#also i feel like part of liking star wars is understanding that star wars fans suck so bad. like sooooo bad. i say this as one of them.

[potatoesandsunshine]

“this show was made for the biggest star wars nerds—” oh it’s so over. it has never been more over

[esperderek]

I have to have a chuckle at the Screenrant article posted recently about the Galactic Starcruiser, which totally wasn't about Jenny Nicholson's video honest.

In part, because early in Nicholson's video, she talks about how unnatural it is to have your influencers speak in adcopy and copyright rather than the more colloquial nicknames, and how it makes the people speaking about the product seem very insincere and, well, paid off. Because normal humans don't speak that way, but advertising does.

What's the first two lines in this article?

"As a life-long fan of Star Wars, there was nothing quite as exciting as finding out that I would be working on the immersive Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser experience. Located at the Walt Disney World Resort, the Galactic Starcruiser opened on March 1, 2022, and welcomed passengers to board a two-day, two-night cruise through the stars, during which they could live out their own Star Wars adventure."

No one talks like this naturally. No one writes like this naturally.

This is supposed to be your passioned defense of the place you worked at, the people you worked with, and the memories you made along the way. C'mon! Why don't you open with a story, perhaps an anecdote about the best moment you had working there, or the devastation of the day you lost your dream job. We need to feel your humanity! But there's nothing of that here, to the point where you can just hear the TM behind Galactic Starcruiser.

The first half of this article continues in this vein, reading like a press release Disney marketing put out, just with past tense rather than present or future tense:

"Essentially, the Starcruiser experience was a 48-hour movie that passengers were actually a part of. It was all facilitated through the "datapad," which was accessed through the Play Disney Parks app."

"To facilitate the overarching immersive experience and storytelling, the Starcruiser built a jam-packed itinerary for each and every guest that would consist of a variety of important activities: the captain's toast at muster, a bridge training exercise, lightsaber training, and more. These types of events were essential to understanding what was happening, as they would give passengers the chance to interact with characters and build their story. This is why the Starcruiser could never be just a hotel; every part of it was designed for enthusiastic interaction."

Like, c'mon. I used to work in television. I've seen and used adcopy in my former job, and this is some serious adcopy. It honestly wouldn't shock me if the author dredged up some old adcopy they had lying around about the topic and just transferred it over, changing the tense. You're not here to sell us this product, because there is no product to sell. It's gone, it's been gone for a year, you don't have to sell us on IT. Speak about your experiences.

The next part is yet another topic that Jenny Nicholson pointed out, the bad faith excuses that influencers and advertisers made for the extreme price point:

"What many people don't know, however, is that the price included much more than just a room. The passengers' food, park tickets, recreation activities on board, non-alcoholic drinks, and more were all included - with merchandise being one of the few additional costs on board."

Which is absolute bad faith reasoning, especially when there are plenty of other vacation options that are ALSO all-inclusive, but are MUCH cheaper and offer MORE amenities than the Galactic Starcruiser did! Including Disney Cruises, owned by the same company! Seriously, you can go on a halfway decent sounding cruise or all-inclusive resort somewhere warm for, like, a week or two and spend far less than GSC cost.

Then the last part is essentially: "All the workers liked working there and the bad reviews afterwards make the workers who worked on it feel sad. :("

Which, like, companies have been hiding behind that reasoning for ages. Curiously, the author never offers....any reasons or stories. WHY did working on it impact you so much? What set it apart, what were the people like, what did you like about working there, why are you so passionate about it even a year later? There's nothing, just a generic sort of "We worked hard." and "We're sad it's gone." Why? How? What happened? The video you're obviously writing this in response to is filled with personal anecdotes and stories, it's the backbone of the video! Again, you need to give us something to show your humanity!

Especially when you consider that Nicholson repeatedly points out that the only highlight about her experience, the only thing that kept the damn thing going was the workers.

She had nothing but praise for them, and nothing but contempt for the higher ups who wasted and abused that enthusiasm, to the point where one of her last points was "Hey, Disney is basically exploiting labor."

Much like Jenny, I'm also not condemning anyone who had a good time working there. Good! If you were having a good time at work, that's great. If you have good memories about the people, awesome. But I'll note two things:

a) That doesn't meant you weren't being exploited, and

b) That doesn't mean you have to be a useful idiot for the corporation you worked for afterwards.

I'm not conspiracy brained enough to go "Oh, Disney TOTALLY forced this article into being.", because a cursory examination of the author's prior works and such suggests a lifelong passion for Star Wars, she did work at the hotel, and she's a Star Wars Editor (whatever THAT means in this day and age) for Screen Rant. Apparently one of the heads of Screen Rant says that Disney had no hand in it either.

Though, I can see why people would think that way. It READS like a press release, not something a normal human being would write about an experience they feel passionate about.

[sunshine-theseus]

Fools | Kyra Cooney-Cross x ND!Reader

Words: 4.3k

Summary: no one understood your mind, until you met Kyra.

Notes: Guys I have no knowledge of how Emirates is laid out, how meeting players off the pitch works etc, so I’m completely making this shit up I’m sorry. also sorry for the super long introduction, and the shit writing, I haven’t written in months.

Warnings: mentions of abuse - not proofread. i'm so sorry if this is so shit i genuinely haven't written in months. i wanted this one to be good so bad but i just don't think it is

the person who requested this has since deactivated so i actually feel so bad that i didn't get this out while they were on here. i'm genuinely so sorry for the past like 6 months.

I always struggled with social interactions. I didn’t understand it for a long time, why I always had to smile and hug people, why I had to lie about certain things like how I thought my aunt’s bright green hat looked, why I couldn’t ramble about Star Wars or the new penguin facts I just learned.

Then there were the sounds, and lights and the way things felt. Everything had to be specific, or I couldn’t focus. Sometimes if it was bad enough that I would have a breakdown, unable to do anything. My parents tried to scold it out of me when as a kid I couldn’t eat certain foods or wear the clothes they wanted. Sometimes if they deemed it worthy, I’d be met with the flesh of a palm against my cheek or bottom.

-

When I was 12, I presented the idea that maybe I was autistic to my parents. I’d researched it at school for a social emotional learning class we had to take, and I couldn’t help but notice the similarities I found within myself. If I think about it hard enough, I can feel every burning outline of the dark red hand marks that bloomed on my skin hours after the interaction, and the burning of my eyes as my stomach rumbled, drowned out by the music rumbling through my headphones.

-

At 17 I emancipated from my parents and moved to North Watford, renting out a small studio apartment above a record shop. I completed my final year of high school, working part time in the store, building a much-desired routine. The man that owned the shop and my apartment, and his young daughter, were migrants from Cuba, and more than happy to accommodate to my needs. They even chipped in to help me pay for my autism screening after I graduated high school.

I think they were the first people I willingly hugged ever.

I stopped masking when I moved, so the daughter, Elena; 5, took a few months to understand why I didn’t like touch or loud noises and why I didn’t understand some of the jokes she said that others usually laughed at. Not that I’d had the diagnosis at that time, but she was happy to just spend time with me. Every afternoon when I came back from school and started my shift, she’d beg me for more penguin facts, asking which was my favourite penguin. In return she’d spend the 2-hour shift drawing me something, usually a penguin, to pin on my corkboard at home.

I’d then help with her homework while Camilo closed shop and posted any online orders. It was a routine I cherished deeply.

-

Now, 3 and a bit years later at 21 years old, they managed to drag me to a football game. Equipped with headphones and a couple small sensory toys, as well as a hoodie under the “Miedema” jersey, the material of which originally had me tugging and prying the shirt away from my skin.

Elena and Camilo had been big fans of Arsenal for as long as I’d known them, going to every home game, begging me to join them every week without fail. I finally caved during a break in my uni courses, with nothing to do and Elena’s birthday falling on the day of a game, there was no other choice.

The newly 9-year-old basically imploded when she saw my printed ticket stub, tucked tightly into her birthday card. I gently ruffled her hair, which had become my version of hugging her, and showed her the 3 matching red and white #11 jerseys I purchased not long ago. She’d talked a lot about this Vivianne Miedema and how she wanted to be just like her when she grew up, but she’d never gotten a jersey, or seats on the bottom tier. Today was the day.

~

“Come ooonnn I want to get to our seats!” the pinky of her left hand links with my right one as her other hand is holding her dad’s, and she’s dragging us down the lane toward the entrance.

“Slow down Pollito! We have 20 more minutes until we need to be seated.” My special schedule for the day runs through my head as I check my watch. Plenty of time as long as the crowd keeps flowing.

“I wish you didn’t learn Spanish. It’s such a silly nickname.”

“But you’re my little chicken.” I send a joking frown her way and she replies with a toothless grin.

With the abrupt end to the conversation, we arrive at the gate. Showing the stewardess our tickets to be scanned, we then head toward our seats. As Camilo and I take our seats at the very front, instead of make way to their usual seats a tier up, Elena stops and looks back and forth between us.

“There’s no way you got us these seats.” Without a word I pull the girl in between us and she begins to ramble about how excited she is to be able to see the game so close, still able to be clearly heard through my headphones I manage to slip over my ears.

~

The game is drawn 1-1 just after half time, but Arsenal is close to having the upper hand. From across the pitch, Elena spots the tall and lanky number 11, Vivianne Miedema, pulling off her fluoro yellow bib and warm up shirt and lining up next to number 32 behind the fourth official who is prepping her sign. With a couple of whacks to my arm and an aggressive point of her finger, Elena makes me and Camilo very aware of the impending entrance of her favourite player, and another really attractive girl who is very obviously wearing her socks on the wrong feet. The thought makes me squirm but a shot on goal quickly manages to take my focus.

“Who’s the one coming on with Viv? You’ve never told me about number 32.” It’s hard to take my eyes off the girl as she jumps from one foot to the other, anticipating her entrance.

“Oh that’s Kyra Cooney-Cross! She’s Australian, she transferred at the start of the season. Jonas should play her more.” I acknowledge her words with a hum and a nod before we join in cheering Viv and Kyra on.

My eyes are glued to Kyra the rest of the game. Without any knowledge of how football works, I’m left to assume she’s good with the way she dances around players and passes the ball. It was weird, but her movement was so free flowing it would not be atrocious to confuse her with a ballerina. Elegant and calculated, no hesitation.

~

“Where are we going?” my pinky is once again linked with Elena’s as I drag her and Camilo through Emirates.

“Papa where is she going? The exit is that way.”

“I have no clue chica, but I suppose we should trust her aye?” with that, the father-daughter duo track behind me.

Eventually I stop just where the opening of the tunnel leads out on to the pitch and show a lady the pass I’d been carrying around all day. She smiles and begins walking down the tunnel, waving behind her as a sign for us to follow.

“What’s going on?” Elena asks once again, but I just follow the lady onto the pitch, where multiple members of the Arsenal squad are now loitering around, obviously waiting for something, or someone. At the front of the group is Viv, and when she spots the small girl behind me her eyes light up.

“Hi! You must be Elena. We’ve heard a lot about you!” she sends the girl a smile, but Elena doesn’t make any move to continue the conversation. My head whips to her and I nearly have to laugh from how adorable she is. Her jaw has dropped open and her eyes are welling up with tears, so I ruffle her hair and bend down to her height, removing my headphones.

“What’s up buttercup?” I lightly tap her head.

“That’s really her.” she whispers to me, her eyes not leaving the Dutch woman, who lets out a chuckle.

“Yes it is.”

“How?” I tap the side of my nose at her question indicating it’s to be left a secret.

“Can I have a hug?” Viv kneels on one knee and opens her arms and Elena suddenly breaks lose from her trance and runs up to her hero.

“It’s nice to meet you liefje, I hear you’ve been a fan for a long time. And today’s your birthday. How old are you turning?”

“Nine!”

“Oh wow, you’re growing up!”

“I know, but Y/N still calls me Pollito. I’m not a little chicken.” Everyone looking on bursts out laughing as Elena frowns, and while I join them, the loud sound simply reminds me of the lack of protection on my ears.

~

Elena gets whisked off to talk and play around with Viv and some of the other girls, who seem to all have taken a genuine liking to the young girl, Camilo following to watch over them. I stand firmly on the sidelines, fidgeting with an infinity cube and trying to forget the sudden scratching of my hoodie’s tag on the back of my neck and the tightness of my socks, when a now familiar face pops in front of me.

I don’t notice her at first, my eyes are closed and I’m trying breathing patterns in hopes that the overstimulating sensations with dissipate. It’s only when I open my eyes to check on Elena that I get the shock of my life. Number 32 is just standing in front of me, staring, waiting for me to notice her. no less than a minute ago she’d been spinning Elena around and laughing with her, which I’d found alarmingly adorable, how’d she get here so fast?

She doesn’t say anything, she just smiles and waves, and I realise she must think I can’t hear her with my headphones on, which many people tend to ignore. Wow she’s much prettier up close.

“Hi, I’m Y/N” I return her smile, but don’t make any move to remove the headphones.

“I’m Kyra.” Her voice is muffled but her accent is incredible and like music to my ears.

