#also i am Fascinated by the influence of memory on identity

[ioannemos]

fluctuat nec mergitur: it is tossed by the waves but it does not sink a stargate: atlantis au of s4e6, "tabula rasa"

Ronon returned with the enchuri, and Teyla ensured the ventilation system was ready for it. What they hoped was the end of it turns out to be the beginning when the Tau’ri regain their health but not their memories. Suddenly the most experienced Lanteans are the only two with no loyalty to Earth, and the clock is ticking until the SGC figures that out…

▽ / △ / ▽ / △ / ▽

[featherwingfae]

So the nonhuman theme of the day that I've been seeing on the Internet seems to be self doubt both due to internal and external influences.

My response to this theme is this. You are who you are. And no one can tell you who you are but you. (The rest of the post is pretty much just this^^ in way more detail than necessary. You have been warned lol. Buckle up this is gonna be a long one. Literally took all day to write 😅)

Most of us live in a society where we've been told since infancy who we are are and what we must be, and if we don't fit in the predesignated boxes then there must be something wrong with us and we just need to be forced into a box. But just think about the vastness of life for a second. From macro to micro there's just so much to everything it's breathtaking. Everything is layered. Why should one being's existence be any different. There is what is seen and then there is everything else. Some thing's don't need to be understood by others, because they are not there for others. They are simply there. Wether we understand them or not. And that in itself (I think) is quite lovely.

I am Fae. Not just because of ______. I am Fae because it is simply what I am. It's what feels right.

It's ok to just exist. It's ok to live without ever fitting into boxes or labels. And if you find a label or box that fits you, that's ok too. It's your existence. Do what makes you happy. I've also found that sometimes, finding that feeling that you fit somewhere, comes first and the reasons why come after. Be patient. I know it's maddening sometimes when you've got a million questions bumping about in your head, or even just one or two burning ones, but life is a journey. A mystery to uncover through experiences.

I could give you a whole laundry list of reasons why I can call myself Fae. But at the end of the day, the only reason I need is that it feels right. I don't need to act like the stereotypical Fae (from folklore, media etc), I don't need to have magical experiences, I don't need memories. Keep in mind that your nonhuman identity does not need to match anyone else's.

If you're a Fae who loves technology and finds the modern age fascinating. Guess what? There's nothing wrong with that. (I LOVE Minecraft 😁 Though that may or may not have to do with the fact that I get to fly around and build whatever I want from nothing. Yes I'm obsessed with creative mode 😅 I usually get bored in survival)

If you're a Therian who's never enjoyed being on all fours or who doesn't like gear. It doesn't make you any less Therian. Do what makes you happy 😊.

If you're some ancient entity and you use an ungodly (hehe) amount of emojis and/or abbreviations (ex. Lol, omg, etc) it doesn't make you any less ancient or awesome. Do what you enjoy. You are too old to not be having as much fun as you can experience. I'm also an ancient creature, you really think I want to spend my time not doing what makes the happy chemicals 😊✨👁️🪽😁.

If you're an Alien who's not obsessed with space stuff. That's ok. Human portrayals probably don't do it justice anyway, and there's so many other things to be interested in. Like have you seen mushrooms? Those funky little guys come in so many varieties it's absolutely delightful 😊🍄✨.

If you're a vampire who can't stand the sight of blood. Don't worry about it. I can almost guarantee you're not alone (plus there's a lot of different types of vampires. If you know you are/were definitely sanguine then you're still valid 😊).

If you're fictionkin and you're absolutely nothing like your fictionkin type/character. That's ok 😊. People often change with their experiences, it doesn't make you any less yourself.

That last one applies to most nonhumans identities in general honestly 😅.

If you're an angel that doesn't/didn't have big feathery wings. You are still an angel. The universe is filled with too much color and variety for me to believe that all ______ have the same or very similar designs. I've never heard of an angel with dragonfly or beetle wings. That doesn't mean they don't exist 🙃.

You can be a plant who loves salads, a placekin who hates going outside, an objectkin that doesn't use it/it's pronouns or is super expressive, a vampire who adores sunbathing or just sunlight in general, a carnivore that doesn't like meat, an avian that's afraid of flying or heights, a demon with a heart of gold, a deity with social anxiety and/or low self esteem, an herbivore that loves going hunting, a dragon who prefers minimalism, an aquatic creature who doesn't like water, a void that's constantly overthinking, you can match all the known stereotypes for your nonhuman identity or none at all. You can have phantom shifts constantly or never get any, you can have countless identities, you can have just one, you can remember your past life/lives in detail or remember nothing at all, you can believe in past lives and souls, or not, your identity can be psychological, physical, spiritual, etc.

It's s your identity. No one else's. Just because you choose to share yourself or your identity with someone else does not mean they own you or your identity. It is, was and always shall be, yours. (Btw please please please, be careful who you share your nonhuman identity with. Not everyone is going to "get it". And not everyone is going to accept it. Stay safe, mentally, physically, emotionally etc.)

They say names have power. They also say not all things are what they seem. Whatever your nonhuman identity looks like, only you can know what it truly is. Understand that I am not saying that the appearance of one's nonhuman identity should be dismissed altogether, especially when one is still questioning. I am saying, that we shouldn't rely solely upon appearances. If your nonhuman identity fits in the category of x as far as appearances go but x just doesn't feel like it fits, then chances are, you're not x, or there's more to it than just x. I've known I was Fae since right around 2019. However I doubted myself for a long time because as far as I knew Fae were "supposed to have insect wings" and on top of having big feathery wings, I have a lot of them. In fact many of my nonhuman features could be considered angelic. However I've never felt particularly comfortable identifying as an angel. It just never felt like the right fit. It took awhile but eventually after I'd already accepted that my "angelic features" didn't make me any less Fae. I remembered why I had those features to begin with, and it all just clicked into place.

It's ok to not have all the answers or even the correct answers right away. Life is experiences. From moment to moment you are who you are. Things may change, new truths may be revealed, that doesn't make you or your identity any less real. You are whoever you are right now. Wether that is someone/something from everything you have ever been or ever shall be or just one thing right now, unconnected to anything else. You are not fake for changing. You're not fake for not changing. Most have doubts about themselves about all sorts of things. To the point where it seems like doubt is just part of the human world experience (not saying it's only a human world experience, just that everyone here seems to doubt themselves about something or other) and perhaps working through our doubts is a lesson of this place, then again maybe not 🤷. In the end what you believe is up to you😊.

Now, I'm not expecting that this single post from a total stranger will erase all your doubts. Not at all. I didn't write it to erase doubt, but rather to give it a little bit of something to fight against. To plant just one more seed in the hearts and minds of others who might need it or whom it might help in any way. This post is far from the only one out there, fighting doubt in its many forms and faces. And what I've said has already been said in many times and ways. But it's my take and not everything will click with everyone. If this post helps even just one being, then it has served it's purpose. Each and every single one or plural of us is unique in our own ways. And I truly believe that's one of the most wonderful things about life as a whole.

If you've read this far, I apologize if I got a bit carried away and made this post longer than necessary but it means a great deal to me and things that matter to me are very difficult to "sum up" 😅. And if you follow me. I warn you now that most of my posts will probably be a bit lengthy if not extremely so.

And now my dear creatures, crawlers, beasts, beauties, hellions, heavenlies (no I don't care that that's not a word it is now lol), magicals, marvels, wonders, wanderers, wildlings, winged things, whimsies, and whatsits (and everything beyond and in between) I wish upon you a most wonderful day/night. May you always know/remember that your existence makes the world a more magical place. 🌍✨ (And in my opinion we could use all the magic we can get 😊)

👁️🪽✨🍄🍀🪻🌱🥀❄️🌟✨

Till next time.

[theycallmeratt]

Writer Interview

Tagged by the fantastic @beesht, @commander-krios, and @coreene!

(just realized I forgot to tag people ummmm @lolliputian, @aviatorasharak @bloobluebloo)

When did you start writing?

So long ago that I no longer recall when it was. I also like arranging and playing with words. It's a crutch for me; my brain often feels aimless and chaotic. Writing lets me lock down my thoughts so I can quit chasing them.Expressing myself face-to-face has always been a struggle; I hide behind screens, sunglasses and masks. I'm happiest when people don't know what I look or sound like, and writing is the easiest way to talk with people without my physical-ness getting in the way.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Love horror, adore it. I'm not super great at writing it (yet!).

I also love heists. I keep trying to write a heist. It is not going well.

Finally, I love mythologies and folklore. I'm currently really into American Indigenous (specifically Inuit and I just got a book on Latin American mythologies) and Middle Eastern (specifically Iranian). Or, at least what I can find in English, from a reputable source. I would love to write about characters from these (Esfandiyār! Sedna!) but I'm a white American who is neither a part of those cultures nor educated enough to treat the subject with the respect it deserves.

But I will talk about them and encourage other people to learn because they're very cool.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Haha, I specifically don't read while I'm writing so I don't emulate anyone, but creativity doesn't happen in a vacuum so..

My writing style and content were influenced by the authors I grew up on: KA Applegate, Terry Pratchett, Diana Wynne Jones, Terry Brooks, Sergio Lukyanenko, Neil Gaiman, Francesca Lia Blake, Anne Bishop, Terry Goodkind, Arthur C Clarke, Laurel K Hamilton. Some of those authors I was far too young to read, a lot I don't read or like anymore, but they definitely shaped my fascination with urban fantasy, people living normal lives in weird worlds, people finding the weird in normal worlds, horror and humor and how they fit together, how both are most effective when they're just reality taken slightly off-kilter, and how small any single person's perspective is.

I've also been on Tumblr for about a billion years and have the Tumblr/millennial accent and I'm too tired to change it. 

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

On my phone, swipe keyboard, usually while commuting or waiting in line or standing over the stove or late at night when I can't sleep. Writing isn't a priority in my life right now, so I squeeze it into all the empty spaces.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I wrote about this here under "recharging when I'm not feeling creative" and here under "where do you get inspiration", but short answer is taking a complete break from creating anything, slogging through whatever is blocking me or interacting with my community.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Shifting identities and what defines a person. I was raised on the idea that the "soul" is a person's core unifying self. I'm fascinated by this concept because if you take away "soul" as an easy answer, then what is a person? What makes me the same person as who I was twenty years ago? As me, age 2 months? If I lost all my memories, am I still me? What if I only lose one thing, like my driving force, or a fundamental belief, or if I recover from trauma or receive treatment for a chronic condition? What if I was uploaded into a machine? 

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I think I probably assign my identity to experience: memory, skills, hobbies, achievements and failures, and those are the concepts I've been exploring a lot.

What is your reason for writing?

I get itchy otherwise.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I like knowing the exact parts people like, so whenever anyone quotes part of a fic, I get excited. I also love hearing people's theories or if they noticed any Easter eggs or references. My writing is so self indulgent sometimes and meeting people who also like it feels like meeting people who would like me? (That sounds really pathetic haha but I'm leaving it because it's honest).

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Funny! And hopefully a bit creative. 

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Finishing a piece before I publish it, I guess. Writers have a right to bail on a piece for whatever reason, even for no reason. Writers have a right to publish incomplete work. But, personally, I'm a little proud that I put out completed pieces. 

I also try to write in a way that's uncomplicated. I avoid using oversized words, complex sentences, too many pronouns or vague references. Keep things simple, you know? I want to write things that people can read when they're distracted, or only have time for a few paragraphs, or if they aren't great readers.

Usually when I'm reading my head is already fried and I don't have the time or spoons to get assaulted by a thesaurus.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I'm only influenced if I'm doing a piece for someone, or if I know a specific person will read it and I want to make them smile. Beyond that, it's all for me :)

How do you feel about your own writing?

It's a little trite, but that's okay. I love happy endings, so I aim for that. I also love the bizarre, absurd and ridiculous.

I do overuse this sentence format, where it's two clauses together. I'd like to fix that. And like all my paragraphs are three sentences, gross.

