#also i worked on this for 3 days straight so if you see any oddities. no you didnt

[beepartcollection]

My voiceclaim for Bidwell is Ben Wyatt from Parks & Rec

[plasticfangtastic]

Dairy Girl-- Part 2

A Homelander x F! Reader fanfic

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to post this and hope the lenght is enough of an apology, yeah this is gonna be liek 4 parts i got too engrossed btw. hope yall like it here's the previous chapter:

Synopsis: In order to provide a constant supply of fresh breastmilk for Vought’s number one hero, Vought has had to get quite nifty in order to prevent this secret desire out the press and the public– you have unfortunately discovered the truth.

Tags: Stockholm Syndrome, abusive dynamic, Homelander being Homelander, dub-con, dark, mild smut, breastfeeding kink, kidnapping, child-death mention tw, cheating tw, set in s4 but canon nothing, slow burn.

word count: 3.4K

Part 2– Calf

As he’d mentioned before the house was an escape proof cage– every window had its hinges super glued or welded shut, glass panels thick enough to prevent shattering but thin enough to allow sound in. That night as he’d left you for the first time you kept your composure, perturbed more by the earlier events that nothing had time to sink in, you venture across the 3 bedroom home, each room old taken straight out from a vintage furniture catalog, the master bedroom smelled just like your grandmother’s, the bathroom walls covered in tacky pink tiles that you told yourself will never get used to.

By the time you explored the whole building you understood the following: The size felt deceiving, without a way to see the outside this building could’ve been 35 floors high and you wouldn’t know, the east-wing of the building at the opposite direction where you’d emerged was cut off from you by a thick metal door, an eye-scan request made its unpickable lock, looking at how it cut on the hardwood floors you’d guess this is where in the kitchen and perhaps the garage and entry hall could be found, this overall felt like an architectural nightmare, the only other oddity of this was the piles and piles of bottled water– Vought branded water… you much rather drink Dasani than this crap… It was by far the worst one in the supermarket.

There were indeed no phones or even ethernet ports on the wall, the TV was bolted in its place and so was the VHS player (and all the furniture too), there were at least 350 titles on the walls (something you bothered to count on day 5), an extremely old vinyl player your only other company... whoever had supposedly lived here was a big fan of Cab Calloway, ABBA and Bruce Springsteen, here you and Bruce could become intimate friends it seems after all you had all his vinyls, alongside an expansive jazz assortment, nothing in this selection went past 1989.

You also learned a very useful fact on day 3 you stared at one of the 18 cameras that you’d found.

“I really want some Mcnuggets! Like just a 12-pack and a large Sprite! Maybe an Oreo Mcflurry too!” You yelled into the camera waving your arms as if the circular lense would reply somehow.

Barely few minutes later the air was filled with the roaring sounds of a bike burning tires seemed the forbidden end faced some road which made you giddy, about 50 minutes later a small door at the door itself opened smoothly where the first strange hand you’ve seen in the last 3 days popped-out leaving a bag with a familiar logo… it wasn’t maccas tho, it was Vought-a-burger which was okay but that wasn’t the point, you picked your meal and your oversize ice-cream and drink and begun connecting lines– Your prison was in Pennsylvania, based on the area code on the phone number on that old pizza box, located close enough from both a pizza chain and on a 15 to 20 minutes drive from a Vought-a-Burger, the library held no maps for you to try to find your location but give or take about an hour or two by foot from any civilization… Yet as you drank the mostly melted caramel churro sundae you smiled thinking of how to steal a bike.

That Night you picked two tapes from the wall not caring one bit about what you were going to see, you stared at the camera.

“Hey can one of you check like an underrated 80s movie list from IMDb ‘cuz I seen a few of these already… at least bring me something new!” 

As always no response was ever given, you dragged your feet towards that ornate bedroom of yours, pink walls, flowery quits, a matching chaise lounge, a hardwood coffee table bolted to the ground and your private TV and VHS player, it took you an hour to remember how to use these thing that second day here. You put on a movie, curling in your bed in the dark, smelling the sweet flowery smell of fabric softener, this didn’t smell like home, pillows too soft, mattress too soft everything here was made to bring you comfort but it was making you feel like a squatter.

The cold light of the screen enveloped every surface and you slowly faded away as ‘Lady in White’ began to wrap up, eyes glued to the screen so firmly you screamed when the faint red light peeked from the corner, clutching the quilt across your body as the red faded away and all you saw was a vaguely illuminated shape.

Blurry colors with no clean shapes, standing facelessly enough blue to let you see it was humanoid, Homelander creeped closer, his body blocking the light and like a shadow he devours everything, he turned around to pause the player, draping his gloves on the dumb box as he turned around once more, your heart caught in your throat, each breath quick and sharp as he took another step closer, hushing softly and he’s there swallowing you whole he kneeled into the bed the mattress squeaked and chimed sinking under his weight pulling you in, only the faint outline of gold eagles and soft blonde locks told you with absolute certainty that he was here… that 3 days ago you indeed met The Homelander, far from the pretty blue-eyed hunk from the movies more ghoul.

You swallowed as his head rested on the pillow next to your hips, his nose burying in the cushioned pillowcase.

“I was busy with work” He mumbles softly, staring at you with the same playfulness of a guilty pet owner who’d ran out of their cat's churu treats– "I promise to visit, I got you something… left it downstairs for you.” 

He stared at your white knuckled hands and without uttering a word you understood his demands, fingers moved by psychic force alone, you welcomed him into your lap as you came undone, burying your digits into his hair, soft like cotton, so smooth you dreamt of cat’s bellies as you scratched him, he took the remote from under you lifting you with so much ease your brain struggled to compute it at first, the movie played and all he wanted was petting.

“Security told me you’ve been good… nothing crazy… am glad, "he said with a tired tone.

“What good would that do me…?” You replied with your eyes focused on the screen.

If you wanted to survive I had to get on his good side, no? you though

“I like it when you people understand your place” He chuckles softly.

‘You people’? You could easily discern the meaning behind his words by tone alone, your finger stopped suddenly, his eyes flaring up immediately.

“I think this would be more productive if you told me exactly what’s going on… I won’t try to run or scream… am just confused and scared…” you spoke bluntly as his gaze met yours in the dark.

“This is my private speakeasy and you’re the bartender… tap too… is hard being on top… and I want some relief… and a sanctum–

“To express your socially unacceptable inclinations/interests? Fair enough I can imagine the press would eat you alive if they found out you liked breastmilk.”

“You’re cute and smart too.” He pushed himself into your stomach, your body sinking to the shape he wanted, holding you tight– I’ll be a good owner and let you asks me absolutely anything you want”

“Why me?”

“Dunno.” His lips tightened into a flat line– the doctors picked you, I asked for a good provider… but all the women downstairs and you did have one thing in common” He sounded awkward as he spoke listening to your increasing heartbeat– you kept producing… I asked to have easy access to my treat but somebody downstairs came out with all of this” his hand lazily gestures around– bit extra I know.”

How simple, he didn’t even care about this to begin with, glaring at him gave you no answers or comfort.

“My family…?”

“They think you killed yourself, I've been told… your ex-hubby been on twitter acting holier than the virgin mary, absolutely devastated for likes” You bit your lips, face scrunching up ready to shout and cry– everybody suspects he murdered you even the cops”

“I'm going to kill him!!” Your tears flowed regardless – god fucking dammit!”

Your whole body rejected the news, twisting your stomach and filling you with needles

“How would you do it?”

“Bash his head in with a hammer…?? I don’t know but fuck him! I wasted 5 years of my life with that bastard!” You cried.

Homelander buried his face into your stomach, hiding the smile on his face. as you cursed outloud for a little bit, he paid no attention to your words.

“Sorry…” You cleaned your tears trying to stop this embarrassing display, the mere thought of him acting like he cared made you sick when he wouldn’t even come to his own son’s funeral– are you gonna hurt me?” you cleaned your nose against the pillow.

He moved so quickly before you knew it he’s face to face and even in this dark room only lit by rolling credits he appeared serene as a painting… It makes your blood run cold.

“Why would I hurt my comforter?”

That night he only slept for a couple hours, never moving from your stomach, holding you regardless, he snored softly, mumbling half-spoken words, lips twitching and brows furrowing, you petted him gently watching his hardened frown melt.

Some days he’d come once, others he’d come five times and then there were the days were you didn’t see him at all, leaving you awkwardly aware about how odd these exchanges felt… for it never felt truly sexual, your fears of molestation and ‘real’ assault dissuaded as you accepted that all this man was doing was come here to whine and bitch about work and suck on your titty– like right now, Homelander has been shouting, talkign so much shit about his coworkers you started to wonder if it was made up for nobody could certainly be that allegedly incompetent, about how stressful it was to do 20 plus media interviews all day, about hoq\w his latest film “Justice Serve” was a fucking nightmare already despite being only half-way thru pre-production.

“Do you even know what it's like to deal with idiots who think they’re better than you because they have an award!?” He put your nipple back in his mouth with a frown– who does Villeneuve think he is” He mumbled into your skin.

Yet he didn’t only bring petty grievances and thirsty lips– he showered you with gifts, perfumes you couldn’t pronounce filled with soft fragrances: sweet but not sugary, warm tones without too much spice. Brought you beauty products to pamper you… to watch you play with from the many cameras in the house, and dressed you like a doll in clothes you honestly wouldn't have bought in the first place, too flowery and tradwifey.

You did so with a fake smile, you’d be pretty for him if you must, keep your tongue in-check and swallow the ever increasing knot in your throat for he at least wasn’t loud towards you, he didn’t yell, he didn’t make scenes… you were just living like his newest pet.

His miniature cow standing in the living room instead of the evergreen pastures outside, VHS tapes and steel food trays made your fence.

You keep busy cleaning this house making stories of who had lived there, Bruce the only one who spoke to you.

Analysing the house inch by inch, there had to have been a spot they’ve missed you kept thinking, you figured that somehow they monitored your sleep cycle, only entering to remove dirty clothes and trash in the death of night, they knew if you were obviously awake, on day 14 you stayed up till around 5 am and not a peep was heard accross the house but as you woke past noon all your trash had been cleaned up, on day 16 you stayed awake all day felt sick passed out and same thing, you would find a way out, you would force them to take you out, all the furniture was glued in its post but if you had to cause a fire you fucking would… as you stared at your clean bedsheets you figure you could force them to come in and drag you outside but as you postulated the possibility of a faux-suicide attempt Homelander’s face flashed accross closed eyes– dare dissapointing him and lose all the goodwill you’d been building, trust, even presents more extravagant than anything your ex ever did.

Had he not kidnapped you, hold you against your will in an underground bunker, used you as a milk fountain and terrified the fuck out of you with his invisible steps in the middle of the night you would had found him charming… endearing even… at least he was still handsome… frightening but handsome.

Day 18-19-20 were the worse so far, days went by and your isolation only grew he had not come by, your meals delivered so quietly you missed them and found them cold, birds either too loud or gone but Homelander never came, every hour the anxiety only grew as you found your throat aching to speak with somebody other than a non-present 80s musician.

You made a stack of the movies you’ve seen yelling to the camera demanding more to watch, abandoning the cause to focus on the obscene collection of Danielle Steel books in the library… at least 30 books, at least it was a distraction as you woke up for the third day in a row without hearing from Homelander. 

You talked to yourself, prettier views didn’t make up for human interaction, you had isolated yourselves before… you didn’t eat, shower, answer calls, simply left yourself to rot in your bed, sinking deeper and deeper into your mattress, the calm heartbeat of the machine keeping you alive until the phone battery died, now here you were curling in the couch feeling that endless void inside you screaming back at you, nothing to distract you from it any longer.

How ironic that those days locked in the basement had been the firsts since the funeral that you’d hadn’t thought about it.

Now every sleep came with dreams of distant cries, empty halls that cooed back, and a sense of urgency as time slipped from underneath you, nothing here smelled like him, yet in your sleep you held your pillow as you once held him, swearing it smelled like him, in the silence the singing birds sound like babies, but there’s nothing but creaking floorboards, old pipes and foreign ghosts in this place.

In this endless silence your mind told you this was limbo, jazz solos disguised the pandemonium of a silent afterlife, but as your heart anguished once again you buried yourself in paltry distractions, reading out loud as to keep your vocal chords warm and delude yourself that there was some company in here, mostly to hide the nonexistent crying.

It took you by surprise when half way thru ‘The Ghost’ you heard the buzzing of the steel door, your ears perked up stretching your neck before falling into the floor, shaky knees picked you up once more with a brave kick, quick steeping into the living room– Homelander stood staring at the messy pile talking to the camera to have this sorted and for the first time since you’d been here you sawn another human, who answered his call almost immediately, a man in kevlar rushed in his gun bouncing on his back alongside a young man dragging an ikea bag.

“Homelander!” Your voice was hoarse but he still turned to smile at you.

“We got you some new movies Ms. L/N” The young man spoke dropping the bag with a heavy thud.

“Watch it!” Homelander growled and you saw a slight stain dribble down his pants– just go wait in the library kitten while these ones sort this out for you.” 

Your feet moved anyways, too excited by the presence of new faces, had he not cleared his throat you would’ve said anything just to make sure this wasn’t a dream, you looked away and that big steel door was wide open, an armed guard by the exit tho… it was an office, painted white with cool fluorescent lights. 

Run, the voices scream.

Run.

For fucks sake run!!\

but...

You stay still.

It’s a test. Run and die, run and he’d snap your spine in thirds before you understand what happened your brain would be separated from your cranium no doubt, you swallow and take a step back, slow heavy agonizing steps lead you to the library.

Homelander’s gaze softens as he watches you sit by the unlit fireplace, he follows you soon after leaving the staff to work behind, you lift your head with a stiff neck, your tongue swollen inside your mouth, he smiles gently dropping to your level, carrying a small box.

The pretty bow doesn’t catch your attention in the least.

Not that dashing smile and ever so blue eyes either.

He tickles your nose without touching.

Chamomile and oat, a pale scent, subtle and clean…

As he scoot closer to you urging you to take the meaningless box held by nude hands, he pets your chin, leaving you to catch nutty tones… his hands smell of almond oil and cream.

He’s talking as he guides your hand into opening the present but you aren’t hearing a single word spoken… all you care about is his aroma…it invides you carving an aching hollow chest, making you dizzy and the world is squeezing your whole body with a thousands of pounds of violent force but you’re still held in one piece, wrapping your neck with the necklace he’d got you, touching every exposed inch leaving traces of sweet almond on you, resting his chin on your stiff shoulder so close whispering sweet nothings to you… hair smells so creamy… milky coconut, it makes you ill– You could name every brand he wore if asked.

“You like it?” He asks into your neck.

‘Like’ what? You guessed he meant the necklace.

“Where have you been?” You asked, wanting to think of anything but that bitter scent.

He pushes you down into the carpet, your hair drapes everywhere so he moves it to give himself no chance to pull it, you can’t even argue but your surprise and discomfort still paints your face, before you can say anything he drops his head on your stomach, nuzzling your dress and pulling your hand towards his head.

“I don’t want to talk about it” his muffle words sound angry, he whined into your stomach a quiet order demanding affection.

Obeying orders before he could whined even more for now you wanted silence again.

Staying like this for as long as he needed, leaving you to speculate what brought him such distress that caused him to abandon you as a result, a part of you stared in awe as you realized you how long this man could stay still without making a sound for.

How long did you lay there in a shared repose that your eyes shut? you wondered as the orange glow of afternoon sun warmed your cheeks, his hand cleaned a falling tear off your face as you woke up with a headache.

“Had a nightmare?”

Your hand unconsciously pulled him close to you, burying his face under your chin he’d awkwardly smiled as he adjusted to your demands, talking to you but it was white noise, your kept him still bridging an arm across his neck locking him in position, your other hand buried in blond, closing your eyes as you got high on shampoo.

In your mind much like your dream you hold him so close, he was plump and giddy, his hair more than a thin tuff, you laughed with him, as you dried his back, you swore to never love the scent of coconut, you held back your pain as you held him with all your might.

“I don’t want to talk about it…”

[heliconcarpet]

Any Port in a Storm

Pic source ²

Chapter : 3 of 5 ( 1 | 2 )

Relationship : Trafalgar Law x Gn!Reader childhood friend

Summary : Timeline goes into post-marineford, right after Heart Pirates placed Luffy and Jinbe in the safest place under the Kuja Kingdom. And also, it's a pre-Rocky Port accident for Law's warlords title.

.

The sun, as Shachi just said, has a job to melt his skin and his crew mate's furry skin. It's a New World climate after all, what would he complain about then? He only accepted those oddities and survived.

" I'd like to meet Amazon Lily's female bear ..." Bepo slumps himself on the deck, tongue slightly out, feeling the wind wash his sweat away.

He wasn't joking because he had been soaked hard in sweat since the days before he entered the Amazon Lily.

" Told you, Bepo, no female bear in there! The only female human available! " This time, Shachi said to him. He and Bepo enjoyed the cool wind.

The topic they talked about was still the same. Polar Tang has been out of the Kuja Kingdom's area. Personally, for Law, it's been an odd couple of weeks. First, he met Mugiwara and saved his dear life, second it was Silver Reyleigh who came to visit and mentioned something about 'the storm'. Law, though 'the storm' is indeed about the role of the Ds, counts him in. His brain began to roll out, think, think, and make a plan. It's all he remembered that one of the factories at Sabaody belonged to Joker, aka Doflaminggo. So he made a bold decision to destroy Doflaminggo's black market, and the rest would be up to Kaidou the yonkou to face Doflaminggo's damage. But first things first, he needs full access to visit the hidden laboratory in Punk Hazard. What should he do then? The plan that is going on.

" Law, what would we face next? " Penguin stands beside Law. He was curious to see what kind of plan Law would come up with but Law only stared at the sea horizon, unbothered. Penguin thinks how deep in thought Law now is.

" I think I'm going into a personal mission. However I must build it well so I could get a smooth execution. For now, we are heading to the next town because I need some supplies for medical journals. "

" We had already depleted our herb supplies. If I'm not mistaken, Law, there's a good medical antique shop somewhere on a spring climate island. " Penguin's suggestion just grabbed Law's attention. He had heard about the famous medical supply store in the New World area. It somewhat fits with Penguin's explanation of how the location is exactly on a spring climate island.

" Got it, we'll go there then. Grab your notes and better yet, check twice how many items need to be supplied. I will check the log pose. " Said Law places his firm grip on Penguin's shoulder.

