bother me because tumblr forces me onto the For You timeline at least five times and day and i read so fast and subsequently keep being hit with takes that make me want to bang my head against the wall

i do not understand complaints around lack of kiss animations for lucanis in veilguard aside from wishing from the bottom of my heart that larian had not chosen in post-release content for bg3 to focus in on making a ton of extra ones

but it's like

it bothers me

when part of the goal is to write more fleshed out and real people, who react like real people do to circumstances that they are in...that includes having different personal comfort levels with different kinds of intimacy

it includes having different lines for what they consider to be a sign of commitment or interest

it includes them needing time, or space, to process how they feel about developing feelings for another person in an extremely fraught situation with no certainty of survival, and where survival is put to the test very often actually in the main plot

i have seen more than one comment about these games being "glorified dating sims" and that bothers me for a bunch of reasons but like

as a narrative dev and writer in general, my own goals in romantic works are to write *people*. Messy, complicated people. I don't think about tropes, beyond wanting to do checks to be sure I haven't wandered into bad territory. I'm not trying to hit checklists of conventions. It's more than fine to do that, but it's not what I ever particularly want to do.

that includes giving characters the ability to deny. to hold back. to be anxious, and in their own heads, and to keep things to themselves.

sometimes you need to put more effort in with people. you need to consider how they might be feeling, and give them space, and let them come to you when they are ready.

if someone just wants a quick fling, or something hot and steamy, that's fine! that's okay!!

but like

for my part i initially wondered if there might be a bug with the romance and material wasn't firing - and, maybe there is! who knows! - but i quickly realized that probably wasn't the case, and lucanis is just very reserved, very overwhelmed, and also very busy. i simply considered how he was probably feeling, and then was serene.

i understand wanting more, because like

if we love characters we want to spend more time with them, this is natural

but i think a lot of people would benefit from considering the romance from his point of view.

a man who has never been in a relationship, might never have kissed anyone or had sex to start with, but who is a living weapon. taught to use charm and style as additional weapons, but he's not very good at it. he has scripts. when things go off script, he falters. he openly says multiple times that illario is the one who is good at seduction and charm, not him.

he says that rook is his only friend other than illario. he considers himself too much of a monster to count as anyone else's, no matter how supportive others are in the lighthouse crew. he considers himself a failure for so many things. his self-esteem is absolutely terrible. the lighthouse gives him what he truly needs, and that's a quiet nook in the back of the kitchen. the main changes to his environment are in the dining room, with the increasing numbers of casks and supplies, and i'm pretty sure he's providing that. he food hoards.

he needs minimal stimulation. he often needs to be left alone, and he needs to be able to make good food. he is fresh out of a genuinely torturous environment, describes what he had to do to survive that to davrin. the level of disassociation involved was profound. he completely closed himself off from feeling things for an entire year until he got the opportunity to begin making his escape. a process not dissimilar to what cassandra describes for becoming a Seeker. except Spite sticks around.

he needed spite to survive, on multiple levels.

as far as im aware we don't know how long the plot of the game is estimated to take. at least two months is accounted for, i think. i'd put it at somewhere between six months to a year at a guess.

i think a lot about the fight against zara

how she makes us fight her naked, how she uses her sexuality as a weapon (just like illario)

and yeah like there's a whole blood bathing vampire queen aesthetic thing going on there, but it harrowed me. it made my blood run cold. he has so much hate for zara specifically, more than he does for the warden who oversaw his suffering on the day to day and whose contract is the reason he was captured.

there's a lot that isn't said. there's a lot lucanis probably would not open up about for years and years. from notes in the ossuary we can conclude that she was trying to put an envy demon in him, her method failed, and she refused to accept that and was furious about it.

there's a high possibility that lucanis knew about zara and illario and just repressed the fuck out of it. held on to every possible window for her to have been lying to him.

there are a lot of things to consider.

so no i dont mind that there isn't a kiss scene sooner. i don't mind that for this man, a show of commitment and care for him is to specifically create a meal that pairs with rook's favourite drink.

i think he's absolutely terrified from the moment he realizes this isn't just surface level flirting. he's terrified by how vulnerable rook makes him feel, after a year of not feeling anything at all.

he has one of my favourite romances in any bioware title. he reminds me in some way of the first of their characters I ever fell in love with, back in the neverwinter nights days. sometimes less is more, if you are open too it.

lucanis went through a lot of re-writes, yeah. i don't know why so many people are assuming that means his character was diluted or spoiled in some way, instead of refining and discarding things that didn't work, and distracted from his overall character arc.

having seen how people discard vast swathes of astarion's character arc, i am willing to put money on the same thing happening to lucanis had they included things like the bathing scene from concept art, or more dates.

idk i just like

i don't go into romances personally expecting to receive intimacy as a reward. i go into them because i or the character im playing care about the character a lot, and would find them appealing, and would want to get to know them better. often the only vector to do that in rpg's are through romance, and veilguard did a LOT to mitigate problems on that front and allow for emotionally intimate friendships without needing to romance a character. we have more care and detail on that front than bioware have ever given us.

