#also im still traumatized from what my friend did | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluem1lls · 18 days ago

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HIII!! If it's not a bother, can you maybe write headcanons for toxic!Se-Mi with a naïve!reader? No rush or anything

✧₊⁺ i'm addicted to you

✦ synopsis: how can the person that makes you the happiest be also the one that makes you the most miserable? ✦ content: MINORS DNI, toxic!se-mi x naive!reader, cheating, angst, a bit of smut ✦ authors note: hiiiiii!! tysm for ur request!! i hope u like it!!!

⠄⠂☆ listen. it was your fault. you smiled too much and too often at her, haven't you heard her reputation?

⠄⠂☆ it all started like a normal friends to lover.. relationship? to you, everything she did was magical and romantic.

not to your best friend tho.

"she's cheating. i don't know how you don't see it?" you stared with your big doe eyes as you shook your head no.

"she says she loves me, you don't cheat on someone that loves you"

"you're dumb if you think she's only fucking with you, clearly she's not even ready to be in a relationship!"

"she said she had a traumatic experience with ex-relationships before! that's why she didn't asked me to be her girlfriend yet"

and she stares at you as she sighs.

⠄⠂☆ se-mi does NOT let you touch her phone. she tells you that she's afraid of her phone breaking because she has too many memories with her grandma there:( ?????? and you believe her ???????? she actually means 'nudes from other girls' btw..

⠄⠂☆ you're so down bad she's literally screaming it to your face. ur blind tho..

lover<3: hey babe

lover<3: this urs?

[lover<3 attached an image]

no.. i dont own any red lingerie???

me: oh. it's not.

me: se-mi?

lover<3: fuck, i was fighting with my sister. it's hers, i hate when she leaves her shit on my room :(

it's not. she doesn't have a sister.

you believe her tho.

me: ohh hshshdj, you scared me:(

lover<3: i only have my girl ;)

she doesn't. she says that to every single one of her girls.

⠄⠂☆ she gets bored eventually and leaves you. and you're sobbing and asking for an explanation but all she gives you it's a quick:

lover<3: its not u its me. promise. ur just 2 much sometimes and i think we should just see other people :)

lover<3: it wasnt that serious tho, we weren't dating

lover<3: but im down if u still want my fingers inside of u hshdj

⠄⠂☆ you block her. although you end up unblocking her at night, texting her you'll let her be more free.

but she's rancorous, so she blocks you for almost 2 weeks. wants to leave her girl yearning a little..

⠄⠂☆ until she checks your Instagram, and your last post is a girl hugging you from behind and a picture of this girl holding a coffee cup.

what the fuck???? who's that bitch???

naaah shes unblocking you and spamming your phone REAL fast until you answer.

se-mi: what the fuck???

se-mi: fucking answer

[missed call from se-mi]

se-mi: im so fr if u dont pick up rn ill go get u, ik that coffee shop

[missed call from se-mi]

⠄⠂☆ the amount of calls she left are ridiculous, when you decided to pick up your phone to text your mom you're like ????

me: oh! hi!

me: its my best friend! we're hanging out a bit, she said i looked a bit down since u blocked me....

se-mi: i dont believe u

se-mi: if shes ur best friend leave her and come over

se-mi: i miss you so much princess

⠄⠂☆ and you fall.

there you are, you left your best friend to go ride her cock.

she fucks you so good it's disgusting how much of a whore it makes you

"fuuuck" she moans as she sees you squirm while riding her black strap. your tits bounce and your nails scratch her back, your head thrown back from pleasure.

"s-soo deep" you whimper, cock drunk.

"yeah? bet no one fucks you like i do baby" she says, slapping your face as your eyes roll back from how deep she is.

it's true tho. no one does.

⠄⠂☆ when you actually get serious and decide to finish things off??? like you for real have an entire speech and everything, you've talked to your best friend, you've decided you two are no longer gonna fuck, you practiced, you have literally done it all??

there she is, on your fucking door with your favorite flowers, a necklace with her initial on it (you talk too much about taylor swift and that one song), she even set up a picnic date???

she's being so romantic

and you just can't bring yourself to do it.

⠄⠂☆ and then everything is back to normal.

me: can we see eachother today??

se-mi: idk

me: oh, thats fine! tomorrow maybe? we could go tooo a picnic date again!

se-mi: uhh ill see, idk

⠄⠂☆ she can't btw. she already has a hookup for tonight and she's gonna be soo tired from it tomorrow.

⠄⠂☆ and finally on thursday, she goes to your house!

and everything is so good again, sex is amazing and she falls asleep right after, worn out.

and a lot of messages start popping.

the dumbass doesn't even hide the notifications, so you open one.

em: need u so so bad daddy

[em attached an image]

em: missing ur fingers. make me beg??

⠄⠂☆ and when she's awaken by your sobs, she doesn't even have to ask what happened. she knows.

"baby, let me fix it. please" she begs as you keep sobbing. "princess please, you're just being a cry baby. we'll be fine."

she rolls her eyes as she kneels, besides you.

"hey, it didn't meant anything to me, i swear"

⠄⠂☆ and then you actually kick her out??? she's speechless.

⠄⠂☆ you don't talk to her for one day, a week?? what the fuck is wrong with you??

⠄⠂☆ and just when you think you're doing better...

[se-mi attached a video]

se-mi: you're missing out ;)

"you're such a good girl" se-mi says, the video shows her spanking a girl as the blonde moans, in all fours.

"my pretty girl" she uses your nickname on her as she thrusts. you bite your lip to try and hold the tears.

she's disgusting.

⠄⠂☆ and another week goes by. she actually begins to.. miss you? like.. not enough to stop fucking around, but she's only fucking girls that look like you!

hey! at least she can only cum if she thinks it's you eating her out instead of them!

⠄⠂☆ and it's been a month, and she still texts you. but you don't reply.

good girl!

until you meet someone new, and she's beautiful, and she's so nice, and she actually treats you like a person? she has time for you and it's not only night hang outs???

so you give her a chance, and you were so right!

until the sex comes.

and everything is soft, gentle and caring.

and you fucking hate it.

⠄⠂☆ so much, that you answer that text.

se-mi: is it true??? ur fucking w her??

se-mi: istg if i find out you have a new girl im gonna fuck ur brains out in front of her baby

se-mi: you know you can't live without me

se-mi: you're my girl

me: come over tn

se-mi: wait-

se-mi: ur fr??

⠄⠂☆ and you're so for real.

she's making your brain all fuzzy as she tightens the grip on your throat while you're riding her.

she pushes you into bed and thrusts into you until you become putty in her hands. she's pouding so hard your eyes roll back.

and she fucks you dumb, because no one can do it like she does.

and the tears fall, but you don't know if it's because she's doing it so good or because you know she won't be here in the morning.

and it's so intoxicating that you're coming undone on her cock.

⠄⠂☆ and now we start all over again.

#se mi x reader #player 380 x reader #se-mi x reader #player 380 #se-mi #se mi #squid game #squid game 2 #lesbian #se mi squid game #wlw

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eddiesghxst · 1 year ago

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ohhh the post about eddie masturbating in the bathroom was AMAZING AHHH!!

could i request something where nancy, robin, jonathan, eddie & reader are having a sleepover at steve’s & when everyone’s asleep eddie & reader get all handsy, so she jerks him & then rides him, trying to be quiet because they’re still in the same room as the others (robin sleeps with steve in his bed & jonathan, nancy & the two of you on the ground on mattresses) but at some point they move it to the bathroom just a few doors down.

in the end, steve gets woken up & catches them in the bathroom because they accidentally left the door open but they don’t notice so steve just goes back to bed traumatized for life💀😩

sorry it’s a bit long i just LOVE your writing!!

because i won't be able to get the next part of price of fame up this week, here is some spooky slut action to tithe <3

ALSO, im so sorry it took me forever to write this BUT THANK U STINK, i changed a few things around, i hope u don't mind, but here u gooo!

18+ — MINORS DNI

————

It’s wrong.

What you and Eddie are doing is so wrong.

It's gross and something you would probably scrunch your nose at and fake a gag if anyone ever told you they did it. But fuck, you’d be lying if you said it isn’t turning you on to no end— Eddie’s fingers working you towards your first orgasm as your nails dig into his thighs to keep you grounded as you try to remain quiet for your sleeping friends.

The older half of the gang decided to pull a spooky night at Steve’s place, ‘This is strictly rated-R, shitheads.’ Steve explained when the younger half tried to join in. You’d all settled into Steve’s comfy basement after a long week and ran through A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Carrie, and endless junk food and beers before everyone slowly began to tap out.

Jonathan was the first to fall asleep, and once Nancy noticed, she went ahead and moved them to the bigger couch, where she inevitably dozed off as well. Robin was next, claiming she could feel her arteries clogging up with the amount of sugar you’d all ingested and, ‘If I die, it better be in my sleep, not watching shitty horrors with you three idiots.”

And then it was just you, Eddie, and Steve.

One thing about Eddie is when the lights go down in a room, and he’s next to you, hands will roam. Fingers will grab and squeeze at skin, caress and provoke goosebumps across your arms, and eventually sneak into sensitive areas— and it doesn’t matter who else is in the room.

