#also if anyone complains that they don’t look related I’m going to your house and drink all the juice you have

[thesadboy]

THE BASTARDS OF SAERA TARGARYEN

“From Essos came three rival competitors, grandsons of King Jaehaerys through his daughter Saera, each sired by a different father. One was said to be the very image of his grandsire in his youth.”

“Princess Saera herself was still alive and well in Volantis, and only thirty-four years of age; her own claim was clearly superior to those of any of her bastard sons, but she did not choose to press it. ‘I have my own kingdom here,’ she said, when asked if she meant to return to Westeros.”

This has been a long time coming, but I finally got it lol

Their names (plus fathers) L-R

Top: Braxaerys (sired by Braxton “Stinger” Beesbury), Gaella (sired by Tarquin Sand of House Dayne), Maegara (sired by Innenno Maegiros, a Tyroshi silk and wine merchant)

Bottom: Vaemon (sired by Varron Paenymion, a Triarch of Volantis), Daenys (sired by Bolthos Zoqu, a Summer Islander sellsword), Aelyx (sired by Thorio Aeleros, a Braavosi mummer)

Lore below the cut (mostly for my fellow saerahead cough @vaegonposting cough)👇

Braxerys, Maegara, and Vaemon were the ones who went to Westeros to press their claims. People just thought Maegara was an effeminate man because of her clothing and slightly androgynous looks. She didn’t bother correcting them because it amused her lol.

The siblings actually get along and are far more close knit and healthier overall compared to Saera and her own siblings. They have their differences but they do love each other (and not in that Targ way).

Each of them, save Aelyx, have different professions. Braxaerys is the justiciar of a Pentoshi magister, Gaella is a respected paymistress and negotiator of the Gallant Men, Maegara followed after her father’s footsteps and became a merchant, Vaemon is a shipwright of a shipping company and captain to his own galley, and Daenys is part of an artisan’s guild in Myr.

Vaemon’s paternal grandmother is a Dothraki woman whose khalasar was ambushed by slavemasters, being one of the few who eluded/hid from them. She managed to make it to Volantis and slowly climb the ranks by offering her services as a scribe and advisor. Vaemon visits her from time to time.

Braxaerys, Maegara, and Vaemon coming to Westeros as competing successor claims was just something they did because they and their mom thought it’d be funny to stir shit up. Each of them played exagerrated caricatures just to see if the Westerosi would buy it. Vaemon was even acting the opposite of his actual soft-spoken personality and being all flamboyant (as was noted in F&B) and bringing an elephant with him (dad lent it to him for the “vacation”). Once their claims were rejected and they left King’s Landing, they regrouped in Dorne’s harbor to meet with Gaella who sailed there in advance via a ship Vaemon lent her, boarded the ship, and laughed about how the Westerosi genuinely bought their “funny crazy foreigner” act.

Aelyx, being the youngest, is still trying to figure out what he wants to do. So he regularly accompanies his older siblings to see if he feels some interest or calling to their trades. Saera, for her part, tends to miss her baby boy, but she always reassures herself knowing that his older siblings are reliable.

Gaella was named after Gael and Daella, since Saera wanted to honor them in some way, and also out of guilt for how she alienated herself from Daella. Maegara was named after Maegelle and to a lesser extent, Viserra, since they were the two that Saera missed the most (she and Viserra were always close, contrary to popular opinion, and Maegelle secretly helped her escape the motherhouse). Vaemon, meanwhile, was named after Gaemon and Valerion (she doesn’t talk about it a lot, but seeing the deaths of her baby brothers traumatized her and she still grieves for them).

When Braxaerys announced his sire, most didn't believe that Braxaerys’ father is Braxton, thinking that Saera had just become half-mad after witnessing his death. What they don’t know was that Saera was actually pregnant at the time she had been punished by her father for her scandal, and it was part of what motivated her to escape the motherhouse and flee to Essos. Since Braxton was the last of her male companions that she slept with before word got out of her scandal, she was able to correctly guess that he was the father of her first child. For what it's worth though, Braxton's cousin once removed was at Kingslanding at that time and he noted with astonishment how much the young lad did remind him of his kin, and he does share Braxton’s coloring.

While most believe that Vaemon is the one who was said to have resembled his grandsire, it was actually Braxaerys who does. Specifically, Braxaerys looks like Jaehaerys but with Braxton's coloring (+freckles). The Old King just felt sour that the one grandson from Saera who looked remarkably like him was also Stinger's bastard (a postmortem fuck you from Braxton, if you will lol), so he had writings that specify Braxaerys having that resemblance scrapped or rewritten.

Daenys and Aelyx are very close, seeing as they’re the youngest of the family and they don’t have as big of an age gap with each other.

Maegara embraces her Tyroshi heritage wholeheartedly. She loves dying her hair all sorts of colors and wearing unusual hats. Though when she wants to be discreet, she either dyes her hair pure black or shaves it all off, the latter causing Saera some distress (her time in the Motherhouse has traumatized her).

Gaella and Braxaerys would occasionally sail to Westeros to meet with their kin on their fathers' side. The fact both of their fathers died before either of them were born makes it all the more important for them, since they still want to connect with them on some level. Braxaerys, sadly, is treated with indifference or resentment by most of his Beesbury kin. This is because the events surrounding his conception resulted in Braxton's death, which some of them (including Braxton's mother) can't help but blame Braxaerys for. His uncle, Braxton's younger brother, does adore him though. Gaella, meanwhile, is welcomed and embraced by most of House Dayne, since they see her as another piece of Tarquin left, especially since he was one of the few children his father (Gaella's grandfather) had who survived past the cradle. Dorne being remarkably less prejudiced to bastards also helps.

On her father's side, Gaella considers herself to have two grandmothers: Lady Arella Dayne neé Tolland (Tarquin's stepmother) and Mara, a nursemaid and Tarquin's birth mother. Arella, being the legal wife, is married to Lord Altos Dayne. Mara, being commonborn, is Lord Altos' paramour who was his long time childhood friend. Altos took Mara as his paramour with his wife's permission and understanding that whatever children they have won't inherit Starfall, and it was an agreement all parties took to heart. Mara and Arella are good friends and both cared for Tarquin deeply, so both also consider Gaella their granddaughter.

Vaemon and Daenys would often go sailing together, as Daenys was interested in learning how to do so, and Vaemon saw no reason to exclude her from it. Because of this, he’s her favorite older brother, and second favorite brother overall (Aelyx will always be her favorite brother).

Braxaerys would sometimes act as his mother’s eyes and ears from Kingslanding, at least prior to him going there with Vaemon and Maegara to formally present himself as a claimant to the Iron Throne. It was also there that he met his half-brother on his father’s side (one of Braxton’s other bastards), Harmen Waters, and the two got along well.

Daenys, once she was confident in her sailing skills, would regularly visit her paternal relatives in the Summer Isles. She also struck up a friendship with a woman there named Amarra who was a traveling merchant with her own ship and crew, and the two regularly exchanged letters and gossip, along with gifts.

Gaella is often underestimated due to appearing as a pampered and spoiled lady, something that she is well aware of, so she makes use of this image most have of her. Around potential enemies, she makes herself come off as vapid, spoiled, and naive so that they let their guard down. It’s only among trusted allies that she shows her true colors as a cunning and competent negotiator.

Aelyx, while insecure in his capabilities and skills, is a very talented musician. He’s been described as having a beautiful singing voice and is skilled with the harp and flute. His family, however, didn’t know about this until one morning when Daenys saw him playing a song he made up for some of the local children he befriended with a flute he bought.

Vaemon would soon meet and be introduced to Daenys’ friend Amarra, and he admired and respected her for business and sailing skills. The two regularly crossed paths and shared correspondence, and it soon became apparent that they had grown to have feelings for each other. They eventually married in a ceremony following the Summer Islander’s traditions and rituals.

[jiraisupportgroup]

why do you get to sit in your heated home with daddy’s money and tell everyone who can and can’t wear jirai kei?

I don’t usually respond to stuff like this, especially because I’m fairly certain this was just ripped from a popular j-fashion creators video, but:

I feel like I make it quite clear that when I talk about jirai kei it’s just my opinions. I openly state that I’m likely a dumbass and you should take my word with a grain of salt considering I’m not a spokesperson for the Jirai Kei community, I’m not an expert on Jirai Kei, I also don’t speak Japanese so I can’t rly access a lot of “OG” jirai kei content that launched the community.

Additionally: I’ve never stated that anyone can’t wear anything. The closest I’ve gotten to that is when I state that I don’t generally believe “jirai kei” is the appropriate term for the fashion (therefore you can’t rly “wear it” if we want to be super technical) or when I said that “fashion jirais” who complain about the community can fuck off.

Never at any point in that did I say that anyone can’t wear anything. If you want to wear girly kei or dark girly or larme or ryousangata or whatever the fuck you want to wear - by all means please do. My main point is if you don’t like the jirai kei community, don’t interact with it. You can post coords and find friends and have a lot of fun with the clothing if that’s want you want to do. You can buy Liz Lisa & MCM bags and generally live your best ryousangata life. You don’t have to interact with the jirai kei community to do that. Block the people you find annoying. Block tags, block accounts, block whatever you don’t want to see. No one is going to be mad at you for not wanting to interact with the “dark side” of jirai kei (as people love to call it for some reason) UNLESS you’re adamantly saying “the dark side is wrong” and then using a shitload of jirai-related tags. Other tags for these clothes exist. Separate the two if you want, I don’t give a fuck; jirai kei doesn’t own the clothing.

I’m not going to sit here and outright defend people in the jirai kei community posting people’s coords and bullying them, I’m not gunna sit here and defend the fatphobic or racist things that have been said on jirai kei twt. I will point out that those posts are not actually super common in the jirai kei community, and the people that post them generally aren’t very well liked by other landmines either, they also tend to be very young. It’s a really big community. There are going to be “bad apples” especially because it’s a community based around mental health issues. You can’t look at that handful of posts and say “the entire community is toxic and awful”. Venting & the like are very common, but it’s pretty rare that I see people actively posting hate like that, and there is a huge difference between the two. Most of the landmines I see are too scared to even make vague callout posts. Maybe that’s just Tumblr, idk, but honestly the amount of hate I see in this community is rather small.

Secondarily to your point; my house is not fucking heated. I can barely afford to run the AC in the summer or the heat in the winter - typically I turn it on when my BF is here and turn it off when he leaves to save money. I have my own apartment. I work for my own apartment. I can barely fucking afford it. I make about $2700 a month and my bills add up to be about $2400 a month (and it’s not like an expensive or nice apartment it’s literally full of roaches and my oven doesn’t work). I usually end up spending about $100 of the leftover on cat food, and then have $200 left over for gas to get to work AND food AND toiletries for the MONTH.

I don’t have “daddy’s money”. I live by myself about 8 hours away from my family; they don’t have shit to send me. My dad died 3 years ago and left us with 50k in debt because he decided paying taxes was optional. When that happened - I was making 17.50 an hour and I had the HIGHEST WAGE out of anyone in my family. I was trying to finish college which I was attending on a scholarship bc I couldn’t fucking afford it, I was working overtime, trying to organize my dad’s funeral bc no one else in my family could do it, and paying tax payments. “Daddy’s money” was a negative sum. I frequently send leftover cash to my family if there is any just to help them in any way I can.

The cute and nice things I can afford are typically bought either because I pick up overnight shifts at my secondary serving job or from sugar daddies. Although I stopped sugaring about 3 years ago.

I started working when I was 15. I started SW when I was 17 to help my family pay rent. I did SW from about 17 years old to 21 and stopped shortly after my father died because I didn’t have the time anymore. And I fucking hated it but it made money.

Don’t fucking come at me saying I’ve got a nice house and daddy’s money when I’m sitting in a roach-infested apartment that I work myself to the fucking bone for & I spent multiple years trying to pay off my dad’s debt.

Fuck right off with that dude.

[theoriginalsapphic]

Okay, it's been long enough:

Mike was trying to call Will; not El.

The ending scene in season 3 is about Mike and Will; not Mike and El.

How can I be so sure about it? It’s simply by one of the most basic rules of storytelling: show, don’t tell.

To put into simply terms, “show, don’t tell” it’s a technique which transmits information to the audience through actions, words, subtext, thoughts, senses, and feelings, etc., rather than by straight-up telling the audience through surface exposition.

To use a film that probably everyone is familiar with as an example, in Up it’s showcased how Carl and Ellie were deeply in love with each other through a five-minute wordless montage of their life. Without that scene, even if Carl had spent the rest of the movie saying how much he loves Ellie and how he misses her, the audience would probably had not formed an emotional connection with Carl and his story of love and loss like they did with a five-minute scene.

What’s more effective? Which one evokes a more vivid image in your head?

Sarah was sad, so she started crying.

Sarah laid motionless, tangled in a disarray of bed sheets she hadn’t changed in over a week. Tears leaked down her temples and into her ears, but despite the mild discomfort, she remained frozen, glued to the threadbare mattress.

Show, don’t tell.

So, with that being said…

Why do people believe that the last scene in season 3 is about and Mike and El and mlvn?

Up until here, it could be said it’s debatable whether this is about Will or El; El is in the U-Haul truck with Joyce, while Will is in the other car with Jonathan. Both vehicles are on seen on frame driving away, so it could easily be about either of them or even both of them. also, nice parallel with the season 2 finale, with, once again, both Will and El in different vehicles driving away while Mike is framed in front of the Byer's home.

However, that changes during the length of the scene.

What is Mike afraid of?

But what changes he is scared of? The series doesn’t tell; it shows.

The series doesn’t say aloud that Mike is scared of changes related to Will, but it shows it by having Mike somberly stare at the Byers’ house in this scene. If the series wanted to show that Mike’s emotional reaction in this scene is about El then they would have him look at something that the audience can immediately connect with El, like Hopper’s cabin or Eggos or anything that we would immediately relate to her.

The scene that follows this scene just reinforces that this is about Mike and Will by drawing a visual parallel between the two times that Mike felt like he has lost Will.

And even having a verbal confirmation by Mike himself the following season.

Following this train of thought…

Why do people still think that the phone calls were meant for El?

I’m not going to say that Mike told El that they were communicating through Cerebro, or that they couldn’t talk through the phone because the government may had been spying on them because that doesn’t matter.

What matters is what we were shown in the screen, and we were shown is that… El never complained or even mentioned phone calls. Will did.

El never mentions any phone calls or struggling to communicate through the phone with Mike in the entire season. The whole ‘phone calls’ situation is a topic of conflict brought between Mike and Will; not El.

The series has Will verbally express his discontent with Mike’s lack of phone calls while El never even talks about it, so why would anyone relate ‘Mike won’t stop calling’ with El when she never raised a problem about it?

El later appears in the scene that shows the audience that Mike did try to call, but the series doesn’t focus this scene about Mike and El at all. It focuses on El and Max instead.

The series has the chance to relate Mike’s missed calls with El in this scene. Instead, they show two things:

Missed calls were never a source of conflict between Mike and El but is one between Mike and Will, thus confirming that Mike’s missed calls were meant for Will— not El.

El’s priority is saving Max and not her relationship with Mike, just like it will be in season 5.

[sagemonsters]

@jasper-the-menace has a blind date with...

Atticus the Robot

Atticus is a liberated “butler bot” who was once a servant in a rich inventor’s house before making their escape. They are humanoid in shape, made of gleaming brass clockwork laid overtop a lavishly decorated porcelain “skeleton” and encased in a jointed glass shell so that viewers can see all of their inner workings. Ordinarily perpetually annoyed by humans and determined to never be helpful to anyone ever again, they have decided to make an exception for you. 

Atticus can read, write, and speak in just about any language you can think of, and learns things incredibly quickly. They love raunchy jokes and foul language, but will tone it down as the situation calls for and/or if you ask them to. They always have a smartass remark ready to go, and often get in trouble with authority figures for talking back. They’re quick to defend you in an argument or debate, but will also start casual arguments with you over the most ridiculous topics because they like verbal sparring.

Once you earn Atticus’ trust, they will ask your opinions on body modifications; Atticus is thinking of getting cosmetic alterations so that they look more sleek and modern. On a related note, Atticus is 100% in favor of you getting any piercings, tattoos, gender-affirming surgeries, or other bodily alterations that you think would be good for you, and is ready to help out as best they can—whether it be holding your hand in the piercing booth or pitching in with post-surgical care.

Atticus is a bit nitpicky about how things are organized, and will fuss with how tableware is laid out due to long-standing habits. They completely understand how you organize and reorganize your bookshelves, and will offer increasingly jokey methods such as “in reverse alphabetical order by the author’s middle name.” However, once you adopt a method, Atticus will abide by it for however long it lasts; when they borrow a book from you, they always put it back in the correct position. 

Atticus doesn’t play video games, but they like to tinker with all kinds of coding languages and make mods for various games as a creative exercise. You’re their #1 playtester and get to see all of their mod creations in action, and in return Atticus keeps your games upgraded to their latest versions and makes sure that everything runs smoothly.

“What are you doing?” the robot demanded, placing their hands on their hips and focusing their clockwork eyes at the woman. She startled guiltily and looked away from where she had been glaring daggers at the drag queen reading to the kids in the children’s literature section of the public library.

“I don’t like public indecency,” she grumbled. “What are you doing here, anyway? Your kind don’t need books. Y’all just… just download information from the Internet!” 

“It’s a public library,” the robot pointed out. “I have as much right to be here as you do.”

She sniffed. “I’m going to tell the manager about this—and about you.”

“Ooh, I’m so scared,” the robot retorted, then rolled their eyes. “Whatever, Karen.”

The woman huffed. “My name is Susan!”

“Blah, blah, blah—that’s all I hear,” the robot retorted. “Run along and complain to the branch manager, why don’t you? Go on!”

Susan made a face and stomped away in the direction of the front desk. You stepped out from behind one of the ceiling-high shelves in the Adult Fiction section. “That was brave,” you said. “Mrs. McConnell is a regular complainer; all of the staff hate her.”

The robot let out a mechanical-sounding snicker. “It’s what she deserves,” they said. “I didn’t want her to interrupt the Drag Story Hour with her idiotic fear-mongering, so…” They shrugged.

“Is there anything you need help with, like finding a book or something?” you asked.

“Nope, I’m just here for the free Wi-Fi,” the robot said. The lenses of their eyes focused more sharply upon you. “Unless that was a polite way of asking me to finish my business and fuck off?”

“Nah,” you said. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“I see!” the robot said. There was more focusing and re-focusing of the robot’s ocular lenses. “You seem like an interesting human. What do you prefer to be called?”

You told them your name.

“That’s a good choice of a moniker,” the robot said, nodding in approval. “I’ve been called Atticus for a very long time, but I’m thinking about changing it. Do you know any books of names that aren’t aimed at soon-to-be parents? I want interesting names, not a million weird spellings of Ashley or Kayla.”

You thought for a moment. “I don’t think we have anything like that in the print collection—but our ebook catalog might have some interesting choices, and there are also web-based resources too, of course.”

“Good,” Atticus said. “Do you have forty-five minutes or so to spare? I want to hear your opinions on whatever names I encounter.”

Somewhere closer to the front of the library, you heard Susan’s shrill protesting and the branch manager raising his voice trying to calm her down.

“Sure!” you said quickly. “Let’s use one of the computers way in the back.”

Atticus’ design is inspired by this artwork by Nicholas Hunter

see here to get your own blind date with a monster!

