#also i just learned i have to take two spanish finals instead of one

[mmaeeve]

daily dean quote #148/366:

“black market. yeah, that’s what i was gonna say next. that was the next one.”

- season 15, episode 13, destiny’s child

[woso-soso]

Missing Puzzle Piece Pt.1

Mapi Leon x Reader x Ingrid Engen

Summary: Mapi and you have been together for years, what will happen when a new person makes an appearance in your lives.

Word Count: 3,639

Part 2

Any time words are Italicized it indicates another language being spoken, in the case of this story it will indicate Spanish is spoken.

You’d known María for years, having met when you were barely big enough to ride the fair rides that came into town every year. Meeting at a volleyball camp held at your town's community center, and while María thrived at it you found yourself cowering in the back. Shrinking further into yourself as you struggled to integrate into the game, finding yourself more so on the end of flying balls. Balls you weren't prepared to hit back, leading to more than one frustrated groan from the team you had been forced onto. By the time lunch had come around you were left to sit alone at one of the tables set up, that was until a wild haired girl came bounding over. A smile wide across her face as she sets her lunch down at the seat across from you. You hadn’t caught her name at introductions, having been more focused on not puking on your shoes than learning anyone's names.

“I’m María,” she said, her mouth full of food. “But everyone except my mama calls me Mapi.” 

You stare at the strange girl in front of you, her arms covered in doodles. Many of them being extremely detailed, maybe the two of you would have something to talk about after all. “I’m Y/N,” you whisper hoping the much louder girl will be able to hear you. 

“So why are you here Y/N, I mean not to be rude but like you seem to hate it,” Mapi remarks not looking up from the food in front of her as she continues to shovel it into her mouth at a speed that was honestly impressive. 

“My papa, he got the dates mixed up when registering. I was supposed to be at the art camp next week but now I’m stuck here instead.” You answer somberly. Your papa was doing his best, becoming a single parent suddenly hadn’t been the plan and the two of you took it in stride together. Even when he did mess up, at least he was trying. 

“So you like art,” Mapi’s interest piques as she finally slows down to look up at you. You nod softly as you pick at the simple sandwich in front of you. Something you had thrown together that morning because your papa had forgotten to pack lunch the night before. “What do you like to do?”

“Well, I like drawing. My papa just got me a ton of new pencils to try. But I also really like taking pictures. I have this film camera at home, papa says when it's full we can send it off to get them developed. Apparently it's a long process.” The camera had been something your therapist had suggested, she thought it would benefit your dad to see what piques your interest. Helping get inside your mind since getting you to talk was a challenge. “Do you like drawing,” you inquire hesitantly, looking again at the intricate doodles that covered Mapi’s arms. 

“I love drawing, my mama says I get ink everywhere but I like drawing on my arms. At least then I get to see them all the time.” Mapi’s answer intrigues you. You could see the cap of a ballpoint pen stick out the top of her shirt having been clipped inside to attempt to conceal it. 

“I like that,” you state, a soft smile crossing your face as you look Mapi in the eyes. Her own large smile somehow getting larger. 

“Come here,” Mapi says suddenly, “would you like some drawings of your own.” You nod cautiously, moving around the table to sit next to the taller girl. Wiping her hands on her shorts before grabbing the ballpoint pen. “Here, stretch out your arm,” her hand gently takes your forearm, extending it across the table so it lays flat palm up. The pen tickles, but quickly you grow used to it. Mapi works slowly, making small marks across your arm as you relax into the feeling. 

The rest of the day is less anxiety-inducing as you switch over to the same team as Mapi, her presence not only calming but protective as you were able to hide behind her. Avoiding any more unwanted contact with volleyballs. When your papa comes to get you you can see him eyeing the ink marks across your skin, a relieved smile crossing his face as he watches you wave to Mapi her matching ink marks clear on her skin. 

“So did you make a friend today?” He questions cautiously. 

“I think I did papa,” a bright smile appearing on your face for the first time in a long time. 

“You got in!,” Mapi shouts gleefully, her arms wrapping around your body. The letter grasped tightly in your hand as happy tears trail down your cheeks. 

After meeting Mapi the two of you quickly became tightly bonded. Spending many evenings camped out in each other's bedrooms exploring different art mediums, a football game usually playing in the background as you talked softly. Mapi had always encouraged your photography, she insisted that while you were one for few words your photos always told a story. It was because of her that you got up the courage to apply to art school, the same art school Mapi had gotten into and while she chose to focus on football and not attend you knew it was still the best place for you. 

“I did it, I can’t believe I did it,” you mumble into her shoulder. Your tears leaving a damp spot on her shoulder. 

“I knew you could do it, your mama would be so proud,” Mapi whispers softly, her hand stroking your hair. A new wave of tears starting at the thought of your mama. She had been gone for so long yet it felt like just yesterday she had been showing you her own camera, a camera locked up safely in the attic. 

You pull away from Mapi’s warm embrace slowly, your arms staying connected around her neck. Your stomach twisting as you stare into her eyes, you knew you had feelings for her. It would almost be weirder if you didn’t, the two of you had been inseparable since you were small. You had been there for her through hundreds of football games where she dominated over the boys and she had been there for you while you displayed your photographs at various school events. She knew you front and back, like a book she had read a million times and you knew her the same. Before you can even think about what you're doing you lean in, Mapi making no move to pull away as your lips connect. 

Mapis lips are slightly chapped, yet taste like strawberry as if she had just applied chapstick. Her arms tighten around you, pulling you in closer as the kiss becomes more frantic. The pent up attraction between the two of you coming out full force. The sound of your front door closing being the only thing to snap the two of you apart. Your face most certainly flushed bright red as you stare at the carpeted floor under your feet. 

“I’m sorry,” you breathe, quickly wiping your face clean of any chapstick. The strawberry scent lingering. 

“Why?” Mapi asks quietly, leaning back on your bed. Watching you as your brain races a mile a minute. 

“I shouldn’t have just jumped you like that, I just… I assumed things and I’m sure they aren’t correct,” your voice cracks as you try to keep from crying. Embarrassment is clear on your face with your blazing red cheeks. 

“How do you know,” Mapi asks. 

“How do I know? Because come on Mapi look at you and look at me, it's silly to think we could be anything more than friends.” You mumble.

“Well firstly, best friends. Secondly, what do you mean look at you? You are the most amazing person I know, I’m honored you like me that way. I’ve liked you for a long time now, I just never had the courage to say anything.” The two of you sit in silence for a moment, Mapi’s words hanging in the air. 

“Really?” You whisper, turning to look at her. 

“Really,” Mapi says, her hand taking yours. 

The two of you are practically inseparable after that, wherever Mapi goes you are sure to follow. For years you worked at small photography studios, focusing on simple family portraits, weddings, and other parties. But by chance there was a day you got asked at the last minute to photograph Atlético Madrid's game against Real Sociedad. Atlético’s regular photographer had fallen ill and of course Mapi took this as a chance to throw your name out there. Sure some of her teammates were aware of your relationship but that didn’t seem to be a hindrance as you trekked out to the sidelines of the pitch, camera and monopod in hand. The game goes well, except for the occasional stray ball you stay safely tucked away capturing the high emotions of the game. 

“Did you get my good side,” Mapi jokes as she approaches, her cheeks flushed from having just finished a full ninety minute game. 

“Now when did you develop a bad side?” Your eyebrows raise in question as you continue to pack up your gear, preparing for a long night at home editing.

“Just checking, just checking” Mapi smirks, hands raised in surrender as she turns to take off back towards her teammates. 

While that night is long. You curled up on the couch as Mapi’s head rests in your lap, her soft snores reminding you how late it was, your hand gently combing through her hair as you edit the lot of photos you had taken. Only finishing as the sun begins to rise, a nagging headache forming behind your eyes as you close your laptop. 

“Come on love, let's go sleep properly,” you grunt as you nudge Mapi off your lap. 

“What time is it?” Mapi groans as you drag her to her feet. Her eyes barely opening enough to see her surroundings. 

“It's either very late or very early, let's not think about it.” You say as you push her into bed, joining her on the other side. Burying yourself under the covers, hoping for at least some restful sleep. 

What you hadn’t expected to come from the game was a permanent job offer from Atlético. They insisted they needed a photography assistant and that if you wanted it you were more than welcome to have it. It wasn’t something you even need to consider, quickly accepting the offer on the table. In the three years you were with Atlético you learned as much as you could, following the lead photographer like a shadow. Getting to know the coaches and players, learning where to draw boundaries with Mapi, you may be together but you weren’t about to risk either of your jobs because of it. 

That's what made it so hard to leave, when Barcalona came knocking at Mapi’s door it would have been stupid to say no. But the dread of having to start over in a new city made you nervous. You were already away from home most of the time, only seeing your papa a few times a year. You had finally established a career in Madrid, but at the same time you knew you couldn’t be away from Mapi. The two of you moved in tandem for a reason, you were two pieces to the same puzzle. You would rather put your career on hold to be there for her then be in Madrid, alone. 

Things fall into place easily in Barcelona, a job as an editing assistant for the men's team opens up only a few weeks after you move in with Mapi. Sure it wasn’t where your passion lied but it was something. 

“How are you settling in my love,” Mapi asks one morning as the two of you laid together in bed, the sun leaking in through the slightly open curtains. Her hand tracing shapes along your spine. 

“It’s okay, I wish I was with the women's team but it's okay, it's a start.” You knew deep down your only actual chance to work with the women's team would be if someone leaves, and who would leave working for the most successful team in the league. 

“It will happen one day, they will see just how talented you are and they won't be able to deny you the  job you want.” You appreciated Mapi’s optimism, she had always been your biggest cheerleader. Reassuring you throughout the years as the two of you grew and changed with one another. 

“Thank you my love, we can hope, but let's not get them too high.” You whisper softly, tracing the tattoos that cover Mapis arms only stopping once your alarm interrupts your morning peace. 

The two of you go your separate ways when you hit the gate at work, her slipping off to practice as you make your way down the never ending hallways. Passing offices of people important enough to have actual doors, eventually settling into your small cubical towards the back of the room. A place you can tuck yourself into and hide from the rest of the office. 

This continues for years, Mapi and you continent in your relationship never really sharing it with others outside of your family and friends. Your social media staying very much private, especially as you start to get more attention from fans of the team for the photographs you take, having been promoted to the men's team head photographer. You were happy, sure you had hopes and dreams you were still working towards but you found yourself fond of the simple everyday routine that you and Mapi had formed. 

That was until you literally ran into a goddess. 

The tall dark haired beauty had exited the main conference room right as you were passing, not a chance for either of you to stop as you collided. The box of hard drives crashing to the ground as she grabs your arm to stabilize you. 

“I’m so sorry,” the brunette says quickly, a thick accent making it challenging for you to understand. Your limited understanding of English not aiding in the matter. 

“It.. is.. okay,” you stammer out, hoping you said something okay. The soft smile on the woman's face giving you some reassurance that you had. 

“I’m Ingrid, I just signed on with the women's team.” The woman you now know as Ingirid declares, her hand extended towards you. Your mind going blank as you gently take her hand. 

“I am Y/N,” you say with less confidence than her. 

“Well, it's very nice to meet you Y/N.” Ingrid declares, dropping your hand to bend down and retrieve the box you had dropped. Thankfully none of the hard drives had fallen out. 

And with that she was gone, your mind racing at warped speed. The tingle on your skin from where she had been holding your arm reminding you of the feelings that had coursed through you. A sudden wave of nausea washing over you as Mapi popped into your mind, your fun, sweet, goofy Mapi. How you could even think of another woman, one you don’t even know, one who will have to work with your LONGTIME partner. This sudden feeling of guilt settling into your stomach. 

You avoid the topic with Mapi for the next few days, a weird silence falling over your shared apartment any time work is brought into the conversation. You know she can tell something is wrong, you can feel her watching you as you try to keep yourself distracted in the apartment. Being barely able to sit still for more than a few minutes at a time this sudden influx of anxiety being clear as day to anyone who knows you. 

It isn’t until one late night when you get home from traveling with the mens team that you and Mapi finally talk. She had stayed up late, catching you as you snuck in the front door.

“Please, my love, come talk to me. Somethings wrong, I can tell.” Mapi’s words make your heart ache, looking into her eyes you see someone who so desperately wants you to open up. Something that you had never seen before, up until now you and Mapi had never had issues communicating. Communication was actually one of the things the two of you pride yourselves on, something many of your friends were actually stunned by when they first learned how open the two of you are. 

You take your time to drop your bags, sliding your shoes off as you close the door behind you. The pit of anxiety growing more into a black hole. Sitting down next to Mapi on the sofa, not daring to look at her. The two of you sitting in silence for what felt like hours, Mapi’s hand gently grasping yours. 

“What is going on in your mind my love,” Mapi whispers softly as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

“I… I um, I met one of your new teammates last week.” You swallow, tears pricking at your eyes as guilt eats away at you. “She bumped into me in the main offices,” you whisper looking over at Mapi as she watches you intensely. 

“Did she do something to you?” Mapi asks, a hint of urgency in her tone. 

“Nothing bad I promise, she probably doesn’t even remember meeting me. But… when she held my arm to keep me from falling I got this feeling.” You turn away from Mapi again, not wanting to see the look on her face. “And I hate this feeling, it's a feeling I’m only supposed to have with you, yet my skin burned where she held it. I feel like I’m betraying you even though I haven’t done anything.” 

You don’t dare look at Mapi, her hand hasn't left yours and she never shifts further away from you. But this feeling of guilt settles in your stomach, the fear that she will be angry at you for your unwanted thoughts lingers in the back of your mind. 

“Who was it?” Mapi asks after a few long moments. 

“What?” The shock is evident in your voice as you snap your head to look at her. Having expected anger, not curiosity. 

“What is her name? Who is it?” She asks again, meeting your eyes, a soft squeeze of your hand reassuring you. 

“She said her name is Ingrid. I think she just signed on with the team.” Sharing the only information you had. 

Mapi takes a moment to process what you had said, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks as she takes you in. “It’s okay,” she reassures after a moment. “I am guilty of the same,” Mapis' words shocking you. 

“What?” You hiccup. 

“I have had the same feelings you have had for her, I’ve been struggling with them to my love. She is… enticing to put it simply. I don’t blame you for feeling this way about her.” Mapi’s words both alarm you and reassure you. You had felt some security in knowing that while you held these feelings there was no way you were going to interact with Ingrid again. But knowing that Mapi also held those feelings, for someone she is seeing everyday, traveling with, showering with. A sudden wave of fresh tears form in your eyes. 

