#also i think this is the first time i ever made vent art

[monochromeblend]

this is the best thing i've ever made and i drew it on a sticky note

[magentagalaxies]

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

[impostorsshow]

Sometimes you just listen to a TikTok audio and get the need to make a post about a self destructive cycle your in only to never acknowledge the post again yknow

The song is Don't Smoke by Mitski, specifically the TikTok version is the Audiotree Live version

[bookshelf-dust]

the art of dancing in the kitchen

carmy berzatto x fem!hairdresser!reader

gif by @hotch-girl

word count: 3,479

warnings: literally nothing? this is pure fluff with slight swearing and little baby innuendos. i did make reader a hairdresser because i just love the idea and it makes so much sense for this.

synopsis: nothing brings you more joy than spending time with carmen…except maybe having him help you bake.

a/n: i swear to you, i think this might be my favorite fic that i’ve ever written. i love it so much and it made me so happy to write. i found myself smiling at the screen while typing, if that tells you anything. i think i’d definitely like to continue writing things in this universe, too! carmy is so fun for me to write and i love coming up with ways to make him feel tangible. (also shoutout to the first pic because if you know, you know.) i hope you enjoy this one and happy reading!! <33

————

Carmy never sees you run as fast as you do when you’re leaving work. In this case, it’s just so he can eat lunch with you, but you rush out of the salon door just as fast.

Your sundress catches the wind, the hem flying behind you as you jog up to the passenger side door. You catch a glimpse of Carmen through the dirty window. His curls are crushed underneath that worn blue cap, but today it’s turned the wrong way around on his head.

It makes him look boyish. The hand rubbing over his mouth in an effort to hide a grin doesn’t help his case. 

If you’re honest, you’ve been giddy since six that morning, when you got up and remembered that Carmy was meeting you for lunch. And when you got to work and found it was much slower than expected, with no show after no show, you were so grateful for the blue eyed man waiting for you outside. In a loading zone, no less. 

You hop into the car, pulling the door shut behind you distractedly. You’re too eager to see him, and before you can even say hello, how are you, how’s life—anything—you’re kissing him. 

His lips feel a little chapped against yours, the skin slightly dry and cracked, but you don’t mind. It feels like he’s just shaved, his jaw all smooth, and he smells like cinnamon and dish soap and cigarettes, but you’d be a liar if you tried to claim that wasn’t the best smell in the world.

You pull away from his kiss, locking eyes with him, where his pupils are blown wide and his cheeks are flushed like he’s been pinched. “Hi, gorgeous,” you say. 

Carmen laughs, that little shy one that’s more of a big puff of air than a chuckle. He shakes his head at you, still not used to someone being so excited about his presence, so…enamored by him. 

“Hey, you,” Carmy answers, placing both of his hands on your cheeks. He stares at you for a moment. He’s trying to drink you in. He does this every chance he gets because he literally cannot believe you’re real. He’s not dissociating, he’s not daydreaming. This is his life.

Your already broad smile widens as you take the opportunity to stare back at him. Your eyes wander to his just-too-long sideburns. “I think it’s time for a trim again, Carm. Lookin’ a little grizzly there.” You ruffle his curls, which feel surprisingly clean. 

Carmy watches you bite your thumbnail in an effort to conceal the laugh threatening to burst from your throat due to your own horrible joke. 

“Ha, ha. So funny.”

He puts the car in drive and listens to you giggle to yourself as you fasten your seatbelt. Neither of you say much on the very short drive to the park across the street, knowing you’ll be able to vent as much as you please while you eat. 

“Cross your fingers our bench is free?” you say, raising your hand up towards Carmen. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as if that also counts as a way of manifesting your favorite seat. Carmy lifts his fingers in the air, the middle crossed over the index and gently knocks his hand against yours. 

You pull into the parking lot, the sound of gravel crunching beneath tires filling your ears, and your gaze immediately flies to the bench underneath the biggest tree with the most shade and the best view for people watching. “Fuck, yeah!” you shout, a brilliant smile blooming on your face as you unbuckle. 

Carmy laughs for real this time, the corners of his eyes going all soft and crinkly at your joy. “Run over there and claim it, yeah? I’ll grab everything.”

You push open the car door and stand quickly, smoothing the sweet ruffles of your dress. You wink, already starting to happily jog away. “Yes, chef!” Carm catches your salute just before he reaches in the backseat for the cooler and bag of food he brought with him from the restaurant.

On your bench, you prop your hand on your chin, tuck your foot under your thigh, and watch as Carmen walks up the short little incline to you. He looks gorgeous.

He’s wearing jeans, Levi’s that hug his ass and thighs just right. He has on an old “I heart New York” t-shirt that he only wears when he hasn’t caught up on laundry (and only bought for that same reason a few years ago). 

His curls and necklace bounce almost in sync, and you can’t help but think that he just looks so pure and free.

And he’s got this glint in his eye that’s directed right on you. 

“Ebra made your favorite. He heard I was meeting you for lunch and insisted he do it,” Carmy says, snapping you out of your how-could-this-man-get-any-more-sexy daze. 

He places the tin foil wrapped sandwich in front of you, pretending not to notice the way you’re gawking at him. “I swear he’s never been so gentle with roast beef.”

You smile, pulling up the strap on your dress where it’s started to slip. Carmy leans over the table to press a kiss to your shoulder. It makes your stomach flip. 

“Did he make yours for you?” you ask, mouth watering impatiently as you lift the still-warm bread up so you can take a messy bite. 

Carmen hands you a napkin. “Put that over your chest—yeah, like that. So you don’t get your dress dirty.” He rips open a bag of chips for you to share. “But to answer your question, fuck no he didn’t.”

You toss your head back and laugh. “You’ll have to tell him I said thank you for making such a yummy lunch for me.” Your boyfriend watches as you suck a stream of au jus from your thumb. 

Carmy scoffs playfully. You wink at him. “I did have the cutest delivery boy though.”

His brow raises, and the corners of his mouth quirk while he chews on the handful of potato chips he’s just shoved in his mouth. “Oh yeah?”

You hum. “Yep. Cute even with roast beef stuck in his teeth.”

Carmy falls for it, quickly taking a sip of his drink like he’s going to wash the beef free. But the twinkle in your eye tips him off. “You’re fuckin’ with me?”

You wipe your grinning mouth. “‘Course I am, Bear.”

Carmen raises up from his side of the picnic table just enough so that he’s leaning across to meet you halfway. He waves you closer with his hands. “Come on now, you owe me a kiss for bein’ a little shit.”

You brace your palms against the worn—and slightly damp from last night's rain shower—wood, quickly connecting your lips with Carmy’s. 

You do this thing where you start smiling into the kiss and in turn it makes Carmen smile because your giddiness to have your mouth on his is insanely fucking contagious, and he’d be a damn fool not to join in.

When you pull apart you make sure to quickly kiss both of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “There’s your tip for being such a pretty delivery boy and bringin’ me lunch.”

The both of you settle into quiet conversation, catching up on whatever as you finish your sandwiches and drinks. Carmy reaches across the table to hold your hand, rubbing the pads of his fingers over your polished nails. He likes the way they feel.

As a surprise to end your lunch hour, he pulls out a little back holding two oversized oatmeal raisin cookies. One for each of you. And he knows those are your favorite. You do a happy little wiggle in your seat when you see them. It makes him laugh, makes his stomach flip. 

“Marcus made a batch of these, just tryin’ out cookie recipes? We thought having them out front for people to grab on their way out would be smart.”

You take the cookie from him. “That is smart. And I already know it’s gonna be yummy.”

“Damn straight. I ate like, four of them as my breakfast and lunch yesterday. But that’s not important. How’s work so far?” 

You’ll have to berate him about that later. The man cannot eat cookies and wash them down with Pepto Bismol and call it a day. 

You demolish your cookie within seconds. “Work has been so fuckin’ slow today, Bear. We’ve had all these no shows, so I got set up and then they don’t come and now I’ll have to send them the files about the fee.”

“You want me to yell at ‘em for you? Tell them how they’re missin’ out on the world’s best haircut and color?”

You smack him playfully on the wrist. “I just love my job, y’know? So it sucks when I sit there playin’ on my phone instead of listening to all the gossip my customers bring me.”

Carmy downs the rest of his Coke and swipes the back of his hand across his mouth. “If it helps, I’ll let you give me that trim after service tonight.”

“At least I know you won’t cancel on me.”

Carmen watches you for a minute, losing himself in now fucking ethereal you are. He’s never imagined himself using the word, but that’s the only proper way to describe you. And he secretly loves you cutting his hair because your hands feel so good, especially when you wash it for him. 

“I’ll tip you real good too, baby.” Carmy blushes at his own joke and it makes you laugh. Mid-laugh though, your eyes widen like you’ve just had an idea. It feels a little devious to him.

You pull out your phone. “Oh! When I was doomscrolling this morning, I found this video of blueberry muffins—dammit, of course I can’t find it now—but they had the…the…”

You lift your hand, wiggling your fingers in a sort of sprinkly motion like you’re try to demonstrate what you’d seen. “The crumbly shit, Carm! I don’t know what the fuck it’s called.”

You reach over and take both of his hands. “Point is, they looked really yummy and I wondered if you’d help me make them?”

Carmy starts chuckling. He definitely knew what you were talking about with your hand gesture, since you’re always making them and he’s got them memorized by now, but it’s so fucking fun to see your brain work. 

He begins to gather up your trash and put it back in the bag he brought it in. 

“Yeah, I think I have enough flour and shit. There’s some frozen blueberries in the back of the freezer. But do you want the crumbly shit, or streusel?”

“Carmen, sweet angel baby, I don’t know what streusel is.”

