#also i wish we got a side film about the lesbian couple

[inkmaze]

rewatching big eden w my head in my hands. wheres more media where the surrounding background is so devoid of homophobia/etc that its so chill to just have this quiet gay story w/o a single scene incl them having to justify or explain themselves, or any degree of hatred at them or other gays. n the town is not only chill they're actively trying to help them get together I'm. this aired in 2000 how do we not have. idk. more shit like this truly pretty casual chill regular relationship issues gay media

[twig-tea]

GL odds and ends 20 October 2024

Still feeling out how regularly it makes sense to do this; first one was 2 weeks ago on 6 October. If you're interested in GL older than that, check out my GL rec list through Feb 2024 and my update in July 2024. New series marked with an asterisk*.

Currently airing (with thoughts up to Oct 6):

Reverse 4 U 7/8 (Thai, Tuesdays 1:00 PM EDT, Netflix / YouTube) I'm disappointed by how this final arc has gone. We haven't really seen any growth for Wa, and the whole plot with Wa and Vivi's father didn't really make sense. I really don't understand why he had to stay away, or why the rules are so different for him than for Wa. The relationship between Wa and Four also feels flat because we've barely seen them together. I was rooting for this one but alas.

Unlock Your Love ep 6/8 (Thai, Wednesdays, GagaOOLala / YouTube [cut version]) The sequence where Rain and Love keep trying to have sex but getting interrupted/hurt was very funny; this show still drags but the core of it is pretty good. I mostly just wish it were tighter.

Chaser Game W s2 ep 5/8 (Japanese, Thursdays 12:30 PM EDT, GagaOOLala) @lurkingshan is already doing a great summary of this week to week in her JQL weekly round-up!

Affair the series ep 8/8 END (Thai, Fridays 11:15 AM EDT, iQIYI/ YouTube) Other than the jealousy in the last 10 minutes of the show, I really did like this ending for the series. I really liked Wan's decision to take time for herself after being disappointed by Pleng's decision again. The plot and melodramatic-ness of this show is not my favourite, but I enjoyed it week to week in spite of that. The acting was so solid, the women so gorgeous, the chemistry so fire, and the writing was great for the genre its in (the story was internally consistent and coherent, and the characters were complex and their motivations were clear. There was even a good plot reason for the 'they might be siblings' twist). If you don't mind melodrama, give this one a try!

*Pluto ep 1/12 NEW (Thai, Saturdays 9:30 AM EDT, YouTube) Starting off with a fantastic kiss and Namtan on a motorcycle is truly an incredible opening gambit. That being said, I don't buy the core premise of the plot and it is making it difficult for me to actually enjoy the show. I'll probably be mostly quiet about this one because the things I don't like about it aren't actually about its execution but rather my taste.

*Apple My Love ep 2/7 NEW (Thai, Saturdays 11:45 AM EDT, GagaOOLala and YouTube) I already shouted on main about ep1 here; so far I'm obsessed with this show. Kris is too gay to function, and the misunderstanding is perfectly executed. Very excited for this one, it's so far fantastic.

The Loyal Pin ep 12/16 (Thai, Sundays 12:15 PM EDT, YouTube) Anin's speech in this episode was fire. I feel for these girls, Anin and Pin are just so desperate to be together and their choices are limited. This show continues to be gorgeous and so well done, and I keep bracing for pain.

Red Whisper ep 4/8 (Korea, [schedule is kinda unpredictable; vaguely every 5 days??], YouTube) Cheating and taking advantage while your crush is heartbroken and drunk is not my fave but is par for the course with these SukFilm short series; my fave so far has been their first GL so if you haven't seen that yet I'd honestly recommend that instead.

Recent One-offs & Side Couples

We finally got the sapphic backstory in The Hidden Moon but it was (as expected) sad and mostly inferred.

We also got more of the Aim as a Lesbian plotline in the new Love Sick 2024 remake (this was not a plotline in the 2014 version and it's one of the changes I really like and that I think works really well)

Sastra film app YouTube channel has several short Cambodian GL series that come out weekly Honestly they are not to my taste but I don't like gatekeeping GL especially from smaller markets. I check in on these time to time and if there are any that I think are great I'll give them a shout-out

Ditto above with JPC media YouTube channel for Thai GL shorts if there are any that stand out to me I'll say so

Starting soon:

The Nipple Talk, [ensemble] Taiwanese, 1 November GagaOOLala

My Ex's Wedding [in theatres in Thailand 14 November]

Mom Ped Sawan, Thai, 17 November [international distribution uncertain; it should be on VIPA app with subs, but that is region-locked]

Petrichor, Thai, 23 November, TBD

[pluralsword]

you know we were going to making an Optimus out of Earthrise Elita and post with the line "freedom is the right of all sentient beings including the right to shellform" and are still going to, but wow wasn't really expecting an Optimus toy who effectively has g1 Arcee back stacks while having a mix of Jazz and IDW Arcee proportions to drop as the main studio series Optimus for the new movie- and are just thinking 'wow, 40 years was really something.' gonna see if we can make a truck Arcee at some point or if we're lucky/given enough time, a trailer fills out a light bus alt. all issues with thigh paint scraping from the hips are no longer a problem for us personally

Aren't they adorable... if you had told us two canon forms of a non-trans duo occasional m/f couple would be able to hold their back stacks like this in their toy form before we held Studio Transformers One Optimus in our hands we would have replied '?being able to do this with more than canon lesbians (who themselves desperately need to have more easily available toys)? yeah, I wish.' Dying with joy - living with joy

(also these two in the photo could still be wlw for all we know given the fact there are two gal Optimus Primes so far in canon)

btw can we get a gal and/or genderfluid Jazz in a show or film or game, please and thank you. so close for the former to happen in Cyberverse before she got cut from it

but yeah. revisiting the thing of hey so what if we got Elita and Optimus as lesbians in media we'd love that. I mean now that we think of it Blackarachnia was in the Yellow Order led by Splendid... clearly BW-based Blackarachnia but still... (and also Splendid would never have left Elita behind like that even if it meant crossing Sentinel, at least that's what we think anyways)

some personal trans stuff under the cut

To us, personally, there's something - something deeply joyful about this happenstance of designs overlapping. Especially given how intertwined Arcee and Jazz's stories have been with Optimus over the years, and Arcee's been subject to so much debate out the wazoo about her body- and for there to be an Optimus who has a variety of two Arcee iterations' body traits on top of being very curvy for an Optimus really gave a sense of, I don't know- euphoria? Peace? Feeling accidentally seen? Vindication that the body is doable with a bot mode without much of a fuss? We already knew that from the excellent action figure as in one of the most possible transformers ever ER Arcee, or from Cyberverse Warrior Dead End who's basically a G1-esque Arcee in red with bulky long ankles and a wider chest like IDW1 Arcee, or you know, the fact that speaking of the former, Legacy Elita is an excellent retool choice if you're not going to go for even more accuracy by retooling a Datsun mold to have side of the chest with lights instead form back stacks? But from Optimus of all bots...

We already loved the movie, which has been really good for Elita and there's so much about it we love (the trains. the trains!) but there's a deep happiness we're feeling this fall we haven't felt in a long time. Maybe it's partially the realignment of our life, but it's also - the beauty of transformation and variation we get to share with so many people (and not just in the transformers sense) so poetically comparable to the long journey transformers has had and is still having.

Maybe there's a part of us that's trying to be wiser by trying to get every once of happiness we can out of some lovingly designed (if you follow the toy designers on instagram it's clear they have excitement about what they do) off-shore factory mass produced plastic we got on discount while weighing other things, but that part of us is also playful scifi loving inner child who got to figure out via the adults within us that she's trans and doesn't ever want to let go of what for her is the stuff of life in a larger world of embracing with how much we don't know.

There's also just for those of us for whom Arcee's trans journeys (she's had multiple in canon, and then there's well, having a trans fan read of any other ones before, during, or after if you want or in the case of during and after tracing where the trans iterations impacted others) resonates very strongly there's something deeply relieving about getting to see the bot who is literally the face of transformers (aside from you know, the Autobrand being based on Prowl lmao), actually look more than a bit like her for once.

'Til All Are One, in pluralistic autonomy, journeying manyfold in all the forms and expressions that feel good to oneself

[drowningparty]

Recent WLW/GL Series Guide

Going to start a compendium for all things wlw but until then, so everyone is in the loop, will recommend some recently completed and currently airing shows I think people should check out:

Lulu (2022, Philippines) A really great, feel-good show, low budget and a little ridiculous but I love the main couple so much! Watched this with a friend and we both really appreciated how real they and their relationship felt, you could tell this show was made with love. A young woman decides to get away from it all following a break-up, deleting her social media and taking over her family’s sleepy beachside B&B, only to fall for her one-and-only guest, a mysterious tomboy with a pet cactus. When the pandemic hits, they are forced to spend lockdown alone together. 8 episodes, about 30 minutes.

Sleep With Me (2022, Philippines) Excellent series about two young women navigating dating and disability. Love, love, love that they do not exist in isolation, and that their relationship isn’t their entire world, they have friends and families and a job, and how very clear it is they love each other. Also the disabled wlw rep really got me as a disabled wlw its hard out there this series was so important to me. 6 episodes, about 30 minutes each.

Pearl Next Door (2020, Philippines) Spin-off GL webseries featuring a side character from a more popular BL series, filmed like a video blog as the main character, Pearl, navigates dating during lockdown. Very bubbly, bright, but I just felt like I was eavesdropping on a private video chat and couldn’t get into it myself.

Chasing Sunsets (2020, Philippines) Another low budget GL webseries about women falling in love during lockdown, but darker than the last one, deals with  heavy mental health themes, content warnings are on the tin, meant to be educational as well as entertaining.

BetCin (2021, Philippines) An internet famous couple on the verge of a break-up have to pretend to still be in love to win a #relationshipgoals award with a 10 million pesos reward. Still need to watch this but I’ve heard it’s not very good, too L-Word and behind a paywall. Romcom. 8 episodes.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (2022, Korean) New mini-series which fast became a favourite about the dynamic between an aunt and a niece, both lesbians, who both end up working at the same women-only book cafe/bar, the Dickenson Room. Both are at very different places in their life, with the outgoing young niece a popular university student, easily falling in and out of relationships and open about her sexuality, while the shy, beautiful, but intensely private aunt has long been nursing a crush on the same woman, but is afraid she may be straight / not interested. Both help each other navigate romantic relationships, as well as being closeted to their extended family. 5 episodes, 11-16 minutes each.

Our Relationship Ended Before It Began (2022, Korean) Very cute mini-series, an overworked barista develops a crush on her tomboyish boss, doesn’t know what to do about it. Extremely sweet, but too short!

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (2022, Korean) Fun little mini-series, but too short! They are working on funding a season 2. Episodes only 5-9 minutes long, and only 5 altogether, but worth a watch. Two university students, one outgoing, one shy, have to pretend to be in a relationship for a psychology project,  decide to try dating for real.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (2023, Korean) 5 episodes, 6-7 minutes, mini-series follows lesbians in a small bar in South Korea. Loved this one, very sweet, very realistic, wish the episodes were a little longer / we got more but really love what we get, good representation of different relationships and dynamics, and also has two butches/toms! The head bartender is wonderful, helps tie together different, unconnected stories.

Love Tech (2021, Korean) Started strong but lost me by the end. Still, it might be your cup of tea! A short black mirror-esque exploration of a dating service that dictates your life, including when and where and how often you go on dates and when your relationship ends. Two women try to game the system.

Nevertheless (2021, Korean) They aren’t the main characters but there is a very sweet best friends to lovers side plot between two female students at this art college which is so good I don’t think anyone should miss it. If you, like me, have no interest in the main plot, there are also compilations available online of just their scenes which I highly recommend, and gives you a movie-length show all your own. Explores coming out a little too, in a quiet way. It’s an art school.

My Fairy Ghost (2022, Japan) Only 4 episodes but really well done. A young novelist struggling to find inspiration for her next novel meets and falls in love with the ghost of an artist who needs her help. Excellent content, liked and subscribed, beautifully done. Loved this!

Six Survivors (2022, Japan) 6 episodes, 24 mins each. Contemporary scifi romcom with young zombie survivors taking cover in a mall and trying to ride out the worst of the apocalypse. Extremely cute, has some gay + bisexual female characters and a love triangle between three of them. There is a little blood and a few supporting characters become zombies, but very light on the actual horror, mostly a character study. Pretty fun.

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (2022-2023, Japan) 12 episode first season, second season currently airing, anime, really great series for sci-fi fans even if you know nothing about the franchise (I went in blind and had no trouble), entire first season available on youtube w/ subs, and the dub has just started airing if you prefer dubs. Two girls at a dueling mobile suit school in space become engaged, start a company, and learn about the horrors of war. Not to be missed. (cw: violence, gore, murder, doppelgangers, psychological abuse, childhood trauma, death of family members, child endangerment.)

The Executioner and Her Way of Life (2022, Japan) Another anime that aired last year, 12 episodes, a joy for fans of unhinged, violent women slowly falling in love. The plot is contrived, but good for fans of adventure fantasy. Basically: a magic assassin / priestess is told she has to end the life of an isekai’d girl who can magically control time before she becomes too powerful. It doesn’t help that the girl she’s trying to assassinate falls in love with her, and seems to be impossible to kill, no matter how hard she tries. Contains a nice twist halfway through which made me love their dynamic. (cw: murder, gaslighting, backstabbing, manipulation, bullying.)

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady (2023, Japan) 12 episodes, 20-25 mins each, extremely gay and breezy fantasy comedy drama! A young princess who gave up the throne steals her brother’s fiancee so she can have an assistant for her magical experiments. Very fun, contains magic and a vampire. If you enjoy it, there’s also a light novel / manga.

Yuri Is My Job! (2023, Japan) Recently started airing anime based on the manga, gay schoolgirls work at a themed cafe where they pretend to be gay schoolgirls, everyone is putting on an act and everyone is into someone who is into someone else, a light comedy that purportedly gets more dramatic as it goes.

I’m In Love with the Villainess (2023, Japan) also translated as I Favour the Villainess, currently airing anime adaptation of a yuri manga, kind of unique for having a protagonist who self-identifies as a lesbian and there’s even a fairly frank discussion of sexuality in an early episode. Anyway, it’s got magic and a pseudo-historic setting (it’s in a video game, and, as I have mentioned, there’s magic). Should have 12 episodes, around 20-24 minutes each.

Mayonaka Punch (2024, Japan) currently ongoing summer anime that wasn’t sold as yuri but definitely. feels pretty yuri, I think if you like gl anime you’ll enjoy this one, it’s very fun and silly, stars a cancelled youtuber and the definitely-a-lesbian-vampire who’s obsessed with drinking her blood forming a whole... vampire polycule of girl vampire youtubers. I don’t know. It’s fun and cute and ridiculous so far. Definitely recommend it if any of this sounds appealing.

She Loves To Cook, She Loves To Eat (2023-2024, Japan) Slice-of-light, slow-paced, wholesome drama about two working, independent women who live in the same apartment complex and meet by chance. One of them loves cooking, but has no one to cook for. The other loves eating. A slow but believable, tender story about slowly falling in love over a shared love of food, would be good for fans of cooking shows as cooking is a big focus. One is just beginning to realise she’s a lesbian. 10 episodes, about 14-15 mins each. Longer second season airing now!

Chaser Game W (2024, Japan) 8 episodes, each 23-24 mins. Former girlfriends, broke-up years ago, now one of them hates the other, modern office romance, high drama, lot of tension, surprising amount of fluff for how angsty it is, one of them is married with a kid, this is a wild ride start to finish but very enjoyable if you don’t mind the fact the main couple never actually talk no one ever talks there’s no talking just a couple that’s very cute being put into a series of situations.

Ayaka is in love with Hiroko! (2024, Japan) will have 8 episodes, currently airing on gagaoolala, a streaming service I've always loved and supported and I highly recommend supporting if you can afford it. First episode is free! Contemporary office romcom based on a manga where a notorious womanizer things a younger coworker who keeps flirting with her is straight, and has no idea she's flirting...? but it is obvious she is flirting. Already hilarious, cute, can't wait to see where this one goes, great chemistry between the leads.

Stupid Wife (2022, Brazil) A woman wakes up after forgetting the last ten years of her life to find herself married to a woman she remembers hating in college with a child. Serious drama, has some darker moments, but with tender moments mixed in, you get to watch them slowly fall in love again. Completed. 8 episodes, 20-30 mins each.

Legend of Yunze (2021-2022, China) A really excellent wuxia featuring two women who fall in love, magic and demons and swordfights. The spin-off series which followed earlier this year, where they are re-incarnated in the modern day and fall in love there as well, also really delightful, and a translation of the second series is now available on youtube. (If you enjoyed this, definitely check out Legend of Yun Qian as well! It’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen and pure candy.)

Led Astray By Love (2022, China) Isekai where a woman from the modern day gets transported into the manhua she’s reading, falls in love with a politically-ambitious woman she initially believes is mute, who fears she may be a spy. Really funny, tooth-rottingly sweet, with a convuluted plot and bitesize episodes that fly by, I loved every minute of it.

Couple of Mirrors (2021, China) First season completed, but renewed for a second. Historical Chinese drama set in the 1920s about an assassin and a famous author whose lives become entangled following a murder. Mainstream, so heavily censored version of a very gay novel/manga, so keep that in mind, but it’s very clear they’re in love and surprisingly domestic near the end. (Murder mystery / police procedural focus since they’re not legally allowed to kiss, so usual cw apply: violence, murder, child endangerment.)

The Vampires (2022, China) Two young women investigate an old haunted ship and find its full of undead with complicated pasts. Very gay in a heavily censored way, surprisingly brilliant special effects and action scenes, fast-paced and engaging. 40 mins. (cw: fantasy violence, blood.)

Nü Er Hong (2023, China) Complete. Mini-series with very short episodes compiled into one hour long video w/ subs, chaotic good fun for fans of wuxia gl with sci-fi/fantasy elements, they are witch/demon/vampires from space? timeless and in love? I am biased b/c I am personally in love with Wang Laoji and women doing martial arts/being gay, but this is a fun one, if you can follow the slightly confusing plot. If you liked Legend of Yunze, don’t miss this one! (cw: blood, vampirism, misogyny, fantasy violence)

Moonlight Fills the Western Tower (2024, China) Completed mini-series, 1 hour 18 minutes. Historical romance between a crossdressing general and a spy who disguises herself as a beggar. I absolutely loved this one, very dramatic, with a lot of action and fight scenes! (cw: a lot of guns, violence, drowning, murder, drugging, some dubcon but it gets. diverted. gets very dark at times, but ultimately has a happy ending.)

A Flower for Three Lifetimes (2023, China) Completed mini-series, short episodes, 30 mins altogether. A flower becomes a real woman and falls in love with her keeper. Costume drama / xianxia.

Wicked Wealthy Women (2023, China) Mini-series, short episodes. Not for me, the plot was too convoluted and hard to follow, but I know it has a big following! A beautiful young woman marries a rich older man because she plans to murder him, quickly learns the rest of his family wants him dead, too. Rich people drama / murder mystery with a lot of backstabbing. Sequel series recently released, too, for fans! (cw: murder / gun violence, ableism, domestic violence, noncon, car accident, suicide, no happy ending.)

A Practical Guide to Being a Superstars Assistant (2022, China) Completed short mini-series, 13 mins. Contemporary romance between a rich, spoiled idol and her personal assistant, a secret fan.

Yun Zhi Xi / Cloudy Stream (2023, China) Upcoming mini-series, supernatural GL drama set in a school. Contemporary with magic / alternate universes.

