#also if something isn’t in my top 20 it doesn’t mean I didn’t like it I watched around 125 2024 releases so. just. these are my favorite

[academiaipromise]

Oscars are tonight, and for whatever reason, I’ve actually watched all 50 nominated films this year. So. I just want to give some shout outs because contrary to popular belief, there were some excellent films this year. Focusing on films that I think have unfortunately not gotten the acclaim that they deserve - I do love some bigger ones (The Substance, Conclave, The Wild Robot, A Real Pain, just to name a few), but here are five nominees that I think should be bigger in our awards conversations.

Nickel Boys (directed by Ramell Ross) - this is my favorite film of 2024, and I genuinely believe it’s maybe the snub of the season that it wasn’t nominated for both Best Cinematography and Best Director. An extremely faithful adaptation of Colson Whitehead’s Pulitzer Prize-winning The Nickel Boys (which is also excellent), the film follows two teenage boys at a reform school in Florida in the 1960s. Inspired by horrifically real events, the film largely tells the story in first-person POV, which is something I’ve never seen done so effectively and emotionally before watching this movie. The visual language this film creates is stunning, and the performances were knockout. Highly, highly recommend that everyone check this out if they can; it’s extremely unlikely to win big at the ceremony tonight, but it’s one of the standout films of the year for me. My pick for Best Picture if I were an Academy voter.

I’m Still Here (directed by Walter Salles) - nominated for both Best Picture and Best International Feature Film (as well as an extremely deserved Best Actress nomination for Fernanda Torres), I’m Still Here follows the life of Eunice Paiva (Torres) and her family after the Brazilian military dictatorship disappeared her husband (former federal deputy Rubens Paiva) in the 1970s. While this film is firing on all cylinders (directing, cinematography, just everything truly), it hinges on Fernanda Torres’s performance, which for me is really a once in a lifetime thing to witness. Maybe that sounds hyperbolic, but I left the theater a shaking mess, and I’ve thought about her and this story almost every day since. Fingers crossed this at least wins Best International Feature Film, but I genuinely think this deserves every award it was nominated for and more. Putting it in this list because it’s honestly confusing to me that this hasn’t been the front runner all year long.

Sing Sing (directed by Greg Kwedar) - nominated for Best Actor (Colman Domingo), Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Original Song (“Like a Bird”), this maybe doesn’t sound like a film that’s been overlooked by the Academy, but it unfortunately really has. The snub of Clarence Maclin not being nominated for Best Supporting Actor is something I think about watching every single awards show this year, and while I am rooting for Kieran Culkin still (with close seconds from both Guy Pierce and Jeremy Strong), it is difficult for me to take that category seriously without Maclin there. This film follows a theater group in Sing Sing prison and through incredibly powerful performances (most of which, outside of Colman Domingo, were delivered by actors who were or currently are part of the real life theater group that inspired this movie), the film explores the human need for art, expression, and connection within the lived reality of incarceration.

Better Man (directed by Michael Gracey) - y’all knew this was coming if you know me at all. It’s time to talk about the Robbie Williams musical biopic wherein Robbie Williams is played by a CGI monkey (aka a fantastic performance in motion capture by actor Jonno Davies). Now listen to me seriously: this is one of the best films of 2024. It’s nominated for one Oscar tonight (Best Visual Effects) and this is maybe the thing I’m rooting for the most for the whole night (other than Emilia Perez losing). It’s unlikely to happen, but man is it deserved. It’s amazing how much this movie actually wouldn’t work as well if Robbie Williams wasn’t a CGI monkey; it sounds like a weird gimmick, but it’s the linchpin of making this character and story work. As you can maybe tell, I’m USAmerican (sorry), so the only context I had for Robbie Williams before this movie was that episode of Derry Girls where they’re hitchhiking to Belfast to see Take That in concert, but you don’t need to know who Robbie Williams is for this film to work (though I now know there are plenty of Easter eggs for Robbie fans throughout the film; I’ve been won over!!). It’s an incredibly moving look at fame, addiction, mental illness, and loss; on top of all of that, it’s actually a great musical! Please watch this movie!

A Different Man (directed by Aaron Schimberg) - yes, we’ve had too many “Man” movies recently (the week’s difference between the rated-R horror film Wolf Man and the children’s animated film Dog Man in January being the most egregious), but don’t let that distract you from the excellence that is this movie. Part dark comedy, part horror, part…whatever this movie is, A Different Man follows aspiring actor (Sebastian Stan) who undergoes a radical medical procedure to change his appearance, only to descend into obsession and madness when he loses out on a once dream role to an actor with the same features he used to have (played by a phenomenal Adam Pearson). When I saw Sebastian Stan was nominated for Best Actor, I was pleasantly surprised until I realized he wasn’t nominated for this movie. Only nominated for Best Makeup and Hairstyling, A Different Man really is one of the movies that has stuck with me ever since I saw it at a screening back in September, and if nothing else, it’s also a fascinating counterpoint to The Substance that I think is necessary for both films.

Thank you for indulging me on five of my favorite but underrated Oscar nominees 💜 I’ll leave you with a rapid-fire of my top 20 of 2024 movies; some of these will make more sense than others, but the reality is that I watch a lot of movies (things Academy voters can never say lol) and I like a wide variety of movies. Anyways - if you love movies, strive to watch enough so you too can have a completely nonsensical list of favorites and fight with the Academy, too!

Nickel Boys

I’m Still Here

I Saw the TV Glow

The Fall Guy

The Substance

Thelma

Twisters

A Different Man

Challengers

Sing Sing

The Wild Robot

A Real Pain

Better Man

Hit Man

Dìdi

Conclave

Hard Truths

My Old Ass

La Chimera

The Seed of the Sacred Fig

[nicromancytarot]

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know right now (and I got some weirdass answers), pick a card to find out what they have to tell you.

PILE 1

This was certainly a confusing reading, the first thing I was seeing was someone scrunched up on a couch, holding a telephone to their chest while three people tried to pry it from their hands. I also noticed that there weee hills piling up. Weirdly, the message I was getting was that bills weren’t being paid for the sake of hoarding money, and this person had swapped/sold out their old mobile phone for a much cheaper alternative (telephone) to preserve money.

The cards showed me a story of someone who had made a large sum of money but were hoarding it due to financially unstable beginnings. I see this making the person feel trapped and territorial. When visualising I saw a young firm who was even afraid of the attitude this person had, this may be your child, your inner child or a future child or yours.

Spirit showed me the 10 of pentacles, the empress and the death cards to symbolise that this is something you need to take the time to grow from, and let go of.

With the high priestess and wheel of fortune I can see that you can continue/start spending that money that you need to be spending and the universe will continue to give you the money as a reward if you allow it.

But do not overindulge.

I asked for some confirmation, and I got the word “liver”. After research I learnt that you can remove 90% of the liver and it will still grow back to its full size. I see this as a message to tell you not to worry about the loss and focus on what can be built up again.

PILE 2

Firstly, for visuals I saw a girl and a guy (gender doesn’t matter for this) inside an arcade, the guy stood by while the girl won a teddy bear from the claw machine (a notoriously hard game to win). After she had won it, the guy proceeded to try and steal the machine. The girl stood on lookout but was against the idea. She then pulled him out of the arcade and berated him for his stupidity - he however, did not care. After a little while they had calmed down and she asked him to go on the helter skelter (is that how you spell it?) He then flat out refused, not having a care for her desire.

I can see that this connection isn’t one you want to keep, whether this is family, friends, or even a partner, I can tell that this person doesn’t understand you and doesn’t plan on trying to anytime soon. The claw machine felt like an easy way to your heart and instead of taking the time to try their best at winning you another teddy, which would take time, money and effort, they resulted to trying to steal it. They didn’t care about the consequences of getting caught because they never seem to think ahead. They tend to live in the moment and that can get them in trouble.

To me the helter skelter represented the lengths that you would go for them (since it’s quite high up and I’m personally terrified of heights.) And you would take that journey to climb the stairs, get to the top and then make your way down the slide, meanwhile they were not willing to do this for you.

The cards tell me a similar story, I see a selfish individual that gives only what they can gain, this means materially you can have everything, but emotionally, they offer nothing close to what you desire. You’re willing to work on the relationship but they are not. This causes gossip and instability, it leaves you up at early hours of the morning upset.

I would recommend standing your ground and realising your worth so you can finally walk away.

[belli5]

Things fall apart — Niko Omilana

Genre/warnings: angst, trust issues, reader is from Brazil in this story.

Summary: Niko constantly coming home late, never spending time with you anymore, makes you question if the relationship can move forward.

A/n: im so sorry for not updating, I’m not in my home country so also the Wifi is expensive asf 😭 sorry if there’s mistakes, rn I’m too lazy to read it through but once I’m not gonna be, I’ll read it through 😭

Masterlist

Niko constantly came home late, these past few weeks, you understood that he has a YouTube career with the beta squad and it’s completely fine, you loved all of them like they were almost your brothers.

You were also sometimes spending your time with them, it was so much fun. But when Niko started coming home late, you refused to believe that they were filming everyday and SO LATE.

You were fine by it the first days, maybe he did have to film late or something, but not everyday.

You had confronted him about it and he didn’t see it as a big deal. Today was a day he only came earlier than he always NOW did.

“It’s exactly what I mean. We haven’t spent a lot of time together, we haven’t made love, you haven’t took me out.”

“Niko, don’t you think we haven’t spent a lot of time together lately?” You ask him, as he watches the tv on the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“Well if you want I can take you out this weekend!”

“I don’t want you to take me out because I want to,” you sigh “I want you to take me out because you want to”

“I promise you, I wanna take you out. I will pick you up at 7pm, Saturday, if you’d like that?” He promises, his promises now meant nothing to you, but you atleast hoped he meant it this time.

“I’d like that.” You smiled at him

When Saturday finally came, you just prayed he wouldn’t cancel on you once again, it was now 5:30pm you started to do your hair, make up, and finally clothes.

You wore a tube top short summer dress in yellow (lol sorry if you don’t like, I thought it was cute asf) you wanted to look good.

When you got ready it was already 6:50pm, he said he’d be there at 7pm so, you didn’t worry at first. When it came to 7:10pm, you decided to text him, because if he isn’t taking me serious and always late, what’s the point of anything?

Neeeko 🤭💗

Where are you?

Are you coming to pick me up?

7:11pm

Yes, soon.

7:20pm

When?

You’re already 20 minutes late..

7:21pm

I know. Something just came up.

7:22pm

What came up so suddenly?

7:22pm

Niko, do you even take me seriously?

7:23pm

Of course I do.

Why do you think I don’t?

7:23pm

I wonder why.

7:23pm

Don’t be like that please.

We’ll talk once I get home.

7:26pm

I left him on read, he’s literally not taking me serious. I don’t even wanna see him anymore, he promised to take me out, he lied once again. I don’t even wanna know what he’s been doing that he comes home so late.

If he thinks that coming home late is normal and not even telling me why he’s been doing it, and doesn’t even care that he has a gf waiting back home, then why am I even here?

Niko came home at 8:15pm, I already changed back into black Nike wide leg sweatpants and into a simple oversized shirt to be comfortable.

When he walked into the living room and saw me into sweatpants, he questioned “didn’t you wanna go out?”

“Before yes. Now? I don’t want to.”

“Why?” He asks, he even had the audacity to ask.

“I don’t know. Maybe you wanna go and take out the people you’ve been hanging out with since you’ve been coming home so late always.” I say out of pettiness.

“What’s this all about?” He asks, “I’ve been busy with the beta squad.”

“Oh and you were so busy today, when you promised to take me out. And exactly today you also had to be late?”

“I’m here now. I still have the reservation.”

“You can stick the reservation up you ass,” I argued, “I don’t wanna go out with you anymore.”

“Come on,” he says, coming over to me “I’m sorry I came home so late.”

“A sorry isn’t gonna change anything.” You said, he came over trying to hug you, “Niko, don’t touch me.”

You went over to your computer searching in, Britishairways.com going to look for the soonest flight to Brasilia, back home.

“What are you doing?” Niko asks seeing that you’re searching for a flight to Brazil. Niko has been to Brazil with you to meet your family.

