#also i dont even have anything else due this week!! this is literally all i have to do!!

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[muirneach]

ive had like two weeks to write this paper and its due friday and i wrote the outline this weekend and i haven’t written anything else i just dont know what to dooooo. and its not that i dont know the content because if someone came up to me and asked for me to give a rundown on indigenous history in toronto precolonial era and since contact as well as current issues facing the community as well organizations involved in present day i could do it without batting an eye. thats among my bread and butter. but for some reason this has me moping and weeping and screaming

[kimmkitsuragi]

my brain is so fried right now i swear

[pomodoriyum]

i am in a poll mood this week i guess. one more.

my reasoning:

tozer-- i dont think he will do work on his own unless specifically asked to do that specific thing. he knows whats in his job contract!! the work he puts out is like, just okay, but it's clear he did try y'know?

stanley-- brusque, thinks he's better than everyone and is not nice about it, a bit of a control freak. will do work on his own but will NOT collaborate. will make cutting and mean comments for no reason

goodsir-- friendly but also an insane control freak. extremely high standards for work and will go thru and 'make improvements' to whatever you worked on. thinks hes better than everyone, but is nice about it, i guess. accidentally condescending.

collins-- does his work but things keep going wrong due to insane non-school related issues. absolutely gets blasted on something to try and cope with the stress the night before & day-of the presentation. gives real manic 'finishing assignment five minutes before presentation' vibes. cries during the presentation and has to step outside to calm down.

hickey-- categorically refuses to do any work at all, but will act like he's doing things. happy to 'collaborate'-- ie have a chat, but he's not going to be doing work if he can be doing literally anything else. gets huffy if you point it out. really good presenter day-of, though. give him a speech or a slideshow and he'll rock that thing, so long as he doesnt have to make it himself and he's taken five minutes to read through it.

des voeux-- unpleasant personality, but generally o.k.-ish standard of work. he'll whine and bitch and moan but he'll do it, even without being asked (some of the time). really good at some stuff, but will also put in absolutely the bare minimum to do o.k. and is not. like. motivated. he will say something rude to his group members.

[saiiboat]

behold. the poly fuga au relationship chart that i have spent way too long on. transcription under the cut because wow thats a lot of small text

cell and felps' background and dynamic inspired by @wsdanon's hcs!

from left to right,

Pac and Mike: soulmates. childhood friends. mike has to look after pac and pac trusts mike to look after him. pac takes cues from Mike in most situations; this was true in their childhoods and carries on into their dynamic in the prison and their relationship with cell. pac trusts mike 100% to stop either him or cell if they decide to like. stab each other or something. they've been through it all together and their experience in prison has only brought them closer. When they escape and find a place to call home, it doesn't take long (a week maybe) for the small kitchen counter to be made into a lab in the kitchen table to be made into a workbench. they work in tandem and are never far apart. while there is a lot of mutual guilt (mike getting pac into this mess and pac attempting to sell mike out), felps helps them work through it and they come out stronger on the other side with not only more faith in themselves as a duo, but also in themselves as individuals. they tend to blast music way too loud as they work often forgetting less pressing or time sensitive projects in favor of bad dancing and even worth singing. It's this that evolves into karaoke night.

Mike and Felps: at first, in alcatraz, mike only knows felps as the guard that cell keeps in his pocket and has blackmail on. after the escape any theyre settled down and felps finds them and sticks around, mike is mainly curious why felps came back after he was used by them and cell. it doesn't take much prodding for felps to reveal how he knows cell and why he became a guard in the first place. while mike doesn't totally understand felps and cell's relationship, he's at least glad to see it heal. they eventually become very comfortable in eachother's space, feeling completely at ease with one another. they're frequent confidants and enjoy casual displays of intimacy with eachother. one of mike's favourite things to do for felps is to stand behind him and guide felps' hands as he teaches him something mechanical. felps originally falls a little-bit a lot-a-bit in love with mike after getting to know him (though pac is what brings them together at first, their mutual enjoyment of eachothers company brings them closer), and while mike doesn't reciprocate romantically, theyre both perfectly happy with their situation. they dont make out or kiss on the lips, but they are both very happy to kiss eachothers faces, hands, or any other exposed skin. they fucking kick ass at karaoke and get very serious about the whole thing together.

Mike and Cell: Acts as a balance for pac and cell. pac will let cell do literally anything to him and they both know that mike will stop them before they do anything they'll actually regret. it takes a while but mike eventually ends up trusting cell implicitly, more so than anyone else does. Mike may think cell is creepy and gross but cell is their creepy and gross. cell on the other hand would kill for Mike like a cat would drop a dead bird on your bed. he's pac and mike's protector. their benefactor. he's the hound that gave Mike the controller to his shock collar. after Alcatraz and they're allowed to be actual people, they have the chance to grow extremely fond of one another, and are often found over an enigma or piece of tech, providing entirely unhelpful comments about whichever the other is trying to complete. worsties. besties. they watch bad movies together and laugh and throw popcorn at the screen

Pac and Felps: while felps and pac dont interact much in alcatraz due to being on opposing sides of cell's favour, felps does start to carry a small flame for pac that doesn't have time to bloom before the other 4 escape and felps is left behind to leave on his own. after felps finds cell again (saintly intuition), his world brightens up even more when he discovers that pac lives here too. while sharing a livingspace and with the other 4 already in an established relationship, it doesn't take much for pac and felps to come together, too. felps' introduction to the polycule is what balances everyone out, pac's infatuation with cell fading to affection and the entire group settling into a new normal around them. felps' willingness to simply share space or tangle their hands together is incredibly healing for pac who bases his worth so much on what he can do for others or what he can let them take. felps thinks that pac is incredible, and is enamored with everything pac says or does. theyre both stupidly in love for the world to see

Pac and Cell: ohhh my goddd they want to see each other covered in blood. in Alcatraz and for a period of time after their escape, their relationship is built on their mutual obsession with each other; cell's possessiveness over pac and pacs infatuation if given the chance, cell would do anything to pack impact would let him, and their ability to coexist rests on cell bearing his throat and allowing mike to be the one to pull him back. after alcatraz and felps gets added to the mix, their dynamic and relationship becomes much healthier and balanced as cell learns to function outside of highly traumatic situations and pac starts to see himself more as an individual. they're both still freaks who both fantasize so about that one time they killed jv together and they dream of doing something like that again. maybe to each other. But with distance from prison they are able to heal together, and eventually become rather domestic. pac makes coffee for cell and does his best to drag him away from late nights solving enigmas and when mike's work table in the kitchen out as many papers there in the kitchen so he and pac can share space as pac messes around in his makeshift lab.

Cell and Felps: though through the duration of their stay in alcatraz cell mostly just wants to make felps suffer a bit, perceiving him becoming a prison guard a personal betrayal (not knowing that felps became a guard to continue seeing him), things between them settle after felps finds him again (saintly intuition) and theyre mostly just elated to have eachother again. they were physically affectionate before prison, and while it takes them a bit to get back to that point, they're both much less awkward about it now as adults. they're extremely comfortable in each other's presence and this only strengthens as they both heal. cell learns to laugh when felps covers his face and kisses and felps relearns the joy of cell being the one to initiate shows of affection. their relationship has already hit rock bottom once, there's very little that could tear them apart. now. The best of friends, there's so much love here

Mike and Guaxinim: mike and guaxinim find common ground and bond over their mutual power over cell. while mike pulls the leash and lets cell know when to back off, guaxinim is the one to stand chest to chest with cell, unfazed as cell lets loose on him. they both handle cell very differently but. well. they still handle him. guaxinim and mike also really are just two blokes who share a hobby. they're in completely different areas of engineering but still talk about it together for hours on end and will sit in the garage or lab or boatyard and work and share ideas. while they originally became somewhat of a unit due to their dynamics with cell, they become people that genuinely enjoy spending time together and wouldn't give up the others company for the world. they have a Words With Friends game that does not break a daily streak for 3 years. the only time it happens is because pac catches the house on fire and they have to worry about not being found out by the authorities

Guaxinim and Felps: guaxinim and felps have a shared history through cell, knowing of eachother for years though never interacting in depth. when felps finds them after they escape, it's guaxinim who discovers him at the door and lets him in. he's seen how felps looks at cell enough times to know that felps isn't here for trouble. having nowhere else to go, felps is only a couch crasher for an hour or so before cell gets home and theyre able to reconnect, felps graduating within the same day to sleeping with them on the two large mattresses they had pressed together. guaxinim works at a local boatyard and as an olive branch, he invites felps to come with him and maybe even learn some things about boats and how to fix them. felps wouldn't call himself particularly good at it, but he enjoys the process of learning and watching guaxinim work. romantic attraction between the two of them is odd, somewhere between strong romantic attraction and none at all, often bouncing between the two poles. typically neither of them feel the particular need to initiate acts of affection or intimacy with eachother unless as part of a group, in which case they will engage happily, whether in public or in the privacy of their own home