Sunflowers / Feng Ling Yu Xiu (2017-2023, China) Donghua, extremely sweet animated series following the adventures of two girls who are very much in love. They are both soulmates and both extremely good at fighting and this became a favourite so fast they are so in love its ridiculous and I think about them constantly. S2 started airing this summer, and is also available on youtube w/ subs  (+ Lunar New Year Special!!!)

Dear Uranus (2021, Taiwan) Short mini-series, about lesbians and gncs at a school in Taiwan, develops into a love triangle, made by and for lesbians. A lot of fun but too short, open-ended finale, holding out they make more episodes.

Handsome Stewardess (2019, Taiwan) Okay, not as ‘new’ as the others, but new to me, and I really fucking loved this series about a tom named Holly who wants to spend her life with her new girlfriend, a martial artist, but money is an issue, so she decides to get a job as a stewardess, even though she has to wear a dress. Dramedy, has some very funny, light-hearted moments and some very sad moments mixed together, but I loved this one a lot and have yet to find anything else that can hold a candle to it. (cw: they go hard on fighting sexual harassment, which includes depicting a lot of sexual harassment, be warned; a main character also becomes seriously injured.)

Secrets of 1979 (2021, Taiwan) Not a series so this is technically cheating but this is an amazing movie by Zero Chou that I need to rave about, it’s so good and I think everyone should see it! Two university students who are very much in love spend the summer with one of the couple’s families, living and working on a banana farm. They also end up helping out a magazine all about freedom of information and expression, something the current military regime rulling Taiwan does not condone. (cw: police brutality, violence.)

Fragrance of the First Flower (2021, Taiwan) This series really was not for me, too serious and slow-paced, but I’m sure others will enjoy this series about a wife and mother in a loveless marriage who reconnects with the girl she had a crush on when she was younger, but they were both too afraid to act on it. Now they’ve grown up she wonders if she can.

Encore Martha (2021, Taiwan) Standalone short, but I think it still merits inclusion, as it’s rare to see older lesbians get a shout, and she still looks amazing in her suit! A senior lesbian tom runs into an old love, and they try to reconnect.

2PM Campus (Thai) Follows some female friends in their 20s at university. 4 episodes, around 18-25 mins each. Includes a wlw romance.

Nothing Happens By Accident (2022, Thai) 3 episodes, 8 mins. Contemporary romance. Hurt/comfort, one has a broken arm, the other nurses her. Very sweet, simple love story.

Always Be You (2022, Thai) 2 episodes, 7-8 mins. Quick and easy ‘long time no see’ contemporary love story.

From 1 Metre to 1 Centimetre (2022, Thai) 4 episodes, 8-9 mins. MC who likes to live alone gets a roommate in her dorm, thinks they won’t get along. Has a rule new roommate stays at least 1 metre away from her at all times. This rule gets broken. Contemporary romance.  

Gap the Series (2022-2023, Thai) Recently completed series with 12 episodes, nearly an hour long each, this one is so much fun, an office romcom with every fanfic trope in the book, starring a bright, outgoing young woman who falls in love with her rich, noble, emotionally repressed boss, who is being pressured into an arranged marriage. Highly recommend catching this, it’s very good, and the perfect balance of drama and comedy! (cw: mild homophobia, death of a wlw supporting character, but happy ending for main characters.)

Don’t Break My Mission (2023, Thai) 4 episodes, 6-8 mins each. Low-budget contemporary romance mini-series. One of them is trying get over the other, but keeps failing. Pretty sweet so far.

You are the Cream in my Coffee (2023, Thai) 7 episodes, 6-10 mins. Short coffee shop contemporary GL mini series, very wholesome!

You are the vitamins in my routine (2023, Thai) 4 episodes, 7-11 mins. Short GL mini-series, contemporary romance, but the couple starts out already together for a change. Sweet, wholesome fluff.

Show Me Love (2023, Thai) First episode released on youtube, the rest are pay to view. 9 episodes in total. Beauty pageant contestants fall in love. Update: rest now coming to youtube, too!

Service Charge (2023, Thai) Short mini-series, 3 episodes 5-6 mins. Contemporary romance b/w a housekeeper and an actress.

My Ideal Ratio (2023, Thai) 2 part mini-series, 6 eps, 5-10 mins. Contemporary GL romance. 170 is set in secondary school, 156 in university.

Lemon vs Melon (2023, Thai) First episode of six just released w/ subs, contemporary miniseries, a mistake leads to two women getting forced to live together, sounds like it will be an opposites attract love story.

Lucky My Love (2023, Thai) 5 ep miniseries (1 hour 20 runtime), office romance for fans of Gap, but a lot lighter/more sweet, with less angst, and less chemistry between the leads, but still a cute love story.

Be Mine (2023-2024, Thai) Upcoming GL, prologue episode out, full series will probably drop early 2024! Story seems to be an anthology, follows several wlw couples and friends in a contemporary setting.

Love in the Rain (2023, Thai) Coming soon, two teasers out! A contemporary love story, will be accompanied by three other unrelated GL shows w/ different actors, made by the same team, mostly following idols / musicians. Will update when I know more.

23.5 (2023, Thai) First episode just released, secondary school students in love. Very cute and wholesome first episode, a loner who just transferred to a new school falls in love with a more popular girl. Real sweet so far.

Blank the Series (2023, Thai) Based on the same series as Gap, follows one of Sam’s older sisters, a painter, who is being pursued by a younger woman, age gap relationship, grandmother doesn’t approve. Haven’t watched it yet and final episode isn’t out so can’t tell you if it ends happily, but people seem to be enjoying it? 6 episodes, averaging 50 mins.

Making Memorable Memories (2023, Thai) follows several different office romances happening at the same time between different women, with different dynamics, some who have past history. At the start felt like it was going to be an anthology but then you start to see how their stories intersect, it’s nice! Low stakes, but good. 12 episodes, around 9 minutes each.

Love Senior (2023, Thai) Currently airing contemporary romance b/w engineering students brought to you by a company that mainly makes BL but seems to be branching out. If this and 23.5 do well, there will likely be more.

Anti-Christmas Club (2023, Thai) Three-part mini-series about wlw who don’t like christmas, all around nine minutes.

Sunshine in the Wind (2024, Thai) Upcoming miniseries with a sweet trailer/pilot that just released recently, and a couple that started as a sidecouple from a bl series. Contemporary florist / actress romance.

Reverse 4 You (2024, Thai) Very excited for this, has a Life is Strange energy. New trailer just dropped and it finally has a release date! August 31st!

The Last Case (2024, Thai). WE HAVE A TRAILER!!!! WE HAVE A TRAILER!!!! No release date yet, but sounds VERY fun, looks amazing. Dark murder mystery thriller with modern career sapphics in their mid/late twenties.

My Marvellous Dream is You (2024, Thai). Contemporary romance, 45 min + 8 episodes. Leads have a complicated history. One is a famous actress, one is her stylist, ends up working for her rival instead because she’s being blackmailed. I went off this one quickly it wasn’t for me, too melodramatic, but others may enjoy!

About Galaxy (2024, Thai). GL series, might be out later this year? Not much news lately.

Affair (2024, Thai) Upcoming GL series, first episode airs 30 August. Contemporary romance, friends to lovers, going to have 8 episodes, don’t know much else yet.

Love of Secret (2022, Thai) A series about a family where several members are hiding innocent secrets, and things get confusing. One of the teenage daughters of the house is hiding a secret girlfriend, as well as a secret idol career. (cw: not a love story and they don’t get a happy ending, but it’s cute as a family drama, and it’s lovely how supportive her family are of their relationship while it lasts, but be warned going in, they don’t really get a happy ending.)

Stupid Boys, Stupid Love (2021, Thai) Okay, hear me out. This is a BL series set in a school, but they have a background relationship between two women, a tom/butch and a femme, which is so delightful I think it’s worth giving a shot just for them, even if you don’t usually watch BL or just want to skip to their scenes. It’s a very sweet best friends to girlfriends storyline.

Magic of Zero: Zero Photography (2022, Thai) Anthology series, first standalone episode follows the background wlw couple from Bad Buddy.

Wedding Plan: The Series (2024, Thai) BL series w/ a background GL couple who are already together. They’re sweet, but have far less screentime than the main couple so far. Will keep watching to see how it goes, but basically a contemporary work romance where two friends, a gay man and a gay woman, are trying to get married. The lesbian has a long-term girlfriend and the gay man is falling for the wedding planner. Reminds me a little of Two Weddings and a Funeral (2012).

Pluto (2024, Thai) Upcoming GL series, started filming recently, has a teaser. I believe the plot follows a woman falling in love with somone who has just come out of a coma from a car accident, and is now blind. Sounds heavy. I don’t know if it has a happy ending or not. Will get back to you. o7

The Secret of Us (2024, Thai) Currently airing GL series, a contemporary romance between a doctor and a waitress/student. Will have 8 episodes.

Club Friday: Love Bully (2024, Thai) 4 episodes, 40-50 mins. Contemporary romance between two young career women, ones a struggling bartender and ones about to make the CEO of her family's corporation. Really loved this one, also nice to see some older trans rep with Aunt Jo! (cw: some homophobic & transphobic language & violence from antagonists trying to break-up the happy couple)

The Loyal Pin (2024, Thai) Just started airing, series about a princess and her childhood friend who fall in love starring Freenbecky. Big budget, high society drama where love conflicts with duty. Will have 16 episodes in all, releasing every Sunday.

Omaiseries (2024, Vietnam) Two university students who are roommates fall in love, one already knows she’s a lesbian the other one’s still figuring it out. Very sweet, wholesome, extremely low budget, entire thing looks filmed with a camera phone but if you can overlook that the leads have great chemistry. Still ongoing, currently on the second season! People are sleeping on this but they shouldn’t. 10-12 minute ‘marathons’ collected shorter episodes w/ english subs.

My Other Half (2024, Myanmar) also “The Other Side of My Heart”? Hard to get information for this one, 7 episodes, all around 30 minutes, only just started getting english subs though so waiting for them all to get subbed, will update when I know more and I’ve watched it all!

She (2023, Myanmar) A florist who feels trapped by her relationship with her abusive husband, falls in love with the woman she recently hired. 4 episodes, 10-17 mins each. (cw: domestic violence, sexual assault in first episode.)

Badhaai Do (2022, India) A movie, not a series, but I wanted to include it! Comedy/drama. A gay woman and a gay man decide to enter a lavendar marriage to keep their respective families off their backs, while they date people they’re actually interested in on the side, and eventually decide to raise a family together. Feel good movie, explores unique family dynamics and coming out. (cw: police brutality, blackmail.)

Catch the Light (2019, India) Short 3-episode mini-series about a bisexual woman who is going blind, explores disability, sexuality, and polyamory. (cw: does feature a homophobic parent, so an argument can be made against homophobia by a supportive one.)

Gentleman Jack (2019-2022, UK) Fun while it lasted! Period drama based on the real life of Anne Lister, a womanising, opportunistic, businesswoman from the 1800s who is looking for the perfect woman to set up house with. (cw: casual homophobia, misogyny, classism, and gun violence, typical of the setting.)

Confessions of Frannie Langton (2022, UK) A dark, feminist, period drama based on a novel about a Jamaican maid in 1820s England who falls in love with her master’s wife and is accused of their murder. Heavy and tragic but well done, I do appreciate how unapologetic Frannie is about their relationship, despite the setting. 4 episodes, 45-50 minutes each. (cw: slavery, misogyny, racism, homophobia, abuse, violence, master/servant relationship.)

Hitmen (2020-2021, UK) Sitcom about a pair of middle-aged assassins played by Mel and Sue. Not a romance at all but Sue’s character is gay like her and it’s always nice having older lesbians on television. 2 seasons, 12 episodes. (cw: violence, murder.)

Renegade Nell (2024, UK) historical setting but fantasy themes, butch mc who isn’t super young but is very badass, don’t think too hard about it and it’s a very fun show, she has a female love interest near the end, unclear whether or not it will get renewed but I do recommend this one if you like escapist fantasy shows like Willow, Dickinson, Warrior Nun, Xena, etc. Haven’t seen a lot of people talking about it but very delightful, and the sapphic part was a surprise, I was more happy to see a show about a crossdressing main character in olden times honestly.

Killing Eve (2018-2022, UK/USA) Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer are brilliant, if you just ignore the last series (which was terrible) the first three are a lot of fun and I love the S3 finale. If you somehow managed to miss it, a show about an assassin and the woman obsessed with exposing her, based on a book series with a better ending. (cw: extremely graphic and visceral murders, often played for laughs.)

Willow (2022, USA) New fantasy adventure series, recently completed. 8 episodes, 40-60 mins each. There’s a very good love story between two of the main female characters, a knight and a gender-non-conforming princess, who have been best friends since childhood. Love their chemistry, not to be missed if you like fun, chaotic adventure fantasies, has the feel of a D&D campaign. (cw: typical fantasy violence, blood, a couple of supporting gays are buried in the third episode.)

Haunting of Bly Manor (2020, USA) A popular one, but if you missed it, features a wlw couple who are very sweet, up until they meet their inevitable tragic ending. If you have an issue with ghosts, horror, death scenes, or tragic endings, give this one a miss, but I will say it’s not big on blood or jumpscares if that’s the kind of horror you avoid. I had much more problem with the writing than the ghosts (it’s not great), but the couple are sweet while they last.

I’m Not Okay With This (2020, USA) Short lived coming-of-age Netflix drama cancelled after the first season about a teenage women with a crush on her best female friend who might have supernatural abilities, or might just be going insane. (cw: explores themes of mental illness, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, gore, violence)

One Day at a Time (2017-2020, USA) Sitcom about a Cuban-American family, the eldest daughter realises she’s a lesbian, comes out, and gets a nonbinary partner over the course of the show. 

Arcane (2021, USA) Ongoing, animated series about the main ensembles struggle to survive in a crumbling, dystopian city. I like Vi and Caitlyn, I think their dynamic will get explored a lot more in the second series from what the writers are hinting.

Dragon Age: Absolution (2022, USA) Another animated series on Netflix, not a love story at all but has sapphic main characters in a messy relationship at the centre of their drama and I love to see it. Only 6 episodes.

Dickinson (2019-2022, USA) The first series didn’t win me over but the last two were a lot of fun, not to miss. Escapist, surreal, anachronistic take on the life of Emily Dickinson that lets you forget the dreariness of real life if you let it. Very gay ending. 3 seasons, 30 episodes.

Harley Quinn (2019-2023, USA) Animated series, DC universe, follows Harley Quinn post-leaving the Joker and her best friend Poison Ivy, who she ends up dating, they’re both bisexual, nothing gay happens until the second season but much is made of their friends-to-lovers dynamic from the comics. 3 seasons, 25-30 min episodes, and a standalone valentines day special.

Harlem (2021-2023, USA) Ongoing comedy series following four 30-something black women in NYC who are friends trying to balance relationships with their careers. One’s a lesbian player, and another character learns she’s bisexual (with someone else).

Only Murders in the Building (2021-2023, USA) Ongoing sitcom, not especially gay but you learn one of the main trio is bisexual in the second season when she gets a female love interest. 

Warrior Nun (2020-2022, USA) Still need to watch the much lauded second season, but a supernatural action series with a sapphic endgame a lot of people are enjoying right now I need to catch up on. Sadly, was not renewed.

A League Of Their Own (2022, USA) A fun series that is so extremely gay I needed to lie down after the night club episode. Women during WWII try to become professional baseball players, start careers independent of men, and get taken seriously. A delight to watch, but period-typical homophobia, sexism, and racism peppered throughout.

[jeonghanurl]

I've seen some "haven't seen this yet" comments on my gifset from the three gentlebros and I just want to give my review. tbh maybe it's more for me than for anyone who's thinking of watching it but still. personal opinion only.

The show is separated into 3 parts. each part focuses on one brothers lovestory, and how it's against the will of their mom. The other two brothers are just side-characters when it's not their part.

I found the show pretty boring the first two thirds, I basically just kept watching because I knew gun would show up eventually. however, I really enjoyed the gunfilm storyline which runs from episode 13-18. I don't know if it's because I adore gun and film and my brain subconsciously just likes whatever they do, or if it really got better. I think the tone was a bit more playful than eariler parts, the dynamic between their characters was fun, it felt like one you don't see too often with straight dramas.

That's not to say that the other storylines were super-gendered, I actually did think the show did a decent job with giving the girls a personality that wasn't just "the love-interest". I liked the girls. If anything I feel like the guys were the ones who had nothing interesting going on. What do they do except whine about their mom and wear boring suits? And I can't blame the actors because I've cared about Tays charcters in others dramas, but this one? nope. doesn't spark joy. but maybe if you're a huge fan of one of the actors you'll care more about their characters than I did.

I think what I want to say is that the parts are separate, you can understand what's going on without knowing the other storylines. It's ok to pick the part with the actor you like, the part you're interested in, and just watch that. If you like it you can always watch the other parts too, but if you find it boring there's no point in watching for the actor you like because they're barely gonna show their face until their storyline.

also since we're all queer here, the lesbians will not show up until the gunfilm storyline. they are very cute, and although they have small role I did get tearyeyed at one point. while I wish we had more actual gls, it's also a little exciting to feel like maybe we are at the pickrome-point now, where a wlw side-couple can sort of overshadow the straight main couple.

[baoshan-sanren]

The YinYang Master (2021) liveblog

okay so the city is where the people live and outside of the city is where the monsters live, got it

the yinyang bureau are the dudes who fight the monsters? sure

off the bat, chen kun (qingming) is accused of like killing a bunch of people in the bureau, no clue if he actually did it, but the person i assume to be the female interest does not believe a word of it (or does she)

anyway, he gets the fuck out of there, good for him

seven years later?

are these?

three raccoons in a trench coat? 

there are. there are three raccoons in a trench coat, each wielding a sharp and deadly weapon

it’s been ten minutes and this movie has got my attention

OH WE’RE GETTING CHEN KUN WHO FIGHTS WITH A FAN

AND DRINKS LIKE A FISH

AND HOPS AROUND WITH HIS HAIR LOOSE GOOD LORD

hello flying demon things I like your wings

here’s the female love interest again and uh

she’s

a bit terrifying now

whoever is dubbing her must’ve smoked two packs a day for ten years because holy hell that is some gravel

the flying demon thing stole some red gem that I assume is very important

SHE TOOK HIS ASS DOWN WITH ONE ARROW 

NOT TO BE A LESBIAN BUT OH MY GOD

okay these things aren’t raccoons, what the hell are they? are the weasels? I’m gonna call them weasels 

anyway I’ve had these weasels for 15 minutes but if anything happens to them

THEY ARE FERRETS 

A FERRET SWALLOWED THE RED GEM THING 

this is quickly getting out of hand you feel me?

