#also if im remembering correctly she has been a little in the text

[lovecatsys]

I think Sofia Mantega needs to be just a tiiiny little bit fucked up. like she's not a Bad person or whatever but i think she needs to occasionally do something that's a little questionable. this just makes her more fun and interesting.

[mmmmulbery]

mer au alkaloid + kohaku maybe? if you can?

thank you for asking !! because this might be a lot of text ill leave it under a read more (it iS a lot of text.)

Alkaloid is currently split up but theyll find their way back together soon!! currently Tatsumi and Aira work at Ocean Ensemble Square's Mer rescue HQ

Tatsumi used to be an executive but after sustaining major injury and limb loss he now works as a sanctuary guide

- for context: OES is divided into a few layers, one of which is a huge main floor sanctuary level that stretches a few floors deep to allow for giant tanks containing involatile mer (think of it like PKMN sun moon's Aether Paradise but larger and slightly more horrifying)

- eichi's got 2 offices (one above water and another underwater), & some areas of OES are walled off unless you have a permit and are armed; the underwater sanctuary tanks are located to be visible from eichis office

Tatsumi also carries a weapon + a mer disabling device on him! He's abt 34.. (?) ish and used to be friends w Jun (and mer!hiyori) as kids -> tatsumi was the one who inspired jun to become a sea captain! i don't trust myself to write these guys as much as I do fine but i'm trying --- Aira is everyone's favourite unpaid intern -> child who idolized this whole operation, working out at sea, everything about it -> dropped out of uni (he's what. 22?) to come work here for lodging expenses. He's not winning but at least he's friend's with yuzuru (im citing the singular line in keito lecture where yz was asked 2 go get food w the rest of them and then stayed back to help keito clean up (?) this was in yuzuru's feature scout) Aira and eichi enjoy a very similar interaction basis as they have in Branco's chapters involving them -- "i was like that, i love someone who used to be like that, but i dont know if you'll be as fortunate as the two of us" [extremely paraphrased] (this was eichi about him and tori IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY)

Aira is also friends w branco! (they help him through a lot of stuff)

He's in HR with Anzu (HR MANAGER shes been here for 4 years and has another 3 on the contract let her OUT) which means shredding complaints from business Executive Ibara Saegusa and Security Head Keito Hasumi on a daily basis (complaints about a certain dark blue haired mer and a light blue haired mer respectively)

Aira also has walked in on a few too many situations he never wants to see again + OES halloween party -> ibara carries a water gun, chiaki starts handing out inflatable amongus suits.

---

Mayoi lives in the OES tank connection system and eichi simply lets it happen because mayoi isnt a) seemingly a threat and b) eichi lets izumi "mer aren't real" sena stay as a paid employee i think eichi's more than willing to see what'll happen as long as it's not a huge downprofit to the company -> sena is not half bad at his job and when tourists catch a glimpse of mayoi they get very excited! (mayoi is the one of the non sedated mer in the area, and he moves faster than most of them + very pretty tail) Tatsumi is one of the sanctuary feeders so he makes sure mayoi gets a fair share too!

side note: mer get more fish-like as you go farther down the sea level + size attribution! mayoi is in a situation where he looks mostly human because of his size and shape (ex. tori's look are modeled after those fish with huge eyes, while wataru's is SUPPOSED to be modeled more after one of those sharks with the giant mouths)

--- Hiiro and Kohaku are pirates on Jun's ship!! Jun's crew are more or less illegal sailors so we're just gonna call them pirates so I can dress them up in frilly clothing; hiiro is of mer blood -> small little scales that he doesn't know how to properly treat and therefore fall off as he just. wraps it in fabric -> Jun is a good captain also hes jun he forces hiiro to actually take care of himself better (im going off the whole thing where hiiro dances extremely well but doesn't really mind harming himself (?) through extremely rough movement (believe4leaves hiiro part) and hiiro's mentality of following what he's learned throughout his life until something else comes along and tells him otherwise -> as a kid having to cover up scales -> still doing it until jun convinces him that it's ok and he's not going to get hunted here for that Kohaku is an ex-mer hunter ^-^ maybe he has something to do with HiMERU ^-^ He also pens to Aira via pigeon mail every so often, and aira mails back using the pigeon coop at OES' top level! At one point (after hiiro no longer sheds off broken scales) kohaku ends up securing one of hiiro's naturally fallen off scales in the pigeon mail to aira! Aira wears it as a necklace

And to answer how kohaku and hiiro are doing -> badly! They are currently shipwrecked because some (very large) green mer has decided their captain is hot /hj

Bonus about the whole pirate shipwreck situation: Jun has been living around mer for the past 7 years & tatsumi was the one who gave him a love of the sea bc tatsumi knew so much about it!! Everytime jun would visit OES (he lived in the closest to seaside village) he'd talk for hours with tatsumi (volunteer at the time) at the dock -> and mer!hiyori, who was part of the beauty, who was always in the distance +

hiyori who didn't talk to jun but swam little circles around under their feet and then after that day slinked away and did not return to see them again -> tatsumi goes to check for hiyori every day for half a year at the edge of the OES docks & jun comes with when he can

hiyori is staring at them out of sight; they are little children, missing eachother already (i'd estimate tatsumi is around 17 here, and jun is 14?)

Jun doesn't exactly recognize Hiyori at first either but she recognizes him! kohaku once again metaphorically gets kicked out of his own room

[addoration]

hey! what's this odyssey retelling that everyone is so heated about? no one is saying its name/the author's name in their posts or tags and i can't find it on google. thanks😅

the author's name is sarah underwood and i believe? the upcoming book's name? is "lies we sing to the sea" - it claims to be a "sapphic and feminist retelling of the odyssey."

idk how much you know but there was an interview a while back circulating (which has been since taken down so i can't link it) where she claimed that she hadn't read the whole source text (ie the odyssey) and ofc that got people upset because how can you claim to write a quality retelling if you don't even know the whole of the material? i mean, sure, you could argue that you only need to read the parts relevant to the retelling - but lets be honest: everything informs and connects to everything else. the context is important. everything is so inter-connected and holistic that i personally believe that to not read the whole source material when writing a retelling of it is foolish. i understand that the text can be daunting and a bit inaccessible, particularly if one doesn't have a background in classics or if one is using a verse/older translation. however there are multiple guides out there that help make it more easy to break into, plus audiobooks on youtube exist i believe! imo there is literally no excuse.

im pretty sure i rb'ed a post a while ago with screenshots from the interview but i can't find it on my blog now, so i don't think i tagged it :/ but if i remember correctly? she also admitted to reading and keeping up with what sells well, with the implication that she's writing in a similar style/genre simply in order to make money. n i mean - i get it! authors need to live too. but i personally found her easy admittance of this fact a bit of a suggestion that she doesn't really care about what she's writing, and simply wants to make money off it. the fact that she hasn't fully read the odyssey doesn't help her case. is she really passionate about this project? does she really care about what she's trying to say?

also as the previous post ive rb'ed states, there have been multiple stories as well as scholarship focusing on women in the odyssey and what underwood is doing is not completely original. which again - fine! very little these days is. but if youre gonna put something out into an already saturated market, shouldn't you want to put out your very best, your passion project, something that youre 100% proud and happy with? idk man but if i were her, id be nervous and feeling like i haven't done my best.

anyway, you didn't ask for commentary but you got it regardless. sorry to clog your dashes haha ive said my piece and am happy to just ignore the existence of underwood and her retelling from here on out.

[vegetalass]

hcs of the gang being quarantined in one big house together maybe?? 🥺 lub ur writing

i lub u, anon!!🥺 sorry this took forever!

General 

Oh my godddddddddd

They had to stop doing movie nights because there was too much fighting 

They tried to set it up such that everyone got a turn to pick a movie but there were still complaints

Now, movies are viewed at random and the policy is that 

1. The TV is first come first serve

2. You have to announce when you’re using it

3. Anyone is allowed to join you 

This has stemmed into multiple people shouting “IM WATCHING _____” at random times

And yes, people will try to hide the remote (mostly Sean)

If they can find it, that is

The lines between public and private property have been blurred. Everything must be labeled or there is a chance someone will take it 

You can risk it, but it’s not recommended since they’re all dudes and will most likely eat anything 

And even with your name on a box of graham crackers, there’s still a chance someone will stick their hand it in and steal a few

All the dudes walk around in their Long Johns like it’s not awkward

They have to do their own laundry so everyone is missing socks

Or they have extras

And wet laundry is constantly being left on the ground if it’s unattended and someone needs the washer 

Arthur

This dude double dips 

He licks the spoon and puts it back in, too 

Gets yelled at a lot for this, but never remembers to stop

Everybody is afraid to touch all of the dips now because of this 

And Hosea has to start buying separate ones just for Arthur

He’s the one who takes 3 hour baths 

I imagine that there’s multiple bathrooms in the house but not enough for everyone so there are definitely times when people are like “WTF, Arthur you’re still in there?” or “Where’s Arthur?” 

Usually it’s Charles or John because they don’t mind sharing a bathroom with each other 

Cue Arthur having accidentally fallen asleep in the tub 

But yea he’s just chilling in there, otherwise

Started the quarantine off by trying to fix up the house… But immediately got lazy

There’s probably a number of things he keeps saying that he’ll “get to, eventually”

The only reason Dutch hasn’t called someone is because it’s a PANDEMIC

Technologically challenged 

Barely knows how to turn on the TV and still uses an iPhone 5 that has pretty much stopped working

John has given up trying to explain how to make things fullscreen on YouTube

Because of this, probably spends most of his time wandering around the yard and reading or journaling

Tilly even bought him some scrapbooking supplies, which he’s been trying to use 

Little washi tapes and highlighters because she knows it can’t get too complicated too fast 

She also makes him an Instagram account so he can take photos or post art

But figuring out how it works is a losing battle, and he never remembers to use it, anyway 

“I think we should get a pet” 

Everyone: “Arthur... Do we look like we take care of ourselves? 

If anyone tries to talk about how annoying the quarantine is, starts ranting about people who refuse to take it seriously

And the conversation ends up spiraling into him blaming capitalism for everything

John 

Every other meal he eats is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or Doritos

He does that thing where he wraps a bowl or plate in plastic wrap so he doesn’t have to wash it 

Doesn’t clean up after himself

Leaves used tissues, slimy butter knives with PB on them, and crusty socks laying around 

Unluckiest of them all 

His snacks get taken the most, the bathroom is always occupied when he needs it, never gets to use the TV, his laundry is always moved, etc. 

Always ends up using the bathroom when there’s no toilet paper

Texts Arthur for help and then makes an announcement in the group chat about “common courtesy” 

Nobody replies

His texts are full of messages to Abigail that all say the same thing

“Help.” + “Please come get me” + “I hate it here”

They’re all left on read except for the occasional response asking if he needs anything from Target

The list he sends back is like four paragraphs long and it’s all dumb stuff 

He’s like “FaceTime me when you get there, I wanna go shopping too”

Doesn’t even really want to leave the house for necessities, so he has to do stuff like water down his soaps or steal other people’s toiletries just to prolong how often he needs to go shopping for himself

He’s the one using Irish Spring from the dollar store mixed with water or a block of orange Dial soap that hasn’t been touched in five years 

Charles tries to throw away an empty hand soap and John is like “THERE’S STILL SOAP IN THERE LOOK” *mixes water with it* 

Steals razors and Shampoo 

Thinks conditioner is “unnecessary” and “doesn’t do anything” 

Complains about being bored but doesn’t bother to do the things people that people offer

Charles 

Voluntarily becomes a recluse 

Not because he wants to but because everyone else is too annoying to deal with 

He’s forced to start using the internet and when he’s not on the computer he’s trying to block out the noise of the 8 other men he lives with just living 

Going on walks is his other hobby

Also probably buys one of those adult coloring books to color

Like Athur, Charles hogs the bathroom 

It’s not as bad as Arthur since he’s not in the tub for the whole time but he really will spend an hour getting ready in the morning for absolutely no reason 

If anyone asks about it he just tells them that since they’re in quarantine there’s no reason to rush 

But he does get yelled at if there’s no other bathrooms available 

Becomes a self-care connoisseur 

Walks around in a bathrobe and face mask just to try and achieve some sort of zen 

Literally the only one who doesn’t walk around half naked

Besides Hosea, the one of the only guys who tries to wake up on time and eat three healthy meals a day 

The house is entirely dark and he’s eating toast while Hosea makes coffee 

It’s awkward, not because they’re weird about each other but because no one else is awake and it’s quiet for once 

Dutch is the third person up and Charles leaves the kitchen by the time he’s around 

Gave up trying to do the dishes and only cleans what he uses

Sometimes if he feels like being nice he’ll do Arthur’s dishes, too 

But only if he gets something back in return, like Arthur doing his laundry or something

The only one who changes his bedsheets on the regular

Him and Kieran are the only ones trusted by Hosea to leave the house safely 

Micah 

Everyone is surprised Micah isn’t dead yet

Everyone is constantly fed up with him for something or for just being irritating 

And try to ignore him for the most part, which is hard

Tries to defends himself with “Well, you don’t have to bother me if you don’t want to” 

Doesn’t clean up after himself, either

John leaves more mess, but Micah does worse stuff 

While John just leaves his dirty peanut butter knives around, Micah does stuff like forget to put the mayo back in the fridge, leave the bread bag out and open, forgets to bring his used dishes to the dishwasher, throws his trash in other people’s trash cans, leaves his wet laundry in the dryer, etc. 

If it’s annoying and gross, he does it 

And tries to eat food that other people have made for themselves or don’t want to share with him 

Dutch is the only one who shares with him willingly

Does not pick up his hair from the bottom of the shower

And doesn’t clean the sink after he shaves

Honestly, I doubt any of the drains in the house work properly because so much shaving goes on 

It’s honestly surprising to everyone that he takes the quarantine seriously 

Accuses people of being sick even though all of them have barely left the house… 

Wears a mask inside when he’s feeling salty 

He doesn’t even care about the mask, it’s just to make people feel gross and bad about themselves

Besides Sean, he’s always trying to hog the TV

And everything he watches is annoying, pretentious, or both

Complains about there being “nothing to watch” despite always having something on and refusing to stop

Tries to smoke inside and literally always get busted for it

Even if other people are doing it too, he’s the one who doesn’t even bother to be by a window when he does it

His room is always off limits 

If you need something from him you need to knock and wait in the doorway

Also does the “You’re too close… Step back, please” thing

And if anyone gets mad, says it’s a pandemic and he’s just trying to be SAFE

Mostly does this to feel powerful

Turns in to Uncle Jr. with all the complaining and berating he does

Uncle is honestly offended

Hosea

The only person allowed to do the shopping 

He gave up trying to give people lists because the groceries they came back with were never right 

Either too few, too many, not the right stuff... You name it 

See here for more

That’s why, despite being the oldest, he’s the one who goes grocery shopping for meals twice a week 

Refuses to buy alcohol because of incidents that they’ve had

Can’t stop people from sneaking it, though

Similar to Dutch in that he gets annoyed when people oversleep, but because its quarantine, he tries to not mention it, and at the worst, gets passive aggressive 

Tries to make a chore chart for people to follow but it gets ignored

He ends up having to force people to do things by reminding them constantly 

He’s the one who starts opening people’s doors in the morning and turning on the lights

Makes everybody start eating on paper plates with plastic silverware because he’s tired of trying to make people use the dishwasher 

Arthur doesn’t know how, John doesn’t put his plates in the right place, Charles refuses to since no one else contributes to keeping it neat, Micah doesn’t even know they have one, Kieran also can’t fill it correctly... 

Basically, it’s too much for Hosea to handle 

His dinners are all Costco pre-made meals that can be made quickly 

Frozen lasagna and prepackaged salad type stuff 

He’s the guy who falls asleep on the couch sitting up while watching TV and if you try to talk to him he says “I’m awake” without opening his eyes

And if he’s using it, don’t even think about suggesting to change the channel 

The answer is and always will be no

Even when he’s not really paying attention

And it’s either on the History Channel or Discovery Channel

Always complaining about how cold his feet are

Doesn’t let anyone touch the thermostat

He’s an in real life Elf on the Shelf

Dutch 

If anyone, and I mean anyone starts sleeping in, he gets in a really pissy mood 

“While I’m up, doing work for you, you’re sitting in bed being lazy!!!” and “What do you mean you don’t understand why! Why should I have to tell you why wasting the day is annoying to all those who are working!” 

