#also i DID have to look desperately at my oc page to find one who doesn't have freckles that i also don't make often

[krysmcscience]

At long last: either an alternate explanation for or continuation of my prior comic regarding how Bill was ABSOLUTELY naked in Ford's karaoke night drawing. (Because errors in art do not exist. Artists do not make mistakes. So if you see any in this comic, No You Do Not.)

I am so normal about these old dorks.

I'm not really clear on exactly when Bill started throwing his desperation book at Ford just like a needy ex do, but I find it extremely funny to imagine it happening literally the day of or after the makeshift funeral. Bill just gets this weird sense of 'Ford is taking steps to move on' and CANNOT FUCKING ABIDE.

I hope you enjoy all the goofy things I added to each page of Bill's sad spieling. (Everything SHOULD be readable so long as you view the full size, but I have added basically this whole little fanfic in the image descriptions, LMAO, which lays out all the little written notes and such.) Also don't ask how Bill managed to sneak that vampire pen in there. I have no idea, and honestly? I don't wanna know.

Oh, and a little bonus comic:

Of course Bill would take it as flirting. Because between the two of them, Bill is the bigger masochist By Far. :)

Also I have continued applying The Good Place logic to any of Bill's attempts to swear. Case in point, one last bonus image, this time with a motivational line from my slapdash Theraprism OC, EV-01:

Yes, its name is just 'love' backwards. No, I will not be taking any feedback on this. Yes, EV-01 was only ever assigned to Bill's case due to the Theraprism being desperate to make some progress in rehabilitating him. No, it did not work anywhere close to staff's expectations - Bill didn't even appreciate EV-01's matching fondness for bowties! (He claimed the fondness to be "cultural appropriation" and insisted he'd been traumatized by it.)

Anyway, if you like my stuff, reblogs are very much appreciated, and if you really really like it, perhaps consider my commissions or yeeting a teeny tiny tip my way? I am trying to recoup over 500 dollars in vet bills, ahaha... 🙃

In other news, I loved all the fun tags people added to the prior naked-karaoke comic (such as 'the hat and bow-tie stay ON during sex' and the classic '[insert keysmash here]', as well as the many amused/bewildered remarks about how I either made the bricks a piece of clothing or just straight up peeled Bill's skin off). However, I think my favorite thing by far was the several people losing their shit over the fact that I gave Bill toes. Like, excuse me? The magical talking triangle can have fingers but not toes??? Since when was that a rule????? 🤣 (Also the one person who reblogged with the cropped panel where Bill's fishnets pants are falling off to ask why Bill peed himself. Dude, I want to examine your brain...?)

Okie-dokie, I'm sick of looking at all of this stuff now and I'm off to go to work, after which I will either scribble some more goofy "Billford" comics or perhaps draw my lame human!Bill in Situations, idk yet. Maybe I'll even finally draw more than just a single other person's human!Bill...? Who knows, but I sure hope I can mix it up a little and not turn whatever I draw into a month-long fukken project. >:\

[1waveshortofashipwreck]

Should've Been Born Later, Nix - Chapter 7: The Boys Back Home

Easy Company x Fem!OCs

Chap. Synopsis: What will happen when some of Easy Company's most valuable soldiers disappear?

Words: 2,135

Find the fic's navigation page here !!

Have a question/want to be on the taglist? Let me know !!

Author's note: Hey everyone! Apologies for the delay with the chapter lol 🫠 This chapter is the point of view of the men in Bastogne!! Also, because this is my fanfiction and I can do whatever I want, there will be some soldiers who somehow survived their demise in previous episodes (Miller? Dukeman? PERHAPS) Anywho, thank you as always for reading and be on the lookout for Chapter 8! 🥰

"Luz!" Carwood cried over the last shell to drop. He watched the radioman dive into the foxhole - George met the same fate as the nine others who dropped into that hole, none of them came out. Lipton was astonished. At most, a foxhole could fit three of the men comfortably, perhaps four if needed. But ten men in one? Lipton should have seen a dog pile of olive drab stretching above the opening. Instead, he saw an empty hole in the ground. The First Sergeant blinked and rubbed his eyes, making sure what he saw was indeed reality. The foxhole stayed empty when he opened his eyes.

Lipton sprinted from where he was taking cover, desperately searching for Lieutenant Dike. He knew that Dike was the least preferable choice, especially in a situation like this, but the officers Lipton would have preferred to ask for help had disappeared. After an agonizing search mission, Lipton finally found the Lieutenant - Dike was absentmindedly strolling along, looking at the trees around him with a glassy, thousand-yard stare. “Lieutenant Dike!” Lipton called out, scrambling over tree roots and broken branches. Dike snapped back to reality, his posture automatically improving when he saw First Sergeant Lipton.

“What is it, First Sergeant?” Dike asked, trying to be authoritative. The yawn that followed his words worked against him. Carwood began to speak, but his words were caught in his throat… how in the world was he going to tell the lieutenant what just happened?

“Sir… we um…” Lipton tried to force the words out of his mouth.

“Spit it out, First Sergeant Lipton!” Dike ordered, irritation evident in his voice. Lipton paused, taking a breath before responding to the officer.

“Sir… several men are gone…”

“First Sergeant, this is war, we're going to have casualties every day.”

“Not like that sir, I mean… they've disappeared…”

Dike stared blankly at the NCO, wondering if he heard him right.

“Where did they go, Carwood?” Hearing Dike use his first name gave Lipton a feeling he could only describe as ick, but nevertheless, he continued.

“Sir, I saw ten men go into a foxhole, but when I reached them, the foxhole was empty.”

“And you’re sure you went to the right foxhole?” Lipton had to pause and take a breath before answering.

“Yes, sir.” In a flurry of urgency that Lipton had never seen from Dike before, the lieutenant had rounded up Compton, Peacock, Shames, Foley, and Welsh, as well as radioed to Colonel Sink. Lipton hastily repeated his experience to the officers, who were just as hesitant to believe Lipton as Dike was. 

“So they’re just… gone?” Harry asked, still skeptical.

“I wish I had more information for you sir, but all I saw was the men go into the foxhole and not come out,” Carwood replied, defeat evident in his voice.

“Shit…” Welsh muttered under his breath. The Irishman stared at the ground in front of him, wondering how he let two of his closest friends just disappear.

“So who all are we missing?” Buck interjected. He stood with his arms crossed, instinctively taking command of the conversation.

“Captains Winters and Nixon, Lieutenant Speirs, and then Roe, Luz, Liebgott, Guarnere, Toye, Malarkey, and Randleman,” the NCO listed off the men he saw disappear, and prayed he would see again.

What Lipton did not see was Skip Muck quickly scrambling back to his foxhole. He had originally made his way to CP to ask Captain Winters a question, but when he overheard the discussion between Lipton and the officers, panic consumed the soldier’s thoughts. Muck all but fell into Penkala’s foxhole, unaware that he inadvertently elbowed his best friend in the face.

“HEY! What the fuck!?” Penkala yelped in surprise, his hands shooting to his cheek.

“Keep it down, Penk! I gotta tell you something,” Muck hushed the soldier, looking to make sure no one else was around. “I just heard Lipton telling Buck that we lost a bunch of men.”

“Like, to a sniper?”

“No, like they fucking disappeared.” Alex rolled his eyes, figuring Skip was just up to his usual mischief.

“Yeah, and I’m marrying Rita Hayworth.”

“Penk, I’m serious. Winters, Nixon, and a few others are gone and they have no fucking idea where they went.”

“Wait, what’d you say?” Muck and Penkala looked up to see that Shifty Powers had joined them in their foxhole. The rifleman looked at his two friends with shock and concern - how could the soldiers just disappear, especially vital officers like Winters and Nixon?

“He said we’re missing half the fucking company!” Penkala’s voice raised again, becoming more distressed by the minute.

“I said keep it down, you ass-hat!” Skip punctuated his interjection with a sharp whack to the back of Penkala’s head. “Look, we all know Dike isn’t gonna do shit. When Colonel Sink gets here, we need to back Lipton up and make sure Sink knows what’s happening.”

“I can go round up some of the other NCOs and tell them,” Shifty offered, gathering up his rifle to go find the rest of Easy Company’s leaders.

“Alright, we’ll come find you once Sink gets here,” Penkala replied before Shifty set off on his solo mission. Before long, the Virginian had gathered up Alley, Christianson, Grant, Martin, McClung, Perconte, Sisk, Talbert, Popeye, and Smokey Gordon. Of course, the trio of Hashey, Garcia, and Miller wanted to tag along as well - even if they did not have a leadership role, they wanted to help their company however they could.

“I really hope Bull’s okay…” Hashey muttered to no one in particular, crossing his arms to conserve the little warmth he had. “First he went missing in Holland, now we lose him in Bastogne…”

“Yeah, we need to keep a leash on him or something!” Miller snickered to his friends before Babe Heffron bumbled up to the group. The redhead resembled a baby horse learning to gallop as he jumped and weaved past tree roots and foxholes making his way to the group of soldiers.

“The fuck is this I hear about Gaurnere missing!?” Babe’s respirations were loud and labored as he attempted to catch his breath. Before anyone could respond, Lipton came across the group of soldiers all congregated near CP.

“Hey fellas, everyone doing all right?” Carwood asked nervously - he loved his men, but he knew they were up to no good if too many were in one place without a good reason.

“We heard about the men going missing,” Smokey replied, Mississippi accent thick in his words.

“We want to help, Lip, however we can,” Floyd Talbert added. He nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other, Smokey glancing a look of concern at his best friend. 

Lipton was about to express his gratitude to his company before Colonel Sink’s Jeep was seen pulling up beside the rest of the group. Lipton quickly went to grab the company’s officers as Sink nodded in thanks to his driver and stepped out of the car. With a loud, abrupt command to “Ten-Hut!” from Buck Compton, the gathered men snapped to attention and saluted the colonel, who offered a gentle salute in return.

“At ease men,” Sink instructed before turning to the officers, “I knew it was bad when I was getting a call from Dike.”

Lipton and Welsh needed to bite their cheeks to hide their amused smiles. “We’re not sure what to do, sir, or if anything can be done…” Buck replied to the colonel before taking a step back - the blonde gestured for Lipton to step up, an instruction to inform Sink of their predicament.

“Carwood, tell me exactly what you saw.” The rest of the gathered men leaned in as Sink spoke, anxious to understand what was happening.

“Ten men went into a foxhole while we were getting shelled, sir, but the foxhole was completely empty when I went to check on them afterward. There was absolutely no trace of anyone being in that foxhole, sir, and now we can’t find any of the men I saw go in.”

The older man nodded in understanding, silently processing Lipton’s words. “Who all went in?” The NCO repeated the names from earlier, ending with Captains Winters and Nixon. Sink simply looked down at the snow. “And you have no idea where the hell any of them went…”

“No sir,” Lipton replied quietly.

The colonel simply let out a sigh and shook his head, “I’m sorry boys, but since it was during a shelling and they were last seen going into a foxhole, the higher-ups probably aren’t going to authorize a search party,” he sent a determined look to the men, “I’m going to do everything I can to push the request through, but I better not hear of anyone taking matters into their own hands.” Before getting back into his Jeep, Sink turned to Lieutenant Dike, or rather, where Dike should have been. “And where the hell is Dike?”

“We don’t know, sir, we looked for him before you arrived but didn’t find him,” Welsh chimed in. Sink rubbed his forehead in irritation before turning to Buck and Welsh.

“All right, I’m making this an official order. Lieutenant Compton, if Dike isn’t to be found and a decision needs to be made, your company comes to you. Harry, you’re second in command. You kids do what you think is right. You’re good soldiers with smart heads on your shoulders.” Sink nodded to the officers and saluted the men before getting back in his Jeep and driving back to Regimental HQ - the poor man put his head in his hands, his most trusted officers were gone without a trace, and there was virtually nothing he could do to help them.

As if on cue, Dike returned to the company, “What are we all standing around for? We have a line to protect!” Dike crescendoed his voice to try and be more authoritative, but his efforts fell flat. Eyes rolled and voices groaned as the gathered men all dispersed and returned to their assigned duties - well, all except for Babe, Talbert, Smokey, McClung, Shifty, Alley, Grant, and Popeye. As everyone was trying to leave, Smokey grabbed the sleeve of whoever he could.

“Y’all, this isn’t right, we need to do something,” the machine gunner pleaded in a hushed tone.

“You heard Sink, though, there’s no way they’re gonna authorize a search party,” Moe replied, his brows furrowed in confusion.

Popeye took a beat before he chimed in, “...why do we need to wait for authorization?”

“Because only a general can authorize a search party,” Talbert answered the Virginian - while he did not agree with the policy at all, he knew that there was no getting around it.

“But didn’t Sink say that he left Buck and Welsh in charge if Dike isn’t around? They’re not the type to snitch,” Grant offered to the conversation, scrunching his shoulders up for warmth like a turtle retreating into its shell.

“Hell, they might be happy to help out,” Gordon affirmed the NCO. The men looked around at each other with uncertainty - what if Dike found out? Or Peacock? To be honest, it was probably worse for the latter officer to discover the plot. Thomas Peacock tries his best to be a good captain, but these efforts cause him to be rather heavy-handed with the rules. If Peacock were to hear of the plot to find the missing soldiers, he would surely either tell his superior officers or try to stop the soldiers himself.

“What if we get caught?” Shifty asked nervously - while he wanted to help his friends, the poor boy was nervous to hatch a plot like this.

“We can’t just do nothin’! We all know they’d do the same if it were any of us out there!” The man from Philly interjected, earning Babe a smack on the head from Grant.

“Where would we even start?” McClung asked the group.

“Well, best thing to do would be to investigate the foxhole and see if there are any clues,” everyone turned in shock to see Lipton returning to them. “I needed something from CP, and then I noticed all of you still over here, I figured you were up to no good,” the first sergeant said with a smile, earning him a loving slap on the back from Grant and Johnny Martin. The rest of the afternoon was about to be spent brainstorming, at least until one of the men needed to take their turn watching the line.