“You… you like her too. Were you ever going to tell me?” You ask suddenly, pulling your hand away from hers.  

“Of course I was, it's not like I would ever dream of acting on those feelings. I was worried about you. You’ve been acting off.” Mapi defends. 

“I’ve been acting off because I find this person attractive, the same person you apparently find attractive. A person you will be spending time with, alone.” A tone that isn’t anger but more so anxiety present in your voice. 

“I’m not going to ever act on it, I love you, that isn’t changing.” Mapi insist. 

“But what if you eventually find you are loving her? She seems charming, pretty. What do I have to compete.” 

“You aren’t competing my love, there is no competition.” Mapi’s words hang in the air as you process all that has been shared. 

But what if you want to share? The thought of Ingrid making your heart flutter, not in the way Mapi makes it flutter but in a way that feels like she completed the puzzle the two of you were pieces in. Your love for Mapi hadn’t changed, it had only grown over the years, but the thought of Ingrid felt like your heart was whole. 

“What would you think if I thought dating Ingrid would be appealing, if I thought she would fit in well with us?” You ask hesitantly. 

“Are you asking if I would want to open our relationship?” Mapi asks. 

“Not open, it wouldn’t just be anyone. Just Ingrid.” You respond, watching Mapi out of the corner of your eye. 

“I… I wouldn’t be opposed, not if she would be okay with it. She would have to want both of us, I’m not losing you because of someone else.” Mapi whispers. 

“I don’t think you would have to ever worry about losing me.” You say softly as you place a gentle kiss on Mapi's cheek. “Let's think of it this way, if Ingrid shows any interest we consider it. But we will not tarnish us by seeking it out, okay?” 

“I’m okay with that,” Mapi agrees, her arms wrapping around you tightly as the two of you sink back into the couch. A million thoughts racing through your mind as everything that has happened catches up to you.

[uniquedinosaurdreamland]

Ingrid Engen & Mapi León x Reader

-Annoying-

yay (kind of hate the ending but lol)

Ingrid Engen & Mapi León x Reader -Annoying- 🩷

🌸

“Who pissed in your coffee this morning sunshine?” Lucy smirked as she caught sight of you walking into the change room with a scowl covering your face. “Where are the other two, thought you guys were attached at the hip.” Lucy continued to tease.

“I can’t deal with Mapi right now, so I am going to stay far away from her otherwise I will kill her.” You said to your national teammate trying to control your emotions and stay calm. The morning started like any other waking up between your two girlfriends, engulfed in warmth until you all had to get up and get ready for training.

You don’t know why but Mapi had woken up in an extra annoying mood and her sole purpose was to make you want to pull your hair out. She knew how much you hated to be poked and tickled so all she had been doing those exact things, in the bathroom, when you were making coffee, when you just passed each other in your morning routines and even when you were walking down the stairs causing you to almost slip as well as lose your shit. Mapi had also turned to making fun of your height, you were only a few centimetres shorter then the older women but that was enough for her.

You had grown up with three older brothers who took pride in how ticklish you were and who sit on you and poke and prod until you couldn’t breathe. They had traumatised you so much that you hated anyone even making the movement of poking or tickling as it made you squirm. Yet Mapi didn’t care, loving your pouting face when she did it.

She had riled you up so much you had decided to drive yourself to training instead of getting driven by Ingrid. “You're an idiot.” Ingrid directed to Mapi, shaking her head as she watched you pull out of the driveway.

“Come on, it was just a joke, Corazón.” Mapi said, trying to defend herself.

“You know how much Y/N hates you poking and tickling her, and yet you continued.” Ingrid replied, grabbing her keys from the counter to take the other car to training since you had taken the main one.

“She’ll get over it.”

You in fact did not ‘get over it’ instead you worked hard to ignore your Spanish girlfriend through the entire training session, moving away when she stood too close, ignoring her calls from across the field, deciding to only speak to the older woman when you were placed on the same team for a game at the end of training.

Ingrid watched from the sidelines with Frido and Keira sat on either side of her, she laughed lightly as you scored a goal moving to high five your team members except for Mapi who had her hand up for you only to get brushed. “What's up with your girls?” Frido asked.

“Mapi was annoying Y/N and now Y/N won’t speak to Mapi so I’m just leaving them to sort it out, like always.” The three watched as Mapi ran by you pushing out a finger to hit your side, you scowled, hitting her hand away while Mapi smirked back winking.

“At the World Cup Ella and Alessia tried to tickle Y/N, she almost killed them. Lucy can vouch for me, she was the one having to hold little miss sunshine back from strangling them.” Keira said remembering the time you had been napping on one of the couches at national camp and Ella and Alessia had woken you up by tickling you under your arms and around your neck.

“Mapi needs to learn when to stop and she will learn her lesson once she takes it too far. Y/N did grow up with three older brothers.” Ingrid said shrugging her shoulder, she’d seen enough of Mapi teasing you and she knew you always got the last laugh.

Not even a minute later Mapi had snuck up on you and proceeded to tickle you, you let out a scream as you tried to get out of her tight grasp. You had finally been pushed over the edge and once you finally got out of her grip you turned around using all your force to tackle your Spanish girlfriend to the ground. Mapi wasn’t a typically ticklish person but you knew of the one spot on her neck that was very ticklish.

So with Mapi’s arms pinned under your knees your hands made their way to that spot that made the defender laugh and squirm underneath you. Mapi begged you to stop, being too weak from being tickled to throw you off. After a few moments she finally mustered the strength to get her arms from under your knees to grab your waist and flip you over onto your back.

“Calm down mi amor.” Mapi laughed as she now had your hands pinned down.

“I hate you.” You said through gritted teeth.

“I am sorry I have been annoying you. I will stop now if you calm down.” Mapi said looking down at you with her signature smirk plastered on her face.

“I hope you know I will get you back.” You stared back up at her as she got off you offering you her hand to be pulled up.

“I’m sure you will Cariño.” The slightly taller woman said, pressing a soft kiss to your hairline, smirking as she noticed you trying to hide your smile at the action. The whistle had been blown to end the game without you two realising so you both started to walk to your other girlfriend who stood talking with Frido and Keira waiting for you both.

Mapi stopped to talk as you grabbed a water bottle to drink from, before you made your way to the locker room you had one last plan. Turning to Mapi once again who had her back faced to you, you put your foot up and pushed it into the back of her knee successfully giving her a dead leg. You laughed loudly as her knee crumbled, with the mix of the dead leg and the hard training session her leg wasn’t working.

You weren’t sticking around to deal with Mapi’s annoyance, ignoring her colourful language and laughing as Ingrid hit her on the back of the head running to fall into step with Lucy. You were quick to move to the shower once you got back to the locker room. You had finished getting dressed in your (Ingrid’s) hoodie and some shorts.

“You are annoying.” Mapi said as the three of you said your goodbyes and moved to the parking lot to head home.

“I know.” You smiled back. “But I’ll go get some stuff for dinner on the way home, so you can’t stay mad at me.” You said as you walked to the car you had taken while Ingrid and Mapi walked to the other one.

Starting the car and pulling out, sending light smiles to the fans that were hanging around the entrance. Your shopping trip was quick, grabbing the last few things to make your mum's famous soup recipe before making your way back home. Quickly grabbing your training bag and shopping bags from the boot you unlocked your front door and headed into the kitchen.

Blowing a kiss to Ingrid who sat on the couch reading a book, not knowing where your other lover was but just figured she was in your shared room somewhere. Not having to start dinner for another two hours you put all the groceries away before moving to the couch flopping down so your head was sat on Ingrid's lap.

“Hei Kjære.”(Hello Darling) Ingrid smiling down at you moving to press a soft kiss to your lips, you smiled against hers as she pulled away to continue her book. You smiled as Bagheera jumped up onto your lap, your fingers threaded themselves though his fur getting a satisfied purr from the cat.

You were too focused on Bagheera to notice Mapi finally made her way from the bedroom to the lounge. The older woman smiled at the scene in front of her before moving to take Bagheera away. “Hey, give me my precious boy back.” You whined as Mapi moved the now sleeping cat to his bed.

“No cause you need to hug tu novia.”(your girlfriend) Mapi smiled, moving to lay down.

“You're annoying though.” You looked up at her teasingly.

“Lástima.”(Too bad) Mapi said before running full speed ahead to launch herself on top of you. Immediately burying her head into your neck, your hands made their way up her hoodie to scratch her back lightly.

“Why can’t you get along like this all the time.” Ingrid said, looking down at the two of you.

“Because my love, Maria is like a child she needs attention all the time and she thinks in order to get the attention she wants she has to poke and tickle.” You smiled up at your Norwegian lover, Mapi didn’t seem to like your comment as she grabbed onto your sides and dug into them with her fingers.

You immediately tried to get her off and you did which meant that Mapi was now on the ground. “I take it back.” Ingrid mutters under her breath as she once again watches the two of you get into a play fight. Which ends up with you over Mapi’s shoulder as she pokes you in the stomach over and over.

“STOP PLEASE STOP.” You yelled.

“Say I am the best most amazing person ever.” Mapi said, stopping her movements for a moment.

“No.” You squealed again as Mapi started to poke you again, not letting you move down from over her shoulder as you banged on her back. “Fine, you are the best most amazing person ever. Happy.” And with that you were placed back on your feet.

“Very.” Mapi looked down at you, as you moved to get out of her grip and return to your position on the sofa she pulled you in and connected your lips. Mapi moved to deepen the kiss, your legs feeling weak as she squeezed your hips, but before she would get carried away you pushed her away gently.

“I have to get dinner ready.” You said simply pecking her lips one more time before moving to the kitchen, Mapi happily making her way over to Ingrid to cuddle into her side.

You spent the rest of the night eating and watching a new movie that Ingrid had picked out, you were first to call quits and head to bed finishing your night routine before hopping into bed while your lovers finished the movie. An hour later the movie finished and Ingrid and Mapi headed up to bed, catching sight of you snuggled into the sheets made their hearts flutter.

Ingrid climbed into her side on the left after she was finished, closely followed by Mapi who took her side on the right on either side of you. Ingrid and Mapi’s hands intertwined over your waist as Ingrid snuggled into your neck and Mapi pulled your head gently to rest on her chest, the three of you now in a deep sleep tired from the fun but annoying day you had.

[cassiebones]

Rio Theory

I, like many of you, have been acting under the assumption that Rio is a primordial being, who has been alive since the dawn of humanity with the sole purpose of ferrying souls across the veil.

But what if that's not it at all?

What if, instead, Rio Vidal is being punished. After all, why give Death a name. Yes, it could just be a name she gave herself when she interacts with mortals, like Agatha, to conceal her true identity, and I know the name is akin to "River of Life" but it feels more...formal. Like she was actually born to somebody who gave her this name.

So what if she was?

What if Rio was born a mortal and was given this job after her own death as a punishment for some kind of evil she did. Maybe the "evil" wasn't even evil at all, but something she did out of desperation to try and save herself. Maybe she, too, killed her own Coven. Or maybe she was a necromancer and took her powers too far, blurring the divide between life and death, causing chaos everywhere she want until her own fatal mistake placed her in front of the old gods, who decided her penance would be to ferry a certain number of souls so that she understands just how important that divide between life and death is, that it's not something to be trifled with.

I'm imagining, since she speaks Spanish and Aubrey is Puerto Rican, that she was born in South/Central America, after it was colonized, and her family moved to The New World when she was a child (which is how she ended up in Salem to meet Agatha) and shared their way of doing magic with the locals.

And, while Aubrey is Puerto Rican, in Mexican culture death is a pretty big deal for a lot of us. Día de los Muertos is a huge thing. It's the time when you get to see your deceased loved ones. Maybe somebody important to Rio died. Maybe her parents or a sibling or the woman that she first loved. And she was obsessed with this day where she got to see this person through the veil. Maybe she tried to find a way to make her come back, to raise her from the dead.

But it went wrong and she lost her forever.

So she moved on. She met someone new. They died. She brought them back to life, but it was wrong. They were wrong. They were just a puppet, not their true self. So she becomes obsessed with learning how to do necromancy just right, so that anybody she loves can never just die. She can't lose anybody ever.

So she kind of becomes a serial killer. Just a little bit.

But she can never quite get it right. Nobody is ever the way they used to be. Either they're in constant pain/anguish or they are just not them. And Rio ends up killing her own creations, devastated that she just couldn't bring them back to themselves.

And it weighs on her, but it's still an obsession.

Until she makes a fatal mistake and is killed in response to trying to killing somebody else. And she goes in front of the old Gods, who sentence her to reap, like, a hundred times as many souls as she's tortured in her lifetime, however unintentionally, by forcing them to take part in her experiments. As a witch, since most of her victims were of the magic ilk, she must ferry other witches and magical folk across the veil until she has fulfilled her punishment.

And since witches can live for centuries, she will not fulfill this anytime soon. And she can't kill anybody. If she manages to kill somebody, it resets her punishment back to zero. She also cannot make exceptions for those she loves, no matter what. She cannot bring somebody back to life like she'd spent her life trying to do. There are no loopholes.

And it does teach Rio the importance of Life and Death and why that should never be taken as a joke.

Still, after like two to three hundred years and she's not even halfway there? Rio is getting anxious. She wants to cross over finally. She wants to be done with this punishment. She needs more bodies but she can't make them herself.

That's where Agatha comes in.

Rio can feel the death of magical beings. She feels it when seven witches die all at once, then another witch in the same general area dies just seconds later.

It's like she hit the Jackpot of bodies. So many magical deaths in the space of a couple minutes? She needs more of these!

So she goes to where they died and is practically giddy at the bodies littering the forest floor. Skipping around the circle, freeing the souls from their bodies, practically forming a conga line to the afterlife.

Then she sees Agatha, curled up and crying nearby. At first, she thinks that this is an escaped witch, one who just watched her entire coven die before her very own eyes. She has empathy. She knows what it's like to watch the ones you love die in a violent fashion. And these bodies...they were definitely killed violently. They died painful deaths.

So she approaches Agatha, who is sobbing into her knees. She crouches in front of her and asks if she's okay, if she has anybody she can stay with, anybody else who survived.

And then Agatha looks up and she's smiling, which takes Rio aback. And then Rio notices her black fingers and it clicks.

Agatha isn't a victim; she's the murderer.

And Rio is just in awe of this witch's power. She sits down in front of Agatha and asks, "how?" Because how did she kill all of these witches all at once?

"I wasn't trying to," Agatha explains. Even though she's smiling, there are tears in her eyes. "They were trying to kill me! But something...happened. I've never experienced anything like it. They all attacked me and I just...took their magic. I took their life forces. I killed them." She laughs, somewhat manically. "Isn't that funny?"

