#also i don't think this is entirely reflective of the human condition

[liberifatalis]

i understand all the older og fans who are annoyed that a lot has been revealed about sephiroth's past. i really do. a mysterious villain, if done well, is super effective, and in the og the hints at a somewhat normal but slightly traumatic past is what made sephiroth very compelling.

and yes, ever crisis may very well be fanservice. but who fucking cares.

but a lot of the claims from angry fans that sephiroth's backstory is unrealistic or it ruins his character is so unfounded imo :/

a traumatic past does not take away from a compelling, mysterious villain. a backstory that lays out the situations that influenced a villain to become 'the bad guy' does not make him less of a villain, nor does it ruin his character. many mainline final fantasy games have shown the backstory of their villains — kuja got one, kefka got one, so why not sephiroth? why not expand on things that we already technically know from existing canon lore?

i don't think this is an attempt to make sephiroth a stereotypical, trope-y 'tragic villain'. i don't think it's an attempt to distract us from the atrocities he's committed. i think it's more to see the human in the monster, and to symbolise just how pervasive and destructive shinra is.

if you've watched the boys, you will see many similarities (and of course differences) between sephiroth and homelander, and shinra and vaught. both sephiroth and homelander were pawns of shinra/vaught from the beginning, literally created to be weapons and objects for their organisations. both are manufactured, sort of humans. both were lied to about their origins, both were 'lab rat kids', both had childhoods devoid of what all childhoods should be. manufactured monsters. they are both results of their environment.

and yet, they both are irredeemable in the end, regardless of the fact they were forced on a path they had no say in. AND fans of the boys weren't fucking foaming at the mouth because homelander got a backstory. none of us thought it ruined his character. we all still see him as a man too far gone. why are ff7 fans like this.

i'm not too sure if square will change things up in rebirth and the final game, maybeeee they'll give sephiroth a redemption arc, i'm not sure, but fans are speculating. i don't think they will. but either way, based on the current canon timeline, he isn't redeemable. he's turned into a monster, and he now has the complete opposite of a normal life which is what he wanted as a child.

i also feel like he encapsulates the sort of madness and entitled viewpoint that only a human being, and male villain could possess. and this isn't to take away from his character and it isn't a diss. it isn't a diss at men either. but i think it's extremely realistic. if we think of current society, how men are socialised, they are socialised to believe they have an inherent uniqueness, something special — an inflated ego. and tbh, i think if we look deeper, i think in a lot of western, individualistic societies, this also transfers to everyone, not just men. sephiroth admitted he always thought he was special ("i knew, ever since i was a child, i was not like the others. i knew mine was a special existence. but this… this was not what i meant") and different from the rest. i think this dialogue, while heartbreaking, really does show an insight into his inflated ego. and i personally believe that his ego, his entitlement, was borne of utter loneliness and isolation. what else could give him comfort, other than believing in this idea that he was of a special existence?

while sephiroth turned into a monster, i feel like he is so incredibly reflective of the human condition (or, at least, a facet of the human condition), which to me, is what makes him such a compelling yet tragic character/villain.

who and what else, but a human being, a man, to think the world owes them something, to think they are entitled to justice in the form of suffering and destruction? to think that everyone is deserving of pain all because he was objected to it? to think they can take and take and take some more? to act in a rage so strong that it is no longer blind, but calculating, intentional, thoughtful and nearly prophetic?

who and what else on this earth could be so utterly consumed by emotion to the point of complete destruction? THAT is a facet of humanity, or maybe it's a facet of a lack of it; of the human condition. sephiroth, the monster, the manufactured monster, the one who was of a special existence, the one who is not like the rest...ends up acting in a way that only a human being would be able to. the irony. he doesn't even see it!

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[austajunk]

Okay, on a second playthrough of Rain Code and I really got a better look at Martina's mindset in general.

I honestly forgot how genuinely power hungry and downright diabolical she is. It's honestly mesmerizing how into her power trip she is during Chapter Two's case. She's so confident, she even licks an open jar of poison just to make a point that it's expired.

Now the reason why I don't recall her power trip and destructive, cruel nature was because it was all wiped away as soon as Yomi ordered her executed for making him look bad. In a second, Martina's terrified and pathetic and in the same way as Seth Burroughs, her fate left unknown to the viewer until Chapter Four.

It makes me think about how police forces are pretty much conditioned and told to go buck wild, to show no mercy, to enact cruelty and subjugation on civilians until they get their way. They get off on it. It's a power trip. Anyone who tries to show restraint on the force is routinely harassed until they quit or find themselves in trouble.

And this is what I really like about Martina as a character. There just isn't any excuse for her. She wanted power and control. She enjoyed it. Being an Amaterasu Peacekeeper gave her a way to enact power over others. Kissing up to Yomi, who I'm pretty sure her "love" and "adoration" for was quite shallow, gave her power and control. And it's addicting. It feels good.

Until she realizes that it's an illusion and someone like Yomi is just using her till he's done with her. She thought she endeared herself to him so much that she wasn't disposable like everyone else in Kanai Ward. But it isn't true and Yomi can just quite literally smash her up into a cube without a problem.

The next time we see Martina, she has undergone a lot of change. A near-death painful execution scare definitely pry your eyes open with a wrench and make you take a look at just how cruel you have been as well as the system you propped up.

She's self-reflective enough to the point that she tells Makoto she will resign from the Peacekeepers even though he says she doesn't have to (which is great in itself because it's powerful that Makoto stepping aside to let her make that choice *herself*). Martina orders the arrest on Yomi, but it's more than just sweet payback. She puts forward the example that criminals are human beings and meant to be treated with equality, fairness and respect. And it makes Yomi scream and lose his goddamn mind.

But more than that, Martina knows she isn't done with atoning, quits the Peacekeepers, and is aiding in rebuilding Kanai Ward. She gains autonomy and lets power go to become a better person.

And I loved every second of this arc. My only wish is that there were more moments of it... like maybe we could have seen her when Makoto stopped her execution because that would have been at her lowest. But as it stands, I knew there was always a reason why I adored and LOVED Martina Electro as a character. I've always been attracted to stories of attack dog type characters growing past what they were and becoming something new.

Martina is wonderful because she was an honest-to-god shitty cop who got an earth-shattering awakening that reshaped her entire morality until she became someone who renounced her need for power and actually aided the society around her. Love to see it.

Not strictly important: I would also let her fucking kill me.

[scrapplescribbles]

Intro to Fairfable

second (prettier) edition :D (i took way too long to finally post this cause i did a lot of overthinking 😭)

You've heard the myths. Most of you just think they're made up.

Humans tend to neglect the wisdom that all legends are based in truth, that some things are beyond science. That maybe fairy tales aren't fantasy.

There is another world that exists alongside your own. Its name matters little. Its people are familiar. All that is required of you is to look into Those Places—you know the ones I mean—and let them take you there. However, since the Other Folk are not particularly fond of intruders, let this story suffice as your window into their lives. Things are changing in their world. In a realm of myth and magic, what better place to begin than the most ordinary?

If you've made it this far, I'm gonna hope you're at least a little interested. And prepared for a long ass yap. If things go the way I want them to and we get Fairfable off the ground, it will grow into a full-fledged indie animated series. Unfortunately, I can't animate, and even if I were to start learning several years ago, I can't animate a whole multi-season show by myself. The closest thing I have to a production team is my self-recruited friend to help write some episodes and my cousin who knows that at some point within the next couple years he's gonna get a text saying he's gonna help me make music for Not Hazbin Hotel. I would start getting more people together to work on it, but I just graduated high school and am using pretty much every cent I have access to to pay for college. Not optimal conditions for creating an entirely new show from scratch. But it has pages and pages worth of ideas in Google Docs, so we're getting somewhere, at least (I say, knowing full well that I spend most of my "writing" time watching youtube video essays and blasting music into my ears.)

I have a lot of goals for this. It's pretty character-driven, but it does have a bigger overarching plot tied to deeper lore (duh, I have a ton of mythology and magic stuff to work with.) This show is supposed to be fun but serious when it needs to be. It's also proudly queer (take one look at its creator 💀) and full of neurodivergent representation. Also, I want it to be a musical because I'm a music-loving theater kid. Fight me. (Actually don't I have the strength of an angry toothpick)

There's comedy. There's symbolism. Ironically, there's humanity, but art is supposed to reflect the world it's created in. There's love in every bit of this project, and if that ever fails to show through, I've failed as a writer. The cast is diverse in its stories and in its characters' flaws, and I'm doing my best to make them feel like real people in spite of the fact that they're fantasy creatures. Let it be known that I am a sucker for found family and any story about characters helping each other heal wounds from their past and grow into better people. I LOVE me some good wholesome healing. That's what this is. It gets serious because some characters deal with real serious trauma, and I do not plan on making light of people's trauma. But they find time to laugh, y'know?

There are still a lot of things I need to figure out. Any part of the story or the characters or anything could change at any time. I'm also always learning, whether it be through experience (after all, as of this summer I'll only have 18 years of it) or research. But, as I do with anything I write, I love to have fun with it. Jokes and shitposts always have a home on this blog and in my heart (as long as they're not offensive or maliciously ignorant, of course.) Anyway, I think I'm getting dangerously close to reaching a point where I don't make sense anymore, so let's move on.

Characters

the main focus of this project. for the people who have seen a million of these intros already im sorry lmao its for the new people. also i will add pictures when i get the motivation and im happy with the results (i do have some half-finished thumbnails so yippee!! let's see if i get any further with that!)

Nema (she/her)

Nema's always been different.

Over the years, her "gift" has earned her a reputation. Not that she ever went around telling everyone about it, but, when you occasionally mutter vague prophecies and randomly zone out in the middle of sentences, it's kind of hard to hide. No one has a clue why she's plagued by these visions. All she knows is that too many of them have come true, and people always focus on that instead of just plain old Nema.

