#also im almost done with finals! im going home tomorrow (finally!!!!)

[avornalino]

tomarang townie makeovers :)

for the 1 (one) person who asked.. please enjoy <3

notes and dl under the cut vvv

notes:

i did use cc for all of these sims but it was mostly skin details and makeup. its all included :)

i also used a lot of the same cc so if you download more than 1 household you can just merge the mod folders together and delete duplicates

these pics were taken with reshade so skin colors might look different in game (i did not change them. do not change them)

do whatever else you want, these arent my sims just don't reupload and claim as your own please and ty!

lmk if there you have any issues 🫶🫶

cahyaputri | linh | bun ma | linh-sadya

[hellfireeddiemunson]

fuck today honestly im so overstimulated i want to throw a full tantrum on the fucking floor

[lyvhie]

after last night | dong sicheng

actor!sicheng x actress!reader (+18 mdni)

summary: acting alongside your rival was supposed to be just another one of the competitions you play out in your mind, but after a brief heated moment between the two of you, you began to question your true feelings toward him.

a/n: @winwintea..... i'm finally here, pookie.... im like, so so so so so sorry it took sooooo long for me to finally finish this. but i put a lot of love care blood sweat and tears on it, i hope you like it, if you dont, then ill disappear from earth and no one will ever see me again 😫

cw: smut, fluff, more of one-sided rivals to situationship, alcohol mention and consumption, fingering, edging, unprotected sex.

with a frustrated huff, you sank into the chair, allowing the makeup artist to work their magic. the studio was filled with an almost tangible tension, as everyone seemed to expect a blow-out fight between you and sicheng at any moment.

it’s been a constant issue since the start of filming this drama. working on the same project as your long-time rival sicheng has made every day stressful, the constant tension and friction have made filming the drama a more difficult and uncomfortable experience for everyone involved.

the undeniable chemistry between you and sicheng on camera despite the constant tension backstage has led to the difficulty of finding another pair to match your on-screen chemistry. as the main characters of the drama, the romantic aspect of the show requires a certain level of connection and synchronization that only you two seem to possess, as ironic as it may sound.

but today, the prolonged shoot further strained everyone on the set, not only due to the physical exhaustion, but also the weight of the tense atmosphere that loomed over everyone. the frustration and fatigue were palpable, and the constant back and forth between you and sicheng only added to the mounting pressure.

the problem was the dreaded kissing scene. despite everyone’s expectations, you and sicheng can’t do it — and unfortunately, you’re the only one to blame. every time the distance between your faces closes, you instinctively pull away, much to everyone’s frustration.

“um, excuse me,” the staff member poked her head into the dressing room and announced, "the director said it's getting late, and it would be best to continue tomorrow, so… everyone is dismissed for today,” she gave a small, apologetic smile before closing the door gently.

"of course this would happen," you mutter under your breath, trying to contain your frustration. you dismiss the makeup artist with a polite nod, then tilt your head back in irritation as you let out a heavy sigh.

“can you please calm down a little, boss?” your assistant, haneul, places a cup of hot chocolate in front of you and steps into your view, her voice gentle as she pleads with you.

you glare at her and snap, "don't ask me to calm down when i’m perfectly calm, haneul,” grabbing the drink, you take a big sip before continuing. "dong sicheng is such an idiot.”

haneul lets out a deep sigh, rolling her eyes at your response. "he might be an idiot, but you're not much better when you act like this all the time," she says, crossing her arms. "just suck it up, get the scene done, and then you can go back to hating each other."

her firm words cause you to flinch, and you allow your shoulders to drop, acknowledging her point. you're aware that you've been more irritating than usual lately, and her straightforward approach hits home.

you sigh, slumping into the chair and admit, "i know, i know. i'm sorry. i'm just in a really bad mood today. everything is going wrong, and sicheng... i just want to punch that annoying face of his so bad.”

haneul couldn't help but chuckle, her eyes crinkling in amusement as they watched you scrunch your face like you had just tasted something sour.

"you two should get a room," her tone was playful, yet there was an underlying suggestion in her voice that betrayed her mischievous thoughts.

"what?!" you exclaimed, your voice tinged with disbelief and shock, you were offended even. the mere thought of having something like that with sicheng gave you the creeps.

haneul continued with a sly smile on her face, her tone now tinged with a hint of amusement, "i’m just saying," she began, "that we can all see the tension between you two. it's like you're just waiting for the moment to pounce on each other."

"is that your way of asking to be fired, huh?" your eyebrows raising slightly out of disbelief. "cut the nonsense – where the hell did you even get that idea?" you shook your head, dismissing the absurd thought, clearly annoyed by your friend's outlandish assumption.

haneul just laughed even more, enjoying the reaction from you. she had always assumed that deep down, you were only pretending to hate sicheng, because she could sense that there was secretly something more than just dislike. the imaginary game you played in your mind, of trying to outshine each other, was something she thought had made the actual attraction to him more intense.

"yeah, you can keep telling yourself that, boss," she placed her hands on your shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze. "but your bad mood would improve a lot if you just let him hit it.”

haneul was caught off guard as you suddenly grabbed the pillow from your lap, not having enough time to react. she grunted as the pillow hit her face with a soft thud. she stumbled back, rubbing her face where the pillow made contact, failing to hide her giggle and act offended.

she was about to continue with her tease when the sound of the door opening interrupted her, as if a greater force was saving her from provoking your wrath even further.

"sorry to interrupt," sicheng's deep voice reached your ears, his gaze fixing on you with a small raise of his eyebrows. he was the last person you wanted to see. "are you free right now?"

“for you?”

“mhm.”

“then no.”

sicheng let out a deep sigh in response, already expecting this reply from you. your name came out of his lips with a different, pleading tone compared to the annoyed one he had used for you all day.

"i’m serious," he said, his voice tinged with a hint of sincerity. "we need to talk, please?"

you were usually a stubborn person, but perhaps today you were simply too drained and the memory of haneul's words from before suddenly echoed in your mind, reminding you that maybe making things difficult wasn't always the right way to go, you knew you had already caused enough trouble.

so with a reluctant sigh, you relented, “fine,” your tone slightly annoyed. “what is it?” you gestured for haneul to give you some space alone with him and she immediately made her way to the door, despite her curiosity about what you would talk.

sicheng moved closer, taking a seat in front of you. you expected him to bring up the topic of the messed-up records and give you his usual sweet and annoying words of reassurance, mentally prepared to roll your eyes and respond with snark.

"i've noticed how stressful it was for you today," he started, his tone sympathetic. "and since this is your first romantic role, i've been thinking about what i could do to make this process easier for you. then, i realized the solution was right in front of us.”

you raised an eyebrow skeptically, not liking where this was going.

“we just need to practice,” he smiled.

"you're saying we should practice... kissing?"

“exactly!”

“absolutely not.”

his smile faded away instantly.

he let out a slight whine, trying to persuade you to comply. "oh, come on," he pleaded, "don't be like that now.”

“i said no. this is so stupid, sicheng,” you crossed your arms, looking away from him.

“why are you making such a big deal out of this?" even though he already knew that acting like this was part of your nature, he still asked.

you felt overwhelmed at the thought of having to kiss him on set even more, let alone practicing it multiple times. it was already a challenge for you, and you were unsure if you could handle it.

you responded with a nonchalant shrug, trying to downplay it. "i’m not making a big deal out of it," you said dismissively. "i just think this idea is stupid. that’s all."

"have you thought about something better then?" he asked, his tone tinged with a slight annoyance. “there's no way we can keep going with the show if you don't overcome this problem." his eyebrows furrowed as he continued, "you know we'll have to perform even more 'spicy' scenes in the future, right?”

ugh... of course you know. you were already starting to regret your stupid decision to accept a show for a mature audience just to compete with sicheng.

“and i fear they might replace you for this scene," he continued, his tone serious. "not that it's a problem per se, but i know you don't like stunts.”

his words made you flinch a little. it’s not that you dislike stunts themselves, you actually think they are pretty cool and that their work is impressive. you just don't like the idea of not seeming capable of doing your own work, and feeling inadequate when you know you're so skilled in it. it leaves you feeling disconcerting.

overwhelmed? unsure if you could handle it? regretting your role choice? replaced by a stunt double? bullshit! you were a top-notch actress, and a simple kiss wouldn't change that. you had the skills and confidence to tackle any role thrown your way.

sicheng knew he had struck a chord as he observed your expression. he knew well that bringing out your competitive side would effectively motivate you. the slight frown that appeared on your face, coupled with the defeated sigh and the rolled eyes, only confirmed his assumption that he had achieved his goal.

“okay, let's do that.”

hah.

he got you.

haneul couldn't resist making suggestive remarks toward you upon hearing that she could leave first because you had things to do with sicheng. it wasn't until you played the "threaten-her-paycheck" card that she finally decided it was time to head home.

now it was just you and sicheng in the studio. as you stood leaning against the table set for the scene, your eyes briefly skimmed over the script once more. you knew that it wasn't to ensure you did it right, but rather to prolong the inevitable moment of kissing him.

“are you done?” sicheng's voice cut through your thoughts, prompting you to lift your head and meet his gaze. he stood a short distance away, his arms crossed in a manner that signaled his patient but slightly impatient attitude.

as you cleared your throat, a subtle attempt to buy a little more time, you glanced back down at the script. "almost," you replied, keeping your gaze fixed on the paper. "i just need to read through it one more time."

but contrary to what you insisted on saying, sicheng wasn’t an idiot.

a flicker of surprise crossed your face as sicheng abruptly grabbed the papers from your hands and tossed them aside. the unexpected move caught you off guard, and before you could react, he had placed his hands on either side of the table, effectively cornering you.

“what are you doing?” your frown deepened as he leaned closer, his body nearly touching yours. the proximity making it difficult to ignore the rapid thuds of your heart and keep your feigned annoyance.

“you needed time," he said, "and i think i've given you enough."

"don't be an idiot," you scoffed. “we need to re—”

“we're not here to rehearse the lines," he interrupted you quickly. "we both know you can recite this backward by now."

you couldn't argue with sicheng's words, he was right; there wasn't a need to play the entire scene when you could easily jump straight to the main part.

you had been attempting to buy time, and sicheng had allowed you some grace in doing so. but he had finally reached a point where enough was enough. there was no escape now.

"alright," you responded with a confident gaze, your expression indicating a readiness to proceed. sicheng's brow twitched slightly at your response, a subtle sign that he was either surprised or intrigued by your sudden change.

his agreement followed swiftly:

"great."

