#also if you dont know any of these people you can just go off of vibes fghjdksla
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Criticising korean fans when they do something actually dodgy is all fine and good, should go for anyone who does invasive or weird, shit but also the amount of times now I see (usually western) fans just being like. Blatantly xenophobic and racist. Pretty much being like Yuck korean fans.... ?????? You're obsessed with a KOREAN POP ACT? why are you saying Korea like it's a slur you weirdo
#like months back when the fanmeetings were happening i followed a lee know fansite who attended#and they werent korean and then had the audacity to be like Wow im so shocked /those people/ were actually so friendly to me#those people? those people?#also on the rude invasive fan front people followed those boys around in chicago and filmed them so the invasive fan thing is not#exclusively a korean fan thing- theyre in korea the most so not shockingly the most incidents happen there#and obviously the kfan culture in gen is worrying#but i see almost as much weird and bad behaviour when they go elsewhere so again maybe dont be so holier than thou#call out weird shithead behaviour for sure- ive done it woth white washing a bunch but the second you go into /those people/#territory- well. fuck off idk i have no advice its just wild seeing sometimes tweets with hundreds or thousands of likes#that are so blatantly fuckin obvious#like at this point its fair to say any kpop fan from anywhere around the world can be a fucking weirdo asshole 🫶 everyone be better 🫶#text became small but wont change so idk im whispering this post i guess
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"Madam Yu would be a Karen/ treat minimum wage employees like shit-" literally the only servant she's shown abusing is Wei Wuxian (and that's because he's the victim of a proxy war between her and Jiang Fengmian around the idea of him being adopted into the family, not because of his class). Madam Yu's two handmaid's love and respect her, and Madam Yu actually defends them when Wang Lingjiao tries being a Karen to them. She also tells Wang Lingjiao to fuck off when she demands the Jiang servants bring her tea.
Also, Karens are unpleasant women, but not all unpleasant women are Karens. That term is about entitlement and being unreasonable (and often times, racist). Madam Yu is mean and unpleasant to talk to, but she keeps most of her interactions brief and probably doesn't have the time or mental energy to be a Karen or hold a grudge that long. If you want an actual example of a Karen in mdzs, Wang Lingjiao is right there
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#grand master of demonic cultivation#for those confused on who I'm arguing against- this is about comments left on the “who'd be more insufferable online” tournament#I'll stop writing Madam Yu defense posts when y'all start actually looking at how she's described in the books#you guys just parrot and amplify the same “woman mean” narrative about her and its frustrating#I'm convinced most of you dont even read what she says or know she has motivations#and because i get at least one person going “so you're excusing child abuse” every time I talk about her-#No. I am not defending or excusing any of the bs she's actually done in canon#child abuse bad. theres just a lot of misinformation out there on what that abuse actually entailed#1 or 2 lashes that do not break the skin + shit talking and kneeling is a different punishment from whipping someone till they can't move#the former was her usual interaction with wwx. the later was an act to get the wens to fuck off#also can you guys please acknowledge the fact she was incredibly angry and on edge in canon because a war was about to start#and her kids and clan (but especially her kids) were being put in active danger#and that her ranting sessions happened around her family and she was venting#and that she's shown being cordial to unrelated people#she's a well respected figure. that wouldn't happen if she was a karen#and if we're looking at a modern au where there isnt a war happening she probably wouldnt be as on edge
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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is there any actual catharsis in the boys or is it all just suffering and scrambling for a crumb of relief