“I think it’s gonna be better for now.” You say, booking the ticket, the soonest one was at 10:20pm, which meant you had almost 2 hours more. You called an uber so you won’t miss the flight.

“What do you mean better?” He asks following you to y’all’s bedroom where you started packing everything you needed for the time you’re gonna be away. “Running away from our problem isn’t the answer.”

“It isn’t. But we need a break from each other. I’ll be back in 2 or 3 weeks, I don’t see us going forward right now.”

“I’m really sorry Y/N. I wanna fix this.”

“You should’ve thought about this, when I gave you signs that you coming home late is bothering me.” You said getting up closing the luggage.

He helped you carry the luggage down, “I promise once you get back, I’ll fix this..” you didn’t even know if you could trust him on this one, he’s promised so many times and that meant nothing. But if he really wants us to work out, he’ll keep his promise.

“That’s fine.”

“I love you Y/n, tell me if you need anything.”

[beljar]

Van Gogh's Letters

[To Theo van Gogh. Arles, 20 May 1888]

We no longer rebel against things, we’re not resigned either — we’re ill and it’s not going to get any better — and we can’t do anything specific about it. I don’t know who called this condition being struck by death and immortality. The cab we drag along must be of use to people we don’t know. But you see, if we believe in the new art, in the artists of the future, our presentiment doesn’t deceive us. When good père Corot said a few days before he died: last night I saw in my dreams landscapes with entirely pink skies, well, didn’t they come, those pink skies, and yellow and green into the bargain, in Impressionist landscapes? All this is to say there are things one senses in the future and that really come about.

And we, who, I’m inclined to believe, are by no means so close to dying, nevertheless feel the thing is bigger than us and longer-lasting than our lives.

We don’t feel we’re dying, but we feel the reality of the fact that we’re not much, and that to be a link in the chain of artists we pay a steep price in health, youth, freedom, which we don’t enjoy at all, any more than the cab-horse that pulls a carriage full of people who, unlike him, are going out to enjoy the springtime. Well then — what I wish you as well as myself is to succeed in recovering our health, because we’ll need it. That Hope of Puvis de Chavannes is such a reality. There’s an art in the future and it will surely be so beautiful and so young that, really, if at present we leave it our own youth, we can only gain in tranquillity. Perhaps it’s too silly to write all this, but it’s what I felt; it seemed that like me, you suffered to see your youth going up in — smoke — but if it comes back and appears in what we do, there’s nothing lost, and the power to work is a second youth. So be serious about getting better, because we’ll need our health. I shake your hand firmly, and Koning’s too.

Ever yours,

Vincent

[To Emile Bernard. Arles, Sunday, 18 March 1888]

My dear Bernard,

Having promised to write to you, I want to begin by telling you that this part of the world seems to me as beautiful as Japan for the clearness of the atmosphere and the gay colour effects. The stretches of water make patches of a beautiful emerald and a rich blue in the landscapes, as we see it in the Japanese prints. Pale orange sunsets making the fields look blue – glorious yellow suns. However, so far I’ve hardly seen this part of the world in its usual summer splendour. The women’s costume is pretty, and especially on the boulevard on Sunday you see some very naive and well-chosen arrangements of colour. And that, too, will doubtless get even livelier in summer.

I regret that living here isn’t as cheap as I’d hoped, and until now I haven’t found a way of getting by as easily as one could do in Pont-Aven. I started out paying francs and now I’m on francs a day. One would need to know the local patois, and know how to eat bouillabaisse and aïoli, then one would surely find an inexpensive family boarding-house. Then if there were several of us, I’m inclined to believe we’d get more favourable terms. Perhaps there’d be a real advantage in emigrating to the south for many artists in love with sunshine and colour. The Japanese may not be making progress in their country, but there’s no doubt that their art is being carried on in France. At the top of this letter I’m sending you a little croquis of a study that’s preoccupying me as to how to make something of it – sailors coming back with their sweethearts towards the town, which projects the strange silhouette of its drawbridge against a huge yellow sun.

[To Theo van Gogh. Arles, Friday, 4 January 1889]

My dear brother

I hope that Gauguin will also completely reassure you a little regarding painting matters. I expect to start work again soon. The charwoman and my friend Roulin had taken care of the house, put everything in good order.

When I come out I’ll be able to continue on my way here again, and soon the fine days will come and I’ll start on the orchards in blossom again.

I am, my dear brother, so heartbroken by your journey, I would have wished that you’d been spared that, for all in all no harm has come to me, and it wasn’t worth troubling you.

I can’t tell you how much it delights me that you’ve made peace and even more than that with the Bongers. Say so on my behalf to André, and give him a very cordial handshake from me.

What wouldn’t I have given for you to see Arles in fine weather, now you have seen it when it’s dark. However, be of good heart, send the letters directly to me, place Lamartine. I’ll send Gauguin the paintings of his that are still at the house as soon as he wishes. We owe him the money he spent on the furniture.

Ever yours,

Vincent

[To Theo van Gogh, The Hague, 11 July 1883]

My aim is to do a drawing that not exactly everyone will understand, the figure expressed in its essence in simplified form, with deliberate disregard of those details that aren’t part of the true character and are merely accidental. Thus it shouldn’t, for example, be the portrait of Pa but rather the type of a poor village pastor going to visit a sick person. The same with the couple arm in arm by the beech hedge — the type of a man and woman who have grown old together and in whom love and loyalty have remained, rather than portraits of Pa and Ma, although I hope they’ll pose for it. But they must know that it’s serious, which they might not see for themselves if the likeness isn’t exact.

And should be a bit prepared, in the event that this happens, for having to pose as I say and not change anything. Well, that will be all right, and I don’t work so slowly as to make it a great effort for them. And for my part I would greatly value doing it. Simplifying the figures is something that very much preoccupies me. Anyway, you’ll see some for yourself among the figures I’ll show you. If I went to Brabant, it should certainly not be an excursion or pleasure trip, it seems to me, but a short period of very hard work at lightning speed. Speaking of expression in a figure, I’m becoming more and more persuaded that it lies not so much in the features as in the whole manner. I find few things as horrible as most academic facial expressions. I would rather look at ‘Night’ by Michelangelo, or a drunk by Daumier, or The diggers by Millet, and that large woodcut by him, The shepherdess. Or at an old horse by Mauve &c.

The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh by Vincent Van Gogh // Still Life of Oranges and Lemons with Blue Gloves, 1889 by Vincent van Gogh // The Night Cafe by Vincent van Gogh // The Cafe Terrace on the Place du Forum, Arles, at Night, c.1888 by Vincent van Gogh // Still Life, Vase With Fifteen Sunflowers by Vincent van Gogh // van Gogh's Orchard in Blossom (Plum Trees) // Letter from Vincent Van Gogh to His Brother Theo

Franz Kafka's Letters to Milena

[abstractredd]

AO3 Twenty Questions

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 17 wowzers

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 269,878. (but honestly that’s not super updated because oMaM is like… twice as long as what i have published on there lol. this also doesn’t include my older fics from Fanfiction.net and Wattpad which would easily give me another 150k)

3. what fandoms do you write for? mainly elder scrolls at the moment

4. what are your top five fics by kudos? (oh lord the bnha fics SHAKSJD)

5. do you respond to comments? i try to, always! i don’t think there’s many i haven’t responded to and if i haven’t it’s usually because it’s a friend of mine and i’ve already messaged them here or on discord LOL

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending not any of them really?? i’m a Happily Ever After kinda person. i mean i have one fic that’s a scene rewrite from Your Lie in April but it doesn’t actually change the canon outcome of the show which if you’ve seen it you’ll know it’s pretty “angsty” but i feel like that doesn’t count because i didn’t write that yknow

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? as previously established i’m a big fan of HEAs. literally all of them lol. although bad habit certainly has a pretty cheesy ending

8. do you get hate on fics? i have but that was way before my ao3 days. i honestly can’t recall if any of my ao3 fics have gotten hate? people are pretty chill on there in my experience. Fanfiction.net is a whole other animal though

9. do you write smut? if so what kind? oh absolutely. i’m a sexually active adult and i tend to both read and write about sexually active adults so i feel like there’s really no surprise there

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i have before but i’m not really a fan of them now, reading or writing. i wrote a superwholock fic in like, 2016, and that’s about it hahaha

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? no? is that a thing that happens?

12. have you ever had a fic translated? not on ao3 but one of my fics got translated to Italian by a fan on Wattpad once that was pretty cool

13. have you ever co-written a fic? yessir! me and my sibling in hadlof @plutoprophecy / @midnightfangz wrote one together: here

14. what’s your all time favorite ship? my OTP you mean. cmon let’s call it what it is. it’s patrochilles btw

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Go to Bed Dumbass. i stated writing it when i wasn’t in a good place mentally and i can’t even look back on it without getting bad memories. also i just had no idea where i was going with the plot. and i’m not in the bnha fandom anymore lol. i hate having unfinished fics on my page and have literally gone back to update years-old fics before but not this one.

16. what are your writing strengths? i like to think my prose is complicated enough to sound professional but not so over the top that my writing isn’t easily digestible. i feel like i can write dialogue pretty well too

17. what are your writing weaknesses? i feel like i have a problem with repeating myself lol. like i use the same conjunctions a lot. and i struggle with action/fight sequences but i feel like i’m getting better at those the more i write them (i didn’t write them at all really until i started writing TES fics)

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i mean. i feel like this is so situational. if the dialogue is crucial to the plot and it’s going to be a chore to make the average reader look up what it is? i don’t really care for it. but if it’s something off handed that doesn’t really change the plot or is more of a funny joke that a reader can get by either A) happening to speak the language or B) going out of their way to look it up and in that situation it’s more of a fun little bonus and not needed for them to understand the story beat that it’s a part of.

19. first fandom you wrote for? one piece. in 2013. lol

20. favorite fic you’ve written? i really really like somewhere the light won’t reach us. it’s a character study of a TES oc so it’s honestly closer to an original work than it is a fanfiction but i think it turned out really nice. i also think liebesfreud is a really good story and i'm in the process of making it into an original novel (with different character names obv)

not tagging anyone cuz im lazy but if you wanna do this go for it weeee

[gorimbaudandgojohnnygo]

Things have been kinda rough this month. After the shitshow that was last December, I promised myself that I was going to do things differently this year because I do not want to end up at urgent care after another panic attack/nervous breakdown, and at first it seemed like it was working, but then things got…ungood. I don’t know if it’s because the holidays are always stressful, or if it’s because of Mercury Rx, or if it’s just my fucked up brain… But in any case, all my recurring issues came back to haunt me.

Old griefs are resurfacing, and I’m constantly on the verge of tears. I’m broke as hell; I’ve been busting my ass with day job and side-hustle stuff to try and make sure the kiddos have a good Christmas (+ C.’s birthday four days prior!), but I’m still not sure if I’ll be able to get everything that’s on their lists. And it’s my birthday month, too, and I want to be able to enjoy it! Speaking of being broke, we once again had ten days between when last month’s food money ran out and this month’s came in, so I had to spend money I’d set aside for Xmas gifts on food. I’m super stressed out about all of it, which makes the kids stressed out, and then I snap at them and feel even worse. I have a bunch of writing-related deadlines I’m way way behind on. Partly because, while some of them are potential money-making ventures, they are not as immediately lucrative as the day job/side-hustle stuff, and I have to focus on the things that are bringing in money now, not later. But also partly because, even when I do get a few minutes to write, I’m usually so stressed out and exhausted that my brain isn’t functioning well enough to get the words out. On top of all that, P. and I have mostly been too stressed and exhausted to enjoy our time together after the kids are in bed—I don’t just mean sexually, I mean in any way; we’re usually too tired to even put on a movie and snuggle. And on top of all that, I jacked my back at the beginning of last week, and I’ve been having terrible pre/menstrual cramps, so I’ve been in a lot of physical pain on-and-off. Oh, and I have some irritation in my vulva that makes me feel like I have to pee all the time—it’s not a UTI, thankfully, but it’s annoying. And I put up up a pinned post on my main blog about my current situation to try and get some more $$ coming in, but it hasn’t been getting much traction. I’ve also been trying to rest and relax here and there, so that I don’t completely burn out and have another nervous breakdown, but I feel guilty for relaxing when I could either be earning money or catching up on the writing I’m behind on. Basically, I feel guilty about everything right now—guilty for being broke, guilty for being behind on everything, guilty for being stressed, guilty for my stress making my kids stressed. Ugh.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, on to some good things—or at least, things that are more interesting than just whinging about my life.