All of the men felt nervous, but especially Babe. Guarnere is his best friend, it would be one thing if Babe knew that he was wounded, even killed, but not knowing what happened to Bill was eating away at Babe worse than anything he had ever felt before.

~~~~~

Chapter 6 | Chapter 8 (coming soon!)

Taglist: @b00ks1ut , @blueberry-ovaries , @bucky32557038ww2 , @claudycod , @dontirrigateme , @easycompany123 , @emilee1421 , @executethyself35 , @hanniewinnix , @ithinkabouttzu , @jump-wings , @panzershrike-pretz , @stolen94 , @themysciraprincess , @xxluckystrike

Thank you so much as always for reading and stay tuned for Chapter 8! 😁

[jokerfic]

Not you popping out of nowhere a year later with a new fic in a fandom I'm going to have to learn about so that I can read it

the way I'm literally so sorry it's not Dark Knight Joker (I've been putting in work on that fic too this year, I promise! it's sitting at 70 pages and if this frenzy of productivity lasts I hope to turn it towards that next, Ledger Joker is somehow always easier for me to write in the winter) but the heart wants what it wants when it wants it, and Jerome Valeska, who is a bigger flirt and a better boyfriend to an OC (somehow, despite the… atrocities) than TDK Joker is what this heart wants right now.

but since I've got you can I give you (and anyone else out of the know) my elevator pitch on Fox's Gotham right quick? There'll be some spoilers but only the kind of spoilers I think you need to hear to decide whether or not you want to watch this show, I prommy. THANKS

ok SO do you ever find yourself wondering when comic book properties got so BORING? do you ask yourself where all the color went? do you find yourself nodding along when your buddy complains that if comic book show writing is gonna be so shitty, it might as well also be fun? look no further than seasons 2-5 of Gotham I promise you will not regret watching seasons 2-5 of Gotham

(season 1 was when they were committed to trying to run it like a straight prequel where Batman and his entire Rogues gallery wouldn't exist for another 20 years, and they also thought they were making a gritty detective show about the GCPD, although nobody was allowed to say fuck and everyone both outside of canon and in it knew that the best place to "detect" criminals in Gotham was inside the GCPD itself, but fortunately they gave that up after one season and switched over to just doing a kidfic version of Batman with a slightly-younger-but-still-weirdly-adult-given-that-they're-beefing-with-a-12-year-old Rogues Gallery)

Gotham, once it hits its stride in season 2, thinks it's a comic book movie from the 90s. Gotham thinks it's a comic book run from the 90s, period. I think almost every major character dies and comes back to life at least once. It's in the same nebulous simultaneously modern and steampunky-old-fashioned time period as A Series of Unfortunate Events and they lean harder into the design with every season that passes. Nobody has any common sense and NOBODY talks like a person. Gotham features the wettest, cuntiest version of Oswald Cobblepot I've ever seen and at one point he gets fake haunted (? it's been a while, I'm not clear on that point anymore).

(They do introduce Jerome in Season 1, though, so you might have to watch the first season after all. sorry.)

At some point they cast Cameron Monaghan as a character they named Jerome Valeska and they're like "Okay, Cam. You are playing a PROTO-JOKER. The real actual Joker isn't around yet and besides we don't have the rights to him, so be subtle, right? Play it cool. Just tasteful hints."

And Cam went "10-4, heard you loud and clear, dw about a thing" and then proceded to blast everyone's nips off when he did what every actor to play the Joker after Heath Ledger has been desperate to do and THEN some-- not only did he play the spiritual successor to Ledger's Joker, but he played the spiritual successor to Nicholson's Joker, he played the spiritual successor to Hamill's Joker, he did his own thing, the shifting nature of the role meant he was able to be like 6 different Jokers at once and every single one of them fucks. Like, I legitimately 100% believe his performance on this not-quite-CW-Batman TV show made a big enough splash that it played a part in the DC execs looking at Jared Leto's Machine Gun Kelly-meets-Spirit Halloween Mallrat Joker cosplay and going "…I think I've had enough of this guy," thank God.

Obviously Jerome is TO ME the heir to the Joker throne with no contest at all, not even a little bit, and besides him, the show is a blast and feels like what Batman felt like to me as a little kid-- like the 90s movies, like the animated series. Is it GOOD? I'm obviously too emotionally compromised to give you a solid answer. I suspect not, but if you're like me (and if you like my writing, then I think you probably are), you don't need good as much as fun and interesting, and Gotham is definitely that. It's streaming on Max, but if for SOME incomprehensible reason you don't want to watch one literal hundred 40-minute episodes of Riverdale-but-make-it-Batman, I am 100% amenable to uploading the 13 episodes that feature Jerome onto my google drive and posting the links here for anyone who wants them lmao. (If it's not obvious, it's the sort of show where you don't really have to watch everything to figure out what's going on-- it's a soap opera, you'll get the gist.)

ok that wasn't so much an elevator pitch as it was a stuck-on-the-bus-with-a-guy-who-won't-stop-trying-to-get-you-to-join-his-cult pitch but give it some thought anyway, ok? ok. love you bye

[therotatingvillain]

Funny things in Baby Steps, my unfinished Pokevillain fanfic

Alright, after spending too long in a severe depression hole and also spending like way too much time at work, here I am again!

This is gonna be my first update on the Pokevillain fanfiction that my last post was about. What I’m doing is reading through those 43 pages and just get a base understanding of what the fuck I was even doing.

To have all of you be part of this, you’ll get my live thoughts about it! So be ready for some shitposting and a few sneak peeks at the story haha

Cyrus insisting on just being called ‘Cyrus’ because ‘Mr. Akagi’ reminds him of his father is such a mood. Also, yeah, I use their japanese names as their last names, except Guzma, because Guzmas japanese name is Guzma lol So for him I just used his german name ‘Bromley’. Such an ass name

Having stayed in a hospital for the first time not too long ago, 2020 me was surprisingly accurate when it came to hospital food

“What do you think? Aren’t you supposed to be incredibly smart?” She kept smiling, but Cyrus knew it was fake. It had been ever since she entered. It was the same smile his mother always had when talking to guests or clients. God I hate Cyrus nurse, I made her such a bitch lmao

Forgot I made Cyrus lactose intolerant lol

That smile made Cyrus want to go back into the distortion world No comment needed

‘New Guy’ seemed like a major downgrade from ‘God of a new dimension’ but for now, having terribly failed the latter one, the first one was acceptable. 2020 me had banger humor

Guzma looking at Cyrus and just going “You’re my friend now” is how I make all of my friends

Ah yeah, Giovanni is there because of another failed attempt, except for Guzma the rest is there because of court mandation and Guzma is there because Nanu got him a spot.

almost like touching a Rotom that couldn’t quite control its energy. Foreshadowing? Maybe

Guzma immediately having Cyrus back even when Cyrus is clearly in the wrong is so funny to me

Aaaaaaaah gays bonding over piano music

Ah yes, Maxie and Archie are divorced husbands. Yes, they still love each other, yes, Maxie still actively wears his wedding ring while Archie always has it on him somehow

“Hey fuckers, time for lunch!” Mood Guz

Lysandre desperately trying to socialise with his roommate only to routinely be fucked over by his own shitty mental health and eating disorder is too real man

Dr. Roberts is such a kind soul, he’s the therapist OC I created specifically for this story and he’s just a sweetie who’s fantastic at his job and also, obviously, gay and married with a couple kids.

Cyrus went to college (duh) and majored in: Electrical Engineering, Economics, Computer Engineering, Political Science and Computer Science. And finished all his majors in 4 years. Yikes dude, my boy just wanted to study the stars but he was denied by his bullshit parents

Ah yes, Cyrus sister. Buckle in people, time for a bit of lore:

So we all remember the Old Chateau in Eterna Forrest back in gen 4, right? Right. For a long time there was a theory that perhaps Cyrus grew up in that house. How did we come to that conclusion? Basically, Cyrus in Platinum (and the USUM Rainbow Rocket episode) has a severe obsession with the Pokemon Rotom, supplying Charon with detailed notes and diaries all about it and in the Rainbow Rocket episode, he nearly has a breakdown upon seeing the Rotom dex. Now where do you find Rotom in Gen 4? Hiding in a TV in the Old Chateau. So, we theorized that Cyrus grew up there. What else do we find in the Old Chateau? The spirits of a butler and a small girl. So, the theory goes that Cyrus used to have a little sister, but she and a butler of the family were killed in an accident, probably involving the Rotom Cyrus kept, most likely hidden from his parents. Afterwards, his family moved to Sunyshore, leaving the Chateau, where Rotom was still hiding, possibly having come back in search of it’s friend (Cyrus) and then hiding in the TV because it was scared as it was alone, Cyrus nowhere to be found, and sought comfort in the electrical appliance. That’s how the theory goes. This theory is true in my story.

Maxie and Archie being extremely angry bordering on violent with each other makes me sad. And I wrote this shit!

The fact that Cyrus, on his first day there, immediately has a panic attack in the evening is relatable.

Also, Giovanni helps him through it and they start bonding and being cute hehe

For every scene involving stargazing, be aware that I have zero idea about stars. I grew up in the middle of fuck nowhere, so I can see them very clearly each night, but I still have little to no idea about how to read stars lol

Lysandre has anorexia and Cyrus is way too oblivious to understand that it’s ana so he’s just constantly like “wow youre thin” until it clicks lmao

Saturn, Jupiter, Mars and Charon are just codenames and Cyrus never bothered to learn their actual names. Is this also foreshadowing? Maybe hehe

YES CYRUS STAND YOUR GROUND TO THAT PISS POOR EXCUSE OF A NURSE i hate her so much man

Cyrus is a deeply kind person. I will not elaborate yet

Yes, Maxie and Archie get over their shit and back together

Yes, it spirals Giovanni into another suicide attempt

No, I shall not elaborate how one leads to the other

But yeah, there’s a pretty intense part of this that deals with Giovannis shitty mental state and his active suicide attempt (that only barely failed) and Cyrus ends up having a severe breakdown because of it. Like I said in my last post, this story deals with some heavy topics.

Guz and Ly really take on the roles of dads to Cyrus, to help him be more open in his expression and just be who he is and I think that’s beautiful

His breath was caught in his throat, his chest and stomach spreading a comfortable warmth through his body.

What was this? A heart attack? 

No, those felt different. There was no stabbing pain. I love writing Cyrus

THERAPY POKEMON EVERYONE yes the leaders are getting therapy Pokemon

Here’s a list of who they get:

Giovanni: His Persian

Maxie: Toxel

Archie: Hypno

Cyrus: His Rotom

Ghetsis: Castform

Lysandre: Levanny

Guzma: His Golisopod

I’d love for yall to theorize on why each leader gets their respective Pokemon! I actually put some thought in all of them haha

Cyrus grandfather has a big role in Cyrus’ recovery, and it starts with a simple visit that is still one of my favorite parts of this story so far

Cyrus grandfather (Paul Akagi) is the polar opposite to his parents, Paul is kind, loving, supportive and really just wants Cyrus to be happy and their relationship???? it warms my heart

A big part of connection for all of the leaders, specifically everyone else and Ghetsis, is a broken piano in the common room that they all work together to fix and that piano really is a symbol for Cyrus’ recovery and especially his willingness to get better.

GUZMA IS TRANS and this is a fact because I am trans and I said so. Also Ghetsis is a bigot. End of sentence lol

Ghetsis saying some transphobic shit and Guzma then going to PULL HIS NON PARALYZED ARM OUT OF ITS SOCKET is such a girly pop move

Also yes everything I’ve written so far ends on Maxie and Archie remarrying and Dr. Roberts allowing everyone to drink alcohol in celebration and yes of course it escalates lol

Alright everyone, that’s it for now, I’m all caught up, hopefully I’ll get some time to actually write a bit more the next few days. 

As always, please please please interact with this, tell me your thoughts so far, ask questions, I NEED IT okay cool thank you.

I have work tomorrow so I shall go and kill myself lol

Have a great whenever you are! Stay hydrated

Love all of you.

[amberjazmyn]

you look(ed) happier 💔🫶

pairing : carlos sainz jr x fem!reader & male oc x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of ed sheeran's "happier" we find out the love story/breakup/re-get-together of carlos sainz jr and valencia perez

warnings :  kinda sad, mentions/actions of domestic relationship abuse (not by carlos), but it does get better, single x carlos, may mention carlos' current girlfriend but she is not with carlos in this fic and some dodgy spanish google translations

a/n : because i still don't have any original ideas, i'm going back to one of my old one-shots that i've done a couple of times before. 

walking down 29th and park, i saw you in another's arms.

carlos sainz jr couldn't help but feel his heart slightly sinking low into his chest as he noticed his now ex-girlfriend from back home in spain, valencia perez, in singapore for the grand prix in another man's arms as carlos went into the paddock, slightly out of the mclaren garage for some fresh air just before the race was going to start. the worst part of this whole thing for carlos, now that his ex had left him, was that she seemed to be following the rest of the formula one season but not just that, she was doing it with her apparent new boyfriend. this meant that it wasn't just valencia coming to watch the races around the different countries, her new boyfriend was also going to be there and was going to have to be introduced to carlos since he and valencia were still close friends, not having the heart or the hate in them to drop contact with each other. carlos never hated valencia after the two of them broke up, no way, he couldn't ever hate his childhood best friend, he was honestly grateful that valencia had still travelled all this way to support him during each grand prix even though she was no longer with carlos. except, the thing that threw him off was the fact he had never imagined or prepared himself to see her do that with another guy.

only a month we've been apart, you look happier.

the thing though, that hurt carlos over anything else was that this new boyfriend made valencia look so much happier, happier than she ever seemed to be when she was with carlos. lando, carlos' teammate from mclaren and closest friend had suddenly noticed why carlos was looking off into the distance, the englishman trying to get the spaniard to come back into the garage - the spaniard whacking lando's hand away, carlos couldn't help but notice something else that he so desperately missed about valencia - her laugh.

once again, carlos' heart almost closed in on his chest as he watched and heard her laugh. he didn't know what to do, i mean, who would know what to do in this situation? lando certainly didn't know, he felt inexplicably guilty and devastated for his best friend. lando was still dating his girlfriend lusia whereas, carlos had his heart broken because unfortunately, valencia and carlos broke up for reasons that, at the time, seemed appropriate and it seemed like the both of them were on the same page at the time. and, all of a sudden, lando watched as his best friend was devastated over the thought of seeing his ex and his best friend cosying up to another man only after what seemed to be a month after carlos and she had broken up.

saw you walk inside a bar, he said something to make you laugh.

there was still an hour before the actual race so, carlos watched as valencia and her new beau strolled over to an open bar in the paddock but, not before the guy made a truly horrendous joke. a joke that carlos knew that if he had said it, valencia would have given him a disappointed face as though she was the embarrassed kid of carlos. but because it was this new man that had said it, it had made valencia laugh out loud. so loud that carlos and lando heard it from across the garage and so did everyone else that was walking past them and everyone else on carlos and lando's side of the garage and paddock. both of them, carlos and lando, saw how happy valencia was and it truly devastated both of them, their shoulders sinking to their regular positions as carlos tried to look away.

"...val, i have a joke for you..." the still unidentified new beau of valencia's asked, valencia smiled, nodding her head as the man continued

"...what would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the rear end?" he asked, his voice already cracking with laughter and he hadn't even finished the joke - carlos almost puking because he hated how close the guy was to valencia

"i dunno, what do you get?" valencia sort of laughed, not like an excited or happy laugh but, the laugh carlos would usually hear when he'd try to tell her a joke so, for a second, carlos did have hope that she wouldn't laugh at the guys joke but, that was until he said the punchline of the joke

"you get a megasoreass!" and just as carlos and lando (shockingly) didn't laugh at the joke, they hoped and prayed valencia wouldn't laugh but, she did, she laughed at the utterly horrendous joke that her date had made

and she laughed wholeheartedly, with her whole body, her head flying backward as her hand rested on the man's chest and her head then moved to lean on it so she could control herself.

"oh, that was a kicker! that was actually really funny!" valencia's voice went high-pitched as her voice broke and her spanish accent came out stronger from her laughing fit, wiping away a tear from her eye as the two then walked into the bar

and it was at that moment that carlos knew he really couldn't stand watching those two anymore, even though he still absolutely adored valencia, he knew it wouldn't do him any good if he continued to focus on her when it was clear she had moved on completely whilst he still was hung up on her.

i saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours yeah, you look happier, you do.

it wasn't rocket science for anyone to see that carlos knew that valencia's smile was twice as wide as the ones she smiled when she was with carlos and it made him feel sick to his stomach. it hurt the spaniard terribly to know that possibly, this new boyfriend of valencia's was everything that carlos wasn't and that he couldn't make her happier as this new man did in comparison. carlos' heart felt like it was being crushed and this pain wasn't just a metaphorical pain, oh no, it was such a physical pain that carlos' face started to scrunch up in pain as he would wince occasionally.

thankfully, it didn't take lando that long to convince carlos that they needed to return back to the garage and away from the doors of the open paddock so that carlos wasn't putting himself through more pain, especially due to the fun that they would be having during their race that was still to occur in the next hour. however, carlos couldn't help but wait until valencia and this new boyfriend had gone further away into the bar before he moved so that he could have one last look at her before the slight possibility of him catching eyes with her tonight during the showcase.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody love you like i do.

