#also i have a job interview in an hour and i can't even bring myself to prepare for it cos of the aforementioned lack of medication thing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

annieqattheperipheral · 1 year ago

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Long post. It's a heartbreaking read from Rodion's father's pov about his son's life. Truly worth the time if you have the emotional space and energy. I've posted a few links as you may want to share in others' thoughts and feelings after reading.

Original interview (Russian site Google translated to English)

Reposted by a reddit user (excerpts + Leafs mentions)

Linked to on Twitter

Interview excerpts transcript (I've edited for clarity) and a few of the photos:

My main motivation for giving an interview, as a father and a witness to everything that happened to my son, is to thank people from the bottom of my heart. Thank you from our family and from Rodion, although he himself can no longer express it in words.

We thank you for the attention and participation that the hockey community, clubs and organizations, and fans have given us. Thanks to the Toronto Maple Leafs, personally to Brendan Shanahan and Kyle Dubas. For the way they accepted Rodion, empathized and participated in his fate.

I was generally removed from financial and organizational issues: “Ruslan, take care of your son, don't even think about it. We will solve everything." The club was always in touch 24/7. Both the doctors and the team management. Dubas, who made the draft choice, was very fond of Rodion. They corresponded a lot, supported each other both before and during the illness. In recent days, Kyle even wanted to fly to Munich - Rodion left on August 14, and Dubas already had a ticket for the 11th.

I told agent Dan Milstein: “Rodion is in such a state, he can't see anymore, he's heavy. Well, is Kyle coming just to raise his weak hand and shake it? They won't even communicate.”

- “Ruslan, he wants to do it. This is his personal desire."

Dubas wrote and called, but my son could no longer see his messages. I was worried and was eager to go to the airport. The doctors stopped him: “There's no need to fly anywhere anymore...”

Toronto has released 100 medals that will be awarded to the most respected people who have made significant contributions to the history of the club and the NHL. So, Shanahan himself came to Rodion at six in the morning, when it became known that the disease had worsened and he needed to fly home from Toronto, and presented him with this medal - the very first of a hundred. Rodion brought this award to Ufa and was very proud of it.

The agent in Russia, Stanislav Romanov, provided great assistance, solving many everyday issues and refusing to take a commission for the contract when he learned about my son's illness. From business people, he and Dan Milstein transformed into caring and loving fathers.

Separately, about Dan Milstein. I said at the funeral when I gave the speech that Dan is with my family for a reason. For everyone, he is a great agent, a professional. His actions speak louder than words. But he is also a man with a huge heart. When Rodion was fine, Dan did a tremendous job. The draft, the agreement with Toronto, advertising contracts with CSM and Bauer - all these pleasant and useful things, uniforms, budgets...

And when Rodion Amirov ended as a hockey player, we came to know Dan Milstein as a father and friend. I told everyone: “For us, this is not an agent, but a member of our family, a close relative.” He flew to Russia two or three times a month just to visit and support our son and bring some things. All everyday issues and treatment were resolved immediately. No questions like: “Why? For what? How much?”

- What do you need? Please.

All accounts were closed. When Rodion's body left from Germany, and a bunch of organizational matters piled up - how to negotiate with the embassy, how to deliver the body, what to do with hanging documents - Dan said: “Ruslan, you are not touching on this topic . I take everything upon myself."

I can't imagine how long he slept. No matter how you call, he is always in touch. After all, my son was brought from Germany at night, three hours before the funeral. The flight was through Turkey, the plane cost a lot of money. But Dan solved a million questions.

* * *

Moscow clinic in Skolkovo - doctors and all the people who took part in Rodion's treatment. We were there from November to July. I would like to thank all the medical staff - who cared, treated, tried to save the child and did everything in their power. The bills were paid alternately by Salavat Yulaev and Toronto.

People in Ufa helped with warmth no less than the Maple Leafs. It touched the soul when the leadership staff of “Salavat Yulaev” visited their son in full force - it was very important and valuable for us.

General Director of Salavat Yulaev Rinat Bashirov was available day and night - at any time when you needed help. Without their help, it would have been very difficult for us to live these two years.

People on both sides of the ocean took a huge part in the fate of our boy. In such a difficult time there were no borders, no politics. There is just a person. And many good people who united around him, supported him, and showed attention. Humanity, help, mutual assistance and unconditional love for a young boy from Ufa who was in trouble. It's so touching when all the contradictions fade into the background. All that remains is the fate of man.

Ordinary fans sent pies, wrote letters, sent pictures, gifts, met him on the street and said kind words. And in Russia, and in North America, and in Europe, when we were treated in Germany. Children and adults wrote how they prayed for Rodion. Humanity, kindness, love, relationships between people - and no disagreements between countries.

I remember how many guys came to our Moscow clinic with whom my son played in the national team, in the club and in the youth team. I didn't even know many of them. Physical training coach Pavel Markidan was a constant participant in these trips. Rodion was either taken to a restaurant or taken to the river bank. “My brothers,” as my son called his friends.

At such moments, it is important to show concern, care, and unconditional love. It is very valuable when you donate a piece of your time and yourself towards a person who is going through this valley of the shadow of death.

And all the brothers who took Rodion and communicated with him gave him a breath of fresh air. And for a few hours my son became just like everyone else. Healthy, beautiful, strong, joyful. Forgetting about the terrible days he spent in the dark.

* * *

Until the last day I talked with Rodion. We were sitting at the dining table in a Munich hospital.

- Son, I'm wondering... Do the blind dream? You've been blind for eight months now. What do you see?

- Dad, I dream.

- What are they like? Who's there? Me and mom? You've probably already forgotten what we look like.

- Dad, I constantly see ice. And there's a match. I play hockey.

- Listen, Rodion, you had another life besides hockey. Nature, sun, forest, friends. You can and should see something different, right?

- I'm always in the game. I see ice. You know, dad, it's probably because I've been playing hockey since childhood and love it very much. When you have love for something in your heart and you really want it, you see it in your dreams.

I am a grown man, I have seen a lot of things in my life. But I learned many things from my son during these two years. Rodion matured a lot during his illness.

Courage, willpower, patience, perseverance. I don't understand where this came from! I always saw him as a teenager - young, immature, not knowing everything in life.

But I'm a father, I have to put my son on his feet and inspire him by personal example. Our family is a believer, and I must teach my son strong faith, which helps in the most difficult situations.

You know, at the age of 10, Rodion wrote on paper in uneven handwriting what he dreamed of.

“To become the best hockey player in the world and glorify God. Win the Olympic Games, Gagarin Cup, Stanley Cup. Glorify God. Become a good person."

Twice - “glorify God.” And in the end, the most important, most important, valuable thing is “to become a good person.”

How deep... My taught son me simple and important things.

And I think: Lord, my God, what would I do in such a situation?

I probably wouldn't have been able to stand it.

The Bible says that God does not give a person more trials than he can withstand. I don't know how embittered I would be, who I would reproach—the doctors, fate, the Almighty, I would throw stones at the sky, cursing everyone...

But this boy showed an example of perseverance. And he taught me to live.

* * *

In general, I was tough on raising my son. I was principled and did not allow praise, avoiding pompous words. In our family, we believed more in principles such as modesty and hard work.

“Dream. Pray. Work hard” is a motto that Rodion knew from childhood.

I asked him: “Son, what are we doing? How are we living?

- Dream. Pray. Work hard.

When our son was six years old, we sent him to hockey. Somewhere 15 km from Ishimbay there is the city of Salavat. An ice arena was built there, and we came to see it.

The first group of hockey players was just being recruited there, and I asked: “Are you going to train?”

I used to go in for sports myself. And all men want their sons to be strong and strong. Rodion watched hockey and liked it. We agreed with the coach and brought the child straight from kindergarten. And they started studying.

In spirit, his son is a gamer. He didn't like to fight or grapple. I wanted to run with the ball and the stick. He was very interested in hockey.

At first everything was difficult. Another city, we traveled constantly by car, life was on schedule. When we started school, the loads became heavier. Not only hockey appeared, but also chess and checkers, volleyball, basketball, and football. Of course, a couple of times a week. But this is how we worked on game thinking.

He also played tennis and practiced swimming with coaches. Acrobatics, gymnastics, figure skating, trampolines, stretching, work on the musculoskeletal system. The preparation was very powerful; we laid a very good functional foundation for Rodion. This helped a lot when we moved to Ufa at the age of 10, and later, when my son started playing for Salavat Yulaev.

By the time he was 17-18 years old, we continued to work on the base, and it gave results. His hockey career developed rapidly. But in our family one postulate remained unshakable - modesty. I said: “No matter what happens in life, son - and you will definitely succeed, I'm sure of it - you must always remain a worthy person with a big, honest and sincere heart.”

My son's favorite toy was a stuffed albatross that his younger sister gave him. An albatross is a bird flying against the wind.

So his sister said: “Rodion, I wish you to always go against difficulties and be a winner, without giving up.”

Difficulties arose, like all young hockey players. But Rodion always followed our motto.

Dream. Pray. Work hard.

Our family had evening prayer hours. My wife and I opened the Bible, I chose one of the chapters, and read it to the children. We analyzed it, I explained the meaning of the phrases. And then we all prayed, thanking the Lord for the past and tomorrow.

I said: “Son, in order to achieve something, you need to dream about it. You need to visualize your desire. Let this be born in your heart. You must want it and be absolutely sure that it will happen in your life. To do this you need to pray. Everything we have - life itself, breath, our talents and abilities, gifts from birth - is a blessing from God.

Pray about what you want in life. And you definitely need to work.”

We talked a lot about this since childhood. Rodion knew this, and it was always in his heart.

* * *

Everyone understands perfectly well what a brain tumor is. To date, there is not a single case in which a person has been cured of this form of cancer. At least I don't know about it.

But Rodion told me: “Dad, we will still defeat the disease. With God's help, we will do what no one has done before.”

And this faith held him until the last day. Not a word of self-pity. There is no question of what will happen next or how everything will turn out.

There is only one absolute and clear confidence that all this can be overcome, and the disease will end.

...As doctors in Canada and Germany told us, Rodion played with the tumor for six months.

Somewhere closer to the New Year, my son went to a training camp in Novogorsk - preparations were underway for the 2021 World Youth Championships in Edmonton. We talked, and Rodion told me:

- Dad, I can't understand. Something happens to me on the ice.

- What's happened?

- I can't catch myself on the ice. I'm shaking. It happens that I lose the puck out of the blue.

He started having problems with coordination. And I attributed this to the fact that my son began to actively grow. He was of late development, he didn't even have stubble. And I said that this is normal, it happens.

But other symptoms also arose. At the World Championships it was enough for three matches. He pulled out the last game of the group stage against the Swedes with all his strength.

And then... “Dad, no matter what shift I have, I'm very tired.”

Rodion ended the season in this state. And you remember those moments. Either he makes an incomprehensible loss, then he goes to take a penalty, and the puck comes off the hook, or crashes into the goal from scratch. Rodion flies into the frame and sits, not understanding what happened to him.

I didn't recognize my son on the ice. He was always composed, with good coordination and a clear sense of the puck, movement and skating. Everything we've been working on since we were six years old. And suddenly it was gone.

Already before the next season, in one of the test matches, the son was hurt on the side. He just crashed when no one was stopping him, hitting his shoulder and head. Couldn't even dodge the heavy collision.

“Rodion, what's the matter?”

- “Dad, I couldn't pull myself together.”

* * *

The pressure jumped periodically. We did an MRI. But if there is a suspicion of a tumor, a tomography with contrast liquid is needed.

A month after the injury, we had an MRI in Ufa. Some doubts were attributed to the consequences of a concussion. Then my son recovered, played, traveled with the team. But after each shift he said: “I can't, I don't have the strength.”

Closer to November 2021, we flew to Germany. We went to a good professor and did an MRI with contrast. And then he told us for the first time: “Guys, you have a tumor. Moreover, I think you've had it for a long time. Do you agree to a biopsy?"

Rodion did not agree, and I was afraid. Because there were risks. When a robot gets into your head and takes a piece of tissue right from the center of your brain, then anything is possible - a blood vessel bursts, a stroke, and you die on the table. You can make a person deaf, blind, paralyzed. No one gives guarantees, and you need to write papers that you agree to such responsibility.

And the doctor was amazed that in the picture he saw a suspicion of cancer, but did not see a sick person in front of him. After all, Rodion played hockey, his legs and arms worked, and everything was fine with the tests, except for the MRI.

Therefore, the professor did not insist on a biopsy. We decided to take a break for a month and take a look. The doctor said that if it is malignant oncology, then it will definitely give symptoms.