Thanksgiving was okay. My parents bickered, as usual, but there were no big blowout fights like there have been in past years. I got a text message from my Filia, saying: Happy Thanksgiving Day to my beautiful friend. :) are you and the fam enjoying time together today? i hope so. Today i am grateful for all of the memories i have with you. not a day goes by that something doesn’t trigger a thought :) i hope we can make some more… i love you and i miss you. I teared up because it is so much the same on my end. Though I haven’t seen her in nearly 15 years, over the first 20 years we knew each other we created so many memories together that, well, everything reminds me of her. And I miss her every day, but at least now we chat via text occasionally, and send each other stuff in the mail sometimes; not like all those times in the past when she didn’t even communicate with me.

And then on our drive home, it started to snow, and The Replacements’ “Unsatisfied” came on the radio and it was all so sad and beautiful, missing my oldest friend while the snow fell softly on all the sleepy houses and Paul Westerberg yowled I’m so, I’m so, unsatisfied. Are you satisfied?

A couple days after that, we got a $25 gift card from the grocery store we do most of our shopping at, for being such good customers. It was enough for a couple days worth of meal ingredients, and helped get us through a little bit of our time without food money. And that night, I made a small batch of wassail because I had all the ingredients on hand, and made cocoa for the kids, and we spent the last night of November drinking tasty hot drinks and watching a Christmas movie.

The first couple days of December were pretty good. I put up the advent elf (which we’ve had for years but don’t use every year). Each day, I put in a note with a Christmas or seasonal-related activity the kids can do, plus a small surprise like a tiny toy or trinket (I pick up little things like that whenever I can, so I had a stash ready to go), or a quarter they can add to their piggy banks. Their first activity was to go through their toys and books to find some that were still in good condition but that they no longer wanted, to donate, and they did that happily. And we started putting up the Christmas decorations; got the tree up and the lights on it on the first, put the ornaments on it on the second.

On the fourth, I got really sad and anxious, because the next day was mammogram, part two, where they had to do more imagining on my right boob and find out if the asymmetry was something Bad or not. I was reasonably certain that it was going to turn out fine, but I was still a little scared, you know? But on the morning of the fifth, I went to my appointment, and after taking just a few more images of that side of my chest, they ascertained that everything is, in fact, totally a-okay. Afterwards, I got myself a coffee and a pastry, then dropped off the books and toys (plus some gently-used winter coats and boots, both kids’ and womens’ sizes) at the women’s and children’s shelter. On the drive home, I listened to the Velvet Underground, and everything was so beautiful and I was so happy and relieved because I no longer had that particular fear hanging over my head.

That night I had a dream that my ex/old friend Levi had died, and I only knew because his wife, Kellyn (who was also once a friend of mine) sent me all the stuff he’d still held onto from our relationship/friendship. It made me deeply sad. I’ve written about it before, but— Levi and I were never really right for each other as romantic partners, but we were great friends. And, because were friends for so many years before we dated and we remained friends for so many years after our breakup, and because I became friends with Kellyn when they started dating, I really thought they’d be in my life forever. But Maggie got them in the great friendship divorce of 2014 (which still seems unfair, as she wouldn’t ever have known them if it weren’t for me, but it is what it is). They’ve been out of my life for a decade, now, and I miss them, and I hope they’re doing well, and it’s distressing to know that if something did happen to one of them, I’d probably never know.

The next day, my back pain was at its peak, so I took a long, warm bath with epsom salts to try and ease it enough that I could go out and about. And though it still hurt, I was able to go out, and spend a fantastic afternoon and evening downtown. First my mom and I did a little holiday gift-buying at the art museum shop, then we had tea together at her studio.

After that, I went over to the new bookshop, for a little get-together for Racine Writers-in-Residence past & present (plus whoever else wanted to stop by). It was great to be around a bunch of writers and artists, as always. It was great to be in a bookshop, with that dust-and-vanilla smell of old books. There were snacks and drinks—pies and cookies; coffee, wine, and beer. Ren, who put the whole thing together, asked what I’d like, and mentioned that the beer was a honey blonde ale from Littleport, our local brewery, so that’s what I had. I sipped my beer and talked to various writers about the ins and outs of submitting to lit mags (and the ins and outs of running lit mags); then talked to one of the artists about our mutual love of making art out of trash and other random things we find on the ground. I browsed the shelves for a bit. I wasn’t going to get a book—being that I’m super broke, I’m trying not to spend too much on unnecessary things for myself right now—but I made some off handed comment like: “Oh, I wish I could justify buying a book right now,” and Ren said: “I’ll buy you one! I just got paid today, and this way I can support a local shop while also helping a homie out.” I sorta tried to talk him out of it, but he seemed to really want to, so I browsed some more. I noticed that they had a big selection of used copies of books by Beat (and Beat-adjacent) writers, so you can guess what happened… I went with an early edition of Jack Kerouac’s Dr. Sax, because it’s one of my favorites of his, as well as one of the few Kerouac books I didn’t already have a copy of. Ren handed me the money and I went up to the counter to pay for it. “Oh, great choice,” the owner said, and we started talking about Jack Kerouac, then we chatted about William S. Burroughs for a while. Then he asked me if the music that was playing was good, or if he should put on something more upbeat, and I said: “Well, I like it. I mean, how can you go wrong with Django Reinhardt?” He was impressed that I knew it was Django, and I said: “There’s no mistaking that guitar sound, or Stéphane Grapelli’s violin.” Before I left, Ren asked me to recommend two or three movies for him to check out. He said he watches a lot of movies during the winter, and he wants to broaden his filmic horizons, so he’s asking everyone he knows what their favorite films are. I gave him the two that always pop into my head when someone asks for my favorite films: Down By Law and Wings of Desire. I started laughing after I named them, because I was like: “I sound so fucking pretentious. You ask my favorite movies and I name two black and white art house films, one of which is in a different language. But truly, they are two of my favorite films.” The owner overheard, and said: “Oh, Down By Law. I love that film! Jim Jarmusch is always fantastic, but that’s one of his best.” I agreed, and we chatted about it for a moment, then he said: “Do you like Walt Whitman?“ I responded: “Yes, I like Walt Whitman very much. Leaves of Grass.” Gahhh, I think I have a minor crush on the bookshop owner. Not one where I seriously want to get with him—he’s not my type, physically—but just. Someone in my town who digs Beat writers and Jarmusch films and Django Reinhardt??? Amazing. 

When I left the bookshop, I headed back to my mom’s studio, where my mom and dad and P. and the kiddos were all waiting. We were going to order out for dinner, and eat it at the studio, but before dinner my parents gave me some cash so P. and I could go and have a drink at our favorite pub. We walked over there, and sat down at the bar, and I ordered a Jameson on the rocks. Our favorite bartender was working that night—I’ve bonded with him before over a shared love for The Pogues and Lou Reed—and he was telling us they had a bunch of new, interesting beers on tap, and said: “Here, I’ll give you guys some samples.” And he poured us heavy samples of two different beers. (My favorite was the one that had raspberry and rosemary in it!) It was the first time since I started my ‘either no drinks or one drink only’ plan that I’d had more than one drink in an evening, and I got a little worried that I was going to be hungover the next day, but thankfully, I wasn’t. I must have paced myself enough that I metabolized everything without issue. (I’m still not going to chance that very often, though.)

Saturday morning was probably the worst of the worst. The kids were in terrible moods—fighting with each other, having tantrums about every little thing—and I did not deal with it well. So when the time came to go grocery shopping and run a couple other errands, I decided I would go by myself, so I could get away from it all. It helped. I blasted Weezer’s blue album and Ben Folds Five’s self-titled in the car, like it was 1995 or some shit, and sang along to all those songs I still know so, so well. I checked my P.o. box and there was a holiday card from a friend. One of the stops I had to make was to return a gift I’d gotten for one of the kids, and the person behind the returns desk was a beautiful queer person. They were super helpful and sweet, and I really appreciated it, not only because it lightened my mood, but also because I’m sure they are slammed with shitty customers this time of year, so I wouldn’t have blamed them for being surly. And they complimented me on my outfit, said: “I’m loving this whole look you’ve got going on. It’s fabulous.” It was just what I needed.

That evening, I chatted with a Tumblr mutual about our shared obsession with Kathy Acker, and that night, I stayed up late watching Doctor Who on my tablet. (I’ve started over with new Who, from the first episode with the ninth doctor, on.) That, too, was just what I needed.

The next day was better. My back felt better. It was a warmer day than we’d hand in a while, so C. and I played out in the backyard for a bit, and later in the evening we took a family walk around the neighborhood to look at people’s holiday decorations. I cooked a delicious dinner, and that night, P. and I got to watch a movie and have epic sexytimes.

Monday was worse, again. My back hurt more, again, and I was just so, so sad, and so worried about being able to afford Christmas gifts for my kiddos, and feeling like such a failure, and all I could really manage to do was make the pinned post for my main blog and cry a lot.

But Monday night, I finally got a good night’s sleep for the first time in a while, so I woke up feeling better rested. Tuesday morning, my period started, which explained some of the sadness and some of the back pain, but it wasn’t that much of a relief because it’s my heavy flow month and therefore the accompanying cramps are bad. Late afternoon, I took C. to the library. He played in the kids’ play area, and made a Christmas ornament (they had all the components out on tables in the youth department); I checked out a bunch of books.

That night, I had a dream about Derry. Namely, that I was at one of his band’s shows, and, after their set, he jumped down from the stage and right into my arms. Though it’s not as sad to dream about him now as it was before we’d reconnected, that dream still hurt. I haven’t been to see his band since early 2014, and that was during the time we weren’t speaking, so it has been closer to twenty years than ten since we’ve had a moment like the one in the dream.

Over the past couple days, well, things have been both good and bad. C.’s mood is improving. We’ve started playing Minecraft together—after a year of him begging me to, I finally gave in, and it’s pretty fun, and he is very happy that I can now participate in one of his favorite activities with him. I’ve been cooking a lot of delicious food. I’ve gotten back to writing with a vengeance. The new mini-zine is really really almost done, though it turns out it’s not going to be so mini—turns out I had a lot to write about Christmases past. I also have to keep taking breaks because it is traumatizing. These are not happy Christmas ghosts I’m writing of. And I’m still crampy, and still stressed and sad about being so broke near the holidays.

Today I applied for another credit card in hopes I could use that to buy the rest of the gifts, but I was not approved. And then I cried, because even if I do manage to get more gifts for the kiddos, which is not seeming likely, I won’t be getting the few things I really wanted for my birthday or Christmas (which include a few art and writing supplies, one book, and going to a gig all my electronic music pals are doing a few days before my birthday). And then I felt guilty for crying, because so many people have it so much worse, and Christmas and birthdays shouldn’t be about the presents or the parties, and am I just an ungrateful, greedy little bitch? But then I reminded myself that it’s okay to feel my feelings, and I’m allowed to be sad, even if it’s about something as seemingly unimportant as not getting what I wanted for my birthday.

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/11

What am I feeling today?

Just really wish I wasn’t awake right now. I was struggling to fall asleep last night and I only got a few hours of actual sleep. And my cat have been meowing and scratching at my door for about two hours now and I wish she’d just give up because I’m so so tired. I’m also back in school and this week is just going to be so hectic and I’m just not looking forward to it. I just feel like crying and giving up.

Bible Plan: healing what’s hidden

Holding on to Hope

God doesn’t operate as humans do. He uses the foolish to shame the wise. He makes a no-name shepherd into a king. He lets the last go first. He prays for his enemies. He turns the other cheek. He overcomes evil with good. He defeats death itself by submitting himself to death. And he births hope out of suffering.

