#also i tried to sing it and lads there is nothing coming out of my throat. musescore or something it is i guess

[quatregats]

I had a definite melody for the verse of Hornblorbo song which I was sure had come from somewhere and I thought it might have been a random song on one of the mostly-new-music-for-me playlists about characters that I've been listening to a lot recently but no. It was "Zapalduen olerkia" by Ken Zazpi. (Not) diversity win 🥳🥳🥳

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Hurts Like Heaven

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: You and Jamie were nothing more than friends with benefits…then Jamie realizes that the way he feels for you is more than friends.

A/N: inspired by the song I Think I Like You by The Band Camino

You and Jamie had been friends for a few years. You met through Keeley and he'd tried to get into your pants after they'd broken up. But girl code meant you don't sleep with your friend's ex unless they say it's okay.

Years later, he and Keeley still aren't together. It originally saddened Jamie, however, he learned that he valued her highly as a friend and he eventually lost feelings for her.

That's when you came in.

Jamie didn't feel ready to get back into serious dating, but he also didn't feel like going back to random hook ups like his early days. That's when you suggested a friends with benefits relationship.

The suggestion surprised Jamie, especially since you rejected him a few years ago.

You rolled your eyes at him, "Yes, but I've gotten Keeley's permission to sleep with you if I chose to do so."

His brows rose, "I'm sorry, what? When did this happen?"

You shrugged like it was no big deal, "Like a year ago."

"So you're telling me we could've been fucking for a year now?"

You snorted, "I didn't think you'd still be interested."

He grinned at you, "Oh, I'm still very interested."

It was nice. He thought the arrangement would change things but it didn't. He still texted you about the things Jan Maas said or a new song that Dani introduced him to. You two would facetime for hours while he was at away games until you both fell asleep. He used to be a man of not many words, but he found himself never shutting up in your presence.

You grabbed lunch or dinner when you could and instead of going your separate ways, either one of you followed the other to your respective homes and you had sex.

Some days, you didn't have sex at all. He'd come over with take out and you two would watch a movie. Or he'd help you cook dinner while you're both singing Harry Styles' lyrics at the top your lungs. He felt so happy and at peace with you.

It was great. It was nice...until you told Jamie that someone had asked you on a date.

"It's fine. We're not dating or nothing, so why would it matter?" he asked you when you broke the news.

You shrugged, "I dunno. Guess I-nevermind. I'm going to cancel our movie night on Friday then."

"What? Why?"

"That's when my date is. Unless...I cancel it?" You looked at Jamie like you were hoping for...something. What you were hoping for he didn't know, but he shook his head, "No, no. It's fine. Could probably go to the pub with the lads or something." He then pointed a finger at you, "But you let me know if he does something that makes you uncomfortable. I'll pick you up. Just say the word."

You nodded and give him a smile, "I know. Thanks, Jame."

________________

It's the night of the date. Jamie has been on edge the entire day and he's not exactly sure why. You'd sent him your outfit for the date and you...you looked beautiful, sexy, gorgeous. There was a pit in stomach when he realized that you'd never dressed up for him like that. Why would you? You two are only friends who also sleep together. Nothing that would warrant you to put much that effort...but Jamie wanted it.

Fuck, did he want you to dress that way only for him, to take you on dates and call you his girl.

Holy fuck, why did he have to realize this all too late?

Even when he went to a club with the lads, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He kept checking his phone every five minutes to see if you'd messaged him. The last thing you sent was you telling him the restaurant you were at and he'd sent you a thumbs up.

He stood at one of the standing tables, nursing a beer and just watching the crowd. His teammates were drinking and dancing with women, except for Colin who was dancing with his boyfriend, Michael.

Getting a bit anxious, he pulls his phone out again, looking at the thread of texts between you and him.

"Are you alright, Jamie?" Sam asks above the club's music.

Jamie sighs and pockets his phone, "I'm gonna step out for a bit!" he shouts back and Sam responds, "I'll come with you!"

They take their beers and head out to the back patio of the club. The music is still loud but not as much.

Jamie lets out a deep breath, letting the cool air encompass him. Sam nudges him, "What's going on?"

Jamie chuckles to himself, "Think I'm in love, Sam," and then winces.

Sam cocks a brow in confusion, "Why do you look so pained then?"

Jamie sighs and runs a hand through his now brunette hair, "It's complicated."

"Is it Y/N?"

Jamie's head whipped to Sam's direction, "How the fuck did you know that?"

Sam can't help but laugh, "You don't hide it very well when you're with her. You're...happier with her."

He scoffs, "'M not so happy now, am I? She's on a date right now."

"Why?"

"Some bloke from the IT department asked her and she asked me how I felt about it and I said it was fine. That her going on that date doesn't matter 'cause we're not exclusive or nothin' and now I fuckin' regret it 'cause I fuckin' love her!" after his mini rant he looks back as a smug looking Sam, "What?"

"I think the solution to your problem is very simple, Jamie."

"Yeah? And what's that."

"Tell her."

He's immediately shaking his head, "No. No. I can't. I can't. It'll ruin everything."

"I don't think it will."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I have a strong feeling it'll be okay."

Suddenly, his phone is buzzing and your contact photo is staring up at him. He looks up at Sam and his teammate is grinning at him, "Tell her," he says before patting Jamie on the back and heading back inside.

Jamie nods and answers your call, "Hey, you alright?"

"He was a complete prick! He yelled at our server because his pasta wasn't al dente and complained about me eating too much bread."

"Pft. You love bread."

"I love bread so much!" you sigh, "I'm having uber me drop off because there was no way in hell I was getting in the car with him again."

Jamie frowns to himself, "You should've told me. I could've picked you up."

"I texted you ten minutes ago and you didn't respond!"

Jamie curses and pulls back his phone going to the text thread to see you had texted him, "Shit. Sorry, love."

"It's fine. You can come over after your night with the boys."

"I'm leaving right now. Wasn't very exciting anyway. Want me to grab some food?"

You groan, "Yes, please. That meal wasn't satisfying enough."

Jamie finds himself smiling, "Alright. I'll be over in a bit. Get comfy for me."

"Waaaay ahead of ya. Tossing the dress in the hamper as we speak and pulling out my comfy clothes. Shall I pull yours out as well?"

"Please."

"Got it. See you in a bit, Jame."

"Right. Bye." After he ends the call, he heads inside to say his good-byes to his mates. Sam is giving him a knowing look and a "Good luck" as he walks out of the club.

___________________

Half an hour later, Jamie is letting himself into your place with the spare key that you gave him. He places the takeout on the coffee table in front of you.

"Go eat. I'm gonna change."

"Thank you!" you holler as he walks down the hallway to your room and where you've laid out a pair of joggers and a t-shirt for him. He quickly changes and heads back to your living room where he sees you shoveling your face with the food he's brought.

He's smiling wide as he sits beside you, "Good?"

You nod, "Soooo good!"

He grabs your remote and plays the movie you picked, "Guess we ended up having our movie night after all."

You snort, "Shout out to Liam for IT for being a prick, I guess."

Jamie stills. His brows furrow and you see he's thinking hard about something. You set your food down, pause the movie, and turn to completely face him on the couch.

"What's going on?"

"I realized something."

"Okay...is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Depends on how you take it, I suppose," he turns to face you as well, "I...I think I like you more than I should."

"Meaning..."

"I'm in love with you. I think I have been for a while now but it just didn't hit me until you were out with that prick-"

"Liam-"

"and all I could think about tonight was losing you. I hate that you looked absolutely gorgeous for someone else. I hate that it was him taking you on a date and not me. And I hate the thought of someone else being where I should be."

You chuckle, looking away and shaking your head, "Jamie Tartt," and this is when Jamie prepares to be rejected by you, "took you long enough."

Oh. Oh. That's not something he expected.

"So, uh, so you-"

You lean in pressing your lips against his and when you pull away you're smiling, "I love you too."

"Oh. Great. Cool. That's-That's good."

You laugh, "Did I break you?"

"Maybe?"

You laugh more and he's smiling again. Your laugh is music to his ears and it's filling him up with so much warmth and love.

You pat his knee, "Alright, loverboy, let's continue this movie night , yeah?" you press play and you grab your food. You curl up into Jamie's side and he relishes in your warmth while you feed him some of your food.

A day later, Jamie posts a picture of you sitting across from him at the same restaurant you went to with Liam, with the caption: Dinner with me girl <3.

His comments littered with applause and congratulations from his teammates and fans. They all love you, but Jamie loves you the most.

[loveyouprongs]

melting into you

grumpy sirius black x fem!reader

upcoming content: fluff, mentions of massages, mary is kinda a mean girl (sorry!) but only for two sentences

authors note: my first time writing for sirius and i kind of hateeee this but i also wanted to put it out anyway! despite any photos used in the header, it’s important that people of all races can identify with my work so please let me know if any of the descriptive language i use is exclusionary, i’m trying my best!

word count: 3k

masterlist

the chatter of the crowded pub immediately enveloped sirius as he stepped through the door. his body couldn’t decide if the various, loud voices were grating on him or if he was relieved to be able to get lost in the sea of bodies and finally relax after the long day he had. he glanced around the room, eyes falling on his group of friends all sat at their usual table in the corner. a seat was left empty, assumedly for him, and his gut twisted with something unidentifiable (or at least something he was trying very hard not to identify) when he saw your figure in the chair beside it.

you were a friend of james’ from work. well, near james’ work. you owned a little massage parlor, set up right across the street from the rugby field james’ trains at. sirius still remembers the day james first discovered you. james had practically melted into the bar stool, a dopey smile gracing his face.

“you look particularly happy after a day of training, mate,” remus remarked. james did nothing but let out an angelic sigh.

“alert the media lads, i can confirm heaven is real because i was just there,” james exclaimed.

“what the fuck are you on about?” sirius asked, not used to james’ relaxed state, it was… off putting. james was always either full of energy, or absolutely exhausted (from burning off said energy). sirius couldn’t remember the last time he saw his friend so at peace.

“this girl-” james started,

“i hope you showered before you came here then,” sirius quipped.

“not like that you dolt,” james remarked, “this masseuse, more like an angel, she just opened up a practice down the street from the field and my back was fucking aching after practice today so i popped in, and UGH,” james let out an almost pornographic sigh, attracting the attention of the other bar patrons.

“she couldn’t have been that good,” remus said.

“oh, but she is! i already scheduled weekly appointments with her! you guys should check her out, she’s really nice too.”

sirius rolled his eyes, “i think i’ll pass on some middle aged lady rubbing lavender on me, thanks, though.”

“she’s not middle aged, she’s our age! and you could do with some relaxation pads, you’re so bloody tense all the time. remus, you should give her a call,” james said, handing remus a pale purple business card, “she can help you with your joint pain.”

remus looked down at the card skeptically, he’d tried every single ointment, doctor, treatment, you name it, to help fix his, as his friends so nicely called it, “old man bones”, and nothing. but james was looking at remus with wide, pleading eyes and remus conceded, tucking the card into his pocket.

a week later, sirius, james, and everyone were hanging out at lily and marlene’s flat. “where’s remus? i thought he was coming with you,” lily asked sirius.

“beats me, i tried calling him twice this past hour, went straight to voicemail.”

“i know where he is,” james sung.

“oh yeah, where?” lily challenged.

“getting a massage!”

“james, no one likes massages other than you, and it’s becoming creepy,” sirius remarked.

“i don’t care! i bet you fifty, no one hundred, no two hundred pounds, when moony gets here, he’ll be singing her praises!”

“you can find out now,” lily said, as remus stumbled into the living room, the same dopey smile on his face that was on james’ last week.

“no way you went to james’ hippie-dippie massage place,” sirius said, the vanilla aroma coming off remus’ body already wafting through his nose.

“i feel amazing,” remus slurred, flopping onto the couch.

“jesus, you’re acting drunk!” marlene said, a disbelieving smile on her face.

“i feel drunk! like a jellyfish that’s had too much champagne, who can float around the ocean without a care in the world” remus said, staring into space, his grin practically splitting his face.

“i told you! she’s the best, i don’t know how she does it.”

lily and marlene started talking about going to see these “magic hands” for themselves and sirius just grumbled, sinking further into the couch watching remus roll around on the couch like a cat basking in a warm spot of sunlight, and even sirius couldn’t stop his smile, seeing his usually achy and in pain friend so at peace. even if he did look like a drunk jellyfish.

since then, everyone of james’ friends and family have had a session with you, each feeling so much better, physically, and thought you were the nicest girl this side of the city, so when james’ suggested inviting you to pub trivia one night, there were no objections. that night you floated in, a shimmery blue top and long white skirt donning your frame as you greeted everyone, but most you were already familiar with, except for sirius. and unluckily for you, you caught him on a bad day. a really bad day. his head was pounding and ears were ringing from already pulling a double at work, and frankly the scent of eucalyptus that clouded you was making him nauseous.

“hi sirius, it’s nice to meet you,” you spoke softly, the sound of your voice soothing his pounding head involuntarily. he responded with a not friendly, but not unfriendly hum of acknowledgement.

“i fear i don’t know anything about these categories,” you continued, looking at the blackboard above the bar that marked the trivia.

“bad day for you to join us then,” sirius said, and he expected you to take the hint but you just laughed, a tinkling tune floating through the air.

“oi, no it’s not! don’t listen to him, he’s just in a mood,” james assured, glaring at his always grumpy friend.

“i suppose you’re right,” you replied to sirius, your calm smile never faltering despite the now awkward air.

“we lose about half the time anyway,” remus spoke and your eyes visibility relaxed at the outward friendliness.

“oh right! didn’t you tell me that most of your back pain came from carrying the team?”

the group let out an echo of “heys!” at your question to which remus only laughed, “exactly.”

“how are you feeling anyway?”

“much better, that thing you did with my lower back, it really helped.”