Anyway, I like it overall.

[camlannpod]

Character Playlist: Gwen (Shújūn) Liu

Number four in our character playlist series, this time for episode 4, which is focused on our beloved Gwen / Shújūn. Like the other playlists for Dai, Morgan and Perry, I'll be going through track by track and talking a bit more about Gwen's character and why I included these specific songs. Enjoy!

1.Mirror Mirror by Juniper Vale

Followed me into a dream And twirled me out of time Down a trail of twisted tales That mythemized my mind All my memories they ring a bell But taper with each toll Mirror, mirror who am I now? I don't know

Like everyone, Gwen is struggling with identity in this apocalypse. Especially as a woman who grew up in Hong Kong and is now stranded in the UK, with no way to know what's happened to her friends and family, being judged and shaped by a British story, she's being pulled in a lot of different directions at once. For her, it feels like a very strange waking dream. She's probably the most Alice in Wonderland character in the series.

2. Paper Mache by Iris Lune

I almost lost everything I got to this Scratch at my soul, I clench my fist Counting the lights on my way out There is no time to lose, must replay the scene

Fundamentally Gwen is a survivor. She was alone in a monster-infested wilderness for far too long, and as to what happened to the other survivors she was with? It wasn't pretty. Gwen is the definition of that quote about hope being covered in blood and mud and getting up again anyway.

3. Eastward of Eden by Amelia Day

Our children, they spread to outnumber the stars Oh, Eastward of Eden, where day turns to dark Dark Leave it all, leave it all, leave it all behind

The world ended. And again, Gwen in particular feels lost in an alien and foreign landscape, completely disconnected from the world she knew. She has family in the UK - aunts and cousins, but she only moved to Leicester for university. Now she's 6,000 miles from Hong Kong and trapped, forced to forge a new path for herself with no one there to help her. And on top of all of that, she's inherited this strange, massive power that influences her interactions with everything and everyone she meets.

4. All Things Devour by aeseaes

worms and spiders spin inside her like the story make me holy this thing all things devours

Gwen, like the others in the gang with Names, has a very conflicted relationship with Guinevere. She sees the name as a tool, a weapon in her arsenal that's helped her survive. But she's also painfully aware that she's dancing with fire, and she's seen the ways that her Name puts her and the people she loves in danger, too. She worries that one day she'll put the costume on and not be able to take it off.

5. Sad Forever by Lauv

'Cause lately, I've been in the backseat to my own life Trying to take control, but I don't know how to I don't wanna be sad forever I don't wanna be sad no more I don't wanna wake up and wonder What the hell am I doing this for?

Gwen is a woman whose actions speak louder than words. She has to be careful around Perry, Morgan and Dai because she's a stranger and she needs the shelter they offer. But privately, she's determined not to give into fear or despair, despite all the grief and horror she's suffered. She's so frustrated by the way she's being pulled around this apocalypse like a puppet, and she's determined to take the reins.

6. Only Lonely by The Ballroom Thieves

She knows I have a tendency I make mountains out of stones And with that timber, burn a hundred fires

The first time they meet, Morgan brings Gwen back to reality. Morgan's stubbornness, her directness and her anger help snap Gwen out of the daydream of the story and back into reality. Gwen finds Morgan fascinating, and funny, and grounding like nothing and no one else she's ever met. Whenever Gwen is scared of getting lost in the clouds and being unable to come back, Morgan anchors her.

7. On Board by Alana Henderson

I'll be the figurehead On your ship's bow I'll be the last glimpse of a topsail As we go down I'll be waiting on the seabed Repeating the words Don't forget (you said), ships were not built to be safe

Gwen is maybe more conscious than Morgan of how explosive and dangerous to both of them their closeness can be - the way that others might see it as a threat, the way their own stories might react in ways they can't predict. And despite this, despite knowing that Morgan is an objectively dangerous woman to her, Gwen can't help but be drawn to her.

8. Throw Me in the Water by WILD

Pushin' away Only gets me closer Fallin' fast Can we move it slower?

Morgan is not good at creating relationships. Gwen is amazing at making new friends, and Gwen can see all the ways that Morgan prickles and pushes her away. Gwen chooses to ignore the spiky armour Morgan wears. If anything, she finds it an interesting challenge. Morgan is the wild untamed stallion and Gwen is the horse girl in this movie. Gwen desperately wants to untangle the knot that Morgan is and see what lies underneath, again, despite all the danger that presents.

9. We Will All Be Changed by Seryn

We look for home, but we'll never know Distance will grow, but I'll always know

What happened to Hong Kong and her dad, Kai, is a huge unanswered question that lingers over Gwen's head every day, this unresolved grief that she has to get up every day and live with. But she keeps going, in the hope that one day she'll answer it.

[cordeliaflyte]

Books I enjoyed in 2022

Inspired by the legendary @gaudigf 🌷!

Memorial: an Excavation of the Iliad by Alice Oswald (read in February). Potentially the most influential poem I've ever read + where my blog title comes from! Just look at the scene of Hector's death:

And HECTOR died like everyone else

He was in charge of the Trojans

But a spear found out the little patch of white

Between his collarbone and his throat

Just exactly where a man’s soul sits

Waiting for the mouth to open

He always knew it would happen

He who was so boastful and anxious

And used to nip home deafened by weapons

To stand in full armour in the doorway

Like a man rushing in leaving his motorbike running

All women loved him

His wife was Andromache

One day he looked at her quietly

He said I know what will happen

And an image stared at him of himself dead

And her in Argos weaving for some foreign woman

He blinked and went back to his work

Hector loved Andromache

But in the end he let her face slide from his mind

He came back to her sightless

Strengthless expressionless

Asking only to be washed and burned

And his bones wrapped in soft cloths

And returned to the ground

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh (reread in March). This shaped my identity fundamentally. A wonderful intermingling of comedy and tragedy.

Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison (read in April). My favourite Toni Morrison! A touch of magic realism. No-one names characters as skilfully as Morrison.

The Iliad as translated by Caroline Alexander (read in May). What is there to say even.

The Horse, the Wheel, and Language by David W. Anthony (read in May). Genuinely fascinating read about the spread of Proto-Indo-European. Would recommend it wholeheartedly!

The Old Arcadia by Philip Sidney (read in July). Bucolics + cross-dressing, what's not to love?

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (reread in September). Wonderfully constructed familial bonds.

Devotions on Emergent Occasions and Death's Duel by John Donne (read in September). So much rot and putrefaction!

Dancing in Odessa & Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky (read back to back in October). Mesmerizing poetry collections would recommend wholeheartedly.

The Absolutist by John Boyne (read in November). Your typical WW1 drama. The first page was crafted in a lab to enthral me. A traumatized man returns from the trenches haunted by his dead best friend who he had an ambiguous relationship with on a train to return letters said friend had received from his sister… When I saw this premise I gasped because I am 100% earnest this has been one of my little daydream scenarios for years.

Selected Poems by Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Susan Ranson and Marielle Sutherland, read in November). Got it for a friend's birthday but naturally had to read it as well to ensure quality. Especially enchanted by the Duino Elegies.

Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake (read in December). And recommended by Medli Gaudigf! Mushrooms. Written in a beautiful and informative way.

Poet in New York by Federico García Lorca (translated by Greg Simon and Stephen F. White, read in December). Got this for my birthday :) my first Lorca, gifted by a friend who knew I wanted to get into him, influenced by my infatuation with Leonard Cohen. Beautiful. This edition also includes some letters to his family, they're sparkling and witty and filled with warmth.

All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque (translated by Arthur Wesley Wheen, read in December) read on a flight. More dying horribly in the trenches :D.

[somkieth]

Where am i?

Where in the word?

What store i can tell?

As an international my named Somkiat Pissamai, exploring Auckland as a tourist is not just about visiting new places, but also about exploring the city’s fascinating perspectives, meaningful moments and amazing sites. It is a journey that embraces uncertainty as an opportunity for growth, understanding and self-discovery.

When I arrived in Auckland, I was excited and motivated, knowing that every corner of the city has a story to tell. The city’s cultural diversity provides a rich backdrop for exploration, with its Maori heritage, colonial history and modern influences. So, it was my mission to delve deeper into Auckland’s past and present to gain a deeper understanding of its culture and history

One of my first stops on my journey was the Auckland War Memorial Museum, a cultural hub showcasing New Zealand’s heritage. As I walked through the exhibits, I was fascinated by the stories of resilience, bravery and unity reflected in the artefacts of Maori and Pacific Islanders. The museum provided a lens through which I could see the struggles and triumphs that made Auckland the vibrant city it is today.

Then, I set out to explore the bustling streets of the city centre. Immerse yourself in Auckland’s vibrant city life. From the soaring Sky Tower offering panoramic city views to the charming boutiques and cafes tucked away in the laneways, every time I walked down the street I was greeted by the energy and hustle of the city.

However, my explorations extended beyond the beaten paths to Auckland’s hidden gems, where I discovered the true essence of the city. On a trip to the rugged black sand beaches along the west coast, I was captivated by the pristine natural beauty, where the crashing waves and windswept cliffs left me in awe and amazement.

Photography is one way I document my experiences and share them with others. Each image captures a story and memory that defies time, allowing me to reflect on the complexities of Auckland’s landscape and culture.

However, amidst the excitement and beauty of Auckland, there is also uncertainty, a reminder that journeys are not always smooth sailing. As I navigated the unfamiliar terrain of a new city, I saw challenges as opportunities for growth and recovery.

The uncertainty I faced was a catalyst for self-discovery and adaptation, pushing me to step out of my comfort zone and embrace the unknown. In short, my journey as an international student exploring Auckland was not just about visiting landmarks. But it was also a life-changing experience to gain a deeper understanding of my own culture, history and identity. Auckland captivated me with its fascinating perspectives, meaningful moments and stunning locations, inviting me to embrace its uncertainty and discover its inner beauty. And as I travelled around the city with camera in hand, I not only captured images but also my own unique cultural perspectives, a testament to the invaluable experience of exploring Auckland as a tourist.

I will learn and study focus on this class

Explore the relationship between time and light:

- Start by understanding different types of light conditions, such as natural light, artificial light, golden light, blue light, etc.

- Experiment with shooting at different times of the day to see how the light changes and affects your images.

- Consider the mood and atmosphere that different lighting conditions can create in your images.

- Keep a journal or diary to track your observations and discoveries about the relationship between time and light.

3. Learn how to tell interesting stories through your photography:

- Start by identifying the subject or theme that you want to emphasize in your images, such as nature, people, architecture, etc.

- Think about what story you want to tell through your photos. What message or emotion do you want to convey to your audience?

- Pay attention to composition, lighting, and perspective to help you tell your story effectively.

4. Experiment with angles:

- Practice shooting from different angles, such as high angles, low angles, close-ups, and wide angles.

- Consider how changing perspectives can add depth and interest to your photos.

- Use different photography techniques, such as leading lines, composition, and reflections. To create unique compositions

- Don’t be afraid to get creative and try out unusual angles to capture new perspectives.

5. Research the history behind each place you visit:

- Before visiting a new place, research the history, significance, and any interesting facts you can find.

- Incorporate elements of the place’s history into your photos to add depth and context to your photos.

- Try talking to locals or tour guides to get insider information about the area you’re exploring.

Auckland, also known as Tāmaki Makaurau in Māori, is a city with a rich and diverse history that dates back centuries. Situated on the North Island of New Zealand, Auckland is the largest urban area in the country and serves as a cultural, economic, and social hub. The city’s history is shaped by the contributions of Māori settlers, European explorers, and immigrants from around the world, making it a melting pot of different cultures and traditions.

The story of Auckland begins with its indigenous inhabitants, the Māori people. Tāmaki Makaurau was originally settled by the local iwi (tribes) of Ngāti Whātua and Tainui, who established thriving communities along the harbors and volcanic hills of the region. These early Māori settlements were centered around fishing, agriculture, and trade, and they established strong spiritual and cultural connections to the land.