" Shachi, Bepo, prepare all the crews. Do check our stuff before Polar Tang reaches the next town! It's an order. " Law eyeing these two guys before leaving the deck immediately.

.

The rest of the crews completed the log pose check as dusk approached on the horizon. Today's conclusion is made as it took five days straight to reach the spring climate island. Law just hopes that the unexpected climate in the New World doesn't bother them too much. At least everything must go well with the plan, or another backup plan, Law plans. He's a mastermind, as usual.

The door was closed by Law. He walked slowly to the work chair, resting his sore back and neck. A study desk in front of him has never been empty without a bunch of papers, or books. The medical books were larger than Law's head. Back when he was eight years old, a tiny boy clumped himself into a huge encyclopedia where it got paid by you. Yes, you. Many years ago, a small memory had always been safe in the back of his mind, inside his hippocampus. It is supposed to be thirteen years or so since post-Flevance, sixteen years after you moved from the White Town and by those years without him forgetting your existence. He wondered it a lot when the world got quiet, or when he stared blankly at the night sky. In Law's hippocampus, a room he puts memories safely, it has been you and Cora-san existences.

Law's hand unconsciously reaches something under the pile of thick medical journals. It's his notebook, it is covered with a blue thin leather material. He used to scribble his mind through it, mostly the medical rant analysis and on other days he just kept a simple journaling. He flips page by page, ironing the slightly crumpled paper until he finds what his unconscious mind has searched for. Law hands it with extra care, at first it's just a common stuff for bookmarked pages, however to him having dried daisies as a bookmark was something else.

A one daisy contains the bucket of daisies memories, a bucket that has never been delivered to you. From the North Blue to the New World, it almost like an instinct for Law to tracked your footstep traces, in every island he first stepped into, in each corners of the town he visited, even once he had wander off from the crew and found random bookstore that he only wished your back was able to get reached. Oftentimes, he met a dead end.

While Law's thought swims in and out back to the past, there were busy movement outside, " Captain, dinner's ready! come out or I clean over the curry before you! ". Bepo's hurry voice just snapped Law back to present time, he sighed deeply and put down the dried daisies on one page of his blue notebook, closes it neatly.

Perhaps, all words Law had muttered which contains your name weren't reached you, like a wave hadn't never been reached the shore. Sometimes the amount of self conclusion Law has made surprises him much.

.

A hustle bustle dinner just passed. Apparently, Penguin made a little improvisation for tonight's curry recipe. He added a pile of bananas into it, blended until it got smooth enough to be mixed on broth. Law thought it had quite a brilliant taste since it could be called an experimental recipe. Now everyone's tummies are full, they sometimes get back in their rooms or just gather around in the kitchen pantry after cleaning the dishes. Somehow Law needs fresh air, so during the dinner he told everyone to surface Polar Tang for hours. He really needs a very good distraction after dinner. A breeze at night air often calms his hectic mind down.

The yellow submarine just surfaced and Law goes outside to the upper deck of Polar Tang, as he predicted, tonight's sea wind is quite strong. The wind already blew his capuchon away, his hair got messy in an instant. Law tightened his cobalt blue jumper lace on both sides. It would be an unwise decision if he kept his signature hat lying on top especially in these hours. Even though the wind gushes hard, the waves are quite calm. The waves bathed in moonlight, tonight's moon seems to be a full moon but it turns out to be a waxing gibbous phrase. A phrase known as symbolizing the concept of 'final steps'. It is a time for people to strive to complete their projects, just as the moon 'strives' to become full. Somehow the moon concept matches with Law's solo mission as well, it only a matter of time to get complete.

Speaking about a favourite spot in Polar Tang, Law has always had one. The spot is behind the Polar Tang lamppost, everyone who stole their captain's favourite spot would move when they caught Law near the spot. He used journaling here or just spent a nap time, hinds himself from the noises. Law's mind, as usual, had a busy circuit to plan this and that. He had enough of a familiar sense of trial and error, although it aims for many possibilities to come.

" Cora-san, what would you say to me if you were here? "

Law throws the question up for the night sky above him. A million of twinkling stars stared back at him. He wonders if Cora-san has been living side by side with his family. They were in there, dancing amongst the stars and you probably lived with them as well. A white noise sound from the sea wave crashing the submarine made Law's eyes blinked heavily. His gaze now straight to the moths doing phototaxis around the lamppost. He wrapped more tight his crossed arms when an unattended wind slaps his face. He closes his eyelids to shut, letting the auditory system enjoy the surrounding noises. But then, a faint voice came near Law's current spot.

" Captain, time's up. It's already past an hour, go get some sleep. '' said Penguin. He grabs Law's left shoulder and waits for the response. A guy who should respond only gives Penguin a small nod. Law can hear Penguin sighed at him.

" Law, come on."

This time it is Law's turn to sighed back, he raises the arse to up and lets Penguin drag him to come inside of the Polar Tang.

___________________

.

Note :

Writing about Law's quiet hours has been my fav so far. I felt at ease studying characters such as Law's vulnerable side, and how he embraces the past like any broken tape that replays over and over. I'd like to remain convinced that a bond between Law and Rosinante was unshakeable throughout time 🕊️

[taki118]

Go Watch the Venture Brothers

So just heard the complete and utter Bullshit news that Adult Swim has cancelled one of (if not the best shows) they have the Venture Bros. This series is one of those shows that for WHATEVER reason never got to the level of fandom Rick and Morty has even though they’ve been at the genre parody game longer and in my opinion better. 

The series is about Rusty Venture former boy adventurer and failing super scientist who in an attempt to keep his head above water in debt goes around with his two boys Hank and Dean, and bodyguard Brock on misadventues while various legal archnemisis go after him, such as the Monarch. 

So if you never watched or never heard of this 7 season series let me give you a break down on why you should, 

1) Art Style & Animation

Venture bros is one of those rare Adult aimed animated series that that really truly tries to utilize their medium to the best of their abilities. Season 1 had like such a small budget and corners had to be cut so it can be a little hard to watch at times. 

But with each passing season they get a little better, a little more fluid, go just a little harder and it truly feels rewarding to watch. Like seeing an artist you follow online improve over the years. Like they COULD have stayed with the choppy and stiff animation from season 1 it fit right in with its fellow adult animated shows but it didn’t. They strove for quality to have something that matched the story they were telling.

2) The Writing 

Venture Bros has some of the tightest and consistently great writing of ANY serialized show I’ve seen, adult, animated or other wise. Wanna know why? Cause it’s all done by TWO people (save for like one ep each season where one other person is allowed to touch their baby). Yeah TWO people and they work their asses off every season to interject, humor, refrences, parody, plot and character development in equal measure. 

3) Character Development

Um yes in case you were wondering that’s right an adult animated show has CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT  that holds as the series goes on. Not to give spoilers but characters will go through changes in alignment, relationships will develop and change, some characters will go through negative arcs where they are straight up unbareable for a season before coming out the other side even better than they were before. There is no end of epsiode or even end of season reset. Characters, settings, and dynamics all change over the course of the show and it feels just so god damn good.

4) Story Development 

Just like the characters the story of the Venture Bros grows and changes each season. Things that are set up even as early as season one are paid off as the series goes on. Like not to be that bitch but you know how RIck and Morty teases an overarching plot ALL THE TIME but like will often just spit in the face of fans hoping for more than like one episode a season addressing it? Yeahhhhhhh that doesnt happen here, fans are consistently rewarded for putting the time in to rewatch and really think about what happened in the series. Characters that are seen in the background or are just referenced by other characters will be brought in to be recurring characters, things that start off as a small detail or gag will be given larger relevance and each time they do this you get that “OH I remember that from last season! So thats what it was!” The writers WANT you to rewatch, they WANT you to analyze and they WANT you to theorize, and they give you a show that gives back the time you put in.

5) Parody & Reference 

This series does a great thing with parody. They make real characters  who are just as enjoyable as the characters they parody, they make story lines that both poke fun at the absurdity of the media but shows the writers love for it. So often parody and references are just used to mock the thing but with Venture Bros you feel the love and care so when you know the thing being parodied you can laugh but feel good about laughing cause they are never laughing at a thing maybe you cared for in your youth but rather laughing with it.

And it’s never just one thing. When they parody a thing its often layered with other things to make it even more unique. Scooby-Doo is overlayed with famous criminals, Laura Croft is mixed Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, GI Joe is given the look of the Village People and so on. They never go for the easy joke or reference. Hell theres an episode that starts with them reciting the lyrics to David Bowies Space Oddity for really no reason other than they could. They weave these things in naturally with their setting and characters so nothing feels out of place. Like if you dont catch a reference or parody you dont feel like “I think this isa reference to something?” like a LOT of things do not just adult animated shows. You arent taken out of the moment cause it all feels so natural. 

6) The Characters 

God damn these characters, I could go on for hours about these characters. From main to one off these are some of the most likeable characters you can find. I mean it when I say I can’t think of a single character I wish they had cut cause they are all so well created. Even the ones I hate i have fun hating cause they were made to be that way. I’ll be good though I’ll only talk about my absolute top faves.

- The Monarchs

You ever sit and wish villain couples could have functional  healthy relationships? Well look no further than Malcom Fitzcarraldo aka The Monarch and Dr. Shelia Girlfriend (yes that is her last name). The Monarch is a high strung impulsive saturday morning cartoon villain whos tendency to over react is only matched by his unspecified hatred of Dr. Venture. And Dr. G is his nonsense partner in crime who will cut a bitch if they don’t play by their admittedly weird rules. Both characters are great on their own but are better together. Though that doesnt mean they always get along. Like a real couple they have their ups and downs they fight, break up, make-up and grow stronger in their relationship with each season. 

- Shore Leave

Ok ok so I want you to imagine James Bond, mixed with GI Joe simmering in a cocktail of the most flamboyant gay men you have ever seen and you have one of my favorite gay characters/characters in general. Shore Leave is a member of OSI (the shows SHEILD/GI Joe parody organization) he’s loud, brash, flippant, sassy and highly competent at his job loving every second of getting to beat bad guys down within an inch of their life. I love seeing him play off the stoic Brock and the two have this great brotherly dynamic that’s never called into question. He also gets to have a very cute romance with Al the Alchemist (who is also great). I could talk about this man all day.

- Dr. Rusty Venture

They did such a good job with this man. He’s a self serving, sexist, perverted, whinny, self important asshole and yet you feel pity and genuine sympathy for him and want him to succeed. You can see how Dr. V was given a raw deal by his father who seemed to care more about his adventures than his sons well being and how this molded him into the bitter man he is today, but on the flip side you can see where he chose to use that as a crutch for his worst behaviors and impulses. Seeing him slowly grow and change and be an actual good father to his boys while all the while still be a giant dick is actually really great. 

- Dr. Byron Orpheus 

Ahhhhh Dr. Orpheus part Dr. Strange Parody part busybody stay at home dad, he’s just such a delight. Dr. Orpheus is a divorcee, with an unfulfilling job of maintaining order to the cosmos (which isnt as hard as one might think), and uses his magical ablities in ways most of us would (ie menial tasks and home chores). Overly dramatic and affectionate Dr. O is a delight whenever he appears, but he’s at his best around his daughter and old friends The Order of the Triad. 

Again I can go on but all these characters ranging from main to recurring are crafted with the utmost care for you to want to see them succeed or fail, to see them again even if you know it’ll never happen, and want them to cross paths with other characters. 

The Venture Bros is one of those series that I will ALWAYS recommend even to the pickiest of humor tastes. But if you don’t believe its as good as I said or don’t think the concept is to your tastes I’ll recommend a few eps that I think best show off the base idea of the series without giving much away. In terms of plot and spoilers, though somethings wont make a lot of sense. 

- S1 ep10 "Tag Sale – You're It!" - Dr. V is having a yard sale so of course all manner of costumed weirdos show up.  - S2 ep5 "Twenty Years to Midnight" - basically a fetch quest around the world to save the planet with daddy issues - S3 ep2 "The Doctor Is Sin" - Again daddy issues but with one of the best recurring characters and a great showcase of the series deeper emotional plots - S4 ep6 "Self-Medication" - Really embraces the parody as Rusty goes to a former boy adventurer support group.  Anyway the show is 7 seasons with 80 episodes, please go watch it. I will never forgive @adultswim​ for cancelling what was to be their final season. And in closing GO TEAM VENTURE!

[tatertotthethot]

The Doms Next Door 2.0

THIS IS A TEMPORARY REUPLOAD FOR THIS CHAPTER CUZ TUMBLR IS RAN BY A BUNCH OF BOTS. 2.1 HERE

Warnings/AN: frequent, casually cursing; comical, gay Jimin; insecure reader; steamy flirting; tattoo/sexualized Tae 🙃. Enjoy~ (TAEKOOK EDIT ABOVE IS ARTKOOK DONE BY NONCONMAN ON INSTAGRAM)

copyright © 2018 all rights reserved

_________________________________

Your tires came to a stop outside of the tattoo shop you've seen online— a brick building, covered in spray paint and street-style art. A sign buzzed over the awning of the entrance doors, with the built-in UV lights and graffiti-styled font displaying the name of the place in neon-red letters. Kink For Ink! The name alone was what first caught your attention last week, when you Googled "Tattoo shops near me" and it pulled up a list, with "Kink For Ink" being the first option. It just seemed so uncanny and fitting at the time, considering the previous run-in you just had with the sex-crazed neighbors a couple nights before. You couldn't help but to click the link to their Instagram.

A profile came up with 53.4k followers, which immediately blew your mind... but you quickly saw why. Every tattoo and piercing, no matter the body-placement, skin-type, or quirky design, was vividly appealing— certainly done by the articulate hands of certified experts. Even in the comments of the piercings that were posted, people were praising them for the "minimal" amount of pain they experienced, despite the fact that some of piercings were done in places you couldn't even fathom the thought of having a needle jammed through.

It said in the bio that the shop is owned by the two artists that work there— Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. You couldn't find out much about them, all their pictures showed was their work. You even went back to search for a personal account of their own, but nothing came up. You then went back to the bio and clicked a link to the official website, hoping to find out something, but you were met with a disclaimer rule at the top that automatically deemed your chances of even getting your piece done by them, slim-to-none.

• No walk-ins allowed.

• Every request/idea must be sent in through the DMs of our Instagram page. You will only be accepted only if it spikes our personal interests.

Yikes; You were instantly discouraged by this. The piece you wanted was something so common and cliché, that you actually got the image out of a child's coloring book.... It was the cartoon layout of the glass vase and enchanted rose, from the Beauty and the Beast movie. Cheesy, yes. But it was something of personal, nostalgic value. You remember when you were little— roughly around 3 or 4 years of age— when your parents started fighting and would spend all day screaming and throwing things at each other, putting you in a constant state of anxiety. But then you'd go to bed at night and pop the VHS tape, and the movie never failed to put you in a peaceful state of mind— a hopeful one. It's remained as your all-time favorite love story throughout the years. Which, is ironic, considering that the relationship itself was different, but almost as dysfunctional as your parent's. However, the fact that even the Beast was capable of change, and everything wound up so perfect and happy in the end, makes your heart happy. And even now, at age 19, it still puts you in your feelings. The previous remake of a movie is what actually inspired you to get the enchanted rose as a tattoo, after seeing it in 3D not too long ago. But you're only willing to shell out up to $200 for it, at most. You've just started college, and even though Jimin's parents own the house and let the two of you live there, rent free, you're still responsible for half the utility bills from month to month. Blowing every bit of money you have saved up, right at the start of the semester, would just be irresponsible. But $200 was manageable, and you're looking for anything that'll give you a little extra "oomph" to break you out of this introverted shell you've always known. Pushing it off would just delay it, and you were ready for change. The nose piercing you want is just a small little thing that'll hopefully add a bit of flare to the features of your face. These two guys could probably do the piercing/tattoo with a blindfold on and a hand tied behind their back. So, if it meant that you'd be able to get these things done in confidence, without having to worry about the outcome, you figured it wouldn't hurt for you to at least ask, even if they straight-up ignore you. So, after spending an unnecessary amount of time overthinking the wording of your text, you finally constructed a message in your notes and DM'd it to business page, after sending them a small, simple outline of the cartoony rose, and pressed send.

• You: Hello! I've been wanting to get this tattoo done for a very while now, and was hoping one of you will be willing to do it for me... along with piercing my nose? I know it's a very mediocre and cliché piece, and a nose piercing can be done anywhere. But I'm new to the area and I've never gotten a tattoo/piercing done before and I haven't really checked out any other places either because I found this page first. And from what I can see, you guys are pretty efficient and CRAZY talented. So, I trust it'll get done right.... only if you want to! I'm willing to pay $200 for this, but if it costs that much for just the outline I've sent then that's fine as well. But I understand if neither of you want to do it cuz that is really cheap compared to the ones I've seen lol. But either way, thx for ur time 😁

A few minutes went by and you had just unlocked your phone to check the message again, when the word "seen" popped below the message. You held your breath for a second— but seconds turned to minutes, and time went by with no reply, what-so-ever. You figured maybe you sounded a little too immature to take seriously; kind of like a prepubescent 12-year-old asking someone out for a dance... and you blew it. Which was disappointing, but predictable. So fuck it. Maybe it's a sign; you shouldn't get it after all.

11pm rolled around, many hours later. You were now hiding beneath your covers, beginning your "amateur threesome" exploration on PornHub. You were ready to see what this whole "2 guys, 1 girl" thing was all about. But just when you were about to type it into the search bar, you were interrupted by an Instagram notification dropping down from the top of your screen.

"KinkForInk sent you a message."

You audibly gasped, eyes turning to saucers as you clicked on the notif and switched over to the Instagram app.

• KinkForInk: Hi (Y/N). This is Tae, one of the artists of the shop. The tattoo you sent in is worth roughly $100... but I want to run an offer by you in hopes that you'll be interested.

— Your brows scrunched in oddity, stomach fluttering. An offer? For you?

• You: Okay, sure. What's that?

• KinkForInk: I've been looking for someone willing to showcase the custom design I've come up with, specifically for a much more... exclusive version of the Beauty and the Beast tattoo you sent. And if you'd be down for letting me and my partner put it on you, it'll be free. No charge. BUT you'll also have to sign a contract saying that you'll do a little bit of modeling for us once it's done. You think you'd be in to doing something like that, even if you get it?

— Your head spun for a second, reading the message over and over again until you could fully wrap your mind around what he was saying.

• You: Hold on... YOU wanna put a tattoo on ME so that I model for you? And it's FREE? Are you sure about this? I'm not even model material lol.