MARKETING pushed the romances front and center, because that's a selling point. MARKETING also made the first trailers, and has pushed the weird parasocial angle with the actors for each character. MARKETING does not inherently reflect the actual narrative vision for the video game, and we know some of the devs were unhappy with the trailer.

so. idk.

throws hands up. im tired. i hope people calm down soon.

[skayafair]

Part 41

I finally got to listen to it!

Arthur has a lot of spite left in him sounding so pissed off screaming out Kayne's name, huh

And yet, knowing how he's not shy of swearing, all he can call John is a helpless "villain". Aw.

Oh, YOU GO JOHN! I support all your rights but more importantly your wrongs. I have no idea why John acting on his worst gives me such a kick every time but I properly enjoy and wholeheartedly support it ^_^

Also I liked the echo on "I'm trapped!". Reminded me of previous intances of him eldritching out. Morrrre~

Oh, I like the turn it's taking. John's lack of freedom, of agency is getting broadened in its scale, John doesn't compare it to a human's (who he wanted to be) one - but to a god's (who he was). Seems like the DW rattled quite a few memories and John had to stop running away from his past (I mean considering the supposed atrocities he had to commit there he was basically forced into his old self so it was kind of inevitable). Who you were isn't who you are and doesn't have to be your future self either but it's still in there, it still matters and has its fair share of influence. He had to face this and I'm glad that he seemed to do it.

I don't want to imagine what it should feel like to be in John's metaphorical shoes though. He used to be a god - and then lost all the agency completely and kept failing to regain it, time after time. First he ended up in the DW despite his intentions with no chance to escape on his own accord, then was yeeted into Arthur and failed to take all control, then he had a chance during the ritual but that chance flew out the window, too. In the end of that path he had to lose even the little amount of freedom he had, giving himself back to the King. Frankly I think returning to the King could actually be a chance to take over - John managed to rival him in his will, after all, so who knows - maybe he could win, too. However, Kayne yanked him out and back into the DW, making him basically a slave yet again. Returning to Arthur should have felt heaveny at the very beginning, there even were moments of his own actions and achievements, like with cutting the tendrils. And yet this is still far from being free, being his own, even with the deal out of the picture. It should feel like a torture to have a living, independent mind and be unable to act on its will. No wonder he's a bit drunk on the opportunity to finally have some range of options.

Also now his attempt to kill Oscar that seemed very contradicting to his latter values and behaviour looks actually natural. Just out of the DW, with a reviewed perspective and confused about in what direction to head next, old instincts refreshed and most likely habitual again (if it was even possible - I mean what form did he have in the DW to even be able to do anything?) - no wonder in the moment of intense emotional turmoil he fell back to those old ways without much thinking. Still very bad but at least explainable now. Also it looks like John isn't sure he wants to be human now. Hmmm, I like this direction, too. The experience will stay anyway, he'll have the understanding, and that's important.

"I don’t know. But stop turning that frustration towards me." Wow, Arthur, A+ for the ability to articulate what exactly you want and are discontent with! Communication, yaaay!

I like how they arrived from defensive opposing positions to shedding the defences off and coming to an understanding, still managing to vent the emotions off in the process. Hey I want this level of the skill!

"Why wait? - Nothing. I thought I… it’s nothing. - You’re sure? - Yes." Uuuuugrh. High time to learn that's a bad way of addressing the suspicions, boys *sigh* 

"How did it… feel? - It felt… powerful. - Hm." This whole conversaton of theirs, especially coupled with the overall situation, really reminds me of the very beginning of season two. Fresh of the portal in an unknown surroundings, under the rain, talking about John's bad choices and things Arthur postpones to talk about ("The deal with Kayne… - In a moment."), only the last time John didn't let him. I guess now he feels too rattled himself.

The owl. Ow. I'll get to my eldritch owls AU, I promise! (Also, Alexander?! In what way is it comfortable?.. It means "the defender", so well maybe, but still - ehhh?..)

"This world could be very different than what we expect." - ooohhh, will they meet dragons?! *__* Hardy, I know, but the possibility is still thrilling.

*John describes the surroundings* I've been to just one DnD session but the shift in the perspective cannot be undone. Is that how you guys have been seeing the whole setting all along???