“It’s usually got cinnamon and nuts and shit, so that’s what we’ll do because I know how you like your nuts, love.”

You take his hand when he offers it to help you stand. You smack a big, wet kiss on his lip. You let your eyes drag up and down his form before you begin to walk back to the car. 

“Sure do, Carmy.”

————

“You don’t need a recipe or anything?”

Carm presses a sweet kiss to your lips and passes you a few fresh blueberries to snack on. He’d grabbed some at the store on the way home because was he really going to teach his girlfriend how to make muffins with a questionable bag of frozen blueberries? Fuck no.

“Nah, it’s all pretty simple. I’ll tell you everything to do, and I can write one out for you if you ever wanna make ‘em when I’m not home.”

You pinch his sides, raising up on your tippy toes to express your giddiness. “Really? Holy shit, I love that.”

He lets out a huff of a laugh. “Yeah?” Carmen cups your chin, tilting your mouth up to meet his because he wants a kiss.

You start to talk while his lips are still on yours. “It’s your handwriting. I have a thing for it.”

He bites your bottom lip playfully. “You’re insane,” he says, smiling through each syllable. He pulls back briefly. “That reminds me, I got you somethin’.”

Carmen walks to the living room and pulls something out of his work bag. “Does this have to do with my insanity?” you ask, jokingly. 

He shakes his head. “Only with your insanely cute ass.” He holds up an apron. “It’s your honorary chef apron. Ta-da.”

It’s the same blue as his at work, except it has a ruffled hem and the logo for The Bear embroidered on the chest. Your brows shoot up.

“You got this today, Carm?” The alarm in your voice makes him smile. 

Carmy walks up to you and starts tying it around your waist. “No, no, not today. I got it awhile back, but you bringing up muffins made me remember I’d ordered it. It came with the chef’s whites and shit.”

“You got it made for me?” Your voice pitches up a notch, causing Carmen to spin you around so you’re facing him. 

“‘Course I did. Couldn’t leave my number one out. And yours is cuter than everyone else’s.”

Your eyes water, just slightly, and you start smothering Carmy’s face with kisses until he starts to giggle boyishly. “Okay, okay!” he fusses, “No tears, only muffins.” He grabs your hips and moves you in front of the counter where he’s laid out all the ingredients for you. “Let’s get movin’ now, yeah? This shit is making me hungry.”

————

“Why do they tell you to fold it in? I’m not doing fuckin’ laundry, Bear.”

Carmy is sitting on the counter next to you, watching you intensely. There are floury handprints on your apron and you have your tongue poking out in concentration. He keeps bringing a straw to your lips every few minutes to keep you hydrated, like this is a very important surgical operation. 

“Probably ‘cause it looks like folds when you do that?” You smack him on the knee and continue to fold in all the ingredients, pretending like you don’t see exactly what he means.

Once you feel like it’s all combined you let go of the spatula and turn to Carmen. 

“What now, Bear?”

“You gotta mix up the sugar and the flour and the cinnamon, and then you can add your little nut mixture and I’ll show you how to do the butter.”

You reach for the collection of small glass bowls Carmy set out for you. “So sassy,” you say, shaking your shoulder just a little. 

He smiles at you and extends a socked foot out to lightly kick you on the butt. But you were expecting it, so you reach behind you and grab his ankle, tickling the bottom of his foot, which is where he’s most ticklish. It’s his Achilles heel. 

Carmy releases a short bout of laughter before pulling away from you to catch his breath. “Fucker.”

You grin, leaning over the sink to wash your hands for the umpteenth time. “But I’m your fucker, angel boy.”

He hops off the counter, scooching in behind you to press a kiss to your clammy cheek. “Can’t argue with that,” he says. 

Carm watches over your shoulder as you add a small mix of crushed almonds, granola, and pecans to your streusel topping. “Good job, baby. Now I need you to cut a few pats of butter and add ‘em in. Just do a few—yeah, just like that—and you can start mixing it up. You can use your hands if you need to since it gets so difficult to stir.”

The warmth of Carmy’s chest against your back should be unnerving, what with him observing your every move. 

But it isn’t. Rather, it's comforting. When the butter combines with your little potion mix as much as it can, you use your hands to make sure nothing gets left behind. 

“You’re very good at making sure the crumbly shit is crumbly, lovebug.”

You look over your shoulder at Carmen as you finally slide the finished tray into the oven. “I’m givin’ you a run for your money, aren’t I, Bear?”

He smiles at you, reaching around your waist to untie your apron and lift it over your head. He hangs it on the little rack meant for keys. “Might have to tell Marcus about this. Get you in there, helpin’ him decorate donuts and shit.”

You push up on your toes and wrap your arms around Carmy’s neck. His go around the small of your back like that’s the only job they’ve ever had. 

“So you can throw them on the floor?” you quip, biting your lip to hold back a laugh. You know you’re being a little shit, but at least it’s a memory you can all laugh at now. 

Carmy’s lips quirk up at the corners. His right hand lowers and squeezes at the fat of your ass, a little menacingly, but loving all the same. “Never gonna let me live that down, huh?”

You lower your forehead so that it’s resting on Carm’s chest. He feels your giggle against his skin. Feels the way your fingers play with his necklace where they rest at the back of his neck. It’s giving him goosebumps. 

“Nope,” you say, that cute little teasing lilt to your voice. 

Carmy tightens his grip around your waist and lifts you up into the air, spinning you around his small kitchen a few times. Just enough that you squeal out of surprise, out of pure, unadulterated joy because of this romantic ass gesture that feels straight out of a story book. You pop your feet up for good measure. You could never let Princess Mia down like that.

When he sets you down, you both stare at each other for a moment, catching your breath with these stupid happy smiles on your faces. And right there, you both feel that little bolt of electricity. The one that tells you this will never go away. This connection is everlasting. 

It takes a minute for you to register that you’re both shuffling lightly across the floor, in gentle, sloppy circles. 

You look down at Carmy’s socked feet and back up to meet his eyes. “Does this count as dancing?”

He scratches his nose. “Couldn’t tell you.”

You kiss the spot where he was self-consciously rubbing. “Maybe we should practice, you know, in case we need to dance someday.”

Carmen snorts. “Yeah, maybe, sweetheart.”

You play with the curls around his ears, remembering your promise to give him that trim. “Have you ever danced, Mr. Berzatto?”

He kisses you. “Only alone in my room.”

You kiss him. “That what you do when I’m not around?”

He kisses you a second time. “Yep. Busted. But Richie used to try and make us play Just Dance with him when he got drunk.” He grins at the little chuckle you let out. “What about you?” he starts. “Have a past dancing career?”

You shake your head, admiring every little freckle on his face. Every little dry patch of skin, every line. 

“In high school, me and my girlfriends would usually just hold hands and spin around in a little dance circle since we were all single. It was very cool of us.”

“I would’ve paid to see that,” Carmy says, cupping your jaw. You grin up at him, eyes twinkling. You imagine you’ve got big ‘ol pink hearts fluttering back and forth at him. 

You both melt into each other after that. Slowly shuffling around the kitchen, hips swaying to music that isn’t there. Usually Carmy would be on the verge of shitting his pants in a situation like this, but…it’s you. You’re safe. 

Why wouldn’t he dance with you? 

Carmen brings his lips to your ear. “Is there music in your head right now?”

“Rick Astley,” you whisper. 

Carmy blinks. 

And then he tosses his head back, laughing. “Seriously?” 

“Nope. I just wanted to hear you laugh,” you say, and kiss the chuckle right off his lips. He kisses you back, pecking your lips three times in quick succession because one is just never enough. You tug on a curl. “We’re stupid in love, aren’t we?”

“We’re dancing, shuffling like old people really, in my shitty kitchen on a weeknight, and waiting on blueberry muffins that I’m pretty sure we’ll finish within the hour.”

“Oh my god, Bear.”

“Yeah, baby. We’re stupid in love.”

You are. And when you sit on the kitchen floor, your socked feet in his lap, eating warm muffins and getting butter all over your fingers and down your wrists, that only confirms it. 

Those are the best damn muffins you’ve ever had. And Carmy’s lips taste like blueberries for the rest of the night. 

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

note: none of the gifs or images i use are mine! i get most of my images from pinterest or here, and gifs from about the same. please let me know if i ever don’t credit someone properly!

[strawbeffys]

fluff alphabet |clarisse la rue

author's note: Hi lovelies, please send me requests! I don't know what gave me the confidence to think I can write, probably delusion. Also, this is according to my personal views of Clarisse so don't be mad if it's different from what you've imagined. Leave a comment, I love interacting with people, xx.

warnings: I tried my best to keep it gender/race/cabin neutral for the most part but there are still some feminine coded things here and there. English is not my first language so excuse any grammar mistakes.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Starting off strong because with Clarisse sparring is a must. Although she doesn't like to think there will ever come a time in which she won't be there to protect you, it's still an essential part of life as a half-blood. And who better to train you than the daughter of war herself? And in case the apprentice becomes the master and you happen to beat her or pin her to the ground or even hold your dagger to her neck? Oh boy, she's done for. Actual heart eyes.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She pretty much loves everything about you, she can't really just choose one aspect. Though, if she had to, she'd probably say she loves you for being supportive, understanding, and patient with her. You understand her better than anyone. That's what made her know you were the one for her. You can control her anger issues and calm her down when she's on the verge of exploding and she thinks that's beautiful.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc?