OH MY GOOOOOD WHO IS THIS LADY VILLAIN NOW

can you imagine having to report to your boss like, I stole the thingy but then I was defeated by three ferrets 

I would die on the spot, like rip to this dude but I’m different

she has some kind of freezing ice power and I like it

now where are we

THERE ARE BADASS LADIES EVERYWHERE IN THIS GUYS

GUYS

I HAVE BEEN MISLED ABOUT THIS MOVIE

AND WHAT IS THIS LOOK? GOOD GOD

anyway, I’m not feeling too hot about this poor ferret’s prospects bc that red gem thing TALKS TO YOU and it sound pretty evil

ah shit, so the yinyang bureau is all like “those ferrets belong to qingming so he’s the one who did it, which means we were right to accuse him of trying to steal the red gem seven years ago”

no wonder this dude drinks, everyone’s out to get him

so the red gem is actually the snake? or like it was the snake? or is the soul of the snake?

this official-looking dude is just talking shit in front of this gravelly female chief of the bureau like he’s got a death wish

good, tell him to zip it

oh shit now we’re getting some past events and they are.... eventful

hm this cimu guy is getting a lot of screen time for a dead dude, perhaps he is not dead?

just now realizing the yinyang bureau boss lady is zhou xun I feel stupid

BOYA 

he’s in some deep shit for losing the tribute to a drunk dude and a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat 

and I have to say that’s a pretty valid thing to be in trouble for

"I fought with Qingming and he fled in defeat” *SNORT*

did this girl just

hit him with a really long cucumber?

w h a t  i s  h a p p e n i n g

her name is Shenle and I am now signing the adoption papers 

her and boya are going into the monster realm to find qingming and I can just sense a bunch of oncoming shenanigans 

I was right

i’m just now realizing that qingming intentionally left boya this spell so he can summon the bridge and come find him

what are you up to mister?

GUYS THIS MONSTER REALM 

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED GHOST CITY IN TGCF AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH

qingming just made boya his familiar and let me tell you

not nearly as romantic as it was in the dream of eternity

BUT FUNNY THO

qingming is kind of a dick too and I think I like him more

jghgjfkdghdks what is this little red monster thingy what is happening

idk what makes costume designers stuff chen kun in these high collar robes but I am here for this look

ACTION ACTION ACTION FIGHT

this is a lot of romance for me personally right now but

i’m fucking really digging the fact that both chen kun and zhou xun are like 

grown-ass adults and experienced actors

she’s even older than him by a couple of years I think so like

for a hetero romance this is basically the only kind I care to see

I KNEW CIMU WAS UP TO NO GOOD

oh maybe he’s dead actually? what is his DEAL

okay this lady isn’t listening to anything you’re saying like why even bother

this poor fucking ferret

OH NO 

NOT THE FERRET

okay this bitch can eat my entire asshole, fuck her and her righteous bullshit 

aaaand now we’re all getting drunk

chen kun shouldn’t be allowed to do anything ever seriously he’s too hot to exist I feel attacked 

hey asshole lady, do you think maybe now you can admit you were wrong and qingming was right?

now we’re all “I should’ve trusted you”

she’s literally going “when this is over, this bracelet will be yours again” I know there’s some magic thing happening w the bracelet but that’s an euphemism if I’ve ever heard one 

you just called him a monster to his face like 10 minutes ago

this lady’s got some balls

qingming you’re too nice, I would’ve made her work for it

OH WE GET TO MEET THE BAD GUY BOSS

hnggg this fight scene is just

I am watching this film for the plot

oh crap the asshole lady is dead already?

that was a short redemption arc

and the snow lady is dead too hmpf I actually liked her unhinged little laugh

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW WHO THE BAD GUYS IS

i feel like the entire monster-fucking dark side of tumblr needs to get a load of this dude

where you going spider dude?

oh this is

not a good development 

okay I am definitely not vibing with boya being depicted as an absolute dumbass for 90% of this film like

you could take him out of the movie completely and not lose any of the plot which is... not good

STOP STOP I’M ALREADY DEAD

I have to say these special effects are a bit over the top but so visually satisfying omg

also like

making me actually invested in every single small character within a space of 2.5 hours is pretty impressive 

hngggg

i’m starting to think that the whole point of this movie is to showcase how hot chen kun is in any clothing with any hair under any circumstances 

oh so now that the bad guy is dead the asshole lady is alive again

which is kind of a cop-out but whatever 

“you promised to live and die by my side and never betray me” BIG WORDS FROM SOMEONE WHO BETRAYED HIM FIRST

ahh I get what he did now

that’s pretty cool

and kind of sad

I’m not crying kind of sad but that shit hurted

still, I do like this ending

although this whole thing would’ve been much better as a drama at least 30 episodes long I don’t feel like I wasted 2.5 hours

so yeah, I def rec this if you have time to kill

[monaownsmyass]

Going Out Of My Mind In My Mind

Requested fic by anon. (If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)

Book: My First Two Loves

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre: Fluff but make it angsty

Rating: PG13

Warning: Mild homophobic comments

Word Count: 3,611

A/N: Ava is in love with her best friend. She gets lost in her own thoughts while contemplating if she should reach out to MC. Firstly, I wanna say I’m so sorry to the anon that requested this if they wanted a more light-hearted fluff fic lmfao. If you did, please send me another ask lol. Secondly, I wanna apologise to my fellow wlw for including a little homophobia. It’s not that harsh or mean, but it’s there. I thought including it would better portray a realistic encounter of what it’s like to be a wlw accepting her sexuality and exploring her feelings.

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly @queen-arabella-of-cordonia (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)

The first time I realised I was in love with my best friend was... well, I'm not sure if I'm being honest.

But damn, if that's not the most generic, cliché plot ever for every sapphic film and story ever, I'm not sure what is. However, there was always some truth to fiction and I was no exception.

That was my life. Generic and cliché. Popular high school captain of the cheerleaders who lived in the suburbs and came from a middle-class family that has dated the school's famous golden-boy quarterback.

For far too long, everything was normal. Too normal. Painfully normal.

That is, of course, until I started realising I had feelings for my best friend that was very much into guys. As I've mentioned, I couldn't pint-point an exact date or incident but like a hurricane, it was sudden even though there were warnings signs and it was just as destructive, uprooting and destroying everything I thought I once knew, a force to be reckoned with.

It was utter chaos in a seeming perfect picture but for the first time in my life, I felt alive.

Emma Price was my hurricane. Whether that was a good or bad thing, that was up for debate. All I knew was that I wanted her in my life and didn't care if it wasn't the best idea or if it would hurt me. I just wanted her to be with me.

I think that's the funniest thing about finally having a genuine, heart-wrenching, crush on someone. Even the smartest people get dumb, the most cautious are reckless and the logical becomes irrational. Everything that made sense doesn't anymore because why the hell are you doing things you normally wouldn't do for someone that doesn't even like you back?

I learnt that first-hand and I wished someone would've warned me before that. Not like I would've believed it but at least it would be playing at the back of my mind. An echo in the distance, a nagging voice.

I did the stupidest stuff once I was certain I was in love with Emma. I knew I was in love with her but I was in denial and did things I regretted. Dating other people, trying to make her jealous, downplaying my feelings when I saw her with Mason or Noah. Pushing her away and avoiding her instead of talking to her...

It's different, falling for your best friend. Feelings and signals are mixed, emotions are at a high and everything is just one confusing mess of a relationship that was once simple and innocent.

And now, here I was, laying on my bed, staring at my phone as if it would magically tell me the right thing to do if I looked long enough. It didn't, of course. I sighed, wondering if I should shoot Emma a text. It's been some time since we just talked for fun and I missed her sorely.

Procrastinating, I swiped through my home page. My eyes caught sight of a certain app that I opened ever so often whenever I was missing my best friend.

~*~*~

"Come on! Just download it!"

I scrunched my nose up. "Give me one good reason why."

"Because you’re the best friend in the whole world and you'll do anything I say because you love me?" she said jokingly while batting her eyelashes at me but my heart started racing.

I was acutely aware of her hand on my thigh and the way she leaned into me. My breath hitched at her nearness even though we've been closer before.

That was something else about having a crush on your best friend. Suddenly, everything felt like too much. Every word, every touch, every damn single thing was overwhelming and honestly? It was exhausting. Not only is it emotionally tiring, you go into this weird phase of wanting to savour everything they do and you can't help but wonder why you didn't appreciate these small moments before. You can't help but feel as if you've wasted them all.

If she could sense me stiffen, she didn't show it 'cuz she just went on. "Also, it's about a cartoon cat that eats to save the world! What's not to love?"

"That sounds ridiculous, Em," I laughed. "What's the game called?"

"Dopey Cat!"

"Oh god," I groaned. "That makes it sounds much worse."

"Or much better!" She nudged me and I felt a jolt go up my arm. I always wondered if these simple touches felt the same to her. "Do it"

"Alright, alright!" I giggled and surrendered. "Only 'cuz I'm such a great friend."

"Yes! And like I said," Emma leaned in and my heart dropped to my stomach. "The best."

She gave me a slow, soft peck on my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder, clinging onto my arm and leaving me a flustered mess.

~*~*~

I thought about that moment often. More often then I'd like to admit. Every time I did, the same thoughts would always come to mind.

What would've happened if I kiss her? What if I just turned my head right before her lips touched my skin? Would she have kissed me back? Would she push me away? Maybe she'd say she felt the same way about me.

But that didn't happen, so all I could do was wonder.

And wonder I did.

Being in my room like this, doing nothing, it really did make my mind go everywhere. I've dreamed and cried and laughed and screamed and doing nothing was suddenly the most taxing thing I've ever done. Doing nothing when you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back was the most dangerous thing 'cuz they’re already always on your mind but when you're doing nothing, your thoughts just spirals down an endless pit of possibilities that'll never happen and ultimately, you get hurt.

But knowing this, I still let my thoughts spiral anyway. How could I not when the joy and peace I got from imaging a world where her and I were together was worth the pain and heartbreak?

'Cuz figment of my imagination or reality, it didn't matter, she was worth it.

I've imagine us on dates, having picnics, watching movies, going on road trips, sleeping over, laughing over nothing, at the park, at the beach, in a field, in our rooms.

I've thought about us dancing in the living room at 12 a.m., huddled in bundles of blankets on a cold night, singing along to our song while making breakfast, staying up under the night sky and talking about everything and nothing until sunrise, being able to introduce her as my girlfriend and kissing her whenever I felt like.

I've dreamt about us so much as a couple that I've accidentally mistaken reality for fiction but like I've said, there's always some truth to fiction.

~*~*~

"Congrats on being co-captains, guys!" Iris wished us enthusiastically, practically jumping up and down.

"Seriously, you guys totally deserve it," Toni agreed.

"Thank you!" Emma said.

"You two are the best duo! Our cheer squad is gonna rule with you both leading us!"

"Thanks," I said and pulled Emma in for a side hug, feeling goosebumps from the contact. "We do make a pretty great couple."

I immediately froze when I realised what I said and mentally kicked myself. 

God, that was so stupid! Why was I so careless? I should watch what I say!

That wasn't the first time I've done it and I was sure it wasn't the last, but just like how Emma was always the only one to mess up my constant, she was the one difference between all the other times and this time.

She had never heard me refer to ourselves as a couple but while I was beating myself up, Emma handled the situation coolly. She slid her hand in mine and squeezed which did nothing to calm my wrecked nerves.

"We definitely sure would! She the sweetest, more caring person in the world and I'd be so lucky to call her mine." She leaned into me and gave me a nudge but all I could do was stare at her, eyes wide and brows raised.

Her deep brown eyes locked onto mine and I swear I could feel the spark between our gaze. And what was that I saw in her eyes? Longing? A hint? I wasn't sure but I could've sworn there was something else I couldn't quite decipher. Then again, I didn't really trust my thoughts. If it could make me believe we were actually a couple, why would I ever trust it in this situation? How could I?

I'm not sure how long we were staring at each other 'cuz to me, it felt timeless. We only broke apart when we heard someone making a retching sound.

"Gross! Go get a room," Lauren said as she walked towards us. "No one wants to see two lesbos in action."

I felt her hand fall out of mine and suddenly, I felt very vulnerable.

"You don't have to be rude!" Iris defended.

"Yeah, Lauren, no one asked," Toni agreed.

Emma spoke up. "Go away, Lauren. No one wants you here." She said it in an almost tired manner. She was done with putting up with her and it showed.

"Aw, protecting your lesbian lover? Cute," Lauren rolled her eyes and walked away. "Whatever, later, losers!"

"Don't listen to her," Toni said after Lauren left.

But how could I not?

"Hey, Ava?"

I could hear the sweet voice of best friend calling out to me but it was distant.

Everything was. I didn't feel like I was in my body. All my senses were numb and I felt nothing. Nothing except the raging white heat within me. I was having an out of body experience in the worst way possible and for a moment, I didn't feel human.

~*~*~

Then Ava was definitely different from Now Ava. Then Ava wanted to cry and run as far as she could. But she couldn't. She was paralysed with fear and embarrassment. Now Ava would've just laughed and called Lauren pathetic. Maybe even give her a nice slap across the face if she felt like it. But Now Ava wasn't Then Ava, so why dwell on the past?

The thing is, I didn't want to. But like that dull throb at the back of your skull after a concussion, I just couldn't ignore it. You tell everyone you're fine, and for the most part, you are. But that annoying sensation, constantly reminding you aren't, that you just couldn't forget. That was that moment with Lauren.

Her words played in my mind on repeat for the first week after hearing it. Months later that voice was softer and less frequent, but it was still there.

A lot happened in those months. The biggest of all? I finally accepted that I was gay. No, not gay, a lesbian.

That word Lauren had spoken with a jeer, the word she used to insult me, the word that was meant to humiliate me, I was that word.

That wasn't the only time I heard it used that way but it was the first time it was used against me. Lauren's words was a constant reminder in my mind that being a lesbian was an embarrassment, that I was an embarrassment.

Then Ava would feel a chill run up her spine when she heard that word even though it wasn't directed to her. And when it finally was, her soul left her body but of course, that would've been too easy. Her soul leaving her body would've been the easy way out. So instead, she was forced back into reality and had to find a way to deal with it.

Now Ava knew it wasn't a bad thing. Of course she did, she was one, after all. So why did Lauren's words still haunt her?

I still had to remind myself that it was okay. It wasn't gross or immoral or whatever nonsense they put into my mind about girls liking other girls. And every time I did, the madder I got. At everyone that has ever said anything about it and at myself.

Because how dare they tell me how to feel?

And how dare I listen to them when I knew it wasn't true?

I was at peace with it now. I was at peace with being a lesbian. But being at peace wasn't the same as embracing it, owning it. And I'm not sure if I ever will, but I hope I do.

I wasn't out to anyone, and god, I've never felt so suffocated in my life. I couldn't even tell Emma 'cuz I was afraid of how she'd react. Or worse, that she'd assume I have a crush on her. And the worst part, that it was true. That I couldn't even deny it.

Not being able to tell your best friend whom you've always told everything to made me feel like shit. It ate away at me every time I was near her and whenever we were talking. I always wanted to bring it up but I never found out how. Maybe I will soon, but not now.

Emma had always been understanding. Even when she didn't get it, she would try. She wasn't quick to judge nor did she so easily jump to conclusions but I couldn't help but think that maybe, she wouldn't be so understanding. 'Cuz that's what you do when you overthink. You worry about things that you shouldn't and you create false scenarios and you just, can't, stop.

Which was exactly what I was doing right now.

I sighed, catching myself before I could spiral any further and rolled onto my side, staring out of the window with my phone abandoned on the bed.

It started drizzling and it was getting pretty cold. I moved to get under my comforter and wrapped the sheets around me.

And once again, I closed my eyes as my mind began to wander.

If only Emma was by my side...

~*~*~

"Oh my god! Ava! Stop!" she would giggle as I showered her in kisses.

"Nu-uh!" I'd respond and wrap her up in my arms, still kissing her wherever I could reach as we rolled around on my bed, playing.

She'd try to escape but since I'm stronger than her, it's useless. She's trapped in my embrace and eventually, she'd give in and hug me back.

We'd laughed about silly inside jokes as we let our hands linger over each other's bodies, not wanting to let go.

I'd pull her tight and she'd rest her head against my chest as the rain outside got heavier.

I'd shower her in compliments and she'd blush. We'd talk about life, our hopes and dreams and ambitions. Our plans and future together.

"Would you still be with me?" I'd ask her.

"Forever and always, baby," she'd reply and give me a reassuring kiss.

We'd waste away the rest of the day together and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

~*~*~

But that was just fantasy. She's not here and I'm not ready. Not ready to come out to Emma, let alone confront her about my feelings for her.

I took a deep breath before opening my eyes, as if I were physically preparing myself to come back to reality. I glanced at my phone screen that was opened at her chat. I picked my phone up and got ready to type but I hesitated.

Should I do this?

I didn't have much of a choice though, 'cuz my phone rang and lo and behold, my best friend, my crush, the girl I fell in love with, appeared as the caller ID.

My heart sank but my stomach filled with butterflies. This conflicting emotion wasn't a rare occurrence ever since I fell for my best friend but that didn't mean I was used to it. Fear and excitement coexisted where it shouldn't which only left me with a familiar uneasy feeling.

I only stopped for a moment before hitting the 'accept call' button.

"Hi!" I heard that cheery voice of hers ring from the other side of the phone and I could feel my insides warm.

Hey, yourself." I smiled. "What's up, Em?"

"Nothing much, I just feel like we haven't talked that much." She paused for a while before adding shyly, "And I miss you."

The warmth spread to my cheeks. "I really missed you too."

I heard her giggle and god, was it the most adorable sound ever. "Good to know. What have you been up to?"

Figuring out my sexuality and pining over you.

"Nothing much, just the usual." Liar. "What about you?"

"Just been thinking about you," she said casually and my heart fluttered.

I cleared my throat. "Any interesting stories lately?"

I heard another heavenly laugh. "Too many!"

She jumped right into it, not stopping once and honestly, I never wanted her to. Her voice in my ear was a comfort and I held onto it for as long as I could.

We talked and laughed for hours and I didn't even notice until I glanced at the clock on my wall. Time passed too quickly whenever I was with her, I always felt like it wasn't enough. It never was.

But then again, an infinite lifetime with her would still feel too short. 

"And then, Mack ran out of the house with our dad chasing her in only his towel and shower cap with his back scrubber!" she laughed unrestrained, not holding it back and lighting up the entire world with it.

"Oh my god!" I laughed along with her. "How did she even pull that off? I can't believe I missed that!"

"See? This is why you should come over more often!"

I didn't know how to respond but it was fine because she started speaking again.

"Wow, I didn't realise the time! I should probably head to bed."

"Yeah, me too," feeling disappointed that she was gonna hang up soon even though I let out a yawn. "But I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"For sure! Good night, Ava."

"Night, Em."

"..."

"..."

"Are you still there?" she asked me.

"Uh, yeah?" I replied. "Put down the phone."

"No, you!" She giggled.

I smiled from hearing it. "You!"

"Ugh, fine! Bye."

"Okay, bye bye."

"..."

"..."

"Hello?"

"Emma," I breath out in a light chuckle. "Go sleep."

"Okay! Okay, for good this time, bye."

"Bye," I laughed and before I could stop myself, I added, "I love you."

And I shot up, frozen in place. It wasn't what I say, it was the way I did. Soft and vulnerable and definitely not just a friend proclaiming her platonic love to her best friend.

I heard Emma suck in a sharp breath as if she caught onto it too, and the line went dead silent.

"Ava-"

I heard her whisper but I pulled my phone away from me as if it was poison eating away at my flesh and hit the 'end call' button, tossing it beside me. I didn't hear her finish her sentence and I wasn't sure if I could handle it if I did.

Shit!

I hit my palm against my face and slid it down, groaning. How was I gonna face her tomorrow?

Just then, I heard my phone go off. The ringtone I had set just for Emma played and I swear I felt my heart stop.

Nervously, I glanced down at my phone to see the notification that popped up.

'I love you too <3'

Warmth spread through my body and I let out an involuntary grin. I fell back onto the bed with my arm covering across my face.

I glanced back at the message and made a high-pitched squeal that I never in a million years thought would come out of my mouth. Leave it to Emma to make me do things I normally wouldn't.

My heart raced in my chest.

She may not have meant it the way I have but it didn't matter because hearing her tell me she loved me was all I needed.