We flew home, the New Year was approaching. And in the last matches Rodion already began to have problems with his vision. He lost the puck and couldn't find his way on the ice. Such moments could no longer be ignored.

We called Germany and arrived in January. We went for a biopsy, and we were diagnosed with a malignant tumor in the fourth stage.

Foreign doctors are simple, they don't hide anything. They sit a person, their parents, in front of them and tell them about their fatal diagnosis.

All this was said in front of my son. And I was amazed: he was absolutely calm.

Rodion, do you understand what the point is?

- Yes, dad, I understand. Don't worry, everything will pass.

Can you imagine?! A person is diagnosed with brain cancer. A diffuse tumor, that is, without borders, is inoperable. That's it, the verdict.

But this guy is sitting in front of me: “Listen, dad, let's go. I need to train."

I couldn't understand - either all hockey players are such ignorant, or this is incredible self-control.

I was shocked. I cried. I cried and cried out to the Lord: “My God, why? What have I done wrong in my life?

I didn't show such emotions in front of Rodion. With his family he was confident and calm. But this guy amazed me from the very days when he learned about the diagnosis.

“Dad, let's quickly do a biopsy,”

“let's quickly finish this topic,”

“let them prescribe treatment, but we have a season and the playoffs are coming soon.”

* * *

When he was undergoing radiation and chemotherapy in Germany, my son persuaded me to talk to Dan. He reached an agreement with Toronto, they immediately paid for the ice arena and gym. Rodion skated three times a week, ran small cross-country races, and worked out in the gym.

At the same time, he received radiation therapy. If anyone knows what it is - when they burn out your brains, and everything melts there, your hair falls out.

But after the most difficult chemotherapy, he took two or three days to recover and began training again. “I have to get ready, get into gear, we have playoffs.”

This was the potential of the body! I was very worried about the treatment. But at the same time he spoke with the professor who was guiding him. He said: “If he has such a desire and thirst for life, and the functionality allows him to do this, then let him study. It is clear that without fanaticism. But there's no need to stop him.”

Well, Rodion had already found an amateur team in Germany and wanted to play in it. I couldn't believe my eyes.

He began to train more actively, even gaining weight. It seemed that he was feeling better. His condition looked good. We have already been treated in Moscow and even held a consultation via video link, where there were German and Canadian doctors. After the meeting, they approved the flight overseas.

We talked a lot about this at the family council: is it worth going to Canada? After all, it's a flight, a foreign country... But in Russia everything is nearby, and you can quickly resolve any issue.

But Rodion lived a dream. He comes up to me: “Dad, I had a dream.”

He is generally so interesting, he constantly had dreams.

“And I dreamed that I was in Toronto.”

- Son, you will be there one day, for sure. Now we'll finish chemo, you'll skate for a season, and then you'll go to the NHL under your contract...

- No, listen. In this dream, I am already sitting in the locker room with Matthews, Tavares, Samsonov... All the guys from the Maple Leafs. I'm wearing a light Russian national team jacket. We just practiced. Now we sit together and talk.

Forgot this topic. A medical consultation was held. And my son makes the decision: “I will fly. I want it, dad. I should be there."

We talked with Dan and the Toronto doctors. During the preseason, the Maple Leafs had the time and opportunity to work with Rodion individually.

In the end, we decided to combine good with good. And so that he could take his mind off things by going to Canada to pursue his dream and work on the ice.

The plan was that Rodion would stay there for two or three months, and fly back closer to the New Year in good physical condition. And if he is allowed, he will play on the team.

* * *

But on the third week of training, after one of the exercises, Rodion says: “Dad, I sprained my leg.”

I encouraged him. Massage therapists started working with my son, but his leg got worse and worse. He couldn't do anything during training; he was terribly tired.

I asked questions over the phone, but Rodion never complained. This was my big mistake as a father. But how do you know that your son is really unwell? Only when he collapses on the ice? After all, he was eager to train all the time! And he hushed up the problems, making them a secret. He worked and was silent, clinging to his dream.

In those days, Toronto decided to watch Rodion on the ice. There was even a thought that he could play in the preseason game versus Ottawa. They wanted to give him this opportunity. At least one or two shifts, as long as he can handle it.

Kyle Dubas and the entire club management arrived. We looked at our son... But I don't see what's there in Canada, I don't know. Well, my leg hurts, I pulled it. But he did not talk about his general condition. And it's not clear what's going on in his head until you do the examination again.

And they did it, they hired the best oncologist professor. There was a huge queue to see this neurosurgeon, but the Maple Leafs management took everything upon themselves. An MRI was performed, and Dan called me via video call the same day. Rodion is sitting, Canadian professors. And they translate to me what the doctors are telling me.

“This is the situation,” they say. - Take your son. There's no way to even treat it anymore. We won't keep him. At such a moment he should be with his family. He has three, maximum six months left. And even if it's six, it will be a miracle. We don't give that much.

...I remember that after those words I just fell. Just yesterday the guy showed hope and was training. He had some pain, but they thought about letting him out for the NHL game. And here it is. I was cut...

Then my son takes the phone: “Dad, don't worry. Don't tell mom yet. Everything will be fine."

And he began to calm me down! His voice didn't even waver from the doctors' words.

“Rodion, how interesting you are. Do you have no fear at all?”

“I just believe that everything will be fine. And I don’t even allow the thought of something tragic and terrible.”

Dan picks him up and brings him to Moscow. He should have received radiation treatment immediately a second time. All the equipment is in Skolkovo, and the staff is great.

When Rodion arrived, he could no longer see well. Cancer cells have gotten very close to the eye center. The optic nerves were affected, and the tumor reached there too. Metastases have descended to the spine. That's why my son's leg almost gave out in Toronto. And when they started doing radiation therapy, after a week his vision completely disappeared. And since the end of November he no longer saw anything - neither day nor night.

At the same time, Rodion, when he more or less came to his feelings, began going to the cinema a couple of times a week. His little sister or boys went to see with him.

- Son, are you going to the cinema again? For what?

- I'll sit and watch. I want to live like a healthy person. And this will definitely happen. Today I go to the cinema and I don't see. But tomorrow I'll go to the cinema and I'll see.

...He lived the dream, as we agreed with him, visualizing reality. He lived like a normal person who wants to be healthy. As long as there is at least the slightest hope.

What is faith? It is the expectation of what is promised and the confidence of the unseen. My son taught me hope, patience and faith with all his life and actions.

Between chemistry courses, Rodion, in a rented Moscow apartment, when he came from the hospital, did certain exercises, did push-ups, squats, pumped up.

He tried to live.

But it was extremely difficult. Every month he got worse. Not only did the man not see at all, his legs and arms began to weaken. But the goodness of God is that with a tumor, when many functions of the body are knocked out, this began to happen to my son only in the last days - before going to the hospital in Munich.

He walked himself, retained absolute diction, clear speech, clarity of thinking. The Lord preserved the ability for him to think, make decisions, realize what is happening, be in touch with us - and not turn into a vegetable.

Yes, the body was weakening, we were already lifting it up and down, rolling it around in a wheelchair. There in Germany it became very bad, and he could no longer turn over in bed, his legs and arms gave out, his condition was extremely serious.

But at the same time, always: “Son, how are you?”

- “Dad, everything is fine.”

We haven't been apart in recent days. Rodion ended up in intensive care. The clinic made an exception, and the doctors allowed my wife and I to stay in the room.

We sat next to each other and didn't leave. We talked with him, although my son could no longer speak and was breathing through an oxygen mask...

* * *

On September 11 in Ufa, before the match with Metallurg, Rodion's jersey with number 27 will be raised.

We were still in Germany when Rinat Bashirov called. He said that “Salavat Yulaev” was establishing a youth pre-season tournament in memory of Amirov, and the sweater would be raised under the arches of the arena.

I have always taught my son modesty. But when I heard it, it alarmed me: “Rinat Rashitovich, maybe these are emotions? We are all united around this grief, and everyone wants to do something. But maybe it's not worth it?"

I was against it. Just imagine - a young guy. Yes, he achieved something for a young person. He was talented and showed promise. And I told him then: “Rodion, your journey is just beginning.” We haven’t even jumped to a cloud yet, let alone a star.”

And now his number will hang among the legends who devoted decades to the Ufa club, went to the World Championships and Olympics, won gold and cups.

Not a single name raises any questions. And then suddenly among them was a young boy. Years will pass, tears will dry, emotions will subside. And someone will say: “Listen, who is Amirov? What did he do for Russian and Bashkir hockey? What is his merit?"

I really didn't want my son to be associated with such a question. Let the good name remain, everything will be on the sly.

But I was told that the captain of Salavat Yulaev, Grigory Panin, came to the club's management and, on behalf of the team, asked that Rodion's number be raised. And the management itself wants this. And this is what ordinary fans want. And for them, my son is not just a young hockey player, but a symbol of people's struggle against a terrible disease, for which no cure has been found.

A lot of people want this. And how can we be against it? We are grateful to everyone. To everyone who wrote letters, worried in their souls and helped our boy.

A very important point that we told the management of Salavat Yulaev: we gave permission to use number 27 if someone on the team wants to play under it. Even if the sweater is raised under the arches of the palace. But we do not call for the number to be taken out of circulation.

...Rodion often said: “By my example, fight for life and confidence, I want to give hope to everyone who is fighting against cancer.”

You can't give up. We must move on with our lives. And be grateful for every day.

The parables say that children are a gift from God. We are grateful to the Lord for these 21 years and for every moment that we lived with our son.

And when Rodion, at the age of 10, wrote on a piece of paper that he wanted to become a good person...

He must have accomplished something if so many people remember him now in their hearts, sharing our pain.

#rodion amirov #toronto maple leafs #kyle dubas #brendan shanahan #tw cancer #cancer #tw death #dan milstein #salavat yulaev #hayley wickenheiser

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teddybeartoji · 7 months ago

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Congrats on the job!! 💞 I’m trying to get one too please wish me luck 😭 if you don’t mind me asking, what does your job entail? I hope it’s something you enjoy doing 💞 also do you have any interview tips.:. I always get so nervous in interviews 😭

THANK YOU BABYYY💓💓💓💓I AM CROSSING ALL OF MY FINGERS FOR YOUU!!! as for tips... this is gonna sound ridiculous because well... it is ridiculous. i always think about george clooney. especially him in ocean's 11 bc he's just thee most charismatic guy in the world??? he looks like he can do anything, he looks like he can talk his way out of everything and so i just try to channel his energy. and it works btw. literally just watch the movie, he's so good.

but as for more practical tips mmmmm i always like to write down some things beforehand. i'm not gonna actually bring the paper with me but it just helps me stay more on track if i've already answered the questions at home by myself. i know about the interviews bc i was very close with my last manager and she always told me everything about the interviews lmao. and ok it seems like i'm gonna ramble so....

the most important thing is to be prepared. and it's actually very important to think of questions for the employer!!!!!!!!! seems silly but it is. it shows that you have, in fact, prepared for this and that you do want the job. and that you are ready to "work for it". please also think about what you want from the job overall – the pay and the hours. if they don't bring them up 1. this is a red flag 2. you need to do it yourself. even if it's scary, you have to, otherwise they just might stomp on you.

never complain about your last employee or the workplace in general. makes you look really bad. even if you absolutely fucking hated the last place, please just say smth else lmao. you don't have to suck up in any way, just refrain from shitting on others. maybe it seems logical but uhh a lot of people do that and yeah. never goes well.

mmmm also keep an eye out for manager red flags too! if they shit on their own company or workers💀💀💀 or when they keep repeating that the Job Is Very Hard. that most likely just means that the management is garbage. i also hate when the interview is half-assed – they want YOU to come and work for them, so they should act like it lmao.i can't stand managers and ceo's who are just way too full of themselves. they have to have the paperwork ready, they have to introduce everything to you, they have to ask about the hours and the pay before going any further.

anywayyy i think that's all for the tips lmao i have big authority issues💀💀💀 so i don't really get nervous. well actually i do bc i do have social anxiety but i'm just so spiteful and i hate obnoxious bosses, so that helps me get over it a little.

the test day is gonna be for a store room job!!! it's nothing special but i do like the work, i used to work at a retail store so i'm very familiar with it. i like work where it's very... repetitive? i like the things a lot of ppl call boring lmao. so i do have high hopes!!!