The art of intimacy or comfort never came easy to Clarisse. Her relationship with her mother isn't the best and hasn't been for a while now and her father is a grade A asshole. Her first instinct when you're feeling down is to fix it, to ask you who or what happened and give them a physical piece of her mind, but that's not always how it works. She'll pull you to her lap and hold you through the night or for as long as you need, wiping your tears and kissing your cheeks. She'll let you vent your heart out. You can tell her anything. Or nothing, if you prefer. She's not the best with words but her actions speak much louder.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

She's never thought that much ahead if she's being honest. Never allowed herself to daydream too much into the future, choosing to live off the present for now. Sometimes, however, she pictures what could be only described as an utopia; to go on such a fantastical quest that the gods can't help but grant the both of you immortality, that way you'd bask in the glory of your love forever and ever.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

On the outside looking in it would seem Clarisse is the dominant one for sure. And in some ways she is; she likes that you can rely on her, she wants to provide for you, yearns to prove herself capable of such. Still, you're the one in charge. Clarisse is completely devoted to you, and your relationship means more to her than anything she's ever felt before. She cherishes it like no other, always at your beck and call.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Clarisse is intense, that much we know. Her anger runs deep and her passion burns red. She's not perfect, and doesn't try to hide it either. She's hot-tempered, arrogant, she's got a short fuse and she holds grudges. Her fatal flaw is pride, which sometimes gets in the way of her good senses, so you'll most likely be the one apologizing first. Despite all that, she can't bear the thought of you being mad at her and absolutely hates fighting with you. It's like it's tearing her apart, especially if you're sad over something she said or did in the heat of the moment. Truth is, she is a fighter at heart so when all is said and done she'll try and make it up to you in some way, somehow.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She is so appreciative of everything you do and are. As previously stated, Clarisse didn't get much love growing up so any semblance of that is something she clings hard to. She notices everything, every little thing you do for her and the underlying of your words. How you treat her and others is always stored in the back of her mind and she loves to be loved by you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Clarisse is a very closed off person in general, she doesn't like feeling exposed and being possibly seen as weak. She'll tell you things but there's still some matters you have to pick up on your own and know how to approach them, especially regarding her feelings and personal struggles. She's very honest though, she feels like she owns you that much and appreciates you if you do the same for her. The more your relationship progresses you'll notice being able to read her like an open book because although she does her very best to hide it there's an underlying vulnerability to her behavior in certain moments you'll take proper notice of the more you know her.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Clarisse has definitely become more gentle since you. It still doesn't extend to your friends and family but more so how she behaves around you and knowing she doesn't have to put up that though front all the time. Her sense of self worth has improved as well, especially when you reassure her through her insecurities and doubts (never being the son her father wanted etc.)

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh, boy. Clarisse’s jealousy is very fuelled by… Well, anything really. She doesn't necessarily need a motive to go toe to toe with someone, just staring at you for a second longer than she deems them worthy of and she's ready for a fight. It's hard for anyone to get close enough to flirt with you because she's always there, by your side, kind of like a guard dog. But only because she knows how amazing you are and her insecurities do blurry some lines on what's acceptable. She's working on it though.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Clarisse is definitely a good kisser. She doesn't have much experience, if any, but she's a natural. It sounds cheesy but the first time she kisses you was like butterflies and church bells dancing loudly in the wind. The way she cups your face so uncharacteristically soft and how she breaks off the kiss with a series of small pecks only to smile one of her beautiful smiles so close to each other's faces… Magical. It could be at the fireworks on the fourth of July or it could be in your favorite spot in the woods, soaked in lake water during a midnight swim or after a heated argument. No matter how many times Clarisse kisses you, she'll never not feel electricity similar to her spear’s sharp edge digging into her body and soul.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Clarisse does not have a clue what she's doing. I feel like she'd say something in the heat of the moment; either confessing her true feelings or masking them by saying something hurtful she doesn't actually mean. In the latter scenario she'd storm off and berate herself over it but her pride and fear that you'd never look at her again made her put off her apology for some time and let it all sink in to talk to you when she's ready. That is until you start properly ignoring her and she nearly goes crazy with longing, just missing your overall presence and having her stomach turn to knots at the way things were left between you two. That's one of the few times Clarisse sucks it up and reaches for you. The apology is awkward but overwhelmingly honest and she tells you she's an idiot but you're content in forgiving her and giving her a second (actual first) chance.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Again, Clarisse never thought she'd live to see the day she'd actually have a marriage prospect. Her life just doesn't seem complete without you anymore and the moment she realizes that she's done for. It would probably be while you're laying in bed together, your head on her chest while you play with her fingers. Your eyes are heavy with sleep but hers are wide open, thinking. “Will you marry me?” said while staring into the distance and you probably think she's joking except Clarisse is not one to joke about that sort of thing. “Not now. But eventually.” and whether you ask if she's serious or just accept it right away, she'd look at you seriously for a beat and then tackle you into a bear hug, crushing you underneath her. She doesn't see the point in a big wedding, but if that's what you're into, she won't mind.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She is not immune to babe or baby but would still like to keep some variety. Things like sunshine, gorgeous, angel or others (I'm looking at you, person who created the “mama/s” HC). She does like your name very much, or probably a shortened version of it. Don't expect her to not tease you if any of these make you flustered.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Clarisse likes to think she's good at hiding it when she's absolutely not. As Taylor Swift once said, you can hear it in the silence. Just the way her eyes soften when she's looking at you speaks millions, but people also get whiplash at how fast her mean attitude changes whenever you're around. Her love giving languages are probably acts of service and physical touch. She loves to do things for you, feeling all big and mighty whenever she can make your life just a little easier. Touching is also a must but we'll get to that in a second.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Clarisse is not very comfortable with public displays of affection, because she is afraid of being judged or mocked by others for being weak or soft. She prefers to keep her relationship with you private and intimate, but doesn't mind the little things. She does gloat about being with you as well as showing you off, so that everyone on camp knows you're hers. She brags about you all the time and I mean, seriously, all the time. She's not a big hand holder but she almost over compensates by grabbing at your hips and thighs, throwing an arm over your shoulder or hiding her face in your neck. She especially loves bonfires when you sit on her lap and she can hold firmly onto your waist while she's talking to her siblings or just press her forehead against yours when her social battery is low.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

She's very perceptive. She may not know what has changed right away but she's also persistent so she'll figure it out in an instant. If it's the way you did your hair or something that happened along your day, even if you change your usual greeting. She notices and she'll definitely ask you about it.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Clarisse wants to be loved, that's all she’s ever wanted, and she has so much love to give, therefore I believe she'll do just about anything to make you happy. That includes being an absolute sap. She honestly doesn't mind how cliche it is, if it works on you, you bet she's using it. If anyone cares to say anything remotely negative about you or your relationship she will promptly glare them into oblivion or give them something to really worry about.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

She is your absolute biggest supporter. Especially if you don't believe in yourself, then she's trying even harder for you to see just how well you can do something if you put your mind to it. With something like sword training she is more than willing to help you, rewarding you with kisses and cursing you for distracting her with your pretty face.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Clarisse doesn't mind change, she rolls with it. If you have a certain way of doing things, a routine you like to follow, that's fine by her. If you're unpredictable, even better. She just loves to see what comes next in terms of your relationship, not necessarily needing anything to amplify her love for you. It's already hardwired into her.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She knows you like the back of her hand. Even the slightest furrow of your eyebrows or tilt of your head and she'll be there in a second asking what's wrong. She does learn to be more empathetic towards your own struggles, which was hard at first because she wasn't sure how to see things from someone else's point of view. Though road but you make it work.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

She doesn't have much to look forward to so Clarisse values her relationship with you very highly, as you are one of the few people who can see past her tough and aggressive exterior and appreciate her softer and more vulnerable side. She is fiercely loyal and protective of you, and would do anything to keep you safe and happy.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

I actually read this one on a Wattpad story a while ago so credit to the original creator but, Clarisse has a teddy bear named Mr. Muscles she's had since she was like, nine and she cherishes it like it's her most prized possession. When she introduced this piece of information to you, you just found her so incredibly adorable you couldn't contain the giggles and she gets so hot in the face she pushes you off her bed and it's honestly one of the most memorable moments in your relationship.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I headcanon Clarisse as your personal furnace as well as a koala bear so kisses and cuddles are a must, especially if it's cold outside. She loves to take naps with you, it gets to the point where she has trouble sleeping without you (so you give her a vial of your perfume to spray on Mr. Muscles for when you're away).

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Clarisse with you: 🥰

Clarisse without you: 😡

She gets snappier than usual and easily annoyed but she'll also get really sad because she's never had to deal with being away from you. Her siblings try to cheer her up by shoving some kid's head into the toilet but she's so disinterested in anything that does not involve you she just goes about her days training until she can see you again and show off her muscles.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

The answer is yes, one hundred percent. “Touch her and you die” trope goes so hard. Not only that but she would willingly sacrifice the world and herself for you and your relationship. She would go out of her way to make sure you are okay, that you are fed and hydrated and well rested, even messing up her own sleeping schedule in order to take better care of you.

[bloggingboutburgers]

I admire you so much for being able to share your experiences as an aro ace. It’s so funny, because most of my community knows I’m aro ace, but like, I’m so scared of sharing my personal experience and I think it’s because of how much it hurts to think of that part of my life.

The number of years I spent thinking I was broken because I didn’t feel any kind of attraction to others, forcing myself to date in the hopes that it would “just click” like people kept telling me, getting stressed and mentally distraught when I tried to force myself to show any sort of affection… It’s a hard thing for me to relive a lot of that. I very distinctly remember trying to kiss a guy I was dating that I didn’t want to kiss, but felt I needed to. I spiraled into such a bad panic attack that I drove two hours in a terrible blizzard just so I could get back home to what I felt was a safe place.