despite the slight privacy that carlos and valencia both had about their lives, not really the type to overshare whilst being in the public eye of the formula one fans and the fans of high-end models since valencia was a well-known model, it had become gossip basically the moment that the slight possibility that carlos and valencia had broken up being true was announced. and then, their breakup was announced and like the rumours, it was on the front page of nearly every single gossip site involved with f1 and all the vogue magazines and sites online that carlos and valencia had broken up and that it was "messy" and that there was apparently a cheating scandal involved or something completely dramatic. however, that was the furthest from the actual reality of what actually went down and the reason why the famous couple broke up. they decided, carlos and valencia, because it had gotten so bad that they were going to put out a statement explaining the full truth as to why they were breaking up. deciding a video interview was the best point of call since a written interview can mean words being twisted and misinterpreted to make one person sound better or worse than the other. so, with carlos' manager and valencia's representative, the ex-couple sat down together for their interview in hopes to clear the air about why they decided to break up. 

they hated that everything else that was being spread across the gossip sites and social media was false and decided that it was best for the words to come from the two of them themselves. because, in actuality, the breakup was mutual between the two and it was made clear from the very beginning that if they were going to find someone new, it was okay and that the two of them would and are always the best of friends, no matter what. they both meant the world to each other and there was no way they could remove the other from their life. to them, what they said in their own words was that they were each other's right person but it was the wrong time and, it broke carlos and valencia's hearts to break up with each other despite how mutual it was because of how much they loved and still love each other. the only reason why valencia and carlos broke up was that it seemed like it was the case of they were the right person for each other but, it wasn't the right time and that was why it was so painful for the both of them.

"...hey, carlos, you know that it wasn't either you or valencia's fault as to the reason why you two broke up?" lando spoke softly as he watched, keeping an eye on his still heartbroken friend sulk over watching his ex who was still his best friend, who he still loved dearly, look way happier with the new guy than she ever did with him

"i...i know lando, it just, hurts seeing her look so much happier with someone else..." carlos sniffled solemnly, resting his hands on his chin as lando rubbed his best friend's back

"...it does hurt, carlos, i know that but, don't forget that, sure val has a new man but, she still loves you so much and only wants the best for you. and i think that's why she's flown all the way over here, to sinagpore from spain, to support her best friends as they...we...try to win the race. of course, though, it is really sucky for me, max, charles, daniel and the other drivers to see she's moved on with someone else but, we all have to just look past that and be glad that she's still here.  trust me, from someone who's with the girl who i was best friends with beforehand, it'll get better and, who knows, maybe one day, she'll realise that this happy with this guy isn't the happy she wants and, she'll find her way back to you..." lando smiled softly, trying to convince carlos who just nods his head in response although, it was still quite difficult to believe his best friend

promise that i will not take it personal, baby if you're moving on with someone new.

carlos promised, basically pinky promised, the day that he and valencia broke up, that he wouldn't take it personally and be that arsehole ex-boyfriend if valencia was to find someone new and move on. he knew that valencia was bound to move on quickly anyway so, he made a promise not to take it personally (as did she) and that just because she's moved on quickly, it doesn't mean that she wasn't grateful or faking any of her feelings towards carlos or acting as though it was nothing. because, honestly, valencia was on cloud nine throughout her whole relationship with carlos, it was just honest to god the timing for the both of them always seemed to get in the way of their schedules as a formula one driver and a model, not their chemistry.

"...if there is anything you two would like to say to the other, what is the one thing you'd tell them? valencia, i'll ask you first...this isn't being filmed by the way so it's not going to be aired..." a formula one reporter asked as valencia smiled softly and nodded her head, holding carlos' hand tight - the two of them relaxed knowing whatever they said next wouldn't be included in the aired interview

"...carlos, me prometes algo?" valencia spoke up small in spanish, feeling lowkey embarrassed that she would be repeating the very same thing she had told him when they originally broke up as carlos lifted his head from the floor and nodded his head carlos, do you promise me something?

the two twenty-somethings had already broken up with each other privately but, now, they were having to explain why they were breaking up in an aired interview that wasn't in their native spanish. thankfully though, this personal moment, like the interviewer already mentioned, wasn't being filmed so therefore it wouldn't be included in the aired interview. and they were thankful for that because it was now getting emotional and both of them were teary-eyed and the interviewer felt awful that he had to be the one interviewing them all because of all the rumours that surrounded their break-up. the reason why they broke up wasn't that they weren't in love with each other anymore or because they were never best friends, that's absolutely wrong. they were breaking up because they were young and they were celebrities who were right for each other but started their relationship at the wrong time. that's all it was, they still love each other but, that was the reason why carlos and valencia had broken up, if breaking up now was the thing that could save their special thing and then find it later on then that's what they were going to do because they didn't want to ruin it by continuing to pursue their relationship during this time.

"siempre, val, qué pasa?" carlos sniffled softly as valencia's hand ghosts over carlos' as the formula one reporter felt sick to his stomach, he hated that he had been picked to do this but, he couldn't run now, he had to stay considering the interview wasn't technically finished even though the camera had been turned off always, val, what is it?

"prométeme que si sigo adelante con alguien nuevo no lo tomarás como algo personal ni me odiarás por ello?" valencia only gulped as she kept her eyes looking at carlos, as he nodded his head promise me that if i do move on with someone new, you won't take it personally and hate me for it?

"sí prometo. te amo demasiado para odiarte," carlos choked out in a whisper, more tears building in his eyes as he breathed in, asking valencia a question yes, i promise. i love you too much to hate you.

"puedes prometerme algo?" carlos whispered back, clearing his throat as valencia nodded her head, her hand touching carlos' as they kept eye contact with each other can you promise me something?

"claro, siempre, qué es?" valencia questioned softly, only wishing she and carlos didn't have to do the interview due to the rumours online that twisted their words and truth just for clicks and likes of course, always, what is it?

"soy...bueno, todavía somos mejores amigos? incluso si puedes salir con alguien más después de mí?" it was this question that broke carlos' heart to say as finally, a tear rolls down his cheek as he closes his eyes, valencia breathing deeply so she wouldn't cry her tears as she wipes carlos' tear away am i...well, are we still best friends? even if you may date someone else after me?

smiling softly with a head nod, valencia responded, "por supuesto, seguiremos siendo mejores amigos, carlitos! i've known you my whole life, i could never throw away our entire relationship and friendship just because we dated the right people but at the wrong time. i couldn't ever remove you from my life, you're way too special to me, i can't do that and i will never do that..." valencia paused, going from spanish to then english as she wiped away more of carlos' silent tears as he nodded his head, understanding valencia which made her feel better of course, we're still gonna be best friends, carlitos!

"...even if i do end up dating someone else and if you end up dating someone else, i am always a phone call away or a short drive away if you ever need anything and, i know if i was in a similar situation, you'd be there waiting for me too," valencia smiled and carlos nodded his head as his lip trembled, another single tear slipping down his cheek as he giggled in embarrassment, wiping it away himself

thankfully, the f1 reporter just had to finalise a couple more things with the two before the interview was to be edited and published. and, hopefully, after that it would only be the truth about carlos and valencia's relationship and breakup which was going to be talked about. 

'cause baby you look happier, you do, my friends told me one day, i'll feel it too.

it still seemed impossible for carlos to get it out of his head that valencia seemed to look happier with her new boyfriend after the break-up and honestly, whilst he was proud of her, it still hurt and was a hard thing to just shake off. it honestly did sort of scare carlos that he thought that he was maybe getting replaced and that maybe, he was actually losing his best friend when it was considered that he still didn't know what this new boyfriend was like in relation to knowing about boy-best friends for his girlfriends.

"oi, carlos, we need to get ready, the mechanics are asking for us so, when we see valencia stay calm, okay?" lando announces to carlos, patting his shoulder as the spaniard nods his head

"yes, lando, i understand, i'm not a five-year-old!" carlos, with a sassy attitude, rolls his eyes as he chuckles, making lando smile at the attitude and eye-roll

"i know, carlos, forgive me but, i just don't want you getting hurt, that's all!" lando suddenly went serious as carlos smiled and pulled his best friend in for a hug

"thanks, muppet, i do appreciate it," carlos smiled into his best friend's shoulder and lando smiled too, exhaling slightly as he pats his best friend on the back

"no worries, buddy. i know how much you and valencia loved and still love each other. it is hard when a couple like you two, that are the right couple, break up due to it being the wrong time," lando smiles softly, the two men pulling out of the hug as they started to hear the commotion of the excitement of the upcoming race from their garage

and until then i'll smile to hide the truth, but i know i was happier with you.

all that was left for carlos to do in regards to getting ready for the race was his jumpsuit, however, it seemed as if from the knock at the door, that wasn't going to be happening just yet. with a small sound of acknowledgement that carlos was fully dressed, the door opened to reveal max with a sly smile on his face. confusing carlos, he smiled confusedly at him because the drivers are typically not allowed in each other's team garages before hearing what his fellow and rival teammate had to tell him. 

"carlos, just to let you know, a special someone has decided to come into the mclaren garage and she's got someone with her..." max smiled in the excitement that two of his best friends were going to reunite but, was not so happy that another man was going to be in that equation

"...valencia has come into mclaren?" carlos questions, his voice suddenly small and timid, exactly opposite to the usual loud, boisterous and confident voice that he always had as max smiled empathetically, nodding his head - only knowing what lando had told him from earlier on

"yes, she has and she's honestly so excited to see you so, can i?" max questioned, his head slightly tilted at the door, asking his former torro rosso teammate for permission and carlos smiled as his fingers found their way to his fireproofs 

max nearly jumped in excitement as he rushed over to open carlos' door to let valencia and her new boyfriend in to visit carlos before rushing out himself after one last hug to his old friend before leaving for his red bull garage. the former boyfriend and girlfriend are now just staring at each other in awe. it had felt like nearly years ago that valencia had seen carlos' garage room within the larger mclaren garage at a grand prix when really it was maybe a couple of months, not even? pretty much as soon as they broke up, valencia's new model contract with vogue spain started which meant that she had to part ways with carlos not just in their relationship but also because she was needed back at her modelling agency, that was until she remembered she had vacation days. and, it was during this model show that valencia and her new boyfriend had met, he had come on as a photographer for the model show and honestly, it still felt strange to her that when she introduced her boyfriend to people, she wasn't saying carlos.

"carlos!" valencia finally opened her mouth, carlos' name falling off her tongue effortlessly as if she never stopped saying it, carlos' face lighting up at seeing his best friend, her new boyfriend giving the best friends a strange look that carlos managed to catch from the corner of his eye

"hola, val! cómo estás? te he extrañado mucho!" carlos spoke excitedly, his native spanish effortless, the excitement of valencia finally visiting again starting to soak into the motorsport race driver as he pulls his best friend in for a hug hey, val! how are you, i've missed you so much!

placing her softly back to the ground, valencia responded also in their native spanish, "estoy fantástico, gracias carlos, cómo has estado? ha pasado como, cuánto, un mes desde la última vez que nos vimos y desde que me fui a mi nuevo trabajo como modelo?" the girl asked with a slight laugh in her breath as carlos nodded his head, a small giggle leaving his mouth as well i'm fantastic thanks carlos, how have you been? it's been like, what, a month since we last saw each other and since i left for my new modelling gig?

"sí... vaya, ha pasado un mes, eso es una locura," carlos spoke with a small whisper as he noticed the way valencia tried to grab her boyfriend but wasn't able to as he had suddenly and quietly left carlos' room without a word of acknowledgement of where it was he had left off to yeah...wow, it has been a month, that's crazy

"...ah y, por... por cierto, ese era mi novio, matteo..." valencia tried to smile but, it was obvious that carlos could see through it but decided against the questions for now oh and, by...by the way, that was my boyfriend, matteo

"...bueno, eso es bueno, val. cuánto tiempo llevan juntos ustedes dos, si no les importa que les pregunte?" carlos spoke softly, with hesitation as valencia tilted her head in confusion - was it three weeks or four weeks as it surely hadn't been a month well, that's nice, val. how...how long have you two been together for, if you don't mind me asking?

"uhh...yo...creo que tres semanas? así que no tanto..." valencia shyly smiles as carlos nodded his head, he felt slightly calm knowing that she hadn't moved on straight away otherwise that really would have broken carlos and wrecked him tenfold more uhh...i...i think three weeks? so, not that long

"...oh, está bien, eso es bueno, val. te trata bien, supongo?" carlos questioned as the two of them moved from the door to the couch that resided in carlos' room within the garage where the two of them used to have sex, sleep on together upon other things when valencia suddenly became nervous oh, okay, that's nice, val. he treats you well i'm assuming?

"uh... bueno, sí, supongo que sí. quiero decir, me hace reír mucho, supongo..." valencia stammered, her voice shaky and sounding unsure which confused carlos as earlier, nothing looked as though it was wrong or out of sorts uh...well, yeah i guess he does. i mean, he makes me laugh a lot, i guess

"...adivina? val...está matteo herido--" you guess? val...is matteo hurt--

"--hey sweetcheeks, who's-oh, you're car...christian? val's friend, right? hello, i'm matteo, her boyfriend," matteo suddenly introduced himself out of nowhere, his brash american accent cutting off carlos and calling him by the complete wrong name

although it annoyed him, carlos still smiled curtly with a head nod, noticing basically straight away how uncomfortable valencia was getting but tried to hide it and spoke in english, "hey matteo, yeah, i'm carlos, valencia's best friend. so anyway, are you excited about the race tonight considering you guys flew all the way over here from spain?" carlos questioned, also getting an uncomfortable feeling from matteo as valencia enthusiastically nodded her head whilst matteo just hits her with a dirty look and rolled his eyes at the correction of carlos' name

"very excited, carlitos, you always drive amazingly during the races and, i just couldn't resist flying to singapore to watch the grand prix, especially since you've done so well recently," valencia gushed as she smiled, making carlos smile as he bit his lip at his best friend's excitement to return to a grand prix after breaking up with one of the drivers only a month ago - showing that there was genuinely no bad blood between the f1 grid and the exes

"aw, thanks valencia, i knew you'd say that, but matteo, are you looking forward to it?" carlos smiles at valencia as he then pointed the same question to matteo who just gave a half-hearted nod

"i mean, this was the grand prix that valencia couldn't stop talking about and it makes her happy seeing the race so, might as well enjoy it for myself as well, right?" matteo lazily shrugs as valencia and carlos awkwardly laugh as he then leaves again, valencia and carlos both letting out breaths they hadn't even realised they'd been holding onto

this made valencia feel embarrassed, matteo had promised her he wouldn't act like this at all and it was obvious that carlos could sense the embarrassment as well. the two of them switching back to their native spanish to continue the conversation. 

 "yo...lo siento mucho por matteo, carlitos, él me prometió que no actuaría así para nada. de hecho, me dijo que estaba muy emocionado de ver el gran premio en vivo, así que no sé qué le pasa, lo siento..." valencia trailed off in a dejected voice, rubbing her arms together, a signal that carlos knew all too well that meant valencia was anxious i...i am so sorry about matteo, carlitos, he promised me he wouldn't act like this at all. he actually said to me that he was super excited to see the grand prix live so, i don't know what's gotten into him, i'm sorry

"...no te preocupes, valencia, está totalmente bien. qué tal si vamos a visitar a lando y a los demás conductores? estoy seguro de que los demás están allí con él y estarán muy emocionados de verte de nuevo. además, creo que matteo está preocupado por la gira que acaba de decidir darse a sí mismo y a otra chica..." carlos spoke as they turned to see matteo talking to a girl that had seemingly found her way out of the actual paddock and into the more closed off part and valencia nods her head in agreement don't worry, valencia, it's totally okay. how about we go visit lando and the other drivers? i'm sure the others are in there with him and they'll be so excited to see you again. besides, i think matteo's gotten himself preoccupied with the tour he's just decided to give to himself and another girl