“great.”

with those simple lines, the stage was set.

you were in the correct position, just as the script dictated. in this moment, the male lead had devised a plan to kiss the girl, saying that her wishes would only come true if she kissed him, and he had locked her in the exact position where sicheng was holding you now.

all it needed was the pivotal moment — the kiss.

sicheng's hand cupped your face once more, replicating the same intimate gesture as before. the familiar sensation of his thumb on your cheek triggered the erratic beating of your heart.

you reassured yourself, attributing the sudden rush to the invested nature of your role. easy now, easy, you thought, repeating the mantra in your mind. it was only natural for your heart to race in this moment due to the intimacy required by the character you were portraying — that’s all.

as he leaned even closer, your instinct to push him away resurfaced once more. yet, you resisted the urge, your hands tightly grasping the edge of the table instead.

sicheng's eyes roamed over your lips, and you caught yourself replicating the action unknowingly. those plump lips of his were undeniably inviting, and it was challenging to deny the magnetic attraction you felt.

his lips caressed yours gently and softly, their subtle touch sending a shiver down your spine. the script called for a quick, chaste kiss, and that's precisely what you received as his lips pressed against yours. it was a brief moment, but it was enough to make your legs tremble in response.

ok, first part done. now comes the rest.

with a swift, fluid motion, sicheng leaned in for a second kiss, his hands cupping your face as his thumb subtly guided your chin downwards. you felt your lips part instinctively, granting him access to explore the depths of your mouth with his warm, skilled tongue.

you know, there's no such thing as a "technical kiss" in acting.

you either kiss, or you kiss.

it has to be real.

that's why you were so reluctant before because, right now, only god knows how much you are enjoying this. and no matter how much you triy to deny it, the way your tongue move against his is proof enough.

you found your hands reaching out to grasp his shirt, pulling him closer as you responded to the kiss with a new sense of eagerness.

sicheng was surprised. this wasn't in the script at all. now it seemed like you were just... making out.

not that he's complaining. he likes it.

he very, very much likes it.

as if they had a life of their own, his hands found the hem of your shirt, playing with the cloth for a few moments before sliding them under your clothes. his fingers came into contact with your skin, caressing it gently and making you shiver slightly.

and then, walking a little further, his hand trailed down to the waistband of your pants, sneaking into your panties. the gasp that escaped your lips served as a jolt to your consciousness. quickly, you broke the kiss and grasped his wrist, preventing any further advancements from him.

you locked eyes with sicheng, both of you panting. his hooded eyes, slightly flushed face, and his swollen, reddened lips were a sight to behold.

sicheng's voice, soft and low, echoed softly, asking, "what?" just as he leaned in for another kiss. you almost, almost gave in, your lips yearning to meet his, but you fought the urge, tilting your head back to avoid it.

you pushed him away quickly, fixing your slightly disheveled clothing while attempting to regain composure. your voice trembled a little as you speak.

"i think we did pretty good already. it's getting late too." you hastily handed him the studio keys before adding, "um, thank you for the practice. you can close up. see you tomorrow!" with those words, you hurriedly made your way towards the exit.

things happened so fast that sicheng barely seemed to process what was going on.

"hold on, wait!" his voice rushed after you, trying to catch up. "calm down," he called out, his words coming out quickly. "you didn't come by car today, did you? let me drive you home, i just need to—”

"no! it's fine,” you shook your head adamantly, cutting him off. "i can catch a taxi. thanks anyway.”

and just like that, you left, running away like a cat while closing the door in sicheng's face. the man let his shoulders fall and sighed loudly as he looked at the closed door in front of him, a small smile appearing on his face.

“cute”.

you haven't slept a wink all night.

the scene from the previous night replaying in your mind along with haenul's damned words like a broken record.

no. you do not want to fuck dong sicheng.

this is what you've been repeating in your mind since the moment you got up from your bed until the entire drive to the studio.

he's a bad kisser.

he's terrible.

that was the worst kiss you've ever had.

learning how to kiss with an orange would be better than this.

that's what you repeated in your mind as he kissed you again, but this time in front of the cameras. and you still had to tell yourself that it was your character who was enjoying it, not you. you definitely don't want to take him to a secluded place and make out until your mouth are sore. no.

"and... cut!" the director's voice rang out, followed by a chorus of applause. everyone on set was thrilled with how effortlessly the scene had come together, a stark contrast to the tension-filled atmosphere that had enveloped it lately. the air was charged with positivity, making it clear that this was the best mood the set had experienced since the project's inception.

despite the apparent positive change in the atmosphere, it was clear that there was something... different going on, for lack of a better word, between you and sicheng.

suddenly, you weren't bickering anymore and were even being uncharacteristically polite, thanking and apologizing for the smallest minor matters, which wasn't like your usual self at all.

everyone noticed this, but decided to just accept it as a positive development in the co-workers' feelings between you. at least, it was better than all that tension from before.

as haenul handed you a bottle of water, her words echoed with admiration. "wow," she exclaimed, "that was like, the best kiss scene i’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

“oh, really?” you laughed a little awkwardly, your eyes briefly darted towards sicheng, who stood on the opposite side of the room. as your gaze met his, you hastily averted your eyes, taking a sip of water.

"of course! this episode will be an absolute banger; everyone has been waiting for this!" she nodded fiercely and continued. "i've been checking the social media, and..." her words were met with your inattentiveness, as if your mind was preoccupied elsewhere. "and you're not listening to me!" she furrowed.

"oh, sorry about that," you shook your head, snapping back to attention. "i got distracted for a moment. you were saying…?”

haenul's eyes narrowed as she scrutinized you momentarily, following your gaze to where sicheng stood on the other side of the room.

"did you and sicheng finally hook up last night?"

you nearly choked on your water, coughing as you fumbled with the bottle in your hand. your assistant quickly patted your back, trying to help you recover.

once you were fine again, you glanced around nervously to check if anyone had overheard, then turned back to haenul with a sharp glare.

“can you stop blurting stuff like that?!” you hissed at her.

haenul gasped dramatically. “oh my god! you totally did it!”

“i did not!” you snapped, lightly smacking her arm.

“but something happened between you two!” she insisted, her voice dropping to a whisper, just loud enough for you to hear after the scolding. “you’re acting all weird around him. if it wasn’t sex, then what was it?”

“is that seriously the only reason you can think of?” you replied, your tone edged with disbelief. “when did you turn into such a pervert?”

“i mean, you were obviously kissing for real earlier, and now we’re finishing the day without your usual sulking. after spending the night alone with him, what else am i supposed to think?”

you frowned at her explanation. “well, maybe that we’ve become, i don’t know… friends?” haneul looked at you as if you’d just told her the funniest joke she’d ever heard. “pff. yeah, right. friends. sure,” she said, shaking her head.

before you could even attempt to explain that she was partially wrong, everyone’s attention shifted to the director as she clapped her hands to speak.

“since we’ve successfully wrapped up the first part of our series — thanks to everyone here in the studio who made it happen, especially our two stars,” she gestured toward you and sicheng, “doesn’t this call for a celebration? drinks on me for everyone!”

her words were met with cheers from the crew, and even you felt a sense of relief. a good dose of alcohol might help clear your mind, especially since you knew sicheng wasn’t exactly a fan of these kinds of social gatherings.

“we’re going, right, boss?” haneul asked, clasping her hands together in mock prayer. “please, please, it’s the weekend!”

“yes, haneul, we are,” you said, rolling your eyes with a chuckle. “but don’t overdo it, okay? i’m not in the mood to hear you sobbing your heart out while singing sad songs on karaoke again.”

“yes, boss! I’ll treat it like a work meeting,” she replied with a playful salute. “i’ll grab your things so we can head out!” she added enthusiastically before dashing out of sight.

you took a deep breath, relishing the brief moment of solitude. sometimes, it felt hard to breathe with haneul’s constant energy. she could be... intense. but the peace didn’t last long.

“i didn’t know you drink,” sicheng’s voice came from behind, making you turn to face him. “you used to hate the taste of alcohol.”

honestly, you were tired of seeing his face and hearing his voice more than usual. you didn’t like the way it made you feel, not after what happened. it was as if you were suddenly too aware of the strange, tangled emotions brewing inside you.

“well, a lot has changed since our younger days,” you shrugged, your voice casual. you didn’t feel like diving into it any further. “now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to socialize,” you said, turning on your heels, eager to escape the uncomfortable moment.

“i agree. let’s not keep them waiting,” he replied, his footsteps closing in behind you. you froze in your tracks, his sudden presence unsettling.

“you’re coming too?” you asked, confused.

“of course,” he said with a soft chuckle. “you heard the director, can't have the stars missing out."

“but… you don’t like social events,” you said, your tone almost questioning, as if you were trying to figure him out.

“well,” he said with a small smile, “a lot has changed since our younger days.”

it was awful.

you had been hoping for some space from sicheng, but it seemed like life had other plans. you tried to find a seat as far away from him as possible, but he followed, completely at ease, as if he had no intention of leaving your side. and of course, the table quickly filled up, leaving you both sitting side by side, while you anxiously awaited the drinks.

the mood at the table was light, everyone chatting away. haneul took a seat on the other side, eager to be closer to the staff she was interested in, which meant you wouldn’t be on her radar for a while.

you turned your attention to sicheng as he exchanged a few words with the director, and suddenly, it hit you: why were you freaking out about him? it was just a kiss. a brief, heated moment between two adults that didn’t mean a thing. there was no reason for you to keep acting so weird about it all day. after all, he was still sicheng, your rival. you just happened to kiss him.

sure, a few other things almost happened, too, but... it didn’t mean anything. you were just practicing, after all. yeah. you weren’t affected by it. not even a little. mhm.

you couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you made these sharp observations, feeling a bit more at ease.

“why are you looking at me like that?” sicheng raised an eyebrow, noticing the way you were smiling at him, as if you were staring at someone who’d just failed a basic math test.

“nothing, it’s just too much for your mind to handle,” you waved your hand dismissively, taking a sip of your drink that had just arrived. your words, along with the casual shrug, made him smile and shake his head.

“oh, i’m actually curious about something,” one of the co-actors began, snapping his fingers at you and the man beside you. “do you two really know each other from high school?"

sicheng’s face lit up at the question, clearly happy. then he looked at you, who wasn’t exactly sharing his enthusiasm, and his smile grew even wider. “yes! yes, we do. we were inseparable back then.”

you furrowed your brows at his words. “you mean you followed me around.”

