#also i feel like i should actually prove that i. can draw? decently? because wow i have been feeling Kinda Shit about how low effort this

[shitty-davesprite-daily]

this is really stretching the 'shitty' in the blog title but fuck it the 'daily' is already a lie

keychain design :thumbsup:

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Escaping Expulsion" From The Owl House

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Do you wanna know what I love the most about The Owl House? The writers waste no time getting to the good stuff.

Things like Willow working things out with Amity, Lumity, Lilith's redemption, and Luz's fight with Belos are stuff that most shows would drag out and wait upon using until several seasons down the line. Most of them for the final season. And yet, it all happens in the first! The writers somehow knew what the fans exactly wanted and gave them just that before they even had to ask.

Take "Escaping Expulsion," for example, as it has some great plot points and ideas I thought would happen later in the season and maybe even near the end. But it's only episode TWO of the new season, and I'm appreciative of it for that reason alone.

But explaining the good stuff this episode delivers requires spoilers, so if you haven't watched the episode yet (even though you definitely have at this point), I recommend that you do so. Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Blight Industries: Huh. I'll be the first to admit: I would have never expected that the main reason why the Blights are rich is because of their technological advancements. Large in part of how the Boiling Isles is a fantasy world, and rarely do you see technology taking place in a setting such as that. Still, points for total expectation subversion added with some pretty cool tech, I might add.

Odalia Blight: It's nice to put a face to the name I've grown to hate with a fiery passion. Now I can update my dartboard!

But to tell you the truth, it feels weird saying I like someone so vile. I mean, the woman is a manipulative, smarmy b-word who nearly killed Luz. Anybody who does that last part deserves to go on my s**t list! I despise her with the same fiery passion I've had since "Understanding Willow" premiered...and it's that reason why I like her.

Because here's the thing: Characters and people are two different things. If Odalia existed in real life, she better hope that I never meet her. But as a character whose purpose is to have the audience hate her, she succeeds with flying colors. It's the same reason why I consider it unfair to hate an episode like "Something Ventured and Someone Framed" because Mattholomule exists. I get it but understand that hating him is his purpose. It's the same with Odalia. I love her, but only because I love to hate her.

Alador Blight: Wow. I guess Alador really is the lesser of two evils.

By the way, keep in mind that I said "lesser of two evils" and not "the nice one." I don't care how adorable it is to see him get distracted by a butterfly. He's still an abusive figure who stood aside as Luz fought for her life against the Abomitron and still goes along with Odalia's plans despite how heinous they are. And whenever I remember how he treated Amity in "Understanding Willow" as well--

Also, don't make him neurodivergent so he can seem redeemable. It is painfully obvious that he is just exhausted after hours of toiling away in his lab working on his inventions to the point that his brain is beyond fried.

Now, seeing that I've dismissed the argument about how Alador is the nice one, let's actually talk about his character. Because I can see what Dana Terrace meant when she said that he's interesting. He's not explicitly as awful as Odalia, as he mostly seems to be in his own little world half the time. Despite that, Alador still shows signs of being just as dismissive of Amity in general. You see this as he focuses on how her strength shows signs of Amity being a potential coven leader instead of noticing how his daughter nearly died to his own invention. Alador doesn't manipulate, but he doesn't love his daughter in a way a father should either. I'm very intrigued by this route for his character, and I can't wait to see what is done next with him.

Amity’s Amulet: My heart sank when I realized the true purpose behind Amity's amulet. The thought that Odalia found a way to literally be in Amity's head at all times...I hate that. I mean, I love it because it's A+ storytelling and symbolism, BUT I F**KING HATE IT!

Amity in General: And seeing how we're already talking about Amity, let's dive into the fact that "Escaping Expulsion" is easily her best outing so far in the series. I say this because it really puts to the test Amity's dedication to being a part of the group. You can tell by her expressions and Mae Whitman's performance that Amity so desperately wants to help her friends, but she can't due to being afraid of her mother's wrath. Which doesn't surprise me, given what we know about Odalia so far. But what does surprise me is that Amity stands up to Odalia in this very same episode. I expected it for sure, but most likely at the end of the season, due to most shows dragging out a similar concept for drama's sake. However, as I said, the writers don't waste time giving the fans what they want. So, yeah, Amity defies her mother in the very same episode we're officially introduced to her. And it's totally believable, as Amity has been fighting her parent's control ever since Luz literally showed her the light after "Covention" (click here if you don't believe me). It's yet another impressive showcase of Amity's character development and how she's leagues ahead of other redeemable characters who would go through five more episodes like this before getting to the point.

Luz in General: But enough about Amity. For now, let's talk about the actual best character of the series!

Just like Amity, Luz is on top form in "Escaping Expulsion." She is quick to call 'applesauce' about Odalia and Alador expelling the Hex-Squad and is smart enough to figure out the deal Odalia is worming her way into making. Several people classify Luz as stupid, and while she definitely leaps before she looks at times, this episode proves that Luz isn't going to fall for the sweet talk that someone like Odalia offers. As reckless as she can be, Luz is still intelligent enough to know what someone like Odalia wants and cuts to the chase despite knowing the woman can't be trusted. Still, Luz going through with the deal anyways is fantastic character work for her as it shows her dedication to the people she cares about. It hurts my heart to see Luz get all beat up from Alador's inventions, but her willingness to put up with it for her friends is an act of service I wouldn't have expected from anyone else. "Escaping Expulsion" may be more centered around Amity, but it still proves why Luz earns her spot for one of my favorite characters.

Learning How Glyphs Work: Another solid aspect of The Owl House is that the writers find brilliant ways for world-building and explaining the rules of the Boiling Isles. Take this episode's b-plot, for instance. Eda and Lilith need to learn how to do Luz's version of magic, so having an entire section of the episode dedicated to them figuring it out is a perfect outlet to explain how glyphs work in the first place. Although, I have some tribulations with this subplot that I'll get into with the dislikes. But I still consider this a brilliant workaround to explain glyphs, even if specific executions could be handled better.

The Fairy Pie: Not only is this well-crafted dark humor, and not only is it adorable as hell, but it also shows how Amity has calmed down with her feelings toward Luz. She still blushes when handing over the fairy pie, but it is certainly more subdued in comparison to "Wing it Like Witches." I like to think the time off from her (and our) favorite weirdo helped cool down those emotions a bit, but that doesn't mean she won't get slightly flustered every now and again. Because as much as I adore seeing cool and collective, I'm still very much a fan of Disaster Amity due to how cute it is.

Principle Bump: "This character is underappreciated!"

"That character doesn't get enough love!"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHO'S UNDERAPPRECIATED AND DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LOVE?! PRINCIPAL GOSH DANG BUMP, THAT'S WHO!

So many kids' shows focus on how educators are the bad guy who treats students poorly because they love seeing children suffer. But that's not Bump! Sure, he made a misstep in "The First Day," but for the most part, he really cares for his students and hopes that they work hard to be their better selves. So when he's forced to send Luz, Gus, and Willow away, he's genuinely saddened by it to the point where he breaks down crying! On top of being wholesome, Bump missing his students is another example that a character shouldn't be written as evil just because they run a school. Sure, there are scumbag teachers and principals out there, but for others, they're a lot like Bump: People who show admiration and respect to their students rather than ridicule because a principle "just doesn't get it." And I appreciate Bump all the more for it.

Gus and Willow: It feels weird that these two basically got sidelined, especially since they have a stake in the plot as well, but it's understandable. "Escaping Expulsion" is clearly more Amity-centered, and with Luz being the main character, it would also be odd if she didn't get more of the focus than her friends. Having them do more would have been great, but what they've already accomplished is pretty decent anyway. They show how much they're on the same page as Luz when trying to figure out a way to sneak back into Hexide, Willow is still the best voice of reason when saying no one will be killed through their plans, and Gus wins the comedic highlights in the episode. While I would have loved that they did more, I'm perfectly fine with what we got. Besides, this is only episode two of Season Two. We got nineteen more episodes to go to focus on these two.

King: Ok, now, this is the version of King I like to see. A character that mocks Eda as if they're equals and acts as a reluctant voice of reason. This episode shows King more at his best and is a major step above what we've seen in "Separate Tides."

Lilith: ...Yeah, f**k it. I like Lilith.

Personally, I would have preferred seeing her dragged through the coals at least a few episodes, but that's judging the show for what I want. Not what it is. And as is...It's fine. Lilith has a great dynamic with the rest of the Owl House, it's honestly adorable seeing her refer to Luz as a teacher, and that scene where she makes presents out of ice for Hooty is all kinds of wholesome. I'd say your enjoyment of Lilith highly depends on how forgiving you are, and if you think her splitting the curse is enough of a gesture, you probably won't mind her as much. The execution of her redemption really could have used more time in the oven, but Lilith is still a decent character regardless, so what's to complain about.

Luz Making the Abomination Have a Cat Face: ...Luz...I f**king missed you.

DON'T EVER LEAVE FOR THAT LONG AGAIN!

(Also, I just love that this is all Amity needed to know Luz was in trouble)

Hop Pop Cameo: He's on the cover of one of the books Willow's dad lifts up. Which is extra cute given how Dana Terrace and Matt Braley (creator of Amphibia) are close friends in real life.

Willow’s Dad Pretending Not to See Anything: One single action defines the type of man this guy is. He's the fun and understanding dad!

Gus, Willow, and Amity Arguing How to Break In: This little quarrel just shows how much these three need Luz. Without someone to keep the peace and bring up compromises, these idiots would have just kept arguing all night.

In addition to that, this clash over ideas acts as a showcase for who these characters are. Willow is careful and smart, so she's going for the option more unlikely to get them caught. Amity is brash and to the point, so she's going for the route that gets them inside as soon as possible. And then there's Gus, who's young and naive, so his plan sounds like something out of a cartoon. The odds of any of these plans working are highly debatable, but seeing these characters with clashing personalities and ideas is a ton of fun to watch regardless.

Edric and Emira Helping: There's not much to add here. It's just another sweet scene that makes me so glad that the writers decided to make Ed and Em more like supporting characters than minor antagonists like "Lost in Language" made fans think they would be.

(Amity throwing the "Hex me" signs back at Edric is just the cherry on top).

“Stay away from my Luz!”: ...What the f**k do you want me to say that? It's f**king perfect!

Luz Catching Feelings for Amity: ...Huh. Neat.

...

...Alright, let's move on.

Luz Wanting to Take a Nap After--Yeah, I can't do it. Not even for the joke.

WAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! MU! TU! AL! PINING! AH-HAHAHA!

THIS! This is more of that good s**t I'm talking about! Due to being so used to other shows going for the slow burn when writing the endgame romance, I was expecting Luz to catch feelings halfway through the season, even at the end of it. But near the beginning?! That is something I am more than ok with!

And much like Amity standing up to her parents in this episode, Luz catching feelings this early on is totally believable. Many fans have already analyzed how Luz's love language is "Acts of Service," which I'm somewhat sure is romantic gestures. Meaning that I f**king challenge you to find a grander gesture than holding back a literal killing machine while swooping down like a knight in shining armor! Oh, wait, you can't. BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ANY!

But by far, the best--the BEST--thing that can come from this is the dramatic irony! We, the audience, know that Luz and Amity like each other, but they don't. So the constant failings as these two fools try to work out their romantic feelings for one another is something I cannot wait to see in all its glory.

This is one of the best things that could have come out of the episode, and while it doesn't mean Lumity is canon, it is definitely closer than ever before. And I'm excited about all of it!

Luz Wanting to Take a Nap After Getting Home: I adore this because there's no one way that this can be interpreted. Either it's because Luz is exhausted after nearly getting killed for the fifteenth time that month, or it's because Luz is overwhelmed about having a crush on Amity...or both. Most likely both.

Belos Wanting The Abomatrons: Wow, what an ominous ending to the episode! I'm sure it won't come into play at all in the future...The season finale is going to hurt, isn't it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

Gus’ Growth Spurt: I mean...that's just weird. Gus suddenly being almost as tall as the others is a change so jarring that I feel like an explanation other than "witch puberty" is required. I get that they wanted to explain away why Issac Ryan Brown's voice got deep this season, 'cause puberty's a b**ch. But sometimes I feel like it's best to just ignore it, like with how Phineas and Ferb or Steven Universe just goes along with the fact that VAs tend to grow up when the characters themselves remain ageless.

Eda is Kinda Stupid in this One: It's not just me, right? Because I feel like Eda is more careful in the past than she is in this episode. She's been as reckless as Luz is at times, sure, but carelessly screwing around with magic when she has no idea how it works? I can maybe see King doing that, but not Eda. Just seeing her act dumber than usual is something that doesn't sit right with me.

Lilith Explaining Her Glyph Magic: I don't mind this. Glyph magic is pretty confusing, so having Lilith explain how it works to Eda and the audience is something I can understand. My issue, however, lies in how they did this.

Why, in the name of all that is holy, would Lilith explain her theory after the fact. It would be much more natural if she explained while saving King, but doing it after comes across as more forced than it should. Which is a shame because this series is usually on point when explaining how things work in the Boiling Isles.

And...That's about all the complaints I have with this episode. Which are nothing but nitpicks and possibly personal preferences.

IN CONCLUSION

If I'm willing to forgive and forget, I would give "Escaping Expulsion" a well-earned A+. But I'm not, so it's going to be another solid A. And, I mean, if you complain about that...there's something wrong with you.

"Escaping Expulsion" delivers on quite a bit of what fans want to see on top of giving these great character moments that show why we love these casts of oddballs and weirdos. I wouldn't say it reached perfection, but it still carries the winning streak that this new season has so far. Meaning there's no escaping the fact that Season Two is off to a better start than the first.

(Although, the fact that we got two solid As in a row means that we're in for a stinker real soon, doesn't it?)

[develation]

SCP AU

So @emeraldtrainer1 (Ao3), @writingforfunandbecauseboredom (Ao3), and DarkstarWolf53 (<-Dunno if they have Tumblr) did an SCP AU three-way Convo fic some months ago. I really enjoyed the outline and concept and asked if I could expand on it. With their permission and about a month of research into what the actual SCP Foundation is (and holy cow there is so much, no wonder people are all over this) I've finally managed to get a start on this. There is a decent amount of things that are different from their original Convo (via their permission) but it will basically follow the same storyline that they created. Please go check their Convo out, it's a very long and fun read with a lot of good fluff and Angst mixed in.

I will hopefully be drawing some of my designs soon but for now, writing seems to be the way to go. Here is a link to it on Ao3 -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/33213928/chapters/82464553

I'll also have it below in case you would like to read it on Tumblr instead.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Error: (The End Of All But Me.) There are too many unworldly traits that spiders have that I couldn't just not give to Error, so I've kind of combined their Puppetmaster concept to my design. He has 4 arms with clawed fingertips, his tail is prehensile and his jaw can split open. He has 5 tongues still, 2 of them are spear-like, and can shoot out and impale victims. The saliva produced under the tips of the barbs on the two tongues can liquidity a prey items insides so he can drink them up (still a clean freak, using the skin as a cup and drinking up any mess leaving a skin bag behind). His other three tongues are prehensile and can extend to an unknown length, they are barbed aswell but do not carry the venomous saliva. Strings wrap along his bones from his eye sockets, which he uses to create a nest atop the ceiling of his cell.

SCP-002's (Apollyon class) cell is a blank room (it ask for a TV later on) that goes up vertically 2 floors. The top half is required to be shrouded in darkness as it likes voids of either white or black. It has filled the darkness of its cell with a nest of strings that it spends all of its time in, even when feeding. It does not attempt to attack staff, when asked why it replied with, "Not yet." Personal have not been able to decipher what it means by that statement. In an interview via speakers and mics within containment cell, it was asked why SCP-002 stares off at seemingly nothing for extended periods of time and never touches the ground. Subject responded with, "Busy." When asked what it was busy doing- "Watching." When asked what it was watching- "The world. Everything." Due to this experience, it can be concluded that 002 can view any place in the world and perhaps beyond via "screens". These "screens" are unviewable to anyone but 002 and 001 as the latter SCP had called them so, hence their given name. SCP-002 has a strange relationship with SCP-001 and it can not be determined if 002 likes or dislikes 001.

Ink created Error on accident. In the beginning, Ink didn't know what he was doing, and the brutality of Earth's natural forces of destruction were uncontrollable. If he wanted to bring life to his chosen planet he needed a way to control the chaos. And so through the storm, a new force was born. And even if Ink didn't create it, he did wish for it.

Error is a ticking time bomb for extinction. He waits and watches until he decides it's time for a "spring cleaning" and starts his work. The Ordovician, Late Devonian, Permian, Triassic, and Cretaceous mass extinctions were all him. He deemed the human race ready for a "cleaning" a long time ago and Ink agreed with him, ready to see and make something new. But Nightmare threatened the both of them by stating that he would make the earth forever inhabitable and they would have to kill him before he stoped his rage. Nightmare fears that if another extinction event were to occur he'd lose his boys.

Ink: (God doesn't care about what's right or what's wrong. God just wants to watch interesting things happen.) His form is always changing, different traits from different animals and organisms he's created. Ink is basically Gaia. Born when Theia crashed into Earth around 4.5 billion years ago, he made everything that ever existed. Since he's made A LOT of organisms he has a ton of favorites and the traits from them are what mostly show up when he mutates. Sometimes it's Kaprosuchus with belonged snout and fangs. Sometimes it's Tylosaurus with its marine reptilian posterior. Sometimes it's Chital Deer and their antlers. More often than not though, his tail has consistently stated having bristle-like hair at the tip of it, which is basically his brush. The concept of paintbrushes is pretty new to him since the human race has been around for a short time compared to other species, so while he does have one, his tail is his broomie. If his next from doesn't have it then he just uses his hands and his blood.

Ink can't be contained. It's that simple, he just can't. He just sticks around because it's interesting and hilarious to see his creations so intelligent but so stupid. (remember how humans are still young in terms of Earth's age, so the fact that they're so smart... on a thought level that could almost match his own is so very interesting to see and watch. even if there ruining his planet.) The SCP foundation just has to let him do his thing and hope that he doesn't override 003's and 004's decision to not have an extinction event.

His cell is basically a mini-ecosystem, with all of his favorite organisms living within whether they are extinct or not. He loves his little sample of the world and it keeps him in his cell for a good amount of time so the foundation let him have it. If any of them even touch what is HIS without permission then he rips them apart and feeds them to the baby Rhamphorhynchus. Don't touch his babies.

...Cross though... he can touch his babies... and Dream... and maybe Error... That's it though!

SCP-001 (Apollyon Class) is a being older than all living things, despite his toddler-like mannerisms. Even more infuriating, within an interview, 001 openly admitted to being the cause of all SCP's and their anomalous effects. It stated that they were all just mistakes and/or experiments, testing the limits of their own abilities. 001's quoted response- "You don't get it do you? I made everything here! All of your little "SCP's" are just of my creation as all of you. Sure there all mistakes but, it just proves my point that it's time to start over again. A clean slate y'know? Pfft- wow you look mad! If it makes you feel any better, I don't like most of them either. They were cool at first but... it's like flicking black paint over a finished painting. Sure, you can try to get over it but eventually, it will just bother you so much that you just can't stand it! Well... I do kinda want some of them to stay... If I could just convince Ru..." -shows evidence to this conclusion. Termination trials were approved by the 05 Council, though have not been able to start since 001's creation of a barrier around its cell, preventing entry of anything that tries to pass.

[Note: Error, Dream, and Nightmare are not included in what Ink views as "mistakes". Y'know when you're trying something new and you don't know what you’re doing, yet it works somehow. That's them, happy accidents. Ink adores them.]

Ink finds the attempt of Termination trials on him to be absolutely hilarious. The fact that humanity's insecurity about their lifespan and control is so great that they'd try to KILL HIM. Amazing. He can't believe he's managed to make the simultaneously best and worst organism ever.

Dream: (When day breaks.)  Again he was accidentally created by Ink’s actions in an intense solar storm. The flare drifting over the earth in combination with Ink’s magic still working to bring life brought him to existence. Dream’s design is almost harpy-like, with beautiful golden, sun-like wings with a small feathery crest atop his skull. Two tail-like feathers sprout from the crest that can rise up and down depending on expression and mood. He also has bird feet and legs, and a tail.

Dream adores all life, his is the warmth and growth of the sun (original form being a ball of light and plasma that literally looks like a mini sun). He is basically like a piece of the sun on earth. His cell is kinda like Ink’s, only in the fact that there are just a couple of animal species. Some deer, birds, and insects mainly. Ink obviously just appeared in his cell one day and made it for him. While Dream could be considered to be a Safe SCP, his ability to damage or completely ruin the planet if inraged prevents that classification.

SCP-003 (Apollyon Class) has proven to be a relatively docile creature. It is elegant in nature (like that of a bird) and shows greater empathy towards all life in general. Unlike SCP’s 001, 002, and 004 who view it as more interesting and admirable, more like a pretty crystal than an actual being with its own consciousness. 003 can not be fully contained and has shown the ability to travel through light rays. Its aura has also shown to be some form of anesthesia, and exposure for prolonged periods causes victims to feel more at peace and calm. 003 does have the capability to travel through the “dreamscape”, what exactly that in tails is unknown.

Dream doesn’t agree with the extinction event thing because the Holocene period hasn’t lasted for nearly as long as it should. On the other hand, he does distaste humanity/monsterkind for all it has done to the planet. Even so, he feels like they deserve more of a chance.

Nightmare: (Does the Black Moon howl?)(Death) Complete with the theme of being Dreams opposite, Nightmare was born from a black moon and the combination of Ink’s magic bringing life to the earth. He isn’t an evil force or anything, just the night to the day. His design is pretty true to OG nightmare, although his legs and feet share the same digitigrade format. His tentacles are more ghostly than slimy and they drip upwards instead of towards the ground. His bones also have a ghost;y wisp to them, but it isn’t that noticeable. Instead of only having a turquoise glint in his magic, there are sparks of purple aswell. (His original form being a black sphere of what looks like smoke).

His cell is basically an entrance to a cave system that Ink had made for him. Inside is a galaxy of crystals and gemstones that glow and sparkle like the night sky. A small stream runs through, the light refracting off of the water, adding to the glow effect. It is a nice calm place for Nightmare to just chill in, his separate own little world.