Rio cannot help but smile at it. "Hilarious," she says. "Thank you, by the way. I appreciate the work." She motions to the line of spirits behind her, all impatiently waiting to be ferried. Agatha cannot see them, which Rio realizes too late. "It's....I'm not crazy, I swear. But, uh, who's that person?"

She points toward the husk just in front of the stake, where an angry, vengeful witch is refusing to move from above her body.

Agatha laughs, rolling her eyes. "That," she says, "is my mother. She orchestrated all of this."

"Your mother tried to have you killed?" Rio huffs. "What a bitch."

Agatha lets out a cackle at that. "You have no idea," she says, her chin quivering a bit, betraying the hurt she tries not to let show. "I have no idea what I'm going to do now."

"You don't have anybody?" Rio asks, something in her chest aching. It's something she hasn't felt in a long time, since her heart went black.

Agatha motions toward the circle of bodies. "Who would take me now?" she asks. "After what I've done?! I'll be lucky if there aren't already mobs of people waiting for me with torches and pitchforks. I have nobody, nothing." Now is when she lets her facade fall. "I am alone."

"No," Rio says, reaching out to take her hand, "you're not. You never will be again." She intertwines their fingers and feels a spark in her she thought was long dead. She knows that Agatha feels it, too, because she squeezes Rio's fingers.

"Who are you?" Agatha asks.

"My formal title," Rio says, standing up and pulling Agatha with her, hands still clasped, "is Lady Death. I ferry the souls from the mortal realm to the afterlife." She looks back at the spirits that Agatha cannot see. "I actually have a lot of work that I have to do. Thank you so much for that, by the way." She grins at Agatha. "Genuinely," she adds, when Agatha looks a little sad. "This is a huge help. You have no idea."

"You're welcome?" Agatha replies, chuckling awkwardly. They're still holding hands. "But surely you must have a different name I could call you."

"Rio," Rio says. "Rio Vidal."

"A little on the nose," Agatha retorts. "Don't you think?"

"My mother had a sense of humor," Rio says. "And you?"

"My mother was not a funny person," Agatha sighs, "at all."

Rio snorts at that, looking over to where Agatha's mother was practically spitting mad: "And she took my brooch! That was my mother's brooch!"

"Yeah, I can tell," Rio says. "But what I meant was," she looks back at Agatha, "what is your name?"

"Agatha Harkness," Agatha says.

"Ooh, a Harkness," Rio says. "Powerful magic. And based on that purple between your fingers, you must be following in the same tradition of powerful witches. Spirit witch?"

Agatha nods. "I was born under the Blood Moon, which endowed me with certain...powers, apparently." She laughs, bitterly. "Just don't try to blast me with your magic and I won't hurt you."

"You couldn't hurt me," Rio says, "even if you tried. If you took my magic, you'd die. And you are far too valuable to kill. Not that I could, anyway." She shrugs at Agatha's raised eyebrow. "Rules of the trade."

"Well, then," Agatha says, flushing a beautiful pink, "it's a deal: I won't kill you and you won't kill me."

"Fair trade-off."

"I would think so."

They're silent for a long moment, energy crackling between them. Two powerful beings who finally found their match.

It's the start of a beautiful, murderous love story.

By the time they separate, Agatha has made a sizable dent in Rio's debt. Rio pays her back by showing her spells that otherwise probably wouldn't have been available to her. Agatha is so brilliant and studious and passionate, Rio would do anything for her.

Except the one thing she absolutely cannot do when their son dies.

And she finally understands what the Gods meant when they said that life and death are not to be played with, that there is always a cost.

Nicky was that cost for her. Agatha was that cost.

Agatha continued to give her bodies, but Rio never knew about them until Agatha had left the scene of the crime. She never had a chance to meet her again after Agatha started hiding behind the Darkhold. There was no way of getting around it.

Which is why she immediately rushed to her side when Agatha lost it, along with her power. There was no way she was letting her get away again.

[itsgodepi]

If I lose my mind | Ch. 8

Series summary: When you're buried under a mountain of problems and can’t seem to catch a break, it might feel like you need a complete reset. But did it really have to come with a one-way ticket to a new dimension? Surely, a little problem-solving would’ve done the trick. Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like, one of the most exclusive sports? Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x fem!reader Chapter: Previous | Next Word Count: 5.4k Also on AO3

“Your things arrived a few days ago, the... uh, what’s it called in English? The portier?” Charles questions with furrowed brows, repeating the French word once again, much slower and carefully, so you can have a fair try at guessing its meaning 

It takes you a second to give a meaning to what he is trying to say, “Is it like the one that manages the building, kind of?”, the exact word he refers to not coming to mind no matter how much you try. Your mental dictionary is running a bit low after everything went down today. 

“Yeah, that’s it” he smiles at you over his shoulder, leading you out of the elevator and into a small corridor. The suitcase’s wheels clattering across the black tiles, following your path to one of the apartments’ doors, number 7 “What, you know French now?” 

“No, no, I wish” you laugh, shaking your head at the possibility that you would ever understand any other word in that language “It just sounds similar to the word in Spanish, portero”  

Charles opens the door before answering, a sight that leaves you open-mouthed being discovered before you. You do not know in what to focus first, if the sight of the tall buildings and the port drawn out in the floor to ceiling windows or the expensive looking furniture that decorates the rest of the room “Well, you’ve come to the best place to learn”

Because yes, you have in fact encountered the perfect opportunity to learn the language. After all you'll be living in Monaco for at least ten days before going back to the crazy life of a Formula One driver. That is enough time to grasp a bit of French or drive yourself crazy, we’ll see which one of the two comes first.

Your morning had started with a chain of events that leaned more towards the second option. You had woken up in the late morning, the warmth of the soft bedsheets and the darkness provided by the thick curtains almost fooling you into believing you had finally escaped this bizarre dream, that you were back home, and your alarm was pushing you out of bed for your practices. There would be an awful day ahead of you, but at least a real one. 

But that hope was short lived. 

Instead of your alarm, that ringing noise turns out to be coming from the hotel’s phone, a man on the other line animatedly informing you that this is your wakeup call and to have a great day when you pick it up. Apparently, Nick had been the one to request the service, sceptic that you would make it in time to the airport without him nagging you about it. The exact same reason why he had prepared for a car to be waiting outside for you at least an hour before, just in case. 

Charles and Carlos are already waiting when you arrive to Budapest’s airport, inside a very expensive looking waiting room that hosts only the few people travelling alongside you. Yeah, it seems like flying private actually means flying private, with all the special commodities that brings. However, it also means that the first time you hear what country you are heading to is when you are strapped down to your seat and about to take off. Monaco seems alright, doesn’t it? 

“He called me like, right before FP2, back in France, because a couple of suitcases had arrived for me.” Charles continues recounting the events of last Friday, inviting you in and taking the heavy bag that you insisted on carrying from you “I wasn’t expecting anything, so I almost turned them all away, all your luggage for the break! Seriously, you have to text me or something next time you send your things over...” 

Mindlessly, you give in to his nagging and apologise for not warning him beforehand “Sorry, my mind’s been all over the place lately”, even if you have no idea what those things he is complaining about are or what that implication for a next time actually means. It is easier this way. 

Charles seems to perfectly understand what you are saying, the confession about the hardships you have been facing holding a deeper meaning for him than you could ever fathom “I know, it’s okay”, but he does not even know half of what you are going through  

After weeks upon weeks of waking up alone in a cold and unfamiliar hotel room —what little belongings you have pushed to a corner and some clothes thrown over a chair—, it is not surprising that the sight of Charles Leclerc sleepily going through the kitchen’s cabinets makes you feel all warm inside. The man is wearing a white baggy shirt and blue shorts, his hair a mess and lips pursed in concentration. 

He turns around as soon as he hears you padding through the corridor, a grin slowly taking over his expression “Good morning! Did you sleep well? I didn’t wake you up, did I?” 

“No no, it’s alright, I’ve been up for a while” you calm him down, walking up to the countertop and awkwardly leaning on it. Unlike him, you are already dressed up and pretty clear-headed, you never know what your mind is going to put you through in this new day. Your room is pretty far apart from the kitchen and his room too, there is no way you could have heard him with how huge huge his apartment is “And you? How did you sleep?” 

“Great, it always feels nice being back home” Charles prepares the rest of the breakfast while you chat away, inviting you to sit on one of the highchairs at the other side of the countertop when you do so much as try to help him fix the dishes. He somehow knows exactly what to prepare for you, his plate and yours starkly different and yet he is not doubting a single one of his choices, as if he had done it a thousand times. 

“So, what do you want to do today? I have to make a few calls but, after that, I’m all ready to go” the man explains, finally pouring himself a cup of coffee and coming to sit beside you. In response you can only give a shrug of your shoulders while you munch on the toast Charles so carefully prepared, you have no idea what is there to visit in Monaco. Thankfully, Charles has given the trip some though —well, he was bringing you to his literal hometown, how could he not?—, and in a second has your day all planned out. 

The conferences take longer than expected, the driver coming to apologise over and over again when he has to shut himself off into his improvised office for another ‘final’ call. That is how the hours keep ticking by and you end up also having lunch at his apartment. “This is the last one, I promise” he swears after you both get up from the table, the leftover of two delicious dishes which appeared out of thin air, still in front of you. 

You are not upset about it, not that much at least, you can understand this is his job and he needs to be on top of all these interviews and meetings —you only got a couple emails to respond and a call from Nick, but you guess this is what being in a team like Ferrari really is. Nonetheless, it does not mean it doesn’t annoy you a bit, you really had been looking forward to all the activities he had been talking to you about. Charles managed to distract you easily enough though, got you some Netflix, games and food so it all would pass in the blink of an eye. 

“Oh, sixteen? That’s yours?!” you gasp, a bounce added to your step as you approach the red Formula One car placed at the entrance of the new room. The centre of your attention in a space filled with cars from every single year and brand you could ever imagine, the mirrors on the sides and covering the ceilings giving you all of the perspective of the machine. 

“Of course it is, you didn’t know it was here?” Charles lets out a chuckle at your outburst, a grin now permanent on his lips as he follows you. The visit to the Prince of Monaco’s Car Collection had been worth it just for the look on your face, the fact that they kindly closed it for the two of you only adding an increased value to your reaction “They have the Alfa Romeo too” 

Although you could discover what the Alfa Romeo thing meant if you moved your gaze a little bit to the left, you seemingly prefer to overlook that piece of information instead, completely entranced by the car in front of you “It looks so different...” 

Possibly because everything around you is, indeed, different. After all, this is the first time you have had the opportunity to take step back and see the small details, away from the stress of the garage or the screams shaking the stands. That kind of atmosphere though, is irreplicable, the wave of emotions that fill your body as soon as you set foot into the circuit. Real or not, that is something you haven’t been able to get out of your head since this madness started.  

You are unbelievable, seriously, after only two days of the break you are somehow already missing the track? Who could have told you that a month ago Wait, a month-?  

“Does it? They have been making a lot of changes in the regulations lately, maybe...” Charles mumbles by your side, eyes ever so carefully looking over the car, and leaning over one of the signs on the ground, a half-smile pulling at his lips when he reads it “Oh, true, it’s the SF90! Oh my God, this one... Honestly, it wasn’t that bad of a year, I won a couple races too, but the car had so many problems. When it wasn’t the new tyres, it was the balance, then the understeering was awful at some point as well... It was just impossible to beat the Mercedes”  

To finish off his explanation, Charles dismissively points with a tilt of his head to one of the Formula One cars sitting farther down the room, a Mercedes from who knows what year. Whatever, it illustrates his story just fine. Besides, this movement also allows for him to catch a peek of you from the corner of his eye, a big grin on your lips that you try to cover with a raised hand “Wait, are you laughing at me?” 

“No! Of course not, I was just-” you splutter, looking up at him like a deer caught in headlights “It’s ‘cause you were, how do you say it? Like really into it? Contrated? I don’t know, I’m sorry!”  

“No, no, I’m not telling you anything anymore! Go on, I’ll be quiet” Charles declares, not hearing you and acting so very much offended that you would be making fun of him. To better show his point, he starts stepping back and rises his arms to put some space between the two of you. 

That is when you cannot hold you giggles anymore, the fact that he is trying to even avoid your eyes while you follow him “No, don’t say that, I promise I won’t laugh” you swear, taking a hold of his arm to stop him from walking away from you “C’mon, you’re the best tour guide!” 

And maybe Charles takes that praise as a challenge, green eyes shining and cheeks full with a smile which he can’t supress no matter how hard he tries. Throughout the next few days, the Monegasque shows you the most beautiful spots of the city that saw him grow up —albeit on an intermittent basis, as he recounts the numerous trips he’s had to go on since he was a child—, a city that he adores and misses like no other. From the more touristic sites, the timetables of which he knows from A to Z and to which he has prepared private visits for each one of them, to the places that have a special place in his heart.  

All of this without letting you pay a single dime, getting rejected each time you do so much as try to get your purse out, the little money you have gathered in your time in here resting inside without any prospects of ever getting spent. 

It is a shame that when you are heading to one of the spots Charles has been looking forward to the most, you are caught red-handed. At first it is not as worrisome, a French fan approaches Charles for a photo and you politely step out of the way to let them take it, which catches the attention of a nearby couple that take this opportunity to ask you for a selfie —yeah, it still feels strange, even inside a dream. Maybe the husband talks a bit louder than needed about how surprised he is to see you here, or how happy he gets the moment Charles comes over to you, but after a couple of minutes you are being mobbed by half the people in Monaco. Flashes, screams and hands flying everywhere. 

“It’s been a while since I last had to be rescued by the police...” Charles signs once he finally plops down on the sofa, changed into comfier clothes and the TV remote on his hand 

You silently sort out the food on the small coffee table, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened, nerves tingling with the range of emotions this all brought up. It is not fear, that is something you seem to have somewhat become numb to, but something deeper. That is not something that had happened to you before, people are usually behind barriers on Grand Prixes, or they have someone better to pay attention to. This had felt truly overwhelming, suffocating even. 

And yet, there it is, your lifeline. Again. 

Charles’ hand comes to caress your hair after you spend a second too long in silence, hands tracing your strands as he brushes them away from your face, hand finally descending down to your neck and lightly massaging it. He had done something similar in the middle of that chaos, his hand on your arm, shoulder or back drawing tiny circles on your skin, a permanent hold that was supposed to prevent you from getting separated, but which had done so much more. “That smells great” the man whispers, leaning forward since you had chosen to knee in front of the couch. 

