#also if my childhood obsession with the peanuts comes back after watching it with my mother tonight

[causeimcrayzeebee]

my current arsenal of fixations is insane cause wdym my brain has different parts that are thinking about gay teenagers trying to navigate being a gay teenager, gay teenagers with a whole world in their phone to help them cope with their issues, gay teenagers singing and dancing while still recovering from war ptsd, and gay teenagers killing each other and watching each other die

[astro-chisme]

Sex with Mars Signs

1. Aries - good toxic sex. Everything is done well but only for their ego. Has minimal interest in cuddling if they aren’t in love with you. Doesn’t have the patience to lead you on, so will not talk to you after sex if they aren’t interested as it’s more fun to find a new one anyway. Flirts by giving you shit, turning everything into a game (and taking it way too personally when they win, but gracefully if they lose), and fucking on the first date

2. Taurus - thinks licking honey or peanut butter off of you sounds fun. Will literally devour you if they’re attracted, but you may feel like you were purchased by them to be enjoyed. You probably won’t mind. Cuddling is an excuse to touch you in other places. IMO most likely to be a misogynist, will be very old fashioned in pursuit and want you to dress either masc or femme to appreciate the full visual

3. Gemini - talkers! Cuddling is whatever. Will just talk straight shit the entire time; prepare to know their dirtiest thoughts while their hands work you or themselves. They’re not toxic, they’re just not into you. Their sin is they’re too busy intellectualizing their emotions that they, too, are also not sure why they’re playing games - or they’re very aware, which you won’t know but their friends will. A consistent memelord if interested in more, expect political commentary and sharing books as flirting

4. Cancer - hope you love head, cuddling, quiet missionary, and talking about your childhoods and watching old reruns in bed afterwards. Will assume you’re dating afterwards or at least will apply for the position. They flirt by folding your laundry while you’re at work and finding art that reminds them of you

5. Virgo - thorough and perfect technique. Does not open up so much as show you their feelings with their technique. Will pick little spoon position in hopes you like them but will stop once secure. Pretty sure you have to gently guide these folks if you want more

6. Leo - showy! Sex is only kinky if you make it theatrical with them. Would totally film a porno with you but would take it so seriously lmao - buy them a ring light to introduce the idea. Cuddling is a chance to show off how much they spoil you. Will put on a romantic performance if they’re into you

7. Libra - afraid of not looking pretty when they finish, has a hard time relaxing into things. Can be convinced to relax. Cuddling is only happening if you pass the ✨v i b e c h e c k✨ Would be super into a reciprocal home spa day as a 3rd date.

8. Scorpio - sex is the only time they’re self-assured and confident. Shy and awkward and socially clumsy in the streets, know how to seduce you also in the streets. Can make you wet with just a look, it’s pretty wild. Loves loves loves cuddling, hates hates hates asking for it. Will like to observe you from afar, won’t admit to this if they’re able. Is *shy* anxious and a little weird af. Their first move is to sting the threat making them feel anxious, but tbh this always backfires on them pretty much immediately. Instinctively seduces, will try to make the first move but it WILL be clumsy and awkward

9. Sagittarius - build a blanket fort in their bedroom and fuck them in it. Get high and go to the bookstore and come back and bang them again in the blanket fort. Get rid of the bed frame and turn your bedroom into a giant secret fort with the mattress having a tent over it. Loves the idea of cuddling but won’t be super into it. Wants to fall asleep talking to you, otherwise please leave lmao

10. Capricorn - loves cuddling. Probably more into gender swapping than comfortable admitting. If they see you as put together, they’ll carry a torch for you forever. Sex is a job, your pleasure is a job, and they want to do all jobs well. Amazing in bed because their pride is on the line if they can’t take care of you. Arrogant and uncompromising but my god the sex. Will be very formal in their pursuit (and cheap until they’re sure it’s mutual and serious, Jesus Christ).

11. Aquarius - exploratory sex. Wants to cuddle if they’re obsessed with you, otherwise indifferent. Will obsess over every sensation until they’ve figured each sensation out, but will never be satisfied and insist on larger data sampling. Will talk about existentialist ideas in the middle of the act but it’s foreplay. If they want more they’re just always around and don’t make you wait, which is better than roses imo. If they find you amusing they ✨🍄a d o r e🍄✨ you

12. Pisces - bottoms. Loves cuddling. Throw them down and rough and gag them and do things with them they never thought they’d allow but here they are begging for it. Romantic to the extent of never seeing you as an individual. Easiest to be toxic because they really don’t see it: Is totally content to make up your whole relationship together in their head and can’t compute their false reality apart from actuality. Really fun in bed though lol

[sunjaesol]

and all i've seen is green eyes and freckles and your smile

juke | childhood friends to lovers | title: everything has changed // taylor swift

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Hey! Can I make pies with you?" A voice chirps.

Luke looks up from his serious work, sweat building on his forehead, and meets the eyes of a girl from his classroom. She's Julie, he thinks, though it could also be Flynn or Thea or Penny. They all sit together.

"It's chocolate," he explains, digging his fingers in the mud. "Do you like chocolate?"

"I love chocolate!" she yells, collapsing in the sandbox beside him and tucking her cloud of curls behind her ears.

Their jeans are stained and their elbows are scratched, but by the end of recess, they've baked about a dozen different cakes and have 'tried' a few as well.

"My mom makes the best cakes," she babbles as the bell rings, the two sauntering to the spot Miss Bloom would be waiting. "Like, real cakes, and I help her."

"That's cool." He stuffs his tiny hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I like cake too. My mom doesn't make it though."

"Then how do you know you like cake?"

"We buy it from the store, duh!" he laughs. "My favourite's confetti cake."

She hums in agreement. "I like peanut butter cherry a lot."

He gawks. "Whoa! That sounds crazy!"

"Do you wanna try a slice sometime?"

They go to stand in line with the other kids of their class, Miss Bloom counting their heads.

"Sure!"

—

The class goes to the zoo the next week, and Luke and Julie stick together as newly formed best friends. She holds his hand when he's scared of the zebras, and he helps her stand a little higher on the gate to get a better look at the llamas.

She, Flynn and Luke make the biggest collage of pictures and drawings the class had ever seen.

She feigns reading his hand and tells him his future is bright, a word that sticks with him and starts using for the rest of year.

She also tells him they'll be best friends forever and it gains her the biggest hug in the world.

Second grade ends and all of her friends go to her house to eat peanut butter cherry pie and listen to music in the garden as they play games.

She links pinkies with Luke at the end of night. "Friends forever?"

He grins, missing a front tooth. "Forever and more!"

—

"Reggie's parents are fighting," Luke quips, both of them upside down on the monkey bars.

Julie looks at him. His face is turning red. She wonders if she looks the same right now. "Fighting? Like, yelling ?"

"I don't know." He tries to shrug but his arms just flop around. "He just says they're fighting. Maybe they'll get a DJ."

Her nose curls up. "A DJ?"

"A DJ... like when moms and dads aren't together anymore."

She giggles. "A divorce, silly!"

Alex and Reggie trudge to their spot on the playground and mount themselves on the monkey bars.

"What are we taking about?" Reggie asks.

Alex pouts. "I don't wanna go upside down. What if I fall?"

"I've fallen and I'm still alive," Luke counters.

Alex shrugs and sits on the bars, but doesn't drop upside down. He can still listen like this.

"About your parents," Julie says, "about fighting."

Reggie makes a face. "I just don't like it. Like, I'm loud, but they're loud!"

Luke makes a noise of excitement, not unlike a strangled animal. He puffs, hoisting himself up. The rest follows and suddenly Alex isn't alone.

"Let's do a sleepover!" he exclaims. "My house!"

Everyone hollers and agrees. Julie raises her hand. "Can Flynn come too?"

"Why?"

"Because Flynn is fun and my best friend too!"

Alex smiles. "I like her too."

Reggie wiggles his brows. "Like like?"

"Ew, no!"

"So?" Julie stresses, looking at Luke.

He shrugs. "Sure. She can come too."

—

They're ten when Luke yells, "Ew, no, I don't like Julie!"

The girl in question who had been making their way to the group of boys, ready to ask Luke, Alex and Reg to play, balks at his exclaim. He doesn't like her? But they're best friends!

Hurt and offended, she stomps the last few meters and yells his name.

"Luke!"

He turns around in surprise. "Jules!"

"What do you mean you don't like me?!"

All the boys start laughing and snickering, muffling their mouths or blatantly pointing at her. She crosses her arms. Boys are so stupid!

"I don't!" he rushes.

"WHAT?!"

"I don't like like you," he clarifies, annoyed by the boys.

She stops for a moment. "Well, duh."

"Ya see," Luke grins, "Julie and I are just tight, okay?"

Bobby shrugs. "Whatever. You're still a sissy for being best friends with a girl!"

Anger floods her senses once more and she makes a consecutive decision right then and there. Pounding forward, she takes a resolute turn to Bobby and then slams her foot on his.

He yelps in agony, grabbing his foot and falling on the ground.

"That's what you get!" she yells.

"Yeah!" Luke and Reggie exclaim.

"Uh, guys—" Alex stutters.

They turn around to an angry mister Trent. Great, she thinks, now she's getting the blame for what Bobby started!

At least Luke doesn't like like her. That would've been a disaster.

(She gets detention, but it's worth it. Bobby stops bothering her.)

—

(But then Luke steals her first kiss that summer when they're by the pool playing truth or dare because Kayla wants to be adventurous. She's been obsessed with the idea of kissing and pushes Luke and Julie to do it.

It's brief, light as a feather and kind of weird, but she doesn't hate it.

His face turns bright as a cherry and she's kind of embarrassed for a day, but then they're cool and just don't talk about it.)

—

Reggie's parents divorce when they're in the sixth grade and they hold many more sleepovers. 

—

"Don't move," Julie orders, carefully putting toothpaste on his pimple, "it's gonna work, I promise."

Luke groans. "You promise? It's HUGE!"

"It really isn't," she lies, because it's probably as big as the Kilimanjaro.

"I wanted to be cool on the first day of middle school and now I have a pimple," he whines, falling back on her bed when she's done.

Capping her toothpaste, she shrugs. "You're cool... just with a pimple. We're still biking together, right?"

"Of course!"

—

She feels the first prick of jealousy when Luke is dubbed 'the cutest boy of seventh grade' and all the girls start swarming him or asking her what he likes.

Well, he likes rock music and poking snails and her mom's pies. Does that help them make Luke their boyfriend? She doesn't think so!

"They're stealing my friend!" Julie grumbles to Flynn as they're both watching Thea make a move, or whatever that means.

"Luke isn't gonna stop being your friend," Flynn reassures. "But boys are dumb. So, I don't know."

Luke feels his first hit of jealousy at the eighth grade spring fling dance when he sees Nick asking Julie to dance during some sappy Ed Sheeran song. He thinks she'll say no, but to his baffled surprise, she says yes! To Nick! Why would anyone want to dance with Nick?! Luke swears the kid eats his own boogers.

"Why is she dancing with Nick and not with me?" he nags, standing beside Alex and Reggie as they're hoarding food.

Reggie grins. "Jealous?"

"Uh, no!"

"Sure."

—

It kind of gets awkward after that.

In the summer between eighth and ninth — aka, the start of freaking high school! — they both undergo major bouts of puberty.

Luke gets a growth spurt and constantly has aching knees, Julie graduates from a training bra to an actual bra because she suddenly has boobs and she's scared it'll change things.

Now, she also looks different from the guys. They'll still like her, right?

Julie swaps her glasses for contact lenses since it's easier and Luke buys his first guitar from mowing lawns all summer long.

Because of that, he lost a lot of his baby fat.

Suddenly, her best friend is kind of… attractive.

—

Luke gets his first girlfriend in freshman year and it isn't Julie and she hates how it comes as a surprise to her that… well… it isn't her. It's Thea, of all people. Guess that one move she made in seventh grade paid off.

According to Luke, they go on dates to the movies sometimes, or hang out at the skatepark, and kiss when no one's looking.

"I've kissed plenty of girls," Reggie boasts, noting his Bible summer camp experience. "Catch up, Luke."

"Me and Thea kiss a ton!" he exclaims, but it doesn't sound convincing. "Like, a lot!"

Alex and Julie share a disgusted look from across the cafeteria table. He came out as gay this year to them and Julie doesn't like girls, so these conversations are useless to them.

"Can we talk about something else?" she whines. "This is boring!"

Luke shrugs. "Pearl Jam brought out a new album."

The one statement diverts the conversation completely, much to her enjoyment, until Thea walks to their table and steals Luke from them.

Julie sees red.

Alex asks her if she likes Luke during a quiet moment.

"No," she mutters. "Not like that."

"Okay."

"You don't believe me?"

"No... not really."

—

They break up after three months and right then, Julie and Nick get together. He's sweet and kind and smart and cute and when he kisses her, he's soft and careful. She likes it. She feels safe around Nick.

He teaches her a bit of lacrosse, she teaches him how to make empanadas.

It's clear Luke doesn't like him though.

"He's so boring, Julie," he says. "I don't know what you see in him."

"What did you see in Thea?" she challenges him.

"She was cute," he shrugs, "and nice. And she's a good kisser."

She smiles, victorious, and crosses her arms. "There you go. Your explanation."

His face sours. "I don't believe he's a good kisser."

"Want to try for yourself?"

He rolls his eyes. "No. Whatever. Have fun on that date of yours," he mutters the last, grabbing his shoes and walking out her bedroom.

She's angry and distracted during the entire date and she hates herself for realising weeks later that Luke was right. Nick is boring.

Sweet, but boring.

She breaks up with him after three months — as long as Luke and Thea were together — and suddenly she understands why Luke behaved the way he did.

Why she behaved the way she did.

They're playing truth or dare in someone's basement at a birthday party, all carefully drinking from a can of cheap beer, when Carrie dares Luke to kiss Julie.

He kisses her… and then they keep kissing.

The group hollers when they don't separate after three seconds and go insane when his hand slips up her cheek and it prolongs to ten.

Their faces are red and awed when they pull back and the others in the circle look like they've won the Olympics.

"Talk?" Luke rasps.

"Yes."

He grabs her hand and pulls her out the circle, everyone ooh-ing and ah-ing, thinking they're gonna do something scandalous. They find themselves in an empty hallway. Luke lets go of her hand and starts nervously scratching at his neck.

"So, uh, that kiss, uh—"

"I liked it," she blurts. It's the biggest risk of her life, but she takes it anyway. "What, uh, did you think?"

"Yeah!" He rushes forward, sudden surge of excitement. "Yeah, I liked— I really liked it. I- I wanna kiss you again."

She smiles. "You do?"

He blushes. "Yeah."

"Okay," she giggles.

And then he's right there, cradling her cheeks while she's holding onto the hem of his t-shirt and it's sweet and warm and way different than when she kissed Nick. It's more.

She really likes him. She really really really likes Luke to an insane degree.

They talk and share little kisses on the couch for the entire night, giddy and dopey. Her heart is bursting! It may be one of the best moments of her young life.

—

"Hey," he grins, kissing her square on the lips as he meets her by her locker. 

It's the start of senior year. Only a few more months until freedom and the beginning and end of milestones, but Luke's a constant. 

To her, he'll be a constant forever. 

"Hey," she smiles, grabbing his hand. "Ready to go?" 

"Ready when you are."

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

@blush-and-books​ @bluefirewrites​ @unsaid-emily​ @willexx​ @pink-flame​ @constantly-singing​ @ourstarscollided​

[massivedrickhead]

Bechloe Week 2021 - Day 6

July 31st: Neighbors AU or Famous AU

Read on AO3

So, yeah, should have posted this yesterday but I didn’t have time to finish writing it and then I got drunk. I’m not super happy with it, it didn’t come out like I planned, but I hope you like it anyway. Hopefully I can get day 7 written and posted tomorrow.

-

Fame for Beca had always been a double edged sword.

It allowed her music to spread across the globe. She got to meet fans and hear about how she had inspired or helped them, just by existing. She got to work with and meet her peers and idols, and perform in places she never dreamed of.

She got to provide for her family. She got to give her kids the childhood she never had, and she got to give her wife the life she deserved.

But she also had to deal with paparazzi following them around everywhere they went.

She had to deal with articles written about her every other day, and intense fans that crossed boundaries, and ones that would trash her online.

Beca was finding that she had more bad days than good days, and it was beginning to weigh her down.

She had to remind herself daily, that there were billions of people who were suffering in the world, and that she was incredibly privileged to live the life she led.

But Chloe could see the toll it was taking on her wife, and it was killing her.

After she was almost in that car accident, Beca had taken a couple of weeks off work. She spent her time taking care of Chloe, playing with Blake, and obsessively re-writing and re-working the songs on her upcoming album.

And it was an insane success.

Everyone who had slated her single ate their words, and Beca found herself skyrocketing to fame for the second time.

Their money worries disappeared almost overnight, but other problems replaced them quickly.

