#also i couldn't figure out how to end this //whoops sorry

[purplesannnieee]

Lay All Your Love On Me

A/n: Currently, I'm caught up on all the ep in tdb, though I still haven't got Jiro's personality, so I heavily apologize if I do him wrong @sunncat! This literally doesn't help either bc I haven't watched Demon Slayer, so I don't fully know Shinobu other than some vids I watched from Tik Tok 💀. I hope you enjoy this though! And I really do apologize for when you read this, it isn't how you thought it would go TT (I also apologize the fact that it's a bit rushed(?)), 1.4k words, somewhat grammar checked, or technically partially proof read? goodnight cheese

summary: as a second year at darkwick academy, you used to be under vagastrom before transferring to mortkranken for unknown reasons. while yuri's glad that it isn't just him and jiro who are ghouls, jiro's rather curious to why specifically mortkranken. warnings: mentions of death, erm, fem!reader that's similar to shinobu kocho, shawty, I don't know shit about anything medical, so to whomever reads this that is way more of an expert in this, I'm so sorry, if I potentially make you pissed in any way, mentions of self-harm(through poison), reader makes jiro's heart go boom boom boom boom boom (i hope someone gets what i'm referring to), oh, and vague ahh mention of alan, I think jiro might be a lil bit ooc, yeah, he is, mf be peeking a lil bit, but more out of admiration than erm, nasty boy thought reasons, oh fuck, this is a bit angsty, whoops, poor yuri's a bit traumatized

Life always managed to piss you off. You used to express it too, though not anymore really. You truly did enjoy your stay at Vagastrom, however, you had your reasons as to why you transferred to Mortkranken. Despite the captain hoping you would open up, you wouldn't budge. This was something you would rather keep to yourself. Well, if only that stupid Masterpiece News, whoever it was, decided to leak about your sister dying from the Clash. Despite wanting to murder whoever did it, you figured that would be for another time. For now, you were more focused on finding a way to kill the bastard that killed your sister in the first place.

Before you knew it, class had ended. Admittedly, despite being in the same year as both Yuri and Jiro, you didn't always share the same classes with them. Well, it's not like you could do much about that. You did have different goals from them after all. Granted, while you had the same effort and energy for yours just like Yuri's, you considered it more noble than yours. And for the most part, he didn't seem to care much about it.

Well, maybe not upfront. However, instead, Jiro would ask you as the two of you would sometimes walk to class from Mortkranken's dormitory. "Y/n, Yuri wants to see us," Jiro said, as you looked up to the taller male. You were inclined to not smile, but you simply nodded your head. "Where at?" You asked cheerfully, as you passed by some people. Some of them, whisper, confused as to how you could manage to be in the presence of "Frankenstein". Especially with some of your former house members, which you couldn't help but scoff. For a bunch of delinquents, were they seriously that scared of a rumor? Not that you remembered much of the clash, considering before it happened, you were cursed to fall asleep, the "Sleeping Beauty" curse as they called it, and while you weren't sure if you were actually kissed, nobody would talk about it, just that you were cured from it.

You even tried to get Yuri to tell you how you got cured, yet for someone who brags, he quite literally shut up about it. ". . . y/n?" Jiro asked as you snapped out of your thoughts. You hadn't realized how close the taller male was to your face until now, trying not to react much, before letting out a laugh. "Ah, sorry about that. Just some thinking," you mused, looking up at him. "Mind repeating where at again?" You asked as the taller male looked at you, before shrugging, "Back at the dormitory," he said, as you let out a "huh".

As the two of you were walking, Jiro looked at you, though you didn't pay attention much to it. While he wasn't as curious, he did recall Yuri wanting him to ask you your reasons as to why you switched to Mortkranken specifically. Granted, you were as great when it came to researching as your strength, which sometimes Yuri would ask you to help Jiro out; though that was for whenever there was an anomaly that needed to be captured. It was quite simple. Whenever there was a strong anomaly, you would infect it with poison through your katana, while Jiro would use his chainsaw.

Before you knew it, the two of you arrived at the dormitory, as you entered inside first. Looking around, you felt confused, noticing that Yuri wasn't there. "Is Yuri perhaps downstairs?" You asked as you turned around to look at Jiro. The taller man shrugged, before speaking. "No, he's still in class," he said blatantly, your eyes confused, though you still decided to politely smile at him. "So you lied to me…huh, I would've never expected that from you," you said, as you took a seat. You had to admit, that while you didn't know Jiro fully well, you were comfortable with him. Probably a bit more compared to Yuri, though you understood that Yuri had good intentions, even if he were well…prideful and arrogant.

Probably a bit more compared to Yuri, though you understood that Yuri had good intentions, even if he were well…prideful and arrogant. You watched Jiro as he looked at you, before nodding. "Yes," he said, as the corner of your smile twitched. How annoying. "What made you decide to do that?" Your question made him glance at you temporarily, as he grabbed a few tools. "Simple, I'm doing a health inspection. Yuri said it's been long overdue," he said, as you frowned, before sighing, as you decided not to fight over it.

You watched Jiro as he looked at you, before nodding. "Yes," he said, as the corner of your smile twitched. How annoying. "What made you decide to do that?" Your question made him glance at you temporarily, as he grabbed a few tools. "Simple, I'm doing a health inspection. Yuri said it's been long overdue," he said, as you frowned, before sighing, as you decided not to fight over it. "Ha ha ha ha! You're acting like a cat now," he laughed, as your eye slightly twitched. A cat? The thought of you being compared to a cat made you feel a bit more irritated, still trying to keep ahold of your emotions. "I'm not so sure about that," you let out a laugh, trying not to look affected. Jiro didn't say much, though he simply smiled, before stopping for a moment. "Ah, that reminds me. Could you change real quick?" He asked as you were close to snapping. Instead, you gave him a smile, agreeing, before waiting until he turned around before you turned around as well, changing out of your uniform.

While you were preoccupied with changing, Jiro wasn't the type to really peak. And yet, he was curious as to your body. Well, he supposed that thought would occur since he was the one that woke you up from the curse. Slowly, he glanced, admiring your body. It was rather smooth compared to his, though to be fair, you seemed like the type to take care of yourself. And yet, you seemed a bit more frail than when he first met you. Your personality truly did have changed from the past two years the more that he thought of it.

Noticing you were almost done changing, he looked away, curious as to why out of all houses to transfer to, why Mortkranken? "Alright, let's get this over with," you said, as you watched him take out a few tools. He took out a stethoscope, checking your heart rate. "Heart rate, 80 bpm," he noted, before grabbing a pressure gauge. He placed it inside your arm, checking it. "Blood pressure, 89/59," he said to himself, noting that as well. Before you knew it, he did a few things, before finishing, as he placed the tools away.

"Have you been consuming Foxglove?" For once since being in Mortkranken, a shocked gaze appeared in your eyes, gazing in his red eyes. You were confused at first before it finally connected. "Is this why you wanted to do a health check on me?" You asked, dropping your smile. You had to admit, you hadn't expected for Jiro to figure it out. Though then again, his knowledge was in some ways greater than yours; which didn't surprise you as much. "So you did," he stared at you, before frowning. "There isn't any reason for you to. Seems like at least you took small pieces, but it's affecting your health," he said, as the corner of your lips turned down.

"That's none of your fucking business," you said, before hearing Jiro beginning to laugh. The fact that he laughed was both confusing, infuriating, and yet beautiful, actually, you were going to stop yourself from there. "I missed that bluntness," Jiro said, managing to calm himself, as he smiled at you. Before you knew it, you could feel your face turn red, scoffing. "Shut up! You're being awfully weird now," you turned your face away from him. You didn't like how you could feel your heart beating fast, as you could feel cold hands on your face, before gently looking back now at Jiro.

While you wouldn't admit it, if you were asked who out of all the students at Darkwick was pretty, Jiro would honestly be the only one you would think of. "Y/n, I may not know why you're deciding to poison yourself. But, whatever problems you're facing, please, don't. In fact, lay all your love on me," he said, as you could feel his face closer to yours. ". . . May I kiss you?" He asked, before being toppled down on the ground, as you kissed him. You let go for a moment, looking at him. "I'll be Frankenstein's girlfriend," you said before the two of you kissed. Unfortunately, neither of you heard Yuri's steps. "The two of you! Go kiss somewhere else!" He screamed, a bit horrified, as the two of you stopped to look at him, before laughing, leaving the captain more frustrated, as the two of you eventually went to your room. Unfortunately, both of you had to go back for Jiro's medication.

[punsmaster69]

21/DEC/20XX

"I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND THE MENACING FRISK,"

(he rolled the 'r' in frisk's name, too.)

"CHALLENGE YOU!!"

the two of them struck a back-to-back pose i'm sure they've practiced before; snowballs readied.

"Oh you're ON!!!"

undyne dragged alphys with her.

immediately, paps and undyne were on opposite sides of the yard, making snow walls for defense.

"Should we join them?"

yesterday took it outta me. couldn't keep up with 'em if i wanted to.

"...naahh."

so me and tori watched from the sidelines as the chaos broke out.

——

flowey's out of his pot at the moment.

was yesterday, too.

goes back in it at the end of the day.

that's fine and all, but he definitely just tripped frisk with a vine.

tori didn't notice it happen.

...should i say somethin'..?

.......nah.

they can work it out.

——

frisk pelted him in the face with a snowball.

somehow, this led to an agreement.

not argument.

agreement.

they're teamed now.

——

"They are having quite the time, it seems. Even Flowey has joined."

mettaton joined alphys and undyne's team to balance it out not long after.

"You can't go underground!"

"That's DEFINITELY cheating!!"

"And what?! I'm supposed to LET you-"

flowey disappeared and reappeared from the snow to dodge an incoming snowball from undyne.

"THAT!!"

"You can't do that! It's totally cheating!!"

"When you're throwing those things with murderous intent I can."

"Besides! It's not cheating just because YOU can't stop missing, fish face."

"Oh, that's IT!! YOU'RE GONNA EAT THOSE WORDS!!!!!"

"Yeah?"

"Well YOU'RE about to eat SNOW!"

——

tori decided to go in early; says she's gonna start on dinner.

we watched frisk get bowled over into the snow by a concerningly large snowball. they sprung back up like a... well, spring.

right back into action instantly.

"...Perhaps I should warm up some cocoa while I'm at it."

"Make sure they do not freeze, will you?"

"i'll keep an eye out."

——

is it still considered a snowball fight if it's turned to them just launching increasingly large mounds of snow at one other?

——

hmmm.

y'know.

i was up pretty late last night...

and this snow's pretty soft here.

think i'll sneak in a nap.

——

"WAIT, WAIT!! TRUCE!"

i heard footsteps get closer, but they missed me by a few feet.

"I SAID TRUCE!!"

a muffled sorry.

"SANS."

"SANS!"

"...SANS??"

opening my sockets, i didn't see any more with them open than i did with 'em shut.

i felt snow fall into them.

"REACH OUT A HAND IF YOU'RE ALIVE."

"OR AWAKE."

shoving my arm upwards through the layer of snow,

"AH! THERE!!"

the sound of crunching snow under boots stopped right beside me.

papyrus grabbed onto my hand and pulled me up.

there was a lot more snow around than before, and it was still falling even still.

"no wonder i got buried."

"IT PICKED UP QUITE SUDDENLY."

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"yeah. i'm good."

four figures dotted the snow-covered yard.

"...uh."

"where'd flowey go?"

"he's not under all that, is he?"

"FLOWERY HAD TO GO INSIDE ABOUT FORTY MINUTES AGO. THE SNOW WAS GETTING TOO HIGH FOR IT TO STILL BE SAFE FOR HIM."

frisk, lifting their legs up high to step through the snow, made their way over.

"How was it under there?"

"snowy."

"I mean, yeah."

undyne lifted alphys onto her shoulders, and mettaton made use of his heating function to make a path for them.

"What was it like being buried alive?"

"was too asleep to tell it was happening in the first place, so i really couldn't tell you."

"I THINK IT'S BEST IF WE GO INSIDE NOW."

"UP YOU GO."

in a similar fashion to what undyne had done to alphys, i was raised onto papyrus' shoulders.

copying that, mettaton carried frisk.

"INSIDE, EVERYONE!!"

——

"...i know you're excited, but you've gotta stop kicking me, kid."

"Whoops. Sorry."

frisk is a weird kid who's favorite food happens to be stew.

their favorite drink also happens to be hot chocolate.

(it changes to chocolate milk in the warm seasons.)

needless to say, they're enjoying dinner.

tori's a real good chef.

i'd hate to imply that anyone could be better than my bro at cooking, but...

he has some competition in the ranks for sure.

even flowey's shut up by her cooking.

——

papyrus added a basket of blankets and pillows to the living room earlier this month, and i'm seeing their purpose now.

feeling pretty cozy in here with the blankets and all.

especially with everyone huddled around mtt like a furnace.

[operation-cursed-sweet-tooth]

Well... I could say that this didn't happen long ago, I think... and the attacker was very aggressive, I could tell by the scraped horns especially the protruding horn, i think the puffle tried to defend itself or got hurt while Running Away from the attacker... I think... Hmmm... are his bones shown, which look very clean.. as if he had savored the blood? Because I don't see any other way for them to be very clean in a little time or the interaction of another individual other than the attacker... and if so that means... the attacker ate this part of the puffle? and if it is... definitely what possibly ended the puffle's life...

and about the footprints, I couldn't say what they are... I think they would be ¿wolf footprints? I think... Or a bear footprints? I'm not very sure... JPG or Rookie What do you think about the footprints or any other part of the puffle's body?

I'm sorry if I'm doing this very wrong, I'm not really used to this type of mission...

Hmm… if it were a bear, it definitely couldn’t be Herbert….he’s vegetarian

And I don’t think there even are wolves on the island…? If there are that’s definitely concerning to say the least…. But we’ll have our expert check on that once she gets here…

Ah gee….if it is Herbert then we gotta figure out how to contain the guy- and fast- who knows what a giant bloodthirsty bear could do to an island of penguins-!

Rookie-

He’d probably go after us agents first-! And then the town-!

Rookie-! He’s vegetarian…!

Oh right- whoops… I forgot about that- but uh…if it’s a wolf- maybe we can tame it! Have a cute little puppy✨

Or risk getting our faces mauled….pass…

Oh cmon Guy- it’d be cute!

I’d like to keep my beak intact, no thanks-

As for the antlers…now that you mention it they are pretty clean…. But that could also mean they were licked clean by whatever was uh…eating the thing… *shudder* gross…

Or maybe they just didn’t get any blood on em?? That’s also possible-

Also true… but they appear shiny…definitely not something these type of horns are known for- they’d have to have been licked clean by something rather recently…at least to still look like this- plus this case was only reported sometime this morning…we got here a few hours after getting everything checked by another agent… as to make sure the scene was safe and not a trap

Which would mean whatever attacked the poor fella had plenty of time to do all this damage…

[salmiakkisaatana]

hey i desperately need to know more about sakari and asta btw

Ask and you shall receive!

I came up with them bc I was obsessed with one of my other oc's (Alex) and realized he needed parents.

At first I wanted his mom to be a single parent so I came up with Asta. She's an icon, the moment, a queen uknow the basic stuff. She's great mom, a dentist (she recently graduated to a doctorate), sometimes she acts in amateur plays, and she's a vintage fashion enthusiast/collector/repairer. She has a nice house, a car and Sakari to fix any problems with it (even tho Asta is also fully capable of solving them herself) and a close group of friends made up from Alex's friends' parents. Her life's maybe a bit grey, but it's a nice life and she enjoys it.

But yeah. You do need a second parent to have a kid (and I already have too many characters with unexplainedly vanished parents) so I made up Sakari. He's a little rat shit who couldn't be a husband. Fumbled the most smartest and most beautiful goddess that there is. Great job buddy. He CAN behave and be nice and charming. But usually he won't. He's a great car mechanic (that's his job, but still) and a no nonsense guy (except when it comes to Asta). He's not a bad dad (surprising for my characters), he just doesn't really know how to be a dad. He met his kid monthly or so after the divorce but neither he or Alex has ever felt that much of a father-son relationship between them. He's finally starting to kinda (?) figure out how to be a dad when the kid's what, 21 years old- And he's unfumbling the most smartest and most beautiful goddess that there is. Great job buddy!

This is a longass post so I'm putting the rest under the cut lol

The thing with these guys is that they both tried to see other people after their divorce, and most of the new partners were great and there was chemistry and stuff, but somehow the relationships all ended. Asta was the first to settle with the tought of being single.

They were together from 2000-2012, ages 17-29. They were high school* sweethearts and both of them are hopeless romatics which caused them to try and cling to each other as long as possible. They both had given so much to the relationship and supported each other (they had a kid, Sakari had mostly supported their finances when Asta was in dentistry school etc), whic is probably why they lasted so long even tho the first bigger problems started to arise pretty soon after Alex's birth in 2003 (yeah they were 20 when he was born, whoops) and they even got married in 2006 despite the problems.

Nowadays they're very attached to each other, probably even more than before now that their relationship has mostly healed from being veeeerry messy in the 2010s. They're still not getting back together, bc they know that they'd be a catastrophical mess. They're a mess even as friends. They get on each other's nerves often and bicker about stuff that doesn't matter, but they still have each others' backs

*well, the kinda equilavant of hs in Finland which is lukio

Elaborating this post:

I reblobbed this thinking about how Sakari was feeling after the divorce. He's a romantic little rat shit and he was truly feeling the loss of the most smartest and most beautiful goddess that there is. His mortality being taken in the divorce is just him being a dramatic little bitch playing with symbolism. Sorry, he's not actually immortal! Only normal ass humans here (unless it's one of my fantasy AU thingies).

[tobiasdrake]

I need to go see a person about a coin.

You know, I honestly thought the Archer and Priest were unbeatable but then I nailed them on my second try so maybe I'm just bad at understanding this game.

In any case, enough of that. We have official hero business to attend to.

HEY FUCKWEASEL, BRING OUT THE LOOT AND WE WON'T MESS UP YOUR FACE.

...

Much. We won't mess up your face much. I did not come all this way to not hit something with my beatstick.

Oh. Well. No going back now. We are across the B&E threshold. This is officially a burglary. All we can do now is see it to the end.

Zale, Garl, you guys holding up okay? Don't think of it as banditry, think of it as treasure hunting.

Dude, it's a smash and grab. I don't know what's so complicated about that. But sure. Whatever. Come along, Patches.

This might be a little more complicated than a smash and grab. I'm glad I made Patches stick around; We might need him to explain some things.

Alright, we'll make base camp here and then figure out what we're TEAKS TEAKS TEAKS TEAKS

Holy shit, when and how did you get here!? I guess she couldn't resist the allure of breaking into a mysterious wizard lab. We were gone five minutes and she was like, "Hold up, did I just tell them I don't want to investigate the most interesting and mysterious place on this whole island!? GUYS. GUYS WAIT FOR ME."

Oh, we're not the first people to break in here. Could have fooled me from the impenetrable door outside. I wonder if the wizard has to repair it after each would-be burglar steals inside?

Or maybe these guys are just more subtle than we are.

Either way, loot's mine. Back off.

Y'know, this place isn't so complicated. Not any worse than the Mist Trials, really. Once you get your head around the idea that physics can loop there's really nothing that unusual about this wizard's labyrinth.

So you climbed down a well out of self-pity? Seems a bit extreme but sure, I don't see why not.

Did you eat the watch!?

Okay sure, why not. The important thing is, I caught a ton of lunar trout. Objectively the best kind of trout.

Garl, we're doing crime here. You don't call out during crime.

Also something you don't shout at the top of your lungs during a burglary. Garl, if the wizard hears you then this burglary's going to have to turn into a robbery real fast.

Too later. Burglary's cancelled. This is a robbery now. Weapons out, everyone! Look fierce; Show of force. We're going for maximum intimidation.

HOLY SHIT I AM MAXIMUM INTIMIDATED RIGHT NOW

You know what, that's fair.

After what we just went through it better fucking be.

Imagine fistfighting a being of pure rainbow light and energy over a misunderstanding. "Whoops! Sorry, wrong loot. You wanted the cosmic horror of time and space. He's two portals to the left."

At this point, you should be so lucky for me to officially name you as members of our crew but whatever. I'll take what I can get.

So are we chasing down the Vespertine first or going straight to Wraith Island?

...

Okay. I. Guess. That's on me for assuming. Cap'n did say she was chasing after a ship. I should have taken that as a red flag that she didn't already have one.

._. Yo ho ho, pirates we be. To set sail on the ocean is the life for me.

[xxswagcorexx]

tumblr user xxswagcorexx why do you insist on hiding away half your analyses/ramblings in the tags of your posts speak ur truth!!! anyway talk mythology andor symbolism to me whats the significance behind red's cult eating honey? do either of them get any items of power mixed up sometimes but just go whoops and move on like its no big deal? what would an outsider pov on this mess look like "ah that pair of lunatic gods again" bc this is sooo funny to me to imagine

i am . scared of everyone (and plus i don't wanna make the post too long and tags let me ramble without worrying abt length/mention small things without feeling like i need to format it properly ^_^

and uh abt the honey thing. this is where u can see this is Really inspired by greek mythology but basically in greek mythology, honey was seen as food of the gods and would provide gods immortality and whatnot ^_^ anyways i was like "hmmmmmm reddoons core" but also it just really works well. aesthetically for him

(AND GET READY FOR A LONG RAMBLE UNDER THE CUT)

anyways on the topic of the honey thing, i tend to associate red with gold because 1) money and 2) red and gold are a really classic color combo that i love, so honey (sorta) resembling molten gold is just. really aesthetically pleasing to me

and also iirc red wanted to make the byzantine empire in earthbound season 2? and when i came across a video on how to make byzantine honey fritters by tasting history with max miller i was like "omg reddoons core"--and from the video it seems like honey was a bit of a special dessert? in 6:33 of the video, there's a poem about a monk complaining about how the abbots have it a lot better than the monks and they mention that the abbots had 2nd helping of honey fritters so yeah i think its safe to assume honey was a semi-special thing, even if it was common. so uh. yeah. money and reddoons. thumbs up

and for the longest time i have associated bees and honey by rina sawayama with. swagdoons in general and the entire song is about how much the singer loves money and partying even if they're broke as shit LMAO its such a good bop if you like pop i recommend it . anyways ya that just added to the aesthetic in general

(as u can tell most of it was based off of vibes and plus in biased because i like how. warm milk and honey taste and plus i really like the idea of milk being something nurturing and honey being something sweet that is representative of love bc ur being sweet and easing someone into something so. Yeah. just vibes but how i figure out vibes are so specific that its worth explaining i think <- loves romanticizing the mundane) (and there's a sick ass line from the end poem like that) (like "And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love. You are the player. The story. The program. The human. Made from nothing but milk and love." come ON that line fucks so hard how couldn't i love it)

anyways i think with all of that in mind, red's cult would eat honey as a sign of wealth and comfort/nurturing 4 those reasons ^_^ (i am so sorry for all of that for explaining that i just have lots of Reasons to why i feel something sometimes)

WILDLY OFF TOPIC but u also asked abt items of power getting mixed up, i think it would happen most during worship </3 i think they'd just go to each other and be like "REDDOONS one of your cult members sacrificed blood as a loyalty pact to their partner instead of WAR again. u want it" and red would either let ash keep it or take it so uh. insert them sharing their power with each other here even though their values are usually on increasing ur ego and being on top of the world (CONSIDERING THIS FANDOM LOVES THEMES OF LOYALTY IN A GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL WAY) (SEE WHY I DDNT WANT THEM COMING FROM ANOTHER GOD OR MERGING INTO 1 GOD) (THE IMPLICATIONS ARENT GOOD)

anyways i think ash and red (as gods) and their cults are pretty well known (like how swagdoons r the 2nd most popular ls ship) but LORD if their myths got lost to time they'd be a nightmare to study via texts and scripts in the future. like i can imagine for the LONGEST time historians argue if they were gods that changed during the dark ages because red's name predates ash until they Finally find a myth involving them as 2 different characters and its settled that they're 2 separate gods even though they represent similar-ish things LOL anyways yeah i can imagine more myths of them being found and historians going ??? wtd were these gods <3 hope that answers ur questions anon! :D

[dervampireprince]

hi prince !! 👋👋

so basically I'm thinking of getting into voice acting but have no idea how to start?? so i was just wondering how you first started and if you have any tips?

(also if you have any tips on how to deal with voice dysphoria / how to make my voice deeper)

ooo okay okay so i'll do my best to answer but bear in mind my only voice acting experience is doing this self-employed and audio commissions, but i've never done an audition or been hired for an actual project with a director and so on.

honestly the reason why i got a good start and traction was purely because i was doing fandom audios of a fandom that was big at the time (arcane). and when new fandoms emerge i try and jump on that (luckily i've always been a multi-fandom boy). though i've seen other channels on youtube do well who don't voice fandom stuff, and honestly i don't know what causes a video to suddenly do well. i think i've gotten better at figuring titles out, but honestly i just feel like i'm just doing random stuff and getting lucky. but when i look back at my first audios oh nonononono my microphone was not good, i didn't know how to edit out background noise, and my acting and accents have definitely improved, but i haven't taken any classes, it's just been from practise i guess.

as for voice tips, oh i feel you with the major voice dysphoria. i have my ways of deepening my voice but... it takes so much constant conscious effort to do that i forget most of the time, especially when outside and being anxious and shy, i just don't remember to do my stuffs. but it's not just talking deeper, you can hurt your voice doing that. i'm sorry if this makes no sense but it's what works for me: talk at the back of your throat. if you talk quiet at at the from of your mouth it'll sound more feminine and if you move that back it helps sound more masc. opening your mouth more when you talk too, like wider movements. and the most recent tip that helps me.. well i couldn't understand it when it was explained to me 'talking further up in my throat' like i don't understand that, but what i ended up figuring out for myself is if i try and talk where my voice goes when i yawn. sadly i am very sensitive to yawning, to the point where just thinking the word 'yawn' makes me yawn and so when i think 'okay time to talk where i yawn' makes me instantly yawn when i go to talk deeper. whoops. i hope some of that made sense. and if it doesn't, you can look on youtube for masc voice tutorials and tips.

[nari-writes]

Donnie decides he's going to prove scientifically that his crushes are stupid so he codes the World's Best Dating Software, and it says Casey and April should date so he doesn't check his own name

“So, I ran the numbers-”

“How fast were they?”

Donnie glares at him, but April’s smothering laughter behind her hand so Casey counts that as a win. 

“I crunched the-”

“Did they taste good?”

“You should date,” Donnie blurts in an angry rush. Casey’s grin freezes, tight and uncertain. 

“What?” he says. 

“How do numbers-?” April mutters, then holds her hand up. “Date who? It’s not like saving the world gave us much time to meet new people.” She smiles at Donnie, teasing and light, but there’s an edge to her smile that Casey can only catch because of the time they’ve spent together. He looks to Donnie, watching as Donnie sinks a little, defensively, into his shell. 

“Not new people,” Donnie mumbles, and then he takes a deep breath and pulls himself out of his shell. Shoulders back, head high, the pose of a dutiful son trained into him, but he’s looking at the wall over their shoulders instead of at them and Casey feels a frown start to pull at his mouth. “You should date each other.” Donnie looks to Casey, a familiar, frustrated scowl on his face as he picks his next words carefully, “I made a program, for- to see if I- no. To see if you two would be- to prove that you’d be bad for each other. And it- proved I was- wrong.”

Casey turns the start of his frown into a teasing smile, trying to crush the uncomfortable feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. “Think that could’ve sounded anymore painful, D? And, hey, mind repeating it so I can get a recording?”

“Casey…” April says, in the soft tone that means he’s overstepped some boundary, and he knows it but he can’t- Donnie can’t be serious. 

“No way, Red. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When does Donnie ever say he’s wrong?”

“Casey,” she says, and leans into his space to pinch the back of his hand. He grabs her wrist, pulling it behind her back, and she twists out and over the back of the couch and he lets her go- 

She covers his mouth, and he thinks about licking her palm, but decides to give her and her empathy powers the floor. For now, he thinks, frowning as Donnie shifts on his feet.  

“I made a program that analysed- the viability of relationships,” he says softly when April stays silent, looking at him. “It proved that you and Casey’s efficiency in battle would improve by approximately 20%, as would his grades and your general happiness, April. That’s- you two being happy is important.”

“So why do you look so unhappy right now, Don?” she asks, and takes her hands away from Casey’s mouth. Slowly, so he knows not to speak, but something about Donnie’s posture, the expression on his face, tells him it’s wiser to shut up. 

Donnie manages a smile for her, because he always will, but even Casey can tell something is off about it. To April’s powers it must look like a neon siren. “You heard Casey, April. This is pretty rare for me - I don’t like being proved wrong.”  

“What were you trying to prove right?” she asks, and Donnie stiffens. 

“April-” he says, and then, “don’t-” 

Donnie scrubs at his face roughly and just before he pulls his mask back down, Casey catches the dark bags under his eyes. This hadn’t been some idle project; he’d poured sleepless hours into it, and for what? To be told by a machine - Donnie’s religion, if ever he’d believe in a god - that April and Casey should date. Why had he even been doing that? 

“Donnie,” she says, in the tone she uses when she wants something, when she wants answers, and Donnie crosses his arms over his plastron. “Why were you making a program to prove Casey and I should-” she pauses, her voice dipping pained, and Casey tries to ignore the sting, “-date?”

“It was to prove you shouldn’t date,” Donnie mutters. “And it backfired.”

“Not an answer to ‘why’,” Casey says shortly, and Donnie glares at him. 

“So I used the program to help me analyse common romantic scenarios,” Donnie says, ignoring Casey entirely, and pulls a sheet of paper out of his belt, unfolding it in front of them. It’s colour-coded, because of course it is. “And I figured out the most efficient dating plan. Being in life-threatening danger together has actually helped the plan a lot; there’s a whole section here you can skip if you want to.”

“Donnie,” April says, and the second her hands are off Casey’s shoulders, he’s up and pulling the plan out of Donnie’s hands. Donnie makes a pained little noise as it flutters to the floor.  