"Look, we can’t afford to be at odds here, John. Not anymore." Oh. I like the place they are at dynamic-wise. By now they've long established they want to be friends - trying to be as best as they can. No one has an upper hand, unlike in previous seasons. Season 1 os obvious, season 2 - John still knew more about the world they found themselves in than Arthur and hid some things, the relationship was still very rocky. In s3 Arthur had an upper hand at the very least emotionally-wise. Season 4 - John's turn again. Now thought they've come to some pretty good communication and know each other well enough, there's trust (despite everyting), and both are about equally in the dark. There's the "John's crimes in the DW" bit still looming over them but both are aware of it, which helps to some degree.

Meaning - more or less (John still has little agency, although it's a bit better now) equal partnership. YAY. I'm excited.

"It is time to grow up, in every sense of the word." Ahhh. There it is. I have to say it's been bugging me the whole time but I couldn't enunciate what exactly and with what grounds. The thing is, I distaste the way a person lacking in one field is being constantly compared to a child overall. This infantilization happens not only in Malevolent. It's often brought into other stories - the most recent one I came across was Resident Alien TV series. Often enough the said field is the emotional and the social one. You know who else is often infantillized the same way with similar issues? Neurodivergent people - I think autistic ones more frequently but I didn't look into the statistics (if they exist), that's just what I've heard of the most. I know I've been referred to in a patronizing way both by some friends and relatives just because I don't get things obvious to them but unseen to me (and half of those things makes no fucking sense even when you learn about them). John is far from being a child, his lack of knowledge and understanding, of experience lays in very concrete fields.

So the constant comparison to a "parent-child" dynamic is irritating to me when it's simply a "more experienced in one or two ways person & a less experienced in said ways person". Yes those fields are very important. Still, there are things John knows of and Arthur doesn't, but I don't recall anyone comparing our dear detective to a child back in Dreamlands, for instance. John knew how dangerous it was out there and was more coutious, had some memories and knowledge about some things existing there and got frustrated with Arthur's attempts to befriend everything around more than once. From this point of view, Arthur behaved "childishly" and lacked crucial experience John sort of had (even though it was mostly forgotten), while social skills and emotional intelligence meant next to nothing (save for once instance).

So can we please cut this tendency of sustainably comparing adults to children because they aren't as well-versed in one or two fields as others.

"There was so much I couldn’t explain, because you weren’t able to know where I had come from. But now… with you knowing, perhaps…" Oh shit THEY CAN FINALLY TALK EVERYTHING OUT clearly yaaaaay! I forgot! Looking forward to this.

Also John's very quiet for the most of the episode, as if he's afraid to say another word, like moving across a mine field. Very uncertain in any way, like he doesn't trust himself.

Aaaaand Arthur confirms his title of a disney princess trying to befriend every creature he meets once again! Thanks for addressing this in canon! =D

I like how the podcast is consistent with the fact that John has sense of smell but it's not as developed as Arthur's.

Damn it's so wierd to hear John at loss of words, and so often, too.

"You really started to master your investigative ways, you know?" I like how John sounds so lost for the majotiry of the episode, but once there's an opportunity to fall into a familiar process of the investigation, his tone immediately changes to a lighter, more confident one. There's comfort in it. And Arthur noticed this and paused to give a friendly praise. It's important after all the forgetfulness in New York, and judging by John's reaction he appreciated this, too. It's something to hold on to, like "I still have it, we've got this, it can still be okay".

Wow Arthur's filling the bingo card starting right from the very 1st episode! Falling yet another ladder are we :D Now there's rather a bad injury, too, and they didn't even meet any monsters yet :DDD Arhtur has certainly stepped up his game!

"No… no, nothing. - Is it the wall?" Arthur is really acing the whole friendship thing the whole episode. He took notice of how unsure John is of everything now and made this extra effort to help, to support.

Yay the glass is back in the game! I llike that they decided to revise the bag contents.

"Kayne’s dagger. - Frustratingly useful." Yay the humor this apisode is certainly humoring! =D

Three black candles, in the 13th century, right. That screams "ritual", guuuuys where is your cautiousness!

I like how this episode took its time and didn't skip over some "mechanics" like the podcast usually does. There are more directions from John (THANKS), more pondering over what to do and which way (the torch, the dagger and tracing the way along the wall), the sense of smell, the way the cloak kept the water from soaking through - these little details are what does the trick to me. What gives more quality to the story and the way it's told.

The membrain, ew. Arthur's been holding exceprionally well, honeslty.

Ah, I finally found the word to how John sounds for the most of the episode. Defeated, even in situations when he would have had other emotions before. "The Undefeated" title considered, this is extra sad.

A recurring thing of the episode is that they find themselves in the darkness and John can't see. I think it adds considerably to his feeling of being powerless. It often sounds like he's giving up.

"No. But we’re close to the surface!" And someone said he's going to be properly done with all the pits like two seasons ago :< (I don't really remember when it was exactly so maybe less but the notion still stands.)