I think the hardest part for me was people not understanding my aro ace-ness. The difficulties of simply having a male friend around and having to listen to people constantly ask me if I have a crush on them, then acting as if I’m being coy when I say no (even though there’s no indication of that in my voice). I started dreading inviting my friend to events for that specific reason.

When I did try to date, all it did was add more stress to my life. I was constantly expected to be spending every free moment I had with these guys, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t think it clicked with my family until I broke down in a hysterical sob one day because of how much guilt-tripping was being done to me when I told them I didn’t want to hang out with him.

And the icing on the cake… the number of times I’ve been told to find a partner because “they don’t want me to reach 50 and be alone and miserable.” To be told that romance is the only way you’ll find true happiness… it’s painful. To be told that the things that bring you joy are not true happiness, that your platonic relationships mean nothing in the grand scheme of things… it hurts far more than anyone realizes.

I should probably stop here, ‘cause I’m getting all choked up, but I guess the bottom line is, thank you so much for sharing your experience and making me feel validated. It means so much to me. Keep being awesome, my friend 💕

I'm so sorry for all the hardships... I recognize myself so much in a lot of what you're sharing. I hate in particular that people act like "ending up alone and miserable" is 100% on you, like THEY don't have a say in that and a role to play in that and they're not basically actively contributing to that alienation RIGHT NOW. If people cared about anything beyond a sexual or romantic partner and kids, if people remembered that friendship is a thing and it's a thing that oughta matter, that would solve the problem much better than forcing everyone to conform against their will.

The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say I'm aroace at this point is because one day when I was 21, a girl I told it to just replied "Oh, okay", which was the first time in my life I ever got a reply like this and not a slew of questions or dismissal. That made my brain explode. In a good way. I'll always be grateful for her, she probably will never know how much. She opened up the door for me to be vocal about myself more confidently and build the invaluable support system of friends, and my partner, and my family, that I have today, and that in turn works as a virtuous circle.

And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing it in the form of comics now is because I did once in 2022 during asexual awareness week just to try some vent art for fun, and people didn't ignore it, or didn't dismiss it, but actually reacted positively to it. That encouraged me to make more. The reason I'm this comfortable and vocal about it online today is thanks to you guys here reading this. Having a positive reaction to what IS pretty much vent art disguised as comedy also shows me I'm not alone. This whole thing is mutual. So thank YOU, and thanks to anyone reading my stuff, for also making me feel validated.

[bicayaya]

as of now, i’m on a semi-hiatus.

under the cut i’ll talk a little about this decision. it’ll probably be a long post and it’s basically a vent, so pls don’t feel pressured to read it.

maybe all i say here will sound confusing, specially because lately expressing myself in english is being very hard. but i’ll try to make some sense.

well, there’s two main reasons why i’m deciding to do this. first of all, ever since i went on a semi-hiatus during may/june, i feel that i’m unable to be 100% back on this account, like i lost my place here. i always felt anxious and nervous about interacting, but somehow it became even worse after being some time away from tumblr. this is no one’s fault (probably just my own), but i can’t help but feel disconnected from the rest of the fandom. which makes me sad, because there’s a lot of people here who i really like and who i miss interacting with more. but in the past few weeks, every time i thought of interacting, something kept blocking me, i felt like i had nothing to add to the conversation and that no one would even care about anything i could possibly say (again, i’m aware that this is mostly my anxiety talking and no one’s to blame for me feeling like this other than myself). this feeling of rejection made me even avoid opening the app some days, because seeing others interacting made me feel even worse about my current lack of social skills.

the second reason is the fact that creating is not bringing me any joy right now. again, a fact that makes me really sad, because i love drawing, i love my ocs and i still have a lot of ideas i would like to share. but the process of creating them isn’t being as fun as it was a few months ago. i had a conversation about this with my psychologist recently, and she made me realize that instead of using my free time doing something i was in the mood to or resting, i was forcing myself to do the things i thought i had to do. i still love art, and i don’t plan on giving up on it, but maybe i should try focusing and trying different hobbies for now. because lately all i felt while trying to create was frustration, and i don’t want to ruin something i love by associating it with bad feelings. and honestly, if i can’t create, i feel like there’s nothing for me to even post here.

these two reasons are also connected to the fact that i’m not on a good mental state right now. i won’t elaborate much, because these are personal matters that i don’t feel comfortable sharing here, but i’ve been feeling down and anxious most of the time. this makes me feel like an awful person, which makes me avoid talking with others because i fear being bad with them (and consequently makes me avoid any kind of interaction, like i said before), and not keeping touch makes me feel even worse and i just keep constantly finding myself in this cicle. my routine is not the healthiest right now either, which i think might be making everything worse.

i’m not happy making this decision, but i think it’s necessary because i’m not happy with how things are right now either. there’s still a lot i would like to share, specially involving my ocs, but i just can’t do anything right now.

even with all of this, i don’t want to lose contact with the friends i’ve made here. you’re all very precious to me and always showed me a lot of kindness and support. if anyone wants to reach out to me for any reason, i’ll still have my tumblr notifications turned on, so you can dm me or send me messages on discord (same username as here). the only posts i’ll be checking out are the ones i’m tagged, so if you want me to see something that you think i might like, feel free to tag me! i’m sure i’ll be happy to see it.

you can also still send asks for me or for my ocs (in this or in their blog). i don’t know if i’ll be able to answer them quickly, as i still have a few old unanswered asks, but i’ll try, specially if it’s something important.

and, something important: i still plan on doing the requests i received on my birthday event. i think it’s unfair to everyone who joined to ignore it and i want to keep my word. but i can’t promise when i’ll post them, because i’ll probably take longer than usual to finish any drawing.

i guess that’s all. please take care everyone, if you need me for anything (or just want to reach out) you know where to find me! hopefully this decision won’t last long.

my intro/masterpost

[summertrynnacope]

CW: Nazism, TribeTwelve, swear words, (vent??)

Spoilers for EMH, Canyouseethewords blog, TribeTwelve and Sebastian's Journal.

Hi, it's me again. No shit. So. It's been like a month since the whole drama unfolded and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I know things have quieted down lately, and like many others, I wish we could all move on and forget this ever happened. However, I can't simply recover from it, mainly because I feel the posts about me continue to spread on this platform, radiating the negativity and false info about me to this day. This drama has been devouring me for a long time now, and I've decided to make another post. I gotta admit I haven't been 100% honest in my previous post, it was more of my attempt to back off, cry over it and avoid this drama. But I'm not doing that again. I'm done pretending and I'm tired of being nice and tolerating others when they're completely misguided. I'm fucking angry. That's why I decided to make one more post about this and I have so many things to say. This is not another apology post, think of it as a vent post and recap explanation of everything where I'll be brutally honest.

Also, if anyone of you is a Nazi supporter, get the fuck out. I do not welcome you here.

First of all, I do not understand why my efforts have been ignored. I did everything that was asked of me. I acknowledged my so-called ''mistakes'', I owned up to them, deleted the posts, apologized, explained my intentions, and you decide to just fucking ignore it?? What do you want from me then, huh? I'm not the ignorant here, you are fucking ignorants. Made me realize I actually haven't done anything wrong. Made me wonder if I should've even deleted those posts, I put a lot of effort into them, and some people actually liked them. It's not my fault some of you are sensitive and brainwashed by censorship culture and you can't accept or understand a canon-accurate depiction of characters. You think I've been sweeping something under the rug? No. In fact, it's the opposite. You've been sweeping this whole shit under the rug by dismissing me as a Nazi supporter, just because I drew something that was considered canon for so many years. I've done nothing wrong, I've been honest about my art the entire time. I draw what I enjoy and what is accurate to the lore. I love history and the Slenderverse, and I draw canon-accurate content, yet you get mad over it. It's so ridiculous. If this post can't open your fucking eyes, I don't know what else will, and frankly I don't care anymore. I'm done with this shit. I've acted like the adult I am, and took responsibility. However I'm not going to to point any fingers or dismiss anyone specifically, because I am not like this.

And to everyone: If you don't like something, just ignore it. But if it really seems problematic and malicious, why not contact the person directly and talk it out, or find ways to know their true intentions instead of making hundreds of hate-posts about them like some pissy children. This is such a toxic behavior.

About the whole Nazi stuff:

Don't get me wrong. Nazism is a sensitive topic, I understand that. But I think being offended by it right now, in the 21st century, is just so ridiculous to me. I understand it can get very annoying tho. They talk about WW2 and the Austrian painter on TV non-stop. But being offended by some art? Like, are you serious. Do you realize Nazi shit has been in so many fanfiction, stories and literature for so many years, and you have no reason to get offended by it? The Nazi concept has been used in so many media, whether just for a joke or a serious plot point. South Park, Family Guy, Indiana Jones, Marvel Universe, X-Men, The Boys, and God knows what else.. Would you get offended by a fanart of cute little fat boy Eric Cartman? Of course not. But I can easily say: ''He's a Nazi! You drew a cute fanart of him! You're a Nazi supporter!'' That's you. That's how you sound. Do you see how ridiculous that is? There are thousands of people shipping him with Kyle Broflovski, oh but he's a Jew, and they hate each other in the show. Yet there are artists who make ship art of them. Does anyone complain? At the end of the day, they're just fictional characters, and I rather ignore it even if it kinda annoys me. Btw, South Park is just an example of this issue, I'm not targeting anyone or anything specifically here.