“You played really well today.” Is she blushing? Red creeps up her neck and finds home on her round cheeks as she smiles brightly.

“Ah thanks, I try to give it my all. Hoping to prove I deserve more game time.”

“You don’t get played often?” another chuckle passes her lips and I feel my stomach tighten.

“Uh no. I take it you’re not a big football fan?”

“What gives you that idea.”

“Well rocking up to an Arsenal game with blue nails for a start.” I cock my head to the side and give her a confused look. I did a lot of research for today, there was no room for me to mess up.

“Chelsea, our biggest rivals, their colour is blue. It’s basically forbidden for an arsenal fan to wear blue to a game. Trust me, I learnt the hard way.”

I’m quick to hide my hands in the pocket at the front of my hoodie, fidgeting with my nails. How did I manage to fuck that up?

“You don’t really have to worry, just maybe keep it in mind if you ever come to another game. I hope you do by the way.” She flashes me a smile that makes me feel warm and I can’t help myself.

“You’re very pretty.” She’s about to reply when I glance down and notice her socks are still wrong.

“And I’m not sure if you know but your socks are on the wrong feet.” It’s quiet for a moment and I’m not sure if my common candour has once again overstepped. I can’t even open my mouth to apologise before she giggles.

“I knew there was something wrong. I keep doing it but no one tells me until after the game… and you’re quite beautiful yourself. If you don’t mind me saying.” My eyes continue to avoid her face as I bounce on the balls of my feet and try to refrain from shaking my hands, my most common stim.

“Thank you.”

We’re silent for a minute or so, which I don’t mind now that I’m more familiar with her. I continue to watch Elena and Camilo, who are now playing in a 5v5, Viv carrying the girl halfway down their makeshift pitch before helping her kick the ball. When her laughs echo through the stadium, joy breaking through her screams and from the yells of her dad who is playing a rather poor referee, I’m reminded of how much I love this family. I can’t help the smile on my face.

“Your sister is very adorable.” I glance to my side where Kyra now resides and contemplate telling her she isn’t my sister, but the words get stuck in my throat. If I were to say they weren’t my family after all they’ve done for me, then I’d be lying.

“Yeah. She’s basically my whole life.”

“Hey can I ask about the headphones? I mean you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want but-“

“I’m autistic. Struggle really bad with sound and other stimulants. I wear headphones to dampen sounds, especially in public. And stadiums are full of sounds.” My palms sweat a little and my breath is laboured for a moment. This is usually the part where people decide I’m a freak and never talk to me again.

“Oh cool. I totally get that, the sound thing.” That warm feeling returns. She doesn’t question anything, she just agrees.

~

Eventually the meet and greet had to end, but I manage to get a few of the girl’s numbers, including number 32’s. Something I hadn’t expected was that the team would love Elena so much that they wanted to organise season tickets and some more passes to meet up after home games. I couldn’t help but be a little proud of myself as the young girl rambled about how amazing it was to get to hang out with her idols, and the prospect of seeing them again.

~

Uni starts back up the following week, so I don’t join the two for a game for quite a while. Despite that, I find myself texting Kyra most days, a good morning and goodnight routine quickly being established. We ask each other questions about each other. ‘What did you want to be if football didn’t work out?’ ‘What made you want to study your course?’ ‘what’s your favourite thing about Australia?’.

She liked to ask me about parts of my autism every now and then. She wanted to know what things to avoid, what topics made me ramble for ages, safe foods. The only other people who had ever cared this much were Elena and Camilo. The two of which had definitely taken note of how happy I’d grown since the game.

“Who are you talking to Angelito? You haven’t smiled this big in a long time.” Camilo takes a seat beside me behind the desk of the store

There is no need to hide the blossoming relationship from him, so I turn my screen to show the messages between Kyra and I, a bold ‘No. 32’ under a very weird but unmistakable picture of the girl. He hums and smiles, lightly nudging our shoulders together.

“She likes you.”

“Pft no she doesn’t.”

“‘you’re so cute.’ ‘I really like you.’ ‘I’ll save that for when I take you on a date.’ With a winky face emoji. She literally admits she likes you. Twice.”

“I thought that was that flirty thing people do with their friends.”

“I know when people like each other.”

“How Milo?”

“I have a gift.”

“A gift hmm?” he just smiles widely down at me before taking my phone again. He begins to type something.

“What are you writing Milo? Milo!” I glance over his shoulder.

‘I really like you and would like to go on a date if you’re free.’ I’m about to scold him but three dots appear as Kyra begins typing.

“If this works you owe me an extra hour this week.”

“You are an evil schemer Camilo.” I say before squeezing his shoulder, a common sign of affection we’d developed.

‘I’d really like that. Tomorrow’s our day off if that works.’

I can’t help the squeal I let out as Camilo writes a response in confirmation.

“I’m going on a date.”

“You deserve this kiddo.”

~

Kyra and I agree on a dinner date at a restaurant I’d mentioned really enjoying a few months ago, that I hadn’t had a chance to visit since. I’d made the reservation, asking for the specific table I’d sat at the last time I came, and I’d already decided on what I was getting before I even hoped in the car to drive there.

I’d planned everything perfectly. The place, my outfit, what time I had to leave to arrive there 10 minutes before our agreed upon time. I hadn’t taken into account the car speeding through a red light and crashing into the car in the right lane beside me. Or the fact that due to the momentum I’d get caught between the 2 cars and the building on the corner of the street I was just about to turn down. No more than 15 metres from the restaurant but I’m trapped and the seatbelt is too tight and my head hurts. I’m crushed between my door and the centre console and all the sirens and ambulance lights approaching are too much and all I can do it cry.

If I could just reach my bag in the footwell of the passenger seat I could get my headphones to relieve some of the stimulation, but I can’t bend that way without my ribs screaming and whatever is poking my hip in my back making itself known.

I pray to every god I can name that I pass out, but no one hears as the jaws of life pry open my door. When were the other cars moved?

“Ma’am we have to cut you out. my colleague here is going to hold you up. Is that okay?” I don’t have any energy to say no, so I nod, waiting for some scissors to snip away at the seatbelt. Instead, I hear an electric saw whir to life.

“W- what’s the saw for?” my words are barely recognisable as they slur together.

“Ma’am everything is okay, just stay still for us okay?”

The sawing is over quicker than it begun, and the paramedics make an effort to move me as carefully as they can onto the stretcher, then into the ambulance. I make no move to complain about how the neck brace is itchy and feels suffocating.

A minute passes and through the newly developed ringing in my ears, I hear someone calling my name. they sound so far away but when I open my eyes again, Kyra is standing above me, next to the paramedic who’s hooking me up to monitors,

“Do you know this lady ma’am?” she asks me as I stare up at the girl I was meant to be on a date with.

“Yeah she’s my girlfriend.” A voice in the back of my head is worried that maybe that will freak Kyra out, but I know they won’t let her ride with me if we don’t have some close connection and for some reason friend does not cross my mind.

They allow her to take the extra seat beside me and she loops her pinky with mine. She keeps glancing down toward my stomach and taking deep breaths as we make our way down the streets of London. I try to see what she’s looking at but the brace doesn’t allow me to look that far down.

“You’re going to be okay.” She whispers as they roll me out of the ambulance, and she manages to quickly kiss me before I’m gone from view.

~

I don’t know how long I’m out for, but when I wake up there is a sterile white light beaming down on me and I have to instantly close my eyes. I’m quick to take note of the horrible feeling of the hospital gown I definitely wasn’t in when I’d gone under.

“Papa! She’s awake!” I let out a groan at the yell but and quick to smile once the voice registers in my head.

“Pollito.” My voice is no more than a whisper, hoarse and dry.

“Hey Angelito. How are you feeling.”

“Horrible. The light’s too bright and the gown is so itchy.” Neither Elena nor Camilo leave my side, but the light is off within seconds.

“I more meant physically. You were hit pretty hard.” The screeching of tyres, the smell of burnt rubber, the flashing lights, all rush back to me. So does the pain.

“Now that you mention it. What’s the damage?” it’s meant as a joke but I’m trying not to cry.

“3 broken ribs, 2 fractured, a torn vastus lateralis in your thigh, a lot of muscle damage in your back. It’s going to be a lot of physical therapy kiddo.” The thought has bile rising in my throat.

“Fuck me.”

“It’s okay, we’re going to be here the whole way. All of us.” By now I could know the voice in a crowd of people.

I turn my head and there she is. Kyra is sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital seats with her hand on top of mine.

“If it’s okay with you, Camilo, me and some of the arsenal girls are going to sort out a schedule to take turns helping you with PT. Viv was really hoping she could give some tips considering how long she spent doing PT.”

“That sounds perfect. But please tell me one of you has my pyjamas. I need to get out of this gown.”

~

There was no lie in how difficult rehab was. I had an hour appointment at the hospital every day and additional work at home that Milo, Kyra and some of the arsenal girls happily helped with. The hardest hurdle was amount of physical touch that was required. My physical therapist, Jordan, always made sure I knew when she needed to touch my leg or something, but that did very little to sooth the feeling that crawled beneath my skin. She was able to dim the fluorescent white lights and allowed me to wear my headphone which did help a small amount.

Kyra basically moved into my room above the shop. Milo insisted he could do all the work of getting me around the house and the shop, but we knew he couldn’t while maintaining the shop and looking after Elena. Elena tried her best to help by making me breakfast. She gathered pre-made versions of my safe breakfast food and carefully place them separately on a plate, with a glass of orange juice every morning. After the first week she realised I’d be in a wheelchair and struggling to move around much for much longer than she thought, so she quickly gave up on that idea and began making me penguin drawings at school.

I’d adapted to having Kyra around much quicker than I expected to. When I moved in at 17, it took me months to get used to the layout and the fact that I was alone, despite Camilo and Elena living in the house across the road. I adapted to Kyra’s presence within weeks.

After the second week we’d decided it was easier to share the bed rather than her sleeping on the couch, which had been the biggest change. I struggled with it the first few nights. I had a sleep routine that was already disrupted by the injuries, now I had to take another person into account. But she was so warm, and I felt so safe in her arms. Whenever I woke up from a nightmare about the crash, she grabbed me an iced tea and my headphones and would ramble about whatever interests she had recently developed or whatever was happening at training.

It was in the second month things took a more serious turn. Well serious for our relationship. I was sitting at the table chopping the vegetables for dinner while she begins cooking, when I took a minute to just look at her. The warm lighting softened her features, her quiet humming to whatever song was playing carried throughout the room, the smile that seemed to never leave her face sat perfectly on her lips as she listened to me ramble about the newly discovered yellow king penguin. She was so radiant and attentive, and she was never annoyed at me when I was overstimulated or wanted to infodump. She was seemingly unaffected by my rehab and most importantly unaffected by my autism. After a life full of negative interactions and losing people because of one thing I couldn’t control, I’d found a family and a partner who embraced me.

I didn’t realise I was crying until she turned and asked me what was wrong.

“I’m just grateful.”

“For what?”

“You, Milo, Elena. I love you all so much.” I didn’t realise I’d said it really. I was just being candid, as I always was.

“You love me?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation even as it dawned on me.

“Well, I love you too.” There is a split second between the end of her sentence and the meeting of our lips in a kiss.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” I ask as we pull away.

“Wait- I thought- when you called me your girlfriend on the ambulance I kind of took that as you asking me to be your girlfriend.” She begins laughing.

“What? This whole time I’ve been nervous about actually asking you and you already thought I had?” I can’t help but join her laugh.

“We’re such fools.” She whispers, and we kiss again.

I'll always be a fool for her.

[bellepeppergirl]

Radahn Didn't Want This

I've seen a lot of fan content lately about Radahn and Miquella consensually becoming one another's consort, and while I can somewhat understand how people came to this conclusion, I do not believe it to be accurate. I do not think Radahn wanted to be Miquella's Lord nor Consort.

For starters, I feel as though it would completely go against what Radahn is. He idolizes the past; the eras of Godfrey and Radagon where they fought wars unending in the name of the Erdtree and the Golden Order. He stylizes himself after them, brandishing lions and his red hair to show his connection. I do not believe he would want Miquella's age. Not only would that age be against what Godfrey and Radagon fought for, but it would also likely be an age too peaceful for Radahn.

Secondly, we know Radahn learned gravity magic so that he could fight the stars, holding them in place. Why did he do that? We didn't know, but we are informed that Radahn has to die and this has to be undone so that Ranni can become a god, because freezing the stars also froze fate. I think there's two reasons he did this; to stop Ranni from becoming a god, and to stop himself from becoming Miquella's consort. He knew Miquella wanted him, he knew Miquella had the ability to sway anyone over, so he seized the stars to ensure it couldn't happen. To remedy this, Miquella sent out Malenia and her Cleanrot Knights during the Shattering to defeat Radahn, thus stopping his gravity magic and allowing Miquella's plan to go through. I think this is also why he's still alive after Malenia nuked him; he is absolutely determined to not be Miquella's Lord; to not lose his own control. The determination is what keeps him going despite the fact that his brain is literally rotted away.