You already knew where things were going when you felt Eddie’s cool rings press into the warm skin of your thigh. You had just begun the fourth movie of the night, Ghostbusters, because you claimed you needed a break from the horror movies, and Eddie couldn’t wait any longer to get his hands on you. Luckily, Eddie’s wandering hands are hidden beneath the blanket you share, so Steve is clueless about the sinful actions happening across the room.

And you were able to hold off your moans and whimpers for the most part, but Eddie was getting mean with it. Two fingers dipping in and out of your wet cunt at a painfully slow and agonizing pace that had your legs quivering. He occasionally curves his fingers up to brush up against your spot, teeth digging into his lip to hide the groan of pain when your nails dig deeper into his skin— he’s sure you’ll leave a mark. And you were doing good.

You were doing so good.

Until Eddie added a third finger, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Fuck sweetheart, you get any wetter than this, and I might have to fuck you now,” with an added swirl of his thumb over your clit, and you were done for.

You moan unexpectedly loud and pathetic, and anybody with common sense would know what the two of you are doing. The sweaty palm of your hand slaps over your mouth as your eyes widen in surprise, gaze snapping over to where Steve is laid back in the La-Z-Boy recliner, and from this angle, with Steve’s chair turned towards the TV, you can only see his full head of fluffy brown hair.

You don’t want to risk it, you think. So, you curl your fingers around Eddie’s wrist and pathetically tug, “Steve,” You whisper, alerting Eddie that maybe this isn’t a good idea.

But Eddie only nuzzles his face into your neck and quickens the pace of his fingers, reveling in the soft gasp you let out as he whispers in your ear, “He’s asleep.”

You look to where Steve is sitting again, wearily searching for any signs that he might still be awake, but to your favor, you find none— and maybe you ignored the small moment where Steve shifted, but between the overwhelming feeling of Eddie’s breath on your neck and the toe-curling sensations he’s bringing between your thighs, you can’t seem to care anymore.

“I’m close,” you rush through a whispered breath, hips tilting up to meet his skilled actions. “Yeah?” He nips at your ear, and you whimper, eyes shutting. “You gonna cum on my fingers? In front of our friends, honey? You’re dirtier than I thought,” He teasingly growls the last part, licking behind your ear before sucking the tip between his lips. You pant his name, this time loud enough to cause Eddie’s hand to slap over your mouth.

“As badly as I wanna hear those pretty moans of yours, sweetheart, you need to be a little more quiet,” He whispers. You nod as best as you can, drool smearing over Eddie’s palm as you roll your hips against his palm as quietly as you can.

“Come on, baby,” Eddie encourages, calloused fingers digging into your cheeks, “Want you to cum all over my fingers like the desperate little slut you are.”

Your legs quiver at that, eyes rolling back as you begin to teeter over the edge. “Gonna take you upstairs after this so I can fuck you real good. Split you open nice and wide on my cock; you want that?” He hums, slinking his hand down to squeeze at your jaw and turn your head to where his lips catch yours as he speaks. You nod desperately and pathetically, and Eddie smiles, licking across your lips once before your eyes squeeze shut, and the dam finally breaks.

Eddie presses his lips against yours to silence your noises, which go unheard with the help of the movie playing. Eddie can feel you squeezing and pulsing around his fingers, and his cock jumps at the thought of what’s to come after he drags you out of this fucking basement.

Eddie kisses you throughout your climax, fingers gently guiding you through the hurricane of pleasure until you push him away with a whisper, “S’too much.”

Eddie lets you have it, removing his fingers from you with a lewd squelch that reaches his ears, pulling his hand out to hold it up in front of you. His fingers glisten under the TV light with your slick coating his knuckles, some dripping down onto his rings. You watch with lust-hooded eyes as he brings the soaked digits to his lips, making a show of licking up the length of them and swallowing every drop. Your cunt throbs, and you shift as his eyes meet yours.

And you don’t have to say anything because you already know, and before you know it, you’re dragging Eddie up the basement stairs with a racing heart and an aching center.

But what neither of you knows is Steve has been awake the entire time.

#HIIIII #IM ALIVE #FEELING SPOOKY AND SLUTTY #eddie munson x reader #drabble #eddie munson #eddie x reader #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fluff #eddie x you

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homeofhousechickens · 5 days ago

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Can I talk about something serious. I want to talk about some shared trauma I think me and some of the people in my askbox might share.

If you have experienced something similar feel free to give your thoughts.

Content warning for animal death and child and animal abuse.

I see a lot of people who say they couldn't raise an animal and eat it because they have this horrible memory where their family got them a pet or maybe they just got really attached to a specific farm animal that was or wasnt destined to be killed then at a later date their family either kills the animal in a traumatic inhumane fashion and makes the kid eat it or they sneakily cull the animal then feed it to the kid then go "haha your eating your friend" (horrific to do that to someone btw)

I'm not talking about meat chickens that you named and knew where going to be eaten either but it's also ok if that made you sad as well. It should make you sad it's normal.

What im talking about is when you have a favorite cow and your family knows this, then they go out into the field and shoot her in the head because you backed talk them. Or maybe you're really attached to a specific rabbit, you name it, and your family says you can keep it till one day your family gets mad at you so they cull it and make you eat it.

I want to say that your experience is awful and that you were abused. You are justified in feeling hurt and your trauma is valid.

The sad fact of the matter is your family didn't do that to teach you about death or your food or whatever. It is likely your family did that because they want wanted to cause you emotional pain on purpose. That's why the event usually happens after a bad grade or a you misbehaved a bit. Of course it can come out of nowhere as well because someone was feeling bored and wanted to teach you a "lesson".

There is no excuse for what they did to you, it was cruel.

This has nothing to do with farming or with livestock. I have realized it isn't uncommon for people who went through that to then decide all farmers are evil animal abusers who kill animals on a whim.

Unfortunately abusers exist in all facets of life. If it wasn't your pet horse/goat/cow/ect they likely would have constructed a situation where they could have traumatized you with some other animal if you were the type of child to get attached to animals.

I'm really sorry about this stuff. It doesn't really matter what animal it was either because this happens to all sorts of people from different backgrounds. Maybe your mom threw bleach in your fish tank, for example. It's all still pretty horrific abuse.

What Im getting at is that you're valid in feeling uncomfortable about death and raising animals for food. It just doesn't make the people doing those things evil or the same as your abusers.

To me raising my animals is just the part of the circle of life, which is something I think a lot of people are really far removed from. I help raise something, i treat it very well, and when the time comes i give them a quick and humane death. I never cull something when I'm feeling emotional or angry. I just extremely grateful and thankful for the animal and what it has done for me and will continue to do for me even in death. I think that's beautiful and nothing like the horrible "lesson" that so many others were taught.

#serious #cw child abuse #cw animal abuse #cw animal death

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princess-luvvv · 29 days ago

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A GOLD RING AND COLD FEET

Rafe Cameron x fem!exgirlfriend!reader

A/N: (This is lowk 4.3k words I’m sorry) Hey guys lol I literally do not know what I’m doing help. I did not proofread idek how to work this app so if this sucks just don’t tell me bc this thing is the biggest pain in the ass lol. Like I am so genuinely sorry I’m such a grandma. Also this is what I listened to while writing this so feel free to listen as well :)

WARNINGS: AUTHOR CANT FIGURE THIS APP OUT, there’s no smut (not going to traumatize you guys with my brain on the first post), girl reader, marriage (basically the whole theme), cheating (sort of from reader but like it’s fine), ermmm just bad writing im sorry lol. Just a man yearning (like good). Okay Im sorry byeee.

14 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE BRIDAL SHOWER

Rafe Cameron was going to be the death of me. I knew it.

We had dated for 7 years. He asked me out when we were 14 after knowing each other since we were 6. He broke up with me when we were 21. He said he “couldn’t be tied down in his 20s”.

After that I thought I was completely broken. I had never even imagined loving anyone else - having to love someone else.

But here I was. 14 days away from my wedding to a man I didn’t love. A part of me felt like such an asshole. Marrying a man who I knew I’d never love. But Jackson had his faults. He raised his voice too much. He never opened my door…not since our third date at least. He worked all the time. He regularly forgot important events like anniversaries and birthdays.

We started dating 10 months, 1 week, and 4 days after Rafe broke up with me.

Even though most people said it was time to move on it still felt too soon to me. 3 years later and it still feels too soon sometimes.

But here I am. At my bridal shower. Wearing a silver ring when I haven’t touched a piece of silver jewelry since I was 9.

I was opening gifts when only one remained. A small black box with no tag attached.

“Who is this one from?” I ask the crowd of giddy women surrounding me. They all share confused looks. Shrugging and comments like “It’s not mine” falling from their lips. This only furthered my confusion as I opened the box.

I gasped.

Inside was a beautiful - gold - ring. It was my dream ring.

“Oh my gosh it’s just beautiful!” My best friend Grace said.

“Jackson must have picked it out for you since yours is missing.” Grace says causing me to furrow my brows.

I looked down to my left hand and noticed the absence of my ring.

Since when was that gone?

“Oh yeah…I guess he did.” I smile and tuck the box away. Making a mental note to ask Jackson later. Even though I knew he didn’t get it for me, a part of me hoped.

As my friends went on and on about how beautiful this wedding would be and how happy they were…I couldn’t help but wish their joy was infectious.