The Brandit post:

I really need to go back and add something to that post of HABIT saying ''LET'S FUCK AND PISS OFF OUR ANCESTORS.'' which creeped Firebrand out (honest reaction). That quote seemed really harsh, I know. Was it bad humor? Yeah.. But do I regret drawing this? At this point, I must say no. I did not stutter. As I said, I will be brutally honest from now on. Do you think HABIT wouldn't say that? Do you think he wouldn't say something sexual to a Jewish person, or frankly to anyone really? Yes, he would!! It's in his nature, he's fucked up. Are we trynna ignore the fucking scene of HABIT pulling the jerk off gesture at Noah?? Did we all not see the same thing?? He is like this. He makes fun of him while adding Christmas decorated borders on a letter for him. He's aware Noah is Jewish, yet he pulls a sexual gesture at him. Don't try to deny this one.

About the symbols... From what I've just said, I drew the little symbols there next to them (Star of David and Hakenkreuz) because I wanted people to see and realize the fact that these two guys are a Jew and a (former) Nazi, which people have been sweeping under the rug, not me. Also, if anyone remembers the post I made, I believe I wrote ''I should have put Christmas borders there as well/jk.'' under it or something like that. I removed it later on because people didn't seem to get it. It was obviously a reference to Severance. Everything I draw is a fucking reference. That being said, this post was made for awareness, not romanticization, and I do not ship them, neither romantically nor platonically, I just really like drawing them together, because if their iconic trope, canon interactions, mutual respect and shared spite for Slenderman, and the fact that HABIT helped Noah many times. That's it. Also, I wouldn't ship HABIT with anyone romantically. That is just wrong in so many levels.

Canyouseethewords blog and Sebastian's Journal:

If you didn't grasp the point of the Josef Mengele post either, go read Canyouseethewords blog here on Tumblr. It's part of the EMH lore. Basically, this blog belonged to Evan's girlfriend Stephanie, but HABIT takes over the blog later on and makes various posts about infamous real serial killers, such as Ed Gein, Jack the Ripper, and even the Nazi doctor, Josef Mengele. Whether HABIT wanted to imply that he's possessed those various people, that part of lore remains silent. At some point, I believed he's possessed those various people, so I wanted to to draw one of them, and I chose to draw Josef simply because I liked the idea of the connection with him and The Event from T12. That's it. And if that weren't the case that he's possessed any of those people, which would be rather a big relief, he's still possessed a different Nazi character in T12, which has been retconned. A character that no one really seems to know of, which is understandable. I get that some people don't want to analyze and support T12 anymore after what Adam did. In all honesty, I think sometimes it's best to separate the creator from the creation. I hate Adam, but I love T12. Anyway, in the story of Sebastian's Journal is a guy named Sergeant Heine who is (or was supposed to be) possessed by HABIT at some point. It implies to Severance where HABIT said he's been working with a group of Nazis on a particular project, including Sebastian. However, that connection has been retconned.

The HABIT/Nazi lore shit, people keep complaining and pissing about for no reason:

Listen, it was part of the lore for so many years that it's difficult to simply ignore it now. As someone who's been part of the Slenderverse fandom for years, going back, I just cannot think of it as a non-canon at this point. And I've already said the point of HABIT's character, and you all should know this by now. However I'll clarify it again anyways. The point is that he's an abomination of all the horrific actions humanity has committed, including atrocities of Nazism. He's done so many bad shit, as if eating a baby on screen wasn't enough, yet, of all the things he's done, people get mad over him being a former Nazi?? Like are you kidding me.. It's so ridiculous and hypocritical.

However... When I think about it, maybe HABIT was never even a Nazi, I mean- Working with them is one thing. He probably doesn't even give a single fuck about some ideology bullshit. He likely participated in the Nazi party purely for the sake of killing people. He wouldn't care less if his victims were Jews, Romani, or anyone else, he simply enjoys killing people for the sake of torture. Heck, he doesn't even remember the name of the party he was in. In Severance, he stuttered when trying to say ''Nazis'', which, in my opinion, was funny as hell. But that one is just an idea of his character.

Anyway. Even if HABIT wasn't a former Nazi at all, would it change anything? Absolutely not. He would still be the same horrible piece of shit he is. And sorry not sorry, but he was never meant to be a likable character. As a well-written antagonist, yes. But as a person? Hell no, so far from it. There is literally no reason for people to get mad over him being a former Nazi, and if you are, it's hypocritical of you, considering everything else he's done.

I must say one more thing, and it's the only thing I'm truly sorry for is that I didn't put content warnings and explanations on those posts. I made people angry unnecessarily for my impulsive actions.

I think that's all. Perhaps I've learned something by the end of the day, and I hope that at least some of you who are reading this, have learned something as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this (if you have), I appreciate it so much. See you on the flipside.

[weiwuxianismybae]

Wei Wuxian would NOT help Jiang Cheng torture demonic cultivators

So a while ago (and I mean a while ago), I saw the worst take at that moment. If it was just one poster I would have ignored it, but! There were at least 3 people and even art was drawn and all of it to say that if Jiang Cheng was really torturing those non-existent demonic cultivators, than Wei Wuxian would have happily helped his brother! And before anyone comes at me, I don't care what people do with their free time or with their skills. I'm an artist myself and would definitely not appreciate people telling me what I can and can't draw. It's not about that, it's just that their take was so bad that I couldn't ignore it and had to vent about it! So, where do I begin?

Well, let's begin with those demonic cultivators! (I know a bunch of people said it already, but I don't mind repeating it for the slow learners.)

Oh! And keep in mind that mdzs is a third person omniscient narration (not wwx's narration!) That's why we get to read direct thoughts of so many different characters, not just Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng really did torture them. He admits it himself!

A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasn’t. Zidian definitely wouldn’t deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesn’t mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. It’s impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. I’ve done things like this in the past anyways. After thinking it through, he made a gesture. The disciples understood his intention and came over.

ExR ch. 10

His nephew, who lived half the time in Lotus Pier, also confirms it:

Wei WuXian asked, “Do you know why your uncle wants me?”

Jin Ling answered, “Yeah. He believes that you’re Wei WuXian.”

Wei WuXian thought, 'This time, it’s not merely ‘suspect’ anymore. He’s got the right person.' He asked again, “Then, what about you? Don’t you suspect it as well?”

Jin Ling, “It’s not the first time my uncle did such a thing. He has never let any of them go, even if it was possible that he caught the wrong ones. But, if Zidian couldn’t draw out your spirit, I’m just gonna trust that you’re not. Besides, he wasn’t a cut-sleeve, but you even dared to harass…”

ExR ch. 24

Even the Lan juniors speek of it! Reminder that gossip is forbidden, so this must not be gossip or at least the possibility of it being just some rumours is low.

Lan SiZhui tried to reason with him, “Young Master Mo, it was for your sake that HanGuang-Jun brought you here. If you do not follow us, Sect Leader Jiang will not be willing to let the matter go. During these years, there were countless people whom he caught and took back to Lotus Pier, and none of those people were ever let out.”

ExR ch. 11

And let's not forget the innkeeper from Yunping with her eyewitness!

Wei WuXian moved his gaze from Lan WangJi’s calm face with a short pause of surprise, “Lotus Pier is scary? How could Lotus Pier be scary? You’ve been there?”

The owner, “I haven’t been there myself, but I know someone who went because his house was being badly haunted. But it was all bad luck. That Sect Leader Jiang was cracking a glowing whip right on the training field. The victim’s flesh and blood flew as high as his screams! A servant secretly informed him that the sect leader caught the wrong person again, that he hadn’t been in a great mood, and that he definitely shouldn’t be irritated in any way. He was so scared that he dropped off the gifts he brought and fled at once. He never dared visit again.”

ExR ch. 92

So. There is no point arguing that Jiang Cheng didn't torture those poor people demonic cultivators. So, how about Wei Wuxian? Would he have helped his "brother"?

No.

The answer is simply no.

Wei Wuxian is a kind and caring person. He would never judge and even less attack a person without a good reason. And before someone says, "But he killed so many people! Torture Wen cultivators, massacred 3000 cultivators in the Nightless City! Surely he would–" Let me stop you right there. It was war. Like Mianmian once said:

The woman tried hard to protest, “The Sunshot Campaign is a battlefield. On the battlefield, would it mean that everyone is killing indiscriminately? Let’s consider this as it stands. I really don’t think it’s right to say that he killed indiscriminately. After all, there is a reason. If the inspectors really abused the prisoners and killed Wen Ning, it wouldn’t be called killing indiscriminately anymore, but rather revenge...”

ExR ch. 73

(This passage is in case someone argues that the deaths of those guards were also unjust.)

Wen Chao and his people massacred Wei Wuxian's home. He had every right to exact his revenge. In case someone forgot, this is seen as just by the cultivation world:

Xiao XingChen spoke as though he couldn’t believe Xue Yang’s words, “Chang CiAn broke one of your fingers in the past. If you sought revenge, you could’ve simply broken one of his fingers as well. If you really took the matter to heart, you could’ve broken two, or even all ten! Even if you had cut off an entire arm of his, things wouldn’t have been like this. Why did you have to kill his entire clan? Don’t tell me that a single finger of yours was equal to more than fifty human lives!”

ExR ch. 41

And after that, he never went after people that did him nothing wrong! He even protected the Wen Remnants. (Unlike a certain someone that holds a grudge until the very end, even after that person had saved him countless times!)

In case of the Nightless City, let me paraphrase Wei Wuxian: who attacked whom first? Who had gathered 3000 cultivators to pledge to kill 50 innocent elderly, sick and a child? Who went against their word to let the matter go?

Wei Wuxian is the moral compass and we should aspire to be more like him. This is how MXTX wrote him. He would have never helped his "brother" (they were never brothers, people, let it go already) torture and kill innocents. And he would definitely not relish in it.

+ Bonus

The same innkeeper from Yunping about some rando with surname Wen:

The owner, “Also, I’ve heard of another person who was scared away.”