European contact with Auckland began in the early 19th century when British explorer Captain William Hobson arrived in the area and signed the Treaty of Waitangi in 1840 with local Māori chiefs. This treaty established British sovereignty over New Zealand and paved the way for European settlers to establish colonies in the region. Auckland was officially founded as a colonial capital in 1840, due to its strategic location and natural harbors that made it ideal for trade and shipping.

Throughout the 19th and 20th centuries, Auckland experienced rapid growth and development as immigrants from Europe, Asia, and the Pacific Islands flocked to the city in search of opportunities and prosperity. The city’s economy diversified, with industries such as shipping, manufacturing, and finance driving its growth. Auckland’s population grew rapidly, leading to urban sprawl and the development of new suburbs and neighborhoods.

Today, Auckland is a vibrant and multicultural city that celebrates its diverse heritage and cultural traditions. The city is home to a diverse population, with over 200 different ethnicities represented among its residents. Auckland’s rich history is reflected in its architecture, museums, and cultural institutions, which showcase the contributions of its indigenous, colonial, and immigrant communities.

In conclusion, the history of Auckland is a testament to the resilience, adaptability, and spirit of its inhabitants. From its indigenous Māori roots to its status as a thriving cosmopolitan metropolis, Auckland continues to evolve and grow, drawing strength from its diverse heritage and identity. As Auckland looks to the future, it remains a place of opportunity and innovation, where people from all walks of life come together to build a better and brighter tomorrow.

Auckland Museum: https://www.aucklandmuseum.com/

Auckland Council Libraries: https://www.aucklandlibraries.govt.nz/

New Zealand History: https://nzhistory.govt.nz/area/auckland-isthmus

[hzltryingtowrite]

The persistence of memory (inconsistency, subsistence)

This line often floats into my head with a sense of profundity. I know it’s the name of a Dali painting- the famous one with the melting clocks. People wrote that it referred to Einsteins theory of special relativity. When asked, Dali said it was inspired by melted Camembert. 

I think I’m more in the Camembert camp- i find it easier to access and understand than space and time. That was something I found a bit exhausting about art college- on our first day in the sculpture department we were told that sculpture is about ‘space, place and time’, which was all very hefty. Would it have lent more weight to my work if the plaque on the wall referenced Einstein, rather than being upfront about the fact that I was tripping balls and eating cheese? (This is purely hypothetical).

 Speaking of cheese, when we were in France and eating pastries, Molly asked me what the nicest cake I ever had was. I couldn’t just remember the nicest- I could barely remember any of the cakes I’ve eaten. Later, we went into a museum and looked at some paintings. I tried to remember feeling excited about paintings and remembered when I was a teenager and had seen a Dali for the first time. I can’t remember where that was though. And when I thought harder, I wasn’t sure if it was even my memory or the memory of a friend I had at the time. I couldn’t even tell you the name of the painting.

I’ve gone off on tangents before reading about the inconsistency of memory- stories of false witness testimonies and memory experiments. Asides from the practical implications it has in terms of the judicial system, I think there is a certain fascination with the subject that feeds into the cult of the individual- latching onto our memories as an integral part of our identities. I’ll quote Mishima in Kinkaku-Ji second-hand (because I first came across him in a Sylvain Tesson book) - ‘...What gives meaning to our life’s actions is fidelity to a certain moment, and our effort to make that moment last forever...’.

This resonated with me in the sense that I think a lot of the choices I make and the things I care about are silently governed by a sense of nostalgia- things that influenced me in my formative years. The Pinterests I save, the aesthetic choices I make. Some of these choices and interests can be clearly traced back- my most enduring interests have been those I’ve had since I was a child- like anime, art and nature. But this theory is complicated when you consider the fluidity of memory. Some of the ‘moments’ I’m attempting to replicate might not be my own moments at all but something I saw in a film, or something I told myself so many times that it coalesced into something more concrete. With the influence of media and the fact we’re exposed to so much information in a day, it could be considered a tragedy that increasingly, our memories are not our own. Additionally, we outsource our memories- into digital photo albums and archives, and Google means we don’t need to be able to recall specific facts and information. This circumvents the need to process memories, to integrate them into our schema. They become less a part of our inner world and more of a marketable identity- a series of experiences and sensations that can be encapsulated into a pretty photograph. Maybe I’m being cynical here but I’ve felt myself in the last few years, that I am experiencing the world in a more superficial way and I think this comes from the fact that I am bombarded with so much information every day and have less and less time to process it. People advocate for a mindfulness approach in allowing us to be more present, but I think an essential component we’re neglecting is also time to parse this information. 

I try to allay any anxieties I have about this state of affairs with embracing the idea of the ‘hive mind’. I’m coming at this from a relatively uninformed angle- I haven’t read a whole lot about collective thought and how it might be integrated into the digital Information Age. Putting aside for a moment the unsavoury inequity inevitably wrought by capitalism, we can see social media and shared memories as a modern iteration of the fact that humans are ultimately social creatures. Social media is and can be a wellspring of creativity and, at the risk of sounding way too grandiose, acts as a placeholder for religion in secular society- that is the sense of connectedness and being part of something bigger. AI provides the potential to generate entirely new material from our collective efforts and creations (again, if you can put aside the economic implications this has for artists). All our individual thoughts and experiences are delineated into a scrollable consumable, which, via our engagement, feeds into algorithms which aid the creation of further content and clickables, a digital Ouroboros (again, with the grandiosity).

But now, away from the Borg and back to my own individual experience (because that’s why I’m keeping this blog?). A few years ago, I worked for a while on a vineyard in New Zealand. Initially I was working on the harvest- it was fairly monotonous, physical labour, but I enjoyed it. I think I once read in a museum some historic piece of anti-Irish propaganda- efforts to Google it yielded nothing, only some funny and kind of pertinent results- I’ll share them here. Anyway, this piece was of course written from a colonialist perspective and painted the Irish as dull-witted and suited to monotonous, laborious tasks. It crossed my mind in my enjoyment of the harvest work, that maybe there was substance to that theory. In general, I was living at the time in a way that might be more similar to agrarian communities from long ago- we went to sleep every night when the sun went down, rose when it came up and because there was no phone reception our access to technology was very limited. It was a social job and the harvest workers spent a lot of time chatting amongst ourselves but equally there were periods of silence while we worked. It was in these silent periods that I became aware of the fact that my thoughts were operating differently and I found myself often accessing my memories as a means of entertainment. I was recalling specific memories and information I’d forgotten I even had- like I suddenly remembered how to count to 10 in Slovene. These memories didn’t just exist as objective facts or stories or pictures in my mind- they brought with them feelings and sensations which coloured and enhanced my present experience of the world. I remember thinking about Wordsworth, and how when he found himself ‘in vacant or in pensive mood’, he remembered his daffodils and I realised what a source of consolation memories could be. I felt, I think for the first time, an appreciation of a sentiment often espoused by older people, that no matter what happens or who comes or goes in your life, you will always have your memories and now I’m kind of afraid that this is increasingly not the case.

[grad604kaede]

Week 7 SDL

Digital camera - 45 My parents gave me this treasured family camera, which is my creative companion. I use it to capture special moments, preserving memories with heartfelt photos. Additionally, I document my creative works, turning them into lasting images that tell the story of my passions and creations.

Canon kiss x9 - 46 A special Canon camera was a gift from my grandparents during high school and sparked my passion for photography. It became an essential tool for capturing life's beauty. I also used its photos as the foundation for my collage art, turning memories into unique visual stories.

Laptop - 53 My laptop is the foundation of my creative journey. I rely on it for crafting, learning, and pursuing new hobbies. It's a canvas for my ideas and a window to endless possibilities, fuelling my creative spirit. There is also a socio-cultural connection through the internet to gain insights and ideas for my projects.

Crochet project, Monke - 44 This crocheted monkey holds a special place in my heart. I crafted it during a COVID lockdown, symbolising my first amigurumi project and crochet journey. Through it, I learned techniques and developed material intuition. Crocheting has since become a cherished, calming hobby for me.

Small dog plushie - 46 This small dog plushie has been my lifelong buddy since age three. This plushie has become a memory as I used to take it with me everywhere. Its tactile nature, with tiny beads inside, provides comfort and nostalgia, making it an enduring part of my life.

YSL perfume - 48 The Mon Paris perfume by Yves Saint Laurent is a gift from my overseas grandmother and is a cherished possession. There is a connection to her through the scent. I appreciate exploring the world through various senses. This scent carries her essence, reminding me of my infrequent meetings.

Photos - 45 Printed photos are my time capsules, preserving precious memories and sparking creativity. As I revisit them, I journey through the past and relive emotions, interests, and hobbies of different life phases. Each image offers a unique perspective, providing abundant inspiration during creative blockages.

One Direction CD - 49 This One Direction CD was a gift from my grandmother and holds a special place in my heart. Over the years, its tunes have helped me calm down while working on my projects. Each unique song on the album inspires a fresh perspective, helping me guide my creative process.

Crocheting and knitting needles - 57 These crocheting and knitting needles were passed down from my mother and are significant to me. Using them creates a powerful connection to her and the craft's heritage. Their wooden construction, distinct from the usual steel or aluminium, adds warmth and tradition to my creative projects.

Speaker - 61 This is my UE Boom speaker, a gift from my father. It is important because listening to music greatly influences my creativity and helps me focus while working on my projects. I also like the texture of it, as it is bumpy. Music is also a big part of my family, so I feel the cultural connection through listening to music.

Trumpet - 57 This is a trumpet which was given to me by my grandparents. I have played the trumpet for eight years and am part of the local jazz band. My trumpet has gotten me into jazz music, opened new opportunities and influenced my music taste. I also like the material it uses and enjoy playing within a band.

Rings - 45 Rings have always been special to me since my grandmother gifted me one. Their tactile beauty, ranging from simplicity to intricate details, captivates me. Wearing them sparks my curiosity about the craftsmanship behind their creation, inviting me to explore the technical aspects of jewellery design.

Earrings - 57 Earrings and body piercings have fascinated me as dynamic expressions of fashion and self-identity. Their diverse shapes, colours, and designs ignite my curiosity, inspiring exploration of new piercing styles and creative styling possibilities. The art of selecting complementary jewellery and crafting unique combinations excites me, highlighting the creativity in stacking jewellery as a form of personal expression.

Letters - 57 Because letters are less commonly used than they used to be due to technological advancements, I feel a special connection to handwritten letters. I have been collecting them ever since I was little, and I look back at them when I come across them again. I also read the letters to recollect and look back at memories.

Keychains - 53 Keychains are common gifts people give me when they return from their trip or holiday. I can put it on my bags, keys and other objects. Each keychain has different shapes and graphic elements, which sparks my interest, and I even want to look at the location of where they got them from.

Natalie's shirt - 55

The shirt, a heartfelt gift from a friend on my eighteenth birthday, holds special significance. Its DIY-printed photo design, handmade with care, symbolises our shared passion for crafting. Inspired by my friend's love for DIY, I've embarked on a creative journey, relishing the learning process through trial and error and taking notes for future projects.

Ueno Richi book - 56

This Ueno Richi book was given to me by my great aunty. It is such an inspiring book, and I could spend a long time reviewing each page. This book is essential to me as my great aunty thought it would help me with my journey of becoming a designer. It inspires me to work harder.

Beaded necklace - 50

This handmade birthday gift from my best friend holds sentimental value as it marks the start of our shared passion for crafting beaded accessories. Each bead reflects my style, and the creative process involves thoughtful material selection. Embracing moments of indecision about bead choices adds to the joy of making.

Baseball glove - 43

This baseball glove is special to me as I used to play softball in high school. The glove used to be my father's as my family is a big baseball fan. Using his baseball glove makes me feel a connection with my family.