“Look,” he says, poking Donnie in the chest hard enough that Donnie startles backward. “I know you’re still bad at people interacting and all that bs, but you don’t just do this stuff, D, got it? I’m not gonna date April just because some stupid program says I should, not when she’s been more than clear on not wanting a boyfriend right now, and I sure as hell ain’t doing it based on a chart. We’re not gonna date just because some stupid program says so.”

“It’s not stupid,” Donnie says, and he reaches for his chart but Casey shoves him again, ignoring April’s hey! in the background. 

“It is too. You’re stupid if you think some machine gets to tell me who to date and how to do it. It’s stupid.”

“It is not!” Donnie says, baring his teeth, and he finally looks normal. He’s finally snapping back like he should, all loose-limbed and slouched shoulders drawn tight in indignation. “I don’t make stupid things, it isn’t stupid, I spent hours on it! I programmed it with Professor Honeycut’s simulator tech, it can run thousands of scenarios and extrapolate the likelihood of common threads working in real life-”

“Stupid,” Casey says, and Donnie snarls. 

“You’re stupid!”

“I’m not the one who made a useless machine!”

“It is not!” Donnie says, and he shoves Casey, making Casey stumble back over his own feet before he lunges forwards and into Donnie’s space again.

“Oh yeah? Then what’s it do but tell you bull about me and April dating?”

“It proved my crush on you two is stupid!”

“Will you both stop it?” April yells, shoving both of them apart with her hands and her powers, and Casey’s too stunned to catch himself, falling back onto the couch. Donnie hits a beanbag and goes down too, his eyes wide. 

April, between them both, is panting hard as her arms drop to her sides. Her hair is loose around her shoulders, and usually Casey would go to her side to keep her up while Donnie pressed his hand to her forehead, then to check her pulse, but right now Donnie looks like he’s about to bolt and Casey’s still reeling. 

Silence reigns in the lair, some water drip echo the only distant noise, and then Donnie says, “I didn’t mean that.”

His voice is too soft, too scared, to be anything but a lie. 

Casey doesn’t know if they’re supposed to let Donnie get away with it. 

[mrvlbimbo]

His secretary but in a porno way 

Saul Goodman x reader

20ish year age gap, spit kink kinda, creampie, he fucks his secretary (not in the office sadly), idiots in lust, major sexual tension, I can't tell if this is out of character for him or very very in character, Saul talks a big game but he's kinda subby when push comes to shove. Also im warning y'all this probably isn't very sexy bc they're just very goofy the whole time. BUT it is very cute! there's a mention of viagra but I'm not a doctor so I probably got it wrong, ignore me hehe

4.1k words btw

Frankly, she was getting a bit tired of being ignored.

Sure, when she got hired by a sleazy seeming lawyer almost twice her age she was actually a little concerned about the idea of him checking her out.

But there was something about him that made her want him to look at her like that, maybe it was because he absolutely refused to.

About a month in, she switched to pencil skirts that were a good three inches shorter and as far as she could tell, he never noticed. She had to strut into his office one day in a skirt that barely covered her ass before she could even get him to say anything about it.

"Look. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, female empowerment and all that, yeah. But this isn't a great part of town and if you're going to wear stuff like that, I just worry ya know?" he shook his head, genuine concern lining his tired face.

"Right, sorry Mr. Goodman." She ducked her head in shame, embarrassed that her unprofessionalism hadn't made him madly lust after her; it had just made him call her out for being unprofessional.

"You know what? Wear what you want, just- Would you let me drive you home?" her heart started beating out of her chest at the suggestion. It was the only indication he had ever given that he cared for her more than just as the person who got him coffee in the morning.

After that she went back to more sensible skirts, still a bit shorter than was professional but nothing to write home about. When paired with tight low-cut sweaters, stiletto heels, and thin mesh tights held up by a garter just above the hem of her skirt, she felt like a sexy secretary from a cheesy low budget porno. In the best way of course.

She knew she wasn't ugly, that couldn't be the problem. He never wore a wedding ring either, not that that would have stopped her.

Maybe he was just a good guy? A guy who didn't have any fantasies about banging his hot young secretary on top of the desk in his office. Although, she highly doubted that.

But she still had no proof that he wanted her. Until one glorious night when she was locking things up and she decided to power down his computer for him, only to be met with the home screen of a porn website.

She couldn't hold herself back from looking at his watch history and she was surprised in the very best way to find titles such as,

"businessman getting a blowie under his desk during a meeting" "lawyer fucks his hot young secretary" "older man younger woman" "office sex" 

She really should have turned off his computer then and there, but instead she watched a few of the videos.

There was one that appeared in his searches multiple times, so she figured that would be a good place to start. And she was right to pick that one.

The female actress bore a striking resemblance to her, like if she wasn't wearing her glasses she could totally mistake it as one of her (frequent) sex dreams about getting down and dirty with her boss.

She tried to stay calm, she really did, but now that her suspicion was confirmed he was even more on her mind. And she really started to notice the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

Glancing up from his papers when she yelped "whoops, dropped a pen!" and watching her bend over just enough so he could see her lace panties and the bit at the top of her thighs where her hosiery ended.

And she just narrowly missed the way he slid a hand into his pants to relieve himself.

But she had gotten more bold, leaning over his desk to show off her chest anytime he asked her a question. Brushing her hand on his shoulder and arm when he walked by her and always standing close enough for him to smell her perfume.

She also started accepting more rides home, making it an almost nightly thing.

At first he parked on the street and let her walk up to her apartment by herself. But this wasn't good enough for her.

So maybe she hired one of the kids next door to give her trouble one night and make it seem like she was in more danger than she was, not that it could be proven. But it worked like a charm because after that he always walked her to the door.

It seemed like every time he dropped her off they stood at her doorstep for just a bit longer, if only she could get him to come into her apartment.

There wasn't a lot of rain in Albuquerque so when it started pouring one night just before she was about to leave work, she knew it had to be fate.

"Mr. Goodman, can I get a ride home please? It's raining pretty hard out there." She may have imagined it but something in his face changed when she said his name.

"Of course, dear. Just give me a minute to grab my things," he replied simply.

Dear, that was new. He rarely ever called her anything other than her name. Sometimes he called her Miss and it felt delightfully old fashioned.

Their car rides were always quiet but this time it was silent, having to pay close attention to the road due to the rainfall coming down hard.

Despite the rain, he still walked her to the door, his gray suit jacket darkened by the rainwater by the time they arrived.

"Can you drive in this?" she asked tentatively. 

"We'll see," he sighed, reaching out and putting a hand on her shoulder. He gave her an awkward pat, both of them cringing at the exchange.

"Wait- Uh, why don't you stay. Just till the rain clears up, please." The lie formed quickly, her thoughts grasping for an excuse to make him stay.

“I uh- I don’t want to impose.” As the words come out of this mouth, the weather worsens, hail coming down along with the rain and making it seriously dangerous conditions.

"No really. I mean like who's gonna pay my bills if my boss dies in a rainstorm?" she giggles a bit awkwardly, giving him a pleading look to just agree so she doesn't have to keep going with her unconvincing charade.

"You make a good point. Plus I can't leave my lovely assistant to brave the storm on her own, now can I?" His words were in agreement but he still seemed hesitant, eyes glancing back and forth from her to his car parked in the street.

"I mean you can, but you really shouldn't." She tried her best to make her voice breathy and seductive, twirling his paisley tie around her fist and tugging it slightly.

"Oh and why is that?" his eyes widened as he looked down and met hers, pupils blown wide although he assumed it was just from the dim light outside.

"Because I want you here," she cooed, pulling him into the apartment behind her and slamming the door.

In the dirty part of her brain this scenario went down a very specific way, she pushed him against the closed door and they had their way with each other. Sometimes it was slow and sensual, sometimes it was fast and hard but she had fantasized about it many times.

But then there was reality, in which she led Saul into her apartment and they sat on the couch in awkward silence.

"So uh... can I get you anything, Mr. Goodman?" she asked, while reaching her hand over to suggestively run up his thigh and batting her lashes at him.

"Just Saul is fine. And I'll have a gin and tonic." She could see the way his body tensed at the contact and she wasn't quite sure if that was a good thing.

"I guess you could say I better call you Saul." She giggled at the corny joke, hopping off the couch to mix him a drink.

"That's clever, I should get you to help me with commercials." She smiled to herself while mixing the drink as she thought of the idea.

"Well, as long as I get to spend more time with you." She stood behind him, passing the glass over his shoulder and then perching her hands there, gently massaging the sore muscles. "Mr. G- Saul, I mean...whoops."

He laughed lightly, putting a hand over hers on his shoulder. "It's ok."

"So..." she started

"So?" he prompted when her words stalled, anxious to hear whatever she had to say.

"Long day?" she asked as if it wasn't obvious by the tension in his shoulders.

"They're all long days," he grumbled, leaning into her touch, much to her approval. 

"That's no good. You're always so stressed. Taking care of everyone else, but who's gonna take care of you?" There was no way other than suggestively to interpret her words. The tension of them hung in the air until he responded.

"Isn't that your job?" he asked, his voice deeper than usual. The gravely tone made her want to giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush on her professor and the irony of it was not lost on her.

"Oh please. You barely concede to letting me get your coffee in the morning. Sometimes I feel like you're the secretary and I run a very successful phone answering company." She sighed and rounded the couch to sit down next to him.

"You really are clever," he mused, leaning his chin on his palm and staring at her with a small smile. Then he snuck his hand over onto her thigh much to her surprise, but not an unwelcome one. 

"You're the clever one, sir." Her hand traced over the back of his, putting gentle pressure on his fingers and urging him to squeeze the soft flesh of her thigh. 

And he did squeeze, just a little bit. But it was enough to make a shiver run down her spine. "Don't call me sir, it makes me feel old." His voice was a low growl now, eyes staring her down like predator to prey. 

“Men are like wine, they get better with age.” Her voice was heavy with lust, their faces so close together now that her warm breath was brushing his cheek. Her fingers crawled up the arm of his suit jacket, dark manicured nails clutching tightly to the fabric to pull him dangerously close. 

"Still raining like hell out there, huh?" He pulled back, leaning back on the couch and looking forward to the dark tv instead of at her. It was a clear effort to cool down the tension of their situation. 

"Yep, looks like you're stuck with me for the night. I'll grab you something to wear to bed." She rushed out of the room, mentally kicking herself both for coming on too strong and for not fully committing.

She needed this night to go the right way so she could fuck him and get it out of her system. But it was so easy just to talk to him, that wouldn't do.

Her heels clicked on the hardwood of her bedroom floor as she paced around thinking of a solution. Simple flirting wasn’t going to work with him, maybe it was his moral code or maybe he hadn’t gotten laid in a while but it was like trying to get into the pope’s pants. 

After grabbing a pair of sweatpants for him, she frantically dug through her underwear drawer, coming up with a forest green nightgown after tossing the contents of the drawer onto the floor of her room. 

When she arrived back in the living room with the pair of sweatpants for him to wear, he had already stripped down to his boxers. Embarrassingly, she squealed, slapping a hand over her eyes and tossing the sweatpants in his direction. 

“Ooh lookit that, you’re so tiny without heels on.” His eyes raked over her body, quickly coming up with an excuse for the transgression. Although it fell flat when contrasted with the hungry look he couldn’t seem to hide. 

“Shuddup, you ass,” she giggled, grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it, somehow using the momentum to “fall” into his lap. 

Her knees were on either side of his legs so she was straddling him and her hands clutched at his shoulders to steady herself. “Is that any way to talk to your boss?” He teased, reaching out and twirling a strand of her hair around his finger before tucking it back behind her ear. 

“No, sir. I guess I’ll have to find some way to make it up to you, huh?” She leaned in, lips just barely brushing his as she whispered sensually. The intention in her words was clear. 

“Jesus christ. Is this really happening?” he shakes his head as her sharp fingernails scratch down his bare chest, breath hitching when her hips jerk against his. 

“I don't know what you mean.” She blinked at him innocently, hands resting on his waistband just above the obvious bulge showing through the gray sweatpants. 

“I mean the fact we’re living the plot of a low budget porno. Frankly, I’m just bummed we can’t drive to the office and make it more immersive.” His hands slid under the green lace and mesh of her nightgown, groping at her hips and leaving an indent from the ring on his pinky finger. 

“Would you want that? You wish we were in the office right now? Wish you had me pinned against one of those stupid fucking pillars? Or maybe sitting pretty on your desk?” Her glossy lips glided over his neck, leaving pink marks on the slightly tanned skin. 

“Hey! The pillars arent stupid. They’re dig-” Before he could finish, she was smashing her lips against his, her tongue slipping into his mouth skillfully and halting any words he might have been trying to say. “-nified. The pillars are dignified,” he panted out, slurring his words slightly despite only having one drink. 

“Aw, they’re really not. But it's cute that you think that.” Her hands cup his face in a surprisingly gentle way, her soft hands brushing his jaw and cheeks as she seemingly studies his face. 

“Cute? Seriously?” he scoffed, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. 

“Yes. You’re cute. You make this little face when you’re thinking where you scrunch your lips into a line, it's very cute.” The brushes her thumb over his lip, just barely sliding her finger past the seal of his mouth and pressing down on his tongue. He wrapped his lips around her finger, sucking enthusiastically and swirling his tongue around the pad of her finger. 

He practically fucking whimpers when she pulls her finger away and sucks it into her own mouth, humming at the taste of him. 

“Is that why I'm here? Because you think I'm… cute?” He gasped when her lips went back to his neck, sucking and biting his sensitive skin. 

“You’re here because I want to fuck you ‘til the sun rises, but I suppose that’s part of it too.” Her hand slipped under the waistband of his sweatpants, pleasantly surprised that he had slipped out of his boxers when she wasn’t looking.

“O-oh. That might just kill me,” he groaned, hips jerking up into her hand. 

“Oh what a terrible way to go,” she giggled, moving off his lap and sinking down to her knees between his legs. 

The sight of her on her knees for him, tongue lapping at the precum on the tip of his cock, was absolutely sinful. The most he could do to stop from blowing his load right then was grab a fistfull of her hair and hold her still. “Woah woah, ok one sec. I'm going to cum if you do that.” 

“On my face or in my mouth?” she asked, a mischievous smirk pulling up the corners of her lips. He gulped when she ran her tongue over the length of him. Her movements were careful and teasing, heeding his warning and slowing her roll to give them more time. 

“I’ll fuck-” she seals her lips around his cock, taking him down her throat until her nose is pressed flush to his stomach. “I’ll let you know.” 

She looks up at him with desperate eyes, trying to communicate just through the fluttering of her eyelashes that she was trying to say, fuck my throat. 

He got the message loud and clear, tangling his hand in the back of her hair and somehow forcing himself further down her throat if that was even possible. 

Drool started to pool at the corners of her lips, salty tears spilling from her eyes and dripping down onto his cock. “Jeez you are fucking incredible,” he whimpered, hands now brushing her hair back gently and keeping it out of her face. 

Just as he was about to cum she pulled away, her saliva mixed with his precum dribbling down her chin. “As much as I love having your cock in my mouth, I need you to fuck me.” 

She stood shakily, tumbling forward into his arms and back to her place on his lap. She pressed her mouth to his messily, giving him a taste of his own cum on her tongue. 

“You dirty little slut,” he murmured against her lips, his hands reaching down to squeeze her ass as she licked into his mouth. 

“Creepy old perv,” she countered with a wink, reaching her hand down to clutch his weepy cock, dragging the head of it against her warm entrance. 

His head fell back against the couch, hands grabbing her waist so hard it was probably going to leave bruises. She’d need to think of a good excuse to wear something that exposes them. 

“Touche. Do you have a condom?” He turned to reach for the cabinets next to the couch but she stopped him, grabbing his wrists and bringing his hands back to cup her tits. To which he reacted with wide eyes and a labored breath. 

“I have a latex allergy,” she lied quickly, head fuzzy with the idea of him inside of her. 

“No you don't. You’re allergic to peanuts and bees.” He scrunches his eyebrows at the random lie, taking a second to flaunt his random knowledge of her. 

“Fuck me raw?” she offered with a bubbly grin on her cheeks that he couldn't seem to say no to. 

If his eyes were wide before, they were practically popping out of his skull now. Concequences be damned, he was going to fuck his secretary raw and fill her with his cum if it was the last thing he did. “Well if you insist. But my doing it on the couch days are behind me, mind if we take this to the bedroom?” 

With minimal warning he stood. “Saul, oh my god!” she yelped, her legs wrapping around his waist to keep her steady in his arms. 

“I gotcha,” he grunted, strong wiry arms wrapping around her back and holding her to his chest as he made the trip from her living room to the bedroom. 

He tossed her onto the bed and she giggled as he frantically shoved his pants off and crawled onto the bed to hover over her. “I think I just threw my back out,” he groaned as he kissed down her neck and groped at her chest and thighs, bunching up her nightgown to run his fingers through the slickness between her legs. 

“I’ll give you a massage later, sugar,” she cooed, fingers tangling in the short hair at the  back of his neck, nails slightly digging in in a way that was both painful and pleasurable. 

“Pet names already?” he teased, tucking his finger under the straps of her dress one by one and easing her out of the garment, kissing every new stretch of exposed skin. 

“Just shut up and fuck me.” with her legs around his waist, she flips their positions so she’s on top, hands on his chest to steady herself as she looks down at him with hunger. 

“Yes ma'am.” His voice was practically a whimper, a new side of him that she was quite enjoying. Who knew the bigshot-always-in-charge Saul Goodman liked to let go a bit in bed? 

His breath caught in his chest when she slid his cock into her with relatively little difficulty, despite its size “Feels alright?” 

“Fuck yeah. ‘S really big,” she moaned, moving her hips as much as was possible while still recovering from the large intrusion stretching her. 

“If I knew—if I—” He tried to say something but his head was swimming with the feeling of her warm heat squeezing the life out of him. 

“So that's how to get you to shut up?” she teased, nails scratching his chest as she started to bounce on his cock and take his breath along with any coherent thought that might’ve still been floating around in his head. 

“Faster, c’mon,” he groaned, fingers digging into the flesh of her hips and urging her to increase her momentum. 

“You don't get to m-make demands,” she growled, her hand curling his neck and squeezing just enough to make him whine. “I’ve been wanting you for months, let me take my fucking time.” 

“Touch yourself for me, baby. I know you want to.” He takes control of the thrusting. With his bruising grip on her hips, sliding her up and down his cock and brushing that spot deeeep inside of her that made her see stars. Meanwhile her skillful fingers snaked down between them to play with her clit. 

And this is when he gets really into it, curses spilling off his lips along the lines of “Fuckin’ perfect little slut.” “Shoulda done this ages ago.” “This pussy is mine, ya hear?” “All fuckin’ mine.” 

“Yeah, you love this pussy?” she whined, her hands shaking now as they both lost control. 

“You know I do.” The filthy sound of skin slapping together was almost overpowering his choked out words, the slight twinge in his back not nearly enough to ever make him think of stopping. 

“Cum in it,” she demands, tightening around him and practically sucking him in farther if that was even possible. 

He obliged her demand of course, because who is he to deny the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen while she’s cumming on his cock. 

“Whoo,” she shouted, hips rolling against his with vigor to milk every last drop out of him. 

“Holy mother of god. I think I’m dead.” He stares up at the ceiling as she struggles off his lap with shaky legs. 

“I think you’re fine, considering the fact you're still hard. Dead men can't have boners.” She giggled slightly, fingers dancing over the head of his still sensitive (and hard) cock. 

“Shit. I took some really strong viagra before this. I’ll uh…handle this,” he grumbled, pushing her hand away and replacing it with his. 

He watched her every move as she got out of bed, cum leaking down her leg. His cum. He touched himself to the sight of it and for the first time, he didn’t feel like a pervert jerking off to her. 

“Be back in a sec,” she muttered, going into the bathroom and leaving him to his own devices. 

He waited patiently for her, only granting himself little teasing touches until she returned. “Have I ever told you that you have the most perfect tits?” he groaned, reaching over with his free hand to squeeze her boobs.  

“No, you hadn’t mentioned it.” She sighed when he rolled over and buried his face in her chest. 

“Fuckin’ perfect tits.” His voice was muffled by her aforementioned tits, but he got the point across by mouthing at the sensitive skin. “Can I mark ‘em up?” he asked, not bothering to listen to her response before he was biting down and leaving red marks that would fade out into a dark purple later. 

“Guess I’ll have to start wearing those low cut sweaters again,” she teased, one hand petting his hair while she reached the other down to play with his neglected cock. 

“You always know exactly what to do, I—fuck—you’re so—” his words stutter out as he cums again, his spent body shaking against her. 

“Perfect?” she finished, quoting his earlier compliment. 

He gave a content sigh, nuzzling his face into her chest and wrapping his arms around her waist tightly. “Yeah.”

************************

whelp... that was certainly an experience, I hope y'all had thoughts about it

I know I did!

lmk if y'all have idea for this pairing I kinda love the idea of Saul with a hot young secretary

[ccalhoun]

≻ ┄┄ ♡ ┄┄ ≺

dwayne hoover x mute!male!reader

req: COULD YOU DO A DWAYNE HOOVER X MUTE MALE READER FLUFF? 😭 IM MUTE AND ITS SO HARD TRYING TO FIND ONES WITH MUTE READER (wattpad)

wc: 1.4k

warnings: male reader (he/him), mute reader, reader can be cis or trans it really doesn't matter, takes place before the movie, maybe second-hand embarrassment, awkward ending whoops sorry </3, kind of short

note: this was so fun to write tbh!!

cut for length!!

You get out of your parent's car, your notepad in hand as you got ready to have to deal with the hell that is school. You couldn't blame the bullies at school much, not many of them meet mute people in their lifetimes. You tried to use ASL but barely anyone knew it so you decided to just use a notepad and pen instead, you figured it was the main reason some kids made rude comments about it.

Your family had just moved to this town mid-school year, you hadn't minded it much since your family moved a lot but you were going to miss one of the friends you made in the town you were just in.

You walked into the office and wrote something down quickly, asking where the counselor's office is and showing it to someone at the front desk.

"What? can't talk?" She laughed after she spoke, her laughter dying down when she realized that you weren't joking. She quickly points you towards the office and goes back to work, filling out papers and such. You knock on the door before the counselor opens it, smiling at you when she sees your face.

"Hey, kiddo! What's up?" She says joyfully only to be met with you scribbling on your notepad, she frowned slightly before you showed her what you wrote. 'I need my schedule' written in big letters on the yellow paper. "Your schedule? Why won't you talk?" confusion rang in the counselor's voice. You pulled your notepad back to you and wrote again, this time saying that you're mute and don't talk, she nodded in understanding and invited you into her office. "What's your name?" She begrudgingly said as you sat down in one of the chairs.

You wrote it down and showed her, she typed the name into her computer and found your schedule, printing it out for you. As the page printed she turned her chair to be facing yours.

"You know, there's another mute student here, Dwayne Hoover. I think you two would get along, I'll call him down to give you a tour of the school," She turned back to her desk, not even noticing you shaking your head 'no' so she wouldn't call him down. She did some typing on her computer before pressing some numbers into the phone and telling whoever it was on the other end to send Dwayne Hoover down.

You waited awkwardly in the office while you waited for the supposed other mute to show up, you nervously twiddled with your thumbs when you heard a curt knock on the counselor's door.

"Oh, Dwayne! How good to see you again, this is a new student to the school that also happens to be mute. I was hoping you could take him on a tour of the school?" She said, standing up and grabbing papers she needed to deliver to another room. Dwayne just nodded and motioned for you to come towards him.

You stood up and followed him as he led you out of the counselor's office and down the hall. He made a writing motion with his hand, as if he was asking if he could talk to you through writing. You pulled out your notepad and wrote a small 'i'm m/n' written near the top. You handed the notepad to Dwayne and he read it, using his own pen to write 'dwayne' and hand the notepad back to you.

You two kept switching your notepad back and forth as you walked, ending up sitting down on a bench in the hall as you two communicated. He wrote down his house number and then wrote that you could call if you ever wanted to hang out, this turned into you two making plans to meet up after school so he could show you the music that he likes.

By the time you two were wrapping up your conversation the bell rang, so Dwayne walked you to your next class and went on his way. It was the third period when you two got done talking so you had to sit through the rest of the day waiting for it to be time to see Dwayne again.

At lunch, you saw him and sat next to him though you didn't talk as much. All you two wrote to each other was Dwayne asking if you wanted some of the apple slices he somehow got, you declined but told him you appreciated the offer. Lunch ended quickly after that, Dwayne walked you to your next class again and then left to his. You could barely focus in the rest of your classes thinking about what it would be like to hang out with Dwayne.

As the classes passed and the day got closer to 3:00 pm (15:00), you got more and more excited. When the bell finally rang, you rushed to the front of the school. Dwayne wrote that at the end of the day he would go to the front and look for you, he walked home from school every day so he didn't have to worry about if one of his parents would want to drive you to their house or not.

Just as Dwayne said he would be, he was in the front looking over the crowd of other kids to see you, he quickly found you and ran up to you, waving and motioning you to follow him just as he did the morning of that day.

You got the hint and started following him as you both walked to his house, you didn't write anything to him as you figured he'd still only want to focus on walking home instead of talking to you. It was a short walk, a little over half a mile. He frowned when he got to his house, embarrassed to introduce his family to you if they happened to notice that you two were there.

He made another notepad motion with his hands and you got the hint, pulling out your notepad and pen and handing it to him. He wrote for a bit and gave the notepad and pen back to you, standing and waiting for you to read it.

The note read, 'my family is embarrassing, you don't have to interact with them if you don't want to'

You understood where he was coming from but still wanted to meet them, you wrote your response before handing it back to Dwayne to read.

'that's ok, i get how embarrassing families go'. Dwayne handed it back to you and just shook his head with a small smile, leading you inside his house. At first, no one did anything, the house felt empty. Until you heard a door open and saw a little girl run out. She looked around 9 or 10, with big glasses. She squealed loudly when she saw you, then ran up to you and hugged your legs.

Her voice was going a hundred miles per hour, talking way too fast for you to even get anything she was saying. Eventually, she slowed down and was able to get out what she had been trying to say the entire time.

"Hi! I'm Olive, I'm Dwayne's little sister, are you Dwayne's friend? Can you stay the night?" Though her voice was calmed down, it certainly wasn't slowed very much. You nervously looked at Dwayne and he just motioned towards what you assumed to be his room, you nodded and smiled at his little sister. You waved a small bit before awkwardly getting her off your legs and getting into Dwayne's room. In his room he had his own note pad so he didn't have to get you to let him use yours, he got to his notepad and wrote something before showing it to you.

'sorry Olive is so hyper, I warned you about my family,' is what the note said, you just smiled a 'that's ok, i don't mind,' you wrote back. Dwayne went over to his collection of CDs and pulled a couple out, his favorites, before putting one of them into the CD player next to his bed. He wrote something on his notepad again before handing it to you, 'you can sit where ever, i don't mind' you nodded and handed it back.

Unsure of where to put your stuff, you took your shoes off and put them next to the door along with your backpack. You sat down on the edge of Dwayne's bed, next to where Dwayne sat down when you were taking off your shoes, and just listened to the music. You pulled out your notepad and wrote 'you have a good taste in music', handing it to him to read. He looked at you and smiled as he handed it back, writing down 'thanks' and a smiley face next to it on his own note pad.

≻ ┄┄ ♡ ┄┄ ≺

[oureuphoria]

Not Like You || JJK Oneshot

⟿ Synopsis: God had favourites. Jungkook figured that out early in his childhood, when every waking moment was spent trying to impress his parents at the expense of you. He ran away at 19 to escape the immeasurable pressure to succeed but he couldn't escape you. Six years and a daughter later, Jungkook met his childhood enemy again, except this time he didn't want to run.

⟿ Genre: fluff & angst & slow-burn so slow you question if there is even a burn.

⟿ Pairing: dilf!jungkook x boxer!jungkook x childhood enemy!reader

⟿ Word count: 28K whoops, I went a little overboard

⟿ Warnings: Mentions of depression and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of death (very brief, very minor character) some profanity.

⟿ Note: Oh boy okay so I merged boxer JK with father JK with enemies 2 lovers with friends 2 lovers so it's just a MESS okay bare with me. I'm sorry she's so chonky, also the ending was spontaneous so um sorry <3.

God had favourites. Jungkook figured that out early in his childhood, when every waking moment was spent trying to impress his parents at the expense of your effortless flaunting. Your parents had known each other from high school, they built their businesses together from the ground up and while the story is outdated and tacky, there was no other way to explain it. Their friendship was admirable, truly one of the strongest you’d ever witnessed. You yearned for a friendship like theirs, everyone did, but you weren’t quite as lucky.

Jungkook, who was older than you by four years, was supposed to be your unconditional best friend. The person you could turn to at any given moment because you both practically grew up together. Sure it was a little too convenient to be true but you hadn’t expected him to hate you. In fact, Jungkook had grown a distaste for everything Y/N. At first, his hatred was irrational and petty. He felt like you were everyone’s new object of attention, people doted on you and your cute pig tails before they ever spared him a glance. And of course, as a 9 year old everything seemed to be dramatised ten-fold but soon enough, you had given him plenty of hate fuel.

Jungkook was a fan of music and sport. Those were pretty much the only subjects he paid attention to at school. He wasn’t the brightest kid but he had passion and humour. You, were his polar opposite. You had no musical talent, not a single athletic bone in your body but academics came easy to you, so did impressing adults. You even skipped two grades and Jungkook couldn’t even escape you. You were the textbook example of everything his parents wanted him to be and he hated you for it.

Jungkook’s parents were loving, kind and well-rounded people. They had a lot of compassion and empathy, they grew up in the lower-middle class and knew how intricate money was and how detrimental it was not to waste it. They also knew that wasted potential, was the worst disease that plagued society. They wanted Jungkook to reach his full potential even if, in their eyes, that meant academic success.

Tutoring wasn’t a necessarily bad thing, initially, Jungkook welcomed the extra help. However, hiring top class tutors for an 11 year old was not a smart decision. Jungkook wasn’t thick-skinned, he didn’t take criticism well, especially not when it was delivered harshly. He cried a lot, struggled even more with the newly established pressure to do well. He broke under the weight of unrealistic expectations just like any delicate glass would and when he put himself back together piece by piece, he was never quite the same.