Wei WuXian, “Scared away by what?” It couldn’t have been when Jiang Cheng was whipping someone again, could it? Just how often did Jiang Cheng capture people and whip them?

The owner, “No, no. It was his misfortune. The person’s surname was Wen, and that Sect Leader Jiang’s archenemy happened to have the surname of Wen as well. He's hating on everyone in this world whose surname is Wen. Whenever he sees one, he’d grind his teeth in hatred, wanting to skin them alive. How could he give a single friendly look to...”

ExR ch. 92

Good thing that guy's name wasn't Wen Kexing or it would have been Jiang Cheng who was tortured to death!

[sepublic]

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            We got ANOTHER promo y’all!!! It’s technically a trailer but it’s thankfully very brief, given the runtime it’s hyping up is only two episodes, compared to usual TOH trailers that are advertising at least nine episodes! This is an official release and NOT a leak!

         First off, Luz’s laptop!!! She’s doing this 11:09 pm at just 20%, she’s got references to Stardew Valley and Hollow Knight on her desktop, and I think that one Hades game? The one with Zagreus? Anyhow the Hollow Knight references are REAL, coupled with the S1 intro, makes you wonder if it influenced stuff like Hollow Mind…!

         Luz also has a Good Witch Azura fanfic file! And she’s recently made art since her return to the human world; You can’t see all of it, but it appears to the Owl House’s roof, in a parallel to how the intro usually ends with Luz, Eda, and King on the roof when she ignites a light spell and pushes it into the sky! Augghhhh she’s coping…! And her username is @FriendofOwlsandTitans… Oh my GAWD! She accepts King as a TITAN she’s a friend to TITANS!!! Original art do not steal, just like her GF!

         “All I ever wanted was to be good at something”… Good lord, if that doesn’t summize SO much about Luz. Her feelings of inadequacy. Her initial dreams of being a chosen one. Her desire to help others and be of service to them. Her need to JUSTIFY her own existence, to quote her girlfriend… That hit hard. Like I know but OW.

         She’s making video diaries again as we guessed, but this time to HERSELF; Girl needs a place to vent, good for her! She probably stayed up and snuck to the kitchen to let herself indulge in her dark feelings and thoughts alone. Did Luz make a video for Eda and King and eventually give up, being forced to confront herself inward without any distractions? She says she knows what she has to do now, is… Is Luz about to do something rash? Something involving Belos? Babey don’t hurt yourself, or maybe she just means the general principle of making thing right!

         Then skipping past stuff we DO know, we see Luz and Hunter dressed up for Halloween! Hunter has a HOOTY mask, likely meant to invoke his Golden Guard persona, and Luz is honoring King OH MY GAWD WAAAIIIIII!!!!! She’s MOURNING her Titan brother, just like she mourned Eda! They’re in a dilapidated house, the shack where the Portal opens? They’re armed… Probably investigating paranormal activity, AKA Belos. This fits with another shot of them entering a basement with the same coloring as the house, atop the stairs!

         We get a proper look at Amity and Gus’ new designs in the show’s own art style! They look AMAZING… They painted Hooty’s face on the door, pffft, but also ouch. The longing. Treating this place as an earthly version of the Owl House because it kind of is with its role and even coloration! If they miss Hooty you KNOW it’s been a while. Willow must’ve grown flowery vines outside to spruce up the place, it seems to have been converted into a fulltime hideout! If this was the old Wittebane home, I’m sure Caleb would appreciate it… Philip on the other hand.

         The door seems to have just… Opened on its own as Amity looks back. Or did somebody, probably Luz and/or Hunter (seeing a glimpse of Gooplos?) quietly leave, and Amity only notices when she hears the door swinging behind them?

         We have a hand, either Amity, Willow, or Hunter’s, reaching out to some glow-in-the-dark night decorations; Including a symbol of the moon and sun. This is likely one of the characters mourning and being reminded of the Collector, rather than in-universe connection.

         We see our cast, sans Luz, looking at some sort of box with styling reminiscent of the Portal! Not only does it suggest it was actually Caleb and his wife who made it (and Philip plagiarized), but also! Caleb must’ve left it behind in the human world. When Flapjack was pecking at the floorboards, was it to find this? It must be a clue, perhaps on how to make a portal, a Titan’s blood rift, etc.! Is this distraction what got Luz to sneak out earlier?

         There’s some sort of book page we see next, presumably the contents of the box the kids found given their hands! I’m not sure the significance of the symbols, but the bottom one reminds me of the curse… Or is it just a reference to Clawthornes loving birds, AKA his wife? Is that some sort of teardrop? Maybe it’s Titan’s Blood and that’s meant to be a FURRY arm of a Titan! And what even IS that thing to the right?!

         Hunter says “Did you know that HE was here?!” In a distressed voice. Is this him potentially confronting one of our protagonists for keeping information about Gooplos’ potential survival, regardless if they actually knew and were hiding? Or him talking about Philip and Caleb to perhaps Luz, with the realization that either was a town founder, and inquring as to how Luz didn’t notice!

         Then we get Gus and Hunter THE BROS dressed up for Halloween, Hunter doesn’t want to hear spoilers because Gus is likely talking about a recent human hyperfixation of theirs! Brothers.

         And then, finally… Luz and Hunter aren’t here, it’s just the other kids, maybe those two are at some other part of the zoo more personal like the aviary…

         WE GET THE LONG-AWAITED ANSWER TO THE GIRAFFES!!! AFTER TWO YEARS, ARGUABLY THREE IF YOU CONSIDER WHEN THE FIRST TEASER THAT MENTIONED GIRAFFES WAS RELEASED!!! Since the very beginning, we have been haunted by this question and whether they’d answer it, but now… NOW…! It all comes to light.

        The kids are obviously scared and locking arms in preparation, that’s so cute, venturing into ancient territory that hasn’t been traversed for generations. WILLOW HAS HER HAIRCLIP FROM WING IT LIKE WITCHES!!! Was it a gift from Amity, I MISSED IT SO MUCH! She takes a picture and a Giraffe, recognizing natives from its home realm, FREAKS… 

       We get one idea of why Giraffes were banned and it makes sense. God the kids’ reactions are so funny. Of course Willow the Bravest is bold enough to step ahead and take pictures for the rest! This is such adorable levity and I appreciate the closure, this is their one chance so of course they’d take it after two months of debating if they should risk it! Mayhaps they regret that risk now.

[castlebyersafterdark]

raaah vinny I'm still thinking about that part of your drinking hc post where mike has a little group of more local friends, and the detail that he's the more subdued one but gets chatty once he loosens up makes me so giddy 🥹 we can see elements of that already when he's with the party

I also enjoy the idea that of course they have some circles of friends that are their own and not mutual! So on that note - do you think those friends have met will or seen pics? Is mike able to be out to them? Or they just know all about him in general because of course mike is gushing about him any chance he gets. I wonder if they ever had a night in drinking and mike hosted it so they got to see will's gorgeous self all cozy padding around his home, or if will ever does go say hi at the bar one time. so many thoughts, sorry I'm having hc's of your hc now 🙈

Yessss HCs of HCs is the joy of fandom, inspiration flowing. I really love and need to bask in the idea of Mike having a little group of new friends in his post-Hawkins, adult life. Because he's the type who could easily slip into solitude, or cling to just their partner, but I don't want that for him. Gotta envision a Mike with a support group and a friend group with the Party now split to different cities, etc. Still in touch, but it's different now. I like Mike because he's not easy to shove into a this-or-that, not everyone is so easily "introverted or extroverted" and he's a fun one to think about it. Comfortable, he's so charismatic!! Are these college friends, work friends? Maybe both. I like to envisioned he got an entry level kinda shit job at some publishing company right outta college, maybe a pal from school also got hired there, too, and they form a little group with some guys.

This got out of hand, the rest of this lengthy ramble under the cut:

Nerdy go-getter writer types, vastly differing personalities but it's a squad. Young twenty somethings in the city. Will has his art friends, Mike has this group. Mutual friends in common, too, but it's super healthy to also maintain your own things. I think they do eventually meet Will though, as time goes on. The college buddy already knows about Will, but with the new group? Mike's gotta test the waters, subtly discover vibes. Saying partner is still such a flag. It's the 90s but it's still only the 90s. He really likes these guys. I like to think in some way the college buddy makes some gay-positive comment at one point, which makes Mike's blood run cold at first, initial panic over the group's reaction, he meets his friend's eyes first out of fear but appreciation for taking the initiative and burden. But it's fine. Nothing makes it seem like the others are unsafe. Mike eventually jokes when one of the guys is trying to pick up girls at a bar, confirming he's spoken for. References his partner. Boyfriend is one of his favorite words but it's a terrifying word. But the implication is made, the groundwork laid.

Drinking one night, they're all a little lit up, laughing and venting about work. Hanging at the pool table, beer bottles filling the high top nearby. Mike on some ramble, slipping into waxing poetic about Will this, Will that. "Who's Will?" "His partner. Will's the best. Oh." His college buddy wants to sink into the floor, he fucked up, he fucked up big time. Mike breezes by with a dreamy "Yeah, Will's the best, the other day yap yap yap..." and all is fine, it's a natural addition to the conversation. Floodgates opened. The weight has left his shoulders. When they hang out and one of the guys talks about his girl, Mike adds an anecdote about his boy. Mike talks about Will's art expo, Mike mentions some movie he and Will saw together, Mike invites the guys over to watch some sports thing at his place one Saturday night. He could care less about the game, what sport is it again?