That was another thing about having a crush on your best friend; the I love you's were up for interpretation.

I placed the phone on my chest and let my arms sprawl out on the bed. Whatever sleepiness I had left my body, there was no way I could go to bed now.

So instead, I let my mind roam but this time, willingly. I let my thoughts free fall through a million different possibilities as the night turned to day. 

I watched the sun rise.

And I smiled.

Because falling in love with my best friend was messy and complicated and heart-shattering. But it was also full of excitement and exhilaration and anticipation.

It was rollercoaster of emotions, full of ups and downs and twist and turns and even loops, but that's what made it thrilling. And for the first time in my normal life, I had something to keep me on my toes.

And I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Was my best friend also in love with me? I didn't know. Would I ever know? Maybe, maybe not. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little curious to know how she feels, be it good or bad. Maybe someday I'll ask her. Maybe I'll get to hold her. Maybe she'll never speak to me again.

But until then, all I had were the stories I've made up in my mind.

(More fics!)

[marnie1964]

Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey

i'm gonna consider myself tagged

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?: an unexpected turn of events but it's passing the quarantine, i guess!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:  to be completely honest, i don't really like the movies? i didn't vibe with them as a kid and when i went back and tried to watch them this year i couldn't make it all the way through.* i think they're well crafted movies, but i've never liked relatable young boy wish fulfillment (i couldn't even get thru harry potter as a kid), and i think the first one is guilty of burying the lede twice over with regards to mr. miyagi and later the relationship between kreese and johnny. and lucky me--these are exactly the areas that cobra kai delivers on.

*except for the third one, which imo is a camp masterpiece and also genuinely heartbreaking. it's the only one that allows daniel to be an genuine pain in the ass. i think i've finally figured out what the target audience for cobra kai is: people who's favorite karate kid movie was tkk3 (me).

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: johnny! what is a man but a miserable pile of bruce springsteen lyrics? or aimee mann lyrics? or mountain goats lyrics? or otis redding lyrics? or--fuck, have americans ever written songs about anyone else? i have an unreal amount of good will towards this man and his late-life struggle for recuperation. he's the heart of the show both in terms of his relationships with other characters and in terms of zabka's chemistry with the other actors.

my deep dark double secret fave is kreese. he makes me feel real anger in a way that's usually reserved for characters in vince gilligan shows. i'm a bit obsessed with him and his preoccupation with johnny and later johnny's teenaged son (I Have Thoughts). the show does a great job of making what he did to johnny--and all the years and years and years of fallout from that--feel really real, which makes him one of the most viscerally despicable villains i've ever come across . it's unironically among the best portrayals of domestic abuse i've seen, may god have mercy on our souls. the decision to pop out from behind a fucking cardboard cutout of himself to scare daniel in tkk3 was also a hilarious galaxy brain move. aspirational stuff.

also--shout out to daniel-san. the writers really had to work their asses off to make him into a character that appeals to me, and i think they did a great job of it. he's a cringey tool who's capable of displaying a surprising amount of integrity under the right circumstances! he's tom wambsgans! he's pete campbell! he's wonderful i love him!

Favorite ship:  johnny & daniel (what if mysterious skin was a sports comedy??)

Underrated character: the True and Correct answer to this question can only be aisha, although i don't think she was actually underrated by anyone besides the writers. chozen is also lowkey my favorite katate child because c'mon, he had everything (spear fights! ziplines! teen death matches! formfitting disco-era polyester button down shirts worn with gold chains!)

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  uhhhh... the only teen couple that could have been interesting is tory/aisha. they were cute together and their friendship rang true to me. it's that thing where you're the new girl and you're conventionally attractive, but on the inside you know you're a freak so you immediately gravitate towards the most obvious female outsider. i lived it, bay-bey!

i also think there are interesting things to explore with carmen and johnny's relationship. i don't know if the writers are even aware of it (i lean towards no b/c men amirite) but the entire premise of carmen's character is that she chose to live in poverty to protect herself and her son from a bad man with power. she's thereby the exact opposite of johnny's mother, who (at least by his understanding) married hollywood film producer shmarvey shmeinstein to provide her son with a better life. so, there's a lot to unpack in his attraction to her. also they're super hot hur hur i like sexy nurse thing hur hur.

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?: i can't look directly at it, but sweep the leg. zabka what the fuck man.

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?:  i don't think i've seen anyone mention this one yet, but the football jersey with the sweatpants. it makes him look so small and huggable, i wanna pick him up and set him on my shelf or something.

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: bring back ali's lesbian girl gang!!! or else--dutch. he was funny and iconic, i loved his exaggerated offended reaction to everything daniel said or did in tkk. also, i'm tacky so i'm a sucker for aggressively bleach blonde hair. the SCANDALIZED wasp couple standing behind ali and johnny in the spaghetti scene will also do. or terry's secretary (an mvp--i believe the original actress has passed away so in my heart of hearts she's portrayed by j. smith-cameron).

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: the whole character development speed run that johnny does from sweep the leg to crying while handing daniel the trophy to getting strangled in the parking lot by his beloved teacher. i'm especially transfixed by that last bit--what's the thought process of a man who decides to publicly execute his teenage student via strangulation? why did none of the many bystanders call the police? johnny is the real kitty genovese, prison for everyone.

from the cobra kai series proper: daniel's decision to greet johnny with a big hug after not seeing him for 35 years and never actually being friends with him (I Have Thoughts), the heinously creepy scene where johnny is repeating the cobra kai mantra for miguel and his entire disposition completely changes (demonic possession shit), and johnny's tiny go-ahead-and-kill-my-abuser nod (his face is so stoney after being so animated at dinner) coupled with daniel's shaky little sign of relief (macchio is really the cutest when he looks scared).

it goes without saying that every johnny & miguel scene lives rent free in my HEART.

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: anthony becomes relevant for one (1) episode next season when amanda and daniel finally get around to putting him up for adoption.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war.  Which dojo do you join?:  i enter the cobra kai dojo decked out in all of my snake-themed clothing and jewelry (it's a lot). i approach kreese and explain to him that the open mouth of a snake, viewed head-on, is a yonic symbol. i am permanently banned from the cobra kai dojo.

(seriously though, assuming i'm a teen in this scenario i think i would have vibed with tory/miguel/aisha. dimitri and sam would have driven high school me up the fucking wall though. the cobra kai style looks like more fun/better exercise. do i also genuinely believe most young girls could actually benefit from someone yelling no mercy down their neck? maybe so 💖)

What’s your training montage song?:  50ft queenie - pj harvey (it takes place in the alison bechdel feminist karate dojo ofc)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: it's a full episode flashback to the time johnny got arrested in albuquerque, new mexico. johnny's court-appointed attorney is a weirdly hot babe who seems like a super straight laced killjoy at first, but soon reveals herself to be an unhinged woman. one thing leads to another, and johnny winds up in bed with her and her loser husband. there are lots of great themes about punitive justice, people's ability to change for the better (and worse), and what makes someone "good" or "bad" to begin with, but mostly it's just really hot sex. the husband tries to sell johnny a prepaid cellphone and johnny tell's him that cellphones are never gonna catch on, cause who want's to be bothered by people all the time like that?

better call saul. it's a better call saul crossover ep.

(fwiw think that greg 'hbo succession' hirsch should also be terry's cousin greg on the non-roy side. think about it--the roys are small people, but cousin greg is really tall?? and who else is really tall, and a blue eyed brunette to boot? terry silver. it all adds up! this never becomes relevant to the plot, in any case, i'm just considering it canon until the writers come to my house and explicitly tell me i'm wrong.)

Tagging: anyone who's interested 😘

[gottlem]

ur so mean, i love u. (lemyanka)

a/n: this was based off a certain ig story from priyanka. its basiacally just pining lesbians. i tried my best, its kind of late, i hope u like it !! (ps this i snot proofread so we’re just gonna hope its right and if its not... just pretend)

summary: priyanka knew something was wrong with lemon if a day went by when she didn’t make fun of her, and lemon hadn’t been acting like herself for a week. (3k)

Priyanka could tell there was something wrong with Lemon. She just didn’t know what it could be. They were best friends, so wouldn’t Lemon just come to her if she was upset or mad or whatever? Priyanka couldn’t lie, she felt a pang in her chest at the idea of Lemon keeping something from her, something that was clearly upsetting her. They had become a package deal, they were never too far from each other and even when they weren’t together, they were talking about each other. If Lemon didn’t like someone, neither did Pri. If Pri had a favourite song, Lemon learned every word. They were as close as friends could be.

Though, Priyanka kind of wished they’d be more. But it was okay. She could have feelings for Lemon and be her friend and she didn’t even have to know. Hiding it from her would kill her, but she was sure telling Lemon would be worse. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t, risk changing their dynamic, something they had built up to become stronger and stronger year after year. If their bond were to break, they’d never hear the end of it. The mere thought of that made Priyanka shiver. 

She liked to think she could read Lemon best, and she’d probably be right. Lemon was not the girl to always talk about how she was feeling, and you could bet if she wasn’t feeling right she’d completely hide it. But she’d never been able to fool Priyanka. Though, normally she wouldn’t even try, because Priyanka would be the shoulder she’d seek to cry on anyway. Priyanka had seen her at her absolute worst, through thick and thin. So why was she acting so… weird?

It’s not like it was obvious, though. Lemon was a good actress, Priyanka was just a better detective, apparently. But she didn’t say anything straight away. Lemon hated to be pestered, and maybe she was just tired. Maybe her neighbours were loud and she couldn’t get to sleep. Hell, she could just be a bit hormonal, that’s fine. Priyanka would only make her angry for bringing it up, or even make her worse. And she didn't want to be overbearing. So she left it. She left it and waited until Lemon was back to her sour little self. But that never happened.

Apparently, Priyanka’s stress over Lemon just made her more stressed in general, which made her forget to set her alarm. So on Friday morning, she woke up an hour later than normal, in ignorant bliss for a total of one second until reality caught up to her. She scrambled out of bed, rushing through her usual morning routine, probably (definitely) forgetting something when packing her bag. By the time she was ready to go, she would be about 45 minutes late to her first lesson, so there was really no point in going to it at all. But still, she left the house and found herself walking a little quicker than normal.

She didn’t go to her first lesson, opting to be early for her second. She braced herself for whatever Lemon would come up with about her frazzled appearance. She wore a bare face and a ponytail that was definitely lop-sided and falling out slowly, and she knew Lemon would have an absolute field day. She was the only person who Priyanka would let make fun of her, all because she knew it came from a place of love. Besides, the bitch was funny. It was so typically Lemon to make some quick-witted insult, that would never really be an insult, it became her thing. 

So when Lemon sat herself down in her usual spot next to Pri and said nothing but a “Hey, bitch” with a smile that was definitely not genuine, Priyanka knew it was time to intervene. And then the teacher walked in, demanding silence. Well, there goes that idea. For the next hour, Priyanka watched Lemon’s eyes as they focused and unfocused on the world around her, and pretended to ignore the constant side glances she’d receive way more often than normal. Maybe now wasn’t the time, but she’d have to bring it up. She didn’t care if Lemon got annoyed anymore, she knew the girl had a habit of bottling things up, and she didn’t want to wait for her feelings to explode. She thought back to the few times where she had bit her tongue for a bit too long, and watched Lemon spiral for weeks. She wouldn’t let that happen again.

Turns out, getting Lemon alone for long enough was a lot harder than she thought it’d be. Was she doing this on purpose? The next time Priyanka caught up with Lemon wasn’t until the end of the day, when they began the walk home together, a tradition they’d had for years. And still, something just seemed off. Lemon just wasn’t as peppy as she normally was (though she would absolutely kill Priyanka for using the word ‘peppy’ to describe her).

“Hey Lem, do you want to stick around at mine for a bit? I need company while my moms at work?” Priyanka’s mom was at work, this was true, but really she was just testing the waters. Lemon never passed up an opportunity to spend a couple hours at Pri’s after school.

“I actually have like, a shit ton of homework, so I think I’ll just go straight home today.” Okay, that was enough.

“Lemon. Are you okay?” She placed her hands on the younger girls shoulders, effectively stopping her from walking any further, and making her face Priyanka. This just meant Priyanka had a better view of the dramatic eye roll Lemon proceeded to do.

“I’m fine! Just busy.” Lemon was not impressed. At all. Not quite angry, but absolutely fed up, but this only spurred Priyanka on more.

“Lem, please. Just come to mine for a bit, we can chill or whatever you want. I call bullshit on your homework excuse but you can do that if you really want to, just please come with me? I just want you to be okay.” Priyanka’s tone was harsh, firm. Not mean though, never mean, not to Lemon. 

It’s not like Lemon had any other choice but to agree. Priyanka grabbed her hand and didn’t let go until she was standing at her front door fishing for her keys in her pockets. Lemon never perked up, instead she whined the whole way about how she was fine and Priyanka was overreacting. Priyanka saw right through it, and with each complaint she became more determined to find out what the fuck was going on with her best friend.

As soon as the door was opened, Lemon walked straight upstairs, into Priyanka’s room and flopped onto her bed. Priyanka trudged behind her, in much less of a hurry but concerned nonetheless, and followed the yellow haired girl into the bedroom to find her lying there with her face smushed into her pillows. She didn’t budge even after Priyanka closed the door behind her, nor when she asked politely for her to scoot along. So Priyanka did the only thing that was left to do. She gently rolled Lemon’s petite body along, so that she was facing upwards and gave enough room to join her on the bed. She was surprisingly met with no resistance other than a small whine of protest. 

“Stay here. I’m gonna go make tea, then you can do your stupid homework”

Lemon’s face instantly fell. They both knew she was lying about the homework earlier. Sure, she had to get some done, but it was Friday night and she had all weekend. Besides, she didn’t even have much and she always left it until the last minute anyways. She didn’t want to think about the homework until at least tomorrow. In hindsight, that was probably exactly why Priyanka called bullshit on the excuse so quickly.

“I actually don’t have homework tonight. Can we just like, watch a movie instead?”

And how could Priyanka say no to her? She could never stay mad at Lemon for long, not that she even was in the first place, and now she was just more worried than anything. So she’d take it upon herself to make sure Lemon felt better by next week, and she’d have her Lemon back. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

She left for a few minutes and left Lemon to pick out a movie for them to watch on her laptop. When she returned, she found Lemon wrapped up under her duvet, laptop in front of her ready to begin Mean Girls. Priyanka let out a sigh of relief that she wasn’t going to make her watch something that would make her cry.

It took twenty minutes for Priyanka to become hyper-aware of Lemon’s body against hers. And it’s not like she was complaining, but also she was falling head over heels for this girl and it was becoming increasingly harder the act like her feelings were entirely platonic. But alas, she kept still, tense even, as she focused hard on the movie, making off-handed comments about how Regina and Janis low-key would have been a power couple. 

It took another twenty minutes for Lemons head to drop onto Priyanka’s shoulder. She chanced a glance at the smaller girl, which led her to find out she had fallen asleep. Waking Lemon up would feel mean, especially since she figured she needed the extra relaxation, she deserved to feel better. However, letting Lemon sleep on her shoulder? Priyanka didn’t know if she’d be able to take it.

But she did. She sat through the last hour of the movie with Lemon breathing softly onto her neck, totally oblivious to her friend's inner turmoil, and only woke her up once the end credits had finished. She lightly shook Lemon until she began to stir and eventually sat up and opened her eyes, only to ask how long she’d been asleep for. She tried to tell Priyanka that she should have just woken her up, instead of letting her sleep on her shoulder like that, saying it was probably just uncomfortable. Priyanka insisted that she didn’t care and Lemon needed the rest.

It only took a minute of awkward silence (something that was unfamiliar to the pair) before Priyanka sat up straight and faced Lemon.

“Okay. You’ve drank your tea. You’ve watched your film. You’ve had your nap. Now tell me what’s wrong” Priyanka was going to get to the bottom of this, whether she liked it or not.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Lemon avoided her gaze, favouring to stare at the walls, or the floor, the window, anywhere but Priyanka and her damn eyes. She knew that the minute she looked into them, she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut, which is exactly what she needed to do if she planned on keeping their friendship. 

Priyanka never let down though. She kept asking until Lemon started to raise her voice, seemingly getting annoyed. But Priyanka knew better. She wasn’t annoyed, she was starting to break the facade.

“Priyanka, I don’t even understand why you’re so certain that something’s wrong with me! I’m fine! Why would I not be!?” Lemon was shouting by now. And she was definitely starting to feel guilty, and absolutely not fine. But it’s not like she could just straight up tell Priyanka that the reason she had been distant was because she was trying not to be in love with her. 

“Because you’re not being a bitch!” Lemon seemed offended for about a second, and then she realised that Priyanka was right. She’d been too soft lately. It’s unlike her to not make some bitchy comment for a laugh, and everyone knew she didn’t actually mean it, but it had become the Lemon Brand.

“Maybe I don’t want to be a bitch anymore. Can I not be nice for once? Sincerely nice? Would you hate it if I let my guard down for a damn day?”

Lemon seemed hurt. Genuinely upset, as if she was asking herself these questions instead of Priyanka. But still, she was so confused. Why was Lemon acting so differently? Was she sick of her? 

“You’re not scared of hurting my feelings are you? Because that-”

“Oh my God, Priyanka. It’s not always about you!”

Except in this situation it was absolutely all about Priyanka, just not in the way she was insinuating. It just didn’t feel right anymore, to have this banter between them. Sometimes Lemon wished she could give a compliment without slapping something she didn’t mean on the end of it. Sometimes she wished she could be able to give Priyanka some kind of clue about what she was feeling, but it was just impossible to be so serious with her. 

“Then what is it about? I promise I’ll drop it if you just explain what’s wrong, I know there’s a reason you haven’t been acting like yourself”

There was no response. Lemon avoided her eyes, looking down into her lap. When Priyanka followed her gaze she found her picking at her fingernails, she noticed her hands were shaking a little. Not much, but just enough to show that she was convincing herself to say something. Priyanka couldn’t lie, she was a little scared. It was unlike Lemon to be so dramatic and secretive about something, especially with Priyanka. They knew almost everything about each other, and they liked it that way. Things had always been so comfortable between them, they could say anything without worrying about the others' reaction. So why was Lemon biting her tongue all of a sudden?

“It just doesn’t feel right anymore, to joke around like that” Her voice was small, reluctant even. Yet, it still didn’t clarify anything to Priyanka, who was still just as confused as before.

“What do you mean?”

Lemon just shook her head and hid her face behind her hands. A muffled “It doesn’t matter” was the closest thing to an answer Pri received. She didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen Lemon like this, so timid. Scared. For someone who constantly said ‘deluded self-confidence’ ws her brand, she surely wasn’t being confident in any sense of the word. Meanwhile, Priyanka softly insisted that whatever the problem was, it did matter. It mattered because she was clearly upset. It mattered because it was stopping Lemon from talking to her. It mattered to Priyanka because it clearly mattered to Lemon.

After Priyanka had tried her best to keep her friend calm and to get her to open up, Lemon’s eyes slowly became glassy. Her lower lip quivered before a tear was shed and soon enough Priyanka was opening her arms and muttering a “c’mere, don’t cry”. It was all ‘you’ll be okay’ and ‘I’ve got you, don’t worry’, until Priyanka’s shirt had a small mascara stain and Lemon pulled away, wiping her eyes and apologising for getting makeup on her shirt. Priyanka didn’t care. If anything, she was just happy Lemon finally let it out, even though she still had no idea what ‘it’ was. 

“You know you can literally tell me anything, right?” 

Lemon sniffled, and nodded with a giggle. She knew she could trust Priyanka, she always had. She just didn’t know if she trusted herself to handle being rejected. But there was no getting out of this one anymore. There was no more running away, no more distancing herself. It was time to bite the bullet. Deep breaths.