Cell and Guaxinim: for cell, guaxinim has been his anchor in prison for years, and he continues to be one for him outside of it; a pillar of familiarity that he can rely on. guaxinim knows cell better than anyone and cell takes comfort in knowing hell never have to explain himself to guaxinim. guaxinim is endlessly fond of cell. he knows what and who cell is and doesnt need or expect him to change, loving him even (and sometimes especially) at his worst. while guaxinim is mildly upset about jv's death for minute, he does not hold this against cell, pac, or mike. happens! when given the chance to heal and exist as people outside of prison, they're very much an old married couple. they nag eachother constantly; after a stretch of time as cellmates they have pretty much shame around eachother and will generally be horrifically embarrassing to the others while having their own fun

Pac and Guaxinim: pac and guaxinim really are the same and that they both think that cell is the hottest thing to ever walk this earth and they wholly bond over this fact. their relationship definitely isn't hurt by guaxinim also having a "dangerous appeal" to pac with his inability to back down even against cell, as well as simply being a muscled guy that likes to wear tank tops while covered in sweat and grease. pac is only so strong. guaxinim doesn't understand much of what pac talks about in their makeshift lab (the kitchen), but he's an attentive listener and pac loves and appreciates his questions. guaxinim is pac's worst enabler and somehow they've only had to evacuate the apartment twice. their relationships to cell, while different in a few ways, allow them to strongly bond. after felps is added to the mix and pac's infatuation for cell settles to affection, pac and guaxinim fully settle into their own relationship and dynamic. they aren't overly showy with affection and are more likely to press their shoulders together slightly or lean against each other than to walk with hands held or to hang off each other throughout the day. they both love cuddling though and are perfectly happy to drape against the other on the couch either on their own or with the whole group

NOTE: transcriptions were done via voice to text because i made this entire thing in ms paint without saving the text. so if you spot any mistakes like bizarre misspellings of guaxinim please let me know LMAO

[frankburn]

genuinely hate to have to do this again but ive exhausted what im able to do and im not getting any luck with commissions whatsoever. not only is my insurance not covering any of my medications now (i have no insomnia meds and im running low on everything else. i also havent been able to get my testosterone authorized for some reason and overall its just been a huge headache) but im also almost 2 months behind on rent, and past due on multiple bills. (i havent had hot water in a couple weeks now) ive reached out to local community centers and even churches to see if i could get some help but i havent had any luck at all besides food banks helping with food which dont get me wrong im grateful for that, and a couple of places saying they might be able to help with bills. i just dont know what to do about everything else right now and the possibility that i could go homeless once again is very high at this point and im completely dreading it all. i rly do hate to have to sit here and ask for help but idk what to do and literally anything at this point will help

pls check out my discounted commissions prices if u might be interested in that

if ur in a position to help out heres my links: pypl cshpp: stupidsmilez

if u cant commission or help out, reblogs help just as much

[laulo821]

to clarify my opinion on "proper" english, idfc how people write in their personal lives/to friends or family/etc, but in professional/published works- or anything that is meant to be understood by a wider audience i think the clarity provided by adhering to certain grammatical rules and structure is veeerrry important eheheh. for the sake of ease of communication!

i try to be pretty careful about my word choice and order allll the time for that reason, even if i drop a lot of proper spelling/capitalization/punctuation for casual dialogue.

nonetheless, i think when people act intentionally obtuse just to shame people for speaking casually/colloquially/with slang/whatever thats stupid and evil etc. hate when people do that. i might not understand a lot of it, but it has the right to exist yk! it is just as worthy of respect ^_^

anyways i think this topic is very interesting as well its something i enjoy talking about :33

once again i dare ask, where does the professional/private begins and stops? thats a big debate we had in termonology class (terminology , the science of terms aka specialised & professional words). some terminologists argue that terms are only employed in the field by top-notch experts to top-notch experts and nothing else qualifies as a term. other terminologists argue that funk that: "spoonful" is a term because it belongs to the professional sector of cooking, disregarding how common/unspecialised it may be (they dont actually disregard it but yknow). also some guy who goes fishing as a hobby every week and starts talking about the components of his rod to his friends: not an expert (meaning doesn't work as a fisherman)! but using specialised words! should they count as terms or common words? should that be considered professional discussion cuz the terms or private discussion cuz he's talking to a friend? anyways it's just to say that the gap between professional and private discussions may not be so clear

on a same note, what is a wider audience? we're on the internet literally everyone could read that post, making it, by its nature, designed for a wide audience. should every tumblr post thus should have proper english? likewise, works that were only notes and scribbles, like Les Pensées by Pascal that were published post-mortem... it was not meant for a wider audience in that state and is not always using proper French. due to this, are thus Les Pensées not a piece of literature anymore? (kinda teasing w this paragraph hehe but you see the issue i'm poking)

like you said the most important task of a language is not to be proper. it is to be spoken but also to be effective. to enable communication. we could also go all in and dare say, funk the rules as long as a message or piece or literature is understandable, it is proper english!! arguably, every broken rule of proper english creates a new variation of english that could be its own proper variation english (like UK english, US english, NZ english, etc, coexist together as proper englishes)

also youre soso true about the shaming stuff. dawg that pisses me OFF. that's why fuck the Académie Française i wish i could dismember that bullshit of an institution. they are the ones "making the rules" of French but NONE OF THOSE FUCKERS ARE LINGUISTS AND ALSO ARE ALL 109 YEARS OLD HOW CAN THEY im cool im cool [insert the hades calming down gif]. anyways. language belongs to the people so whatever they do with it it's fine as long as they have fun and are themselves <3

on a final note i'm heavily arguing against you here but i think you're overall right nonetheless :p rigor may not always be needed in a language but languages need a strong basis and grammatical rules to exist and actually make the communication efficient!! i perfectly see your points and they are very legit

[away-ward]

Hey ko! I was the anon who talked to you about my opinion of nightfall around two weeks ago ask & ans 256? Anyway, i dont think i have anything much to reply to your answer, i agree with a lot of things you said. And i actually read the bonus rikabanks and wtf? 🤮 i shouldve listened to you!!!!! Wtf? Why do i feel like dn series dont have any couples that will stay together for the rest of their lives? Like? Tbh, i wasnt feeling alexaydin, willemmy was on thin ass because of that bitchass will grayson, kaibanks too on thin ice because of kai fuck that guy- conclave, then michaelrika is so stale? Ngl, they got that sexual tension, but what else?

Unpopular opinion, i actually dont dislike any fmcs in this series except for winter, even rika, i just dont feel much about her tbh. It's insufferable to see these men and women going after her bland ass, but hey wtv. My least fav though would 100% be winter. alex was my #1 hated, but winter was my #1 disliked fmc in the series, but still my dislike for her is lower than any hatred i have for the horsemen tbh. I think it's because both of alex and winter are jjst such self righteous hypocrites, will and kai got on my nerves for the same reason too. when they fucked up, they love to play victim too much, and blame everybody as if their hands are not just dirty. winter's character is just being a useless tool, to be damon's muse and before anyone come after me, winter was not boring because shes blind at all. It's her lack of presence outisde of damon, and her personlity. In general, damonwinter is unlikeable to me. Shes just there, she didnt make any impact to her OWN love story and i hate it, feels like only damon was yearning, and i dont even like damon. Like AT ALL. I fucking hate him, and still think he deserves better than winter tbh.

Funny how out of the four main couples, i actually rooted for damonwinter the least. Even in conclave and fire night, it was always damon taking initiatives, and i hate it, i dont like winter because of this. I dont understand how od got the chance to write a bomb ass character who's disabled and write someone naive, guillible, self righteous, weak, whiny and slut-shaming, like winter. Granted other characters did too, but the way she was described as pure and good but doesnt match up to how she actually was, i was disappointed. theyre the least not romantic to me, besides kaibanks (but kaibanks was because pd didnt know how to write them, and busy putting damon in their story. Outisde of those factors, they got chemistry). I want fmc and mmc to be obsessed and be yearning and work for each other. Damonwinter was giving nothing, because winter made it feel like a reluctant group project, but hey looking at goodreads reviews tell me that maybe its just me. I was so disappointed because everyone was like "you gota keep pushing corruot and hideaway for damonwinter" then when i read it, i was like "huh, why was winter like THAT?" She was so fucking self righteous and annoying. Like she dont gotta a brain or something? Like? Even rika wasnt this gullible. I mean rika WAS very gullible but there was a lot of situations we read where she was only like that because she chose to put it past her since her only aim in corrupt was michael michael michael. As she grew, even though she was still a lot unnecessary, she wasnt insufferable on purpose, but because pd wrote her to be one. Rika's character assassination was not because of herself, but because of pd's writing. Like damon said, half dumb half smart. But winters character was straight dumb. I feel like it's due to bad writing AND her character was born to fluff damon up. Like winter Was so damn stupid, i had to take a break when i read her pov.sometimes stupid? Thats fine, everyone does that in the series (except for the horsemen) but almost all the time? Girl, what? Interesting how damon really always find interest in dumb fmcs, but then he also admitted that thats his personality type, literally the ditzy blonde ones, so hey, maybe misogyny IS the big turn on for these "heroes" huh?