But he and Will have a really nice TV they splurged on for video gaming, and everyone gathers at their apartment for the first time instead of elbowing into drunks at the shitty sports bar they typically prefer. At home, totally comfortable. Mike initially the tiniest bit hesitant, but Will was so excited to finally meet Mike's friends. He'd been invited out to their drinking nights a few times, but Will hadn't yet taken Mike up on the offer, not wanting to intrude despite Mike insisting he'd want him there. That's Mike's thing. It's ok. But this is their apartment, their home. Will's having fun playing bartender, he mixes a mean drink, impresses one of the guys when he goes shot for shot with him at one point. Mike giggling and bright and beaming at the scene as Will makes tossing back liquor look graceful rather than sloppy like his pal. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand with a wink towards Mike, such a weak man when it comes to the sort of expression Will is sending him. Something exciting happens in the game. The group's raucous attention turns back to the screen. Will feigns interest but Mike's draped over him, hugging him from behind with his chin on Will's shoulder as Will braces to watch with palms gripping the couch, also pretending to care about sports.

They're both a little unsteady on their feet. Secure with each other even just feet away from the display of macho jubilation in the living room, funny to them because these guys are also all just such nerds too for the most part - young and hungry writers vying for a promotion or a big break, trying to make it in the industry, in the city, searching for connections and love and companionship all the same. Geeking out over the gaming systems neatly organized under the TV console, eager to dig into that once the football game is over. Including Will in conversation all the while and Mike really, really likes his friends.

Mike leads Will over to the big plush armchair diagonal in the living room, pushed up against the wall. It's so unhesitant and natural to fall into the chair like they often do, Mike half up on the armrest while Will curls up next to him, head tucked up under Mike's neck while Mike's got one arm loose around his waist, the other hand brandishing a beer. He's gesturing wildly with his hand as he rambles on about something in the game that he does not fucking understand while the other guys banter back. Will steadies his arm when the beer threatens to spill over them both. They're all laughing. One of the guys bemoans missing his girlfriend, says maybe he'll bring her next game since she kinda digs football, too, and their TV at home is garbage and she hates going to the bar. Will tells him to definitely bring her, tells everyone they should bring their partners if they have someone, they'll make it a whole thing in a few weeks for the Superbowl. His voice stutters on partner, despite the fact that he's currently sitting in a man's lap, unable to hide or deny. It's still an adjustment when unfamiliar eyes and ears are on him, after all this time. But, he has to be brave. He likes being brave when he can.

Everyone's down for the plan. He looks up at Mike, wincing a little, hoping he didn't overstep. He gets one of Mike's stunning, soft smiles that abates his worry. Mike hugs him closer, kisses the top of Will's soft brown hair that's tickling his nose. He's so damn happy. Both of them are. ❤️

[slutshamethesquirrels]

i just wanna vent about something that happened yesterday and no one has to read this or care but i just woke up and its still on my mind so

tw: body image issues

so, as we all know, i am fat. I stand about 5'6 as well. so i am not a tiny cutesy lil bunny girl, okay?

now, i love my body. on most days, i think im pretty hot even. i have tattoos and piercings, a mullet, an hourglass shape, big butt, big thighs and a relatively small waist in comparison to the rest of me. I do have a belly OBVIOUSLY but ive even learned to love that after multiple men have fallen over themselves just to get the opportunity to worship it.

but it took me a LONG time to get there. up until age 23 or so, i was always dressed in oversized clothes, hiding everything thing i could, my self esteem was in the toilet. i didn't do my hair or makeup, it didn't matter because in my mind i would always be fat and ugly.

onto the story:

so i work at an art store, we also sell jewelry and clothing and lots of gemstones. its very mountainy, the point of our store is to be able to share the Appalachian culture with others.

we have these gemstone stretch bracelets that are pretty popular, but sometimes the inner band gets worn down when customers come in and play with them too much. it happens.

so some of my first customers the other day were not my usual clientele. they were a younger (20s?) african American couple dressed very in tune with current fashion. (our typical demographic is middle aged white women)

i give em the whole rundown yada yada local art lemmie know if you need me here are our sales and go back to rearranging earrings. they didn't seem interested in talking to me and thats fine i actually prefer the customers who don't like to engage much. they're standing on business just like me; there's being shopping and mine being these fucking earrings that make me wanna die.

so they poke around and i do my job and eventually the girl brings up one of our gemstone bracelets and a ring her up, cut the tag off so she can wear it out and i thought that would be the end of it.

a few minutes later she brings it back to me with one of the inner bands busted and says "i think i broke this, im sorry." i tell her its fine and walk her over to the display so we can pick out a replacement and she points to one and i get it down for her and take the broken one off her wrist and slide the new one on and as im doing this im casually customer servicing "dont worry, this happens sometimes, its not your fault. kids think these are toys so they come in and strech them too far and then the band wears down yada yada blah blah"

and she, so quietly and so sad, goes:

"i think im just too big for them"

and it wasn't until this point that i realized what was happening. i hadn't realized how big this girl was until she said that. she was fat, too but probably had a better bmi than me because she was TALL, maybe six foot? Wide frame.

but it just made me so sad. i assured her that wasn't the case, that smaller people broke these all the time but i was so overwhelmed bc yall this girl was gorgeous.

she dressed nice, her skin was clear (and soft from what i could tell touching her wrist), her hair was slicked back in cute little puff balls and she smiled absolutely intoxicating like there was no reason for her to hate anything about herself. she had pretty chocolate puppy dog eyes and long lashes and full lips and she was so SO pretty like im telling you guys. she wasn't even wearing makeup!! just out here naturally looking like that.

anyway maybe im just not doing well but its the next day and i can't stop thinking about her. i literally woke up in tears over it. of course i told her that wasnt true but i couldve done more. I couldve hugged her and told her how beautiful she was i was just so shocked i dont know.

i hope shes doing okay, i don't think ill ever forget her.

[synthshenanigans]

woah hey a year has been passed wowie :0

First two weren't posted here cos they were too long ago & not CJish related but love the way he took up 70% of the year lol

[ Full images + templates below :} ]

[TW for Bright Colors, maybe blood & very very vague themes of depression/suicide for like 2 drawings I believe]

Long text about the arts if anyones actually curious!!

January: An old OC I completely forgot about until making this. He's based on old radio like things :}

February: Played Person 5 Royal last year & drew Joker cos idk he's neat. Fun fact, the same day I fully finished the game was the day Storm & a Spring came out. Also while grinding in the game, I had his Bidding & VoaC covers on repeat. Which was a bit annoying to do since they weren't on Spotify yet & YT on mobile didn't have looping then.

March: The Hawaii Part ii album cover :} I did post that eventually but that's the time I actually made it. Had listened to TME a couple of months before then which got me into the album, so months later I drew it cos why not? [Also the month Vol.1 fully released on everything. What's funny is my gallery for that day was a handful of memes I saved at 4am before I fell asleep. And then the next image saved is when I woke up which was a screenshot of the whiteboard in TfaR lol]

April: First main Jash art !!! And its not even with any of the songs from Vol. 1 lol. I had his Moss cover on repeat again & now that all of Vol. 1 was out, I drew Heart in some moss. Or really in the image from the video.

May: Lil animation I made of Heart with the song Don't Hit the Lights! Link to my post & the song can be found here :}. Still really like the song & even the drawings. Might remake em eventually idk

June: Sky/socialc1imb's Clue AU! I like murder mysteries & this one was real interesting so I drew it a lot lol. Might remake that one or one of the others I made at somepoint? It'll be a bit later if I do but ye

July: A redraw of a HMS piece I originally made back in May, based on the Three Wise Monkeys thing. I like the idea of it so I keep wanting to remake it.

August: I honestly can't remember if I posted that art or not. Actually yea I don't think I ever did PFFT. It's one of the few drawings I did of myself this year & its from CJs Not Perfect cover [as you can tell by the lyrics on it]. Also one of the very very few vent-ish arts I made. I like the background more than anything but its still neat ig?

September: Art for one of the best songs ever. I love Fine, I'm Fine its so good & I listened to it for like 70% of the 20+ hours it took me to make the drawing. Still proud of it so there's the sketch I drew on paper, the one on my tablet & then the final versions.

October: There was a lot from this month due to Jashtober. I still like this one lot & it wasn't insanely rushed so I picked this one to show lol.

November: I have no idea why I made a fun lil soul. I was having an identity crisis over my art style & ig decided to draw the guy who is a walking identity crisis/j

December: Same as September. One of my favorite songs ever was covered & released, so I made a drawing like everyone else lol.

[randomness-is-my-order]

warning: super hot take incoming, pls don’t kill me people, ik it’s not that serious but i gotta RANT.

so, idk why but i absolutely hate the intolerance some fans (cough twitter cough) has for new fans of the series. they take every new contrary opinion by first time watchers as a personal affront and make SO many snarky remarks about such pointless things i hate going on there even though i want to since i love supporting all the art there. but the atmosphere is just so hostile to unpopular opinions. everyone HAS to be super pro-percabeth, has to believe percy never even remotely liked rachel, has to subscribe to memefication of characters and call percy all sorts of loser-y names and treat annabeth like a queen who can do no wrong and have no criticisms for the show or certain characters or the posts made by big accounts and i’m just. so. 😭 i just want to see some wholesomeness on that site and nuance but maybe every social media will have its own type of fandom culture and while tumblr is amazing for more in-depth (but also hilarious) discussions about the show and the books, twitter is its own kind of insular echo-chamber enjoyed by those who can mesh in with the way things work there.

just to make clear here: i’m a big time percabeth shipper and love percy and annabeth to bits but if a show watcher came and told me they don’t ship percabeth or don’t find annabeth or percy all that interesting, i’m not gonna blow a casket because their opinion is valid and they are NOT deserving of jokes and snark that belittle their judgement of the characters. i just think that makes the fandom such an unwelcoming place for new fans and discourages productive discourse in favour of this weird herd mentality of mass-held opinions that more often than not skews people’s perception of the events of the books or characterisations. idk man, i shouldn’t be venting about this and i probably won’t ever again but ugh, i just hate it when longtime fandoms slowly turn toxic in these bizarre gatekeepy ways and i don’t wanna see that happen with pjo now that it’s been resurged in such a wonderful way by means of the show.