“I, uh, I guess I’ve been acting so weird around you because…”

How the fuck was she supposed to say this? 

“It’s okay, Lemon, you trust me right?” Priyanka leaned forward ever so slightly to wipe a stray tear from Lemon’s cheek as she gave a miniscule nod in response.

“Well, I think I just wanted to distance myself for a while? Not because I don’t want to spend time with you! It’s quite the opposite really.”

She could see the cogs turning in Lemons head, trying to think of something else to say, and part of Priyanka wanted to ask Lemon to elaborate. But the other part of Priyanka was thinking about how right it felt to touch Lemon’s cheek, and how close their bodies were, and how pretty Lemon looked. And the way Lemon was looking at her. It was as if she hung all the stars in the sky right then and there, just for Lemon.

And suddenly it all made sense. And Priyanka felt so, so dumb for not noticing it sooner. 

“Wait, Lemon. I get it.”

“No, I really don’t think you do-” She chuckled, not because it was funny, but because there was no way Priyanka knew where she was going with this. She’d tried so hard to hide it from her. But then again, she could never keep something from her for very long anyways.

“Come here” Lemon obliged, slowly scooting herself closer to the girl, watching as her eyes flickered down for just a second and she took a deep breath. 

Maybe Priyanka did get it. 

“You want to kiss me, don’t you?” It was a whisper. A dare. Lemon was happy to accept it.

“And what if I do?” She had no idea where the short burst of confidence came from, or what allowed her to flirt back, but she did it anyway. Maybe it was the way their faces were slowly inching closer together. Maybe it was the way they had locked eyes so intensely she could suddenly see every fleck of colour in Priyanka’s iris’. 

“Then I think you should.”

And Lemon didn’t need to be told twice. She wrapped her arms around Priyanka’s neck, letting her initiate the kiss. She let herself let go of thought, let go of worries about what this made them, and just kissed back as if her life depended on it. Somehow it felt like it did. The kiss itself was soft, the pair much more concerned with letting each other know how they felt more than anything else.

When they eventually pulled apart with plump lips and flushed cheeks, a satisfied smirk sat on Lemon’s lips. 

“I don’t think I wanna be friends anymore”

“Yeah, me neither”

They’d need to have a longer conversation, about what they were now (though they had an idea or two) and how things would change. But for now, both girls were pretty content with lips pressed together and hands tangled in hair.

[thesharondefenseleague]

Ok for like the fetishization/sexualization for mlm in fandom I swear people just missed the point entirely. Like no one is out here complaining that Thor is sexualized in Ragnarok while people do complain about Natasha being sexualized because women being sexualized and fetishsized is the norm it is the default.

We are so conditioned to see images like that with women that sometimes it takes a man depicted in the same way ( like with the Hawkeye initiative) to see how over the top it is.

The problem isnt there are images in existence somewhere of sexualized women its that its the default regardless of who the intended audience is or what the context is. To the point where a women not being sexualized and fetishsized is a refreshing rare take. Men in general don't have this problem. They aren't usually sexualized by default so them being sexualized once in some movie isnt the same as women being sexualized constantly.

So the problem with fanfic and fanart was that this one type of medium where mlm weren't the minority where there was alot of content in many fandoms and where it was the popular content, was also the media where mlm being sexualized was becoming the default. Not that there were sexualized mlm sometimes for certain types of stories or art ( like erotica) but that it was becoming basically the default. Now I will say this stood out more for mlm specifically because men regardless of sexual orientation weren't sexualized by default in non fandom content.

Consider how canon mlm romances or moments were depicted compared to canon wlw romances and moments. So imo we noticed far more and called out alot more fetishization of mlm in fandom than wlw. Because we were so used to the sexualization of women it stood out less.

But still it was good mlm being sexualized didn't become the default in fandom. However the take away seems to have somehow become any mlm or wlw chatacter being sexual and being depicted as sexual is immediately problematic. But that scrutiny is never directed nearly as much towards m/w couples.

And tbh thats true for literally any thing in shipping in fandom mlm and wlw relationships that can be considered problematic on any level are scrutinized so much more than their mlw counterparts unless of course the mlw ship includes someone bipoc.

I remember like 5-7 years ago when misogyny was being called out in fandom especially in shipping culture was becoming more of a thing and I always had to side eye how people so often only used examples of a straight white couple being unpopular as the example. And it was always the straight white couple being unpopular that seemed to get people to call misogyny while couples including bipoc and/or wlw never got that same energy.

Even the few people who actually gave a shit bout sexism and didnt just want to make it problematic to like ships more popular than their otp cared mostly about the depictions of ships between a white guy and white girl in fandom. They spent little to no energy and woc or wlw.

And now it just seems white m/w ships are the easiest and least drama filled things to ship ( by comparison to mlm or wlw ships) unless its so unpopular that its irrelevant or still very new. I don't think thats a coincidence.

You make a lot of great points about how people are sexualized in media and how the fans react/run with what they see.

(Gonna put the rest under the cut since it's long on both sides)

I will say comic books, their movies, and their shows are one of the few places where men are as equally sexualized as women, on top of the intense pressure put on male actors' bodies to have these scenes, though for them the fantasy is intended for male audiences to see and go don't you wish you had a body like theirs unlike for them to see an actress' body with her intense regime and think don't you wish you had them for yourself. The comparison between how a character is drawn in comics and their actor being unable to achieve that extremely unrealistic body is humanizing to the characters. Think that example that comes by your dash now and then of Jackman in male-targeted magazines versus Jackman in female-targeted magazines, and how you can see that reflected in fandom spaces. Since fandoms are often majority women, a lot of modern m/m ships are wanting the softer side of guys based on how they treat each other, and many m/f canon ships are written with little thought past "man kisses woman during/after big battle". I think this is why a lot of audiences when they pick a favorite m/f ship out of Marvel films, it happens to be Steve with Natasha or Wanda with Vision, where they develop a proper relationship beyond if they kiss around a battle.

And we are moving out of the "mlm in film are heavily sexualized" time of media. It's hard to pinpoint when it started, but it's been moving away from it for years. Would like to note that I think this has more to do with mlm films are not always being slapped with the R rating as they used to. Harder for wlw where sexualized women are still considered more taboo, or even straight films with female sexuality shown with her enjoying it.

However I will say there is still a heavy layer of misogyny in fandom towards women if there are any m/f pairings. Remember how people said people tolerated Steve with Peggy because she was considered his past? And then when they were the final couple, people turned on that ship and in turn those shippers? And I've seen people jump through hoops to prove that any woman Bucky flirts with has to be a lesbian so that the ship gets shot down in canon in their own minds because they are afraid of canon validating a ship that interrupts their own. Plus the posts of him needing to be possessive over Sam because Sharon checked him out in episodes 3 and 6, even though this is the only character to have shown any kind of interest in Sam and he never even reciprocated? Fandom misogyny isn't as strong as it might have been, say, five years ago, but it's still heavy in mlm shipping culture.

~Mod R

[buckevantommy]

'(Un)Happiest Season' review

Simply put, it wasn't enjoyable as a romance or a comedy or a Christmas flick. It failed on many fronts, but this reviewer from Salon.com puts the thing into words for Happiest Season's main failings: 

What's bad: There were two main criticisms of "Happiest Season." The first being: Can't LGBTQ audiences have a holiday movie where the main plot isn't about mining the anxiety and trauma associated with coming out, being closeted and casual homophobia? Then there's the fact that Harper really is just kind of the worst. After pushing Abby back in the closet, Harper ditches her in a town where she doesn't know anyone to go drink with her ex-boyfriend until two in the morning, then proceeds to call Abby "suffocating" when called on it. It's a pattern of s**ty behavior that is pervasive and present throughout the movie, so her redemption arc doesn't feel super genuine. 

Why can't we have main queer characters in Christmas movies without their presence being all about their queerness? We want fluffy festiveness, dammit! They could've made Harper less selfish and more attentive while still playing into the *I'm not out yet Because Reasons so we need to hide our gay relationship* trope, but they didn't. Who knows why, but what a waste. 🎄👩‍❤️‍👩☃️

^ Look at that trailer and tell me you don't expect Misunderstandings with fun and tropey antics + Domestic Christmas Shenanigans + Comfort for Hurt! You will be sorely disappointed. 😞 

NOTE: The flick does have a few good moments. And it's probably worth the watch just to see what's missing/mishandled when it comes to queer characters and queer romances in mainstream movies. 

But it's not really fun or funny or heart-warming - where are the snowball fights? Insightful conversations? Christmas elements like eggnog/spiced wine, candycanes, mistletoe? Where are the many colourful side characters and the hungover brunches? We get one scene of ice-skating for a few minutes and it's wasted on sibling rivalry bs rather than, say.. Abby and Harper skating together but not being aloud to touch—omg the tension!! 😍 

There's just not enough comfort for the hurt Abby (Kstew) goes through; the film wholly lacks those warm-n-fuzzy Christmas vibes; there's just way more wrong with it than is right with it - which sucks, because this had the potential to be such a great movie if only Harper was written as less ignorant/selfish and we'd gotten more enjoyable family interactions and more festive fun - like a celebration in town. Instead we get a few limited shots of the adorable town, a crappy bar, and an OTT fancy Christmas party for performative rich white folk on a career path for power and "perfection" (ie. wholesome family values). 

The story they went with was definitely better suited for a dramatic film, so in a romcom setting it really didn't work. Plus the side-characters were flat; we needed more depth from the supporting characters, more meaningful interactions. 

^ Look at those intro credits!! Look at all the domestic happy moments and tell me you don't want to see a movie filled with such fluffy festive goodness!! Well, if you don't want to see such moments, don't worry because you won't. I naturally thought we were going to get this kind of romantic-and-non-romantic happiness dispersed throughout the entire film, but no. Not a one. There's 5 minutes of Happy Couple at the start, and that's it 📸☹️ (unless you count a photo collage of the happy ending and year that follows stuffed into the end credits). 

BTW: That intro song is the most Christmasy song in the whole movie. The soundtrack features modern pop songs which 1) don't help set the festive vibe and 2) are really fucking annoying; the song choices are grating, not pleasant, not enjoyable, and they overpower the scenes with a whole lotta noise. I really wish we'd gotten more tunes like the one above. 🎶 

About the image below—Abby is actually miserable the entire time, getting worse by the day, barely a smile seen on her.. while Harper is the one schmoozing her family and contacts with teeth bared, so.. this image isn't what you'll get, just fyi:

(also: the only POC actors they had were the perfectionist-stone-faced-bitch's husband and his girlfriend - wife + hubby being secretly separated.) 

The things that the Salon reviewer liked are the same things I did (see below), but imho even those elements weren't enough to save this film from being: 

an infuriating 102 minute-comedy of errors buoyed by a healthy dose of gaslighting 

More cons of the flick are pointed out by denofgeek.com: 

Some of its issues come from the structure of the film, which shoehorns very real queer struggles into wacky rom-com tropes too fluffy to contain the stakes at hand. Meanwhile the choice to have one half of the lead couple be so aggressively and repeatedly cruel—while her high school ex Riley, played by the ever-perfect Aubrey Plaza was standing right there having all the chemistry in the world with the other romantic lead—was a fatal one.

It really was a dramatic plot idea crammed into a fluffy narrative. You can see the conflicting genres fighting to stay alive and they both die a slow, agonisingly dull death throughout the film. The whole *Abby being converted to loving Christmas by Harper inviting her to spend the holidays with her family* thing, only to have Harper force their relationship + Abby into the closet. Straight conversion much? I'm 100% sick of heteronormative bs in my queer Christmas films. 

For the most part, when you're not feeling for Abby's harsh treatment by her would-be fiance and everyone but Riley ignoring her completely, you will be bored af from the lack of festive cheer - not just twinkle lights and boisterous seasonal music, but those good ol' homey family Christmas vibes. With the Harper house + family members, everything's a performance, so that lack of sincerity and warmth makes for a depressing viewing experience: 

^ Jane (one of Harper's 2 sisters) is the only character allowed to be consistently genuine in the narrative (aside from John, but he's restricted mostly to phonecalls, and Riley - but even she's keeping Harper's secrets). Jane is the only character who is naturally vibrant and reminds us of some of the reasons we get excited about Christmas movies: to feel joy and to enjoy the company around us during the holiday season! 🎄☃️🥳 But rather than give us a fun day out with Jane + Abby, we get Abby + the second sister (i don't even remember her name, just BitchFace) which leads to more bad treatment of Abby - this time by two spoiled af no-smile rich kids. *le sigh* Jane carries the spark of honest joy for the entire Harper clan and that is TOO MUCH to expect of one character, let alone a side-character. 😪 

There are so many ways the story could've been tweaked to make more sense and be somewhat enjoyable, including: 

The orphan!Abby thing is just bad. Rather than give Abby a voice, chances to let her personality shine, almost everyone interacts with her to merely briefly express their condolences for her long-dead parents 🙄 

Abby is a pet-minder, ie. she's an animal lover, yet at no point do we see her interact with animals! Not a dog or cat or hamster, no reindeer at the petting zoo, nothing. 🐕🐈🦎🦜🐠

Riley + Abby getting together (even just a kiss) 👄 

Abby + Harper separating so Harper can get her shit together - and then we get several flashforward shots of them separately living their lives (Harper especially), and then meeting back up again - maybe the next holiday season, after some much-needed time apart 🏃‍♀️🤸‍♀️ 

side characters who engage with Abby in a sincere, meaningful way instead of ignoring her (again, we got Riley, but she was outside of the family dynamic) 😊 

MORE FESTIVE CHEER! where were all the staple Christmassy passtimes, the smile-inducing season-specific experiences??? 🎉 

More from denofgeek: 

Where the script gets into trouble is that it doesn’t distinguish between Harper being closeted and her poor treatment of Abby. The two are separate issues and treating them as one does no favors to Harper, nor others struggling with the closet. As Dan Levy’s beautiful monologue late in the movie alludes to, the closet is a safety mechanism—but it’s not a free pass to treat people like garbage. [...] 😟🏳️‍🌈

Even a brief conversation teasing out that being in the closet doesn’t justify how Harper acted, and that plenty of people in the closet don’t treat others like trash, would have been important. Instead once Harper is out (which the movie takes pains to make clear only happened because Harper’s sister Sloane outed her), and a gesture so small it could never credibly be called grand is made, all bad behavior is washed away. [...] 😤🙅‍♀️ 

The jarring underlying issue is that 'Happiest Season' attempts to apply the standard rom-com and made-for-TV-holiday-movie tropes to queer life. So Abby having to go back into the closet isn’t framed as a painful regression or being forced to deny an essential part of herself, but rather a fun twist, in the vein of “but the guy she insulted on the plane is the owner of the ornament factory she has to impress to win the Christmas contest!”🚪😒 

All of Harper’s behavior adds up to making her feel like something the audience wants Abby to be free of, not someone Abby should be fighting for. Once Riley tells Abby about Harper’s cruelty in high school, where Harper outed Riley and mocked her rather than standing up for her or finding an excuse that protected them both, it becomes incredibly difficult to root for the lead couple to get back together, or for Harper at all. 👏💃 

With this information, Harper’s other transgressions go from frustrating to part of a larger pattern. Sadly, it’s a pattern Harper repeats when her sister outs her and she throws Abby under the (lesbian) bus. 🤬 

FAVE THINGS: 

all interactions between John (Dan Levy) + Abby (he's witty, honest, and 100% the most entertaining element of the entire film; i wish we'd gotten more of him) 😆 

Riley (Aubrey Plaza, Harper's ex) + Abby's scenes together because CHEMISTRY, both between the characters and the actors 👩‍❤️‍👩

Notable between Abby + Riley scenes include 3 instances of Riley comforting Abby's hurt: outside at the fancy party (Abby feeling excluded/ignored/not worth anyone's time due to the way they treat her even though they don't know she's gay), at a gay bar in town (sandwiched by scenes where Abby's made to feel like crap by Harper), and at the fancy home Christmas party where Riley gets Abby something stronger to drink after hearing Abby was going to propose to Harper (but it's been a helluva shitty week and those plans are dead) 👭 

Every scene with Riley was blessed relief from the hurt and discomfort and boredom of the rest of the time with Harper's family. 🤩 

Sister Jane, for being a genuinely fun character 🤗 who was written starkly different to her family and treated somewhat like an outcast 

Aubrey + Kstew killin it in various pantsuits 👀 

In contrast, Riley connects Abby to queerness, bringing her to an LGBTQ bar to decompress and enjoy a Christmas-themed drag performance. It’s the most relaxed and comfortable Abby is on screen since the opening scenes, a chance to glimpse Abby’s authentic self before Harper summons her back to heterosexuality, and where she once again ignores and disappoints her. Riley actually talks to Abby at the various holiday parties whereas Harper keeps leaving her to please her family, especially her father. It’s not hard for the natural chemistry between Plaza and Stewart to take over

I wouldn't watch this film again. For a hopeful Christmasy love story I'd just watch all Abby + Riley's scenes: 

In closing, here's a batshit article title from observer.com that just makes you go, huh? 🧐:

‘Happiest Season’ Isn’t Happy, But That Doesn’t Make It a Bad Rom-Com

Um.. yes, yes it does. 

Rom-Coms are supposed to be fun, light-hearted stories about love even when the plot deals with lying - The Proposal, Sweet Home Alabama - so a movie that leaves you hurting more than comforted in sympathy with one of the main characters because the (apparent) love of their life is treating them like shit, then it doesn't deserve to be in the genre of Rom-Com. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨💞🎬

In summary, Abby and Harper got 5 minutes of happiness in the beginning, and an eventual happy ending after a super rocky middle. The journey was painful and unenjoyable, and it made their happy ending unbelievable and, for Harper, undeserved because of her behaviour through 90% of the story. 

In short: it was not, in fact, the happiest season. 😕👎

[in-this-body-of-mine]

To The Bone (2017) - Analysis and Charting

Let’s go! I’m NOT excited because life is hard but what better way to distract myself than to do this kind of shit. No one cares, anyways.

Since this is the first one, let me tell you what we’re gonna do here. I’ll include the IMDB summary, a summary with spoilers, the placements in the chart, we’ll go over each item (also, spoilers abound) and finally my review and final thoughts. Yes, it’s gonna be long. Read at your own risk.

IMDB summary:  A young woman, dealing with anorexia, meets an unconventional doctor who challenges her to face her condition and embrace life.

Summary with spoilers: Lily Collins plays Ellen/Eli and from the start of the movie she is on the brink of her disease. She was just kicked out of a recovery center and she gets an appointment with a ~cool unconventional doctor~ played by Keanu Reeves. She goes into ANOTHER inpatient treatment home to be treated by him. Shit happens, she seems to be getting better somehow, but then she spirals down, runs away, and after a... near death experience (I wish this was an euphemism) she decides to try recovery again and goes back to the treatment home. That’s where the movie ends.

Chart placements!

Now for each item:

White: Ellen or Eli is played by Lily Collins, who once played Sandra Bullock’s daughter in that movie were she was a Karen. It doesn’t get whiter than that.

Female: She changes her name to Eli mid film (which is how I’ll be calling her here bc we respect chosen names in this household) but she still seems to identify as female and be referred to as such, so here we have it. We do have a guy in the treatment home, but we’ll come back to him later.

Teenager/Young adult: I’m pretty sure she is 19 but every review I see says she’s 20. Either way, she dropped out of college even though she just started it. The actress, however, was 28 at the time the movie was released.

