#also i was tired and getting kind of paranoid so i was in a hurry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hazel-light · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter Word Count: ~7,400

Total Fic Word Count: ~30,000

Genre: (Wedding) Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers, lots of bed sharing and every self indulgent fluffy trope possible.

Warnings: None? Lots of fluff? Occasional cussing? Some suggestive themes, moments, and jokes I guess. No smut or anything!

Disclaimer: I am not Daniel Sharman, and I do not pretend to know how he would act, speak, etc. This is fiction okay, there’s a lot of creative license, and potential to be OOC. Ricky isn’t mentioned because I started writing this before we knew he existed, so apologies for that. Also, if you’re DShar himself, please do us both a favor and don’t read this, okay???? Same if you know him 🙈

Title taken from the song Yellow Lights by Harry Hudson which suits this story quite a bit!

A/N: You thought I'd skip all the possibilities and tropes that come with the holidays?! Of course not. This is the final part to Yellow Lights. Thank you all for making my return to writing and posting so wonderful. I am so, so, grateful. I hope the ending lives up to your expectations. <3

The next month and a half passes by uneventfully. I try not to spend all of my time thinking about how great Rachel's wedding was, and equally try to ignore the wistful feeling Henry’s wedding left me with. Having Daniel be my fake boyfriend in front of my family showed me everything that I’d ever wanted; someone who fit in seamlessly, who loved me for me, with the perfect balance of romance and friendship. Whatever crush I had successfully buried when Daniel and I first met is now achingly hard to avoid. I curse my active imagination and optimism for letting me indulge in the moments of pretend, leaning too comfortably into our façade.

As a result, I don’t talk to Daniel much. He is busy finishing filming his project in London, and I try to focus on my life in LA. I’ve become paranoid that every text I send him is one too many, too annoying, or too bothersome. I figure I can reassess things when Daniel comes home from filming, and try to find my footing in our friendship again.

This seems like a solid plan until I’m on Zoom with my family for Thanksgiving. Since I’ve already flown back once this year for the wedding, and I’m planning to fly back again next month for Christmas, staying put for Thanksgiving was the economical choice. The call is mostly uneventful until the subject of Daniel comes up.

“Where’s that boy?” Aunt Judith crows from her spot at the dining table.

“Hmm?” I ask.

“She means Daniel.” Ryan rolls his eyes, bringing the iPad closer to her.

“Oh! Right.” I try to recover. “He’s still away filming his new project, actually, but I was able to fly out to see him at the end of September for another wedding, actually.”

Aunt Judith frowns. “That’s a long time to not see someone that handsome—” I start to laugh, “Are you sure he’s not cheating on you?”

Oh shit. It’s in this moment that I realize Daniel and I had never “broken up” as far as my family knows. I hear the rest of my family start sputtering in the background.

“Aunt Judith— you can’t just—”

“That’s awful, I—”

“It is kind of a long time, huh?—”

I try to keep a straight face. “Guys! It’s okay. He’s an actor, it comes with the territory. I expected this.”

“So you aren’t sure that he’s not cheating on you?” Ryan frowns.

“That isn’t what I meant, Ry. Daniel and I are fine. We’re really good, actually.”

“Well I certainly hope you’ll be bringing him home for Christmas then.” Aunt Judith huffs.

“It would be nice to see him,” Rachel speaks up for the first time, and her husband Nick nods. “I didn’t get to talk to him a whole lot at the wedding.”

I clear my throat, my mind racing. “You know, we haven’t actually talked about what we’re doing for Christmas yet; I’ll have to see what he’s doing— if he’s going to spend it with his family.”

“But you’re still coming home,” Ryan states.

“Yes, I am still coming home, no matter what.”

Ryan and Rachel’s mom, my auntie Kim speaks up. “I think it’s pretty common for a boyfriend to defer to his girlfriend’s family for the holidays. I mean, Ryan splits the day with Katharine of course, but Nick always came here with Rachel.”

“I hear you, Auntie Kim, but Daniel never gets to see his family so I’m not sure— all I’m saying is I’m not sure. He may very well come, and I will let you all know as soon as I know.” I smile tersely.

“Well hurry up, and find out,” Auntie Kim chastises. “Christmas is only a month away.”

When I hang up with them, it’s 7pm and I’m feeling antsy. How could I have forgotten that my entire family still thought Daniel and I were together? I’m not sure how to get out of this one. Tired of panicking alone in my head, I pick up my phone and dial Daniel before I can talk myself out of it. It rings and rings, and my anxiety that he won’t answer grows with each tone.

Eventually I hear rustling on the other line.

“Lauren?” Daniel’s voice crackles through the phone.

“Hi.”

“Are you alright?”

“What? Uh— yeah, I just needed to talk to you about something—” I glance at the time on my phone. “Oh god, no. What time is it there? I’m so sorry— I didn’t even stop to think about the time difference, I—”

I hear him suppress a yawn. “Lauren. It must be pretty important if you’re calling me AND rambling like this.”

“No, no, it can wait, I’m sorry— uh, go back to bed. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Lauren,” he stops me softly and firmly. “Stop apologizing. What’s going on?”

I sit quietly, feeling like an absolute idiot.

“Lauren, come on. You can tell me.”

“I— we… we never broke up?”

He laughs. “Sorry, what?”

“We never broke up.”

“Am I still asleep, is this a dream?”

“My family still thinks we’re together and they asked me if you’re coming home for Christmas.”

We’re both quiet for a moment.

“Oh.” is all he says.

“I talked to them for Thanksgiving, and they were asking about you. I realized too late that they thought we were still together— because I never told them we broke up. I didn’t think it through this far.”

“Right, I didn’t either.”

My phone starts ringing, telling me Daniel’s trying to FaceTime me.

I accept, and I’m faced with a dark screen.

“Why are we FaceTiming?”

I hear a lamp click on and suddenly Daniel’s face is illuminated as he lays in bed, lines from his pillow still on his face.

“Figured we should at least be able to see each other if you’re going to break up with me in the middle of the night,” he teases.

I shake my head. “Not funny, this is serious, D.”

“I know, I know.”

“If I break up with you, they’re going to yell at me and tell me I’m a stupid idiot.”

Daniel laughs.

“And if you break up with me they’re going to hate you, which means they’ll hate that we managed to ‘stay friends.’ And if it’s mutual…..” I shake my head, thinking. “They’ll think we were lying.”

“Which we were.”

I sigh, “Which we were.”

“So,” Daniel pulls his blanket up higher. “What are our options here?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I called you.”

I watch him stare off into space and reminisce about when I got to see this sleepy Daniel firsthand in Cape Cod.

“I could come for Christmas…” he trails off and I frown.

“That seems like asking a lot. You’ve already given up a lot of your free time this year for me.”

He shrugs into his pillow. “Do you not want me to come for Christmas?”

I pause. “I mean, that isn’t really the issue here. You have to be tired of being in love with me by now.”

He laughs loudly — a stark contrast to the quiet of his room. “Yes, being in love with you is very exhausting.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I’m kidding. Being in love with you is not exhausting. At all.”

I roll my eyes and say nothing. “I don’t think I can bear to break your family’s hearts at Christmas of all times.”

“Man of the year.” I drawl. “What are you supposed to be doing for Christmas? Going home?”

“No, usually I travel somewhere, but I hadn't decided yet.”

I hum in response.

“Kind of leaning towards traveling to Massachusetts now, if I’m honest.”

I look at him incredulously, only to see a playful grin on his face, but I know he’s serious.

“I’m not going to stop you if you really want to come. But I—” I swallow. “Eventually we’re going to need to plan for whatever happens after Christmas.”

He nods. “I know, we will. Let’s just enjoy Christmas together, first.”

I smile. “Okay. We can enjoy it. Together.”

He clears his throat. “I hope I’m not too rusty at this boyfriend performance, it’s been a few months.”

“Daniel Sharman has performance issues… I hope that doesn’t get out to the press.”

His eyes flash. “Bold, for you.”

I shrug. “You walked into that one, baby.”

“Well, you’re lucky you’re cute, darling.”

We look at each other for a moment, and I hope my eyes don’t give away how fond I am for this man who is willing to commit to fake-loving me, and putting up with my family, and who is setting the bar way too high for any actual real relationship I could hope for.

So much for reburying my feelings.

I break eye contact first. “I’ll let you get back to sleep. Sorry again for waking you up.”

“Do Not Disturb doesn’t apply to you, Lauren. Call any time.”

I smile softly. “Sweet dreams, I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.”

—-

I’m standing in the Boston Logan airport waiting for international arrivals; specifically Daniel’s flight from London. According to the board, his flight landed 15 minutes ago, so he should be coming to the lobby any time now. I bounce on my feet, simultaneously eager and nervous to see Daniel for the first time since parting ways after Henry and Claire’s wedding.

Eventually I see the hat and sunglasses I recognize from a selfie he sent me earlier, and I can feel my heart race. I begin walking towards him, and feel my pace quicken as I get closer. Eventually he sees me too and he’s grinning at me with his signature toothy smile that I missed so much.

When we come into contact I don’t know what the appropriate response is, so I simply grin up at him.

“Hi,” I breathe.

“Hi,” he smiles back, and before I know it he’s closer than he was before and he’s ducking down to kiss me.

It surprises me but I respond quickly, leaning up to meet him.

When it’s over he pulls back just enough to nuzzle his nose with mine.

“Missed you,” he says softly.

“Missed you most.” I smile.

He stands up straight, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder, threading his other hand through mine.

I can’t see his eyes, but I assume he must be looking around when he speaks.

“Oh, are you by yourself?”

The question catches me off guard.

“Yeah— well, Ryan’s in the car, circling so he wouldn’t have to pay for parking,” I roll my eyes.

He nods, “Sorry, then—“ he makes an inconclusive gesture. “Suppose I didn’t need to kiss you quite yet.”

My stomach drops and I smile tightly, “That’s okay— better safe than sorry. I get it.”

He tugs on my hand pulling me into a hug.

“I did miss you, though.”

“And I still missed you most.” I tease.

Daniel shakes his head, but doesn’t argue, pulling back from me and reaching for his suitcase with his freehand.

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

—-

I bring Daniel upstairs to show him around, and so he can put his suitcase in my room.

“Welcome to my childhood bedroom,” I announce, opening the door and leading Daniel inside.

“Wow, where little Lauren grew up,” Daniel teases looking around. When I first arrived home yesterday, I was quick to tidy up, and hide anything that was too embarrassing, but my room is more or less the exact same as I had left it when I was 18 and moving to college.

I nod. “Yes, many secrets to my backstory can be discovered in here.”

Daniel laughs.

Ryan appears in my doorway leaning against the doorframe.

“Just so you know, Daniel, my bedroom is on the other side of this wall,” he nods to his right. “I can hear everything that happens in here. The walls are thin.”

I frown, blushing, “Ew, Ryan.”

Daniel just laughs and smirks, “Got it, bro.”

I look at him incredulously, “Don’t encourage him.”

The two share a look and shrug, seemingly equally enjoying my discomfort.

“Dinner’s ready!” Auntie Kim calls up to us.

I use that as my cue, brushing past both of them to go downstairs, leaving their laughter behind me.

—-

After Christmas Eve dinner, Katharine stops by and the four of us decide to watch the classic, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I’m the last to arrive in the living room, and when I enter I immediately notice that Ryan is cuddled up with Katharine, and sprawled out over the entire couch, leaving Daniel sitting in the only other seat— the armchair.

I narrow my eyes at them, “Are you guys for real?”

Ryan looks at us and hums innocently, “What?”

“You took the entire couch.”

I see Katharine bite her lip in amusement, as Ryan shrugs.

“I assumed you guys would cuddle anyway. Can you not share the armchair?”

Daniel intervenes, “Of course we can. C’mon Laur.”

He pats his lap. I hesitate briefly before nestling into his lap, tucking my head into his neck.

“Am I crushing you?” I whisper.

“Not at all, you’re keeping me warm.”

I huff a laugh as he puts the blanket over us and Ryan starts the movie. The steady rise and fall of his chest brings me a sense of peace and I have to try not to fall asleep, especially when his fingers gently caress my arm and my leg where he’s holding me to him. I exhale, turning further into his neck and nuzzling into him.

“Tickles,” he breathes, just shy of a whisper.

“You smell good,” I tell him, letting my eyes close.

His chuckle reverberates through his body. “Thanks, darling.”

I feel my eyes shut and sleep take over. I start to come to when I hear the ending song come on, and it drifts into whatever dream I’m having.

“She asleep?” I hear Ryan ask.

“Think so,” Daniel answers.

“You need help waking her up?”

“No, I’ve got it, thanks though. Nice seeing you, Katharine.”

I hear footsteps retreat and feel a series of kisses pressed to my shoulder, as Daniel’s long fingers brush hair away from my face.

“Time to wake up, pretty girl. You can go back to sleep once we’re in your bed.”

I shake my head no, clinging to him tighter.

“Like this bed.” I murmur drowsily.

He laughs softly. “Promise we can cuddle there too.”

“Promise?” I ask, peeking one eye open.

“I promise,” he confirms, pressing one more kiss to my shoulder.

I lift my head to look at him, rubbing my eyes.

“There she is,” he smiles gently at me.

I smile back sleepily, the words coming out before I fully think them through.

“Wanna know a secret?”

“Tell me.”

I swallow, letting my gaze flicker down to his mouth for just a moment. “I like cuddling with you.”

“You do, huh?”

I nod.

“Well the feeling’s mutual. Let’s go upstairs and brush our teeth so we can cuddle more in your bed.”

“Okay,” I relent, getting off of him. He stands up after me and I instinctively lace my fingers with his, leading us back upstairs. When we’re brushed and changed, we settle ourselves in bed and I claim my spot tucked into his neck again.

“Sweet dreams,” he says, kissing the top of my head. I echo the sentiment and gently kiss the spot on his neck I’m closest to. His arms tighten around me and I’m falling asleep again.

—-

For once, I wake up before Daniel. He looks peaceful as he sleeps on his stomach, his arm across my waist, face half smushed into the pillow. I turn my head to look at the clock to see it’s about 9:30 and know the others will be waking up soon. I turn back to Daniel and card my fingers gently through his hair. Eventually his breathing changes and his eyes flutter open, still clouded with sleep.

“Merry Christmas,” I whisper, our faces just inches apart.

He pulls himself closer to me, nuzzling into my side and closing his eyes again. “Merry Christmas.”

It’s quiet for a moment before he speaks again, voice raspy with sleep. “Is everyone else awake?”

“No, I don’t think so. I haven’t heard anyone up and around… they might be soon. Usually we kind of wander downstairs around 10, and it’s just past 9:30.”

He hums in response.

“You can go back to sleep for a little while if you want,” I offer, still running my fingers through his hair. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to go downstairs.”

I start to think he’s drifted off to sleep again when he opens his eyes and looks at me. “No, I can get up. I want to give you your present.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I told you not to get me anything; you coming here like this with me— twice— is more than enough.”

He rolls his eyes, detaching himself from me and rolling out of bed. “And look like the asshole who didn’t get his girlfriend anything for Christmas? Not a chance.”

I sit up. “We could’ve lied about it—”

“Lauren,” Daniel looks back at me exasperatedly, leaning over his suitcase. “It’s Christmas. Please just open your present.”

He pulls out a neatly wrapped, thin rectangle and places it in my lap, sitting next to me on the bed.

“Merry Christmas, Laur.”

I carefully unwrap the package to reveal a framed art print, with a circle of stars in the middle; underneath it says “The Night Everything Changed” with the coordinates of what I assume to be Los Angeles. I look up to him with soft eyes, and he gives a one shouldered shrug.

“Saw an ad for this online— where you can get the night sky documented of any night you want, anywhere you want. I thought it would be nice to commemorate this past year, for us…” he trails off, and I hug the frame to my chest.

“Daniel, I love it— Really, really love it. It’s so thoughtful.” I reach out and thread our fingers together. “I’m going to hang this in my room. I want it somewhere I see every day.”

He smiles and squeezes my hand. “I’m glad you like it. I actually wanted to talk to you about something— in relation to this. I—”

We’re interrupted by a light knocking on the door, and we both turn.

“Are you guys awake?” Ryan’s voice calls.

“Yeah, we’ll be out in a sec!” I answer.

I turn back to Daniel who squeezes my hand and moves to get up, but I pull him back.

“They can wait; this is special. I want to hear what you have to say.” I smile at him warmly, but he shakes his head, lifting the back of my hand to kiss it.

“It’s alright, I’d rather wait and tell you when we have more time to talk.”

I frown. “Promise me you won’t forget?”

He laughs. “Trust me, I won’t forget.”

He moves to stand, pulling me up with him to go downstairs, but I stop him, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

“Thank you, D. It means a lot to me.”

He returns my embrace, placing a kiss to the top of my head.

When we pull apart, I take his hand again. “Time for Christmas. Your present is under the tree, by the way.”

Daniel laughs. “A present double-standard.”

I shake my head and lead him out of the room.

—-

I think we’re done with presents when Ryan surprises me, coming over to Daniel and I on the loveseat.

“This is for both of you, kind of.” He hands me a thin, narrow gift.

Daniel looks up, surprised. “Thanks, man. That was thoughtful of you.”

He looks at me, silently asking, did you know about this?, and I shake my head no.

I unwrap the package to find a small frame, with a one hundred dollar bill matted in the middle. I look at Ryan and furrow my eyebrows.

“It's the hundred bucks I said I’d give you if you brought a real date to Rachel’s wedding. Seeing as the same guy is here for Christmas I figured you earned it. Thought I’d frame it— but you can take it out and spend it on a date or something, I don’t care.”

Auntie Kim squints. “Sorry, you told her what?”

I roll my eyes and try to avoid the way my stomach sinks at the reminder of how this all started.

I feel Daniel’s hand on my knee. “Clever, Ryan.”

I look over at him to see him flashing his polite interview smile, and I instantly know he knows exactly what I’m feeling.

Auntie Kim stands and stretches. “I don’t get it, but I’m going to go start breakfast. Your sister and Nick are picking up Judith soon and then they’re coming over. Katharine isn’t coming until dinner, right, Ryan?”

As Ryan confirms, she walks out of the room. Ryan turns back to us. “Mind if I shower first?”

I shake my head no, still lost in my thoughts, and I hear Daniel tell him to go ahead.

We’re left alone and I feel Daniel’s thumb brushing my knee.

“Thank you for my presents.”

“You’re welcome— I’m glad you like them; they don’t beat your present for me though.”

He rolls his eyes and we sit for a moment, the framed hundred dollar bill still in my hands.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

I look at him and shake my head. “I don’t know. Just an odd reminder of how this started, and that it’s going to have to end soon, I guess.”

Daniel frowns. “We haven’t really gotten to talk about that. Why don’t we table that for later— we still have a nice day ahead of us. Those are problems for tomorrow.”

I nod and smile at him, and he pulls me in to kiss my temple, and I hear the click of an iPhone camera. I look up to see Auntie Kim in the doorway.

“Sorry, I just wanted to tell you that the coffee’s on. It was too cute not to capture.”

Daniel stands up, offering me his hand. “Make sure you send me a copy. I’ll have to add it to my collection.”

I chuckle as I stand. “Let me guess; the album is called ‘Cute and Shit.’”

He grins. “How’d you know?”

—-

Christmas flies by. It’s filled with good food, wine, and everyone I love. It’s hours after dinner, and Auntie Kim has already driven Aunt Judith home before going to bed herself.

Ryan, Katharine, Daniel, and I are all still seated around the dining room table playing some kind of team card game, and everyone’s faces are red from laughter and wine.

I can’t help but watch Daniel, who is in some kind of hilarious argument with Ryan over some card he pulled. His eyes shine from the light of the chandelier, and his smile is big and bright, taking over his whole face.

It hits me in this moment that I’ve surpassed unlabeled romantic feelings; I am truly in love with this man. The realization consumes me until Katharine knocks her shoulder into mine giggling.

“Can you believe we love these idiots?”

“Sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow,” I tease, giggling, catching Daniel’s eye mid-argument. He winks at me and I feel my already red cheeks flush even deeper.

“You two are so cute,” Katharine continues, watching our interaction. She lowers her voice, whispering to me behind her wine glass. “I was kind of worried that when you got a boyfriend he wouldn’t mesh well with our dynamic, ya know? But it kind of feels like Daniel’s always been here.”

Her words vocalize the thoughts that have been ringing in my head all day. “I know what you mean.”

Katharine dramatically clears her throat. “Are you two done? Is it our turn yet?”

—-

We part ways from Ryan and Katharine in the hallway, giggling and shushing each other in the wee hours of the morning. I shut my door behind me and waggle my eyebrows at Daniel.

“Uh oh, there’s trouble,” he teases. “Planning to seduce me?”

I shrug exaggeratedly and he laughs before looking around. “Fuck, where are my sweatpants?”

I giggle. “They’re literally right behind you on the chair.”

“Oh, thanks.” He grabs them before looking at me. “Can I change in here tonight?”

I flush. “Yeah, sure.”

After sharing a room together all this time, this is the first time we’ve changed in front of each other and the thought makes my skin tingle. I make my way over to my dresser, pulling out my own sleep shorts and t-shirt. I wiggle out of my pants and pull on my shorts, glancing over my shoulder to see Daniel, shirtless, adjusting his sweatpants on his hips. My throat runs dry, and I turn around to pull my own shirt over my head, reaching behind me to unclip my bra once it’s on. I bundle my discarded clothes in my hand, walking over to toss them in the hamper. I turn around to find Daniel already looking at me. He’s still shirtless and my eyes drift to his defined chest. He looks down as if noticing for the first time.

“It’s really, uh, hot in here.” He speaks again. “Would it bother you if I slept shirtless?”

I shake my head, mentally screaming. “No, it is warm,” I agree, reaching up to put my hair in a bun on top of my head.

He watches me intently, and I laugh self consciously. “What?”

“Nothing. Just thinking about how this was the best Christmas I’ve had in a while.”

My face lights up. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I see his grin quirk up, and know something else is coming. “I’d say it was almost perfect.”

“Oh?” I question, finishing my bun. “Go on.”

“We fit in a lot of classic traditions today, but we missed one that I’m quite fond of.”

I look at him, trying to think of what it could be, as he takes a step closer to me.

“There wasn’t any mistletoe.”

I swallow. “There wasn’t.” I pause, my mind racing. Before I can fully think it through I find myself offering, “But we could pretend?”

“Hmm?” He murmurs, taking a step closer to me so he’s right in front of me now. I know he’s giving me a chance to take it back, or make a joke; I’m nervous, but I don’t want to take it back. I just really want to kiss him.

“I’d really like it if you had a perfect Christmas.”

“And you?” He questions softly. “What would make it a perfect Christmas for you?”

Instead of answering him, I reach up on my tiptoes to kiss him for a moment, pulling back to look him in the eyes. His eyes meet mine in some unspoken understanding, and then he’s dipping down to kiss me again.

He kisses me softly, delicately, like all the kisses at the wedding. He pulls back briefly to look at me, as if he still expects me to change my mind. I kiss him again, wanting there to be no doubt in his mind, and he kisses me back with purpose and passion, and I’m caught off guard by the weight of it. I gasp, and Daniel uses this opportunity to deepen the kiss, pulling me closer. It reminds me of our very first kiss back on his couch. My arms move around his neck, pulling our bodies flush together.

Daniel pulls away first, but barely, breathing hard, kissing down from my jaw to my neck.

This is definitely new territory for us.

I move my hands to his hair, and he groans at the feeling. I can’t help myself as I sigh breathlessly, a shiver running down my back. He grins against my neck, his teeth scraping at my skin and I moan softly.

“Wait,” I say breathlessly, a thought somehow flitting through my mind. “Earlier, didn’t you say there was something else I should know about my present?”

“I can tell you tomorrow,” he murmurs into my neck between kisses. “It’s time for bed.” He tugs me down onto the bed so I’m underneath him, resuming his kisses on my neck.

“This doesn't seem like going to sleep to me,” I tease.

“It is, shhhh, you’re dreaming.”

“That I’d believe,” I laugh, and Daniel smirks, moving so we're eye to eye again.

“Dream about me often?”

“Shhh.” I pull him closer, turning his words back on him. “You’re dreaming, go back to bed.”

“Happily,” he murmurs, kissing me again.

I bring my hands down to his bare shoulders, feeling his warm, toned skin against my fingertips. I gently drag my nails down his chest to his stomach, and I feel his muscles clench at my touch. I can’t help but smirk to myself as he pulls away to rest his forehead on my shoulder, letting out a shuddering breath. I bring my nails around his back, tracing up his taut muscles and across his shoulder blades.

I feel one of his hands come down, pushing my shirt up, his mouth pressing hot kisses to my abdomen. His nose takes over pushing my shirt up, exploring every new inch revealed with his mouth, his hand now running over my thigh, fingers squeezing occasionally, slowly climbing higher. As his hand reaches the bottom of my shorts, he lightly tugs at the fabric. He pauses, his blue eyes tentatively peering up at me.

“Can I…?” He looks nervous, like I’ll reject him. As if I have ever rejected him, or could ever manage to deny him. I’m not even entirely sure what he’s asking but I find myself nodding quickly. As he goes to tug my shorts down we hear a bang on the wall we share with Ryan followed by a crash, a “Shhhh” and a “Shit.”

We both startle and look over toward the wall, before looking back at each other and laughing softly.

“Ugh, I don’t want to know,” I say, shaking my head.

“You probably, definitely don’t.” He smiles at me before pulling his hand off my shorts, and my shirt back down, letting his fingers trace along the waistband of my shorts before he clears his throat. “We should, uh, get some sleep.”