Forced to grow thick skin, Jungkook had lost his compassion, his soft smile and his innocent eyes. Tainted by the burden of disappointment, Jungkook knew he couldn’t fail to meet expectations if there simply weren’t any. And just like that, a child no different to the countless others who enjoyed class and the safe haven it used to be, had become a nightmare.

Middle school wasn’t the worst. He created trouble but it was petty, small and usually harmless. This was also the time period where you grew to hate him too. Where his disdain towards you had become mutual. You tried to keep the bickering to a minimum. Mainly because you liked to avoid trouble but also because you didn’t want to disappoint your parents. Since, after all Jungkook had done, you were never allowed to reciprocate, you always had to be the bigger person.

It was ironic really, Jungkook was two grades above you and still managed to act half your age. Nonetheless, you tried to treat your negative emotions towards him like papers you could file away and come back to when it really mattered. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work, no one could compartmentalise their feelings and surely not a 12-year-old but you tried anyway because anything was better than fighting with Jungkook.

High school was when it got personal. It wasn’t just petty arguments over coloured markers or throwing paint at each other. Suddenly, the hatred had deepened, seeped into your blood like poison. It consumed you, enough so to make you forget that you had no reason to hate each other in the first place. The fighting became planned and vindictive until eventually, tearing each other down had gone too far. You picked at each other’s insecurities because it was easy to destroy someone you knew well. In a way, behind the toxicity of your indescribable relationship, you had been the only constant in each others lives. You found comfort in that.

One day in your sophomore year, it went too far. You couldn’t recall the exact details if you tried but it had something to do with your parents divorce. Nevertheless, words were said, insults exchanged like daggers dragged through skin and if you could take it all back you would, because the very next day, Jungkook didn’t show up to school. He didn’t show up the following day, or the day after that until you had been informed that he’d run away.

You wondered where the missing person posters were, or his extravagant search party. You wondered why nobody seemed to care.

With a reputation that had been carefully constructed for years before Jungkook’s existence, it seemed unworthy to damage it all for him and as shallow as that sounded, the Jeons had been too hurt by his decision to see the error in their actions. And thus, no report was filed and Jungkook had disappeared from your life into thin air; his name had become forbidden in your house. Like a blemish wiped away from history, Jungkook ceased to exist and you couldn’t handle it, not when you saw him everywhere. They told his school he’d transferred, which was a blatant lie, Jungkook never finished high school but you were forced to play along.

Jungkook stayed with an older friend in Seoul where he refused to reply to any of your messages. With the burden of the heavy guilt on your shoulders, you trudged through junior year on your own, fearing that he was gone forever. Everyday for 2 years, you messaged him. It was initially just ‘please come home’ every morning but eventually, under the impression that he wasn’t receiving the messages, you vented. Sometimes it was about how depleted his house had become, how Jungkook’s older brother was spiralling into a pit of depression or how your classes didn’t feel the same. Sometimes it was about how much you hated him for leaving you to deal with two broken families.

Jungkook was nowhere for a while. No longer holding a monopoly over your mind although never completely gone. College was easier, the memory of him wasn’t there at every turn. You didn’t think much of trying to find him, not when he so clearly didn’t want to be found. You told yourself that he was alive, well and much happier than he ever was with his family. You begged that it was true every second of every day.

It wasn’t until your fourth year of college that you had confirmed your theory. You almost missed it, in a rush to make it to your morning lecture in time but your eyes unconsciously did a double take. And indeed, there he was, not-so-small Jungkook on a billboard with the title, ‘Season’s hottest contender’. A professional boxer. You were frozen in your place with your jaw slack for far too long to be normal but nobody really cared. Everyone far too busy with their own burdens.

This, you were not expecting.

Needless to say, you had gotten to your morning lecture around 15-minutes late. Why? Well, because after viewing that fleeting billboard, you spent 10 minutes googling your long-lost arch nemesis and the other 5 running to class after realising you were late. Your ethics professor didn’t mind, which you did not find the least bit ironic in the moment, and thankfully you didn’t draw too much attention. However, it probably would’ve been best if you didn’t attend at all because you had not retained a single word uttered during that 115 minute lecture.

When you had gotten back to your apartment, you began to spiral. It had been 6 years since you last saw Jungkook, 6 years since you last heard of him and your blood boiled at the fact that he was thriving. Of course you were happy for him but he had put your family and his through misery for evidently no reason. A simple text message would have sufficed.

In a spur of the moment decision, you haphazardly spent $120 on two tickets to his match that weekend, one that would take place around 40 minutes from your apartment. You just hoped that your roommate would agree to go with you because there was no other way for you to get there without spending a fortune of course.

“Please!! I promise all you have to do is come.” You pleaded for the umpteenth time that night. “Y/N, neither of us have ever given a shit about boxing, why would we go now?” You were rather close with your roommate, in fact you’d consider him your closest friend, however, you never really discussed your childhood with anyone, much less the petty feud that drove Jungkook out of his home. So, you told a small white lie to cover up the real reason behind your random spike of interest in the violent sport. “I told you, I won the tickets online and I don’t want to waste them.” “You can always sell them?” Seokjin had a valid point, there was no denying that but you weren’t one to back down easily. Jin knew that all too well. “Come on, it’ll be fun! I’ll treat you to dinner after?” “Panda Express?” You rolled your eyes at his evidently expensive taste, he was going to milk it for what it was worth. Despite being the child of a millionaire, you were trying to be financially independent and Jin was not making that easy. “I was thinking McDonalds but that works too I guess…” And with a final handshake you had sealed the deal. Jin would accompany you on your journey.

There were many details you hadn’t foreseen. Like, for example, the fact that opting for the cheapest tickets put you at a substantial distance from the ring and that Jungkook was practically untouchable. You never knew when boxing had gotten so popular but Jungkook had a large and diverse fanbase which ultimately meant tough security and no way to speak to him, not unless he noticed you first. You were sure that even with 20/20 vision, there was no way Jungkook could see you from that distance, not to mention the fact that he had to dodge and throw punches at his opponent who you had done absolutely no research on.

“Y/N, this sucks, lets bail and go to panda express.” You glared at your roommate beside you. It had been less than 10 minutes and he was already complaining. “Wait, they’re selling hot dogs I take back what I said. Go buy two.” “No! Stadium food is expensive and besides, I’m not even hungry.” “Who said they were for you? You said you’d buy me food, go, get me two hot dogs.” “Alright Jin, it’s the hot dogs or panda express.” “Nope, if you want me to sit through watching two sweaty men battle it out like medieval gladiators for an hour than you owe me two, two meals.” You rolled your eyes, shoving the money in his hand nonetheless.

The match wasn’t starting for another 15 minutes and you decided you’d take a shot in the dark. Jungkook had probably changed his number, but on the off chance he didn’t, you sent a message anyway. One that was ambiguous enough not to alarm anyone who was not in fact Jungkook but still contained enough information to ensure him that you were not a psycho stalker fan.

Hey, it’s me Y/N. I’m at your match tonight and I was wondering if we could talk?

You deleted your old messages to him, mostly because it hurt to recount what it was like back then but also partly because you wanted to move on. However, what you’d never forget was the fact that in your 2 years of messaging him, the messages had never, ever been read. So, when the read receipt had shown up onto the screen, you could feel your heart beat in your chest, the sensation becoming overpowering to the point where it left you nauseous. However, it didn’t take long for your heart to settle once again.

Sorry, wrong number.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting but you still felt the disappointment all the same. “So, I got a snow cone too but I’m not a complete monster so I got watermelon because I know it’s your favourite.” “Blueberry. Blueberry is my favourite, Jin.” You deadpanned in a monotonous tone, you were lying, watermelon was your favourite but Jin deserved the discomfort so you maintained the facade anyway. “Wow, who would’ve thought?”

Eventually, the 15-minutes had breezed through and Jin had obliterated the two hot dogs which thankfully gave you time to consume about 90% of the snow cone. “Here, you can have the rest.” Jin looked at you skeptical before realising you had already almost finished the snow cone. “You left me the flavourless, bottom part! I don’t want it.” “Well, that’s what you get for exploiting my kindness. Besides, I’m getting cold you take the rest.” You stretched out your hand towards him, holding the ice cone in place. “I don’t want it." “Just take it.” You taunted further, however, in an attempt to further dramatise his theatrics, Jin had wailed his arms around while complaining, accidentally hitting the snow cone out of your hands and onto your white top.

He winced silently, looking at you, infinitely colder with a large pink stain on your shirt. “I have no regrets.” He tried to hide his giggle but you took off your jacket, throwing at him while standing up to go to the bathroom. “You’re insufferable.” you muttered angrily but you failed at keeping a straight face, after all the situation was rather comical. However, on your way to the bathroom, you passed by the ring and while you were too invested in surveying the severity of the stain, Jungkook’s eyes had landed right on you.

Jungkook often looked back towards the exit because that was where his coach would stand, however, what was supposed to be a quick glance at his surroundings had completely thrown him off his game. Your face was one he could never forget, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Jungkook! Focus!” The command from his coach and a fist to his face had regained Jungkook’s consciousness and he hit back five times harder. In fact, seeing you had brewed a pot of hatred deep inside him, one that he had hoped to keep idle till the day he died. On your way back from the bathroom, your eyes locked with Jungkook’s and from the fury in his eyes and the ferocity of his expression, you knew he was well aware that you were there and evidently still wanted nothing to do with you.

“You look like you had a nose bleed.” You rolled your eyes at Jin who had almost forgotten about your entire existence in the 3 minutes you were gone. “You didn’t tell me the boxer was so fine. Now I know why you wanted to go.” Jin smirked at his comment, raising his eyebrows at you wickedly. However, instead of your comically irritated face, all Jin saw was uneasiness. “Hey are you okay? I’m sorry about the snow cone I didn’t mean to-” You snorted at his antics, your friendship with Jin was rarely sentimental which was why his heartfelt apology had felt so out of place. “I don’t care about the cone, moron and yes, I agree, he is very fine.” There was not a hint of insincerity in your statement but it did come out awkward, mainly because it was true but a part of you knew very well that you’d have to explain to Jin eventually. Especially if you were really planning on getting Jungkook to forgive you.

You spent the rest of the match seated watching quietly. You had to be honest, it left you uneasy. Every punch Jungkook took made you jump a little, every time he threw a punch you held your breath. To say that the entire experience was just pure discomfort would’ve been a severe understatement. You never wanted to attend one of these ever again.

“That wasn’t half bad, Y/N. Dare I say fun, even?” You elbowed him jokingly on your way out of the stadium. “Sure it was fun for you!! I am sticky and I smell like a watermelon starburst.” “You know what, that doesn’t sound half bad either.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Where did you even park the car Jin?” Jin dropped you off at the entrance promising to meet you once he found a place to park his precious car. “It’s a little far…” “Seriously? There are loads of perfectly good parking spots nearby!” “But, Y/N, Popo (yes, Jin named his car, its a Porsche) doesn’t appreciate being among commoners so I parked him at a restaurant nearby, just give me 5 minutes and I’ll bring him here, okay?” You nodded, still sporting a frown provoked by your best friend’s immature antics.

You leaned your shoulder against a wall on the side of the main building which had seemed like a good idea at the time. You were rather tired, even though you didn’t do much. Unfortunately, you hadn’t thought about why turning your back towards the dark abyss might have been problematic. To be frank, you never did think of potential risks in situations, so, when an arm touched your shoulder you were quick to assume the worst and elbow the person behind you.

“Ow! What the fuck, Y/N?” You winced at the familiar voice, of course this would be your first interaction with Jungkook in 6 years. “Oh shit. You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that!” You tried to defend yourself, tone still laced with guilt. There was a heavy pause that followed, one that allowed the tension to grow thicker. “What do you want?” A silence fell after his question to which you responded with a snicker. “What do I want? You approached me, Jeon.” It was a habit, calling him by his last name, one that seemed to only remind him of exactly why he hated you. “I know you’re only here for me so I’ll ask again, what do you want?” “That’s not very fair. What if I was actually a fan of boxing?” “Name one fighter from the season.” It was quiet, you used the awkward pause to properly focus on his face. He’d really grown into his features, arch nemesis or not, he still made you nervous. “Y-” “Don’t say me.” You sighed, defeated. “I said ‘what if’…” You trailed off into yet another awkward silence.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing,” you mumbled quietly, almost to the point where it was incoherent. It was true, though and you didn’t have any ill intentions. Jungkook didn’t buy it and you didn’t blame him. “Did you tell anyone?” “No, not yet at least. Jungkook your mother she-” “Not a word of this to anyone. It’s none of your business.” Your jaw dropped in astonishment, Jungkook was never nice to you but he had definitely changed. He was cold and harsh, things that you’d never associate with the sweet, Bambi-eyed boy from your childhood. “It’s not like you’re keeping a low profile. You’re on billboards, they’re going to find out.” “Yeah, well it won’t be from you.”

“Hey, Y/N!” You turned your neck around quickly at the sound of Jin’s voice, he was seated in his car waiting for you to join him. “I have to go but I’m telling your parents, they deserve to know that you’re alive.” He had his tongue poking through the inside of his cheek and looked at you with a burning ferocity. He cocked his head as if to tell you to go, and that you did. You began to walk away, his look of disappointment perpetually burned into your brain. The interaction left goosebumps on your skin and a look of discomfort that didn’t go unnoticed by Jin. “Who was that?” You mentally shook off all thoughts of Jungkook before shooting Jin a genuine smile. “Just some guy asking for directions, I am almost sure I led him the wrong way.”

The next time you saw Jungkook was unplanned, at least on your part. You were at work which was a more glamorous way of saying the campus library. It wasn’t fun but you needed the money and it paid well for a relatively low demand on labour. “Hey sexy.” You glared at the source of the irritating voice, Jensen, a guy from your ethics class who had an unruly goal to sleep with every girl in your cohort. “Jensen, lovely to see you.” You feigned a smile, sarcasm obvious in your tone but you didn’t care. He knew well enough that you weren’t his biggest fan.

You didn’t hate Jensen because of his promiscuous sex life, that was his business and you knew better than to make judgements on people based on something that superficial. No, you hated Jensen because of a group project during your first year where he had, unsurprisingly, done absolutely nothing. He went even further to harass your fellow group mate into doing his part for him.

A lot of people hated Jensen but he was disgustingly rich and therefore powerful. You were lucky you could afford to hate him, a lot of people weren’t allowed that luxury. So, you made it your life goal to ensure that Jensen would never, ever, get his way around you.

“I need a book.” “Thought so, you are at a library after all.” He rolled his eyes at your backhanded insults but didn’t move from his position on the bench. Leaning far too close for your comfort. “Picture books are over there.” You gestured when he hadn’t moved from the bench. “Funny, Y/N.” You gave him a sincere smile in response, his discomfort brought genuine joy to your heart. “Great Expectations, Dickens.” You cocked an eyebrow at him and his audacity. Your job was to scan library cards and shelve books, not help a grown ass man locate a book in a library. “It’s the book I need. Go get it.” You sighed in an attempt to calm the volcano of rage that was dangerously close to erupting. “It’s in the classics section, look for the letter D, you must be familiar with it considering your grades.” And with a swift middle finger to your face, Jensen had made his way to the classics section and away from you.

“He’s just so annoying! Who doesn’t know how to locate a book in a library? It’s not even that big.” Jin let out a hum in response which was a telltale sign that he was not listening whatsoever. You hit the back of his head lightly to which he gave you an offended look. “He’s pretty good looking you know.” You gave Jin a look of sheer disgust. There wasn’t much that could make you find someone truly disgusting but Jensen ticked all the boxes which therefore meant that no matter how conventionally attractive he may be, he was entirely hideous to you, inside and out.

“Anyways, while you were not so graciously ranting about your boring life, I got us both invited to the after party.” Jin’s proposal was met with a look of confusion. “What after party?” Your tone, now accusatory and skeptical had Jin feeling nervous. “Well, while you were trying to ring snow cone flavouring out of your shirt, I met this lovely guy named Namjoon who just so happens to be best friends with the boxer and he invited us both to the after party to celebrate Jungkook’s win.” You felt your heart jump to your throat. Suddenly feeling extremely nauseous. You excused yourself to the bathroom where you washed your face in a weak attempt to regain composure. Just the mention of his name was throwing you off. He had disappeared from your life for almost a third of it and it was difficult to accept that he was back.

Jin was perplexed, ever since the day you had asked him to attend the match with you, he would often catch you looking distracted at random times. You always played it off but he knew something was up, he just didn’t feel like forcing it out of you. “Sorry, I think there was something weird in that burrito.” You shivered at the thought of the food which had been tasty then but a genuine regret later. “It’s fine, anyways, I already RSVPd and these events are super hard to get into so we’re going, okay?” You nodded absentmindedly, as mentioned before, Jin was stubborn and there was no way to dig yourself out of this one unless you were willing to tell him the truth.

When in the comfort of your room, you spent an abnormal amount of time with your finger hovering above her contact awkwardly.

‘Mrs Jeon :D’

You couldn’t bring yourself to ring it and despite your better judgement, you decided not to. Something about Jungkook’s dejected expression told you that he needed his space and you owed him at least that much. However, in the solitude of your room, you were finally able to truly reflect on what had happened and what you were planning to do about it. You never admitted it out loud but you relied on Jungkook and despite the anger he’d put you through daily and his senseless pranks, you grew a soft spot for him, you grew fond of someone who hated you through and through under the premise that it was just a guise.

You’d deny it the moment it comes up but at one point, in fact during your sophomore year, before Jungkook ran away, you harboured stupid, pre-teen feelings for him. Sure they were menial and childish but he was your first real crush, dare you say your first love even. But this feeling which you had apprehensively allowed into your life had left you broken. It hurt that much more when he left. The feelings were forced to subside in his absence, although, in the comfort of your bed, it became harder to confirm whether they had ever subsided at all or just remained dormant in the corner of your heart, waiting for the chance to reignite again.

The next day Jin barged into your room at noon. “Get up loser, we’re going shopping.” You sat up from your starfish position on the bed to look at Jin as he leaned against your doorframe dramatically. “Why? We went shopping last week.” You groaned before flopping backwards onto your comfortable bed again. Jin wasn’t having it and therefore he yanked you out of bed and onto the floor. “I need a new outfit for the party and you do too. If I have to see you wear one of your outdated dresses or that stupid mini-skirt-” “That skirt has been through a lot with me, Jin! It holds sentimental value, not that you’d know anything about that, you sociopath.” You got up nonetheless and Jin knew he’d won the battle. You opened your closet, feeling a little insecure about your entire wardrobe thanks to Jin and decided you deserved some new clothes. Which was an entirely personal revelation, not in any way related to your brutally honest roommate.

You weren’t sure why Jin was so on edge about this party. You knew well enough that Jin liked to shop often but he had been nervously raking through his closet and trying different hair styles the entire week. “So, you like this Namjoon guy don’t you?” you teased with a quirk of your eyebrows. Jin scoffed in response letting out mumbles of astonishment. “You think I’m that easy?” “I think you’re a strong believer of love at first sight.” He shook his head instantly, opting not to say anything else. Ironically, the silence confirmed your suspicions; Jin was never speechless.

“Pinstripes or plain?” Jin was holding two ties up to his neck, alternating between the two. “I don’t think anyone wears ties to a house party, Jin.” He mocked you silently but put down the ties anyway. “How about this shirt?” You held up a white silk blouse that had a rather deep v-neck. “I’ll try it on.” You clapped giddily before continuing to peruse the racks of clothing. “So, what are you thinking of wearing?” You shrugged, a sound response which encapsulated the turmoil you were feeling inside, you had absolutely no idea what to wear. “Nothing? You always have opinions.” That was true, you’ve always liked clothing. Ever since you were a kid you always liked to experiment (which led to some rather horrendous family pictures) and you liked to think you grew into your hobby quite well. “Nope, I’ve got nothing.”

“What about this dress?” You glanced at the floral cocktail dress Jin was holding up, it was pretty but your severe allergy to flowers gave you shivers when you looked at it. “Maybe not…” After about 3 hours of inconspicuous shopping (trying to be financially responsible and all), you decided to head home. You ended up buying a rather simple black body con dress that you thought was appropriate, after all the last thing you needed was to attract attention. Jin went with the elegant silk blouse you picked out (you’re always right) and a pair of slacks. He looked great and if you were whoever the hell it was he was trying to impress, you’d be smitten.

On the night of the party, Jin screamed, “Y/N, you ready?” You scoffed at his shrill voice from your shared living room, where you had been (im)patiently waiting for him for the past 25 minutes. “I have been ready for the better part of an hour. Hurry up!” Jin rolled his eyes at your outburst because frankly, he didn’t care, he had a million other things to worry about like how he was going to keep up a conversation with Namjoon while knowing absolutely nothing about boxing. “Where’s the party anyway?” “Jungkook’s house, it’s huge by the way, I checked some places out in that neighbourhood last year.” You nodded absentmindedly, too occupied trying to calculate just how much being a boxer could possibly make you to pay attention to the fact that Jin was planning on moving out.

“That was the wrong turn, idiot! I said take the second left that was the third, no wonder you failed math.” Jin waved off your complaints, peaking at your phone which told him to make a U-turn. “I’m driving next time.” You were still on your learners but felt as though you could surely navigate better. “So you can drive 40 in a 60 zone and make us even later? No thanks.” You let out a huff of astonishment, maybe you were a little too careful sometimes but at least your driving record was clean. Jin couldn’t say the same. “Okay, where the hell do I park Popo? It’s packed!” You shrugged, unconcerned with Jin and his car. “I don’t know, there’s space down the street.” “Down the street?! Behind the Toyota are you insane?” “Whatever, I’m leaving.” You left the car with a shrug to which Jin groaned in annoyance.

“Name and ID.” Jungkook hired bouncers for his house party, bouncers, this man had to be insane. “Y/N L/N,” you replied with a smile that was not returned in any way whatsoever but you could guess that the man was tired so you tried not to take it to heart. You realised, when you had entered the extravagant house that you probably should’ve waited for Jin. You didn’t know a single person there and half of them looked like they bench pressed semi-trucks for a living. You weren’t sure how long you were standing near the entrance with a panicked gaze but it must’ve been a while because Jin had entered looking pissed. “Y/N, you will not believe how far I had to walk I- oh, there’s Namjoon, bye loser!”

Your mouth opened and closed like a fish for a bit, hand outstretched to in a failed attempt to stop him from abandoning you. “Asshat,” you cursed under your breath.

You spent the rest of the night alone, you grabbed a cup full of orange juice and a drop of alcohol because you wanted to pretend you could handle your alcohol by drinking a ‘mimosa’. You were bored out of your mind but you didn’t want to disturb Jin, by the looks of it, he had been hitting things off with that Namjoon guy he was interested in. You were genuinely happy for him.

Sipping 5 cups of orange juice for the better part of your night was not a good idea. You needed to pee.

Jungkook had made it very clear (not personally, you hadn’t seen him all night) that the second floor of his house was off limits. There were security standing at the entrance of the staircase. However, you never made it near the staircase until you felt an impending need to relieve your bladder which was unfortunately met with 4 occupied bathrooms. When you had reached the base of the stairs leading to the second floor, the security, who had been there for every second previous to your arrival, were busy helping an extremely drunk person to a seat and you had gone up in search of a bathroom.

All the doors were shut but that didn’t discourage you. You knocked and peered inside in desperation, careful because you knew what closed doors at a party meant. Eventually, after going past his study, (why did he even need a study?) his home gym and a bedroom, you found a children’s room. You were a major advocate for respect and privacy when in other people’s homes, however, this was Jungkook. Your extreme curiosity got the better of you. The room was empty, thankfully, that party was no environment for a child, however, it was the only room that was full of life. There were toys overflowing from a chest, a pink blanket on a messy bed (the one with the princess net at the top that every child wanted) and a picture framed on the wall with Jungkook and a little girl.

Your heart plummeted to your feet faster than the speed of light and suddenly, the need to evacuate your bladder was gone. The only urge you could register was the one to scream. Jungkook had a child. A child. Was he married? What else was he hiding? “What the fuck are you doing? second-floor’s off limits get- Y/N?” You turned around to see the man of the hour, both shocked and livid at his discovery. “You have a daughter?” Jungkook didn’t say anything in response, he grabbed your arm tightly and dragged you out of the room. His vice-like grip hurt, but you didn’t hold it against him. This was his kid, you’d be mad too.

“You need to stay the fuck away from me. Understood?” He seethed through gritted teeth but you could feel an anger of your own begin to simmer. “Jungkook, why are you pushing us away? Why are you pushing me away? I never did anything to you!” He scoffed, now letting go of your arm which was visibly red, he’d feel guilty about it later. “I don’t owe you shit, let alone an explanation so-” “You don’t know what it was like when you were gone. The least you could do is explain.” You cut him off and he was surprised at your confidence, you were definitely older.

“You really are clueless, huh?” The tension in the hallway had risen to an all time high but you weren’t budging. You crossed your hands across your chest and leaned against the wall to prove that you weren’t going anywhere. He was really about to unpack 9 years worth of emotional trauma. “Did you ever look at the family pictures, Y/N?” You nodded slowly, unsure what he was insinuating. “You were in the middle of all of them, hell even my family albums were full of you.” You didn’t really know what to say, Jungkook might have been right but you were a child, how could you have known better? “You can’t hold that against me I was like 10!”

“In middle school my parents never attended my football games but they were always at your orchestra recitals.” “I-” You tried to apologise but Jungkook wasn’t done. “In high school, I joined the dance team and won a state title, but that didn’t matter because you won a chess tournament. My entire childhood was spent trying to escape your shadow. Forgive me if I don’t want that kind of life for my kid.” You didn’t reply, there were tears in your eyes but you refused to let them fall. Jungkook always had a sharp tongue, the sarcasm dripped from his every word.

While the shock of the fact that Jungkook was a father began settling in, he took the opportunity to walk away but you were quick to stop him. Same grip on his arm, but much softer. “I’m sorry, Jungkook, I really am. It was never my intention to make you feel that way.” Jungkook heard the break in your voice and the quiet sniffles, he assumed you were crying but turning around could have risked the last of his self-control. “I’m trying to make this right, I promise.” Jungkook slipped out of your grasp and continued on his way, not sparing you a second glance.

The drive back home with Jin was silent.

To say you were shocked would have been a severe understatement and everyone around you noticed. Jin had picked up on your quietness around the apartment, Jensen had noticed your lack of snarky comebacks; even the lady who sells the most delicious cinnamon rolls across the street picked up on your absence. You weren’t necessarily doing a good job at hiding your inability to cope with the news and Jin had found your change in demeanour extremely concerning. He’d complained about it to Namjoon who, while completely aware about the situation, relayed the information onto an uncaring Jungkook. Namjoon felt bad lying to Jin, but it wasn’t his business.

You stayed true to your word and didn’t tell anyone about his, predicament, for lack of a better word. You did a lot of snooping but Jungkook had done an insanely great job of hiding his child from the media, you assumed that was for the best. The picture of her was engraved in your head, you could vividly recall her smile because it was so much like his. You hoped she was happy and that he was well, it wasn’t like he had much familial support.

After two weeks, when your mind was just starting to evict its unwanted resident, a phone call from an unsaved number had startled you. “Hello?” You questioned suspiciously, people rarely ever called you so your hesitance was justified. However, no matter how cautiously you approached the phone call, nothing could’ve prepared you for the question on the other side. “Are you serious about wanting to make things right?”

“She’s not allergic to anything but she’s not a fan of spicy food. Bedtime’s 7pm, 8pm latest otherwise she won’t sleep all night. Her bath time is usually around 6pm but I’ll hopefully be home by then. Oh and one more thing, if I’m back really late, feel free to take one of the guest rooms. All clear?” You nodded dutifully, after all you were literally taking notes.

Jungkook had called you in a spur of the moment decision to ask you to babysit his daughter. It went against all of his better judgement but his second qualifying match had been pushed forward due to a change in the semi-finals dates and his usual babysitter couldn’t help on such short notice. His closest friend was his manager (Namjoon) and everyone else he trusted had lives of their own to tend to. You seemed like the best viable option (not that there were many options to begin with, Jungkook kept his circle close) so Jungkook called you with a proposal of peace in exchange of a favour. You agreed a little too quickly over the phone with an excited tone that almost made Jungkook smile. Almost.

“You got it.” You added a playful salute for comedic relief but Jungkook didn’t seem impressed. He gave his daughter a long kiss on the cheek and a hug, falling to his knees to properly hold the toddler. For the first time in a long time, that old Jungkook with the Bambi eyes overflowing with compassion had made an appearance, it was fleeting, but it was nice to know that he was still in there. “Bye baby, I’ll be home soon, okay?” She smiled and waved at him, giving him a thumbs up for good measure. You could already tell she was extremely mature for a 4-year-old. “Bye bye, daddy! Be safe.” Hesitantly, Jungkook left his house, still apprehensive about his choice to leave his daughter with you.

But, you had been together longer than you had been apart, and while Jungkook hated you, you technically never did anything wrong (partially the reason why he couldn’t stand you). He wanted to genuinely give you a chance. Jungkook tried to physically shake away his thoughts, after all, this was the least prepared he ever was for a match and it was detrimental to his career. He needed to focus. “Don’t stress, Jeon. You’ve got this in the bag.” Namjoon reassured him at the sight of his visible discomfort. He wanted the best for his daughter and if that meant doing the only thing he was good at, he would do it.

“So, your name’s Kyomi, right? My name is Y/N.” You outstretched a hand to the toddler, she eyed it skeptically which you couldn’t help but find unusually adorable. Eventually, she took your comparatively giant hand in hers, shaking it with all her might. “My name means pure and beautiful, what does yours mean?” You looked at her with a blank gaze, blinking absently. Your name didn’t have a meaning. Were 4 year olds supposed to talk this much? “Oh um, I don’t think my name has a meaning…” You trailed off, weirdly embarrassed over something you had never even thought about. “That’s okay, I can give you one later!” She beamed and you could have sworn that your heart skipped a beat.

“Can we have McDonald’s?” She questioned sheepishly, stumbling over the franchise name. While you definitely wanted to agree with her and invest in some nuggets, you really needed this to go well so you raided Jungkook’s fridge for the leftovers he told you to feed her instead. “Sorry ‘Mi, you’re having kimbap, father’s orders.” She shrugged, seemingly unfazed by the rejection. She seriously had more self-control than most of the adults you knew. You expected no less from Jungkook’s child. “Do you want some?” She questioned, holding out a piece to you. You shook your head declining her offer as politely as possible.