“isn’t that basically the same thing?”

“it’s not."

“anyways,” he shrugged, “it was because of her that I started to get into theater.”

“and i’ve been regretting that ever since,” you added with a smirk.

a few giggles spread through the table at your playful banter, the lighthearted atmosphere catching everyone off guard. it was clear they were starting to see you both in a new light.

“so, all this time you were actually friends? and here we thought you didn’t get along when it’s just your way of showing friendship,” one colleague commented, raising a curious eyebrow.

“no, that’s not—”

“right? that explains why they have such great chemistry!” another colleague cut you off. “i mean, the kiss scene? that must’ve been awkward with a friend, but it probably makes it easier too, doesn’t it?”

“oh, it’s not that,” sicheng began. “it’s because last night we—”

a loud thud echoed as sicheng’s knee slammed into the table, his words cut off mid-sentence. he turned to you, confused, after you had stomped on his foot under the table.

“oops, how clumsy of me,” you said with a saccharine smile, your voice light but your eyes burning into his. “sorry about that.”

he blinked, clearly perplexed, but nodded slowly and turned back to the group. “anyway, as i was saying, we had a—”

this time, you pressed your heel down on his foot with deliberate force. he hissed in pain, snapping his head back toward you. but you didn’t even flinch, your gaze fixed ahead as if you were entirely innocent.

he narrowed his eyes slightly, then leaned closer, sliding a hand onto your thigh. His grip was firm, not enough to hurt, but enough to stop you from trying anything else. the sudden contact made you tense, and your head snapped toward him, your wide, confused eyes locking with his.

“we just had a little talk and came to an agreement,” he said smoothly, his voice calm and convincing.

“oh, that makes sense,” one of your colleagues hummed, nodding as if it all clicked. “that’s why everything worked out so well in the end. you should have done it since the beginning tho!”

sicheng’s words were deliberate, as if he’d sensed your discomfort from the start and had chosen his lie to protect the fragile truth you wanted to hide. but you couldn’t even focus on what he was saying anymore.

your mind was too preoccupied with his hand placement. his thumb was now tracing slow, deliberate circles on your thigh, hidden under the table. your stomach tightened at the warmth spreading through you, that annoying, fluttery feeling you wished you could suppress.

without a word, you picked up your drink and took a long, steady sip, as if the alcohol could somehow cool the heat in your chest.

god, this was going to be a long night.

oh, you were right.

after managing to wrangle sicheng into the passenger seat of your car, you slammed the door shut and made your way to the driver’s side.

sliding into your seat, you shot him an annoyed look, letting out a long, exasperated sigh.

driving a drunk sicheng home was definitely not part of your plans for the night. but somehow, the crew had unanimously decided to throw him at you because, apparently, the two of you were now best friends. all because you shared some ancient history, and probably because he’d grown unusually clingy after a few too many drinks.

you tried to refuse, insisted that you didn’t want to be responsible for him, but they’d waved you off with the ultimate argument: you were the only one who knew his address.

fantastic.

“you stupid idiot,” you hissed, leaning over to fasten his seatbelt. “if you can’t handle alcohol, why did you even come?”

his eyes, half-closed and heavy with sleep, fluttered open as he turned his head toward you. “because you were coming too,” he slurred, his voice barely above a whisper. “i wanted to be with you.”

you froze, his words catching you completely off guard. your surprised gaze met his drunken one, and you hated how fast your heart was racing. this was absurd.

a small, lazy smile tugged at his lips as he murmured your name, so soft it almost sounded tender.

“you’re so pretty,” he mumbled, his head lolling slightly as he leaned closer. “i want to kiss you.”

to say you were malfunctioning from all this sudden talk was an understatement. the way he said it — soft, unguarded — made it far too tempting to close the small gap between you. for a split second, you almost gave in again. almost.

but with a sharp shake of your head, you snapped yourself out of it. instead of letting your lips meet his, you shoved your hand against his mouth and pushed him back firmly.

“as if i’d do something like that,” you scoffed, leaning back into your seat and starting the car.

from the corner of your eye, you caught the way he pouted, looking like a sulky child.

“you’re always so mean to me,” he mumbled, his voice muffled but unmistakably petulant.

“it’s your fault for being like that,” you shot back, your eyes fixed firmly on the road ahead. “now shut up. i can’t focus on driving with your annoying voice in my head.”

“yes, ma’am,” he murmured softly, his tone almost obedient. he didn’t even try to argue, instead leaning back against the seat and drifting off to sleep. the car fell into silence, broken only by the steady rhythm of his breathing and the erratic pounding of your heart.

“god, i must be crazy,” you muttered under your breath, gripping the steering wheel tighter as if it could steady your own thoughts.

the peaceful silence during the drive to his house was doing wonders to calm your racing thoughts and your heart. you kept repeating to yourself that he was just drunk, that his words didn’t mean anything. even you, who hadn’t had much to drink, were clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol.

that was the only explanation you could cling to, the only thing that brought you any comfort in the moment.

a relieved sigh escaped your lips as you parked in front of his apartment. the street was quiet, the dim glow of the streetlights casting soft shadows over the building. turning to him, you called out in a firm, loud voice.

“we’re here. wake up.”

no reaction. not even a flinch.

“sicheng,” you tried again, leaning over to tap his shoulder. still nothing.

“come on,” you grumbled, grabbing his shoulder and giving him a light shake. “wake up!”

absolutely no response.

with a growing sense of irritation, you grabbed both of his shoulders and shook him with all the frustration of someone at the end of their rope. “WAKE UP!”

but it was pointless. he remained blissfully asleep, the alcohol rendering him completely oblivious. you let out a defeated sigh, releasing him as he slumped back into his seat, and pinched the bridge of your nose.

this night just kept getting better.

you couldn’t just leave him passed out on the street — though you seriously considered the idea for a good few seconds. but, in the end, you had no choice but to do something you absolutely didn’t want to do.

“dong sicheng, you better be ready for your death sentence tomorrow,” you muttered through gritted teeth, adjusting his limp body onto your back. he was surprisingly heavy, and you were giving it everything you had to carry him while he, of course, enjoyed the sleep of his life, his soft breaths tickling the back of your neck.

staggering inside the building as quickly as you could, you headed straight for the elevator. you only knew exactly where he lived because, back when you were hunting for a new apartment, you’d toured this building. of course, you’d had the misfortune of running into him that day. sicheng had happily joined your tour, turning it into his personal showcase of his apartment. at least it made it easy to cross this building off your list.

reaching the elevator, you pressed the button, only to stop cold when you noticed the maintenance notice taped to the door.

“you’ve got to be kidding me,” you groaned, staring at the sign like it might change its mind.

sicheng lived on the 11th floor.

this was going to be a nightmare.

to sum up the nigh, believe it or not, you actually climbed the stairs to the 11th floor with sicheng slumped over your back. every step felt like a herculean effort, but you kept telling yourself this was the fastest way to be rid of him.

when you finally reached his door, breathless and drenched in sweat, life decided to have one last laugh at your expense. a keypad lock blinked back at you mockingly.

you stared at it, utterly defeated.

after a moment of recovery, you tried every password you could think of: his birthday, his acting debut date, his mom’s birthday, even your birthday. nothing worked. each failed attempt pushed you closer to a breakdown.

which is how you ended up here: sicheng sprawled out comfortably on your bed, snoring softly, while you stood there, glaring at him with the fury of someone who had well and truly hit their limit.

getting mad wouldn’t do you any good right now. it wasn’t like you could argue with someone who was completely knocked out. all you could do was accept the situation and leave it for the morning, when he’d hopefully be conscious enough to face the consequences.

taking a deep, calming breath, you laid down beside him. there was no way you were sleeping on the couch. too uncomfortable. and besides, the only reason he was in your bed to begin with was because the living room felt like it was miles away, and you absolutely refused to carry him any farther than you already had.

so here you were, stuck sharing a bed with dong sicheng.

“unbelievable,” you muttered, turning your back to him as if that would help you ignore the fact that he was there at all.

but it didn't take long for you to turn to look him, letting your eyes linger on his sleeping face. his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, and his hair fell messily across his forehead, brushing against his soft features. you had to admit, he was ridiculously handsome. there was a princely air about him, something in the elegance of his delicate features that always seemed to catch your attention no matter how hard you tried to look away.

your gaze wandered, tracing the curve of his nose, the sharp line of his jaw, the faint lashes resting against his cheek. and then your eyes stopped on his lips, plump, rosy, and slightly parted.

you swallowed hard.

okay. maybe you wanted to kiss him again.

and maybe, just maybe, you could finally admit that the kiss had affected you far more than you’d been willing to let yourself believe.

your gaze drifted lower, trailing down the curve of his neck. the first few buttons of his crisp white shirt were undone, teasing you with a glimpse of his collarbone and the faint rise and fall of his chest. your eyes wandered further, catching on his hands, broad and elegant, resting lazily by his side.

your brows furrowed slightly as your mind betrayed you, flashing back to the feeling of those hands on your skin.

okay. maybe you wanted to fuck him too.

you quickly looked away, dragging a hand over your face before resting your arm across your eyes, as if that would block out the whirlwind of thoughts spiraling in your mind.

“god,” you muttered under your breath, “i must really be losing it.”

the shrill sound of your phone alarm jolted you awake, your face twisting in irritation as you blindly slapped around the bed. after a few failed attempts, your hand finally found the device buried under your pillow, and you silenced it with a hiss.

groaning, you kept your eyes shut and your head buried in the mattress, hoping to reclaim the comfort of sleep, but it was useless. letting out a defeated sigh, you blinked your eyes open and... froze.

the bed was empty.

you shot upright, the sudden absence snapping you fully awake. your eyes darted around the room, searching for any sign of life. nothing. quickly, you got up and began pacing through your house.

sicheng was gone.

“you stupid bastard,” you hissed, gritting your teeth as a wave of disbelief hit you. “i even carried his dead weight all night for him to leave without so much as a thank you?!” your fists clenched as you let out an incredulous scoff. “dong sicheng, you are so damned.”

a small, frustrated scream left your lips as you stomped toward the bathroom. a nice, scalding shower, it was the only thing that could save both your sanity and sicheng's life at this point.

but, contrary to what you imagined, the bath only cleared your mind enough to make you even more irritated with the situation. it was an affront, an insult! you were going to make sicheng pay for this humiliation! a great outrage! you could already see your hands wrapped around his neck and—

a knock on the door cut through your murderous thoughts. taking a deep breath, you walked over to open it, only for your eyes to widen at the sight of the man you’d been cursing standing there with that infuriating smile.

freshly dressed and looking nothing like the disaster he’d been before, sicheng radiated ease. but you couldn’t care less about his annoyingly perfect face right now.