I blink at the abrupt change in mood before nodding awkwardly. “Okay, sure.”

He rolls off of me, and I reach over to shut the lamp off. I’m hesitant to cuddle up to him, unsure if what just happened changed something between us, but I’m relieved when I feel his arm wrap around me the way it always does. Neither of us say anything, and I try not to think about the last few minutes, the firmness of his body behind mine, or the way my body’s buzzing— closing my eyes to try and get some rest.

—-

The next two days with my family go pretty much the same way as Christmas did. Daniel gets on swimmingly with everyone, and my heart aches every time I realize that once the holidays are over, our charade is going to come to an end—a permanent end— this time. I try to ignore that thought and enjoy my time, basking in the coupley moments in front of my family, and leaning into every touch we share.

I never get a chance to ask about my Christmas present; the time never feels right, and Daniel doesn’t bring it up either. Nothing happens between us like Christmas night; when bedtime rolls around we change in the bathroom and go straight to bed. We cuddle, but there’s no after-dark kisses or wandering hands. I wonder if Daniel feels as self-conscious about that night as I do; if he does, he doesn’t show it.

—-

We’re in my room packing to go back to LA in an effort to try to beat the inevitable New Year’s rush at the airport.

“I need to find something to wrap this in so it doesn’t break in my luggage,” I frown, holding up Daniel’s present. “It’s my new prized possession— nothing can happen to it.”

Daniel looks over and laughs. “Want me to wrap it in my sweatpants? That's what I did on the way here.”

“Okay, thank you.” I pad across the floor and pass him the frame, our fingers brushing in the process.

“Of course.” His lips quirk up as he carefully arranges the frame in his suitcase.

A moment passes, and I wonder if now is a good time to ask about my present .

“Hey, I’ve been wanting to ask—“

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you—“

We both stop mid-sentence and Daniel laughs, “Sorry what were you saying?”

I shake my head, courage gone. “No— sorry, go ahead.”

He looks at me curiously but continues, “Henry texted me; he and Claire invited us to their New Year’s Eve party. They’re having it in LA this year.”

I quirk an eyebrow. “Us? They want me to go?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, Claire apparently requested your presence specifically.”

“Oh, that’s nice of her. I usually stay in for New Year’s.”

“It could be fun— if you aren’t sick of me yet,” Daniel teases.

“Ha!" I laugh, "If you aren’t sick of me yet, more like.” I shake my head. “And don’t mind sharing your friends with me.”

“They’re basically your friends now, too,” he argues.

“I’m not sure one wedding constitutes that, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“You should come.”

I stop and look at him.

“I’ll call a car and pick you up on the way.”

When I hesitate, he softens his voice. “Please come.”

I swallow, “Okay.”

I’m not a big party person, but I also know I don’t have it in my heart to deny him, especially after everything he’s done for me.

He grins. “Really?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

“Cool, I’ll, uh, let them know we’re coming.”

I bite my lip to suppress my smile and start planning my outfit in my head.

—-

When we arrive at Claire and Henry’s house on New Year’s Eve, I try not to gawk at the size. It’s massive and sits high on one of the tallest hills in LA, away from the noise of the city.

The first person to spot us as we walk in is, unfortunately, Eleanor. I’d hoped she was in London, and away from us, but alas.

“Daniel!” she squeals, throwing her arms around him. “I was so hoping you’d be here.”

“Hi, El,” he placates her with a strained smile. “You remember Lauren?” He gestures back to me.

“Laura?” she asks, disinterested.

“Lauren,” I correct, forcing myself to smile. “Nice to see you again.”

“Eleanor,” Daniel intervenes. “Could you point us in the direction of Henry and Claire, perhaps?”

She frowns, but quickly covers it up. “They were in the kitchen last I checked— we have just got to catch up later.”

“We will!” He agrees graciously. “Let us get a drink, and I’m sure we'll have plenty of time to talk later.”

Daniel puts a hand on my back, guiding me forward and into another room, which turns out to be the kitchen. He’s immediately drawn into a series of bro hugs and handshakes by Henry and some of his other friends.

“Lauren! I’m so glad you came!” I turn to find Claire by a table of beverages.

“Claire! So nice to see you, thank you for inviting me.”

“Thank you for coming,” she says, pulling me into a quick hug. “I told Daniel he just had to bring you.”

I laugh. “He told me you were quite persistent— I usually have a low key New Year’s at home, but this is a fun change of pace.”

“Can I get you a drink?” She asks, already reaching for a bottle of champagne.

“Sure, thank you.” I catch Daniel’s eye across the room; he’s being clapped on the back and led out of the kitchen. I smile reassuringly, hoping to communicate that I’m fine here. He seems to understand, as he smiles back and nods before turning back to his friends.

Claire giggles, bringing my attention back to her.

“You look at him with such heart eyes, it’s cute.”

I try to keep my face from panicking. “Sorry?” She laughs like my reaction is the funniest thing in the world. “Oh don’t worry, he looks at you just the same, so you’re fine.”

I chuckle nervously. “I think maybe you’ve got the wrong impression—”

She shrugs like we’re talking about something commonplace, like the weather.

“Maybe, it’s possible... but I don’t think so. Now come! There’s some other girls I’d love for you to meet.”

—-

I spend a good portion of the night talking with Claire and her friends. They’re all very kind to me, but eventually I excuse myself to get some air out on the balcony.

I’m looking up at the sky — it’s dark, dotted with faint stars and a distant passing plane — when I hear somebody come out and join me. As they settle next to me against the railing I immediately know who it is just by how comfortable I feel.

“Whatcha doin out here, LaurLaur? The New Year’s only a few minutes away.”

I grin at him. “Just getting some air and admiring the stars. From up here you can actually see them.”

He hums, looking up with me.

“It reminds me of a certain piece of art a certain someone got me for Christmas.”

He chuckles. “I’m glad you like it so much.”

“It was very thoughtful…. I wonder if any of the stars are in the same places as they were that night.”

“Which night?”

“The night everything changed. Your birthday.”

Daniel leans against the railing facing me, and looks like he’s about to say something before he changes his mind.

Eventually he speaks again. “Things are going to change again soon, right? You said you’re sure about the break up?”

I swallow, scoffing my shoe against the balcony floor.

“I mean, we still need to figure it out, but you can’t keep fake dating me forever. That isn’t fair to you.”

He smiles wistfully. “It’s not like there was anyone else I was trying to date.”

“I’m a lucky girl,” I lament, and Daniel blushes and shakes his head. “It’s a real shame we’re over, though," I jest, trying to lighten the mood. "I’ve never gotten to kiss anyone at midnight.”

His eyebrows raise in surprise. “Never?”

“Nope,” I pop the p and look down at my feet.

“Well.” He clears his throat conspiratorially. “We can agree not to bring our fake relationship into the New Year if you want, but if the kiss starts before midnight, I think we’d get by on a technicality...”

I laugh. “You really want Eleanor to hate me, don’t you?”

He grins cheekily and shakes his head. “Nah, I think I saw her latched onto some other poor bugger inside. We’re in the clear.”

I roll my eyes, looking back up at the sky. I feel his finger trace my arm, gently using my elbow to turn my attention back towards him.

His voice is softer now, “It’s up to you, but there’s no one else I’d rather kiss at midnight.”

I look into his eyes and realize he’s being sincere. My heart’s beating out of my chest. Yes, I want to kiss him, but I want it to mean something. I keep giving in because I know one day this is all going to go away, and I’ll be left with just my memories and heartache.

He must see some hesitance in my eyes, because he’s taking a step back.

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine. Really.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “Not trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

I shake my head. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just…” I trail off, looking over the balcony, trying to swallow my feelings, which have manifested as anxious tears in my eyes. I feel a tear escape, and I hastily reach up to wipe it away.

“Hey,” Daniel says gently. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t.” I let out a watery laugh. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m…”

I feel his steady stare, and I come to terms with the fact that I’ve really gotten myself into a mess that I can’t just smooth over. I’m going to have to tell him.

I take a minute to compose myself, and Daniel stays quiet giving me time to put my words together as I look anywhere but at him.

“I do want to kiss you, D,” I start slowly, trying to keep my voice steady, “but I can’t if it’s just another part of our fake relationship.”

He tugs me closer by hand, gently, so I have no choice but to look at him. I swallow the lump in my throat. “I… know this wasn’t supposed to be real. But it has been, for me.”

He shakes his head and squeezes my hand. “So then stop trying to break up with me.”

I blink at him, and he continues.

“The night everything changed— your star map— I wasn’t referencing the story we told your family about my birthday.” Daniel looks at me long and hard like I’m missing something totally obvious. “It’s actually the stars from a night a month or so later.”

A month or two— Oh. OH.

“The night Ryan FaceTimed me?” I whisper, afraid to be wrong.

He takes my other hand in his, lacing our fingers together. “Listen— Fuck. I’m in love with you, Lauren.” He looks at me so intensely and my head is spinning. “I love you, and I’m in love with you.”

“What?” I ask dumbly.

He licks his lips. “A wise woman once said to me, you don’t confess to ‘kind of like someone’ when you’ve already been friends as long as we have.”

I stare at him for a second, my cheeks burning. “Well your friend sounds pretty smart.” I swallow. “Because I love you, too.”

He laughs, relief flooding his features. He pulls me to his chest, crushing me and squeezing the air out of my lungs. Eventually he pulls back, hands cupping my face.

He grins and shakes his head. “She is smart, so, so smart, but I don’t want to be her friend anymore.”

“What do you mean?” My brows furrow in confusion, worried that somehow I’ve misread this whole interaction, my relief quickly being replaced by panic.

“Well.” He steps forward, keeping our faces incredibly close. “I’m hoping she agrees to be my very real girlfriend— that is, if she doesn’t break up with me first.”

I hear everyone inside start the countdown to midnight. I’m still looking into Daniel’s eyes in disbelief, my hands clinging to the front of his shirt.

When the countdown hits one, I’ve finally found the words I want to say.

“Happy New Year, boyfriend.”

He’s grinning as he kisses me, and I am too. It’s not our most elegant kiss, a mess of teeth and giggles, and whispered “I love you”s. We never stray too far from each other’s lips, kissing again and again like we can’t get enough— and maybe we can’t.

Eventually, we calm down a bit, and when we kiss this time it’s all-consuming, sucking the air out of my lungs. It feels like my love is fizzling to the top of my skin, and I feel it. ‘It’ being every indescribable emotion in our kisses this past year, but this time I know what it is: true, unadulterated, uninhibited love. I am in love with my best friend, who is now my boyfriend, and I don’t care who knows it— as long as he does.

His fingers press bruisingly into my hips before he pulls back just enough to look at me.

“Can we go home?” He whispers sheepishly, brushing some hair out of my face tenderly. “I’m kind of tired of sharing you with the public.”

I huff a laugh. “I know exactly what you mean.” I lean forward to kiss him one last time before pulling back to lace our fingers together, squeezing tightly. “Please— take me home, D.”

I don’t have to tell him twice.

---

tagged: @rogershoe @heyrowena @yunsh-17 @trenko-heart @dylxnshxrmxn

#THE END!!!!#can you believe it?!#daniel sharman fluff #daniel sharman x oc #daniel sharman fanfiction #daniel sharman fanfic #daniel sharman fic #daniel sharman imagine #yellow lights

65 notes · View notes

braiawrites · 4 years ago

Text

Lost & Found - Chapter 4

Summary: A glimpse into Pellia's story. || Inspired by this prompt by @newblood-freya

Words: 2046

Rating: sfw

Warnings: Minor mention of blood.

Links:

Fic Masterlist

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FIVE

Prompt by newblood-freya

Read it on AO3

Writing Masterlist

Send me an ask!

***

“Alright, fine. I’ll figure it out myself,” the mortal said, her eyes dark under a scowl.

Pellia watched as she turned, Cardan perched on her shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. She hadn’t necessarily meant to harm him when she’d changed him into a cat, but from the way the girl clearly coddled him, she thought perhaps she’d done him a favour.

Cardan twisted to look back at her in the cramped confines of the cell. He gave her a slow, haughty blink—probably because he couldn’t smirk—before settling himself like a scarf over the human’s shoulders.

Pellia did the only thing one could be expected to do in response to such an insult: she flipped him off, and then, for good measure, stuck her tongue out at him too.

He flicked his tail before turning away, and Pellia threw her arms up with an exclamation of defeat.

“That was so unnecessary,” she called after the retreating form of the cat prince and his human. Neither of them turned back.

With a sigh, Pellia retreated to the palette at the back of her cell and sank onto the bed. She felt the prickle of tears at the corners of her eyes, but she tried to push them down, blink them away, something. She couldn't cry, not here, not now.

If any tears were to be shed, they wouldn’t be hers. She’d vowed that to herself six months ago, when she’d crossed the sea from Delaware to Faerieland. She’d come with steel in her hands and poisons at her belt. With fury in her eyes and vengeance on her heart. She had come with one purpose and one purpose alone: to take back what was hers, what he’d stolen.

And until she recovered what she’d come for, she had vowed that she would not weep.

You will not cry, she reminded herself. You will not cry, you will not cry—

“You will not cry.” The words were carried from her mouth on a trembling breath, a mantra and a promise and a plea, torn from so deep in her heart that Pellia was certain her next breath would be crimson with blood.

Her thoughts fell again to Cardan and the girl, her skin burning bright with shame as she realized she had never actually seen them leave. She hoped they hadn’t heard her.

Oh, yes, she thought bitterly, because that would be all she needed: the cruel prince and his nosy human girlfriend, seeing her at her weakest. The cherry on top of her melting sundae.

She laughed at the thought, and then laughed some more, because there was something churning in her gut and clutching at her heart, and if she didn’t laugh at the pain then she’d cry and she wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t do that.

No matter how much it hurt, no matter how bitter she felt or how hot her rage burned, she could not cry until she was free and back home in Delaware, until she was safe and her family was whole again.

~ ~ ~

She’d known a storm was brewing from the first time she'd met him. It had been a Wednesday evening and the wind blowing off the coast was warm with the promise of summer. Pellia had been walking home from school, her slender fingers skillfully weaving a crown of wildflowers. Beside her, her younger sister talked animatedly about her day: the presentation she’d given in science class, the book her English class was starting, who she’d talked with at lunch.

Neither of them noticed the figure following twenty or so paces behind them.

Pellia tucked the last stem into the crown and turned it in her hands, admiring her handiwork as Amber changed topics.

“So, in drama we’re doing A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and I’m going to audition for Titania. I think I’d make a good Faerie queen, anyway, but I was thinking maybe you could help me act all magical and Fae-like.”

Pellia looked up from where she was fixing a rip in a flower petal. It was a small magic, but Amber’s eyes sparked as she watched the petal knit itself together.

“I’ll never get tired of seeing you do that,” she sighed. “I wish I had magic.”

Pellia’s brow lifted. “Faerie isn’t as innocent as you think it is, love.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I didn’t say anything about Faerie,” Amber pouted, “just that I wish I had magic. I dunno, I think it would be cool.”

“You have your own kind of magic—the power of being the bane of my existence and also somehow my favourite human.” Pellia’s shoulder bumped Amber’s in a playful jostle.

“You flatter me, oh great pain in my a—”

“Hey! Watch your profanity.”

“My profanity!”

“Mhm.”

“You have the dirtiest mouth I’ve ever heard from anyone. And you’re telling me to watch my language?!”

Pellia let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head. “Nevermind.” She paused, lifting the flower crown in her hands. “For my Queen Titania. I spelled it so it wouldn’t die.”

Amber took the circlet almost reverently holding it up to see each vibrant petal in the sun’s light.

“It’s shiny,” she pointed out. “Is there a glamour on it?”

Pellia gave her sister a lopsided grin. “A little. I tried to tone it down a bit, but—I couldn’t resist. It’ll glamour you, too, when you wear it.”

Her younger sister said nothing for a moment, just staring at the crown—and then a huge grin broke across her face, brighter than a thousand suns.

“I love it, Pell, thank you.”

She lifted the crown to nestle among chestnut locks, letting the leaves weave into her hair. As soon as they touched her head, she seemed to glow more vividly, her eyes sparkling and her skin smoothing and her cheeks blushing a warm pink. She beamed at her older sister, then shoved her off the sidewalk.

Pellia squeaked as she flailed to catch her balance. Her eyes, glamoured brown, met Amber’s mischievous hazel gaze.

“I just made you a flower crown, bro,” Pellia said, her shock mingling with amusement.

“Yeah, and I love it!”

“Well, you’re a little brat, you know that?”

“Love you, too, Pell!” Amber sang, spinning gracefully to continue the last stretch of their walk home.

Pellia shook her head—and that was when she saw him, out of the corner of her eye.

Wearing a long, dark shirt, tied at the waist with a golden sash, woolen leggings despite the tepid weather, and leather slip shoes that clearly had not come from the human world, he was impossible to mistake.

How long had he been following them? Pellia wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

She turned, casually, and started after Amber’s retreating form at a stroll, before breaking into a jog with a call of, “You’re going to pay for that! And for making me run!”

Ahead, Amber cackled. As Pellia caught up to her, she elbowed her sister in the side, grinning.

“Hey, so guess what?”

“What?”

“Well, act natural, and don’t look, but there’s someone trailing us.”

Before Amber could follow the natural inclination to glance over her shoulder, Pellia slung her arm around her little sister’s neck and leaned in.

“I said don’t look. Now pretend I said something funny.”

Amber laughed. It was actually very convincing—she was a good actress.

“You’re kidding,” the younger girl chuckled, bumping her older sister with her elbow.

“I wish I was. But something about him makes me uneasy. And he’s fey, too, which pretty much automatically means bad news.”

“How would you even know that?”

“I saw it!” Pellia said, pulling out her phone. “Like, I turned around and he was just—right there. I swear!”

Opening her camera, Pellia angled her phone to better see their stalker. She made a show of checking her hair, her makeup, eyes glued to the figure in the background. She zoomed in. The hilt of a sword peeked over his shoulder.

Definitely not peaceable, then, she thought. Pellia made her decision:

“We're not going home.” She pulled her sister by the arm, turning a corner away from their house.

“I think you're being a tiny bit paranoid, Pell,” Amber said, attempting to pull away.

“No,” the pixie shook her head. The buildings on this street were tighter, packed together with cramped alleyways between every couple.

They approached an intersection and Pellia pointed to the building across the way. “Go, inside the gas station. I'll come get you in a sec.”

“Fiiine.” The younger girl pouted, but turned away.

“Hurry!” Pellia hissed, and Amber jogged across the empty street.

Rushed footsteps came from around the corner, and Pellia ducked down one of the alleys, dropping her bag and pressing herself against the brick wall.

She listened, trying to quiet her breathing.

The steps ceased abruptly. Pellia reached for the cord around her neck, pulling it from beneath her shirt.

The dagger she unsheathed was small, but definitely better than nothing. She tucked the sheath on its cord back beneath her shirt and adjusted her grip on the hilt. The leather was smooth beneath her fingers, the blade glinting sharply.

The footsteps resumed, cautiously.

Their owner came into view, looking the wrong direction. Pellia slipped from the alley and slid behind him, the edge of her knife held to his neck as pulled him back into the shade between houses. At his struggle, she pressed the blade against his skin.

“I don't know which part of Faerie you're from,” she purred into his ear, “but in the court where I grew up, it was generally considered rude to follow people like that.”

She shoved him face first into the wall, her hand between his shoulder blades. “So? Who are you and what do you want?”

“I was just sent to gather intel, I’m not here to hurt you,” he said. His voice was higher than she’d expected and his throat bobbed under her blade as he spoke.

“I’m so reassured.” The sarcasm dripping from Pellia’s voice was fatal. “Who sent you?”

“I—I can’t say,” he said.

“You might wanna try.” Her blade pressed in.

“Oath!” he squeaked, flinching away from her. “I took an oath, I cannot speak his name!”

Pellia’s brows went up at this. To hold that kind of power over someone…

“Why does he want to know about me?”

“I don’t know,” the fae whimpered. “He doesn’t tell me these things. I only know what I am to do, never the reason.”

She rocked back on her heels, allowing her grip to loosen on his collar. Her mind was racing, trying to fit together the insubstantial pieces of this puzzle. She hadn’t dealt with anyone from Faerie since they’d fled to the mortal world. She didn’t know how she’d been found, let alone why someone would be tracking her in the first place.

“Please don’t kill me.” The words came out as little more than a breath, but they sent a little thrill through Pellia’s stomach all the same.

She laughed. “Kill you? This is a new shirt, I don’t want your blood all over it. Besides, I need you to take a message back for me.”

Her captive nodded, his cheek scraping against the brick.

She leaned in. “Tell your boss that if he wants to know something, he can come talk to me himself. And in the meantime, he can stay out of my business. Oh, and you might also let him know that I hold grudges; the next person he sends to ‘gather intel’ won’t be coming back.”

At the faerie’s promise to leave immediately, Pellia released him. She watched as he headed back toward the coast, flinching at a passing car. What had been the point in sending someone to trail her, especially someone so obviously out of his depth in the human world?

Pellia shook her head. She hoped this would be the end of it, but something deep down told her that it wouldn’t be over so simply.

Two weeks later, she returned home to a dark haired, silver-eyed prince in her living room. Her family was out.

“My greetings, Pellia Nerium,” Balekin Greenbriar said. “Have a seat. I have a proposition to discuss with you.”

***

A/N: This chapter was so much fun to write and I developed Pellia's backstory so much, which I was kind of not expecting. I feel like I'm discovering what happens next along with all of you haha! I do hope you've been enjoying so far! I promise cat!Cardan and Jude will be back next chapter.

Thank you for sticking around every week to read, it honestly makes me so happy to know that there are people who are enjoying my writing. And if you have the time, I would love if you left a comment to let me know what you think! Also, please let me know if you'd like to be added to my tag list!

Until next week, lovelies!

Tagging: @stardustsroses @nahthanks @jurdanhell @my-one-true-l @thefolkofthefic @greenbriarxrose @bookavert @queen-of-demons-and-hell @theviolettulip @lysandra-ghost-leopard @playlistmusings @localgoof @garnet-babe @iamaprincessallgirlsare

69 notes · View notes

onlysarah235678 · 4 years ago

Text

A Little Bit Part 18

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N: Hi I’m back! Exam week kicked my ass and I feel like my brain cells are gone, but here’s another chapter! This gif makes me feel things.❤️

Warnings: annoying interview people. I think that’s it?

Billie is already gone for the first interview by the time you wake up. She told you the night before that she didn’t want to wake you this time and you hadn’t argued. After dinner your headache had come back and despite taking your medicine, it followed you into sleep. You had woken up briefly when Billie left, but your head was hurting too much to stay awake. You may have thanked her when she said that she would walk and feed Milo before leaving him in the living room.

Now you were up and about and feeling a lot better. After taking your medication and drinking an obscene amount of water, you are able to make your way downstairs to Milo. He’s waiting patiently for you which is a bit of a surprise, but you’re glad to see that he’s gotten the restlessness out of his system. You scratch him behind the ears and let him lick your hand before you head for the kitchen. It’s already 9 am and you know Billie will be on soon, but you also know that watching her interview right now would make your headache worse.

You plan on watching it later, once you’re feeling better, but for now you’re more concerned about breakfast. You open the fridge and grab a handful of ingredients before you get cooking. Your phone buzzes when you’re finishing up, and you turn around to where you set it on the counter with a sigh. You need to learn to silence your phone since it only seemed to go off when you had a headache.

Hi Doc, hope you’re feeling better!

You smile in surprise at the message from Erin. You hadn’t been expecting to hear from her again, but you’re glad to. You message her for a few minutes before she mentions your car. She says that nothing has happened, but that she and Lindsey were willing to bring it by your apartment or Billie’s if you wanted. They would be free later today since they only worked a half shift. You’re tempted to tell her not to worry about it because you really don’t need your car, but you’re paranoid and would like to have it nearby.

Eventually you tell Erin that you will be here all day and if she and Lindsey really want to, they can bring it. There is a spare key in your desk because within the first week of working there you had locked your keys in your car and that had been embarrassing to deal with. You told Erin some of this before thanking her and finally getting to your breakfast. You nearly trip over Milo when you turn to leave the kitchen. You hadn’t realized that he was now sitting right beside you, and you curse under your breath as you nearly fall on your face and drop all of your food.

“Shit! Milo. Watch out!”

Milo just stares at you waiting until you decide to move again, and you just sigh before shaking your head. You shoot him a look before rolling your eyes when he fails to respond.

“What are we going to do all day, Milo?”

As soon as Billie was off the set, she was lighting a cigarette. She was ticked off and she wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. She definitely could have done without this interview, but unfortunately she had underestimated people’s interest in her love life. She sighs as she pushes open the door to the outside and hurries across the parking lot to her car. She didn’t get in it immediately, despite her rush because she didn’t want it smelling like smoke.

Billie leans against her car with another sigh that quickly becomes a groan. She wasn’t sure why people were so fixated on her relationship. Sure, it was new and exciting, but it wasn’t anyone’s business but her own. Billie hoped that you hadn’t been watching this one because she talked about her show for maybe a total of five minutes before things took a turn toward her personal life.

She hadn’t said anything more than last time, but this interviewer was definitely pushier about it. He had insinuated things that Billie didn’t appreciate and she had told him this in a way that was difficult to misunderstand.

Of course, he had, or at least pretended to, and she’d had to sit through another five minutes of him trying to not flat out ask if you were sleeping together yet.

Billie puts out her cigarette before getting in her car. She doesn’t know where she’s going because she needs to be at the other studio in a couple of hours, but she doesn’t want to head there yet. She starts the car and begins her drive to nowhere in particular.