Beca had always been a relatively private and introverted person. It was one of the reasons she had always wanted to be a producer rather than an artist.

So while her fame rose, her anxiety did too.

She tried to keep it to herself, but Chloe has always been able to read Beca like a book.

She always knew when Beca’s anxiety was bad, but she also always knew how to calm Beca down.

So they were dealing with it. They had a system. Beca would work until she couldn’t, and then Chloe would pick her back up.

“People are dying,” Beca would mutter to herself, her eyes squeezed shut, her hands on the back of her head. “Children are dying. They’re going without food, water, and medicine, and they’re dying. My problems are nothing.”

When things were at the worst, she would repeat this to herself over and over as wave after way of anxiety crippled her. Chloe would find her and hold her, and whisper reassurances until Beca calmed down.

It wasn’t an ideal situation, but it was working.

At least Chloe thought it was.

But then Beca reached her breaking point.

It had been a rough week to begin with - she had had to read an article on a prominent gossip site about how she was apparently cheating on Chloe with another musician - so she was already on edge.

Chloe had assured Beca she knew it was all bullshit, but Beca still hated that Chloe had to deal with that stuff. And she hated even more that Blake was old enough to read and understand it.

It was Riley’s third birthday, and she was walking with her girls to get ice cream from the kids’ favourite place.

Riley was up on Beca’s shoulders, Chloe was walking at her side, pushing Riley’s empty stroller, and Blake was walking between them.

“What ice cream are you gonna get, peanut?” Beca asked.

“I don’t want any,” Blake said, frowning, kicking her shoes against the ground.

Beca shot a look of confusion at Chloe. She had been excited when they were in the car, and had seemed perfectly happy a few minutes ago when Beca had taken her hand to cross the street.

“Why not?” Chloe asked.

“I just don’t. I wanna go home,” she said. She stopped walking, so Beca and Chloe did too.

“Hey, what is it?” Chloe asked, crouching down in front of her. She pushed Blake’s dark brown hair out of her face, and lifted her sunglasses so she could see her eyes. “Are you not feeling well?”

“People keep taking pictures of us,” she said in a quiet voice. “And I don’t like it.”

Chloe glanced up at Beca in time to see her face fall.

“None of us like it very much,” Chloe said. “But your Mom is famous. And that means people wanna see pictures of her when she’s out and about.”

“Well I hate it!” Blake snapped. She looked past Chloe and let out a groan of annoyance. “They’re doing it again!”

Chloe turned and saw a man sitting at a table outside a coffee shop pointing his phone at them. He shoved it into his pocket and turned away when he realised he’d been caught.

Beca sighed, and took Riley down from her shoulders. Riley fussed and started crying when Beca put her back in her stroller.

“Sorry baby girl,” Beca said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Beca,” Chloe said in a warning voice.

“I’m just gonna talk to him,” Beca said.

She left Chloe with their daughters and approached the man.

She saw recognition dawn in other peoples’ faces as she got close.

“Hey,” she said, keeping her tone friendly. “Can you do me a favour and delete those pictures you took?”

“I didn’t-”

“Come on, man, even my nine-year-old clocked you. She doesn’t like having her picture taken, and I don’t like photographs of my kids being on some stranger’s phone,” Beca said. “I’ll happily take a selfie with you, if you want, but I’d really like it if you deleted those photos.”

“Yeah, I kinda don’t want a selfie,” he said. “TMZ won’t pay me anything for a selfie.”

Beca clenched her jaw and forced a smile. “Delete those pictures, dude.”

“No,” he said. “It’s a free country.”

Beca could feel the eyes of every other table watching them. She knew they had all fallen silent to eavesdrop.

“Delete the pictures of my fucking kids, do you hear me?” Beca said, trying to keep her voice down.

She was sick of this. Sick of the entitlement that these people had. Like they had a right to her life, and she was sick of the impact it was having on her family.

“Are you gonna make me?”

She saw he was pointing his phone at her again.

She swallowed down the anger that was building. “I’m asking nicely, dude. Delete those pictures.”

“I was taking them of you and Chloe,” he said. “You can hardly see the kids.”

“Is there a problem here?”

She looked at the man who had just arrived and figured he must work for the coffee shop, based on his brown apron with the shop logo, and the name tag that read ‘Dylan’.

“Beca fucking Mitchell here won’t leave me alone,” the guy said.

“This pervert took pictures of my kids!” Beca snapped back.

“What did you just call me?” He stood up from his chair quickly, the raised voice and abrupt noise of the chair scraping attracted more attention.

“How many other pictures of little girls are we gonna find on your phone? Let’s take a look,” she made a move to grab the phone off the table, but he tried to stop her, and caused it to slide off and onto the floor.

Without thinking, Beca drove the heel of her Doc Marten boot into it, hearing a satisfying crunch as the screen broke.

Yes, his pictures were probably already on the Cloud, but she didn’t care right now. He wasn’t going to be able to ruin anyone else’s day today.

“Yes!” One of the patrons of the coffee shop cheered. “Work bitch!”

“That was a $1,500 phone you… talentless whore!” He shoved her, hard, and Beca fell backwards into another table.

With a look of panic in his eyes he ran off, as Chloe rushed towards her with the girls.

“Mommy!” Blake cried, letting go of Chloe’s hand and running over to Beca who was now sitting on the ground, her hand gingerly touching the back of her head. “Mommy, he pushed you!”

She climbed onto her Mom’s lap and wrapped her arms around her.

“I know,” Beca said, hugging her daughter tightly. “But I’m okay.”

A bigger crowd had started to form around them now, and more people had their phones out. Beca could feel the panic building in her chest.

People were touching her, Beca didn’t know if they were trying to help her up or not, but she needed them to stop.

“Can I get through, please?” Beca heard Chloe shout. “Excuse me, I need to check on my wife.”

Dylan managed to clear a space for Chloe to get through with the stroller.

Riley was starting to get upset, and Chloe could see the panic rising in Beca’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” Chloe asked, her voice as quiet as she could make it so Beca would still be able to hear, but that it might not carry to the crowd.

“I can’t be here,” Beca said, her voice shaking. “I don’t want them to see.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. She stood up and quietly asked Dylan if there was somewhere they could sit in private, and he nodded. “Blake, honey, can you help your Mom stand up?”

Blake climbed off Beca’s lap, and held out her small hand for Beca to take. Beca took it, and stood up as Blake pulled.

Dylan led them through the shop and to a small room with a couple of sofas that must have been meant for staff.

“I’ll make sure no one bothers you,” he said.

“Thank you,” Chloe said. “We really appreciate this.”

He left the room and closed the door behind him.

Beca dropped onto one of the sofas and let her head fall into her shaking hands.

She forced herself to take deep breaths as Chloe sat beside her, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her back.

“Mommy?” Riley asked.

“Yeah?” Chloe replied.

“Can we get ice cream yet?”

Beca burst into tears without warning, which created the domino effect of Riley crying and then Blake crying.

“Okay,” Chloe said, surveying her tearful family. “Who needs a hug the most?”

“Mom does,” Blake said, sniffing and wiping her eyes.

“Can you give it to her while I take care of Riley?”

“Uh huh,” Blake said. She climbed onto Beca’s lap again, and Beca pulled her daughter into her arms. “It’s okay, Mom, the bad man is gone.”

“I know,” Beca said, trying to stop crying. “I’m just sad that he ruined Riley’s birthday.”

“We can still get ice cream,” Blake said. “I won’t be angry about people taking our picture anymore.”

“No, baby, you should be angry about that,” Beca said. “They don’t have your permission, so they shouldn’t be doing it.”

Her eyes met Chloe’s who was soothing a still sobbing Riley. Something was going to have to change.

They left the coffee shop once everyone had calmed down, and Beca gave them a big tip for the trouble they’d gone through.

They made it back to the car without any more trouble, and Beca ordered some ice cream on DoorDash to get delivered.

They hung out in their garden for the rest of the day, playing in the pool, and eating junk food.

Chloe kept noticing the smile that would slip from Beca’s face whenever she thought no one was looking.

Once the kids were bathed and put to bed, Chloe poured them both a generous glass of wine, and joined Beca on their comfy sofa in the living room.

“I don’t want you confronting people like that again, Bec,” Chloe said, trying to massage the tension out of Beca’s shoulders.

“I know,” Beca said, closing her eyes.

“I mean it,” Chloe said. “He could have hurt you.”

“I know,” Beca said again. “I promise, I won’t do that again.”

“Good,” Chloe said. She placed a kiss on the back of Beca’s head.

They were quiet for a while as Chloe continued slowly massaging Beca’s shoulders.

“Come on,” she said, planting a brief kiss on her neck. “Let's go to bed.”

They climbed the stairs, briefly checked on the kids, and then changed for bed.

“What are you thinking?” Chloe asked, watching Beca as stared up at the ceiling. She could see tears building in her eyes again, and she brushed one away with a sweep of her thumb.

“I don’t wanna do it anymore, Chloe,” Beca said, her voice breaking. “We can’t take our kids for ice cream. Blake is getting too anxious to leave the house, and Riley is gonna start picking up on that soon. You can’t even work anymore. I don’t… I don’t wanna be famous anymore, I don’t want to live in this stupid town, I don’t want any of it.”

“I know,” Chloe said, softly.

“I’m serious.” Her voice was wobbling dangerously now. “I can’t… It’s crushing me.” She brought up a hand to cover her face as she started crying. “I can’t do it anymore.”

“Hey, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, we can figure this out,” Chloe said, gathering Beca into her arms. “We’ll be okay.”

“It’s gonna kill me.”

“I know, baby, I know. But I won’t let it,” Chloe said. “Tomorrow we’re gonna call Theo, and we’re gonna figure it out.”

“Thank you,” Beca said, feeling calm relief begin to wash over her. Things were going to change. Things were going to get better. “I love you.”

“I love you too. No matter what your job is or where we live. I’m always gonna love you.”

[rachaelswrites]