and another thing that i wanna touch on: purity culture of this series. Ohmy fucking god, it was so icky!!!!! Made me hate damonwinter even more. No because why did nobody gave this a trigger warning? I didnt know this going into the series!!!!! Ohmygod! Like for real? Damon always talking about how young and pure the people around him? I get it. Trauma. But goddamn, he romanticised it all the time and never grew out of it! I cannot stand His povs!!! Talking about rika like that, then treating banks like that and touching her ass ohmygod it traumatised me, then babying will and acting like he's a baby, then winter about her young thighs, ruining her and shit like ughhh 🤮 and innocent sleeping winter like she was 12 🤮 like whats with the purity-obsessed with these characters? Rika when she said alex was the purest? Huh? theyre both such dumb no-thoughts-but-only-dicks besties for real. Theyre always so embarrassing together, so shallow, i hate it!! But pd has never had a talent to write good female relationships either, her birthday girl book and fall away series are always fmcs fighting and putting other women down. But she always write all these men bonding with each other and having the best kinds of support system. I hate it!!! Anyway, back to the purity topic, ugh, did you notice this too? I always throw up in my mouth a lil when damon went into emmy's shower stall and talked about will like that, it's so predatory (which again, i know trauma, but idgaf) and weird ughhhhh. But people esepcially willdamon shippers always go awww 🥹 but theyre also damonwinter lovers so i guess purity is really their kink? Idk idc, you like what you like but it still traumatised me!!!! Thank god in emmy's pov i dont have to read much about purity and misogyny. Ughhhhhhh. Like 6 books in the series, and only in nightfall we see the fmc being mostly good to other women, and not the other way around only ughhhhhh. Maybe this was why alex was mad at emmy, among many other possible reasons than jealousy? Because emmy was her first female friend in the group who didnt start her relationship with alex being shit or judging to her from the start? And after everything still good to her? Because shes not to sincerely supportive female friendship like this? Or am i reaching? Because i remember alex's relationship with rika, banks and winter were rocky at first, not like theres a big fight or anything, but their men always use her to pit against their women and their women always looks down on her? Maybe not winter because she didnt know but damon was still implying that alex was only a side hoe. Idk, have you discussed this point here before? I think it's interesting how bare minimum it was, but thank fucking god for emmy for this. I wished she was bitchier and didnt have to always be so kind to people like this, they just always walk all over her while her bitchass guy grayson stood there like a dumbo, never fight for anything. Ughhhhhhh im pissed!!

i think that's the only thing i got in mind after ask and answ 256.

anyway,

and i just read your conversation with anon about emory's lack of background and ohmygod, it just came to mind that wow, emory's back story is really the most mysterious, huh? And not in a good way, but in a bad author-really-dgaf way. Like, damn? We really dont know much about emory? I'd like to think she dated and all, but the relationships were not impactful enough to change nightfall. But i still dont understand, why tf does pd's mmc always be so obsessed of being overly fond of other women in their story? Like? Will and alex? Why is pd always so obsessed with this? But the women always stay virgin or not a hoe, again, pure! Ughhhhh purity!! Men can have fuck buddies and girl bff (kai, will) but girls got called out and lashed out for being close to men while their men didnt give a fuck about how they feel (kai with damon, lev and david and prety much any men in banks vicinity, wil with damon, aydin and any men emmy hooked up with while being #1 whore himself). The hypocrisy and double standard!!!! Adding another reason in my list to hate kai and will. No bcs it's easy to hate characters like michael, damon and aydin from the get go because theyre shit and they know it. But hypocrites like kai and will? They always get babied by female readers and i hate it!!!! Cant pd write just one book with fmc who's not a pure virgin with big bad sccary guy who treats her like shit? Ughhhhhhh did i say how much i hate the purity concept in her stories?

Now, another one that i got angry about after thinking about emory's lack of background story: pd had the time to make up that Aaron Palmer Fane name for Rika's baby, combining alex and will's name, and the middle name of Torrin (girl version of torrance) for one of willemmy's daughter, and Fane for damon's son, but she can't give the same energy for emmy's story, and banks' closure? Like those babies literally only came not until later, but they got their spotlights? I'm so pissed off! Uggghhhh like if pd was so obsessed with alex and will, why cant they just write them together? This is the case where authors wrote too much of unnecessary side characters and fans start siding with them instead of the fmcs. And then pd's say shit like "oh i planned this, you just dont understand". No her writing and planning was just whack, period. She shoudve hyped up emmy from the start in every single book. For one fact about alex, give emmy 3-4 extras. How the hell do you even plan your stories like this? Who's the main character now, im so angry! We literally got a scene of alex and will on a bike, but not willemmy? Got a scene of alex in willemmy's bed, but not willemmy hanging out? Even their godzilla movie date after was glossed over. Dont even mention the cove burning scene. Unpopular opinion, I understand the point of her being locked up and will's thought of it, but again, why is alex with him? Ughhhhhhhh im angry!!!!!!! And why the fuck is will so fucking bad at setting boundaries? And when willemmy talked in the carfax room, they prob did talk about boundaries, no? So why no scenes of that? Because pd didnt find that interesting? But will giving alex's cheek a sloppy kiss at the cove, howling like dogs and looking into each others eyes saying theyre mirrors are interesting? Interesting to whom? Ughhhh

another thing, i read on goodreads/ pd's website that the characters' birthdate were never something that she thought too much off until the story got published them and fans asked for them. Huh, what a great planner! Like at this point, i dont believe that shes a great planner at all. And i cannot unsee it but i feel like pd and damon are similar in the sense that what goes on in their doesnt match reality, thats why their rationale are stupid. Description doesnt match anything. Like?? It made me feel a bit disrespected as a reader because she kept on writing a but i felt gaslighted if i felt b, then her fans will attack me and say im dumb because i didnt believe a. Like why are you angry at me? Tell pd to write properly ten, how is it my fall, if im not the only reader who had this problem with her writing? Anyway, i guess No wonder banks' age doesnt make any sense, but then she doesnt give a fuck about banks as much either other than always making her self worth about men around her- damon, kai and gabriel. Idk, if i thinkabout all the way pd messed up hideaway and banks character, that'll be a whole other long rant that nobody probably gaf about, but me.

Tbh i really dont remember where i heard this but hideaway was actually her hardest book to write because corrupt was supposed to be a standalone, so she had to think of how kai and banks would work. So dont take my word for it!! But i can see why hideaway was like THAT. i guess by nightfall, she just wanted to end it. I mean she did took feedback to lessen alex's presence in fire night, thank god! And i remember one of her goodreads questions about having more diverse fmcs and pd said she couldnt because of banks' character and who she was related Too and tbh idek what to make of this, because i just read the extra on her site of banks stalking michael rika kai in the valentines extra, and that LITERALLY couldve been the prologue hideaway or epilogue for corrupt. Uggghh and not the epilogue of hideaway being damon pissing? Ughhhhhh i hate himmmm.

excuse me ko, i sound so hateful and whiny here but i only react to this to bad soap operas, because only bad soap kperas can me invested in their shitty stories like this. Im so angry but so invested? Idk but i think people who are still in the fandom are tough readers, because after my anger subside, i think i wont be touching this series again for real, these characters, these books, these stories and this author just make me angry!!! How do yall stay sane here. Your fanfics are one of the reason i like willemmy in an au. No but seriously, theyre so fun to read! I really appreciate the fanfics you put out for free, and all the games and fan things you do on your blogs! And unexpectedly, i didnt know i need that banks emmy hollow fic! Thank you for that female characters bonding 🥰

if you have any happy books or shows that i can watch with no angst or bullying, please do send my way 🥹🫶 i think i need a cleanse from this series

Heyyyy! I’m so happy you're b-ohhh…

And i actually read the bonus rikabanks and wtf? 🤮 i shouldve listened to you!!!!! Wtf?

Well. What can I say? Sometimes curiosity gets the better of you. Looks like you did the same thing a lot of us did: go looking for all the bonus material only to realize it doesn’t get better; it only gets worse. To this day, the only one I return to is the Hideaway deleted scene with Will. Does so much for my willemmy heart.

Why do i feel like dn series dont have any couples that will stay together for the rest of their lives?

You’re not the first to say that. Personally, I feel that these people will live the rest of their lives together, die together, and be buried together if only because no one else will put up with them (probably all at the same time if Damon gets any control, and knowing PD…)

(…am I implying that Damon will plan a murder/suicide plot, killing his wife and best friends when they reach age 80, because he can’t stand the idea of living without them, or them he? possibly.)

My least fav though would 100% be winter.

Your rant about Winter and purity cultural got me thinking a little bit. The majority of readers like to give Emmy multiple boyfriends and hook ups in her time away (I’m in the minority but that's for another time), but I truly feel that it would have given Winter’s character much more legitimacy if she was the one having hook ups.

Like, Rika’s history makes sense given how the Crist family was controlling and manipulating her.

And Banks’ virginity can be played as more of a power move. She grew up around men who treated women like toys, constantly being reminded that there’s a thin line between her and them. Her choice not to let them have access to her body, even if she had found someone other than Kai, gives her autonomy. She has the lock and key, no one else, not even Damon. It works for her character and situation.

