#also i have a lesson like currently
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Evan: where the fuck did Barty go???
Reg: I swear, if you dont put your extrovert on a leash, they wander off!!!
#based on a conversation i had#the extrovert returned after making another friend#anyways#barty was the resident extrovert who adopted evan and reg in their first year#then pandora befriended reg and bam#dorcas was also an extrovert but mainly became friends with them through reg and quidditch#also i have a lesson like currently#but the teachers not in so we're chilling in the common room#and i want to write#but i dont think its socially acceptable to write fanfics in a public space lmao#soooo yeah#marauders#regulus black#barty crouch jr#evan rosier#regulus arcturus black#regulus and evan and barty#rosekiller#introverted#dead gay wizards#james potter#jegulus#sirius black#james x regulus#remus lupin#wolfstar#starchaser
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couple more recent commissions! commissions form
#I'm almost through with all my current commissions! slots are still full but they are soon to be open again.....#i have a sneaking suspicion that people like when i draw 40something year old men#which is great because i also like drawing 40something year old men#carlton lassiter#psych#psych lassie#gregory house#house md#ive seen one episode of house md and thats because my anatomy and physiology teacher in 2017 put on an episode for class#im assuming because he didnt have a lesson plan that day and also wanted to watch an episode of house md idk i dont remember#star trek tos#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#commissions#forecastoctopus#forecast0ctopus
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Stolen from Scummy's reblog because I wanted to do it too!
Note that most half-filled squares are ones that are technically true, but it's under specific circumstances and rules, will explain below
So, for now, some Blorbos from me:
-Intense in loves and passions (for Nobunaga, for MC once they get together, for trying to get Mitsuhide to take better care of himself, in his care for others, dude is just passionate for his loved ones!) -His love for Nobu and his interactions with Mitsuhide can get a little fruity, not gonna lie. -Technically orphan since we don't really hear much about his family aside from his poor upbringing and having to be a bum to get by until Nobu came into his life. Agas in discord has also told us about RL Hideyoshi and how much his mom loved Kennyo and I think that's funny to think about sometimes. -Frequently violent but only when it comes to protecting his loved ones. He thinks one of them is in trouble and the man will go feral trying to find a way to help them. Overall speaking, he's not particularly violent, I don't think though.
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-Nothing anyone says is gonna make me change my mind about this man being bisexual. Nope, not happening. -Technically a tragic backstory as he frequently does Team Oda's dirty work of spying and torture, but his tragic backstory is not quite to the extent that some other characters go through, like poverty, figure-headness, and killing a loved one.
-Technically frequently violent, but it's mostly in the pranks he pulls. Not ferally violent, in a sense. He's sneaky about his violent tendencies. You don't want to mess with his wife, after all. -Divorced? He's a double agent that always goes back to his ex (Team Oda).
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-Being an immortal vampire means you must have some complexities and that doesn't excuse you being fruity, monsieur. -Technically an orphan as I don't think we hear much about his birth family as we do Leonardo and Vlad. They're mentioned sometimes but no word on their current status as he tends to focus more on his found family. Until I get confirmed status, he's orphan status to me, thus why the creation of his found one. -Divorced from Vlad, duh.
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-Listen. Listen. Devon/batteryrose was onto something with shipping Nokto and Slivio. Plus, been thinking of finding ways of shipping my OC and him with Rio. Just something about Nokto and the Bentonite princes does something to my mind, okay?
-Technically an orphan after what happened to his and Licht's mom, plus the whole reason for the Belle procedure is because his dad died. Maybe it doesn't count because he was an adult when his dad died, but, technically speaking, both his parents are dead, so... -Murderer by technicality because of Blood-stained Roses Day (all the princes at the time were said to have participated, so, technically speaking). He also tried to poison some merchants for a business deal, so attempted murderer too, technically?
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-Have you seen this demon when his family is in danger (actual, perceived, or otherwise)? He will go absolutely bat-shit feral when his family is in danger! Once you're under his wings, nothing will stop him from going to the absolute limit and beyond for you.
-Technically divorced from the Celestial Realm because of Circumstances™️, not from a specific person.
-Also on a technicality, because of that... whole war with the Celestial Realm, so some angels were more than likely killed, right?