Nicknames

A/N: I didn’t include all actors/characters but if you want one just send it in and I’ll do it. I’ll start including these in my writing

~~~~~~

Here are some nicknames that each of the reader’s have been given

Sebastian Stan “prinţesă”

-Obviously, its Romanian

-There were a few he tried out with you when you were younger but this one stuck for multiple reasons:

-You were a major daddy’s girl (still are) and you pretty much got anything you wanted. You were almost on the verge of spoiled brat

-It also didn’t help that you had a very huge liking for Disney and it’s princesses

-Those dresses with the matching shoes? You had almost all of them

-He called you that until you grew out of your princess obsession, saving it for certain times

-The first time you ended a long term friendship was the first time he used it in years. He’d either call you by your name or something more generic like “Sweetheart”

-You came home visibly upset and ran right into your dad’s arms

-You’d never been this upset before so he said it, hoping in some way it would calm you down

“It’s alright Prinţesă, I’ve got you”

-When it worked that time, he did it again after your first break up.

-You were more angry than sad this time

-He had to hold you down on the couch so you couldn’t hurt anyone

“Prinţesă, calm down. He’s not worth a criminal record

-He used it on days when you were sick or were feeling down

-Maybe even if you were in trouble

-You and him both thought by the age of sixteen, you would hate the nickname but surprisingly, you liked it even more

Chris Evans “peanut”

-Another case of daddy’s girl

-This one comes from several trips to Red Sox’s games

-Chris wanted to get you into sports when you were young (just to watch, not necessarily to play)

-He took you and Scott to one of the first games of the season and he bought peanuts, in his true American way

-You were seated in between him and Scott

-Both of them were sharing the bag while you had ice cream

-Peanuts were a new food for you and you wanted to try them. You grabbed a handful of them and copied your dad’s movements to crack open the shells

-You ate like twenty in less than a minute

-You loved them so much and that’s how that name happened

-Unlike the others, Chris uses this name pretty regularly 

-You didn’t mind how often he used it until he started using it on front of your friends

“Hey peanut, do you guys need anything?”

“Dad! That’s embarrassing”

-Your face went bright red and for the rest of the day, your friends teased you (in a loving, joking way)

-Chris realized his small mistake and was a little more careful about when he used it

-Scott called you it once and you swear, you never saw your dad move so quickly

“She’s my peanut, not yours. Find your own nickname”

-Anytime he posts a picture of you on Twitter/Instagram, he used that name instead of your own

Matthew Gray Gubler “munchkin”

-Three words

-Wizard. Of. Oz.

-You had a very weird obsession with this movie. It’s almost embarrassing looking back at it now

-By the time you were three, you knew all the words (as best as you could) to all the songs

-Matthew was about to lose his mind because he had the songs in his head as well, twenty-four-seven.

-You would talk and talk about how much you wanted to go to Munchkin land and be a Munchkin

-It also didn’t help that at the time, you were probably close to the same height

-Sadly, as you got older, you and your dad learned you didn’t develop his height

-You were a whopping 5’2 at the age of fifteen

-And the name stuck

-He knew you weren’t super fond of the name but somehow, it always cheered you up

-If you had a tough day at school, he’d sit on the couch and let you vent

“Let it all out Munchkin”

-You secretly did like the name (even though the origins were embarrassing)

-Matthew never let you live down that obsession 

-When you were on set and he called you that, everyone asked why.

“Matthew, why do you call her Munchkin?”

“Dad, don’t do it”

“She was obsessed with The Wizard of Oz”

-He also very rarely referred to you as “Y/n” on social media, opting for Munchkin instead

-Trying to get back at him, you tried to come up with some ridiculous name for him

“I’m going to call you dancer. Cause that’s how you broke your knee”

-That one didn’t last long but Munchkin sure did

Tom Holland “bubs or darling”

-Tom gets two because I can’t pick

-Bubs is because you are the baby out of all of the brothers

-It was also because before you could say any brother’s name, you just called them bubs

-Sam, Harry, and Paddy also called you Bubs. They still call you that sometimes so Tom wanted to try something new

-When you were about five or six, he accidentally called you darling

-It wasn’t a typical brother/sister name but it suited you

-You were such a kind person and your favorite movie to watch with Tom was Peter Pan

-And the last name of Wendy was Darling, so he thought it fitted

-When he called you darling, it was mostly after he came home from filming

“I missed you so much Darling”

-You liked the meaning behind your nickname

-Tom used Bubs if you weren’t feeling like yourself

-Whether it was a bad day or if you were sick

“Take some medicine Bubs” or “Bubs, tell me what’s going on”

-He hated the others calling him Tommy but for you, he’d let you do it anytime you wanted

-Literally, you were the only person he let you call him Tommy

-But he was the only person who could call you Darling

Bucky Barnes “doll”

-Classic

-This one is pretty self explanatory

-It was common during your childhood but once you were in the 21st century, Bucky couldn’t part with it

-It reminded him of the past (in a good way) and he always wanted to relive those memories 

-You were eight when HYDRA took him and then you

-The name reminded him of when you were little, and it reminded you too

-While Bucky was in Wakanda, he’d send you letters once he woke up

“Hey Doll, I miss you so much. Hopefully we can see each other soon”

-You kept them all with you

-And when The Snap happened, you’d read those letters back to yourself everyday

“The sunset was really pretty today Doll, it reminded me of the ones from when you were little”

-After those five years, that was the first thing he said to you

“I’m glad you’re safe Doll”

-It only took one time for Sam to tease you about it before you threatened to hurt him

“You make fun of it one more time and I swear it’ll be the last”

-Sam didn’t really understand why that name meant so much to you

-Bucky had to explain it to him

-It was really one of the only things you had left of your childhood

-And it was the one thing you could hold onto for the rest of your life

Ransom Drysdale “princess”

-Again, I think this one is self explanatory and obvious

-You’re spoiled, no doubt about it

-The name actually came from Meg

-She was a few years older than you and she was so used to being the only girl in the family

-And now she had to deal with you

-The reason she called you that was pretty stupid in the first place but as an eight year old, it didn’t matter to her

-You had spilled your drink on her by accident and onto her new shoes

-She went red in the face and started screaming in your face. You burst into tears

-You were only four and Ransom had never raised his voice at you. It was a new experience for you

-All the adults came into the room and walked into the scene of Meg screaming and you crying

-Ransom scooped you up and told Meg off

-Of course Joni took her daughter’s side but no one else did, making her mad

“She never gets in trouble. She’s such a princess”

-After that incident, your dad only used that name just to piss everyone off

-Like there was no need for him to but he just did it

“Princess, come here”

-In general, Ransom liked to show you off and the nickname Princess was the best way to do that

-As you got older, he felt weird using it. Meg had finally gotten over herself and everyone accepted the fact that your dad was spoiling you rotten

-You didn’t need a name to show that

-But as you got older, the issues in the family and all the problems started to weigh down on you

-There was so much drama that happened at family dinners, you were completely drained and exhausted once you got home

-Ransom could tell something was up so he reached into his bag of good parenting skills (which he definitely had, which shocked everyone) and called you Princess for the first time in ten years

“Princess, please tell me what’s wrong”

-For some reason, that one name made everything better for you

-Ransom noticed the small improvement in your mood so he kept calling you that on the daily

“How was school today Princess?” 

-And in front of the family again

“Princess, it’s time to go”

-This name was literally just used to show the other Thrombey’s that you and your dad were better than them

-Of course though, you didn’t need a nickname to see that

Spencer Reid “squirt”

-Another name based on an obsession

-But this one can be blamed on Garcia

-While Spencer was on a case one time, she was in charge of watching you

-To keep you entertained while at the BAU, she put on Finding Nemo

-That was a mistake

-From that point on, you had a weird fascination with sea turtles, because of Squirt

-Once Spencer got back, you would not shut up about turtles

“Daddy, look what I just read”

-He was glad you found something you were interested in. He sort of hoped you would find something closer to a more “normal” topic but he would never stop you from learning

-Spencer wasn’t sure how the name fell onto you but once it did, he didn’t stop using it

-He generally used it in the apartment with just you and him

“Squirt, can you pick your toys up for me?” or as you were older “Squirt, can you grab those books for me?”

-He used it a lot when you felt stressed and you weren’t telling him

-So whenever he called you that, you knew you might as well tell him

“Tell me what’s going on Squirt”

-It was such a small gesture but it really did help you

-He tried to explain why it probably made you feel better but you weren’t too interested in the science behind it

-The only time he used it in front of the team is when he got back from a case

-You always met him at the BAU (he made sure you were there to greet him)

-You would stand in front of the elevator and wait for the doors to open

-And when they did, you ran into his arms and he wrapped them around your body

“I missed you Squirt”

-The team absolutely adored that nickname but knew to never call you that, unless they wanted an angry Reid on their hands

Emily Prentiss “love”

-To me, Emily just has European vibes and so does this nickname

-Probably because Emily grew up in Europe, she developed this habit of calling you Love

-The parents of her friends growing up used that name

-She sort of just picked up on it, starting when she first held you in the hospital

“Hi Love, I’m your momma”

-It’s such a simple but meaningful name to her

-You were truly the one person she loved the most (even her mom and even Sergio)

-Speaking of, once she brought Sergio home you started calling him that as well

-You were only four and didn’t understand the concept but Emily didn’t stop you

“Hi Wove”

-Emily never used this in front of people unless something was wrong

-As you got older, it was used more as a reassurance for you

-Her “death” was really hard on you and every case, she would check in 

-Lots of the time, the phone calls were short and around the other members of the team

“Hi Love, I miss you. The team says hi”

“I miss you too momma”

-Very rarely would she use it in normal, everyday conversation

-If you were visiting the office, sometimes it would slip out

“Hey Love, are you doing your homework?”

-In front of the team, she used names like “baby” or “honey”

-Love was strictly reserved for just you and her

Jennifer Jareau “bug”

-First thing to know

-If anyone besides JJ called you Bug, even Will, she would literally rip their heads off

-This name was super personal to her and she didn’t want the meaning to be ruined

-You had taken after her love and fascination with butterflies

-Except you hadn’t learned the word butterfly so you just called them bugs, hence the nickname

-JJ only called you two things “Y/n” and “Bug”

-Nothing else

-At one point, Will was convinced that she might’ve forgotten your first name because she called you Bug so much

“JJ, she has a first name you know”

“I know, I think Bug fits her better”

-She did attempt to get your name changed, but to be fair, she was drunk when that happened

-She didn’t care that as you got older, the name was a little embarrassing, especially around your friends

“I’ll pick you up at seven Bug”

“Mom! Really? In front of my friends?”

-Your brothers for awhile thought your name was Bug, because she really only called you that at home

“Do you need help with your homework Bug?” or “Bug, can you set the table?”

-You didn’t realize the meaning behind the nickname until she explained it to you

-And once you did, the name meant so much more to you

-Will helped you pick out a matching necklace set of two butterflies

-You gave it to her after a case and she cried, knowing exactly what it’s meaning was

“Thank you Bug, I love it”

-She never took that necklace off, ever

Taglist

@ssebstann @peachyprincessss @emmy-writes-sometimes @dudele @kerrswriting @laura-naruto-fan1998 @multifamdomfan12 @aquariuslavenderhoney @rafehogwarts

[elisaphoenix13]

Delusional (Ch.1)

Okay, so this is something that won't be for everyone. It's a trope that me and my friends got into while RPing so this was born. I think this will be one of those fics that I'll only continue if there's enough interest. Let me know what you think!

Tony had been pissed when his parents told him that his mother was pregnant. He had no idea what possessed them to think having another kid was a good idea when they could barely pay attention to the one they already had, and he even said that. It ended up turning into an argument between him and Howard and Tony gave them both the cold shoulder for the entirety of Maria's pregnancy. Whether it was because of her age or possibly because of Tony's ongoing silent treatment stressing her out, his mother went into labor a month early. Tony couldn't even bring himself to visit his parents or the new baby at the hospital, but they eventually came home with his new baby brother that he almost considered ignoring completely.

But then he realized that would make him exactly like Howard.

So when his parents went gallivanting off to some party one day, leaving their preemie baby in the hands of the maid, Tony finally decided to properly meet his brother. A seventeen year age difference wasn't unheard of, but it still felt weird to walk into the nursery with the knowledge that the baby inside was a sibling. He decided he would make sure the baby was still alive and then go back to his bedroom to study for his physics final, but when he approached the crib the baby was sleeping in...he softened.

His baby brother slept peacefully on his back with his arms stretched out on both sides of his head and every so often snuffled in his sleep. He wasn't covered with a blanket and he vaguely recalled hearing that he shouldn't be at his age, but he was at least dressed warmly in tiny blue footie pajamas. He had wisps of dark hair that looked like they would be soft to the touch and Tony was tempted to reach out and see but he refrained. He didn't want to disturb the baby.

Tony had been so focused on ignoring Howard that he had to wrack his brain for his brother's name, which he knew his mother had told him. He was pretty sure he had been studying at the time and was only half listening, but it eventually came to him.

Scott.

Scott Harris Stark.

It was barely seconds later that the baby started to fuss and Tony looked around a little lost before finally giving in and leaning down to scoop him up. Tony was a goner after that. Scott's hair was just as soft as it looked and Tony was worried he could break his brother if he so much as sneezed. It didn't stop him from taking over most of the responsibilities of caring for Scott from that moment on though. Tony did his research, watched his mother, and even asked the maid for advice, but soon he was changing diapers. He fed Scott, stayed up for hours on end when he was colicky or sick, dressed him, played with him…

Tony was determined to make sure Scott had the love and attention he was deprived of. At least Maria tried with both of them.

But when Scott was just under a year old, tragedy struck. Both their parents died in a car accident on the way to a party, leaving Tony alone with his infant brother. Fortunately he was freshly eighteen so he could have legal guardianship over Scott and Tony had Rhodey and Obadiah for support and help with the company he now had control over. Scott always came first though. Tony made sure he had a decent childhood despite the fact that he easily got sick, and the adorable smiles he got in return were well worth it as Scott grew up.

So was the boy's first word. Dad. Tony never corrected him since he did raise Scott, and his brother never knew their parents. So as far as Scott knew, Tony was his father and Tony made sure to hide away the truth. As far as he was concerned, the lie wasn't hurting Scott and it was partly true in a sense.

He didn't expect it to be easy and it wasn't. Because Scott was born premature, he had special needs in the form of allergies (both food and environmental), asthma, and he even got sick constantly. Most days found Scott in Tony's room because the boy whined whenever Tony tried to put him in his own room, and he was terrified Scott would stop breathing in the middle of the night. Scott slept in Tony's bed until well into his grade school years when he finally started to grow out of his need to be near his father. Tony was still nervous and checked on Scott before he went to bed and at least once in the middle of the night when he woke up.

When Tony first found out Scott was allergic to peanuts, he was a wreck. He threatened the doctors to help his kid when he heard Scott wheezing for breath, and when the boy was finally recovering, he demanded they do whatever they had to do to check for any allergies he might have had. Tony didn't think he could handle seeing Scott as sick as he was again. The wheezing, the hives, the overall misery his little boy had been in…

It turned out Scott was severely allergic to all types of nuts. Peanuts, cashews, almonds, walnuts...if it was a nut, Scott couldn't have it. That was easy enough to plan meals around but then there was also shellfish, sesame, parsley, and pineapple. Whenever they went out to eat, Tony scrutinized every ingredient on the menu if it was available, and if it wasn't, he demanded to talk to the chefs. Fortunately once he learned what food Scott could have, it became second nature.

Tony always made sure to carry an inhaler and epipen with him, had extras held for Scott at school, and more in the boy's backpack. He taught Scott as early as possible what he couldn't eat because it would make him very sick and for the most part, things went well enough. There was only one incident at school when Scott unknowingly ate something he wasn't supposed to, but he was quickly treated with one of his pens and sent to the hospital. Scott was quick to bounce back from that since the school staff had been prepared, so the only constant issue was his asthma.

Scott never let it slow him down and Tony swore he was going to either go gray at 25 or suffer heart failure. The little boy was constantly climbing everything, and Tony once had to pull him off the bookcase that he managed to climb up to the fifth shelf. The fifth shelf. Rhodey had his fair share of retrieving Scott from high places whenever he visited too.

Before Tony knew it, Scott had grown into a young man with a talent for hacking and engineering and had a penchant for tacos, oranges, and lollipops. He helped Tony with a lot of his projects but absolutely refused to help with anything related to weapons. Scott never liked violence and always hated that Stark Industries was solely based on weapons making. Tony never faulted him for it.

"Scott, have you seen my--?" Tony stops mid sentence when he looks over at the young man and finds him at his computers with his feet kicked up on a small part of the desk, dozing with a lollipop in his mouth. "Oh, that's safe."

He walks over and takes the lollipop out of Scott's mouth and he jolts awake. "Hey! I was eating that!" Scott complains.

"Yeah, you were very proactive about it. I didn't raise you for 21 years so you could choke and die because you fell asleep with candy in your mouth." Tony rolls his eyes and sticks the candy back in Scott's mouth before he could protest. "Now have you seen that little screwdriver you like to steal?"

"You had it last, and I've been busy updating Jarvis's code." Scott answers.

"I saw that. I guess you're so good you can do it in your sleep."

"It was uploading!" Scott drops his feet to the ground with an annoyed huff. "And I told you I wouldn't help you with your stupid weapons. That includes finding misplaced tools."

"Fine, fine."

Tony tries fixing the cow lick in Scott's hair and rolls his eyes when it only floofs back into place. He learned very early on that his kid's hair was untameable but that didn't stop Tony from trying. Hair gel, pomade, hair spray...none of it could contain and style Scott's hair. The cow lick worked for him though so Tony wasn't too obsessed with trying to find something to keep it in place.

"Well while you wait for your new code to upload, why don't you make me a sandwich?" Tony says. "I gotta get the Jericho prototype finished tonight."

Scott frowns. "Why do they want you to fly all the way out to Afghanistan? What's wrong with how you usually sell this stuff?"

"It's just for a couple of days volpino. Now where's my tuna sandwich?" Tony asks.

"Probably in the fridge. It's deconstructed." Scott says as he leaves the lab.

"Oh, haha. Funny. I like mine constructed so get on it. Chop chop."

Tony smirks when he hears Scott mumble something under his breath along the lines "slave driver", but with no heat. Things had gotten easier as Scott got older but he never really grew out of his physical problems. He still had his food and environmental allergies, his asthma, and even his tendency to get sick, but that had mostly been remedied when Tony moved them to Malibu. The warm weather helped with that and Scott didn't get sick nearly as often as he did in New York, and that had been a huge relief for the both of them. Tony only wished he had thought of it sooner.

When Scott comes back with the sandwich and sets it nearby for Tony, the man looks up at him and rolls his eyes when he finds the younger man drinking out of a juice box. "You know you can have beer now right?"

"Juice is better." Scott says. "When are you leaving tomorrow?"

"You'll probably still be asleep. Even if I leave late." Tony grabs the sandwich and takes a bite. "So try not to blow up the lab while I'm gone." He adds around his mouthful.

"That's no fun." Scott says sarcastically. "Pepper called by the way. She said she has some paperwork for you to look at before you leave."

Tony groans. "Tell her I'm not home."

"It'll be true in a few hours anyway."

"Don't underestimate Pepper. She'll be waiting on the tarmac for me to look at those papers if she has to." Tony grumbles and then looks up at Scott with a suspicious smile that makes his son narrow his eyes at him. "You're 21. Maybe it's time to start giving you some responsibility with the company."

"I do. It's called making sure my dad doesn't blow himself up because he writes codes when he's half asleep. How are we still alive?"

"Rhodey and Happy." Tony replies dryly before whapping Scott upside the head. "Don't sass me."

Scott rubs the back of his head as he walks back over to his personal workstation to check on the progress of the code. When he had shown an interest in engineering and computers, Tony had immediately set up Scott's own work area with age appropriate equipment that he either replaced or updated as Scott got older. He was good at it too. Tony couldn't count the number of times he got calls from the FBI asking him to get Scott to stop leaving them viruses with laughing cat videos or something. They were always harmless and easily fixed, so Tony's response was to tell them to update their security so Scott couldn't get in.

Apparently they had yet to find a way to keep Scott out and Tony wasn't about to take away one of his son's very few joys in life. As long as it all stayed harmless, Tony would look the other way. He knew Scott was very capable of hacking into pretty much anything, and he was glad his kid was a pacifist. Because Scott was definitely very capable of getting his hands on nuke codes.

Tony actually wouldn't be surprised if Scott had already gone in and changed them.

Some whirring pulls Tony out of his thoughts and he looks over at the kitchenette to find DUM-E making smoothies again. A quick glance told him that there was at least peanut butter and almond milk in it so it wasn't safe for baby boy consumption.

"Hey! Are you trying to kill your little brother with that?" Tony asks and DUM-E beeps sadly when the blender goes off. "You know he can't have nuts!"

"There goes my social life." Scott says and Tony makes a face.

"I don't want to hear about that."

"Says the man whose one night stands I had to chase away."

