#also i currently live with my aunts and no way in hell are they gonna let me bring Rodents into the house lmao

[wellthatschaotic]

i want. Creature. so bad

[talltalesandbedtimestories]

Wash. RINSE. Repeat. - Dean x Reader/OFC

"Rinse" is Part 3 of the Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Series

Rating Mature

Dean x Reader/OFC

Tags: Canon-compliant (or trying to be), Season 3, Lots of Angst, Demon Assault/Attempted Sexual Assault (trigger), Show Level Gore/Violence, Language, Pining, Dean is infuriating at times, Sam is the sweetest, Main character death (offscreen; but, it's Supernatural, so you know, it's probably not sticking)

Word Count: 15,000

Summary: The boys stink. Something needs to be done about it.

The above summary was something I came up with when I thought this was going to be a fun little one shot. (hah! stupid writer and her stupid assumptions. how dare she think she can make plans and have Sam and Dean adhere to them.) It still applies to the beginning (and this sniff, sniff theme may come up again) but I'm going to add that this story is a first person reader insert that weaves in and out of show canon.

"Rinse" won't make a lick of sense if you haven't read the other parts. If you want to read the previous installments, you can find them on AO3 -- WASH -- PRE-RINSE

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "Friends Becoming Strangers" square.

A huge thanks to @jacklesversebingo for allowing me to use one of my bingo squares in a part of a story I was currently working on. These bingo prompts have genuinely tested my creativity and provided some meaty plot twists. Thank you, thank you!

Rinse

~ Six Months Later ~

I bolt upright in bed, mid-gasp.

My heart pounds. Flashes of what caused my pulse to race appear in the curtain call of each blink.

Bobby. In the dark with a flashlight. In his house? Sneaking around, like he’s investigating an unfamiliar place. Then, he was attacked by something. Thrown to the floor in his kitchen. A blur of arms clawing. A screeching sound that wasn’t human.

What the hell? I shake the shiver out of my spine and glance over at the alarm clock. Fifteen minutes before it goes off. There’s no way I’ll get back to sleep. I resign myself to get out of bed and start the day.

It’s gonna be a busy one at Hoyt and Hagan. There are two client appointments on the calendar. I’ve got some note taking during and transcribing to do after each of them.

I debate with myself in the shower as to when I should check on Bobby. It’s still too early and he’ll only scoff in my ear at the unnecessary concern.

I decide I’ll call him during my lunch break, all nonchalant like. Hey Bobby, it’s your favorite psychic nut job, poking out of hunter hibernation for some updates.

Just to be sure he’s okay.

I grab a slice and a soda at Tony’s Pizza Parlor for lunch. The four block walk gives me a chance to stretch my legs and see if they’ll be short staffed over the next week. I need to bulk up my car maintenance fund. According to Nate at Carl’s Auto Shop, I will probably need to replace the brake pads in a few months. Before the squeaks turn into screeches at every stop.

Gary’s working the counter. I try not to fuss with my hair too much in his presence. His dimples drill into his cheeks with a bright smile. My stomach spins like it’s in a washing machine. I ask him how his Aunt Cheryl is doing. The swoony, sensitive six footer moved back to Matamoras when his only living relative, Cheryl Somers, fell ill and couldn’t take care of herself anymore.

It’s been five months since Gary arrived and became ubiquitous around this tiny town where you only have to breathe heavily to become the subject of juicy gossip. He works a variety of service jobs. I’m blessed that one of them is at Tony’s. My random shifts have intersected with his on occasion. I am also cursed because I still haven’t gotten the nerve to get past simple pleasantries. Mainly I worry I’ll slip about my personal details or he’ll ask me a question about my family. And, I’ll have to lie. Because he’d never believe the truth. The people that would understand are just as damaged as I am.

Playing at normal is tough.

I scoot into a booth that has a nice vantage of the counter so I can spy on Gary. I pry the greasy pepperoni one by one from the stringy mozzarella. The deconstruction exercise prolongs my excuse to hang around with my solitary slice. I mindfully chew. Taste buds light up with oregano, tomato sauce, processed toppings, and velvety cheese.

The one brain cell not focused on Gary reminds me about Bobby. I dab at my face with a one-ply scratchy napkin, then tap in the start of a phone number I know by heart on my cell. Bobby’s name appears from my contacts after the fifth digit.

I’m still miffed about Garth accidently dropping my old phone in the depths of the Delaware when he visited six months back. He felt so bad he drove me to the nearest cell phone store and bought me a new one right on the spot. He got me a newer and nicer model. It didn’t make up for all the contacts and messages I lost, though. It took me weeks to connect with almost everyone I could remember.

I wait for Bobby to pick up. It rings. And rings. And rings. The voicemail answers. “You’ve reached Bobby. You know what to do.”

I know what to do, but I hang up instead. I’m that person that hits redial and gives it another try. Bobby is prone to leaving his cell phone atop a stack of books or on the kitchen counter as he hops from room to room. So, there’s a chance he might…

“You’ve reached Bobby. You know what to do.”

I sigh and collect my words. “Hey, Bobby. It’s been a bit. Wanted to see how you’re doing. Nothing much new on this end. Give me a call, though, soon. Yeah? Been told my car’s gonna need new brake pads. Wanna make sure I’m not getting hosed on the cost to replace them. Okay? Thanks. Bye.”

“Who’s Bobby?” The voice drifts over my shoulder from behind me.

Oh God. Gary’s asking that question. I’m gonna have to turn and actually make eye contact and answer. I swallow and rotate in the booth a bit. He’s wiping down the table, tray filled with trash in his grasp. Wavy jet black bangs obscure his eyes for a brief second. It’s not enough time before his onyx irises gaze with interest in my direction.

“Huh?” I pretend I didn’t hear him.

“Who’s Bobby? He’s not the only guy that knows a thing or two about cars.” His smile is bright. “I could probably help you out. Take a look.”

“Oh.” I want to bang my head into the table to shake out any words that are longer than one syllable. “That’s… that’s…”

“He family? Bobby?” Gary stands beside my booth now.

“Yeah.”

Gary nods. “Well, offer’s available if you need it.” Someone, maybe Maribel, shouts his name across the restaurant. “Good luck.” He darts away.

“Thanks.” I groan at my suave communication skills.

~~~~

(Italicized Dialogue from S3, Episode 10, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” - Teleplay by Cathryn Humphris; Story by Sera Gamble & Cathryn Humphris)

Dean sat at Bobby’s hospital bedside. 

It’d only been a couple days since he got the call. A doctor had been looking for a Mr. Snyderson.

Bobby enjoyed informing Dean years ago of the name he would have to answer to if he received a call from someone in search of Bobby Singer’s emergency contact. 

“How the hell’d you get yourself into this mess, Bobby?” he asked aloud.

Dean wondered if Bobby had picked the name Edgar Snyderson so that would be all John’s eldest son would focus on. Not the fact that if he ever heard it uttered by anyone else, it would be because Bobby wouldn’t be able to call him a numbnut or an idjit.

Sam was due back any minute. Dean’d tasked Sam with the research part of this mystery, which included combing through the collage of pictures and news clippings hidden on the back closet wall in Bobby’s hotel room.

The room where his comatose body had been found.

Dean had gone to the university to dig up any information on a Dr. Walter Gregg, whose obit had graced Bobby’s case board. Finding out about unapproved dream studies led to the name of a test subject, Jeremy Frost. The college kid made it clear the doctor had been playing fast and loose with his research and the people involved. That equalled a whole lot of potential enemies and nefarious insinuators. Bobby was probably close to figuring out who the murderer was.

The machines whirred and beeped around the man he’d bet his life on, if he had much left of it to wager. 

Dean was shy of six months before his demon bill came due.

“I don’t need you rolling out the red carpet for me in the hereafter. Pretty sure you ain’t gonna be taking a sauna or walking over raked coals. But we don’t need you practicing your harp skills anytime soon, either.” He bit his tongue at the name that almost slipped out. He tried not to mention her if he could help it. The more time went on, the more he hoped it would stick; his nonexistence for her. “It’d kill her if something happened to you.” He nodded to no one. “We’ll figure this out.”  

As if on cue, his studious brother entered the room. “How is he?”

“No change.” Dean wiped a hand over his face and stood to meet Sam by the tray table at the edge of the bed. “What you got?”

“Well, considering what you told me about the Doc’s experiments, Bobby’s wall is starting to make a hell of a lot more sense.”

“How so?”

“This plant, Silene Capensis, also known as African Dream Root, it’s been used by shamans and medicine men for centuries.”

“Let me guess – they dose up, bust out the didgeridoos, and start kicking around the hacky.”

Sam scoffed. “Not quite. If you believe the legends, it’s used for dream walking. I mean entering another person’s dreams, poking around in their heads.”

“I take it we believe the legends.”

“When don’t we? But dream-walking is just the tip of the iceberg.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this dream root is some serious mojo. You take enough of it, with enough practice, you can become a regular Freddy Krueger. You can control anything. You could turn bad dreams good. You could turn good dreams bad.”

“And killing people in their sleep.” Dean added the obvious.

“For example. So, let’s say this doc was testing the stuff on his patients Tim Leary-Style.”

“Somebody gets pissed at him, decides to give him a little dream visit, he goes nighty-night.”

“But what about Bobby? I mean if the killer came after him, how come he’s still alive?”

They both stared at Bobby.

“I don’t know.” Dean tapped Sam in the middle of his chest. “Come on. Man needs as much beauty rest as he can get before we wake him. And a kiss on the lips better not end up being the cure.” He strolled to the doorway and turned back in time to see Sam making his way to Bobby’s side.

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve ever had to do to save someone.” Sam chided in a soft whisper over his shoulder towards Dean. “Stay strong until we can figure this out, Bobby.” His gigantor hand gripped Bobby’s pale one.

Dean marched out into the hallway in wait. Something heavy lodged in the base of Dean’s throat. He swallowed but the fear wouldn’t loosen. The possibility of losing Bobby. The memories of his father in the hospital right before he died kept rising to the surface. He didn’t want to think about it anymore.

Sam finally joined him. They walked down the hall towards the nurse’s station and the elevators. Their steps got into that synced soldier rhythm they easily fell into often. Dean wished it would continue in silence. But out of the corner of his eye he spotted Sam’s mouth open and close. Trying out the lines in his head before he’d have to share what he was thinking.

With that much thought, Dean knew it wasn’t going to be anything good.

When it was only the two of them in the elevator going down, Sam spoke. “Am I gonna have to be the one that mentions the elephant in the room?”

Dean’s gaze lifted to the ceiling. He sighed.

“We gotta call her, Dean.”

“No. We don’t. We’re gonna handle it so she doesn’t have to ever know what kind of danger Bobby was in.”

“She deserves to know,” Sam mumbled. “Bobby’s important to her. Plus, all of this dream stuff…”

“Sam,” Dean started.

Sam got his hands and arms in the conversation now, waving them about. “She should be here!”

“No!” Dean huffed, raising his voice back at Sam. He glanced at the number display. “I still need to work this case with you. I shouldn’t even be in the same state as her, let alone the same room. We can’t risk that, Sam. Not again.”

“You of all people know what she’s capable of. She could get into Bobby’s head.”

“Yeah. You know it. I know it. Bobby knows it. But, as far as we know, Elena doesn’t. As long as she doesn’t remember me, she won’t be doing any ‘Wonder Twins, Activate’ shit. And we’re gonna keep it that way.”

“Dean!”

“No. Bobby’s been onboard with the plan, all of it, for the past six months. Last I checked, you were, too.”

“Not like you gave any of us a choice.” Sam snarked. 

Dean ignored the jab. “Bobby’d want us to exhaust every other option before we pull her into something like this. Again.” He pointed at the floor as the door’s slid open. “We find another way.” He waved a hand for Sam to exit first. “Let’s go, Sherlock.” They covered the distance quickly to another set of double doors. “So, how do we find our homicidal little sandman?”

“It could be anyone.” Sam stated, looking thoroughly exasperated.

“Yeah?”

Yeah.

Dean rattled off possible suspects. “Anyone who knew the doctor, had access to his dream shrooms.”

“Maybe one of his test subjects or something?”

“Possible, but his research is pretty sketchy. I mean, we don’t know how many subjects he had or who all of them were.”

Sam scoffed.

“What?” Dean asked.

Sam sighed, long and deep. “In any other case, we’d be calling Bobby and asking him for help right now.”

Dean halted, pulled at Sam’s forearm to stop his brother’s stride. “Know what? You’re right.”

“What?”

“Let’s go talk to him.”

“Sure. I think we might find the conversation a bit one-sided.”

“Not if we’re tripping on some Dream Root.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

~~~~

There’s been no response from Bobby by the end of my work day.

Something was up. A car question always ensured Bobby would return a call within hours.

I call the other hunter who knows almost everyone’s business as much as Bobby does.

“Elle Woods.” Garth coos his nickname for me. I still don’t get how he made the connection between me and the fictional main character in Legally Blonde. “How’re you doin? To what do I owe this honor?”

“Hey, Garth. I’m trying to get a hold of Bobby. He’s not answering my calls.”

“Oh?” The one syllable expresses confusion.

“Yeah.”

“When’d you last talk to him?”

“It’s been about a month.” My face warms at the confession.

“Oh.” The one syllable is laced with judgment.

I let the guilt was over me as I wait.

“Hm. Well, I had to call him about a case I worked in Baton Rouge, Louisiana last week. There was this circus in town and a murder pinned on one of the performers. Killer clowns couldn’t turn their victims into a pile of green goo last I checked.” Garth chuckles.

I veer the conversation back. “Was he okay? Everything good at the salvage yard?”

“Oh, well, he wasn’t home. Was working his own case.”

My skin tingles at the news. It’s not surprising to hear. Bobby hunts on occasion. It’s more the reminder of the dream I had of him that morning that puts me on edge. “Where was he?”

Garth sighs. “If memory serves right, he was investigating something that happened at a university in, I think, Pittsburgh.”

“Okay, thanks Garth.”

“Sure thing, sweets. Want me to try and check in on him, too?”

I smile. “Appreciate it.”

“I’ll tell him to call you ASAP if I make contact.”

“Thanks.”

“No problemo.”

“Talk soon.”

I hang up. Pittsburgh. It’s clear across in western Pennsylvania. A good six-hour drive from me. Couldn’t be any farther from Matamoras and in the same state. It makes sense he wouldn’t bother to call me. Not like he could do a quick pop in.

Still.

I click my teeth. Moments later, I’m clicking away at the keyboard, searching anything weird over the wire that matches what Garth told me. Only one news headline has me screaming Yahtzee in my head. There’s mention of a university neurologist dying in his sleep. Cause: Unknown.

It’s not much. But, it would catch Bobby’s eye. And he’d do some digging. So, I do the same. The neurologist was the research head of a large, ongoing sleep study. And, another article hints that his death may have been the result of foul play.

I then do what Bobby always suggests I do when I can’t get a hold of him and he’s off on a case somewhere. I contact hospitals in the area.

By the third phone call, I’ve found him. All I can get out of the medical staff is that he’s unresponsive and been in their care for a few days.

An hour later, I’m on I-80, headed to Pittsburgh.

My brakes are squeaking big time.

~~~~ 

(Italicized Dialogue from S3, Episode 10, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” - Teleplay by Cathryn Humphris; Story by Sera Gamble & Cathryn Humphris)

My driver’s license (fake) gets me the information I need at the hospital. Next of kin and all that. A doctor runs through the updates on Bobby’s current medical state while we stand at the nurse’s station. It's good news. Bobby woke up a few hours ago.

The doc questions why I wasn’t listed as an emergency contact. He mentions that they had to call a Mr. Snyderson instead. I shrug, rattling off that my Dad probably doesn’t think I know how to manage an emergency.

I wonder who the hell Mr. Snyderson is as I get Bobby’s room number and am pointed in the direction to find it. Mainly I’m relieved that the closest thing I have to family - that hasn’t disowned me - is conscious and doing fine by all accounts.

I don’t even need to check the number, hearing Bobby’s voice drift out into the hall from a room just up ahead on the right. “We better work fast… and coffee up. ‘Cause the one thing we cannot do is fall asleep.”

I take a cautious step in and prepare to meet “Mr. Snyderson.” A very tall figure with expansive shoulders stands at the side of Bobby’s bed. His broad back is to the doorway. It’s the moppy head of hair that I recognize first. My brain swims with sudden knowledge and memory. I feel overwhelmed and a bit lightheaded.

Sam. Sam Winchester. A hunt. We worked a hunt together a couple years ago. Road tripped from Maine to California. I even remember spending some time with him at Bobby’s after a car accident he’d been in with his dad. I’m also struck with the fact that he lost his dad. The scattered moments don’t have any connective tissue that I can discern. They catch my attention like twinkling ornaments atop a Christmas tree. Each represents some commemorative event I need to be reminded of.

Bobby sees me in the doorway. His face runs a litany of emotions. Serious to surprised. Welcoming to worried. “L.” He whispers.

I smile. Sam spins. His rotation hints at the shape of someone sitting on the other side of Bobby’s bed. Sam settles with a stare at me and walls off the stranger for the time being.

Sam’s as cute as I remember. There’s a bit more mass to him. And then, I remember us bonding over his psychic abilities. It’s disorienting, the flashes and pops of life bursting out of hibernation.

“L?” Bobby asks. “You doin’ alright there, kid?”

I shake my head and manage a smile again. “Considering I’m visiting you in the hospital, don’t you think I should be the one asking that question?” I hesitate at the awkward glances Sam and Bobby shoot each other. I flap my hands at my sides. “Hey, Sam. How are you doing? Been a while.”

His eyes bug. “H-Hey Elina. Yeah. I’m, I’m doin’ pretty well.” A hand scratches the side of his neck. “How’s things in Matamoras?”

“Good. Doing my best to stay out of trouble.” I point a finger at him. “Are you Mr. Snyderson, who got the call about Bobby instead of me?”

“That’d be me.” There’s a terse answer from the other side of the room. The figure is still hidden by Sam. A scrape of chair legs follows.

Sam swallows. Hard. He steps to the side.

My gaze lands on a pair of bright green eyes staring back. The guy is male model attractive. My skin warms up in a reflexive response to all that pretty. “You can call me Dean, though.” He smirks.

“Dean?” The name registers instantly. “Sam’s brother?”

He nods and puffs his chest out. I can’t quite tell if it’s a smug posture or if he’s donning some invisible protective armor.

“He-” I start to fill the gaps in my mind as my mouth reveals the facts. “Sam’s mentioned you.” Older brother. Cocky. Pain in the ass. Overbearing.

I don’t get a response in return. Instead, Dean turns to Bobby. “We’ll touch base if we hear anything else.” He rounds the edge of the hospital bed and taps Sam on the arm. All I get is a quick nod from Dean before he disappears.

“See ya.” Sam smiles, lips scrunched tight. He stumbles past me out of the room, following his older, shorter brother.

Yeah, I’ve met my share of guys like that before. Bad boys have never done me any favors. Way more trouble than they’re worth. I keep reminding myself of that as I catch one last glimpse of Dean Winchester in the hallway before Sam shuts the door behind him.

When it’s only the two of us, I hurry over and give the old man a careful embrace. He taps my back in assurance. “I’m fine.”

I peel away and stand to squint at him. “Let me guess? Fine enough to hop back into solving whatever caused this.” I plant my hands on my hips. “Why can’t you fall back asleep? And why does that Dean dude rank as your emergency contact?”

He squints back at me. “The Winchester boys are family, too, L.”

“Sam’s what you’d call an absolute peach, Bobby, I’ll give you that. But, I don’t have any firsthand experience with Dean to make a judgment call.”

“Hm.” Bobby nods slowly. “Could’ve sworn you’ve met both of them.”

“Nope.” I definitely would have remembered Dean Winchester.

~~~~

I knock on the door to Bobby’s room at The Aviary Hotel.

There’s a delay. I can hear some cursing and arguing as I wait. The taller squatter opens the door part way in greeting. “El.” Sam smiles.