[kix-mm]

G/t build up and break down

Holy shit 54 votes??

Also side note: due to my health I wasn't able to make any art for this post as promised, it'll be released in a separate post and the continuing art will be of what I've made in the past. I'm really sorry but I don't want to keep you all waiting :(

T had always been a sensitive soul, not only to sound and touch but to words too, and yet, somehow they managed to always keep themselves calm and collected, never showing those who would hurt their feelings a single care in the world... they would suppress their feelings, which was already difficult and unhealthy, but it only became harder over time...

G had gotten so used to T being unaffected by their words that G slowly but surely became more and more careless with their teasing, making downright nasty comments about T without actually realizing it hurt their friend, what was even worse is that T also tended to agree with everything G had to say, breaking down any slither of self-worth they still had.

T at this point considered G more of a bully than their friend, but still stuck by them, for days, weeks, months, and a whole 2 years this went on before it finally became too much to handle.

T was emotionally drained and just wanted to be left alone... but unfortunately, G had noticed that T was more quiet than usual, and was being extra pushy to get T to open up to them, G was persistent, too persistent...

"You're so sensitive"

That very last comment made wasn't even the worst T had heard, yet that was what made T finally break into tears, they cried and cried and cried, rubbing the tears away for only more to come streaming down their red cheeks, they just stood there, sobbing profusely. They didn't care what G thought of them anymore, they were hurt, they had put up with G's careless commentary and this is what they got for not being honest about their feelings.

G sat there, completely silent, they had never seen T cry before, and they weren't sure what exactly caused it but G knew that they had probably gone too far... but how? What had happened to T that made them cry this much? Who hurt them so badly that they didn't want to tell their best friend? G was furious at first and was about to persist before T started to spill the truth, how hurt they felt, how the teasing had become more painful than fun after a while, and how they regretted not speaking up sooner...

G slowly picked up the other, gently wiping their tears away with their sleeve and just listening to everything they had to say... this went on for about an hour and T had finally fallen silent like they were before, only this time they looked worried, they had said things that they had never said to anyone before, ever, and the last person they wanted to suddenly vent to was the one who had made them feel like this in the first place... but G didn't get upset for what T had said, instead they were frustrated why T never told G about it until today.

"Did you mean all that you said?" G asked while looking at T, lying curled up in their hand.

"No- I mean- I" T could already feel more tears filling their eyes, and it hadn't even been 2 minutes since they last cried

"Don't backpedal now" G said in a harsh tone and made T face them "I'm not mad at you for saying all that to me, I'm mad that you never said this before. Why? Did you think I would have hurt you? Are you so scared that you would rather suffer in silence than try to communicate with me? Did you think I tried to hurt you on purpose?"

"Yes... I was scared, I was terrified! I didn't want to say anything in case you thought I was being too sensitive." T said while tubbing their eyes

"I wouldn't have thought that! Maybe you are sensitive, there's nothing wrong with that, please just don't do that ever again, okay? I'll be more careful with my words, I promise you can tell me in the future if I hurt you" G never made promises unless he knew they could keep them, and he did, it took T a long time, a very long time. But they got better, more honest, more vocal about how they felt and their opinion on certain things, they were less afraid of their friends reaction because they felt safer around G.

[dearweirdme]

you know I have always been one of the first in lines fighting to defend Tae from that rumor, I'm 100% positive that is mediaplay still but something shifted these days as in yes it was mediaplay but ultimately Tae did choose to take part in that paparazzi walk( albeit he didn't look happy at all I think I have reasons to believe that even if he was somehow coerced he probably was made to feel like he had some negotiation power too) and honestly I guess I felt more adamant to defend him bc i saw how much he tried to fight the tide and separate himself from all of that ( the wv live in the airport, these insta pic changes being the last example etc and seeing ppl disrespecting his agency and his right to state himself his own truth really pissed off me a lot ) but I started to think these last days what's the point in him doing all of that when he agreed to do that walk and he must know what would happen otherwise why did he even agreed, what is he even fighting himself doing little things to separate himself from being associated to this person when he will forever be associated,for the gp and fandom itself and as you said once this will be in the historial of his live forever? By doing all of that it's like he made us, the fans who cared for him and were paying attention to him fr want to defend him too and literally fight air because there is nothing to defend when he did that walk, when the purpose of that walk being met. I'm not saying he did any of that with the purpose of having fans fighting on his name at all, I don't think so but that's what happened, I guess I'm feeling disappointed these days bc i see no need for him to even fight against all of this when this issues reached the levels it did when he chose to do the walk. I'm also disappointed bc i think anything he might do that would have been considered brave and important about his identity before loses weight completely now, him smooching jk's cheek on the party and uploading it, him being bold etc bc no one but a small group of ppl considered delusional by everyone will see this for what it is. He can do a lot now only bc no one it's going to take him/it seriously.

I used to be pissed by Holland behavior that one time but I even kinda can get the frustration now. Tae is safe or at least has reduced the risk at a minimum now to do whatever bc everyone thinks he dates women. And some ppl be crowing him as an LGBT icon when some other idols have actually exposed themselves honestly to a lot more without any security plan to fall back into. And that actually feels like being brave and doing something. Not making everyone who supports you look like a delusional clown and make the thought of you being queer laughable to most ppl. Moonbyul being a pretty good example of someone who has been direct and brave.

Im sorry I really needed to vent, I have loved Tae for a lot of time ( not that i dont love him now but sometimes i cant shake the disappointment and the distaste of not being able to enjoy his content without seeing him being constantly related to ppl I don't like at all) and I'm open to anyone making me feel different about this situation

Hi anon!

Let me give you my perspective on this and maybe that will make you see things differently as well.

Tae is moving within certain boundaries. It is most likely that there are actual clauses in his contract that tell him what he can and cannot share publicly. That goes beyond plain saying that he is queer. That also goes for the level of queerness he can show through art and media. Basically I feel he is able to show queer media and art, but not adress it as such. Going beyond that would probably mean he’d be breaching his contract, which could lead to monetary penalties… and when it goes too far he could be kicked out of BTS (not that I think it would ever go that far). I think it’s possible that with this new contract, things have become more loose though. BH/Hybe doesn’t want to lose Tae, because he is one of the most popular members and losing any member would look bad. So I think there was some leverage there.

In my opinion it should not be underestimated how bad things still are for queer people in SK. Artists loose their careers over it stil. People like Holland are absolutely very brave and I hope within time there will be more and more like him. But you cannot compare one person’s choices with that of another’s. I think Tae possibly discovered his sexuality when he was already under contract with BH.. that would mean he had the choice to either hide, or to break his contract… leave BTS… and be left with a shitload of debt (because you don’t simply leave a contract). He would have no perspective of any career after that.. losing all his dreams and all chances of having any influence at all. It is an impossible choice maybe.. or maybe not.. I don’t know. Has he chosen to leave BH would his life have been easier, better? He would still have had to deal with severe homophobia. So I don’t think Tae had much options but to hide in the first case. It is not something he chose.. it was basically decided for him. Contracts are no fun anon, they basically chain them to the company in many many ways. I don’t think Tae ever had the option to be as open as Holland. And I think that is something he struggled with greatly. So if that walk was something he agreed to just because it would give him some more room to be authentic, I am absolutely not holding that against him. It doesn’t make him bad or whatever, it makes him someone who needs a bit of room to breathe.

In general I don’t feel Tae owes us much. Speaking for myself, I am here completely voluntarily and completely aware of forever being shit on by the rest of fandom. I’m of the opinion that both Tae and Jk aren’t actually fighting to be out and open.. so that probably makes my perspective on this different than yours. I think they’re just trying to live their lives and what we see of them is just stuff we pick up on.. because we pay attention. I always see myself as a bystander and not a participant in this. But.. that’s just me ofcourse.

So how did we end up here; Tae doing a walk with Jennie. Looking at it from a practical side, it was only one walk.. half an hour tops. If we assume he did agree to it and he wasn’t actually forced all the way, for him that was probably doable, and if he traded that for more freedom to be authentic.. to insert more queerness in his work (which is eventually what people will remember him by), then I think the trade probably looked worth it. Ultimately it wasn’t a fair choice ofcourse, because trading anything for freedom to be yourself is insane.. freedom should always be yours. But I do think the company possibly sold it that way.. and being used to having no freedom for years, maybe to Tae it did seem like a chance. It is ofcourse also possible they made him do this, but it’s not something I’m leaning towards personally.

It is not something Tae would’ve done/come up with himself. Tae didn’t go “yeah, I want to do a papwalk with Jennie for fame and attention”… people are right when they say he didn’t need that. He was not enthusiastic. And I think he was very over it all soon after.

The way I see it.. is that possibly Tae gave away a small part of himself to do something he felt is necessary in a broader way. His new mv is so important! To have such graphic display of queerness is so important! Especially from someone as famous as Tae. Imagine all the young queer fans he has seeing that! Tae knows what kind of influence he has. He has probably missed seeing representation like that himself when he was younger. I think this is what matters to him most and personally I just applaud him for that. Taennie will be nothing but a blimp on our radar in a few years, but his songs and mv’s… I think those will have an actual impact on many lives.