Tony laughs. "To be fair, it was funny to see them get creeped out when you just stood in the kitchen and stared at them while drinking your juice box."

"...yeah. That was pretty fun." Scott admits.

"Sir, Miss Potts is on her way down." JARVIS says and Tony groans.

"Ugh the dreaded secretary with her paperwork."

There's a few beeps before the lab door hisses open and then the sound of heels clicking across the linoleum.

"Tony-"

"I know," he sighs. "Paperwork. Give it to Scott."

Pepper places the small stack next to his arm. "He's too busy making sure you don't blow yourself up."

"You know I had to teach him how to do that right?"

"And now he's better than you." Pepper says and Scott cackles.

"Ouch. My pride." Tony clutches at his chest in mock hurt.

"Please just look at this and sign. It won't even take you ten minutes." Pepper sighs.

"I trust you."

"Nice try."

[mindynichole]

Okay...so it’s time to tackle Episode 10x18 and why it didn’t bother me that much.

Despite getting to watch TWD Season 10B early thanks to a forgotten AMC Premiere account, I waited an entire 24 hours before I watched 10x18 out of fear of the inevitable. 

And by now I’m sure you know exactly what I’m referring too.

However, after I did finally break down and watch it Friday evening, I was surprised that it didn’t bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. 

Some might say that’s just because of the tinfoil hat now firmly placed tightly around my head after the previous episode convinced me even more Beth Greene might just show up out of the blue one day soon to a TWD universe production near you. Okay, I’ll give you that! 

However, there are very logical reasons why I don’t feel the least bit threatened by this new woodland harlot, Leah, (I’m just joking, geesh) and I’m going to tell you what they are!

Before I begin, I want to make clear that while I’m not thrilled about the idea of Daryl being in a romantic relationship with anyone but Beth, I didn’t really even hate Leah but saw her instead as what I believe she was meant to be. On her own in another situation she probably would be a great character. However, when I have mentioned in the past that I liked this episode, I was mainly referring to the parts with Car*l. Not because I am petty and enjoyed the fight, but because I think these are conversations that Daryl and her need to be having. 

Nevertheless, here’s my take of 10X18. Consider yourself spoiler warned if you haven’t seen it yet.

Daryl was probably at the loneliest part of his life when Leah enters the picture.

Let’s take the time and set this scene a moment... 

At the point in the story when Leah first appears, Daryl has been wandering the woods for three freaking years looking for any sign of Rick’s body. 

While Daryl is away, everything he knows has changed and life has just continued to carry on without him for everyone else he loves. Rick and Carl are both long gone. Carol is busy being a wife and mother. Michonne has pretty much shut off Alexandria from everybody including Team family. Maggie left for parts unknown with Georgie and has taken little Hershel with her. 

Literally every single thing that Rick and Team Family ever tried to build during this apocalypse is shattered and everything the man has ever loved is gone. 

We also can’t forget that the person Daryl would have naturally clung to during this sad time happened to “die” before he ever stepped foot into Virgina. Therefore, Daryl is left with absolutely no one. It’s a damn miracle that he didn’t off himself and might have - had he not been so obsessed in finding Rick’s body.

Leah is Daryl’s exact mirror in female form. 

So he meets Leah after accidentally breaking into her cabin and almost immediately we can see she is literally like him looking into a mirror. Now, I’ve already read many people trying to compare her to Car*l and even Beth and while I do get what they are saying, I also disagree. This lady is no other than the female version of Daryl Dixon. He has surely found his exact match in her.

Here’s how we figure that out:

Leah is tough as nails but obviously has a heart because she doesn’t immediately kill Daryl for busting into her cabin and ultimately lets him go.

You come to find out she had abusive parents and a very shitty childhood just like Daryl.

You find out her life sucked until she found her group - who had given her not only hope but finally a real family.

Like Daryl, her life also greatly improved during the apocalypse.

It takes Leah a very long time to trust Daryl enough to even tell him her name.

You find out she had a son who was born very much like Judith was. Her “sister” died giving birth to him, causing her to raise him as her own.

Something horrible happens to the group (horde of walkers) and everyone else gets killed. She takes her son and runs to the cabin only to realize that he had been bitten and ultimately dies. 

It highly implied Leah blames herself for what happened to her family.

Like Daryl, at this point in the story Leah has lost everything she has ever loved, has sought refuge in the woods, and is completely alone.

Yet, in no way, shape, or form was Leah ever supposed to be a replacement for Beth. Instead, I believe she actually demonstrates why Bethyl worked so well.

While I’m okay with the character of Leah, she’s no Beth. Not even close. As I stated before, she is just like Daryl and that’s really the problem.

Because we need to understand the thing that made Bethyl work so well was their fundamentally different personalities fitting together like peanut butter and jelly - both perfectly fine on their own but together making the perfect combination. 

And TPTB spent a lot of time and effort back in the day showing us how much this was so.

While sometimes opposite people clash, we were shown that their different natures surprisingly completed each other very well. In other words, they were each other’s yin and yang. This was most obvious with Daryl helping Beth realize her own strength and Beth showing Daryl how to move forward. However, I could create an entire meta...and there are many that already exist out there...listing countless examples of how we saw them bringing the best out in each other. The combination of this along with their utmost (even sometimes brutal) honesty, shared history, and absolute trust in each other, created a foundation for a very healthy relationship.

In contrast, two people with nearly identical personalities and the same exact kind of unhealed trauma like Leah and Daryl, are usually not good life partners because they can hinder and get in the way of each other’s forward progress. 

While you can understand why these kinds of people gravitate together and form bonds over shared experience, resulting romantic relationships can often be rocky. Many times the shared trauma can result in both partners having the exact same kinds of problems with trust, communication, and reckless expression of feelings. There is nobody in the relationship to model different kinds of behaviors and ideas since both tend to have the same life experiences to draw upon. Instead, each serves to the other as a living testament to and as confirmation of why their negative thoughts and behaviors are correct. 

In other words, there is nobody there to throw the life preserver when both people are drowning. Nobody to even suggest to either partner a different way of doing things. 

Also, when the relationship’s foundation is based solely on shared trauma, the trauma itself can become the only thing holding the two partners together. 

This is why I never thought Daryl and Car*l would ever make good romantic partners. However, at least they have different types of personalities and kinds of trauma. Car*l is just...well Car*l - a force all on her own - and there’s nothing to suggest she ever experienced abuse in childhood. However, Leah being an exact carbon copy of Daryl gave that relationship even less of a chance.

And what I have just described seems to be exactly what we really do see happen between Daryl and Leah in Episode 10x18. I could list various examples but for time’s sake, I’m choosing not to because I am sure you can see it too - at least now that I’ve brought it up.

Just know I also believe this is why NR seemed to imply the relationship was not good in earlier preview shows.

Daryl flat out told Leah he didn’t know if he could choose her. 

As many others have already pointed out throughout the weekend, I believe the biggest difference between Daryl’s reaction to Leah and his reaction to Beth is the simple fact he really didn’t seem to  want to stay in that cabin with Leah forever. He doesn’t even seem all that upset about it either until he starts talking with Car*l later.

This drastically contrasts with the “Oh” scene with Beth. Hell, Daryl didn’t even care if the looney person who had been tending the funeral home and dressing up corpses came back! He wanted nothing more than to stay there and live happily ever after with her. There was no hesitation. 

I would go as far as to say Beth is the only person able to completely divert Daryl's attention away from the rest of his family - much like she did when he spotted the Grady car and began his pursuit. However, Beth would never even ask such a thing - because not only is it her family too - but also because Beth was much too unselfish to let Daryl make those kinds of choices.

So you might ask yourself why he changed his mind in the end and made him decide to go back to Leah?

I believe he makes this choice because of the conversation with Car*l. She basically tells him that everyone else has found their place and it is time for him to find his place too. It begins to slowly eat at Daryl how they have all moved on without him. It’s important to remember that by this time in the story, he’s pretty much done scouring the river for Rick. He’s already checked out that “one last place” he hadn’t been. So now he’s beginning to ponder Car*l’s words and wondering where his place is now? Where does he go from here? It’s logical to think maybe he’s supposed to be in those woods with Leah after all.

Daryl and Leah’s relationship doesn't seem to leave much of a lasting impression or effect on Daryl.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe Daryl most definitely cared about Leah. Yet, we can’t forget how we first found Daryl all those years later after the time jump in Episode 9X6.

If you remember right, Daryl still wasn’t doing all that great. His relationship with Leah apparently does absolutely nothing to change his outlook on anything. 

In comparison, we all know what just a few short weeks - perhaps a couple of months - in the woods with Beth Greene does to Daryl Dixon. It changes his character profoundly! 

Daryl might have went back to Leah at the time...BUT he made it crystal clear to C*rol that he knows where he belongs NOW. That’s what the entire fight between them was really about.

There is a line that Daryl spits out during his fight with Car*l that sums up exactly why he wasn’t able to give up everything and stay with Leah. He tells Car*l that he knows where his place is…and he’s referring to being with his family at Alexandria. He’s angry that she doesn’t seem to understand that it’s where her place is as well.

AK later points this line out on TTD as important too. In fact, she literally states that his relationship with Leah is purely in the past and they will not go there again. It is rare for a showrunner to flat out proclaim something like this. It means she felt it was important for the audience to understand that this was done.She also points out that the fight is really about how sick Daryl is of Carol running away every time things get extremely difficult.

I would go a step further and say that Daryl is probably projecting what he now realizes was going on with himself when he was wandering the woods and choosing to stay there with Leah all those years ago. He’s upset with himself for having done so and he’s upset with Car*l that she has yet to have come to the same conclusion.

Ps: Be on the lookout for another post - a part two of sorts - later this week detailing all the things I’m still tinkering in my mind about this episode! ;)

Until then, keep calm and Bethyl on! She’s coming soon...

[noirshadow]

New Beginnings - Ch. 1

I couldn't get this idea out my head and just had to write it. Let me know what you think!

Summary: It was supposed to be a fresh start for Mal and Alina. A chance to try to mend their relationship and new beginnings in a new town. And then she meets him.

A Darklina Neighbors Alternate AU. 🌘

AO3 link

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new house was supposed to make things better. Alina looked out the window as she washed the dishes, giving a big sigh. It was nice that the new house was bigger, but it almost felt like it had forced the distance between her and Mal even wider. There were more places to hide, easier opportunities to avoid each other.

This was only their second year of marriage but it was doomed from the start. Yes, they were childhood friends but when Mal had finally asked Alina out in their third year of college, the old Mal she knew was already barely there. There were still glimpses of his old self, but they were few and far between. She cherished those in her mind, clinging onto those moments so that she couldn’t forget. With those memories on a pedestal in her mind, Alina had deluded and convinced herself into thinking this could work long term. Mal had been obsessed with his career and status and proving a point to his parents, who didn’t think they could ever do better for themselves and who in turn, ingrained this self-deprecation into their son.

After several years of hardly speaking to each other, Alina had approached Mal with an ultimatum - something had to change. His initial reaction was of shock. A total blindside, from his point of view. He was barely home, always at work or some leadership seminar or other, but when he was home, Alina always played dutiful wife. It was probably partially her fault that he didn’t think anything was wrong. She was also always radiant and charming when she needed to be, like at every work function as she was led around the room meeting all his bosses and senior management of the firm. Unsurprisingly, as was standard of their relationship, he misunderstood the root cause of the issues and decided that a new home and a new environment would be the solve.

—-

The neighbourhood was very nice but it was so manicured. It had nothing of the chaos and untidy charm of Os Alta. All the houses looked relatively similar and it was far from the action of the city centre where they lived before. This was a cozy street where everyone knew each other, especially where their new home was, where the street ended in a cul de sac. Coming from the city, Alina was having a small culture shock. There, you were just a tiny part of the faceless masses and no one gave anyone else a second glance.

On the second day after moving in, the doorbell rang. “Are we expecting anyone?” Mal said to her as he looked up from the box of books he was sorting through. Alina shook her head and went to the door.

“HI!! I am your new neighbor and number 1118 across the street. I’m Genya! I live there with my husband, David and two boys. Sorry, I would have stopped by yesterday but the day flew by. I just wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood.” Genya smiled eagerly. A few years older than Alina, she had stunning vermillion hair and amber eyes. She was still more pretty than Alina ever thought she herself could look, but it was slightly faded on the edges as if the years and the kids had blurred her beauty a bit. Nevertheless, Alina instantly took a liking to her and found her charm, radiating and her positivity completely contagious. “Hi, I’m Alina and I just moved here from Os Alta with my husband Mal. He’s just inside - sorry, we are still unpacking”, she says.

“Don’t be silly! You must be exhausted. Here is my famous lasagna casserole I made as I’m sure you have had no time to cook yet. When you get settled, we must have a glass of wine! Oh, it’s also perfect timing that you moved in this weekend because there is a block party this Saturday in the court and you must come meet all the neighbours. Everyone is great and we are all so excited for you all to move in!” Genya’s enthusiasm spread to Alina like a soothing spoonful of honey on a sore throat. Despite Alina being much quieter and less vivacious, she immediately liked the other woman and felt at ease with her. With Genya’s exuberance rubbing off on her, she said “That sounds great, see you then!” in a tone much more cheerful than she felt.

——

On Saturday morning, Alina woke up early to make her own famous recipe- peanut butter blondies - that was passed down by her foster mom, Ana Kuya. She didn’t feel particularly nervous about meeting her neighbours but there was still a little gnawing feeling pulling at her insides. Perhaps it was the thought of having to put on a face that everything was fine or more realistically, a quiet voice from deep down pointed out, that it was having to show up with Mal and be associated as his wife and be paired with him.

At around 11, she could hear a commotion outside as tables were being set up and kids were already laughing and running around. Mal came out from his study in his classic weekend uniform of a crisp linen shirt with chino shorts. Alina had on a floral strappy sundress with her hair pulled into a low messy knot at the back of her head. “Ready to go, hun?”, Mal asked. Alina nodded blankly, “can you please grab that other tray to bring it out”.

Although it was already near the close of summer, the air was still warm with a slight breeze. The sun was bright and set a golden filter on the entire street. The cul-de-sac was transformed with three large tables in the centre in an almost wide u-shape. The left two were loaded with all sorts of nice food and the far right table had the drinks and a large speaker with some lively music playing. All the kids were already playing in front of it, zooming around on bikes and throwing balls around. Alina spotted a couple ginger boys run past with water guns and knew those must be Genya’s. She looked toward the table and saw the bright redheaded matron arranging some sandwiches and Alina walked over, with Mal trailing behind.

“Hi Genya. This is Mal, my husband.” The cheerful neighbor turned around and immediately broke into a wide grin. “Ah, so great to meet you. Let me introduce you to my husband.” She shouted loudly to a gentle looking man who was taking apart and trying to fix a remote control car for a little boy just on the edge of the driveway.

“DAVID, come say hi to Alina and Mal!” David looked up sheepishly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He waved and shouted, “hello, - I’m just about to access the capacitor mechanism here so I’ll come over shortly!” Genya turned back toward the couple and rolled her eyes. “Sorry, he is an engineer and will jump at any chance to tinker with any mechanical devices. Even if it’s a kid’s toy. I’ll bring him over in a second but go ahead and help yourself to some food.” She said this with a tinge of annoyance to her voice but you could hear the love seeping out from the corner of it. Detecting it, Alina was almost jealous.

The next couple hours passed quickly and pleasantly. They chatted with all the neighbours in the immediate cul-de-sac and met most of the ones further along the street. Although it was so different to Os Alta, there was a cozy and inviting atmosphere of the suburbs. It put one at ease that there was kindness from strangers and that people cared. Maybe Alina could learn to love it here and maybe things could be different.

Mal, for one, seemed to have found himself a little group of like-minded husbands and had already gone off to have beer with two of them. Genya was very busy as one of the main organisers but still somehow managed to always be the radiant center of things. She would come check on Alina here and there but after Mal went off, Alina found herself standing alone on the edge of the court, watching the action within.

After several minutes of surveying the scene from the sidelines, she was about to go back inside for a second when she saw him. He was at the far end of the court looking straight at her. It was as if the sea had parted and it was a tunnel connecting only her and him. The din of the other neighbors and the rowdy kids completely melted away. Alina had thought she felt eyes on her earlier in the afternoon but had not pinpointed it until this moment of calm.

The dark and mysterious man across the way from her was one of the most handsome men Alina had ever seen and when she returned his look, the hair on her arms stood straight up. Not in a traditional way, per se, but there was something about his face and how he carried himself that almost left her breathless. Although it was a relatively warm day, he had on a black t-shirt and black jeans. His dark hair was on the long side and fell slightly over his face. Just then, he lifted one hand and flipped his hair back without his eyes once leaving her face. Alina felt a zap of high voltage in her body that she had never felt before. She felt a long lost feeling awake within her - one that was so familiar but had been dormant for years - where she was like a giddy schoolgirl. Chemicals reacting within her, core going molten, and stomach doing butterfly flips as if the popular boy had noticed her.

Without looking away and before Alina knew what she was doing, she started walking past the tables toward him. She quickly scanned the area for Mal and spied him chatting around some planter boxes of 1114 with his new friends. He was joking and genuinely laughing, which she hadn’t personally experienced in months. Turning back, she focused on her task at hand she passed through the slew of tables, where it suddenly was much quieter. All the kids were running in the foreground where all the snacks and toys were. Here, there were only a few scattered adults talking quietly. As she walked by them, she broke eye contact to smile lightly at the man in 1109 who said hello to her. They had met earlier but she had already forgotten his name. Finally. After what felt like ages, Alina arrived in front of him. This breathtaking figure was standing on the edge of the curb, hands in pockets, and with her standing on the street, she seemed even more diminutive as he towered over her like a great black shadow.

“Hey,” he said, voice dulcet but with a coolness that sent a shiver right down her spine. His voice was low and deliciously rich. “You just moved into 1115, right? I’m Aleksander - I live in 1121, just here-” he gestured behind him to a much more modern and austere looking build then the rest of the neighborhood and without any of the kid accoutrement that littered the front yard of many of their neighbors.

“I’m Alina,” she said softly practically falling completely into the dark pools of black ink that were his eyes. “We just moved here from Os Alta.”

“Welcome to the neighborhood," Aleksander said, sweeping his arm to the court out like a game show assistant showcasing the prize. "As you can see, we are a friendly, tight-knit bunch. Do let me know if there is anything I can do to help welcome you in. I surmise Genya will have already taken care of everything, but just in case…” He trailed off. As if he held back from saying what he wanted to say. Aleksander's voice was slow and deliberate as if every word was calculated and there was no wastage. He looked at her and for a second, Alina almost saw a slight spark of hunger in his eyes but surely she must have imagined it. She had never seen or met him before. She shook it off and she smiled brightly and said “Thank you. Everyone seems lovely and I look forward to getting to know everyone.” She stared up into his eyes, searching for a response. Alina was never usually direct when meeting a stranger, but something inside her had awoken when she first saw him. And in this short and seemingly mundane conversation, it was as if a different conversation happened just between their gaze. In this moment, somehow emboldened, she blurted, “I would love to get a drink sometime and get to know you whenever you’re free.” She blushed and looked away, cheeks burning. She was nearly 30, how could she still feel like a young girl approaching her crush?

“I would like that very much.” Aleksander had not once taken his eyes off of her. Even now, it looked like he was straining, jaw firmly set - compelling every muscle in his body to behave. “For the moment, I have to attend to some matters that I could not reschedule. Enjoy the rest of the party. It was a pleasure to meet you.” Aleksander gave one last long look into her eyes, before quickly turning up the driveway back to his house. As she stared at the smooth wooden door, Alina stood there for a few seconds completely shaken at what had just passed and at the unfamiliar feelings coursing through her. She hadn’t felt this kind of electricity in years. It took Genya tapping her on the arm to bring her out of her daze. “I see you met Aleksander. He mostly keeps to himself but he’s nice enough. Shame he lives in that big house all alone. Come on back, we are about to cut the cake.” Genya turned and started walking back to the tables yelling for the kids to assemble by the tables.

Alina took one last look at the house and thought she saw a curtain move and a dark shadow. What was she even doing? She was married. This will never do. Shaking herself, she turned and walked back the group.