“i’m gonna kill you with my own two hands, so get ready,” you growled, stalking closer with your fingers curled as if ready to strangle him.

“hey, hey, calm down,” he said, laughing softly as he caught your wrists in his hands, his touch warm and steady. his smile grew wider, completely unfazed by your murderous intent.

"are you seriously asking me to calm down?" you snapped, attempting to push forward again, but he held your wrists tighter, his grip firm yet gentle.

"i know you're mad," he said softly, leaning down to press a kiss to your wrist. the warmth of his lips brushing your skin sent a jolt through you, your resolve faltering. disoriented, you found yourself staring at him, momentarily forgetting why you were even angry. "and i'm here to apologize, of course," he added, his tone dripping with sincerity, though that playful glint in his eyes made you suspicious.

"i climbed up and down eleven floors with you on my back," you managed to say, your voice carrying a hint of annoyance despite your disoriented state. his surprised expression told you everything: he didn’t remember half of what happened last night. "an 'i'm sorry' isn't enough to save your ass."

"i know," he nodded, resisting the urge to ask for a full recap. "which is why i already reserved a table for us at your favorite restaurant."

"what?" you blinked, confused. "how do you even know what my favorite restaurant is?"

"because i’m interested in you," he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "any other reason would just be an excuse, don’t you think?"

your jaw nearly dropped. this was exactly what you liked and hated about him: he was always unapologetically sincere.

you stood there, at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond. but he, of course, didn't miss a beat and took your silence as an answer.

“then it’s settled!” he said with that all-too-confident smile. “let’s go.”

and once again, your silly heart betrayed you, too caught up in the moment to resist.

the place was near your house. it wasn’t anything extravagant, but it had its own charm. cozy, inviting, warm, it felt almost like a safe haven for you. a perfect find for your new place, tucked away from prying eyes.

“and that’s everything you put me through,” you finished recounting the events of last night to him, carefully omitting a few details, like the part where he said he wanted to kiss you or when you accidentally knocked his head on the door frame while trying to get him into your bedroom.

sicheng’s face turned a deep shade of red as he fanned himself with one hand, the other clutching his glass of water. he avoided your gaze for a moment, clearly embarrassed, before stealing a quick sip.

he only remembered bits and pieces of last night, but from what you described, it was worse than he had imagined. guilt settled heavily on his shoulders as he listened.

“i’m really so sorry,” he said, his voice soft and genuine, his wide, puppy-like eyes locking onto yours. “i’m not usually like this. i overdid it yesterday, and i caused you so much trouble. i’m sorry.”

you finished your meal, casually listening to his concerned words. honestly, seeing that guilty, almost childlike expression on his face was oddly satisfying. if you were being fair, dealing with him drunk wasn’t that bad, he was mostly well-behaved. but it was part of your nature to make a big deal out of things, especially when it came to him. besides, a free lunch at your favorite spot had done wonders to smooth over your irritation.

“you’re lucky i’m a very nice person,” you said, shrugging with a mock air of superiority. “i’ll accept all that and forgive you… this time.”

his shoulders relaxed, the tension visibly draining from his body. since the moment he woke up and found you sleeping soundly against his chest, he knew he had messed up. the guilt had weighed heavily on him, and he’d spent the entire morning running through a million different ways to make it up to you. seeing you willing to forgive him so easily was a relief he hadn’t expected.

“thank you,” he said softly, his gaze warm and sincere. “i promise i’ll be more careful next time.”

you raised an eyebrow, your tone teasing. “next time? you think there’s gonna be a next time?”

he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “okay, bad choice of words.”

you chuckled at his words, resting your chin on your palm as you leaned closer, a curious glint in your eyes.

“by the way,” you began casually, “you said a couple of funny things last night too.”

“hmm, really?” he raised his brows slightly, feigning ignorance while signaling the waiter for a dessert. “like what?”

“like going to the meeting just because i was going,” you replied, narrowing your eyes slightly, testing if his drunk words held any truth.

“oh, yeah,” he nodded nonchalantly, turning his attention back to you. “i heard you mention it, so i thought it’d be fun to tag along.”

“saying you're interested in me all of a sudden, still following me around like a lost puppy…” you trailed off, lips curling into a faint smirk. “do you have a crush on me or something?”

“what do you think?” he shot back, mimicking your posture as he leaned in, resting his chin on his palm, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“you know it’s stupid to answer a question with another question, right?” you gave him a bored look, but your tone was far from serious. “but if you do like me, i can only assume you’re a masochist.”

his laughter bubbled up before he could stop it, bright and genuine “what? i’m not a masochist! where is that coming from?”

“well, I’m not exactly nice to you,” you shrugged, feigning indifference. “like, I kinda hate you, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“you do not hate me.”

“yes, i do?”

“no, you don’t.”

“yes, i do.”

“do you kiss everyone you hate?”

your smugness evaporated in an instant, replaced by embarrassment. “shut up,” you muttered, leaning back in your chair, refusing to meet his eyes as he grinned victoriously.

“now that this came up,” he tilted his head, studying you intently, “we never really talked about that, did we? you’ve been avoiding it all day, then i had that little… drunken incident, and we just never addressed it.”

“well, that’s because there’s nothing to talk about,” you shrugged, doing your best to sound casual and unaffected, even as your grip tightened slightly on your glass.

“hmm, is that so?” he clicked his tongue, a mischievous glint in his eyes as his tone turned teasing. “going through all that trouble to get me home safe, kissing me, sleeping all cuddled up on me… you know, i’m starting to think you’re the one who likes me.”

your head snapped toward him, eyes wide. “excuse me?”

“oh, don’t look so shocked,” he chuckled, leaning forward slightly, resting his chin on his hand again. “i mean, actions speak louder than words, don’t they? and your actions…” he trailed off, letting the implication hang in the air as his grin widened.

“first of all, and most importantly, i did not sleep cuddling you,” you said, your tone sharp as if he’d just told you the worst joke of the century.

“oh? but you did,” he replied smoothly, nodding with absolute confidence. “when i woke up, you were hugging me like i was your favorite teddy bear or something.”

“i would never—”

“oh, our dessert, finally!” he interrupted, his face lighting up as the waiter placed the sweet tart on the table. “it looks delicious,” he added, completely shifting gears, as if your denial wasn’t the least bit convincing.

“are you seriously gonna end things like that?” you asked, disbelief heavy in your voice.

“here, say ‘aah,’” he said, raising a spoonful of pie toward your mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“i'm not doing it.”

“say aah.”

“i said i'm not.”

he didn’t budge, just kept looking at you with that infuriatingly cute and bright smile that you couldn’t seem to resist. with an exasperated sigh, you crossed your arms and rolled your eyes, turning your head away. but, of course, you leaned in slightly, opening your mouth just enough for him to slide the spoon past your lips.

your frown quickly softened into an expression of pure delight as the flavors burst on your tongue. the bittersweet tang of the strawberry, the velvety richness of the custard, and the flaky crust of the tart all mingled perfectly. you couldn’t help but sigh and hum in satisfaction. it was that good.

“now that’s a great reaction,” sicheng said, amusement dancing in his voice.

you raised a brow at him, narrowing your eyes slightly.

“besides the faces you make when you’re acting, this has to be one of the most charming expressions i’ve ever seen you make. and those little sounds you’re making? delightful,” he added with a teasing grin.

you nearly choked. “what is wrong with you?”

“i’m just being honest,” he chuckled, clearly enjoying your reaction. “i want to see it again,” he said, holding out the spoon toward you. “open your mouth for me.”

“…no.”

“oh, really?” he raised an eyebrow, his grin widening. “do you really not want to?”

you couldn’t help but think that maybe you were the one with something wrong, because before you even realized it, you silently opened your mouth again, earning a satisfied smirk from him.

“hmm, so greedy.”

“by the way,” you glanced at him, who was walking beside you as you both made your way to your place. “why did you go home so early?”

“why? were you upset that my face wasn’t the first thing you saw in the morning?”

“forget i ever asked anything and just die for all i care.”

sicheng laughed at your annoyed expression. “it’s nothing much,” he shrugged. “i just couldn’t take you on a date smelling like alcohol, right? i wanted to apologize in nice clothes, at least.”

“this was not a date,” you said quickly, hoping to shut him down.

“yes, it was.”

“don’t even start,” you lifted a hand to stop him from going any further, making him laugh once again.

“here we are, safe and sound,” he said as you both stopped in front of your door.

you cursed yourself when you suddenly felt a pang of disappointment at the thought of the moment with him coming to an end. you wouldn’t mind spending a little more time with him, to be honest…

“finally, this infernal time beside you is over,” your words were at odds with your feelings as you looked at him.

“whatever you say, sweetie,” he responded with a fond smile.

it should be illegal for someone to look at you like that, your chest tightening at the soft, affectionate smile he gave you. you hated it. hated how his gaze made everything inside you stir, how it made your heart skip a beat against your will. you wanted to be angry, to push him away, but all you could do was stand there, feeling something you didn’t want to feel.

“you’ll burn a hole into me if you keep staring like that,” he teased, tilting his chin slightly as if silently telling you to come inside, and only then would he head home.

you couldn’t quite understand what had gotten into you when you cupped his face and pulled him in for a kiss. you just wanted to feel his lips again, even if just for a moment, just one more time, that would be enough.

sicheng was caught off guard, but didn’t pull away, letting you lead. you froze, eyes wide, your gaze meeting his.

“i-i’m sorry,” you muttered, suddenly feeling foolish. why had you kissed him just like that?

as you tried to step back, his hands locked around you, holding you steady. he gripped your waist, his eyes burning with desire.

“if you cling to me like this, all i can do is kiss you,” his voice was low, soft. “and that’s fine… if all you want is kisses,” he gave you a meaningful look.

if only kisses were enough to throw your mind and body into disarray… maybe you were greedy, as he’d said, but you weren’t satisfied.