• KinkForInk: Yes, yes, and yes, you are. You'd be perfect for this.

• You: How do know that? Is it a face tattoo? Cuz I only have 6 selfies on here and you can't see anything past my shoulders.

—"Seen" came up as soon as you hit send, but a couple of minutes rolled by with no reply to the message, nor was he even typing. Maybe you came off a little rude. But it was already sketchy and it was a logical question.

— An image suddenly popped up: a screenshot of your Facebook profile. Then another— and much to your horror, it was the photo Jimin tagged you in last week, when the two of you were swimming at a local community pool. You were wearing a simple two piece, sitting at the foot of the lawn chair Jimin was also sitting in, as his legs were visible on either side of you and his lap was practically framing your ass. The photo was at an upward angle and looked so scandalous— but really, you had just asked Jimin to put sun screen on your back and he didn't want to stand up because the pavement was too hot against his bare feet. But you actually liked the picture at the time; it was just a silly joke and your ass actually looked quite nice from that angle. Plus, everyone knows nothing sexual actually goes on between the two of you, for obvious reasons. But Taehyung doesn't, so you couldn't help but dreadfully cringe when you saw the caption of the screen shot.

"Babymama 💦🍆"

• KinkForInk: Is this you??

• You: Yes, that's me. The caption is a joke tho... pay no mind to that. But this is like, really happening? You really think it'd look good on me?

— Why that picture though? You couldn't help but wonder.

• KinkForInk: Yes. Like I said, you're perfect for this piece. Are you down to at least see what the tattoo will look like? We don't expect you to be experienced with modeling or anything, but if you listen to us and cooperate, you'll do just fine.

• You: Yes I wanna see, and I'll do the best I can if I decide to get it... I'm just a bit shy, is all.

• KinkForInk: You'll be in good hands. I promise.

• You: Okay... are you going to show me??

• KinkForInk: Can't send it over a message, I don't want it plagiarized or the concept stolen. But the piece itself isn't necessarily crazy or anything, just more creative. I'd be more than happy to show you at my shop some day this week, if you'd be willing to swing by.

• You: Yeah, I can do that. When should I come?

• KinkForInk: Are you available after 5 tomorrow?

• You: I am, I get off at 4:30.

• KinkForInk: Great. Be here by 5:30, and make sure you've eaten in case you like the piece and wanna get started. It's pretty big for a first timer and gonna take a lot of time and patience. It'll have to be done in sessions but I hope you have a fair enough pain tolerance to at least get the outline of it done first.

— It can't be any worse than a bikini wax, you thought, shivering at the memory. That a story for another time. You decided on an alternative scenario.

• You: I give blood from time to time... but that's easy and doesn't really hurt that much. I think I can handle it though... maybe. I honestly don't know lol, I'm sorry 😣. But I can try my best. Can I ask where it's supposed to go?

• KinkForInk: That's okay, I'll work with you. It's supposed to go down the middle of your back. Starts between the center of your shoulder blades, and trails down the length of your spine to your lower lumbar. You'll see how it looks once we transfer a template on your back. But if you don't like it, there will be no hard feelings from my end. I can still do the tattoo you want if that's the case, free of charge just for your time.

• You: Oh no, you don't have to do that! I'd still pay!

• KinkForInk: Not if I don't accept your money. Trust me, I'm not worried about it. The nose piercing is gonna be $30 regardless, though. JK isn't so lenient.

• You: Of course. Will I have to take my shirt and bra off for the tattoo?

• KinkForInk: Yes, and for the pictures once it's done.

— Your mind blanked at that; thumbs froze over the keypad. He was typing again.

• KinkForInk: Don't let that discourage you. Again, you're in good hands. You can bring something to cover your chest. And the pics will be if your back as well.

• You: Okay, I can handle that. So 5:30 tomorrow?

• KinkForInk: Yes, please don't flake on us!

• You: Lol, I won't. I'll be there.

"They're gonna knock us the fuck out and sell our organs to the black market," Jimin declared. He had parked next to you outside of the shop, and was now sitting in the driver seat of his car with his door locked and windows all the way up, refusing to get out. You were standing right outside his door, still having to talk on the phone. "And is this Tae-guy an AllState representative or something?"

Jimin is petty. You wanted him here for moral support— which he's usually reliable for— but this time, he's just plain salty right and doing everything he can to remind you of that. Reason is, he's been begging you to get a matching tattoo with him ever since your 18th birthday, and you've always refused because of what he wanted to get.

Cupcakes. Jimin wanted to get matching cupcake tattoos... in honor of Cupcakke the legend. Sorry, but H E L L no.

You rolled your eyes, growing frustrated. He only has enough time to pop in and confirm that these two aren't gonna kill you, and then he's gotta head home to get ready for work. You were already supposed to be in there. It was 5:33pm, 3 minutes past the time.

"Jimin, you're the one that insisted on coming along! And now you're making me late!" you ranted. "I'm going in without you."

"Hold your horses, hoe! I'm finishing my blueberry slushie," He retorted, sassily bringing the straw to his mouth and loudly slurping it into the phone. He then abruptly flinched away from the straw with a disgusted expression, nostrils flared, body locking up; lips drawing into an air-tight knot that was so extreme and unnatural, it caused an ugly snort to break out of your nose.

He smacked his lips in exaggeration to the taste, face falling back into stone as an eyebrow arched over the top of his aviators; unamused and saltier than before... Like you were at fault for that, too.

"Or... Blueberry-ass, I should say."

That forced another giggle out of you as Jimin stiffly rolled his window down, phone still pressed to his ear and eyes still scowling at you behind the inspector shades. He bit down on the straw and withdrew it with his teeth before dumping the dark-blue contents of the drink out of the window, making it a point to shake the styrofoam cup empty of every drop before tossing it over his shoulder and into back seat. He then spat the straw out of his mouth with an audible "PLUUUUH!" of a French accent, and waited until the window rolled all the way up again, just so he could hang up the phone. You scoffed at this as you shoved your phone back into your pocket, scornfully watching Jimin exit the car and slam the door behind him. He snatched his glasses off his face as his cotton-candy hair swayed in the breeze, revealing his scornful eyes right back at you as he gestured for you to lead the way in exasperated manner— as if you were the one wasting his time now.

"Go on, lead us to the grave," He shooed, a snippy little shit. You sauntered away, walking up the side of the shop, then paused just before reaching the glass entrance door, when you remembered how much of a coward you are. You've never even stepped into a parlor before, and supposedly, this was a famous one. Which makes it more and more surreal when you think about it.

"Are we doing the mannequin challenge now? Is that what we're doing?" Jimin sardonically inquired.

"You go first, I'm nervous!" You whisper-hissed.

"You don't want me to go in there first— I'll show out," he reasoned, simply stating a fact.

"Please don't," you whined.

"Then, again, I'll show out?" He reiterated, as if to say duh. "How else am I supposed to break the ice? I look like Timmy Turner's Fairy-Gay- Parent."

You gave him a wary look... he's right. You sighed, slightly kicking your foot in distracted defeat. Fuck, you hated making an entrance to new places—

"Hold up— is that Drake?" Jimin suddenly blurted, holding his hand up to silence you. You honed in on the muffled track playing from behind the glass door, and Jimin's face soon light up like a Christmas tree before he spun around you, unstoppable.

"Jimin, NO—!"

"KIKI, DO YOU LOVE ME—?!"

It was already too late. The door was flying back behind him as he Milly-Rocked his way into the shop, leaving you no choice but the chase in behind him.

"—ARE YOU RIDING? SAY YOU'LL NEVA-EVA LEAVE FROM BESIDE ME— hello there."

You were panting, coming to a stop right behind Jimin, where you instantly latched on to the back of his shirt as you met the face of the man behind the studio counter. And, as corny as this is gonna sound: the world actually stilled for a solid beat... or maybe you were in the verge of cardiac arrest.

A pair of glossy-Black eyes looked up at the two of you; A series of silver-studded earrings trailed along the outer cartilages, peaking out beneath a head of soft, layer-swept hair. It was a Carmel-tinted blonde in color— thick and shaggy, and neatly spilling in waves around a headband that proudly sported a high-dollar brand-name you've never seen anyone wear in person before. G U C C I, it read— Meaning that the headband alone was probably worth more than some of your college text books, put together. It sat just a few inches above a pair of dark brows, that oddly brought out the shape of his cat-like eyes— irises like polished marbles. His ample lips had a sharp, well-defined Cupid's-bow, and a natural shade of pink that fit the porcelain appearance of his melanin-kissed complexion, to the finest degree.

And here you are, looking like an actual bum. You had just enough time to clock out of work and head straight over here to make it in time. You didn't even have any makeup on, and the only thing hiding your raggedy hair from those captivating eyes is your old baseball cap from high school. It took a second for him to take the bold presence that was Park Jimin— who was also frozen to the spot as he openly checked the guy out. He was hunched over the counter, a v-neck hoodie covering the rest of him with a thin, loose-fitting material. It was Black and allowed a full visual of his tan neck, and prominent collar bones. And it certainly didn't hide the fact that he had a pair of wide-set shoulders, either. A pencil sat in his hand— one that was laced with masculine veins, and lot of decorative ink. There was a silver ring on his thumb.. and a very heavy-looking Rolex watch.

The man cracked a grin at Jimin— a boxy one that dimpled in at the corners.

"Love the hair," he humorously began, twisting a quirky eyebrow at Jimin. You subconsciously snagged the bill of your hat as your eyes went a little wide at how mature the man's voice was.

"Love the watch," Jimin retorted, then reached around and gripped you by the wrist before pulling you into full view beside him. "You wouldn't happen to be Taehyung...?"

"Mhm," the man hummed, absentmindedly moving his wrist at the mention of his watch. His eyes cut over to you, and you swore you could see a minuscule reflection of yourself in his eyes, before they flashed back at Jimin and blinked. "You must be the babydaddy?"

Blood rushes to your ears. It's really him... a guy who looks like a high-dollar model himself, asking you to be his canvas model. Your own conscious didn't even know what to say right now. So you stayed quiet and still as Jimin took charge... which was a mistake.

"She wishes, but no. I'm the best-friend— and a gay one, at that," Jimin replied, and you knew he did that for his benefit. Thot. "I'm just here to make sure you're not gonna sacrifice her to Satan, or anything of that nature. I need her around in case I ever forget the Netflix password."

Taehyung chuckled at that, mouth opening to reveal a row of teeth shinier than Chip Skylark's. But then, you caught something behind his teeth that caused your gut to leap. A silver ball... a tongue ring. Your thoughts clouded over for a second.

"Well, I can assure you, she's safe with me," he said, looking over at you again. You blinked, nothing more. His brow arched at your lack of response, but this time, it was done more handsomely as he was still smirking at you. "Still, you don't look too thrilled to be here... You sure you wanna do this?"

"She's just nervous because you're really fucking hot," Jimin announced, unyielding. "You should feel how sweaty her hand is."

"Don't listen to him— I'm gay too," You lied in panic, trying to defend yourself from the absolute truth Jimin spoke just then. You snatched your hand away from him and jutted a finger at the door, eyes beading and lid twitching as your nerves ran amuck. "Goodbye, Jimin."

"She's a lonesome hetero," Jimin told Taehyung, assuring him with a face that showed no bluff. "One look at her camera roll, and you'd see for yourself—" You were yanking him away by the arm now, in a tug-of-war game that Jimin obviously could've won if he really wanted to. But he figured you suffered enough and eventually let you drag him out of the shop, waving bye to Taehyung before turning to look at you with beading eyes.

"I think he wants to fuck you— text me as soon as you can," Jimin uttered with unmoving lips as before he walked to his car. You stopped for a second, noticing he was actually being serious. How could he possibly think that he wants to fuck you, just from that small encounter? And what is the odd sensation currently coiling in your stomach? Things grew awkward again when you re-entered the shop, coming to a stand at the same spot... only alone now. He was still amused, it seemed. And so calm and cool despite this odd, intense look in his eyes. It gave him a Casanova effect, where all he had to do was give you that look and it'd instantly make you blush.

"He seems like a fun person to be around," he noted, somewhat honestly, but more so making fun of the red-hot appearance of your face.

"He's a pain in the ass," you muttered, trying to conjure up a smirk but hardly even able to speak properly from how dry your mouth was. It felt like there was a white-hot iron expanding in your throat. "I'm really sorry about him."

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're here— thought you'd chicken out." You nervously wiped your clammy palms over the back pockets of your jeans as Taehyung got up from the barstool behind the counter and approached you on the other side of it, a whole head-and-a-half taller than you. He was wearing black cardigan jeans and matching combat boots.. his headband and jewelry the only thing not black on him. And oddly enough, he made it look fucking fantastic.

"Mh-mm," You hummed, not trusting your voice. You've never needed a sip of water so bad in your life— he even smelled expensive.

"Well, It's very nice to meet you," he formerly began, and you mustered up the normality of placing your (dried) hand into his much larger one, as he held his out to you in greeting. And boy, was he close. So close that the heels of your spine itches to lean back from the proximity.

"It's nice to meet you, too. I'm really sorry if I'm acting weird. I'm just nervous." — Your mind struggled to stay focused on your words, arm tensing at the skin-to-skin contact. You were extra-effected by the firmness in his grip. You really wanted to look down at all the bold ink you saw dashing across the veiny surface of his tanned hand, or see if those were images or scripted letters on the knuckles of lengthy fingers... But you were held captive by those God-blessed eyes... And that fucking tongue ring. It was infecting your head in ways that weren't necessarily healthy for your current state of mind, as you saw it peering in and out at certain words.

"And physically shaking," Taehyung pointed out, brows twitching down at your trembling hand in his as if he was concerned for it. But his smirk gave off an odd sense of fascination to the involuntary symptom, like it was cute or something? Hm. He glanced back up at you, causing your dehydrated throat to bob as his other hand came to clasp over the rest of yours, swallowing it completely from the wrist down. "Intimidated?"

"V-Very," you spluttered, a small slither of saliva copulating down your throat as you looked back up at him. He absentmindedly rolled his tongue ring over the button row of his teeth as he watched you with tainted eyes— undoubtably getting cocky with that damn grin of his and proudly teasing you about your reaction to him. It gratified the effortless sex-appeal he had. You were even beginning to imagine that tongue ring elsewhere, and you literally just met him. Then, as you felt the band of a ring move along with the pad of his thumb as gently ran it across your trembly knuckles, chills shot up all the way to your shoulder. Oh... oh wow. You glanced down at his knuckles on reflex this time, and saw a four-letter word scripted in black ink across the bottom row of his knuckles, and another word scripted on the middle section of his fingers. A silver band on his naked thumb. STAY TRUE, it said.

"And why's that?"

"I.. feel like you're a celebrity," you sheepishly admitted, your other hand wedging into your back pocket as you had to stop yourself from reaching for the bill of your hat again. Is he flirting? The words seem too innocent for the way he was making you feel. It was getting so hot in the oven of his massive palms, and he wasn't even squeezing you hard enough to cut off any circulation, but yet your fingers were beginning to tingle.

"Mm, no. Just a little popular, really," he granted, teetering his head a little as he pondered the thought. You could see his vocal chords contract in his sleek neck as they project his smooth, pungent voice. "You still trust me?"

"Mhm," was all you could muster. He'd gotten even closer, to where his hand had gone into a prayer stance around yours. You were aware of how wide your eyes had gone from the awe you... you knew this was just the beginning. He was going to be very handsy throughout this whole process. But in a very twisted way, you were more than okay with that. Even if it meant you were at risk of fainting from actual dehydration. Maybe you were in over your head. But you couldn't will yourself away from this now. And then, just as a wide, heart-stopping smile edged out on that mind-numbingly handsome face, the door at that back of the room swung open, and heavy-metal rock blasted through the quiet vibe of the scenery and caused you to jump a little at the disturbance. Taehyung shot a wicked smile over his shoulder, and his next words nearly knocked you out right then and there as you beheld yet another, breathtaking sight.

"Oh, there you are," Tae eagerly acknowledged, one hand still holding yours as he walked around to grab your with the other, presenting you to the.. hulking presence in the room. "This is (Y/N), our next little experiment."

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Sixteen | Dummy! (Part 3 of 3)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Dinner is about as awkward as waving back at someone you think's waving at you, only to then realize they're actually waving at someone else.

Frisk stares at your guest from beginning to end, only looking back to their bowl when they’re done with it. They grab a piece of bread and soak up what little soup remains at the bottom and say, “You’re not a bad cook", after. They take a bite off the bread; the rest of it disappears in three more. “Is this ren's way of testing whether you'll be a good boyfriend or not?”

Sans swallows hard and coughs once to recover as he sets his spoon down. “Well, uh… Somethin’ like that, I guess.” He casts a subtle glance at you, his gaze asking for help.

“We’re not dating,” you intervene. You take some soup, but end up throwing it back in the bowl when your hand shakes, too tense to continue eating. “You and Jerry just so happened to walk in at the wrong moment, making it look like something else.”

Frisk frowns, and a dull expression reaches their eyes. “I can tell you’re lying, ren. You’re bad at it.” Their gaze moves back towards Sans, who’s now finished with his bowl and trying to move away from the conversation. “What about you, then? Why’re you chickening out if you still wanna date (Y/N)?” They furrow their eyebrows and glare at the monster. “Why are you-“

“That’s enough, honey.” You stand up and face down at them. “This isn’t his fau-“

“So then, it’s yours?” Their voice breaks as they're the one to rise next; their hands thump over the table and their frown quivers as they attempt not to show any weakness. “He… He flirted with you, so that means he’s also responsible for it!”

“I said that’s enough, Frisk (L/N),” you snap, crossing your arms. “I’m okay with talking about this with you, but not during dinner. And even less when we have a guest over.” You plan to pick up the dishes, though the skeleton beats you to it, excusing himself off to the kitchen. “I’m not dating him, and that's final. That only happened ‘cause we kind of like each other. But I refuse to date anyone until you’re all grown up.”

“You’ll be old by then,” they whine, flailing their arms. “Grandparents can’t date!”

“Yes, they can.” You go along with the ridiculousness of the conversation, too caught up in it to fully assess their words. “And ten more years won’t make me a grandparent! I’m still young.”

Frisk huffs and switches for sign language, saying, “That still doesn’t mean you have to live like this.” They grimace, eyes wetting as they sniffle once. “I like seeing you happy… But right now, this just makes me feel like I'm bothering you.”

Your anger falls with that last sentence; panic replaces it.