grabbing her hand, carlos and valencia ran over to lando's corner of the mclaren garage, max, daniel, charles and some mclaren mechanics all just relaxing in the englishman's area before it was time for the race. carlos and valencia had reaced the area and everyone's eyes lit up in excitement as they had come to realise valencia's presence. 

"val!" they all screamed at the same time, the girl laughing as they had a group hug, forcing carlos into the hug as well which he reluctantly joined in with a small chuckle at his best friends/teammates/rivals 

"hey, guys! it's so nice to see you all again! i've missed you so much!" valencia said in excitement even though it had only been a month, the month felt longer as she then couldn't help but think that, maybe, carlos' energy about matteo has some truth to it 

"we've missed you too, val! anyway, where's your new boyfriend?" lando questions, pulling out of the group hug as valencia shrugged her shoulders when out of nowhere, matteo popped out from behind valencia

and, obviously, it scared her instead of making her happy and the f1 guys notice and it worries them. matteo, once again, ignores their reactions and introduces himself to the guys. all of the boys shared a displeased look after matteo seemed to just insert himself into the group after scaring his girlfriend.

"hi guys, i'm matteo, valencia's boyfriend, nice to meet you all," it was clear the smile was fake and he hated this, but at the same token, he was smiling because of the way he was forcefully holding valencia down, fear starting to build in her eyes

"hi, matteo," they all responded, slightly shocking matteo, whose expression doesn't change as everyone then comes forward to shake his hand, though none of them even wanted to associate themselves with the guy

since luisa, lando's girlfriend and the other girlfriends of the racers weren't in the room, the only people that needed to introduce themselves were the other four drivers since matteo and carlos had already met prior.

"i'm daniel,"

"i'm charles,"

"i'm lando,"

"and i'm max," they all introduced themselves and matteo just shook his head, pushing valencia forward out of nowhere as he once again departed the room, on his way to find the girl he was speaking to earlier during their little tour

and, matteo didn't even stop to give his girlfriend a single kiss or not even i love you val and that really made carlos and the other four guys raise their eyebrows.

and it obviously rattled valencia but, she tried to hide it, "umm, anyway...how have you guys all been since it has been a month since i last saw you all?" valencia spoke up with a meek smile, trying to defuse the awkward tension

"we've been great thanks, val. we have the wags with us for this grand prix so, it's not just the lads which has been fun. but, the wags have missed you dearly, and truthfully, so have we so, it's nice to see you again, val. but, what about you, how have you been?" daniel spoke up as valencia laughed, her eyes lighting up hearing that the other wags had travelled with them when she started to play with a strand of hair that carlos then placed behind her ear, making her nervous again as the former couple smiled at each other

"that's so great to hear, danny! i'll make sure to look for them in the crowd. and, i've uh, i've been good thanks, i...uh met matteo around four weeks ago in person but we'd been talking for a week before we met but we started dating three weeks ago so, umm, yeah, still quite new and it's been interesting as matteo is quite the guy but umm, it's fun," valencia really wasn't making her new boyfriend sound amazing just like she could do so easily with carlos, especially considering the relationship was so new but it was maybe for that reason as well that valencia was kind of selling her new boyfriend so short

"okay, okay, not that long but, have you guys said the l word to each other yet?" lando then asked as valencia awkwardly laughed again, her eyeline focused on her shoes for a second - carlos recognising that maybe something wasn't right but, like before, didn't push it further

"well, i...i have said it but, matteo, i think is just waiting for the right moment, ya know? maybe he just isn't ready yet as he did have a bad breakup before meeting me so, yeah..." valencia nodded her head with a smile, hoping to convince herself that she had nothing to worry about as the boys also nodded their heads, with some scepticism about matteo

valencia and the boys continued to catch up with one another for a little bit longer before it was signalled that it was coming up to twenty minutes before the red lights were to go out, meaning that valencia had to find matteo to take the two of them to their vip spot. 

"...it was so lovely catching up with you before the race val, but, we do have to go as we're about to get our twenty minute call but, chat after the race, yeah? remember where we always meet?" carlos asked as valencia nodded her head, her first real big smile covering her face

"ditto, carlos, it was lovely seeing you and the guys again. and, of course, i remember where we always meet, your bloody garage! it hasn't been years carlos!" valencia giggles as the both of them hug and go their separate ways - valencia back over to matteo and the vip box and carlos back over to his garage to finish the last few pieces of his race outfit before getting into the car

carlos couldn't help but remember how happy he was with valencia. valencia made carlos so much happier which was what made it tricky for him to understand how someone like matteo made valencia happier than he did. to carlos and his teammates who had heard, it seemed as if matteo was trouble and it worried them sick. worried them to the point where they thought that he might be an abusive boyfriend or if not now, will eventually get to that point.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody need you like i do.

throughout the entire race, carlos couldn't help but worry about valencia and matteo. valencia mainly since it wasn't like he could keep an eye on them whilst he was racing cause that was physically impossible. but, he was glad that he made the decision to have them seated with his parents, carlos sr and reyes so they could keep an eye on them, matteo mainly. and, his parents agreed straight away. it was clear to them that carlos still needs her. carlos still felt like he had so much more to give to valencia, way more than matteo would be able to. especially considering how matteo just looked like he was bad news when you first make eye contact with the guy.

the race was starting to ramp up now since three different drivers had unfortunately DNF'd and carlos was one of them due to a scary-looking crash that had him plough through gravel and into the barrier. he was fine thank god, as watching the crash from the point of view where the sainz family and valencia and matteo were watching made it look worse than it actually was. thankfully, the only thing carlos came out of the crash with was minimal bruising on his body but also a little bit of a bruised ego. 

so, for the rest of the race, he watched the rest of it from the mclaren garage since he DNF'd with less than ten laps left of the race before it would be finished. after the race was finished and he finished his media duties, he straight away went over to his family who were sat with valencia and matteo. because he knew that they'd worry about him especially after seeing him crash out and get a DNF on a race he had such great qualifying results with. 

valencia could see carlos walk over to her, matteo and the sainz family and she was ready for what was to come next. 

carlos, as he walked over, made eye contact with valencia from her spot in the crowd, squashed up next to his mum, reyes. carlos was exhausted, he was upset that he DNF'd and he just needed to be comforted and the only person other than his parents that could do it was valencia. valencia knew that as well as she waited for carlos to get closer so she could open her arms to him. 

as carlos got closer to the arms of his best friend and family, it looked as though carlos was on the verge of tears if valencia looked closely enough and not just from DNF'ing out of the race. and it broke her heart, she hated the amount of pain she and carlos' breakup had on him. even though it was a mutual breakup, that didn't take away the pain that the both of them felt over it ending. valencia just wished she never gave it up with carlos, even though a part of her did love matteo and was glad she was dating him. 

suddenly, out of complete nowhere, valencia started crying when she and carlos finally fell into the long-awaited hug that felt so slow motion. carlos wished he didn't make valencia cry but, at the same token, he was glad it wasn't him that was crying otherwise, he knew how bad that would have made valencia feel. they then moved out of the hug so carlos could hug his parents and so it wouldn't look like too suspicious to the eagle eyes of the f1 onlookers and matteo. she had then gone to turn around to matteo to ask him for a tissue from her bag that he had offered to hold for her but, when she went to ask, he was nowhere to be seen. 

it freaked her out, not knowing where her boyfriend had gone but thankfully, ana, carlos' younger sister was right there to hand her a tissue that was from valencia's bag, valencia took notice that ana was now keeping her bag safe, not matteo. valencia was now back to thinking about whether or not it was a smart idea to bring matteo and maybe thinking whether or not she really did love him or if he actually loved her. or, if he was like carlos and possibly the rest of the f1 grid and the sainz family thought, was just an abuser and a troublemaker.

i know there's others that deserve you but darling i am still in love with you.

it didn't take rocket science to figure out that during the entire race that carlos knew he was focusing too much on valencia whilst still knowing he was still head over heels in love with her. whilst it was obvious to valencia and his teammates, it was shockingly something that every other f1 fan was just skimming over their heads, just assuming that carlos was just getting really emotional because of his DNF with only ten laps of the race left and that was why he was constantly paying more attention to one specific person rather than the rest of his team in ferrari like he usually would be. even though carlos knew that there were others that deserved valencia as he promised her, he still found it difficult to comprehend that she did move on because at the time they made that promise, they were both unaware of how quickly valencia would move on after the breakup. 

it wasn't until watching the media interviews as valencia watched carlos keep eye contact with her throughout the whole interview that it became clear to her that maybe, falling in love with matteo was dangerous. however, she still desperately tried hard to hide the newfound anxiety that arose in her as matteo then rejoined her, reyes, carlos sr, ana and blanca in the paddock and become suddenly possessive of her throughout the rest of the interview. especially considering carlos and the others in the grid could see her super easily and keep track of what was going on even though they were doing interviews and other things after the race before the podium ceremony 

 ♥︎𓆩♡𓆪♥︎

but i guess you look happier, you do. my friends told me one day i'll feel it too.

the podium ceremony for the singapore grand prix was now over, max, valterri bottas and lewis hamilton the top three on the podium. which meant that everyone was now leaving the circuit when valencia and matteo rushed back into the paddock to get to the mclaren garage, reyes, carlos sr, ana and blanca leaving moments earlier after getting recognised by literally every single security guard to find their way to carlos' area of the mclaren garage. seeing that her best friend's part of the garage was open, valencia saw her chance, running straight over to carlos in hopes to comfort him more after his loss from the unsuccessful race, adrenaline soaring through her bood. however, whilst valencia was rushing over to carlos' part of the garage, matteo was running after her trying to get her attention. 

"...val, can i please...have a second just to speak to you? it's serious and it can't really wait--"

skidding to a halt, valencia turned around to face her boyfriend, her face red as heavy breaths left her mouth, "--oh, sorry matteo but, i promised carlos i'd see him after the race and media interviews. i'll be very quick, i promise, can i please just catch up with him and his teammates and their partners? we can talk later, i promise!" valencia quickly interjected as, to be honest, she was wanting to speak to carlos and his teammates to get away from matteo who rolled his eyes before quickly noticing the security guard and smiled, nodding his head

"oh, darling, of course, you can! go, have fun with your friends, i'll just be over at the bar across the street to get us some drinks before the end of the night, okay? oh, also, tell carlos that i'm sorry about his DNF and everyone else that they did amazing! i love you, princess!" matteo smiled, giving valencia a kiss making her squeal that he finally told her he loved her - okay, maybe he wasn't so bad after all and she ran like a little kid as she and carlos locked eyes

"thanks, matteo! i love youuu!" valencia squeals out as she then runs over and sees carlos outside of his room, the two of them locking eyes

as some music started playing through the speakers of the circut, carlos and valencia ran over to each other in excitement. valencia jumps as carlos catches her and he spins the both of them around in a circle, something they hadn't done since their split.

"hey..." valencia trailed off, her switch to spanish effortless as she giggled as carlos held her tightly, the both of them slipping back into carlos' room, closing the door so no one, especially matteo would suspect the best friends

"...hola," carlos whispered back before in another short breath, whispered again, "sabes, extraño hacer eso contigo." he whispered again, softly placing valencia back on the ground as she giggled softly, lifting her head up, placing a loose strand of hair behind her ear hi. you know i've missed doing that with you?

"yo también... y, oh dios mío, lamento mucho tu abandono, lo has estado haciendo brillantemente, pero me alegro mucho de que estés bien! ese accidente me asustó muchísimo, me hiciste llorar! oh, también, matteo también me dijo que lamentaba tu abandono y que los demás lo hicieron increíble, así que, sí, bien hecho!" valencia consoled before smiling and hesitating when she mentioned matteo, something she had started to realise that she would do anytime in regards to mentioning him since they met and started dating i have as well...and, oh my god, i am so sorry about your DNF, you had been doing brilliantly but i'm so glad you're okay! that crash scared the living hell out of me, you made me cry! oh, also, matteo told me as well that he was sorry about your DNF and that the others did amazing so, um, yeah, well done!

and, all of this hesitation from valencia made carlos suspicious and think that maybe it was because valencia's scared of matteo but was at the same time so blinded by her love and infatuation for him that she finds her hesitation when she's around him or speaking about him to be normal. seeing this and now after being around, this was also now scaring carlos as much as it was potentially scaring valencia.

"oh, gracias valencia! pero, por favor, estoy bien y perdón por asustarte! me alegra que tú y matteo lo disfrutarais de todos modos. lo que me recuerda, dónde está? pensé que estaría contigo..." carlos asked in confusion but nevertheless was still excited that they were finally alone as valencia just smiled - sort of nervous to go back over knowing that she and matteo were going to have a hard chat because of the way she was acting around carlos and the rest of the grid oh, thank you, valencia! but, please, i'm okay and i'm sorry for scaring you! i'm glad you and matteo enjoyed yourselves nevertheless. which reminds me, where is he? i would've thought he would be with you

"...oh, umm, creo que dejó el circuito para ir al bar al otro lado de la calle a traernos algunas bebidas, así que dijo que me permitían venir y pasar un rato con ustedes, chicos." valencia smiled with excitement that she did get to hang out with her best friends oh, umm, i think he left the circut to go to the bar across the street to get us some drinks so, he said i was allowed to come and hang out with you guys for a little bit

"oh, mmm, está bien, genial! let's go back to lando's side as the rest of the drivers are there right now with our families then if matteo's allowed it," saying that made carlos' skin crawl and stomach churn in an undelightful way, in english and spanish - was matteo becoming obsessive of valencia? oh, umm, okay, cool!

"please, let's do that!" valencia spoke in english with what sounded like a hushed-out voice but carlos tried not to think too deeply about it as once again, just like this friends said, one day, carlos would feel the same joy that valencia's found with matteo and that one day soon, carlos is also going to move on

i could smile to hide the truth but i know i was happier with you.

the night of the circut being open was nearly coming towards its end and since meeting up with carlos, lando, max, daniel, charles and the sainz family, matteo had now returned with a couple of alcoholic drinks that he seemed to sneak into the circut with and had now started to become very touchy with valencia in the most uncomfortable way possible. but, just like carlos had been doing the entire time, valencia was smiling to hide away the truth of how she truly felt. obviously, because he was there, matteo had now joined the group and valencia as they were having their catch up and it was very uncomfortable. not just for carlos and the rest of the f1 gri and family but for valencia as well. mainly because matteo was being blunt, rude and possessive but he was also trying to cover it up and justifying it by saying he was just being protective of his girlfriend.

"...so, christian, you dated valencia for a brief period of time, how long was it?" matteo, once again, called carlos by the wrong name as he asked in a rude tone of voice which noticeably scared valencia, she had never seen matteo be so rude but assumed it was due to the alcohol and because he was curious?

fighting the urge to roll his eyes, carlos sighed, "it's carlos and yes, i did, valencia and i dated for three years..." the spaniard corrected the inebriated man as he smiled a small smile, hoping that his feelings were being hidden away and not so obvious

"...hmm...three years? is...is that what i have to beat baby doll?" matteo slurred as he started to nonconsensually kiss valencia's neck as she nervously gulped, trying to grab his face to get him to stop as everyone watched on with anger and worry

"yes matteo, three years and, i won't lie when i say those three years were bloody fucking fantastic. it was just the timing that killed us so it was the right person wrong time so i have no idea, maybe you and i could get to three years or beat it, matteo. however, we are still yet to get to a month so, be patient darling okay, be patient!" valencia spoke with a slight tone in her voice as she smiled, trying her hardest to act all lovey-dovey around him when she was uncomfortable, especially with the few drinks he was influenced by

"mmmkay babyy..." matteo slurred out again as he started to feel his hands around valencia yet again, the girl laughing uncomfortably, trying to hide the very noticeable fear in her eyes and body language even though she was in love with matteo - nonconsensual touching was still not okay if you were dating the person

"i love you, matteo, i really do but, we don't touch me in this way when we're in public, okay? especially in front of my best friend's and their parents! that's for our bedroom, got it?" the girl spoke through gritted teeth again, slapping matteo's hand away as the man started to sober up and he nodded his head

