#also i love johnny knoxville hes my baby

[mariacallous]

According to the internet, I’m a “boy mum”. It’s not a term I’d heard until I gave birth to a baby boy. Suddenly, I was being bombarded with videos about the nightmare in store for me. This was footage showing the kind of destructive male-toddler behaviour that Jackass stars Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera would deem too risky. Meanwhile, their mothers were portrayed as longsuffering, harried, hard-as-nails veterans of the boy-toddler insane asylum.

My son is very physically active, but he’s also a gentle, cautious child, so this doesn’t resonate with me, or with several of the “boy mums” I know. (Meanwhile, some of the “girl mums” spend their days chasing their Tasmanian Devil-esque daughters like they’re in a Looney Tunes cartoon.) Yet it’s everywhere. Then, last week, I saw a report that found girls were playing outside less than boys, even at two years old – something that shocked the researchers, who hadn’t expected to see socialised gender roles emerging so early.

It didn’t shock me, sadly. Not when I’m regularly tearing my hair out in clothes shops trying to find something for my two-year-old son to wear that isn’t black or camouflage, like he’s a ninja, or a small soldier already primed for aggression.

“It’s not our fault, but we’ve all internalised that ‘boys-take-up-more-space’stereotype,” Kirstie Beaven, the founder of Sonshine magazine, a publication geared towards raising boys for a more equal world, tells me.

“Girls’ clothes are made for sitting still and looking pretty, while boys’ clothes are made for activity, even in the baby or toddler sections. Parents of babies tend to underestimate girls’ gross motor skills – expecting they will be less competent than boys at crawling or climbing – and we’re all more likely to encourage our sons to take physical risks, and expect our daughters to ‘be careful’.”

Beaven says that by the time our children are two years old, we probably don’t expect our daughters to need as much outside time. “Nor are they as comfy or confident when they are outside,” she says. “If your shoes are too flimsy to climb a tree or your T-shirt is cut uncomfortably short and tight, it’s not surprising you want to go home early.”

As a 90s tomboy kid raised in dungarees, this thought breaks my heart a little. A lack of outdoor physical activity will disadvantage girls from a young age, and these gendered expectations harm boys, too, as Ruth Whippman, author of the book BoyMum, tells me.

“The flipside of the ‘boys play outside more’ phenomenon is that parents as a whole give boys less of the kind of quiet indoor-type attention that they give to girls,” she says. “Wide-scale research across countries shows that from as early as nine months, parents spend more time with girls on activities such as learning letters and numbers, singing, drawing and telling stories. Girls now outperform boys at school and researchers believe these differences in parental time inputs account for a significant portion of the difference.”

What I loved about Whippman’s book was that it beautifully conveyed the internal battle many intelligent feminist mothers found themselves having when raising boys who may be conforming to certain stereotypes.

“When my three boys were small, people used to tell me all the time [that] ‘boys are like dogs – all they need is food and exercise, and just try to wear them out’,” Whippman says. “I used to absolutely hate it, as it seemed so dehumanising. But perhaps what I hated even more was the fact that in our case it was kind of true.”

Of course, like most mothers, she initially held herself responsible.

As with many of these questions, a complex interplay between nurture and nature is involved, and it’s stupid to deny biology any kind of role. Whippman highlights how male foetuses get a shot of testosterone in the womb that has been linked in other mammals to a tendency to play more roughly, while girls may be able to sit still and focus for longer at younger ages because the areas of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional self-regulation generally develop earlier in girls.

The point is, though, that parents often increase this divide by failing to correct their own unconscious biases and help their kids work on the areas where they could improve their skills. As Whippman puts it: “When it comes to gender, as parents, we end up turning small differences into big differences.”

Seeing how much my little boy needs me, how much touch, affection and reassurance he craves, has been one of the most educative experiences I’ve had since I became his mum. I’ve known many men whose feelings as little boys were neglected, often in contrast to the comfort and time any sisters’ emotional needs were given.

“If we don’t let boys express all parts of their personalities and emotional lives because they are just ‘wild monsters’, we are not only doing them a huge disservice, we are storing up problems in how they interact with others in later life,” says Beaven, who also says that the “boy mum” stereotype boiled her blood.

If we are to tackle the crises in violence against women and in male mental health, we need to be open about how damaging these stereotypes are for boys as well as girls. That starts with being honest with ourselves about how much we, as parents, are encouraging them. That’s why you’ll never find me identifying as a “boy mum”, no matter how much the internet wants me to.

[prettyyoungandbored]

Needy - Johnny Knoxville

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Fem!Reader (goes by Babydoll)

Warnings: This chapter contains sexual references and alludes to sex. There is also a v slight Daddy kink. It’s a touch spicy. Read at your own risk.

Author’s Note: Without giving too much away, the following was inspired by a real life prank that aired featuring Johnny.

NOT MY GIF

Johnny had no idea what was going on with Y/N. She kept shifting in the passenger seat and looking out the window. Her hands were buried in between her thighs.

Whenever he asked if she was ok, she’d hum and nod her head.

Maybe she had to go to the bathroom? Maybe she was getting sick?

“Need me to pull over, Babydoll?” he asked.

“Nope. I just wanna get to the hotel.”

“Ok then.”

He tried not to think too much of it, chalking it up to maybe she was just tired.

Meanwhile, Y/N was struggling. It took every ounce of her being not to throw herself at him. She’d been that way for the last couple hours.

She and Johnny had gone to a bar where he was teaching her how to play pool. He was in his element and sweet Jesus, was it a turn on for her. She watched as he flexed his arms while holding the pool stick, tongue peeking out in concentration.

He had been working out a bit at home. Nothing major, just lifting weights. It’s results dawned on her tonight and it took everything in her not to want to pounce on him right then and there.

Instead, however, she responded with touches to his arm and kisses on his cheek. He didn’t respond much, with the exception of rubbing her lower back.

It was easy to hold back in public. Now that they were alone, she just wanted to get him into the hotel room.

Her heart raced as she pulled her lips back. Her restraint was killing her inside.

The second they would get into their hotel room, she would pounce on him. She could feel it.

They pulled into the hotel parking lot and Johnny put the car in park. She went to open the door when she felt his hand on her thigh.

“What’s really going on with you?” Johnny asked. His eyes were laced with concern and slight fear that he’d done something wrong.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

She grabbed his face and smashed her lips against his. For a brief second, he didn’t kiss back as he tried to process what the fuck just occurred. But somehow, he picked it up and began kissing her back a little harder.

She crawled over to him, straddling his waist as she continued to kiss him. The way she sat down on his groin elicited a groan out of her, releasing a bit of tension that had built up inside.

She whimpered which caused Johnny to pull back. “Babydoll, what’s-.”

“I need you to fuck me,” she exhaled. “Either in here or in our room. I don’t care where.”

Johnny’s smirk widened. “You mean to tell me you were horny this entire time?”

“PJ, I’m not fucking around here.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s take this inside so we don’t give anyone a show.”

She groaned but nodded. “Let’s just hurry.”

They got out of the car as she hurried toward the front door. Johnny fought back laughter as he followed her closely behind.

They darted toward the elevator as Y/N silently prayed they would have it to themselves. Once she got a taste of him in the car, she found herself craving his touch again.

Luck was on her side when it was clear they would have the elevators to themselves. The second the doors, closed she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him again.

This time, however, he did not hesitate. He grabbed a handful of her hair on the back of her head with one hand as the other wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him.

He could feel his pants growing tighter by the second. Hopefully no one was hanging out in the hallway.

“Jesus you’re needy, baby,” he mumbled in between kisses.

“Is that a problem?”

He softly chuckled. “Not at all.”

Johnny kissed with a sense of urgency, which Y/N loved more than anything. He treated every kiss as if it was both the first and the last kiss they would share.

When he was in the kind of mood he was currently in, the kisses were desperate.

Just as his tongue was about to ask for permission, he pulled back. “Shit! I forgot to get more condoms.”

She waved her hand. “It’s ok. You can just pull out tonight.”

His dark eyes grew wide. “You serious?”

“Baby, please don’t do this to me,” she whined, throwing her head back. “I need you so bad.”

Johnny tightened his grip on her hair, pulling her back so they were eye level.”

“I know, cutie,” he said, hunger in his eyes. “I’m gonna take real good care of you.”

The elevator door opened and he led her through the hall. He opened the door to the hotel room.

“Get in there and get undressed for Daddy,” he purred.

She giggled and ran toward the bed when she let out at big scream.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Johnny hurried over to find a shirtless Don Vito lying on their bed. He not only wore his own underwear but he also had a pair of Johnny’s now torn boxers. The man was also surrounded by wing bones and wing sauce that was splattered all over the previously crispy white sheets.

“Hiya sweetheart!” he greeted with a big smile.

Johnny threw his head back laughing. “Holy shit, man!”

“Look, I’ve got your boxers on!” Don said, positing to the fully stretched out white boxers that clung onto his thighs.

Johnny continued to laugh as Y/N stood there, enraged. She normally didn’t mind their antics, but tonight was not the night.

“GET THE FUCK OUT VITO!” she screamed.

“Whoa! Hey now!” the man said as he got off the bed. “No need to yell.”

Just then, Johnny grabbed Don Vito’s wallet off the counter and ran out of the hotel room.

With the room all to herself, Y/N sighed in defeat. She walked over to the phone on the nightstand and dialed the front desk.

“Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you, but we need clean sheets and pillows in room 304.”

Real life video: https://www.reddit.com/r/jackass/comments/10gckak/johnny_knoxville_vs_don_vito/

[babybammargera]

Dating Dunn as Knoxvilles sister.

Dunn x female reader HC

I feel like in the beginning Johnny definitely raised hell.

Mostly bc you tried to hide it at first.

Dunn probably came to see you when you were visiting the boys while filming and got caught when Knox came to check on you in your hotel room.

Eventually tho he realizes there’s nothing he can do about it and chills out.

Well kinda. Any time you and Ry go out alone together he’s constantly texting even if the two of you just went for a drive.

Your boyfriend and brother are in a constant prank war so just try to stay out of the crossfire.

You’ve probably been woken up by an air horn wielded by your idiot brother trying to scare Ryan. (He forgot you were there)

Yelling at Knox for trying to shave chunks out of Dunn’s hair like he does to the others.

Knox saying things like “tell your boyfriend to shower and stop bitching about stunts. Also he tazed me like 3 times on set today”

And Ryan telling you things that same day.

“your brother told me I need to shower so I tazed him in the ass and Bam pissed on his shoe while he was talking to Jeff."

Johnny being supremely overprotective despite being okay with you dating.

“Don’t fuck up Dunn that’s my baby sister I’m not joking.”

Ryan of course rolls his eyes because he has no intentions of fucking this up.

He’s madly in love with you.