#nonnie i really am keeping u in my mind!!!!!#hoping you'll find something good #i know you'll ace the interviews!!!!!#also stay true to yourself!!!#i know it's hard sometimes but do think about the fact that they very likely just want MONEY #they just need people so that they can get paid #you need to tske care of yourself nonnie!!!!!!!!!!!#bosses sadly rarely give a fuck #but yeah!!!#and honesty!!!!!!!#be honest!!!!!#YOLO BABYYYYY #friends!!

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aticklishpercivalwriter · 8 months ago

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Update from Perz!

The quick version: This boy is tired and needs time to recover. Midterms were awful, but the worst of them are done.

Full version: Sorry for no updates. I'm just so drained this week. Statics mentally drained me. I had to end 5 minutes early because I "cheated" since my calculator has the capability to connect to the Internet. I would've gotten an F for the exam, but she's letting it slide as a warning. But my credibility with my prof is shot and any leniency is probably going to be pretty hard to get back. Ugh.

Also, my productivity seems to go down the drain if stuff like midterms come up. I procrastinate which I know is bad, but idk how to get out of it. Any tips you people have?

Last thing, I'm loosing an hour of sleep once the clock strikes 12am. Officially happened 😭. Daylight savings time in the States 😓.

About writing, I'm currently working on a fic. Pairing are lers Hei and Kazu and lees Ae and GamGam. Nicknames for Heizou, Kazuha, Aether, and Gaming respectively. A tickle chase!*

I'll get back to messages and any requests when I feel more in the mood. It's just a lot of priorities. My job interview is coming up this Friday too. Hopefully I can get the summer job 🤞

I hope you all are doing great wherever you are! Happy tickling :)

*More serious things about me below. No need to read if you don't wanna.

*Idk if I should say this. I decided to post it. This was written when I was very sleepy so just know that. Seems like my emotions come out during that time:

I hope you all like the tickling parts in my fics. Ngl, when I read other fics, I feel a bit inferior since a lot of you are very talented in describing scenarios, how the ler tickles the lee, a lee's reactions, and it doesn't feel repetitive and is unique. I tend to overthink and believe that my work isn't that good and I kind of can't bear to work because my brain is mean and tells me that my work isn't going to satisfy you, the readers, even though I get likes, reblogs and nice, encouraging comments, thank you btw ♥️. I usually fall short compared to other people no matter how hard I try. Though, your comments, likes, and reblogs ease my thoughts and bring me more confidence in my work. I just put high expectations on myself, so that's why I spend so long on things to try and make it perfect whether in school or my writing or just anything personal really. Maybe I should cut myself some slack since I'm brand new to the scene? I will not stop writing though because it's a chance for me to express myself and something to indulge in. But yeah, a little something to know about me.

#percival stuff #non tk #update

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nancypullen · 1 year ago

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Halloween Eve

I haven't posted much about my excitement over Halloween. I figured everyone is sick of hearing me talk about it. But never, ever doubt that I'm counting the hours until the streets are filled with happy children, generous adults, and the pure magic that is All Hallow's Eve.

Our holiday here in Maryland looks different than it did in Tennessee. There, I'd decorate the yard and porch and my sweet friend Vicky would come over. We'd spend the evening laughing and handing out candy to kids. We did that together for twenty years. Here in Maryland the mister and I get to walk around the grandgirl's neighborhood with her, and let me tell you, it is fun. Her neighborhood does Halloween right, it reminds me of the Halloweens of my childhood. Hordes of children running house to house in costume, laughing, screaming from minor scares, and having the best time. Adults walk along behind, talking, laughing, and enjoying the fun. It's safe, it's wholesome, and it's absolutely delightful. I'm really excited about our Halloween! We've been watching Halloween shows together, so sharing the big night together is only right. She really enjoyed the dipped strawberry ghosties I made the last weekend.

Two things will make this Halloween fabulous - it's supposed to be chilly and we get to bring the grandgirl home with us. She's got no school on November 1st (smart school) and what better place to spend a free day than at Grancy's house? Autumn is really showing off around here and I couldn't love it more. No matter which window I pass in this house, I get a beautiful view of jewel tones.

Our bedroom...

the kitchen...

the grandgirl's room...

my craft room...

isn't it wonderful?

Of course, I brought in plenty of pumpkins and mums. They are CHEAP up here!

Geez, of course I left a milk jug on the porch when I snapped that photo. I'd just watered the mums, got distracted, and now it's part of history. This one is messy too - the shadow of my big head, leaves everywhere before they were raked up. I don't care, it just screams FALL!

Those big pots of mums? Most of them were four dollars. Some of them were just two dollars! There's a guy just down the road who grows them for commercial sales but he also lets locals purchase from him. Last Saturday he marked all of the four dollar mums down to two dollars so I went back for more!

These six pots were just $12 total! Those pink Sheffield mums will be planted in the front garden. They're gorgeous.

I replaced the summer impatiens with mums and now Sassafras Woods is dressed for the season.

Everywhere I go around town is a feast for the eyes.

Turning onto our little street is a treat, too.

And when I pull into our driveway, get out of the car, and look up...it's dazzling!

I just can't get enough. I believe Lucy Maud Montgomery gave Anne of Green Gables the best words for it.

The only thought that makes it possible to loosen my grip on October and autumn is the promise of a cold, snowy winter. Maryland doesn't necessarily promise that, but the Farmers' Almanac is giving me hope. Autumn is still my first love, but a frosty winter is some comfort while I mourn the end of all of this glorious color. Come on, Jack Frost, glitter my world!

But I'm getting ahead of myself, I can't worry about the winter forecast when my high holiday is just hours away. I can't wait to frolic with the kids and listen to their shouts of glee while they enjoy their big night. I'll wear my witch hat, a big fake witchy nose, and this sweatshirt.

Would you believe that I have a job interview in the morning? Yep, when I received the email inviting me for an in-person interview I was given a choice of two days and Halloween felt lucky. It may be hard for me to contain my excitement

Again, they should probably know who they're dealing with up front. I mean, I won't wear my witch hat or anything...yet. That's what's happening around the Pullen Patch right now. I'm trying to act normal while Halloween is just hours away, I get to spend it with my favorite little witch, and I'm trying to hold on to every last bit of the gorgeous color and fluttering leaves. I have nothing against November, but let's all admit that it represents the end of autumn and the start of a lot of work for women. I'm already tired from cooking Thanksgiving dinner and decorating the Christmas tree and I haven't started yet. The scariest thing you'll hear on Halloween is that Christmas is just 55 days away.

I've purchased four small gifts so far. I am way behind. Way behind. This may be the year everyone gets socks. Who doesn't like a nice, soft pair of socks? Gahhh, I'm old. Anyway, I hope that wherever you are you are cooking up some Halloween fun. If answering the door every five minutes and passing out candy isn't your style, I highly recommend popping popcorn and watching a favorite scary movie. Sleepy Hollow with Johnny Depp is one of my favorites. I also find joy in some of the good ol' Disney favorites like Halloweentown or The Worst Witch. Not scary, just fun. Whatever you're doing when the veil thins on Halloween night, I hope it makes your heart sing.

Sending out so much love on this beautiful fall evening. Stay safe, stay well, and have FUN! XOXO, Nancy

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anandasamsara · 10 months ago

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Need to let shit out and as i can't afford therapy anymore, here's the place

I have no idea what to do anymore. Been playing with the idea of an onlyfans or selling feet pics, but i don't have the persistence for even that. Can't pick up any commission work bc i can't draw. Can't keep the print shop bc i can't afford materials. Im considering just selling all machinery to pay the bills.

Dad's only got 500brl from his payment this month, bc he borrowed money from the bank and it's eating up his whole salary. No, i have no idea where the supposed money he's borrowed went into. No idea where he spent enough money to cut his salary in fucking half, paying 144 installments of 1500brl.

We have to pay 1350brl for the apartment, about 250 for all phones, 180 for the internet, and thankfully this month only 56 for electricity but it might have been wrong and we might still get another bill with the right amount.

Outside of that, we need to eat, and i need to pay for my new phone that i only got bc the old one was about to explode, plus our credit card is blocked bc we don't have 5k to pay it right now. The credit card was being used exclusively to buy food.

I lost my job with the psychiatrist to her new computer, mom thankfully still has her first husband's pension, and dad gave us 500. So we have, collectively, about 2k if i give up my savings, and then next month we're back to about 1300brl, which doesn't even pay the apartment.

Dad has a job, a public job, from where he can't be legally fired. But he's on medical leave, so he can't work extra hours to earn more. I do understand the pressure and how tired he is after almost 30 years, but he's the only one who has a job. When I started working for the psychiatrist, he dumped all of the bills on me, but i was only making 300 per week and now I don't have this anymore. He's on medical leave bc he hates the school he teaches at, and got the leave with his psychiatrist. But if he needs to go back to work, he can't change schools bc no school will take a teacher on medical leave, so he doesn't want to go back. As i said, i do understand all of his psychological issues, but why do I have to ignore mine, which are also physical, to take whatever job, but he can't go back to the job he already has?? Isn't fucking survival first? We can't afford FOOD!

I have a medical leave check for myself to see if i can get into health security benefits in a couple weeks, but what if i can't? What if they look at me and say tough luck, deal with it? I haven't had an interview lined up yet, i went physically to places to give them my resume, but im either way under or too over qualified for literally every position i tried. Jobs that just require high school level won't hire me bc im graduated at university level, and places that require uni level also want me to have at least a mastery, or 5 years experience, or both.

I don't actually want to become a cam girl or whatever, I can't do the jobs i have the means to keep bc the means are gone, im too depressed to draw anything, I can't afford higher education and i have no drive right now,

I spent the last month in such a spiral of depression, bc i can't show that im depressed or my mom's depression will get worse. My best friends sent me money and im so embarrassed about it bc i shouldn't need this kind of help at all, and it was only enough to keep up for a month in the end. I can't bring myself to take any kind of whatever job, like at a store or supermarket or cleaning bc i won't survive the pain. I can feel my health declining, im in pain all the time, my bad foot has been acting up everyday and my ok foot is also annoying me.

I can't see much of any solution for anything. I became a burden, to my parents and to myself. To everyone. If i wasn't here, maybe it would be different. Easier. Cheaper.

#personal #vent post

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rejaytionships · 2 years ago

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cougarverse: knd timeline

Basic Information

Name: Arnie Treize Pronouns: She/Any Age: (somewhere in her 30s)

Relationships

Father / Benedict Wigglestein-Uno [husband]

Delightful Children From Down The Lane [stepchildren]

Jenkins [friend]

Numbuh 13 [nephew]

Toiletnator / Lou Pottingsworth III [queerplatonic partner]

Timeline Lore

(under readmore)

arnie treize is a tomboy who self-describes as "washed up" and "unlucky"

she would work a few low-wage jobs and every single time she'd get fired for an otherwise ignorable mistakes somehow becoming comically tragic accidents

being in the same family as numbuh 13, arnie believes that the bad luck the two face is actually a gene across their entire family tree

she lands a job as a cleaning lady for father because quite literally everybody else applicable either quit within a week or was too scared shitless of father to get the job to begin with

initially father thinks she's kind of annoying but he's desperate for someone this willing to have a job with him. he honestly assumes she's going to quit within the first week but at the very least her interview went best out of everyone else

when father asks arnie about the knd (specifically to weed out if she'd be a willing member of his evil team) she agrees to help him out with this endeavor

father is most pleased with this new minion. arnie is however 100% under the belief that the knd are simply roleplaying, and she assumes that now part of her job is larping with father's five very peculiar children and their "friends"

father is known to have a horrible temper. the whole household thought father's first temper tantrum around arnie would cause her to quit, but actually she ended up handling it fairly well and even managed to shut it down quicker than usual

the two do talk a little on the off-hours since father has a baking lifestyle going on. arnie likes spectating whatever father has going on, considering his baking style is "perfection isn't enough" and arnie's baking style is essentially "fuck it we ball"

at some point arnie figures out that the knd aren't just roleplayers, and that they were now actually caught in a crossfire between petty adults and wacky children. if father hadn't otherwise been very satisfied with arnie's dedication to the bit, she would have been in a world of trouble with father (it did somewhat embarrass him tbh to find out that his worker thought she was playing pretend with him this whole time)

what causes arnie and father to eventually start getting closer is after one of the missions against the knd failing catastrophically. father was sulking by the fire and arnie decided to bring him ice cream with the excuse "ohhh i wanted some for myself but you seem like you might want some too" and thus it opened up the perfect window to get father to talk about what's going on in his head

this turns into a tradition. father feels upset about something? ice cream by the fire! arnie saw a weird bug when cleaning and needed to complain? more dessert! both of them just needing a reason to socialize? you know where to find them

both of them are very lonely people deep down. the difference is that arnie is the one who takes steps to do something about it, while father was willing to accept he probably wouldn't form meaningful relationships ever

the delightful children (and jenkins) also end up attached to arnie, since she makes an effort to extend kindness to them (and has been taming father's crazy anger issues with this hit new ice-cream-and-chill trick)

the reason they end up together is probably because one night they're hanging out in the kitchen talking about their pasts together and the topic of exes comes up. arnie hasn't dated since college, and father hasn't dated period, so they get to bicker about how much they crave some form of romance......and then it clicks with them. they can date each other, can't they?

