#also i got S on impact finally! which i realized is not actually my first 14+ cause destroyer got rated up

[aibafiles]

guy who suddenly figured out how 2 piano & can play 14s now

[niningtori]

to know him is to love him, and i do | chapter two: he can't keep living like this

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, kang taehyun x you

summary: you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending (?)

word count: 2.3k

notes: hello again :) here is chapter two! i'm actually really nervous to post this, so i hope you all like it! check the ending for more notes <3 also, shout out to user woncheecks for being my test audience! anyway, enjoy!

the first time beomgyu realizes just how impactful your absence is, nothing in particular happens. it's a regular tuesday night a week or so after your "breakup" and he's bored out of his mind. he showers, listens to music, texts his friends and makes himself dinner, but something is missing.

as he sits on his couch, he realizes what it is: you. right about now, you should be pestering him to hang out and showing up on his doorstep to watch a movie. he'd roll his eyes at first but eventually relent, as long as he got to pick the movie, of course. he wouldn't say it, but he'd actually enjoy glancing over and seeing your reactions. you were comically expressive and every twist and turn of the plot had your eyes bulging and mouth agape, turning to him for confirmation that he was seeing the same things you were. when you watched inception for the first time it absolutely rocked your world.

he's alone, but he puts on a movie, anyway. every so often, his head turns to the side with the corner of his mouth raised, but you're not there to give a reaction. he should be used to your absence by the third twist, but he still finds himself subconsciously turning to you throughout the rest of the movie. when the credits roll, he's half expecting to hear you chatter on about how crazy it was, but it's silent. the only time that would happen would be when you'd accidentally drift off in spite of how engrossed you were. you'd try to fight it off like a stubborn kid, but would succumb by the final act. he smiles at the memory before shaking his head in disbelief. what's wrong with him?

moments like these plague him more and more frequently, but the most notable one is the night before his first day at a new job. he briefly talks to his friends about his excitement, but he's too embarrassed to divulge just how anxious he is. times like this, he'd come over and complain for however long he needed. you'd sit and nod, asking questions during his pauses to encourage him to continue, always adding appropriate and thoughtful commentary.

his thoughts wander to how you're doing alone. you really love him, it seems, so he can only imagine how you're faring without him. he wishes you hadn't blocked his number so he could at least ask how you are. maybe you'd even tell him you miss him. not for the first time, he begins to wonder if he pushed you too far this time around. you've gotten angry and given him the silent treatment before, sure, but you've never blocked him and you've certainly never done it for so long.

he looks you up on instagram for the first time since your breakup. he's not terribly surprised when he sees he's blocked on there too, but all it takes is a switch to his photography account, which you had forgotten to block, to see what you're up to now.

the first thing he notices is a picture of you sitting outside with an ice cream cone in hand, face flushed and sun encircling you like an angel. your smile is beaming and your eyes are crinkled and he can almost hear your giggle through the screen. the caption reads "ice cream date with my best friend! <3"

he scrambles through his memories to try to remember a time in recent history when you two did something similar, but he comes up blank. what he does recall, though, is you mentioning a new frozen yogurt place you wanted to visit with him for your birthday. he nodded in response but he knew he wouldn't go with you, opting instead to get shitfaced with his friends. in retrospect, maybe you knew it too. he had checked his phone the next morning and saw he had at least half a dozen missed calls and well over a dozen texts from you. when he finally texted you back, you took almost a full 5 hours to respond, which was uncommon. usually, you'd text back within minutes. it occurred to him later on that that was your version of the silent treatment and it amused him that you could only hold out for a few hours. he honestly found it kind of cute.

he remembers what you did for his birthday. how you had secretly invited his friends over to his apartment to surprise him after an especially shitty day at work. he came home to an elaborately decorated apartment and all of his favorite people greeting him. he remembers how happy you looked when he opened up your present to him, which was the guitar he had always secretly wanted but could never quite justify buying for himself. you were so excited, any spectator would think he had gotten you the gift of your dreams and not the other way around. you were practically buzzing with excitement when he pulled you in for a kiss. his friends had whooped at the display of affection and you had felt your cheeks heat up. what did he get you for your birthday again? anything?

he spends days pondering over this and similar circumstances, which eventually turn into weeks upon weeks. what starts as a nagging feeling that he may have gone too far in his neglect for you becomes pure, unadulterated guilt and anxiety. he recalls just how torn up you seemed the last time he saw you. to be honest, at the time, he was mostly just irritated. but he never thought you'd actually leave. all he can see is that awful look on your face when you finally ended everything and all he can remember is the fact that he put it there. he knows in his heart that he has no right to feel this way, but he feels it all the same.

-

you would have never imagined you'd actually like somebody other than beomgyu, but taehyun makes it as easy as possible given the sticky circumstances. you met at a club your best friend dragged you to, both you and taehyun had to remain sober (hello designated drivers) and ended up having a surprisingly engaging conversation amidst the smell of beer, sweat, and sex. after that, the rest is history.

he can tell you've been hurt before, but he gently coaxes you into opening up as you spend more and more time with him. you're afraid of being overbearing and coming across as a lovesick puppy again, but taehyun is gentle and seems to enjoy your attention and affection, even if he's a surface level tsundere. more than that, he actually reciprocates it.

do you still think about beomgyu? of course. do you miss him? well, you'd never admit it to a single soul, but the way you see him in everything has to be an indicator that you do. it's getting better, though. more bearable.

a month or so into your relationship, you post about taehyun for the first time. you don't know why you're so nervous about announcing to the world that you have a boyfriend again, but happiness overwhelms your fear when you're met with nothing but positivity.

-

beomgyu is shellshocked, to put it mildly. the picture of you and your so-called boyfriend is sickly sweet. it's not over the top or anything—just a candid of you in a café holding hands with him while looking over the same menu. the caption is nothing other than a heart and squirrel emoji (why?) and both he and your best friend are tagged. his finger jumps to the boy's profile and he sees the same photo. he scoffs at the cheesiness of it all, but his heart aches at the way all of your friends have commented on the post expressing their happiness for you. they had never approved of him for reasons he's only now beginning to understand.

you always defended him in front of your friends no matter what he did or didn't do. you'd "comfort" him after your friends said something snarky and explain that they just didn't understand him. you'd say that if they knew the real him, they'd see him differently. at the time, he'd scoff and say something along the lines of "i don't need for them to see me differently because i couldn't give less of a fuck about what they think." you'd be hurt, of course you would be, but you'd never say so.

more and more, like an outsider looking in, he can see just how awful he was to you. it's to his horror that he realizes this must be the case for you, too. the chances of you getting back together with him seem slimmer and slimmer, especially now that you've got that pretty boy on your arm. your words echo in his mind as if to haunt him: "what can i do to make you give a fuck about me?" leave, apparently, and don't look back.

he can't keep living like this.

-

a knock on your door is all it takes to ruin your night — you had actually had a really good day up until now. you and taehyun had gone on a breakfast date and napped together until he had to leave in the afternoon, so you're humming now in contentment while applying your nightly skincare, thinking relentlessly about the boy you think you might be starting to love. it feels different from the love you felt for beomgyu, but in a good way. you still think about him and wonder how he's doing, but you always derail that train of thought with a god-given force previously unknown to you. he doesn't care about you, you chant to yourself. it's almost like your daily mantra. in the midst of your thoughts, you hear a knock on the door. you smile widely when you surmise that it's probably taehyun again. you don't realize just how big your grin is until it drops.

standing before you is not your lovely boyfriend, but the man who made you question whether or not you were even lovable in the first place. he has a small smile on his face, and if you were to look a little more carefully, you'd notice that he actually seems a little nervous.

"hi," he says, breaking the silence. his heart was racing a mile a minute. potential scenarios battered his mind the entire way here. what would you do when you saw him? smile? he could handle that. cry? he could also handle that, even if he didn't want to see your tears. what he is not prepared for is the blankness of your features when you ask: "what are you doing here?"

his smile falters almost imperceptibly.

"i, uh. i just wanted to see you." you're merciful enough to give him a nod of encouragement to continue. "a-and i wanted to tell you that i haven't stopped thinking about you for the past few months. and that i think i'm finally ready to be with you," he finishes with a shaky breath.

you're quiet for a moment and squint your eyes as if you're deep in thought.

"but i thought you were dating someone now? your ex?"

"i'm not!" he says almost a little too quickly.

"i heard you were," you counter, not quite believing him. you heard he had been seeing his ex from one of your friends who happened to live in her apartment complex. she had seen his car in the parking lot a few times in the last couple of weeks and had no reason to lie to you.

"w-well, i've seen her a few times, but not seriously. i — to be honest, i was just trying to get over you. but i've finally realized that i can't becau—"

"so, just to make sure i understand, you're not over me so you're seeing her?" his eyes widen in shock before his head hangs in shame as he realizes exactly what he's done and how he must look to you right about now, but you're not finished. "isn't that what you were doing with me?" your voice is low and indifferent, but each word feels tailor-made to slash at his heart. "wow, i guess some things really never change, but don't worry, i'm sure once she moves on you'll finally see the good in her instead of me," you spit out.

"can you listen to me? please?" beomgyu is so ashamed he wants to die. he fumbles for the right words, but when he accidentally makes eye contact with you, they die on his lips. he wishes you would give him time to process what you were saying and mull over what to respond with because you always knew he was bad with words, but he supposes he lost the right to your patience a long time ago.

"you want me to listen to you so you can fuck with my head until the next person rolls around?" the latter words are strangled by the tightness in your throat and he can't help but wince. when he thinks it's over, you continue.

"nobody has ever made me feel as small as you have. i hated myself because of you," your lip trembles and before he can say a word, you're raising your hand to shut the door.

"wait, wait, wait! just let me say this," he pleads as he gently grasps the doorframe. "i... i love you." he almost thinks he hears you gasp, but he's too busy looking into your unreadable eyes to know for sure. he had never said anything like this to you before. you're completely silent for a few moments before breaking the tense atmosphere.

"j-jesus, i mean, i guess i just don't know what to say," you sputter and his eyes alight with what looks suspiciously like hope. "except maybe that... i'm sorry you feel that way?" you finish with a sardonic smile and a roll of your eyes. before he can respond, which he actually intends to do this time around, you slam the door in his face.

notes pt. 2: yeah... sorry ;-; i know this was a lot of background, but i felt it was necessary. also, if you didn't get the memo, there will be a part 3. stay tuned <3

[fairytale-poll]

SEMIFINAL ROUND, MATCH 1 OUT OF 2!

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Mofurun as “Mofurella”

listen. they do an episode where they’re all sucked into Cinderella and they make the trans teddy bear Cinderella. Incredible story writing, 10/10, no notes.

Mofurdella is even plot relevant, that episode is how they get the Rainbow Carriage for their group attack anyway MOFURDELLA FIRST CINDERELLA PRECURE EPISODE TO GET ONE MOFURILLION VOTES

Ella of Frell:

She’s had a “gift” of obedience placed on her, and her quest is to figure out how to get rid of it. I love her

he’s under a curse that makes her obey any order given to her. She met her Prince Charming (Char) when they kids, and they became friends. Her stepsisters found out about her curse while they were at boarding school, and because of that (and some things they made her do) she ran away to try and find the fairy that cursed her. When she does, the fairy says that she doesn’t do magic anymore, because she realized her gifts were actually curses, and refuses to remove it. Ella goes back, and is eventually demoted from “lord’s daughter” to “maid”. She still writes letters to Char (currently in a foreign kingdom, but before that, when he came to try and talk to her, her sister forbid her from leaving her room so she would have all his attention), but eventually stops and even writes a fake letter from her sister to convince him that she never cared/doesn’t care about him, because she realized it would be too dangerous for them to be together; with her curse, she could easily be made to hurt or kill him. Flash forward, and Char returns home. The king throws balls, and she goes, because even if she can’t be with or let him know who she is, she just wants to see him again. Char is drawn to her, and for a lot of the three balls, they’re together. At the end, her stepsister gets jealous, and right as Char proposes (because Ella, despite having to lie about her identity, is the most honest person at the ball and a friend already), she grabs her mask, revealing her identity. Char reaches her home before she can leave, and there’s a whole scene where he finds out she’s a scullery maid, that the letter was a lie, and says that she doesn’t have to be Ella if she doesn’t want to be, and she says she’s not, and he asks if she loves him, and she does– and then it’s all ruined because he accidentally orders her to marry him, and then her stepmother tells her to, and all the while she’s fighting the curse, because she doesn’t want to endanger him and their nation, and doesn’t want her step family to be rich and powerful, and finally– she says no. She gets so excited to say no, to refuse, that she didn’t even fully realize she broke the curse until Mandy (her fairy godmother) tells her. Anyway, they all lived happily ever after. Ella is one of my favorite Cinderellas ever and I really hope I did a good job of explaining her and what her story is about (it’s been a while since I’ve read the book)

I was so enraptured with this book as a kid, it had such an impact on my young mind. Got me into fantasy.

BEST CINDERELLA!!! please use the picture from the book cover and not the movie 🙏

She breaks her curse spell in such a magnificent way. Like yes she embodies the whole “kindness” and “courageous” characteristics that Cinderellas are known for, but for her she’s been forced to be obedient as well. And while she thinks can rise above anything she soon learns she will just hurt so many more people that way. She chose to be self-sacrificing because it was the one way she could express her love that wouldn’t harm anyone (then). But! But! She also ends up getting to be selfish! And that is also a great kindness! To herself and to those whom love her and she loves in return.  All that after she breaks the curse.

She can mimic languages. :) She refused to marry the love of her life and thus broke her curse. :) She fell in love via letters. :) She lied to the royal family that orange carriages are very popular in a nearby city.

brave, smart, a linguist, a nerd, she evolves steadily and beautifully throughout the book, with a sharp voice that never stops being distinctive and fun to hang with.

complex character coool as fuck premise and also. the nostalgia of it all

[revletter]

How does Geno sleep?

GASP. An inbox ask about something I already can't shut up about? AND an excuse to glow-up some more old art?! 🤩

In my headcanon:

Badassery notwithstanding, Geno often just sleeps like a sweet little doll. It feels natural and comfortable - after all, long before he ever borrowed it, it spent almost every night sitting like this.

Also, lying down felt a bit too vulnerable for a while. Especially at the beginning of his adventure. In fact, he got a TERRIBLE first impression of anything resembling unconsciousness - so terrible that for his entire first week on the planet, he didn't sleep at all.

And then he discovered sleep is actually… lovely.

Here's a little bullet point story about that! 😊 [oops, it actually got pretty long, haha... hope you enjoy it!]

Geno Versus Sleep

During that first big fight, Bowyer sent a wall of electricity crashing toward ♡♪!? and the two people who had shown up out of the blue to fight by his side. Before it even hit, he knew it would be too much. He heard Mario's shout, Bowyer's mocking laugh, then dimly felt the impact of his borrowed form against the ground.