The frown you didn’t feel forming relaxes as you look back at him, the thoughts previously swarming your head now vanished “Mm, yeah, it’s really tasty” 

“What?! You’ve been stealing food while I was changing?” the Monegasque rightly accuses, disbelief painting his features 

“You were taking so long!”  

Charles seems to also know his way around the restaurants of Monaco, the stack of takeout you thought was way too much for two people ends up disappearing within minutes, the great amount of food you consumed leaving you to lazily lay on the couch, bellies full and watching TV after a night that had to be cut short. 

The show you are watching is entertaining, you will give Charles that one, you have already gone through two and a half episodes and you can’t wait to see what happens next. It would have been even more amazing to not start it on season 3 though. It is true that Charles had started his offer to play it with a “Do you want to continue watching whatever-the-name-of-the-series-is?” and you had seen him scrolling all the way to the fourth episode of that same season without saying a word as well, but you had got accustomed to brush off things like this, like every other information from this reality that you don’t understand.  

You nod and carry on with your ‘life’, that has been your modus operandi since the beginning, why change?  

Thankfully, Charles gives you small explanations in the form of funny comments on every other scene, and although you don’t understand some of them, you laugh them off like anybody would do if he was looking at them the same way he does with you.  

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you question at some point of the night, eyes fixed on the screen as if that could hide any of the unrecognizable feelings boiling within you  

A chuckle slips out of his lips before he can begin answering, not fazed even slightly by your claim “You’re still so obsessed with the theme song...” Charles also meets your gaze straight on the moment you finally gather the courage to do so, not shying away from the way your big eyes stare at him “It’s cute” 

A confession that catches you off-guard and to which your response is to smile and carry on, snuggling under a blanket which has made you slip that much closer to Charles. Summer nights in Monaco are cold.

About halfway into your vacation, Charles presents you with a different type of plan for the day “I’m going out with my mother and Arthur in a couple of hours... do you maybe want to come?” the way his green eyes look up at you in expectation betray his previous show of confidence, his gaze lowering to the toasts he is preparing. 

The invite makes you stop in your track, hand half-way in the air with a piece of fruit you had tried to steal from one of the dishes. Honestly, from all the challenges you had expected this universe to throw at you today, not once would you have imagined that having lunch with Charles Lecler’s mom would be one of them, that’s for sure. 

“Oh, your mother knows I’m here?” it is the stupidest question you could make, you are aware of it, but this seems so out of the blue —yes, you have apparently reached the point where jumping into a Formula One car feels more ordinary than whatever this is. But it’s because, like, you aren’t this close, are you? Yes, you flew with him, you are spending the break in his apartment, he has prepared your breakfast every single day, but- 

“That you are staying here? Yeah, of course she knows” Charles answers, matter of fact, as if it was no big deal “But it’s okay, I know you get nervous with things like these, I can tell her you have a meeting or something” 

Perhaps if the man had not been so understanding and given you such an easy way out, you would have accepted the outing, what is the worst that could have happened? That his mom was a wonderful person who had spent hours baking a typical pastry to gift you? If you had not felt bad enough this morning when declining Charles’ offer, now you sure were feeling like the worst person to ever walk on earth. Safe to say you almost tear up when you read the note she left you on the box: Enjoy your stay, my dear. I hope we’ll see each other soon. More so when his sons reveals he had to help her write it in English. 

You miss your family that much more now, if that was possible. 

Unfortunately, you do not encounter any other opportunity to meet Charles’ mother, the days flowing past you faster than you could have imagined. Charles has surprised you with organized trips to other cities near Monaco, from both Italy and France, every new sight he shows you more breathtaking than the last. The fact that this man, a Formula One driver for Ferrari nothing less, is swimming in money, taking the sweet little activities you had thought about to a whole other level.  

Nonetheless, spending a bit more also becomes a need when you are trying to keep a low profile, neither of you want a repeat of what happened in Montecarlo —for more reasons than because it is dangerous. Which means that booking private terraces to watch the view is sometimes required, other times you get a tour through a closed section of the museum solely because they recognized him, or you, which is still something you are struggling to come to terms with, but you can’t complain. 

Tonight, to properly finish off your stay in the country, Charles has invited you out to a fancy restaurant. It is built in the outskirts of Monaco, a place where the waves of the ocean are louder than the noises of the city. You get seated in open space that overlooks the sea, the quiet and elegant atmosphere of the place captivating you. You are thankful to whoever had prepared those suitcases which arrived at the apartment before you even knew you were visiting, because the black satin dress that was waiting for you inside one of them, is the perfect fit for the occasion. 

The hunt for the perfect outfit had also brought a discovery that you couldn’t quite believe yet. Inside a white jewellery box that you had been carrying since the beginning and that you had not cared to open until today, you had found one of the most important pieces you ever owned, one you had been missing dearly: your grandmother’s favourite necklace. It had been a gift given to you many years ago, your grandmother’s promises of how it would make your wishes come true and protect you still echoing in your ears. Upon its discovery, you heart had skipped several beats, your hand snatching it from the box faster than you could think about it to bring it close to your chest, a place where it now proudly rested and that it would not ever leave again.  

The only piece of a reality which appears evermore distant and unreachable each passing day. 

The dinner is spent chatting away and tasting delicious dishes that you cannot pronounce the name of, your knight in shining armour —in this case, a navy-blue suit that fits him like a glove— saving you time and time again from embarrassing yourself trying. That gesture in itself being a blessing in disguise. It is fascinating watching Charles talk in French, sounding ever so charming speaking words you do not understand, his voice and demeanour changing when talking in his mother tongue. You have not learned a word in French, but if the hours you have spent staring at Charles talking counted, you would have the highest level. 

That is some of the nonsense you keep thinking about in the way back to the apartment, your body comfortably relaxing back into the passenger seat of his Ferrari while the city lights keep flowing by your sides. The Monegasque takes his hand off the gearstick after reaching a red light, resting it atop your knee and gently squeezing it when you don’t peel your eyes off the window. 

“Sleepy?” he queries in a soft voice, amused. 

You shake your head in response, the “No” slipping from your lips too low to even hear it yourself. Your hand reflexively comes down to wrap around his in reassurance, an act which only manages to further confirm his suspicions. 

Charles walks to your side to help you out of the car, the excuse of being sleepy —although the expensive wine and your high heels are playing a big role in your clumsy walk— useful enough for you to hold onto his arm in the way up to his apartment. The silence is nice too, calming despite the fact that it is hiding so many thoughts behind. 

“So, did you have fun?” Charles is the first one to speak once you reach the parting point, even if it is only the middle of his living room and there is still time tomorrow before he takes you to the airport, it feels more important than that 

“Yeah, I did, a lot. Thank you, Charles, for everything” you respond, the words coming straight from your heart, you are grateful for not only the material part of this vacation, but for how comfortable he has made you feel in this unknown reality. The man has truly made of your trip to Monaco an unforgettable experience, a memory that you will forever cherish. You hope he understand that. 

Although he tries to downplay it, say how much of a good time he has had thanks to you and all of that, you are quick to shush him, repeating your thanks and not accepting any of the justifications he’s give. And he somehow lets you get away with it, that easily, a fond smile pulling at his lips while he looks down at you “Okay, okay... I’m just happy you are here, honestly” 

Charles word’s startle you, your heart speeding to a hundred miles per hour in just a second. The man ignites this inexplicable feeling inside of you, one so familiar and foreign at the same time, slowly building inside of you, a warmth that threatens to overcome you at any second if you let it. This silence and closeness not helping you in the slightest. 

Paired with these thoughts come other less comforting ones, a more logical part that warns you that you have been letting this go on for too long. You let your hold on Charles’s arm fall, instinctively taking a step back. This is too much, the wine must have been playing with your head, you have let this go on for over time and- 

However, Charles doesn’t seem to agree with any of the thoughts boiling in your head, his hand following the movements of yours and catching it halfway, his fingers intertwining with yours. Not ready to let you go just yet. He can see the gears turning at full force inside your mind as well, hopes the gesture will stop you from overthinking it all and focus solely on this. 

For you though, that train of thought isn’t as easy to reach, even less so when his touch has set your nerves alight. “Oh, yeah, me too! Well-, I mean, I’m happy to be here. The first day I thought I wouldn’t even see you in all ten days, but it’s been great ever since, I promise!” the tension of the moment is too much to handle, and it forces the first stupidity that comes to your mind out to break it 

Charles tilts his head to the side, taking some extra time to process what you said “What?” 

Sadly, instead of simply waiting for him to interpret your babbling, your big mouth keeps on talking “You were working, I completely understand! I mean, you’re in Ferrari, of course... I just got nervous at first, that’s all” 

“Oh” the Monegasque simply says, his face void of any emotion as he watches you freaking out thinking you’ve upset him. You and your stupid brain that keeps making up excuses for a joke you had told to ease the tension, you should start thinking twice about it. The wine has also loosed up your tongue.  

At some point Charles decides it is time to have some mercy on you and stop your monologue, a big grin making his eyes crinkle before he is using his hold on your hand to bring you in for a big hug — what a nice way to ask you to shut up.  

“Seriously, this is driving me crazy...” he confesses with a giggle, tightening his arms around your body as you deflate in his hold, letting go of all the nerves that had so suddenly preyed on you “You know what happened? I prepared everything, arranged some visits and talked to some people, everything! And I thought: I’ll push all the meetings I have to Monday and Tuesday, so they won’t bother us at all, she’ll probably sleep until, like 2 p. m.” Charles narrates the plan he had so carefully drawn up for your visit, making a pause to lean back and see your reaction to all that happened behind the scenes before you came to the country “Well, turns out that someone, even after driving for 70 whole laps in Hungary and having not slept at all during the flight, just decided to wake up at 8 in the morning! Who does that?” 

The belly laugh that escapes you is loud, cheeks hurting from the big smile that has managed to take over your face throughout Charles’ story, his expressions and gestures depicting how much it had surprised him to see you walking down the hall that morning. All dressed up and ready for the day, if you may add. 

“Why do you think I took you to the Prince’s Car Collection that day? I thought, since she’s been pestering me for months about it, maybe that’ll make her forget she’s been locked away all morning” 

“Aw, that’s so nice!” you compliment him, elongating the syllables and swaying him from side to side to further support your words, your hands still resting on his chest and his having claimed their place at your sides. You do not remember ever talking about the collection, but that is something that does not matter right now "You've been a great tour guide"

“I really am nice” Charles affirms with a smirk, like he cannot believe you didn't find that out earlier, and you can only nod at him in agreement. He has been nothing but amazing in the time you have known each other, you’ll give him that. "I don't know about the tour guide part though, you've been only laughing at me..."

You playfully hit his chest, smiles turning to giggles that give way to a comfortable silence, a moment to relax. Happiness is spilling out of every single pore of your skin as you look at each other with a silly grin on your lips, eyes analysing every feature of the other’s face and committing it to memory as if they were about to vanish in time. A strong hold on each other just in case.

You can see Charles debating wether to break the silence or not, a soft frown set in between his eyebrows while his eyes search for a sign in yours. His lips are pursed, the words that had been stuck in his mind for a while now about to finally be pronounced. However, a strange music beats him to it.

It promptly steals your attention from him, moment broken. Your head turns to the sound, recognizing where it seems to be coming from... your bedroom? 

As if hypnotised, you step away from Charles, the Monegasque letting you go from his hold without putting up much of a fight —although he desperately wants to. Something inside of you pulling you towards the sound. The steps you take to the room seem endless, the heels clicking on the hardwood following your path and the noise getting louder, but when you open the door it all happens so fast. You somehow know exactly where it is coming from, hands digging with urgency inside the backpack you had taken to airport 10 days ago. Having come to kneel on the ground, you pull out a cloth bag and lay it out beside you, the realization that it is the same one Nick left for you in Hungary’s hotel and you had not even opened, being too vague for you to fully grasp it.  

The music is louder now, your ears ringing with the stupid rhythm when you finally decide to empty all of its contents out on the floor for easier access. You find a lip balm, earphones, some papers and buried under all of it: a phone.

Another one. A phone you had never seen, the one Nick gave you at the start of this madness still secure in your bag. Where did it come from? Nick had said the bag contained the stuff you left behind at the track, but you sure as hell did not leave this.

You watch your hand stretching towards the device in slow motion, your mind pushing you forward but getting no response in return. The screen is upside down, the case vibrating against the floor and joining the cacophony of sounds that has been bouncing off your ears, a feeling of being underwater so awfully recognizable that you get dizzy just thinking about the last time you endured its consequences. The necklace burning in your chest.

What is this phone? Who is calling?  

Your fingers tingle at the touch, the device turning in your hold ever so slowly to reveal the caller screen. At the top, written in big bold letters reads the contact's name you have been longing to see for so long:  

DAD 

A due reminder that none of this is real.  

Author's note: Omg, this is so long, I got carried the fuck away with this one. As you have probably noticed it is not even proofread, if I keep it in my drafts any longer I'll keep adding to it. It ended up being as a kind of Charles' one shot thing so I hope you all enjoyed it. As always, any kind of interaction is greatly appreciated, thank you all so much for reading!

Also happy New Year to everyone!! This was supposed to be my Christmas present to all of you but it just kept going out of control.

Taglist: @purplephantomwolf @raye2000 @yuiiimd @drezzerk33 @leclercdream @homie0sapien @minkyungseokie @carlossainzwho @rewmuslupin @kyuupidwrites @raevyng @lazybot @gills-lounge @hiraethrhapsody @jjkclub @darleneslane @therealcap @aespie

[magics-neptunes-things]

Recovery

Hi everyone :)

This was asking by someone like probably a year ago, sorry for the wait!

Prompt : have you had a good day? I hope so.someday we can get something from one batlle x reader.where their teammates think they are doing something out of character. But are they really just struggling not to take their medicine?

Maybe it's a little deeper than I thought at first, sorry? But it is a subject that I master rather well so I may have been a little carried away.

I'm still open for any of your ideas or want :)

TW : Oral fight, angst, depression, treatments, swearing.

______________________________________________________________

You’ve never been good at dealing with your emotions since you were a kid. Even if you never lacked anything and your parents always wanted the best for you, you always had a part in you that made you feel that everything you did was not enough. Having a little sister who was successful everywhere you had failed a few years ago probably didn’t help much, especially when you saw how proud your parents were of her. You have always been in the norm, in the average. You always did everything so that no one would notice you, your fear of being a disappointment taking over from the rest.