Nightmare is kind of mysterious, in the realm of Error in which he likes to watch things happen. Just lurking in the shadows, a quiet observer. Though, he wasn’t as fascinated by life as the others. So to prevent his boredom Ink made him a present- Killer. Nightmare hated the little thing at first but it didn’t take too long to grow fond of the little guy. Not too long later Ink pronounced his joy in watching Nightmare sigh in frustration by sending 2 more bundles his way -Dust and Horror- and Nightmare had to threaten Ink to stop before any more joined the fray.

SCP-004 (Apollyon Class) is an entity whose intentions are completely unknown. A mysterious being that chooses to dwell in the cave system 001 made for it. The entity refuses to interact with personal unless in interview. And when it does respond, it does so in riddles and metaphors. It seemingly takes joy asking more questions than the interviewer, turning the conversation in its favor. On such question that has been repeated multiple times - “Does the Black Moon howl?” has puzzled personal. Though 004 states that if answered correctly and explained why, then it will share its secrets with that person and that person only.

004 proves to be uncontainable like its counterparts, able to travel through shadows. SCP’s 012, 032, and 024 seem to be “followers” of 004, and regularly go missing from their cells. Most likely 004’s doing.

[Ink created Killer, Dust, and Horror during the era where dinosaurs were still alive, so they have some traits from them.]

Killer: (War) Was created by Ink for Nightmare to keep him entertained. Killer was born as a baby in Ink’s very hands, a little skeleton with curved blades for hands and digitigrade legs and feet (and little quills on his back). Growing up under Nightmare’s care was an interesting experience, but he thought Kill’s everything he needed to know.

-[SCP-012, Keter]-

Killer is fast, very fast. And he enjoys killing things (what a surprise). He’s pretty much the same cocky boi as always. His more SCP side is that he doesn’t seem to ever feel pain and the black liquid that leaks through his eyes. That can be used as a type of venomous toxin to whatever he pleases.

Dust: (Pestilence) You know Epidexipteryx and Therizinosaurus? Those are Dust hands, long with even longer claws. He can also turn into literal dust, more of a phantom or wraith in nature. He can walk through walls, and turn others to dust and grow himself if he wishes.

He and Horror could be twins since Ink made them both at the same time. Holding his little creations in his arms as they wriggled and whined in confusion at suddenly being alive.

-[SCP-032, Keter]-

Dust is pretty quiet and tame. He has his episodes but he stays pretty much the same as bookwrym’s, writing’s, and Dark’s Dust.

Horror: (Famine) Since Horror is a vent crawler I based his design on that. Horror’s second set of arms are like a praying mantis with an extra joint, hands serrated blades almost like Killer’s. He used to sit in trees and wait for prey to walk underneath him, plucking them from the ground with his long arms and eating them alive.

Same thing when in vents, just waits over the openings and plucks a person off of the ground and into the vent (if personal don’t keep up with his feeding times)

-[SCP-024, Euclid]-

Other than his design Horror is pretty much the same as bookwyrm’s, writing’s, and Dark’s concept.

Outer: [SCP-044, Safe] His stardust makes him have luminescent galaxy and star patterns on his bones. He floats regularly without control over it and can sometimes make other objects float, in rare cases people, aswell. Ink made him a jacket where pieces of its hood and aglets float off like a sort of fluffy foam. The pieces orbit him like planets to a star before joining back, making a continuous cycle.

(And yes writingforFUN, he will still keep his anime sparkling eyelight’s).

Cross: [SCP-00X, Thaumiel] Was created by Dr. X to help contain and terminate Keter SCP’s. Being forced to kill his brother when he turned Keter, not completely in control of his actions. Dr. X’s “programing” making him see his brother no longer as such, just an object to be eliminated. When Cross became uncontrollable Dr. X put wiped his memory without the 05’s or administers permission and an MTF was sent after him that came back empty-handed. Cross was brought back soon enough and had his memory wiped.

They bring him back in as a staff member and that’s when the story kicks off, mostly following bookwyrm’s, writingforFUN, and Dark’s original outline/convo.

(I apologize for any typos)

[burnedbyshoto]

Weak

anonymous asked: can we get a bakugou fluff based on the song hug all ur friends by cavetwon

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

warning: bakugou has high anxiety, cussing, fluff

word count: 4,000

a/n: so I listened to the 1 hour loop to this song when writing it LMAO, I think its one of my better pieces ive written, but I guess that’s also for you to decide!!!!!! enjoy!!!!

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Bakugou Katsuki was someone who had no guilt in admitting that he cared about himself first and foremost. Bakugou Katsuki never imagined a day would come where he would find himself interested in someone-- especially in a romantic setting.

Romance and Bakugou, to him it seemed like mixing oil and water. Impractical and impossible.

Bakugou was hard, rough, and explosive.

Romance was soft, tender, and weakening.

So for the life of him, Bakugou could not understand why on god you were consuming his thoughts. Why did you have him wrapped around your fingers despite you only being his best friend? What the hell was wrong with him?!

Bakugou stared at you from the distance, his eyes were warm, his face soft, and the book in his hands long forgotten.

You were a force, this overwhelming energy that he could not figure out.

You weren’t like Kirishima who gained his friendship through mutual respect and trust in each other’s strengths. You weren’t like Sero or Mina who he came to see as friends after he used them for their quirks two years ago. You weren’t like Kaminari who he saw as a friend because Kirishima came as this unknown package deal.

You were soft, tender, and in no way were you weak, but Bakugou couldn’t think of any other word to describe you but weak.

It made no sense as to how you two became friends. The two of you had spoken once! Then you landed a punch on his jaw so strong that he needed to go to Recovery Girl and you cried for hours afterward. Bakugou thought it was dumb that you were apologizing so he yelled at you for being stupid. Seconds later you two were friends.

“Bakasuki, it’s way past your bedtime!” You screamed as you looked up from your phone. Your eyes red with tiredness and irritation still shone as you made eye contact. The impressed grin on your face as strong as if it was midday. “It’s midnight?!”

Bakugou felt his face cement over again. It was an involuntary action as you rambled off about how the big softie Bakugou Katsuki was awake at 'crackhead' hours. As you got up and walked over to Bakugou, he felt his hardened features melt as you took a stance in front of him.

“I bet you’re staying up because of me, come on, admit that you like me.”

Your words are teasing of course, yet Bakugou’s heart clenches at the truth of your words. Bakugou one year ago had begun staying awake past nine because of you. You were always active at night! You told new stories that Bakugou wanted to hear at a late hour, and Bakugou soon found himself staying up.

Ten at night turned to eleven, eleven became twelve, and then Bakugou was up until two in the morning because of you. He never complained about it, and he never dared to tell you or anyone about it. Bakugou took every teasing you gave, and you teased him about him staying up every night even if it was a year later.

“Trust me, if I was staying up because of you I would fucking hate myself,” Bakugou lies as you laugh. “Don’t think you’re fucking special because I tolerate you.”

His words were harsh to the average ear, but to the trained ear, to your ear, it was as if he nudged you playfully.

“Sure you old grump,” you wink as you stick out your hand. “Iida said it’s my turn with the Disney+, wanna go watch with me?” 

“As long as you don’t make me watch something fucking horrible,” Bakugou grunts as he takes your hand.

He would watch the sappiest of movies and the weirdest of shows if it meant that you’d snuggle into his side. His favorite memories have you at his left. These memories also included you between his legs as you laughed hysterically at the horrible and childish jokes. It also didn’t matter how many times you watched the same movie, you always ramble as if it was your first time viewing it.

“I’m thinking Lilo and Stitch,” you let him into your thoughts as you begin walking towards the staircase. His hand is still locked with yours. “I think I can be Lilo, and you can be Stitch! You two have very similar personalities!”

“Like hell I’m anything like that fucking animal!”

“I didn’t even need to goad you into a reaction!”

“Shut up dumbass…”

“If I ever stopped talking to you, you would go insane! So careful what you wish for!”

“I wish you would shut up…”

Bakugou watched as your lips pressed flat together. A faux annoyed expression on your face and you dropped his hand.

It may have embarrassed Bakugou to admit what he did next, but it took him five seconds to crack under your cold shoulder. He threw you over his shoulder as he walked to your room. Your squealing exclamations were loud as he held your lower thigh.

“See I told you--”

“Shut the fuck up, shitty woman!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Your loud groan rang in Bakugou’s ears and his eyebrow twitched as he once again looked at your slumped figure. It was the second to last set of finals you guys would be taking as hero students. Three years later, you were nearing the final countdown to graduation! But that meant finals.

Bakugou had managed to stay within the top three of his class all three years. So he felt decent in where he was in class ranking right now. He has ranked third right now after all, but you ranked fifteenth. A feat that he had zero idea about how it came to be considering how smart you were. You had a sharp mind, a witty sense of humor, and a deadly tongue! Yet you were barely outperforming the rest of his idiot friends. You were one of the few people who could beat him in a verbal challenge! But when it came to pencil and paper tests, you stumbled hard.

“Would you stop fucking groaning?! You’re not getting anything done except getting on my goddamn nerves!”

“WELL!” You immediately yelled back, your nose stuck to the sky as you tossed your pencil away. “I don’t know actually! I screamed well because I live for the dramatics!" Bakugou groaned as you laugh. "Okay, but this all makes sense to me now! It's... I’ve realized I become an idiot whenever I try doing it on the exams.”

“It’s because you are an idiot.”

“Wow, thanks,” you complain as you slam your forehead against your math textbook. You shot back up gasping loudly. “OH SHIT! Bakugou you solved all my problems! This entire time I’ve been an idiot! I’ll tell Deku to give me some smart people juice tomorrow morning, obviously, I’ve been sipping the idiot juice.”

“Hah? Fucking hell -- do you ever shut up and wait for me to finish what I’m saying?!”

“Bakasuki, there was a period at the end of that sentence! Or let me guess what you’d say next!”

“Don’t fucking guess--”

“‘Oi, shitty woman, I’m Baku-hoe Kat-sucky, and you better get your head outta your asshole! Maybe if you weren’t always on your goddamn phone you wouldn’t be failing’!” Your voice had lowered multiple octaves to the point where you sounded like you smoked every day. Bakugou watched as your face contorted into a mock scowl, your nose stuck into the air as your arms folded across your chest. “‘I’m the alpha nerd here, so you have to fucking listen to me, you damn fucking nerd ass shitty woman!’”

Bakugou remained silent as you erupted in giggles, your eyes beaming with joy as you looked at him.

“I don’t fucking cuss, shitty woman,” Bakugou retorted. He knew it was a lie but the way your eyes expanded four times their size and how you pressed your face into his shoulder was worth the lie.

“You don’t cuss?! Wow, suddenly my name isn’t y/n!”

“Hm, well I was going to point out that you probably have some form of testing anxiety, but since you’re Miss. Fucking-Know-It-All…”

“There’s no way I’m eighteen and don’t know that about me!”

“Well, you didn’t fucking know you loved chocolate caramels until this last month either.”

This launched you into another tangent. Your conversation skills always gave Bakugou whiplash! You talked about everything you could and right now it was about what you loved. It should have annoyed Bakugou, he knew that! But while you rambled about how you loved seeing oversized dogs in bags, he realized that he loved knowing more about you.

How he would kill for the chance to pull you close, he knew that if he did you would hug him without a blink of an eye. Bakugou knew if he attempted to feel your warmth you’d overwhelm him forever and he wasn’t sure if that was something he wanted. Did he want you? Did he actually love you or was it just the chemistry in his brain is dumb. He wasn’t sure what he wanted as you showcased your favorite pencil.

“Do you have something you love, ‘suki?”

You.

“No, I don’t fucking love anything. The hell is love good for?”

“Don’t you worry about what people think about you when you can’t answer a question on something you love?”

The only opinion he cares about is yours.

“They don’t need to fucking care about what I love, how the hell does that make me a reliable pro hero?! Gossip and tabloids and interviews are bullshit. How is me smiling and being nice in front of a camera going to prove anything?”

Bakugou’s eyes widened as you wrapped your arms around him drawing him into a tight embrace. His eyes blinked rapidly as he felt frozen. His hands are frozen at his side as you pressed into him. You were making him dizzy. His heart pounded so loudly in his ears that he feared you could hear it as you pressed your lips to his ear.

“Sometimes you just have to hug people, let them know that you’re not letting go. Being kind and offering a hand, even if it kills your feral vibes, gives them a reason to love you and trust them. Trust is important, you know that, dummy. Hugging them is a small promise of not letting go.”

His breathing stilled as you pulled away. Your hair fell in your face and you sucked everything out of him as you smiled softly. But who would Bakugou Katsuki be if he didn’t have something back to say?

“I’m not fucking hugging any of those damn extras out there!”

“It was a FIGURE OF SPEECH, BAKAGOU!”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

“Rise and shine, grumpy old man!” Your voice rang as bright sunshine shone through Bakugou’s room.

“Fucking hell, y/n! Shut my goddamn shutters!”

“It is past noon, and I am here to make sure you are in fact alive!”

“Shitty woman, please close the damn shutters… I got in three hours ago and I want to fucking sleep in.”

The shutters closed immediately and guilt hung heavy in your voice as you said, “Wait you got in at nine?! You got called out of class early, too!”

Bakugou who had been sitting up now, glowering at your form fell back onto his mattress without a word. Unfortunately, it seemed that you weren’t quite done with him.

“Why the hell are you still in my room?”

“...can I nap with you?”

“Hah?”

“I was out from five in the morning until a few minutes ago! I just… want to cuddle, but if you don’t want to that’s totally cool!”

“You’re so goddamn annoying,” he nearly growls. It wasn’t necessarily directed at you, but instead himself. He was going to let you obviously, but how much longer could he do this uncaring act? How he hadn’t just slammed your oblivious ass against a door to kiss the soul out of you was beyond him. “Get in.”

A loud squeal emitted from your throat as Bakugou felt your figure snuggling into his chest. Your body was cold against his, and he resisted the urge to shiver as you wrapped his arm around you.

“I never fucking said you were allowed to cuddle.”

“Oh please, you were going to latch onto me at some point, might as well do it now instead of waking up to it and freaking out.”

“You’re fucking annoying.”

“Shh, I’m trying to nap.”

Bakugou snorted but nonetheless brought you in closer as he too closed his eyes. He ended up falling asleep with you in his arms. It wasn’t until he woke up did he realize that today was to be your friend's date. Something you had been persistent in having. But as you too woke up at half-past seven p.m., the both of you agreed that the nap was way better than going out.

That is until Kaminari sent a picture of Bakugou and you cuddling to the group chat. But then again, Bakugou may or may not have saved it as his home screen.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

4:48 a.m.

Bakugou’s eyes focused on the neon red numbers that illuminated across his bed. His alarm was positioned as such so he would be forced to get up to turn it off in the morning.

His heartbeat was pounding in his ears as everything turned blurry.

4:49 a.m.

His eyes closed and he was suddenly back in Kamino two years ago.

His body felt dirty, sticky, unclean.

His mouth tainted with the taste of copper. His teeth gritting together as he saw All Might fighting in front of him.

It was hard to fight with his sweat-soaked and stiff clothes. All he knew was those bastards turned from wanting to convert him to wanting him dead. He remembers stumbling and seeing your frantic eyes in the corner of his vision. He didn't know you well back then, so it confused him, at least before a yell from Kirishima took his attention away.

It was the first actual memory he had of you, and yet it intertwined with his memory of All Might’s downfall. A downfall that could have been prevented if he had just been fucking better. If he had been a better hero maybe he wouldn’t have been caught. If he had been a better person maybe he would never have been targeted in the first place. It didn’t matter how many different ways he ran through his memories, it always ended up being his fault.

The fight with Deku had helped relieve the surface tension. All Might saying it wasn’t his fault barely made an impact on the guilt demon that ate away at his inner thoughts.

Simply told, tonight was a bad night. Nothing he did could drive away the guilt demon.

You were the one who made him strong but you were out on a mission for your hero work. You were being a hero to people who needed you, yet Bakugou wanted you to be his hero right now…

His anxiety crawled down his spine. His mind swimming back to the image of All Might's defeated form, and it kept reeling in his mind. His palms sweated profusely, but at this point, he had no idea if it was from his anxiety or from his quirk.

It burned to breathe and he wanted to go for a run, but he knew he shouldn’t. So he stood up out of bed choosing to walk down to the kitchen.

4:57 a.m., the clock read as the door shut behind him.

He felt dizzy as he walked down the hallway, his heart racing as he went down the staircase.

The lights were on and it made his eyes hurt as he opened the door for the ground floor.

“‘Suki?” A tired voice whispered as Bakugou stared up.

It was you.

Your uniform looked rumpled and dirty. Your tie wasn’t done and your hair was a mess as you yawn, your hand rubbing your eye as you waved at him. Bakugou saw the bandage on your neck and cheek and he pointed at them.

“Some dumbass with a--” you stifle a yawn as you shake your head. “Fucking vampire quirk! If he bit you, and consumed your blood, you would be entranced with him! Can you believe that!”

Bakugou snorted as you showed him the bruised mark on your neck.

“Thing is, he doesn’t have fangs, his teeth were super dull, so now I look like I had sex!”

“Can’t have people thinking that huh?”

“Nah... now, you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

Bakugou knew better than to lie to you, but he couldn’t help it, you needed to sleep.

“Nothing, I needed water.”

“I’m sure you are,” you nod your head as you adjust your backpack. “But that doesn’t explain why there’s tears in your eyes and on your cheeks.”

His eyes widened as he felt the wet stains on his face, he was indeed crying.

“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” he grumbled as his hands shoved into his sweats.

“That’s okay,” you smile as you take a few steps forward. “Can I give you a hug?”

It takes everything in him not to scream at you to hug him, so instead, he turns his head and nods curtly. Your arms are wrapped around him immediately as he feels himself shrinking into your hold. You were safe, you were warm, and you made him weak.

It was at that moment that Bakugou Katsuki noticed that he completely and utterly was in love with you.

As he went through these thoughts you grabbed his hand and led him upstairs, “I’ll get you your water, but you need to rest.”

“Shitty woman, I can take care of myself,” Bakugou breathed as he didn’t resist you taking him to his room. “Besides we have class tomorrow, you need more sleep than I do.”

He watches as you shrug as you open his room door.

“Maybe so, but I’m a Hero and you’re someone in need of a savior!” you chirped as your lips pressed softly onto his cheek as you sat him in bed. “I’ll be right back, lay down please!”

He nodded dumbly as you left, his cheeks burning as the door closed.

It felt like no time had passed as you soon returned with a cup of water, “Now drink! Crying is good for the soul, but it dehydrates you so much.”

“Tch, idiot, don’t say that like you cry all the time,” Bakugou grumbles as he chugs the water down.

Your fingers take the glass from him and place it onto the desk, your shoulders bouncing as you sigh one last time. “Well, I should go to bed, I may not need beauty sleep, but even three hours of sleep can make me ugly.”

“Sleep here,” Bakugou found himself mumbling as you were by the door. “You can take a shirt, I just… please, just fucking sleep here with me?”

Bakugou expected teasing, he expected you to laugh it off and say he was dumb and crazy. What he didn’t expect was for you to grab his skull t-shirt and strip your clothes off in his bathroom.

He stilled as you crawled into bed with him, your body curling into his as you held him near.

“Goodnight, ‘suki,” you whispered.

His arms wrapped tightly around you, a sharp intake of air went through your nose.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you, y/n.”

“You’re welcome…”

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

You smile while wiping away tears that formed in your eyes.

Tears streamed uncontrollably down your face as you taped up the last box with writing that read: Y/N PICTURES.

It was moving out day, you had done it, you graduated.

“Y/l/n-chan!! Stop crying and c-come take a p-p-picture with us!” Mina wailed as she too was crying uncontrollably.

The common room was fill of every one of your classmates, tears were in everyone's eyes as boxes scattered near the entrance. It was over. Three years of heaven and hell were gone and even though everyone would still be seeing everyone again (you all were working in the same general areas after all), tears wouldn’t stop.

Multiple times you brushed away tears as twenty-one of you stood for class pictures.

Class pictures became friend group pictures, friend group pictures became trios and duo pictures.

Everyone was crying and everyone was laughing too. It was as if you were never going to see anyone again and the tears wouldn’t stop.

I love you’s were exchanged, promises of not forgetting who each other were as you would all become stars, and plans on monthly meetups because you were family. It was too much, it was too sentimental, and you were ready to leave.

“I hate to do this to you all, but it’s time to go,” Aizawa lulled over the roar of your classes chatter.

For the first time, his words were useless as you all took a photo with him, much to your homeroom teachers' secret enjoyment.

But now it was time to go.

You gave a one-armed hug to Mineta as he bounded out of the door. He had somewhat had drunk respect-women juice and was now tolerable. But the nightmares forever remained.

Then Koda, Aoyama, Shoji, Ojiro, Tokoyami, and Sato were done swiftly yet deeply. They all said kind words and promises to keep in touch as they left.

Then it was Iida, Todoroki, and Midoriya. The group of boys embraced you tightly as Iida told you and Midoriya to stop crying. It only strengthening your tears as Todoroki patted your back softly.

Then it was Mina, Momo, Jirou, Tsu, Uraraka, and Hagakure. The girl group and the reason why this class felt like family so quickly made you cry harder as you all lost it. Hugs were tight, hugs lasted minutes long as you all shouted over each other. This was not goodbye, just a see you later.

Sero, Kaminari, Kirishima, Mina, and Jirou once again met you for a tight embrace. The dubbed Bakusquad because Bakugou was the loudest one in the group, but you all knew that if the group never held Kirishima it would never work. Bakusquad was truly Kirisquad and you excitedly talked about how you were all going to karaoke on Sunday.

A gentle cough broke you from Sero’s embrace and you turned to the last person who you hadn’t hugged yet.

Bakugou didn’t look at you as he sighed, his shoulder slumping as he looked at you. Your lips quirked as your heart raced at his red-tinged eyes, he had cried too.

“We’ll see you guys later!” Kaminari yelled as the boxes in the now empty common room belonged to you.

“We’re still on for tonight?” Bakugou asked as his finger brushed the wet trails that stained your cheeks.

“Have I ever ditched you or stood you up?”

“You could have made plans in your crying hysteria, it’s been done before.”

His words are teasing and you laugh as you launch yourself into his arms. Your arms wrap around his neck as his rest around your waist.

“I don’t know why you weren’t interested in having a spa day with the girls!” You teased as you bit your lower lip.