So. The hole in the wall was a mouth with teeth, wasn't it?

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 25 - Grieving Cadence

The room burst with chaotic energy in a matter of milliseconds as Leo ran into the dojo to grab his twin katanas. For a normal person, such a stressful situation would leave the barer with a scrambled mind, floundering through the room and tripping over themselves as they try to process what just happened.

But Leo has never been normal. His eyes remained focused as his feet ran with purpose and will. His expression had gone into full ‘ Leader Mode ‘, leaving behind any traces of ‘ teenager ‘. His ‘oldest brother’ side still shone brightly, but it mirrored the image of a stoplight; Flashing and pulsing with warnings of danger, and no warmth in its vibrant hue.

When Leo sprinted back into the Living Room, Mikey could see the panic shrinking his pupils. The eldest was still very much aware of his surroundings, and was even still forcing a steady heartbeat. But his eyes gave away the facade the leader always carried.

Without thinking, Mikey flung the afghan off his legs and pushed himself off the couch, dropping the bag of frozen broccoli to the floor with a crunch.

He made it about two steps before the adrenaline rushing through his body slightly dissipated, allowing a tightening pressure coiling around his right ankle like a boa constrictor squeezing its prey. With a piercing screech, the youngest fell onto the floor holding his leg tightly to his chest.

Well…. That was stupid. He mentally groaned.

“ MICHELANGELO HANTEN! “ Yelled the leader, whom was quickly rushing up to the side of his once again fallen brother.

Ok…. Now I’m dead.

Leo grabbed Mikey’s shoulders and raised him up off the floor, then slid his arm around the youngest’s waist while leading him back to the couch.

“ Mikey I don’t have time for this- “ the leader rushed, nearly dropping Mikey haphazardly onto the cushions, “Just… Just stay here- I’ll be back as soon as I can- “

“ - No way, dude! You are not leavin’ me here like some cripple- I’m coming with. They’re my brothers too! “

To enforce his statement, Mikey pulled off the afghan Leo just placed back on his legs, and began sliding off the cushions again. This action was met with a silent but DEADLY whack from his brother’s calloused hand to Mikey’s right knee.

“ No, Mikey. “ The oldest solemnly stated as the youngest groaned from the impact, “ You are staying HERE. “

After the brotherly-inflicted pain faded in his knee, Mikey raised his head in defiance at the leader.

“ I’m.. coming.. You can’t stop me, Leo. “ Mikey tried very hard to sound as tough as he could, while still also struggling under the intensifying ache in his ankle. It didn’t come out as a pathetic squeak, so he’ll call it a win in his book.

The eldest’s eyes sparked as a war was fought between feelings of annoyance and respect for his little brother. Mikey watched as Leo sank deep into thought, probably trying to think of a plan to get Mikey off his back so he could go search for their missing brothers.

Leo growled as he reached for the built in power panel and clicked one of its many buttons, finally ending the horrible cacophony of the panic alarm.

“ - I can’t THINK with all this noise.. “ Leo grumbled as he rubbed his fingers into his temples.

As the leader tried to make a plan, Mikey was also attempting to figure a solution to his problem.

How bad does it REALLY hurt-

He tried to wiggle his foot, but abruptly stopped the motion as the ache returned with a vengeance. He was VERY lucky that the only noise that escaped him was a low rumbly hum. Had he shouted, groaned, or yelped again, Leo would have had him in his arms and off to bed in a second.

Alright, maybe I shouldn’t walk just yet… OW.

Mikey let out his own quiet growl as he could hear the grandfather clock tick away in Sensei’s Study.

They were running out of time.

The panic button carried a graven heaviness to it. One of the reasons the alarm’s song was so frightening to Leo and him was the fact that they’d never heard it before. Don had only just installed it on the day that Master Splinter finally allowed the brothers to go to the surface on their own. That was like two weeks ago.

Mikey slowly turned to look at his leader.

Leo’s expression finally revealed the torment running rampant through his mind, as he grew more and more tense with each failed phone call to his lost brothers. Mikey could hear the annoyed sound of Raph’s voice as his message played again and again in Leo’s ear.

‘ “ How does this stupid thing work…….what- what do you mean it’s already recording?! GRRRR DON SHOW ME HOW TO WORK THIS PIECE OF- [ BEEP ] “ ‘

When Raph first recorded his answering machine message, the brothers would all burst into laughter whenever he missed their calls. But now, Leo only grimaced and shrank at the harsh sounds of his fiery brother, almost as if the recording was taunting him.

REMINDING him.

“ Come on.. COME ON. “ The eldest bit his lip as he tried for Don’s cell again. With each failed call his mind became more and more unclear, as his voice was failing to conceal his shame and anger, his sadness… and his regret.