But then again, sometimes she gets a feeling. Just like she did the day she popped her head out of the water and really took a look at the old abandoned treehouse. Just like she did the day she met Lynx, Sal, Zing, and Shailyn. And, for once, it didn't feel ominous and foreboding. She doesn't know where fate will take her. But maybe, for once, it's going somewhere good.

Lynx (she/her)

A cat with a mission and a patience that wears thinner by the day.

It's been months since Lynx began her search for somewhere to move out. Sure, of course she loves her family, but love doesn't give you Lynx's parents' seemingly magical tolerance for screaming children scurrying around an absolutely cramped den. She's glad she had the experience of living there, but it's high time for a less overstimulating change of pace.

The only problem is that the places with neon mold creatures stuck in the drywall and mandrake infestations are the only ones Lynx can afford on her own, and she'd feel bad asking her parents for money. She's gonna need a roommate or two to share the financial burden. Or three. Or four, if you want to count the fairy. But for the four of them who do know how money works, this tree seems weirdly perfect (aside from the overgrown-ness.) Only one question is on Lynx's mind: is this too good to be true, or has the bull finally stopped shitting?

Zing (pronouns? yeah those are cool)

Zing, shapeshifter, at your service.

Zing has always prided themself on their ability to make friends. It's easy when you're a walking party trick with the charm and impeccable sense of style to match. But even a free spirit has to settle down sometime. This ragtag band of individuals too broke to afford housing on their own seems like the perfect opportunity to set up a home base. And, of course, the individuals themselves are intriguing, to say the least.

Nema's quiet. Shy. But nice once you get her talking. Makes you wonder what she's hiding. Shailyn's friendly. She just seems curious. You have to be careful with your words around her, but that's nothing Zing isn't already on top of. Lynx and Sal will be tougher to crack—Sal especially. But nothing like a challenge! At least that's what Zing is telling themself.

Shailyn (she/her)

New people. Interesting.

The tree hasn't been inhabited for years—a long time when it comes to the shorter-lived creatures of this world. So one can imagine the fairy's surprise when she popped in one day to check on her plants, only to discover people there.

Typically, the fairy likes to keep to herself. She likes this tree—the old, abandoned, living building fascinates her, and she finds it a delightful place to spend her time. But she did always suppose it was only a matter of time before others came. They're curious little beings. And, while they're here, this seems to be as good a time as any to socialize.

Sal (he/him)

Finally.

For what seems like far too long, Sal has been looking for somewhere to go. He doesn't care where, how, or who with, as long as he doesn't have to deal with his mother constantly breathing down his neck anymore. All he wants is real independence, and now he finally has a chance to have it.

Of course, he'd rather not have to live with fairy tricks in his own home. She seems odd, even for a fairy. But, it's still a house, and at least the other people don't seem too bad. Lynx and Nema are cool. Zing seems like a bit of a wild card, but whatever. Things are different now. Sal can deal with it. Whatever may happen.

Content Warnings

these are here because they're important to the stories and development of the characters. even though i personally have not experienced many of these things, i still want to raise awareness and fight stigma around mental health issues and trauma. you'll see a lot of "non-graphic mentions of/allusions to" in this list. that's exactly what i mean—no more, no less. i will update this as i learn more and as the show itself changes. if there are problems with the way fairfable approaches any of these topics, i would appreciate constructive criticism in order to keep these depictions as respectful and realistic as possible. lots of love to anyone affected by these issues <3

cursing/strong language

a bit of non-gory violence

homophobia from society and from family

non-graphic mentions of the past death of a parent that happened when the character was young

emotional abuse/manipulation from a parent/family member

mentions of/allusions to past suicidal thoughts

non-graphic mentions of/allusions to past SH

past and current non-physical self-destructive behavior

non-graphic mentions of/allusions to SA

mentions of/allusions to past toxic relationships ranging from familial to platonic to romantic/sexual

Conclusion

So that's the gist of it, I think. Thanks for being here; it means a lot :)

Asks and comments are always welcome if there's anything you want to say or know more about. (Please guys I really like talking and the more specific the question the better cause I feel like every time I get a generalized question like "what are you working on?" or "free token to talk about your wips!" I just say the same things over and over again. Not that I don't appreciate the asks; I just don't wanna bore y'all and myself 😭)

Fairfable Taglist!

these are the real ones 🔥🔥 lmk if you want to be added/removed

@foxgloves-garden @novaluna7189 @generation-of-vipers @woodlandstarz13 @peculiardragon22

dividers from here :)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

hi miss raven!!! i hope you're recovering well and everything's alright with you <3 recently we've learned that, according to lilia, magic was born out of a strong wish. after thinking about that a bit more, i came to a theory that unique magic is probably a reflection of a persons deepest/strongest desire? i think this isn't unreasonable and quite plausable, esp if you look at how the first-years have acquired their UM! epel wanted to protect others, so he summoned that coffin, ace wanted to be of use, but, since he's insecure, his UM manifested in a bit of a different way, lilia was in dire need of information and Far Cry Cradle helped him solve that, ect! i think with some UM it's quite easy to see this through line! like, jamil at some point probably wanted to have control over others and to make kalim listen to him that he manifested Snake Whisper but from what i remember, UM can also be heritable, as is the case with idia and... someone else??? with malleus???? i remember it being mentioned recently, but i don't recall the character. not to mentioned that it seems that not everyone may develop UM... i was quite surprised to find out that lilia only manifested his UM in his 300+, it seems rather late for a general what are your thoughts on this? is there any more information on UMs? i hope you haven't discussed this thoroughly before bc i dont wanna waste your time ^///^

[Referencing health update in this post. Explanation of the origin of magic here!]

I’m doing alright! Thanks for checking in on me.

Technically we learned this lore from Silver, who originally learned it from Lilia—

Mmm… I’m not sure how “real” the lore that magic is born from strong desire is, if that makes sense? The phrasing of it (being a story that Lilia tells Silver) makes me wonder if it’s a fairy tale/legend of old to explain a natural phenomenon (since magic occurs in nature, outside of human beings) rather than actual scientific explanation for where magic comes from. Clearly, strong wish = strong magic is not always true because Sebek, one of the most gung-ho in Twst, is specified to be a magical late bloomer despite wishing very strongly to be at peak condition for his liege. This alone makes me doubt the canonicity of the “origin of magic” story. We know that imagination for sure influences one’s spellcasting, so it could be that a wish is moreso associated with what the mage is able to call into their mind in addition to the magical strength they have.

Early in book 1, unique magic (or signature spell in EN) is described as “a spell that only [you] can cast” or “a magical ability that is, generally speaking, unique to its user.” We don’t really get more clarification beyond this. If you want information on individual UMs, please see this reference post.

I think the idea that one’s UM being a reflection of a person’s greatest desire isn’t entirely true. It works to explain some UMs, but not all UMs. Spells like Far Cry Cradle, Sleep Kiss/Crimson Slumber, Snake Whisper/Snake Charmer, Living Bolt, etc. may have manifested in response to a canonized or implied moment of intense longing, but several other spells confound this. For example, Rollo’s younger brother burned in a magical fire of his own creation. I highly doubt that Rollo wanted a UM that simulates that traumatic event or that he wanted to become more powerful from negative emotions. Ruggie strongly desires money and food in order to survive and to look after his loved ones (so much so that it is the mere sound of a coin with low monetary value that wakes him up from his dream), yet his UM has little to do with accumulating those resources. (I guess he can always use Laugh with Me to get those things, but this is a very roundabout way of getting it as opposed to having a UM that like… turns things into food or money.) Kalim’s UM allows him to manifest tons of water for little magic, but he describes his own UM as being not very useful because modern dah waterways and irrigation exists. So… why would he have desired to have this skill? Did Silver really want to walk in dreams and get to know his peers better, or was he given this UM as a narrative convenience so we can have a long segment where we systematically visit each sleeping student and wake them up? (And honestly, I feel that the timing of Lilia manifesting his UM at 300ish years old may in part be for narrative convenience too.) What exactly is Vil wishing for with his ability to curse others?

Riddle (in the Savanaclaw light novel + book 1) and Azul’s post-OB flashback imply different ways of manifesting one’s UM. Riddle studied so hard that he manifested and mastered his by the age of 10. Azul, meanwhile, seems to have developed his UM more intentionally (so he seems to be more driven by his desire to get revenge on his bullies).

Then there’s heritable UMs, which are its own can of worms. Idia’s Game, Set, Match is the prime example here. I believe that Malleus’s hasn’t not been confirmed heritable, as otherwise his grandmother would have the same UM and therefore be able to remove his briar barrier. However, text suggests that another royal has inherited magic. Both in the Savanaclaw light novel and in his post/OB flashback in-game, Leona states that he was “born” with a terrifying power from birth and that it had “nothing to do with his will”.

UMs seem to manifest at different times for different people, just like general magic does (if Sebek and Lilia are anything to go by). I don’t think this has to do with solely how strong one’s desire is (though that’s definitely a contributing factor), but other life circumstances, especially as it pertains to identity, too. Ace is a good example of this, actually. He was cited as an example of evidence that wish -> UM? but I don’t believe this to be the case. Before his UM was revealed, many fans theorized his UM would allow him to copy or borrow others’ UM. This prediction was made based on Ace’s knowledge skillset of copying others (voices, language, dance moves, skillful hands for card tricks). Then, as it turns out, Joker Snatch allows Ace to trade magic with others, which is similar to fan predictions. The fact that fans were able to get so close to the correct answer based on just general information we know about Ace implies that other factors come into play for a UM; who the mage is, what their current abilities are, their level of imagination, etc.