[ootori-sibs]

Random funky drabble

takes place after the festival.

tw: past tense misgendering (discussing a trans person before they were out), mild slutshaming.

"You know, Tamaki,” his father tried, sighing, “I understand that it’s tough when the girl you like doesn’t want to date you, but you can’t really change her mind. She’s her own person and can make her own decisions, I had to learn that myself once.”

Tamaki rolled his eyes, “oh yeah? Was that when your wife divorced you or when my mother didn’t want to give me up?”

There was a pause, it was clear he’d hurt his father but Tamaki didn’t feel like feeling bad about it. He didn’t think there was any way such a manwhore could ever relate to him. After a moment, his father nodded, “I understand you meant to hurt me, but I’m trying to empathise with you here. I had relationships before my marriage. There was one girl I’d dreamed of marrying in fact.” 

This got Tamaki's attention, “really? What was she like?” 

Yuzuru chuckled, “I knew that’d interest you. Well, she was in my class in school, and she was solidly in the top five girls in the class. I can’t say I was into her just for looks, though.”

“You liked her as a person??” Tamaki was genuinely surprised to hear that his father had actually fallen for someone. 

He nodded in response, “she was blindingly intelligent, she was just as cruel as she was beautiful and she always knew what to say to get someone to do what she wanted. She’d always been emotionally constipated though, so I think she agreed to date me mostly because of my status- but I did my damndest to make her happy. I treated that girl like a goddess and even impressed her father.” 

Tamaki stared at her, unsure when the penny was going to drop. “Why didn’t you marry her then? Did something happen? Was it grandmother’s fault?”

His father laughed at that, “oh no, it wasn’t mothers fault, although she does hate that whole family now… no, it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, my sweetheart just couldn’t keep the charade up.”

“What charade?”

“My princess turned out to be a transman, and he didn’t feel comfortable dating a man once he’d come out. He came out in our third year, immediately after his father had died. He got himself a wife in university, and I was very happy for them both. I didn’t have any anger or regret, because I understood no one had done anything wrong.” He paused, “so in the end, you shouldn’t be too upset at Fujioka for not wanting a relationship to get in the way of her studies. Do you understand, Tamaki?”

After a while of silence, Tamaki nodded, “yeah, I think I do… but now I wanna hear more about this guy you dated! What was he like? Have I met him?” 

Yuzuru laughed again, standing up and ruffling Tamaki’s hair. “Maybe another time, I have a meeting in an hour so I have to get ready.” 

Tamaki nodded, then hesitated, “oh! And, by the way, I have something to tell you and I’m not sure when we’ll talk next, I’m-”

“I know you’re bisexual, Tamaki. You don’t have to come out to me. Genetically speaking, I'd be surprised if you weren’t.”

“I…don’t think that’s how it works?”

“You’re the son of a manwhore and a french woman- what part of that doesn’t scream bisexual?”

“I…good point.”

“Anyway,” Yuzuru chuckled, adjusting his suit jacket and replacing his cufflinks, “the business meeting is with Mr Ootori, and afterwards we’re going for some drinks. I also happen to know that his three eldest are drinking at young Mrs Shido’s house so Kyoya will be home alone tonight.”

“Oh nice!” Tamaki beamed, “I’ll go see him then, he always cheers me up when I’m upset.”

His father froze at that, frowning deeply. “Don’t be forcing that boy to suffer through your complaining about Fujioka. She’s rejected you, you shouldn’t still be making him jealous.” 

“Jealous? You think he’s jealous of me?”

“No jealous of you, Tamaki, jealous of Haruhi.”

“Huh? oh…OH!” Tamaki went bright red at the idea, “you think Kyoya likes me like that??”

Applying some cologne and combing his hair, Yuzuru chuckled and nodded. “You and your old man aren’t so different, huh?”

“What do you mean?” 

He winked and grinned at Tamaki, “we’re both irresistible to the Ootoris.” and with that, he left the room, leaving Tamaki to flounder. 

“Wha… que diable…?” 

Well now he had a list of questions for Kyoya.

[allisonreader]

This is my second Christmas @inklings-challenge story for this year. I did not intend to write TWO Christmas stories this year and this one’s focus isn’t directly related to Christmas, but takes place near Christmas and includes discussions about Christmas related festivities. And truthfully this is a story written after rewatching a Hallmark Christmas movie which prompted the thought of the conversation between the two characters in the story. Everything else is just framing and an excuse to have the conversation and still have some plot.

This story takes place after the main events in Tales Of A Frozen Sailor. I have tried to include enough background information so that if you’ve never read the main story, that you don’t have to to understand it. Hopefully I’m not retreading the ground too much throughout the story.

And if you are interested in the full story, go to the Master List for Tales Of A Frozen Sailor .

Like always, I feel like I haven’t edited this enough, but also couldn’t look at it anymore. So it is what it is and that means that I’m not particularly happy about how I ended it. I just feel like the ending feels like what it is. Sort of a rush to just get it done. Anyways enough of my blabbering and onto the story.

Jessica's Christmas Surprise

The latest news on the last Titanic witness.

Jessica Hudson (now Piston) was a young woman who sailed on the Titanic as a sailor under the guise of being a man named Jesse Hudson. A fact that had only been known by her family and fellow sailor John Winters for many years.

Jessica had been assigned to man a lifeboat with John, but instead had been locked inside a room deep inside the Titanic. She was left for dead as the ship sank and for nearly a century it had been the perfect murder. If it wasn’t for the fact that her body was found and brought up nearly a 100 years later.

Once she was brought up, she was thawed from the position that she was found in and in a turn of events that can only be called miraculous, as Jessica thawed, she began to wake. Revival efforts were then focused on.

Jessica’s revival was unexpected and allowed her to connect with nieces and a nephew who hadn’t been born when she went down with the ship.

Jessica's story was then able to be told in full with her perspective.

Since then, Jessica has been finding her own way in the modern world. These days Jessica tries to keep a low profile.

Recently though, she has been spotted with her husband Erik coming out of an ultrasound clinic together. Not only did they come out of the clinic together, but it does appear that Jessica is sporting a bit of a baby bump.

Neither Jessica nor Erik have made any announcements about expecting at this point, but it seems to be evident that the couple will be adding an addition to their family, come sometime in the coming new year.

For further details on Jessica's story turn to page 12.

📰📰📰

"Why can’t they just leave me alone?" Jess grumbled, glaring at the article that included a picture of her and Erik walking out of the clinic, making her belly look larger than it actually was. Or at least it seemed so to her. "This is a hard enough season this year without others talking about our private life Em," she complained to her husband.

"I know, but people find you interesting, and something like our daughter is news worthy to anyone who's been following your story. They forget that you’re just a person like them and that you don’t even consider yourself a celebrity, though others do. Nobody is going to give a statement to any of the press though. It’s going to stay within the family that our baby, is in fact a little girl, our little girl," Erik reassured her as he pulled up and stopped in front of the small guest house on the backside of the Piston family estate.

Someone had decorated the house for Christmas, lights were all along the roof line and down the columns of the front porch and banisters. There was a wreath on the door and a Christmas tree lit with white lights in the front window.

Erik offered to help Jess out of the car, but she shook her head wanting to do it herself.

Once she had gotten out of the car; the article in the magazine left was behind. Erik noted to get rid of it before Jess got back in. She snuggled into his side, allowing him to wrap his arm around her and rest his hand on her belly.

They walked quietly the short distance to the front door, which Nanna was opening before they even were close enough to have knocked. Having been expecting and anticipating them.

"There the two of you are. Come in, come in. Emery, your grandfather is out back. Before you head out to him, give me a hug and a kiss-" Nanna tapped her cheek where she wanted the kiss- "while I get Jessica comfortable so we can talk about her appointment this past week."

"Yes Nanna." Erik agreed, letting go of Jess and kissing her cheek before going to hug and kiss Nanna as instructed before leaving to find his grandfather.

"Stay out of trouble Em, don’t let John drag you into anything," Jess warned.

"I won’t Jess, and I promise that I won’t lollygag around too much."

"I hope not."

"I’ll be back before you know it. Have fun with Nanna. Don’t let her get you into too much trouble."

Jess stuck her tongue out at her husband teasing her about her warning about John. Nanna watched with Jess as Erik left to find his grandfather and then leave to visit Jess's family and drop off their letters and gifts for the season. Something that Erik had already done at least once since they had found out that she was pregnant.

Jess let out a sigh. It was for the best that it was just Erik going back to visit her family. She stared longingly at where Erik went down the hall.

Who knew what would happen to her or her baby girl if they time traveled while she was pregnant. It wasn’t worth the risk. But that didn’t mean that her heart didn’t long to visit her family over Christmas.

Nanna startled her as she wrapped an arm around her back and rubbed her one shoulder.

"Come now my dear. I have a fire going in the front room where the tree is. We'll make ourselves cozy and then I suspect that you have some pictures from your ultrasound appointment to show me, hmm?" Nanna said, gently guiding her into the front room, where there was indeed a fire roaring. Jess nodded as she allowed herself to be lead to be sat in front of the fire.

The two of them discussed the incredible invention of ultrasound technology allowing them to see the baby and tell that she was going to have a girl. How Jess had never anything like it would be possible and how Nanna had been unaware of its invention that had happened in the same decade as her son’s birth, at least not until years after when it became more common.

Jess showed Nanna her ultrasound pictures, and discussed how much of a taint the picture of her and Erik coming out of clinic, ending up in the news and gossip rags left her with on the experience.

"Learn to ignore them my dear. I know it’s hard in this day and age, but ignoring them will be better for you than worrying over them." Jess just nodded in acknowledgment and excused herself to the bathroom.

While Nanna waited for Jessica to come back, she turned back on the sound of the Hallmark movie that she had been watching before Jessica and her grandson had arrived. It didn’t take her long to re-pick-up the plot and become engrossed again.

"Nanna? What are you watching?" Jess asked when she returned.

"Hmm? Oh, just a Hallmark holiday movie. One that you might relate to a little too much in part to a degree. The main character is a nurse from 1945… 46… one of the two. Feeling a little lost and out of place in her own time, but has been pulled forward by forces unknown to the modern day and is having to try and fit into this strange time to her," Nanna explained.

Jess blinked a couple of times. "Really…?"

"Oh yes my dear. These type of stories have been popular for many years already. Long before most people were ever aware of your story and existence. I dare say that they might have had a bit of an uptick since your story has become known, but they’ve been around as long as fairy tales have been. Why else do you think your life is so fascinating to people? You have all the marks for the best types of stories, but perhaps best of all to many people is that your story is true," Nanna said.

"What are the other marks…? Do I want to know them?" Jess asked.

"None are bad my dear, just interesting to people. Your connection to the Titanic is a large one. That ship has fascinated people from the day the news broke that it was sunk by an iceberg on its maiden voyage, with so many elite on it. I’m afraid that your Mr. Winters didn’t help with his insistence that something happened to you beyond being reassigned and you just not making it. Then there is the fact that once you were found on the ocean floor in the ill-fated ship; something that shouldn’t have been possible, it was found out that you were in fact a woman, not a man as claimed when sailing. Let alone the fact that your John was proven to be correct that something had happened to you. Beyond that is the fact that you survived your miraculous revival. It’s all very interesting to people. As much as you’d love to just live your life. To others you are a celebrity."

"I don’t want to be a celebrity," Jess pouted.

"I know my dear, but sometimes that is out of our hands. The best that can be done is what you are doing. Living your life to the fullest and keeping a low profile by not reaching out to the press yourself. While there will always be people interested in your story, it will eventually fade over the years. But at the moment, it’s still relatively new for people and it will take years to die down."

Jess scowled at the thought.

"I don’t want my daughter to become some spectacle once she’s born."

"We’ll shield her from it as much as possible. Especially at first when she won’t be able to protect herself, but she will learn."

Jess nodded, still wary, but there was nothing to do about currently.

🎄🎄🎄🎁🎁🎁

Erik went and poked his head in to see Jess and Nanna now that he was back. He found them both finishing off a Hallmark Christmas movie, just catching the end of the credits.

It had taken Jess a bit of time to get used to tv, even now she’d often avoid watching it unless there was someone else watching it with her. He smiled fondly at Jess's one hand resting on her belly, thrilling him once again that he was going to be a father to a little girl. He didn’t need to be distracted by those thoughts currently. He had a wife to surprise.

He entered the room slowly and quietly. Coming up to beside where Jess was sitting. Watching Nanna's smile grow as she caught sight of him.

"Hey you, I made it back," he said softly in a low voice. Jess smiled back at him. Nanna got up and quietly slipped out of the room.

"How’d it go? How is everyone?" Jess asked.

"Good. They’re all good and the trip was successful. The gifts, cards and letters are all delivered to the 1920's…. And- John didn’t drag me into any trouble."

"Good. He doesn’t need to-"

"But, I might have dragged him into some trouble."

"Em… what do you mean?"

"I guess you’ll just have to come with me and find out then won’t you," he held out his hand to her.

"Emery… what do you do?"

"Come on, off the couch. Your family sent a surprise along with me."

"What kind of surprise….?"

"You’ll see for yourself."

"Emery Erik what kind of surprise is this?" Jess asked, starting to sound cross.

"One that you’ll love; come, let me show you." Erik helped her off the couch as she warily stared him down and followed him to the back porch.

Nanna was sitting with his grandfather on the porch swing, but standing just off the porch was Jess's surprise. Jess stilled the moment she first saw them, before bounding down the stairs to where her siblings and John were waiting.

All three of them embracing Jess in a hug together.

"You’re here! Why-? How…? …I didn’t think I was going to see you until after my baby came," Jess stammered in surprise.

"Erik planned it all out. Well, at least for the most part. My mom and Amelia and her family are looking after the kids today. Joan would have loved to come, but thought it would be best to stay as an extra pair of hands. But otherwise, we’re here for the day and to finally see a little bit of this time that you’re living in." John said.

Jess started to tear up as she soaked up the attention from Ruth, John and Henry being here in her chosen time. Ruth gave her another hug.

"I can’t believe that you’re here…" Jess

"Oh Jess…. We should have thought to come sooner."

Jess shook her head. "No, this is perfect. It’s the best Christmas gift…. I have so much to show you…"

Erik and his grandparents gave Jess and her family some space at first. Giving them the chance to reconnect and let the four of them time to catch up and for Jess to explain certain things without any of them interfering or interrupting. Allowing Jess to share her pregnancy update and share her ultrasound pictures and to show her visitors any technology that she thought might interest them. Pointing out that they wouldn’t have the chance to really get used to those in any capacity.

Nanna only interrupted them once the meal was ready. It brought all of them together for the rest of the day. The conversation and jokes flowed freely. Until it was finally time for the three to go back to their time and back to their kids. Jess gave all of them a long hug before Erik took them home. With promises to keep them all updated.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.) 

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

[specialagentsergio]

rationalizations

rationalizations: a defense mechanism in which one makes up a false but reassuring explanation to explain their behavior and/or feelings to both themselves and others, thus avoiding the reality of why they are really acting or feeling as they do.

summary: You’re the psych evaluation for Spencer. You think he’s full of shit, so you refuse to sign his clearance form until he actually tells the truth.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

category: angst (happy ending)

content warnings: spencer’s canonical trauma, flashbacks, mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation, swearing

a/n: i wrote this for @imagining-in-the-margins‘ enemies to lovers event. it’s not my favorite trope, but one of the prompts sparked inspiration for me. i also took a good amount of inspiration from meredith’s various therapy scenes in grey’s anatomy, so if some of it feels familiar, that’s why! i swear i intended to make this cute and funny, but, well… here we are lmao.

word count: 3.6k

masterlist

Spencer throws his bag onto his desk with a frustrated huff. It thumps loudly, startling JJ at her desk across from his. She gives him a sympathetic look regardless. “Still not cleared yet?”

“No!” Forgetting that it’s wheeled, he drops himself into his chair. It skids backwards and he has to scramble to grab something to keep from falling out of it.

“Careful there,” JJ says, trying valiantly to suppress a laugh. “That psychologist's got you really worked up, huh?”

“I don’t know what she wants from me!” he complains. “It’s been nearly a month! Hotch’s ex-wife was murdered by an unsub, but they cleared him. I was only shot in the neck.”

“I mean, that’s still kind of a big deal,” she says. “You could’ve died, from the gunshot, or from the nurse that tried to kill you afterwards.”

“Speaking of that nurse,” he starts, “Garcia is the one who shot him and she’s been a wreck over it. She insisted on going to the guy’s execution. But the therapist cleared her!”

“Penelope’s not in the field,” JJ points out.

He crosses his arms. “Still. This isn’t the first time I’ve been shot. That possibility is part of the job. It’s not like it came out of nowhere and I was completely unprepared for it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Spence,” she says. “Just keep all of your appointments and I’m sure you’ll be cleared soon.”

He pulls a stack of papers on his desk towards him. Paperwork—one of the things he’s actually allowed to do. “I better be,” he mutters.

---

“And it was really scary, you know?” Spencer wipes at his eyes with a tissue. “Not knowing if I was going to live or die.”

“Mm-hmm.”

He takes a deep breath. “But… it’s over now. The preacher who shot me died in the same shootout. Owen McGregor, the leader of the corrupt deputies, died later that night, in another shootout. And Greg Baylor, the one who posed as a nurse and tried to kill me, was sentenced to death row and he’s gone now, too.”

His psychologist makes a note on the paper in front of her, but doesn’t say anything, so he continues.

“I… I feel better now, just letting that out.” He takes a new tissue and dries his nose. “I feel ready now. Ready to go back to work.”

She nods slowly, considering him. But she doesn’t even look towards her desk where the clearance form sits, frustrating him to no end. After five minutes of silence, he breaks.

“You can’t be serious.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’ve been coming to these sessions for over a month, and I’m still not cleared to be in the field. I…” He musters up more tears and makes sure his voice wavers during his next words. “I just don’t know what you want? I’ve tried everything.”

“No, you haven’t,” she says plainly.

He blinks in surprise, sending some of the crocodile tears down his cheeks. “What?”

She crosses her legs. “You’re full of shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not being honest with me, and I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself either,” she says. “You’re a great actor. I can see how you’ve gotten clearances easily before. But that stops with me.”

Spencer stares at her. “I don’t understand.”

She moves her notebook to the side. “What happened in Texas isn’t the first time your life’s been in danger. Why do you think that is?”

“Wh—that’s part of my job,” he argues, fake crying long since forgotten.

“Not to the extent that you take it. I’ve read your file,” she says. “You take unnecessary risks with regularity.”

The tissues crumple in his hand as he clenches it. “I do not.”

“Let’s go back to the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?”

“Of your career.” Yet she doesn’t take out his file, or look at her notes. She speaks from memory. “2005. The BAU is assisting with a hostage situation. You go into the train, posing as someone who is there to remove a microchip from the unsub, but the first thing you do? You take off your bulletproof vest.”

“Okay, clearly you don’t understand what the situation was,” Spencer cuts in. “Ted Bryar was suffering from a psychotic break. He was somewhat unpredictable, and he told me to take off the vest.”

“And you just listened?”

“He—he had a gun, and was threatening both me and the other passengers with it!” he says. “What was I supposed to do, not listen?”

“Uh, yeah,” she replies. “You easily played into his delusions just a few minutes later to distract him. Why not do that to keep yourself safe?”

“I was twenty-four and was running on adrenaline,” he says defensively. “And it was my first time doing something like that. You can’t expect me to think of everything.”