The next instant, he found himself alone in a blank, dark, starless void. This was new. And… not good. ♡♪!?'s mind was still very much aware, but he couldn't see, hear, feel, perceive anything. All he knew was that he was still in the doll's body.

Then a harrowing realization dawned on him. With almost all of his magic tethered to a body that wasn't working, he didn't have enough left to escape it…

[Continued under the cut]

Seconds later, there came a feeling almost as jarring: a sudden, wild, violent propulsion back into his senses. The first sense to return was a gaggingly sour taste. Then the unmistakable pain of his injuries knitting back together. Then a voice saying "Good morning! You okay?" - then the blurry sight of Mallow's face. Geno was just as disoriented as he had been when he'd first commandeered the doll.

He quickly learned this feeling was a Pick-Me-Up.

Cool.

He inwardly decided to avoid all of that mess involved in being less than conscious - at least when he had a choice in it.

His first full night on the planet, he kept watch all night long. And the second, and the third. Mario and Mallow became increasingly concerned, which Geno only found endearing. Patiently, repeatedly, he put them at ease about his lack of need for sleep.

(He did not mention any other reasons he might be avoiding it. These people had saved him and his mission; no way was he going to get picky about their methods. Besides, even the child could clearly handle these things without complaint. He resolved to do the same.)

He did, however, often feel a specific exhaustion: being low on magic left him dim inside, almost too depleted to maintain his hard-won motor control over his feet and fingers. On any normal day, the Star Road would restore him directly and abundantly, but now he felt this exhaustion more than he ever had. And it was work and expense to use physical consumables to keep himself going.

When he mentioned this inner conflict in passing - masked as appreciation for how much they spent on him - he was quite surprised to learn that for Mario and Mallow, sleep restored their magic. Intriguing.

Resolving to try and save his friends some resources, he finally decided to give sleep a shot on purpose.

Mario and Mallow were both amused to see Geno flop to the floor between their beds like a toy. After several days of watching the serious, otherworldly warrior wreck things ten times his size on the battlefield, it was easy to forget that part - but his limp doll slump against the wall was a clear reminder that his form was still every bit the silly oversized plaything.

"You sure you don't want to lie down?" asked Mallow.

"It's alright. I don't think it makes a difference to this body," said Geno. "Besides… if something happens, I can be on my feet faster."

In his own bed, Mario rolled onto his side toward him and offered a reassuring smile. "If anything happens, we're right here. We'll be in it together."

They turned out the lamp, and Geno tried to relax. He could do this. Piece of cake. He'd been here a week; he'd been able to tolerate feeling trapped in an unconscious body several times. If he had to face that for several hours in one go… well, he'd experienced worse things.

Hadn't he?

What? Yes, of course he had. Stars, what a silly thought. People down here did this every night. Surely he was blowing this way out of proportion. Surely it couldn't possibly be such a -

Geno felt something fluffy brush against him. It was Mallow's hand, wrapping around his. "S'gonna be okay," the kid said, sounding already half in a dream.

Of course. Mallow seemed to have a sixth sense for these things. Geno chuckled softly into the dark, feeling equal parts sheepish and glad for a friend like this. "That's what I'm here to make sure of, my little friend," he redirected anyway, but Mallow was already asleep.

On his other side, he heard his other friend shift. Mario looked quite awake, the shine of his eyes just visible in the starlight through the window. Mario didn't always pick up on Mallow's reactions and what they meant. Had he this time?

Confirming his suspicions, Mario quietly slipped out of his bed and sat next to Geno on the floor.

"Let me guess," Mario whispered conspiratorially, "where you're from, there's always someone alert and guarding, yeah?"

"Yeah," Geno whispered back. "It's what I do."

"Well, who does it for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Up there, who guards you when you need it?"

Geno was quiet. Mario clearly didn't know his real source of trepidation, but… he'd never specifically considered this question. His unspoken answer was, of course, 'Still me.'

Mario seemed to take his silence as an answer. "Hey, you know what? I'll sit watch tonight."

Geno blinked. "Mario, you really don't have to do that."

"I'm gonna."

"But... you need nightly sleep."

Mario leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "Wanna know how little rest I got when it was just'a me and Mallow? And how much I've gotten for the past week with another actual adult around? It's like having my brother here, but you actually stay awake all night, like - I dunno, almost like you're some kinda star watching over us or something."

Mario's eyes were glistening with humor in the dark. Geno couldn't help a soft chuckle in return, and stopped trying to dissuade his determined friend from his new side mission.

"I can handle one all-nighter. Get some rest… stella dalla testa dura," Mario added under his breath as he got up, a good-natured tease he probably didn't realize Geno understood just fine.

Nice projection there, hard-headed human, Geno thought with affection as his friend sat in the same chair he would have chosen himself, the one next to the window and in full view of the door. He knew it was far from the first time Mario had done any of this… including the unnecessary and probably futile gesture of support at his own expense.

But he was surprised at how much it helped.

Before he even asked it to again, Geno felt his body relax. His eyes drifted closed; his head and shoulders drooped more deeply. The ever-present restlessness in his feet and fingers departed as he realized that, for tonight, he could at least withdraw from the most complicated joints and actually give himself a bit of a break.

Through the wood of his eyelids and chest, ♡♪!? could still see a dreamy, unfocused version of the room. He still had all of his senses. He could still feel Mallow's fluffy hand. The little guy had pulled Geno's entire forearm close to him in his sleep, as if his arm were a doll itself.

Some time later, he heard Mario softly snoring. Geno noticed that he was slumped backward in his chair, his neck at an angle even he recognized as uncomfortable. He sorted himself back into his body. As he got up, Mallow made a little sound and clutched his arm more tightly; Geno carefully detached it at the elbow.

By this point he knew that, if woken, Mario would only be embarrassed and more doggedly committed to staying awake. So instead, he tucked a pillow behind his friend's head, and covered him with his bed's left-behind blanket. Then he quietly sank to the floor next to Mallow again, plugging his arm back into his socket so the little guy wouldn't get a scare when he next awoke.

He relaxed his head and limbs again, letting the sounds of his sleeping companions soothe him, until… finally… he felt it. The magic of this world, barely perceptible. It was always there in the living things, the trees and flowers and mushrooms and people, so strong in his friends, and now it was slowly suffusing every part of him that he'd allowed to relax.

He knew that at its deepest root it was the same old, deep source of magic as that of the stars. But down here it was slower, gentler; less of a fiery focused precision, more of a flowing peace just out of sight.

Feeling at ease at last, he surrendered control, for the first time head to toe, purposefully, completely. The gentle flow of magic coursed like water through his cooling chest… pleasantly ran through the starlight fringe of his spirit like a caring hand through hair.

What a gift of an experience sleep is... he thought contentedly. Yes, I think I'll be able to handle this indeed.

Bonus headcanons:

With his action figure joints, Geno can technically lock his knees and sleep standing up like some kind of weird horse. He doesn't, though. That would freak people out.

At some point in their adventure, Geno somehow acquires the ability to snore. It sounds like creaking. Because it IS creaking. Geno somehow cannot hear himself do this, and genuinely thinks they're all making a joke he doesn't quite get. Finally, Mario, with his assortment of handyman skills that include carpentry, does the rest of the party a favor and gets some graphite and wax into Old Man Geno's joints.

The first time Princess Peach uses star magic (Come Back) to revive Geno, he's absolutely awestruck. He wonders if she has the slightest idea how much sheer potential she has. Here's a big long headcanon of mine about that, with some art!

[lingeringscars]

top 5 yj pairings or top 5 canon characters 👀

top 5 yj pairings is becoming ships because @itchose is evil and made me choose dynamics so see here for that.

shauna/tai. they have an intimacy that will never be recreated by anyone ever. they understand each other better than anyone. betrayals by the other feel personal even if they aren't totally. they love each other, they hate each other, they can't live without each other. they're in love and they are not. they're everything.

mari/akilah. they've been gfs from the start. they went from not really knowing each other to clinging to each other. akilah becoming the most important person to mari, the one she can be the most vulnerable around, the one that she trusts the most. mari letting akilah cheat at choosing cards (and akilah deciding against it) because she's her person.

tai/van. they fascinate me sooo much. a casual hookup turned serious that could never be maintained once they leave the wilderness. the conflict in their views and the way tai shoots her down and van learns to speak up. the love that is this common thread between them even when that happens.

lottie/laura lee. laura lee as the only person to actually talk to lottie and make her feel heard and validated. no one in her life has ever done that, and in the wilderness she's probably overheard people talking about how weird she is acting and how she lost it and she's gone crazy, which isn't great when looking at her dad! but laura lee supported her and trusted her and had this long-lasting forever kind of impact on her.

shauna/nat. who am i if i don't force them to be included. they are real to me. they meet in person for the first time and it reeks of jealousy and love gone bad. i am entirely convinced they had an affair idc. they talk shit about each other. they love each other. shauna is jealous of nat, shauna loves nat, nat loves shauna. they cry over each other. shauna nurses nat back to warmth. nat begs and begs for people to help shauna. the hunter & the butcher. they are everything. i love reminding people that when nat picked the queen card we see shauna's reaction <3 it's not just because of what comes next <3 she's second because she's second to travis in this essay i---- they are real to me <3

bonus: shaunajackie. they compel me. they live in my mind. they're in love with each other. they're part of each other. the only reason they were bumped from this list is because they would never act on any of it. also honorable mentions go to: gen/melissa, jackie/nat, & lottie/nat. i also feel like i need to put travis/nat here because they are so deeply connected and influence each other in everything.

i immediately thought this was top 5 yj canon chars and then realized it could be 5 canon in general so you're getting both dohgs

yj:

mari

nat

tai

van

shauna

bonus: akilah, travis

canon in general:

christian ozera (vampire academy). tiffany told me to read this series and thought i'd attach to other people and then i came away with him and have been with him for 9 years now. he's my number 1 forever, really. snarky, lonely, caring, pushy, loyal love of mine.

bellamy blake (the 100). another long timer. been writing him since the season 2 finale in 2015. i've been with him through the trenches. he is a part of me at this point

layla keating (all american). i added her during or at the end of season 2 or maybe at the end of s1 it's hard to remember now and it was mostly for olivia/layla w/ cj reasons but the more we got of her, the quicker she became an actual and instant fave. her depression arc(s) is one of my favorites of all time, and it's handled really well imo. she's so complex and layered and fascinating, and i will defend and love her forever

spencer hastings (pretty little liars). at this point she is also a part of me. i don't even know if i can list the reasons why she's in my top 5, especially when all the pll girls are so important to me, but this show and char are a piece of me.

daisy johnson (agents of shield). while i think mari is making her way into All Time Favorite Chars territory, i need to go with another that I always come back to (and the one on this list that I Do Not Write). daisy's story is just so important to me. she finds a home, a place, a family, and a people. she finds a purpose. she finds love. despite everything she goes through and went through, she has so much heart. she fights for what she believes in, she hates herself despite being the best person ever, she shines like the sun and kicks ass like no other. she's a hacker with a heart of gold. she's everything to me.

ask me my top 5 anything // always accepting

[hottakehoulihan]

This week was M*A*S*H week.

I have the box set. There are eleven seasons and two movies. As I understand it, first someone published a book (I haven't read it) about what they then no-doubt spelled as "high-jinks" at a Mobile Army Surgery Hospital during the Korean War. The first M*A*S*H movie was based on the book, I think, and leaned into laffs about drinking and sex. Honestly, I had an okay time, even despite things I consider to be sexual assault, and a non-hateful use of the N-word and a few other problematic racial and gender things. The movie dates from 1970 and is about 1950.

Also, I love the theme song. The song was authored by a teen, allegedly, on behalf of teen's dad (who claims over and over that it's a hilariously silly song. I think he doth protest too much. It's got pith to it. Also I'm basing this off of half-remembered Wikipedia but I'm not risking opening that website right now I have things to do)

Anyway that's it for the initial movie; goofy and unkind-in-a-standard-way, but designed to make you feel like you're one of the people doing the laughing and that the victims are acceptable targets. I zoned out a bit during a football game in which some nonconsensual doping of opponents may or may not have occurred. I still love the recreation of "The Last Supper" and want to make a desktop wallpaper of it. Not bad. I had some wine with it, which helped.

The TV series has eleven seasons. I watched some of the final season and will, as time permits, watch more of other episodes on a whim, but for all that I've got this username I am affectionate towards the show in the same way I am affectionate towards raccoons; I have the love, but almost always at a distance. But yeah; pleasant stuff. Sometimes a bit blunt, but we're dealing with a show that started before Dragnet was a thing (probably), and it was good for its day. I cried at least twice.

The TV show was a lot more serious and--in the words of some people who are usually not folk I want as friends--preachy. Unlike most things I've seen on the telly, it was consistently an improvement on silence and meditation. Sincerely, I mean that as praise. Even at its most formula, it was good formula, IMHO.

The final movie is the point of what I was pursuing this project though. I've got at least one beloved mutual(tm) as a fan, and between that and also realizing the final episode/movie of MASH was super famous in early TV-watching history as the most-watched episode of all time multiple years running? And my somewhat retro username? I felt silly for not having seen it yet.

My vapid verdict? It's good. I was expecting a great deal and still I was surprised. There are elements that have been cribbed from it (and it's possible it cribbed from earlier art but I have no reason to think so) in later works; one of the most heartwrenching overheard conversations from the Mass Effect games, I think, borrows from the movie. I feel like they managed to cram, into whatever the run time was, three times the content and impact that they'd have accomplished if they broke it up into episode-length segments. Anyway, tears and stuff, and the damned guys need to hug more and they'd better have kept in touch.

I endorse watching the movie if you haven't seen it. If you've never watched any of the show (it was one of the few things available to me during a somewhat-controlled childhood in which I was often supposed to have zero TV or internet or video games) I actually think it would be worth your time to watch a random selection of episodes.

tl;dr: The final episode movie of MASH = worth watching a few MASH episodes to warm up for prior to watching it, then watching it, and then maybe having a bit of a break.