Yeah you gotta admit, but human standards, God operates in a really weird way that most of us struggle to understand.

Don’t give up. Keep holding on to hope because God is faithful to provide it and because you are not alone in the struggle. Trauma may have been what brought you here, but soon enough, God’s redemptive love for you will take you to places so rich with joy and purpose you can’t even imagine them yet!

Right on time with the last thing I wrote was that I want to give up, isn’t it cool God can work like that? That He’s just always aware and gives His word in such a timely manner? Yeah He’s pretty awesome and just mind boggling and insane to fully comprehend.

‭��Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

The formula this passage gives us: suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. Of all the ways we’d expect hope to be produced, suffering wouldn’t have been at the top of the list. And yet, here we see that it is the unlikely place where hope is actually found. And you know what, it makes sense, because what would call for the need of hope if we didn’t suffer at some point?

Ephesians 3:20 NIV

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,”

Yeah that’s so true and sometimes I forget it when things don’t always go my way. God is literally all powerful, like insanely so. And sometimes I can be selfish with that, asking for things for me when really I don’t deserve anything. Why should He give me what I ask for? There’s no reason! But all the more reason to be grateful when He does!

James 1:2-4 NIV

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

We all know there are no quick fixes to trauma. It’s going to take patience and grit but do. not. give. up. What does he mean by “let perseverance finish its work”? I’m inclined to believe that he meant something like this: Don’t give up when you’re already partway there. Don’t let it all be for nothing. Yes, the pain is awful, but if you keep moving forward, it will mean something someday. Somehow, this terrible experience will be recycled for something good even though it doesn't make sense right now. And I really do believe that from past experiences. We don’t go through things without reason, trust that it fits in the plan some way down the road.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Top 20 Favorite Albums Of All Time: 2024 Edition

Ranking the best albums of all time is really hard, because there are thousands of albums out there, and you maybe haven’t heard a lot of those albums you’d love. I’ve been a music fan for the last 17 years, give or take, and I’ve listened to tons of albums, but one thing I don’t usually do is make ranked best of lists of albums I personally love. I like doing yearend lists, because that’s only the single year, not of all time. I’ve only done a best of all time ranking once, and that was maybe a decade ago, but in the span of that time, my taste has changed. I thought it would be interesting to take a look at my favorite albums of all time. It took awhile, but over the last few years, my taste has changed a lot. It’s going to, as that’s how tastes work. I’ve always thought of tastes in media are fluid, and not finite, because you can have different opinions at different points in time. With that said, some albums I used to absolutely revere aren’t always I love that much anymore, so if you’re wondering where something is, it’s probably that I still really love it, but not that much. I do have a handful of honorable mentions, and some of these albums are ones that I used to really love, and while I may still love them, they didn’t make the cut. I did have one rule, however, when I made this list: only two albums per band / artist on the main list. That’s because I love multiple albums from a lot of these bands and artists, so I only limited myself to two albums from any artist, but the honorable mentions might have an album that didn’t make the cut. They aren’t in any order, either, but let’s start with the honorable mentions, starting with…

Beastie Boys - Licensed To Ill

A lot of the albums on the entire list mean something to me, whether it’s the first album in a genre I discovered, or an album that I have a lot of nostalgia for, and Beastie Boys’ debut, Licensed To Ill is one of those, for sure. This is one of the first hip-hop albums I listened to, at least a few years after dipping my toes into the genre, and Beastie Boys blew my mind with their brand of hip-hop meets metal and punk, especially with Slayer’s Kerry King having a guest spot on their debut. Truthfully, their later albums are better, but I have a soft spot for their debut, because it’s so much fun and scrappy. For one of the first rap albums I ever listened to, I love it.

Childish Gambino - Because The Internet

Speaking of hip-hop, I don’t want to spoil too much of what you’ll see later, but Childish Gambino (otherwise known as Donald Glover) is the first rapper I ever listened to. I have another album of his on the list, but his sophomore album (not counting mixtapes), 2013’s Because The Internet, is a fun and experimental romp through hip-hop, R&B, pop, psychedelic, and electronic music. It’s got some of my favorite songs of his, but it’s also a really interesting and unique album that still doesn’t quite sound like anything I’ve ever heard.

Van Halen - S/T

Hard-rock band Van Halen is one of my favorite bands, and their 1978 self-titled debut is one of the best hard-rock albums ever made. This is the album that introduced people to both David Lee Roth, and Eddie Van Halen (may he rest in power). This isn’t anything necessarily unique, but it’s one hell of a record with some great riffs, solos, and hooks.

Black Sabbath - Paranoid

Arguably the first metal band, Black Sabbath’s debut album, 1970’s Paranoid, is also considered to be the first true heavy metal album, and it rules. It’s got a couple of their most beloved and well known songs, but it’s the album that first showcased heavy metal as its own sound, versus being bluesy hard-rock. This album was one of the first traditional heavy metal album albums that I listened to, and showed me that a lot of classic metal albums have merit to them.

Miles Davis - Kind Of Blue

I’ve become a jazz fan over the last few years, at least more than I used to be, and one of my favorite jazz records, as well as the first jazz record I ever listened to, is Miles Davis’ magnum opus, 1959’s Kind Of Blue. This is such a dynamic and interesting little jazz album that took the genre into new and unexplored territories, especially with Miles Davis already being an influential band leader by that point.

Dio - Holy Diver

Along with Black Sabbath’s Paranoid, Dio’s - 1983 debut album, Holy Diver, is one of my favorite traditional heavy metal albums that got me into that style. Dio, the band, is made up of the 1980 - 1982 lineup of Black Sabbath, sans Tony Iommi, but one could also argue that Holy Diver was an influence on power metal. Ronnie James Dio isn’t only one of the best and most expressive metal vocalists, his sense of lyricism was more based on Lord Of The Rings and fantasy, versus the typical cliches of rock and metal at the time. This album is really catchy, fun, anthemic, and larger than life, but that was Dio in a nutshell.

Metallica - Ride The Lightning

Ah, Metallica, you know they’d be here, but this is one of the exceptions to my “two album rule,” as I have three albums from this legendary and iconic band on the list, although only two on the actual list, so I kept one here. That album is 1984’s Ride The Lightning. This is their second album, where they honed their sound a bit, but this isn’t the first album from them I listened to, nor is it quite my favorite, although this album is legendary, and for good reason.

The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

A decade ago, The Beatles were easily my favorite band. I went through a whole couple of years where they were all I listened to, and truth be told, 1967’s Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, is still a great album, and it’s one of my favorites, but I haven’t gone back to it as much in recent years. Maybe I’m just burnt out on them, or my taste has changed, but this isn’t quite my all time favorite. I still love this album, and it’s a wonderful rock album, being a monumental album both for the genre and for its time.

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours

Arguably the best pop / pop-rock album of all time, you know Fleetwood Mac’s 1977 masterpiece Rumours had to be here. This album is a lightning in a bottle kind of album that could only have been made under the right set of circumstances. If just one small thing was off, who knows what this album would have sounded like? This is the best example of a breakup album that’s written by both parties of the breakup, let alone writing songs about each other and singing on each others’ songs. Talk about awkward, but that awkwardness makes for some of the best music ever made.

Spiritbox - Eternal Blue

This is the most recent album on my list, but I’ve gone on record as saying that Spiritbox’s debut album, 2021’s Eternal Blue, is one of my new all time favorite albums. It was my favorite album of 2021, and it’s one of the best albums of the 2020s so far. This band mixes alt-metal, djent, metalcore, progressive metal, and even pop and electronic sounds to make for a very fun, catchy, accessible, and palatable sound that is only getting better, especially with their newest EP from last year.

Okay, it’s time for my top 20 favorite albums of all time, so here we go!

20: Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience

One of my all time favorite solo artists is pop and R&B singer Justin Timberlake, and I’ll go into more detail later, but his 2013 comeback album, The 20/20 Experience, is one of my favorite pop and R&B albums. I’m gonna cheat and just point you to the direction of the ten-year retrospective I wrote last year, because I go into a lot more detail than I could here.

19: Paramore - Riot

A huge congratulations is needed for Paramore in their Grammy wins last week, but the first album from them I ever heard is 2007’s Riot, and it’s also one of my favorite albums from the MySpace / scene era. It’s held up surprisingly well, but it’s such a catchy, energetic, and rambunctious pop-punk album that only began to show how talented that band really was (and frankly still is).

18: Bruce Springsteen - Born In The USA

You can’t have an all time favorite albums list without The Boss himself, Bruce Springsteen. At least my list, anyway, because I love me some Springsteen, but my favorite Springsteen album will always be 1984’s Born In The USA. Something about his gruff vocals paired with shimmering and catchy pop-tinged instrumentation is so good, but some of these songs are among his most iconic.

17: Sam Cooke - The Best Of Sam Cooke

I’ve come to love a lot of music from the 1940s and 1950s, and Sam Cooke is my favorite singer of that era, especially with his 1962 greatest hits album. I first listened to Sam Cooke in the movie Hitch, and it took me a long time to figure out who it was, but I absolutely love his work. His voice is among the best of all time, and that greatest hits is such a short but sweet collection of the best of the best.

16: Judas Priest - Screaming For vengeance

Judas Priest is among my favorite bands, and their 1982 album, Screaming For Vengeance, is the first album I ever listened to from them back maybe a decade ago. This is where the band went from a bluesy hard-rock / metal sound to a faster and more energetic sound, more akin to speed metal from that era, but that’s not to say that their earlier material isn’t good, either. Screaming For Vengeance is one of my favorite Priest albums, and for a long, it was my favorite of their albums, at least until I heard another one (which we’ll talk about soon enough).

15: The Gaslight Anthem - Handwritten

Handwritten, the 2012 album from The Gaslight Anthem, is one of my favorite rock albums, but this wasn’t the first album I listened to from them. That would be 2010’s American Slang, and while I enjoyed that album a lot, their foray into classic rock with Handwritten, just resonated a lot more. Brian Fallon and company sound great on this album, and it’s still my favorite album from these guys. Despite releasing one more album in 2014 before going on hiatus until releasing a comeback album last year, which was ultimately disappointing, nothing tops this album for me.

14: U2 - The Best Of 1980 - 1990

Like with Justin Timberlake’s The 20/20 Experience, I’m going to cheat a bit by saying check out my piece on U2, and how I’ve grown to love this band, but their first greatest hits album is an utterly killer album. Out of everything here, this is the most “recent” discovery I’ve made, but I truly do love U2, and this greatest hits album.

13: Metallica - The Black Album

Oh yeah, The Black Album, now we’re talking. I absolutely love this record. Metallica’s most accessible album, and depending on who you talk to, it’s either one of their best or worst albums, but this is where the band really honed in on their penchant for good hooks. This is their catchiest album, but it’s still heavy. Some of these riffs are downright nasty, and it features some of their best solos to date.

12: Fall Out Boy - Folie A Deux

It’s no secret Fall Out Boy is my favorite band, so it would make sense that 2008’s Folie A Deux is one of my favorite albums of all time. This is their catchiest and most accessible, but like with The Black Album, it has some of their best hooks and also some of my favorite Fall Out Boy lyrics. This album deals a lot with their newfound time after their last album came out, and it’s got a lot of biting social satire and commentary, but it’s also just a damn good time.

11: Judas Priest - Painkiller

Judas Priest became a full blown speed metal / thrash metal band in 1990 with Painkiller, and this was their last album Rob Halford until the 00s, but this is a monster of a record. It’s the best Judas Priest album by far, and easily my favorite, but for good reason. Sometimes all you need is a kickass album, and that’s what this is.

10: Guns ‘N Roses - Appetite For Destruction

Top ten time, and first up, is Guns ‘N Roses’ debut, 1987’s Appetite For Destruction, and this is another kickass album, but it rides the line between being hard rock and metal. You can call GNR a metal band, because this album leans very much into that territory, especially with how popular hair metal was at the time. Hair metal was at its prime in 1987, and this album is among the best of that sound, or at least, very close to it. Axl Rose and Slash are one of the best duos in hard rock and metal for good reason.