‘ “ Sorry, this is Donatello Hamato, I’m not at the phone right now, please leave a message, and if I have time I might call you back. [ BEEP ] “ ‘

“ - GRRRAHHH!! “

Leo raised his phone as if he were about to throw it into the ground, his arm stretched and taught like a band on a slingshot. Just as he looked like he was about to throw it with all the force he could muster, his arms went limp to his sides as he lost the battle to hold back his tears. The leader in blue, the one with the plan, the one who should never fail his family, fell down on his knees and began….

.. to pray.

Mikey could barely hear his brother as the oldest’s voice clashed and strained from the guilt and shame that swirled in his heart. The youngest could make out a few words through the chokes and sobs, the most used being “ please” and “ help them”… But the rest was grief-stricken gibberish that only God Himself was able to understand.

That’s good..seeing how He can actually do something for our brothers.. Mikey thought to himself, his inner voice tinged with bitterness.

Mikey looked down with hate filled eyes at his swollen ankle. He could feel his own tears now beginning to stream down his face as he gulped down the growing anxiety bubbling up his throat.

I can’t do anything.

His bitter heart added a sting to the tears as they pricked the corners of his eyes.

I can’t do anything for them.

He looked up.

…. But… I know You can.

With a strained voice, Mikey called to his brother, but all that sounded was the same pathetic squeak he was trying to avoid from before.

Dang it.

Mikey tried again, this time clearing his throat the best he could.

“ Leo…”

The oldest’s bowed head slowly rose from the ground to look up at his youngest brother. Tears had stained his royal blue mask, and his eyes were rimmed with a soft red. Choked sobs still weaseled their way out of Leo’s throat, as his gaze met Mikey’s.

“ Come.. *hic*.. Come here, bro. Pl- pl- lease..”

Without a word, Leo walked to his brother’s side. And Mikey, in one smooth motion, leapt off the couch one last time.

“ M- mikey n- no- “

The oldest never finished his sentence as his body was met with a crushing hug from his little brother.

The two stood there for what felt like hours, embracing each other as their shoulders trembled, and nestling their heads deep into the other’s neck. Their arms clung tighter and tighter as their separate sobs melded together into a cadence of fear and grief.

Their fight from earlier had no place in either of the brothers’ thoughts as they continued to try to comfort each other. The two boys’ minds were far too busy being filled with reasons of why Don and Raph sounded the dreaded alarm. What could have happened to them. If they were both alright.

..If they would ever come home.

“ We- we’re run-n-ning out of ti-ime.. “ The oldest whispered as he rubbed the tears from his eyes into Mikey’s shoulder.

The youngest’s chest tightened as he took a sharp inhale.

He knew what he had to do.

And he hated it.

“…G-go…..Go fi- find the- them. “ Mikey whispered back, “ I- I’ll only s-slow you do- down.. “

Leo lifted his head to look his youngest brother in the eyes. The oldest’s expression was filled with child-like fear and nervousness; He looked like a kid again. He had that same look that all kids wear when something scary happens:

WHAT DO I DO?

And with that question, a child would usually go to the closest adult in the room.

Leo is seventeen.

And he’s the closest they had to an adult until Splinter came home from scavenging in Central Park.

But with the call to leadership, Leo’s face and posture changed. His slumped shoulders straightened, and his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. He gave the weakest of smiles, rubbed his eyes one last time, and then nodded as he gently pushed Mikey back onto the couch.

“ I’ll f- find them, Mikey. “

Leo placed his hand on the back of Mikey’s neck, and lowered his forehead to the youngest’s.

“… I promise. “

As Leo picked up his katanas and began to run to the Lair’s main doorway into the tunnels, Mikey remembered something.

“ W-wait- Leo, hold up! “

The eldest quickly swiveled his head to be in Mikey’s direction, as the youngest leaned over and pulled some kind of secret drawer out of the coffee table. He grabbed something shiny and then threw it to Leo. With a quick flick of his wrist thanks to his ninja skills, the blue clad turtle caught the energy bar with ease. After a slight glance at the snack, he looked back up to Mikey with a “ you know what you did “ grin. Mikey responded with the widest of grins Leo’s ever seen.

“ .. Thanks, Little Brother. “

In a blur of green and blue, Leo had vanished sprinting down the tunnels.

Mikey gave a long, weighted sigh as he wiped away the remaining tears on his face.

… It’s ok….Leo’s got it… He’ll find them….

As he sat on the couch, not sure where to land his eyes, he noticed the wooden picture frame hanging on the wall next to the hallway. The words written inside the glass echoed in Mikey’s mind as his heart finally shattered.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths. “

They’ll be ok…. Mikey thought as he fell deep into the cushions of the couch, once again letting his tears stream freely, Leo will find them.. God will help him find them..