“You’re right, I can’t,” she agrees. “So let’s jump forward a few years. How about the time you approached a teenager who was wielding an assault rifle with no protection, not even your own firearm?” she challenges.

“You mean Owen Savage? That was a unique situation,” he protests. “I knew I could talk him down.”

“No, you didn’t. You thought you had a good chance, but there’s no way to be one hundred percent sure of that. He was volatile, and on a killing spree,” she counters. “You didn’t know if you’d succeed--”

“I did!” He startles himself by unconsciously raising his voice, but he doesn’t apologize. “I did, because….”

“Because you related to him,” she fills in. “And that’s fine. Having empathy for an unsub doesn’t suggest something’s wrong in and of itself. But you still put yourself, and the rest of your team, in danger, didn’t you?”

He crosses his arms. “I got that lecture from Hotch when it happened, okay?”

“So then why’d you confront an unsub alone a few years later in Miami?” she asks. “You didn’t even tell anyone where you were going. You left your vest behind and just ran off.”

“I was having a head—wait, how do you even know that happened?” he questions. “It wasn’t in the report.”

“Well, first of all, you just confirmed it,” she points out, and he wants to kick himself. “Secondly, I can read between the lines.”

“I was having a headache,” he repeats. “I wasn’t thinking all that clearly. I just knew Julio’s life was in immediate danger, so I went to help him.”

“Uh-huh. More recently,” she says, brushing past his excuse, “You confronted your girlfriend’s stalker without your vest or gun.”

Spencer’s getting angry now. “I was trying to save Maeve. She asked me to leave them behind.”

“And you simply listened. Do you see the pattern I’m drawing here, Dr. Reid?” she asks. “These are just a few of the instances that stand out. Time and time again, you put yourself in unnecessary danger. So I’ll ask you again. Why do you think that is?”

Spencer looks over her—really looks over her, trying to understand what she’s getting at. “Are… are you suggesting that I’m suicidal?” he asks quietly.

She looks him straight in the eye. “You don’t act like someone who wants to be alive.”

It’s like she set off a bomb in his brain. Memories, and the feelings attached to them, emerge—Elle handcuffed to a seat, a teenager with a rifle, a blinding headache, Maeve and blood on the warehouse floor.

“Here’s what I see,” she says. “I see a man who’s been through so, so much. Your mother is mentally ill, your father left--”

His father is packing a suitcase. Spencer doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or say, so he falls back on what he knows.

“Statistically, children who grow up in two-parent households attain three more years of higher education than children from single-parent households.”

It doesn’t help. “We’re not statistics, Spencer.”

“Your file says she’s staying at an institution, and with your father out of the picture, I can only assume you were the one who had her admitted--”

“Spencer, please don’t do this to me!” she cries as she’s escorted out of the house by Bennington Sanitarium’s transport staff.

“A few years into your work here at the FBI, you were kidnapped, tortured and drugged--”

He’s tired and cold and his whole body aches. Tobias—the real Tobias—looms over him with a syringe.

“Please. I don’t want it,” he pleads of his captor. “I don’t want it, please.”

The needle punctures his skin regardless.

“—you were held hostage by a cult leader--”

Emily sits across from him on the plane with a black eye. “What Cyrus did to me is not your fault.”

He pretends to agree.

“—you went through the death and reappearance of Agent Prentiss--”

He’s tried to make it clear to Jennifer that he wants to be left alone, but she won’t stop trying to talk about it with him, and he’s had enough.

“I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

“—and your girlfriend was shot in front of you.”

“Who’s Thomas Merton? Who is he?” Diane demands, gun pressed against Maeve’s head.

“He’s the one thing you can never take from us,” Maeve replies, and Spencer’s heart drops. Thomas Merton is Maeve’s way of saying goodbye—she’s giving up.

“Wait!” he cries out, but it’s too late.

“This is just some of the more traumatic stuff. And then there’s what happened last month, which is why you’re here. You present a face of not being bothered by all of this, because that’s what you’ve been doing all your life, but I think you are bothered. You really, really are. And you don’t want to admit to anyone just how much it all has affected you. Maybe you don’t even want yourself to know.” Her expression and tone of voice are certain.

Spencer can’t take it anymore. The whirlwind of emotions and memories is overwhelming.

“The number of times you’ve almost died is staggering--”

“Yeah, and sometimes I wish I had!” He glares at her, breathing heavily. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

But she doesn’t seem intimidated or alarmed at all. She leans back in her armchair. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

The response only serves to make him angrier. She questioned him relentlessly and made him admit something he swore in the dark hours of sleepless nights that he’d never think again, never voice, let alone admit to anyone. She forced it out of him, forced. She made him say it against his will.

So why does he feel a sense of relief?

“I…” Tears well up in his eyes—real ones this time. “I’m done,” he chokes out.

He pushes himself off of the couch and out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

---

He storms in Hotch’s office and demands to see a different psychologist. But she was one step ahead of him—a few hours before the appointment, she had emailed Hotch and told him that under no circumstances should Spencer be allowed to get a clearance from someone else.

“And you’re going to believe her?” he cries.

“She’s doing her job, Reid.”

“You barely know her! You’ve known me for a decade!”

“Yes, I have,” Hotch agrees. “And you’ve told me yourself that you’ve fooled psychologists and therapists before. So if this one is saying you’re not ready yet, I’m inclined to believe her.”

Spencer just stares at him, but as usual, Hotch doesn’t blink.

“Unbelievable,” Spencer eventually mutters.

“Take the rest of the day off,” Hotch replies, glancing down at fists Spencer hadn’t realized he was clenching.

“Fine.”

Too agitated to stand in the elevator, he takes the stairs. As he stomps down them, he swears he’ll never go back to her office, even if it means never going into the field again.

A week passes, then two, and he hasn’t seen the psychologist since. But he doesn’t feel any better—he actually feels worse. It’s like her words broke a dam in his mind, in his gut, and feelings of unease and uncertainty won’t pass. It keeps him up at night. Her words echo in his head. “You don’t act like someone who wants to be alive.”

Spencer’s had yet another sleepless night and is struggling not to doze off at his desk despite the coffee he’s drinking. He stands up with the intention of splashing some water from the bathroom sink on his face, but his feet take him somewhere else.

He stares at the nameplate on the door. He swore he’d never go back, yet he feels compelled to knock.

It only takes her a few moments to answer. “Dr. Reid. Can I help you?” she asks.

“I…” He sighs. “Are you busy?”

“No. Come on in.” She steps to the side, opening the door wider to let him pass. He sits down on the couch.

She waits patiently. She doesn’t rush him. She lets him speak first.

He wrings his hands in his lap, staring down at them. “Something you said is bothering me.”

“What was it?”

“About… living,” he admits quietly. “I… I think you might have been right.”

When he gets the courage to glance up at her, he finds a soft smile on her face. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Spencer hadn’t realized he was expecting judgment and disdain until it didn’t happen. His shoulders slump down in relief. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I think I would.”

---

“You’re still thinking about her, aren’t you?”

Spencer looks up from his paperwork, slightly out of it, to find Derek watching him. His coworker had, indeed, caught him thinking about her again. His psychologist. Well, former psychologist. After his second session back with her, she’d handed over a clearance form and a referral to a therapist outside the bureau to see long-term.

“And you better follow up with that,” she’d told him, the corner of her mouth turning up despite her serious tone of voice. “I’ll know if you don’t.”

He’d promised that he would, and had followed through. But despite the progress he was making with the new therapist, he was feeling a little disappointed that he didn’t get to see her anymore. He only saw her in passing, sometimes in the elevator or walking down the hallways of the building. They would exchange hellos, she would ask how he was doing, then give him a little wave as she left. Each time his heart would skip a beat, and he’d feel an urge to follow her to wherever she was going.

Yet he hadn’t quite realized why he seemed to be preoccupied with her until a dream he had a few weeks ago—a dream in which he found himself kissing her. Despite being alone in his bedroom, he’d woken up feeling embarrassed. He promised himself that he would put her out of his mind. Having a crush on his psychologist? It was ridiculous.

But then he saw her in the elevator a few days later and he couldn’t help but analyze her body language. It was open, and she twirled her hair around a finger while she looked at him to ask him how he was. A few other people entered the elevator on the next floor, but her attention remained on him. They were subtle signs, but signs that he recognized nonetheless—signs of attraction. And once he started seeing them, he couldn’t stop.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spencer tells Derek, picking back up the pen he hadn’t noticed he dropped.

“You can’t pull that on me, kid,” he replies. “It’s your psychologist. You can’t stop thinking about her, can you?”

Spencer sighs. “So what if I can’t?”

“So go ask her out already!” Derek says like it’s obvious.

“You don’t think that’s just a little inappropriate?”

“You’re not seeing her as a client anymore, are you?” he points out. “Go for it, kid. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Spencer takes the advice—as soon as Derek said it, he knew he was right. He would regret not taking a chance on her and the connection he felt. Sure, she’d helped him with therapy, but it went deeper than that. It feels like she knows him.

He leaves the bullpen ten minutes early that evening, hoping to catch her before she leaves for the day. On her doorstep, he feels just as nervous as he did on the day he admitted that she was right, but it’s a different kind of nervous. An excited nervous. He knocks on the door.

She’s surprised when she seems him. He watches as her pupils dilate, and it boosts his confidence. “Dr. Reid. Can I help you?”

“You can. I’d like to talk,” he says.

“Oh. Well, I guess I could do that,” she says. “I thought things were going well with the therapist I referred you to, though.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t mean I want an appointment.”

Her eyebrows come together in confusion. “Okay, then, what do you want?”

Spencer doesn’t hesitate. “I want to take you out to dinner.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I really like you, and I think we’re meant to be together,” he replies, voice softening a bit.

She pauses before answering. When she does, her voice is gentle. “Dr. Reid, sometimes a medical professional’s care can start to feel like affection over a period of time, but--”

“No one has ever listened to me like you do,” he interrupts.

“That’s my job,” she points out.

“I’ve seen therapists before, but none of them have been like you,” he counters. “You understand me.”

She sighs. “Well, I’m glad I was a good fit and was able to help you. But that doesn’t mean that I see you as anything more than a client.”

“You’re lying.”

“Excuse me?”

“You do feel something more for me,” he says firmly, but then backtracks a little. “Well, I know you’re attracted to me at least.”

She blinks and shakes her head slightly, take aback. “Dr. Reid, this is not appropriate--”

“Please call me Spencer,” he says, then jumps into his explanation. “See, when we’re attracted to someone, our bodies display involuntary signals, and I’ve seen you do some of them when you’re around me. Whenever we run into each other here, your body will turn a little towards me and you’ll play with your hair. Your attention is almost entirely focused on me. And, when you see me, your pupils dilate. They did it when you opened the door just a few minutes ago. Oh, and I’m attracted to you, by the way,” he adds as he realizes how one-sided he’s been. “I imagine my pupils probably dilate when I see you, too.”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times, like she wants to speak but doesn’t know what to say. She looks flustered, and he wonders if maybe he’s pushed it too far or said too much, but he can’t turn back now. “So, please, let me take you out,” he says quietly. “Just… just give it a chance.”

She bites her lip and looks at the ground. There’s a crease between her eyebrows, which he’s come to learn means she’s thinking. She speaks seriously when she looks back up. “If I go out with you, I can’t treat you anymore. If you ever need another evaluation or session, you’d have to get it from someone else.”

“I know,” he says. “I get along well with the therapist you referred me to, though. And having to get clearance from a different psychologist at the bureau is something I’m willing to give up in favor of getting to know you better.”

She considers him. “You’re serious about this,” she states.

It’s not a question, but he answers it anyways. “I am.”

She tilts her head to the side, eyes unfocusing as she ponders the situation. Eventually, she says, “Let me think about it.”

It’s not exactly the answer he was hoping for, but he’ll take it.

---

It’s only six PM, but Spencer is already exhausted. He unlocks his apartment door, fully intending to collapse onto his bed, but instead receives a pleasant surprise in the form of his girlfriend waiting for him on the couch. He can’t help but smile.

“Sweetie, what are you doing here?” he asks, then adds, “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Penelope told me it was a bit of a rough case,” she replies. “And I missed you.”

She holds out her arms and he takes the invitation, joining her on the couch and laying down between her legs, placing his head on her chest. “I missed you, too.”

Her next words are overly familiar. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Hey, we agreed to no therapy,” he says. “Something about I can’t be your client anymore?”

She huffs. “This isn’t therapy. This is being a good partner.”

Spencer smiles into the fabric of her shirt, snuggling in closer. “I know, I’m just teasing you. I don’t need to talk about the case,” he says, finally answering her original question. “I feel fine now that I’m here with you.”

She lets out a pleased hum and starts running her fingers through his hair. “I ordered take-out for dinner, by the way.”

“Where from?”

“You know where.”

A wide grin spreads across his face. She must have ordered take-out from the restaurant he took her to on their first date. He lifts his head to look her in the eye. “Aren’t you glad you said yes to me all those months ago?”

“Oh, I suppose,” she says with pretend annoyance, rolling her eyes.

Then she kisses him.

Spencer’s never been so happy to be alive.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

please note that i DO NOT ENDORSE asking out your therapist/former therapist. this is fanfiction. thank you.

general taglist: @calm-and-doctor​ , @spencerreid9​

[fruitcoops]

Tiktok Trend: Black Sheep

This is entirely based off this tiktok, which has been bouncing around in my head for about a week and always makes me laugh. Andromeda's been mentioned a couple times in some older fics, but I thought it might be fun to finally introduce her! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, as always <3

TW for mentioned racist/ sexist/ homophobic family members and disownment (in a joking way)

“Sirius!” Andromeda called over her shoulder as she scrolled through the literal thousands of comments for her favorites, popping her gum at her cousin when he poked his head around the corner.

Sirius pulled a face right back at her. “What?”

“You’re stealing my spotlight again.”

“You don’t like the spotlight.”

Andromeda raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, which of us was the first to be deemed a family disappointment based on their choice in partner?”

Sirius rolled his eyes with a huff and padded over to the couch, leaning his elbows behind her head to see the phone screen. “What did I do this time?”

They had filmed the video as a bit of a joke, not intending for anyone to see it—Andromeda only had twenty followers on TikTok at the time, and she was pretty sure half of them were bots. When your racist/ sexist/ homophobic family members start getting a little too comfortable at Thanksgiving dinner, read curly script across the top of the screen as Eminem’s Without Me played in the background.

Andromeda stepped into frame a moment later, walking past the camera in slow motion with a smirk and a casual flip of her hair. The black dress was one of her favorites, knee-length with a slightly low-cut bodice; her mother used to say it looked ‘slutty’ and ‘debasing’, which obviously meant she wore it on every possible occasion. The cousin that married ‘below her class’ was written in the same cursive lettering at her side.

Sirius followed in her footsteps, a devious smile on his face as he adjusted his rainbow tie and slid his wedding ring on. The gay cousin signed to the family’s rival team who they can’t get rid of because the disownment papers are still processing sat happily in a text box by his head as he passed the camera as well.

And then came Regulus, wearing a cocky grin that Andromeda had only seen blossom over the past year. He shook out his suit cuffs and straightened the purple-gray flag pin on his lapel, then stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled past as the cousin that dropped out of the NHL to go to college and made sure the bloodline ended with him stood stark white against the bushes in front of Sirius’ house.

None of them had actually gone to the annual holiday dinner hosted at Sirius’ parents house, of course, but it was the thought that counted. They had made the video for a laugh before heading off to Dumo’s; when Andromeda returned to her phone eight hours later, the video had 200,000 views and just over 40,000 likes.

She craned her neck back to look at Sirius as he laughed at the replay. “Read these fucking comments, you fame thief.”

Lionsfan89: HELLO??? IS THAT SIRIUS BLACK???

mandomallow: First of all ma’am please stomp on me second of all are you aware you have TWO famous hockey players in your driveway

LupinLover3: THAT’S SIRIUS FUCKING BLACK WTFFFF WHO ARE YOU LADY

tromblerone: Are we just ignoring the fact that Sirius and Regulus Black are making tiktoks with random ppl now :sobbing emoji:

nhl4days: Oh my god Regulus looks so happy stop I’m gonna cry

merqueen15: I litcherally have no words imagine being related to THEE Sirius Black couldn’t be me

21macattack: There are too many hot people in this video pls have mercy

bibibiboba: If being sexy is a gene this family has all of it and honestly I can’t even complain

lemonsqueezy8437: LMAOO CAN YOU IMAGINE ROLLING UP TO FAMILY THANKSGIVING AND SIRIUS AND REGULUS BLACK ARE SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH YOU

lillyofthevallley: How many people did that family kick out oh my god???? Also drop the skincare routine queen you’re GLOWING

Dozens more comments focused specifically on Andromeda—the vain little part of her heart appreciated the ones that asked for her curl routine—but she couldn’t quite get over the fact that all it took to bump her follower count to over twenty thousand people (and counting) was her geeky baby cousins.

“Hey.” She poked Sirius’ arm as he reached over her head to scroll through the comments, giggling to himself. “Hey. I’m the hot one, remember?”

“Tell that to your followers, Andy. Reg! Get in here!”

“What?” a distant voice called.

“Andy’s TikTok famous!”

There was barely half a second pause before footsteps came pounding up the stairs with all the grace one would expect from a 20-year-old college student. “How the hell did you get TikTok famous?” he asked, perching on the back of the couch like some rumpled bird.

She cocked a brow. “Remember that video from Thanksgiving?”

“Ouais.”

“You and your stupid brother are stealing my fans.”

Sirius flicked her forehead lightly and she batted him away. “Hey, we gave you those fans.”

“I’m going to post all of your embarrassing baby pictures in my next video,” she threatened around a smile with a playful kick to his pajama-clad thigh as he skirted around her to go back to the kitchen. “All of them! Oldest cousin privilege!”

First, though, she had a curl-care process to film.

[fantastic-bby]

SKZ as animal hybrid boyfriends

Pairing: Reader x Members

Word count: 2.9k

Genre: Fluff | Headcanon | Animal Hybrid/Shifter AU | Boyfriend AU

Warnings: Very brief mention of spiders

Masterlist

Chan

A husky hybrid

Has the CUTEST pair of gray and white ears that stick out of the top of his head

Also has the most gorgeous pair of pale blue eyes that glow in the dark

He has a fluffy white tail that wags like crazy whenever he’s excited because he doesn’t know how to stop it from showing

He’s also the sweetest boyfriend in. The. WORLD!

Always asks how you’re doing

Makes sure your not missing any meals and that you’re always hydrated

Every morning, he wakes you up with cute good morning texts and he always tries to send you good night texts sometimes forgets because he gets so caught up in work

He makes up for it tho

Sends flowers to your place whenever he forgets uwu

Chan’s the perfect boyfriend

The only problem is that you’re allergic to dogs

He didn’t realise why you always seemed to sneezy and stuffy whenever you would come over to his place

Until you told him

And his reaction makes you feel like you just told him the most horrific thing in the world

To him it is!!!!

Because he’s the reason that you’ve been having allergic reactions around him!!