#krys talks#meme thingys#ikemen sengoku#ikemen vampire#ikemen prince#obey me#hideyoshi toyotomi#mitsuhide akechi#comte de saint germain (ikevamp)#nokto klein#lucifer (obey me)#some other things I didn't get around to talking about above#hideyoshi and mitsuhide are murderers by trade bc both are warlords so that's why that's colored in for both#hideyoshi may also be a frequent rule enforcer but he does soften up around some of them so technically a rule changer than a breaker#nokto having no friends is technically true as he has brothers and his faction isn't all buddy buddy like his twin's faction is#plus he does more business dealings while socializing but we don't really see anyone he really talks to about deep personal things until-#MC comes along#maybe to licht on occasion but they're more estranged currently so Nokto doesn't really have any close personal friends methinks#about Lucifer he is technically an enemy of god (who is his creator) and he went against him for his little sister#turning him back into his angel form and his dream back in NB 38 still sits wrong with me and I hope that gets addressed in future lessons#if it'd had just been bc of his ring reacting to him or something that would have been one thing but... still sits wrong with me#and thinking on it now still thinking if Lucifer is more of a rule breaker or a rule changer#his downfall was bc of rule breaking in the first place#and he's a rule enforcer bc of his brothers and their antics#but there are times he does soften up if he sees the rules are actually hurting his family#and change them because he knows first-hand what breaking hard rules does to a person#so as of nowadays#despite his rule-enforcer ways he does bend sometimes if the situation calls for it#those are my thoughts for this#feel free to discuss if you wanna
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just had a brilliant fucking idea for a change to my Halloween costume this year
so last year i dressed as Tuxedosam, bc he's my favorite Sanrio character, and to more easily explain who he was if people asked, i bought a plushie to carry around and show people, as well as telling them "he's Hello Kitty's friend." but i had a thought—could i find an iron-on patch to put on my suit jacket?
so i looked, and lo and behold: he exists!!
alas. there are no reviews. so he may be poorly made. but it's a chance i'm willing to take (and if ironing him on doesn't work, i can try and sew him on. it's fine).
#ohhh wait looking on sanrio's site there's also an enamel pin......that would probably be easier............#might save the pin for my lanyard and get the patch anyway. i don't use the suit jacket for anything else#so it's not like he needs to be temporary#having these thoughts a month in advance bc dylan is currently scrambling to get its taako cosplay in order for a con#and i'm using that as a lesson in procrastination#(...i say. while procrastinating on homework by googling and posting this. oof.)#friday chats
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As the first math anon (the one with the failed exam), I really do appreciate you writing out a response for me. I will sincerely take your advice and tips to heart.
I hope it helps, anon!! If there's any specific parts giving you trouble (except geometry bestie sorry) I'm happy to try and help break it down!
#ask#anon#i will never forget being in middle school while my dad went back to college for some certificate thingy#and by chance we happened to be at the same level algebra for our math class#and on the same lesson#so i asked him for help with my homework one night and he was like 'yeah i got you we just learned that watch THIS' and showed me how#next day i got it back and i was like **so that was fucking wrong**#my dad says that was the day he knew he'd never be able to help me with my current schoolwork again it was too above his paygrade#did we all have that childhood experience of our dads angrily yelling/repeating a math question at us because we didn't know the answer#but also like 2 years ago my nephew asked me for help with his online math class and ofc it was geometry#i spent like 30 min working out one problem and i was like 'okay i am confident THIS is the answer (:'#and my answer wasn't even one of the 4 multiple choices lmao#listen boy you live in the golden age of the internet where you can just google the solution okay i had WORK for it at your age so#stop asking me about the angle of a cylinder or whatever
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remembering that my old art teacher just has a serennedy painting in her classroom somewhere
#such an excellent show of how rad she was to have as a teacher lmao#she kept one of my most horrific body horror pieces and my painting of gay men#also first adult to support my transness in full entirety :))#i think i got photos of the painting i might post at some point but no guarantees djdjdj#i miss that class so much it was such a great environment#my AP art portfolios are apparently being used in lessons for current classes and bro theres so many Luis studies and SO MUCH SERENNEDY LMAO#i got this info from my younger brother who's taking art classes and like yeah i approved for them to do that BUT I STILL AM LIKE AAAA#honestly just surprised theyre so lenient abt fanart like that lmao#love rambling in my tags cnfnck
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me at 3am: what if i learned to play the zither 🤔
#not like the list of instruments i wanna learn/have ever wanted to learn how to play isn't already long enough#currently taking only violin lessons but i also used to play the piano and the recorder#(like. SERIOUSLY played the recorder. for 9 years. i got all the way to the bass recorder)#in elementary school i also really wanted to learn the accordion and the hammered dulcimer#bc two classmates were learning those and i thought they sounded cool#(as if learning 3 instruments wasn't already enough for elementary school me!!!)#i would also love to learn how to play the harp#and i've considered the drums before#just stumbled across someone playing the zither on youtube and now i'm like.... what iF!!!!#anyway i really need to go to sleep lmao#airenyah plappert#no but seriously. what IF i learned how to play the zither
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I went to adoration last night for part of Holy Thursday and spent two hours praying conversing with God.