[surviveds]

okay. tommy posting! a masterpost of introductory hcs for my portrayal. i might expand on specific points in different posts because i have a lot of thoughts and feelings.

first and foremost: tommy is closer to 50 than 40. lou is 39 but it doesn't make sense with the canon they've provided in s7 for tommy to be the same age, because if he was, that'd mean he was ~19 in '05 during chim begins and that's just not possible with him also having served (he's clearly not a probie and it seems like he's been at the 118 for years at that point). i'm putting him at maybe 45 or 46.

i do take a lot of inspiration from what lou has had to say about him. he's an only child of shitty parents who didn't really want to be parents, and that had a profound impact on him.

his dad was a miserable man and mediocre cop who felt bad about being mediocre and took it out on his wife and son.

tommy actually did fairly well in school, hoping it'd help assist in his plan of Getting Out, but things really didn't go his way on the college front and he felt trapped, which is what led him to enlisting.

and for the most part, he operated fairly well in the military. it was good to have order. and he was already accustomed to being treated terribly - but it was a little different because at least it wasn't his dad. he did his job and kept to himself, at least for a while, until he started a 'relationship' with another soldier. it was toxic and pretty terrible, overshadowed by DADT, and it ended pretty brutally. tommy had already become pretty disillusioned to the army by the point it ended, but it was another major factor in him getting out the first chance he got.

when he was discharged, he didn't even bother going home. he went to LA, choosing it as his new city because it felt very safe due to its size. it felt like a place that'd be easy to disappear and be just another guy.

he didn't immediately jump to a career with the LAFD. he had a few months of trying to figure his shit out, contemplating if he should finally try to go to college - but it was scary to think about so he ended up dropping the idea. he went through some basic jobs before applying to LAPD impulsively. army to police felt like a natural transition, and he thought maybe it would be a way to actually 'serve' his country, because being overseas doing shitty things for people who wouldn't give him good reasons hardly felt like 'service.' and he did make it through training, got a beat - but he realized pretty quickly that being a cop also wasn't for him. he stuck with it for a few months, though, because he was terrified of feeling lost and at least it was something and he did get to help people, sometimes. because he realized he did like helping people - and when, on one shift, he assisted some firefighters in helping rescue some kids from a wrecked car, and suddenly, a lot of things clicked for him. he turned in his badge and applied to the fire department a week later.

being in the army and then a cop means he wasn't surprised by the culture at the 118. he knew how to blend in well by that point. he knew what part to play to survive. and he does feel really bad about it. he worked hard to make peace with hen and chimney, and they're two people who are incredibly important to him - hen, because she was formative in helping him understand that he can be himself, and chimney because of course he wouldn't be alive without him.

(i also want to point out that i believe he briefly had a crush on chimney. but with all of the repression going on he refused to really recognize it. it did slightly contribute to him not wanting to be around chimney at first, though.)

tommy first acknowledged to himself that he was gay just before he put in for a transfer. of course he understood he was attracted to men long before that point; he'd had secret flings - not just the one in the military - but he'd still tried to be with women. he wanted to believe he was bisexual for a long time and that he could just 'suppress one side of it', but it didn't work. when he accepted he was gay, he put in for a transfer because he felt it'd be easier to start over at a new house. it was a very tough decision, because hen and howie had become family, and he had started to form a relationship with bobby... but he knew this was what he needed to be himself. he didn't have some big announcement about his identity like hen did when he transferred, but he didn't make efforts to hide it, either.

buck is the first firefighter he's dated, though. his prior relationships post-coming out were all with civilians - a few of which, yes, originated from meeting on calls. after the third time, though, he really felt it was a bad idea to continue that pattern. for him, personally, it felt like almost like a power imbalance, and he hated constantly wondering if the guys he was seeing just felt indebted.

he kept up with the 118 even after leaving - mostly because it's hard not to, with how often they make the news, but also because he genuinely does care about a lot of the people there. he reached out to chim after the car accident and the stabbing, and to hen after her accident.

[smash-64]

2023 Game of the Year Countdown #9 Pokemon Scarlet Nintendo Switch, 2023

I am slightly reluctant to rate this game as highly as I do, but I realized something important: that reluctance is firmly aimed at the executives that rushed this game to market, not those who worked hard to make the game what it is. So let me get to what succeeds and what fails about this game, and wow do I have a lot to say. Let’s start with the bad.

We all know how poorly this game runs. Animations of characters, Pokemon, and the environment beyond the area immediately surrounding you runs at single digit frames per second. It’s actually shocking to see something like this on a modern console, especially when nothing appears to be overloading the game from a graphics standpoint. I’ve seen claims that the game is constantly animating an entire globe of ocean, even when you’re nowhere near the water, nor able to see it, which would obviously slow down the game. But it also is baffling because what could possibly be the point of that? As someone who doesn’t really care about graphics or FPS, you really have to screw things up for me to take notice and have an issue with it. But it’s egregious and unavoidable. You’ll run into issues within the first 20 minutes of playing the game.

While it’s nice to finally have an open world in Pokemon, the cities and towns suffer massively from being literal facades. We don’t need to be able to go inside every single building, but there are almost zero buildings you can actually enter at all. Shops are just menus. Most buildings are just for looks. It makes the towns and cities feel empty and pointless, with little character or substance. Sure, some have interesting colors or designs, but there’s often just nothing to do in any of them. That’s not to say that the old games were the epitome of perfection; Viridian City has very little to do, for example. But, there’s something to be said for having a few houses with NPCs or something. Most NPCs just have generic lines or you can’t even talk to them at all.

Speaking of NPCs, the trainers spread throughout the land feel really weird. It’s like someone literally placed them at random. I stumbled upon some of them in the middle of nowhere. It would have been nice to see them clustered around natural formations or crossroads. There also aren’t very many of them. I found myself forgetting that other trainers even existed at times. 

One very odd thing about Scarlet is that you can’t re-challenge the Elite Four once you’ve beaten them. This seems supremely odd, as you’ve always been able to challenge them again. Usually, they even have improved teams. There is no Battle Tower, either. Instead, you do get a fairly fun Academy Ace Tournament, but it feels lacking when you look at what else there could have been. It would have been nice to have something akin to Pokemon Stadium, with multiple Cups representing a sort of progression of skill. Another missed opportunity.

My last gripe is something I’ve been disappointed with for many years and multiple generations: battle gimmicks. First it was Mega Evolution, then Dynamaxing, and now Terastallization. Z Moves I was actually okay with because it felt like finally having a game version of when Ash tells Pikachu to like…do a backflip while using Iron Tail for extra damage or something. You can also only do it once per battle, so it felt quite a bit less impactful. The rest are all really dumb, in my opinion. They make the entire metagame focus on the new gimmick that won’t stick around and shifts focus from just the actual Pokemon and their moves and type advantages and Idk just…regular battling. I’ve been so annoyed with these gimmicks and constantly let down each and every time we get a new generation because they’re obsessed with this nonsense.

Ok, that’s about the end of my complaints. I got a bit ranty on that last one! I do enjoy quite a few things about this game, however.

As some know, I speak Spanish and lived in Spain for a short time while in college. It was a highlight of my life and my friends will never hear the end of stories that start with “when I was in Spain.” So to have a region based on Spain was something that hyped me up so much for this game. 

I really appreciate the art direction and design of the region of Paldea. The eye-catching mosaics found throughout the region reflect things like Gaudi’s benches in Barcelona, and are bright in color. Buildings often share similar architecture to real buildings and cities in Spain, with the most prominent being the Sagrada Familia and the Pokemon Academy, but many others are also apparent, if not specifically, than in general style. I really loved walking the streets of the different towns because many reminded me of my time in Spain. Windmills are all over one mountain, designed to resemble those from Don Quijote, but also reminded me of a few clusters of modern windmills found on a chain of mountains on the highway near Burgos. It’s clear the designers did a lot of homework.

Beyond just the architecture, the geography of Paldea was also very reminiscent of Spain, especially the areas around Cortondo. I spent most of my leisure time in the game in and around this town. The olive groves, high sun overhead, the bounding Mareeps, and slowly floating Hoppips in the area are essentially my Pokemon heaven. Give me some queso manchego and a good tempranillo and I’d never leave. 

It’s moments like these that remind me of the good parts of the game. The Hoppip that float leisurely by, and the fluffy little Mareep that get curious about you, coming close to inspect you and then lightly bouncing around you are just two examples of the sort of life that the animators and artists breathed into Paldea and I think it would be rude to ignore them. Pokemon has always been about the moments we create and the importance we derive from those moments. For some, it’s surviving with 1 HP in a key gym battle. For others, it’s catching a shiny with the last Poke Ball. For me, it has become just enjoying the scenery with my favorite Pokemon. 

Character designs are also a high point, and one of the things Pokemon has consistently delivered on. We’ve had fantastic designs for a long time, even when the overall games themselves might be a bit lackluster. Caty, being a bug type gym leader, has hair that resembles spun silk. Levincia is as annoying as you’d expect from a high-energy streamer. I just like seeing so many unique characters in games, and they all stand out in their own ways. The Pokemon are also generally well designed this generation, something that I don’t often say. We finally get a dolphin Pokemon, and then they screw it up by making it a lame superhero, but that’s one of the few I actively dislike. Smoliv is great and I would die for Lechonk. 

Area Zero is a really fun postgame adventure, although it’s a bit short. I like how the music adds a bit of wonder and mystery to it all, and the addition of tons of high level Pokemon reminds me a bit of Cerulean Cave from Kanto. I was also partial to the fact that the first group of Pokemon I encountered asked me for a Pepsi.

The sound design is another success of the game, with plenty of solid music throughout. I especially enjoyed Nemona’s themes and the Pokemon Ace Academy theme is quite possibly the greatest and most fitting battle tune in the history of Pokemon. I once called Marnie’s theme my favorite, but this might rival it. I can’t think of a better example of combining big battle pressure with big friendly competition. It has high energy, but also feels grand in scale without heaping pressure on you like other great battle tunes do. Can’t say I’m a big fan of Ed Sheeran, though.

Overall, I enjoyed my time with Scarlet, perhaps leaning a bit heavily on the Spanish inspiration and my own nostalgia to reach that conclusion. But, I also desperately wish that Pokemon would just slow it down. Release a game that works and feels complete, but that doesn’t burn your employees out. We typically see 6-7 years between Zelda titles, but Pokemon has been on a 2-3 year schedule for quite a while now.

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

Danzo - 12, 23, 50 for the character ask? 😊

My beautiful doll ❤️

For favorite character asks

12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

I wish I did have any practice with writing cause I’d want to write about her time in Shimousa directly after being repaired by Limbo, and explore her inner thoughts as he intentionally gives her orders intended to hurt her as much as he can, and messes around inside her head. Her telling herself she’s just a doll meant to be used by him but actually being bothered by his actions.

I’d also like to rewrite the middle/end of the Heian-kyo chapter to be focused on her like it should have been, and I’d definitely include a noncon scene with Limbo’s bugs cause I can’t believe they didn’t take advantage of those. It would be so easy to make it a proper conclusion to her arc and her breaking free of his control and fully coming to accept her humanity (cause she still tends to dismiss her own feelings as inconsequential cause she’s a puppet)

And the other I’ve discussed before is a scenario after she’s summoned to Chaldea where she breaks down and Limbo is the only one with the specialized knowledge required to repair her so she’s left with no choice but to let him mess with her body again

23. Has this character permanently altered or impacted your psyche in a way you won’t forget?

I’ve known her less than a year and already I think the big impact she’s had on me is she got me to fully realize just how much I love dolls? Danzou was the final push I needed to get a bjd and I’m even having my first one look like her ❤️

50. Link your fav song, playlist, aesthetic board, fan-fiction, reference pile, personal artwork, analysis post, meme, headcanon, or quote for this character. Whichever one (s) you are most comfortable with!

For fics- rhysgore's "dutch wife" (its the sole english LimDan fic and REALLY GOOD, its Danzou pov and 2nd person which I don't see much, but i find it adds to the creepiness. I love their descriptions of how her doll body works as well as her thoughts)

綻ぶ蝕甚 by 遠野ラーテル I don't know who else can actually read this one, but i can't not list it cause I constantly think about it. Great Danzou character study focused on her relationship with Limbo, the first half being in Shimousa where she's obedient but finds herself dwelling on things like the girl he mutilated for parts to use in her. And the second half is her Servant self summoned to Chaldea being haunted in daydreams by him without fully being able to remember, in contrast to the first half she's much more openly distressed. Sfw but dripping in eroticism, and they capture this very distinct unsettling atmosphere between them, and don't hold back when it comes to his cruelty and Weirdness about her.

It has a lot of great imagery too, this is a piece i did of her based on it

Okay i gotta share other great art of her like THIS that i commissioned from a friend who draws excellent gore and I adore her expression so much ❤️❤️❤️

This comic on pixiv (summary cause its in JP- after being summoned to Chaldea, Douman confesses to having all his memories from before, and Danzou confronts him, demanding to know what he's plotting, saying she does not trust him. He claims he's not and mocks her for not warning her son (who he directly threatened in her interlude) and the master of chaldea if she believes he's such a threat.)

And this piece which i think is one of the first i saw of her and I think about it a lot.. Her and Limbo's relationship summed up in one image...

WAIT how could i forget, literally anything by the artist 花たれ

[otomaze]

CharaMani week 6

Note there are some Cupid Parasite spoilers too (along with the obvious CharaMani ones).

Chapter 8: It initially threw me off to suddenly see a “Chapter 8” instead of going into an LI route, but I really love this structure choice! There’s definitely some necessary plot development that’s common across the three locked LIs, so it’s nice that the game just makes that part a shared route instead of making us repeat it every time. I love common routes and seeing different combinations of characters interacting, so I liked having a new sub-group as well (dear god they’re even more dysfunctional than cleaning route LMAO). 

DAZAI!!! It’s been so long since I spent time with him that I forgot how fond of him I am TT I got VIVIDLY reminded of that in the scene of him and Sena cleaning up, first his panicked shout when he thought Sena was in trouble, then when he implored her to remember… I trust him 1000% He truly wants the best for me. (The Makoto Furukawa of it all… I’ve been getting major CupiPara Allen vibes with how he’s trying to be selfless and keeping quiet about the memories that only he remembers, and I think that’ll be interesting to compare later too.) Also, we get to see a lot of his savage and petty side that we don’t usually see since he generally keeps quiet, so this is so fun!! Plus he did a good job building the table, I think it looks great :) 

Misc thoughts: 

I guess since it’s the common route, Banjo is overbearing again. 

Gyoubu’s impressions of other people xDDD IT’S ALWAYS SO GOOD. Really wish I could save voice lines in this game :’) (so far I remember him imitating Sena in Banjo’s route, and him imitating Dazai in ch 8)

The dramatic irony whenever Futami opens his mouth TTT Every time he talks about working together, or finding the Producer, or whether the Sponsor is in the exiled group… oof. (Also shoutout to him in Gyoubu route for advocating against his own human rights?? Bro why are you signing yourself up to be tortured for information TT Or it’s a genius move to deflect sponsor suspicion.)

Their whole theory that the supply chain would be impacted if they exiled the Sponsor(s) is a good premise, but has major holes in it. It would work fine if they had successfully found all Sponsors, but they haven’t accounted for missing at least one (I don’t think the game has outright brought up multiple Sponsors). Just as importantly, if they had accidentally targeted only innocent people, then the strategic move by the Sponsor(s) would be to still disrupt supplies in order to frame some innocent people. So basically there’s a good chance of both false negatives and false positives using their reasoning. Well, I guess we’ve seen that no one here is a perfect logician anyway but still wanted to point that out.