"okay baby, let's leave then, we can catch up with your friends and ex-boyfriend tomorrow! i still have something i need to tell you, remember?" matteo whispered as valencia nodded her head, whispering back to him asking if she could say just one final goodbye to everyone, nodding his head, matteo released his arms from valencia's waist

matteo then made it out of the paddock and out of the circut to wait by the car. valencia smiled again as she went over to carlos and the rest of the group to say her goodbyes. they all smiled as they hugged and chatted a little more. valencia and carlos were finally in front of each other again and valencia just smiled and went on her tippy toes as she pulled him in for a hug.

"thank you for the great night tonight, carlos. i truly think it was good for matteo and me to fly over here and see one of the races and for him to meet you guys. it seems as if he truly and thoroughly enjoyed it which was nice to hear and, yeah, see you again soon and if not soon, whenever it is you and the family return back to spain..." valencia was about to leave when she paused and turned back around, her body to tired to speak in spanish anymore today

"...i...umm, i know how hard it was for you to see me with matteo and the fact that i have moved on but, i'll always and i mean always love you carlos. those three years we were together were truthfully and honestly the best fucking time ever but, i'm with matteo now and, i am glad you and your family are okay with it..." valencia paused again as carlos nodded his head with a small smile on his face, he truthfully was glad she was happy again even though he did have some slight suspicions about the guy

"...okay, i really have to go now but, i love you loads carlos and, i'll see you around singapore if you don't have too quick of a turn around before the next race but, if not soon, i'll see you back home in spain i'm sure..." valencia blabbed out as she smiled and kissed carlos' cheek, his cheeks flushing a bright pink as he smiled back, his hand slightly grazing his cheek as valencia walked away

"...not a problem, valencia, it was nice seeing you too...i love you more..." carlos trailed off as he grazed his cheek that valencia kissed as he sighed - valencia really was in love with matteo, she really was happy with him

baby, you look happier you do, i knew one day you'd fall for someone new.

one month later, it seemed as if valencia and matteo were still dating... that is, what people who read the online articles and believe everything they see on social media thought that is.

vogue españa

MODEL AND EX-GIRLFRIEND OF FORMULA ONE'S CARLOS SAINZ JR SEEN WITH A NEW MYSTERY MAN

INES LORENZO | EDITOR DECEMBER, 2020

spanish model, valencia perez, the ex-girlfriend of formula one driver carlos sainz jr seen out with a mystery man at her older sister's wedding! it seemed like it was only yesterday that an f1 reporter did a video interview with perez and sainz jr to stop rumours about the reason why the power couple broke up. however, nearly two months later, valencia is already seen out with a new beau.

valencia's older sister, model estella perez got married yesterday (read that article here!) and estella's younger sister, valencia was the maid of honour but, it wasn't that that had reporters taken aback. it was the fact that valencia was seen kissing and sitting rather close to another man. and, who is this new man valencia is dating, may you ask? well, take today as your lucky day because we've got all the gossip.

valencia's new boyfriend is american photographer matteo de la costa. de la costa is well known for photographing runways, models, photoshoots and go-sees but, how did he gain the attention of valencia perez? well, it was said the moment that valencia and carlos broke up that perez had to return back to spain for a modelling runway shoot with vogue spain, after she had spent time with carlos and the other formula one drivers for the grand prix. where she walked the runway when she met de la costa who was photographing the shoot and then, it was said from that moment that valencia and matteo fell in love. 

however, we can't lie and say we don't miss seeing valencia and carlos together because we absolutely do. so, in this article, you can read our list of fifteen things we loved about valencia perez and carlos sainz jr's relationship. although we do miss val and carlos, we also do love val and matteo, here is a gallery of photos of the new couple at estella perez's wedding:

gallery 60+ photos: click here

however though, as most people are aware, not everything that you see in the media and online is real and picture-perfect. recently, matteo and valencia were arguing and fighting like crazy. but it wasn't like valencia had done anything wrong, it was just something that had spiralled out of control after matteo started all the arguments. unfortunately, as carlos and the f1 grid, unfortunately, thought and suspected would happen, matteo was now dangerous and abusive. matteo was so abusive that he would punch walls, merely inches from missing valencia's face each time. the doomed couple were in abu dhabi for the final race of the 2020 season, it was carlos' final race with mclaren before he would make his move to ferrari and valencia would have been damned if matteo forced the both of them to watch the grand prix on their tv in her house in spain. so, they were currently in a hotel in abu dhabi the day before the final race and this is what was happening, they were arguing. 

"...matt...matteo, babe, please...please stop! what...what did i do wrong? just...just tell me and i...i can fix it!" valencia squeals out, curling up against the wall and mere inches from where matteo's hand was close to punching her

"stop talking with and seeing that christian guy! it's him that is causing this trouble! DO YOU NOT SEE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT YOU WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER?!" matteo suddenly raises his voice which makes valencia mad - how dare he say shit about carlos when carlos hadn't done anything wrong

"matteo cruz de la costa! his name is carlos and he has done nothing wrong. the two of us have been friends since we were children. yes, he's going to look at me in a certain way because we dated for three bloody years and we're best friends but, it means anything but what you think it means because i'm with you and because i love you...not...not him..." valencia hesitates towards the end as fear surges through her but, it was too late, matteo was mad

"NO VALENCIA, YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU NEVER HAVE AND YOU NEVER WILL! YOU HAVE LOVED CARLOS THIS ENTIRE TIME, YOU TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE YOU'D RATHER BE WITH HIM THAN ME!" matteo screams, throwing another punch at the wall, again merely missing valencia by an inch and valencia smiles at the fact he finally got carlos' name right

"FINE! YOU GOT ME MATTEO! I DO LOVE CARLOS AND I STILL DO, I NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM BECAUSE THE TIMING FOR US WAS NEVER RIGHT AND WAS ALWAYS IN THE WAY. WHICH WAS THE REASON WE BROKE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, NOT BECAUSE WE STOPPED LOVING EACH OTHER! YES, I ADMIT, I TALK ABOUT CARLOS LIKE I'D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH HIM BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY TIME DOING ANYTHING BUT BE SEEN WITH YOU! HE ALWAYS TREATED ME RIGHT WHEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS AND WHEN WE DATED! HE'S THE BEST MAN EVER AND I--"just before valencia could continue or pause to defend herself, matteo went crazy and picked up a glass vase

and, the moment valencia realised that matteo had picked up the glass vase, it was too late. matteo had thrown the glass vase and it had struck valencia in the head, causing her to wobble back, smashing into the wall behind her.

she fell unconscious as she slid from the wall to the ground almost lifelessly, blood pouring from the back of her head. the glass that was on the ground now cutting into her skin, causing even more blood to trickle its way down the unconscious valencia's paling body. matteo didn't even stop to realise what he did wrong and sprinted out of the hotel in abu dhabi just as carlos was walking in for a catch-up between he and valencia that matteo had allowed for the sake of keeping his girlfriend happy - not because he liked carlos.

matteo didn't even react to the fact that he had injured his girlfriend. until he heard the spanish accent that he had so very familiarised from carlos and his eyes widened as the photographer sprinted from the hotel room.

"...matteo? are you alright ma...oh my god, valencia!" carlos jolted back slightly as matteo ran past him, hitting the spaniard on his shoulder with his own, his eyes widening the moment he noticed the scene in front of him

grabbing his phone from his pocket, carlos wasted no second in calling the abu dhabi emergency services for an ambulance and the police, "...no, no, val, valencia! ahh, mierda... vamos, contesta, contesta! por favor, ayúdame!" carlos was hysterical, muttering in spanish as the call operator urged him to switch to english when they finally connected no, no, val, valencia! ahh, crap...come on, pick up, pick up! please help me!

with all the possible information that was obvious from just the scene in front of him, carlos gave it all to the dispatcher in english who then sent out the ambulance and police vehicle with lights and sirens flashing straight to the hotel. thanking the female dispatcher, ending the call since he could hear the sirens coming down the street, carlos threw his phone to the ground. the phone just stopping before it fell into one of the few puddles of blood as he then leant his back against the wall. right where valencia was wedged up against and picked her up, cradling her in his lap.

swaying the both of them lightly from side to side, carlos tried to keep the both of them calm and valencia as awake as possible as the sirens halted sound as did the flashing lights, meaning the paramedics and police had arrived.

"...vamos val, está bien cariño. solo mantén tus bonitos ojos abiertos, soy carlos, estás a salvo..." carlos whispered in a soft, surprisingly calm tone of voice in spanish as valencia suddenly squirmed before calming down from the pain of her injury and the fact that she was safe and it was carlos holding her, matteo nowhere to be found c'mon val, it's okay darling. just keep your pretty eyes open, it's carlos, you're safe

"what..what happened? did...did matteo hit me?" groggy, valencia attempted to ask what had happened in english, spanish seeming too complicated right now, wanting to know if what happened did happen and she wasn't dreaming as carlos gave a small smile

"yeah babe, matteo hit you. that and he threw a glass vase at your head which caused you to fall back into the wall...but it's okay, matteo's gone and i'm here and the paramedics and police are just walking in now with the hotel security and management, okay, you're safe," carlos stayed calm, also speaking in english as valencia nodded her head as best as she could which made carlos relax a little better

immediately, the paramedics went over to check on valencia as carlos stood up and slipped behind them so as not to be in the way. he felt tears well in his eyes as he watched his best friend get prodded and poked and asked so many questions that the poor thing could barely keep up with their questions.

"...valencia, darling, can you please let us help you? my name is amani and this is basma, we're paramedics and we are here to help you and to treat your injuries..." basma, the older female paramedic repeated for a second time to valencia who was slipping between awake and sleep

"...am i okay? where...where's carlos?" valencia panicked, no longer about to see carlos as amani and basma decided that they needed to work quickly and to keep valencia as responsive for as long as they possibly could

"valencia, carlos is still here, he's just talking to the police and hotel management, and yes, you are okay, you've just got a head injury and small non-fatal lacerations scattered across your upper body, arms and legs. your head injury is our biggest concern so, could you please tell us your name and where you currently are in the world, even though we already know it?" basma then asks as valencia blinks, thinking for a moment but it seemed as if nothing was registering in her mind other than carlos

"uh...umm.i..my..." the first and second try she doesn't get it but, by the third try, she manages to mumble her name out

"...val..valencia...my name is valencia, i'm...i'm twenty-four, we're in a hotel in abu dhabi for the formula one grand prix and my...my boyfriend matteo cruz de la costa and i got into an argument and he...he hit me a couple of times after threatening too and then he...he picked up the glass vase and hit my over the head with it as i then fell back, hitting my head again on the wall..." valencia wangles out as the paramedics and carlos, who was teary-eyed, smiled in shock with widened eyes as they listened to valencia remember every single detail of the accident and where they were in the world currently since it wasn't spain

carlos could barely deal with anyone treating valencia with that much disrespect but, it shocked him so much more that it was matteo because he was supposedly in love with her and he trusted matteo to take care of her and he didn't.

"...well done, valencia. thank you for the information..." basma thanked as valencia smiled in return when basma's attention went back to amani

"...amani, i think the only thing we can do is just get valencia into the ambulance and to the hospital, she is back and forth from consciousness even though she does remember her name, where she is and what happened, there's still a chance that something bad could happen..." basma concluded as amani agreed straight away, basma moving forward and picking up valencia in her arms, carrying her bridal style towards to stretcher as they then proceed to wheel her out to the ambulance

carlos then quickly followed after them into the ambulance, obviously his last thought on the glass shards on the floor and the fact he was covered in his ex-girlfriend/best friend's blood, basma closed the back of the ambulance before jumping onto the front seat, flooring down the street to the nearest hospital as amani and carlos sat in the back with valencia.

"...carlos, if there is anyone, could you possibly get into contact with them about valencia's condition and tell them to meet us at the yas marina medical centre, it's the closest one?" amani spoke up as she continued to monitor valencia's vitals

carlos nods his head as he immediately grabs his phone and messages the first person he thinks of; his former torro rosso teammate max verstappen. only because all the drivers were staying in the same hotel, there was no way the other drivers weren't aware of the incident that just happened since it wasn't like it was a small or quiet dispute. it was an entire situation that for sure was meant to draw attention from matteo. 

max

hey, max, could you and the guys meet valencia and me at yas marina medical centre, please?

why, what happened?

carlos, what the fuck happened?

you were only supposed to go and visit valencia and matteo in their hotel room, what did that cock sucker do?

no, valencia isn't okay. and yes, i was only supposed to visit them but, the moment i got there, matteo basically legged it when i then noticed what had happened. i walked in further to see that matteo had hit valencia over the head with a glass vase, she couldn't move out of the way quickly enough. that's what that loud disturbance was. now, i don't exactly know what they were fighting about since i didn't hear it fully, none of us did, but, the police did take statements from those in the rooms next door and across. all i can say is that they were definitely fighting again.

again? jesus christ, how many more times are they going to fight and she's going to keep on going back to him and continue bringing him with her to the races? i feel so awful for her, she doesn't deserve this!

how far away are you guys from the hospital in the ambulance? thankfully, lando, charles and i haven't let for anything yet so we won't take too long and obviously, seb and lewis will be with us as well

the ambulance is like three minutes away, meet me in waiting room three! the hospital will place her in the icu considering it's a head injury

oh, you best be there we'll be there in two! stay safe and, carlos, stay calm, valencia is a strong girl and matteo, the fucker, is going to pay for this!

thank you max, i'll see you and the guys in waiting room three!

max has read carlos' message

carlos now felt less agitated knowing that when he got to the hospital, his teammates and friends were also going to be there as well. knowing he wasn't going to be alone really gave carlos some comfort as he now just had to deal with the thought that the person that he thought loved his best friend and ex-girlfriend would even think to do this to her, not just this once but all the countless other times.

from what carlos saw of matteo and heard of him, he was really kind, funny, enthusiastic, sarcastic, a talented photographer, a bit of a jerk and petty when he purposefully would either mispronounce or call someone by the wrong name and pretty possessive when drunk but overall, he was a great guy. sure, as mentioned, he did make some uncomfortable and inexcusable comments when drunk but, maybe valencia got uncomfortable due to never seeing it before that night when she returned back to singapore for the grand prix. matteo isn't a bad guy, right...right?

♥︎𓆩♡𓆪♥︎

a couple of weeks go by since valencia was first brought into the yas marina circuit medical centre by ambulance when she was starting to regain full consciousness again. after many ct scans and x-rays, it had been ruled out that valencia's memory or head injury was not a serious concern anymore, she was moved out from the icu and into a different room on the first floor. all she needed was regular pain medication to stop any internal and external swelling.

the entire time that valencia was confined to her icu room in the hospital, carlos and the rest of the f1 grid family were there also. they never actually wanted to leave due to the heavy risk of matteo coming in and attempting to apologise for what he did so, they never left and the hospital staff allowed it. for a while, especially at the beginning of valencia's time at the hospital, just the mention of matteo's name would make valencia stress out which would then cause trauma to her head injury which was something they were heavily trying to avoid.

valencia was beyond grateful to carlos, max, lando, daniel, lewis, sebastian and the rest of the sainz family for never leaving her bedside and staying in her room with her. she was grateful because it made her feel safe in knowing that her best friends weren't ever leaving her side, no matter who she chose to fall in love with or out of love with. no matter where it happened in the world, whether it was back home in spain or overseas in abu dhabi during the last race of the season. even if she only started to realise it now, in a hospital bed out of the icu that it was the wrong person.

"...carlos..." valencia mumbled, filling out the silence as she had just finished some testing which caused her to be a little drugged and groggy, carlos smiled at hearing his name

"...yeah, what's up, valencia?" carlos responded softly, worried if he spoke in spanish it would confuse her, quickly turning to face her again as he grabbed her hand to hold, making the drowsy girl smile at the connection

"fue...la policía realmente pudo descubrir lo que pasó? por qué peleamos matteo y yo?" valencia questioned in spanish, shocking carlos as they hadn't spoken in spanish since before the accident was...were the police actually able to find out what happened? what did matteo and i actually fight about?

and, since the accident, carlos and the entire group had been quite apprehensive about telling the full story of what matteo did. since for some reason, maybe due to a trauma response, valencia could remember everything else about what happened but the actual fight that led up to her injuries. 