I’m not sure what you mean when you say not everyone may develop a UM? Are you talking about Ortho?? In his case, he can’t develop one due to not really being an organic being. Other mages, I imagine, would likely manifest their UMs at different points in their life (similar to Lilia) based on whatever their life circumstances are. If they lack ambition or perhaps are confused about their direction or identity, it may take longer for their UM to show up.

In summary, a mage’s desire isn’t the entire story; it’s more likely a factor considered in their development and it certainly contributes to shaping a UM, but it’s not everything. I think this post lays out a lot of salient points about what goes into a UM, so that might be a good read ^^

[evidence-based-activism]

What do you make of this? “The VAST majority of women are sexually submissive. I think it's around 3/4? I can dig up sources later if I feel like it

The attraction to power and dominance is way deeper than social conditioning and deeply engrained into all human social behavior. It's encoded into the social games we play to determine our standing with each other and which people we find fuckable.

Don't be graping folks, but also don't be denying women the means to sexually and socially satiate themselves by creating a deficit of men who will handle them as roughly as they quietly crave.”

I think it's ridiculous.

I've talked in the past about how men and women really do not feel sexual attraction in fundamentally different ways. The most important point from this post is that "sex differences in self‐reported sexual behavior were negligible ... [when] participants believed lying could be detected, moderate in an anonymous condition, and greatest [when not anonymous]" indicating "sex differences in self‐reported sexual behavior reflect responses influenced by normative expectations for men and women".

This is important, given the extent to which society is permeated by the expectation that women will be sexually submissive and men sexually dominate.

And even keeping this (i.e., that people tend to provide responses congruent with societal expectations of them, at least in sensitive topics) in mind, the percentage of women who report "preferring" sexual submission is far, far lower than 75%. The closest thing to a representative statistic we have comes from YouGov (a polling/data analytics company), which suggests that 21% of American women prefer being "submissive in bed" [1].

Some other research [emphasis mine]:

A review concludes "that traditional sexual scripts are harmful for both women's and men's ability to engage in authentic, rewarding sexual expression, although the female submissive role may be particularly debilitating" [2]

This article is particularly relevant: "Study 1 found that women implicitly associated sex with submission. Study 2 showed that women's implicit association of sex with submission predicted greater personal adoption of a submissive sexual role. Study 3 found that men did not implicitly associate sex with submission. Study 4 demonstrated that women's adoption of a submissive sexual role predicted lower reported arousal and greater reported difficulty becoming sexually aroused" [3]

Further, this article found "women’s submissive behavior had negative links to personal sexual satisfaction and their partner’s sexual satisfaction", and although they specified this was "only when their submission was inconsistent with their sexual preferences" they failed to indicate what percentage of the sample preferred sexual submission. They did, however, find that "women’s submissive behavior" was negatively correlated with "women’s interest in dominant partner" suggesting, at the very least, that women with no interest in dominant partners are engaging in submissive behavior as a result of the "high prevalence of traditional sexual scripts" [4]

---

For the "dominance games" bit ... I expect they are referring to how, for some species, male animals will fight with each other for the "right" to mate with the female animals. He seems to be conveniently forgetting that the aggression in this analogy is being directed towards other males. So, even if we were going to concede the accuracy of the analogy (which I do not), it would be entirely irrelevant to the matter at hand.

Further, the fact that humans may have demonstrated a behavior in the past and/or that other animals demonstrate it now, does not justify the behavior in humans in the present. Infanticide is common among both male [5] and female [6] mammals, as well as in human history [7], but I doubt anyone plans to defend that particular "reproductive strategy".

---

Further, the belief that there are women who secretly "want" men to "handle them roughly" and are simply lying when they say otherwise, is straight from the standard list of rape myths [8]. And acceptance of these misogynistic myths is correlated with men's sexual violence against women [9].

This makes such assertions both incorrect and dangerous.

---

In conclusion: this individual is both factually incorrect and logically inconsistent, and his apparent embrace of rape myths suggests he is – at the very least – an unapologetic misogynist.

References under the cut:

Moore, Peter. Most Americans Open to Sexual Dominance and Submission. YouGov, 13 Feb. 2015, https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/11593-most-americans-open-sexual-dominance.

Sanchez, D. T., Fetterolf, J. C., & Rudman, L. A. (2012). Eroticizing inequality in the United States: The consequences and determinants of traditional gender role adherence in intimate relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 49(2-3), 168-183.

Sanchez, D. T., Kiefer, A. K., & Ybarra, O. (2006). Sexual submissiveness in women: Costs for sexual autonomy and arousal. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32(4), 512-524.

Sanchez, D. T., Phelan, J. E., Moss-Racusin, C. A., & Good, J. J. (2012). The gender role motivation model of women’s sexually submissive behavior and satisfaction in heterosexual couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(4), 528-539.

Lukas, D., & Huchard, E. (2014). The evolution of infanticide by males in mammalian societies. Science, 346(6211), 841-844.

Lukas, D., & Huchard, E. (2019). The evolution of infanticide by females in mammals. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 374(1780), 20180075.

Levittan, M. (2012). The history of infanticide: exposure, sacrifice, and femicide. Violence and Abuse in Society. Understanding a Global Crisis. Santa Barbara, ABC-CLIO, 83-130.

Payne, D. L., Lonsway, K. A., & Fitzgerald, L. F. (1999). Rape myth acceptance: Exploration of its structure and its measurement using theIllinois rape myth acceptance scale. Journal of research in Personality, 33(1), 27-68.

Yapp, E. J., & Quayle, E. (2018). A systematic review of the association between rape myth acceptance and male-on-female sexual violence. Aggression and violent behavior, 41, 1-19.

[jockons]

North

reading North's comments on YouTube about "she doesn't want freedom, she just wants revenge" how would she get revenge if she died by sacrificing herself for Markus and convincing an android not to detonate the dirty bomb? (North wants violence, but I guess she's aware of the consequences of a dirty bomb that would destroy any possibility of negotiation) gives the dirty bomb to Markus as a last chance, a desperate attempt to survive, it is clear that it is wrong, but that action is due to their survival, rather than wanting to kill humans, and even then, North did not will ever have the courage to do so, and if Markus uses it:

she doesn't seem to be happy, there's no reaction of joy or happiness or anything like that, but it seems like a subtle bitterness, and she shouldn't have that, I mean, isn't she a psychopath who just likes killing humans?

furthermore, although his relationship with her will diminish, the way he behaves varies when Markus decides what they should do in the Captain's cabin If Markus choose dialogue:

it's like, "I totally disagree with you, but at least we're trying to do something." then Markus will add that he will go alone to try and try to talk to the humans, North will tell him: "Don't do this, Markus, they'll kill you!" and let me tell you, she is absolutely right, if Markus actually went to talk to humans by himself, he would be lucky if he could just say "Hi" before then immediately get shot, the government is actively looking for him to destroy him anyway if Markus has followed the pacifist or violent path If you choose "Stay Hiding"

she will actively object and protest, only to be overpowered by the majority Markus: "We are going to dig in here, we'll lay low and when the time comes, we'll resume the fight. North: We can't hide in Jericho forever! We need to stop the slaughter now, otherwise we're next! You have to take into evaluate that they opened fields to destroy the Androids, and they are destroyed, North actively confronts Markus because that means letting the Androids be destroyed without doing anything, when Markus chooses dialogue, she still doesn't agree because she doesn't believe that the dialogue will work, but at least she sees that Markus wants to try to stop this operation of destruction by humans, for me I attack the camps to liberate your people, I don't consider it to be entirely evil, but it's up to you whether it is or not, after all everyone has a different point of view

Let's consider North who has seen the worst side of human beings, I mean her function was quite humiliating, compared to that of a Gardener or a University Professor, "even the other androids suffered" I know, but I mean that it is more likely for other Androids who have a "less extreme" function to have some good experiences with humans, than Androids who have the North function, and like people, each reacts differently to experiences, and also, she notices and feels that androids are being mistreated by humans, she spent a month in Jericho and seeing her people dying in the dark, with fear, because of humans, I think it made her feel more and demonstrate the her point of view, fake journalistic reports putting Markus's pacifist intentions in a bad light and "many of our people were burned in response to what happened" and the authorities who will shoot no matter what Markus does in Freedom March, not to mention the potential attack on Jericho, in which many androids will be killed, even if they choose to submit

North is just a reinforcement in what believe, everything takes place in about a one week, the conditions and time to change one's opinion are difficult, if the game were set over a month or more and could interact with humans who help her in her goal of freedom (like Rose) I could see it slowly change, but as the game is I find it difficult. But I like that scene with her and Kara, it gives her a point of reflection to think about the Human-Android issue if Markus dies, North seems in distress not to say depression after Markus's death, before Kara leaves after asking to North for help, the latter asks her about it in protecting a human child

her tone of voice, unlike Markus in this scene, seems more hostile, only to be answered by Kara "She needs me and i need her it's as simple as that.." then North goes silent and goes back to thinking, I mean, come on North, she's a child, she poses no danger to you or your cause, in fact she'll help Kara get passports, even for Alice, who I suppose doesn't actually know that she is not human.

