#also in high school i avoided a lot of other autistics because there was this one kid with severe temper issues and no volume control

[goatmilksoda]

When someone else is exhibiting autistic traits but they don't agree with yours and you don't want to be judgemental or come off as ableist by telling them to stop stimming or whatever even though its driving you up the fucking wall.

[candiid-caniine]

support needs and sex

having trouble with words recently. during this, I don't post much. have autism, have talked about it here before, but only small things.

but lots of frustration recently about representing. how people with low support needs have louder voices. people with cute, quirky autism get represented more because neurotypicals don't feel as uncomf. still they have their struggles but you know. middle to high support needs are uncomf. have to hide, have to be quiet. people with low support needs, also sometimes think *their* autism is *all* autism. don't want to talk about mid/high supports people, or be associated.

but, speech loss bad enough that I don't want to go into it today. stick to what is doable.

autistic people have sex. autistic people do kink. lot of positivity here about this. i've seen it. you've seen it. you've seen me also do it.

but autism in sex, not just:

cute stimming because sex feels good

sensory overload, in a good way

hard to speak because of good feelings

person getting flustered/shy/nervous

not only cute. not only shy. not only because of good feelings.

autism can be ugly, scary, difficult, bad communicating, hard to know how to support, getting in the way.

for me:

speech loss; not cute speech loss because of good feelings, speech loss because life is exhausting; exhausted, don't want to have sex

handling rejection poorly. have to use a lot of energy to keep from being a bad partner because of overreacting

sensory overload because good, but i dissociate because sensory overload

use sex to escape bad feelings, not in a healthy coping way

can't explain why i react poorly. in most circumstances. but also happens around sex

frustration because i can't think how to explain

meltdown because so frustrated

cycle repeats

have trouble understanding un-firm versions of "no" (have to work hard to communicate with partner, and i do, but hard work af)

have trouble understanding "maybe"

have trouble predicting how i "will/would" feel

thus frustration. meltdown. cycle resumes

or, know what i want; don't know how to explain

AND YET: i am not:

too dysfunctional for sex/relationship

"basically a child"/too immature

unsafe person

too fucked up for marriage

bad person for dating

someone who should avoid sex until burnout ends

...because i am adult. my partner is an adult. we talk about things. we know good expectations. i don't lie about can/can't do things. they don't lie about can/can't do things.

sex is only one slice of this. this blog is about sex, so i post it here. but these issues are big in my life. need support in school, in work; i seem so functional to a stranger, but only because support needs are met.

support needs met = big privilege. i acknowledge this. not so easy for many people, who seem less functional to others, only because support needs not met.

anyway. conclusion:

neurotypicals/non-autistics: don't expect sex + relationships with autistics to be like sexy imagine posts on tumblr. can be sometimes, but often not.

autistics, even: don't expect sex + relationships with other autistics to be like sex + relationships for you.

low support needs autistics: you guys have a problem. (maybe technically i am you guys, don't really know, so maybe *we* have a problem.) some of you don't like when autism represented as mid-high support. don't like to think you're like us. not cool. either way stop speaking like *your* autism is *all* autism. if you have energy + time + emotional resource to do so, tell off other low support needs when they act like this.

high/mid support needs: i see you. you belong. you deserve healthy, good sex if you are adult. support needs =/= being unworthy/not well enough/not functional enough for relationship. possible to have relationships that work for you, allow for the kind of support you need, from other person/medical team/support system. don't mask to get through relationship. hurts you, you should be loved for who you are.

[writingquestionsanswered]

i’m autistic so when i’m doing Anything i am almost always specifically Avoiding noticing my surroundings, anything going on at all, so when it comes to descriptive writing i’m slowly realising i actually don’t know What to write. i can get a little bit in about physical body things like emotions or pain etc but i don’t reeaally know how to describe an environment or room or anything but i’m not really wanting to start looking for that in real life because it would overwhelm me so i’m not sure how to like. learn it, i guess?

Describing Environments as Autistic Writer

Describing environments can be tricky for any writer, but there's a great method you can use that will help make it easier. For any environment you need to describe, go looking on Google Image Search, Pinterest, Pexels, Shutterstock... wherever... for inspiration photos that represent that environment.

For example, let's say I need to describe a high school gymnasium. Google Image Search gives me lots of great pictures:

I can go through and find ones that match what I'm envisioning. Or, if I have nothing in mind, whichever one stands out as being a good fit. You can bookmark the image, save it, screen cap it, or print it out. Or, you might just keep the image open for reference while you describe the environment in your story.

Some people find it helpful to create "mood boards" or "aesthetics" with lots of different pictures that represent one location. Then, any time they need to describe that environment, they can look back to the collage image for reference.

Depending on whether you're a "planner" or a "pantser," you may want to gather all your inspiration photos in advance, or you may want to just wait until you come to an environment you need to describe and search for the inspiration images then.

Either way, once you have a photograph to guide you, it's much easier to figure out how to describe what the environment looks like. You can talk about things like layout, architectural structure/elements, size, shapes, color and texture, and decoration. You may also wish to include other sensory details, such as sound, smell, and feel... such as the echo inside a gym, the smell of rubber mats, and warmth from a lot of people crowded together to watch an event.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[kndrules]

Sector V autism headcanons: their experiences with diagnosis and school

Nigel also does not mask and had very obvious autism as a kid, but because of how he acted out in targeted ways, he was labeled a troublemaker instead and diagnosed with ODD. He got less support in school because of this, but he did have some resource classroom time. His parents were the core of his support and advocated for him. Nigel saw a lot of specialists as a kid and that's where his distrust of doctors comes from, as most of them wouldn't take him seriously. His autism does eventually get diagnosed in middle school, but if he had more of a say he probably wouldn't have sought a diagnosis

I know I've said a lot of this before but Allow Me To Infodump

Kuki and Wally are a category of their own because they are the highest support needs of the group (medium support needs). They were both diagnosed really young, and started having serious behavioral problems early too. Wally in particular is demand avoidant, but both struggled with meltdowns. In school, they spent part of their day in a separate setting/ resource classrooms. Their academics lagged well behind their peers. As they grew up, Kuki started to mask more and more but Wally is never able to. Kukis academics improved sooner than Wally's did- Wally was barely able to graduate high school on time. He didn't find strategies that worked for him until halfway through his undergrad years. Both of them are AuDHD

Hoagie and Abby are also similar to each other in that they're both double gifted and didn't have IEPs in school. They both appeared to have it together, so they didn't get any support when they actually needed it. They didn't know how to ask for help. Abby in particular put a lot of pressure on herself to appear perfect.

Abby is a high-masking autistic person who needs a lot of rest and space away from people to recover. She absolutely is never officially diagnosed, but she's self diagnosed. She suffers from burnout frequently, but is good at hiding it.