But Winter? She was so angry with Damon after the truth came out. Not to mention, he opened her up to experiences she didn’t have before, but were suddenly taken away from her. It would have made so much sense if she had gone out and tried to erase him, tried to replace him, tried to capture whatever it was she felt in his arms with someone else, only to discover that it doesn’t work. No one else can do what Damon does for her, and she hates herself for it. Him too.

Even if she’s a little ashamed of herself, because she’s coming out of this “purity cultural” mindset, it’s fine. If she had multiple partners before her second chance with Damon, her knowing that it he’s the only one that she “works��� with makes a lot more sense plot-wise. They’re messed up, but they’re messed up in similar ways, and that’s why it can’t be anyone else. Maybe that would have given Winter a bit more substance as a character, outside of being Damon’s soother. But what do you think?

and another thing that i wanna touch on: purity culture of this series.

You asked if I noticed it, and to be honest, on my first read, I didn’t. But this leads into another idea I’ve been thinking about lately, which is mostly unrelated except for the way my mind connected them.

I’ve watched a few youtube videos on how booktok and the like are promoting books, and why some of those books are just not good despite all the hype. And one person (can’t remember which video, but I’m sure this is not their opinion alone), suggested that part of the problem is the tropification of books.

Now, this doesn’t bother me. Knowing the tropes of books will get me to read the summary and then I decide from there. But that’s because I was raised on fanfiction. I didn’t have a lot of money growing up, and the library was not always easy to get to. But fanfiction was free and at my computer, and easy to access. Which means I was also exposed to all of the terms and phrases frequently used in dark romance (along with a lot of other obvious signs of lazy and cheap writing) and learned to ignore.

So the popularizing of features you’d normally only see if fanfiction/fandom spaces makes sense, because the people who were in fandom spaces when I was a teenager are now adults with money who decide what’s popular and what’s not; and therefore what gets published and picked up (and this isn't anything new, really. I think a bigger part of this is just that it's the natural evolution of the bodice rippers from years past).

And putting these thoughts together, I realized I read DN as if it were a mid-tier fanfic. I think it was written about as well a fanfic. Not that it was once FF and then turned into original fiction, like so many today. Just that it has the same level of skill and editing quality as a really good but not great, fanfic. That may be why I’m not as angry as other readers? And also why a lot of the more problematic issues went over my head? It’s the same things you overlooked to get some decently written work on ffn or ao3. Sometimes, you just had to put on your “no thoughts; just here for a good time” helmet and go.

I could be completely off on this. It’s a new idea I haven’t fully worked through, but might possibly have some merit.

That being said, it was very popular when I was a teenager – and given how hyped books with these features are today, I’m sure still is – to have a oversized, brooding, sometimes bloody MLI be totally whipped for the good girl, never seen a naked man without blushing, “he's going to ruin me and I'm going to let him,” FLI. Later, readers started calling for more empowered female characters. And some writers understood the assignment and some didn’t. PD seems to have tried to combined the two, with less than effective results.

And this goes back to my point about Winter. It’s not that this idea of “purity” doesn’t have its place, it’s how it’s used and what it says about the characters who are using it.

If Banks was a virgin by choice well into her 20s, good for her. That's a power move.

If Damon had to let go of this idea that Winter was only meant for him, of this “pure as freshly fallen snow”, and to see her worth despite it, it would have been good development.

But I think we both know that Banks being a virgin and Damon having those thoughts about Winter were not meant for character but because that’s what some readers find hot. Which is why it’s one, not enjoyable for all; and two, went straight over my head. What other people find hot has nothing to do with me. I’m still here for the character development (that never happened! I’m clearly madder about that).

But pd has never had a talent to write good female relationships either, her birthday girl book and fall away series are always fmcs fighting and putting other women down.

I tried reading bully but I don’t remember much from it. But to your point, I don’t understand why PD seems to always want women to fight, as if that’s the way to show their empowered. Like above, when readers started calling for stronger female characters, some writers took that to mean they wanted physically strong characters – which in some cases is legitimate. But it was soon made clear that that’s not what was asked for.

It seems that PD only finds female characters interesting if they’re willing to physically fight another woman because that shows…? Actually, I’m unclear what it shows, exactly. I would have loved if the girls in this story weren’t copy/paste versions of one another; if the things that made them strong was different and yet just as valid.

For example, if it was Rika’s capacity for forgiveness tempered with her growing backbone and refusal to be treated like a doormat was emphasized as what made her strong, and not her fencing/martial arts/willingness to hurt others.

If Winter had unmatched mental fortitude. I mean, come on, the girl still dances after going blind. She has resiliency. Why is she so weak when Damon’s not around? Why does she need Damon to tell her to raise her voice.

If Emory’s emphasized strength was her kindness despite her suffering, and not her ability to walk away from good things and endure massive amounts pain, which we see is mostly physical.

Again, for the most part, those are all good qualities, but usually it’s only the physical strength and willingness to use it that’s emphasized more than any other trait. And ruins them because them you have to make them be angry enough to physically fight, or want to, when these girls should be supporting each other.

I left Banks out above because her being able to physically fight is one of her more important features, and should be allowed to shine through. If the other girl’s abilities were scaled back, Banks being able to do what she does, having learned how to survive in Gabriel’s house, would have just been more outstanding.

It just goes back to having good female relationships means having a variety of women and a love of different types of personalities. I’m struggling to see PD truly enjoying characters, and more enjoying just certain plots and character traits. I think one thing that is clear is that PD is not the writer for me. Which is fine.

Maybe this was why alex was mad at emmy, among many other possible reasons than jealousy? Because emmy was her first female friend in the group who didnt start her relationship with alex being shit or judging to her from the start? And after everything still good to her? Because shes not to sincerely supportive female friendship like this? Or am i reaching?

It doesn’t really matter if you’re reaching, you’re in a fandom space now. Run with it!

I like the idea that Alex and Emmy’s relationship is unique because Emmy was the first girl to not judge her (and of all the girls, Emmy has the biggest reason to, but because she’s Emmy, all she wants if for Will to be happy). It would have been great if we could have seen Alex struggling with wanting to be Emory’s friend because of the kindness shown her, and wanting to protect Will from further hurt, which only Emmy had the ability to do. Alex wanting to be friends with both, but having to pick one because they’re on opposite sides of an issue is a real problem.

But there’s some arguing that idea because Alex left Emory exposed, and then said it’s partly because she wanted to see Emory and Will interacted. What were they, her little experiment?

There were a lot of ways that the Alex/Emory/Will issue could have been played that would have address their real issues without pitting Alex and Emory against each other the way they were, but then PD seems to love it when the girls fight, then kiss and make up.

Cant pd write just one book with fmc who's not a pure virgin with big bad sccary guy who treats her like shit?

Doesn’t PD’s new series feature this? Someone else will have to check, but I’m pretty sure. But I can’t vouch for how the mc treats the fmc.

pd had the time to make up that Aaron Palmer Fane name for Rika's baby, combining alex and will's name, and the middle name of Torrin….

This is not something I’ve discussed before but I hate PDs naming trend. What is the obsession with Fane?

Madden? Cool. Jett, nice. Indie? Would have loved if her middle name was actually Jones, because that would have been sooooo Willemmy, but I’m still hoping (stupidly) that Aspen has some real inspiration and not that they opened up a baby name book and picked the first name they saw.

But are we really surprised that the most thought when into how Rika and Damon named their kids?

Aaron Palmer – isn’t that a drink…wait, no. that’s Arnold Palmer.

Athos? An eight-year-old named herself after one of the three musketeers and where supposed to think that's cool and not totally contrived (and am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that Athos being eight technically means she was born when Rika was sixteen, which is when Corrupt first takes place…which kinda means that Michael and Rika sort of retroactively become teenage parents, as if Michael hadn’t let Rika leave that night? Like I wouldn’t be surprised if it was revealed that Athos’ birthday is in July - nine months after devil’s night.).

Dag??? Take Damon’s ability to name things away from him.

She shoudve hyped up emmy from the start in every single book. For one fact about alex, give emmy 3-4 extras.

Absolutely!!! That's so real. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but Emory should have haunted Will the entire series. One hint in each book was not enough to sell how bad Will was truly affected by her. And if we had been given more hints, I think the shipping war probably wouldn’t have been so bad. Overall, we just needed more of Emmy’s presence throughout the series, even if she wasn’t on the page, to be really hyped for Willemmy.  

The way the idea of reading Nightfall and then going back through the series and seeing where Will was most affected by her grips me, and we never got that. ugghgh.

another thing, i read on goodreads/ pd's website that the characters' birthdate were never something that she thought too much off until the story got published them and fans asked for them.

Please don’t get me started on the birthdays/timeline. I’ve been through enough.

Idk, if i thinkabout all the way pd messed up hideaway and banks character, that'll be a whole other long rant that nobody probably gaf about, but me.

I can name like two or three blogs that would love to hear your rant. Come on, don't keep them to yourself. Share.

Idk but i think people who are still in the fandom are tough readers, because after my anger subside, i think i wont be touching this series again for real, these characters, these books, these stories and this author just make me angry!!! How do yall stay sane here.