He starts vacuuming his place more often to keep any fur away and makes sure to keep the area super clean so that you’re clear from anything that could cause a reaction

He also starts lint rolling and vacuuming his clothes before giving them to you so that you don’t take any of his fur home unless you ask him to leave his fur

Chan gets confused whenever you tell him that you don’t want him to vacuum or wash his hoodies before giving them to you

But you like them because every time you see the strands of gray and white fur sticking out of his hoodie, it reminds you of him

So instead,

Chan starts buying a crap ton of allergy meds

Puts them in every corner of his house

In the bathroom

The kitchen

The living room

The bedroom

Literally everywhere just in case you get a super bad reaction

That way he’s always prepared for anything

Minho

A maine coon hybrid

The most luscious fur ever known to man

His cat ears are so fluffy and always well groomed

He has this beautiful fluffy orange tail that he’s gotten pretty good at hiding his feelings with

Usually a hybrid’s animal features would probably give away their emotions, but Minho learned to control his ears and tails really well

It’s just that his ears are really sensitive and they flick around every few seconds whenever he’s in a crowded place

He has a pair of yellow eyes that are constantly in the shape of slits simply because he wants to intimidate everyone around him

Also always has his claws out because they intimidate strangers

Wouldn’t tell anyone, but Minho lets his pupils dilate when he’s alone with you (´∀｀)♡

He also likes to tease you a lot but you know he’s just joking because if he was serious, his tail wouldn’t be so related

You try not to tell him because then he’ll start working harder to hide his tail swishes

Is the most precious yet teasing boyfriend out there

He’ll make a joke about you eating a lot of ice cream whenever you’re sad, but he’ll always have your favourite ice cream in the freezer

If you complain about some kind of muscle pain, Min would call you weak but then also come home with muscle relief patches that he’ll stick to you himself

Minho likes to shift into cat form if you’re stressed because then it means that he wouldn’t really disturb you a lot

His footsteps are way quieter when he’s in cat form as compared to human form

So if you’re stressed or tired and you ask him to give you time

Minho would shift and hide in one of the cat towers he bought for himself until he hears you coming out of the bedroom

The moment he hears the sound of the bedroom door opening, he’ll lift his head and peek out from the top

If you sit on the floor right in front of the tower, Minho will scurry off of the tower to sit in your lap to

But if you don’t even look at the tower and you instead go to the kitchen, he’ll wait a bit longer to give you more time

Changbin

Yk I wanna say he’d be some cursed Dwaekki hybrid the skzoo dwaekki haunts me in my sleep

But I genuinely feel like he’d be something really threatening like a wild animal

So if Chan’s a husky and Minho’s a maine coon

I’m gonna throw Changbin in as a grizzly bear because he’s a tank of a man and I love him for that

His ears are dark brown and rounded, poking out from the top of his head

His eyes are super dark brown and sometimes you can’t even tell if you’re able to see the white in his eyes bcs his pupils are just that big

His hands have these huge black claws that could claw someone apart if he wanted to

Also has a cute brown tail that he often hides underneath his clothes because it’s small enough for him to sit on

He gives THE BEST CUDDLESSSS!!!!!

Sometimes shifts into bear form just to cuddle you because it’s cold and relying on the heater might make it too warm

So Binnie likes to use his own fur to warm you up if he notices you shivering

Also would not hesitate to bear his teeth at anyone who tries to hurt you

Changbin doesn’t really tell anyone this

But one of his proudest bear traits is his ability to vocalise like a bear

Which means that whenever he feels the need to protect you or whoever’s around him

He will growl like a bear

And it’s terrifying

You didn’t even know that Changbin could roar until one night when a stranger wouldn't take your ‘no’ as an answer and your boyfriend almost lost his mind

He pulled you behind him and grabbed the collar of their shirt and just roared at them

The stranger being a hybrid of a smaller bear species immediately scrambled off

But Changbin also immediately switches back into sweet, cuddly boyfriend the moment he turns back to you <3

Hyunjin

A sphynx hybrid

Very dramatic

Very loud

He has pink cat ears sticking out of the top of his head with a little black splotch on his left ear

He also has this naked pink tail that sticks out from underneath his shirt

Every minor inconvenience and Hyunjin’s meowing and whining to you about it and you think it’s funny every time he does

Like the time he misplaced his sock and was crying all over your shared home looking for it until he found it underneath the bed

His claws are retractable, so he usually hides them because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone on accident unlike Minho

He’s VERY cuddly both in human form and cat form

Hyunjin likes to do the ‘kneading the dough’ thing whenever you’re cuddling

And ends up leaving holes in your clothes because his claws would accidentally grab onto the fabric

Would also feel really bad afterwards because now he’s ruined your shirt

You reassure him that it’s fine

But Hyunjin’s dramatic also kinda wants an excuse to go shopping with you

So he cries about it and it leads to him dragging you to the mall so that he can buy you a new one

Ends up getting distracted at a cat cafe because he’s made conversation with one of the cats there

And he’s basically talking to them like he’s a middle aged wine mom talking about their weird husbands

You have to remind him what the goal is

But he’s so immersed in the conversation with the orange tabby that you can only watch in amusement

Hyunjin’s talking to it in English while the cat nods with it’s tail swishing every time he asks it a question, mewling every once in a while as a response

You watch with a smile on your face, chin resting against the palm of your hand as you listen

You can only gather that Hyunjin’s telling the cat about why you’re at the mall

And the cat turns to you with a bored expression on its face before meowing

“She says good luck on finding a new shirt”

You nod and reach out to pet the cat’s head as thanks

You and Hyunjin leave after a while

And soon, the trip to get one shirt turns into a shared shopping spree

Jisung

Kinda obvious but he’s a squirrel hybrid

He has a pair of rounded, light brown ears on the top of his head

A bushy light brown tail that bumps into everything whenever he’s in cramped spaces

And the CUTEST pair of brown eyes EVERRRRR

His squirrel trait is where he gets the habit of stuffing food into his cheeks whenever he eats

Ji’s really good at climbing

So he has this long ass piece of wood that he keeps in the living room of his home so that he can still climb something in squirrel form if he can’t go outside

He also has tiny black claws that he uses mainly for practicality when he's in human form

So stuff like cutting into plastic, through strings and to open mail

He just slides his finger across the top of the envelope and boom

Jisung’s quite clumsy

It doesn’t help that he has this huge, bushy tail behind him

He bumps you with it a lot and he’s always so apologetic over it

But it’s fine because it’s his tail and it’s soft and cute and it’s part of Jisung UwU

There were a couple of times where you would wake up and his tail would be tickling your sides

So you’d wake up giggling

And it would wake him up too

He’d turn around and immediately wrap his arms around your waist to cuddle into you

You love playing with his ears

Jisung’s really responsive whenever you pet his squirrel features

So if you touch his tail in public

He’s jolting forward like AHHH

And you like to gently rub his ears whenever you’re cuddling

Jisung usually ends up cuddling into you more because he really likes it whenever you play with his ears

He has a habit of making those squirrel squeaks whenever he’s uncomfortable

So in public, if he feels like he’s overwhelmed or wants to leave

He’ll cling onto your arm and start squeaking softly so that only you’re able to hear

And it’s an easy way for you to know that he wants to leave without him actually telling you

Felix

Horned owl hybrid

He has two sets of white and brown feathers that poke out from the top of his head and curls to the back

He does, however, have talons at his fingertips that he doesn’t really like because it gets caught on a lot of things

Has feathers running down his arms, but can’t actually fly in human form

His eyes are this beautiful amber colour

He also has a lot of hanging stuff in his house that he likes to fly back and forth to whenever he shifts into owl form

Absolutely loves doing the head spinning trick because you freaked out the first time you saw him do it as a human

Felix also has really light footsteps

So sometimes you don’t even hear him coming into a room and suddenly he’s beside you

Which scares you sometimes

Overall, Felix is just unintentionally scary.

Buuuut

Because he has really good eyesight at night

And because he’s nocturnal

He sleeps in the day

Which means that all of his work is done at night while you’re asleep

His hearing is intense which means that he could hear the smallest pin dropping in the kitchen from the bedroom

So when he hears something strange coming from the kitchen

He’s immediately crawling out of bed and peeking out of the bedroom door

That’s when he sees a spider crawling out from behind the fridge

A huge spider

Now, Felix does NOT like spiders

But he knows that if you wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink, then you’re going to be freaked out by too

But he should be able to toss it out the window in owl form

So Felix pops open one of the windows and shifts

His silent flying and sharp night vision make it a quick mission that’s executed without much hassle

He manages to grab the spider with his talons and just tosses it straight out of the window

By the time Felix has returned to the bedroom

You’ve woken up because you realised he wasn’t beside you anymore

So he climbs back into bed and lets you hold onto him while you fall back asleep

Seungmin

Labrador hybrid

Has a pair of golden ears flopping over the top of his head

Also has a golden tail that he usually hides because if he gets over excited then it’ll wag all over the place and might bump into things

Is a relatively quiet person and is also a quiet dog

He doesn’t say or bark that much

But you’ve come to learn how to read his body language

Because his posture both in human form and dog form speak his thoughts

Like whenever he’s standing tall then you’ll figure that Minnie’s probably uncomfortable or feels threatened

As quiet as he is

He’s extremely attentive to your needs as well

Seungmin’s able to catch your body language way quicker than you are at reading his

Which means that the moment you look uncomfortable, he’s immediately moving to stand beside you with an arm wrapped around you

Think of it as that TikTok trend that’s like ‘using my scary dog privilege’

In this case

Seungmin’s more than happy to be the scary dog that lets you walk around alone

He’d bark and bite at anything or anyone who would try to hurt you

Even in human form, he’d growl as a warning to other animal hybrids that are around you

Whenever you’re out in public, Seungmin tries to stay by your side just in case anything happens

But when he has to part from you to talk to another group of your friends

He keeps you in his line of sight

He’d always angle himself in conversations so that the person he’s talking to has their back facing you so that he’s able to see you

And when a cat hybrid suddenly approaches you

Seungmin’s more on the attentive side but he hasn’t gone into protective mode because you don’t look uncomfortable

But then your frame starts to shrink

He immediately changes his posture

Which scares the people around him because suddenly, Seungmin looks so scary

He waits a moment longer and the moment you start looking around the room for him, he’s shoved his drink into the hands of Hyunjin so that he can make his way over to you

He slings his arm over your shoulder and glares at the cat hybrid who’s now extremely intimidated by the presence of the labrador hybrid

Seungmin leans close to the cat and growls at them until they run off

He stays with you for the rest of the night and the way he stays in protective mode makes you feel safe

Until you get home and Seungmin’s back to this ball of cuddle fluff that you absolutely love (｡♥‿♥｡)

Jeongin

Fennec fox hybrid

Has a big pair of white fluffy ears that poke out of his head

Has a fluffy white tail that blends into a more golden colour that’s long enough to poke out from underneath his shirt

He has super insane hearing

Even if he has headphones in, he can hear the outside world

Bodes well for him because whenever you walk into his apartment, he’ll walk out immediately to greet you

He never actually feels hot or warm because his body heat radiates off of his ears

Is always cold in human form

In fox form, his fur insulates his body instead so he doesn’t feel much of a difference

Has a habit of not drinking for hours because he can get stuck in his fox form

Also has a habit of chewing on your desk plants if he deems them edible

Unfortunately for you, that means you’ll come home to your beautiful plant babies half eaten and munched away because your fox boyfriend wanted a snack

To solve this problem, you filled the fridge with berries and vegetables for whenever he feels like snacking

But sometimes he goes overboard and he pretty much eats everything he can find when he forgets to eat for a while

He’s a fox hybrid that doesn’t know how to shift on command

Usually he has this big urge to shift but he’ll be stuck in one form for a while before being able to switch

He doesn’t know any other fox hybrids

So Jeongin has to learn to control his animalistic instincts with the help of you!

His human partner

Lucky for the both of you

You have a friend who’s a red fox hybrid

She’s not a fennec fox

But she still shares similar instincts to Jeongin because they’re both fox hybrids

So now Jeongin comes to you with the biggest smile on his face whenever he’s accomplished something, gushing about how Fox Noona taught him how to shift on command

He’ll show you

And you watch as he shifts into this tiny little fennec fox with a big smile on his snout (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

[starlitangels]

The Twins

Pups AU... from a different perspective ;) This one is not canon to the Pups AU!!!!! It’s just for fun 1.7k words (almost exactly!) (Please see this fic for some information about tokenrun, the magical sport I made up)

—

“Daaad! Xander is breaking the rules!” Rowan complained. Huxley laughed as he got up from the spot where he’d been sitting across from me and went to go scoop up either boy under each arm.

“Are you two getting under each other’s skin?” he teased, spinning in circles while the twins cried out with laughter. He laughed too, big and deep. I watched my family fondly. My parents didn’t even know about their grandsons—and I had no intention of telling them any time soon. Fourteen years ago, when I told them I was marrying Huxley, we’d gotten in another fight. I was marrying another “magic freak” and they wanted nothing to do with him. Huxley had been kind to them up until they insulted me, then he’d gone cold and protective and we’d left. We hadn’t spoken to my parents since. I was sure they’d love to be grandparents, but not to twin boys who would eventually also be magic freaks.

Huxley put Xander and Rowan back on the ground. “Alright. You two versus me,” he said.

They weren’t playing tokenrun anywhere near correctly—but when there were three people playing in a backyard and two of them didn’t have powers yet, it was allowed to be for fun without proper rules.

I watched Huxley fondly as he tackled both the boys to the ground—gently—and hoisted them back up to their feet. Giving them tips and pointers the entire time. Both Xander and Rowan cast occasional glances back at me, searching for approval. I smiled and nodded encouragingly each time.

After a few more plays—during which Huxley “very convincingly” pretended to lose—the three of them huddled together, speaking quietly. I raised a brow and sipped my lemonade.

“Ready? Break!” Xander and Rowan chorused.

All three of them ran at where I was sitting on my pillow in the grass. The boys tackled me while Huxley got behind to cushion my fall. “Rawr!” Rowan exclaimed, his arms around my waist, while all four of us laughed. I held onto my boys when they tried to break away and started to tickle them both. They shrieked.

Huxley’s laughter stopped, his head snapping toward the screen over the open back door. “Doorbell,” he said.

“That’s weird,” Xander said. “We’re not expecting anyone yet, are we?”

“DnD’s not for another hour,” Rowan confirmed.

I extricated myself out from under our boys, dropping them on his lap. “I’ll get it. You three keep playing tokenrun.”

Huxley looked concerned, but I waved him off and blew him a kiss. “I can handle myself,” I said. “Play with the boys while summer lasts.”

I pushed open the screen’s magnets, slipped inside, and crossed through the house to the front door. I tugged on my Threads, burning a bit of magic just in case. There was no aura on the other side of the door.

When I opened the door, a familiar head of brown hair stood there with a backpack I recognized. “Hi,” the visitor greeted.

“Well. Little Miss Natalie Shaw,” I replied.

“I’m sorry I’m so early. My uncle was gonna drop off his son and my brother at hockey while our parents are out for the afternoon and it was either be super early or miss DnD tonight,” Natalie said, picking at her nails awkwardly. Her big eyes were apologetic.

I opened the door wider. “Don’t be sorry, kiddo,” I said. “C’mon in. Rowan and Xander are out back with their dad playing tokenrun. They could probably use another teammate to stand a chance.”

She grinned. “Of course they could. They’re helpless,” she joked, already sliding her DnD backpack off her shoulders. She slipped into the house with the ethereal grace of a shifter—despite the fact that her powers hadn’t manifested yet—and set her backpack down next to the door as she toed out of her sneakers.

“So how come your brother and cousin play hockey instead of tokenrun?” I asked.

“Oh, Danny’s not my cousin,” she said. “We’re not actually related. I just call his dad my uncle. Because... y’know. Shifter packs. We’re all weirdly close, right?” She shrugged. “But, uh, they play hockey because tokenrun isn’t, like, super suited to shifting and if they’re gonna play a sport where they can’t use magic, they might as well play an unempowered sport. Plus—my other packmate, Micah—her parents and family are super into hockey, and Micah dared Danny to try it. My brother plays with him because they’re the only boys our age and Gabriel wanted to share something with Danny besides constant frustration at all the girls.”

I loved hearing her stories about her pack. She didn’t need to know that Caelum had already told me a lot about her and her brother and her dad—given David was Caelum’s very first charge, and he’d taken on Natalie not long after she was born too. I loved hearing her stories from her perspective.

“Are all you girls chaotic little gremlins?” I asked.

She nodded enthusiastically. “Uh-huh.”

“Well, no wonder you get along with my boys so well.”

She laughed. “Yeah. Makes sense.” She waved and ran through the house to the backyard. “Party’s here!” I heard her shout as I made my way back myself.

“Heeey! Natty!” Huxley greeted. “How you been, kiddo?”

“Good! Good to see you, Huxley,” she replied.

I made it to the backyard. Natalie had, apparently, jumped on Xander’s back for a piggyback ride upon leaving the backdoor. Both the boys took after Huxley when it came to build and strength, even for their age, so Natalie (who for now was about their same size) didn’t seem to be much of a burden for Xander to carry.

“Hux, babe,” I piped up. “Think her and the boys together could beat you?”

The fierce, determined smile that lit up Natalie’s face was so wolfish I was surprised her powers hadn’t manifested yet.

Huxley chuckled. “They can try,” he said.

Xander set Natalie down. She took up a position between Xander and Rowan. At her size, could she topple Huxley alone? Not a chance. Her dad could—I’d seen David, he was huge, even in human form—but she was too young and too small.

But she didn’t need to topple him. Xander passed her the token and she took off. Like a bullet. She dodged around Huxley’s long reach and ran for the other end of the backyard while Xander and Rowan slammed into their dad in an attempt to tackle him. I laughed and went back to my pillow next to the vegetable patch, pruning the sage bush.

“Since when are you so fast, Natty?” Huxley asked as she reached the spot where a beacon would be on a proper token run field and cheered.

She cackled. “You grow up with shifters, you learn to be fast,” she said. “My brother manifested his powers a few months ago and he’s been chasing me around the backyard when I annoy him ever since.” She threw the token at him. A child’s token. For high school, academy, and professional tokenrun, the token was a disc of heavy, dense metal. For playing at home, they were using a 3D-printed plastic one that Huxley had printed a while back, sized down for smaller hands.

Hux caught the token easily. “My turn on offense?” he asked.

Natalie put herself back between Xander and Rowan. The boys nodded.

“Alright.”

They counted down and all three kids rushed at him, tackling him around the middle.

—

“And then, just as you’re turning the corner—” Hayley gasped. “There it is! On a pedestal in the center of the chamber, a shaft of sunlight shining down upon it. The tome sits before you and—” I didn’t hear the Telepathic noise she used, but every kid in the room jolted. She was the oldest in the group and her Telepathy had manifested only a month ago, but she was already adept at using it to enhance her DMing. “I need everyone to roll initiative.”

Xander and Rowan scrambled for their dice—and promptly started shouting at each other upon finding both of their D20′s were missing.

I leaned over to Huxley. “Remember when we used to play with Lasko and Saul and Roxanne and them?”

He nodded. “Miss it?”

“Sometimes. This always reminds me of the good old times. I’m just glad the boys get to experience the same thing with their friends, like we did,” I said. “I’m glad they boys will never have to experience what I did when I was their age and my powers manifested.”

Huxley met my gaze, a soft look in those lush green eyes. “We’ll make sure they always know we’re behind them no matter what,” he promised.

“I know,” I said.

We went back to washing up some of the dishes from the kids all having pizza.

“Natalie Shaw!” Xander and Rowan shouted in unison. “Give us back our dice!”

I heard that familiar cackle as Natalie leapt to her feet and bolted, letting the boys chase in her circles around the rest of the group. They were stronger than her and nearly a year older, but couldn’t keep up with her faster pace.