She’s still a little peeved and muttering to herself when her phone rings. She pulls into a nearby lot because she knows better than to try and dig through her purse while driving. She grabs it right before it stops ringing and she frowns when she sees that it was you. She is about to call you back when her phone dings as your text comes in.

He was kind of an ass, wasn’t he?”

Billie laughs at this before putting her phone back in her purse. She decides that she’s going to make a detour on her way to her next interview.

You jump in surprise when the front door opens suddenly. You turn quickly to see Billie walking through the door with a tried sigh. You watch as Milo jumps up only to wag his tail when he sees who it is. You jump off the couch before hurrying over to Billie with your arms held out and what you hope is a sympathetic smile.

“Hi. Rough day?”

Billie just groans under her breath before nodding in agreement. She pulls you into a hug and you feel her relax immediately as you hold her tightly. You sigh before speaking into her shoulder because you’re not ready to pull away yet.

“I’m sorry he was such an idiot. You handled him well though. I definitely would not have.”

You laugh slightly before pulling away and leading Billie to the kitchen. You pull out a chair for her at the counter motioning for her to sit down. She does with a small smile before watching you head to the fridge. You aren’t sure what to grab because Billie technically has to leave, you glance at the clock before looking to Billie with a frown.

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be at your next interview?”

Billie just laughs before taking the offered glass of water with a quiet thank you. You just smile as you lean on the counter and prop your head on your hands. Billie shoots you a look that you just smile at in amusement.

“Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?”

You nod immediately before deadpanning. “Definitely. I have someone coming over soon.”

You watch as Billie rolls her eyes before taking a long sip of her water. You don’t realize you’re staring until Billie speaks and you look up to see her smirking at you.

“Is that right?”

You just nod dumbly because you honestly can’t even remember what you just said to her. You are too busy admiring Billie’s appearance, she’s all made up for television again, to realize that she’s caught on to this, and she reaches out for you. You turn as Billie’s hand moves to your cheek and it takes you a moment to focus on what she’s saying long enough to respond.

“You’re waiting for someone?”

You nod again before saying the first thing that comes to mind. “Yeah. Erin.”

You don’t elaborate as you take a sip of your own water. You’re still forcing yourself to drink as much as possible because it has made your headache better. You take a long gulp before looking back to Billie. She’s frowning and you open your mouth to ask what’s wrong, but she speaks first.

“Erin’s coming over?”

Your eyes widen in realization before you nod and look to the clock again. She wouldn’t be over until later, maybe not until three, and you say this before mentioning what you’d talked about earlier.

“At some point this afternoon yes. She’s dropping off my car.”

Billie doesn’t say anything for a second. She’s thinking about how you shouldn’t be driving yet, but she holds back on saying this before simply asking the obvious question.

You tell Billie about how Erin had checked in on you earlier and then offered to bring your car over. You make sure to mention that you don’t even want to drive yet, but that you are really a little paranoid about keeping it there. Billie smiles sympathetically at this because she can understand where you’re coming from. She just sighs before pulling out the chair next to her and moving to it before shooting you a questioning look. She pats the chair that she’d been sitting in and you smile slightly before moving to sit next to Billie. The medium wraps an arm around your shoulders with a smirk.

“You know if you wanted me to drive you somewhere, you only had to ask.”

Billie is mostly kidding because she believes that you didn’t really want to go anywhere. Still, she loves to tease you and you half groan, half whine under your breath as you turn to face your girlfriend.

“The only place I want to go Billie, other than the grocery store at some point, is to that restaurant we talked about. If you’re up to it later.”

You watch as Billie’s smile widens and she laughs before leaning in to kiss you. She pulls away before tilting her head slightly.

“You want to go to the grocery store?”

Billie leaves shortly after because she still has an interview to get to. Before leaving, however, she had promised that you two could go shopping once she’s back. You now were just sitting around with Milo waiting until Erin and Lindsey showed up. You had just walked him again and now he was sleeping at your feet as you play a game on your phone. You were tired but restless at the same time, and you didn’t know what to do about it. Finally, you decide that you should go upstairs to check on the kittens. You haven’t felt on any of them in a while, so you figure now was as good a time as any.

You find that Bit is on her way out so you just let her by before you hurry inside to see the kittens. You see them lying in their bed all on top of one another and you smile when you realize that Mickey is on top. He’s shifting in his sleep and you just sit down and watch him kick his siblings as he tries to get more comfortable.

After watching for another minute, you decide to grab him and spare the other kittens. You smile as he mewls in annoyance and you hold him up as you admire how much he’s grown. He’s definitely a little chunky, but you’re not going to tell Billie that, at least not until you’re back at work, but he’s also no longer at the bottom of the pile. Figuratively and literally.

You hold him for a little while longer before putting him back with the rest of the kittens. You don’t want to bother them so you decide to head downstairs and see what Milo is up to. You haven’t heard anything since leaving him which could be good or bad. You expect Bit to be as far away from your dog as possible. You walk down the stairs and nearly fall when you spot Milo in the living room. He is exactly where you left him, licking his paws and lying on the rug. You stop in your tracks though when you see that Bit is practically leaning against Milo as she grooms herself, not a care in the world.

You’re not sure if you’re more surprised by the fact that Bit is hanging out with Milo, or that Milo isn’t paying her any mind. You really wish you had your phone to take a picture to send it to Billie. However, it doesn’t matter for much longer because once you start walking again and reach the bottom of the stairs Milo spots you and he abandons his spot on the rug to come say hi. You smile as you reach out to scratch him.

“Hey, Milo. Making friends?”

He doesn’t respond. Instead, he turns to the front door when the doorbell rings. You are halfway to the kitchen to get your phone, but you turn around and hurry to the door instead. Erin is early.

You usher Milo out of the way, and he’s sitting behind you watching intently as you open the door. Erin and Lindsey are standing on the front porch, the former holding out your keys to you. You smile as you wave the two of them in. They’re in their work clothes so they must have come straight here, which made sense. You peek behind them and see your car parked on the street and you smile wider as you close the door behind them.

“Hi you two. Thank you so much for coming by. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble?”

Both of them shake their heads as they meet Milo who is quick to greet them. He of course recognizes them and it doesn’t take him long to end up on his back asking for scratches. They indulge him for a little while before you lead the pair to the kitchen with a smile.

“Do either of you want anything to drink? Did you just come from work?”

You’re heading to the fridge when Erin responds and you stop short at what she says.

“I’m good, thanks! We did, but it was only a half day so it wasn’t too bad.”

You smile at this before turning to Lindsey who’s nodding in agreement. You turn to see Milo who is sitting at their feet sniffing them. He certainly smells every appointment that each of them had seen today. You are about to call him off when Lindsey reaches out to pet him.

“Yeah, it was the usual, minus you of course. We hope you’re feeling better?”

You smile at this before nodding in confirmation. Your headache comes and goes and it’s worse if you’re doing certain things. It hasn’t been too bad today though. You mention a few other things about how you’ve just been sitting around and you were bored out of your mind before you change the subject. You are excited to get back to work, but you also don’t really want to be back in the public eye again. However, you decide that you need to ask since they just came from work.

“Are there reporters still camped out at work?”

You motion for the two who had just been standing to sit down at the counter. You watch as Erin scowls while Lindsey cringes slightly at your question. You can’t help but sigh in defeat at your wishful thinking. You should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy.

Erin sighs as she sits down and crosses her arms before nodding in confirmation.

“Unfortunately. It’s obvious that you’re not there, but I think they’re just waiting it out.”

Lindsey nods in agreement watching as you frown in annoyance. You just hope that they haven’t been bothering anyone.

“They’re not harassing anyone are they?”

This time Lindsey shakes her head and she mentions how they don’t leave their cars whenever they come by. They appeared at opening like clockwork and left after all the doctors were gone.

“Nope. They’re just waiting. I guess they didn’t see the interviews.”

This makes you stop and you smile slightly as Lindsey stiffens and Erin stops petting Milo when the blonde says this. So they saw Billie’s interviews. You couldn’t help but ask since you knew your opinion was biased as hell.

“You watched Billie’s interviews?”

Erin realizes that there really was no point in trying to lie. She was near obsessed with Billie and she didn’t hide it well. She looks to Lindsey while nodding and admitting what she’d thought about them.

“Yeah, we watched the first one. She’s very good a deflecting.”

You smile slightly at this before you look to the clock. You hope that Billie is doing alright and that she won’t be given too much grief at this next interview.

Billie tries not to fidget as she sits across from her next interviewer in front of a full house. She was about to start the next interview and she was eager to get going because she wants to be done. Specifically, she wants to see you. She hopes that this one goes better than the last because she wasn’t in the mood to deal with invasive questions.

Billie sits up as the host, Dave sighs and smiles at her before glancing to the audience.

“Glad you could join us today; I know we’re all excited to hear about the next season of your show.”

The audience cheers at this and Billie lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. She can talk about her show no problem. She could talk anyone’s ear off about how much she loves what she does and how grateful she is to get the chance to help people.

She spends the first ten minutes answering questions about her experiences filming her show. She answers what the scariest part of the season would be, which ironically she’d had nightmares about for a while. Then she talked about her favorite moments. She was most excited for everyone to see the last episode, and she talks about that as much as she can without spoiling it.

They are about half way through the interview when the conversation starts to stray from her show. Billie just smiles and answers the easiest question she’s had all day.

“Yes, for about a month.”

Dave just smiles before he asks a few questions that Billie is sure he and most of the audience already know the answers to. Billie just nods before holding back the urge to sigh at the line of questioning. She manages a smile instead.

“Yes, she’s a vet.”

Dave’s expression changes slightly, and Billie doesn’t know why until he speaks up again. He’s shooting her a curious look, but Billie can tell that he’s holding back a smile, maybe even a smirk. She doesn’t have much time to consider it before he asks his deceptively innocent question.

“Y/N moved here recently, right? How is she adjusting to LA?”

Billie tells the truth. She says that you’ve been here a couple months and you are still getting acclimated to the city. You work a lot and you honestly don’t get out much. Billie says this with a smile and in the nicest way possible. She’s mostly teasing, but she knows you wouldn’t be able to deny it.

Billie smiles before she shrugs and says something about how she’s going to make sure you get out more.

“I’m going to have to show her around once she’s better.”

This prompts Dave to ask about how you’ve been doing since the accident. Billie still hates that word, but she just goes with and says what she told the other two interviewers. Both of them seemed more concerned, or rather sincere, when they asked compared to Dave. It seemed perfunctory and Billie just reminds herself that it wasn’t worth it. At least he was asking.

“She’s doing much better yes. Thank you. “

Dave nods in response before he jumps to the next question. Billie has to remind herself not to react too much at it, but she stiffens a little before she sits up straighter.

“Does Y/N have any family in the area?”

Billie simply shakes her head before saying ‘no’. She decides to keep it short and not give any extra information in hopes that this will tip Dave off. She realizes that her effort is in vain because he just nods before asking her to elaborate.

“She has sisters that live back East, but that’s it.”

Billie knows where this is heading as soon as Dave shoots her a dubious look, but she sincerely hopes she’s wrong.

You sigh as you sit with Milo on the couch just trying to get some rest. You are glad that Erin and Lindsey were able to bring your car over, but talking to them, even for only about twenty minutes did a number on you. Your head started hurting about ten minutes in, but you were trying to power through which of course only made it worse. Luckily it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could be, so you were just riding it out.

You were lying down hoping it would just go away, and after about half an hour you were feeling well enough to risk a couple of minutes on your phone. You knew that Billie was filming her second interview and you hope that it went well for her. You don’t want a repeat of this morning, but there was no way of knowing now. You had to wait until Billie called or came back.

You leave your messages and look at the calendar absentmindedly. You go back to work on Monday and that’s the 5th. You pause as you look at the following week and you sigh before quickly locking your phone. You set it down before sitting up and reaching out for Milo with a sigh. You scratch him for a little bit before motioning for him to follow you. You try not to think too much about the weekend coming up, as you and Milo head to the backyard.

You’ve come to like spending time back here. It’s quiet, private and a great place to nap. You had been tempted to just go back to bed earlier, but it was sunny and you didn’t want Milo’s fur getting on the bed. You put Milo’s leash on and lead him to the edge of the yard so he can pee before taking him back to the deck. You lie down in one of the chairs and motion for Milo to sit beside you. You sigh before leaning back and reaching out to pet him with a yawn.

You stare at the sky for a while before shaking your head. You close your eyes and try not to worry about anything right now. You focus on Billie and your date tonight and that brings a smile to your face. You hope that Billie will be up to going out, but if not you’re sure you will enjoy your time with her regardless. You are quickly realizing that you’re up for doing just about anything with Billie. She’s so easy to be around and you wonder how you’d gone without having someone who so easily calmed you for so long. You definitely had underestimated the importance of having such a presence in your life.

You fall asleep thinking about how you’ll need Billie to keep you grounded in the weeks to come. You don’t wake up to her text messages that come after her interview, and you’re still asleep by the time she gets back.

Billie tries to control her temper. She doesn’t get mad a lot because she doesn’t see the point. There are better things to do than allow someone else to rile you up and manipulate your emotions. For this reason, Billie only frowns before shaking her head in response to Dave’s next question. She is not going to answer what she knows he wants to ask.

He had mentioned your dad earlier and how he’s read that horrible article about how Billie was helping you get over his death. It had portrayed you in an unflattering way and Billie had hated how she’d been described as the saint who fixed all of your problems. She had a lot of issues with this, but she wasn’t going to get into them now. She wasn’t about to talk about your business with anyone but you when she knew how sensitive this subject was. She tried not to be rude as she speaks up calmly, but in a way that should brook no argument.

“That’s not what I came here to talk about.”

Dave doesn’t respond to this immediately instead he watches Billie closely as she holds her ground with a frown.

“You don’t deny it? That you’ve seen Y/N’s father?”

Billie shakes her head as she shifts slightly in her seat before leaning back. She’s trying to shut this down, but she can’t help but feel the tension that has settled in the studio. It would be so much easier to answer him and get on with the interview. However, she knew she couldn’t do that for multiple reasons. It would be betraying your trust and Billie wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she did that to you. Let alone on ‘live’ television.

“I’m not answering that, Dave because it’s not anyone’s business but Y/N’s.”

Billie nearly sighs in relief as Dave just holds up his hands in surrender, smiling slightly despite how uncomfortable he’s made everything. At least he knows when to admit defeat. He quickly changes the subject and Billie counts down the minutes until she can get out of here.

When they’re off the air only ten minutes later, Dave is sighing as he removes his microphone while shooting Billie a look. She shoots one right back and is standing up to leave before she even finishes her sentence.

“Come on, Billie. You couldn’t have just answered the question?”

Billie scowls at him before rolling her eyes in annoyance. She has had it with him and she wants him to know it. She’s not looking forward to this interview airing, but at least she doesn’t have to worry about it until later. Her main concern was getting out of here before she says something that she would really regret.

“No because it’s none of your damn business Dave.”

Billie doesn’t wait for his response before she leaves the way she came in. She stops by her dressing room to grab her things before practically storming out of the building. She pulls out her phone and starts to text you before she just sighs and deletes it. She needs a few minutes to calm down before she checks in with you.

Billie got in her car and spent the drive home thinking about how she really needed to figure out what to do. She knew that she could keep saying the same thing in the future, refusing to comment, but that would get old fast. Maybe she could keep it up, or maybe it would become old news soon. Billie just hoped that you didn’t want to watch tonight’s interview.

When Billie makes it home, she can think of nothing she wants to do more than change clothes and lie down until dinner. She doesn’t see you, or Milo for that matter, in the living room, so she assumes that you are asleep upstairs. She goes and checks the guest bedroom, but you’re not there either. Maybe you’re walking Milo.

Billie decides to text you before she changes clothes and heads down the hall to check on the kittens. A few minutes later Billie is downstairs in the kitchen for a much-needed drink. She pours herself a glass and turns to the backyard only to stop short when she sees Milo lying on the deck beside one of the chairs. She puts down her glass before moving toward the back door, and she smiles when she sees you fast asleep. She noticed your car out front and realizes that Erin must have dropped by already. She moves to sit next to you in the other chair before telling Milo to be quiet.

He of course greets her with a whine and a couple of licks before doing as he’s told and lying down. Billie sits and just watches you sleep for a couple of minutes. She takes comfort in the sight of you sleeping peacefully and she hates to wake you.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Billie doesn’t have to make that decision because Milo whines loudly enough that you start to stir. Billie sighs in defeat before she just rolls her eyes when Milo tries to jump up next to her. She watches as you groan under your breath before opening your eyes with a frown.

You look around with a sigh and you jump in surprise when you see Billie. You smile as you sit up and turn towards her, but you have to wave Milo away when he tries to get under your feet. You stand up and move to sit next to Billie before you realize that something’s off. She’s smiling, but it doesn’t seem sincere and you frown as you reach out for her.

“Billie, what’s wrong?”

You feel silly the moment the question leaves your mouth because what could be bothering her other than her interview? You must have lost track of time and slept for far longer than you bargained for. You know that you couldn’t have watched it, but you would have liked to at least to be up when she got back.

Billie just squeezes your hand with a sigh before she shakes her head. She is about to lie to you, you know it, so you speak up before Billie can.

“You can tell me the truth. It’s okay. I can take it.”

Billie hesitates for a moment which really tells you all you need to know. You try not to sigh when she does before shaking her head again. She doesn’t want to talk about this with you because she’s afraid you won’t take it well. However, she doesn’t want to lie to you either, so she settles on telling you just the basics for now. The rest will come later. Once she’s had a little more time to process everything.

“My interview didn’t go very well.”

You frown at the expected news before looking to see that Billie was staring off into space. You wonder what they could have said because Billie seems more upset than you would expect.

“I’m sorry, Billie. Can I help in any way?”

Billie’s attention turns to you and she smiles before shaking her head. She looks around for a minute before deciding she wanted to go inside and talk about this.

“No sweetheart, just being back here with you helps.”

You smile at this and follow Billie inside when she stands up and holds out her hand to you. You motion for Milo to follow you, not that you really need to before you watch Billie head back to the kitchen. You see the abandoned glass of wine and realize that you clearly underestimated the time Billie had. You watch as she takes a sip before you move to grab a drink of your own from the fridge. Billie watches this and she berates herself for not asking you.

“Is there anything you want to do? To get your mind off of it?”

You hadn’t expected the answer that Billie gave you, but you were more than happy to do as she asked. You both were now sitting on the couch watching your favorite movie. It’s one you always go to when you need to feel better, and you’re surprised that Billie’s never seen it before. After hearing that you practically demanded you both watch it.

You shift a little to get more comfortable and you’re leaning on Billie before you realize you should probably ask. You don’t get a chance though before her arms wrap around you tighter and she pulls you so you’re practically on top of her. You smile as you turn your head so your face is buried in Billie’s stomach. You stay like that for a while before turning your attention to the screen. You love this movie, and you’re glad to be relaxing, but simply knowing that Billie’s still tense, feeling that she’s still tense, makes you frown.

You’re not even half way through the movie, but you can’t get into it being as preoccupied as you are. You turn slightly so you can see Billie, and she’s watching the movie with an amused look. She speaks before you can ask what’s on her mind, and you can’t help but smile a little.

“This was really your favorite movie as a kid?”

You smile to yourself at the thought of the first time you’d seen it before nodding in confirmation. You talk about how it was the one movie that never failed to make you feel better. You talk a little bit more about what you liked most before Billie just laughs in amusement. She runs her fingers through your hair with an adoring smile.

“I can see why you like it so much. I’m honored I get to watch it with you.”

You roll your eyes before you look back to the screen. You watch for a couple of minutes, and Billie continues to play with your hair before you remember that you were going to ask her what was bothering her. You turn away from the movie, despite it being at your favorite part, and look at Billie with a frown. Her hand is hovering above you now and she moves it away before shooting you a curious look.

“What is it, Y/N? I see you thinking.”

You sigh slightly before nodding in confirmation. You couldn’t pretend like you weren’t a little worried about what had happened at the interview. In all the time you’ve known Billie she rarely gets upset. You want to make sure she knows she can talk to you about anything that’s bothering her.

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t want to talk about what happened.”

Billie smiles at you and your willingness to help before she tells you the truth. At least most of it. She decides that hiding something from you might be worth it if saves you some pain.

“It’s alright. He just asked very personal questions that I didn’t want to answer.”

You groan at this before rolling your eyes at the thought. You weren’t looking forward to watching this interview tonight or tomorrow, but you did want to support Billie in whatever way you could. Still, you nod before sitting up and scooting closer to the medium. You turn your attention back to the movie smiling slightly at the scene before you.

You don’t last until the end of the movie, but Billie doesn’t bother waking you. She wants you to get your rest before you go out tonight. Billie turns back to the movie that’s ending with a sigh. She knows that she’s going to regret lying to you, but for now she didn’t want to do or tell you anything that would upset you. Not when you already have so much on your mind.

You wake up at the sound of the front door closing, and you roll over with a tired groan. You sit up quickly and look around, only to find that Billie is gone. You don’t get a chance to frown before you see her and Milo walking toward you with a smile. They must have just gotten back from a walk. How long were you asleep? You didn’t get to wonder why you were sleeping so much before Milo was on you. He hadn’t even let Billie take off his leash before he jumped you, and you laugh before catching him. You scratch him all over for a little while before you reach over him to take off his leash. You smile appreciatively as Billie offers to take it from you.

“Thanks Billie, and thanks for walking him.”

Billie just smiles before returning to your side and planting a kiss on your forehead.

“Of course, sweetheart. How did you sleep?”

Apparently, it was almost dinner time and you sat up a little straighter at this. You hadn’t realized how late it was, but you had been looking forward to going out with Billie. You hurry to stand up and head upstairs to get ready, but Billie stops you. She actually catches you as you sway slightly from the sudden movement, and you shoot her another grateful look before shaking your head. You know what she’s going to say next, but you’re feeling better and you’re not going to let Billie talk you into staying in.

“Are you sure you’re up for it? We don’t have to go, Y/N.”

You smile widely before shaking your head again and standing up straight with a sigh. You look briefly to Milo before deciding that he looks good enough to go out.

“No, I’m good to go. Let me just get changed. I’ll be back!”

Billie smiles as she watches you run upstairs, not bothering to stop Milo as he follows you. She supposes she should check on the cats before you three leave. First, she needs a cigarette, so she heads to the kitchen. That movie helped relax her while she watched it, but now she was free to think and worry about tonight again. She sighs as she takes a drag before heading to the backyard. She just needs a few minutes to herself. Then she’ll be ready.

Part 19

Tag list: @madamevirgo @illuminated-blue

#american horror story #ahs #ahs imagine #my fic #ahs fic #ahs fanfiction #ahs murder house #billie dean howard imagine #billie dean howard x reader #billie dean howard #a little bit #I'm sorry for the typos #I'm so tired #Billie dean Howard x female reader

68 notes · View notes

odos-bucket · 4 years ago

Text

So to continue my thoughts on Clark and Bruce adopting Jason together (begun here)

They go back to crime alley the next day. Bruce brings a copy of The Scarlet Pimpernel for Jason, who seems vaguely surprised to see them again. He isn’t as wary as he had been when they’d met in the middle of the night, and even sits beside Clark when they get onto the bus (though both end up giving their places up to other passengers before they can reach their destination).

At this point Clark and Bruce are focused on the idea of getting Jason enrolled in school, so the intention with this get together is to familiarize him with some potential institutions. Bruce was up all the previous night researching Gotham boarding schools, and reaching out to faculty members.

Despite all the preparation, the whole thing goes terribly.

Jason seems fine on the bus, but is tense and anxious during the actual school visits. He’s engaged by the classes and lectures he sits in on, but overall feels out of place, and is distrustful of pretty much everyone he ends up interacting with. He’s feeling conflicted, because he loves school, and he knows he’ll be pissed at himself forever if he really has this opportunity and ends up letting it slip by. But on the other hand he’s justifiably paranoid about perceived kindness from strangers (and yeah maybe it’s a little easier to trust Superman than it would be just anybody, but he still doesn’t really know the guy). And even if there isn’t some hidden catch to the offer, he’s not sure he can get on board with living somewhere where there’s a curfew, where his activities would be monitored. The idea of ceding any amount of control in his life at this point makes his skin crawl. He figures he owes it to himself to at least see if this is something that could work out, but goddamn if everything about it isn’t overwhelming and kind of horrifying.

And that’s all before other people start making themselves problems. Everywhere they end up going there’s bullshit to deal with from students, teachers, and administration.

Because of course the people running facilities designed to cater to Gotham socialites don’t treat Jason right. Even with freakin’ Batman and Superman with him he gets suspicious glares and withering looks.

None of that is any less than he expected. What really gets Jason is how put off everyone seems to be by his questions. He comes into every office with a list of things he’s curious about (Batman isn’t the only one who stayed up the previous night to prepare). He wants to know what percentage of the student bodies are there on scholarship, how the meal plans work, what the curfews are, how tightly regulated students’ time is outside of classes, what his life would be like if he put it into their hands.

The administrators don’t like the ‘interrogation’. Which is absolutely insane, because really they should expect any prospective student to have questions. And they should be prepared to answer them. That should be a part of their job, right??

But there’s this attitude of, “We don’t need to explain ourselves to the likes of you,” of, “Just be grateful you have a place here at all.” And that’s what puts Jason over the edge, has him realizing that this isn’t something he’s going to be able to deal with.

It’s after he gets more or less the same reception at the third place they’ve visited, that he finally just has to leave. He can’t take it, he can’t stand it, he has to get out of the office before he bites somebody’s head off.