“Are you sure you want to watch Tangled, Spongebob movie’s right there-” She nodded confidently and you sighed in defeat. She was too adorable to disappoint, you could see why Jungkook had given her that name, it suited her well. “Why does the horse chase him?” “Because he stole the crown?” “Why did he steal the crown?” “Because he wanted money.” “So he won’t even wear it? What a waste.” You giggled, however the girl had been entirely serious so you stifled the laugh in hopes of not offending her.

Eventually, it had hit 7pm and while you had hoped Jungkook would’ve been home, he wasn’t. You helped her change into pyjamas and brush her teeth deciding that Jungkook could give her a bath the next day. “Kind and silly,” she whispered as she began drifting to sleep in her bed, you next to her. “Sorry?” you replied unsure what those words were supposed to mean. “That’s what your name means.” You couldn’t contain your smile and while you wanted her to humour your ego longer, she needed sleep and once she was finally deep in slumber, you left her room. You decided to wait downstairs for Jungkook, he had to be home soon and you desperately wanted to go home. You didn’t think you could handle an awkward morning with him.

When Jungkook had finally returned, it had been almost 11pm and he hadn’t expected to see you passed out on the couch, Peppa pig playing on the TV. He laughed at the scene quietly, so as not to wake you but his efforts were futile. You always were a light sleeper. “Oh, you’re home!” You said excitedly, well, as excitedly as someone could be while rubbing the sleepiness away from their eyes. “Yeah, sorry I was late. Interviews ran over schedule.” “I take it you won?” He nodded, making his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. “You want me to take you home?” The question was void of emotion which made it sound like a burden and it probably was, which was totally fine. You checked your phone for the time, it was far too late to catch the bus. “It’s fine, I’ll call a cab.” “Okay, goodnight.” And with that Jungkook made his ascent up the stairs.

You watched him for a bit before standing up, stretching for the laborious task of calling a cab. “Oh and Y/N?” “Hmm?” You turned back around to face him and he gave you a small but genuine smile. “Thank you.” You gave him a smile back that was far wider than his. “Anytime.” And you meant it, you genuinely enjoyed spending time with Kyomi.

Unfortunately, Jungkook had taken your offer at the worst possible time. About a week after your spontaneous babysitting, you had caught a cold. With the seasons changing and the weather getting colder, you knew it was probably inevitable but you still hated it all the same. While you did your best to complete your course work through the burden of sickness, eventually you realised it was a bottomless pit of assignments and you’d much rather fail than conform to the unrealistic goals of college professors. Jin offered to take care of you like any good friend would but you foolishly rejected thinking you could handle yourself. You couldn’t. Even making coffee was a struggle.

Your nap was rudely disrupted by a phone call. You awoke from your slumber sluggishly, patting around your bed for the phone. “Jensen, for the last time I can’t help you if you lost a library book just pay the damn fee!” You angrily exclaimed into the phone, almost positive that the man on the other side was the guy who had called at least 3 times in the last hour. “Uhhh, it’s Jungkook.” The line felt silent as you checked the contact to see a private number and not Jensen. “Well, that’s embarrassing.” He hummed in response.

“So, I need you to watch Kyomi again, please.” “Another match this fast?” “No, I’m meeting someone.” “Oh…” It was in that very moment that you had realised that your feelings for Jungkook never entirely dissipated because you felt the familiar sting of jealousy in your chest, the one you'd learned to grow accustomed to all those years ago. You weren’t even sure if he was meeting that kind of someone, but it affected you all the same. “I’m really sorry but I’m sick.” Jungkook could hear it in your voice before you admitted it and he would’ve been lying if he had said he wasn’t concerned. “You alright?” You nodded, before foolishly realising that he couldn’t see you, rookie mistake. “Yeah I’m fine, it’s just a cold.” “Is anyone home with you?” He asked and you scoffed, followed by a loud coughing fit which definitely didn’t assist you in proving your point. “Jungkook, I’m 20-years-old. I don’t need someone to take care of me.” “I’m coming over.” And before you could even protest, the line was dead and you were in a state of frenzy.

You did your best to clean whatever you could, thankfully, being meticulous about your living area was useful in the off chance of spontaneous visitors. You couldn’t say the same about Jin’s room but that was why doors existed. Just when you had finished folding the designated couch blanket, a knock had startled you. You’d assumed he’d gotten your address the same way he got your number; through Namjoon who often visited for his boyfriend, Jin. You opened the door, uncaring about your sickly appearance. This man had seen you at your worst (pre-puberty) and there was no coming back from that. “You look horrible.” You rolled your eyes at his bluntness but moved away to let him in nonetheless. “Well, hello to you too!” You sarcastically whispered under your breath, but he caught it anyway. Of course he had superhuman hearing. “What was that?” he quirked playfully, raising his eyebrow in response. You didn’t bother to repeat it.

“I brought soup and medicine, wasn’t sure if you had any.” To be completely frank, you weren’t even aware there were medicines for colds. Was the normal procedure not to just let them pass? “Thanks. Where’s Kyomi, is she okay?” Jungkook found your genuine concern for his daughter heart-warming, he had seen a lot of people pretend to care about her to get closer to him and it hurt to say the least. He was still learning how to filter out the insincerity but that was a step in the right direction. “She’s hanging out with Namjoon and your roommate, I crashed their date before coming here.” You nodded understandingly before reaching for the container of soup. Fuck modesty, you were starving.

“You know, Jungkook…this doesn’t taste that bad?” Jungkook gave you an all-knowing look, as if what you had told him was a fact written in stone. “Big improvement from when you set a chicken on fire in the microwave.” Jungkook’s jaw dropped in offence but he was quick to jump to his defence. “Alright, no one told me aluminium was flammable.” “It’s a metal, Jeon. What did you think it would do?” Jungkook flicked your forehead lightly over the counter and for a second, you felt as if you were 8 again, fighting over toy cars for the sake of it. “You should probably keep a distance, Namjoon might kill me if you get sick.” He nodded in agreement and you felt your heartbeat slow at that. If you could keep him at a distance, you’d be fine. That weird philosopher that muttered ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ would have to suck it because you needed to be right.

Falling for Jungkook all over again may be a fall you can’t recover from.

“Your fridge is filled with mineral water and flavoured milk. This can’t be sustainable.” You groaned, from your seat on the kitchen island, you just wanted to enjoy the soup guilt free. “If I wanted a nutritionist, I would’ve asked for one.” Jungkook didn’t reply, merely grabbed a bottle of mineral water and chugged half the thing in one gulp. “So, who were you meeting today?” You knew exactly how you sounded. Jealous, desperate, lonely. But you didn’t care, a huge part of who you were was being far too curious for your own good, you were infamous for that. “A woman.” You didn’t prod further. Getting Jungkook to let you into his home and meet his daughter (even if it was just as a makeshift babysitter) was more than enough for you and pushing your luck wouldn’t be a smart decision.

“What about you?” He questioned warily, tone apprehensive as if he was dipping his toes into icy water. “Hmm?” You were too invested in consuming the last of the soup to find an answer for his question. “You seeing anyone?” The spoon slipped from your hand onto the metal bowl with an uncomfortable clank. “No, I haven’t had the time and all the men I’ve met suck.” That was half true, you tried to date but something always went wrong before things could become official. You didn’t put out in a ‘reasonable’ time frame, you couldn’t allocate enough time to spend with them, you were too young, too inexperienced, too focused on school, not focused enough. There was always fault on your part and it encouraged you to simply give up. You’d have been a fool not to take the signs the universe was hurling at you.

“Even Jensen?” You laughed obnoxiously at the mention of the man you purchased an entire death note for. “Especially Jensen.”

When you were finally in the comfort of your bed again, you couldn’t sleep. Not when Jungkook was seated on a chair next to you with his hand on your head. “You have a bit of a fever.” He spoke softly, noticing the way your eyelids were heavy on your eyes. You made an effort to respond to him. “I’ll be fine. I ate, I took medicine, this is already more than I’ve ever done to treat a cold. My immune system’s probably throwing a party.” Jungkook chuckled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He couldn’t help but worry. It might’ve been because Jungkook was used to being a worried caregiver, or maybe it was because he always felt responsible for you when you were younger. “I’ll stay till your fever goes down and then I’ll get out of your hair, I promise.” You hummed in approval, too tired to do much else and from that point forward things began to deescalate.

Your fever went down and your breathing was smoother, there was nothing more that Jungkook could wait for and yet he did. He stayed in the uncomfortable chair for far longer than he should’ve, as if your sickly pale, sleeping face was the most interesting thing in the cosmos. “I’m sorry.” He muttered under his breath to no-one in particular though unconsciously he knew it was for you. You grew into your features well and maybe it was just the sickness but you seemed so tired, too tired for your age.

Every time Jungkook purchased a new phone, he made sure to use the same sim card so that he could keep his number. He never told you but he read all of your tangents, even when you stopped thinking he received them. Jungkook’s guilt, that had accumulated with every message had been masked by his misplaced anger, began to subside the night after you watched his daughter. Eventually, it all came crashing down onto him like a roof no longer supported by the pillars of his poor judgement. Jungkook shattered his phone during practice a year ago and couldn’t recover the SIM card and the guilt which was now at the forefront of his mind had him feeling responsible for ruining your childhood, even though he deemed you the sole conspirator for the tragedy that was his.

“Jungkook?” Your groggy voice pulled him out of his misery and he was quick to react. “I’m here.” He took your hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze although he realised soon enough that it was not what you were hoping for. "Go home, loser! I can take care of myself.” You swatted him away with no real intention of harming him though in your weak state he doubted you could if you wanted to. Jungkook knew you didn't need him because you didn’t just take care of yourself, you took care of his brother when he was on the grim edge of suicide, you took care of his parents when his absence was too powerful for them to cope with and you took care of your broken home, shuffling between two estates like a care package. Jungkook knew you could take care of yourself, he just wanted to make up for making you take care of his mess too. “Okay, okay, I’m going.” And with that he stood, feeling a small ache in his muscles from being seated for so long.

“Wait!” He was barely outside of your room before you called him again. “If it’s not too much trouble, you should come back with more soup.” Jungkook continued on his way, shaking his head in disappointment but chuckling nonetheless. You sighed when he left, weirdly enough you felt like you were on eggshells with him, as if he was always one mistake away from disappearing again. Disturbing your 15-minutes of solitude, Jin had returned from his date which you had unintentionally crashed, you would never hear the end of it. “You bitch. I had to share my date with a four-year-old because of you. And I’m cute okay but not cute enough to top a child, Y/N. You’re such a fucking cock-blocker, I'm never forgetting this.” And just like that, your piercing headache was back.

“I don’t get it, Kyomi. You were fine with Y/N last week?” Jungkook felt like tearing his hair out of his scalp, despite his four years of experience, parenting wasn’t getting any easier. There were new hurdles hiding in the corner of every milestone, new triumphs came interlaced with new battles that hid behind the fleeting glory. “I miss Suzy!” Suzy was Kyomi’s old babysitter who Jungkook decided to forego because you offered to babysit his daughter for free and money didn't grown on trees. However, it felt like a mistake when he was on the receiving end of his daughter’s temper tantrum. She was normally level-headed but she was a child after all and it wasn’t her fault Jungkook barely knew what he was doing. “I know, baby, but she was going to have to leave eventually.” It was weird, trying to explain the issues with attachment to a four-year-old when he didn’t quite understand them himself. Jungkook had never been on the side of those left behind, after all he was a master at running away. “I. Want. Suzy!” Kyomi began to scream and stomp her feet they way four-year-olds do when they don't get their way and Jungkook needed to get to training so he caved, even though he knew he shouldn’t have. “Fine, I’ll call Suzy but this is your last day with her, understood?” She nodded with a tear-stained face and Jungkook knew very well he’d have to fix this mess later but he couldn’t afford not to humor her in that moment.

Thankfully, Suzy was free and understanding, despite being a college student, she tried her best to make time for Kyomi and Jungkook truly appreciated it which he thought he conveyed well through her hefty pay check. “I’ll be back before 8. Sorry, again.” Jungkook began to explain the second he opened the door but she was quick to wave him off. “It’s no biggie, I love watching her. She’s such an angel.” Jungkook scoffed at the irony but had no time to explain, hauling his ass out of the building with his gym bag hanging from his shoulder.

Something he’d forgotten to do in the midst of the chaos was call you and let you know that he’d no longer be needing your assistance which left you with quite a shock when a girl, barely older than you, had opened the door to his house. “Sorry I’m late I- Oh…is Jungkook here?” She shook her head, her beautifully styled curtain bangs framed her perfectly symmetrical face elegantly. “He said he’d be back around 8, I’m Suzy, his babysitter, would you like me to let him know you stopped by?” She gave you a warm, genuine smile which you found hard to reciprocate. Jungkook just had to find the most beautiful and seemingly kind babysitter there was to replace you without notice. “No, it’s fine but thanks for letting me know.” You left with whatever fraction of dignity you had left and a promise to have some words with Jungkook.

You did something wrong. You must have. Why else would Jungkook hire someone else when you were willing to watch his adorably sassy daughter for no charge? You kicked a stone on your way out of his driveway which was heavier than it looked. You winced, hopping to relieve the stress on the toe you had unintentionally stubbed. It only soured your mood even more, pushing you to send a strongly worded text message on your way to the bus stop because you had ordered an uber there and could not afford to splurge on one back. Being financially independent was harder when you didn’t have a car.

To: Jungkook

I don’t know why you felt the need to replace me but you could have at least said something instead of making me go all the way to your house only to humiliate myself because you already had someone watching Kyomi. That was a dick move. 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡

Delivered 17:43

You hoped the angry faces didn’t undermine your argument because immediately after sending, you realised they made your message look rather childish. But, there was no time to dwell on your texting mannerisms. You had dark brooding to do in the comfort of your home where you would rant Jin’s ears off.

Jungkook read your message during his water break and felt his levels of frustration reach an all-time high as he tried to inhale an entire litre of water in one gulp. “Jeon, get back here let’s work on your hooks!” His coach was also mad at him, but that he could deal with by following his rigid instructions, which meant putting down his phone without formulating a response to your angry proclamation which, to no surprise, only made you angrier.

Read 19:02

After checking your phone and realising he had read the message without responding you decided it was official. You hated him. After allowing the anger (and jealousy) to fester, you had officially decided you despised Jungkook. Not only did he read your message and not respond but Jin was not home to receive your venting, leaving you alone to handle your emotions alone without a figurative punching bag (or even a literal one, you weren't picky). While you had breezed through academics like a race car driver who’s rent was due, emotional intelligence was not something you could streamline but most of the time you could handle things maturely.

This was not one of those times.

Jungkook had called you around 8:30pm, but you didn’t bother answering. The silent treatment was both a petty and effective way to convey your discontentment. On the other hand, Jungkook was about one push away from a meltdown and really needed you to pick up. “Thanks for helping me get her into bed, Suzy. You’re an angel.” Jungkook may have been exaggerating but he meant every word, there was exhaustion seeping from every crevice in his body. “I don’t mind, I like her. You look really tired, let me make you some tea.” Suzy was a natural caretaker, when someone needed help she offered it and Jungkook was in no position to deny any help.

“She threw a tantrum for you, you know. I’m gonna need you to start sucking at your job a little before she forces me into making you my wife.” Jungkook was joking, he knew that, Suzy knew that and yet she still let her mind dwell, heat rushing to her cheeks at the comment. “Would that be so bad?” Jungkook didn’t answer. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t find him attractive, and if this really was the last time she’d be babysitting Kyomi, then making a move wouldn’t be unprofessional, right? “Here you go.” She set the mug on the coffee table in front of the couch where Jungkook was sitting, or slumping, more accurately. When she walked around to the back of the couch, Jungkook assumed she was getting ready to leave but he hadn't seen her walk towards the door. She stood behind Jungkook's couch, feet moving back and forth as she pondered whether or not she should confess. She decided against it in the very last minute, too afraid of being rejected. "Good luck, Mr Jeon. Thank you for everything." She left with a self-indulgent peck to his cheek and Jungkook had unknowingly upset yet another woman in his life.

“You should call him back.” Jin, being the ever-so wise man he was had been pestering you about the phone call you ignored. “What if he needs you?” You continued to focus on your paper for ethics, it was a bad idea to write about philosophy when angry but you needed it done and the hate fuel was pushing out 30 words per minute. “He has Suzy.” You mumbled under your breath in a spiteful tone, Jin held back the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re jealous of his babysitter? You’re down bad, Y/N. Real bad.” You scoffed in astonishment at his insinuation. “Am not.” “Are to.” “Am not.” “Are to.” “Am not.” “Then call him back.” You walked right into that one. “Fine.” You grabbed your phone with a brute force unparalleled by anything else on this earth. You were livid about being strong-armed into calling him back and even madder that Jin had been absolutely right. You were down bad.

You held the phone to your ear, essay long since forgotten and Jin out of the room in hopes that giving you privacy would calm you down. It did. “Hello, Y/N?” You were quiet on the other line. Every ounce of rage you had accumulated over the evening had evaporated at the sound of his soft, tired voice. You felt bad, even. “Hi.” Your voice was small, breathing even smaller but still audible and Jungkook could almost sense the hostility dissipate with every exhale. “I’m sorry for not calling you it just slipped my mind, honestly. Kyomi threw a tantrum about how she wanted to see her old babysitter again and I just couldn’t handle it. I’m really sorry, Y/N.” God, you felt like such an asshole for immediately assuming the worst. Jungkook was a grown man with genuine problems that you couldn’t even fathom having. You needed to be more considerate.

“I’m sorry too. I reacted immaturely, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt next time.” Jungkook felt the corners of his mouth move into a smile at the sound of a ‘next time’. Weirdly enough, spending time with you didn’t seem like the worst possible thing anymore. “I’m free tomorrow, how about I take you out to lunch to make up for the strenuous journey from your place to mine.” He was mocking you, but with such a kind preposition you couldn’t bring yourself to care. With a radiant smile that you were so glad he couldn’t see, you responded as monotonously as you possibly could. “Yeah, sure I guess.” Macho, real smooth. “Oh! Please bring Kyomi!” And with that shrill request, your tough exterior came crumbling down faster than your brain could process it. “I’m sure she’d love that.”

Jungkook wasn’t sure if he could call that lunch a date but he was unconsciously treating it like one. He spent far too long picking out an outfit and even longer on his hair. He thought about tying it up but felt it was too intimidating and yet having it down felt too informal. In a true dilemma, he had entirely forgotten about getting his daughter ready too. In a rush, Jungkook haphazardly threw together a cohesive outfit and almost symmetrical pigtails but Kyomi was cute no matter what, she wasn’t the one with the problem. “Bub, do you think daddy looks better with his hair up or down?” Asking for advice from his 4-year-old daughter was about as low as Jungkook was willing to stoop, but if anyone knew him well, it was her. “Down. I can pull on it then!” She giggled, her advice entirely unhelpful in the long run, although the visual of you pulling his hair in an entirely different context had seemed enticing. Focus, Jeon. This is not a date. But it sure as hell felt like one.

And you weren’t doing much better, in fact, one could say that you were doing worse. “Jin, is this dress too much? I think it’s too much? Oh god, you think it's too much too!” A hot mess would be a severe understatement, Jin hadn’t seen you this rattled since your first ever mock trial and those were grim, grim, times. “Y/N, calm down. How about that cute white skirt you have? I think it’ll pair nicely with your pink crop top.” Jin did a good job at guiding you through the first crisis, but hair and makeup was an entirely different battlefield. “Go natural.” “What if I’m ugly natural?” Jin groaned, you weren’t even trying to be modest, this was a genuine concern. “You’re beautiful okay, stop overthinking you’re making us both stressed.” “You’re right, this probably isn’t even a date.” Jin sighed in frustration, he couldn’t win with you. “He asked you out to lunch. It would’ve been the perfect date if you didn’t drag his daughter along. Are you sabotaging this, do you still think you’re undeserving of love?” There was a lot to unpack in that sentence and Jin realised he went too far when you began to spiral. “Bad joke, I’m sorry. Look, you’ve spent time with him before without short-circuiting. You can do it again.” You just needed to remember that.

“I’m so sorry for being late!” You crashed into the booth Jungkook was in, barely missing the corner of the table as you tried to catch your breath. “It’s fine.” His lighthearted chuckle supported his statement but you still felt bad, even if it was just 10 minutes, it was not a very good impression. “Y/N!” Kyomi exclaimed from her seat next to her dad, she was cute and despite her betrayal (choosing Suzy over you </3 ), you couldn’t even hold it against her. “Hey cutie! I love your pigtails.” She giggled as you reached over to play with them. “Daddy did them for me.” Jungkook had a smug smile, shrugging to emphasise his apparent finesse. “I can tell.” Your sarcasm was met with an offended gasp but Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to feign offence when you were laughing so ecstatically. You always had a beautiful smile, he was glad he didn’t ruin that.

It was quiet for a while until Jungkook spoke up. “So, um- how’s Junghyun?” You lowered the menu to look at Jungkook who was deflecting eye contact by keeping his eyes trained on the list of specials. This was the first time he ever brought his family up, you tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “He’s doing well actually, trying to start his own graphic design business. He’s engaged too, I haven’t met her yet though.” Jungkook tried not to let his relief show, but there was a weight on his shoulders ever since you told him Junghyun wasn’t doing well emotionally 4 years ago. He felt 200 pounds lighter. “Has he- Uh, When’s the wedding?” It wasn’t hard to see that Jungkook was struggling, after all not seeing your family for 6 years only to hear about them thriving without you was a hard pill to swallow. He was happy for his older brother, truly, but he kind of wished you had said that he missed him miserably. It was selfish, but he couldn’t help it. “Hasn’t set a date yet but you’re on the guest list, you know?” Your voice was soft, you were testing the waters, afraid to say something wrong. Jungkook’s knuckles were turning white from his iron grip on the menu. Evidently, even Kyomi could sense the tension. “I want ice cream.”

After a substantial amount of convincing and a promise for ice cream in the near future, Kyomi caved into getting an actual lunch instead of dessert. She had settled on a kids meal which consisted of a mini burger, fries and a juice pop. Frankly, you were quite jealous, you wanted a juice pop too. “Schnitzel for the lady. Steak for dad. How’s the meal kiddo?” Your waiter had been quite perky, he was probably your age, maybe younger but had a contagious smile and a likeable personality. Kyomi responded with a cute smile and a thumbs up, she knew not to speak while she was eating. Jungkook should write a parenting book.

“So, how have you been?” You were two bites into your schnitzel when you choked. “Shit, Y/N, chew.” You glared at him while drinking the water he’d thrusted into your hand. “Bad word, daddy!” You watched as Kyomi gave Jungkook’s bicep a playful punch. Your attempt not to laugh was a feeble one. “Should I learn the heimlich before I ask the next question?” “Funny, Jeon. Actually, I’ve been okay. I’m trying to be financially independent so I got a job at the campus library but my parents still pay my rent so its kind of counterproductive.” Jungkook gave you a skeptical look, one that ensued judgement. “Okay before you judge!! Rent is expensive and with a blackhole of a roommate like Jin, groceries literally take up half my pay cheque.” He held his hands up in defeat as he chewed through a mouthful of his medium-rare steak.

“Trust me, I know how expensive living alone can cost.” Jungkook didn’t mean to bring up his past or make you feel guilty for relying on your parents but he had done just that in one mere sentence and the tension thickened to the point of borderline tangibility. “I really am sorry you had to do that, Jungkook. But look at how well you’re doing.” You took his hand into yours and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You’re like carbon, you’re the strongest under pressure.” “You just had to slip a chemistry analogy in didn’t you? Nerd.” You snatched your hand away with an angry huff and Jungkook couldn’t say he didn’t miss your soft grip. “Way to ruin the moment.” You bitterly began to cut at your schnitzel again while Jungkook’s devious laughter filled the silence. It wasn’t until Kyomi innocently joined in that you felt true offence.

After you had finished your satisfying meals (although you did have to force Jungkook to help you finish your fries) Kyomi, who seemed immune to the exhaustion of eating, had demanded to be taken to the nearby park and who were you to deny her? Seated on a nice patch of grass under a tree, you watched as Kyomi played on the playground. Jungkook let you sit on his jacket because you were worried about your skirt getting dirty, perhaps chivalry wasn’t dead? “I regret wearing a skirt. I’m sorry about your jacket.” You were staring up at the sky through the breaks in the tree’s canopy as you spoke, Jungkook had his eyes trained on his daughter.

“Skirt’s cute.” When you turned to look at Jungkook, you weren’t surprised to see a stoic expression but you felt the blush creep up at his compliment anyway. “Thanks, I like your ripped jeans, they scream ‘millennial desperate to relate to the youngsters’” Jungkook’s scoff at your brutal backhanded compliment was loud and aggressive, he even broke concentration on his daughter for a split second to send a fierce glare your way. “Never complimenting you again.” You pouted jokingly, batting your eyelashes at him for comedic effect. “Oh, come on, I said I liked the jeans!” Jungkook’s hand moved to squeeze your face on impulse, by the time he thought to stop it, it was too late. “You’re trouble, Y/N, what happened to the good girl I knew 6 years ago?” The butterflies that had been dormant in your stomach for far too long had suddenly began flying with newly established speed. You stuck your tongue out at him after he let go of your cheeks to distract yourself from your newfound urge to jump him. Was he always that alluring?

“Daddy!” Kyomi had bombarded Jungkook’s lap with a force only a 4-year-old could possess. “Oof- what’s wrong, sweetheart?” She pointed to a small poodle who was walking through the park on a leash next to an old woman. “I want to pet it but I’m too scared to ask.” Jungkook groaned, head lulling backwards tiredly, the poodle was pretty far and he really didn’t want to get up. “I’ll take her?” Kyomi looked at you with hopeful eyes and Jungkook quickly nodded, the dog looked harmless anyway. “Come on, let’s go.” You held your hand out for Kyomi to take but she was far too excited to merely hold your hand, she dragged you forwards quickly, breaking out into a sprint towards the white fluff ball.

Jungkook watched you from a distance, glad he had someone to help when he was too prideful to ask. You had a weird intuition, some kind of radar for when Jungkook needed assistance. Like a spidey-sense, for a lack of better a word. Seeing Kyomi happy, genuinely happy, with you made his heart clench in his chest painfully. He knew whatever you both had was temporary, you’d eventually leave. At the end of the day it was just Kyomi and him. They only had each other and Jungkook couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t enough. “Daddy, daddy! She was so soft and her name was Miri and she was 4 years old! Just like me!” Jungkook made room in-between his legs for his bubbling daughter, like this he was at eye-level with her and could see the way her dimples grew when she smiled up close. Jungkook never thought he could love someone as much as he loved her but then again there were a lot of things in Jungkook’s life that he never knew were possible. Like reconciling with you, for example, or the spontaneous urge to kiss you in that very moment.

When Kyomi had returned to the playground, Jungkook couldn’t help but look at you gratefully, conveying the ‘thank you’ on the tip of his tongue. He was surprised when you moved to lay down, head on his leg which had been stretched out as he leaned back against a tree. When Jungkook hadn’t pushed you away, you took it as a sign to alleviate the awkward tension. “You should trim your nose hairs.” He looked down at you, hand grazing against his nose. “I already do? You know what let me see yours.” In attempt at being playful, Jungkook unconsciously positioned his face far too close to yours and you felt your heart rate soar exponentially as you giggled, trying to hide your nose from his prying eyes. Eventually he stopped to look at you and it felt like time stopped too, but before he could even think about inching closer, you pushed him away. You had to keep him at a distance if you didn’t want to get attached. “My nose hairs have nothing to do with your’s old man.” Jungkook couldn’t fight the smile plastered on his face.

“You’re fucked.” Namjoon stated, holding up pads that Jungkook was punching into for warm-ups. “I’m not, it was probably just the fact that I haven’t gotten laid in a few months.” Jungkook regretted telling Namjoon about the weird feeling in his chest because the wise man had immediately assumed the worst. Love. “Then get laid, I assure you, you’ll still wanna kiss her.” Namjoon was joking, he knew that, but he couldn’t help but feel as if there was some truth to his words. All he needed was a one night stand to rid himself of the intrusive thoughts. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready. Every sexual experience after her had been hard, he had a constant fear in his mind that something would fail and he’d end up like he did 4 years ago; alone, confused and too young to be a father.

“Head in the game, Jeon. Your punches are distracted.” Jungkook didn’t even hear his coach come in which only solidified the man’s concerns. “You okay? You’ve been off lately and if something’s wrong we need to fix it before the semis.” In all honesty, a lot was wrong. Jungkook hated boxing, he liked the adrenalin but the fear that one day he may not come back to his daughter had him panicking every time he put the gloves on. Jungkook hated being alone too, but he grew accustomed to it and somehow the idea of you changing that made him sick to his stomach. Jungkook hated his family. Or at least that was what he told himself when he found himself thinking about his brother or his parents. So yeah, a lot was wrong but all Jungkook could fathom was a bleak ‘I’m fine’ as he stepped down to get ready for his actual training.

“You’re improving, and you have a real shot at winning this, Jungkook, I’d hate to see you throw it all away for whatever bullshit’s bothering you.” Jungkook couldn’t blame his coach for his word choice, the man was 38 and single and with Jungkook being 24, the idea of him having a kid had never slipped his mind. He couldn’t blame him for not considering things he didn’t know about but he sure as hell wanted to. “I don’t want to box anymore.” It was quiet, hushed and apprehensive. The words felt heavy on his tongue and for a second, he thought his coach didn’t hear them. “I know, I’ve known for a while actually, you’re not as happy when you win anymore and look, I get it, it’s scary, it’s hard and it’s demanding but if you win the title, you’ll be set for life. Then you can retire and never lift a finger again.”

Jungkook had put his blood, sweat and tears into giving Kyomi a good life. He bought a large house with more room then he could ever know what to do with, he set up a savings account that put more to her 4-year-old name than most adults he knew and he didn’t cheap out on insurance; property, car, contents, life, health, optical. You name it, he’s probably got it. But the thought of doing something better, having more to give her, was enough for Jungkook to push his doubts behind and accept another match. He would do anything for his daughter, and if that meant risking his life a few more times he could handle it.