Even despite this, he can’t actually change the fact that no one wakes up on time

And it’s not like the work he’s doing for them is very important

He’s the one who thinks that a pandemic is the perfect time to be or do something useful

Eat healthy, write a book, pump iron… Anything

And when people complain about being useless he’s like “You have all this free time!!!1! Stop complaining!!! You can do anything!!!” 

And if he’s doing something he considers useful, yells at people who try to bother him 

Arthur: “Hosea wanted to know-”

Dutch: *doing sit ups* “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?” 

When it’s his turn to cook dinner, he’s making 8 boxes of Trader Joe’s mac and cheese in a huge pot and calling a meal

Literally the only meal no one complains about 

He won’t clean the pot when it’s finished, though

Literally just cooks and leaves it out for someone else to deal with

Another self-care aficionado 

Also walks around in a bathrobe and face mask 

He’s worse than Charles though, because while Charles wears pants... Dutch will be booty ass naked under his 

Also keeps trying to make homemade masks and scrubs and walks around in those, too 

He’s like “This is a good one, I can tell already” 

Everyone: “Dutch... is that... mayo... in your hair?”

Annoyingly good at monopoly

Does not invite Molly over and gets yelled at over FaceTime

Cue everyone eavesdropping on their arguments

Goes on power walks

Yells at people when they listen to loud music with swear words 

Honestly, always yelling at people

“Can somebody get me my slippers? Arthur? John? Hosea? AnYoNe!!!”

Kieran 

Spends the least time in the bathroom because he’s afraid of getting yelled at 

Does everything in five minute increments 

Except for showers, when he allows himself ten minutes

Barely 

Most of what he eats is just microwave popcorn and shredded cheese

He’s the one asking people if they want to go on “family walks” with him

Literally no one joins him 

Also tries to play board games with everyone

This goes a little better at least because Hosea will sometimes play and if he’s there, a few people will definitely join 

Very bad at monopoly

The most conscious about wearing a mask 

The others wear them but Kieran is the one who wears double masks, gloves, and carries around Febreeze 

Also will get mad if anyone forgets their “safety equipment” 

Or if they’re within six feet of him in public

Props to him though for staying healthy 

I’ve mentioned this before, but... Spends most of his time playing games on a big tablet wearing headphones

Candy Crush and FarmVille and Words with Friends and stuff like that

Though all of his internet friends are weird old ladies he doesn’t know 

Everyone is mad at him for sending non-stop game notifications, too

Hosea is the only one who responds to any of them 

He’ll never admit this, though

Also tries to start doing arts and crafts 

Mary-Beth started telling him about the various crafts she’s been doing, so he’s started trying to follow along, too 

Things like crocheting or popsicle stick art 

His stuff all looks bad, but he’s just happy to be doing it

And to be FaceTiming Mary-Beth

When he gets to choose a movie, he’s picking a “family-friendly” movie like Inside Out or Lilo and Stitch 

Everyone starts out being mad but they all end up watching the whole thing without complaining 

Heated debates ensue, too 

For example, like about whether Flynn should’ve cut Repunzel’s hair in Tangled 

“YOU’RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I’M WRONG?” 

Charles + Arthur vs. Dutch + Bill

Makes meatloaf or Hamburger Helper like once a week

They’re basically the only thing he knows how to make 

Sides with Arthur when he suggests getting a pet

Wears a Snuggie 

Doesn’t change his socks 

Javier

Plays his own music very loudly and won’t turn it off or down if you ask 

Either that or he’s practicing guitar 

It’s not really that bad but when you can’t escape it.... People get mad 

The only saving grace is that the singing is usually in Spanish so it’s not as bothersome

The door to his room is always closed

Refuses to open it

To talk to him, you have to knock and then he’ll exit

Dutch is the only one allowed in and he thinks Javier’s rules about entering are creepy so never does it

Javier cooks his own food and won’t share

Only makes enough for exactly one person so even if he wanted to, there’s not enough

Eats dinner in his room to prevent people from bothering him or asking for some

However, he has the biggest stash of quarantine snacks… 

No one knows where he gets them

And getting him to share is like trying to do a drug deal, but he’s not against it as long as he gets something in return 

He didn’t personally cook all these snacks so the rules are different 

His room is full of scented candles to make it smell better since the whole house kinda smells like Boy 

Buys a gamer chair at the start of quarantine 

Claims it’s more comfortable than the office chair that Dutch and Hosea chose for everyone

Everyone is jealous

Wears fuzzy pajama pants only 

Sean

Sean is the one sleeping in

Never sleeps in his bed and just falls asleep wherever, basically

Usually the couch

Because he’s always snoozing, he’s the one who watches the most TV

Micah claims this isn’t “fair,” despite doing the same thing

And even if he’s not watching TV, he’s just using the couch to watch Tik Toks full volume 

Tries to make his own Tik Toks, but they either stink or no one wants to participate

Constantly having people get mad at him for recording them 

Stopped wearing clothes the moment quarantine started

Always in a tank top and his underpants 

It’s kinda weird 

People cared at first but by now they can’t be bothered to complain since they’re 

1. Used to it 

2. Probably start doing the same thing

Leaves his laundry laying around

Also won’t share anything he’s eating 

Gets mad when people steal food

Doesn’t address anyone in particular though, just walks around yelling about how “nobody has the common decency not to steal” 

Has food delivered almost every other day 

No one knows where he’s getting the money from, either

Everyone think it’s a waste

Mostly because he doesn’t share, but also because all hell broke loose when Hosea found out about an expense called “delivery fees” 

Also has a stick up his ass about wasting food 

Started yelling about this randomly, too 

If he can’t force someone else to finish leftovers, he forces himself to finish them 

Probably gets caught watching a certain type of nasty video a lot

Lowkey it probably happens to everybody at least once

Yells at anti-maskers 

Tries to wrestle the other boys and gets his ass handed to him

Bill

Possessive of everything 

Usually he’s not this bad but being cooped up with a bunch of thieves and liars doesn’t make him confident that his Circus Animal cookies will last very long 

Doesn’t share anything and very adamant about making sure there’s labels on things so nothing gets mixed up

Also makes his own space in the fridge with tape 

BILL’S SPACE DO NOT TOUCH 

And will start yelling in anything is moved 

Not as bad as Sean though because he only cares about his own stuff

The whole thing is super hypocritical though, because he definitely steals other people’s stuff

If he gets caught, claims “it’s only fair” 

Hosea has to buy him soap because he won’t buy it himself

Definitely the one who learns how to make prison hooch with cranberry juice and yeast

And the one who eats all of the ice cream 

Even the nasty flavors 

Wears the same clothes everyday because since he’s not working, “they’re not dirty” 

They start getting holes in them, though

If anyone tries to suggest something for him to do, he gets mad and claims he “knows how to entertain himself”

Also constantly accusing people of being in his space or business 

Ends up starting a ton of fights over this and then complaining about how mean everyone is to him 

He’s not doing it on purpose, though 

Ends up buying some kind of gaming console to pass the time

If he buys an Xbox, he shares with the rest of the boys

If he buys a nintendo switch, he starts playing Animal Crossing and doesn’t put it down for weeks 

Out of everyone… He’s the one who takes the pandemic the least serious 

He follows the rules because he doesn’t want to be eaten alive by any of the boys, but he probably thought the virus was a hoax at first 

He learned his lesson the first time he tried to go out without a mask and got locked in the car, though

Forgets to flush the toilet 

His room is dirty

[fruitylibrarian]

quest of the spear live rewatch!

i already spewed my pre call to adventure flynn thoughts all over a text post but I would like to repeat: pre-canon flynn my beloved <3

yes he is a bit of a bastard but he just loves his books and he’s so genuinely just like. passionate and like…. Big? does that make sense? like i mean inside. not literally. bright

flynn’s mom is so fucking funny

and she’s Trying Her Best

you know one thing I don’t understand, I assume that flynn could afford to keep going to college because of like grants and scholarships since he’s all smart and like, even if his mom is well off, no one below the morally bankrupt millionaire line can pay for 22 degrees and not die of no-money-itis otherwise known as Starving

but like. why not become a professor or some other academia position?

you’d be incredibly overqualified and you’re a white dude, so while academia isn’t exactly bursting with new spaces to fill I’m sure you could find something???? and like. a professor in particular, while baby flynn might not be great at the connection part, seems like a natural progression to at least try for considering it keeps you in that comfort zone and familiar space just in a different albeit familiar role, and allows you to go on long lectures people can’t interrupt. and like, professors literally like, part of their job is research and to continue learning, so like. it seems like the natural choice for him to go for?

don’t get me wrong, baby flynn in particular might not be extremely well suited considering his lack of people skills, but plenty of professors are brilliant slightly odd smarties who give long, super engaging theatrical lectures (sounds like him!) but suck at one on one meetings and talking to people or may be accidentally insulting, but like, their class is genuinely interesting and they grade decently so like, I think he could get past that hurdle is what I’m saying

obviously he’d have to work at it and get the skills necessary but you know what that means? MORE SCHOOL, BABY! just in a different direction! like just? it seems like the obvious choice for his situation

ah yes!!! magic letter!!! it’s kind of funny they do this, it’s a great hook and way to make applicants go Uh Excuse Me and want to know more but also like, there’s no proof magic happened either?

although you’d think some people would get obsessive like let me tell you if i encountered real ass magic like that i wouldn’t stop until i had an answer

ah the Incredibly Long Interview Line. it’s kinda how funny how like. Not Special he is but at the same time he is?

“never been treated so badly in my entire life!” what did you say to him charlene

i’m sure he deserved it i just want to know

wait oh no i just realized

all these people are dead

every single one of them got murdered in the first episode of the series

jesus that’s dark

not gonna be able to stop thinking about that one huh

also love how it’s pretty evenly men and women

although it’s still mostly white

fuck that lady just left crying I know they’re doing this to turn up the drama but DAMN, charlene

god he almost gave up. remember the timeline episode where he never became the librarian? weird.

Gkjlfkgjhfglh Where Do You Think You’re Going? (weak gesture like “me?”) Yes You. Get In Here amazing how can she even see him she’s around the CORNER. camera? magical surveillance? why? just to freak people out? amazing.

i do so love charlene, it’s a shame she wasn’t in the show more

also she literally never explains shit. What Makes You Think You Can Be The Librarian he doesn’t even know what that means, charlene

He Doesn’t Even Have A Library Science Degree

oh wow he does actually have librarian qualifications lmao

why did i not remember that

DLKFGJDFG I did remember him sherlocking her tho

wait her MARRIAGE? to WHO?

i thought her and judson were a thing despite jenkins being into her or something?

huh

also why does this qualify him to be The Librarian™ like oh he can sherlock? ok?

maybe it’s just bc he had the balls to do it

well, the sherlock thing is also not completely unhelpful it just doesn’t seem central to his skills, or at least, not the way he uses it (do we see him use it like this again? he usually applies more obscure knowledge then ye classic deduction sherlockian skills if I remember correctly which I may not because my brain is smooth)

judson is such a fucking drama queen

LKDJFGLKDJFGLDKFJG I FUCKING FORGOT HE LITERALLY JUST FUCKING REPEATED HIS MOM’S LITTLE PHRASE AMAZING

also why did he seem to think her sending everyone home meant he didn’t get it why would she stop all interviews because you fucked up

he just fucking walked out of a wall judson you are so dramatic

also warehouse 13 vibes huh. welcome to a world of endless wonder

I could do a whole fucking thesis on warehouse 13 and the librarians or—well that’s a whole other tangent

anYWYA

this interview was remarkably easy tho, it’s not like he wasn’t impressive but it wasn’t mindblowing either????? this coming from a big fan of flynn

the big shiny wonderous eyes as the library lights up……flynn my beloved

also his floofy hair ldkfgjdlkfgj

he’s like this is too good am I being prank’d

why the mona lisa?????iIs the mona lisa magic??? It only became famous because it got stolen why would it be magic??? Is this one of those we make it magic by believing it or some shit things???

Flynn Do Not Open The Random Box In The Library Of Incredibly Dangerous Artifacts

oh hello excalibur !!

oh rip flynn immediately being like “oh im not worthy, trust me” with 100 percent certainty im hurt oof

KSJFLGKDJGLKDJG THE APPLE “the apple from the garden of eden…….” *judson takes a bite* “actually I just left this here”

excalibur hello properly!!!!

judson is such a fucking DRAMA QUEEN he’s so casual!! and cal you too you slippery bitch!  

ah the jetpack.

DLFKGJDLKFGJ “it usually takes a new librarian four hours to find the jetpack. you did it in three! congratulations” love the implication that every librarian (at least since it was added to the library) has done this no matter how serious like the bad guy of this movie… *checks notes* edware wilde? jetpack. darrington dare, probably? jetpack. i like to think jenkins did it too (not technically a librarian, but you know)

flynn thinking of himself as embarrassing… ☹

HIS MOM IS SO PROUD OF HIM

part sweet, part funny, part rip

I don’t know what she was expecting when he said librarian tho like. originally he literally looked at shit for FRY COOk degrees don’t always mean shit you know

and librarian is up there with professor in Perfect Jobs For Flynn like what did you expect??? Like even if he’d become an archaeologist (a “cool” job) it’s not like that pays super well either as far as I know??

he was never going to be Traditionally Successful

he’s still the same person he still has the same strengths and passions of course he would go into academia and do something like librarian like????? her reaction saddens me.

just be happy for him!! look at him!!!

ok first of all even normal non magic librarians don’t just put books on shelves and that’s a condescending reduction of the job, and second of all, he is so happy!! he has a job, he’s taking responsibility, he’s meeting people, isn’t that enough??? isn’t that literally what you wanted??? even if it WERE what you think it is why couldn’t it just be a good first step??? like??? fuck??? you did been know that he was doing all those fancy degrees because he loved them not because they’d get him some super fancy job??? I mean egyptology is not the most profitable field you know this isn’t med school or whatever

god.

flynn’s mom, visibly not proud and very upset: of course im proud of you!

ok im being a little unfair, she’s trying and clearly she’s been supportive of him, if not straight up enabling of him, but like this is clearly being presented as like. normal person who is normal forced to take care of freakish strange son who is so nerdy and strange and a loser and she is so tired of his shenanigans and all that WORK she put in and he’s NOT FANCY AND CHANGING TO CONFORM TO HER IDEALS OF A GOOD SUCCESSFUL SON/MAN?

and that’s just all very. sigh.

the snake brotherhood are such obnoxiously cheesy villainous villains they’re even called the snake brotherhood

also I think we’re supposed to recognize him as the previous librarian from the painting but if I didn’t already know that I for sure would not know that

smartass flynn is a smartass

I never got people bringing someone coffee to impress them unless they knew their order like there’s no way you know who she likes her coffee so you could so easily get it wrong—like even if you don’t know exactly how much sugar she wants, you could also just get it entirely wrong like assume she likes black coffee but she likes it super sweet, or vice versa, or whatever. it can go wrong so easily!

or she could go “I Hate A Kiss Ass”

she did take it anyway tho so.

ah i did forget (or just not actively think about) how much like… christian mythology there is in this show :/ I mean we did been knew (excalibur and arthurian legend are pretty important to the mythology)

not that christian mythology is inherently bad it just gets a) annoying, b) boring, and c) y’know, very western centric and all

but then trying to reconcile di—you know what that’s a tangent for another time

then again I do assume no one is going to read this

the library really does just throw new librarians into death and go “hope this is fine!” huh

did they just imply god is canon in the “the librarian” universe

you were so cryptic with the no one thing!! just say NOONE

he’s scribbling in his notebook and mumbling out loud what a mood and I love him. what a nerd

ldfkgjdlkjg god sexy jazz music and a breeze this is so dumb

I do hate the forced love interests in all these movies it’s always like Some Hot Girl Is There And They Get It On!