Mikey closed his eyes.

Lord… Keep my brothers safe.. Please, Lord..

PLEASE bring them home.

That's it for this chapter! :) Hope you enjoyed it! ( Or it made you sob your eyes out, either way as a author I win XD )

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

MASTERPOST <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[yandere-writer-momo]

How would the baki characters (including Jun) would kidnap reader🤔🤔

Yandere Baki Head Canons

Kidnapping edition

Jun Guevara

Classic chloroform rag over the face and he whisks you away on his ship.

Is nice enough to grab a few of your clothes for you even though you won’t be wearing clothes often

Hanayama Kaoru

He didn’t kidnap you, he trapped you. It’s a very slow process until you notice he doesn’t take you out with him often and you’re confined to his room more and more…

You’re trapped in such a beautiful cage surrounded by luxuries

Orochi Katsumi

Convinced himself you wanted to move in with him out of your own free will. He never thinks you’re trying to escape. He is incredibly delusional about the entire situation

Keep an eye on him. He tampers with all forms of birth control. His breeding kink is out of control

Hector Doyle

Hit you on the back of the head because you tried to run. He feels bad about it but then again, it’s your fault. You shouldn’t have even tried to run

You live in a bunker with him. Stockholm syndrome isn’t far away and even if you do try to escape, he always finds you. Doyle loves the chase. He thinks it makes the prize sweeter

Jack Hanma

He decided to relocate you. He doesn’t consider it kidnapping. He’s just move you to the middle of nowhere so no one can hurt you. It’s a perfectly rational response

Holds you all the time as you cry. He didn’t mean to upset you. Please understand

Kaioh Retsu

Another case of slowly trapping you. Your amazing boyfriend would never do anything you didn’t want to do after all! You were afraid of others trying to harm you! The world was a terrible place but Retsu was here with you

He’s able to convince you that being a stay at hike spouse was your idea. That this is the life you want

Baki Hanma

You wanted to break up because of his increasingly alarming behaviors. So he knocked you out with a quick smack to the head

He also uses a chain to keep your ankle attached to the bed. He doesn’t want you going anywhere. You can’t ever leave him

He’ll take a lot of reassuring to allow you more freedoms but he doesn’t trust you anymore. If you try to run again, he’ll break your ankle

[lonely-cereal]

Ray's Birthday Appreciation Essay

The 15th of January is celebrated as Ray from The Promised Neverland’s birthday! Ray is my all-time favorite character and favorite character from “The Promised Neverland."

Ray is an intellectual and Cunning boy with a deep love for his friends. He is, in my opinion, the best Promised Neverland character. 

To celebrate his birthday, I have made this Ray Appreciation Essay because he deserves every bit of praise for how hard he worked for freedom, even if it wasn't his own. 

If you are unfamiliar with his character, this is Ray. For most of his life, he lived in Grace Field Orphanage which is actually a farm where kids are raised as demon food. 

When he was 4, Ray came to realise that truth of his beloved home and became a traitor. Working for the children's Caretaker, Isabella. However, the boy is actually a double agent. Using his role as a spy to gather information and tools to save his best friends and reasons to live at the orphanage; Emma and Norman. 

He is known to be a bookworm and is the second smartest child of the house. With a daily IQ score of 300. He is known to be introverted, cunning, and sarcastic, though he has a deep love for his family and would do absolutely anything for his best friends. 

He suffered from intense feelings of guilt and self-hatred for most of his life, due to being a spy and having to watch as his fellow orphans walked to their deaths, all while being abused by his mother in the process.  Eventually, he came around to learn that he IS loved, and that he is not a bad person inside. 

Off the bat we already have a complex character arc and a strong mental capacity. He's so strong! Not to mention he could decipher the secret without even SEEING anything himself is amazing. He cares so much for his friends. 

ANYWAYS, our first topic of Ray appreciation is;

intelligence

Ray is an extremely intelligent and cunning boy who is known as the strategist and “walking encyclopedia." of the orphanage. 

Ray is the second smartest kid at the orphanage. He is the only one who can compete against the house's genius, Norman. Which Is impressive in itself. Ray worked hard for his intelligence since he was young. He always plans this several steps ahead and isn't afraid to speak his mind against stupid ideas. He is quick witted and understands the emotions of others quickly, especially his best friend's. 

He's so cool. 

Ray gained knowledge of the outside world from books and his work as a spy. He acts as a trump card for the group during and after their escape. His vast knowledge of survival related things and also the farm system in general proved to be very useful for the entire group. 

He was the only child among the group to discover where the demon's weak spot is without being told, he is able to react quickly in dangerous situations and makes decisions carefully, yet quickly which is impressive for his age group and just any human alone. 