Then we have the fact that Miquella is not exactly a stranger to doing things nonconsensually. The entire party in the DLC was brainwashed by him, including Ansbach, who desperately wanted revenge against Miquella. He also took advantage of Mohg and used him to gain access to the Realm of Shadow and revive Radahn. Miquella doesn't believe anything he is doing is wrong. He is permanently a child after all, so he is naive and believes that, regardless of what you want, what he wants is more important because, in his eyes, it's what is right and what is going to fix the world. Miquella throws out various parts of himself, including his love, and I think that this could also imply that he is trying to rid himself of the guilt he feels for taking advantage of people, including Radahn.

We also can have our hearts stolen during the final battle of the DLC and, when this happens, we do the Let Us Go Together emote, which strongly resembles you reaching out for someone's hand as if to marry them, or be their consort. A possible link to the fact that this is what happened to Radahn.

And speaking of the fight, halfway through it, Radahn begins to glow red. This stops, however, when Miquella arrives and climbs atop Radahn's back, beginning the second phase. During this phase, Miquella's placement on Radahn's back and shoulder greatly resembles Serosh's position of Godfrey. Serosh's purpose was to hold Godfrey back; to prevent him from acting as Horah Loux so that he would be more suiting to Marika's goals and desires. I think a similar thing is happening here; Radahn is breaking free and Miquella is taking position upon his back and using his powers of seduction to keep that rage, that desire for freedom and status quo, all contained, lest his plans be foiled.

Radahn doesn't even speak during the fight and I really think that, had he been there of his own volition, he would have at least said something. No, it is only ever Miquella who speaks. Not only during the fight, but also during the cutscene at the end. It is Miquella who makes a vow with Radahn. Never once do we hear Radahn's side or answer, only that Miquella wants him to be his Lord.

In fact, if I remember correctly, the original Japanese text in the description of Promised Consort Radahn's weapons straight up say he doesn't want to be Miquella's Lord. I will say to take this with a grain of salt though, as I played the game in English, do not speak Japanese, and do not remember the source of this information. But, given all that I've said, and how common mistranslations actually are in these games, I am still inclined to believe it.

Radahn does not want to be Miquella's Lord. Radahn wants things to stay the same; he wants the era of the Erdtree to stay because the Erdtree had many enemies and it took many wars and genocides to ensure that it rose to power and stayed in power. Radahn stopped fate, likely in an attempt to keep himself free of Miquella's poisoned words, and his determination to be free of the fate Miquella threw upon him is what kept him alive all those years after the Battle of Aeonia. Miquella doesn't understand Radahn's resistance, nor does he accept it. He believes his end justify any means, no matter who gets hurt or who he has to manipulate, just as Marika did before him.

[wesleysniperking]

Usopp, Representation, and the Black Experience: My Perspective (maybe TL;DR)

Disclaimer: This post reflects my personal interpretation and connection with Usopp's character. I understand that not everyone may share the same perspective, and that's okay. This is just my own take based on my experiences and thoughts about identity and representation.

When it comes to Black characters, I’ve noticed a recurring theme where they often distance themselves from their non-Black friends or take time away due to personal struggles. It’s a reflection of the weight they carry, and sometimes there’s even some regret for doing so. I can think of plenty of shows that have touched on this, and honestly, I get it. A lot of Black people, myself included, feel the need to face things alone, likely because of deep-rooted issues tied to our history, upbringing, and the challenges of navigating predominantly non-Black spaces—especially when tokenism is involved.

I’ve been that person, and in many ways, I still am. My sister and mom often joke that Usopp feels like a Black guy with a lot of “white” friends. They also mention how Black men, especially those in subcultures like the hipster scene, often juggle two social circles. My cousin, a big One Piece fan, is the perfect example of this. Even Jacob Gibson, who plays Usopp in the live-action series, gives off a similar vibe.

I know this might come off as blunt or even as a generalization, but to me, Usopp reflects a part of the Black experience. He’s like the Lando (or Finn) in Star Wars, Link Hayes in The Mod Squad, Noah in Young Riders, and Marcellus in The Originals. He’s the Renee in Ally McBeal, Tucker in Danny Phantom, Black Panther in Avengers, Cyborg in Teen Titans, Gerald in Hey Arnold, James Rhodes in Iron Man, Chris Washington in Get Out, Ben in Night of the Living Dead, and Christopher in Scrubs. He’s that Black guy.

Maybe One Piece could show Usopp as more than just his race, but it’s hard to ignore the connection. And that’s okay. It’s something I’ve been reflecting on for a while, and I wanted to share it.

GIF credit

[chevelleneech]

I hope non-Black and non-Asian fans who might also ship Reylo quickly come to understand that while Reylo did get a lot of push back for both valid and bullshit reasons… Oshamir shippers do in fact get to celebrate some of the hypocritical arguments working on our favor, because Black/bi-racial femme presenting and Asian male actors are almost never the leads in popular television and film.

They are either paired off with a white partner or they themselves are the sidekick to a white lead, and usually only date people within their ethnicity. The latter of which is neither bad nor wrong, but adds to the misguided belief that Black women and femmes and Asian men are not bankable or attractive outside their own demographic.

So I’m sorry to say, but if you are a Reylo shipper who feels slighted or even frustrated, that’s fine. Feel how you feel, I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t make posts about it, but white people being in corruption arc romances or etl is not a rare occasion. Meaning, when yet another one exhibits traits that are toxic or not so great, it is fine for people to not like it. It’s fine for people to call it annoying or repetitive, because it is. When it comes to non-white characters who either match ethnicities or are in an interracial relationship without a white partner, it automatically becomes something new.

Why? Because we do not often see it play out that way on screen. And no, Osha won’t be dealing with anti-Blackness or misogynoir on screen nor will Qimir deal with Asian stereotyping, because race and ethnicity aren’t played the same in Star Wars as far as I know, but that doesn’t mean their casting matters less in reality. At the end of the day, it’s all fiction, but that doesn’t change the fact that Black people and Asian (Filipino men to be exact) people shouldn’t be allowed this opportunity to seem ourselves reflected back on screen in the same genre based shows white people get.

Star Wars, science fiction, and fantasy in general is so overwhelmingly white and creatured/alien, that people don’t even realize how uncommon the tropes and cliches they’re tired of seeing, really are. Osha and Qimir would kikeky still work yet not be as thrilling if either one of them were white, because a white woman being corrupted by the evil man of color has very racist connotations, and a woman of color being corrupted by a misunderstood white man is very common on screen. And if they’re both white… then it’s just a Reylo do over, isn’t it?

So like I said, I understand people will be frustrated and want to know how Oshamir is different regarding the character journeys themselves, but it’s not always just about what’s on the written page. The Acolyte needs fine tuning in terms of the writing, but it’s not the worst show on tv by far. And the fact that Oshamir is interracial and non-white in the classic sense, is a huge part of why they work and why people are more interested than what may have been for Reylo.

[biblioflyer]

The Cardassian War was worse than you probably think.

I wrote a lot about the Maquis with every intention of posting quite a bit more about it, but then I got cold feet. Its actually been a while since I watched some of the critical Maquis episodes. In some instances, I haven't seen them since they aired. So I decided to go back and rewatch some of them. I started with TNG 7x20 "Journey's End." Where I expected a very strident lecture on the evils of forced relocation, I found something deeply nuanced and something that also reframed how I understood the Federation's conflict with the Cardassians.

If you're in a hurry, the big revelation was that, per Picard, millions of people died in the Cardassian - Federation War.

If you haven't been part of debates about what the scale of the Star Trek setting is or are more attuned to more recent series, millions may not actually seem that many people. Star Wars and 40k fans are probably squinting and wondering what all the fuss is about.

So let me provide some additional context. This is going to be mostly Doylist in nature, i.e. "meta" commentary.

Millions of people equals thousands of Galaxy-class starships. At a time when we'd seen not more than two Galaxy-class starships on screen at the same time and per the Next Generation Technical Manual (which was quasi-canon at the time, essentially given high regard by creatives working on Trek but always subject to being overruled if the needs of the story dictated) there could be as few as five Galaxy-class starships active at the time, but perhaps eleven including the initial batch of six and assuming the six framed out but not completed hulls were built to completion and subtracting poor Yamato.

Just a few seasons before, the loss of 39 ships and 11,000 personnel at Wolf 359 was considered a pretty devastating loss.

If it were strictly Starfleet and Cardassian military personnel, millions would be staggering losses representing the equivalent of thousands of starships or some mix of ships and major stations or ground forces. My gut tells me that given the way TNG seems to be a smaller scale setting than Trek would later be depicted, this wasn't intended to be solely military losses but also inclusive of and maybe even disproportionately falling upon civilians. Given that the Federation doesn't directly target civilians as a general rule, I do have some theories on how this might come about: namely by making space warfare messier than its generally presented: Star Wars and The Expanse have both done great representation of how conflicts that play out in space can still result in collateral damage to civilian stations and planetary settlements.

Notably, later series like DS9 and Discovery will do a "soft" retcon of Starfleet to include as many as 7,000 ships in the 23rd century and perhaps around 30,000 in the 24th century (citation: Ron Moore & extrapolation based on fleet size quotes) but while this isn't a hard retcon in that it doesn't override firmly declared facts and figures, it also doesn't seem like these larger numbers were ones TNG was operating with when it threw a mere 40 ships at the Borg or had Starfleet yet again being unable to avoid pulling ships out of dock mid-refit and stuffing Enterprise crew on them to catch the Romulans smuggling arms to House Duras.

Regardless of how the numbers breakdown, this was anything but analogous to a protracted series of border skirmishes and raids ala the colonial theaters of various European imperial wars, which full disclosure, was my working mental model for understanding this conflict.

So why does this matter for understanding the Maquis?

I think it matters for understanding the Federation's motives in signing what most fans and many in universe characters feel is a "bad" peace with the Cardassians. This wasn't a vanity war that super powers sometimes find themselves in where they'll fight for years in some corner of the globe that is strategically irrelevant to the imperial heartland but has somehow gained incredible psychological significance in the minds of defense planners, politicians, and yellow journalists. This is a conflict that cost the Federation quite a bit of blood for planets that are described as having been settled for at most a few decades and, at the very least, we've never really heard anyone from the Federation complain about a lack of satisfactory M-class planets.

Of course as represented by the North American Indians (TNG's term, not mine) that had settled on Dorvan V, from the perspective of the colonists, they had roots and distinctive cultural identities that they desired to have respected and felt warranted their own planets. From the Federation's perspective, these are people who have barely settled their worlds and one world should be as good as another. If you run the numbers through "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" then this starts looking even more tilted towards the Federation's perspective.

Now the counter argument is the bog standard opposition to authoritarianism and violent revisionists argument. This is the argument that the moral responsibility for avoiding catastrophic loss of life is on the one who is the first to use violence to try to advance their interests, at least at the level of astropolitics. In this framing it is not the responsibility of the Federation to mollify the Cardassians by conceding on irrational fears or immoral demands.

A cynical reading of this argument might find within it the notion that the Federation should just do what it wants, as long as its consistent with the Federation's values, and if the Cardassians have a problem with it up to the point of attacking, then the Federation should fight back and not stop until it reaches Cardassia and overthrows the military junta in charge or at the very least, removes any Cardassian presence from Federation borders and denudes Cardassian capacity to strike across the border.

The idea here being that conceding to the Cardassians rewards them for their willingness to use violence to achieve their goals, which further incentivizes them to use violence, and arguably did incentivize them to use violence as evidenced by accusations of poisoning wells and damaging infrastructure to drive ex-Federation citizens off the worlds that were ceded to the Cardassian Union.

But this argument has always contained within it the implicit assumption that the Federation had the capacity to rollback Cardassian warmaking capability and to keep up pressure on the Cardassians until the Cardassians cry uncle. A war in which millions died and where the Federation is trading away planets is not one that seems to imply the Federation had the capacity to hammer the Cardassians until they relented or there was a deficit of will to fight this war to the hilt, recognizing that pushing the war all the way to the orbit of Cardassia Prime would result in Union space being ungoverned and insecure until the infrastructure and ships were replaced.

Anyone who has watched the outcomes of the Global War on Terror or the various civil wars and revolutions that have happened in recent years should be very cognizant that a lack of order and security often results in problems being exported to adjacent regions. Problems meaning traumatized and impoverished refugees seeking safety and sustenance in places ill equipped to provide for them materially and often with some or a lot of mutual incoherence and mistrust happening at the cultural level as norms clash. Problems also meaning unaccounted for military equipment finding its way into the hands of revolutionaries, terrorists, and pirates who pursue their own goals and survival needs through the use of weapons on anyone who has something worth taking.

The United States did not kill a million or more people in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other MENA region countries through the use of weapons from 2001 to date. Iraq from 1991 to 2001 didn't have a million excess deaths* because of bombs detonating in people's homes, those deaths resulted from damage to infrastructure and internal supply chains because civilization is actually rather fragile and even people we regard as "less developed" are not meaningfully closer to nature and more resilient than we in the WEIRD category. If anything they exist in a more delicate state because they are often living on more marginal and stressed land with infrastructure that lacks redundancies or substantial state capacity to move people and resources around quickly to address sudden need.