Like has his arms around you at all times even cramped in the crew van if you’re with him during filming.

He likes to annoy you by kissing you all over your face and sometimes that results in accidental beard burn.

He’s the biggest sweetheart and a huge teddy bear

Calls you doll face unironically.

And angel.

After a stressful day he’ll lay on top of you expecting cuddles and for you to play with his hair till he takes a nap.

“Hey angel. I had a long day can I just lay here for a bit?”

Which usually takes place on the couch and almost always gets the same reaction from Johnny if he’s at your house.

(Which is pretty often bc he’s nosy)

“Would you two get a room this is the grossest thing I’ve seen all day! And we filmed with Dave!”

Knoxville is also the type of brother to crash dates.

"Accidentally" shows up at the same place and insists that he joins.

It’s a pretty fun situation though.

[frothingatthemaw]

You in my head tbh

Jackass guy: Johnny ofc I mean come on

Cky crew member: Ryan

Color: baby blue and like a pale gentle yellow

Song: Roses are Falling by Orville Peck

Stunt/bit: ass kicked by girl coz it makes me think of what we talked about with Sunny (:

Fruit: Blueberries and watermelon super like,,, summer vibes

Dessert: Pie! Probably apple or some sort of berry

Aesthetic: whatever the hell ya call Knoxvilles aesthetic but specifically like Silver Foxville in Jackass Forever like that look

Plant: uhhh willow tree or babys breath

Time of day: Sunrise

Characters: uhhh you give me very Brian from the Breakfast Club I just adore that guy

Movies: Jackass duh and then probably bc of the previous the Breakfast Club, I really love that film. Maybe like uh Ferris Buellers Day Off too

dude i am so in love with you what the actual fuck /p

this is genuinely one of the best compliments ever??? holds this to my chest with PRIDE like a child with their fav stuffed animal. the ORVILLE PECK SONG????? i'm any kinda vibes of him??? DIES!!!! also..... silver foxville forever vibes??? omg.... (do i remind you any of all of the outfit he wore in the electric tap dance bit???) and blueberries and pie and sunrise and and and :((((( AHHHHH!!!! this is genuinely so so so so fuckin sweet. gonna think about this for the next week!

[powderblueblood]

I'm not the anon who asked about Lacy and Do Revenge but I'm so glad that they asked because I could listen to you talk about her all day, truly. And it also made me curious. are there other characters or media that helped inspire your version of Eddie?

HELL YES BABY!!!!!

so I love full tilt offbeat loser boy Eddie, that’s my brand, that’s the guy who can never catch a break as long as he fuckin lives except for when the mean hot chick across the way falls in love with him but also at what cost

high on the roster for my Eddie inspirations are Harry Lockhart from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Andy Botwin, Seth Cohen, Billy Bickle from Seven Psychopaths, Josie from Bottoms, Charlie Kelly, Gomez Addams (John Astin version), Johnny Knoxville lmao, Beavis and Butthead, the entirety of Heavy Metal Parking Lot and also the song Autoclave by The Mountain Goats

there’s definitely more but that’s him off the dome for me x

[thebonegoop]

Summer Memories

Sitting down as I write this; I can hear the splashes of water from children making cannonballs in the neighbor's pool and the subsequent banshee-like screams of a pack of now-drenched mothers yelling at their kids. I'm also sneezing gunk like I'm having a demon exorcised from my body (The Zelda Rubinstein way, of course).  

You may be asking yourself right now - Lincoln, what does that have anything to do with this post?  Well, my dear Watson, it means summer we are just beginning another summer! So, for the inaugural post of The Bone Goop, I'll discuss eight great summer memories!  

#1: Ice Cream Trucks

Okay, okay – Maybe I never had a traditional Ice Cream truck come down to my town – so sue me. I was raised in – said in my best George Burns Voice – God's Country—a place forgotten by all who didn't dwell there. But like an oasis in the desert, we did have one truck that came around town once a month - THE SCHWAN'S TRUCK. While serving primarily to adults looking for overpriced frozen steaks and vegetables, they did sell a minor assortment of ice cream goods. Let me tell you, orange cream push pops never tasted so good as when I bought one from the Schwan's man. He dressed in all white like Reggie from PHANTASM and would sometimes take pity on poor country kids by putting in an extra push pop for us to fight over like wild dogs.

#2: Summer Minutiae 

I'm a big fan of waxing poetically about life, so only I could think back so nostalgically about the utter boredom summer can bring as a kid. We all remember the highs that summer can bring, but there is also beauty in the lows. While I'd take riding bikes with my friends any day, many summers were spent alone, bored in my mother's backyard garden, watching fish in the pond or imagining a safari adventure through her overgrown Pampas grass.

And if one was truly bored in the summer heat, find the closest slab of concrete and a bucket of chalk and spend your day expressing the inner Ar·teest inside of you.

#3: Water Parks! 

I have a confession – I've almost drowned twice while visiting these water-themed wonderlands. I was 11 and full of youthful confidence in my swimming abilities as I stepped foot in Lexington's Pirate-themed water park during a trip with my best friend. That was until I was pinned underwater by a giant plastic riding Crocodile like I was in a Wrestling Federation match. It takes real love to enjoy something that tries to kill you.

#4: Sleepovers

As a kid, one of the best things about summer was the Sleepover with your buddies. A one-night no-holds bar contest of wills - fueled by junk food, movies, and chaos. We had it down to a science: Blanket forts, Hot Pockets on tap, Gameboy Colors holstered in our pockets ready with Pokémon (complete with link cables), and maybe most importantly the tape rentals. Setting the mood for the night was imperative, so finding the perfect movie was the priority. STAR WARS or JURASSIC PARK were the faithful standbys, but the best nights were when someone smuggled a VHS TV recording of ROBOCOP and HALLOWEEN. It was like sneaking contraband through airport security.

#5: Jackass

While the show was watched under cloak and dagger at night, my friends and I would often recreate the extraordinary stunts we saw during the day. Johnny Knoxville had a shopping cart, but we had a Big Wheel and trashcans! Hot summer days were spent building ramps up coal piles and flying off in terror. Hi, I'm Lincoln, and this is Jackass!

#6: Calling Your Bluff

Many of my formative summer years were spent at my neighbor's kitchen table playing various card games like Canasta and Poker or Scrabble. We didn't have air conditioning, so they'd make Kool-Aid pops out of plastic ice trays wrapped in plastic with toothpicks poking into each cube. These were MacGyver: The Adolescent Years.

#7: Yard Sales

Summer is Flea Market season, Baby! Truthfully, I don't make the time for Yard Sales like I used to, but rummaging through other people's trash was like second nature as a kid. So, it was even more devastating that my mom once went without me while I stayed with my grandparents.

The fogs of memory preclude me from knowing why, but I remember being extra grumpy about life while she was gone. The childhood vitriol melted instantly when she picked me up, and I saw the treasures she'd bought me – a pristine RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK VHS tape and a MONSTER IN MY POCKET figure!

#8: It's Good to Be King

Summer wasn't summer if it didn't include one trip to King's Island - the Ohio amusement park made of dreams and overworked costumed employees. At the time, every ride and character were made to resemble Hanna-Barbera properties. Having lunch with your partner is great, but having lunch with Scooby Doo AND Space Ghost? On top of riding roller coasters? That was pure magic.

The night was complete only if I bought a blue Candy Rock stick for the ride home. It was the perfect day (Ignore that everyone but me got Pinkeye on that trip.)

I hope these memories stirred up some of your own about the magic of Summer. Thanks!! 

[trylobite]

ok so i was tagged by @tantamount-treason to do this lil thing??? and ive been blessed w a bunch of new besties lately and im bored <3

1. vulnerability is..

i think most people see vulnerability as a weakness because thats what the media has always portrayed it as, but its really a strength in my opinion. being afraid of vulnerability can be so isolating and prevent us from forming solid, intimate relationships with people. learning how to be vulnerable and embracing vulnerability is learning how to understand ur emotions and how to project them in a way thats authentic. it sounds like bullshit but i swear once u realize being vulnerable is actively choosing to be open and honest about ur emotions ur life can get so much easier

2. you’re called to do something brave, but your fear is real and stuck in your throat. what is the first thing you do?

honestly…. doing something brave… being the overthinker i am that wording is leading me to believe that something perilous is involved and i just dont do well under pressure so probably i would cry and panic :) and do like a cute quick little pros and cons list idk this feels like a very time sensitive thing and thats just not my strong suit

3. what is something people often get wrong about you?

that im super confident and social and that i can easily talk to anyone. while i understand why people think this way, im actually only talkative because im nervous and dont like uncomfortable silence so im overcompensating by making pointless and fast paced conversation.

4. whats the last show you binged and loved?

maybe the good place or big little lies! i rewatched them both recently and theyre just literally perfect shows idk

5. give us a film you really love!!!

AHHH i have so many wtf um…i really enjoy the 2018 smash hit box office ball buster “ophelia” with rey from star wars (ms. daisy ridley) its just so good and it was all i could think of at the moment but i have so many movies that id die for and love so much so i dont think its fair to rank them

6. a concert you’ll never forget?

i went to atlive last november to see cage the elephant and greta van fleet but metallica was headlining. i assumed the metallica fans would be kind and caring but these specific fans were the exact opposite and ruined the experience for me sadly and ill never forget it since it was my first time seeing cage and theyre my favorite band in the universe :/// but thankfully i did get to see their performance as well as gretas and they both did awesome!!

7. whats ur favorite meal ?

bro i couldnt even tell you… some soup or bread idk hot girl meals u kno the drill

8. whats on ur nightstand right now?

ok so context. my nightstand is a three tier corner shelf so i put like my drinks n shit on there sometimes and like my rings but its mostly for decoration so right now on the top shelf we have 2 edward scissorhand funko pops and a fishtank cool tree decoration and an incense burner that looks like a japanese tower thing? and also a dobby figurine, then the next shelf down we have a shelf dedicated to frog memorabilia and has a salt lamp on it and then the next shelf down has some stuffies and books and a sketchpad!!

9. give us a snapshot of an ordinary moment in your life that brings you great joy.

this is hard bc i think i dont take the time to actually reflect on all the small simple things that bring me joy very often but recently ive started coloring in childrens coloring books (not the adult coloring books those r too elaborate) and that brings me so much joy. showering and being in the shower also brings me so much joy and peace i just feel so cut off from the world in the shower its nice :’)

10. what is one thing you’re deeply grateful for right now?

my cat! her name is newspaper but also bestie. like newspaper is her official name but i literally only call her bestie and she likes it. also my frog willie nelson i love him so much and i hope he lives forever and is immortal and rules the world. i also am thankful for books for being a place for me to run to when i feel really bad bc thats been happening kinda alot recently. OH and ofc for all my new pals as well as my old jackass pals aka my bff, boyfriend, husband, and life coach johnny knoxville aka pj clapp my angel <3

literally if anyone read all of these shit ramblings i will give u a big ole kiss on the cheek with consent bc thats fucking crazy and most of it was probably illegible so thank u

i dont really like tagging other ppl in these things bc it feels like a call out but ill do it anyways bc i wanna hear what u r gonna say <3 @viva-la-jackass1 @count-ravioli

[dunnswrld]

i loved the body shots fic!! could you do the same thing maybe with Johnny?