“Hi.”

“Everything alright?” A hand stuffs into a pocket and he leans against the door, filling up the space.

“Bobby’s probably getting released tomorrow morning.”

“That’s great news.”

“It is. I figured I’d grab him some clean clothes for his discharge.” I sweep a hand towards him. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, uh…” Sam stammers.

“For chrissakes.” Dean’s voice interrupts. An arm pushes Sam back into the room and out of the way. Dean grimaces at Sam before giving me a dose of all that attitude. “Listen, Elena, it’s great that you’ve decided to come all this way and play nursemaid. But, we’ve got actual case work to do. So, would you make it quick?”

I blink at the condescending tone. Bobby filled me in on the details back at the hospital. I had felt a little sympathy at the predicament Dean has found himself in. HAD. “Oh, of course. Certainly don’t want to interfere with all your great case work. Is there another suspect you need to give a DNA sample to?”

Dean’s irritation crumbles. He looks like a shamed puppy that’s peed on the carpet.

“Don’t mind him, El.” Sam pulls the door all the way open. “We’re all a little high strung at the moment.”

I scoot in between the brothers. The room’s wallpaper is a feathery explosion in blues, greens and yellows. “Well, the decor isn’t going to help calm anyone down,” I critique.

Dean flops in a sad looking armchair and grabs sheets of paper on a nearby side table to study with intense interest.

Hospitality must be Dean Winchester’s middle name.     

“Get you something to drink?” Sam strolls by Dean, backhanding Dean’s bicep along the way. Dean pays him no mind.

I wave a hand. “Nope. Just point me in the direction of Bobby’s stuff and I’ll be out of here.”

Sam offers a soft smile in apology and gestures to a set of louvered bifold doors. The room is crazy huge. A full kitchen and another door that must lead to the bathroom make up the other half. There’s a desk on this side of the living area. More papers litter its surface, along with a laptop that I recognize as Sam’s (various stickers are slapped on top).

Yep, the brothers have made themselves at home. The double beds have been slept in by the state of the sheets. I smell greasy fast food.

When I open the closet, Bobby’s entire wardrobe is hung up. I grab the empty duffle from the closet floor. “Was he planning on moving here?” I frown to myself. When I remove the first plaid ensemble from a hanger I spot the case board on the back closet wall. “Ah, of course.” I take my time and fold one shirt with care before packing it. Then another. Taking my sweet time as I take in all the information.

I decide to inquire with the friendlier Winchester. “So, Sam. Bobby told me what happened to him.” I turn to see him sitting at the desk. Dean’s in my field of view in the background as well, still reading. I attempt a poke. “That he was stupid enough to make himself a prime lullaby target of this Frost kid.” Dean’s mouth purses but he doesn’t look over. “Got any ideas yet on how he gets some shut eye without being murdered?”

Sam sighs. “No.”

I want to ask if he’s thought about using his powers while he’s asleep and under the influence of the African Dream Root again. But I don’t know how Dean feels about his brother’s powers. Or, if he even knows for certain. My memory is still hazy and I don’t want to risk outing him or stirring up a touchy subject. Something tells me Dean wouldn’t handle Sam’s powers well if he did know.

“Well, if you need me to try and make contact with someone on the other side, let me know. I mean I haven’t done it in a while, but I can always give Bobby’s friend Pam a call if I need some guid-”

Dean bolts out of his chair. Papers crumple in his tight fist. “We don’t need you to do anything.” The dismissive tone matches the inconsequential way he stares at me. “We don’t need anyone else fucking things up.”

Sam rotates in the seat, arm resting along the chair back. His bewildered and angry expression towards Dean is all I focus on. My cheeks warm at the berating from this stranger with a chip on his shoulder the size of the Grand Canyon. 

“From what I hear,” Dean continues, “you are giving the normal life the good ole college try back in Montezuma. I suggest you keep it that way. And get as far away from all this as you can.” His voice cracks at the end. That sound makes me dare to lift my gaze back to him.

He’s trying his best to be an all-knowing asshole. But something’s cracking the veneer. I don’t think he’ll be able to keep it up for much longer. For a moment, I want to march right into this guy’s personal space and slap him. Right before I hug him. But it’s a fleeting inkling. I nod at him. “I’ll get this stuff to Bobby. Sounds like the both of you can handle picking him up at the hospital in the morning.” I inhale and prop up a smile as I turn to Sam. It’s the only way I’ll keep my lips from quivering.

Sam’s brows angle down. “I’m sorry, El.” He whispers.

I shake my head. I can’t speak. If I do, I’ll cry. And I don’t fucking know why my body is reacting like this to the things Dean Winchester said to me. 

My heart is racing. I walk with lightning speed to the door.

My brakes are squeaking big time back to Matamoras. 

~~~~

Sam’s tired. He should be the one sleeping in the back seat.

He’s the one that’s lived through and remembered hundreds of Tuesdays where Dean died. He didn’t have the blessing(?) of a memory wipe with every morning reset. Now, he panics when he stumbles upon a radio station playing the chorus of Asia’s most well known song. He woke up on so many Tuesdays to “the heat of the moment.” Those words grate like fingernails across a chalkboard every time he hears it. Hearing that music always makes him question for a couple seconds if he’s been dropped back into Groundhog Day Hell.

One Tuesday did have a Wednesday after it. Without Dean. 

Sam’s lived six months without Dean already. The Trickster showed him what life would be like without his brother. Sam spent those six months obsessed, determined to find a way to bring Dean back from the dead. He’d convinced the Trickster to snap his fingers and take him back to a Wednesday where Dean lived. Honestly, the Trickster probably got bored of Sam’s sulking and found another puppet’s strings to pull. But, regardless, Sam got his brother back.

He hasn’t bothered to share any of what happened during those six months with Dean (or that one of his deaths actually stuck). Not when they’re trying to prevent Dean from going to hell.

Sam’s need to fix messes could be considered heroic –maybe even to him– if he wasn’t the reason the messes were created.

Sam’s not sure how much one person is expected to withstand. If he and Dean are in some kind of tragedy endurance contest, he’d like to tap out, please, and wave the white flag in surrender. But, then, he thinks about Dean going it alone. When he decides that’s not an option, he straightens up, plants his feet, and braces for the next wave of sorrow to pummel him.

So, yeah, Sam’s tired. But still determined that his brother’s not gonna die. Not anytime soon. Not if he has a say in the matter. Especially when Dean’s no longer resigned to the inevitable of his demon deal coming to fruition.

Sam can push through the exhaustion and fight for Dean’s future because even Dean wants a chance at what’s possible for himself.

Sam saw it with his very own eyes in Dean’s dream. Not the dream Dean’s currently having in the backseat. In between snuffles and snores he’s mumbling nonsense (something about wrenches and spanners). No, what Sam witnessed in Dean’s dream months back proved Dean thinks about a future of what ifs.

The dream had occurred days after he and Dean had managed to wake Bobby from the nightmare coma courtesy of Jeremy Frost. Days after Dean found himself in grave danger of becoming Jeremy’s next victim.

Dean hadn’t slept for days. The threat of never waking up again meant classic rock on full blast in Baby. Gallons of coffee. A concerning amount of No-Doze pills that Dean most definitely wasn’t taking to cram for a college exam.

Bobby had kept himself awake researching with Bela. In between, he spent a lot of time fuming at Dean for the way he’d sent Elina packing. Dean brushed off Bobby's grumpy attitude and reminded him it was best for Elina.

Dean had eventually reached a breaking point, gave his safety a big ole’ “fuck you,” and decided sleep was worth the risk. He’d driven Baby to a clearing off the road, parked her, and leaned back to close his eyes.

Sam harvested some of Dean’s hair right off the scalp, insisting that if Dean was going under he’d need someone to watch his back in the dreamworld.

When they’d both roused from sleep in the Impala nothing had seemed off.

Until Elina popped up in the backseat.

“Finally!” Elina exclaimed.

Sam almost pogoed off the bench at the sound made by a person that most definitely could not be there.

She bopped first Dean’s, then Sam’s, shoulder with a folded up newspaper. “Geez, you two were really knocked out.” Her elbows and arms draped atop the front bench’s backrest. “I was gonna give you five more minutes of beauty sleep. I know you both need it.” 

Dean’s eyes widened, staring at her. His lips parted.

Sam dared to interact with the apparition. “El, what are you doing here?”

Her brows furrowed. She nodded in pensive thought. “I ask myself that question every day, Sam. What the hell am I doing with my life, hunting with the likes of you two?” She nudged Dean’s shoulder with an elbow and grinned at him. “Saving people: an absolutely non-existent way to earn a living, am I right?”

Dean nodded back and offered a confused smile. “R-right.”

Elina looked from Dean to Sam then back to Dean. “You okay?”

Dean nodded with increased fervor and turned in his seat to give her his full attention. “Yeah.”

“Better be. I think I found us a case.” She presented the paper to Sam. “Take a look.”

Sam took the offering and gazed at the front page. A jumble of letters littered the paper like a word search puzzle. “What are we looking at?” Sam bluffed.

“A man was found dead in the famous confectionery amusement park in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Police hadn’t released details of the death to the public.” She tapped the spot that appeared to be a headline. “An anonymous source talked to this reporter and said the guy that died had been literally encased in a chocolate mold. You know, like those chocolate bunnies? Only this was a gigantic chocolate dude. Impossible to create anything like that in the on-site factory.”

“Solid Milk Murder,” Dean mumbled. Sam watched his older brother fixate his gaze away on Elina’s face.

“Get this,” Elina continued. “This reporter did more digging into the victim’s life. Six months prior his father had died. Dad had been a supervisor at a candy factory in a Delaware beach town. He’d been pulled to pieces in a taffy stretching machine.” She scooted behind Dean and wrapped her arms around him. Dean stiffened in shock. “Sticky situation,” she mumbled into Dean’s ear and then pecked him on the cheek. Dean closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. A small smile lined his lips. When his eyes blinked open and Adam's apple twitched with a swallow, he appeared to relax into the embrace. “I say the Three Amigos see if this is our kind of thing.”  

Before Sam or Dean could respond a noise rattled outside of the car. Elina flickered out, gone in an instant. There’d been no time for either of them to discuss what had happened. They quickly exited the car to investigate.

Dean manifested Lisa next. The scene was the perfect slice of Apple Pie Life. A picnic in the park. Lisa had even told Dean she loved him before disappearing.

Things went downhill from there. But, they’d made it out of the dream alive. Jeremy hadn’t, thanks to Sam turning the tables.

Unfortunately, Bela had broken into the safe in the hotel room and stolen the Colt. Bobby left them with a promise to be in touch if he got a lead on her or the gun’s whereabouts. That was the only thing they thought could kill Lilith.

Sam finished packing back at the hotel. A heavy mix of anger and defeat hung in the air. Quietly writing, Dean hunched over the desk in an attempt at privacy while Sam bounced around the room grabbing all their items. Sam spotted names on the envelopes Dean stuffed into his bag when he was done. One read Lisa. The other, Elina. 

It wasn’t until they headed out to the car and tossed the bags in the trunk that Dean spoke.

“Hey Sam, I was wondering, when you were in my head what did you see?”

“Uh, just Jeremy, he kept me separated from you. Easier to beat my brains out I guess. What about you? You never said.”

“Nothing. I was looking for you the whole time.”

As easy as it was for Sam to withhold all the dream details, he was pretty certain Dean was doing the same. 

The car doors creaked and squeaked. When they settled in the driver and passenger seat, Dean said, “Sam…”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve been doing some thinking. And… well, the thing is… I don’t want to die. I don’t want to go to hell.”

“All right, yeah. We’ll find a way to save you.”

“Okay, good.”

Sam’s lived through his own hell since Dean confessed wanting salvation from an eternity of torture. With everything they have been through, they’ve got nothing to show for it. They still aren’t any closer to finding Bela and the Colt and the magic bullet that will put an end to Dean’s demon deal.

The last case in Milan, Ohio and the monster they encountered fed off Dean’s fear of dying. The crocotta had used its powers to mimic their dad’s voice and contact Dean through the phone. The monster, claiming to be John, told Dean he could help him locate the demon that held his contract.

Dean had opened up to Sam after they’d defeated the crocotta back at the motel room.

(Dialogue - in italics - from Ep. Long Distance Call; written by Jeremy Carver)

“I wanted to believe so badly there was a way out of this. I mean, I’m staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell… for real, forever, and I’m just…”

“Yeah.”

“I’m scared, Sam. I’m really scared.”

“I know.”

“I guess I was willing to believe anything – you know, last act of a desperate man.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having hope, you know.”

“Hope doesn’t get you Jack Squat. I can’t expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can’t expect anybody to, you know? And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me.”

“And me.”

“‘And me’?”

“What?”

“Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that’s what you come back with – ‘And me’?”

“Do you want a poem?”

“Moments gone.” Dean turned on the television. “Unbelievable.” He passed Sam a beer and they drank in silence.

They’ve shaked and baked their way through a handful of demons since that case; trying to get any information on the real demon that holds Dean’s contract. But they keep hitting a brick wall. Whatever owns the agreement to Dean’s demise scares the holy hell out of every demon they’ve encountered.

Sam might have a lead on a novel way out of Dean’s contract. It doesn’t involve facing off with the Demon that makes every underling willingly choose an exorcism over betrayal. The solution may be wrapped up in the potential case they’re heading to in Erie, Pennsylvania. Sam knows it will be a hard sell if his hunch is right. But he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

For now, anyway, Sam’s got another trick up his sleeve. He offered to drive from Ohio into Pennsylvania so Dean could get some shut eye. The trek had taken longer because he passed right on by Erie. On purpose.

Sam’s luck ran out about an hour from the destination when Dean stretched and sat up in the backseat.

Sam clocked Dean in the rearview mirror. He checked his watch. Eyes widened. “What the hell? Did you drug me? I’ve been out for like seven hours.”

Sam had thought about knocking his brother out. Thankfully, he didn’t need to resort to that. Yet. 

Sam shrugged. “My smooth driving lulled you to sleep.”

“Yeah, right.” Dean chuckled.

Sam’s jaw clenched as he passed a highway distance sign that displayed the city where they were headed.

“Sam.” The mirth in Dean’s voice disappeared. “Sam,” he repeated. “Are you lost? You better be lost.”

Dean has always looked out for Sam. Sam knows, deep down, Dean’s always wanted happiness for him. Sam wants that for Dean, too. If Sam can unload Dean off to someone that might be able to help him get happiness in whatever form - whether it’s the hunting life with Elina or the suburban life with Lisa - why shouldn’t Dean get the chance to try? 

“Pull over,” Dean ordered.

Sam shook his head. “Nope.”

“Bitch, what the fuck?”

“Consider this a proactive discussion prior to the demon deal dissolution.”

Dean groaned. His head flopped onto the backrest. “I’m so kicking your ass when you stop this car. And, you’ve gotta stop eventually.”

“It’ll be worth it.” The hesitance in Sam’s voice contradicted the certainty of his words.

Dean was directly behind him now. Sam could feel Dean’s warm breath on the back of his neck as he huffed, “Really?”

Sam swallowed hard. “Yep. We’re gonna find a way to save you, Dean. And, when we do, Elena’s gonna remember all of it.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean murmured.

“Well, if she doesn’t, then Bobby and I will tell her everything that happened.” 

Dean slapped him upside the head.

“Jerk! I’m driving!” Sam exclaimed.

“It won’t change anything.” Dean slid to the middle of the back seat. “It won’t change how I feel. She’s better off without me, Sam, and you know it.”

“No, I don’t. And how would she know it when she doesn’t even remember you? You got a shit deal and Elena got dragged in as a free gift with your order.”

“I didn’t ask for that.”

“I know you didn’t. But, Dean,” –Sam glanced at his brother– “Elena didn’t ask for it either.”

“She’s trying the normal life thing. That’s good. I’d just complicate it all again.”

“You could give the normal life thing a try, too, you know.”

“You aren’t gonna shut up about this are ya?”

“Nope. Come on, no time like the present.” Because there’s literally no time, Sam thought.

~~~~

Ugh. No time!

I rummage through the jewelry box. Again. My gaze darts to the alarm clock on the nightstand. I should have left the apartment five minutes ago if I wanted to appear fashionably late. 

The attempt at nonchalance is no longer an option. I will now have to text Gary. 

Running later than expected. Wait for me?

Thoughts claw their way up the curtains in my head when I rush like this. I can’t find my grandmother’s rose gold necklace. I know I didn’t lose it. At least I hope not.

Are the blouse and skirt not dressy enough for Bella Notte? I forgot to ask Gary if it’s a formal restaurant. If I send another text it will be obvious I’m obsessing way more than I should. Maybe the outfit is too much? If it is, I probably don’t need the necklace, too. But now that I went searching for it and it’s not where I expected it to be, I have to find it.

My fingers thread through my hair and grip my skull. I’ve gotta calm my ass down. 

The phone chirps with news of a Gary response.

Nowhere I gotta be but waiting for a beautiful woman. Just don’t stand me up, alright? 

Gary’s flirting. And even through the technical distance of texting this attention increases the beating of my racing heart. I steady my fingers to type.

Of course not.

Screw it. It’s taken almost a year for this first date to happen. I can tear the apartment upside down for the necklace I was going to wear when I return. 

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the jewelry box mirror. I touch the soft leather cord around my neck. It doesn’t go with the blouse. But I promised Bobby I wouldn’t take the thing off when he gave it to me months ago. 

I sigh, thinking about the grouch in the hospital bed. Back then, he asked where the fire was that I needed to get to in such a goddamn hurry. I wasn’t about to tell him I was running away from an avalanche of attitude by the name of Dean Winchester. The passing thought of that guy still bristles my fur. What the hell was his problem?

Bobby ordered me to hand over his duffle I’d brought from the hotel room. It took him a couple minutes to sift through it as he grumbled about my packing job. Eventually, he pulled out a cord with a charm.

“Should have given you one of these years ago, L. They only gotta find a chink in your armor when you’re the most vulnerable. Lost. Without hope.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Demons, knucklehead.” He rubbed the scrap of hair atop his balding skull.

I frowned. “My place is warded to ‘Singer Specifications.’” I air-quoted. “Salt lines get redone on the windows and doors weekly with double-sided tape. I’ve got a spray bottle of holy water on the kitchen counter. You even told me you peeled the upholstery off the roof of my car to paint a Devil’s Trap under it.”

He cleared his throat. “Right, I forgot I did that.” He waves the cord at me. “Overkill? Maybe? But a lot of shit’s been stirred up lately. And there’s an increase in demon activity because of it. Humor an old man. Put it on and promise me you won’t take it off. Ever.”

“Ever?”

He nodded. “Shower with it. Sleep with it. The whole nine yards.” 

I’d kept my promise. 

But, tonight. Well, tonight, fashion sense beats common as I pull the cord over my head. Before I can drop it into my jewelry box, there’s a knock at my door.

I frown, stuff the cord and charm in my grip, and wonder who’s paying me a visit and how fast I can get rid of them. “Who is it?” I call out.

“Uh, it’s Dean Winchester.” The voice rumbles. “You probably don’t remember me.”

“Oh no,” I mumble and rush to the door. I’m face to face with him after a quick unlock and pull. “What happened?” The question spews out. I hear how frantic I sound.

His eyes widen and punctuate his already shocked expression. “What?”

“Bobby! What happened?”

“Nothing. Bobby’s fine. Back in Sioux Falls, far as I know. Talked to him just yesterday.” He raises a hand to apparently calm me.

The gesture has the opposite effect. From my limited encounters, any reaction from this man reeks of condescension. I lash out with what I think is biting sarcasm. “Good. Hopefully Bobby put me down as his emergency contact like I asked, Mr. Snyderson.”

He confuses me further with a smile.

I shake my head and try not to focus on how cute his smile is. Or how long his lashes are and how that only adds to the flirtatious vibes when his lids flutter over those green eyes. “Why are you here?”

“Sam and I were in the area. On the way to a case.” He rocks back and forth from heel to sole.