At least someone is excited right?

12 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: BACHELORETTE

I was sitting in an expensive restaurant in downtown Charleston sipping a cocktail I’m pretty sure costs more than my salad. Jackson and I had decided to have our Bachelorette/Bachelor parties in the same city in case anything happened. He was out having a guys night while I was out with my girls. I hadn’t had this much fun doing anything wedding related well ever.

“It’s not a coincidence that you think that and Jackson isn’t here” a little voice inside my brain taunts me. But I push it down. Along with the bile rising in my throat. From the alcohol or the impending commitment of forever to a person who I know I don’t love - which, I’m not sure.

“How are you babe?” My friend Ava says as she turns her entire body to face me. I was tracing shapes on the condensation on the outside of my barely touched drink while I tuned out the rest of the chatter.

“I’m wonderful how about you Ava?” I smile and meet her eye. She gives an unconvinced smile and repeats her question: “Come on. How are you really? Cold feet? We can get on the next flight out of America just say the word.” She says with a laugh. And I know she’s joking but part of me is screaming “YES!” Inside of my head.

I laugh and shake my head.

“No cold feet. Just lukewarm maybe.”

Lukewarm. It’s funny cause that’s basically a word that sums up the entirety of Jackson and I’s relationship. I hadn’t felt fire, sparks, passion…any of it. Not since-

“Lukewarm is okay. Marriage is big. But…you’ll be okay.” Ava says cutting off my thoughts. And I can see her trying to hide her real feelings. She wants me to talk to him. Not him. Him.

The him who left me in a hotel room in Key West on what was supposed to be our 8 year anniversary trip. The him who wouldn’t stop sending letters to my house. The him who sent me 127 texts and 87 voicemails since last Tuesday. Which is apparently the day the Cameron’s wedding invitation arrived. I wasn’t going to invite them but I felt I needed to. Sarah and I were still friends and I adored Wheezie. The him who took up every inch of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself he didn’t.

LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE HOTEL…

I entered my private suite in the hotel. I had gotten my drunk pack of bridesmaids back to their rooms…well the ones that were sleeping in their own rooms tonight. I had my own room this trip. My bridesmaid Lila insisted on it in case Jackson wanted to sneak over from his hotel…that’s what she said. But I knew she secretly wanted to give me my space away from the wedding buzz and events. I was grateful for that.

Until I was not.

Because the second I opened my door and ripped off my crown that said “BRIDE” I looked up and saw a man sitting on the couch in the suites living room. His elbows resting on his large thighs as he hung his head.

He looks up when I walk in.

I should’ve been scared…but I knew exactly who it was.

I flicked on the light. “Rafe what- what are you doing here?” I say in half anger half disbelief. OBX was at least 7 hours from here.

What the hell was he thinking?

“I had to see you…” I shake my head as he stands up and walks towards me. I take a step back.

“No. No. You can’t do this to me.” He walks closer. I put out my hands. Placing them on his chest to keep distance between us.

“Please just hear me out….” He gently grips my wrists that are placed on his chest. He paused for a second. Looking into my eyes to see if I would stop him again. I let him continue.

“I know…I know I have no right to be here. No right to do this. But please just listen to what I have to say…” He sighed before continuing. “You can’t marry him. Baby you can’t….I’m begging you. He doesn’t treat you right. You know that. I have so many regrets in my life…but I’d live them all over a million times if it meant I never let you go. I regret that every breath I take.”

My eyes gloss over. His touch was so gentle unlike Jackson’s. He didn’t raise his voice at me. He didn’t do anything but love me exactly the way I wanted while also being everything I needed.

He sighs seeing my eyes tear up. “Baby don’t- don’t cry….it’s just-….I can tell you’re not happy.” He says as he wipes a tear that escaped my eyes.

“I-I’m happy…” I say weakly.

But I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince. Me or him?

He sighs. Bringing a hand up to my cheek to wipe away another tear. His hand not moving. “You’re not. I can see it. I know you…I see it in your face when you look at him. Those beautiful eyes have never told me a lie.”

“You don’t know me anymore…” another lie. He knew me. He knew me. He knew my coffee order at every coffee shop on the island. He knew my favorite songs and the lyrics to all of them. He knew my favorite movie. He knew my favorite animal.

He laughs softly in disbelief.

“I don’t know you? I know you. I know your order at every Mexican restaurant on the island. I can recite your coffee orders in my sleep. I know every word to your favorite Taylor Swift songs. Your favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast and you love the soundtrack. You love penguins and you’re a dog person. I know you baby.”

I cry harder as he recites everything about me. On surface it’s not much. Small talk topics he could’ve figured out from social media. But it goes so much deeper. He knows what makes me tick. What I need when I’m sad. How to cheer me up even through tears.

If only he could do that now…

“Does that asshole even know your favorite Jane Austen book? Huh? Does he? Cause I do. And it’s Emm-“

“Stop! Just stop Rafe! Just- just go! Why-why are you doing this me? This isn’t fair.” I say wiping my tears. I was full on crying now.

“I can’t just sit back and watch you marry someone who’s not going to make you happy. You deserve so much better. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there for you, or doesn’t treat you well. You deserve someone who treats you exactly how you deserve to be treated - like the woman I love. I know I was stupid to let you go. I was young - and I thought I wanted freedom, but I was wrong. I haven’t known a minute of freedom since you left. I miss you, I miss us. And I need you more than I need air to breathe…”

“Please. Don’t marry him. Please baby…” He’s begging now. I’ve never seen Rafe Cameron beg for anything.

“Rafe I’m-I’m getting married in 12 days I can’t-“ I cut myself off with a sob.

He pulls me against his chest. I don’t protest as I cry harder. Pretty much sobbing now.

I clutch onto the end of his shirt. “I have to marry him Rafe…”

“Why? Why do you have to marry him? You know this isn’t what you want.” He says pleading with me. Running a soothing hand up and down my back. Providing me more comfort than I’ve known all of my relationship with Jackson.

“I know.” I say softly. My voice hoarse.

“Then don’t do it. Don’t marry him. I made the wrong choice a few years ago, but I’m here now. I want you not some false pretense of freedom. I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I can give you a ring that you actually like, and a house that we build together. I’ll give you anything you want, just don’t marry him. Be with me.” I pause when he mentions the ring. I look down to the gold ring on my left hand. Silently piecing things together.

“Did you send me a new ring?” I look back up him. Brows furrowed. My face puffy from crying. When I meet his eyes I see how utterly heartbroken he looks. It breaks me a little bit.

“I-uh…yeah I did.” He says. And as he confirms my theory I step away from him. Letting out sobs as I turn my back towards him. One hand cradling my stomach as the other covers my mouth.

“Hey - hey what’s wrong. Talk to me.” He says as he walks up behind me placing a soothing hand on my shoulder letting his hands rub me gently.

“Y-you remembered the ring.” I had shown him the type of ring I wanted back when I thought we were going to get married.

I was so stupid at 20. Or maybe I was just naive.

“Of course I remembered the ring. You showed it to me a million times. I know it was your dream ring and I couldn’t bear the idea of him giving you something you didn’t actually want…” He explains with a confused expression. Not quite sure why it was hurting me so bad.

The thought that he had gotten me a ring I wanted even though he didn’t want me marrying Jackson made me want to cry…and vomit.

“I-I can’t-“ My legs give out and I drop to my knees. Rafe immediately goes down with me. Pulling me into his chest. I was now cradled in his lap as he rocked me gently while I cried.

“Please don’t cry baby….it hurts me so bad.”

That night I fell asleep in Rafes arms.

THIRD PERSON POV:

As Rafe brought her to her hotel bed and tucked her in he couldn’t help but feel the urge to get in bed and hold her as she slept. But he knew how awful she’d feel if she woke up next to him knowing she betrayed Jackson. So he left a note next to her bedside and pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaving. The words “I love you” mumbled softly as she slept.

ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE NEXT MORNING.

THIRD PERSON POV:

As Jackson walks into the hotel room of his future wife he can’t help the guilt eating at him. He brings in the takeout bags and starts to place it onto a tray.

He takes out the water and Advil he got from the pharmacy and brings it over to her bedside.

As he’s placing the hangover cure on her nightstand a paper written on hotel stationery catches his eye.

He reads through the paper.

“All my love, R.C.”

He folds up the note and places it back in his pocket before going back to the takeout bags. Ready to act as if nothing happened.

FIRST PERSON POV

I wake up with an empty feeling in my stomach. The same one I’ve had for 3 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days.

I hear someone walking around the suite and as much as I know it’s probably Jackson…a part of me hopes…

Seconds later Jackson comes into my room with a smile. Holding a tray of food.

Odd. He’s never done sweet gestures for me like this.

“Good morning my love…I thought this would help cure the hangover. I ordered breakfast from that place you like downtown. You always talk about how much you wish we had one back at home so…” As he explains his reasoning for being here the sick feeling grows in my stomach. And I wish it was hangover sickness. I felt like such crap. Here he was being so sweet to me and I cried in the arms of another man last night.

I look around the room for any evidence Rafe was here. Feeling slightly disappointed but relieved that I didn’t find anything.

“Have fun last night?” Jackson says as he picks a blueberry off my plate.