It worked for many years, until you changed class at school for random reason and ended up with Alessia Russo sitting next to you. For a reason that you never really understood, she got soft spot for you and wanted to become your friend. From the height of your eight years you were delighted and you gladly let yourself be dragged with her on the football fields. That’s when it really started. You found a sport that you liked and something that you really felt good about. Initially skeptical, your parents finally let you play and you climbed the ladder hand in hand with Alessia. The only difference was that you were in front of the goals trying to stop the balls rather than trying to put them in the net.

You and Alessia end up splitting up when she flies to the United States and you stay to play at Chelsea. You were selected to join the national team of England as soon as you were old enough and there too you made your place. At the end of your contract with Chelsea, you signed at Lyon, where you stayed until the summer of 2022. Year of England’s victory at the Euro, in which you participated by playing all the matches until the final. These memories will remain engraved in you forever, but it is also from there that your anxiety began to overtake you.

You didn’t say anything first of all, claiming that it came from your arrival in Barcelona, along with your colleague and friend Lucy Bronze. The latter had taken you under her wing for a long time, having perhaps realized that there was more to scratch under the surface of your smooth and angelic smile. Or maybe Alessia asked her to watch over you, because despite the physical distance between you two, she’s still your best friend.

Alessia introduced you to Ona, playing alongside her at Manchester United for a while. You quickly fell under the spell of the Spanish girl, her good humor, her charming smile and the way she had to sincerely care about others were something we are not used to. She quickly admitted that the feelings were reciprocal, but the geographical distance prevented you from fully living your relationship. When you learned that Ona’s transfer to Barcelona was finally accepted, you finally decided to try everything for everything. Instead of taking an apartment for her, you and Ona looked for an apartment together in which you settled when she arrived in Barcelona.

A few weeks later you were both called into your respective national selections. You knew what was happening in the Spanish squad, Ona having already refused to go there by signing a first petition against its leaders. Her change of heart was very badly perceived by the fans and the criticism she received affected you as much as it did to her. But you have always done your utmost to support her.

Being separated from Ona was not easy during those weeks. You managed to escape from time to time to find each other again, but having not mentioned your relationship outside your circles of friends, you didn't want to be caught by someone. Not to mention you were worried about the possible repercussions for Ona if her federation ever discovered the nature of your relationship.

The first panic attack you had was at the quarter-final against China. The goal you conceded that day was the first of the competition and the failure sensation that gave you was such that you had to lock yourself in the toilet at the end of the game. This is where Alessia found you and you don’t remember exactly how she brought you back to your hotel room, nor how she managed to make sure that Ona could join you there.

The following crises you managed to feel them happen, it was usually the night before the matches, but you also had some after the matches. Lauren, your regular tournament roommate, never realized every night you got up to go breathe fresh air on the balcony, sleeping too deep for that. And it was a relief to you, honestly. You didn’t want to worry anyone, let alone be pitied. Not being able to manage your nerves was a new shame in your eyes.

Except that you didn't win the tournament, losing the final because of a goal conceded. Your fault, finally. None of your teammates told you but you didn’t need to. You knew it. After your last game, you quickly jumped on the first plane back to Barcelona and away from Australia. You rejected your girlfriend’s offer not to go to the celebrations in Spain to stay with you, swearing that you were okay and that she deserved to enjoy what happened to her. If you sincerely thought the second part of the sentence, the first was probably the biggest lie of your life.

When you got to your apartment, you turned off your phone and lived in the dark for two days. Until Lucy shows up in your apartment and fails to break down the door, sent by a panicked Ona not to hear from you. After looking at the mace informs that you were under the sheets of your bed, Lucy pulled you out and took you to the emergency room. They found nothing physical, so you ended up in the psychiatric ward, despite your protests. They diagnosed you with depression and anxiety attacks but allowed you to go out only on the condition that you take your treatment daily.

You did for many weeks, before you realized that it was tiring you and making your abilities on the field less efficient than usual. Spoiler : It wasn’t, but your tortured mind didn’t seem to want to leave you alone.

So, you stopped taking them. To avoid Ona’s attention, you were throwing your daily dose of medication down the toilet. At first, it didn’t change your mood but you felt like you had regained the energy you had before. Except things started to turn the wrong way little by little. The slightest annoyance affected you a little too long and you started to have insomnia again. You briefly tried to take your treatment every two days, but it was worse than anything. So you simply stopped and you tried to silence the aggressive comments of your brain towards yourself. You had worried your girlfriend and friends enough about you.

****************

"Oh god Y/N how are you so clingy all the time?"

The phrase of one of the staff members, thrown in the tone of laughter, makes you raise your look from the screen of the computer on which Ona and you were watching a film. Train trips to another city were always a time when you chose to do something together. No team member seemed disturbed by this, you and Ona were almost tied by the hip at this point. The other couple, aka Ingrid and Mapi are doing the same anyway.

"I- I just…"

Surprised by the remark, you get up without thinking from Ona on which you had leaned your head. But your girl struck down the other woman with her eyes and took you back with authority against her.

"No need to be jealous like that" Lucy jokes from the seat in front of you, where she settled with Alexia.

"I love my clingy girlfriend just like that" Ona points and then put her attention back on the movie, making you to do the same.

You do it without adding anything, looking at the screen, the staff member leaving you to go back to her place. Or at least that’s what you want to make the other believe, your mind starting running. What if she was right and it was too much for Ona? You couldn’t stand a break up with her, she’s your pillar, your beacon in the dark. You try not to let anything appear, from your hands that become sweaty to your heart rate that has increased terribly.

Lost in your thoughts, you don't notice the worried look that Lucy exchanges with Ona between the two seats. Normally, you would have started Lucy’s joke.

Your mind slows down when you feel your girlfriend’s nose briefly caress your temple and then leave room for her lips. She kisses you delicately, making you raise your look on her. Her eyes are sweet, her smile is tender and you can’t help but give it back to her.

"Mi corazoncita"

She whispers and this time you feel your heart racing with love. You are wrong to doubt the sincerity or strength of Ona’s feelings. She has always been there for you, for the best certainly but also for the worst. Especially for the worst.

****************

Unfortunately, these kinds of moments have become more frequent as the days go by. You have started to doubt each of the jokes that are made to you, you get lost in your thoughts and you regularly wake up in the middle of the night, the heart beating way too hard. It sometimes wakes Ona up and you pretend a nightmare, making her cuddle you and help you fall asleep again. When it doesn’t wake her up, you don’t have the heart to do it. So you sneak out from under the sheets to go to your living room and turn on the television, anything that would keep you from thinking again.

All of this added to lack of sleep makes you feel increasingly irritable. You lack patience during training and you even disrespected one of your teammates. You quickly apologized and were forgiven, but it was spotted by others. With the passage of time you started to feel like you were being put in the spotlight, just waiting for the other to make mistakes and point the finger at you.

This was not lacking in the next game, during which you conceded a new goal. Again, you’ve been in a terrible mood all weekend, just refusing to talk to anyone. The worst was probably the guilt that was eating away at you from your behavior. But it quickly became an infernal circle from which you couldn't get out, despite all the goodwill and hands extended by your girlfriend or friends. The worst was yet to come.

****************

You are in Barcelona, receiving the team of Atletico de Madrid. You didn't concede a goal that day and it was with great relief when you heard the whistle of the referee. Alexia scored a goal in the second half, which was enough for the team to win the famous three points. After greeting a few opposing players and congratulating your teammates (giving you a longer time when you found yourself against Ona), you and Lucy went to see Ana Crnogorčević with whom you played last year and whom you always liked.

The discussion was pleasant and you felt relieved and relaxed, like every time you won without conceding goals. While you were talking about Ana’s arrival in Madrid, the image you saw over the shoulder of your interlocutor was like a punch in the stomach.

Ona in full discussion with one of her acquaintances, Carmen Menayo. Really, you could have endured it since your girlfriend is perfectly entitled to have friends outside of you. But seeing that the other player had her hands almost everywhere at once on the body of your girlfriend made you see red. If you had been focused on Ona’s face you would have seen how uncomfortable this behavior made her, but that was the cork of your insecurity bottle.

Unable to see anything else, you only come back to yourself when you realize that Lucy is dragging you somewhere else.

"Come on Kiddo"

Once again your mind is blurred until you find yourself at home, in your apartment, without Ona. Where is she? Certainly enjoying her friend, having a good time with someone in a good mood. Someone who would make her happy. Someone who wouldn’t be you.

The mixture of anxiety, anger and all that has accumulated in recent weeks is about to make you lose your footing and, in a desperate attempt, you begin to walk. You promised Lucy it was okay and you sent her home, even if you don’t remember it right now. You must have been convincing, because she knows full well what happened at the Euro and what you are suffering from.

A few minutes later, the front door finally opens to a hesitant Ona. Needless to say, those minutes seemed like hours.

"Where have you been?" you ask a little too aggressively when you turn to her.

"The girls told me you went home with Lucy, so I showered and come home."

Ona's voice was soft as she drops her bag next to the door. You answer nothing, content yourself with a sarcastic snort. Of course, they were on her side. Could you blame them? No, obviously not. They knew Ona and also knew she deserved better than you.

"Maybe if you had been less busy with your friend, you would have seen me leave."

The sentence was scathing, filled with bitter sarcasm. The quotation marks you used with your fingers when you said the word "friend" might have been funny if it wasn’t so dramatic.

"What are you talking about, Bebita?"

Ona approaches you and tries to place a hand on your arm, but you quickly release her contact.

"Don’t fucking touch me."

An alarm siren has been on for a few minutes in your head, but you ignore it prodigiously. The sensations you feel in your belly are such that you wonder by what miracle you haven't vomited yet.

"By the way, what are you doing here? You should have gone to your bitch’s house, probably had a better night than here with me. Isn’t it what she told you?"

Despite your accusatory tone, Ona has the merit of not getting upset. But you’d rather see her yell at you than see her eyes filled with tears.

"You talk nonsense. Listen, everybody’s worried about you, you haven’t been yourself for a while. Maybe... Maybe you should ask someone for help?"

Tears roll down her cheeks and it’s too much for you. Ona should not have to cry because of you, she is the sweetest, kindest and simply the most perfect girl on earth. The reaction you have, by contrast, is probably the stupidest possible. Trying to push her away from you is probably not the best thing. And yet.

"Not yours anyway. I don’t need you."

"Y/N..."

"No, Ona. The truth is, it’s not that I don’t need you, it’s that I don’t want you here."

You found yourself screaming without even realizing it and the silence that ensued was like death. You may never be able to erase Ona’s expression from your mind. After these few seconds suspended, Ona turns the heels and disappears through the front door of your apartment.

*************

You didn’t hear from Ona in the next days, but it would have been complicated anyway since you threw your phone against a wall shortly after she left, with some other things. Then, you spent your nerves on the cushions of the sofa in your living room before falling into tears when you saw the photos that Ona had taken the habit of hanging on a wire held with tweezers above your television.

Ona didn’t come back either, but that didn’t surprise you. You ruined everything, like every time. Someone knocked on your door several times but you didn't answer, staying motionless, lying on the floor of your kitchen or prostrated in your bathroom. You knew perfectly well that it wasn’t Ona, if it had been her she would have opened the door.

After the game against Atletico, you had two days off and you imagine that your lack of response didn't intrigue many people. Given the fight you had with your girlfriend, they must think you don’t want to see anyone. Girlfriend? Ex, maybe. You don’t know anymore.

On the day you resume training, you completely lost track of time. Daylight then street lights illuminate your ceiling and change the vision of things, but that’s about all you see. You didn’t eat, you didn’t drink, and you couldn’t tell how long you slept. The pain, the emotions have gradually given way to a general anesthesia thanks to which you no longer feel anything. Physically as well as emotionally.

The evening of the day of the resumption of training, you are awakened by the door of your apartment that opens while you were lying in the floor of your kitchen. The footsteps are too heavy for it to be Ona. You don’t even turn your head, too absorbed by the images projected on the ceiling.

"Bloody hell Y/N, what the fuck?!"

Alessia.

Your best friend appears in your field of vision and watches you with a mixture of fair and relief. What is she doing here?

"I came to see if you were still alive, you idiot. Everyone is freaking out and thinks you’re drowning in your bathtub."

You hadn't realized that your thoughts had been spoken aloud.

"It might be better."

Your voice is a whispers. Alessia looks at you from her height and ends up lying next to you, on the cold tiled floor of the apartment you shared with Ona. A few minutes passed and Alessia ended up speaking again.

"You’re in a terrible state. And I’m not talking about your physique."

You don’t answer. You know that.

"You need help, Y/N"

She takes your hand in her and you take a deep breath and close your eyes. You know that, too. But just because you need it doesn’t mean you want it.

"Where is Ona?"

"At Alexia’s."

You imagined that the Latin girl had gone to live with someone else, but during these three days you had imagined her at Menayo's. Knowing that she wasn’t relieves you, even if talking about her lights a flame in your throat that you can’t swallow.

"I've lost her"

It’s not a question you ask Alessia, it’s a statement you make out loud. The blonde sighs and turns her head in your direction. You imagine her thoughts very well, she deserves better than what you are. (Spoiler bis : This isn't what Alessia thinks for a second)

"I’m going to get you out of this apartment and you’re going to go into a place to really heal yourself. Then we’ll see what we can fix."

Except, you don’t want to. Regaining some energy, you shake your head and sit down abruptly and grab her arm.

"No. Don’t make me go to one of these centers, I beg you, Less, please. I’ll do whatever you want."

Your despair seems to touch your best friend, who hesitates, looking at you. She also sat down and bite her lips. You whisper one last plea and she sighs as she passes a hand through her hair.

"At least I’ll take you to the hospital. Maybe they’ll keep you for a few days, but as soon as you get out, I need you to swear to me that you’ll follow your treatment and go to a psychiatrist. It’s not a shame, if you knew how many players should do it too. No one will love you less because you get treatment."

*********

You stay four days in the hospital and Alessia stayed with you until the third day. From there she had to go back to London and you almost threw her out. You refuse that she has any professional difficulties because of you. Your visits are regulated and you had to choose four unique names. Alessia, Lucy, Alexia and Ona. The latter has still not come to see you and you hesitated for a long time before adding her to your list. In the meantime, Alessia had your phone repaired but you weren’t allowed to use it until the last day.

The club masked your absence at training by mentioning an ankle injury, thanks to Lucy’s responsiveness no one noticed your trouble in the last game. Plus, if you have to miss several weeks, it will not seem too surprising. It’s a relief for you, even if you agreed to get treatment, you don’t want the general public to know about it for the moment. Maybe later.