“she wants to ask about Markus's past but she doesn't want her to ask him about hers.” Try to see it from her point of view, her past is one of pure humiliation, shame and so dirty, she is afraid that he might judge her for what she was, but at the same time she feels comfortable with him, she has feelings at on the contrary, sometimes we say something shameful that happened to us but we are afraid to tell our friends or even our parents for fear of being judged

she literally starts crying even before revealing her past to Markus, keeping everything to herself, without finding a shoulder, a support to lean on, North is that person who manages to hide her vulnerabilities well and acts tough, but inside she's vulnerable, she has her insecurities, her sadness and her fears. You can see it still affects her deeply, we also see her caring for injured androids, just like Josh and Simon do

usually I don't cry for Detroit Become Human, I know there are very sad scenes and things like that, I'm sad but I don't cry, but one of the few scenes that succeeded was this, her sacrifice in the attack on the camps like Friend/Companion

she was so proud of Markus, for how he had dragged them along, for how he had given hope to each of them, but at the same time she seems to be sad to leave him, she tries not to make him feel guilty for taking her heart, she says that in any case she will remain alive as long as he is "My heart is beating inside your chest ... Now when you're free, a part of me will always be free with you" She never thought she could be better than him, ever, except when she was angry at him after he failed everything, and even then, if Markus comes back and accuses her of cheating (although Simon and Josh also had a hand in ousting Markus as Leader) North doesn't make excuses, she accepts it and doesn't argue about it, otherwise, she tells Josh that "Markus would know what to do" even if he was a pacifist Markus

but one of the reasons why I became fond of her is that when Markus shows his difficulties, shows that he is not this "Self-confident and invincible Leader" but that he has his weaknesses, and North tries to encourage him, Markus gave North has the hope and courage to fight for change, for something different, and she reciprocates with loyalty and respect,

When Markus says he no longer hears the voices of their people demonstrating in the other camps since they have been killed, North naively (although I suppose she knows they are dead) tries to reassure Markus "Maybe the humans have scrambled our network...Maybe they just can't get through" North reminds me of a friend of mine, he hates women because he was teased and laughed at by them, he has had few positive experiences with girls and so for him girls are all the same, just as North does with humans, but at the same time my friend has always often supported me when I told him about my difficulties even though we strongly disagreed with his generalization about girls, just as North does with Markus, they make mistakes with their thoughts, but they both care about the people they cares about, because yes, North she cares about Markus, it's just hard work to say it for her "I just want you to know that I-...i'm glad i met you"

I guess it's ironic that i remind me of a friend of mine who hates girls lol I know North is always portrayed as the devil on Markus' shoulders, and like Cage tries to make the player hate North, but despite this I can't feel hatred for her, only sadness and pity for her, I wish we could see in the game her change on humans, the fact that they are not all the same and there are some who would treat her well, she could slowly trust them, unfortunately this doesn't happen, but I would like to read a fanfiction about it on a post-canon of hers about it, but I just read Fanfiction in whose her hatred and despise for Connor lol, for the rest I know that they could have done much more with her character, and I recognize that she is not really well done, and that her relationship with Markus is forced (even if there is more than one way to avoid it, in fact in most of my games I keep them as friends and that's it, and I should because I'm a phenomenon, since I tried to woo her in my first game and failed lmao) I don't hate Norkus, I don't feel sorry for them, but I prefer them to remain friends, with an additional my headcanon that North has a slight crush on him but because of her past and the situation she is facing in finding her identity and fighting for revolution she prefers not enter into a love story. but I still like her and I can't hate her , you can hate it or not like her, everyone has their own preferences I guess, but honestly I refuse to believe that she has never done anything good in the game, as I often read in Youtube comments. I don't think everything she does is right, to be honest, but it's understandable why she wants to do it, and sometimes I agree with what her says, but that's what Markus is for, to provide balance.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I was going through tik tok and a video about how male monsters and human females are always been made in media and how popular they are, they were also saying how wrong it was bc most of the times you are conditioning women to accept men like that in real which....I don't agree with, what are your thoughts? But I do agree that we need more female monsters

I think that people need to understand that while fiction can absolutely (and sometimes is) used to condition people, it is also, much more naturally therefore likely more often, used to REFLECT the world and its anxieties. Reflection is neutral; it's not meant to endorse or to condemn.

Firstly, I would like to say that there's this general perception that the entire world was all "WOOHOO, MARRY THE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL TO THE 60-YEAR-OLD MAN!!!" prior to 1970 lol, which just isn't true. It was common for teenagers to marry when money, land, and titles were at stake. Essentially, when a true exchange was happening. And it should be said that in certain eras, it was very much KNOWN that these marriages were meant to remain on paper until both parties were of a reasonable (and "reasonable" certainly varied by definition) age. This could be mentioned in marital contracts, it could be implicit, whatever. We know this because of the fact that there was negative commentary when the norms were violated. For example, Marie de' Medici (and I doubt she was alone on this, but Marie had plenty of detractors) allegedly pressured her son Louis XIII and his wife, Anne of Austria, to consummate their marriage when they were both 14. This was seen as Not Great, Bob, and sometimes connected to the marital issues that would plague the two for the rest of their marriage.

Which isn't to say that there weren't plenty of people and predators who felt the opposite! But I'm trying to say, basically, that when people try to go "everyone of the past felt this way and we were all being brainwashed", that's just not accurate. The average person without a lot of money or power was getting married at ages similar to those of us marrying now, in their twenties. Mary Boleyn married her first husband around 20-21; it wasn't at all odd that Anne was unmarried in her twenties when she started up with Henry VIII (if we go by the earlier birth year, which I tend to). And these weren't lowborn women at all! My point being that while Henry VIII was courting marital alliances for his child daughter as a princess, the typical woman wasn't necessarily marrying as a child of 14, and she wasn't necessarily marrying a man who was decades older than her.

But obviously it HAPPENED, and not everyone thought it was great! And not everyone thought it was bad! And not everyone thought much about it at all! So I think that we see a lot of the "beastly man" to represent... I mean, general anxieties about marriage on the part of women. Which can cover him being old, or ugly, or mean, or boring, or simply... not what she wanted. And while there often is a "happy ending", I don't know that this was always a way of soothing the brides' concerns. There's a degree of practicality to it, I think—it's less brainwashing and more acknowledging that you've gotta make the best of things. Maybe it'll be better than you expected, sure. Maybe there'll even be love (and like, there could be—we definitely see odd couples who made it work, albeit on a less sweepingly romantic level than we want today).

So while I'd say that there's definitely something instructive about the concept sometimes, that is not ALL it was. And that's certainly not what it is for the vast majority of writers NOW, because concepts and how we use them. Change!

Plus, I think we need to give women some credit and understand that part of why they change is that women don't just take subliminal messaging without questioning it. And you can say the same of kids... especially if we actually talk to them about what they're reading....

I want more female monsters, but I personally think that has less to do right now with the powers that be and more to do with the perception that women won't read them.

[margaretkart]

Whenever I see people debating about ancient Greek classic, especially here on tumblr, especially about ancient Greek society it's always like they're talking about people trapped in bubble. Of course they have different culture and morals, different values and everything from today's world but they're still real life people you know. Like individuals who also live and breathe the same earth? They human yes, human that think, human that question, human that walk and talk and eat and drink yes? There's this stupid idea like oh they don't have this concept yet or the concept work differently in their society, like sure they did but I do know they ain't a robot who got feed information and just proceed without thoughts about it. Like "beep beep boop boop data download complete, now this is how I live for the rest of my life and there's no complexity to my life at all." "If history says my society is a man powerful woman weak and victim civilization, that's definitely what all my society is about." I don't know, the fact they love to put ancient civilizations in a box and think they're so right about them by saying we're in the modern world are better because we know more whereas they don't like they're some kind of infant that only know certain things and their human brain stop comprehending at that is just very dehumanizing the people of the past. How can they look at the arts and buildings of the past, even read Homeric poems or any of Greek tragedy plays and be like "oh the ancient Greeks people will say A because their society say A; there's no exploration for other things, no attempt at understanding the way of life beyond what their society believe in, no trying to expand on their human condition at all"

Absolutely! this is such a valid frustration I relate as well. It’s wild how often people talk about ancient Greeks like they were NPCs blindly following whatever their society dictated, instead of real, thinking, feeling humans with agency, doubts, contradictions, and inner lives. There’s this weird trend, especially online, where people act like you can sum up an entire ancient civilization with a tweet-length stereotype and just call it a day. Like, yes, ancient Greek society had hierarchies and gender roles, but to reduce every Greek person to “man strong, woman oppressed” without digging into the nuances, the exceptions, the individual voices in literature, philosophy, even comedy? That’s just lazy.

And the worst part is how quick some are to dismiss people who genuinely love Greek myths and culture as if they’re just fans of some outdated fairytale, rather than people engaging with a living part of human heritage. Greek myths are complex, messy, poetic, and yes historically and culturally significant. They weren’t written for modern hot takes; they were reflections of a society full of thinkers and artists grappling with the same existential stuff we do now. Respecting that doesn’t mean idolizing the past, it means acknowledging its depth instead of flattening it to fit a trendy narrative.

[cosmicjoke]

Levi, Morality and Personal Choices:

One more thing, and I swear I'll try and keep this one shorter and less rambling, lol, but I think what people also don't get about Levi, with the way they harp on about his choice during the RtS arc being a "personal" one, is that all of Levi's choices are personal.

Going back to what I said about how Levi's entire philosophy of no regrets is predicated on doing what he feels in the moment is right, that's rooted in his own, personal beliefs about what's right. Again, that doesn't mean he's going to stand there and try to convince others that it's his way or the highway. He believes that he, and in turn everyone else, can only act in the way they feel is best in any, given situation, depending on the circumstances, even while accepting that whatever choice you make may result in the opposite of what you were hoping for. Levi never betrays what he believes in. He just knows, and has enough humility to understand, that whatever he believes in isn't definitively or objectively correct or that it's always going to lead to a good outcome. As he says, he can only make the choice he won't regret.