In a haste, you try approaching their side, though they run off to their room just as you’re ready to bring them in for a hug. Their steps are quick and the door shuts with a subtle bang, their composure still showing through. You stay in place as their words replay on your mind over and over, gloom arriving. Dismissing them is an impossible feat; your mind continues to subject your thoughts into negativity, restraining you from acting quickly.

If you’d been doing a poor job at raising them this whole time, then what had been the point of it all?

Needing a distraction, you head to the kitchen and join Sans by the sink, no words spoken between you.

He washes the dishes while you dry and store them away, keeping up a rhythmic pace until only the pot’s left. Your gaze focuses on his arms, jacket’s sleeves lifted all the way up to his elbows, revealing the oddity of who you were growing attracted to. His shirt's a bit loose by the neck, presenting you with his collarbones as you spare a peek under it. You're still adapting to the strangeness of having someone look so similar to a human skeleton, yet so different all the same. He could breathe, laugh, move, talk... and even kiss based on first-hand experience. His skull wasn't entirely solid, allowing him to blink, eat, and drink -- besides from what you were thinking of whenever you stared at his face and down at his teeth. You tell yourself it’s wrong to be befriending him, and even worse finding any attraction in him. You’re not sure how to interpret his words from earlier ago, and just what it meant to see him break down like he had.

He’d revealed he disliked who he used to be, but did he remember having said it?

From your experience, moments like those were hard to keep clear.

“Do you… remember what you said to me, Sans?”

His hands stop what they’re doing, one grabbing the knob -- ready to open the faucet -- and the other holding the pot, now coated in suds. He looks up at you, saying, “I cried, didn’t I? Don’t really remember word-for-word, but I know I meant what I said.”

You take a breather before responding with, “Even the part about hating who you used to be?”

Sans turns the knob, letting water pour down. “Yeah.” He nods, heaving out a sigh. “The more I look back and reflect on who I used to be, the more I understand why you don’t trust me.” The pot’s close to overflowing, though he doesn’t notice. You step in and place your hand over his, closing the faucet. Unaddressed tension remains as you stare down at his hand, yet you refuse to let it show, repelled by the idea of taking advantage of his vulnerability. You don’t want to engage in anything like your stay at the hotel again until you sorted out your mind and its jumble of thoughts, nor do you wish to romanticize his self-hatred by fulfilling your wants. “...I, uh, I get it now. And I promise I’ll stop flirtin' now that I know it.”

The monster pulls his hand away and takes the pot with both, emptying the soapy water down the drain. He does it little by little, preventing a flood in the sink. “Did Jerry say something about this?” you ask, taking the pot when he gives it to you. You hang the current towel and take a dryer, cleaner one from the rack. Then, you continue, finishing with the job. “He looked at you weird.”

He chuckles and meets with your eyes. “Maybe ‘cause I was all over you for a second there?”

You glare at him, lips doing the opposite by tugging into a grin, one you try to fight back. “Cut the sarcasm.” You jab his waist, smile growing. “You know what I mean."

“Let him think what he wants to think. I knew you before I knew him, and you guys haven’t been together for years. You’re your own person, and so’s him. If he doesn’t want to keep being friends, then that’s fine with me.”

You glance over to the time on the wall clock, seeing it’s already seven. With the frequent rain, the monster was forced to store his motorcycle away while it cleared out some more, and -- to make up for it -- his brother was now the one to either lend him his car, or take him where he needed to be. In short, letting him go back home would mean calling Papyrus two hours right before his sleep schedule. Either that, or it was sending Sans all alone off to the nearest bus stop.

You settle on neither, saying, "Want to stay over? It's late, and I've got a guest bedroom you can use."

He snickers and replies with, "Worried 'bout me?" When he notices, his grin falls, and he quickly makes up for it by adding, "Sorry. Doing that's pretty much a reflex now."

You smile and swat his shoulder, keeping your hand there. "...I don't really mind you flirting that way. I like it better than when you're straight-up obvious about it."

"Like the Mx. Serif thing?"

"Exactly." You shift on your feet, remembering one of his older comments. "That, and the ones you used to make about my... appearance."

"So you want me to be less invasive," he says, nodding. "Got it." He tries not to look down, a slight tense present in his grin. "I apologize if I ever made ya uncomfortable. I'm surprised you didn't just whack me over the head back then. Feels like I deserved it sometimes."

"Violence is not the answer." You pause, face regaining seriousness. "...Unless you cross borders you shouldn't be crossing."

"Kinda like what happened on the couch today?"

"No." You feel your throat ache the longer you talk with him, still too awkward to relax around him. "...I wanted it back then."

Sans washes his hands and gives you space to do the same. Then, he brings his sleeves down and waits until you're done washing up to accompany you to the living room. "Touch-starved?" he jokes, though you're far from taking it that way.

Seven years.

Not that you were completely, utterly desperate for a relationship, but good company was still good company. You could still use the warmth of someone else, even if it was purely platonic or familiar -- like a tight hug, or just someone else to have around the house. Wanting to depend less on Jerry's support and more on your own funds, you proposed to yourself working extra hours for as long as it was necessary. The rest of your day was either used up in chores or in spending more time with Frisk. It's only now that the monsters help you out with your child and their growth that you have additional time to do stuff like this.

"...Yes," you reply, looking away. "But that can wait."

You excuse yourself and head over to the fridge, needing some water to cure the sudden soreness to your throat; that, and you didn't really want to keep tangling yourself up in that mess.

When you've just about drank more than half a gallon, you stop and take in a deep breath, bringing yourself back to calm.

Regardless of what Frisk and Sans himself had said about living for yourself every so often, you had your set of goals already planned out. Speed-running through a relationship wasn't one, and even less considering the subject's past. You needed to know him and his intentions better before throwing yourself into it -- more than usual.

Two years of pointless arguments between you and Jerry had been enough to last you a lifetime; one of them was even more than pointless, considering you divorced by your first year. You never understood the point of submitting a child to the sight of continuous arguments if you could just find a way to stop becoming involved in what was causing that. You didn't want Frisk to feel like the root of all your problems, nor did you wish to make them feel as if they had to redeem themselves for something that wasn't even their fault to begin with. It was difficult to comprehend the thought-process behind calling out how many finances were spent on them, unless they were being a spoiled brat about it. Guilting them over the good things they had and belittling their troubles through constant comparison wasn't what you wanted, either.

But did it all have to be done by you limiting your own life and enjoyments?

Sans's advice and Frisk's words get to you, these you try to brush off for the moment being.

Fixing your situation with the monsters was more important than that.

"Ren?" a familiar voice calls out, stopping your speeding train of thought. "Is Sans staying over tonight?"

Your body freezes up, face doing the opposite.

Out of all the people you could’ve chosen to be attracted to, it had to be a person whose existence you were barely aware of until a few months ago, who you would've sworn was a contradiction to science as you knew it, and whose flirting techniques were about as low quality as a school lunch's ‘pizza’ Friday. “Yes,” you say, drinking another glass. You’ve already drank more than enough, but stress makes you want more. “It would be rude to send him home with how late it is.”

“You just want him to stay longer, don’t you?”

“That’s none of your concern, dear.”

You serve them a glass of milk, kiss their cheek, and shoo them off to bed, slumping against the fridge when they’re gone. The sound of the television being turned on follows when their footsteps grow faint, and you can hear them exchange a few words with the skeleton, though none of these you can get to understand clearly, standing so far away. “That’s their favourite movie!” is the only sentence you can decipher from them, words exclaimed. “Have fun!” They run off, footsteps echoing down the hallway.

Finally left with Sans again, you return to the living room to see him resting on the same side you’d been pinned to on the couch. You try not to remember, yet your mind proves to be cruel as it reminds you over the subtle warmth of his hands, the scent of your soap on him, and him being so close to take initiative by being the one to almost kiss you on the lips. You’d been the one to do that the first time you kissed him on the cheek back at Mettaton's hotel, though you tell yourself it was nothing special. It was mostly the heat of the moment that had caused you both to take it easy, after all. Today was an entirely different story. Compared to your approach, his was a much more complex and slow building one, waiting for you to better process his intentions and reciprocate his actions with far more sincerity compared to your stay at the hotel.

In short, you wanted to kiss him, but for real this time.

“You doin' okay?” Sans asks, seeing you arrive; he scoots further away, a simple gesture for you to sit down and join him.

“I’m... I'm okay,” you reply, nodding. “But are you really gonna watch that?” You point with your eyes at the television, your favourite movie still playing. “It’s a little lame.”

“Don’t lie.” He grins and hangs an arm behind the couch again when you settle next to him. “I’m pretty sure the kid said it’s your favourite.”

“Out of that particular genre, yes.” You stare at the screen, displaying a scene not too fitting for your situation, yet not completely out of touch either. It gives space for you to talk with him, no awkward romance scenes happening at the moment, and no loud, action-packed scenarios occurring either. Without a word, you move closer to him, letting his arm wrap around your shoulders as he brings you nearer, face resting against his chest. “Have you watched it before?”

“Today’s my first,” he says, hand lowering to your waist. He does nothing else, giving space for you to cozy up next to him the way you best deemed fit. ���Feelin’ better now? You can stay for s’long as ya need.”

Aware the monster's referencing your no short of embarrassing confession from before, you shift to a straighter position, meet his irises, and glare up at him. Rather than throwing a remark back at the skeleton, you figure it’s now best to kill him with kindness. You take his cheekbone, smile, and stroke his face, smiling to better accomplish your payback.

When he looks at you -- far too earnest and warm for your liking -- you flinch and have a sudden, unconscious change of plans.

“You’re enough, you know that?” you comment, words practically slipping from your mouth. “Maybe I don’t fully understand what happened at the Underground, but... But I'd say you’ve shown you care enough to improve things you don’t like about yourself. And you've also been pretty blunt and honest with me so far, so there’s that, too.” You kiss his cheekbone, ending on a note far more wholehearted than you originally intended your payback to be. “Try to remember that next time you start criticizing yourself like that again.”

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

• • •

Hello!

Before getting into some important stuff, this was meant to be yesterday's update, but I didn't have my laptop available at the time, hence the delay! I was able to update on other sites, but here I use the "keep reading" feature, which can only be accessed through a computer. (As far as my knowledge of that goes, of course -- I'm still learning how to use Tumblr!)

Now, moving to the important stuff:

A few changes will be going underway soon, such as adding the chapter navigation at the bottom of each update from the Prologue to Chapter Ten. As I mentioned in a previous author note about how late I realized I was missing something necessary for clicking on the next chapter more easily: I'm a dumbass, lol.

Also, I've made the decision of creating separate fanfics for the 4 other characters tagged in this story, along with a poll to decide which one I should work with first (as it was shown at the end of Chapter Fifteen, we've finally reached the exposition part of this fanfic, meaning other relationships will be introduced soon)! The reason why is not only to avoid coming off as misleading for those who're looking for a fanfic of that specific character only, but because rewriting this story led to it becoming much more slow burning, thus delaying the relationship development with plenty of characters. As a result, I'll modify the tags to all 16 chapters that've been published so far!

Hopefully, all those changes will be finished by next Friday. :-)

As always, take care and stay safe!

• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)

@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

@pandaquick

@timelock97

@candle-creeps

@paperb9gs

[doflamingadonquixote]

An Almost Perfect Life - 4/?

Summary: You are a young career woman at one of the bank in London and, at the same time, attending a PhD in Statistics. Your life was perfect until your apartment was invaded by two demons.

Pairing: Sebastian Michaelis x Fem!Reader x Claude Faustus

Previous Chap: Page 1 , Page 2 , Page 3

IV. Sharing Demons

The days had now reached a monotony that you didn't think possible. At work you were controlled by Sebastian but more than control he seemed to really develop a duty as an intern, helping you in the compilation of the documents and in the interviews that you used to carry out with customers who required your experience.

You never thought that kind of cohabitation would reach that level of fake tranquility. At one point, having breakfast and dinner almost became a pleasure.

Claude had become less intrusive, leaving you the space you needed during the study and no longer dared to approach your wardrobe after warning him that if he did it again you would have entered into a contract with Sebastian just out of spite.

You were sure the demon knew you had told a lie but still respected your will.

The last day before the week of your parents' visit, the golden-eyed demon even made you a preparer for a Statistics exam after studying with you and explaining some more delicate reasoning.

However, that feeling of continuous hunting didn’t seem to disappear. The two were and still seemed obsessed with entering into a contract.

Misunderstandings and attacks had happened at least a dozen times and it seemed that the two demons didn’t know how to be in company with each other. One day the house was haunted by Sebastian, the other by Claude.

It seemed as if they disappeared into thin air and when you asked about them or wanted to understand their nature, they seemed to evade your questions, leaving you with a huge question mark.

So much so that day they seemed tremendously irritated by the presence of their fellow man.

“So, my family is coming. I don't want oddities of any kind.” You explained clearly and concisely to the two demons who stood in front of the door.

You asked them politely if they could wear something more normal, like a pair of jeans and a shirt. Needless to say, they had dressed exactly the same way, so it was a matter of debate.

So you decided to offer Sebastian something that diverted attention from ordinary clothing and opted for a long black scarf.

You would have complained about that too, but you preferred to fly over.

You pointed your finger at Sebastian. “I've already explained the situation a hundred times.” And you turned your attention to Claude. “It's nothing too difficult.”

The door rang and almost made you jump on the spot.

“And absolutely no fights.”

Then with a sigh you opened the door and, first of all, you were invaded by the warm embrace of your mother. One arm closed on you while the other held up a bundle of fur. It was in extreme contact with your chest and you felt it shake a little before the woman left.

“It's nice to see you again, mom” you sighed, happy with a friendly face at last. The woman passed you and before paying attention to your father, you observed the reactions of the two demons.

When she settled in front of Sebastian, you watched him widen his eyes as a bright complexion went to cover his cheeks.

“Nice to meet you, I'm the mother of (Y / N), (Y / M / N).”

“Cat.” He said only, as he laid his red eyes on the white beast in your mother's arms.

You whitened. That particular attention on the animal made your blood rise to the brain. Did demons also eat cats?

Before the embarrassing moment could hit everyone, Claude reached out to cover your mother's, appearing in Sebastian's place.

“It's been a while” your father's voice came clear to your ears, forcing you to give your full attention to him.

At the door, with his usual bearing, he looked at you with a softened expression accompanied by a rare smile.

“Yes, it's been a while,” you agreed, letting the detachment disappear as you closed your arms around his body. You definitely missed your father.

He had always been there in difficult times and in your complicated choice of university. You would never have found the right way to thank them for all their commitment and love.

“They are Sebastian, my colleague at work ...” and you pointed to the raven who was playing with the legs of your mother's cat. “… And Claude, Sebastian's cousin. He teaches math and is helping me in the Master.”

The less distracted of the two made a slight bow and wondered where the hell it came from. A simple handshake was enough.

Your father's gaze turned from peaceful to extremely confused.

You quickly approached Claude, placing a hand behind his back and giving him a small pinch with your fingers to make him go straight.

“Well, what if we have lunch, I'm hungry.” you laughed forcedly as the demon watched you in silence.

Your mother, after playing enough with Sebastian and having had her dose of high discomfort, placed the cat in his arms and turned to face you.

“What? Already? But it's only 12 o'clock.” she returned to give her attention to the man to whom she had entrusted her creature and smiled cordially. “After all, I'm curious to know.”

Michaelis gently placed the cat on the ground and finally decided to get out of that embarrassing situation.

“Of course, I promised you after all, madame.”

Your mother laughed at the appellation and asked him to call her only by her name while escorting her to the living room, followed closely by your father who had suddenly become morbid and jealous.

“Are you allright, miss?” asked the second devil, just turning to look at you.

“I hope.” You moaned. “I really hope so.”

 “Are you serious?” chuckled (Y / M / N) as she let herself fall against the sofa.

“It was just like that. I would have expected everything but never to be mistaken for a thief.” Sebastian again confirmed as he was still pouring some tea into your mother's cup.

The two of them had secluded on the sofa closest to the window and on the other side of the table your father was starting a close conversation with Claude who seemed to respond monotonously.

For your part, you had been completely ignored during the whole aperitif, leaving you to deal with your phone.

And you couldn't have had better luck.

With the two distracted demons, you could have investigated more deeply into their nature. You had tried as much as possible to find out about how any contracts entered into worked and how the devil was able to circumvent them.

But nothing specified of devils who deliberately put themselves at the service of a human being without a lavish reward. Yours seemed to be an isolated case, not studied and not treated anywhere.

You excluded the most famous sites, certain that if something had been deliberately ousted you would never have been able to find it there and you aimed at those small anonymous sites with a macabre air.

Many spoke of how to recall a devil but few of how to expel that entity.

What you learned, however, was that the devil could only walk in the human world if close to a contractor. So if that was the case, why were those two still able to walk around like normal people?

And in history, even if they were just mythologies, nobody seemed to have been smart enough to deceive a devil.

Just when you were about to forfeit, an important word jumped into your eyes.

-Demon Slayer-

You thought that by clicking on it you would discover some mysterious coven of fanatics but only a cartoon from Japan happened to you.

Although it had been a waste of time, a vague probability of a demon hunter existence tickled your interest. But they could be anywhere.

The church certainly could have given you the answer you were looking for. Using correct and delicate words, they couldn’t have believed you mad but only persecuted.

There was only one problem.

You raised your eyes to the demons who, with their all too human faces, deceived your family with false and kind words.

Being able to leave the house without being observed by both wouldn’t have been an easy task.

Just as those thoughts invaded your head, Sebastian's eyes looked up at you and you could observe a curious frown. Faster than light, you closed the application and smiled fake.

“Well, how about sitting all at the table now? You must know that Sebastian is also an excellent cook. ”

 “It was a beautiful hour, (Y / N). We would have passed more often if there had also been such welcome companies.”

You avoided gnashing your mother's words as she warmly greeted the two demons near the door.

If only they had known...

“Don't get too used to it, I will get rid of them as soon as possible.” You wanted it to sound like a joke but it came out too much like a truth.

Sebastian turned to you, his usual innocent smile that graced his all too perfect face. “Now, now, it's not a nice thing to say.”

“Have a good return trip.” You recommended to your father, ignoring the offended comment of the red-eyed demon.

You watched them go out and walk along the avenue of your district from the window and when they disappeared from your sight you managed to breathe a sigh of relief.

The demons had done well, after all, and you never expected all that cooperativity.

Closing the light white curtains, you turned suddenly and jumped on the spot when your vision was completely obscured by a figure a few centimeters from you.

You sighed, putting a hand on your heart. “You have to stop showing up behind people...”