Spirited Away puzzle decoration - 52

Spirited Away is one of my favourite movies, and puzzles are also something I enjoy doing during my spare time. Ghibli movies are inspiring as they create a unique environment setting, graphic elements and storyline. This puzzle decoration symbolises my interest in Ghibli Studios and is a decorative piece in my room.

[interact-if]

Day 2 of Pride Month interviews! You know them, you love them…. give it up for Ames!

Ames, author of Attollo and Metamorphosis

Pride Month Featured Authors

“…and it was a singular, terrible thought, which burrowed itself into your mind like an engorged maggot. This was not a man nor a monster. This was a concept, an ideology, a terrible myth, which had personified itself to stand before you now.You were, to put it simply, screwed.”

After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend.

Too bad it’s never so simple.

Demo: Attollo, Metamorphosis (TBA)

Tags: cybernoir, thriller

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: Tell us a little bit about your project(s)!

Attollo is a cyber-noir horror set in a walled city off the coast of the Atlantic that’s been a victim of a nuclear disaster. After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend. Too bad it’s never so simple. Attollo is a 17+ game that deals with heavy topics and a lot of moral questioning; from cults to corrupt government, it has no shortage of monsters in the dark—both metaphorical and literal.

Metamorphosis is a crime/horror story based in the world of crime scene cleanup, where there are three simple steps: Get the call, clean the scene, and don’t ask too many questions. These are the rules that you live by under the employment of Noctua’s Crime Scene Services, and you credit them for keeping you alive.

However, after a routine house call brings forth nightmares of memories that are not your own, you find yourself pulled deeper into Noctua—a city of both monster and man—in a bid to find out the truth behind the murder of Deirdre Callow, and better yet, how her memories came to be yours. Your job mandates that you don’t dig too deep—but could this finally be the exception?

Metamorphosis is 18+ and will have explicit content; follow the last moments of a stranger to find out not only who took her life, but how this connects to the underbelly that Noctua works so hard to hide.

Q2: Why interactive fiction? What drew you to the medium?

Lmaoo, oh man. I think it really all began last summer when I first found examples of interactive fiction. I don’t even remember how I came across it, it might’ve been that I saw it mentioned in a post or I saw it as a tag on Itch.io, but at some point, last summer I began to investigate it more. I think what really drew me in was the ability for the player to control the narrative; it was like playing an old RPG, but modernized, and the fact that I could see a story unfold that was influenced by my decisions was so fascinating to me. Not to mention that IF allows so much more character depth than regular novels, in my opinion.

I’m 99% sure my first exposure to interactive fiction was through the game Crème de la Crème (a fantastic game, by the way) and I just enjoyed it so much that I went haywire for the genre. Then Temple of the Endless Night came out (another fantastic game that I’m looking forward to!), and that was really the turning point for inspiring me to give it a go. Now, almost a year later, here I am working on my own two games!

Q3: Are your characters influenced by your identity? How?

My bisexuality doesn’t have much of a major influence on the game, but I do think it contributed to the way that I view and write relationships. I figured out my sexuality around high school (I kissed a girl in high school and found out I liked it just as much as when I kissed a boy) and since then I’ve been very involved in the LGBTQ+ community of both my hometown and uni town.

I think this involvement, like being able to hear about other people’s experiences and share my own, has made me feel a lot more comfortable writing some of the characters in the game. Although Attollo and Metamorphosis both don’t focus heavily on relationships (both have murder in them, which I feel is a bit more pressing), I do keep the option for any RO’s to be romanced by anyone, regardless of gender or preference, because that’s simply what I’ve become so attuned to. In terms of side characters relationships as well, I think my involvement and my own experiences have allowed me to write far more diverse relationships than I might have, and I think that this has also allowed a more fulfilling experience for players when reading through.

I also have incorporated some struggles that I’ve faced before because of my identity into the games. For example, I and a few others have faced issues with religion due to who we are, and I incorporate this into both games. Dreamwalker, Pariah, and Sysba from Attollo all have shadows of this experience in their character origins, and Ilali and Ariston from Metamorphosis has a major point involving identity and beliefs. Both games also have undertows of ostracization and division between groups, which is also something I’ve experienced in the past. Being able to grapple these moments and control them via a narrative has been eye opening for both myself and others involved, and I’m hoping it can be a learning experience for the readers as well.

Q4: What would you like to see more of in LGBT+ fiction?

I think, now, the amount of progress in LGBTQ+ fiction is expanding at a wonderful rate. There are so many interactive fictions with options to select sexuality, select gender, select beliefs, etc. However, despite this expansion, there’s still a good deal of backlash against some aspects of LGBTQ+ fiction.

For example, as a bisexual woman who has dated men, I know there are some individuals who may not consider me a part of the LGBTQ+ because of this aspect. Not only is this incredibly disheartening, but it’s a viewpoint that I think should be educated against, and fiction is a fantastic pathway to do this. Another example I can think of is a friend of mine who identifies as asexual but is sex-neutral rather than sex-repulsed. Most people can’t believe her when she says this, and she often faces backlash for this declaration as well. This is another thing that I think that, with exposure through a medium such as fiction, can be worked on.

What I’m trying to say here is that I think LGBTQ+ fiction can be a brilliantly educational platform—if used right. Although it already teaches so much with what it has, I think having that representation of different subgroups of sexuality, of their experiences and beliefs, so people can become aware and knowledgeable of these options, is something I’d like to see more of.

Q5: What or who are some of your biggest inspirations?

Oh man, I struggled to list off inspirations because I know I have some, but as soon as someone asks me who they are my brain just goes ‘brrrrrr’ LMAO.

In terms of the games that I write and the worlds that I build, I think David Lynch and Robert Chambers are probably the two that I somehow incorporate. Attollo and Metamorphosis both have a lot of surrealist horror, which are what these two really specialized in. Shirley Jackson is also another person who inspired me a lot when it came to the writing and creation of Attollo, especially the intrapersonal relationships between the characters.

In terms of life, this is something else I really struggle to answer. I don’t really have celebrity inspirations or anything like that, but I do get inspired by my close friends and sister a lot. Seeing them go through the struggles that they face and absolutely thrive really drives me to push through my own struggles. They’re the strongest, most brilliant group of people that I know, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I can be a part of their lives. Not only that, but we also all collectively encourage each other to push further and to chase our dreams (as cheesy as that is LMAO) and that’s something that I think is another stroke of good fortune. I struck gold when I met them, and they’re some of the biggest inspirations in my life.

Q6: What’s a super vague spoiler for your current project?

For Attollo, I’d say ‘Home is where the heart is.’ For Metamorphosis, to quote John Berendt, ‘Always stick around for one more drink.’

Q7: Lastly, what advice would you give to your readers?

What advice would I give to you all? Oh my, I’m not exactly a wise woman here, but I’ll do my best to give you something lmaooo. I think what I really want you to walk away with, from both my stories and this interview, is that if you’re passionate about something, then share it with the world. Don’t let anyone deter your passion.

I remember listening to this painter once who commented to his friend how he ‘really liked painting’, and his friend’s first response was ‘but are you good at it?’. He then compared this to the scenario of walking; would you say, ‘but are you good at it?’ to someone who said, ‘I really like walking’? No, because it simply wouldn’t make sense, and it doesn’t make sense to say that to anyone who’s doing something out of passion.

To put it simply—if you love something, then don’t let anyone take that passion from you. I began writing these stories because I’m passionate about Attollo and Metamorphosis; I love each character, each bit of lore, and I share it with you because I want you all to enjoy it as well. Am I the best writer? God, no. Does everyone like what I write? Definitely not. But will I let this stop me from writing, from enjoying what I’m doing? Never, and I want you to do the same.

Explore your passions, embrace your passions, and let what makes you happy continue to do so

[nopefun]

Interview #500: Alex Thebez

Alex Thebez is an Indonesian artist, who is currently living in New York. He is fascinated by technology and its capacity to create and distribute visual imagery at a massive scale, and creates work that explores ideas of discomfort and disconnect. In his work, Alex is primarily concerned with images (both moving and still) and their ability to translate difficult emotions and contradictions surrounding themes of sexuality, national identity, home, and collective memory. Alex also runs TAGTAGTAG, an independent journal of creativity and influence.

I first met Alex online when I did an interview with him 10 years ago, and subsequently hung in real life whenever he visited. Such connections are the reason I’ve enjoyed running this platform: when online friends become IRL friends! To mark Nope Fun's 500th interview, it felt appropriate to speak to him again. We spoke about his latest projects, online spaces and identities. 

Thanks for agreeing to do this! I first interviewed you in 2012! I wanted to begin by asking: how has your approach and relationship to photography changed or not changed? You’ve done quite a few personal projects and commissions since then.

Hi Chang Ming, appreciate you reaching out. Definitely thankful that you are in my orbit because of photography and the internet. The biggest thing for me personally is the fact that I do not necessarily see photography as a craft that would be my primary method of income. I had the wonderful opportunity to create a lot of work that aligns with my personal interest and style, but ultimately I’ve realized that parts of my creative practice may not necessarily be tied strictly to image making. The internet and networked experiences are at the core of my work. I am pursuing this now in my current career, but also had the chance to explore my ideas a bit here through one of my projects - “A Handful of Unfulfilled Wishes.” I’ve become more interested not just in the photograph itself but also systems that enable it and also how everyday people use photography in their day to day experience today.

In “A Handful of Unfulfilled Wishes” there seems to be recurring ideas of anonymity, fractured objects and technology - all in a colourful mess. What was the process of making this project like? There’s quite a mix of elaborate studio set-ups (from what I can tell) and some portraits.

To be honest it was pretty organic. A lot of my work is about disassociation or the fragmentation of memory. In this series specifically, I was thinking about masculine identities, technology and emotional states within online spaces. Usually I have ideas for individual pictures, without necessarily knowing how it all fits together. When working on this series, I would create images without intentionally thinking that they would all fit into the same series. It’s not until much later, when I revisit the images again - together - that they feel as if they fit together. I knew that I wanted to create images that hint at how we interact with technology day to day, and how it evokes a sense of feeling which resulted in the more abstract images. The portraits and figurative photographs, however, refer to archetypes of people or personalities that may be associated with online culture. The work took a while, probably the longest project I personally have ever worked on.

I like how you had a subjective approach to ideas of technology and online space, which may be typically associated with something more impersonal. I also sometimes take pictures based on a certain notion or feeling, then retrospectively make sense of it. Photography can be a way to articulate things we can’t easily put into words. Would you say you had a similar approach for your earlier series “Feelings & Similar Items”?

For sure! Photography for me has always been a method to give form or shape to something that is not tangible. Whether it is a memory, a feeling or an idea -- photography helps ground something that is abstract into a visible form based on figures that exist in the world. Feelings & Similar Items was a series that explored a sense of placelessness. In Feelings, I mostly used personal documentary and street photography instead of studio photography.

You also include gifs in your personal and commissioned works which have quite a distinct look. You also did Gif Friends. Going beyond the static image, what about gif/videos are you drawn to? Thinking about how images circulate, do you see it as part of image-making or a form of digital medium on it’s own?

I think the idea of the internet and networked experiences are core to my creative practice. One idea that I was always fascinated with is the fact that digital technology flattens the boundary between different kinds of visual media. Whether it is a GIF, a video or a JPEG, they are all ultimately files - pixels on a screen. I would say that for the most part, my images are made for the internet. As an artist, I appreciate how combining these different elements together emphasize the sense of aesthetic that is only possible with digital technology (both in the way visual imagery is distributed and created.) Digital distribution is how most people create and consume images these days, so really, this is part of the language image-making at large now.

On the topic of images made for the internet and digital distribution, you mentioned you are creating an NFT. I’m curious but admittedly I don’t know much about it. What made you want to do it? What do you think about NFTs and what it means for artists?