Wealthy/seemingly well-off: Her family has the money to send her to inpatient a bunch of times, and they make a point to mention how they have connections so she didn’t have to wait in line to see this new doctor. Case closed.

Skinny actress from the start: As we know, Lily Collins is already thin and she did struggle with anorexia in the past. Why, however, did she lose weight for this movie? They said it was her decision “to make the character more authentic”. As if not being skin and bones wouldn’t be enough. As if eating disorders don’t come in every size. They shouldn’t let her. The need to shock people is a very dangerous sign to me.

No distinctive personality or hobbies/interests: I’m glad Eli has a thing she loves. It’s not super present, but it’s there, and it’s plot relevant. She loves art and in the story, she had a tumblr (look, it’s us!) where she shared drawings related to her ED and a girl liked her drawings so much that, when she killed herself, she mentioned Eli by name in a note. But that isn’t really explored too much and I kind of got disappointed by that.

Good student: We don’t really know about that... and I don’t think it matter, it’s ok.

Seemingly irrelevant love interest: Why? Just why do we need Luke? Luke is the only guy in the home, and we can SEE that he’s only there to be Eli’s love interest. He wasn’t needed. None of the important plot points have anything to do with him. Make her date a girl. Make her date NO ONE. This is about eating disorders. She could have closer friends in the house. Why was this necessary. Her whole speech about how love is a lie could come from a friendship but no. They had to shove pretty white boy there.

Daddy issues (sometimes coupled with mommy issues): I find this extremely funny but her dad isn’t in the movie. At all. He’s alive and well, but he makes a point to never come home when Eli is even awake. I don’t think they cast an actor for that. As for mothers, she has three, and it’s a trip. Her stepmom on her dad’s side is very out of touch but she wants what’s best for Eli, but she really hates Eli’s biological mom. Bio mom, in turn, is described as a “bipolar lesbian” and the stereotypes are just... ugh. Bio mom has a wife and she is a bit weird too. They sent Eli to live with her absent dad bc “they couldn’t deal with it anymore”. This brings us to a great scene where we can see Eli shrinking in her seat and when the psychiatrist asks her what she is feeling she says “I’m sorry I’m not a person anymore. I’m a problem.” And that’s great to see. But at the same time, I hate that her whole issue in this movie seems to come from her family and anorexia is just a thing that happened, with some vague references to control. 

*Triggering event*: We never see it and it’s okay - but I kind of wanted some more explorations of motives because we have ZERO.

Anorexia as diagnosis: As I always say, what is even the point of making a cool looking movie about EDs if your protagonist is not only anorexic, but also terminally anorexic? Ugh. That’s the only portrayal of anorexia that happens in media and I’m fucking tired.

Checklist of habits (manual for those looking for one): I mean, I mark this down but as I always say: everything is a manual if you’re looking for one. But if you’re doing more than not eating or purging or exercising I’ll judge it as a new tip. A lot of us already thought of/did most of them probably. But the marking remains.

Inpatient treatment (or extended hospital stay): As I said, she is kicked out of one treatment center and goes straight into another. What fucks me up is that the movie HAS other characters with other diagnosis, but we never see anything about them. We don’t see their journey. We only know Luke is a dancer bc he is the love interest. We only know Megan is pregnant and then she’s not bc this sends Eli in a spiral. We only know Kendra is not straight bc she makes a joke about it (and Doctor Beckham follows with a horrible joke about conversion therapy). Did you notice Ciara Bravo was in this movie? I didn’t on first viewing. She has like two lines. The whole movie is centered around Eli and every scene in the house feels like all the other patients only care about her too.

Emotional tipping point: Megan loses her baby and for some reason this affects Eli. Luke kisses Eli and for some reason she’s pissed. At that point, I was annoyed. She has a bad session with Doctor Beckham who basically tells her to grow a pair and stop complaining (which is insensitive as a doctor, but as a person I wanted to do the same) and she decides to quit and leave. She has to go to her mother’s home and I’m supposed to care. Stepmom is mad but doctor says she needs to hit rock bottom. She weights like 70 pounds dude. Rock bottom was about ten pounds ago, next stop is a coffin, mate.

Mom hugs: And here we have the emotional turn around of the movie and it’s just... make it make sense. She goes to her bio mom’s ranch. Her stepmom # 2 tells they’ll have therapy with horses (?). Eli goes sleep in a tent and bio mom cries and says she accepts if Eli wants to die. Very supportive I guess. They have this weird bonding moment where the mom feeds her a bottle like a baby and look, if you liked that, good for you, but I don’t get what I was supposed to feel about it (but that’s mom hug #1). She goes on a hike next morning and... dies? Either way she has an out of body experience where she talks to Luke and sees how she looks - which is weird to me. Didn’t we go over this in the beggining of the movie? Didn’t we establish that she does know what she looks like and doesn’t care? But still she seems shocked and they have a cryptical conversation and she wakes up. And just like that, she’s ok now. She meets up with the other stepmom (mom hug # 2) and goes back to the home.

Happy ending: In the last scene Eli is back to the home and we understand she’s going to try to recover for real this time. I’m okay with that specifically, I think it would be bad if they pretended she just got better with no relapses and everything is fine, but it’s a hopeful ending. Despite the fact that we have no idea if she won’t have a fit and leave in two days and that we never know anything about anyone else and Megan, who lost the baby, never comes back. It’s fine. At that point, I didn’t expect much.

Analysis: I was hesitant to be critical bc this movie was based on the real life experiences of the director and Lily Collins. But fuck it, this is my circus and I’ll clown as much as I want. While I do understand that, I have a lot of thoughts.

Mainly, I need to say that while I understand this is her story, this is a story that was told so many times. I’m tired.

The general public that wants to defend the movie says “well you can’t tell ALL stories”, and while I agree, these people probably only saw this movie about the subject. If you HAVE (or had) and eating disorder, you probably saw tons. And they ALL tell the same story. Which is why I started that chart in the first place.

This movie does have good moments. I do like the acting, I saw people complaining about Keanu Reeves performance - but I do know these were people who disliked the movie entirely. I think his performance was great, Lily Collins performance was great, and their chemistry was great. The best scenes in the movie happened between the two of them. The one thing that I LOVED was their first interaction when he calls her on her bullshit. “You’re not thin, you scare people, and I think you like that.” YES. I never heard anyone talk about that. And I guess I’ll never will, bc the movie itself never talk about this again either. Also when she justifies the tumblr where her art triggered a girl so much, she says that she was just drawing what she knows, he calmly tells her that she can draw, but she doesn’t have to share it online tho. I liked their interactions because often ED patients are treated with silk gloves (is that the expression?) and sometimes there is a need for some though love. I also love Liana Liberato who plays her sister and that’s about it.

The problem with the doctor ends up being: what’s his method? How are you going to cure her? The method makes no sense. I don’t see the reasoning. I don’t think anyone does. And somehow it works and she goes back there. 

I think my major problem with the movie is that it has the same issues every ED portrayal before it. It’s the same story again. I think it shines the most in the whole “it’s not about food, it’s about control!”. It IS about food though. For a lot of people, it is. Maybe not for this director or for Lily Collins, but for so many people it is about food. It’s about control as well, and it is possible that there is other factors related to it, but you can’t chalk it all up to a control issue and pretend it’s just whatever. If the food didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be an eating disorder.

Because of that, we have this heavy focus on her family issues and nothing to do with food. We have people trying to rationalize - maybe it’s bc your mom is a lesbian, maybe it’s bc i didn’t bond with you as a baby - and all that does is to make her lesbian bipolar mother seem like a crazy asshole and her dad seem like an absent asshole as if this is the only factor here. Give me SOMETHING. Any connection to food. Any sense. Nope. She just won’t eat bc her family is fucked up. Hoe, that’s all of us.

And I think the movie unintentionally DOES glamourize anorexia. Subtly, yes, but it does. Eli has SUCH an easy time refusing food. She doesn’t seem to think about food as much as she thinks about herself and her family and Luke and being annoying. She knows a bunch of calories and she overexercises. Idk.  Not to mention that moment when Kendra asks her about purging and she says “it’s not her thing”. I mean. It is no one’s thing. No one likes it. It’s a compulsion. And if you have anorexia that severe and you are not with a feeding tube, you do eat every now and then, and you do have purging mechanisms. If she had said she prefers overexercising as a purging mechanism than to throw up, I would believe her. But the movie acts as if she just never eats ever and somehow she’s still standing. Give her a feeding tube then. It would be more believable.

I know it sounds kind of ranty, but my point here is: this extremely anorexic girl, that looks like a sack of bones, and gets that by never eating and doing crunches all the time, it is the wet dream of a fatphobic society with a 71 billion weight loss industry. This is the dreamy and frugal idea of anorexia that people have when they are deep into the illness - not when they recovered as the people involved say they did. I get that this is a very personal project. But it’s flawed. It doesn’t do anyone any favors. It just tells the same story, for the millionth time, but since this time it was in a big platform, more people saw it, and it was better done, with a better budget and with a good enough resolution so I can see every bone in Lily Collins body.

Anyway, that’s it for today. If you read all of that, thanks. Since this is Netflix, I’m assuming everyone saw, but the other movies are out there and if you need liks, hit me up. Be back soon.

[kajaono]

Thoughts about gay rumors for Sherlock Holmes 3

When I saw the news this morning i fall down the rabbit hole again and wanted to share my theories with you.

First at all, I think we are all aware those are just rumors about a movie that did not even started filming yet. So many things can still change. Nevertheless I think there is a little bit of thruth in this rumor. Here me out please.

The treatment of queercoded characters has changed in the last few years. We still do not have reached the point were action heros are allowed to confess their love for eachother, leave alone kiss, but we are making baby steps into that direction. We had Negasonic and Yukio being girlfriends in Deadpool, with actually using the word “girlfriend”. Hikaru Sulu having a husband and daughter. Cherik who were not seperated and killed off in the end, but ended up in Paris, the city of love, offering eachother a ring chess men and asking eachother to move in together. And most recently the producer of New Mutants confirming that his movie will feature an openly lesbian love story.

So you see how the focus starts shifting from making side characters queer to making the actually heros queer. Still, a love confession or kiss is something we are far away from. Nevertheless RDJ Johnlock was allways really touchy. With locking their arms, holding hands, hugging and most imortantly dancing. If they add some extra more touches and jealousy it would not change much for the “regular” straight white dude bros viewer

Sure we have to keep in mind that “We got it covered” is not an official source. So their “rumors” and “inside sources” are often “hit and miss”. BUt we are not talking about Marvel here. There are no fake script and fake leaks to confuse the audience. There are not new rumors every day, most of them condradicting eachother. RDJ Sherlock Holmes 3 is too small for so many rumors. In the last few months "We Got It Covered” only published a few rumors about SH3 and they are really sticking to most of them.

Also when reading the actual article it says: “There is a workshop who wishes to take it further”. Most of the time only small bits of these workshops actually end up on screen, because lets admit, Hollywood movies are about money and many people do not want to watch an openly gay couple. But even with just a few things of the work shop ending in the final movie they would still influence the story and push it further to “canon Johnlock” then the last movies. Not perfect but every step is a good step.

Also Jude Law was allways open to an openly love relationship between Holmes and Watson (”it is a rom com”)

And the script writer wrote for Hannibal. You have to know how to write homeoerotic relationships when you write Hannibal

So in conclusion I would say, we will not see a love confession of any kind, but we will most probably see something that symbolysis a love confession (like Erik offering Charles a ring chess figure). They will move into 221B again and both are completly free of any bounds to women. And there will be a lot of jealousy, that can be seen as “Funny banter between two bros being bros” but someone only needs one remaining brain cell to know that it is actually romantic jealousy

So.... semi-canon Johnlock. But i seriously have to admit that i do not know how they can make RDJ Johnlock more gay and touchy while still hiding it from the homophobes. They even had kissing outtakes in A Game of Shadows. And what comes after dancing, hand holding, hugging and dancing? Kissing... so I am confused...

[westudiedfilmfor3years]

Our First Episode: The Bechdel Test and its Various Offspring

Maddy: Hello and welcome to our podcast, "We Studied Film For Three Years And All We Got Was This Podcast". I'm one of your hosts, Maddy Raven. I'm a third-year theatre and film student.

Jemima: I'm Jemima. I'm also a third year, but just straight film student.

Sarah: And I'm Sarah. And I'm also studying film and television.

Maddy: So this podcast is going to be about film criticism, specifically focusing on diversifying female voices in film criticism, because we think that there are a lot of male, straight white voices in film criticism. Shout out to Michael, who is a straight white male editor.

Maddy: He's looking from side to side!

Jemima: We love Michael.

Maddy: And we're putting this together partly as part of our assessment. So this will be assessed, but also because we want to talk about films and we like to talk about films and we have super interesting conversations about them.

Maddy: And we want to share them with the world because frankly, my opinions are fantastic, actually. And I'm going to force them on everyone else.

Jemima: Yeah, our opinions matter. And because we've kind of done three years of this, I think that we can all agree we have a kind of educated response to films that we just want to put across and create a dialogue about.

Jemima: But at the same time, we want to keep it informal. We want every person, people that don't watch films often know nothing about the theory of it,  and then the people who have also studied it as well. We just want to make it fun, accessible and yeah, hope you enjoy it.

Maddy: We'll also be having guests on the show, hopefully including, you know, like friends, even family, I'll get my dad to come on and rant about how much he loves Jeff Bridges. My dad is like a massive crush on Jeff Bridges. And he's like, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm sure I'm straight.

Maddy: It's like, you are gay for Jeff Bridges, like so gay for Jeff Bridges, it's ridiculous.

Maddy: But having people on to talk to people from the film industry as well and hopefully talk about various things to do with the industry as well, because as everyone knows, it is really difficult to get into the film industry and hopefully at least one of us will somehow make it there and we will be able to share knowledge.

Jemima: Yeah, let's hope all of us, but at least one that would be great.

Maddy: There's four of us, one in four should make it. Yeah.

Jemima: Twenty-five percent. That's fine. 

Maddy: So each episode will be about like a topic. We like topics. It's a general topic and we're going to start out. Oh my God, my text has disappeared from my notes. That's terrifying.

Maddy: So we just thought we'd start out pretty gentle and start by talking about the Bechdel test, which since it came out as part of Allison Bechdel's comic, which came out I think was in the 70s when I can't find it in my notes. 

Sarah: I think that one was from nineteen eighty-five.

Maddy: Nineteen eighty five. Thank you Sarah.

Maddy: Since then it has become, you know, this huge thing it has come so far since then, and there's even a website where you can go and search up your favourite films and we'll be talking about some of our favourite films and why they passed the test and why they don't and how we feel about that and also why the Bechdel Test exists, in our opinion. So, um, Sarah, do you mind giving us a little rundown of what the Bechdel Test is? Because you sound super knowledgeable and smart.

Sarah: Thank you. Sure. So it's called the Bechdel-Wallace Test, it originates from a comic strip called The Rule by Allison Bechdel from 1985, part of her comic called Dykes to Watch Out For.

Sarah: Yeah, lesbians to watch out for lesbians, lesbians substituting a word that can be considered a slur.

Sarah: And yeah, basically these two characters in the comic strip, they're walking past the cinema, I think, talking about movies. And one of them says how they only go to see a film if it passes three simple rules. 

Sarah: So it needs to have at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than men.

Sarah: And I think since then, people have added that the female characters need to have names, so, yeah, it started off as just a kind of tongue in cheek little joke about how few films actually do have something really simple, like two women in them. And I think, yeah, Alison Bechdel said this is inspired by a conversation she had with her friend Liz Wallace, which is why sometimes it's called the Bechdel-Wallace test. But since then, yeah, critics have kind of rolled it and made a more official kind of way to look at films.

Maddy: Yeah, yeah, that's it. So have any of you seen Pacific Rim?

Jemima: Yeah, wait, there's more to say about that.

Jemima: There's the whole Virginia Woolf thing. OK, so also another thing is that Alison Bechdel, she prefers it to be called the Bechdel-Wallace test just because they created it together and she got most of the credit. That's one thing to say. And then the Virginia Woolf thing, she read A Room of One's Own and thought that was a great way of just kind of encouraging the feminist writings to be transferred onto film.

Jemima: So this test should be really easy to just apply. Another thing as well: there's an additional, Sarah, you said the named character one. The other one is a total of more than 60 seconds of conversation. That's another important one.

Maddy: So what is A Room of One's Own, because I've not actually read the book. So when you say the Virginia Woolf thing, what do you mean?

Jemima: So it's a nineteen twenty-nine essay.

Jemima: "All these relationships between women, I thought, rapidly recalling the splendid gallery of my fictitious woman, utterly simple. And I try to remember any case in that course of my readings where two women are represented as friends. They are now and then mothers and daughters are almost without exception, they are shown in relation to men.

Jemima: It was strange to think that all the great women of fiction were, until Jane Austen's day, not only seen by the other sex but seen only in relation to the other sex. And how small a part of a woman's life is that?

Maddy: Oh, that's quite pretty, actually. Maybe I should read that, I'll say that, but I won't read it for years to come because I'm bad at concentrating,

Sarah: You can borrow it if you'd like.

Maddy: Yeah, I would. Genuinely, I wish I could read, but I'm probably sitting down and doing it. So obviously, the Bechdel test is a pretty simple test. It has been elaborated on slightly, but I've read a lot of articles about this and in particular, people notice that certain films were passing the test, while other films were failing them. There was such a disparity, like it said here, like Pacific Rim fails the Bechdel Test, despite having like this badass woman, called Mako Mori, she's a Japanese fighter like she because she kicks this guy's ass like ten minutes into the film. It's amazing because the film fails the test essentially and somehow, Thor passes it.

Maddy: So, you know, people are wondering how do we- how do we remedy this? So a Tumblr user called Chila invented the Mako Mori test after watching Pacific Rim. And you will pass this test if you have one female character who gets her own narrative arc that is not supporting a man's story. So moving on from, they have the bare minimum, which is like two female characters talking about, you know, something other than a man to each other: it's also at least one of these women getting a narrative arc and getting to live her own life. And it's not because of a guy, basically.

Maddy: And then Roxane Gay, who is fantastic, you should follow her on Instagram, we love her. She proposed this six-part test. And it says, is there a central female character who is supporting female characters, who doesn't compromise herself for love or live extravagantly for no explained reason? And at least half the time is this character, a woman of colour, transgender and/or queer?

Maddy: And there's also a sixth point, which is a requirement, which is the suggestion that female characters shouldn't have to live up to an unrealistic feminist standard. They can be flawed so long as they feel like they're human beings because, you know, like women, in order to win a place in film a lot of time, it's almost as if women have to be on their best behaviour. They have to be really good. And that's something I'm particularly interested in. I'm really interested in women that are horrible people. I am obsessed with Gone Girl. It's a little bit of a problem. But the Cool Girl Monologue, it changed my life. I know everyone says that everyone, everyone on Twitter was just like the Cool Girl Monologue created so many monsters. And yes, it should have done because I love it. I love women who are horrible. And I think we should allow women to be horrible in films as well. And I think we should allow them to be angry and cry. And just off the top of my head, just like I've seen so many amazing, like montages like this, especially like I tried to with my social media feeds, with a lot of like women that are talking about film and just watching female rage on screen can be so exciting sometimes. Like, um, have any of you watch Lovecraft Country yet? 

Jemima: Yeah, I have.

Maddy: When she smashes the car windows with the baseball bat.

Jemima: Yeah. Yeah. And then everyone's like, oh, I can smash windows too. Yeah.