“Okay, but after this season’s over I’m out. I mean it.” Jungkook’s coach merely smiled at him, gave him a strong pat on the back and muttered ‘good lad’ under his breath. Weirdly enough, he considered him the father figure he never had. After all, he gave him a job when no one else would and if it wasn’t for him, he’d still be grovelling for work on Namjoon’s couch.

After practice, Jungkook had decided to follow through on Namjoon’s premise, to test whether or not he really had feelings for you or was sexually constipated. It was dumb, and he had taken it way too literally but before he could even begin to stop himself he was messaging you.

Jungkook

You mind staying overnight? Have something I need to do.

Read 21:39

Jungkook wasn’t surprised to see you read the message instantly, you were always near your phone.

You

No biggie n are you sure it’s something and not someone? ;)

Read 21:40

You sent the message in hopes of getting a specific reply. ‘Nope, I’m just off to do some overnight yoga’ or something else that was equally as lame. You may have seemed uncaring in the message, but there was no way you were going to truly reveal the fact that you were jealous. That would mean you would have to acknowledge your feelings, and that could have been seriously damaging.

Jungkook

Thanks

Read 21:47

Jungkook’s late reply and the fact that he dodged your question like a predictable bullet had said more than he wanted to. You told yourself you didn’t care, but it was hard to lie to yourself when you were convinced you had no reason to. You tried not to dwell on it and tucked your phone away. Kyomi was excited to hear about a sleepover.

Jungkook felt out of place. The bar was loud and far too busy for a Thursday night but he persevered, sucked it up and took an open seat. His predetermined fears of losing his game were abruptly disproven when a girl had approached him before he could get his first drink. He didn’t really remember her name, doubted she remembered his but the night didn’t go as well as he would’ve planned, despite it’s almost perfect start. When Jungkook had prepared to leave the bar with her, he failed to feel that sense of luck or enthusiasm. Frankly, he didn’t feel much at all and even if it was just a one night stand, he knew she deserved better. Jungkook faked a phone call and told her he had to leave, she seemed a little disappointed, but it was nothing she wouldn’t get over.

Jungkook liked you, as more than just a friend and he needed to deal with those feelings before they’d metastasise in his chest and suffocate his heart.

It was almost midnight and Jungkook didn’t want to return home on the off chance that you were awake and ready to bombard him with questions. Your curiosity was simultaneously the worst and best quality you possessed. He walked around, the city a lot quieter in the middle of a weekday night, it was peaceful despite the harsh lights. He kept going, walking down the relatively empty street with very little direction. Everything was tranquil, for a little while at least.

A drunk middle-aged man had stumbled into Jungkook, grumbling something about how he should watch out. Even though it was in no way his fault, Jungkook didn’t humour him and continued on his way, a mistake evident in the fact that the grumbling didn’t stop there. “Oi! You’re not even gonna apologise, you ass?” The man grabbed Jungkook’s shoulder harshly and forced him to face him, he attempted to throw a punch but Jungkook moved faster. He yanked his arm off his shoulder and pushed him away. “Oh, you think you’re tough, huh?” Jungkook merely sighed in exasperation. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, he tried to walk again but it was not received well. With a newfound sense of anger and feigned sobriety, the man kicked Jungkook, causing him to fall forwards and scrape his cheek on the concrete path.

At his limit, Jungkook chuckled before dusting himself off, he stood up, face to face with the man a few inches shorter than him. “I’m going to give you one last chance to walk away.” Instead of taking Jungkook’s peace offering (and he really should’ve) he tried to throw another punch but this time Jungkook did more than just block. Losing the semblance of self-control he had left, he punched back, hard enough to send the man to the floor. Before he left, he called a cab for the clearly intoxicated man and continued on his way; he was angry, not a monster.

Frustrated and exhausted, he decided to go home. To hell with your questions, he wanted to take a shower and sleep. When he had made it back to his car, he took a moment to collect himself and clean the cut on his face. He really hoped it wouldn’t scar, he couldn’t imagine having to explain the story behind it.

When he had finally made it back to his home, Jungkook wasn’t surprised to see all the lights off. He didn’t expect to see you splayed out on the couch, though. Jungkook’s eyes panned over to the television, you were watching Ppongebob this time, he’d have to thank you for ensuring you were child-friendly at all times in his home later. Jungkook slowly made his way up the stairs so not to wake you and just when he thought he was out of the woods, he dropped his car keys and watched as they tumbled loudly down the glass staircase. There was no way you’d sleep through that.

You woke up panicked and sat up quickly in a haze. A bit like a meerkat but Jungkook could laugh about that later. Your eyes darted around to find the source of the noise and Jungkook could visibly see your shoulders slump in relief when you saw his figure at the top of the stairs. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.” He was apologising sheepishly, hand on his neck as he deflected eye contact. You were more concerned about the cut on his cheek. “What happened to your cheek? Why are you home so early? Wait what time is it?” Jungkook didn’t know which question to tackle first, in fact he had really hoped you’d skip out on the interrogation. “It’s 12:48am, just sleep here, it’s too late to go anywhere. I’m guessing you know where the guest room is?” You nodded in response as you rubbed the sleepiness from your eyes. Jungkook felt guilty for waking you up, especially when you looked up at him with glossy eyes and puffy cheeks.

You definitely knew where the guest room was but there was a reason you never used it. First and foremost, it had a really big window that just so happened to showcase the trees surrounding Jungkook’s property. It was terrifying at night and there was no lamp. You could deal with the dark, but not when there was a scary window and far too much empty space. That’s why you preferred to sleep on the couch but there was no denying that you would not survive overnight on the uncomfortable leather. Just a nap was enough to make your shoulders hurt. Why are expensive couches always so uncomfortable? You took a deep breath and made your way to the guest room. You could do this, you were a grown woman, it was just a room.

It took you approximately 45 minutes of laying so incredibly still you may have petrified yourself for you to realise that you could not, in fact, do this.

The quiet patter of your feet could be heard in the halls, amplified by the empty space. When you finally reached what you assumed to be Jungkook’s room, your hands stopped tentatively on the handle. “Jungkook…” You whispered quietly, peaking your head through the door you had opened slightly so not to wake him abruptly. “I’m awake, what’s up?” You let out a sound of relief. “Thank god, do you mind if I sleep here with you?” Jungkook choked on thin air. You were startled by his coughing fit but moved closer to pat him on the back nonetheless. “What’s wrong with the guest room?” He spoke through huffs as he regained his breath. You prepared yourself for the embarrassment of having to explain your irrational fear of the room. “It’s scary.”

Jungkook tried not to laugh at your turmoil it wasn't hard to notice that you weren't kidding. "Seriously? " he tried in hopes that it would somehow make you realise just how ridiculous you sounded. However, he did not compensate for your previously established stubbornness or the severity of your fears. "Just let me sleep here, I can sleep on the floor if you want?" Jungkook didn't want you to sleep on the floor, but the idea of sleeping next to you terrified him. You felt the same, in fact, this went against your significant rule to stay as far away from him as possible. But, sleep was a necessity you couldn't compromise no mater how many heart palpitations being close to him gave you.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll take the guest room.” That option also ran through your head, however, seeing Jungkook’s room and it’s parallel windows you realised it was not much better. “Why do you not have curtains?” The question caught Jungkook off-guard, he was half-sitting, ready to evacuate the bed so you could take over. “I wake up early and my house is surrounded by trees so no peeping neighbours. Never needed them.” He shrugged after his simple explanation and surveyed the way you bit your lip in concentration while staring at the two large windows in his room. “Not a fan of the windows?” You looked back at him and felt guilty. He looked tired and you were the one thing stopping him from rest. You could handle one sleepless night, or maybe you would take your chances with the couch. “You know what, I changed my mind I’m being ridiculous. I’ll sleep in the guest room, okay?” You scrambled out of the room before Jungkook could even protest but there was no way he would be able to rest easy knowing you were uncomfortable at his expense.

So, a good 15-minutes after you had sprinted out of Jungkook’s room like it was lit on fire, he had made his way to the guest room downstairs. “Still can’t sleep?” Jungkook’s house was so dark at night that you could barely even make out his silhouette which made his spontaneous voice all the more terrifying. Jungkook heard a small yelp, a crash and then a muffled groan of pain. He switched on the light only to see you cradling your elbow which had presumably collided with the bedside table. “I’ll be fine, I’m just dramatic.” Jungkook clearly wasn’t buying it and you felt your throat constrict, growing tighter with each step he took towards you. “Scoot over, I like sleeping on the side closest to the door.” Huh? Who would’ve thought Jungkook wanted to be the first dead in a house invasion? “Suit yourself.” You made room for him next to you because the fear of whatever the hell you felt for Jungkook was slightly smaller than your fear of those goddamn trees.

“Should we make a pillow wall?” Jungkook was glad he had switched off the lights so you couldn’t see the amused smile on his face. “I can keep my hands to myself, how about you?” You gulped, almost positive Jungkook could hear how fast your heart was hammering against your ribcage, or maybe he could feel the heat radiating off of you as if you were a piece of molten rock. “I’m good.” You tried to reply but it ended up sounding more like a squeak. Thankfully the words were coherent because all Jungkook did was turn over.

With his back towards you, a weight was lifted off your shoulders but you couldn’t quite sleep yet. You had a habit, a stupid, overgrown habit of cuddling your almost infinite supply of stuffed animals to sleep. It started when you were young, to fill the void that your broken family left you and stuck well into adulthood because you were just as lonely, if not even lonelier. You should really see a therapist. However, what truly troubled you was the possibly precarious fact that at any given moment, your need for something to hug would manifest itself into your subconscious and force you to hug Jungkook despite the inappropriateness of the action. The embarrassment of a situation that hadn’t even occurred yet was already beginning to daunt on you.

So you turned your back to face the windows (which didn’t seem all that scary anymore) in hopes of minimising your risk of unsolicited cuddling. Sleep came easy after you had focused on synchronising your breathing with Jungkook’s out of pure convenience and once you had slipped into unconsciousness, you could slowly feel your anxiety slip away.

When you had woken up the next morning to a body close to yours, you began to feel panic swallow you almost immediately but once you had finally blinked the blurriness away from your vision, you realised you were in the exact same position you had fallen asleep in, except this time a little bit closer to the centre of the bed. One look downwards made you aware of the fact that Jungkook was the one cuddling you and he had somehow pulled you closer to him throughout the night. ‘I can keep my hands to myself.’ He said. What a liar.

You couldn’t say it didn’t feel nice and you selfishly tried to fall back asleep in hopes of making the moment last just a bit longer. When you turned your head to face Jungkook, he had been deep in slumber and it was the most peaceful you had seen him since - well, did you ever really see him at peace? Jungkook must have somehow sensed your gaze because he was blinking the sleep away from his eyes moments later. “Morning.” His morning voice was warmer, less sharp and yet all the more comforting. You were too busy being stressed about being caught admiring his sleeping face to truly appreciate his voice. “Morning.” You replied apprehensively, as if you could somehow postpone your humiliation.

“You were about to fall off the bed so I pulled you away from the edge, guess I feel asleep like that, sorry.” Jungkook was pulling his arm away before you could beg him not to and suddenly, the sound of small feet and ragged sniffles had engulfed the room. “Daddy! Thank god!” Kyomi jumped onto the bed, in-between your bodies, with a brute force, no mercy for Jungkook’s organs which had definitely experienced some internal repositioning. “I thought you were dead. I woke up and you weren’t in your room. You’re always in your room, daddy!” You tried not to laugh at Jungkook’s glazed expression, his perception of reality was just beginning to form.

“Sorry, baby, won’t happen again.” Jungkook’s groggy, deep morning voice may have been the very reason you were having unnecessary intrusive thoughts at 8:49am on a Friday but you wouldn’t dare stop it. Wait, 8:49am?

“Shit, I’m gonna be late to class.” You rushed out of the bed, barely untangling yourself from the mess of limbs between Jungkook’s legs and yours. “That’s a bad word, Y/N!” “Sorry!” You screamed back from the living room as you searched frantically for your bag. Any other class you wouldn’t mind being late to but your torts professor was pure, unadulterated evil. Satan’s incarnate if there ever was one and you did not want to be stuck helping her grade first-year papers on Saturday. “You look like you could use a ride.” There it was again, that sexy, stupid voice that made you want to scream into the void without ever stopping. “Yes please.” Once you had finally found your bag, you were rushing to shove your feet into your sneakers. Thankfully you didn’t wear converse, that could’ve been a disaster.

Jungkook grabbed his wallet, keys and daughter before meeting you at the door. You were much too stressed to wait for him to put on a pair of shoes so you snatched the keys from his hand and ran down his driveway. “Wait, Y/N, you’re not driving!” There were many reasons you shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. One, you were still on your learner's permit. Two, there was a 4-year-old child in the vehicle. Three, you were very likely to end up speeding to get to class and finally, Jungkook’s Mercedes was far too expensive to risk third-party damage, even if he had every kind of insurance. “I know, I’m just turning the engine on so you can floor it the second you get in.”

He did not floor it.

Alternatively, Jungkook was just about the safest driver you had ever seen. His driving style in stark contrast to the tattoos that littered the hand he had on the wheel, stretching all the way up to his shoulder. You couldn’t help but wonder if he had any tattoos underneath his shirt. Snap out of it. “So, when’s your class?” Jungkook looked at you through the rear view mirror and could faintly see the top-half of your head as you combed through your hair and applied makeup. Jungkook could feel the corners of his lip upturn at the way your tongue peeked out the corner of your mouth while you concentrated on your mascara. You just woke up and you still found a way to make his heart stop.

“9:30, but my professors a real b- bad person.” You corrected yourself before Kyomi could in her booster seat next to you. You told Jungkook sitting at the back gave you more room to get ready, really you just wanted to see more of Kyomi before your inevitable death. “You’ll make it on time, don’t worry.” You hoped he was right, the university was a 15-minute drive at it’s fastest and Jungkook, in spite of his gorgeously intimidating looks, was not hurled out of a Fast and Furious movie.

Jungkook was right, you made it to class at 9:20, a little disheveled and in yesterday’s clothes (you really hoped that the sweatshirt you fished out of Jungkook’s trunk per his instruction would cover that up) but otherwise fine, and early. You would live to see another day. However, you could not say that you were able to stay awake for the entire duration of the lecture, thankfully, nobody seemed to notice and when the class was finally over, all you could think about was sleep.

Two days later, you had woken up early in the morning with a heavy groan. You had a shift at the campus library. 7-12. You stretched out the exhaustion in your bones but it did little to help, you were far too young to feel this much back pain. “Hey, I’m going grocery shopping today so make sure to update the list before you leave.” You threw a meagre thumbs up towards Jin in response, but your roommate didn’t care for your disgruntled demeanour. You were always like this before your shifts.

Not even 2 hours into your shift, you saw the devil’s incarnate before your very eyes. “Hey, cutie, whatcha doin’?” You ignored the urge to gag as he threw finger guns your way, Jensen definitely had it out for you. “Working but you already knew that. Why else would you be in a library? You don’t read.” It was true, Jensen rarely ever stepped into this place before you started working there. His commitment to annoying you was admirable even if he lived on campus. “I’m here to see your adorable face.” Jensen pinched your nose playfully and you flinched at the impact, he was so goddamn irritating you were very literally considering homicide.

“Look, I know we haven’t always gotten along, but I really want to try to make amends and you’re not helping.” If this had been anyone else, your harsh resolve may have faltered, you may have felt sympathy even. But Jensen was one stone cold mother fucker, making amends would not benefit him in anyway and was therefore not on his agenda. He wanted something from you. “What do you want? Did you really lose that Dickens book? Because I can’t help y-” “Hang out with me.” Flirtatious comments weren’t outside of his norm, he employed them often for extra annoying affect™ but Jensen never asked you to hang out or hinted that he may have been the slightest bit interested in you, even platonically. “No.” You deadpanned, you genuinely believed that he had some sort of ulterior motive, he must have if he was coming to you for friendship.

“Come on, just one time. One time, and if you don’t realise that I’m not the asshole you think I am I’ll never speak to you ever again, I promise.” The idea of a Jensen-free life was extremely intriguing, after all you were confident that you would still find Jensen an insufferable asshole after whatever kind of hell he’d put you through. He clearly thought he could use some of his outdated boyish charm and win you over. You were more than happy to crush his ego and get rid of him in one night. Two birds with one stone. “Why, you never found me interesting before?” “Wrong, I always found you interesting not my fault you hate my guts. Look, in all honesty I’m sick of sleeping around and partying with people who secretly hate me. I want to spend time with a genuine person for once and even though you despise me with every fibre of your being, you’ve been upfront and sincere with your feelings since day one. I need that.”

What was that? Were you feeling remorse? For Jensen? Really? This wasn’t going to end well.

“Fine, but how do I know you won’t just keep annoying me?” Jensen froze for a moment, almost as if he was in thought, too bad he was not capable of thinking. Suddenly, Jensen surged forward to place his mouth next to your year. He whispered something very despicable that he had done to his father’s car and pulled away. “If you want nothing to do with me and I don’t leave you alone then you can tell my father what I just told you.” Blackmail, bold of him to assume you wouldn’t hold this over his head for the rest of his life, if it was even true of course. In the case that he was lying, you’d just end up in the same position you were in and if he was telling the truth, then you would live a very peaceful life for the semester and a half you had left. It seemed like a worthy bargain. “Deal.” Before you and Jensen could shake on it, your phone rang.

You weren’t technically supposed to answer but the library was dead and the librarian was on her tea break so what was the harm in a quick phone call? “Hello?” You learnt from your mistakes and read the caller ID that time, after realising it was Jungkook who probably wanted you to babysit Kyomi again, you answered quickly. Jensen noticed the smile that immediately overtook your face. “Hey, Y/N.” “What’s up? Need me to watch Kyomi?” Jensen was trying to deduce from the snippets of the conversation, who could make you smile that brightly. On the other side of the phone, Jungkook was bitting his lip, cautiously questioning whether or not he was making the right decision; acting on his emotions had never ended well for him.

“No, I just dropped her off she’s at a playdate with a friend she met at the park a while back. Her mom’s amazing, helped me a lot with parenting tips.” Jungkook overshared and deflected, he did that often when he was nervous but there was no way to stop the word vomit from flowing out. “Oh, that’s so cute!” You were grinning and Jensen was appalled at the sight, he even mocked your tone ‘oh, that’s so cute!!!’ and you flicked his forehead with a scowl, mouthing ‘shut up’ in response.

“I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch today, we could watch a movie after too? If you’re not busy.” If Jungkook was nervous, you couldn’t tell. He spoke with a tone so confident you wondered if you had actually hung out like this a million times already. “I would love to, I get off work at 12!” You agreed on impulse, before your brain could catch up with your racing heart. Jensen spared you from the mocking, but he couldn’t deny the way his chest tightened at your beaming acceptance, if only you could respond to his proposals that way. After the words had left your mouth and Jungkook promised to pick you up after your shift, you were left with your thoughts which had to make room for a new revelation. You liked Jungkook, borderline loved him and no amount of physical distance could change that.

Deep in thought, you began to think that perhaps, you weren’t destined for solidarity. Perhaps, you were as deserving of love as everyone else. Perhaps, and this was merely hypothetical, there was hope. You were being dramatic, blowing things out of proportion but how could you not when Jungkook had suggested something that sounded a lot like a date. However, considering how the last almost-but-not-quite-there ‘date’ had gone, this could have very well been just another platonic invitation to do platonic things.

“Y/N, hello? Earth to Y/N?” You broke out of your trance after Jensen had started snapping at you like a puppy. “Oh my god, what do you want?” There it was, annoyed Y/N was back and Jensen felt a sense of accomplishment every time you glared at him “Who was that?” “No one.” Your defensiveness definitely alluded to something. “Is it a boy? Is he cute?” “I already agreed to your stupid scheme, you can go now.” “You like him, don’t you?” You whined at his incessant prodding and Jensen knew he struck gold. Was it upsetting that you were already interested in someone? Yes. That didn’t matter though, especially when Jensen promised you he was looking for nothing more than friendship. He could set his entirely unexpected feelings aside.

When you had gotten back to your apartment, you had 40 minutes before Jungkook would pick you up which was objectively enough time to get ready for a casual lunch. However, that justification would not stop you from stressing over what to wear, nothing on god’s green Earth could. Jin was busy grovelling through all of his achievements to apply for a TA position in hopes of easing the fees from his masters and you weren’t in the mood to deal with his wrath (which was inevitable every time you distracted him).

You settled on a white velvet white sweater and a pair of leggings. You looked comfortable and not quite like you had rolled out of bed on a bad day. You decided to forego any makeup because overdoing it would have been much more embarrassing than underdressing. Before you could decide to completely change everything about yourself for the umpteenth time that day, Jungkook had called your phone, letting you know he was outside your building.

With a final look in the mirror and a cliche ‘you’ve got this, Y/N’, you were on your way.

Jungkook made some sort of creamy pasta, you couldn’t remember the name for the life of you because your mind had been flooded with thoughts of how gorgeous Jungkook had looked. You’d seen him in workout attire, in a suit and yet his homely look was hands down your favourite. You clearly were not doing a good job at hiding that. “You okay? You look like you saw a ghost.” You might as well have because you were just as, if not more, afraid then you would’ve been in the case of a supernatural interaction. At least a ghost was clear with their intentions. You had no idea why Jungkook had invited you over looking like sex on legs and the curiosity was killing you.

“You want something to drink, wine? Or are you still adamant on keeping your liver intact?” You briefly remembered when you had found Jungkook 17 and drunk, you could vaguely recall the lecture you had given him, something about your liver evidently thrown in there. “Water’s fine- wait, do you have apple juice?” Jungkook surveyed the contents of his fridge and reached in only to grab a kids pop top. He looked at you sheepishly, almost disappointed that this was the only thing he had to offer. “I can pour it into a-”

“And prevent me from the joy of the satisfying pop? Hand it over, daddy.” You didn’t mean it that way, you definitely didn’t mean it that way and if it wasn’t obvious from your tone, than the way you had merely focused on opening the seal on the juice rather than panicking like Jungkook was had done the job of conveying your very innocent intentions. That didn’t stop Jungkook’s mind from going there and you had picked up on your mistake when the room had fallen into an awkward silence. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You offered a genuine apology, cheeks flushed with the realisation of what your actions had insinuated. Jungkook waved you off, stuffing his mouth with pasta to justify his speechlessness.

“This is really good. Did you buy it?” You gave Jungkook a skeptical look that he countered with a pointed glare while taking a swig from his wine. You were being entirely serious, before Jungkook had run away he was an abomination in the kitchen. “How many times do I have to cook for you to realise that I just became a culinary god?” You took the rhetorical question too seriously and Jungkook braced for the snarky comment you were going to inevitably make. “If you can make macarons, then you will officially be a culinary god.” Jungkook wasn’t big on baking, he made cupcakes with Kyomi for her fourth birthday but cupcakes were significantly easier than macarons. He made no comment and lunch continued on peacefully.

“You done?” You looked down at the almost empty plate that you hadn’t touched in a good few minutes and nodded. When Jungkook moved to clear the table, you offered to help but he shut you down so confidently there was no room for protest. You watched his broad shoulders clear the plates and rinse them. He grew up to be such an incredible man, he defied every one of his parents stereotypes triumphantly. He was successful, happy and had a beautiful daughter. All of that without a single ‘A’ in his life. “What are you smiling about?” He joked, hand coming up to flick the bottom of your chin playfully. You snapped out of your trance with a timid smile that pushed Jungkook to wonder if he had done something wrong.

In all honesty, you were trying hard not to focus on the way your heart would expand three times its size every time his eyes met yours. You were trying to ignore the way your hands would get clammy when he was near you and you definitely didn’t want to think about the jealousy that consumed you every time he spoke about a girl that wasn’t you. But you did and the question slipped off of your lips before you could stop it, like an avalanche against the crisp winter wind, you didn’t stand a chance. “Remember when you told me you were meeting someone a while ago…what um- what happened with that?” There was no way to stage the question cooly, no way to protect your pride and quench your curiosity. “Oh! I was meeting a sponsor.”

You stared at him flabbergasted.

“A sponsor? But you- you even asked me if I was seeing anyone!” Jungkook had the audacity to chuckle, chuckle, at your turmoil. You had been thinking about who Jungkook was meant to meet that night for far too long for it to just be a sponsor. “Wanted you to think I had my shit together. I haven’t dated anyone in a while.” You tried not to let your ego inflate at the notion that Jungkook wanted to impress you and hyper-focused on the last sentence which brought you an embarrassing amount of relief. “And Thursday night?” You watched as his gaze hardened at the mention of that horrible night, the cut on his cheek was still healing from the altercation. “Thursday night was a bust. I tried but I just couldn’t. All I could think about was Kyomi.” And you, but Jungkook knew better than to say that part aloud. You took his hand in yours, you were both standing in his kitchen and it was possibly the least romantic place of all but that didn’t stop you from staring at him with the softest, most loving eyes you could possibly muster. “Someone will come, and they’ll love you and Kyomi with their entire heart.” And it could be me, but you didn’t say that aloud either. Before the tension could get thicken, Jungkook diffused. “Movie?” You let go of his hand and nodded.

Choosing a movie was harder than you thought it would be.

“What?! Are you insane? I cannot believe you just said that. I can’t believe I let you into my house!” If a bystander had been listening, they would’ve assumed that you insulted Jungkook’s entire lineage but no, all you did was suggest that ‘Fast & Furious’ had too many sequels. “I’m sorry, okay. I just think 9 movies is pushing it.” “How many Harry Potter movies are there, like 50? You used to be obsessed with that shit.” You tried not to be offended at his choice of words, you took a deep breath before attempting to reason with him. “8 films actually and I’m not obsessed anymore okay… Let’s just watch the avengers or something.” His irritated gaze had softened at the mention of the MCU which was something you could both agree was worth your time. “Which movie is your favourite?” “Infinity war.” “You’re wrong, it’s Age of Ultron.” “That’s subjective.” “Not if you have good taste.” Well, the mere 15 seconds of peace were great while they lasted. You didn’t want to argue anymore so you merely nodded in defeat and Jungkook moved quickly to find the film on Disney plus.

However, for Jungkook’s favourite Avenger’s film, he had paid little attention to the movie. His eyes barely diverted from you for most of the opening of the film, it wasn’t until you faced him to laugh about some comedic foreshadowing that you had noticed his hazed stare. “Hmm, what’s wrong? Do I have something on my face?” He shook his head quickly before retracting back into thought until he eventually decided to voice his concerns.

“Do you remember when I was 14 and you chased me all the way to the beach because I was upset and wouldn’t tell you why? And I told you some assholes were making fun of my name and you told me that only you could make fun of me so you waltzed over to them the next day, a good foot shorter and yelled at them in front of my entire grade.” How could you forget when Jungkook had so vividly explained it. It was an embarrassing memory you tried to suppress but Jungkook had singlehandedly destroyed your efforts. “Yeah?”

“I was mad at you because you made me look weak in front of everyone in my grade but those boys never bothered me ever again and I never said thanks… So, thank you.” You looked at Jungkook who was entirely serious, not a single part of his face wavered under your astonished expression. Your mouth dropped in disbelief. “You’re welcome, I guess? Where’s this coming from?” You tried to pry into Jungkook’s brain and weirdly enough, he was willing to let you which was a peculiar thing he had done that quite a bit that day. “There’s a lot of thanking I have to catch up on, felt right to start from the beginning, no?” Movie long forgotten, you and Jungkook peered into each other’s eyes as if something behind those orbs was the key to existence. As if the answers to every significant philosophical question were woven into the streaks of your eyes.

Jungkook rarely acted on his hedonistic urges, an unexpected kid taught him not to, but he couldn’t help the way his lips gravitated towards yours. He wondered if you felt the same way, if you were thinking of some weird chemical explanation like electromagnetic radiation, whatever the hell that was. On Jungkook’s slightly uncomfortable couch, under a fluffy blanket with Disney princesses on it and watching a movie neither of you had been paying full attention to, you felt the most at peace you had been ever since your parents divorce. It scared you to think that Jungkook could make you that happy, especially when he so plainly not yours.

“Can I kiss you?” Jungkook whispered and you didn’t notice how close you had gotten until you could feel his breath on your skin, your body answered for you as you pushed to close the distance between your lips. If you were magnets, you would definitely be oppositely charged because you never wanted to pull away. Eventually, because oxygen was an innate part of life, you pulled away. You, far too eager, quickly chased his lips and in spite of every temptation that was stacked against him, Jungkook pushed himself away, still close enough so that your noses were touching. “I need to know that we’re on the same page here. I like you, Y/N and I want to give this a shot.” You couldn’t even begin to explain the relief that rushed over you and the excitement that coursed through your veins, interlaced with misplaced adrenaline that made you agree a little too quickly. “We are definitely on the same page.” And this time, when you had moved to kiss him, he didn’t push you away. Instead, your lips found purchase against his and as cliche as it sounds, it felt like home, being in his arms again despite the fact that you failed to get along in the ancient beginning. You depended on Jungkook for a long time once upon a time and you were elated to have him by your side again.

Before things could escalate - although with Jungkook’s heavy distrust in protection you doubted they ever would - Jungkook’s phone rang. The default Apple ring tone resonated in his apartment and you let him answer begrudgingly, already missing his lips against yours which were definitely swollen from all the biting. Jungkook was a good kisser, that was a fact written in stone. “Hello, everything okay?” His fingers moved to answer the call quickly, it was Jen, the woman who’s daughter Kyomi was hanging out with. “Everything’s fine, Jeon.” She chuckled into the phone at his worried tone, he was always worried when it came to his daughter even more so than her but she never blamed him. He was running a two-person ship alone. “The girls are both pretty tired, you mind picking her up before they start a fight over legos?” Jungkook laughed and you perked up at the mellifluous sound, trying to figure out who Jungkook was on the phone with that was more important than you. >:c

“I’ll be there soon, thank you so much for having her over. I’ll have to invite Sam over sometime too.” A few empty promises about future playdates later and Jungkook was finally off the phone. “Are you going to pick Kyomi up?” You asked, having deducted that much from the snippets of the conversation you had heard, Jungkook made a sound of agreement in response, stretching in front of the couch. “Can I come?” Your question painted a smile on his face, one he couldn’t put away even when he leaned down to give you a peck. “Of course, want me to drop you off?” You shook your head quickly, response far too quick which Jungkook couldn’t help but find endearing. Your cheeks flushed as you tried to find an explanation that didn’t make you sound like an absolute perv. “We um, haven’t finished the movie…” You pointed to the screen that was undoubtedly still playing the movie you had stopped paying attention to. Jungkook quirked an eyebrow at your obvious lie but made no move to debunk it, he just grabbed his wallet and keys off of the counter and cocked his head towards the door, gesturing for you to get up.