*It should be noted that while these figures are widely quoted, the methodology has been questioned. I would encourage readers who want to get their historical facts correct to examine the evidence and decide whether Iraq sanctions are something one wants to use in a context other than describing the potential consequences of a fictional war.

When considering how to deal with Russia and its invasion of Ukraine, there are moral debates about how hard to press the civilian economy. Namely because so much of the infrastructure and daily necessities of life in modern countries count as "dual use." As in there are legitimate civilian uses that it doesn't seem productive to deny people: transistors are essential for access to information - both state controlled but also outside channels, and operate everything from thermostats to live saving medical equipment. The distinction between a transistor appropriate for running an insulin pump and one for a hypersonic missile is increasingly blurry.

An analogy could easily be drawn to isolinear chips and replicators. We in the fandom often assume that the Federation's ability to be precise in its application of lethal violence is practically omniscient and omnipotent, and that with its august technology, it has been liberated from having to make hard decisions. Yet if the Federation wants to destroy the warmaking capability of the Cardassians, how "deep" into the Cardassian infrastructure does it need to go?

Can you imagine Captain Picard sleeping well at night after calling a senior staff meeting to debate the legitimacy of striking a fusion reactor in a dense urban area that has been unplugged from the civilian grid and hooked up to an industrial replicator pumping out photon torpedo thrusters?

Further, the moral and political science assumptions of the Federation seem to rule out the idea that Cardassian civilians suffering and dying is an appropriate form of justice for Federation lives nor does suffering seem to predictably and reliably lead to revolution. Historical evidence is at best mixed and perhaps even damning. Try wrapping your head around the idea that Russian forces continued to fight their foreign enemies in WW1 at the same time as different Russian formations were fighting each other during the civil war that broke out as a direct consequence of World War 1. In short, while the war had certainly radicalized much of the public, there was still a lot of anger and blame directed to those who had been killing Russians before Russians were killing Russians.

So what is the Federation to do?

Keep fighting a war it probably wasn't technically losing but definitely didn't seem to be winning?

And perhaps the Federation couldn't win without paying a cost in both Federation and Cardassian lives, many of whom might be noncombatants, that was unpalatable?

What was it supposed to do after Wolf 359?

Postscript:

A bit more about the plot of the episode itself. "Journey's End" is probably one of the best TNG moral dilemma episodes. There are critiques to be made obviously. That the Indigenous people depicted seem to be a bit generic to the uneducated eye and do not claim a specific tribal / national identity feels weird at the end of 2024, but it also provokes an interesting discussion about the degree to which there isn't already a lot of syncretism among peoples who have experienced massive depopulation and loss of political agency, whether through intentional genocides, loss of territory, or disease. Its not hard to imagine this "North American Indian" identity found on Dorvan V being a syncretic identity that emerged in the 2100s once interstellar colonization really took off. Its strongly implied to be a "fresh start" movement that was itself controversial and many indigenous North Americas opted not to join them; but its membership could be plausibly drawn from many cultural identities.

However, the moral dilemma at the heart of the episode is handled with exquisite care and steadfastly refuses to make anyone objectively the bad guy. Every Federation character, even hardline consequentialist Admiral Nechayev, is respectful to the people of Dorvan V and mindful of their historical trauma even as it recognizes that the Federation's own interests are largely incompatible with respecting their demands.

Even Gul Evek, the named Cardassian leader of the show, relents after an impassioned plea from Picard. Evek admits to losing two out of three sons in the war and speculates that if the Dorvan V inhabitants leave the Cardassians alone, they will be left alone. Evek was convincing at least to this member of the audience. The framing felt hopeful rather than like everyone was being asked to swallow a Targ dung sandwich.

In checking to make sure I spelled his name correctly, I've become aware that Evek becomes a recurring character and I'm intrigued to see if there are clues to be found as to whether you could argue that he was lying or that events took on a life of their own and Evek was simply proven wrong. Its possible that Dorvan V was largely spared but the Obsidian Order or other elements of the Cardassian government decided to act in places it thought the Federation wouldn't be paying as close attention and the radicalization of the Maquis in turn radicalized Evek.

After all, since that the Cardassian Union was in effect waging a proxy war in the Demilitarized Zone, it would take little to convince some Cardassians that a guerilla movement with ex-Starfleet in almost all command roles and using Federation hardware represented a Federation proxy war with top level support. Which would in turn require the Federation to at least make some efforts at combating the Maquis in order to sell the Cardassians on the idea that the Maquis are not a plausibly deniable arm of Starfleet Intelligence.

But the Maquis are obviously are going to do what they need to do to defend their worlds, whether its their actual colonies or because they object to Starfleet sitting on its hands in the face of reports of atrocities.

In retrospect, for an era that was just testing the waters for multi-season arcs, this is such smart and tragic world building. Unlike say, the plot to destroy Qonos in Discovery or the anti-Changeling bioweapon being the Chekov's gun necessary to resolve the Dominion War, very little about the Maquis arc feels contrived and much more well supported by the world building around it.

[anakinfolkloredreams13]

Big congratulations to our amazing, Obi wan Kenobi!!❤️

I got emotional and warm feelings, seeing the two of them together again. I love their friendship, Hayden is so sweet too hehe. They both seem like really amazing, respectful, humble and friendly people. I would love to be able to meet both of them together in person one day. I can always dream lol ❤️

I was 15 years old when I first watched Revenge of the Sith back in 2008.

After watching their amazing performances, I had always been a Star wars fan because of them. Anakin and Obi wan will always be my forever favorite characters❤️.

Star wars has always been a part of my life and has helped me get through some difficult struggles during my childhood. I had always struggled with trying to fit in and it wasn't an easy task to feel like I had to live up to specific social expectations and I also struggled with my mental health and confidence, but I always kept trying and I'm still trying and thriving today. Being able to enjoy these prequels really opened my eyes and taught me about life and helped me grow as a human and understand about the actions of the choices you make in life.

Thank you Ewan and Hayden for continuing to give me hope and light during my worst days ❤️

I hope Hayden will be next to him on the Walk of Fame one day too. I just hope he has the high ground this time though 😂

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/663370772509802496/do-you-know-what-the-origin-of-the-sold-to-one

So I was looking at this old post of yours (in your fandom meta tag) and has anyone else noticed that Hogwarts AU fanfic and meta about if this or that character from another fandom would be Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw has completely disappeared? I assume that this is related to JKR’s transphobia making her (understandably) persona non grata to a lot of online queer people of the kind who dominate fanfic fandom at least on AO3 (I’m less familiar with Wattpad or other corners of fandom that are overwhelmingly cishet and writing het, and the Bridgerton drama has taught me a lot about just how out of pace a lot of them are with even elementary queer stuff, yeesh). but I was wondering if others have noticed that. It did seem to really start to crater around 2019-20 when she stopped being coy and blaming it on “middle aged moments,” and started openly making transphobic tweets and writing essays about it rather than just “liking” others’. Like when I was into Yuri on Ice circa 2016-18, it was still all over that fandom, even though people were already souring on the actual official franchise stuff such as those terrible Fantastic Beasts movies.

So I’m mostly active in anime, JRPG and Western genre TV fandoms so I was curious if this was also happening elsewhere. I’m also wondering if the fact that actual HP fandom seems to be increasingly divorced from canon (like fanon pairings of characters who never interacted in canon being the most popular lately) is related to this too.

Cuz having a Hogwarts AU used to be a sign that a fandom had Arrived. I remember in 2016 you saw people doing house sortings for the people on the frickin 538 political podcast. Now I never see any of that even with huge fandoms.

It’s interesting to me given that it feels like her transphobia hasn’t dented much of her popularity with non online nerd culture. Like the third Fantastic Beasts movie failed but those had never been good and had been declining in box office numbers already. But the Hogwarts Legacy game sold really well. You still see HP in stores all over the place with other nerd culture staples like Star Wars and Marvel. Still constantly see brands doing collabs. I often find non online friends and family, including many who are genuine allies to the trans people in their lives, who have no idea about her transphobia. Or they’ve only heard a little and assume it’s some weird insular online culture thing that is just fans nitpicking, maybe having heard about some other Twitter “canceling” over nothing and figuring it’s like that. They’re always shocked and horrified when I tell them what she’s actually saying and doing.

--

Interesting question.

For me, as an Old, it just feels like Hogwarts AUs are part of my childhood, and why wouldn't they be less common now? But realistically, if they actually are declining, it does mean something.

There's no way for us to know if the "Would X be a Hufflepuff?" posts are really a thing of the past. That could be a question of whom one follows or of fans leaving one's platform. But we can at least poke at some AO3 tags and see if they show a pattern.

The relevant tags are Alternate Universe - Hogwarts and its metatag Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting.

There are 21,426 works in the metatag. Obviously, not everything uses the tag, but it's a starting point. (Some cursory playing with filters on big tags makes me think that maybe around 3/4 of HP AUs are actually tagged with a relevant AU tag.)

If we look at the AU tag itself, the numbers have come down in the last few years. (This year is obviously only half over, so we'd expect those numbers to be smaller.)

But we have to take into account how big the archive itself was. It's been growing significantly since it opened to staff accounts in late 2008 and then more widely in late 2009, so the overall rise doesn't mean much, but the recent drop might.

It does seem like there's a downward trend lately, but it doesn't look like it's falling off a cliff.

[opal-owl-flight]

7. Do they take part in ink battles? What kind and how often?

Absolutely! Inksport leagues are what most of the NSS do outside of agent duties. Theyre a major part of most Inkfish's lives in my writing, a lot of the themes I explore revolve around uh. Sport Movie kinda dealios BAHAHAH (alongside rhe Horrors but shh. When it comes to ocs outside the NSS, Inksports are the main focus)

3s a turf war legend both topside and underground. They were there when the sport was something only the delinquents did, unregulated and dangerous, matches that moved at a fast pace and where they had to leave IMMEDIATELY after or be caught by the authorities. Squid Force eventually found this sport and started sponsoring a safer, more regulated version of it. 3 rose up the ranks all the same (while complaining abt how EASY it is now). Theyve been here since the start. Their splashtag is whispered in awe ans reverence. They are usually followed around by a gaggle of fans or press (please leave them alone qoskw). They still participate in trench turf to satisfy their desire to turf like the good old days. 4 and 8 and Neo3 have no clue about it. They show up with new light scarring and people think its from agent stuff they do on their own -- nope!!

They also play ranked. Tower Control is their favorite mode! Positioning is critical in all modes, but this one has some very specific spots they can exploit and the battles have a flow thats easily readable to them. Its the same route every time! Opposing teams move in pretty specific ways! Its like chess to them. Massages their brain just right.

4s a rising star in the turf leagues. She was great at it back in her hometown in the highlands (the sport has been established here for awhile), but she feels that people are intentionally throwing their matches against her because shes a clan singer. She wanted to have the Real Deal. Moving to Inkopolis, she had a taste of what real turf matches are like...and saw how much more brutal they are. She grit her beak and learned, explosively, in fact, how to play properly. She rose up the ranks quickly the second she found her main weapon class. Shes only ever played topside turf but she is a force to be reckoned with. 3 complains that the new regulations made the game "easier", but someone who grew with the rules can see that its added more complexity. You cant just brute force everything in here. 4 weaves around these added limitations with ease. One can argue shes just as good as 3, if not better...

Her favorite ranked mode is (obviously) Rainmaker. Sneaking around, getting up close and personal with the carrier or their teammates clumped around them is something she greatly enjoys. Holding the nuke itself also gives her quite the rush!! Literally. Shes so beefy that she can carry it faster than the rest of her team (Judd flags her for that, she has to slow herself down to keep the game fair for everyone else). The Rainmaker mode is also reminiscent of some of the ceremonies she does/participates in back in the highlands. Its her job in those ceremonies to call the rain. It involves moving from place to place, carrying a relic that will make her voice heard to the heavens. Despite her not liking how suffocated she was in her homeland, she admits that she misses it, as well.

8 is relatively new to the turf scene. Shes always yearned to be a part of it, back when she was still underground. Now that shes on the surface, she frankly doesnt understand why its such a big deal anymore. Its just a game?? Why are people sweating over this?? And why is all this violence so revered here?? I think her general dislike for combat/conflict may be due to her being raised in a wartime context. She got out of that life, shes not going to go back to it. Still, bc she adores hanging out with 4 (and later 3), she plays the more casual turf war leagues. She occasionally plays ranked modes (splat zones are a favorite), but she tends to stick to the casual side of things. The high octane action and vigilance of the pro leagues makes her uncomfortable...

Neo3 is very new to the turf scene. She compares it to the sacred salmon runs that shes been a lucky witness to (its her only point of reference, bless her hearts). A fight for honor! A fight to the death! And you get to keep living after them? Its the best of both worlds! She enjoys terrorizing the opposing team in any mode. Shes as tenacious and as stubborn as a salmonid that easily slithers over enemy ink. Hitting from blind spots. Easily overwhelms foes with strength and numbers. As annoying as a flyfish. Occasionally, she claws and bites her opponents...which gets her flagged down by Judd. Its fine!! Shes having fun here!