Since you can’t contact Ona by text or phone, you decided to write her a letter. Alexia promised to give it to her, but you are aware that this doesn't mean that she will read it. You often ask your captain about Ona. You know she sleeps at Alexia's sometimes, your's or her parent's. On the third day, you asked Alexia if she thought Ona would come to see you here. Hoping to see her figure walk through the door to find you with one of your three friends was sometimes difficult.

"She needs time" Alexia replied.

You noded, knowing it was perfectly selfish of you to want her here. In your letter, you apologized at length for your behavior and explained everything that happened to you in the last few days. And you told her how much you miss her, too. The discussions you had with the hospital psychiatrist also helped you a lot.

"Have you ever thought about quitting football?"

"What?! Of course not. Football was the reason I met the most important people in my life. It’s the only area where I’m not too bad."

She thought for a few seconds before continuing.

"Okay. But the way you throw yourself under the bus with every goal you take, it’s not healthy. We have to find a solution so that you stop living every goal as a failure."

That was the crux of the problem, unfortunately. But with your new treatment, which you were taking with attention this time, it seemed that you could be a little more optimistic.

***********

On day four, you were allowed out in the late afternoon. In the morning, you were able to get your phone back and with Lucy by your side you turned it on. The number of notifications was such that it crashed and you had to turn it back on. You received countless messages before and after your hospitalization. Ona’s were the hardest to read, of course. After you were hospitalized, she stopped writing to you and the first thing you did was look for her social media accounts. Since the game, she hasn’t posted anything.

You then replied to some of the messages you received, to Alessia or some of your teammates for example. Family and friends, too. With your psychiatrist, you decided to limit social media. So you have removed Twitter from your phone, limited comments on your Instagram posts and your TikTok account is only used to watch videos anyway. You never posted anything with it.

It was Alexia who came to pick you up at your exit and it was good to breathe a little fresh air. You climbed into her car, realizing soon after that she was not going to your apartment or hers.

"Where are we going?"

Curiosity outweighed anxiety, but you didn’t ask yourself where you were going. A look in her direction is enough to remove you from the head she was taking you straight to a rehabilitation center. This treatment was truly miraculous.

"You will see"

The answer was simple, but addressed with a smile that relaxed you quickly. It didn't stop your curiosity but when you left the city, you understood before even arriving at the destination. Alexia was taking you to Villassar de Mar, Ona’s hometown.

"Will I see her?" you asked after a few minutes

Alexia replied with a simple nod, startling when she saw you suddenly stand up on your seat.

"I can’t see her like that, look how dressed I am"

Alexia’s gaze slipped on your clothes, jeans and a sweatshirt that you just stole from Ona. You obviously took a shower before going out, but still. You are far from perfect.

"We don’t care Y/N, really"

"At least let me buy her flowers"

Alexia roll her eyes, but she smiled and stopped at the shop you mentioned to her. This is Ona’s favorite, in one of the villages close to her parent's. On your first date she stopped by and gave you a bouquet of mixed flowers. She told you that she didn’t know which flowers you preferred but that she found those very beautiful.

Needless to say, you opted for the same bouquet.

Arriving in Villassar de Mar, Alexia doesn't take you to your in-laws as you had imagined. She drops you off near one of the beaches full of memories for Ona and you. The windy weather took everyone away from the beach, except for a silhouette that you would recognize between a thousand. Sitting against one of the rocks that delimits the small cove, Ona looks towards the horizon.

When you see her, you feel a form of stress taking hold of you, but different from the anxiety that persisted in recent weeks. You bite your lips before feeling Alexia's arm around your shoulder, taking you for an hug.

"You’ve come a long way Y/N. We’re all very proud of you."

You don’t need to look her in the eye to check the sincerity of her words and you offer her a shy smile. With that, she gently pushes you towards the beach and you slowly break the distance between Ona and you, playing nervously with the stems of the flowers that you hold in your hands.

The wind blows a little, blowing Ona’s hair. Arriving at one meter behind her, you are not sure that she heard you. You let a few moments pass during which you take the opportunity to look at her. She looks tired, not to say exhausted. A new wave of guilt takes hold of you and you take one last step before reporting your presence.

"Hi"

She gently turns her gaze towards you and the strength of your feelings for her hits you hard.

"Hi"

She answers you gently and after a few seconds a slight smile appears on her lips. His eyes run through your face and you clear your throat before raising the flowers in her direction, a little embarrassed.

"It’s for you. They’re beautiful, but not as beautiful as you?"

Ona laughs softly, but you see her hands shake when she grabs the bouquet to carry it to her nose and breathe the smell.

"Is that a question?" she asks over the flowers.

"No but pickup lines were never my thing. You do look beautiful though" you just answer without taking your eyes off her. "I missed you."

"I miss you too, but…"

You step forward to interrupt her, not wanting to hear what she is hiding behind this "but".

"No, Ona, please listen to me." You wait until she nods before continuing. "I’m really, really sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, scream at you, or make you cry. I will do anything if you give me another chance. I know it sounds like a creepy guy with dozens of red flags, but I swear I’ll do better than I’ve done so far."

The Latin looks at you while you speak before sighing gently and letting her gaze float in the wave. She seems to look for her words and you let her do it, looking at her face with intensity. You realize that this may be the last time you see her, you want to immerse yourself in her as much as possible.

"If continue together Y/N, I want you to promise to really heal yourself. I couldn’t stand a second time watching you self-destruct like you did."

"I swear. I’ll do it for you. For us."

You mean it sincerely and the strength of your answer seems to surprise Ona. It must be said that you have seemed unsure of anything lately. She looks at you for a long time and you let her do it, a little embarrassed. Your eyes find their path to your shoes.

"Why are you always so shy?"

Ona’s amused tone surprises you and in a second your gaze is back on her.

"What do you mean?"

"You never knew how to handle compliments, you always blush when I look at you, you roll your eyes at me when I tell you that I find you beautiful…"

You retain a grimace of extreme accuracy, but you are convinced that Ona has realized it. You answer her however, shrugging you shoulders. If there is a time when you have to be honest with each other, it's now.

"I never understood what you found in me from the beginning. I thought you weren’t as interested in me as I was in you and that the long-distance relationship suited you. To be honest with you, I was looking to have the most of you until you realized there are other girls that are much more interesting than me."

Ona frowns and gets ready to speak, but you raise your hand to ask her to let you continue. Now that you’ve started, you need to clear your head.

"I was always convinced that you would find someone better than me at some point, someone joyful who would make you happier. Last week when you started crying because me, I just wanted you to leave so you wouldn’t be sad. Nothing else in the world matters more than you and your happiness to me. I’m sorry I showed you so badly, I’m sorry I wasn’t up to it, for making you cry and for making you go through hell. I’ve only been sure of one thing in all this fog since this summer, it’s the strength of my feelings for you. I really want to build something serious together. You’re the love of my life, Ona."

It was random, probably said in a completely disorderly way, but it was totally sincere. You find yourself a little breathless after your tirade and you look carefully at Ona. She also seems to be breathless and a few seconds pass, only disturbed by the sound of the waves behind you. You realize that when she speaks again, she has tears in her eyes.

"You're enough Y/N. I promise you're enough"

She whispers but approaches you to take your face in her two hands. It is a tender gesture and you feel a pleasant warmth at the precise place where her skin is in contact with yours.

"And I love you too. We’ll get through this together. I promise."

You smile softly and nod at her answer. After these long monologues, you find yourself a little short of words.

"No more lies or secrets?" said Ona.

"No more lies or secrets."

A new smile exchanged before your lips finally meet, sealing your promises of eternity. Because she loves you as much as you do. And it will be forever you and her.

[humanfleshbutcher]

HIII I LOVE YOUR WORKS SO MUCH

i was wondering if you could do like. a romantic or platonic puss x reader fic where reader just. doesn’t know spanish?? like they know some basics like “hello” and “how are you” but past that they’re stuck

i thought it’d be kinda funny tbh LNFJSFJ i love your works again!! have a good day!

Hello hellooo! I realized that I had this Tumblr now and I have so many asks and notes like 😳 SORRRYYY I KNOW YOU ASKED THIS A WHILEEEE AGO BUT IM HERE NOW!!

No hablo español

Puss x Reader (Romantic)

(I used a Translator for all the Spanish bits pls don't kill me if they are wrong, if you speak Spanish and something in the story is wrong, I'd love to hear what so I can change it!)

You looked down at cliff below you, the river water flowing faster than usual and destroying everything that would potentially lay in its wake. It'd be so unfortunate if something or someone were to—Hypothetically— have to swim through there because they had to run from bandits. Yes, very terrible. Unfortunately for you, that hypothetical situation was true.

You shivered slightly and decided to back away from the cliff, instead walking back towards the campfire that's been set up by you and Puss. There was a load of firewood just a bit further where both of your horses peacefully ate the grass.

"Odio el agua." You heard Puss speak, shaking his arm to rid of any water he still had on him. His hat has been discarded to lay next to him, also warming in the fire. You quirked a brow up at Puss, turning to fully face him. "Huh?"

"Dije que odio el agua." He said more audibly, looking at you just to be met with an even more confused face. You tried to wrack your brain for any sort of semblance of what the words he just uttered could mean. But heck, you have no idea, leading you to respond with an even louder "HUH?"

"I hate the water!" He finally translated, earning an 'ooooh!' from you. But now it was his turn to look at you with a questionable face. "I thought you could speak Spanish?"

You tilted your head to the side, "where did you hear that from?". You have never even mumbled a word of Spanish to anyone ever. Well, you know the few basics. 'Hola', 'como esta' are ones that are almost universally known. And some words you specifically learned form him are 'leche' and 'gato'/'gatito'. But that's it!

"well, I assumed!" He scoffed with a smile, stepping closer to you. "I mean, you never told me you couldn't and when I spoke to you, you never said anything." He shrugged, taking the hat off the ground and placing it back snug on his head. "Ei, and when we met you asked me how I was!" He flaunted his hands up, "¡Y respondí!"

Your mind couldn't help but buffer at his statements. "Hold on-" you placed one hand on your hip as the other moved in front of you, finger pointing at him. "All those times you spoke Spanish, you spoke to me?"

Silence ensued. You both made direct eye contact in bewilderment. "¡Si! Of course I spoke to you, who else?!"

"I don't know?!" You stuttered for a bit, not knowing how to react to this conclusion. "I thought you were speaking to yourself!"

"I don't speak to myself." He scoffed, crossing his arms over his furry chest, rolling his eyes. "Yes you do, like all the time!"

Safe to say that the river was calmer than whatever you two were bickering about that night.

...

(I know this one's short but I'll be responding to most of the asks I have after this! Hope you liked it! :) )

[hughiecampbelle]

Hi, I’m pretty new to making requests and I’m quite shy about it so I’ve tried making a few here and there recently but I’m still learning how much detail to include and stuff like that so please bear with me!

Firstly, congratulations on your achievement and I hope you are feeling better 😊 I saw on your posts that we can request specific characters for the ship so I would love to request to be shipped with Frenchie as he’s one of my fave characters in anything, not just in The Boys. I’m female (she/her pronouns), have dyed dark red hair, green eyes, only 5ft tall (but I love being short), and I have a lot of tattoos, including both my calves/upper arm/wrists/foot, and many of which I collected while travelling so they have very sentimental meaning. I’m British but not a Cockney like Butcher. My style is all over the place but I have a huge love for jackets and hats, and I love both black and pastel colours.

Hobbies - I write poetry, and have done since I was very young, but I’m still shy about it. I’m an amateur/hobbying archer (barebow recurve) and it’s really becoming a big passion of mine and makes me feel like a badass Robin Hood whenever I practice. I love a lot of media – movies/tv/videogames and co-run a movie club. I also absolutely adore a really diverse amount of music but rock and metal have a particularly special place in my heart and I love rock gigs. Two of my biggest passions are wildlife and travelling, I love all creatures and any time I’m travelling or caring for animals that’s my happy place. I take part in local quizzes and try (not very well) to learn various languages like Spanish, Finnish, Japanese and, yes, a little French as well. I love crafts and photography and try to be creative. My fave place I’ve ever been is southern Africa. Fave movies include Edward Scissorhands, Fight Club, Everything Everywhere All At Once.

Personality – I’m a Libra and naturally super flirty but I struggle with esteem issues so I tone it down because of that. I think my friends would say one of my best assets is being funny, not in a comedian kind of way but in general conversation, I have quite a strong sense of humour. I’m very emotional and sensitive but see these as positives and I have a strong sense of justice as well. I’m a proud nerd and love the family feeling that fandom brings. I think my HP house would be Ravenclaw. My dream job would be running a sanctuary for animals. I always fall for people I’m friends with first, and I love sweetness.

I hope this is all ok and enough/not too much!

The second Frenchie sees you with your bow and arrow, that man swoons. He's a puddle of himself, a mess. For the first time in his life he's speechless. He absolutely adores watching you practice. You laugh at him, saying he has better things to do, but there is no place on Earth he'd rather be than with you

You two do this thing in the car or at the office where you switch off playing songs. Most of his French techno or rap, but there are definitely a few gems you've found because of him. He has an entire playlist of music you show him titled Mon Couer and he is constantly bragging about your perfect taste in rock and metal

Frenchie promises you, when this whole mess is over, when you finally take down Vought and Homelander, you'll travel the world. He makes you make a list of every place you want to see and he assured you, you'll see it all together. You'll be free to explore and travel. You'll never have to come back to this disaster of a city

That man loves your humor. If you can't laugh off the ridiculous and dangerous situations you find yourselves in, what's the point? He has a habit of making wildly inappropriate jokes that you can't help but laugh at. He's quick witted and he appreciates that you can keep up with him

Your sense of justice is what keeps both Frenchie and the team on the ground. It's what keeps everyone level headed in this fight instead of, like Butcher's thought process, an act of revenge. When the team is feeling defeated, you're the one to give him a pick-me-up speech, you're the one to remind them that this is a fight you can't give up on

Hope you like it my love!!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜💜

Want to request a ship?