“i’m glad,” you responded sweetly, and sirius again felt a pang of gratefulness flow through him towards you, for the relief you brought his best mate. only to be quickly drowned out by the annoyance of the day heightened, multiplied, by your and james’ exuberant energies. both loud, giggly, and for some reason every missed answer that you took in stride, rubbed sirius the wrong way. and don’t even get him started on the adorable ridiculous outfits you wore, made up of colors he’s never even seen before. so as you became a regular in their friend group, he kept his distance. you were nice enough, he’ll give that to you. always saying hello to him and asking how he’s doing, offering him a spot at your practice any time -to which he always declined- despite his standoffish behavior towards you. he already had a james, he didn’t need his twin, he didn’t think he could take it. your seemingly endless energy, joy, ability to talk, so the two of you just never grew close like you did with everyone else.

this didn’t stop the yearning, stomach twisting, desire to awaken whenever you were near. at first sirius thought he was sick. but one night when you were telling a story about an older man you were treating who fell asleep during your session, sirius couldn’t help but bark out a laugh and the pure happiness in your gaze made his heart melt instantly. oh, no. sirius thought, and immediately trained his face back into a neutral expression. but it wasn’t fast enough for james to miss it.

“so, i noticed something tonight,” james said as the two stood on the balcony, each nursing a cig.

“good for you, jamesy, tomorrow go for two things,” sirius replied with a smirk.

“hmm, funny. but i noticed how a certain someone was looking at a certain someone else.”

sirius didn’t dignify him with a response.

“oh, come on padfoot. it’s so obvious that you like her,” james goaded. sirius shot him a look that he hoped was indifference, but he could tell james could see the fear in it. the fear over if he really was being obvious, the fear of being vulnerable.

“i mean, obvious to me, she still thinks you don’t like her a bit,” james responded.

“i like her just fine.”

“i think it’s a little more than that, don’t you?”

“i don’t know what you’re making up in your head,” sirius snapped, taking a long drag, letting the smoke warm his nose as he blew it out.

“okay, so i’m just imagining all your lingering glances at her when she isn’t looking -and you called me a creep when i first met her, might i remind you!- and how you always get extra grumpy when some bloke chats her up at the pub.”

“i do not!” sirius retorted childishly. it was annoying, okay? how you would stand at the edge of the bar, waiting patiently to order a round for the table and men would just flock to you like moths to a flame. sirius couldn’t help but roll his eyes at their corny (and horny) pick up lines, to which you were always too nice about in response. he didn’t understand why someone would put up with that, but you never say an unkind word. it was annoying for that reason, only.

james sighed, stamping out his cigarette, “you just need to let yourself be happy, man, i think you would be really good together,” and with that james went back inside, the sliding glass door not closing soon enough for sirius to not catch your enchanting, tinkling, laugh.

back in the present, sirius let out a sigh, steeling himself for the night. “you made it!” james cried, throwing a tipsy arm around sirius as he sat down.

“happy birthday prongs, packed house, tonight,” sirius said, looking around the table that was more than just his usual friends, peter, thomas, and mary, all here, too. he felt a slight scowl creep up his face, he wasn’t the biggest fan of peter or thomas, and even more so wasn’t so fond of mary. he remembered back in school, she could always be a little stuck up. but she was the only one who could match sirius when it came to alcohol, so she wasn’t so bad to have around for a drink.

“hey sirius,” you spoke softly, your temple resting against your fist.

“hello,” he said back, letting his eyes quickly dance over your form. you were wearing a poofy pink dress that fell to about mid thigh, making you look kind of like a cupcake with legs. he’d love a taste. the thought entered his mind as quickly as he forced it away. the skirt of your dress partially covering a white bag crumpled under your thigh and being squeezed tight with your other hand.

sirius had an array of ready to go answers on the tip of his tongue for your inevitable asking of how his day went. “it was fine.” “not so bad.” “long.” but the question never came. you were staring at the large television screen playing an old recording of a rugby game from the eighties.

“didn’t know you were into rugby,” sirius murmured and it took you a few seconds to realize he was speaking to you.

“oh! oh, not so much, but this one is quite interesting,” you responded simply, eyes shifting back to the screen.

you regularly annoyed sirius, that part was true, but this time it was different. why were you acting so strange? how come the fruity drink in front of you was seemingly untouched? it wasn’t like you to be so… silent.

as the night went by, sirius grew more agitated. did some bloke take it a step too far before he got there? you were definitely present in the conversations being held around the table, never one to be rude, but you didn’t join in like you usually would and sirius noticed you were chewing your bottom lip almost bloody.

“is she your girlfriend or something, sirius?” mary asked as sirius was hanging by the bar, waiting for the boys and his drinks to be ready, eyes still fixed on you as he watched you listen intently to james’ story, the regular glimmer in your eye gone.

“what?” sirius responded, unsure as to when mary even showed up.

“that girl, you keep staring at her,” she said, lips wrapping around her straw as she also cast a glance at you, giving you the once over.

“no. no, she’s not my girlfriend.”

“i figured, i would’ve been really surprised had you said yes,” mary said with a laugh.

“and why’s that?” he hoped the defensiveness in his tone wasn’t noticeable.

a short laugh escaped her, “it would be like dating a child! james meets the oddest people, doesn’t he? before you got here, she was wearing this hat that was quite literally a birthday cake sprouting from her head, oh my god sirius you would’ve died laughing!”

sirius felt a simmering heat rise in his chest. your slumped posture and wilted disposition, the thought that someone was mean to your face, mean enough to make you clammer into a shell he didn’t even know you had.

“bring the drinks over won’t you, mary?” sirius tossed a few pounds on the bar and made his way over to you without looking back.

sirius halted as he stopped right at you, his tall body looming over yours. his feet must have moved faster than his brain because he had no idea what to say to you now, but you hadn’t noticed him there anyway, still absentmindedly nodding along to whatever the group was talking about, leg bouncing anxiously under the table, hand white knuckling what sirius assumed was the hat mary made you feel bad about.

“oi!” he let out, causing you to flinch looking up at him with wide eyes. nice going.

“sor-sorry,” he cleared his throat, “um,”

“are you alright, sirius?” when you say his name he loves the way it sounds.

“yes, i’m alright,” sirius said, soft in a way you didn’t even know could come from him.

you blinked up at him, eyes wide like you were looking at him from inside a fishbowl. “well… that’s good,” you said in response with a slight smile, confused as to why he suddenly started talking to you.

“don’t listen to mary, alright.”

“w-what?”

sirius sighed and plopped himself back into his seat next to yours, and it took everything in you to not look at how his black jeans hugged his thighs, or get lost in the earthy cologne he always wore. you had no clue why sirius and you didn’t click- and some days it irked you to no end, you had been nothing but kind to him, almost desperate for him to

shoot that charming, intoxicating smirk your way- but it seemed he never thought of you twice. (that still didn’t stop your thoughts from wandering to him and what the heat of his body would feel like if you were pressed against his side late at night under the covers.)

“don’t listen to her, okay? can’t stand to see you so… melancholy… its proper annoying,” he muttered, avoiding eye contact. both of you had heated cheeks.

“i’m not melancholy, sirius. i’m just glad i didn’t make a fool out myself,” you laughed awkwardly.

sirius rolled his eyes and twisted so he faced directly towards you, inadvertently caging you in his legs. your dusty pink flowing over his dark denim.

you felt your breath escape you as he fixed you with a look you’d never seen before, his brown eyes swallowing you completely. “you care too much about what people think,” he said astutely.

“what?” you sputtered.

“you need to toughen up.”

“o-okay?”

“you can’t- you can’t just let people push you around or make you feel badly about yourself.” sirius had no idea where he was going with this.

“i- i don’t feel badly about myself,” he could see right through you.

“oh sure, then why have you been sitting here all slumped over and mopey then?”

“i haven’t been mopey!”

“hmph! you literally look like fucking eeyore right now,” sirius quipped with a huff, his natural, sarcastic demeanor coming back to him, coated in flirtation?

you couldn’t hold back a laugh, leaning further into him, “well we wouldn’t want that, now would we?” you asked quietly, biting your lip.

“no. no we wouldn’t. but its too late now,” sirius said, reaching over your leg and snatching the crocheted hat out from under your leg.

“oh!”

sirius shook it out with flare and shoved it on his head, absolutely fueled with glee over making you smile, not having it in him to resist anymore.

“the birthday cake is mine, you’ll have to find your own.”

“you-look-a-maz-ing,” you said, each syllable punctuated by uncontrollable laughter.

“pads!” james gasped with a drunken squeal.

“what?” he grumbled, turning to his friend, his grumpy temperament back as if it never left, but it was impossible to take him seriously with the bright pink, triple tiered cake sitting on his head and his cheeks ruddy with blossoming, crackling chemistry.

“i’m the birthday boy! that should be mine!” james cried, flailing arms reaching to rip it off his head.

“not a chance, potter!” sirius declared, confidently throwing his arm around the back of your chair. he could feel you watching him from the corner of his eye and with wonderment you leaned further into the crook of his arm.

“sorry jamesie, i’ll crochet you your own, promise!”

[saywhatjessie]

The field is flooded with players and coaches and fans and family and everyone is screaming and hugging and crying and it might be the best Jamie has ever felt.

He and Sam are clutching each other, screaming in each other’s faces that they’d pulled it off. They’d won the Oscar at the Espy’s or whatever Ted had said. Over Sam’s shoulder, Jamie sees Colin rushing up to Michael and they grin as they share a celebratory kiss.

Jamie doesn’t even think. He just reacts – primary objective: protect teammate.

“Sam!” Jamie screams. “Kiss me! Kiss me on the mouth!”

“What!?” Sam yells back.

There isn’t time to explain. People are looking at Colin.

He puts a hand on Sam’s face. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Sam’s eyes are wide but he says “Oh. Okay!” and Jamie leans in and kisses him.

It’s quick. Nothing fancy. Jamie pulls away and pats Sam on the cheek. “Good lad.”

Sam nods, still looking confused but also too hyped up with their win to question him.

There. That should help. But more would probably be better.

They were rushed by more players, Richard coming up on his back and Isaac and Bumbercatch dogpiling on Sam.

Dani cannonballs into Jamie’s side and Jamie tries again. “Dani! Kiss me!”

“Si! Celebracion!” Dani reaches out and pulls Jamie into a kiss. “Football is life!”

“Football is life!” Jamie crows back as they jump around.

“Why are we kissing each other?” Jan Maas asks, even while everyone is still jumping and screaming.

“Celebration, innit?” Jamie asks, reaching up to Jan Maas’s neck. “Get down here you big Dutch giant.”

Jan grins, leaning down and kissing Jamie with way more enthusiasm than Jamie had expected. Jamie returns it, though – a kiss is a kiss.

Colin and the rest of the players have joined their huddle by the time they pull away, so Jamie figures it’s safe to stop kissing people for now. Colin can’t out himself why they’re all climbing on each other could he?

Cries go up and they’re all singing “Richmond Til We Die”. Ted comes in and does his celebration dance and they all lose their minds.

And in the news the next day, no one’s talking about Colin or kissing or anything but Richmond coming out better than anyone thought they would. 

And Jamie forgets all about any kissing that might have happened in the heat of the moment.

That is until their first win of the following season when Jan Maas swoops down and kisses Jamie again on his startled mouth.

Jan is grinning as he pulls back. “Celebration, yes?”

“Cheers,” Jamie says, breathlessly. Jan claps him on the shoulder and moves to kiss Dani, who responds with the same kind of joy.

Jame shrugs. Well, in for a penny.

“Richard!” Dani grabs at the small Frenchman before he can run past. “Kiss me!”

Richard smirks and says something in French that’s probably very dirty but Jamie doesn’t care because he doesn’t understand it.

He does immediately shove his tongue in Jamie’s mouth, though, which Jamie probably should have expected.

He’s laughing as he shoves Richard away. “You prick.”

Richard just winks and moves to jump on Zorro as he passes.

“What the fuck?” Colin asks, looking shocked as he points after Richard.

“Oh, hey Colin!” Jamie grins. “Care for a smooch?”

“What is happening?”

“Come on,” Jamie teases, wiggling over to him. “Kiss me. Michael won’t mind.”

Colin just blinks as Jamie puts a hand on his waist. “Am I dreamin’?”

Jamie winks. “Flatterer.” And he kisses Colin.

Colin’s a little too shocked to kiss back but Jamie’s not broken up about it. It must feel like a dream to kiss Jamie Tartt.

He pulls away with a dramatic ‘Muah!’ and claps Colin on the shoulder as he takes off for the dressing room.

This was the first draft of my Jamie starts kissing people to protect Colin fic, before I decided it would be funnier from Sam’s POV, but I’m still attached to this bit so here you go.

[fallingforel]

Hi can i request prompts 9, 10, 16 & 20 w Brad Simpson? Could be kinda angsty but also fluff please

A/n I've been so slow recently a lot has been going on but I'm slowly working through requests so here it is and lets get on with the showwww 😅😅😅

prompts 9,10,16 & 20 “I could never leave you behind.”, “Come with me.” “Drop the attitude.” “You don’t seem like yourself tonight.”

words: 1,835

It was a great night, Brad performing to a sold out arena show, with his best mates by his side. It was honestly such a pinch me moment for all of us 20,000 people out there tonight. I had been there for all of it, I didn't mean to give them their break It happened when I was working for EMI I mentioned that my boyfriend had a band one day when he asked what my plans was and said that I was watching my boyfriends band performed, he came that night and then offered them a record deal and it just happened in a whirlwind.

But as I was saying it was a good night...until it wasn't Brad had bought out Sabrina, the one girl I didn't get along with. She made it her mission to break me and Brad up, but it didn't work. However when he was up there with her it hurt me because he seemed so in love with her when they were singing together. Ultimately, I knew it wasn't the truth but I'm a chronic overthinker and it's things like this that send me into overdrive with my overthinking.

Brad didn't know I was here tonight, thinking that I had to work late tonight. So that just made it worse, I was genuinely working late but as I work at his record label and everyone knew I was his girlfriend, Kirstie my bestfriend in the workplace, took over my work so that I could surprise him tonight.