Her favorite ranked mode is definitely Clam Blitz. In salmonid spawning season, the survivors of the runs gather the dropped eggs around the battleground into the nesting grounds to hatch them. Neo3 is reminded of that time as she gathers clams. She defends them as if they were eggs. (And then you see her trying to crack the clams open so she can eat them after the match....)

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

medialog june 2k24

watched

wordplay - rewatched this documentary about crosswords and particularly about the annual crossword tournament put on by will shortz while waiting for the anesthesia from my wisdom tooth extraction to wear off and found it about as charming as i remembered... i love a doc about a subculture made up of endearing nerds. i first saw it when it came out and on revisit it also has some intensely 2004 vibes - in particular jon stewart shows up as one of their crossword-fans talking heads and it really brought home for me how influential he was on the development of internet tone (like to this day the reason so many people on reddit sound Like That is because they're trying to be jon stewart and failing...)

the bourne ultimatum - movie go zoom zoom! still not convinced matt damon can act

artists and models - i had never seen a dean martin/jerry lewis film before and i don't really want to again but i'm glad i saw this one (this is how i feel about the two (2) wes anderson movies i've seen, and also pulp fiction & tarantino). some great colors & costumes, a plot that goes surprisingly bonkers in a final third turn that reminds you it was the cold war (between that and all the stuff about comics & violence this one also functions as a real time capsule), and (my main reason for watching) shirley maclaine the love of my life is so adorable and funny as a daffy sweetheart in a role that really lets her (a former dancer) show off her gift for physical comedy.

the secret garden - the cast in this movie is so good, including the children in the starring roles, and while it doesn't even attempt to do anything with the book's deranged relationship with things like the british empire and the concept of disability, watching it really did bring me back to why the book has been so beloved - the fantasy at its heart is ultimately about hard humble work paying off and about friends teaching each other to be nicer, which are i think deeply appealing narratives for children in a way that people sometimes forget. it's so funny that part of what cures mary and colin of their bad personalities is meeting another unhappy rich child for the very first time!

humanist vampire seeking consenting suicidal person - this was slight but sweet, a darkly funny romcom with some style and heart. also i had never seen a french-canadian movie before i don't think and it was a fun surprise to hear them talking like "frenchfrenchfrenchfrenchRRRRfrenchfrenchRRRR." not an accent with which i have much familiarity!

jurassic park - my somewhat inexplicable, even to me, aversion to raiders of the lost ark had me avoiding action spielberg for basically my whole life but i gave this a shot thinking maybe i would appreciate it if not enjoy it and was absolutely GLUED to the screen from about five minutes in. i understand why other directors are like that about spielberg now, and also what jj abrams is trying to do all the time and failing because he doesn't understand how it actually works. this is like the most famous movie in the world basically and i've seen so many clips from it over the years and yet even waiting for them and expecting them to come i was ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT! like WOW! truly a movie that feels like a theme park ride more than any other i've seen except maybe fury road. anyway as you statistically speaking probably already know this movie absolutely rocks, and not just for (1) laura dern and (2) jeff goldblum with his tits out.

citizen kane - spent the last weekend in june at two different marches & closed it out sunday night with a screening of the movie that made me bisexual <3 one day i'll figure out a way to articulate how this movie did what it did to me but for now i will just say that it is great and its reputation is deserved and orson welles is one of the most entertaining screen presences of all time and it looks so cool and beautiful all the way through and it is so so so so gay

interview with a vampire season 2 - my opinion on this is at this point well established lol finally some good fucking food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

read

megan abbott, the turnout - this & the zadie smith book are further steps in me catching up with authors i lost track of during some bad reading years! when i heard that megan abbott was coming out with a book about sisters who run a ballet school i was like LOL because that's like the peak ultimate megan abbott premise (girls and the nastiness of both feelings and bodies and ambition and hunger and an atmosphere of nightmares and filth and the insane dynamics of a tightly knit but deeply dysfunctional world, all to the nth power), and guess what as a megan abbott fan i loved it :) all the bad reviews on goodreads for this are like "why is this book so gross? why is she sexualizing the nutracker? there were scenes in this book that made me feel dirty reading them. way too much focus on the wet leotard crotches of little girls" and i was sickos dot jpg the whole time. but actually i think the reason that this wound up being my favorite abbott since dare me is that at its core it's a book about a woman with an unbelievably fucked up childhood due to her incredibly fucked up dead parents and the suspense that gives the book its tension and its form is less about what's going to happen with the plot and more about whether she is at any point going to put it together that the things that happened to her when she was young were actually bad; the further the book goes, the more deeply you understand the walls of denial and distortion around her entire life. it rules.

david j. skaal, something in the blood: the untold story of bram stoker, the man who wrote dracula - as previously mentioned, i have some real qualms with some of his dracula readings, but overall i found this an addictively pleasurable tome - 600 pages and he kept them turning the whole time. i love a biography that starts off with some background on medieval ireland, you know? skaal is a good writer with an engaging but learned style, and the book is clearly both exhaustively researched and intended for popular audiences (albeit popular audiences who have definitely read dracula, but, i mean, who else is reading 600 pages about this guy?); reading it often feels something like having a drink with a professor who knows his stuff and is NOT afraid to gossip. dracula qualms aside i may investigate some of his other books, particularly his book on dracula screen adaptations, since i'm curious about those but don't necessarily want to, like, watch most of them, lol

bonnie jo campbell, the waters - book club book that was objectively certainly not terrible and which had some things i did like or appreciate, like an 11 year old girl obsessed with math (representation matters...) but which i found just about the most boring thing i have read in my life. like i would definitely say campbell is a better writer than, say, taylor jenkins reid (to name another book club book) or whatsherface who wrote the book of fried green tomatoes which we also read las year... but i found those books much more aggravating but also easier to get through than this book, which really requires you to have some level investment in, like, the natural world of rural michigan, but mostly made me feel so glad i don't live in a small town where all the men have guns.

zadie smith, swing time - it's funny because when i started this i was spending a lot of time thinking about how maybe plot and structure have become underrated, but then this was like a very long book written in the style of someone just kind of talking at you about their life, with plot events technically happening but never feeling like the driving force of the book, and i was totally riveted, which was a good reminder that you can get away with anything if you're a genius! smith is just such a keen observer of people and how they operate, and so allergic to relying on any kind of obvious assumptions about the relationships between demographics & personality or beliefs, even as demographic realities are such a key part of the fabric of the book... i was a little worried i would be disappointed by the fact that she abandoned the modernist-leaning experimentation of NW for a more straightforward, even chatty, style, but "you can get away with it if you're a genius" applies to that too. this book is also an absolute masterclass in the universal through the specific - i cannot emphasize how much literally not one thing the protagonist experiences has ever happened to me, how much our lives and backgrounds and personalities overlap not at all, and yet constantly i found myself aching with resonance over things like "it's so true that's what it's like when you have a mom" or "that really is what it feels like when you are young and sort of smart but also sort of stupid" (which if i were to define it briefly is i think more or less what the book is about).

listened

charli xcx, brat - i remain after all these years a true romance truther and continue unfairly to measure all her subsequent work, much of which is frankly too sophisticated and experimental for my listening taste even if i recognize she's Doing Something, but this album sounds great and has some bops. as a straight-through listen it was too rich for my blood, but i find myself enjoying the songs on shuffle mixed in with whatever else i've been into more than i would have expected from that first exposure, and also 360 has been stuck in my head more waking hours than not for like a month and a half now and i'm still not sick of it (although i think my favorite song on the album is 365, and not just because i think it's really funny that she ended the album with "the opening track coming out of the bathroom after doing cocaine"). plus as someone who HAS been listening to charli since whenever the video for "you're the one" dropped it is nice to see The Culture finally rally around her even if i remain a little puzzled over why now, the all-star remixes getting rolled out have been pretty delightful (LORDE!!!!!!!!), and it's nice to have the zeitgeist coalesce for a moment over something i too think is fun (especially since the other thing gay people love this summer is chappell roan on whom i have yet to be converted sorry to everyone i'm sincerely glad you're having a good time)

[piglet26]

Reylo. Sorry, but it's not abusive

Star Wars is not selling abusive relationships to young girls nor conditioning them into aspiring to them. Reylo is not propaganda from disgruntled single middle aged woman. It wasn't promoting abusive relationships when Luke still found love for his father despite Darth Vader cutting off his hand. Luke fans, young and old, were not attacked as being dumb or needy for liking Luke or how he viewed his father. It damn sure wasn't considered abusive when Anakin choked Padme and she still held hope for him in her heart. Or, that Obi-Wan still held a love for Anakin despite everything Darth Vader had done. Then there was Reylo.

Being a Reylo is not something I feel I need to defend. Let me love what I love in peace. That's what I believe. I did not actually see any of the sequel trilogy until after it was concluded. I was not on any fandoms during the rollout and marketing for the films. Thank God. However, I have gathered enough to understand it was horrible how Reylos were being regarded. It was beyond patronizing. I'm not new to fandom, hell I've been on soap opera fandoms for quite some time and believe me that's a savage space, but wow.

I want to clarify some of the feedback against Reylo and reaffirm why it's such a compelling pairing. Further more, I regard it as an compelling attribute to the Star Wars universe that only added to the franchise.

Now I've seen the domination of woman twisted up and called romance (see Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray), but I don't think people understand WHY those relationship were as such. Rey, on her own, is one of the strongest and most badass female leads to ever appear on the big screen. Despite people thinking she doesn't have a personality she is a resourceful, tough, innocent, loyal, hopeful and strong. She has agency unlike Bella Swan. She is not sexualized by Kylo Ren unlike the 50 shades girl. Her gender is neither a hindrance nor an advantage. She has the agency to save herself, but she is also saved.

Which is really one of the main issues. There is the patronization of Rey as a character, the people who like her and the people who like the pairing. While those 50 shades of gray books didn't buy themselves rather than listening to why Reylos liked the pairing they were told why they did and then dismissed. Or, there's the men that wanted Rey to be with Finn because Finn was the "nice guy" who they identified with.

Rey doesn't need a love interest - not all heroines need love interests, but why does it imply she's weak if she does have a love interest? Heroes infamously have a female counterpart which helps make them viable. It doesn't make them any less interesting as an individual.

Kylo Ren and Rey are NOT a couple but instead representatives of opposing sides in a war. This is the most important part. From the get-go they have an intense dynamic. Both have had visions and dreams of the other and they recognize something in one another. Kylo Ren did kidnap Rey, however, if you consider fighting your enemies “abusive” or interrogating war prisoners as “domestic violence”.............well, that is odd.

As quotes about them

What if your soulmate in the Force was your enemy? Circumstance, pits them against each other, but the Force bonds them together. They understand each other almost from a point of view of fate. And yet, fate has made them enemies.

While Kylo Ren is fascinated by In the moments of the interrogation, gender and sexuality have nothing to do with Kylo’s actions. J.J. made the conscious choice to show us the same scene twice (Kylo Ren interrogating his enemies) so the audience can spot the differences between the two. Sorry J.J, you trusted people too much.

We're able to see very clear aggression and abuse come from Kylo Ren for Poe. He has zero interest in him personally. He needs information and he will get it. The force and his ability to read someone's mind is a tool within his disposal. Now why isn't Poe's interrogation considered sexual assault?

"You know I can take anything I want" HE CAN READ HER MIND! He's not talking about raping her for God's Sake! He asked her to freely provide information and she didn't want to. However, he has a tool to use against a girl adding his enemies - a tool he'll use if she doesn't want to snitch. She knows this he already read her mind - so why not give the information freely?!

Rey also invaded his mind, so did she mind-rape him too?

The line that fans almost never seem to talk about in The Force Awakens is when Kylo says to Rey “Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.” What did he feel? The best I'm able to understand is what they felt was their force dyad igniting or fulfilling.

Ren becomes personally invested in Rey. Not with her cause, or her affiliation with the Resistance, but with her and what he wants from her.

“Kylo chased Finn and Rey outside Starkiller Base to fight them! He threw Rey against a tree!” Well she was going to shoot him..... I would've thrown her against a tree to save myself. His issue in that moment was Finn. Finn was the "traitor" in questioned and his unfinished business. They fought, but really it was a dueling exercise. Kylo Ren wanted to test her skills and her powers. If he wanted her dead there was a convenient edge to push her over, hell he offered to teach her. Rey was the one to go ape and almost kill him.

Again, I'm not implying that they aren't messy - they are. For literary nerds this is why they are a compelling heroine/villain. Ultimately one will greatly affect the other. The tension in between them is why it's great.

Ben Solo, least we forget, is himself an abuse victim. This is canon. While Kylo Ren has learned abusive techniques, they are at war. Applying abusive characteristics to a fictional character in a war setting without any attempt to incorporate the story is bizarre. Why was he able for the first time to stand against his abuser? Rey. He couldn't stand up for himself but he stood up for her. Ultimately, Kylo Ren wanted to 'break the wheel" that's what he claimed. If he was honest, he'd admit he had no clue of how to do that.