Huxley and I chuckled. “Damn she’s a little troublemaker, isn’t she?” I said quietly.

“Yeah. But the boys love her,” Huxley replied. “Row says she’s the entertainment of the school friend group.”

Natalie whirled and slammed into both the boys head on. Letting them tackle her into the carpet. She had a D20 in each hand. Xander’s violet one and Rowan’s green. “Took you goofs long enough to notice,” she said. “I swiped those from your trays, like, an hour ago.” The twins snatched their dice and got off of her. “There’s a reason I play a rogue in my other group.”

“Yeah, because you’re a mischievous twerp,” Hayley joked.

Natalie got to her feet smoothly and snapped her fingers into finger guns at Hayley. “Exactly,” she replied with a laugh before going back to her seat next to Rowan and Xander. “Also I rolled a twenty-three on initiative,” she said.

Rowan rolled his eyes and Xander’s jaw dropped.

“Alright. Natalie’s at the top of the round. What do you do?”

[il0veyoujk]

Please forgive us

This is a tickle related ff, if you are not interested in it, please keep scrolling

Summary: Y/N (22) is mad at the boys

Warnings: None

Notes: This is one of the three first ffs I ever wrote! I found them some days ago and I thought you'd like to read them! Plus it is my one and only ff with a Y/N cause I wanted to try it! But I won't make any other with it! The rest of them will have a O/C!

Lots of love Nef 💕

It was Friday, 15:45’. You were at your college… Waiting. And waiting. And waiting… You had told boys to pick up you from school to go for lunch.

This week was hell for you. At first, you failed a test, then you missed the bus for your home two times due to heavy rain and you had to walk to your home while being soaked. Also, you had a great fight with one of your best friends but you quickly made it up. And last but not least, the boys were never there for you…

Like today when none of them was there. You called each boy several times but they completely ignored you. So you decided to walk all the way home.

The weather was cloudy and cold and you weren’t in the mood of walking so much. Your feet were hurting and the only thing you wanted at that time was to relax in the soft seat of your friends’ car but nope, you had to use your feet because your stupid famous friends forget about you.

You were nearby your house wearing headphones when someone grabbed your shoulder. You screamed as much as your lungs would allow you to and hit him with your backpack. You thought that he was a burglar and you tried to defend yourself but as soon as you heard his voice you calm down a little.

“Hey! Stop it!”

“Oh my God! Hoseok you scared me to death!” you yelled.

“I’m sorry love” he apologized. You rolled your eyes while you spotted one huge, black car with the boys inside standing in the middle of the road. Fortunately, there were no more cars behind it so you weren’t making anyone wait.

“Where were you? We got to your college but you weren’t there” Namjoon asked worriedly.

“Are you kid-”

“Oh c’mon, just get in and you’ll tell us here” Jungkook cut your words. You got in and sat between Tae and Jungkook.

“I was waiting for you for about forty-five minutes! Where were you?” you asked disappointingly.

“Well, we’re sorry but we had an interview” Namjoon explained to you.

“And why didn’t you call me? Or just text me?”

“Our manager didn’t let us touch our phones” Jimin told you.

“W-where are we going? Jin, you’re on the wrong way” you complained as your stomach started growling and pleading you for food.

“No angel, see? Home is right here” he said while he was parking the huge car.

“Won’t we eat out?”

“Sorry babe, we ate at the studio about an hour ago” Jimin told you while he was helping you get out of the car.

“Are you kidding me?! What about me?! You completely forgot me, didn’t you?!” you asked disappointed.

“Oh, princess… We’re so sorry… Look, we’ll do it tomorrow, we swear. We’ll pick you up fr-”

“I-I don’t think it’s a good idea. Today was the third time you forgot our appointment this week. Plus, tomorrow it's Saturday” you replied disappointed as you entered angrily the house. No one told anything. They just looked at the ground. And what could they tell you? You were right and you knew it. An uncomfortable silence followed as the eight of you were standing in the middle of the hallway.

“I’m sure you’re hungry, what do you want to eat?” Jin asked you, breaking the silence. He wanted to make you forgive them and he knew the best way to succeed was by feeding you.

“I’ll just go rest, I’m not hungry anymore” you left the boys embarrassed in the living room, looking at the ground.

But you didn’t go to your bedroom. There was a room inside the house where you could go and relax. The library -yes, the boys had a huge library in their house- was a quiet place where you were able to read your favorite book or listen to music.

So, you got in there furiously and locked the door. You still had your bag in your hand, so you still had your phone and your headphones with you. You lied on the sofa which was there with a book in your hand and your headphones on.

Although you were their best friend, you were a huge fan of metal music and the boys knew that very well. And when you were wearing headphones you could hear no one.

The boys were trying to open the library’s door but soon they realized it was locked. Jin and Hoseok were shouting things like ‘Get out please!’ and ‘We’re sorry’ but it was useless, you couldn’t hear anything.

Just then a message blink on your phone.

Tae: C’mon babe, get out…

You: Leave me alone, I’ll get out later

You didn’t want to talk to anyone. You were so tired waiting for them and then walking home. Also, you were hungry. You didn’t admit it but you were hungry. Luckily you had a chocolate bar in your bag. But the most important; you were mad. Mad to them. They didn’t pay attention to you this week. They forgot about you this week. It was like… You weren’t their best friend this week… When you needed them, they weren’t there for you, when you wanted to have some fun with them, they weren’t there for you and when you just wanted a shoulder to cry on, they weren’t there for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The boys were sitting in the living room. They were quiet, scrolling down their phones. However, even a baby could sense the tension in the atmosphere. Their thoughts were all about you. Your face, your feelings, what they can do for you to forgive them.

“She’s acting too hyperbolically” Yoongi broke the silence.

“I don’t know hyung” Jimin disagreed. “She was true. We had three appointments this week and every time we were getting late to pick her up”

“I agree with you. She’s our best friend and we completely forgot her this week” Tae admitted.

“We must do something about that” Jungkook suggested furiously. “She’s so mad at us and I don’t blame her. We have to cheer her up and prove to her that we never ignored her”

“Oh Kookie, don’t be so dramatic. She already knows that” Namjoon told him. “However yes, I agree with you. We must cheer her up. So, think something!” he said loudly and everyone obeyed. They dived through their thoughts to find the perfect way to make you smile again.

Ten minutes had passed when Jimin finally yelled “Found it!” Immediately, all the boys came around him. His ideas were always some of the best ones everyone could ever have. “Here’s the plan~” Jimin whispered and started to explain the plan.

“So, you say we will use her weakness to our advantage” the maknae smirked and rubbed his palms together evilly.

“Um... Like every time and she doesn’t seem to mind that so...”

“Smart and evil. Just perfect!” Hoseok grinned.

“So let’s start” Jin recommended.

Jungkook would text you. You couldn't resist the boys when they begged you for something, especially Jungkook and everyone knew that. Even your ex-boyfriend was jealous of that.

He walked outside the library. He knocked on the door three times. No reaction. So, he sent you a message.

Jungkook: Baby please, let me get in. Just me, not anyone else. Please, I’m begging you. I want to talk and see if you’re okay

After a few seconds, the maknae heard the door being unlocked and saw you half-crying and half-mad. He felt like trash realizing that they had hurt you. He hugged you tightly and rubbed your hair and back. He knew that that always helps you calm down.

“Oh, we’re so sorry, precious. We didn’t want to hurt you” you hugged him back as his words started melting you and his hug was one of the warmest places on this earth for you so you couldn’t say no.

“I-I don’t want to talk about it. Just get in Kookie” you close the door, Jungkook sat on the couch and you did the same.

“Well… You know we love you” he started. “And we’d never forget you on purpose. You’re just like our sister. We’re very busy this week, you know” he explained to you. His eyes were regretfully widened and he placed his hand on your knee. Unfortunately for him, you stayed quiet so he continued “Do you want to come down to watch a movie and chill? And of course, you must be hungry. You didn't eat anything all day” he suggested to you.

“No thanks, I prefer just sitting here and finishing my book” you refused.

“You mean you don’t forgive us?”

“I didn’t say that. I said I’m not in the mood”

“I think I can make you be in the mood” he said evilly.

“How-?” you asked him but you stopped when you saw his smirk appearing on his face as he was starting getting up “Oh, wait I know that look. Jungkook don’t you da-” he cut off your phrase by lifting you and throwing you over his shoulder holding your feet with both hands.

“Jungkook what are you doing?!” you yelled between your giggles as you hit his back several times. He didn’t feel anything tho. He was much stronger than you and you knew it very well so you couldn’t do anything. You tried to escape and you were yelling things like “Put me down!” and “I’ll kill you!” but it was useless.

When you two arrived at the end of the hall he put you down, got you bridal style, and moved you to the living room.

“Hey, guys! Look who we got here!” he announced. “Mrs. I-don’t-forgive-you”

“I never said that!” you yelled.

“Yes you did”

“Is that true babe? You don’t forgive us?” Jimin asked pretended to be sad.

“I didn’t say that! Jungkook put me down now!” you yelled.

“As you wish angel” he said and put you on the carpet sitting on your hips. The other members came around you and looked at you. Your eyes widened as you realized what was coming for you.

“What are you doing? Get off me!” you screamed even though you were very well what they were doing.

“Do you forgive us?” Hoseok asked playfully.

“In fact, I’m starting to hate you right now” you said angrily.

“Oh, is our little bratty girl mad?” Tae teased.

“Yes! Get off me now!”

You were starting to feel your body shaking a little. You never wanted to be in that situation since the last time. You were panting for at least ten minutes and you couldn’t get up from the floor.

“No, until you smile again” Jin told you, wiggling his fingers.

“If I don’t?”

“If you don’t we’ll be obliged to make you” Namjoon laughed. Every boy sat around you with an evil smile on his face. But the evilest one was Jungkook’s. You never like that smile when it’s on his face because you knew that you were going to be in trouble.

“Don’t look at me like that!”

“Why princess? Do we scare you?” Yoongi teased.

“Well yes! Especially Jungkook”

“Oh, are you afraid of me? What if I come nearer you, like this…” he said and he moved his face near you so you could feel his breath.

“I wasn’t literally. I meant I am afraid about what you have in mind”

“Oh, don’t be scared, angel” Jin relaxed you. “Jungkook, show her what we want to do” he said and the youngest bent over more and put his head on the left side of your neck.

“W-What are you doing?” you giggled.

“She’s giggling, that’s good. Keep going Kookie” Namjoon suggested.

“Oh baby, laugh for me” he said. His breath was touching your bare skin which caused you to giggle more.

“S-Stohohop, that tickles so bahahad” you giggled. You could feel him chuckle in your neck.

“Will you forgive us?” Tae asked playfully.

“Mahahake him stohohop first”

“Stop what? He’s not even moving” he laughed, clearly enjoying the scene.

“Stohohop breathing in my neheheheck”

“Why?” Namjoon asked, ‘innocently’

“He’s tihihickling mehehe!” you shouted.

“Well…Jungkook stop breathing in her neck” All the boys looked confused at him. Even Jungkook raised his head and looked at him.

“Ah thank you Joon” you breathed a sigh of relief.

“Nuzzle it” Tae exclaimed. Jungkook smiled evilly when he heard this phrase and did as Tae told him.

“Nononono!” you yelled but it was too late. The maknae was already in your neck nuzzling it.

“StohohoHOHOHOP!” you cried inside your laughter as he started nuzzling and snuffling.

“Do you need help, Kook?” Jimin asked and the younger boy nodded, which made you laugh more.

“Dohon’t answeheheheher!”

“Did you just tell him what to do? You’re gonna get it about that right now!” he pretended to be mad and grabbed your wrists, pinning them above your head and sitting on them.

“Are you ready for your punishment?” asked teasingly just when Tae sat on your ankles and said playfully. “I don’t know how to play the piano. I think your toes will help me, right beauty?” you couldn’t reply due to your heavy breathing. You were already a giggling mess.

“Kook I’ll take good care of her neck. You can count her ribs. I think she is missing some” Jimin said looking straight at your eyes smiling.

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOO!” you screamed so loud that the boys looked at you surprised.

“Oh my God princess, I knew you were ticklish but I didn’t know how much! That’s incredible. I didn’t even start yet and you are terrified only by the thought!” Jungkook laughed.

“I know something that tickles like hell. Kookie give me your sit please” Namjoon suggested. Everything happened so fast that you didn’t realize it.

Namjoon pulled up your shirt and lowered his neck. He kissed your skin softly making you squeal and letting some adorable giggles get out of you. You immediately arched your back as you couldn’t bear the sense of his mouth. Then he blew the longest raspberry he could on your tummy and poked your sides several times at the same time.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” you screamed as loud as you could, as he had hit your most sensitive spot.

“Okay, that’s definitely one of your worst spots” Hoseok realize happily, trying to be heard as your screaming laughter was covering his words.

Your breathing was already heavy and you couldn’t control your laughter. Yeah, that was true, that was one of your words spots and you just couldn’t stand it. You were feeling like electric jolts were hitting your body mercilessly.

“St-stohohop plehehehehease!” you begged when you caught your breath after he gave you a break. You just couldn’t start the teasing, it made everything worse.

“You know what?” Jungkook started saying. “I’ll show you mercy and I won’t count your ribs”

“Thahahahank you so muhuhuhuhuch Kookie” you giggled

“However your armpits seemed to need a massage” he said and immediately shot his hands under them, drawing circles with his thumbs. Then, one by one, all the boys find a spot on your body and start tickling it. Jimin your neck, Jungkook your armpits, Namjoon your tummy and sides, Hoseok and Jin your under-knees, Yoongi your calves, and finally Tae your feet.

“AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA” you cried so loud that you could break a glass. However no one showed you any mercy, they never do when they tickle you.

“Your safe phrase is…” Yoongi told you. “‘I FORGIVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU’, are you okay with that?” You only could laugh while tears were running on your face. “That’s what I thought”

“Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Your Neck Will Be Tickled Now” Jimin sang you which was worse for you.

Tae was playing with your toes like a piano when an idea grew inside his mind. He grabbed a black marker from the coffee table next to him and drew some circles on your soles. It was unbearable. The second most sensitive most was being attacked successfully.

“Oh-oh… Someone kicked…” he said and kissed all the circles. Why did everyone have to use his mouth to tickle you? It was so much worse than fingers.

“AHAHA TAHAHAHAE STOHOHOHOHOP!”

Hoseok and Jin were pinching and wriggling their fingers under your knees, it was bad… Too bad... You couldn’t stand it. Yoongi gave up and sat on the sofa. Taehyung kept kissing and playing with your toes. Jungkook was now scribbling his nails in your hollows. But when Jimin started nibbling your neck you broke.

“OHOHOHOHOHKAYHYHYHHY IHIHIHIHI’LL SAHAHAHAHAY IHIHIHT” you screamed and the boys immediately stopped. Everyone except Namjoon who was lightly spidering your tummy. Sometimes he would pinch it and you’d flinch.

“I forgIVE you and I lOVe you” you said half-giggling half-yelling while you were panting and trying to catch your breath.

“We love you too, princess” they said all together.

“However you’re gonna get it so bad one day guys” you threatened them.

“What did you say?” Jungkook asked poking your left side.

“Nothing, nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing!” you said loudly and everyone laughed.

“Oh love, your weakness is lovely. We can use it for so many reasons! It’s incredible!” Jin exclaimed.

“Oh please, don’t do it” you pleased them.

“Every. Single. Day. Baby” Tae told you, poking your soles between each word and you giggled loudly.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that. Can you let me go now, please?”

“Oh yes, of course, dear” Hoseok said and everyone stood up. Jin gave you his hand and helped you stand up too.

“Oh, before I forgot it. Tomorrow, at 15:00’, outside the park after our dance practice. We won’t be late, deal?” He told you.

“Deal” you agreed, smiling.

“Let’s watch a movie!” Jungkook suggested.

You were watching Disney movies all afternoon. You were cuddling with Jimin and Jungkook the whole time. God, these boys really knew how to make you weak and make you a little ball of blush. They were your best friends and no one could change.

[bonny-kookoo]

Mean (JJK x Reader) 💜☁️✴️🔞

💸 Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

💸 Genre: Mafia!AU, Single Parent AU!, Angst, fluff, Smut

💸 Warnings: bad language aka cursing, mentions of cheating, mentions of illegal business, manhandling and not the nice kind, tsundere Jungkook, it’s not like he likes you duh, guns, description of violence, restriction of movement and not in a kinky way, protected sex because dude he’s got one kid okay that’s enough, unconventional romance, choking, near death experience, angst did I mention angst

💸 Summary: Jeon Jungkook was kinda cute, you had to admit that- but he was also a massive douchebag with his head up his ass. And a cute kid.

A/N: First of all, I want to apologize to anyone I might dissapoint with this. I've changed up the story concept numerous times- and the first trailer is in no way a proper teaser anymore, since it has nothing to do with this story anymore. I somehow hope you still enjoy the story however. If not- I hope you'll stick around for future content!

Taglist: @drumsofheaven @yzkyzkuniverse @strwberrybtch @kirbykook @teresaisla @park-hera-gi @justzeera @taestannie @bambuzlee (there were several people I couldn’t tag- I’m sorry about that!) 

Jeon Jungkook was facing his worst enemy.

Now, considering his work and all those rumors going on about him, this could be anything really; from an entire army storming his house, to readying himself for waterboarding. But no, this enemy he was currently standing across from was way more vile and difficult to get under control. The situation was slowly growing desperate on his side- this was a life and death situation.

"Mina, come on now." Jungkook pleaded as the toddler vehemently refused to raise her arms properly so he could slip on her dress for the day. He could understand her, to an extend- he wasn't a morning person either, but he had to overcome this in order to be successful- and she had to as well.

Well, success was not really that important at her age, but getting her to daycare definitely was.

"Mina I have a meeting soon and if you continue to be a brat I can't send you off again properly." He tried, knowing how much she hated him leaving in a rush like usually. He'd promised her the day prior as he'd tucked her into bed that he would, this time, at least stay until her friends had arrived, yet he couldn't have known that this situation would occur the next morning.

Sometimes being a single father was way worse than anything he was facing at his actual job.

"There we go!" He cheered as she finally caved in, pouting a bit before she giggled at the silly face her father was making in order to get her to smile. He hated sending her off in a foul mood, knowing that she could be an absolute devil's child if she felt like it. In a way, she was very similar to him, which was to be expected with her mother not being in the picture. He didn't mind it much, however- a cheating spouse was not really what he wanted by his side, if he was being entirely honest with himself. It was enough already knowing that almost all of his 'friends' and 'business partners' were shameless liars. He didn't need to live and raise a child with one as well.

"Tiger!" The young girl cheerfully exclaimed, as the both made their way into the kitchen. It wasn't just a random comment from her side, because her chubby hand already pointed at the cereal box designed with colorful images on the counter, way too high for her but perfectly reachable for her father as he chuckled, balancing her on his hip as he prepared a small bowl for her.

"No funny business though, young lady." He said, as he sat down with her at the table. "We don't have to hurry, but we can't waste time either." He explained, as he watched her eat her breakfast with a concentrated face. He smiled at the picture, sometimes wishing this would be how his days would always start. Sadly, that wasn't the case- most of the times really, her nanny took her to daycare.

Which was another problem.

Her nanny had recently filed in for her termination, her age getting to her as she finally made the decision to settle down for her last years of life, she'd said. He accepted it without much resistance, having build too much respect for the elderly woman over the course of time by now. It left him with a gaping hole however, one that he knew he needed to fill.