I peek past him to the staircase landing. No Sam.

“He’s waiting in the car, outside.” Dean clears his throat. “He figured it was better I do this alone.”

My hand lands on my hip as I try my best cool-and-could-care-less stance. “Do what?”

He sighs. “Apologize.”

I’m staring up at this guy. Not as tall and eclipsing as his brother, but still much taller than me. He’s wearing a leather jacket that’s a little too big for his frame. A fleeting thought has me wondering if it’s Sam’s. But that can’t be right. An older brother doesn’t get his younger brother’s hand-me-downs. There’s hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes. Their gaze flits from side to side. For a moment, he seems smaller.

And sincere.

“I’m on my way out,” I state. Then add, “but you can come in for a minute.” 

He tugs a smile up the corner of his mouth and hurries inside. My nose twitches at the odor of stale sweat and something metallic.

“This is a nice little place you got here. Just like I imagined it would be.”

Why the hell had he been imagining what my place looks like?

His hands disappear into his jacket pockets. He strolls into the middle of my apartment.

I close the door. “You mentioned apologizing.” I’ve got places to be, buddy.

Dean turns to stare back at me. He lifts a brow, then steels his jaw. “Yeah.” He rotates on his heels to face me full on. “I was a dick and you didn’t deserve any of my bullshit. I’ve been going through some shit for about a year… not an excuse, I know that. But, I figured an explanation to go along with the apology was in order. Trying to make amends to the people I wronged before I hang up my hunting license.”

“You’re quitting?” For some reason, the confession utterly surprises me. I know nothing about this guy. But, none of that lines up in my brain about him. “Getting out of the life?”

“Something like that, yeah.” He smiles. It’s forced and pinned high on his cheeks. “Got any tips?”

“Tips?”

“Yeah, how’d you do it?”

I shake my head. “Tips should come from someone who’s done it successfully. I can’t say I’ll never get wrapped up in a case again. It’s a work in progress.”

He shrugs. The long jacket sleeve almost swallows his clenched fist at the action. “I don’t know. You’ve got a job. Your own place. Sounds pretty successful to me.” He spins, slow and deliberate, taking in the details of my apartment.

It should feel intrusive. Privacy invading. But, I find myself taking advantage of the opportunity to study his mannerisms. His lids squint, then relax. He licks his top lip. There’s a slight nod to some steady bopping tune that might be playing in his head.

Dean halts and stares at something. He bends over and leans to the side. On his way to the dresser, he crouches with creeping steps. Investigation mode appears to be activated with a graceful squat. A hand sweeps along the wood floor out of my view. He hops up to standing. Something shiny dangles between his fingers.

I float over in adulation at the sight. “Oh wow, you found it!”

He grins and drops it into my open, waiting palm. “Pretty important?”

“A gift from my grandmother.” My gaze darts to the corner behind the dresser where it had been hiding. I connect the dots. “It must have slipped over the side.” I inhale and beam at Dean. “Thank you.”

“Glad I could help.”

I drop the anti-possession charm on the dresser and use both hands to put on Grandma’s rose gold necklace.

Dean points to the leather cord. “Don’t forget that.”

I shake my head. “Doesn’t go.”

The judgment in his eyes wipes away any mirth on his face. “Bobby gave you that, didn’t he? He’d be awfully disappointed to know you weren’t taking precautions. ‘Out of the life’ doesn’t mean you slack off on being careful.” He scoops up the cord and unties the knot. A nod precedes his order. “Hold your arm out.”

I’ve obeyed before I realize it. He wraps the cord around my wrist a few times, turning it into a bracelet. Warm fingers fumble against my skin to fasten the leather. They slide up my forearm just enough to tuck the charm under my cuffed sleeve. “There,” he states. “Don’t have to worry about clashing or demons tonight.”

I’m about to thank him again when his eyes do a double-take in the direction of my dresser. He stares in surprise. “You-uh-you collect a lot of cat figurines, huh?”

I huff out a laugh and joke, “Yeah, I’m easing into the crazy cat lady role.”

He picks one up from the dozen miniature cats without asking.

I smile at the little angel in his hand. “That’s my favorite one.”

Dean raises a brow. “Another gift?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Best guess is the people that rented the apartment before me forgot it in the dresser they left behind. I found it in the bottom of a drawer under my clothes one day.”

“Oh.” He nods. “Why’s it your favorite?”

“I don’t know. Just makes me smile.”

“Hmm.” There’s a far away expression on his face.

I suddenly remember I am now very, very late for a date. “Well, Dean, I appreciate you coming by to apologize. No hard feelings. I hope things work out for you. Really.”

Dean relocates the angel with care. He straightens and gains a couple of inches. “I can use all the hope I can get.”

I nod along with him for what seems like forever.

“Riiight.” He stretches the word. “Have a nice night.”

I trail him to the door. “Tell Sam I said hi?”

He turns and looks at me. “Will do.” A hitch of breath follows. I wait for him to say whatever it is he seems to be mulling over. He offers me a soft smile. “Goodbye, Elina.”

The door opens and closes in a second and he’s gone. I’ve been surprisingly affected again by one Dean Winchester. And even though the apology should make me feel better, I somehow find myself worrying about the mysterious and aloof hunter.

I sigh and choose not to dwell on it if I can help it. After all, I’ve got a date! 

I rush to the bathroom one more time.

~~~~

Gary’s lips are insistent. Not super rough. His hands curl about my waist. The door handle by the passenger seat presses into my lower back.

The front seat of my VW bug isn’t very roomy. But, here we are, parked at the Staircase Rapids Canoe and Kayak Launch along the Delaware River. The deserted pull off and the moonlight dancing over the water make for a decent and impromptu makeout location.

Dinner was nice enough. I thought my Fettuccine Alfredo was a little runny. But I kept those thoughts to myself.

Gary was a nice enough dinner companion – from the crusty Italian bread with the dipping oil to the Tiramisu we shared. After months of building Gary up in my head, I thought I’d only find more of him to be starry eyed about. Once we could finally talk uninterrupted, the only new thing I’ve found out is he’s very good at deflecting. He offered up short and stubby answers to most of my questions. 

I assumed a cool disinterest had crept up in him by the end of the night. He didn’t ask anything very personal. There was nothing deep and probing. Well, except for his tongue currently in my mouth.

As I rate his kissing technique (there’s too much swirl and suction for my liking) I’m also wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why am I not able to let go and enjoy the closeness and warmth of this other person? It’s been way too long since I’ve experienced this kind of touch. I don’t need to calculate how long. My inner scorekeeper quickly reminds me. It’s been almost two years since my one night stand in Wildwood, New Jersey. 

I’m swimming in a haze of too much wine mixed with indecisiveness. His fingers skirt under the hem of my blouse and test the waters. When do I tell him that’s enough? Do I let him cop a feel over my bra? Despite his insistence to pay for my dinner, I slipped my credit card to the waitress so we could split the cost. I didn’t want to owe him anything.

I’ve done more for less attention and regretted it later. I shouldn’t care. Shouldn’t beat myself up for craving touch and fulfilling a basic human need.

It would be easy if I didn’t want more. And I’m realizing with every slip and slurp of Gary’s mouth that there isn’t going to be anything more than this. Whatever happens.

He whispers in my ear that I look incredibly hot tonight. I should gasp a thank you or toss him a complementary compliment. Instead, I’m reminding myself how expendable and forgettable I am. I’m tallying up how many people I expected to stick around –who displayed a modicum of care and interest– actually did.

Gary has been, well, nice enough. I recall how he offered to look at my brakes months back. Fixed them for me at cost at the garage where he moonlights.

All the chance encounters with this man have been thrilling and invigorating. After tonight, they could be embarrassing and stomach upsetting.

Cause this doesn’t feel right.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I finally get what I think I want… and… it’s not.

“Whatsa matter, baby?” he mumbles the question into my mouth.

I snatch at the opportunity presented. My hand rests atop his chest to push him away. I am done inhaling the red wine and cocoa on his breath. “I-I think it’s getting late.” His offer to drive me home in my car, after I had too much wine, is now an obvious problem. I scramble to sound invested in his well being. “You don’t want to call Jason too late for that drive back to the restaurant to pick up your truck, do you?”

“Sweet of you to worry, but I’m a big boy.” He combs some of my hair behind my ear. “You aren’t having a good time?”

“No,” I hurry out my answer. Gary’s figure is awash in the ashy gray of evening. His face, half in pitch black shadow, gives me little to read. The whites of his eyes are the only thing I can make out well. He blinks in wait. I continue. “I had a great time. But, it’s getting late.”

“We could have an even better time if you’d relax.” His thin lips curl up high into a smirk. Hands overpower with ease and clamp over my wrists. A push and I’m smothered between his chest and the door. He grapples my arms tight against my sides. His mouth latches onto my neck. “Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?” His question vibrates under my skin.

My heart beats for release. “Gary, please…”

“Hm, begging for it already.” He chuckles.

“No.” I squirm. I shake my head, lift my shoulder in vain to detach his lips from me. “Take me home, please.”

He groans out an exasperated sigh. His bangs sweep over my lips. “For fuck’s sake. We could’ve had a good time tonight, El.” His teeth click. He launches backward into the driver’s seat.

I sit up and wedge farther into the little corner between the door and the seat. Where the hell can I run where he won’t catch me right away? There isn’t anything for five miles in either direction on this stretch of road heading back to Matamoras from Pond Eddy. I massage the skin of one wrist. Maybe I can convince him to drive me home? Promise to continue the fun at my apartment? I could hop out of the car and run to the 24-hour Smoke Shop a block away. 

When I switch to the other wrist I notice something’s missing.

Gary starts the engine. The dashboard illuminates and winks to life. He taps on the overhead light. My leather cord dangles from the tips of his fingers. He eyes the charm swaying back and forth. His lips peel back and display pearly whites. “Fuckin’ piece of shit,” he hisses. Under the engine hum a whirr accompanies the opening of the driver’s side window. With a quick slingshot, my necklace disappears into the darkness outside.

“What the hell are you doing?” I’m surprised at my ability to sound angry.

“What did Dean have to say when he stopped by earlier?” Gary asks and turns to look at me. I can see every inch of his face now but he’s not any easier to read.

Oh. Shit.

I grab the door handle.

But I’m not faster than Gary.

He cups the back of my head and slams my forehead into the curved outcrop of the dash. A shock of whiplash shuffles the contents of my skull. It’s followed by a ringing in my ears. Fingers weave into my hair and tug me to sit upright, tipping my head back like a Pez dispenser. I scream at the corkscrew twisting of his hand. Hundreds of strands yank out of my scalp. 

“The Winchesters.” Gary is calm and stone faced. He’s in my personal space, staring down at me. “Where are they headed?”

“I-I don’t know.” Balance upended, I’m woozy and confused. “How-, why-”

“Those two are stupid enough to get themselves killed if they aren’t careful, El. Help ‘em out. Tell me where they are going.”

“I t-t-told you. I don’t kn-”

I hear a crack, then realize it was the side of my head getting slammed into the car window. A dull, heavy pulse bangs against the kettle drum that is my brain.

“We gotta do it the hard way, huh?”

I slump against the glass and close my eyes. The surface is cool, slippery. Despite the pain radiating throughout my body, I could fall asleep.

Gears shift. The car judders forward in that familiar way when I give it a little too much gas. Then, it slows to a crawl.

“We’ve got a pool going, seeing how boring as hell it’s been topside lately. Pun intended, by the way.” Gary hums a little to the pop tune blaring from the radio. “Who’s Dean gonna run to before his deal comes due?” He announces the question like a game show host. “I had my money on you. Always thought you had an advantage over Lisa. I mean, yeah, there’s Ben. That meat stick has a soft spot for kids. But, you, I mean come on, you were in the life. You know what it’s like. You get him. Well, when you remember him.” Gary snorts. “You saved him for fuck’s sake!”

I force my lids open. Something sticky’s blurring the vision of my right eye. The headlights are creeping over a dirt path. Gary taps the steering wheel to the song’s beat. 

“Wha- talkin’ ‘bout?” I murmur.  

“You pulled out in the lead at the last minute. Spray a little scrubbing bubbles in there” – he presses a finger to my temple – “and I’ll get what I need, get out of this ass backwards town and onto bigger and better things. A promotion from Lilith. Maybe visit New York City. Get up to some trouble.” Gary turns to grin at me. I’m seeing double, his figure swimming in and out of focus. 

His eyes turn totally black.

I shake my head. The pounding only increases.

A demon. There’s a fucking demon driving my car.

“Gotta say I’m a little disappointed.” Gary slams the brake pedal hard. My body flails back into the seat. I groan as Gary continues talking, shifting into park while the engine runs. “Thought we could have some real fun before getting down to the doldrums of business. This wasn’t the way Gary wanted to end up inside you, either.”

I gotta get out of here. I reach for one of the door handles but I only fist at air. Beyond the car hood, I can only make out a sliver of the dirt path awash in high beams. Ripples of water, the color of black volcanic glass, sway and meet the edge of the earth. 

Sudden and abrupt, Gary’s palms cradle my head. A kaleidoscope of black-eyed masks circle in my vision. “Open wide so I can have a peek, baby.” His jaw unhinges. Smoke expels from between his lips. Onyx clouds hang in the air. Terror bubbles up and a pitiful yelp leaves me. His gaping hole of a mouth turns up at the corners in a sinister cheshire cat grin. 

The smoke appears sentient, swirling its form into a thread with a needle-like point heading right toward my mouth. Then, I feel the invasion. The alien gas slides down my throat. It violates and expands throughout my lungs and inflates in dominance. It’s rough, uncaring, pawing under my skin for control. My vision is gone, a complete blackout. I can’t stop blinking in hopes I will see something, anything. I gasp somewhere, far away, for breath. 

“There we go, baby.” It’s my voice, but I’m not saying the words. I’ve been amputated from the body I’m stuck inside. The prisoner part of me rattles around in my brain, beating against my skull. “It’ll be better if you don’t fight.”

My sight returns but it’s distorted. I’m peeking through a fisheye lens. My hand adjusts the rear view mirror - without any directive that’s mine - so I can stare at my reflection. Half of my face is smeared in blood. My blood. My fingers push matted hair off my forehead and cheek. My eyes leer at my own visage, lascivious and coveting. My tongue peeks out to lick the blood dripping from my nose.

“Oh, we’re gonna be able to get so much more done with this body.” Incorporeal fingers flip through my memory. “Hm. You weren’t lying. You don’t know where they went.” 

“Elina?” A hoarse voice mumbles out of Gary’s body slumped in the driver’s seat.

“All those naughty thoughts.” My voice holds a condescending, judgy tone, as I stare at Gary. “Maybe if you’d paid more attention to taking care of that sickly aunt you wouldn’t be in this mess, Gar.” One of my hands feels its way up Gary’s shirt and under his suit jacket. It finds something cool and hard inside the breast pocket. My other hand unceremoniously pulls the clear bud vase from the mount it resides in near the steering wheel. “Lilith appreciates your service.”

Gary stares at the folded hunting knife in my hand. A firm wrist whip releases the blade from the confines. He scrambles to sit up in the seat. “What-what are you-”

Gary doesn’t get to finish his sentence. I’m screaming in the cage of my brain. My hand slashes at his throat, plunging deep into the flesh and meeting the resistance of bone. My wrist twists. My other hand places the bud vase near the gaping wound. Blood gurgles and spurts into the receptacle as Gary’s head flops to the side.

I can’t stop screaming. 

“Hopefully that’s enough.”

My voice quips out some lines of Latin as my eyes stare hard at the tiny vase.

“Fuck. Well, guess that killing two birds with one stone saying doesn’t apply here. Not enough juice.” My hand tosses the vase into the back of the car. “We’ll just give Sam a ring and find out where he and Dean are. Find another warm body to make another call. Then we’ll update Lilith on our progress.” I see my lips scrunch up in the mirror’s reflection. “Gary’s gonna have to go for a swim.” My body expels an exasperated sigh.

I can’t stop screaming.

“Shut the fuck up. Or when we track Dean and Sam down, I’ll cut their tongues out and feed them to you.”

I gasp, stunned and muted by the threat.

“That’s better. Now where’s that cell phone of yours.”

Dropping the knife, my hand searches the footwell by my heels. The demon will secure my purse in moments.

Dean’s face flashes in my memory. I can use all the hope I can get.

“You get him. Well, when you remember him. You saved him for fuck’s sake!” Gary’s voice - the demon’s words - replay in my head.

Demons lie. 

But I remember Sam. Sam doesn’t deserve whatever this demon has in store for him. And, deep down, I’m pretty sure Dean doesn’t deserve it either.

From the periphery of my sight, I see blood seeping out of Gary’s fatal wound. The wound my hands created.

Demons kill.

The demon won’t hesitate to do this again to someone else.

Unless I fight back.

“You can’t fight me.” My voice sing songs. “You don’t get out of this until I say.”

I remember Sam. Sam was able to do things he hadn’t thought possible when something was important enough to try and save.

“I told you to shut up.”

I realize how similar my voice sounds to my sister’s when she used to tease and scold me.

I hated that.

The engine idles, a background hum to all of the crazy.

My hand flips my phone open and begins to tap through my contacts.

I won’t be used to hurt another person. Anger boils and the body I’m in heats up around me. My thoughts zone in on how the gear shift would feel in my hand. How I’d press on the brake while I switch from Park to Drive.

The pedal bears down and the gear shift clicks to R, N, then D.

“What the–?”

I imagine my foot lifting off the brake and slamming the gas.

The car hiccups forward, almost rearing up on its wheels like a horse being whipped. It’s only a few seconds and then it’s bobbing as if it’s been fitted with hydraulics. Gary’s lifeless body bounces in the driver’s seat.

“You psycho bitch!” My voice screams. “Your funeral, not mine!” I feel my jaw open wide, stretching muscles and tendons to their limits.

The lights flicker out in the car. I focus on the sound of water lapping against the exterior. Whatever is going to happen next, I hope it’s quick.

“What the hell?!?” My voice roars in the dark. “What did you do?!? Why am I stuck?!?” My head whips side to side with a feral intensity.

I imagine chuckling like a victorious villain. The Devil’s Trap on the ceiling. Bobby came through for me. Again. Even as my body shivers at the cold water surrounding my feet, I know I can do one last thing to make the man proud. After all, I aced my Latin class in college.

I thread the words of the exorcism together, echoing in my brain.

“No! Stop!”

My body is betraying me again, either because of the demon or because I might be weakening its hold and control over my flesh. I’m fading. Lids too heavy to keep open. 

Glass breaks behind me and water rushes in. The ice cold shocks my heart. Hands wrap around my waist and tug. I’m pulled through the water. This must be what dying feels like.

I break through the water’s surface. “El!” A hand wraps around my waist. A body tangles around mine in the river and drags me somewhere. 

Pairs of hands hold me down on hard ground.

“Fuck! Sam!”

The Latin chant spills from a familiar voice, fast and furious.

Sam.

The force of water and smoke expelling from my throat jolts me awake. My eyes flicker open.

I see them.

Sam and Dean stare down at me. A heavy full moon hangs in the sky behind them.

“Hold on, El!”

Dean. 

I can’t, though.

~~~~

I wake up screaming.

Sam and Dean are gone.

No moon. No night.

I’m in a room. Yellow fluorescent light.

My heart races. Something beeps.

I stare at a drop ceiling.

“El!”

Pamela. Pamela’s here. I gasp for air.

“It’s alright, darlin’.” Her hand soothes a warm trail up and down my arm.

I slowly realize “here” is a hospital room. I am in a bed, sensors taped to skin and needles tapped into veins.

“Aw, sweetie. Everyone’s gonna be so happy to know you’re awake. Doctor’s gonna want to check you out and talk to you.” She sighs. “Unfortunately, so are the police.”

My mind swims with newfound knowledge. “Dean.” I croak out. “Where’s Dean?” I turn to see her watercolor blue eyes inspect me. The usual troublemaker grin is nowhere to be found.

She pats my hand. “Later, sweetie. Listen to me now.”