However, I still went backstage to congratulate everyone, I still cared and who was I to turn down a drink with my best mates? They deserved it especially after coming down from a tempestuous high. Alcohol and good music in the green room was the best way to do this, so I went to go find them.

"JAMES!" I shouted spotting the tall blonde boy from a few metres infront of me, "Y/N! what are you doing here? Brad told us you were at work." "well I was. But Kirstie took over my work so that I could be here tonight knowing it was your o2 show tonight. You guys did so good!" I said ending my sentence with a bit more enthusiasm than usual. "Kirstie is so good to you, you'll have to bring her to one of our concerts sometime! I know we'd all love to meet her" "Oh James! She'd love that. Not to mention you two would be perfect for eachother!" "well, that gives you even more reason to bring her round. C'mon drinks are calling our names. May I?" He asks politely making a loop with his arm on his hip. Gesturing for me to link my arm in his, which I nod to.

After just a few twists of the hallway we were at the green room and as soon as I opened the door noticing Brad and Sabrina laughing together, all close as well. But, I was soon distracted by Connor and Tris shouting "Y/N!" at me, followed by both of them wrapping their arms around me. After niceties were made I soon had a vodka cranberry passed to me by Brad, followed by a kiss where he went in for the lips but I turned my head, so it landed on my cheek. Brad clearly upset by it said "Drop the attitude, Y/n. It's not the look you think it is" "yeah it is, especially when I'm pissed off at you" which earnt a few oohs from the other lads in the room which made Brad go off to the balcony where Sabrina fled to when I entered the room.

"Hey Y/n" James said sitting next to me, after watching my face drop when Brad left the room to join Sabrina. "You know you have nothing to worry about right?" "really? Cause you say that...but." I say leaving it up for guesses before being dragged up by Connor to join them in dancing to whatever random song was playing.

After a few songs I had to refill my drink it was a bit too empty for my liking. "What did you mean by what you said earlier?" James asks scaring me because I didn't hear him approaching me due to the loud music that was playing right now. "Nothing that concerns you. You have nothing to worry about Jamesy. Brad and I are fine. Dandy in fact."

"You see. You can't get away with saying that you and Brad are dandy because dandy's your truth hiding word." "Truth hiding word?" "Everyone has one... Tristan's is honestly, Connor's is haha, you know that sarcastic laugh he has?" he asks which earns a nod from me. "Thats his. Brad's is fine. And yours is Dandy." "Whats yours?" "C'mon you seriously don't know? I'm your best mate! surely you know!" "Yeah I do, Its okay. You always say it with a frown on your face. THAT'S yours. I was just testing you Jamesy" I say patting him on the shoulder before walking off to rejoin the party. "That's true, you tricked me! You're trying to change the subject! Don't walk off from me!" "JUST DID MCVEY!" I say while putting my middle finger over my shoulder.

As soon as I rejoined the party (just Tristan and Connor) I felt a force pull me down and my arse hit something soft... which was the sofa, and the force being James "now come on tell me, what's really going on with you and Brad?" "fine but not here...out the room" "okay" is all he says before he's pulling me up from the sofa and pulling me out of the room.

"spill." "Ever since Brad met Sabrina they've always been close, she's tried to break us up, It's clear she feels the same way I feel about him. And what was I supposed to think tonight when she was up there with all you, with Brad singing lovingly, him too. At the one concert I wasn't supposed to be at. How do you think that makes Brad look" "Bad..." is all he replies with realising how it all looks.

"like he's cheating on me, and I know he probably isn't but it's the way it looks James. What else am I supposed to think? How else am I supposed to react? like everything is A-okay between us? I think not... I'm never gonna act that way because I'm not what she is." "Which is what?" "fake blonde and fake as fuck...Now let's get back I need Connor and Tristan to bring my mood back up" which earns a laugh from James before we walk back into the room where Brad and Sabrina had now joined them dancing.

"Y/n!" Brad exclaims before he's pulling me into the dancefloor. which I pull away from and slump on the sofa. James joins them though, switching places with Brad who joins me on the sofa. "You don't seem like yourself tonight, Y/n" Is what he says breaking the ultimate silence between us not the room.

"mmh, wonder why you think when you've only been in the same room as me for all of 5 minutes, before running off with SaBrInA" "Oh come on Y/n I went out for air, And she was helping me set up something" "what for the two of you?" "no for you and I." he says which makes me tilt my head to the side in confusion.

"Come with me, I want to show you something" he takes my hand and pulls me off the sofa still holding my hand before dragging me out to the balcony, where it was set up with a little table with a red gingham print table cloth and red wine on either side, fairy lights keeping the light so we could actually see what was going on. "You did all this for me?" "I kinda knew you'd be here tonight, I asked Kirstie if she could get you away, I knew I needed you to not be near me the whole night so I thought I'd act like I was with Sabrina the whole night and act dumbfounded. I needed to set all this up." I shove his side lightly. "You idiot, I hate you," "You love me." "You're right I do. Unfortunately." "OH come on it's not that unfortunate sweetheart." "Damn! why do you have to be right everytime!" is all I say before wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling in for a kiss on his lips.

We stay like that for a few minutes, before he pulls away. "There is actually a reason I did all this though." Is all he says before he drops down slowly onto one knee and pulls a box out of his pocket.

and I'm saying yes before I even realise how old I am, though I don't think it ever mattered between Brad and I how young we are.

⋆｡��✩

1 year later

"I understand you have both written vows, Brad if you'd like to say yours to Y/n first?"

"Y/n ever since we were little I always said that I'd be there through everything even if I didn't understand what it meant just hearing our mums say it to eachother meant it must be important, when we got to 11 I didn't realise I was in love with you until you were on your first date with some guys name I don't remember, then at 14 you confessed that you loved me and thought you always had. What you didn't realise was that every night I was secretly praying to whoever was listening up above to make you in love with me too and it happened. Then at 16 you gave me my big break at your internship with EMI and she thought I would leave her behind. But Y/n darling I could never leave you behind. and here we are at 20 together, 6 long years of us being in a relationship. 20 years of friendship and we've been through everything together, And I'm still going to be here together through everything"

"Brad, where do I even begin? Even though I say James is my bestfriend, you are, you always have been, but you've been more than that. At 7, my mum told me that a husband should be your bestfriend someone that doesn't feel like a chore to be with, someone you'd rather spend time with than be away from. And that's exactly what you've been from the very beginning. Even though we're only 20 right now I know we're it for eachother, we'll be both lasts and firsts and I think that's how we're made to be, together or apart I'll love you forever" Is all I say before he's pulling me in for a kiss and dipping me down. Earning a standing ovation from everyone and making the couples kiss. Safe to say, we bought Kirstie and James together, because front row they were kissing for the first time.

[harrison-abbott]

A Tiny bit of Hope

My brother Alfred had gone crazy in 1999. And he had been Sectioned back then and they were never able to let him out of the ward, for his own safety.

I would go and see him now and then. Sometimes he was chuffed to see me. Other times he didn’t remember who I was.

Alfred still thought that he was in the 90s, as in, he had lost sense of time and thought that he was still a young man who was living in the 1990s. And when I was with him and he was in a good mood, he would sing songs by Radiohead (from The Bends and OK Computer, and nothing beyond the latter) and R.E.M., Blur, Oasis … sometimes even the Spice Girls. Ha.

His musical knowledge hadn’t gone beyond the 20th century.

The doctors weren’t sure how this had happened in his mind. Alfred attracted curiosity from psychologists and other scientific people across Europe, as they were keen to figure out what exactly had gone on his brain. They gave him scans to see if he had brain damage. And they couldn’t find anything physical. Nor could they place him within a certain criteria using the DSM.

So they had to keep him inside. Because he would have these episodes where he would self harm. He tried to hang himself once with his bed sheets and another time he hurled a chair through one of the windows because he wanted to jump out of it (the windows had locks on them so that the patients couldn’t open them, so that’s why he used the chair).

And there were times when I went to visit where he would talk with this manic intensity. Go on these monologues whereby it was hard to follow what he was saying – his thoughts and feelings were all jumbled up. He didn’t know that he wasn’t young anymore or that he had grey hair and moved slower. 

They gave him sedative drugs, and sometimes they totally knocked him out and he could barely speak at all.

But there were also moments when he was Alfred, again. My big brother. I used to play in the woods with him near our home and he had these long shoulders and he’d make me laugh. Him and the other lads from the neighbourhood. I was a bit of a tomboy. The other lads from the neighbourhood were all in their forties now, like Alfred, and they didn’t come to visit him anymore. But, yeah: Alfred still had the gem joke in him.

One day in January 2023 I got a call from my mother. He had passed away in his room. He’d managed to steal a knife from the canteen and had cut his neck and his wrists in there and bled to death.

I recalled, a few years previously, that he said he wanted the R.E.M. song ‘Electrolite’ played at his funeral. He wasn’t being morbid about it or anything, he only mentioned that if there was ever a funeral for him he wished for that track to be played. So that’s what he did. In the small wake he had for him back at the old house where mum and dad still lived.

It’s such an uplifting song that it gave me a tiny bit of hope.

[saints-who-never-existed]

Rereading The Terror

Chapter Twenty-Four: Crozier

It's Christmas-time in the Arctic and the mood is grim. They've had a special dinner of the most-appetising and least-rotted tinned grub that could be found as well as a few bottles of brandy but they've not enough fuel for light or heat so their attempts at cheer and jolly sing-songs don't last long in the freezing darkness.

The mood is slightly more cheery in the officers' mess, however, as Lieutenant Little - the absolute legend - brings out two bottles of whisky he's been hiding for three goddamn years. What a lad!

Also lifting my own spirits in this chapter are the descriptions of the gifts the men have cobbled together for Crozier. Corporal Hopcraft - injured badly in the attack on the hunting blind and presumably with a lot of time on his broken hands - has carved an entire chess set for the Captain which is both impressive and adorable.

It's then on to planning the big festive benjo. Crozier and Little make their way to Erebus to speak to Fitzjames about it all and interestingly, the roles are reversed somewhat and Fitzjames is far, far less hopeful about rescue and survival than Crozier is: "Your men are dyeing sail canvas out on the ice," said Crozier..."...For perfectly good spare sail. Is this acceptable to you, James?" Fitzjames smiled distantly. "Do you really think we shall need that sail again, Francis?" "I hope to Christ we will," grated Crozier."

Fitzjames is also quite sensitive when it comes to the subject of discipline. Crozier points out that the previous benjos they're emulating (with Hoppner, Parry et al) happened much earlier in much more successful expeditions where discipline was still tight enough to prevent absolute anarchy. Nevertheless, they agree that there's no stopping the preparations now and they'd have a mutiny on their hands if they tried.

Some of the descriptions of Carnivale are just as trippy as the show, if not more so. Crozier makes his way through brightly coloured chambers with increasing confusion and anger until he comes to an entirely black chamber with a stuffed polar bear inside. Fairholme - who incidentally, is dressed as a giant rat - professes to have shot the thing the day before, a mother and a cub.

Crozier escapes the madness momentarily and finds Fitzjames outside smoking: "Good evening, Captain Fitzjames. Have you been inside that...that..." Words failed him... "Aye, I have" said Fitzjames, "The men have shown incredible ingenuity, I would say." "Crozier had nothing to say to that. "The question now," said Fitzjames, "is whether their many hours of labour and ingenuity have gone to serve the expedition...or the Devil."

[hezzabeth]

"Revati! What the hell are you doing?" Dityaa cried from where she was propped up on the pillows.

"Saving your life! This woman is obviously some sort of serial killer assassin! She's been nothing but dodgy since I met her," Revati hissed, kicking the cocoon with one foot.

"Your sister's right; technically, I am a serial killer assassin," Paulette chuckled ruefully from the floor.

"She's also my lady-in-waiting," Dityaa said with a grand wave of her hand.

"Your lady-in-waiting?" Revati asked dubiously. Paulette, who was trying to chew her way out of the mushroom cocoon, didn't exactly look like a "lady-in-waiting."

"The women in my family have been protecting princesses of the blood for over half a millennium," Paulette said after she gave up chewing.

"And that's me! I'm a princess," Dityaa said with delight before patting the spot on the bed next to her.

"You've been gone for four years," Revati said, crossing her arms. "I tried to send Amma a letter. I've had so many appliances and people try to kill me; I've had to stay hidden! Actually, how did you find me so quickly?" Dityaa asked curiously.

"I don't think she did; I ran into her and her paramour at the telehub," Paulette said.

"Paramour! You?" Dityaa asked, sounding completely shocked.

"Is that so hard to believe? I've had plenty of paramours," Revati shot back.

"Well, you have mud all over your pants," Dityaa said with a small shrug.

"These are my work pants! Before you got here, I was wearing a red sundress and I looked fantastic," Revati replied before turning to leave.

"Ah, are you going to let me out?" Paulette asked.

"You're a serial killer assassin; I'm sure you can figure it out," Revati snapped back.

Brigadeiro was still sleeping when Revati returned. Revati, who had woken up every hour on the hour since the age of six, envied him. Carefully, she crept back into bed, shutting her eyes. Of course, Dityaa was some sort of magical lost fairytale princess. Revati forced herself to close her eyes, breathing in and out. It was a technique she had perfected years ago when trying to block out distant screams.

Sunlight, warm bright lovely sunlight. Revati, who was used to the faint blue mornings of Mars, blinked with annoyance. Brigadeiro was singing from behind a blue door Revati hadn't noticed before. "Will you miss me, little Buttercup? Said a rustic lad one day, I must go away, and I must obey. Come and kiss me, lift your two lips up, There now, dearie, don't you cry, Hear the bugles calling, It is time to say 'Goodbye.'"

Revati slowly stood up and winced as she took in her filthy disheveled state. Carefully, she knocked on the door, and Brigadeiro stopped singing.

"Are you awake?" He asked before opening the door in a cloud of lavender-scented steam.