#bc i cant handle whump without a bit of silver lining#its why i didnt like game of thrones#theres just so much suffering and the entire time you want just something to go right for the characters you like#but its just bad thing after bad thing#and the people you dont like keep getting worse and getting away with it#i already know homelander will exhaust me#theres enough celebrities and rich people that do horrific shit and get away with it in real life i dont need that in my shows too#like for a while? i can deal#but season four is airing and this mother fucker is still adored even if he is being sued or something#i know its not the type of show with clear cut good guys and bad guys thats not what i mean#but yeah is there any relief? or any good things?#or is it just it starts off bad and gets worse and thats the point#i need there to be a reason for all the suffering you know?#so far i like black noir (though i know what happens to him) butcher and a train#and a little bit of the deep but i can also see him annoying me for long chunks of time#is it bc elliot knight is in the new season and i can do a cod crossover with it? maybe so#either way i’ll probably end up not watching it and just watch vicariously through gifs and fic lmao#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#the boys#homelander#billy butcher#soldier boy
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thinking abt the ggy easter eggs rn
#im so ready for whateber theyre cooking#this is like the only era rn where the sw games arent interesting me rn im so ready to want to engage again#plz focus on ggy vanny gregory vanessa cassie and not cassie dad mapbot dying absent father doing nothintnfor the story#and a game based totally off of books instead of the other way around#i really hope SW games dont become super tftp oriented#as in they make games based off of books instead of the other way around#that would suck majorly#a ggy game would be new content based off of game lore that does exist for ggy and not the book#like patient 46 and his canonical mysterious past#plus everything the tapes said he did#it could be so good#i really want to just see like. any progression of the story#outside of very basic ideas like 'vanny cassie' that are probably going to happen but are so bare bones#theres not much you can think about#insyead of useless plots like cassies dad. sorry but its true if hes the hw2 story he does nothing#nothing that cassie couldnt have also done if shes the protag#i know that sotm has to happen before they can progress so im being patient#but man#i hope we get more stuff like ruin that has good linear on screen storytelling and is more character oriented#everybody liked ruin but not everyone likes sotm#when hw2 came out i saw soo many opinions not just by me and the moots or something but just#fans on twitter diehard or casual#that hated how hw2s story was handled#people actually want storytelling now at sb and ruins scale instead of old school barely comprehensible frustrating lore#thats what sotm feels like its leaning into and im not excited#i hope its a one time thing since its a good chance to do that#a game that already takes place in the og fnaf days#before it even#of course its a good idea to put old school easter eggs and characters and story and stuff of the og days#i just miss my guys :(
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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i love when the goy ally outrage at snw has nothing to do with bacon or anything and theyre just like SO APPARENTLY ETHANOL PECK IS NOT JEWISH IM GONNA KILL SOMEONE????? HE IS A JEWISH CODED CHARACTER AND IS SO IMPORTANT TO THE JEWISH COMMUNITYTOHAVEJEWISHACTORSPLAYJEWISJCHATRACDTHSIISBHVSGHUJ like yeah babes. zach quinto is also not jewish r u gonna call the cops. they are never gonna cast a jew to play spock ever again thats what u get when u ask for tos remakes just saying
#ethanol peck.....💖im not fixing that#i just feel like? ik im generalising but i feel like jews r not rushing mad to remake tos because spock is leonard nimoy#so the ppl putting 2024 tos on tv are gonna be the ones who dont give a fuck abt his jewishness +prolly dont even know hes jewcoded#can i be real w u it's a form of oncelerization#it's taking spock and changing almost everything that makes him him bc thats not why they like him#they just really wanna fuck a bowlcut skinny strongman with pointy ears or think the way he talks is funny like sheldon bangtheory#and they have never heard of deoncelerisation so they just go hello america allow me to introduce u to spock not my oc blade this is spock#and the offness also heavily relies on the fact tht people r averse to replicating 60s vibes in any way#no one wants to admit that its set in the 60s future and not our future#its a different thing and u will never get it right if u cant incorporate that energy back into it#you will never be the orville :/#orville is not officially recognised cus its just too true to classic paramount was like no we cant allow this vhbkbj#but fine i understand ur priorities r different make ur little swagless sheldon show ig#i WILL be watching it
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wahhh i got tagged by @cirrates, thank u benny :3
rules: make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same.
aaaand i'll be tagging @vaugarde @instarz @jenovacomplete @revalentinee @nicomrade to do if you want!!!!!!