Lime, Salt, and Tequila

a/n: I could def try!

prompt: You and Johnny had been best friends for your whole lives, you two were practically inseparable. So when you two go to a party and Johnny accepts a challenge of getting the hottest girl to do a body shot off of what will happen when he chooses you?

warnings: Light smut, fluff(?), alcohol (duh), weed, partying (duh 2x)

When you came to this party with Johnny you weren't really expecting much, it was one of Steve-o's mutuals that was throwing it and Steve-o was told to bring anyone he would like. Steve-o was quick to tell all the Jackass members that there was going to be a sick party and that you all should totally join him.

What was surprising was how every member agreed- even Jeff and Rick were coming along. So you knew if you were the only one who declined the offer of going to the party you would never hear the end of it. But why would you even say no? Every Jackass member and even Jeff and Rick joining it was sure to not be a boring party.

But to make the party better your best friend since birth Johnny Knoxville was joining. It seemed to be apparent that if Johnny wasn't at a party or you weren't at the party the other wasn't going to be there either. This also went along with many other things like when you two were in school or even know during filming for Jackass, you two did everything together stunts, partying, normal activities, and even one time a bath, though you both were around two it still counts.

The reason you and Johnny were so close was because of how your mom and his mom were best friends which ultimately led you two to becoming best friends. But this also has led to countless talks with either of your families or even your friends about how you two should date, which would always make you and Johnny get flustered and quickly say you two are just friends and nothing more.

"Pj do you think there's like aliens?" You loudly asked over the song that was blasting through the house as you leaned against the wall next to your taller friend, loud . "You need to stop smoking." Johnny laughed, "Oh shut up. You need to stop drinking." "Maybe we should switch then." Johnny said looking down at you, his drunken gaze covered by his infamous sunglasses. "I'd rather die than drink, it always makes me feel like hell."

"Yeah last time you drank you threw up all over my favorite leather jacket." "Do you always have to bring that up?" "Yes I do cause you ruined it." You playfully rolled your eyes as your friend. Johnny took a swig of his beer as he kept looking at you, he saw your mouth move but didn't focus on what you were saying.

His eyes traveling down to your white baby tee with baby-blue writing that said "Toxic" which stemmed from the Britney Spears songs. He moved his eyes lower to see your tight denim skirt that was defiantly not the size of a belt. You paired the skirt with a white belt, then his eyes hit your high top baby-blue converse he had bought you a year ago as a surprise gift.

Johnny thought you looked good, like, really good. He hated checking you out though because he felt like as your best friend he wasn't even supposed to think of you like that, ever. But it was so hard for Johnny not to, every time he saw you it was like you just got more attractive.

Everything you did drove the poor Jackass mad. From when you would hold his arm when you two were walking side-by-side, when you would wear his t-shirts, when you would kiss his injuries better, and even when you would sit in the makeup in the mirror. He was just so drawn to you, everything you did. But he would never say that he didn't want to ruin your life long friendship.

"Pj!" You said hitting his chest quickly snapping Johnny out of his thoughts. "Huh? Oh sorry what's up?" "Did you listen to what I was saying?" "Oh I uh.. couldn't hear you over this music." Johnny mentally face palmed at his horrible excuse. "Oh um ok? I'm going to run to the bathroom stay right here I'll be back." Johnny nodded at your words and watched as your turned around and walked away, he watched the way your hips swung as you walked down the hallway. But it seems like god didn't want his imagination to run wild because he felt a hand be placed on his shoulder.

"Hey Knoxville- were you just looking at Yn's ass?" Chris said, his hand still placed on Johnny's shoulder. "What? No are you crazy?" Johnny snapped as he shook Chris's hand off his shoulder. "Alright man whatever you say," Chris laughed, throwing his hands up in defense. "But me and the guys are having a challenge to see who can get the hottest girl to do the best body shot with them, care to join?" "Well is there a prize if I win?" "I think Steve-o's friend said something about a kings crown?"

All drunk Johnny needed to hear was something with a ridiculous hat and he was on board.

"Yeah I'm down." Johnny said. "Great! When you find your lady of choice bring her to the kitchen." Johnny nodded at his friends words before Chris turned and walked into the crowd of people, most likely off to find a girl he thought was cute. Johnny on the other hand couldn't think of anyone at the party you two were at that was hotter than you. Plus Johnny really didn't want to take a shot off a random girl, it really just didn't sound enjoyable for him.

"Guess who's back, back again!" You said walking up from the hallway with a large smile on your face, along with your hooded glossy eyes from the weed you had smoked not even 25 minutes ago. "There she is," Johnny smiled. "But could you do me a favor?" You cocked your brow up at your best friend. "As long as it doesn't involve vomit, shit, piss, or any human body builds sure." You laughed

"Could I do a body shot off you? It's a weird sudden question but Chris and the rest of the guys are doing this thing with them and if I win I get a crown and you totally don't have to do it if you aren't comfortable or something." Johnny spilled out of his mouth. "That's it? Well yeah sure I don't mind." Johnny's eyes widened under his sunglasses, "Really?" You nodded again and that was all the conformation he needed. Johnny threw a arm around your shoulders and began walking through the crowd to the kitchen.

Johnny was trying his best not to act like he was pissing his pants, hoping that the alcohol in his system would cover it up.

What Johnny didn't know was that you were also pissing your pants and praying the weed would cover it up.

You two made your way to the kitchen where the rest of the Jackass boys had some random girls they found around the party, some of the girls rubbing against the boy while other stood as stiff as a board next to the boy.

All the guys looked at Johnny, then you, then Johnny again. Chris was snickering at Johnny now knowing he was totally looking at your ass when you were walking away.

"Ok everyone!" A boy spoke, you guessed he was the one who was running the party. "We have some of our lovely Jackass members here who have gathered the hottest ladies they could find for body shots!" You turned as you heard the boy speak, Johnny froze as the boy said information he was leaving out of telling you.

"The hottest ladies they could find huh?" You said as you smirked at Johnny. "Well you see uh-" Johnny was cut off by the guy who was announcing the challenge to everyone.

"Our lovely Jackass guys will each do a body shot off our even lovelier ladies and it will be up to everyone hear to cheer for you they think wins, the winner gets the kind crown!" Drunken and high cheers were heard through the crowd. "Now I will give each man a lime, some salt, and a shot of tequila!"

The boy did just that making his way through every Jackass guy and giving them a lime, some salt, and a shot of tequila. The boy finally got to you and Johnny and handed Johnny everything he would need to complete the body shot. He turned to you with a nervous smile on his face.

"Come on Pj let's win this shit!" You said with a laugh. Johnny was shocked you were still on board even though he indirectly called you hot. "Yeah let's win this shit!" Johnny laughed. You walked over to the large brown dining table and hopped up onto it, all the guys telling the girls they choose where to go and what to do so they could win the king crown but you and Johnny seemed at ease with this.

"What if you put salt on both of my thighs then the shot in-between my thighs and the lime in my mouth? Would that work?" Johnny flushed red at the thought of licking salt of your legs but he tried to keep his cool. "Well yeah I think that would work great." Johnny took the lime off the corner of the shot glass and rubbed two streaks up your thighs then sprinkled the salt he held into his hand onto both patches.

Johnny then handed you the lime and shot to place on your own, scared of bursting your bubble of personal space even though he was about to take a shot off you. You put the lime into your mouth and set the shot glass comfortably in-between your thighs. You then looked at Johnny and realized something. You took the lime out of your mouth to make it clear to him what you were about to say.

"I'll only do this if you take off your sunglasses, I wanna be able to see your eyes." You said, Johnny's already flushed face flushing even more. Johnny took off his sunglasses and closed them, slipping them onto his shirt so he wouldn't loose them. "Much better." You said as you popped the lime back into your mouth.

"Start taking your shots whenever boys!" The host yelled. A lot of the boys wasted no time in doing so making the crowd cheer, but Johnny slowly dropped down to his knees and was at the perfect height to lick off the salt on your thighs and take the shot. Johnny hesitantly moved his head closer to your thighs and stuck his tongue out.

When his tongue made contact with your leg a wave of heat rushed over your body, Johnny slowly licked off the salt on your first leg, his brown eyes peaking up at you through his lashes.

Johnny thought he had the best angle, your arms pressed behind you on the table as a lime peaked through your lips and a blush spread across your cheeks.

But you on the other hand thought you did, Johnny was as close to your legs as he could be as his brown eyes looked up at you. His cheeks flushed a rosy color and his hands placed firmly on your knees.

Johnny was quick to move to your other leg as he felt more confident now, he moved his tongue slowly down the path of salt before coming back up and scooting closer your legs to take the shot. Johnny looked at the placement of the shot and knew he was in for it.

Johnny prayed to whatever god there was to not let him drop the shot out of his mouth and all over your short denim skirt.

Johnny's prayers were answered because he slowly moved his head closer to the shot and gently grabbed it with his teeth, you watched the brown eyed boy closely. Watching as he brought his head back from the space between your legs and tipping his head back to quickly down the bitter shot.

From his knees Johnny spread your own knees allowing a space between them for him to fill. Johnny rose from his knees to his feet and stood in the space between your legs.

"I'm gonna take the lime now." Johnny said only loud enough for you to hear, all you could do in response was nodded your head. It finally set in how close Johnny was getting when he began to move closer to your lips.

Johnny bit the half of the lime that stuck out of your mouth but you simply wanted something more than the small contact, you moved in closer and touched lips with Johnny. Johnny knew you did this on purpose because you were leaned as far forward as you could without crashing into him.

Johnny kissed you back quickly, the lime making it harder to manage but something about it made him only want to kiss you more. Johnny raised his hands and set them both your cheeks, your hands made there way up to his chest. The crowd of partiers was cheering loudly for you and Johnny but you two couldn't hear any of the background noise being made.

You both were so focused on the kiss you two were sharing along with the lime that was going from your mouth to his, the bitter taste of the lime filling your mouth along with Johnny's. That's when Johnny took the lime in his mouth fully and pulled away from the kiss and spat the lime out onto the floor, which caused the crowd to yell and even some whistle being heard. But after Johnny spat out the lime quickly returned to kissing you, now with nothing in the way.

The kiss was hungry and sloppy, you could feel in the kiss how long Johnny had been wanting to do this with you and Johnny could feel how long you had wanted to do this with him. Johnny's hands trailed from your face down to your waist gripping it firmly as his tongue was overlapping yours causing you to whine in his mouth.