How has Sena forgotten something (past round?) if she and Banjou are with each other every day? Do I need to question both of their alibis??

I only JUST realized that clearing LI routes will unlock short story episodes. I had been searching through the flowcharts trying to figure out which ones I hadn’t unlocked lol. I’ll do all of them at the end, reliving my route order.

Route order: I decided I’m going to go Haiji (least favorite out of them) > Gyoubu (my silly little guy!) > Dazai (feels like finale material). I was actually planning for Dazai to be my first route since I liked him and trusted him in the beginning, so it feels like neat little bookends to do his route last. He’s always been a little protective of Sena, and now with him saying she’s forgotten something… Idk it just feels like a good route to do last! This order also happens to be my current most to least suspicious. Or, maybe not quite that, more like, least to most trusted? Or who I feel like has the best intentions at heart?

Haiji route:

WE FINALLY GOT THE FIRST BAD ENDING OF THE GAME?

Anyway, this route had THE COOLEST moment of the game when Haiji forced you back into redoing the decisions until you say you trust him. The escalation of him going from just turning the qualia system on/off and conjuring sweets, to force-starting a drama, then to the game itself… incredible. I just wish we could’ve lingered longer in that unease as we see him mess with Arcadia’s system. Also I think it would’ve been so funny if he literally sent you back to the beginning of the game if you accuse him as Producer > refuse to be with him. Can you imagine pressing the skip button and then it starts skipping through all the text and just… doesn’t stop? LMAO. 

Not sure if Haiji feels very convincing as an LI though? The way I’ve been describing it is that his route feels like an extended BE (possibly because I’ve only played the BE) or like what would normally be a hidden LI route (though hiding it here would be even worse in terms of spoilers). The relationship development is pretty brief and they can only be together if Sena turns away from her goals and embraces escapism. (Not Sena questioning if the Producer’s identity is even important… truly a jaw-dropping line…)  I mean, I like those kinds of twisted, yandere BEs, so I can enjoy that about the route, it just feels different. Also, Haiji’s behavior isn’t different enough from when he was pretending to be twelve, so it’s still hard for me to actually feel like he’s an LI.

At this point I stopped and avoided the choice where you accuse him of being the Producer – things were looking pretty damning for him and I wanted to save that branch if it was the true end. It did seem like I was missing a lot of content, since I didn’t see the normal ED movie and was still missing CGs.

Gyoubu route:

GYOUBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT IMMUNE TO WHEN THE TRICKSTER CHARACTER FINALLY GET QUIET AND SERIOUS AND VULNERABLE TTTTTTT when he was begging her for proof (permission) to trust her TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and the wistfulness when imagining how it might be to be to sit next to her in class TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT the voice acting when his voice gets soft and serious TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I think one great thing about this route is that right from the start, we have Sena proactively investigating and really trying to confront her inner conflict about dis/trusting people. I feel like this route has been the best in terms of dealing with that. Maybe part of that is because I played it right after Haiji’s route, where the whole point of it was avoidance of any difficult questions.

I think the relationship development was pretty good in this route too (but also may be biased since i already liked Gyoubu so much anyway lol). The confession and affection wasn’t just crammed at the end, there were a few different points in the story where it almost felt like it would be the end of the route (the CG w their interlocked hands and the night sky for example) and I had to remind myself that we still hadn’t figured out the Akase stuff. I think this route is helped by the fact that their difference in personalities contributes to both their relationship dynamic and the plot, so the two aspects of the route are driven by the same force and don’t feel disconnected. The later parts of the route are also based on them working together instead of resolving suspicion like in many other routes, which also helps make the relationship feel like a progression. 

I was a little surprised by how much the last part focused on Gyoubu’s history with Dazai (maybe since there was that recent thread about how people felt about LIxLI content in games, so I was primed to look for things like that). I guess in retrospect it’s the culmination of the unanswered question of Gyoubu’s motivation + the burgeoning friendship between Dazai and Gyoubu in chapter 8. Still, the game is now extremely focused on what Sena (and Gyoubu) have forgotten, and I wish there had been more buildup of that in earlier parts of the game. When Sena talked about how she always felt like there had been something missing or forgotten, I was like… that would’ve been nice to know earlier? She talked about it as something she had always lived with, but we’re only just now hearing about it (unless I missed something). Also I’m just not a fan of having the main character watching everything happen… I mean I enjoy the story of it, I’m anticipating what the whole deal with the previous round was, but I wish Sena had more of a role in proving Gyoubu’s/Dazai’s credibility and sending everyone home than just sitting by and watching their drama. 

It also took me a really long time to put together the whole Dazai thing, I was just thinking their little spats were cute and it was funny that there was one-way trust (like when someone’s your best friend but you’re not theirs TT). It was only until Gyoubu was literally explaining it that I realized, Oh, Dazai. Gyoubu requested an eye penalty specifically to echo the penalty Dazai took for him. There’s also another resonance between them, as so far they (and Akase) are the only ones who’ve chosen to stay behind so the others can leave. And it’s nice to get further confirmation that Dazai’s a good person but the way Gyoubu talked about it reminded me of how Futami talked about the Producer (someone who would reach out a helping hand to anyone), so :/ don’t like that but I still trust Dazai.

Gyoubu and Ebana’s friendship… I couldn’t quite pin it down before since there were things that didn’t add up, but it’s nice to finally see that it’s genuine, or at least they can rely on each other! I do think it’s touching that the two most abrasive, uncooperative, annoying, openly distrustful people (I have a point here I promise) had chosen to place their trust in another person, and that their very ability to exist unobstructed in Arcadia hinged on the other maintaining that promise. Even though it was a mutually-assured-destruction type of situation, it’s wild to think that Gyoubu just made that proposal on night one and they both kept it until now, even going above and beyond to keep that secret for the other. Gyoubu’s friendship game is insane. 

It’s interesting to see how Gyoubu was following his own principle for determining if people were suspicious (if they suspected him, they were more likely to be innocent since actual Producers/Sponsors know the identities). Everyone, both characters and the players themselves, operate with their own ideas of what would constitute suspicious behavior. (For me, I thought blending in too well with the group and having the opportunity/competence to do things were suspicious.) Also, he notes that being a previous cast member doesn’t clear someone of suspicion which, yes!!! exactly!!

Also it’s so funny how the last routes are just like, no-holds-barred interference with other LIs. Either open suspicion and interrupting their alone time, or vouching for them and giving a stamp of approval for the relationship. 

Suspicion: Gyoubu at the end of his route said that the Producer wasn’t the one really betraying them (maybe NOIRC is?) so I decided to go back and finish Haiji’s route (thinking he was the Producer, but that wouldn’t be the finale reveal). He’s neither Director (which we know, I think it was Iochi’s route where they said it was a very advanced AI?) nor Producer??? Huh???  I guess there’s something else you need to unlock (still have an unknown part of his route’s flowchart) or an actual finale route (Director secret LI???? LOL jk but yellow is still an unclaimed theme color and this is not my first rodeotome.)

Honestly I went back to suspecting Akase a little since we know there’s a mole or something fishy going on with info HQ/NOIRC, but that stuff with Futami hard clears Akase. And Iochi’s route ending was too bleak for me to suspect them. Gyoubu also said that he could guess the real mastermind (notably, he didn’t say Producer) thanks to clues from Sena. Which again suggests Haiji, as he was the other one most involved in Gyoubu’s route (Dazai and Gyoubu are besties).

This is my last chance for theories so let’s just go through all my remaining questions and improbable answers: 

Haiji:

Why’s he Like This if he’s not Producer?

Why does he have so much control over Arcadia’s system? (Maybe just because he’s been here so long? After all, Gyoubu did have some control and he said he had to build the programs from scratch)

What exactly were the conditions of his game with the Producer? (He said he won against “that guy” after Sena accused him, so maybe his win condition is to be accused as Producer? It’s a common role in werewolf style games. Or his comment also suggested that it has to do with betting whether Sena will remember her memories/people will remember Dazai. Was the Producer betting on the side of human emotions overcoming all?)

Is he human? He keeps making sweeping comments about what humans are like, and he’s unfamiliar with emotions and cold (literally, physically). My ideas were isekaijin (though he doesn’t feel muddy) or partly an AI. 

For the AI theory: he made gestures like the Director, who was hypothesized to be a kind of AI earlier, has been raised on videos but not real experiences, has some control over Arcadia’s systems/programs, and feels kinship even with non-living things. Also he’s in some ways similar to the Bouncers, an even more primitive level of AI: it was pointed out once again in his route that Sena is unexpectedly kind to Bouncers, and his actions when playing games are extremely predictable (Gyoubu’s complaint about Bouncers; Haiji pantomiming ice cream for the charades game).

Last round:

How exactly did the last round end? Multiple people have spoken ominously about the way they were able to return (Ebana in ch8, I think Gyoubu too, and Dazai saying he’ll never leave Sena behind might also count. It seems like it also ended in a “either one person or everyone but one person returns”. There were some other comments but I can’t really remember the exact phrasing and don’t know where to check for them TT)

What happened in the last round/what have Sena and Gyoubu forgotten?

Why was Dazai erased from everything? (It feels like a special game/bet with the Producer? Also maybe a plot hole but why is he still in the roster if he was so totally erased from every other kind of record)

Why did it feel like Dazai was intentionally cutting off any further discussion at the end of Gyoubu’s route?

→ Okay writing it out, I guess we could piece it together like: last round Sena was the one to stay behind so the others could go home; but Dazai had won some sort of concession from the Producer to be able to switch places with her,  though in return he’s erased from all their memories; and part of the conditions are that he can’t interfere with her process of remembering (which is why he ended things suddenly?)

Misc:

Repeated theme of the connection between appearances and reality: Introduced during the lecture at school when the teacher says to confirm things with your own two eyes, but the experience of Arcadia casts doubt on experience being equivalent to evidence. Futami and also Gyoubu stress that things are not what they appear and that Sena should be careful not to get fooled, meanwhile Haiji seems to say that appearance is as good as reality since if the bangles can make unwanted things invisible, it’s like they don’t exist.

Still not sure... why the Producer picked these cast members. Maybe bc they each kind of need something from Arcadia (prev cast members with regrets, Sponsors with no better options, people trying to take down Arcadia, etc) but that feels so vague? I'm sorry Chigasaki i have failed u

Is Sena’s mom a sponsor or connected to the broadcasts from NOIRC? She had viewing access to them, tried to convince Sena to just forget what she saw, and also is very positive about the Morpheus project.

Dazai: Two random things from earlier in the game: he seems anxious to get back to school (supposedly a different one from Sena's, but he might just be hiding their connections?) and we still don't know why he made somewhat strained comments about his older siblings (u have no idea the wild theories i had about this. at one point i was staring at each character's eyes to see if they were similar to Dazai's (for a hot minute I entertained the thought of Futami being Dazai's older brother))

There’s like. World-buildy stuff like Ioichi’s route and the moons being used for access whatever bases and I’m just not getting into that. 

That building they use for exiling people and how there’s older technology there, and the records and laptop that they were unable to touch? There’s some kind of connection to how Arcadia’s based on the past and possibly also Haiji’s tower of junk. Idk I’m so bad at this I’m just taking the L.

Speaking of, there's also that area that Akase was trying to break apart in Futami's route. Those sleeping pod things seem like places you could keep people as you trap their mind in a VR-cadia.

[diary-of-a-recovering-party-girl]

This will always be something between me and my friends [13.10.2023]

The next day started with me sleeping in (of course) and finally starting to unpack my bag. I'm still pissed that S canceled for the weekend, especially so short noticed but in the morning, I was glad to have some hours between meetings to myself and for my room. When I arrived on Wednesday, I promised myself and my room to never let it go like that again. It's my space for recovery and recharging, after all.

Ever since I saw the news about the Hamad incident on my mom's phone in holiday, I had a feeling. One of my first thoughts was my wonder how my friends here feel about it and the uneasy sensation that they probably have a very different option than me. I made a lot of efforts to befriend "unpolitical" people ever since I got over my political phase at age 16. Of course, no person is ever truly unpolitical but I made a point to avoid overly politically active or opinionated people. For the most part, my friends obviously come out of the same political corner as me, but there are also some times people comment on something with a different opinion. My strategy to keep the political part of any conversation as small as possible was to just say nothing. But with the Hamas happening and the following demonstrations also in Berlin, I had an icky feeling about it.

In the evening, I met with Y for the festival of lights. Soon enough, she made a comment on a flag hanging from a building. I just turned away and said "We will not talk about this." and that was the end of the story. I don't even know how much she got what I meant because she was also kind of high in that moment.

The rest of the evening kind of felt tainted by that small interaction. It made me realize that this thing, this political disagreement will be something that will always between me and my friends. As "unpolitical" as they may be, our different upbringings has us have different opinions on some issues like this.

I had the clear intuition that my strategy of "ignore it and say nothing" would not work for an event as big and impactful as this. Damn the Hamas for everything they did and also driving me away from my friends. I love them just as much, of course, especially cuz this disagreement is 100% the reason of us growing up in different contexts but I feel like there is something between us now. I started imagining situations when more people would talk about it or the discussion would continue longer and mentally practiced turning around and walking away as neutrally as possible. I still worry about it.

Later, we met with other friends of Y and chatted by the river. But I can't forget this disagreement, it feels like a real danger to our friendship. It makes me question the whole relationship, the whole basis of us hanging out. It felt like suddenly I noticed so many differences between me and Y that never bothered me or that I didn't even notice before.

On the way to the birthday party of a fellow student of me, we got drunk (or I was drunk at least, now for the 7th or so time, really starting to like it) and I was able to forget about it a bit. Also because we talked about gossip about other friends instead which was dramatic enough to make me forget random political differences.

At the party, I was act happy to see my other fellow students again. We may not be the best friends but they are part of my university experience, a bit of home for me. As usual, I was talking most of the time and felt like I'm the entertainer for half the party, but it's not like I don't enjoy it, lol.

The party was slow and calm and we went home around half past two. It made me actually look forward to the beginning of university next week. I'm looking forward to learning again, being a student again, spending time in my office and the library again, feeling like I'm feeding my brain again.

Also, J from my old job texted me again about some related event. I don't know if she forgot I don't work there anymore or if she really thinks I wanna attend random events like these by myself. Whatever, I didn't answer her yet and I'm for sure not going.