“Too much gossip about dicks,” Bakugou rolled his eyes as he squeezed you tightly.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t go, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me talking about my dick of a boyfriend,” you whisper as his eyes shine brilliantly.

“Hah? You’re really gonna fucking--”

Bakugou never got to finish that sentence as your lips pressed against his and his mind went weak as he kissed you back.

You were the undoing of Bakugou Katsuki.

You made him weak, yet he’s never felt stronger.

[shanastoryteller]

Trick or Treat Shana!!!! Could you maybe do something Naruto related? I love how you spin the show

Naruto insists that theywere the best of friends from the beginning, inseparable from the moment thathe knocked her over while running from an irate shop keeper at the age of five.

Sakura rolls her eyes andinsists that it was only once they started the academy at the age of seven thatthey became real friends.

It doesn’t make much ofdifference about which one of them is right. The end result is the same.

~

Sakura doesn’t really have a crush on Sasuke. For one,she’s used to loud and bright and cheerful, and his stoic angst just gives hera headache. For another, Sasuke thinks Naruto is an idiot, which he kind of is,but he’s her idiot, so. That being said, competing for his attention with Inois usually a lot of fun, and there’s a thrill of triumph at her shrill cry ofdespair at Sakura being put on Sasuke’s team instead of her. Unfortunately,it’s pretty much immediately overwhelmed with the knowledge that she’s been puton a team with her best friend and a silent, stubborn jerk.

She meets Naruto’s gazeacross the room, and he shrugs in ‘what can you do’ gesture. Sakura sighs,because in her ideal world she’d have been put on a team with Ino and Naruto –even Kiba would have been okay – but training with Sasuke is going to be such apain.

“Troublesome,” shemutters. Shikamaru (who is well aware of her true feelings and always has been)laughs.

~

On top of the roof,staring at their new sensei and trying not to snort at the bit of chalk duststill in his hair, Naruto looks at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye. Handsshoved in his pockets and shoulder’s hunched, he just looks kind of …. lonely. Naruto’s pressed up next to Sakura from shoulder to hip, but it’s kind of justoccurring to him that he’s never actually seen Sasuke touch anybody before,unless it was sparring.

He’s knocked out of histhought process by Sakura elbowing him in the ribs. “Hey!” he rubs his side,but doesn’t move away from her. “What was that for?”

“Sensei’s talking toyou,” she says, glaring, but he’s known her way too long not to notice thespark of amusement hidden in her eyes.

“Oh, right. What?” heblinks.

Kakashi’s eye is stillclosed and it looks like he’s grinning under the mask, but Naruto is verycertain he’s irritated. It’s what Naruto does best after all. “I said, you gofirst.”

“Go first for what?” he asks. Sakura coughs to hide a laugh. He knocks their shins together.

“Name, likes, dislikes,dreams …” Kakashi repeats.

Naruto thinks if helistened carefully he could hear the man gritting his teeth. “Oh. I’m NarutoUzumaki! I like Sakura, and training, and ramen, and Iruka-sensei! Idislike….uh,” he scratches his head, eyes squinting. He’s probably laying in ona little thick, but Sakura is nearly turning red to keep from laughing so it’sworth it. “I dislike the four minutes it takes ramen to cook, and the Councilbecause they give Jiji headaches. I’m going to be Hokage!” He ended thisdeclaration with throwing both hands up in victory signs.

Kakashi blinks. “…Right.Pinky, you next.”

“Okay!” Sakura chirps andflutters her eyes at him, and now it’s Naruto’s turn to keep from laughing.“I’m Sakura Haruno. I like Naruto, cooking, and reading.” Naruto shoots her awounded look, and she rolls her eyes. “Training is fun too, I guess. I dislikepeople who are mean to my friends. My dream is to be a top class kunoichi, andprove that ninjas from civilian backgrounds can be just as good!”

“Yatta!” Naruto andSakura high five.

Kakashi is blinkingprobably more than he needs to. If he’s thrown off by them now, Naruto isseriously looking forward to working with him, even if he’s late always. “Okay.Your turn,” he jerks his chin towards Sasuke. Both Naruto and Sakura turn tolook at the last Uchiha in interest, because as far as they’re aware Sasule’sonly hobbies are training and being a bastard.

The kid grunts andstraightens part way from his crouch, “Sasuke Uchiha. I like getting stronger.I dislike being weak. My dream is to rebuild my clan and avenge their deaths.”

Sakura slumps so most ofher weight is on Naruto. He pats her shoulder, and they don’t have to look ateach other to know they’re both having the same thought:

We’re doomed.

~

Kakashi is, if he’s beinghonest with himself, intrigued by this group of genin. They’d all hidden whenhe’s said the test was about to begin, but Sasuke’s off on his own while Narutoand Sakura have hidden themselves up the top of one of trees at the edgeof the clearing. With a little bit of chakra, it’s easy enough to pick up theirconversation.

“-Academy! This isinsane!” That’s Naruto, far too loud for someone supposedly hiding.

Sakura responds, tornbetween frustrated and whining, “I know! A genin against a jounin –“

“Oh not just any jounin.Copy-Nin Kakashi, he’s S-Ranked in the Bingo Book. He’s also Ex-Anbu.”

Kakashi blinks, becauseno one below Chunnin should have access to a Bingo Book, and anyways how the fuck does Naruto know he used to be anANBU?

“Naruto, how the hell do you know that?”

“Who used to babysit me?”Naruto returns. Kakashi isn’t even seeing the words in his book anymore,because Naruto wasn’t actually supposed to know he was being watched by Anbu.And if, as an organization, they’d been beat by a kid, he was turning in hisheadband.

“Huh,” Sakura says, “Anytips?”

“He smells like dogs and,unlike most of ANBU, almost never like blood,” Naruto offers, dry.

Sakura groans, whileKakashi mentally puts down training with the Inuzuka for Naruto whether theypass or not based on his sense of smell alone. “So he’s either really, reallyinsanely good, or watching you wasn’t healing time.”

“Watching me was alwayshealing time,” Naruto says immediately, and for being a supposed dead lastNaruto is proving himself to be an annoyingly perceptive little kid. “Why elsewould they waste Anbu on me? It was a mission, but a mission with like, zerorisk. And Kakashi-sensei is really,really insanely good, so there’s no way they’d waste him on me if he couldperform other missions. “

“Unless there’s apersonal tie between you,” Sakura says, and hoo boy, wow, what a smart littlekiunoichi in training she is. He’s going to destroy her.

“You know,” he sayscheerfully, shiriwaming to right next to them, “You two should be more quiet ifyou’re trying to hide your position.”

“AAAHHH!” Naruto screams,and then falls out of the tree. Sakura follows Naruto down, more controlledin her decent, but they both hit the ground softly, rolling to their feet andrunning across the field without breaking momentum. He throws a katon jutsoafter them, and the fireball goes wide, but Naruto still yelps and ducks.Kakashi leans against the branch, and hopes it will have the effect of drawingSasuke out as well.

Kakashi leaves a clonelazily reading Icha Icha in the tree, and goes to trail the genin. He findsthem in another clearing, this time with a low level notice-me-not jutsu aroundthem. Of course, it’s only effective if the person doesn’t know who they’relooking for, but it’s a nice try.

“We need a plan,” Sakurais saying, “We can’t just hide from him, we’ll never get the bells from himthis way.”

“We can’t get the bellsfrom him at all,” Naruto sighs, “He’s a jounin,”

“Theoretically, a fewgenin can take out a jounin.”

“Yeah, maybe, but certainly not alone. Andwe’re awesome Sakura, we’re great, but –“

“We’re no match forKakashi-sensei,” Sakura agrees, slumping.

Naruto huffs and thensquints, looking eerily close to where Kakashi is hiding. He crosses his arms,“I could just send a couple hundred shadow clones at him to wear him down?”Kakashi really hopes Naruto’s exaggerating, but he read Iruka Imuno’s report,so he knows he isn’t.

“You know, we could ask Sasuke for help,” Sakura says.

Kakashi blinks. This ispromising.

Naruto snorts, “Oh, yeah,like he’ll go for that. You heard him, he’s all avenging lone wolf.”

Sakura grumbles, “We’lljust beat him up until he agrees.”

“I don’t want to waste mychakra beating sense into Sasuke. That could exhaust even my reserves.”

“Naruto, you justsuggested making a few hundred shadow clones. I’ve literally seen you expelchakra from your hands for hoursbecause the shimmering was more amusing than Iruka-Sensei’s lecture. Yourchakra reserves are never a cause for concern. Your chakra control on the other hand –“

“Oh, shut up,” he shovesher, but they’re both smiling. A sudden scream of thwarted rage echoes acrossthe clearing, and Kakashi blinks as his clone is dispelled and he gets thememories of Sasuke leading him into a trap that he never would have fallen for, but his shadow clone apparently didso cheerfully and waved at Sasuke as he was expelled.

Both Naruto and Sakuraare looking towards the sound of the scream. “Well,” Naruto sighs, “at least we know where he is.” He stands, holding out a hand to pull Sakura to her feet.“If he tries to kill us on sight, I’m blaming you,” he says, already dartingaway.

“If he succeeds, I’mblaming you,” Sakura counters.

Kakashi silently followsthem. Even if Sasuke flat out rejects them, he still might pass them. Narutoand Sakura clearly understand the value of teamwork, and clearly not just witheach other. That’s valuable, especially in ninja so young.

[kerra-and-company]

3, 4, 20, 21 from the headcanons ask game! ✨

Sure, sounds like a plan @i-mybrunettelady :D

3. How big is the Pact in respect to other military forces? Who supports them monetarily (they’ve had enough resources to build Fort Trinity long before it was certain they could even take Zhaitan)

Originally (pre-HoT), I'd say pretty large! They smashed together the three orders of Tyria into one organization, and each of them was a decent-sized group on its own. It's really hard to get a sense of the scale, especially since I feel like most of the military/defense forces we see have to be smaller. (The Wardens came to mind first, but I think the Seraph and the Peacemakers are also probably both smaller groups than the Pact.) The charr legions as a whole have got to be at least the same size as the Pact, but individually they're probably smaller. Post-HoT, I have less of a concrete idea, but I imagine that they eventually build up their ranks to something close to or matching their original size.

As for monetary support, I have to assume that each of the orders have some way of making money, and the original building of Fort Trinity drew on those coffers specifically. Once the Pact forms, they might continue drawing on whatever those ways were; they might also (once they prove they're actually a viable dragon destruction force) be subsidized on some level by the different Tyrian governments--though I'm not certain exactly how that would work (or if it would work) in terms of politics and who they're beholden to, so that's a less likely option.

4. How much smarter than everyone else are asura actually? Is it all just hubris and in the end they just have a better education system?

It's really hard to tell. I want to guess half and half, but as far as I know (and I could be very wrong here), we don't have any canonical examples of asura who were raised outside of their education system. And even then, you'd have to do some sort of study in order to get any actual usable data, and...wow, my answer about asura is turning into a minor dissertation on the scientific method xD. (Not to mention that doing a study like that would have to be observational rather than experimental in order to be an ethical study and I think getting a large enough sample size would be difficult...)

But, anyways, I tend to assume half and half in my personal headcanons: they get a jump start, but it's not as much as they'd like everyone else (and themselves) to think. Though their education system does seem to be generally (minus the semi-frequent pompousness and assholery of the people in charge) pretty damn good, so they get props for that for sure.

20. How far has Orr been restored at this point?

God, I wish we could see this in game, so much. I know why the game doesn't work like that, but I would so love to see what it looks like.

But in my headcanons--it's getting there! It's been about 9-ish years in-game now since Trahearne did the cleansing ritual, so I don't think there's any way it can be completely recovered. We've seen that, even though Zhaitan is dead, the Risen are most definitely still around, so clearing them out alone probably is taking a while. I looked up ecosystem recovery to see if I could find any references, and apparently, in our world, forest ecosystems can take around 42 years to recover from devastation while ocean ecosystems take only 10 because there's more organism turnover. Based on that (and taking into account the fact that this is very much both the same and different because of magic and dragon corruption), my mental image of Orr right now is something along these lines, but with whatever plant life grows there:

There's more undergrowth now, and the ground's a lot more green, but there's still many, many remnants of the destruction. Vines wrap over most of the ruins, covering up the grey, bit by bit. As far as animals go, there's most definitely small birds and bugs even in the more damaged areas by now that are living quite happily, and the wildlife from the border with Mount Maelstrom and from the less-corrupted areas are still working on fully spreading through the rest of Orr.

So, yeah. Getting there. But it's much less "zombie zone" and much more "recovering" now, though you should still probably bring a squad if you're venturing around there.

21. Malyck. Other Trees. Mordremoth’s blighting trees… Are the Sylvari not unique?

Hmm. Depends what this question is asking, exactly. They're definitely not the only plant creatures grown from a Tree like the Pale Tree, but as of right now in canon, are they alone in being sylvari? I don't know. It's definitely my headcanon that there have been other Trees (see: my OCs Rel and Nisha, as well as the aforementioned and very canon Malyck), but whether or not they're still alive and uncorrupted by Mordremoth is another story. Additionally, it's very possible that there could be more Trees in the future or that there are some that are still growing. The Pale Tree didn't awaken the Firstborn until she'd been alive for some 225-odd years, so if there are other Trees, they might not be old enough to produce other sylvari or might simply not be inclined to do so for whatever reason.

Also, while new Trees would most likely grow in or around Maguuma due to proximity and climate, it could be possible for them to grow somewhere else if someone like Ronan found other seeds and transported them far away. There could be Trees growing in places other than Maguuma.

As far as sylvari currently being unique, as in being the only plant beings currently existing and not having any "cousins", my metaphorical money's on them indeed being unique if you follow that definition. If there were other sylvari, I think they most likely would have been found by now. (Though it also is possible that they exist and haven't been located--Tyria is pretty big. Or that they were mistaken for Pale Tree sylvari; depending on what they look like, it might not be possible to tell on sight that they were from a different tree.). The only exceptions to this (canonically speaking at least) would be Malyck and any of his siblings, if they're still alive. As for whether that will stay the case in the future? I'd say probably not. I could easily see there being multiple Trees someday. There have to be unsprouted seeds left over after Mordremoth's death, right?

[devourer--of--books]

Callis was Gavaldon’s first witch gynecologist and here’s why

Okay so, in this post we’ll be discussing topics such as sex, contraception, and some religion in the context of it being used as a mean to control people sexually. 

If you’re younger than 13, honestly, this post isn’t for you. 

If you’re unlucky, like me, and your school didn't give you proper sex ed, I beg you to ask someone about it. Your older sibling, your mom, someone, okay? Ask google. It’s important stuff you need to know.

First of all, for composure’s sake, let’s all pretend I didn’t start thinking of this due to me writing a smut fic. At 4am, on my tablet notes. On my defense, tho, there’s an astonishing lack of E-rated fics on this fandom and someone ought do it, okay? Moving on.

So, where shall we start?

Let’s get context out of the way, welcome to my analyses, the actual headcanons are here, I promise, let me just bore you to death first:

The SGE book series overall is set in fantasy fairytale land (The Endless Woods), with the exception of Gavaldon, aka, the reader village. Due to this, there’s not really a time period liking the SGE world to ours, neither can it be presumed by the world building, as Soman mixes traditional medieval elements  with modern elements, which I know bothers some of you too, it ain’t just me, but nevermind that right now.

The point is, the arguments I’m making on this post are based on aspects mentioned in the books, but I’m also going to draw some information from the real world.

A big chunk of the first two books rely on the world the existence of a patriarchal structure in that world, as do some plot points during the rest of the series, but if I were to dive into that we’d be here all night. Talking about the Endless Woods social structure is very complicated, specially with the ‘no labels in the woods’ stuff combined with the misogyny. It’s messy. 

Thankfully for this post, we’ll only go into Gavaldon, because I feel things there are more… explicit (pun intended).

So here’s what we know of Gavaldon’s social structure pre-book 1:

It’s a decent sized village with no official government. There’s no political figure of power, such as prince or a mayor, as they eventually get in QFG. There also doesn’t seem to be an actual economic class distinction between the people of Gavaldon, other than mentions of beggars (pretty sure it’s just one tho, but I might be wrong). Everyone works and trades amongst themselves, with people having more or less the same things (except for Callis and Agatha, due to them being social outcasts). 

Who has power in Gavaldon?

The Elders Council. They make the laws, they are respected, they have influence, and therefore they have power. These dudes stopped people from selling food to Stefan’s family during book 2, and threatened his new family in front of everybody during book 3. And everyone in Gavaldon loved that man. Why are they powerful tho?

Power is born out of inequality. If you have what we have not, we follow where you lead. Gavaldon has no nobles and no bourgeoisie. Geez, I wonder which powerful class we’re missing.

The clergy.

Personally, I hold no love for the church. I’m an atheist, but, as this post is about SGE and not religion, I’ll try to be as neutral as possible, as the point is not to offend or disrespect anyone. When I mention ‘religion’ or ‘clergy’ from this point on, I’m talking about religion as an Institution. As in the Medieval Catholic Church (which if you don’t agree was at least kind of very evil, I don’t know if I want you reading my posts anyway, so feel free to leave).

Most likely, the members of Elders Council of Galvadon were linked to its Church, whatever religion they may have. I can’t see any reason why they would have so much influence otherwise. Who appoints new men to the positions once one of them dies? I’m gonna guess the remaining members of the Council. 

And no one said anything? For centuries. Okay. Corruption? Never heard of her.

Also, burning unmarried women as a way to solve problems claiming they were witches? Wonder where I’ve seen this before.

The fact they’re men, should get mentioned too, just in case you forgot. I bet there are women just as old and wise, if not wiser than the members of the council. Hm, wow why they’re not part of the council.

This hypothesis ties in with the fact that the education given to the kids is limited to the local school, which, given the lack of government and simplicity of work relations, is probably funded by the clergy. We don’t see any proof of this, but again, if we’re comparing Galvadon to a medieval village, it would make sense.

What is even taught at this school? Math and whatever language they speak there, sure, but like they have little to no history that we know of, geography would be pointless, there are no foreign languages, science who, and with these clowns running the village I’ll bet there is no philosophy or social studies and... Doesn’t matter, let’s not do this right now.

Callis briefly mentioned that all girls in Galvadon must marry before the end of their school education, or they are deemed witches. The Elders Council even chooses the matches, in case those aren’t naturally formed or if they disagree with pre-existing ones. These kids are what,15,16, maybe younger?

(this makes me so mad, you have no idea-)

ANYWAY. They form these child marriages, for... look I’m gonna presume is because of population reposition. They need an average of 2 kids per couple or they’ll have more people dying than people being born. Let’s just presume it’s because of this because if it’s because of some tradition stuff I’ll scream, okay?

Maybe they have a low life expectancy in Gavaldon (which is another evidence for the case that the elders are part of the clergy, they probably don’t work, so they live longer). 

So have them teenage girls poping them babies, I guess.

Also, a miracle they have survived this long, because the genetic pool for Gavaldon must be the worst ever, everyone is related to everyone, ew. At least, in theory, there would be no STIs.

In theory.

Ahem… During the middle ages, all forms of birth control tended to be frowned upon, at least here on the west, including coitus interruptus (aka, pull out method), (tho it depends of who was the pope at the time, some of them were cool with this one if you already had too many kids and was like super poor), because sex was supposed to be about procreating, so a marriage with no kids was ‘pointless’. 

(hear me raging in the background, this context is stressing me out, i just wanna get to the headcanons-)

We can assume this view is probably compatible with the Elders Council mindset, as they are marrying CHILDREN. 

If there were any available contraceptive methods, you can bet they weren’t teaching this stuff at school. They probably have no sex ed, and if they do, it’s going to be just about periods and vague stuff. Gotta love them church schools (I never went to one, officially, but honestly, I live in Brazil, what even is Secular State).

(“Don’t have sex before marriage, you’re gonna get pregnant and die”, - one of the teachers at the Galvadon school at some point, I bet)

Let me also mention that there is an specific Gavaldon law that states that if a girl is pregnant she is going to marry the boy who knocked her up. Which, specially in Vanessa’s case, makes no f-ing sense. Could she prove it was Stefan’s? Did she sent it to a DNA lab? If Stefan was the Elders favorite why would they not take his word?

I digress, let’s say Stefan didn’t deny sleeping with her and only said he was under a spell, which, hm, how dumb do you have to be to do that, it’s lying 101, Stefan c’mon, but okay, you do you.

So they are probably super “moral” in Galvadon. You know, the kind of moral who just swipes stuff under the rug. Like, yeah, Stefan you’re now doomed to marrying Vanessa, but ain’t nobody gonna say a thing if you cheat on her as long as you don’t do it during plain daylight.

(The amount of closeted gays in Gavaldon is probably astronomical, can you imagine?)

And then you have Callis. Whom I think is probably responsible for the introduction of birth control in Gavaldon. We have arrived at the headcanons. Hear me out:

After Stefan saved Callis, she was deemed a witch. She’s a ‘witch’ doctor for the town. Only the most desperate of people seek her out. 

That means she normally wouldn’t get a lot of patients. Like, Idk about you, but Gavaldon doesn’t seem big enough for her to have people looking for her everyday. And she probably had to feed Agatha somehow.

But, while her being a doctor for normal diseases wasn’t really working all that well, everyone knew she had a hand in Vanessa’s miracle child. So ‘infertile’ women and women who had been getting sickly during pregnancies start looking for her, asking for her to help them. 

Callis obviously doesn’t use her magic, but as she can’t say she used magic for Vanessa, she gives them generally good advice about herbs and stuff they can add to their food to make it ‘more likely’, aka stuff that reduces stress, telling them how to eat better, stuff they should avoid, etc. She’s no big expert, but at least in the Endless Woods they had sex ed and she was witch, she just knows stuff.

So she becomes this sort of witch gynecologist for Gavaldon’s desperate women.

It works for a while, but then people eventually share these tips amongst themselves to avoid going to see her. Then, it’s back to slightly starving herself so baby Agatha could eat.

One day, a teenage girl arrives at her doorstep in the middle of the night, trading food for her help. If she could ‘make people more fertile’, she could surely make them miscarriage. Maybe this girl got pregnant by sleeping with someone the elders didn’t aprove for her to marry, maybe it was something else a bit darker, but we won’t talk about how that could be common, given you could literally force someone to marry you if they had your child.