~~~~~~~~~~~

So sorry about the shit spacing. Tumblr is not being my friend today!

[purplesurveys]

1248

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say?  I feel like I’ve answered a similar situation recently, but I would assume it was a drunk text or wrong text, inform them about it, and move on.

Do you play video games?  Nah. I do feel a sort of connection of video games since I grew up surrounded by them, though; but I’m more of a watcher than anything. I like watching playthroughs of video games I’ll never play. Do you spend a lot of time with family?  No. We used to, back when the quarantine was still a relatively new thing – we hung out in the living room all the time. But now that we’ve settled in this new normal, we’re back to our normal routines and I usually like staying in my room.

Is your house more than two stories tall?  Technically, yes. We have a rooftop that serves as the ‘third’ floor.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you?  My ex and I never hit one another; that’s a gigantic red flag even I would notice, considering I ignored most of the ones I saw hahaha.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!)  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to answer this question directly, but I like my generosity. I’m not sure if I can call it attractive, though. But if we were focusing on physical features, I like my smile.

What color is your hairbrush/comb?  Pink.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm?  My dad splurged on chips in his last grocery run so we actually have quite a lot of junk food in the pantry at the moment. He also bought several packs of cookie sandwiches, wafers, sunflower seeds, and garlic-flavored peanuts.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive?  Neither.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?  No, she’s just a good friend of mine.

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you?  I guess I don’t, because I’m not even aware of them.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female?  Guy. It was another reporter, so I just ignored it and luckily he didn’t PM me just to ask to add him back, which others have already done. I really hate when work people try to make their way into my personal accounts.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you?  My parents, especially when they are rude to service crew. Gen X-ers are impeccably talented at that, apparently.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate?  Around two or three weeks ago when I had dinner at Angela’s. Her dad gave me a bar of Crunch so I can have something sweet after our meal.

Do you play any games on Facebook?  No, I never did hop on that trend.

What would you like to get a degree in?  I wanted a degree in journalism, and graduated with such. At the end of my college stint I didn’t want to pursue it anymore, but I pushed through with it anyway because it was too much of a hassle to shift and start all over.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Technically not, because I stay up until the middle of the night anyway. It’s been a while since I fell asleep anywhere between 8 to 10 PM.

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game?  Watch a show.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater?  I don’t like either; I get fries instead.

What genre of films do you like the best?  Drama.

How many bank accounts do you have?  Two but I haven’t been using the other one in months. That was the bank account I initially opened when I first started ~adulting~ but when I got employed I was required to enroll in this other specific bank, so that’s what I mainly use now.

Have you ever had the flu?  Not really. I just get the occasional fever that pop out of nowhere.

What is your goal for the next few months?  Start saving FOR REAL, and also prioritizing furniture over merch for a while so I can finally fix up my room, which is quickly starting to look and feel like just a warehouse and not very homey at all.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life?  Nope.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience.  Yeah, it was from barbecue that apparently went bad, even though it tasted nothing of the sort. I woke up at 3 AM sweating profusely and with the most excruciating stomachache; I was feeling hot, cold, and nauseous all at the same time, and it probably lasted for like an hour or so.

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for?  Sealed albums and my pets’ vet expenses.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex.  Charming and smart.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it?  It felt nice to help people.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? Good question; I’ve never encountered this before. I would let her live a more comfortable, privileged life, where she didn’t have to staple her shoes to keep them closed or have to choose between eating at a fast food restaurant or being able to commute back home.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I’m not sure, actually. Everyone’s always slightly taller than me.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you?  I haven’t.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see?  Tumblr, I guess? My survey blog isn’t for any irls to see.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping?  I don’t really do either often, but I’ll go with mopping.

Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious?  Not for me.

Did you pull a senior prank?  No, that’s not a thing here. Did you graduate?  Yeah, elementary, high school, and college.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship?  Nope.

What was the last song you listened to?  It’s a song called Epiphany.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision?  Not ever since I was like 9 lol.

Is fashion one of your interests?  I’m way more interested in it now for sure, mostly because the celebrities I’m into these days put a lot of effort when it comes to their style; so it makes me more aware of the trends that come and go, as well.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone?  I’m keeping it as a possibility, but it’s not a priority for me now.

Do you care what people think?  To an extent, I would say. My life doesn’t depend on it, though.

Is acting something you enjoy?  Never been.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained?  Do you mean a thing or a body part? Anyway, I’ll answer both. The last thing I broke was my BTS Mic Drop pen of V looooooooooool the figurine came off the pen :(( It was pretty cheap though so I’m fine with it; I can always get another one. Last body part I sprained was my ankle, when I had a bad fall a couple of years ago.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours?  Either hasn’t happened.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language?  I don’t think so.

Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at?  Angela’s. Also JM’s, just because their family doesn’t hover and that vibe can sometimes be nice whenever I’m at someone else’s place.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you?  Never.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? Not as a very young kid, but I took up table tennis starting when I was 12. Did you ever watch the show Full House?  Nope.

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry?  Now that’s just delusional haha. I’m pretty obsessed with some celebrities, that much I can admit; but thinking of them in the context of marriage is so many steps overboard.

Have you ever burned someone’s picture?  No. I could, but I am scared of fire and will probably just think of other ways to express my anger, like tearing up the photograph. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on?  Total length was probably like 3 hours. I haven’t gone too far when it comes to hiking.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo?  Not interested.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Hans.

Do your parents smoke cigarettes?  My mom tried it once in her life, I think. My dad has never smoked.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it?  “Hope right here!”

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want.  Anything that’s supposed to roam freely in the wild, like squirrels.

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller?  Taller, since I’m already quite pint-sized to begin with lol.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. < Agree, especially with the eras. Childhood photos are always fun to look at, but I have had to delete a CHUNK of photos from years ranging from 2014 to 2020 because I’ve lost a handful of friends from that period.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people?  It’s hard to for the most part, but I’ve noticed very few people people really don’t. Most of the time it’s bullshit though.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in?  That it’s pretty close to the metro.

What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during?  Hmm, I prefer TV shows if I’m craving comedy.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during?  Life Is Beautiful.

What’s your favorite restaurant?  Omakase for my sushi fix; School Tteokbokki if I want Korean; Yabu if I’m looking for a generous rice meal.

Is there a dessert you don’t like?  Anything with fruits.

Favorite album?  After Laughter by Paramore.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it?  I can name authors instead of books – John Green and Haruki Murakami.

Underwater or outer space?  Outer space.

Dogs or cats?  Dogs.

Kittens or puppies?  Puppies.

Bird watching or whale watching?  Whale watching. I don’t get to be in the water as much, so I would jump at the opportunity.

What is your spirit animal?  I dunno if I have one but let’s just go with dog and elephant, I guess? They’re my favorites.

What was your best subject in school?  History.

What was your worst subject in school?  Chemistry.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school?  Don’t waste your time.

Who is your fashion icon?  Audrey Hepburn.

Diamonds or pearls?  Diamonds.

What color dress did you wear to prom?  For my own prom it was cream-colored/beige. When I went to Mike’s ball, I went with a royal blue gown.

What’s your favorite plot-twist?  I don’t think I’ve found my favorite yet.

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?  Not actively.

Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?  I dunno...road rage, maybe?

Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad?  It’s very likely.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out?  Sometime in the last week.

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? No thanks.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call?  Nope.

Who are you closest to?  Angela.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience?  No, all the ones I’ve been to have been amazing experiences.

Are you currently sad about anything?  Not really. I can’t complain.

Have you had any form of exercise today?  Nah.

Can you handle blood?  Nope, I will feel faint if I see it 100%.

Has any place hired you underage for a job?  No.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon?  I haven’t.

Are you currently searching for a job?  No, I like the one I have.

Does eating breakfast make you sick?  No?

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

Shining Waters

For @jamesbuckystark (@friendly-neighborhood-exchange)

Another exchange fic! This time a pinch hit! 

Rating: T

Characters: Peter Parker, Morgan Stark, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts

Summary: Peter babysits Morgan for the first time. It does not go as planned.

Prompt: Peter bonding with Morgan

TW: near drowning

Ao3 link

Tag list: @justrepostandlove @gasplaughgasp @canonismybitch @shadedrose01 @baloobird @whatisawilltolive @a-liddell-alice @you-know-i-larb-you-3000 @hold-our-destiny @lyssismagical @spideygirl2003 @make-the-stars-stay @pj-hermes-tonystark-obsessed @iron-loyalty

Peter sits on the dock, watching the water gently lap against the rocks that make up the shore of the lake. His feet are under the water, which is warm in the summer heat, and he gently kicks his feet back and forth. The light of the setting sun glares across the water, dying the blue brilliant reds and oranges.

Peter lets out a long breath, inhaling the humid air.

Everything is so different now. Tony has a wife and a kid. He was dead for five years. People that were his age are now almost out of college. And to him, it felt like the blink of an eye. He was disappearing and then he wasn’t. He was alone on a strange planet, being called to fight a war he didn’t know was happening.

Five years.

It doesn’t seem real.

Peter looks down at the water and the sunset’s reflection. At least this is the same. The lake house is new, but the feeling of water against his skin isn’t, the feeling of the sun isn’t. This is how Peter is dealing with this, finding things that are the same, things that didn’t move on without him. He finds comfort in the water hitting the rocks and the fish swimming beneath him. With his back to the lake house, Peter can pretend that everything is normal.

Peter takes another deep breath.

He hears feet pad behind him and then someone lowers themselves to sit beside him. Peter doesn’t have to turn his head to know that it’s Tony. With his enhanced hearing, Peter hears the whirring and humming of his metal arm.

Neither of them says anything for a moment.

“Pepper and I have to go into the city tomorrow,” Tony tells him. “I want you to watch Morgan but if you’re not comfortable with that I can always get Rhodey or Happy to.”

Peter shakes his head, “I can do it.” He looks down at his feet before looking over at Tony. “You really trust me with her?”

Tony looks at him like he’s the dumbest person on the planet, “Of course I do. Who else could I trust my daughter more with than her brother?”

Peter’s heart lurches in his chest, “...Brother?”

“Yeah, Pete,” Tony laughs. “Why do you think Morgan’s been hanging off your arm since you got here? She’s been hearing about her brother since she was born.”

“You told her about me?” Peter asks.

“God, of course, kid,” Tony wraps his arm around Peter and brings him into a side hug. “The little miss couldn’t fall asleep without a bedtime story about her favorite superhero. Her favorite one was always Spiderman and Iron Man teaming up to save the day.” Peter smiles softly. Tony looks Peter up and down. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I always wanted a sister.”

Tony smiles, “Well you got one now. And it’s your job to babysit her tomorrow, got it?” Peter nods. “Pepper and I are leaving before you guys wake up, but we should get home at seven or eight. If you need anything call Happy or Rhodey.”

“Okay.”

Tony kisses Peter’s temple, “I love you.

“Love you too.” Peter lets himself relax into the embrace as the words settle over him. Since waking up in the hospital, Tony has said those words to Peter over and over again, hugging him close, kissing his head. Peter can’t deny that he loves the shift in their relationship.

...

The next morning Peter wakes up to something slamming into his chest. He wakes up with a gasp only to see Morgan sitting on top of him, her head tilted curiously to the side. Her hair is all a mess from sleep and she’s wearing spiderman pajamas. Peter smiles at that.

“Morning,” Peter greets the girl as he sits up, blearily rubbing his eyes.

Morgan smiles at him, “Will you make me breakfast?”

“What do you want? I know how to make eggs or pancakes.” To no one’s surprise, Morgan chooses pancakes, taking Peter by the hand and practically dragging him down the stairs. While Peter cooks, he sits Morgan on the counter away from the heat. She kicks her legs against the cabinets as she talks.

Peter listens as she rambles on and on about movies and cartoons that he’s never heard of, people he’s never met, and things he doesn’t understand. But he doesn’t tell her that. He doesn’t tell her about the sinking feeling in his stomach as he is reminded once again of everything he missed in the blink of an eye.

“Petey?” Morgan cocks her head to the side and looks at her brother. “Are you okay?”

Peter forces air into his lungs and nods, “I’m fine.” Tony trusts him to watch his daughter, he can’t have a panic attack in front of her. “You wanna help me add the chocolate chips?”

Morgan nods eagerly and lets Peter pick her up.

Once breakfast is done, Peter sits Morgan down on the couch to watch some cartoons while he takes a shower. He lets the water run over him and he takes a deep breath, he’s babysitted for his neighbors dozens of times, it’s not any different with Morgan. Sure she’s his childhood hero’s kid and also his sister, but that doesn’t matter, Peter tries to convince himself. After showering, he lets Morgan convince him to watch tv with her.

“What do you want to do today?” Peter asks her during a commercial break.

Morgan looks up at him with pleading eyes, “Can we go out on the lake? Mommy and daddy haven’t taken me in forever.”

“Sure thing, peanut.”

Peter went to summer camp as a kid, he knows how to kayak so he doesn’t see a problem in sitting Morgan on his lap as he paddles. It’s just after lunch now so the sun beats down their necks. Peter paddles until the kayak sits in the middle of the lake. He rests the paddle across the boat and lets it drift. Morgan leans over the side of the boat, dragging her fingers through the soft water. “Be careful,” Peter warns her gently.

“Look, Petey!” Morgan points excitedly at something out of Peter’s sight. Curiously, he shifts towards where Morgan is and peers over the edge. Seeing nothing, Peter leans even further over the side. He sees what she’s pointing at, a rock glistening in the sunlight.

Peter is just about to say something to her when the boat flips over, dumping Peter and Morgan into the lake. Peter tries to grab a hold of Morgan, but he can’t grab her in time. She slips from his grasp and he loses sight of her as he squeezes his eyes shut on instinct.

Peter resurfaces, gasping for air. He looks around quickly but doesn’t see Morgan until he catches sight of her pink swimsuit under the water. Peter doesn’t hesitate to take a deep breath and dive under. He snags the little girl around the waist and drags her up. He dumps her into the kayak before climbing back in himself.

Peter looks down at Morgan desperately, her eyes are closed and he can hear a low wheeze as she breathes. Then all of a sudden her eyes spring open and she coughs roughly, spewing water from her mouth.

“We’re okay,” Peter assures her tensely. He rubs her back as she finishes coughing up water. Guilt and pain run through Peter’s arms as Morgan climbs into his lap and cries. Shame boils under his skin. His only job is to keep Morgan safe and he failed.

Morgan clings to Peter’s front, crying into his chest as he picks up the paddle with shaking hands and starts to row back towards the house. Once he ties up the boat, Peter picks Morgan up, holding her gently as she’s still crying.

What Peter figures happened to her is that when she fell out of the kayak, she hit her back on the big rock, and got the wind knocked out of her, causing her to forcibly inhale a mouthful of water. He guesses that that causes her to panic and take more water into her lungs before Peter pulled her up.

His heart is pounding in his chest. Tony is never going to trust him with his daughter ever again, she nearly drowned because Peter was too dumb to remember to grab a life jacket. Morgan’s cries have stopped by the time Peter gently nudges her to change her clothes. He does the same, walking into the guest- his bedroom and quickly stripping off his wet clothes.

His phone is sitting on the bed and he picks it up and calls Tony. He doesn’t answer. Then he tries Pepper. Nothing.

Peter is near tears. Why did Tony think leaving him alone with Morgan would be a good idea? Why did they trust him with their only daughter?

When he walks into the hallway, Morgan is waiting for him. She reaches for him and he is quick to scoop her into his arms and walk down to the living room. “I’m sorry, peanut,” Peter tells her. “I-I’m going to call someone else to watch you, okay?”

“No!” Morgan shakes her head quickly and hugs Peter.

“Mo, I have to call your parents and let them know what happened. I’m going to call Uncle Happy over to come take care of you.”

“No!” Morgan protests again, she shakes her head and holds him even tighter. With one hand, Morgan takes Peter’s phone and tosses it across the room.

“Morgan!” Peter gasps. He moves to go grab it, but Morgan pins him to the couch and doesn’t let him move.

Peter holds his little sister in his arms for what feels like hours. At one point, Peter grabs them some food and tries to get his phone, but once again, Morgan doesn’t let him. Morgan sits completely on top of her, her chest against his.

Peter doesn’t even feel himself zone out, he just snaps back into reality when the front door swings open. Pepper and Tony rush towards him with worried faces. Peter’s eyes well with tears at the lecture he knows is going to come. They’re going to kick him out and never want to see him again.  