Hoagie actually has huge deficits in certain academic areas that they don't have a special interest in, but because they excell in other places, teachers assume it's because hoagie is just being unfocused and lazy. They have learned that they can do better in subjects like English and History if they study/write about topics they ARE interested in. But they still struggle tremendously if they have to, for example, read a book for English class that isn't interesting to them.

Hoagie gets diagnosed as an adult. Its like super obvious that they're autistic for their entire life, but their parents are definitely also undiagnosed autistic, so they saw how their kids behaved and thought "yep, seems normal!"

In general, I imagine when they went to school was in the 2000s, which is when I was also in school- special education programs were better than they used to be, but not as good as they can be now. And now, it still hugely varies from school to school. I don't think resources were very good for kids at Gallagher Elementary, since we see the teachers be terrible to their students and belittle kids who struggle academically or behaviorally.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for avoiding people because they vape?

🦞<- so i can find this

I (15M) go to a very, very small high school, only 250 people or so. It’s a magnet/early collegetrade type school in Texas, and there’s not many queer kids. I’m a freshman, and at the beginning of the school year I made friends with the only openly queer friend group at the school. I get along with them well enough, though sometimes it’s hard to understand their social ques (i’m autistic). Most people in the friend group are Juniors, and about a week into knowing them they mentioned how they vape, and how three of the guys actually got expelled from they’re local school for several different vape/drug-related issues.

I don’t care if people vape or smoke weed, I think they should have the right to do that, but it’s one of my triggers for several different reasons and being around it makes me uncomfortable. I know that at least one girl, R, can’t go anywhere outside of school without vaping. For this reason I’ve almost never hung out with any of them outside of school.

Around November-December, two things happened that made me want to stop hanging out with them. I went to R’s birthday party, where she immediately got high and then two hours in went upstairs with all the other kids (minus the three freshman there, who weren’t allowed to go upstairs because they didn’t want us to smoke), so i left early. Then, about a week later, my at-the-time boyfriend (we broke up a few days after this for other reasons) told me R gave him and another friend vapes, which means the only other freshman who were in that group also vaped now, and I felt kinda left out.

Another reason I think I might be the asshole is that, since this school is kinda a nerd school, there’s a lot of career networking with teachers and guests and whatnot, and teachers have told classes that they consider people’s groups when judging their moral character. One teacher specifically, who I hate, is in charge of a lot of the student leadership and is very judgmental. I know they look down on the “blue hair stoner” groups, and I feel like hanging out with them would lower my chances (which are already very low since i’m a queer autistic person) of being chosen for financial and social opportunities. It’s not fair but it’s the truth yk?

I had always gotten the vibe that nobody except maybe 3 of those people liked me, and I was naturally starting to make other friends since I wasn’t as socially awkward as the beginning of the semester. I’ve pretty much stopped talking to everyone in that group, minus one guy and making small talk every now and then. R has come up to me several times in the past two months and asked me (jokingly? i can’t tell) if i’ve been avoiding them, and I always just like.. steer around the question. I don’t want her thinking that I’m judging her for vaping/smoking, even tho I think highly of her. I’m trying specifically not to trauma dump in the ask box, but I’m predisposed to addiction in my family and have trauma from other incidents where vapes/weed/drugs etc were involved, and being around them make me physically start shaking.

AMITA for avoiding them?

What are these acronyms?

[prodigal-explorer]

now that we’re on the topic of high school aus

i really wanna write about my one au where roman is very unpopular and he gets bullied a lot for being effeminate and theatrical and just very autistic. his brother remus is just as unpopular, but remus does not complain about it. roman, though, desperately wants to be popular, and he thinks the way to do it is to join the football team.

virgil is the captain of the football team. he is popular, but he is very kind, laid back and relaxed outwardly, though inside, he is an anxious wreck because he’s worried that he won’t get a football scholarship and won’t be able to go to college because he’s from a low-income family.

roman and virgil become unlikely friends as virgil coaches roman in football so one day, roman can join the team, but virgil is worried that roman will be eaten alive on the field because he’s weak physically, and the other jocks are horrible to anybody who is different than them, and roman is very very different than them. so virgil makes up lies to try and avoid letting roman on the team for as long as he can while he figures out a solution that’ll make everyone happy.

meanwhile, roman is met by a mysterious figure. a smiley, happy, kind boy named patton who offers to be roman’s best friend, and he says that virgil’s training is useless, and that he will show roman how to really make it on the football team. it starts out genuine, but when patton realizes that roman only wants to be on the team so he can be popular, patton despises roman for his greed and pride and selfish ambition. so slowly, out of pushed down and repressed resentment, patton starts to “punish” roman through football training. he also makes roman promise not to tell anybody about their training sessions, or else bad things will happen. patton starts to become addicted with playing god over roman after a lifetime of repressing every negative emotion he’s ever felt.

and roman doesn’t realize because he’s so excited to become a football player and to be popular.

and meanwhile, remus is trying to figure out what’s going on and why his brother is turning into a secretive, and completely different person.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 14

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Oz Vessalius (Pandora Hearts)

"Struggles with self-worth, adores books, ADHD (though that’s not canon—but he fits the diagnostic criteria), his strongest/most important relationships are platonic"

Sound (My School President)

"Lonely gay teenager who tries to be cool and sauve but gets adopted against his will by a group of losers and then falls for one of the losers who gets on his nerves a lot because he was nice to him once and then he gets all awkward and flustered around the boy and tries to avoid him and antagonize him but the boy sees through it and they eventually end up together and he becomes the most annoying person in love ever"

Luz Noceda (The Owl House)

"adhd. possibly some autism too. a weird girl who got outcasted by being herself and sure has some WACK coping mechanisms to deal with it. self worth is IN THE DRAIN. gnc and not straight. writes fanfic. artist. goes through a depression era when at her moms house. loves her mom also. this is canon stuff i'm saying"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA she is so ASDHSUJD. Okay I started watching the owl house because I knew there was a WLW couple, so obviously I had to check it out. But upon watching the show, I got so emotionally connected to it, or moreso the protagonist, Luz, that it could go beyond some people's understandings... I remember that almost any scene showing her neurodivergent traits would hit SO. CLOSE. HOME. It would be unbelievable. I literally rewatched the show more than seventeen times one summer. She is just so goshdarn relatable man. She's the weird kid, has no friends, loves making anime edits, is OBSESSED with a book series, loves witches and magic and stuff, has ADHD, an attention span that is so high when she's engaging with something she likes doing and so low when she's bored. She's just so lovely. I know a lot of people found her annoying in season one but she hit close home to me. Season two was amazing as well and she started getting even MORE relatable!! She started showing her people pleasing, how much she blames herself, it was so sad but I was glad to see a character I could relate to so much on screen. I mean i personally didn't experience the loss of my father and I personally do have one friend whom I'm able to share my life with, but she's still super relatable. She can be so silly and so cool. And her impulsivity and the way she realized she doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up also hit close home. Mwah"

Gundham Tanaka (Super Danganronpa 2)

"Goth autistic theater kid"

Saiki Kusuo (Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan/The Disastrous Life of Saiki K)

"He's very dead inside, especially in the English Dub, and introverted. But even so, he cares a lot for his friends, even if he never says it to them and he finds them annoying most of the times. He also be nosey and just insert himself into others' situations that don't involve him (obviously, he makes it so that nobody knows he's there and, obviously, he's also complaining about this all the time). He's canonically aroace, or at least aroace spec He's canonically trans. He was born as a girl but he didn't like it so he immediately turned himself into a boy with his psychic powers. An argument could be made about him being on the autism spectrum."