“Uh yeah….it was really fun.” I smile and lie. But he can’t tell the difference so he nods his head before getting up and kissing my forehead.

“Well I have to go into work early tomorrow so the guys and I are heading back home but…I love you.” He says. He rarely says those three words. And that itself wouldn’t be weird. We’re getting married of course we tell each other we love each other. But paired with the weird domestic wake-up I had this morning it left an icky feeling in my stomach. But I smiled and nodded. Swallowing my food before replying.

“Okay…love you too.”

TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY: THE REHEARSAL DINNER

“Have you seen my gold earrings?” I ask Jackson. Walking around our shared bathroom while he was shaving. We were getting ready for our rehearsal dinner before we left for the wedding venue in the morning.

“Which earrings?” He asks. Not pausing his movements of shaving his face.

“The ones I always-“ I huff in defeat knowing it’s no use. I’ve worn those earrings everyday for the past 9 years. They were Rafe’s 2 year anniversary gift to me.

I walk around the bedroom looking under a few things before my phone pings distracting me for a second. I walk over to it and turn the screen over to see an Instagram DM message request.

“Hey…I want to say I am so sorry to do this to you. I know you’re getting married in 2 days but there’s something you should know…”

THREE HOURS UNTIL WEDDING DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING

I was pacing around the cabin of my private room on the property of our venue.

The venue was a family owned property on the mainland. It was gorgeous. Jackson was in the cabin across the venue in the Groom’s cabin. I was staying in the Bridal lodge.

I felt nauseous. My throat felt like it was closing and the white matching way too expensive PJ set I was gifted especially for tonight felt like it was constricting my air. The cabin suddenly felt stuffy and like the walls were about to close in at any minute. I was all alone.

I pull out my phone quickly going to the only number I had on speed dial.

He picks up on the first ring - he always does.

RAFES POV

The whole day I had been sulking at home watching football and drinking whiskey. My lab Daisy sitting by my side as she watched me drown my sorrows.

Was she really going to marry him?

I had dozed off for a few hours before a phone ringing woke me up.

I look at the screen and immediately picked up.

“I need you.” I was standing up running to my shoes before the sentence was even over.

“I’m coming baby…I’m on my way just stay put okay?” Her shaky voice was breaking my heart. I grabbed my keys and made an hour long drive less than 40 minutes.

FIRST PERSON POV

I was sitting with my knees tucked to my chest. My eyes puffy and crying, sitting at the edge of the bed when Rafe barged in. He immediately dropped to his knees next to me. Pulling me into his lap. Cradling me as he rocked me back and forth.

“I’m here baby…I’m here.” He repeats the words like a mantra to ease my mind. And it does. But it doesn’t fill the pit in my stomach that seems to have taken a permanent residence.

“Talk to me baby…please you’re scaring me…” I could hear the fear in his voice. And I felt like such a dick. I called my ex boyfriend to help me the night before my wedding to another man.

I’m the worst.

“I-I’m so sorry….I didn’t know who else to call.” I get out between sobs. He shakes his head. Grabbing my face with both of his hands.

“Shhh….I just need you to tell me what you need. I’m right here. Just tell me how to help. Okay?”

How does he always know what to say? It’s ridiculous.

“I need out of this…” And at that sentence Rafe was pretty sure he could’ve cried a happy tear. But he needed to be sure.

“Out of what baby?” He knew. But he needed to know.

“You know what.” I pause before continuing. Sniffling and wiping my tears. “Jackson cheated on me. His bachelor party…she texted me the night our rehearsal dinner. She was their bartender in Charleston. But that’s not even the worst part…” I shake my head in disbelief at myself. “The worst part is I don’t even care. My fiancée cheated on me less than two weeks before our wedding. And I can’t find it in me to care.”

I knew I never loved Jackson. And that’s part of why I was marrying him. Because I knew that if I never loved him he’d never be able to hurt me…not like Rafe did at least.

I continue:

“I’m literally incapable of loving him because every inch of my heart belongs to you. And it kills me. I should be devastated right now. But- but all I can think is that I need you. And it’s so cold and you hate driving at night but this is the second time you’ve driven over an hour for me in two weeks.”

In reality it didn’t take Rafe an hour to get here. But he let me continue anyways.

“I’m terrible-“ He cuts me off.

“No. You’re perfect. I know you think you have to settle for this but you don’t. I’m not leaving you. I’ll always be here. Whether or not you get married in 12 hours I’m always going to be there when you need me. I don’t care what it is or where you are. You call and I’m there. You need me…and I’m right here baby. I’ll always be right here. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”

I look at him as he says that. And suddenly nothing about this makes sense. Why am I getting married to Jackson?

He sucks.

I stand up. Grabbing Rafes hands pulling him up with me.

“We need to leave.” I look around the room at my things. Rafe immediately nods and starts packing my things into my suitcase with me.

“Where do you need to go? I’ll take you anywhere baby. Car? Train? Plane? Boat? Fuck I’ll swim across the Atlantic for you baby.”

I pause and glance up at him from across my suitcase that we’re both knelt over. I meet his gaze. His eyes show me nothing but seriousness. Standing 10 toes behind his words. I wrap an arm around his neck and place an arm on his shoulder to steady myself as I lean in and kiss him.

He’s so taken aback but he kisses back after realizing this isn’t another one of his dreams that have felt like nightmares these past 3 years.

I pull away and he slightly sighs at the disconnect.

“Anywhere that’s not here. Just need to be with you. Please.”

2 HOURS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AN HOUR LATER ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT

I look around the room once more to make sure I have everything.

“You got everything you need baby?” He asks me and I nod.

“I’m gonna take this to the car.” I was carrying my pillow and blanket I had brought. Rafe insisted on carrying my bags. He nods but stays in his place before speaking up.

“Okay I’ll be there in a second I’m gonna take one last look around.” I nod before walking to his truck and getting inside.

THIRD PERSON POV:

Rafe pulls the object out of his pocket. Placing it on the dresser.

He grabs her bags taking one last look at the wedding dress hanging on the closet door before shutting the door behind him.

The silver ring shimmering in the moonlight sitting on the dresser where he left it.

FIRST PERSON POV

Rafe gets back in the car and looks over at me.

“If you change your mind I don’t mind-“ I cut him off.

“I’m not changing my mind. Now drive.” He smiles before putting the truck in reverse.

As we drive for a few minutes a question plagues my mind: Why didn’t he say anything the morning after the bachelorette party?

“Can I ask you something?” He glances over at me. He had a comforting hand on my thigh as he drove.

“Anything.” I smile at his answer while look at my lap before continuing.

“Why didn’t you say anything the morning after that night in Charleston? Not a text or a note or anything? I know you didn’t have to I just…hated waking up with no evidence that you had even been there.” Rafe’s brows furrow.

I did leave a note. He thought to himself.

“Baby I left a note on your dresser…didn’t you see it?” He says confused.

“No…the next morning I woke up and Jackson was…” I trailed off. Suddenly piecing everything together. Rafe seemed to as well. His grip on the wheel tightened and his jaw clenched.

“I left a note. I promise. But it’s not anything I won’t tell you to your face everyday for the rest of our lives. So don’t worry about it, pretty. Okay? I love you, baby.”

“I love you, Rafe.” And I truly meant it.

On the way to the airport we sang along to Taylor Swift songs we both knew. And suddenly the pit in my stomach was slowly being filled with laughter and the way he didn’t even ask me what I wanted when we stopped at McDonald’s.

To be loved it to be seen. And I had to have been invisible to Jackson.

23 MINUTES UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AT THE AIRPORT 11:37 PM

“Flight 237 is now boarding. This is the final call for passengers to LaGuardia Airport.”

Rafe looks at me as we get ready to board the plane.

“You ready?” He sticks out his hand. I smile at him.

“Yeah…I’m ready.” I take his hand and lean up and kiss him as we walk onto the plane.

I glance down at the gold ring on my finger. And I realize no one will ever see me as clearly and perfectly as Rafe sees me. And that’s all I could ask for.

“Hey” he looks back at me. Glancing up from his sports magazine. His brows raised waiting for me to answer.

“I love you.” I continue and smile. His gaze softens and he pulls me into another quick kiss. I hated PDA but I didn’t care. Not with him.

“I love you more than I can even describe.” He pauses before continuing. “If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.”

I don’t know a lot…but I know I’ve found my person. And everything’s okay. And for the first time in 3 years, 7 months, 4 weeks, and 2 days…I felt like I could breathe.