[elizabethsaige]

i can’t stop with the stobin headcanons so here’s more :)

-sharing clothing obviously but also fighting like sisters when they see the other with one of their clothing items on (they don’t really care)

-dustin so badly wants to officiate their lavender wedding that he rewrites the entire speech to fit them and presents it to them like he would a project. he gets poster board and everything, making it all fancy and convincing. in the end after his performance and some serious consideration, they both say no and he pouts but they promise he can be the flower girl if he really wants to

-joyce and hopper have adopted both robin and steve as their own children. el is so excited to have two more siblings, especially a sister to do girly things with, but since robin isn’t super girly, steve steps in and does all of that fun stuff with el, who loves every minute of it. robin and will bond through art and sexuality and expression and stuff like that, but robin also teaches will a little bit of spanish (to impress mike but he doesn’t tell her that part until later)

-in fact, once robin starts hanging with will more, she comes out to him. he is really happy to have her as a sister so he doesn’t feel so alone with what he’s going through. he doesn’t outright come out to her at first, but she knows (because of course she does) and she helps him come to terms with himself. and at the end of the day, they both help each other out because seeing will become more comfortable in himself and with his sexuality actually heals baby robin who spent all of middle and high school hating who she was and wishing she could just be “normal”

-sometimes steve and robin will make coordinating outfits with similar color schemes and whatnot

-both learn sign language because robin is scared that one day steve may lose some or all of his hearing due to all of the fights and injuries and she wants to make sure that they still have a way of communicating instead of lip reading. steve cries when he finds out why she’s making them do it, out of fear but mostly out of love for his best friend

-they most definitely have kissed “just to see how it is” and it left robin running to the sink to wash her mouth out with soap because “it really was that bad”

-steve “everyone’s gonna think we’re dating” and robin “hmm tragic. let them”

-when steve is sitting on the couch, robin will come and sit on him and sprawl her whole body across his lap. they both say it’s comfy

-one summer, they decide to do a cross-country roadtrip ending in LA and max BEGS them to take her with them. when they don’t, she doesn’t talk to either of them the following days leading up to it, the whole summer, and 2 weeks into the new school year. she finally breaks when she needs to ask steve for a ride somewhere

-robin loves fall and steve loves spring, both of them hate summer and are indifferent to winter

-the first time they see each other naked was after Starcourt when steve made robin come back to his house because her parents were out of town. she tried to refuse but he looked at her so gently and pleaded so that he she wouldn’t have to be alone. once they were back at his place, he made robin take a shower first but once she got in, it was too scary and overwhelming because she couldn’t see steve. “could you just come in here with me?” steve took a minute to carefully take his clothes off without it hurting too much and climbed in. the second he was in, they hugged for what seemed like a very long time as they cried and cried, not daring to let go in fear of the other getting taken away, before helping each other wash all of the blood, sweat, and dirt off of their bodies. that night they did not sleep but the comfort of knowing the other was alright was enough

[auckie]

Finished my boys back panel for his new apartment. After it cures more I’m gonna install it, then the drainage layer (which I absolutely don’t need) and then the substrate. I was gonna make the bottom water proof but decided to just go with a protective mat instead. I don’t think I’ll be able to take it apart later but maybe it’ll be like. The last thing I ever move idk. Then Ill put up the UVB, his lamp, I miiiight have a heat mat on the bottom just in case but probably won’t ever use it idk, and finally his giant fucking water dish and ugly bottom hide. Then I’ll see if I can fit some of the roof/side climbing limbs I had planned. Was gonna drill them in but I don’t think the pvc will allow for it. I might try more foam/silicone *and* a bit of drilling, but we’ll see. Then the top leaf coverage (silk plants lol), and finally his giant cork log. I was also planning on putting some tiling over his ugly hide, or just replacing it completely bc he has the wall one plus the log. I also gotta test the weight capacity of the wall log tomorrow after curing. It’s resistant to heavy tugging, and he really doesn’t weigh *that* much but you never know the kind of stress he might put on it. It’s low to the ground so it wouldn’t be catastrophic but it would be difficult to fix. Eventually I would like to go full naturalistic and add plants and bio active substrate. Moving water is beyond my skill capacity/willingness to learn or spend so the static dish will have to do, but I am interested in a mister even tho I know it’s not necessary. He’s been doing well with my humidifier and just some sprays, wet corners, and the dish, but if I do pursue plants it may be crucial. Granted I know scale rot is something people warn about but I figure if I keep it high then I can avoid laden substrate. Plus the drainage layer would help.

I even bought a kitchen scale to weigh him. I was gonna get a temp gun too but that’s kinda absurd since I got like, two different humidity gauges and a temp regulator + thermometer. if I have room I may also try a slight rock border at the bottom of the back panel but I’m not really like. Interested in using foam again, either panel or expanding. Bc it sucks and i despise it. Silicone too honestly, even the aquarium rated stuff which is easier (imo) to get off skin. My dad REALLY wanted to use caulk but I was like hell no. I’ll resort to shelf pins/rivets for support before I try that lol.

I just scrolled up and realized the pic is so dark bc I just turned the overhead light off and didn’t have flash on but I’m so tired and sweaty I don’t care. It’s a cork bark/spanish moss/sphagnum moss back wall but it does just look like a mess of leaves and shit from the pic. I started really clean and then got progressively sloppier as time went on

Here’s a before progress pic SORRY for foot

And here’s snoopert head. He’s getting upgraded from 60 gallon to 120. Tbh if I had the room and money I’d totally have gotten the 240 one

Fuck snoopy

[sunscreenstudies]

How to Make a Study Plan for Final Exams

It’s that dreaded season once more so I decided to create a post based on what I’m currently doing for my master’s degree final exams, and hopefully it’ll end up helping someone else out there too!

Step One: How many days do you have left? 

Create a schedule that has the dates from when you can start to preferably one week before your exams start. This will give you enough time to allow for any unplanned events or circumstances that prevent you from studying on any particular day. If you don’t have enough time between now and your exams to take a week off, then be sure to plan extra long breaks, or one day off a week up until your exam date to account for unplanned events as well

Plan out your week and fill in all prior requirements, appointments, events, etc. This includes your school or university classes, extra curricular activities, things like doctor appointments or social events. But it should also include necessary things such as meal times, sleep, and breaks

Step Two: Figure out your learning style. 

By this, I don’t mean whether you’re a visual or auditory learner, because that’s something that could easily take up it’s own video. So, what do I mean by your learning style?

This is when you’re most productive. Are you a morning person or a night person? Or a mid-afternoon person? Or even a it-honestly-changes-every-day person?

How long can you focus for? Half an hour? Two hours? More?

How long do you need a break for to refocus? Five minutes? Fifteen minutes? Longer?

This will help you figure out how much time you need for each subject, as well as how long you can study for each day while still preventing burnout and fatigue (at least, insomuch as that’s possibly during exam time!)

Step Three: Make a list of all your topics. 

Go through all of your subjects that you have exams for and make a list of subtopics for each subject.

Hopefully your professor has given you a syllabus for your class, or even better, an exam cheat sheet of all the possible topics that’ll come up on the test.

If you can, try to assign times to each subtopic if you know approximately how long you need to study each topic. If you don’t know, then assign approximate times to the subtopics, but be sure to give yourself more time than you think is necessary just in case one topic takes longer than expected.

A good approximation (in Europe, at least) is two hours of study for every one hour of class time. So if you’re taking 15 credits of classes, you should spend roughly 30 hours studying. If you’re taking 60 credits of classes, then you should spend about 120 hours studying.

Step Four: Add topics to your schedule. 

Look at the time that you have left in your schedule and assign subtopics to the empty time blocks. 

You can do one subject a day, such as Mondays for maths, Tuesdays for English, or you can mix things up, and do History in the mornings and Computer Science in the afternoon (although its worth noting in this case, to schedule the most difficult subject during the time you’re most productive, and the “easier” subject during the opposite part of the day!)

Take into account how difficult each subject is. For example, if you really struggle with Spanish but you’re acing geography, then don’t put equal weight on those two subjects. Instead, give Spanish more time because chances are, it’ll take you longer to do the same amount of work.

Also consider the type of studying that you’ll be doing for each subject. Maybe you’re really good at biology but you know it’ll take you a few hours to draw out those diagrams. Maybe you’re failing English literature but you’re a fast reader. Change the amount of time given to each subject depending on the type of studying that’s required

Step Five: Actually study. 

Now its time to put your schedule to use. Maybe you have a ton of self-discipline so this isn’t a problem for you, but maybe you don’t so you havie to send your schedule to a family member or friend so that someone else will hold you accountable for following it.

Don’t forget to take breaks. You should stand up, walk around, stretch, have a snack, refill your glass of water, or even do a light or heavy exercise. Talk to your roommates, call your grandma, or run to the store real quick. The aim is to get you out of your study space and get your body moving so that when you return to your desk, you feel refreshed and ready to go once more

Bonus: Problems. 

Here are the top three pitfalls that most people fall into when creating study schedules.

Overcommitting. The biggest problem that I see people face is overestimating just how much they can get done in a day. This is why I say to give yourself extra empty days and overschedule your tasks, so that even if something does take longer than expected, your schedule hasn’t been completely derailed.

Not scheduling enough breaks. I cannot overstress the importance of taking regular breaks while you study. Whether it’s for twenty minutes or even just five, you need to remove yourself from that study environment and allow your brain to readjust. You must give yourself time for the information to sink in, and the last thing you want is to be hungry, thirsty, or tired while trying to study for an exam.

Not adjusting your plan. This ties into the previous point. If it doesn’t work for you, then change it. If you need more breaks, then add more. If you initially thought that you could focus for an entire hour but then realise that half an hour is better, then adjust your schedule as needed. This is your study plan. No one is making you follow the first draft. So change things when you have to, because otherwise you’ll find yourself exhausted and burnt out, and nobody wants that!

[leilawoo]

Returning to Tumblr...

After some much needed time away from this site following the untimely loss of my original blog, I think I'm finally up for slowly rebuilding a semblance of what I had before. Although, I don't think there are as many artists on this platform as there used to be, so I doubt I'll be getting back up to over 1000 people to follow.

On my old blog I had an entire About page set up that one could get to on the desktop, but I don't think it ever once got seen so I'll make this a pinned post instead and include some short info below the read more.

I go by either Leila or Lupo. Just default to they/them with me (you can unlock extra pronouns through friendship :3). I've been using Lupo as part of my handle online for the longest time, so if you're looking for one to go with that's a safe choice.

This blog will primarily be filled with reblogs instead of original content, and mostly just of anime art (with sources of course, added by me if I have to). While I don't plan on having explicit stuff here (but it's not a non-zero chance), I'm just going to enforce that this should be considered an 18+ only space. If I think something is ecchi/nsfw/sensual it'll be tagged with #e (for ecchi); other sensitive topics will probably get a tag of some sort too.

#dalle dita del lupo = my text post tag

#dalla bocca del lupo = my ask tag

A little about me:

My most heavy interest is linguistics, specifically historical linguistics / philology, and conlanging. I'd love to talk about anything languages and if you want to know more about my conlangs please ask!

With my interest in languages came also the interest in learning to speak a foreign language. Sadly I am not fluent in any second languages yet. I had 4 years of Spanish in high school but I never used it so I've lost a lot of what I learned. I self-studied German and then Dutch to near B1 level after high school, even getting good enough at the former to understand most of what my German teacher would say when she would be teaching the class entirely in German in my intermediate classes at uni. But like with Spanish I have not used either of these languages consistently and lost a lot of what I gained. My current focus is learning Japanese, which I have been off and on at technically since middle school, but I am now taking it more seriously. Eventually I also want to learn Korean and some Chinese languages.

I got my Bachelor's degree in Cognitive Science with a computational emphasis, but this wasn't what I was accepted for in the beginning. That was Astrophysics. I'd like to return to school sometime soon to pursue higher degrees in CogSci and Linguistics, working toward doing research in what I'm calling Cognitive Computational Linguistics. I worked as a math tutor for community college and high school students for a while during my time as a community college and university student. My favorite subject to tutor was Statistics.

I'm looking to improve at programming in general but I lack any projects that I want to work on (I gained two ideas shortly after I made this post lol. They're both beyond my current ability but hey, they're something to aim for). I also only really know fundamentals in several languages and not enough to actually accomplish significant things with them. To be honest, I could really use an experienced mentor and some challenging projects to work on.

Hmm, not much else to say here. Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll stick around :3

よろしくお願いします～

[ladespeinada]

Tagged by @postmodernau to share an excerpt for WIP Wednesday 🌟

Technically, my only WIP at the moment is my Tina / The Bear fic, Before The Next Teardrop Falls, so the excerpt beneath the cut is from that. I have various bits & bobs for other The Bear fics that I’ve taken a step back from for the time being, happy to share snippets if people are interested (and because I kind of want to share what exists but also don’t want to finish anything just yet, lol). 

Marcus & Luca, Long-Haul Truckers AU (thank you, Orville Peck)

Only You, Darling sequel 

Sydcarmy “divorce” fic

Sydcarmy canon divergence where they meet in NY during Syd’s food tour 

Won’t tag anyone explicitly but if you’re working on something and you want to share a snippet, please feel free to use this post as an excuse! 👀

“Hey, Chef, is there like, a family shelf or something?”

“Shelf?” 

“Si, como, la comida extra para usar para comida familiar,” Sydney asked kindly.  

��Ah, si, la comida familiar. Fuck off,” Tina spat before stalking off. 

Sydney looked all of 15. Tall and slender, with her braids pulled back with a bandana. She moved through the kitchen with only the barest hint of hesitation. She loomed over Tina, both in stature and in stance. Her voice in Spanish was soft and girlish and that was the final straw. Tina hated her already.

Tina knew she was being unfair, but her self-awareness wasn’t going to get in the way of her annoyance. Carmy and Sydney were glaring reminders that Mikey was well and truly gone, and never coming back, and she couldn’t forgive them for it. 

She had fooled herself for months, as the weather turned warmer and spring erupted in flowers and rain, that he was just on vacation. Maybe moved, temporarily. Just taking a break from The Beef, and he’d be back, eventually. 

She imagined him near water, having traded the shores of Lake Michigan for an actual beach. Maybe Hawai’i, maybe California, taking up surfing and eating fresh fish every day instead of the mountains of beef they went through. Maybe the coast of Italy, swimming in the Mediterranean, the prodigal son returning to his ancient home to fucking finally learn Italian. 

But there was no longer space for Tina to fool herself, not with two new bodies flowing through the ragged system of the kitchen, not with every seat taken during family with no space left for Michael Berzatto. He was gone, and he would stay gone, and nothing, no one, could ever, ever change that. 