Too true. Like I said above, I wasn’t as angry as a lot of other readers, but I mourned the lost potential. I kept reading because of Emmy, and high (too high) expectations for what this could turn into and it never went in that direction.

The mourning led to ranting with a friend, which led to me writing fics to answer the questions I had and fill in the gaps, and try to capture some of that potential. But otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. The asks keep me around. The games fill in the time between the asks, and honestly, to try and help make some of it a little better. It’s fun to play with the idealized versions of the characters in my head. This is actually a great group dynamic and if PD would let them be friends instead of trying to find away that everyone can sleep with everyone despite the fact they made their favs related, I think we could have some fun.

There are good things here, and I believe one day a talented enough artist or writer will come along and tap on that potential. Until then, we keep trying to find the joy in what’s left.

Your fanfics are one of the reason i like willemmy in an au. No but seriously, theyre so fun to read! I really appreciate the fanfics you put out for free, and all the games and fan things you do on your blogs! And unexpectedly, i didnt know i need that banks emmy hollow fic! Thank you for that female characters bonding 🥰

Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much! Hollow was definitely a response to the scene I warned you not to read, and while I know the characters aren’t perfect replicas of PD’s, I needed it too. Just happy they can bring some joy to others like they helped me.

Um.. I am horrible with recommendations. I tend to read and watch the same things over and over again. I don’t have a lot of time to read, so it takes me forever to get through things, and then I don’t remember books by their tropes; just how they made me feel. Which is why even badly written things stick with me if I enjoyed myself.

I understand if you have no intentions of touching this series again (you mentioned before how goodreads reviews were saying you just need to get through corrupt and hideaway to get to kill switch, which is so opposite of what I tell readers. If you can’t stand corrupt, quit while you’re ahead), but to catch any of the books or shows I’m into, you’d just have to hang around, unfortunately. No pressure, though. Move on to brighter places if DN talk just doesn’t work for you. Make your fandom places fun.

Thanks for coming back! And thank you for your thoughts. I enjoyed them.

[dexaroth]

tagged by @blyszczopies to answer questions and tag mutuals id like to get to know better :3 tag list is at the bottom!

⭐ Favorite color:

i honestly have had some 'color opinions' sloshing through my head for a while.. its complicated but you can rarely go wrong with these ones 👆 these are the ones I like the most! specially when combined together!

for favorites.. it depends a lot on how you use the colors and if they're alone or accompanied! some things look bad if they're just completely sky blue and such..

(putting this under a read more bc its a Very long post)

for the purposes of having an ultimate favorite color.. man i honestly don't know. it's a completely even match between purple and blue, though only the non-100% saturated shades of blue bc true blue is quite unbearable. I think the ultimate champion in questions of how many things can work with it would be blue. sometimes too much purple can be unbearable, but too much blue not so much

red Can be beautiful in many cases, but orange is simply superior between pure yellow and pure red. pure yellow specifically is literally unbearable for me. i hate it so much. for me to like a yellow it HAS to be going towards orange or its nothin'. lime green is super beautiful but pure green is also too much, and so is cyan. though the specific range of teal/green-blue can be nice, but it does not come close to lime green, instead it accents it quite nicely.

we don't talk about pink. or magenta. or any of its hideous nicknames. perish the thought!

⭐ Last song played: erm. well. you see, most of the music i have downloaded came from youtube. and quite a bit of them from compilations of songs all in one usually 30+ minute video..

the one currently playing is by Lauren Bousfield. i've tried searching for the - actually paragraph cancelled. i thought it was one of the comps by the pavor nocturnus1 channel but it turned out to be from some random other channel. i was having trouble identifying which song it was because it's a single audio file but it turns out the song currently in that queue to be playing is the song Cascading Retail Spaces!

i've had this album compilation downloaded since.. 2017! damn! and other albums of hers too. I don't know anything else about her though, but her music slaps :3

⭐ Currently reading: ah.. i dont read at all sorry 😭 does looking at the drawings from the morpho books series grant me any pity points perchance..

⭐Currently craving: WAFFLES!!!! GOD PLEASE!! and cookies..

^my cookie pile in project zomboid. can you tell?? (no waffles bc they're randomly found and not able to be baked like cookies..)

⭐Coffee or tea: neither soz.. i did try to enjoy coffee like 10 years ago but its just meh. tea as well, very boring. not counting the fact i have to load these suckers with sugar for them to even be worth drinking >.> but i suppose i'd choose tea over coffee simply due to variety and that some are naturally sweet :J

tagging: @moodycarcass @oxu @crazysodomite (maybe even u again timo if u wanna awnser my curious inquiries below.. muahaha)

additionally might i add my own questions... for funsies :33

favorite stone pattern:

favorite time of day:

favorite cloud pattern:

actually hm its quite hard to come up with somewhat potentially universal interesting questions. fuck. erm

FAVORITE ANIMAL!!! this question never disappoints. additionally favorite family of animals maybe?..

also from the makers of the best question ever above.. what's the silliest/weirdest animal off the top of your head?

last dumb mistake in a game?

last triumph in a game? (life cant all be losses afterall..!)

favorite clothing pattern?

worst + best texture(s) to feel?

and finally.. name one cool thing that happened this week. no matter how small. it is your duty now! commence!

actually i suppose it'd be weird to not awnser my own questions.. well here goes:

i like the one stone pattern that's a bunch of thin slabs slotted together. the ref image i have says its name is cliffstone/bluff stone! i also like the 'bavarian castle' one!

time of day: DUSK!!! MY LOVELY DUSK!!! though dawn is veeery nice as well. i used to be fonder of the night but dusk is just sooo niceys. dawn loses points for giving way to the boring middays though. but every time of day has its charm

cloud pattern; i actually dont know their names besides cummulonimbus..? lemme search..

according to this chart ive found on ddg. nimbus! i love gray skies and i love rain and i love fog. stratus and scuds are also nice

fav animal: erm.. got myself in my own question! i dont think i have a true favorite? i suppose ill go with jerboas.. as for the family. rodents of course. im the rodent mutual how could i not choose rodents! blasphemy!

silliest animal: off the top of my head? its a worm-like animal with a goofy face.. i thought it was legless lizards but that's not quite it.. i dont remember the name 😞

though there is a guy that's named worm lizard apparently.. oh such a foofy goofus

last dumb mistake in a game: most recently i was trying to go back to my base in a car in project zomboid and ran straight into a insane zombie crowd. the car got stuck in the grass bc it was loaded to the brim and i tried to move it backwards and let zombies approach me with the hope i'd run away from them on time, but it was not moving and then i panicked and stepped outside the car near a zombie with the sprint key enabled, bumped into the zombie, fell on the ground and by the time the get up animation started the zombie was already eating my guy. i was so mad

last triumph in a game: not much of a triumph but i got to fitness and stregth to lvl 6 in pz which are grindy time consuming skills to lup. but i have a base and crops and my coogieeees

favorite clothing pattern: i also dont know!! id say checkers that arent too busy or its derivatives. but also star/celestial patterns of course

^ from my fashion inspo folder

worst + best texture(s) to feel: i hate silk and those ones that are like a million little hairs that i dont know the name in english. best i suppose would be plush/cotton? i dont know their names either lol

and finally.. name one cool thing that happened this week: hmm. i suppose the nice sky i saw earlier today? though also one my af attacks has gotten a lot more notes than i expected. which is epic 💪🐁

[creampuffqueen]

soo if you dont mind me asking, do you know when or why you started coming to some kind of realizations that you were bi (or possibly lesbian)?

i have lived my entire life convinced im straight but after some things i realized that i may be bi. But i dont know. i dont think im a lesbian but i also know im not fully straight, you know?

please don't answer if this too personal or uncomfortable, i dont want you to answer anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. you can totally ignore it.

I saw your post about talking things through with your friend recently and i'm really happy you were able to have that open conversation with someone you trust about yourself, despite what your label or sexuality may be ❤️.

if you do choose to answer this, thank you in advance. i appreciate it.

of course i don't mind you asking!! honestly i'm very flattered and honored to be asked this as i'm certainly no expert on sexuality or anything like this, but it makes me happy that my blog is a safe and welcoming space for someone who has these kinds of questions!

so, here's sort of a quick and dirty rundown of my sexuality journey. (i ended up putting this under a cut because it got a bit long whoops).

for starters, i grew up in a christian household in a small, conservative town in the middle of nowhere texas. my parents are far from being fundamentalists or anything, but they just... never spoke about other sexualities. i didn't even know being gay was an OPTION until i was about 12.

in middle school, many of my friends began to discover/experiment with sexuality and gender labels. i never really did, i always felt content and comfortable with my attraction to boys. (or, due to recent realizations, my supposed attraction to boys. but we can touch on that later).

then, some time around when i was 12-13, i had an Experience that made me begin to question things a bit.

i was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday party, and after a long night of fun we all fell asleep in her living room in our sleeping bags. i was the first to wake up in the morning, and in order to not wake anyone else up, i stayed in my sleeping bag and played video games on my phone. at one point, another girl woke up, and since we were the only two awake, she came and sat next to me. i didn't know this girl too well, she was a mutual friend of the sleepover girl. but at one point, in order to better see what i was playing on my phone, she crawled inside the sleeping bag with me.