So when he lets his comrades die because he thinks it will better humanity's chances at victory, or when he tortures Sannes because he thinks it will save more lives, or when he kills members of Kenny's squad because he wants to save the lives of his own, or when he lets Erwin die because he refuses to let a fellow human being continue to suffer, or when he saves Ramzi from being killed by an angry mob because he's just an innocent little kid, all of those decisions are rooted in Levi's personal belief that it's the right thing to do in the moment. Again, he just isn't arrogant or egotistical enough to try and impose his way of thinking or doing onto anyone else, or to believe with any certainty that he's always right. He has too much respect for the agency of others to ever do that, and he has too much humility to ever believe he knows better than everyone else.

But Levi never compromises his own moral values. Again, that's the whole point of his philosophy. To never betray what you value and believe in. That's how you live without regrets. By staying true to what you personally value and hold true as personally right.

Levi's moral values just happen to be complex and fluid to match the complexity of the world and the human condition. It doesn't mean he has no moral values or standards. And it doesn't mean he just does what he wants without concern for the consequences, either, which I think is maybe the most absurd mischaracterization of Levi and his philosophy I can imagine.

The consequences are exactly what Levi is thinking of whenever he makes any choice, because what he values more than anything is other peoples well-being and others peoples lives. That's what makes Levi a good person, assuming you measure a person's goodness by how much they care about others. It's why you would call Levi selfless, kind and compassionate, because he's prioritizing what he hopes will benefit others in every choice he makes. That's what drives him and dictates his actions. That's what his morality is based on, and how he decides what he thinks is "right". Not whether or not he believes his choices are objectively, factually "right" according to some abstract moral framework or ideology, but whether or not he believes personally that his choices will help people. It's a morality rooted in practicality and compassion. Every choice he makes is reflective of and an exercise in trying to do right by others. This is in sharp contrast with characters like Eren or Historia, for example, who's choices reflect the way they value themselves and their desires above everything, even when they feel what they want it bad for others. That's what makes them bad people, again assuming you measure a person's goodness or badness by how much they care about others.

But again, every choice every character makes in the series is a personal one, just like in real life. Every choice all of us makes is a personal choice. It's all of us choosing what we value most and acting in accordance with that. Whether one sees those choices as defining a person as good or bad depends, again, on ones own, personal morality and what they, personally, believe is right and wrong.

[thehussargeneral]

W̶a̴g̷r̷a̸m̷.̸

T̵h̸e̴ ̶f̶o̶g̴ ̴i̸s̷ ̴h̸e̵r̴e̷.̸

It chokes the air, stifles the wind and muffles noise; normally in the fog a man can hardly hear another speak next to him, and it is quite the same now. But above all, the stillness is most disconcerting: it is a tense stillness, electric and unsettled like the air before a thunderstorm but forced into silence, and if it were a human emotion it would be the anticipation before a battle.

Lasalle is woken by Colonel Schwarz, the man somewhat reluctant to disturb the General's rare half-decent sleep but not knowing what else to do in this situation. He throws on enough of his uniform to be considered decent and steps out of the tent.

He sees nothing, only the white void that is usually limited to outside the camp, and reaches to the side where a sentry usually stands guard until he feels the cold metal shape of a cuirass. Well, at least they're dedicated.

Do you know where your Captain is?

Cuirassier: Couldn't tell you, Sir, I'm afraid to move from here lest I get lost in this.

They are forced to almost shout at each other, despite being directly next to each other, in order to communicate.

I can't blame you. But you might have to soon.

A feeling of D̶r̶e̸a̷d̵ takes him, the white nothingness more D̵i̵s̷o̵r̷i̷e̶n̸t̷a̸t̷i̵n̸g̷ the more he stares into it. He feels... W̴a̵t̴c̷h̷e̷d̴, even though he cannot see the culprit. Was that a moving shape? There? A̷n̸d̴ ̶t̷h̷a̷t̸ ̷v̵o̶i̴c̷e̶ ̶i̴s̷ ̸b̴a̶c̷k̸.̸ The victim retreats back into the tent, which Colonel Colbert has also found.

Y̸o̸u̶ ̷c̵a̴n̶n̵o̷t̶ ̸r̸u̷n̶ ̸n̸o̵w̸.̸

Something is happening. Choose men with good coordination and focus, have them ready themselves. Be quiet about it. We can't hear each other, but I think they can hear us. Have my mare harnessed, she is calmest in these conditions.

Colonel Colbert: Might I ask where we're going with them, Sir?

I don't know. Wherever this fog stunt takes us. Be prepared for anything.

Colonel Schwarz: I would like to bring your attention to the date, Mon Général...

I know that. But this business is never quite what you expect, is it?

Colonel Schwarz smirks knowingly, and then both of the officers and Lasalle's orderly take their leave to carry out their orders. But that V̴o̴i̵c̸e̷ never leaves him alone.

Y̶o̵u̸ ̴w̶i̶l̷l̴ ̶a̷l̵w̸a̶y̸s̴ ̴f̶o̵l̵l̴o̵w̷,̴ ̶w̶o̵n̴'̵t̸ ̶y̶o̵u̴?̴

To protect people, yes. You always follow too, technically, don't you?

A̴h̷,̴ ̶b̵u̵t̸ ̷w̷e̷ ̵w̴i̷l̴l̴ ̵p̴r̴e̵v̷a̸i̸l̴,̵ ̶w̶o̸n̶'̸t̸ ̸w̷e̴?̴

How overconfident of you...

These conditions are prone to emphasising relationships between horses and riders: the mounts who trust and understand their riders go well and remain calm despite the loss of all of their senses to the invasion of the fog, while others move reluctantly and tensely with pricked ears and hard eyes. The mare that had been a birthday gift from Kellermann, however, seems almost entirely unbothered, even appearing to look at and listen to things that no one else can see or hear.

They ride into the void silently, the formation tight to try to keep everyone together, the usual jingling of tack muffled. Then into a trot, going further and faster in what felt like a dimensionless space with no concept of distance.

V̸͕͌e̴͍̔r̵̯̆y̵̰͌ ̵͇͘w̶̯̓e̷̛̩l̴͆͜l̸̻̕,̷͇̒ ̶̯̏s̵̞͘ḭ̶͝n̶͙̒c̶̩̿ė̵̤ ̸̨̈y̵̚ͅȯ̴̥u̷̻̔ ̸̳͛i̵̧̇n̷͊ͅs̵͔̀i̸̭͋s̸͚̽t̸̖̎.̷͍͐.̶͇̈́.̷̠̀

Now the canter, and the body of chosen men hurtle towards whatever is there.

Suddenly the fog fades, and although noise returns he only hears his own breathing and his own horse, cursing himself as he realises that his men are gone. Smell returns too, and before him the prevailing stench of death finds its source: Ẅ̴̩̟̈a̸͎͉͂̑̚g̵̨̍̎̉r̸̨̞̲̾̄ä̸̭̳̳́͌̋m̵̨̯̼̆̓͝.̸̗̉͛͗

He remembers this place well from various journeys into the fog, but what he remembers most vividly about this particular position and this feeling is his first encounter with his own reflection. But this time there is no snow, no peace: it is replaced by the incessant burning of a day too hot for physical activity, and instead of snow the ground is blanketed in reddened coats of all colours, each worn by a participant in the acrid stink and iron taste of blood and suffering. He is sure that he would find himself somewhere in this hellscape, but he has little time for curiosity before t̷h̴a̸t̶ ̷t̷h̶i̷n̷g̵ returns.

A̵̙̍̈͛r̴̻̪̄ẻ̵̺̾̚n̶͉͊̈́̈́'̶̖̦̩̉̚t̷̠̱͒͐̐ ̶̰̈́̂y̵̰͊̀ő̶̱u̷̗̤͗ ̶͍̑̆̚ś̶̙̬t̵͉͠u̶̲̮̒̍͋b̴̡̼͋͌b̷͔̱͗o̶͇͍̬̓ȑ̷͙̻́͌n̵̝͋͗̈́.̸̼͉̒͝.̴͕̻̏̓.̴̗͚̼̓

But the dragoon does not show himself so easily, and instead of seeing him he feels the wind left behind by his horse, then a sharp sting on his right arm. His own sabre drawn, he races after the only other "living" thing on the field, the little mare surprisingly able to keep up with the chase, and for a time Lasalle forgets about the rule of reciprocal wounds that applies between him and the creature as he lays into him with all his strength at the frantic gallop.

B̸u̴t̴ ̶t̸h̴e̴y̸ ̷a̴r̸e̶ ̷n̷o̵t̴ ̴a̷l̵o̵n̷e̵.̴

The sound of shouts and other hooves join them, but he glances back not to see that any of his own have managed to break through, but rather that t̵h̵e̶r̸e̷ ̶a̵r̴e̷ ̸m̸o̷r̴e̴ ̵o̷f̵ ̸t̶h̷e̵m̸.̴

The rest of the real men have emerged into the active form of the battlefield, directly into the middle of a vicious melee not against their conventional enemies but against dark faceless forms on horses made of some sort of invincible dark matter, the dark swords oblivious to cuirasses or any other protection, the only defence being to R̶u̷n̵.̵.̸.̷

C̶͖͇̆ủ̸̼̉̐r̷̙̖͜͠ỉ̸̮̮͔ò̸̠̒ś̸͇̚͠i̶͖͙̺͛t̵͈̳̱̀y̶̡͉̝̓̚ ̷̝͉̀̓k̵͚̲̒͛͠i̷̞̽̓͝l̴̛͕͉͝l̶͉̅̌̾ȩ̷̬̫͆d̷͇͝͝ ̷̧̤͌̋͝t̶̥̘͇̚h̷̡̺͓̓͐͌e̵̹͚̙͆ ̷̫͇́c̵̯͕̽̔a̵̰͙̙͆͑͑t̶͇̭̑͠.̶̙̈̆̑ͅ.̶̹͠ͅ.̸̻̖̭̄ ̶̮̂̍H̴̞̩͛ǫ̶̮̏w̸̻̖͂̚ ̴͉̾͜f̴̧̦͇͂e̷̻͕̣͠l̷͂̌͜ͅḯ̷̘̿̆ń̷͕̝͝͠e̵̛̙̝͛̚ ̴͈̥̅̋ȏ̴̥̘͂̔f̵͉̞̑͆̅ ̵̡͓͚̐̏y̸͈͚͊ő̵̧̙͎͆u̵͉̓̚,̸̮̜̆̑͠ ̴̝͋͛̀m̴͐̈̀ͅỷ̶͖͠ ̶͍̍̂̚ş̷̨̉͒̿t̷̺̦͠ư̷̩̌͗p̷̖̂͑̾ḯ̴̬̘̾̈d̶̢̲̲̓ ̵̛̟r̷̛̻̬͝ȅ̶̻͍̥͂͒f̴͖͙̉́̚l̷̙̈ę̶̞̭͋c̴̫͊t̴̢̞̹̄̈́͗i̶̻̞͐̾o̸̧̻̊̅n̵̗͑.̷̼̳̅̐.̴͔̟̜̔̔.̸̠̖͗͆̚

And those shifting faceless things are what join the chase of Lasalle too, running after him like rabid dogs nipping at the heels of their prey, the blades occasionally digging into some part or other... He had not known these things exist, and they seem damn near invincible.