and the reason being was that, a couple of days after being transferred to the hospital, carlos received a phone call from the police that had been dispatched out on his call and told him that they not only had found and apprehended matteo. but his statement of events lined up basically identically to every single one of the witness statements from the surrounding hotel rooms who had heard the two of them fighting. and, now, valencia wanted to be told? this worried everyone but no one was more worried than carlos himself was.

"val...valencia, are you sure you want me to tell you? what he did was horrific..." carlos trailed off in english so everyone else could understand, fighting back his own tears as valencia slowly nodded her head yes

seeing the head nod, carlos breathed in as the others braced themselves as carlos was the only one to be given that phone call with the information from the police.

"...por favor, carlos. i...i wanna know and i'm ready, besides, i deserve to know, don't i?" valencia was certain that she wanted to know and she made it clear, carlos nodded his head as he then held his hand out for his best friend to hold, which she reciprocated straight away please, carlos.

"...okay, umm, just to preface this, this is what i was told by the police and what they were told by him and the witnesses that heard it..." however, it seemed as though carlos no longer needed to tell the story since whatever trauma response was stopping valencia from remembering before was gone and she remembered

her eyes widened as she squeezed carlos hand tighter, "...i...oh my god...i remember what we were fighting over!" she called out, making carlos turn his head up again, in a bit of shock but a little bit glad since that was the one thing the police were a bit iffy about telling him

"what was the fight over?" carlos hummed quietly as the rest of the group all nervously awaited to hear it, not expecting to be told what valencia was about to tell them

valencia never imagined she'd be embarrassed saying this but she was, making eye contact with nicky, "it...the fight was over you, carlos..." the injured girl then turned her head back down to her hands that rested in the hospital sheets as carlos sat in shock, the fight was over him?

"...it...the fight was over me?" carlos could feel his breathing pick up as valencia nodded her head slowly as she continued the story further, remembering other things that carlos had already been told by the police that the rest were hearing for the first time

"mhm, it was because i couldn't stop talking about you to matteo. he...he must have thought i was cheating on him and that we were dating behind his back or something and, he...he told me to stop talking about you as he then started to talk crap about you..." valencia paused as carlos' jaw tensed up as he gulped down some saliva that he was almost about to choke on

the others were listening in pure shock, "...i, of course, defended you, saying you look at me the way you do because you did date me for three years and that we are still best friends, so i didn't take any care at how you looked at me as that's how you have always looked at me, even before we dated. i told matteo i loved him, though it was with hesitation and i think that's what made him even madder as that was when he started to yell, saying that i didn't love him and that i...that i still loved you, carlos..." the drowsy girl trailed off again as she licked her lips as she continued, carlos lightly caressing her hand in comfort with his thumb

"...and, that...what was when i said it. i shouted it actually, telling him that he was correct...i...i do still love you, carlos. i...*sigh* i never stopped loving you, carlos, i seriously didn't. i then explained to matteo that the reason why we broke up was because of the timing of us always being so busy with f1 and modelling jobs and that was what was getting in the way of our relationship. not that we didn't love each other and that i talk about you so much because you are incredible carlos, you truly are!" once again, valencia paused so she could catch her breath and take a swig of water before continuing, carlos remaining engaged and listening, everyone else in silent shock

"i then continued on saying how you always treated me right, not just when we dated but as best friends and, i know i shouldn't have but, it was all i could think to say. and that was what drove him over the edge but i just kept on going and kept on pushing him by saying how much of an amazing person you are when he just couldn't handle it anymore and...and then he picked up the glass vase and he threw it at me...and i didn't realise he had thrown it before it was too late and bam, it hit me right in the back of the head and i just, fell and slid down the wall, the shards of glass underneath me cutting into me..." valencia trailed off, most especially after mentioning that she was still in love with carlos, even after she had convinced herself that she had moved on from her best friend even when she hadn't ever really planned to do that

this had obviously caught carlos breathless as he tried to form a coherent sentence, "...val...valencia, you...still love me?" he stammered out as the drowsy, medically drugged-up girl nodded her head as her lip quivered

"oh my gosh, carlos, yes! matteo broke my heart, maybe even more than my heart actually! carlitos, this wasn't the first fight matteo and i had had! it was maybe at least the tenth or something crazy stupid like that. those photos included in that vogue article were taken ages ago and before estella's wedding which was before we flew over to visit you guys in singapore when i first introduced you to matteo. as soon as estella's wedding finished and you and i started hanging out more frequently when you returned from singapore, we had just hit breaking point, matteo and i. it was always, always matteo accusing me of something, never me accusing him because i trusted and loved him enough to think that he wouldn't hurt me or break my heart. but, i've ended up in the hospital in abu dhabi, day before race day, which is just as worse. i...i am so sorry i never told you or confirmed your guys' suspicions, i...i was just scared, so scared that matteo would hurt me if he found out i was trying to ask you guys for help or for a way out," valencia trailed off, a small single tear escaping from the corner of her eye to her cheek, carlos wiping it away

carlos was also silently crying, he couldn't believe that anyone would ever think of putting someone as sweet and loving as valencia through so much pain and heartache. and in all honesty, he never stopped loving valencia either. of course, the break-up at the time was for the best and maybe this is what was supposed to come out of the breakup but, they both wished that it wasn't having to happen in a hospital room.

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you

carlos and valencia sat in silence with one another just staring at each other, consoling each other and wiping away each other's tears. everyone watching on saw the love and infatuation, the same one they always had for each other, spark all over again as if it never faded. valencia never stopped loving carlos, she was just waiting for the right time so she and carlos could meet back up again at the perfect roadblock and start from where they had left off.

and that's actually what they ended up doing and, it was like love at first sight again for the two of them.

"...i love you, valencia, i never stopped loving you..."

"...i love you too, carlos, i never stopped loving you either!"

six months later

vogue españa

CARLOS SAINZ JR, F1 DRIVER FOR FERRARI AND VALENCIA PEREZ ARE BACK IN LOVE AGAIN! SPOTTED DANCING, KISSING AND LOVING ON EACH OTHER AT SISTER'S WEDDING! 

INES LORENZO | EDITOR JUNE, 2021

do we hear wedding bells? yes, we do but, it wasn't for our favourite power couple but for another sister of one-half of our favourite power couple! okay, we've all been screaming and crying at the news that carlos sainz jr of formula one and valencia perez of our very own vogue españa has gotten back together and dating again. however, these new and exclusive photos and interviews have come from those in attendance at katerina perez's, valencia's other older sister's wedding to her new beau, writer noah vasquez.

katerina is the eldest sister of the perez clan with estella, the other older sister that got married earlier in the year as the second oldest with valencia being the youngest sister of the three girls. and, katerina was the first person our vogue reporters talked to in regard to the rekindling of carlos and valencia's romance and, we're here for the way in which mrs vasquez talks about her littlest sister and sainz jr.

"carlos is fantastic...he is such a sweetheart, such a charmer but he's also such a gentleman and the way he treats valencia, my little angel is the only way in which she deserves to be treated. so, knowing that they're back in their new and improved but still old relationship at my wedding is definitely a dream coming true..." quote by katerina perez vasquez, valencia's older sister

estella perez castello, who was also at her older sister's wedding with her husband, bailey perez castello, also had a super sweet thing to say about her little sister valencia and carlos and, honestly, get those tissues out because it is a tearjerker.

"honestly, there's no one else in the world that i'd want to see my sister with other than carlos sainz jr! they are the best couple in the entire world and i'm not even sugarcoating it. carlos doesn't hurt her, make her uncomfortable or do things to or with her that she is unsure of. he is patient and knows when he's crossed a line. what a guy, i mean, i truthfully think, and this isn't me bashing me or katerina's husbands but, i genuinely think that carlos is the best partner out of the three of them and both bailey and noah agree. and, also, our parents and younger siblings all love carlos. so, i mean, we all i think cried when we were told they first broke up but rejoiced when they got back together after valencia was discharged from the hospital in abu dhabi and fully recovered. i just hope that the next wedding i'm a bridesmaid in that it's valencia and carlos'!" quote by estella perez castello, valencia's other older sister 

katerina and her husband noah vasquez | pic: photography by sofie perez photography

for those who didn't know, before breaking up, valencia and carlos had dated for three years before that, starting their relationship in 2018 to when it ended in january of last year in 2020. however, the two little lovebirds have known each other since they were young cherubs back home in their lovely hometown of madrid, spain. valencia was of course famous before carlos was known in the motorsport world but when carlos did make his debut in formula one, valencia was said to be the first wag (wife and girlfriend). which, she shares with the other girlfriends and wives of the other formula one drivers. 

talking with our vogue españa reporters at katerina's wedding reception during cocktail hour, both valencia and carlos shared with us their joy of getting back together after valencia's last relationship that was abusive and caused her a hospital trip in a completely different country during the last race of the 2020 season. thankfully, both were happy and elated to talk with us so, here is what they had to say.

"...oh, i am absolutely overjoyed to be with carlos in a relationship again. he is truly the best partner in the entire world. he is sweet, he is cheeky, he is loving, he is caring, but most importantly, he is so patient and he understands that i'm still mentally and still in someway physically, recovering from the last relationship that i was in for a couple of months. and it was that relationship that ended with me being in the hospital that i was just discharged from not too long ago back in abu dhabi last december. and carlos' been brilliant the entire time of my recovery, actually, so has his entire family but, yeah, with carlos, getting back into the swing of our relationship was so easy and it just felt like i was going back home again," quote by valencia perez, carlos sainz jr's girlfriend

"...being back with valencia is like she said, going back home again and as cheesy as it sounds, it's seriously the most truthful thing ever! valencia is the best girlfriend in the whole entire world and, i'm just so glad that whilst we did fix some things in our relationship with one of them being that we were the priority, not our jobs as a model and f1 racer. and because of that, it was still the same relationship that we had had for three years before we split up. valencia is genuinely the funniest, sexiest, most talented person i have ever met and honestly, i could cry over her because of how much i love her and how much i am truly happier being with her again," quote by carlos sainz jr, valencia perez's boyfriend

even though we do love valencia and carlos, we also love the newly married couple, mr and mrs noah and katerina vasquez, here is a gallery of photos of the newly married couple and of valencia and carlos at the vasquez's wedding:

gallery 60+ photos: click here

♥︎𓆩♡𓆪♥︎

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, heidiberger, landonorris and 12,000 others

valenciaperez te amo mi sol i love you, my sun

view all comments

carlossainz55 mi sol my sun

valenciaperez carlossainz55 te amo i love you

maxverstappen1 nice selection of photos val but where am i :(

valenciaperez maxverstappen1 i'm sorry maxie, next photo dump i promise! 

heidiberger ok yeah, we get it, you model for vogue now give the rest of the world some of the good looks pls and thanks 

valenciaperez heidiberger oh stop it will you you gorgeous woman?!

landonorris you look gorgeous mama! 

valenciaperez landonorris gracias hijo son

danielricciardo gorgeous lady. carlos is extremely lucky to have you 

valenciaperez danielricciardo thank you danny! and we're both lucky to have each other

sebastianvettel beautiful photos pequeño little

valenciaperez sebastianvettel thank you seb! missing you loads

fanofcarlosandvalencia ok miss vogue espana, i see you 

valenciaperez fanofcarlosandvalencia i see you too darling!

charlesleclerc wait, are you and carlitos married and none of us were told? 

valenciaperez charlesleclerc oh my gosh, no hijo! no, no, no! it was for a cover shoot with a wedding magazine! you would know if carlos and i were engaged before getting married! 

leclerc_pascale you look beautiful valencia 

valenciaperez leclerc_pascale thank you pascale! 

turning off her phone after liking and replying to the comments on her most recent post to instagram, valencia couldn't help the smile that enveloped her face. on her lap, her boyfriend carlos was resting atop, sleeping soundly after coming back from a gym session with his cousin and manager caco. it was during carlos' gym session that valencia had posted those photos and she had never been happier in her life. the couple were back in madrid for three weeks off before they would leave for the austin grand prix at the cota (circut of the americas) race track. but right now, looking at her sleeping boyfriend, valencia could only think about how calm and happy her life had become since breaking up with her ex and getting back together with carlos. her hands combing through his fluffy hair which made the spaniard smile slightly in his sleep, knowing it was his girlfriend's hands. carlos had never been happier either, since he had bagged valencia for the second time but knowing that it would be the last time he'd have to get her back ever again. 

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you and he was waiting there for her and, carlos finally got his girl back safe and sound.

fin

fuuuuck, rewriting this was a lot but, we got there at the end! the ending was shit but i wanted to include the last lyric of the song somewhere and that's where it went. and yes, not only did i have two online vogue articles but i also had an instagram post in the end because why the fuck not! anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot! 

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[d-field22-blog]

Story link: https://www.deviantart.com/d-field22/art/Batman-Oc-Villain-16-Red-Riding-Hood-Digital-867360346

Bio: Real name: Rufina R. Dooh Occupation: Murderer, Professional criminal Base of Operation: Gotham City Eyes: Green Hair: Black, (ends dyed Red) Height: 5ft 7 in Weight: 130lbs

Attributes: Obsessed with old fairytales, particularly Little Red Riding Hood Suicidal Uses hand crafted baskets as not just her means of fitting her gimmick of filling it with dead body parts, but also as her calling card. With a quote of a famous fairytale written on a white card tied to the handles. Uses an exaggerated personality of an innocent girl. Surprisingly good in hand to hand combat. Mainly sticks to knives, or her cleaved she hides in her cloak Mainly sticks to old people as her victims. But is known to kill much younger folk that cross her, or whom she feels like killing.

Dream voice actress: Chloë Grace Moretz. You could say I have sort of a crush on Chloe, I can say that instead of some old perverts on Facebook or Twitter because she and I are a lot closer in age. But aside from that, she has grown to be a very competent actress, whether it be kickass heroes, smart allices, or even tortured souls, she for the most parts gives it her all in acting. I can't seem to recall seeing a "bad" performance from her. Though I think her choices need to be a bit better for some movies, Chloë Grace Moretz has the perfect voice for Rufina. I also tried to model Rufina's face after Chloe, but I'm not that very good at drawing real people. But I did my best, and I think I did it well enough.

Featured song: Little Red Riding Hood by Amanda Seyfried.

Notes.

Red Riding Hood was a rogue that desperately needed a redesign, and I was so looking forward to the day that she would get one. And dare I say, this one blows the original out of the water.

I decided to draw the basket in the crutch of her arm and placed her trademark killing weapon in where the basket use to be, along with an additional butcher knife, 3.Some of the colors of her outfit were changed and now she pops at you much more, because I didn't think to do the inside of her cloak in a different shade of red.

How could I not incorporate the Mad Hatter into her origin? It would have been a missed opportunity if I didn't have them meet/ work together in any point in time.

Now as I have said in my Joker page, I am not a big fan of the film, However I do like elements/ characters from it. I like Murray, I like Gary, and Randall(to a point) so I decided to incorporate the former 2 into Red's origin. For the Batman universe that I am creating is taking bits and pieces from all across Batman history, official, spin-off, or fan created, and finding a way to mesh the elements without going completely nuts.

I am a big Stephen King fan and one year on Christmas I asked for Carrie. I read half of the book in one day and I had to stop myself from reading it to have Christmas. Carrie in the book and the films was a huge inspiration for Rufina right up to the actress and even the main tormentor of Rufina, who shares the name of 2 other characters from the book.

[euphor1a]

besties wanted jk n mingyu so i gib jk n mingyu🤩

— or, a small bit of the very messy outline of my death the junggyu fic™. totally unedited and raw (intentional). kept that way so that one can feel the original vibes i was feeling when i was brainstorming this on a random 3 am 😙

fwb popular!jk & campus crush jock!mg 

jk is popular for very obvious (? or is it) reasons 🤭, almost made him a fuckboy but nah not really. man’s terrified of commitment so he used to sleep around often, kinda.

but then he finds our oc and *cough* *cough* legitimately falls. still not willing to commit tho 🙄 hence the “fwb” (at least that’s what he convinced himself)

our poor oc... sigh. let’s just say they’re on different pages :/ and our girl is tired of jk’s bs, desperately trying to gather herself and actually move on.