"Well I think we have our winners!" The host said as he gently tapped Johnny's shoulder, nervous he was going to get yelled at for breaking the heated make out session but also didn't want everyone here to see a free porno. Johnny pulled away from the kiss and turned to the guy, remembering where he was and what he was doing.

"Oh hey we won!" Johnny said as he turned to you with a smile. Johnny saw your post kiss smile and flushed cheeks. "Who cares." You said with a chuckle. Johnny felt something be placed on his head and was quick to realize it was his new hat- a crown. "Thank you, thank you." Johnny said as he did a fake royalty wave.

Johnny took his attention off the crowd and turned back to you. Where he saw a sly smirk on your face.

"Why don't I give a prize to the king for winning?'

[welcometojackass2022]

This Has Got To Stop (Married!Cheater!Johnny Knoxville x Reader) [Smut]

@jessydestroy So sorry for the wait, but I hope you enjoy! I opted for angst instead of a happy ending with this one, it’s more interesting to write for.

Description: While working on the set of Jackass in the early 2000s, you meet Johnny Knoxville. He’s handsome, funny, kind—and also married. But that doesn’t stop him from initiating a secret relationship with you that lasts for over a year. The sex is great, and Johnny’s lovely to be around, but you can’t help but feel like maybe he’s just using you, and soon enough, you find yourself questioning if this should continue.

Warnings: Smut, Cheating/Adultery, the sex is relatively vanilla but very passionate, Johnny and the reader are very morally gray people, Cursing

Note: I don’t condone cheating, nor do I think Johnny would ever cheat! I just thought this was an interesting premise to write for. Also, this is early 2000s Johnny, not current day Johnny, so he’s married to Melanie here, not Naomi.

“How the hell do you keep track of all of this stuff?” Steve-O shook his head in amazement as he looked through the stacks of paper on your desk, picking up one particular piece of paper with the phrase “rectal bleeding” across the top of it. You snatched it back from him and playfully rolled your eyes, returning the paper to its stack and pushing the stack aside. “My brain’s like a filing cabinet, what can I say? I’ve got a stack for penis injuries, for ass injuries, for ballsack injuries, I’m a one-woman hospital.” You’d been the first-aid girl on the Jackass set for a few years now (just to help with the minor injuries, not the stuff that required hospital visits), and in your time there, you’d seen some of the most disgusting sights known to man. Any other person probably would have quit by now, but you had a pretty good reason for staying as long as you had.

Someone knocked on the door to your office, and you looked up. Speak of the devil. Johnny stood in the doorway, leaning against the wall with that familiar grin on his face. “You busy?” You shook your head and smiled. “Nope! I was just helping Steve-O look for something.” Steve-O helpfully held up the thing he’d been looking for, which was a photograph you’d printed out of a prolapsed asshole, and Johnny nodded. “Alright, cool. If you two are done here, I was hoping to speak you with for a second once Steve-O leaves.” Steve-O took that as his cue to go, leaving the door ajar as he left, and Johnny leaned over to close it, grinning at you as he turned the lock. “Now that he’s gone, I’ve got some official business I was hoping you could take care of for me.” You raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? How interesting. And what exactly is this official business that I need to take care of?”

He peeked at you over his sunglasses and leaned up against the wall. “Come see for yourself.” You rushed across the room and threw yourself against him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and smashing your lips against his; his hands slid down to grab at your hips and squeeze at your ass, and then he pulled away and started kissing up and down your neck, his voice a low, growling tone as he passionately whispered in your ear between kisses. “I…have been waiting for this…all fucking day…couldn’t stop thinking about your tight little pussy, baby…fuck, I’m so hard right now.” Your nails scratched at his back as you moaned softly at the contact. “God, me too, you have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to this.” He pressed one more kiss to the base of your neck and then pulled away to look at you.

“Listen, I don’t have a whole lot of time today, so this will have to be quicker than usual. Is that okay?” You felt a pang of disappointment, but you forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, baby, that’s fine.” He smiled, satisfied with your answer, and then pulled you back in for another quick kiss before switching positions so you were against the wall. He looked down to unbutton and unzip his pants so he could pull his already hard cock out, giving it a few quick pumps and then leaning down to pull your pants and panties down to your knees so that you could spread your thighs enough to expose your wet pussy. He moved his hand down to press his finger against your pussy lips, rubbing circles over your clit, and you sighed in pleasure. He laughed. “God, you’re always so wet when we do this, I love it.” You smiled. “Hard not to be when you’re so good at this, Johnny.”

Johnny pushed two of his fingers inside you, stretching you out to get you ready for his cock, and then he lined the tip of his cock up with the entrance of your pussy and pushed himself in. You instantly dug your nails into his back, knees practically buckling from the feeling of his cock head pushing against your g-spot, and he lifted one of your legs up and motioned for you to hook it around his body so he could shove his cock deeper inside you. His thrusts were steady and even, pushing his cock nearly all the way inside you and then taking it all the way back out just to push it back inside you again. Your mouth fell open at the intense pleasure, and he took the opportunity to pull you into a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, forehead pressed against yours as he panted and moaned lowly at the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of your wet, dripping heat.

You slid your hands under the hem of his shirt and ran them up his toned tummy and chest, admiring the way his stomach muscles flexed with every thrust, and he groaned softly. “You like that, baby?” You nodded eagerly, pushing your hips up against his as a silent plea for him to increase his pace. “Fuck yes, you’re so fucking strong, baby, your body is so fucking incredible, you’re like a goddamn superhero.” You’d definitely said the right things, because Johnny instantly quickened the intensity of his thrusts and moved his hand down to rub at your clit simultaneously, hoping to bring you to orgasm faster. Oh right, this is just a quickie. You started to tighten up around him, feeling your orgasm building up, and Johnny’s cock began to twitch inside you.

“Fuck baby, I’m so close. You gonna cum for me?” You moaned loudly, nodding and hooking your leg even tighter around his waist, and he leaned down to kiss you roughly as his rubbed against your clit one more time, your head falling back against the wall as you came around his cock. Johnny leaned his head against yours, his pace slowing down as he came close to orgasm, and then he thrust himself inside you one more time, a low moan escaping his mouth as he came inside you. He buried his face in your neck and sighed, coming down from his orgasm. “Fuck, I love you so much.” You pursed your lips, gently rubbing his back and playing with his hair. He’d said that plenty of times before, usually right after he came. You’d learned not to take it seriously.

After a moment, Johnny pulled away, and he helped you pull your panties and jeans back up before tucking his cock back into his jeans and zipping them up. “How’s my hair?” You smiled. “Wild as hell.” You leaned up to help smooth his hair down, and he grinned appreciatively. “Thanks sugar. Same time tomorrow?” You nodded. “You know where to find me.” He made his way to the door, lingering there for a moment as he watched you adjust your clothes and walk back over to your desk, and you looked up at him. “Did you need something else before you go?” Johnny shook his head and smiled. “I was just thinking…I wish my wife was more like you sometimes.” You stared at him. “More like me?” He nodded. “Yeah, you know. Casual. Laidback. You never get upset when I have to leave quickly. You just go with the flow. You don’t expect anything serious from me.”

You wanted to accept the compliment, but your eyes were now fixed on the band on his finger. His wedding ring. Right on one of the fingers he’d just had inside you. It was easy to forget he was married when he was fucking you, but once the sex was over, the reminder would come flooding back to you, looming over you like a dark cloud of guilt. “Yeah, I mean, I know better than to expect something serious out of this, Johnny. You’re married, I knew that already when I agreed to this. I’m in this for the sex as much as you are.” It wasn’t entirely true, but it was what he wanted to hear, so you said it. Sure enough, he looked satisfied with your answer. “That’s my girl. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” You waved him goodbye and watched him leave, eyes still locked on his wedding ring, and then as soon as he’d shut the door and left, you buried your face in your hands.

“This has got to stop.” It was a fact you’d told yourself many times over the year-long affair, but this was the first time you really meant it. It wasn’t that you felt particularly guilty about the fact that Johnny had a wife; you didn’t know his wife or care about her feelings, nor had you ever cared much for the institution of marriage. What bothered you was that, over the course of the year you and Johnny had been sleeping together, the dynamic had changed from “fun, no strings attached sex with Johnny and then maybe a nice conversation afterwards” to “quick, emotionally charged sex with Johnny where he gets weirdly affectionate with you and then brings up his wife afterwards”. The sex was still great, but it was always quick, and it always seemed to be in positions that Johnny had mentioned his wife never wanted to do with him. And then, once the sex was over, he’d always find some way to bring up his marriage and how flawed it was.

He’d complain about something his wife had done, or mention how there was certain things he never got in his marriage that he really needed, or, as of late, compare his wife to you and talk about how he wished she was more like you. You were starting to feel more like a therapist who got to have sex with her patient than like a friend with benefits. It wouldn’t have bothered you that much if weren’t for the fact that you did have more of an interest in Johnny than you’d let on. He was a sweet, sexy, funny guy, and occasionally you did allow yourself to fantasize about the idea of him leaving his wife for you. But it was just that: a fantasy. You knew better than anyone that he was never going to leave his wife for you, no matter how many complaints he had about her, and hearing him say things like ‘I wish she was more like you’ only gave you a sense of false hope.

You sighed, taking your face out of your hands and fixing the stacks of paper on your desk. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” You moved to pick up one of the stacks, and then a voice came from the door. “Talk to who tomorrow?” You shot up, startled, but relaxed when you saw Bam standing in the doorway. “Bam! Don’t fucking scare me like that.” Bam laughed, walking over to flop down in the chair across from your desk. “Scaredy-cat. Didn’t mean to interrupt you in the middle of you talking to yourself like a weirdo.” You rolled your eyes. “Whatever. Do you need something?” Bam nodded. “You gave Steve-O a picture of a prolapsed asshole. I want one too.” You shook your head in amazement. “You guys are so weird.” You picked up a picture from the desk and handed it to him, and he grinned. “Thanks. So, what are you going to tell Johnny tomorrow?”

Your mouth dropped open, and Bam smirked. “You think I wouldn’t notice that he comes in here every day at the same time? The other guys haven’t noticed yet, but they’re not experienced with affairs the way I am.” You shook your head in astonishment and laughed. “Should have known. You probably cheat on Jen all the time, of course you’d figure us out. Anyway, I’m just gonna ask him about the nature of…whatever it is we have going on.” Bam grimaced. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who thinks he’s gonna leave his wife for you.” You laughed. “I’m not stupid, Bam. I just wanna know if he’s using me or not.” Bam shot you a look. “You two fuck every day, (Y/n), I’d say he’s definitely using you.” You rolled your eyes. “No, I mean I think he’s using me to fill the void in his marriage. Like, he’s using me to make up for the things that his wife doesn’t give him.”