Kyomi knocked out in her booster seat, much too exhausted from the fun she had at her friend’s house. Your head was pretty much permanently turned to the backseat to coo at her. Jungkook kept trying to stop you, afraid you’d wake her up and he’d end up with a grumpy Kyomi. “Calm down, I’m just looking at her. She’s so cute.” Jungkook pinched your side when the car had stopped at a red light. “You’ll have all the time in the world to stare at her when she’s awake, okay? Once she wakes up it’s impossible to get her to sleep again.” You listened to Jungkook’s pleading and returned your focus to the road, his hand slipped from where he had playfully pinched you to rest on your thigh. In an attempt to hide the blush on your cheeks, you complained that the car felt suffocating and opened the window. Jungkook didn’t question it, at least not out loud.

Once Kyomi was safe in her room, sleeping away in the comfort of her bed that was probably worth more than your kidney, Jungkook returned to find you on the couch playing a cat game on your phone. It was really simple, but it seemed to occupy all of your attention enough for you to miss Jungkook entirely until his head was next to yours. You smiled when his lips pecked your cheek, his hand coming up to turn your head to face him. You kissed him distractedly, eyes still pinned to your game. With an annoyed groan Jungkook snatched the phone from your hand, discarding it behind him onto the couch. You whined into the kiss but paid full attention to him nonetheless, when he pulled away you were frowning.

“I was about to unlock a new cat, you know?” And it was a genuine issue, those cats were hard to unlock! Jungkook feigned sympathy which only seemed to piss you off even more so Jungkook pulled away, raising his hands in defence as he mumbled an apology. Wanting to get up, you moved to raid his kitchen for a snack. And yes, you understood that the man was a boxer who needed to stay fit but was it necessary to be so painstakingly healthy? His pantry was filled with wholegrain cereals, oats, nature valley bars and what you assumed was some sort of protein shake container. Even Kyomi’s snacks were healthy; raisins, popcorn, corn chips. No wonder he judged your food supply so harshly, this man was a living health commercial. You returned to the couch empty handed, hungry and annoyed. Were you exaggerating about the cat game thing? Sure, but the hunger had certainly played a part in your annoyance.

“You hungry? You didn’t finish your pasta.” God, he sounded like a dad more and more every time he spoke. “I’m okay.” You lied and drew your knees up to your chest to support your brooding face. You were being a little dramatic but you both knew well enough that it was all in jest, at least for the most part, that cat really did matter to you. “Mmm, I don’t believe you. I can make you something?” You shook your head and moved to grab the remote to his TV so you could finish the damn movie that he fought so hard to watch but doesn’t even care about, but, Jungkook wasn’t convinced. The way you snatched the remote told him you were far from fine even though you were not trying to send any subliminal messaging. He left the couch but you paid little attention to where he went, you probably should’ve because then you could’ve prepared your poker face for when he had returned with a plate of your favourite fruit. Consequently, you felt your frown begin to alleviate, and were your eyes softening? Over watermelon? You’re so whipped it’s disgusting. You stared at the plate of cut up watermelon like it was a marriage proposal. He remembered. Or maybe it was just a lucky guess.

“Ah ha! I knew this would work.” Jungkook had a proud smile on his face, mirroring your small one as he handed you a fork. You barely mumbled out a ‘thank you’ before you raided the plate, careful not to drop anything because you did not want to be perceived as a slob and you’d had enough of watermelon stains (thank you, Jin) for a lifetime. Jungkook sat back and paid attention to the movie he initially suggested, but he still had no interest in the film, not when you were next to him with red lips and focused eyes.

Jungkook had a lot to ask you and he had a lot of issues he needed to sort through but those were difficult things to navigate and Jungkook was sick of difficulty. He was lucky you were so understanding about the radio silence from your family and his but he knew that he’d eventually have to speak to them again, it was inevitable and that alarmed him. To think that at any given moment, 6 years worth of baggage could tear you both apart. “You should get seedless watermelons.” Jungkook turned away from his TV to give you a quizzical look. “They make those?” You almost choked on the last piece with a laugh. “Genetic modification, they can make anything. You know there’s apples with red flesh? They’re red inside and out, Jungkook, it’s so cool!” You could almost sense the ‘nerd’ sitting on his tongue but he didn’t say it, he merely smiled at you in disbelief. “You know what, Y/N, entirely red apples are cool!” Jungkook wasn’t trying to be sarcastic but he couldn’t skilfully feign interest in whatever the hell you were talking about. “Don’t patronise me.”

When you got up to put the plate away and wash your hands, Jungkook had come up behind you and wrapped his hands around your waist. You heard him coming, he wasn’t necessarily the quietest person ever but you could deal with a little noise if it always came in such a cute package. “Jungkook you’ve watched like 2% of your favourite movie. I’m starting to think you’re a liar.” Before you could continue your mischievous criticism, Jungkook’s lips began making their way down your neck, starting at the crevice between your ear and neck, all the way down to your clavicle. You were going to protest, push him away and declare that you were moving too fast but his lips were addictive, like morphine if the opioid made you feel like you were on cloud nine.

However, your cloud was temporary because the second the soft patter of small feet resonated off of the kitchen counter Jungkook had flinched away from you like a hand on a burning stove.

“Daddy?” Kyomi, still rubbing her eyes and far too young to understand the tension she had created had gestured grabby hands at her father who quickly moved to pick her up. “Hey cupcake, you still tired?” She shook her head despite the way her eyelids heavily rested on her eyes or the way her head kept nuzzling into his neck. He knew better than let her sleep any longer though, she’d keep him up all night. Speaking of things that kept him up at night, where did you go? The kitchen was now void of any presence other than him and his daughter and he couldn’t see you on the couch.

“Y/N?” He yelled out, a little concerned but more perplexed at the way you disappeared into thin air. “I’m in the hallway!” Jungkook, daughter still perched on his hip, made his way to his hallway only to see you shoving your feet into your shoes. “You’re leaving already?” Jungkook had a feeling, a burning intuition that you were upset about the way he reacted when his daughter had run in but you had to understand that introducing a girlfriend to a child was difficult. Wait, were you even his girlfriend? Did he manage to screw that up too? “I realised I have homework due in like an hour and I haven’t even started. I’ll take the bus it’s coming soon, anyway. Thank you for dinner and the watermelon! Bye bye, Kyomi.” You waved exaggeratedly to the little girl who matched your energy despite her tired state, you gave her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

Jungkook believed you, your smile was genuine and you were mature enough to understand why he couldn’t exactly tell his daughter about you yet. Besides, it had been the very first time you had both perceived each other in a setting other than platonic friends. He wasn’t wrong, you were telling the truth but that didn’t change the fact that his actions left a bitter taste on your tongue.

“Daddy, I wanted to play with Y/N…” Kyomi was pouting, upset at the fact that you had to go right when she woke up and all Jungkook could muster was a sigh and a quiet, “me too.” And he was genuine, he wanted to spend more time with you but his daughter and increasingly tight schedule made that difficult. “Well, you’re stuck with daddy so I’m gonna count to twenty and if you’re not hiding, the tickle monster’s gonna get you!” Jungkook set his daughter down with intentions of distracting her (and himself) from your unexpected flight and she immediately began running away, loud giggles bursting through her cheery lips.

“Are you sure it wasn’t a homie kiss?” You looked at Jin from your side of the coach with a glare so ferocious it might have very well killed the man. “I hope you don’t kiss your homies with tongue, Jin.” Despite your venomous tone, Jin appeared unfazed, smirking at your comment and hollering as loudly as one could in an apartment complex with neighbours who sent noise complaints about heavy breathers. “Damn! I can’t believe your first real boyfriend is a dilf.” You furrowed your eyebrows at his comment. “What do you mean ‘first real boyfriend’, what about Jimin?” “Lasted 2 weeks and you barely even kissed so it doesn’t count.” “Mark? We dated for 2 months!” “You barely even talked to each other and he was seeing another girl, so it doesn’t count.” Ouch. But okay. “What about Zen?” “The kid you told me you ‘married’ in elementary? Really?” You were out of options and Jin was right, Jungkook would be the first man you actually had genuine intentions of staying with for longer than a few months and that horrified you because if you were being honest, you knew that firsts were always destined for failure.

“I’m doomed.” You said the words with a heavy weight, as if you were speaking your damnation into existence. Jin flicked your forehead harshly, no mercy for the poor skin. “Ouch. Screw you, first you give me an existential crisis and then a bruise?” He was about to flick your forehead again but you were quick to defend. Before a petty flicking battle could ensue, Jin spoke again. “You’re such a baby, you won’t get a bruise. And you are not doomed, this is going to work out just fine, I can feel it in my left kneecap.” Jin often said weird things and you had gotten quite used to his absurd comments. Taking his claim at face value, you replied with a sincere concern, “the same one you dislocated last Summer? I’m definitely doomed.”

And you were indeed doomed but not in the way you had initially assumed you would be. It had been well over a month since your spontaneous movie date at Jungkook’s house and yet you still felt like his dirty little secret. He asked to be his girlfriend a little after your first date and he still hadn’t mentioned you to any of his friends nor did he let you meet them, even Namjoon had to find out about his best friend’s relationship from Jin. And his daughter? Jungkook wouldn’t even hold your hand when she was within a 100 foot radius and you while you tried to be understanding, anyone would have felt horrible in your position. You felt like you were unworthy, as if you didn’t fit Jungkook’s pre-conceptualised image of a perfect family. As if he didn’t see a future with you.

He treated you as if you were something he was ashamed of and with your complicated past, the insecurities that had begun to erode away persevered, becoming stronger than ever. But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk him about them; you were afraid you’d push too hard, be too dramatic and end up hurting him in the process. Jungkook was kind and extremely empathetic but that didn’t stop the haunting thoughts of your self-worth or the prying eyes of unknown on-lookers (who knew well enough that he was way out of your league) from making you feel like he wouldn’t understand.

Every second you spent with him felt beatific, blissful, because he made you feel like the most important person in the world, right up until you weren’t anymore and he’d push you away you like you were nothing more than his daughter's babysitter, or on good days, a friend. It was frustrating because he was so insanely addicting, more than any narcotic and yet you couldn’t have him when you wanted to. He made you happy and yet in moments when you were upset, you couldn’t reach out to him, at least not with the expectation of a timely response. Your dates with him (which were few and far between) felt like they were on a constant timer. Eventually, whether it was Kyomi or his job, something impenetrable intruded your only alone time together.

And while these feelings continued to slowly fester inside of you, rearing their ugly heads as they occasionally made you unconsciously bitter, they reached an all time high when you were watching Kyomi at your apartment one eventful Friday night. Jungkook was having a party the weekend before his semi-finals on Wednesday, a party he didn’t invite you to. But you didn’t take it to heart, or at least you thought you didn’t.

It was almost 1 am when Jungkook returned and Kyomi was fast asleep in your room. Sleep didn’t come to you as effortlessly as you wanted it to, not when your mind was hyper-fixated on the party Jungkook was at. He told you earlier this day that he didn’t want to throw another party but it was a tradition for the contenders and breaking that tradition would be ‘sacrilegious’. You didn’t feel like interfering with a realm you were very unfamiliar with and so you took Kyomi with open arms. But his discontentment with the nature of the party didn’t change the fact that no one knew you existed and there were going to be girls much prettier than you who would probably be interested in your objectively handsome boyfriend. No one ever told you that a major con of dating a a man that sexy would be the constant feeling of insecurity.

It was selfish and something you needed to work on alone so you never thought to bring it up to Jungkook; your jealousy was something you would have to learn to handle. But before you could imagine yet another scenario that would crush your weak, feeble heart, keys rattled at your door. You knew it was most likely Jungkook since Jin had assured you he was probably going to spend the night at his boyfriend’s. You gave Jungkook your spare key so he wouldn’t accidentally wake Kyomi up with the knocking, or you on the off chance that you actually got a semblance of sleep.

“Oh, you’re awake?” Jungkook looked tired, and it was evident in the ways his eyes were drooping. He could have been asleep if he had simply trusted you, a person he had known for almost his entire life, to take care of his daughter for just one night but he couldn’t bring himself to sleep if he wasn’t near Kyomi. You understood because it was reasonable to want to be near your child at all times but that day, those ugly heads were rearing, amplifying your frustration about every little thing that peeved you that night exponentially.

Withholding his trust was another thing you told yourself you’d have to understand but it didn’t make it any easier for your overactive mind to wrap your head around. Why couldn’t he trust you? “Couldn’t sleep.” you said curtly, and Jungkook picked up on your annoyed tone but made no move to address it. That was a problem he could deal with later when his head didn’t weigh 100 pounds. You were on the floor, back against the couch as you messed around with your chess board, playing different openings. Jensen had come over earlier in the day and you played a few games. Believe it or not, you were kind-of friends now.

“I see you’re still into chess.” Jungkook tried to spark conversation and you nodded absentmindedly in response before remembering something that would probably cheer the both of you up. You sat up quickly and turned to him with an excited smile. “I taught Kyomi a bit, she already knows the Sicilian! I’m sure she’ll forget it tomorrow, though.” You joked but Jungkook didn’t laugh; he didn’t even smile. In fact, it seemed as if he was scowling? “You taught my 4-year-old daughter chess?” Jungkook made it sound like it was a crime, as if you had singlehandedly ruined her childhood by teaching her how a few wooden pieces moved across a 8x8 board. “Calm down, It’s no biggie, I started learning when I was 3.” “How did this even happen? She told you she was bored and you thought to bring out the most boring game in existence?” You weren’t sure where his hostility was coming from but you were beginning to grow even more annoyed. A hostility of your own forming.

“It was out already when you dropped her off, without notice by the way, and she was curious. What’s the issue? You may think it’s boring but I like chess a-” “Kyomi isn’t fucking like you!” Jungkook cut you off with a stern yell, not loud enough to cause a scene in your apartment building but loud enough to risk Kyomi waking up. You both hadn’t thought of that in the heat of the moment. All you could think about was how his words cut right through you; a familiar sting you hadn’t felt in six years began to develop in your chest. Before you could even begin to respond, Jungkook kept going and sunk his proverbial dagger deeper into your heart. “And I don’t want her to be.” The room feel silent, no more were the clattering pieces of wood against the chess board or the chime of Jungkook’s chain bracelets as he moved his hands around. You finally realised what a deafening silence felt like because despite the tranquility, your heart had never been so loud in your ears. Drumming like the bass in a loud parade except there was no joy or laughter, just migraines and heartache.

You didn’t even know you were crying until Kyomi had emerged from your room, startled by the noise and your solemn face. “Daddy?” She shuffled closer to her father’s figure and his eyes widened when he realised she was awake, he really hoped she hadn’t heard what he said. “Daddy, why is Y/N sad?” Jungkook knew the answer quite well; because I’m an asshole who says all the wrong things when he doesn’t even mean them, but he bit his tongue as the familiar beginnings of a profusion of guilt began to accumulate in his chest. He thought he was over his issues with the past, evidently not.

“She’s just tired sweetheart, let’s go home, hmm?” Jungkook held his hand out for his daughter to take but she stayed frozen near him. Her large eyes that Jungkook was convinced held the galaxy were fixated on you who had been trying to wipe the perpetual waterfall of tears that wouldn’t stop escaping your bloodshot eyes. Like a splintering water dam, Jungkook’s words had been the final push needed to collapse the walls you spent your entire life building. Essentially, he’d opened the floodgates to your insecurities.

Were you really that horrible to the point where Jungkook couldn’t stomach the idea of his daughter liking the same things as you? How on earth were you supposed to move past this, stay together for as long as your life would allow if he couldn’t even handle the idea of his daughter being anything like you. Children were impressionable.

“Kyomi, we need to go, now.” Kyomi was intuitive enough to know that Jungkook only ever called on her by her real name when he was mad or upset. She knew from his stern tone that she should have listened and in spite of that, she ran over to you and offered a hug. Kyomi was well aware her dad would never hurt her and that assurance was enough to conquer her fears of being berated so that she could blatantly disobey him. The sight threw him for a loop. For four years of his life Jungkook and Kyomi had been loyal to each other, had each others backs whenever times were tough because they were all they had and yet there she was, showing you that same loyalty because you needed it and it was all his fault. He told himself that hiding you from his daughter would stop her from getting attached in a way that meant more to her than just a babysitter. Clearly he was too late.

Jungkook stood there as if he had anchors attaching his feet to your tiled floors. The sight of you holding his daughter in your arms as you choked on your tears brought a different kind of hurt into his life despite the fact that Jungkook was well versed with pain. From the punches he received or the degrading looks from the people who were meant to love him unconditionally or even the painful fear of staring a newborn baby alone and afraid; Jungkook knew pain like the back of his hand and yet he’d never felt it quite like this. “Kyomi, we really need to go. Dad’s tired.” You pulled her out of your hold and ushered her to her father, assuring the worried girl that you were fine, only emotional because you watched a sad movie. She believed you, mostly because she saw the way you balled your eyes out when you, Jungkook and her had watched ‘Hachi’. Kyomi thought you were one of the strongest people she knew and would therefore be okay. So, she left with her father feeling a little less worried than she was before.

Kyomi was wrong. You were definitely not strong and you were far from okay.

The next morning your eyes were swollen and your mouth was dry from the incessant crying that had to have drained you of at least half of your water content. You didn’t sleep, not even for a second and even though the headache pounding against your head was begging for relief you couldn’t bring yourself to eat so you could take any medicine. Jeon Jungkook was a mean man and while you knew that lie was not even remotely true, you repeated it in your head to make yourself feel better. Blaming him meant that you wouldn’t have to think about where you went wrong even though you knew that you should’ve talked to him about how you felt, maybe then you would be in his arms and not your messy, cold bed.

Jungkook had been punching the boxing bag in his home gym since 3am and the sun had fully settled into the room by the time he finally stopped. He hoped the exertion would make the agony in his chest alleviate but it only made things worse. No matter how many punches he threw or how much his legs ached he still thought of you. The image of your beautiful, tear-stricken face and the sounds of your broken sniffles were all he could think about every time he blinked. Jungkook was willing to let his eyes dry out if it would guarantee him peace.

Kyomi slept in that day, tired from her late endeavour where she had to comfort two adults. Despite Jungkook’s assurance, she did not believe he was fine. And he definitely wasn’t, so, when she insisted on sleeping on his bed with him he couldn’t bring himself to disagree. Jungkook realised well into the night that he couldn’t sleep so he spent the time training for what was undoubtedly going to be the second-most important match of his career. The first being the finals that were already set for the following Friday, he felt the weight of the unparalleled pressure that rested on his exhausted shoulders. This was Jungkook’s first national match and if Jungkook he were to win the next two rounds he would be the next national heavyweight champion. He would finally be able to spend every second with the daughter he loved more than anything else in his life.

Jungkook thought about messaging you, it crossed his mind more often than not but he didn't know what to say and spent an abnormal amount of time rewriting the same message over and over. "I miss you, I'm sorry." And despite Kyomi's urge to complain about her boring new babysitters or how much she missed you, she was well aware that her father needed peace so she kept her tiny mouth shut. She was right to do so, with the semi-finals steadily approaching Jungkook needed all the help he could get. Jungkook didn't like the idea of relying on his four-year-old daughter for emotional support so Jungkook pretended he was fine whenever she was around. Every other minute Jungkook coped by doing what he always did in times of doubt; continued training until his lungs gave out.

The day of the semi-finals had you seated at the edge of your bed with your phone tightly clasped in your hands. You waited, anxiously, for Jin's message that Jungkook was okay because even if he hurt you, you couldn't handle the thought of anything happening to him. Your leg vibrated with nervousness but the only vibration you truly paid attention to was your the one from your phone. With every notification that wasn't Jin, you could feel the worry laced with well-intended frustration seep into your bloodstream faster, making it difficult to breathe at a reasonable pace.

It was safe to say that you did not take Jungkook's criticism very well. You spent two days crying whenever you felt the slightest urge to, a day of working through misplaced anger, cursing men, chess, watermelon and everything that reminded you of the brown-eyed brunette which brought you to Wednesday, when all you could feel was the remnants of loss. You missed Kyomi and Jungkook and ironically, distance did make the heart grow fonder.

Philosophy: 1, Y/N: 0.

You were violently ripped out of your trance when your phone had vibrated in your hand's tight grip.

"He won and he's okay. Poor guy couldn't even get a good punch in."

You didn't fight the proud smile on your face or the sigh of relief that escaped from your lips. In the comfort of your room, you were your worst critic and you could argue the unethical-ness of watching people fight for sport any other time but that day you were solely glad that Jungkook was safe. When your phone vibrated a second time within 10 minutes of Jin’s message, you were expecting more updates from your roommate but you were pleasantly (that’s debatable) surprised to see Jungkook's contact light up your phone instead. While you were flattered that he immediately thought of you after winning the biggest match of his career, the message was a bleak "can we talk?" And you couldn’t say you were shocked, Jungkook was never a good texter but you agreed anyway. You knew ‘can we talk’ usually preceded a horrible break-up but it wasn’t like there was much room for the situation to get worse.

The night following Jungkook’s extremely anticipated win, he was wiping his clammy hands on the material of his jeans while waiting for you on his couch. Jungkook thought about what he was going to say over and over, perfecting everything to a tee with a figurative list burned into the side of his brain. He even looked at the small cardboard box of macarons he’d spent hours baking for you earlier that day. He was determined to win you back and if that meant being vulnerable (something he very much hated) then so be it. Jungkook would lay himself bare for your judgement. Before Jungkook could recite his apology one last time, his train of thought had been disrupted the second he heard the doorbell ring. When he opened the door, his eyes landed on your form, depleted and void of any joy, he had to swallow the lump that formed in his throat.

“Hey, come in.” He moved out of the way to make room for you and while you normally jumped into his arms straight away, you stuck to the far end of the hall, as far away from Jungkook as physically possible while you slipped off your shoes. Converse. He was glad to know you weren’t planning on making a quick escape. “Do you- uh, do you want anything to drink?” You shook your head, standing awkwardly in the open area between his kitchen and living room. Jungkook moved first, sitting down and patting the space next to him, gesturing for you to take a seat. He couldn’t say it didn’t hurt when you sat on the single chair to the right of his couch instead.

As Jungkook raked through his brain in hopes of finding the list he had so confidently confided in just a few minutes ago, you decided to speak first. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries with your daughter.” Your voice was soft as always but it wavered, unsure, afraid and all he could do was hope that you weren’t afraid of him. “You don’t have to apologise for teaching her a game, Y/N.” Jungkook didn’t mean to come off condescending but he winced at the sentence the second it left his mouth. You looked a little taken aback and Jungkook wanted the ground to simply swallow him whole. God, he was notoriously bad at apologies. “Right…” Following your feeble attempt at filling the silent void was yet another silence that was not only awkward but uncomfortable. You were waiting for an apology, an explanation, an excuse, anything, you weren’t picky. You just wanted your boyfriend back.

“You know, when I first met Kyomi I had no idea she existed until I was in the hospital. Her mother was a one night stand I had at Namjoon’s friends party when I was 19. Isn’t that funny?” Jungkook laughed despondently at the mention of his bleak past. It hurt you to see him so pained so you tried to stop him. "You don't have to do this." "I do." Following his dour statement, you retracted, deciding to listen to what he wanted to tell you. “I didn’t even know she was pregnant but apparently she had some complications during the late stages of her pregnancy and the doctors told her she’d die if she went through with it. She had to deal with that alone, the fear of a situation that dire while I fucked around on Namjoon’s playstation. I was pathetic and she still put me down as her father.” Tears were beginning to well up in Jungkook’s eyes that grew increasingly glassy every time he blinked. You weren’t sure why Jungkook was telling you about Kyomi’s mother when he had been so adamant not to speak about her but you were glad he was opening up to you, even if it clearly hurt him to reopen the wounds of his past that only barely began to heal. “She went through with it anyway and I thought she was an idiot for it. God, she was only 22, who the fuck gives up their life for a baby they haven’t even met at 22?” Jungkook wiped a tear off of his face the second it fell and some of your own were beginning to sting your sensitive eyes which had grown rather sick of crying that week. But you couldn’t help it, not when Jungkook was so visibly upset about something that incredibly difficult, not when all you could think about was how hard it would be to recover.

“I got a call from the hospital a few hours after she was born; they told me I had a daughter over the phone and hung up, just like that. I brought an entire person into this world and found out about it the same way I order pizza. I felt sick and I didn’t know what to do so I ran to Namjoon all the way from my tiny ass apartment and he booked a flight with me, went to Japan with nothing more than a duffle bag he messily packed in the midst of the chaos. He stuck with me through the most difficult time of my life even when all I'd done for him is screw things up.” Jungkook was smiling with pride through the blur of his tears at the mention of the man he admired with every inch of his body. Namjoon truly was a saint and you were completely crying by the time he had confirmed that; trying to stay as quite as possible as Jungkook revealed out the darkest parts of himself to you. You could never tell he’d been through so much, how he kept such an agonising memory hidden from the world was beyond you.

“I didn’t know her well, barely knew her name but she sacrificed herself to bring Kyomi in the world. She trusted me, a stranger who was piss drunk at some college party to take care of the child she laid her life down for. I wanted- no, I want to make her proud. To let her know that what she did was worth it. She saw potential in me when no one else did, she gave me my miracle. Kyomi is the only reason I turned my life around and a lot of people tell me that I saved her, that I was so courageous for taking her into my care and not leaving her to the system, but she saved me. She’s the reason I am where I am today.” He paused for a second, and moved forward, reaching out to take your hand in his and coaxing you to sit next to him. It wasn't leering, you couldn't sense any ill intent if you'd looked for it so you complied, far too sympathetic to keep up your angry facade. When you were seated next to him, knees barely touching, he took both your hands in his, engulfing them to not only convey his emotions but to calm down his shivering hands. He looked at you with those same round Bambi-eyes that you remembered so well, the ones you thought he'd lost.

“Kyomi is exactly like you, Y/N. She’s smart, kind and picks up my slack whenever I screw up. She’s sassy when she wants to be and she always critiques every little thing in movies just like you used to do. I don’t know how, but I projected the parts of you that I loved the most onto her. I was afraid of being a horrible father, of doing what my parents did to me and putting too much pressure on her to succeed. I mistakingly associated you with that lifestyle. But, Y/N,” He moved his hands up to wipe away your tears and you continued to shy away from his haunted gaze, you were never good with eye contact and he knew that more than anyone else. Nonetheless, he held your chin softly and moved your face directly in front of his. “Look at me, baby. Your success had nothing to do with your parents, or mine or anyone else but you. You are not a product of the things I hated about my childhood and it was my mistake for thinking that for even a split second. I love you and I would love for you to stay in my life and Kyomi’s.”

That was the very first time either of you had said that you loved one another and even though you felt it for quite a while, you were always too afraid to speak it into existence. Even in that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to stop sniffling enough to tell him you loved him and Kyomi with every nanometre of your heart. Jungkook forced your head onto his shoulder, nestling your face into the crook of his neck where your sobs began to settle. Thankfully, Namjoon had volunteered to take Kyomi out for ice cream while he settled the mess he'd made. He wouldn’t know how to explain making you cry again to her. “I love you too and Kyomi, so much.” Jungkook could barely decipher your words which were almost incoherent, muffled by his shoulder and your subsiding tears. “I know and I’m so sorry. I promise I'll do better.” You believed him.

You weren’t sure how long you spent in that position but by the time you pulled away you were sure you looked like a mess. Jungkook’s shirt was damp but his face was dry, you couldn’t say the same about yours with your eyes that had swollen up the slightest bit. You exerted them a lot that week, they definitely deserved a break. “You soaked through my shirt.” “I think that's the least you deserve.” You joked with a smile and he chuckled, glad that the joy he had sucked out of you began to trickle back in again. You yawned and stretched your limbs which had been contorted into a weird position while you were crying your heart out earlier. Suddenly, a deep sense of exhaustion had consumed you and all you could think about was sleep.

You didn’t need to tell Jungkook that you were tired, he saw right through you all the time, which would definitely end up being problematic. “Are you seriously falling asleep on me, Y/N?” You could tell he wasn’t serious, but you definitely were; your eyes were far too tired to stay open. “Just let me sleep here for a bit.” Jungkook laughed at your negotiating but he genuinely couldn’t let you sleep over that night, even though he really wanted you to. “I’m sorry babe, but I have to fly out tomorrow morning for the last match.” You groaned through his explanation while he weaselled his hands around your waist to bring you up right against his chest and out of your sleepy state. You caved, sitting up on your own to put distance between you and looking at him with a worried gaze. “You better be careful, okay? I mean it Jungkook, even if you have to forfeit mid round and look like the biggest pussy in the world, you better do it.” Jungkook would have snickered at your demands if you weren’t completely serious which, you were. “Yes ma’am.” Jungkook playfully saluted in response reminding you of the very day you met Kyomi. He was definitely lying, there was no way he would risk being the laughing stock of the season but he'd say anything to satiate your pleading expression. “Before you go, you should take this.” Jungkook handed you the box of macarons from his coffee table and you took it apprehensively, unsure of what was inside. You didn't want to seem cheap. “What is this?” Jungkook didn’t clear up much after your question, just said “proof that I’m a culinary god” and sent you on your way. Or more accurately, he dropped you off at your home.

That night, when you had returned to your apartment with a heart that was just beginning to heal, the poor muscle had received yet another blow. When you opened the door to enter the place that had been your safe haven for the past four years, Seokjin had been waiting for you in the living room. “Why are you just sitting there in silence, aren’t you bored?” Before you could hurtle another joke at the man, you noticed the papers on your coffee table and your smile fell instantaneously. Jin looked vacant, as if he had no idea how to feel. Read the room, Y/N.