By now they have crossed the great expanse of the field, Lasalle fighting and struggling to stay out of reach the whole way, his strength beginning to give way to a state of shock caused by the now numerous wounds given by these entities that are so clearly more powerful than he. Nothing seems to orient itself anymore, the things seeming to appear wherever he looked while the field fluctuated around him until he hardly recognised any of its locations, the last of his determination dedicated to simply staying on the horse and trying to make her go in any direction.

I̸̜͒t̴̻̩̹̊̈́̇ ̴̱̹̂w̸̩̏ḁ̶͍̈́̎͜s̸̹͝ ̸͈̖͘ͅa̴̡͙̾̈́͌l̷̥̓́͂l̶̥̾ ̸̛̪̞̳̓̊ạ̴̓ ̴͎̗̳͘ṯ̷͒r̸̫̮͉͊͝a̸̢̘͕̎̌p̶̥̱̥̍̈́̀.̵̪̬̥̓.̸̣̬͑̍̈́.̵͓͚͗

But the mare no longer wishes to obey him, and although her strength seems never to end despite the sweat lathering all over her, it is largely used to ignore all commands given by the reins, spurs or otherwise. At least with this she outstrips the figures of death like some sort of infinite source of speed and energy, her ears pinned flat to her head and her legs seeming to move faster than the eye can see them as she barrels towards a hill that seems... Blurred and unclear, to say the least. Lasalle continues to fight, trying to make her turn around and go back to confront the source of his misery, but man rarely wins a fight against a strong horse unwilling to cooperate, and so towards the hill they go.

A̷n̵d̶ ̵t̶h̸e̴n̸ ̷t̵h̸e̵r̴e̶ ̵i̶s̸ ̴s̵i̴l̸e̸n̵c̸e̸.̶

They are back in the fog, back in the silent abyss, his breathing becoming progressively heavier as he glances down: warm red spills onto the schabraque on his saddle and stains his gloves, while the rest of his uniform is stuck to him with sticky black. His sword, a regulation issue that he does not mind ruining with the corrosive blood of the entity, drips the usual acidic, fizzing black onto the invisible ground. His heart feels as if it is about to break out of his ribcage, each of his senses gradually replaced by only one sensation: angry pain.

W̴̥̕ȅ̷̤ ̴̹̿w̷͚̎a̷̰͋r̵̨̃n̶̘̿e̸̤͂d̷̡͛ ̵̫̍y̶̩͐ö̷͍́ů̶̖.̵̠̐.̷̀ͅ.̵̰̃

Be silent...! Marie... Please... Turn around... We need to... Find the others... Merde...

The brigade is not actually faring as badly as their commander, having noticed his absence and managed to rally around the two Colonels, and although it is still violent despite their numerical advantage, they are painstakingly cutting through the bloody ocean of the melee.

Also unlike their commander, they are not to be left to entirely fend for themselves; just as the combat reaches a peak of disorientation, the field seeming to spin and shift around them, the blaring of a trumpet manages to overpower the sound of steel on steel, followed by another and another, and all of a sudden the unlucky dozen, as they are known by all the lighter cavalrymen, are not the only steel-clad soldiers on the scene.

These new arrivals are led by an enthusiastic Colonel with his sword held high, armour gleaming under this domain's burning sun, a similarly armoured horde behind him charging straight into the fight with little regard for the intimidating nature of these creations to those who have never seen them. The original twelve cheer for their old comrades as they join in, and the creatures of death soon appear to realise the extent of how much they are outnumbered, scattering in various directions. As a final obstacle, they leave a trail of seething, fizzing soot behind them, so that no one can follow their path without risking themselves or their mount.

Berckheim intends to ask the lighter cavalry where they all are and where any sort of higher authority went, for he and his men simply appeared here with their horses galloping without any command, but he finds himself unable to communicate with any of them. It seems that they simply cannot hear him or understand him, but he manages to hand a hastily written note to Captain Fontaine expressing a desire to speak with their commanding officer. Fontaine can only nod for a reply, pointing at the paper as indication that it will be a letter.

Y̷o̵u̵ ̶g̶o̵t̴ ̶a̸w̵a̸y̸ ̵t̷h̴i̶s̶ ̵t̴i̸m̶e̴.̶.̴.̶ ̸N̶e̷x̶t̵ ̸t̴i̸m̶e̴ ̷w̵i̴l̷l̴ ̸n̵o̵t̷ ̴b̸e̴ ̸s̷o̴ ̶l̷u̶c̸k̸y̴.̴

Lasalle, meanwhile, barely consciously sits in the saddle as the mare continues to disobey and take him where she pleases, moving at a brisk but considerately smooth walk. A river appears beside them as they leave the fog, and then along the river appears a town. Now they come upon a house that seems strangely familiar, though he has certainly never been there before.

Here the mare halts and paws at the cobbled street to make noise. Lasalle in his current state cannot know where he is, or that he is among friends now, but the horse knows somehow, and she has delivered him here without any further injury.

[zeondraws]

I always wonder why I have been so busy the past months but then I remember all the things I'm doing with SWTD:

(this is more of a thought post about my life/thoughts/feelings than a lore post! Ignore if you are not interested in this, I don't mind)

Taking Screenshots

Multiple recording sessions (for audio or funny moments, and so on)

Multiple playthroughs of the game

Doing an AU for some reason

Drawing the characters (much art)

Also learning how to use procreate, while my big tablet is packed away until November

Working on a video project

Learning how to use OBS

Datamining the gamefiles for more info with fmodel

troubleshooting fmodel because it's showing me the middle finger for the billionth time

learning how to use a dumper to get mappings file (to view files in fmodel)

learning how to install mods and learn how to use them

troubleshooting my pc or laptop because of my silly shenanigans

rebuilding the models in blender while simultaneously watching blender tutorials to understand what the hell I'm doing

read about TCR's other games and play them (I still have to play Little Orpheus)

Trying to research movies or any blogpost/YouTube posts regarding the game

Other types of research that I can't think of right now

Sharing results with others and discuss the findings to figure lore out

confusedscreaming.mp4

????

It has a lot of reasons why I am super determined and stubborn? when it comes to something I'm passionate about. (It's really hard to explain)

Family always dismissed my hobbies and didn't support me much for them. They often gave me false promises and made me wait for nothing

Often treating me like a baby, as if I can't think for myself. I had to fight a lot for my passions the past decade or so. Even dealing with a former coworker who was very manipulative and tried very hard to belittle me.

I can't even explain all the stress I had to endure because of my old job. Constantly monitored for mistakes, constantly shoved to a corner, freedom taken away, bullied, my feelings had been manipulated so much that I just.. had entire months where I cried every single day. And I'm not even kidding, I went to work in fear, I walked home in fear, I woke up in fear. I still remember that evening where I was so afraid of everything. I was so scared to even be in my apartment, I just balled my eyes out because it was too much at that moment.

Only thing that kept me going was my determination, hope.. daydreams. . and seeking out help (therapy, friends) and using the anger I felt for my coworker to work on my art/passions and show myself that I'm not worthless.

Sometimes my coworker would treat me badly on some days, so after I went home I used my anger and sadness to make art. Even if I sat there drawing for 5h. It did help me to improve a ton in my skills.

I think that event made me go through this journey of? self reflection and growth. It's wild how much happened after that.

Family wasn't helpful in this painful time period, one told me I'll end up alone, that I shouldn't talk to people online or that I should be happy to have a job (Talking to family is like talking to a wall). Or another family member who tries so hard to treat me like an object.

It fills me with anger, but they're all I've got. I thankfully have many friends I can go to when needed, but I wouldn't be able to fully abandon my family. It's probably because I felt so down when my mother passed away over two years ago. I haven't talked to her in years because of her mental condition, but her passing hit me badly.

I have struggled for a while to work on other skillsets because I was too afraid, doing videos, blender, drawing humans idk why, maybe no confidence in myself to try it out

.. Suddenly swtd gets released and my head does a 360 and is like "I'm going to learn all of this now, hold my bear". Using my obsession about this game to learn something new, which helped me overcome so many hurdles. Like the amount of times I threw myself out of my comfort zone while I tried to fiddle with the game.

Like, look at the difference in my human art

This is the first time I drew Muir like.. I forgot when I drew this, two months ago?