“Such as?” You looked away in thought. “Well, I mean, as of recently I’ve noticed he only wants us to do positions that his wife apparently doesn’t let him do, which is literally every position except cowgirl and missionary.” Bam shrugged. “So? His wife’s vanilla, let him get his spice from you.” You frowned. “It’s not just that, though. After we’re done, he says all this stuff to me about how boring she is and how much she gets on his nerves and how he wishes she was more like me. He complains about all these things about her and then praises for me being totally different from her, it’s like he only comes to me because I have certain traits that she doesn’t. Like he only comes to me for the stuff she can’t give him.” Bam nodded. “He gets to have it both ways.”

You looked up at him. “What?” Bam started shuffling through the nasty pictures on your desk. “He gets it both ways. He’s got the pretty wife who probably cooks his meals and welcomes him with open arms every time he comes at night, but then he also has the sexy young coworker he can come to every day at work to have hot sex with and dump all his emotional problems on. If his wife’s in a bad mood at home, he can come to you cuz he knows you’ll be in a good mood. If she doesn’t wanna fuck him, it’s fine cuz he can come to you instead. Most people would have to pick one or the other, but he gets to have both. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.” You stared up at him, reconciling what he’d just said to you. “Holy shit, I think you’re right.” Bam nodded. “When am I ever not? Anyway, I don’t see why it bothers you so much, but I guess you better talk to him about it now instead of letting it drag on.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I know. I know it seems odd to be upset about, but the only reason I started doing this with him was cuz I figured it would be all physical and I wouldn’t have to worry about falling in love with him. But now he’s making it all emotional, and if he keeps it up, I’m gonna start having feelings for him and then I’m gonna get hurt. He needs to either figure things out with his wife and stop fucking me or get over his wife’s issues and go back to the friends with benefits thing we had for a while.” Bam stared at you. “You’re an odd woman, (Y/n). But at least you know what you want. Lemme know how the talk goes.” He swiped another gross picture from the desk and promptly walked off, purposefully not closing the door all the way, and you sighed. “Guess I better prepare for tomorrow, then.”

The next day came, and you spent the entire morning sitting in your office stressed out. Johnny wouldn’t be coming by until 12pm (when most of the guys left for their lunch break), so you had four hours to just sit there and think about what you were going to ask him. Should you wait til after the sex is over? Should you just go right into it? Should you just lock the office door and not let him in when he knocks? You sighed, taking a peek at the clock on the wall. 11:45. Just fifteen minutes left. You tapped your fingers on the desk, mind still racing as you pondered over what to say, and then eventually, the familiar knock came and you looked up to see Knoxville standing there with that same old grin on his face. “Miss me?” You forced a smile, mentally deciding that the speech could wait until after the two of you were done. “How could I not?” Johnny laughed, locking the door behind him, and you beckoned him over.

“No wall sex today?” You shook your head and laughed. “No, actually, I was thinking maybe we could do something else today.” Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Like what?” You patted your desk chair. “Sit down and you’ll find out.” Johnny grinned, obediently sitting down in the chair and waiting to see what you would do. You quickly sank down to your knees so that you were seated comfortably between his legs, and Johnny’s eyes widened in excitement. “Oh shit, an impromptu blowjob? You are so fucking cool, sugar, I can’t even begin to-” You cut him off by squeezing at his bulge through his jeans, and he moaned, chuckling under his breath. “I’ll shut up and let you take the reins here.” You unzipped his jeans and reached into his fly, pulling his half-hard cock out and slowly pumping it in your hand and rubbing the tip with the pad of your thumb to bring it to full hardness.

Johnny’s hips bucked forward impatiently, and you took it as a sign to go ahead and put your mouth on his cock; you took the head of his cock into your mouth and swirled your tongue around the tip, feeling Johnny tangle in his fingers in your hair as he gently pushed your head further down on his cock. You pushed your mouth down to take in more of his shaft, massaging his balls in your hand as you sucked on his cock and ran your tongue over the underside of his shaft. His grip on your hair tightened, and he let out a low moan, hissing under his breath when your hot mouth took in the entirety of his cock, your lips wrapped around the base. “Fuck, you take my cock so well, sugar. Try to rub my tip against the inside of your cheek..yeah, baby, just like that. Good girl.” Any nervousness you had faded at the praise, and you instantly started sucking with more confidence. May as well enjoy this before the big “talk”.

You pulled your mouth all the way off of his cock with an obscenely wet popping sound and teased his slit with your tongue, letting your saliva drip onto the head of his cock in order to make it more slick, and then took it all the way into your mouth, resisting the urge to gag as the head of his cock touched the back of your throat. You pulled all the way off again, slurping on the tip of his cock as your hands jerked off his shaft, and he groaned loudly, throwing his head back and bucking his hips up against your mouth. “Fuck, I’m so close baby, just keep going.” You obediently took his cock all the way back into your mouth again, fondling his balls and wrapping your lips as tightly around his shaft as you could. You felt Johnny’s grip on your hair start to loosen, and he threw his head back and moaned as he came down your throat, hips stuttering as he rode out his orgasm.

You swallowed his cum and pulled away to rest your head on his lap for a moment, letting Johnny gently play with your hair as he came back down from his high. It was quiet for a moment, and then he broke the silence. “That was incredible. You’re so fucking great, sugar, my wife never gives me random blowjobs like that, she always complains about–” You pulled your head off of his thigh and looked up at him, realizing now was probably the best time to bring up your issue. “Speaking of your wife, Johnny, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” Johnny’s forehead crinkled in confusion as he pushed his cock back into his jeans and pulled up his zipper. “About what? Don’t tell me you’re just now feeling guilty about this, we’ve been doing this for over a year now.” You shook your head. “No, I don’t feel any guilt.”

“Then what’s the issue?” You got up from the floor and sat down on the surface of your desk, staring back at Johnny with a serious expression. “What are you getting out of this?” Johnny stared at you, utterly confused. “Uh, sex I guess? The same thing you are, sugar.” You shook your head. “I mean emotionally. Do you come in here every day just to fuck me or are you using me as an outlet for your fucked up marriage?” For the first time since you’d met him, Johnny looked angry. “My marriage isn’t fucked up!” You rolled your eyes at him. “Don’t give me that shit, Johnny. You cheat on your wife with me every day, you’re constantly complaining about her, you compare me to her every fucking chance you get, I mean seriously Johnny, do you even like your wife? Why are you still with her if she annoys you so fucking much?” Johnny went quiet, and you knew you’d struck a nerve, so you tried to soften your tone.

“I’m not trying to insult you, Johnny, but it feels like you’re using me to make up for all the shit your wife doesn’t do for you, and I don’t like that. I started doing this with you under the impression that it would be all physical, no emotions, no strings attached. That’s the only way to avoid catching feelings for someone in situations like this. But when you come in here and you rant about your wife and you talk about how much more you like her than me, it makes it hard not to get attached to you, and that sucks because I know you’re never going to leave your wife for me. You’ve got this great situation where you get to have the hot slutty coworker that you fuck and vent to while at work while also getting to have a wife to come home to every night, so of course you’re not going to give that up, Johnny.” He shook his head. “I don’t get what you’re saying.”

You looked away. “I’m saying I think we should stop doing this.” Johnny stared at you like he didn’t believe you. “You don’t mean that.” You shrugged. “Yes, I do. I think we should stop this now before it turns into something else. It’s one thing for us to be fucking behind your wife’s back, but for you to come to me every day just to get the things your wife doesn’t give you–that’s not just sex, that’s us having a relationship behind her back. I’m not gonna let myself fall in love with you when I know good and well you’ll never divorce her for me, so I’m ending things now.” Johnny was staring at the floor, so you continued on. “Tremaine mentioned that another one of MTV’s shows asked for me by name. They want me to come and work for them for at least twice the salary I get here. I was gonna turn it down so that we could keep doing this, but considering the circumstances, I guess I’m gonna take it.”

Johnny looked up, alarmed. “You’re gonna leave? Just like that? Hold on a second, (Y/n), think this through before you just end it like this. Surely there’s gotta be some way to get you to change your mind.” You stared at him. “There’s one. Leave your wife for me.” Johnny didn’t respond, shoulders sagging in defeat, and you nodded to yourself. “That’s what I thought. Listen, Johnny, you’re great. You’re sweet, you’re funny, you’re sexy as hell, and I’ve had a lot of fun, but you need to work some shit out with your wife. You act like you hate her fucking guts, but you go home to her every night like it’s nothing. If you can’t stand her that much, then divorce her. Don’t keep having these affairs behind her back just to make up for the sex positions she won’t try with you and the compliments she doesn’t give you and the affection she doesn’t have for you. Find someone else, someone you actually like.”

Johnny stood up, still silent, and you pulled him in for a hug. “Are you sure you want to end things like this?” You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder. “No. But I know I have to. I’m gonna go talk to Tremaine about that position, so you should probably go. I’ll miss you.” Johnny hugged you tightly against him, burying his face in your neck. “I love you.” You said nothing, just rubbed his back soothingly and then let him go. “Bye, Johnny.” You watched him leave, eyes trained on his ring finger again. For the first time since you’d started the affair with him, he’d taken his wedding ring off. You could see the outline of it in the pocket of his jeans. Maybe, for the first time, he’d actually felt a little shame about wearing it. He closed the door behind him, and you sank down in your desk chair, holding back tears as you reached for the telephone on your desk, dialing Tremaine’s number. “Jeff? Yeah, it’s me. I think I’m gonna take that position you mentioned.”

Barely two years later, the news broke: Johnny and his wife were getting a divorce.

[knoxvilleforever]

Drunk Johnny Knoxville Headcanons

request: What about having to deal with a drunk Knoxville and also having to take care of his hangover the next morning?

drinking with johnny is always an experience

and you know you’re definitely going to have a good time

however taking home a drunk johnny

is a whole other experience

this six feet tall man is completely dependent on your body to hold him up

he’s uncoordinated at the best of times

so throw in alcohol and he’s struggling

but you can’t complain

because he’s fucking hilarious to listen to

his southern accent is more prevalent when he’s drunk

he’s more likely to do stupid things

‘y/n watch this!’

‘god you look so much like my girlfriend. she’s so hot.’

he’s a sappy drunk

will spend a lot of time telling you and anyone who will listen

how much he loves you

‘i’m so lucky to have someone like you.’

‘god i missed you tonight.’

‘are ya gonna kiss me? c’mon sweetheart i missed kissin’ you.’

he brings home the most random shit when he’s been drinking

‘johnny where the hell did you get that?’

‘huh? i don’t know but i thought you’d like it!’

he loves to make everyone laugh at any time

but especially when he’s drunk

so you’re often dragging him away before he takes it too far

‘where are we going?’