115 notes · View notes

sweetteainthesummerx · 8 months ago

Text

THE LOVE LASTS SO LONG (8)

In which Ollie turns 21...

series masterlist

★・・・・★・・・・ ★・・・・★

scuderiaferrari posted

scuderiaferrari Happy Birthday to the youngest driver on the grid!

tagged: olliebearman

liked by aubreyyang, charlesleclerc and 990,842 others

user1 awww everyone say ty admin

olliebearheart BABY BEARMAN ALERTT

aubreyyang ❤️🎂

olliebearman and the author liked this comment

olliebearman Thank you! ❤️

charlesleclerc happy birthday son, can't believe you're 21

-- olliebearman love u dad

-- user2 STOP MY HEART

logansargent happy birthday bro!

landonorris party hard mate 🍾

MESSAGES

aubrey

happy birthday ollie!! im so happy I met u in that paddock :) you make life more fun good luck with your next race xx

ollie

thank you aubrey :)

wish you were in Italy with me us rn

aubrey

:( me too ive been in meetings all week

but party hard!!

ollie

can't Im on a strict diet :(

also it would be more fun if u were here

aubrey

aww poor baby

I have smth that might cheer u up?

ollie

what??

aubrey

im directing a music video for a week in london...

ollie

WHENN HDI

aubrey

😭 mid July? u have a two week break then right

ollie

HIWHFEJOJFE I stopped breathing I have an idea

aubrey

OLLIE WTH WHAT

ollie

WHAT IF WE DID A EUROPE TRIP

aubrey

this might be ur greatest idea yet

ollie

no actually tho

you finish up in London and we can backpack through a few countries

aubrey

WAIT YES LETS BRING A FEW FRIENDS TOO

ollie

okay yeah sure :)

bearyfast_04 posted

bearyfast_04 confused because she sends me "xx" calls me baby but when I suggested a trip with her she asked if we should bring friends. Be honest is it over for me 🫠

liked by kimi_possible, landoakabob and 14 others

landoakabob yes.

-- leosdad NO. it is not over bring another couple (me and Alex) and it'll still be romantic

kimi_possible that picture and the quotes💀

-- bearyfast_04 how I feel fr

chililos55 still waiting for someone to fill me in

arthuranddw GET UR ACT TOGETHER (what was the context of the baby calling)

-- bearyfast_04 "poor baby"

-- arthuranddw ur cooked

-- leosdad Arthur now hes crying 😤

aubreyyang posted

aubreyyang 🇺🇸

tagged: oliviarodrigo

liked by olliebearman, iamcharliebushnell and 559,907 others

view all comments

walker.scobell pls tell me u fell out of the window

-- aubreyyang shouldn't u be at school

-- walker.scobell shouldn't u be w ur man

this comment was removed

-- user1 WE SAW THAT SCREENSHOTTED TOO

-- user2 PLS SAY SIKE im traumatized from mace

this comment was liked by dior.n.goodjohn

oliviarodrigo 🤭

-- aubreyyang love u Livy!!

olliebearmanfanpage2 pls can we get her to another race I have aubrey content withdrawals

this comment was liked by olliebearman

-- user3 AYOO they're shameless now they have to be together

f1wagsupdates posted

f1wagsupdates In recent episode of Grill the Grid, Ollie Bearman was asked what his favourite movie was and his reply was "Station 13. I watched that movie so many times when it came out" and later on when asked who his celebrity crush was as a child, he answered with the star of the aforementioned movie, Aubrey Yang. The two have been linked together more than once...all we can say is that we would love to have Yang as a wag.

liked by olliebearhearts, aubreyxloves and 17,031 others

aubreyxloves Ollie Bearman I was unfamiliar with ur game 😳

user1 he's having his tom holland moment AND IM MANIFESTING IT TOO PLSS THEYRE SO CUTE

-- olliexaubes RIGHT the way he was blushing afterwards they're so bbg coded 🤭

user2 oh to be Aubrey yang with her oscar, multiple nominations as an actress and director and a Ferrari f1 driver in love w her 😞

-- user1 low-key I dunno if I want to be her or be w her

-- aubreyyann REALL

★・・・・★・・・・ ★・・・・★

Taglist: @callsignwidow @iloveyou3000morgan @honethatty12 @taygrls

#f1 drivers #f1 smau #f1 x reader #formula 1 #ollie bearman #ollie bearman x reader #ollie bearman x you #charles leclerc #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fluff #ollie barman x female character #ollie bearman fluff #pining #friends to lovers #mutual pining #smau #f1 fic

171 notes · View notes

ricegobbler · 27 days ago

Note

Hi I happy you’re open I wonder if tfp bots and cons react to a bot who is like demencia from villainous who love destructions and chaos and is insanely crazy

TFP BOTS AND CONS REACT TO BOT WHOS LIKE DEMENCIA FROM VILLAINOUS!

GUESS WHOS BACKKKK HEHEHWHDHWJS🤪

It’s been so long I’m so fucking sorry my lovelies. Took a break from doing requests bc I’m so lazy and I got so many.

I hope yall can forgive me, you prob can’t which is understandable. Been doin a a lot of work too. I’ve been active on tumblr just haven’t been doing requests:( I still love yall and I’ll be opening requests soon when I get all these old requests done!!

Also I’ve never watched villainous so I’m so sorry if this isn’t the best!!

Anyways here you go, my lovely.💗💗

Notes: READER IS GN!! Reader is going to be called Y/N!

Warnings: killing!! And uh I think that’s it. If not pls tell me💔

——————————————————————————

AUTOBOTS:

-they’re lowk scared of them LMAO.

-like they don’t know where they came from at first. They just randomly came out killing vehicons, which did help though.

-it was Optimus, bulkhead, and bee that first encountered them. The three mechs were on a mission trying to find some energon deposits they picked up and was surrounded by vehicons who were doing the same thing as them.

-out of nowhere a vehicon was ripped in half by two servos, revealing the insanely crazy bot who was covered in energon.

-let’s just say no vehicons survived after the chaos of Y/N.

-Optimus took them in and introduced them to the others while bee and bulkhead looked kinda scared (and maybe traumatized) from the scene they saw. They knew what Y/N was capable of after all.

-luckily, they join the autobots and all is well, as crazy and insane Y/N was still pretty loyal.

-Ratchet isn’t fond of them. Another bot that’s crazy and annoying?? Ugh. He wants to join the allspark at this point. One time he muttered that to himself and Y/N heard him.

“You wanna join the allspark?? I can help you with that!” they exclaimed happily. “NO!”

-Arcee is just glad they’re an autobot, she doesn’t want another Airachnid to give her PTSD.. she thinks their antics and mischief is kinda annoying, but as long as they’re loyal and helpful then she’ll like them.

-Bee is SCARED of them. After seeing them rip open all those vehicons he might just leak some oil. But after knowing them for a bit he gets fond of them and isn’t as scared..still kinda scared tho. Y/N likes his little beeps too</3

-Bulkhead is kinda the same as Bee, but more comfortable. He likes wrecking things, and so do they! They become good friends, they remind him of Miko but in hot form and not as..deadly.

-Optimus just respects their loyalty. He does question their ways of…thinking and actions during missions, but if they help it’ll be fine..but I can see that they’ll definitely make him upset after one mission and be scolded by him, causing Y/N to die down with the chaos a bit. Either way, he likes you. Doesn’t want you to change you ways:) (he’s like a dad)

CONS:

(Im only doing Megatron, starscream, knockout, BD, and Soundwave. I’m sorry my lovelies 😞)

-scared of them too LMAO

-Knockout and starscream were doing a mission together, something about some energon deposits. They were accompanied by some vehicons as well for protection. (We all know damn well the vehicons dead. I love them tho)

-one of the vehicons noticed two F/C optics staring at them all and called them out, only to be pounced on and ripped in half by this new random bot.

-after that this new bot eventually focuses their optics on starscream and Knockout. Starscream noticed this and starts whining and screaming like a femme while Knockout and Y/N just stare at him like: “dafuq..?”

-After that..whatever it was..starscream and knockout convinced them to come along with them to the Nemesis. They get introduced to lord Megatron himself while Starscream and knockout told the warlord of their skills and what they did to the vehicons. He was impressed. So, with that they were now a con! Yayyyy!!!

-Megatron was impressed after hearing their skills. And, he dgaf abt their chaos and mischief. As long as they get their missions and duties done, they’re on his good side. (And as long as they’re loyal) he is amused at how some were afraid of them too (starscream, Knockout, and breakdown)

-Starscream lowk scared of them. He’s pathetic, but i love the lil guy. He doesn’t like going on missions with them ALONE. It’s like another Airachnid but prob worse all over again😥 kinda hates their loyalty to Megatron, be thought he could make them loyal to him when he becomes lord. (Never happened tho LMAO)

-Knockout is scared of them as well. Not as much as starscream tho. Doesn’t rlly talk to them as much, but he does compliment their skills whenever they go on missions tg.

-Breakdown doesn’t rlly talk to them, but after going on a mission with them he just met his new bestie westie! Both like chaos and wrecking things! Sooooo that just means they were meant to be besties😛

-Soundwave don’t like them at first cuz they remind him of Airachnid. But, once they prove their loyalty and dedication (and skills) he’ll become slightly fond of them. As long as they are loyal then he’s fine with them.

———————————————————————

OK THATS IT!! I LOVE YALL AND IM SO SO SO SO SORRY AGAIN FOR THE LONG AS BREAK. BYE BYE MY LOVELIES, OPENING REQUESTS WHEN I CAN!!!

33 notes · View notes

al9ayf · 7 months ago

Note

Could I request headcanons for Cal, and Geraldus finding out their f!s/o has suicidal thoughts please?

it was a little hard to do this one but i tried my best. also im so sorry for taking so long to do this request i could not think of anything!!!! but im lowkey so proud of this one.