arnie ends up getting promoted from "cleaning lady" to "loving member of the house" because of this. even though arnie no longer gets a paycheck from father, he still covers all of her financial needs and more

he's probably above and beyond about it as well. she saw a cool outfit at the store today? he'll have it hand-tailored by professional fashion designers, made to fit her perfectly. she wants to take a trip to a theme park? he'll privately rent the whole place out to ensure the lines are short. it's his love language, and he has his ways of pulling it off

the first time arnie saw father's true form was shortly before the two got engaged. it was something he was frankly very embarrassed about, but arnie did not think it was that big of a deal. like.....oh no, he's still my boyfriend who is also attractive? the event let father feel more comfortable being himself around arnie, although he still does bottle up that side of him a lot for comfort reasons

father ended up proposing at the end of an all-day date just under a year after the two started dating. they had spent the sunlight at the beach, and the evening was spent at a high-end restaurant near the water. dessert got brought out, and right on top of the delightful cake treat was the ring. arnie took way too long to process what was happening and genuinely almost ate that damn ring

the wedding was fairly unpopulated, since all arnie had was immediate family, and father had like.......his delightful children, jenkins, and maybe a few random villains. however, it was still quite grand and they made the most out of what they had

the delightful children sometimes try to play pretend-restaurant at home to treat their parents. they do none of the cooking (at least not after the first time) but they always looove getting all fancied up and presenting things super formally. arnie gets way more of a kick out of it than father does, but they both appreciate the efforts

i'm sure i'll think of more but WAUGH. arnie lore dump. good fucking night it's quarter to 3am

(10.june.2023) EDIT i have more because i'm a toiletnator stan now

arnie would eventually start tagging along to the villain meetups, so that she could see exactly what she needed to learn as a new "villain"

at these meetings is where she met the toiletnator, lou, who managed to get sat at father's table. arnie and lou started to chat it up during the meeting, where lou really hyped himself up as an incredibly competent villain

when father brought arnie home that night, he explained the toiletnator is certainly not competent, much less good at what he does. this only made arnie more intrigued by him

eventually, arnie and lou bonded over feeling like the odd ones out in the group. lou found himself at father's mansion a whole lot more often now that arnie would bring him over to hang out. he was the only friend she could hang out with besides father or jenkins, so after a while he became a fairly big figure in the house. much to father's distaste, of course

lou and arnie also bonded over both having nephews in the knd (lou had numbuh 4, and arnie had numbuh 13)

the two of them becoming qpps wasn't made official in a super fancy way, similar to arnie's romantic relationship with father. lou and arnie were watching a movie, and they started talking about their feelings. arnie tried explaining that she had a weird crush on lou, but it wasn't anything romantic. like a friend crush. lou exclaimed he felt the same way, and then the two agreed on calling what they had going on "friend-dating", like platonic soulmates!

this was ran past father, who didn't judge the type of relationship but rather with whom it was with (he just thought the toiletnator was kinda lame, as kind-hearted as lou was). he ultimately was fine with it though, given how happy it seemed to make arnie (and also kept her entertained when he wanted his alone time)

#arnie treize #she's the man #cougarverse #self ship community #selfship #self insert #self insert community #selfshipping #selfship headcanon #long post #royally flushed #jay's jots

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lf2mode · 1 year ago

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feeling a bit moody tonight so i'm going to bring back my dumb tumblr blogging again...stream of consciousness time :)

for some context, i'm writing this after a year break from work; ive been job hunting again and i have study/interview duties coming up.

before my work break, one of the things i used to frequently get truly deeply sad over was this constant repeating cycle of me not allowing myself to pour infinite hours into just doing what i want, because work and life responsibilities were always looming. obviously, this went away when i took my work break, but before then…

2020 was a year where i started -really- getting back into drawing again, and it was also the year where work ramped up the hardest due to rona. for the next few months, almost on a weekly basis, i would find myself in bed brimming with inspiration yet also mentally stomping it out as hard as i could because standup was at 10 am and i really needed to hit work deadlines, so i really ~really~ needed to fight myself to sleep and not do my "draw until 7 am" thing again or else i would be in deep shit. i got better at this process over time, but every once in a while i would relapse (aka draw into the morning) and suffer work-wise, and it did get to the point where my managers would be concerned over my work performance. consequently i felt more trapped by my life circumstances than i have ever felt…this is coming from someone who is always feeling trapped and fighting for my own freedom, and somehow i fought my way into the deepest corner i could find on the map. every time i relapsed on "doing what i want" would lead to work consequences, and every time i didn't i would wake up the next morning deeply depressed at the mental ashes that represented my inspiration from the previous night. go figure that this work break felt like the best fucking thing i've ever felt in my life after years of self-denial.

anyway, now that i'm job hunting again, i am finding myself back in this cycle of forcing myself to stop again. funny thing is that i stopped myself from drawing and tried to go to bed, but here i am just writing until 3 am instead.

anyway, i've realized something about this that i think is a good thing.

while i am sad to find myself walking into this corner again, i also realize now that having competing priorities is one of the greatest motivators for me to do literally anything else beside the thing that i "should" be doing. so, even if i have to force myself to take breaks for the sake of my "real" resposibilities, ~at least~ i'm trying to work on what i want as much as i can in the slivers of time i can find. somehow, when i frame it this way, i don't feel like i'm stomping out inspiration. i'm relieved that, when i consciously look at what is happening, it's really not as bad as it feels.

side note…recently, i did allow myself to just work on one thing whenever i wanted to AND for however long i felt like at a time without feeling bad about it (can't post yet but probably soon) and i'm so happy that i did. i'm also thankful that i'm still job hunting since i can take intermittent breaks like this, though i know they won't be long.

anyway, that was the main thing i wanted to write about, but there are two more big things i wanted to dig into a bit…

one: in hindsight, i think my old tendency to "stomp out inspiration" or "feel bad about doing something for myself for too long" has stifled my ability to achieve anything long term. this isn't even just in the realm of "work" or "productivity" but actually goes even into things like "leisure" because wow i am still unable to get myself to just watch a movie or show. the medium of enjoyment i allow myself must be short-form so as to maintain the illusion of being able to stop at a finer granularity, unless it's in audio form only because then i can listen while doing other stuff at the same time.

anyway, i think this tendency of mine is connected to my tendency to stop myself from doing anything for too long for most of my life…and i believe this work break was instrumental in my realizing this. hell, i can even go further - growing up, my mom would never let me do anything for longer than an hour unless it was productive. the only way i would be able to enjoy things for longer than an hour at a time was if i snuck onto a computer after sleeping hours until 3 am and cross my fingers that my mom was asleep. ok...when i put it this way, i think it all makes a little too much sense.

two: one might look at the entire problem that i'm having and wonder "why not just turn what you enjoy into your work?" and to that i say: i have zero faith that the world will support me adequately for simply doing what i want to do. some people are able to have this belief and that's great. i don't. i'm also very sensitive to others' expectations, and i think the fastest way to dooming my hobbies is to tie it to my livelihood. however, maybe i should actually give it a shot instead of just saying that, because maybe it will feel fine and i will have a good time. maybe the world would want to support me adequately for doing what i want to do, but honestly…that's gonna have to wait for another work break.

not to harp on the same thing, but this just reminds me how i gave a whole presentation to my mom when i was 14 about how i wanted to become an animator and presented her with stats on salaries and job prospects, and i'm pretty sure that night ended with her yelling me into tears. again, makes a little too much sense how i feel about things based on just my upbringing.

ok last thing now that i'm looking back at what i wrote. i'm gonna be really obnoxious and quote my own tweet from a private account...

people attribute a very high proportion of mental health symptoms to childhood trauma, and i used to think it was very cheesy to pigeonhole so much of what drives mental health, but over time i've come to accept that the proportion of symptoms caused by trauma is just really huge

last last thing for real. i don't hold ill will toward my mom. i think she did her best and we just have to deal with what cards we were handed. all things considered, despite what i've said, my circumstances are pretty good. i bring it all up for the sake of understanding myself, not for the sake of placing blame or whatever.

cool. i think i got all of my thoughts out. gngn

#text #i actually moved this from...another tumblr #realizing i kinda wanna keep these more private lmao

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theleanbean · 2 years ago

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Got a scam job offer in my email this week. I knew to be cautious after working in a bank for a year and encountering all different types of fraud, but I know that not everybody has that experience. I want to make something that sort of gives people a warning on what to look out for

Unprompted (did you apply to this? if not its probably fake) If this place is so great why would they be reaching out to you of all people? Do you know anyone at the company?

Check the Company Website. The "interview" offer that I got was for an actual company but the company did not list said position on their website. Even if a company has an employee in mind they legally have to list said position in order to comply with equal opportunity laws. Likewise you still have to apply for said position, they can't just interview you without an application. I've heard of some scammers making fake companies and fake websites, do your research see if you can find a history about the company.

Names Didn't Add Up. Do your research on the names listed in the email, sometimes scammers will lie and say that they are someone they are not, but both the "HR" person and the "interviewer" weren't listed on linkedIn or the company's website and their names brought up nothing. I'm nobody and even when I google myself in incognito it brings my website, my LinkedIn, and my Instagram. If these people are as high-level as they say they should have some digital footprint as a career advantage

Read what you are sent even if it is long. I was sent this massive document talking about company culture and this history of the company. Read it! Corporations have to be very particular with how they word things for legal reasons. In this case I saw the company get refereed to by several different versions of the same name eg. "Group, Co., Inc." Which is it? Scammers often make typos or mix up information, this document had cities listed that the company had no locations in.

The paper also had 2 different unrelated companies mentioned in the document as if somebody forgot to correct the document before they sent it.

Needing to Obtain Things To do the Job. The document also mentioned about needing the obtain a specific computer to do the job. You should never have to be in charge of obtaining the required hardware yourself that will be given to you by your employer.

If a company requires you to buy software or hardware in order to do your job run far away. Even if they say they will pay you for it and send you a check it is fake. They will have you buy the technology off of their "vendor" then the check will bounce and you will be negative that much money. Don't trust checks from anyone you don't know.

The page also listed FigJam and Figma as if they were different things (they aren't) and didn't even mention needing Adobe software for my alleged Visual Designer Job

Email Address. Does the email you recieved match other email adresses listed by the company? Depending on the company this information might be hard to find though.

Check their social media. Sometimes companies will warn about scammers pretending to be them. In this case I discovered a comment on their facebook talking about how they had been scammed into a fake interview.

The Salary. Unfortunately companies don't like to disclose salaries, scammers on the other hand will tell you to grab your attention. In this case it was $50.00 an hour which is way over the average salary for the field they were offering the position in. The actual Glassdoor page of this company's reviews mentioned noncompetitive wages which wouldn't be the case if it was actually 50 an hour.

If it sounds to good to be true it usually is. Often these scammers will have you fill out forms with all your information on it even before they get to the monetary part of the scam. If I had the energy I'd probably go out an waste their time, but I unfortunately do not.

#text #text post #scam warning

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blushing-starker · 3 years ago

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Hard to get, easy to keep

for the amazing @starkerfestivals kinktober prompts. I did lingerie, candy kink and just the tip. nsfw starker, dirty talk, pete's nineteen here but he enthusiastically consents, praise kink, slight feminization, blow jobs, referenced fingering and handjobs. you know, just a normal day writing porn with feels as one does ;)

p.s i might make this a series, but that depends on the feedback and work

-----

He's not even sure how it happens. Or, you know, what it is that happens. It was supposed to be simple; young reporter for The Daily Bugle wanted an interview. Ok, yeah, that's normal. Tony has ten reporters that circle him like vultures whenever he steps out of his mansion. The difference was the kid they sent him, because, by the way, he's a kid. Nineteen years old. Still in high school. Happy nearly had a heart attack when he first saw the kid. Anyway, difference is that this kid is beautiful.