Pepper lifts Morgan out of his arms and whisks her away upstairs, leaving a pale Peter with Tony.

“What happened, buddy?” Tony asks gently.

Peter sniffs, wiping away his tears, “I took her out on the boat without a life jacket and we both fell in and she breathed in so much water and I-” Peter sobs, leaning into his hands. “I-I tried to call someone but you didn’t answer and she didn’t let me call anyone else and I should have taken her to a doctor. I-I’m sorry.” Peter moves away from the comforting hand Tony puts on his shoulder. He doesn’t deserve it. “You trusted me with her and I let her on the lake without a life jacket and she could have drowned. I-I understand if you don’t want me to be here anymore-”

“Stop,” Tony shakes his head. Peter shuts his mouth quickly, waiting for Tony to shout and scream and reprimand him. But it doesn’t come. Instead Tony envelopes him in a tight hug, crushing his head into his chest. “Are you okay?”

Peter’s breath hitches as he takes a breath. He can’t find room in his throat to speak so he just shakes his head and cries into Tony’s shoulder.

“Shh…” Tony soothes. “You’re okay. Morgan’s okay. Everything’s fine.”

Peter shakes his head, “I-I let her get hurt. I let you down.”

“She’s not hurt,” Tony says, “a little shaken up, but she’s okay, thanks to you. Peter, there is only one other person I trust more with my daughter and that is my wife. I don’t blame you, Pete.”

“You should.”

“We all make mistakes,” Tony rubs his back. “If I had a dollar for every mistake I’ve made with Morgan I could buy the state of New York.” Peter chokes out a laugh. “You are not a bad person or a bad brother for making one mistake.”

“Thank you.” Peter lets himself be smothered by Tony’s hug.

[makeyourownmyth]

best seen in 2020.

My usual caveats from previous years are still applicable here: I don’t watch most of the major nominations the years they come out, and I’m usually not much for theaters and/or current TV. However, due to the pandemic, we watched a loooooooot of content. Here’s just a list of movies that I watched or rewatched this year, that were neither terrible, nor great, but I want to make note of:

Toy Story 4, The Brothers Bloom, Happiest Season, The Peanut Butter Falcon, Moana, Mr. Right, Moulin Rouge, Ocean’s Eleven, Spring Breakers, X-Men: Dark Phoenix (this might have been the worst movie I watched this year?), Widows, Gattaca, Black Klansman, Primer, It 2, Shazam (this maybe should have gone on the Honorable Mentions - it was fun), Training Day, Parasite (OK, now I have to update my Honorable Mentions), The Green Book, Strange Days, Elf, Love & Basketball, Above the Rim, Coach Carter.

That being said, there was some bad stuff, and I try not to shit on any artist’s creations too much, because I know no one sets out to make something bad, but these didn’t work for me. 

Anti

Uncut Gems - It’s not that it was BAD, it was just too stressful for me to enjoy.

Brick - It wasn’t even close to enjoyable on a rewatch that I encouraged my partner to take on for the first time. I felt bad. 

Hereditary - Neither a scary movie, nor a good movie.  

The Witch - Same, but maybe better made?

Under The Skin - Jesus, this was terrible. Maybe I’m not artsy enough to get it?

Now, however, let’s get to the good stuff. 

Honorable Mention TV

Avatar - I can’t legitimately put it on the Best Of list, because I’m not done yet, but I’m on Book 3, after finally actually getting started. I think I tried to start this in 2016, and i know all my nerd friends have been yelling at me for a long time because I haven’t gotten to it yet, and as someone who’s almost done, I can say: they were right! It’s great. 

Ozark - S1 was great. It fell off a fucking CLIFF after that. Ignore people who tell you that you HAVE to watch this. They’re wrong. It’s fine. 

The Last Dance - I know the world is obsessed with Michael Jordan, and I’m glad it came out when it did, but really, all it did for me was confirm that he’s an asshole who was very fortunate to play when he did. And also that the Bulls were fucking phenomenal. 

His Dark Materials - Neither as bad as some of my friends think, nor nearly as good as the books (obviously) but also not good enough that I’ve even started S2 yet, so....I guess it’s fine? 

The Mandalorian S2 - I think they know what they’re doing, and it’s super enjoyable, and I loved the ending, but I’m also curious as to where they’re going now. 

Fargo S3 - Given how good the rest of the series is (other than my distaste for S2, dealt with below, and out of step with pop culture) I thought this one was a misstep, 

Orphan Black - I cannot believe how late I was to this, and how good it still was. It really fell apart toward the end, but the acting was incredible, and the fact that they got to tell the story they wanted to was amazing. 

Best TV

7. All the Smoke with Kobe (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R3KIyEgCgc) - Maybe it was just his death, but it hits hard, and I miss him. Does this even count as TV? 

6. Looking for Alaska - It felt like gratuitous masochism to watch this and enjoy it, being 20 years older than when I fell for it, and feeling ashamed of the young person I was, but even knowing what was coming, I was weeping when it happened. Even knowing that they were ultimately going on a fruitless search and yelling at the TV while the Colonel and Pudge were searching for “signs” and hating them for it, I remember feeling like everything HAD to happen for a reason when I was this young... So yeah. It’s pure nostalgia for me. I’d be super interesting in hearing how kids responded to it. 

5. Locke and Key - I get that some people feel like they don’t need old shit in a new medium, but for me, I’m always up to try it out. If it’s fun, I’ll stick with it. And this is. It’s fun, it’s got some of the old shit, it’s got some new shit, and it’s a treat to see my favorite comic of the last decade in a new medium. Haters need a new bit. 

Fargo s1 and s4 (I didn’t love S3) - I know that I’m in the minority here, but I think 1 and 4 are the best and 2 was good, and 3 was fine. I literally watched all of this show this year, though, so I didn’t have the same time to digest as others. But I think that’s a benefit in some regards? 

4. Magicians s5 - One of the saddest conversations of the last year to two was when a nerd friend of mine said he didn’t like The Magicians because all of the characters were whiny and self-indulgent. For me, that was almost literally the point: they shoved Q into the corner and told the story of the others (at least one episode quite self-referentially so) and it was so much better for that. I wish it hadn’t ended, but I’m glad they left it where they did, because it was so good.  

3. Devs esp. The beginning of e5 - Jesus. The show of the year? Except for the fact that Watchmen came out at the tail end of last year, and I didn’t have it on my 2019 list? I mean, honestly, is there a show more tailored to me? I’m not gonna get into any spoilers, but it’s a quick watch, and it’s fucking fantastic. Watch it, have your mind blown by the concept, especially in the beginning sequence of E5, and then stick around for the subpar ending where basically all of the threads are resolved in the least good way. 

2. Watchmen - This deserves multiple re-watches and all the praise that people heaped upon it. 

1. The Good Place - I know, objectively, that Watchmen was a better show than The Good Place. But this is my list, and I’ll be damned if anything overtakes my favorite sitcom (maybe of all time?) for best of the year. I know it barely just ended this year, and there’s plenty of acclaim to go around for this show, but honestly, every time I talk to anyone about it, it feels like they kind of laugh it off. This show is not only worth your time, but should almost be considered must-watch material. If more people watched this show, we wouldn’t need the insult “sophomoric” to describe people who’ve just had their minds blown by Philosophy 101, and we’d be better off as a species. 

Honorable Mention Movies

In this order, and you can take the comedies and make them the only honorable mentions, if you’d like to make a nice, even top 10. (Until I saw Tenet the night before I posted this.( (And then I looked back at the playing cards that we use to randomly choose movies and I found that I needed to modify the Honorable Mentions and the Best Of lists.) 

21 and 22 Jump Street - In general, I’m not a fan of comedies. So I’m happy I watched these, thanks to Nathan Zed, and they’re funny. Good work guys. 

Palm Springs - Apparently there’s now backlash against Groundhog Day? I dunno, man, it was fun, and all the actors seemed like they were having a good time, and I was down for it. 

Parasite - I can’t add anything to this that hasn’t already been shouted from the rooftops, so let me just briefly say that I thought it was great, but it didn’t quite make the list of best. The combo of genres was great, the cast was fantastic, but what I loved the most about it was how quiet it was.

Best Movies

10. Blinded by the Light - Way more resonant than I thought it’d be from the previews, and I already thought it was gonna be stellar. I didn’t take into account TIME along with place, and that made a hell of a difference for this movie. 

9. Shoplifters - Yeesh. What a tough watch, but so good, and so necessary. For me, I think we watched it back to back to back with Parasite and I, Tonya, and this one just stood out so much more. The storyline was softer all the way through, but really had gravitas simultaneously. 

8. Tenet - It was fucking fun! I don’t get the hate! I liked it, I’ll like it more next time I see it, and I wish I’d seen it on the big screen, but I’m super glad I could see it on my TV! 

7. I, Tonya - Geez, what a powerhouse of acting. Not only did they get me to feel good about the villain of my childhood, they got me to feel good about Margot Robbie, who I’d only thought of as a hot lady before. Superb acting from everyone else, too, and what a great pick up to be like, yeah, this is the story we’re gonna tell. 

6. I Am Not Your Negro - I avoided watching it for so long because I was already depressed this year, and I didn’t think I needed any more of that, but it turns out I did, and I always do, from Baldwin. He’s a master for a reason. 

5. Hamilton - I know there was some backlash with the time difference, and I’m sure it was better to see it pre-2016 in the theater, where it’s meant to be seen, but I’m not a billionaire New Yorker, and I was plenty happy to see it when and where I could. 

4. Won’t You Be My Neighbor - I mean...what do you think? It’s so much exactly what you’re thinking it is, but then it’s even better, because it’s the real deal, and he was so good, and it’s so pure. Watch it. 

3. Her Smell - Elizabeth Moss has already gotten all the acclaim, but to play this different of a role, in a movie that felt as stressful as Uncut Gems, but pulled off an actual plot so much more successfully? I can’t believe this one didn’t get more pub, but then again, yes I can: it’s a movie about a girl band that rages against the machine, and she’s got severe issues. Small surprise that the people didn’t react well. Seek this one out! 

2. Arrival - Yes, I am going to totally cheat and put a movie that’s appeared on my list (sooooo long ago) as the #2 entry this year. You know why? Cuz fuck 2020, and this is a great movie, and it’s the movie that made me feel second best this year. It’s incredible, and I know people appreciated it in its time, but I feel like they should appreciate it even more. 

1. Moonlight - It’s not a shock, nor am I trying to appease anyone with anything. It’s just that I finally watched it, and it’s the best movie I saw this year. I don’t think I could possibly add anything to the authentic critics who have already heaped praise upon it, but I do have to say that it’s all due, and so much more. The acting obviously stands out, but the direction, from the color palettes, to the choice of when and where (and how) to break it up, are all masterful choices.  

[bojokehorseman]

The Big BJ Meta

Part One: Analysis of Seasons 1 - 5

So Bojack is a show that is as much about morality and accountability as it is about dealing with existential loneliness and trauma. And bc Boj season six is the first part of an accumulation of a six season journey, we need to recap a little.

[major triggers for alcohol, drugs, parental abuse, sexual abuse and physical abuse]

Season 1 introduces us to this dissatisfied, overly-privileged, cynical narcissist. Boj, in my opinion, is prototypical of literally any male art teacher: a self-proclaimed worldly artist who’s given up on his dreams and tends to take it out on everyone else & self destruct despite his occasional moments of genuine wit. We briefly explore his neglectful childhood and his dysfunctional influence on his TV daughter, Sarah Lynn, that continues to present day.

Diane’s book—which, inexplicably, is clearly not written as a ghostwritten autobio but maybe this breach in contract is bc the penguin editor is so desperate—anyways, boj’s strong negativity to Diane’s book represents not only his self hatred but his inability to accept the way he’s perceived by others. He wants to disassociate from the bad parts of his personality as to avoid their consequences and continue the cycle anew. When Bojack asks Diane if he’s a good person “deep down”, Diane tells him he can only be a good person by doing good things. Looking back at the relationships he’s sabotaged: Herb, Todd, Diane, even Sarah Lynn, this depresses him. However, his tell-all book and his negative worldview are what get him his dream role. The season ends with him signing an autograph at the planetarium, subsequent to watching old Horsin Around DVDs. I suspect he visited the planetarium in an attempt to reconnect w Sarah Lynn (conscious or otherwise), meanwhile the autograph signifies that on a superficial level, he’s on top of the world.

Boj season 2 explores how he tries to “cure” his depression by pushing down his negative feelings and replacing them with new goals, new furniture, new podcasts. But as Kelsey Jennings says, people get stuck in a loop of arrested development when their emotional growth goes unchallenged, exemplified by the fact that Boj finds himself dating the one and only woman on Earth who’s mentally stuck in the eighties due to a twenty-year coma. This aggressive positivity to the point of delusion shows up especially when Bojack is unable to act out serious scenes in secretariat and is more comically exemplified in Princess Carolyn’s relationship to a ten year old in a trench coat.

Boj’s self-help attitude subsides when he receives a call from his emotionally vaulted mother and Herb dies of a peanut allergy. With the realisation that his dream job hasn’t fulfilled him, he seeks meaning in his old crush Charlotte who was once Herb’s beard. The reality that Charlotte’s settled down with a family in New Mexico, thus crushing his domestic fantasy of them living in a cottage in mane, spurs him further into escapism and destructive tendencies. He takes adavange of Charlotte’s teenaged daughter, having displaced his feelings toward Charlotte onto Penny. (Themes of sexual assault are also explored in the Hanky After Dark B plot.) Charlotte kicks him out and Bojack tries to mend his relationship with Todd by rescuing him from Scientologists an improv cult. Bojack then renames the Bojack Horseman Orphanage (funded by his horsin around money) in honour of Herb. The Jogging Baboon tells him, ‘Every day it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it gets easier.’ Despite his inappropriate bender with Penny, Bojack ends the season with small efforts to become a better person, through action rather than superficial notions of “deep down” or self help.

In s3, Boj spends the season promoting a movie he wasn’t actually in. During the award winning silent episode which makes the most use out of the series’ drowning metaphor (water as depression; swimming as the acceptance of accountability and the small daily acts that connect you with people and make life bearable), Bojack’s failed attempt to reconcile with Kelsey for getting her fired leads him instead into rescuing a baby seahorse separated from their father. Boj, however still has not found a sense of meaning in his life as he admits to Jill Pill that he wants to make work that “connects with people” and “lasts” and hopes that an Oscar win will afford him the legacy he craves. Bojack further sabotages his relationship with Todd when he sleeps w Todd’s high school sweetheart, Emily (notably after he’s sabotaged then saved a lesbian wedding). Shenanigans lead him to reminisce with Princess Carolyn, admitting that he loves her but ultimately refusing to be her client. Bojack loses his Oscar then spirals back into yet another season finale depressive episode, once more with Sarah Lynn. After Sarah Lynn dies, Bojack goes along with Ethan’s idea of a spinoff of Horsin Around but eventually leaves, scared he’ll recreate his destructive tendencies with (and possibly kill) his child actor co-star. After Todd burns their bridge, Boj is aimlessly driving his Tesla at suicidal speeds until he notices a group of horses racing in the desert, moved by the authenticity of what Secretariat merely imitates.

Season 4 has Bojack try to reconcile his mother’s trauma with the abuse she made him suffer all while Beatrice isn’t lucid enough to be cognitively present. Hollyhock, as his potential daughter, is symbolically aligned with Penny and Sarah Lynn: young women who faced the consequences of Bojack’s toxicity. This season’s twist, however, introduces the idea that Bojack is a part of a cycle of abuse. Hollyhock is his sister, conceived bc of his father’s affair with the maid. Her abandonment at birth isn’t Bojacks’s fault but rather Butterscotch’s infidelity and Beatrice’s obsession with class and appearances (which is admittedly a v pragmatic move in her point of view). Beatrice’s trauma w food disorder explains her abusive behaviour towards Hollyhock who herself becomes traumatised and physically ill from the diet pills Beatrice hid in Holly’s smoothies. Bojack finds hope in Hollyhock who stands as evidence that his legacy of trauma and abuse isn’t inherent, Hollyhock, however has to deal with the trauma of being secretly drugged.

Season five more explicitly explores themes of sexual abuse, previously only briefly touched upon with Penny and Hank’s characters. Bojack stars as a jaded street smart detective, an uncanny charicature of his own personality. This season has Bojack try in earnest to be sober. In Free Churro, another award winning experimental episode, Bojack nihilistically reflects on his relationship with his mother. With her death, all of his abusers will have gone to the other side, leaving him with the responsibility of continuing or abolishing the abuse cycle. When Boj develops an addiction to painkillers, he spirals down an addiction hole that compromises his relationship w co-star Gina and even his relationship to reality. Bojack physically assaults her onset. Gina decides not to go public to further her career. Diane discovers Bojack’s history with Penny and writes it into the story of Bojack’s show before confronting him about it directly at the premiere. Bojack admits to Diane that he feels victimised by the guilt his abuse causes him, signaling that Boj is still in denial and unable to accept the consequences of his actions. (“Fun” fact Boj hints at what he did to Sharona in this scene) Bojack later consfesses to Diane that he thinks he’s a bad person while Diane accuses him of using black and white morality to avoid his own sense of responsibility because there’s “no such thing as bad people” only “bad actions”. Diane decides that Bojack is a bad influence for her, Bojack admits he doesn’t know how to take responsibility for himself and Diane drives him to rehab.