#can every1 forgive me for putting dabi on here im sorry hes important to me....#limiting myself to five was painful if i could id put more women here like milly and miime and the entire cyndaquil population#hmmmm maybe when this one ends ill make another poll with everyone i wanted to put here but couldnt#also if you dont know any of these people you can just go off of vibes fghjdksla#ff7#trigun#kirby#captain harlock#zack fair#vash#meta knight#(not putting in any bnha fandom tags only my cool oomfs get this one ghfjdks)#woody speaks
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I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.
For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.
Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.
It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.
#also: the whole thing about cleanliness? as someone w/ mental health issues? Rough. very rough. what counts? how individualized is it?#if i cant get my room (where my shrines are/will be) clean does that mean i cant give any offerings?#is just washing my hands and/or veiling actually okay most of the time? even when ive been struggling to shower?#when does something require a change of clothes? or do i have to do that every time i offer something at any point in the day?#including meal/drink (ex steam from tea) offerings? i dont have that many clothes besties#if im pouring out an offering to hermes on my way home from work do i have to somehow wash my hands first b/c i just got off public transit#can i pour it directly from my water bottle or do i have to keep a little separate bottle of water just for libations?#and like. i know logically the answer is 'do whatever you can and you'll figure it out' but it hasnt sunk in yet#it's always...interesting when a new layer of religious trauma tm gets discovered#also. maybe it's just the 'tism but 'just jump in!' and 'go slow at the beginning' seem contradictory to me#like. you cant do both??? i dont think??? 'just jump in' is the answer ive been getting when i do tarot so im trying to do that#also. doubts? not offending a deity??? wild concept. just. the hardest thing to wrap my head around. mormon god's ego is FRAGILE fr#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#not adding exmo tags b/c i dont have a good enough handle on the community here & im too sick to deal with people being weird about this#my post#coriander says#seeing people get into the theological weeds is cool from the outside (see: that 'can spiderman do superhero stuff on the sabbath' post)#but very stressful when there's not centuries on centuries of detailed information to draw from & everyone's just trying to figure shit out#in a world that's *very* different from the one the information we *do* have was written down in#christianity cw#mormonism cw
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UP TOP: Is the Tadpole Consumers! Sometimes being 'Power Hungry' means eating an actual worm.
Kendis Wolfcrossing (left): Bearbarian (Druid and Barbarian), She/They (nb). Romance Rolan [Maybe Minthara. Maybe Halsin. I'm just fucking around in the PT]
Kaeliana (right): aka The Dark Urge, Soradin of Kelemvor (Sorcerer and Paladin), She/her (trans). Romance Wyll.
BOTTOM DOWN: The Parental Trauma Cleric Sibs (and potentially both technically undead).
Amryl Shadowhoard (left): Ranger/War Cleric of Bahamut, They/It/She (in order; nb). Romance Wyll/Lae'zel/REDACTED [yeah that's the polyam!]. Is, technically, Isyl's younger sibling.
Isyl Shadowhoard (right): aka The Dark Urge. Cleric of Light [hhaha] of Lathander, ???? (trans and nb). Potential Romance Barcus. Is, definitely, Amryl's older sibling. Isyl remembers that fact and Isyl remembers Lathander. Everything else is secondary. Right?