and i just remember feeling warm all over as she laid next to me. i was struck with the sudden desire to pull this girl close and cuddle with her. i don't remember anything else about that sleepover except this one moment early in the morning.

i went to school the next week and spoke about this with one of my friends who knew they were queer, saying that i thought i might have a crush on this girl and wondering if i could possibly be bisexual.

and... my friend told me that no, i didn't have a crush on this girl, i clearly just wanted to be Really Really Good Friends with her. obviously. comphet hits even the queer middle schoolers, apparently.

and so after that i was like 'okay then you're the expert! guess i don't like girls :)' and then literally didn't think about it for the next 2-3 years.

time jump to 15 year old Mal, stuck inside during the Covid Summer of 2020 with nothing to do. my brother and i decided to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender for the first time together to pass the time. i saw Suki on screen for the first time and felt something in me Change.

i've always had fictional crushes, you know? but nothing like this.

and as all well adjusted gen-z kids do, i made a bunch of memes about it. at first they were all jokes. just, 'lol, look how much i love this fictional character'.

but after a while i began to realize that i wasn't exactly joking anymore.

so there you have it folks, suki from avatar made me like girls.

but even after this realization, i still wasn't exactly comfortable with calling myself bisexual. i went by queer for a little while, before eventually settling on bisexual. now, ATLA was my first introduction to the world of animation. i began to watch a ton more animated shows after finishing it, and in all the shows i often found myself more drawn to the female characters than the males. don't get me wrong, i still enjoyed those characters, but i was OBSESSED with the girls.

and after i went back to school in person, i did begin to notice that what i originally thought was just wanting to be friends with girls was running a bit deeper than that. i had my first real girl crush (i stopped liking her after she trashed the legend of korra to my face though).

and that was my life for the last few years! i was very happy with being bisexual, and i am very lucky that i have such a supportive and accepting friend group. coming out to my friends was so easy and i've never been worried they wouldn't accept me, which is great.

and now, for what has led me to believe i might possibly be a lesbian.

i got my first boyfriend my senior year of high school. he was an absolutely wonderful guy. i've always been pretty 'picky' when it comes to men. i get crushes very easily but if a guy starts to reciprocate then they have to meet this high list of standards i have composed in my head. and this guy met them all.

by all accounts, i should have been SO happy. like i'm not even exaggerating when i say that this boy was basically perfect. he treated me so well. my friends and family adored him.

and yet, something just didn't feel right. i started to get very nervous about being alone with him. i started getting annoyed whenever he texted me. i started avoiding seeing him, avoiding having him come over. eventually it got to the point where i decided i just had to end things, because something was off with me and i didn't want to string him along when he deserved better. i broke up with him and didn't shed a single tear.

everyone was pretty confused, but eventually got over it. i thought that perhaps it was just a fluke. it was my first real relationship, maybe i was just nervous.

but then it happened again this year in college. i met a great guy on a dating app. we had fun together, he was really nice and respectful. we never made it official, but we spent enough time together it was basically a relationship. and then, again, when everything should have been going well i started feeling the same things as before. anxiety, annoyance, avoidance. i broke it off with him over text and felt relieved when it was finally over.

after that, i began to consider the possibility that i was never attracted to guys in the first place. i lost sleep over it, i was thinking so hard.

and then i thought to myself 'i don't think people who are attracted to guys have to think this hard about it'.

so since then, i've been entertaining the possibility that i might be a lesbian. it's still a journey, and i'm working on being okay with the in between stage i'm in. i don't want to put a definitive label on myself until i've been with a girl, which isn't something i've had the opportunity to do yet.

and that's sort of all the major events in my life that i've had in regards to my sexuality!

i hope this has been of some help to you, anon! i also just want to add in some reassurance as well. sexuality can be a complex thing, so don't feel the need to rush into a new label if you're not ready yet. everyone's journey is at their own pace, and you're not 'less' bisexual if this is something you've only recently discovered about yourself!

i wish you all the luck with your self-discovery, anon! and my inbox and dms are always open if you have more questions!

[oflgtfol]

Re; work situation, u absolutely aren't being weird or anything, that's sussy af

thank you all for the input and i also have found another update since i made that post!

so let me summarize why i dislike this man beyond this potential sexism or however else you'd label these bad vibes:

- he fired our replenishment manager. for reasons i cannot fully disclose bc A. im not supposed to know about it (im friends w the other managers so they told me anyway) B. i dont know much about it (as only the SM has the full picture and even my friend managers barely know anything) and C. trying to maintain some semblance of privacy. but she is indeed getting an attorney over it so its like serious

- (RM was the 30s year old woman who helped serve as a middleman between us early 20s women and the 50 yo male SM. additionally she literally ran the store, super responsible for keeping us neat and timely and organized. when she was fired we all said the store would fall apart without her - and guess what! it did. the store has been a fucking mess since only one month after she left)

- he never hired a new RM. instead he made the new full time assistant manager (22 year old woman) take on replenishment duties on top of her actual role-specific duties and refused to share the burden by taking on additional duties as well, taking serious advantage of her

- full time ASM almost dies from a stress related health emergency due to being overworked. SM shows no sympathy or concern for her. when ASM puts in her two weeks he declines it and is only worried about who will cover him for his vacation. because he declined her 2 weeks she just resigned immediately and good for her because she almost fucking died. so now we are down an RM and an ASM and only have two part time closing managers and the full time FM (who really only should be doing framing duties and nothing else) (and prior to this SM coming to our store we used to have a full time RM, ASM, FM, as well as 3-4 part time managers, 2-3 of which closed at night exclusively and 1-2 of which worked mostly mornings or were flexible between mornings and nights. so we’ve already been short on managers for like, all of 2023 - hence why the idea of me becoming a manager was brought up around christmas/new years, to become another part time manager. but i was never given an offer and that role was never filled!)

- being down all these managers finally pushes him to hire new ones

- he hires a new guy, and already has ambitious goals of making him the new RM... within five days of working here. that guy in the break room is now in the running for this position. after only being here for five days.

- and now today ive learned. SM is also going to hire… another man….. to replace the ASM. which is what i just found out after making that other post. like come on. this is weird right

so like hes already been a shitty person what with everything going on these past 2 months and even his condescending attitude overall for this entire duration here, but now the extra layer of bringing in all these men in general, but specifically to replace the hard working, responsible, overworked, and overall well liked female managers, with random ass men who none of us ever met before, especially after pushing out said female managers one way or the other (direct firing, and almost indirectly killing), its just like. Again the pushing out of those managers was already bad enough but now the fact theyre being replaced with these random ass men, like, its already bad enough that the dynamic in this store is changing due to these well liked managers leaving, but then to go as far as to change the dynamic by bringing in all these men into a long, looooong time female-dominated store, its just. Like. aegh

[askmymylittleponyocs]

Updates!! + New content coming

Hello everyone and if you are new here, Hi hello! Welcome to my MLP Ask blog. For those who've been following me, welcome back and yeah its- been a long time...aha- yeah I got explaining to do.

if you guys haven't been following me outside of the blog on other platforms I am on such as Deviantart, twitter and other places..Well giving you guys some updates on why I have been absent as of late.

First and foremost, I still will forever love MLP and nothing will make me leave the community let alone the fandom entirely. I already came to the terms there will be bad apples in any community no matter what and the best way to combat that- ignore and block if needed. I wont let them control my love for the fandom and community, and neither should anyone else. If I genuially 100% feel disconnected and feel I'll never come back to the fandom then yeah i'll close the chapter and leave. However I aint going nowhere. I still enjoy MLP as a whole especially when I have some few ideas in mind for my ocs even for my own next gen MLP series.

So firstly to get it out of the way, I have been busy with offline personal stuff. last few months have been extremely dreadful, stressful and my depression has hit me like a bullet train where I just don't want to feel or do anything. It was at its worst with loss of friends and many factors. even having to end a relationship due to we both couldn't agree on living situations. which sucks and extremely heartbreaking...

I also am a streamer, vtuber really because vtubing is extremely fun to me. I have taken a break from it since stuff went down back in june/july and came back within in september. I am still strictly giving myself 3 days of streaming until I know im 100% ready to tackle full weeks again. [Until i finally find work and see what the schedule shall be.]. My only job is commission works, just not stable due to I dont get them that much and I don't have anyone joining my memberships to help support my content which I aint complaining, i rather people join if they want to. not because they "have" to. Especially choose to join to get the lil perks and rewards.

So been just rather busy and meant to make a post sooner. Now to the MLP Ask Blog related discussion - I have A LOT of ocs still from MLP on my toyhouse I am still working on and a handful of them you guys might recognized. Alot of them are getting updates, some are getting redesigned. I want to properly flesh them all out within the universe and what fits for my stories. Plus fun lil art answers from anyone who got any questions they wanna ask. WHICH- I am making a POST showcasing all of my ocs that you guys can ask questions with Links to their Toyhouse since that is 100% where all their information is about them and further more. Even AU's too.