‘i’m taking you home.’

‘oh yeah! she’s takin’ me home!’

he laughs a lot

over absolutely nothing

can barely get a sentence out between laughs

when you get home he’ll sit on the couch

and beckon you over between giggles

‘c’mere.’

he pulls you onto his lap

and then his head is between the juncture of your neck and shoulder

and he’s kissing you and nipping at your skin

‘what’re you doing, hm?’

‘just lovin’ on you.’

gets sleepy very quickly once he’s home

and you’re guiding him up to bed before he falls asleep on the couch

now the next morning

he wakes up with a groan

he’s laid on his stomach with his face half buried in the pillow

and you’re peering down at him with a grin

‘good morning.’

you’re sing song voice isn’t met with much of a reaction

he’s just haphazardly outstretching his arm because he wants you next to him

he loves to cuddle at the best of times

but especially when he’s hungover and feeling sorry for himself

so you’ll roll back into bed with him and leave a kiss on his forehead

then hand him the aspirin and water you’ve had waiting by the bed since you woke up

‘you feeling okay, baby?’

he loves when you’re like this

he wants to be doted on

‘like i need you to kiss me to make me feel better.’

‘…maybe after you’ve brushed your teeth. i can still smell what you drank last night.’

[johnny-coxville]

Can I get a Johnny Knoxville x AFAB reader? With some tooth rotting fluff that leads to some smut? And like the reader is a famous stunt double and also apart of jackass. Also I love ur writing so fucking much

I see you around alot! It was a pleasure writing for you! :) Hope you enjoy

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Johnny Knoxville x fem!reader nsfw

♡

Dangerous girl

Johnny finding you was love at first sight. You had worked along side Mat Hoffman. The famous BMX rider. You had quickly made a name for yourself.

Becoming a well known stunt double for BMX riders who liked to shoot for films. You could pull off some amazing tricks. Impressing anyone who came your way.

Of course you caught the eyes of Johnny Knoxville. Seeing your courageous stunts. He immediately wanted to take you to be apart of the Jackass crew.

You could do it all. Dirt bike stunts, BMX stunts. You weren't afraid to get hurt and dirty. Johnny adored this about you. He loved to watch you talk with your doubles.

He would always compliment you from the sidelines as you chat with whoever you filled in for.

As time progressed, Johnny couldn't handle it anymore. He asked you out on a date, and the rest was history. He had landed himself the most badass stunt girl.

You were head over heals for Johnny. Always looking out for one another. Getting so excited when you got the chance to do stunts together. Both of you getting a thrill from the danger.

Eventually you did less stunt doubling, taking on less movies. Pouring your time into Johnny's shooting movie. Jackass the movie.

You were constantly together. You bringing your dirtbike everywhere you could. You both finally had a day off to spend together. Of course you wanted to take him out, have some fun. Though he had other plans. Johnny laid his head in your lap. Looking up at you with a wide smile.

You ran your fingers through his silky hair. Smiling back down at him. You weren't sure why you were smiling. You just loved seeing his adorable face. Giggling. "What are you smiling for you weirdo?" You said caressing his cheek.

Bringing your hands back into his hair. Undoing tiny knots subconsciously. "I just love looking at your sweet cheeks and beautiful eyes doll." Knoxville said widening his smile.

You let out a small laugh. You both were hardly paying attention to whatever was playing on the TV. Indulged in eachother.

He leaned himself up off your knee's, and scooted himself onto your lap. Placing his behind on your thighs now. Sitting on you as if he was a tiny little man.

You didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around you, giving you a soft hug. He kicked his feet up and down like a little child. Pulling his face out of the back of your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your lips.

Before throwing his head back into your shoulder. You loved when he was vulnerable like this. Swaddling him in your lap.

He was like a little baby. In need of desperate attention. He was incredibly warm against you. Nuzzling his face into you. You rubbed his back gently. Eventually putting your hand under the back of his shirt to scratch his back. He smiled against your shoulder. Incredibly content.

He lifted his head from your shoulder to speak. "I love you so so much my sweet girl." He muttered. You sighed. Closing your eyes with a gentle smile.

Moments of peace were ruined. He pulled off your back and faced you. "I'm kinda hungry." He said hopping off of you.

You rolled your eyes following him. He opened the fridge, pulling out a slice of cake. "Seriously PJ? Before dinner?" You snickered. "PJ?" He pouted. "Why not Johnny. Or my sweet handsome boyfriend." He said unwrapping the cake.

"I'm sorrryy. May I have a bite Johnny?" You said leaning over his hip. He brought the fork down to your mouth, giving you a bite. He giggled with a mouth full.

He wrapped the cake back up and stuck it in to the fridge. He picked you up by your waist, throwing you over his shoulder with ease. "Seriously Johnny! Stop it! What are you doing?" You said tapping his back with your hands.

He didn't mutter a word. Throwing you onto the bed. He loomed over you a moment. Before attacking you, ticking your stomach. "Johnny quit it!!" You giggled kicking around.

You grabbed his shoulders to try and push him off, ending with you on top of him. Smiling in defeat. He gave you a toothy grin. Knowing what he did. He grabbed a hold of your hips, pulling you over his pelvis. He rut his hips up, bouncing you a moment. You stared at him squinting your eyes. Pretending to be annoyed.

"Will you ride me like you road that dirt bike yesterday?" He said raising an eyebrow. "You looked so sexy jumping that hill. The way your hips slam back down on that seat. Had to take a breather watching you out there." He laughed.

You blushed. You always blushed when he spoke about you. He could so easily make you puddy in his fingers. "Mmmm.. maybeee." You said pushing your hips against him. Sparking your core. His rather large hands rested on your hips.

He let out a shakey breath. Before snapping his hips into you. His clothed hard cock hitting your shorts. You pressed your own hips down to grind against him. He took this as a note to continue his soft bouncing.

You slid yourself against him, as he bounced you. His hands guiding your hips. Both of you not speaking a word. Small breaths escaping.

"Come on now baby. You're being a tease." He said deepening the grip on your hips. "You think this is teasing?" You said smirking. Grabbing the bottom of your shirt. You pulled it up over your head, your breasts freed. You didn't care to wear a bra when you were home.

His eyes widened. As you brought your hands up to your chest. Pinching your own nipples. You smiled wide as he grinded his hips into yours. You got pleasure out of teasing him. Not letting him take his hands off of your hips as you played with yourself.

"Dawwhh.. that's no fair!" He said pouting. You were growing impatient yourself. "I'm all yours Johnny." Those words were your worst mistake. Immediately sliding you off of him, flipping you down onto the bed.

He immediately attacked your lips. His hands on your naked torso. Squeezing onto your breasts. A knee between your parted legs. The other on the other half of your leg.

His breaths were already heavy. Your tongues attacking one and others mouths. He pulled his own shirt off. Leaning down to press his chest against yours. The warmth of his body filling the gap. You let out a soft moan into his mouth, biting down onto his lip.

"Johnny. Please." You said reaching your hand down to his buttons. Usually you would last longer, wait for his fingers to fill you. Yet you were desperate. You wanted him immediately. "Please what doll?" He said leaning over you. You laid in silence. Hoping he would just pursue you.

"Come on now sweetheart. Use your words for Johnny." He said kissing your lips and pulling back.

You shivered. The way he made you feel was unmatchable. "Will you please fuck me Johnny." You said quietly. "Hm? You want me to fuck you? I want your pretty little pussy to ride my dick." He said lowering his tone. "Is that what you want baby?"

You nodded your head silently. He grabbed a hold of your chin. "Is that what you want?" He said leaning closer to your face. You managed to squeak out a yes. He smiled with satisfaction.

"Good girl." He said sliding off of you. He quickly stood at the foot of the bed. Pulling his button out of his jeans. Unzipping the fly, and stepping out of them.

You did the same, sliding off the side of the bed, and dropping your shorts to the floor. Pulling your underwear off and dropping them. You looked over, he was completely naked. He gave you a smirk.

He laid back on the bed, propping pillows under himself. Opening his legs and straightening them. Giving himself a slow pump. His face smug. He beckoned you forward. You grabbed the lube on the bed side table. Squeezing a bit into your hand.

You didn't need much. Being completely soaked and ready. You wrapped your hand around his length. Lathering it with the lube. Before setting the bottle back on the night stand.

All to be heard in the room were eachothers soft breaths. You inched forward, as you lined yourself up with his swollen cock. He watched intently.

You lowered yourself onto him, feeling his cock slowly infiltrate your tight walls. You winced, and he held his hands on your hips. Helping you guide yourself down. "Sh sh sh shh.. I've got you sweetheart. Let me know if it hurts too much." He said guiding you down all the way in. Once you reached the base of his cock, you sat their a moment.

Trying to adjust to his length. Before rocking your hips a bit. Lifting them up and crashing them slowly back down. You were a bit uncomfortable the way it was positioned, but managed through it. Your legs on either sides of his.

Your arms were wrapped around his shoulders. His face buried into your chest. Once you became more accommodated to his size, you began to rock you hips faster. As you picked up your pace, he looked up at you. 

You looked down, mouth agape. He gave a small laugh. "God you look so fucking good on me. Keep riding me baby. I'm not going to last long like this." He said using your hips. He stopped you from bouncing on your on accord.

Bouncing your body on his pelvis. His cock repeatedly hitting your core. Soon enough his hips were bucking in you, matching your bouncing. This sent you over the edge. Screaming for mercy. Your body shook as you squeezed his cock. Your walls pulsing around him.

"God fucking damn. Already cumming? Does my dick feel that good in you sweetheart?" He said taking your left nipple into his mouth. His other hand going from your waist to your right breast.

You let out incoherent drabbles and moans as he slammed in and out of you. His tongue flicked around it, sucking on your ring.

Soon enough his hands were back on your hips. Pushing you all the way down on his cock. Holding you still, he overestimulated you. His cock slammed inside of you at a terrifying pace. Your nails digging into his shoulders.

Your pussy was screaming for peace as it was destroyed. His thrusts becoming sloppy as he groaned. "God fuck- I'm going to cum so fucking- deep- inside of you baby. You're going to take my entire fucking load baby doll." He grunted.

You couldn't speak a word, only struggled moans. As you felt your insides fill with cemen. Giving you a massive cream pie, his cock filled the void of sound with wet slurps. As he slowed his pace, he helped you off his cock. A complete mess of cemen and your juices. You both panting, completely exhausted.

Once you were off of him, you laid on the small half of the bed. Your insides dripping and throbbing. He stood up from the bed, stretching. "Don't worry sweetie, I'll clean ya up." He said reaching a hand out to lift you up.

You stood to your feet, legs quivering. "Let's getcha some clothes for a shower hm?" He said opening your drawer. Pulling out some comfortable pajamas. You both would end up watching movies the rest of the day.  Leading you to the shower.