“Jin, what is that?” Your mind tired not to jump straight to the worst case scenario but there wasn’t much else the papers could mean. Still, a part of you hoped he’d jump up and say ‘get punked!’ with the promise of never pulling a horrible prank like that ever again. He didn't, and you knew he never would. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. Your parents they-” He didn’t even need to finish, not that he could bring himself to. You collapsed onto the floor on the other side of the table, hands struggling to grab at the papers as your world had not only caved in on you but flipped in on itself and shaken you mercilessly. The universe had a weird way of working, trading one heartbreak for another. And to top it all off you had to find out about your parents' simultaneous deaths through death certificates mailed with express post.

Whatever deity there was in the heavens that controlled your life must have been playing a sick, sick, game. The worst part of it all (outside of your parents dying, of course) was that you couldn’t even call Jungkook, the man you grew up with, for comfort. Not when his final match was right around the corner and the topic of your family made him retract into his shell like a terrified hermit crab. Jin didn’t know what to say, you were clearly upset but he knew very little about your family, you never really mentioned them outside of what they did for a living. There was more that he needed to tell you but he didn’t know how.

“Also, the letter was sent by uh- by Jeon Jungyun… Y/N, does Jungkook have a brother?”

Tag list: @ggukkieland @barbikatherine @yzkyzkuniverse @kookxin @namjeonii @euphoriagguks @/anon r :,) @simpforbangtan

[pluckyredhead]

I’m sorry, “angel mixed with a blob of protoplasm” WHAT?

I will admit that I put that line in as bait and I am SO HAPPY someone asked about it because it is one of my very favorite pieces of bonkers comics history, both for the bonkersness and because it led to some actually really amazing comics.

So from her debut in 1959 to her death in Crisis on Infinite Earths in 1986, Supergirl was the version most people know her as: Superman's cousin, Kara Zor-El, who came from Krypton just like he did. Her human alias was Linda Danvers.

However, when DC was building out their post-Crisis universe, they decided that they didn't want to have any Kryptonians but Superman. After all, how can he be the Last Son of Krypton when there's a Bottle City of Kandor, a whole mess of criminals in the Phantom Zone, a dog, a monkey, and Supergirl? So Kara Zor-El could no longer exist, not even as a memory.

But...Supergirl is a really valuable IP. So they needed to find a way to use that.

Enter Matrix.

Matrix comes from a pocket dimension that was basically created to tie up a whole bunch of Crisis-related loose ends and I'm not going to get into the details, but the short version is: Earth was attacked by rogue Kryptonians and had no superheroes to protect it, because their greatest hero, Superboy (Clark Kent), had vanished years ago. So Lex Luthor, a good guy in this universe, created a superbeing out of protoplasm based on the genetic matrix (hence the name) of his dead wife Lana Lang, dressed her up in a costume similar to Superboy's, and sent her to the nearest universe looking for him.

Instead she found Regular Superman and brought him back to help save her Earth, but...they completely failed and everyone died. WHOOPS. Clark killed the rogue Kryptonians (yup) and brought Matrix back to his Earth, where she stayed with his parents while she tried to figure out what to do with herself. She also briefly dated Regular Lex, thinking he was a good guy like her Lex.

Matrix had super strength and flight, but her other powers were different: she could shapeshift, turn invisible, and fire "psy-blasts." She was also sort of a blank slate of a character that DC didn't really know what to do with...

...until the 1996 Supergirl series. This was 80 issues long, all written by Peter David, and remains the best Supergirl run of all time. At the beginning of it, Matrix tries to save a human girl who is being sacrificed by a demonic cult, but fails - so instead she merges her protoplasmic body with the girl's, and they become one being. Not two minds in one body, but one completely unified entity.

The girl's name? Linda Danvers.

After the merging, Supergirl/Linda's powers changed: she still had strength, flight, and psy-blasts, but she could no longer turn invisible, and her shapeshifting was limited to switching between tall blonde Supergirl and petite brunette Linda. BUT! Due to Matrix's sacrifice, they had also become something known as an "Earth-born angel," so she also had flaming wings when she wanted them, flame-vision, teleporting through a flame tunnel, and the ability to judge the sins of the wicked.

After 50 issues of this, Linda "fell from grace" for complicated reasons and she and the angel part split off. Her powers were severely reduced and she couldn't shapeshift into tall blonde Supergirl anymore, so she had to wear a blonde wig while she fought crime (a reversal of the Silver Age, when Kara Zor-El wore a wig to become Linda Danvers) and she changed into a costume much closer to the Superman: The Animated Series one.

But in the early 2000s, DC decided to bring Kara Zor-El back, and Linda sort of wandered into the wilderness. (Literally. She had some traumatic things happen to her and just went MIA after sending Clark a letter telling him not to look for her.) Kara Zor-El is my all-time favorite character so I'm not mad that they brought her back, but I wish they had kept Linda as well. There's 19 Robins and 437 Green Lanterns, we could have two Supergirls.

But yeah, if you see a Supergirl between 1988 and 2002, that's Linda Danvers, and not a Kryptonian.

[dorkydiaz]

911 speculation time! (Also remembering back to s3 of Criminal Minds for a while, whoops)

So what if Lucy was the one who planted the car bomb, just so she could be the one to do the daring stunts to save the family. Msybe she also starts the fire at dispatch for the same reason. We find out in Hero Complex.

I mean, she figured out how to get the driver out of the car safely, and she seems very focused on the crazy rescues and getting on TV and all that. It seems like something she might do.

I mean, it could also be Jonah, but as much as I don't trust him, he doesn't strike me as the one with the hero complex. Any problem he has will more likely be because he loses his dream job with the 118 because Chimney comes back (Hallelujah! I can't wait for that day!)

Or it could be neither, and the car bomb plot was truly wrapped up in 5x11, but it seemed way too easy. It just feels like there should be more to it.

Is all of this speculation complete bs? Possibly! But I was completely right with my ideas of what the Buck, Eddie, Chimney, Maddie, and Albert did during quarantine. It's literally where my anon name came from! And I've successfully predicted several other things that have happened on this show, so 🤷‍♀️

I just think that would be a neat plot.

Also remember in Criminal Minds 3x09 when the police officer who had a hero complex targeted Garcia and shot her and she nearly died? Yeah, maybe not the getting shot thing, since they did that last season finale, but wouldn't that be quite the idea. Someone on the team seems like they're getting close to figuring it out so they get targeted. And Buck hasn't has a major injury since the pulmonary embolism, and that was the beginning of s3...

Also in that episode the Morgan/Garcia storyline fits Eddie/Buck so well. Like, Morgan was upset because his phone was off while he went to church for the first time in years so they couldn't get ahold of him when Garcia was in the hospital, and he was clearly beating himself up about it. And he was having a crisis of faith, and then the first time he prayed in years the most important person in his life got shot, so what does that say about God if he let that happen. Morgan insisting on staying on Garcia's couch until they caught whoever shot her. SAYING I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER (no I'm not still upset that they didn't end up together what are you talking about lmao).

Anyway, yeah. This got away from me. Sorry for rambling, I just consider that to be one of the best episodes of the Criminal Minds.

So yeah. Criminal Minds 3x09 but make it 911/Buddie. Also maybe speculation.

-Quarantine Anon

@quarantine-anon

I have nothing to add.

[jaeminscoffee]

Let me in. (m.)

Pairing- Lee Donghyuck x reader

Genre- Fluff, Smut, tiny bit of angst..?

Word count- 6.03k (ily I'm sorry oof)

Warning- sexual themes suggested, written horribly, slight corruption kink, bestfriend!haechan, slight possessiveness , fingering, praise kink, friends to lovers trope, cliché af. Also definitely not proof read.

Summary- When you let him in, paradise unfolded is an understatement.

(literally the first time i wrote based of a song and it was a really challenging but! fun experience so thank you for requesting this! This also gave me an idea of closing off my previous prompt as starting a song prompt..? )

➳ listen to Ooh La La La by Exo.

When i turn my head

My eyes meet yours

Once again I'm staring at you

That smile is a bit too much for me

It's hard being friends with a girl, so beautiful, so generous and giving and still not having her all for yourself. Or so was how Haechan felt. 

You were so close to him, yet so far. You always looked out for him as though he was your top priority, and that boosted his ego. You were his, to an extent. It's when Haechan thought it'd be the best to have you come over to the party his frat's throwing, wanting you to loosen up a little, he couldn't hold himself back. 

After the last bell to class rang, Haechan immediately started packing his bag, remembering Mark, his other half as you exclaimed had warned him not to be even a second late, saying something along the lines of 'apparently Johnny won't DJ for us unless we actually give him something materialistic' or something.

You watch with a wide smile, your best friend frantically reaching out under his desk to get out all books only to shove them carelessly into his bag, 

"Calm down, Hyuck. You still have 2 hours to reach there and the frat house' barely half an hour away" Haechan let out a curse having dropped around 3 of his books alongside that one pen he carries around, he turned towards you with his eyebrows furrowed.

Seeing you smile wide at him, laughing even at his misery weirdly had his heart skipping beats. It was a normality now to him. It wouldn't take a genius to guess he's whipped for you, everyone, other than you apparently knew about that. 

Filled with an ease leaving me to burn

I can't breathe when i see your eye smile 

It's like you know that's your charm

"Hey don't smile at me like that! What type of a friend are you even?" Haechan exclaimed dramatically, completely ignoring how his heart had started beating just a little faster, breathing growing just a little frantic, face heating up just a little. 

"What?? I'm not supposed to smile now?" you ask with the same exaggeration, lifting your hands up to hit him softly when he got a hold of your hand, pulling you in for a hug,

"Don't ditch me at the party, I'll be waiting, love you bye!" he said it all in one breath, patting your back, placing a peck on your forehead before leaning down and picking up his  bag before dashing out of the door. 

You stood there still, bringing your palms up to your cheeks to calm the heat down. 

It's the thoughts or prejudice that you had that friends are supposed to stay friends that had you constraining your feelings for the lad. You'd be an idiot to have a whole package of what a good, ideal man is supposed to be like right beside you but still not fall for him. That's impossible even, worse than mission impossible.

"Love you too.." you say out low, mostly to yourself as you give yourself a second to calm down before moving forward to pack your own things up, leaving the classroom as soon as you're done to go set things up before the 'party' tonight. 

It didn't take long for you to decide what to wear. Simple, a skirt and a blouse. They were your usual fit anyway and you didn't like all those jazzy, flashing, revealing clothes people usually wear to parties. A pleated white skirt that fell mid thigh, a black and white striped long sleeve turtleneck shirt which you paired with a silver butterfly pendant, ending it with  black suede boots. 

 Sandra, your neighbor ergo a close acquaintance of yours, offered you a ride to the venue, having her boyfriend DJ there. She informed you how she'd be one of the ones to serve the drinks, adorning a shocked expression when you told her you don't drink. 

"Friend's with Lee Haechan yet you don't drink? No way" the elder exclaimed, you let out a laugh, remembering the last time the said boy had forced a drink down your throat, an action he regrets till date. "He might be a heavy drinker, i think the max i can handle is either a glass of wine or a bottle of breezer, nothing more and nothing less" 

You arrive at the frat house relatively faster than usual, thanks to Sandra's amazing driving skills, but you were immediately abandoned as she spotted her boyfriend, Johnny, in the yet to fill room. No doubts you had arrived early as the boys that you recognize as Felix, Han, Renjun, Jaemin, Jeno, Yangyang, Mark, San, and three others you didn't know quite well off, were arranging the red party cups and bottles on the kitchen counter. 

You scan your eyes all around the room to locate your possible crush, well, best friend in the crowd. Eyes landing at the figure leaning against the wall towards the stairs as he spoke to Hyunjin, a white tee tucked into his usual black knee slit skinny jeans topped with a blue checkered oversized t-shirt which was left unbuttoned made him look absolutely breathtaking. Not to mention, his hair was gelled back, with only a few strands let loose to hover over his forehead. Godly. The only word that could describe him. 

Maybe you might've stood there looking at him for way too long, potentially drooling even because he should've felt your intense gaze upon himself, as he turned his head away from the long haired boy, looking all over the place mimicking your actions from before to spot the gaze, landing upon you. 

Haechan physically shudders, how could one look that flawless? He pats his friend on the shoulder, making his way around him with slow strides towards you. It's hard to keep his feelings intact when you look like that, that ethereal, and his hands to himself. That's a catch. He loved seeing you in your plaid skirts. But he hated that it's not just him who gets to see you like that. Haechan wanted you to dress up for him. Look pretty for him. Be pure for him. Be his. And maybe, just maybe, tonight he'd have enough courage to ask you out. 

Your eyes are whispering to me

It's like they're asking me to approach. 

Intoxicated by his looks, being able to see no one but him, you make your way towards him too, replacing the fangirling face with a smile that he adored oh so much. 

"Hyuck! Hey!" you walk faster stepping out of your daze, pulling him into a hug, before hitting his shoulders slightly, "Next time, learn to pick up your phone" you exclaim, pulling away not too far, having his hands rest on top of your hips as you look into his eyes. Haechan mumbled something incoherent under his breath, shaking his head subtly. "sorry sorry, my phone was in the other room and pretty sure you called me when we were checking the music systems" 

"you're lucky Sandra lives like, right next door. I was actually planning on ditching the party and just binge watch the office" you playfully nag at him, hitting his shoulder this time. You push yourself away from him, involuntarily, wanting to cherish his warmth a little longer, but that'd be sketchy.

"Anyways! How do I look?" you wriggle your eyebrows before doing a twirl, which had your skirt slightly lift up a bit, Haechan visibly gulps, stopping you with your hand, "ugly as usual" he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Seeing your face dim down a bit, he lets out a chuckle, "do you really need me to tell you that you're beautiful, doll?" he pulled you in again, lifting his head up when he heard sounds of gagging, a sign of disgust from somewhere around the pair of you. 

" 'do you really need me to tell you that you're beautiful, doll?' oh cut it out you filth." exclaimed a voice in a distorted manner behind you. You turn around to face a senior of yours, a close friend. "Mark!" you extend your hand out to do your infamous handshake, that lasts at least for over 15 seconds that had Haechan roll his eyes. 

"says the filthiest himself" he let out, making you snort in a not so attractive way. "Hey, at least i'm not the one flirting with my best friend here" Mark pointed out, fingers wrapped around the party cup with god knows what drink. "you flirt with anything breathing" you add, laughing as he sends a wink your way. 

"You look stunning, Y/n" "Now who's flirting huh?" Haechan said, suddenly all up his guard. "woaw, not flirting because someone would whoop my ass later, but stating facts is all i did" Mark smirked, turning back as someone screamed out his name, "well I'll catch up later, gotta blast! Byeee!" he let out hurriedly, making his way towards the back of the house.

"I'll go get us some drinks, cranberry? Or lemon?" he asked, knowing the obvious answer. "Cranberry, duh" you reply with sass to which he let out a loud laugh. 

"You got it"

Maybe you believed that it's time you break your own limits, or maybe you just wanted to seem cool to Donghyuck. Whatever the reason was had you drink more than what your tolerance allowed you to. You felt euphoric and sick at the same time. You weren't completely gone just yet, you were still sober, surprisingly. The actual surprise is that Haechan, the usually 'I'll end all drinkers carrier' type of guy, stopped at just a bottle of beer. 

Reaching out to the glass Renjun held out towards you as an offer, you felt your hands being swatted away, making you flinch slightly. 

"That's enough drinks for her tonight" he said, shoving his friends hand away slightly as you whined. "i can handle a drink more" you reply, reaching out again, "no you can't, and no you won't" he insisted, raising his eyebrows at you in a challenging way, wanting to see if you'll oppose him. 

It might've been the intoxicating liquid in your system at the moment, but staring back at Haechan had the bottom of your stomach churning. You look away with the same speed you initiated the eye contact with. 

"You're not my dad.." you mumble, puckering your lips into a small pout as you hear his friends laugh at your slight quarrel. 

"but i am your boy- best friend. And for a fact, i know you'll fall unconscious if you take another drink" Jaemin starts hooting slowly at Haechan's slight slip up.

"Tsk, whatever" you reply, rebelling against him and taking the bottle out of Renjun's hand as he stared at you, amusement clearly evident on his face. 

"Feisty. I like how you don't listen to hyuck, maybe we should be best friends" he let out, holding out his fist to fist bump yours, which you do, sticking your tongue out at your best friend. 

"Okay! Let's play, put a finger down if you have!" Yangyang suggested, eyes scanning all your faces to see if anyone's not feeling the game today. Seeing everyone do nothing but nod, he starts dictating, asking them to put up five fingers. The first person to lose out apparently has to either take shots or confess their deepest secrets. 

The first rounds went well, easy questions which made you feel bored, slight headache striking in, making you rest your head on Haechan's shoulder. Sensing weight on his shoulder, he turned his head towards the side, looking at you with concern, a glint of 'I told you' shining through the orbs. 

"tell me off later, my head hurts real bad" you mumble, soft enough for only him to hear before he could nag at you. Saying nothing else other than shifting closer to you for you to get comfortable he said, "Just sleep, I'll take you home".

The moment you close your eyes after his words, you hear Jeno blurt out the next question, it being his turn to do so. 

"put a finger down if you've ever been head over heels for your best friend", His other friends chuckle, while Jeno smirked at Haechan, too tired to open your eyes to see who put a finger down, you fail to notice Haechan put a finger down, looking down at you all worn out on his shoulder, his circle feigning disgust. 

The game was probably long done, the party might've also ended, you must've fallen asleep because the next time you open your eyes, you find yourself in your best friend's bedroom, still feeling tired. Looking outside the window, seeing it's still dark outside, you turn to the side, flinching just a bit when you find Haechan at the side of the bed, arms folded over the sheets as he rests his head on top of it. It must've been uncomfortable kneeling on the floor for that long. 

You take the chance to look at him properly, well, better than the past god knows how many years into your friendship. You take your time to roam your eyes all over his facials. Gawking at the moles adorning his tanned skin, lifting your fingers up to feather over them. Your hands then move to the scars at each corner of his eyebrows, chuckling as you remember how he got them. 

You brush his dishevelled hair out of his face, the action making Haechan stir in his slumber which had you stop your moments completely. Running your fingers through his hair one last time, about to pull your hands away from him to not wake him up you feel his hands grip your wrist, holding it in place. 

You yelp, not expecting him to be awake, "why did you stop? I was about to fall asleep" he whines out, getting up from the floor, standing to his full height which makes you shift, leaning your back against the headboard to look at him more comfortably. 

"Did you carry me up here?" you asked, voice a little hoarse as the alcohols after effects had your throat burn. "Nope, you just zapped here. Of course I carried you" he replied, masking his flustered look at how you looked, face glowing, eyes hazed and on bed. His bed. 

"Does it hurt for you to reply normally for once..?" you open your eyes a little wider in genuine curiosity 

Oh la la la, please allow me 

Oh la la la, into your imagination 

I'll go right in, so let me in

I'll dance in your eyes 

Oh la la la, the moment our gazes meet. 

Replying is hard, keeping his eyes away from your lips is hard, to stop himself from slowly leaning forward was hard too. You're killing him. The alcohol in his system did nothing more than fuel his desires for you.

It's weird, how one moment, you're whining at your best friend being a sarcastic hoe to how your breath gets caught in your lungs the next moment at the sight of your crush leaning closer to you. 

It's weird how all those thoughts of, 'friends should stay friends' were thrown right out of the window when he was now, just inches away from you, noses grazing each other.

The proximity was that where you could feel his breath fanning your lips. Now that's weird too, weren't you just having a normal conversation? 

Haechan snaps out of it, you're probably drunk. He pulls away just as you close your eyes, ready to bask in the feeling of his lips against yours. 

"I can't.. You'll forget all this by tomorrow, I'll wake you up before class, have some rest." He said, avoiding eye contact as you felt a pang of disappointment hit you. 

That night, all Haechan could think of was your slightly parted lips, eyes fixated on your lips and your slow, shallow, small breath. 

You've never felt awkward around Haechan, neither do you want to feel awkward around him, but each time you see him, all you're reminded of is how close you were to change your friendship into something else. 

On the other hand, Haechan wanted to hit himself for cowering out once again. He was so close to finally making you his. But now all he's left with is a sexual tension so thick that could be cut by a knife. He wanted you. He craved you.

It only started working him up more the day you called him over to your studio apartment for a movie night, ignoring all past events over the week. Them being, Haechan becoming a much touchy friend. He's always been a physical affection shower either ways. 

Haechan complied, arriving at your place with a large bag of Doritos. Greeting you with a huge smile, ignoring the fast beating of his heart when you reciprocate the same expression. 

"Heyyy! Missed me? I know! I missed me too" Haechan said, making his way around you quickly to hide the crimson that took place on his cheeks, not wanting you to see it. 

"I did" you say quietly, closing the door as Haechan made himself comfortable on your couch, having set the chip packet in the kitchen counter. 

He mentally took a note of your outfit, plain black shorts that were a little too short for the sake of his heart not falling right out, and a white shirt, a crop top, to be precise.

"It's your turn to choose the movie" you say, making your way towards the other side of the couch. "Monsters inc?" he answers as you whine, having already regret the choice of giving him the liberty. 

"Hyuck we watched that movie about like, 5 times, when will you get over it?" you ask

"Never so stop whining and watch the movie with me." he replied with the sass you were oh so familiar with, making you roll your eyes. 

Ah, it's going to be a long night. 

You were lost in your own thoughts, not paying attention to the movie much as you remember the night at the frat house. It's impossible to get Lee Haechan out of your mind. It's impossible because you know he has his eyes on you right now. Looking at you, oblivious to the fact that you knew of his gaze. 

"Hyuck.. " you call him out, turning to face him from your side of the couch. Haechan looks away momentarily, flustered as you caught him stare at you. He hums in response, keeping his eyes fixed on the screen. 

"About that night in your room" you start, turning completely, your body facing him as you sit criss cross. Haechan visibly tenses up, thinking you're about to tell him off for crossing the line, "Y/n, about that, i'm- i'm sor-"

"Do you like me?"

Right now, in this moment, the space between us

Is filled with this strong trembling 

Becoming a rhythm and drawing me in

Let your body move to it however you'd like. 

Haechan was caught off guard by your question, blinking, once, twice, even shaking his head to see if he's imagining things, "Huh?" he asked just for confirmation. 

"Do you like me..?" you repeated, slower, heart racing in anticipation as you lean forward a bit, waiting for his reply.

"What are you going to do if I say.. Yes?" he asked, eyebrows raised as he leaned forward a little too. You had the strong urge to want to lean back from the proximity, feeling blood rush up to your cheeks but you stood your ground, wanting to do this right here. Right now. 

"Then I'll continue what we almost started" you exclaim, the smile he loves so much finding its way onto your face.

"Will you? Really?" he asked, scooting closer to you, something about his eyes switching gazes when you lean further, making your shirt come down a bit. You nod, that's when he pulls you forward by your arms, making you let out a sound of surprise as you crash onto his side, looking at him with your eyes widened. 

"Then yes." he whispered after leaning close to your ears, you feel yourself growing hot each passing second. The position is extremely intimate. You pull away to look into his eyes, to spot any signs of all this being nothing more than just a joke. You lose it when he looks at you with a strong gaze, eyebrows slightly raised, lips drawn into a small smile, immediately pressing yours onto his after staring it for way too long.

His hands found their way around your waist, tugging at you slowly, gesturing you to get onto his lap. 

An odd smile that doesn't let on

Seeing through the curiosity driving me on

And sending a sign

You oblige, as your lips move in unison, Haechan shifted in his seat to a better position, man spreading to let you sit better on his lap all while still not letting go of your lips. 

His hands find their way under your crop top, letting his arms wander the bare skin of your back, his cold touch in contrast to your warm body making you gasp. Haechan takes the opportunity of your parted lips to enter your mouth, tongue pressing against yours making you whine. 

You pull away only when you feel your lungs practically begging for a puff of air even, tugging softly at his slightly grown hair, letting out an airy giggle at the sight of your lip color smeared at the corner of his lips. 

"That was way better than all I've imagined it to be" Haechan smiled at you, pressing his forehead against yours, pulling you closer by the hips. You look away from his gaze, "you've imagined kissing me?" you ask softly, playing with the charm hanging off his neck.

"way too many times to keep a count" he replied, placing another peck on your lips, pulling away immediately, laughing as you subconsciously follow his lips. 

He finally let's you press onto his lips once again, groaning as your teeth clash from how fast you were at finding his lips. You whimper when his hands squeeze at your sides.

You jerk forward, testing the waters as you move your lips from his lips, to his neck, peppering the skin with kisses, giving extra attention to those moles you adored that were scrawled all over his skin, occasionally nibbling at the spot you left a wet trail at. 

It's like you're telling me to open the door

To your slightly open heart and come right in

Please allow me 

Into your imagination 

I'll go right in, so let me in

I'll dance in your eyes

The moment our gazes meet. 

He sighs in content  at the feeling of your plush lips pressed against his skin, "I won't be able to control myself if you keep going, doll" you continue your ministration.  Then don't" you say, trying to sound as sultry as possible. Having waited so long to have Donghyuck as more than just friends had you desperate for any sort of contact from his side. 

You could sense his slight hesitation, maybe he didn't want to rush things, maybe he just couldn't get himself to do it, or maybe, he was just nervous.  

Should I really try making a move now? 

What should be the first thing I say? 

The moment I hesitate, thinking it over

You get up and walk away. 

You stand up, from his lap, looking at his eyes, nodding so softly that he'd miss it if he'd blink as you make your way towards your bedroom, smiling. You tug at your shirt, slowly, above your head, not daring to turn to look back at Donghyuck's reaction, a triumphant look washing over your facial as you hear him growl with that honey voice of his. 

He must've stared at your back a little too long, seeing your hair cover the top half of your torso as you turned towards your bedroom, looking at him one last time before entering the room which was illuminated with just your fairy lights. 

Even as I look at your bold back from far away

Your slow pace is telling me to follow

Girl just tell me what you like

It's like you're telling me to hurry

"she'll be the death of me.. " he ruffled his hair, before getting up to walk down the same pathway as you. 

Walking into your bedroom, Haechan was more than sure that the sight before him was the most ethereal sight he'd seen his entire life. 

You sat by the foot of the bed, adorned in only your black lace bra, the black shorts, and your hair left open in all glory. He swallows the lump forming in his throat, mood switching so fast because the boy you walked away from, Lee Haechan, the one hesitant to take it this far, was now replaced with the Lee Haechan, walking towards you with long, confident strides. 

As he comes to stand in front of you, he bends down, snaking one of his arms around your waist, pulling you up and close to his body. 

"tell me, have you been dreaming about me just the way I've dreamt about you?" he leans closer to the nape of your neck, running the tip of his nose along the unexpectedly sensitive skin up to your ears, nibbling at the earlobe. 

"Have you waited for all this just as much as i have? Tell me, princess" he rasps out as you place your hands gently by the belt loop of his jeans. 

Please allow me

Into your reality 

Not trusting your voice, you nod, wanting to feel his lips against yours once again but Haechan held onto you with a firm grip, 

"Tell me, baby. Words, those are the keys. Use your words" He moved from nibbling onto your earlobe to marking territory onto your skin that had you jerking forward, further into his body. 

I'll approach you, so hold onto me

Tell me that you were waiting

The moment i reached you

You huff out, opening your mouth the exact moment he took hold of your chin with a gentle grip, looking at your orbs with so much expectation, so much adoration, so much love, so much lust. 

"I've waited a long time too." you start 

"I waited for so long; the day in your room, during that night, I was so happy when you approached me, but then you pulled away. You made me wait enough Hyuck, please let me feel you now? I want you. No. I need you" 

You didn't pay attention to his heaving chest, or how his eyes were turning into a whole darker shade of ebony, instead, stood on your tip toe and engulfed his slightly puffy lips with yours. 

Haechan didn't deny the kiss, dying to take you quick there itself when the first sentence left your lip, but he wanted to take it slow, he wanted to show you how much he's waited for this too. How much he likes you and he wanted to make sure you felt it from each action of his. 

He urged you to move backwards, closer towards the edge of the bed, not breaking the kiss even for a second, his hands securing around your waist as he slowly bends down to place you on the quilt. 

His hands make their way back, fiddling with the hook of your bra as he breaks the kiss with one last peck at the corner of your lips. "i need you too, doll. I need you just as much as you need me, maybe even twice as much" he mumbles against the soft skin of your collarbone, tapping at your back with the tip of his finger once he had the hooks undone to pull the material away from your body. 

Shyness suddenly overpowers all lust, you bring up an arm to cover your now exposed breast while Haechan is busy throwing your clothing behind him. 

Turning around, facing you, he smiles at you, gently prying your hand away from your chest leaving your torso bare naked in front of him which had you shut your eyes with embarrassment. 

"Look at me, baby." Donghyuck urges you. 

You give yourself a second, inhaling sharp as you flutter your eyes open, looking straight into his eyes. "You have no reason to hide yourself from me" he pulls away after placing a peck in the valley of your chest. He tugs at the edge of his hoodie, pulling it over his head before discarding it behind.

"Here. Now we both are half naked" he smiles at you as you mirror his expression. 

Donghyuck wasn't all that built, he wasn't not built either. Ever since Renjun started forcefully dragging Haechan to the gym, he'd lost that baby stomach that you loved to poke at during class just to annoy him, now replaced with very faint ab lines which, you were sure you'd grow a liking for pretty soon.

You whimper at the feeling of his lips graze over hardened nipples, jolting forward when he lifts hands from above your hips to your neck where he'd previously left his mark, tracing the reddish purple/brownish skin. 

He latches his lips onto one nib, swirling his tongue around the hardened muscle, his free hand making its way south, waiting for any signs of protest before dragging the short down, shifting his attention over to the untended nipple. 

"beautiful.. " he mumbles against your wet nipple, blowing onto it later, all sensation making you feel ecstatic.

"Hyuck, I need-..need you" you choke out.

"I know, princess. But we need to prepare you a little, hm?" he lets out, voice a few octaves deeper than usual, as he finally tugs your panties down your leg, letting it slide itself onto the floor.