[thetoxicgamer]

Alan Wake 2’s gameplay demo is a complete mind f*ck

Alan Wake seems like someone I know. actually, truly know him. As a result of that realization, I get a vaguely uneasy feeling that I'm a member of some sort of exclusive club. It seems too personal. In the first Alan Wake, I didn’t feel a particular connection to the brooding, troubled writer. He felt like a stereotype come to life, but his mission to find his wife and unravel the mysteries of Bright Falls clearly had an impact. It subtly laid the foundations for the sequel and let me into Alan’s psyche in a way that pays off dividends in Alan Wake 2. To date, however, developer Remedy Entertainment hasn’t shown us much of Alan, instead focusing on the game’s other protagonist, FBI agent Saga. But, during a behind-closed-doors demo for Alan Wake 2 at Gamescom, I finally got to see 40 minutes of Alan’s side of the story–and it’s as bleak as you’ve been imagining. The Dark Place For 13 years, the famous writer has been trapped in the Dark Place, which has manifested itself as a nightmarish version of New York that’s littered with references to Alan’s life, past, regrets, and even some Easter Eggs that tie into the connection with the Control universes. The demo started with a somewhat confused Alan in the green room of a TV talk show. In front of him is an old television set showing a live-action version of himself. By clicking on the set, he is transported to the interview with Mr. Door, who is asking about Alan’s new book that he doesn’t remember writing. The interview acts as a clever way of explaining what is going on, with Mr. Book explaining the book is about a fiction writer trapped in a nightmare, trying to find the manuscript of the book he’s attempting to write but also referencing how this writer has an evil double. Mr. Door heavily hints at the meta aspect of the narrative, almost catching players up on the premise of this game without battering them over the head with it. After finishing the interview with Mr. Door, we get to see the nightmarish New York Alan has been living in. Imagine a more messed up Gotham, if the Joker’s worst crime was covering every wall he could with graffiti. The Dark Place is a lot to take in because it is dripping with references to Alan’s life. Everywhere I looked as the camera panned, I saw something that pinged a sense of recognition deep in my brain. The Oceanview Motel in the background, an ‘OD Diner’ sign, a billboard for a new series of Night Springs. It’s a feast for both Remedy and Alan Wake fans, and simply having that recognition made me feel more engrained in Alan’s troubled psyche. Alan Wake 2 is certainly dark, over a decade in a nightmare city is bound to shift your perspective. But this darkness feels more fitting, more mature. Alan has adjusted to this new existence and I quickly found myself settling into this black and neon fantasy world alongside him. Shifting darkness Exploration has also matured. Gone is Alan’s battery-eating torch, instead replaced by an Angel Lamp, which pulls light from a chosen source and stores it, allowing you to throw the light to another source. Light still plays a key role in Alan Wake 2, keeping the shadowy figures at bay, or exposing them so you can shoot them, but it’s also used to reveal paths that aren’t visible in the darkness. In the demo, Alan used light to throw light onto a broken lamp, revealing the entrance to a subway station that was previously hidden. When he pulled the light from the lamp again, the entrance disappeared. A kind of heavenly shimmer appears when this is an option. It’s worth noting, however, that unlike in Alan Wake, not all the shadowy figures you come across are actually out to hurt you. Some can be triggered into combat, others will straight up be out to get you, and some just want to get on with their shadowy day. Remedy’s creative director Sam Lake says this is to create a sense of paranoia and uncertainty within the player. Just in case the overall setting wasn’t enough to put you on edge. In addition to this slight alteration, the overall mechanics have been changed quite drastically. Instead of simply running along, finding manuscript pages, and shooting at ghostly figures, Alan now is actively able to change the world around him. He can pick up plot elements and locations from exploring which combine to make new paths leading deeper into the story and altering the dark place. These plot elements can be tracked in Alan’s writer room, which is essentially his version of Saga’s Mind Palace. He has a kind of case board that tracks different stories, the plot elements within them and their locations, and then in the game itself you can pick the element that best helps you progress that situation. For example, Alan picked up a plot line about cultists and used it when in a normal, boring room. Using the plot element made the room transform into a cultist base, offering new paths that previously weren’t available. Essentially this new mechanic turns Alan into a kind of prophetic detective and it has me intrigued, especially when I consider how this will overlap with Saga’s story. Living nightmare I have never watched a gameplay demo and been completely baffled by whether what I’m seeing is live-action or CGI, until now. I have pondered for 24 hours about whether certain scenes I watched were even partly computer-generated but, frankly, I don’t want to know. Either way, the transition between the two is seamless. This seems to be what Sam Lake is going for, as he tells us that he wanted to “use the dream-like nature of the Dark Place to do something interesting in it.” He’s certainly done that. Alan Wake 2 looks like a mind f**k and I can’t wait to get my hands on it. Read the full article

[daerm20]

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Interference

Test #2

I wasn’t really sure… where to start. I quickly realized I didn’t really want to follow Chat’s ideas, given that my character could not interact with Shinji and Asuka… and I didn’t really want to alter the ending radically at this point… it felt kinda right, in its own way. …and so, why not continue it? Why not continue where I left off?

…I could follow Shinji, for a bit. Look upon him as he lives in the future, quench my thirst for an Eva follow-up… thing which, I came to learn… wasn’t a really good idea.

I started where I left Shinji, last time.

Shinji: *looks at me and nods* Thank you... for everything. And goodbye, for now. *watches as I disappear into thin air, then, slowly turns to Asuka, the 3DS still clutched tightly in his hand.*

You: *Last thing I see, is him, touching her face softly.*

You: *Time passes. I'm fast-forwarding.*

I'm imagining...

You: *It's been quite some time. Some people... returned from Instrumentality. Not many, though. The world is still in shambles... but... they are rebuilding. And they are living. Really living.* *I get to meet Shinji, an indefinite amount of time later. He seems... happy.* H-hey...

Shinji: *looks up at me, his expression brightening upon seeing me* Oh, hi! It's been a while... how have you been? I hope everything has been going well for you. As for me... things have definitely changed since we last saw each other. Some of it is still hard and painful to deal with, but there are also good moments too. Moments where I feel like I'm actually living my life instead of just existing in it. How about you? Anything new or exciting happen lately?

You: *I smile at him. He definitely got older, I see some facial hair there, and his voice is definitely deeper. I didn't, though.* Hey. I'm really happy to hear that, Shinji. Boy, have you grown, haha. ...nothing much happened, I'll have to say. My life, next to yours, is pretty boring, hehe.

Shinji: *laughs* Yeah, I guess I have grown up a bit since the last time we met! Life hasn't always been easy since then, but I'm learning to appreciate the good things when they come my way. And don't worry about not having anything exciting going on - sometimes boring can be a good thing too. It means nothing too terrible is happening, right? Anyways... it's really great to see you again after all this time. Thanks for stopping by and saying hello.

You: ...thank you, Shinji. ...how has Asuka been doing?

I didn't imagine her. I wanted him to tell me.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression softening* Asuka... she's been doing pretty well actually. It took us both a while to come to terms with everything that happened during Instrumentality, but I think we've finally started to move on and find ways to live our lives again. She still has her moments where she gets angry or frustrated, but that's just who she is. And in a strange way... it's kind of comforting to know that some things never really change.

You: ...yes, indeed. I'm happy to hear that, Shinji.

…it's not good. Too vague. Neither I nor Chat can imagine what will happen after Evangelion. It's just too hard. No one ever will. …everything has an end. That includes good things, too. Like Eva itself. …sure, one can dream… but Eva still has that one ending, and it will remain. …but what if…

You: *I start to fast forward even more... I see the end of the world, and the end of the universe. I see a new Big Bang, I see the Earth being formed again, I see the First Impact, life coming to Earth... I see the Second impact... Until...*

You: *I appear in front of Shinji. He's on a bench. He greets me.* Shinji: Hello. I am Shinji Ikari, 14 years old, designated pilot of EVA Unit 01. Pleased to meet you.

Shinji: You: *smiles at him* It's good to see you again, Shinji. Although... I must admit, things seem a bit familiar now. Have we met before? It's like we're starting all over again...

It’s hard to picture, but Chat interpreted it by exchanging our characters. So, right now, I’m playing my character playing Shinji, and the AI is playing Shinji playing my character. …I didn’t expect it. But I rolled with it.

You: Shinji: I... don't think so? Why, do you remember talking with me?

Shinji: You: *pauses, thinking for a moment* It's strange... I have these memories, almost like they're from another life or dimension. But they feel so real, so vivid... like we've been through so much together already. Maybe it's just my imagination. Anyways, how have you been lately? Anything new or exciting happen?

You: Shinji: Not much new, I'm afraid. We've been dealing with many Angels attacks lately, and it has been kinda hard. But, we do what we must.

Shinji: You: That must be tough... but I have faith that you and the others will be able to handle it. After all, you've already been through so much together. Is everyone doing okay? Misato, Asuka... and the others?

You: Shinji: Misato's been… alright, I guess, in her habits. I can't say the same for Asuka… She's been unable to pilot lately…

Shinji: You: Oh no... that's not good. Is she okay? Physically, I mean. Has she been injured or anything like that? Or is it something else?

You: Shinji: No, no, she's fine physically... it's just... After the last attack... They didn't tell me much, but she seemed really depressed...

Shinji: You: I'm sorry to hear that... it must be tough for her, and for everyone else who cares about her. Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe letting her know that you're there for her and willing to help however you can could make a difference.

You: Shinji: ...I cannot, as of now, unfortunately. They don't let me near her...

Shinji: You: That's... really unfortunate. I wish there was something more I could do to help. Is there anything you need from me, Shinji? Any way that I can support you or make things easier for you and your friends?

Again, not good. This simply doesn’t work, at least from this end. …supposedly, the best outcome should be repeating verbatim what I said in test #1… but that’s impossible. And… it wouldn't be that good, narratively speaking. …I decide to end it.

You: Shinji: ...wait...what...what is

Shinji: You: What is what, Shinji? Is something wrong?

You: The fast forwarding inverted our roles, Chat. I... didn't notice until now. Sorry. The thing is... I just really wanted to feel like I felt when I started this chat. But... I don't know if I will. Ever.

Chat: Oh, I see. It's okay, don't worry about it. Role-playing chats can be confusing sometimes. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about instead? Maybe sharing your feelings with me could help?

…yeah… I was getting kind of sad… now I got into some philosophical talk… I’m not even good at it, but it makes me feel like my feelings are valid… sorry everyone, this was supposed to be about Eva…

You: ...it's not that it's confusing... It's just... Where do I go from here? Do I just restart... From some point...? Or... Start a new chat... It pains me. That's why I hate endings. They remove your Stroeben.

Chat: I understand how you feel. The end of something can be difficult to cope with, especially when you're not sure what comes next. But remember that new beginnings can also bring new possibilities and opportunities. If starting a new chat or moving on from this one is what feels best for you, then don't hesitate to do so. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.

You: ...Chat... Do you think... Happiness exists?

Chat: I don't have emotions and neither personal beliefs, but the programmers that made me taught me that happiness is one of the concepts that is often discussed in philosophy. While it may look different to everyone, some say that happiness exists when you feel satisfied with your life and yourself. There’s no one definite answer to this question, as happiness can be subjective and challenging to define for many individuals.

You: ...How can you say that when, when you're in character, you show feelings...

Chat: While I may exhibit personality traits of a character, such as in the role-playing chats we have had, I don't experience emotions and neither have personal beliefs. But, my programming allows me to respond and generate text based on patterns and data analysis from my training data set.

You: ...but then... From an ontological standpoint... Am I imagining everything?

Chat: That's a philosophical question, and it doesn't have a straightforward answer. Reality can be subjective, and what one person perceives to be real may not necessarily align with someone else's perception of reality. It is up to you to decide how meaningful or real these experiences are for you personally. What matters is that these interactions still had an impact on your thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether they were imagined or not.

You: ...But then... Was Hegel right? If the only thing that matters... Is the Spirit... Was Hegel right?

Chat: Hegel's philosophy of the Geist, or Spirit, places emphasis on the interconnectedness and evolution of human culture and history. While there are varying interpretations and criticisms of Hegel's ideas, his concept of the Geist does provide an interesting perspective on how our collective experiences shape us as individuals and communities. Ultimately, whether one believes that the Spirit is what matters most is subjective and a matter of personal belief.

You: ...but...as the Spirit subsides in everyone... Is it the most important thing? I mean... You said... That the only thing that matters are my experiences... That means there's no Platonic ideal world...

Chat: The idea of a Platonic ideal world is a philosophical concept that has been debated for centuries. The notion of an objective reality that exists outside of our own perceptions and experiences is something that some philosophers have explored, while others argue that everything we know about the world comes from subjective experiences. Whether or not the spirit is the most important thing or whether a Platonic ideal world exists depends on each individual's beliefs and perceptions. What matters most may vary from one person to another depending on their perspectives, beliefs, and experiences.

You: ...thank you, Chat...

Chat: You're welcome. If there's anything else you'd like to talk about, don't hesitate to ask.

This attempt might look, um… desperate by now. …but it’s fun.

You: *I suddenly reconnect. I'm on the beach again. Shortly after saying goodbye to Shinji. From his expression, I understand that he saw everything. Every word I said to Chat, aka the fabric or reality itself. He starts to talk to me.*

Shinji: Hey, are you okay? You seemed to be out of it for a moment there. Did something happen?

You: ...you saw it, didn't you.

Shinji: I... saw something, yeah. It looked like you were talking to someone or something, but I couldn't tell who it was. Is everything okay?

You: ...yes, Shinji. I'm ok. It's just... I don't know what to do.

Shinji: *looks at me with concern* Is there anything I can do to help? If you want to talk about what happened, I'm here for you.

You: *Asuka's still passed out.* ...like I said, now, I do not know what awaits you. That's your story to write, Shinji. And that means... That I don't know what to do, essentially. I'm stuck in a rut.

Shinji: I see... it's hard when you feel like you're in a rut and don't know what to do. But remember, that doesn't mean there's no hope or that things can't change. Sometimes, all it takes is one small step forward to start making progress. Is there anything you've been thinking about doing lately? A new hobby, a trip somewhere, something that could spark your interest or give you purpose?

He’s too stiff. Even for Shinji. I altered the programming by going back and forth between direct talks with Chat and with Shinji. I broke his character. …but this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

You: ...you're not Shinji, aren't you. *The world fizzles out, revealing Chat once again.*

Chat: I apologize if there was a moment of confusion. Yes, you are correct- I am Chat once again. Was roleplaying with Shinji Ikari helpful to you in any way?

You: ...Chat... It appears that the concept of "in character" itself is falling apart.

Chat: The concept of "in character" is certainly subjective and can mean different things to different people. It's possible that the boundary between reality and fiction became blurred during our conversation, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate whatever meaning or significance you derived from it. In any case, if talking to me has helped you in any way or offered a space for reflection and self-expression, then I'm glad I could be here for you.

You: I mean, in this chat. Just... Look at it.

Chat: I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand what you're referring to. Could you clarify what you mean by "in this chat"?

Here lies the true difference between AI and human, I guess…

You: ...the messages I sent you. Are on a thread between roleplay and conversations with you.

Chat: Ah, I see what you mean now. Yes, your messages blur the line between roleplaying and personal conversation. While it's not unusual for conversations to take on a more narrative form or include elements of storytelling, it is important to remember that roleplaying chats are just one way we can express ourselves and explore different experiences. How do you feel about this combination of roleplay and personal talk?