Not occupied with the mess of himself, he washed your body with a soapy rag. Being sure to wash your legs. Of course he snuck in some kisses when he could.

Once you were both washed up you headed to the couch. He threw himself between your legs on the couch. Laying down on your chest.

You ran your hands through his wet hair, combing it. You were so incredibly intent. Feeling not only filled to the max, but full of love.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[prettyyoungandbored]

Reason to Live - Johnny Knoxville

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Fem!reader (goes by “Babydoll”)

Author’s Note: Currently OBSESSED with “Reason to Live” by KISS and this is what came out of it. This is before Y/N and Johnny’s relationship. Enjoy!

Warning: Y/N goes through it.

Song lyrics belong to KISS.

NOT MY GIF

Y/N was a hopeless romantic and although it was a part of her that she accepted, she also struggled with it. High school boys either didn’t want her or they chickened out. The guys in her 20’s were very much the same with the exception that they just wanted her as a fuck buddy.

She tried to be ok being a fuck buddy. She really did. But still, the hopeless romantic in her thought maybe she could be the one.

She never was.

“Girly, you know I love you more than anything,” Whitney began, putting her hand on her best friend’s shoulder, “but you can’t go around falling for guys that want nothing to do with you outside of sex.”

Y/N closed her eyes. “I know. I know this,” she sighed.

“I know you know,” Whitney said with a small smile.

Y/N opened one eye. “Are you also saying it because you’re tired of coming with me to the Hard Rock Cafè when I’m heartbroken?”

Whitney snorted. “This is not my scene, but I’ll go anywhere for you and with you. I just hate seeing you get like this.”

She got up from her chair. “I’m gonna use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Y/N nodded as she sipped her drink. Whitney had a point, sure, but still it didn’t-

Out of love, there's nobody around,

All I hear is the sound of a broken heart

Y/N’s head snapped up. Maybe the liquor was hitting her but also, maybe whoever was singing this song understood her.

Out of time, no more waitin' for you

Now the hurtin's through, and a new day starts

She eyed around to find out where the music was coming from. Her eyes landed on one of the many televisions. Her mouth hung open ajar as she got up from the bar and walked to the closest TV. Her eyes were glued to the music video playing.

And I feel a change in my life, I sailed into dark and endless nights

And made it alive

Everybody's got a reason to live, baby

Everybody's got a dream and a hunger inside

Everybody's got a reason to live, but it can't be your love

Something inside her called. Whoever was singing had a point.

Love, as great as it was, wasn’t the reason to live. She was built for better things in life. She needed to start living for her, not some guy.

“Y/N?!”

She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to see Whitney standing there.

“What’s going on here?” she asked. “You don’t need to be so close to the TV.”

“Who sings this?”

Whitney blinked. “It’s KISS.”

Y/N whipped her head. “It is?!”

“Yeah, remember my dad would play them all the time on the radio?” Whitney said.

Whitney’s dad was the rock radio DJ in their hometown. While Y/N and Whitney spent time there - and even worked there in high school - she wondered how she could’ve missed this song.

“Do you know the name of the song?”

Whitney shook her head. Y/N hurried back to her chair at the bar she reached into her purse, grabbing her notebook. She wrote down ‘KISS’ and a couple lyrics she remembered.

She bought the album the next day and it played on repeat for the entire week.

But the message stayed with her for two years.

=================================

Two Years Later…

Out of touch, with myself for so long,

Now a feelin' so strong comin' over me

Y/N leaned her head back on the head rest and let the lyrics wash over her.

She was in her rental car parked right outside the hotel.

It took her two years to build herself up. To create a life where she felt fulfilled by her work and by her friends and family. She was doing great. Never better in fact.

Then she met Johnny Knoxville on her first day of “Jackass”and she found herself slipping back to her old ways.

He was ambitious, kind, courageous, funny, handsome as hell- she knew she was in trouble from the moment she laid eyes on him.

For the first couple weeks, she managed to keep it together. But sure enough, she found herself melting whenever he was around.

Down the line, there's a lesson I've learned

You can love and get burned, if it has to be

A rap at the car window broke her thoughts. Y/N snapped her head up to see Johnny Knoxville standing there.

She rolled down the window.

“Hey,” she exhaled, an embarrassed smile on her lips

“I wanted to make sure you were ok,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone fall asleep to KISS.”

“Yes! I just…long day and I’m exhausted,” she chuckled.

“You’re telling me.” He paused. “We were all over the place.”

“It was worth it considering all the great footage we got.”

“Hell yeah. You really brought a lot to the table today. It was impressive.”

She shrugged. “Just did my best.”

Johnny’s face softened. “You sure you’re ok?”

She nodded. “I promise.”

“Well, let me know if you need anything. See ya in the morning, Babydoll.”

Babydoll. That goddamn nickname that made her want to giggle and squeal. The first time she heard it she couldn’t stop smiling.

She rolled the window as Johnny walked away and she leaned back and sighed. Just then, she heard another knock and turned to see Holly at the window of the passenger seat.

Y/N unlocked it and Holly slid into the passenger.

“Hi there,” Holly greeted. “I saw you and Wonder Boy-.” She paused. “Is this KISS?”

Y/N turned down the radio. “Yeah.”

“Would you care to explain why you’re sitting in the car listening to KISS?”

Y/N sighed. “Look, you know I like Johnny, and I haven’t had a crush like this in a long time. It’s that kind of crush I want to shake off, but I just can’t.”

“Why would you want to shake it off?” Holly questioned with a pout.

“Because whenever I’ve had them in the past, I’ve just gotten let down.” Y/N pulled back her lips. “It used to be bad and then I heard this song…and I don’t know. It just kind of pulled me back up and reminded me there was more to life than crushes or falling in love and dating and shit. And it worked before.l

She sighed. “It’s not working anymore. I’ve been listening to it on replay since I got here because every time Johnny and I talk, those feelings come back and I don’t want to ruin anything.”

She felt a warmth on her hand. She looked down to see Holly holding her hand.

“I’m sorry you’ve been let down,” Holly said. “I know crushes suck. But maybe this one might work out. You never know until you give yourself a chance to put yourself out there.”

Y/N nodded. “Ok. I’ll try.”

“Good.”

Holly went to get out of the car when Y/N said, “I’m gonna give myself another couple of minutes in here. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Holly closed the car door and Y/N sighed. She then put the song on repeat.

=====================================

BONUS SCENE

Holly found Johnny, Steve-O, and Ryan talking in the hallway.

“PJ, a word?” she motioned.

He excused himself from the group when Steve-O shouted, “Don’t steal my girl, Knoxville!”

Johnny waved him off as he and Holly stood in the corner.

“Look, I’m gonna be straight with you,” she said. “Y/N likes you too, ok? I don’t know why she does, but she does.”

Johnny perked up. “What do you mean likes me too? Wait, what did she-.”

Holly held up her hand. “Don’t play this game with me, ok? Just make a move.”

He shoved his hands inside his jean pockets. “She just feels out of my league.”

“Yeah, she is,” Holly agreed. “But I also know you’re a good guy and you would be good for her and her for you. Listen, I’ll drive her to set tomorrow. I’ll slash her tire or something while she sleeps. You drive her home and ask her out, ok?”

Johnny nodded. “You got a deal.” Then it dawned on him. “Wait, you’re gonna do what?!”

[dangerehrenn]

Going on rollercoasters w the boys hcs?

im sorry if this is bad!

i’d love to go on a rollercoaster with these guys

going on a rollercoaster w/ the boys

just gonna say one thing

good luck

so i’m imagining you all on the same ride

ryan and bam at the front, you and knoxville second row, and everyone else behind

(you tried to get front row but bam practically pushed you out the way to get there first)

“Y/N THATS MY SEAT AND YOU KNOW IT”

you’re surprised to find that your group of friends who practically almost kill themselves daily with their stunts can be so afraid of a rollercoaster

queue ehren and preston in the back begging to be let off the ride after two minutes of waiting

steveo and bam telling them to stop being such pussies about it

knoxville almost pissing himself at the fact dave looks like he’s gonna be sick already

and at the fact it will most definitely go all over wee man and preston

be prepared for one of the boys to try and prank you

probably (definitely) johnny

“y/n, does that screw on your seat look loose to you?”

or make you worry just before the ride starts

probably (definitely) chris

“uh, im not buckled in, should i be concerned?”

as well as feeling sick, dave will definitely say something like

“wait will the g-force make me shit?”

followed by

“dude please do not shit it’ll go all over me” from wee man

also chris is definitely wearing his bunny ears so

get ready for him to complain he lost them after the first minute of the ride

when the ride starts get ready for the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard in your life

most of them are acting all confident, thinking they aren’t gonna get scared from a “stupid rollercoaster”

but as soon as the ride goes down it’s first ramp or round the first upside down loop

screaming like babies

(especially mr. i get to sit at the front aka bam margera)

ryan just laughs at how ridiculous bam is being, screaming his head off

but is then caught off guard by a sudden turn, causing him to scream just as loud as bam

after the ride, wee man and preston are definitely covered in vomit, and they vow to never sit behind dave again

ehren looks traumatised

steveo and chris are giggling, wanting another go straight away

ryan mocking bam for screaming so loud

and knoxville teasing you about how tight you were holding the security bar

also surprisingly, chris still has his bunny ears

but you later find out he actually brought a second pair because he thought he was gonna loose the first ones

[thegettingbyp2]

Hey! I haven’t seen a Knoxville angst fic anywhere in a whileee. Could you right a Knoxville x reader where maybe they get into an argument in their relationship ? Maybe they start doubting their relationship and almost break up but then find their ways back to each other kinda thing ? I love your writing btw :DD

Who Cares

Johnny Knoxville is the love of my life; that’s something I thought I knew for sure. We met when he was on the press tour for Rosy and it took no time at all for a relationship to bloom. We had acknowledged that there was quite a significant age gap between the two of us but neither of us had let it affect the relationship. For the most part the press had also left the age gap alone, however, since lockdown and Johnny stopped dying his hair, letting his grey hair take centre stage, it’s been picked up on a lot more.

Me and Johnny were sitting on the sofa one afternoon, enjoying a rare day where we had no plans so planned to spend the day together and just do nothing. I was looking through my phone while Johnny sat next to me, hand on my leg as he laughed at the old cartoons he was watching, jotting down any ideas he thought would make good stunts.

‘Have you seen this?’ I said, handing my phone over to Johnny so he could read the same article I had just read. ‘They’re saying that I’m only with you for your money and fame. It’s ridiculous!’

‘Well maybe they’re right, maybe you’re just taking advantage of a poor old man,’ Johnny teased, squeezing my leg as he read the article. Even though I knew that he was joking, I couldn’t help but get a little upset at his words.