#meet my tavs#grapes chars#bg3: kendis wolfcrossing#oc: kaeliana#oc: amryl shadowhoard#oc: isyl shadowhoard#bg3 tav#bg3 durge#grapecase posts#meet my ocs#the thing im most excited for isyl is tthe sibling stuff and the struggle between past and 'nature' and ofc exploring duergar shit but i#hope isyl can be a particular shit to wulbern#im more excited about the barcus 'romance' than i expected?#i need to learnmroe about him#kendis is supposed to have a scar over their black/white eye. idk if its hard to see bc of teh tadpole eating or if a mod took it off#i'll check later#this is my current [mostly] active PTs.#but i have like six others in the shadows? lol and one nebulous plan. bc i dont have a geriatric. i wanted to make an old man githyanki but#then the enbies ate my brain#also tho some people put nb as under the trans umbrella i know some people see it as a separate umbrella.#i feel isyl sees themselves as both. they transitioned but they also see themselves as nonbinary. kendis sees being nonbinary as both in#a weird way like its own seperate thing but also under the umbrella? idk a venn diagram? i just vibe for kendis#kae proudly has a girldick. and proudly is a woman. i have mixed ideaas on when she transitioned. im sure it would have been a mess. but it#HERS.#[on the one hand i dont think bhaal cares. but on the other hand idky i feel bhaalists would get very evangelical about it. like THIS IS TH#BODY BHAAL MADE. A RE YOU SAYING BHAAL ERRED???]#amryl is they/it nonbinary. trans. wte. but they're also i think one of those nonbinary unless it's 'god forbid women are allowed to do ANY#HING'#lmao#okay okay im going back to my burrow
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being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off
#i hate zionist jews i hate i stand with israel signs in my neighborhood i hate leftists who write and speak and act like theyve never met an#actual jewish person in their life and believe that were all genocidal monsters (in spite of our own genocide which i assume will eventuall#flip around to leftist holocaust denial) i hate that people are blaming israeli civilians for the faults of their deeply corrupt government#i hate that i cant say zionism is inherently antsemitic without getting fucking maimed i fucking hate it here the world is on fire just#fucking let me burn#anyways#sorry#free palestine#any other#jumblr#girlies (gn) relating to my vent#bc im started to feel ashamed of myself my culture and my people#and its such a fucking shitty feeling#like i can barely look in palestine / gaza / etc. tag without seeing blindingly blatant antisemitism coming from left right and center#like just say you hate jews and fuck off#i cant look at this shit anymore fuck#idk why im so worked up about this rn i just. btwn weeding out all the zionist blogs i didnt know i followed and just being so fucking-#and weeding out all the antisemitic leftist blogs i didnt know i was supporting its all just crashing down#im so fucking tired#and im so fucking tired of having to defend myself any time i talk about the jewish experience in any of this#and im so fucking tired of people equating judaism with religion only#and im so fucking tired of the double standard of also equating with only one race#like there arent jews of every race#the reason you cant see any of this shit is because nearly a century later were still dealing with the aftermath of the 6mil person murder#were always at the cross roads of some ridiculous double standard or the scapegoat for when things are going badly#like fuck i just#dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target#idk what to do I'm just#desolate
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i love to read meta of knives as an abuser and nod my head thoughtfully at all great points and then once the post ends i go back to considering him as my darling son who never did anything wrong ever
#let him out your honour yeah he did it all but i dont care#he had some points#so what he and his twin brother fell into and perpetuated the cycle of abuse that hurts each other#they broke out of it at the end. that has to count#“we cant go back. we cant be those brothers again. so ill kill you if you kill me. why didnt you kill me. WHY DID YOU SAVE ME”#and then at the end he did the thing vash tried to save him from anyway (disappearing forever and ever and ever and ever and )#sorry. lots of thoughts abt these tragic siblings#forever thinking about how vash threw the first stone between them#like that fuckssssss me up#i know tristamp changed that#but to me its always. knives loving him thru violence bc its the only way that makes sense. only for vash to use it on him#so of course knives lashed out. imagine realising the thing u use to protect ur brother can hurt you back just as bad#imagine killing a town of people that hurt your brother only for him to shoot you#and then you cut his arm off#not taking any critique at this time. im fully aware of the text. im just choosing to love him anyway :)#this is also why i find swap fic sooooo compelling. where vash is the dangerous one and knives is his victim#oooo u are two sides of the same coin. you could have been each other if only a few things went differently#but you could never be The Same
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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#i dunno man#everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid#i just feel like im losing my marbles#im the only one still masking it feels like#nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists#my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine#so i dont talk about it as much#shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out#which is good#i agree with her on that#but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times#ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october#which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave#or get fired/laid off#but im getting down to the end of the alphabet#i dont know what ill do when i do#literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer#now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary#how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces#when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days#how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious#of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months#now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day#when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?