Brigadeiro, dressed in a smart sky-blue suit with a navy-blue shirt, dreamily walked past Revati, leaning up to plant a kiss on her cheek. Revati touched her cheek, unsure of what to say or how to react.

"I'm filthy, is there a shower in there?" Revati asked.

"Oh no! We don't waste water on hygiene here! The sterilizing clouds take care of everything and the toilet teleporters," Brigadeiro replied as he tapped a section of the floor with his foot. A wooden panel suddenly shot up, revealing all of Revati's clothing hanging on a metal pole.

"You put my clothes away," Revati remarked.

"I hope you don't mind; you always like keeping the tent neat and tidy, and you were sleeping so peacefully," Brigadeiro explained.

Revati carefully examined her wardrobe. Everything was fresh and clean. The red sundress had a fixed hemline and a silk flower on its collar.

"This is new," Revati said with a small frown, poking the flower.

"Sorry about that; our laundry creatrix has a tendency to add flourishes on its default setting," Brigadeiro admitted.

"It's fine; thankfully, I like flowers," Revati replied, grabbing the dress and some clean underwear.

Revati marched into the bathroom that consisted of something that was hopefully a toilet and a shower. The second she stepped in the bath, it filled with jasmine-scented fog.

"Removing clothes," a neutral voice chimed, and Revati shrieked as her sleep shirt and underwear vanished in a pile of black sand.

"Cleaning skin," the fog chimed, and Revati yelled as the fog gently kissed her bare skin.

"Repairing sun damage and fixing oil glands," the voice chimed.

"What?" Revati cried.

"Just relax and go with it," Bridgadeiro called back.

"Washing and grooming hair," the machine chirped, and the steam seemed to massage Revati's scalp. Suddenly, the entire process stopped, and the steam cleared. The black sand was gone, all that remained was Revati's shirt and underwear neatly folded.

"Amazing! This shower is amazing," Revati yelled at Bridgadeiro.

"Really? My mother will love to hear that! She thinks the cleaning pod is super old," Bridgadeiro called back.

[amethystsong]

2024 Fics in Review

Thanks to @ficwip for the fun ask/review game!!!

How many fics have you worked on since January?

Across all accounts - 54!!

2. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

Using Zalgo/distorted text in my fics for dreams and such!! It was really fun and I enjoyed!!

3. What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

Writing for Love and Deepspace finally let me embrace writing in Second Person POV / X Reader! I've been a reader for so long it was great to finally write!

4.How many fandoms did you write for this year?

4!!! - BNHA, Genshin, Trigun, and Love and Deepspace! Oh and a one shot that had DunMeshi, Campfire Cooking in Another World, and Shield Hero

5.What ships captured your heart?

Oh lord, new ships? Rafayel x MC (Love and Deepspace) and Sylus x MC (Love and Deepspace)

6.What characters captured your heart?

Rafayel (LaDS) and Sylus (LaDS)

7.Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

New fandom and ships were for Love and Deepspace!!

8.What fic meant the most to you to write?

Tough question!

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too- DabiHawks BNHA - Was on the backburner for 2? years I think, dropped it for a ship week, finally got it out over the summer and it was nice coming home to the ship when I was feeling burnt out over it.

Heat of the Moment: The Devil in Camp - Vashwood Trigun- Same situation!! Had fun adding in little details like a newspaper article made on Canva and scratching an ARG itch!

Intertwined - Puzzleshipping, YY x Y, Yu-gi-oh DM - My first ever fandom and ship and my 99th fic on my main account!!

9. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Captivating Hearts - Rafayel/MC/Sylus Love and Deepspace - It was fun to create this OT3 and satisfy my desires!!

Pampered- Sylus/MC Love and Deepspace - It was fun to peg Sylus heheh

Inkpot Gods - Neuvillette/Furina, NeuviFuri, Genshin Impact - Got to indulge in my otome timetravel bullshit and some spite!!

10. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Sweeter Than Sin - Vashwood - Trigun - I was getting a little sick of it lol.

11. What fic was the most difficult to write?

Inkpot Gods - Neuvillette/Furina, NeuviFuri, Genshin Impact - the last chapter really fought me and changed 3 times

12. What fic was the easiest to write?

Honestly? All the LaDS fics because I just let the horny guide me and indulge myself. Also anything with Furina because she is a delight.

13. What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

Intertwined - Shortest- Puzzleshipping, YY x Y, Yu-gi-oh DM - 999 for my 99th fic and the smut position 99.

Sweeter Than Sin -Longest- Vashwood - Trigun - Multichapter at 50K!

14. What were your go-to writing songs?

Music distracts me too much while writing unless it's piano music because I just want to sing and day dream a lot. I go crazy for ambiences though and always have to pull one up.

15. What was the hardest fic to title?

Midoriya Sensei Plans a Party and Gets More Than Expected - Bakudeku, BKDK BNHA - I was totally at a loss

16. What's your favorite title of the year?

It's a toss up between:

Inkpot Gods - Neuvillette/Furina, NeuviFuri, Genshin Impact- because I love The Amazing Devil and I think the song suits them perfectly so I've been itching to use it!

I'm The Villain and I'm Taking An Early Retirement To Live a Good Life! - DabiHawks BNHA - On my villainess manwha bullshit and finally writing it lol

17. Share your favorite opening line

The Last Witch Hunter - Dabihawks BNHA - "I curse you with life!"

18. Share your favorite ending line

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too- DabiHawks BNHA - "After all, she didn’t need to read any minds to know there’s nothing but love here."

19. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Inkpot Gods - Neuvillette/Furina, NeuviFuri, Genshin Impact-

“Please, let me help, Furina. You do not have to shoulder this or any burden alone. Although I am wholly undeserving, I wish to be your partner. To be able to bring you peace and a smile. I can not bear to be apart from you and it broke my heart that you thought I would ever send you away. I should have told you so much sooner, but I thought I would just be interfering with what you truly desired. Please. I vow to show you my devotion and earn your trust and protect you. Just… just let me help. Let me in, Furina. I will not hurt you again.” Neuvillette said, bending on his knee and holding her hand to his head as the water swirled beneath him.

20. Share your funniest line

Honestly I have no clue because I feel like I always have out of pocket funny lines but.....

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too- DabiHawks BNHA"Where is my kid? You went kidnapping without me?" Touya said as he burst into the shop without warning the next morning." Made me audibly snort multiple times soo....

21. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

Uh I fly by the seat of my pants so all the time the characters are fighting me and changing things up constantly lol even with one shots!

22. What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

I hate writing by hand but will do it when I can't have technology. I use Zoho Writer at work, been playing around with Reedsy to format books for bookbinding, but mostly use Google Docs especially with the new Tabs feature to organize multich!!

23. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Inkpot Gods - Neuvillette/Furina, NeuviFuri, Genshin Impact - Got to indulge in my otome timetravel bullshit and some spite!!

24. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

Not for individual fics but when I reach certain milestones I get myself a little cake!!

25. How did you recharge between fics?

I play video games!!

26. Did you create fanworks other than fic?

Not yet! I mean I make Sims, Canva graphics, and Pinterest boards for them. I want to make fannish ambiences like Rafayel painting with you with brush stroke and wave sounds, Vash cleaning his guns with desert winds, or sitting in a tree with Venti and rustling leaves or something! I'd also like to make some AMVs

27. How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

Uhhh 3-4? Exchanges I think, 1 Prompt, 3-5 ship weeks?? Off the top of my head.

28. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

@missgreenkitty @katthepq @vriddy for beta-ing, letting me know of events, and listening/encouraging my bullshit and ideas/theory crafting

29. What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

Lord... uhhh I want to get out a holiday fic, finish the LaDS multichapter, maybe some others....

30. What would you like to write next year?

I still want to write for Hazbin Hotel with X Reader fics, get out some multichapters that I've had ideas for years on, and finish the damn Fantasy Enho fic.

Feel free to comment!! This was a super fun way to end the year for fic writing!!!

[hiraethenthusiast]

"I love you most."| t.h.

pairing: actor!tom x reader

warnings: floof attack.

synopsis: tom gives you the best wedding you could've gotten. he's in love with you madly, that's what he says.

a/n: guess who wants this? i do. i absolutely adore a loving husband no matter what, and i adore heartfelt gifts even more! i hope you all like this fic, this one's really close to me! tpwk everyone!

listen to clinton kane's i guess i'm in love

--------------------------------------------------------------

“So do you, Y/N Y/L/N take Tom as your lawfully wedded husband?” The priest asks you while you and Tom look at him with impatience in your eyes.

“I do.” You say, making everyone cheer and making Tom smile.

“And do you Tom Ho-” “I do!” He shouts before the priest could even complete his sentence, making everyone at the altar erupt into laughs.

“Let him finish bubba” You laugh along, signalling the priest to go on when Tom mutters a small ‘sorry’ to him.

“Do you, Tom Holland, take Y/N Y/L/N as your lawfully wedded wife?” He asks again, while Tom looks at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

“I do.” And everyone cheers once again, and you gently squeeze his hand.

“So I shall now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The priest says lastly before getting off the stage and as if on queue, Tom sweeps you under his arms and holds your waist before pressing his lips to yours. The moment was wholeheartedly content, his and your parents, both with tears in their eyes, even Paddy and Harry shed a few, because the moment was so pure to just not cry at. Tom kisses you as if he was the luckiest man on Earth, like he had achieved something which he thought he could never. He pulls back to look at you beaming with the biggest smile he’s seen on you in years, and smiles to himself once again.

This was the best day of both of your lives till now, and there was no doubt about it.

After 4 years of being together, Tom finally proposed to you, and then forgot where he kept the ring, but you couldn’t care less because the man you were in love with was now, going to be a forever favourite in your lives. And today, he was now your husband from your fiance, and you couldn’t be anymore happier.

You both settle down after roaming from one place to another greeting every guest that had attended your wedding, finally for a drink and some food. Harrison sits right behind you, completing the duties of best man with all his will, and you smile at him. The twins and Paddy come in a bit later, but your eyes are looking for someone else. Where’s Tom? Your question was answered when you hear the clinking of a glass, just to find your handsome husband there.

“May I have your attention please?” He looks directly at you and you blow him a kiss, him pretending to catch it making everyone laugh. Actors.

“Thank you all for attending and being a part of our very wonderful day, I swear you guys are our favourite people” He says while chuckling.

“Today is the day I married my wonderful and stunning lover, Y/N and in recognition of that, I decided to give you the best gift of this evening.” He says, making you wonder what he got for you.

“I remember when Y/N once told me that she always loves heartfelt and handmade gifts filled with love more than people buying her the gift of her choice. She likes the element of surprise, as she likes to say. So Y/N my darling, I thought you might notice and scold me for it but you didn’t, not even once in this 4 year old relationship, and trust me this is going to shock you. I’ve managed to record every important and goofy moment of our lives, from falling on a staircase to the time I proposed to you, I have it all. I’ve compiled them into one sweet video for you, while your favourite singer of them all, Mr. Clinton Kane sings a song for us! Please give him a huge round of applause!” You jerk your head to the place where Clinton enters from, and he waves at you making you wave instinctively as well.

You look back again towards Tom, who was smiling sweetly at your little fangirl moment and continues.

“I’d also like to thank Harrison and Harry for helping me edit this video, because I’m literally so dumb without anyone of these four with me.”

“Can you put the lights out and start the video please?” He asks one of the workers there at the venue, and jogs up to sit down beside you, giving you a small peck while you take a hold of his hand.

And on queue, the lights are dimmed and the video starts to play. You can hear the faint strumming of the guitar that Clinton is currently playing, but you aren’t able to identify the song just yet. You look ahead towards the screen, and your eyes light up when you see Tom dressed up in his wedding tuxedo, you finally realising that this bit was filmed just a few hours ago.

“Hello my lovely wife! Well, I’m filming this part before the ceremony starts but I think I’m pretty certain on showing you this video after we’re married. This was...boring. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the video my love, and don’t hit me when we get home! I love you so so so much, enjoy!” He says before shutting off his camera, while everyone laughs at his goofiness and you glare at him playfully. The video rolls again and you look forward, but suddenly realise the song. It’s ‘I Guess I’m In Love’, you say to yourself. Tom had proposed to you after a few days when the song came out, and somehow on the night of him proposing, this song was played. You labelled it ‘our song’ and he happily obliged. 

“Haz hold the camera correctly for god's sake...” You hear your husband’s voice and move your head towards the screen, smiling brightly.

“Oh I’m obsessed. With the way your head is laying on my chest.” Clinton starts, immediately soothed by the presence of your lover and the melody in your ears.

“I am holding the camera nicely mate bugger off! Nikki taught me well!” Harrison says in the background making everyone giggle.

“She’s coming shut up” 

“What’s this Tom?” You ask him, as he looks at you like a kid in love.

“Y/N”

“Tom” You say in the same manner, feeling anxious by the second.

“So we’ve been dating for 4 years and trust me those have been the most beautiful four years of my life. I know this is so out of the blue, but Y/N Y/L/N, will you do the favour of marrying the person who loves you immensely? A.k.a. Tom?" He says and you laugh. You hold on for a few seconds, looking in his eyes which were filled with desperation.

"Yes" You say and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. He can't stop beaming and searches for the ring in his pocket, only to find out that he didn't have it.

"Oh I'm a mess. When I overthink the little things in my head."

"I have the ring I promise." He says, moving frantically.

"Tom-"

"I swear I kept the ring in my pocket-"

"Tom-"

"How can I be this stupid you probably don't want to marry me anymore-"

"TOM!" He jerks his head towards you as you shout his name.

"It's okay. I just want you right now." You say and he immediately hugs you, the tightest of them all.

The clip ends and you knew the tears were coming very soon, Tom senses the action and rubs your knuckles., giving you a hearty smile.

The second clip rolls in soon, your eyes brightening almost instantly.

"You seem to always help me catch my breath. But then I lose it again, when I look at you, that's the end."

"Why the hell are we on the top of the Eiffel Tower? And why do you want your phone to crash?" You ask him, while he struggles to make a video with his phone while the winds roar at the top of the monument.