Also Will say one of my ocs I am working on more-so with backstory wise is this gal here. Remember these two duo mares, Sweet Delight and Rose?:

Yeah so the story is complicated but so far I do want to make a story about them as a whole since originally in the past - sweet delight had a "second conscious" or "second personality" but I decided what if a Entity of sorts from one Unicorn who delved into dark magic and spells accidently got cursed into a baby unicorn and needed to find a way to get free from this spell? Something like that? Sweet knows Rose as long as she can literally remember, she was abandoned as a young foal for no reasons. Which will leave everyone to wonder how it mayhaps happen. I definitally want to make a series with her and mayhaps certain characters from the shows be involved because I would think the mane 6 would get involved into this mess themselves.

Speaking of the mane 6- I am gonna do a Virus Infection AU myself but there is going to be TWO of them. one being a original idea I quickly thought on calling it either Monarch Virus [monarch butterfly] or just Butterfly Virus. Name in progress. I want something butterfly related. And then one I decided to do base on an item within the canon show - zap apples. So the Zap apple infection. I have not seen anyone do it yet and if there IS someone out there that has, I am taking mine as this is my own interpretation of the zap apple infection while they got their own take in it. Its for fun and I do got some spooky doodles to share eventually.

Now last thing before I skidaddle to work on some stuff, I will be currently at this time updating the MLP Ask Blog page itself with new tags and a detail tag. I've been making my own pages on the "detail tag" page list for those who come across the blog page and want to see all the tags I have thats avalible for you guys to check out and see. Since I can only share a limit amount of tags on the blog itself, this will make it 100% easier to see everything. Tags for my mlp stories , tags for characters you wanna see art and answers from with the questions, etc. :3

If anyone has any questions They like to ask any of my ocs, I can link you guys to my toyhouse with the characters I still have that you guys can check out and pick who you want to ask questions of. Just know that there will be an official pinned post with pictures of the ocs and link to their profiles on its own post thats coming soon. Got any questions to ask me officially just let me know that your question is directed at me , the creator.

Any questions you got for my ocs just let me know who exactly you want to ask questions towards to with their name.

my ocs are located, again in my toyhouse here! Do be warned that their profiles are 100% not ready yet at the time of this post is created. when I make an official pinned post thats when their profiles be up to date entirely. for now this is what I got for them.

Thank you all for taking the time to read if you have and I'll share some mlp works when I do. Hope everyone is having a good week!

[pastramimommy]

8/6/24

I have been at home and funemployed for a few weeks now. It has been lovely to have some carefree timelessness with family and friends. Aimee's birthday, seeing Lindsey's family, going out with Beau and Michelle, etc. But yesterday was the first day I felt kind of antsy due to my joblessness and lack of structure. I feel a sense of urgency to get a job so i can figure out where i am going to move, but in reality I've allotted myself at least a few months to recuperate my financial losses so why am I in such a rush?! I really do have such a hard time relaxing. And I've just been waiting on this one VA job, but I am working on trusting that the right job will come, and it may not be the first one. I also need to really leverage all this free time for the next month before school starts. I will literally never have free time like this again. ever lol. I want to take this time to make progress on pole/calisthenics/flexibility, as well as self care practices. I gave myself some leeway on reading and embroidery the last few months so it's time to pick that back up.

I really enjoyed going to church with maxine and i will probably end up going there regularly while i'm in the area. it has been challenging to maintain my morning routine/reflection while I'm home but I've been focusing on getting that done even if it isn't the first thing i do every day.

Dating and meeting people has been a damn good time lol I am truly enjoying myself. I had one date with someone actual potential but i am sensing myself being a little reserved about it. I don't feel as head over heels as I usually do and I can't tell if it's because I feel eh about him or I'm not ready to seriously date one person. or am i just too lazy to talk to people consistently? because i know that is true lol it's all very interesting. Either way, my goal is to not do anything with a person that I am seriously considering for at least one month so i dont get attached or my decision making is not clouded. because these hormones off birth control are something else. especially off the alcohol lmfao.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent / personal / s.i. / sh mention / long post / extremely negative dont read

I rly wanna fucking stop existing man life is too fucking hard I cant do this shit

My grandpa basically blamed me for the house's electricity usage when i literally only used my computer for one week last month and like 2 days this month. Anything else this month has just been phone charging or running my 2 small aquariums. Idk why i have to take the blame for that just because im a young person when my grandpa literally has been using large machinery in the garage and we rent out our guest house which has an a/c unit running ALL the time (our house does not have a/c or any internal system. Utilities are included in the guest house we rent so we pay for that person to stay cool while we sweat over here lmao.)

Ive been suffering for weeks in the 90-100 degree weather with no fan because my bathroom flooded due to grandpa installing the wrong fixture in my toilet (i literally only needed to replace the flap which required no disconnections! But he insisted, and now my only clean fan has been stuck in my bathroom with the window open letting in all the heat). Like. I enjoy the heat. Im fine with no ac. I tolerate it fine. But i need an occasional few minutes of being in the fan if the windows have been letting in all the heat. Normally id keep my blinds closed and the shower curtain closed so the heat doesnt get extreme but because i need to air out the bathroom i cant do that ((Literally when i lived in nyc w no ac, i would just go out to the living room and turn a/c on for like 1 minute while i stand in front of it, and then off again and i was fine for the rest of the night, i cant sleep with ac or a fan on or else i get hypothermic - i actually started getting hypothermic the other night because my blankets fell off the bed on a cooler night, it sucked lol))

Im so sick of having to wear shoes in my bathroom due to the carpet being pulled back, its uncomfortable to traverse that mess while having an injured back. Im sick of all the wildfire ash thats poured into my bathroom and probably my room too. (I had JUST changed my last air filter the day before the fire started lmao probably used up the whole thing already, i never got to keep my clean air room i had just started).

I had to deep clean the kitchen and deep vacuum the entire house with my back thats been injured since MAY since grandpa wont clean up after himself, and apparently my mom has also not been cleaning for years in her room (and my mom has the nerve to judge me for having a clean but cluttered room! Its her fault its cluttered because im not allowed to have anything of mine except food downstairs!). I havent been able to get treatment for my back because my mom has the only car and shes been out of town for the past month+.

Im fucking scared as fuck because i couldnt get ahold of a doctors office for a prescription for my endo and so now ive been having to take the leftovers i had of a lower dose. I live in a dead zone so a lot of the time i cant make phonecalls, idk if the issue was my end or the doctors and im just too stressed to try again bc if i think ab endo im gonna have a mental breakdown, its already bad enough having EXTREME phone anxiety due to not being able to understand people when they talk especially over a garbled phone connection. Im supposed to quit this med at the end of the month and idk how im gonna survive. I might not. I was completely su// ici// dal during the last couple flare ups. Endo is incurable and apparently im resistant to medication and surgical treatment. So its untreatable for me too.

Then theres my whole depression. This just fucking kicked off a really terrible mood swing and ive been like crying and moping in bed for hours trying NOT to think about where i know the things i used to s.h. before are packed. Bc that hasnt ever stopped being on my fucking mind since before i even started as a teen lmao. I cant stop thinking about how im existing against my will. Theres just no good way to die. Id feel guilty too because of how expensive my jaw treatments are and i havent even finished.

Speaking of, my jaw is still fucked and not getting any better lmao. Im in constant pain and headaches because of the aligners on my teeth. Im making myself sick from eating depression foods because by the time i take the things off my teeth to eat and drink, my mouth hurts, my jaw hurts, my head hurts, my tummy hurts, and after i eat anything i feel sick and tired and lightheaded from not being able to snack or drink when i want at my own pace, and then suddenly having to eat a whole meals worth of food in one sitting. (Not that i do that lmao ive been eating really lightly bc i am not physically up to the task of cooking or eating anything. I CAN cook. Just not physically, or mentally any more). So ive been eating terribly within my already limited diet. (And my jaw wont stop popping and cracking painfully every time i chew anything which is so humiliating and frustrating and painful and i cant eat a lot of foods i used to.)

There just too much going on all at once and im fucking sick of everything. I was already at my fucking limit before my mom fucked off to do pet sitting for a relative and went back on her word that she'd bring the dog to stay at our house. Which means ive gone since May without treatment for my back except for the chiropractor i see right after my therapy appointment. Which i dont think is doing enough. I dont know what more can be done when i constantly have to do back breaking things around the house. And when i told my mom ab how im not able to get the care i need because of her leaving, she turned it on me and said it was my fault for not making an appointment. Fucking gaslighting asshole. How the fuck am i supposed to get to an appointment 30-40 minutes away when i dont have the car? (Because theres no where local that will take my insurance, and i dont think even the places 30-40 minutes away will take it either.)