As mentioned, the internet and networked experiences have been at the core of my curiosity, which means naturally I have been spending time learning more about NFTs and crypto. What makes me want to create an NFT has to do mostly with experimentation. Specifically for my series “A Handful of Unfulfilled Wishes” - the work fits into the way we distribute media online. It may be a bit early to say, but NFTs may enable artists to create new ways to engage with their community while being able to own the monetization of how their work is distributed, which I think is pretty exciting.

You have another project called “Undress”. What’s the idea/process of making this ongoing series?

“Undress” is similar to “Wishes” in that they are both projects that explore identities. I started thinking about clothing and the way that it shapes up who we are. Specifically, masculine identities. I had been thinking about lust, especially homoerotic lust and how it can relate to gestures that may seem everyday. “Undress” is an attempt to look at the moment in between, gestures that may translate to both identity and seduction. For the project, I intentionally placed my models against a white fabric background, shooting them using harsh, slightly overexposed strobe lighting. Most of the bodies featured in the project are either White or Asian as well, as a nod to the liminal space between the two ethnicities especially in the context of homosexual desires.

I like that you bring up this idea of an in-betweenness, perhaps a state of transition between how we present ourselves publicly vs privately, but frozen by the camera. Also, that it is undressing and not dressing, suggesting a removal. Any upcoming ideas or projects?

That’s a very interesting point, that undressing suggests a removal! Especially when thinking about racial dynamics and also how clothing adds (or detracts) from your identity. As for upcoming ideas, I would like to finalize Undressing - ideally I’d photograph a few more people to finalize this series. I am also thinking about projects that can uniquely live as NFTs, in addition to editing a few photographs that I have from my archive more cohesively. TAGTAGTAG has been dormant for a while and I am hoping to start that off again sometime early next year with a different format or approach.

Lastly, any music to recommend?

I have been listening to Ryo Fukui a lot. A friend of mine, Rob Karpay also has this wonderful album that I have been coming back to this year. I tend to make playlists once in a while, and you can find them all on my blog.

His website and Instagram. You can also find his NFTs here.

Get more updates on our Facebook page and Instagram.

[queerautism]

uniquely plural thing i guess?: i think it can be very fascinating how being in a system gives you an understanding of experiences besides your own that you wouldnt have the opportunity to get as a singlet, via seeing it or 'feeling' it during co front, passive influence, or memories of what its like (we have inter identity amnesia but it varies in intensity). one example i have is that i am Extremely demiromantic/sexual. that is, aside from specific ppl i have extreme close bonds w/ and just having a libido (which isnt attraction) i experience virtually no attraction of any kind, even with fictional characters. i always assumed it was a sort of exaggeration when ppl talked about someone being attractive or hot, or having superficial crushes like on celebrities or characters. But once my alter started to have interest in those things (theyve been with me since we were 13 [20 now] so its not rly surprising they didnt at first) it became obvious that they were alloromantic/sexual and it just. totally shattered my worldview??? bc it was like WAIT THATS WHAT ITS LIKE? U WERE ALL SERIOUS??? theyre also bi vs me being a gay man so it was extra bizarre when i was with them and they thought a girl was attractive. there are a multitude of other things like this w/ our system and its so weird sometimes

🌟

[princip1914]

For the writing game:

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why? I ask because I love your writing style in The False and the Fair (yes, I am still reading this, and I'm so sorry it's taking me so long), and I want to know more about your decisions!

52. How did writing change you?

<3 <3 <3

Ah, thanks for these questions! I think I actually stole this fic ask list from you--it's been a lot of fun!

I just answered 5 but probably my number 1, 2, and 3 for this question would be Anton Chekhov. I think most people reading my writing wouldn't necessarily see the similarities (I sometimes get lost in the sauce with flowery language), but I aspire to his level of concision, simplicity, and structural mastery. The Lady with the Dog is, in my opinion, one of the most perfect pieces of fiction to exist on this earth.

25. I like both! I write mostly out of order in bits and pieces which I then string together. When I plan a story though, I plan it beginning to end as the reader reads it. So, for instance, for The False and The Fair (since you asked!), I never had the two timelines planned out separately as separate stories. I sort of planned the story by theme/feel, so I knew I wanted a series of chapters that explored Crowley's fascination with makeup and their different trajectories of queer identity, I knew I wanted a series of chapters that explored Aziraphale's relationship with alcohol and shame, I knew I wanted both present and past first kisses to be about halfway through....etc.

I think I am better at writing non linear stories, and I really love doing non linear plots, but I am envious of people who can take a totally linear story and manage to escalate/raise the stakes without any structural tricks to speed things along. I think it's actually really hard to do!

52. This is such a hard question. I write for work, and I have been writing all my life, but only in the past few years did I start to write fiction seriously. I think finishing a long fic gave me a lot of self confidence because I truly didn't know I could *do that* without quitting. I also think writing enables me to get into other people's heads and helps improve my empathy, which is a thing all of us should actively be working on improving! Also, writing things that are personally meaningful to me has helped me figure myself out more I guess? Like, really dissect experiences/memories/identity markers that are important to me and why. I'm so grateful I started writing fiction again!

[lyriquette]

frosen steel au - salem reincarnation

// Inspired by a pair of quotes from Persona 3. The quotes are in bold.

The AU is about how Salem reincarnates with Ozma as part of their punishment, and Ruby becomes her next reincarnation. Given the premise, expect some angst. - lilac

Penny is developed by Atlas as an anti-Grimm weapon, a machine with a Semblance. She’s more mechanical-acting than canon, constantly telling herself that she’s a machine to fight the Grimm and trying to show that she’s just as useful as the Paladins that Dr. Watts developed. Ironwood and Polendina try to convince her that it shouldn’t be her sole purpose - the fact that she has a soul means that she is a real girl with feelings and a heart and that she shouldn’t limit her existence to solely being the perfect killing machine. However, Penny doesn’t consider their words. 

Meanwhile, Ruby is different with Salem's unknowing presence. She’s still friendly and geeky like in canon but feels she can’t quite connect with people. People are unnaturally unnerved by her, unable to precisely pick out what makes her so uneasy - it’s a very common theme with her personal relationships, family being the exception. And she can’t help but feel a bit resentful for it. Lately, she’s been finding herself thinking intrusive thoughts such as “humanity’s unredeemable. let the grimm have them” or “what’s worth protecting here?” before going “where the heck did all these thoughts come from?”

So enter a couple months before Ruby comes to Beacon. Penny arrives at Vale because the Cult of Salem, a group believing that the Grimm is the true path to salvation, is showing abnormal activity after years of being quiet. Penny stays with Ruby’s family for quite some time. Ruby is fascinated by the one person she doesn’t have a feeling of revulsion towards, and Penny is curious as to why she feels like she gravitates towards her. Because of these feelings and a shared love for weapons, they grow to become close friends. It’s to the point where Penny reveals her true nature to Ruby as well as her mission of defeating the Grimm and their Queen - part of her identity - and is joyous when Ruby tells her that she doesn’t think of her any differently than she did before.  

When Ruby goes to Beacon early, Penny is told to keep an eye on Beacon as well because of the increased criminal activity at Vale. Team RWBY still gets formed, and Ruby also gets to know Weiss who is oddly enough the other person she doesn’t feel grossed out by - unaware to them both, part of it is because of the other girl’s ability to summon Grimm. However, Weiss isn’t immune to Ruby’s strange aura, and they still get the rocky start in canon. 

However, Weiss learns to care for her team leader despite how uneasy she makes her. It’s hard not to, considering how obvious the younger girl cares for other people including herself who’s never really had much kindness back at home - just mostly cutthroat politics and dealings with an icy family to come back to. It’s hard to dislike someone who’s so warm and tries so hard. She does talk to Ruby about the feeling of danger she gets when she’s around her too.

----

“It’s always been like this, Weiss,” Ruby turned around, body quivering, “If you don’t want to stay....I’ll understand.”

Weiss walked over to the other girl and awkwardly pulled the other girl into a hug. 

“I won’t leave you. I’m not going to leave behind the best thing that’s happened to me.”

------

As the school year goes on, Weiss and Penny grow more affectionate towards Ruby while treating the other as a rival for Ruby’s affection. However, they do end up becoming grudging friends. Part of their grudging friendship is because of their shared origin at Atlas and their isolation - for Penny in this case, it’s because everyone she knows believes she’s just a robot (though they won’t say that in front of Ironwood’s face) while Weiss feels isolated because of her family. Their friendship blooms from all those things and Ruby. 

------

So cue the Vytal festival, the Cult of Salem which includes Cinder and co. executes the plan to awaken their god. The Battle of Beacon happens, except it is Ruby who ends up on top of the CCT tower. Cinder’s attempt to gain the Fall Maiden’s powers is thwarted with Penny’s presence, but Cinder has a backup plan.

Using the Wyvern and the accumulated negative emotions from both the machine and Grimm invasion, Cinder reawakens the presence within Ruby. Penny arrives to see the one she’s grown to admire become her destined enemy before her eyes. 

-----

“I remember... I remember everything. It all makes sense now. Who...and what I am,” Ruby stops holding onto her head, slowly standing up with the foreign memories inside her head. Cinder observes with wonder as the girl’s eyes flicker between silver and red. Ruby now realizes why she could never get along with people, why she had such a strong animosity towards humanity - a hate that grew reincarnation after reincarnation. 

“I’m her. I’m the Queen, aren’t I?” Ruby looks over at a dumbstruck Penny, holding out a hand and staring at the grounds beneath the tower, “Penny... I-I’m sorry. I can’t live with them anymore.” 

“Come with me...please.”   

Penny is dumbstruck at Ruby’s offer and holds out a hand before retracting it. She remembers all the people relying on her - relying on her to fight the Grimm - her dads, the people of Atlas, those in Vale, the Ace Ops - and whispers “I’m sorry” before lifting her head and revealing her blades.

“A machine is built for a purpose. Mine is to defeat you. I live for nothing else.”

Their fight destroy the top floor of the tower. Cinder meanwhile wrecks havoc with the Wyvern below, Pyrrha the newly-realized Fall Maiden running damage control.

Weiss reaches the two fighting above and tries to get the two people she cared about the most to stop fighting. She does so in the most direct way - by sticking herself between the two and nearly dies as a result. Penny hugs Weiss tightly to protect her, and both girls end up getting completely incapacitated. 

Ruby hovers between killing and sparing the two before her, the last bit of her humanity warring against Salem's influence. 

“I won’t spare you next time,” she finally says, “I’ve finally become the monster I knew I was."

She leaves the two behind and flies away with Cinder and the Wyvern, leaving a broken Beacon behind.  

I guess what comes after is the Hunt for Ruby Rose - primarily Penny and Weiss focused.

---

Also: Back at the Lab with Pietro and Ironwood

Penny having a breakdown. "Why did you give me the ability to feel? Why why why?!"

[plounce]

my Concepts for aj2

so these are my thoughts and ideas about the game that would follow aa4 in a timeline where we got a coherent apollo trilogy rather than aa5 and aa6. as such, i am discarding aa5 and aa6′s apollo backstories because i find them incoherent as an arc and only slapped onto him for the plots of the games. etc etc. theorizing on squandered potential is me-bait. trucy and klavier get to have THEIR place in the narrative as important characters!! (sorry athena. you will get your own trilogy with good writing and a better design in this timeline too)

this is very stream of consciousness and while i think it’s fairly coherent it is also not chronologically organized as i build on ideas. i am genuinely sorry if the read more doesn’t work on mobile because this thing is stupid long.

containing:

apollo, trucy, and klavier being a firm Trio and getting character development and growing closer :)

themes about found family, letting yourself love/be loved, performance and persona, love giving you strength to do good, you being the one to determine your identity

exploration of the trio’s backstories and the development of their skills

prosecutor franziska chipping away at the corruption within the legal system

klavier being the assistant for a case

kristoph continuing to be a corrupt bastard

buildup to the sibling reveal & canon klapollo in the conclusion of the trilogy

- apollo is the main character

- phoenix is absent for like the entire game besides maybe a couple tiny flashbacks, later revealed to be working with edgeworth on anti-corruption stuff (which is also tied to kristoph & kristoph’s ties within the legal system, “old boys club” etc)

- trucy is assistant for first half of the game

- klavier is assistant for second half of the game. his hair is in a little bun or ponytail :) no drill hair for THIS individual person

- klavier is prosecutor for trucy assistant cases. in the 3rd case klavier was supposed to prosecute against apollo but things keep getting fishier and fishier and things keep reminding them of kristoph. klavier is ordered off the case from on high. mysterious replacement. klavier is too invested in seeing truth & justice come to light so he helps apollo

- franziska prosecutes cases 3 & 4. she has short hair and it’s super sexy and hot.