"Because I want to remember this moment!" He shouts, making you smile even more.

"My goof"

"Your goof"

"You're lucky I love you"

"I wouldn't have it any other way darling" He says and gives you a quick peck on the lips, this moment too pure to realise.

"Why do I get so nervous when I look into your eyes? And butterflies can't stop me falling for you."

"Now we may invite, a very handsome young lad, who happens to be Spiderman, Mr. Tom Holland!" Harry shouts in the video, while you all pretended to have a grand gala when you couldn't attend Tom's premiere.

He walks in wearing a black tuxedo, his shirt buttons open from the top, looking dashing.

"Thank you for inviting Harold, but please, call the star of today's night." Tom says, making everyone groan about how in love he was with you.

"Patience Thomas. Now may I present, the queen of today's night, Ms. Y/N Y/L/N!" Everyone applauds as you walk down the stairs as you hear your name. You reach the door wearing a red and black dress, the clothing complementing your body more than ever. Everyone seems to keep clapping but your attention is towards that one dummy, who's standing like he's seen a ghost.

"..Oh wow." He's speechless, and everyone knows it. You blush at your boyfriend's gesture and nudge him in the shoulder, as a signal to stop staring.

"I hope you all understand that I scored a jackpot, thank you" He sees and everybody laughs.

You laugh along with the other guests, remembering the faint memory from over two years back. This was one of the most fun nights you've had with Tom. While you laugh at the clip, all Tom can do is stare at you in awe. How did he get so lucky, he thinks. He watches how your face glows when you see someone happy on the screen. He truly was blessed.

"And darling this is more than anything I've felt before. You're everything that I want, but I didn't think I'd find. Someone who was worth the wait of all the years of my heartbreak. But I know now I've found the one I love."

"Please don't go" You sniffle on Tom's shoulder, asking him to stay one last time before his flight leaves for Atlanta.

"If it was in my hands darling I'd never leave your side." He says, trying to hold back tears.

"It's okay, I understand." You say, pulling back and clearing your throat.

"Awh Y/N please don't cry." Tom tries to persuade his emotions by telling you to stop, but a tear falls down his cheeks in an instant.

"I'm sorry." You say, chuckling lightly, making Tom chuckle too.

"I'll be back before you know it."

"I know you will be"

"Please board the flight for Atlanta which leaves at 1330 hours" The flight attendant announces, and you know it's time to let him go.

"Come back home to me soon okay?" You say, wiping your tears.

"As soon as possible"

"I love you" He says.

"I love you more."

"I love you most." You can't argue with that now.

"Bye bubba" You say, giving him one last kiss, a very long one indeed, that left you both searching for oxygen.

"Bye darling" And he leaves to board his flight. You look in the same direction until he disappears and you turn around.

"Harrison, are you crying?"

"No-" He sniffles and you laugh.

You knew you were going to cry as soon as you saw the location. This was one of the hardest moments of your life, letting your lover go away from you for so long, and you weren't ready for that. You wiped your tears while Tom rubbed your hand with one of his, the other cleaning his tear stained face. You look back to see Harrison crying once again, and you laugh a bit at him before giving him your hand for comfort. He really was the best man. You blow a kiss to your family and Tom's, who were currently high on emotions. Even the brothers had tears in their eyes. You really did get the best family.

"And I love the way. You can never find the right things to say. And you can't sit still an hour in the day. I'm so in love, let's run away because us is enough."

The rest of the video were some clips of you and Tom being goofy and so in love, which were a delight to watch. The song played in the background, adding its own special touch, which was necessary to bind this moment together. All these moments which Tom managed to shoot secretly were a lifelong reminder of how much your person loved you. He loved you.

And that is all you need.

The video gets over and Tom looks at you with puppy eyes.

"So, how was it?"

"You're the reason my makeup is ruined and I have mascara stains" You say, laughing while crying.

"That good, huh?"

"That good." You say and he pulls you in for a hug and kisses your forehead.

"I love you bubba"

"I love you more" He says, kissing your cheek.

"I love you most." 

He couldn't argue with that.

"But I know now I've found the one I love."

--------------------------------------------------------------

tagging some friends who'd like to read!

@evanssimpybaby @hollandsmushroom @tomsoxytocin @scarletspideyy @leafy-holland @t-lostinworlds

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (March 1/2021) - Breaking Point

Sam has been unable to find a cause for the security breach, leaving Tommy trapped. A heated argument in the cell escalates to a horrifying end.

As the rest of server mourns, the Eggpire celebrates. With their biggest obstacle in the way of their objective gone, it’s time for the next step.

It’s the start of the Final Stage.

---

VOD LINKS:

HBomb94

Ponk

Tommy

Tubbo

Ranboo

Jack Manifold

Connor

Badboyhalo

Captain Puffy

---

- HBomb hosts Foolish and Jack Manifold’s episode of L’Cast!

---

The Prison Stream

(This portion of the recap will be more detailed than normal since it’s one long conversation and there are many important lines here, including a couple that were hard to hear during the stream)

---

- Tommy’s stream starts with him making sounds and singing “Roadtrip.” Dream tells him to stop, he’s trying to write a book.

Tommy: “What are you writing, Dream? What are you writing?”

Dream: “None of your business.”

- There’s a little gray and white cat sat on the chest. Tommy says it’s annoying.

Dream: “No he’s not...he’s actually the best thing that’s happened to us.”

Tommy: (Trying to lead the cat away) “Come with me, come with me...you know what I named him, don’t you? Pussboy, Pussboy!”

- The cat returns to its spot on the chest

Tommy: “Oh, Pussboy, you are so ugly.”

Dream: “C’mon, you’re being mean!”

(Tommy punches the cat)

Dream: “Tommy! Stop!”

- Tommy starts singing “Roadtrip” in autotune. Dream tells Tommy that if he can be quiet, he’ll give Tommy more potatoes.

Dream: “I think that...the cat is the best thing that’s happened to us.”

- Sam joins the call to say hello and ask how it’s been going. He’s come to drop more food into the cell. Tommy also picks up a new clock.

- Tommy asks to be let out, but Sam says he still hasn’t found out what the security issue is. Dream asks how long Tommy will be in here for. Potentially for a while, but not forever.

- Tommy protests about how bad the prison has been. He threatens to get lawyers on Sam, he knows Big Law.

Tommy: "Sam...you know I don’t deal very well in...close quarters situations for a long time, Sam. Sam, you remember when you visited me in exile, Sam? Alright, this is worse than that, Sam...let me out. I don’t like this. Let. Me. Out. Sam.”

- Sam insists he’s doing the best he can and leaves.

- Dream tries to say that it’s not that bad. He’s been in there for a long time, but now it’s better! Tommy writes a book to Dream, signs it and throws it to him.

Dream: “I have company. I have a cat -- I mean, technically it’s not my cat, technically it’s your cat, but still! It’s just as good, keeps me company when I write and everything, we talk sometimes -- ‘cause you’re annoying a lot of the time--”

- Dream throws away the clock in the lava, saying they don’t need it. Tommy punches the cat again.

Dream: “Tommy, hear me out, hear me out...what if...we get out together, okay?”

- Tommy is not a fan of the idea, Dream shouldn’t be let out too. He goes over to the cat and shouts at it for being in his spot. He punches Pussboy twice.

Dream: “Tommy...TOMMY, STOP!”

Tommy: “Excuse me! Come this way, come this way, excuse me Dream I’m trying to right-click Pussboy--”

(Dream moves to get in front of the cat)

Dream: “Tommy.”

Tommy: “Come here, come here! Do you like this cat, Dream?”

Dream: “Yes, I do.”

Tommy: “Why?”

Dream: “Because he -- Tommy, he keeps me company --”

(Tommy punches Pussboy again and leads him towards the lava)

Tommy: “Pussboy, this way. Pussboy, this way. Let me show you the light--”

Dream: “He’s probably low, he’s probably low!”

Tommy: “Oh what, you love him? Do you love him? Do you love him?”

Dream: “Yes, I do...Tommy, he’s made things better in here -- okay listen! When you leave, can you sit him down and leave him here?”

(Tommy goes over and punches Pussboy again. He tries to lead Pussboy away again, but when the cat doesn’t come he punches Pussboy twice more, killing him)

Tommy: “Yeah. And that’s what happens when you love something, bitch.”

...

Tommy: “See, now when I leave, when I leave, you’ll have nothing! ‘Cause you are lonely, and you’re m-m-manipulative, you’re a fuckin’ twat, and I mean that.”

Dream: “Tommy...I’m gonna get out! And you just motivated me -- you motivated me all the time, you just -- that was hope, right? The cat was hope -- the cat was hope that I could live a nice life in here--”

Tommy: “And now it’s dead, now it’s dead.”

- Dream insists that he’ll get out, and when he does, he’ll get his revenge on everyone who wronged him. Tommy asks if he’d kill Tubbo. 

- The subject goes back to Dream’s plan of escape.

Dream: “I have a plan. And the thing is, Awesamdude’s never gonna believe you that I have a plan because he thinks it’s unbreakable, unescapable--”

“I have a plan. And you know, there’s a certain someone who owes me a favor, but -- that might be a part of it, but...I do have a plan.”

- They argue about the conditions of the prison again. 

Dream: “I’ve been in here a for hundred times longer than you, and you sit there trying to tell me that it’s so horrible, that it’s so bad -- yeah, it was! But guess what, we have each other to talk to, and we had a cat until you fucking killed it!”

Tommy: “Dream...Dream, and listen to this -- fucking engrave this on you, write this into your arms, Dream...You don’t have me. You’ll never have me. We don’t have each other, alright? I am me, and you are this fuckin’ loser who goes around manipulating people, lying to get what he wants. You are a fuckin’ no one, man, alright? And when I’m going to leave here, you’re not! You might have a favor -- you think, who is it, Technoblade’s gonna be able to come in here to let you out -- Technoblade, he doesn’t like governments, but he likes self gain! You think he wants to piss off the owner of the most POWERFUL building on the entire server, just so that he can get a video that BARELY scrapes the five million view mark -- NO, Dream, alright? You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you’re deluded, you’re delusional, and I fuckin’ hate you.”

Dream: “Okay...yeah, but I have something Techno would want, so...it means knowledge, alright?”

- Dream says that even when he’s in here, he’s more powerful than Tommy outside. Tommy replies that if he wanted to, he could kill Dream right now. The only reason he doesn’t is because they need the revive book.

- Dream says that he will never use the revive book to help Tommy or his friends. Ever.

Dream: “So kill me. Go ahead, come on.”

- When if Tubbo dies, Dream says, they’ll come begging for Tubbo to be revived, and Dream will ask to be let out.

- Tommy then says that this isn’t worse than exile, because in exile, Tommy thought Dream had all the power, and Tommy knows something...he thinks the revive book isn’t real. Jschlatt was just a drunk, why would he have this book?

Dream: “Jschlatt gave me the book -- why else would I switch to Jschlatt’s side?!”

...

“I’m not lying! Jschlatt gave me a revive book after...before he died....because...he said--” (he cuts off here)

- Dream asks why he would be lying about that.

Tommy: “You’re a liar! You’re a liar, and really, through your Netherite armor and skin, I look at you and you know what I see? I see a sad little man who’s insecure about the fact that this server has gotten so far ahead of him that his only little glimpse of power in this world is gone. And I see an insecure, sad little man. So fuck off. You stupid green lad.”

Dream: “Your life...is literally in my hands. Does that piss you off? Does that make you mad? Does that make you so mad that I -- if you kill me -- I MIGHT AS WELL BE A GOD, TOMMY! YOU CAN’T KILL ME, AND I CAN KILL YOU! So what does it mean, that you can’t kill me because of the revive book -- what does that mean? If you can’t kill me, does that make me some kind of god?”

Tommy: “No Dream. I could kill you right now. If I wanted to.”

Dream: “Okay. But you won’t. But you won’t! I could kill you if I wanted to! I could kill you right now, actually.”

...

Tommy: “I don’t think this revive book is real. Schlatt? He’s fuckin’ dead. I’ve seen his grave! His grave is real, his corpse is there!”

Dream: “Okay...Why don’t you go see him then?”

Tommy: “NO -- stop it stop it stop it st--”

--- ---

CANON DEATH: TOMMY

Cause: Punched to death

--- ---

End of stream.

---

- Tubbo, Ranboo and Jack see Tommy’s death message in game chat.

- They go to the prison and Sam is there to tell them what happened. Sam couldn’t get there in time. He didn’t think Dream would actually kill him. They’re all in shock. 

- Tubbo and Ranboo think Tommy will be back. There’s no way he’s actually dead, right? 

- Jack Manifold is in celebration. He got what he wanted! He thought Dream would want Tommy alive, and killing Tommy himself would be an extra jab in the chest for Dream, but apparently not? And now he has a hotel!

- He decides to check on Tubbo and makes sure he’s okay. 

- Jack walks down to the shore and looks up at the prison, and...it hits him. He’s spent months plotting to kill Tommy. Jack realizes his victory feels hollow. Even now, Tommy and Dream have managed to take away this from him. 

- Of Ze Haus, he says that this place no longer means anything to him. He gets a flint and steel and sets it alight, watching it burn.

- He passes by Tommy’s house and finds Ranboo planting red and white flowers outside.

- Jack switches into his L’manburg uniform and walks along the Prime Path.

Jack: “I remember the day I joined the server. The day after the first war. L’manburg was still a big hole, and we built it up. And Tommy invited me to join. And I betrayed him (laughs), so really this has all come full circle.”

“Maybe I was always really just upset because I always felt like he cared more about the discs than...anyone. And I guess I just enjoyed it when we were friends...and...I’ve not really had any friends...since...then, really. Never really wanted any.”

- Jack later speaks with Foolish and tells him that Tommy’s never coming back from prison. Foolish didn’t know him too well, but he’s still a bit sad. When anyone passes, it’s sad.