Most abusers are charming and irresistible when you first meet them. Ben has NEVER dishonest with Rey about who he is. Rey is very aware of the horrible side of him and even refers to him as a monster. He affirms her accusation that he is a monster.

During their force bonds because of the nature of the bond Rey is in a position to hear him out and try to understand how he became the monster he is today. When she learns that he didn't become this on his own, that Luke, his parents and Snoke contributed to his downfall she had hope in him. It's also important to make the distinctions that when she has a vision of him, it's as Ben. It's like a bipolar personality. When Kylo Ren goes all Darcy marriage proposal - she reject him. She rightfully spurned him when he resorted to cruelty to sway her to his side. Rey turned down Kylo as long as he was the ’bad guy’, and only kissed him as Ben ’the good guy’.

“He only wants to use her for her power.” Oversimplification that Rey is actually guilty of. Kylo Ren is lonely and within Rey he finds not only an equal but the most intense emotional connection he's ever had. The most intense connection she's ever had. Let's not forget they are probably both virgins. Then they are in each other's head. That's intense. When Kylo makes his plea to Rey it's out of not only loneliness but truly wanting her for her.

Also, Kylo doesn’t say he wants them to rule together as “master and apprentice”. He wants Rey to be his empress, his queen which is what Rey means. He’s literally proposing by offering her the entire galaxy. Ultimately Reylos see them as two equally powerful archenemies dedicating themselves to defeating the other but also find themselves strangely drawn to each other in ways they might not want to admit. Then two soul mates on the other side of a conflict.

This is built on the idea that hate itself is a sort of twisted form of love. It is, or, rather hatred is born from things like fear, pain, betrayal and love. Their connection is complicated. One minutes they last out at one another and the next they lean into each other. People can regard this as toxic. Others, like myself, regard this as the gray side of love. Reylo represent the yin yang of the force. The light and the dark craving each other and finding themselves frustrated.

Notice how many hero/villains find themselves telling others that only they are allowed to kill/harm their nemesis, in a subconscious effort to protect their nemesis from others. And they may also get strangely jealous when their nemesis fights other people.

Other people give this argument because they believe the popularity of antiheroes in media is a sign of society’s moral decay. The First Order for all we know is not a fascist society. We have no idea the ideology of the First Order. We know their clothing was inspired by the Nazis.

Red String of Fate: the two connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break

Kylo Ren and Rey BOTH want to be together, believe in the other, but are held back by their individual idea of what means. How is that abusive?! Maybe it's back to thinking little girls won't be able to understand the complexity of Reylo. Huh, well little boys can understand the complexity of Batman and Joker. If little boys are smart enough to realize the difference between fiction and reality and are able to watch a love/hate relationship between a good guy and a bad guy, I’m pretty sure the girls can handle it too. Rey has hope and belief that Kylo Ren can be good, she won't stay by his side while he's doing bad.

What is Reylo? In a way. Iconic

[marsbarsfrommars]

alone with you (the only heaven I'll be sent to)

star wars: the high republic | rated t | complete | 2,344 words | avar kriss/elzar mann | fluff, a little hurt/comfort

summary

She nods and simply says the only thing she has to, “I understand.” 

“I knew you would,” he responds with a certainty that makes Avar's heart seize. 

or, in a quiet moment post-chapter 53, avar finds out about elzar almost dying on grizal

read

under the cut or on ao3 for better formatting

notes

first of all, this is dedicated to the person who headcannoned that elzar has burn scars on his hands from crashing his vector on grizal. I've tried, but I can't find their post, so if anyone knows whose post I'm talking about, please comment so I can tag them here.

edit: it's the lovely @ledalausnows and you should definitely check out her posts bc she's super cool!!

also, a huge shout out to the thr fans on tumblr: if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have finished this. thank you for all your support and I hope you enjoy this <3

this is the first time in at least six years that I've actually finished one of my wips, so while I'm a little proud of this, the quality might be questionable. my perfectionism made me proof read this so many times I could probably recite it from memory so I hope this is readable and I fixed all major mistakes. anyways, I hope you enjoy this

also, english isn't my first language, so please just ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes

content warning for mentions of scars, injuries, near-death experiences and past major character death. none of this is in any way graphic but I wanted to mention it anyways

The overhead lights in Avar’s quarters are turned down to a dim glow, and it's quiet apart from the gentle hum of the ship's engines. The night cycle must have started a while ago, but neither of them had noticed; both of them were too wrapped up in each other. Now, though, they're resting. Elzar on his back in her bunk, one arm gently wrapped around her with his hand lazily caressing her waist, and Avar on her stomach, half resting on his chest, the fabric of his shirt soft under her wandering hands. 

It's nice like this—peaceful. For a moment, Avar allows herself to forget about their upcoming task, about the possible danger the future holds, and just exist in this moment with Elzar. She feels more at peace than she has in months, possibly years. She slowly runs her hand down Elzar’s arm and intertwines her fingers with his, her thumb softly brushing over the back of his hand. The motion is familiar; they've held hands more times than she can count in those weeks since she escaped the Occlusion Zone, but there's something that makes her pause. It only takes her a moment to realise that tonight is the first time since that fateful night in the garden on Starlight Beacon that they've held hands without the barrier of Elzar’s gloves between them. Elzar wearing gloves is in itself nothing out of the ordinary for a Jedi; most of them routinely wear them as part of their robes, which explains why she hasn't noticed it before. Now that she really thinks about it though, it does strike her as odd that she can't remember seeing him without gloves even once since their reunion. 

She slowly brushes her thumb over the back of Elzar’s hand again. The skin feels rougher in some spots. Avar knows the feeling of scars, enough of them are covering her own body, but she can't recall Elzar ever suffering an injury to his hands that would cause scarring this significant. She raises their intertwined hands to his chest, and sure enough, a thin web of healed fine-line and burn scars covers the back of his hand and wrist. An uneasy feeling settles in her stomach. What happened to Elzar to leave his hands scarred like this, and why wouldn't he tell me? 

Elzar, sensing the subtle change in her demeanour, chooses precisely this moment to open his eyes and look up at her. And for a moment, as silly as it may sound, she feels overwhelmed by the sheer force of her feelings for him. She had missed him for years, and sometimes, even though it's been months since their reunion, she still can't believe she doesn't have to anymore. Avar is certain he already knows what she wants to ask about, but he doesn't say anything, waiting for her to take the first step, so she does. 

“These aren't recent.” It's a remark, not a question. She knows Elzar will tell her everything without her having to ask. There are no secrets between them; nothing is left unspoken. Not anymore. The thought makes a familiar warmth bloom in her chest. 

“No.” Elzar’s voice is soft, reserved for the quiet of quarters and whispered secrets after dark. “I got them on Grizal when my Vector crashed. The healers at the Temple did their best and apparently Bacta also helped a lot, but they couldn't prevent the scars.”

Avar furrows her brow. “I didn't know you were injured on Grizal.” She feels Elzar's body tense ever so slightly underneath her, anyone else wouldn't have noticed, but him and her—and Stellan, of course—have always shared an unusually deep connection, and now they're as attuned to each other as they haven't been in years, perhaps ever. 

“It was at the end of the battle. We thought we were winning, but we didn't know there were Nameless on Grizal. I don't remember this part at all, and most of what came after is pretty blurry in my head, but Stellan later told me that he saw my Vector go straight down. I don't understand why, but I must have passed out when the Nameless appeared. My Vector caught fire when it crashed, and the cockpit bubble shattered. I wasn't wearing gloves that day, that's why the damage to my skin there was so severe. Ty pulled me out, saved my life. I don't remember anything after, but I know Stellan was with me.” 

Avar takes a moment to process all of this. When she finally speaks, her tone isn't accusatory, there may be a tinge of hurt to it though. “Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Stellan?” she asks. Before Elzar can answer, a terrible thought takes shape in her mind. “It's not that you thought I wouldn't care, is it?” 

No matter what happened, she had never and would never stop caring about Elzar and Stellan. She knows without a doubt that it's the same for them, but she and Elzar hadn't spoken for a year at that point, and her relationship with Stellan had already been strained, so what if they had started to doubt her? Avar lowers her head. She's not sure she can look him in the eyes when he answers, the possibility of what she'll see there—of what he'll see in her—too overwhelming. 

Elzar draws his hand away from her waist to gently cup her face and tilt her head up until her eyes meet his again. His gaze is earnest and there's an urgency in it—he needs her to believe what he says next. She already knows she will before he can utter a single word because she trusts him implicitly, and she knows that trust is mutual. 

“No, I never thought that, I promise.” He pauses for a second and takes a deep breath, “And I know that Stellan didn't either.” 

Avar lets out a shuddering breath and tries to quell her bubbling emotions, which threaten to spill over at his words. Even so, her voice sounds a little shaky when she asks, “Are you sure?” 

Elzar nods sincerely. “I am. Stellan wanted to comm you, but I told him not to. We argued about it, and he relented in the end.” 

The sheer relief she feels at his reassurance is dampened by one burning question, but she doesn't have to ask for him to tell her. 

“I wanted you to know, I really did, but you were halfway across the galaxy fighting the Drengir and I didn't want you to be distracted.” He briefly averts his eyes, as if he's unsure about his next sentence, before he says, “I thought if you found out, you'd want to come see me, but we both know you couldn't have, and I didn't want to make it harder on you.” 

Part of her wants to argue, wants to protest that she would have come if only she had known. But Elzar is right; she couldn't have. Still, she wishes someone had told her. But of course he wouldn't want that, she should have known. Elzar tends to view himself as selfish, but she has always known him to put the wellbeing of others, particularly hers and Stellans, above his own. 

“And later?” she prompts gently. It's certainly not a conversation either of them had expected to have tonight, and she never wants to push him, but they've spent so much time keeping things to themselves in fear of crossing a line that hardly existed in the first place, and what good did it do them? 

“As bizarre as it sounds, almost dying wasn't the worst experience I had that week.” Now it's his voice that sounds shaky. The experience has clearly affected him more than he's currently letting on, understandably so, and Avar sends a burst of warmth through the Force. 

“When I was fully healed, everything was still so chaotic after Valo and Grizal, and there was so much going on that it just didn't seem that important.” Avar hates that he thinks that way but doesn't interrupt him; there will be time for reassurance later. “I got used to the scars fairly quickly, and even though they should be a constant reminder, I hardly think about it now. And I don't wish to. I've made my peace with everything that happened and everything I did then, I truly did, but I still don't like to remember it.” 

Avar understands, of course she does. Enough bad things have happened to her in these last few years that she's made peace with, as is the Jedi way, but still doesn't like to think of. They're the same in that way. She nods and simply says the only thing she has to, “I understand.” 

“I knew you would,” he responds with a certainty that makes Avar's heart seize. 

There's a pause in their conversation then, both of them processing and coming to terms with what was and what hasn't yet been said. Avar is the one to break it when she says, “Please never do that again.” 

Elzar quirks an eyebrow, the tension caused by their conversation slowly melting away. It seems he has decided that the heavy part of their conversation is over, which Avar truly doesn't mind. “Which part? Almost dying or not telling you about it?” 

“Oh, do shut up,” Avar says, but there's no heat to it, just affectionate warmth. 

Elzar laughs softly and pulls her down for a gentle kiss. Far too soon, Avar pulls away again and cups his face with her free hand, her thumb gently stroking his cheek. This time it's her who needs him to believe her next words. Her voice is soft yet insistent when she says, “I care about you, El. I don't want you to get hurt. And if you do, I want to be by your side if it's in any way possible. And even if I can't be, I want to at least know, please.” 

Elzar nods, every trace of playfulness gone from his face and replaced by sincerity. “I know, and I promise you, the next time anything of the sort happens to me, I will tell you.” 

Avar nods as well. “Good.” 

A slow smile spreads across his face at that and the tenderness in his eyes is almost overwhelming. Avar thinks if she had a mirror, she'd surely see it reflected in her own eyes. 

Elzar turns his head and presses a gentle kiss to the inside of her wrist, and she feels the familiar warmth spread in her chest once again, chasing away the last remnants of distress. 

She leans down to press her lips to his once again, their connection in the Force glowing with love and understanding, making her feel almost giddy. 

The kiss turns heated when Avar slides the hand still cupping Elzar’s check back into his hair, her fingers tangling in the soft strands, pressing her lips to his with more urgency. Elzar responds in kind by wrapping his arm around her waist once again and pulling her as close as their current position allows. She feels butterflies in her stomach at that, like when she was seventeen and kissed him for the first time. It amazes her that time and distance haven't dulled the effect he's always had on her in the slightest, but then again, how could they? He's Elzar, after all, her Elzar. 

They don't belong to each other, of course not; there's no possessiveness to their love. But they belong with each other; side by side always. They both know it and the Force rings true with it. 