He gets outside as quickly as he can, and feels some relief breathing in the fresh air (fresh by Gotham standards at least). He feels so stupid for believing he could have this. Really he should have known better. And he hates feeling stupid more than anything.

Superman trails out after him. And Jason can’t figure out what he’s still doing here. And he’s embarrassed to be upset in front of him. And he’s angry that he feels embarrassed when he doesn’t have any good reason to be. And-

“Jason.”

His name ends up cutting through the disorientation he hadn’t quite realized he was experiencing.

Superman is in front of him, just far enough away that he can’t reach out and touch him. Jason stares at him.

“This is shit,” he says, trying to keep his voice casual.

“What happened?”

They had offered to go in with him to meet the dean of the first school. Jason had turned them down, and they hadn’t offered any of the subsequent times. He hadn’t exactly been keeping them apprized of what was going on either, even though questioning him wasn’t something they had given up on after it had failed to yield anything the first time.

“The same thing that always happens,” Jason says. “No one really want someone like me at their fancy school.”

Superman’s eyes narrow.

“What happened?” He asks again. “What did he say?”

“Doesn’t matter… Look, this has been fun and all, but I kinda just want to go home. So if you don’t mind-“

Batman appears with them as quickly as he’s able to disappear. Neither see where he comes from. He’s just suddenly walking toward them, meeting them, and continuing on without slowing down.

“We’re leaving,” he grunts.

Jason hesitates briefly, confused. But then his thoughts catch up to him enough to realize that leaving is exactly what he wants to be doing, and he hurries after Batman.

The heroes are deeply engrossed in their own conversation as they make their way off the grounds. It’s soft, and urgent, and Jason assumes it has something to do with the fate of the world, which he’s vaguely interested in. But he doesn’t think they’d appreciate him asking questions about things that don’t directly concern him. So he says nothing.

As they get closer to the street he realizes he’s not sure what happens next. He’s feeling tired, and frustrated, and he both really wants to be alone, and doesn’t want them to leave him. Mostly- at least so he tells himself- he wants to make sure that they don’t leave him without bus fare. He’s pretty sure they’ll give it to him if he asks, but he’s also hoping that he doesn’t need to ask.

Once they’re off the property, Batman turns around to face him.

“Jason, I’m so sorry. I don’t know exactly what Dean Sterlins said to you, but if it was anything like what he was saying while I was in there, it was way way out of line.” He starts off sounding tired, and ends up sounding angry.

Angry grownups are something that Jason generally tries to avoid, but Batman’s anger doesn’t feel particularly dangerous, and as he goes on it shifts into something more like urgency.

“Please believe, we never would have knowingly put you in that situation. I- Were the others the same?” There’s a hint of resignation in his tone that suggests he already knows the answer to that, so Jason doesn’t feel the need to do more than shrug.

Batman sighs, and it comes out as such an unexpectedly sad sound that he almost snorts out a laugh.

“Why didn’t you say something before?” Superman asks gently.

Because he had been holding out a stupid hope that if he stuck with this long enough he might find something worthwhile. Because he didn’t want to give them a reason to believe he’s more trouble than he’s worth. Because it didn’t occur to him that they might genuinely want to know until literally just now.

He shrugs. The heroes exchange a look.

Jason’s grip on the book Batman gave him tightens slightly, and he clears his throat.

“Look, uh, I’m sure there’s somewhere else you guys need to be. I appreciate you taking the time to…” He gestures around. “You know.”

“There’s no where else we need to be today,” Superman says.

“Oh… Okay?”

“There’s one more place we’d like to take you,” he continues. “If it’s all right with you. It’ll be the last one.”

Jason wrinkles his nose. He kind of just wants to go home at this point. The optimistic ‘maybe the next place will be different’ feeling he’d had at the beginning of the day has long since shriveled. And curling up with his new book sounds pretty nice right now.

But at the same time, the last three visits have all included opportunities for free food. It stands to reason that this next one will as well. That should make it worth it even if he already knows with near certainty that they can’t be heading somewhere where he might actually have a future. Plus, Superman has this dumb, hopeful look on his face that it’s hard to say no to.

So he takes the bus with them to a fourth location. The ride’s a little less than half an hour long, and the building they arrive at looks different from the campuses they’d been to earlier. It’s not huge. The architecture is pretty simple by Gotham standards. It’s more immediately recognizable as a school.

They go inside, and Batman stops to exchange a few brief words with a woman in the front office.

“There’s a seventh grade English class starting in about ten minutes,” he informs Jason afterwards. “Would you like to sit in on it? We can meet back here afterwards.”

Jason agrees eagerly. This was the part of the last three trips that he’d actually liked. Maybe he can get in and out without needing to sit down with any deans or headmasters.

He attends a class where the students aren’t wearing uniforms, where he gets a few curious glances, but no lingering glares. He gives a note from the woman at the front desk to the teacher, and a few kids offer him greeting nods or smiles before the lecture begins.

The class is more than halfway done, and he’s been deeply engrossed in a discussion about The Giver- which he has never read, but now fully intends to- when all the observations he’s been making about this place click together.

The class ends, and he meets his chaperones back in the hall- where Superman is entertaining a group of ten year olds- to inform them of his realization.

“This isn’t a boarding school,” he says, once the rest of the kids have shuffled on to their next classes.

“No it is not,” Batman agrees.

Jason scowls.

“I stopped going to regular school for a reason,” he reminds them. “I can’t do this. As in literally can’t. I tried!” He’s trying not to sound upset, but it feels like they’re teasing him with this one.

“School’s a lot to manage without a stable living situation.” Batman says.

Jason huffs out a low agreement.

“So we were thinking…” He looks around, as if confirming the hall’s emptiness, before stepping into Jason’s line of sight. “We were thinking you could come and stay with us, and we could bring you to school here.”

Jason’s mind doesn’t process the offer fast enough for him to react immediately. Even once he’s sure of what he’s heard he thinks he must be misunderstanding. He looks up and at each of them try to draw clues from their expressions, their body language. It’s nearly impossible to do with Batman. Superman looks open, honest, and… hopeful. But that’s how he always looks, so does it really even mean anything?

Unable to make any useful interpretations, he asks the only question his mind has been able to form.

“What?”

“Would you like to come and live with us?” Superman says clearly.

Jason continues to stare for several seconds.

“Both of you?” He asks, because that’s interesting, and far easier to comprehend than the idea that someone might want him.

Batman clears his throat, and Superman-

-Superman blushes, which is enough to distract Jason from all the bizarre turns this day has taken.

“And, um, and our son,” he adds. “We have a son. He’s about five years older than you.”

The gears in Jason’s brain turn and click together.

“Robin,” he says quietly.

The vigilantes exchange uncertain looks, like they’ve been doing all day.

“Nightwing now,” Batman says, barely loud enough to be a whisper.

Jason just nods, because this is insane, and despite being born and raised in Gotham, he doesn’t always have a prepared response to insanity. A long moment passes, and all three of them stare at each other.

“Y- you want to foster me?” He says the words so so carefully, like he could chase the reality of them out of existence if he misspeaks, like he’s sure he hasn’t understood them properly.

“We do,” Superman says, quickly enough that the breath that had caught in Jason’s throat as soon as he’d gotten the question out can escape before it gets the chance to make him light headed. “We really do.”

Jason can’t imagine how this will work. He’s pretty sure it’s not a process that can be undergone with fake identities. Does that mean they’re willing to let him know who they are? Or maybe there’s some kind of exception for super heroes. He understands the procedure well enough to know that it’s bound to be a bureaucratic nightmare.

“Yeah,” he finds himself saying before he’s done thinking it through.

Today has been weird, and exhausting. But he likes this place. And he’s pretty sure he likes these people. And really, he would be crazy to say no, wouldn’t he.

“Let’s try it.”

#batfam #batfamily #superbat #bruce wayne #clark kent #jason todd #dc #my writing #batman #superman #batman and robin

51 notes · View notes

bloodfromthethorn · 4 years ago

Text

Broken Trust

Even now, hours later, he couldn’t shake the memory of Jack’s shoulder driving into his sternum, a too-tight grip on his bicep forcing him sideways as the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world physically moved through him rather than listen to what he had to say.

Tag to 2x02. Mac didn't walk away from his encounter with Jack as unscathed as he might wish to appear.

Also on AO3

Mac knew he was being stupid.

Yes, Jack threatening him with violence was no small matter and he was certainly justified in his surprise and betrayal, but he knew that he shouldn’t read any further into it. Jack had just been worried about Riley and hadn’t been thinking straight and in all likelihood, that was absolutely all it was. There was no deeper meaning, no hidden message. He shouldn’t be dwelling on it. He definitely shouldn’t be sitting on his deck at 3:30 in the morning contemplating all the times Jack had promised to have his back, to keep him safe, only to immediately turn on him when Mac put himself between his Overwatch and someone Jack cared about more.

It wasn’t like he didn’t get it: Jack had technically known Riley for far longer than he’d known Mac and he’d cared for her when she’d been a child – of course he was going to feel paternal. Mac had never been under any illusion that the relationship he had with Jack would outweigh that and he wouldn’t want it to, but he’d kind of thought that he still at least ranked somewhere near the top. Was that being presumptuous? A few days ago he wouldn’t have doubted it for a second, but now he couldn’t help but think maybe he’d been projecting his own feelings onto Jack and the reality of the situation was actually nothing like he’d thought it was.

But, then again, that was just a little overly dramatic, no? Jack had proven willing to go to the mat for Mac time and again, and this was the first time since their ill-fated meeting that the man had ever seemed willing to come to blows with him. They’d rib and tease each other, but he could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times there’d been true animosity between them. Mac’s quiet crisis of faith was surely nothing more than an overactive imagination and a history of being second choice to the people he loved.

And even if he wasn’t imagining anything, Jack had apologised for all of it – or at least he’d tried to. In the end, despite having waited to hear it, Mac had found that he just couldn’t stomach the thought of listening to Jack try to justify himself, to directly tell him that his loyalty to the woman who was basically his daughter was more important to him than his loyalty to Mac. Instead he’d shut down the apology before it could reach the light of day, brushing off Jack’s concern with a shrug and an easy smile. Better to let everyone think that it really was no big deal and was easily put behind them, no matter how far that might be from the truth. If Jack had had any notion of how badly Mac had been flying to pieces inside his own head, he hadn’t shown it.

So far as Mac could tell, everyone had mutually agreed that the whole thing had been a bizarre incident of heightened emotions with no deeper meaning and they could all quite happily sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. If only things were so simple for him.

It shouldn’t matter, he knew that. Jack had been going out of his mind with worry and Mac knew better than anyone how much he could overreact if someone he cared about was in trouble but at the same time… He’d put Mac in trouble. Mac wasn't in any doubt that if Riley hadn’t chosen that particular moment to convince Bedlam to trust her, he would be nursing a black eye – or worse – by now.

Worse still was that Bozer had also been in the unfortunate position of having to get between Jack and Riley that very same day and he’d managed to walk away entirely clean. Mac was unendingly grateful for that of course and he’d never wish any harm on his friend, but he couldn’t deny that it stung to know Jack wouldn’t raise a hand against Boze when he’d been perfectly happy to against Mac barely an hour earlier.

He ran a shaking hand through his hair for the hundredth time, huffing out a heavy breath as he battled to get his thoughts under control. This was normally what Jack was good at, helping him to get out of his own head and see the truth of things so he could work through the problem, but even if it hadn’t been the early hours, Mac wasn’t about to disturb him with this. Either he was wrong and being paranoid and there really wasn’t anything to worry about, or he was right and asking about it would mean having to hear one of his worst fears realised.

He wasn’t really up to confronting either outcome tonight.

Instead he was stuck out here, unable to sleep but too tied up in knots to try doing anything productive. The best he could manage was sitting beside the unlit firepit with a beer he hadn’t touched once. Letting himself go and getting drunk was distantly tempting, but work tomorrow was going to be tough enough as it was without throwing a hangover into the mix. Besides, if he did that, then people were going to ask questions and there really was no unembarrassing way of saying ‘I’ve been having a bit of a breakdown because a man I considered a brother nearly punched me in the face and I’m having to rethink a decade-long relationship.’

Mac’s usual approach to emotional problems had always been resorting to logic – with mixed results. It was all well and good to explain his childhood dog’s perpetual escape attempts as animal instinct rather than personal dislike, but it became a lot more complicated when he tried to pinpoint the reason a man would abandon his only son and never look back. Unfortunately, this problem looked like it was going to fall into the latter category.

The facts were thus: Jack loved Riley like a daughter; Riley had been in imminent, but not certain, danger; Mac had put himself between the two; Jack had chosen to disregard what Mac was saying in favour of physically moving him aside so he could reach Riley.

There was no logic in the world that could explain that away without demeaning Mac’s relationship with Jack in a way that was deeply hurtful.

It wasn’t a competition and even thinking of it in those terms left Mac swallowing down guilt and disgust at his own neediness. Jack cared loudly and widely; he was in possession of a heart so large, Mac was quite certain he could love a hundred people equally without breaking a sweat. It was no great stretch or challenge to accept that Jack was capable of loving both Riley and Mac, and that those two things had absolutely nothing to do with each other. There was nothing unreasonable about that.

So it wasn’t a competition, but if it had been then Mac had very definitely lost.

God, he needed to get it together. He was self-aware enough to realise that the only real path forward here was to forgive Jack the minor transgression and move on, accepting it for what it had been without trying to place any excess baggage onto it. If he really couldn’t manage that alone, Jack would no doubt be willing to offer the apology he’d tried to give earlier, should Mac reveal his concerns. Nothing anyone said or did would take back what had happened, and wishing otherwise was childish. He just needed to put it behind him.

Then again, that evidently wasn’t going to happen tonight.

He’d ended up out on the deck sometime around midnight, waiting sleeplessly in his bed until Bozer was well and truly unconscious before sneaking out, driven by a vague desire for air and a need to see the stars. He was only one for two on that – a heavy blanket of cloud had managed to erase the few bright night sparks that usually managed to make it past the light pollution – but that wasn’t such a bad score. At the very least, the still quiet made a nice contrasting balm to his inner turmoil.

The quiet didn’t last however – the hour hand on Mac’s watch had just started creeping past 4 when he heard the purr of a familiar engine pulling up outside and he breathed a long sigh. He had no idea what had drawn Jack there – he’d often joked about having a sixth sense when Mac was in trouble, but he couldn’t possibly have known about this – and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to find out. He toyed with the idea of slipping back into his bedroom before Jack had a chance to make it into the house, but he was sufficiently torn that he was still contemplating that course of action when he heard the door unlatch.

There were a few moments of quiet footsteps tracing through the house, first checking on the bedrooms and then, after presumably finding Mac’s empty, more hurried movement until the door to the deck squeaked open and Jack’s boots appeared in the corner of Mac’s vision. Exhausted and frankly too tired to even try to pretend otherwise, Mac didn’t look up.

“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly. His whole evening had felt fragile and a superstitious part of him he’d never been able to ditch warned that it was in danger of shattering if he didn’t speak softly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” was the equally gentle reply. “You?”

“It’s been a long few days.” The words sounded heavy, containing too much meaning. He took an unenthusiastic swig of beer to cover it. “There’s more in the fridge if you want one,” he added, shaking the bottle a little.

“Little early to start drinking, isn't it?”

“To be fair, it was late when I started.”

“…I think that might make it worse hoss.”

He snorted indelicately and took another pull. Now that he’d started drinking it, he found himself vaguely comforted by the familiar flavour. There wasn’t enough alcohol in it to do more than warm him, but the sensation wasn’t unwelcome.

Jack seemed to sigh, then his boots disappeared as he worked his way around behind Mac to sit beside him on the lip of the firepit. Now on the same level, Mac couldn’t avoid meeting his gaze. He looked as tired as Mac felt, so he said as much.

His Overwatch offered an unconvincing smile. “I’ll have you know that I look good no matter what,” he replied, but it was clear his heart wasn’t in it. “Truth be told, I feel like I’ve been kicked by a horse.”

That raised concern. “Are you getting ill? I think I’ve still got some of those antipyretics in the cupboard-”

He made a jerking motion to get to his feet, but Jack waved him back down before he could go anywhere. “Nah, it’s nothing man, don’t worry about it. It’s just like you said – been a long few days. Think I’m still working through it all.”

Mac felt his heart sink in his chest. Of all the conversations he didn’t want to have right that second. “I know how much you didn’t want Riley out there. I can’t imagine how stressful this has all been,” he said, aiming for compassionate and just barely hitting the mark. “I’m just glad it’s over.”

Jack, weirdly, looked sheepish. “You and me both kid, but that’s not exactly what I meant.”

There was a pause as Mac processed that and came up empty. “Oh?”

Despite the fact that whatever was going on in Jack’s head had been fierce enough to drive him all the way to Mac’s house in the middle of the night, he suddenly looked tremendously uncertain. One hand snaked up to rub at the back of his neck, dragging his head down so that he didn’t have to maintain eye contact. Mac half expected him to start shifting in his seat.

“Jack? What’s going on?”

He sighed gustily, apparently rooting around for his courage, and met Mac’s gaze again. “Look, I know you brushed it off before and I appreciate your understanding and all that but-” He hesitated ever so briefly, then the rest came pouring out of him like he couldn’t stop it. “Man, I was way out of line yesterday. Like so far past the line I couldn’t even see it any more. Yeah I was stressed about Riley and I ain’t ever going to be sorry for looking out for her, but that doesn’t change the fact that for a split second I was willing to go through you to do it. There’s nothing that could ever make that right and I need you to know how fucking sorry I am.”

He broke his gaze away again, bringing up his other hand to bury his face in his palms in pained desperation. Mac blinked at him in surprise, utterly stunned.

“And it’s stupid anyway because I know how much you care about Riley and me, and I know that you were trying to stop me to protect us both – I should have just seen-” He bit himself off, grumbled, pressed on more calmly: “I was so focused on my own inability to see what Riley could do that I lost sight of her, the mission, and you. It’s my job to keep you safe – that’s my only job – and I was so far out of my own head that I put you in danger because of my own stupidity. There is nothing about that that’s okay and even if you don’t need me to say it, I had to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m not expecting forgiveness because shit, I really messed it up this time, but for whatever it’s worth, I swear I’ll never do that again.”

Mac forced himself to swallow, desperately willing his exhausted brain to kick itself into gear and process everything Jack had just dumped on him. When he’d considered asking for an apology after all, this hadn’t been quite what he had in mind. In response to it, all he could manage was a sort of stunned silence.

Jack rubbed at his face one last time, then pulled himself upright again and forcefully met Mac’s eyes. He looked as though he was bracing for a hit, but he didn’t flinch. Mac, for his part, had absolutely no idea what he was possibly supposed to say.

A part of him desperately wanted to grasp the lifeline he was being offered, accept the explanation as the reassurance it was evidently meant to be, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. After a lifetime of those he cared about proving that Mac was a very easy person to leave, some self-preservation instinct was finally picking up its head and warning him not to trust so blindly. A few days ago he had been utterly certain that Jack would never willingly hurt him – now, he knew what it was to hear his Overwatch’s voice dip low and threatening, warning him that if he didn’t step aside, he was going to get hurt. He knew what it was to go cold at the humiliation he’d felt when faced with a thoroughly dismissive, ‘Boy, get out of my face.’ He knew what it was to have Jack look at him and see nothing but an obstacle in his way.

Hours too late and in the worst possible moment, Mac suddenly realised that the anger he’d been quietly cultivating wasn’t really anger at all.

As he always seemingly managed to do, Jack chose that same moment to pick up on the fact that something had gone wrong with his partner, because his earnestness immediately dropped away behind guilty concern. He hesitated for several heartbeats, absorbing whatever was going on in Mac’s expression, then tilted his head consideringly. “When you stopped me apologising earlier,” he said very slowly, “You didn’t mean it when you said it was fine, did you?”

Mac forced himself to shrug, trying to shake looseness into limbs that had frozen in place. “Like I said, Riley’s lucky to have you. You were just watching out for her.”

“Yeah, and throwing you under the bus in the process. God, I almost- I could have hurt you Mac.”

Now was probably a very bad time to reveal that he had hurt him. At least the bruises were in places easy to hide.

“You didn’t,” he lied instead, running his eyes over the skyline rather than let Jack see the mistruth in them. “I appreciate the apology, I really do, but I understand. Riley’s family, Jack, of course you’re going to do everything you can to defend her.”

Jack let out a humourless snort. “You say that like you’re not every bit as much my family as she is.”

There was a sudden, telling silence. Jack blinked. Mac’s gaze stayed fixed on the horizon.

“You- You do know that… right?” Jack said haltingly, his voice so quiet as to be almost unheard even in the silence. When there was no immediate response, it turned more forceful. “Mac, tell me you know that.”

He swallowed hard. In the face of such honest concern, Mac couldn’t bring himself to lie or to brush it off, but at the same time he had no idea how to explain the tangle of thorns in his head without sounding as stupid as he was afraid he was being.

“Jack,” he started carefully, weighing up the words as he went, “We’ve been partners for years now. I know how important that is and I’m grateful for it every day, but… But you knew Riley when she was just a kid.” He twitched his hands in a vague attempt at encompassing the sheer scale of their relationship. “I get that things have been kind of weird between the two of you, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s basically your daughter. I should never have tried to get in the middle of that.”

“If you hadn’t gotten in the middle of it, I would have gotten her killed,” Jack shot back immediately. “You did everything right Mac. I’m the one who fucked up here.”

There wasn’t a lot Mac could really say to that since it was technically accurate, but he was spared the effort by Jack refusing to take the bait of his deflection.

“And besides,” he continued firmly, “That’s not even slightly the point here. You- You really don’t think that I see you as family?”

Goddamn it he sounded hurt and that was so not what Mac had been going for. He sucked in a breath and cursed himself when it shook. “That’s not- That wasn’t what I was trying to say,” he managed lamely, wanting to reassure but deeply unwilling to make any presumptions. That was precisely what had gotten him into this mess.

Jack’s eyes were dark and sad and knowing. Mac could scarcely stand to look at them. “Maybe not, but it’s what you’re thinking, right? You’ve got it in your head that everything that happened was because Riley’s more important to me than you?”

Hearing the words said aloud in such a level, careful tone sent a rush of blazing shame right through him. It sounded so pathetic when put so simply. This time the anger that burned hot on its heels was genuine, though aimed more at himself than anyone else. He shook his head sharply as though to rid himself of the feeling but he still couldn’t quite meet Jack’s eyes when he said, “No. I know it doesn’t work like that. I’m not some kid in need of coddling Jack. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“You’re tired because you’re sitting on your deck at four in the morning instead of sleeping, and I’ve known you long enough to know that happens when you can’t get something out of your head. So, if I’m wrong, what is it? Because it has been a shitty few days but somehow I get the feeling this isn’t about a missing EMP or you having to figure us a way out of a crashing plane with no chutes.” His expression was complicated; some combination of worried and open, like he was pleading with Mac to just speak with him. “C’mon Mac. Talk to me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

Mac shook his head slowly, too many thoughts crowding in at once to make sense of anything. “Jack-”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. Mac-” Jack bit off whatever he was about to say in frustration, shaking himself. “God I really fucked up. Should’ve known you’d come to the worst possible conclusion. Never did know your own worth.” He ran a tired hand over his face, then drew himself upright and faced Mac head on, a rare seriousness shining in his eyes. “Okay, this is something I clearly should be saying more often since you still don’t seem to believe it but, you’re my brother Mac. You’re every bit as much my family as Ri is and I know that I made you doubt that, but it never for one second stopped being true. You hear me? I’m so sorry for what I did outside that warehouse – you didn’t deserve it one bit and I should never have done it. But it didn’t mean what you’re thinking it did.”

“I’m not thinking anything Jack,” he said quietly, even while his brain raced away from him. He wanted so, so badly to believe what he was hearing and Jack had sworn long ago to always be honest with him. To Mac’s knowledge he’d never once broken that promise…

But it was also exactly what Mac wanted to hear. Of course he was going to be inclined to believe it.

“That’s never once been true and you know it,” Jack shot back, not losing an ounce of his seriousness.

Mac didn’t rise to the implied joke. A sudden swell of frustration at Jack’s presumption climbed his throat and he was scoffing before he could help himself. “Tell me then,” he said sharply. “What exactly is it I’m thinking?”

Jack flinched lightly at the acid in his tone, but he held Mac’s gaze steadily like he was prepared to take any blow he threw his way. “I’ve never tried to pretend I can follow everything that goes through your head hoss. I don’t have near the IQ for that. But I think even you’d agree that I’ve gotten pretty good at following you.”

Mac’s face tried to twitch into a scowl but he forced it down with a will of iron.

His partner continued without interruption. “Now maybe I’m overstepping here, but I’m gonna bet that right now you’re feeling angry and hurt because you trusted me and I let you down. I let you down real bad.” There, he did hesitate very slightly, before deciding to voice what they both already knew. “I know I’m not the first person to do that, not by a long shot. You’ve had to deal with all kinds of shit you never deserved, but betrayal isn’t something anyone gets used to.”

Burgeoning anger aside, that felt like a step too far. Mac shook his head sharply. “You didn’t betray anyone-”

“Yes, I did,” he cut in firmly. “I betrayed your trust. I promised to protect you, but I got so caught up in my own bullshit hang-ups that I broke that promise. You’ve got every reason to be pissed as all hell about that Mac, don’t let anyone tell you you don’t.”

“You were just trying to help Riley,” Mac said again, sounding weak to his own ears. Everything Jack was saying was everything he’d thought he’d needed to hear, but now that it was all laid out so plainly before him, the only sensation he could summon was bittersweet resignation. Jack wasn’t wrong - he felt betrayed.