- kristoph set things up so that klavier is implicated in things. dig into how klavier and apollo feel unable to escape kristoph’s influence - “he’s too foundational”

- 4th case klavier is on trial. oh maybe 3 isn’t about kristoph but it’s just background stuff about the rampup to the 4th case - klavier is put on probation while things are investigated but he doesn’t know WHY, but he’s still committed to his ideals

- trucy is pursuing her magic career, klavier still loves music - has been releasing solo stuff maybe, just some EPs for free/charity, but isn’t touring. focusing on law

- case 4 has a family friend (NOT A WOMAN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... A MALE DAMSEL PLEASE) get accidentally poisoned through something klavier gave them. that’s the trial itself. kristoph was the source. klavier is arrested. it’s more complicated that this but it gets to this point. day 2 of the trial is when klavier is implicated and he gets yanked into cuffs from the defense bench

- one of case 4′s pillars is a memory from the gavin brothers’ childhood. discuss how kristoph was as a child. klavier has been realizing how... odd certain things were, and trying to pass it off as like “haha yeah kristoph would dissect dead birds and convince our parents that every mess was my fault. i guess that makes sense considering how he ended up haha? I Don’t Feel Strongly About This I Just Think It’s Funny :)”

- apollo’s perceive abilities expanding to be able to perceive general emotional states as well - along with learning to practice more empathy, being considerate. No Klavier And Trucy, You Are Not Fine. this is kind of like athena’s thing actually huh

- trucy, meanwhile, is learning to be more like. emotionally... independent? no. emotionally... self-caring. both independent in that she’s a young adult and also caring in that she is trying not to force herself to take care of everyone all the time and show her less pretty emotions to apollo. take care of herself

- case 1 has to do with something happening at trucy’s show/her career/her school etc. she’s still a real person etc. trucy’s friends mostly being adults, her feeling isolated at school. nah wait this is a slightly absurd world she’s not overly weird for her classmates necessarily. yeah ok it’s about magic

- case 2 has to do with klavier being a rockstar, the pressure of celebrity and public fascination with his persona. stalker fans, music industry, talk shows, etc. someone trying to convince him to come back to music. klavier has to arrest someone he’s fond of again. no big stadium performance in this game

- the trio all dealing with themes of hiding and trying not to feel “bad” emotions: apollo going “im fine” and suppressing his problems & just trying to do his job so he can cope with how overwhelmed & stressed he feels constantly etc etc + trucy hiding the secrets of her magic which is sort of representative of her hiding a lot of her sad/”ugly” feelings because she thinks she needs to because she thinks phoenix depends on her being cheerful all the time + klavier dealing with having a public persona and the pressures of being Himself, trying to be the person others see him as/want him to be, who is klavier when he is not performing? who are all of them when they are not performing? who are they performing for?

- yes i am a “woman” yes i am obsessed with the idea of performance

- trio all dealing with/feeling lonely wrt family: apollo learning more about jove (possibly during the music industry case - someone knew his dad, who refused a big contract), who he was & one of the cases involving someone from his past in the foster system - maybe it’s even clay! - but in general feeling very disconnected from “family” in general esp compared to trucy&klavier’s family troubles being so immediate and raw for them + trucy feeling lonely and kind of abandoned as phoenix is increasingly gone in this game and seeming very distant from her, similar to how zak abandoned her, and also the pains of growing up + klavier’s parents either are dead or are somewhat estranged after he got kristoph imprisoned, klavier feeling very lonely in general after his pursuit of truth&justice has snipped many of his connections from him

- yes i am gay yes i am obsessed with found family

- franziska having a moment of “i get how it is and it sucks” with klavier about Complicated Feelings About Family

- she eventually does realize during case 4 that klavier is guilty but has to hide it in order to push one of kristoph’s allies out into the open. sorry kid uh... what do you like. i will buy you. an ice cream? or something. look do you want a gift card i’ll buy you a gift card

- kristoph’s lawyer shows up near the start of the game to give things to apollo which he is deeply suspicious of but ema tests them and they come up clean. guy shows up here and there throughout the game. maybe tries to bribe apollo or something. apollo gets invited to a Fancy Lunch because he’s the one that bested kristoph gavin and that shows Promise. in a sense. or something. apollo being manipulated by people who refused to hire him when he got kristoph convicted etc

- themes about being young in a world full of secrets and webs of alliance that you feel barred from because you have ideals and won’t compromise them and also either come from nothing or burned all your bridges. just aa protag things <3

- oh maybe there’s a new judge who is also In On Nefarious Plots

- catching these people doesn’t fix everything but - it’s something. they got a couple shitheads

- trucy continues developing her gramarye abilities. more emotional depth. more exploration on complex feelings wrt phoenix and her childhood and her adolescence and how she’s fairly well-adjusted as one can be but also... the shit still hits yk... she’s like 16 years old so she’s maturing

- ema is there. she and apollo get along a bit better. asks after phoenix. provides evidence against klavier, and then evidence for.

- followup on apollo-edgeworth klavier-phoenix parallels - who is the one bringing them further into the light, chaser/chased, the one who wants more/the one who pushes away, etc etc

- follow through on implied gramarye mafia connections

- klavier isn’t super in the first case besides the courtroom and maybe one appearance, but he is like. worried about trucy if there is cause to be worried about her. set up their dynamic beyond trucy just liking the gavinners

- trucy&apollo and klavier&kristoph compares&contrast

- franziska is(/appears to be) very doubting/dismissive of apollo’s belief in klavier bc it’s like... are you pursuing the truth? or trying to shield your friend?

- apollo does end up almost very close believing klavier was in kahoots with kristoph/kristoph’s friends because it just looks. really bad. like it genuinely looks VERY BAD. and he’s like “i have to find truth like prosecutor von karma said”. yknow how with a lot of aa cases it starts out “oh no it looks open and shut” and then is like “NO WAY THEY COULD HAVE DONE IT... BUT HUH”. this one is reverse. and then straightens back out again. dig the hole then climb back out

- yeah the theme is like. “are you trying to find truth or do you want to protect your loved ones. what is your duty as a person, your job or your loved ones.” this carries through on klavier’s thread from aa4 where he has to work against his loved ones. meanwhile apollo, who is a bit more cool-tempered irritable grump, is the one going “oh god, am i biased towards my friends?” so it sort of flips. what kind of stories will you weave to clear your friends of blame? kristoph’s boys club.

- echo back to “evidence is everything” - this line of thinking (in a certain way) is what saves klavier when kristoph is trying to punish him for his betrayal

- since phoenix is away, the gramarye siblings aren’t revealed yet. but more info is dropped to compensate - stuff about jove and apollo’s childhood in the foster system and how that’s shaped him into someone who keeps people at arm’s length to keep himself safe; trucy and apollo getting closer despite that, trucy busting down those barriers because she needs his support and he’s like “oh my god i have to support her.” older sibling stuff.

- maybe the trucy case involves like. a mafia guy trying to collect on debts or smth and tries to ruin trucy, and threatens apollo. there’s a hint that is very obvious to the audience but is like “wow apollo he thought you were my brother!” like the mafia guy calls apollo “the other child” and apollo is like “hey, i’m 24!” which is humorous but also the audience is like Oh My God I Know What That Means

- there isn’t a deliberate withholding of information from phoenix - he literally is not there to withhold it. but there is still tension and stakes and weight to their relation - apollo keenly feeling his absence of family and trucy feeling sort of abandoned by phoenix

- phoenix is like “ok trucy you’re almost an adult so i’m trusting you to stay safe and responsible while i’m away. apollo will technically be in charge but i’m still trusting you” and privately to apollo is like “If Anything Bad Happens To Her. Your Head Is On The Line.” so it is just them making it on their own

- klavier drops the line “watching you two is like what kristoph and i should have had” and then there’s a couple “...” dialogue boxes as the audience is like I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS and then apollo is like “... are you for real comparing me to kristoph.” haha funny but also THERE IT IS

- very carefully walked tightrope. acknowledged enough that there is still tension/suspense around it but not too much as to be slightly infuriating

- before the last case trucy gets mad at apollo for something - trucy is allowed by the narrative to be angry for real. stand up for herself. trucy and apollo come back together to defend klavier. they see each other in the detention center when theyre still mad at each other - trucy was visiting klavier (he wasn’t there for the fight). “you made fraulein trucy very mad, hm?” then during the trial trucy busts in dramatically with important help when things look very bad for klavier

- aj3 has emotional revelations/high points of the trio - siblings reveal and klapollo canon. aj2 is a lot of building of these connections and building suspense and tension. more more more of these relationships before they emerge fully formed in aj3

- the last trial echoes the “im the only one who can save prosecutor gavin” or whatever gay thing apollo says in the last trial of aa4 because he literally is. just a lot of hinting and them getting along. case 3 is very important because that’s when it’s just them and it’s “oh! we work well together! we’re complementary!”

- implement the dual investigation mechanic from dgs so it does feel collaborative

- just build on the fact that klavier is the first friendly, helpful, cooperative prosecutor. he wants to help you. make that a very positive, very important feeling while still making it extremely enjoyable

- resolves in “you can have truth AND the ones you love”. or smth like that but more nuanced. it’s very inspirational and sentimental etc

- you get to meet vongole and it’s a Pet The Dog moment for klavier. look! how nice he is. he truly loves this insanely sweet and lovable dog. trucy is enamored with vongole as well. “it’s strange that she was kristoph’s dog, hm? with how affectionate she is.” “well, i guess being owned by kristoph doesn’t means she’s an equally bad dog ... ER i mean--” “hm, you always struck me as a cat person, herr forehead?” “uh - well yeah, you’re right. but... that doesn’t mean i don’t think vongole is a pretty great dog.” IMPLICATIONS. SUBTEXT. TASTE IT IN THE AIR

- oh there’s definitely a moment in case 2 when you get to examine klavier’s apartment and you can look at a couple albums and for a gavinners album apollo is like “ugh” but then you get one of his solo eps and apollo is like “trucy made me listen to this. it... was okay. not as bad as the gavinners stuff. sounds more honest. or something like that.”

- oh also when you examine the guitar klavier offers to teach apollo some basics. hee hee (BUT ALSO... JOVE!!)

- maybe for case 2 The Industry Suits want klavier to stop releasing his eps for free/total charity so it’s a whole coordinated scheme. his manager, a devoted fan who hates to see him going his own way and being happier for it, etc. “we want you to be the person you were. the one we could possess.” be more like gavinners klavier instead of honest relaxed current klavier. be who we want you to be so we can make you dance like a puppet. music industry kristoph parallels.

- “i’m sick and tired of being a plaything for other people!” >:( face moments

- a fan broke into his house and defaced the solo stuff etc. >:( face.

- who determines who “you” are? what role do your loved ones have in your life? those who truly love you can save you and make you better. loving and being loved sincerely and genuinely and truly have positive effects on your life. letting people love you and letting yourself love them is good.