“Pamela…”

“Do you remember what happened to you? In the car?” She strokes the hair atop my head. “Do you remember what that thing did to you? Do you remember what it made you do to Gary?”

The knife in Gary’s throat. The blood. I nod. The tears flow.

Pamela nods back. “That’s what the police want to talk to you about,” she whispers. “But, if you claim it was self-defense-that he was gonna hurt you-trust me, it’ll be an easy sell. Those two lawyers you work for, Mitch and Ryan?” I nod as she continues. “They’ve been by to check on you and keep me informed of the investigation. Gary’s Aunt Cheryl’s been rotting away in the  basement of her house for months. Gary” –her voice even lower– “that thing joyriding him, it had you in its sights all that time, just waiting for the right moment, like a goddamn serial killer. Cops found photos of you all over the house and satanic” –she air quotes– “stuff in his room.”

My head spins. “Why? Why was it after Sam and Dean?”

A nurse pops in. Her face lights up. “Oh. How’s the patient?”

Pamela smiles and grips my wrist. “Sis just woke up.”

The nurse beelines to the side of my bed and checks the IV drip. Her gaze skirts over me and then at the monitor. “Dr. Wallace is making the rounds.” She clears her throat. “We’ve been given specific instructions to notify the police department as soon as…”

Pamela waves a hand, “Just do whatever you gotta do so we can get her out of here as soon as she’s able. Please.”

The nurse nods and zips out of the room.

“Sis?” I notice a dull throb from my forehead extends to the right side of my head. Oh, yeah, my skull met the dashboard and a window. The painkillers are obviously holding back a torrent of pain.

“Bobby needed one of your relatives to watch over you while he…” Pamela trails off.

“He’s with them, isn’t he? Sam and Dean?”

“What do you remember?”

It’s all a jumble. Memories and thoughts can’t reconcile themselves. “I remember knowing Dean, and then… not. And then, knowing him again.”

Her fingers rub circles atop my hand. “I don’t know all the details. Bobby’s a vault when he swears to secrecy. But, the long and short of it… this Dean Winchester made some kind of demon deal almost a year ago.”

I close my eyes. All I hear in my head is Dean.

I don’t like any of this, though, not one bit. I can’t keep literally dragging you into my shit.

Whatever this connection is, it’s obvious we don’t have any control over it. And that can go real bad, real quick.

You’re special. And I want you to stay that way.

“Oh, Dean,” I whisper. “What did you do?”

“Hey.” Pamela gives me a soft nudge. “This Dean sounds like a ton more trouble than he’s worth. You need to worry more about yourself right now, those police that are going to be by, and getting better. Bobby’s orders.”

~~~~ 

I was in the hospital for two more days under observation because of the head trauma I sustained. Once they ran me back and forth for numerous tests I finally got discharged with orders to rest.

I’ve been on lockdown for three weeks. I’ve also got security detail.

Not from the cops, mind you. I was convincing enough with my story. They bought that what I did to Gary was in self-defense. It wasn’t like I had to embellish much, just selectively omit some details. The demon had left a trail of crazy and murder that only supported my innocence.

No, I’m on lockdown with Pamela. And Garth, my security detail, has been ordered by Bobby to act as a sentinel outside my building. When he’s not in his car by the entrance during the day, he’s tucked into a sleeping bag by the threshold of my door at night. Pamela sleeps on the couch. I am within eyesight of either one of them in my twin bed. No one could ever claim this studio apartment is spacious.

It’s not so much about who might be coming after me, I suspect, as much as where I might run off to. Bobby called Pamela often. There’d been discussions, of which I’d not been allowed input, that maybe I should be moved. But the logistics and the where couldn’t be agreed. I couldn’t be taken to Sioux Falls. That meant Sam and Dean were there.

Garth had to get on the phone one night and offer, “Geez, Bobby. Law enforcement here is so on edge even the wind changing direction gets the third degree. No way anyone new or somethin’ out of the ordinary gets by them for quite a while. This is probably the safest place for El to be right now.”

That seemed to be good enough for Bobby, finally. Not for me. All I want are answers from Dean about why he thought wiping my memory of him was a great idea. More importantly, all I want to do is help him. Nothing involving a demon is good, I’m living proof. And anything involving a deal with a demon is a thousand times worse.

Pamela went out for food and supplies one morning while “cousin” Garth and I had a late Saturday breakfast. It was the first time we’d been by ourselves.

“You never met Sam and Dean Winchester?” I ask and slurp the sweet sugared milk from my cereal bowl.

“Nope.” Garth helps himself to another serving of the copycat Froot Loops.

I sit up and eye him as he digs in. “So, it was Bobby, then, that had you destroy my phone?”

He gasps, then coughs, mouth full of cereal. A little milk dribbles out of his nose. The features on his cue ball of a head scrunch in towards the center at his discomfort. “What?”

“Come on, Garth. Be honest with me.”

He wipes the mess off his face. “Alright, fine. Yes, Bobby had me do it.” He raises a hand. “And before you ask, I swear I don’t know why. He just told me you needed to be kept out of harm’s way and getting rid of your phone would help with that. So, I did.”

“I know why,” I mumble. “Erase any trace of Dean. It was probably Dean’s idea and Bobby just had you execute it.” I stand, itchy with irritation, and head over to the sink to deposit my cereal bowl. “Doesn’t it piss you off? The way Bobby doles out orders and we’re supposed to follow them without question?”

Garth blows his nose, I’m guessing to clear it of any residual milk. He flares his nostrils and does a little head shake. “Way I see it, Bobby’s survived this long on more than a little luck and a lot of praying. Like it or not, he’s usually right.” Garth looks up at me from his seat. His face wrinkles up into a thoughtful expression. “Bobby did tell me you got pretty close to those Winchesters. The Dean fella, in particular.”

I cross my arms, lean against the tiny bit of counter space that makes up my kitchenette. “I thought so.” I sweep my socked foot along the linoleum floor. My gaze lands on the cat figurine collection across the room on the dresser.

“Thought?”

I zone in on the cat angel. The one Dean got me. The one he picked up when he was here and trying to apologize when I didn’t remember everything. “Being close to someone means having faith in them. That’s how it goes for me anyway.”

“Faith is hard to come by for some people.” Garth shrugs. “You and I are close but it wasn’t always like that. I had to earn it. Look me in the eyes and say you have faith in everything I do with a straight face.” He raises his eyebrows.

I feel my mouth quirk up into a grin. “Fair enough,” I chuckle.

There’s a tell tale knock at the door. It’s the secret knock and I start for the door. But Garth raises a finger and sprints over before me.

Pamela breezes in with a couple bags. “Alright, I think I got everything on the list.” She drops them on the table and pulls out a newspaper for Garth.

“Thanks, Pammy. Gotta catch up on what Marmaduke’s up to.”

She smiles softly at him, then hands me a pile of envelopes. “Grabbed your mail.”

“Thanks, Pammy.” I parrot Garth.

I don’t get the same sweet smile at the use of the nickname. “I’m makin’ rice and beans tonight. Not up for discussion.”

“Hmmm.” Garth rubs his non-existent tummy and wades through the newspaper.

The two of them chatter. I walk to the couch and flop on it, flipping through the mail. Bill. Bill. Junk. But then there’s an envelope with my name and address handwritten on it. The print is haphazard and hurried. It’s postmarked from Sioux Falls from about a week ago. And in the top left corner are two letters.

D.W.

I purse my lips to hold in a gasp. Once I compose myself I announce, “Anyone gotta use the bathroom before I take a shower?”

“Nope,” Pamela states.

“I am A OK,” Garth replies. “Pammy, you like Garfield?”

I pull some clean clothes out of the dresser and dash into the bathroom while they discuss the merits of Odie.

It’s the only place I can get any privacy. I sit on the toilet, my change of clothes a heap in my lap, and Dean’s letter in my hands.

My entire body shivers. I inhale deep and slow to try and calm down, but it’s not helping. A finger inches under the flap and rips open the envelope. I unfold three pieces of paper that were inside. The first one is on stationery from The Aviary Hotel.There’s a crease etched in the middle, top to bottom, and a few left to right; it’s been folded into a smaller square at some point in the past.

The writing is tight and neat. Different from the one on the envelope.

I’m not gonna apologize for how I acted today, El.  What would be the point, anyway? You wouldn’t understand why I had to.  Take my advice and stay as far away from Sam and me as possible. –Dean

Short and not very sweet. But, I think back to the altercation I had with Dean in the hotel room with the loudest wallpaper I’d ever seen. It was when I didn’t remember, months back. Bobby had been in the hospital. I shake my head, even now, at how obnoxious Dean had been.

The fucker was doing everything in his power to make sure I wasn’t gonna give a shit about him. But why? Why the memory wipe? I tuck the page behind the others.

The next page is on very familiar stationery. I gave it to Bobby as a cheeky little gift one Christmas. He never uses it, but I know where he stashes it - in the right side drawer of the desk in his library.

Dean found that stationery and probably sat at that very desk to write what I’m now reading. The page has crinkles in it, like it was balled up and thrown out.

I let out a chuckle in nervous hiccups at Dean’s scribble right under the fancy font.

A bunch of BS from the desk of B.S. Ain’t that the truth!!! El, Bobby told me you remember everything. His friend Pamela told him that you’ve been asking about me. I don’t know why your memories came back. The deal’s not up yet. I’m glad you’re gonna get to go home soon. I’m so sorry you got caught in the middle of all of this ,. princess I always just wanted you safe. As much as I wish things could be different, nothing good comes from being around me. It kills me you had to find out the hard way with the demon riding that guy. All those times you saved me and didn’t give up on me, it kills me I’ll never be able to repay you proper. I’m glad you remember me now. Truth is, I didn’t think you ever would again.  It hurt to have to push you away all this time. To not reach out and tell you about the stupid thing I did when I was crazy in my head over losing Sam. He died, El. About a year ago.

I stop reading. Drop the papers in my lap. I recall the very healthy looking Sam I saw months back. And the one who helped rescue me only weeks ago.

I traded my soul to bring him back. But the crossroads demon only gave me a year before my bill came due. 

My heart beat increases, pounds in my head. Dean’s words trigger the pain from the assault, a deep ache in my bones. My skin prickles with anger. 

Sam died a year ago and Dean’s deal was for a year. 

No, Dean. No.

The bitch thought it’d be cute to wipe your memory of every little bit of me as part of the agreement. You gotta believe me, El, that’s not what I wanted. I may have thought it was better you’d never met me. But I never would have traded losing you for Sam. Me, that’s a no-brainer. 

I turn the page over and continue to read Dean’s words through my blurry vision. The other pages scatter onto the tile floor.

I want It just twisted the knife, having you look at me like I was a stranger. Having to tear into you hurt so fucking much. But it was all I could do to drive that urge to help out of you. You were a great hunting partner. One of the best. It’s selfish of me and dangerous for you, but I’ve thought about what it would be like having you hunt with Sam and me again. Like a team. And it feels right. I think that life, if the apple pie life was never in the cards for me, that would have been nice. 

But my time is almost up, so I’m gonna try to hold on to what might have been, wherever I’m going.  I just want to tell you that I love  need you to stay safe, alright. I need you to be okay when all this is over. And, I need you to be there for Sam. And maybe, maybe he can be there for you, when you want to remember me. Cause I’ll never forget you, Suds. -Dean  

Both hands cover my mouth. I stifle the sobs. It’s not helping and I’m only getting louder. Pamela or Garth will knock on the door soon. I lean to the left and twist the faucet knob. A spurt of water shoots out. A steady stream soon follows.

I wish he’d tried to tell me. That night when he was here. I would have thought he was crazy. But, still, I might have told him to have Sam come up and confirm. I might have called Bobby. I might never have gone to meet Gary.

I could have been with them all this time. Trying anything and everything to help. I grab the page again and look at that word he’s crossed out. Love. He could have written anything after that. He could have just wanted to remind me that he loves pie.

But somehow, I think not.

More tears come.

I flip the lever so water cascades out of the showerhead. I wipe my soggy eyes with the back of my hand and gather up the other dropped pages.

The last page wasn’t written by Dean. The print is large and loopy. Sam. 

Dean tossed both these letters out today. The first one he’d been carrying around in his bag for months in an envelope with your name on it. I saw him dump it in Bobby’s office along with the second note. I wanted to give you the chance to read them now, in case there’s time for you to reach out before we track down Lilith. Maybe give him a reason to keep fighting, El. Cause he’s tired of hearing me. He’s trying to hold on but the closer he gets to the clock running out… I can’t lose him, either. Sam.

I leave all the pages atop the sink. My gaze lingers on the phone number Sam wrote at the bottom of the note. It’s gotta be Dean’s. My brain and body go on autopilot. I cry as I shower, towel off, and then dress into my second set of pajamas for the day.

By the time I exit the bathroom, Garth is gone, and Pamela waits for me on the couch. She’s the best big sister I could ask for in that moment, opening her arms for me to collapse into and cry some more. She waits until I’m ready to tell her everything. When I’m done, she tucks my damp hair behind my ears and gives me a nod for courage.

“You do what you got to do, sweetie. I’ll be out in the hall. When you need me, that’s where I’ll be.”

I know he won’t pick up. And, I don’t know what I’m gonna leave on his voicemail. I stand up and walk over to the dresser. I place Sam’s note on top of it, by my cat figurine collection, and punch in the numbers. The ringing begins and I stare at the little cat angel, readying to say anything after Dean’s greeting.

“This is Dean’s other, other cell so you must know what to do.”

“Hi.” My voice eeks out, a whispery rasp. I clear my throat. “Dean. It’s me. El. I-I just wanted to tell you that I’m-I’m pissed. I’m pissed that you didn’t hang around at the hospital and wait for me to wake up. Cause, ah, I-I did think of a tip for you.” The lump in my throat makes my breath hitch. “Don’t quit the life. Not yet. And don’t wait so damn long to kiss me the next time you see me, Winchester. I’ll, I’ll be waiting.”

I circle my finger along the halo of the little kitty.

~~~~

I don’t sleep that night. I wait for his call. When my phone finally rings, it’s a little after two in the morning.

But the name on the screen is Bobby. He hasn’t called me direct since I’ve been out of the hospital.

I answer but don’t say anything. Just wait for the old man’s voice.

“I’m sorry, L. He’s-he’s gone.”

[growling]

please give us the tea on the warrior cats ships!!!

I'll go first by saying Mothpool is overhyped and Leafpool had more chemestry with Cinderpelt. (in my opinion, ship what you like!)

:3c !!! Didn't think anybody would actually ask I am gonna gonna ramble now.. Separating this into pos and neg opinions

Positive:

I did think of leafcinder before and thought it was cute but not really something I'll get passionate about (i tend to be very picky on these kinda age gap/mentor x apprentice ships), now that I'm reminded of it I can really see it! They would have a great dynamic (taking tnp cinderpelt personality into account here. tbh her in tpb and her in tnp are almost different characters to me... where's your whimsy girl...), and honestly, there are almost endless options for Leafpool ships (she interacts with so many cats woagh that's crazy for this series she actually has friends??) that have more chemistry than crowpool. I mean it's fine I guess from a strictly plot perspective (and even that's well. bendable) but why is Leafpool, 30 cat years after their breakup, dead, in cat heaven, STILL deeply in love with cat Clay Puppington. I know they will get back together in StarClan because the authors absolutely love them and think they popped off writing their romance subplot they think they created a banger. Sorry this veered off into negative can't help being a hater.

hollyjaylion, leafsquirrel and bramblehawk are the three shipcest pairings I will never be able to be normal about. Canon to me. I say this as if I'm joking but I'm serious oughhh the goddamn dynamics. On a joking note though, graysky. there is no healthy nothing to see here just bro supporting his bro explanation for whatever the hell gray wing's problem was this entire arc

spottedtiger is cool it's interesting it's mindblowing it saves lives and it's haters are sooo silly I am sorry... "but spotted is his aunt according to the family tree!!!!" ok. and is this made relevant in the books at all? do they ever even acknowledge these two as kin. It's so pointless.. draw them making out

why's the fandom turning on darktiger suddenly now because they're still related (which is not even relevant or explicitly pointed out in the books and them being related was only decided way after both of their arcs together were done I. ughhhh.) wasn't this your favourite little henchman x fascist dictator toxic yaoi ship just a few years ago?? cowards. draw them making ou- ah wait that's just dark being obsessed with tiger, who on the other hand would RATHER NOT he wants that useless lickspittle OBLITERATED he doesn't CARE

ivyhawk good she could fix him. or he can make her worse. once again the fandom are major cowards for turning on it just like they did with darktiger, but much, much more aggresively so. like you people need to calm tf down just take deep breaths it's just a warrior cat ship...

people complaining about dovetiger's age gap (which are commonplace in the wc series tiger is not alone in dating apprentices) are so boring. they actually have the most wholesome dynamic in the current era/arcs I'd argue. they're in love and I love them. as a ship and both as characters.

fallenholly had the option to be one of THE best dubiously-canon wc pairings to come out of this series had they just went the direction of making fallen actually somewhat more messed up after being trapped as a ghost in the torment tunnels for cat centuries like. I remember someone else wording this really well earlier but I'm not really gonna search so just. Yeah. fallen leaves ships.

leopardtiger is hilarious I don't care. she thinks he's sooo correct and intelligent and truly the enlightened sigma worthy of the tigerclan podcast throne while also poisoning his food because he's fucking pissing her off in their side twitter dms and plotting his demise every night while he's snork mimimi'ing next to her in their kitty political marriage cuddle pile. ben shapiro x pragerU fucking ship I hope they kill each other

mudhawk... funny... seriously WHY is the fandom picking the most interesting goddamn ships to get pissed off at and call "problematic"??????? "age gap" THEY WERE BOTH ADULTS WHEN THEY MET WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON LET HAWK MANSPLAIN MANIPULATE MANFUCK THAT OLD MAN

I didn't read AVoS in it's entirety (and don't want to. it's... boring for the most part. I mean I love violet but is she enough to make me keep reading all that.) and don't remember if they even had any notable interactions but violetpuddle is very cute and my favourite (and, honestly, only) option for their ships. puddle's mother suckled violet but they don't consider each other "real" siblings just like how their mother doesn't consider violet as her daughter but try telling that to the fandom who can't distinguish between wet nurse arrangement, foster siblings and adopted siblings. Proud only resident of violetpuddle nation...... literally nobody else is here...

Negative: (gonna start censoring the cat/ship names now)

so correct moth.pool overhyped and their fans annoying. and also because I headcanon moth as aroace like there is not a single romantic thought in her body I cannot ever imagine her in a relationship moth don't care.

*takes a deep breath* mouse.fur is not aroace. tall.star, raven.paw and barley aren't gay. authorial statements made 10 years ago at some con ARE NOT CANON. IF IT'S NOT IN THE TEXT IT'S NOT CONFIRMED CANON. Also the latter examples also reek of biphobia lol. you can ship any of these characters with anyone forever, what is any of you people's problem.

long.fire, shadow.root, holly.cinder, bright.cloud, jay.kestrel are boring yaaawn I am falling asleep and do not see it. same with sandfire; these two did not have the groundbreaking dynamic (nor was sand that uh, well-rounded as character) you think they did you're just nostalgic. I actually prefer spottedfire and cinderfire over sandfire. anything over sandfire.

hawk.ash pisses me off because their shippers are always "hahahaha toxic yaoi sooo fucked up they make each other worse!!" but show them an actual toxic pairing and they immediately shit themselves and call you an abuse fetishizer. COWARDS you lot are COWARDS and this is why I cannot get behind hawk.ash at all like I associate them with the most annoying people so much I cannot sorry. I'm sure it's a cool ship or whatever

I actually got tired and now am too sleepy to articulate myself properly anymore but still here are the other ships that I either dislike or just plain out hate seeing: fern.ivy, alder.needle, crow.squirrel, bristle.root, bramble.squirrel (but that's a very popular one lol), lion.cinder.

thanks for the ask! :3

[nicascurls]

On the subject of team delusion:

Season 3 is probably gonna pick up a year later again, except the past year for the chucky survivors is very different in my mind compared to whatever Don Mancini is coming up with.