Callis panics, because she wasn't ‘making anyone more fertile’ really, she was making them healthier and therefore more likely to have a healthy kid. If she were to tell her to do the reverse of what she told the others, not only it wouldn’t work, but it would actually harm the girl’s health.

At first she’s like, “I can’t help you…”, but then she hears baby Agatha crying, poor thing, so hungry all the time. So Callis decides, “you know what, might as well”.

There’s probably many potions made with magic one could take to not have a baby in the Woods. Even ones that cause abortions with no side effects or danger to the woman. But there also more natural ways, ones that maybe aren’t 100% effective, but would work, tho it had some side effects.

So Callis, makes her a potion to take. For real life comparisons, let’s say she used Queen Anne’s Lace, which works a bit like Plan B. The girl is thankful, and goes on her way.

Soon enough, everybody knows Callis can do these potions. You have girls sneaking to Graves Hill in the middle of the night to get help in exchange for food and while the elders know something is fishy, they can’t do much anything about it. They ask Callis what is up with that and she’s like ‘nope, just ya know, helping them have babies, plan b who’.

She tries to introduce a variation of the potion, one that acts as birth control, because it would stop people from being irresponsable all the time, but the Plan B one is the one every girl wants, because well, it’s easier. You can be unsafe and then take a potion and it’s fine. Soon, it’s not just girls. There’s full grown women there too, who should really know better.

She is pissed, so she says she won’t make them any more potions unless people stop being so careless.

Someone tries to make a knock-off potion, but it ends tragically, because people don’t really know what Callis puts in it. And well… you know what looks a bit like Queen Anne’s Lace?

F-ing Water Hemlock, that’s what.

After that incident, people listen to Callis when it came to ingesting stuff. And thus, birth control culture is born in Gavaldon. Other people started trying out other things to avoid dealing with Callis, like animal-based condoms, pull-out method and inserting acacia gum into your vagina before you had sex,but she had a good clientele overall.

The Elders? Pissed. But since they couldn’t just prove this was her fault, they just kept on hating on her from a distance.

After Agatha has her first period, Callis sits her down and pretty much gives her the talk. Agatha doesn’t really see a point to it, boys are gross, but she listens nonetheless. 

Callis gives Agatha the best sex ed homeclass ever, you can bet she will teach her correct anatomy, debunk myths the school told her about both periods and her own body and even promised her to teach her how to make the birth control potion once she got older.

Again Agatha doesn’t see a point, but okay.

When Agatha comes home with Tedros, years later tho. Callis is... worried.

She tries to ask Agatha if she’s being safe but her daughter just... stops functioning. Blushing like crazy. 

 (“We just kissed, like, once, mom.”)

That being said… Callis doesn’t live long enough to teach her how to make the potion.

So when Tedros and Agatha’s relationship starts to progress (hm… if you wanna read something about it, maybe wait a couple of days, I might or my might not have a sin fic in the works, it wouldn’t be one of my posts if it had no self-promotion, I’m my own sponsor after all) she’s unsure of who to ask about this.

And it makes her extra sad about her mother’s death, so that’s great.

I honestly don’t know who she would ask. If you have any ideas, please tell me. Because I’m kind of inclined to think that maybe Merlin might have predicted this and handed a recipe to her as a semi-joke, but idk. Maybe Uma?

But yes, Callis was totally Gavaldon’s first witch gynecologist. And after they made Stefan mayor, I want people to remember her for the absolute legend she was, okay?

[fanforthefics]

17, tyson/gabe

meeting at a party whilst drunk au

Tyson doesn’t believe in regret. Regret is for people with too much time on their hands, whose lives are filled with the plebeian and the mundane. Tyson is an artist, he carpes the diem, he lives his life to the fullest, he doesn’t take the time to look back and regret. He should basically be in Moulin Rouge. 

That being said, he is maybe going to regret that last tequila shot. 

“No, see, you don’t get it,” Tyson tells Nate, his solo cup waving in the air. “It’s just a boring class, it’s not even hard.” 

“You want to trade?” Nate asks. He’s slumped on the couch, a beer in his hands that he looks too dispirited to even drink. His latest midterm really took it out of him. “You can be the mech e major, and I’ll go to your classes and draw shit.” 

“But then who will support me when I’m a starving artist?” Tyson asks. He gives Nate his biggest, most pleading eyes. “I need someone to save me from my tuberculosis.” 

Colin, from his other side, snorts and grabs Tyson’s solo cup before it tips over. “I think your dad’s money will do that,” he points out, which is maybe true but like, a low blow. 

“Whatever. You guys are just lame,” Tyson informs them. “I don’t know why I’m friends with you.”

“Neither do I,” Colin replies easily. Tyson sticks out his tongue. 

“Just for that, I’m going to go find someone else who will understand my woes,” he announces. 

Nate sighs, like the world has crashed down upon his shoulders. “No, it’s good, I need to hear about someone else’s problems so me failing out of school won’t sound as bad.” 

“You didn’t fail,” Tyson tells him, kicking at his leg. “Come on, get up, we need you moving.” He tugs. Nate sighs again, but at least now he’s upright. He just needs another drink and maybe some karaoke. Tyson’s going to go look into that, as soon as he’s done bitching. “But seriously. How am I supposed to get better as an artist if they don’t give me good models?” 

“I thought you said that Roman was the model,” Colin asks. He seems to get on board with Tyson’s herding them through the party towards where the rest of the drinks are, which is good because Tyson needs one hand for pulling Nate along and one for his solo cup. 

“Yeah, exactly, have you seen him? He’s way too pretty to be a model.” Tyson yells over the noise of the party. A dude they’re passing by turns to him, like he thinks they’re talking about him; Tyson nods to him because hey, no harm in letting him think that.  

“I don’t think that makes sense,” Nate says, listless. “Or maybe I’m not smart enough for it to make sense.” 

“Nah, you’re too sober for Tyson logic,” Colin tells him, patting him on the back. 

“No, it’s real,” Tyson insists. “I mean, yeah, you are too sober, come on finish that and I’ll make you something. But also, it’s real. Beautiful people are boring to sketch, they’re just–beautiful. There’s nothing new about it. You draw one perfect face, you’ve drawn all of them. Like, look at him.” Tyson gestures across the kitchen, to where the most beautiful blonde man he’s ever seen is standing, talking to another large blonde man who seems to be missing some teeth. “He’d be boring to draw. I could draw him in my sleep, probably. There’s nothing interesting there.” 

Maybe he says it too loudly. Maybe it’s one of those lulls in conversations that happen at parties. Maybe it’s just Tyson and his luck. Maybe this is that last tequila shot talking. 

Whatever it is, the beautiful man turns around, and gives Tyson a look that has him half quaking and a lot turned on. “Excuse me?” he demands. Even his voice is hot, what the fuck. 

Tyson, because he can’t not, doubles down. “You’d be boring to draw,” he tells him. “It’s not your fault, it’s just like, the one down side of being hot. I could draw you or I could draw Prince Charming, it’d be the same.” 

“I am not boring,” the guy protests, his face drawing together thunderously. It’s actually a pretty interesting expression. His friend, however, is looking delighted. “I am interesting.” 

“Fine, but your face isn’t. I mean, it’s gorgeous, and I’m an art student I should know, but it’s not interesting. See, this–” Tyson gestures to his face– “This is interesting. Your friend, without the teeth–that’s interesting.” The guy gives his friend a look like he’s betrayed his entire family. The friend is really grinning now. “You’re not.” 

“I’m not?” the guy echoes. “Prove it.” 

“What?” 

“Prove it,” he says, like he’s won. “Prove I’m so easy to draw.” It’s a dare, and he sounds like he doesn’t think Tyson’s going to do it, which just shows how little he knows Tyson. Which maybe makes sense, as he doesn’t know Tyson.

“Fine,” Tyson announces, and gets an incredulous look from the guy, a cackle from his friend, a resigned chuckle from Colin, and another sigh from Nate, who really isn’t as invested in this as Tyson thinks he should be. “Someone get me some paper and a pencil, we’re doing this.” 

“Tyson, you do abstract sculpture,” Colin mutters. Tyson ignores him. 

“Fine,” the guy snaps back. “EJ–” 

“Oh I am finding supplies,” the friend says. “Nemo must have them around here somewhere, don’t move.” 

“Should we move?” the guy asks Tyson, all false solicitousness. “I wouldn’t want you to be disad–disadvantaged–” he sluts the word a little– “By bad lighting.” 

“Fuck you, like you have bad lighting,” Tyson throws back. “We’re doing this right here. You, stand–” he pushes the guy back against the counter, where he’s got a decent contraposto going on. The guy goes, lets Tyson pose him, which means Tyson really gets some hands on knowledge of how muscled his arms are. 

“Okay, I’m–wow, you move fast,” EJ says, coming back in holding a notepad and a mechanical pencil aloft like trophies. 

“I’m posing him,” Tyson explains. He looks up–the guy is annoyingly, perfectly tall, of course–to find bright blue eyes looking down at him, still determined and a little hazy with alcohol but with a glint of good humor in them. It’s all very attractive. Tyson doesn’t regret this, exactly, but maybe he should have thought about this for a second. “You good? Not going to cramp up and mess me up?” 

“This is fine,” the guys replies. “If you can handle it.” 

“If I can handle it,” Tyson mutters, and grabs the paper and pencil from EJ. Neither of them are great quality, but whatever, he doesn’t need great quality. “I can handle you.” 

“Sure,” the guy retorts, and grins. It’s a frankly devastating smile. 

“Okay, clear the area,” EJ announces, pushing people away. “Come on, you get over there,” he tells Nate and Colin. Colin rolls his eyes and doesn’t move. Nate lets out a long breath but looks a little more interested in the proceedings as he moves people away, so, at least that’s a win. 

Then Tyson sits down to draw. 

It’s–look, he meant it. Beautiful people are easier to draw, in a lot of ways; they’re beautiful because they’re symmetric and simpler, basically. It’s like, basic aesthetic theory. But also, that’s only true if you don’t put effort into it, because the longer Tyson draws the more he sees, like, the little crinkles at the corners of the guy’s eyes like he smiles a lot, and the cocky set to his shoulders, and the smudge on his hand probably from pen, which means he probably is old school and likes handwritten notes. Tyson likes art because he likes to find that in people, in things; find the inside and make it the outside, and even drunk that’s true. 

So all in all, the drawing’s not bad, even for a rough sketch, is what he’s saying, but he feels oddly shy when he puts down the pencil. Colin and Nate have wandered away a little chatting to EJ about who knows what; they aren’t paying attention anymore. 

“There,” he says. “Done.” 

“Well let me see,” the guy demands. “Come on, I have to judge if I really am that easy to draw.” 

“Whatever, it was about interesting, not boring,” Tyson tells him, but he hands over the notepad, then waits as the guy stares down at it, his mouth gaping a little open. 

Tyson is not capable of waiting for more than thirty seconds, though, so, “So?” he prompts. 

The guy looks up. He doesn’t look so snappish anymore. “You should sign it,” he tells Tyson. “That’s what artists do, right?” 

“What, you aren’t keeping–” 

“Yes I am,” the guy says. “But first, you’re signing it.” He holds out the notepad. Tyson takes it back, looking at little skeptical. It’s not that good. 

“And,” the guy goes on. “You should probably add your number. In case I have any follow up questions.” 

Tyson freezes. Looks up halfway through his signature. 

The guy is still looking at him, but there’s a smile twinkling in his eyes and the corners of his lips. 

“That was really smooth,” Tyson tells him, and adds his phone number. 

The guy laughs, and takes the notepad back, then switches hands so he can hold his right out for Tyson to shake. “Gabe,” he tells Tyson. His hand is warm, and lingers a little. “Maybe I can prove that I really am interesting–” he glances down at the sketch– “Tyson.”  

Tyson grins back. Yeah, he regrets nothing. 

[lestatdesade]

I've been trying not to take adderall bc its been fucking up my skin big time but when I take it I feel so. much. better. It doesnt entirely remove the fatigue but it does mitigate the brain fog and lets me avctually think about things. Also yesterday I was like "wow i've been so unproductive" but actually I plowed through my entire list minus a couple drawings that I cant do bc I ran out of decent paper to draw on. Like I work 5 days on, then 5 days off, but the museam is closed on certain days that are low traffic or have privately done tours. So its a bit weird. But yeah yrsterday I scanned ALMOST ALL THE FILM IVE BEEN PROCRASTINATING ON, I just have one more roll to scan left!!! Then I can justify sending out some more rolls that I have to be developed. Oh, and I got a 45 year old sx70 camera from a flea market thats in super good condition and the 2 pics I took look great but I havent had the chance to take it somewhere nice to use it. It kind of needs full daylight to work and it's been raining or too hot for me to go outside at all. It's such a nicely built camera. I said that I wouldnt get one bc it requires different film than my other polaroid cameras but it's really nice, heavy leather and metal build. and it folds up to be super compact??? It's so, so nice and I'm forever salty that modern tech devices just don't have thje same quality. Everything these days is built to be shitty and have no life. This camera is older than me, and tbh, it'll probably outlive me and still function well. but with the huge advances that we've made technologically, none of my current electronics will ever hope to outlive my 70s camera. I don't think its a lack of ability for companies to construct quality goods, bc manufactuering in a digital age of laser tech thats very uniform and not human made is easier, but they PURPOSEFULLY skimp on quality to sell more. to me, thats just the fuckin epitome of stupid. Like hey, we have such incredible technological knowledge, but lets fuckin ignore it so we can make more money from having phones and computers that are pretty much disposable in usage bc they have such a short lifespan. idk it just bothers me, but as a lead on, I've been working super hard on learning new art skills. I've been working a great deal w/ watercolors and I am dabbling in using UV resin. when i visisted my grandma for her birthday, I asked if I could pick one of her beloved pansy flowers. So I picked it, pressed it and encased it in resin to make a pendant. I think she's really going to love it. She makes great pressed flower art, so i fee like its a collab between us, though I don't have nearly as much experience. She gave me a pressed flower arrangement she did and framed it for me for christmas and everytime i see it I m just filled with this kind of overwhelming happiness that she made it for me. I always feel very bleak about my life expectancy since my dad died before he hit 50, and my mother is in her midsixties and I doubt if she'll make it to 70. But my grandma is like, in her 90s and walks without assistance, climbs stairs, routinely spends time with friends, and is probably more mentally sharp than I am. So I'm hoping my parents bS will skip a generation and I'll get my grandmas health. I'm not really afraid to die, but I think looking at how my parents lack of longevity doesnt really make me feel positive about the fact that I'm inching closer and closer to 30 and that I'm sure that all the psychiatric meds I've taken, and all this stress and fatigue have greatly shortened my life span. But I'm trying to keep positive and realize that much of my goals in life that have been long term were made out of internalizing toxic ideas and psychological manipulation and gaslighting. I know that deep down, most of the ideas that I have formed around even the most basic concepts of life, death and selfqworth are tainted by the abuse I went through as a kid. But I'm reearning a lot of it and really thinking about things in a way that is detached from my own experiences, and trying to reposition my perspectives. I think the idea that anyone can unlearn the hatred they are taught and that even some really "defined:" beliefs we have are more or less conditioning has really hanged the way I feel about myself. I'm less concerned about my own mortality, my legacy, and the thoughts of others. I just want to enjoy this experience of being alive, and anything more was really a lie and a delusion that I was tricked into thinking. I used to belive that if I didn't EXCEED EXPECTATIONS and make a mastery of myself then that would prove my abusers right, and confirm the idea that I am worthless as truth. But I have learned that basing peoples worth off of their success is stupid, and I can't change the illness that has destroyed all my hopes and dreams. And also that well, I don't NEED to have these crazy, unattainable goals and pipedreams to make myself feel like I deserve to live. I deserve to live, exactly as I am, even if I am a nuerotic loser who lives with my mom despite being nearly 30 and having a job. I domt have to be some fucking legend to show people that I didn't need to kill myself. I never should have felt as though that was an obligation to begin with. I exist because I do, and I don't hurt others or act recklessly in a way that endangers other people. I don't hoard resources so that others cant use them. I'm just a nuetral being, thats akll

[dxlxntwxnz]

Not Myself Without You (E.D)

Requested prompt: “Stop looking at me like I’m your everything.”

“I just don’t love you anymore, Y/N,” Ethan said, me standing outside his front door. “Please, just stop coming over. Stop texting me. Stop calling me. I can’t do this anymore.”

I ran my hands through my hair. “Ethan, what do you mean? We literally just looked at apartments in New York together? You couldn’t have told me that you were out before this? Before now? We were supposed to meet with the realtor today together to sign the rental agreement on the place we chose together. You and I. We chose to make this a thing, to make us a thing. I can’t believe you would do this to me…”

He just continued to stare blankly at me, jaw clenching and unclenching. “Stop looking at me like I’m your everything. You have other things going on. You’re gonna be just fucking fine without me. We don’t need each other anymore.”

That was it. That was enough. “You know what, Ethan Dolan? Fuck you. You don’t’ know how I feel. You don’t get to tell me how I’m gonna be. Fuck you and the fact that I ever fell in love with you. I never want to see you again.” I said before storming off. Fuck Ethan. Fuck love.

I got into my car, driving away as fast as possible. Looking at him like he’s my everything? What the hell kind of egotistical person would say that? Who did he think he was? We were not codependent. We just were evolving like any serious relationship would. Both of us had opportunities in New York that we couldn’t pass up on and this seemed like a great time for us to follow our dreams and luckily enough also get to move in together.

He was going to work on the set of some upcoming, underground Netflix show and I was ready to finally break out into journalism as an intern. Yeah, not much of a breakout but at this point, I couldn’t pass up on it.

I couldn’t believe he would leave me like this, especially now that I had to deal with this New York issue all on my own. I was too angry to make a reasonable phone call to the realtor but he left me with this and so I called her, trying to hold back my tears as my anger shifted to sadness. Ethan Dolan had broke me. Ethan Dolan did what he promised he never would do. Ethan Dolan stole my heart and made sure he shattered it in the most him way possible. He knew what he was saying, and he knew that the timing was bad.

Finally, I was home. Finally, I could crawl into bed and hide. Hide until my heart was numb and I couldn’t feel anymore. Hide until Ethan didn’t exist to me. Hide until I was myself again.

 A year had passed since that day. I had moved to a new apartment in New York. An apartment for one that wasn’t nearly as nice as the one E and I had found together, but that’s what happens when your budget gets cut in half I guess. I actually didn’t think about him much anymore. My internship turned into a fulltime job and I had made a decent number of friends in New York, even had a new boyfriend at one point. It didn’t last long but he made me happy while it lasted.

It took one year since we had broken up for me to see Ethan again.

We were both in the same, dark and dingy bar. I couldn’t believe it. I almost forgot how he looked, having used a lot of self-control to avoid checking on his social media pages for this long. I say almost forgot because I obviously recognized him immediately. His aura almost drawing me to him. It was like my soul needed him. Like something about me couldn’t let him go. Was that why my last relationship didn’t last? Probably, but I didn’t want to admit that to anyone. Not even myself.

I watched him from afar, sipping my whiskey slowly. Trying to read this whole situation. What was he doing here? Who was he with? Why did he have to look so damn good? I needed to leave. I couldn’t be here any longer without doing anything stupid, and staring at him from across the bar was already a bit too much for me.

As I spun around in my stool, ready to leave, Grayson appeared in front of me.

“Y/N? Oh my god is that you?” he said, jaw dropped.

I downed the rest of my drink quickly before getting up and walking to great him. “Grayson, wow it feels like it’s been forever! I would love to catch up but I was just leaving…” I said, trying to escape this as quickly as possible.

As I went to squeeze past him, my hand placed on his bicep, he grabbed my hand. “Y/N, you should come see Ethan. He’s here tonight and I’m sure he’d love to see you. Please just wait here?”

I nodded hesitantly, causing Grayson to smile. He put up his index finger, signaling for me to wait a minute while he went to go get Ethan before turning away to go find his twin. I couldn’t wait for him. I really didn’t want to see Ethan ever again, I meant that when I said it a year ago. I still felt that way now. I turned to head out the door, pushing my way through the sweaty crowd until I made it to the door of the bar but not without turning back one time before exiting.

I instantly regretted taking that look back, meeting Ethan’s sad eyes when I did. He called out to me, I couldn’t hear him over the music but I could read his lips and I knew that if I didn’t turn and leave immediately I would never be able to turn away from him ever again.

I shoved the door open, walking as fast as possible to get away from Ethan without running. I was wearing black leather boots with stiletto heels, which I had learned how to walk in but I was regretting wearing them now that I had to speed walk faster than I ever had in any type of shoes. If only they didn’t look so good with my black leather jacket, blue skinny jeans, and black and white striped shirt. Damn me for trying look nice.

I was just about to turn the corner when I heard someone call my name. I knew that voice anywhere. It was Ethan. It was him and I was not gonna stop for him. I refused to give him any of my time ever again. My apartment was close to here, I always went to that bar because of its convenient proximity to my apartment. Now I guess I couldn’t go there again.

The footsteps behind me got faster and louder. “Y/N, please.” He said, still a distance away from me. That distance didn’t last for long enough, seeing as he was suddenly holding onto my hand and turning me to face him.

“Y/N. I just want to talk to you. Please, hear me out.” He begged. I refused to look him in the eye, but I didn’t move so he continued. “Y/N, I haven’t had a day where you weren’t on my mind since the day I broke up with you. I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to break your heart the way I did but I had to. I couldn’t hold you back when you had such a great opportunity ahead of you.”

I finally looked up at him, meeting his soft eyes. “What do you mean you couldn’t hold me back? Ethan, we were supposed to move here together and we had everything set up.”

“I, uh, don’t know how to admit this… I didn’t get that job. At the last second, they told me that they chose to go with someone else, someone with more experience in the backstage portion of film. I couldn’t have been able to afford my half of the rent, and I knew that if I told you I couldn’t go to New York that you never would have left. You had so much undiscovered talent. I couldn’t be the reason stayed back. New York was ready for you, and I couldn’t make you doubt that you were New York too.”

I tried to blink back tears, my emotions beginning to boil over. “E, you wouldn’t have been holding me back. We were a team. I loved you, I would have been fine if we moved into the smallest apartment in the city just so that we could have been together. You just threw that away.”