They break apart, eyes closed and foreheads still pressed together. The kiss has left both of them breathless, as kisses like this often do. Once they've recovered enough to open their eyes and ever so slightly pull away from each other, and Avar really gets to look at him again, she is hit with the realisation of just how beautiful Elzar is like this. She doesn't think there has ever been a moment where she hasn't thought of him as beautiful, but seeing him like this is something else entirely. The dim glow of the overhead lights is reflected in his dark eyes, his hair disheveled from where she ran her hands through it earlier, a soft smile gracing his lips. A sight that's reserved just for her. 

Avar's musings are interrupted when Elzar starts to speak again, his voice still sounding a little breathless. “Avar, I…,” he begins but then trails off, unable to finish his sentence. It doesn't bother Avar. She knows. 

She pulls their still-intertwined hands up to press a gentle kiss to his knuckles, then the back of his hand, then his wrist. She feels his sharp intake of breath more than hears it, and when she meets his eyes, he's gazing at her with a look in his dark eyes Avar can't quite place. Later, she will come to recognise it as pure, unfiltered devotion. 

“Stars, Avar,” he murmurs. 

Elzar seems to know exactly what she's thinking—or maybe he just shares the sentiment—because he kisses her again, his hand slipping under her shirt to gently caress the bare skin of her waist. It's an exquisite kiss, and for the moment Avar allows herself to get lost in it, in this, until the only thoughts in her head are how lovely it is to feel so at peace, and Elzar. Always, always Elzar. 

“What is it?” she asks. For a split-second, she's scared she's overstepped, but Elzar just shakes his head and leans up to brush his lips against hers in a tender kiss that ends far too quickly for her liking. If it were up to her, he'd never stop kissing her, she thinks, only slightly bothered by the fact that she sounds like a character in one of those stereotypical Jedi romance novels Kantam and her used to read to each other for fun in their Padawan days. 

[cohawk-canoe]

Cohawk Week Rules & FAQ

First, let me pause to call your attention to the super fun banner image above! It was made by the long-suffering @taibhrigh42 and I am very grateful!

Here are some rules and a FAQ for the event.

RULES

Have fun.

Support your fellow fans.

Stay on target re: prompts, posting dates, and which ship this event is about.

Read the last FAQ about what flavors of content are prohibited from the event and understand that it is about personal preference for your one and only mod, not moral judgments of any kind.

FAQ

What is Cohawk Week and, uh...why is it called Cohawk?

Listen, portmanteau ship names are all the rage and not only is Wooley's defining characteristic in canon his mohawk, but I do love a good pun. So...Cody + Mohawk = Cohawk.

Cohawk week is an event for fandom creators in the Star Wars: The Clone Wars fandom. It celebrates the relationship between Commander Cody and Clone Trooper Wooley in any and all forms including (but not limited to): sexual, romantic, platonic, and subject to the command structure of the GAR.

When is Cohawk Week?

Cohawk Week 2024 begins Sunday, September 22 and runs through Sunday the 29th. There is also one bonus day on September 30. Just because.

Will you accept late works?

Yes, the collection on AO3 will remain open until October 31st and the Cohawk-Canoe Tumblr account will reblog works tagged with the #cohawk week 2024 tag for 10 days after the end of the event.

What kinds of fan works are welcome for Cohawk Week?

All types of fan works are welcome; fic, podfic, digital art, traditional art...anything you create is great.

Do I have to make something for each day of the week?

Absolutely not! You are free to create (or read/take in) fan works for one day or for all of them.

Can I mix and match prompts?

You can, but please post them on the day of the latter prompt. For example, if you take a prompt from Day 1 and combine it with a prompt from Day 4, the work should be posted on Day 4. If you are posting multi-chapter fics that mix and match prompts, please try to match your posting dates to the prompt days as closely as possible and add an author's note if they do not align.

Can other characters (or ships) be included?

Yes, but please keep the focus on Cody and Wooley in whatever form you see their relationship taking and please tag appropriately for all ships and characters.

Are NSFW/Explicit works allowed?

Explicit works are allowed (and encouraged), but MUST be tagged properly on AO3 and labeled with the appropriate Major Archive Warnings. Tumblr contributions must also be properly tagged and have appropriate community labels applied.

Where is Cohawk Week happening?

There is a collection on AO3 that is cleverly titled Cohawk Week 2024 and a tumblr named Cohawk Canoe (because it's bigger than a pool noodle, but not actually a ship yet). You are free to post works wherever else you like on the internet, but please link to them from your tumblr and tag Cohawk Canoe so they can be reblogged as part of the event.

The event tags on tumblr are: #cohawk week 2024 and #cohawk week

Since this is the first year of the event, there will be no Discord server. If interest remains high and the event is repeated in 2025, odds are a server will be created.

If you are unfamiliar with how AO3 Collections work, please review the FAQ.

Which versions (Legends/Canon) of Wooley are acceptable?

Any and all --even the one where he was supposed to be a medic. He does not have much of a presence in the Clone Wars show, so feel free to expand on his personality as you see fit.

Is there anything that is prohibited content?

Without the intent of harshing anyone's buzz, I am the only mod for this event and would prefer that works not include the following: animal cruelty, non-con, graphic violence involving characters under the (species equivalent) age of 16 (8 for clones), and sexual content involving characters under the (species equivalent) age of 16 (8 for clones)

This is a matter of personal preference, not moral judgement. Please do write any of the above if that is what brings you joy and please share them far and wide outside of Cohawk Week.

Questions? Comments? Gripes? Either DM me or ask in the comments please!

Prompts are coming soon. Hopefully on July 1.

[lovestuckstarz]

🎯Something Blue: Where it began + HCs🫐

I made this originally on twitter but due to post limitations I wanted to rant here! :D In this, I will be describing where I found Something New, why I ship Killer with Blue but not 100% as big a fan as other ships, and so on and so forth. At the very end I will list my headcanons with them :)

In 2018 on July 25th (my birthday) is the first evidence I have of ever liking this ship. The reason I know of this date is due the the image below made by @/jamesjp-things-blog and how I had a cropped version on roblox (I roleplayed shush) and it was a RP of them LOL

I believe sometime after, I found the swap vs killer animation and believed that was all and shipped them and RPed them with my ex n roblox because yeah cringe! Here is the old Killerberry ship kid I made for archive purposes (shes so ugly) + the where it started wall

Moving on! I don't exactly remember where my ideas for the ship went as in 2018 is when I left the fandom space of undertale and bullied myself out of it since Underswap was my favorite and I love all versions of swap and that was around the time the fandom hated those people

In april of 2024 (hey this year!) I decided that hating something I love with every fiber in my being was dumb so gradually came back. I started off embracing my old love for Nightberry (fan since 2016) and Horrorberry (I do not remember), two other ships i loved in the old days

Thats when I became good friends with Mae (hi) and they started talking about their AU and story and my little worm self talked about Horrorberry, Dustberry, and Nightberry but just ignored Killerberry as I forgot my love for it. IDRM what exactly was said but yeah

THE RAHAF JUICY BITS

Then Mae showed me something. The start of the Killer VS Swap comic. I only knew the animation and NONE of this was in it. (Credit to rahaf) Seeing this changed my whole view on them, but it continues.

The part the hit me the most was when Blue was upset he couldn't save Killer despite the fact he nearly killed the guy which opened me to the world of toxic yaoi /silly. Jokes aside, it showed me how well and under looked these characters are together.

But why them? Well answer is: Every instance of them together while negative is only negative on Killer's behalf. Color had negative moments with Killer even if it got positive could end up being a nightingale syndrome scenario and how I see Blue and Killer strays far from this, NM is NM and Dream while he did feel positivity from Killer, Dreams motives just makes the ship feel icky to me but no hate! Outer is just a crack ship and I can't see it at all LOL (Dust and Horror I only ship for toxic yaoi I'll just out that here)

Blue on the other hand's motive is to help him, to change him to for the better even if he nearly died trying. He isn't degrading Killer, he isn't doing it for a questionably moral motive, he KNOWS if Killer tries he can be good. I believe if he learned what will be talked about below, he'd stop trying to """fix""" him but more so help him understand himself and his stages to be able to have a healthy relationship with himself.

Do I think Killer can be good? Not really, he doesn't concider himself a sans anymore so if he were to become fully himself again, I don't think that would do him good mentally. His soul is at a ever constant war with chara as shown here.

I think Killer is appreciates Blue trying to help and more upset by means and the fact it didn't work. In the comics, Blue tried the hardest but also the most back to back to help Killer which just annoyed him most likely but despite him causing the pain to himself, he hates it. I feel like this is further proven on how Blue is one of the people he mentions when talking to Nightmare and how you can still see Blue smile.

Also, it could be argued that Killer only really escalated things because Blue took him to see the stars, one thing Killer doesn't like nor feel comfortable around them. The one they're looking at doesn't help either.

Heres some more little things Rahaf has done with the two that fuel my love for them and their relationship!

For the name: Just something new + blue's name LOL also a wedding term so its even gayer

Now for the headcanons!

☆ Killer found a new appreciation for the stars because of Blue loving space

𖣠 Killer was forced to apologize for escalating fights (NM had made Killer stop similar in Killer VS the Star Sans' and didn't have him kill Dream)

☆ Killer got blue a new scarf

𖣠 Killer thinks Blue is the strongest Star Sans due to surviving him, having to get rid of Blue's magic to even win

☆ Paps and Chara don't like Killer so they keep it hidden, also to protect Blue from NM

𖣠 Killer keeps Blue's old one because hes weird and its like a trophy

☆ Killer thought being mean would get blue to leave and stop so kept being a jerk

𖣠 Killer didn't trust Blue around his cats bc trauma but when he caught wind Killer had cats absolutely spoiled them with treats and toys

☆ They have a lot of "Why do you care" talks

𖣠 Killer has said "You're my favorite star out of all the ones you've shown me"

☆ Blue 100% got giddy from that

𖣠 Killer is very touchy physically to make sure Blue is real + just a flirt

☆ Blue isn't use to it but makes him smile

𖣠 Blue confessed first on accident

☆ Said something like "I wish you could fully feel so you could love me too" and then was like "Oh stars I'm sorry!"

𖣠 Killer probably just laughed and said something like "I wouldn't mind that being my first feeling if we can get this solved."

☆ Killer made the first move

𖣠 Killer has bought him awful aprons saying stuff like "Spooning leads to forking"

☆ Killer likes testing Blue's alcohol tolerance

𖣠 Due to Killer trying to maintain his soul around Blue, hes actually more dangerous due to repression so if NM finds out about them, makes them not allowed to be alone for Blue's safety

☆ "If I ever get to stage three or four around you, please kill me." "You know I can't do that."

𖣠 Blue gets super happy everytime he sees killer's soul in stage 1 especially when more frequent because that means improvement

☆ Blue plans dates every weekend

𖣠 Oh yah why NM doesn't kill Blue is bc I HC them as friends since they both deal with idiots plus errormare LOL

☆ He also plans relaxation time after hard mission Killer has to do

𖣠 Had a "I'm... not a real person. I thought... haven't we... is this not how it works?" talk (I love SU referencing them)

☆ Since my blue is a mixture of all swap versions, when Blue has a bit of a ""yanberry"" moment Killers just like "Oh thats hot"

𖣠 If Blues universe were to reset Killer might have a Dust moment with Chara

☆ Blue rambles a lot to Killer

𖣠 He doesn't mind since it keeps him knowing Blue is real and distracts him from Chara ghosty

☆ If Killer were to "die", everyone would reassure Blue he'd just reset and come back SU style

𖣠 If he doesn't, Blue would talk to Reaper asking when Killer would be back and alive who'd say "It doesnt work that way, kid" if Killer chose to actually rest (I forgot what comic I saw that gave this idea)

☆ Blue still has PTSD from their fight so hates knives if held by Killer

𖣠 Blue goes to Killer when its storming

☆ Blue teaches Killer how to dance

𖣠 Killer's hallucination of Blue consists of a bloody eye powerless eye, tear eyed, and bloody in general

☆ Killer was Blue's first partner and kiss

𖣠 Same cannot be said for Killer but def is most healthy

☆ No one on really supports their relationship but thats because of Killer

𖣠 Blue will standup for Killer but no one really is scared of him, more so of killer whos behind him

☆ Blue has patched up Killer's jacket / sweater many times

𖣠 Just doomed yaoi by definition sorry

☆ Blue goes to Killer if dealing with Dream and Ink has gotten too much and vise versa with the three idiots (cross being the third) and NM

𖣠 Sit in comfortable silence together, occasionally checking in on one another

☆ Killer took Blue to see the stars despite his distaste since he felt bad for beating his ass after that

𖣠 "If you ever miss me, just look at the stars. Only a universe away" - Killer

☆ If they were to have a kid, Killer would be an amazing dad but think he's terrible

𖣠 I like to think that even after Blue and Killer's fight that even if Blue's magic is okay in his eye, his rib is still missing and unhealed and he's partially blind in that eye causing the magic to be a lighter blue

☆ This started from my Dustberry headcanons that sort of just trickled but I feel like he shows care about things Dust and Killer see, AKA Paps and Chara and often ask if they would like anything specific for dinner and try to converse with them even if he cant see or hear them