But with who?

He couldn't just hire anybody for Mina at this point in his life. People needed to be fully trustworthy to be even given knowledge of his child at all. Most didn't even know she existed- the public unaware of her relation to him. He kept the facade up that she was merely the child of a close friend, just to keep her out of range of any potential enemies he had gathered over time.

His life really wasn't fit for a child at all, but what was he supposed to do?

"Y/N!" A small voice exclaimed behind you, making you look around from where you were cutting apples as the small child appeared.

"Mina!" You answered just as brightly, picking her up as she giggled excitedly. "Did you have breakfast yet?" You asked, as another daycare worker came inside.

"Yeah!" She said, and you looked at her surprised. "Daddy and I had breakfast!" She explained, as you placed her back down onto the ground. "He'ven brought me here today!" She said, and you hummed affirmatively,

"That sounds awesome!" You said, as she beamed up at you. "Why don't you go sit at the table, we're almost having our morning snack. You think you can eat some apples?" You asked, and she proudly nodded, before zooming off, stumbling a bit as she missed the slight gap of the door.

"He didn't come inside." Jenny said, as she watched the little girl sit down next to a boy her age. "I saw that he was sitting in his car, but she got out herself." She explained further, as you continued cutting the apples and making some cuts to have them resemble a bunny. "I swear to god-" She started, as you cut her off.

"We don't know what his life is like, Jenny." You said, as she huffed. "It's not our kid, it's not our life. She isn't unhappy, she's healthy, she's not mistreated. Case closed." You explained further as you discarded the scraps of apple unneeded in the trash, before rinsing the knife you'd used. "I'm not too happy about it either, but we're not her mother." You said, as you dried your hands.

Jenny sighed. "I know, but like-" She said, walking over to you to help you place the banana slices and grapes as well. "She's such a sweet kid. I don't know, but he seems like such a dick honestly. Like, have you heard his phonecall last week?" You snorted. Everyone did at this point.

Mina had had a minor incident, when she'd stumbled and fell. She'd scraped her knee, cried a little, but after a moment everything had been fine again. He however, had been livid upon finding out his daughter had been hurt, even though the scratches didn't even need a bandaid. Even though he'd only been on the phone with your superior, he'd made such a scene out of it that it became like local news around the daycare.

"I still don't know what the fuck that was about." Jenny exclaimed, taking a sip of her coffee as she kept an eye on the kids in the main room. "Like, yeah, she fell, but nothing happened." She said, and you agreed.

Shrugging, you grabbed some plates and napkins, and looked at Jenny. "Again." You reminded her. "As harsh as it sounds, you know me." Jenny sighed.

"I know."

You took back everything you had said this morning.

This prick had the audacity to keep you waiting for more than two hours now, without reacting to any amount of phonecalls you'd done by now. Mina was almost asleep on your lap, and you were angry to say the least. This was supposed to be your last day of work for a week, you were supposed to be curled up on your couch in nothing but underwear and fluffy socks, hidden by a blanket and eating icecream while watching netflix. You were definitely not supposed to sit here at your daycare until even the janitor was about to go home. "Fuck it." You mumble, carefully balancing the young girl on your hip as you grab your bag and keys.

You wave the janitor and cleaning staff goodbye on their way out, and take out your phone for a bus or subway that could drive close to where Mina's address is- but you notice there is nothing in her jacket written that you could use as one. You instead simply call the number written down for emergencies, and wait as it rings.

once.

twice.

"Hello?"

You are a bit taken aback by the voice on the other line, masculine, but clearly not as old as you'd thought he'd sound. "Uh, yeah, this is Mina's daycare, you mind picking her up these days, or not?" You casually say, Mina moving around a bit as to bring her thumb close to her lips. You internally coo at her.

"Shit! Fuck- I, where are you?" He asks, and you furrow your brows. Where the hell does he think you are, or does he seriously not know where his daughters daycare is? Wait, is that even her father?

"I- listen, am I even talking to her father or who is this?" You ask, and suddenly you feel extremely uncomfortable. This was a bad idea, what if this isnt her dad at all? You could loose your job for this!

"Yeah, yes. Listen I'm gonna send someone to pick her up alright? Should be there in an hour or so." He says as if frustrated, and you scoff, making him question you on the other line as if he was just struck by thunder. "Excuse me?" He says, voice low, but you're not intimitated.

"First of all, I'm not convinced. Second of all, and pardon my french, but are you nuts?! It's already way too late for her to be up, and I've finished my shift hours ago!" You complain, and he clears his throat over the line, clearly unhappy about your lack of understanding.

"Jeon Mina has a small beauty mark underneath her lower lip, she hates strawberries for some reason, and her biggest secret is that she is actually scared of unicorns. There, happy?" He grits out, and you chew on your lip. He was good. "Second of all, Miss." He makes sure to pronounce every word. "You're getting paid to look after my kid. If that's all you want I'm paying you extra for the inconvenience-" Oh boy, there we go.

"If I cared about your stupid money I would've called authorities hours ago, S.I.R." You start, careful to tone your voice down as to not wake her up. "And you know what, thats a great Idea actually! Let me just-" You begin, but he cuts you off with a sound that sounds awfully like a door closing.

"Fuck you, I'm there in 20." He says.

Jeon Jungkook was not too fond of woman.

That much was clear ever since he'd been cheated on and left with a kid, but it had always been like that. It wasn't like he was afraid of them, or didn't like them, it was more like, during his life, woman had been the reason for heartbreak and bad news all along. His mother had been an alcoholic, his dad desperately trying to get her back on track. His sister had been involved into shady business early on, a wild child that would do anything to get on peoples nerves. His aunt, which only ever visited to gain money. Women were bad news.

So his own surprise had been very prominent when he spotted you on the bench with his kid in your arms,her chubby arms clinging onto you like a koala. You seemed to be reading something on your phone, careful not to point the device too close to Mina so she wouldn't be disturbed. You were pretty, he had to admit that, even from far away- and you seemed like a confident person, from what he'd heard over the phone. You suddenly noticed him as he drove a bit closer, car tires crunching the gravel and snow underneath while his headlights shut off, to not blind you both. He stepped out, as you woke Mina up to announce to her that her father had finally arrived.

"Daddy!" She screached sleepily, running towards him with stumbling legs. He picked her up with a smile before he turned around, having every intention to buckle her up in his backseat as you came closer.

"Huh. Mind telling me why I shouldn't inform authorities about this?" You asked, and he huffed out a breath with a roll of his eyes, pulling out his wallet. You simply stood there, arms crossed, not at all fazed by the amount of money he held in front of you- you simply raised your eyebrow. "I mean, if money could talk I'd ask your bills, sure. But that right there isn't an answer." You replied, and he gritted his teeth, jaw clenching. Why were you being so difficult.

"Okay, how much?" He said, and you suddenly moved, shifted, as if absolutely offended by his offer.

"Do I look like a streetworker to you sir?" You said, and he closed his eyes for a moment, until another car seemed to pull up.

"You're getting picked up." He says, ready to step into his car as you look at him with confusion. "You don't know them?" He asks, and you shake your head, having every intention to check as he notices something familiar peeking out of one of the car windows. As if on autopilot, he rips his passenger side open, pushes you in, and runs to get inside the drivers seat.

There are shots fired, Mina is holding her hands over her ears as she simply stares at you, who is absolutely shell-shocked.

What the hell just happened?

So yeah, that's how you got here-

In a room that looked awfully like the interrogation rooms in your late night netflix crime shows. There was someone sitting in front of you- Mina's father, watching you, like you were going to do anything. But you were as quiet as a mouse, not saying anything.

"So you didn't know them? At all?" He questioned for the second time in the past ten minutes, and you shook your head. "Hard to believe. Then again, why would you ever tell me that your Dad's brother was sentenced to two years for escorting drugs- only getting two years because he snitched." He said, and your eyes widened.

"Okay what the hell-" You started, but he cut you off.

"Oh, I hit a nerve-" But you weren't having it.

"Oh an I'm gonna hit your pretty nose if you don't stop cutting me off!" You said, making him smirk. For some reason, this was quite entertaining to him- the only woman he ever had in here were so keen on keeping up that shy and innocent facade, that you were a breath of fresh air. "Listen, I don't know why you decided to dig up things that happened when I was literally a TODDLER- or how you even got that information - I swear to god I will really break your nose!" You ended as he had tried to speak again, making him chuckle.

If you weren't being held captive after getting your night ruined you might as well would've thought that was pretty hot.

"I was five years old- I had nothing to do with it, and my dad had no contact whatsoever with his brother after what had happened." You explained. "If you can find that, you can also find that I haven't had contact with my family in years either." You said, leaning back, as he spoke.

"I did. Which is quite confusing to me." He said.

You suddenly went stone cold on him. "It really isnt that deep." You said.

"Were you avoiding them?" He asked. "Because of what happened? Or because your dad got involved into something?"

"Because they're dead." You said.

Well. This was something that made him actually stop and think for a second. He did dig into that nasty part of your family, but he never looked further- their death was something he had overlooked. And by your reaction as you said it, the way you said it, he knew that you weren't lying. "Alright." He said. "But you do realize that I can't just let you go like that, right?" He said.

"Figured." You said. "So, should I stand facing against the wall or with my back against it so you can aim better?" You said, and he took a deep breath. Technically, yes, that would be a logical outcome.

"Neither." He said, and you raised your eyebrow. "I have an offering." He said, and your entire body went stiff, arms crossing in front of your chest. A pure sign of whatever he was going to say, your first reaction would be no. "I need a nanny for Mina." He said, and your lips parted, confusion clear on your face.

He almost thought it was kind of cute.

"You what?" You said.

"I need a nanny for Mina." He repeated. "It's a win-win situation for both of us if you think about it. You get to- in a way- keep your job and a bonus in terms of payment, and I will have someone to take care of Mina. And I also don't have to put a bullet into your pretty little head." He said, leaning forward with the last words.

"This isn't really a question, isn't it?" You said, and he laughed.

"You're smart- I like you."

„But that’s not how daddy does it..“ she wonders, as you tie her shoes for her, before looking up into her eyes. She really does resemble her father. Well, a more innocent version, that is.

„Well everyone does it differently.“ you say, well aware that there were numerous ways to tie a simple bow. „Your daddy probably has learned it from someone who does it like he does. I learned it from my dad.“ you explained as you went to pick up her backpack, carrying it for her as she took your hand.

„yours looks prettier tho!“ she exclaimed happily, a skip in her step as she kept looking at her shoes with a smile. You grinned, a sense of pride filling you. „Daddy‘s always looks crooked on one side-„ she said, before a voice broke through the sweet moment.

„You hurt me Princess. You always said they look nice.“ he hummed from his spot in the doorway, leaned on the frame, looking at you with something you could only describe as unsatisfied, while shooting his daughter a smile.

What the hell have you done wrong now?

This had been something going on for months now. Ever since you started working for him as a nanny, Mina had been nothing but a ray of sunshine- but he, he was not even a raincloud. He was the angry grinch miltiplied by a hundred, ready to piss everyone off twenty-five-eight. Somehow everything you did wasn't up to his standards; the way you cooked for Mina, the way you dressed her, hell, even right now with the way you tied a fucking bow.

You really hoped next time he washed his hands, his sleeves would roll down.

"There's an emergency gun underneath the back-" He started as Mina was out of listening-reach.

"I won't use it." You said.

Jungkook had tried to get you trained at least in the basics of guns- but you practically had an allergy to it, refusing to so much as touch one. He didn't quite know what your problem was, but after a while, he had given up on it- simply sending one of his guards with you whenever he could. By now, you were an easy target as well if found alone, so you had joined him in his place, occupying one of the larger guest rooms. He had said that it was to keep an eye on you, but internally, he simply didn't want you to get hurt.

And yeah, at first that was because he didn't trust you, at all- but by now, somehow, you had sneaked your way into his heart, in a way. Even though he himself would always grumpily comment on it, he loved how you made Mina smile and the entire mansion light up. Things felt a little brighter, a little less tense, and a little less lonely with you around. It felt as if you were an actual family.

And that scared the shit out of him, because in no way was he going to fall for his daughters nanny.

And, after all; you hated his guts.

If Jungkook knew the situation you and Mina had gotten yourselves into, you don't know if he would be proud of her or kill you.

Turns out that the guard Jungkook had sent you out with wasn't actually following his orders at all, but words from a different person entirely- you imagined they were highly likely the one's out to shoot you back when you first met the tall mafia boss and father. Now, the only thing they definitely did not get right however, was that you were Mina's mother- and someone Jungkook valued enough to give up his safety. This was true for Mina; the young child was his everything, and he'd cut off his limbs just to know her safe and sound- but you? That was just absolutely stupid. Sure, you've been living together for quite some time now, and he stopped trying to mentally push you down the stairs every morning as well. But there was nothing more than a mild case of friend- and partnership. You weren't being emo; Jungkook had, after all, said it again and again that he had crossed out the dating game. He's got enough trouble with Mina and you, he had said.

Well, seemed like one of those issues would solve itself.

"Again, what're you gonna do?" You say, as Mina looks at you from out of the vents above you had helped her into seconds ago.

"Crawl where the nice air is, call daddy- and don't look back." She repeats proudly, but you can see it clearly that she's just as scared as you are.

"Exactly, good job princess." You praise, and she nods with a pout. "Once daddy gets you, you'll be safe." You promise, and she wants to complain- but you don't let her, closing the vent again as you hear her shuffling away. This was fine. Mina would be safe, Jungkook would have one person less to worry about- he could move away, bring her to a different part of the country where no one knew her, and she could simply go to school next year and forget all of this ever happened.

You were just a bit sad that you'd never get to see it.

Of course you weren't her mother- but it was hard not to let her inside your heart, with the way she was. The charms her dad didn't have, she got them times ten. She was just so sweet, and you were around her all the time, it was hard not to somehow grow fond of her. You just hoped she'd be alright.

"Where's the kid, whore?!" A guard yelled after noticing you were the only one left in the room. You simply smiled, not answering, before he grabbed your neck, pulling you up as much as he could as he fumed. "Save that stupid grin for your son of a bitch at home." He barks, and you desperately try to breathe- unsuccessfully so, until he forcefully pushes you back down, the back of your head hiding the concrete floor with a sickening crack. You squealed out in pain, holding onto the spot for dear life as if that would somehow help it- but it didn't. "I knew sluts like you have to be tied up. You're all just trouble." He says, pulling you by your legs as another set of people come in, binding your legs and hands. You can already feel your fingers getting cold from how tight your wrists are tied- but you black out from the kick to your stomach before you can quite dwell on it.

"Fuck!" He yells, before he gets up, hands in his hair to somehow help himself not punch the laptop on his table. He's seen it, seen it all- from the moments you would shield Mina like a fearless lioness, the second you had lifted her up into the vents even though he knew your shoulder had to be in horrible pain, to the very moment you had faced the consequences of your actions. He hated that he had to wait, that he had to simply sit here in his office like a coward just to watch you take the beatings.

Because here was the thing with Jungkook; even though he liked to portray himself as someone who always takes the upper hand in things and troubles, when it came to his own personal life far away from his criminal business he ran, he couldn't seem to ever make up his mind. It was like a repeat of his past love affair- but instead of his ex-wife cheating and leaving him with a child, there was you, in some way fighting like a true lionness in order to keep said child safe and sound, even though you didn't even had to. Technically, this would've been the perfect opportunity for you to finally get your freedom back in a way. Because without Mina, there was no use for you being in his grasp anymore. Without her, there was no agreement between the two of you.

And yet there you were. And yet again, he simply watched, simply did nothing.

The entire mansion was already on high alert by now; his most trusted friends Seokjin and Yoongi already out to your location- he could wait. He could wait. He could wait.

Everything would somehow turn out to be just fine by the end of this day. He would successfully take his daughter into his arms, Yoongi and Seokjin would get you out of there, and after a good nights sleep and some first aid for you, things would just return to normal.

But what was normal at this point?

He didn't want things to continue like they did currently. He wanted change, for the first time in his life. He wanted to tell you about his inner thoughts, about his desires concerning you and his future. He wanted to tell you that he didn't just want you to be at his home and with him and his daughter just because of some stupid agreement. He didn't want you to stay with him because he forced you to.

His phone began to chime, your face greeting him as the caller ID as he accepts it. "Daddy-" His heart sinks down to the floor as he hears Mina sniffle on the other side of the line. He has to wait, he thinks, repeats like a mantra. He has to somehow calm her down, tell her everything's alright- "They're hurting mommy!" Mina wails, and somehow, those words make him snap.

Fuck waiting.

In a way, Mina was a smart kid. She had been nothing but understanding when Jungkook and her mother had broken up- divorced, and fought until she eventually left for good. She had been a little sad for a long time, thinking it had somehow been her fault; but he had assured her, and later on, explained, that Mommy simply didn't love Daddy anymore. In Daycare, she was one of the most well behaved kids ever encountered- careful, and calm. Of course she got excited and happy and sometimes made a mess; but she also was very careful who she interacted with, what kinds of friends she made, and how much she talked about home. She never complained, never threw public tantrums.

Jungkook truly was lucky- that the only thing left of his shattered marriage had been her.

He never had relationships after that- never dated, never truly searched for someone. No one, in his eyes, was worth the risk- and even after meeting you, that was his opinion. But as cliche as it sounded, you were quite different from anyone he'd ever met before.

You spoke your mind; always saying what bothered you, never beating around the bush. Yet, you weren't being a bitch about things. No, you actually could be pretty cute if you wanted to be- be it the moments he had caught you and Mina sneak a taste of her birthday cake in the middle of the night, or the one time he had been sick.

You had been such an angel to him.

Helping him towards the bathroom, never even scrunching your nose in distaste whenever he had to throw up. You simply rubbed his back, helping him towards the sink to rinse, just to lead him back into his bedroom. You had aired the room out, made the bed, made sure that he was staying hydrated and at least tried to eat every day- all without any complains.

Maybe that was the moment his perspective of you shifted into dangerous territory.

He had somehow become hyperaware of the things you did. How well you got along with Mina, how easy going you were becoming with him- how confident yet nurturing and sweet you were, gently scolding him sometimes to not overwork himself. You always made sure his kid felt happy and was healthy, never so much as whined about your past friendships lost; you had simply accepted the new situation.

In a way, you were what he silently dreamed of at night.

Because as much as he loved the sight of you holding Mina whenever she had a nightmare and couldn't sleep, he somehow also craved to be held throughout the night by your arms. Just like he held his daughter in that moment after she had climbed out of the vent into his arms. He could make out some of her words as he simply let himself feel her tiny body in his arms for a moment. Just to make sure she was really there, really alright, really out of harms way. She kept on crying out for you, for him to help you, to save you-

So it was only natural for him to jump out of his car and run after Seokjin, Yoongi, and their squad, as they entered the building.

Sometimes at night, when you got aware of all the different sounds of the room, you heard the blood rush inside your brain.

Just like now; but now, it was so loud that you could barely hear anything else. Things seemed hazy, fuzzy, your ears stuffed with cotton wool drowning out any sounds might happening around you. Your eyes stayed closed, light way too bright for your raging headache- and the stale metal taste on your tongue wasn't helping either. Your hands had started to tingle long ago, and your knees were hurting from being in the same position for this long. But the moment someone touched you next, it wasn't forceful. It was so gentle, and almost- scared?