Maddy: And there's also like well - what were some other examples I was thinking about? Ready or Not. We studied that a couple of weeks ago with Peter Falconer in our Contemporary Hollywood cinema unit. She's just screaming at her husband. She's so angry she doesn't even have words anymore. She just starts yelling. And I'm like, yes, you know, I love that. I've got away from myself. Yeah. I just love women who are horrible people, and I think that should be more of them. Yeah.

Jemima: And Carrie is an awesome one to do female rage about. Of course, she's a flawed, flawed character, but we have compassion for Carrie. We understand her because she has depth to her.

Jemima: And that's all we want, female characters with depth, motivation. We can determine throughout the film, not just prancing off to a man.

Maddy: So then the next test after that was the Sexy Lamp Test, which was made by Kelly Sue DeConnick. I love the name: Sexy Lamp Test. It's quite easy to pass. You pass it if your female character, it could be replaced by a sexy lamp without the plot falling apart. You're a fucking hack. So, yeah, I'm thinking back to maybe, X-Men First Class where that woman who like turns to diamond half the time follows - is it Kevin Bacon? I think it is Kevin Bacon. It's like she's one of the baddies, I swear, because, like, all she does is just be hot, have boobs and turn to diamonds sometimes. I fully believe, like, she could literally turn into a sexy lamp at any point through the film and nothing would change.

Jemima: Like, I mean, her turning into diamonds is kind of commenting on that itself, she's nothing but a mere object of desire in that way.

Maddy: And just talking about like, yeah, if she could literally be replaced by a lamp and the plot wouldn't change. You've got an issue with your female character. And then when you put all these tests together, it's been put together and formed the Crystal Gems test. So it's named after the heroes in Steven Universe, which I still haven't watched and still need to watch Steven Universe.

Maddy: And it creates this big triangle. And you just kind of you can mark whether or not it passes the tests and it creates a cute little graph. And there's also other stuff like the Ellen Willis test, so that requires the story to make sense if the genders were flipped. So I'm thinking about Overboard! Have any of you seen Overboard?

Jemima: The new one?

Maddy: Yeah, I'm thinking about the fact that they swap the genders for the new version like it's problematic both ways. Just for context, Overboard, is it Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn? Yeah, so she's like this rich woman living on a boat and he's like a workman on the boat. And I think they get into that argument because she's a dick and he pushes her off the boat - I don't know, she falls off the boat. She gets amnesia and then he's somehow got a load of kids. His wife is dead or something, I think. And he's got loads of kids. And so instead of like a normal human being, when he finds that she has amnesia, she goes to the police station and she doesn't know where she is, who she is, instead of being like a normal non-psychotic human being and just leaving her on her own, after he's basically- actually I don't think he pushes her off the boat. He takes her home and tells her that she's his wife and makes her help him raise the kids. I think it's supposed to be this comment about like teaching her humility and teaching her to be a good person. But it's not that. It is kidnap. 

Jemima: It's like 50 First Dates. I had a real, real big problem with the fact that she could not consent to any of the dates. She was vulnerable. She had a disability. She was basically being forced to, like, fall in love with Adam Sandler. And great, cute I understand the rom-com assets of that, but at the same time, like you do not know this person. She wakes up every day. Like just because you've invested so much in her does not mean she should be forced to hang out with you every hour of the day and love you.

Jemima: You know, it's just a bit crazy.

Maddy: So, then they obviously remade Overboard, but they were like, oh, instead of, like, remaking it - obviously people would have had an issue with it if they'd remade it today with the same role models, everyone would've refused. Actually not everyone, sane human people would have been like, this is fucked up. You can't just kidnap women and tell them that your wife because they've got amnesia. But like, they decided to swap the gender roles as if that made it better. So this is Chris Pratt's ex-wife. 

Jemima: You just called her Chris Pratt's ex-wife!

Maddy: I did! Because I've been thinking about him a lot and the fact that he's a conservative and he's like a horrible, homophobic Christian.

Jemima: Allegedly.

Maddy: Allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly. Oh, no. I'm already getting sued.

Maddy: But yeah, I was just thinking about - it's still messed up, even if it's a girl kidnapping a guy, it's still messed up. But then in that way, I guess it does pass the Ellen Willis test.

Sarah: It's an awful idea.

Maddy: And in the last one, the last test I really do like is called the Tauriel, the one the Evangeline Lily plays in the altogether too long Hobbit franchise. The one who falls in love with Aidan Turner. 

Maddy: Anyway, it's a test that says that if there's going to be a woman in the film where she works a job the same as a load of guys, she has to be good at what she does. At least one woman has to be good at her job because they never have jobs. It's always like, you're a housewife. That's your job.

Jemima: You're a mother and a wife first and that is your job.

Maddy: Exactly, like if there's going to be a woman, she's going to have a job and she's going to be good at that job. Just one, the rest can be terrible. Just one. Just one of them has to be a smart human being who is capable.

Maddy: That's all we want.

Jemima: Practical skills. I don't know her.

Maddy: Yes, exactly.

Michael: I've had to not interject like three times. The sexy lady from X-Men is called Emma Frost. And turning into diamond is her secondary mutation. And they've just they've just really badly represented the character on film. I'll defend her.

Jemima: When I was like 15, I read this autobiography by one of the world's most famous groupies from the 60s and 70s. Reread it the other day. And it's the most horrendous anti-feminist paedophilic disgustingness I have ever read. I don't know. It's like glamorising everything. And of course, it was a sign of the times. But like even in her, like, epilogue, she was just like, I excuse myself and my behaviour, it's all fine and it's like, no.

Jemima: So I guess it just takes a twenty-first century perspective on things, isn't it? To reflect, hopefully.

Maddy: Yeah, so I guess. Oh, there are so many more tests I could go into if you guys are up for that

Jemima: Do you reckon we should start doing the film stuff? 

Maddy: Yeah, I would like to mention, though, just to make it clear that I'm not a terrible person. There are also lots of tests. So the Deggans rule requires a show that's not about race to include at least two non-white human characters in the main cast.

Maddy: The Morales Rule by actor Natalie Morales, asks that no one calls anybody papi, dances to salsa music, or uses gratuitous Spanish if they're a latinx character.

Maddy: And one of my personal favourites is the DuVernay test, or sometimes referred to as the Kent test, after Clarkisha Kent. She's an interesting film critic. A piece of work passes it if African-Americans and other minorities have fully realised lives rather than serve as scenery in white stories. That makes me think back to The Help, you know, Viola Davis. She's been saying, I regret being part of that film, but a lot of the time it is about making sure that you're not just including women and giving them a seat at the table, but making sure that people of colour and people who are queer as well because there's also - I'm not how to say this, I'm probably going to butcher it, the Vito-Russo test.

Maddy: There are three requirements to pass this test. The film must contain a lesbian, gay or bisexual or transgender character. That character must not be predominantly defined by the orientation or their gender identity. They need to be as unique as straight cis characters, and they must be important enough to affect the plot. They can't just crack some jokes or paint urban authenticity.

Maddy: There's also the Topside test for trans literature and there are plenty of other tests like the Finkbeiner Test for non-fiction and the Lauredhel test for toys. So there's loads of tests. The Bechdel test started quite a few movements in film, and it's all very interesting. So I think next we're going to be looking at some of our favourite films and seeing whether or not they pass the test.

Maddy: And you are welcome to judge us and our favourite films, as I'm sure you will. And I'm sure we'll judge each other. 

Jemima: Please do. 

Maddy: I think Jemima should go first. 

Jemima: Well, I have a few that I can pick from. I think a good one to start would be - have any of you guys in Starship Troopers? OK, so any one of us, which is Michael and he doesn't even speak a lot, so we'll get him to speak - unmute yourself at this point.

Jemima: OK, I'm going to quiz you on it. Do you think it's a feminist film?

Michael: Isn't like - they're fighting bugs, right? Yeah, isn't like the main enemy, like the queen bug.

Jemima: OK, I'm talking about interpersonal, human relationships.

Michael: Yeah, I think there's only two female characters and they're both trying to, like, vie for the attention of one male character. If I remember.

Michael: Is that right?

Jemima: But what is it? What I find to be really interesting about the film is that, basically, the protagonist, male, heterosexual character, he goes into the army because his girlfriend encourages it, she's in the army, he's like, I don't know what to do. I'm going to follow Carmen to the army.

Jemima: And that is a switch from tradition - it's gender play, which I enjoy. And also the other female character, called Izzy, who also enters the army. But her motivation is to get the protagonist because she fancies him. But they met because they both played American football together on the same team. And it's a Paul Verhoeven film. Paul Verhoeven works a lot with eroticism. So you can see the kind of anti-feminist stuff from sexualising women, but at the same time. 

Michael: Is it Showgirls?

Jemima: Yeah, the same time he's giving female voices power and narrative arcs and all this stuff. And I really enjoy it. And I think when I was a kid, some of my favourite films like Starship Troopers, Aliens, all of that stuff, I really enjoy strong female protagonists. And I think he got somewhere with it, although there's a lot of tits and ass. But you got somewhere. 

Jemima: I don't even know - this is just talking to you guys. But I don't even know if it's good to talk about film if we haven't watched it or whatever, because it's hard because you guys haven't got much to comment on those two.

Maddy: Interesting comment.

Sarah: Yeah. I mean, we can cut it out later if it doesn't work, but like you have some interesting stuff say so like. Go ahead.

Jemima: Thank you. I'll just do a bit on the Bechdel test. So the movie does have at least two women in it, surprisingly, only two though. Some of the other women are nameless characters like you do have women captains, all of that stuff. But yeah, I think the point of having women able to do like military stuff, at a time when women couldn't even do that in the 90s. So I appreciate that. And I think it's much better than our world at that point. So that's a good point. And then they don't talk to each other. That's one that interests me. They only talk in relation to the guy. I think - I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but one of the females dies halfway through, so they can't really talk to each other. Plus, it's all narratives in different parts of space and time and super difficult. Three: about something other than a man. Well, obviously, that's not applicable because they don't talk to each other. And when they do discuss it, it's all about men. And then two additional points that we could make is: two women must be named characters, they are called Carmen and Dizzy, so that's yes and/or they must have at least a total of 60 seconds of conversation. If I was to manipulate this, I would say at least 60 seconds of action, because they're both strong, physically strong women in the film. And you see that throughout. Carmen, at the end, she's like there, fully, with this giant bug and all the men and all the army surrounding her, but she keeps her cool and she survives an awful lot and she does it all by herself.

Jemima: So I think that's a good point. Yeah, that's me done.

Maddy: How about Sarah next?

Sarah: So one of my favourite movies is Lady Bird, have we we all seen that one?

Jemima: Yes.

Sarah: So, written and directed by Greta Gerwig, films that are written and directed by women, well, more likely than films written and directed by men, it seems, Lady Bird does pass all of the features of the Bechdel test because when women write, we know that we have lives and we speak to women. And that's a normal thing that would happen in, you know, a character's life.

Sarah: Yeah, we've got several named female characters who are friends who have conversations about various things. They do talk about men now and then. But like that isn't their only interest in life.

Sarah: I think that Lady Bird's like a pretty good bit of female representation, I mean, the characters are quite well rounded, the main character, Lady Bird, but she's a likeable character that lot of people, you know, relate to in some way, but she isn't, like, flawless, she's quite emotional, but not in a sort of derogatory hysterical kind of way - in a kind of stereotyped fashion.

Maddy: Yeah, I was just thinking I've just been thinking about the fact that we've also been looking at Little Women, which is obviously also directed by Greta Gerwig, this term as once again, as part of our Hollywood unit. And I was thinking about, you know, the moment not that not the proposal moment, but the bit where Joe is in the attic with her mom and she's talking about, you know, her life.

Maddy: And she goes women. They have minds and they have souls as well as just hearts. And they've got ambition and they've got talent as well as just beauty. I'm so sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for. And I think Greta Gerwig does that very well. I mean, it's the same actress both times. It's Saoirse Ronan and I think they're a very good duo.

Maddy: And I think you're right. You know, female directors and female writers, they are women, they talk to other women a lot of the time, hopefully. And they are aware of the fact that, you know, I can't believe I have to say this, but we have complex inner lives. We have thoughts and stuff.

Maddy: I have many opinions, like I've said, and we deserve to have them represented on screen.

Maddy: And I think for Greta Gerwig, despite the overwhelming whiteness of a lot of the people that she casts in her films, she does a very good job of showing, you know, a particular type of female character.

Maddy: And she's very good at teenage girls as well, I think. Yeah, very good at that age group. And she clearly remembers her own adolescence quite well. And she does a very good job of just kind of like, talking about that kind of stuff. I don't know. I rate her for it, I think it's pretty cool.

Jemima: Yeah. I think one of the great things about Greta is the fact that she has completely found a niche in the market. How many times have like we heard about a mother-daughter film? Not a lot like - can we think of any right now?

Maddy: Still Alice, I think is it called?

Jemima: Yeah, that's one.

Maddy: I guess, is My Sister's Keeper a mother-daughter film?

Jemima: We do not talk about that film. *inaudible giggling*

Jemima: Yeah, so Greta really works with the kind of bringing - fleshing out people, not just women, people, and then bringing the interplay between them into question. Just flawed characters - we all have- like, we still love each other. We all make mistakes. And her films really brilliantly portray that. And growing up is also like coming of age films, heart-wrenching. And I really enjoy the fact that, like at the end of the film, I feel like men, women, children, anyone can get something out of Lady Bird, get something out of Little Women.

Jemima: But one additional point is that Little Women, the text of it, she is like the film is- it basically keeps the fidelity with the book, so the literature is really, really ultra-feminist, of course.

Jemima: With Little Women, she obviously was inspired by the text and kind of did it in a contemporary fashion. It was feminist in the start and it really encouraged that narrative and pushed it forward. So yeah.

Maddy: Yeah, I found somehow a way to bring up in almost all of my seminars so far with my girl, that being like, hey, you know, Jo March, she's a lesbian, right? And everyone has, like a little debate about it. I'm just like, guys, she is a lesbian. But, yeah, like a lot of fun to talk about Little Women.

Maddy: I was just looking at my little list of films and I kind of wanted to talk about, um, I think in particular The Personal History of David Copperfield.

Maddy: It came out earlier this year, it's Dev Patel as David Copperfield. 

Jemima: We love the casting.

Maddy: We do. So I found a really interesting website and it's called Mediaversity Reviews.

Maddy: And it gives a kind of like A to F grade for overall diversity for films. And it gives really in-depth reviews of just like, you know, films in terms of like their diversity points.

Maddy: But it does it in a really good way. Like it's not to virtue signal-y. And even, you know, it talks about, you know, like the directors.

Maddy: It's got like a little emoji next to the director. And it shows you whether or not the writer like where they're from is a guy, are they white, you know?

Maddy: Basically, The Personal History of David Copperfield gets a B. So A would be the highest, but it gets a B because they give it five out five for- my Internet connection is unstable.

Maddy: Yeah, The Personal History of David Copperfield gets a B, so the technical diversity, which is kind of talking about overall in terms of just like casting and crew was five out five. But despite passing the Bechdel test, it does point out that a lot of the women kind of like- well, the thing is, it is called The Personal History of David Copperfield.

Maddy: And a lot of the women in the film kind of like exist on the periphery of his life. And, you know, it's all about him and his angst and his stuff he's doing.

Maddy: And it - apart from obviously the fact that it's Agnes, the one who ends up marrying him - which is another thing, she ends up marrying him - she helps to uncover Uriah Heep, who voices Paddington, by the way. She obviously helps to, like, expose the fact that he's swindling her dad and that he's taken over the company and is terrible. So for that, it gets points because it's like, yeah, she's a badass. Like she steals the documents, she does a load of stuff. She's super smart. But apart from that, the film is about a guy and the women tend to exist on the periphery. And, you know, even though, like. Did any of you ever watch Wolfblood?

Sarah: Yeah, I did.

Maddy: Did you recognize Maddie from Wolfblood? She's the one that runs off with Steerforth.

Maddy: Yeah, just a random point. You know, it's Maddie from Wolfblood, but like, you know, just thinking about her, like she kind of like exists on the periphery of the story. And the only time she really comes into play is when she's like either engaged to Ham or she runs off with Steerforth and then he abandons her in London, goes off and dies on the boat. I found him hilarious. I probably shouldn't have done. I just- I just love the way he's always like, "remember me at my best." And I'm like, dude, at best your best is literally someone else's rock bottom. You kind of suck. He's like, "remember me at my best" - you're kind of a dick, though. No one thinks that you're the best.

Maddy: Just stop. But yeah, for race, it gets four out of five and they make a point that obviously Charles Dickens when writing the book, everyone he would have been imagining would have been as white as snow. And that's how he saw the world at the time. But they made a point of just like casting actors they knew would do a good job.

Maddy: And you know, it literally doesn't matter, like it's a story - it is a fictional story and the people are like, oh, but why would so-and-so have so-and-so as a father? That doesn't make sense. It's like, yeah, but, you know, this isn't a film for people who are masters of genetics. This is a film for people that enjoy films and enjoy the story. And all would do a fantastic job.

Maddy: So it gets a really good score for race diversity, but it makes a point, it says, 'when white directors cast blindly without making changes to the character based on the actor's ethnicity, it merely ticks a box of diversity. Meanwhile, matters of true representation not just in body but through diverse narratives defaults to a white experience'. So essentially, I think- I think what they're kind of trying to make is kind of like a point is a bit like the Sexy Lamp test. If you could change the race of this character and it would have absolutely no effect on the plot: is that true representation? I think that's the point they're trying to make. I think what they're trying to say is, yes, this is really good, like I know they had Dev Patel in mind to play David Copperfield from the start, but I think they're making the point that, like, if you're going to cast someone as a character, you need to bring into consideration how their race changes the way that they interact with the world around them and how that might be reflected in the narrative.

Maddy: And it's not interchangeable. And, you know, David Copperfield, looking the way he does, would not have had the same experience as a David Copperfield who was white would have done, especially in Victorian England. But in the end, it's a film. It's a fictional film. 

Sarah: It's a difficult balance to strike, isn't it?

Sarah: You don't want to make it all about race all the time, but you still need to like acknowledge it. It's difficult to represent without overshadowing other elements.

Jemima: If you look at the director, Armando Iannuci- butchered his name. But like, if you look at his authorship, so Death of Stalin, he had Russians from Yorkshire, like his thing is and I listened to an interview when he released Personal History and his justification for all of this stuff is the fact that we can put history, not the kind of the racial side of things, but just history and how things would have been accurately presented, we can put that aside to just have quality in cast and crew.

Jemima: And I think that's a very good point. And of course, this stuff does make a great grounds for the other side. But at the same time, I think he and a lot of people and including what's his name, Dev Patel, all of those people they really, really appreciated and kind of acclaimed, the casting direction, because now so many casting decisions are based on-

Jemima: His essentially groundbreaking thing, because obviously the controversy around having a brown person in a white film as the main protagonist, whatever, and now everyone seems to be doing it. So it kind of has some rubbish sides to it, but at the same time, it's encouraging diversity in a lot of different ways.

Maddy: I remember when the trailer came out for the film, when the comments were just full of the, you know, "Charles Dickens would be rolling in his grave". And it's like, yes, he would, because he was a racist. Everyone back then was racist. But I don't care what he has to say because he's dead.

Maddy: And thanks for the books, Charles, but they're ours now. And then it got zero points for disability.

Maddy: It makes a point. Obviously, it's oh, my God, I'm forgetting everyone's names. Hugh Laurie. Yes. Hugh Laurie playing Mr Dick.

Maddy: He obviously has some issues with his mental health and everyone's really lovely to him about it. I don't - I think they get points for that. But then that's kind of cancelled out by the fact that Mr. Wickfield is serious, he has serious alcohol problems and everyone just kind of think this is a big joke.