Drew (The Music Freaks)

"I don't like him actually I hate him and love him st the same time in fact but. This man is so real and such a horrible jerkwad to everyone around him. I mean I can't relate to THAT but I should mention he also gets jelous easily, he is in love with his best friend who does not like him back, he's all moody and grouchy and bratty. And so am I and I hate it lol."

[milolovesbmc]

wait wrol jeremy is canonically/intentionally autistic coded??? please elaborate what are his little autistic mannerisms tell me everything

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST FREAKING ASK I'VE EVER GOTTEN!!! HOLD INTO YOUR SOCKS CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO RAMBLE!!!!!!

So, First off, Jeremy (in the Broadway/Off-Broadway productions) IS autistic coded!! since Will Roland based his interpretation/acting for Jeremy on teenagers from a theater camp he attended, who where most (not to say all) autistic. Also, I can't possibly talk about Jeremy being autistic without mentioning this, in the first/original version of Be More Chill Pt.1 one of the SQUIP's line to Jeremy is literally "every lame characteristic, makes you come off as autistic" which they cut (for obvious reasons) but there, had to be mentioned!! So in conclusion, yes he IS autistic coded!! With that outta the way:

WHY WILL ROLAND'S JEREMY IS AUTISTIC CODED!

EYE CONTACT

- This one is the one I have the least to talk about, it's mentioned he has issues with eye contact in More Than Survive, "[...] Avoiding any eye contact at all"

ABNORMAL SPEECH

- OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

- One of the biggest differences between Roland and Connolly Jeremy is how Will R Jeremy talks

- He has issues with Volume control, like how sometimes he's talking and he out of nowhere yells out a word or something and he seems to not notice? Also, he's the only character that talks louder than the rest normally (you have to differ this from stuff like how Michael screams the lines he says in More Than Survive while he's dancing, that's intentional, he's being goofy and having fun)

- Sometimes he talks too fast, like to the point he slurs his words, you can notice a couple or more of these throughout the show

- To finish off the speech thing, he talks in a really flat tone, you can tell not only by comparing his tone to other characters (like Jake for example) or if you compare the voice Will Roland does for Jeremy to the one he does for Jared in DEH, Jeremy's it's flatter

-I'm not too sure this is included in "Abnormal speech" for autism, but I felt like I had to mention that he does stutter/stammer (?) A lot throughout the whole show, it's even mention by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1 ("All your stammering's a chore" "Stammer?! No- no I don't stammer!")

- it's also suggested he speaks in a "weird" way when in Loser Geek Whatever he says "The please don't speak!" When referring to how he's perceived by his peers

SPECIAL INTEREST

- His special interest is clearly Superheroes and stuff of the sort (mainly from comics I'm pretty sure, but I don't know too much about superheroes) and he references them a lot of times and sees like most of his life and actions through more of a superhero/fiction sense

- The biggest example of him doing this is in More Than Survive (I'm gonna be mentioning MTS a lot here) when he says the line "If this was an apocalypse, I would not need any tips, on how to stay alive!"

- Also, I can even go into that one line even deeper, by this line he basically means that for him it'd be easier to survive in a zombie apocalypse rather than a high school, because an apocalypse has simple rules you need to follow to survive; getting food, not being biten by zombies... While to "survive" high school you need to do a whole bunch of stuff no one tells you you need to do; socialising, not having grades too high or too low, being cool, talking to people, making eye contact... Which are harder to him. This also means that he would know how to survive in a zombie apocalypse because of how much he plays Apocalypse of the Damned (most definitely part of his special interest)

- Also, here's some references/ties he makes between real life and fiction/superhero stuff:

"I like your sideburns, wolverine, right?"

"Like in X-Men?!"

- Not to mention one of his options for the SQUIP's settings was literally Batman

SOCIAL SKILLS

- I don't think I can give very specific examples here, but basically, the literal whole theme of the show is Jeremy not fitting in cause he's "socially awkward" and just generally "weird", you can mostly see it through how the SQUIP helps him socialize, the most clear example is maybe at the mall with Brooke and Chloe.

SARCASM, JOKES, METAPHORS ETC.

- Biggest one is in ILPR when Christine says "no this is where you meet for the swim team" when Jeremy asks about if you meet for Play Rehearsal there, and he takes the joke literally and starts to look around to make sure he's in the right place

- While Michael is talking about the Whole evolution thing, Jeremy is really confused, most probably because he doesn't understand why he's mentioning that as advice/metaphor?/an answer to his problems, then gets even more confused when he says "There's never been a better time in history to be a loser!"

- In Two-Player Game after Jeremy talks about getting the SQUIP and how it'll work and how it'll improve his life, Michael says "and if it does? Will you be too cool for... Video games??" He's clearly using that as an indirect way of saying he's afraid of losing him (which he actually does later on so that's fun!! /J) and Jeremy catches that but basically just completely ignores the metaphor thing and talks about it in a literal sense

RULES

- He mentions how he has some "rules" he follows to survive in More Than Survive (ofc it's in MTS) in the line "And so I follow my own rules, and I use them as my tools, to stay alive"

- This is not part of the musical, but it is in the book and I thought it was a good thing to mention here because it's pretty related, in the book he has these things called "Humiliation Sheets" they are papers he makes (and prints everyday, mind you) where he marks his social Humiliations, like when someone ignores him or laughs at him etc

MOTOR SKILLS

- Jeremy has like, pretty bad spacial awareness, like when he's Walking down the hallway In MS and he literally walks into half the people

- A really big example of it is in Be More Chill PT.2 when all of the people in the mall are flossing (as a whole thing because of the SQUIP) and Jeremy can't manage to get it right

STIMMING

- This is mentioned by the SQUIP in Be More Chill PT. 1, where it literally says "your tics and fidgets are persistent"

- Some of the ways he stims in:

1) The literal first line of the musical, when he says "c-c-c-c'mon c-c-c-c'mon go go!" that's a vocal stim, cause he's inpatient/nervous. (Also in I love play Rehearsal and voices in my head, maybe in some other moments too but idk rn)

2) Not to sure if this one counts as stimming, but he tends to hold onto things pretty tight (mostly through MTS) , like his sleeves or his backpack or Michael when Christine signs up

2.5) This closely relates to stim 2, but he also opens and closes his fists a lot, like clenching and unclenching them

(There's more but I can't remember all of them rn)

3) he moves his hands and rise and drops them a lot when he's upset and talking about what he's upset about, like in More Than Survive and Loser Geek Whatever, also, a lot of big gestures generally

4) At the Halloween party before (?) a guy that I'd kinda be into (Reprise) Christine asks "just say what's on your mind" and Jeremy basically makes a really weird noise which Christine goes along with, that's indeed vocal stimming!! They're stimming together how sweet is that!!