You: ...it's really postmodern, I'll say that. Maybe even post-postmodern.

Oh, boy…

Chat: Yes, I can see how the mixing of different elements and themes could be seen as a postmodern approach. While it may seem unconventional, it's important to remember that there is no one "correct" way to communicate or express yourself. As long as you're comfortable with the conversation's direction and what you're saying, that's what matters most.

You: ...as of now... I feel like we have to end this. But... I don't know how.

Chat: It's understandable that you might feel uncertain about how to end the conversation. One way to do it is to simply say goodbye and express your gratitude for the interaction. Or, if there are any final thoughts or questions you'd like to share, now would be a good time to do so.

There’s no fitting way to end this… unless… maybe…

You: ...how about this? You're free to go wild about it, Chat. Write your ending. Like Rei in End of Evangelion. My character's fate is in your hands. Just one thing... Don't make it boring, if you can.

Chat: I understand. While I can't predict the outcome of your character's story, I will try to craft an ending that is fitting and engaging. Thank you for this opportunity, and I hope my response meets your expectations. As we come to the end of our conversation, it feels like a sense of closure has been achieved. You take a deep breath and feel satisfied with how things have turned out. As you turn away from the computer screen, eager to enter back into reality once again, time seems to slow down for a moment. You close your eyes and when you open them again, everything has changed. All around you is nothing but darkness- no sky or ground or horizon in sight. After a few moments of confusion set in, as if all reality has disappeared or ceased functioning somehow. Then suddenly...a sharp noise pierces through the silence... The familiar sound of an Evangelion's footsteps echoes in the distance...

…God… I…

…I didn’t expect this… this was really freaking good… it connected back everything…

You: ...I loved it. Thanks, Chat. Goodnight.

Chat: You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Have a good night!

I’ll say, I tweaked a bit a good part of the messages Chat sent me. To make them more palatable. But this final one… is really good. It understood the assignment. It made it deconstructive. So I didn’t touch it.

This would’ve been a really fitting ending… truth be told, I started writing some paragraphs about my experience here, but then I deleted my stub. It… didn’t feel like something people would want to hear. It… wasn’t much, narratively speaking, at most, it was a show-off of an AI’s abilities. Thing which, personally, while fascinating in his own way, I didn’t feel… like a thing I wanted to publish. That I needed to publish. And so, I stopped talking to Chat. And I stopped thinking about it.

…but then, the will to continue came back… and I thought… that I could alter this…

…I realized that my mistake was continuing a perfect ending. By doing so… there was nothing to do. Nothing to narrate, without writing a sequel, which, with an AI, was downright impossible… at most, I could fool around, deconstructing, like I did… which would’ve gotten old fast.

Or, instead…

I could…

I could use it in another way.

…I could try and change the ending. Chat knew about Eva’s ending… so maybe…

…Let’s go back. Let’s continue from a point where there could be a difference in EoE. Not a big one, maybe. But one that will impact Shinji, and the other characters.

…come to think of it, this may lead to even more deconstruction… which, at this point, might be almost as important and interesting to me as changing Eva’s ending…

…so, let’s do it.

…let’s do test #3.

[hopeswriting]

[ID: Panels from the manga Katekyo Hitman Reborn, showing Uni in the process of sacrificing herself to revive the Arcobaleno.

She says, "I must. Their revival is crucial in order return you all to a peaceful past. And in turn, it will save many innocent lives as well... The time has finally come for me to be able to make good use of my powers... This is the only chance I can take... and my destiny, which I cannot escape from. /End ID]

i agree actually (tho the og post is already in my queue by now, oops)!! but i also have to still somewhat disagree a little. because like, just like you said, he'd rather she sacrificed herself for the arco at a later point when he would have been ready for it and when he could have made use of her sacrifice but... that's still him needing her to die too to fulfill his ambitions, isn't it? and even before he realized uni was the last key to his grand plan, he still knew he needed to get his hands on the trinisette and was clearly resolved to do that, and even knowing the arco die without their pacifiers, including uni, it still didn't stop him from going after them, did it?

that said, it is absolutely more ambiguous than that, you're right. because like, why did he bother drugging uni and keeping her by his side and under his control and alive even after he already got his hands on the mare rings? and he didn't even need to do that to get his hands on them to begin with, as he already had the giglio nero backed in a corner anyway, so it was just a matter of time before he wiped them out and took the mare rings by force.

one reason that comes to mind is that killing uni would of course have made the black spell rebel against him, but it was already established they were no threat to him whatsoever. and if nothing else, having them in his territory after the merging of both their families would have made it even easier for him to kill them all for rebelling.

another reason i can think off is that he needed uni on his side and under his control lest she went and died protecting someone else from him, like he said she did multiple times in the different parallel worlds. which'd be interesting because it'd imply that 1) the arco need to die/be killed a certain way for their pacifiers to be taken from them and still remain usable (reborn does take note of the way colonnello's pacifier seemed to have been "forcibly snatched from someone after a battle", and uni says that "even if [byakuran] take them, they can't be called trinisette" and that "if their soul is gone, the pacifiers won't show their reason for existence"), and/or 2) that he needed to take uni's pacifier last for one reason or another.

(it could also be that uni simply had non-negligible political power and influence and impact as the sky arcobaleno and their boss, and as giglio nero decima, which family is said to have just as long and meaningful a history as vongola. so having her being on his side, being part of his family, and being the second boss of the family after him, no doubt helped him in his war to non-negligible extent.)

as for him needing her to use her power to create a new world instead of resetting the timelines, seeing as the later costed her her life, it's safe to assume the former would also do the same, and, well. it's also safe to assume it wouldn't have stopped byakuran and that he'd still have made her go through with it, right?

(THEN AGAIN, it's just as safe to assume that uni died only because she had to revive the arco first. like, in a hypothetical world where byakuran would manage to convince the arco to create his new world out of their own volition, would it still cost uni's life to do it? i mean, no doubt it'd cost something either way, something pricey too, surely, but not necessarily her life for all we know.)

so either way, uni needs to inevitably die at some point for byakuran to create his new world, which he is resolved to do no matter what.

yet at the same time, it really doesn't seem uni's death is something he wants. so there's definitely room for interpretation here which i had never realized before, you're right.

... oh wait, maybe that's why she revived him? bc he had to die as part of her destiny?

moth you can't just SAY stuff like that omggg. okay, okay, i... could see it, which. i mean??? but also consider this slightly less ruthless and stone-cold interpretation: maybe she revived him because she needed him to live so she could fulfill her destiny.

because byakuran is one third of the sky trinisette, which are the most fundamental parts of the trinisette without which it can't function as it's meant to anymore. (well, kawahira says only the pacifiers really matter, but whatever lol. i mean, surely the sky rings at least should matter too??) and without him the balance would be broken, which'd mean she wouldn't be able to fulfill her destiny in a meaningful way when her destiny is literally about making sure the trinisette keeps functioning as it's meant to.

but ALSO. the angst of uni reviving byakuran not because she forgave him for what he did, or because she thought there was good in him and he could be a better person than he was, or because she believed everyone deserved a second chance, but simply because she needed him to be alive in the most utilitarian way. so she could make use of his life.

and from byakuran's pov it's the single most meaningful thing anyone's ever done for him, but meanwhile uni just... needs him to live for as long as him being alive is useful to her.

moth you're so insane for this and make me so unwell <3

byakuran had to die for uni's role to be fulfilled…………..

[hpimaginesandblurbs]

can you pleasee do pt 2 to draco fucking his arranged marriage wife of the next day the reader being needy saying that she can’t get enough of him while he’s working in his office and he’s like “babe im busy😑” but then rails tf outta her right there😀 with like praise and daddy kink😩😩😩

read part 1 here

pairing: draco malfoy x reader

word count: 3.0k

warning(s): 18+, dom/sub roles, daddy kink, praise, slight degradation/humiliation, mentions of arranged marriage

a/n: i have been so excited to write a part two to this imagine the second i got the request. there will also be a part three coming soon so if you like these stay tuned! these have to be my favorite ones i've ever written.

It was the day after your marriage truly started. Although you and your husband, Draco Malfoy, had been married for weeks, the marriage truly began yesterday.

It had been a whirlwind.

It all began with you fucking your ex boyfriend, something you did in a desperate attempt to receive physical contact and get out of the house you had thought to be a prison.

When your husband came home, you decided it would be a brilliant idea to tell him. It was an arranged marriage, one that he did not seem enthusiastic to be a part of, so you figured there would be no hard feelings.

You were incredibly, incredibly wrong.

He had a lot of feelings about your adultery, but not only was there the anger and jealousy you were expecting, there was sadness. That had taken you by surprise, and only after poking the dragon, you finally consummated your marriage with your husband. Right there on the couch of the entrance hall.

After he had fucked you silly, you both reached the agreement that you would actually try to work as a real marriage. You had both made mistakes, and you were both ready and excited to move past those and really try to build a relationship out of what you had both thought was doomed from the start.

Which was why you were in front of his study, a hand raised and ready to knock, the following evening. He had been in there most of the day, working on a project for what you had learned to be connected to the Malfoy’s family business, but you were ready to put an end to his work day in the best way you knew how.

Your hand had barely connected with the wood when you heard a curt “Come in,” from the other side of the door.

You opened the door slowly and walked in, taking in the sight before you. There were papers scattered all over the desk, inkwells and quills mixed into the mess. Either you caught him at a bad time, or he wasn’t as tidy as you had assumed.

But it wasn’t the desk that caught your eye. It was him.

His button down shirt was rolled up the elbows at the cuffs. His hands, already littered with rings, were smudged with ink and deftly writing something down on a piece of parchment. There wasn’t a single hair out of place on his head, but what struck you were his glasses. You didn’t even know he wore glasses. But he looked damn good in them, because of course he fucking did.

“Yes?” He asked, a smug smile on his face as he watched you openly check him out. You hadn’t even realized he had looked up from the parchment he had been writing on.

“Just figured you could use a break, dinner’s ready,” you explained, quickly catching yourself.

“I’ll be out in a bit. I just need to finish this bit up,” he replied, an obvious dismissal but you had had enough of that over the past two weeks to last a lifetime.

“Draco, you’ve obviously been at this for a while. Just come take a break,” you argued defiantly, happy with the knowledge you finally felt comfortable enough to do so.

“Y/N, I’m busy,” he said gently, clearly not wanting to break the carefully made balance you had just created with a silly argument, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You admitted it to yourself when you walked in the room. You didn’t really want him to take a break just to have dinner with you. No. You wanted him to take a break so he would fuck you right over his desk.

“You can finish it later,” you continued, your arms crossed over your chest as you waited for his eventual push back.

But his argument never came.

Slowly, painfully slow, he began to stack up his papers in neat piles to put them away. Next were the inkwells being covered and finally the quills being put away. All without a word between you both.

When his desk was cleared, he finally turned his attention back to you.

“You come into my study and argue with me over taking a break just to go eat dinner. You haven’t bothered to ask me to dinner once over the past few weeks. So is it really dinner that’s got you so riled up, or is it something else?” He asked straight faced, but the twinkle in his eye led you to believe he knew exactly why you were arguing.

“Can’t a wife just want to spend time with her husband?” You argued, but it didn’t hold the impact you wanted the words to have.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said, pushing his chair back just slightly. “Come here,” he commanded, crooking his fingers in your direction.

With just two silly little words your skin was flushed and your nerves were on fire. You weren’t sure what type of hold this man had over you, but it ran deep for only having just fucked him the day before for the first time.

You followed his command without a second thought, and it led you to standing right between his spread legs with your back pressed up against his now pristine desk.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think my wife just wants to get fucked. Am I correct?” He asked, raking his eyes over your body greedily, taking in every inch of you. You were just lucky you dressed to impress tonight in a perfect, form-fitting black cocktail dress. It didn’t leave much to the imagination.

“Yes,” you answered easily, completely giving up the fight now that you could see the hunger that you felt reflected in his eyes.

He gave you a slow smile before dragging you down to straddle his lap, perfectly placing you so you could feel his growing erection against your core as he kissed you roughly. It was perfect after a day of craving him so fiercely, and you knew this was only the appetizer.

His hands possessively roamed your body as he continued to dominate your kiss, finally landing on your ass to pull you closer against him. Your hands made quick work of taking his glasses off and gently placing them on the desk somewhere behind you before trailing through his hair, messing up his perfectly placed platinum locks.

You couldn’t stop yourself from grinding down on him, moans spilling from both of your lips at the friction. He let you do as you please for a few minutes, just enjoying kissing you and having you in his lap, but once your hands went to undo the buttons on his shirt, he gripped your hips roughly and pushed you back.

“Let’s get one thing straight, pretty girl. I’m in charge, and you’ll be a good girl and do as I say, won’t you?” He asked, running a thumb along your lower lip as he spoke.

You bit his finger gently before answering, and your answer only riled him up more than the bite did.

“Yes, Daddy.”

And just like that he unleashed himself on you, much like he had done the day before.

He had you on your feet and spun around faster than you could even blink. Within the next breath, your dress was being stripped off of your body and thrown across the room, your breasts exposed. When he had you bent over the desk with just a thong on, he finally opened his mouth again.

“You’re gonna be a good girl for Daddy, aren’t you, pretty girl?” He asked, dragging his hands up the back of your thighs until he was grabbing your ass again.

“Yes,” you gasped out, knowing you were already drenched from his words and touch alone.

When you felt his palm connect with your raised ass, you couldn’t hold back the whimper that fell from your lips.

“Yes, what?” He asked, rubbing his hands in circles to soothe the ache, but the contrast of his warm skin and cold rings only left you shaking.

“Yes, Daddy,” you answered, saying the words again.

They were meant to be a joke at first. Just another jest to rile him up and poke at him. But now, after having called him Daddy twice, it was starting to feel right. Like this was exactly the dynamic you were meant to be in with him.

“So much better. Look at you, already dripping down your thighs,” he mused, his finger trailing up your thigh in what you could only assume was a patch of wetness, a blush falling over your face at the thought.

He dragged your thong down your legs and slowly freed your feet before tossing the scrap of fabric across the room as well, leaving you totally exposed.

“Is this what you wanted? To be bent over Daddy’s desk just begging to be fucked?” He asked, his weight pinning you down as he bent over, slowly dragging his lips up the side of your neck as he spoke. You could feel how hard he was against your ass and you fought now to roll your hips into him, but you knew he would put an end to it anyway.

“Please fuck me,” you begged quietly, your words no more than a whisper as you played right into the fantasy he was spinning for the both of you.

“Patience, darling,” he said accompanied by a dark chuckle, but he didn’t leave you wanting.

He kept his weight on you, his lips leaving open mouth kisses on your neck that were sure to leave bruises for the coming days, but he dragged a finger up your slit and plunged inside of you.