like he really had chemistry with eve and banter but here it kinda feels like that wish fulfilment and then the nerd gets the hot chick the end and im saying that as the nerd

it doesn’t help that each movie has a different one who immediately is dropped as if she never existed afterwards

maybe it’s not as bad as I remember but. sigh

my instant impression of her is to not like her sorry nicole :/

she’s just so rude? she’s like. hot (derogatory)

i get there’s gender politics here with like. she’s used to being treated like a piece of meat and generally like, why not reap the benefits when you are going to get the creeps too, but like, also she’s just so unnecessarily rude—I mean rejecting his clumsy flirting is one thing but you know—ok I won’t even get into that the point is I just don’t really like her that much even tho I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person or anything you know

but to be fair I think she got better and I remember her being compelling in her return to the show

and like. I do like how the trend in this franchise is “smart little nerd librarian and badass lady guardian kicks ass” but I do wish that it turned around occasionally. we do get cassandra but like. more lady librarians

wow an air marshal? aren’t they rarely even on flights?

sorry im being nitpicky there for sure lmao. please delete the cinamasins ding my words probably summoned from your brain

I get why shoving him out was necessary but also Wow

Gjklhkjfgh imagine sitting next to some mumbling nerd the whole flight and then you see him fly past the windows

LFKGJDLKJDFG he brilliantly lowers our expectations then jumps without a chute! remarkable!

hilarious or commentary on men getting credit for womens’ competency? why not both

i really thought that she was going to be a lying liar the first time I watched this

ah naïve boy. “uh that’s against the law”

flynn’s greatest strength isn’t just his knowledge but his like. breadth of different topics, just like, passion for learning of any time, and like. the ability to not just know a lot of different things but cross-reference and apply them to each other and use them in tandem to understand a greater whole

and we love that for him!

ah flynn therapizing himself lmao

why would she take him going “this bridge is rotting and physically cant support our weight” as a challenge

or him being cowardly like THE STRUCTURAL SUPPORTS ARE ROTTING

YEAH WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF COURSE HE FUCKING FELL

ok i lied i like nicole i just don’t love their dynamic

i get what they’re going for i just. not my thing

like with eve there was still a clear mutual respect? i guess? idk

maybe it’s just because i’m more sensitive to mean banter? i don’t like mean banter, even when it’s like, def 100 percent well meaning and not mean spirited and no one is actually offended or hurt

although despite not liking their Thing I do a) think it’s very cute how he looks at her, b) their vibe as they start to get to know each other is Better, c) the end of the movie scene where she rides in for maximum drama? now that was good shit.

oh he’s sherlocking her in a shy attempt to impress her but it’s only going to piss her off, right?

oh she’s just sherlocking him back

KSGFJLDKFGJ LMAO “nerd” and that’s it. fair

Cutting Off His Head damn that’s hardcore

hmmmm cringe,

and more cringe

and cringe.

her waking up to him gone right after telling that story about waking up to her librarian gone and then killed—oof

love the serpent brotherhood lady being like wow!! he’s SO COMPETENT!! (cuts to him screaming)

do these ancient traps just have infinite arrows?

also I do love the whole waltzing across trope what can I say im a sucker

DFLKGLDKFGJLDKJG fucking CHUCKS SOMETHING AT IT and immediately where he would be standing is crushed by a huge rock amazing

he literally just chucked a rock at it and it fell over

ah the classic “let the hero get it for us” move

oh there he is! rip

why does he look like macpherson

not really but kind of

also contrast between the lady always being like “omg the librarian is so smart” and him assuming nicole is the one who did the smart thing

“your tears were perfect” how much more of an asshole can you get

They really could have played him as more sympathetic—“oh, we’re always around these powerful artifacts but we never use them for good! I had to do it, I was sick of sitting back and doing nothing” or like “all those years of danger and guarding powerful things and what good did it ever do me? what do I get for my service?” or anything but nah hes just like “mm power good babes. anyway I love sex and being mean”

to be fair flynn he was the librarian too—a real librarian? I mean yeah edward was corrupted and ultimately failed his duties but he had to have been qualified and actually got the job for a reason

flynn I know you think you sound badass but you really don’t

god not shangri-la again. everything the show did with that was. Bad. yikes

why is—god, I should really learn her name [checks notes] lana fangirling so much?

also following the lamia tradition of “serpent brotherhood second in command who is more interesting than the main evil white guy and also a pretty woc” huh

never got like “this is literally impossible” “well do it or I [generic bad guy threat]” like usually that means nothing lmao

LDFKGJLDKFJLDKFGJ ok first of all god is me? bitch?

second of all. me in english? on this fucking ancient very much not english thing? I mean I guess a) it might not be literal, even though he did say “m, e” by letters, b) it is a christian myth so maybe planted later??? but like?????

dude. giving the super powerful artifact to your prisoner? bad idea. if you’re worried about booby traps have a minion do it.

oh yes your gun is so scary in the face of a temple collapsing

why do heroes always think the whatever is safer with them than the temple that’s guarded it for a thousand years

I get it’s been discovered but like. fuck. still

You Are Going To Crash This Helicopter

SLKGJ HORRIBLE HIGH VELOCITY PIE OF DEATH

flynn and judson…..wholesome

oh here comes more forced romance

just let them be friends who grow to mutually respect each other blease

it is very fucking funny that the mom is like ….. oh my god…. oh my god,,, a WOMAN AJUST ANSEWREDM Y SDONGS PHONE?????????OH MY GOFD?????

he is bisexual. but it’s good he’s getting out

ah floofy hair

cahooting,

Yes You Do Need Clothes

that’s a teleporter sir

god eddie wild is such a boring fucking villain and person

and his plan SUCKS

also the serpent brotherhood (why BROTHERhood?) sucks and hates the library why would they just let this guy, a librarian, literally be their new leader

wow he just stabbed a guy on his OWN TEAM for no reason

great going asshole

love how lana is just like…. O-O

we stan lana. she hasn’t done much and she’s technically a bad guy i just love her

“at last we can be one” what does that even mean

why would lana or any of them want to help him he just killed one of their own for no reason hes clearly tripping on power and leaving yall to die

lfkgjdlkfgj flynn dodging so hard while the others is fight and then PUNCHING A GUY

dfglkjdflgkj wait it’s the professor dude why is that so funny

is he WITH THEM??? I think I just missed something

hold on a sec

yeah I think he just appears??? And flynn just fucking broke his nose iconic

wait so was he with them or is he just here going WHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY PYRAMID????????????

oh right he built the—ok I got it

Wait what

I mean I did think lana was neat and she seemed impressed with flynn but what shes just like, in love with him now? that makes zero fucking sense why would she want them to Be Together

Is it just so there can be a catfight between the two hot chicks?

seriously tho? morally pure blonde blue eyed girl versus Evil Asian Chick? really?

for the record NOT THAT IT MATTERS but lana is way cuter im just saying

ah badass judson

THE COMEDY OF THE CAPSTONE CRUSHING HIM DLFKGJDLKFGJ

oh………….pulling out excalibur…. predicable but so good

oh the painting….the very Parenty way of revealing it…… wholesome

oh did NOT like that transition

oh here comes the badass fucking entrance with his gf busting in on his mom trying to set him up with girls

HER ENTRANCE IS SO UNNECESSARAILY DRAMATIC I LOVE THEM

I just love the mom’s face ldfkgjldfkgjdlkfgjdlkfjgd shes like WHAT THEGUFVCJK

again I don’t love the vibes of “oh my weird loser son is finally normal!” but to be fair im exaggerating a bit from just facial expressions it’s just. sigh

but ngl the vindication of him being able to be like. yeah that’s right im a badass now and my gf is cool as fuck is still good

him and nicole do have not terrible vibes at the end but if I remember correctly that mission (time travelling ninjas and hg wells’s time machine) is the one that separated them so rip I guess

overall: good movie! as cringe as I remember but I still love flynn so much

[brieflygorgeouss]

Hiii, i love your writing ❤️ im waiting patiently for updates on your fic. But........ number 12 for the prompts bc i like angst

12. “please don’t do this” (you wanted angst, so here it is :’) part 2 of this is coming in a separate post!)

Lucas has made a mistake.

When it comes down to it, the whole thing is pretty simple. Lucas tries not to pay it much attention. In his day to day life, there’s very little space for those kinds of things. See, Lucas is a science guy, not a feelings guy. He likes facts, and undeniable truths, something he can lean on, knowing that it’s not just his own heart messing with him.

But then, sometimes there’s this — Eliott will turn his head just right when they’re hanging out in the park with everyone else, and the sunlight will catch in his hair. They’ll catch a glimpse of each other in the hallway and he’ll smile at Lucas with this horrible, breathtaking smile of his like it’s nothing. He’ll draw something on a napkin while they’re waiting for their coffee orders at Starbucks, then give it to Lucas, just because.

And in those moments, Lucas always thinks — maybe his heart is playing tricks, after all. If the way it stutters and aches is anything to go by.

*

Lucas has made a mistake and here it is — a throwback to three months ago. Lucas is standing in Eliott’s living room, late at night after they’ve just finished watching some weird Spanish movie, with his hair in his eyes and his heart in his throat, and he’s saying, ”I’m in love with you.”

Eliott is wearing an old t-shirt that hangs loosely enough around his neck to show his collar bones, and his hair is messy from where he kept running his hands through it. His eyes are huge. For a second, he looks at Lucas like he doesn’t believe him, and then he looks like he does believe him and something in his eyes lights up, burns like a flare and then dies down again. He’s turning to Lucas, in the next moment. Then, he’s saying, ”Listen, Lucas, I— I’m not—” and then, turning his eyes away, quieter, ”Please don’t do this.”

So. Fast forward to now — Lucas should have just stayed quiet.

*

”Hey,” Lucas hears from somewhere above him, ”I really like your jacket.”

When he lifts his head, there’s a guy standing by his table, with thick-rimmed glasses perched on his nose and a small smile on his lips. Lucas is about 70 percent sure he has seen him around the library before. They’ve caught each other’s eyes once or twice while sitting at neighbouring tables and run into one another by the lockers downstairs. If he remembers correctly, that is.

He says, kind of unsure, ”Oh. Thanks.”

”We’ve seen each other around before, right?” the guy voices Lucas’s thoughts, which, in turn, makes Lucas wonder, again, if they really had. Maybe the Glasses Guy had even introduced himself. Lucas can’t remember his name. ”I’ve been meaning to tell you, this jacket is so cool. And also your hair.”

Lucas is not sure what to say to that, so he just keeps smiling, a little plasticky. ”Thank you.”

”Would you mind if I joined you?” the Glasses Guy says, gesturing at the empty seat across from Lucas. 

”Uhm. I’m, actually. I’m kinda waiting for someone.”

There’s a beat of silence when they just keep looking at each other, Lucas having nothing else to add and the guy waiting for him to probably do so. 

”Oh,” he says after a few seconds, takes an awkward step back. ”I’ll leave you to it, then. Sorry.”

”See you around,” Lucas barely manages to get out, and then the guy is gone, just as quickly as he appeared in the first place. Lucas follows him with his eyes until he rounds the corner and disappears, then he lays his head on the table. It’s smooth under his cheek.

Then, a thumping noise startles him enough to sit back up.

Imane slides into the chair across from him, already busying herself with flipping through one of the approximately 50 books she brought with her, before saying, without lifting her gaze from the pages, ”You do realise that he was flirting with you, right?”

Lucas plays with the corner of his notebook’s cover. ”Yes,” he mutters. ”But I’m—you know. I’m here with you.”

He looks up at Imane just in time to see her roll her eyes, exasperated. ”It has nothing to do with that. You could have at least asked for his number or something.”

”Maybe I didn’t want his number,” Lucas says, and it comes out a little defensive. His phone buzzes with a notification so he busies himself with that instead of looking at Imane’s questioning expression. ”Maybe I’m not interested.”

”Lucas,” Imane says, this time looking straight at him and he can feel the weight of her eyes somewhere on his face. He locks his phone, then unlocks it, locks it again, just to pretend to be doing something. ”It’s really not my business, but he was exactly the type of guys you usually go for.”

Yeah, Lucas thinks, puts his phone away, screen down. Tall and messy-haired and smiling at strangers. Lucas knows this, and Imane knows this just as well. When he looks at her, the disappointed lines of her face clear as day, he knows what she’ll say even before she says it.

”You have to try to move on,” Imane tells him. It sounds softer than what Lucas was expecting. Imane’s eyes are soft, too, like Lucas rarely gets to see, dim with something he doesn’t want to think too much about. 

Lucas thinks, I know. I know.

It’s not like he hasn’t been trying. It’s not like he’s too stubborn to make this kind of effort. After Eliott turned him down, he hid away for a moment, turned off his phone and locked himself in his room until Manon and Mika almost drove him nuts with their constant knocking on the door and are you feeling better’s but right now, he’s all good. The past is the past. Lucas really tries his best to not think too much about how Eliott’s expression looked when he confessed, or how he could barely look Lucas in the eye at all, or how Lucas has spent the entire walk home stubbornly wiping his tears away that night, even though they just kept and kept coming.

Those are all his memories, his and no one else’s, but he doesn’t want them. Revisiting that would be like poking at a bruise — causing unnecessary pain. Not letting a wound heal fully like it should.

And that’s what Lucas has been doing. Healing. He just needs some time.

”I have moved on,” he says stubbornly, not wanting to hear any more of Imane’s too-soft tone, then thinks, I am moving on. I am. ”Anyway, can we get started?”

He gestures to the books that Imane has brought. She shoots him another look, one that lasts a second too long, but then just nods without any further comments.

For the next two hours, they talk about something else.

*

On Saturday, the sweltering heat finally dies down to something resembling nice breezy summer. Lucas wakes up to sunlight filtering through the curtains and specks of dust swirling in the air where they’re visible in the light. He drags himself out to the kitchen, and it’s early enough for no-one else to be up yet, so he makes himself a coffee and a sandwich and takes the breakfast to the balcony, just because he feels like it. There’s a dog barking somewhere, and a few cars driving by. He can hear someone laughing, sharp and bright and quick.

Then, his phone buzzes with a text notification.

It is, because that’s just Lucas’s life, from Eliott. hi, it reads, are you free tonight?

Lucas is. He doesn’t want to say he’s always free for Eliott because he isn’t supposed to think that way anymore, but somewhere in the back of his head, it rings true whether he likes it or not. 

sure, he texts back. want to hang out?

Because, see — they’re still friends. They can still be friends. It’s what he told Eliott that awful night he confessed, after Eliott, beautiful and so, so gentle, turned him down, looking like he was about to cry himself. I don’t want to ruin what we have, Lucas had told him, sounding a little shaky, feeling a little like a child, silly and overdramatic and inexperienced. I’ll get over this. I promise I will.

He can’t blame Eliott for not loving him back. Love is not something you can force yourself to feel. And Eliott never asked for any of this, never asked for any of those messy, overwhelming feelings that Lucas just couldn’t keep a hold on. There was never a reason for Lucas to count on anything, really.

As he finishes up his coffee, he looks over the railing of the balcony. There are two girls in the middle of the sidewalk downstairs, talking about something as they walk. One of them is gesturing animatedly, and the other nods from time to time, and then Lucas watches as she, unexpectedly, catches the other girl’s hand in hers and presses a quick kiss to her knuckles. Her expression is fond, then only grows fonder when the other girl’s face creases up in a smile.

Lucas turns his eyes away.

There is a theory he’s spent a lot of time reading about, a theory that he likes. It’s about alternate universes. According to the theory, there’s an infinite amount of worlds just like this one, somewhere out there, only slightly different. Lucas likes to imagine them, sometimes, because it makes him feel at peace — a world where he still lives in his old house. A world where his parents never split up in the first place. A world where everything is the same, except his eyes are green instead of blue. 

i’ll pick you up at 9, Eliott writes back, and then sends another message. It’s a heart.

Lucas stares at it until the screen of his phone goes dark.

”You have to try to move on” is just a nice way of saying ”He’ll never love you back”. Lucas knows this. That’s okay. It feels a little pathetic, this whole ordeal, but then again, it’s been almost exactly three months since he confessed. He’s had enough time to swallow the hurt down. Bury it somewhere where no-one else would see. 