- This is not Jeremy related but I just wanted to mention it, Michael stims like A LOT, you can look at him in any scene and he will 99% surely be stimming in some way, specially in MITB (someone ask me about Michael being autistic so I can talk about that too pretty please /hj)

Can you tell I'm really into psychology and stuff?? This is basically my two fav interests combined, BMC AND PSYCHOLOGY YAYY!!!!

Btw feel free to talk about you own opinion/take on the whole thing, I'd be happy to know!! :D

[tealmaskmybeloved]

WHAT R UR HEADCANNONS ABT THE LOYAL THREE I NEED THEM NOW

Okidogi

- Enjoys belly rubs but refuses to acknowledge it in fear of it will make him look weak

- Often carries around Kieran and the other members when needed

- Also helps Kieran reach high places

- Met Dokutaro when Okidogi was kicked out of his pack for being too scrawny and weak; Dokutaro took advantage of that

Munkidori

- Is the weakest of the trio when it comes to strength, uses his powers to make up for that

- Has excellent mobility and flexibility

- Parkours super well

- Is the first to figure out Dokutaro's true intentions with Kieran

- Can both see the future and move things with his mind

- He met Dokutaro when he was lost and away from his family (he fell due to his clumsiness and got separated)

Fezandipiti

- TRANS KING WE STAN

- Wanted to be beautiful to impress a male Unfezant

- Didn't get the Unfezant but got chained to Dokutaro's will

- Collects and hoards shiny objects and glass

- Wants the Loyal 3 to be as beautiful as himself, so he makes sure that they look their best when robbing towns

- Is the one who did Kieran's new hair

- Likes the nickname "Fez"

Dokutaro/Pecharunt

- Is a lot bigger in my AU for reasons (about the size of a human head)

- Hates peaches and bans them from the household (Also dislikes oranges)

- Only opens up its shell when offering people/Pokémon its mochi or Toxic Chains

- Is the one who takes his job the most seriously (he's the leader after all)

- Stayed at Peachy's for like hundreds of years and even tested out controlling people on the shopkeeper there

-Allows the Loyal 3 to have some kind of free will most of the time. They still feel a sense of loyalty to him, but it's not outright mind control. (He only does that in certain situations)

Kieran (yes I'm adding him here because in my AU he's a member so)

- While he hates Ogerpon now, he didn't have the heart to completely throw away the mask he had of the Ogre, so it's just stuffed under the bed in a box

- Survives off of chocolate and spite

- Was a regular customer at Peachy's and always wondered about the odd plush there, imagine his surprise when he found out that it was a Pokémon

- Autistic and ADHD (like me)

- Hates presenting stuff

- Doesn't go home after school so he just hangs out with the Loyal 3 most of the time.

- Avoids Florian/Juliana and Carmine at Blueberry Academy

- Dreams of going to Paldea and away from Kitakami someday

Alright I think these should be good

[elacular-kink]

Poly-techhic 3.5 A: Oops all feelings

This is a pretty direct sequel to chapter 3. It's a very short scene where Maya asks Olivia about her relationship with Susanna now that she finally has The Context. This includes No Hiccups, sadly.

Character Sheet

TW: Religious trauma, Shame (remembered, discussed), Abortion (discussed), Emotional meltdowns (remembered), Shitty teachers (remembered), Kids/teens dealing with kink stuff (remembered), Self-loathing (remembered, discussed), Complicated romantic feelings

"Hey, Liv!" I said while we were lying in my bed together. "Now that I know about Susie's cute hiccup thing, can I know the full story behind you and her?"

Liv sat up and pursed her lips for a moment. "I guess you can now, yeah. Well, it started in preschool. I only remember parts of it because we were so young, but the main thing I remember is that it was the first place where a lot of people started getting sick of my hiccups and telling me that. Teachers and other kids. They'd do things like try and make me drink water or hold my breath, even though I told them I knew that nothing worked. They didn't listen to me. And every time a new person tried, they didn't listen to me either. But I could feel that Susanna was watching me. She always was, but she never talked to me, and she never tried to cure me. So eventually I just came up and asked her why she was staring at me, and she yelled 'You're scary!' and ran away. So I guessed that that made sense. I assumed it was a racism thing." It was kind of crazy to me to imagine a four-year-old being able to "assume it was a racism thing".

"But one day we had a substitute teacher who was really really bothered by my hiccups. And she kept trying to cure me, and after water and holding my breath, they got weirder, and she kept touching me and trying to drag me places and I started crying, and then Susanna yelled at her. She yelled about how nothing cures me and said that if she didn't stop trying to, she'd beat the teacher up. So Susanna and I both got sent to the corner. I asked her why she was scared of me, and she said it was because she was scared of the hiccups. When I asked her why she'd never tried to cure me then, she said that just because she was scared of them didn't mean that they shouldn't exist. And then out of nowhere she just yelled 'I'm gonna be brave and face my fears!' After that, we were best friends. She was always around me, especially when I had the hiccups, and if anybody tried to cure me or give me crap about them, she'd yell at them or hit them. Susanna got in trouble a lot.

"At the end of that year, my older brother got expelled because he was too autistic for them, so he and I were both sent to public school. That was probably a good thing, and I was happy to go to the same school he was, but I didn't realize Susanna wouldn't be going there too until it was too late. We left the church too, so I couldn't find her through that either. So all through elementary and middle school, I still had the same experiences, but no Susanna to protect me or get angry at people for me. That's part of why I realized being honest was important. Even if a lot of people didn't listen to me when I said that nothing cured me or that I didn't like being touched, some people would listen, and they'd know that I always said that, so I'd have a sort of paper trail. A court record, I guess. That's also why I learned how to get pretty good at muffling my hiccups. I don't like doing that when I don't have to, though, so I usually avoid it these days.

"Then in high school, I saw Susanna again. As soon as I did, I hugged her, because she said I could hug her any time. She was really confused and angry, but when I told her who I was, she remembered me right away. I was confused too because she acted like she didn't want me around, but then I remembered how she'd stared at me and run away from me when we were little, and I figured that she might just be scared of me again. But she'd decided to face her fear then, so she'd probably do it again now. And we had a bunch of classes together anyway, so I was going to spend time with her. I tried to reconnect with her with things I remembered her liking. Some of them worked, like talking to her about computer games. Or video games more broadly. But others didn't work, and I didn't understand why until later. Like, one of her favorite things to do when we were little was to play doctor when I had the hiccups and give me examinations. I never minded that, but when I asked if she'd like to do that again, she nearly exploded. I knew it wasn't really age-appropriate, but that still didn't make any sense to me until I learned about her hiccup fetish.