Maddy: So for all the points that it gains for being like Mr Dick clearly has something going on there and everyone's super lovely to him about it. And they're never mean to him and they appreciate him for his intelligence and he's great, that gets cancelled out by the fact that Mr. Wickfield is a serious alcoholic and they all kind of make fun of him, but they get zero points for that.

Maddy: I don't know if I would count alcoholism as a disability. 

Jemima: It is a mental illness.

Maddy: Yeah, it's mental illness, I think.

Maddy: But that means that overall it gets a B grade. And I just thought that was an interesting article. I'll probably link it below. It was written by - I'm probably butchering this again, Alicia Johnson, but the Alicia's got a J in it. I think it sounds like it's kind of Polish, so I don't know. And yet it seems like a really interesting website like they give diversity grades to loads of different films, including Lion, another film by Dev Patel, which again, because it doesn't pass the Bechdel test but obviously is very diverse. And yeah, I just- I love The Personal History of David Copperfield, it makes me happy. It's also because obviously, like Bleak House, like the actual Bleak House is in Broadstairs and I'm from Broadstairs.

Maddy: So like, like literally the school next to my school growing up is called Charles Dickens. There are so many pubs in town named after various Charles Dickens things like, when I worked in the pharmacy, so many people would like have prescriptions. It would be like, oh, your address is literally Bleak House. That's so cool.

Maddy: And I don't know, I don't think he was a particularly good person, I've really struggled to read a lot of his work because it's long, it's Victorian. But Charles Dickens obviously is a little bit like- I'm very territorial about it. I'm like, oh, my God, Charles Dickens!

Jemima: Heritage, isn't it?

Maddy: I don't know. I shouldn't be so protective over it, but, you know, I enjoy it. Oh, yeah. How long is the recording so far, Michael?

Michael: I can't actually see a time- if I click on recording will it tell me? 

Maddy: Oh, I thought you were timing it. I thought that would have been- 

Michael: Would have made sense when I started, yeah.

Sarah: I've been timing it on my phone and that's coming up to like forty-eight minutes - I set it off a bit before we, like, started.

Jemima: Yeah. Shall we do a conclusion then, we probably can't fit much more.

Maddy: Yeah.

Sarah: I read some stuff about the Oscars and how like only 50 percent of Oscar Best Picture winners have passed the Bechdel test. Yeah, only half of the Best Picture nominations this year did, might be worth mentioning.

Maddy: I don't want to defend any one, but I will make the point that there have been far less films to choose from this year. Like if- the way we're going the Husavik song Eurovision: Fire Saga or whatever is going to be the one that wins the Best Song for the Oscars.

Maddy: And that would obviously not be ideal, but it's a pandemic! Let Will Ferrell win an Oscar.

Jemima: I just think that, like what makes films Oscar-worthy does not make films good. Yeah, I think that's something that we can all agree on.

Jemima: And so it's just like to win Oscars, you basically have to tick a couple of boxes. Is it melodramatic and sloppy? Yes. Like has it got some really pretentious narrative points? Yes. And then is it either a musical or biographical, all of those things, then it passes. But then that's why a lot of directors and auteurs and stuff just completely reject the whole award system. It's just like the most anti-diverse, anti-feminist, anti-everything. But obviously, as we see in the next couple of years, they have just released that new classification - it won't be implemented for a while, as we know, but I guess they just copied the BAFTAs with a lot of it, doing the whole score marking system of they have to have this amount of diversity in the cast and crew for them to even be allowed to be considered for the award.

Maddy: Cool. Who would like to conclude, I would like not to because I introduced.

Jemima: And so I really hope. Well, we really hope that you have enjoyed this. Obviously, it's a first time, but yeah, I think we've made some really insightful points.

Jemima: And if you would like to look into them further, I'm sure, Michael, God bless his soul, our little white guy at the site-

Jemima: Yes. He'll put some great resources, everything that we were talking about in the description. Yeah. Is there any final thoughts from anyone?

Maddy: I love Dev Patel.

Sarah: Yeah, I second that.  

Jemima: I agree with that wholeheartedly.

Resources:

Failing the “DuVernay Test”: 6 signs your on-screen black character is a tired stereotype

The Bechdel Test, and Other Media Representation Tests, Explained

The Personal History of David Copperfield on Mediaversity Reviews

[callunavulgari]

YEAR-IN-BOOKS | 2020

So. Last year I read 112 books. The year before that I read 89. The year before that I read 39. This year I have (thus far) read 87 books out of my goal of 75 and will likely at least one or two more before the end of the year. So, click below if you want rambly book recs!

1. a book you loved?

This year has been rough. Like, I’m looking back at the books I read in January and am genuinely horrified to realize that I read them a scant twelve months ago when it feels like I read them at least three years ago. I’m glad I kept my limit lower this year, because enjoying anything this year has been harder than usual. I did read some decent books though, and I think the one I loved the most was Gideon the Ninth (and it’s sequel, Harrow the Ninth). They’re both fantastic books, and so deeply unexpected. Reading the first chapter or so of Gideon’s book is like getting whiplash. You go into it expecting angsty lady necromancers and get a crossdressing bee that secretes hallucinogenic substances and pulsates in time to the music in your head. Literally, Gideon’s dialogue is so out of left field that I spent half the book delightedly confused. But it is genuinely funny? And lesbian necromancers in space is just.. such an underutilized concept. Harrow’s book was a little harder - her head space is weird and everything is intentionally fucking with you so you really are confused for 90% of it, but I think the pay off was more than worth it.

2. a book you hated?

I was deeply, DEEPLY disappointed by The Secret Commonwealth. I finished it near the end of January and was just so fucking mad for days. Because the thing is, my expectations were not super high. I was excited for it, mostly because a grown up version of Lyra is something that I thought I would only ever experience in fanfiction. Now, I wish I’d only experienced her in fanfiction. Graphic attempted rape, retroactively confirming a rape happened in a previous book (one where it was implied that the victim got away in time), retroactively raping a character from the previous trilogy... like. I’m sorry. But fuck that noise. Fuck Philip Pullman. Fuck any douchebag asshole who thinks a woman has to be raped in order to write compelling fiction. I was riding the high of the new HBO series (which was good) and I guess I just... thought the author would have some goddamn integrity.

3. a book that made you cry?

We Are Okay was a really gorgeous, tender little book about grief that I read in one sitting in my bed when I really should have been sleeping. I read this book in March, when things only kind of hurt for me. When things were still largely okay. Before the bulk of covid hit my side of the world. Before self-isolation was an every day thing, not just something in books. Before Mal. Before getting covid. But ultimately, this was a book about healing. It aches, yes, but it also soothes.

4. a book that made you happy?

Both Beach Read and Written in the Stars made me pretty happy. Both romcoms done right, the first is a book about a romance writer falling in love with a thriller/mystery writer. They’re staying at neighboring beach houses and spend a summer getting themselves out of their comfort zones by challenging the other to write in the other person’s chosen genre. It’s sweet. It’s sexy. Over all, a really fun read, with enough depths to keep me engaged.

The second book is a meet-cute that involves astrology, fake dating, and lesbians. It’s written phenomenally well, and gave me a brief surge of happiness when I needed it most.

5. the best sequel?

Probably Harrow. The Dragon Republic is a great second choice though. Again, it’s a hard book, and I wouldn’t have been able to read it any later in the year than I did, because it is... not a happy book. But it is, in my opinion, a good one. And I am still excited about the third.

6. most anticipated release for the new year?

I am hoping to get the as of yet Untitled sequel to Ninth House in 2021. I am also hoping to actually be able to read The Rhythms of War in the new year, since I doubt I’ll get a chance in 2020. I’m looking forward to Mister Impossible, the second book in the Ronan trilogy by Maggie Stiefvater. I’m looking forward to the Hourglass Throne, which I think is coming in 2021? A Desolation Called Peace in March. The Thorn of Emberlain might actually be out in October, which will be wonderful it doesn’t get pushed back again. Rule of Wolves, the King of Scars Duology in the Grishaverse will also be March. One Last Stop by Casey McQuistion in May!!!!

7. favorite new author?

Defintely Tamsyn Muir. I will also be keeping an eye out for Alexandriua Bellefleur’s stuff...

8. favorite book to film adaptation?

Uh, can I say MDSZ/The Untamed without actually having read the original text? Well, I’ve read a few chapters, but damn.

9. the most surprising book?

Taproot. It’s this little graphic novel about a gardener who can see ghosts. And like. It still makes me warm to think about how tender it is.

10. the most interesting villain?

Does Loki: Where Mischief Lies count? Since Loki is technically a villain, even if he’s only villain adjacent in this book.

11. the best makeouts?

I... don’t know? I didn’t real read any of these books for makeouts. Not this year. 

12. a book that was super frustrating?

Boyfriend Material. It has great ratings! It has fake dating! But the story was very so-so for me. 

13. a book you texted about, and the text was IN CAPSLOCK?

I think I yelled at Nick a few times about how pissed I was at the Secret Commonwealth.

14. a book for the small children in your life?

The House in the Cerulean Sea is a book about a case worker at the department in charge of magical youth and he is charged with traveling to an island and making a very important decision about the children living there. It was adorable and I wish I’d had a book like it when I was young.

15. a book you learned from?

That is not the sort of book that I was reading in 2020.

16. a book you wouldn’t normally try?

I read a couple mysteries. Some were good. Most made me remember why I don’t read mysteries.

17. a book with something magical in it?

Call Down the Hawk, because all of Maggie’s books are at least a little bit magical. And while this definitely didn’t hit quite the same vibes that the Raven Cycle did, it was still very, very good.

18. the best clothes?

Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth have the best goth aesthetic I have ever seen in a book. Also, The Invisible Life of Addie Larue, because Addie’s clothes always sounded cute and comfortable.

19. the most well-rounded characters?

The City We Became had some fantastic characters. It was really interesting to see Jemisin get out of her typical fantasy setting and this novel was so out of this world. 

20. the best world-building?

Deeplight! It’s described as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea meets Frankenstein and that is pretty accurate. Old gods that traversed the sea tore each other apart and now the world tries to get a hold of their corpses for amazing powers. It was really, really cool and probably the best book I could have chosen to read at the beach.

21. the worst world-building?

Eh. Most of the books I hated I didn’t keep reading this year.

22. a book with a good sidekick?

I really like all of the characters in the Tarot Sequence. There are some solid characters, even if there’s basically no women. Also Graceling.

23. the most insufferable narrator?

I was not a fan of The Mysterious Benedict Society, mostly because of the narrator. It was so boring and I quit halfway through.

24. a book you were excited to read for months beforehand?

Return of the Thief. Which... was still mostly good. But the ending felt lackluster for me. I may go back and reread the series and see if it feels more genuine after I’ve read them all together.

25. a book you picked up on a whim?

I literally picked up Written in the Stars because the cover was pretty and it looked like the romance was between two girls. And it did nooooot fail me.

26. a book that should be read in a foreign country?

Shrug emoji.

27. a book cassian andor would like?

I still don’t know what to make of this question.

28. a book gina linetti would like?

Shrug emoji.

29. your favorite cover art?

Gideon and Harrow, honestly. I also really liked Under the Udala Trees.

30. a book you read in translation?

I genuinely don’t know.

31. a book from another century?

Teeeeechnically The Great Hunt?

32. a book you reread?

I reread the Diviners and the Captive Prince series near the beginning of the year. They were still delightful.

33. a book you’re dying to talk about, and why?

Into the Drowning Deep was fucking amazing. I love Mira Grant’s work anyway and there’s this scene where a character pilots a submersible into the Marianas Trench and experiences your first face-to-face encounters with the sirens and like. AHHHHHHHHHH. It was so spooky and beautiful and just genuinely amazing.

TLDR; 2020 sucked, most books still couldn’t pierce through the depression, but there were a few bangers.

[andoqin]

K-Dramas of 2020

Well, like the general mood of 2020, the dramas this year were uh, certainly an adventure. I was going to put all the dramas I watched this year here, but uh. This turned out longer than expected so I’ll guess I’ll separate K-dramas at the very least.

Putting this behind a cut because Long.

Completed:

365: Repeat the year: I barely remember this one, but I gave it 8/10 on MDL, maybe I should lower that, because honestly all I remember are the time-travel meet up set and the main actors.

CHIP-IN: A short who-dunnit, which has interesting characters, although the show was very wise to be capped at 8 Episodes, because the “mystery” was pretty predictable and also starting to wear thin. Still, the younger cast was stellar and I hope we get to see them in more.

Diary of a Prosecutor: The cases in this drama were actually legit interesting to me and I found the politicking surprisingly not bad. People were flawed in very human ways, but the drama gave us enough time with our main characters to enjoy getting to know all of them.

Do you like Brahms: Contender for worst drama of the year for me, good lord I hated the way this tanked its story line, its characters and the romance. Is it believable that the main characters might act this way? ... Debatable. Is it entertaining to watch? Hell fucking no. Don’t watch this one, unless you like stupid misunderstandings and non communication. 

Extracurricular: Short action-y show on Netflix that makes me hopeful for what Sweet Home might be. 

Flower of Evil: Lee Jun Ki gets to suffer prettily. That is All. Okay Moon Chae Won and LJK were great together, but it got almost makjang-y by the end. 

Hospital Playlist: Delightful Slice of Life Medical show, that despite its delightfulness never quite got me. Very enjoyable and at 12 episodes it doesn’t overstay its welcome, but it didn’t stay with me either. 

Hot Stove League: Pretty entertaining and as a drama about sports management seems reasonably accurate? (Not that I’d know of course). 

Hyena: Flawed as heck in some aspects (the lawyer-plotting got lulzy and boring at the same time), but oh my god some of the HOTTEST chemistry this way from sunday. Joo Ji Hoon and Kim Hye Soo just crackled anytime they were on screen together and Joo Ji Hoon as the high powered lawyer who falls head over heels in love with KHS’s character who is more reluctant to act on those feelings is just *chefs kiss*. Also didn’t suffer the Dreaded Plot Denuement of 2020 (DPD2020). Sure the latter half wasn’t as tight as the beginning, but it stuck the landing and that’s all that matters. 

Into the Ring: Weird camera angles and sometimes overly sharp edited shots aside, this had a solid romance, great characters, great romance and almost made me want to get into community politics lmao. 

It’s Okay Not To Be Okay (Psycho But It’s Okay): The first half of this show is just *amazing*, the way the scenes transition is pretty much film-like and the main character trio is stunningly well acted. Sadly the story with the mom is resolved in the weirdest fucking way, but the drama decides to do the smart thing and just forget about it once that’s done and the finale made me cry ;_;. 

Itaewon Class: Sadly also suffered the DPD2020. I was really into the first half, loved the way the characters found support in each other, plus: a main trans character! Handled really well! Also iconic OST. I was one of the few people who was into the romance of the main couple, but the way the latter half of the plot developed was just completely nonsensical and felt like the writer was just trying to tie off the lose ends as much as possible. 

Kingdom Season 2: The first season was stellar and this continues the trend! Although it doesn’t quite reach the highs of the first season I am still so looking forward to season 3! More Joseon zombies please!

Money Game: I... apparently watched this, and looking at the logo there is some vague feeling of “Yeah this is familiar”. But nothing else...

Mr. Heart: Okay-ish BL drama that has it’s cute moments but nothing that made me go “Ooooh”. I am glad SK is getting in on this trend though!

My Holo Love: So all of those Robot/AI shows that came before that I’ve seen and had the premise of “Oh no, I’ve fallen for a ROBOT” when it either turned out their object of affection was either human or actually a robot, but their human counterpart was so shitty that no sane person would like them worked pretty well for me. This one didn’t. From what I remember the heroine does very much fall for the holographic version of this guy, but the human version is *different* and yet whoops the main couple is still human/human. Granted you can’t really do romantic kiss scenes between a girl and nothing, but the switch-over felt abrupt and the way our main lady just transfers her affections to the dude never sat right to me. 

Mystic Pop Up Bar: Quite a few dramas this year went with 12 eps, and were all the better for it. Hwang Jung Eum is incredibly hit or miss with me (mostly it’s miss honestly), but in this one she’s used really well and I liked the way the premise was used!

Private Lives: I recently wrote a longer post about this, but honestly another victim of terrible writing and maybe DPD2020. 

Stranger 2: Love! Not as much as Season 1, but man this writer is *so* good at writing smart and interesting plots and looking at things from many different angles!

Tale of the Nine Tailed: Flawed but man do I ever love the OTP. Like really really love it. Plus it stuck the landing for me in a way few dramas did in recent months.

The School Nurse Files: So weird. So fucking weird. And yet, so very entertaining. Thanks to its short length ( I think) some plot threads felt very much unceremoniously dropped, but it has a canon lesbian couple!

The World of the Married: Makjang to the Nth degree, got kind of exhausting by the end, but Kim Hee Ae is so good. 

Train: Yoon Shi Yoon gets to suffer prettily! 

When the Weather is Fine: Kinda mellow and sweet and I wish I could live like the main character does (just have a bookshop in the middle of nowhere and still no money issues??? The Dream) but for that also not super memorable. 

Where Your Eyes Linger: SK’s first major Webdrama I believe? Cute and as a foray into this genre not bad, but I hope this is just a taste of things to come.

Dropped:

Hi Bye, Mama: So many people loved this, I couldn’t get over the basic premise and the way my brain tried to tie the logic in this together made my head hurt.  The King: Eternal Monarch: Maybe KES dramas just aren’t for me, I didn’t like the plot or the main couple. Woo Do Hwan and Kim Kyung Nam were amazing though and please please I beg both of you do more stuff. 

18 Again: Nope. Lee Do Hyun is pretty, but the setup drove me bonkers and I pretty much liked no one. 

Zombie Detective: Yikes no thank you. Complete mismatch of tones I wanted and the drama gave me. 

Romantic Teacher Dr. Kim 2: Zzzzzzzzz. I found the first one mildly entertaining at least but this one just made me fall asleep immediately. 

Black Dog: Yeah I watched like 2 Episodes of this and lost interest. 

Search: I’ve watched like 6 eps and I know there’s zombies, but I couldn’t tell you much more tbh.

Start-Up: I watched 2 episodes in the beginning, didn’t think I’d want to live watch this and then just popcorned the tag until it got insufferable with the ship wars and this dropped out of my watch list pretty immediately.

Record of Youth: Pretty much the same deal as with Start-Up only in this case there wasn’t so much a shipwar as the tag showing me that this drama would *not* be my bag at all. 

Still Watching: 

Kairos: Hmmmm timey-wimey stuff. The FL is this close to losing me though. The fact I thought it plausible that she would murder someone just based on a TEXT from someone else says it all. (She didn’t, thank god, and seems to have found a few of her lost braincells, but by god she was frustrating). 

Birthcare Center: I like what it’s trying to say and the main character and her husband are very cute, but a lot of the side characters don’t really interest me. It’s only an 8 ep drama, so I might finish this.

The Spies Who Loved Me: Honestly I’m this close to dropping it. Only my intense love for Yoo In Na and fondness for Eric are keeping me going. But she might not end up with Eric and I’m gonna be mad. Honestly if they just went OT3 I’d be really cool with this, but despite the small advancements in dramaland, they aint ready for that yet. 

Lies of Lies: I watched 2 eps and I might continue (the premise seems hilariously makjang and sometimes I’m into that, but it’s *very* much on the backburner)

The Uncanny Counter: Delightful Webtoon vibe, with some great visuals and actually nice action. I’ve only seen 2 eps so far but at least they don’t want to make me poke my eyes out or make me fall asleep. Let’s hope it avoids the DPD2020 plague.