“Yeah, maybe. That’s not an excuse.”

There was a long, still pause. “No,” he finally admitted quietly. “It isn’t.”

The corners of Jack’s eyes were damp when he nodded, accepting and agreeing with that in equal measure. He looked crushed. “And you deserve every apology I can give you for that. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to take a swing at me.”

Mac shot him a dark look, irritated by the joke, but he found only seriousness in Jack’s face; he’d meant it. “I’m not going to hit you,” he said, offended at the implication.

“I know you won’t,” Jack soothed carefully. “I’m just trying to say - very badly - that I do know how badly I’ve fucked this up. I broke a promise to you that I swore my life on and you know I don’t take that sort of thing lightly. I can’t ever explain how sorry I am for it, but I can spend every moment you let me trying to make up for it.”

They let that sit between them for a long few minutes. Mac felt torn; even with the anger and hurt and fucking devastation rocking around in his chest he could admit that Jack was saying everything right. The real question then was whether or not Mac could trust it when Jack had already blindsided him once.

His Overwatch’s smile was bleak and pained. “I can see that brain of yours whirring away,” he said at length. “Trying to work out if I’m telling the truth, huh?”

As he said it, his façade crumbled ever so slightly and for just a moment, he looked deeply, unbearably sad. Like he knew he’d earned every inch of that mistrust and was regretting it with every fibre of his being. In all their time together, Mac had seen Jack wear that expression exactly once: a thousand years ago in an Italian hospital room as he told a barely conscious Mac that Nikki hadn’t made it. The context might have been different, but those eyes- their grief was the same.

That- that Mac could believe. No one who looked like Jack did in that moment could be insincere. Jack was a hell of a good liar when he needed to be – requirement of the job, really – but the raw, honest heartbreak in that expression was not something even he could fake. For the first time since Jack walked towards him with violence in his eyes, Mac found that he could trust this, if nothing else.

No matter what had happened between them, how readily Jack had been willing to throw away every promise he’d ever made to Mac, he could see the evidence of his regret right in front of him. It didn’t undo what he’d done, not by a long shot, but it was… something.

Something important.

Maybe something so important it was really the only thing that actually mattered.

There was no amount of words that could entirely mend the hurt that Jack had wrought that day, but perhaps they were enough to start the process. Jack was right here, swearing to do better, and despite a lifetime of reasons not to trust an offer like that, Mac couldn’t help but hear the ring of truth. For now, perhaps that had to be enough. Healing always came with time and with Jack willing to make amends, Mac had a feeling that they’d get there together in the end.

He sucked in a hard breath, and finally, finally forced himself to let his anger and hurt go. They would do nothing for him now.

“I believe you,” he said, and meant it. He caught Jack’s eye. “And I accept your apology. My own messed up head aside, I do know that you were only trying to protect Riley.”

“Hey now, your head’s doing just fine. I’m the one tying it up in knots, even when I should know better. You’ve been given plenty of reason to think the worst of people in your life Mac. That it’s not your first response is- well. Incredible, I guess. I don’t blame you a bit for not trusting me after… Everything.”

Mac’s eyes dropped to the floor again, feeling oddly self-conscious about how easily Jack was able to see through him. It was always easy to forget how little time they had really known each other when Jack could look at him and immediately see the heart of whatever was bothering him. Bozer might have known him for longer, but Jack had still been the one who got to see the darker sides of him born in desert heat and sandy plains. That was exactly why this whole mess had hurt as much as it had.

“I always trust you Jack,” he said honestly. “You caught me off guard, but nothing is about to change that.”

Jack blinked hard, swallowing as he processed that. “After everything that happened this week, I know that I don’t deserve that but you don’t know how good that is to hear, man.” He rubbed at his face, pulling his emotions back in line. “And just so you know, while I appreciate you accepting my apology and all, I know I’m nowhere near done earning your forgiveness. What I did was-”

His eyes suddenly turned distant, and whatever strength had bled back into his frame drained in a rush. He looked… fragile.

“Jack, you don’t need to earn anything,” Mac said, suddenly feeling vaguely guilty for taking it all so badly while at the same time desperately trying to throttle that sensation. He wanted to forgive Jack – already had, if he was honest with himself – but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been right to be upset in the first place. “I’m glad you apologised, no matter what I told you before. That’s all I needed.” He shrugged self-deprecatingly. “Well, that and for you to talk some sense into me, maybe.”

“That’s my job, remember?” Jack said with a shrug of his own. “Keeping your head on straight is half the battle.” He winced in the same instant as he said it, apparently realising the irony in him being the one to throw Mac off this time. He visibly forced himself to straighten out, trying to accept the truth of Mac’s forgiveness. “Well, lesson learned, I guess. Just wish I didn’t do it by hurting you.”

Mac snorted softly, even though his heart wasn’t really it in. “I’m tougher than I look.”

“That is one hundred percent true,” Jack agreed without hesitation, “But it doesn’t change the fact that I was a dick and you caught the worst of it. Which would be bad enough at the best of times, but in this case you were only doing what you could to protect me and Riley, which is like, I don’t know, a double dick move on my part?” He broke off momentarily with a frown as if trying to work out the maths of that specific scenario, then shook himself like a dog shaking off water. “Whatever, the point is-” A pause. “What was my point again?”

Despite himself, Mac snickered. “I think it was something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry I was an ass, I won’t do it again’. That about sum it up?”

Jack grinned in that knowing way he did when he’d succeeded in pulling Mac out of his own head without him realising. “Couldn’t have put it better myself.” He sobered, catching Mac’s gaze. “And I mean it. I’m not ever going to take a swing at you man, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you never have to feel like I might again.”

Mac’s first instinct was to brush the reassurance off once more, remind Jack that he already had his trust, but he caught himself before he could. He was determined not to punish himself for reacting badly to something he had every reason to react badly to, and besides, it seemed like Jack needed to say it just as much as Mac needed to hear it. After everything that had happened that day, it felt good to hear that promise put into words. “Thank you,” he said at length, letting truth settle into his tone.

He went to say more, but the words were lost as a jaw-cracking yawn forced its way up his throat. Jack chuckled quietly at him.

“Yeah, I feel that,” he said, dispensing with his heavy tone for something lighter, something healing. “Think it might be past time we got you to bed, man. You look knackered.”

“I am,” he admitted. There was very little point pretending otherwise; he knew what he looked like. “You’ve got to be exhausted too.”

Jack shrugged easily. “Yeah, but I’ll get out of your hair. I knew you weren’t exactly expecting visitors when I decided to turn up unannounced at four in the morning.”

“That’s literally never stopped you,” he said, rolling his eyes. Truthfully, he was glad Jack had shown up when he did - it was only thanks to it that he thought he might actually be able to get some honest to god sleep before he had to show up at work tomorrow- or, well, later today. “You’re not driving home this late. Just sleep here.”

“I didn’t exactly bring a go-bag with me.”

“Unless you’ve changed dramatically in size in the last two months, I’m pretty sure the clothes you left in my dresser are still going to fit you.”

Jack looked like he was bending, wanting to give in to the comfort readily being offered, but something dark and wary in his eyes was holding him back. That line of guilt that ran rigid along the back of his shoulders had eased slightly during the course of their conversation, but it still lingered on even now. Mac had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t going to lose it for a long time.

“I don’t want to impose,” he said after a strained moment of silence. His gaze dropped to his lap. “I think I’ve disturbed your sleep enough tonight to last a lifetime, bud.”

“In case it wasn’t abundantly obvious, you weren’t disturbing anything.”

“Just ‘cause I wasn’t here, doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.”

Mac couldn’t help but roll his eyes again. “C’mon man, it’s done. We’re all good, remember? But if you keep arguing about driving home at four AM when you look like you’re going to fall asleep at the wheel, then you are going to keep me up when I would much rather be sleeping. Matty’s already going to be mad as it is; we don’t need to pile sleep deprivation on top.”

His Overwatched hissed, pulling on a peeved frown. “You’re too sneaky for your own good, you know that?”

Mac released what felt like his first genuine laugh in days and drained the rest of his beer, easing himself carefully to his feet. “Someone might have mentioned it in the past. Come on, big guy. I’m not carrying you inside if you pass out here.”

“You could just wake me up.”

“And give up the opportunity to listen to you griping about that bad back you pretend you don’t have? Ooh, that’s a tough call.”

“You’re an ass.”

Mac’s laugh chased them into the darkened house.

#macgyver #macgyver fanfiction #fanfic #my fanfic #fanfiction #angus macgyver #jack dalton #s02e02 muscle car + paperclip #muscle car + paperclip

12 notes · View notes

elysiashelby · 4 years ago

Text

In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 11

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 8,081

WARNINGS: Angst, Alcohol Consumption, Cursing, Brief Mention of Intimate Situations (smut HINTED, like joke about), Sexual Harassment

Summary: It’s a few weeks after the season 1 finale, Aliena finds herself lost within the family dynamic and her place in the their world. She’s no longer a nanny to John’s kids, Finn is rebelling against school work, and she finds herself done with her cleaning- fairly quickly. How will she deal with this restlessness? How will she cope in a world that’s not her own?

MASTERLIST CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 12

A/N: This chapter doesn’t have a lot of Tommy in it. This is the beginning of Aliena’s detachment from the Shelby Family. Thomas will be mentioned frequently, but he most likely have the bare minimum of involvement.

It’s been abar two weeks since Tom killed Billy Kimber. Everything is...different. I can’t put it into words. Me place within the family is undefined. Since John’s married, I’m no longer needed to take care of the kids. Now, I knew this but he and Esme made it official.

I wasn’t to be ‘round unless they called.

I understood. I mean Esme is a new wife and they are in their honeymoon stage. Going at it like rabbits. I felt bad for the kids. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I only see them when they come ‘round the house.

Luckily, they are warming up to Esme. There wasn’t any bad blood in the first place, but— you just never know when a new wife comes into the picture.

I was still teaching Finn, but since I didn’t have any other students, I was really grilling into him. He’s beginning to hate school even more. It’s just that I practically have nothing to do!

I don’t have to clean two places anymore. I just clean the main house and I kept on top of me tasks all the time, so that means I practically don’t have anything to do! That’s where Finn comes in. I assigned him more homework and reading, but he doesn’t want anything to do with it.

Especially after doing Kimber over, the boy idolizes Tom too much.

So, here I am at me special place just relaxing. Letting the wind go through me hair was always welcomed. I was just swinging and adamantly trying not to think. I took in me surroundings. But, that soon came to an end when I started to get nauseous.

I put me feet down and stopped. I didn’t get up, though. I just sat there, silently. I reach down and started running me hands through the tips of the grass. I sang to meself “I just want to be the one you love.” I sang ‘til even that gave me a headache.

I sighed and stopped singing. I sat up straight and hopped off the swing. I took two steps back and just appreciated the nice breeze. I tucked a piece of hair that was in me face and started walking back home.

It didn’t feel nice walking by meself for so long. I mean it was nice at first, but then I started getting paranoid. Worried that I would just get pinched off the side of the road. Only when me feet hit the familiar cobblestone, did I feel safe.

Safe under the Peaky Blinders’ protection. What if I’m no longer needed? Do they just give me money and send me on me way? Do I just go and mooch off of Cassie? I mean, technically, didn’t they have that right?

I stopped walking and took the time to massage me temples.

“Are you all right, love?” asked a concerned woman.

I picked up me head and put on a smile. It was fake, of course, but polite. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

We exchanged smiles and nods and I went on me way. The second I wasn’t facing her, me smile fell. I was starting to feel lethargic again. That was also a bad sign.

By the time I reached the front door, I was feeling a lot of things at once. I was annoyed, tired, hungry, and lost. I sighed again while opening the door. It was probably abar six in the evening. I took the pins out of me hat and hung it up. Then, I had to put those same pins in me mouth as I took off me coat. I hung that up as well.

I took those pins from me mouth and placed them in a pocket in me skirt. I dusted off me hands and walked into the kitchen. I was gonna start making dinner. Decided shepherd's pie would do everyone some good.

As I was cooking Arthur came in. How did I know it was him, you ask? He brings along the stench of sweat and booze, of course.

“Whatcha cookin’ there, Ali?” Arthur asked before he took a seat down at the table. He took off his cap and smooth down his hair.

I smiled. “I’m cooking some shepherd’s pie.”

“Ah, thank fuck! When’s it gonna be ready?”

I shrugged. “Not long now. Are you gonna stay or do I need to hound you down like the rest of your family?”

He sniffed. “Nah, I’ll be in me office.” The chair scraped against the floor as he got up, and then he left the room.

I turned back ‘round and grumbled to meself, “So, I’m chasing ya down like the rest of them.” I took a step back and leaned on the table. I rubbed me forehead and exhaled audibly. Eventually, I sat down ‘til the scran was ready.

I got three plates, put two forks in me pocket, and cut out three slices for the family members I knew where in the shop. I took only two, though. Using me bum, I opened the doors to the shop and heard the bustling of men.

Not men looking to lay bets, but employees shifting to count up bets and such. I walked past them all. Esme was sitting at a desk as was Polly. I walked up to Polly.

“Dinner, Pol.” I said, rather monotone.

She looked up at me ‘n smiled. “Thank you, love. Leave it there.”

I nodded and set it down at the edge of her desk. As I took a fork out of me pocket, I asked. “Happen to know where Tommy is?” I set it on the plate.

She picked up her head again, but was gazing somewhere else in thought. Her finger pressed against her lip. “I think he’s doing some business. Talking up plans with the architect that’s designing the company headquarters. Better leave him a slice for him to get on his own. Don’t go chasing him at this time of night.”

I nodded and walked over to Arthur’s office while placing a fork on his plate. I knocked and he told me to come in.

“Here ya are!” I said as I placed his food beside him.

He made some breathy noise of excitement before saying, “About damn time. I was about to chew me arm and leg off. Thanks, Ali.”

A quick smile flashed on me face and I said, “Your welcome” before leaving. It turns out I had another slice to cut. So, I served John and Esme some dinner. Finn was out and abar. Polly said to just let him be. That he was being a child, so I just ate by meself at the kitchen table.

While I was eating, the phone was ringing off the hook. I rushed to it and answered.

“Hello, this is 6 Watery Lane?”

“A call from suite 226 at the Ritz Hotel. A Ms. Cassiopeia Johnson for Ms. Aliena Welsh. Do you accept?”

“Yes, I accept.”

“Connecting you now.”

I sighed and twirled me finger ‘round to wire.

“Ali! Are you free tonight?” Cassie shouted through the phone.

I clutched me forehead. “Yeah and every other night. Why?”

“Feel like going to a party?”

Me eyes widened and anxiety shot through me body. I looked ‘round as if I was going to get in trouble for ‘aving this conversation.

“I- uh. I’m not sure, Cass.”

She groaned exaggeratedly. “Come on, Aliena. You said it yourself, you have nights off now. So, let’s go to a party.”

I scoffed. “What kind of party?”

“Don’t worry! It’s casual. The girls and I are going down to the London clubs, and we wanted you to come. So, don’t wear any of those extravagant dresses Angie bought you. Wear something you can sweat in.”

I rolled me eyes while wearing a smirk. “Cass, you and me have different definitions of clothes we can sweat in, but yeah— I get your meaning. Okay, let me just make sure, okay? Stay on the phone.”

“Okay, hurry up.”

I left the phone off the hook and sped walked back into the shop. I walked up to Polly.

“Hey, Polly. Is it alright if I go out?”

Her head snapped up and her face contorted in confusion. “Go out? With who?”

“Me friends. Cassie, Angie, Tina. I’ve told ya abar them before.”

Her eyes darted from side to side then she nodded. “All right. Before careful, love, all right. Don’t be out too late. You get into any trouble call Tommy or the house. Be safe.” She stood up, smooth me hair down, and kissed me cheek.

I couldn’t help the grin on me face as I thanked her and ran back to the phone.

“She said yes! I’m gonna go get ready.”

Cassie squealed into the phone. “Yay! We are going to have so much fun!”

I hung up the phone and raced into me room. I slammed the door behind me and threw open me closet. I took out any “party” dresses that I had hung up.

I wanted to look absolutely breathtaking.

Between abar five different dresses, I decided on a navy blue dress. Your typical 1920’s design.

I quickly threw off me previous clothes and even me undergarments. I went to me drawers and found black stockings and a garter belt to match. I had to go through a different drawer to get a black bra. When I finished putting those on, I scrambled to stand in front of me mirror.

I had to back up a lot to see me whole body in it. I stared for a while. Looking for imperfections. I turned to me side and pinched me stomach. I had a little bump, but I didn’t find meself demeaning meself as usual. I felt...sexy.

I squealed at meself and bent over into meself. Me hair flying as I did so. After I had me little moment, I stood back up, me hair flipping back, and kept me hand over me mouth. I dropped it and went to put on the dress.

Once I had it on, I sat at me desk in front of me mirror and began to do me makeup. I went more for a blue smokey eye to match me dress. I didn’t add any contour or blush, but I added highlight and a pink nude lip. I blew meself a kiss and got up. I walked back to me closet and bent down to open the drawer at the bottom.

I picked out me black purse. I opened its doors and took out me four-inch black heels. I put them on and hiked the purse up me shoulder. Then, I was stuck waiting for Cassie’s honk.

As I waited, I kept brushing out me hair. I knew I would look like the odd women out with hair as long as mine, but I didn’t care. I liked how I looked. With me finger, I touched up me lipstick slightly when I heard that infamous honking.

A shit-eating grin spread across me face and I raced out the door. When I made it out the door, Cassie was standing there waiting for me.

We shrieked when we saw each other and ran into each other’s arms. We laughed as we swayed each other.

“Oooh, I’m so glad you decided to come.” Cassie sighed and pushed me back a little while maintaining our hug. “Look at you! Oh, Angie, Tina! Look at our baby. All grown up.”

She used me shoulders to guide me in front of the car. Angie clapped before bringing her hands over her mouth. Tina was just all smiles.

I was so hyped up that I couldn’t stop the ugly smile on me face. While fanning meself, I begged. “Guys, stop! Let’s just get this show on the road!”

I climbed into the car and Cassie followed suit.

Their hands were all over trying to inspect all of me outfit. I fought off their hands, eventually.

“Okay, okay, enough! Which club are we going to?”

Cassie looked at Angie as did Tina. Angie made eye contact with the both of them before she bugged out her eyes.

“What?” She shouted then sighed, defeatedly. “I mean, we can start with the one we frequent the most. It’s real nice there. Shiny.” Angie said that last part in a childish voice while looking at me.

I glared at her before grumbling, “Shut it.”

I may have disclosed me affliction for shiny things.

The rest of the ride was filled with mindless chatter. Just catching up with what has happened in our lives.

Tina shuffled over to me eventually and took me hand in hers. She was playing with me nails.

“How are things with you and Thomas?” She asked me softly. Her eyes flicked up to mine before looking back at me nails.

I hummed while sighing deeply. “Well, we’re not the same. He’s just so much busier now. It’s a win in itself that we’re not at odds with each other, but I wish it was like before Grace. We were so close. Well, I was closer to him than he was with any of his family members.” I leaned closer to her ear and whispered. “We slept in the same bed for Christ’s sake.”

She gasped while looking into me eyes, horrified.

I knew she wasn’t gonna take it well. I gave her a sheepish smile. “It was nothing indecent. I swear! Thomas has trouble sleeping because of the war. I put him to sleep while talking to him and sometimes he would talk to me too.” I looked off thinking abar all the moments we shared.

Tina said nothing for a while ‘til she asked. “So, are you two in a good place or not?”

I rolled me eyes. “If you’re looking for a direct answer then, yes. Yes, we’re in a good place.”

Her cheeks turned red and she gave me a sheepish smile. I softly scoffed.

The car stopped and we all hopped off. I followed them as they walked into the club. The doormen greeted them and opened the door for us.

Angie clapped her hands and turned toward me. “What are you drinking?” She asked me.

I shrugged me shoulders. “I’ll drink whatever youse drink.”

She rolled her eyes before she turned back ‘round and toward the bar. I mocked her expression as she walked away. Cassie linked me arms with hers and began to lead me to a table.

We sat down and I set down me purse. Cassie did the same, but dug through her purse for a ciggie. She propositioned me for one and I took one.

“Wow! Look at you!” Cassie said with her jaw dropped, a smile fighting for its place. “Just going all out tonight, are you?” She then cackled to herself.

I giggled at her as I held the stick between me teeth. I fished through me purse and found me lighter. I’m not familiar with the types of lighters, but if I had to describe this one— it would be a lift arm. I think it was anyway. There was a time where I did research types of lighters for a story, but I wasn’t expecting to remember on the fly.

Oh, how I miss the internet!

I flicked the wheel and inhaled. I pushed the arm back down, snuffing out the flame then tossed it on the table. I took the ciggie from me lips and let out the smoke.

“So,” I began to ask. “What do you guys usually do?” I looked ‘round saw people dancing, talking. The room was super loud. I was, in a way, used to it, but it hurt me ears at the same time.

The dances were so old, to me. They danced like animals, but I saw a couple of tangos. Some were doing the Charleston.

I would never experience modern clubs. Grinding against strangers and jumping like nobody was watching. Loud music pumping through speakers. Hell, club music! Electronic music, or for Christ’s sake— music with words! I would never get to listen to the music that got me blood pumping and made me feel like the most attractive woman in the room.

Cassie chuckled before she puffed out a cloud of smoke. “Well, first, we have a drink or two. To take off the edge, then we dance.”

I looked over at Tina who nodded and smiled. I scoffed playfully before blowing raspberries. Angie came over, a bottle and drinks in hand, and a ciggie hanging off her lips. Tina shot up from her seat and rushed to help her.

Cassie and I sneak a glance at each other. Though, in all honesty, the interaction was innocent. They distributed the drinks and I instantly went to drink when me hand was smack.

Angie had her eyebrows furrowed at me in a glare. I looked back at her confused.

“Let’s make a toast.” She announced over the blaring jazz music. “A toast for Aliena’s first outing!”

Everyone made mischievous smiles at me, I returned it with a mocking one as I tilted me head from side to side.

Cassie giggled. “May she drunkenly hook up with a stranger and forget all about Mr. Thomas Shelby.”

While I didn’t want Cassie’s toast to come true, exactly, I still clinked glasses with the lot of them. We, collectively, tipped our heads back and downed our glasses.

I groaned at the taste as did Tina. Angie and Cassie both whooped in excitement.

“More! More!” Cassie chanted as she grabbed the bottle and starting pouring us another round.

I took another puff of me ciggie. I could see I didn’t have many left. Left it burning for too long. I shrugged me shoulders as I took another inhale. I could always bum one off of them.

Two more glasses later, I was dragged to the dance floor by Cassie. I tried begging her to let me go, but she wouldn’t. I tried telling her that all I knew how to do was sway, but she said that she would teach me.

And, boy, did she try!

I swear I was getting it all wrong, but she was swearing that I was doing great.

Our hands were entwined and I shouted. “I’m not doing it right, Cassie!”

She shook her head as she brought me in so close that our lips were practically touching. “You’re dancing better than me. Stop thinking about it, Ali. Let yourself go.”

I wanted to. I really wanted to, but how could I lose meself to jazz music! How was I supposed to lose meself to jazz music?

I cringed. I literally cringed. I took a deep breath and cradled me forehead. “Cass,” I shouted. “Let’s get a drink, yeah?”

She pouted and her face contorted in frustration, but she followed me back to the table nonetheless. At said table, was Angie and Tina along with two new gentlemen friends. Angie looked like she was having a good time while Tina— not so much.

Angie noticed us first. “You guys are back already?” She asked.

Cassie nodded. “Yeah. Aliena wanted another drink.” Her tone, somewhat snappy.

I resisted the urge to roll me eyes as I grabbed the bottle and poured meself a glass.

I heard one of the men clear their throat. Angie sighed before announcing their presence. I gave them each a polite smile and nodded. I didn’t acknowledge them. They weren’t me type anyhow.

I tipped back abar two more drinks before I tapped Cassie’s shoulder and nodded back to the dance floor. Her face lit up in glee as she took me head and we ran to the dance floor.

I felt the booze lower me inhibitions. I listened to her words and let meself go. I was in a mix between the music in me head and the music that thundered in the club. I was in a mix between the dances Cassie taught me and the dances I knew from back home.

I ran me fingers through me hair and kept them as I swayed me waist. I let me hands roam me body as I did a body roll. I swayed me hips from side to side. I let me eyes flutter close and I embraced the music in me head.

I only stopped when I felt someone’s hand creep on me shoulder. I twirled ‘round to face the man who dared lay a hand on me.

He smirked and shouted. “Mind, if I joined you?”

I looked at him up and down then scoffed. “Fuck off!”

His eyes widened and he left. I watched him leave. I walked closer to Cassie and pulled her to me. She giggled and then I turned ‘round. I grabbed her hands and made them roam me body as I grinded into her.

Eventually, she got into the groove of it.

“Men are looking at us.” She whispered in me ear.

I smirked and reopened me eyes. I titled me head back and whispered into her ear. “Let them.”

We danced for a little while more. I could see and feel all of these eyes on us. I felt so ethereal yet scared at the same time. All it took was one macho man. One macho man to try and demand that either us are entitled to give him a dance.

So, with thought like that plaguing me mind— I stopped dancing and pulled Cassie back to the table.

I hadn’t even noticed that women were glaring at us as well ‘til we were walking back to our table.

We sat down while panting. I felt so hot. Angie chuckled at the sight of us.

“Where’s tweedle dee and dum?” I asked as I pinched a ciggie from one of their cases.