According to the multiverse theory, besides the universe where Lucas’s family stayed together or where his eyes are a different colour, there also must be a universe where, somehow, Eliott loves him back. 

It’s not a bad thought. If some other Lucas managed to get everything that this Lucas doesn’t have, then, well. Good for him. It’s not like Lucas is unhappy. He’s okay.

Three months is enough to get over someone. 

*

A throwback again, to the same time and the same place: Lucas thought he had a chance. He thought there was something in the air that night that made things possible. He came over to Eliott’s just to hang out like they’ve done times and times before. Eliott let Lucas pick the movie, then promptly retracted the offer when Lucas said, ”Can we watch Green Lantern?” and they ended up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in Lucas’s lap and Eliott’s head leaning against Lucas’s shoulder. Eliott was busy explaining the individual shots that he really liked. Lucas was busy making comments and stuffing his face with popcorn and looking at Eliott instead of the actual film. It was nice. They were comfortable and close and talking in hushes voices, leaning into their shared space. Lucas thought he had a chance.

He never did, apparently.

*

At 9, when Lucas gets downstairs, trying to put on a jacket and simultaneously stuff his keys into the back pocket of his jeans, Eliott is already there. The sun has just gone down, and in the thinning out light, he looks like someone out of a dream. Lucas smiles when Eliott turns his head at the sound of the front door of the building opening, then closing. 

”Hi,” Eliott says, already grinning as well, and pushes himself away from the wall he was leaning against, then stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jacket, like he’s shy. Something quivers in Lucas’s chest and he smothers it.

”Hi,” he answers, looking up at where Eliott’s still smiling at him. ”So, what’s the plan?”

Eliott shrugs, then raises an eyebrow with a glint in his eyes. ”Let’s see where the night takes us?”

And Lucas, laughing a little, says, ”Okay,” and falls into step next to him as they go, shoulder to shoulder, almost close enough to brush.

In reality, not much has changed. That’s something Lucas is really proud of, actually. Apart from the first few awkward days where they acted around each other like strangers and a few sad moments Lucas has to swallow down every now and again, it’s almost like nothing ever happened. They joke around, and Lucas shoves Eliott away when he starts to make fun of how Lucas should probably get a haircut but refuses to, and then they get on a bus and sit in the seats right next to each other, their heads bent together. The whole bus is empty. Lucas keeps stealing glances at where Eliott’s profile reflects in the glass of the window.

This is exactly what Lucas doesn’t want to ruin. This — Eliott being so laid-back and relaxed around him, laughing freely, bright. In moments like these, Lucas feels more himself than he does anywhere else. He can’t afford to lose it, everything they have, how well they work together, just because he’s looking for the sun at midnight, just because he was stupid enough to fall in love.

And at one point, when he asks about one of Eliott’s art projects, Eliott suddenly whips his head around, and, eyes huge, says, as if enlightened, ”Oh my God. I know where I’m gonna take you.”

”Oh, yeah?” Lucas says, and then lets his smile widen a fraction. ”Let me guess, is it McDonald’s?”

”Shut up,” Eliott mutters, his own smile widening, too. ”That was only once.”

Lucas laughs, then, and looks and looks, at the curve of Eliott’s smile and at the slight colour high in his cheeks, until they get to the next stop and Eliott drags him out of the bus.

*

They only talked about the confession once, during a party at Emma’s, at the very end of their awkward phase. Lucas came out there to finally head home after moping in the corner for hours on end and spoiling his friends’ moods. Eliott was simply already there. They ended up sitting on the pavement with the party music pouring from the speakers from behind the closed front door, huddled close. Lucas remembers feeling relieved at the proximity, and also like someone punched him in the gut. 

”Do you have any idea,” Eliott asked him then, quiet under the night sky, sitting so close that Lucas was half-afraid he might do something stupid, ”what it’s like to be told that by someone like you?” And then, shaking his head, quieter, ”I don’t deserve that at all, Lucas. Not from you. I wouldn’t be good for you, you— you’re just so—”

Lucas said, then, unsure of how to respond but desperately wishing for things to just fall into place again, ”It’s okay, Eliott,” even though it wasn’t, even though it was nowhere near as easy. He kept thinking, why can’t you just tell me that you don’t feel the same?

”It’s not okay,” Eliott told him then, looking a little broken and so, so sad. ”I just—I wish it was different.”

Me, too, Lucas thought but didn’t say it.

”We’ll figure it out, Eliott,” he only said instead, proud of how sure he sounded even when did not feel like it as he got up, because it was time to go home. And even if there was something in Eliott’s gaze when their eyes met, something heavy and dim and unsettled, Lucas decided to write it off as a trick of the light. ”We will.”

*

They end up, somehow, in an art gallery.

Or something of sorts, anyway. Lucas doesn’t know why it’s still open and running at 9:30 at night, but it’s nice, he guesses, or as nice as an art gallery can get, anyway. There aren’t many people here, and Eliott claims that the exhibition is something he’s seen before and liked very much, so Lucas lets himself be taken by the hand and lead inside and only complains a little bit, just for show.

Eliott’s hand is warm in his, and for a second, Lucas allows himself a bluff. A what-if. Between one breath and then next, he can pretend they’re something else. Then, he moves his hand away first and ignores the look Eliott sends his way.

He doesn’t know much about art, arguably. He was never good at it, because, again — he’s a science guy. And there are many paintings here that he doesn’t understand, full of sharp lines and patches of colour, but they’re pretty. He stops in front of a painting of the sunrise, soft and full of light, full of blues and pinks and muted oranges and stands and just looks until Eliott finds him.

”What do you think?” he asks, stopping just shy of Lucas’s shoulder. He sounds curious but also a little nervous. Lucas doesn’t really understand why, so he just brushes it off.

”It’s nice, I guess,” he says, still looking at the painting, but then shifts his eyes onto Eliott and discovers that his expression is just as bright as the landscape on the canvas in front of him. ”I don’t know why you chose an art gallery as a form of entertainment for me, though. I’m not really big on places like that.”

”I’m aware,” Eliott chuckles, but then, startlingly, ducks his head and shrugs like he always does when he’s shy. ”But the first time I saw it, I thought of you, and—I wanted to bring you here. To see it, too.”

And—oh.

Lucas kind of just…stops. At that.

Because, you see — he’s been trying his best. He’s been careful and withdrawn and afraid, just a little, of reminding Eliott of what he’d said, of how he feels, when Eliott made it so, so clear that he doesn’t want that. That he doesn’t want whatever Lucas has to give, whatever Lucas took and tried to push into his hands that night three months ago, all of his crushing, throbbing feelings, this whole mess. And he’s been doing well. Most of the time, it’s almost like nothing ever happened. Lucas is okay. Lucas has been making progress. 

But every once in a while Eliott does or says something — texts him a heart or takes him by the hand or says ”Do you have some time” or ”I saw it and thought of you”, take him to look at art because it’s something he wants to share with Lucas and Lucas alone, and all the painstaking progress he has made goes teetering down, down and back to square one. 

Lucas doesn’t know how many times he’ll be able to take it. There is something lodged in his chest that suddenly makes breathing difficult. He thinks, I’m so stupid. So, so dumb.

Something must show on his face, or maybe he’s been quiet for too long, or maybe Eliott just knows him too well, because he asks, rocking on his feet, his voice tentative, ”Do you like it? Here, I mean?”

What does it matter to you, Lucas thinks, but swallows the words down, because they wouldn’t be fair. Eliott cares, is all. He knows that. They’re friends.

”I like it, yeah,” he answers instead, then watches another smile break across Eliott’s face, impossible, prettier than all the art in the room.

Lucas thinks back to the balcony, to the girls he saw on the sidewalk in the morning, to fond smiles and kisses pressed to knuckles, to feeling like he was intruding on something he had no right to, and feels like Eliott and his smile and this whole goddamn scene is another thing like that. Something stolen that does not belong to him. Something that is not meant to be his at all.

”I’m glad,” Eliott tells him. His words sound nothing but sincere.

They move onto another painting.

*

But maybe the truth is this — Lucas is tired of feeling like him being in love has become something to be ashamed of. Before, he’d thought that now when Eliott knew, maybe the feeling of it all would lessen, would become less biting, simmer down to friendship again, but it didn’t. It’s still there, no matter what he does, whether he covers it up or screams it from the rooftops, and he’s tired of hiding something everyone knows about anyway.

It’s not fair, pretending he never confessed, when it took so much courage and strength and nerve. 

*

It’s not much of a revelation, really, but Lucas can’t help but feel very, very dumb. He meets up with Imane again and can barely look at her, keeps thinking, you were right, you were right as always. He goes to class, and to work, and spends the evenings lying on the couch, watching reruns of old TV shows with Mika and Lisa arguing over whose turn it is to choose the channel this time. It’s not bad. The acute awareness of I’m still in love doesn’t change much. 

Except when Eliott texts him now, he barely even answers and doesn’t pick up when he calls and lies that he’s busy when Manon suggests that they all go out together. It’s awful, and it makes him feel guilty and like a failure, but he doesn’t know what else to do. It’s all he has left, he tells himself, because Eliott is not his to have. He’s been reading too much into his smiles, and his soft touch, and how bright his eyes get sometimes, into little drawings on coffee cups and text messages saying, let me know when you get home safe.

It’s just how Eliott is. And if Lucas can’t do anything about his stupid wishful thinking, if what Eliott can offer is not enough for him, then maybe it’s better if he doesn’t get anything at all.

It’s sad, in the beginning, but he likes to think he withdraws slowly. The unanswered texts pile up on his phone one by one, and Manon asks less and less about why he doesn’t hang out with them as much anymore, and once, when he sees Eliott in the hallway in-between his classes, he shoots him a smile and scrambles out of sight before anything else can happen.

He misses Eliott so goddamn much. It grows in his chest like vines, this ache, winds around everything else he feels and taints it. But Lucas only allows himself to feel it when it’s late into the night and the apartment is quiet and his thoughts have nowhere else to go. Because, again — Eliott is not his to have. Not his to miss. This is not a universe where they’re together.

He just needs to get it into his head.

*

And then, one night as he’s getting off his shift and closing up, stepping into the dark of the streets, Eliott is, for some reason, there.

He looks slightly unsure of himself, as if the sun, when it went down, took away the usual bright aura he radiates. His hands are in his pockets, and his hair is a mess. He’s chewing on his bottom lip and something flits across his face when he realises Lucas has spotted him, but then he comes up to where Lucas is standing with the keys still dangling from his hands, in big, quick strides like he’s afraid Lucas will run off, as if he has anywhere to go.

”Can we talk?” is the first thing Eliott says. 

So they talk.

It feels a little bit like the conversation they had after Lucas confessed, the one when Eliott had told him ”I wouldn’t be good for you”, the one when Lucas had said, ”We’ll figure it out,” only to fuck up everything even more in the end. They wander through the streets in silence at first, Lucas unsure of what exactly is happening and stupidly happy to see Eliott again, almost despite himself, all at the same time. He can’t help but steal glances at Eliott’s profile, coloured golden in the light of the street lamps. 

Then, Eliott says, ”So. You’ve been avoiding me.”

It’s not really a question. Lucas supposes that’s fair, since his behaviour left so little room for doubt. He holds the confirmation like breath in his lungs, then lets it out as a sigh. ”Sorry.”

If Eliott was expecting him to deny, it doesn’t show on his face. Lucas watches him lick his lips. ”Did I—” Eliott stutters. ”Did I do something? Did I say something stupid?”

Something unfurls in Lucas’s chest, then, the vines grow and grow and make it a little bit harder to breathe. 

None of this is Eliott’s fault. That’s what Lucas keeps thinking as they walk, as Eliott waits for an answer, as they keep looking at each other like that could serve as a reply instead. None of this is on Eliott. It’s all Lucas and his stupid, stupid heart, him looking for the sun at midnight, him reading too much into Eliott’s kindness, because he just never learns. That’s all.

”No,” he says, looks down on his feet, then up again. ”You didn’t do anything.”

”Then what’s wrong?” is what comes next. Lucas breathes in, breathes out. ”Are you alright?”

”Yeah,” he says. I was just busy, he wants to say, with school and work, you know how it is. But that would be a lie. He was never too busy for Eliott before. Maybe that was the very first mistake in all of this. ”I’m okay.”

”Then—” Eliott starts, quietly, and doesn’t finish. Why, is what he really wants to say; Lucas realises that but pretends that he doesn’t, only walks alongside Eliott and waits for him to speak again, looks at the pattern of light-dark-light as they pass the street lamps. Then, Eliott takes a breath, looks ahead. ”I know it’s not really my business,” he says, ”but—we’re okay, right? Because I feel like I did something. I just— I really miss you.”

And just like that, it’s too much. It’s too much.

Lucas says, ”I’m still in love with you.”

Eliott turns his head fast, surprised. He stops walking. Lucas slows down, too, stands centimetres from where another streetlamp is casting yellowish light on the nearby building. Eliott looks dumb-struck and a little scared, and Lucas looks at him and thinks that he has no right to, because it’s not like he didn’t know. It’s not like Lucas didn’t tell him.

And here they are again, a different time and a different place but the same two people and the same situation. Here he is, defeated and pathetic and like he’s stuck in some sort of fucking loop. It’s so unfair, he thinks, his chest suddenly too small for his heart, too tight for his lungs. So unfair.

”I know you don’t want to hear it,” he goes on when Eliott doesn’t say anything but just stands frozen still, his expression twisted into something Lucas is afraid to work through, ”and I’m sorry. I really tried to keep things how they used to be, but I can’t. I tried to stop—” A breath. Lucas feels shaky. ”I tried to stop feeling the way I do because I didn’t want to ruin anything, but I can’t. Not when you keep acting the way you do and keep saying all those things—”

”What things?”

Eliott sounds very small. Like he isn’t sure what to say but needs to say something anyway, like he’s scared. Lucas is scared, too, just a bit. All the words he says sound like coming from underwater.

”That you miss me,” he hears himself answer and only half-registers that it is really his own voice that’s sounding so strange. ”That you think of me. Everything, I don’t know.” His next breath sounds watery, and Lucas isn’t crying, but he’s almost there. He tries to push through it. ”It’s not like you don’t realise that, right? I know it’s easier to just pretend I never said anything, but the truth is that I did. We both know that. I don’t think it’s fair to pretend everything is still the same.”

Eliott casts his eyes down. It takes him a moment to say, ”No. It’s not fair.”

And Lucas, stupidly, because for just a second he can’t help it, thinks about some other universe, then, where a different Lucas and a different Eliott are happy. Where they kiss on street corners and hold hands as they walk down the sidewalks and where some other Lucas is allowed, impossibly, to lift some other Eliott’s hand to his lips and press a kiss there, too, or to his cheek, to the curve of his jaw. 

”I meant what I said about still being friends,” he says after a while, and it burns in his throat, but in this universe, it’s all he gets. ”It’s still important to me. I just need to work through it all, so that we can go back to how things really used to be, this time.“ He licks his lips. "I don’t want to ruin this any more than I already did.”

”Lucas, you didn’t—” Eliott sounds almost as bad as he does. Lucas doesn’t think about the reason. ”You didn’t ruin anything, listen, I—”

”I just need some more time,” he cuts in, because he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle Eliott saying ”Please don’t do this” one more time, if that’s what Eliott wants to tell him. ”Some time and some space and I’ll really—try and just. You won’t have to listen to it again. I promise.”

Eliott is quiet, then. The vines in Lucas’s chest grow and grow until there’s no more room left.

”I’d take it back if I could,” Lucas says after a moment because it’s the truth, and it feels important, somehow, that Eliott knows. He’d take it all back. All of his scattered, burning, unwanted feelings and keep them away, safe and only for him to deal with. ”I would. But I can’t. I’m sorry that I need so much time.”

For a second, Eliott looks like he wants to say something, but whatever is it, it never leaves his mouth.