Now, before you get your pitchforks out, Tony knows it's objectively wrong to do a double take in the middle of a party he's hosting because of a child. He also knows he's a Stark and when has a Stark not tempted fate? Or the police? Exactly, so he figured, fine, let the kid have his fifteen minutes of Tony Stark and he can have fifteen minutes of internally debating the pros and cons of fucking someone that's not even twenty years old yet.

But then Rhodey proposes to Pepper and what is he going to do, coax a kid into his bed while his best friends get engaged? No. Obviously. Unfortunately. So he tells Happy to plan a rain check. Poor kid went to Miami when he lives in Queens; he deserves a rain check and a flight in Tony's jet for when he gets back. Great, they schedule a meeting in Miami in two weeks.

Obadiah Stane attempts to form a coup, steal the company and ruin Rhodey's and Pepper's engagement party on the same day. Alrighty, an online meeting, then.

Peter has finals on the day they set out and can't be excused. Yet another painful reminder that he's lusting after a school boy still in puberty.

Tony Stark says fuck it like Tony Stark usually does and goes to New York.

Drops by the kid's apartment, woos the aunt and bam. Peter's luggage is ready by the time the kid comes stumbling home, arms bravely trying to carry what looks like a million magazines, journals, newspapers and printed articles. All about him. When they lock eyes, every single sheet of paper gets dumped on the living room couch.

"Hey, kiddo. Figured I'd bring myself to Queens for our interview, meet the famous aunt and wait for you here. But then May tells me you've had a rough week, so you and I are going on a road trip. My family has a cabin up north, just a couple hours from here. We can do your interview and discuss an internship at the company on the way there. Stark Industries is always looking for young talent and May and I agree: you've got talent, Pete."

May basically throws her nephew out of the apartment after making him promise to take this opportunity and have fun. They're on the highway five minutes later.

-----

Still feel like he only wants to fuck the kid? Well, he does want to fuck the kid, but Tony Stark doesn't sleep with stupid people. He's read all of Peter's articles from the Bugle, his essays from the high school newspaper and some of his work for his classes. It wasn't that hard to break into Midtown; Jarvis actually scoffed when Tony asked him to get into such a simple system.

The kid is clever, sarcastic, sharp and undeniably talented. A little rough around the edges, but who isn't at that age? If the kid doesn't want what he's offering, that's ok. If he only wants the internship, done deal. Tony's morals may be a bit sketchy, but he's not so sketchy he's going to force himself onto a kid.

And you know what? Sleeping with Peter is in the back of his mind during the first half of the ride. His questions aren't offensive or blunt, but they sure as hell don't beat around the bush. Tony actually has to pause and consider some of them a bit more deeply before answering. The whiskey helps with the unexpected case of nerves (him, nervous about flirting? His dad would keel over if he were alive.) and soon enough they're done with the prompt questions and improvising.

"At the party, the one in Miami, I saw Miss Potts getting engaged with Mr Rhodes. That must be very exciting, something to look forward to after everything that's happened. Do you think it'll help with morale, planning a wedding? If the company is getting involved."

Tony narrows his eyes at the kid, can't quite figure out his line of questioning. He takes a sip of his drink and reclines back in his seat.

"Honestly, we haven't discussed the idea of the company officially getting involved with the wedding. Pep, as you know, is a very serious CEO and I doubt she'd want to make that move. She's the type of person that would think of it as taking advantage of her job and the company's resources. Obviously, I'm going to go behind their backs and plan a few surprises. With my family money, though. Everyone loves Pep, but she'd feel uncomfortable if I intervened with the company name. I can respect that. There's no way in hell I'm letting them honeymoon in the United States, though. I will forcibly put them on a plane to Europe for that, if I have to."

Peter laughs and Jesus, that sound shouldn't be so pleasing to hear. " I look forward to taking those pictures, Mr Stark. I'm sure they'll be hilarious."

"Taking the pictures?"

"Oh, yeah! I got promoted to a photo journalist. The interview with you was scheduled before the change, though, so you don't have to worry about that."

And look at that, thoughtful, too. Tony hates paparazzi. "I appreciate that, Peter. Just for that, I'll give you the pictures for free."

He will. He's a Stark; the Bugle couldn't buy them even if they had the same budget as the Times.

Peter fidgets, toys with his glasses. Tony has the sudden urge to paint them white, watch as Peter blinks up at him from the floor and asks him, ever so nicely, if he could please remove them so he could lick Tony's dick clean without having them in the way. Tony downs his drink in one go and tries to remember how a Holy Mary prayer goes.

"You know, I was a bit surprised when I saw the engagement. I thought you were, um, involved with them. I mean, one of them, not the two of them together. That would be, not bad, obviously. Just unexpected, I guess? I hadn't thought of them as that type of couple in that ... context."

The words are out of his mouth before he can properly process them and he's never been more grateful to Pepper for suggesting he get a sound proof backseat.

"So you've thought of me, in that context?" Peter goes pink. Hello Kitty pink. Like, as pink as the goddamn Pink store. Strawberry ice cream pink. Peter wearing pink lingerie and drenched in strawberry ice cream, lollipop between pretty pink cupid bow's lips and Sweethearts littered over a flushed body.

Yes, he has a fucking candy kink; blame Jarvis 1.0 for not letting him steal sweets from his mom's hidden jar in the kitchen.

Still, that was bad, Tony. Bad, bad, possibly expensive sexual harassment lawsuit bad.

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate-"

"No, I shouldn't have asked like that-"

"That wasn't even in the top ten worst questions reporters have asked me-"

"That doesn't mean I can ask something private like that-"

"It's fine, really, Pete-"

"I mean, if I did ask something private, it'd be only fair you ask me something, too-"

"Uh, not really, since you're a teenage reporter-"

"I'm nineteen-"

"That's not exactly a great card to throw, kid-"

"It's true, though! I'm an adult-"

"I shouldn't have asked that either way, Peter-"

"But it's true. I have. Thought of you. In that context. Often."

Great. Now Tony's going pink.

"I'm going to ask you something, Peter. You can not answer and we'll pretend this latter half of the ride never happened; your internship intact and your job done for the paper."

Peter bites his lip, peers up at him tentatively. Tony needs a bottle of whiskey right about now. "Or?"

"Or you answer truthfully. Your choice. I'm good either way, ok? I need to know you understand that one or the other, you have a choice in this, alright."

"I understand."

"You do? Say it back to me."

The kid's breathing hitches. Like something out of the romance novels Jarvis' wife used to read in the living room while Tony tinkered with DUM-E. Like Peter enjoys Tony telling him what to do. The same way Tony enjoys telling him what to do.

The hole is just getting bigger and bigger and he hasn't stopped digging, huh?

"I can not answer and there won't be any repercussions."

"Good. Nice use of vocabulary. Keep going."

"My internship will be ok and I'll have enough material for the Bugle. Or I can answer honestly. I have a choice in both."

"Fantastic job, Peter," he shivers, actually shivers, Jesus Christ on a bike, "now the question. When you were in Miami, were you already thinking of me in that context?"

He's expecting a punch. Maybe a slap, the kid looks more like a damsel in distress type and no, no, absolutely not going down the road of a roleplay starring shy, virginal princess Peter and rogue bard Tony desperately seeking to discover what's under long gowns.

(Peter in a pink cheerleading outfit, blushing wildly and gently licking him like a kitten, a bit awkward but determined to distract his boyfriend during a pregame ritual.)

(Peter wrapped in pretty bows and sheer lace, rose petals in his hair and hickies all over. Soft handcuffs pining his hands to the headboard, but legs free to scramble over silk sheets as the big bad wolf eats him up. His cute dick, who is he kidding, of course the kid has a cute cock, trapped in a metal cage and the key tucked away in Tony's garage. Laid down like a feast for Tony to devour.)

(Peter with maple syrup running down a pale chest, whiskey pooling in the dips of his hips, cotton candy melting over toned thighs and caramel drizzled over such beautiful lips.)

(PeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeterPeter)

Tony snaps out of it and steals two bottles of water from the mini-fridge, gives one to Peter.

They chug them down, both of them flustered and looking away. "I was. I was actually planning on doing something about it, but with the engagement and then my finals. I figured I lost my chance."

"And the extremely high age gap doesn't bother you?"

Peter shrugs, pushes his glasses up his nose. "I'm an adult. I'm still in high school because we moved to New York and the school decided I had to repeat a grade. I have my own income, I'm already getting scholarship offers from a few colleges. Yeah, somethings are bound to be different, but that doesn't really change my feelings. Honestly? I thought, if I'm going to have my first one night stand-"

"Might as well be with Tony Stark?"

"No, might as well be with someone who's not going to talk about it to the entire school and who takes it seriously. I've had friends who've dated a classmate and it never ends well."

"So, you want sex. With me."

"I'd, I'd like to try having more than sex with you. But, I mean, if it's just sex on the table, then yeah, definitely. Absolutely, Mr Stark."

"Ok."

"Ok? That's it?"

"Kid, if I think about it too hard, I'm going to stop the car and then ask Happy to hit me with the bat we keep in the trunk. Do you consent to sex and will you stop me if anything is uncomfortable?"

"I do."

"Great. I'm thinking sex first and then we give dating a try, how's that sound?"

"Um, yeah. I'm not really sure this isn't a dream."

"Oh, me neither. I stopped believing this is happening when you asked me about Pep and Rhodes."

-----

"Now that my timeline is clear and my conscience feels less like a train wreck, when are we going to stop this hard to get dance, Parker?"

Tony delights in the way the kid's eyes widen, how he visibly flushes when they literally just finished talking about this five minutes ago.

(They took a break. Stopped the car, stretched. Tony screamed into Happy's shoulder. Peter laid down and stared at the sky. Happy sighed and called Pepper to let her know they'd need to keep away the nosy reporters for a while. They all collectively decided to ignore each other while trudging back inside the car. It's fine, Peter's fine, he's fine. It's fine.)

"How about now?" It's the most tentative question Tony has been asked and a little girl once asked him if he was going to become her new daddy the morning after he broke her mom's bed.

"Yeah, you know what? I completely agree."

Tony takes off his sunglasses, makes sure the carpet on the car floor isn't too dirty. These are tailored pants, after all.

"You know you can always say no, right?"

"I do, Mr Stark." Tony smiles, can't believe this kid landed on his lap.

"Unless it's a thing for you, you can call me Tony, Pete."

That cute blush again. God, that's going on his spank bank for the rest of his life. "I, um, I think it's a thing. If that's ok with you?"

"I can definitely get used to it. Now do me a favor, Pete," the kid looks at him, eyes big and body leaning forward like he's desperate to follow orders," spread your legs for me, honey." Peter's legs nearly reach the doors at their sides and Tony thanks whatever god made it so that his new lover is flexible as an acrobat.

"I was a gymnast when I was small."

The smirk on Tony's face could raise the dead, "Of course you were, Peter." He carefully unzips black jeans, lowers them down hips he wants to bite and freezes.

"Peter, are you wearing boxer-briefs with my name on them?" They say STARK in bold letters, gold stitching bright against the black, tight fitting fabric. It, uh, does something to him, he won't lie.

"Oh, I forgot I had them on today. To be fair, you make really comfy underwear. My best friends got them for me as a birthday gift."

"Uh huh, sure. Can you lift your shirt up, please?"

"..."

"Peter?"

"I swear I didn't plan this."

"Right. Thing is, I know this particular set. The bottoms aren't that different from what you can get at Target, or Walmart. They're normal, really. The only difference is the quality of fabric and the stitching. The top, though. The top, if I'm not mistaken, which I'm not," Tony slides his hands below Peter's shirt and drags blunt nails up a warm chest until they catch on something, grins like he just won the lottery, "is a lace halter top bralette. I know because I helped make lace this sturdy and soft.

"Peter Parker, are you wearing Stark lingerie?" It is possible that the kid's glasses fog up. It is possible that it gets him hard.

"Maybe."

"Kid, I'm gonna eat you up."

Leaving behind the top half, Tony focuses on rolling down black underwear. He moans. Actually moans when he sees Peter's dick.

It's long and thin, just like the kid. As rosy as his cheeks, too. "Such a pretty pink cock and it's all for me. Do you think you'd taste like candy if I gave some Sweethearts or ice cream? Don't answer that, I'm sure you taste sweet anyway."

Peter jolts and precum dribbles from his cock. Huh. Add dirty talk to the list then.

"Mr Stark, I don't think I'm gonna last long." He hasn't even touched the kid and already his voice is cracked and shaky.

It's a very big turn on.

"Think you can last enough for me to get a good taste of this pretty thing?" Another jolt, another drop of pearly cum spills. Oh, he's going to have so much fun with Peter.

"No."