I originally was just going to stay an hour, but I really had a lot weighing on me.
I really desire marry my boyfriend but we're both in wacky places in our careers and it doesn't seem feasible to get married yet. I really yearn to be his wife and he my husband. We could have so much joy through that. I've literally dreamt of it and we're so perfect for each other. I cannot wait to support each other and welcome little ones. I want to nurture and provide for all of them and have a wonderful little family.
I am also leaving to study violin/viola performance at a university in another state 3 hours away. I really am not sure if I made the right decision but I'm committed now. It's something I very much want to do and to become better at my craft so I can teach better and get better gigs.
It weighs a lot on me because I'll be two extra hours away from my boyfriend and I really like my students at my current job. I spent a lot of time in prayer about them because some of them worry me. I also don't have all the moving details ironed out yet, which stresses me out.
Much of the conclusion I came to is the things I want will happen, just not yet. I just need to make it through these next two years and everything will be fine. It might not exactly look like what I envision, but there are lessons I need to learn at grad school beyond the coursework itself.
Grad school will be challenging. Being away will be challenging. Starting somewhere new will be challenging. Finances will be challenging.
But I'm not going into this alone, even if I'm the only one moving there.
I will need to trust that He will lead me, and I will follow.
For we walk by faith, not by sight. Yet we are courageous, and we would rather leave the body and go home to the Lord. Therefore, we aspire to please him, whether we are at home or away. - 2 Corinthians 5:7-9
Dare to declare who you are. It is not far from the shores of silence to the boundaries of speech. The path is not long, but the way is deep. You must not only walk there, you must be prepared to leap. -St. Hildegard of Bingen
#st Hildegard pray for us#st Hildegard is my patron saint#i am both a musician and a writer#and we are btoh very similar#i aspire to be like her#theres a newman center at the university I'm going to go to#i also hope to be a leader there in some way#i am part of the music ministry at my church#im going to miss my current parish#its a nice place#i just have so many fears and worries about this#just need to give it to god#personal#catholic#catholiscism#tradlife#tradwife#tradblr#traditional housewife#well get there#which i plan on being a sahm when we have littles#and subbing or giving lessons on the side#and still being active in my church#i also want to take piano lessons at my university so that i am less mediocre#im so incredibly mediocre at piano#im a fair violinist and violist#i want to be better though#even if i wasnt taking this opportunity for free grad school id have to stay put at my current job#alas alas#this will definitely be a challenge of trusting god and following his lead even if its scary
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grah my head feels like it might explode
#this essay prompt makes 0 fucking sense#love this teacher. fucking hate how she teaches tho#we're supposed to have a rough draft by the end of class tomorrow#okay not too horrible#IF MOT FOR THE FACT SHE KEEOS CHAINGING THE ALREADY FUCKIBG CONFUSING ASS PROMPT#i can write essays about whatever stupid fucking novel you need me to#but myself??#a significant memory i have??? that i learned a stupid fucking lesson from?????#i have like 0 significant memories from before the age of like. 10. and still not all that many after thay <3#should i talk ab how my dad fucking died? would you like that you asshole?????????#what fucking lesson would I have learned from that? dont become a fucjibg alvoholic?#shit i feel like im gonna fucking cry again i cant do this shit#i have the general vibe for each paragraph listed out ill work on it more in homeroom tomorrow#we wont even have the full fucking class for this tomorrow cuz she's a fucking asshole who gives us like five fucking seconds in class per#assignment#fucking hell dude#especially since half the class said they hadnt even started writing by like halfway through our (shortened!) class yesterday#im gonna fucking explode#my stuff#alex is not vibing.#also pjysicially too my dumbass forgot to eat dinner cuz hehe haha omg i can sing and suddenly uts 10 and i havent showered yet and my mom#will be getting home soon so i need to shower then rush my gay ass to bed#which i am in currently.#so im also feeling the forgor to eat feeling too <3
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i realize the student council probably doesn't have characters that arent first or fifth years because of cast size but i also like the implications that the sixth years dont have class presidents
#it would be interesting to see if the other lower classes had class presidents/student council. theres a pretty sizeable nintama oc fandom#but i also like how small the current sc is it makes them feel cool and mysterious to me#esp because they do the principal's secret work. which is probably stuff like#that episode where they have to disguise as him and hemuhemu bc he has an assassination attempt on his head#the sixth years do seem to have more specialized lessons/work and they do a lot of missions/independent study so it makes sense they#probably dont have as many classroom style lessons and more on field training#i think the first years being the only ones to have class presidents in the underclassmen makes sense#bc theyre still rookies so it helps to have a classmate to look up to or help manage things and leadership training or something#and the fifth years too maybe because i feel like transitioning into the more difficult work of the sixth years also necessitates something#like that maybe but this is just my mental gymnastics for something arbitrary#mine
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Last night my mom was like okay tomorrow let's spend the day looking into the state health insurance stuff together and I was like okay great! I'll enroll in the work one and we will see if the state options are any good. I Can dream about doing The Artist Thing and not just continue to try to do the Normal (aka Neurotypical) Thing of a normal Job when my brain isn't good at that and it leads to embarrassing meltdowns and lots of stress for me.