So in the end, Lucas only says, ”See you later,” and then goes.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

[1-800-channie]

Amnesia

»Felix’s angst one-shot (2 412  Words)

»Attention: What is in the header is the lyric of the song; whats in italic is a memory; what is normal is the present;

»Hi, guys! I’m so excited over this scenario because it’s so sad but so sweet and ahhhhh i just thought it fits Felix perfectly. i recommend you to listen to the song “Amnesia from 5SOS” because its the song of the one shot. I hope you enjoy the story, thank you. ♥

Felix is alone the large dorm he lives with his bandmates, the hyung line went grocery shopping and the maknaes decided it was a great day to do a live stream while walking around the neighborhood. Felix woke up blue, his heart throbbing and laziness taking advantage of his weak body, so he decided to be on his own.

He picked up his phone to face your picture. You were laughing while holding a big teddy bear, that was a present from him. His eyes got teary, he misses you more than he thought he would….; pushing those thoughts aside he chose to finally listen to the playlist Channie Hyung made him, laying down on the bed he whispered all the lyrics to Ariana’s song. 

But as soon as the melody of the next song started playing he wanted to kill Chris. While ‘Amnesia’ from 5SOS played his mind become cloudy with thoughts:

~I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

You were running in front of him, the precious noises of your laugh were echoing on the air, getting muffed by the sound of the waves of the ocean. Felix was chasing you because you guys were kissing close to the water and you pushed him, causing him to get his feet, trainers, and socks drenched. 

“Came here baby, i swear i won’t do anything to you!” Your boyfriend states tired of running.

You stopped right on the spot, waiting for him, and when he finally reached you his arm grabbed your body by your waist. You giggled and hid your face on his neck, he is so much taller than you. The sweet smell of your hair made his whole body feel dizzy.

Felix could not contain the sparkling consuming his body when he was with you.

~I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you taste

The tears flowing down your appearance didn’t stop Felix from connecting his lips with yours. You were shaking, even your tender lips felt hesitant against his and he despised it. 

His tongue slowly slid over your closed lips, but you opened them right after. His tongue explored your mouth lazily, you tasted salty due to the tears that your eyes left out. 

As your lips parted his forehead met yours and both of you left a long sigh, and the tears didn’t seem to stop escaping yours and his eyes.

~ And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fine

“Felix she found the perfect job, she is genuinely happy.” Your best friend tells him with a comfortable smile on her lips. “Oh and she lives in a small apartment close to the beach, she is always on her balcony, enjoying the scent of the ocean.”

“I’m glad she is fine…” The blonde boy says, his words as empty as an abandoned house.

~ Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?

The newest Shawn Mendes album is playing inside your small apartment. You are cooking with your also new boyfriend. As you sing your favorite song he follows correctly the instructions that are written down on your notebook without a word.

You take an examination at the American boy next to you, he seems so focused that forgot that you are right there, beside him. You sealed your eyes and sign. 

He is right there, why do you feel so lonely?

~ When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote to you?

Tears slip down your eyes but you quickly caught them with the back of your hand.

“IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF YOU NOT HAVING TIME FOR ME! YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING!” Lucas shouts at you, throwing his arms in the air annoyed.

You came back home later than usual today because you had to edit some pictures for a new client when you came back to your apartment you found a bouquet of flowers on the floor and Lucas asleep with his back against your door. 

It’s your three month anniversary, and you entirely misremembered it.

“I am sorry… i had to finish editing-” He didn’t let you finish. Lucas grabbed his phone from the table and stormed out, banging the door. This was the last thing you wanted after a long day of work. 

As you were taking a shower, Stray Kids album ‘I AM YOU’ was playing, Felix’s voice made the tears that you were holding back escape your eyes quickly. Your heart pained and you could only remember your ex confess you with his deep voice how much he ‘loved you’.

~ Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?

Felix sees all the stories you post on Instagram with an undercover account he has. He sees all the charming selfies you post, he sees all the mirror pictures you post with another man, he reads the romantic words you write to that other man, every now and then.

His heart would shatter a little more, and his mind would ask himself if everything you had were real. How could you move on this fast?

~If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

His brain quickly tells him that you were playing him all the time. Why would you move from Korea so abruptly?

You were trying to get rid of him. If you truly loved him like you promised him, how could you smile? How could you be fine without him?

~‘Cause I’m not fine at all 

Felix is surely not alright, he can’t listen to Halsey, your favorite singer, without crying his eyes out. He spent a big amount of his nights awake and imagining about you. He can’t drink milk and coffee without remembering how you always made him a big cup of it with the perfect amount of sugar and coffee. 

Felix is not fine at all.

~ I remember the day you told me you were leaving ~I remember the make-up running down your face

It had been a whole week without any kind of news from you. You would not pick up your phone, you would ignore his texts, pretend you are not home when Felix was banging at your door, even though you were sitting on the floor with your back against the door and tears streaming down your eyes.

The day you finally opened the door, your boyfriend could recognize the intoxicating days you were dealing with. Your eyes were red from crying, your skin was pale, your hair a mess and all the mascara you use daily were stained under your eyes in dark mess. 

“What is happening, baby?” Felix asks getting on his knees in front of you. You were also on your knees, face hidden behind our small hands. 

“I’m leaving. I’m leaving Korea today night… The company that gave me work is placed in Miami, they have an apartment for me and an important place on the team.” You told him while he had your hands on his, his warmth being slowly shared with your cold hands.

“That’s great, baby! You will do what you wanted and what you studied for… We can have a long distant relationship, we love each other I’m sure it will work out i-”

“Felix no! I’ll be half world far from you. It would never work and it would be worst for both of us.” You turned your head to the side, tears falling down once again, making more of a mess on your face and the heavy headache become worst. “It’s better if we break up…” Your lips moved slowly while the last words got out of your mouth.

And they felt like sharp knives on your boyfriend’s heart, cutting, trespassing and making him bleed non stop. Hot, salty tears left his eyes and he tried to change your mind.

But anything he would say would change your decision, he knew you were right, and that’s why it disturbed him even more.

~And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them ~Like every single wish, we ever made

“What do you wish for?” Felix asked you while taking a glace to your angelic face.

Both of you are laying down on the rooftop’s floor admiring the sky. You are laying on your back, but the Australian boy is laying on his side so he can watch you. 

“I wish we can be together forever, for more cliche than it sounds. I have never met a boy as lovely as you. I wish we can buy a place for ourselves where we can share a bed, where i can wake up with you by my side every day.” Now you tuned to your side, facing a blushy Felix with the dumbest smile on his lips. 

He was drunk in love with you…

It hurts him how you accomplished your dreams without him, and the worst, with another man.

~I wish that I could wake up with amnesia ~And forget about the stupid little things

Felix tells himself this every day. If only he could forget how your voice sounds, so he could sleep once for all.

~Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

As you stuff your pijama pants under you cozy socks, Felix watches you carefully under the thick covers of your bed. 

You hurry to lay down on the bed, your boyfriend’s body close to yours. He smiles, his white teeth appearing between his tender lips, he is so happy for finally laying close to you.

“Can we cuddle?” You ask with a cute pout on your face that Felix kiss in a fast movement that caught you off guard. You blush, trying to hide your face with your hands

“Of course we can! I’ll be the big spoon.” Your boyfriends choose without a lot of thinking. 

You roll over to your side, and you giggle as you feel his body being close to yours, his arms resting on your waist. 

“Good Night, baby!” You tell him already closing your eyes and yawning.

“Good night, angel…” He responds back, a kiss being planted on your hair right after. 

Felix’s favorite thing to do with you is sleep. Nothing sexual, just the warmth of your body, the cute little noises you make sleeping and the sweet smell of roses of your hair.

~And the memories I never can escape’ ~Cause I’m not fine at all

The sun was shining brightly that day, you were wearing a cute summer dress that would follow every motion of your body. You looked adorable and Felix couldn’t be more proud of having you as his.

“Would you like some ice cream?” You asked him sweetly, appearing in front of him on your tiptoes. 

“Yes, I’d love to have one. It’s really hot today isn’t it?” He smiled down at you.

You interlocked your fingers with his and pulled him towards an ice cream truck, where you paid for both of the sweets.

“Why did you pay? I could have done it.” He asks while unwrapping the so wanted ice cream.

“Because you are always paying and i feel bad for it.” You answer as you struggle to open the ice cream.

Felix laughed and helped you, right after you thanked him and you guys walked slowly down the road, hand in hand. Everyone that would pass by you guys could tell, you were deeply in love.

~The pictures that you sent me they’re still living in my phone ~I’ll admit I like to see them, I’ll admit I feel alone

Felix finds himself looking at your pictures often. 

The one you are pouting because you were tired of him taking pictures; The one you are hugging your teddy Chimmy with your Koja pijama; The one you are wearing a tight blue dress and heels, he took that on the new year’s party; One of you sleeping on his lap.

As his eyes watch them, his heart ached and he hates to admit it, but he feels lonely.

~And all my friends keep asking why I’m not around

“Felix, come on, please you need to distract yourself,” Changbin tells him, but the only reaction he gets is a roll of eyes.

“I’m good by my own.” The blonde boy says annoyed.

“Come on it will be fun.” Seungmin tried to convince his friend, but no success.

~It hurts to know you’re happy, yeah, it hurts that you’ve moved on

Felix’s phone buzzes and its a notification of your Instagram, you posted a story on a date, hand holding some other man and you have a big smile on your lips.

His heart felt like it was being stabbed.

~It’s hard to hear your name when I haven’t seen you in so long

“Yah! Yn used to say that though, i miss her man. She was funny as hell.” Woojin said with a pout on his lips.

As soon as the Australian boy heard your name a shiver ran down his spine and his smile faded away.

Chan looked over at Woojin, yelling at him just with his glare. 

“I’m sorry Felix… I didn’t mean to remind you of her…”

“Its ok bro.” Felix lied, the pain on his body started to become strong again.

~If today I woke up with you right beside me ~Like all of this was just some twisted dream ~I’d hold you closer than I ever did before ~And you’d never slip away ~And you’d never hear me say  

Felix closed his eyes and imagined if you were right there with him: He would appreciate more every single second he was with you. He would kiss you more often. He would tell you that he loves you more often. He would do anything to not let you go.

But when he opened his eyes he was alone. The music came to an end, just like both of you.

He has to move on, and maybe pretend he has amnesia so you would leave his heart faster.

[wwounu]

Chan drops his arms, releasing a long breath as his lips go to one side and eyes bore at the cracks on the floor.

All of a sudden, his vision is filled with the stuffed face of a lion in front of him, bobbing her head up and down as she ’speaks’. “Hey Mister Chan,” The high pitched voice says, “Oldie is here to tell you that you can talk to Miss Y/N about your problems and Oldie loves you very much.”

“Y/N, you don’t need to speak in that ridiculous voice—“

“Oldie is the one that’s speaking, not Y/N!” She argues, before the pair burst into giggles and you eventually turn back into your normal voice, handing the lion to Chan. “But hey, what’s happened now?”

“I got mad at Jeonghan just now over text and I shouldn’t have done it. He was only trying to be a good friend…”

“Well, um, I have an idea! Why don’t I take your phone and we can have a phone free day, alright?”

“I’m not too sure about that-“

“Come on Chan, you should let your worries free for a while, and your phone is definitely one of them.” Holding a hand in front of him near the entrance, you wait for the weight of his phone to be placed on your hand  while you happily drop it inside your bag to start your day at the zoo.

But as you do the action, you feel a hand grab your arm and drag you all the way to the entrance of the zoo, waiting in line to get in. Quickly turning (mainly because you’re surprised at how quickly you ended up there), you quirk an eye brow at Chan who doesn’t bother to hold back his smile.

“Someone’s keen today.”

And with the most adorable grin, cheerful eyes and bashful voice, “I really want to see the cubs today.”

And you did. You toured around the whole area before meeting the cubs (Expect for the fish because Chan has a fear of fish) and stopped to look at all the variety of animals around you. You measured the giraffes in Chan’s and Chan did the opposite, Chan did a badly-done meerkat impression and ran away while feeding the pandas (“What if they bite off my hands?”), while you also wailed at the birds flying above you, screaming ‘They’re going to take me away!’ The more they squawked (Chan laughed at you the whole way through) and cooing at the acts of the otters swimming around. Not to mention, while paying for food to eat, you weren’t pleased when Chan kicked the rhino mascot because he tapped you on the shoulder to give you a flyer.

When the pair of you finally got to the cubs, Chan ran front and centre to see them in action — Even though they were mainly walking, eating, and rolling around. But Chan was so immersed in them, almost child-like, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Look at that one Y/N!” Chan points using the arm of Oldie to direct where to look, “Can you hear her purr? It’s so pretty! And look at the cubs, they’re so small, can we take a picture Y/N? Just one, please?”

Giving up, you hand him back his phone and make him promise he doesnt do anything but take pictures (“I promise with mine and Oldie’s heart.”), before you eventually begin taking videos of the cubs too, gradually moving the video towards Chan and his babbling over the lion cubs breathing.

You took a couple of more photos for Chan for memory keeping, before the two of you had realised the sky was darkening and you had to get an item from the gift shop to remember this day.

This time, the fighter and you had split up to find alternating gifts to give each other (On a budget, of course) and you had found the perfect mini statue of lion cubs tackling each other — It would look great in Chan’s living room, or bedroom, and plus the fighting between the animals seemed fitting too.

When you paid for your items, you run over to Chan who has your souvenir in a bag, brightly smiling at the statue you bought him. “It’s perfect!” The male exclaims, “Jeonghan’s going to love this, just you wait. You can open yours now too if you want.”

He hands the bag, and you take a peep inside, gasping at a tiny lion cub plush, just a little bigger than your hand, inside the bag. “Oh my gosh.”

“I dunno what to name him but he’s yours now so love and take care of my child.” He emphasises every bit like a protective parent whilst he carries Oldie.

After staring at the toy for a while, you declare, “Softie. He looks like a Softie, mainly because you’re so soft over lions.”

“Hey! That’s not true-“ You give Chan a look. “Maybe it is true…”

“See, I’m always right.” Triumphantly, you hum as you check the time. “We should go, if we don’t leave now our buses will be late.”

“Then let’s go.” Chan nods as you both leave.

Unfortunately, Chan had training that night (Well, to put correctly, he wanted to buy some food to make it up to his coach for missing some training hours and refusing to clean the gym) so the both of you had to take different buses. Yours came first, while Chan’s would come after.

As you wait, you and Chan start playing with your stuffed toys and make them interact with each other — Which was weird, since you we’re voicing a boy and Chan was voicing a girl (An incredibly amusing sight).

But in the middle of jumping the toys to each other’s laps and recieving weird looks from people, you were happy to see the fighter out of the blues. It wasn’t going to last forever, but for now this moment was a start of many.

You place Softie close to Oldie, making sure that they’re face to face, and Chan’s hand is placed still, waiting for your next move. And you had no idea what you were doing too, yet your hand managed to tilt up and let the two lions kiss each other.

Realising your actions, you hug Softie close to your chest and look away, embarrassed and as flustered as Chan. Luckily, your bus had just arrived and without a word you ran inside, scanning your card as you find a place to take a seat.

Feeling bad — and awkward — you take a seat nearest to the window where Chan is, so you can greet him a goodbye. Just before the bus sets off, you knock on the window to get the male’s attention and quickly use Softie’s arm to wave to him.

Chan’s lips melt into a smile as he does the same with Oldie, following the bus as it moves further and further away from him at the bus stop.