9: AC/DC - Back In Black

In the beginning of the same decade, AC/DC released the massive Back In Black, and this record is one of the first hard rock albums I ever heard, as well as “classic rock,” and this album will always have a place in my heart. I don’t listen to this album much anymore, because I’ve already played it a thousand times, but every time I dust this album off, so to speak, I think to when I was 12 or 13, listening to this album for the first time.

8: Iron Maiden - The Number Of The Beast

You know I had to put some Iron Maiden here, and of course, I went with 1982’s The Number Of The Beast. This is the quintessential Iron Maiden album, as well as a quintessential heavy metal album (especially from the 1980s). I feel like a lot has been said about this album already, and I’ve talked about it a lot over the years, so I don’t need to say much else other than this album rules.

7: Justin Timberlake - FutureSex / LoveSounds

Justin Timberlake is back, folks, and this time with 2006’s FutureSex / LoveSounds. This was one of the first pop albums I ever listened to, especially after randomly picking it up at FYE one day back in 2012. I was wanting to get out of my comfort zone, and I had always heard great thing about this album, all of which are founded in truth. This record is one of the best pop albums I’ve ever heard, and there’s only one that surpasses it, but we’ll talk about that in a second. This is JT at the top of his game, whether it’s the production, the vocals, or even a lot of the lyrics, this is an iconic album for a reason.

6: Eagles - Their Greatest Hits / Vol 2

I’m a huge fan of the Eagles, and instead of putting their first greatest hits album from 1975, I decided to cheat and put both that and their 1980 second one. Both greatest hits albums have some of my favorite songs from them, but they feel like two halves of a whole. You can’t have one without the other, but if you want some great harmonies, lyricism, vocals, and just the whole package of a band that first started as a country / folk-rock band and turned into one of the highest selling and most influential arena-rock bands, you can’t go wrong with these albums.

5: Childish Gambino - Camp

Childish Gambino’s debut, 2011’s Camp is the first rap album I ever heard, and it’s also one of my all time favorite albums, even today. This record showed me that hip-hop could be emotional, interesting, introspective, and was more than what the mainstream perpetuated. I’ve come around on the genre tenfold, but back then, I was just getting into other styles of music, and I was a fan of Donald Glover already, thanks to Community, and this record blew my mind when I first heard it. I think it holds up quite well today, too, but I plan on writing a piece on this, so I’m gonna save a lot of my thoughts for that, but I love this record a lot.

4: Van Halen - 1984

Hell yeah, brother, 1984 by Van Halen. This is a great album, and it turns 40 this year, although I believed it just did, actually. I talked about their self-titled debut earlier, but their 1984 LP of the same name is my favorite album of theirs. Songs like “Jump, “Top Jimmy,” and “Hot For Teacher” are god tier 80s rock and metal songs. This album is also really awesome for featuring synth, especially at a time when synths were becoming more popular, but not for rock music. Van Halen made it work, and 1984 is one of the best albums of all time.

3: Metallica - Master Of Puppets

A couple of years ago, I made a list ranking the first five Metallica albums, and I put 1983’s Kill ‘Em All as my number one, but I’d like to change my ranking a bit here, and put 1986’s Master Of Puppets as my number one, although I do still love their debut, and I go back to it quite a bit, it’s not their best album, or even my personal favorite anymore, but Master Of Puppets isn’t only my favorite Metallica album, it’s also the first album from these guys I listened to. I guess you could say this was the first thrash album I listened to, but metal in general doesn’t get any better than Master Of Puppets.

2: Fall Out Boy - Infinity On High

You know, I’ve said for the longest time that my favorite album of all time is Fall Out Boy’s Infinity On High, and I suppose you can say that the final (and top) two albums are interchangeable, but I’ve been thinking about what album is truly my number one. It depends on the day which one would really be my favorite, but with that said, these final two albums are two of the most influential albums on me personally. Fall Out Boy’s Infinity On High is the first album I ever got into, back when I was a wee lad, and only discovering music for the first time, so this album has a history with me. I just wrote extensively about this album on its anniversary a few days ago, so check that out for some more context on this album.

1: Michael Jackson - Thriller

Michael Jackson’s 1982 juggernaut Thriller is a GOATed album. Let’s not mince words here. I saw a clip of Donald Glover being interviewed by his costar from Mr. And Mrs. Smith about what album is considered the GOAT and he said Thriller. I’ve been thinking about that, and the more I keep saying to myself that’s true. This album is the first pop album I ever listened to, because I wanted to get out of my comfort zone of being into rock and metalcore, like I was at the time, so I remember seeing a copy of Thriller and I decided to grab it. Little did I know that album would blow my mind to smithereens, whether it was for its production or its vocals. I had only known Michael Jackson from the tabloids, especially before he passed, and didn’t understand how important and influential his music was, but knowing that history and context, this album is the highest selling album of all time for good reason.

[thinplacesradio]

an orange-pink-purple sunset. on the right, a jetbridge extending out into an empty airport runway, lights on the horizon. the image is distorted by VCR static. white text reads: 

[019] THE APARTMENTS. A CALLER LOOKS FOR A CONNECTION. THE HOST WAITS FOR DEPARTURE.

listen here, or anywhere you find your podcasts. transcript under the cut:

[static, radio tuning]

[Traveling Sales Rep: Don’t touch that dial! We’ll be right back, after these short messages.] [static, radio tuning]

[click]

Hello and welcome to Thin Places Radio. I’m your host,

and it is the middle of the night. But don’t worry. You’re not alone.

[Thin Places theme] 

I’m coming to you in transit from my studio, which is what I like to call this abandoned corner of this airport terminal, all the screens blinking that blank, forgetful blue. [background hum] It’s floor-to-ceiling dark through the windows, and the light above me keeps flickering in and out. I can see people passing this gate every once in a while, their tired steps, faces contorted in yawns and sneezes and the blur of motion. No one sits down. Why would they? This isn’t their gate. It doesn’t mean anything at all to them. 

So… what is Thin Places Radio? Well, you can call in about anything strange that you’ve got going on in your life - feelings, omens, premonitions, hauntings.

Is someone following you and your friends around? 

Is your home connected to someone else’s? Metaphysically? 

Are you out looking for sea monsters? 

When the veil between worlds is thin, we get closer than ever to the strange and the unexplained - but also to each other. Call in, get it off your chest. Lines are open.

[click] [You have: 2 new messages.] [click]

Hi, um - I was scrolling through TikTok earlier, like the 20-something I am, um, and I came across this video that... was... of the two rooms that were shown, it had the exact same ground plan, exact same floor plan, as, as my apartment. And, it, it freaked me out. Um. And I don’t know if they, you know, they’re my neighbors or, y’know, just the same architect reused the floor plan. But it - the fact that it came across me and had the same - looked the same - it was weird. Um. Yeah. 

[click]

Hi, um - me again. I just woke up so this - last night, I was, yknow, messing around on my phone and whatever, right before I went to bed, just trying to get tired enough to go to sleep, and then - all of a sudden I saw these, these headlights, outside my window, which would be normal, except that I live on the second floor, and my room doesn’t face the street, it faces - actually, the opposite way from the street. And I didn't hear any sort of car, and I - I checked the weather, and it was completely clear, it couldn’t have been lightning, but I - I swear it was headlights, even though... I don’t know. It was strange. I just hope you might be able to offer some insight. Thanks. 

[click]

Hi, caller - I know you meant these as two separate questions, a week and a day apart from each other, but I think that they might actually be the same one. Two questions opening a door to the same location, interconnected with one another. Is the place I live connected to another, different place? The headlights coming in another window, in another apartment, onto your wall, the same shape as the wall in that apartment, the same rooms beside one another, the same kitchen and the same appliances and wall moulding and floor ridging.

[searching music]

The same house in two separate places, occupied by two separate groups of people, living their lives right on top of each other without ever knowing. Do you feel them, sometimes, when you’re both in the same place at the same time? Two hands turning on the shower, or the stove, or sliding the lock into the door? A sense of deja vu but for someone else entirely?

In the end, it just... is. It’s just true that all of us are connected to each other in a thousand different ways. You have the same water bottle as the person across the quad from you. You have a mole in the same spot on your cheek as someone else does on the other side of the planet. You have the same taste for dark chocolate. You wear the same clothes somebody else donated, in a different way than they used to. There is no universal experience, no emotion that everyone feels the same way, no situation that every person goes through all at once. But any two people will have something in common. Any two people, if you look close enough at them, and at yourself, have some small - or large - human overlap, a small mirror reflecting back and forth and back and forth and back.

[click]

[dot-dash-dash dot-dot-dot-dot dot dot-dash-dot dot / dot-dash dot-dash-dot dot / dash-dot-dash-dash dash-dash-dash dot-dot-dash]

I, Ir - I don’t know. I don’t ever know. I don’t -

[dot-dash-dash dot-dot-dot-dot dot dot-dash-dot dot / dot-dash dot-dash-dot dot / dash-dot-dash-dash dash-dash-dash dot-dot-dash]

[click] [low background chatter]

I don’t have a suitcase, like everyone else, a backpack, any kind of duffel or cross-body purse or plastic shopping bag or tote. I think this is my gate, though. I’ve got a boarding pass here in my pocket, but when I fish it out, I can’t read the five or six letters of my name on it, the barcode, the arrival or the departure airport. But the door ahead of me is opening, now, into nothing. And the only thing to do is to see what other place it’s connected to [humming] - whose apartment is on the other side. I can’t stay here. That isn’t what an airport’s for. The only thing to do is to walk into the dark to see what happens next. 

[click]

Thank you for listening, callers, and thank you for calling, listeners. I hope you feel a little bit lighter. I know I do. As always, our number is 717.382.8093. That’s 717.382.8093. Until next time. I’ll be somewhere.

[static] [Traveling Sales Rep: visit us at the - diner just off -] [Various Garbled Voices: the - road - provides - the - road - provides -]

Thin Places Radio is a podcast written by Kristen O’Neal and produced by Kaitlin Bruder. The voice of Your Host is Kristen O’Neal.

Tonight’s voicemails were left for us by Kaia. Editing and sound design are by Kaitlin Bruder, and the music tracks you heard in tonight’s episode are: the Thin Places theme, by Miles Morkri, and Umeed by RANA. If you have a question to ask, a story to tell, or a suggestion for the host, give us a call at ‪(717) 382-8093‬. The lines are always open.

[Thin Places Theme outro]

[dot-dash-dash dot-dot-dot-dot dot dot-dash-dot dot / dot-dash dot-dash-dot dot / dash-dot-dash-dash dash-dash-dash dot-dot-dash]

[rileyedunn]

Swiping, Ghosting, and Finding Something Real

Dating in college has a reputation, and for good reason. When I first arrived at my school outside of Philadelphia, I had these visions of meaningful connections, spontaneous adventures, and maybe even a love story that would last beyond graduation. What I didn’t know, though, was that dating in college often feels more like navigating a labyrinth of confusion, disappointment, and a lot of bad first dates.

One thing I quickly learned? Guys aren’t always who they appear to be. It seems like everyone’s wearing a mask of sorts, hiding behind a carefully curated version of themselves. I’d meet someone new, and within a few days, the charming guy who seemed like he was "all about me" would suddenly pull back, vanish, or worse, start playing emotional games. One minute, they’re texting me non-stop, making all kinds of promises, and the next, I’m left ghosted.

It wasn’t just the emotional games, though. There’s also this weird sense of entitlement that some guys have, like they expect attention and affection just because they’re, well, there. I mean, really? I’ve had guys act like doing the bare minimum—texting back or offering me a seat—was somehow this grand gesture that deserved applause. It made me start questioning, are people just that out of touch with basic respect and kindness? Was I expecting too much?

And then there’s the slow death of chivalry. I’m not talking about grand, over-the-top gestures—just basic decency. Opening a door, offering your coat when someone’s cold, giving a genuine compliment that isn’t laced with an agenda. I’m not saying all guys are like this, but sometimes, it feels like a rare find. When you’re in a sea of “nice guys” who have yet to learn that being “nice” isn’t just about being polite—it’s about being honest, respectful, and emotionally available—dating can start to feel like a game you didn’t sign up for.