- ugh but this kind of contrasts with the “the old boys club is controlling and using/shaping the institution of law to amass wealth and power for themselves while throwing others under the bus.” well actually wait

- lunch with apollo = they don’t actually care about each other, would throw each other under the bus for their own benefit

- contrast between sacrificing the weak to protect the strong and protecting the weak to depower the evil strong

- love and bonds can motivate/enable you to chip away at the system and can help you make a difference. les mis etc etc etc

- the old boys club are all putting up fronts of appearing strong and tough and above everything and in control. real love and friendship let you show vulnerability and weakness and help you & your bond come out stronger for it. (tumblr voice) the mortifying ordeal

- additional stakes of “if you are found aiding this criminal and hiding evidence etc etc we will disbar you” or smth. stakes for sticking with klavier, for winning the trial, for demonstrating care. franziska is kind of like “... apologies. but you had nothing to worry about so don’t worry about it.” 

- klavier and apollo damned by association with kristoph, especially as a kristoph scheme was just found to happen, and it depended on kristoph being in jail, so maybe they were the ones to enable that part of the plan... it’s a long con...

- it feels like there should be another legal reform here to make aa4′s jury implementation but maybe this one is more about how reform is often very gradual and like chipping away at a mountain

- in aj3 the death penalty gets reformed. (tension there about kristoph being on death row and this game piles on a lot more GOD KRISTOPH SUCKS but then it’s like. no. we have to fight for True Justice and the legal system is extremely imperfect (how many of our clients narrowly avoided a wrongful guilty verdict!) so we have to prioritize protection over punishment)

- “it’s like chopping heads off the hydra. it feels like we’ll never actually change anything.” “yes, but hercules didn’t defeat it by himself. he had a partner that burned the stumps after he sliced off the heads. ... one person to hold the sword, one person to hold the torch.” NARUMITSU KLAPOLLO PARALLELS. HI

- okay i had some really good discussions on twitter w @henriettamarias about this and here’s a couple more things

- trucy’s case involves her inheriting the gramarye secrets and the legacy. the weight of tradition and the burden of what has happened in her family. trucy’s estranged grandmother shows up - it’s kind of similar to the feys kind of. the grandmother is a complex maternal figure who doesn’t know trucy and trucy doesn’t know her and it’s sort of the idea of... even if your “new” family is related by blood, you still have to choose them. and trucy’s like !!! because she’s openhearted but the grandmother disappears - doesn’t choose trucy. it’s not a Villainous Action it’s just... it’s complicated. maybe it’s to protect trucy or something. it wasn’t done to hurt trucy is what i’m getting at, but it still hurts

- one of the music industry people in klavier’s case is a gavin uncle/aunt/cousin who is pressuring him to go back to being an Extremely Profitable Rockstar. and klavier has to deal with more disappointment from a family that values extreme success and is sort of cold (this contrasts with the warmth of the WAA found family). they liked klavier when he was very successful and famous on two fronts but now he’s opened the door and invited in shame on their family’s name so everyone’s kind of mad at him. trucy and apollo get to be really defensive of him

- apollo’s case is one i’m still thinking on what it’ll be about because i’m deeply uninterested in his aa5+aa6 backstories but there’s not A Concept to go deeper into like trucy magic and klavier music... it does involve his past from being the foster system. i think maybe there’s a teen who he was kind of the older brother of for a while before the kid got adopted who contacts him for help defending himself.

- while trucy and klavier’s stories are about rejection from their blood family, apollo’s is about warmth with a boy who he met and made a familial bond with

- at the end of this case there’s some piece of evidence that mentions kristoph and this is never resolved within that case but it sort of leads into the next kristoph-focused case

- trucy doesn’t get angry at apollo over being like jealous there’s something else that happens in this case... it doesn’t end super satisfyingly and tidily wrapped up in a neat bow. there are a lot of lingering questions and it makes everyone uneasy

- in case 3 apollo gets injured and is feeling really defensive and kind of scared and trucy is upset with him for putting himself in harm’s way to save her and they have a fight and they’re both kind of hiding their true feelings with anger to cover up how scared they were (gramarye secrets) and it just. boils over. klavier tries to mediate but it’s... a lot. they both say some things they don’t mean. :(

- oh my god. the person who got poisoned in case 4 was apollo’s foster brother from case 3. and it HURTS because we’ve spent a whole case getting to know him and working so hard to save him from a guilty verdict and it’s like :D yay he’s ok! and then he just. dies. and it’s so fucking sad

- he got poisoned because kristoph looked through papers and found that him and apollo were close so he’s like “oh i can use that ^_^” because he’s a bastard. but klavier was the one in constant contact with him recently so it’s like UH OH! UH OH! plus other aa level complications etc

- the tightrope of trucy being mad at apollo and the tragedy of apollo’s foster brother dying is one that will have to be very carefully walked bc we don’t want trucy to look like an asshole because above all she does love apollo

- i guess it’s also apollo pushing her away because I’M FINE. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME CONFRONT MY TRAUMA. IF I THINK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS I WILL GO INSANE. yeah that works

- OH and also she’s mad at him for not telling them about the lunch with kristoph’s lawyer friends. klavier is kind of mad about that too so apollo is like STOP GANGING UP ON ME

- so the setup of case 4 is: day 1: apollo and klavier investigating, in court klavier is implicated and is put in detention, day 2: apollo investigating by himself and missing his friends :(, franziska being like “where is your sister” and apollo being like “ok first she’s not my sister. second IM FINE I CAN BE ALONE, I CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY ANYWAY” and franziska is like “... yeah being betrayed sucks, i get it, but like. are you sure about that. fine whatever you idiot be a fool”, but then in court trucy busts in at a dramatic moment and narrowly saves klavier from getting a guilty verdict, day 3: trucy and apollo investigating and Saving The Day!!!!!

- for franziska in case 4 there’s this tension between her belief that klavier is guilty (because shit looks BAD and also kristoph sort of sent shockwaves through things etc) and franziska being older (she has short hair and it’s hot) and more emotionally mature and being like “baby lawyer. it’s okay to chill. it’s fine. you’ll be okay”. but also being extremely wary and hating the corruption and collusion within the law community because MvF dealt with a lot of that and she will be BETTER than that, she has to work hard to erase the harm that her father did. she’s kind of a superhero in terms of tackling a lot of corrupt-lawyer/cop cases - it’s her specialty now. god she is hot

- aw in case 4 ema is like. kind of reluctant to help implicate klavier. because while she thinks he’s annoying she doesn’t think he’s a bad guy. she feels really conflicted :( like she blusters to cover it up but she does say to apollo at one point “hey... you better do your job right. don’t slack. defend your client.” awww she care him

- kristoph gets brought out from prison as a witness in case 4. this really negatively affects klavier (and apollo too kind of but less so), but the strength of Found Family helps him be strong :) yay

- there’s mention made of kristoph having Secrets, but since apollo doesn’t have a magatama and phoenix isn’t there, the black psyche-locks aren’t explored. it gets revealed in aj3

- apollo does have a conundrum similar to the aa5 stuff where his perceive ability is going haywire at klavier’s entire emotional state because BOY is it screwy (suppressed memories from childhood??) so he just has to rely on plain old logic

- (cw animal death) god what if one of those childhood memories is kristoph poisoning klavier’s pet - experimenting, doing trials. klavier realizes that during the trial. jesus christ. evil bastard kristoph i hate his guts. at least klavier gets to go home and pet vongole so so much

- OH on a happier note we get to meet mikeko... mikeko loves trucy and klavier so much. it’s like a big gooey hint that LOOK APOLLO LOVES THESE PEOPLE - HIS CAT IS PURRING AND CUDDLING ALL OVER THEM :) Express Your Feelings, Apollo

- i think for aj3 it’s apollo & co having their own schemes and plans sort of. bc in this setup, klavier and apollo (and trucy too) are being yanked around by the machinations and plots of the older generation like in aa4. i think in aj3 is when they finally get a leg up and have control over things for once. good for them! good for them

- oh also in aj3, it’s revealed that thalassa has been held hostage by some bad guys, which is why she didn’t come back after some time away to figure herself out to tell them. and then apollo and trucy get to know they’re siblings :)

- okay that’s it. maybe i’ll add more if i think of more. hope u enjoyed :~)

[milkbreadtoast]

Hey so! I’ve been wanting to share one of my Kurama(yu yu hakusho) headcanons for a while, but have been too lazy(and scared) to put it into words and share it w/ my followers ahah. But i’m finally gonna share it..! This is one of my headcanons that’s most crucial to how I interpret his character... and I want to preface this with saying that everyone has a different interpretation of a character, and that’s ok; u don’t have to agree. Interpretations can feel very personal sometimes...this one means a lot to me personally haha. Anyway, here goes: (BIG SPOILER WARNING!!!)

Basically... I think the current Kurama, “Shuichi” Kurama with the red hair, is LITERALLY a different person than he was in the past, due to the unique way he escaped death by merging with the unborn child of a human woman, and that his current personality makes a lot of sense if you think of him... as a fusion, in a sense... kinda like a Steven Universe fusion(not exactly, but hear me out)...

The present day Kurama is shown to be a really different person than the legendary thief Yoko Kurama. This difference becomes starkly apparent when the Yoko Kurama of the past makes his appearances in the dark tournament, and he’s very sadistic, cruel... very different from the Kurama shown until then. 

Although the current Kurama has the same memories and consciousness, intelligence, etc. and is still fully “Kurama”, and a 1000+ year old demon, he also seems to act...like a normal teenage boy. He giggles, jokes around, cares a lot about his friends, and of course, loves his human mother... 

Hiei describes Kurama in an internal monologue in ep 47, and it’s very interesting...

Kurama also describes himself in this way, in the same ep:

Although not in the manga, Kurama also says this in ep 108:

When Kurama talks about how he’s changed since being reborn, and how he’s become a different person...  I think... it's more than just a change of heart. He's literally a different person, because his soul merged with that of the boy who would have been born as Minamino Shuichi.

And moreover, Kurama himself seems to be aware of this? in the way he describes himself...the whole “we’re merged,” “while I am Kurama, I am also Minamino Shuichi,” “no longer the same Kurama that I used to be”... And perhaps most convincingly, in this line he delivers in “Two Shots”: 

Specifically describing himself as having a “human side”, despite also explaining to Yusuke in his introduction that he is fully a demon, despite his human appearance. 

Given his wisdom and intelligence, retained from his past as Yoko Kurama, this--his self-identity--is surely something he’s thought hard about over the years, and this is the conclusion he’s come to... Even though he is classified as a demon, this is the way he describes himself... as a fusion of sorts, as being part “human”... (and Hiei’s description is mostly likely influenced from what Kurama has told him, along with his own understanding of Kurama). 

The current Kurama shows a profound duality, and it makes him such a fascinating character... in certain moments, he shows a coldness, a brutality, a willingness to take lives, and wisdom and intelligence that certainly goes far beyond his human years. Yet... stuff like how he giggles and jokes, and how he outsmarted Kaito by making a funny face... to me, this is something new... something unique to his current self...something the old Yoko Kurama wouldn’t do. 

The way Kurama acts in the present day...  the way he's 100% a demon, yet distinctly...human... makes so much sense if you think of him as being like a fusion?? When “he merged with the body of the human who would have been born as Minamino Shuichi”, I think their souls also merged. (edit: This also makes sense if you consider that in his severely wounded state, Yoko Kurama was essentially reduced to a bare soul, disembodied and dying--If this fusion between his dying spirit and this fresh, living human soul did not take place, he would not have survived. The unborn baby is not yet conscious, so Kurama’s concsiousness took over completely, but the fusion still occurred...)

Kurama is still Kurama-- but there’s something added, something more.  I think the human who would have been born as Shuichi would have been a very gentle person... so some of that got absorbed into Kurama's soul when they merged... and so his current, softer personality is not JUST a cruel demon who got touched by human kindness and had a change of heart... but a fusion of the original yoko’s personality, and the personality of the human boy he merged with. He did have a change of heart, but this was facilitated by him gaining... a new capacity for feelings? in a sense? due to this fusion. 

This interpretation I have of him... it makes me feel so much for him...b/c even tho he's...not the same person anymore, he still has the same memories and consciousness; he both is, and isn't, the same person.  I think it probably contributes to the guilt and self hatred he feels on some level, which is evident in what he tells Yusuke in the beginning...