"Hmm. What if I just lick and don't actually suck? Mind you, there isn't a limit, kid. If you wanna spill inside my mouth and then come again, I don't know, between my thighs or, " Peter whines, hips flexing erratically and lip bitten red like a cherry, "I am absolutely down for that."

"I usually get, um, you know."

"Pete, I don't know."

The kid drops his head, squirms in his seat. "I get really wet and sometimes I come a lot. Many times. In one go." He winces, probably thinks Tony is going to throw him out of the car.

"Parker, look at me. None of what you just said is a bad thing. I am even more determined to get my mouth on that gorgeous dick of yours. Would you like that?"

A nod.

"Use your words, baby."

Pink again. "Yes, Mr Stark."

Shit, now he's going to have to ask Pep to call him something else. "Good boy." Peter wraps a tight hand around himself and groans, body curling over Tony's head.

"Please, please, Mr Stark. I won't last long."

"Excellent." Tony leans down and finds out that Peter Parker does, in fact, taste like candy.

---------

When they arrive at the cabin, Tony has to pry Peter away from the sticky seat. Happy opens the door to the place, does not look at either of them, does not breathe while they're close and then sits down on the front steps, taking out his first cigarette of the month.

Tony hums as Peter wakes up, happy to carry him all the way to the master bathroom.

"How long was I out for?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"And where are we going now?"

"I am drawing you a bath so we can rinse you off and get you clean."

Peter blushes and hides his face in the crook of Tony's neck. It's fucking adorable.

"I don't need a shower; I didn't come that much."

His leather seats beg to differ. The entire car is gonna have to be washed just to get the smell out. "You came three times."

"No, I didn't it."

"Right. So you didn't come in my mouth; glorious experience, by the way. You taste like sugar. You didn't come with just the tip of my fingers in your ass-"

"I asked you to-"

"To fuck you in the back of a moving car with my sizable dick. No way I was gonna do that, especially when I didn't know how much you could handle."

"I said just the tip."

"See, I wanna know why you're pouting because that same pretty jaw of yours dropped when it was just my fingers. Oh, and then you didn't come thanks to my amazing hands."

"I never said they were amazing."

"No, you said 'oh my god, let's do that again.' And I said not until you have a shower and some food. Now, are you going to be a good boy and be easy to hold during the bath?"

Peter blinks at him, hesitatingly shrugs. "What, you don't think I'm joining you?" The smile that gets him is enough to convince Tony that yeah, Peter's going to be easy to hold onto in and out of the bath.

#starkerfestival #starkerfestivalsevents #starker nff #starker #ironspider #peter parker x tony stark #peter parker #tony x peter #reporter!peter #no powers!au #no iron man either #my gifs #my writing #starker dirty talk #tagging like that so tumblr doesnt delete it #starker lingerie #starker blowjobs

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allthemenofmydreams · 3 years ago

Text

Back Home with a Trophy & a Baby- Ben Chilwell

It was the week of the champions final, Ben was busy with training and some interviews. But in his free time at night, he would lie next to me and always lay his head on my growing belly and talk sweet words to our baby.

I was 8 months pregnant, and we still didn't know what sex our baby was. We wanted it to be a surprise, even though we were dying to know. When the team reached the Champions League final and found out that it would be played in Porto. Ben and I started having little arguments on whether or not I should attend the final. Due to my condition, I was not recommended to get on a plane, especially when you are at a stage where the baby could be born at any moment.

The day before he left we had another little talk. We still hadn't decided if I would attend the game or not. Although the doctor had given us green light for me to attend the game because everything was under control and it wasn't a long flight. According to him, the baby was going to stay in my belly for a couple more weeks, but Ben wasn't so sure. He feared that maybe I would start having contractions during the flight or, worse, that the baby would want to be born while he was at the game.

I was in the kitchen making dinner when he got home.

"I think you should stay," Ben said, placing a flight ticket and the game pass over the table. "I will be more relaxed if you stay, but I will also feel at ease knowing that you are in the stands supporting me, so... I let it up to you".

I walked and stood in front of him, placing my arms around his neck and playing with his hair. I looked him in the eyes and said

"I'm going to be fine, I mean we're going to be fine." I took his hand and placed it on my belly so he could feel the baby move.

Ben smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"I know, I just can't help but worry about you two".

"How would you feel if I thought about it over the next few days, and let you know what I've decided?"

"I'm fine with that." He smiled and then said, "what's that smell?"

"Oh, I made your favorite food because I was craving it," He laughed and walked over to the stove to serve himself a plate.

"Let's have dinner then"

In the morning, Ben got up early for a final training session at Cobham before leaving for Portugal.

"Please, let me know what you decide Y/N, whether you go or stay¨ Ben said, taking his things and placing them in the back of the car.

I was in my pajamas standing in the door frame leading to our garage watching his movements. It was very early, but I had to say goodbye to him and wish him good luck because, whether I was going or not, it was very likely that I would see him after the game.

"We're staying, so don't worry. The baby and I want you to stay focused." Ben came over to me and kneeled, placing his hands and forehead on my belly.

"I'm going to get that win and bring that trophy home so when you grow up I can tell you about that great day."

Pregnancy hormones and Ben's words made me cry. He stood up and looked me in the eyes.

"I know I'm going to see you in a couple of days, but I don't want to leave without saying thank you"

"Thank you for what?" I asked, confused with my voice shaking from crying.

"For making me the luckiest man alive, because you are an extraordinary woman who is doing a great job with our baby. I can't wait to have him or her in our arms."Ben placed his hands on my cheeks and put his forehead on mine, "I love you so much Y/N, thank you for being my support, I don't know what I would do without you"

"I love you too Ben, thank you for all you have done for us, and for showing us not to give up and work on our dreams, I know you are a great team and you are going to win. I don't need to wish you good luck, because that victory is already yours." I gave him a soft and deep kiss. Whenever Ben plays away I get a little touchy, even though I know he'll be back in a day or two.

We hugged one more time before he got in the car and drove away.

I walked into the house and saw the tickets on the table. Even when I had told Ben that I would stay because I didn't want to worry him and needed him to keep the promise he had made to our baby before he left. I told the Footballer a little white lie.

The next day, I got dressed in comfortable clothes, grabbed my suitcase, and called an Uber to take me to the airport.

As we took off, I remembered that I hadn't told Ben about my change of plans. After a couple of hours, we landed, everything under control and the baby still in my belly. It was a safe and quiet flight and I slept through it. On the way to the hotel, I was thinking about how to communicate to Ben that I was not in London but Porto.

After checking into the hotel and settling into my room, I sent a message to Ben.

Y/N Babe, I need to tell u smth

He replied almost immediately.

Benjamin Please don't tell me the baby is born

I laughed at his worries.

Y/N Nop, baby still on my belly

Benjamin Phew! then what's it?

Y/N You won't believe me, but we're here

Benjamin Here? where? He didn't understand

Y/N Porto.

I replied straight to the point.

It's been 5 minutes since I told him I was in Portugal and he still doesn't answer my message. I don't know whether to worry. Maybe he got annoyed. A couple of minutes later my cell phone showed an incoming call from Ben, and as soon as I answered I heard his voice.

"It was that a joke y/n? because if it was..." I interrupted him.

"It wasn't a joke Ben, I'm here in Portugal. I'm at the hotel"

"Oh my god! you're such a liar, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I changed my mind at the last minute, everything went so fast that I forgot to tell you."

"I can't believe you did it... "

"Are you mad at me?" I asked out of the blue. I couldn't deal with the feeling of guilt for not telling him.

"What! no, I'm not mad. I'm actually glad you're here."

We kept talking for a little longer until we had to end the call because of his pre-match duties.

It's Saturday morning, game day. I sent a text to Ben wishing him good luck and that I would see him later to celebrate. Later I was already in the stands waiting for the game to start. The opening ceremony gave me goosebumps. It was unbelievable. I was glad I was at the game and didn't miss this special day; because I couldn't have lived knowing how everyone was talking about this special day and I didn't get to see it.

The teams took to the field and lined up in front of the sideline for the anthem once again. I noticed that Chelsea's number 21 was discreetly looking for me. When he found me, he signaled to let me know he had seen me. The signal was to run his hand through his hair, so the fans wouldn't go looking for the person he had waved at. Which made it a special moment between us.

The stadium erupted in cheers and celebrations when Kai scored the goal that gave us the lead. I screamed and celebrated as I had never done before. We were winning. A few minutes before the end of the first half, I felt a liquid running down my legs, had I peed?

In the bathroom, while wiping myself, I realized that it wasn't pee, but that my water had broken. I tried to stay calm and not panic; there was still halftime left to play. I took a deep breath, adjusted my dress, and went back to the stands.

The referee added 7 minutes. My nerves were clutching my stomach, plus the baby was also nervous because I could feel it moving. When the ref blew the final whistle I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, it was the longest 7 minutes of my life.

Everyone in the stands was celebrating, the boys and Ben were hugging each other. They couldn't believe it. I was so happy celebrating and watching the awards that for a moment I forgot my water had broken. It was a little pain that reminded me that the baby could be born at any moment.

When they allowed the families to enter the field, Ben came for me. The huge smile on his face and the medal around his neck made me emotional. As soon as he was near we hugged and both burst into tears. I was so proud of him, I still couldn't believe he was Champion of Europe.

"You did it!" I told him wiping the tears that were running down his cheeks "I told you you would be a champion, I am so proud of you".

"I still can't believe it, I'm over the moon," he smiled and kissed my temple "Thank you! Thank you for coming and being here with me"

"I couldn't miss this day for anything in the world"

"I'm glad you didn't miss it"

We continued celebrating until the guys went back to the locker room to get ready for the celebration party.

We had just arrived at the place when I started to feel stronger pains. I didn't want Ben to miss the party, so I tried to mask them with the breathing exercises I had been taught in my prenatal classes. But I couldn't take it anymore and doubled over in pain.

"Babe, you okay?" Ben asked, kneeling next to me. I shook my head.

"I think the baby is coming," I said, inhaling and exhaling. "at halftime my water broke".

"What? Why didn't you tell me before?" his voice sounded worried.

"Because... at that moment... it didn't hurt." my voice cracked in pain.

"We have to go to a hospital" he took out his cellphone and asked for an Uber to the nearest hospital.

When we arrived, the nurses attended to me quickly and took me to a room. They asked me a couple of questions, luckily they spoke English. Ben filled out the paperwork for my admission, while we waited for the doctor. As soon as he came in and checked me over and said.

"This baby is ready" what! but it was still a couple of weeks before I was due. "Get things ready for delivery and call the pediatrician."

All the nurses started moving quickly and I started to freak out.

"Calm down," Ben said, taking my hand and kissing me "It's going to be okay, I'm with you."

"Okay," the doctor said, "on my signal, you're going to push as hard as you can, okay?", I nodded.

"You can do it, sweetie, now it's your turn to bring our trophy into the world."

"Now!" the doctor said.

After pushing three or four times, I heard our baby cry.

"Congratulations! It's a boy," the doctor said. "Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" he asked, looking at Ben, and Ben nodded. A nurse handed Ben a pair of scissors. Watching him cut the cord was the most beautiful moment.

As soon as it was cleaned up, they took the baby away to check that he was healthy and strong because he had been born a couple of weeks earlier. strong because he had been born a couple of weeks before.

"You did great Y/N," Ben said, kissing my lips "he is going to be fine".

Ben texted our family and the lads at Chelsea to let them know that everything had gone well and that the baby was healthy.

A couple of hours later a nurse came in with our little boy in her arms and handed him to me.

I couldn't believe that this little human being had come out of me.

"Look at him, he is as handsome as his daddy," said Ben next to me, I let out a little laugh.

"I know, he's going to be a little heartbreaker."

"I don't know which one of you two I should thank, but you have certainly made this day unforgettable" Ben's eyes were covered with a couple of tears, he was over the moon, "I'm a double champion, I won a title and a baby".

"Who knew you were going to come home with a trophy and a baby," I laughed.

Our baby was still very small but I did not doubt that he was a clone of Ben.

Since everything was under control and he was a healthy baby, the next day they let us go. So our little guy came out dressed in a Chelsea onesie that the team sent us, plus other essentials for Ben and I that we didn't have because it was all unexpected. They also sent us the baby seat so we could take him home.

We didn't know if taking a newborn on a plane was a good idea, but we couldn't stay longer in Portugal. Luckily, the doctor said there was no problem, as our baby was healthy and could handle a couple of hours on the plane. At the hospital they helped us with the paperwork so we didn't have any problems when we arrived in London.