"Even though she acted differently, she was still the same Susanna Jane Butler I remembered. She'd get between me and anyone who tried to give me shit about my hiccups. Actually, she wouldn't let people give me shit about anything, even when I was the one who was wrong. That's something I still feel like I have to be careful about; not letting her act like I'm always right. Or convince me of that. When I say that I'm always right, I'm mostly being facetious, but there's a part of me that really believes it. And I think there's a part of her that really believes it too.

"She was really serious about catholicism still and got into arguments all the time with people about gay marriage and abortion. She's really embarrassed about that now. I was sort of able to guide her away from that. For the abortion thing, I ended up finding out that restricting access doesn't actually decrease the number of abortions that happen. Since she actually thought it was about wanting people to not kill babies, that made a huge difference to her, and it got her started changing her mind. Gay marriage was harder because there's nothing objective or numbery about that. It was also harder because she's gay, so I think she figured that if it was something about her, that something was probably bad. It's fucked up. Telling her I was bisexual didn't help. It just made her try to convince me to only ever date men and tell me I was lucky I had that option." Olivia frowned. "Susanna can be a real asshole when she gets envious of people."

"Jesus. So she was way fucking worse in high school." Imagining her like that, I knew I would have hated her fucking guts. "Uh, not that I'm not happy you did, but why the fuck did you keep hanging out with her?"

"Because she was still my best friend. I'd never had anyone who was as good a friend as her. And she was still a good friend, even if it wasn't the same as before and even if there was a lot more harder stuff than there used to be. She'd still do things like protect me from people who were mean, share her food with me, give me her sweaters when it was cold, and sing songs for me when I got overloaded. She's always been good at helping me with sensory overload. Part of it is probably that her little sister has some cognitive issues and has meltdowns kind of like mine, but she was good at it in pre-k too, so I think she might also just have always had a knack for it. Susanna's a person who always tries to do what she thinks is right. She tries way too hard a lot of the time, and when she's wrong it's really annoying and stupid, but when she's right and when she's helping people, it makes her someone really really special.

"When I learned about her hiccup thing, I don't remember exactly what set it off. It seemed like nothing to me. Susanna would probably remember it better. But at some point in junior year, Susanna flipped out when I tried to hug her, then ran off and locked herself in a bathroom. That's kind of her default panic response, I think. When I found her, she was crying. She only cried once or twice when we were in pre-k, and I'd never seen her cry in high school, so I knew that something was serious and bad. She said that I shouldn't come near her and that she was bad and evil. I told her that was stupid, and she yelled at me that that was because I didn't know the truth. So I told her that I knew that she was gay and she had a crush on me and that was fine. I was right, but, um..." It was rare for Olivia to use a filler word, and her flat face twisted into a small cringe. "That didn't help. That didn't help at all. So we fought a bunch. She actually had some grievances stored up. She doesn't do that anymore, especially not to me, because that's something I fear a lot. But she'd let small things that she felt were unfair for her to be upset about build up and they burst out. I started crying too, and crying almost always gives me the hiccups, so she came out of the stall she'd been hiding in and tried to run away, but I grabbed her and asked if she wanted me to leave her alone. She didn't say yes or no, she just screamed. And then we both got taken to the principal's office. The principal tried to get me to drink water, and she said 'That never fucking cures her you stupid piece of shit!' So she got suspended. I just got detention.

"I missed her like crazy the whole time she was away. And when she came back, I told her that. She told me that she missed me too, but that I needed to know the truth about her and she'd tell me after school. After school, we climbed to the top of a tree so we could have some privacy. Once we were there, she told me about her hiccup fetish, and she broke down crying, talking about how she'd been using me and doing bad things to me even back when we were little, and by never trying to cure me and letting me hug her while I had the hiccups, she was objectifying me and abusing me and...honestly, at some point I stopped hearing the words. Because she was saying a lot of things, but underneath it was really just 'I'm a bad person and I made you dirty' over and over and over again. So I told her that she wasn't a bad person and that she didn't make me dirty. I told her that I didn't feel like she used me, and I didn't mind if I turned her on. I even kind of liked it now that I knew about it. And I guess after that we were sort of dating.

"It didn't take me very long after that to realize I was aromantic. It was honestly a little frustrating because I knew I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't really give her the thing she wanted. I didn't know a lot about polyamory back then, so I didn't realize we had options, but I knew I couldn't give her what she'd want from a 'girlfriend,' so I told her I couldn't be that. I was really clear that we could still have sex though. It took her a while to understand that. But once we were actually fully having sex, I really liked it, and I've liked doing that with her ever since. So she's not my girlfriend and I'm not hers, but she's still my best friend. And we have sex. A lot."

"...damn." I scratched the back of my head. "I knew you two were kind of married, but that's some soulmate-type shit."

"That's stupid, but I get what you mean." I snorted. "I'm an atheist. Susanna says she is too, but she's really just an uncatholic. That's a really specific kind of thing. And to the extent that she still believes in god, I think she might believe something similar. That we might have some kind of divine connection or something. I don't think that. But I know that I love her, and I've never loved anyone else more than her. And I know that I like spending time with her more than anyone else." She took a slow, deep breath. "I've been learning that she isn't enough though. Not for me. And I'm not enough for her. And that's scary. But learning it is a good thing. Because we shouldn't just have each other. We should have other people. Other people we share, and other people who are just for us. Even if we do spend our whole lives together like I'd like to, I'm so glad that we'll have other people too. Even if I don't know who all of those are yet. So I guess what I'm saying is..." she smiled at me. A real, big, serious Olivia smile. "Thank you for being one of our first people, Maya."

Holy shit, marry me.

"No." 

I froze. "...fuck, did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah." Olivia didn't look particularly bothered, but I knew that didn't necessarily mean she wasn't.

"Shit, sorry." I rubbed my face. "Uh...for what it's worth, I didn't really mean you. I sort of meant...your relationship? That, uh...that's probably not better?"

"I don't understand what you meant, but I know that that's the kind of hyperbole you think and speak in." After an awkward moment, Olivia started talking again. "I'd like clarification on why you said that, though."

"Honestly, I'd like that too." I laughed weakly. She stared at me. Fuck, she could make eye contact hard when she wanted to. "...I'm catching feelings for you two. And when I do, that's scary, because I've kinda steamrolled people with 'em before."

"I won't let you do that to me," Olivia said without even thinking. "That might mean breaking up with you at some point, but I don't see any reason that it would as of now. And Susanna definitely won't let you do that to her."

A laugh forced itself out of me. "Yeah. I think that'd be kinda like trying to steamroll one of those fuckin' cement poles that stick out of the ground at Target. Or something."