Will is different. In a world full of noise, he’s the quiet, steady force that I didn’t know I needed. He’s from Syracuse, just like me, but goes to school in Rhode Island. We met through mutual friends, and from the very first conversation, I felt something real. It wasn’t the usual banter or small talk that seemed to characterize most college dating. It was just... genuine. He wasn’t trying to impress me with flashy words or a carefully curated version of himself. Will was just himself, and that was enough.

What set him apart was the way he made me feel seen. Not like I was just someone he was spending time with until something better came along. No, he actually cared. He listened to what I had to say, remembered the little things, and never made me feel like I had to fight for his attention. And the best part? He was kind—like, really kind. It wasn’t a “nice guy” facade, either. It was real. Whether it was sending a thoughtful text just to check in, or walking me home after class without a second thought, Will made me feel like I mattered. Not because I did something to deserve it, but just because that’s the kind of person he was.

Will’s family played a huge part in who he is. He has two brothers, Nick (15) and John (20), and you can tell that their relationship is built on respect, love, and time spent together. I remember when I met his family for the first time over the holidays. I was a little nervous, but they welcomed me in like I was already part of the family. It was clear to me that he had been raised with strong values: respect for others, kindness above all else, and an openness that I hadn’t experienced with anyone else before.

Will doesn’t just talk about being a good person—he lives it. And that’s something I truly appreciated. One of the things that struck me most was how polite he was, not just with me, but with everyone around him. I can’t even count how many times we’d be out, and I’d see him treat servers, strangers, and friends with the same level of kindness and respect he showed me. It was like being around him made me realize that kindness isn't rare. It’s just often overshadowed by the noise of the world.

And then there’s the distance. Will is from about an hour away from me when we both are in New York for our breaks, and yet he would always drive to see me when we were both home on break. He would drive a fill hour to pick me up, to take me back to his house so we could sit and talk for hours, just to drive me an hour home at 3 am, and be up by 7 for work. I could have driven, but Will always went out of his way to make sure I knew how much I was worth. His parents send him money weekly in college for him to do fun things, and he always sets hand aside to save for when he drives from his college in Rhode Island to come pick me up in Pennsylvania - to drive back with me to Rhode Island for a weekend. It’s not about grand gestures or trying to impress me with the distance he’s willing to travel, he did it because he wanted to. It’s about making a relationship a priority. And the best part? He never made me feel like I owed him anything for it. He just enjoyed being around me.

That’s the thing about Will: he didn’t complicate things. No games. No pretense. Just genuine kindness, respect, and a desire to get to know me for who I am—not just the version of me I present to the world.

Dating in college can sometimes feel like a maze of confusion, false expectations, and missed connections. But with Will, everything felt... simpler. In a good way. I stopped worrying about whether he was playing games or if he liked me enough. I just knew he did, and that was enough. It was a reminder that dating doesn’t have to be complicated or filled with anxiety—it can be about connection, respect, and, most importantly, feeling like you’re with someone who truly values you for who you are.

So, to anyone who’s ever felt like they’re stuck in the cycle of bad dates and half-hearted relationships, I just want to say: don’t settle. There are people out there who will surprise you, not with flashy gestures or empty promises, but with the quiet, consistent kindness that makes you feel at home. That’s what Will taught me. And maybe, just maybe, there’s a little bit of hope left for dating after all.

[l-sincline]

Mouthwashing ramblerant under the cut bc I wanted to put my words into my void of a blog

Okay first of all finished watching a playthrough of the game last night and it was stunning I cried several times and loved it and I am generally extremely impressed BUT something that I noticed while I was watching was that I really felt that like, anyone under 20 who hadn’t graduated any school yet really would not get the whole game and that is wholly exacerbated to me by how laser focused everyone seems to be on Anya and her part in the story.

That is not to say that Anya’s part isn’t important, but rather her part is one piece in a larger puzzle. Mouthwashing isn’t just about the patriarchy and man v woman, it’s really largely about the negative effect of capitalism and being a part of the working class (or middle and lower class). However, I also think these aspects of the game are harder to understand if you are not like, fully out in the world adulting with school put behind you. When you finally finish school theres this sense of accomplishment for a brief moment, and then that dread sets in when you hit month six at your job not at all related to what you got your degree in and suddenly the weight of capitalism is entirely on you. And I think this massive chunk of the story is really explored by the other characters.

In Swansea we get this bittered older man who’s maybe reaching retirement age but is generally sick of his job and ready to be done with it. In his final moments we hear the details about how he used to be a drunkard and how awful it was, all the pain he went through then. He decided to go sober because society told him that if he just straightened out and pulled himself together enough to settle down and work a classic 9 to 5 and support his family, he would be much happier. In the end, he came to this conclusion that he actually wasn’t happy with his work at all, and that everything society had told him about work and feeling fulfilled through working was bullshit; so even though he didn’t like being drunk all the time, those ended up being the happiest moments of his life because at least it was all by the hand of himself instead of a mega corp.

In Daisuke you get the story of a young kid that really doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He feels unfulfilled, he lives with his parents, probably has never really been away from them, so when they point him in the direction of an internship, he’s kind of just set up to give into the apathy of life and just go work an awful job— because what else can he do? So often students get to the end of their schooling and feel directionless, like they missed the chapter on how to actually get the job doing what they love. And then you wonder if that means you deserve that job at all. And actually, what you love wouldn’t make you a lot of money anyways, so you should just pick something steady that pays decently. Thats all you can ask for.

And man, Jimmy and Curly. Their conversation in the cockpit towards the start of the game is really an encapsulation of how the entire crew has been affected. You spend so long climbing up one ladder, when you realize you cant see the top or bottom, you have to decide if you’re just going to keep trying to reach the top or if you’re just going to take the leap of faith and start all over on another ladder. But what if you miss the ladder? What if this ladder is even taller, even worse than the last? Do you keep jumping ladders until it’s time to retire and you’ve accumulated nothing but a deep sense of failure? Do you just pick a rung to sit on and mourn never making a decision for yourself and just following the whims of capitalism and mega corps your whole life?

And all of this affects Anya too. A woman now stuck with a baby she didn’t want. A woman who will lose her job if they ever touch down again. A woman who will have to deal with the societal pressure of what to do with her unwanted baby. A woman that tried her best, but was still told it wasn’t good enough. Shes the woman that looks at her hierarchy and realizes there isn’t another woman to be seen at her job for miles. A woman working a job so male oriented that it doesn’t see the point of locking doors to sleeping areas or making sure that a woman isn’t alone on a long flight surrounded by men. A woman that has to sit there and wonder if she worked so hard her entire life just for those corporations she worked so hard for to still hate her.

Anyways. Thats my Mouthwashing rant. Too many people not noticing the overall importance of capitalism v the working class in the story. Thanks for coming

[jodilin65]

Yesterday was a bit frustrating because I was doing my ride when the app crashed, and I lost my progress. I had gone 5 miles and had to do those miles over again. This isn’t the first time this has happened, nor am I the only one it’s happened to. The devs tell me they’re rolling out a patch over the next day or two to fix it. If it had happened on someone else’s ride, I would have just jumped into another one. But I’ve had to redo a total of around 20 miles of my long ride because of this issue. Anyway, I’m now about 115 miles from the finish line, so hopefully it won’t take more than a week.

Bailey’s new eyelashes look great on her. It was much easier to do than I expected. It definitely helps if the glue is tacky but doesn’t dry instantly until you cure it. This way, I don’t get glue all over myself. Regular eyelashes suck because they’re not only too long, but when it comes to dolls, you have to stick the eyelashes the other way so they keep sticking to your finger while you’re trying to line them up against the doll for gluing. Using these short little “wispies,” I was able to place four sections of eyelashes on her upper lid.

I then took her picture and shared it in the park group, asking if people thought I should do the bottoms as well or leave it as it was. Instead of an answer, all I got was, “I’ll just say it. The doll looks creepy.” Two people “liked” this comment.

I forget that, for some bizarre reason, many people find dolls creepy. I don’t understand this for the life of me. As Tom said, a doll can be made to look creepy, as can a clown, but normally they don’t look creepy. I mean, kids play with them, for fuck’s sake. They don’t find them creepy. Is that just an adult thing or something and is Barbie “creepy?” So rather than creep people out and be insulted, I took the post down. I mean, it was funny, but it was also a bit insulting even though I still appreciate people’s honesty.

I probably won’t bother doing the bottom lashes because those would have to be trimmed, and the ones on top are the shortest the pack came with. These wispy brown ones look much more natural on her than the thick black ones she came with.

Her eyes looked funny when I was shining the UV flashlight on them. They were milky like dead eyes.

I dreamed that the mystery girl told me her favorite colors were purple and green, that she studied some French, and wasn’t scared of rats but didn’t want them as pets.

Then the honker annoyed me all the way from Canada, LOL. In the dream, he lived in a house (which looked a bit different) and we still lived across the street, only we were in a big apartment building.

I was in our apartment doing some yoga exercises and was pleased to find I was suddenly as flexible as I was in my 20s and 30s.

Then I was talking to a woman who suggested I put some makeup on, especially on my lips and nose, LOL. So I went back to my apartment and slowly applied a full face of makeup. It seemed to take a while to do it.

Aware that the honker had returned temporarily, I was disappointed to hear him revving his motorcycle while I was applying the makeup and worried that he might wake me up. I told myself to try not to worry about it since our apartment was in the back of the building. Then I was more annoyed when I heard his dog begin to howl.

I went in search of the woman I discussed makeup with to get her opinion on how my makeup looked, but I couldn’t find her anywhere, including the café that I checked on the ground floor.

Then I was in a large screened-in area that ran along the front of the building and noticed a river toward one side. I thought the rushing water looked cool and wished we could see it from our apartment.

Then I saw the honker’s son, which he doesn’t have in real life, walking his dog, which was a different breed. In the dream, it was a German Shepherd. It then occurred to me, with dismay, that if the honker had only returned temporarily, why would he haul the motorcycle and have his friend visit?

I looked for the woman some more with no success, and then I was outside. On a grassy embankment across the street from the honker’s place were about five young women sunbathing. One wore a colorful bikini. Suddenly, the honker’s dog appeared in a window, staring at the women.

[science-fantasy-superheroes]

PE AU: Scene 20-22

Scene 20:

On test day, Evie fishes through her purse, but becomes frantic as she can’t find what she’s looking for.

Mr. Deley: “Looking for something?”

Evie reflexively shuts her purse, and looks up to see him holding her mirror. Her mouth gapes, but she knows there’s not much she can say.

Mr. Deley: “Thank you, Chad.” He puts a hand on his back. “It’s gratifying to see someone still respects the honor code.” He addresses Evie again. “It will be my recommendation that you are expelled.”

Evie: “Mr. Deley, I…!” She flounders for a way to save herself.

Doug: “But that isn’t fair! Obviously, she wasn’t cheating since she didn’t have that… whatever it is.”

Evie: “It’s a mirror.” She hints that he’s playing too clueless.

Doug: “Maybe she needed another pencil.” 

Evie: “My pencil’s fine.” It’s already on her desk in plain view. “I was looking for my eraser.”

Doug: “Right. So, you can’t expel her for looking for her own property!”

Evie: “Please.” She’s not even trying to be manipulative with her desperation; getting expelled would ruin everything.

Mr. Deley: “… Well, if you can pass this test, I’ll return your property and let the matter drop.”

They both breathe a sigh of relief, and Evie gives Doug a look of gratitude. She then shoots Chad a death glare, one determined to pass this test.

[I’m glad Doug stood up for Evie in canon, but he also told her to “stop talking; you’re not helping”, so it was giving mixed messages. (That’s not even getting into how this leads into the next scene that’s supposed to show how smart she is.) But it also didn’t make sense for Evie, who grew up learning street smarts, to almost call herself out. (Even per my headcanon, there’s a difference between struggling to lie, and snitching on yourself.) Anyway, I changed things so she and Doug work together and build off each other.]

Scene 21:

Evie runs up behind Doug, waving around a packet of paper.

Evie: “Doug! Doug!” He turns around just as she reaches him and she holds out her test for him to see, barely able to contain her excitement.