- Jack heads back out into the wilderness, wandering to the beach area at the edge of the forest where Quackity had his argument with Badboyhalo a while back. There’s something just beyond the hill.

- Quackity meets him there and escorts him back home, telling him he was heading too close to something, could have gotten “a nice view of it.”

- He’s been thinking of writing up a draft of their contract. He also sees the new McPuffy’s.

- Jack tells Quackity that Tommy’s not in the prison anymore. Quackity says they need to talk to him and make sure Jack keeps his hotel. As the rain pours, Jack tells him. Tommy didn’t make it.

- Quackity and Jack have a moment in front of Tommy’s house. Though upset, Quackity says it’s time to get back to work.

Quackity: “Jack...don’t let this affect business. The train doesn’t stop.”

Jack: “No, it only goes faster.”

- Jack also speaks with Antfrost. Antfrost gives his condolences, and says he’ll put together a celebration “of life.”

Ant: “Bad and Sam will be happy...to attend, of course!”

- Afterwards, Jack heads down into Karls nightclub and ends stream there.

- Connor speaks with Sam Nook at the hotel.

- Bad meets Ant at the Holy Land. Ant asks if the church would be a good place for a celebration. Ant sits Bad down to tell him. Bad is overjoyed. 

- Bad says that now, they don’t even have to do any preparations: 

They can move into the Final Stage.

- They get milk for the cake and decide to throw the party at Tommy’s house!

- They meet with Sam at the prison entrance. He sounds dejected.

Sam: “I didn’t think Dream would ever actually...try and kill him”

Bad: (laughs) “Is this the same Dream we’re talking about? It’s Dream, Sam.”

Sam: “I mean...Dream had...I thought I had...broken the will out of him, to do something like that. But he...he did.”

- He says they need to find out what it was -- he wandered around the prison several times and couldn’t find any sign that someone had done something.

- Ant and Bad try to reassure Sam that Tommy signed the waivers, he went to see Dream, and Sam shouldn’t blame himself. Sam doesn’t see it that way.

- They say they’ll talk to Sam later and leave the prison. They see Sam Nook at the hotel. Sam is excited about the new upgrades for the hotel! Tommy will be so excited to see them!

- They return to Tommy’s house and speak with Punz as they make a party floor and sing the Crab Rave song in dudududus.

- Meanwhile, Captain Puffy is grieving, feeling like she failed Tommy. As she logs on, Bad and Ant decide that Puffy might want to join them for the party! 

- Punz meets them there, and they tell him that Tommy’s dead. Punz isn’t sure how he feels, it’s bittersweet.

- Puffy arrives and angrily tells them to leave. What’s wrong with them?!

- The Eggpire sees Sam Nook at the hotel and goes up the floors to find a place to party. Puffy comes up and tells them to find another place to party. They argue again.

- Foolish arrives to visit his room in the hotel. Puffy leaves them. They quarrel about who has the room for the night.

- Puffy mines down the Eggpire’s meeting room. She’s noticed that being a hero hasn’t worked. Sparing people, being merciful, it hasn’t worked. She might need a change of perspective. 

- The Eggpire decides to visit the Egg and break the news to it. They see the wreckage, but Puffy is in the Nether by the time they get there.

- Puffy visits Logsted.

- The Eggpire goes down to the Egg Room and finds the pathway blocked up with obsidian...is this why the Vines have been slower to grow lately?

- They break the barrier and find the Egg drenched in water. They wake up the Egg and it speaks.

“This world is mine. It belongs to me.”

“No no no, I know, but we’ve got something to tell you!”

“I see all...I...am...all...”

“Oh so you--”

“I know all.”

“You know then! Guess -- well, we’ll tell you anyway in case you don’t know -- but guess what? Tommy’s dead! Dream -- the green guy, you met him -- killed him in the prison! I guess Tommy got stuck there, and Dream killed him! Are you happy?"

“Feed me...I require nourishment.”

“No no no, don’t worry -- that’s coming soon! We’ll take care of that! We’re already gonna begin the preparations, right guys? Yeah, we’re gonna begin the preparations, and we’ll send out the invitations, we’ll let everyone know...and the final stage can commence! This is wonderful!”

- Once on the surface, Bad announces that with a little more preparation, they’ll all get exactly what they want. The final stage is about to commence. 

The day of celebrations, the day they’ve been preparing for, the day the Egg has been preparing for, is about to happen...

- Bad goes down to the Egg Room one last time and stands at the Egg to give a final speech.

“Everything leading up to this point, EVERYTHING, all the way going back to the discovery of this...beautiful, luxurious Egg, okay...we had it all planned. As soon as we found it, we knew what was gonna happen. We knew the objective...”

“We may have forgotten what it was, forgotten the ultimate goal as soon as we boxed the Egg up in obsidian. But guess what -- that didn’t stop the Egg! Boxing it up only made it STRONGER, and LARGER, and more powerful! And the Egg’s been storing up that energy, okay? You may have been thinking the Vines have not been spreading...but that’s because we haven’t WANTED them to spread. We have been working, storing energy, storing power...in preparation for the final plan. The final objective. And there were only a couple people getting in the way. But guess what? One of the biggest obstacles -- Tommy -- is no longer in the way...now that he’s not in the way, we can commence with the final stage...the final party...before it all comes to a conclusion...”

“Brace yourselves...everybody on this server, prepare. Anyone who is anti-Egg...you guys better get ready, because we know who you are. And at the end of the day, the Egg is gonna be victorious. And there’s nothing ANYBODY can do to stop it.”

“Good luck.”

[space-blue]

An Overview and timetable of Silco & Vander's relationship & their shenanigans

Brought to you by someone getting exasperated as she tries to write their past.

First off, I'd like to think that they had their fallout well before the bridge attack. They don't show if Vander is using a vambrace yet (crafty bastards) but he looks much slimmer and younger to me in the drowning scene, besides being clean shaven.

Putting a break here because this is one long ass analysis and hair pulling session.

See how the bottom pic looks like a raging oversized 18/20 yo lad while the top one is a well bearded dude in his thirties?

Obviously Vi goes from being 12ish to being 16 tops from the Bridge to the start of the show, so even being generous and saying the show starts 5 years after the Bridge, that's a very short time for a twenty-something to get a full pepper and salt beard and get comments from people saying they "expected someone younger".

Vander and Silco both are in their late thirties or early forties IMO in act I. The drowning scene is 100% not happening between men in their thirties.

Then there's the element of Vander's attitude. I love the pics above that contrast POV of people weaker than him, who he's towering above with total power. Mood is really not the same... But consider the pictures below instead.

On the Bridge we see Vander rubbing 2 neurons together and realising "fists bad" (I'm having a laugh don't come at me). Would you say this is a Vander who will go home, clean shave, and then go chase Silco down into the harbor so he can wring his neck?

This, IMO, proves that the peace with Grayson had nothing to do with their falling out.

When Vander is captured, his dialogue with Silco reveals a lot.

Silco says he hated him "But as time passed, so did my hate" — and that Vander kept his respect "until you made peace with them"

Yet he also speaks of "their dream of freedom" [insert commie bugs bunny our dream meme here] and the vision they shared. Vander was left to make peace alone. That sentence doesn't include Silco at all.

This to me reveals that Vander injured him (in his drowning attempt) and made it clear he'd be killed on sight, or deterred him in some other ways to rejoin the movement, which was helmed by him until he alone made the decision to "make peace with the enforcers".

So an unclear amount of years go by during which Silco's eye and face get worse, he's ostracized from his own movement (don't @ me, the dude's a zealot and Vander was the "beast" of the underground. I'll bet you my last dollar it was Silco's gig and Vander was the hired muscle turned best bro to dream with), he meets and befriends/hires/gets Singed on board, and amasses funds somehow. Silco loses everything in episode III's blast, his whole haunted Fish Market is up in flames. Yet the elf brothel madam says he arrived on the scene with a lot of money.

Silco isn't a rich pest though, he's never shown to indulge in anything beyond cigars. Homebro squats on the top floor of the Last Drop when he clearly is more well off than the chembarons he bullies, and he doesn't even bother keeping his carpet straight! He's got one pastoral painting on the wall to do the status thing, and finally affords a nice coat and cigars.

So Silco has been getting busy in his years post drowning, probably realising that the "dream of freedom" he now carries alone will actually get nowhere with politics, and he ought to take the ruthless business angle instead.

ANYWAY, back to that convo.

Vander says Silco had the LANES' respect, and HIS respect. But that it "wasn't enough" — given Silco's earlier reply around the word respect we can assume that what Silco wanted was the respect of Piltover for the Lanes, if not for him.

So Vander is thinking still in terms of "I am respected and it's enough as I keep my people in line and hold the peace and nobody dies". While Silco doesn't want to hold that sort of power/respect. He seems to disdain the chembarons and much of everyone else. All he wants is independence. His eyes glimmer when he talks about the Nation of Zaun and his crazy daughter in act III and that's pretty much it. No one else really computes emotionally. He's clearly wanting a concept and not looking at the individual people he has to sacrifice to achieve it.

It's what Vander reproaches him, saying he'll get people killed and that "this isn't the way" [mandalorian nod of disapproval]

So Silco might well have been the head of their movement, if not a duo with Vander. He harps about loyalty in act 3 with Sevika and says to Vander in ep. 3 :

"Do you even remember (our commie dream)? I trusted you. And you betrayed me."

Which implies Silco was the one in the position of power, giving his trust to Vander and Vander not remaining loyal. While they have the brother thing going on, it's not "we trusted each other and you betrayed me". It's I trusted YOU and YOU betrayed ME.

Vander doesn't even protest (or address the betrayal, because the creators want us to fucking suffer)!

But like, scroll back up guys. Who the hell was Vander, that he tried to drown his own brother this fucking hard?

"The hound of the underground" was drowning his brother (and getting regrets later) and punching enforcers to death until very recently.

In episode 1 Vander tells Benzo "We both know there's worse things than enforcers out there" while patting his vambrace for his scar of shame lol

I find that very fresh, like, hello my guy, you remember you got that while trying to drown your "brother", an act you actively regret? Is what's worse than enforcers you or what?

All jokes aside, this implies an ongoing situation. IDK if Vander and Benzo know about shimmer or even about Silco subletting his fishbowl basement to Singed, but they're clearly aware that Silco is out there operating on a deeper level, and being "worse than enforcers".

I wonder what he means by that, as we see no proof of Silco doing anything negative until he sweet talks Deckard into drinking Singed's cursed hot sauce, while enforcers are throwing people through windows into buildings and beating them up, stirring unrest (and making Vander look weak) ((thanks Vi)).

So what the fuck happened?

I really wish I knew and I guess I'll have to write the fanfic to get there. My main theory is rather too reminiscent of Arc I's plot to feel deep enough to honour the show.

What we know so far then : Silco was a well known and respected leader of the Lanes, helming a revolution, sharing a goal of an "Nation of Zaun" with the "Hound of the underground" Vander.

SOMETHING went wrong.

Vander lost his shit and tried to kill Silco. He then most likely took over the movement, pushed sick/recovering Silco out, and given how his name isn't even whispered, I wonder if word on the street wasn't "mention Silco and you'll eat some steel", leading to people never really mentioning him or inquiring about where the fuck he was (hence Vi and co. not knowing him at all, as the fallout would probably even predate their memories or birth).

Silco staying in the Last Drop for years from the moment Vander dies also gives me the sweet headcanon that he once lived there or (co-)owned it. He could be using it as a symbol of taking over Vander's power, but tbh what does that really amount to? By act II he's already bossing every last chembaron around, he doesn't need to stay on top of a nightclub. I think he does cuz he's a bit of a sap and the place was once important to him. Just like him being the big rich man of the Lanes means that he either paid for Vander's statue or has left it alone when he could have had it removed.

Anyway, omg the amount of segways... The only hint we have of Vander's power (besides his talks to the room in the Last Drop and the fact Grayson only negotiates with him) is when talking to Benzo, who says :

"You're a little early, my guys are still rounding up this month's collections, won't have number until next , um—"

Collecting money? What is this, a yakuza business? Or a monthly run for charity? I wish I fucking knew lol But we know Vander > Benzo > "guys" > everyone else. WTF is this, someone explain this scene to me please.

Vander's personality and arc puzzle me a fair bit. He seems to go from an extremely violent man capable of acting mindlessly, while STILL a respected leader, to someone who tires of violence and makes a deal with the popo, and goes on to maintain a bit of a flimsy peace that crumples at the first disturbance (I'll maintain Vander's peace was not smart as it had no strength, no back up or duration beyond his own life/presence).

I can well accept that the bridge attack was the final drop in the man's bucket, but what on earth triggered Vander's bloodthirst against pipsqueak best-bro Silco?

Clearly they both have monsters inside of them, but ironically Vander seems to have tamed his after he unleashed Silco's.

Silco's little speech to Deckard hints that the "very important secret he learned when he was about your age, boy" *taps taps knife blade under his one good eye yeesh you drama queen I LOVE you* is indeed the lesson taught by Vander.

"Power goes to those who'll do anything to achieve it," is a diluted version of his longer speech in episode 3 about needing to be feared to defeat a stronger enemy.

It's possible those are two different lessons learnt at different times, and he's only tapping a knife to his eye to be extra, but if it isn't, it seems to imply that he didn't let out any "monster" until after his fight with Vander. So. what. the. fuck. happened.

Also poor Deckard is maybe 18?? And got his ass handed to him by Vi like yesterday. So Silco was definitely a late teen, early twenties when he got his baptism.

Right, those are my thoughts. I have a theory, which I'm going to explore in my Silco centric fic... But like I said above it feels too easy. I'm extremely curious about y'all opinion on what went down between them. If you have theories please share, I don't see their relationship discussed nearly as much as I expected it to be!

Also don't @ me about Silco eating the last slice of cake, Silco always eats the last slice of cake.

Parting thoughts :

"Brothers"

There's nothing more intimate than a stabbing, and Silco not having a gun is wild, considering the likelihood Vander will get to wring his neck again. He really wants this to be up close and personal.