“i want more…” you whispered, barely audible.

that was all he needed to hear before pulling you into another kiss, his tongue urgently invading your mouth as you responded with equal intensity.

you fumbled with the door handle, trying to opem it, while sicheng pushed you inside, never breaking the kiss. he closed the door behind you, his hands guiding you toward your room without hesitation, already knowing the way.

you both nearly stumbled as you hurriedly kicked off your shoes, chuckling against each other's lips. With a quick movement, sicheng laid you down on your bed, his lips trailing kisses from your jaw down to your collarbone. his hands slipped under your shirt, gently caressing your skin.

"i can't believe we're doing this," you murmured, a soft whimper escaping you.

“i told you," he mumbled back, his lips sucking lightly on your skin, peppering the area with soft kisses to soothe you. “you like me.”

well, it's not like you're in any position to argue right now.

he wasted no time in pulling your shirt over your head, exposing your bare torso. “fuck, you're so hot,” he hissed, sucking on his bottom lip as he couldn't help but admire the sight of your hardened nipples, feeling his cock twitch inside his pants.

“stop staring and do something,” your needy voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he was quick to obey your words.

sicheng leaned down to wrap his lips around your breast, his warm, wet tongue swirling around your nipples and sucking hard. your toes curled at the sensation and you moaned softly as you closed your eyes, your fingers tangling in his hair.

as he continued his ministrations on your breasts, his hands found the waistband of your pants. you lifted your hips a little to help him pull them down along your lacy panties, kicking them to somewhere else.

you opened your eyes to look at him, feeling even wetter as you watched him sucking on your tits like he was having a feast. you held his face and made him release your breast, a soft 'pop' sound was heard as he pulled away, looking at you with half lidded eyes.

you shiver slightly as you feel the cool breeze hit your wet breasts, already missing the feeling of his warm tongue on you, but you really wanted to kiss him even more and that's exactly what you did as you pulled him up to attack his lips.

“you taste so good,” he groaned into your mouth, his hand caressing your inner thigh and squeezing it lightly to emphasize his words. his fingers moved up to find yoyr dripping pussy, sliding along your slit and coating his fingers with your juices. “so wet already, you were really waiting for this, huh?” he buried his face in your neck, smoothing your skin with kisses.

it was too embarrassing to admit it and it wasn't like you needed to since your body had been betraying you enough for quite some time now, so all you could do was move your hips down, trying to get his fingers inside you.

“oh, eager, aren’t we?” he teased, lifting his head to meet your gaze, his smirk growing as he noticed the way you bit your lip, your brows furrowed, and your breath coming in short, uneven gasps.

“please, don’t start teasing now,” you murmured, your voice soft but edged with a hint of urgency. you held back from saying anything too daring, not wanting to give him more fuel to prolong his playful torment.

he only chuckled softly, pressing a warm kiss to your cheek before capturing your lips again. this time, he didn’t hold back, finally giving you what you wanted.

a sharp intake of breath escaped your lips as he slid two fingers inside you, thrusting them steadily. he could feel your tight, warm heat clasping around his digits, letting him even more anxious to bury his cock deep inside you.

he began to rub soft circles on your clit with his thumb as he took your breast into his mouth again, the combined actions making you squirm beneath him and moan louder.

he curled and scissored his fingers inside you, soon feeling the way you clenched around them. "close already?" he asked as he raised his eyebrows, and your response was just a fierce nod followed by soft whimpers.

your confirmation made him withdraw his fingers and you whined almost in despair, feeling empty and unsatisfied as he wouldn't let you finish.

"calm down, princess," he lightly slapped your thigh. "i want you to cum on my cock, hm?" he kissed the tip of your nose as he finally got rid of his own clothes and quickly positioned himself between your legs. he collected some of your fluids to spread along his shaft, hard as a rock, twitching with need. "i'm gonna fill this pussy up so good,” he was as impatient as you, so he only teased your entrace with his tip and entered you slowly, grinding against your sensitive clit.

your hands gripped the sheets tightly as you felt him stretching you, filling up any remaining space in your pussy, while he groaned and closed his eyes, enjoying the way your pussy gripped him tightly as if it never wanted to let him go.

"god, you feel so good," he began to thrust his hips against your pelvis slowly, he could feel your tight heat enveloping him, pulling him deeper. one of his hands gripped your hip, holding you in place as he fucked you. "that's it, taking me so well," he encouraged, his pace slow and steady, letting you feel every inch of him.

he’s played with you a lot already, so it didn’t take long for you to feel your climax building again, and he seemed to notice it as he picked up the pace, leaning down to bury his face in your neck.

“cum for me, baby,” he bites you gently and pull away from your neck to watch your face, using his fingers to pinch your clit and bring you to the edge. wrapping your legs around his waist, your breath hitched in your throat as you clenched around him, feeling the knot in your stomach unravel as you creamed his cock.

he wasn’t that far behind you, the whole intense moment was enough to bring him to the edge too, he kept pounding into you and pulled out just in time to empty himself, covering your stomach with his release.

you looked so hot like that that he had to hold back the urge to bury himself inside you again immediately. he let a bit more of his weight press against you, his lips finding yours once more in a lingering kiss.

"okay," you murmured against his lips, slightly breathless, making him chuckle softly. "maybe I like you... just a little bit now."

"just a little?" he teased, nibbling your lower lip with a playful smirk. "didn't seem like 'just a little' to me."

you tilted your head, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "i think we need to try it all over again so i can decide for sure.”

[employee052]

[ROAD TRIP THREAD [BELATED] FINALE]

I FINALLY REBLOGGED ALL THE ROAD TRIP POSTS AAAAAAAAAAA

i know its super late and the events been done for... what? almost two weeks now? but imma get up on my soap box for a bit i promise its not long askjdh

tysm to everyone whos participated in the event in any capacity! whether its just one prompt, or all of them, im just glad people were participating and drawing stuff for it even when i wasnt able to. i hope everyone whos participated enjoyed it!

... and thats all from me on the soap box, its already been a while since it ended but i just wanted to thank yall bc this still was just a small silly little event that i didnt expect much ppl would do. but im glad ppl did do it!

have a good day/night/timezone yall!!! heres to the next fandom event askdjh :333

(also, tomorrow im starting my own road trip! im finally going on my own and not stuck at home this time around. narry will be joining as well! im finally feeling a bit better this time around so heres to hoping things go well for me aksjdh)

[prestonmonterey]

TLT UPDATE!! BEFORE I GO TO BED

(gods im so tired...)

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3

no photos today so heres my cat :P

OPENING NIGHT!!! it went super well!!!!! (i think)

it was PA night so the understudys were percy and annabeth and they killed it!!!!!! :DDDD

also my director gave me a compliment today so im in a good mood (it was somethin along the lines of "you finally did a good job as cerberus" but ill take what i can get...) (i still have beef with him but.. whatever....)

its crazy how fast this show is going and that itll all be over after sunday,, but also i am SO tired bc we literally spend more time at school than at home this week :(

also getting a lotta acne bc im not used to wearing this much make up every day :P

but hey at least ill get to rest a teeny bit on the weekend (just in the morning TwT bc we have matinees)

also my parents and some of my friends are comin tomorrow so they BETTER FUCKIN BUY ME CANDY (i really really really want candygrams... one of the stage managers got like 4 boxes of candy i am so jealous...)

also also also we did the legacy robe last night before preview night and my friend (and mother /ij) got it :DDDD very happy for her

um um um i felt like i had more to say but idk this is already a lot and i cant remember things im kinda tired :P

oh i finally got my camper necklace!!! the beads were missing for like a week but they were just on the table in the costuming room... anyway my friend made it for me during tech class bc shes so so sooo sweet <3 (while i was in math trying to force my friend to study... *stares at neeks* /aff) i got four beads that kinda almost make the ace flag!! (black for tech, silver for the fall play, light blue for this show, and purple for my grade)

idk if i explained it before but all of our necklaces represent how much theater we've done,,, bc its kinda like how long we've been at camp. theres a bead for each grade based on our class colors, and the tlt bead, so everyone gets at least 2. theres also beads for each of the past musicals and plays at school, and a black bead if youve done tech, and a white bead if youve done leadership :D some of the seniors have like most of their necklace filled because of how many shows theyve done

heres another cat pic to keep you engaged and reading this /hj

also also also many many thanks to my wonderful actor and tech friends i would not survive without them (especially thanks to tech bc they have to put up with us actors... /hj) its poseidon's actors first show i think and they have a LOT of quick changes so their section of the rack is,,, kind of a mess. also the lamp for the oracle scene has broken multiple times i think already... and i already left my make up bag out yesterday and my watch in the cubbies today TwT we are a hot mess

my graphic design teacher was acting today :D (the farmer in drive is a teacher role, and they switch out every night) and i love him being so absolutely perplexed by the energy circle before show :333

also i remembered to put setting powder on for the first time,,, and... i forgot that my mom is SO much paler than me TwT (i was very washed out...) so ill probably stick to spray for the rest of the week :P

sorry i really am rambling tonight...

ok i will probably hopefully do at least one more update after strike on sunday!! (depending on how tired i am,, i might just curl up on the floor and sleep after the sunday show actually...) unless something goes horribly wrong,,, then ill probably post about it too

good night!! i need to collapse in bed and try to save up enough energy for tomorrows show :3

have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! (or you'll die straight...)

[rk-ceres]

Neglected PT. 1

George Weasley X Reader

PT.2 PT.3(+18)

George gets busy and you fight.