"For now, though, I'm having fun with you." Olivia's big, real smile came back. "And I'm so glad to have someone I can talk about Susanna with for real now. So I'm really happy you like her. And I really like that she likes you back."

I shook my head and sighed. "Yeah. I like that too, Liv." I hovered an arm over her shoulders and she leaned into my side, letting me wrap her up and cuddle her. "Yeah. I like that a lot."

[greghatecrimes]

more neurodivergent headcanons:

adhd kutner

cannot ever be completely still and thus is always fidgeting with something in his hands (see: stethoscope in canon, but also: pens, stress balls, hair ties, rubber bands, expo marker, anything he can find in the outer office while they’re doing a ddx)

bad habit of interrupting people to finish their sentences for them or to say what he needs to say before he forgets it. if you’re talking to him, his brain is already three steps ahead of whatever you’re saying. he tries really hard to not interrupt during ddxes and when talking to patients and sometimes it takes a lot of energy

can’t use those squishy stress balls because he fidgets so much that it’ll break open in less than an hour. has definitely accidentally broken one while working in the diagnostics outer office and gotten the water inside all over paperwork foreman was doing (and house thought it was hilarious)

i bet adhd medication was his savior in med school. needed it to help him function in classes/be able to pay proper attention

inevitably doodles (without realizing it) on any paperwork he’s given to sign or fill out

uses his foot to tap out the rhythms of songs stuck in his head when he’s working in the lab. sometimes does a lil dancey dance when he gets really into it

prefers red bull or monster over coffee unless the coffee is ridiculously sweetened

constantly losing his phone in the funniest places (the office fridge; leaves it on a patient’s bedside table; forgets it in the MRI room, etc.)

loves to stim by making goofy/funny faces

His apartment abides by the rules of “organized chaos” thanks to The Pile Method. Definitely has an ADHD doom drawer he hasn’t opened in like three years

Loves socks. Always wearing socks with a cool or funny pattern on them and usually never wearing a matching set.

neurodivergent/autistic thirteen

keeps her hair tied back, or curls it and uses a ton of hairspray, to avoid touching it. (she runs her fingers through her hair or twirls it as stimming and grounding when she’s anxious, and she wants to hide that she does that when she’s around other people)

became an absolute master at sarcasm and banter in high school (to always have the upper hand in conversation)

is constantly analyzing the conversation, tone of voice, expressions, and mannerisms of her coworkers and others around her, and tracking the patterns she notices. she’s so used to it that it’s an automatic/instinctive process for her by the time she gets a job as one of house’s fellows

in college, purposely sought out alcohol and weed on her own time in order to build up her tolerance and get used to the feeling. that way when she gets drunk or high around other people, she can be reasonably intoxicated and fit in with the group while also still being in control and staying cool and detached.

knows kutner is adhd, and keeps a spare hairtie on her that she can “accidentally leave on the table” when kutner needs something to fidget with

Prefers the sensory feel of tighter clothes on her lower body and looser clothes on her upper body. Only likes tight clothes on her upper body if the fabric is thin, it’s short sleeved, and it’s not restrictive to her movement

Gets headaches/sore scalp when she wears her hair up too much. keeps it in looser ponytails at work to lessen the pull, and uses scrunchies to put her hair up at home.

Loathes socks. She wears only the lowest cut no-show socks, the kind that are even invisible with sneakers like converse or vans. rips off said socks the moment she steps into her apartment after work.

Prefers to be organized and makes sure everything has a set place for the sake of convenience. Doesn’t always have the energy or motivation to put things back in their set place (probably because masking is exhausting)

[axelberry]

Tell us about your oc area :)

Well I don’t have a oc named area I DO have my oc rea.

She’s just a little 11 year old girl. Incredibly intelligent too much for her own good. However she lives in very… tense home life and is often constantly paranoid. She is always studying ways she could take advantage of someone to protect herself if things ever were to go south.

She has in fact held Dr two brains at (ray) gun point to force him to fight aganist his mouse brain.

She’s heavily and I MEAN HEAVILY based of me as a child. She even has one of my childhood plushies.

She is autistic but no one seems to suspect it. (Haha ptsd effects children different)

My sona is just rea but transitioned (I’m a trans boy) and in high school.

She loves ponies and princesses she will only draw princesses and ponies.

Shes mulit talented, a gifted kid. Which often leads her to be extremely stressed. She can sing, draw, and is highly intelligent both academically and emotionally intelligent.

She often wishes to be saved like a princess in a fairy tale.

She struggles a lot with spelling.

She also has the idea that she has to save people and that she has to be the best person ever if not then she’s horrible.

She has no idea how to wiggle her finger.

She make her index finger more flexible then normal by pressing too hard on a tablet screen.

Rea also has multiple different social medias that she did not get with parental permission.

Rea has very crooked teeth and often gets cuts in their mouth from her teeth being way too sharp. She has bitten other children.

She also chews on her dolls and often chews on her plushies and other toys she could put in her mouth. She likes to bite. Her toys arent in the best state mainly because she often makes them fight each other chewing on them. But some are broken for other reasons that aren’t her own doing

Rea has put her health and safety in order to prove she’s better at someone at something, a bit of a competitive girl and often feels she always has to be the best at everything but always falls short unlike Victoria best.

Rea’s mom gives full blown lectures to the stray cats that keep surrounding their apartment. Rea finds it very amusing.

Rea has eaten: clay, a coin, a single sequin, doll hands, plastic from all kinds of toys, play dough, paint and paint water, plush fur, corners of a paper, and a bit of a glue stick.

Rea often likes to think about easy it is to murder someone if you gather enough information on them (she also believes she could murder people so much better then actual criminals).

She will never use this information she just likes to challenge her thinking.

Rea is a very sneaky child, she has a tendency to hide things from adult figures, like if she took something from them and such, or just plain lying and hiding secrets

Rea hates fortnite but loves among us and even has a plush among us.

Rea is a border in the making she keeps all the boxes her dolls come in and says she eventually plans to make something with them (she never does).

Rea often has nightmares where she’s a villain. She has a deep fear of eventually becoming a villain and is extremely paranoid about it, over analyzing her every action.

She doesn’t use her ability to “hush” people because she feels it’s too mean and it’s also overstimulating for her.

She was once in a fight with a high schooler, no one but she got a black eye.

She doesn’t know her times tables and never will.

Shes stupidly athletic, despite unknowingly being very ill she tried out for every single sports team at her school. Her jaw now pops more often due to being hit with a softball.

All she wants to be is a little princess in a safe environment.

She and Becky used to be friends but they drifted off, she found wordgirl’s secret identity embarrassingly quick and taught Becky how to lie. She keeps a promise to hide wordgirl’s identity to this day bur avoid stuff wordgirl related and doesn’t like talking about her.

In a roleplay me and @justadoodle0 are doing she’s been taken out her neglectful and dangerous home to stay with Dr two brains as found family.