The golden eyes narrowed as if he were amused by your reaction, although nothing in his stoic expression seemed to show it. “I apologize. I forget how sensitive you are to heart attacks.”

“It seems like you're waiting for it to happen...” you laughed a little, trying to break that heavy feeling of blockage.

With a sigh, you let your eyes drop on the glass cup he held in his hands. Inside it still shone the dark brown liquid that your mother sipped during the aperitif. Maybe you forgot it in the living room.

“Oh, thanks.” You reached out to grab the object but when you came into contact with the demon's skin, his fingers opened letting the glass fall down.

You tried to reach it straight away, as if by an involuntary reaction, but the wrist was tightened in a painful grip that made you suddenly withdraw.

The thud and the sound of crystals dispersing on the parquet floor filled the silence inside the small room.

You could feel Claude's nails delicately tracing the inside of your wrist, caressing your flesh as if in a silent threat.

You tried to pressure yourself, as if to get back what was yours but it didn't work. The arm remained stretched to the side of the demon while his body seemed to dominate you. It wasn't too close to be annoying, but not too far away to allow you to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Claude, what's going on?”

When you found the courage to take your eyes off the floor and the grip, your eyes focused on his and you held your breath.

Behind the transparent lenses of the glasses, the unmistakable fire that had replaced the passive and detached yellow eyes shone.

You wanted to try again to say something that could make you understand the reason for his gesture but the grip that surrounded your flesh intensified suddenly letting you escape a sore groan.

Without your noticing his figure had bent over you and when his dark hair came to pinch your nose, you instinctively closed your eyes.

The unmistakable blow of a magazine on a hard object sounded a few centimeters from you, blocking the advance of the demon.

“Get a hold of yourself, Claude. You're scaring the young lady.”

You raised your head, which you had involuntarily lowered in fear, on the newcomer who was waving an old newspaper just above the spider demon's head, a sarcastic smile that graced his lips.

The demonic eyes had vanished again returning to the unmistakable gold and although they seemed to show a sort of surprise, that lasted a few moments.

Your hand was free again and you raised it in front of your chest, massaging the bruised skin. A bruise would probably come out the next day.

"I apologize." He only said, in his usual flat voice. He seemed to apologize very much that day.

Sebastian lowered his red eyes on you, holding out a hand as if to give you a rope to escape from that uncomfortable corner. You didn't know why but you relied on the second demon without thinking twice as he approached you.

“Maybe we should keep our appetite under control, don't you think?”

“I hate to admit it, but maybe you're right.”

You didn’t fully understand the allusion that the two demons had exchanged but you were sure of one thing. Claude was going to hurt you very much.

Your cell phone alarm clock rang at that moment, warning everyone that it was time to go back to work. Sebastian would follow you, as usual while Claude would stay home. Or so you thought.

Just before leaving, you turned around, confused by the sudden absence.

“Where's Claude?”

Michaelis put a finger to his lips as if to hide an all too obvious smile.

“Who knows, maybe sudden commitments.”

Unfortunately, at that time, you couldn’t understand the meaning of that phrase. But soon you would have.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/4/2020: SOCIETY

Without having a survey to back me up, I feel comfortable asserting that as a horror fan, you go through different phases with SOCIETY. It’s a basic fact of life, and yet it morphs and mutates underneath you, shocking you anew just when you think you’ve got a grip on it. You never forget your first time, because there is simply nothing like it. Then, after you get over the initial shock of its patented brand of body horror, you start to take it for granted; it's so broad and monolithic that it becomes something like the Grand Canyon--when it’s not right there in front of you, you begin to experience it more iconically, as part of the wallpaper of existence, rather than an in-your-face confrontation with the limits of experience. Then, you revisit it every few years (or months, depending on what sort of person you are), and the prophylactic layer that your brain has wrapped around your memories of it--the one that allows you to think of SOCIETY as a fun, wacky cheap thrill--begins to crumble, and you realize all over again how iconoclastically vile it is. Wherever you happen to be at, with this inimitable genre landmark, you'd be hard pressed to deny that it earns its royal status among horror movies, just for being so uniquely fucked up.

Filmmaker Brian Yuzna is best known as the co-creator of the indispensable RE-ANIMATOR (or as the co-writer of HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS...depending on what sort of person you are, again), itself a milestone achievement in the blending of sex and gore that so characterized '80s horror production. That film clearly brought out the best in Yuzna and frequent collaborator Stuart Gordon (also of HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS fame...among other things), but it's interesting to see how they operate apart, to understand the unique ingredients that each filmmaker brought to the more perfect union of their classic Lovecraft adaptation. Gordon skewed darker and more intellectual, as evidenced by the end of his career with the shattering mob thriller KING OF THE ANTS, the disturbing true crime drama STUCK, and the Mamet-penned EDMOND. Yuzna, for his part, is almost anti-intellectual, preferring to cook up blackly comic, semi-pornographic nightmares like his two increasingly horny RE-ANIMATOR sequels, the terminal S&M fantasy RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3, and the shamelessly hokey comic book adaptation FAUST: LOVE OF THE DAMNED. Yuzna's lack of shame is really his defining feature as an artist, and nowhere is this more obvious than in his directorial debut and signature masterpiece, SOCIETY.

Salvador Dali's "The Great Masturbator," a chief visual inspiration for SOCIETY.

Yuzna was able to leverage the success of RE-ANIMATOR to lock in two directorial opportunities, BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR, and a bizarre body horror exercise about a Beverly Hills orphan who discovers that not only are his adoptive family from a different bloodline, but they're not even from the same species. That both pictures employed the writing team of Woody Keith and Rick Fry gives you a little taste of what to expect from SOCIETY, but to be frank, the latter threatens to make the former look like a very special episode of ER; "overkill" barely begins to describe SOCIETY’s ambitious assault on the human body. In a recent interview, the philipino-american director giggles perversely, "I think my friends were a little embarrassed for me (when they saw SOCIETY)," and this sound bite reminded me that the last, most important ingredient that Yuzna contributes to any project is unabashed joy. It's a little hard to imagine stomaching SOCIETY without it.

In this unusual scene from the class struggle in Beverly Hills, Billy Warlock (son of HALLOWEEN 2's Michael Myers, Dick Warlock) plays Bill Whitney, a rich, handsome, athletic high school student with a heavy duty anxiety disorder. Although he appears to have it all, he is plagued by nightmares and hallucinations, reflecting suspicions that the family that spoils him is also out to get him. Perhaps this is all understandable, though. Bill is under a lot of pressure these days, with his parents devoting all of their attention to his sister's coming out party, and his narcissistic girlfriend pushing him to ingratiate himself to the assholes higher up the social ladder; it's enough to make any teenager feel alienated and insecure. But, do these garden variety anxieties account for his visions of his sister's body deforming itself unnaturally, or the dubious evidence he finds that her debutante ball involves incestuous orgies and human sacrifice? Is Bill simply crumbling under the strain of societal expectations, or is the friction with his shrink, his parents, and his peers all symptomatic of an elaborate plot against him by elites who are truly less than human?

I can’t believe they use this cheapo blanket trick MORE THAN ONCE in a movie that is famous for its unforgettable special effects, and I guess I kind of love it.

In case I haven't made the answer abundantly obvious, I'll add that while SOCIETY is the purest expression of Yuzna-ness on the market, it has an important co-author in Screaming Mad George. The eccentric japanese FX master, whose name is apparently an amalgamation of Mad Magazine, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, and...George, has produced some of horror's most outrageous makeup and visual effects, mostly for Yuzna, many of them in SOCIETY. If you've seen even a trailer for Alex Winter's 1993 oddity FREAKED--which is itself a grossout criticism of American social standards--then you are already familiar with SMG's trademark style. He specializes in twisted perversions of the human form that would make a cenobite blush, driven by a penchant for puns, and influenced equally by THE THING's Rob Botin, and Big Daddy Roth’s Rat Fink style. Screaming Mad George is instrumental in articulating Yuzna's premise: that behind the shimmering veneer of success and sophistication, the upper class are just a bunch of degenerates, who literally degenerate into something unimaginable behind closed doors. It's impossible to imagine SOCIETY without his sinuous, slithering monstrosities, or his indescribable realization of their most important social event, "the shunt".

One of many great images from a zine I wish I owned, on SMG’s Facebook page.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by SOCIETY's visual impact, but its message is just as potent now as it was at the end of the Reagan era: Rich people are not only different from the rest of us, but in fact, they aren't even human. Writers Keith and Fry make an interesting choice of hero to help put this across. A lazier writer would have selected any archetype from the Freaks and Geeks set to create an easy Us vs Them tension, but SOCIETY is led by a promising young man who, for reasons he himself does not yet understand, is just not "the right kind of people". Bill appears to have every advantage in life, including a level of popularity that wins him presidency of the debate team despite his nerdier rival’s superior prowess--and yet, he suffers from a stigmatizing psychiatric disorder that is the natural result of feeling indefinably different from one's peers, and intuiting that, as a consequence, they don't even really like you. The shallow jock with deep-seated emotional problems is a much more interesting protagonist for this kind of social allegory than the charismatic outcasts that you get in movies like THE FACULTY and DISTURBING BEHAVIOR, for whom the idea that the elites could be aliens is just de rigueur.

It's worth noting that this complexity of character extends to Bill's love interest, sympathetic society girl Clarissa Carlyn (Playboy Playmate Devin DeVasquez). At first, she seems villainously eager to introduce Bill to the many splendors of "the shunting", but as the plot against him mounts to its horrifying conclusion, she defects. There appears to be a reason for this, although honestly, this is the most difficult part of SOCIETY for me to wrap my head around. Clarissa lives as an essentially independent adult, only burdened by her mother (Pamela Matheson), a possibly brain damaged hulk who lurks in and out of various scenes just to be disturbing, always announced by some toots on a tuba, before eventually siding with our heroes. I'm really not sure what's supposed to be going on in this part of the movie, except that this character contributes to a number of distasteful jokes. But, I hold on to the idea that by virtue of whatever disorder Mrs. Carlyn suffers from, she serves the purpose of priming Clarissa to rebel, since her very existence makes her daughter something of a societal outcast herself. That's the best I can do.

In any case, everyone working on SOCIETY commits completely, with Mrs. Carlyn being no exception. The movie's climactic orgy of the damned is an all hands on deck operation, just as reliant on Screaming Mad George's artistic abilities as it is on the actors' responsibility to make you believe that this fucked up shit is really happening. There's a visceral patina of sleaze spread over the entire film, dripping from the way that characters talk to and touch each other, flirting and flaunting their bodies in a distinctly unseemly fashion, even when it stays within the realm of mundane reality. This constant sinister, insinuating attitude on the part of the whole cast lays the foundation for what is to come, and while I appreciate everybody's hard work, my favorite performance is from an actor who only comes in at the very end: David Wiley as society king Judge Carter. Wiley's career consisted almost exclusively of the most ordinary sort of television work, which makes his outrageous turn in this alien porno flick all the more respectable. While other characters transition from suspicious pod people to full-on mutated perverts, Judge Carter has to show up just for the finale, establish his authority, rip off his clothes, and plunge straight into a sea of slime, happily fisting his way through the cast. Wiley meets this challenge with aplomb, making of himself a hybrid of Robert Englund and Gene Hackman, perfectly embodying the movie's joyful absurdity, and never betraying the slightest hint of embarrassment. 

SOCIETY is very much a don't-look-down type of endeavor, a fairy that could expire at the slightest lapse in faith. There's a visual pun in the last act that's so gross, so offensive, so frankly idiotic, that I don't have the courage to describe it; my whole body tenses up when I know this scene is coming, as if it were the meat hook scene in TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE or the brutal rape in the middle of SHOWGIRLS. I don't like it, but at the same time, I respect Yuzna's unhesitating commitment to show it to me, and I think that actor Charles Lucia should get some kind of award for shouldering the burden so valiantly. SOCIETY is a daring movie in the truest sense, a film with more balls than brains, and in this it exposes the limitation of intelligence and taste, and the real need for pure transgression, in producing art of any real value. You might argue with me about whether Yuzna's masturbatory magnum opus really qualifies as art, but to respond to that, I'll quote the great transgressor Alejandro Jodorowsky: "If you are great, EL TOPO is a great picture. If you are limited, EL TOPO is limited." So stick that in your shunt and smoke it.

PS Here, have this stuck in your head for the rest of your life.

[thefloatingstone]

We’ve gone from Self-Isolation to Quarantine and in some places to gradual relaxation phases, but that doesn’t stop the need for more nonsense you can watch on youtube while you wait for things to get back to normal. And recommending things and making lists are some of my favourite things to do but I have not yet figured out how to start or structure a video myself, you guys get another rambling tumblr post of things you can watch on youtube.

This time I’m once again just gonna recommend individual videos rather than full channels like I did in part 2.

Part 1

Part 2

In no particular order; 

LOCAL58: The Broadcast Station that Manipulates You

I recently started watching the Nexpo channel when I went on a binge of creepy youtube videos. Most of his videos are really good although the ones where he himself goes into theory crafting can be a little asinine. However, this video is REALLY good. And before you get nervous, LOCAL58 is not a real TV station. LOCAL58 is a youtube channel created by the same guy behind the Candle Cove creepypasta. This video by Nexpo covers the various episodes of LOCAL58 and discusses them. Just be aware going in that this is abstract horror, and will probably get under your skin regardless if you’re unaffected by certain topics or not. although cw for suicide mention.

I also recommend most of the rest of this channel, although be careful where you tread. I don’t recommend his series “Disturbing things from around the internet” as it can sometimes include real life crime, abuse and such caught on security cameras. Everything else is really good tho. (although I was really annoyed by his 2 videos on KrainaGrzybowTV)

The Search for D.B. Cooper

LEMMiNO has a new video out covering one of the most unexplained crimes in the past century of the US. LEMMiNO is the guy I’ve recommended before who did videos on the Universal S. He is very down to earth and not someone prone to conspiracy or even really that fanciful of thinking. (He’s like the one person I feel covered the Dyaltov Pass incident and was confused by why this was even a mystery because if you read the Russian Autopsy reports and documents associated with the case it’s all pretty logical and easily explained)

D.B. Cooper is the name given to a man who, in 1971, hijacked an airplane with a bomb, asked for a large sum of money, and after receiving it, parachuted from the plane and was never seen or heard from again.

The Austrian Wine Poisoning | Down the Rabbit Hole

Down the Rabbit Hole also has a new video out, this time covering the Austrian Wine Poisoning event from 1985. A scandal that involved literally the entire country of Austria, affected multiple countries, and forever changed the way wine was made world wide. As someone who is generally pretty allergic to most artificial substances this one made me personally very angry. But luckily, it has a happy ending and a better world for us all... if I could drink wine which I can’t do anyway.

The Turbulent Tale of Yandere Dev - A Six Year Struggle

The Right Opinion is another channel I only recently subbed to after watching his cover on Onion Boy. I put off subbing to him simply because of his channel name and I thought it meant he would come across as smug and elitist. Luckily this seems to merely be one of those “I chose a bad channel name and now I’m stuck with it” type of situations. (IHE has a similar problem).

Anyway, I have a weird interest in bizarre internet personalities, so I’ve been enjoying his channel as he simply discusses and presents a timeline of events of certain individuals. In this video, he covers the developer behind the much maligned Yandere Simulator. It’s a tale of hubris, arrogance, immaturity, and an unwillingness to accept your own shortcomings due to ego.

Oh and there’s a meme game about Japanese school girls with anime tiddies in there as well.

The Most Relaxing Anime Ever Made | Yokohama Kaidashi Kikō

Kenny Lauderdale is a youtube channel which is slowly becoming bigger which I’m very happy to see. He exclusively covers anime and live action Japanese television no younger than the mid 90s (as is the case with YYK) and which usually never saw a release outside of Japanese Laserdisc. I do wish his videos were a little longer, but if nothing else his videos serve as an excellent starting to point to find some older and underappreciated shows... or hot garbage fires. In this episode he talks about the 2 OVA episodes made based on one of my favourite manga, Yokohama Shopping Log. A Post apocalyptic anime about an android who runs a coffee shop outside of her house, and the quiet solitude of living in a world of declining human population, brief encounters with travelers and other people, and just... existing. The anime was never released outside of Japan and is only available on Japanese VHS and laserdisc.... but hey guess what!! Somebody uploaded both episodes, subbed, to Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2HCVOH6DtA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqSTwfkobME

YMS’ slow descent into madness as he uncovers just how bullshit the Kimba Conspiracy is

I’m linking a full playlist for this one.

YMS is busy planning his review on the “live action” Lion King remake as the original 1994 movie is probably his favourite movie all time (and also self declared what made him a furry). As part of the 2 hour review, he decided to what all 2000 hours of Kimba the White Lion just to mention how The Lion King potentially stole the idea. ....until he actually watched all 2000 hours of Kimba and realised that if you actually WATCH Kimba, it has VERY little to do with the Lion King at all apart from having the same animals in them because AFRICA. Watch as one man slowly loses his mind as he realises just how stupid this conspiracy theory is, just HOW DECEITFUL and straight up LYING people can be. People who write BOOKS. People who teach LAW AT UNIVERSITIES. Because NOBODY bothered to actually watch the entire show and just parroted the “Disney stole this” lie which got started by like 2 salty fans on the internet.

The man set out to just mention how Disney stole an idea, and uncovered one of the most infuriating rabbit holes on the internet. Screaming for SOMEONE to provide him with sources or evidence.

YMS will be publishing his full Kimba documentary this month which he has said is around 2 hours long before he continues to work on the Lion King one.

Science Stories: Loch Ness eDNA results, Poop Knives, and Skeleton Lovers

TREY the Explainer has a video giving us some updates in Archeology from 2019. In this video he discusses the findings of the eDNA results conducted on the Loch Ness to see what animal DNA the lake contains which will tell us what living animals currently inhabit the lake, ancient knives made of poop and if this is a real thing that could have existed, and a skeleton couple found buried together which were at first thought to be lovers, then revealed to be both male, and then how in this instance we cannot let our modern sensibilities dictate what we WANT this burial find to be, but to look at the evidence as presented to us and place in context finds of this nature. The worst thing an archaeologist can do is look for proof to a theory they already have.

The Bizarre Modern Reality of Sonic the Hedgehog

Super Eyepatch Wolf is back and he’s here to talk to us about the very very strange existence of Sonic. a 90s rebellious “too cool for School” answer to Mario, a lost idea as the world of video games changes and culture shifted, a meme and punching bag amplified by a unique fanbase and poor quality games, a transcendence into a horrific warped  idea of what he once was, and modern day and where Sonic and his fans are now. As usual Super Eyepatch Wolf knocks it out of the park.