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

To say the shop was busy was an understatement for the passed two months George has rarely been home, you packed the rest of the food in the bag as you apparated to the office “hey love, i brought you dinner” you smiled at him as he mulled over the paperwork “i was thinking.. we could go out to the movies tomorrow night theres the new Marvel movie that came out, and then hit the muggle arcade. Or Theres a fair in town and i sorta wanted to go with you” you said with some hope in your eyes it was your 25th birthday tomorrow and you wanted to celebrate with your boyfriend by going out on a date “i dont think i can love, i have to get these done by Friday or we’ll be penalized” he said not looking up from his form “but….” You started “love i cant im up to my neck in paperwork” he sighed annoyance in his voice “its my…” “Y/N I SAID NO! IM BUSY JUST GO HOME!” He yelled tears filled your eyes “fine… i’ll just see you at home then. I love you” you sniffled out “love.. wait” he breathed out “Do you even remember what tomorrow is Weasley?” You asked him tears leaking down from your eyes he looked taken aback by you calling him by his last name he shook his head “im sorry love its just the shops been kicking my arse. With Fred on paternity leave its me doing the work of three” “whatever George.” You muttered under your breath “we’ll talk about it when i get home” he said annoyance still in his voice “And when will that be George next month? Or will i see you three months down the line. Do I have to make an appointment for you to come home?” You snapped at him “you havent been home in three weeks” you looked down wiping the tears from your eyes “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO Y/N ITS MY MONEY THAT TAKES CARE OF US NOT YOURS YOU WANT US TO LOSE EVERYTHING WE HAVE AND ARE WORKING SO HARD FOR!” “NO I WANTED YOU TO MAKE TIME FOR ME ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!” You screamed at him finally crying harder his eyes widened as he looked at the calendar on his desk “its the day before my birthday George” “love i…” he started “I WASNT ASKING FOR A FULL DAY GEORGE I WAS ASKING FOR ONE FUCKING EVENING ONE DATE! NEVER FUCKING MIND THANK YOU FOR SO GRACIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT I DONT MATTER TO YOU!” She yelled “WHAT ARE YOU EVEN ON ABOUT! OF COURSE YOU FUCKING MATTER TO ME Y/N!” “YOU SURE HAVE A FUNNY WAY OF SHOWING IT! GOD GEORGE HOW CAN YOU BE SO… SO…” you threw your hands up in frustration “so what Y/n” his voice low warning you to let it go but also challenging you to keep going “so clueless to everyone elses feelings but your own cant you see youre hurting me? Cant you see how much youre ignoring me for what?” Your voice breaks “we’ve been together for almost six years and not once have you forgotten our anniversary… my birthday… you made time for me for every small win I had you celebrated it with me. I took care of you. I took care of you before we even got together LETTING you and Fred get away as a prefect. Turning my head as head girl! I let you test your products on me you turned me completely blue! I never complained because i saw your brilliance and your potential from first year. I helped you not Fred with your potions and working out the bugs because i knew you and him would be big one day and now that you have your success? Your empire? You just forget about me. You know George. i never doubted it, I wasnt one who said you couldnt do it. I supported you. i cooked for you i cleaned for you through your over nighters. I took care of the scars Umbridge gave you. I…. i picked up the physical therapy duties helping you walk again after the war. I SAT UP WITH YOU THROUGH THE NIGHTMARES! I healed Fred while taking a wall to my back for him and after graduation I put my life on hold so you cold shine with your shop. Yes you make more money than i do. But if i had started when i was supposed to id be pulling in just as much as you are but I took that gap year for you to start this” she threw her hand up in frustration as he stared at her nostrils flaring

“but you have always been more important to me George. I LOVED YOU BEFORE YOU HAD MONEY! I LOVED YOU THROUGH HAVING MONEY! I CAN LOVE YOU WITHOUT HAVING MONEY BUT YOURE TOO DAFT TO SEE THAT!” You sobbed furiously wiping the tears from your eys swiping your thumb under your nose his eyes softened as you scolded him “Youre still the most important thing to me so much so that im still loving you even if you…. You dont even…. Realize…. Or notice me” You paused looking up to his eyes filling with angry tears and frustration “but as soon as Fred takes a step forward in life you decide to what? Punish me as if i did something wrong?” Your voice cracked “when was the last time you held me. You even remember that? Did I tell you my grandmother died? And that I need you?” His eyes widened he stepped forward “darling i” “NO DONT CALL ME THAT DONT MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY. YOU DONT GET TO GASLIGHT ME INTO BELIEVING YOULL MAKE TIME FOR US AND THEN YOU DONT! JUST. WHAT EVER GEORGE!” You yell he stops walking tward you “YOU FUCKED UP AND YOU DONT GET TO MAKE THIS RIGHT WITH EMPTY PROMISES AGAIN! TAKE SOME DAMN ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONCE! Youve already promised it George ‘i promise i will make more time for you darling i just have to get through this month’ that was four months ago.” “So youre giving me an ultimatum?!” He yells “no George. Im giving you space to figure out what you actually want in life because the way its been going its sure as hell not me. I cant do this anymore.” “what are you saying Y/n” he huffed “im saying to Look at me and honestly tell me that youre not seeing someone else” you wiped the tears off your face “Y/n… are you saying you think id cheat on you?” He asked ludicrously “Baby… thats… thats not” “what am i supposed to think! Youre never home anymore George! I know. I know the shop comes first. But i… if you wanted to break up with me all you had to do was say so” “youre jumping to conclusions y/n! Youre putting words in my mouth! And assuming things that arent true!” he rolled his eyes “am i? Am i really? When was the last time you came home. When was the last time you kissed me because i cant remember. When was the last time that you told me you loved me? The last time you wanted to even touch me?” He looked down lost in thought “thank you. For your time. But seeing as youre busy and dead set in making me feel worse, unwanted, and worthless. Im going home. I hope you enjoy your dinner. Its your favorite i just made it because i missed you. I hope you dont mind.” he looks at you he reaches for your wrist “we’ll talk when you get home yeah George i know!” You yelled ripping your arm out of his grasp “see you in three fucking months!” You yelled as you grabbed your wand flashing out

he felt guilt for snapping at you he wanted to chase after you but he didnt he just rubbed over his face in frustration. You understood. You did but it still hurt. disapperating back to your flat you called Hermione sobbing a few minutes later he Flooed back into the flat needed to make sure you were okay. Your loud sobbing could be heard from the living room as he stepped out “i didnt mean to bother him.. i just wanted to be with him at some point tomorrow was that so bad of me? Is it so bad that i want to see him at least once every thirty eight hours or To request his attention?” She spoke into her phone “all i wanted for my birthday this year was for my boyfriend to spend some time with me. I dont want presents or a party at all. No lavish gifts just spoil me with attention love and kisses. All I wanted was was his time and attention like before thats enough i didnt mean to piss him off Mione…” she sniffled “hes never yelled at me like that before we’ve never fought like that at all! We yelled at eachother and i hated it. Its just like my aunt and uncle Dursley it brought me back to privet drive. this is exactly what i didnt want! i mean yeah. We’ve fought but hes never yelled. I froze… and yelled back he didnt even tell me i love you too. He just stared blankly at me and said ‘we’ll talk when i get home’ like hes home every night he hasnt been in our bed for two months he comes home to shower thats it! Im lucky if i see him before he pops back off!” she started to cry harder hurt hit him as he listened through the door “do you think theirs another woman?” You sniffle “maybe he’s found someone who’s worth the effort and its not me” you sobbed “when i asked he dismissed it like i offended him and he got so defensive about it it makes me think that he’s gone back to Angie” he was about to open the door “But its fine. Im fine. Its just another day anyway. I’ll just watch movies alone. Again i called off of work i dont think i can work like this” she sobbed into the phone “i mean i know my department in the ministry doesnt pay well i know but i love it it makes me feel like im actually making a difference i dont want him to fall behind because he takes care of me so i can do what i love but three hours tops. Thats all i asked i asked for three hours three hours of his undivided attention” she sniffled “no no. You and Harry dont have to come over, im sorry i ruined your date and dropping everything to listen to me rant. its fine im not up for company anyway. I just wanted him. Hes all ive ever wanted and dreamed about.” You sniffled as his grip loosened on the guest bedroom door “its just that for once i wish i was a priority, im fine with being an option… i know he works hard, and he’s stressed and things are hard right now one day. One day him to myself i havent asked for anything in months i pick up the slack at home. He leaves the house in shambles and i cook and clean when i get off tuck him in when he faceplants on the bed exhausted Mione he hasnt touched me since the baby was born and Fred went on Paternity leave he hardly even looks at me when hes home i feel so useless its like im invisible” she sighs out “i know he’s busy Mione but its been almost seven months since hes touched me or even looked at me! And when i try to talk t’im he gets snippy! Its like he doesnt remember me. Like im so insignificant that its easy to forget. Maybe I should just leave…. Maybe its over between us and he just hasnt found the right words to tell me that he’s fallen in love with another girl and hes.. hes just stuck with me. Ive moved into the guest bedroom im giving him space to figure out what he wants because i cant do this i really cant i dont know if im just being insecure or if i actually do have something to be worried about. i dont even think he’d notice if i just. Moved out completely” you let out sob after sob

“it would make it a little better if i knew where we stood if he still wants me the way he did when he promised me kids and a wedding, im just still his annoying clingy girlfriend that he just kicked out of his offic e!” ‘You can come stay with Harry and i for a while if you want too’ George heard Mione’s voice on the other end of the line “i cant. I cant leave him, hes still my one and i… I love him… i just needed to rant its not all bad, hes sweet and kind i just have to get through this paternity leave and hopefully things will be better” you sniffled “i just miss the man i fell in love with i havent seen him in a while” your voice broke “do you want Harry to talk to George? I can…” “No Mione it’ll only make it worse” you cried “i need to get to bed. Call you in the morning?” Your voice cracked “are you sure you dont want me to come over “im sure Mia” “if you dont call me by 11. In coming over. To check on you we’ll eat icecream and cry together.” after your phone call you laid on the bed sobbing with your knees to your chest

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

[softcarebears]

POOKIE WE HAVE CONFIRMATION ON ALL THREE THEORIES

pinkie has a crush on bbsf. she does, i was taking to one of my friends who imma call smiley. and for context, even tho they technically knew each other bc smiley used to be friends w/ june and violet. anyways i like probably introduced pinkie and smiley on the last day of school, in which pinkie revealed that she has like a massive crush on bbsf. which actually like really explains why pinkie has been avoiding me sense then bc on the last day of school pinkie asked bbsf if he would date me. he responded w/ a laugh, smiling and saying “why not?”. BUT what i didn’t know was that pinkie also asked bbsf if he would ever date her and he said “probably not”. and sense then pinkie has been avoiding me.

pinkie has a crush on me. she did at one point like me, don’t know when, the council agreed that it was probably earlier this year bc she had a crush, said it was a girl, but wouldn’t tell anyone.