And today.... she apparently asked dad to start working on it with me but I didn't come down for breakfast till 11 at which pt he started working on the easel he's actually decided to Make me for my birthday gift (crazy man! Looks at the ones in stores and looks at plans and decides he can do better and just goes and starts!), and he didn't mention anything to me before that, and she was at services this morning and then got some groceries and got home at like almost 1, had a snack? Lunch? And was like I'm gonna just sit down for a bit and then we can do that, but I started reading and just realized it's almost 2 so went to talk to her and she's napping. So. Idefk. I'm disappointed.
#also trying to explain that like. i have been masking a lot since i was young. so i seem 'high functioning' or 'low support needs' but that#doesnt mean NO support needs and Also ive been struggling more and more the older i get with everything#I'm realizing i will continue to need more support than someone else might think i would and#people simultaneously insult and attempt to compliment me abt it#like steph telling me i should move out and be independent meanwhile i struggle with making phone calls. i paid for driving lessons 2 yrs#ago and still havent called them back to schedule the damn lessons!#bc the mix of adhd and tism means i Cant Do It#i can look up stuff abt the health insurance on my own but I'm likely to just get overwhelmed and minimize the page and do nothing with it#i have meltdowns at work due to a mix of rsd and stress and frustration.#I'm struggling and need help but its help an almost 30 yr old 'shouldnt' need help with. and my over-60 retired parents 'shouldnt' be th#the support system for an almost 30 yr old who is so 'functional' like. I'm a gremlin that can pretend to be a person a lot of the time#and if not them then who? if i moved out how would i manage? between anxiety and adhd and depression and autism.#i already forgot to order my meds in time once! i forgot to delay an autoship and ended up with too many boxes of cat litter! i havent been#able to call the driving school back abt scheduling lessons after 2 yrs! i cant get myself to enroll in the health insurance!#i cant BE independent and i dont necessarily want to be about half the time but then i feel self conscious and ashamed and uncomfortable bc#I'm 30 and i dont ACT like it#and 'well youre not as bad as so in sos son who Cant hold a job' like. ma. I only got my job bc i was lucky.#bc i responded to tbe survey when i failed the little test in the application and someone read my response and decided to give me a call#bc nino was a good dude and the corporate bs hadnt gotten so bad at wfm.#and then my current position was also luck (or unlucky) bc diana left and they had no one else for the role and i was into the flowers and#helped out big time on making a display and on supporting floral etc before she left after a big holiday#and they were like so imran said u did a good job w that so would u be interested in the job?#i wish id said no but then i wouldve gone for supervisor which i also wouldnt have had fun with#like are there good things i got out of my job? if course. i did grow! i did learn a lot! but I'm not Good At It. is really hard on my rsd#to fail or feel like i fail repeatedly. and the stress is bad for me and I dont wsnt them to fire me over something stupid#and j hate the corporatism and the leadership#bc this type of job COULD bc good. i could do it. with a lot more support and a bigger team than they think i need#anyway.#i just... want something different.#i cant think of any traditional job where it wouldnt be the same shit
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📣 four more shifts until my accreditation exams 📣
#personal#asha chats#AHHHHHHHHH#god I hate being examined#I’m still traumatised by the last time I failed a work prac exam#with this one examiner who just like#hates passing people#and he got into my head and failed me on a technicality#and was super nice to me AFTER I cried??#literally took me for a walk and was like ‘we need more signallers like you we need more people who CARE in this job’#but dude did you have to teach me the lesson like that#as if I wasn’t high strung enough already#also the examiners in my current department are much chiller#and are basically talking about my impending qualification as if it’s a certainty#and my colleagues are circling waiting to offload all their overnights to me the moment I qualify so like#just gotta believe in myself as much as others believe in me!!!!#screams into hands#I STILL can’t believe I’m here#I still remember the first time I visited the operations control centre eight years ago and was just like#what the FUCK what the FUCK#it’s all just lines and phones ringing and people yelling but I love it 💞💞💞