I was glad we were going back to London with the rest of the team because then Ben could still celebrate with them. The kids and families watching us were excited, all wanting to meet little Ben.

"Congratulations, Dad," Mason said as soon as he saw his teammate.

"Thanks, buddy," they hugged. "Would you like to be his godfather?"

Mason smiled and said.

"No need to ask."

When we found out I was pregnant, we spent more time wondering who was going to be our baby's godfather rather than thinking about names. We both agreed it would be Mason since he was a close friend of both of ours.

As soon as we landed we went straight home. We wanted to rest and assimilate everything that had happened over the weekend. I was glad that our baby was born early because Ben was able to be present at the birth and enjoy our boy for a couple of days before he left for his international duties.

#ben chilwell imagine #ben chilwell oneshot #ben chilwell one shot #football one shot #football fanfiction #ben chilwell fanfic #footballer imagine #football imagine #football fanfic #football oneshot

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mangodestroyer · 3 months ago

Text

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been going through this as well!

I'm not even physically disabled myself! But retail sure as hell makes me feel like I am sometimes. I used to be that person who could just stay thin with very little effort and walk a fifteen-mile hike through some rough ass terrain like it was nothing! People worried about me and thought I was starving myself. Others joked and called me hollow leg. People thought I was too thin to be strong, but I have always been tall and muscular for my bio sex. I used to work another job where I lifted up to fifty pounds all day for ten hours, forty hours a week. Non-stop. I'd work outside in blizzards, dragging huge grocery orders through the snow. As an awkward, lanky 20-year-old who only weighed 120 lbs.

But this job? This job has me lying in bed for most of my free time. My joints sometimes get so sore and I feel like I have to take so many measures to reduce inflammation. Despite still being a physical job... that weight I put on is being so fucking stubborn. I've started reducing my calories by quite a bit too. I do think about exercising, but I cannot bring myself to get out of bed to do that. I think it's the mental exhaustion doing this. I'm mentally disabled and really, I probably shouldn't be working a job like this. I'm already a high risk for mental health (moderate depression and anxiety). I have a diagnosed disorder that basically means I'm borderline autistic. And I think I might also have ADHD and cPTSD as well. You're right, the scheduling doesn't help with your social life. Not that I have much going on anyway, but it doesn't help me build one. Nor does it make me a fun person to be around because I am always burnt out and often in a bad mood. I probably seem boring, bitter, and borderline crazy. I'm also now addicted to weed and caffeine. I'm not even functional without those things.

No, it doesn't have to be like this. I genuinely believe that capitalism has set things up like this on purpose. If you look all throughout history, tons of empires had a slave class. Wage slavery IS actually recognized as a form of slavery. It just doesn't seem like it is because we still have some semblance of freedom and you can, in theory, work your way out of this. But let's be real here, who often ends up working these jobs? People from rough backgrounds/those who are desperate and can't find anything else. You have zero bargaining power in this line of work and the general public thinks you're a lesser being for working a job like this. The company treats you like dirt and acts like nothing you do is ever enough. And the scheduling literally makes it so difficult to decompress from a shift and think about/do other things with your life. I feel like the whole point of it is to keep you trapped/stop you from thinking you can actually work your way out of it. And keep you too tired to even want to try. I mean... it would actually be easier for them to give everyone a set schedule and it would reduce the overturn by quite a bit if they made things even a little bit easier for us. I think they need to convince people that they are trapped and can't bring themselves to find something else so that they can continue to give shit pay and horrible working conditions. Look into the phenomenon of "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness." It's literally a tactic used by ab*sers.

My advice is to try and fight through it and do whatever you can to find something else. Learn some tricks to improve your resume and interviewing skills. Learn how to market yourself. Talk to people who work in the hiring process or who just happen to know some things about it (I found out that I actually have a lot more skills than I thought I did). Try to get any amount of education that you can and seriously look back on everything you've done in your life to see how it applies to a job you're applying to. I was surprised to find that my experience working in a lab in school, working with Excel, and writing lab reports was desirable to an office job I was hired for (part-time on campus). Someone mentioned that my minor in mathematics probably helped make me more desirable as well. I also got hired for a theater job and the person interviewing me was delighted to find out that I was in choir, orchestra, and theater all the way back in grade school. And even that performed on stage multiple times for many years. That was so many years ago! And... neither of these jobs has anything to do with anything I've studied in college.

Just get out! It doesn't get better!

Not that I want to talk about it too much or anything, but now that I'm actually leaving retail for real (because I finally secured something else and can afford to leave), I'm kind of thinking a lot about how shitty this job actually is. And how I sort of just got used to it after a while.

I mean, first, there's the obvious of retail being a hella toxic environment. You're constantly facing the public, and have zero ways of standing up for yourself and avoiding it. Companies also push for you to reach extreme goals and push for workers to be super competitive over the metrics. All this micromanaging, as well as the bs from the customers, can easily cause co-workers to become burnt out and bitter. Leading to toxic work relationships as well.

Secondly, it's so much physical labor. And my job in particular also requires a high level of social intelligence. I mean, you have to actually SELL things to customers, on top of balancing a thousand different tasks (and completing them within a certain time frame while also putting out other people's fires). I mean, seriously. It's difficult to draw the energy to have a whole-ass sales pitch, individualized to the customer you're speaking to when you've been rushing to complete three projects.

It's also the scheduling. You can never have the same schedule every week. And the shifts are always all over the place. One week, you might have six four-hour shifts, the next week, you have an eight-hour shift where you work till nine at night, and then have another eight-hour shift the next day requiring you to come in at five or six in the morning. Maybe you worked nothing but evening shifts for the past three months. Now you're suddenly being scheduled morning shifts after you've gotten used to going to bed at four a.m. because you hate waiting to go to your job during the day. Maybe you're scheduled two 35-40 hour weeks because it's a very busy sales period and there is A LOT OF WORK TO DO. Then you're scheduled for nothing but 8 to 16-hour weeks and there's nothing to do/you have no money. You're scheduled for every weekend and holiday. You can no longer feel excited about those while everyone else is having a blast. In fact, you forgot that going to the store is something that people sometimes do for fun. If you ask to limit your hours and have certain times/days off, you'll get heckled for it. Sometimes, you're asked to cover shifts and people get annoyed if you decline. You're asked to find someone to cover your shift if you can't make it in. People get mad at you for being sick or for just wanting to use vacation days.

The pay. The pay is shit. All this for the lowest pay they think they can get away with giving people.

It is... exhausting! Even a simple four-hour shift leaves me feeling like I can't decompress. I have to take things to help me relax after work and to help me tolerate it the next day. Even then, I can't truly get myself to focus on my hobbies or anything. It's also made going to school difficult. It's so hard to think after being worked like that. Or to have the energy to stay on top of things. Also, I've gained weight since working this job. I was... 125 lbs when I started. I got all the way up to 165 lbs in three years and struggled to get down to 157 lbs these past few months. I feel like my stomach can't even digest a lot of food these days. Like, if I eat too much dairy or fruit or something, it feels like it just sits in my stomach for a long ass time until I get cramps and feel bloated. I never used to be like this. I also feel like I have more inflammation in general. And God forbid you have issues happening in your personal life. It makes all of this so much worse! Back when I was in a toxic relationship, I straight up wondered if I was developing b*polar/sch*zophrenia, d*mentia, or c*ncer. The stress was affecting me both physically and mentally THAT MUCH.

I spent three weeks away from my job a few months ago. I actually started feeling like I had some energy. I started feeling human again. It was pretty telling. Before then, I thought I'd finally gotten used to working that job and that maybe it wasn't so bad. Then I came back and was like, "Holy, fuck! This place is shit!" I started putting in job apps like my life depended on it for ANYTHING that wasn't retail or food service. ANYTHING. Even if I was underqualified.

And that's that. I will never do a low-paid customer service job again. If things ever get rough in the job market and I don't have a choice but to return to shitty work... I will literally do the actual SHITTY work of scrubbing toilets before I return to retail. I'm DONE.

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hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong · 4 years ago

Text

Interview

BB: welcome back everyone! So good to see you all here today! We're back for a 3rd time here on BB Channel! Like before we're joined by the lil cuties of Ed and Mari. But this time their parents have come to join!

Rex: hello...

Quetz: Hola!

BB: that wasn't a very strong greeting Rex!

Rex: I'm tired right now. Can't this wait?

BB: time waits for no one and neither does BB!

Mari: already this is super annoying! *sigh* so why'd you decide to bring them into this anyways?

BB: the people who follow this blog need to see how they're doing so long after Chaldea too! You two have had the spotlight for a while, so now you should share.

Ed: I mean... guess that's fair.

Mari: should anyone be dealing with this?

Rex: I'd rather not be here either.

BB: aaaww, don't be like that! This will be fun!

Quetz: that's a very hard sell BB.

BB: just humor me at least.

Rex: ...fine

Quetz: what are we even doing anyways?

BB: some of your interdimensional buds have sent in questions about how you guys are doing, and I'm here to get those answers for them!

Quetz: that actually sounds nice...

BB: what'd I tell ya!?

Rex: yeah yeah, pls get started.

BB: fine. First few are from my precious bombardier beetle! First one she asks: do you have any pets?

Mari: oof! Do we!

Rex: currently we have four dogs: 1 German Shepherd named King, a Pitbull named Sparks, a Dogo Argentino named Duke, and a Corgi named Marshmallow.

Quetz: but also we have a habit of adopting older dogs who aren't likely to get a home because of their age or rescues to give them a nice place to stay.

BB: aaawww, well ain't that wholesome?

Mari: we also have mom's bigass pterosaur!

BB: less wholesome. Next one from my dear yellowjacket: favorite foods?

Rex: PIZZA!

Mari: CAKE!

BB: whoa! Pump the brakes you two! No need to get too excited!

Quetz: ...honestly? I don't really have a favorite food. Just a bunch I like to eat and some I don't. If I had to choose, I'd say chocolate.

Ed: I'm a steak man myself.

BB: 2 sweets, and 2 savories. Next up! Who wakes up earliest?

Rex: Quetz

Ed and Mari: Mom

Quetz: ...I guess it's me... hehehe.

BB: honestly I'm not surprised. She's so damn athletic and even used to be a professional.

BB: next! Where do you all like to go for vacations and such?

Ed: mom and dad have a vacation home in Alaska.

BB: Alaska?! Why?

Mari: when warm weather is the norm for you it's nice to go to the cold to change things up.

Rex: yeah, it's actually very nice. Not too many people and beautiful nature sights.

BB: well to each their own. Another from my dear antlion: how long does it take to pick a movie or TV show to watch?

Quetz: hehehe, we're all so indecisive it takes ages to pick. It's not uncommon for us to give up after taking so long.

BB: you should work on that. This next one's interesting. My precious army ant also suggests a round of common household jobs and the like from each member.

Rex: hmmm

BB: she gave an example of like, who does the cooking?

Quetz: well it's both me and mi amor in that case. The kids aren't very creative.

Ed: hey! We're plenty creative!

Mari: no we're not, don't lie.

Rex: we only really ask that the kids clean their rooms and any messes they make. We handle most everything else.

BB: they should really show some independence tho. Can't coddle them forever.

BB: in the next one, Cadence asks about a house tour and if there's a jacuzzi.

Quetz: a house tour feels like it should be it's own thing.

Rex: yeah, but we do have a jacuzzi dude, so don't worry.

BB: next one's from Reen: she asks what would life be if you weren't in chaldea,

Rex: y'mean like now? I mean... it's a relatively normalish domestic life? With less work tho.

Quetz: si, I've made plenty from my lucha career before retirement we don't have to worry about money much. But mi amof still makes money just in case.

BB: well after that she asks: how was your life before and after meeting each other?

Rex: ...kinda sad. Aside from chaldea and saving the world, I was kinda just... stagnant. Go to work, go home and so on. Not much to my life before then.

Quetz: ...honestly, for me it was the same. After the age of Gods ended we didn't do much of anything. We mostly watched over humanity, I've been summoned in modern day before but that was rare and infrequent.

Rex: ...after I met Quetz tho... I dunno things felt... better? She kinda forced her way into my life after I summoned her and... I was more then ok to accept her... before long we had something beautiful...

Quetz: aww, mi amor! I'm so happy to hear that!

BB: ain't that sweet? Like me and my dear centipede. Final one from Reen: if you could build a dream home then where? (Can be in fantasy)

Rex: I mean... where we are now is good.

Mari: yeah, right at the border of a huge rainforest in the Yucatan sounds fine.

Ed: but what about the fantasy bit?