Haechan looks at you, expression blissful from all the attention you're getting. You quickly nod, looking at him giving him a hundred percent access to do you however he likes when you notice his eyes silently ask for consent. 

He feathers his thumb over your clit, smiling at how responsive you are to his touches. He slowly starts drawing circles onto the sensitive bud, pressing his lips to the side of your face, whispering sweet nothings into your ears. 

"Haechan!" you whine out, his words only adding to the pleasure. Experimentally, he moves his finger down to your slit, feeling your slick wetness coat his fingers making him let out a throaty sound of satisfaction. 

He did this to you. 

That had his ego boost shoot right up the roof. He let the tip of his middle finger poke at your entrance, cooing at you while pressing it inside of you. "So wet, baby. All for me?" he questions, slowly moving his wrist back and forth.

You nod frantically, "Hm? Words?" he pushes, slightly picking up the speed. 

"All for you, H-haechan. It's.. It's -all for you" you cling onto his forearm, as he coax you closer to your orgasm. "That's right baby, it's all for me" he presses his lips against your cheeks once again.

He adds in another finger when he knows you're close, speeding up even further, curling the digits in you which had your eyes roll back. 

Your orgasm washes over you with so much intensity the moment he engulfs your nipple once again. Slowly helping you ride out your orgasm, only removing his fingers from within you when you started to writhe from overstimulation. 

"You did so well doll, can you take one more?" he asked sweetly as you calmed down. That's when you realized how selfless he'd been, now looking down at the dent on his jeans which looked a little painful. 

You get up after nodding as you watch Haechan unbuckle his belt, removing the jeans along with his boxer, adding it to the pile of clothes behind him, you lean forward, "Your turn" you tell as Haechan's face contorts into confusion. 

Finally realizing what you mean, he smiles at you, pulling you into another loving kiss as he runs a hand down your messed up hair. "Maybe another time? I just want to feel you around me now, princess, i can't wait longer" 

With that, he made you lay back down, "condom?"

"It's fine, I'm on pills" you rub your hand up and down his hands that were beside you, balancing his body above yours. The thought of going raw inside you made Haechan's member twitch. 

He runs his member up and down your wet sex, coating it with your essence before letting the head poke at your entrance as it expands with each inch he enters in, the wetness making it so much easier to enter. 

He lets out a groan that sounded so much like a whine, finally having been able to feel your walls perfectly fit around his shaft. He leans down, now balancing himself on his elbows as you finally give him the go ahead sign. 

He interlocks your lips with his as he slowly starts moving his hips into yours. "You feel so good for me, doll. Fuck." he rasps out against your lips. 

He had to hang onto the last of his rationality to not ram into you, you just felt that good around him, and he felt so good inside of you. 

Haechan slowly picks up the pace, now moving a little faster against your hips as you reduce down to a moaning mess, chains of his name leaving your mouth continuously.

"Hyuck, i..I'm close" you moan out, the little sensitivity you'd left from your previous orgasm slightly striking in. Your moans encouraged Haechan to go faster.

Testing the water, he pull moves back completely to a point where only his tip's inside of you, "Yeah?"  he questioned while slamming back inside of you, making his tip brush against your soft spot which coaxed you closer to your high. 

"Yes-" you whimper, when he finally let go and snapped, desperate to chase his high. The new pace having him constantly hit the pleasure spot. 

You start clenching around his member, not wanting to orgasm before him. "Fuck baby, me too. I'm close too" 

"Haechan im.. I'm coming-" you let out a long loud moan as you feel yourself being thrown towards your edge, face contorting into that of pure bliss, as the constant clenching helped drag him towards his high. 

"Shit, Y/n" he immediately pulled out, feeling his own high wash over his, pumping the wet shaft a few more times before spurting ribbons of his essence all over your lower abdomen. He kept going until he felt himself grow soft in his grip. 

He clashes down beside you once wiping his hands down on the sheets which you most definitely have to wash the next day. 

"Don't fall asleep on me baby, i want to ask you something" Haechan lets out quickly as he finds you blinking slowly, most probably out of exhaustion. 

"I'm not.." you hoarse out. 

"I mean it when i say, i like you, Y/n. Heck, i think I'm in love with you" he starts flipping so that his back was on the sheets with you on top of him. 

"So.. Will you.. Will you be my-"

"Yes!" you reply fast, suddenly having sparks of energy flow through you. 

"you didn't let me complete my question though" he chuckles, pressing a peck onto the crown of your head. 

"Yes. I will be your girlfriend!" you make yourself a little clearer this time around. Girlfriend. His. 

"That.. Means.. You're mine?" he asks, unsure if he should ask so or not. 

You nuzzle further into his chest, tightening your grip around his bare torso. 

"I'm yours"

Now i approach you,

You and I have grown closer.

[redrose-arrow]

hi it's me, Crowley/Halt/Duncan anon back again. anyways it's snowing over here so i figured i'd talk about snow/winter stuff with the AU because hehe >:))))) (note that a good chunk of this. may or may not be projection bhsjds)

Anyways.

- Halt never liked snow much. It was too cold, it always made his joints hurt (especially the hands-- Halt remembers struggling to even write because of how bad his knuckles were acting up one night during a snowstorm), it made travel difficult, and he always ended up getting sick, occasionally for weeks at a time. Even while he and Cody were with Pritchard, he refused to talk about it, because he was used to just being brushed off for complaining and whining about "normal winter things" back in Dun Kilty that he figured Pritchard would do the same thing.

- Cody, meanwhile, loved snow. They used to sit in the library for hours on end during the winter, either staring outside while feeling warm and cozy inside or just calmly reading books with a cup of tea or coffee, usually with one of their older brothers nearby. When they were younger, when the family didn't feel so broken, they adored going on walks outside with their mom-- it was one of the few times she didn't seem so stressed. They'd spend time walking around the grounds, getting into snow fights, and building snow sculptures big and small for an hour or two before heading inside and drinking some hot chocolate. It was the highlight of their year and of the snowy season in general

- The first time winter rolled around when Halt and Cody were in Araluen, Halt's dread was nearly palpable. The two had prepared as much as they could--big fluffy cloaks, warm clothes, lots of options for hot drinks--but no matter what they did, he could feel the stiffness in his joints, the dull ache, the progression of the pain getting worse and worse like always.

- They ended up holing up in a lot of inns for most of the winter. They still did what they normally did--brutally murdering supporters of Morgorath wherever they might be found--but it wasn't anywhere near as frequent. Halt just... physically couldn't manage it, between the pain and the stiffness that winter and just general cold temperatures always caused.

- But at least someone was there this time. At least Halt had support this time.

- (Meanwhile, Cody was pissed that Halt had been struggling with this for years and had never been able to tell anyone or get help or support for it. How many months of suffering and pain could he have been saved from had they noticed, or had he trusted anyone enough to talk about it?)

- The first time it starts snowing after they'd met Crowley and Duncan, Cody talks about Halt's struggles with them so they're aware. Mostly because they're 90% sure Halt won't talk about it himself, but also because Crowley's been talking about sending them both on missions separately-- which would mean Halt wouldn't necessarily have what he needed in order to make it through the winter easily.

- Crowley and Duncan agree on a change of plans. Halt ends up working on logistics with Crowley, avoiding going out unless absolutely necessary-- breaks in order to rest because of flare ups are allowed for, but they happen less frequently because Halt isn't being forced to go outside as much (thank god)

- This change of plans actually ends up helping a lot-- they get a lot of things done, and Halt ends up managing to draw up a list of nobles, generals, and officers who may be working for Morgorath. Cody is able to take that list, check things out, and get folks arrested for treason if they end up finding suspicious items (because, apparently, they're no longer allowed to kill offending persons).

whoops this ended up a lot more Cody- and Halt-centric than i intended bhsdjs anyways i hope you enjoy

I genuinely forgot that I had an inbox - until I sent an ask myself :'). Sorry, anon!!!

anyhow. back to business. Halt and Cody. beloveds.

(also, I absolutely love the snow, and am sad that we probably won't have any this year, and am jealous.)

"when they were younger, when the family didn't feel so broken" is the rawest sentence and will now be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

LMAO CODY BEING A LITTLE SALTY OVER NO LONGER GETTING TO KILL THE TRAITORS IS PEAK CONTENT

also I love Halt staying inside with Crowley (and probably Duncan, right? right?). makes me wonder what other things they tried to keep him warm and i swear i don't mean it just that way.

also, as far as I'm concerned, Halt despising winter and snow is no longer just part of this AU, it's canon.

thanks again for the amazing story anon, i love hearing them!!!

[thiswasinevitableid]

Okay well then!!!! I am very glad and excited to share my most recent idea I had while rereading Yeti Hunting again!! And the new Incubus one too!! They're almost exactly the same idea, just different flavors I suppose. Also Joe is trans in both the ideas but that's less to do with the ideas themself and more to do with just me projecting on him sgfjgsjfhsjdh

Okay so it's like a reverse au so Stern is some kind of cryptid, but as far as Barclay knows they're just two good human friends (but maybe they wanna be a little more than friends...). And then one day Joseph goes into heat and tells Barclay he's sick to try to keep him away, but Barclay being the sweetest man alive goes to his house with fresh soup to take care of him and Joe seems really panicked about Bar being there and tries to make him leave but he is CLEARLY unwell and Barclay is very stubborn when it comes to helping people he cares about and so he plants himself down on the couch and says he's not leaving until Joe tells him what's wrong and Stern tries to hold onto his human form but it's taking too much focus and energy and whoops Barclay finds out his friend not human and currently in distress and so horny it hurts and if he can help his friend and fuck him at the same time, well then that's just a win all around (bonus points if at the end Barclay is kinda sad because he thinks Joe just needed somone to fuck him, not nessacarry Barclay, but Joe frantically assures him that he is SUPER into him and if it were anyone else he would have kicked them the hell out and probably skipped town bc he couldn't trust anyone else with a secret like this).

Or!! (This is where the incubus part comes in) Joe is an incubus and currently hiding out in his human disguise at the Amnesty lodge and it's going fine for a while, but then he starts talking to and getting to know the really hot chef. And they slowly start growing closer and closer. And maybe in this world, the power an Incubus gets from sex depends just as much on their desires as it does the human's. And this has never been an issue for Stern before, but now he's falling for Barclay and wants him and no one else so he's getting less and less energy from his encounters and Barclay is worried about him because he doesn't seem like himself anymore. Almost as if he's... dulled? When Barclay looks at him the blue of his eyes seem muted and his general aura seems... gray. And it all comes to ahead when Joe finally stops insisting he's fine and after dinner one night he asks if he can speak to Barclay privately, and he comes clean about everything and Barclay, while a little shocked, rolls with it very well and cups Joe's face in his hands and kisses him softly and it like,,, you should have come to me sooner, I'd do anything for you,,, and yeah it's really tender,,,,

Okay that's it I'm sorry it's so long and probably incoherent. I tried to use at least little formatting to make it better but it's a tumblr mobile ask, I'm not sure even the new paragraphs will translate over. The general idea is that they're close friends and Stern is Not Human and Barclay finds out under less than ideal circumstances :3 I know these are far from original or unique but I just wanted to share my ideas with you bc you're the inspiration for a good 70% of my private writings, but if you like them enough and ever feel like doing something with them that'd be cool ;3

Here you go! I went with scenario one. Content Note: some “mating” talk and mild subdrop at the end (which is, of course, taken care of)

The two canvas bags are ready to burst. Barclay peers into them, contemplating the addition of another box of tea, in case Joseph doesn’t like the other two. Mama was cagey when he asked, he doesn’t know what’s ailing the other man, only that he’s sick. 

Joseph manages Amnesty Lodge, where Barclays’ been a cook for the last six months. Barclay was initially wary of him; his cosmopolitan bearing and clean-cut appearance is so out of place in the rustic mountain town of Kepler that the logical explanation is he’s one of those city types who fell on hard times and got stuck here. 

It took less than forty-eight hours for him to prove Barclay wrong. Polite and polished, efficient and stunningly good in a crisis, Joseph handles the day to day chaos of the lodge while Mama, the owner, took care of the big picture stuff. His friendly greetings and consistent compliments about Barclays cooking gradually turned to afternoons spent at a table with his work so they could talk during lulls in business. 

When Joseph leaned against the counter, sleeves rolled up, laughing as he helped Barclay tidy the kitchen, the cook rushed headlong into his crush and never looked back. He regularly dreams of blue eyes and a movie-star face, finds his day doesn’t really start until Joseph pokes his head in to say good morning. 

He’s been without that greeting for two days now. Joseph never misses work, and his sudden absence worried Barclay enough that he checked with Mama to be sure the manager was okay.

“Joe’s fine big fella, just under the weather is all.”

The one time Barclay got sick, Joseph brought him tea and soup himself, checked in on him every hour, and--if Barclay’s fever addled brain is to be trusted--fluffed his pillows. It’s the least Barclay can do to drop off snacks and be sure his friend is okay. 

It’s a short drive to cabin Joseph calls home; he used to live at the Lodge, but as it got more crowded, he moved to his own space so those who needed a cheap, safe place to stay could have one. 

His knock on the door is answered by a brisk, “Who is it?”

“Barclay. I, uh, I brought you a get-well gift.”

Joseph opens the door to the cabin and to an entire new universe of fantasies. His normally slicked-back hair falls, relaxed, across his forehead, his loosely tied blue robe shows a tantalizing V of skin, and the dreamy-sleepy expression makes his face even more kissable. 

“Hi.” Joseph takes a step forward, taking the bags and bringing his face achingly close to Barclays’. Then he freezes, reversing into the house, “I, um, it was very sweet of you to bring all this. But you need to go.” He takes another step back, then doubles over with a groan. 

Barclay hurries across the threshold, setting the bags on the floor and steadying him over to the couch.

“Fuck, do you need me to get you like a heat pack, or a puke bucket?”

“No, no I just need to lay down, and for you to g-” he shudders, curling in on himself and tipping sideways. 

“Joseph, you’re really sick, I’m not gonna just leave you here. I mean, fuck, what if it’s your appendix or something?” He sits down next to the shaking man, rubbing his back comfortingly. 

“It’s not, I promise. Oh lord” he whines, looks at Barclay with frantic eyes, “I hope you can keep a secret.”

“Of course I can. Whatever I can do to help, I want to.” 

“Careful with those promises, big guy.” The nickname comes out in a growl as Joseph stands, undoing his wristwatch. 

“Oh FUCK!” Barclay scrambles back, almost falling over the arm of the couch.

There’s a monster where Joseph just was. Years ago Barclay saw a Maned Wolf in a zoo, and he’d swear that’s what he’s looking at now were it not for several glaring issues. First, it’s standing comfortably on two legs. It’s paws are more like hands, able to hold the watch and adjust the collar of its shirt. And he’s never seen a wolf, maned or otherwise, with spines down its back and a whip-like tail.

The creature runs a clawed hand through the fur at the top of it’s head, the way Joseph does when he’s nervous,  “So. I can’t tell you everything, at least not right now. What I can tell you is that this is the form I was born into, somewhere far away from earth.”

“Okay.” Barclays brain grinds like a broken ice machine as a familiar voice speaks to him from a fanged mouth. 

“I, um, I’m what humans call a Chupacabra. To answer the usual questions: no, I’ve never been to Puerto Rico. No, I don’t eat goats. And no, I’m not going to eat you.”

“Okay.” His heart is still racing, but not from fear, which is the most confusing was this could have gone.

Pointed ears flick, worried, “Are you in shock?”

“Kinda, yeah.” He nods as Joseph sits next to him with a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I took the next few days off to avoid this exact scenario. I figured I wouldn’t see you, but forgot how thoughtful and caring you are.” Claws gently stroke Barclays hair, “my wonderful Barclay.”

He’s about to bring his hand up, cup those strange fingers to his cheek and whisper “always”, when Joseph pulls away. 

“I, I’m sorry. Again. I always get too handsy when I’m in heat. That’s the second worst side-effect, after the fact that being in my disguise is untenable when I’m in the thick of it. It’s like wearing a wet, wool sweater made of nausea.”

“....Hold on, you had to take time off work because you’re horny?” 

“Almost. Heat doesn’t come that often for me, which means whenever it happens, it’s intense. I have a hard time eating or sleeping, I can’t focus, and I spend most of the week masturbating. Which is not as fun as it sounds; I’m not even at the height of the damn thing and last night I humped a pillow on the kitchen floor while dinner reheated.”

Barclay groans, tries to hide it when the ears swivel his way, “Uh, guess I’m glad I brought you lots of food so you remember to eat. Shoulda, uh, put some lube or something in there as well, huh?” 

Joseph chuckles, “My nose tells me you put molasses cookies in there, so I’ll let it slide.”

“There anything else I can do to help?”

“Well…” he shakes his head, “never mind, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Do what?”

“My heat is more manageable when I have a partner. Fucking someone relieves things more effectively than masturbation does. But I can’t-”

“I can help with that.” The offer is out before his brain catches up with his mouth. 

“Barclay, my kind have a very, um, involved mode of, um, well, I guess you foreplay. As, as much as I’d love for you to be my mate” he winces, “see, that’s what I mean. I say things like that, most of them not even possible given the fact you and I can’t reproduce.” 

“Uh, does it help if I say hearing you call me that is really hot?”

Blue eyes widen, and a tail traces up Barclays leg, “Only if you mean it.”

“I do.”

A narrow, long tongue flicks into the air, “In that case, big guy, how about we have a little planning session over dinner?”

-------------------------------------------------

Barclay parks in the driveway, next to Josephs’ sedan. He heads past the house and down a short slope to a creek, the twilight sky casting the forest in eerie grey-blue. There’s a tire swing leftover from a previous resident, and he idly pushes it back and forth as he waits for the game to start. 

“It’s like hide and seek” Joseph wipes his mouth, cleans cookie crumbs from the table, “We start outside, move inside, and you go as long as you can without me catching you. After all, I want a mate who can hold his own.”

He stuffs his hands in his jacket pocket to warm them. A yip bounces out from the trees behind him. When he turns, he quickly spots glinting eyes and bared fangs hidden in the undergrowth. 

Sprinting towards the cabin, he realizes Joseph laid a trap for him from the start; by asking him to begin at the creek, he’s forcing him to run uphill to safety, slowing him down. He lets his lizard-brain, concerned only with the fact that something dangerous is chasing him, take over and drive his legs as fast as they’ll go. The back door is locked, he double-checked that on the way down, so he doesn’t waste his time trying it, races to the front of the cabin and slams the door shut just as something huge rounds the corner after him. 

The nob jiggles, his pursuer testing the lock and discovering the thrown deadbolt. Barclay uses those few seconds to secure the windows on the first floor, throws his jacket down into the cellar as a failsafe, and bolts up to the bedroom. His hammering heart insists that locking that door is not enough, so he crawls into the closet and shuts himself up among the meticulously organized shirts and slacks. It’s not enough space for him to stand, so he tucks his knees to his chest and waits. 

“What happens if I, like, completely outsmart you.”

A toothy smile, “I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.”

Each of the downstairs windows rattle in turn. Then the scratching starts, claws on wood coming closer with each breath. Joseph is climbing the wall up to the bedroom window that Barclay knows for a motherfucking fact he did not secure. 

A shuff as the window slides open, the cryptid landing with remarkable stealth on the bedroom floor. Barclay tracks him by the light coming under the closet door, his mouth covered so his breathing won’t give him away. The shadow pauses, sniffs, and then the bedroom door opens and shuts. Barclay’s not moving until he hears the front door do the same. 

Just as his legs start to protest being smushed up against his chest, the door reopens. Snuffling signals Joseph closing in, and an instant later the only light coming in is from the far ends of the door. Slowly, his last line of defense rolls to the right, revealing the creature crouching on the other side.

“Not a bad effort, big guy. You actually confused me for a minute with the scent trail of your coat downstairs.” Joseph reaches for him and Barclay, remembering that he’s not supposed to give up until he’s pinned, leans away. 

“That’s how my mate wants to play?”

“J-just following your instructions, babe.”

An intrigued purr, “I guess you are. All the more reason you’re the perfect partner for me.”

The words Barclays dreamed of hearing for months distract from the claws closing around his ankles. He lets out an undignified yelp when Joseph pulls his legs straight out and drags him out of the closet. Once he’s free of the forest of clothing, the cryptid picks him up and drops him on the bed. He moans and Joseph snickers, joining him on the bedspread. 

“Fuck, Joseph, no one’s ever been able to do that before and it’s so, so fucking hot.” He arches his back and shifts his limbs to help Joseph undress him.

“It’s because you’re the perfect size; big and strong, large enough to give me a decent cuddle when I’m human, but still small enough to be an easily subdued mate.” He gets the humans’ jeans and boxers off, hesitates, and then tosses them on the floor with a pained expression, “I’ll fold those later.”

“Gonna hold you to that. Also, wanna point out that it wasn’t that easy to subdue me.”

Joseph nuzzles his cheek, claws caressing his thighs, “Barclay, I was jogging while you were sprinting.”

“You coulda caught me right awaAAy ohwhatthefuck.” Tingling heat glides down his throat as Joseph licks a stripe along the skin, “fuck, it, it feels like the time I tried hot wax.”

The cryptid sits up slightly to look at him, “Is that a...good thing?”

“Fuck yeah. I really fucking liked it but it was fucking murder with the chest hair.”

Joseph runs his claws through the hair in question, “I like it.”

“I know, I saw you eyeing me that one time I used the springs at the lodge.”

“You can’t prove anything.” Joseph leans back down, curling his tongue around Barclays left nipple. The sensation makes him buck his hips, which Joseph correctly takes as a signal for more. He moves to the other side, takes his time teasing it and licking down the sensitive center of Barclays chest. Noses his stomach, nips his sides, and slides the alien heat of his tongue into the crease of his thighs. 

“Y’know I, ohfuck, I assumed from all that talk yesterday you’d get right to fucking me.”

Joseph kisses the inside of one thigh, “I, um, I thought about it, almost ripped your jeans to shreds and took you on the floor. But I wanted to be sure you were turned on. You’re not just a warm body, Barclay. You’re my mate. That means your pleasure matters as much as mine.” He licks up Barclays’ cock, hardened from rubbing against the soft fur of his belly, and sighs, “and what a mate.”

“Fuck” he squeezes his eyes closed because if we watches that mouth saying everything he wants to hear in between sucking his dick, he’ll cum in ten seconds flat. 

A final lick to the tip and then Joseph hops off the bed, “Did you prep the way I told you?”

“Uhhuh.” 

“Good.” Joseph returns, sets several items he can’t see by his feet, “that’ll make things easier. First things first” he produces a cock cage, sliding it into place, “these are a few things I smuggled over from my original home. This is enchanted, so it can go on an erect cock but still prevent the wearer from cumming until it’s removed.”

“That’s just cruel, babe.” He sits up on his elbows to kiss Josephs snout, earning him a pleased yip. 

“If you cum too fast, I won’t be able to properly breed you.” He winces again, “sorry, I sound like one of Indrids romance novels.”

“Again, gorgeous, I find it really fucking hot.”

The spines on Joseph’s back ripple, “You think I’m gorgeous? Like this?”

“I do. Also kinda scary, but in a hot way.” Now it’s his turn to cringe, “see? I sound like cheap porn written by an eighth grader when I’m horny. The way you sound is fine.”

Joseph lovebites his ear, then retrieves the other two items from the end of the bed. 

“And how does this look, big guy?”

“Like it’s either going to kill me or make me cum like a dozen times.” He furrows his brow at the strap-on. It’s narrower than the average human dick, with a pointed, slightly up-curved tip. What’s worrying him are the spikes. 

The entire shaft is coated in short protrusions. They don’t end in points, thank god, but if they’re at all stiff this is going to be miserable. 

“Here” Joseph waves him over, “touch it.” He guides his fingers along one side and the spines bend fluidly under his touch, and now all he wants to know is how they feel inside him. Joseph also moans, bucking his hips so the toy slides along Barclays palm.

“It’s, ohlord, also enchanted so that the wearer feels it as an extension of their body and can cum with it. Also, please decide in the next thirty seconds whether you want to be on your back or your stomach.” Amber pre-cum drips down Barclay’s fingers. 

“Stomach is better for meWHOAH, ohfuck, okay we’re doing this.” Now flipped on his belly, he raises his ass. The cryptid kneads it appreciatively before holding it open and sliding his cock in with once, graceful thrust. 

He bottoms out with a groan, which is more articulate than Barclay is managing to be as the spines rub and glide inside him, finding every patch of nerves, every angle to drag against in just the right way. Joseph hauls him onto his knees and then he’s off, growls and yips filling the as he fucks him. Barclay only just registers the bed banging into the wall so forcefully the headboard is cracking when claws sink into his hips and Joseph pulls him all the way onto his cock and pulses into him. 

“Holy fuck that was fast.”

“I, I didn’t jack off once today. Didn’t want to waste it, wanted to save it all for my perfect mate.” He’s thrusting again, not as hard but twice as fast, “shit, you feel so good, big guy, please tell me Mama okayed your time off for tomorrow.”

“Wh-why are we talkingAHnnn, about this now?”

Hot breath tickles his ear, “Because now that I know what’s like to cum in you, I don’t plan on cumming anywhere else for the next day and a half.”

“Ohfuckme” Barclay groans happily into the pillows as Joseph empties into him, cries out when his tail whips across his calf.

“Shit, did that hurt?”

“No, no it felt good, fucking-A babe every fucking part of you is amazing.”

The cryptid whines, pleased, and wiggles his hips, giving Barclay an idea. 

“That’s, uh, that’s why I want you for my mate, because you’re so fucking goo-mmph” his face presses harder into the pillows as Joseph pins his shoulders down and fucks into him, snarling “yes” over and over again. When he finishes this time he hunches over, nipping Barclay’ shoulders and neck. 

“You catch on quick, big guy.”

“Thanks, babe. Uh, are we gonna switch it up at any point or am I staying like this until tomorrow night?”

“No, we can fuck however we want. After” a fuzzy hand rubs circles on Barclay’s abdomen, “I’ve cum in you enough times that I can feel it from out here.”

Barclay moans, tightening around him as his hips snap once more, already imagining being full and fucked out. Maybe it’ll take all night. He’ll be limp if it does, but right now nothing sounds better than melting into the bed while Joseph fucks his ass like it belongs to him. 

After forty-five minutes, his cock is aching, his mind holds only thoughts of how good it feels to do as Joseph tells him, and he’s been cum in so many times that wet, obscene sounds accompany the cryptids thrusts. Said sounds pale in comparison to Josephs’ voice, which is spinning increasingly impossible scenarios the longer they’re in bed. 

“I hope they take after you.” Joseph murmurs. 

Barclay just manages to turn his head, “Who?”

A muzzle playfully nudges his cheek, “Our kids.”

His heart seizes and shakes at the words; they both know that’s not what will happen. Joseph warned him he might say things like this, said he could tell him to knock it off if need be. 

“Maybe they’ll, ahnn, they’ll have big, beautiful brown eyes and bigger hearts, just like you.”

He doesn’t want him to stop. Every thrust hits deeper, every point where their skin meets buzzes brighter when he talks like this.

“H-hope at least one looks like you, blue eyes.”

A guttural whine, tingling heat as Joseph laps tenderly at the back of his neck, “We’ll just have to see, usually we’re born in threes so, soOH, oh I’m close, shitshit” 

“That’s it babe, fill me up, c’mon, c’mon I want it so bad, Joseph, baby, please.” 

There’s a howltrill as cum spurts into him, Joseph panting as he smooths his hand around Barclays side.

“There, that’s done it.”

Barclay whimpers as he pulls out, his mind and body pulled tight, certain that if he doesn’t cum soon he’ll propose marriage instead and that’ll be a fucking disaster. 

Joseph carefully rolls him over and unlocks the cage, “Do you want to cum?”

“More than anything. Oh!” he’s unprepared for Joseph to sink down on his cock, “oh fuck, yeah, wanna cum so bad babe please, I’ll be so good, be such a good mate if you just let me cum in y-fuuuck” A trio of sensations levels him as he climaxes; his vision whites out, his hips jerk more violently than they ever have before, and a line of cum drips down his leg. 

Somewhere far away, Joseph says, “I think we’ve earned a break.”

He nods, body limp as the cryptid climbs off him. Then he’s falling, spinning helplessly down in a pit of realizations. 

Joseph didn’t mean any of those things he said. His friend needed a mate and Barclay, lovesick fool he is, was eager for a chance to play pretend that he didn’t think about what would happen when the game ended. Even if Joseph keeps him here through tomorrow, the next time they meet at the Lodge he’ll act like nothing happened. 

Fuck, Barclay didn’t even get to kiss him during all this, and now he’ll never get the chance, never, nevernever-

“Shit, I should have put a towel or a spare blanket down. Now I’ll have to strip the bed before I can--Barclay? Oh, oh baby, what’s wrong?” A hand pets his face and he turns away from it, refusing to open his eyes. Joseph takes his hand instead, “it’s okay, I’m here, whatever you need I’ll-”

“Don’t. Don’t say that. You can’t give me what I need, it isn’t your fault I, I know I’m not really your partner and I, I…” he sniffles, wipes his palm under his eye. 

“Barclay, look at me please.”

Reluctantly, he opens his eyes just in time to see Joseph dip down and kiss him. It’s awkward, their mouths not made to fit together, but he savors it all the same because it’s Joseph, his Joseph, kissing him like he hoped he would. 

“My heat can make me say some ridiculous things. What it can’t do is make me feel affection where none exists. In fact, the reason I wasn’t able to keep my disguise on yesterday is because being near you meant being near the mate I wanted most in the world. I, um, suspected you might share my feelings, but I didn’t want our first interaction as boyfriend to be me asking if you wanted to spend a day or so with me while I was in a sex haze. But then you offered to help, and I wanted it so badly that I barreled ahead without making sure you understood that this was me declaring my feelings. I’m sorry.”

Barclay climbs into his lap, not caring about the mess he makes in the process. The cryptid laughs, hugs him close.

“I, I shoulda said something sooner too. Not that I regret how we spent our first date.” He kisses Josephs chin.

“Me neither, though I don’t think it quite counts.” He rubs their foreheads together, “can your boyfriend take you out to dinner on Friday?”

Barclay grins, looks into loving, blue eyes, “Yeah, he can.”