In my mind, picking up things a year later means the kids are all living with Andy at the cabin (in Chicago? I think that's where the cabin was) Where Nica also lives when she's not hunting down Tiffany.

The kids (Junior and Nadine are alive and the twins still have their human bodies) are happy at a new school where they could have a fresh start. The twins are getting ready to go to a nearby college, and Nadine moved back with her dad after the incarnate lord was shut down and now attends the same school as the other teens.

Kyle lives not far away in an apartment in the city and so do Mike and Karen with their apartment being a couple of blocks away from Kyle's and they all visit frequently.

As for Nica (who still has her limbs, shut up Don) not long after we last saw her at the end of season 2, she found a way to get Caroline away from Tiffany and bring her to the cabin where she now lives too and attends the local elementary school.

Nica still hunts down Tiffany and plans to get her revenge on her but also spends a decent amount of time living at the cabin, enjoying having a family after so long and it give her a safe space to plan her next moves. She's currently putting on a brave face for the twins before they move into their dorm, she knows that they are more than capable of taking care of themselves but she is going to miss them like hell.

Nadine is constantly visiting and staying over at the cabin since she's friends with all the kids and absolutely loves playing with Caroline. Andy gets along well with Nadine but is often pretty nervous for her just because of how innocent minded and optimistic she is even knowing everything about Chucky and Tiffany. Meanwhile, Nica completely adores her and loves listening to her enthusiastic updates about her life whenever they get a chance to talk (she tries to ignore the similarities between her and Alice).

At least once every week or so, everyone meets up for dinner and are happy to just have some regular domesticity in their lives.

Kyle is 100% the cool aunt who often tells Jake and Junior embarrassing stories about Andy in his teens that the cousins use to their advantage. Meanwhile, Devon loves talking to Mike and listening to his stories of when he was a cop whilst Lexy gets on surprisingly well with Karen with her treating her and the others in a polar opposite way to how her mother would treat her.

So yeah, that's how their year has gone in my mind. Clearly, I am more than a little delusional when it comes to the treatment of Chucky survivors in the series.

[grison-in-space]

I am currently thinking about appeasement dynamics because Tribble is on the bed with me and Benton is losing his entire mind. (Usually she doesn't bother, I think because she really really doesn't want to get bumped and trigger the Arthritis, and between that and Matilda being in her crate for dinner we are having some dedicated Tribble time.)

Benton has grudgingly been learning to cope with Matilda on the bed, and he knows that we will not back him up if he tries to tell Tribble to get off his personal king-size bed with two accessory humans. Besides, Tribble is his emotional support aunt-mommy, so he isn't confident enough to actually think he can win that conflict if she tells him to fuck off--which she immediately will. So he absolutely can't get what he wants by forcing it.

But his emotions upon seeing another dog in "his" space are very strong and he can't cope: he really really wants to have his space all to himself! what if she gets all the attention and not him! how can he feel safe if a human won't drop everything at all times to love Benton!

so he's doing another thing, a thing that's a common tactic for getting what you want in any social hierarchy where there's a rank difference (parent, boss, teacher, elder in your family). which is that he's trying to see that if he can get what he wants by appeasement bombing: "I'm not gonna challenge the rank, I'm just a little baby, the hierarchy of respect and decisions will be intact, I'm small and innocent and loyal and smol and need to be reassured, please?" He'll layer on appeasing-drenched bids for attention, both from Tribble herself and any human that might intervene. After all, what he wants is for her to leave, and we are a net positive to her...

Here is the thing: a lot of too-direct requests spark a conflict that can result in loss of the treasured item whether or not the other party -- Tribble, here -- even wants it. Sometimes we just want things to prove we can have them, and that's all well and good but what if someone else wants it so much more!?

So he's accomplishing several things: one, he's making very sure no one thinks he could ever challenge anyone else to take that context away; two, he's making it clear how MUCH he wants it; and three, he's sucking all the joy out of the thing and being obnoxious as all hell. I indulged him enough to roll over away from him when Tribble did and he quit at that point, but I would have kicked him off the bed if he continued past that point. (also if I wasn't experiencing chills and vertigo from COVID.) This is because what he is doing is asshole behavior: it's not a function of the behaviors he's actually performing to get his request, it's a function of the request itself.

Like I said, it is a king size bed, you usually get your pick of places to sleep, and you are in the middle of it. You get attention from humans on demand and you were asleep anyway. She's not actually taking anything concrete from him; he's just really anxious she might and he wants her to do the most obvious thing to him that would make the anxiety go away. So the desire to have no competition for the bed and the attention of two different humans is--his emotions are so big and they are so valid and so real, no one is disputing that, but the thing he wants is not compatible with fairness, reality, or living in my house. So he can have unlimited attention from the other human, a couple of pats from me, and then he can either practice his coping skills or put his body out of the situation and try again later when he can handle his feelings. Either way we want him to learn to self soothe and control littler emotions, so he builds some skills for the big ones.

Anyway if you've read this far a sizeable range of these concepts apply to humans with toxic presentations of anxiety problems, choosing to occupy lower ranking versions of their roles (eg tradwife responses to feminism), rude subs, entitled asks from fans to celebrities, and all manner of other obnoxious behavior from bottom upwards on a social hierarchy. (That hierarchy only has to exist in the mind of the person acting according to it.)

Your emotions are real and they are valid. You cannot change them or will them into the void. But the things your valid heart desires may or may not be things it is reasonable for you to have, and that is the fundamental point where toxicity begins to fester. There are things you can do about this, often with help and support, and having big emotions doesn't mean that you're bad. You can't choose emotions. What you can choose is what you intend to do about them.

Anyway have a photo or two of my guys being snuggly

[bishiglomper]

I need to rant

But omfg. The niece. The niece is going to finally drive us off the deep end.

She wants to keep the baby if it belongs to current, 3 week old boyfriend.

He's got priors, went to jail for something drug related I think. And he's on the registry. Which we dont even get to know the situation because niece refuses to ask.

Now so far as a person, I dont have any bad feelings about him. He's nice and polite, he can function, he can read, unlike her fiance.. He says he can cook. Has expressed sentiments like getting niece new shoes because hers are falling apart. No sign of anger issues yet like the last 2. I think she said hes got like 2 kids out there

And i dont know what color flag this is, but he once told the niece he chopped off his beloved hair to see her reaction. He wanted her to blow up but she was just like "its your body." Then she reiterated that she expected the same respect. Like if she got a piercing he may disagree with. Shes still gonna do it.

Who knows where pregnancy stands on that line.

Oh and by the way, she still hasnt even said "i love you" back yet. But she'll have his child??

But this bitch is in no fucking means ready for a child.

She's a good caretaker, I would trust her to babysit for a few hours just fine but thats it.

For one, she neglected her rats to death.

She told me with no shame that she absolutely doesnt touch a litterbox, and that she starved her cat.

The woman doesnt even take care of herself. She barely eats and she keeps losing weight. Shes like 5"2 and in childrens jeans. And even though she kept passing out and was told ahe has super low B12, she refused too take suppliments. Even if i handed them directly to her.

If that keeps up shes just going to end up having a miscarriage or a premie with medical problems.

And i dont know what smoking weed during pregnancy does. But its worth looking into.

She does have her own apartment, but does she stay there? No. Only when she has someone over to do things together.

My sister and her son already sleep on the floor in the living room. Niece sleeps on the chaise

You think we have room to help raise a baby, even if we wanted to? Hell to the fuckin no.

Speaking if which. I can already see the dynamic that will be

She'll want us to watch the baby while she continues to work at applebees, where she'll be stuck forever now instead of getting back to college eventually. But she'll have strong weird opinions on how shes going to raise her child.

i just know shes going to be like her bff and teach her toddler to say "mommys a bitch!"

Because i was thinking if there were a smaller child around we could probably get nephew to cut it out. But nah, she would encourage it because its funny.

By the way, we're hiding this from the nephew. It was almost ww3. Sissy doesnt want him to know. And niece is offended because its her brother, he can understsnd the concept of abortion and ahw doesnt like to keep things from him.

Also not telling the aunt. Niece doesn't give a fuck and may do so out of spite

We still havent recovered that relationship enough to have dinner together. And aunt said something like "since (mom) isn't saving your souls, I'm going to have to do it"

So if she finds out, its just going to get really, really annoying. And drive more wedge between us all.

Niece asked her mom if she was gonna be mad at her if she kept it. Sissy told me she was mad either way. There will be no winning.

My mother and sister are being way super gentle and calm about it all to her. She does not deserve it. She needs to sit there like an adult and listen to our concerns before she makes a decision just because it's current boyfriend's DNA in there. She never wanted her own children. And if she wants to suddenly play adult, she needs to make some adult fucking decisions.

[alltime-ana]

Ok I’m gonna respond with something more thoughtful and thought out. Not a fan of the tumblr way of giving snarky answers to people asking questions cause then there’s no growth or connection or learning.

There is a lot of subtext in what you said that I disagree with. But I FULLY agree with one point you are getting at here - My partner and I are privileged because we are straight-passing. When I hold his hand publicly I don’t have one eye out for danger like I did when I held a woman’s hand. No one is calling him slurs for attraction to a woman like they did for attraction to another gender. I would never go “oh I have it as hard as every other queer person :(“ because obviously my current experience is very different from, say, someone openly trans.

But to define queerness by how oppressed you are or how visible your queerness is is a dangerous path, I think. Are trans couples who aren’t clocked as trans… not in a queer relationship? Is a gender queer couple who might not always visibly present as gender queer… not in a queer relationship? Do they need to fit into some kind of box of what other people think a trans or gender queer person looks like in order to say they’re in a queer relationship? Ask yourself why you associate “queerness” with “chance of getting hate crimed at any given moment.”

You’re saying you would never invalidate our sexualities but can you see how saying two queer people who are in a relationship are NOT in a queer relationship does just that? a relationship doesn’t exist in a void outside of the people who are in said relationship. A relationship is contingent on the identities of the individuals within it because a relationship is the connection of two or more individuals. How would our relationship not be queer when we are both queer? None of our relationship fits the “heterosexual norm” outside of what we look like lol.

Also, I do think a straight passing queer couple faces oppression on some level. Not the physical danger that those more visibly queer do, and I would never act like I’ve lived in the kind of danger a gay boy growing up in rural America has (just as one example). But anti queer rhetoric still hurts straight passing queer people. Some homophobe saying anyone who likes the same sex is going straight to hell isn’t gonna NOT affect me just cause I’m dating a man atm. Their hatred includes me as well, even if they might not know it just by looking at me. And my aunt referring to my attraction to women as “confusion” is still hurtful and silencing even though I am happily with a man atm. The shame my boyfriend felt throughout his teenage years whenever his father called him a faggot hasn’t disappeared because he’s in love with a woman.

TL;DR: I think we can recognize that some queer couples have a safer and more privileged existence than others without saying the relationship is NOT queer.

I’m open to more dialogue on this subject if you would like.

Love bi people so much, you and your partner are queer, but a cis man/woman relationship cannot be queer relationship, that is by definition a heterosexual relationship. What makes a relationship queer is it not being the heterosexual norm, one man, one woman. You and your boyfriend are that. There are no barriers anywhere in the world in pursuing your relationship. This can be said without invalidating the sexual orientation of yourself and your partner, which is always wrong.

?????????????

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Okay so. I’ve been playing OB! And I just got to the part where they discover Mc is the descendant of Human Lilith

Now my question is, does this counts as (The Mc and 7 bros) if they are relatives? Like a long line of lost nephews? Is this a Zeus situation where all that logic goes out the window?

After that, I don’t see them as datable anymore.

I see them at the end of the story visiting Mc’s house and relatives in a family gathering or something. Like their son/daughter just went to Hell and came back with 7 more uncles, the parents since then just invites the guys over for celebrations and dinners!

I went with the idea of a datable sim, came out with found family. Fuck! I love it?

Boom! So I'm actually officially??? qualified to answer this question! I was raised Buddhist & was actually good enough at the whole theory/concept behind it that I got the batch prize for religion multiple times/years (weird thing to brag about but my list of things I can brag about is v small so lemme have this one damnit). And reincarnation is a big thing in Buddhism so *jazz hands* yknow

I'm gonna answer this in 2 parts & add a bonus part for a "what if" AU;

1. Is MC Actually Related to Lilith the Angel aka The Brothers' Sister Lilith?

The Answer: No.

• Lilith died after the war. It's very specifically said that Diavolo reincarnated her as a human.

• Reincarnation, simplified, means that after a sentient being dies their soul is born again in the body of a whole new sentient being.

• Reincarnation allows a soul to live again as a whole new person with 0 ties to their previous life (unless the soul is born again within the same family). They may retain a couple memories from their previous life for their first 3-4 years of life* but that fades away eventually. They may hold on to a few characteristics but lots of unrelated people have the same characteristics so it's not a Big Deal.

* not sure how much I believe in reincarnation because it seems fantastical & a lot of this could just be childrens' brains being weird, imaginative and half formed but here's a few fun anecdotes of kids I knew talking about their "past lives"

01. My brother at age 3? would constantly tell us he was just staying with us till his real mother came to pick him up.

02. My cousin, an only child, would constantly tell his mother his older sister wanted him to change the lightbulb

03. There's one about my school friend (who currently may or may not hate me)'s little sister that I can't say because I'm lowkey scared she's got a tumblr account and on the 0.01% chance she sees this I might actually die so :D

04. I, till 4, apparently had a whole series of things I'd say about London of all places (I also constantly told one of my aunts not to sit in certain places cos there were ghosts already sitting there so I had a weird imagination so this should be taken with a boatload of salt); 1. Used to point at a very specific building and insist there was a similar one in London. 2. Talked about my dog Hiskie & how my parents? hid the both of us in the basement? when the police? were banging at our door - obviously we didn't have a dog or basement

• Lots of people see it as and call it "Rebirth" but I personally don't see it as that. You, the person you are & all that makes you up, dies. There's no second chance.* It's a way for your soul to live on but not you the person. Your soul gets to live on as a whole new person. You couldn't point at two strangers on the road and say "they're the same person" the same way you can't point at the person you were and the person your soul will become and say "they're the same person"

* In game, the brothers also see it as "rebirth" and as a second chance. They see it as Lilith surviving and living past the war. Which makes sense because;

• Rebirth/Reincarnation is not a phenomenon than occurs naturally in OM!. In OM!, canonically as seen in S2, peoples' souls are represented as candles that burn out. Once the candle burns out that's the end. Their soul is gone for good. Diavolo specifically uses his powers to stop this from happening to Lilith and to give her soul a second chance even if Lilith the person doesn't really get one. In a world where it's a known fact that once a person dies their soul is gone for good, finding out that your loved one, who died tragically and at a young age, 's soul got to live another life that was long and happy would be amazing. It would seem like that person got a second chance for real.

• A dog could die and the soul could be reincarnated as a human, who lives their life and gets married etc etc. This person is a human, not a dog in a human's body. (Though according to Buddhism you need to collect a lot of good karma to be born as a human & if you're a shithead your bad karma gets you demoted to an animal when you die* <- personally don't believe in this at all for a lot of reasons but mainly I know for a fact that there are animals living better & more luxurious lives than me so what is this bs?)

* 01. My grandma constantly told 5 yr old me that if I continued to blow spit bubbles I'd be reincarnated as a slug (this only made me blow more out of spite)

02. There's a saying? that you can tell someone who's pissing you off, which translated, basically means " I hope you get born as a dog in a shitty family" which I think is the funniest way you can tell someone to fuck off

TLDR;

* "human Lilith" probably looked nothing like Angel! Lilith, probably had a different name, canonically only remembered her life as Angel! Lilith when she died & her soul returned to its original state (she did have the soul of an angel though which probably affected her human body and which lead to MC's latent magic powers/why MC canonically doesn't seem to be 100% human/why MC's own soul is so shiny even though they're kind of an ass)

*MC is not related to the brothers' sister Lilith, so it ain't incest, if it were that means according to Buddhism everyone is always at a constant risk of accidentally participating in incest and beastiality which yeah....I'm not religious but good god would I fight someone who sees it as this

2. Are the Brothers & MC a Family - More Specifically A Found Family?

Answer: Yes.

• MC and the brothers are very much a family- more specifically a found family - something which is explicitly stated in OM! near the end of S2.

• Found families are as important as biological families. Their bonds are as strong, if not more so because they get the option to choose each other.

• But found families are gonna be messy because no one's gonna be actually related to each other & romantic and/or sexual chemistry can crop up. And that's normal.

• Depending on the found family, no one may take on more stereotypical family roles or certain people may rise up to take on those roles (eg: parental roles). With either of these types it's still pretty normal to date each other because they're not your real parents. Hell even normal friend groups have the "Mom Friend", that doesn't mean said friend can't date within their friend group.

• Most found families are friend groups who got closer and started seeing each other as family (it's also a very queer concept because lots of found families are queer people who came together because they couldn't get the love, acceptance & connection, all humans need, from their biological families).

• They're not "family" in the biological-related sense but rather in the "we care about each other above all else. we'll always have each others' backs. we'll call each other when we need help. we may fight but at the end of the day we love each other and will come together again". Again it doesn't mean they can't date within the group.

• In OM! however it gets Extra Messy because it mixes an adopted family and a found family. The brothers are a found family (the oddballs of the Celestial Realm who came together), but they're also an adopted family (adopted by Lucifer who saw them all as his brothers/kids) - the second part of this means they're actually brothers - they grew up together and are no different from biological brothers. None of them are gonna see romantic or sexual prospects in each other (with the exception of Asmo but that's just cause he's the personification of Lust + he always gets shut down by the rest).

• MC on the other hand is NOT part of their adopted family but IS part of their found family. MC's a stranger they met when they were all adults who became friends with them and who came to see the brothers as their (found) family and vice versa. This means MC dating the brothers would be completely normal and again not incestuous which I think is a lot of peoples' worry.

• The best example of a found family, with certain members taking on parental roles, that still has them dating/sleeping with each other within said found family is Community (the tv show which is getting a movie HELLO!!?!?). And this is an issue that community actually addresses in more or less detail;

Fucking watch this clip it's hilarious thank you

BONUS ROUND;

+ 1. What If MC Was Actually Related to Lilith the Angel; Would They Also Be Related to the Brothers?

The Answer: No.

• I've written a handful of human au! fics for the brothers and because of how short the time span in them must be, the whole descendent of a reincarnation thing doesn't work. Meaning I make MC a far off relation to OG! Lilith.

• For the answer to this question to be "No" you need to consider the background of two main points;

01. The Brothers & Lilith being an adopted family

-> Lilith & the brothers are canonically an adopted family. All the angels were created by God? presumably but they're not family/don't see themselves as family - the angels don't seem to practice family in the same way humans & demons do - I'm pretty sure the brothers are the odd ones out. Lucifer is the only one who refers to God as "Father" and Mammon canonically sees Lucifer as his dad. The brothers + Lilith are a family because Lucifer took them in one by one & referred to them as his family.

-> Am I saying being an adopted family makes their connections any less real or familial? No, calm down lemme get to my point.

02. MC's relationship with Lilith in this AU

-> MC (if MC was actually related to og Lilith) is a far off relation by thousands of years (my timeline between The Rebellion & S1 puts it at 5000+ years). Do you know who your blood relatives were 5000 years ago? Would you know who your blood relatives are 5000 years later?

-> To make up for the 5000 year time, in a human au MC would be a relative that's so far removed from your family that no one knows they or their own family branch even exists. It's doing a 23 and Me test & seeing you have some unheard of family line on the other side of the world. You're not gonna call them up and pretend to have some familial relationship with these complete strangers because not only will that be lowkey creepy, there's a high chance you won't even speak the same language.