Quetz: hmmm... we don't really look at fantasy much. But maybe a castle of some kind?

Rex: or a Mayan temple? But with electricity and Wi-Fi.

BB: that's fair. Need those memes in your life. Now some from Kaz! First she asks: what kind of gifts do you give each other?

Rex: uuhh, well I like getting mi corazon custom things. Like some personal clothes, or even a portrait of the two of us.

Quetz: ehehehe, I like to spoil mi amor with extravagant things! Golden treasure and the like!

Mari: concerning...

BB: next, how would you spend the day if it's raining outside?

Rex: I actually enjoy rainy weather, so I like to chill near a window or even on the porch listening to the rain.

Mari: it's very soothing.

BB: how quaint. Last one from Kaz: whose good at cooking and baking?

Quetz: hehehe, that'd be me. Tho it might be considered cheating since I use my goddess power to help.

Mari: well no one else is the greatest normally so it's fine.

BB: a good 'ol better then nothing kinda attitude! Now we're back to Cadence but with more relaxed questions: what's the current house look like?

Rex: ....big.

Mari: like three stories tall with a DEEP basement.

Ed: like... 5 rooms too many.

Quetz: we also have an indoor pool.

Rex: the outside looks almost gothic, but partially taken over by nature.

BB: all this near a rainforest?

Quetz: si! Despite the size, all the nearby trees still tower over it.

BB: nature can get scary. I've seen worse and have been worse but still. Another one: how do family events function? Any specific holidays?

Quetz: ...most family events are just us... going somewhere nice to eat nice food...

Rex: do they mean bringing extended family? My family lives too far to visit often

Quetz: ...and I'd rather not speak of mine... things have gotten rocky as of late.

Mari: right, well for holidays we celebrate most standard one, like Easter and valentine's and such. For October we kinda try to combine Halloween and Day of the dead.

Ed: but Christmas is the most important for us! Mom and Dad always make the biggest celebrations for Christmas!

BB: gotta love the holidays! Especially when your mom is santa... still weird to say that. Next one! Any plans for the future?

Rex: eh... not really? I mean I want to prepare Maria to continue the family magecraft, since Ed has no interest.

Mari: someone has to continue on this lost practice.

BB: good to know it won't be lost to time like we thought. Next one! Daily life?

Rex: I wake up, eat, work on magecraft, spend family time, spend time with Quetz, go to bed.

Quetz: I wake up, workout, eat, workout, spend time with mi familia, lovely time with mi amor and then I sleep.

Ed: I wake up, take a walk, eat, practice soccer, spend family time, sleep.

Mari: sleep, sleep again, dragged to breakfast by mom, eat, eat again, mess with magecraft, eat, sit with everyone else, scroll thru my phone for hours, sleep.

Quetz: *sigh* mija, you need to change your priorities.

Mari: mmmmm... No.

BB: bad habits there Mari. Next they'd like to know if your in contact with anyone from chaldea? Other then me!

Rex: here's a real quick list: Marie, Mash, Kiara, Penth, Astraea, Martha, Ishtar, Gorgon, Jalter, The twins, your kids BB, etc etc.

Quetz: too many to list...

BB: nice you haven't lost contact! Next! About that Wedding?

Rex: well... it was eventful to say the least. Not long after completing the china LB. Most of the servants were invited, and most of Quetz's family showed up.

Quetz: si, Martha officiated it for us. Most of my family were so nice at the time... too bad that hasn't lasted.

Rex: let's not mention that...

BB: it was such a nice wedding! You two were so "nervous" you had trouble with your vows! How adorable!

Mari: why the quotes?

BB: no reason... now we're at the home stretch! Good 'ol Ash has some for stuff that technically hasn't happened yet, but you should still be able to answer! What responsibilities will Rex take on when he joins the pantheon?

Quetz: ...well he'll be largely a guardian of life on earth. Authority over things like the jungle itself, volcanos, and even snow... for some reason.

Rex: well it still snows in mexico... occasionally.

Quetz: and we'll be sharing authority over Venus! I wanted to share it with mi amor!

BB: cute! Hmmm, not sure if you cananswer this one just yet? Adjusting to God hood?

Rex: well I got to try it out a bit. Summoning lava and snow is... interesting. But also... my mind felt... odd... but also clearer? Not sure how to put it...

BB: I'm sure when you get there you'll get it... took me a bit after servant fest. And how did the other divinities react?

BB: actually I have some recordings of that to answer, so play the clip!

A screen appears showing recordings of some servants, one at a time.

Ishtar: eh! She's turning you into a god!? ...I guess you've earned it master...

Eresh: what!? Can you do that?! ...guess I won't see you in Kur... then again I don't think you have any link to Kur anyways.

Kama: do you really think your cut out for it? I mean... if it's just for you two to be together then I guess it's fine.

Astraea: godhood is a very big responsibility master. Are you certain you're up to it? Saving humanity is also a big task but at least that has an end point. This is... eternal.

Qin: oh! So you have decided to go for immortality after all?! Tho not the same as my methods, it is still good to see you two will be happy together!

Scathach: immortality? I've strived for death for so long... to see you go for immortality... Hopefully you'll find happiness, where I couldn't...

The screen turns off.

BB: very interesting! Most seem hesitant of it all... I for one think it's cute! Imagine in a thousand years you guys have a double date with me and my dear stag beetle!

Rex: ...a thousand years...

Quetz: still having trouble processing it all?

Rex: yeah... maybe when I get there... it'll be easier.

BB: now for today's final one! A scenario! One of you two goes berserk! What does the other do to calm them down?

Rex: well that has happened before... usually a nice hug is more then good enough.

Quetz: si! I've almost destroyed a few servants a few times until mi amor caught me in a hug! I can't bring myself to harm him... so I stop!

BB: sounds too easy... but I've seen that before so... I'll let it slide.

BB: well that's all the time we have for now! Hopefully you all are satisfied by the answers! We'll be doing this again, seeya!

Screen cuts out, the show's over.

Questions provided by: @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong @renmeo @kazmetic @grievouslyxorvia

Other tags

@haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong

#fate grand order #quetzalcoatl #wife #rexcoatl #mastersona #rex #bb #maria #eduardo

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natromanxoff · 4 years ago

Text

Here is the interview that has been translated by Google, from the link ‘1′ on this post:

After Freddie Mercury visited Zagreb, it was clear why he was leading two big guys everywhere

By YugoPapir

TODAY, exactly 25 years ago , the great Freddie Mercury passed away , and on that occasion we remember his visit to Zagreb and the interview he gave on that occasion. It was back in 1979 ...

"In a situation of useless concert rock scene (such as at least Belgrade), an interview with one of the world's famous rock stars is a special event. However, although the man is not in a position to choose and has no experience with Jagger, Lennon or Dylan, these conversations are sometimes it comes down to the usual routine of exchanging questions and answers ... Kind me, kind respondent ... I smile, the respondent smiles I ask a question, I know the answer in advance.

Hand on heart, that was exactly what the conversation with the first man of the Queen group was like. Despite the millions of records sold, the sound clearly defined and the status of the stars, the guys from the group do not have a particularly interesting "story" behind them. The only way to do something extraordinary is to try to provoke the interlocutor, but one usually doesn't have the opportunity to do so in such "serially" organized meetings between stars and the press, where a bunch of idle idlers are dragged around without much smarter work in mind.

The press conference was held in "Intercontinental" full of boring luxury and, on this occasion, unusual teams. After a short wait (the stars are always late), the Queen appeared, dressed as employees of an English insurance company on vacation.

After a few moments of doubt, various guys of unknown faces and occupations attacked them. Of course the main victim was Mercury. Honestly, I didn’t expect so many people with tape recorders, notebooks and similar supplies. It is not only clear to me where they will be able to place all this, because I have not seen the results of that journalistic attack anywhere except in "Polet" from an interview done on another occasion.

Maybe it's better not to publish it anywhere because I heard so much nonsense and ignorance in a short time that I felt pity for poor Freddy. Now it is clear to me why he is taking with him two guys, as if removed from the mountain, who were strategically arranged around the front door during the whole press conference.

And finally when the crowd subsided I seized the opportunity to talk to Mercury.

Not particularly tall, black, in a leather jacket and jeans, he looked more like one of the tappers in front of Belgrade cinemas than the world-famous rock old man. Stoic accepted to give an interview for "Jukebox", although over time he approved and became somewhat more exhaustive. I probably bothered him less than the others.

As usual, I started from the beginning ...

"It's a long story. Brian, Roger and I knew each other since we were students. John came later. We had experiences with earlier bands where we played as high school students. When we created Queen we had a clear idea of what we wanted to do and our work today is the evolution of these plans and dreams.We had a very clear guiding star.From the very beginning.

Is it still clear that guiding star after all these successes and millions of records sold?

Why not. The halls where we play are always full, the records are on the charts. Why not?

From the articles we read about you, it could not be said that the critics really like you. What does it look like to be in one of the world’s leading rock bands while at the same time reading how records are being ruthlessly denigrated?

This is the case only with the English press. It could not be said that we live in the best relationship with them. The English today have no choice but to be cynical, which is why the press is like that to us. That’s why you can rarely read our interview at NME or Melody Maker. There is no point in us being a training ground for them. We learned to live with it and, you know, I didn’t care too much about it. Our records sell well. In recent years, a big thing has happened with punk, and we are understood as the total opposite.

One of the main drawbacks is the dependence on technology. Your records are lavishly produced to perfection ...

You can't survive without technology today. Loudspeakers, light instruments and the most ordinary rock band look like an LP&P to a folk group or a symphony orchestra ... Even today they can't survive without technology. Electricity is all around us and you can't avoid it. The production on our records is rich, but I don’t think it’s an end in itself as many want to present. I play a plain piano, John a plain “Fender bass,” only Brian has special “pranks” that I make myself, but that’s not overdone either. The most important thing is that it is all in the service of the idea.

You are all college educated. Do you think that had an impact on this direction of the group. I have noticed that there are prejudices in English newspapers about such groups, in fact about groups that originated from such an environment, starting from “Genesis” onwards?

First of all, we don't have much to do with "Genesis", then such prejudices are the most common nonsense. I don't see any purpose for them. I don't even know that being in college automatically makes us intellectuals.

I have no doubt that you spend a lot of time in the studio preparing the album, that's obvious. You've created some kind of art since filming (interrupts me) ...

We record, than what. That's what everyone does! But we made a style out of it. We do everything in a special way and I think there is imagination. It's specificity, not covering up weaknesses or something like that ... We don't even try to reproduce the sound from our records ... It's hours and hours of work and there are hundreds and hundreds of recorded sections.

The record is one thing, and the concert is quite another. Although some people pass it on to us as a flaw, we are very happy with their gig. It would be a tedious and boring job to always play the same ... At one time we were thinking of introducing assistant musicians to our performances, but I don't think that would work. It is our music and we understand it best. Such a way would only bring us unnecessary problems and obligations.

Can any significant changes in your sound and direction be expected on the next panels. There is a lot of criticism that you got into a certain "gyre" ...

Again about the critics ... we care the least about them! We have created a certain sound, success, image and that is what we are. It is logical for the group to evolve slowly ... It would be stupid to try something radically different ... And that is what the "scribblers" expect to have something to fill the newspaper with. Drastic changes lead nowhere and make no sense. You can't become something else overnight ...

Normally we will change. Whoever has followed our work so far is clear in which direction. This is also evident from our latest albums. There is no longer as much luxury as at "Opera" or "Racing" ... I think that our next albums will develop in that direction.

The group "Queen" is considered to be a very stable formation. No sharper disagreements were heard, and only the drummer had solo outings. Should we expect new solo projects and do they pose a danger to the group?

Although Roger has a lot of experience with solo attempts, I don't see any danger in that for the group "Queen". I think the best we can provide, we provide together. Solo attempts are just a small change of climate and refreshment. There is no special need to try our luck outside the team. When we realize we have nowhere else to go, the group disbands - there are no illusions that it won’t come and we don’t even think about it.

Do you have any information about your audience in Yugoslavia, and does the sale of records in our small market mean anything to you financially?

Well, I've heard from people in our company that we sell a lot of records. Do you see these gold and silver plates we got here? Also, we care that our music is heard all over the world, that everyone listens to it, that's why we perform so much. One should not be blasé ... It is not only important for us to be popular in England, America and Japan ... People are the same everywhere and we like to play for them ... This is just rock'n'roll after all ... "

Interviewed by: Branko Vukojević, filmed by: Dražen Kalenić (Jukebox, 1979)

#queen #queen band #freddie mercury

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