we already confirmed that she was jealous of me, but oh god it got worse today. as u know, me and my friends r all american and today was the 4th of july. so while i was out w/ smiley, making vanilla and dr pepper floats in plastic shot glasses that we got from the dollar store while sitting on the sidewalk in front of a hardware store. bbsf was out of cali like i said and let’s just say was doing some… not so kid legal things like drinking a six pack of beer all by himself and vaping w/ his half brother. finally tho for my little explanation, we have pinkie, who was sitting at home playing video games all day. she didn’t go to any of the 3 parades even tho one passes by her house. she didn’t go see any of the 5 fireworks shows, she didn’t go to the races, nothing. so while i’m sitting in the bed of my sister’s truck w/ smiley waiting for the fireworks, bbsf texts the group chat that he’s like wasted out of his mind and then me, him and smiley get to talking bc we’re all part of the trashy party group and according to violet, pinkie got pissed reading the messages. not bc of what bbsf was doing, no it was bc he was talking to me and not her. luckily she doesn’t know that he was pming me too and not just talking in the gc bc she would have had a heart attack i’m pretty sure 💀

so ya everything has been confirmed, but we do have one more little micro theory from smiley. pinkie views me as a threat. for even more background info on the last day of school, one of smiley’s (and pinkie’s new) friends asked bbsf out, but he instantly rejected her bc we’re 2, almost 3 years older and at our age that’s a lot. plus he hardly knew her name and had like never talked to her. funny little fact abt that, pinkie didn’t give a fuck abt her asking bbsf, but she cares abt me and him just texting. so smiley is 99.9% sure she sees me as a threat

oh noo...😔

OH I WAS HALF WRONG...SO EW...

istg where do you get those codenames💀

WAIT WAIT WAIT SHE ASKED BEE BEE ESS EFF IF HE WOULD DATE YOU?? naur she tripping fr...she gave herself away😬

OMG NOT HIM SAYING WHY NOT... HAH CAUGHT IN 4K

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

(i read your recent ask...girliepop i've been done with exams since this monday...💀BUT i do have my Delf B2 (its a french exam) exam tomorrow...did i practice or study my french...absolutely not...lmfao... (in french) je vais me faire prendre une grosse raclée demain cela c'est sure et certain...😭 j'ai juste peur...why did i sign up for this...because my french teacher told me to do it because i got ✨potential ✨yes i may have been the only one that scored an A in french literature for igcses and got a prize but still...😔 (secretly flexing)

but tomorrow its the oral comprehension, comprehension passage and the writing part...im mostly scared for the writing part...😬

and then WEDNESDAY is the oral part...where you speak french...😔(in french) c'est cette épreuve que je redoute le plus...oui le français peut être la deuxieme langue que je parle... but im more confident in my english than my french...and i speak english more frequently and ALL SUBJECTS ARE DONE IN ENGLISH except for french ofc good thing everyone is scared of this one...i hope i get an easy theme...or im jumping...off a cliff and crying my heart out...

also we barely had delf classes due to the week thingies and the anniversary of the school...but they did send us vids of how its going to be...😔we had a formal letter given to us...only 6 people actually did the homework💀...i already watched one vid...so im gonna go try to practice the letter and study the formats for writing and watch the rest of the vids later...😭

wish me luck queen..im trying to reply all the asks today..😔

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okay lets go back to this..oh so i was kinda right interesting...we love enemies to lovers😩

bbsf vapes and drinks at 14 ...naur that is bad😭bro's lungs bout to turn ashy as fuck

JE VAIS PRENDRE PINKIE PAR LES CHEVEUX ET JE VAIS LUI JETER HORS D'UNE FALAISE C'EST PAS POSSIBLE...ELLE ME SAOULE AVEC SES CRISES DE JALOUSIE!! elle s'agit comme une grosse gamine hein elle me fais chier putain...désolé pour mon language...(rate my french my sigma ball🥖)

bee bee ess eff ain't trying to catch a case purr we love a conscious and semi-rational king! (semi because he vapes...)

EXACTLY ELLE PENSE QUE TU ES L'ISRAEL ET QUELLE EST LA PALESTINE...sorry i had to...🤲🏻🙏🏻

she mad she ain't a slayful talented pretty coquette lana del rey esoteric manic pixie dream girl like you...so ofc she sees you as a threat we been knew...💥✨

not me taking...2 weeks to reply to one ask....💀

i think some followers might be shocked that i can speak french...well surprise!!😭😭

[furious-mango]

Another one crazy AU idea.

What if mphfpc was a feel-good comedy with the elements of musical? No one’s dead, everyone’s happy And the main character isn’t Jacob

Who then? Bentham brothers

[idk where's Alma in this au so feel free to add somethin to the story to fulfill her absence]

I see it so clear because you know what? It’s The Greatest Showman!

Phineas Taylor Barnum [P.T.!!!] Look at this man! He looks like both Jack and Myron imho

They’re like two sides of man actually. The one who wants SHOW and applause and to be looked upon with delight and so on And another, who wants show too but also wants to be with his family / loved ones

The Greatest Show [beginning]

How handsome he is.. i cant handle

In de beningi... ngi... nevermind. In the beginning he appears more calm but clearly enjoys the action. That's Myron's feature

That last part when the lights and music fades away but he keeps quietly singing those words…. im gonna start crying rn

I feel like Myron is lost in himself and in what he's doing but keeps going. Jack, on the other hand, is confident

The Other Side

oh look who's there! So young and yet innocent Percival Murmeow

Jack recruting Percy to quit loop life and join his emo band / circus / rebellious group etc. [underline as appropriate]

and after that they're dancing on tables. we all want to see Jack and almost drunk Percival dancing on tables and then makin the deal of their life.

"Sir, it looks like you have yourself a junior partner" "What I have is an overcompensated apprentice"

[oh shut up. I love them all sooo much]

Actually there's still some kind of rebel happening. But it's the Art rebellion. And they're singing:

Forget the cage, 'cause we know how to make the key Oh, damn! Suddenly we're free to flyyy

Just to rewatch this masterpiece with new perception:

Percy is younger (late teens I think) but soon he’ll become taller and overgrow Jack^^

Aand we're moving on to Myron!

Once again my man is lost and distraught. I want to hug him very tight... But he isn't broken. He has so much strengh inside

From now on These eyes will not be blinded by the lights From now on What's waited 'til tomorrow starts tonight Tonight

Let this promise in me start Like an anthem in my heart From now on From now on

And he will come back home... Home, again.... *distant sobbing*

The Greatest Show [end]

Jack is basking in the light and glory

I think even in this au Jack might want to gain divine powers. Just to make his show more breathtaking, spektacular, thrilling etc.

[imagined blue-cloud-Caul singing The Greatest Show with many voices…… creepy. but also epic]

Myron is also here! Finally living his best life

the grimbear instead of elephant. Now it's Myron riding PT

aand im done with going insane with characters and songs. or maybe not... Anyway! Thanks for reading! please tell me what do you think about it. i really wanna talk about mphfpc///

[theguardianace]

sits down in front of you. dump all your wxs event leaks on me im also procrastinating on hw i wat to hear all of it

ok. so

this will definitely change once we get the event summary tomorrow, but my gut reaction based on the nene's card where tsukasa gets in a fight with sakurako, thus leading to him not being able to participate in the show in some capacity, explaining why he seems to be watching a play on the phoenix stage in more formal attire with such a pained look. if this is the case, it would provide both wonderlands x showtime with the feeling of actually performing without tsukasa and a full troupe, and for tsukasa, what it feels like to leave them. (this would hurt a lot). good ending for the event then would be they realize seperation would genuinely hurt them all so much so for the time remaining, cherish it all. cherish the stage you have and let it take you as far as possible.

a lot of the phrasing for this event seems to revolve around phoenixes, so i'm guessing the play will most likely have that as the theme. phoenixes represent rebirth. in a way, isn't that what tsukasa has been doing all this time? a phoenix will rise from it's ashes. in tsukasa's case, his ashes may well be his forgetfulness. in the main story, it was his forgotten desire to make people smile, to bring joy to his sister. once he truly remembered his feelings, it did almost seem as if he 'rebirthed' himself, in a way. he was still the same ol tsukasa, but he was more aware of the feelings of those around him, arrogant but less cocky, able to sacrifice some of his ambition for the greater good. over the course of wxs seperation arc, it feels like he's forgetting these things again. he's starting to become soley focused on stardom again, albeit differently- he's looking for ways to grow as an actor, but he's overlooking the stage he currently stands on and the people he's standing with. something about working with the phoenix stage might make him realize this and potentially set another "reset" in the more metaphorical sense? the most important thing to tsukasa is family. will he finally realize wxs is family, too? this is pretty loose conjecture though.

i really love the symbolism of the rocking horse. tsukasa is the pegasus guy. loves comparing himself to one. pegasus are mythical and beautiful and ultimately free. they can soar as high as they want, go wherever their heart takes them. tsukasa wants to reach the stars! he wants to go to wherever he can get even better, even higher. but the rocking horse is grounded. it can't go very far, if at all. right now, tsukasa is stuck where he is, rocking between a decision- a dream and a home.

The strings he's tied to in the trained card sort of play into that feeling of "stuck". sure, the standard meaning of marionette strings are manipulation and control. imprisioned marrionette used that very well to show how mafuyu, and by extent nightcord, isn't in control of their own being. it's different here, though. we can't see what tsukasa's strings are attached to. they almost seem to be holding him down to the ground below- to the wonder stage.

the light in the eyes is a pretty common thing people point out, but i really love the way it's done in this set. emu's the only one with any light, pretty much. nene's acknowledged the fact wxs won't last forever. it's something she's aware of, but to her, it's still in the far future. rui? the thought of leaving this troupe physically pains him. he knows they'll leave. he almost left! but this is the only home he's ever known. he can't lose it that easily, no matter how much he tries. and tsukasa? well, this is his event, isn't it? he wants to go past the wonder stage, but can he truly let this troupe go? emu, though. she knows they'll all leave. she knows that by pushing her friends towards their dreams, she'll eventually push them away from her. she knows that. but she knows it's ok.

the placement of the tear marks seem to be significant, too. both rui and emu have theirs on the same side. the two who dream, but who can't leave because of them. nene and tsukasa have them on the other side. the two that dream, but who must leave because of them. it's also interesting that rui, nene, and emu have three tear drops leading to a star, but the star has his star creating the tear.

less of an analysis with meaning, but the costumes seem to reflect their standard stage outfits and the props standard wxs imagery. tsukasa's coat, emu's dress, nene's ribbon, rui's coat and bowtie. the triangle ribbon banner, the chick plushies, the confetti, the pins

i don't know if you've seen the music video for the song yet, but there's a scene in it where tsukasa sits on the cresent moon holding a bunch of balloons. the balloons have various symbols and references to past wonderlands x showtime events. it's hard to tell with the low quality of the game size, but ones i could see so far were rui's hat from wonder halloween, the plane from pop! in my heart, and presents from the christmas show. tsukasa is looking at those balloons fondly and has the strings wrapped around his finger. he does truly value wxs. he loves the memories he's made, the places they've gone, the growth they've found. the strings are long, though. you can't see them when tsukasa is just sitting there on the moon (which, when you think about it, isnt' that pretty close to the stars?). they're there, but they seem distant, somehow. balloons are fragile things, too. one wrong move, and they'll all float away....

anyways that's what i have right now!! i cannot wait for this event it will hurt so so so so so much but i have the sinking feeling it will end up ok. also mr showtime is such a good song. it's so cute. the animation is wonderful, somehow combining the darker vibes of this set with a standard wonderlands x showtime flare. it's catchy, and despite the event seeming like the pinnacle of wxs seperation arc, it's the most unified they've been in a com. also tsukasa sounds so good. i'm usually pretty neutral on his vocals, but he really really shines in this one.