• To make it easier to understand in our human lifetime perspective: Lilith and the brothers are part of a family where everyone was adopted by Lucifer (with only Satan being his biological son & only Lucifer being "God's" biological son). Lilith passes away and eventually the brothers meet MC who they befriend. Almost a year after they meet MC they accidentally discover that MC is a "so far off there's basically a 5000 year gap between us" relation of Lilith's. There'll be a lot of feelings involved, because Lilith's yknow dead, but after that's all dealt with in the grand scheme of things nothing's really changed. Lilith & the brothers' not being blood related didn't make them any less of a real family BUT Lilith & the brothers' not being blood related combined with how removed of a relative MC & Lilith are from each other means that there's no actual familial connection between MC & the brothers - they're not gonna look at each other and see their new sibling or something similar

Overall;

☆ Yes, MC & the brothers are a found family. It's one of my favourite things about OM! and one of the biggest reasons I stuck with this game for 2 1/2 years now (when a couple months is my usual attention span for games). OM!'s also the only dating sim ik of that pushed off the romance for one whole year (in game time) just so they can establish the found family aspect of it (ik there are lots of really good queer dating sims now - shoutout to The Arcana my love - but OM! is the queer dating sim for me)

☆ No, MC & the brothers aren't actually related and they don't see themselves as being related either

☆ Yes, MC can have romantic/sexual relationships with the brothers, it's nowhere near incest

☆ If you don't see the relationship between MC & the brothers as romantic then that's completely okay! While the events push the romantic aspect the main story lets you reject them and be only friends/family AND there are 7 more LIs available (though they are side characters & only get more screentime starting from S3)

☆ Here's more posts I made about Lilith that are related;

* I had about 3 more answered asks about Lilith's Reincarnation but I can't find them because the tagging system on tumblr is shit and I really need to make a masterlist of all my posts before I lose my mind trying to find a relevant post. Anyway this ask goes the most in depth about all of it so*

Lilith, Her Lover & Reincarnation

Lilith & MC's Story Relevance to One Another

Lilith and Her Other Descendents

☆ Here's me being shameless, in my self promotion, with a Lilith centered fic;

Speaking to Myself

7 brothers seek comfort from the grave of their long lost sister, a human lives and breathes just floors above them

[finchleaf]

howdy! sorry i've been away for so long; i've been visiting family here in turkey but i'm gonna try to start this blog back up :) for now it'll mostly be journal pics

24th july - would you prefer your summer to be shorter or longer?

honestly? maybe a bit shorter. i feel like the days tend to blur together during summer break and not having school to focus on seems to make my mental health even worse :/ anyways! i'm very excited for senior year as you can tell haha

answering the rest down below!

1st July - What are your plans for this summer?

lots of traveling, working as a camp counselor in august, makin some sweet sweet money to save up for college, playing the new sims expansion pack (!!), and hanging out with friends as much as possible before schoolwork begins to bury me alive again :)

2nd July - Do you have a specific goal for this summer?

i want to study really well for my sat in late august!! (i’ve already made some great progress) also i want to get a lot of college app stuff out of the way (write some more practice essays bc i don’t like my current one, get my letters of rec in place, figure out my major, etc)

3rd July - Do you have a lot of work to do for school, university or your job this summer?

ooo ok we have to read a book and write an assignment for it for ap lit this year (except i think we start that once we get back to school?). also i need to do a bunch of summer hw for ap calc, but that’s pretty much it! and then i have a job for 2 weeks in august (as mentioned above hehe)

4th July - What is the most important task that you need to complete this summer?

probably college app stuff ahhh don’t want to even think about it anymore

5th July -  Do you have any special plans or activities for this summer?

traveling to turkey to see my family!! staying in a couple of villas (there’s a lot of us!) and then my grandma’s old summer apartment for ~5 days

6th July - What do you usually do during the summer? Is anything different this year?

going to turkey! a lifelong tradition since i was a lil baby :) last year we couldn’t go so this year’s extra special. also my first time doin a summer job!!

7th July - What did you do during the summer when you were a young child?

^^^ same as above haha

8th July - What’s your happiest summer memory from your childhood?

ooh probably one of the many from my grandma’s little summer apartment here. i have an 11 yo cousin so we share a lot of memories like running to buy our anneanne her newspaper in the convenience store downstairs, finding fish underwater at the local beach, staying up late gorging on magnum ice cream bars :)

9th July - Do you usually go on vacation during the summer?

yup

10th July - What is the best vacation you have ever been on? (note: doesn’t have to be a summer vacation)

oooh one time after flying into istanbul to stay with aforementioned cousin and my aunt, we all traveled to london for about a week! i loved that so so much, we never could really afford to go anywhere else for vacation so that was super memorable for me.

11th July - What is your favourite vacation memory?

swimming with my family in oludeniz, (called “blue lagoon”) a super pretty beach area. we swam to a little island and then jumped off its cliff :)))

12th July - What is the worst vacation you have ever been on?

oh god ok vomit tw for this one but one time my aunt, cousin, mom, and i traveled back to istanbul after staying at my grandma’s in ayvalik and we had to take a boat for a couple of hours. everyone on the boat (and it was a big one) for some reason started vomiting everywhere. i was i think the only one who wasn’t sick so it was hell haha

13th July - What is your dream vacation?

like a month-long roadtrip around france!!!! i’ve wanted to go there since i was in elementary school

14th July - Would you rather stay in one resort for a month or travel across the country for one month?

definitely travel cross country omg

15th July - Are there any special events for you in the summer? (for example, birthdays, festivals, etc.)

bayram!! bayram is sick you get money for kissing the older people in your family sjfdsjj

16th July - Do you have any summer traditions?

renting a villa with the entire family!

17th July - What is your typical daily routine in the summer?

at home, i usually wake up anywhere from 7am to 10am, take my dog for 2+ walks, read a ton, and avoid work ;)

18th July -  How do you stay motivated during the summer? (for example, to study)

it’s pretty tough! i’m hoping to study daily in my town’s library for my sat once i get back home in august. i think that’ll be pretty handy!

19th July - Do you stay indoors or outdoors more in the summer?

oh outdoors there’s no ac here so we’re constantly heading over to the beach

but at home in the us, probably indoors

20th July - Are you a ‘summer person’?

nOOOOOO i love any season/month that allows me to wear sweaters and pants, so obviously i’m not a big fan of summer

21st July - What is an unpopular opinion that you have about summer?

oh hm i’m not sure... most of the women in my family always wear bikinis when we go to the beach and i just really hate them? idk haha

also i think summer camps are kinda weird but that’s probably because i never went to one as a kid

22nd July - What does summer feel like where you live?

rather cool in the later afternoon. i also love how it smells there-- lots of freshly-cut lawns, grills constantly being used, the hydrangeas in our backyard

23rd July - Would you prefer summer to be hotter or colder than it usually is for you?

oh huh it can get reaaally hot midday so it would be nice if it was a bit cooler 

[kawaragimysticalsenju]

Clarity | Tokyo Rev

Chapter One

Synopsis : August 3rd aka the infamous Spring Festival of Shibuya. Hanabi hoped for a quiet evening, or just about how quiet as it can get with Keisuke Baji as your cousin. But gang life has a weird way of vining it's way into her life.

OC used : Hanabi Kawaguchi

Word Count : 1.9K

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“So why’re you not in a kimono?”

Hazel eyes rolling back to her head, Hanabi jabbed her elbow at her cousin’s ribs. “You’re girly enough for the both of us. Why don’t you give it a try?”

Keisuke scoffed, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Why the hell are we even here? I told you not to come home today. Now mom’s gonna check up on us. I was hoping to blow up those perfectly fine tires!”

The festival wasn’t anything fancy. A bunch of fast food stalls and game shops but the crowd was jovial as ever. Couples, families and groups of friends buzzed with chatter and laughter. Snorting at a poor soul getting rejected behind the bamboo pillar, Hanabi fiddled with her backpack straps.

“I didn’t know you’re such a momma’s boy, Kei~” A teasing smile playing on her lips as she skipped ahead. “If you don’t like it here that bad, go ahead and defy Auntie. Oh wait- you’re afraid of getting your ass whooped!”

“Huh?! As if!” Baji’s voice held clear ire. “What about you? Why are you here? Thought you had projects to work on.”

Glaring at the male tugging on her school bag, she aimed a half-hearted kick at his shin, making him scowl. “Don’t touch that. The keychains are loose and I don’t wanna loose another one!”

Ignoring his ‘Just buy more bitch’, she continued, “And yeah, I do have stuff to finish. But according to Pops, I’m spending too much time cooped up inside. So here I am.” Her jazz-hands were met with a forehead flick.

“Why bother listening to that old man?”

Hanabi’s incredulous expression went unnoticed. “That old man is also our grandfather.”

Honestly, she never saw the point of why there remained bad blood between her aunt’s side of the family and theirs. When she was younger, grandma would keep them and their three other cousins busy, so she seldom overheard the screaming match that went on behind closed doors. After the incident, of which Hanabi still didn’t know the specifics, which took away her parents’ lives, things got quiet. But family dinners remained awkward matters, save for nuisances being spawned known as more of her extended family. She wasn’t really close with any of them. The only reason her and Keisuke maintained regular contact was because they were the closest in terms of age.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He shrugged unceremoniously. “Also, did you know that we have a twelfth cousin now?”

With a bored look, she nodded. “Yup. Grandma was screaming all about it last night. As if the neighbours aren’t already nosey enough. They named her Tsukiko Risa or something like that.”

“So, it’s…Karui’s kid?”

“Yes sir. That woman is reproducing faster than a catholic rabbit.” They shared a laugh. “Seriously! And what? She’s on her third husband, right?”

Kissing his teeth, he glared down the confused stares they received. “Yeah…our family’s messed up.”

"No kidding-"

Before she could finish, the loud voice of some metal band evaded the air. Fishing inside his utility belt, Keisuke retrieved his phone. Hanabi didn't see the Caller ID but her curiosity was satiated by her cousin's wolfish grin.

"Now that's gonna be the highlight of my evening! Tell the others to meet at the old shrine behind the hospital." He cut the line before turning to the shorter female. "A few Moebius guys attacked Draken at the park's festival. Mitsuya caught wind of it and informed Hakkai. Heh, I can't wait to kick some ass!"

As he started sprinting towards the parking lot, he noticed her hesitation. "You are coming…right?

"Yeah...um..."

"Oi!" She jumped in her place, startled by his sudden yell. She was taken aback when he gripped her shoulders, easily towering over her as he looked her dead in the eye. "What's with ya? You've been acting strange, missing meetings for the past month. When we created Toman, we swore to never back out! So wear your big girl panties and stop acting like a damn coward!"

Hanabi had figured blinking at his face would do nothing. It wasn't like she wanted to be hesitant about what they did. But at the end of the day, they were high school punks and realistically speaking, 'bringing a new age for delinquents' was easier said than done. But on the flip side, she wasn't as stupid not to realize that at that very moment, Draken and Mitsuya were in some real shit.

"Assholes. Always dragging me into unnecessary trouble." Sighing quietly, she brushed off Baji's hold, a smug smile creeping up to her face. "Alright, you got me. Get your uniform, dipshit. Also, never touch me like that again. I'll kill you."

She flinched as his hand ruffled her hair and he was off towards his bike. "Sure. Beat me in a fight first. Then we'll talk!"

Fighting was the last thing on her mind. The first was to get her belongings to a safe place and there was no better safe place than the forbidden room of the shrine. Well, in her head it had sounded cooler. Next on her agenda was to actually get the gang to their rendevous point.

As third in command, she knew Hakkai. He was the vice captain of the second division. A fairly new member who Mitsuya introduced and the guy rose up the ranks as fast as the bullet train. And while he could get his division to cooperate, she doubted he had the same authority and resources to contact the rest.

She didn't need to worry about the first division nor the second. Third division was out of question. Excluding that, someone who was well accquianted with the other captains was none other than the one in-charge of the fourth division - Nahoya Kawata.

The line rang for a few seconds before the familiar cheery voice of 'Smiley' answered. "Yoohoo. What's up, Miss Spy? Rare for you to call so late."

"Hey, yeah, sorry for this but I really need help. We're kinda in a twisted circumstance." She answered, simultaneously dodging people to exit the fair that seemed bigger in size somehow. "How fast can you gather the rest? No time to waste."

There was a pause and she swore she heard the other Kawata mumbling something on the other side.

"That? Give me fifteen. I'll get everyone." His answer somewhat reassured her. As fast as she could, she blabbered the details of the situation to him, spotting the entrance of the parking just across the road.

Rotten luck, however, seemed to follow her everywhere. "Well, well, well. If it ain't Kawaguchi. The prey willingly came to the hunter. What a night."

Turning around, she was met with a ragtag group, all clad in white jackets with the headless angel insignia of Valhalla. Closing her eyes, a shaky breath escaped her lips. "I can't catch a fucking break, can I?"

She watched cautiously as the guys cracked their knuckles, appearing more dramatic than a bunch of muscle-y rats breakdancing.

"The only thing catching a break will be your bones." One of them spoke with a squeaky voice. "We know who sold us out. We were thriving in Toman but you just had to open your trap and mess things up."

"Eh...well stealing from our treasury does tend to kick people off the team." Behind her back, she dropped her phone, kicking it as far as she could into the bushes. Last thing she needed was a broken phone. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry?" Even she knew she sound the most unapologetic she ever had.

"Sorry won't cut it! Die, bitch!"

In her defence, it had been a while since she fought but she barely avoided the guy swinging a butcher knife. The erratic beating of her heart only fuelled her euphoria. "So, we're getting the big guns out now? Fine. Come at me with all you've got."

A good half an hour, nine missed calls and a heap of limbs formed by defeated species who called themselves men later, Hanabi was pissed. Ducking down into a crouch, she pulled at the guy's legs as he dropped into the mud. Even the rain had long since started and stopped. Straddling his waist, she delivered a final punch, a revenge for her own broken nose.

"Stubborn bastards, aren't you? Do humanity a favour and stay unconcious." That seemed like a badass thing to say. Reality is often disappointing.

Collecting her phone from the ground, she checked if it still worked. It did. A message of Emma's location pinged loudly. Running faster than ever before, with a mild limp from her fall (it was her fault for not noticing the muddy puddle), she mounted her bike. The engine revved to life and she nearly rammed into an oncoming delivery truck.

The location was of the other side of Shibuya, near the 11th lane. Wondering what they were doing that far away from the fair which was on the 7th lane, she decided to check it out herself. Emma Sano had her own unique way of doing things.

However, seeing a bunch of beat up teens and more Moebius rats was the not something she expected. A few sophmores from Mizo looked to have the situation at bay but the bleeding Draken did not. Three figures were hunched over his form and his health looked critical.

Recognizing Mikey's sister, she ran up to them. "Emma! What the hell happened?!"

Noticing her, the blonde flung herself upon Hanabi, mascara running down her face. "Oh, H-hanabi! It's Draken. He barely has a pulse!"

The dual-haired girl's eyes widened, her being torn between comforting her friend and getting more information than what vague words she received. Draken looked like he was dragged through hell, blood drying on his face and no sign of life in him.

"Emma! Get it together. Draken will be fine!" Turning to the other teens who looked equally devastated, she addressed them, "Did you call an ambulance?"

The boy with unruly hair and blood running down his face answered, "Yeah. They said it would be at least five minutes. W-ell that was five minutes ago so-"

"Yeah, I get it." She didn't mean to snap. It was just a attitude fault on her part. But one of her good friends was still battling to stay alive and the rest were she had no idea where. In the distance, she could hear the faint sound of a siren. Staring to two blankly, she made the hysterical Emma lean against the brown-haired girl.

"Look, I'm trusting you two. If you're involved, you know Mikey. Get Ken to the hospital." Shoving a piece of paper on the guy's hand, she ran to down the street, jumping over the array of hopefully alive dudes. "Send me the address of the hospital when you get there!"

On her way to the parking lot, a bike drove away and Hanabi swore she knew the lanky man with an odd patch of bleached hair from somewhere. But her concerns lay with her short companion. It didn't take too long to find him as he stood unmoving in his teal attire.

"Oi! Mikey!"

She reached him, slapping her hand on his back. He blinked as if returning to the land of living. "Hana-chan. You came."

Sighing at his usual bluntness, she facepalmed before swinging her phone in front of his face. "Not important. Point is, Ken's in the hospital and we need to get there. It's critical!"

She could only hope that he heard the urgency in her voice as he looked around. Members of their gang were helping their comrades who were unable to move. Then suddenly, "You're in-charge. Get these guys home."

Before she could register his words, he had snatched the cellphone out of her grasp and drove away. She pursed her lips, the words dying on her tongue and urge to jump off a cliff increasing.

"Fan-fucking-tastic..."

[strititty]

it’s stridercest week yall!!! for day one (firsts) i’m posting a lil prequel ficlet for my transfem davecest fic. it’s slightly less fluffy, slightly more addressing the ‘what’s the deal with bro (spoilers: he still ain’t good) and why does dave live with D’, and i’ll probably make a much bigger more polished fic of it at some point but you know. for now! here you go.

==>

The first night after your uncle snatches you up is a whirlwind of too many feelings for one human being to deal with. Like, you’re ice cold, aight, you’re absolutely frigid, but a guy gets whisked away somewhere like this? Shoved into a bedroom that doesn’t belong to you, listening to half a conversation on the other side of the door? It’s sudden, not like Cal to the face or a fresh set of bruises--sudden like a shock to the system, dunked in freezing water with no way out.

“What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t just leave him there.”

You sit with your back against the door, listening to his voice echo up the hall while you stare down at your arm. The cast is red underneath the masterpiece of black sharpie scribbles featuring characters you co-opted from the uncle currently trying to keep a private conversation. Bro used to be so good about not leaving marks. Just enough hurt to drive home the point and not an inch more. 

There’s a nervous, slightly unhinged laugh. “Could have sent him to Roxanne. She’s the one who noticed, and she’s got his sister. They’re fuckin’ twins, Rose, they should be together. Hell, they’re named after us. Totally inseparable.”

The idea of facing Rose - your Rose, not the aunt you were only loosely aware you had - makes your blood boil. Anger? Embarrassment? Shame?

“No, I know she’s got a problem--Christ, woman, give me a break. Of course I want to keep him. He’s my nephew.”

She ratted you out. 

“I just don’t wanna fuck him up more than he already is, alright? I’m doing bad enough with Hal and Dirk and work. Might as well slap a sign on my forehead that says not suitable for children or some shit. Hide your kids, hide your wife.” 

You kind of wanted her to.

Your uncle’s quiet for a long time, except for little sounds of acknowledgement. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Softer, softer still, winding down until you can’t hear him at all and you’re only looking at your ragged nails.

The call must end, or maybe you fall asleep, or maybe you lose time - which is fucking weird, because you can guess time down to the minute - but you jolt up at the sound of a tap-tap-tap just behind you.

That’s what people call knocking, huh. 

“Dave?” asks your uncle, and you hop to your feet right quick.

“Yo, whaddup,” you say, cool as you please. 

He cracks open the door and it’s a little like looking yourself in the face, if you were also twenty years older and dressed in a rumpled suit with no shoes. This is the least put together you’ve ever seen him, not that that’s saying much, because you’d met him maybe once when you were five or six. Him and Bro had what you in the business call a ripsnorting blowout of a cage match and Bro got his nose broken.

It’s the first and only time you saw him bleed, and you don’t even remember what it was about. You, probably, or maybe money. Kids and money are where it’s at in the world of conflict.

“Gonna order some food--whatcha want? There’s this good Chinese place that’ll deliver past the paps, or about a hundred pizza joints, or Dirk’s favorite sushi place, or Hal’s favorite sushi place, which are two different places, for the record, cuz those two won’t agree on anything. Have to order from both on sushi nights just to keep them from tearing each other’s throats out.”

“Holy shit, Cain instinct,” you say. 

Your uncle snorts. “Yeah, they got it bad. You’ll see when they get back from Rose’s--uh, y’know. Roxy’s place. Your aunt Rose, your cousin Roxy. Pretty insane that I got you when they weren’t here. They’re gonna be all over you when they show up, sorry in advance.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m used to being covered in bitches,” you say, and your uncle snorts. There’s some force behind it that makes you feel warm with his approval, if in fact this is approval. The smile he flashes suggests that it might be.