TL ; DR

Season one was about accepting the dissonance between your self perception and your actions.

Season two asserts that trying to escape from yourself or finding purpose in superficial goals that aren’t oriented toward connection w others is futile. Meaning comes from bridging the gap through small acts of (empathetic) honesty and kindness, as The Jogging Baboon advises.

In season three, Boj tries but is not ultimately able to come to terms with the people he’s hurt, namely Sarah Lynn and Penny. The guilt consumes him and he copes once more through escapism and self-destruction until an epiphany in the form of running horses makes him realise what his life might look like if he was honest with himself.

Season four explores Bojack’s actions in the context of his childhood trauma as well as the trauma of his own abusers: his mother. His sister represents a fallacy in his fatalistic notion that all Horseman dna is toxic and offers him hope.

Season five however comes with the confession that Bojack doesn’t know how to properly take responsibility for his actions, as a celebrity he’s never truly held accountable and is enabled to continue to indulge in escapism and denial. This season marks the worst thing that he’s ever done on screen: choke his co-star. Second to that is how he enabled Sarah Lynn’s addiction, slept w her, and neglected her as her father figure. Finally Bojack tried to sleep with his crush’s seventeen year old daughter after getting her drunk at her own prom. All of which are brought up again in season five but almost never mentioned in season six (Part 1) outside the very beginning and very end. Diane takes Bojack to rehab as his first step toward true self-awareness.

Part Two: here

[remywrites5]

Your writing is so fantastic and makes me so happy. Could I please have some wolfstar? Thank you x

           Sirius got a sick thrill of the idea that his mother would absolutely lose what was left of her mind if she knew her eldest son was shopping at a secondhand store. It wasn’t very upper class of him to be buying jeans and t-shirts that had been worn by a previous owner. Walburga Black hadn’t even reused baby clothes for her second son because to do so would imply they did not have money to burn.

           Not that it really mattered what his mother or father would say about it anymore. Sirius had moved out of the seventh circle of hell that had been his childhood home and was living with his best mate, James, for the summer until they both went off to Uni. Sirius had taken to buying his clothing at a secondhand store anyway, because he absolutely adored anything vintage, and it was the only time he got to wear what he wanted. It wasn’t as if his mum was going to give him the money to go out and buy some leather trousers.

           He knew the Potters wouldn’t have a problem buying him so clothes, but he would never have the heart to ask. He already felt like a prat staying at their house for the summer. James kept saying it was no big deal but Sirius hated being a burden. It was enough that they were housing and feeding him, they didn’t need to be clothing him as well. At least Sirius had some money from his part time job at the record store, but since the pay was shit, secondhand was all he could afford anyway.

           Sirius slid his hand over some jumpers and stopped when he reached one that was impossibly soft. He pulled it from the hanger and held it up to himself. It was a bit long for his slender frame but he knew he could make it work. Besides, he looked amazing in red with his dark hair and features. A little red lipstick to match and Sirius could make this impossibly cute.

           His high heel boots clicked against the hardwood floor as he brought his purchases up to the register. “Alright, Mr. Ollivander?” Sirius said to the kindly old man who ran the shop.

           “Same as any day, I suppose,” Mr. Ollivander responded in that resigned way of his.

           Sirius grinned. “I know just what you mean. I’m in the mood for some excitement!”

           “You won’t find much of that around here,” Mr. Ollivander informed him, bagging up his clothing and handing it to him. Sirius paid with the few quid in his pocket and took his change.

           “Then I’d better go find some!”

           Mr. Ollivander cracked a smile. “Good luck to you, then.”

                                                           ***

           Sirius got his stuff home and modeled it all for James even though it was very much against James’ will. James would have been happier continuing playing Fifa instead of watching his best mate try on clothes. “I told you, my mum would have taken you shopping,” James said in exasperation, lounging on his stomach as Sirius turned in front of the mirror.

           “Absolutely not,” Sirius said, turning his back to the mirror and craning his neck to be able to see his arse in the new jeans he’d just gotten. “Your parents are doing enough for me as it is. Besides, I go shopping like once a week.”

           “I know,” James said, pulling out his phone. “It’s where your entire paycheck goes.”

           “Any day now I could meet the love of my life,” Sirius said, turning back around and puckering his lips at his reflection. “They’re hardly going to fall in love with me at first sight if I look like a hot mess!”

           James rolled his eyes and continued scrolling through his phone. “As if you’d ever go out looking anything less than perfect.”

           “Says the guy who spends half an hour in front of the mirror to get the perfect sex hair,” Sirius said, grabbing his liquid lipstick off the dresser and applying some.

           James huffed indignantly. “I’ve never in my life –“

           “Yes, you have,” Sirius said, wiping a bit of lipstick off his teeth. “So don’t give me shit about wanting to look good.”

           James shrugged. “It’s a fair point,” he conceded, rifling through the bag of clothes, clearly bored with whatever he’d been looking at on his phone. “What is this?” He pulled the red jumper from the bag and held it up. “

           “Oh that!” Sirius said, walking over. “Isn’t it incredible?”

           “That’s one word for it,” James said, raising an eyebrow. “You’ll be swimming in it.”

           “I’ll have you know that I’m a perfectly respectable height!” Sirius told him indignantly, knowing it wasn’t really true. There was a reason he often wore three-inch heels.

           “Hold on,” James said, dropping the jumper into his lap. “There’s a name on the tag.”

           “Ooh, what’s it say?” Sirius asked, sitting down next to James.

           “Property of R. J. Lupin,” James read aloud. “Well, not anymore.”

           Sirius yanked the jumper out of James’ hands and checked the tag. He let his thumb slide over the letting, neat and precise, fitting exactly on the tag. Something about it was oddly comforting, just like the jumper itself.

           “Earth to Sirius, hello?” James said, waving his hand in front of Sirius’ face. “What’s wrong with you?”

           Sirius hugged the jumper to himself. “I don’t know,” he said, feeling funny. Maybe this was just the adventure he’d been looking for.

                                                           ***

           For the next few weeks, Sirius became obsessed. As soon as he’d been paid, he would rush over to Mr. Ollivander’s and check each piece of clothing in the shop for a tag belonging to R. J. Lupin. So far, Sirius had collected a t-shirt, a pair of jeans that were nowhere near fitting him, three more jumpers and a pair of pyjama bottoms that he slept in every night, even though they were practically falling off his slim hips.

           He’d also interrogated Mr. Ollivander about R. J. Lupin but hadn’t gotten anything out of the old man. It was unbelievably frustrating. Sirius knew that R. J. Lupin had to be coming into the shop because new clothes kept turning up, but no matter how much time he spent amongst the racks, hoping for some sign of him, he found nothing other than his discarded clothes.

           It was on a whim that Sirius decided to pop down to the shop during his lunch break. Mrs. Potter had packed him a peanut butter sandwich to eat and he had shoved it down quickly so that he would have time to get to Mr. Ollivander’s and back. The bell chimed with his arrival and he was about to greet Mr. Ollivander when he noticed a boy arguing with him.

           “You don’t understand,” the boy was saying, tugging on one of his curls. “That was my favorite jumper. My nan knitted it for me.”

           “I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do,” Mr. Ollivander said with an apologetic sigh. “If it’s not in the shop then it’s gone.”

           The boy let out a distressed little noise. “I can’t believe my mum gave it away, I – “ he glanced over at Sirius and then stopped, his eyes widening in surprise. “Hold on, that’s it!”

           Sirius watched as the boy marched over to him and looked him up and down. “Can I help you, mate?” Sirius asked, giving the boy a cheeky smile.

           “That’s it, that’s my jumper!” the boy said, gesturing to the red jumper that had become Sirius’ favorite.

           Sirius felt his heart beginning to race. It couldn’t be him after all this time, could it? “No, this is my jumper,” Sirius said, shocked that he could sound so casually while internally he was flipping the fuck out. “I bought it.”

           R. J. Lupin huffed, making his curls blow off his forehead. “Well it was mine first. It’s even got my name on the tag.”

           Sirius cocked his head to the side. “R. J. Lupin?”

           “Yes!” Remus said, getting closer to Sirius. “Remus John Lupin, that’s me!”

           Sirius glanced up at Remus (Remus! John! Lupin!)and felt himself swooning. Remus was tall, just as Sirius had thought he must be. Even in Sirius’ heels Remus had quite a bit on him. His eyes seemed to be hazel but the sunlight made them look almost like honey. This had turned out even better than Sirius could have hoped for.

           “Well, I’m sorry Remus John Lupin but I bought this jumper fair and square,” Sirius said with a shrug.

           Remus scowled at him and fished his wallet out of his trousers. “How much did you pay for it? I’ll give you five pounds.” He held out the money and Sirius glanced at it for a moment before shaking his head.

           “Sorry, the jumper is not for sale,” he told Remus in no uncertain terms.

           Remus worked his jaw for a moment as if trying to maintain his composure. Sirius bit his bottom lip and wondered just what would happen when that calm, cool exterior broke. Remus looked him up and down again and then sighed heavily. “Fine, keep it then,” he said, shoving his money back into his wallet.

           “That’s it?” Sirius asked, feeling a little disappointed that Remus hadn’t pushed the issue further.

           Reus shrugged. “If you won’t give it back, you won’t give it back, I’m not going to steal it from you.” Remus put his wallet away and tugged his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Besides, it looks better on you anyway.”

           Sirius grinned, preening at the compliment. “Well, I’d be willing to do some sort of joint custody situation.”

           Remus chuckled. “For a jumper?”

           Sirius nodded. “Maybe you could have it one week and I could have it the next? It’ll be like the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants only, you know, less stupid.”

           Remus quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t know, this sounds pretty stupid.”

           “I mean, I could just keep the jumper if that’s what you want.”

           Remus took a moment to consider. “I don’t believe you’ve told me your name.”

           “Sirius Black.”

           “Fine then, Sirius Black,” Remus said, holding out his hand. “Meet me here, same time next week.”

           Sirius shook on it.

                                                           ***

           Weekly trade-offs of the jumper kind of turned into weekly lunch dates with Remus. It took a little coaxing but Sirius finally got Remus to share his peanut butter sandwich. Eventually Sirius got Remus’ number, just in case of emergencies, and immediately began texting him for very non-emergency related things. He took a picture of himself in Remus’ old pyjama bottoms and no shirt, sending it to Remus, because Sirius was a shameless flirt.

           Wait, I recognize those!

           Finders Keepers

           Just how many discarded articles of my clothing do you own?

           A fair few.

           It’s a good thing Ollivander’s doesn’t take pants or you’d probably have those as well.

           If you want me to wear your underwear, Remus, all you have to do is ask.

           Yeah but I don’t though because that would be weird?

           Only if you make it weird.

           You’ve made it weird.

           I don’t think so. That was you stinking the place up with your weirdness.

           You’re ridiculous.

           You like it.

           I’m admitting nothing.

                                                                       ***

           Sirius went bounding up to Remus excitedly. Remus had already been outside Ollivander’s waiting for him and the sight of it made Sirius’ heart melt. “You know, Remus, I’ve been thinking.”

           “Uh oh,” Remus said, taking the jumper when it was offered to him.

           “We’ve been passing this jumper back and forth for a while now and it’s almost like shared custody. But we never got the fun part of being married.”

           “Why Sirius, are you proposing?” Remus asked, putting his hand to his heart and laughing.

           “Well, maybe not marriage, I was thinking more like a date.”

           Remus stopped laughing and stared at Sirius. “You want to go on a date with me?”

           “Duh,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. “I thought the constant texting and the fact that I own a fair bit of your clothes might have tipped you off to that.”

           Remus chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. The silence dragged on for a bit too long until Sirius couldn’t stand it anymore. “Well fuck, Remus!” he said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Don’t do me any favors. Just forget I said anything and we’ll – “

           Sirius was cut off by Remus kissing him. It was a bit painful for a moment, teeth clacking against each other, until the kissed smoothed out into something a little less frantic. Sirius pressed in close to Remus and wrapped his arms around his neck. Remus responded by placing his hands on Sirius’ hips and pulling him even closer until they were flush against each other. Sirius moaned and opened his mouth, allowing Remus access to slip his tongue in.

           The red jumper was pressed between their bodies as Sirius started a new adventure of learning all the different ways he could kiss Remus John Lupin.

[creationsincarnate]

ok I'm usually not this lazy but that's a long ass post so count by fives and give me what comes out of that

You’re asking for a novel missy.

Gif slightly applies as I attempt this challenge. Also gives me a chance to test out Elfo as a mun FC (as I have learned I am very much like Elfo clueless wise.)

005. Are they in good health?

Generally, yes. Specifics depend on the verse. ex. In verse 2 she’s still recovering from slashes to her back made by a beast god and it can hurt from time to time because she never gave herself enough time to heal, but in the 1st that hasn’t happened yet and she doesn’t have any injuries.

10. Do they believe in love at first sight?

No she doesn’t. This is partially because she doesn’t look for it, and also partially because she’s read enough stories (especially Shakespeare) where love at first sight ended horribly but love developed from conversation worked out far better. 

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Most likely to win with her tongue and use it in the first verse, but in the 2nd and 3rd if she’s very upset she’s likely to throw hands as well.

I’m actually going to write a letter from Snow to her mother for my creative writing class that focuses on this, where she’s wound up in the past, she’s confused, she’s angry, and one of the few things she’s damn sure about is Thor is at fault somewhere and she will punch him in the face. She knows he’s not someone to piss off and could demolish her, but this is a case where her anger is winning out and patience is too thin to care, and she is determined to find Thor somewhere and sucker punch him.

The following letter will be how she finally managed it, and how now she’s in hiding with a teenage Loki cause teenage Thor is pissed and Loki is finding the fact that she slugged Thor in the jaw and near broke her hand upon FIRST MEETING too hilarious to let her die before he can convince Thor to talk to Frigga for the reason. She relates to her mother that it was a very bad idea. She feels better now though.

020. What are their hobbies?

Her dogs really, or at least researching ways to better care for them and finding fun DIY things that are safe and could turn out well, like making peanut butter filled chew toys and such or comfy beds. Same with Mythology, she loves researching in general, but mythology is a big draw for her. She usually leans on singing though since she has more access to being able to hum when bored or thinking in most cases rather than researching stuff.

025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?

Patience and Forgiveness. In her first verse she works really hard to live up to these values, but she finds it almost impossibly difficult. This is due to anger with the gods and being hesitant to forgive or hold patience with them and instead regulates her patience to being strictly for Huanglong. The baby dragon gets into antics.  She admires people who can still retain their patience or display forgiveness to others, especially those who wronged them. When she can practice it less she especially admires it.

030. Do they believe in the afterlife?

She‘s visited the immortal realm which holds all afterlives, so yes she knows she’s going somewhere after everything.

035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?

Protect her loved ones above all else. If it ever comes down to a stranger, the world, or her parents/Huanglong/her friends, she’d choose the last every time. It’s the only reason she’s still putting up with the gods, because she knows her family and friends are at stake otherwise.

040. What is their obsession?

She’s obsessed with the show Galavant. She will pick and choose songs from it that somewhat fit her situations if she needs stress relief and just start singing. Not sure if I wanna place the book as just after the 1st season finishes or the 2nd.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

Not in the first verse, or really in the 2nd. She does develop anxiety during her journey though. This is usually tied to magic in general, despite her developing a dependency on it as well.

050. How does your character feel about their own mortality?

She knows it’s coming and she knows where she’ll be going afterwards, despite the fact that she doesn’t like it. She’s not thrilled about it and would prefer to have control over it, but she’s not terrified of it either.

055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?

Snow is an introvert, Huanglong is an extrovert. He is a very tiring little dragon to raise, especially since people don’t realize dragons ever really existed/technically still exist. And he wants everyone’s non-plastic jewelry and to talk them into letting him have it. Snow needs to intervene often.

060. What is your character’s attitude toward education and learning?

She advocates for it and even planned to become a teacher. She was one for a few years, but she eventually decided to open a bookstore instead since her dependents increased and renting and selling books made it easier for her to watch people she needed to and teach people about books at the same time/give them access to learning.

065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?

Following is preferred and Snow doesn’t really like leading. In the 3rd verse she starts getting better at it though as she is realizing she needs to lead herself rather than follow the whims of the gods and force them to help her take action to fix their mistakes.