Angie scoffed. “Hopefully somewhere else. Fucking pricks!”

I inhaled as I lit it up. I knocked down the arm as I asked. “The fuck happened?”

Angie’s eyes darted to Tina’s, who was looking down at the table.

Tina sat up straighter and I could see her gulp. Her eyes kept shifting to me from the table. “The bastard put his hand up me dress.”

I felt rage surge me. I held me ciggie between two fingers as I shot up. Me hands slammed on the table. “Where’s the fucking bastard? I fuckin’ kill ‘em.”

Angie scoffed. “Calm down, Aliena. Already embarrassed them as much as I could.”

I looked over at Angie and gave her a satisfied smile. If it was Angie, then yeah— she made them wish they’d never been born.

Cassie stroked Tina’s arm before saying, “How about you and Angie go and have your turn on the dance floor. Ali and I will hold down the fort.”

Angie looked at Tina who just nodded. They got up from their chairs and walked onto the dance floor. I exhaled smoke through me nose and looked over at Cassie.

She smiled at me. “What was that? On the floor.”

I smirked. “I let myself go.”

She giggled while tipping her head back. “Now, if Mr. Thomas Shelby knew you could dance like that. I bet he would be the one on his knees for ya. Not the other way around.”

I chortled at that. The bad thing that once she said it, I could imagine it. I could see Thomas Shelby on all fours for me as I sat in his chair at his future office with me legs wide open. But the thing is, I didn’t want to be the one in control. It’s just a personal preference.

Cassie slid a glass to me and I happily took a drink. I tsked after.

Cassie was staring at me with this questionable look in eyes.

“What?” I asked with a giggle.

She squinted before sighing. “Why won’t you make the first move? You’re about to turn 18 and that woman isn’t in the picture anymore. Why not just,” She began to flail her hands ‘round herself. “Make the first move!”

I glanced away as I thought abar how to answer her. I sat up straighter and rested me back against the chair. “I won’t ever make the first move because I’m afraid of rejection. I’ve been rejected by all the males in my life that I have asked out. In my mind, I can’t convince myself that he will be different. Why? Because I’m shielding myself from feeling that embarrassment and sadness that would come from a rejection.

Plus, like you said. Grace isn’t in the picture anymore, but that was like two weeks ago, Cassie! If he accepted me right now, I wouldn’t be able to perceive that other than him using me to be his rebound.”

I took the ciggie from me lips and titled me head back as I exhaled. Then, I picked up me glass and downed it.

Cassie tapped the table with her fingernail before sighing and looking away. I started bobbing me head to enjoy meself. Cassie’s face contorted into something devilish. I squinted me eyes in suspicion.

“What’re you looking at?” I turned ‘round and saw two men sitting at the bar. Me eyes widened and I just zipped back ‘round. I shook me head. “You better not even-!”

It was too late as I saw the shit-eating grin on her face as she looked at me. I blew raspberries while rolling me eyes.

His name was Christian and he was an accountant. He was attractive, for sure. But, we weren’t hitting it off like that. I pretended to be engaged, but anything he was saying was going in one ear and out the other.

I nursed me bevvy as I dragged me fingertip along the rim of the glass. When I picked up me head ‘n saw Angie and Tina walking back with more than a pep in their step, I swear I thanked God.

“Hey!” I shouted while effectively cutting off the dude. “How was it? Your feets aching yet?”

Angie scoffed before her tipped toward Christian. She stared at him even harder while arching her neck forward. “Can you get up? You see women coming back from the dance floor and you don’t give your seat up! What kind of man are you?”

I looked away as I slapped me hand over me mouth. The guy stuttered and scrambled out of the chair. Angie just held up her hand and began collecting her stuff.

“I, for one, am tired of this place. Let’s go, girls.” Angie announced.

‘Say less.’ I thought.

I already had me stuff in me purse, so I got up and shuffled toward Tina. I stroked her arm and asked. “Are you alright, hun?”

She nodded while hiking up her purse on her shoulder. “Just want to get out of here. Too many eyes.”

I looked ‘round and sure enough, she was right. Some men had the balls to keep on looking. I rolled me eyes as it contorted in disgust.

“Yeah, we’ll leave soon.”

Cassie flirted with that guy ‘til we left. She groaned exaggeratedly as she raked her fingers through her hair. “What the fuck, guys? I was still talking to him.”

I scoffed. “Don’t worry, Cass. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to satisfy you at the next bar.”

Angie nodded. “Yep. Looks like scum raided that bar tonight.”

By the end of the night, I was a fucking mess. I was stumbling ‘round and me speech was slurred. I was conscious of everything. I felt like it anyway, but something was telling me that I would forget bits and pieces in the morning.

Oh! Cassie did indeed get her scratch itched. She had sex in the restroom. We cheered and laughed at her for it. Turns out that Tina and I were more alike than I originally thought. Though, I believe the reason for that was because neither of us were on the prowl. Angie and Cass, on the other hand, were.

So, right now, Cass was giving me a ride back home.

I stuck me head out of the car and let the wind whip through me hair. I howled while extending me arm out. I could hear giggles in the car. When I felt content, I went back into the car. I draped over Angie and rested me head on her shoulder. I was sitting on me knees, so it worked.

I smiled, drunkenly. Angie stroked me face and whispered. “You are so beautiful. Like so beautiful. It kills me that you’re stuck in that dump of a home. If you were born into me own world, you’d be sought out by all the lords and their sons.”

I psh-ed her words while hiding me face in her arm. “Why, thank you! I think you’re quite stunning yourself.”

“Marry rich, Aliena. So, we can see each other all the time.”

We stared into each other’s eyes for a while. ‘Til I broke it by smiling and cackling. She joined in on me laughter.

The car had to stop eventually and when it did— they wouldn’t let me go!

I let all me weight go as I tried to get out of their grasps. “Let me go, you wenches!”

Cassie aw-ed. “Stay with us, Ali. Just come back into the car and sleep over!”

Tina, who was very fucking bladdered, chimed in. “Yeah, stay with us, Ali!”

I giggled while tipping me head back. “No!” I shouted. “I have work tomorrow!”

Their grip on me, eventually, loosened and I fell back on me arse. I laughed and moaned from the pain as me hand sluggishly went to soothe the pain. They laughed while crashing into each other.

“Fuck off ‘n go home!” I shouted while waving them off.

With ungraceful movements, Angie closed the car door as the other two fell back into the car. I stumbled to get back on me feet and opened the door.

I sighed and looked ‘round. It was fucking dark and nobody was there. I didn’t take a coat, so I just hung up me purse. I tried to bend over and take off me heels, but I ended up leaning forward ‘n had to catch meself.

I giggled at me actions. Then, I heaved a big sigh and raised a fist to me forehead as I winced in discomfort. I crashed into the wall on me left and debated whether or not I wanted to go into the kitchen for water ‘n bread.

I burped loudly which caused me hand to fly over me mouth and then I chuckled. But, then that feeling contorted into something bad. I ran over to the sink and held me hair back as I vomited into the sink.

I coughed and gathered all the spit in me mouth and spat it out a couple of times. I groaned as I slumped to the side.

I’m so fucking tired!

I coughed a few more times as I turned on the faucet. I let the water wash away me vomit and I scooped some water to wash away the taste in me mouth. When I was done, I stumbled back into the living room and threw meself on the couch.

I got comfortable and fell asleep.

“For fuck’s sake, Aliena.” I heard someone say. I groaned and refrained from opening me eyes. I didn’t want to fucking wake up right now!

Then, I felt someone pick at the hem of me dress and suddenly, me lower half was warmer. Not a second later, arms were under me knees and neck. I furrowed me eyebrows and whined in annoyance.

They started shushing me ‘n telling me to go back to sleep. However, against their wishes— me eyes fluttered open. It was Tommy. I couldn’t stop the smile on me face from happening and as I attempted to snuggle into his chest.

“Warm.” I muttered.

He shushed me again and repeated himself.

I could feel the both of us jolt as he walked upstairs. I tried falling back to sleep, but felt like that wasn’t becoming a possibility.

Slowly, with me hand, I hovered it over his cheekbone. He looked down at me. I stared into his eyes and whispered. “So pretty.” His facial expression didn’t change.

He just repeated himself yet again before he began to walk again. I let me hand drop and I closed me eyes. I tried focusing on the sound of his breath and the way his chest rose and fell.

I let him lay me in bed and tuck me in. As he turned ‘round to leave, I shot me hand out and grasped his wrist. “Stay with me?” I asked.

Tommy looked down at me hand and slowly, he backtracked and sat down next to me. A grin broke out on me face. I tried getting comfortable all while trying to cuddle with him, but it was too awkward since all I would be doing is putting me face near his arse.

Tommy cleared his throat then said something. Me eyes fluttered open and I hummed questioningly.

“Move over.” He repeated. And so, I did.

Tommy laid down next to me and I, immediately, cuddled into his side. I didn’t even give him time to properly lay his arm ‘round me shoulders. I just sought out to comfort of his scent and warmth.

I felt his torso shake with laughter, but no sound came out.

“Now, go back to sleep, Ali.”

I was able to follow through on that order that time.

When I woke up, me head was pounding, there was this god awful taste in me mouth, and I had light sensitivity. I groaned and held me head as I slowly got up. I held me head up as me elbows rested on me knees.

Then, I looked to me side. There was a note on me nightstand. I grabbed it and read it.

‘Take it easy today. - Thomas’

I rolled me eyes, but I was actually brimming with happiness on the inside.

‘So, that wasn’t a dream.’ I thought.

I got to me feet and worked on getting dressed for the day. I settled for a fuzzy, grey long-sleeved shirt, a blue pleated skirt, and stockings. These ones went all the way up to me waist. When I was done, I trudged over to me desk and worked on getting last night’s makeup off.

I’m such a better beaut! I had to use so many cotton balls and wipes. I sighed as I covered me face with me hands. I spread me hands and looked at meself in the mirror. I stretched down me face before letting it go. I let me left arm fall and I laid me head down on it.

I desperately did not want to go downstairs. But, I have a fucking job to do! I whimpered before getting up and slipping on boots. After that, I made me way downstairs.

As I turned into the kitchen, I should have known Polly would have been there. Sipping away at her mornin’ cuppa tea. She looked at me through hooded eyes. I looked away before looking back at her.

She set her cup down and leaned forward in her seat. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me how your night was?”

The only thought that went through me mind was, ‘Thank fuck!’

For several nights in a row, me nights have been nothing but partying. I’ve been getting up with a hangover from the night before, finishing me duties, making dinner, eating dinner, getting ready to go out, and then Cassie would pick me up.

When I left, I would drink so much that anything would fly out of me mouth as slurs and I was stumbling into people. Then, I would be dropped off home and luckily, I have been making it to me room. Oh, but first. I would vomit in the sink, or eat bread and drink water. So far it’s been a 50/50 chance for either.

Right now, I was dancing with a bottle in me hand by meself. Being drunk and dancing was freeing. I wasn’t thinking for once and I was just letting go. I didn’t have to worry abar who I was within the Shelby clan. I wasn’t overthinking every interaction I had with everybody I came across. I wasn’t obsessing over Thomas fucking Shelby.

I brought the bottle to me lips and took a swig. Cassie looked over at me and stumbled toward me, and I did the same. With me free hand, I cradled the back of her head and brought her forehead to meet mine.

“Are you having fun?” She asked me over the blaring music.

I nodded while gigglin’. “Yeah, what about you?”

She nodded too before stealing me bottle away. I protested and reached for it, but she stomped away. She couldn’t exactly manage a run, right now. I spluttered at the sight. When I stood up straight, I felt someone place their hands on me hips.

I didn't have to look behind meself to know it was some fella.

“Want some company, love?” He asked me.

I pondered it for a while before I decided on me answer. “I’m only lookin’ to dance. You got that?”

As he chuckled, I could feel his chest vibrate. “Sure, love.”

I rolled me eyes and started to dance to me own music. When I felt something hard press up against me arse, I pushed him away and started walking away. He tugged me back.

“Oi, slag. Finish what you started.” He shouted in me face.

I scoffed before stomping on his foot and kneeing his crotch. “You have a hand, use it!” I yelled as he doubled over. I shoved him to the ground and walked away.

I was instantly smothered by hands.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you just did that! You just did that!” Angie exclaimed.

“That was so fucking awesome. Look at you, bad-ass!” Cassie shouted.

Tina just had this big-arse smile on her face.

I laughed while shaking me head. “I’m glad youse enjoyed it, but unless he came here alone— we need to leave.”

We shuffled to our table, got our stuff and left. The night breeze whipped through our hair. I was falling into Cassie and Tina as we walked side by side.

I groaned exaggeratedly before shouting, “Should we just go to the flat? De’ fuckin’ weirdos are out tonight!”

Cassie cackled. “Maybe it’s because your dancing is driving men wild.”

I scoffed while pivoting me hip toward her. “I don’t give a fuck abar what they see. I’m not there to satisfy them. I’m ‘aving a fuckin’ dance.”

“So, you won’t make the first move, but you don’t want men to make the first move on you either… How does that work?” Tina quipped.

I craned me neck toward her before glaring at her. “Okay, Tina! Some liquid courage, right now, huh? No, I’m playing! I don’t know how it works, but it’s gonna be up to me if I want to give them me time. Okay? Okay.”

Angie snapped her fingers before saying. “Exactly! Exactly! Anyway, Ali’s right. Let’s head to the flat.” She hailed a taxi and we all got it.

I left the window open and leaned me head against it. That was ‘til Angie made me shut it. I blew raspberries at her, but did it anyway.

It didn’t take that long to reach the hotel and Angie paid. I was too busy walking up the steps. I saw the familiar doorman.

“Good evening, Ms. Welsh.” He greeted me. Mr. Wilson was an older man in his late 40s. That’s all you have to remember.

“Evening, Wilson.” I flashed him as smile and walked through the door he held open for me. I stumbled straight to the elevator and saw that I was walking way ahead of me friends.

I groaned while tipping me head back. The met me eventually and when the liftman spoke, I jumped. I didn’t notice that he was in here.

Cassie had to practically drag me out of the things since I had snoozed off. We were all full of cackles and giggles as we stumbled to Cassie’s flat. Once the door open and I crossed the threshold, I groaned extra exaggeratedly.

Angie shouted at me to shut up. I ignored her and worked on taking off these fucking devil heels. I threw them out of sight, out of mind then launched meself onto the bed.

“Open a bottle!” I chanted. “Open a bottle!”

When I heard the pop of a bottle, I cheered and flung meself back up. Cassie, Tina, and Angie were all sitting at the table. I trudged over to it and sat down rather unlady like.

I took the pins out of me hair and shook it out while throwing them on the table.

“So, Aliena, why did you turn down that man?” Angie asked.

I shrugged me shoulders. I didn’t expect her to be the one to ask that. “Didn’t feel like he was the one. Yaknow?” I reached for the glass of wine she’d just poured me and sipped it.

“Who will be the one?” Cassie quipped as she drank some of her wine.

Me gaze snapped toward her and I said without hesitation. “Perhaps it could be you.”

She as well as Tina spluttered. I smirked, victorious.

I sighed. “Why are you all so concerned with me love life so much? If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Right now, I’m not looking for meaningless sex nor am I looking to be in a relationship.” I realize that I didn’t say those words with perfect clarity, but— perhaps I did at the same time.

Tina cleared her throat. Everyone’s head turned to her.

“Because… Because we want to see you happy as the baby in the group.”

I blinked a couple of times as did everyone else apparently ‘cause once the three of us made eye contact with each other, we started cackling. I mean this was some heavy cackling. The kind that would embarrass you if your significant other heard it.

“No, but seriously— she’s right.” Cassie said through pants.

I sobered up real quick.

Angie continued. “Yeah. Look, this Thomas Shelby doesn’t seem like the kind of guy for you. I mean, hasn’t he made you cry like more than ten times, already? You don’t even want to find out if he likes you back. Why don’t you just find someone new?”

I blinked slowly as I tried to process what they said. I shook me head and muttered. “I’m gonna head to the loo.”

I closed the door behind me and stumbled to the sink. I was holding meself up on the sink and I looked up at me reflection. I took in a loud shuddering breath.

They didn’t understand. Tommy wasn’t a bad person, he was just ambitious. They don’t know abar his affectionate side like I do. The Tommy who joked and smiled with me at night. That Tommy was mine to adore on sleepless nights. The Tommy that makes me cry is very real, but it’s not even his fault. It’s mine.

It’s me who’s a coward. I already told them me reasons for not confronting him abar me feelings, why can’t they just accept that. I don’t want to have a bunch of one-night stands that’s not me! Why are they pushing me to do it when they don’t even do that to Tina? Is it because I’m a virgin?

I choked as I exhaled and wiped me eyes. I looked up at me reflection again and saw that I now had raccoon eyes. I blinked quickly while groaning to meself. The mascara was stinging me eyes. I opened the cabinet and scavenged for Cassie’s makeup remover items.

I’m not going to hold on to Tommy forever. I knew that in me heart. I had too precious of a goal to do that shit. Plus, the choice will be made for me in two years time. If Tommy knocks up Grace, that is. If he does, then I’m done. He loved her and only her. I have no right in the matter nor am I gonna kick up a fuss. I’m just glad to be in their lives.

I cherished his character for so long and so intensely that I actually managed to be “transported” to the Peaky Blinder Universe. Even if I don’t end up with him, this is still an excellent shot at life. I know things abar the future that will help me descendants. As ugly as this is, I can make a profit out of ideas that were invented in me timeline.

Me future doesn’t have to be completely uncertain anymore.

But no one can ever understand that. Not Cassie, Angie, Tina, Polly, or even Tommy could understand. I can plan me future with almost 100% guarantees that it will be a success.

It’s so tiring, though. I’m so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. I have to remember lie after lie after lie.

I heaved for air as I slid down the sink. There was a knock at the door.

“Aliena, are you all right in there?”

I nodded, even though they couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just need some time alone, please.”

“Okay.” Cassie said with a shaky voice.

I’m not upset at them. I’m upset with the truth their words held. I needed to get over Thomas Shelby. I knew that better than anyone. But, I was gonna do it me own way. Nobody can do it for me. I’m gonna do it at at me own time, nobody is gonna plan it for me.

I got up and wiped the tears that fell. I crawled over to where the toilet paper was, rolled some ‘round me hand and blew me nose. I threw it away and finally stood up. I walked back into the room where they all stared out me.

I pointed to the bed and whispered that I was going to sleep. They acknowledged it and I did as I said I was going to do.

I knew better than anyone that I shouldn’t be in love with Thomas Shelby. That he could get me killed, cheat on me, or ya know— create a toxic relationship. But, I didn’t see us as that. That’s what we were like on the surface. There’s unspoken words that are exchanged between us, always.

I knew he wasn’t good with words or actions because of the war and the business empire he wants to build. Do I get caught in the crossfire sometimes? Yes. Does me mental health suffer because of it? Yes, of course, it does! I’m human and a very emotional one at that!

I knew that some people think that Thomas Shelby was an absoulte arsehole and he is, but I saw why he was like that. I understood it. I would be that way too. I am that way. I do harbor similar feelings, but I also don’t want to be in a leadership position. I don’t want that dominance that Tommy does.

And, he does crave it.

I can’t fix him just like he can never fix me. But in my heart of hearts, I knew he may be the only one who understood these dark thoughts of mine just like I did his. But sometimes that isn’t enough.

I knew people like him craved an innocent partner at times. Not innocent in nature, but in their actions. They see the good in people, they’re optimists. A “low-born” man who is fascinated with a “high-born” woman because of her naive feisty nature.

I wasn’t any of that. I saw the worst in people. I consider meself a realist, but I’ve been called a pessimist. I was born from a middle-class family. And while I am bratty, yes, bratty. I’ve been labeled this by too many friends and family members to try downplaying me character now. I just want to feel safe. I want warmth. I want someone to hold me and tell me that everything’s alright.

I sniffled and wiped me nose.

Truth is, right now, I’m in limbo. I’m surrounded by people who have good intentions but I’m feeling more depressed than ever.

TAG LIST: @amirahiddleston @nemesis729 @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @tlfshelby1 @halepea @lilymurphy03 @marsfireeyes @masumiyetimziyanoldu

#thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby angst #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby x oc #in another world #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine

64 notes · View notes

aquidragon · 5 years ago

Text

Purple (Part 1)

Spencer Reid x Reader Summary: Spencer sometimes considered his eidetic memory a curse, however when he spots a gorgeous woman crossing the street with a purple ribbon, he can’t help but fall heads over heels for her. However, there’s more to her than it seems... Warning(s): Mentions of blood and alludes to violence Word Count: 2.2k A/N: Here’s my first ever x reader series! Thank you to @criesinreid for beta-reading this for me! (Part One: Here) (Part Two: x) (MASTERLIST) ---

---

Spencer Reid POV

It was a sunny Tuesday morning when I saw her, with beautiful h/c hair that was tied with a purple ribbon. Maybe it was because of the color, since purple was my favorite, but I felt like I was drawn to her. I watched with a rather stupid expression as she walked past me, with a wide smile from across the street. I felt my heart flutter and my face get warm. She was gorgeous. My eidetic memory allowed me to picture her smile and her shining h/c hair as she chased after her friends. After a few days, I caught myself imagining holding her hand and taking her out on dates. Would she like attending the library with me? What kind of genres did she enjoy? I could tell that she at least could read, since she was holding a few books close to her chest as she ran. I could no longer focus the book I held in my hands, the words seemed jumbled and scrambled. Nothing made sense, except for the woman that had blessed my very mind. The few seconds that I had my eyes on her, I couldn’t get her picture out of my vision. I let out a small sigh as I closed my book, allowing my mind to drift to her again.

“Pretty boy has got a crush.” The familiar teasing voice of my colleague joked from right above me. I looked up from my slouched position on the jet’s couch, I snorted, brushing over my lower lip with my tongue. “I-I don’t have a crush.” I responded, which I knew wasn’t convincing as Morgan laughed and took a seat beside me.

“Come on, you’ve been staring out into space.” He gently patted my shoulder, his dark eyes just dancing with playfulness. “So, who is she?” The older FBI agent asked, earning a small groan from me. “I told you I don’t have a crush.” I unintentionally let my voice lift up an octave, which gave away my lie. The look on Derrik’s face made me sigh and finally give in. “I saw this girl across the street from the coffee shop I frequent before work, Morgan she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” I knew it was rather dramatic, but it was true. “Well, did you get her number?” My co-worker asked, I shook my head sadly. “I didn’t get to her, she was running after some friends.” The sinking feeling in my chest began to drag down my mood. I suddenly felt like a dunce, how couldn’t I have just ran to her, asked for her name, her number, anything?

I cursed my inept ability to flirt, or talk to women in general. Looking at my friend made my brain begin to curse itself. I wasn’t as confident as Morgan, I couldn’t even cross the street to go after the girl that I was really fond of. This made me bring my hands up to my face, I dragged my palms over my eyes, I was much too tired to think too much about my hopeless attempts at relationships.

Morgan must’ve noticed my downwards spiral into hopelessness, because he patted my shoulder a few more times as the plane began to shake into the descent. “Hey don’t lose hope, she might live in DC, maybe you’ll see her again.” I looked up at him again, rubbing one of my eyes as the pressure rapidly changed. “How? Morgan I can’t just search DC for her, there’s 705,749 people that live in DC.” I challenged, hopelessness sinking deeper into my chest. I also felt frantic, I felt this paranoid need to find this woman again.

Morgan laughed, shaking his head. “Oh I know you Doctor Spencer Reid, you’ll find this woman.” Before I could respond with more statistics about the likeness of me running into a random person I hadn’t even met, the plane started to rumble on the runway. The rest of my team all groaned as they were awoken from their naps on the five hour flight we had just endured in Seattle.

After the plane was landed, I begrudgingly dragged my suitcase behind me towards the BAU offices. I wasn’t looking forward to doing paperwork, usually I could whisk through them with ease, but the nagging feeling in my heart made it impossible to think. All I could think about was her, and that purple ribbon that bounced with her movements as she ran. I scuffled all my paperwork back into a file, I would fill it out tomorrow morning, after my third coffee of the day. I was just about to leave when I heard the soft voice of my closest friend.

“Leaving so soon Spence?” JJ asked tiredly, I could tell that she was struggling to keep her eyes open. “Yeah- I’m too tired to do paperwork tonight.” I responded briskly, bringing up three of my fingers to rub one of my eyes. “Wow, Spencer Reid, too tired to do paperwork?” The teasing voice of Penelope came next, her entire body was limp and exhausted. I couldn’t help but crack a small smile, gathering up the last of my stuff. “Yeah-I have plans” I responded nervously. I couldn’t tell Penelope that I had a crush on a girl I randomly laid eyes on. I’m sure I could just tell the woman that the mystery girl owned a purple ribbon and she could find my crush within a couple hours. Tops.

“Ooo plans?” Garcia asked, a little bit of excitement glittered in her eyes. I opened my mouth to tell her that it was just a trip to the library, but Morgan stepped on. “Woah now Baby Girl, we can’t have our pretty boy here giving away his secrets.” He sent a wink at me, which made me chuckle. “I gotta go guys, see you on Monday.” I walked out of the office, heading towards the silver elevator that would take me to the main floor.

Now, I normally don’t believe in dream analysis. There’s just not enough evidence to prove that our dreams are somehow linked to ourselves. However, the events in my dream felt so unbelievably real. I saw the woman again, with her gorgeous h/l hair and sparkling e/c eyes. We were in a void, which reminded me of being underwater. My hair was fanned around my head, as if I was swimming. I looked back over at the woman, her hair was also floating around her pretty face. The purple ribbon was no longer on her head, but instead it was tied around her pinky finger.