SHE DESERVES SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE W HER!!!!

incoming our campus crush kim mingyu 😍

man’s so fine that everyone can feel themselves physically swooning when he’s around 😫

he’s also a jock 😼, not entirely sure which sport i want him to play though... (?🏀)

NOW NOW!! this man is one of those guys who rejects all advances but his love-life is pretty much non-existent (sounds like the biggest lie but yes,,,)

rumor says he used to be nasty nasty at first apparently 👀 but then he found better people as friends and changed 🤨? did a total 180°?

on this random evening after a session, oc asks jk to help her make mg jealous (?) idk she just needs his ✨ATTENTIONNNNNN✨!!! am i self-projecting? am i?

oc always knew him (who wouldn’t), but she was introduced face to face with theeee kmg by jk 🤠

she actually got pretty close to jk’s friend group cause she tagged along w jk to group hang outs frequently (fyi, it was jeon jungkook who would drag her w him 💀)

and 👉🏼👈🏼 she developed this silly little crush on mg 🙈

later on, as oc realized jeon jk is hellbent on staying “friends”, she decided to give other people a chance.

she secretly hopes that if she dates someone else, maybe jk can see and come back to his MFING SENSES

but anyway, our girl is a bit too deep into the mingyu rabbit-hole by now also 😔✋🏼

sulky n pouty jk being mad about oc liking mg… cause guess what!? junggyu homies 😔✊🏼

hmm…. jk still fucking oc in the midst of that ish cuz why not 🫣 n he’s mad too so kinda hate fucking? anyway — oc convinces jk bc she is a simp for mg same girl i feel u and jk agrees half-heartedly cause he would actually give her the whole world 🙄 just stupid ass simps everywhere!!

jk thinks that mg will never say yes 🙃 so deep down he’s like making plans about how he’s gonna absolutely destroy oc and punish her once she gets her heart broken by the campus crush 🥴

like??? BITCH LOOK WHOS TALKING? men are so dense sometimes like WHAT EVEN CANT YOU SEE THAT YOU HURT OC TOO (maybe in a worse way tbh)

sigh... so anyway.

mg thinks oc is prettiest ever & attractive asf and he gets butterflies and stuff when she’s around 🥰🦋 but he never made a move bc he knows there’s sumn fishy going on between oc n his friend 😩

SURPRISE! that man has been pining over oc from who knows when 😦

no one except him knows about it though 😔 (well... you guys know now)

moving forward 👾

jk being grumpy n fighting oc every 10 secs for the dumbest things bc she fell for his bff out of all people 🤡 (but jk is an asshole too cuz bro should’ve stopped saying shit like “we are nothing but friends”?? like yk you can’t just expect a girl to be your fwb for the rest of your life?? 🙄 plus she caught feelings for you n you were a dumb bitch abt it... she deserves to be loved, verbally, physically, mentally and in all the ways 😔🥺)

[REDACTED]

↻ error loading the rest, please try again later. 

... i think i spoiled a bit too much 😵‍💫! but yea here you go!! if you have any thoughts about this, feel free to share them through asks or comments! i’d love to hear them! and, for this once, i request to not rb 🙈! i wouldn’t be the most comfortable seeing this reblogged 😭

[calenhads]

i was tagged by the lovely @steelport @morvaris @arklay and @aartyom to make some of my ocs in this adorable picrew, ty guys!! this was super fun

ro’an (d&d, she/they) | marion (rdo, she/her) haiiro (oc, he/they) | rhiannon (da, she/they)

tagging: @avallachs @montliyets @trvelyans @nuclearstorms @reaperkiller @cultistbase @kirnet @twinwitchbolt @ianeiras @rodenharlowe and YOU!!

[zablife]

Hey hun! Super congrats on the 600 🥳 I saw this gif and thought maybe it could be a combo of your ☎️ and 🗣 because it gives me such professor!Cillian Murphy vibes with his cosy sweater and jazzy glasses 🥰 And who doesn’t love a bit of smutty Cillian in a position of authority, eh? 😉

I love your work so much - you give such vibrancy to your characters, esp your OCs. It feels like they jump off the page (well, screen) in 3D, which is such an amazing skill to have. Thank you for being such a great writer and for sharing it so generously with us all here, xx

Hi darl, tysm for this amazing request! I LOVE the gif inspo as well😍I had a lot of fun with this even if it did turn a bit angsty. I drew inspiration for the last lines from Bob Dylan's song "Just Like a Woman," which is one of my favorite songs. I included a bit of smut as well, which I hope you like!

Professor of English literature, Thomas Shelby

*Professor Shelby is always calling on you in class, asking difficult questions and pressing you for your opinion, but you can tell there’s an attraction there. However, your papers are returned with challenging remarks and lower than average grades.

*When you ask for tutoring after class he puts you off at first saying he’s too busy, but you persist. When he agrees to meet with you the only time available is late in the evening after his colleagues have gone home. 

*He sips whisky in the dim lamplight of his office as he has you recite Chaucer from memory. When you flub the lines due to your exhaustion, he sighs with annoyance and makes you start again. Your hands tremble, not wanting to disappoint him.

*When you inevitably cry from frustration, he stands and takes you by the shoulders, “Told you you should have been studying,” he tsks, wiping the tears away.

*”I have,” you assert firmly, “but I’ve also had work and my other classes, Professor Shelby. Please, I’ll do anything,” you plead, sliding a hand down the front of his trousers.

*He pulls away with an amused smirk, scoffing, “I can get a fuck whenever I want, love. Why would I want to bed a university girl?” 

*You felt incredibly foolish as he turned you away, but you wondered what his intentions were as he kept bumping into you all over campus. How did he always know where you would be? He would show up during your shift at the cafe, walk by during your study group at the library and drive past as you finished your workout at the gym. Was he following you?

*Everyone said he was sleeping with Professor Stark in Linguistics. She was tall, dark and elegant. Rumor had it she spoke seven languages and had lived all over the world. How could you possibly compete with someone so worldly and elegant?

*One day in class Professor Shelby stood reciting Blake’s Poison Tree. As he recited the lines about the grudge held against a foe:

“And I sunned it with smiles, 

And with soft deceitful wiles” 

You swore he looked straight at you, his sapphire eyes burning a hole into your core with lustful desire. It wasn’t your imagination, he wanted to consume you, but the source of his lust was odd as though he hadn’t made up his mind if it was love or hatred that drew him to you. 

*After class you waited for everyone to file from the classroom and you rushed to confront him. “Why have you been following me, professor?” you hissed in a voice just above a whisper. 

*Professor Shelby grabbed your chin harshly and said, “Because you’re the most brilliant student I’ve ever met. Your mind intrigues me and now I have to have your body.” He wasted no time pushing his tongue into your mouth and you crashed into him with reckless abandon. Without care for who could find you in the empty classroom, you made love on the floor by his desk, a desperate attempt to gain dominance over one another, although you allowed him one final act of control when he seated himself deep within in you riding out the waves of his pleasure.

*Catching your breath in the rays of the afternoon light, you buttoned your blouse and fixed your hair. You gathered your satchel and fled from the room, afraid of what the day’s affair would mean to your grades and your reputation. 

*Over the course of the next few weeks, you and Tommy had sex in his office, his car and his flat. He couldn’t seem to get enough of you and you wondered if this would become serious. Then one day, it stopped as suddenly as it began. 

*You found yourself watching him in class, licking your lips as you watched him recite poetry from the front of the lecture hall, but he never returned your gaze. You caught yourself looking up from your books during study sessions waiting for him to pass by your table, but he never came. 

*One night you decided to visit him in his office for a tutoring session and heard the unmistakable moans of a woman in the throes of passion and you turned on your heel, knowing he’d moved on from you. 

*When you confronted him about it, he took your hands and held them out from his body as though you were no longer permitted such familiarity, “We have to stop.” When you looked hurt and began to cry, he rolled his eyes and scoffed coldly, “You’re just like all the rest. You make love like a woman, but you break just like a little girl.”

*Before you left you had to tell him how you felt. You knew this would end eventually, but the way he was doing it was so cruel. “Tommy, do me a favor. One day when I’m a famous author and we’re introduced again. Don’t let on that you knew me when I was hungry and it was your world. Everyone will hate you,” you said with as much confidence as you could muster. 

*Holding fast to the idea you would one day reclaim your dignity was all you could do to maintain some level of control despite the spiral of fear and shame you felt in that moment.

@shelbydelrey

[lubdubsworld]

⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is. 

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy  to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.  

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely.  She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while.  We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.  

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong.  She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.  

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements  and you have to have  a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth  always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and  I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have  a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is  give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice.  You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

 Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook  knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..”  She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.  

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone,  simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “  All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to. 

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg. 

ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it. 

[noteguk]

i was wondering how bad influence! jk and oc started interacting? like what made them start talking

[ ! ] this dabble is a prequel to “bad influence”

— words; 1.6k

~

Your professor was looking at you with expectation, the small piece of paper hanging between his fingers like the sword of Damocles over your head. You were staring at him in silence for a few seconds now, and the whole situation was starting to get awkward. 

“So,” he pressed on, dangling the paper in front of your eyes. On it, the name and phone number of one of your classmates. “What do you say?” 

When he asked you to stay after class, you expected it would be something related to tutoring. Your professor had mentioned it in passing a few times before, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise when he told you he had found you someone who really needed your assistance. You were beaming with joy for precisely a minute and twenty one seconds until he revealed the name of your student. 

Jeon Jungkook. 

Before you had any chance to muster an excuse for why you couldn’t — under any circumstance — get close to someone like that, even less tutor him, your professor already had his card up his sleeve. “It’ll be good for your curriculum.” 

And you said yes in a heartbeat. 

~

Jungkook was predictable. You knew that he would be late (after all, his cringy bad boy persona would never allow him to follow one single rule in his life), you just didn’t know it would be almost two-hours-late. By the point that you saw that hurricane in human form walking into the library, you had already finished your homework for the entire week. 

He had the nerve to smirk at you, and you swore an oath to yourself that you wouldn’t present him with the irritation he was expecting. And you didn’t — with all the patience and kind-heartedness that your parents had pushed down your throat your entire life, you put on your best commercial smile and greeted him like he was just in time. 

“Well, now that you’re here, let’s start with the basics and go over some defense cells.” You tugged the heavy Immunology book towards you, quickly flipping the pages towards the chapter that you had chosen for that first session. Jungkook had already taken his typical slouched position on the chair next to you, looking like he was about to slide down to the carpeted floor. “I’d like to know how familiar you are with it, though. Can you start by telling me about the types of lymphocytes?” 

He chuckled, running one hand through his hair. “I have no idea what that shit is.”

You took a deep breath and ignored the irritation that was building up on your stomach. You didn’t know how someone could be so indifferent about everything. “Well... that’s why I’m here,” you managed to keep your voice cheerful. 

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re here because you wanna get paid, princess. No need to play the Good Samaritan.”

You thought about telling him that you weren’t getting paid, but the idea wasn’t the best one. He’d probably mock you even more for wasting your Friday afternoon tutoring in the name of your curriculum. Not that he knew the importance of that, anyways. 

“This is some bullshit.” Jungkook rested his head on his crossed arms, lying over the table, pushing away your pens and notebooks as he did so. His black hair fell over his features as he grouchily mumbled out, “I don’t even know why I chose this class, it has nothing to do with my major.”

You were surprised that he was even majoring in something, instead of just frequenting the campus as an excuse to meet girls. “Well, I can't answer that for you, can I?” You asked, tapping on his book’s hardcover. That little antibody drawing was staring at you in a silent mockery, wondering if you’d be able to make him study — or even care about anything. “But I can help you with the rest. Now, come on. Types of lymphocytes.”

His eyebrows came down to form a confused frown. Jungkook would’ve probably given you the same reaction if you had just called his mother all the filthy names you could think of. “You’re really trying to teach me?” He asked. “Like, for real?” 

You sighed. The time you taught your little cousin how to read was less frustrating than that. “It’s kind of my job as a tutor, you know.”

Jungkook rose from his position and leaned back against the chair, his arms crossing before his chest. Beneath them, his strong pecs stressed against the fabric of his white shirt, but you refused to look. “You know that you can just pretend to teach me, I can pretend to learn, and you’re gonna get your credits anyways, right?” He asked as if you were the stupidest person he had ever met. “You don’t need to actually put in the effort, princess. Especially since I don’t give any fucks about immunology.” 

If he called you that stupid pet name one more time, you swore you were going to knock him out. “Well, I’m already here, I’d rather do things right.”

He scoffed, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes. “God, you’re so booooring,” he groaned. “Don't you have some charity work to do or something?” 

“I’m doing it right now.” You smiled. “I can see that you’re really trying to fail this class, don’t get me wrong. But I’m just trying to do my job—“

“Boooooring,” he sang, louder than the librarian would ever allow if she was close enough to hear him. Jungkook looked back at you, his eyes narrowed. You couldn’t really tell if he was disgusted or just annoyed. “Why do you even care? It’s just some stupid class, it doesn’t even matter. I’ll tell the professor you taught me everything and we can both go home.” 

“I can’t do that,” you said, firm. 

“Why not?” 

“First of all, because that’s wrong,” you told him. Just as you were about to say that, also, his unavoidable horrible grades would make clear that he hadn’t learned shit (which would make you look like a clown instead of a tutor), his laugh ruptured your sentence. 

“Oh, come on. You’re kidding me.” He smiled brightly — not a tender one, of course, but one full of perverse mockery. You had never met someone as condescending as Jungkook, and he was managing to push every single button inside you. “That’s wrong? What are you, six?” 

You frowned. “You’re the child here, just trying to find a easy way out instead of putting in the eff—“ 

“What are your dreams, princess?” He interrupted again, leaning his head to the side. You really, really, really hated him. “Wait, no, let me guess. A family, a suburban house, and a dog? A nine to five? Something like that? Having your husband cheat with the babysitter before you’re forty?”

Some part of you knew that he was just trying to make you so angry that you would give up on tutoring him. Jungkook didn’t know that you wouldn’t throw away your obligations so quickly, but he was able to make you mad enough to get an answer. “What are yours?” you spat, kindness long forgotten. “Remaining unemployed, talentless, mentally trapped in your twenties, and fucking desperate milfs for money until you die from an early overdose?” 

If your priest had heard you talk like that, he would most surely faint. 

Jungkook, however, didn’t seem so horrified. In fact, his disgusted smile quickly morphed into a diverted one, a chuckle leaving his lips. “Uh,” he mumbled. “Interesting.”

The shame from your previous outburst was starting to weigh down on you, but you managed to keep it undercover. “What?” 

“Didn’t know you had a mouth on you,” he said, clearly entertained. In a way, you were glad that he hadn’t taken your words to heart, because he could probably snap you in half if he was feeling like it. “You’re always so shy and shit. I thought you were going to cry.” 

“I’m not shy,” you spoke, defensive. You had gotten close to shedding a couple tears, but he didn’t need to know that. You hated confrontation. “I just don’t wanna talk to people like you unless I’m obligated to.” 

He raised his eyebrows — a silent threat. “People like me?”

There was a second of hesitation from your part that Jungkook didn’t miss. “Yes.” You couldn’t hold his piercing gaze. As much as Jungkook was annoying the shit out of you, you didn’t actually want to have a full-blown argument with him. Especially on university grounds. “People who can’t even tell me about lymphocytes. Now, are you done with your victimization session? Can we start, or do you wanna tell me more about how you’re burning college money and you are so superior because of it?” 

He chuckled and looked you up and down — actually looked at you. Weirdly enough, it felt like the first time that Jungkook was actually seeing you, and not the empty shell of a stereotype that he had built for you in his peanut-sized brain. “You’re really trying here, aren’t you?” He asked. 

You didn’t know if he was talking about the tutoring session anymore, but you decided not to bite. “Is that a sin now?” And, before he could say anything else, you added, “Page 124. Come on. Unlike you, I don’t have all day to sit around doing nothing.” 

He smirked. “You’re more fun than you look, princess.” 

And, for the first time, Jeon Jungkook wasn’t predictable — he actually opened the book on the page you told him to. 

~

One hour later, he was already dozing off, a small puddle of saliva accumulating on top of his chaotic notes. Still, you counted that as a victory. 

~

BAD INFLUENCE COLLECTION

[bangtanfancamp]

∴ summary: After spending a gloomy afternoon  trying to get out of your own head alone , you finally seek out your boyfriend for help