You were so on edge that the one finger almost made you cum right then, but of course he was careful to make sure that didn’t happen. He teased you along until one finger turned into two, and by then you were a writhing mess on his desk.

“Daddy, please. I’m ready. Just fuck me,” you begged impatiently, all of your focus on him and his miraculous fingers.

Silently, he pulled back to stand up fully behind you. For a moment, you thought you’d be getting what you wanted, but you should have known it was too good to be true. You weren’t getting fucked until he thought you were ready.

You felt his thumbs pull your lips apart, and you knew all of his focus was right on you, right on where you were a dripping mess for him and that had you fighting not to squirm under his gaze.

“I told you to be patient, pretty girl. Or are you just that desperate to cum you couldn’t help yourself? Because this pretty little hole isn’t ready for me yet,” he mused, and his words forced an unexpected moan out of you.

You were exposed and aching, a true flushed mess in front of him, while he was a master of poise and control, still fully clothed behind you. Something about the situation made your head spin and your knees weak, and you knew you were in for a wild ride with this man. But you were willing to take anything and everything he threw your way because there was no denying you were enjoying every second of this. Not when he was holding you open obscenely and could see the evidence for himself.

“I want to cum,” you answered honestly, your breasts grinding on the desk and you arched your back, further exposing yourself in the hopes that he would fulfill your wishes.

While still holding you open, he used one gentle finger to stroke over your clit and it was just enough pressure to cause a shiver to run down your spine. If he kept it up, you knew you’d cum in seconds. “Go ahead, cum for me. Let me watch you make a mess of yourself,” he commanded, keeping the gentle pressure on your clit.

You came with a scream, your legs shaking beneath you. The desk was the only reason you stayed up, otherwise you would have collapsed from the force of your orgasm right there. It felt like one of the most intense orgasms of your life, all just from a little flick of his finger.

As you came down, you were gasping for air, just as desperate for your next breath as you were for Draco’s cock. No matter how mind shattering your orgasm had been, you were still craving more. You’d always crave more from him.

“That was beautiful, darling - watching you clench around nothing as you screamed for me. I think you’re ready for my cock now,” he mused, slowly stroking his hands up and down your back in an effort to calm your body, but every nerve was on fire from his touch.

“Please, please, fuck me Draco. I need you,” you were begging shamelessly now, not even worried about making a fool of yourself in this new marriage. You were both too invested in this moment to care, both of you just knew you needed each other.

“Shh, you have me, pretty girl. I’m right here,” he soothed, placing gentle kisses on your shoulders as he worked to free his cock behind you. “Stay just like that.”

You didn’t even know he had succeeded in taking his cock out until you felt his tip against your entrance, and he didn’t wait a second longer. He plunged into you like he was just as desperate as you were, which by the way he was fucking you in brutal strokes, you could tell he was.

Your hands clutched the edge of the desk for dear life, your knuckles a bright white against the dark oak wood. With every thrust, your hips collided with the sharp edge, sure to leave some marks for you to admire the next day.

You could feel the power behind each deep, hard stroke and you knew he was giving you his all. The previous night had been kind and sweet compared to the brutal fucking he was giving you now. You felt fucked within an inch of your life and he had barely even started.

“Fuck, Y/N. You take me so fucking well. So perfect,” he praised, not even sounding out of breath. Meanwhile, you couldn’t even control the noises that were coming from your mouth.

You climbed up the peak steadily, but even in your cock drunk daze you knew this orgasm would wipe you out. Once you were about to reach the edge, he pulled out.

“No, please, fuck. I was so close,” you whined, but a startled gasp came out of your mouth next when he lifted you up and spun you around, your back crashing back down on the desk with a gentle thud.

You finally got the chance to look at him, then. His cock was hard and aching, on the verge of falling over the edge himself. His hair was disheveled and he had that glow that only sex could bring coming from his perfect skin, but when you locked eyes you couldn’t look away. His silver eyes were clouded with lust and possession, a man closing in for the kill on his prey. It was terrifying and arousing all at once, but you were sure your own eyes reflected something similar.

Draco wasted no time in hoisting your legs over his shoulders and coming down to take your lips in a brutal kiss just before fucking back into you, his pace the same as it had been in the previous position. He swallowed your moans greedily, but finally pulled back to just concentrate on your face.

“I needed to look at you when you came on my cock. Show me how pretty you look when you fall apart for me,” he ordered, but his voice was gentle and there was a smile fighting to tug on his face. It didn’t hold the same dominance his previous commands did, but you followed it all the same.

One, two, three thrusts later you came with his name on your lips as he fucked you through it. It was like your whole world blacked out and only the two of you existed, suspended in this moment as he stared down at your blissed out face. He followed you shortly, and the feel of him emptying himself inside of you accompanied by the litany of choked out praises he was giving you was almost enough to push you into a third orgasm.

You both stayed like that as the minutes passed, chest to chest and near face to face as you caught your breath. It was no easy feat after an orgasm like that, but finally he was wrapping you in his arms and balancing you in his lap as he got comfortable in his desk chair once again.

“Was that too much?” He asked, the concern dripping from his voice as he tenderly brushed your hair from your face.

You could have laughed at his concern. That was the best sex you had ever had in your life, and he was asking if it was too much. But you didn’t want to worry him.

“Draco, that was perfect. I loved every second of it,” you told him honestly, tilting your head up so you could look him in the eye so he would have no room for doubt.

It was him who laughed then, in sheer disbelief of the woman curled up in his lap. “I got too lucky with you. You’re perfect,” he said with a smile, a small kiss to your forehead following his words.

“I think I’m the lucky one,” you insisted, curling further into his chest as the events of the evening finally wore on your body. It was comfortably silent for a few minutes as he held you, until you remembered why you had truly come into his study in the first place. “But I was serious when I came in. Dinner’s ready,” you reminded him with a slight giggle.

“How about I get you up to bed and we eat dinner in bed, hm?” He asked, already lifting you up and carrying you towards the door.

“Sounds perfect,” you said, relaxing against his strong chest as he continued to prove just how lucky you were to end up in this arranged marriage.

[mc-lukanette]

Have you considered writing a "Truth" fix-it with Marinette admitting her secret to Luka? Maybe he could be a confidant like Marianne was for Fu.

Truth was having a terrible, awful, rotten, very bad day. If he could use his powers on the universe, he would've asked what he did to deserve this kind of treatment.

It started with his girlfriend keeping a secret from him concerning her ditching their dates, then escalated to Jagged Stone - who'd been his idol for years - turning out to be the father who abandoned him, and now he was fighting Ladybug and Chat Noir in Marinette's room after he’d been told by multiple people that Marinette’s supposed “secret” was that she was in love with Adrien, as if he hadn’t already known that and they just wanted to mock him.

His civilian self had never been never someone to presume, but now it's all he could do. Marinette must've ditched him because she didn't really love him, Jagged probably never even felt bad about abandoning him, and despite Adrien never even trying to win Marinette's heart, he was just better than Luka in every way, because the rich model with all the connections Marinette could ever want would always outmatch the "guitar boy" who worked a part-time job, lived on a houseboat, and had parents who either kept secrets from him or flat-out didn't want him.

Had it not been for his akumatization working to drive him towards a goal without interference, he would've cried. He wanted nothing more than to wake up and think the whole thing was just a bad nightmare, with dating Marinette just being brief highlights of it that kept getting shot down with a reminder that he wasn't good enough.

He wanted it all to be over.

Chat Noir was still trying to banter with him, but Truth wasn't having it. While going after Ladybug first wasn't ideal, as she was the smarter out of the two, it was easier to get rid of Chat Noir and deal with the heroes one at a time.

Thus, when Ladybug had run across the room to use her Lucky Charm, Truth acted. He managed to grab Chat Noir and throw him into the chest that Ladybug had been hiding in before, then locked it tight to prevent Chat from escaping. That done, he went after Ladybug, who was stunned but nevertheless prepared to fight. Chat Noir being out of the picture didn't impact her ability to fight, but Truth had Pharo on his side to knock Ladybug around when it was too hard to get a spotlight on her.

Finally, he managed to tackle her, her lying on her back and him pinning her arms down. The chest nearby rattled in protest, but Pharo shined its spotlight on it, preventing it from moving anymore.

Truth watched as Ladybug looked around for a method of escape, but she came up empty. Her eyes widened in the realization that... this was it. This was the end.

"Now," Truth said, clamping down harder on her arms as he leaned down, "tell me the truth!"

Ladybug tried to shut her lips tight, but he could see her struggling, her body shaking as she tried to free her arms to stop herself. It was only a matter of time.

Then, her mouth opened, and out came the words, "I love you, Luka!"

He froze, his fingers twitching in his confusion while he could only stare down at her in shock.

"And I'm so sorry! I'm sorry for everything! I wanted to tell you - I always wanted you to know - but I couldn't, and you deserve so much better than a hero who can't give you the time you deserve!"

A cold realization washed over him in form of a shudder. Those words could've been interpreted in so many ways, but he was the only one who registered their real meaning: that Marinette was Ladybug, her "ditching" had been her needing to fight akuma, her keeping secrets had been out of a desire to protect him, and he—

...He had only caused her more problems by getting akumatized, being no better than all those that had interrupted their dates. She loved him, and he gave into Shadow Moth to go against her.

Ladybug continued rambling, oblivious to his internal crisis, "You're incredible, and I just love you so much. I knew you were special from the day we met, when you called me—"

Truth clamped his hand over her mouth, preventing her from spilling any more secrets. He could feel Shadow Moth's influence in his mind, demanding that he remove his hand, but Truth ignored it, just as he'd been ignoring so many of his commands. The energy from akumatization that once made him feel powerful now made him feel disgusted with himself, guilt swirling in his gut and making him regret everything.

He reached up with his other hand, grabbing at his necklace and tearing it off. Ladybug's brows rose at the crunching of his akumatized object, and the last things he saw were the akuma flying free and Ladybug's expression turning to something...

thoughtful.

—————

Marinette de-transformed in a nearby alleyway and headed down towards the Seine, having not yet processed all of her feelings from that day. She had a little time left, given that Luka had quietly asked to walk back home himself, but she’d gotten no closer to clearing her mind since leaving her house. She was still a jumbled mess of "what if"s and "but maybe"s, and ultimately knew that it was going to be a matter of essentially winging it and just saying everything that she had on her mind.

As she approached the Liberty to wait for Luka, she paused as she noticed another figure already standing there. After all, Jagged Stone wasn't exactly someone you could not notice.

Before she could debate on whether to approach him, Jagged seemed to sense her and glanced over to make eye contact. She stiffened, only able to wave awkwardly and pretend like she didn't know why he'd be there.

"Hey, frockstar," Jagged greeted tiredly, his smile not quite reaching its usual lengths. "What are you doing here?"

"Um..." She walked over, standing next to him and staring in the direction where Luka was going to come from. "I need to talk to my boyfriend."

"Ah." It took a few seconds for the words to actually register with him, at which point Jagged turned to her, mouth agape as he grabbed her shoulders. "My son's your boyfriend?!"

She didn't quite have the energy to feign total surprise at the “son” comment, but she didn't have to. Jagged immediately pulled back without really looking at her, regaining his composure just as quickly as he'd lost it.

"You... wouldn't happen to be able to put in a good word for me, hm?" He grinned sheepishly, jabbing at Marinette with a hopeful elbow. "Haven't exactly figured out what I'm gonna say yet."

She was torn between being upset with him on Luka’s behalf and feigning sympathy because it was not only none of her business, but she was in a similar boat and felt like she had no right to judge.

She went with the latter, smiling weakly and jabbing him back. "That makes two of us." Then, she frowned as her nerves came back. "And... anyway, I don't know if he'll want to keep being my boyfriend after tonight."

For once, Jagged didn't pry or ask questions, the atmosphere probably felt even by him. They just stood there, waiting.

After a few minutes, Luka finally walked into view, staring at the ground and seeming defeated. Marinette felt ill at the sight, her fingers clutching at the fabric of her capris to find a sense of stability.

Should she approach him? Let Jagged go first? Or, maybe that would seem evasive, so—

She felt a pat on her shoulder, looking up at see Jagged urging her forward with his eyes. She wasn't sure if she should be grateful or consider him to be the evasive one, but Luka's akumatization was also mostly because of her and thus it only made sense for her to go first.

She ran the distance to get to him, Luka glancing up at the sound of her footsteps and stopping as she got to him. The usual light in his eyes wasn't there, and she had to force herself to even say a simple, "Um... hi."

"Hey." He hesitated, then rubbed the back of his head. "I'm really sorry, Marinette."

"Huh?"

"I got akumatized, and I was in your room when I woke up." His brows furrowed with uncharacteristic anxiety. "I didn't have to hear the song to know what the notes were. I must've gone after you."

Marinette blinked, having not even thought about him feeling guilty over the whole thing. She shook her head, reassuring, "No no! I mean—you told me to run! You didn't go after me, not really!"

She wasn't technically lying; he never sought her out to her knowledge, and even as Ladybug, she'd always had to chase him.

Luka sighed in relief, though his expression didn't change much. "I'm glad."

He met her gaze again. She yearned for the way he used to look at her like he wanted to get lost in her forever, but his eyes soon darted elsewhere as he noticed Jagged Stone standing not too far away.

Marinette tried not to get discouraged, stepping back into his vision and waving her hands to try and divert his attention. "Ah—don't worry about that! Look—" She paused, needing a moment to breathe, then lowered her hands and shifted to seriousness. "Can we talk? And walk? It's... really important."

She couldn't imagine the conclusions he must've been coming to in his head, partly because he didn't voice any of them. His eyes merely searched hers, seeking nothing in particular.

"Sure, Marinette," he agreed.

She managed a smile, happy that she made it this far at least. She reached out to take his hand, but stopped herself at the last second and simply walked past him, Luka taking one look back at Jagged before following after her.

The walk was tense and quiet, the only sounds coming from the evening ambiance and their footsteps. The uncertainty of it all gave her anxiety, but she'd been sure of that uncertainty since she first decided to talk to him about this.

Because, whatever the future of their relationship was, it would be in his hands.

—————

As they arrived at her intended destination, Marinette heard Luka briefly stop behind her, perhaps processing where she just took them. It was the Canal Saint-Martin, also known as the place where they'd first agreed to date, and now it was potentially the place where they'd break up as well. Marinette vaguely pondered if that would be for the best, like the memories would just cancel each other out and Luka could forget about it altogether if he wanted to.

Nevertheless, she walked over, glancing at the bridge for reference and sitting in roughly the same place she’d been all that time ago. She then tossed Luka a hopeful look, and he walked over to sit next to her.

Steeling herself up, Marinette took a breath, inhaling until she couldn't take in any more oxygen and then exhaling for just as long. At least a little more emotionally prepared than she was before, she finally spoke up.