𖣠 Killer would probably think its super weird but probably get jealous if he lets Dust get that treatment (I needed to add my badsans poly + swap (and saejun + epic but thats a rant for another day) some where)

☆ I don't think they'd be the perfect relationship don't get me wrong, I feel like Killer would constantly try to break it off in some way for some normalcy but I feel like Blue is grounded enough to know this and understand this and knows if he just ups and walks he'd only be hurting Killer more

𖣠 Now this doesn't mean he is a doormat, he'll scold Killer but thats for after

☆ For angst purposes, I like the thought that Killer got hurt because of Blue trying to get Nightmare to ease the work load and what not and since he's NM's right hand man that didn't really fly by

𖣠 Despite Blue's positivity and how he views himself, because I HC him with HPD or histrionic personality disorder, he has a low view on himself away from others and I feel like Killer would try to help him during all those times as a way to pay Blue back for all the effort he has given to help Killer

☆ Since I HC Blue doesn't remember resets and the younger brother, I like to think that Killer introduced him fully to this talk, Stretch probably tried before but just thought it was nightmares

𖣠 I feel like Blue would try and make Killer sweets only to find out he doesn't really like em due to everything LOL

☆ I also HC Killer to cough DT a lot so Blue keeps a spare little handkerchief on him to wipe Killer's mouth

𖣠 I like to think Blue really looks up to Dream and Ink but they semi push him away as he's a mortal so Killer has those "Who needs em" talks and probably realizes he's semi codependent on them as he is to Nightmare but not in the same life depends on it way

☆ Also when theyre hiding their relationship I like to think that they'd run off during battles like the freaks they are

𖣠 Soley based on a RP with Mae but Blue calling Killer, Kiki and Killer calling Blue, Iris is my ride or die oh my stars

☆ Because Killer doesn't talk too much in the canon events of Something New, I feel as if the more Killer talks to Blue is another indicator to Blue about change and that makes me smile (Ignore how Killer talked a bit in their fight it just proves Killer fought him out of love /silly)

𖣠 I feel as if my Blue had a Blueberror moment, Killer and him would bond a lot due to similar feelings of not being good enough + both kinda chill in an antivoid space and yeah I probably have a ton more I can pull out of my ass but I am tired sooooooooo

Heres their playlist I update religiously:

[lionlena]

We don’t love each other (PedroPascalxreader) angst! Part IV

Summary:  You and Pedro are: friends with benefits, for many years. Your layout is simple and clear. You don’t love each other. You’re friends on a daily basis, you take care of each other… Sometimes you sleep together. You go on dates with other men and Pedro doesn’t mind. Everything is simple until you accidentally hear Oscar say that Pedro loves you. Then you decide to tell him the truth and you ruin everything.

Warnings: angst!!! smut, mentions of sex, friends with benefits, sad, broken hearts, age difference (reader is 15 years younger than Pedro)

*

Part IV

For your meeting with Oscar, you chose a small, quiet cafe that also had tables outside. They were surrounded by thin wooden walls to give guests more privacy. It is not without reason that you chose the time when the least people came to the cafe. You felt that talking to Oscar would not be pleasant and you didn't want the presence of any nosy fans.

You arrived much earlier and started to remember the old times again. It's not that you didn't like Oscar. It's just that there's always been this little tension between you two that you've come to understand now. You remembered one such situation.

*

Pedro organized a barbecue at his place. The first season of The Mandalorian has just entered the Disney platform. He was so excited and wanted to share his joy. You weren't a Star Wars fan, but the first two episodes made you fall in love with the show.

You ran into the kitchen with a big smile to grab a few more glasses. Oscar was also inside. He was leaning back against the kitchen counter and scrolling through his phone. You opened one of the upper cupboards and stood on your toes, but still couldn't reach them. You heard a soft sigh and after a moment Oscar stood next to you.

"How much?" He asked.

"Four is enough."

You pulled away and he placed six glasses on the table. You rolled your eyes at that but left it unanswered.

"So," he began, "I heard you broke up with Rafael."

"I didn't break up. He turned out to be gay and he tried to force himself into something he didn't want to do. We became friends. I don't blame him."

"Another one for the collection," he muttered so quietly you almost missed it.

But you decided not to comment on it and asked something else.

"Don't you and Pedro have better things to talk about?"

You knew it was Pedro who told Oscar about Rafael. Because who else?

Oscar smiled and shrugged.

"You know, we like to exchange information about which chica is available?"

You shook your head.

"I remind you that you have a wife."

"And I'm very happy with that. I'm not chasing the unattainable.

You narrowed your eyes and wanted to say something, but just then a happy Pedro burst into the kitchen. He spun around you, put his hand on your hip and pecked your cheek.

"Are you having fun?”

"Sure," you replied.

Oscar winked at his friend and finally put his phone back in his pocket.

"How do you like Emily?"

Pedro rolled his eyes. He removed his hand from you but stayed close.

"She's a little rigid."

"Because she's stunned by you," moaned Oscar.

You giggled a little and grabbed a couple of glasses.

"So it was you who bring this innocent lamb to the wolf pack."

Oscar glared at you, but you were already leaving. You just threw over your shoulder:

"Pedro, bring the rest of the glasses!"

You sat down on the garden sofa across from Emily and watched her closely. You felt a pang of jealousy. Oscar really had an eye for women. You wanted to push that feeling away. Your deal with Pedro was clear. He had the right to date other women. But it hurt.

After a while, Pedro joined you and of course sat next to you, although there was more space next to Emily. You'd be lying if you said it didn't made you happy.

Pedro seemed a little sad and tense so you put your hand on his knee and squeezed it lightly. You didn't think much about that. It was natural. Just like the fact that Pedro moved even closer to you and put his arm around you.

*

You saw Oscar approaching and you sat up straight. His appearance made you laugh slightly. Really, even if you had poor eyesight, you'd recognize a star in him. When he was close enough you said:

"It's funny how you celebrities always think a cap and sunglasses are enough to make you unrecognizable. Like... your beard is enoughed."

"Nice to see you too, Y/N."

You snorted and gave him a mocking look as he took his seat.

"I heard, you quickly got back with Tyler."

So Oscar decided to go straight to the attack. You tensed up and growled.

"None of your fucking business."

He clicked his tongue and took off his cap and sunglasses.

"I didn't come to argue."

You raised your eyebrows. He had the audacity to accuse you of being with Tyler again and he said he wasn't here to argue. You wondered for a moment how he knew. Probably from Pedro, but... How did Pedro know? You thought maybe Laura had said too much as usual and you abandoned that thought. You had more important things to do. You had to get back at Oscar.

"Really? I think that's mostly what you came for. To knock me out more and remind me how much you don't like me."

Oscar was silent for a moment and watched you closely. You felt like his eyes were burning you. Finally he said:

"You know, I liked you at first, a lot. But then I found out about your deal with Pedro. And I got sick of watching my friend suffer."

Your heart clenched, and before you thought it over, you had already answered.

"I didn't know he loved me."

Oscar shook his head and looked at you as if you were someone stupid.

"Really? All those things he used to do for you. He followed you around like a puppy... Dammit, he even had your favorite shampoo in the bathroom!"

"Okay! A point for you." You sighed heavily and rubbed your temples. "I know what it looks like. I was stupid, but in my defense: Pedro is nice to any woman. Have you ever seen how he make a woman cry? " Oscar raised his eyebrows. "Except me," you gasped.

"Okay, now the point for you. He's sweet to women, but he hasn't slept with all of them."

"One point for you," you growled.

You were getting really tired of this conversation.

"What do you want from me, Oscar?"

" That you go to talk with him."

"NO."

He looked at you angrily.

"Really? After all he's done for you, you can't even give him that?"

"What? We can't be together. Pedro was clear about that, and I went back to Tyler. Besides, isn't that what you wanted? That we would stay away from each other."

"No. I wanted you to be happy. Both of you."

You didn't know if you wanted to punch him or laugh at him.

"Great, then you could talked about it, with the door closed!"

He threw his hands up and growled in frustration.

"Did you two sign some kind of aggression pact against me? You and Pedro. You both hold the same grudge. You were one who eavesdrop us. You should have left as soon as you realized he wasn't alone."

You clenched your hands into fists. Okay, he had a point, but he didn't have to throw it in your face.

"We're here for you to lecture me that eavesdropping is wrong?"

It seemed he was to make another biting remark, but eventually relented.

"Y/N, I'm really worried about him."

You felt worried for a moment, but... Who the hell did he think he was to dump it on you.

"Well, that's not my problem anymore. Pedro's been through worse things in his life and he's dealt with it. Besides, he barely spoke to me while he was filming The Last of Us, and somehow he was fine."

Oscar shifted uneasily in his seat.

"I advised him that."

You looked at him furiously. If you weren't still in a public place, you would have stood up and started clapping.

"Great! Then keep advising him, because you're doing this fucking awesome!"

He ignored your sarcasm, but you weren't going to stop.

"Also, the last time I saw a wave of videos, after his performance at the premiere, he looked great. I didn't notice him being sad."

"Y/N, you can do better. I'm an actor and I can see when others pretend. And you... Seriously? You know him. You know what he's like. Maybe this will convince you." He leaned over to you and said, "He turned down a good movie because it's going to be shot in Spain."

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"Have you seen those dogs, thrown on the road from cars, who stay where they are because they believe their owner will come back?"

"Did you just compare Pedro to a discarded puppy and me to someone who throws dogs out of cars?"

Oscar rolled his eyes.

"I'm an actor, I like metaphors."

"I think, that you like insulting people more."

"You're getting off topic."

You were really tired of talking to him.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Meet him, please. Tell him to move on like you did. He'll listen to you."

You suddenly felt sad. You looked into Oscar's brown eyes. His weren't as warm as Pedro eyes. But you always saw them as two brothers.

"You know, it's too bad you didn't want to be my friend."

"What do you mean?"

"That you knew how he felt. You knew he was suffering because he confided in you. Who was I supposed to confide in? Pedro was my best friend. He was the only one I really opened up to, but about this one thing... what I feel for him, I couldn't tell him. I know you think I'm the bad person in this story, but you know... No one is born a villain."

Oscar swallowed and cringed. This was not the reaction you expected. You expected him to make another sarcastic reply, but you heard his soft voice.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. Really."

He surprised you. You always knew Oscar was a good guy. If he wasn't like that, Pedro would never be friends with him. You sat in complete silence for a moment, then suddenly he asked:

"And how... How are you doing?"

You had to look at him to really believe he was talking to you. He looked at you with concern and you barely held back the tears welling up in your eyes.

"I miss him. More than you can imagine. But, maybe I deserved it. He suffered so many years because of me..." You took a ragged breath. "I will meet him. I will tell him what he wants to hear. That I am no longer mad at him for shouting on me. I will tell him that I understand him and that I have understood that I do not love him. And that we both have to move on.”

Oscar nodded.

"This should help."

He looked at his watch and winced.

"Sorry, but I have to get back to the set now." He stood up and to your greatest surprise, gave your arm a light squeeze. " Take care Y/N."

When he left you, you hid your face in your hands. Why did it all have to be so hard?

You were afraid of meeting Pedro, but you had to do it. Talking to Oscar made you open your eyes. Everything Pedro did for you was declaration of love, and you broke his heart. Over and over again.

*

It took you two days to pull yourself together. You finally decided to do it. You borrowed Tyler's car and arrived late at night at Pedro's apartment door.

Your heart was beating like crazy, and in your head you were still repeating the speech you had prepared. You kept saying to yourself: Pedro deserves it.

You rang the doorbell and as it opened, all the air escaped your lungs.

"Hello."

A slim, tall blonde looked at you with blue eyes. She was wearing a nightgown and a bathrobe. She was beautiful. You couldn't deny it. You even forgot where you were for a moment. You finally got your voice back.

"Is Pedro at home?"

"Yes, but he's in the shower. Call him?"

You immediately shook your head "no". You had enough and you didn't want see his half-naked body next to that blonde.

"No... I... I'm... I live in the neighborhood and... I'm looking for my cat. Yes, a cat. It's all black."

The woman looked at you sympathetically. Apparently she thought your trembling voice was the result of losing a pet.

"I'm sorry, I haven't seen your cat."

"Ok. Goodnight."

You ran back to the car without even turning around. You drove away quickly, but after only a few kilometers you pulled over to the side of the road. You started slamming your hands on the steering wheel, screaming and crying. Was that what Pedro felt every time you dated someone? Tears ran down your cheeks. You were so angry and sad. You had no right to feel jealous, but you did. A loud sob escaped your mouth.

And of course you wanted to slap Oscar. Pedro obviously didn't suffer all that much and didn't need to talk to you to move on.

"Fuck you Oscar!!! Fuck you Pedro... Fuck you all!!!"

*

So I heard you found somebody else

And at first, I thought it was a lie

I took all my things that make sounds

The rest I can do without

I don't want your body

But I hate to think about you with somebody else

Our love has gone cold

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

Somebody Else - The 1975 (Cover) by Alice Kristiansen

*

Did Pedro really find somebody else? 🥺

Part III

Part V - ( there will be some Pedro pov)

*

Yes, Oscar is mother hen