He frowned, wiping a tear that rolled down my cheek. “I don’t think I could say sorry enough times, I just don’t know how to prove it to you…”

“Ethan, stop that. Stop looking at me like I’m your everything.” I said, trying to regain my composure.

“I can’t Y/N, I just can’t. I’ve been trying for a year now. You are my everything. I love you, I’ll never stop loving you. I wasn’t myself when you were away and now I’ve finally found you and I don’t think I can ever let you go again.”

I couldn’t help it; I reached around Ethan and hugged him, leaning my head on his chest. Suddenly I realized that Ethan and I were both crying, grasping at each other in the middle of a street in New York.

Pulling away, I looked up at him, the tears rolling down his cheeks. “I’ve missed you, Ethan Dolan. I never stopped loving you, no matter how hard I tried.” I closed my eyes and stood on my tip toes, reaching up to meet his lips. This kiss gave me the feeling I had been missing ever since he left. My body was no longer numb, starting from my lips to my fingertips. I thought I was myself again when I had finally gotten over the breakup, but I guess I wasn’t truly myself without the person who stole my heart and that person was Ethan Dolan. Someone I would never let get away from me again.

[oddity-writes]

Grounded Ch.1 Pt.2

Decided to post this on Ao3 as well. (Mainly cause tumblr's character limit) I will continue posting to both tumblr and Ao3. If you guys want the link to it on Ao3 let me know.

Edit: Someone on Ao3 let me know that I accidentally kept switching around Virgil's username, so I fixed it! It's Blackwings, not Darkwings. (Not really sure how I even made the mistake in the first place. My mind must have wandered.)

Tag list: @nerd-in-space @thebaagelboy

The first month of staying in the apartment and paying for everything was terrible. Even with the paychecks just about every week, Virgil still had to work himself to the bone to pay for the rent, food, clothing, and any other daily nessesities. After the first rough patch, though, he had a stable life. He was even able to put aside some money to buy a crappy computer and a cheap drawing tablet.

Using these, he would draw when ever he had free time.

"Wow," Virgil stared at his computer screen, "people like my drawings that much?"

He was honestly suprised. He's been drawing for a long time, so he decided to post some of his works online. That was just a few months ago. Now he has some devoted fans that love his works. Some even asked if he would open up commissions.

'They want to commission me? Really?' His mind had trouble proccessing the info it received. He had nothing to lose. Not only would he be drawing for people that love his art, but he would be paid for it. Opening up his blog, he let his fans know that he would, in fact, be opening up commissions. Many instantly replied to his post saying to link them to the commission page when he's ready. His fans where always so supportive. Hes not really sure why they are, but their support has helped him make it though tough times.

Once Virgil was done setting everything up, he instantly got two commissions. 'Well, I'm free today, might as well work on these now.' He sat at his desk prepared to start when he realised that the first commissioner is his first fan. Not only that, but they gave him a lot more money then he asked for. "Oh, my god. They gave me 50$!?" He almost yelled.

His first fan is a user that goes by the username "TheRoyalPrince". They are the first person to find and support to this day the drawings that Virgil posts. They are also the first fan to suggest to open up comissions. 'Why did Prince give me 50$?'

His comissions info only went up to 20$ as the highest amount. TheRoyalPrince gave him 50$. Virgil, after snapping out of his shock, read the TheRoyalPrince's commission info.

Commission 50$ made by TheRoyalPrince:

'Hello, Blackwings! I would like to commission a royal kingdom. Make sure this kingdom has a handsome prince, but other then that I would like to see your take on a royal kindom. Also, I have been a fan of your works since the day you first posted. The extra 30$ is to help you live better and to continue making more art in the future! :)'

Virgil sat there, dumbfounded. 'Prince really likes my art.' Starting to tear up, he grabbed the tablet pen sitting a little to the left and opened up a blank page. After pondering for a moment, he got to work. This isn't the first time Virgil has talked with Prince. Awhile ago, he asked his fans for ideas, since he was having trouble drawing. Prince, was somehow the first one to give him an idea. So he knows a few things that Prince likes.

Vibrant reds and golden yellows started to streak across the blank page. Virgil's hand moves gracefully across the tablet, leaving different colors in its wake. By the time he was done it was pretty late in the day. He started around 9 in the morning, so it was suprising to see that it was 1 almost 2 p.m. He got up and stetched. 'That...was really fun to draw. It even looks good. I hope Prince likes it.' Virgil was genuinely happy with the result of the commission. It was a vibrant white and red kingdom with a bit of a golden yellow. The viewpoint of the drawing is on a hill looking down at the large kingdom. A little bit off to the left of the hill, is a majestic looking prince on a white horse with a mane that has a tinge of yellow. The prince looks like he is ready to defend the kingdom from what ever dares to attack.

Clicking on the submit button, the drawing got sent to Prince.

"Okay, before I start on the next one I really need a shower." He hadn't taken a shower for a little while, so he could save on the water bill.

Walking over to the bathroom, he started to get undressed. Taking off his shirt he sees his reflection in the mirror that's just above the sink. 'My marks.' He sees his soulwing marks almost everyday. He doesn't go out much other than to do his part time jobs, so he doesn't really have any friends. His marks are his only comfort. They prove that there is at least one person on this world that won't hate him or call him a freak.

He finishes getting undressed and jumps in the shower. Quickly getting in and out to save as much on the water bill as possible. After drying himself and getting clothes on, he finishes the other comission by night time. 'Okay, i've got work to do tomorrow, so if I want food, I better go to bed.' Although, it's pretty late, he doesn't have to go to work very early, so he should be fine. Not only that, but he's used to getting little to no sleep, if the bags under his eyes are any indication. He lays down in his bed thinking back to Prince. 'I hope Prince liked the drawing.' Virgil mulls over the bright red and white kingdom as he doses off.

The next day he wakes up late, but, he really doesn't have work early so he had about an hour before he had to leave to another job. Rising from his bed like he was zombie, he got up and made a simple breakfast of an omelet. He is not a master chef, but living on your own forces you to learn how to cook. He has decent skills, when he is not dead tired and actually feels like cooking instead of just making ramen. Grabbing the hot omelet and flipping it onto a plate, he sits down at his desk and checks his phone. He has a notification from his art blog. Tapping on it showed that Prince had responded to the commission. 'Prince? Did he not like it?' Slightly scared that he disappointed his first and longest time fan he opened up the response.

TheRoyalPrince replies:

'Blackwings!! Amazing! I could not have asked for anything better! I love it! It's the perfect thing for my room. I just gotta print it onto some poster paper, and voilá! It will fit on the wall as if it has always been there.'

'What?'

Virgil opened up his account 'Blackwings' and started to reply to Prince.

Blackwings: 'I'm glad you liked it. I spent a lot more time then expected to on it.'

He didnt expect Prince to reply right away, so he started to set his phone down, when it buzzed.

TheRoyalPrince: 'Oh, but of course I'll love it! Just about anything you post is magnificent!'

Seeing the reply, had him start to tear up, again. He felt like he was wanted for once. His family always treated him like he didn't even deserve to live, but Prince even though they don't even really know each other, seems to actually want him or at least the things he can create.

Blackwings: 'l...thank you. You and my other fans support has helped me through...some hard times. So, thank you.'

Blackwings: 'Also, I'm not accepting the extra 30$. I will send it back. I don't deserve it. I completed your commission that was for 20$. I don't deserve the get anything extra.'

Virgil was not going to argue with Prince about the extra money. He really doesn't deserve the it. The 20$ was enough.

TheRoyalPrince: 'I'm glad my support has helped you through tough times! It's the least I can do. However, I am not going to take back the 30$. I gave you 50$ for a reason. I remember, in the past, you posted something about not being able to afford food, so you had to go on hiatus. Back then I wanted to help you, after all it is what a prince should do, but you didn't have anything open. Now that you do, I'll give you all the money I want to give you. And I am not taking no as an answer.'

He could tell he didn't have a choice. Even though he really did want to give the money back, he could tell, feel, that Prince would just send it back. If Prince doesn't want the money back, Virgil can't give it back. After all Prince has to accept the transaction.

Blackwings: 'Fine, I won't take the money back, but is there something else I could do? Like maybe, another commission? I want to at least earn the 30$.'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Something else you can do?'

...

Virgil waited for a response.

TheRoyalPrince: 'Actually there is something you can do.'

Blackwings: 'Really? What is it?'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Be my friend!'

'What?' "What?" He was so dumbfounded that he voiced his confusion outloud.

Blackwings: 'You want to be...friends?'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Of course! I actually wanted to talk to you for awhile now, but didn't know how to start.'

Reading this, Virgil didnt know what to do. He hesitated for a moment before replying.

Blackwings: 'I'm not worth 30$. Trust me. But if that's really what you want, then okay.'

He truly believed, at this point, that he wasn't worth anything. Although he is happy, because he would get a friend, or at least someone to talk to. He's scared. What if after talking for awhile, Prince finally realises that he isn't worth it. He doesn't deserve Prince's friendship.

TheRoyalPrince: 'You're not worth...? Well of course you aren't worth 30$! You are worth so much more. Everyone shouldn't have a price tag attached to their life.'

TheRoyalPrince: 'It seems as though you have convinced yourself that you are not worth much. I will change that!'

TheRoyalPrince: 'Here's my phone number: 727-371-XXXX. Just text me and let me know that it's you.'

TheRoyalPrince: 'and don't talk about yourself that way. I may not know much about you, but I'm sure you don't deserve to be hated by yourself.'

At this point, it's almost time to leave. Virgil finishes up his omelet, picks out neat looking clothes, and fixes his hair. Just before he leaves his apartment, he sends a text message to Prince.

'It's Blackwings. I'm heading of to one of my jobs. I'll let you know when I'm free.'

He assumes this text should be good enough, so he opens up the front door, ignoring the slight happiness, that Prince's last reply, left in his heart.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

the great FOP review mega dump

ok so apparently the rest of s10 was aired at the end of June through July of this year. now granted, i do not get NickToons and used a friend’s DVR to record it, so there’s a margin for error, but i don’t recall any of these episodes ever getting recorded. i could be wrong, my memory sucks, BUT TVGuide is stupid and has a habit of putting the wrong names/numbers on things and if the guide doesn’t list the episode as new because half of it already aired, then it wouldn’t get recorded. so again, huge margin for error.

basically, i hadn’t posted these yet because i didn’t realize they’d aired; i was trying to avoid spoiling anything for people. Nick sucks at their programming schedule. these first viewing reviews are nearly a year old in some cases, since it was about a year ago that i was given links to watch some of these online after they’d aired in other countries. so yeah, probably a little dated, might not hold up, but here they are so we can be done with this.

Which is Wish:

 Chloe is a vegetarian??? Has this been said before??

 I feel like everything in the garage there was in the attic when Dad made Timmy clean that out before…not that that isn’t plausible, since that’d be one way to “clean” the attic lol. Just thought it was a neat commentary.

 But yes Chloe, unleash your organizational skills. Color coded labels are awesome! Cleaning sucks, but labels lol

 And yes, switching bodies always works so well doesn’t it Timmy…but heehee he called Chloe pretty XD though in fairness…doesn’t this mean Chloe is still eating the meat, because Tim’s in her body…or do they just *look* like one another? See, that’s the gray area…

 Ok I do not like all these moments of Dad seeing Cosmo and Wanda; they’re glossed over yes, but still. That should break Da Rules though, because they’ve been revealed (not to mention Crocker knows about them a million times over I know). it just seems like a cheap gag that they don’t need, and it’s annoying.

 “Chlimmy Turnermicheal” lol, I need to draw a fusion of my Opals now XD;;;

 Ok yes, they’ve body swapped, not glamoured, so Chloe *did* eat the meat after all, thank you for explaining that

 Seriously, it’s Cosmo loosing the wands (for the umpteenth time) that is going to cause the problems here -.-

 Yay more Chloe parents! They aren’t 1 or 2 offs! Though…why were they absent up until this point? Did they decide to take a sabbatical from work after the booby incident? That’d be nice

 OMR Danny, Vlad (wait nasty Dan? Hu oh well), and Dudley puppets. That is too cute for words!!

 And a Little Shop joke. Eeeeeeee!!! I know they’ve done man-eating plants before, but still!

 Chloe’s dad faints at failure? Hm, that could be useful.

 Tim admitting he’d miss Chloe is sweet, especially since it wasn’t with any mention of loosing his fairies

 Hahahaha dressing up as each other/themselves, that’s great. Cosmo’s head blowing up is getting old though.

 All in all I give this episode a huge A+. It is a cliché trope of a plot, but I feel it was executed really really well!! Nice balance of magical aspects with non-magical ones I thought, and gave development to both kids and their families.

Fairy Con:

 Ok first of all, I thought Fairy conventions were held every thousand years or so, and was actually just for the fairies. Granted, this “Fairy con” could be a different event OR they changed the event after Timmy’s bathroom one, since that could’ve been the first time a godchild was involved? Also, Timmy is you go “every year” that shows that this is at least 2 years after you got your fairies (because you had Cosmo Con, then assume one after that, then at minimum this one), so why are you still 10?????? (and don’t go saying “the time stopping wish in secret wish” because uhg)

 Crocker in the fridge….ok…but adding in Crocker to crash the Con…yeah this is a complete plot reusing of Cosmo Con, just updating it a bit

 Look Girlfriend the cat isn’t dead!!

 If you’ve had their hair samples for that long why haven’t you cloned them before?? But “off brand cloning machine” is sorta funny. Also, Kenny G? that a Spongebob shout out or not?

 Ok if it merged the cat DNA with the fairy why didn’t it merge the fairy DNA together too? Also, missed your mark to have a real “fairy cat” show up (though no Sparky so we don’t need it anymore I guess)

 Oh but Chloe’s enthusiasm over her first con, I am so happy at that ^^ I just had my first comic con, and I was spazzing like that too when I wasn’t freaking out over being ditched and lost.

 Ok that is yet ANOTHER unique birthday for Timmy. He’s up to what, 5 now since the series started? (Boys in the Band, Birthday Bashed, Birthday Battle, the one mentioned in Birthday Battle about the dinosaurs) the kid is at least 14 now, he has to be!

 I like all the backgrounders. Some look super squashed, but still neat.

 Tooth fairy returns! Yay! We had mentions of Cupid and Mother Nature before, so it’s nice to see the magical celebrities are still around and not forgotten.

 Ahhh! The return of the Crocker Pot which captures fairies!! Ok I am giving this writing team an A- on doing their lore homework because they are getting so many things right (though the Fairy Con being thrown off is still deducting points sorry)

 There was a blonde fairy that looked like Samantha in the background O.o

 “Chloe Carmichael, any normal person would give up right now. But you are NOT normal!” - omr Chloe I love you and your “never quit” song was good and humorous, I still love you

 Timmy how can you not know what Crocker is up to? He’s always up to the same exact thing. If he’s in Fairy World, I’m fairly sure there is a 1000% chance he’s there to capture fairies. Geeze.

 OMR Princess Morebucks was in the seats at Cosmo’s panel, I’m not joking.

 All in all, it wasn’t a giant impacting story, but it was a good one, even though it was a total reusing of a plot. I feel like the writing team did their homework pretty decently (for the most part). Plus, the magic of cons ^^

The Hungry Games:

 This is the B-Story to Fairy Con…interesting choice…more fangirl!Chloe…

 I love her “Katniss hair”, heck I just love seeing alternate hair on her

 Heh “Ketchup Everdream”, wow, ok, sure

 That might be the wrong movie, but it sounds interesting. What movie was that Cosmo?

 Aw Chloe lost…but yay call back to screaming in her closet

 Lol Crocker is once again, king of dystopian world. That is perfect. This is all perfect.  Maybe it’s because I liked the Hunger Games movie that I can thoroughly enjoy this parody, idk. But this is great. I am loving this episode.

 And cue the pointless Dad part…wait Mr Bickles?? Where have you been?? Why are you here???

 I like the blonde/pink haired backgrounder

 I really loved this episode! It was so nice how Timmy did this for Chloe and stuck with it even when it was bad for him, then she turns around and does something nice for him at the end. It let Chloe fly her freaky fangirl flag on so many levels. Like I said, I liked Hunger Games, so this was a great parody that was loads of fun. I really really enjoyed all of it.

 As a whole episode, these two really show us what a geeky girl Chloe is I think. She’s not just the over achieving little Ms Perfect she was at first, she’s got her weird hobbies and obsessions too. And the fact that she was so into Fair Bears AND dystopian doomy future really says a lot about her, and really speaks to me on many levels. It’s just solidified my love of Chloe even more.

Dimmsdale Daze:

 And we start off with jokes about barfing…well it is a roller coaster so I can let it slide…just don’t spiral out of control with them…

 Heehee “vines” joke, that’s great. Because it highlights their age AND that they are more naturalist

 Oooo Connie said “shyster”, that’s pretty borderline…

 Chaining yourself to the tree in town…wouldn’t that be the same tree that Tootie did the same thing to in the first live action movie? I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing…

 Did Chloe’s middle name change? O.o but lol to the “when you’re a parent you can make the decisions” because I head canon them meddling after Chloe’s divorce, but I know that line is the plot fodder, so I’ll just push the head canons away for now

 Lookit that adult!Chloe though!! I’m not that far off the mark with my design (plus you know, there are several older!Timmy designs and none are more true than the other, so my older!Chloe being short and bustier is still plausible). And hey lookit! Cameo of the adult!Timmy from Big Problem AND confirmation that if one of the godkids breaks Da Rules they both loose the fairies TOGETHER

 Neither Clark nor Connie really look too much like Chloe as children (ok Connie *does* but when you consider they made child Dad look exactly like Timmy before, it’s not quite enough)…just another tick in my adopted column, just saying…

 Why did that child in the bounce house have lipstick O.o

 Chloe’s earring is like, in the wrong place and it’s bothering me…

 “But I have the mind if a child” “It’s true, he’s been tested” – I…wow, just…yes?

 And of course Connie and Clark get assigned Cosmo and Wanda, I don’t know why I didn’t see that coming honestly ^^;;

 You know, even though this is sort of a rehash of Big Problem and The Switch Glitch I thoroughly enjoyed this one! Single mom!Chloe was great, it feeds my future headcanons. It proved that Tim and Chloe do share the negative effects of the fairies. And it was just a really good Chloe episode that Timmy was just a supporting character in. I really did like it. A+

 As a whole, I think both parts (this is meant to be paired with Spring Breakup) work nicely together. It’s a lot of Chloe and her family, so if you want some serious Carmichael development, do for this set most definitely.

Chip off the Old Crock:

 Ok before getting into this one, I just gotta state that since I read the description for it, I’ve been ITCHING to see this. How does Crocker have a nephew if he has no siblings? (*current thoughts: i’ve since this review come up with a plausible scenario*) What would this child be like? How could I use him for Superverse conveniently?? And then I saw screencaps and saw that he was a mini Crocker and got disappointed…

 But now we are to watch so let us see how that unfolds…

 What’s with that redheaded backgrounder?? He looks like a Lebowitz!! *files that away for layer usage*

 Still laughing that he’s named Kevin since that is a “name of evil” in our games and what not ever since my brother used it as a placeholder name for a badguy in a storyline; ever since then “Kevin” had been the badguys who are sorta pointless lol

 But still…”study abroad” um…you still could’ve used that since Crocker obviously has family in Canada; studying in California would then be considered “abroad” if he was Canadian. And that way, he wouldn’t have to be his literal nephew, but his 2nd cousin, but they just call each other uncle/nephew because it’s easier. That might sound confusing, but at least it makes more sense then just randomly implying he has siblings when he never has. I’m gonna headcanon this from now on, and no one can convince me otherwise. (*current thoughts: again, i’ve figured it out since writing this; i’ve left the original thoughts though to prove my though process from point A to point B*) Plus you miss out on Canada jokes this way…

 Awww Kevin, I’m starting to love you…that’s weird…

 Everyone pick a partner-no one pick Kevin, classic. However…redhead boy had 2 partners, why didn’t Crocker notice and stop that? There’s no reason why Chloe and Tim needed to pair up with him aside from plot relevance…

 Ah sweet Chloe, standing up for the misunderstood and outcast, trying to find the good in them and make others see it too. I love you sweetheart ^^ go make friends with Francis now please

 Why isn’t Dolores fawning over Kevin? You’d think she wouldn’t let her *grandson* out of her sight, considering the coddling we’ve seen her give Denzel at times. Unless she’s busy with her *other child* I guess…but in that case why isn’t she belittling Denzel for not being like *his sibling* and having kids and not living in her basement? I’d love to see Denzel look like a looser compared to this *sibling* he suddenly has, and it suits the family dynamic as we know it. Or perhaps the *sibling* is more of a looser, but Dolores still sings their praises because they did move out and have a kid, unlike Denzel who has a steady job and whatnot because *sibling* is a total bum. I mean, I get that it would only slow down the storyline, but it just feels out of character, plus the sudden introduction of a *sibling* just is wrong too…I should stop analyzing the Crocker family and just go back to the actual plot

 Kevin wants to be a dentist??? O.o are you related to Dr Bender??? That…would explain nothing honestly, idk why I went there

 “Sorry I’m too busy being a loner” haha that’s a good one

 Hey callback to Crocker wearing ladies clothes. Nice.

 “It’s a blueprint so shouldn’t it be blue?” hahaha that was funny

 Chloe how did you get to the top of the rock wall without a rope?? Did you boulder your way yup there?? And Tim! You should never rock climb without a belier(sp?) geeze, rock climbing 101 there dude

 And toilet joke…but I will let it slide because I am actually enjoying Kevin

 “Unleash your inner looser” omr yes best line

 Ah the build up to the betrayal “aw you guys actually like me” “well yeah you’re not evil” *does the evil thing* “we hate you now because you are evil after all”

 Unsuspecting Van is back whoot!

 Ninja!Chloe and Tim with a light saber; nice, but what a missed opportunity…also Chloe has a ninja suit…she really is replacing Tootie isn’t she…

 And Kevin saves the day by wishing none of this ever happened…just like Chester did in Fairy Idol hm…

 But at the end of it, I’m actually very surprised how much I liked this despite all its flaws. It’s riddled with clichés and huge plot holes/continuity errors, but I genuinely liked Kevin (and whole heartedly look forward to writing him into Superverse…also would it be too weird if he was Kyler’s father? I think it’d be weird…). I think it’s a nice B-story to Cat and Mouse and together they make a pretty good episode.