Kokoro Wish and the Birth of a Multiverse: A Lecture on the Work of Jennifer Diane Reitz

I don’t even sub to this channel as I’m not entirely sure what Ben’s usual content is about. But every now and then he has a “101″ class, where he explains to a room full of his friends in a classroom setting (complete with Whiteboard) an internet artist and oddity, the timeline, and what it is they have created. (wait... didn’t I say this already?). Unlike TRO however, the 101 classrooms are not a dark look into disturbed individuals (although the CWC 101 is debatable) nor is it a “lol look at this weirdo” dragging. Instead, of the 3 he’s done so far, it’s usually a rather sympathetic look at some of the strange artists on the internet who through some way or another, left a very big cultural impact on the internet space through their art. Sometimes they may not be the best people, but their work is so outside of what we’re used to seeing that just listening to him run you through these people’s internet history is fascinating.

In this episode he talks about Jennifer Diane Reitz. And although it is titled Kokoro Wish, the lecture is more about Jennifer’s larger work back in the early internet when being a weeb was unheard of, how being trans influenced her stories and characters, and her world building that is so rich and in-depth with it’s own ASTRO PHYSICS it puts any modern fictional world found in games or movies to shame.

Jennifer is not exactly a nice person... and in many ways can be seen as dangerously irresponsible, but she created something truly unique in a way that you kinda struggle figuring out if it’s terrible or a work of genius.

Anyway I think that’s enough for now

[revchainsaw]

One Cut of the Dead (2017)

Spoiler Alert. I have never made the claim that this is a spoiler free film blog. I barely consider this a collection of film reviews as much as it is a space for me to have a one sided conversation about movies. I don't want to limit myself to the constraints of spoiler free content, for one because I believe in most cases we don't watch films to be surprised. I read many books, and many of those books have been adapted into films, and never once has knowing what is going to happen ruined my experience of a film. In regards to One Cut of the Dead however, I think you owe it to yourself to stop reading right here and go and see this film for yourself. I'm going to get the letter grade out of the way right now and let you know without any context that One Cut of the Dead get's an A from Reverend Chainsaw and the Cult of Cult. However, if you've already seen the movie and you would like to worship along with the Cult Film Tent Revival, please read on.

The Message

One Cut of the Dead is a two for one punch. First we are told the story of a film director who goes to extreme measures to create his zombie film. These extreme measures include shooting in a former testing facility and using an occult ritual to bring real zombies into the mix. The real zombies terrorize the actors and the crew as the mad director sporadically pops in and out shouting "Action". This almost 40 minute short film is of course done in one outstanding take. Due to all the running and chasing if you are a fan of butts more than faces, you will have a pleasant time. Still, this short film is off, there are strange lags where characters jump up from off screen for one reason or another, points where the camera drops and points at the ground, or where long drawn out conversations occur or the action just suddenly stops for an unexplained reason. What could possibly be happening?

Well, this is why when the credits roll early on in the feature you should stay tuned. You see our One Cut meta film, is actually a film within a film. Every thing that can go wrong will go wrong. Higurashi is a small time director living in Japan who specializes in small projects. One day he is scouted by the Zombie channel that is looking to launch it's premier with a very special project. Impressed with Higurashi's signature style "cheap but average", they propose that he be their man. The Zombie Channel wants to do a LIVE ONE TAKE thirty minute short film. After initially taking a moment to realize this insane idea is no joke, Higurashi agrees.

The filming takes way. The cast is difficult, the crew is barely manageable, and Higurashi and his wife are forced by their strange circumstances to take prominent roles in the chaotic picture. Equipment breaks down, improvisations are required, and there is no time for bathroom breaks. "One Cut of the Dead" proves a bizarre testing ground for our likeable rogues and they somehow manage against all odds to pull it off, explaining every quirk and oddity in the short films run time.

Please, please treat yourself and join me in receiving The Benediction.

Best Aspect: All is Revealed

One Cut of the Dead is so frustrating that it's brilliant, and so brilliant that it is frustrating. I want to know so badly if the film we see in the first half, is actually made up of footage that was being shot by the cast as the second half was being filmed, as opposed to being shot like a traditional movie. If so, It would add yet a third level of beautiful meta narrative to this movie.

What is particularly brilliant is that it does not sell itself as a film about film making, but as a much easier film where "it turns out the monsters are real", spoopy doopy stuff. Once you go in expecting that and you see all this surreal amateur stuff happening it keeps you intrigued. Why is the zombie pausing, why did those legs just appear on screen and walk off? Your left wondering what is happening and then the credits roll and the second part of the movie begins.

The second half is hilarious and it's so fun as you have each little mystery resolved and it's never boring but almost always mundane. This is not a horror movie, well it does contain a horror movie, but this is a love letter to all those happy accidents. I particularly love Evil Dead and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a love that is fueled by the chaotic stories that happened behind the scenes. It may be scripted, but One Cut of the Dead gives me all the satisfaction of watching a low budget horror romp, immediately followed by it's charming creation myth.

Worst Aspect: A Hat wearing a Hat

That said, it's strength is also a weakness. It is hard to write about, it's hard to always keep your head straight. This movie is a movie about making a movie about making a movie, it also is contains the movie about making a movie. Are you lost? No? Maybe I'm just dumb. It helps to not try to hard to explain it. And it only takes a little time to keep it all straight, but then again that's asking way more of the audience than most films do. Personally, it's barely even a problem, but that just speaks to how freaking great One Cut of the Dead is.

Best Character: In on the ACTION!

There is not a single character in One Cut of the Dead that is unlikeable, I almost did not give this movie a best character. However after a little bit of thinking I came down to Higurashi or Nao. Oh how I love you Nao, you crazy wild thing. But when it comes down to just candid hopefulness, and a hero that you root for the whole movie, Higurashi is the man. Every time he solves a problem and smiles it just warms my heart. I keep watching to see Higurashi succeed and anxiously anticipate his failure. The satisfaction the audience feels at the completion of this film hinges entirely on whether you want Higurashi to accomplish his herculean task.

Most WTF Moment: POOP!

I'm not even going to explain this one. Just know that there is a line of dialogue that is simply "poop" and it'll get ya.

Most Memorable Shot: Ritual Site

In lieu of a Best Kill category or another Worst category (which is hard to come up with in regards to One Cut), I'd invented the Most Memorable Shot category. It's not the same as a scene because in my minds eye I'm not thinking of a whole sequence. if I were I'd have to give it to the titular one cut. What I mean is a solid shot that sticks with me when I close my eyes and think about this film. And at the conclusion of the film within a film our lead actress is clutching a knife, facing the camera that is staring down at her, and at her feet is a massive pentagram made of blood. It's a really cool image and if you've seen the movie you know how much Higurashi and the crew worked to get that specific image in your mind. You could say out of all the visuals in this movie the pentagram shot is the top of the pyramid.

Summary

Once Cut of the dead is so enjoyable I've watched it 3 times in 2 days. Every time I rewatch it I catch something else. My initial motivation was to see the first segment again with the thought of the second segment in mind, but I just couldn't stop there. This movie is candy. This movie is cocaine. If you love horror films for the artistry (or lack there of) and not just for the scares, then this movie will hit many sweet spots for you. Don't sleep on this. Get a Shudder subscription and watch One Cut of the Dead, and then watch it again.

Overall Grade: A

[aion-rsa]

Legends of Tomorrow: Can Sara Lance Survive This Space Oddity?

https://ift.tt/3eMSTaK

This Legends of Tomorrow review contains spoilers.

Legends of Tomorrow Season 6 Episode 1

There’s a bit in the sixth season premiere of Legends of Tomorrow, “Ground Control to Sara Lance,” that made me furious. Gary, the comic relief sidekick who gets retconned this episode to have been an alien infiltrator, has explained his whole backstory to the abducted Sara Lance, who wakes up on an alien spaceship just in time to see it hyperdrive away from Earth from a rear window. Sara wants to get home, so she tells Gary, “Give me everything you know about this ship.” Gary’s response is to start to explain how she and Ava first started dating. 

When I heard this, I got so mad. It’s completely unfair that the cast and crew of Legends is so good that they can hand in a B+ episode for this show that contains within it the single best Muppets joke in over a decade.

Legends returns to airwaves with its first episode in almost a year, and it continues to amaze how this show just can’t miss. This cast is so obviously comfortable with each other, and the crew so in touch with what makes the characters so entertaining, that Legends’ floor is better than many shows at their best, and good episodes turn great because of those strengths. There’s a confidence and efficiency in the storytelling that lets the show dispense with a lot of setup and exposition quickly,to give the characters space to breathe and the jokes time to set. Case in point: “Ground Control to Sara Lance.”

At the end of last season, Sara was abducted by aliens, setting the stage for this season’s space and alien-themed adventures. The purpose of this episode was to reintroduce the characters and setting, and set up the conflict for the rest of the season. This was done mostly with two sequences: one that showed how deeply comic book-y this show can be, and one that showed how efficient it is. 

The reintroduction of the team was done largely through Ava’s eyes. She’s flushed awake by Mick after passing out drunk on the Waverider’s toilet, where she realizes Sara never brought her to bed the night before. So they head out to find everyone. Constantine and Zari just finished hooking up; Astra is card sharping an entire poker room dry; Behrad’s getting the munchies out of his system with a Buckingham Palace Guard; and Nate’s explaining his extremely convoluted love life to David Bowie. When Bowie shows the team that Sara was ready to propose to Ava before being abducted by aliens, Ava springs into action. I’m 85% certain she used time travel to clean up her hangover, and came back with a checklist for how to deal with the problem, one that had specific, character-by-character instructions on how each would respond and how to get them to serve the mission despite that.

This whole thing is extremely similar to how Bronze Age and earlier comic issues worked – each issue was treated like someone’s first, so the storytellers had to take the first 3 pages of the 22 page story to reintroduce and recap, but the effective, elegant ones would do it without you ever noticing. Ava’s checklist and hunt for her teammates performed the same function just as effectively.

Read more

TV

Batwoman: Where Does Wallis Day’s Kate Kane Fit in Gotham?

By Lacy Baugher

TV

Black Lightning is Making the Most of Its Final Season

By Nicole Hill

Incidentally, while this show is extremely comic book-y, it’s also straight up disrespectful to the concept of comic book shows in an utterly delightful way. Legends continues to interact with the rest of the Arrowverse – the DEO is referenced as destroyed here, in a nod to Supergirl’s fifth season – but this show feels like it’s taking the tics of comic book shows and poking fun at them. When you’ve spent years watching every show with an ear for potential easter eggs, your first instinct when you hear a character on a DC TV show say “he’s with Starman” is to clap and wonder if it’s Jack, Ted, Mikaal, or Prince Gavyn. Then and only then does a David Bowie cameo feel like a cop out. The same goes for Ava referencing Sara’s pre-her love life by saying “swing a dead cat…” I had to stop myself from looking up if Sara and Roy Harper hooked up.

The episode ended with that same efficiency that made the opening so effective. Sara battles the tentacly captain of the ship while Gary tries to open a wormhole home, and Sara wins the fight with a move straight out of Alien: she opens an airlock to throw him out. And when he doesn’t get all the way out the door, she releases pods of other kidnapees from their alcoves to knock him into the wormhole behind the ship. The captain, along with the aliens in the pods, fall into the Bleed and eventually travel through time, setting up the Legends to hunt them down last season, while Sara and Gary figure out how to get home. 

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Legends is a show that shouldn’t work. It’s ridiculous and earnest and geeky and could so easily slide into terminally cheesy and corny. But it never does, even for a minute, because the cast and crew are so joyful and confident and talented that they sell every bit of the emotional stakes. The only complaint I have is that this show is so consistently good that it almost demands being graded on a curve. “Ground Control to Sara Lance” would be a 9.5 or a 10 on any other TV show, but because Legends of Tomorrow routinely does so much bananapants shit, it’s only an 8. But praise Beebo, it’s a high 8.

The post Legends of Tomorrow: Can Sara Lance Survive This Space Oddity? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3ufG8f4

[sanshineaus]

mingi : friends to lovers

warnings: none!

type: bulletpoint au, fluff

word count: 1989 (a lil short!! i’m very sorry)

a/n: as a san stan, we get fed content every 30 minutes and y’all mingi stans are the backbone of the fandom

you and mingi have a very sweet friendship, really

he and you would most likely die for each other

but also if he touches your charger you WILL kill him

you met through another friend, at their birthday party

right after you congratulated them and handed them their gift, mingi came around the corner and clumsily nearly spilled a drink on you

he still apologized though!!! AND offered to check for you if there was a drink anywhere

your friend laughed and introduced you two

'he's cute isn't he?'

oh boy was he!!!

he really was sweet too; you didn’t know anyone else but your friend and now, him, and he was nice enough to let you stick to him like glue

you even ended up exchanging numbers, and playing 8ball in your respective cabs when the party ended

from then on you began texting

and it grew into exchanging social media

to being inseparable in real life too

mingi would constantly bug you to go out and eat with him

and you’d frequently go shopping together (or window shopping. mingi just LOOKS stingy)

when your snap streaks had officially reached 420 days, mingi made sure to screenshot it and post it on all social media

as he did with any you content in general

and let’s be honest with ourselves— mingi’s a very, very beautiful person

so there was no shortage of people in his dms

most of which happened to be opening with ‘are you single’

because of your numerous posts together, it just didn’t seem likely

but really, you’d say ‘ew’ to that, because ew, that’s your best friend

who you’ve seen snotty crying over a picture of a particularly small puppy resting on a very large cat

and who has seen YOU snotty crying over the same picture but shhhh

you honestly think there’s no way you like him

your heart doesn’t palpitate around him or anything like that

(your chest just gets concerningly warm, so does your face and ears, and you have to take several gulps of air to compose yourself when he smiles. shhhhh)

EVEN if you did (which you don’t!) he wouldn’t like you back

he’s mingi

all mingi likes is dragging you out of bed by your feet

and making you regret giving him a spare key to your place

he’s in general grossly sappy, though

he fully understands that he’s cute and you detest it

because he ASKS you. he has the gall, the nerve to put on a silly cat, make a face at you in the store you’re in, and ask if he’s cute

and you want to say yes and laugh along with him but you settle for sighing and saying ‘sure’

but each and every time

he smiles

and it’s really rejuvenating. maybe an angel gets its wings or something. or fairies get born?

you two once debated over which of those two phrases is better, and you were the firm ‘fairy gets its wings’ believer

until he seemed a bit pouty and you decided to just merge the two

you have very stupid discussions

of the ‘do we belong in a circus’ kind

(yes, you might)

his very hidden talent is carrying a lot of mugs

mingi’s fingers are long, and he hangs the mugs off of them while maintaining focus

his record? 24 mugs

one of which broke while he walked from his room to the dishwasher

he was sad about it because it was a mug shaped like a bird

and you had to both comfort him and drive him in his tears to the store to get another one

to be fair, you also felt bad. so, so bad, because the mug was ADORABLE and you could tell mingi thought so too

but you got a Mingi Hug out of it later

when he thanked you, he really did go all out

(he put in no effort, he was just very huggable and it was very nice)

it was when you were very tired and on the brink of Death™ (you know, Death™, like when you just want to nap for 78 hours somewhere in a forest temple)

that you two decide to go to a 7/11

you both unfortunately have this thing called responsibilities so for whatever reason, neither of you can sleep

and so you offer to mingi to meet up at the store between your houses

to which he agrees, and asks if he can come over

to which you say no, but you also say YOLO™ and decide to leave your work in progress to meet up with your friend

(be gay do crime)

you don’t really do either, actually, you respectfully pay for your drinks and those packaged meals which are never as good at day as when they are at night

he insists you use the plastic bag you two had as a seat so your butt doesn’t get cold

and you do, but you also try and elbow his shin when he also sits down on the concrete

you are reminded of the ew feeling of seeing your best friend scarf down sushi like it’s soup

and he somehow manages to talk coherently about his stupid escapade which brought him to this point of meeting up with you

it’s so frustratingly endearing

because you know he’s enjoying himself if he doesn’t stop talking, and you know he’s comfortable around you

and that’s what makes you heart FINALLY flutter

it doesn’t take long for you two to depart, when you finish your own food and drink

and berate him a bit for not saving his drink for when he ended his meal and then stole a sip— no, a GULP from you

that night you give up on your project

(obviously not entirely)

but you’re certainly too busy to think straight

and lying in your bed with your heart beating quick is something you find pretty exhilarating

it’s actually pretty nice to like someone

because anything mingi does is fun, too

he gives you his jacket? perfection

he gives you a noogie? not AS perfect or ideal, but you’re happy he has you in a headlock because it’s a touch of human contact

and you like This human

he tries talking to you about what he would do if aliens landed

and you call him out on his bullshit, not because he’s wrong but because you love him <3 and he’s also wrong

he would NOT try and be nice to them, he’d immediately go in and look if there’s more species

“mingi would accidentally bring doomsday because he’d reject the flirting of an alien princess” yunho (who you met through mingi on the exact day of your 420 streak) adds, from somewhere near you guys in mingi’s apartment, and you absolutely agree

“marriage proposal? come on, i’d know!”

yunho looks at you, then at mingi, then back at you, and just shakes his head

and you feel offended because you’re aware of what yunho’s thinking

but mingi’s less on board

“are you saying they’re an alien princess?”

you argue that if you were an alien, you’d abolish the monarchy

but you also add that you’d rather be king if it came down to it

mingi is very insistent and it’s then when you realize that your heart is beating like that again

because he’s stood up and taken you with him to show to yunho that you’d make a terrific alien princess if only they put you in a sci-fi dress and crown

you want to put mingi in a sci-fi dress and crown all of a sudden, you don’t know : /

it’s prerogative you get more than one Mingi Hug

Mingi Hugs are a bit of an oddity

not because he doesn’t hug you often

it’s just that this is such a specific brand of hug that he reserves for moments of vulnerability

where he protectively wraps his arms around you, but places his head on your shoulder to hide his face

maybe he’s crying, maybe you’re crying, maybe neither is happening and he’s just grateful you’re there, but you’ve noticed he doesn’t do it as often to other people

it’s really cute, though

you’re sitting on your roof one night

not star gazing, mingi just said he read an article that said some phenomena will hit the skies

you tried to listen to him but he was so excited that explaining failed him and he just grabbed your hand to pull you out