“Spencer, look!” She spoke, but her voice was echoed, and sounded like a weird mix of voices. “We’re connected.” I blinked, confused. “Connected?” I muttered to myself, before I felt a tug at my pinky finger, making me look down. Just like the woman’s, a purple ribbon was tight around my finger, and led just to her pinky.

I let a joyous laugh bubble out of my chest. “I guess we are.” I looked back at the girl, she was now closer. Her face was slightly blurry, but it also seemed so clear. She seemed sad, from the way her hands floated over my shoulders. “Please find me.” The woman with the purple ribbon whispered, her voice softening. “I need you.” Then I heard gunshots, screaming, and a woman screaming for help. I moved to protect the girl, but she was gone, I was now in a decrepit looking house. I unholstered my gun, approaching the door where I heard the noises. Blood began pouring from the crack between the door and floor. I let out a scream.

And then I woke up

--- Y/N L/N POV

Any method to get away from my psycho family was a win for me. Even if it meant hanging out with my shitty friends from high school, who did nothing but cause trouble and get high. Now I didn’t really have an issue with people getting high, I once dabbled in it when I was in my early college years. I only stopped when I started to fall behind in my classes.

So today, I decided I was going to the cute little coffee shop I passed after stopping at the library. I’ve been in a desperate need for coffee anyway. Looking into the mirror of my vanity, I cautiously applied makeup to my face. Brushing a hint of blush onto my cheeks as I smiled at myself. I loved makeup, maybe it was because my parents never let me use it growing up. They believed it was “against God's will” or yadda yadda.

It didn’t matter anymore, I lived in my own shitty apartment, so I could do whatever I wanted to myself. After finishing up the last touches to my face, I reached over to tie my ribbon. I didn’t know why, but I was always drawn to the color purple, so I bought a lot of purple-colored accessories. My ribbon was my most prized accessory though, I could tie it in my hair in whatever way I saw fit.

So, I tied it in my favorite way before admiring myself in the mirror once again. I tried to ignore the subtle scars marking certain locations on my face, but I felt like my makeup covered them well. Feeling satisfied, I switched off the lights, grabbed my phone and headed out.

“Ugh seriously?” I exclaimed as I stepped outside, only to feel the subtle drops of rain on my hair. The coffee place was only a block or so from my apartment complex, and I really didn’t feel like digging for my keys again. So, I bolted, hurrying to the cafe as the rain started to pelt down harder.

Once I reached the building, I threw open the door and got inside. Breathing heavily, I searched my purse for my wallet and made my way over to the line. The line went by fast, I ordered my coffee and went to sit down right by the window. A storm had rolled in, I sipped at my beverage as I watched people outside scramble about in hopes for shelter.

One of them being a handsome lanky man that I swore I saw somewhere. He glanced at me from outside, through the window, and his face lit up. He swiftly entered the cafe, and made a beeline over to me. He didn’t order anything, but the baristas seemed to recognize him, one of them even waved.

“I-I’m sorry is this seat taken?” The brunette asked, breathlessly, as he stood behind the seat next to me. I shook my head, scooting my chair over so he could get into the one he wanted. “Do I know you from somewhere?” I asked, curiously, I swore I recognized him.

The handsome man seemed surprised, he took off his soaked jacket. “Uh, I saw you last Tuesday.” He mumbled, his voice squeaking a bit. I bit the corner of my mouth and observed him from head to toe. He was well-dressed, with a dark grey cardigan over what seemed to be a dress shirt and tie. He wore dress pants, but had two well-worn converse and two differently colored socks.

Suddenly it came to me, I had glanced at him as I rushed to catch up with my friends. I remembered that I really wanted to look back at him again, but had a time constraint. “Oh yeah!” I grinned, taking another sip of my caffeinated beverage. “I remember now.” The man seemed pleased at my words, fumbling with the ends of his cardigan nervously. “Oh, well, I’m Doctor Reid.” The man seemed like he wanted to shake my hand, but kept his hands as far from mine as possible. He nervously cleared his throat, looking at me in the eyes. “Doctor Spencer Reid.” Spencer gave me a hopeful smile, which I returned. “It’s a pleasure to formally meet you Doctor, my name is Y/n.” I didn’t bother saying my last name, I didn’t want to be associated with it.

“No please, call me Spencer.” The fawn-brown haired doctor sounded tense. “No need to use formalities with me here.” He clarified, making me laugh. “Alright, alright. Spencer it is then.” When our eyes met, I swore that Spencer looked at me with so much intensity I thought I would explode. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to say something.

Ring

“Oh sorry lemme get that.” The doctor scrambled into his pocket, pulling out an ancient flip phone and answering the call. “What? Already?” He paused, listening into the call, I began to become more intrigued by the minute. His face fell, his once bright and handsome face turned into one that resembled haunted somberness. “I understand, I’ll be there right away Hotch.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, not bothering to suppress my curiosity. “It’s my-job.” Spencer answered sluggishly, making a face as he slid on his damp jacket. “Oh?” I watched as he scrambled for a napkin and he fished a pen from his satchel.

“Call me?” The honey-eyed man asked hopefully, after sketching out his number on the paper. I nodded, taking the napkin into my hand, scanning over the haphazardly written numbers. “Of course-” I responded, but Spencer was already halfway out the door. I snorted, slipping out my phone and typing in the man’s number. Now THIS will be interesting...

---

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #multiparter #spencer reid fluff #purple #criminal minds #reader insert #implied soulmates

110 notes · View notes

nothingunrealistic · 4 years ago

Note

Prompt/request: Winston has been SUPER burned out lately because of, yunno, the pressure to prove himself and actually be valued for his contributions to mase cap while almost everyone rags on him, and eventually it gets ... too far. I'll leave it vague to give you some freedom. Cue dynamics between Taylor, Rian and Mafee (because not enough people pay attention to the latter relationship, I know Mafee was a giant dickwad to Winston in 4x11 but he might as well has his own loyalties tested).

Renovations have been going on all week at Axe Capital, and the noise is really ruining the ambience of the office. Luckily for Rian, none of the construction work is happening inside the Mase Carb enclave, but glass walls don’t block out all the sound, just muffle it.

With everyone trying to make up the losses from the Shine-Lucence collapse, it’s been a week of late nights for the quant team. She’d expect the construction crew to have gone home by now, but they’re still in the building, and the constant clamor of saw and hammer still seeps through the glass. Maybe they don’t have a union.

Rian hits the button on another backtest and leans back in her chair. That should give her an hour at least to look into another project, or maybe just to relax.

She glances over to Winston, thinking of asking what he’s working on, but he doesn’t look like he’s working at all. Though technically he’s looking at his Bloomberg, or at least pointing his face toward it, his eyes are glazed over. His hands aren’t on his keyboard or mouse; one of them is clicking a pen every few seconds.

Rian pauses her music and takes off her headphones. Normally that would catch Winston’s attention, but he doesn’t look her way. She needs to be more obvious.

“¿Estás pensando en la inmortalidad del cangrejo?”

Winston’s eyes flick over to her, more focused now, giving her a half-hearted attempt at a death glare. He still doesn’t say anything.

“You’re really spacing out right now,” Rian says. “Like, you might as well be in the Oort cloud.” Oh, that’s a good metaphor, very fund-appropriate. She’d better keep that one in her back pocket.

The silent semi-glare lasts several more seconds before Winston speaks. “Long week. I’m tired.”

A hammer bangs against metal somewhere on the main floor, and Winston flinches, eyes flickering shut, fingers curling tighter around the pen. That doesn’t look like ordinary exhaustion.

“Construction getting to you?” Rian says, trying to be casual. Sounding too concerned would make it weird. “I can’t believe they’re still here.”

“Yeah. Can’t block it out, can’t focus.”

“Don’t you have headphones?”

“Broke last week. New pair hasn’t shipped yet.”

The muted clunk of the office door opening turns both Rian’s and Winston’s heads. Mafee’s walked in, and pushed the door so far open that it’s locked into place, letting the sounds of power tools flow in unfiltered. “You guys are still here?”

“Fuck off,” Winston says. A few analysts stare, but Mafee ignores him.

“You’re also still here,” Rian points out.

“Everyone on the trading floor’s gone home. Didn’t expect there to be anyone left here.”

Winston drops his pen onto the desk. “Shut the door, asshole.”

“Deal with it,” Mafee says.

“Do you know what the renovations are for?” Rian says, as Winston pulls off his glasses and buries his face in his hands. “Or why they’re continuing this late?”

“No clue.” Mafee yanks out an empty desk chair and drops into it with a clatter. “Back in the Westport office, Axe had the meditation room torn up and redone into a panic room. Maybe he’s doing that again.”

“What for?”

“Who knows? It’s Axe, no one has a fucking clue why he does anything until six months later.” A drill whines and buzzes outside; Mafee raises his voice. “I mean, when he was renovating the first time, he was crazy paranoid about there being a quisling in the office, and then in three weeks it was like he’d totally forgotten about it — whoa, hey, man —”

Rian follows his gaze to Winston, who’s pressing his open hands against his face again and again, so hard that it has to hurt. Red scratches run from his hairline down over his forehead. Mafee jumps from his chair and tries to pull Winston’s hands away from his face. “Dude, you’re gonna hurt yourself, don’t do that —”

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Winston grits out, barely intelligible, struggling to yank his hands free of Mafee’s grip.

“Help me out here,” Mafee says, turning back to Rian, but she’s never seen this happen, has no idea what to do.

Who would know?

Lauren and Wendy are nowhere in sight. Most of the other quants have gone home, and the few left, whose names Rian doesn’t know anyway, are pointedly ignoring events at Winston’s end of the desk. Taylor —

Taylor’s still here, in their office. Taylor knows how to handle problems, how to make things better.

“I’m going to get Taylor,” Rian announces, and gets up from her chair.

On her way, one analyst she passes dares to ask, “What’s going —”

“None of your business,” Rian says, because it seems fitting, and sounds a lot better than I don’t know either and I’m scared.

She slips into Taylor’s office. With their laptop open and the desk phone pressed to their ear, they don’t notice her even when the door shuts behind her. This might be a bad time.

“Hey, are you busy?”

“Excuse me for a moment,” Taylor says into the phone, before setting it on the desk. “Yes. Is this urgent?”

“Well, Winston’s kind of freaking out, and Mafee and I don’t know what to do,” Rian says, “so… yeah?”

Taylor looks toward Winston, and their brow furrows over widening eyes. They pick up the phone just long enough to say, “I’m sorry, but I’ll need to call you back another day,” before hanging up and slamming the laptop shut. In less time than it took Rian to decide to ask Taylor for help, they’re out the door; she follows them.

“Please go home and close the door behind you,” she hears them say to the remaining quants, who hurry to shut off their computers and pack up their things. When they get to Winston, they wave away Mafee — he’s gotten the message to get his hands off Winston, it seems, and was just entreating him to calm down instead. (It isn’t working.) No reason why Rian’s presence would be any more helpful; she retreats to the couch near the office entrance, the door finally swinging shut behind the last analyst to leave.

Taylor sits in Rian’s chair, leaning in close to Winston and talking too quietly to hear from across the room. That doesn’t stop Rian from trying, and she’s straining so hard to pick out their words that it’s almost a surprise when Mafee sits down next to her. “Do you think he’s having a stroke or something?”

“I think if he were having a stroke, Taylor would have called 911 instead of handling it themself.” Rian shifts on the couch. Mafee’s sitting partly on her cushion and partly on the one next to it, and it’s throwing off her equilibrium. “You haven’t seen this before?”

“Never.”

Relative quiet settles over the office — the racket from outside is muffled again, and inside there’s only Taylor’s voice, low and calm, and Winston’s breathing, slowing.

Both of them get up, and Winston follows Taylor to their office. Through the glass, Rian watches him collapsing onto the couch just inside the door and Taylor pulling down the window shades. Seems like it’d be helpful if the glass walls on three sides also had shades. Maybe this would have been avoided if they were in a normal building.

Winston described it to her, once, the building that Taylor Mason Carbon had called home when it was named Taylor Mason Capital and not under Axe’s control. An old warehouse, refurbished, across the river in Dumbo. Exposed wood and stone and solid doors, low light and quiet, rather than Axe Cap’s glass and chrome and glaring fluorescents and soaring staircases that declare the future is here and now and it is insane wealth. He’d obviously missed it, and she can see why.

On the other side of the glass, Taylor sits down beside Winston, shoulder to shoulder, their backs to everyone else, and Rian aches.

“I think maybe we should leave,” Mafee says.

“We should.”

Rian pushes herself off the couch to return to her desk. The backtest will have to finish another day. She turns off her Bloomberg, scoops up her laptop and headphones, and doesn’t let her focus linger on Winston’s glasses, askew on his keyboard.

When she turns for the door, Taylor is there, and Rian almost jumps. It’s spooky how quietly they move sometimes. “Before you go, I need to speak with you. And Mafee.”

“Sure.”

A nod from Taylor summons Mafee from the couch. He comes over demanding to know, in a not-quite-whisper, “What the hell was that about?”

“Winston will be taking a few days off.”

“Because he gave himself a concussion and said ‘don’t fucking touch me’ when I tried to stop him?”

“In a case like that, I would suggest that you not fucking touch him.” Taylor shoves their hands in their pockets. “It likely exacerbated the situation.”

“There wasn’t a situation until he tried to tear his face off.”

“There kind of was,” Rian says. “Before you came in, he said he was tired and the noise from the construction was bothering him. And you leaving the door open probably didn’t help.”

“Exactly. Being subjected to noise at that volume for this long can be… overstimulating.” Rian steals a glance toward Winston, who’s now lying down on the couch. “Some people are more sensitive to that kind of disruption than others.”

“Winston? Sensitive?”

So the pot is calling the kettle callous now? “Unlike you.”

Mafee shrugs, hands falling open helplessly. “It’s not like I wanted him to suffer or something. I didn’t know he wasn’t just being a jackass about me leaving the door open.”

“Anyway,” Taylor says, curt. “Winston will be out next week. I’ll see what can be done about the renovations before he returns —”

“But he’s going to be fine, right?”

Surprised looks from both Mafee and Taylor land on her like laser sights. Damn. She sounded too concerned and she’s made it weird.

“Yes.” There’s no impatience in Taylor’s tone now, just sympathy. “He will be.”

#inbox #a-clockwork-justice #billions #winston billions #rian billions #dudley mafee #taylor mason #sometimes i write #riawin #tayston #soundtrack for this fic: the entirety of making a door less open by car seat headrest (at full volume) layered over #Construction Site Sound Effects - 8 HOURS - with Video. Hammering‚ Hand Sawing Wood‚ Drilling etc (at 40 percent volume)#final word count: 1691

25 notes · View notes

xanderwithanx · 4 years ago

Text

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

2 notes · View notes

gold-and-rubies · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Not an Angel, Baby - Chapter 1

And here’s the first chapter for this fic. It’s in the pov of my courier, Bridget. Warning for violence.

The Mojave Wasteland was an unforgiving place that tended to breed certain types of people. In order to survive one had to be wary, cutthroat, and unforgiving. That or you had to have a good sense of community, people you can fall back on if things go south. Or just really, really lucky. Bridget O' Donaghue was one of the lucky few.

Bridget took a bullet head, with really the only downside being lost memories. It was a curse to not know who you really are, but it was better than the alternatives. She was just thankful that her eyesight did not get worse, and that her glasses did not break.

She sat in what constituted more as a crevice than a cave in the mountains. She wished she had a fire, but the road from Nipton to Novac was crawling with Vipers and Legionaries. She did, however, risk having the radio play on her Pip-Boy. M. New Vegas recounted tales of a random hero’s good deeds. It took her a moment to realize that he was talking about her.

She had no idea what kind of person she was before taking a bullet to the head, but she wanted to be a good person now. Either she was always a good person, or a near death experience her to be one. She supposed it did not matter much.

She sat there and stared at the sky until it was sunrise. It was not safe to travel at night.

She stumbled out of the crevice, and took a moment to stretch out her limbs. They were unbelievably cramped from sitting in there all night. Grabbing her bag, she continued down the road to Novac.

She felt a small amount of relief when the dinosaur came into sight. Towns were usually safe places. Usually.

She walked up to the first person she saw. A woman in a blood soaked tank top. Bridget was starting to second guess the comfort she felt when she first saw the place.

“Um, excuse me?” Bridget said in an attempt to get the woman’s attention.

“Do you need help? Broken bone? Too many rads?” the woman responded.

Although she was caught off guard by all the questions, it was nice to know where the blood came from.

“Uh, no. I just want to ask a few questions.”

“Well, hurry then. I have important things to do,” she demanded.

She narrowed her eyes at her. She was not fond of being talked to like that.

“I’m looking for some people that came through here,” she explained, “One was a man in a black and white suit jacket.”

“I saw them come through here,” the woman nodded, “but I don’t know anything about them. I think they stayed a night. You should talk to Jeanie May. She runs the motel.”

“Thank you,” she said and took off toward the motel. She pushed open the door. It was surprisingly cool inside. A woman sat behind the counter to the right of the door.

“Welcome! Welcome! I’m Jeanie May Crawford, and this is the Dino Dee-lite Motel. You look tired. I hope you didn’t spend too much time on the road,” she smiled.

Something about the woman made Bridget’s skin crawl. She seemed like she was just a sweet, old woman, but there was something off about her.

Her hand fell from the door to her hip, resting on her holstered revolver, “Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Oh, of course dear!”

“There are some people who came through here that I’m looking for. One of them was a man in a black and white checkered jacket. Do you have any ideas as to where they went?”

“Oh yes, I remember that group. They were talking about the city, but they weren’t very civilized. I believe I heard that man say they were heading to New Vegas. I don’t know why though, or which way they headed exactly. You should talk to Manny Vargas. He’s our daytime sniper up in the mouth of Dinky.”

“Thanks,” she responded. Her hand raised back to the door, but she hesitated for a moment. The thought of renting a room crossed her mind. It would have been nice to sleep in an actual bed, but something held her back. She decided it would be better to sleep under the stars here. At least for the time being.

She blinked a few times as she stepped back into the wastes. The sun seemed particularly bright that day.

She made her way up the stairs. Inside the dinosaur she briefly greeted the man running the gift shop before heading up the next set of stairs. He was the first person she met in this town that did not set off any alarm bells. She knocked softly on the door before opening it. The last thing she needed was to be staring down the barrel of a rifle.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Manny greeted.

“Hi. I was just wondering if you could answer some questions for me?”

“Well, what do you want to know?” he asked, his voice edged with caution.

“There was a group of men that were here. One of them had a black and white checkered coat on. I need to know where they went.”

“Must be pretty important if you’re hunting down a group like that,” he folded his arms across his chest.

“I… They took something from me. I need answers,” she explained.

“You know I’d love to help, but I have some things I need help with,” he proposed.

She struggled to suppress a groan in response. She was more than willing to help people, but she did not appreciate the way he set this up.

She rolled her eyes, “Fine. What do you need?”

“Novac is home for me, and I want it to be permanent, but there’s an issue. The only thing we have here is scrap, which we get from the old REPCONN test site. Recently, a bunch of ghouls moved in. They need to go. I’d do it myself, but I need to keep watch,” he explained.

She folded her arms over her chest, “Alright, but don’t expect me to get it done right away. I haven’t slept for a few days.”

“As long as you get it done.”

She nodded, and headed back down. She spent the rest of the day asking everyone else if they had any information on the man. Instead she ended up agreeing to help the old ranger and the McBrides. She also heard whispers about the other sniper. The one with the night shift.

Her body ached from the long day, but she forced herself to climb the steps again. Again she softly knocked on the door before opening. This time the man on the other side of the door was a lot less welcoming.

“Don’t sneak up on me. What do you want?” he demanded.

Despite his unwelcoming tone, he was one of the few people there that she did not immediately feel genuinely threatened by. She could sense something was wrong, but not in the same way as the old woman.

“Relax,” Bridget put up her hands, “I’m just here to ask a few questions.”

“I think you need to leave,” he said coolly.

“Look, I’m only here to get some information. The sooner I get that the sooner I’ll leave,” she argued.

“Wait. You aren’t from around here are you? Maybe you shouldn’t go. Not yet.”

She scowled at the sudden change, “Why?”

“I need someone I can trust. You’re a stranger. That’s a start,” he said. His expression was impossible to read from behind his sunglasses. She realized he was wearing sunglasses at night. She became more confused.

One of her eyebrows raised from the scowl, “You only trust strangers?”

“I said it was a start,” he reiterated, “This town… nobody looks me in eyes anymore.”

“What do you want me to do?” she asked cautiously. She was unsure of what to make of the situation. While she did not feel like he was a bad person, the words from his mouth were not exactly reassuring.

“I want you to find something out for me,” he sighed, “I don’t know if there is anything to find, but I need someone I can try. My wife was taken from our home by Legion slavers one night while I was on watch. They knew when to come and what route to take, and they only took Carla. Someone set it up. I don’t know who.”

Her scowl turned into an apologetic frown, “I’m sorry. I know how horrible the Legion can be. I was the first person to see what they did to Nipton. You want me to track her down?”

“No. I want the son of a bitch who sold her… I know she’s dead.”

She nodded, “Alright, I’m more than willing to help. What do you want me to do?”

He pulled his beret off and handed it to her, “Take the person to the front of the dinosaur and put this on. I’ll take care of the rest.”

She nodded, and headed back down the stairs for the second time. Normally she would not agree to helping with a hit like this, or at least she thought she would not do it. This person, though, no matter how innocent they seemed, did something unforgivable, and they could be putting others at risk.

She ran through all the people in the town. Given their statuses as ex-NCR army, and their reactions to what happened at the ranger station, she immediately crossed out Manny and Ranger Andy. Nobark was too paranoid to do anything like that. As off putting as the doctor seemed, Bridget did not think she would do something like that, and she was too new. Cliff apparently spent all of his time in the dinosaur or his home. That left the McBrides and Jeanie May.

She settled on Jeanie. The old woman filled her with dread already. It would not hurt to do some investigating.

She walked to the door of the motel lobby, and was surprised to see the door was unlocked. Trust like that was rare.

She looked around the room, and immediately spotted the safe behind the desk. She pulled out a bobby pin she hid in the bun holding her black hair from her face. She cracked the safe in a small amount of time. She pulled out the first paper she laid eyes on, and felt her blood run cold.

It was the perfect proof. A bill of sale. She pocketed that, and the caps for good measure.

She jogged over to Jeanie May’s home, trying not to shake too much from the anticipation. She banged on the door, and hoped it would wake her up.

Luckily, it did, and before she could say anything Bridget was begging her to follow her. She tried not to show any reaction to how easily she agreed to follow.

“So, what did you need to show me, dear?” she asked once they got to the front of the dinosaur.

Bridget pointed straight ahead of them, and pulled on the beret, “Over there.”

The sound of Boone’s rifle sounded as soon as the beret was on her head. She looked down to her side, and sure enough she laid dead beside her.

Boone was ready for her this time when she opened the door this time. She immediately handed over the beret.

“How did you know?” he asked, grabbing it from her.

“This,” she said, handing over the bill of sale.

“Guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” he sighed, “Here. A hundred caps. It’s all I can give. I think our dealings are done here.”

She ran her thumb over the bag of caps. She looked at him, and a feeling that she should not leave him behind.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know. I won’t be staying. Don’t really see the point in doing anything, but hunting legionaries. Maybe I’ll wander. Like you.”

“You could come with me,” she offered.

“You don’t want that,” he argued.

“I have to take care of something, but I’m planning on taking down as many of those fuckers I can along the way, besides, you’ll do a lot better if you have someone watching your back.”

“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Well, alright then. We can head out when you’re ready,” she nodded. She hid how pleased she was to have someone to watch her back.

“Tomorrow evening would be best.”

“Okay,” she agreed, and proceeded down the stairs for the third time that day.

#fallout #fanfiction #fanfic #violence warning #fallout new vegas #new vegas #fnv #fallout nv #fnv courier #courier six #bridget o'donoghue #craig boone #benny gecko x courier #benny x courier

10 notes · View notes

nataliedanovelist · 5 years ago

Text

GF - Beauty Within the Fallen ch.VIII (Finale)

Summary: Two misfit twins come across an enchanted castle, home of a mysterious beast, and slowly begin to form a strong bond that just might survive through anything. Even evil demons.

AU and artwork belong to the beautiful and very talented @artsycrapfromsai. Go give her some love, guys!!!

ch.VII

~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, well, well well well well well well well well!” Bill’s voice echoed from Gideon’s mouth. “Good to see you again, beast, you’re looking good.”