Space Ca-Dad:

 Off topic a moment here; rewatching the theme and it just dawned on me…maybe there’s a “fairy shortage” because no one’s enforcing the rules over fairies being revealed/discovered. I mean, if everyone Timmy knows knows about his fairies and yet he keeps them, then other kids must be doing that too you know. Just saying Jorgen, you caused this problem yourself man…and honestly, why not outsource the fairy jobs then to other magical creatures, since Fairy Idol proved any magical creature can be converted to a fairy godparent. It’d be a great way to bring Norm back if you stop and think about it, or a way to get the Pixies back in there too. I’m just saying, the “fairy shortage” story is pretty weak…still think Jorgen just did this to them because they’re good for each other…

 Ok back to the episode itself

 Yay Chloe is still a Squirrely Scout, good for continuity! And you love food puns? i love you more Chloe, you so are a Catman related heroine aren’t you ^^;

 Did he say “Mrs Lipshitz” or “Mrs Libwitz”? it was really hard to tell, so idk if that’s a Rugrats shout out or someone I have to add to my  Lebowitz family tree (cause slurred sound…and the witch/mental thing does suit the family…)

 Dad you had the rank of “flying squirrel” why is this confusing??

 Ok there are “Pickles” living on the street, I’m going with Lipshitz. So many Rurgrats shout outs.

 Whinny kid, Kid with issues (aren’t you Kevin?), and Stuart…so we are going with the latest (and suckier) Squirrel Scout troop line up. Kay.

 Chloe as a jr. astronaut though and knowing how to fly space ships ^^

 Heehee “Space Jam” how many more thinly veiled references can we have XD;;

 (maybe Squirrely Kevin is Kyler’s father…that’s doable…)

 Ah yes, Dad throwing the fairies out just when the kid/s need them. Yup, never seen that plot device used before nope. And how can rocket fuel destroy magical wands? They’re fairy magic, why are they so easy to ruin??

 How did you find a planetoid when you were heading towards the sun??? I don’t…right, why put logic into things, my bad

 The Glorg. Florgatron-5. Hm…*files that way for layer usage* Bakersfield???

 I loved all the aliens at the restaurant though.

 Over all, this episode was…meh. I didn’t dislike it, but it was a very pointless Dad episode. Seriously, you could’ve had them go to the Planet of the Dads and do pretty much the same thing, but at least keep that storyline going (since I think it’s the longest running one now). I’m unimpressed, but I’m not disappointed. So lets see if the B-story can save the episode as a whole.

Summer Bummer:

 “The looks of psychotic anticipation” lol, well we’re starting off with some good

 Also it’s summer vacation yet again. Mk…this makes it at least the 4th summer vacation Tim’s had, what with School’s Out, Shelf Life, and Microphony being the others I can easily site off the top of my head. So again, these children should be like 14-16 now

 It’s the return of Dad in short-shorts. Oh man, run and hide now.

 Chloe getting a summer internship/scientific program is very her. Must always be learn…wait did she say the corner of a basement?? O.o that’s concerning child…

 Oh hey that pink clad teacher is from s1 I think. Wasn’t she in Timvisible at the water cooler?? That is a very nice and wow throwback guys. Major points to you.

 Chloe is 10 and a half???? So she actually IS a year younger than Timmy, since he was already 10 when he had his birthday (and we ignore the previous like 5 birthdays he’s had >>) and they share a birthday…but wait, your birthday is in March…summer vacation starts in June/July, that isn’t 6 months later…ok so on the one hand, your math is all wrong, but on the other my headcanon that Chloe is a year younger seems to be proven fact. I don’t know what to do with this information!!

 Oh this is the sleep wishing episode I heard about! Wow took a while for the plot to show up…but you know, even though this has been used before, I feel like this is being used in a different context and for a different character, so I’m allowing the reuse of the plot idea. Let’s see how twisted up Chloe’s subconscious is…

 “Gender neutral Jesse” is sorta weird…I like the fact that Chloe did play with baby dolls though…

 Timmy you can’t unwish Chloe’s wish! We’ve been over this-we had a whole episode dedicated to it!! URG!! Did they just throw that out because it’s easier for them to just fix each other’s mistakes that way? I mean, if this was the only time, I could buy that since she didn’t *consciously* make this wish, it could be undone by Tim, but the other times they’ve pulled this she’s been in her full faculties. So uhg! You can’t even keep your own continuity you establish in the same season >> (but…you guys have been doing better than expected, so…it’s not *as* negative points as I’d usually give…or maybe it is but you’ve just racked up enough positive ones to be at the standard by now I guess)

 Hey Dr Rip Studwell, long time no see XD and…you made a manscaping joke…wow, I…wow

 And a poop joke…but you have a pirate ship…but still…

 “Took one to the crow’s nest” is that a crotch shot joke? Wow this episode is just…wow

 Omr the mini shoulder Chloes are adorable! I love valley girl!Chloe and german science!Chloe. Didn’t like the second poop joke in a minute, especially since Dad really *shouldn’t* have heard science!Chloe say that…

 She wished the doll big again…I think Chloe’s repressed feelings are about not wanting to grow up

 And look Da Rules FINALLY decide to kick…oh no, Chloe wished it to be unwishable...yeah, because that’s the only way to stop Tim from fixing it >> and yet at the same time, he did wish the monster to stay until he stopped lying about who set Chompy free, so…formula…

 “There’s free ice cream all over the street! It’s like delicious roadkill!” ok that is the best line ever

 Wait, you’re wishing yourself into Chloe’s mind?? Because that worked so well when you went into your own…and why does it remind me of Mabel’s dreamworld/mind? I expected less pink, more purple honestly. Preschool!Chloe is so adorable!! Totally called the plot though, not that it’s hard.

 Cosmo confirmed as queer, because even when he thought Wanda was “Weird Dude” he still had a crush on him. Wow, I am floored they did that, good for you

 And we end it by promoting cannibalism? Oh wait no; we scratch the 4th wall instead. Ahha. Yeah. You totally missed the opportunity to have “Kids just being Kids” playing somewhere-possibly remixed-because I feel the message suited Chloe’s mentality too right now.

 Over all, I’m glad it was Chloe centric but…I feel like this could’be been done in half the time maybe? They ignore their own continuity, but they do tackle real stuff in a minimal magical way. I guess like the A-story, I’m unimpressed but not disappointed. I feel like both of these should not have been paired together because as a whole the entire episode is lacking; they both needed a stronger story to counter balance them. It’s a good watch once through, but I doubt it’s an episode you’ll want to rewatch.

Dimmsdale’s Got Tallent:

 Ok…I feel like this plot has been used before…and not necessarily thinking Fairy Idol either, but I just can’t place which episode I’m thin king of…

 TOOTIE!!!! THEY DIDN’T SHIP YOU OFF TO BOARDING SCHOOL OR WHATEVER!! OMR!!! Sadly you were just a backgrounder cameo, but still…now I just need to find Francis then my main favs will have all appeared to be not dead (*spoiler: Francis does not appear anywhere*)

 More Bickles…huh…

 Mom’s stage name is “Madame Sasha”…is that a hint that her first name is Sasha?? Most times when you make up “magic names” they’re either your real name in between “the” and “magnificent” or they’re some super exotic/fake/fantastical sounding thing like how Dad was “Dadracadabra”

 And more about Chloe’s one-woman show. That’s so neat that this is something that they’re developing for her, instead of using as a toss away one shot gag.

 Kevin!! Dressed as a dummy for a comedy act lol. It’s an old and over used plot idea, but I’ll run with it. I like it. Cause Crocker now has 24 hour access to a child, he of course has to think of other ways to use it. “I’m telling my mom you made me do this” because that is Denzel’s sister so it is a legitimate threat…though you’d think Dolores would object to this too…why have we not had any interaction of Kevin with his grandmother yet??? I’d love to see Denzel get jealous over the attention his mother is giving Kevin that he never received

 Haha Dad stealing Chloe’s idea, and still breaking the gender norms, nice. Where did Bickles get the coconut bikini top and grass skirt though?

 Oh baaaaaad lesson to be teaching kids there guys. If the authority figure won’t give you want you want, you shouldn’t do them favors to try to bribe them into giving it to. Especially in the entertainment industry. That’s how bad situations happen….

 Um those remote control tap shoes shouldn’t work because they would be helping Tim to win a competition, which is against Da Rules…not that Da Rules seem to matter anymore…

 Ok Mom, you claimed to be a “Pet Psycho” yet you’re using only wild/non-pet animals. I think that’s probably the easiest way to point out that you’re doing this wrong

 “I love me some snake and mongoose” ok…lets go see if that’s a euphemism on google…hm, nope, just a drag racing movie. That’s nice…wasn’t Bickles a race car driver at some point??

 Doug Dimmadome returns! And “curious life partner”??? the Mayor and Chompy are a thing??? O.o???

 Good boy Kevin, stand up to Crocker ^^

 “That was a Dimma-dud” so simple and stupid, but probably the most fulfilling line thus far ^^;

 love Chloe’s gold gown

 ok I lied, “Dimma-dope” is now the most fulfilling line in this

 heehee Dudley Puppy and Crimson Chin balloons in the parade. So headcanoning that TUFF Puppy was a show on tv in FOPverse

 so this episode was….well just really pointless filler too. We got like minimal focus on any of our main characters. Have they forgotten how to write Timmy and Chloe?

 Together these two (this was paired with Knitt-witts)  were not a good match. Both were pointless filler with not a strong plot in either of them. Too many guest cameos, no character development. It was just barely enjoyable enough to not hate it, but just barely honestly. Weak episode all around.

Goldie Crocks and the three Fair Bears:

 Ok I’ve been looking forward to the return of the Fair Bears since the episode titles were released.

 Interesting to see the Squirrely Scout troop back again, still the same B-team line up including Chloe. Thought you already had that patch…but then again that could’ve been with the A-team troop lineup, so…the records were all destroyed when it was disbanded maybe?

 Thanks Tim, we all were asking that. But how does using Mom’s shampoo make your hair blonde? Luscious and even longer I could buy without complaint, but blonde??

 More over achieving Chloe lol (poor girl is gonna crash when she burns out). But wow, she fought King Neptuna…so why didn’t he remember her? Is Supergal now enemy to the merfolk??? Though that plays into the Merfolk vs Glamazons wouldn’t it…

 And now we turn into the clichéd camping storyline where Character A decides to go use non-wilderness to camp in luxury. But Tim, you used to like camping??? Also, still not seeing how the episode title plays into this plot yet…

 Cosmo has been right/made sense on more than one occasion though, why is it that surprising?

 Ok now we get the title…Crocker’s mother has a cabin in the woods? Buyable, sure. Crocker somehow brought the Fair Bears back into reality??? Uh…what now? Wait, they weren’t sent back to TVLand?? And Crocker knows all about their origin?? HOW does that not break Da Rules huh? Is it because he doesn’t know who wished them up, so it’s not against Da Rules?? Why wouldn’t they tell him that; wouldn’t that be a fair thing to do?? He’s in a blonde wig because they’re going to be Goldielocks at a theme park, yeah sure, ok I can buy that. But HOW did he get the bears in the first place???

 And Dad is blonde to be Goldielocks…wow…

 Chloe breaking the 4th wall a little there

 Gah even more middle names! Chloe how many do you even have????

 NO! YOU CAN’T UNDO THE OTHER’S WISHES! URGH!!! You established this rule right off the bat, yet you keep breaking it and they let you keep breaking it. Timmy wished for the camping stuff-Chloe should not be able to wish it away. Yes the plot is stalled, but really, what is the plot at this point??? If you’re only going to enforce the rules when it suits you, well, anarchy for all then please

 And you wished away the magic…yeah, that’s going to go super well

 “Mr Crocker’s unsightly twin sister” ok on the one hand, that works because of Kevin granted (even though she’s not a twin persay, but he has suddenly got a sister), but on the other…this is all saying that guys can’t have long hair and I don’t like that. I love guys with long hair. Between that comment on Crocker, and the comments earlier about Dad, why is long hair automatically girl now?

 Dolores dated Shaggy??? O.o i…I am very unnerved by that…wasn’t she already a full blown adult with a 10 year old child when Shaggy was a teenager roaming in the van with the Mystery Inc crew?? O.o

 Omr yes. Referencing the “original German version” as a darker one. Talking about basting and eating people. This turned dark super fast and I love that. why TrollLOL’s face is on the oven idk, but I’m rolling with it because I love this part.

 “I’ve already got 2 strikes from the school board” uh…yeah that’s the wrong side of dark I think…but it’s Crocker, it was probably the fork in Waxelplax’s fanny, and the flour incident or something fairly similar.

 Yes Tim, yell at Chloe that this is all her fault. We know it is, but pointing it out won’t help. But it totally is; you wished for no magic and you got into trouble-not surprising.

 HOW is it nearly midnight??? It was like, what, noon at the latest when this started?? You have not been out in the woods-in the daylight-for 12 hours-of daylight. Chloe hunny, you’re the smart one, why are you failing telling time??? I know its dark outside the house now, but it wasn’t in the scene before. Cosmo I think your clock is right. And how is “poof us out of here” bring you to a spot where it is, once again daylight; that seemed to suggest instant teleporting so you’re at the same time. Unless this next scene is a cut away to hours later BUT STILL! It should not be midnight.

 Oh Dad, yes, I’m sure no one cares about your troop anymore.

 “let’s send the Fair Bears back” uh you should have done that the first time and this whole mess would have been avoided. It’s like leaving the door to the comic book world open all over again.

 And yes, cause unnecessary harm to Crocker, why not. Not to mention all the innocent patrons at the theme park…

 Also why has no one mentioned Dimmsdale had a theme park before now?

 All in all, not a good episode. I was looking forward to the return of the Fair Bears, and it felt like they weren’t even in half of the episode. The rest was another boring camping storyline, which these two seem to do a lot of huh?

 Paired with Fancy Schmancy, as the production order says, I think the whole 30 min episode is completely weak and not great. This one was bad, the other was filler, so together they are just not meshing well at all.

[bakagamieru]

Rolling Stone Breakdown

I read part of the article earlier today before work and I could already tell BS was simmering even before I got home and found out about all the over the top het stuff.  Knowing this ahead of time, I’m going to go ahead and take notes / rant back at the article as I read it.

BS 101: Intro to BS

paragraph 1: wow this person really wanted to be a bad fanfic writer, but they got stuck at Rolling Stone instead

I’m being petty with this, but just use “One Direction” fully if you’re going to go to the trouble of typing out “One D” instead of “1D”

“he became a canvas onto which many of fans pitched their hopes and dreams” because all fans of boybands (i.e. girls) dream about is romance and that’s the only reason they’re fans, ALSO media like Rolling Stone had nothing to do with Harry being a blank canvas for people to project their image of him onto (*sarcasm)

every mention of After, even a vague one, is -5000 points, every time it’s mentioned normally and not as the dangerous misrepresentation of abuse it is, is -5,000,000 points, every time someone crosses the line by a light-year and talks about it directly to Harry is -5,000,000,000 points, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them

“a song cycle about women and relationships”, *cough*womanizer BS*cough, ALSO the first single Sign of the Times is clear social commentary with no real (read: not forced to fit that interpretation) hint of romance in sight, so...?

“more of a rock sound”, still pretending that 1D’s last 3 albums never existed

Harry wants his music to be “honest”, now where have we heard that before?  Niall, Louis, Zayn with Liam probably soon to follow.  It’s almost like they’ve been held forcibly quiet under a gag order...

I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to take the comment that Harry “runs every yellow light” and apply it to his persona, I’m stumped (also, you can’t run a yellow btw)

“the album no one has heard is burning a hole in his iPhone”, chill the fuck out with the italics, I know everyone else has talked about that, but you haven’t even mentioned the secrecy around his album in your article so you have no reason to randomly italicize things

Hiatus

“there was another One D member to vector questions into a charmingly evasive display of band camaraderie”, fuck you and your ever so sly implications that the boys’ closeness was manufactured and that the boys never answering anything interesting had to do with the band rather than interviewers incessantly asking the same vapid questions

“It was in a London studio in late 2014 that Styles first brought up the idea of One Direction taking a break”, as @paynoisbatman already pointed out, this timeline of the hiatus makes no sense with the timing of Zayn “quitting”, also it’s inconsistent with the way the boys denied the first round of hiatus articles in June 2015

just to be clear, they probably DID know about the hiatus ahead of time and they WERE lying when they denied the upcoming hiatus in June, and that also means that there’s no reason Zayn should have jumped the gun so close to the finish line (yay mixed metaphors!), I’m just pointing out the story is inconsistent, so all of these things can’t be true

“If you’re shortsighted, you can think, 'Let’s just keep touring,’ but we all thought too much of the group than to let that happen. You realize you’re exhausted and you don’t want to drain people’s belief in you.” <- This is pure 100% lovely, insightful, well spoken Harry

I’d also like to point out that them first discussing it in 2014 means that Harry’s comment about “we all thought too much of the group” applies to all 5

“I love the band, and would never rule out anything in the future. The band changed my life, gave me everything.” I’d like to point out that they always phrase these quotes to sound like past tense, like the band is broken up as of now, when in reality he’s saying that not only will they come back after the hiatus but that he’s in this band for life

“and not just have it be ‘Here’s a demo I wrote.’”  you have that chance Harry!  Release the finished version of Don’t Let Me Go Harry!

“Every decision I’ve made since I was 16 was made in a democracy.” I feel like someone misspelled “was a rebellion under Simon Cowell and Co’s dictatorship”

Pretentious Character Work or Work on Building Pretentious Character? Ah, got it: Pretentious Work on Building Pretentious Character

“As one of the most well-known 23-year-olds in the world, Styles himself is still largely unknown” not if you’ve actually paid attention over the last 6 years?  I mean yes, always to some extent, but it’s not like this insightful, loving dork is a dark mystery

“He looks at my digital recorder like a barely invited guest.” learn to choose useful metaphors and stop being pretentious

dude, I know you did this on purpose, but you said that “Behind the effervescent stage persona, there is more lore than fact. He likes it that way.” and then put the quote about Prince’s artist draw being his mystery right after, making it seem like he that was his reason for wanting to be mysterious, then you quoted “It’s not about trying to make my career longer, like I’m trying to be this 'mysterious character,’ because I’m not.” which directly contradicts the connection you drew with your words, AKA you knew it was BS and made it seem connected anyway

“The pool cleaner looks perplexed, not quite sharing Styles’ existential joy.” there’s nothing existential about it, it’s just a smile, he’s just being nice to people he passes like a good human being, I’m sorry if you don’t know what that looks like

“It’s obvious that the band has a well-worn frat-house dynamic”, do you actually know what you’re talking about or are you going off of stereotypes? if you’re calling it a “frat” and were in a fraternity, your frat was probably stereotypical anyway

“Styles is, to all, ‘H.’” It’s a fricking nickname that his fricking boybandmates also use, not a commentary on his position as the benign and worshipped leader of the Jamaican band cult frat you apparently think formed

“Pomegranate-scented candles flicker around the room.” this I definitely believe, but did you recognize the pomegranate smell right away or specifically look at a candle to find out what it was?

“It was Styles’ first full immersion into the land of musos” I need that staring into the camera Office gif

Music Ideology

“Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals,” Styles says. “Equal rights. For everyone, all races, sexes, everything. …” this is a very interesting thing to randomly bring into a conversation without asking, unlike the rest of the article, this bit aligns with Harry’s rainbows in the pics, at SNL, and out and about with fans

“The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication.” No, uh-uh, I like the idea personally , but Harry has said ever since MITAM and maybe before that he likes people to be able to have their own interpretation, he said it in interviews about SOTT recently too, I’m not at all convinced Harry wanted to actually share the official story of what the song means, it flies in the face of his philosophy about song interpretation

“The lyrics are full of details and references – secrets whispered between friends, doomed declarations of love, empty swimming pools – sure to set fans scrambling for the facts behind the mystery.” the fact that you put this right after Ever Since New York is laughable, that is a solid contender for the vaguest lyrics that couldn’t possibly be accurately paired up with details of Harry’s life, but you want people to think it’s about Haylor, don’t you

“I’m happy I found this band and these musicians, where you can be vulnerable enough to put yourself out there.” this one is hard because I can see Harry being grateful for a good group of people to write with, but I also don’t believe the implications that he’s never been vulnerable in his writing before or that he couldn’t be vulnerable with his boyband, both are BS, I’m going to say it’s probably a real quote but with suggestive framing

“The album is a distinct departure from the dance pop that permeates the airwaves.” can people please stop pretending that music hasn’t sounded vaguely 70′s and 80′s-ish for the last 4-5 years?

“It’s different from what you’d expect,” Bhasker says. “It made me realize the Harry [in One D] was kind of the digitized Harry. Almost like a character. I don’t think people know a lot of the sides of him that are on this album.” such. utter. BS.  Fans know Harry.  the general public only doesn’t know him because MEDIA LIKE ROLLING STONE created that “digitized Harry” that’s “like a character”

“Asked if he spends pressure-filled evenings worried about proving credibility to an older crowd, Styles grows animated.” of course he does, sweet child of man that he is, he jumps at the chance to educate heathens like you about the wonderful world of being a decent human being rather than a sexist prick

1D and Zayn

“He’s not a heavy drinker, he says, maybe some tequila on ice or wine with friends after a show, but by the band’s last tour there wasn’t much time even for that.” Oh, ok, we’re still pretending that TMH wasn’t the craziest scheduled tour

“Styles and his phone have a bittersweet, mature relationship – they spend a lot of time apart. He doesn’t Google himself, and checks Twitter infrequently.” ah, but you forgot his lurking on Tumblr

“I mention a few of the verbal Molotov cocktails Zayn Malik has tossed at the band in recent interviews.” print interviews, all print interviews, because you put words in his mouth just like you're doing with Harry

“threading the needle of diplomacy” yeahhhh.... this is all BS, it’s made to sound neutral to make it seem like Harry is only being polite, whether Harry said these words or not, they’re not HIS words

More Pretentiousness

“Styles, born two months before Cobain exited Earth, doesn’t feel tied to any particular genre or era” funny since his 70′s image is being amped up to 11 for his solo debut

“In the car, he’ll just as easily crank up the country music of Keith Whitley as the esoteric blues-and-soul of Shuggie Otis” and now I know where the country bits of MITAM came from, I was wondering

“It’s like – that’s not how it works. I don’t even remember what the question was.” having “It’s quite small” flashbacks

“ ‘Could I get a selfie?’ Styles obliges, and leans over the counter. Click. We exit into the Laurel Canyon evening.” I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing, but was the onomatopoeia really that necessary?