It was an embarrassing thing to do, but you’d do anything to have a day like this with him again.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT PART TEN — Fighter!Chan x Journalist!Reader

my brain has been FRIED while writing this also there might be no update tomorrow??? but we’ll see how that goes psst im working on the next au thats why… | POLL

one • two • three • four • five • six • seven • eight • nine • ten • eleven

masterlist

[ofsympathy]

*  shawn mendes. twenty-two. cismale. he/him. |  did you see beau fontes this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for two years and last time i spoke to them, they were a hotel heir. if i remember correctly, they’re a capricorn and they remind me of late night text messages, walking past restricted lines, and lone curls falling against foreheads probably because they’re adventurous and closed-off. (  bee, 21+ est, she/they.  )

okay if y’all ordered a pretentious little fucker , well , u got him and if u didn’t ? i’m sorry , you’re getting him anyway :////

meet the love of my whole life , beau fontes. i’ve been Yelled At ( playfully ) bc all of my shawns are little fucking DEMONS but it’s the best way to play him CHAN GE MY MIND 

anyway.

beau is from new york , specially from the bronx though he lived in the city for the better part of his early teen years.

beau comes from a family of money. his great-grandfather has a hotel line passed onto his dad and his parents are both successful ceos , though they recently started focusing on expanding their hotels down the east coast.

back to this lil buttercup ; he was spoiled To Death and never had to ask twice for anything. honestly never had to ask once.

however , he pretty much grew up around nannies and isn’t super familiar with parental love or Closeness so he’s Incredibly guarded and closed off by nature.

did a lot of shit for attention but money was always thrown at him as a way to get him out of his parents hair. 

within the last two years , beau’s parents wanted to expand their hotels west and they also wanted their only son + heir to their hotels to start Learning the business.

so lil beau here was dragged out to baLLARD to open a chain of their hotels there in light of the expansion - so the horizon suites ? that’s beaus ! WELL , it’s his parents but they’re trying to get him to take ownership of it.

he doesn’t want it. however. the town is helping him be a little more ... humble ??? 

definitely still rich and pretentious. but a little more humble.

honestly i cannot THINK so lets move onto his personality.

annoying but somehow likable. a HUGE H U G E attention seeker. wants ur attention. ALL of it. 

charming in a weird way. like u wanna hit him but also be around him ? 

loves cuddling.

that’s just a cute fact.

idk im a mess this is all u get rn. 

[bobowhooo]

Sugarboys 2

Genre : Comedy/ Smutty/ Playboys baek and chan ruinin yo panties

Summary : Say goodbye to your daughter she’s with me now.  Let’s just say the ladies are squirrels and we’re the finest nuts they would ever find.

Two shot (Bang bang)

                     “Call me daddy!”

                 “Fuck yes, wait, what?”

My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion when she screamed out her random request, as i pounded harder into her. There’s no god damn way i’m calling her daddy. But then again it might get me an extra thousand. I’ll have to think about that one. 

“Baekhyun! Focus!”

I snapped out of my thoughts when the feisty lady gripped on my ass cheeks harder to drill me deeper inside her entrance. All this extra aggressive activity might scar me one day. I would have taken control by now if she didn’t ask me to let her do it tonight. Note to self, never agree to that again, 

Shit i can feel myself getting softer. 

“Fuck harder, you piece of shit!”

Sweat beaded on my forehead as i tried to block out her words and give her the orgasm she’s been bitching about since i stepped foot in this condo. 

“You like that!? You like when i degrade you little bitch!?”

Okay. This is not my thing. If i don’t end this now i’m going to go completely flaccid in her pussy. Which is sounding better than continuing, at this point.

“Yes daddy.” I said softly when i leaned into her ear. We! *clap* Will! *clap* Never! *clap* Speak! *clap* Of! *clap* This! *clap* Again! *clap* Okay?

She made a loud whimper sound at my words. Her pussy tightening around my half hard condom clad dick. “D-daddy, i-i think im going to cum.” I spoke to her in a sweet and shy voice as i pretended to stutter out of pleasure. Im not even close. But she doesn’t need to know all that.

She moaned loudly and squeezed the shit out my ass. “Cum with me, baby!” An animal like yell rushed out of her mouth and barged into my ears when she came. That’s my cue. I gripped the sheets and pushed inside of her, whining as i put on a show. 

I faked out of breath as she rubbed my cheek in admiration. “You’re such a good boy.” I giggled at her, flashing a cute smile. Mostly because i don’t know how to respond to that. “Seriously. i think im falling in love with you.”

Oh god. 

“Oh.” I said to her with a fading smile, as i pulled out of her and made sure she didn’t see the condom before i took it off. 

“I’m serious baekhyun. I can take care of you. I can make you happy. You won’t have to do what you do anymore. Just be with me and only me. I promise a perfect life for you and me. Maybe even a little baekhyun one day. Don’t you want that?”

I choked on nothing after hearing her suggestion of kids. She’s either really in her feelings after being called daddy or just sleepy. Me and her both knew what it was when we started this. I don’t see why she would even want to say something like that to me. I thought she would know me well enough by now. I guess it’s to be expected. This happens every once in awhile and i could say i wouldn’t be doing my “job” correctly if it didn’t. I guess i’ll just sweet talk her for now instead of being an asshole about it.

“Darling, you know in my heart i see us together.” I said as i grabbed her hand softly and rubbed my thumb over it. “But im not ready for a real relationship right now. You should know that. But, my heart truly belongs to you.”

She looked into my eyes desperately searching for shit that’s not there, and never will be there. I think we both know what’s coming next.

I picked up my phone when i saw her mouth fly open.

“Oh shit, i got to go. Bye darling. I promise i’ll call you later.”

Sike.

“Ahhhhh!” I screamed when i died against chanyeol in naruto. “You fucking cheated, asshole!” I said with an unintentional pout on my face. 

“How did i cheat?”

“I don’t know. That’s how good you are at cheating. Are you proud of yourself?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Why would i shut the fuck up? What did the fuck ever do to me?”

Chanyeol jabbed my arm and i laughed in his face while holding my arm. A tinge of pain remained in the spot but for some reason it made me laugh even more. 

“Anyways, I have an appointment, I can’t play anymore.” 

My shoulders dropped in disappointment. “Where the hell are you going?”

“Well, i’m going to an interview with one of my ladies.”

“Sounds boring. You should ditch it and hang out with me instead.”

“Uhmm, last time i checked, hanging out with you doesn’t pay the bills of this expensive ass condo, so, i’ll go with a no on that one.”

“Whatever.” I said with an even deeper pout. What a party pooper.

“Shouldn’t you be with that se-rin lady right now anyway?”

“Nah, i’m ignoring her calls and texts for right now.”

Chanyeol made a noise of understanding and walked away to his room. I huffed when the urge to follow him came up. It’s time like this, when he has shit to do other than hang out with me, i realize that i have no friends in my life other than him. No real friends at least. I have been with him 24/7 ever since middle school. Now that we’re getting older, and busier, us being apart from each other is happening a lot more often. The only thing is, i’m still not all the way used to it. I’m still myself when he’s not next to me. But i just feel stronger when he is. I guess i need to learn how to deal with that. 

I pushed the urge away and took the controller in my hands. Time to whoop some akatsuki ass.

My eyes are covered in black when my phone goes off randomly. 

I groaned realizing i fell asleep at some point in between ripping itachi a new one, and watching girls do butt lifting work outs. Gotta love fitness. I snatched my phone and answered reluctantly after not being able to adjust to the light of my phone and not seeing the numbers well. 

“H-hello?” I hesitated purely because of my voice being little hoarse from sleep and it surprised me a bit.

“Hey baekhyun! Are you free tomorrow night?” A loud clear voice barged into my ears and i looked at my phone as if it was my enemy. 

“Yeah, man. Who dis?”

“It’s miss yes! were you expecting someone else or something!?”

“N-no, i-”

“Ahah! I’m fucking with you!” Her laugh rang through my ears and i felt a groan coming on. ”Anyways, i want you to come to a party tomorrow. I actually told you about it already. Do you remember at all?”

“Yeah, i do.” 

I don’t.

“Well, make sure you’re on time. okay? And remember to tell chanyeol.”

“Uhmm, alright that’s doable.”

I won’t be on time.

“Okayy thennn, oh and it’s a tie occasion, so dress accordingly.”

“No! I hate those things you know that! H-hello?” I looked at my phone with scrunched eyebrows and confused eyes. Who hangs up on someone like that. Just for that, i’m probably not going to go anywhere near that party. 

Fuck that. 

“Bloody hell.” I said under my breath as i looked around the room of high class assholes. I definitely don’t want to be here right now but here i am. Chanyeol tapped my shoulder to show me that miss yes was waving at me during her business conversation with some random dude i don’t care about. I waved back as if i actually wanted to then took a sip of the expensive champagne filling my glass. 

“Dude, lighten up. We’ll be able to get out of here soon.”

“I want to leave now. Right now.” I said with a pout.

Chanyeol chuckled and tilted his head to look at me better. “Fine. We can disappear for an hour or so. What could it hurt?”

“I hope it does hurt something. Maybe someone will try and put more effort into making these things more fun.”

“True. Wanna get cheap beer?”

“I thought you would never ask!” I said while fake crying and gripping his suit jacket. 

“Stop, you might wrinkle it.”

I mimicked him childishly as we walked off towards an exit out of this shit hole. We’ve always been like this. Running away from everyone together. Getting drunk on cheap shit somewhere random and joking around.  For some reason it’s always much more fun when it’s just the two of us. I never questioned why. But i am thankful for it.

I placed my hand on the handle of the door while laughing at something chanyeol said and before i pulled, it swung into me, making me stumble backwards into chanyeol. 

A jet black haired girl walked in with an annoyed expression on pretty her face. Her perfect s line adorned with a tight velvet black dress and a few diamonds here and there. She ran a hand through her hair and huffed before walking off. Never even apologizing for her rude behavior. 

My kind of girl. 

“Sorry chanyeol, our plans have now been cancelled.” I spoke as i tapped his chest with the back of my hand. 

Chanyeol gripped onto my arm harshly before i could even make one step. “We’re not doing this tonight. That girls dad is really really important. This is literally his building if you haven’t noticed. Not to mention, He’s also super protective over her. It’s surprising to see her without body guards actually.” 

“Ooo, a challenge.”

“No, baekhyun no.” Chanyeol continued his protest against me as i struggled to get out of the mans strong hold on me. 

“Fuck yes.” I said back at him while gripping his his suit jacket for the second time tonight.

“Excuse me.” The girl from before interrupted reluctantly.

It’s destiny.

“Y-yes?” Chanyeol stuttered and let go of me to straighten himself up.

“Have you seen my father anywhere?”

“Uhmm, yes, actually, i think the last time i saw him he was talking about going to his office.” The big guy smiled and spoke politely to her.

“Yeah, i heard him say that too. I could take you there if you want. I know this place like the back of my hand.”

“No you don’t-” Chanyeol spoke before i made quick work of stepping on his foot with the heel of mine and twisting. 

The girl held her hand out and sighed. “Okay, just make this quick, and don’t talk too much.”

Oh, i like her a lot.

“So, Come here often?” I asked with a slick smile on my face. 

“Ehhmygahd, i thought you weren’t going to talk.”

“I lied.”

“I can see that.” She huffed and ran a hand through her hair again, just like before. It feels like a shot to the heart every time. Sending vibrations straight to my spine. 

She’s so beautiful. 

I want to destroy her. I want to make her never be able to forget about me. 

I want to live forever in that pretty head of hers forever. Is that bad?

“What’s your name?” i asked trying to hold myself from spilling all my thoughts.

“Mind your business.”

“I’m baekhyun.” I said as i looked over to the elevator numbers. I don’t have much time before we reach the top floor. 

There is only one way to get to a girl like her. And i have to work fast. Or else i’ll never be able to call myself a player again. 

I can’t lose this one. Not this one.

I looked her in the eyes before i stuck my hands into the pockets of my dress pants. “I guess i’ll call you what i want then.”

“I don’t think so.”

“oh, i think so babygirl. Because i do what i fucking want.”

She tilted one eyebrow and crossed her arms. “And just who the hell do you think you are?”

“Don’t worry about that, just come closer.”

She licked her lips before scoffing and looking away. Im not expecting words at this point. I can tell she’s waiting for my next line, or move.

Too bad i won’t make one until she does.

I unbuttoned my suit jacket and leaned onto the rail in the elevator. “I think you need a little attitude check, darling.”

“Oh? And who’s going to give it to me.”

I smirked at her and tilted my head. Her feet finally led her closer to my body and she stared into my eyes harder.

“Well?”

The game is over now. I already won. There’s no escaping me anymore.

I lifted my hand to place it softly under her chin and looked into her eyes as if i was staring at her soul. But i’m not. 

“You’re driving me crazy.” 

She bit her lip and put a dangerous claw over my jawline. 

“Kiss me.” She whispered into me.

My lips crashed into hers, not being able to hold it anymore. My hands ran down her sides and around her waist. She groaned into my mouth when i entered my tongue into hers. Her hands twisted into my styled hair, making it messy and i did the same to hers. I gripped any part of her my hands touched which made her get rougher with me. She tastes like champagne. And her smell reminds me of a hundred dollar bill that’s been sprayed with expensive perfume. I fucking love it. 

Before i could get any more into this moment the elevator bell rung in my ears as a notice that we’ve reached our destination. 

The girl backed away from me, looking dizzy in her eyes. A smile crossed her lips as she held onto my tie and twisted so that her back is facing me. We walked like that towards the hall that led to her fathers office. 

I had no idea what this floor looked like to be honest. This is all new to me. I’ve actually only been in this building once. 

But she doesn’t need to know all that. 

“Wait, My dads secretary isn’t here. Hm, she must she down stairs at the party.”

“Most likely, but where’s your dad?” I asked as i pointed at the big office with all the lights off.

The girl walked over to the place with a look of confusion. 

“Where the hell did he go?” 

I switched on the lights for her as she put her hands on her hips. Obviously giving up on her quest. 

I walked over to the desk in determination to put a smile back on her face. 

I’m sure her dad is somewhere around here. She doesn’t need to worry.

My ass filled the mans seat and i put a stern look on my face as if im a serious ceo man. 

“Well? Do you have my boring paper work, or did you come in my office to just stare at me?”

She laughed and shook her head. 

“Come on, play along love.”

“Ugh, okayyyy.” 

I winked at her before snapping back to my character. 

“No sir, i just came to stare at you.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

She swayed her hips sexily as she walked over to “my” desk. “Well, you see, i find you irresistibly sexy when you’re working. Sir.”

She was leaning over the desk as her finger lingered around her mouth. her lips still plump from my rough kisses in the elevator. 

Can i just devour her? 

I stood up and walked over to where she stood slightly bent over. “Bad girl.” I said before smacking her ass one good time. “Focusing on me when you should be focusing on your work.” And one more to make my words very clear.

“You’re right. i-i’m sorry.” She spoke through an aroused tone. 

I placed my hand next to hers on the desk and leaned in her ear, breathing softly. “No, you’re not.” I spoke to her with a calm tone in contrast to the rough way i pulled her hair as she hissed.

She quickly turned around before ripping my button up dress shirt open and revealing my body to her. She bit her lip and began to unbuckle my belt too.

“No more teasing.”

“No more teasing.” I repeated after her as i picked her up and put her onto the desk.

“JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!” A deep voice entered my ears and i sighed. 

I was so close. 

“Dad! It’s not what it looks like! He’s just showing me his tattoos!”

I snorted in laughter before turning around, showing off the boner that his daughter gave me in my boxer briefs  “No i wasn’t, but i was about to show her how to be a good girl for me. She’s been so bad lately. Sir.”

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!” 

“Shit! Run!” The girl jumped off the table before grabbing my hand and taking off which is very impressive because she’s in heels. 

We ran passed the furious man and his guards chased after us. I hit the button to the elevator harshly as she looked back and pouted when we reached the end of the hall. 

“I broke a nail.”

I deadpanned in reaction to her small complaint and then motioned to what’s in front of us. “Get your little ass in this elevator.”

Silence filled the air while i thought about the fact that i always get cockblocked whenever i try to fuck someone at one of these boring ass parties. Either karma loves fucking me over or no one wants me to have any real fun.

Maybe both. 

“My name is jina, by the way.”

“Pretty name.” I said with a slight smile.

She hit me on my exposed chest and crossed her arms. “I just thought you should know the name of the girl who’s life you fucking ruined. My dad is going to kill me because of you!”

“What? Don’t blame this on me. And trust me, i have a higher chance of getting strangled by your fathers bare hands than you do.”

“Yeah, yeah. You could at least thank me for saving your life.”

“I refuse your offer. Once again you can’t blame me for how sexy you look in that dress. Or how i could see part of your lace thong when you bent over your dads desk. I couldn’t help but take action” I said while undressing her with my eyes.