(not that you were complaining, he was so gentle and cute)

you are lying down next to each other; and he’s pointing out constellations to you

you see some of them, others are less easy to spot, but every once in a while he rambles about something interesting he knew

but then it starts

you hear a sizzling first, and then a shot

and your sky is red… with a firework

after that, there’s another pound, the colour this time pink

it is pretty— colours exploding against the night sky is pretty

but what the hell? this isn’t a nebular event

it’s when you finally tear your eyes away from the sky to mingi to interrogate him that you see he’s already looking at you

and he has a very sweet smile on his face

“it’s our 500th snap streak day”

and you aren’t stupid, so you know he’s behind the fireworks, but

“why?”

and he lets out a very burdened sigh before he grabs your wrist, and places your hand in his

“it means i’ve liked you for 500 days”

there’s two emotions fluctuating all throughout

relief and joy

so you scoot over and let go of his hand so that you can swing your arms around his neck

his arms, for the first time, are loose, and you can absolutely hear the beating of his heart

the fireworks stop all of a sudden when your neighbour yells

but you ignore her so you can try and get even closer to mingi

you mumble that you like him too

however he hugs you tighter

and tells you he can’t hear you

but he DEFINITELY CAN AND HE’S JUST—UGHHH

so you decide to be even worse about it

and you y e l l it

now the whole neighbourhood knows you like mingi

though it does gradually grow into love

mingi’s a very caring boyfriend; after all, he was exactly the same as a friend

now with the added bonus of being able to kiss you

which is a power he abuses thoroughly

he gives forehead and temple kisses the most

and he’s a very terrible gremlin, so he sometimes holds your head only to bring it to his lips

or he’ll pick you up randomly

“can you tell i worked out?”

yes, you can, but you’re more focused on trying to land safely if he loses his grip

not that you don’t trust him

you trust him in every aspect of the relationship

he’s reliable— and also brings you food at inconvenient times of the day

plus you get to visit each other whenever

he likes doing animal face masks with you

and offers a bath every. time.

he runs some of the best bubble baths though, you can’t lie

he’s also very warm most of the time, so if you’re a heat sink… guess what! you no longer are!

mingi’s also very careful

he makes mistakes often; physically breaking things, sometimes he doesn’t know his strength, and so on

but he’s always ready to apologize and get you something new

he sometimes ends up going too far with a joke?

apology!

he’s very meticulous with it too. words mean as much as actions to him, and so there’s a lot of meaning in his apologies

he’s just cute

you’re both very cute but also a very annoying couple

pda? she’s your best friend

*yeosang cringes*

[illogicalhusbands]

The Game is Afoot - pt. 4

Bill Masters x Alec Hardy Masters of Sex / Broadchurch Crossover Link to Part 3

So sorry for the long wait! Both my co-mod and I have been extremely busy with our personal lives. I’ve come down with the flu and also had to deal with an emergency that led me to move homes so I’ve had my hands very full. But this update became unexpectedly long, so there actually will be one more part to follow! (Though I feel I’ve been saying that for the past two updates already). Also, wow 300 FOLLOWERS! I am FLOORED. Thanks everyone for the support! I hope the newcomers are all enjoying the content here. I’ll also be putting up a navigation page for the blog soon so it’ll be easier to find the fanfics and fanart that we make.

-

Everyone was staring.

It was one of those rare days that Masters had gotten him to agree to get something that vaguely resembled a complete meal for breakfast, yet by the time they had sat down Alec was quickly losing his appetite.

Pushing thin-rimmed spectacles up the bridge of his nose, he pointedly ignored the sticky feeling of several pairs of eyes on him as he perused through the list of fifty or so names and phone numbers in his hand, taunting him.

“Holmes.”

Alec groaned. He was nowhere near cracking this case than he had been a week ago. There had to be something that he was missing!

“Holmes.” A hand shot out to grab his forearm. Alec looked up to Masters’ steel blue eyes lit up with… worry? “I know this serial burglary case has been driving you mad, but you look horrifying. Just, please, eat something.”

Alec blinked blearily at him. “I’m fine, Watson,” he said, mustering up all the vitriol that he could onto that last word.

“That’s doctor Watson to you,” said Masters, on the slight edge of teasing once again. “But in all seriousness, I am an actual doctor, so you better listen to me when I say you need to take better care of yourself.”

Alec snarled. “I bloody hate doctors.”

“And I’m sure they find you an absolute delight to be with.” Masters took a sandwich from Alec’s plate and held it up to his face. “Now, eat.”

There was something about the doctor’s tone that was so commanding, in a way that never failed to grab Alec’s attention. It was always paired by those cold blue eyes and set jaw. Alec could tell he wielded this weapon on more than one occasion. He could picture Masters talking down rivals or even superiors, looking every bit like the prim and proper man that he presented himself to be, the presence of danger in his eyes the only indicator of his vicious intent. Masters probably never had much difficulty in getting anything he wanted.

Damn, Alec thought, And why did this bastard have to be so bloody attractive?

Alec was able to hold down half of his sandwich. He managed to convince Masters that he would finish the rest at a later time at work. Masters looked doubtful, but that seemed to satisfy him enough.

The whispers restarted when they got up from their seats. Alec grit his teeth. Did this town have nothing better to talk about than what other people got up to? He took a deep breath and nearly prayed that Masters hadn’t noticed at all that the entire bloody town thought of them as an item and could not seem to shut up about it.

Masters walked a step ahead of him and opened the door. “Pleasure as always, Mr. Holmes,” he said with a smooth grin. Please, please please don’t notice how other people have been talking about us. Above all, please don’t notice how much I want them to be right.

Alec startled at the hand on his lower back, gently pushing him out the door. He tried to look more relaxed, but he could see Masters had taken note of it.

They stepped out onto the pavement. Alec lingered, not wanting to leave things awkward between them. They spoke at the same time.

“Look—”

“I’m—”

“You first,” Alec said.

“Holmes…” the doctor started, eyes darting around nervously. “You know what? It’s nothing. I enjoyed breakfast today. And your company, um… thank… you for that.”

Alec felt his cheeks warming. “Y-yeah? I mean, alright. It-it’s fine, I—” he could see Masters slightly pursing his lips. “You know people talk, right?”

“I imagine they do little else,” said Masters flatly.

Alec scratched the back of his head. How can he get his message across without sounding too presumptuous? “I mean they—ah, they seem to think that we… are together.”

Masters blinked. “But we are together.”

The blood in Alec’s veins turned to ice. “W-what do you—”

“Right now, we’re here. Standing. Together. Is there something so scandalous about that?”

Alec tried to look for any signs on Masters’ face that he was kidding, but there was none. His brow was furrowed in concentration, mulling over the oddity in Alec’s statement.

“O-oh, you meant—I mean, yes! Yes, we are indeed, um, together.” Crap! He’d completely misread the situation. He scolded himself. Don’t look any more like a bumbling idiot in front of him! What was he even doing? Bringing this up with Masters was a surefire way of sending him running for the hills. Alec internally sighed. What kind of respectable man would want to be associated with a “shitface” disgraced detective? If Masters had any idea that the people of Broadchurch had branded them as the town’s Couple of the Year, he’d never want to see Alec again, much less be seen with him. “I suppose I’m just worried about your um, privacy.”

“My… privacy.”

“Yes! You know how it is in here. Everyone’s always up in other people’s business and—oh, would you look at the time!” He raised his wrist and realized a bit too late that he’d forgotten his watch. “I best get going. This was…” There was no reason to look like a flustered schoolgirl, he told himself. “Great, uh… mate.” And before he could stop himself, his fist bumped dejectedly onto Masters’ arm.

For Christ’s sake.

Masters looked at his miserable excuse for social communication and thankfully said nothing.

“I’ll see you around.” Masters gave his arm a firm squeeze that sent electric jolts straight to his chest cavity and left.

Alec kicked the pavement—and inhaled sharply at the contact and the stabs of pain that coursed up his foot.

 -

Just to add a cherry on top of his already messy, bloody cake, a whole bag of bad news greeted him at work. Cold leads, no new suspects, and inconsistent witness statements. Alec spent the next six hours bent over files and data cards, shutting off all his bodily functions and channeling his energy into coming up with anything that might be able to make sense of this increasingly complex case.

“CCTV brought up nothing, sir,” said Miller, looking not much better than he did. “I searched all night-”

“But that’s impossible!” Alec rifled through his own notes, skimming across messily scrawled witness accounts. “You should able to find that red van on the corner of Ivy and Hodges. Without that, our entire case is just mere speculation!”

“I don’t know what to do, sir. I’m just astounded as you are.”

Alec groaned, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. “We can’t be caught theorising, Miller! We need evidence.”

“Hang on, I’m working on it!” Miller put her hands on her hips, indignant. “Don’t have to make it look like you’ve been doing all the bloody work. You know how many all nighters I’ve put on in this office?”

“I’m not accusing you,” said Alec, rubbing his entire face, trying to keep himself awake. He could feel his mind floating off elsewhere and that was not good.

“All the while you were off gallivanting with Doctor Masters—”

“Do not bring him into this, Miller. He’s got nothing-”

“Oh don’t put that ‘we’re strictly acquaintances’ bullshit on me! I’m happy for you, really I am. And you definitely need to unwind more than all of us here.”

“It’s not bullshit. We’re barely even friends.”

Miller rolled her eyes. Her expression shifted drastically from the hopeless look she sported before. “At this point, it’s not even cute anymore. You’re just being very annoying.”

“Glad to see I haven’t lost my charm.”

Alec raked a hand through his hair, fighting through a pounding headache. “Masters has given no indication whatsoever of him… caring for… in that way. Just let it go, will you?”

A voice from the main entrance halted their conversation.

“Delivery for a… Sherlock Holmes?” The poor delivery girl was holding up a brown paper bag in her arms as she read the card with pure confusion on her face. She flushed. “Oh no. I-I think this may have been a prank. Is anyone of you actually-”

Miller shot a pointed look at Alec, who stood frozen with his mouth open.

“No, luv, not to worry! He’s right here.” said Miller, walking over to free the girl of the package.

Alec briefly snapped out of it enough to process what he was seeing. “H-how much is this?”

“Oh, no, it’s already been paid for by card, Mr. Holmes,” said the relieved girl. “Have a nice day!”

Alec still couldn’t move by the time Miller had brought the paper bag over to him.

“Go on, then. Open it! This is probably the only entertainment I’m getting today.”

Alec glared at her. “Entertainment. Really, Miller, we’re not a soap opera.”

“Hardy, I have had a very long week and things are very bleak right now with the case, so either you open this bag or I open your skull. Your choice.”

Alec opened the bag.

Inside was a box of takeout from one of his favorite Thai restaurants nearby. A sticky note taped on the top read—I’m aware we’re both busy. Consider this my way of buying you lunch. (Finish all of it.) W.

Miller had been reading over his shoulder again.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” Alec said.

“I swear to god. I can’t deal with this right now.” Miller groaned loudly and cradled her head. “God, I need a coffee.” Alec heard her retreating footsteps.

Alec took out the food from the bag, staring at it as if it were on fire. What did all this mean?

The whispers came back full force. Apparently the entire office had a good view over what just occurred. It was clear the package was addressed to Alec, and they could only think of one person who it came from and they, unfortunately, were correct.

Alec grabbed the food and stomped over to his office, slamming the door behind him. He needed to put a stop to this. The situation was getting out of hand. If people got more ideas about him and Masters, it would ruin everything they had at present. Why, oh why did Alec have to always want more than he deserved? Why couldn’t he just be content with what he was given? Why did he have to develop shoddy feelings for the man?

He of course knew the answer to that. Masters was striking. He commandeered a presence in every room he entered. But more than his appearances, he was also interesting. Alec could never quite tell if he was a being a righteous asshole or just plain blunt. He’d only known Masters for five months, but the companionship between them grew with hardly any effort from either side. He was intelligent and funny, often without meaning to. Alec saw him and instantly felt the need to smoothen his suit, or fix his hair and just try his might at keeping up with the brilliance of this man, to impress him somehow. To make any sort of impression on him, really. He orbited around Masters, held in place by a natural gravitational force.

He absolutely cannot ruin this just because of some vastly exaggerated stories from the grapevine. Still, these people showed no sign of slowing down. He resolved to the one thing that was left for him to do: slam on the brakes.

He needed to avoid Dr. William Masters.

 -

The next day was barely any better. They had made no progress with the case, and both Alec and Miller were at their wits’ end trying to piece everything together. Alec hasn’t handled a case as harrowing as this in about a year. He stayed in the office all night so that Miller could go home and check up on her kids. Alec ran through more CCTV footage and transcripts from witness’ statements. He could feel the answer nearing him, almost within his grasp. He just needed to know which direction to take his hands.

Alec downed the rest of his tepid tea. He set the mug down. When did he get two mugs? It was only then that he noticed his vision spinning. He shook his head. There was no time for sleep when the truth was only millimetres away from his fingertips!

The vibrations from his phone woke him back up. He turned to look. Why was Masters calling at this hour?

“What?” His voice was gruff from disuse. He’d been alone in the headquarters for hours now.

“Ah, so you are still at work.” Masters’ voice was infuriatingly proper and formal, as always.

“Did Miller tell you that?”

“Ellie sent me a text saying you’ll be out all night. I see you’ve not had any luck on the case,”

Alec huffed. “Have you come to gloat?”

“Gloating’s not really my style. However, I will share with you the fact that I’ll be accepting an award next week for my groundbreaking research on improved strategies for in vitro fertilization.”

“That hardly sounds impressive, Watson.” It was very impressive.

“If properly adopted, they could increase IVF success rate by up to forty percent.” Alec could sense the excitement radiating off him through the phone. “Fertility treatments used to be so taboo, Holmes. But we live in an age where these conversations have been opened up in the vernacular. If these techniques—these conversations about the human body—could be made more accessible, imagine how many people can live without that social pressure burdening their shoulders, how many women would not be made to feel so-so ashamed of their bodies! This… This age is a turning point, Holmes, I can feel it. And I would like a part in it. Dabble my footsteps in it, so to say.”

“You’ll leave the most impressive footprints,” Alec found himself saying as a fond smile made its way over to his face.

“Will I?” said Masters, a little flirtatious.

There was no one around at the moment. Alec allowed himself to bask in it, his heart only a little bit broken. “Guarantee it. Be a goldmine for Forensics, I say.”

“Well, I’m glad you have so much confidence in me. Not very many people do.”

Alec took a glance at the clock. 2:17 A.M. and no signs of finishing work anytime soon. He took a deep breath—eyes opening in shock as the air rushed into his lungs like knives.

“Is everything alright?”

He clutched at his desk, making feeble attempts at normalizing his breathing, but the panic only grew stronger. His vision was blurring. Masters’ voice on the phone sounded much farther away.

The last thing he registered was the voice from the phone yelling out his name. His name. And then he blacked out.

TO BE CONTINUED

[linkspooky]

Medaka Box top 2-5 because number 1 is obvious

I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT  HOW MUCH I LOVE MY FAVES. IF YOU EVER ASK WANT TO ASK ME WHO MY FAVES ARE FOR A SERIES FEEL FREE TO SEND ME AN ASK.

1. My love was Real - Kumagawa Misogi

No, shush I’m going to talk about Kumagawa Misogi. The only time he gets a chance to be number one is in popularity polls and my faves lists.

 My favorite thing about Medaka Box out of all of Nisioisin’s works is that the weirdoes are not just weirdoes who are accepted as weirdoes, but they’re also challenged to grow more human. 

What I really like about Kumagawa is that he gets his ass kicked constantly. You come to understand just how he developed his broken method of coping and seeing the world, but it’s also something he ultimately has to let go of. The story never lets him win and challenges him to grow. Which is why you end up rooting for Kumagawa because it’s far more interesting seeing him fail sometimes than the main characters succeeding. 

Kumagawa’s just this insane person who seems to be doing whatever he wants, the embodiment of edgy loser characters, but at the same time he’s eventually revealed to be quite human. He’s grounded in basic human desires, he wants to be happy like everybody else, he wants to have security, to protect his friends. It’s that humanity in the character you get attached too. He’s a loser, not because he’s a monster, but because he has so many very human flaws. At the end of the day, for all his flashiness he kind of just acts like a regular good for nothing. 

Underneath it all I see Kumagawa as a character whose broken in kind of an ordinary way. Nisioisin writes a lot about broken geniuses, people who are insane but also talented to some degree. Kumagawa is just like, an average ordinary guy underneath it all that’s been subjected to a shit ton of trauma and noen fo that trauma really made him better as a person and he doesn’t have some kind of special talent to balance it out. Normal people, ugly people, worthless people can be broken too, there’s no such thing as suffering beautifully. And yet, Kumagawa’s still trying to be a person, he’s trying to struggle and do better even though he’s not someone who would ever be the main character of the story. Which is why I think he’s grounded in something really relatable. 

2. I don’t care what fictional characters call me - Ajimu Najimi

Ajimu’s great because she’s literally the most talented, all knowing character in the manga, but in the end she’s just as shitty as Kumagawa. Often I end up liking these two as a pair because they’re just so integral to each other’s character arcs. 

Ajimu is a shitty person. You get all these reasons like she’s actually seven million terminals, or that she’s trillions of years old, but beyond that she clearly has a personality, and that personality is bad. She just doesn’t really care about anybody besides herself. She drags along other people with her whims. 

She’s a mastermind but at the same time she’s kind of just a petty child. For all of her grandiose reasons for manipulating people along, it’s more that Ajimu doesn’t really want to live as a person. There are characters that Nisioisin made up that are like, actually not meant to be human but some incomprehensible entity. Like, the story goes out of its way to say that Yodzuru isn’t human. In Monogatari, oddities and aberrations are not meant to be human, they’re meant to be inhuman and different. But Ajimu always struck me as a character written to be human underneath it all. Her constant announcing of “I’m a non-human” is just kind of her running away that psychologically, she’s still pretty much a human despite her weird origin story. 

Which is why my favorite part about her is how little she actually knows about being a human. She understands people like they’re toys to move around in her toybox, or roles in a script but you get the sense she doesn’t get them as like, thinking, feeling entities separate from herself. She doesn’t really understand love, or friendship or anything like that, and she doesn’t want to bother to learn anyway because she already knows everything. Ajimu literally has the script handed to her, and yet like Medaka says, she doesn’t know anything. She has to start all the way from the beginning. 