ALSO, Vander is the only person Silco kills himself (or tries to). He loses his shit later and kicks people, threatens, has Deckard kill a bunch of people while he stands there... But Vander he has to penetrate with a sharp object himself. Torrid.

Fun to consider how the "puncher" Vander never tried to punch Silco, not once. He grabs him, holds him, and chokes him. Come on, one punch to the guts by Vander and Silco would be snorting his entrails. These two really should have gotten a room.

Whatever went down, it was personal.

[koolkat9]

GerEng Week 2022: Day 2

@gereng-week

Prompt: Sleep Deprived || Injury/Illness

Rating: T

Pairing: GerEng

Word Count: 1032

Author's Note: This takes place during WWI there is a temporary character death, but he comes back so It's all good. And yeah. I think that's it for warnings.

Hold my Hand Until it's Over

Arthur couldn’t tell how long they had been stuck there. It had to be at least days given the switch from bleak grey and inky black then back again to grey. But he couldn’t tell an exact number--he had stopped keeping count after three.

He was surprised Ludwig was still conscious beside him. The German had been fatally shot just before they tumbled into this sinkhole in the middle of No Man’s Land. But despite the coldness, the wetness, and the pain, Ludwig was still breathing.

Arthur sniffed. Great, he was getting a cold now. Just what they needed on top of Ludwig’s injuries. Not to mention, he was certain infection was setting in on the German given his feverish skin and dazed eyes.

“It’s going to be fine lad,” he assured Ludwig (though it was just as much for himself), “J-Just a little longer.”

Neither of them had slept during their time in the pit. Arthur couldn’t, knowing that at any moment he could be found by the enemy or hit by a stray bullet or grenade. He also couldn’t let Ludwig sleep. There was no telling if he would be able to wake again once his eyes fluttered closed. Luckily Ludwig seemed to have similar thoughts given how willing he was to stay conscious.

“I can’t…I-It’s…” Ludwig let out a hiss of pain when he tried to turn towards Arthur.

Arthur gently put a hand to his chest, stilling him. “I know…I-I know.”

Arthur looked over the young nation who he was supposed to call 'enemy'. His jaw was held tightly in a never-ending grimace. His skin was red from fever, but the mud covered most of it. He was shaking, and Arthur couldn’t tell if it was the cold or an infection. He cuddled closer to Ludwig, trying to stop the tremors, even if it was just a little.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have fought so hard to keep Ludwig conscious. Death would have been much more peaceful than this, and it wasn’t like it was a permanent state for their kind.

“Hey, Lud? Sleep…It’ll be okay. I’ll keep watch.”

“Arthur?” Ludwig gritted out.

“Don’t worry. Whatever happens…You’ll be alright.”

“I…” Ludwig swallowed hard. “I don’t want to die.

Arthur bit his lip. Even with all his experience with young nations, the topic of death had never been an easy one. “It’s…It’s not so bad. Not any worse than the pain you’re in now. And you’ll come back all healed.”

“Have you ever died before?”

“Yes…Many times.”

Ludwig’s head fell onto Arthur’s shoulder. “I-I haven’t.”

“It will be alright,” Arthur choked out, “I’ll make sure of it.”

A small glint returned to Ludwig’s eye for a split second. Hope. That’s what Arthur would call it. He smiled slightly.

“Okay,” Ludwig breathed, “May I make a request?”

“Of course.”

“Can you hold my hand?” Ludwig’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. How could Arthur deny him?

“Of course lad.” He took Ludwig’s hand and squeezed it. “Is this good?”

“Mhm.”

It became silent, save for the occasional fire of a gun. This was no way to send Ludwig off. Softly, Arthur began singing, old lullabies and other songs that he often used to comfort Matthew and Alfred and songs that were once used to calm him when he was a child. He kept a tight grip on Ludwig’s hand, singing away until Ludwig’s eyes fell closed, and his breathing slowed until there was no breath left.

Arthur pushed back Ludwig’s messy bangs. “Sleep well Ludwig,” Arthur murmured, wiping a few stray tears away.

—

When Ludwig came to, the first thing he noticed was how stiff he was. He tried to wiggle his fingers, and with some effort, he got them to move slightly. There was a dull pain, but compared to how he felt before, it was nothing. And at least he was warm.

Wait.

There was no smell of death, no chill of cold, no wetness of mud. Instead, he was wrapped in a blanket, on a bed (not the most comfortable, but far better than the cots in their dugouts) with light streaming through.

He slowly opened his eyes and found himself, not in the hole in the middle of No Man’s land, not in a dugout, not in a medic tent, but instead in an actual hospital.

“You’re awake!” someone exclaimed from the door.

Though his body didn’t want to cooperate, Ludwig managed to turn towards the door and find none other than Arthur standing there, far cleaner than when he saw him last and dressed in a pristine suit instead of a bulky military uniform.

“Arthur?” Ludwig croaked.

Arthur grinned wide, rushing to Ludwig’s bedside, and kneeling beside him. “Yes. Yes, it's me, Ludwig. Can you hear me?”

“Ja…What…How are you–”

“The war is over, lad. We’re free.”

Free. He had to be dreaming. The war seemed to be a never-ending hell of death, guns, air full of sickness, and other stenches. But here he was, with Arthur, in public, in a proper bed (more or less), clean and not a sound to be heard other than their breath. “How long was I out.”

“A month or so.” Ludwig reached for Arthur’s hand, Arthur meeting him halfway and giving it a squeeze.

“I-Is this real?” Ludwig asked.

“I know, it took me a while to believe it too. But I assure you. It’s all over. We’ve been in talks. Nothing is set in stone. I’ve been trying to push that we wait until you wake up…but so many are tired and just wanted to get started. But I’ll catch you up, and we’ll figure everything out.”

Another question slowly crept its way into Ludwig’s head, but when he met Arthur’s eyes, so vibrant and full of life, he couldn’t bring himself to ask the painful questions. After all, he had a feeling he knew the answer already. He was the one in the hospital bed, not Arthur.

Ludwig cracked a small smile. "Okay…I trust you.”

Arthur squeezed his hand. “Now…Rest. Resetting your body like this isn’t an easy process.”

“Will you stay?”

“Of course, I will.”

With Arthur’s hand in his, Ludwig nodded off into peaceful, restful sleep.

[swimmingleo]

Harry Styles and Two Loves - A love that dare not speak its name.

‼️Disclaimer I am in no way an English literature expert or student for that matter and can barely organize my thoughts but I’ll try my best. If something doesn’t make sense or is regretful thinking please tell me‼️

Basically Harry is a fervent reader that does not limit himself to Buk*wski and Mur*kami though for some reason he loves to bring up those dudes. Queer literature seems to play a big role when it comes to his inspiration and I love that about his music. A good example is his Shakesqueer Sweet Creature madness. But another one that I hold close to my heart are the parallels he draws with Alfred Douglas’ poem, Two Loves.

Here is the full poem. Give it a read if you can because I won't break it down verse by verse for this post sorry :(

To make it short, the poem is about the narrator (let's say Douglas) wandering in a garden where he meets a young man that turns out to be his lover. For context, Alfred Douglas was very much queer and in a romantic relationship with Oscar Wilde. Both developed their own coded language to express their love and ''sexual tendencies'' through their art (been this way foreverrr will we ever leaarn). However they were not always so sneaky about it and Two Loves in particular was so in your face that it was used against Wilde to prove his homosexuality in trial. He did get away with it this time. Here is his defense. Blueprint of denials. No iPhones at the time.

In Two Loves, two different personifications of love introduce themselves to Douglas and his lover:

The first love is loud and cheerful and sings about pretty women and men that love the said pretty women.

The second love is discreet, almost erased by the other’s presence but is beautiful and draws the attention of the narrator.

Obviously the first love is Heterosexuality, the one that is openly praised by society and the second is Homosexuality who is bullied into silence by Heterosexuality if he tries to speak. The poem ends with Homosexuality saying "I am the love that dare not speak its name." Yeah. And isn’t that the story of H’s career.

HS1 opens with MMITH which ends on "We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do". And from there follows SOTT, "We don’t speak enough". And right after we get the very loud, very explicit and very well documented Carolina. So far the album narration goes "There is something painful going on but we can’t talk about it, I say ‘we’ because there is a you and I and yeeEEAAH THIS GIRL I MET ONCE GETS A WHOLE SONG THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW HOW GOOD SHE FEELS FOR A LADDY LAD LIKE ME ALSO HER NAME IS TOWNES YOU CAN CHECK FOR YOURSELF SEE IF SHES REAL I LOVE REAL WOMEN AS IN WOMEN THAT EXIST". Heterosexuality is loud and sings about pretty women right.

But then, THEN we get Two Ghosts. Which is the center piece of this whole post. I mean, the title... Two Ghosts//Two Loves Two hearts in one home ? Sick.

The parallel that hits the most is the physical description that is made of Douglas’ lover and of Homosexuality (which are technically two different characters in the poem).

Douglas’ lover / Homosexuality

Same lips red / Same eyes blue / Same white shirt

Red were his lips / His lips were red / His eyes were clear as crystal / His large eyes were strange with wondrous brightness / White as the snow / His cheeks were wan and white

In Douglas’ poem, it is meant to be understood that the young boy he meets first, his lover, is related to Homosexuality through their physical appearance. Douglas’ love is therefore inherently queer. With Two Ghosts, I’ve always wondered why Harry chose specifically to point out a white shirt as it comes across a bit generic and not really personal yk? But if you compare it to Two Loves, it checks out the recurrent descriptive color scheme: red, blue and white. In both works, red are the lips, blue are the eyes, and white is the ~envelopp. RIGHT. I suppose Harry didn’t feel like describing his lover with pale white skin since it’s brown with lemon over ice when under summer skies so he went with a plain white shirt instead.

I’m not going through a whole analysis of Two Ghosts yet I can safely say that it deals with unspoken words. Not saying things is a recurrent theme in H’s songwriting but within the album, Two Ghosts is the first song that deals with it through the undeniable prism of romantic love. Right before with Carolina, H had no issue being straightforward and wanted to "scream and shout it out", but with Two Ghosts he’s tongue tied and doesn’t say what he really means. Communication issues go on with the following track Sweet Creature, btw may I just:

But oh, Sweet Creature (!), Sweet Creature

Would he […] cry "O sweet creature!", Othello

I cried "Sweet youth…, Two Loves

Queer Literaturry is going wild(e).

Expanding this post with Sweet Creature allows me to speak about the garden metaphor. In lyric poetry, the expression of emotions is often done through nature. It is a process that Harry seems pretty fond of when singing about love (ie Olivia, Adore You, WS, Canyon Moon and Sunflower are good examples) but it’s way more subtle with TG and SC. In Two Ghosts, nature is the moon, and in Sweet Creature it’s the garden.

Would you look at that, Two Loves happens to combine both:

Moon dances over your good side and this was all we used to need, Two Ghosts

Running through the garden oh where nothing bothered us, Sweet Creature

Flowers that were stained with moonlight / Alone in this fair garden, till he came unasked by night, Two Loves

For Harry, the night is where the moon enhances his lover’s beauty, when it’s just the two of them and they need nothing more than each other. The garden is where they run (free?away?), once again alone, unbothered. For Douglas, Homosexuality took form and began to occupy the garden at night, while Heterosexuality who thrives in the golden light (um I- nvm) wasn’t paying attention.

It is also interesting to note that Homosexuality is associated with the night but also with death. And he’s super pale. So like… A ghost ? ANYWAY.

The garden in Two Loves is where love happens, it is a piece of heaven. It’s elevated on a hill and untamed with flowers of various colors growing everywhere. There is sunshine and moonlight, there are "pools that dreamed" and by pools I assume the author means vernal pools which are habitats where flowers grow and oh look over there:

Nice ruffles on that white shirt by the way. Very Victorian.

Two Ghosts, 2017 Mularry so true

So yeah. I don’t want to go into full analysis mode but I find it all interesting. Once again, Two Loves holds a great significance regarding the Oscar Wilde’s lore, and Harry is probably very familiar with anything Wilde related (don’t even start) and by that I think about the Carnation business.

I’ll just conclude with that quote from Maurice by E.M Forster whom I love very much:

"I am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort."

[boldbrash-fandertrash]

Ignore me, unless I’m right in which case I fucking called it

So I was rewatching the episode for the fourth time and one I realized that Remus is much much smarter than we give him credit for and two I can generally predict how the rest of the story is gonna go.

We’re gonna have another aside video with Patton and Janus before the big season finale, and that aside is going to be one of the most important videos to the general progression of the plot.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the pattern so far, two sides who diametrically oppose each other being forced to work together on a problem they vastly disagree about, usually turning the small issue into something much messier than it ever would be and them learning something about themselves in the process.

Each pairing exists to point out to the viewer exactly what issues exist with each side that need some form of resolving, and the big unifying theme amongst them is “you’re not listening to me”. Roman and Virgil dragging Thomas across the cafeteria in favor of or agains him talking to Nico, Logan and Remus deliberately ignoring and working to undo the others work in an attempt to break Thomas out of the depressive funk he found himself in. Nobody is working together here. The only side to even remotely cooperate with the group was Virgil body checking Thomas into Nico, and it took him and Roman bullying each other and Thomas for an entire video to even get to that point.

Watching Logan and Remus interact, one, brought me immense joy and I will be chasing that high for weeks to come, and two, after an ounce of critical thinking was frankly painful to watch. Any critiques Logan offered to Remus were immediately discarded with absurdity and any critiques Remus offered to Logan were discounted as absurd.

During the obvious scene at the end with the Eyes™️, Logan claimed he wasn’t pretending Remus didn’t exist, but honestly, he kinda was.