It’s true that he said he tried many times to leave throughout his life, to return to his previous life in the demon realm, but it’s also true that he was never able to. His mother’s smile, her sacrifice for him, her genuine warmth and love for him... it moved him, and he decided to stay, and to protect her and the things precious to him now. And I argue that the “human” side of him, the result of a fusion of souls, enhanced his capacity to be moved, weakened his resolve to return to his past life...

When other yokai accuse him of "going soft"... that's not quite what happened...it is, in some ways, but not the full story. Although he is still the ancient, 1000+ year old demon Kurama, and retains all his memories and sense of self... there is still a part of him, a new part, that really IS as young as he looks... one that is gentle, empathetic, kind, and constantly haunted by his past.

In some ways, this added layer of softness can be seen as a fallibility, an exploitable weakness... how convenient, for the cruel and merciless, cold and calculating thief to become “soft”... a soft point, a weak point, where there was only hardness before. But,

Kurama himself believes it is a strength. Although I do think he harbors some level of hidden self hatred, he doesn’t hate this side of himself. In fact, he embraces it, is proud of it, and will fight to protect what he has now with his life on the line. He has found people and things he wants to protect... he’s come to see the beauty of the human world around him, even the mundane... he’s come to see the beauty and power in something as simple and fragile as a rose. 

And the important people in Kurama’s life(e.g. Hiei), unlike the yokai who jeer and mock him, also see this part of him as a strength and not a weakness, and accept him as who he is today. 

Kurama has a war in his heart... and this inner conflict and duality makes so much sense with the fusion interpretation. Itsuki makes this observation:

“affection” and “carnage”... two sides of himself, at war... consistent with his past life of violence and cruelty, and the gentle human soul he merged with that literally made him a different person...  But again he’s still “Kurama”; he’s 100% yokai, not a human, and he remembers everything.

This headcanon of mine is why it doesn’t really feel right to me when I see people joke that Kurama’s just an old guy hanging out with a bunch of kids (like that steve buscemi meme lol). Again, in my interpretation... in some ways he IS just a teenage boy... even though he’s 1000+... which is why it makes sense that he genuinely enjoys having friends his “own age”... it’s more than just a facade of pretending to be a kid, I think. 

And I mean...just look at him. HE...... IS BABIE 🥺🥺🥺

TL;DR I see the current Kurama as literally being a fusion of souls, literally “not the same Kurama” as before, and this colors the way I interpret him haha,,,

.............................

OK THIS POST IS ALREADY LONG AS ASS, WHY NOT MAKE IT EVEN LONGER BC THERE’S SMTH ELSE i WANTED TO POINT OUT

This might be unique to the anime, but it fits in nicely with my headcanon... In the original Japanese cast, Kurama(as Shuichi) is voiced by Megumi Ogata, and the Yoko Kurama of the past is voiced by Shigeru Nakahara (i.e., when he appears in the dark tournament, and in subsequent flashbacks to Kurama’s past). However, when Kurama transforms into his yoko form on his own in the Chapter Black arc, not by the influence of the potion that literally turns back time...he keeps his Megumi Ogata voice even in that form... whereas in flashbacks he's consistently voiced by Shigeru Nakahara.  ITS A REALLY NICE TOUCH....and it confirms what he says when he's like i haven't actually reverted back, my body just transformed due to my heightened yoki.

And not only his voice, he even looks different... his yoko form is given a slightly different design in Chapter Black arc. In the dark tournament, his outfit is sleeveless, he has frayed eyebrows, and his ears are smooth. 

In black chapters... for some reason they started giving him sleeves

and more solid eyebrows...

and raggety ears? vs smooth

(SO CUTE I LOVE THEM...) 

These differences are shown in this production note from the anime, indicating that this was a conscious design choice in the anime: 

(I can’t read the text, but I see that episode #90 is specified in the right pic, which is the ep Kurama transforms into his yoko form in Black Chapters)

Anyway, these are very subtle details, but to me they’re another indicator that even in his yoko form he's not the same Kurama as he was before...!

OK THAT WAS LONG AF BUT I’M DONE NOW I THINK......... enjoy these kuramas before u go ^_^

[dgrayland]

★D.GRAY MAN ★ ANIME & MANGA RECCOMENDATIONS

So, you all knows how much I love D.Gray-Man (forever and ever and ever) but when you get at the point where you pretty much watched and rewatched the entire series - original & hallow and all - as well as read and re-read the manga you’re gonna need a breather to process all the emotions but yet still can’t seem to let go. Yet at the same time, ya need a breather with something familiar yet something new. Yule gotchu, fam (＾＾)ｂI’ve compiled a few recommendations that might match your tastes. 

The few below would probably have elements from DGM that you might like and find intriguing and probably fill up the time until Hoshino reveal more to us. 

Here we go!

GLOSSARY 

01. Claymore

02. 07 Ghost 

03. Pandora Hearts

№ 1 — CLAYMORE 

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★★ 

This is an oldie but a real goodie. I think it was way back when I was in middle school when I first watched Claymore but recently I rewatched it and it’s still very good. The action scenes were top notch and each battle is very interesting to watch especially when they really go at it. 

The story takes place in medieval-esque time in a world that’s overrun by demons known as Youma who can disguise themselves wearing human skin. They’re difficult to get rid of and when a town found themselves infested, they have no choice but to contact and Organization in order to dispatch a Claymore warrior in order to deal with the monster. In this story, we follow a Claymore named Claire, one of the Silver-Eyed Witches as she is accompanied by her human companion Raki. 

The Organization is definitely the Order’s equivalent, Youma’s as Akumas and Claymore/Silver-Eyed Witches as Exorcists. 

Those who love D.Gray-Man would definitely find something to like in Claymore as they hit similar themes although Claymore is definitely a bit more darker and gory in nature so beware of that (A bit of warning on assault too. I think two scenes but it didn’t get far.) There’s definitely body horror and blood and guts but it’s mostly keep out of eyesight in the anime but the same can’t be said for the manga. 

The story is really intriguing and really led you to wanting to know more and wanting to know how it ends. The soundtrack is also absolutely fitting and gets you hype up with the scenes. There’s 26 episodes for the anime and the manga is complete with 156 chapters (give or take) Though I haven’t finished the manga yet so no spoiling me (;´д｀) Not that I don’t know the ending...what?! Sometimes I can’t help myself! 

I have so many things I want to rave about this anime but I’m gonna keep my lips shut and let you experience it by yourselves. (・ω<)

Not enough? Let these few gifs convince you! 

№ 2 — 07 GHOST 

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★

Same with the above, I was probably in middle school when I first stumbled on this anime. After completing Claymore for the second time, I instantly remembered and rewatched it. This focuses more on emotional point similar to D.Gray-Man where characters have their own arcs and lessons to go through. 

07 Ghost takes place in a fantasy realm with cultural influence from Germany, magic in forms of Zaiphon and even have Sky Pirates! Yes Sky Pirates! The story however follows Teito Klein, a battle skalve (slave) for the Empire but one day he starts to remember his past and flees from the Empire falling into the church grounds where the 7 Ghost are worshipped. And soon he have to deal with Kors and Wars who temps humans to grant their wishes before taking their souls and run into the 7 Ghosts as he tries to uncover his hidden memories of the past. 

I think out of the three recommendation, 07 Ghost hits most of the same notes as D.Gray-Man though I do prefer DGM in terms of story telling and everything but 07 Ghost is an interesting emotional journey of its own. In this series, the Church mirrors the Order though DGM order is much darker in terms of ambitions, Wars and Kors mirroring Akumas and the Clerics and 7 Ghosts can stand in the place of the exorcists. Allen and Teito have similar notes as well but I won’t say much more because it’d be spoilers but a clue would be in terms of identity, they’re not all they seem. Lastly, 07 Ghost have a beautiful melody called Raggs Requiem that would be Lacrimosa Lala’s song equivalent. 

The anime guarantees a good time having hit the same comedic and emotional points and for all those shonen-ai shippers, this is the series for you (o'ｕ≦o) though I have yet to see if the couples end up together (I’m still reading the manga. Gomennasai m(；∇；)m ) so no guarantees on that. For the first time viewers, you’re gonna need tissues for the anime. It’s not a long anime with 25 episodes that focuses on the church before Teito leaves for the journey but it’s a worthwhile experience. 

As for the manga...I was a bit disappointed by a couple of scenes as it moves at a fast pace and didn’t have as much of an emotional impact on the readers as covered by the anime but the story is fascinating and the characters have many layers and the deeper you go, the more you see their motivations aren’t surface level. The manga isn’t long spanning exactly 100 chapters (if you count the extra) and there’s enough mystery and emotional backstory as well as action to go around. I’m actually disappointed that they didn’t continue the anime as the story after Teito left the Church was very interesting especially when it comes to the identity of Teito Klein as well as the true identities and past of the 07 Ghost : (1) Zehel, (2) Fest, (3) Profe, (4) Relikt, (5) Vetrag, (6) Ea and (6) Lankarte as follows - 

Not to mention we have a younger less cynical perverted version of Cross, a less eccentric but still highly eccentric Komuii-like character as well as a cute mascot, Burupya! How could you say no to such a cute face?

№ 3 — PANDORA HEARTS 

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★★

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. THOSE THAT KNOW WILL KNOW AND I KNOW THAT MOST OF YOU KNOW! This...This is probably the only anime and manga that can compete against DGM emotionally and story-plotting wise. They both will eff-ed you up emotionally, bawling into tissues as well as leave you screaming at books and screens at what will happen next. 

Oh gosh, I hope I do it justice. 

Pandora Hearts takes place in a fictional England in Victorian Era times in the age of noble houses and Dukedoms. On the very day that a boy Oz Vessalius is about to have his Coming to Age ceremony, he fell down and discovers a pocket watch upon a that plays a mysterious melody. Strange things happens and he was thrown into the world of Abyss - a twist on Lewis Caroll’s Wonderland filled of broken things, the Will of the Abyss and beings called Chains. There he meets a Chain and form a contract with her bringing him back to his own world but an Organisation have tracked him down and now he have to cooperate with them as he unravels the mystery about himself, the Chains, the Abyss and the dark secret that loomed behind the noble houses that affects their pasts, present and future. 

There’s so much I want to say and yet can’t say about this series because the amount of spoilers. It would be something that haunt you for a long time and once you get invested, you can’t quite get out. 

There’s similarities between characters such as Oz with Allen and I dare say Komuii and Sheril with Xerxes but both series have a strong character cast that you would fall in love with each of them and layered story where nothing is as it seems including characters. The Chains can stand as either Innocence or Akumas in a sense but it isn’t a typical monster hunting story, it’s rather focused on unravelling the mystery one string at a time. There are heavy elements on horror and a bit of warning of blood and a bit of bodily harm so take note of that.

The anime is 25 episodes long and serves as a good enough introductory to the series but the manga is where the story truly shines. The soundtrack however is wicked epic and worth listening to. Yuki Kajiura lends her talents creating haunting melodies that would haunt your mind and tug at your hear strings. The manga spans around 104 chapters and good news! It’s completed so no need to sit in agony for so long (gawd knows I have. I had to wait for years. I still have to finish up the manga thoughᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ Yes, yes, I am a bit slow when it comes to mangas) But I think most of you are pretty acquainted with this. How I know? Well....when this happens. 

One last thing I need to mention - the art for Pandora Hearts is extremely beautiful and you will find yourself staring at a single page for more than a few seconds just to take in all the details. That’s it. 

CONCLUSIONS

That’s pretty much what I’ve been able to gather over the last couple of months. I hope the recommendations are helpful in some way. Even if it’s not, it’s fun to write about for a bit. I definitely know there’s more series to recommend and would love to hear if there are suggestions. I’ve heard about Demon Slayer being one of them but haven’t started on it yet. Anyways....

Happy watching and reading!