I dont know how anyone manages to live. Just existing is constant pain due to fibromyalgia and arthritis. Its constant hypervigilance and fear from the endo. Its extreme treatment-resistant depression (i fucking wish antidepressants worked on me lmao but that was the most miserable 5 years of my life trying every class of them). Its gender dysphoria and i cant transition because i cant work or live independently (its not safe for me to come out or transition while living in grandpas house hed kick me out). Its loneliness because i have like 2 friends i occasionally talk to online but no one close and were not on the same circles even, not like i even have a stable internet connection to do anything more than just over messaging. I dont have the mental energy to be friends w anyone either bc i have nothing to offer. Existing while alive is a full time job with no pay or benefits. I dont even know anyone irl thats not relatives (im not close with anyone in my family at all) or a doctor. I dont have a license or car because family wouldnt let me practise when i did have permits and i certainly can't afford the $12k a year it costs to own a car in Cali, let alone to purchase one. I cant work but im not disabled enough to be legally disabled. Certainly wouldnt be able to afford to live in this area/county even if i could do some work beyond an occasional online resale, which sucks because this is where my tribe is and i just wish this area was a better fit for me. Just doing things around the house is what caused my back to go out in the first place and now its a chronic fucking issue, and i can barely walk to the mailbox or do grocery shopping. Its not safe for me to live alone either, probably, even tho i cant handle living with roommates because im too asocial for them.

Im so sick of everything. Why do i have to be blamed for the electricity. Im an artist and apparently using the skills i spent 4 years learning at college and countless hours improving on my own is using too much electricity if i turn on my computer to participate in a week of a drawing challenge. What if i had a fucking work from home job?? (Not like that would ever happen, grandpa wouldnt choose the cheaper and faster internet plan i told him to go with and instead chose a more expensive plan with a different company that has a data cap, so now it sucks for no reason other than that he doesnt want to take advice from either a woman or a young person! [Im not a woman but he doesnt know that]). I cant even try to apply for any kind of work from home job bc of the internet. Its hard enough trying to make a call over data, having to put it on speakerphone and reach my phone against my room window while i lean over the counter. I was already unemployed before the pandemic due to the same mental health issues i havent stopped suffering from.

I wish that i wanted to live and do better for myself but whats the fucking point any more. I dont even want to live. I have no fucking reason to. At all. Im only alive bc there's no good way to die. Every day i think about how much i wish i didnt exist. It sucks and theres no fucking treatment that works. Therapy probably helps but its not making improvements for me when there are too many things out of my control making my life completely fucking miserable, its just damage reduction at this point.

I even exercise. Often. Despite the pain in my back and everywhere else. It does not help when i have fibromyalgia. Im in extreme pain even with the lightest exercise. But ive been exercising since the last endo flare up in fucking march in the hopes itll make my next endo flare up a little less worse if im stronger. Who knows if its working. Guess ill find out after the end of this month. God im so fucking scared.

I dont want to do anything rn im just so fucking miserable. But now my room is heating up since its the end of the day and im sweating too much to keep lying in bed being miserable. Idk what im gonna do. Besides ignore the ideation and knowledge about where my sharp objects are. I was working on sewing but i lost steam because of grandpa blaming me for the electricity sending me down a spiral. As if im not already doing enough cleaning up the whole fucking house and trying to prevent mold growth from the leak he caused and then laughed it off and wouldnt help me move (not my) furniture to prevent water damage.

Fuck i still have to measure the carpet padding so i can buy more later. At least the carpet itself is safe. Its getting dark out and i threw that padding shit outside and forgot about it last week so i dont wanna deal with measuring that right now. Ugh.

What do i even do when im too fucking depressed to do anything at all?? No one fucking prepares you for how fucking miserable being alive actually is.

[alexstorm]

All the other things you've mentioned happened after she became famous which is partly due to her highly publicised relationship with Alex Turner. If you just drop in because my blog showed up in the Alexa tag you might wanna read my tags here first before getting all upset. The things you've said have already been discussed here for years. She was hardly known outside the UK before she got with Alex. I know because I was there during that time. She worked that relationship so hard. She also had several failed TV programmes. That girl got where she is today certainly not with talent but connections. She doesn't get invited to the Met Gala on her own anymore. She's not relevant enough for that anymore. It's either her friend Derek Blowberg or someone else she asks for invites. I seriously doubt Anna Wintour cares about her. // Actually I found your blog through amtwt, as im a huge fan of Alex’s music, and i’ve been binge reading it for the past 2 weeks since i’ve been sick, in bed & bored and i’ve read most of the gfs tags. As much as i agree with your opinions about Louise or Taylor, I think the Alexa slander is uncalled for and unsubstantiated. First of all to become famous and to stay famous is two different things. Look at Taylor, that relationship ended only 5 years ago, everyone knew who she was at that time, now some of the AM less-into-drama fans dont remember her. Even if Alexa’s highly publicised relationship with Alex contributed to her “It girl status” (whatever that means) I dont believe Alex had any influence on her getting those campaigns, editorials. It was mostly her style, which was classy, but fun, girly but comfortable and something that was admired and copied by many long after their relationship. Even though she quit modeling quite fast and doesnt talk about that much, her opinions on fashion and related subjects are actually really interesting, thats why Vogue still asks her to conduct interviews, bc she actually knows what questions to ask to make the conversation fun but also of substance, which is rare in modern journalism. Also I’m sorry, but I was also there, and while Alexa wasnt known much outside the UK, so was AM at that time. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it wasnt until they’ve released AM that they became popular in US and also some parts of Europe. Im from Poland (eastern Europe) and I remember how everyone discovered them through that very album. So dont try to make it look like big shot Alex dates nobody Alexa and somehow she starts to get invitations to worlds most important fashion events only because of that relationship. Also the publicity not only helped her being more recognized, but vice versa. AM got a huge wave of new fans since Alex started dating someone who works in TV, does interviews for radio stations. Like the one that she had with Matt & Jamie (?i think) where they finally didnt mumble and stutter, but were actually relaxed, open and comunicative. You may think she was toxic, selfish, whatever. But to reduce her whole career to the guy she dated long ago is so anti women.

Sorry but not true that the Monkeys only became famous in Europe with AM. Simply not true. I'm a fan since the first album so how have I heard about them if they weren't happening anywhere outside the UK? AM made them famous in the US but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm also pretty sure they were well known in South America before AM. You do the same thing with the band what you accuse me of with Alexa - reducing their success to one album.

I also never said that her whole career was solely due to her relationship with Alex. I said that she knew how to milk her relationship to make the little she had to offer grow bigger. The name she became due to the relationship with him wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been dating him. She literally gets worshipped for having been in THE indie couple of the late 2000s. So how has that anything to do with fashion? She is certainly PR savvy and has one of the best publicists in the business. That's what makes her stay relevant. She writes for British Vogue and British Financial Times. She's riding on that early "success" in the UK but nobody outside the country is asking for her. Why did she get dropped from Next In Fashion if she has so much substance and brings so much to the table? Her personality doesn't seem to work outside her own country. At least not on TV.

Saying whatever to her It girl status is funny given she literally published a book called IT. She knew what she was and that's why she wants to get away from that label now.

I'm really tired of having to repeat all this. I have nothing to add but what's already in the tags so I'm done here. I really don't care that much about her.

[etherical-angel]

been in a depression(due to my brain having depression) lately.....not goooddddd😇

i think most of it comes from just succumbing to my beliefs of 'everything is hopeless, choose pleasure over effort' as a way of control yknow. its weird, since im aware that the 'effort'(doing chores and selfcare) is what life is about, and that it will lead to betterness. but my brain sees it as like....participating in a game i dont agree with. and that i should play my own instead(laying in bed and daydreaming -> giving happy chemicals). ive done a bit of drawing, but most have just been with the motivation that im drawing to impress someone else. which is better than nothing ig. theres so much more i want to be doing, and i just think that i'd be more able to do it if my room was clean. probably. i havent unpacked yet and my floor is covered in clothes and i need to do laundry. and i think its been over a week since i bathed(my hair is RAPIDLY falling out and i cant tell if its more than normal or just due to not washing it...). idk, hard to keep track of the days.

i have a doctors appointment on thursday finally, and my head still hurts, but thankfully my anxiety over it has moved on(i no longer careeeee).

whatever back to the vent -> its the frustration that no matter how many times i try, i always return to This. it clouds being able to see a future that i want, and fuels my suicidal beliefs. knowing that i can do anything if i just put in the Effort, knowing its logically all my fault, knowing that im alone in this. i dont have someone i can just ask to help clean my room, someone to ask to help me do creative things, someone to ask to just help me cuz i. dont know how to ask. or what to ask for. ig this is why ive just craved a lover so bad, since i think theyd wordlessly know what to do. i wouldnt have to ask and i wouldnt have to know, theyd just do it. and i'd feel ok. i also know this is literally what caretaker alters are for, and one will come out eventually, but i cant just force it. especially when we're currently so convinced of hopelessness n despair. like literally the whole point of DID is so that someone else can do this shit, and we cant even do that properly....i feel like im so close to just snapping out of it tho. like im just missing some small realization and itll click into place. like its already there in my brain but theres a blockage keeping it from surfacing. ive been better before, i just keep forgetting what made me think that way. and how it was that i was viewing things. maybe if i listen to the right music and just try to focus on remembering, try really hard to let the urges go, think about how good life could be(despite the world n my body not being ideal) if i just saw things in a positive light, and try to view being positive as not a way of losing control..maybe i could force a switch. if i could get a balence of being aware of how horrible everything is, but also knowing that being positive and doing Effort is also fighting the system just as much.

anyway heres some pics i took a couple days ago👇👇👇👇👇