“River Phoenix,” the man announces, a little sadly. “You ever heard of him? If he hadn’t have passed, I would have said that was you. Talented guy.”  sadness, River Phoenix really was such a talented young man, a very worthwhile person based on the roots of his problems too

The Obligatory Origin Story

They share a silent moment, before Styles walks to his car. He hands me the bag filled with English snacks. “This is for you,” he says. “This was my youth …” “Harry Edward Styles was born in Worcestershire, England” great transition dude, I’m sure that was completely organic

“But in fact, all was not perfection, scored to a cool, retro soundtrack.” but I thought it was!

“His eyes moisten a little, but unlike the young man who wept over an early bout with Internet criticism, a powerful moment in the early One Direction documentary A Year in the Making, Styles tonight knocks back the sentiment.” “look, he’s repressing his emotions, this is progress!”  I wouldn’t make fun of this if he had phrased it as Harry being stronger or no longer caring about what other people think, but saying he “knock[ed] back the sentiment”?

“I’d gone because my mum told me I was good from singing in the car …  but your mum tells you things to make you feel good, so you take it with a pinch of salt.” um... first of all, X-Factor flashbacks, second of all, Harry said that he’d always wanted to audition but had always been too young, so...

“and united the members of One D in a musical shotgun marriage” I’m keeping this imagery, it’s mine, no one can take it away from me now, no takebacksies

Ben Winston Earns His Tag On My Blog

“ ‘Family,’ answers Ben Winston.” who is not Harry’s family

look, I actually think Harry and Niall and maybe the others actually have a friendship with Ben, I can’t understand why, though, when he always participates in BS like this, I will never forgive him for the Livestream of Doom/FOUR Hangout

“There is more chance of me going to Mars next week than there is of Harry having some sort of addiction.” Why are we so focused on Harry not being a drug addict?  He’s not, there aren’t even rumors he is, ok, don’t need to talk about it, moving on.

Styles had just moved out of his family home in Cheshire, an inconvenient three hours north of London. He found a home he liked near the Winstons in Hampstead Heath. wtf? revisionist history much?  forgetting all 5 boys lived in the same complex right after moving to London much?

“ He became a friendly mentor to Styles, though the friendship was soon tested... Styles asked if he could briefly move in with Winston and his wife, Meredith. She agreed,” Winston says, “but only for two weeks.”... For the next 20 months, one of the most desired stars on the planet slept on a small mattress in an attic.” this is not Harry, Harry would not move in for 20 months after asking for 2 weeks, if he did he would make sure it was ok, if he made sure it was ok, you shouldn’t be talking about it and essentially badmouthing him to the press

also, can we talk about “one of the world’s most desired stars” because as we’ve all talked about before, Harry was 17/18 and being hypersexualized in the press and this is not ok

Winston continues the tales from the attic. “So we had this joke. Meri and I would like to see the girls that you would come back with to the house. That was always what we enjoyed, because we’d be in bed like an old couple. We’d have our spot cream on our faces and we’d be in our pajamas and the door would go off. The stairwell was right outside our door, so we’d wait to see if Harry was coming home alone or with people... He wasn’t always alone,” corrects Winston, “but it was exciting seeing the array of A-listers that would come up and sleep in the attic. het BS *yawn* *snore*

The subject today is relationships. While Styles says he still feels like a newcomer to all that, a handful of love affairs have deeply affected him. The images and stolen moments tumble extravagantly through the new songs: And promises are broken like a stitch is … I got splinters in my knuckles crawling 'cross the floor/Couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short/But I think that’s what I like about it … I see you gave him my old T-shirt, more of what was once mine … That black notebook, you sense, is filled with this stuff. het BS *yawn* *snore*, I’m really going to need to hear these songs for myself, they better not have fucked with his material, the consolation about Zayn’s album was that at least the music and lyrics were unquestionably his

More Specific Het!Harry BS

The relationship is a subject he’s famously avoided discussing. “I gotta pee first. This might be a long one,” he says. He rises to head to the bathroom, then adds, “Actually, you can say, 'He went for a pee and never came back.' ”  you think he was being funny, but he really really wasn’t, are you sure he came back?  I don’t think he did, I think everything after the bathroom was utter BS

“When I see photos from that day,” he says, “I think: Relationships are hard, at any age. And adding in that you don’t really understand exactly how it works when you’re 18, trying to navigate all that stuff didn’t make it easier. I mean, you’re a little bit awkward to begin with. You’re on a date with someone you really like. It should be that simple, right? It was a learning experience for sure. But at the heart of it – I just wanted it to be a normal date.” ok, maybe not such BS since he’s as vague and general as you can get in the vast majority of this quote, so he’s saying that when he looks at pictures of himself with Taylor, he thinks how he wanted it to be a normal date with Louis, got it 

yada yada yada, Harry being way nicer than he should have to be about his name being used by someone who abused his reputation for her own gain, par for the course

I like tipping a hat to the time together. You’re celebrating the fact it was powerful and made you feel something, rather than 'this didn’t work out, and that’s bad.’ huh, this seems like subtle shade to me since one of my biggest complaints is how nearly all her songs are negative, put the blame on the guy, and don’t have her taking any responsibility (even if they are fake relationships)

He notes a more recent relationship, possibly over now, but significant for the past few years. (Styles has often been spotted with Kendall Jenner, but he won’t confirm that’s who he’s talking about.) it was made abundantly clear that even if you believe the narrative, Harry and Kendall are not currently together, yeesh!

“She’s a huge part of the album,” says Styles. “Sometimes you want to tip the hat, and sometimes you just want to give them the whole cap …  and hope they know it’s just for them.” mm, nope, still BS, alternatively a quote taken out of context and not about Kendall or even romance at all

Actual Solo Stuff

“Some of the stuff they’re doing in this movie is insane. And it was hard, man, physically really tough, but I love acting. I love playing someone else. I’d sleep really well at night, then get up and continue drowning.” ok, that was clever, good on you Harry

It was the perfect rite of passage for a musician looking to explode the past and launch a future. I thought we agreed that Harry has no issue with his past in a boyband?  can you please remember what you already wrote in your own article

He didn’t feel stifled in One D, he says, as much as interrupted. you bet your ass he did, him and Zayn and Niall, interrupting clueless and/or asshole interviewers all day long (I’m sure Louis and Liam have/will do too, just haven’t had the chance yet)

There are songs from that period he loves, he says, like “Olivia” and “Stockholm Syndrome,” along with the earlier song “Happily.” #confirmed

“But I think it was tough to really delve in and find out who you are as a writer when you’re just kind of dipping your toe each time. We didn’t get the six months to see what kind of shit you can work with. To have time to live with a song, see what you love as a fan, chip at it, hone it and go for that” funny that, sounds like someone forced them into a breakneck schedule and then later made big noises about how their hiatus was because they were so overworked and acted like he had nothing to do with that

Ending

To wind down in Jamaica, Styles and Rowland, the guitarist, began a daily Netflix obsession with sugary romantic comedies. Houseworkers would sometimes leave at night and return the next morning to see Styles blearily removing himself from a long string of rom-coms. He declares himself an expert on Nicholas Sparks, whom he now calls “Nicky Spee.” sounds about right for the guy whose favorite movie is Love Actually

Like the time Styles ended up drunk and wet from the ocean, toasting everybody, wearing a dress he’d traded with someone’s girlfriend. yep, sounds about right

oops, fanfic writer made a full return for this paragraph all in present tense, written by someone else as if Harry’s a fictional character

“I think, as a parent, especially with the band stuff, it was such a roller coaster,” he says. “I feel like they were always thinking, 'OK, this ride could stop at any point and we’re going to have to be there when it does.’ this is the second time he’s brought up roller coasters in his solo interviews, it’s a good description for the thing he’s talking about, but I can’t help but think of Zayn’s old Twitter bio and Anne tweeting that bio not long after March 25th

He grabs his black notebook and turns back for a moment before disappearing down the hallway, into the future. I need the Office gif again

“How am I going to be mysterious,” he asks, only half-joking, “when I’ve been this honest with you?” *sarcasm

[cryptoriawebb]

My extensive, expansive Wonder Woman review

So I’ve been working on this for about a week now, and I’m pleased to say I’ve finally finished. 

I didn’t expect this movie to resonate so deeply, so please, bare with me. I’ve got a lot to say.

Wow.

Just wow.

I am beyond blown away by Wonder Woman. I wanted so badly for it to be a good movie, beyond the reasons floating around on the internet. Yes, she is a female super hero, yes, she’s the first one in this modern era to receive a solo film and yes, and yes, in many ways, and yes, she’s the most well-known female hero, dating back to the Second World War. Those are all impressive and important things to recognize…but Wonder Woman, Diana, is so much more than simply an icon with impressive credentials. Going into this movie, I wanted to get to know her as a character, follow her along her journey; experience what she did and feel what she felt as she evolved from Amazonian princess into the wise and worldly hero protecting our modern world. I wanted to like her, vouch for her, the way I never did beyond my own cultural nostalgia. She was one of the few highlights in the train wreck that was Batman v Superman; I wanted more of that.

Needless to say, this movie delivered and more.  Diana not only stood on her own, offering in my opinion a protagonist everyone could root for and relate to in some way, but she also existed harmoniously with her co-stars, forming real, heartwarming (and heartbreaking) relationships that evolved in what I believe was a natural way as she did as a character. There were so so many ways this movie could have gone wrong because of the socio-political environment in which it came to fruition; instead, we received a beautiful awe-inspiring piece of art. Perhaps it is my Greek blood speaking here, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a super-hero film delivered with such elegance. I’m not sure if it was the director, the script, Gadot herself or perhaps a combination…everything just worked…and for this new DC Universe, that’s really, almost impossibly impressive.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed Suicide Squad and parts of Batman v Superman; it goes without saying, however, neither were enough to survive for long in this age of Super Hero cinema. For Suicide Squad, there just wasn’t enough even or original momentum, and B v S…well, that should’ve stayed a little longer on the editing table. Even Man of Steel, one exhausting fight sequence aside, isn’t praised or remembered like Marvel Studios and even some of the X-men films are. I think Wonder Woman is different. I think it will stand the test of time. Not just because she’s the first female with a solo film…but because there really is a film here. A fluid finished picture with an even pace, balanced tone and as much heart as there is action.

I thought opening the film with narration worked very well. It’s such an iffy tactic in any genre, and so far I’ve only really seen it in the X-men films. Sometimes it’s worked (X1, Days of Future Past) and sometimes, not quite as efficiently (X-men Apocalypse.) Overall though, they’ve done a decent example; some movies, like Disney’s more recent Cinderella film I felt relied far too heavily on narration, ‘telling’ where ‘showing’ would have done the job just fine. One could argue perhaps this was done intentionally, adhering to the ‘fairy tale’ technique; I disagree. I found it distracting. I thought Wonder Woman’s use enhanced the film. It presented us with tone of voice, foreboding the pending tone of the film as well as who she was to become. In contrast to the X-men films, which use the technique to warn of heartbreak and disaster, Diana’s voice contained a hint of pain grounded in an almost maternal knowledge, a teacher from antiquity’s time preparing a lesson for her student viewers. This was all done without stating too much or sounding cliché. My attention held and I looked forward to the next scene.

I’d also like to point out I thought the visual choices to accompany this audio worked as well. We see a glimpse of present-day Diana in BvS, and we know she’s lived a very long time (I still maintain that revelation should have remained a post-credits scene, and Wonder Woman herself, however cool she was, should not have appeared beyond the photograph.)   It almost adds to the excitement, at least in my case, knowing her origins would take us back not only to 20th century wartime, but to the ancient world as well. Not only because, again, I am Greek, but because I love the idea of heroes existing before the modern era, seeing how they affect an older world and their importance. World War I is something of an area of fascination for me, although I admit I’d thought at first they’d have set the film during the 1940s. I wonder if that was to separate from Captain America. I’m only familiar with her basic information and backstory; recent comic history and adjustments are beyond me.

I loved the architectural choices for Themyscira. Very clearly Greek-inspired but with an exotic flair all its own. I will say, as someone who has studied Greek art over the years, technically, the synonymous white should have historically been painted…but this is fiction, and as fiction, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited by how very in line with antiquity it was as it was. I’m not sure what I was expecting; Diana’s armor contains notable Greek accents…perhaps it’s simply how I’ve seen her and her Island portrayed before, drawing from Mythology by name and character without doing so historically. We all want to see our roots up there on the screen, and this was the first time in a long time I really felt like I was outside of a loose adaption or certain romantic comedies. As someone with a strong affinity for Super heroes, well, this means a lot to me. But moving on.

I’m also impressed by how well the Amazons blended the lines of beauty and ferocity (or is it sex-appeal and practicality?)  They were sexy, unmistakably, but to me it did not appear as though they were designed with that as the primary thought. They were sexy because they were fierce, beautiful because of the natural, historical sense in their design—or what I imagine as much history one can put into a mythological race. They weren’t super-model skinny or movie-star-glamorous, and yet these women carried about them a fearsome power I personally felt unworthy of. This of course extends to Diana and her iconic armor. None of her accessories felt corny or outdated to me, even the lasso, which I was a tad wary about. My association with it comes from dated comics and cartoons; I wasn’t sure it would translate seriously into this modern era. I think the director handled its inclusion perfectly, adding humor whenever as Pine’s character struggled to resist (or prove himself honest) and demonstrating its later use as a weapon against Ares. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’m so relieved Diana’s true purpose remained a secret until the end. I know some more learned fans than I have complains about the chosen direction, but I’ll get into that later. I’ve seen a lot of movies reveal far too much before needed and it really hurts the film. X-men Apocalypse, for example. However it pains me to talk down about my beloved X-men films, so many scenes talked through too much too early on, harming the pace and suspense of the film. If they had been removed I know for certain the movie would have done much better. Wonder Woman did none of this…which is actually very embarrassing for both Singer and Kinberg in comparison. In hindsight, it’s very, very impressive for both a lesser-known director and a character who hasn’t been given a fair (or successful, if we count that one pilot) solo screen-time venture since the 1970s.

To go along with her purpose, I loved that the Mythology/ancestry/storytime sequence resembled Renaissance art. I’m sure at this point it goes without saying but so many Greek Myths were illustrated and interpreted during the Renaissance period; in this particular case, I thought of Michaelangelo’s work on the Sistine Chapel, specifically the Creation of Adam and the Last Judgment. I know neither of them feature Greek mythology, but the style and articulation in the film really felt reminisce of Michelangelo. I like this artistic choice in direction; shooting a live action sequence would have felt grittier and clunky while none at all might have dragged and failed to grip the viewer’s attention in the same way. Plus, Diana is a child, and one from antiquity; choosing to illustrate the story like a story, as well as in a style reminisce of a time period that heavily featured antiquity as its subject fit perfectly.

Before I move ahead to the second half of Diana’s journey, I’d like to say I’m glad Hippolyta and her sister were close. They did not agree with everything, but there were no signs of dangerous tension (a la Thor and Loki, Charles and Raven, or taking it back to the 90s with Scar and Mufasa.) I’ve seen enough sibling drama in the movies; it was nice to see their conflict presented in a mature way that did not push their relationship past a breaking point. I loved that Antiope genuinely loved Diana and did not train her for personal or selfish gain. I will say her death didn’t resonate as deeply with me as it might have if she’d played a larger role in the movie but returning to Themyscira would have bogged down the pace. This is an origin film and if someone isn’t betrayed, they’ve got to lose a loved one; I wasn’t happy of course, but I guess if I had to pick I would rather Diana’s mentor go because a) it illustrates the importance of different bonds and b) I am tired of the whole ‘death of a parent kickstarts a hero on their journey.’ I know Antiope was Diana’s aunt but it wasn’t quite the same thing. I also like how this tragic ‘passing of the torch’ didn’t hang over Diana’s head the way it could have; she wasn’t a hardened, brooding heroine. Antiope died for love, and was in many ways the first step (unless you count the tale of Zeus protecting the Amazons) to her eventual drive to protect and fight for love. I know saying it like that sounds like a magical girl but I in no way think anything about this movie falls within that realm. There’s nothing pop culture or cliché in Diana’s character and I’ll get to that in a minute.

I thought Diana was the right amount of naïve, if that makes any sense. She wasn’t ditzy and the mistakes and little embarrassments she caused Steve and Etta were cute and quirky as opposed to cringe-worthy. I didn’t expect her to know of men, being the only Amazon born on Themyscira; I’m really glad she and the others weren’t treated like archaic idiots by the director or Chris Pine. I guess I was expecting something a little more similar to Thor’s treatment in his first film, which, while funny, earned him this ‘dopey puppy’ stereotype that’s really overshadowed any depth he’s gained in the MCU. I was also pleased to see Hippolyta was able to see Diana’s side of things, or rather, place her bond with her daughter over fear for her safety. I’ve seen so many films and TV shows where the rigid, overprotective parent becomes unlikeable.

On the flipside, I’m also glad her intellectual and physical abilities did not corrupt her view of man. She never once held herself in a pretentious, superior manner. This is something I’ve unfortunately seen in a lot of media of late…I adore this influx of female protagonists beyond the realm of…well, I guess Diana is a princess but she’s also a warrior and superhero. That said, it’s a personal turn-off when they’re treated above their male co-stars and see themselves as such. I want a good female protagonist as I said, but not if they’re going to act like they’re better than everyone else. There’s nothing, at least not to me, relatable or likeable in that. I’m not stupid; don’t pander to me like I am.

Diana, fortunately, breaks the mold yet again. There was only one moment I can recall that might be taken as intended superiority; when she was discussing her knowledge of men with Steve, how they were necessary for procreation but not so much for pleasure. While she seemed to know he probably wouldn’t like the consensus it came more from a courteous (if not somewhat humorous) place, rather than haughty superiority. That and much of what Diana said in that regard she likely took from not only her reading but her elders, growing up. Which in itself might be a form of naïveté but I’ll take it over a high-and-mighty attitude. I will say I found the ‘slave’ comment a bit out of place and (going out on a limb here) deliberately for the audience. It was like ‘and now we’re going to step away from ‘Diana-vision’ and insert ‘21st century activism. Please stand-by.’ I know why they threw it in, and I’m sure Diana said it with the same honesty she did everything else, but that one thing specifically didn’t work for me.

Another example superiority could have infiltrated her character: reading Doctor Poison’s stolen book. Diana seemed genuinely surprised no one else could read it, and given her origins, it wasn’t surprising. This evolved into a more amusing scene later on, using her language to elude the flirtatious Sammy. By then (kudos, character development) she’s gotten some idea not everyone has this skill, so it makes sense, as she grows more familiar in her surroundings, that she’d want to stop him in his tracks by literally making him eat his words. Yet again, there’s no malice or pretentiousness. Instead, a playful challenge ensues, with Diana emerging the victor. I admit, when Diana started speaking ancient Greek (provided that was, of course, ancient Greek) I squealed a little bit. It really is a personal thing but I just love how much this version of Wonder Woman and Themyscira embody their mythological/historical roots. Even though she wasn’t at the top of my superheroine list before (but damn, that’s definitely changing) I’ve always had an affinity for Wonder Woman because of her origins. She’s the beautiful, powerful and empathic Greek heroine I’d love to be, if only in essence.

But I digress.

I was a little worried about Chris Pine’s character, going into this. As noted above, I was afraid both Diana and the director would use this movie as an opportunity to belittle his importance, as well as the role of the ‘standard male protagonist.’ Thank Hera that wasn’t the case. Steve Trevor had his faults and humorous quirks but he was equally important and well-rounded. I admit, I take the first World War very seriously (well, all wars, but the First was such an unnecessary, heartbreaking mess I’m a little defensive in its regard.) So with that said, I was so, so impressed by him. He reminded me a lot of Steve Rogers, except of course, without the excessive stubbornness. He was stubborn, but it didn’t transcend into the comic book realm which is an odd thing to say, I know for a comic book movie. I guess I mean that I could have seen him star in a period piece without Amazons and Greek gods and still felt the same about his performance. He was a man, a man of the times, but a good, honest man who’d seen a lot and would do anything to stop even some of the senseless killing. He saw mankind for what it was, the good and bad—his speech about wanting one individual to blame really resonated. I think a lot of us in life believe we could blame the bad things on one particular individual…and I’m sure so many people during the Great War thought that as well. I’ve been trying to articulate just how Steve helped Diana become who she is; it’s so simple but complicated at the same time, so unlike any relationship I’ve seen in a superhero film. He didn’t transcend time to speak with an elder version of himself, didn’t banish her to Earth and shatter any familial bond…he just loved her. Believed in her. And in the end, sacrificed himself for both. I may not be one for the love interest sub-plot but my gosh, it played out so beautifully here.

When I first jotted down my initial thoughts about the movie, I kept drawing comparisons to Tarzan, only in reverse, with Time separating Diana from the rest of the world, as well as remote location. I can see now that was a very, very trimmed down comparison and almost…not insulting but simplified their characters and the bond they shared. Steve and Diana might be from different worlds, and Diana, as I said, was a little naïve, but Steve, too, underestimated her; they grew together as the film progressed, as equals. Only instead of Jane returning to the jungle with Tarzan, Diana remains in Steve’s world, fighting for the people he found so important, and who she believes are worth protecting, too.

I really liked the supporting cast as well. As I said, I’m a little sensitive about World War I and I think having such a diverse cast of characters really helped emphasize how encompassing it was, and how many different people suffered, because. Sammy was probably my favorite, but Charlie especially pulled at my heartstrings. I don’t know anything about these characters, if they exist outside the DC Expanded Universe or if they were specifically crafted for the film; correct me if I’m wrong but it seemed implied that Charlie’s character was once a soldier, perhaps earlier in the war, but trauma, like it did to so many at the time, shook his core. I’ve read and researched a lot about this war; it was the first ‘modern’ war with ‘modern’ weapons…and the first where Shell shock/PTSD really gained professional attention. I wish we’d learned more about Charlie, it isn’t often you see the staple ‘comic relief’ character backed by such tragedy. All of them, I’d have liked to spend more time with. For that reason I almost wish in some way the franchise in itself could stay in this time period. Alas, it’s not to be.