“Why don’t you come over here and take action again.”

Ding!

“On second thought. Let’s just keep running. I’m too young to die.” I said before i ran out of the elevator with no pants. I busted into the ball room looking for chanyeol with my eyes while jina latched onto my arm. 

“Baekhyun!?” Ms yes yelled from across the room when she saw me in the state im in. “What the fu-”

“There he is! Get that Little shit!” The body guards from before yelled when they came from no where. I’m guessing they took the stairs. How the hell are they not out of breath?

“Baekhyun, don’t just stand there! do something!” Jina screamed as she looked at the big men run towards us.

Fuck it.

I made a run for it, gripping the girls hand harshly. Chanyeol finally laid eyes on me and made a run for the exit too. 

“I told you not to mess with her!” He yelled at me as we ran.

“And you also told me to shut the fuck up, but did i listen? Of course not!” 

I never do.

“You’re quite the trouble maker aren’t you?” Jina asked as chanyeol unlocked the car.

“Me? Noooo. Now, what would give you that impression?”

AUTHORS NOTE : I am soooo sorryyyyy i got really busy and i had a bit of writers block T-T i really hope you guys accept this chapter of sugarboys as a way of me expression my appreciation for your patience and support. I hope you enjoyed this and if you did let me know :) 

Lots of loveee <3333 ~ laila

[wrecktify]

*  madelaine petsch, 23, she/her | oh, them? that’s holly clark. they’ve lived in carina bay for, like, five years. last time i spoke to them they were a translator, and if i remember correctly, they’re a libra. seeing them around always makes me think of hot chocolate with extra cinnamon, a diary locked tight, and still wishing on shooting stars.

TW;  DEATH MENT  ( SUICIDE )

A BIOGRAPHY

holly was born in cookeville, tennessee, and lived there up until she graduated. she grew up in the middle of five siblings, and was, notably,  the bleeding heart of the group.  her older siblings picked at her for being the crybaby, but her parents never did much in trying to help her grow thicker skin: they let her stay soft as long as she needed, trusting that one day she would come into her own. and, luckily enough, she did.

her parents kept this kind of approach to parenting their middle child. she appreciates them immensely, and knows how lucky she was to have parents that embraced her for who she was no matter what, and never pushed their own agendas onto her, but sometimes, she wishes they’d been a little more stern. because while they did manage to raise her into a compassionate and creative person this way, she got hard on herself, and for a while, she blamed them for it. holly has always been her own biggest critic, and a tougher one than any external influence in her life. she’s one of those kids that makes angry tweets about how the gifted and talented program fucks you up

when holly was 16, she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. she was diagnosed at one of her lowest points, when the pressure of school and planning for the future had pushed her almost into a burnout. she still heralds her old therapist for all the good she did for her, and is a fierce advocate for communication and seeking that sort of treatment.

once she graduated, she moved to moved to carina and commuted to a nearby university. she always wanted to live by the ocean, and, sure, the commute was a bitch, but well worth it in her mind. she changed her major and minor about 294 times before settling on double majoring in english and french. she loves literature, but also, the art of translating, and the way that, depending on who’s translating, a text can take on a hundred 

she moved in with a pair of roommates, allie and marilyn, and, like in any trinity, there were clear roles. she became a shoulder to cry on and someone to vent to when you got stood up on another tinder date. she embraced her role as pack mom.

tw death, implied suicide which is why, as if she didn’t feel cliche enough sometimes, she felt a little responsible for not noticing the signs that lead to allie’s death. she was the one allie vented to, the one who was supposed to pick up on if something was bothering her, or hurting her that bad. things became strained overtime between holly and marilyn as well, as they began to notice how the third piece of their puzzle may have been the glue that held it together all along.

after skidding past the finish line at graduation and taking some time to go home and be with her family, holly’s found herself back in carina. as much as she would love to escape the darker memories of the town, she was ultimately drawn back to the ocean she loves and the clear mind it gives her.

THE LEGEND

you know that one really cool ra who’s like down 2 talk about stuff u know u could get in trouble for but also overwhelmingly supportive of ur studies and well-being above all else?? thats holly

idk like. an important thing 2 me about holly that i hope comes across is that she hasn’t let problems in her own life kick her down like she’s one of those people that in hard times didn’t harden up but instead learned 2 more embrace the good and try her best to make sure other people don’t hit the lows that she knows are possible to hit

she still intends to go back and properly get her masters in interpretation and translation so she can do some more meaningful work, but for now, she’ll settle for the freelance quickie stuff.

i always feel so weird putting Serious Topics in my bios bc like i dont want it 2 seem like im glossing over Serious Things i just dont want it 2 be 2 sensationalized or anything but that has nothing 2 do w holly its just a disclaimer..

she has a border collie named ziggy and he’s her real best friend.

another thing 2 note is that while holly is overtly kind and supportive she’s not a doormat and she’s not someone who’s gonna take crap or sacrifice too much of herself just to make people happy. she’s read enough self help books to know that there’s just parts of yourself you can’t compromise, and not everyone is gonna like you. she’s friendly, but she won’t break her back trying to get you to reciprocate it.

she calls herself queer and doesnt fuss much with labels she is who she is and she loves who she lvoes and thats that hunnies !

ok like its a really lame thing 2 base a muse off but like , u know those barbie vlogs that went around of like the cartoon barbie that talked about self care and girl power and being kind??? those are holly vibes.

does ur muse have a big sister??? no??? they do now.

[dyketectivecomics]

So...what ARE you feelings on bruce being a Pisces? Let alone that Cass is an Aquarius, Dick is an Aries, Jason's a Leo and Tim's a cancer?

I slowly shut my laptop and set it aside on my bed, staring ahead at nothing in particular as I reminisce on a favorite Pisces in my life. My best friend since childhood, a girl who i’ve known for well over a decade, more than half of my life really, who happens to share the exact same birthday as Fictional Character Bruce Wayne. A Pisces-cusp.

I think on the similarities I see between them, the qualities of her character that only I and a few others would know, and try to think on how others have perceived her before joining our friend group over the years. I admire her empathy, her passion for music and video games, her willingness to put all of her friends above herself. 

And then i remember how she drunk-texted our group chat last night just to tell us she loved us & that she couldn’t wait to hit up a gay bar with us when we’re all back in town.

And I cackle. Because if no one else does, I do see these qualities in Bruce Wayne’s character. Just a hair below all the so-called brooding and angst. Bruce is a water sign who’s a little emotionally stunted in that he tries to hide his feelings, but he feels oh-so-very much. He’s a Pisces trying to emulate a Scorpio and falling just short (bc lets be real, he’s got too many kids that he definitely dotes on) but yknow… it’s something that when he’s done correctly by writers, they somehow manage to fit those qualities in without even realizing, I think. Sure, he’s not a kid that I grew up with and there’s plenty of differences because my friend is, yknow, an actual person who’s more than a couple of personality traits. But damn if I don’t see similarities….

Now, as for the rest of the kids & others that I relate them to… (under the cut, tagging as “long post” for mobile users just incase tumblr wants to be a butt again) Also a warning bc some of this will sound like I’m ripping from astrology sites but honestly just narrowed things down from my own personal experience with these signs. Take all of this observation & comparison with a grain of salt, if you wish.

Cass is an aquarius, like myself. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t see more than a few similarities in what few scattered stories I’ve been able to read so far (or even that I might be prone to reading a bit too much into some of it bc hey, I have a fav now & I want to see myself in her, sue me). One of these days I’m probably going to sit down and really dive in, but for now, I gather what I can, listen to the meta that others have, and ofc, try to form my own opinion. 

That being said, an eccentric-ass Aquarius is really the only choice to take over the mantle from a sensitive-ass Pisces, and everyone can fite me on this. Aquarians & Pisces, my friend and I, Bruce and Cass- all on a similar wavelength, esp when they’re encouraging each other and learning to grow from one another.

Cass is an air sign that most people only see as being grounded because of the discipline David Cain instilled in her from childhood. She’s funny, wise beyond her years, and intensely dedicated to the mission at hand bc of what it means to help others as a whole. And this is fault that I see in myself and in her: she’s got plenty of empathy for those she might already be close to, and absolutely cares about humanity in a greater sense, but caring for individuals without getting to know them can be uncomfortable. She’s driven, but can be blindsided by that dedication and burn herself out easily if others don’t intervene. Also, an introverted extrovert, one who’s absolutely ready to meet with others and collaborate/team-up, but can get a little lost in her own head from time-to-time.

…

Now, Dick the Aries. My other best friend since childhood also shares this sign with my First Favorite Robin. And I do see more than a number of parallels between the two of them. My aries friend has a penchant for taking over projects and setting themselves in charge of the operation. But they also have the charm and ingenuity to make themselves to seem the perfect and best fit for that leadership position. They’re rebellious, a little brash in decision-making, but they’ve also mellowed out over the years in many small ways. Still on fire about what they’re most passionate about in life, and more than willing to achieve it by any means necessary, damn anyone who thinks that they won’t.

There’s a popular consensus in fanon to make dick a kind of hufflepuff who’s just there for his friends & loves hugs and is lovey all around- but Dick is driven. He cares for his friends fiercely and will help them absolutely, but he’s ready to avenge them too. He’ll punch you in the face, pirouette with the utmost amount of sass, and then make you feel bad for making him do it in the first place. He’s got that bit of deviousness that will make you second guess his intentions. But if you’re already part of his inner circle, you have nothing to fear from him. And that’s where his lovey side then has room to come out.

…

Moving on to Jason the leo, and I know you didn’t ask, but Im adding Stephanie to this discussion as well since she’s a leo too. A few leos that I’ve gotten to know over the years can be summed up very lovingly as this: attention whores. (again. very lovingly. i love each and every one of those bitches so damn much, this is something they’ve each used to describe themselves lmao)

Leo is the King of the Zodiac, commanding attention in the room whenever they walk in. They’ve got plenty to say, of course, and they’re excellent diplomats/socialites in many ways. Often best suited for a leadership position. They know how to read the conversation and the room and turn it best into their favor. They will dazzle you with their wit and charm, but also in their knowledge of the subject at hand. If they have an Opinion, they’ll absolutely let you know what it is, and they’re not afraid to hold back on what they perceive to be a truth. Some will have a bit more tact than others, but they’re a fire sign, after all. 

Did this just describe Jason & Steph? well maybe not to some, but I definitely see their drive to complete their own missions & joining up Bruce’s crusade as Leo qualities. Steph and Jay are willing to do what it takes and butt heads with whoever they must if it means doing what they see is right. They’re absolutely social people too (maybe Steph a bit more than Jay will be), and you can’t deny they’ve both got a certain kind of charm over the rest of the family.

…

Tim the cancer sign… this is… difficult actually. One of the few signs that I don’t recall having significant interaction with. (& honestly the character & Robin that I have the least personal interest in. I do want to like him but I just…??? Havent rlly found the time to put into reading up on him more)

But just going off the water sign aspect, and knowing water signs in my life… Emotions & emotional intelligence are obviously going to be at the forefront. From what I’ve gathered on Tim, he’s very well-rounded in all areas of his life, and driven to succeed at whatever he’s set his mind to. I can absolutely respect the strength his character has commanded over the years, and his popularity is absolutely earned, I think. Writers have worked hard to make sure he’s distinct from Dick & Jason before him in many ways, and I’ll have to look deeper into his character & listen to more meta on him before I’ll be comfortable to speak further on that.

…

To round out this discussion, I want to bring Barbara into the mix, because she’s had a fixed birthday for awhile now. And tbh she’s just as much part of the family as the rest I think (yes, I know some people get Babs fatigue bc she’s the first batgirl & gets the other girls lost in the shuffle but hey! I’ve loved her for awhile now!) She is *drum roll* a Libra!

Now, this ones a bit tricky, bc the most important Libra in my life is my mom. Buuuut, she and Babs are both cusps… on opposite ends of this zodiac sign. I admire my mother for her resolve, inventiveness, work ethic, and stability. I also loathe her tendency to micromanage projects, become overly involved in the work of others (to the point where she WILL find out whats going wrong) and how she tends to overwork herself (just this past spring has been really really difficult. I’m surprised she hasn’t worked herself into the grave with the amount of stress she puts on herself)

Now some of these qualities, I absolutely see in Babs. But I also see a bit more awareness in her character, esp when she’s grown up into her Oracle persona. She seems able to recognize what she’s doing and how she’s affecting others, and will sometimes use that to her advantage. She’s a character who’s grown into the adversity she faces & doesnt let it change her resolve for completing the mission, even if it needs to be from a new (& probably better) angle. She adapts well to change, or forces the change to adapt to her. She is a force to be reckoned with and admired.

…

All of this to say… at the end of the day, the stars are still just balls of gas and light that sit some billion light-years away from us. Do they really control our personalities? I mean, probably not. But there’s enough similarities in those traits to make you wonder… and it’s honestly just a Good Fun Time regardless. 

[indigo474]

2/28/21

i think today was my grandpop birthday. hes been dead so long i forget. my phone rings,i dont answer it. i get a text saying happy birthday great one. from the time i had the thought that today might be his birthday to the time i got that text- less then a minute. i think i sent everything correctly to the childsupport people. of course x isnt just going to hand me money we have to go through the courts. no surprise there. i am very aware of the ways i suffer. because of my thoughts. im starting to think i have ptsd. i never really understood what it was. recently ive looked into it just a little and i do have symptoms. the intrusive thoughts- out of no where i will remember something that was said or done. this week i swore i thought about every time i went to him and tried to have a conversation about how i was unhappy with our marriage looking for some sort of solution or explanation or understanding compassion can we at least talk about this and try to make things better. trying to make some sort of connection- something. those conversations never ended good for me. i was always reminded how ungrateful i was, it would just become a session to bash me, beat me down. i was reminded again and again how good i had it and how maybe if i was able to contribute financially to the family he wouldnt have to work so hard and wouldnt be so tired. it would just go on and on. as the kids got older he would make it a point to announce to them how Mom’s unhappy. needless to say nothing was every resolved i was always left feeling like i was the problem, if i could just be happy. The one word that came to me this week was cruel. what he did and said to me was just cruel. i cant remember one time he ever said to me hey lets work this out. he was just cruel. i beat myself up for trying. i know now i wasnt dealing with a normal person. but then i kept trying to somehow make it work or at the very least keep the peace. i got angry at Mad this week. she has this habit of telling me about me- your this your that- and the big one telling me to pretty much shut up. she wont come out and say shut up but will dismiss what i am saying. its a trigger for me. its almost like i cant tolerate someone not hearing me. i have the right to talk and be heard.  im trying to not think about these things that come up. like the cruel past with X.  im getting better at treating myself with compassion. i do feel bad for who i was and what i put up with. its funny though after years of hearing all the shit he said to me- i could make a list- none of it good- i believed it, im convinced he used me so he could get his dad to buy him a house. he needed a wife and kids. anyway im not sure how i survived- thats not entirely true- lots of bad habits and ways to escape. and the truth is i almost didnt survive. im convinced i wouldnt have survived. im also convinced its a miracle i left. anyway back to the ptsd- im ultra scared to see him. im honestly not sure how the fuck i am going to go to court and see his face. its freaking me out because this is someone i lived with for 20 + years. i think the last 10 years at least i lived in a constant state of fear and now that ive been away from that the thought of seeing him and being in the same room- as much as i can try to not feel part of me thinks its perfectly ok for me to feel anyway i want. i have to tell myself he cant hurt me any more. 

[angelrizzoli]

harriet - ash text dump

Harriet Clarington

it seems we’re finally in the same place

ash clarington

Dad finally got to you?

Harriet Clarington

he threatened to burn my novel if I didn't return this year

ash clarington

you threaten to burn your own novel

Harriet Clarington

I do but that is my right as the author, I also burned all my clothes. It did not sway him

ash clarington

he doesn’t change his mind welcome to the club

Harriet Clarington

Surely you see this school is as pointless as I do

ash clarington

I’m biased, I think everything is pointless Dad called it a conduit to success

Harriet Clarington

Learning about how to tie someone up correctly is not a conduit to anything of use

ash clarington

how are you?