“I should scold you for that, but I ain’t gonna. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

[dangermousie]

CFC 169

1. Auntie Li is terrified by how terrible XQC looks - unfocused eyes that look as if he were crying, misbuttoned clothes etc. And yes, some of it is because of the progression of his illness (the lack of focus in the eyes) but a lot of it is not, it’s because he’s too distraught and he feels too much - think of him post the club, which was horrific in every way and, objectively, should have been much worse for XQC emotionally than the recent chapters - revenge rape for the express purpose of breaking him versus someone finding out about him and HY and also having to break HY’s heart. XQC pulled himself together in such a way that even tho he ended up in the hospital, nobody thought he was totally wrecked; he didn’t cry (and in fact thought he is denied such relief) and just kept moving. And I think it’s because he was still solid frozen at the time, so self-dehumanized that he could keep going with minimum fuss (except for when his body physically shut down on him hence hospital or his subconscious let out his trauma in nightmares) but now he cannot - he cannot but cry, he cannot but be so distraught he didn’t neaten himself - because he thawed, he was thawed by He Yu and it’s good and it’s healing to feel and to allow yourself to feel but also that means that one of the things you can feel is horrific pain. No wonder he’s trying to refreeze and pushing HY away and all that - allowing himself to live may be more painful in the short run (and he doesn’t allow himself to think he may have a long run.) Not sure if I am making sense, I am sleep deprived and emotionally compromised but - short version is I find it so fascinating that XQC is more wrecked by breaking up with HY than the club.

2. Aunt Li hugging XQC as he says “I want to go home” - my heart! And he really means the past, doesn’t he? The past before his parents’ death and he never can.

3. Great, now Aunt Li thinks XQC got mistreated by some dude and candidate n1 is He Yu. DREAAAD. But also Meatbun is a genius because HY did rape XQC back 100 chapters ago and he deserved punishment and revenge and opprobrium which he never got for it and Meatbun never gave it to him only to start doling it out now, after he has changed and grown and repented and after XQC himself loves him and when in the current instance HY is the wronged party and Auntie Li’s guess is both so right and so wrong at the same time (and not just because she thinks HY dumped and used XQC as opposed to...) And so he will get punished when he doesn’t deserve it because he did not get punished when he did, and this will, of course, cause maximum pain. In a way, it reminds me of Mo Ran 1.0 and 2.0 receiving karmic punishment for what Taxian Jun inflicted on Chu Wanning - everything gets repaid - the blood cross, the public humiliation, the core removal, hell even noncon (because it’s clear in the censer scene that Mo Ran does not want it, he wants to stop, but his body is not his own and he can’t), and a lot of it gets repaid with interest but it is both utterly right and utterly wrong because it is done by people not wronged by Mo Ran and/or who this iteration of Mo Ran has not wronged (they are all in splinter universe) and to a person who is so thoroughly good. (Meatbun is so good at this kind of bitter irony, kind of like supreme ruler Taxian Jun who enslaved Chu Wanning and the world as well actually being more of a slave and puppet than the least of his servants, not even being allowed the freedom of knowing he’s enslaved or of his memories or hell, even deprived of the ability to die.)

4. HY spending the night sitting on the curb by XQC’s house, looking like a kicked puppy and Auntie Lee sees and smashes vegetables on his head. You know what occurs to me? XQC has a lot of people who love him and want to protect him but HY has nobody. Nobody is ever gonna throw vegetables at XQC for wronging HY, nobody is gonna give a damn.

5. Auntie Li is saying she’s gonna drag him to the cops if he persists and HY knows she misunderstood but does not defend himself because he did do what she accuses him of, only months ago, and yesterday he stopped but what if he didn’t blah blah he has no self esteem and is so depressed and just - I don’t want him to be hurt, I take all my earlier curses of him from 100 chapters ago back. PLS! I didn’t mean it!

This chapter was as cheerful as a root canal.

[meherya]

Okay I’ve fully formulated my thoughts on Little Women (2022)

It started off as intriguing, the way everything fell apart for the sisters... The set up with Hwa Young’s death and the bankruptcy case for In Kyung set the stage... but then... it was just... Personally, the whole back and forth mind games stuff was boring as hell, and the show lagged between like ep 3 and ep 8.. Stuff moved way too fast at times, and most of the characters (In Joo) made the dumbest decisions over and over again and really didn’t learn from her past mistakes... Like in the end, why would you not tell Do Il that Sang-A texted you? Do you still not trust him? Like in the beginning it would have made sense but in the end? Dumb bitch juice is her bread and butter I’m guessing. Also the stylist must have hated Kim Go Eun or something, always had her dressed like she’d lived on the prairies as a school teacher in the 1940s (the big auction outfit was saur bad I’m sorry).

I understand the point of her character was like “you won’t break my soul” or whatever but I still think the writers did her dirty, Kim Go Eun played her being kind of a ditz well but I think we got a glimpse of how good In Joo’s character could have been when she held Sang-A at gunpoint in Singapore. If only the writers had made In Joo learn how to play the game herself rather than having her pushed around from one plot point to the other. Like I’m never gonna get over everyone knowing the big plan to outsmart Jae Sang/Sang-A when they threatened Do Il EXCEPT her bc they were like “yea she’d ruin it” LIKE PLEASE 😭

I think that would have to be my biggest gripe with the show, overall I don’t think In Joo should’ve been the main focus.. In Kyung’s storyline was much more interesting, like finding out she’s an alcoholic and was raised by the wealthy great aunt, not to mention how she was willing to get mauled by a dog to expose Jae Sang which did tie in with the 70 billion won that was embezzled by those crazies. For In Joo I think the narrative did her dirty, she’s really only ever being pulled along the current by the people around her whether it’s Do Il or Sang-A like she really wasn’t making much of her own decisions after she got caught with 2 billion won.

Other than that, they would introduce plot points and drop them like it was nothing... What was up with the whole great aunt’s debt that In Kyung has to deal with? What happened to Do Il’s dad? His mom? The ending ties up loose ends sure but in an unbelievable type of way. Those videos from Hwa Young’s apartment... if the Jeongran society was so thorough with their clean up how did those recording devices go undetected, they got some random dude’s blackbox and fucked the cctv up so how they miss that (also the fact that there were multiple angles lmao). Some stuff in the show just straight up didn’t make sense, how did Sang-Woo manage to save the video of him being murdered by Jae-Sang... what’s this new technology? I know a lot of it has to do with the suspension of disbelief, like ik there’s some hallucinogenic flower involved too like obvi stuff isn’t gonna be REAL but... I had trouble suspending by disbelief because the writing wasn’t tight enough for me to do that.

Continuing with what doesn’t make sense..... Wasn’t In Joo sentenced to a year and 6 months? How did she come out and Hwa Young still has the same injuries as she did when she was in court. Also the whole orchestrated accident thing by Jae Sang... but also Sang-A was also in Singapore to fuck with In Joo? Idk like shit was not adding up to me.

Romance wise idk I never thought Do Il and In Joo were going in that direction, like till the end Do Il scoffs when that lady says “ur in love with in joo” like please... I think his actions contradicting his earlier words about dancing for the money has largely to do with the fact that after In Joo delivered his mom’s message he was like hmm maybe revenge is better than money. I genuinely think In Joo and Hwa Young had more chemistry than them but I digress. As for In Kyung and her neighbour idk she spends a good portion of the show being uninterested and in the end they’re kissing like okay I guess.

I say all this to say.... how is this even remotely close to Little Women 😭

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Words: ~4,200

Cw for some descriptions of the pain of childbirth.

Includes my drawing of Inuyasha and baby Moroha later on in the story! (I will also post separately).

Read on AO3

A/N at the end.

------------------------------

The first of the evening’s stars twinkled against a darkening sky above Kaede’s hut, where Kagome lay inside, deep in the throes of labor. The initial pangs of discomfort had begun shortly after daybreak that morning, the recent sunset marking thirteen hours since then. Now well into active labor, Kagome braced herself for yet another painful contraction. She groaned before clenching her jaw tightly shut, feeling the muscles within her lower abdomen begin to tense.

The fingers of her right hand were laced firmly through her husband’s, who sat diligently at her side. She squeezed Inuyasha’s hand with all her strength, grateful that she could do so without hurting him too much. 

Although it was not traditional for the father to be allowed in the birthing hut, a (reluctant) exception had been made for Inuyasha. Kagome recalled the earlier scene in an effort to distract herself from the building pain.

“Kaede!” Inuyasha called out as he burst through the entrance of Kaede’s hut, carrying Kagome in his arms. 

Kaede made a sound of annoyance as she finished making her tea, her back turned towards the couple. Her lack of surprise suggested that she had sensed the half-demon’s aura approaching. “What are ye making such a fuss about, Inuyasha?”

“Kaede, the baby’s coming!” Kagome said through labored breaths. Kaede finally turned around to see Kagome in Inuyasha’s arms, one hand on her swollen belly and her face screwed up in pain. Her face softened as she realized the reason for the sudden intrusion.

“Ah, yes. Good, good,” Kaede said calmly and set her tea down to begin preparing the futon for Kagome to lay on. 

She moved slowly in her old age, and after a few minutes when Kagome cried out again, Inuyasha growled and snapped, “Would ya move it along? Kagome needs somewhere to lay down right fucking now!”

Kaede shot him a one-eyed glare as she finished placing the last pillow. She gestured to the futon, indicating that it was ready for Kagome to lay down on.

Inuyasha lay Kagome down on the futon ever so gently, making sure she was as comfortable as possible given the circumstances. Once he was sure she was taken care of, he settled onto the floor himself, sitting cross-legged by her side.

“What do ye think you’re doing?” Kaede asked as she grabbed a clean birthing robe and water bucket from a storage chest in the corner. “Fathers are not allowed in the birthing hut, Inuyasha. It is time for ye to leave.”

Inuyasha cracked his knuckles in response, holding up his claws menacingly. “You gonna make me, old hag? There’s no way in hell I’m leaving Kagome right now!”

Kaede’s tolerance for Inuyasha’s rudeness was already running thin. “How dare ye threaten me in my own home! It is bad luck for the father to - “

She was cut off by Kagome, who had just finished breathing through her latest contraction. “Kaede, please, I want him to stay. I need him here with me.”

Kaede considered her request, ultimately deciding it would be less hassle for her to just allow the exception. She nodded slightly before turning away and sighing, preparing herself for a long night ahead with a stressed and overprotective Inuyasha.

Kagome looked up at Inuyasha, who smiled slightly, seemingly relieved that she wanted him to stay. She reached out and took his hand, intertwining their fingers. She returned his smile with a warm one of her own, before abruptly dropping it and replacing it with a glare.

“I want you here with me, but if you are rude to Kaede one more time, I will not hesitate to kick you out. Now apologize!” She gave him a look that made his ears flatten against his head. 

“Fine, whatever. Sorry, Kaede,” he grumbled almost inaudibly. Kagome rolled her eyes at his immaturity, but was still thankful that he would be by her side as they welcomed their child into the world.

Kagome was brought back to the present as her contraction peaked. Her muscles tensed impossibly harder, causing her to let out a cry of agony and squeeze her eyes shut. This was the worst and longest one so far. It was so intense that all rational thought was wiped from her mind as her vision went momentarily white. Unable to comprehend anything beyond her overwhelming desire for the pain to stop, she squeezed Inuyasha’s hand with a force that probably would have broken a regular human’s hand. 

She did her best to try and breathe deeply until her body mercifully began to grant her relief. Chest heaving and limbs shaking, she savored the brief respite, knowing that she didn’t have much time to prepare for the next contraction. They were only a minute or two apart now, and she instinctively knew that their baby was very close to making its arrival.

She felt the comforting coolness of a damp cloth dab the sweat from her forehead, and looked gratefully to her left where Sango knelt beside her. Sango gave her an empathetic, encouraging smile. She had happily volunteered to assist Kagome with the birth of her child, both as an excited aunt-to-be, and as part of her midwife training. 

Kaede’s strength continued to wane in her old age, and Rin had decided to spend some time traveling with Sesshomaru again to see if she still preferred that lifestyle over living with other humans. Not wanting to risk leaving the village without a midwife, Kaede had asked Sango and Kagome if they would be willing to undergo training so they could assist with births if the need arose. Although Sango was incredibly busy with her ever-growing family and occasional demon slaying whenever she got the chance, she jumped at the opportunity to give back to the village that she had made her home for the last seven years. As a mother of five children of her own, she had plenty of experience and advice to offer new moms.

Sango put a comforting hand on Kagome’s shoulder, remembering the excruciating pain of childbirth all too well. “You’re doing great, Kagome. Let me check on your progress.” She moved down between Kagome’s legs to determine how much farther she had to go. Kaede had taught her several methods of determining the baby’s position at any given point during labor. She hoped, for Kagome’s sake, that she was nearing the end.

“Good news, Kagome, you’re almost there! When the next contraction comes, you can start pushing,” Sango said, moving back to Kagome’s side down by her feet.

Kagome nodded slightly, closing her eyes and taking a few more deep breaths to try and prepare herself. Her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking, and a layer of sweat coated her entire body. She had never experienced so much pain, not from any of the injuries she had sustained during their countless battles. Even having the Shikon jewel torn out of her body was nothing compared to this. She had to keep fighting down waves of nausea as the contractions had become more and more agonizing.

She was already exhausted, already past her limit of pain tolerance, and the thought of pushing sent her into a panic. How much worse is this going to get? What if I can’t do this? What if the pain kills me? Maybe I wasn’t ready to be a mother! I’m not strong enough…

Terrifying cynical thoughts raced through her mind as her heart pounded against her ribcage, her breaths becoming more shallow.

“I’m scared,” she admitted quietly, to no one in particular. She kept her eyes closed, feeling weak and ashamed. She had been looking forward to being a mother for so long, so why was she suddenly so afraid? 

“I don’t think I can do this,” she whispered, her voice breaking. A few tears slipped out from under her shut eyelids and rolled down her flushed cheeks. She felt like she was on the brink of a complete breakdown.

“Yes you can. What you’re feeling right now is perfectly normal, Kagome,” Sango said soothingly. 

Kagome slowly opened her eyes at the sound of her friend’s voice.

 “Every mother feels the same way at this point, I promise. This last part isn’t going to be easy, but it doesn’t last too long, and then it will all be over and you’ll be holding your baby in your arms. When you look into their eyes for the first time, you’ll forget all about everything else, trust me.”

Kagome smiled down at her, thankful for the reassurance from someone who had been through this before. She then looked up to her husband who was still holding her hand and sitting cross-legged at her side. Her gaze was met with golden eyes full of concern.

Inuyasha was overwhelmed. There were so many sounds, so many smells, so many emotions. He had done his best to try and prepare himself for this day, but he had to admit that he was in over his head. It was killing him to see Kagome in so much agony, especially when there was nothing he could do about it. His instincts to protect her flooded through him with every cry of pain she let out, followed by the frustration of not being able to help. It was driving him crazy that all he could do was hold her hand and offer her words of encouragement every so often. 

He had kept relatively quiet since his earlier threat to Kaede, afraid of saying the wrong thing and upsetting Kagome. He was completely out of his element, having never witnessed a birth before. He had no idea what to do or say, or what was considered normal. All he knew was that he wanted to be by his wife’s side, and that she wanted him there as well. Now, as she looked into his eyes after voicing her fear, he knew he had to be strong for her. 

“You can do this, Kagome!” he said fervently. Hearing her say she didn’t think she could do it had made him want to scoff and call her an idiot, but he figured that wouldn’t be very helpful and might even earn him a ‘sit’ command in her current state. The idea of her not being able to do this was ludicrous to him. He had been watching her in awe all day, amazed by her strength and resilience. Since they first met, she had always been a fighter, never backing down or giving up when faced with a challenge. It was one of the many things he loved about her. 

He brought his free hand up to her cheek to gently wipe some of her tears and sweat away, letting his fingers linger on her face for a moment. 

“You’re so strong, you always have been,” he said, bringing his hand back down to grip hers between both of his own. He stared deeply into her wide brown eyes, trying to wordlessly communicate the neverending love and respect he had for her. “And I’m right here beside you.”

Kagome could feel her panic melting away at his words and the look in his eyes. She smiled a little at him before looking forward with a newly determined look on her face. That’s right, Inuyasha is with me. I can do anything with him by my side.

She felt the pain building again, but it was different from before. Somehow sharper and duller at the same time. She knew this was the final stretch she had to get through to meet their little one, so she gathered all the strength and courage she had left. 

The pain of pushing was almost unbearable, but she did her best to remain focused on the steady pressure of Inuyasha’s hand and the guidance given by Kaede and Sango. She felt every sensation in her body, her instincts kicking in to guide her through the final stage of delivery.

Over forty excruciating minutes later, a cry finally rang through the cabin, alerting all those in the area to the arrival of a new life. Kagome breathed a huge sigh of relief and fell back against the pillows. Kaede caught the crying baby and carried it over to the water basin to be bathed. Sango cut the cord and helped clean Kagome up enough so that she could comfortably lay her legs flat again. 

Kagome lay exhausted, trying to catch her breath and calm her racing heart. The cries of her baby echoed through the cabin, filling her with a euphoric pride. She had loved their child from the moment she knew of their existence. It felt like so long ago that she first found out she was pregnant. She could still remember the rush of pure joy she felt at the news. Finally, after so much wondering and planning and waiting, she was about to meet the one she already adored more than anything in the world. 

After giving her a few moments to catch her breath, Inuyasha helped support Kagome as Sango stuffed a couple pillows under her back so that she could sit up more. Once she was sure of Kagome’s comfort, Sango got to her feet and said, “I’m going to give you some privacy. You did so well Kagome.” She smiled warmly down at her friend, and then shifted her gaze to Inuyasha. “I couldn’t be happier for the two of you.” Both returned her smile, and Kagome reached out to take Sango’s hand.

“Thank you so much for everything, Sango. It really helped to have you here.”

Sango squeezed her hand. “Anything for my dearest friend. We’ll all come visit in the morning once you’ve had some time to rest.” She released Kagome’s hand and walked out of the hut to give a full report to Miroku and Shippo, who were waiting at home with her own children. 

As Sango walked out of the entryway, Kagome lifted her head up to anxiously look around for her baby, who was no longer crying. Her eyes found Kaede, who was wrapping the newborn loosely in a blanket. Her heart fluttered with nervous anticipation as Kaede slowly made her way over to her and Inuyasha, carrying their new addition in her arms.

“Congratulations Kagome and Inuyasha, it is time to meet your daughter,” she said with a smile. 

At the word ‘daughter,’ Inuyasha and Kagome’s eyes met, both of their mouths dropping open slightly. Their daughter. 

Kaede handed the tiny bundle off to Kagome, who reached out instinctively. As soon as the child was securely in Kagome’s arms, Kaede made her way outside to let them have their first moments as a family in private. 

A peaceful silence settled over the hut as Kagome held their baby close to her chest and stared in awe. Inuyasha moved closer to her, draping an arm over her shoulders. Kagome was overcome with emotion, an overwhelming feeling of love and warmth taking over every ounce of her being. She was still exhausted and in pain, and somewhere in her brain there was a terrifying, nagging reminder that she was now responsible for protecting this tiny being, but it all felt like dull background noise compared to the warmth that emanated from her chest as she marveled in the presence of her daughter.

“Inuyasha...she’s....” she trailed off quietly, unable to quite find the words. 

“...Perfect.” Inuyasha finished for her in a dazed tone. He couldn’t stop staring at the face of the life they had created. He had pictured the arrival of their baby many times in the months since they found out they were expecting, but he could never have imagined what he was feeling now. It was surreal and overwhelming to finally come face-to-face with the child who had only been an abstract concept in his mind until a few minutes ago.