ᥫ᭡ suicidal thoughts | cal, geraldus

｡˚ explicit content :: thoughts of suicide ofc

ʚ cal:

you and cal have been childhood friends and ended up dating each other. lia and rolan helped set the two of you up on a date after relentlessly teasing the both of you for months

everything was perfect. life was great. you and cal had a healthy relationship. you never once argued unless it was over something small or as a joke. you even thought about the idea of marriage and how amazing it would be to raise children in elturel

then the fall came, and your life drastically changed. you managed to escape with the three siblings, but in the process had to say your final goodbyes to your parents, not knowing if you would ever see them again. you were shaken and torn from the incident, but cal helped you through it. he was the most peaceful tiefling a person could know

still, his wise words and calming presence could not shake you back to reality. it was traumatizing to live through the fall, and at times you found yourself snapping at cal, only to profusely apologize to him at night with kisses. he accepts your apology every time, and it angers you how he could still be so forgiving

at the druid’s grove, rolan asked for days and days to leave for baldur’s gate. you agreed with him, and argued with cal about it. he tried to be peaceful about it while you and roman argued with lia. he tried to be the mediator. he was always the one in this group to keep tensions low but it was not working. finally, when the group of adventurers managed to convince you and rolan to stay did the arguments come to an end. and again, you apologized to cal who admitted to you that it hurt him how you were being so cruel. you were not the only one to lose everything during the fall of elturel

on the road to baldur’s gate, you were ambushed by the cultists. you tried to protect cal but you took a slash to the back of your knee. rolan saved most of the group, but could not fend off the cultists for long. he picked you up and ran, while you screamed for cal

while rolan drank himself away at the bar in last light inn, you rotted away in a bed with bandages on your knee. you were advised not to walk for a little while since the cuts were deep. but you could not care. cal and lia were gone. the love of your life was gone. how could such an amazing person’s life be taken away just like that? what you would do to hear his sweet voice one more time

rolan comes to you at night and sits at the edge of your bed. he is drunk and rambling. he yells and kicks, but you lay on your side and stare at the wall while crying silent tears. he fills it in your head that they are both dead. that you will have no children. that you will never know a smile again in your life. he does that every night and then passes out on the floor beside you to make sure you do not die as well. but rolan does not know how you wish to die

finally, when you are able to walk again, you go outside to relish in the cold air. your eyes are dry and your lips are cracked. you refuse to eat and drink little water. cal is gone. most of your friends are gone. rolan will die by drinking himself away and there is no possible way to leave the shadowlands alive. you wish to see cal one more time

each step you take towards the darkness is a step to cal. his sweet words of comfort is all you wish to hear. you are blinded by false images of him beckoning you outside of the globe of light protecting the inn. yet before you can even exit, you feel somebody stopping you. it is rolan, and he yells at you. you tell him you wish to die. that no life is worth living after what has happened to all of you

“have you no wish to see your sister and brother again?! their bodies gone, but their souls live! if i can give up life to see cal again, i will give it up a thousand times over. don’t you want to see them, rolan? don’t you?”

he does not reply. he gets mad and runs back inside the inn back to the bar. you rush after him, only to stop when you see the adventurers with a group of tieflings and gnomes. you hear familiar voices and see a pair of familiar horns

cal comes rushing to you, embracing you and kissing you. you are too stunned to speak or move. you do not return his kisses. he is alive. and just as you were about to give up yours, he has returned to you in the flesh. you cry into his arms and fall to the floor with him

cal knows that you are happy to see him again, and he expects prayers and praises but all you tell him is how you had almost killed yourself to see him again. you thought him dead, and yet here he was. cal breaks at your words

he starts to cry too, and hugs you tightly. he curses himself for getting kidnapped and for not being able to protect you. but at least he has come back just in time to save you. he cried with you, and promises that with the help of the adventurers, the both of you will live a promising life in baldur’s gate

ʚ geraldus:

you and geraldus met before you two became harper’s. it was love at first sight. for years you have dated now, and geraldus was hoping to propose after the cult of the absolute would be defeated. the both of you were strong, and with jaheira and her companions by your side, the possibilities of a victory against the cult was high

while in baldur’s gate, jaheira ordered to find the rashemaar. it took days before you could even find a lead, but within those days geraldus started to get on your nerves. he was supposed to lead this group to prove his worth as a harper. but he has done no such thing. you see the fear in those eyes. and there is nothing you hate more than fear

you argued with him about it. he needed to get it together or everything would go to shit. if he were to hesitate for even a moment, he would get killed. geraldus stuttered while trying to promise you that such a thing wouldn’t happen, yet it only angered you more. you did not sleep with him that night. instead, your last words to him before you left to sleep at an inn was “you are too weak to be a harper. maybe it is best you return home, geraldus.”

the next morning you returned to the camp to the sight of a bloodbath. the bhaalists had come and taken everybody, and you were the only one left. you hurled at the sight of the bhaal symbol painted with blood of what you immediately assumed to be geraldus’. he was taken and killed. you threw up some more and cried

you are a harper. you must remain strong. but the death of your beloved hung in the air, and the stench of iron overwhelmed you. you felt like shit. you had told him to basically fuck off and left him all alone. you could have protected him. you could have died with him. but you left. this was your fault

you cried and cried, but then left to find jaheira in the city. your heart has been shattered. but you promised yourself one thing. once you help jaheira, you will reunite with geraldus wherever he may be. his laughter rings in your ears, and even the sight of a man with black hair tricks your mind into thinking it is him. though it is not. you will never see him again for as long as you live, and that thought shatters your broken heart into even more pieces

after meeting jaheira at entharl's shop, you alerted her to what has happened, and almost broke down in tears if it wasn’t for her contradicting you. she said that she had received a letter recently from geraldus to meet here and speak about the rashemaar, and you tell her that is not possible. it must be a doppelgänger. she says you shall find out right now

after coming face to face with “geraldus” and the group of harper’s you were with, you quickly were enraged. his eyes were teary and worrisome at the sight of you

“you hide underneath your cloaks and wear the skin of people we love! have you not once felt the touch of the sun or the kiss of a loved one?! do you not remember what it feels like to be loved?! do you despise me so that you wear the skin of my partner?!”

“geraldus” stumbles over his words and tries to clam you down. he does not know what to say to convince you to believe that it is him and that he has lived. but you are already crying and shaking your head. you yell at him and say that you shall meet with the real geraldus soon after you kill them all. that you have thought about a hundred different ways how you will end your life and these bhaalists. they will not take you

yet when he speaks the words “may selûne’s tears shine on this meeting” only then do you know it is the real him

after killing the doppelgänger’s and reuniting with geraldus, he is the first to cry. he admitted that he hesitated when the group came to kill the harper’s, and that he was glad you were not there to witness it. he cannot blame you for thinking that he had died, for he would have done the same thing. a life without you is a life not worth living. he has envisioned a life with children with you. you are the only one that he wants, the only one that he needs. and he would rather die if a bhaalist took that away from him

you kiss and hug him, all while jaheira begs the both of you to rest

#bg3 x reader #bg3 x tav #bg3 angst #bg3 #bg3 cal #bg3 geraldus #cal x tav #cal x reader #geraldus x tav #geraldus x reader #harper geraldus #bg3 fanfiction

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drdemonprince · 5 months ago

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to the anon who sent me the message that took them 4 hours to draft.

I think your experience both with organizing and disability has probably provoked you to rethink the entire concept of "success" as our culture has defined it, even if you feel yourself still longing for some of the comfort and ease that capitalistic success can seemingly provide (or that we are conditioned to believe it can provide). im not sure what to say that can match the effort your put into your message, in fact i am galled by the fact that i know that i can't match that effort. i don't know how to make sense of the fact that a person who is finding it incredibly difficult to remain connected and engaged during this time, due to disability, has decided that i was worth that level of effort when they don't have the energy to message people they know. i don't think i am worth that effort. but i also respect that mired in all that you're mired in, it's a meaningful gesture toward engagement and connection to even bother writing such a message. i just think in a lot of ways i am a misplaced target for it, because i am a ridiculously privileged and publicly exposed individual who receives dozens of heartfelt messages that he doesnt find the time to respond to every single day. i think if anything that i've written rubs you the wrong way you'd be right to approach it with cynicism. because what the fuck do i know, banging around on my laptop every day and getting paid for it. how dare i lecture anybody about not unlearning capitalism adequately enough. i am one of capitalisms little milking cows. a massive publishing company makes a weekly profit off of me, off the byproduct of the worst years of my life and my worst traumas, as well as the meaning i've made from the scholarship of others.

i'm so enraged for you that you got a debilitating case of COVID (after several other cases) on an encampment, and that now the community you foster at that encampment is not there for you. i am disgusted at how more seasoned activists and organizations have regarded student protestors as disposable this entire year, selling them out to the cops, cutting bad deals with campus administration, and sending them to yellow and red risk level actions without adequate communication and getting them kettled and beat, or else nullifying their efforts with mealy-mouthed talk about keeping things peaceful. i see so many toothless, neoliberal protests happening here, ones that serve only as fundraisers for massive nonprofit orgs, and i also see literal teenagers being dragged right into paddy wagons by the likes of the PSL or the RCP while the Dems deride them and dance to Brat tracks, not even pretending to care the way they unconvincingly did in say 2020.