Harriet Clarington

As well as one can be when trapped in this climate, you?

ash clarington

the weather hasn’t been that bad, I can’t only imagine middle of summer

Harriet Clarington

Are you too floating alone in darkness?

ash clarington

in an abstract way is the power out everywhere?

Harriet Clarington

I do believe so, I’m glad to learn that you are not lost to the eternal blackness though I had written half of an excellent poem about the pain of losing ones sister

ash clarington

text me if you trip near deaths doorstep or whatever

Harriet Clarington

evidently who else would publish my incomplete manuscripts so that I might live in through the pages

ash clarington

Maybe we should spend time together

Harriet Clarington

im cordial to the concept

ash clarington

why can’t you just say yes?

Harriet Clarington

I did

ash clarington

Harriet

Harriet Clarington

I accepted the invitation in the way in which I would normally accept an invitation

ash clarington

I haven’t heard what you’ve added to your book

Harriet Clarington

I wrote a particularly stunning chapter about the woes of the female lead after she looses her ghost lover to a black abyss

ash clarington

when is the last time you did a dramatic reading?

no

let me rephrase, when is the last time you've done a dramatic reading to living ears?

Harriet Clarington

I.. don't believe I've shared my work since I was at Oxford

people around here are small minded

ash clarington

well, you know that if I have to listen to you be dramatic I'd rather you be reading

Harriet Clarington

that would.. be a very pleasant thing of you to do

[

19:46

]

i have some lovely cookies that i purchased on a trip to france

ash clarington

whenever you want

Harriet Clarington

I hear you were in a physical altercation

Do you require medical attention

ash clarington

no

I broke her nose

Harriet Clarington

This is uncharacteristic for you

ash clarington

I know

she pushed the wrong buttons

I was trying to get rid of something I didn't want around anymore

Harriet Clarington

Are you in a great deal of emotional distress?

ash clarington

not a great deal

anymore

Do you know Emerson Fabray?

Harriet Clarington

I do not

Why? Is she a part of the emotional distress?

ash clarington

No she stopped me

she helped

Odette took something that didn't belong to her

But I hadn't intended to hit her

Harriet Clarington

Perhaps we should reward her in some way

ash clarington

I'll find a way to thank her

Harriet Clarington

I have to inform you of something

ash clarington

You're leaving again already I'm already sitting.

Harriet Clarington

I think you might be angry with me, because last year I discovered something and I did not inform you

we have a half brother named Alexander whom also resides in Florida

ash clarington

Rephrase that with more details please.

Harriet Clarington

When I arrived in Florida last year a man reached out to me named Alexander whom is our fathers illegitimate son. He wanted to try to form a relationship with me

ash clarington

and did you?

Harriet Clarington

I text him sometimes

ash clarington

you texted this supposed brother, sometimes, all last year?

Harriet Clarington

On occasion, I told him I’m not all that emotional

ash clarington

well he must be an extraordinary person to have been graced by your interest guess I'll have to meet him

Harriet Clarington

He’s a surgeon

Well he was

I’m informing you of his existence because he’s coming to work at the school

ash clarington

I don't care Harriet

Harriet Clarington

You’re angry with me I imagine

I just didn’t think it was of particular importance until now

ash clarington

I'm honestly not shocked. Dad is going to hate us knowing about this but that's not why I'm mad

Harriet Clarington

I have very little interest in what he thinks. He’s the one who had intercourse not me

I am however concerned with you being angry with me

It wasn’t my intention

ash clarington

It never is

thanks for letting me know

Harriet Clarington

Why? Are you angry with me if not for the concealment

ash clarington

how many times did you text me last year?

Harriet Clarington

I don’t recall

ash clarington

[ read ]

Harriet Clarington

Ashley.. I must confess I very much regret having made you angry with me

ash clarington

Oh? Growth maybe.

Harriet Clarington

I apologise profusely

ash clarington

For what?

Harriet Clarington

Making you angry

ash clarington

That’s all?

Harriet Clarington

I regret we have not communicated more before now

I simply didn’t know you wished to hear from me

ash clarington

Ok

Harriet Clarington

Are you still angry with me? It has been suggested I bring you food, I don’t cook but I have some excellent jam

ash clarington

Do not bring me jam

or anything else

Harriet Clarington

So you are still angry with me

ash clarington

if it makes you feel better, no

Harriet Clarington

But you are

I'm not interested in falsehoods

I wish to make ammends

ash clarington

alright then just no. I’m not

Harriet Clarington

Can I take you to lunch

ash clarington

Not this week. I’m too busy

Harriet Clarington

Next week

ash clarington

maybe

Harriet Clarington

what are your plans for Thanksgiving

ash clarington

Good question.

Harriet Clarington

I have no intention of returning home

ash clarington

I hadn’t remembered that was an option.

Harriet Clarington

Are you still angry with me or would you hear a suggestion

ash clarington

Are you going to tell me anyway?

Harriet Clarington

Alexander has invited us to thanksgiving

I was going to suggest we get food at a restaurant but now this invitation has cropped up

ash clarington

Are you going?

Harriet Clarington

That depends on if you are

I wanted us to spend Thanksgiving together

ash clarington

oh did you? That’s new.

Harriet Clarington

I believe I announced that intention earlier in this conversation

I don’t celebrate thanksgiving

But I’ll make an exception

ash clarington

I spent the last two thanksgivings cooking entire meals and assisting my Mistress host dinner parties. I’m going to spend this one drunk, watching my roommate cook.

Harriet Clarington

I find you confusing

ash clarington

what about that is confusing?

Harriet Clarington

You were upset with me when I didn’t speak to you, but when I try to speak you then you don’t wish to hear from me

ash clarington

When you asked all those people what to do when someone is upset with you, did you follow any of the advice at all? That’s what I’ll be doing. If you really want to spend thanksgiving with me, I’ll save you a bottle.

ash clarington

what is your favorite childhood memory?

ash clarington

I can't see myself sitting through an entire dinner without wanting to pull my hair out so, I told Alex I would do a late breakfast. brunch His wife sounds nice.

Harriet Clarington

I will... be at whatever thanksgiving celebration you are willing to have me at

I value having you as a sister Ashley

ash clarington

I'm sure that's true.

My roommate is cooking. I wont be any fun but, I will be there for the remainder of the day.

Harriet Clarington

I'll be there

I'm not much for thanksgiving dinner though

ash clarington

Alright.

Harriet Clarington

I am... somewhat surprised

ash clarington

Just surprised?

Harriet Clarington

I have never particularly thought my mark was of any interest.. however I think I’m somewhat pleased

ash clarington

You keep saying somewhat

Harriet Clarington

I don’t know. Should I be more interested

ash clarington

Not if you don't want to be, I guess. Socially you just took a step up the totem pole so, you technically don't have to. Don't you want to?

Harriet Clarington

I have never particularly believed in the idea of dominants as the pinnacle of society. I admire creativity, resilience and intelligence far more than assertiveness or dominance.

I have no issue with being purely a dominant, I had no real interest in submission but I simply assumed that was because I didn’t want to submit to anyone I’d met

ash clarington

Dominants can be all of those things too. It isn't just barking orders.

Harriet Clarington

I am aware I simply meant I’ve never had more respect for dominants simply because they are dominant

I have performed a variety of scenes as the dominant party

ash clarington

So you're happy?

ash clarington

Are you going to this ball?

Harriet Clarington

I am indeed

ash clarington

It does seem like your niche

Harriet Clarington

Are you? I am rather looking forward to the whole thing. Sawyer Hudson is a decent sort

ash clarington

I am. Can’t say I know them but, Dani asked me. Do you have a date?

Harriet Clarington

That’s wonderful, I don’t know her but I am glad you were asked

Indeed. I have been paired with Adaline Sterling

ash clarington

Dani is very kind. Although I won’t be staying long. Do you know her?

Harriet Clarington

Do you require an outfit?

I do not, but Sawyer Hudson assured me it’s a good match

ash clarington

I was going to see what I could pull together this weekend. I’d meant to order something days ago but, slipped my mind.

Harriet Clarington

Well I can offer you a piece from my personal regency collection

we are similar sizes, and they are rather beautiful

ash clarington

you have a whole collection? Never mind, I’m not actually surprised. Yes. That would be great.

Harriet Clarington

Indeed. I like to feel the part while indulging in Bronte and Austen.

I do not have plans this weekend, come over and I can find you something

ash clarington

Saturday?

Harriet Clarington

Sounds splendid

ash clarington

alright

Harriet Clarington

What are your feelings about this mark switching business?

ash clarington

more incentive to stay in my room. Are you having mark whiplash?

Harriet Clarington

To some degree, I am uninterested in the experiment

ash clarington

Only some?

Harriet Clarington

Well I don't imagine I would pair up with anyone who would actually make me submit, because I simply would refuse

Do you have a planned pairing?

ash clarington

How very bratty of you No.

Harriet Clarington

I suppose it is rather, the idea is a little amusing

I would suggest we paired up, but I think it would rob you of a chance to properly experience this week

ash clarington

I’ve done it before. At my old school. I don’t like it. Make your own rules.

Harriet Clarington

I am sorry you will be once again unconvinced

Blasted autocorrect

I meant inconvenienced

I shall make my own rules

ash clarington

Rules or show. Of course. It wasn't like this, it was voluntary. But I hardly had the right interests the first time, I'm not interested in trying at it again.

Harriet ClaringtonBOT

Should you change your mind I would not force you to continue your arrangement with me. However I have been asked to submit before and I am uninterested in doing so again. It takes time out of my writing schedule

ash clarington

I appreciate your help the past few weeks. Consider it returning the favor.

Harriet Clarington

I’ve enjoyed your company.

I’m glad you’re getting well again1 January 2021

Harriet Clarington

Happy New Year sister

ash clarington

Happy New Year Harriet

ash clarington

Would you want to be staying at mine for the week?

Harriet Clarington

I actually have an empty apartment, I figured you might wish to reside with me

ash clarington

okay, sure. How are your rules coming?

Harriet Clarington

1. Harriet will complete the binding of the copies of her book she means to give to Ashley and Alexander 2. Harriet will continue to be an upstanding member of the community 3. Harriet will provide Ash with food

ash clarington

Only three huh?

Harriet Clarington

I wasn’t under the impression that you and I were taking this all that seriously?

ash clarington

No but it has to at least halfway look like we are.

Harriet Clarington

1. Harriet will follow all school rules 2. Harriet will behave in a manner befitting of her station 3. Harriet will dress in a manner that brings dignity and class to her person 4. Harriet will complete her usual daily tasks 5. Harriet will complete the binding of the copies of her book she means to give to Ashley and Alexander 6. Harriet will continue to be an upstanding member of the community 7. Harriet will provide Ash with food

This is somewhat my own personal code

ash clarington

Great. Thanks.

Harriet Clarington

Would you care to go out to dinner?

ash clarington

Sounds good. I'll come by to drop some things for the week off first.

Harriet Clarington

Perfect. I will dress for dinner

ash clarington

Hi. Checking to make sure all that existential dread hasn’t caught up to you.

Harriet Clarington

No.. the opposite actually

ash clarington

Existential joy?

Harriet Clarington

They’re going to publish my book

I haven’t told anyone yet, so please don’t say anything

ash clarington

Who would I tell? Congratulations. You deserve it.

Harriet Clarington

You have a variety of associates

Thank you, I’m somewhat taken back that it was accepted immediately. Though they want to make edits

ash claringtonBOT

You've been working on it a long time, I'm not surprised.

Harriet Clarington

I need to speak with you about something

ash clarington

ok Urgently?

Harriet Clarington

Relatively urgently

ash clarington

What’s wrong?

Harriet Clarington

As you are aware I have been offered a publishing deal, but this deal is conditional on my taking in part in a book tour to promote the book as well as a series of interviews

Which will require me to relocate to New York

ash clarington

I see. You’re leaving. Rooms of people strictly there to listen to you talk about your book. Cant imagine anything you’d want more.

Harriet Clarington

I am. However I would like.. to stay in better contact with you this time

I would offer that you accompany me, but rooms of people talking about my books doesn't seem like your thing

[edmartinsta]

Nice To Think I’m Still On Here

Woah has life changed since this. Tumblr is my first place I ever published anything and posted anything before Facebook and Twitter were even a thing for me. I cant tell you how excited I am to know that from here on out I can log in and continue something special to my heart. My posts are a little here and there so I hope I dont scare you away or weird you out or make it boring. From this moment I’ll try to continue my content through here where I know only one person will actually know to find me and no one else haha. To those that may not know me so well I used to be a music blog where I would talk about so much stuff until I realized I wanted to make a website. This was more of a private thing and actually more public than it is now with Tumblr’s popularity back in 2010ish when everyone I thought was cool owned a Tumblr. I guess I can’t blame them I left for a long time this and fell off hard even though I probably could have done something pretty cool with it by now or used it to help me on my other things. 

Little update: I left high school in 2013 so not much after the music posts I remember stopping this and maybe continuing it here and there, After there I went to community college where I ended up making lost of memories which im sure I’ll have plenty of time reminiscing with you guys, I then moved to Chicago to follow my dreams as a designer and stayed out there for about four years. Was amazing and could have been better if I planned better and actually could get a job out there that was laidback as I was a pretty tardy asshole to my employers. I wasnt late by hours but I was late often and if that didnt get me fired I would simply quit and never show my face there again. It was a mess, I was a mess, everything was fucked up but everything was also new and fascinating. I dont regret any of it. Now its been years since college and sadly I never finished with a semester remaining. That was a terrible day for my mother I could see she wanted to yell and cry because I told her I got expelled basically from art school for flunking. Man that was a terrible situation I tried to tell people I really tried my best was just a reckless kid who could never get any sleep and was always thinking of what to do and not doing the stuff. Ugh I get upset just thinking about it. So much time wasted. But I suppose I at least realize it now....also that I still dont regret it, it shapes us these failures. im 25 now and soon to be 26 and honestly I’m scared shitless. I feel like i never saved anything, never built credit, havent gone on a date in years, havent gone to eat with friends more than five times in six years, have broken almost everything I own in some sort of way. i dont eat correctly all the time, i dont exercise to keep the figure i used to have less than two years ago. I started college senior year of high school and somehow still screwed up the process and fell behind over and over again and even got screwed by the education system and now have tons of debt which im barely getting out of because of my amazing mom who is also the most toxic person in my life. Man........i know I look bad i know i suck.....im not perfect in any way.....I lost my way..........I know my way back and what I gotta do but........that time ill never get back. Ive never had a stable job in my life for god sake. Ugh I hope I dont come off as a failure I feel it completely but I dont want to be one. I have done so much in my life and met amazing people that honestly makes it all worth something but damn my heart........I don’t want to blame anyone but myself. My parents werent the best educated and still scares me to think I was so alone when I was younger that even my parents only talked to me to put me down and still kinda do but now we can carry a conversation and bond a smidge...im 25......

This quickly turned into something more than just a update I got caught up. But I want to take this extra step in my life to document on here most of my thoughts and things as I used to back before high school culture was no more for me. To Christina.....if you read this at all...just know the only thing over the past couple years on my mind has been you if not my purpose in this life..my life....has been nothing short of terrible since we last talked and yeah I had a ton of good luck too and am blessed to say the least but the man I said I wanted to become just hasnt happened yet. I let myself go for a bit...but now I want to show the world and you...that the past couple years didnt just happen for nothing....there is so much, so fucking much I got planned and been planning for that I just hope you see why it took so long. My time will come..and maybe one day we can talk and laugh about all this because you were one of the most memorable people ever to cross paths with and even though we barely text each other anymore I hope one day we can be good friends again. Im sure we all been so busy surviving. 

To those who got this far I really didnt expect anyone to finish this. It was a huge ramble. But I hope you can see I came a bit moody into the post but also with hope and excitement that Tumblr will be my home again for getting away from social media. Its been almost two years since I posted on Facebook and I dont use instagram as much anymore so ill be on here :D message me if anyone wants to be friends or anyone who may relate heck anyone who thinks they wanna be friends haha penpals that maybe have art side to them too??? hahah okay thats all bye everyone <3