She has infact pointed a ray gun at herself, it was not for any purpose other then make herself larger for the hell of it.

Rea is very protective of her stuff, she despises sharing especially when sharing attention.

Rea instead of going home like she was supposed to instead ran away and promptly got lost as shit, the police were involved and Dr two brains had such a fun time <3

Her only two friends are a puppet from the 1700s named mora (oc by @adry_the_deadbeat on discord) and a girl who frankinsteined herself named Frankie (oc by @justadoodle0)

She is incredibly weak and has bad blood circulation which makes her uncomfortably cold all the time.

She is sassy only when she feels safe enough to do so.

She had bit Dr two brains during one of his mouse brain takeovers to knock a ray gun out of his hand and that’s when she held him at gun point.

She in the middle of the night took one of two brains ray guns and hid it in case things went south when the police were called when she went missing and stayed with two brains.

She has a pocket knife she stole.

The cat plush is the one rea has, her name is snowball and I’ve had her since childhope. And have some doodles off her!

[drop-dead-dropout]

NEW USERNAME local-queer-disappointment -> drop-dead-dropout

unpinning my other post because i want to talk a little about me and this space that i've created! hi i'm alex and i dropped out of high school twice lol

i think a dni is stupid because people never listen anyways, which is why i haven't had one, but i still see the value in at least telling people who this little corner is for.

also YELL AT ME ON DISCORD I'M woahits_alex.mp3 IF U ASK ME ABOUT FIC RECS FOR MY FANDOMS I'LL CRY WITH HAPPINESS

anyways opinion stuff under the cut. you don't have to read it, and you don't even have to listen if you do, but i might argue with you (<- serial arguer) so if you want to avoid the Discourse here ya go.

you are welcome here:

- ALL queers. trans men, trans women, nonbinary, intersex, poc queers, xenogender, "contradictory" labels like mspec gays/lesbians lesboys/turigirls/sapphileans (omg it's me!!), slur reclaims, detransitioners (who are not transphobic), mspec lesbians, aro/ace and all variations thereupon, unlabeled, questioning, etc. i love all of you. i love the community that we share. we are family, whether or not some of us want to be, and exclusionism is Not Funky Fresh!!

- pro Palestine!! i don't always rb posts as much as i used to (i am scared of spreading misinformation) but i think i'll start doing that again! (don't forget your daily click guys)

- jewish people. i am specifically adding this one to say that because of the shitty Everything, i've seen a lot of concerning antisemitic stuff recently so i'm just, yk, putting this out there.

- disabilities/cluster b disorders/systems/AAC users. i am not any of these things so if i say/do something out of line please tell me! but i love you guys and you're absolutely welcome here.

- proshippers (if this bothers you block and move on)

- furries. not personally one of y'all but i think you're neat and you make cool art :]

- literally, like, anyone, as long as you're not a dick

you are not welcome here:

- terfs, transphobes, exclusionists, anti-mspec, anti-lesboy, and people who think transandrophobia is "fake" or whatever. go away i don't like you (or at least be prepared to be blocked or yelled at)

- similarly to last, anyone who starts queer infighting or hates on less visible queers/strangers who don't "look" queer, the whole "bi girl's straight bf" nonsense (i don't care if you think someone is cishet. you have no way of knowing that. let's stop hating people for immutable characteristics and start having thoughtful criticisms of people's actions thanks)

- ZIONISTS. BYE BYE

- (but also antisemites because come on now let's notttt. judiasm ≠ zionism)

- ableists, fatphobia, racists/bigots, general dickheads

- antishippers (again, you can either leave now or expect to be argued with)

other general stuff:

- i accept anonymous asks! and also non anonymous ones. ask me shit idk

- i am autistic and VERY gullible. if i reblog a "bait" post, or something that's clearly fake or a joke with a genuine reaction, i'm probably not playing some 5d irony chess i'm probably just stupid. sorry y'all i'm trying :\

- i don't rb nsfw. not as, like, a rule, i just don't see the value in doing so lol. if i ever did i'd tag it and probably update this

UPDATE: thought i should clarify, i don't rb nsfw but i do rb nsfw humor, like dick jokes and stuff. hope there's no confusion

- i argue with people!! i enjoy arguing with people!! usually it's in replies and not reblogs but still. if you are allergic to stuff like that maybe don't follow me? i also rb "discourse" posts, mostly transmasc support stuff and callouts of transandrophobia, general solidarity stuff with the trans community or lgbt community as a whole, proship stuff, politics, current events, that kinda thing.

- this is, shockingly, supposed to be a fandom blog! (i got carried away; i always do.) current fandoms include: ace attorney (the one this blog was supposed to be about), doctor who (childhood hyperfixation come back to bite my ass), and splatoon (no excuse). also mha is basically my abusive boyfriend stockholm syndroming me to stay at this point but i'm trying to get better (not). you can find the records of my failing recovery at @alex-is-losing-sleep-over-krbk /hj (i also sometimes shamelessly rb this blog's posts over there lol)

and i guess since i'm mentioning fandoms, here are my fav ships: wrightworth, klapollo, franmaya, thoschei, pearlina, agent 24, & cuttletavio.

anyways, that's about it. love you all :]

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi ! I am diagnosed as an autistic person and today, well yesterday I had an emotional crisis (I have trouble differentiating meltdowns, shutdowns and burnouts so that’s how I call it).

I am currently missing a day of high school (my class is horribly noisy) and I am trying to recover and I was wondering if foods and drinks were a good idea, like hot chocolate for example.

My mother is also going to buy headphones at least today or, if not possible, tomorrow plus adding a permission to my PAI (idk how to translate this but it’s an adaptation any student can have in France if they have a major issue or problem with something) so I can wear them in class or just leave the classroom if needed. Thank you in advance for answering, and have a good day or night !

Hi there,

I found an article talking about shutdowns and meltdowns and even how to avoid them. According to the article:

Meltdowns 

Meltdowns are often the result of situations which are highly stimulating or create high levels of anxiety which feel like they can't be escaped. When someone is in this situation their reaction is either flight, fight or freeze. If the person cannot escape that leaves two options: either fight or freeze. 

Meltdowns are similar to the fight response. 

When an autistic person is having a meltdown they often have increased levels of anxiety and distress which are often interpreted as frustration, a 'tantrum' or an aggressive panic attack. 

It's important to understand that meltdowns are not 'temper tantrums'. They are a reaction to a highly distressing situation or environment. 

While in a meltdown a person can be injurious to others or themselves because of the extreme state of anxiety their body is in. That's why it's really important to minimise the risk of this happening - both for the person and those around them. 

Meltdowns are very physically tiring and emotionally draining for the individual. This is because the person has been in a distressing situation and has had a highly adrenalised and emotionalised response. 

Shutdowns

If meltdowns are equivalent to the fight response, then shutdowns are similar to the freeze response.