It's all making me terribly cynical, wondering where we are headed and whether i can or should encourage people who are younger, stronger, more energetic, more pliable, and more vulnerable to me to give up all that they've got for a cause when it's likely gonna be chewed up and spit out and not met in effort by anyone else. i am mournful of the fact that even i can't match that effort. every time i get a message from a friend or acquaintance who is going through some new awful traumatizing event i want to just curl up and disappear, because i can't even keep up with sending compassionate messages to all of them, let alone actually showing the fuck up and doing anything for them. and so sometimes i slip into the disaffected, blunted feeling that once led me as a younger man into libertarianism, thinking that all i can or should do is look after my own wellbeing, and fuck everybody else. and obviously that is a horrible path that is not by any means moral and certainly didn't help me anyway. it felt like we were on the brink of a great paradigm shift of some kind, a collapse of these evil systems, and now it feels like all of that is as far away as it's ever been, and that there aren't enough people with class consciousness and care for one another to make it happen.

i don't know. i think we all have to abandon our dreams of success, of comfort, of saving the world, the fantasies of everything being fine. i think we need to look to our immediate surroundings and our communities. i think we need to ask for help a whole hell of a lot more than any of us are doing, and to recognize that that is a form of helping. i think we need to get small. and remember we are weak animals. and stop thinking there is anything special or chosen about us. and to remember that nature can often be very cruel and that there is nothing we are owed. disabled people already know this of course, we know life isn't fair. we try to do what we can and yet we wake up feeling even less capable the next day, and it knows no logic and the universe remains indifferent to it. but there are people around us who can care, when we ask them to. and ways that we can just be there alongside one another in the muck of it all. not even necessarily making things better. certainly not being a savior and making the pain go away. maybe just sitting in the muck together.

all of which is to say, i am feeling stuck and overwhelmed and useless myself, anon, and i dont have any more answers than you. but thanks for messaging. im sorry people have taking advantage of you. including in my opinion lots of other activists. looking after yourself and not letting people guilt you doesn't mean turning into a conservative. the kind of anarchy that i am embracing right now is one that goes beyond linear change, beyond making meaning, beyond any idealistic visions of the future, beyond even fighting for some kind of symbolic survival. it's just being. none of it has to mean anything, none of it has to be headed anywhere. it just is. there is plenty for you to be bitter about.

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persephozee · 3 months ago

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basic outline of my AOT Marley-Paradis Swap AU

if you read this whole post i actually love you lets get married NOW

but i've seen this type of AU get done before but i do it in a more unorthodox way

will i ever actually write for this? who knows

Who's in Paradis?

ok so the main difference in my au from other is that the veterans and the ackermann family all have to stay in paradis (veterans is just cuz im lazy, ackermanns is because how would they be important at all in Marley if they cant turn into titans)

Reiner - Reiner pretty much plays the role of Eren just with a difference mindset. also Reiner still has mommy issues (Karina survives the fall unfortunately )!!

Bertholdt - pretty much plays the role of Armin however Reiner is the one who got bullied when they were kids. also Bert's dad dies in the fall unfortunately traumatizing him

Annie - Annie still has daddy issues her father heavily pushes her into the Corps after the fall

Porco - Porco lwk bullied Reiner when they were little BUT he'll tag along w the gang in joining the Corps after the fall because he wants to be just like his big brother

Marcel - Marcel and Pieck and Zeke were all in the same training corps together about 2 years before the fall !! (Marcel and Pieck are 5 years older than RBA + Porco while Zeke is 7 years older)

Pieck - Pieck lwk gonna play a bigger role than Marcel hesgonnadie but she is pretty much everyones big sister and also really badass as a survey corp. also her best friend (Zeke) mysteriously disappeared in 845 (like right before the fall)

Zeke - Zeke mysteriously disappeared in 845 i wonder what could be going on there. his grandparents were pissed at him for joining the Survey Corps despite being told to join the Military Police (he could have easily joined too he was 3rd in his class)

Mikasa - yes Mikasa is still here, and she unfortunately did get sold into trafficking at age 9. she escaped though she's a badass and now she's in the corps (dw Eremikas Eren still saves her just in a different way)

Erwin, Hange, Levi and all the other veterans and higher ups in the Paradis military are in Paradis

Who's in Marley?

Eren - Eren has the Attack Titan because Marley never loses possession of it in this AU!! Also he gets sent to Paradis which is kinda funny cuz his dad by some miracle came from there and told him right before he got sent!! Eren kinda knew that he just assumed Grisha was fucking stupid (this is the one part of my story thats really farfetched BUT the ackermann family told Dina that the outside world is advanced. Dina died on the way there if you cant tell)

Armin - Armin as expected has the Colossal. Him and Eren are inseparable but that will change FAST when they get to the island

Jean - Jean is the armored titan

Marco - Marco is the jaw titan but not for long Ymir eats him yes she's still here

Historia - Historia is the female titan and DOES NOT get sent to Paradis until 850 (and thats where she gets into a forbidden love situation w Ymir). also she has special scream/titan creation powers just like Zeke !!

Connie - Connie is the cart titan

Floch - Floch is the beast titan (he's a fox if you're wondering)

Sasha - Sasha will SUPPOSEDLY inherit the jaw titan

once again if you read this entire post i love you. and if this post gets engagement PLEASE let me know if you wanna hear more.

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compact-turtle · 2 years ago

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I love your farmer so much, you and Wordsbymae have been my absolute go-tos for these mentally unstable men!

I was wondering though, what if darling actually confessed to liking him to? Or weirdly did something for him to express some sort of love to him, idk i think it would be interesting to have his brain sort circuit because shes confessing. Or maybe shes obsessed too?

Another i was wondering is if you could five us a small sneak peak of what it would be like being his darlinf after he murdered all her friends, in front of her, and what he would want daily life to be like? Darling can be complicit or defiant im just so curious!

Thank you and is it alright if i become a emoji anon? If so may i have 🌊?

If not its all good! Also keep up the fantastic work i love it all!

Thank you for taking time to check out my work! Ofc you can be that anon!

---------

I think darling would have to confess directly with words. All your actions would be revised as "My darling is so love with me" under Atticus's delusional brain lol. However, he would still be a bit insecure of the relationship until you specifically say the words.

He would short circuit then celebrate internally. You couldn't tell from the look on his face at first. Only his actions would give you any indication of his happiness.

Atticus moves fast, your spot at night would be next to him immediately. He's marking the day on the calendar as anniversary already. Taking out to flaunt around town at least once. (Doesn't like going to town but is just so happy that he just HAS to show everyone)

"Atticus, I think I really like you. Would you want to be with me?"

Atticus:

-----

Sorry life sucks for you and your friends lol.

Atticus would hate to traumatize you. He doesn't want you to end up hating him. Still, if you accidentally stumble upon him murdering your friends then he'd have to take drastic action.

Atticus has a drug that calms the farm animals down. He'd use a small dose on you to keep you happy and complacent. A small side effect also causes some memory loses in humans. You'd never be truly lucid to understand what's happening. He'd gaslight you into thinking that you were always his spouse.

Sometimes you have strange dreams about some so-called friends. They're all screaming and begging you to run away. The dreams terrify you but on the bright side, Atticus is always there to comfort you. He reassures you that it's only a nightmare.

----

-Daily life!

It wouldn't be too different from your current life on the farm. Only downside, you have to work a bit harder since you don't have any friends to help :(

Also, when you start having your weird dreams, Atticus gives you some shots. He tells you that it's to make you feel better and to keep the nightmares away. Thankfully, it does make the nightmares go away!!!!! ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶

Oh! Also, assuming he gaslight you into being his spouse, Atticus is also much more handsy. He's kissing you when you make breakfast, taking baths with you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

-His arms are so heavy when he snuggles with you in bed. It's a struggle to get up in the morning. You'll try to escape but he'll just pull you back into bed.

----

It'd be very difficult for you to escape if you ever regain your memories properly.

-The drug has weakened and altered your body so much. You can't run far without being exhausted.

-There's acres and acres of only farmland.

-Also as much as you love the puppies, they are ratting you out. You'll try to leave, and they'll bark after you. They just assume that you're playing a game with them. They'll happily chase you which in turns leads Atticus to find you.

-Atticus won't punish you. He'll be so angry and upset but blames himself.

-He should've taken care of you more

-He should've noticed you were unhappy

-He failed his duty as a husband to keep you satisfied.

-Atticus will gaslight you and manipulate you into believing that the police would arrest you. He'd convince you that you witnessed the murder and did nothing to stop him so you're an accomplice.

-Logically, you know that this isn't true. However, his words creep into your mind. They influence your subconscious more than you can admit.