The Dunce Cap Scene really accentuates this point. Logan pulls a holier than thou, why won’t you learn I’m always right, bullshit passive aggressive remark, Remus does his dramatic repenting student shtick, starts singing directly into Logan’s ear, and makes a kink joke. Literally the words Remus sings are “can’t fix this guy, all by yourself”. Remus is saying this inches from Logan’s personal face and even still the logical side ignores him outright, because of all the fluff around the message. Hell, in Remus’s introduction video, Logan likens him to a screaming baby on a plane, essentially saying “well eventually he’ll stop screaming so just bear with it for a while and you’ll be fine”. He’s ignoring Remus outright due to a preconceived notion and missing out on valuable information because of it.

The dunce cap scene indirectly calls back to learning new things about ourselves, where Logan is completely unreceptive to the puppet bit because of its perceived absurdity and absolutely refuses to acknowledge any potential the medium might have for learning until he physically cannot anymore.

Remus is capable of, and does often, make valid points and offers genuine critiques of shit happening in their lives. In Forbidden Fruit, almost every single line harkens back to some idea the other sides had been trying, and failing, to communicate to Thomas. “Good and bad is all made up nonsense”, “if you shared those musings with your friends i doubt they would forgive you”, “why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself” “people don’t like me much, Thomas, but that only just cause I’m honest”, “these sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man who’s soul is truly rotten.”

Despite all of this, he is ignored outright because of his medium. Just like Logan is ignored due to his monotone cadence and large volume of content, just like Roman is due to his flair for the dramatic and artistic display of ideas, just like Patton is due to his playful and childlike nature, just like Janus is due to his perceived role as the Villain, just like Virgil /was/ due to his perceived role as the villain.

They all have become accustomed to being stepped on by the other sides because of who they are and how they communicate, and have in turn learned some less than ideal methods of being heard again. Logan yells and gets passive aggressive, Remus ups the fear factor for everyone around him, Roman shuts down anyone who tries to talk through bullying and raising his voice, Patton manipulates the others into feeling guilt and covers it up with a smile, Virgil whips out the tempest tongue and incites fear in Thomas, and Janus physically silences anyone in his way.

And here’s why I say the next asides episode is going to be the most important one developmentally. Patton and Janus are going to be forced to work together. Patton, who is in the midst of an identity crisis, and willing to listen to any new ideas provided they offer a valid solution to the shit he’s found himself in, and Janus, who knows a lot more than he’s willing to let on, who concerns himself exclusively with Thomas’s self preservation, and loves to talk when given the opportunity. Janus is gonna have a thing or two to say to Patton when they’re inevitably faced with their moral dilemma, and Patton is going to be in just the right mindset that he’s willing to listen. And Janus is going to end up being right, and the small issue they’re facing will be resolved, which will therefore strengthen Patton’s trust, and his openness to changing for the better.

Patton is goofy, and childish, and kinda ditzy sometimes, and because of that we as a fandom tend to overlook any of his moments that are anything but that, but we are not giving this man enough credit. When Patton sets his heart on something, he throws his whole self into it, and is willing to stand up for his beliefs in the face of extreme opposition, and would gladly do anything in his power to defend his family. Once Patton decides that he’s willing to grow, and if he believes that this growth will help put his family back together, nothing can stop him, and that will be absolutely crucial for the growth of all the other sides around him.

Whatever him and Janus discuss during their aside will absolutely give Patton the information he needs to help stitch together the rift between everyone.

I predict the next official Sanders Sides video is going to be the longest one yet, possibly over an hour long, because there’s a LOT of work that is going to need to be done, and Everyone is going to be in it. The big issue of “you’re not listening to me” won’t be resolved, but it will be acknowledged in a serious light by everyone. We won’t be getting any appearances from the Orange Side I don’t think, that would end up just complicating matters even more when each character is already incredibly shaky in their own identity.

Something less than ideal is gonna happen between Thomas and Nico, he’s gonna summon the initial three to deal with the matter but the other lads are gonna worm their way into the discussion, everyone’s gonna start screaming at each other, and Pattons gonna do something that stuns everyone else into silence (I’m guessing he’ll start crying, considering the start of season two was all about him repressing negative emotions and what better way to show character growth than to sob openly on camera).

Once everyone just fucking stops for ten seconds that’s when the apologies start. None of the sides are ever the first to apologize, we’ve seen that time and time again. Their desire to be in the right as well as their pride will always get in the way, however if someone starts the apology train everyone will eventually follow suit. We see that in Alone On Valentines Day, My Negative Thinking, Growing Up, Accepting Anxiety, Fitting In, Moving On, actually in pretty much every video where an apology actually takes place, once one person apologizes the other will immediately follow suit.

Patton is gonna be a goddamn mess, he’s gonna apologize to everyone in the room for anything he thinks he may have done to wrong them, and that’s gonna be what gets everyone to acknowledge all the shit they’ve put each other through, and the others are going to jump between trying to console him and trying to apologize to each other. They’re going to come to the unified decision that they need to work together more on future issues, the group is all going to offer up a solution and decide together on a remedy to whatever happened together between Thomas and Nico, and that will be that. Season three will be about them finding the balance between stepping on toes and being stepped over, while also working out how the orange side fits into everything.

Thus marking the end of my rant.

I started writing this at 2 and it’s now 4. I have to be up in three hours. I have an essay due at 3pm tomorrow that I haven’t started, but instead I typed up all this bullshit. I hope any of this made any sense, and I hope this is a suitable replacement for my emotions essay that’s completely untouched because chances are this is what I’m presenting to my therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck.

[5sosxqueen]

Luke

~Part 1~ , Part 2 > , Part 3 > , Part 4 >

Saying this in advance, yes, I am aware now that Nando's isn't a pizza place... 🫠

Warnings: depictions of illness, vomiting, choking, coughing

Written in 2018

Published (Wattpad) - Jan 29, 2018

Word Count: 1894

Updates are every Tuesday and Thursday

Also Available on Wattpad and AO3!!!

Part 1:

Luke's POV:

     "PIZZA!!!" Michael shouted nearly splitting everyone's eardrums in the process. We all chuckled as we walked out to the van and started singing our song Pizza.

     "Nando's does sound nice. I'm starving!" I said with a giant smile plastered on my face.

     "That it does, my brother." Ashton yelled and pounced onto my back, practically forcing me to run with him on my back to the van.

     "LETS GO!!!" Calum yelled. We piled into the van and drove to our favorite pizza place ever. The drive was relatively short, it only being 5 minutes, thankfully. "Wheeew!" He yelled as we got out of the van.

     "Hello, can we have two large pepperoni, bacon, and sausage pizzas please?" Michael bombarded the woman at the counter suddenly.

     "Of course, will that be for here or to go?" She asked kindly with a poor attempt at hiding a grin.

     "Here please." Ashton said walking slowly up to Michael, who was lifting himself up onto the counter slightly,and put his hand on his shoulder to remind him that we are in public. I rolled my eyes at his over-eagerness and the woman giggled. He is literally always like this when we get pizza.

     We talked to the woman as we waited for our pizza to come out. They were running a tad bit slow today so no one entered until after our food was ready. We sat down once we saw it coming. No sooner had it been set down we dug in. I have always loved Nando's.

     For some odd reason, I was having bit of difficulty chewing the pizza though. My jaw felt weak. When I tried to swallow it I almost couldn't. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind to be dealt with another time. I wasn't going to concern anyone and let myself worry over nothing.

     I managed to eat half of my first slice of pizza when it happened. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. Of course I've choked on food before, bit this didn't feel right. I started to cough and the boys looked at me and asked if I was alright. I nodded, but I honestly wasn't too sure. Normally if I choke on food it only takes once or twice to get the food out of my wind pipe, but this time that's wasn't doing shit for me.

      "Luke, damn, you sure you're ok?" I shook my head this time. I couldn't get a single breath in through the endless coughing. Even the woman from before, ran over to us with some water in an attempt to ease this terrible feeling. The lads we're quick to pat my back, but nothing was working they could see the intense panic set in my eyes as I tried to get the pizza to dislodge from my throat. I suddenly felt sick from the constant coughing. I got up and ran out of the restaurant still hacking and choking violently. The lads followed me out and continued to smack my back, but even harder as I leant down and placed my hands on my knees to brace myself. I suddenly chocked out the little bit of food I consumed onto the pavement below my feet. I was still coughing and once again I vomited and the choking finally let up some. I was desperately trying to gather air into my lungs. I felt dizzy and light headed and I grabbed onto Michael's arm as he reach over my shoulder.

    "I'm... Really light headed." I breathed out in my now raspy voice. Michael tightened him grip on me as I began to shake some.

    "Not surprised, that last for almost 2 minutes. You good now?" I nodded slightly before my legs finally could no longer hold my weight. I tightened my grip on Michael's waist and he eased me to the ground.

     I looked down when I realised the probable reason I choked to that extent. "Guys I don't think I can swallow properly." They looked at me with lost looked etched onto their faces.

     "Why do you say that?" Ash asked me clearly both concerned and confused.

     "The whole time I was eating my throat just didn't feel right. I don't know how to explain it. I guess it felt weak...." I said as I tried to peice together the feeling. "Mmmmn, my stomach still feels kind of icky."

     "Do you still feel like you might be sick?" Michael asked slightly tightening his grip on me again.

     "Umm a bit, but I don't think I will." They all nodded and Michael grip loosened again. "I'll let you know if I do." They agreed. The woman walked back out with the water I had left on the table.

     "Here slow sips." She handed it to me and I took some sips cautiously. I could swallow the water just fine thankfully, but I didn't overdue it.

     "Thank you." I said as she walked back inside.

     I felt the water sloshing around a bit on my still nauseated tummy. "Michael help..." He helped me lean over since I was still very lightheaded and weak. I gagged and coughed a bit as the water made a reappearance. I dry heaved and nearly passed out from lack of oxygen. I started to fall forward.

     "Woah, bud, easy. Breathe Lukey boy." I leaned into him and cried. I've never felt this bad. Everyone came into a group hug.

     "I'm so sorry I ruined lunch... We were supposed to have a good time..." I was nearly screaming.

     "Luke, you didn't ruin anything. You couldn't help that. Are you ok now though." I nodded and sniffled. "Let's get you home." Ashton said as he helped Michael pick me back up and led me to the van.

Calum's POV:

     Luke had given us quite a scare at Nando's. Luke had fallen asleep on the way back to the bus. I carried him inside and laid him down on his bunk. It was getting late anyways so he needed the rest. "Guys, about what Luke said about not being able to swallow, do you think we should call Matt and talk to him?" They nodded.

     "I definitely think that would be wise." Ash explained as he got his phone out and dialed Matt's number, putting it onto speaker.

     The phone rang a couple times. "Hey Ash. Everything alright?" We don't normally call him unless somethings happened. He normally is the one calling us.

     "Not really." Michael and I both said.

     "Uh oh. What's going on guys?" Matt questioned.

     "Well he all decided to go to Nando's for dinner, no surprise there, but Luke couldn't eat the pizza properly. About half way through his first piece he started to choke on some of it, and you know how normally he is able to get anything out within a couple tries?" Michael started.

     "Yes. I don't like where this is going.... Go on." Matt grew truely worried for our blue eyed bandmate.

     "Well, he wasn't able to do so this time he spent, like, 2 full minutes coughing until he choked up what he had eaten and processed to barf up whatever was in his stomach. He told us something that really worried all of us too, being that he couldn't swallow. Poor guy was so lightheaded he almost passed out." Michael continued, with Matts worry growing immensely.

     Matt sighed. "Ok here's what I'll do. I will send a medic to stay will you guys for a while. If it happens to that extent again we will need to seek medical attention. Not being able to swallow properly is very serious."

     "That's why we figured it would be a good idea to call you. He hasn't eaten much today and he threw up, not once, but twice because of this." I stated.

     "Well I'll send a medic there and we will go from there. Keep me posted guys." Matt said before hanging up.

     True to his word, a medic showed up around 30 minutes later with a to-go bag. "Hello guys, my name is Cash. I'll be here keeping an eye out for Luke for a while. Don't worry, I will try not to be in the way." He shook all our hands, minus Luke of course. "I have a few questions though." We nodded, ready to answer anything that came our way. "So has anything like this happened before?" We shook our heads. "Was it just with eating food or was it with water or salivia as well?"

     "I believe it was just with the food." I explained.

     "Ok. What exactly happened today. Tell me why I am here." Cash stated.

     "We went out to eat today. He was able to eat about a quarter of what he had on his plate. He started to choke, but none of us fully thought anything of it. We just asked if he was ok and he nodded at first, but after a good 20 seconds of him coughing we saw him really starting to panic as he couldn't draw a breath. All of a sudden he jumped up and rushed out of the restaurant and back onto the side walk still choking. We ran out there behind him and he couldn't stop couphing and it eventually made him puke. And he got insanely lightheaded and fell. Then he tried to drink some water, which only caused him to vomit again." Ashton explained as Cash nodded as he jotted the info onto a notepad.

     "Ok. Did he say anything during this episode? Anything at all?" He asked.

      "Before getting sick the second time, he said he was having some trouble swallowing the entire time eating." I added.

     "Ok. Do you think we could vet him to try to eat something now I know he may be afraid to eat at this current moment, but I would like to see if it happens again?" We nodded and I went to go wake him.

     I gently shook him awake. "Luke buddy," he rolled over and looked at me. "Hey I know this might be this last thing you'd want to do, bit we need you to try to eat something again. Can you try for us?" He was very hesitant, but reluctantly agreed. He got out of his bunk and I saw him trying to prep his weakened throat. I could see in his eyes that he feared a repeat of earlier. I felt awful that he was going through this.

     He stepped into the main area of the bus and was instantly greeted by Cash. He had explained to Luke what was going on. cash asked one of us to make him something small to try to eat and I got up and made him a quick sand which. "Ok Luke, I want you to try to eat the whole thing, ok? Luke nodded at Cash's word and swallowed hard once again as he took the sand which in his hands.

     "Thanks Cal." He took a bite of the sand which, feeling a bit uneasy that we were all watching him. We could see him chewing way more than usual. We could already see with his first try swallowing, he had extreme difficulty, but it went down. The process repeated and he started vetting a bit more comfort. This did not last long though.....