You couldn't hear, but you could feel. How the rope was cut, blood rushing painfully into your hands and legs again, pins and needles making them hypersensitive as you were suddenly held- moved, carried?

It smelled like home, that was something your dizzy mind was able to properly make out. It smelled like Jungkooks mansion, and a bit like his office- a faint vanilla hitting your senses, making you faintly smile as your hand reached out, unknowingly grabbing his shirt, holding the fabric as tight as you could as you moaned out in pain when he placed you down again, warmth surrounding you.

Maybe you were dying?

Or maybe not.

Because after some hazy and confusing dreams, you slowly came back to your senses. Eyes opening slowly, there it was; the curtains you knew so well, the balcony opened, air crisp and fresh around you as the door opened. You wanted to move your head, but the fear of triggering another headache was too big.

"Y/N?" Jungkooks voice asked, warm, and almost hesitant. You hummed, and he snapped his head around, noticing that yes- after days of sleeping and slipping in and out of consciousness you were actually awake again. He walked into your field of vision, looking so casual; his white button up undone at the first two buttons, sleeves rolled up as he sat down close to you, palm on the blanket covering you as he-

smiled?

"W-" You had to cough a bit before clearing your throat. "Who are you and what have you done to Jungkook?" You said, and he chuckled, sighing in relief- you had, after all, not lost your charm.

"I think past Jungkook had a moment of self-reflection." He said, watching you as his hand placed itself onto yours, warmth spreading over your skin. "I'm glad you're okay." He admitted. "And thank you. For keeping.. Mina safe." He ended, and you smiled.

"That's literally my job." You said, and he got more serious.

"No, and you know what I mean." His voice was deep and rough, yet held no authority like usual. "You had chances to tell them who you were. That you had no connection to me other than through her; yet you didn't. And we both know why." He said, and you looked at him.

"There are more reasons than just one." You said, eyes drifting to his now empty ring finger on the hand resting on his thigh.

"Does it matter which one I mean?" He asked, and you wanted to scoff.

"It does to me." You said, and he shifted closer after a second, properly holding your hand now as he looked at yours- still a little scratched, but nothing that wouldn't heal.

"You did it because that's the reason you live here." He said. "You also did it because you adore her just as much as I do. And you.." He began, but grew unsure.

"And I?" You smiled, and he looked at you with his typical seriousness.

"And you somehow got stuck in an emotional mess." He explained. "You somehow, deep down, wanted it to be true." His thumb moved over the back of your hand as he spoke. "You wished that.. maybe there was more to it than just, partnership." He said, and you still smiled gently.

"Did I now?" You teased, but to your surprise, he was still looking straight at you.

"I know I did." He humms out. "I still do."

"You're stupid." You said, and he laughed bitterly, taking your words the wrong way as he slipped his out of yours.

"I know." He said, getting up to leave but stopped as you spoke.

"Good." You said, chuckling before coughing. "What, no kiss for me after all I've been through?" You giggled as his wide eyes stared at you. "Rude." You said, and he suddenly realized that no- you weren't rejecting him. You were accepting.

You felt the same.

Noticing his own awkwardness, he leaned over, hands supporting his body as he leaned down, properly placing his lips onto yours. You had never imagined what kissing Jungkook would feel like, but you certainly would've never guessed how gentle and absolutely loving it would be. One of his hands moved towards your cheek, holding it, as if you were the most precious thing he'd ever seen.

"Mommy!" Came Mina's excited voice, cries instantly noticable as she jumped onto the bed, burying her head into your chest as you held her, a few tears in your eyes from her jumping.

"Mina baby, be careful okay?" He said. But your words were the reason that he ended up tearing up, at the end.

"Mommy's still hurting baby." You said. "But she'll get better soon."

Not even during the first few magical months of being together with his past ex, had it ever felt like this.

He was euphoric almost; with the way you felt, moved, breathed. It all felt like so much to him, made him feel so.. He couldn't explain it. He had his hands on your hips, fingers careful not to press too hard, but having enough force to move you back and forth over his lap- his length moving in and out of your heat, making you whine, as he watched your breasts in front of him. You fit so perfectly like this, felt so amazing, managed to make him feel needy instead of the other way around.

He turned you over slipping out of you sloppily as he moved positions, now above you as he spread your legs, entering you again easily. He pulled you by your thighs, holding you in place as he began to thrust again, your eyes closing with every movement of his hips.

He loved the sight of it.

Deep down he wanted to take the condom off; he wanted to fill you up, cum inside over and over and over until your cunt would overflow. Not only just to claim you in a weird animalistic sense, but to also make his family complete. He had cut his ties to his illegal activities by now, had settled down with you- and he knew, there was no other person he'd ever have a child with again than with you. "I want to cum inside." He said breathlessly, making you whine in return. "Hm, you'd like that?" He asked teasingly, his thrusts gaining more strength as if to underline his statement. "Stuff you full of my cum, make you leak it and mess up the sheets.." He continues, hand reaching between the two of you to find your clit. "just to make love to you over and over again. I wanna make you cry." He gritted out, suddenly moving you around face down. He pulled up your lower body, entering you again, gliding in easily with the amount of slick you were leaking. "And you'd take it wouldn't you?" He asks, making you nod and groan out as he grows more desperate, faster, harder- throwing you off the edge but never stopping. "You're gonna take it until I cum, don't you dare move away from me." He scolds, holding you tightly, making you gasp out in overstimulation as he continues on, chasing his own high.

He reaches it with a loud groan, burying himself deep inside as he holds you, peppering kisses onto your spine. "I love you, hm.." He whispers out. "So good, so pretty.. all mine.." He huffs, simply falling onto the mattress with you in his arms, cock still buried inside you.

There was a moment of silence, until he spoke again. "I really do mean it though." He said earning only a tired humm from you. He simply chuckled at that, holding you close as he decided to maybe bring that topic up when the timing was a bit better.

For once, he felt like a normal person. Right next to you, in your arms, as you turned around to pull him close, burying your face into his chest.

Right where he belonged.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 305: Worst Intervention Ever

Previously on BnHA: Shinomori, whose name took me an entire week to memorize, was all, “nice to meet you Deku, I’m ten feet tall, do you want to know how I died?” and without waiting for an answer explained that he kicked it from old age at forty thanks to good ol’ OFA. Deku was all “wait a minute, then how come All Might, who’s fifty-five and is definitely dyeing his gray hair, is still alive?” First and Shino were all, “we really have no fucking clue but we think it’s cuz he’s quirkless, JUST LIKE YOU!” So basically, since quirkless people don’t exactly grow on trees these days, Deku is probably going to be the last user of OFA. The chapter ended with Nana being all, “psst, Deku, about my grandson. Uh, can you kill him?” which is sure to lead to a very interesting conversation this week.

Today on BnHA: Nana And The Gang are all “so, Deku, how can we put this delicately. The thing is, we’re pretty sure that AFO really fucked my grandson up, so on the off chance you can’t save him, how would you feel about, you know... [throat slitting gesture].” Deku is all “idk you guys, I kinda feel like he’s really just a traumatized child at heart and he’s in a lot of pain and stuff and so I should try to help him.” The Vestiges are all “BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T” and Deku is all “BUT I WANT TO TRY, DAMMIT” and the Vestiges are all “well when you put it that way, we, uh, were just testing you, so congrats, you passed!” The chapter ends with First being all, “ANYWAY SO WHY DON’T YOU TWO SHY BOYS STANDING OVER THERE IN THE SHADOWS COME SAY HELLO” before we CUT AWAY FOR ANOTHER WEEK, goddammit.

seriously, Nana

just... have you met Deku?? look, if you really want Tomura dead, just sic him on the U.A. first years and tell Shouto and Honenuki that it’s a training exercise

oh my god lmao

we’re too far away to see Nana’s face here so I will just assume that she turned and is staring DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA for this one line lmao. “I just wanted to clarify in case anyone felt inclined to take my dialogue out of context and spend an entire week complaining about it”

oh my god?! are you all purposely trying to make me sad??

someone stop me before I launch into an impromptu rant about all my Tomura feels. WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING ME. oh my god but yes, exactly. he’s just in pain all the time. this is exactly why I think Tomura has such high redemption potential even though so far he seems to lack so many of the redemption arc essentials such as feeling remorse, wanting to change, and taking responsibility for his actions. the reason why I’m willing to overlook all that in his case is because Tomura has essentially had zero agency his entire life. AFO molded him into a killer by making sure he was in constant mental agony, and making it so that the only thing that even slightly relieved that agony was killing peeps. like, please don’t think I’m making excuses for him or anything, but if you take a child and manipulate their existence to make it virtually impossible for that child to grow up as anything other than a killer, and basically never give him the chance to be anything else, then no shit he’s gonna be a killer?? he’s basically never had the choice not to be. it’s never been an option for him. anyways I feel like I am EXPLAINING MYSELF SO BADLY but nonetheless I am prepared to die on this hill

anyway so now Nana is all “that’s a rhetorical question btw because Our Hearts And Minds Are One so we can feel everything you feel bro.” so yeah, that’s interesting

now Banjou is getting started on the “let’s try and talk Deku out of wanting to save Tomura because it’s insane” part of their OFA Mystical Space Void Reunion agenda

look, Banjou, I feel you, I really do. you guys don’t think it’s realistic that Deku can defeat Tomura without killing him. so if it’s a choice between killing Tomura vs letting Deku and everyone else in the entire world die, then duh, you think Deku should kill him. I get it! and if this were a real life mass murderer I’d totally agree with you. but the problem is that this isn’t real life, this is a sympathetic shounen villain with a tragic past who might as well have FUTURE REDEMPTION ARC RECEIPIENT stamped on his forehead at this point

so First is all “look, there’s absolutely no doubt my brother has fucked this kid up good and proper by now”, which, again, fair

though, that’s kind of exactly my point though. everything that Tomura is, everything he’s done, he’s done because of AFO. AFO has so effectively shaped his personality and his worldview by this point that it’s all but impossible to penetrate that. he’s AFO’s puppet. but the problem is that rather than treating him like a victim, you all are treating him like a casualty. like he’s already a lost cause. but good luck trying to convince Deku of that

WHOA WHAT, RANDOM SUPER-IMPORTANT AND BIZARRELY UNRELATED EXPOSITION DROPPED IN JUST LIKE THAT??

way to still not reveal Sixth’s name, btw. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT. but also so this confirms something we basically already knew already, which is that not even AFO can steal OFA. it literally can’t be taken away by anyone unless the owner wills it. SO SUCK ON THAT AFO YOU EGG

(ETA: so I have no idea why this was omitted from this translation, but apparently the Sixth’s name was revealed as “En”, which is obviously not his full name but at least it’s something. also he most likely has a fire or smoke-related quirk based on the kanji used, 煙.)

so Banjou is saying that Deku’s “lack of an iron will” could be a disadvantage against AFO. hahaha what?? Midoriya “I’ll break all of my bones without blinking an eye just to protect someone” Izuku lacks an iron will? do tell

he says this is going to be a test of Deku’s determination. well yeah, no shit. but just not in the way you guys think

OH HELLO AGAIN

darker hair again here! but I don’t trust the contrast in these scans at all after last week. his coveralls are way darker than they looked before too, and you can clearly see he’s standing in the shadows now

(ETA: yep, once again the raw shows that his hair is considerably lighter than what’s shown in these scans here. although there’s no mistaking now that his hair is consistently being colored in this slightly darker shade, and it’s not just the lighting.)

anyways lol First was saying something about how AFO can’t steal OFA, and they’ve spent all this time cultivating it as the ultimate weapon against AFO, and blah blah blah. go on then, keep lecturing

NANA GODDAMMIT NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT

girl what?? you did everything in your power to protect your family, and AFO, fucked up man that he is, targeted them anyway. there is one person and one person only to blame for what’s happened to Tomura, and that potato-faced asshole needs a good kick in the balls

NANA GODDAMMIT DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

SO HELP ME GOD!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU’VE EVER HAD!! THAT IS A THREAT

so now Nana is all “I’m just going to call my grandson a Thing to ensure that fandom has only the freshest, grass-fed no-hormones-added discourse this week”

I don’t even need to drop into the tags to know exactly which specific people are going to respond to this, and what kind of posts they are going to write lmao. everyone’s all caught up in the “that thing”, and meanwhile I’m over here completely hung up on this “nay” that’s appeared out of NOWHERE you guys. look at that. she really said “NAY”

Nana, my love, my dearest, I feel you girl I really do. but he’s not an unforgivable manifestation of pure evil, Deku is exactly right actually, he’s a boy in pain. you guys need to stop questioning Deku’s shounen protagonist instincts here and just let him work his sparkly magic. “let’s try and convince Midoriya Fucking Izuku that he can’t save someone” is a plan that is NEVER going to turn out well you guys

“DEKU GODDAMMIT WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM” lmao it’s like an intervention

“DAMMIT DEKU JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE A SAVING PEOPLE PROBLEM!”

RED ALERT IT’S ANOTHER CLOSE-UP OF THE BACK OF MISTER TWO BON CLAY’S HEAD OMG

(ETA: I was too distracted with freaking out about Two and Three to really appreciate how ridiculously handsome First looks in this panel. but on my second readthrough it stood out so much that I had to go back and add an extra bullet point just to talk about how hot he is. look at him. wtf.)

THAT IS DEFINITELY AN UNDERCUT. THE PLOT THICKENSSSS. also those are fucking exhaust vents on Mister Three’s neck. MISTER THREE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO THE IIDAS, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS I’M DYING OVER HERE

so now Deku is launching into what will undoubtedly be a “saving people problems require SAVING PEOPLE SOLUTIONS” heroic counter-speech!

I mean, they can already feel the “lol nah I’m gonna try and save him” feelings running through him lol. ~OuR hEaRtS aNd MiNdS aRe CoNnEcTeD~ and all that. this is just a formality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good shounen protag speech

oh wait hold up, do you mean to tell me that the whole “hearts and minds are connected” thing I was just mocking just a paragraph ago actually allowed Deku to feel what Tomura was feeling?? like literally feel it??

YET AGAIN these Tomura feels are pounding on my front door you guys?? they just will not quit?? people my house is already full of feels, does it look like I need you to sell me any more of them?? -- what do you mean, they’re free??

AW YISS THAT’S IT DEKU. THAT’S SOME GOOD SPEECH RIGHT THERE

I appreciate the contrast here between the Douchebag Triumvirate of Overhaul, Muscular, and Stain versus the Misguided Twosome of Gentle and La Brava. never let it be said that Deku doesn’t know the difference between a redeemable villain and an unredeemable one

OH NO -- OH MY GOD

someone please help me I need directions to the OFA Spooky Galactic Nebula Realm in this fictional Japanese manga land. it’s not on google maps. I need to give these two babies a big hug and wrap them up in a blanket and treat them to some McDonalds Happy Meals please help

other things: (1) ENDEAVOR CHILLING OUT IN DEKU’S “PEOPLE I HOLD DEAR” PANEL LMAO NEON DISCOURSE EXTRAVAGANZA, (2) “ONE FOR ALL IS A POWER TO SAVE, NOT TO KILL” I’M ABOUT TO CRY DEKU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO FEEL ALL THIS LOVE, (3) [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THERE’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IRON WILL!!!!!!!! -- I’m sorry, please don’t call security, I’ll be good

I just randomly remembered that Deku is still saying all of this in his muffled “FMMPHHMMPHMM” voice and I’m somehow cracking up lol. so actually it’s a very good thing Their Hearts And Minds Are Connected, otherwise they’d no doubt be all, “...what?”

(ETA: so I completely missed this on account of it literally not being visible in the scan at all, but in the raw you can clearly see Baby Kacchan and Baby Shouto fanboying over All Might in two of these panels, and excuse me, ma’am??

thank you very much Deku for including them in your montage, particularly since you’ve never seen Baby Shouto before lol. amazingly accurate image you managed to conjure up, all things considered.)

SDKFJLSKHG -- AS IF ON CUE???

HE’S SO ADORABLE HELP?? Trippy Space All Might looks like he’s about to cry, and First is all “don’t crack a smile... you have to be Firm and Serious here... dammit, don’t smile” omg

anyways! YOU GO DEKU. “MY QUIRK MY RULES, BITCHES” damn, son

KLJLKKHLG TRIPPY SPACE ALL MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY IS CRYING ALL MIGHT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

“I JUST... [CLENCHES FIST] REALLY LOVE SAVING PEOPLE” FUCKING HELL LMAO THIS IS THE WORST INTERVENTION OF ALL TIME

Deku is literally all “sure, maybe I’ll have to kill him, but have you guys also considered, MAYBE NOT??” it’s no use Nana he’s too powerful

LMAO FIRST

“like I’ve been saying this whole time, you should definitely try saving Shigaraki Tomura.” “but, uh... First, didn’t you just -- ” “shut up”

(ETA: clearly it’s not just his brother who inherited those smooth-talking genes.)

so now Deku has turned back into a sixteen year old and his clothes have gone missing again. just OFA things

dskljdlsklgk

yes... sure... “testing” you...

HEY

FIRST OF ALL, DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI YOU MADE NANA CRY. even if I’m pretty sure they’re actually tears of happiness/relief. and SECOND OF ALL, “TELL MY BOYFRIEND I SAID HI” DJSKDLKJJL ANYWAY MAYBE GRAN, NANA, AND MR. SHIMURA WERE IN A THROUPLE

[SCREAMS]

WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?? WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE!!!!!

(ETA: and two-to-one odds that we cut away to some other scene once they finally start to turn around next week. I’M CALLING IT NOW. giving myself a week to brace myself for the rage.)

fucking hell. well if anyone needs me I will be adding Horikoshi fucking Kouhei to the list of irredeemable villains, peace

[pazii]

Hello! Can I request you a reaction of childe, zhongli, kaeya, and diluc in which their SO likes horror movies and stories, but they are scared of them and closes their eyes and ears whenever something scary is about to pop up in the movie or story, but still watch and listen to the stories and movies, thank you!

Hello anon! Sorry for the wait! I'm kinda tired when writing this haha..

Also I love the fact that almost all the headcanons request I receive have Childe in it 😭 I love you all lol

Pairings: Childe/Zhongli/Kaeya/Diluc x GN!Reader (separate)

Warning(s): Modern au, Fluff, use of Childe's real name, Not proofread , light cursing , I'm not good at writing Kaeya

Summary: The boys watching a horror movie and listening to scary stories with you even if they’re scared

Childe

Childe, or Ajax to you, is never really scared of anything

He's brave and strong, what could he ever be scared of?

Well, this man is not a fan of horror movies and stories, surprisingly

He is quite jumpy when watching a horror movie

You, his s/o however, absolutely LOVES anything related to horror!

And he knows this

Whenever you ask him to join you to go watch horror movie, he tries to ask you to do something else with him instead

but when you give your adored pout yo hin and say “please~?” He can't say no

He tries to act like he isn't scared at all and even cracked a few jokes to keep up the act

You knew it's all just an act and decide to tease him

“Don't worry Ajax~ I'll protect you!”

“You protect me? Oh sweetie, we'll see about that~”

He has his arm around you protectively and you can tell how tense he was

He does his best not to jump everytime there's a loud sound

He's also the type to point out every dumb mistakes the character makes

he's more anxious if you turn off every light in the house for this

He must stay strong for youu

He can tell when a jumpscare is coming, and he hates jumpscares

He will definitely try to prepare himself and not to react when it does come

He fails

The jumpscare successfully has your boyfriend jumping at it and cursing

When he gets startled by a jumpscare his arms pops up defensively “F*ck!-”

You teasingly asked if he was alright

He collects himself and acts all casual like “Y-yeah..! Why wouldn't I be”

He does a bit better with horror stories, especially when you're the one telling it

He will just put all focus on your cute face and how excited you look talking about something you like

“Ajax? Ajax, are you paying attention?”