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feel like theres a balance to strike between "people putting guidelines to being a christian (you need to read your Bible everyday, you need to need to never miss church, you should never be anxious... etc.) and saying that not doing them is sinning is wrong" and "you DO need to grow in your faith and be consistent"
#julia.txt#is not reading your Bible everyday a sin? no not really#SHOULD you do it? yes!!! how do you want to live according to God's will if you dont acquaint yourself with God's will everyday?#the flesh doesnt take a day off#is it a sin to miss church? no! should you do it? also no!!#(with the caveat of being sick or any other unavoidable circumstance)#you cannot grow closer to God if you do not commune with Him and worship Him#and that INCLUDES other meetings than sunday#i just see too many people dismiss church easily#like oh i made plans with my friends i cant come oh i took a meeting i cant come#if you want to be serious about your walk with God you cant dismiss church that easily#is it a sin to be anxious? no!!!! of course not!!#but we cannot let ourselves wallow in it either#we cant think oh im anxious its just my disposition its my mental state#we have to WORK on it. how many verses are there about God taking care of us. how many times has He assured us that He will not leave us#does that mean you'll wake up one day and you wont have anxiety anymore ? no#but it DOES mean that God can alleviate it#and. i feel it necessary to point out that if you KNOW its God's will that you do something#and you dont do it#thats a sin. you're going against God's will#knowingly#romans 14 20!!#all things indeed are pure#but it is evil for the man who eats with offense#<- if i do something that violates my conscience it is a sin for me even if it might not be In Itself a sin#we cant call everything legalism and use it as an excuse to not grow#faith posting
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WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SEE MY FUGLY UGLY ASS ALLEGORY OF THE CAVE X FAHRENHEIT 451 CROSSOVER DRAWING THAT I WAS FORCED TO DO FOR SCHOOL….. ITS SO UGLY AND MONTAG IS
WHITE.
AND THE HOUNDS ARE DISGUSTING THE COLORING IS SO SHITTY AND MILDRED …. Well ok she looks alright kindof but the COLORING ….. SKETCH WAS BETTER but do you guys. Do you still want to see it…….,,,,,,
ALSO NO OFFENSE TO WHITE PEOPLE PLEASE I LOVE YOU GUYS 🫶😁👍 within reason
#like ok maybe it isn’t. THAT bad#NO NO I TAKE THAT BACK I JUST LOOKED AT IT RIGHT NOW AND THE COMPOSITION IS ALL FUCKING VOER THE PLACE#IT. IT IS. THAT BAD#IF YOU GUYS SAY YESS YOULL SEE#ok but nasty bad art aside I know some of you will be asking why white Montag is such a bad thing and#there isn’t anything wrong with it!!! it’s just that for me personally#after I did a bit more thinking I was. physically incapable of perceiving Montag as anything other than POC/nonwhite#so when I look back at my old f451 art and stare into the eyes of a pale skittish twink it just#it doesn’t click. like that isn’t MY Montag if ykwim#now trembling BROWN skittish twink. that’s a different story#AGAIN I DONT have any issues with ppl making their own versions white I just think that . for me specifically. he looked a bit funny#a little off. a bit too crackerish for my liking#where is bros melanin 😭#I’m complaining right now but if I wanted to I could just… go in and try and make the skin tone darker#I might do that depending on how tired I feel after doomscrolling#also if it matters even though I have read the book over at least 8 times now not once have I touched either of the movies.#and it will STAY THAT WAY. until I completely log my notes for the book#then I can move on to the movies 🥰#but I will admit 2018 did sort of lead me to having a change of heart w my design. just a little. just a teensy bit. kinda. sort of?#actually not really now that I think about it#I have my own reasons.#TOO MANY WHITE PEOPLE MY EYES THEY BURN AAAYHHHHH MY EYES OW OW OW OWIEEEE#my Beatty design was so white that my eyes developed stage 4 cataracts#I needed a palate cleanser that WASNT Millie… oh god my Millie design…#she was white there too. terrible#it’s okay… 💔 I’ve since learned and moved on#ARGH GUYS I DONT HATE WHITE PEOPLE I JUST THINK THAT MORE SKIN COLOR VARIATIONS WOULD E NICE
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