-Drugs you more until you forget about it all :/

#yandere drabble #yandere imagines #yandere x reader #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc x you #tw yandere #yandere x darling #yandere headcanons #yandere male #male yandere #yandere farmer #yandere farmer x reader #male yandere x gn reader #yandere x gn reader #gn reader #yandere #yandere smut

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gunpowderraven · 2 years ago

Text

critical role: by someone that hasn’t seen any of it

hi so we recently got into dimension 20 and our friends have been tugging us towards critical role for a very long time at this point but we still haven’t watched any of it nor do we know all that much about anything that actually happens in it. however we do intend to actually start watching soon so we decided it was the perfect opportunity to make one of those ‘all the things i know about this thing i haven’t watched’ posts, show it to our critrole friends, and then actually get into critrole and be able to look back and laugh about it later

also the images are all sourced via friend so this is all one hundred percent no wiki no google knowledge, just from tumblr and discord convos and stuff. and some cast compilation videos that were very funny

update: we are now watching cr3! liveblog tag for silly lb -> #cr3 lb

vox machina

from left to right:

- i have literally no idea who the two halflings are. i’ve never seen them before in my life. what. uh. paladin and bard? im literally just guessing. who plays these characters. what

- grog? grug? this is travis’ pc maybe. also hypothesizing hes a half-orc barbarian or something similar? ive seen like one clip of him

- percival frederick von something something de rolo i think there’s a iii in his name as well, his name is long and very german but he does not have a german accent. or a french one. at separate times i have thought this character was german and french and then i heard him talk and was like. What. anyway i know he’s taliesin’s pc and he invented guns and is also possessed sometimes by big bird demon, and he has a nifty plague doctor mask. also tragic backstory. his entire family is dead i think. no mercy percy! he has a thing with vex? also his hair did a wilbur. the gay people on tumblr love this twink. i also think i love this twink

- vax’ildan! i think i may have actually spelled that right! half-elf? vex is his twin? and he’s... liam’s pc i think. yeah that’s it. he gives me angsty boy energy tho. not as much as percy but this boy has seen some shit. also he might be a rogue or a ranger who even knows. he looks like gay jon snow

- vex’ahlia which i definitely didn’t spell right. i think the next one is marisha’s pc so this one is... uh... laura? i think she’s the ranger actually. i think she has a bear. not like a gay bear like an actual animal bear. though it could be gay too i dunno. she has a think with percy. or everyone wants her to have a thing with percy. i genuinely can’t tell. anyway get that traumatized twink girl

- keyleth... marisha’s pc. some kind of spellcaster? maybe sorcerer? wild magic? she Also has a thing with percy maybe. or vex. or both. who even knows. everyone wants that twink. one time she threw herself off a cliff and turned into a goldfish and almost died and it was hilarious

anything else i know about this:

- there are evil bitches called the briarwoods and they might be vampires

- this is the one that got a tv show and might have also been the first critrole campaign idek

- d. ragons? chromia something. dragons. i hope i haven’t been lied to about the dragons. i hope there are actually dragons in this. there’s like a chromium something with dragon symbols tho

mighty nein

from left to right:

- mollymauk! ...tealeaf? another taliesin pc. the trans people like this one. i don’t know what their pronouns are. but theyre slaying every time i see them at any time. no idea what class but maybe a spellcaster?

- ...beau? i know her exclusively through lesbian ship art so i know her name is beau something bc that’s the ship names but i don’t know if that’s short for something. monk? no clue. also no clue who plays her either. maybe marisha?

- i have seen this character but i do not know their name. or anything else about them

- oh this is the sad wizard boy caleb widogast. he’s gay for essek thelyss (or something. i didnt spell that right) who is a npc i think. yeah. sad wizard. every time i see him he’s just being a wizard and sad. the gays love him too but he’s more of a distraught otter than a sad twink. maybe he and percy should start a club tho. also i think he’s played by liam

- i KNOW this character’s name i think it starts with s but i can’t remember for the life of me. scriv? scrat? no thats the rat from ice age. possibly a menace? i think im getting them mixed up with someone else. they look cool as hell though

- jester!! laura pc i think perhaps. i want to get drunk with her and tell her about all of my problems. yeah. i dont know anything about her actually. beaujester exists tho i know that

- YASHA. CRUSH ME HOLY FUCK. sorry im normal ? her voice makes me a little crazy insane. ive seen a few clips of her. mostly gay shit with beau. uh she’s played by ashley and she could kick my ass very easily

oh my god there’s another photo

- i think there’s only one character different here and it’s caduceus clay fun fact i hated this mfer for really dumb shitty personal reasons for a while before deciding it was very stupid to blame a fictional character for interpersonal drama and now im fine with him. wait does mollymauk die or something. wait a second. no, wait, fuck—

- ALSO WHO’S THAT FUCKER IN THE BACKGROUND I JUST NOTICED THAT

anything else i know about this:

- yeah i got nothing. no idea about the lore or the plot or anything bc i pretty much exclusively see gay ship art of these pcs. love wins i support it

bells hells

from left to right, one more time:

- look my brain is just saying gertrude from dungeons & drag queens but obviously that’s incorrect. so i don’t know who this is

- or this! but she looks very pretty and i love the little... monkey... bird? pls tell me these two characters have some kind of wild opposites dynamic they look like they do

- LITTLE ROBOT GUY . fcg? fgc? i think it was the first one. uh. liam pc? ?????? i think he gets bitches

- orym...? i know one of these characters is named orym. and i think it’s this one. i also see gay fanart of him

- i don’t know who the guy underneath him is

- or the lady with the purple hair god i really don’t know shit about this campaign sorry

- ashton greymoore, taliesin pc, my friend luna loves this guy, he’s. rocks? he’s rocks. groovy.

- someone in this campaign is named like dorian or something and im guessing its this one bc idk who they are either

anything else i know about this:

- flying.......... ship?

- this is the ongoing one i think

thank you for coming to my ted talk, i can’t wait to look back at this in a few months and laugh my ass off. hope u enjoyed this mess

#jupiter.txt #thierry.txt #critical role

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sysmedsaresexist · 20 days ago

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Hello there!

Im coming from a place of genuine curiosity; I have a genuine interest in Psychology but im still very new to the topic. At the same time I have multiple friends who are Plural, ranging from DID to Endogenic and I have been trying to learn to better understand em but also myself.

I am a bit confused with regards to certain stances or understanding what you are trying to imply, I apologize if this is something you've made obvious in the past.

You've done a 180 from your old Anti-Endo stance yet looking through some posts I feel like a lot of evidence you share would be against Endogenic Plurality no? Mind ya I know your focus is still mainly CDD systems so there wouldn't be much opportunities to share research on that, but im regardless confused at what appears to me like a back and forth on the validity of Endogenic and the stance the Plural community has on including multiple systems under its umbrella... or am I misunderstanding some things? (I do struggle with sarcasm so apologies).

Apologies should this come off as confrontational, im just a bit confused reading through the various posts.

You're not coming off as confrontational! Though I'm not completely sure I understand the question. I'm going to try my best!

The beliefs of the mods on this blog vary. We all have different ideas about how CDDs work and what's possible in and outside of them. This makes us a really great team for tackling some of the more complicated questions where we can showcase a few different opinions.

I think, generally, we're in agreement about a few core things.

CDDs are childhood trauma disorders. That won't change. That's just a fact. This is in the DSM.

In my opinion, CDDs are not plural and should NOT be included under the plural umbrella. I think lumping a traumatized and disordered group of individuals under an umbrella specifically meant for non disordered experiences is a bad idea. TPA, I'm looking at you telling CDD systems they're not allowed to have personhood for benefitting from a medical view.

Some of this shit hurts. Like not just hurts the CDD community, but it's a punch to the gut.

Also, in my opinion, and living comfortably alongside that, plural and CDD experiences overlap for some people, but this isn't universal and shouldn't be treated as such. It does happen, though, and those experiences are valid and should be respected. I don't go into conversations looking to change minds or prove someone is traumagenic, I'm genuinely interested in hearing about people's experiences and trying to reconcile my own beliefs and ideas with new information. Occasionally, this is a mutual exchange of ideas, and minds DO change. Sometimes mine, sometimes theirs. This isn't a case of turning pros to antis or vice versa with gotchas, though. I've shifted my mindset from arguing to simply sharing as much information as I possibly can. Everyone should be armed with all the accessible information. These arguments would be a lot less volatile if we all had access to the same base articles and info.

In my opinion, there's still a lot of rampant misinformation in pro/endo communities. TPA makes me want to tear my hair out.

My belief in this needed separation does nothing to invalidate endogenic systems, and doesn't say they can't exist. The misinformation I'm talking about isn't their existence.

I think I'm actually the only blog to have a post dedicated to links about the Stanford tulpa studies. I could be wrong, but I don't think anyone else compiled them for easy access and linking.

My blog is still focused on CDD research and correcting some of the myths and misinformation, but I don't think this invalidates endogenic plurality in any way.

I do, on occasion, post research into endogenic systems, but that isn't my focus. I would actually say my focus has shifted to interacting with anti endos to introduce them to some of the ideas that helped open my mind.

I am NOT the most pro endo system on this platform, but I am pro endo--

And I am trying to act as that bridge between communities with the best intentions possible. I know, I know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I... ultimately hope that in the end, I help both communities, in my own unique way.

At the very least, I don't want to cause more harm for either community.

My unique way, though, does not discount the existence of plurality, it's just not my focus, and I'm still battling basic misinformation in the process, which can get... messy. At times.

I hope this answers the question, genuinely, feel free to come back to talk more!

#syscourse #not syscourse #pro syscourse conversation #suck my balls tpa #CDDs vs plurality #I've got a lot of rambling posts about this #sysconversation #anti endo #pro endo #a secret third thing #pro endo sysmed

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carpedzem · 11 months ago

Text

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

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