“ ...Why are you so beautiful?”

“Did you hear anything I said?”

He did hear some of the story but he's busy admiring you...

He doesn't like horror games either

He would just watch you play it and still get scared and startled by any jumpscare

Will be surprised when you tell a horror story to Teucer and his brother is laughing and actually liked it

He does feel safer watching horror movies or listening to scary stories when he's with you

You make him feel safe and protected

He likes warping out of his arms around you from behind and burying his head on your back while you watch horror movies

You don't complain since it feels really nice and warm :)

Zhongli

It's surprising to all that Zhongli will be scared of horror movies and stories

Looks are deceiving sometimes

Zhongli is usually very calm and collected but horror things makes him lose his composure sometimes

He just doesn’t like it...

He knows how much you like them though, and he will do it if it means spending time with you

He was peacefully enjoying his tea when you came up to him asking him to watch a movie with you

He knew what he was getting himself into but he still said yes, he can't say no to your excited face

He finishes his tea quite quickly during the early stage of the movie, part of him is scared of spilling his tea later on

He might be scared but he is a very good actor you have to give him that

You gave him a few glazes during the movie but he looked...so calm? Yet so tense and stiff

He was staring at the screen not moving an itch

When a jumpscare appears he just closes his eyes, still not moving

You wouldn't even know if his eyes are close...

He's very good at quickly collecting and calming himself

You noticed how uncomfortable he was so you shifted closer to him to lay your body on him, your head on his chest

He quickly softened up when he realised it was you laying on him

he then starts to put more focus on you, playing with your hair helps calming him down

Zhongli likes listening to stories

He finds horror stories easier to handle compared to horror movies

He does get startled by them occasions though

He wouldn't listen to them if you weren't with him

He will only do this for you and you only

Diluc

Listen

This man has to protect his pride

He will never admit that he's scared

If anyone ask him to go watch a horror movie with him he will always reject their request by coming up with random excuses

He can't do that with you

He just..can't. Just one look at your excited smile and he's sold

He seems normal throughout most of the movie but like Zhongli, he's more stiff than normal

And you also notice that he is sitting very close to you, wayy closer than he normally does

Both of you guy's sides are like practically glued together

He feels safer with you close to him

You didn't really mind since you enjoyed his warmth and presence

Diluc isn't usually this touchy..

Diluc has his arm crossed over his chest so whenever anything pops up startling him his arms tightens around his chest

His entire body also stiffened whenever something scary is about to pop up

After the movie he just wants to hug you to calm down further

Give your man some cuddles

He doesn't like scary stories either

One that they're not real (to him)

Second he just doesn't-

Those horror stories always get stuck in his head and pops up randomly

They make him think...which goes south and he ends up scaring himself even more

Kaeya

Again, like his brother

He will never admit it

Like everyone else, he cannot say no to your face, unfortunately for him

He tries to make small takes with you during the movie which distracts you a lot

You have to tell him to shut up since you can't hear anything from the movie

He was trying to distract his from the movie

Like Childe he will be making a lot of jokes and flirty comments towards you

You just wanted to watch a movie...

Whenever something scary pops up his hands goes to cover his face defensively

You can't help but chuckle at the sight

Which Kaeya would defend himself by saying he just got startled and he wasn't scared

Sure, Kaeya

Scary stories...He's ok with them

He likes it when he tells them to people and they get scared instead

He just keeps telling himself that they're not real to the point where he believes it

Just..somewhat of a defense mechanism of his...

Finds you adorable when you're telling him a scary story though

[nugnthopkns]

i wish i could disappear

word count: 3.6k

warnings: explicit!fem reader, cursing, feelings of anxiety due to social media harassment, invasion of privacy that border on stalking

recommended listening: brutal | olivia rodrigo

series masterpost: here

a/n: and we're off to the races!! i love this album and olivia so much. there's a shoutout to goon by tobias jesso jr. in here bc it's my favourite album to cry to lmao (highly recommend giving it a listen!). i'm on the fence about this one but am posting it anyways because i don't think i can make it any better

How the fuck do people find your social media?

All of your accounts are private and Kevin makes sure to never tag you on the rare occasion he posts a picture of the two of you together. The wives and girlfriends who have public accounts make sure to never post about you, and you’re careful not to comment on posts often. You’re a private person and though you understand that due to the nature of your relationship with Kevin you intrigue some fans, you don’t want to give them more than you have to.

Despite making no attempt to open up to the public or media, every day you wake up with hundreds of follow requests from complete strangers. At first it was a little exciting knowing that people were curious about your life but after years of the same routine it’s become draining. It takes you nearly twenty minutes each day to weed through them and accept only the people you know personally. Kevin doesn’t actually know how many people want to catch a glimpse of your daily life because you do your best to keep it from him. Knowing would only bring him stress, and you want him to be able to focus on winning games and loving you with his entire heart.

☼☼☼☼

The phone on your desk rings loudly, pulling your attention away from the computer screen that has way too many numbers on it for your liking. The finance department needed someone to proof their audit before sending it away and since you’re the only one in human relations that has a business degree the job landed on your shoulders. Eager to take a break, you pick it up and press the receiver against your ear.

“Hello?”

The voice on the other side laughs gently, but you immediately know it’s Kevin. “Hi sweetheart,” he says warmly, “How’s work?”

“Fine I guess. It’s work, Kev. Nothing terribly exciting happens here,” you explain but continue to fill him in on all the coffee pot gossip you got this morning. Kevin listens as you complain about forgetting your lunch on the counter and chuckles at how upset the situation makes you.

“What if I told you I’m outside your window with a burrito bowl?”

Excited at the possibility of seeing your boyfriend before dinnertime, you whip towards the window and spot Kevin on the sidewalk, waving like an idiot despite knowing your office is on the fifth floor. You hang up quickly after telling him you’ll be down in two minutes and let the receptionist know you’re stepping out for lunch. There’s a line for the elevator so you head to the stairwell, taking them two at a time in your haste. You’re crossing the street to the small park where Kevin has set up a picnic before your co-workers are even out the door.

You plop down on the blanket beside Kevin and lean into him. He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead before passing you the food he brought. You take a bite, sighing at the taste. Kevin knows you better than you know yourself and knew exactly what to get that would satisfy your mounting hunger.

“Thanks babe,” you smile, holding up your fork and offering him a bite. He takes it graciously but makes a face. “What’s the matter?” you laugh as you take the utensil back.

“I fucking hate avocado.”

The two of you eat in relative silence, speaking only when you remember a detail from your morning. Kevin tells you about the drills he’s going to lead at practice in the afternoon and what he plans on cooking for dinner since he’ll be home before you. You insist you can whip something up when you get home but Kevin shakes his head. He reminds you that relationships are give and take, and that you’ve made dinner the past three nights because he had a string of games. You manage to reach a compromise that has you doing the dishes before you have to return to work.

Kevin insists on walking you back to your office even though you protest vehemently. Your relationship is far from secret, and has been the topic of workplace gossip more times than you can count, but after five years you’ve learned to ignore most of it. However, you don’t want your co-workers to think you flaunt your NHL player boyfriend to prove you’re better than them. They all love Kevin, and a couple of them congratulate him on last night’s goal as he follows you down the hall. A few of the newer hires stare in awe and shake his hand, completely blown away that one of Philadelphia’s biggest stars is asking how they like their jobs.

“Pretty soon they’re going to approach you to do PR for us,” you chuckle as you flip the light on and close the door of your office.

His laughter echoes off the walls as a pair of strong arms find a home around your waist. “It would be kind of fun to hear myself crush those radio commercials.”

“Since when do you listen to the radio?”

“Checkmate,” Kevin sighs, pulling you closer. He kisses you quickly, not wanting to give a show to anyone who could be walking past, but it still sends you reeling. You don’t want him to pull away and kiss him again.

You get your way for a few more moments and then Kevin’s leaving with a promise to not burn the house down and wishes for a good rest of the day. Focussed on giving the audit its final once-over you don’t bother pulling your phone from the drawer you had placed it in when you got to work that morning. You turn up the small radio at the corner of your desk and get to work scanning the document for errors. There’s a mistake halfway through that skews the rest of the data and fixing it takes a bit of time, but it isn’t a huge deal. You have nothing else to do except answer a few emails and organize meetings for after the weekend.

An hour or so later you’ve completed all your tasks and debate what to do. It’s too early to leave for the day, so you decide to kill time by checking your phone. You’re expecting a few notifications, perhaps two or three memes in the group chat you share with your friends, but not the hundreds that greet you.

The majority of them are instagram notifications, and assuming they’re just more fans requesting a follow you ignore them, instead heading to your text messages. There’s a picture from Kevin of a dog he found walking home and another from your mom asking why you haven’t called home in a few weeks. However the one from Claude’s wife is the one that piques your curiosity.

Just a heads up that someone posted a pic of you and Kev to one of those stupid wag pages. I filed a request for Instagram to take it down but it’s gotten a lot of traction. Sorry :((

Your heartbeat increases rapidly and a million thoughts fly through your head at a rapid speed. Fingers shaking, you respond with a thanks and open up the dreaded app. You don’t see it immediately, your feed being full of photos belonging to friends and family, but it’s in your messages almost two hundred times. Many of them have text attached and you know there will be a comment about your relationship regardless of which one you open.

Tapping on the most recent message you brace yourself for the worst. The new window opens a photo someone took of you and Kevin while eating lunch in the park across from your office not even three hours prior. It’s grainy and the camera angle is strange, but you’re eating and Kevin is looking somewhere out of frame. The accompanying caption reads Kev and his girlfriend out for lunch today! Follow @philllywagupdates for more :).

You let out a sigh of relief – it could have been a lot worse. Personal pictures of yourself have made it onto pages like that before and most of them they’re paired with mean-spirited captions about your appearance or other trivial matters. Assuming you’re in the clear, you head back to the page of the original message to thank the person for bringing the post to your attention. However, the message accompanying the post is anything but positive.

He can’t even fucking look at you. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you

The blood in your veins runs cold. You know it’s not true – Kevin’s made it clear you’re the one and truthfully you’re just waiting for a ring – but it doesn’t stop the sting you feel. What could possess someone to say such horrible things? You decide not to respond despite, possibly opening another can of worms with the seen function, and close the app. Leaning back in your office chair you focus on anything but your phone, looking out the window at passersby while regaining your breath. It works for a while, but eventually not knowing what others said eats away at you. You go through every single message to see hundreds of similar comments to the first, with only a few saying they’re glad you’re happy or how posting the picture is a violation of your privacy.

By the time you’re finished your spirit has been crushed. However, it’s also an acceptable time to start the weekend – at least no one in the office will have to see you cry. Things are hastily packed into your bag and you wave a few quick goodbyes before once again taking the stairs. You curse yourself for deciding to walk to work that morning and set off in the direction of home wiping away tears. The last thing you need right now is for someone to recognize you, but you have to get home. Tobias Jesso Jr plays at much too loud a volume through your headphones and Kevin will most certainly remind you it’s bad for your hearing, but the melancholy piano riffs of Goon overpower the thoughts swirling around your head.

Do people really feel that way about me?

Are my friends just too nice to stop inviting me places?

Does Kevin really feel trapped?

Hundreds of similar sentiments and situations cross your mind as you stumble through the streets of downtown Philadelphia, but you force them as far back as possible before opening the door to the apartment you share with Kevin. Hoping to slip inside undetected, you take your shoes off slowly and throw your jacket on the end table instead of hanging it in the closet. Your plan fails somehow and Kevin hears you, greeting you in a goofy apron covered in flour.

“Hey sweetheart,” he smiles, but it drops once your eyes meet and he sees the hurt on your face. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” you insist, trying to step around him in pursuit of the bathroom.

Kevin doesn’t buy it and sees right through your feeble words. “It’s not nothing if you’re this upset. If you don’t want to talk now that’s fine, but I think you should get it off your chest.”

You know he’s right, but you also know you can’t tell him the true cause of your despair. “Just some work stuff,” you sigh. “The audit got all fucked up and I had to fix it even though it’s not my job.”

It’s not technically a lie, which makes you feel better, and Kevin buys it. He presses a sweet kiss to your lips in sympathy. “Go take a shower and the gnocchi should be ready by the time you’re done. We can spend the night cuddling on the couch.”

“And watching Selling Sunset?”

“We can watch whatever you want sweetheart,” he chuckles. You part from him with a final kiss and head to the bathroom. Hopefully the steam from the water will carry away the negativity brought on by that damn post.

☼☼☼☼

Time passes but the hateful comments on social media don’t stop. In fact, you’re pretty sure they get worse. It’s so bad that you’ve deleted every app except facebook because you need it for work. Kevin doesn’t notice your abstinence from social media, but he picks up on how you spend more time criticizing yourself or staring off into space. When he pushes you either brush him off or feed some bullshit excuse about how work is getting you down. You know he doesn’t believe you but trusts you enough to come to him when you’re ready to talk.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to tell Kevin what’s been going on. There’s been scrutiny from social media before, when you first started dating, but it quieted down after the initial media frenzy. He helped you through that but it’s different this time around. Never before have you had strangers tell you your life is worthless or that your boyfriend should end your relationship. Some of the other wags notice your absence on instagram but chalk it up to you just taking a break. They reach out via the group chat and send wishes to see you at the next home game. It’s nice to know they care, but the voice in your head that has grown much larger in recent weeks tells you they don’t truly mean it. This leads you to decline the invite as politely as possible, citing extended work hours for your absence. In reality you’re too anxious to be anywhere that isn’t home or work, petrified someone is going to post something that will add fuel to the flames of those who interrogate you.

It’s another Friday afternoon, and you’re leaving the office early once again. There’s a small craft exhibition taking place around the corner from work and today is the last day it’s open. You had been meaning to go all week, hoping to find something small to add to Kevin’s birthday gift. As you step out of the building there’s a small group of young women, who don’t look old enough to have graduated college, standing off to the side. It fills you with dread, worried that somehow someone found out where you work and the insults are going to start occurring verbally, but you force yourself to be rational. You work fairly close to one of the artsier districts in the city and it’s more than likely they just want to find a cute mural to take pictures in front of.

You pass by and swear you hear them snicker, but you remind yourself you’ve just been jumpy lately. When they peel from their place on the wall and follow behind at a distance you think the coincidences are running out. It seems a little too strange how their movements line up with yours, and you go down a few winding side streets in an attempt to lose them. Part of you feels ridiculous because what group of barely legal girls would track a full-blown adult around a city of nearly two million people, but your life is currently strange enough you can’t be sure. They don’t follow you, and by the time you reach the market your heart rate has returned to normal.

The first few stalls have little to catch your eye, but a few rows in you find a leatherworker who makes adorable wallets. Kevin’s is ridiculously old and falling apart at the seams – his mom bought it for him before the two of you got together. You think a new one will make a perfect addition to the concert tickets you already bought and browse the table for something simple and elegant. A deep brown one with tan braiding around the edges catches your eye and you know it’s the one for Kevin. Checking the price to make sure you have enough cash in your wallet, you approach the shop owner to purchase. The older man has a kind smile that reaches his eyes as he thanks you for purchasing from him.

“No, thank you for making something so beautiful!” you gush. “My boyfriend is going to love it.”

It’s then you hear it – snickering accompanied by the click of a camera. You look over your shoulder to see the same group of girls from before laughing as they huddle over a cell phone, no doubt already starting to broadcast the photo across the internet. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. Those girls don’t deserve to see their mission accomplished, but the longer they laugh at you the harder it is to swallow your feelings.

Head held high, you thank the owner one more time before holding your head high and walking past the group. The only way out is past them so you hold your breath and pray they don’t notice you. Unfortunately you aren’t that lucky, and one of them looks up just as you come into earshot.

“If Kevin doesn’t leave you after that sorry excuse for a gift I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” she sneers.

Another one chimes in, “You’re honestly so pathetic.” They all cackle in amusement, and you speed up. The tears flow freely now, and you call an uber even though it will be a ridiculous amount of money. You just want to get home.

The uber driver doesn’t say anything when you get in, though you know it’s strange to be bawling your eyes out at four in the afternoon. You can’t help it – weeks of keeping all the hate to yourself finally got to you and being followed with the sole intent of ridicule is the final straw. At one red light he silently passes you a box of tissues, which you accept gratefully.

Luckily the lobby of your apartment complex is empty and you manage to get to your floor without encountering a familiar face. There’s a few hours until Kevin gets home from his final roadtrip of the season, and if you play your cards right you can get all the tears out and be as normal as possible before he comes through the door. You don’t even bother to put anything away, just head straight to the bathroom to slump against the tub. Sobs rack your body and you lose all sense of time. All you can feel is the hurt you’ve been holding in releasing itself and soaking the material of your blouse.

Kevin finds you laying in the position hours later. He tripped over your shoes coming in the door and immediately knew something was wrong – you always place them neatly on the rack in the closet upon arriving home. Peering through the quiet house for a hint at where you are, he sees the bathroom light on and makes a beeline for the room. It breaks his heart to see you like this, and even more so because he doesn’t know what spurred it on.

“Sweetheart, hey,” he coos, maneuvering his body to sit beside you and pull you into his lap. “What’s the matter?”

You bury your head in his shoulder and clutch the material of his dress shirt as you cry harder at the sound of his voice. Kevin takes your reaction in stride, rubbing circles on your back and working on evening out your breath. He doesn’t pressure you to speak and provides the stability you desperately crave as the world around you spins. An unknown amount of time passes before your tears run out, but spend it all on the bathroom floor curled into Kevin.

“I guess I should have told you sooner,” you mumble, “But I didn’t want to bother you.”

Concern laces Kevin’s features and his eyebrows knit together. “Tell me what?”

“I, uh, have been the subject of some internet hate for the past little bit,” you say sheepishly. It feels stupid to not have told him now, but you can’t change that. “But you were really busy with the season and I wanted to make sure your head was completely focused on the game so I just dealt with it myself. I deleted the apps and tried my best to go about my life. And then today after work I was followed by some people and they said some really hurtful stuff and shit became a little too real.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

It’s your turn to be confused. “Why are you sorry Kev? You're Not the one sending me death threats.”

He tucks a loose strand of hair back into your ponytail. “Maybe not, but I still made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about what was going on. What kind of partner am I?”

“The best one,” you say confidently. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I just want to forget about it right now. Can we just disappear for a little bit?”

Kevin wraps his arms around you tighter, as if he can engulf you to protect from the cruel outside world. “We can do whatever you want. If you want to get out of the city for a bit if you want, or just spend the next few days here away from prying eyes.”

“I love you.”

You say it because you mean it, and if you could scream it from the rooftops you would. Kevin is incredibly easy to love, even when you make it difficult for him to love you back. You know another much longer conversation is coming about everything that has happened recently because communication is the only way to solve problems and Kevin deserves that, but you’re thankful he’s willing to put it to rest for a few more moments.

He cracks a smile for the first time since he’s been home and kisses the crown of your head. “I love you too sweetheart,” he whispers, “Always and forever.”

Things are far from over and though you still never want to show your face in public ever again, you know that Kevin is going to do whatever he can to make things better and that’s enough for you.

☼☼☼☼

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