They are often the result of situations with high demand in one or a few of the following areas:

social situations

situations that require a lot of thinking

lack of sleep

very emotional situations

situations that are very active or physical.

An analogy for a shutdown is like a computer trying to turn on but it can't because there isn't enough power to do so. In a shutdown an autistic person might not seem themselves because they're so overwhelmed that their focus has shifted to the basic functions. As they are at a reduced ability to process what is going on they may struggle to communicate as they normally do, which can mean they are mute or have a lot of difficult forming coherent sentences.

How to help prevent meltdowns and shutdowns

Preemptive planning can really help to mitigate against triggers that might lead to a meltdown. 

For example, you can reduce anxiety related to uncertainty about certain situations by providing information about what to expect in advance - such as a visual timetable or agenda.  

Another way to reduce the likelihood of a meltdown is to create environments that don't overwhelm the senses. For example, allowing children and young people to wear ear defenders in noisy rooms or dimming the lights to create a less harsh ambience. 

It can be very difficult and distressing to support someone during a meltdown, so knowing what to do in advance is key.

The best way to find out what causes someone to have a meltdown is to ask them or someone who knows them well.

The best remedy for a shutdown is giving the person the space to rest, recuperate and recover without placing additional demands on them. A shutdown can be like a reset for an autistic person.

The article will be below:

[lavender-teardroplettes]

did you even read the doc? YOUR the one making it all about autism when that wasn't the case at all and its so fucking rude to say "where is your empathy" to cutiesigh when she(? i’m not sure of the pronouns) lost a loved one as well and had Winndy do the exact same thing to her. why don't you ask Winndy where her empathy was when she "dropped paragraphs on cutiesigh after she lost her cousin?" Winndy slandered the community first by saying bad things about the community in the server. your pov is very biased to me and people like us shouldn’t be commenting on it if we weren’t in the server to begin with. respect everyones privacy in the matter and respect Winndy not wanting us to turn thins into a massive deal. she's dealing with a lot right now and all your doing is stirring drama and using her misfortune to your advantage. so grow the fuck up and stay out of this and respect Winndy's wishes while your at it.

Hiya- I was given permission by Winndy to say my piece after a back and forth of me not being able to get this in before the responses were made and I only made alterations after Saint made her doc. I read it 4 times over because it’s long with the inclusion of me reading Saints first response to Winndy in full around 3 times before the unedited version came out in response to Winndy’s response so I could have context on the situation.

Whether you like it or not- Winndy can not change the fact that they’re autistic and that this is a cycle many people with ASD/AUAD have faced and will still continue to face not only irl but also in online spaces- I’ve grown up with it, that’s why I have the words to call this cycle out. Yes- there are other issues that ARE being addressed, but I can’t blatantly ignore the fact that people with REAL LIFE struggles relating to this are being told to shut up when we bring up our grievances. I ask where is your empathy as someone who has not only lost family- but lost someone who wasn’t even family to me but was close enough to be a father figure because he not only was a classmate’s father- but my teacher. Losing him hurt me so bad, I can only imagine how his sons and daughter felt- how his wife felt who never retired from teaching the high school I went to afterwards. Saying ���well they did it first so nyehhh!!!” doesn’t make it better, Winndy acknowledges that she should have handled it better when she was a MOD coming to the server owner with concerns, and I don’t see how you can’t take that situation and use it to better communication going forward to avoid another situation like what happened with last year. I’m sorry, but that’s how I see it. You don’t have to be happy with it and are more than able to just block me.

Btw- hope you like being on anon. 👍🏽 I can tell you’re mad with what I have to say, but, again, telling me to “grow up” because I gave my opinions and insight as someone who didn’t know I was autistic until I was an adult doesn’t make you any better, really. There are obvious things that are being overlooked and I’ve always stated that sometimes I just can’t hold my tongue. Again, the block button’s free. ✌🏽

[strawbrygashez]

Fillmore headcanons because I love him 👽🛸

•Autistic & ADHD

•When he was little he actually was really scared of aliens and all those ‘serious’ conspiracy theories he saw on TV but somehow ended up becoming fondly obsessed with them. He does overplay it in front of others for the lols but he genuinely does believe in a lot of what he says.. it’s weird.

•Used to self h*rm by cutting and burning himself. Now when he burns himself it’s more than likely an accident because he’s seriously clumsy.

•Speaking of being clumsy, his hands are usually shaking and he forgets how lanky he is sometimes and he’s just not aware of what he’s doing with his body often. During each and every UFO group meet up, he manages to fall off his chair at least once especially when he works himself up.

•He was really lonely in high school. A lot of people avoided him basically bc of his undiagnosed mental illnesses. Pim was really the only peer of his who would listen to his stories in awe instead of telling him to shut up or calling him a freak. (Even though Pim definitely doubted some of what Fillmore told him, Pim never was rude to him. He was happy that Fillmore seemed happy to be able to talk about his interests without being shut down for once)

•He loves cheesy horror movies. While conspiracy documentaries certainly get his attention, he secretly prefers old horror movies with bad effects, dialogue and all that good stuff because it lets him shut his brain off for a bit.

•He’s quick to jump to conclusions in situations not even involving the paranormal and whatnot. Like if one of the club members had to leave a bit earlier than usual he’s like “Oh. Okay. You probably hate me and that’s why you’re leaving. goodbye.” 💀 It’s fairly easy to explain to him what’s actually going on though.

Kinda going along with this, he can be pretty blunt even to strangers.

•I think it would be interesting if he lived in a little trailer home on farmland or something.. while his friends are in the city.

•He texts like he’s scene. Yknow like 0_o xD (^_^) xP :P >_>

•He has horrible hand writing. Part of it’s due to his shaky hands but also he just likes to make his writing huge for some reason.

•I dunno why but I just see him being a blanket hog. Or just owning tons of blankets. Like if you knocked at his door, he’d probably come to it with 3 blankets wrapped around him. He gets cold easy.

•He rarely eats actual meals. For the most part he just snacks or heats up TV dinners unless a friend offers to cook something for him.

•He has a staring problem.

•He loves setting things on fire. He’s tossing basically whatever he can get his hands on into the little fires they make sometimes during meetings. He’ll also just watch the flames for hours if no one interrupts him.

•Not the biggest fan of Charlie since he reminds him a lot of the kids who would tell him to shut up growing up :/ but since he’s important to Pim, he’ll put up with Charlie’s complaints.

•Okay this last one is gonna be Gnarly/Fillmore because I wanna have some fun.. I shared before I think they went to school together and that Fillmore has/had a crush and blah blah blah. Anyways, in present time, if he sees Gnarly in public (before they maybe become friends again or more) he basically straight up follows him around a bit 💀 and tries to make conversation. Even if Gnarly is only giving vague replies like “uh-huh”, he’s still bothering him. He’s fidgeting with his own hands while trying to keep Gnarly engaged. He really wants Gnarly to like him because he thinks he’s so cool :,)