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i don’t know what to do!! i have a group presentation due at 9 tonight but i also have extra course from 7-8:30 and it’s now almost 5 pm and i’m actually thinking of skipping that course but, i already did that last week because of some bio assignment, but also. i just came home from school and i do not have the fucking energy to do both okay moving on
#this is what i mean when i say that i really do need to quit this class already#it was helpful but now that i no longer have japanese at school and currently have no actual plan of going uni there i really don’t have an#y use for this#i mean it would’ve been a great side lesson had school not been beating the hell out of me 24/7 but#with it doing that i don’t even know what we’re actually studying about please#once the month is over i’m out#also i think i’m very weak now i don’t know like i’m so TIRED all the time#i’ve turned out for the worse since hs started and it’s not fun#yeah anyways needed my vent sorry<:#going to continue the slifdes now#nadirants
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#hey guys I’m about to go to work but I’ve seen so many lovely tag comments on my harp covers#I saw one saying ‘how do you even end up in a position to be able to learn a harp!’#and I wanted to reiterate. the classical music world is incredibly steeped in classism and racism. it’s inherent#because most music is written by ethnic Europeans and stems from the origins of western music which is the Catholic Church#it was a major tool in colonialism and it’s adoption as a means to validity in a white supremecist system can be seen echoing in China’s#current fascination with western orchestral music. but they’re also subverting it by reimagining their own instruments in the orchestra#anyways that’s a rabbit trail but what I’m saying is#for some reason I asked to play the harp when I was three. my parents were working class and non musicians. my dad is Mexican. we used to#barter lessons for yard work and painting (thankfully my harp teacher was a wonderful woman who allowed that)#my dad took out a home equity loan to afford my first large harp#I got the one you see in the vids because a close friend of my teacher was dying of cancer and sold it at a loss to me#this is a field with SO many barriers#every single person I went to grad school with had money out their ears#I have a heap of student loans and currently no permanent harp job#I guess I’m saying. I wish access to instruments like mine was easier for everyone but it’s rare because it’s gatekept#so just keep that in mind. you could just have easily have been a harpist if the world were more equitable and fair#I’m always open to people reaching out and asking questions about the instrument and music in general#love u guys
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The logical part of my brain: you have some kind of respiratory disease; even though it’s not covid it’s still dangerous to the toddlers and infants you work with, so the ethical thing to do is tell your boss you can’t come into work tomorrow! Plus you feel bad anyway, your chest and throat hurt and you keep coughing! It’s okay to take off work when you feel bad; in fact, it’s an important part of self-care. And it’s not like you can’t afford to miss work. You have a safety net, it’ll be okay.
The anxiety part of my brain: But they need me, I could just wear my mask and that would keep the kids safe, right? I don’t feel that bad, anyway, I don’t even have a fever, I can just take tylenol for the pain and I can handle it. And how would I tell my boss I can’t come in anyway? I’ve never had to call off sick before. What do I say? Everything I come up with sounds wrong! And I’m not even supposed to tell my BOSS-boss, I need to tell the assistant who keeps track of scheduling but I never put her number into my phone so I can’t do that!
#i KNOW the correct answer but anxiety brain won’t leave me the fuck alone and my coping mechanism is avoidance#so im just sitting here stewing in anxiety bc i need to tell my boss i can’t come in tomorrow but i also cant bring myself to actually do it#plus i talked to my mom about it bc sometimes having an Authority Figure say ‘yes it’s okay’ helps but it DIDNT this time bc my mom was just#like check with your boss but my brain is insisting i should know the correct answer to this problem and i shouldnt have to ask my boss to#make the decision for me#not helping matters is that i really needed to ask my boss to teach me how to use a new app we’re going to start using on wednesday bc the#lesson on it for my center was on a day i was off#and i was really hoping to learn how to use it BEFORE i needed to use it#not to mention my account currently has my dead name that none of the staff or parents know and i really really need it changed before i#have to use this app#marijn talks#vent
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