The camera shows the “B+” marked at the top.

Doug: “You passed?” He gasps.

Evie: “I passed!” She confirms, waiting to see his reaction before letting out all her energy.

Doug: “You passed!” He stands up and holds his arms out around her in a “Well, look at you!” gesture.

Evie: “I passed!” She leaps up and throws her arms around his neck. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

He smiles and hugs her back.

Doug: “Unless you cheated off me,” he teases her, “you did do it without me. This is all you.”

Evie lets go to look back at her test, grinning ear to ear, still in a bit of disbelief, but very much proud of herself.

Evie: “For the first time, it’s like I’m more than just a pretty face.” Her smile turns a bit shy. “… Do you think I could get an A, next time?”

Doug’s smile turns a bit sad.

Doug: “Evie.” He waits for her to look at him. “You were always more than just a pretty face.”

All she can do is stare at him as a blush crosses her cheeks.

Just then, Mal runs up.

Mal: “Evie! Is everything okay? I heard you screaming!”

Evie: “I passed!” She shows off her test. “Without my mirror.” She whispers.

Mal: “Ah! Evie, I’m so proud of you!” She squeezes her in a hug.

Ben: “Evie! Are you alright? I heard you were almost expelled!” Ben runs up then, much to Mal’s displeasure.

Evie: “You sound like Mal.” She giggles. “But, nope. I passed my chemistry test!”

Ben: “You’re amazing, Evie!” He hugs her and she giggles again. “I think this calls for our first date.”

Evie’s heart stops, but she doesn’t mind.

Evie: “Seriously?”

Ben: “I thought it’d be a good way to celebrate.” He gets a bit sheepish.

Finally, her heart restarts and she squeals.

Evie: “Yes! I mean, it is! I’d love to! Do you know where we should go?” She barely waits for Ben to nod. “Let’s go now!” She tugs on his arm. “Oh, wait.” She stops as soon as she starts. “Should I go change?”

Ben smirks in amusement.

Ben: “You’re perfect the way you are.”

She perks up all over again.

Evie: “Then, let’s go!” They leave arm in arm.

Doug holds a bittersweet smile, but Mal is entirely displeased.

Doug: “They seem good together.”

Mal: “Yeah… seem…” She mumbles.

She eventually notices Doug eyeing her with concern.

Mal: “I’m not worried about Ben. I’m just… I don’t know if she’s falling too fast.” She realizes she’s– gag– opening up to someone and waves a hand to clear her mind. “Eh. She can take care of herself.” She walks away.

[Evie sneaking up behind Doug was cute and all, but she also deserved a moment to happily scream, okay?

Doug isn’t flirting here (even though his non-love-potion-influenced genuine compliment did make Evie’s heart flutter). (Even if a part of him is falling in love again, but he’s channeling that into his platonic love.)]

Scene 22:

[CW: Discussion about a love spell-influenced kiss from the perspective of the one NOT under the love spell]

Mal is rummaging through her spellbook when Evie suddenly comes in, shutting the door behind her with her back pressed against it. Her face is flushed, but not from positive feelings. She takes a long breath before sinking to the floor with her head in her hands. Mal raises an eyebrow in concern and immediately gets up to check on her.

Mal: “E? What’s wrong?” She sits next to her.

She uncovers her face and looks up at her on the verge of tears.

Evie: “I can’t do this to Ben anymore.”

Mal: “What happened?” She starts to feel uneasy.

Evie hugs her knees to her chest and the unease gets worse.

Evie: “He… He kissed me… And I knew it wouldn’t feel like true love’s kiss, but the spell’s not supposed to make him do things he doesn’t want to, and I didn’t even ask him to, so why would he choose to kiss me if he’s not in love with me?”

Mal switches between disgust and confusion.

Mal: “Do you think he’s in love with you or not…?”

Evie: “I don’t. I mean, it didn’t feel like a kiss given in love, but that’s what made it so… freaky!” She lets out a huff of air and her shoulders slump. “I don’t know what to do… I mean, except set him free, and get us kicked out of Auradon, and fail our parents, and ruin everything. But I won’t do that to you guys.”

Mal: “… Are you sure he didn’t fall in love with you? I mean, how do you even ‘feel’ that a kiss isn’t given in love? You can only feel your own feelings. Well, without an empathy spell.”

She was trying to lighten the mood, but Evie only closes up more.

Evie: “But that just makes it worse then. I put a spell on him to notice me enough to actually fall in love, and I don’t even like him back…” She buries her face in her knees.

Mal just stares at her for a while, unsure of what to say.

Mal: “… I’ll keep him occupied. That way, I can figure out what’s up with him, too.”

Evie: “I know you don’t want to.” She doesn’t want to make her do anything. (Nor does she want the Crown Prince to go “missing” because Mal got too annoyed.)

Mal grins mischievously.

Mal: “Of course I do. I like being a villain. If you had refused to be the target of Ben’s love spell before, I would’ve done it myself. And if Ben’s just into bad girls and falls in love with me, then it’ll be of his own volition and I won’t feel bad about rejecting him.”

The corner of Evie’s lips quirks up.

Evie: “I guess that’s true…” She falls back into a frown. “And we can’t defy our parents anyway… Alright. Thanks, M.” Her smile isn’t entirely happy, but it is very grateful. Suddenly, her eyes go wide and she gets sheepish. “Um… I kind of already agreed to go on a date with him tomorrow… Before the kiss. Do you want me to cancel?”

Mal: “… Better not. Honestly, I’d keep avoiding making plans to see him otherwise. I’ll… tell him you and Doug have a test to study for.”

Evie’s not even entirely sure why, but she feels compelled to pull her in for a hug.

Evie: “You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.”

Mal: “Aw, don’t get all mushy on me.” She acts annoyed and doesn’t hug her back, but she doesn’t push her away either.

Mal lets her stay until she’s ready to let go, then gets up and helps her up too.

Mal: “All good?”

Evie nods and smiles a bit.

Mal: “Great. I have to get back to finding all the spells we’ll need.” She retreats back to her bed.

The mention of the spells for Ben’s coronation reminds Evie to get back to sewing their outfits (plus, it’s a nice way to busy herself).

Right after opening the spellbook, Mal pauses, realizing something.

Mal: “I’m supposed to hang out with Jane tomorrow!” She scolds herself, quietly enough that Evie doesn’t hear.

Thinking for a minute, she then picks up her phone and taps away at the screen.

Mal: “Hopefully, Carlos won’t mind taking my place.” She mumbles.

[And so I set up bonding time for the three VK ships~ (Sorry, Jay, canon didn’t give you one, but that’s why I’m giving you bonding time with your tourney teammates~ Off-screen, for the reasons as stated in the challenge, sorry.)

As per the challenge, this takes the place of the makeup scene (I don’t have any problems with the scene– aside from Ben’s “For the first time, I understand the difference between pretty and beautiful.”– it just doesn’t fit in the AU).

Also as per the challenge, unfortunately, Evie & Doug and Carlos & Jane’s hangouts have been relegated to off-screen. Carlos and Jane would talk about their problems and bond over feeling overshadowed and cowardly. To be honest, I don’t know what Evie and Doug would do.

EDIT: I don’t know if anyone saw the previous version, but it needed this overhaul. Still not sure if this one captures the vision in my head (kind of wanted to add something about how Evie feels about her mom’s influence, but maybe that would be a passage exclusive to the imaginary book for this version of the movie), but I don’t plan on changing it anytime soon.

(Also, yes, the prior comments were made for the previous version, hence the weird tonal shift (I told you it needed an overhaul!), but the points still stand and they offer a sort of mental break from the heaviness, so I’m leaving them be.)]

Masterlist

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Going The Extra Mile

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+1 John 5:3 In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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Luke 5:18 Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a sleeping mat. They tried to take him inside to Jesus, 19, but they couldn’t reach him because of the crowd

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM GOING THE EXTRA MILE WITH JESUS

I AM FILLED WITH JOY

I AM ENDURING THROUGH

I AM BLESSED BY THE BEST

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THOUGHTS:

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Sometimes, when we hold the door open or compliment someone or do more work on our job, a lot of people don’t see it, and sometimes it feels like, why do I have to go the extra mile if it’s not going to be seen but what we must realize is that sometimes we shouldn’t go the extra mile not to be seen, we should do it because it’s the right thing to do or it’s who we are it’s in our character to be kind and considerate, it’s in our character to be the better person, Jesus when he was here he went the extra mile because he loves people, he wanted to see them saved and filled with joy and much much more .

Today, we are looking at a story that has a group of friends who went the extra mile for their other friend not because they wanted to be known but because they wanted and desired to see their friend in a better state than what he is in; that is what we have to do sometimes, and that’s called being compassionate we have to love people enough to want to see them in a better state and not stuck if we can help it.

Verse 18: Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a sleeping mat. They tried to take him inside to Jesus, 19, but they couldn’t reach him because of the crowd.

The men tried to take their paralyzed friend through the front door, but it was too many people. When things get hard, sometimes we give up because we feel, oh, it must not be of the lord; oh well, let me stop, but just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it’s not from God, sometimes the task that he hands us isn’t going to be easy, isn’t going to be smooth sailing but what makes it easy is that we heed to his voice when he speaks!

Verse 19: “But they couldn’t reach him because of the crowd. So they went up to the roof and took off some tiles. Then they lowered the sick man on his mat down into the crowd, right in front of Jesus.”

The men didn’t stop there; they went on to the top of the roof of the place. When one door is closed, God provides other ways; the men kept going; not only did they get him to the roof, but they also removed tiles. When things get rough, don’t stop , just cry out for Jesus, don’t stop praying, don’t stop looking for other means to pursue what you want or need! Jesus sees what we go through and how much we want it so badly; he hears our cry on the darkest night and the deepest valley!

Verse 20  Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the man, “Young man, your sins are forgiven.”

Jesus SEEN their faith; they knew if they got closer to him if they could let him just see their friend, or if Jesus speak the word or lay his eyes on him , that their friend would be healed. this is the same faith the lady with the issue of blood had; she had that radical kind of faith! She knew if she touched his garment that he would make her whole! How many of us believe that when we give our life to Christ, he can make us whole? When we call out for healing, he can make us whole! How many of you just believed it? Jesus can hear my voice; he can change and heal me !!!!!!

“Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

We don’t need anything else but our faith when it comes to Jesus; we must BELIEVE that what our faith is in him, it not about what we see, because if we base our life or whatever on what’s seen, we won’t never have! We will always be sitting and missing opportunities because we forget where to place our faith in! Which is Jesus. Sometimes it’s hard to have this kind of faith , but God is waiting for us to be fully dependent on him, and when we do this we become more drawn and intimate with him.

***Today let your faith help you through, believe that if Jesus helped them he will help you, if Jesus healed the woman with the issue of blood he will do the same but we must have faith like they did that he’s here for us , we can’t doubt and waver we must be calm , as long as our mind is tossed around like the sea we won’t aren’t showing faith but the moment we allow his words peace be still to take over we will be just fine . Believe in Jesus today hold tight to your faith. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father we thank you for today , we thank you for allowing us to believe in you , lord continue to help us through everything. Lord we are so grateful for everything you have done for us , we are grateful for the love and healing power you have over our lives. Lord if we aren’t sturdy in our faith please show us how, lord grow our faith in you . We need you so much ! We ask today that you’ll be with us and comfort us through the ups and downs of life we give you all of ourselves today . We desire to grow in you each and every day in Jesus Mighty Name Amen .