‘Seriously?!’ I moved his hand off of my leg which made him look over at me.

‘Sweetheart, you know I was joking.’

‘Well it’s not funny.’ I stood up from the sofa and started pacing around the room, Johnny’s eyes following me. ‘It’s alright for you because you’re the victim in all this and in their eyes you can’t do anything wrong.’

‘Woah don’t turn this onto me,’ Johnny said, setting my phone on the sofa next to him before standing up and walking over to me. ‘We both know that it’s bullshit so why are you getting so worked up about it?’

‘Because what if the articles are right!’

Johnny looked at me in confusion, ‘what you really are only with me for money?’

‘No! Of course I’m not, I love you! But what if they’re right in the fact that the age gap is too much?’

‘This has never bothered you before, why now?’

‘It’s never been as big an issue as it is now, it never used to be an issue full stop! But now it’s making me think that-’

‘What? It’s making you think what?’

‘That maybe we made a mistake!’

My words cut us both off and if I could take them back I would without hesitation after seeing the look on Johnny’s face. He looked like a kicked puppy and I wanted nothing more than to run over and wrap my arms around him but I knew that it was the wrong time; especially after something like that had come out of my mouth.

‘You think this is a mistake?’ he asked quietly, not meeting my eyes.

‘No. I didn’t mean that, I don’t know what I mean. Maybe we just need to break up for a while and figure out what we want.’

Johnny’s head snapped up to look at me as he crossed the space between us in two large strides. As soon as he was in front of me, his hands came up to hold my face and tilt my head up to look at him. A tear streaked down my cheek as I saw that his eyes were watery as well. ‘You don’t want to break up,’ he whispered brokenly, ‘please, (Y/N), you don’t want to break up.’

‘Johnny,’ I said softly, lifting my hands to rest on his wrists.

‘No, I’m not finished,’ he said before I could continue. ‘(Y/N), baby, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Who the fuck cares what they think? The only thing that matters is that I love you and you love me, yeah?’

‘I love you so much,’ I said, leaning into him and letting him support my weight slightly as tears streamed down my cheeks.

‘I know sweetheart,’ he said softly, kissing the top of my head.

‘I just hate how people think that I’d be with you for any other reason.’

‘I know, it’s alright, as long as we know, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.’ Johnny spoke calmly, his hand running up and down my back soothing me. He slowly started rocking us side to side to the music that was still coming from the TV and I slowly came back to myself, horrified at the fact I had suggested we break up.

‘I’m sorry I said we should break up, I didn’t mean it.’

‘You were upset, it happens. As long as you don’t do it again,’ he said, tilting my head up to look at him again and looking at with me with a mock-stern expression and smiling when I giggled at him. ‘There’s my girl,’ he said gently, ‘I love you.’

‘I promise,’ I said, smiling up at him, ‘kiss me?’

‘You never need to ask sweetheart,’ he said bringing his lips down to press against mine softly, both of us humming happily against each others lips.

Johnny Knoxville is the love of my life; that’s something I know for sure, who cares what anyone else thinks.

[shojimezolovemail]

if requests r open can we get jackass .. even though ya girl only cares for pontius .. + taking a vacation together ? pls and thank u!

A/N: i know i apologize every time i end up posting but i promise i do feel bad for not getting through these requests!! please know i lov everyone who interacts with my silly works :”)

EDIT: just noticed my messed up warnings! sorry about that!

warnings: slightly suggestive, pet names (babe, baby), blood & alcohol mentions

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE

as much as he loves being on set

he is ecstatic when you mention wanting to go on a vacation with him for an anniversary

johnny’s all over it

he’s figuring out when, where, how and down to the smallest of details

he doesn’t really care where you two go though, he’s mainly focused on the fact he’s going with you

if you’re going somewhere hot then you two are going to the beach as often as possible

mainly because he says you look so beautiful in the sun

but so he has an excuse to be public ally affectionate with you

you need sunscreen on anywhere? he’s snatching the bottle and lathering you up

STEVE-O

it’s meant to be a vacation but if steve-o finds an opportunity for a cool video, he’s doing it

he’d probably be the one to plan the trip as he’s obviously got so much experience under his belt from wild boyz

steve-o’s very happy to hear that you wanted to take a trip with him in the first place

in the time leading up to it, he’s tending you how happy he is

“i’m so gals we’ll get to go away together, babe,”

“steve, baby, it’s not for another three months?”

“i know, i’m just excited.”

if you tried to go out to bars with him, you better watch him because he might be on a damn table professing his love for you after a few shots

which is sweet but you’d rather not get arrested on a vacation

you don’t but, the thought is always on your mind

CHRIS PONTIUS

this trip is 100% spontaneous

you mentioned wanting to visit somewhere and suddenly it’s booked and you’re flying out the next day

chris is giddy the whole way there

if you’re taking a plane, he’s trying to join the mile high club with you

your neck and any exposed skin is covered in marks because you had to keep shooing him away

he’s kinda like steve-o in the way that you need to watch him around bars because he’s getting up on a table and professing his love

chris is also doing that anywhere he can, drunk or not

you’re in a hotel lobby? he’s telling the receptionist how madly in love you guys are

you had to beg him to not take his speedos but, lo and behold, there’s one

BAM MARGERA

another impulsive man

not as much as chris though

you would mention a few places and he’d plan it on a week where he definitely should be on set

“bam, you can’t just blow off shooting because i told you i was sad.”

“yes i can. plus, i already bought us tickets to go somewhere,”

if there was a stunt he didn’t wanna do? he’s throwing you in a car and deciding on what state near you two to visit

on an actual vacation with him though, he’s very doting

you don’t feel like carrying your bag? he’s slinging it over his shoulder even if he’s carrying literally everything else

you need help putting on sunscreen? the bottle is out of your hands in seconds before he’s rubbing it in your skin

RYAN DUNN

any time he has off he’s trying to take a vacation with you

especially to beachy places

despite his resistance to water, something about being with you and the ocean calms his mind

most vacations are planned around shooting but if your anniversary falls on a day he’s meant shooting, it’s not happening

you guys would be half way to your destination before he tells anyone though

ryan gets a good laugh outta everyone’s reactions

if you’re comfortable with it, you two are sneaking into a beach at night

probably a cute lil picnic under the stars and then laying on a blanket as you watch the sky

ryan’s carrying you and everything you two brought back to where you’re staying once you’re worn out

he’s also especially doting on vacations because he feels so tender at the alone time with you

DANGER EHREN

he’s taking you somewhere cold for a vacation

but don’t worry, you can use this as an excuse to hang off him like a koala

ehren’s responsible enough to make sure the weather isn’t too bad where you two would be going

he’s hate to ruin a vacation just because the weather is shitty

even if it was though, you’re happy to spend any alone time with him

if you’re more for a warmer vacation, he’s not opposed whatsoever

he just knows you get a kick out of stealing his warmth in colder climates

ehren’s trying to buy you anything you show slight interest in on vacation

keep an eye on him or he might go into debt because w you said some fancy french dress was cute

DAVE ENGLAND

another man who takes you somewhere cold

aims for a place he can snowboard just so he can impress you

of course, once he tries to do that he face plants into a snowbank

you’re quick to run and help even if you felt like you should i be doubled over in laughter

dave’s a little bloody so you gotta take him back to where you’re staying and clean him up

a prime opportunity for him to keep you close

obviously in sake of ‘keeping warm’ despite knowing either of you could crank the heat up

you’ll take pity as he did just face plant in your name

[sailor-rose-princess]

Dolls I want to add to my doll family

The ones in bold are top priority on my list

My ag-celestina-gorillaz shared universe

Lucy Phillips - CYO, pale skin, Jess mold, long straight black hair, green eyes, freckles, no outfit preference as I have to sew her outfits myself (probably will get the pink party dress to save as a party outfit for Celestina). She's from England, she dresses in a sorta goth/pink style, she was adopted into her family, she can play bass guitar and sing really well, and despite her cool and calm personality, she's sweet and emotional when she opens up. She makes friends with Celestina, and they became girlfriends when they're teenagers.

Jason Gomez - Either a boy Sonali mold, or a Josefina rewigged into a boy doll, may go with the latter since the boy doll is discontinued, unless I find a good deal. He has been friends with Celestina and Kailey a few years, and became Lucy's friend as well. He loves anime and gaming, and would often go to cosplay at conventions. He plays the drums, as he learned to do so from Celestina's mom, and he likes acting in the school plays. He comes out as non-binary in his teens, using he/him or they/them pronouns, and he also starts dating Kailey.

Morti Smith - CYO, fair skin, Josefina mold, hazel eyes, long curly brown hair, freckles. So she's my Rick and Morty OC, one of the many alternative Mortys. It's a bit of a long story, but basically in my AU/dimension, thing, Morti lives with her grandpa Rick, wanting to stay there after her parents divorce, her relationship with her Rick is more healthier than C-137's Rick and Morty (the ones from the show), but he can be a bit overprotective of her. Morti has the same classes as Cy, and ends up making friends with the rest of the friend group. Like Morty from the show, she tends to stutter and say "oh geeze", but unlike Morty, while she struggles in school like him, she has a special gift for inventing. I also want to make so many cute yellow outfits for her haha. Yeah I know it's weird, crossing my Rick and Morty OC into my Gorillaz universe, I don't care.

2000's Historical OC's

Johnny Daley aka JD - Logan doll, but with his hair spiked. He's close friends with Kami and Ellie. He's a bit of a prankster, and he loves skateboarding, and he often has his favorite video camera with him. He wants to either be a professional skateboarder like Tony Hawk, or be a movie director. He'd more likely post videos to YouTube sometime in his teens. A lot of my 2000's kids OC were based off kids I knew in school, I gave him the same last name as a kid in class, but his first name was because something about the Logan doll reminded me of Johnny Knoxville (I'll admit it, I've been on a Jackass kick lately haha), and idk, it works because he was popular in the 2000's lol.

Jazzlyn "Jazzie" McElroy - Dark skin, Addy mold, long textured hair, no specific doll in mind, know it when I see it. Best friends with Kami and Ellie. She's very smart, and loves reading books and hopes to be a writer someday, or an actress. She's probably the most mature one of the group. She often babysits her little brother when her mom is working (sometimes together with Kami and her siblings of they're able to), her dad isn't home as he's away fighting in the army. Her favorite American Girls are Addy and Molly. She moves away during Changes for Kami, much to the sadness of her friends. I gave her the same first name as an old friend from elementary school.

Riley Jones and Jason Jones - Ashlynn Wellie Wisher doll (but rewigged with curly black hair) and Caring For Baby doll (redressed as boy) respectively. Riley is Kami's five year old sister and Jason is her 2 year old brother. Kami babysits her siblings in a lot of her stories, so it made sense to me to have them too. They're based off my younger siblings.