[beautifulxdamned]

Wait is that (LOUIS PIQUET) that I see off in the distance? You know they have quite the reputation of being the (CRIMSON) around the island, but to me they seem like any other (VACATIONER). I hear you can often find the (25) year old hanging around (SUNNYSIDE VILLA) or catch them when they aren’t busy working as a/an (UNDERGROUND CAGE FIGHTER). They may seem (CONFIDENT & METHODICAL) but I hear that they can also be (MANIPULATIVE & AGGRESSIVE). There may be a lot of faces here in the bay, but you’ll know who you’re dealing with if they remind you of (BLOODIED KNUCKLES, VOLDKA IN A WATER BOTTLE, FEBREEZE DESPRETLY TRYING TO MASK THE SMELL OF MARIJUANA, AVOIDING FAMILY REUNIONS & SMILING IN A MUG SHOT) [Gabriel Guevara, Cismale, He/Him]

QUICK STATS

Full Name: Louis Antonio Piquet Nickname(s): Lou & El DOB / Zodiac: June 3rd 1998 / Gemini Orientation: Bisexual Hometown: Manhattan (Southside), New York City Positive Traits: Confident, Methodical & Charming Negative Traits: Manipulative, Aggressive & Stubborn Languages: English, Spanish & French

BACKGROUND

tw: drugs, alcohol, violence, cheating, juvie, parental homophobia

Louis was born with a silver spoon in his hand when he would have preferred a knife. Always the trouble child compared to his older sister who was given the role of the golden child early on, not that she had much competition.

Despite the siblings being complete opposites in the eyes of their parents the two grew to become inseparable, after all who else were they going to share a bond with? The constant cycle of nannies that they went through or perhaps the gardener?

By the time Louis was thirteen he had already been kicked out of five different schools, resulting in the boy being homeschooled. Despite being a smart kid Louis opted into the world of street smarts verses book smarts. He figured that his time was better spent learning about life from the streets of New York City and not some highbrow professor that his parents had thrust upon him.

The Streets of New York City welcomed the boys rebellion with open arms. Louis likeable personality, along with Daddy's money, was quick to award the man friends. Louis began running with the wrong crowd and perhaps it was feeling like he finally belonged somewhere, or the horror he knew his parents would feel at the knowledge of his newfound hobbies, that had the man diving in head first.

By the age of fifteen Louis found himself in and out of juvie do to his new found hobbies. Now not only selling drugs but choosing to partake in them as well with a little push from his pals. Perhaps that was where the mans battle with addiction began or perhaps the slippery slope had started long before that.

At eighteen his father finally put his foot down when Louis had come out to his parents, informing them that he was bisexual, of all the places to draw the line. Pulling Louis from the life that he had created, his father blaming the drugs and alcohol for his poor decision making. He had threatened Louis with disownment if he didn't 'straighten up'.

The man kept his scandalous behavior behind closed doors while training to become the eventual CEO of his fathers company. It wasn't a career that he would have chosen for himself but instead one that his father had chosen for him, looking right past his sister who had openly expressed her interest in such a position.

Louis needed an outlet for all of the pent up aggression and anger at no longer being his own person. So he turned to an old friend who introduced him to the world of underground fighting. It was exhilarating. The feeling of being in the ring with another man, no rules or stipulations. Just two men duking it out, the best man takes all and God was Louis good with his fists.

Things took a revolutionary turn for Louis when he turned twenty-four. He had caught his father screwing his assistant after hours and well with the man now indebted to him, blackmail was a beautiful thing, Louis was free to do as he pleased.

So he dropped his role at his fathers company, instead pushing his sister to take the position, she'd be better at it anyways, and instead threw himself into the more professional side of underground fighting. Watch out Celestial Bay because this is the first summer in years that Louis has the freewill to fall into bad habits and boy does he plan on doing just that.

EXTRAS

If addiction was a person it would be Louis Piquet. Violence, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling... you name it and Louis has probably been addicted to it at least once in his life.

Louis is aggressively detached when it comes to relationships. Family, romantic, friendships it doesn't matter he rarely gets attached. There are only a few people that he sincerely gives a fuck about so if you're in that group consider yourself lucky.

Louis loves being the center of attention although he would never admit that.

He is a bad influence and would relish in getting somebody to do something that they wouldn't normally do.

Deep deep deep down inside he is a good person and if you manage to break through his exterior he is really just a puppy.

Connections ● Pinterest ● Playlist ● Musings ● Threads

[pbandjesse]

I am so tired. Everyone thought I was taking off from the market today but I did not! I was there and I spent more money then I made but it was a beautiful day and I'm glad I was there. And I got a lot done today.

I slept alright. When I got home James helped bring everything upstairs. And I hate to go to sleep with a big mess but there was only so much we could do. They would sort the laundry and at least get things into the correct rooms. But it was just a lot to get done. I would save that for today.

We went to sleep and I woke up at one point to use the bathroom and got very woozy and almost fell over. I really wanted a mournful of peanut butter but instead was able to make it back to bed and fell asleep.

I woke up after 7 and got ready pretty quick. My hair was looking really nice today. Like healthy nice. I have been liking it after I wash it and it's really doing wonders for me. Especially as we get into winter and the air gets dryer I am trying to focus on hair health so it can grow longer. Trying not to use much heat and being gentle. A little self care project.

We went to McDonald's and got 3 hash browns to share and then James helped me get set up for the day. Stanley had to head out so James couldn't lollygag outside with me. They don't often anyway but I still want them too. After I got set up we got our bakery stuff from Ginny early. And I would go back and pay for it because James had to run back inside.

I was a little fidgety at first today and wanted to walk around and see everyone. Lock gave me a fancy tomato for free. I got my guacamole and figured out why it's been weird. It's a different kind of avacado! I don't know enough Spanish to ask the nice man why but I saw them and they are lime color and longer. I still like the guac but Google says they don't have as much oil and that's why they are sort of thinner. Not as whippable. Still good but not as amazing as it was. I am still going to eat so much of it.

I also got berries and I got some figs. I got the figs for Anne, James's mom, because she loves figs. There is a joke about being waspy in there but I will let you write that yourself. Hopefully we can give her and Tucker those tomorrow. Maybe we'll have dinner with them.

I was happy to see CJ. Callie is just so good at making people flowers and it's super nice to have a friend there. I would make her a friendship bracelet while I was standing there trying to get any sales. It was a slow day for me. But not for the market. We got almost 700 people throughout the morning! That's crazy!

I didn't recognize her at first but Julie from the nursery came through and said hi. I was like hello, I know you but I'm not sure why but I'm not going to say that. And finally she mentioned Becky and I was like ohhh!!! It was because I had never seen her without a mask! She had a baby! He was so cute! And she had two dachshunds! It was nice to see her and she bought one of my sale bears. She said I can't say I haven't sold anything now and it was very sweet.

I only sold $10 bears today. Which is fine. I also sold 4 stickers. I need to get some new stuff for the table. I also need to have James order more sticker designs. I want to do some Halloween, or more likely all the holidays, ones this week I think. Maybe when we drove to my parents on Tuesday.

I did get some knitting done. And I enjoyed the weather. But it was also super windy and so I was a little stressed about things falling over which made me on edge. And then I was cold. Me and Callie went and stood in the sun and I sat in the dog sculpture which was very warm and we learned his name is Sailor which I thought was so cute.

Meril was there too and it was fun talking to her. I told her about Louis Wain and a tattoo I want to get and I made us both cry. And w sent texts to each other from across the market about the people who were very very clearly there for the jazz concert. With their berets and shirts just in their shoulders. And the music was good and wasn't as unbearably loud.

Ann was being bad cop at people because they were putting their cars where they shouldn't or letting there dogs fight or using market tables for eating?? But it was nice chatting with her too. We actually all catty and I come up with reasonable doubt. Like apparently someone didn't come last week because their mother died. But then their mother came with them this week. And I'm like. Maybe they have two mothers, maybe they were in a beautiful lesbian relationship you don't know!! That is basically how all our conversations go. She says something and I make a wild or outrageous explanation.

I was really excited to leave though. I had told James I would get groceries if they wanted me too but I was also super tired. They told me to go rest and they would come home and while they were working on laundry they would get groceries. I appreciated that. And a little after one, and after giving Callie a big hug and telling her to let me know if I could help her move/unpack this week because I love unpacking. She also told me she got her placement for teaching and she's really happy so I'm also really happy for her!!

I went inside to say goodbye to James and then I was out. Getting home was better then yesterday when everyone was driving stupid. But in the other direction towards the museum exit was completely sitting still and there seemed to be a bad accident in the middle of the traffic?? I hope everyone and everything is okay.

I got home and ran into Mr Will outside who gave me many cheek kisses because it's been like two months since I've seen him. He seemed so much healthier then the last time. I wanted to stay and chat but I was also so tired. So I had to say goodbye and come upstairs.

I got up here and I wanted to start cleaning but decided I would sleep as long as I needed, which ended up being until 5, and then would spend as long as was needed to get everything away.

And I fell asleep hard. I slept for almost 3 hours. I really needed it. And when I woke up I got redressed and had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. James was at the store still. And I spent a few minutes waking up and feeling like a person again.

Once I was awake I got into organizing. And would spend the next 3 hours sorting and putting away. I am not done, but at least it's better. Things have spots for now. I want to get some vacuum saver bags for some of our extra pillows and blankets. And I want to get rid of some stuff. But at least for now I have made great progress. And James helped a lot. They sorted my basket of half finished projects and fabrics and put them in the boxes I have gotten for that. And I worked on the closet in the studio. Finally got the cart in there. And I am just really pleased. I also found a better way to keep my extra garment rack and I'm going to use it for all my coats for now. Which frees up the closet even more.

I also started going through my lotions and makeups again. I got rid of a half trash bags worth of lotions and deodorant and makeup. All expired. Or weird smelling. James is going to go through our nail polish at some point this week and I am going to go through the bathroom closet. We just have a lot of half finished things and stuff we aren't using. And it needs to get cleared out. I'm very happy with what we got done though. Even if the work continues.

Around 9 I finally got a shower. And laid down. And now I am ready to get some sleep. James just came in the room and immediately sneezed so loud. Causing a commotion. And I'm sitting here texting stupid stuff to Celia and Jess is telling me about her day. And I feel happy.

Tomorrow I hope to get more organizing done. I also want to make a list of stuff I want to accomplish this week. I want to use my two weeks well. I hope you all have a good Sunday it's also my brother's birthday! He's going to be 30!! I love him very much. Maybe when we go see my parents on Tuesday we can see him for a minute. We will see what happens.

I love you all. Sleep good. Take care of yourself!!

[emptymanuscript]

I feel like this one has so much room to play around in.

Like, are we talking, I go back knowing everything I know and it's just, do you wanna do it again? Or are we talking I rewind time and only remember enough of the future to know that in some alternate timeline I had my current opinions about my education? Or... some other variable, like if you went and did this degree instead I know my life would be different in these particular ways? And how often can one redo and compare? And how big can the change fallout be, etc? Oh! and how far back are we talking? Like are we just going back to first day of class registrations or are we going younger to prep for a different major and things like that?

I know a lot of the stuff that I am most pleased with in my life are emergent effects from decisions that include my BA. So I would be EXTREMELY hesitant to seriously change it. I even met @coatntails specifically because of mutual school connections. We were both friends with findingsherlock and minion who were in my major with me. I'm even fairly certain we would never have gotten together if findingsherlock hadn't made it her freaking mission to get us together, which we finally did ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. @coatntails was one of the bridesmaids and I was the officiant. And findingsherlock and minion gave up their fourth wedding anniversary to return the favor and officiate for us. Come to think of it... pretty much all the people from college that I still talk to regularly, I met through my major. So... you know... I don't really want to give that up.

But I could certainly enjoy tweaking it. Like, I would absolutely send a very emphatic message back in time to my college age self looking sadly at statistics requirements and demanding that I buy myself a copy of excel and take the damn "Statistical Methods in Psychological & Brain Sciences" course because I really do regret how close I came to getting a minor in Psychology and giving up. If I went back with everything I know, I would abuse the hell out of my priveleges and aim hard for a dual major in Psychology instead of just a BA in Creative Studies with a literature emphasis. Get the damn double major.

I would also damn well send myself a message to NEVER take a break from the SBWC, that is a HUGE regret for me. It nourishes my soul. And, you know, it might offer some huge advantages.

Where I would seriously consider changing is actually my Masters. My Masters Degree was good. But I'm not sure I couldn't have done better with less pain by taking another path. And the easiest way to do that would be a very stern message to my past self to really go all out on language learning.

If I could go far enough back and really communicate or hold onto knowledge, I think I'd try to convince my former self to not just stick with but actually try significantly harder with Hebrew, Spanish, and Russian. Actually can I go back and talk to my parents? (Very Dangerous Idea) but like just to say, hey, start Hebrew REALLY early, like immediately, I'm gonna have a really hard time with it so I'm gonna need a lot more help a lot earlier if you want any possibility of me being able to work with any of it. Also, talk to your kid about Talmud and Kabbalah instead of... whatever we called Sunday School (Thursday school? Temple school? Can't remember). Religion and what passes for history isn't gonna work. Go with ethics and mysticism, those things your child actually cares about. Then I wouldn't have the impulse to choose the grad school I did because a decent chunk of my choice was based around finding a school that both offered a PhD (which I now know I do not actually want in writing or literature, at least not enough to do that much work for that little return) but also didn't require me to know two foreign languages (which I do not).

But you know, if you're going that far back and can communicate or even just remember everything, like can you just try and track down your people vastly early. Most of the people who are my primary attachements in my current life not only lived in my country but in my home state. Three not only lived in my state but in my county! Minion, even though I never met him until college, actually lived closer to me in time and mileage than I went to school in 4th, 5th, and 6th.

Of course then there's the convincing of people... hi, is ____ at home. Heuy, ____! Look, I know you've never met me but I have traveled back in time from a future where you are important to me and I miss you and don't want to wait until we actually enter each other's lives naturally. Might be a bit awkward.

...though I do wonder if I could save some friends pain. Like, could I interfere somehow with people who I know will be hurt if I kind of know where-ish, when-ish, and how-ish they were hurt? Would they then end up the same people? Hmmmm....

This is how we end up with alternate lives stories... huh.

If I can keep the people and what I know, though... then I wouldn't have to keep the places. Then, yeah, I'd probably change my major so I could have more knowledge because I LOVE being an insufferable know it all. Of course then I'd have to decide if I wanted psychology, education, or linguistics. Maybe religious studies but I'm always fascinated by religious studies UNTIL I'm actually taking classes and then I'm bored out of my mind, so probably not. There's also media studies :/ that would be useful.

Hmmph... I'd probably need to go back early enough to give some thought to what I'd actually want to study XD.

I think I'd still want the same ideal job that I ideally want now (and am not going to get). So... probably education, I guess. Yeah, there's a change I think I'd rather... just going so much harder after the job I wanted when there was time, energy, and momentum on my side.

Bleh... that sounds depressing.

Hmmmph.