Oh, there is something else I’d like to point out, although I’m not sure where to fit it, exactly: the scene Diana reads from Doctor Poison’s journal illustrates, at least I think, the divide between the soldiers at the time and those from whom they took orders. Disregarding Ares for a second, I was really happy, although that’s not quite the right word, to see this included. So many people died precisely because those in higher power rarely set foot on the battle field. They remained in large part oblivious to trench conditions; to them, soldiers were expendable pawns in a political game.

Now then.

Diana’s run through No Man’s Land has to be my favorite scene. Not only is it the first time we really see ‘Wonder Woman’ in action but there’s so much power behind it because of the history I actually cried. I couldn’t help but wonder what might have happened out there, a hundred year ago in the trenches, if a brave Amazonian warrior had stormed No Man’s Land and ceased the gunfire so expertly. It does pain me a little to say that; I don’t believe any soldier on either side should take the blame for what happened a hundred years ago. Nonetheless, the Germans were painted as the enemy for most of the film (until you consider Ares trying to stall their armistice from the opposing side) so in lieu of that, I did cry when the soldiers rallied behind Diana.

My personal feelings about this period aside, she looked amazing. And by amazing, I mean badass. Deflecting bullets, braving fire with her shield, the way she just maneuvered on the field…I know she’s named after Artemis but she reminded me strongly of Athena, at least, how I envision her. It was just so…cool, to see her out there, see how far her character has come in media. While I am not an activist, nor do I seek political refuge in my movies I couldn’t help but like, feel a sense of pride, watching this female super hero take charge, watching everyone follow her lead and depend on her. It was like…I was seeing everything I wanted in a heroine. With the exception of X-men’s Rogue, who has always been my favorite female hero (disregarding the movie interpretation.) Not only that, but in that moment I really felt like I finally connected to Wonder Woman herself. I know I’ve emphasized my heritage and her redesign before, so I won’t go into that. There’s more to it, personal things I’m not comfortable discussing…but this incarnation is a big deal to me for so, so many reasons. I can’t thank Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins enough for bringing her to life.

Okay…let’s get back into this.

There is one little thing I wasn’t super thrilled with, but for this movie and in this context, it worked wonderfully. I’ve said my piece about the love interest and why I don’t mind Steve and Diana falling in love, I just…have issues with implied sex scenes. And it isn’t a political thing or a religious thing, it’s more...at least I think it’s along the lines of things I’d, at least for now, prefer not to discuss. So I’ll say in general I don’t care for it but it does work and I can’t fault the film because I know it worked. Just a personal thing.

I’m going to talk about Ares now.

I did not see that revelation coming. Maybe I should have, but I expected something along the lines of ‘Ares has been watching silently the entire time and suddenly booming laughter erupts and the ground parts and glows like lava; suddenly the god of war appears, sinister approval hanging from his lips.’

I much prefer how things actually played out. I’ve seen and read a lot of media featuring the Greek Gods and not once was Ares ever portrayed as a ‘posh British man.’ I think there’s a lot of symbolism in that; both in regards to the war itself and, if you want to go there, perhaps in this modern era itself. I’m going to talk about this in context of WWI because again, I want no part of modern political activism. In the war, as I said, the Elites controlled the strings. They gave orders their army had little choice but to carry out and rarely did they involve themselves directly. Some of them, upon realizing what was actually going on, were struck with horror. Others didn’t understand or care. Ares falls under the latter. I mentioned it before but the history fan in me would have liked to see more of this interpretation of the war itself, the people—civilians, soldiers and even the elites—and seen the struggle inflicted by Ares’ influence, how the armistice stalled and all. The super hero fan in me is more than okay with how the film played out. This is Diana’s movie, after all.

It was a teeny bit difficult to see this prim and proper man in full battle gear, only because, apart from maybe Ian McKellen’s Magneto (and even then, it’s not the same) I’ve never seen a live-action comic book villain portrayed that way. It’s jarring, but fascinating, too. It also fits into the overall elegance of the film. I wouldn’t expect someone like Loki or Apocalypse to show up in Wonder Woman’s world. Not to say she couldn’t handle them, because let’s be honest, that would be one badass fight. It’s more like…I don’t know. Historical context. Perhaps their ancient, otherworldly blood. Anything else would have hampered the tone and created a clunky feeling. Besides, we got to see his indirect brutality in the form of Doctor Poison’s gas. This Ares, until the end it seemed, was the puppeteer who kept his hands behind his back, free of blood. I loved it. Alternative interpretations rock the boat and keep things fresh. Even the final battle felt different, as odd as it was to see this Englishmen throwing punches in his blocky armor. Their representation also served to illustrate that ‘ancient elder figure’ trying to teach or tame the ‘reckless younger.’ That I have seen a lot in this genre, saw it recently in Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Diana, however, is such a different character from Peter Quill, and Ares, while on similar lines to his father whose name escapes me right now, is his own kind of destructive, with his own brand of motive that, like his half-sister, distinguish him from Marvel’s Celestial Kurt Russell.

There are two small qualms I have with the climax. The first is Ares’ revelation: Diana is the god-killer, not the sword. I don’t know why, but the impact failed to stick the way I wanted it to. Maybe because I’m unfamiliar with her New 52 origins, and I actually expected her to be Ares’ daughter (fun Mythological fact, the Amazons were actually Ares’ children, but I know that’s not the case in DC.) I thought perhaps Hippolyta kept the truth from her because she knew if Ares discovered he had a child he would try to corrupt her. Which I guess played out in some form anyway, even if she wound up being Zeus’ daughter instead. I’m okay with that; as I said before, Diana reminds me of Athena, also a child of Zeus, and came to be through unconventional means. I guess it’s just strange to me, to see so compassionate a character without the same tragedy circling Bruce and Clark…then again, I do primarily watch Marvel (and X-men) films and they practically wrote the book on character heartache. I mean, discovering the horrors of the mortal world and losing Steve are tragic, I guess I just expected something more? Perhaps more emphasis on the god-killer itself, or for greater impact when Diana found out. Did she know Zeus was her father? Or did she take her mother’s story in a more figurative sense? I know (the nurse?) was surprised to see her injuries so quickly healed, so I’m going to guess Diana herself wasn’t aware. That may be why I didn’t feel the same punch I was supposed to; I got a bit confused. Either way, I love Diana the way she is; we don’t need another jaded DC hero.

Before I forget, I want to give a shout-out to the human villains, too. Perhaps it was the era or the tone of the film but I personally felt that Doctor Poison and Ludendorff belonged in a German Expressionist film from the 1920s and 1930s—in a good way. I’ve seen a lot of old ‘mad science experiments gone awry’ films, some American, some British and some, of course, German. Doctor Poison especially, with her mask, and characterization felt very reminisce of Doctor Mabusa or Caligari. Again, it could have been the setting of the film, but I don’t know…their motives mixed with the overall elegance of the film felt very close to that old school horror I so love. I really wanted to know more about Poison’s mask, what happened to her face (although I’m assuming we’re to imply her work damaged her, physically, at some point.) Ludendorff was more the standard villain, something you might find out of SHIELD, but that they worked together, that he sort of…not spoke for her, but seemed to run the operation coincided with that same horror; two sides of the brain; the mad and the meticulous. Together, a fluid recipe for chaos.

I thought the final fight was awesome. Diana goes all out and we really get to see just how this twenty-first century Wonder Woman stands apart from her previous interpretations (movie and TV specifically.) As I stated earlier, I used to think Diana’s accessories and costume were, admittedly, a little cheesy and gimmicky. I don’t have the same nostalgic fondness for Diana that a lot of people do, I’m sure. I was too young to watch the live-action series and as I also said I never really connected with her animated version. This film for me rewrote my previous opinions. Her bracelets, and especially her lasso are awesome and the perfect aid for her. Of course BvS helped, but she was hardly in that movie and shoe-horned additions aren’t the same as a solo journey. On Ares’ end, there was also an appropriate amount of lightning. BvS completely overdid the lightning, to such a point it gave me a headache. Here, such effects felt appropriate for each character. With one tiny little exception: Diana’s grief.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the direction they took Steve’s final moments, and his death hit so many poignant marks. Even though I kind of expected him to die, because he was so prevalent throughout the film part of me almost thought he might survive at the last moment, spared by Zeus or something. I’m glad he didn’t. A hundred years have passed, and I just don’t see her living with Steve until he died of old age.  I do, however, feel like I missed something when it came to Diana’s grief. It felt almost too sudden, too explosive and while it didn’t go over my head, it was like preparing for an undertow that failed to carry me all the way under. I’d like to see this movie again, see if I can figure out why that failed to strike. The DCEU is known for their flimsy editing choices; to find it in an otherwise well-done film is surprising. So perhaps it isn’t a creative choice, but something I personally missed. I’ll have to go back and watch it.

The only other gripe I have, and it is a small one, is the CGI. At least 95% of it translated successfully, from the lighting to the slow-motion (which isn’t really CGI but an effect nonetheless.) Kudos to the slow-motion, by the way. While used more than it probably ought to be, Diana looked so damn cool I don’t care. I was, however, bothered a bit by how evident the computer generated effects came into play whenever she was thrown or jumped into the air. It’s a small thing, but bothered me no less. I love watching these super beings call upon their powers. It’s something I’ve always wished I could do, so the noticeable imagery took me out of the moment. To go along with that, the last shot of the film lingered for far too long. I’m not sure what alternative might have fixed it, I just know it lingered because it felt long, and when some portion of a film feels long to the audience it’s generally a sign something’s got to be reworked or cut. Maybe fading to black and then having Diana’s voice linger instead…I’m not sure.

There is one last thing I’d like to talk about: Diana’s declaration she believed in love. I didn’t intend to leave it until the end, things just sort of unfolded that way. It is important though, so perhaps discussing it now is a good note to end on. I have seen so, so many movies, read so many books and watched enough TV I know how overused that concept is for a character’s turning point. Whether it be someone like Chris Eccleston’s Doctor, who may not believe in love necessarily but learned how to embraced it enough to die for it, or Kiara’s understanding of ‘we are one,’ or even the overall presiding theme of classic films like the Princess Bride. It’s everywhere, it’s been everywhere for a long, long time. So how this movie managed to use it, say it point blank, and avoid the expectant groan is beyond me. It’s so fitting, right? Female heroine falls in love and becomes a stronger individual for it. I hate that concept (I’m sorry, I do) but it works so well here. So well in fact that a small part of me cheered and a part of my heart hurt. It’s been nearly a week and I’m still baffled by my reaction. Maybe it’s this new connection I have with Diana, or something about her character and the little details in her journey that stand her apart from other heroes. Maybe I’ve become so embittered by my own life that finding someone like her (someone, again, I’ve learned to connect with) understanding at last these flawed humans through her lost love and his sacrifice instead of seeing this world strictly as good vs bad…or perhaps it is the world I live in now. A world so stirred by blind, rigid hatred with no room for that deeper understanding. Whatever it is, again I say, kudos to Patty Jenkins and kudos to Gal Gadot. You’ve successfully recruited me aboard the Wonder Woman fanboat. Never in a million years did I see that coming.

I’m sorry everyone, I didn’t expect this to be so long: this movie just hit so many buttons for me, both nerdy and emotional…which I guess sums up Wonder Woman’s overall appeal. She’s ancient and brazen, feminine and empathic: she’s a woman in every sense of the word and that is her greatest strength.

[flauntpage]

The Philadelphia 76ers and “Clutch Wins” – Is the Argument Flimsy, or Sound?

The Philadelphia 76ers are 29-13 in games where the point differential was five or less in the last five minutes of the fourth quarter. That’s how the NBA defines “clutch” scenarios for statistical purposes.

For the Sixers, that record equates to a win percentage of .690, which is #1 in the NBA.

Here, see for yourself:

In more simple terms, they’ve found a way to win 29 of their 42 close games this season.

I’ve noticed that there are several different reactions when people consider this statistic:

They say, “wow, the Sixers are finding ways to win tight games this year, good for them“

They say, “why are the Sixers in so many close games? are they struggling to put away lesser teams?“

They say, “yeah, but how many leads did the Sixers blow to make these games close?“

All of those takes are understandable, I just see a disproportionate amount of #2 and #3, which feels negative to me. It seems like a lot of people are just looking for a reason to deconstruct this storyline and try to prove that it’s bullshit, either because they dislike Brett Brown or they’re clinging to this idea that the Sixers aren’t very good when they are, in fact, on pace to win 52+ games. Sure, they could easily flame out in the second round again, at which point we’ll talk about Brett’s job, but any notion that the Sixers are not a good team is straight-up false. They have the 5th-best winning percentage in the entire league as of March 25th, 2019.

I’ll start by saying this in general:

I don’t think it’s very smart to believe that NBA teams will build a lead and simply hold on to that lead for the rest of the game. Everybody goes on a run or hits a 2-3 minute scoring drought. Every single team does this in almost every single game.

Thiago summed it up perfectly:

Teams shoot threes at an alarming rate. Leads evaporate league wide in minutes. Teams no longer treat 10 point deficits by dumping the ball in the post and milking 22 seconds from the clock. Not sure most fans have made that mindset shift yet.

— Thiago (@TScabbia) March 25, 2019

I agree 100%.

You can use timeouts to alter momentum, which Brown did very well in the Milwaukee road win, but otherwise you’ve got teams like the Rockets and Warriors that can put up three straight three-pointers on three straight possessions, and now your 10-point lead is a one-point lead before you even know what hit you.

Fair point? More after the jump.

For further context, the Sixers shoot at the following percentages in “clutch” scenarios:

45% from the floor (10th best)

34.3% from three (12th best)

76.2% from the foul line (15th)

That’s pretty good, but the free-throw number could really be improved on, especially when you consider the Sixers have the league’s #1 free-throw attempt rate in clutch time (0.667%).

They also turn the ball over on 13.9% of clutch possessions, which is 21st in the league. That’s not good, but it’s actually lower than their 25th overall standing in all combined scenarios, which comes out to 14.8%. The Sixers do, in fact, do a better job of handling the basketball in close, fourth-quarter games, though turnovers like the one Joel Embiid committed on Saturday night just kill this team down the stretch at times.

A few more clutch stats:

110.8 offensive rating (9th)

108.0 defensive rating (14th)

2.8 net rating (12th)

56.9 assist percentage (5th)

51.9 effective field goal percentage (9th)

59.8 true shooting percentage (4th)

The Sixers have been pretty solid offensively late in games. The defense is honestly the bigger issue for them.

To really parse this statistic, you need to go through all 42 games in which the score differential was +/- five points within the final five minutes. On 25 occasions, the final score remained within that differential. On 17 occasions it finished outside of those parameters, meaning that one team was able to pull away and put the game to rest.

Then, we go into each of those box scores and see whether the Sixers won a tight game, blew a lead, or just struggled to put away a lesser squad. We will then draw conclusions from there and present our findings at the end.

The list:

October 20th: Sixers 116, Magic 115 (home)

October 23rd: Pistons 133, Sixers 132 (road/overtime)

October 27th: Sixers 105, Hornets 103 (home)

November 9th: Sixers 133, Hornets 132 (home/overtime)

November 14th: Magic 114, Sixers 109 (road)

November 17th: Sixers 122, Hornets 119 (road/overtime)

November 19th: Sixers 119, Suns 114 (home)

November 21st: Sixers 121, Pelicans 120 (home)

November 25th: Sixers 127, Nets 125 (road)

December 12th: Nets 127, Sixers 124 (home)

January 2nd: Sixers 132, Suns 127 (road)

January 11th: Hawks 123, Sixers 121 (home)

January 13th: Sixers 108, Knicks 105 (road)

January 19th: Thunder 117, Sixers 115 (home)

January 23rd: Sixers 122, Spurs 120 (home)

February 12th: Celtics 112, Sixers 109 (home)

February 21st: Sixers 106, Heat 102 (home)

February 25th: Sixers 111, Pelicans 110 (road)

February 28th: Sixers 108, Thunder 104 (road)

March 2nd: Warriors 120, Sixers 117 (home)

March 6th: Bulls 108, Sixers 107 (road)

March 17th: Sixers 130, Bucks 125 (road)

March 19th: Sixers 118, Hornets 114 (road)

March 20th: Sixers 118, Celtics 115 (home)

March 23rd: Hawks 129, Sixers 127 (road)

And these are the 17 games that qualify for the clutch statistic in which the final scored ended up being greater than a five point differential (i.e. the Sixers were able to put away the opponent, or vice versa) –

October 23rd: Sixers 109, Pistons 99 (road)

November 1st: Sixers 122, Clippers 113 (home)

November 10th: Grizzlies 112, Sixers 106 (road/overtime)

November 12th: Sixers 124, Heat 114 (road)

November 16th: Sixers 113, Jazz 107 (road)

December 2nd: Sixers 103, Grizzlies 95 (home)

December 7th: Sixers 117, Pistons 111 (road)

December 14th: Pacers 114, Sixers 101 (home)

December 25th: Celtics 121, Sixers 114 (road/overtime)

January 1st: Sixers 119, Clippers 113 (road)

January 5th: Sixers 106, Mavericks 100 (home)

January 31st: Sixers 113, Warriors 104 (road)

February 2nd: Kings 115, Sixers 108 (road)

February 8th: Sixers 117, Nuggets 110 (home)

March 5th: Sixers 114, Magic 106 (home)

March 12th: Sixers 106, Cavaliers 99 (home)

March 15th: Sixers 123, Kings 114 (home)

Okay.

Deep breath.

There’s a lot to dig into here, and really you could go through every single one of these games and say, “well, player X was not available and team Z was on the second night of a back to back” and what not. You could divide the season into the Robert Covington/Dario Saric/Markelle Fultz time period, then the Jimmy Butler time period, and then the Tobias Harris/Boban period. It’s just very difficult to parse all of this in a way that’s totally accurate because there are 5,000 footnotes to make.

On a basic level, here are some takeaways:

15-6 home record in clutch games

14-7 road record in clutch games

14 clutch wins against teams currently in playoff positions

15 clutch wins against teams currently not in playoff positions (4 against Hornets)

7 clutch losses to teams currently in playoff positions

6 clutch losses against teams currently not in playoff positions

13-4 record in games that started within a five point differential, then ended outside of that range

You see there’s not a huge difference in their win/loss totals versus good teams and bad teams. They have 14 wins against playoff teams and 15 wins against non-playoff teams.

I’d also put a lot of stock into that final takeaway. On 13 occasions this year, the Sixers found ways to win by more than five points when the game was originally tighter in the fourth quarter. And in two of those losses, they fell apart in overtime (Boston on Christmas night and the road game in Memphis). Probably the worst loss in this area was December 13th, when the Sixers were down four to Indiana, at home, at the 4:32 mark in the fourth quarter. Indy then went on a 9-0 run a few minutes later to win by 12.

If we want to break it out further into good clutch wins and “bad” clutch wins, I’d organize it like this:

great clutch wins: vs Spurs, at Bucks, at Warriors

good clutch wins: at Nets, at Thunder, vs Nuggets, at Pelicans, vs. Celtics, at Jazz, at Clippers

clutch wins that were way too close for comfort: vs Cavaliers, vs Suns, 1st Magic home game, 1st Hornets OT game, vs. Pelicans, at Knicks, vs Mavericks, maybe vs Kings

The Sixers went on a 10-0 run to come back and beat the Spurs, so I list that as a great cluch win. The Nets road win was better than we originally thought, since Brooklyn turned out to be decent this year. The Thunder win was very good, and if even if Paul George didn’t play, the Sixers were also missing Joel Embiid. Likewise, the Nuggets didn’t have Gary Harris or Paul Millsap when they came to Philly. Joel didn’t play in the NOLA road win, while Anthony Davis was on a minutes restriction.

The clutch wins that were really iffy I listed as the recent Cavs win (super sloppy with a ton of turnovers), the home win against Phoenix (awful team), and those first two Magic and Hornets games, really early in the season. They probably should have beat New York by more at Madison Square Garden and the recent home game against the Kings was a little iffy, since Sacramento was on the 2nd night of a back to back and playing their final game of a four game east coast road trip.

The games I didn’t list are just whatever. I didn’t feel strongly about them one way or another. You could make an argument that the home Miami win and road Phoenix win were questionable, but I don’t really see it that way.

And then for losses I’d say:

acceptable clutch losses:  vs Thunder, vs Celtics, vs Warriors,

unacceptable clutch losses: at Bulls, vs Nets, vs Hawks, at Hawks, vs Pacers, at Grizzlies, at Celtics? (Christmas)

I didn’t know how to label the Celtics game on December 25th. You could say they were in that game the entire way and should have won, but I don’t think anybody is expecting a road win over Boston as an automatic.

The Bulls loss was horrendous, both Hawks losses were horrendous, and the aforementioned Indy loss was bad. There were seven games I listed as “unacceptable clutch losses” and 10 games I listed as good or great clutch wins. Everything else I thought was par for the course.

So yeah, a lot of this is arbitrary in how you determine what is acceptable and what isn’t, but I picked out 7.5 games where I felt like they should have won with a little more comfort, and 6.5 where I felt they just lost badly in clutch situations.

Compare that to the ten wins I identified as either “great” or “good” clutch performances, and I think that’s probably what you’re going to find for most top-eight NBA teams, which is some good, some not good, and a lot of “meh” in the middle. The Bucks lost twice to Phoenix this season, the Raptors lost by 29 in Orlando, and the Warriors lost to the Lakers and Pistons. Great teams lose badly. It just happens.

For further context, the Sixers have a 29-9 home record and six home clutch losses, so the three home losses where they were not at all competitive were Portland and two Toronto games. I’d be more concerned about the Sixers getting blasted in those three games vs. worrying about the squad “not winning by enough points” against lesser opponents.

Either way, the this is probably the ultimate macro level takeaway:

Playoff basketball is about late fourth quarter execution. For whatever we want to say about how the Sixers reached these clutch points in games, we now have 42 instances out of 73 games where the team has had to execute half-court offense and learn how to close. That’s invaluable experience for a team returning to the playoffs for a second straight season, especially considering that had virtually no postseason experience heading into last April.

Bottom line, you can split hairs over blown leads and bitch about tight games, but isn’t it kind of corny to complain about wins?

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