Out of the three main characters, Ray definitely has the BEST memory. He does not suffer from infantile amnesia and can remember  details from even being in his mother's womb, being in the demon headquarters, and making his way to grace field. (Tbh…I'd be scared shitless if I knew that giantass demons who want to eat me witnessed my birthand took me away from my mom. Ray's strong as hell) 

His ability to remember has been proven useful on many occasions. Whether it being creatingthe escape plan himself or simply being able to honor the dead siblings Emma and Norman can't remember, . He's a smart kid. I'm the same age as him. I wish I was that smart. 

Ray appreciation topic 2: His love for his friends 

Ray became a traitor not for his own benefit, but for the benefit of his friends. Which is absolutely admirable. Though he's reserved and quiet and refrains from expressing his love with words, his actions make it obvious he cares alot. In my opinion, he is more caring than Norman.

Ray gaining information for his friends survival and covering up all their mistakes and creating an escape plan for THEM is remarkable. Ray also planned to commit suicide to distract his mother while his friend's escape. Mostly for Emma and Norman but also Don and Gilda after they found out the secret. This boy. An 11 year old boy planning to die to save the people he loves is heroic as hell. 

He wasn't afraid to rebuild relationships with his siblings when he previously pushed them away to make their deaths hurt less. When Jemima was scared to cross the cliff, Ray didn't hesitate to comfort her and go down the cliff with her. Immediately great older brother right there. 

Also, Ray SWORE on his LIFE to protect his family and love each and everyone of them no matter WHAT happens to them. That is honestly amazing and of course, very sweet. 

When he went to face the wild demon alone, he didn't give up at all. WHY? because he swore, he swore he'll protect his family. This boy risked his LIFE to save his family and if they didn't have Ray they'd be screwed. Shirai said he was the only person capable of outrunning them. 

Ray didn't hesitate to think of the kids when Yugo threatened to kill him and Emma, Ray didn't hesitate to jump into action and help Emma when she was in danger.his desperation to save the one he loves so BADLY is adorable he literally is risking everything for her. 

This is funny as hell

BROOO HE LITERALLY LOVE THEM SO MUCH! LOOK AT THIS PANEL! 

Gosh ray is sooo fill of love guys. 

When Emma was stabbed he was holding herhand and was by her side the entire time an he had even PRE-PREPARED soup for her! What a gentleman. the way the kids cling to him is funny as well.

One thing I love about Ray's character is how we got to see how the kids became important to him. Gradually over time, the kids he had once pushed out are now his drive. Ray swore on his life to protect them so he does. We can see him immediately embracing Jemima upon the shelter attack and even about to shoot Andrew and take a human life because if Andrew killed them Yugo’s death would've been in vain. 

We can easily see how Ray is the bridge between Norman and Emma. He completes Emma in every way btw. He calls the two out on mistakes and usually is a pillar of knowledge. Although his character was slightly butchered which I'm salty about, Ray still is a pillar of Wisdom for his friends and cares deeply for their well-being. 

Look at this scene, the way you can CLEARLY see the devotion he

 has for his best friend. The way he learned to love and trust her so much is so cute LOOK at the best friends. You can see how much he grew and learned to go with the flow, although he's still cunning and intelligent he's more open to ideas that seem dream-like. Ray takes in consideration the sides of all his friends and creates ideas from that rather than favoritism and leaning to only one's view. 

This kid literally shouldered abuse for his friends for his whole life and no one gives him enough credit. 

Ray appreciation topic 3: talents

I think we can all agree that out of the whole trio Ray has the most hobbies and interests, and he's damn good at them too. We all know he's smart as hell obviously but this man cooks everyday for over 63 people and everyone is GUSHING over how good it is. Look even here gillian literally is implying that his food will heal wounds because it is so good. This bitch practiced for ONE day and is better than Gordon Ramsay. Talk about talent. He makes  Yakisoba for Yugo at a very fast pace. He's talented aahh <333 Also he takes good photos with his silly camera. Too bad he used it to build the tracking disabler. Oh! That reminds me, he's great at machines. I mean he literally built a thing to disable a microchip made with demon technology,even though the kids don't even have TVs with scrap parts. His ability with machines is awesome. Everything he touches he seems to be good at. He's good with guns and arrows, a sharpshooter basically. Like father like son huh? (Yugo.)

Ray is literally so cool and deserves every inch of praise. I love you ray. Happy birthday. 

[storycraftcafe]

How do you go about setting up a chapter? Do you plan ahead or just start writing and see where it takes you? Or do you do both?

Hey and congrats, you are my first anon and my first asker! Thank you~ Grab yourself a drink, this got wordy.

Short answer: I plan enough to have a guide for where I’m going and then explore away, so a little of both. 