And then like this is from a few days ago

... *compares* I don't know how to explain the difference, I think there is one-

Like,. It's hard to compliment myself because of the sheer amount of stress I endured over the year. I've been out of the old job for 3 weeks now. I'm so glad I'm out of there.

I remember how I always wanted to draw an entire dragon, not just a bust. And look I ended up drawing one!! Ok with Roper's head but yea!

I think family difficulties and other events made me feel very detached from others. I never felt/feel like I belong anywhere. I moved so often that this feeling persisted. And it may persist for who knows how long. I only recently got a diagnosis, I have a form of depression, but it's somewhat mild. Hence why I'm still able to perform in daily tasks and work. Tho I don't want to use my condition as an excuse, I rather just want to show that I'm capable of something. That even people who struggle mentally can find success in what they do.

Life throws so many hurdles but I think I am slowly used to living in the chaotic environment. I keep drawing and work on my hobbies while I wait to move apartments.

I try very hard to change my mindset even tho my mind had been so used to the negative spirals. But I try to stay determined and keep on learning. I am not all knowing and I need to remember that mistakes are ok and that I need them to keep learning and have progress.

I've been pushing aside so many thoughts while I messed with the game. Even tho it's 2AM I needed a quiet moment to think about it all.

I am very open with my thoughts and feelings, it's what I usually do on my Instagram account when I post my art.

Tomorrow is another day to learn something new.

[schizoid-hikikomori]

did you know that diagnoses are retarded and only lock you into a ridiculous and pathetic trait that slowly withers away the joy you take in living, people are much more self malleable than those words let on. it's good to stop thinking in diagnoses altogether, they're only supposed to be an outline for the specialist in case your medical history gets blurry, not provide you with answers or, god forbid, identity

This is an unhelpful and aggressive way to try and get this message across. The fact you've made yourself anonymous also tells me what I need to know about your character in addition to this unnecessarily aggressive message.

The use of a diagnosis in the context of mental health is a very nuanced topic and there's no way to describe their use as entirely right or wrong. It's incredibly small minded to think entirely one way or another.

Diagnoses are made and used for a number of different reasons that entirely depend on the individual's situation.

Some people don't agree with the diagnostic process but still get them in order for insurance coverage for therapy or psychiatric medication. Some people need these labels in order to succinctly describe what they're experiencing—to better articulate what goes on with them. Some people don't get diagnosed at all and just work through their problems individually.

Diagnoses are not rigid and unchanging, because we as people are not rigid and unchanging. There may be a point where the label just doesn't fit anymore and you move on. There is a reason the term "in remission" exists.

The assumption that diagnoses only perpetuate misery is also incredibly harmful and completely black and white thinking.

To hinge your whole identity on a diagnosis, yes that's harmful, but that's also why therapy exists. Part of the process of taking care of your mental health is to make sure you are not defining yourself by arbitrary traits and treating yourself like a whole human being.

Certain conditions do need to be diagnosed in order to be treated, which is the other side of this. So many people need a diagnosis in order to get medication or certain supportive services that they wouldn't otherwise be aware that they needed.

Some people don't know what's going on with them until they get a diagnosis. You can be aware that something's wrong, but not everyone has the language to describe it or even recognize what exactly that part is.

You seem to be hung up on the supposed evil that comes from diagnoses, perhaps the idea that they only exist to serve a greater system, which isn't the whole truth.

I write about my personal experience under the schizoid diagnosis. It is by definition a personality disorder, so it has great bearing on my identity regardless of whether or not I had this label. It's because I have this label I can better describe my experiences in a way that makes sense.

Next time you want to send an aggressive message anonymously and use a slur that greatly reduces the credibility of your argument, please have some self reflection first.

[crowbawt]

I really should be sleeping but my anxiety so instead here's a very long disjointed post with thoughts about the Man in the Wall after playing Whispers

Spoilers obviously

So the climax of the quest was us somehow holding back Mr. Big Indifference using a memory of love. And it makes sense, because what is the opposite of Indifference towards others? Caring about them. Which is kind of our (Tenno) entire thing. To Take Away Its Pain, etc. There's also Rell, who was also able to hold back Wally, and how he was alienated by his peers and even Marghulis, and the Orokin society who feared and shunned him and didn't treat him as a fellow human being deserves to be treated. As some of the Red Veil blood scrawls in his quest put it, "What is evil, but indifference?" It works quite well, thematically. But Warframe doesn't really restrict itself to a singular, direct approach to invoking its themes. Shit's got layers. Which leads me to believe there may be other layers here, too. And at this point, I'm really not convinced that Wally is so simple as the cosmic idea of Indifference towards others, or even a personification of fear and other 'dark' aspects of the human condition. I mean, I believe he is partially that, we do get that dialogue from Sythel "The first scholar looked into the Void and felt fear, and that fear took form. That's how all this started." Albrecht also refers to himself as the "Father of fears" in his notes somewhere (I forgor) But... Fear is not Indifference. And the Man in the Wall not only shows great interest in many things (like Albrecht, and our Tenno) but he also shows a great deal of emotion. He is described by Duviri citizens as hungry, greedy, jealous. He has feelings, and he has a great deal of them. A being born of fear and indifference towards others doesn't really describe what we've seen of him very well. What Wally has been shown as time and time again is instead: a mirror. Our reflection. So here's the rhetorical question I'd like to ask: If Albrecht gazed into the grand cosmic mirror of existence, and his first reaction was fear, well... it wasn't really the Void he was afraid of, was it?

...Which probably doesn't seem like a point worth all this build up, considering how during the quest, Albrecht's flaw of showing indifference to others (Loid, specifically) is brought up a few times. Albrecht looked into the Void, his Indifference and fear seeped in, and the result was Wally. Makes perfect sense. To which I say, look at the scrollbar to the side of this post because I have soooooo much more bullshit to spew about my thoughts on this. Anyway. I've seen some theorizing that we're probably going to "defeat" the Man in the Wall by forgiving him or otherwise reaching out and showing him love, similar to the way we helped Umbra. Love will triumph over Indifference. And that makes sense and feels very Warframe and I do think that will happen. Buuuuut I don't think it's the only thing that's going to happen. Because if something is destroyed or undone by love, doesn't that... kind of undermine the message of loving an ugly, broken thing? Doesn't having the ultimate villain be some abstract space monster elder god representing pure un-love kind of jar with the very personal, human focus of Warframe's storylines? I don't think this is a Love vs. Indifference Pokemon typing match-up here, I don't think the Love requiem word is going to defeat the Indifference requiem word like a game of rock paper scissors. That would be too trite. Besides, it's not Wally's Indifference, really. It's Albrecht's.

And I've seen a lot, a lot of speculation that Wally "is" Albrecht, just a very derived evil alternate of him, and maybe Albrecht manages to convert himself into Wally as some kind of self-fulfilling quantum time-loop, becoming the reflection that reached out to his own self. It makes a lot of sense, what with the "We End as We Began" thing, and us encountering doppelganger smiley Albrecht in the quest. It works, thematically. This very well could be the answer and it wouldn't be bad storytelling per se.

However, for reasons I am not sure how to articulate at 3 am, I honestly kiiiiiind of hate it. It is not an ending to this that I'd be personally very satisfied with. Again, this doesn't mean it would be bad story-telling, or that other people wouldn't find it satisfying, it's just me and how I like my eldritch horror to be. So I choose to speculate other possibilities up until the point I am proven wrong, and if I am I promise to not be too annoyingly butthurt about it. Promise. Here's my preferred take: I think the "Great Indifference" name for The Man in the Wall is a massive red herring. I think it relates far more meaningfully to what he actually is if you instead interpret it as "undifferentiated."

As in, the Void is a massive roiling quantum soup of all possible outcomes that could exist, but don't--to us. Specifically, us, as in our unique conscious POV, or "personal timeline" or "Chain of Khra" or quantum observer "cone of light" or whatever you want to call it. We are a 3rd dimensional ant stuck walking down a Mobius strip of cause and effect, and the Void is everything that we can not perceive from our tiny tiny window of specific probability variables. We are unable to "change the frame," as Euleria puts it, and I interpret that as "frame of reference."

While a lot of the differences are more... semantic than anything, Eternalism is not actually just Warframe's funny in-universe stand-in name for the Multiple Worlds Interpretation of Reality. This is a whoooooole another post worth of word vomit I won't get into now but Warframe did not come up with Eternalism it's an actual established thing that they're referencing.

The Void is everything, all at once. And if something is everything, in a way it is also... nothing. No contrast, no ups and downs, no loss, no birth, no death, no questions, and no mysteries to ponder. Joy is the same as sorrow, alive is the same as dead, "change" as a broad concept is impossible. If there is an opposite of human consciousness, of being alive and having lived, that's the closest thing I can think of.

There's a reason why the Void is shown in stark black and white until we put color into it... and in his original logs, Albrecht speaks of "scintillating vapor pouring out of my very skull." Human consciousness, our "light," (and the meaning of Albrecht's name, and the significance of us accidentally offering to let Wally "take our light" in the New War, etc) interacting with and reacting with the raw potential of the Void. It makes sense with the Wall being a bleak brutalist expanse of unmoving bone and dust, too. That could Wally's original, natural state: a solid block of grey, meaningless everything. It would explain his jealousy of us, why he takes our appearance, echoes aspects of our personalities, uses our voices, picks at our memories and experiences. It's why he's fascinated with us. It is the one thing he isn't, the one thing he can not have. Or--at least, couldn't have, before Albrecht's intrusion. This is a side-note, but I find it very interesting that Wally's missing finger seems to have limited him in some way, that now he's constrained by the Chains of Khra, implying that before Albrecht, he was not. Now I'm going to rewind waaay back to the topic of Wally being Albrecht's fear made manifest, and us defeating Wally by showing him love, not violence. Because... I don't think our love is enough to fix things on its own. It isn't us who needs to show him love and understanding. I think it has to be Albrecht.