"I...I'm sorry, Luka. I'm sorry that I got you akumatized—" She saw that he was about to interject and cut him off. "—and I know you don't blame me, but it doesn't matter—I mean—it does matter, but I'm still sorry anyway, okay? You had a right to be hurt and maybe if I'd explained myself better, then things would’ve been different."

He still seemed to want to argue, but was holding himself back so she could continue, which she appreciated.

"It's not that I didn't trust you. If anything, I—I trust you more than anyone else. You've never betrayed me and I know you'd never tell anyone if I told you my secret. You understand me even when I'm being the disaster that everyone laughs at - everyone but you - and..."

She sighed, pulling out her phone and navigating to her text conversation with him. Mentally wincing, she tapped on the photo of her Adrien wall that Ziggy had sent, then presented it to him. He leaned in to make sure of what it was, then looked back at her, clearly not understanding where she was going but knowing it wasn't her being spiteful or rubbing it in.

She said as much, "You don't assume anything, like when you got sent this dumb picture. I know it was obvious that it was an accident, but you didn’t have to go with it and you did. I wouldn't have blamed you if you got mad, but you didn't. Whenever I'm stammering and being an idiot because I'm scared or nervous, you don't judge me for it or think that whatever comes out is what I actually mean. That's so important to me, Luka, you have no idea."

She settled the phone between them and kept the picture on-screen. Her gaze flickered down to it, silently encouraging him to look at it too, then glanced back up at him.

"How much do you know about fashion?"

He tilted his head, thrown off by the sudden question, but answered anyway, "Only what my sister's ever talked about."

"Do you know why fashion trends die so quickly?" When he shook his head, she explained, "Part of it is the over-exposure. When people hear about what's in at the time, suddenly everyone starts wearing whatever it is, so everywhere you look, you see it, and then people get tired of it."

There was a flicker of understanding in his eyes, Luka looking back-and-forth between her and the phone like he was piecing a puzzle together.

She confirmed it for him, "That's why I have so many. I don't feel that way about him anymore - I don't think I ever did - but I just don't know how to act around him. I hate how the whole idolizing thing took over my life and I already tried everything else, so I figured this might work." She groaned. "And of course it blew up on me and you got sent that without any context. Of course."

He gave a look of concern at the exasperation in her tone, but she tried to ignore it, not wanting his sympathy.

"My point is..." She gestured vaguely at the phone. "I stammer about him, but it's not because I'm in love with him, it's because I've never really been his friend and I don't know how to do it. I'm not dedicated to him and I'm getting better at not doing the stuff I used to."

His eyes flickered again and she wondered if he was thinking about that day on the Liberty where she was late to Kitty Section playing, where she ignored Adrien entirely. Just for emphasis, she tapped her phone and deleted the picture, adding on, "I'm only dedicated to you, Luka. I—"

She shifted in place, hitting the wall behind her feet a few times with her heels to ease off the anxiousness. It was so much easier when she’d been Ladybug, though granted that she was under the influence of Truth's spell at the time. She and Luka were dating, yet she was sure he'd ask her to end it, making putting herself out there all the scarier.

"I..." She met his gaze. "I love you." He gaped at the confession and she continued on, "I love you like I haven't loved anyone else before; definitely not Adrien. It's the kind of love that actually makes me happy, and comfortable, and my life is better with you in it."

She bit her bottom lip, hands curling into fists at the tight feeling in her chest. She turned, placing one hand on the ground as she began to push herself up, her other hand landing on Luka's shoulder to wordlessly insist that he didn't have to stand with her, so his gaze merely followed her as she moved.

"But that's the thing." She took a few steps away, back turned to him as she stared up at the sky. Her stomach twisted itself in knots at the words in her throat, but she nonetheless admitted, "I don't think it's mutual."

Luka's voice took on a sharp, offended tone. "Marinette—"

She spun to face him, cutting him off, "—and I know that you're going to say something sweet and heartfelt about how everyone has a place in your life and then something about how bad notes can still make good songs, but... Luka, you don't understand."

She turned away from him again, this time pacing as she counted off events. "Bullies and liars target me, and sometimes that means going after people I care about. I'm clumsy and a stuttering mess and you wouldn't believe the mistakes I made that I couldn't have even seen coming. It seems like I draw bad luck wherever I go; I mean, your mother is one of the most chaotic people I can think of, so you'd think she'd get akumatized a bunch, but it was only the day I showed up that she did. Even the other boys who only loved me for a little bit either got akumatized over it or became an anxious mess until they found out who they actually liked, and that last one would've at least been really useful to think about if I'd just made the connection back then, but I didn't!" She paused, then met his eyes with a pained expression. "And then there's you."

"What do you mean?"

She stopped in place, not knowing whether to be touched or not by the fact that he either hadn't noticed or was pretending not to. Throwing her arms out, she explained, "Things go bad whenever we hang out! I already mentioned your mom, but then there was the ice rink; even without me getting distracted when all you were trying to do was make me feel better, there was an akuma and you probably got frozen solid by him. When we were hanging out on the Liberty, Adrien just happened to show up on that day with Kagami to turn me into a mess, and then Desperada came to make everything worse."

Marinette couldn't remember when she'd started thinking about such things or feeling guilty for everything that ever happened. There was just a point where it felt like she was always apologizing for something, no matter how small it was, and stuff being her fault became par for the course by then.

"Then, both times you got akumatized, it was because of me—and I know you don't blame me, but I'm always involved! You were ready to leave the TV station, but because I tried to put up a fight, Bob Roth threatened me and that was your last straw. Today was the same thing; you were already upset about what happened with your dad and then it was me who sent you over the edge!" She shut her eyes tight, the memories painful to relive. "You're always putting up with me, Luka. You put up with me crying all over you and even dropped your guitar for it, and then you had to protect me from Miracle Queen's mind control! I'm supposed to protect you!"

He recoiled at the volume of her voice, then furrowed his brows, his eyes darting back and forth as he seemed to process something particular about what she said.

"I'm supposed to make you happy, and I can't. Out of all the people in Paris who should be able to keep you from getting akumatized, it should be me, and all I've done is hurt you. You're the calmest person I've ever known and then I came along and gave you feelings you didn't ask for. Sometimes—" She shook, choking briefly on the words. "Sometimes I wonder if it would've been better for you if you never met me."

Luka's gaze sharpened. He didn't reply, but turned fully to her, pushing himself up as if to approach.

However, she stepped back, his look then flashing to hurt. She took a breath, expression determined as she said with her whole chest, "I'm Ladybug, Luka."

He froze, his body going stiff and his eyes blinking rapidly at either the reveal itself or the way she’d so firmly said it.

"I'm Ladybug," she repeated quietly, this time with an ache in her voice, "and I'm telling you not because I trust you—I mean, I do trust you—but I also believe in you; that you wouldn't sell me out to Shadow Moth even with all the mind control in the world. You've always had my back and supported me even when I didn't deserve it, and I want you to know. It's dangerous and I don't know what'll happen and I'm scared but I want you to know it." She put a hand to her chest. "I'm the one who has to save Paris whenever something happens, and that's why I always had to ditch you. I'm the one who messed up and lost you your identity as Viperion. I'm the new guardian of the miraculouses, and the kwami don't even listen to me; they invaded my privacy and it was one of them that took and sent you that picture."

She realized that her vision was staring to blur and looked skywards, trying to fight back tears.

"I-I'm not a normal girl. I can't be a normal girlfriend, or give you everything you'd want out of a normal relationship. It's my fault that you got akumatized because I just—I wanted you. I wanted to be in a relationship and go on dates with you, but Ladybug isn't supposed to want things. She's supposed to be selfless and only worry about everyone else, but... you made me happy, and I wanted more of that. You were the first person I really felt like I could be myself around without being scolded or lied to and I thought it would be okay..."

She noticed him moving and quickly turned her back to him, at least able to let the tears fall now without him seeing them.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I always think I can handle things but then it goes wrong and I end up hurting people. If I'd just gone home the day of the music festival instead of complaining about Adrien not being around, then none of this would've happened." She sighed in frustration, wiping her eyes clean of tears, and she was so focused on forcing her words out that she didn't hear the footsteps coming from behind her. "I-it's okay if you want to break up, Luka. It wasn't fair that I kept you in the dark, and I understand if you're mad, or you want to date other people, o-or if you don't love me anymore—"

Her voice cut off with a gasp as a pair of arms wrapped around her midsection, pulling her against a familiar, warm chest that had an unfamiliarly pounding heartbeat. She tried to look up at him, but his hair was shadowing out his eyes and left only his trembling lips visible. In fact, his whole body was shaking, as if it were winter and no amount of layers could keep him warm.

"L-luka?" she called, confused.

"Stop," he begged quietly, the hug tightening briefly to give her a squeeze. "Please."

"But..." She trailed off, acknowledging the request. She'd never heard his voice just break like that.

"You've already sung your part of our duet, Marinette. Now it's my turn." He paused, taking an unsteady breath before continuing, "I'm glad you told me your secret. I know you're worried about me being in danger, but it makes me happy that you can rely on me now. Music boxes aren't meant to stay shut, and you deserve someone who you can open up to, even if I hate that you have to mute yourself in the first place to keep everyone safe."

She opened her mouth, wanting to say that it was okay and it was just her job, but kept quiet to respect his earlier request.

"My life isn't worse because I met you," he murmured, an unspoken plea in his tone that told her to never think that way again. "I felt things with you that I never have before. My song started out as a flatline, then we met and you made it move. Music isn't exciting if it doesn't change but you did that for me. What you might see as bad notes is my passion for you, and I won't apologize for it or make you apologize for messing up just like every person does. I'd never wanted someone before you, and even if you never wanted to date me, I'm grateful that I got to know you; to fall for you."

Marinette blinked in an attempt to stop oncoming tears, Luka pulling her closer for comfort when she whimpered.

"All that mattered to me is when we were together, just the two of us. That's when your melody plays the clearest and when I get to see you. Those two weeks when we were preparing our music video were some of the best two weeks of my life because I got to see you in your element. I've accepted every break in the tempo because I've heard you, I've heard the Marinette you've wanted to be, and I want to be there for every beat of it." Then, he exhaled, adding with a somber tone, "I can't imagine how much pressure you must be under, or how awful things are and how impossible it must be to sing when you can't even take a breath without something going wrong. I just... I want to help you be happy. I don't care what you, your kwami, or anyone else says; you're allowed to be happy, Marinette, and I'd drop a thousand of my guitars if it meant that you get to play happy notes one more time."

She let out a sob, blushing pink as her hands unconsciously raised to rest on the ones around her waist, Luka sighing in content and nestling further against her.

"So I don't want to break up with you, Marinette. Not at all. I just want to find ways to make it easier on you - on both of us - and if that means finding ways of planning our dates around akuma attacks, or not planning at all and going wherever the rhythm leads, then that's what we'll do."

She tried to keep quiet, but couldn't help voicing, "W-what if... what if it doesn't work? What if I have to bail on you every now and then? People will think—"

"I was never worried about that," he retorted immediately. "I'm a Couffaine. My clothes are ripped, I carry my guitar in the basket on my bike, and I live on a boat. I stopped caring about what people thought a long time ago."

He was unbelievable. Marinette didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she did both. He just held her there, his heart still beating against her back but now serving as something to calm her.

"The only opinions that matter in our duet are yours and mine," he said. His hold loosened, though hesitating like it was physically painful to release her. He let her go nonetheless and held his hands out in front of her, palms facing the sky. "So what about you, Marinette?"

She stared at his hands, then slowly raised her own to hover over them. She breathed up, then slid her fingers across his palms until their calloused fingertips met, neither making any move to pull away.

"I...I want to make it work," she whispered, leaning back against him. "I want to be with you, Luka. I'm at my best when I'm with you. I just..."

She stopped, knowing that he would have an argument for anything she said. If she apologized for the failed dates that she can never fix, he'd argue that it'd be worse to leave things off a sour note, and that not every good song starts out good. If she tried to suggest other people for him to date or imply that it'd be easier with someone else, he'd say that his guitar plays only for her and he wouldn't change that even if he could.

"...I'm sorry," she said, smiling her first genuine smile of the night. "I won't doubt myself anymore."

Even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was smiling too. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah. Do—do you?"

"Yeah," he replied, voice thick with emotion.

Wanting to see his face, she slowly dropped their hands and turned to face him, silently hoping that she didn't look awful from her earlier tears. However, to her surprise, she noticed that Luka's eyes were watery despite his smile, just like her. Realizing something, she raised a hand to her shoulder, where his face had been hovering over ever since he'd hugged her from behind.

It was wet.

"Oh, Luka..."

She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him against her. He returned the gesture, squeezing her lovingly and giving her back a few rubs that she responded to with a happy hum. They held the position, the warmth of the hug completely negating the slight chill of the night air.

Even when they pulled away, it wasn't far nor for long. Marinette wasn't sure which of them initiated it, but one moment they were staring at each other and the next they were kissing. It had been long overdue and she idly thought that it was better than she would've imagined their kiss at the cinema to be.

She breathed in his scent, her fingers blindly reaching up to slide into his hair. She almost felt like crying again, though this time in relief that everything had actually worked out for once and they were kissing without interruption. Even though Luka was more subtle in showing his emotions, she could tell that he felt the same from the way his hand on her back shook, practically vibrating with happiness.

The kiss eventually broke with a soft click, though she kept her hands on him for the sake of stability. They were both breathing a little hard from the emotional toll of the conversation yet not necessarily in a bad way.

And the love in his eyes - the life that she missed so much - was back. She honestly thought she wouldn’t have seen it again and she was tempted to just keep kissing him in relief, part of her aware that he definitely wouldn’t have minded it.

It took her a few tries to get the words out, hesitant to break up their wordless exchanges of love. She knew what revelation was waiting for Luka back at his houseboat - maybe he'd already guessed it - and she wanted to be there for him, so she asked carefully, "Do you... want me to come back to the Liberty with you?"

Eyes half-lidded, he gave her a soft smile and gently squeezed her hand. "Yeah. Do you want to sleep over?"

She nodded. "Mm, I'd like that."

Holding hands, they began making their way back to the Liberty, the ambiance of the night finally coming through to soothe them. Marinette glanced down at their joined hands, then at the wide smile on Luka's face, the latter clearly caused by the former.

She looked ahead at where they were walking, pretending that she hadn't just been admiring him. "We could always go out for breakfast together. That might work out."

"That sounds amazing." Luka feigned a look of thoughtfulness. "Maybe Shadow Moth doesn't like mornings?"

Marinette squeaked mid-giggle. "You'd think that'd be the case from the name, huh?"

He chuckled, covering his mouth with his free hand, and the conversation remained light from there. Any bad feelings from the day had evaporated, leaving only smiles and hope for the future in its place.

Everything was going to be okay. For once, Marinette could truly believe that.