Long Answer: Out of necessity I’ve learned to be a planner with my writing. Having a guideline to follow that tells me where I am in the story and where I’m going and what I need to do to get from story-beat to story-beat helps me stay excited, focused and avoid any kind of writer’s block. 

I think of it like a roadmap. The story’s end is my destination and in the meantime I have all the information I need to get there via landmarks (story-beats and character arcs) and points of interest (cool scenes that I’m excited to write). It’s not set in stone and allows me to be adaptable and explore while still giving me a framework to work with (think theme, structure, etc).

Usually this ends up being a big document of dot-points organised into story-beats (Inciting Incident, Point of No Return, etc) and then very rough groupings that make up the chapters.

 I do this for any writing project I tackle (including this ask) and apply the same process to my chapters. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dived into a chapter with only a few details and found myself stalling or forgetting that I was supposed to foreshadow X or include scene or conversation Y. Let me know if you want me to talk about my planning process.

Also I’m a big believer in iterative writing and planning. I start with big broad ideas and refine until I have enough ideas, and write then rewrite until I’m happy. You'll see what I mean.

Here’s how I do Chapter Planning. 

As an example let’s say we’re a few chapters into a project. We have our protagonist Dan, a fairly badass hero with a dark past who lives in an apartment building next to Laura, a mysterious supporting character that eventually becomes his friend and ally.

In the previous chapters Dan has met Laura, learned a little about her, and noticed a few odd things like eyes that gleam in the dark and strange bruises. The last chapter Dan overheard Laura return home in the early morning via their shared fire escape, weapon in hand. Suspicions aroused, Dan has decided to follow Laura the next time she leaves by the fire escape and find out what she’s up to.

The first thing I do is check my outline which at its simplest form, looks like this:

Chapter 4  - Ben is suspicious and follows Laura - She is aware and they have a confrontation and are overheard by monsters - Fight - reveals they’re both not as they seem to each other - Decide to trust each other, return to Laura’s home to patch up and talk - Start of friendship. Reminder: Suggest Laura’s back story. Highlight character similarities.

The plan is for these two to become friends triggered by an extreme situation and the uncovering of secrets, and while this can be enough to start with, I prefer to have more detail before I start writing. How do these things happen? What time is it and what’s the setting like? Where do these events take place and exactly how?

At this point I have at least a scene in my head that I want to include, so I note that down and build from there, starting broad and elaborating as I go.

My notes end up looking like this:

Chapter 4: -Dan waits for Laura in a dark apartment, tipped off by the last chapter’s phone call. It’s 2am and cold. -Laura leaves and Dan silently follows at a distance through quiet streets that grow more empty. Dan gets a bad feeling. -Laura arrives at an empty boarded building frequented by squatters and seems to investigate, sniffing the air. She then enters the building and Dan follows. -Something is wrong. There are bad smells like urine and blood and rot. -Laura is waiting for Dan and she confronts him, telling to leave. They argue, Dan wants answers, Laura wants him to go. -Too late, they’re surrounded by monsters (Gaunts, skinny and human like at a distance but stretched and gangly with long limbs, claws and needle like teeth) -Laura passes Dan a weapon and they start to fight back to back and help each other. -Dan’s enhanced strength is revealed, as is Laura’s skill and yellow eyes. -Fight done, they have a stare down and lower their weapons. -“What the hell are you?” “... A werewolf.” “Wait what?!” -They dispose of remains and decide they need to talk and patch up. - Laura tense as they walk back and Dan muses on his options. - He enters her apartment for the first time, it’s warm, inviting and colourful. - Laura welcomes him and boils water for clean up and gets her advanced first aid kit. Many vials and things like suture and burn kits. - Talk - go over what they have in common, what his deal is and hers. Hint at Laura’s back story and trauma. Hint at Dan’s.  - They share some food (Laura is big on Old School Hospitality) and Dan realises he enjoys her company. - He offers friendship, she accepts, and he leaves.

 And this is usually enough for me to start writing. As I go I refer back to these dot points but I also give myself room to elaborate, divert and explore interesting ideas or things that make more sense than my guidelines. I let myself be very rough. I try not to worry about editing beyond fixing spelling mistakes and typos, and if a section isn’t working, I cut it out, go back a bit and try again. Afterall, writing is rewriting. You can always fix things.

Once the chapter’s been drafted, I give it a read, make a mental note of what I enjoy, what bores or confuses me and do some tweaking and rewriting. At this point if I’m on a third or fourth draft, I poke at my Very Amazing Alpha/Beta reader to try and catch anything I’ve missed.

And then I do it all over again for the next chapter, checking the story outline, adding any notes for future events or adjusting anything that needs adjusting and starting to write at least enough that it’s easy to pick up the next session.

Hope you got some ideas from this, anon! <3