070. What about your character is cowardly?

Probably her inability to let people go. If it puts her loved ones at risk she is very unlikely to let them do it, to the point where a death is planned in the book (occurs between 1st verse and 2nd verse here) that forces her to face this fear and learn to deal with it. Her response is to double down and further hide Huanglong for fear of losing him, which to others makes her look strong and protective to others but can also appear cowardly because she’s actively avoiding her duties because she’s afraid to entrust Huan’s safety to anyone else but also to scared to put him in danger with her. Her progress actually slows until she can manage to face this fear and realize she can protect Huan while also doing the dangerous job of tracking Loki that the gods sent her on in the first place.

075. Is your character ticklish?

She’ll deny it, but her feet are ticklish. Enough so you might get kicked if you try to tickle them cause it causes a pretty big physical reaction.

080. How easy is it for others to read your character’s emotions?

Easy in the first verse, but not very easy in the 2nd and 3rd as she becomes incredibly guarded. She has some acting training and that training was made into a mask in those verses to avoid people trying to manipulate her. If people aren’t sure how you’re actually responding, its more difficult for them to play you for a fool.

085. Describe your character in three words.

Disgruntled Dragon Mom.

090. How bodily expressive is your character?

Depends on where she is emotionally. The higher the emotion, the more she moves. Her default is not much though, maybe a hand wave, weight shift, or small arm movement but nothing exaggerated.

095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do.

Shoot a gun. Snow hates loud noises, almost as much as a dog or cat (she’s not a fan of fourth of july fireworks), so most people wouldn’t expect her to be willing to put something that makes a loud noise anywhere near her own ears. They’d be right, she is generally unwilling, but she has had firearm training courtesy of her grandpa. While she prefers throwing knives like her grandma taught her, she is completely capable of grabbing someones gun and shooting someone down as well. “An Aruson never misses” is her matrilineal family motto, and Snow covered all her bases.

Ride a horse. She’s not an expert, but she was raised riding horses so she developed this skill since childhood (guns were when she was a teen). Most people don’t peg her as a horse person because she lives in an apartment in a rural area, dresses in more of a biker chic manner, and likes combat boots rather than horse riding ones. Most are surprised when they learn she actually owns a horse of her own and knows how to ride her in the western style or race barrels with her mare. 

Speak Norwegian, if only conversationally and mostly with slang. She’s not an expert, and any Norwegian native would realize it’s not her first language and be able to talk circles around her, but she could survive for a while with only minimal help from locals if dropped in the country. This is again because of her grandparents, as they’re Norwegian immigrants and spoke their native language around her fairly often from an early age. Her mother is bilingual (spoke Norwegian at home, English everywhere else) but her father only speaks English, so her mother usually regulated speaking Norwegian to muttering, exasperation, when grandparents visited, or not directly talking to Snow or her father. This didn’t let Snow be surrounded by the language like her mother was, so she didn’t pick up on it as completely as her mother. She has the Northern Norwegian accent down though.

100. Does your character dream? If so, what do they dream about?

Sometimes. Mostly about very mundane things, like running late for school, going through a day, etc. before waking up. Recently she’s had a lot of hiking dreams or dreams about trying to sort Huan’s growing horde and the baby dragon just keeps throwing new stuff at her at random with no regard for her attempt at organization.

[nathvniels]

i swear i always overthink my intros to the point where they become such a mess and super fuckin ****** and das a BIG ASS YIKES ! so ima just chill and say whuddup i’m griffin ( but you can call me griff or g or sometimes i even go by honey don’t ask don’t come for me ) , i’m eighteen , from the most boring timezone aka est , and my pronouns are she/her !

i could have sworn i saw SHAWN MENDES on campus the other day. oh right , it was probably just NATHANIEL ADELSON. the NINETEEN year old SOPHOMORE is studying PHILOSOPHY. i hear the CISMALE is in LACROSSE , FILM , AND ARMITAGE INTENTIONS and can be both ASTUTE and MOROSE. maybe we should get to know them a little better.

basic facts

full name: nathaniel james adelson

nineteen + june 6th + two-faced gemini bitch

chillin in ainsworth hall

emotionally stable ? no. financially stable ? yes.

hates the ocean and peanut butter

middle child ( one older brother / one younger sister )

has very obsessive tendencies when it comes to most things

only his family calls him nathaniel he’ll blow a mafuckin gasket if anyone else calls him anything other than nate or nathan

bisexual + bilingual + bitter

quick rundown

nathan grew up in an upper class family in boston , massachusetts where his mother is a bank teller and his father is a philosophy professor at boston university.

even before the adelson children were born , their futures were already planned out for them ; the eldest would become a doctor , the middle would follow in their fathers footsteps , and the youngest was to do somethin creative.

all throughout his childhood and teen years nathan played hockey , baseball , and lacrosse but found himself getting really into film and film production during early teen years. however , it was never something he was able to fully pursue due to his parents wishes for him.

both his father and older brother are van patten u alum and both were also in armitage intentions which is why nathan is there as well.

honestly his childhood was pretty uneventful and he was super lucky to get out as easily as he did. his entire future may have been planned for him but he knows there are people who have it way way worse.

hes always been super interested in the existence aspect of philosophy and more-so wants to study consciousness and what happens after you die. 

he has this whole thing where he hates bein alone but also cherishes it at the same time.

he likes to generally be in control of most things and is easily irritated when things start to go off-course or when they don’t go his way at all ... spoiled rich kid come thru !

he def has that douchey frat-like attitude i know ... fookin disgosting !

hes the type that’ll use peoples worst fears and weaknesses against them in order to get what he wants.

he suffers a lot with insomnia and really severe nightmares but he isn’t sure what exactly they stem from. because of this he often abuses prescription meds.

plot ideas

ANYTHING ANGSTY — y’all been knew i love me some angsty ass connections ... bring the pain ! for some reason my ass always gets bored when things go too good for my muses so i gotta have a lil bit of a shitstorm. 

TEAMMATES / BROTPS / HATESHIPS — literally throw anything platonic my way and i’ll slurp that shit up ! i’m always open to some good old fashioned brotps where they can talk shit and be assholes together. this would be extra cool for him and anyone else in armitage intentions js ! enemies are also high up on the list cause nate is bound to clash with people cause of his dumbass mouth so if you’re ever feelin up for a fight then hmu ;)

ROOMMATE(S) — i currently have it that nate is shacked up in ainsworth hall so if your character is there too then lets work somethin out ?

EXPERIMENT ? — if you’ve ever watched flatliners then yanno where i’m goin with this lol. since nate is super interested in existence and what happens after you die , hes been slowly learning things about how the brain works from his doctor brother as well as doin his own research. obviously not just anyone would let a dumbass 19 yr old experiment on them so if you’ve got a sorta naive muse and would be down for this that’d be sick ! he hasn’t hit the ‘ stopping their heart ‘ portion yet but he’ll def get there eventually.

ROMANCE — who says romance is dead yanno ? exes , friends with benefits , first loves , toxic back and forths , etc etc ... i’m not gonna deny the fact that i think shipping is fun so sue me ig ? i’m really open to whatever lol but i’m also not peeved and obviously don’t need a ship to have fun in an rp don’t get it twisted shister !

i know i’m forgettin something but ... a binch got a fried brain so this’ll have to do for now ! js y’all should smash that mf heart if you wanna chat or plot or both or anything in between and i’ll come to you or you can just hmu doesn’t matter. fyi you don’t have to fill any of the plots above they were just some that i could think of but i’m literally a dumb bitch so theres that ? i’d be happy to try and fill any of your wcs so thats that on that !

[treehugginglibrarian]

“I love you, honey”

“You don’t have to worry about the house, grandma. It’ll be taken care of.” 

“I mean, I’m sure it will. The next owners will do what they have to do.” 

“No grandma, it won’t have ‘next owners.’ Its next owner is going to be me. And Lesia. It’s all been decided already. Eric and Rana are both completely okay with it. And obviously my dad is okay with it.”

“You want the house? But… but why do you want the house?”

“Because it’s the only serious constant I’ve ever known. Throughout every part of my life I have visited my grandparents in that house. It’s in a beautiful part of the country where Lesia and I can live happily and still have space. And it’s big enough that the whole family can congregate there if they want. And they will. It’s the homestead. I want it.” 

My grandmother tried not to make it obvious she was nearly crying. But sitting in a Friendly’s, barely eating her food as her appetite had long since disappeared, she was quite clearly touched by my desire to inherit the house my father had done most of his growing up in. 

When I told my dad I wanted the house, he was just relieved because it meant him and my Uncle Eric wouldn’t have to scramble to get it sell-worthy. We can take our time emptying it. Figuring out what needs to be kept, either in the house or with other people. We can take our time completely remaking it into a home befitting a couple with no children, too many animals, and a fondness for guest rooms. 

My father wouldn’t have to say goodbye to his childhood home even as he said goodbye to his parents, because his own child was going to take it. 

To my grandmother, my desire for her house was a sign that she had successfully made it a home not just for her own children, but for generations to come. My keeping it would ensure that all of us will congregate in it long after she is no longer watching tv in the basement, petting a cat, and diligently working on her cross-stitch. 

This wasn’t the last time I saw my grandmother, but it was the last time I had a truly meaningful conversation with her. By the next time I saw her, a time that would be the last, she had suffered a stroke that left her extremely tired and often uninterested or unable to carry on conversations of any real length. At that point, my grandfather had gotten so mean and nasty that my father had basically told the “kids” to say their goodbyes, because he wanted to spare us any further contact with his dad. Such is the curse of old age, I suppose. 

This last conversation with my grandmother followed the last time she ever set foot in one of her favorite spaces, Pleasant Valley Wildlife Sanctuary. My grandmother was obsessed with nature for basically her entire life. In an alternate universe where women her age were encouraged to do things other than teach and raise children, she was an environmental scientist who would have made quite a stink about the state of the planet. That’s not to say that the path that she took was any less impressive. 

She married young. At 18. To a man she had been dating for four years already. My grandfather joined the military pretty quickly, working with computers at a time when “computer” was a terrifying and hushed word that most people didn’t understand. They traveled a lot in those first years, and while my grandmother finished a degree in history and attempted teaching, in the end she found the profession rather loathsome for many of the same reasons today’s teachers often find it loathsome. 

She worked for intelligence agencies and was a member of the Women’s Army Corps, never giving much consideration to the fact that women weren’t supposed to work for intelligence agencies at that time. She raised three children, watched the family go through times of crisis and calm, and all the while she volunteered to help take care of the nature parks in her area. The woods were her refuge. To me, she always seemed happiest when she was watching birds and she was, for reasons that will always confound me, the type of lunatic who would wander onto her back porch to take photos of the black bear in the backyard. I’m still baffled that she never got eaten! 

So it was that, on every occasion possible, I would kidnap her and take her back to a place she had made my own stomping grounds when I was a child. Pleasant Valley. 

We walked that day. A lot. Particularly for someone who was in her 80s and had not-great knees. We talked about life. About my dad. About my grandfather’s forgetfulness. About my job. We talked about the bullfrogs we heard and she laughed at me for continuing my never-ending tree hugging spree. I think a part of me suspected it would be one of the last good days I would get with her, but the stroke that she had a few months later made me that much happier that I had that last day. 

I love my grandmother immensely. I will miss her with every fiber of my being. Her exasperated “LYNDSEY” when I’ve said something foolish, her frustrated “Well, what do you want?” when I’ve refused to tell her what we should have for dinner, and her quiet but firm “I love you, honey” said into the nape of my neck each time she hugged me goodbye. Her small but legible handwriting that is, to me, just a neater version of my father’s own messy scribbles.  

My relationship with my grandmother was fraught, though, and to pretend otherwise would be to lie. She was a complex woman and her relationships with most of us were, at times, complex. When I was around 16 years old, she looked at me wistfully and told me how lucky I was to be as pretty as I was. “Everything is so much easier for pretty people.” My grandmother was no slouch in her youth, sporting a trim figure, a curly bob, and a cupid’s bow that she continued to decorate with electric pink lipstick up until she stopped doing her make-up. 

Despite this fact, I took the comment to heart. It took YEARS for me to accept that I had, in fact, made it through anything successfully on my own merits. Even in my early relationships, I often found myself questioning what the interest or the intent was. Did they like me because they liked me, or because getting a partner was simply easier when you were pretty? What my grandmother likely meant as a one-off, half-assed, compliment, turned out to be an emotional scar that took a literal decade to shake. 

She was also the only member of my immediate family to ever put pressure on me to have children and, for some time, I resented visits with her because of this. My grandfather was indifferent, but my grandmother was quite insistent that the genetic line needed to continue. Apparently, I was the mandatory continuer of that line. Her nagging never brought this to fruition and I know, as she told my mother as much, that she died at least a little bitter about this fact. 

Yet, despite an inability to accept the modern notion of a child-free woman, she had no trouble accepting the idea that I was marrying a woman. My grandparents both met my spouse rather early on in our relationship, with my grandmother concluding quite rightly, “Wait? You can’t be gay. You would never waste your time on men just to please society. That’s not you. Do you like both? You must like both. Oh. To have such options!” My grandmother, jealous of bisexuals, even if she did think we all needed to have children! 

Intensely well traveled, it’s safe to say my grandparents are probably where I got my fondness for world exploration, even if the traveling I did with them was limited to the general regions our family lived in at various points in time. She died having never made it to Australia, something she regretted up until she lost interest in regretting such things. Perhaps this is one of the reasons my father had such an intense interest in the nation that, ten years ago, I dragged him there with me. I will forever remain grateful that she made it to the Galapagos, and I can only hope my own dreams of Antarctica can be as well fulfilled. 

My grandmother was someone with whom I had everything and nothing in common. I am very similar in personality to my father, her oldest son, a fact that has become ever more apparent as I have gotten older. She loved my dad a nearly irrational amount, which in many ways likely drove her love for me, and her tolerance of my eternal shenanigans. She was always intrigued by whatever new ink or piercings I had acquired since our last visit, and sincerely wished that it was “acceptable” for “old people” to get tattoos. I’ve no idea what she would have gotten, but I tried to talk her into it at least a dozen times! 

During my time in the military, my grandparents were my rocks in every single way. They constantly mailed me care packages in which tootsie rolls were used as packing peanuts (remarkably effective) and I have quite a collection of cards and letters from both my grandmother and their friends. It is quite possible their never ending supply of Ding Dongs and Yankee Doodles single-handedly added inches to some of my troops’ waistlines! 

They lived only three hours from Fort Drum, so whether I needed to escape an unsavory personal situation or just wanted to get away from work for a long weekend, I had a built in bed-and-breakfast complete with a side of grandmother-that-spoils-me-rotten a short jaunt from my home. My boss while I was at Brigade was so amused by my visits to their house that she would often kick me out of work early on those evenings, saying “you only have your grandparents for so long. Go enjoy them while they’re here, dammit.” 

One particularly memorable trip saw my drive there interrupted by a call to my grandmother, with me in hysterics. I had passed a veal farm on the drive and the little bitty cow shelters were significantly more than I could handle. I completely broke down and called their house both so they would know I was running late and so my grandmother could calm me down. When I arrived, she told me she’d called Hancock Shaker Village and arranged for me to go pet the baby cows there the next day. That was the type of grandmother she was- you were never too old to be scooped up and treated like you were still her baby.

One of my last trips down there while I was living Upstate, it was my grandmother who made me see the light regarding an emotionally abusive boyfriend. “Honey, you don’t have to be with someone just to be with someone. I know I tell you I want you to find someone because I think it will make you happy. And that’s true. But someone who makes you unhappy is a significantly worse idea than happiness by yourself.” Less than a month later I dumped him and never looked back. 

My wardrobe is populated by vintage items I have inherited from her, my jewelry is speckled with the sparkles she has given me over the years, and my kitchen is eternally rainbow colored because she and my grandfather are who ensured I eventually received the Fiesta Ware I had wanted since I was a child. I routinely eat off actual silverware that I liberated from their kitchen during one visit and polished to a proper shine. I know, I’m a terrible Millennial. 

My grandmother died on February 6 and a little bit of light left the world with her. I know, though, that she got the ending she wanted. She wasn’t in a nursing home. She hadn’t spent the last year of her life, following a stroke at the end of 2018, cooped up and surrounded by doctors and nurses. She had lived the remainder of her months on her terms, or as close to it as she could. By the time she left us, she was tired. She was routinely in pain. She was having trouble staying awake for any length of time or eating any real amount of food. It was time for her to go. 

I’m glad she’s at peace, and intensely happy that I was given the opportunity to make as many memories with her as I was, well into my adulthood. I haven’t the foggiest what happens to people after they leave us, and won’t pretend that I really think it’s all that much. My grandmother, though, will live for me forever. Larger than life, loudly screaming at my grandfather “PERC! Will you turn that down!” and eternally telling me, “I love you, honey.”  

Dawn Marie Williams, somewhere in Minnesota, circa 1991. Fiercely loved by her granddaughter then, now, and always. Rest easy, grandma. You taught us well.