3. So let’s get married! Marry me, Marry me, Marry me! - Emukae Mukae

I used to hate Yanderes until I met Emukae. One of the differences I noticed is that Emukae is definitely not written to be anybody’s fantasy. She’s her own character all throughout. Which is what i disliked about most yanderes to begin wtih, they were always obsessed with some dude, but like never as a flaw or a character arc it was supposed to be appealing and not ugly. 

Emukae is very ugly when she’s introduced, and we get to see her just like Kumagawa work her way back into being a human being again. The reason she has to let go of her romantic feelings is because she was using them to entirely define who she was, which is why her personality appears so shallow at first. 

By the end of the manga Emukae is probably the character besides Kumagawa who has changed and developed the most, and another thing is that she does this without really abandoning parts of her presonality. Emukae is still a minus towards the end, she’s still manic at times, she just doesn’t use love as a substitute for everything anymore because she’s learned to grow an identity outside of that. She’s kind of growing into her own person over the course of the manga instead of attaching herself to either Kumagawa or Zenkichi to define who she was. 

4. I’ll become the main character - Zenkichi Hitoyoshi

Zenkichi is a send up to classic shonen protags and a subversion of them at the same time. He’s the guy who never gives up, who always makes friends, and who tries to earn everything with training, effort, and hard work. I admit a lot I like about Zenkichi is his foiling with Kumagawa (Kumagawa existing as his shadow, Zenkichi’s hard work is always rewarded, and Kumagawa’s is never rewarded). 

However, there is something unique about the character himself. That is, getting stronger never actually gets Zenkichi what he wants. Despite being the main male lead, he almost never technically wins any fights. He wins against Munakata at the beginning but that’s about it. He’s actually usually the weakest character in the group and surrounded by super strong women.

What’s interesting about Zenkichi as a protag is that his arc isn’t about gaining strength, but actually letting go of the idea of gaining strength. He wins against Medaka in the end not by beating her in a fight, but because he’s better at making connections with other people than she is. He finds his place eventually in learning to make connections with others rather than building his entire life around protecting Medaka. 

5. I’ll kill you - Munakata Kei

Munakata is fun, because he’s an interesting character concept. Every time he looks at a person he wants to kill them. Unlike Hitoshiki Zerozaki, rather than choosing to give into this urge he’s actually spent his whole life fighting against it. Which is what makes him unique, he’s basically every other serial killer that Nisioisin has ever written (a serial killer, but they’re lonely) but this time he hasn’t actually killed anybody.

Which under the surface makes him feel like much more of a normal dude. He’s actually a very human person who just happened to be born with a weird obsession with killing people. I guess one thing that makes me like this character so much is I’ve seen similiar attempts to make this character work with the same concept, but they all come off as unrelatable and weird. 

Munakata is a fully fleshed out character. He wants to have friends, wants to fight for those friends. He sometimes get self righteous. He’s serious and straight laced. He’s overprotective of those friends. He just also happens to be constantly seeking out a reason to kill someone. Munakata is even mentioned to have a bad attitude on purpose. His showdown with Kumagawa is also one of my favorite scenes in the manga, with the two of them fighting with their contrasting philosophies. 

It feels like the fact that he wants to murder every single person he meets is just an asterisk on his character, instead of having his entire character built around that fact. Which is fun. He’s actively resisting becoming the murderer who kills people for no reason because they’re obsessed with killing people trope, and it gives him a satisfactory arc over the story. Also, once again how normal he is is just fun, the second he did finally kill someone his first response was to just walk to the police station. What a dude. 

[dxmedstudent]

Dx’s Dating Tips: What Not To Compromise on.

Basic respect. Watch how they treat you, and how they treat the people around you. Don’t tolerate rudeness, disrespect and lack of consideration. You deserve someone who is thoughtful and cares how you feel. Personally, I thought someone cancelling dates was fine, if given notice and a plausible reason; life happens. Same with transport issues; these things happen, as long as they aren’t a regular habit, it’s fair enough. But things like not being given notice, or being ghosted? Not forgivable. This extends to their conduct in terms of ghosting. I didn’t mind people ghosting me, because they have a right to decide it’s not working out for them. But I did not tolerate people who ghost you then come back after two months to see if you are still interested, as if nothing happened. I’m sorry, I write back after 13h shifts, and even write back polite messages when rejecting people. Please, sweethearts, don’t accept someone treating you like you don’t matter. There will always be people out there who can treat you with respect.

Don’t accept being treated as a last minute addition. This also extends to people who e trying to plan the first few dates but just... don’t give you any notice. There’s at least one guy I never met because they kept on just messaging last minute to meet that same evening. The conversation would be promising, they’d know that I’m a busy woman who needs to plan ahead, and yet I wouldn’t hear anything about when to meet until like 8pm on a Saturday when they’d cheekily ask “Are you free this evening?”. Well, no, I’ve already made plans and if they in any way wanted to genuinely meet, they could try scheduling it in wth a few days’ notice. This goes for people of all genders; give people time to plan their lives, and expect to be given the same courtesy.

Don’t accept being a booty call unless that is all you want out of it.  If you want casual; great! Make sure you are both on the same page so nobody gets hurt. Be honest with others, but also with yourself; you can’t make someone fall in love with you or give you a relationship if all they want is sex; the only person who will fall will be you. Don’t tell someone who wants FWB that you’re happy with that when in your heart you want the white dress and two kids and a lifetime together. They won’t budge. You’ll get your heart broken. I’ve seen this happen, and I’ve seen good friends spend years pining over someone who is distant and barely a FWB who won’t commit to even being in a relationship, let alone what my friend wants. 

Regular contact. Everyone’s busy, but you can assume that if someone hasn’t messaged for more than a week or so, you’ve been ghosted. It’s polite in online dating terms to reply to a message after a day or two; people are usy, but nobody wants to be left hanging for days.Same for when people first start dating; you don’t necessarily need daily epic phone calls or message threads; people are busy. But if someone is interested they will want you to think of them, and they will want to be on your radar. They will want to make plans with you as a priority; not necessarly over their friends and family (nor should they), but you won’t be last on a long list, either. Bear in mind that people who swing by occasionally every week or two (or even more infrequenty) aren’t prioritising you. I used to find it so sad when a friend of mine would wait something like 3 weeks for their barely FWB to message them back; after which they’d quickly suggest meeting up for dinner and sex, then... nothing again for 3 weeks. Rinse and repeat. My friend wanted a lot more, but it turned into a neverending cycle of anxiety (”what should I message him? What if he doesn’t reply? Do you think he’ll see me again?”) that ultimately caused more pain than pleasure. They deserved so much better than that, and you do, too.

Never put in more effort than you’re getting back. You shouldn’t be chasing anyone; if they like you they will want to reply enthusiastically. They’ll want to make regular plans to meet. They’ll be considerate about what you want to do, and when you can meet.  They will care about what would make you happy.

If you’re a woman, in particular, never trust a man who doesn’t take into account your personal safety; if you’re meeting late, they should care that you’ve got a safe way to get home. They should think about whether you are comfortable being out that late. They should be respectful of the fact that they might still be earning your trust and that you might not be fully comfortable around them yet. I used to get frustrated by perfectly decent men joking about how the first date is the “obligatory meet in a coffee shop to prove I’m not a serial killer date” after which it’s straight back to their flat for dates. Like... making me comfortable and letting me feel safe is not a tick box gesture to be rushed through so you can get me alone, it really matters to me.  Bold of you to think it takes me just one hour over coffee to decide you’re definitely not a serial killer. You might be like a foot taller than me and have twice the muscle, I need to be able to feel safe and respected and comfortable with you. I need to feel that you understand consent and see me as a person. You’ll earn my trust when I decide, and I appreciate not being pressured to meet somewhere private where the other party has an advantage after meeting for like an hour.  I think someone suggesting going back to theirs is fine but there clearly shouldn’t be any pressure for ‘more private’ dates early on in the dating process, unless the other party makes it clear that they’d like to be alone with you.

Don’t rush. Some dating sites suggest meeting ASAP to avoid wasting time if there is no chemistry. I recommend being more relaxed; meet people when you feel ready, not when other people tell you to meet them. Don’t be rushed; you’ll know when you feel comfortable to meet someone. I found that messaging people for a little while meant that when we did meet, there was more to talk about and I felt more comfortable because I knew people a little better. If you run out of things to talk about on the first date because you messaged for a few days longer, then you were always going to struggle to hold a conversation with that person.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Some people are very good at saying all the right things - 'oh yeah, I want kids and marriage like right now ... and I love you'. Intimacy takes time, and nobody who is serious is going to rush into commitment lightly. An honest person rarely promises anything, because they know what it means to keep a promise. However, people can, and do, promise anything when they have no intention of delivering. I’ve known people actually say “He told me he loved me after the second date, and he said he’s fine if I get pregnant because we don’t use condoms, he’d love to be a dad”. Sis, it’s date 2. No sensible man has two dates and decides he’s ready to father your children and get married. Be careful and don’t rush into anything with a person you really actually don’t know. I know infatuation and wanting the best things to happen are both one hell of a drug, but please try to keep your head screwed on. Sometimes people try to sweep others off their feet because they know the other party will fall in love and then be easier to manipulate. Actions speak louder than words, so take your time and make sure that anyone you date is following through on what they tell you they will do. And if it becomes clear they have no intention of keeping their word, then you know what to do. Be honest about what you want and look for honesty in return.This applies to everything. Be cautious, but approach things with a spirit of cautious optimism; bad things are out there, and you want to be able to spot them.

Never settle. There are so many people out there you could meet and potentially love. You deserve far better than settling for someone you don’t even like. Yes, in real life people are human and nobody’s perfect. Even a good potential partner will have flaws and weaknesses; all couples have disagreements or things they don’t see eye to eye on. But overall, you should genuinely like and care about the person you are seeing, and feel that you get along with them well. And that you can raise things with them without it turning into a massive blowout row. You know what? My married friends don’t live a different life from my friends cheerfully ‘living in sin’; both types generally seem to have solid partnerships with the odd misunderstanding or argument, but overall make a good team.  Marrying didn’t make my friends’ relationships any different; they had to be strong and compatible to begin with. There is no prize for getting married; the prize is the person. If the person isn’t that great, wellp, what are you doing marrying them? Although I can’t quite disabuse myself of the romantic notion that marriage would be a lovely thing (Ugh, there’s a romantic somewhere inside me after all), I really do resent how important it is viewed as. Because people feel pressured to tick a box, rather than pick a person.

Only date because you want to. Not because your friends all paired up and tell you that you need a girlfriend. Not because your mum is worried you'll end up alone. Not because you feel like that's what everyone else does when they are your age. Many of my friends have gone through long periods being single; I can’t even describe myself as an oddity. Generally in society? Yes, that’s probably freakish. But in medical circles? We seem to have the wholes singleton thing going on, as a cohort.  Date because you want to meet prospective partners; whether flings or something more serious; whatever rocks your boat. It can be a fun pasttime or full of anxiety and stress; it depends very much on what you get out of it. Be prepared; it can shake your self-esteem by digging up feelings about why previous relationships didn’t work, or all the times you felt rejected and unloved. There will be rejection; that’s an interent part of dating; online or otherwise. Dating makes being single feel more raw, somehow, because you’re making the effort to look and acknowledging you want something different at this point in time. So you have to be ready and in the right mindset to weather it.

You always have the right to change your mind. If someone is not right for you, it is better to be gently honest. It’ll be sad and one or both of you might feel hurt, but it’ll turn out for the best. Staying with someone because you are afraid to hurt their feelings is ultimately not fair on them or yourself.

You don’t have to meet anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Only talk to people who you are enjoying talking to. Only agree to meet people who you genuinely want to meet. Occasionally, I’d realise someone made me uncomfortable and I just couldn’t bring my self to meet them and then I would feel really guilty about it, even if I dreaded the thought of meeting them or they gave me awkward creepy vibes. You don’t need to feel guilty for just not wanting to meet someone. If someone seems nice enough but you just aren’t interested, be polite. Imagine how many rejections everyone gets. But you don’t need to see them out of pity. I didn’t want people to feel like nobody ever replied, so I tried to respond to the reasonable looking people. I found that plenty of guys were very sweet about the polite rejections I sent out. I didn’t bother being quite so heartfelt with the copy pasted “hello gorgeosuee ;)” people, but then, with such low effort, I didn’t think they’d expect much, and honestly I didn’t want to reward poor behaviour. Whereas when it came to people who wrote really nice messages, I wanted them to realise that they were doing really well. And if anyone gives you the creeps, listen to that instinct. sure, you might miss out on someone great, but that’s better than meeting someone feeling like you’re about to get murdered, or finding that the creepy vibes you were picking up were right. Absolutely use your blocking privileges if you have to. Report anyone who is inappropriate. You have every right to feel safe.

[floatingcatacombs]

In Praise of the Blonde Twink who May or May Not be a Trans Girl

12 Days of Aniblogging, Day 3

There’s been something in the air recently. Last year, the New York Times’ fashion magazine published an article titled “Welcome to the Age of the Twink”, a 600-word LGBT hitpiece arguing that a new wave of “art twinks” are redefining what it means to be an ideal male. The author argues that the term “twink” is being broadened past just gay culture and we should slap it on every slim attractive straight white dude that we see in order to overturn toxic masculinity. Because there’s nothing more revolutionary than, er, fairly conventional western beauty standards.

The internet promptly responded by shitting on the author’s brazen attempt to export twinkness to the straight world. I too think it’s an awful take, but I get the feeling there was a satirical bend to the article that got edited out or otherwise miscommunicated. After all, the author is a gay man; why would he misrepresent and diminish his own community like that?

The broadening and appropriation of LGBT terminology is a touchy subject, so I’ll save it for another day. If taking gay terminology and morphing it into new definitions is en vogue nowadays, I’m happy to join ranks with Nick Haramis and add new meanings to “twink”. Let’s talk about twinks as Schrodinger’s trans girls.

Unfortunately, I have a type when it comes to media, and it’s twinks who I can project transness onto if I desire it. These characters are beacons of androgyny, male-at-birth characters with some connection to femininity via their appearance or their actions. Often, this connection is left unclear by the end of their series, leaving plenty of room for me to imagine “OK so they’re totally gonna be a girl for real now”. This archetype has proven a very useful crutch for me over the years. For so long, media about cis femininity was too intimidating and distant for me to even dream of consuming. During that time, I read lots of manga and played lots of games starring androgynes, allowing myself to project onto them as well as project their character onto girlhood. (see where this leads by transitive property?) Also, a lot of them were blonde (I’m not gonna read into this! My hair is closer to brown tho). With that out of the way, let me rip my heart open and highlight some of those twinks that I’ve latched so strongly onto throughout the years.

 Kuranosuke from Princess Jellyfish

I’ve written a whole writeup on Kuranosuke, so if you’ve read that you should know where I’m coming from! Kuranosuke is graced with natural femininity and a desire to perform it, and lands himself into a situation where he must pass on a daily basis while designing fashion for the girls of the Amars house. Kuranosuke’s crossdressing is both effortless and extremely laborious, but it always pays off.

Kaito from Himegoto: Juukyuusai no Seifuku

Himegoto is one of the messiest mangas I’ve ever read. Three characters spiral around each other while desperately trying to negotiate their orientations, gender presentations, and livelihoods with each other and with themselves. Kaito is the standout for me – a ‘guy’ who crossdresses in a desperate attempt to ‘mirror’ his ideal image of femininity. Kaito radiates extremely eggy energies, and it’s increasingly obvious as the plot goes on that all his justification is elaborate smoke and mirrors for his desire to simply be a woman. He begins by projecting his feminine ideals onto his tomboyish friend, but by the end of the manga it all comes collapsing back onto himself. The epilogue leaves it rather ambiguous, but one can only hope that Kaito figured it all out by then. 

Alucard from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night  

Symphony of the Night is one of my favorite Castlevanias and maybe games of all time. I’ve always been in love with its hand-in-hand elegance and jankiness. Unlike Kaito and Kuranosuke, we’re going to have to stretch out of the canon to justify this placement, but I assure you it will be worth it. In Symphony of the Night, Alucard is a tall deep-voiced bishounen and that’s that. However, the eva problems classic “YOUR ASSHOLE DAD’S CASTLE IS BACK AGAIN” adds a sickening new twist onto the game: what if Alucard wanted to be a woman? This article retraces the full plot and route of SOTN, adding extra backstory and inner thoughts showing Alucard’s visceral bodily discomfort and twisted-up jealousy towards the female monsters of the castle. Eventually, she takes those terrifying first steps towards accepting oneself as a woman. It’s one of the most effective recontextualizations of a piece of media that I’ve ever read, and I’m not afraid to admit that it reassured and helped me with my own transition a few months down the line. Plus, the idea of Alucard But A Girl is somewhere near my ideal aesthetic. 

Ryo Asuka from Devilman

--devilman spoilers--

Ryo is a bit of an oddity. A total weirdo, he doesn’t particularly demonstrate femininity throughout most of the series beyond just being kind of fluffy and cute in the 80s OVAs. However, this all changes in some of the final chapters, when Ryo is revealed to be Satan in disguise. Though every Devilman adaptation has a very different artstyle, Satan’s designed has remained the same: an androgynous fallen angel possessing both breasts and a penis. There’s a lot of associations and implications to unpack there, but I’m not going to do that in this article! While it doesn’t necessarily recontextualize Ryo’s human existence, he sure still is a twink with some Gender happening around him.

  Venus from We Know The Devil

Ok, this one’s just a girl! No questions about it! Someone get her some hugs and a bottle of estradiol, stat!

Honorable Mentions:

Raiden from Metal Gear Solid 2

As much as I love slapping the “GIRL” label onto any blonde twink I can find, Raiden’s MGS2 arc of intense emasculation works way better if he's actually a guy. If there’s any further gender stuff happening with Raiden, it’s actually to be found in MGS4 and Metal Gear Rising, in which Raiden sheds his twinkish flesh to become a way more masc cyborg ninja. As The Cyborg Manifesto teaches us, cyborgs are one hell of a post-gender tool. Honestly, reading Raiden as FTM may work way better than parsing him as a trans girl, I just don’t have the specific background and ability to do that headcanon justice.

Lio Fotia from Promare

Promare was maybe the first time I saw a blonde twink character and didn’t  immediately think it might be better if they were a girl. Amidst all its discussions of immigration, racism, and climate change, Promare finds time to be real gay, in a delightfully masc4fem way. Together, Lio and Galo stretch the full spectrum of male presentation, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from them.

 So that’s that! I hope you enjoyed the lineup of twinks who are dear to my heart, and maybe learned a thing or two from my ramble at the start.