He had struggled with the idea of becoming a father. Despite his excitement to start a family with the person he loved most in this world, he had trouble imagining himself in that role. Questions such as What if I ruin our kid’s life? What if something happens to them? Or to Kagome? How am I supposed to know what to do with a baby? had kept him awake countless nights over the last several months. Not to mention how much time he had spent worrying over Kagome. He’d had a hard time leaving her alone for more than five minutes during her entire pregnancy, constantly afraid that something could happen to her or the baby.

It was the worst on his human nights, the negative thoughts hijacking his mind and taking hold until he could think of little else. What if something attacks us when I’m in my human form and I can’t protect them? What if I’m not a good enough father and Kagome resents me? What if our kid grows up facing the same kind of discrimination I did for being part demon and part human? The questions became impossible to ignore on those nights, a couple times bubbling up to the point where his heart raced and his breath became shallow. He usually tried his best to hide his fears from Kagome, not wanting to cause her any extra stress, but those few times, it was too hard to pretend nothing was wrong. 

Kagome would try to comfort him. She would whisper reassurances into his ears. That she loved him and believed in him. That their child would be well cared for no matter what. That he would be an amazing father. She would look at him with such love and trust and warmth that he was almost able to believe that he was the person she saw him as. But it was hard to forget a lifetime of being told he was worthless, an abomination. It was hard to forget all of the awful things he had said and done in his past. How could he ever be a role model to a child? What if he had doomed them to the same lonely life of an outcast that he had?

Witnessing Kagome’s excitement to be a mother was the only thing that kept him from drowning in his anxiety. Although he didn’t know if he was cut out to be a father, he was positive that Kagome was meant to be a mother. She had always been the caring and nurturing type, and the joy she had to finally fill the role of a mother had radiated from her throughout her entire pregnancy. 

Whenever Inuyasha felt overwhelmed with doubts, he would just watch his wife tenderly rest her hands on her rounded belly, or listen to her hum lullabies to their unborn baby. In those moments, he knew that at least their child would have Kagome as their mother, and that even if he fell short, she would always be there to provide them with the care and support they needed. He vowed to match her as best as he could, all the while feeling terrified of letting her down.

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed that Kagome was looking at him. She seemed to sense his inner turmoil and asked, “Do you want to hold her?” with a sweet smile.

“Uh..” Inuyasha responded stupidly, but Kagome had already extended their child towards him. 

“Just remember to support her head and you’ll be fine.”

Inuyasha took the tiny bundle ever so carefully, as if she might shatter into a thousand pieces at his touch. He slowly adjusted her position so that her head rested in the crook of his elbow and she was fully supported by his arm. He stared at her for a long minute, still unable to make sense of everything he was feeling. How could he have helped create such an incredible little human? How could he ever be a good enough father to her? She was so tiny and fragile, what if he hurt her by accident? Protecting Kagome was already stressful, but at least he knew she could handle herself in a battle. How in the world was he supposed to protect someone so small defenseless? He tried not to think about all the dangers of the world around them.

To distract from his racing thoughts, he focused on cataloging everything about her. The little tuft of jet black hair on the top of her head, her barely open chocolate brown eyes that looked so like Kagome’s, her tiny nose and mouth. Although she hadn’t inherited his eye or hair color, or his dog ears, the shape of her features still resembled his own. She was truly a perfect blend of the two of them. He inhaled and memorized her scent. It was similar to Kagome’s, with hints of his own scent, but distinct in its own way. 

Inuyasha cautiously extended one finger from his free hand to gently stroke her cheek, being mindful of his claws. Her skin was softer than the finest silk. He had never felt anything quite like it. He moved to pull away, feeling unworthy to touch her with his rough, calloused hands. At the same time, a chubby fist escaped the confines of the blanket surrounding it and waved blindly through the air. Tiny fingers found his retreating hand, and instinctively wrapped around his outstretched pointer finger. 

With a sharp intake of breath Inuyasha froze, suddenly hit with a surge of emotion so strong he could hardly breathe. His daughter gurgled and looked up at him, gripping his finger with surprising strength for a newborn. A soothing warmth began to spread from the point of contact throughout his whole body, almost reminding him of the sensation of being purified by Kagome’s spiritual powers. But this was something else, something deeper and more profound. 

Something shifted deep within himself as he felt her tiny fingers grip his own. Every priority, every feeling, every want and need he had ever had was rearranging, placing his daughter at the center of it all. The moment that she had touched him, he was forever changed. His rough edges softened just a bit, his heart grew a little larger. The world and his place in it made a little more sense. All of the doubts and insecurities he had about being a father faded to the background. He knew now that he would do absolutely anything for the little girl in his arms. 

A type of love he never knew existed rushed through him, seeping into every last crevice of his soul. It was all-consuming and indescribable. He felt as if he was staring into the sun itself, her radiant light giving him warmth and life in ways he hadn’t known he needed. All of the pain he had gone through in his life now felt worth it to be able to experience this moment. He would do it a thousand times over again as long as he got to meet her. He had known for a long time that he was born to be with Kagome, but now he knew he was born to meet his daughter as well. 

He let out the smallest of laughs, breathy and awestruck. After several more moments, he finally managed to tear his eyes away from her to look up at Kagome, who had been watching the heartwarming scene unfold. His mouth still hung agape, and as his eyes met Kagome’s, he felt a single tear roll down his cheek. The sensation surprised him, having never shed tears of joy before.  He hadn’t even noticed the wetness building in his eyes. As he looked at his wife, he noticed that tears were silently falling down her cheeks as well, though she wore a beaming smile. 

The familiar sight of Kagome’s smile made his heart swell with even more warmth. It hardly felt real that, after all the heartache and loneliness that he had endured in his life, he was here looking into the eyes of his wife and holding his daughter in his arms. He wanted to tell her how much he loves her, how thankful he was to be able to share this moment with her. He wished he had the words to explain what it meant to him to have a family of his own.

“Kagome...” he said quietly, trying to think of something else to say. How could he ever put into words everything he had just felt?

“Inuyasha,” Kagome responded warmly in a way that told him no words were needed. They had always had a quiet understanding between them, their love for each other much deeper than words could ever hope to describe. It was something he was eternally grateful for. With a smile, Kagome reached out to cover her husband and daughter’s joined hands with her own.

Her eyes drifted back down to their beloved child, and after a few moments of contemplation she asked, “Moroha?”

Inuyasha wasn’t sure where she got the name, but it didn’t matter to him. It fit her perfectly.

“Moroha,” he repeated, confirming her name.

Inuyasha rested his forehead against Kagome’s as they continued to gaze down at their daughter. He knew his fears hadn’t disappeared completely, but there would be time to worry later. For now, he simply let himself bask in the glowing happiness of this perfect moment with his family.

----------------------

A/N (sorry it’s so long)

Hope you enjoyed the feels! I’ve been working on this for a while now, so I’m really excited to finally post it! I had originally wanted to post it before the premiere of Yashahime, but I kept nitpicking and editing it over and over. Plus I decided to add the drawing which took me forever. I also went all out and made the banner and everything, which I’m not sure if people usually do for oneshots but oh well!

This all started with me imagining that one moment of a newborn Moroha grabbing Inuyasha’s finger, and that being the moment that moved him and changed him forever. I could see him being really nervous and unsure about becoming a father, but I liked the idea of her touch causing a shift in him and basically turning him into a puddle of mush. I hope it isn’t too OOC for Inuyasha to cry at this moment, but I thought if anything would have the power to make him shed tears of joy then this would be it. Plus I saw it as kind of an involuntary bodily reaction to all of the emotion he experienced.

I tried to throw in some of Kagome’s POV, but I mostly wanted to explore Inuyasha’s conflicted thoughts and feelings about becoming a father. I hope the descriptions of pain/birth weren’t too much. I have never gone through childbirth, but it sounds ridiculously painful and terrifying so I was probably projecting a bit haha. Kagome is a badass for dealing with all of that with no drugs! 

I tried to look up real stories of how people felt when they saw their baby for the first time. There were a lot of mixed reactions, with a lot of people saying they just felt really scared or didn’t have a strong emotional reaction. This is a fic so of course I wanted it to be emotional and happy, but I tried to mix in some of the fear they must have felt also.

I didn’t want it to seem like Kagome’s strength only came from Inuyasha being there with her, but from what I read about active labor, the pain at that point can be extremely mentally and physically taxing, so I wanted her to have a moment of weakness where she felt like she wasn’t strong enough. And I always loved that Kagome and Inuyasha draw strength from each other in different ways. So I felt like she would have been able to tap into that from having him by her side.

Also, in regards to Sango and Miroku having 5 children, I find it hard to believe that they would have stopped at 3 considering how much Miroku talked about wanting to have 10 + kids lol. So that was just a little canon divergence I threw in there. This takes place about 4 years after Kagome returns to the feudal era for good. 

Anyways, I could ramble forever and over explain everything as I tend to do, but I wanted to get this out there before we see baby Moroha in Yashahime this week. I’m so excited!

[waitingat-thefrontgate]

Hell Was The Journey

Summary: Max and Spencer's almost meet...two times before they do

Word Count: 1769

Authors Note: I love Max. I love Spencer and Max's relationship. I also LOVE Taylor Swift, so when I was listening to invisible string I couldn't help but wonder how that'd be a cute Maxcer fic. So here I am! I made a separate account to post this. I hope you enjoy!

p.s this isn't probably the first fic inspired by that song, but I am pretty sure it is the first Maxer one. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

4x8

Max let out a deep sigh as she checked her watch. She had an hour before she had to head to her student teaching placement, an hour she wouldn’t have if her professor didn’t end class early.

“Come on Max, let’s act like college students and do something on campus” her classmate Leah said.

Before Max could respond, Leah had already pulled Max off to a direction.

“You know we could be lesson planning. Or even better, go somewhere to eat!” Max grumbled as she would have preferred to spend the hour decompressing her teaching credential program’s tough schedule. Although she looked forward to seeing her students and loved being able to share the passion of art with others, Max still couldn’t help but wonder if this was what she was supposed to do with her life. She followed her mom’s advice about pursuing something she loved, but an art history degree unfortunately isn’t getting her job interviews.

Ignoring her, Leah stopped at a bulletin board that listed all the current events that were going on campus. “Max! They are holding an FBI recruitment seminar in a few minutes, we should go!”

“I don’t think the FBI will be impressed with my 5’2 stature and art history degree” Max snorts and shakes her head. “Besides, we are pretty knee deep in another career path.”

“I know that, but who knows who we’ll meet. Maybe some cute guys are interested, or better yet, maybe there’s some hot FBI agents here already. Let’s go!!” Without giving Max the second to respond, Leah at pulled her off to the direction of the building the FBI seminar was held.

They arrived a few minutes before it started. The presenter was an older man, who seemed to be already chatting with another attendee, who seemed to be dressed to impress wearing a suit and tie. It wasn’t until the younger man turned around that his holstered weapon was visible.

“What have I been doing wrong if he’s in the FBI. He looks about our age” Leah whispered.

Before Max could respond, her phone starting buzzing. Leah sent Max death glares as she picked up the phone, her brother-in-law Jared doesn’t call her unless it’s important.

“Hello?”

“Michelle’s in labor! We’re on our way to the hospital now. Meet us when you can!” Jared hung up right after his last words, probably calling the rest of the family.

After a few seconds of shock and the reality that her sister was going to be a mother, and Max would be an aunt registered, Max gathered her things right as the presenters started introducing themselves.

“Hello, good afternoon my name is David Rossi and I hav-“Leah looked at Max waiting for an answer as to why she was just leaving so quick.

“Sorry I’ll call you later” Max whispered, “let me know how it goes!” She slides out the door and starts running towards her car, knowing she will be meeting her niece or nephew very soon

10x9

Max couldn’t believe the news about her friend Jessica. Although her and Jessica haven’t been close ever since she went behind Max’s back and dated Mike Davis a week after they broke up, she was still horrified and saddened by the details of her death. Max knew that Jessica wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but she was a business owner, and her responses were always out of fear and stress about making ends meet.

She had already been in contact with other mutual friends she shared with Jessica, and she began scrolling through old pictures she had.

Max thought for a very long time that Mike Davis was going to be the man she’d marry. After a tough time getting a steady teaching job and losing her mother, Max so desperately wanted something she could say was hers. This led to her moving quickly with Mike and missing (and ignoring) the clear red flags. Even after the cheating and lying, Max was willing to forgive Mike. No matter how many times they broke up, Max always hoped for the day Mike would just pick her, and only her.

Feeling guilty about practically ending her friendship over a guy like that, Max sighed as she grabbed her keys to head to work. That’s when she jumped over her phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Maxine Brenner?” a deep voice asked.

“Yes, yes this is her. May I ask who I’m speaking with?”

“My name is Aaron Hotchner, I work with the FBI and I’m calling to ask you questions about your friend, Jessica Harris. She had you listed as an emergency contact.”

Max’s heart stopped. She didn’t know. “Yes, yes of course. We haven’t been in contact as much, but I want to help however I can.”

“Would you be able to stop by our office this morning?”

Max bit her lip. She had already used all personal and sick days, and her current principal was everything but understanding. “I’m on my way to work right now, and unfortunately won’t have time until this afternoon.”

“I understand. Give me a second and I’ll connect you with another agent who can talk to you on the phone, and they’ll see if you should come down again this afternoon.” At the bureau, Aaron looks out his office window. He sees Spencer looking at the board of the case with the pictures of the victims and their location.

Aaron steps out of his office, enough for Spencer to hear him, “Hey Reid, I have a contact that knows Jessica on the phone right now, can you ask her some questions?”

Spencer doesn’t turn around. “I can’t right at this moment, I’m still putting together information about our other victim”

Aaron scans the room and noticed Anderson without a task. “Anderson! I’m gonna patch you with someone who knew one of our victims. If anything seems worthy have her come down this afternoon.”

Max twiddled her thumb until finally she hears another voice, “Hello, my name is Agent Anderson and I’ll be asking you a few questions about Jessica.”

During her entire commute, Max answered questions about Jessica truthfully. She winced when she realized she didn’t have many good things to say about her. Agent Anderson thanked her, and as of right now he doesn’t see a need for her to come down. Max thanked him and grabbed her things and walked towards her school. She knew her students would be able to make her smile.

15x4

It was Saturday morning and Max smiled as her nephew talked about school over breakfast. Her nephew was almost as tall as she was, but she still remembers how small he was when she first held him all those years.

She finally felt like she was in a good place. After many years of struggling silently Max got the strength to go to therapy and take the time and energy to truly heal. It was hard, she always found pride in her independence and her high walls. The decision to go wasn’t easy, but when she realized how much it was affecting her relationship with Sammy, she knew she had to go. For the first time, she talked about her childhood and the pressure of growing behind her sister Michelle’s shadow, losing her mother and her toxic, fast paced and short lived relationships.

For almost two years, she had been applying the advice her therapist had gave her. She took care of herself, began putting effort in her relationships with her family, especially Michelle, and instead of ignoring the topic of her mother, she talked and remembered her fondly. She even got in touch with a headhunter, considering maybe it was time to leave teaching and find something that was meant for her. The other day she even thought about asking her brother-in-law if any of his coworkers were single, but she didn’t because she still wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

“Max, can we get cinnamon rolls at the coffee shop we always go with my mom?” Sammy looked up with big puppy dogs eyes.

“Sammy, we just finished eating. You sure you have room?” Max raised her eyebrow as she paid the bill.

Sammy thought for a minute, “I actually don’t know. But the park is right there so we can always go there for a bit.”

“Mhhh,” Max thought for a minute herself. She looked out and saw that it was a beautiful day in D.C and she would appreciate more time with her nephew, “Alright, let’s swing by the park!”

When they got there, the parking was full. She did a few laps, and she was ready to give up, “Sammy, I don’t think it’s possible we’re gonna have to try again another time.” Max turned her blinker to turn on the road again to drop Sammy off at his house.

“Awe come on Max! It’ll be quick I promise!” Sammy gave his best puppy eyes and Max knew who would get their way.

She turned her car around and parked on a no parking area and turned to Sammy. “We have to be SO quick.”

Sometime past season 15

Max looked out the window of her dad’s house as she plans the summer programs for the Smithsonian. Spencer was teaching Sammy a new magic trick as the rest of her family preps dinner outside. It had been almost two years since that Saturday at the park. Something that wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t make that spur of a moment decision.

Spencer and Max had already realized the two times their paths would have crossed. It was more decisions that delayed their meeting, but they both agreed that they were supposed to meet on that Saturday. They had to go through things, change, hurt and grow to be the person they were today. The person that was right for the other.

Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.

Max put her things away. There was something that connected her with Spencer, and today, she thanked that thing a little more. She reached her bag that had a positive pregnancy test. Holding it close to her heart, she thought back of all the things that had happened, and she would do it again to be with Spencer and grow their family.

Spencer saw Max walking down to join them, he grins and thinks to himself he will never get over seeing her. He still feels like that Saturday night when he found her again after waiting in the hospital.

“Took you long enough” Spencer says as he laugh

[petitelepus]

YO, NO FREAKING WAY. MY AUNT AND MY COUSINS LIVE HELSINKI AND RIGHT NOW, IM IN MALMO, SWEDEN VISITING THE REST OF MY MOM’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY AND LIKE

I HEARD THAT NEXT YEAR, WHEN I RETURN TO MALMO FOR THE SUMMER WE MIGHT TAKE A CRUISE TO HELSINKI.

we gotta drive like almost 7hrs to stockholm and we take a cruise to Turku and then we continue driving to helsinki

also

DONT TATTOOS LIKE HURT?? LIKE U’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THE PAIN?? but what is ur tattoo gonna be?

YOOOOOOOO!!!!

UNREAL!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU FROM, IT COULD BE COOL TO MEET SOMEDAY IN HELSINKI????

7 hours is a LONG time in the car for any of my family members, but I am such a lazy ass that I don't mind sitting and just staring into the distance.

The chances are that if I don't speak and just stare, I might be going through a story idea as if it was a movie in my head.

DUDETTE, THEY DO, TATTOOS HURT, it feels to me like someone is taking a scalpel and cutting through my skin, BUT!

I'm a MASOCHIST and a SADIST!

Here are pictures of my current tattoos under the cut!

There is Lily Of The Valley which was my first, last year in January. This flower is my birth flower and Finland's National Flower. I swear, they look much better in real life.

My second was this blue triangle from "Detroit: Become Human" video game I loved and wrote about. I chose the triangle that connected all the Androids in the game and if people ask me what it symbolizes I tell them "It's this one symbol in this game I like. It says how I am alive."

The tattoo was in a sensitive place just above the spine so some parts that she tattooed hurt like HELL and I laid there at least 2-3 hours and sometimes I felt like fainting, but I stayed strong. Worth it.

Again, it looks better in real life. I am SUPER happy with my tattoo artist because I went there expecting to get just a PLAIN blue triangle, but the artist actually took the time to watch some gameplay of the game and they chose to use different shades of blue and white and I walked out happily. I love this tattoo so much.

The fourth tattoo that I took about two months ago during Spring, I chose this lovely Japanese Chrysanthemum. I like to honor my lil sister's kids with it, even if their son is already 5 and the daughter turns 4 in December.

AGAIN, IT LOOKS BETTER IN REAL LIFE, I SUCK AT TAKING PHOTOS OF MY BACK.

AND THE TATTOO THAT I AM GOING TO GET NOW IS ACTUALLY A COVER TATTOO.

There is a story behind this tattoo. My lil sis takes tattoos like candy, but they all describe her and her interests and there is always a meaning behind the tattoos she takes.

I wanted to be bold like her so I got this Dead By Daylight Huntress' Cat Mask tattoo that I li, but now I have grown to despise it. Do I regret taking it? A little. I love cats, I have mine living at my parents' place, but the mask has been bothering me for quite some time now.

We are going to meet once we both have time at the beginning of August and talk about colors and placement and take measurements, but I am super happy and excited to get this Japanese Peony.

We are going to tattoo it at the end of August and it's going to take about 4 HOURS. OOH BOY! I can't wait for how painful it's going to be!

Thank you for asking again, these little things make me SO HAPPY!