The syndicate's plotline exploring a group of animals who had consciousness forced upon them, suddenly and violently and without consent, the difficulties they face grappling with it--I think that might echo the origin of the Man in the Wall. Consciousness being forced on not an animal, but the Void. You know the quote, "We are the Universe learning about itself?" Maybe in this case, the universe had a very shitty teacher.

And imagine this consciousness being thrust into the Void, taking form within it as an out-of-control chemical reaction, how might it attempt to communicate with Albrecht, with the first 'other' it ever encountered? Perhaps mirroring his form, speaking in his voice, using an endearing and personal term from his childhood: "Little Bengel?" What if, for those brief seconds, The Man in the Wall was not actively malicious? What if he was reaching towards Albrecht not seeking to trap him in a predatory "deal," but out of a sincere desire for connection? How would if feel then, to have your outstretched hand met with fear, disgust--a rejection so violent that your very fingers are severed by him slamming shut the door, an injury that leaves you weakened. A missing part of yourself, and nothing on your side of the wall to fill that hole with. Well it would make you a little bit bitter, I assume. And if those fingers are then used to perform miracles of science, to serve as the foundation for the triumph of an entire empire... you might feel a bit like you're owed. That bitterness may be compounded by the hypocrisy of it all, because all that you showed Albrecht was his own reflection. You might start to fixate on that hypocrisy, on those human flaws, on the parts of him that he didn't want to see. The reflection that he ran from, but further warped to emphasize what he tries to ignore. His shadow self. And so you haunt him with his shadow, because you want him to be forced to see. To acknowledge those parts of him he wishes he wasn't, but you're everything: you know. You won't let him ignore you, to deny you. You are now a jealous, bitter thing. A hungry ghost. You shove these flaws and bits of self-hatred back in his face because you want to make him look at them. To look in the mirror. ....To look at you. To acknowledge you exist. To see you as a thinking, feeling being. And I do think our Tenno are capable of this. To see the Man in the Wall not as "The Other," but as Another. The opposite of Indifference. I think that will be an important part of our story. But our story is not all of the story. It was not just any memory of love that drove back the Indifference, it was Albrecht's love. Unfortunately, I don't think Albrecht as we know him is capable of this, at least not as he is. He speaks of Wally as a malicious force, a cosmic evil that must be fought and only he is brilliant enough to figure out how. Even now, he refers to his reflection only with terms of disgust and shame. For all his monologues about guilt and his grand designs of martyrdom... he still thinks only in terms of himself. He thinks he understands his own guilt, and Wally delights in demonstrating all the ways that he does not. "If I must be a demon, may I be an honest one." That statement is, itself, dishonest. Albrecht is not a demon. He is human.

And that's what he's so deeply, violently afraid of admitting, the fear the entire Orokin civilization built itself on top of as foundation. I believe that is the fear that manifested in The Man in the Wall. And THAT is the kind of cosmic horror I want to see, while also feeling very Warframe. Crossing my fingers we get something closer to this and not just Albrecht accidentally (or purposely?) becoming an evil quantum demon. There's actually like. A whole other section to this I was going to yammer on about but it's now 4:30 AM and whooopppsssssssss

[electrobyte96]

Why can't I just feel... "right"? (a vent by me) (Warning: LONG)

This will probably need some form of content warning here, but I can't think of anything specific right now. I will edit them in just below this paragraph if someone wants some here.

CW: //TODO

I found myself this morning browsing some transformation related subreddits, and ended up reflecting on myself (I will just go ahead and blame r/tf_irl for sparking this specific moment of reflection).

The obvious question: What is drawing me to this type of content?

The most honest answer I can give is, that I don't like my body. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel "me". And it bothers me a lot.

Needless to say, I am not particularly "in-tune" with my own body.

A striking example would be how I suddenly started to wet the bed regularly as a child and only managed to fix it by the month of my 21st birthday. As it turned out, I was unwittingly neglecting my (male) body's sexual needs, and the solution was to engage with it from time to time. And it still took like a year to figure everything out. Not to mention the solution was suggested by a friend.

Funny tangent aside; I would probably be fine if a disconnect between my self and my body was all there is to it.

In hindsight, I am surprised how early I recognized this part of me in a way. A feeling I would describe today as a sort of envy. I clocked it the first time when I started sensing a pattern in the characters I made for games like World of Warcraft and TES IV: Oblivion, although it took me much longer to realize that what I was doing was engaging in wish fulfillment. I once told my older brother this pattern, but his reaction made me hesitant to bring it up to anyone else.

The problem with wish fulfillment, however, is that it is confined to fantasy, unless a path towards it is available. Like an itch I couldn't quite scratch, this only grew to bother me more and more. I would go so far as to say that it has come to genuinely upset me.

If you have been reading this far, I want to thank you hearing me out. It is time for me to get to the point. I expect to be losing some people at this point.

The problem I have with my body is that is it human. I have an entire list of things I would rather be.

Dragons, Gryphons, Lizardfolk, Werewolves. If you can name it -and especially if you would call someone a furry over liking it- I probably imagined myself being that instead of what my body happens to be.

I even have this weird feeling at the base of my spine, as if I had some kind of phantom tail; a reminder of what I am missing.

All of this is really, genuinely upsetting me.

And that's so dumb!

What kind neuro-chemical process fucked up to make "No tail. Sad. :'(" a possible psychological effect a person could have? The modern human species never had tails! The fuck you mean I'm "missing mine"?

Everyone has to play the hand life deals us. All the things, like body or sexual attraction or whatever, that makes us "us". But I am starting to wonder if some of the cards are AI-generated. And I know, no casino in the world would accept me playing a Kree of Dubs.

I honestly don't know what to call this "condition", but I know how it weighs on me mentally. Don't know if that makes me an "otherkin". I am painfully aware that I am human and always have been human, so this might disqualify me.

From the day I was born, to the day of my death, I am human. And there are very few things I despise more.

Before I end this post, I just want to emphasize that I am intellectually fully aware how fucking stupid this thing is. Including how I am posting my grievances on the internet instead of bringing it up with my therapist. Although I don't know how they could help me with... that.

Also shout-out to trans people. You guys (gender neutral) probably recognized some similarities to your body dysphoria, so you know I kinda relate, I think. Even though I can't join you, I wish you luck your own path to be the "you" you want to be.

I don't know what to tag this post, and I am willing to take suggestions.

[eyedruple]

hi um do yuo mind if i can yap about butter a little bit. i get a little nervy whenever i talk too much but like... yeah whatever this is copied from a doc so ignore the walls of text

he's a transgender man who likes any pronouns but prefers going by he/it the most. he's unlabelled but really likes men. like, a lot.

actually used to be a lab experiment which is how it got all the ungulate traits; he has a mix of goat and cow DNA. he's extremely hyperfixated on science and biology to a worrying degree… he knows waaaayyyyy too much about anatomy, bones, blood vessel placements, body humors, and which organs someone could survive without. definitely thinks that re-animator and the human centipede are works of art. it would lobotomize someone for half a can of sprite.

EXTREMELY FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD HE HAS 2000 THINGS WRONG WITH HIM! borderline unsettling and probably straight up weird. freakiest freak you'll ever freak with. he probably has like undiagnosed autism, psychotic depression, bpd and ocd but we don't need to worry about that.do not be in the same room as him he will either spent the next 3 hours yapping about trepanation or just straight up try to experiment on you for science.

covered literally head-to-toe with scars—self-inflicted or otherwise. wears all those layers because he's scared of showing them off, so it gets really overheated all the time.

lowkey the winner of the blunt rotation ngl. it could smoke an entire joint or maybe five and still be semi-conscious enough after the fact. it’d fuck him up though.

really blind without his glasses he turns into velma without them. super sensitive to light but can see surprisingly well in complete darkness. its eyes are reflective like a kitty cat. they probably dilate when he's happyhappy or super-duper interested in someting…

he's super autistic about, like, a lotta thangs. here's just a short list: anatomy, vulture culture, bugs, cults, chemistry, horror films, true crime, anatomy, bones, cats, psychology, and anatomy.

its really good at baking :3 he likes to make brownies, cookies, and cupcakes.

quite literally never takes care of himself yet somehow his hair is constantly in flawless condition and very soft (smells like freshly baked bread and butter:))—he spends fifteen minutes styling it every morning and will have earthbread's most explosive crash-out if his hair gets fucked up. it neglects its personal hygiene a lot because he gets way too absorbed in its interests and/or work. also he doesn't wear any makeup, his eyelashes just do that.

doesn't really value having friends or colleagues but when he does he gets way too attached to them. like, to an extremely obsessive and honestly clingy degree. at one moment he's such a little creature and niceys and the next moment he's giving you the cold shoulder again like a little dick (like me fr…:sad:)

gives little head bumps to show affection to others like a cat but would probably stab them by accident with his big horns. he really likes head pets, but don't tell it i said that he's too embarrassed to admit it.

talks big shit but insult him once and his ego shatters so quickly. transforms him into a pathetic shaking little wet cat.he really craves validation no matter how cold he comes across.

one section of its tail is super bandaged up because it picks at the skin or bites it as a stim.

favourite music genre is rock and heavy metal because it somehow keeps him focused; it's ironic because he also will get seriously overstimulated from any sort of loud noise (big ear woes :sadface:) it also listens to xtratuna music sososo much and would probably play an under’s tale at the function to piss people off.

he made the mimic btw

ALL PEAK . ALL PEAK . it and minty are bumping heads and hissing at eachother like cats btw #1 oppositions over here . also I hope you know the last sentence sent me flying like a throw back attack