“You,” Dipper snarled. “You’re the one who cursed him.” “Hey, hey, you’re not as dumb as you look, Pinetree.” Bill taunted. “You’re gonna pay for that!” Dipper suddenly broke from Stan’s hold and charged at Bill, but when he raised his hand, the boy suddenly floated and couldn’t move. “What?!” “Possession and curses aren’t all I can do.” Bill shared boastfully. He suddenly fell back and rolled as a giant claw left-hooked him in the face. Dipper fell face-first and was assisted up by his sister, free from Bill’s spell. “RUN!” Stan shouted back at the kids as he moved towards Bill swiftly, but neither Dipper or Mabel moved. “You think you can defeat me?!” Bill cackled maliciously. “I’m the Master of the Mind! The Demon of the Nightmare Realm! You’re just some unwanted monster! A disgusting creature! You’re vile! You’re foul! You’re flawed!” “Also CUTE AND FLUFFY!” And Stan pounced for the kid, but Gideon suddenly floated in the air. “Maybe you can fight me, but they can’t.” Bill snarled and dove for the kids. “NO!” The three rolled down onto another balcony and Bill had Gideon’s hands around Dipper’s neck, choking him. Mabel elbowed him off of her brother and Bill had no issue hurting a girl, so he punched her and they began to fight. Bill quickly kicked Mabel away and Dipper hurried to her. Bill clapped his hands together and made a long dagger appear between his palms, grabbing it and ready to fight. “Let’s get this over with.” Dipper buried Mabel’s face into his shoulder and he stood in front of her protectively. He closed his eyes and winced when Bill suddenly moved forward, but no pain came to him and he heard a loud, agonizing roar. He looked up to find Stan between the kids and the enemy, and Bill had stabbed him. Stan had taken the dagger for Dipper and Mabel. “NO!” The kids screamed and hurried to his side and he fell on one knee, his paw clamped over his wound, trying to ignore it and face a bigger issue. Bill dropped his dagger, which disappeared once it hit the floor, and laughed, first a low chuckle but then an ear-splitting cackle. Something gold emerged from Gideon’s body and the boy fell, unconscious. Bill, kicking his legs and holding his triangular body, laughed down at the suffering mortals before him. “Oh ho, this is just too perfect!” The demon declared. “What’s even better than killing those kids?! Killing Stan! Now the curse will never be undone and Sixer will be gone soon enough! Good job there, beast! Thanks for making my job es… AAAAAGH!” Stan had gathered the last of his strength and punched Bill right in the face. Because Stan was directly connected to the curse, he could touch the demon in a way no one else could. Bill crumbled under Stan’s knuckles and the echo of his horrible scream rang through the night. Stan gasped for breath and fell back, completely drained as so much blood was leaving him from his side. Dipper and Mabel gasped in horror, shaken from their shock of Bill’s demise, and were at his right side. Mabel, the closest to his head, petted his cheek and the side of his face. “Stan? Stan?!” She begged, his eyes closed. The old beast forced his brown eyes open and they sparkled up at the kids. “Hey,” He grunted. “You’re back.” “We told you we’d come back.” Dipper said shakenly. “We couldn’t… this… this is all our fault.” “No,” Stan firmly pushed that notion away, his breath staggering as he winced in staggering agony. “No… it’s okay… it’s better th-this way…” “Don’t talk like that.” Mabel scolded and cupped his furry face with her little hand. “We won’t lose you… we can’t lose you. You’ll be okay. We’re all here now, it’ll all be okay.” Stan smiled at her hope, the kind of hope he wished he had, and as he struggled to breath, he lifted a shaking paw up to her to return the kind gesture. Mabel held his hand up to the side of her face and let a tear fall on his thumb. Stan combed her hair gently with his claws and, despite being at Death’s hand, despite the pain, despite the end being so close, he was happy. He chuckled weakly. “Heh. Looks like I was good for something after all.” Mabel shut her eyes and held his hand even tighter. Dipper blinked hard, refusing to cry, and then looked back down at his friend. Stan closed his eyes with a smile, and then his breathing stopped. Mabel dropped his hand and stared, tears rolling down her face. “No… no…” She frantically tried to wake him up, to bring him back. “No, no, no!” Dipper watched in horror. He was so overcome with grief and shock that he seemed to shut down. As his twin desperately tried to be hopeful and tried to find a solution, he knew that, once again, he would have to be realistic and make Mabel see the cold, harsh reality. Finally, she looked up at her brother’s own wide-eyed, grief stricken face. “It-It’ll be okay, right? Right? He’ll be okay… right?” He was the smart one; if he could somehow see a possible way for this to all work out and for Stan to be okay and for them to be a family… Dipper somehow found it in him to shake his head, a tear escaping his eye. Mabel, shaking, collapsed on Stan’s still chest and clang to his shirt and fur for dear life, sobbing in agonizing grief and pain. Dipper cried and hugged his sister with a trembling arm around her shoulder, his other grasping Stan’s shirt. “You can’t go, you can’t!” Mabel cried. “You just c-can’t…” Her voice cracked halfway through her pleas. She was heartbroken and tired. Dipper swallowed, and together they whimpered, “We love you,” preparing to say goodbye. Dark clouds rolled over the skies. Dipper and Mabel both cried unashamed over their loss. Neither of them had any idea what to do, so they just stayed there and sobbed over Stan’s limp body. They didn’t even notice a bolt of sparks falling down. Or the next. Or the next two. But Dipper thought he heard something and glanced up as more silver and gold magic fell from the heavens. “Mabel,” He lightly shook her shoulders. “Mabel, look.” She forced herself to look up and she gasped at what was happening. Even more unhindering, Stan’s body slowly began to rise. Dipper dragged Mabel back and they watched with tears in their eyes as Stan’s blood-soaked cloak wrapped around him and he became engulfed in golden light. Terrified, Dipper and Mabel held each other, worried that his body might be taken away. When the light vanished, the maroon cloak was free of blood and a man wrapped in it was being set down carefully, the magic fading away. The kids noticed, though his back was to them, that this man had pale skin and long, gray hair, and was in Stan’s ripped white shirt and torn dark pants. The mysterious man slowly made his way to his feet, as if he was moving his body for the first time in his life. He stared and flexed his hands and arms, clutched at his stomach, savoring everything. And then suddenly he turned around. His brown eyes were bright, not at all faded like his hair, and his eyes immediately locked on Mabel and Dipper. The boy tightened his hold on his sister, still traumatized and very paranoid. The man moved his mouth, struggling to form words, his jaw shaking, until he finally spoke one word. “Kids?” They knew that voice. No one else had that voice. And the look in his eyes, his warm brown eyes, the same ones he had. As he stared at them with shock, wonder, disbelief, awe, and love. There’s only one person it could be. “STAN!!!” He got on one knee and let the kids hurl themselves into his strong arms. With each child on his shoulder, crying their hearts out, Stan held them tight and grinned with shut eyes, savoring this moment. He chuckled warmly and just having him here and alive was all Dipper and Mabel could have ever wanted. So much so that it took them a minute to fully understand what had happened. Dipper lifted his head and wiped his tears away. “But, how?” He breathed. “How is this possible?” Mabel turned so she could see Stan’s face, but she kept her cheek on his shoulder. “Turns out we messed up Bill’s message.” Stan said with a warm smile. “He didn’t say anything romance.” His eyes moved down to Mabel, who was looking at him misty-eyed. She was still crying. Stan smiled at her and tried to make her feel better with a comforting look. The little girl smiled and lifted a hand to his cheek, cupping the side of his face, feeling his five o’clock shadow and long hair. Stan smiled and rested his cheek in her hand, his eyes closed, but then his eyes popped open and his hold on the kids loosened as a sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks. “STANFORD!” Stan hurriedly put the kids down and then ran into the castle for dear life. Dipper and Mabel gasped and tried to follow, but they just couldn’t keep up with the old man fueled with so much adrenaline. Ford had turned back into a human a few minutes ago, but after going thirty years without using a body at all, he found he had no strength and was too clumsy to function, so he chuckled helplessly at himself and trusted that Stanley would be there soon. Until then he relished in the feeling of breathing, of seeing and hearing properly, of the wonderful feeling of a night’s breeze in his hair. Moses, how he had missed it all. And, somehow, Stanley had done it. The door was thrown open and without a single door Ford was suddenly pulled up and thrown into a bone-crushing hug, but he just laughed, delighted to hear his own voice again but even more delighted over his brother’s touch. His twelve fingers clung onto Stan’s shirt and his twin buried his face in his shoulder, shaking. What had happened since Gideon picked the journal up was all an excruciating haze to him, but none of that mattered now. Ford finally felt like he had his brother back. He took note of Stan’s heavy, breathing. Ford just held onto his dear twin and said into his ear, “I love you, Stanley.” Stan sagged a little, making them both sag since he was mostly holding them up. “I love you, too.” Ford isn’t sure if Stan believes him, so he repeats himself and then Stan does the same. This goes on for a few minutes, with an occasional “I’m sorry” sprinkled in. Stan moaned this even more woefully. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” “No, I’m sorry.” Ford insisted upon, his speech muffled by Stan’s ripped shirt. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much I love you years ago. Then we wouldn’t have had to go through this.” “It’s fine.” Stan’s own voice is hard to hear through Ford’s brown jacket, “It’s not your fault. It was never your fault. If it was anyone’s fault, it’s mine.” Ford tightened his grip around Stan, his voice taking a hard edge to it. “You’re wrong. I was the one who was tricked. You were the one who tried to clean up the mess I made.” “Yeah, well...” “You’re both wrong!” A voice interrupted and the brothers loosened their hold to look at the door. They found Mabel and Dipper standing at a distance. “It was neither of your faults, you dum-dums! It was the evil triangle’s fault. Geez, I thought adults were supposed to be smart.” She said with a roll of her eyes. “She’s right, you know. “ Dipper smiled at them, a teasing gleam in his eye. It was unclear which statement, exactly, he was referring to. Stan and Ford stared at the younger pair of twins for a moment. Then, a low chuckle escaped the eldest, growing into laughter steadily, while the younger brother shortly followed suit. Soon, both were laughing against each other, barely keeping themselves sitting upright. Finally, Stan spoke. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess… yeah. I guess you’re right, kid.” “Of course I’m right!” Mabel grinned, hands on her hips. “I’m always right!” Their laughter quieted and the old men noticed the grand distance between themselves and the children. Stan motioned a hand for them to come up to them while Ford smiled shyly, excited to be formally introduced to them. Dipper and Mabel slowly walked towards them and Stan took each of their little hands with one of his own and also took Ford’s. He had his brother lay his hand out flat and he put the kids’ hands on his. “Kids, this is the author of the journal, my brother.” Mabel and Dipper soaked in his appearance. He was definitely Stan’s twin, but he had his own unique differences. His hair was charcoal gray, shorted and fluffier, and had a gray stripe in the middle of his hair. He had a gold-rimmed monocle over his right eye, his eyes were also a soft brown, and he had a cleft chin. He wore shiny black shoes and fancier clothes, decked in a brown coat with a red scarf tied around his neck. Mabel and Dipper looked down at their held hands and saw that this man had six fingers, just like the journal. They grinned excitedly and Mabel even kissed his hand before leaping into his arms and nearly knocking him over, but Stan luckily had a strong hand on his brother’s back. “Ford!” Mabel cried out in joy as Dipper hugged him, too. “You’re back!” Ford chuckled wetly and blinked away his tears. “Thanks to you two. Thank you so, so much.” The door burst open and Soos stood there, chubby and grinning as a human again. “DUDES! Look at us!” Wendy was soon by his side, a beautiful redhead, and cheered, “You guys! You won’t believe it! Everyone’s back! Pacifica, Candy, Grenda…” “Abuelita!” Soos called and ran to his grandmother, who was sitting in an armchair and taking a nap. “Soos! Mi precioso!” Stan helped Ford up to his feet as the kids got off of him. They held his hand again and they all just stood together, overcome with joy and happiness and love. ~~~~~~~~~~ Almost immediately after the curse was lifted, the two sets of twins fell asleep in front of the fireplace in the lounge, too exhausted from the day’s events to do anything else. Stan was so tired and focused on Ford and the kids that he didn’t even change out of his torn clothes first, but no one cared at all. Everyone’s hands touched in their sleep. Mabel and Dipper held hands, and they had their hands over Stan and Ford’s. Stan had his arm over Mabel, used to hugging her and Dipper when they snuggled together over stories by the fire days ago, while Ford had his arms wrapped around Dipper, almost using the boy as a teddy bear. He desperately needed to feel the comfort of human contact that holding someone brings. Ford had sat somewhat awkwardly because he was not used to having a body again, but no one minded. Mabel and Dipper both used Ford’s arm as a pillow; poor Ford would feel it in the morning, but again, no one cared. Against pillows propped by on a couch, Stan kept an arm wrapped around his brother. Even in his exhausted state, he had the need to keep him safe. In the days to come, slow adjustments had to be made. Ford required a lot of assistance, learning how to use his body again, but Mabel was only happy to teach him how to eat and Dipper assisted in walking and Stan was a little too quick to picking him up and carrying him. Stan and Ford invited the kids and Fiddleford to move in with them permanently and they joyfully agreed. Ford and Fiddleford made fast friends and soon little explosions of experiments gone wrong from the study would become normal. But that was all in the future. For now, they only rested and dreamed. Right now, Dipper was remembering a distant memory. It was bedtime, and he and his sister at five-years-old were stubborn and didn’t want to go to sleep, but Grandpa Shermie only chuckled and told Fiddlford he could handle it and was left alone with his grandchildren. “Come now, my shining stars.” Grandpa Shermie said as he picked up Mabel and put her in the big bed she shared with her brother to keep the nightmares away. He combed her hair. He took in a deep breath and sang a song Ma used to sing to him and his brothers a long time ago. “How does a moment last forever? How can a story never die? It is love we must hold onto, never easy, but we try. Sometimes our happiness is captured, somehow our time and place stand still. Love lives on inside our hearts and always will.” At the same time Dipper was having his pleasant dream, Stan was having his own. Ma was brushing his hair with her fingers and then scooped up Ford to put him in the top bunk as she sang. “Minutes turn to hours, days to years, then gone. But when all else has been forgotten, still our song lives on. Maybe some moments weren't so perfect, maybe some memories not so sweet, but we have to know some bad times or our lives are incomplete. Then when the shadows overtake us just when we feel all hope is gone, we'll hear our song and know once more our love lives on.” ~~~~~~~~~~ The next evening, Stan found himself panting as he awoke. He felt sick to his stomach and his head was spinning. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to calm down. In the neighboring bed, Ford was already awake, staring at his hands on his lap. He looked up at Stan with a concerned look. The younger twin sighed and looked away in shame. A small, timid knock was at the door. “C’min.” Stan called. The door opened and the masters of the castle smiled to find two children and a pig wishing for their company. They could tell by the look in Dipper and Mabel’s eyes that they must have suffered a nightmare, too. Stan smiled and opened his arms. At once, they ran into his hold and got under the silk covers. Stan squeezed them and tolerated the pig at the foot of his large bed. Mabel looked over at Ford and freed a hand for him. He smiled, honored that they wanted to include him, and he climbed into the bed, as well. Snuggled together and slowly sinking back into their sleep, Mabel began to mutter a lullaby under her breath for her boys. “How does a moment last forever? How does our happiness endure? Through the darkest of our troubles. Love is beauty, love is pure.” The elder twins exchanged looks as Dipper began to whisper with his sister. “Love pays no mind to desolation. It flows like a river through the soul. Protects, perceives, and perseveres, and makes us whole.” “Minutes turn to hours, days to years, then gone.” Stan and Ford sang quietly together, making the kids look up at them with astonishment. “But when all else has been forgotten, still our song lives on. How does a moment last forever?” “When our song lives on.” The kids sunk into the adults’ comforting hold and soon they were all sound asleep. THE END

Dedicated to @artsycrapfromsai.

#GF #gravity falls #disney #batb au #beauty within the fallen #ford pines #stan pines #mabel pines #dipper pines #THANK YOU #thank you all so much for reading and supporting this fic #I'm so thankful for all of you #please leave a comment on what you thought

88 notes · View notes

normal-piece-of-shit · 6 years ago

Text

Of Life and Heroes

Chapter 1: Face-To-Face With Guns And Misunderstandings

“Put the gun down and I won't shoot!”

“You put the gun down, first!”

“This is getting nowhere and it's ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!”

At Chloe's words, both the teens (one a vigilante-a certain Robin-and one a Marinette) stopped circling each other with the guns.

“Drop the guns, now.” the clear threat in Chloe's voice when she said that, was evident. Both teens hurried to do as she said, if only to please her.

Impatient for answers, Marinette was quick to ask the first question. “Why'd you try to attack us? I thought you were one of the vigilantes?!” she accused with a scowl.

“I did not attack you! I was simply trying to help! You were the one who attacked me.” Robin explained with a scowl of his own.

“Maybe you should've given us a heads up before jumping right in front of us.”

“Maybe you should've waited for me to explain myself before stealing my gun.”

“Maybe-” “Oh, shut up you two” Chloe interrupted, finally tired of their bickering. They were like an old married couple and they only just met!

“I apologize on behalf of Marinette,” she started, “Ever since our class decided to come here for the picnic, she's been super paranoid.”

Robin gave a hum of understanding before replying “I suppose I'll have to apologize too. You see, there were some goons following you.” He explained, “And it is kind of my job to save others, so when you just attacked me like that, my reflexes took over.”

Marinette nodded, a little embarrassed of what she had just done. Chloe smiled at her friend's display of embarrassment, enjoying what was happening before she spoke up “Finally! Also, we knew there were goons following us. We wouldve been able to handle them anyway. If what Marinette just showed didn't prove us being capable, I dont know what will”

“I admit, the moves were impressing.” Robin confessed, “Though I wonder how you were able to do that so easily.”

“It's normal in Paris” Marinette spoke up, “Akumas attack us every week so it's good to be prepared.”

“Akumas are real?!” a new voice entered. Robin scowled and turned behind to look at the rooftop above.

“How long were you spying in us, Nightwing.”

_________________________________________

Aaaaand that's it. This is like my first fanfic, so feel free to correct me on mistakes. I'd like to get better. Also, I love this ship but ran out of things to read so this was the result. I might add more, but who knows.

#maribat #daminette #maridami #fanfic #of life and heroes

446 notes · View notes

theravencawsatmidnight · 5 years ago

Text

White Day with Shinso

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

What is White Day?

White Day is every year in Japan on March 14th . One month after Valentines day . On Valentines day woman in japan give chocolates to men they have feelings for. On White Day men return the chocolates (and sometimes gifts) to the woman they have the same feelings for 🤍

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You always had a crush on Shinso , everything about him was so cool. His quirk was really interesting and he impressed you in the Sports Festival. You were in the support class so you never really got to talk to Shinso, you could only watch from the sidelines , cheering him on.

You spent an entire week trying to perfect chocolate making . You wrote down every mistake you made and spent hours correcting it . You also wanted to do something cute so you bought expensive chocolate decoration tools. Spent a full day watching decoration videos till you fell asleep. The morning of Valentines day you were staring down at the chocolates you made for him. They were round with little pointy chocolate pieces on the top . You carved a little nose into the center and two cat eyes . You had carefully added little black licorice to it for little whiskers.

Carefully you put the chocolates into a red box with thin red paper in it. You closed the box and tied some pretty red leather around the box in a neat knot. You sighed with relief . It was done. Finally.

“I can give him this.. and if he does not feel the same then .. thats okay. At least i finally told him how i feel.”

You rushed to UA as fast as you can, you needed to catch Shinsi before class started otherwise you would not see him at all. You ran up the hill out of breath spotting Monoma admiring himself in the reflection of his phone. You hurried over tapping his shoulder. He turned to you holding his arms out grinning big.

“Y/N!!! My my!! Are those for me ME? Ive already turned down so many today !! But if its from you then-“

“Do you know where Shinso is!!!”

His hands fell and his grin flattened. He gave you an uninpressed look.

“Hes in the locker area..”

“Okay thank you!” You ran off leaving the dissapointed boy

You heaved running to the lockers . Shinso was just closing his locker when you finally made it to him . Before he could say anything the bell rang. You looked at him , hot and out of breath. You were heaving so hard you could not talk. He tilted his head at you rubbing his neck .

“Yes Y/N?”

You held the box out with shaking hands. He stared at it for a minute till the smell made him realize what it was . He forgot what day it was too. Gently he took the box from you and you choked out what you were trying to say.

“Hap!!!-y!! Valentines—!!! Day!-“ you ran off into the school.

Shinso held the box close to his face inspecting it and enjoying the sweet scent coming from it. He opened the box on his way to class. When he got to class he was staring at the little cat face chocolates. They were so cute how could he eat them? Gently he put the top back on re tying it and set them in his backpack for lunch.

You got to class late and youre teacher scolded you for it. You did not really mind though, you did it. You showed Shinso you had feelings for him. Thats all that mattered. The detention you got after school did not matter, or the extra class duties. Nope. Okay maybe a little.

It was lunch time and Shinso also ate by himself on the stairs. It was not noisy there and he could relax. The chocolates were delicious. The licorice was sweet and the little cat ears were really soft. The chocolate itself was filled with melted fudge too. He leaned on the wall smiling down at the box . He was.. suppose to do something back right?

He pulled his phone out trying to search for it but he did not know what to search. Kendo was walking by and spotted the confused tired boy .

“Hey Shinso! Ya look lost you okay?”

“Hey Kendo.” He said not looking up from his phone. “Do you know anything about Valentines Day?”

She blinked walking over and sitting next to him, she smiled when she saw the box and cat chocolates. She elbowed him making him look over at her.

“Got some chocolates i see.”

“Yeah Y/N gave me them.”

Kendo hummed leaning on Shinso making him roll his eyes with a smile on his face. “Yeah yeah, im suppose to do something back right?”

“If you feel the same yeah! Its called White Day, its one month from today. You give them white chocolate or marshmellows and gifts “

“What kinda gifts?”

“Any! I think they have to be white though. What are you gonna do?”

Shinso rubbed his neck staring down at the chocolates for a few minutes. He knew you thought he was pretty cool, but the way classes were he never got to really talk to you. He would get the chance to now.

“ im going to give them chocolates and get them a gift. Just keep it under wraps ok Kendo?”

She gave Shinso a thumbs up hopping up to leave him be. Shinso finished up the chocolates and neatly tucked the box into his bag. He got up and continued on with his day thinking about what to do.

The rest of the month went by fast and Shinso kinda procrastinated untill a couple days before White Day. If he was not training with Aizawa he was asleep. He took his time making the chocolates though, even if it made him late for school. He put the white box in a white bag and left for UA.

He found you at the lockers when he got there but he was too late. The bell run and you ran off into the school, he rubbed his neck looking at the sky trying to think of what to do. While he was thinking he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Kendo eyeing his bag.

“It looks so cute !” She said pointing at it

“I missed them Kendo. I might not get another chance today. “

“Hmmm. You leave it to me ok? After school wait for me at the entrance !”

“Uhm.. okay Kendo.”

The day went on and Shinso was a little paranoid. He cought himself staring down at the bag alot . His class mates teased him about it but he did not really mind. You were the only one who showed that kind of interest in him. He had to put his trust in Kendo.

Around last period Kendo busted into youre class room scaring everyone. She put a note on youre desk and left before the teacher could grab her. You blinked snatching the note hiding it fast before youre teacher turned back around.

What the heck was that about?

After class ended you left the classroom opening the note .

‘Meet me at the entrance Y/N!’

“I wonder whats up..?”

You made youre way to the main entrance not seeing Kendo anywhere. Instead you saw Shinso rubbing his neck staring at the sky . You saw his bag and youre heart jumped in youre throat.

“Cmon Y/N.. move.. move . Go over” You pushed yourself going over to the tired boy.

“H-hey Shinso..”

He turned seeing you. “Oh hey Y/N. This is for you” he held the bag out . “Happy White Day”

You stared at him for a second till you realized. You held youre hands out and he placed the strings in youre hands.

“I hope you uh .. like it. Do you want to uh.. hang out at my house.?”

“... yes.. yes that sounds really nice i..” you looked in the bag then back at Shinso.

“You can.. take the stuff out y’know.”

“Uh!! Sorry!!” You opened the bag more taking out a white cat plush. Youre face got a little red and you looked at Shinso. His cheeks were a little red to. Gently you put the cat back in the bag and took out the little white box . You opened it to see little marshmellows with chocolate ears and noses.

“Shin!!! Shinso!!! This is so cute!!!”

He grinned looking at the sky then at you. “I uh well. I thought it was a cute thing you did with the chocolates so ..” he held his hand out to you making you put the box away.

“I.. i like you Y/N.”

You took his hand very slowly .

“Shinso i .. like you too . Thats why i gave you the chocolates. I just think youre so cool and youre quirk is cool to so..”

“Aw Y/N. Thank you. Cmon.. i dont have training today so i want to take advantage of that.”

You held his hand tight following him. You were so happy and relieved right now. He liked you back. And you got to hang out with him now.

You both arrived at his house and Shinso took you to him room to watch some tv and enjoy the marshmellows together. You were sitting holding youre knees feeling a little awkward to be in his room. The marshmellows were very good and gooey , Shinso was sitting next to you looking awkward too. Should he make the first move? Should you?

Slowly you slid youre hand over to his, youre pinkie finger slid over his . Shinso looked over to see you not looking at him. He felt youre hand sliding over his more . He looked down at youre hand and turned his over so he could hold yours. You glanced over to see him rubbing his neck smiling at you.

“ i uh.. im new to this so..” he admitted

“Me..me to heh. What should we do?”

“Uhm.. well i kind of want to hold you? If thats okay?”

You felt youre cheeks flush , you scooted over to him and Shinso lifted his leg , you laid youre back against it and laid youre legs over his knee. He rested his arm on youre shoulder and held you close to him. You could hear his nervous heartbeat and giggled a bit.

“What?” He asked looking down at you

“Youre nervous to heh..”

“A nervous wreck”

You leaned into his chest talking softly.

“Me too Shinso.. i just.. i dont care if you want to take this slow. I just want to be with you”

He smiled laying his cheek on youre head squeezing you.

“I move slow anyway so i guess it works.”

You giggled squeezing him back.

“I guess it does”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N. I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH HE DESERVES THE WORLD.

#hitoshi shinso #shinso #my hero academia fan fiction #shinso x reader #my hero academia fan fic #boku no hero fanfic #my hero academia general studies #white day #valentines day #my hero academia

71 notes · View notes