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REFERENCES

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+John 8:24 told you that you would die in your sins, for unless you believe that I am he you will die in your sins

+Mark 10:52 And Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way

+James 1:3 For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness

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FURTHER READINGS

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2 Kings 3:1-4:17

Acts 14:8-28

Psalm 140:1-13

Proverbs 17:22

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[damnfandomproblems]

Including a few more replies to #5347

Anon:

The original ask is kinda old by now, but I have a few things I wanna say about 5347, particularly directed at people telling OP to just block blogs that post things they don’t like in the tags they frequent. I’m going to use myself as an example. The fandom I’m a part of used to be a lot smaller than it is now, with the new popularity came a lot of ship art/fic with a particular character that wasn’t there before. I hate this. I would like to pretend it doesn’t exist, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to see the “This post contains filtered content” boxes Tumblr uses instead of just getting rid of the post like I fucking asked for, I don’t want to know it’s there. I blocked 209 different blogs off the top of the main character tag I have issue with. 209, and it barely made a dent. All the other character tags they’re frequently shipped with were basically untouched (full of ship art). Main Character Tag is now 10-20 of the newest posts under that tag (again mostly ship art I haven’t sorted through yet), the same 25-50 posts that aren’t ship related I’ve already filtered through, and then a hard line where I stopped. And here’s the kicker, I unfollowed almost all of my mutuals from this fandom because they also now post the art/fics I don’t want to see. So no, I can’t have someone else filter through it for me. This is by far the most batshit thing I’ve ever done. I was just so sick of seeing it, and it did next to nothing other than forcing a shit ton of my own followers to unfollow me. I still can’t use any of the tags and still have no people I can engage with, and 209 different people can no longer see my art. Great. It is impossible. The thing you’re telling them to do is not possible in certain situations. If something is popular enough and prevalent enough that you don’t like, you don’t get to enjoy the fandom anymore. I didn’t want to see ship art related to one of the 20+ characters from this one fandom, and it’s getting to a point where I can’t be part of it at all anymore. The only things I get to see are my own posts, which really fuckin sucks and it’s very quickly pushed me out of the space that’s meant so much to me for so long. “Just block them” isn’t a reasonable solution, and the problem OP was talking about isn’t as trivial as you’d like to pretend it is.

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Anon:

what is that "main tag" thing that people are talking about? I'm not sure I get it right what it means. If for example I want to read "spiderman fanfiction" but I don't want "x reader", logically I have block "#x reader" in the tag list and content I don't want to see, right? Yet, the browsing results still displays "x reader" stuff, either untagged, y/n, or addressing "you" without mentioning the word reader, rendering the filter useless. Do I have to block every single blog that aren't considerate enough to put "#x reader" in the tags? Or if I follow you "avoid the main tag" thing, are you saying I have to wholly avoid looking at "#spiderman fanfiction" just because the main part of the cake is plagued with "x reader"? Doesn't seem fair to me (even if apparently I'm asked to blog every single non taggers instead of venting about that), but it's also no fair for the few people who actually wrote "spiderman fanfiction" WITHOUT "x reader" but will never be seen since apparently the courtesy here is to steer away if you can't stand looking and scrolling down at the load of "x reader". Of course, expecting all people to tags, expecting all dislikers to block instead of "whining" is sheer utopia. But maybe one day, people will actually get fed up with getting their asses lit with the same ventings again and again and will finally realize that a poor few extra seconds for tagging or blocking saves the day of headache and arguments. But again, that's apparently too much to ask.

Rounding up a few responses to Fandom Problem #5347 and ensuing replies

Anon:

5347 seems to be getting a lot of really whiny people getting upset they dared complain about people not tagging things properly. Even people who agree it’s a problem are being like “well it’s your job to cope with it. Just accept it.” My brother in Christ, this is the blog where people complain about issues. That’s the point. People are saying “you signed on for this by following the main tag” and aren’t considering they signed on to see people complaining about things they’ve decided you should just grin and bear for some reason by following a blog like this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Anon:

Yeah, not everyone is going to tag, but it should be expected Bring up the drunk driver point from earlier. People who don't tag should be treated similarly. There needs to be (social) consequences for fans who don't tag Yeah, there's always going to be drunk drivers but that does not mean they just get to do as they please If someone doesn't tag something, or they tag it incorrectly, kindly ask for them to fix it and if they choose to not properly tag, stone wall them fuck out of fandom. Report their un/under tagged posts for spam (or worse if it applies, e.g., sexual content if it's nsft), block them, get your friends to block them too, and make it so they no longer want to hang around because their rude ass is getting no attention. Fandom should be inhospitable towards people who can't take the three seconds to add a tag and show basic human respect for others Don't send hatemail, of course, or dox them or any of that bullshit, but drive them out through a mix of using the TOS and reporting and mass blocking. It should be expected to either tag or be ignored, just like how you should be expected to filter those tags as need be or suffer through being squicked/triggered with no one else to blame besides yourself and/or your guardian(s) depending on your age Everyone should drive with caution, but they shouldn't have to consistently expect drivers because people shouldn't be drunk driving, and drunk drivers should have consequences when they decide to drive drunk because it's both selfish and puts others at risk (Or, to translate the analogy for those not following along: everyone should browse with caution and have their blacklist up to date and be ready to block, but they shouldn't have to consistently expect to have to block people because people should be properly tagging their posts, and people who don't tag their posts should have consequences because they're being selfish and risking triggering/squicking people out because they want attention [if they have the time and energy to put it in the main tag, they have the time and energy to tag a few other things too])

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Anon:

The solution to seeing content you don't like that wasn't tagged properly is to... scroll past it and move on. Trust me, I know. It's annoying when you end up seeing content you didn't want to, or when it ends up cluttering up what you /were/ looking for, but being outraged about it is not a good solution. If you fixate on it, then you'll remember it and think about it more. If you just go "oh, that's not tagged, I wish it was" and scroll past and focus on the content you /do/ want to see, then you'll eventually forget you even saw it (unless it's something particularly egregious, but it's an inevitability of the internet that you'll come across that sometimes). If you're not mature enough to handle the idea of sometimes seeing things that weren't tagged properly, than I don't think you're mature enough to be on the internet. Also the internet is not /for/ children, it is a place where children are /allowed/ to be. It is not an adults responsibility to moderate their online presense just in case a minor ends up seeing something that makes them uncomfortable. Especially on websites that allow +18 content. Obviously an adult should make it clear that they're account is not for minors, and try to avoid interactions with minors, but adults should be allowed to make adult content for other adults without having to think about the hypothetical minor that might come across it.

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Anon:

May you explain me how to avoid a tag that's not here? Here's a silly example: I'm looking for #green, but I don't want to see #orange, so I filter out #orange in the contents and tags I don't want to see. Yet in the browsing results, it's still jammed with #orange, and most of the time untagged. How do I "not look"? Am I expected to block every single blog talking about untagged #orange? When I'm just looking for #green stuff?

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Anon: (replying to this ask)

I'm sorry, but I can't take anyone who calls the person they're arguing with "sweetie" seriously. It makes it sound like you're about to try and sell me essential oils to cure cancer and depression. I don't know why people do this, but it always makes me laugh.

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Anon:

"Your oh so precious "block button" could probably be effective if people TAGGED just like I block tags I don't like. Blocked tags won't work if they don't exist in the first place." Reply: Blocking tags is one thing, but can't you just block users? Sure it happens after the fact and you've already seen whatever it is, but you can't preemptively stop unwanted interactions every time. There's always going to be some kind of content you never knew existed and it will pop up and yell 'boo'. I feel like if you can't handle the risk of seeing stuff that grosses you out or annoys you (and that's fair, more power to you), maybe it's best you just don't go in those tags or subscribe to them? You have a right to be pissed off that people don't tag, etc, but if you constantly dwell on that and don't take measures to stop exposing yourself to that kind of thing (reasonable measures like not looking at or subscribing to certain tags), it's not healthy man.

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Anon:

"People are going to drink drive anyway" is not a reason to remove legal consequences for drink driving, or to stop teaching new drivers why it's important to stay sober, or to ask anyone who gets hit by a drunk driver "What, were you too precious to just drive defensively?" "There will always be people who don't follow basic tagging etiquette" is not a reason to stop educating new fans about what that etiquette is, or to expect anyone not to get annoyed when a significant number of people cannot be bothered to follow very simple tagging courtesies. So many of you in the responses think everyone should be responsible for their own fandom experience? Then why are you coming to a blog that's specifically dedicated to giving people a space to complain about fandom problems that they find annoying, and having a problem with people complaining about fandom problems that they find annoying?

[moon-lv3r]

Hii, can I request asano x fem reader x akabane in poly relationship, but like kinda healthy and normal one (I know their quite a characters but as much as you can). I want to know how would they treat reader, how would that even started and how does it look in public (I mean they're in three, there is no way asano would like to show all the school he's with he's "enemy" and the other girl in poly relationship).

🦋 category: one-shot (note format), polyamory, x fem!reader

🦋 characters: karma, asano

🦋 summary: in which reader somehow gets herself into a relationship with both karma and asano and it somehow plays out. don’t ask how, it just does

🦋 warnings: idk man maybe jealousy?

🦋 notes: i tried my best for this 😭 but thanks for the request anon, this was kinda fun to work on :) wrote this at 3am for a few days straight. this was harder than passing math 😍🤘 I AM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BC I WAS CRAZY BUSY

how did it even begin?

you were in class 3-A, the second best student in school

it only started out between you and karma as a little ploy to try and get asano down from his top spot. you and karma studied hard together

didn’t help with the fact that you often hung around asano, trying to figure out his studying secrets and invited him to study with you

and so you made the mistake of meeting both asano and karma at the same place at the same time and everything snowballed from there

competitors showing each other respect by helping each other? unheard of from karma and asano but they somehow did it

it started out as admiration which developed into feelings

rivals to lovers but polyamory

it somehow just happened. all three of you just getting impressed by each other’s brains

for the first month, dates were never ever in public. either your house or karma’s house, asano was embarrassed (can you blame him?)

asano always asked himself how did he get himself into this situation

however, karma figured that it would be fun to tease him in school. he kept cracking inside jokes between the three of you. “isn’t js nice to be dating the enemy? i wouldn’t know how that feel, right gakushuu?”

asano looked like he was ready to murder karma, what’s romance without murderous intentions?

3-E thought that it was normal rivalry

they could feel the tension between karma and asano, which heightened when all three of you began dating

even irina sensed that something was up and assumed it to be a love triangle

karasuma isn’t bright enough in romance to know what was going on

koro sensei knew though, traveling at mach 20 invading privacy must be nice

“karma is really trying to get under asano’s skin, they might as well be dating at this point” ~ nagisa (AS A JOKE HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING)

3-A girls def got jealous at the fact that suddenly asano pays a bit more attention to you

asano def gets jealous at how karma has your attention most of the time (asano doesn’t even do anything to get it pfft)

there’s def a competition between those two for your attention

they’d do simple things like stroking your hair, helping you with your school work etc

asano gets sulky when he doesn’t have your attention but he would never show it for his own pride (pls give him attention)

karma acts like he isn’t bothered when you show asano more attention sometimes but let’s face it, karma is a huge attention whore, he NEEDS it

in public, you act more like a couple with karma more. not too much hand holding since asano doesn’t like pda, tbh asano would look more like a third wheeler that isn’t willing to be there

he would just look so tired and done the entire time. the most uninterested person EVER

there was one time where karma put asano in a costume when all three of you were out on a date. it was the only time asano would stand close to the both of you since he wouldn’t be recognised. it was also the closest karma has ever came to dying

it would take ages for asano to open up

he hates the thought of being seen together so he always stood a distance away, hence why he’s always so aloof in public

karma and asano treats you differently

karma always teases you, every second

karma can’t live without making fun of you at least once

asano tries to act nonchalant but he secretly wish that he could treat you like a normal partner but there’s just something stopping him (he has issues like come on his dad is… yeah)

there has been dates where it was just you and asano, it’s the only time he’d be willing to show a bit of affection. it would be small, yes but he is trying, let him be

it would be small things like helping you with stuff, occasionally insulting compliments like “why are you actually smart?” “so that pretty face really isn’t for nothing.” he would never compliment you like a normal person

asano would never go out in public with karma alone, they would only be at karma’s house, there’s no way asano would let himself be seen with karma in public

to everyone, it looked like asano was a third wheel whenever you and karma are together when asano is just awkward and has too much pride. he doesn’t stand too far away though, close enough to have a normal conversation without shouting

tbh everyone knows you and karma are dating. they don’t know what’s asano’s deal though

after all of you graduated, asano starts being more open and physically closer to you and karma

he has nothing much to hide anymore, his father started to become more accepting

he still tries his best to not be overly affectionate but he isn’t as aloof as he used to be