[godlovesmemore]

a d d e r a l l & I got high driving again.

did not get pulled over by police. took more then last time but was more careful/safe — besides popping them while driving. was it cool? no but theres the rush when it feels illegal. i spaced them all out and thought about each one. the first one was genuinely because i was due for one and i forgot to take it before i started driving. that one was legal.

on the second one i knew it was more than necessary. i questioned my motives — is this my addiction talking ? its me and yes both are true. i also felt in my heart god said its ok to go ahead so i didn’t question the gut instinct. by this I mean it was a calling to do it and not a want of my own, my want comes after from curiosity, the pull where will this pill (direction) lead this time, good or bad? if i know its gods call i should take it, trust, break the law. if you’re not sure ask permission. be sure god says its ok, not yourself. then it’ll work out

By the time i took the 3x i was lost at some deadend — and thought wouldn’t this be a perfect place to pop a final one — my gut reaction (addiction) says take another — I wonder is it ok god? whatever the fuck you wanna do; god says — he’ll get high too. Update hours later. its 10pm and i just took another even though god said no. free will? actually it’s the opposite = addiction

edit

i just got home from seeing family, took a 2 hour long car ride in the country. trying to find god, reasons to live. reconnect by drowning out my feelings with bass music. i needed to decompress, so did some recreational drugs, slightly testing to see the effects going over the prescribed dose. its difficult to tell how it affects you unless your actually doing something (driving) so 3x in one hour and id say im feeling like i took a small dose of xanax — adhd meds really do calm me but its the mania = my addiction. if you’ve never done manic before you’ll just never know the high. i couldn’t sleep the past 2 days now and i haven’t eaten but i hope i can get real sleep tonight. new rule never exceed 6 pills in a day and try to stay below 4 — im only ordered 2x a day

5x today total i need to order more pills tomorrow

—feeling a come down from the last tab at 10 pm. this mania is truly tired out i hope she’ll still be with me tomorrow. mania must have just started today, honestly right when driving home. i guess something about leaving my familys house triggered it. id been feeling mad depressed lately. last night i felt so worthless deep down in my core. it was right there like i could hold onto it. yet ive managed to have my pills under control pretty much since being pulled over. yea nobody wants me manic—but its the only time i ever want to be alive. if you cant love me manic you dont get to know about my medication usage either. remember next time always hide mania from everybody — never trust anyone close to you but god

Im in bed right now, almost 1 a m — with bipolar i fear feeling better (moments like these) ill fear this moment because feeling better is probably gone tomorrow. so we stay awake, dont eat or sleep because maybe ill get another day with myself — the best part of me — a lovable me. i will remain sober from drugs. jesus help me i cannot go on with this life soberminded.

medicine is safe — its clean, im prescribed it. so what if i found the magic pill to become manic when it suits me: life fucking hacked.

[lauraashleyhomedecoratingbook]

another thing lately though is that i find such solace in spending time on my own. i have always known this about myself but reflecting on my recent life i find time spent out of the house on my own a very fond memory. even the other day when i hung out with *********, while I had a nice time and i enjoyed spending time with them, I do recall on my train ride there almost wishing that I had the day to spend with myself. but maybe that is just because i have been limiting my time spend exploring the world alone lately - not limiting in the sense that i do want to do it but i am not letting myself, more just i have not been spending as much time. and that day was one of the first where i felt i could have left the house and done something before work in a good few days, and in that moment i wanted to spend it alone. tomorrow, or i guess now today considering the hour, i will hang out on my own. i have work at 5 which is nice because it means i can come back home in decent time but then still have something to occupy the rest of my day, besides staying at home and rotting my brain on my phone.

i think tomorrow i will definitely go to purchase new sewing machine needles as i broke the one on my machine, and even though i can recall buying a pack of multiple needles and having many left, i cannot recall where i put them. so i will buy more needles so i can continue my sewing dreams (lol) and maybe i will buy something else i don't know maybe some starbucks which is a trend of recent times and im not sure what else i would like to do something different to my normal city outings maybe i will finally go to the opal museum but also something in my mind feels like that will be too much for one day and too extrenuous before work. however i also feel like i am making that up and i just need to go. but then also another part of my mind tells me i should save the opal museum for a day where i truly have nothing to do like no work or anything so i have something more sufficient to fill up my day. i still need to go to the jail i have been wanting to do that for a while i think the tickets are kind of expensive though i will check and i will also check if the opal museum is even open tomorrow because tomorrow is sunday which i find the most depressing day of the week because nothing is open and everything is dead and there are hardly any people about and it makes em depressed. though i dont like places being too buys, especially the city as it is insufferable when it is busy, i do like to be surrounded by people. i find it comforting. who knew i would write this much right now not me but here i am. i wonder if i will ever reread any of these posts or they will just exist online and alone forever.

[zaptap]

oh yeah pokemon tomorrow

i think sv dlc announcement (and home compatibility) is pretty obvious. who knows what form it would take though. hoping it’s kalos related because kalos is like. right there (also all the kalos starters are in the game already... though it’s not like we went to alola in ss dlc so that’s not an indicator of anything on its own)

the dlc could also fix 2 of my biggest problems with the game, which are the following

missing pokemon (probably not getting fixed since this is the 5th game in a row with this issue) (subset of this is missing national dex, which hasn’t been seen since oras and is therefore more unlikely to return)

specifically missing zubat line (crown tundra fixed this for ss, they could do it again) (i always have a crobat on my team you can’t do this to me).

you always have to wear the stupid school uniform. if we go to kalos we can get stuff from their boutiques and (maybe because we beat the game) they let us change out of that shit (if not then they aren’t doing kalos right)

other pokemon stuff i’d like to see (or might be there)

new detective pikachu game (WHERE is the evil blue pikachu they teased in 2013 that didn’t show up in the game or the movie i need it to be there it’s been almost a decade since we first heard about it

it would be nice if they finally released soundtracks for the past 4 games but after skipping so many i think maybe they’re done. shame

id like pokemon sleep to come out so joe serebii can get some. maybe me too idk

now that i think about it it’s been 3 years since the pmd remake came out? what the fuck? i feel like i just started playing it the other day. im not even that far. what the hell? how??? anyway that means i guess maybe it’s not too early for them to be working on a pmd2 one. im so overwhelmed though. they seriously need to stop making video games for like 10 years so i can just catch up. except splatoon that can stay

idk if im watching this live because i didn’t get much sleep last night and it’s absolutely going to screw up my sleep for the night if i do that. depends on when i go to sleep i guess, idk (my sleep schedule has been so fucked up that staying up until it starts would be easier but then i have to get up for work 3 hours after it ends)

come to think of it i didnt watch last year’s live either. hard to get  as excited about new pokemon stuff as i used to and im also sick of these 6am presentations. if it was splatoon id do it though.

[indigo474]

21623-

Today was the first day i didn't feel like i was drowning. My work days/weeks are starting to have a rhythm to them. Maybe there is hope- there is always hope. I've been filled with self doubt the past few weeks- no fun. I try my best to be gentle with myself. One thing i do know for sure and i tell myself is that these feelings will pass. they always do and i always feel better again. let them come let them go...get out of your head April..also give yourself time. My team is coming along nicely. I'm getting the results I want out of them. I don't care for one of the new people on my team. I can't let it show. there are a few reasons she gets under my skin but a big one is her inability to look me in the eye. Not all the time-just when she's lying to me.

i want to send my mom a copy of my promotion letter. the little girl in me wants my mom to be proud of me. I haven't sent it yet because i don't trust her. Im scared she will send it to X. I don't trust my own mom. She wanted to me come over on Sunday. I don't want to. It's my only day off and i don't want to spend it with her- plus its a long drive and my car is in need of repair. she texted me while i was watching the super bowl. she asked me to call her. the old me- the april who thought if just tried harder or did what she wanted me to she would love me would have called her. I would have not watched the super bowl and called her and then would have regretted not doing what i wanted to do. I didn't call her. I explained i was watching tv and enjoying it and i would call her at a later time. When i did call her the next day she sent the call straight to voicemail. she doesnt like it when i have boundaries. she will never see my place because she refuses to call before coming over. it was the same at Chatham- she stopped coming over when i told her i needed her to call before and not just show up. it is what it is- but the child in me still wants her to be proud of me. i am proud of me.

Mads is still vegan. I'm proud of her. 16 weeks until graduation. I can hardly believe it. it's been almost a year since she has spoken to her father. a year ago she didn't want to live-today she is excited about cauliflower.

i saw Kika tonight. she was ok. i wish i could bring her home and love on her. I benched 87x5 today- it almost seemed easy- almost- that last one was hard. i'm not sure if i should keep going 2x a week. i like it- i worry about money. i'm currently having cash issues because of switching banks. i have to do more banking tomorrow - i haven't food shopped and i haven't done laundry. i went and got waxed last night which throws off my whole week. Its going to rain tomorrow and im going to go for run.

I am proud of myself- i know i can do this supervisor thing. I have a girl on my team who has some issues- a few write ups-never on time. i'm her 3rd supervisor- we are working on her being on time- she told me she can't because it's too hard and this is how she is and on and on. she kept saying it's just tooo hard- i finally said to her i know you can do hard things. she looked and me and said your right i can. she hasn't been late since. it's only been 2 weeks or so but she hasn't been late and she is making all her punches. promising- we shall see what happens.

April,

I am proud of you! You are doing a great job. i love you.

[pepprs]

the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome

[arrowlock]

ughhh i feel so stressed

[medusa1597]

keanu used to live with a lesbian couple and they used to go to gay bars and watch dinasty all together..... wish that were me