∴ masterlist

∴ one shot

∴ pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

∴ word count: 2k

∴ rating: pg-13

∴ genre: soft angst, comfort, established relationship

∴ warnings: oc is struggling with something akin to depression, it’s alluded to but not explicitly stated

∴ author’s note: this is incredibly self indulgent and was written in one go. I’ll edit later. I’d rather have it here to share sooner in case anyone needs it as much as me.

─────────────────────

“Joonie, what are you doing? Are you busy?” Your voice comes out small as you peak around the corner into his office, sweater pawed knuckles sneaking around the edge of the door frame.

He doesn’t look up at first. Perhaps you really were too quiet. Or maybe he’s just that immersed in his book. It’s not a cover you’ve seen before so it very well may be the latter. You know how he is when he has a new thing to get lost in. Ever your astronaut adrift, exploring the moons just beyond whatever new world he’s found.

He looks so at home now. Cozy in his den of words and letters. Perfectly domestic amidst lofty thoughts and paragraphs. His skin is mostly bare today, his coordinated tank top and shorts exposing a golden expanse of toned arms, long legs . They’re folded up and crossed, a little boy lost in wonder as he sits on his futon.

His hair is a warm chestnut this week, fringe too long around the lashes but too short to pull back. The way it refuses to cooperate when he brushes it out of his eyes, trickling silkily, stubbornly back into place, exactly where it wants to be, makes you want to chuckle.

He still hasn’t noticed you’re there. Too far gone in whatever his newest philosophy is to notice the way you study the dip of his furrowed brow, how it juxtaposes against the relief of his shadowed dimples, smiling even as he frowns. He finds so much pleasure in being studious— just for fun. No matter how much concentration it takes. You’ve always admired that about him. Admired everything about him really.

Clearing your throat, though you hate to interrupt him, you try again. 

“Joonie?”

 Somehow it’s even quieter than before, and as he turns another reverent page, you know you’ll have to physically intervene to interrupt him. You sigh. You hate to break the spell. He loves days like this—with the rain trickling down the window’s glass casting shadows on his focused face— he’s so happy to read when it rains.

He leans forward then without looking up to take a sip of his Earl grey, bumbling when the steam unexpectedly fogs his glasses. He laughs at himself, folding his book so it splays across the seat to mark his place and removing his glasses. It’s the first time he’s looked up. He spots you then, his face splitting into the smoothest “there’s my girl” smile you’ve ever seen.

“Hey… how long have you been standing there?” His voices comes low, warm, soothes something in you that desperately needs rest.

“Long enough to see you blind yourself with tea, it seems.” You try to smile back, but it’s a weak, floppy thing. Your cheeks can’t seem to commit so it falls a bit too flat. His brows pinch when he sees it. Something’s amiss.

“Hey… are you okay?” His inscrutable eyes analyze you, and you let him. Too tired to resist or put up a fight.

“It’s not my day, joonie.” Your voice is pitiful, even to your own ears. You’d normally wince at sounding like this in front of anyone else. But honestly, it’s okay. It’s Namjoon you’re with. You don’t have to play games or hide things. Not here. Not with him.

“Yeah?” His eyes catch yours as his palms rub the tops of his thighs. It’s an invitation. You know the gesture by now.

“Yeah… again. There have been so many of these lately,” you say, crossing the room to him, his arms unfolding to welcome you into them. “They come too often and stay too long. They’re terrible house guests. I’m tired of them, joon. I can’t seem to get rid of them.”

You’re scooped against him now, head on the space between his neck and his chest, fingers twisted into his tank top, bum in his lap, knees tucked up til you’re as small as you can get. There’s a broad palm of his on your back, fingertips on his other hand traveling the length of your arm in tender caresses as his cheek rests atop your head.

“Maybe we should start charging them rent. I bet even they can’t afford to pay that in this economy.” He offers the idea solemnly, fully committed to carrying out the metaphor that your mental health really is just an unfortunate airbnb plagued with hideously mannered squatters.

“You know, I love that about you, Joon.”

“My inability to pay rent?”

You nuzzle a sappy no into the heat of his neck,” dummy, your very real ability to never minimize things that are hard to me.”

The dip of his chest as he exhales is oddly soothing. It makes you feel like you’re being rocked and god if you don’t need to be cradled right now. “Things  have been really hard lately, haven’t they?” He wonders aloud.

“It isn’t just my perception?” You look up, eyes entirely too pitiful, too round to belong to a functioning adult. No, Namjoon’s heart goes soft as he realizes he’s looking at the eyes of a very scared four year old you. The haunted gaze of an innocent girl who never got told everything would be alright. Even without knowing any more than that, it makes him want to cry.

“No, my sweet girl, it’s not.” Closing his eyes, he presses somber lips to your forehead, scooping you close to shield you— from the world, from yourself, from all the insidious things that took root in you so long ago you’re not even sure how they got in. His wide hands grip you tighter, a feeble attempt to help hold you altogether.

It’s silent then. A few beats of quiet, only disrupted by the clumsy clatter of irreverent raindrops on glass. His caress stays steady against your soft sleeves, his languid fingers perpetually in motion as he attempts to soothe the wounds that sit just beneath your skin.

You look up at him again, unsure what you’ll find. 

You almost cry when you see the gentleness in his eyes. No judgment anywhere within them. Just something kind that stretches into the lines his eyes carve as he smiles. How you itch to gently peel his horn rimmed glasses off the tip of his button nose and kiss it. Bless him.

God, you don’t know why he’s so nice to you, but you’re so glad that he is. The smile you give back to him is wobbly, trembly, poorly constructed— but so so sincere that it makes your sad eyes shine. He bumps your nose with his, burying himself against your forehead as you cocoon into him.

You want to ask him what he’s reading, listen intently to him as he tells you all about it, but you know you can’t. You can’t decipher anything today. It all feels too heavy. You can’t carry the weight of anything new with hands already full. At this point, you’ve lived in this soft hoodie of his , the one you stole after his tour two years back because it smelled like him, for the past 3 days. You don’t even have the energy to change. With that kind of retention rate, seems there’s no point in asking your brilliant professor to explain anything.

Still, it’s always so nice to hear his voice. Especially with your ear to his chest like this. 

So you ask anyway.

“Will you read to me, Joonie? Life always feels better when you’re reading.” You press your face deep into the copper of his neck, an open mouthed kiss placed against his pulse.

“It’s all kind of theoretical,” he chuckles. He’s bashful. If holding you weren’t occupying his hands, you know they’d be nervously fiddling with the back of his neck. A nerdy boy with a too big brain hesitant to share his discoveries.

“Is it good though? You’ve already read Jung to me, and I stayed awake through that. I think I deserve more credit.” You poke his throat with your nose. You’re not genuinely affronted, it’s just nice to remind him you're competent too. Sometimes.

His sweet chuckle then is earthy and rich, all dark molasses. “True. You actually gave pretty good feedback for that too. Fine. Didn’t mean to underestimate you. Just… bear with me if it feels odd? I haven't read it before. I can’t vouch for it all yet.”

“Fine by me. I’m just here for the cuddles and my Kim Namjoon audiobook.”

He can feel your smile against his skin. It makes him press you just that extra little bit tighter against him, exhaling soft through his nose when he feels you return the gesture.

Scooping up his paperback, he adjusts his glasses where they’ve slipped down his nose, clearing his throat to project like the narrator he claims he’s not but loves to be. He’s quiet for a few more beats. You can hear pages rustling as you sink against his skin. You imagine he must be trying to find where he was when you interrupted, or perhaps searching for a passage that seems apropos. Which he chooses, you don’t know, but you can feel when he settles, just before his caramel voice sweetens the thin air of the room.

“It's the same with the wound in our hearts,” he begins. “ We need to give them our attention so that they can heal. Otherwise the wounds continue to cause us pain. Sometimes for a very long time. We're all going to get hurt. But here's the trick - they also serve an amazing purpose. 

When our hearts are wounded that's when they open. We grow through pain. We grow through difficult situations. That's why you have to embrace each and every difficult thing in your life.”

You aren’t sure when your eyes opened, not sure when they began to glaze over or when you started to cry. But you did. And you are. The salty things dripping down against Namjoon’s silken skin. Your sweatered knuckles try to knock them away, but to no avail. Your cheeks are still a wet mess and now his collarbone is too.

“Joon, what is this? What are you reading?”

“Oh… um, it’s— terribly long title but— Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon's Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart. Isn't that a mouthful?” his laugh is self deprecating, small, but still the most beautiful sound.

God, you hate how sensitive and soft you are right now. You don’t want to be sitting here at 4pm in your boyfriend’s lap crying over a paragraph in a book you've never even heard of before, but here you are.

“ is that… what the whole book is about ?”

“You know, I don’t know. I haven’t read it all yet. Jackson recommended it, I’m just now getting to it. Why - do you not like it? I can put this down. Read you something else if this is too heavy. You always like the poetry. I can grab that one anthology you like.”

You can feel as he starts to shuffle beneath you, eager to track down new reading material for you, afraid he’s scared you off, when the fluttering weight of your palm tethers him to his spot.

“No, stay. Keep reading. I want to hear the rest.”

You can practically hear him smile. Relieved. Can feel his dimples manifest without even trying. He kisses your hair, tilts your chin up to kiss you too. The complexity of bergamot and black tea making his supple lips even more bewitching than normal. The window in the corner is cracked open, the humidity it leaks in making your skin sticky as you lean against him.

He’s lovely like this. The rain soaked air mixing with his natural scent, a broad hand on your chin, warm thumb beneath your lip as you mold pliant into his kiss. He ends it with a peck to your lips, a tap of his nose to your nose, before hoisting you so close against him you just may fuse together.

And he reads. He reads until he’s exhausted. Til the rain has stopped, and you’ve drifted to rest pressed against the skin of his chest.

He folds the book shut once your breathing has stilled, his thumb marking the page as he tips you both to lay down sideways. As he extends his pinprick tingling legs for the first time in ages, you hoist yourself around him in your sleep like a koala, and he chuckles. That’s usually his move.

He kisses your hair then, traipsing fingers tenderly through the escaped bits of it that brush across your cheeks. He wonders if you know how madly in love with you he is. How often he’s wondered what he’d do without you. Today, like most days lately, your light was dim, but still kelvins brighter than anyone else’s.

He sends a silent thank you to whatever deity arranged things in such a way that he can hold you to his chest like this as the daylight saving’s darkness floods his studio office. You seemed so sad today, but he knows it won’t last forever. It’ll pass. It always does. He’ll just hold you until it does. And then some.

[suneiaaa]

2022 recap!

Hey so I want to reflect about 2022 cause it's been one hell of a year. I do this for myself, but perhaps someone else is curious. I also want to bring back writing blog posts. I hope you'll excuse me if that's difficult and ends up being just a wish though, cause nowadays it's very hard to drop the phone and stop watching silly videos. I hate how our attention span goes off the window just like that. Actually let me make that a New Year's resolution: stop with the silly videos, thank you. The only reason I don't feel guilty about it is because I know it's the way social media is designed that manipulates our attention span left and right lol

Anyways,

2022.

In summary, I finished artschool, found my first industry jobs, moved into a new flat with my partner.

That was a lot of changes in a short period of time and I feel like I'm still recovering from/processing it.

_

In January, I was working really hard on the last 8 pages of Crow of Stone for one of my projects. That was the steepest learning curve up to that moment. From having to change the plot 7 or 8 times, to thumbnailing and scribbling, to storyboards, to handling critique and applying it, to being hella stressed out because perfectionism & still being unable to guess correctly how much information 8 pages can hold. Doing Comics Is So Hard, it's so much harder than you think!!!

I also put myself in charge of putting together the InDesign document of the zine Crow of Stone was in and that was really stressful FUCK THAT!!!:) We sold our zine at Comic BCN a couple months later, that was also a nice experience.

--

Then I got a chance to catch my breath but not really because that project ending meant the start of the final project And I Did Not Know What To Do Yet

I focused on adding some more pages to Crow of Stone and make it to the deadline of the International Comic School Contest of Clip Studio 2022 that is very long to write so from now on it'll be 'CSP CONTEST'. That was very important to me! I had always wanted to participate. I couldn't make it during 3rd year (my classmate won though!!) and this year felt like my last chance. So I did that. I had already given up on the idea of making something new with the time I had so CoS would have to do! You can read it here.

We were also Kindly Asked to participate in another scolarship (?) contest and had to create several comic(al) strips as entry. That wasn't too bad even though it didn't go anywhere lol

------

A NY WAYS, there went my time for the final project lol

It must have been April by this point. At first I wanted to create a storybook with my OC Neia but I struggled to give the story a... story.

My brainstorming for a new idea started. And it was a bit desperate. What did I want to draw? Should it be a comic? What did I like to read? Should I make something according to my inspirations? Quick, what are my favorite genres? Tropes? And most importantly, what do I want to tell? Etc. 

Lots of little drawings ensued.

And I finally came up with something that I felt was 'me' enough, and cool enough, and worth exploring. Llamadas Perdidas (missed calls, or lost calls.). The plot is STILL very hard to explain so I will translate it literally below and make of that what you will...

----

May. So my final project was pitching this whole thing. Thus creating a portfolio with the premise, plot, synopsys and sample pages. Just like with CoS, storyboarding was hard, thinking was hard. Time was almost up when I decided to pour all my energy into 6 pages. I was even finishing up the cover just a few hours before my deadline. 

That moment was fun, actually. I showed my work to my professor full of self doubt and wondering if it would be enough. He looks at me like girl this is fantastic sdhsjdhsjdh 

I had barely slept that day. On the way to school I found some broken glasses in a puddle and wondered, who could have lost their glasses like that? Flash forward and I'm home and I had taken a quick nap. And I can't find my newest, goodest pair of glasses. Before paranoia got the best of me I went outside and looked for them on the street (yeah I couldn't believe it either). Halfway to my school I gave up and went back home... And I found them before that: someone had left my glasses, intact, on a windowsill. On my fucking street. I had dropped my fucking glasses on my way home. Hah. I'll admit I cried a little bit.

---

June. As an extraordinary school thing, we were visiting a publisher's installations that day. When we met up with my teacher, for some reason, he said to me something like 'Thank GOD you're here. If you hadn't come I would have killed you. Are you nervous?'

And I said 'No?'

And he replied 'You better be'

Which puzzled me for a bit, but haha... During our meeting with the publishers they actually said 'Later we want to talk to X and Sun' and OH MY GOD was I fucking shocked (laughs)

Yes, they told me they Wanted To Publish Llamadas Perdidas. They saw my pitch and thought it was very cool. So I'll let you imagine the look on my face. Finishing school and already landed my first gig and as an author, no less. Man.

I spent several days being in a weird high and processing and I'll admit I haven't processed it yet. And thus I finished 4 years of art school.

---

I've written so much so from now on it'll be an actual summary.

Dealing with my first contract, panicking a little bit... On July I also received this good news: Crow of Stone had been awarded a runner-up prize in the Manga category of the CSP contest!

This was really great!! I fucking loved reading the critique and checking the other entries and I felt very proud...!

Also!!! They contacted me from ANOTHER publisher to work on another comic project. Since comics aren't well paid I took the job too :^) Freelancing in Spain is also hella expensive like you wouldn't believe soo... No, but it's also a good project and I'm glad I'm working on it as well! Can't talk about it yet.

MEANWHILE my partner and I were LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO MOVE IN TOGETHER!! Barcelona is so fucking expensive and it was straight out impossible to find anything decent. Even in the suburbs. So it sucked for a while... but eventually we decided to live in the small town we live in now. And we could find something pretty quickly :') And we moved in in August!!! WAHOO big lifegoal achieved :')

---

Fall. I've become a freelancer (oh god finances are such a headache...) and have been working on my 2 comic projects mostly. It took a while to adapt to like working everyday but I'm proud at how hard I've been working. Llamadas Perdidas is definitely the most difficult because I want to get it right/so many demons to fight and so much to learn. I'm also happy about the commissions I've been taking and love the style I developed. In December my art school and Clip Studio invited me to have a small panel at Manga BCN where I talked about Crow of Stone. I was honored & happy, especially since I met with my professor (the same I mentioned before) and he was very happy to see me and encouraged me a lot!

----------

That's about the major events that happened. My reflections? This year has been the steepest learning curve by far and also my most successful. I hope I can grow as an author and artist and keep flourishing. Also I literally just want to pay my bills with my work lol so there's my hopes and dreams. I haven't had much time to draw for myself, planning and drawing comics is super time consuming. But I didn't want to force myself too much and properly adapt to my new life (deadlines deadlines...deadliens...dead aliens...)

Videogame wise? I played Earthbound. It was the greatest thing I'd played in the longest time. Definitely a highlight. Triangle Strategy was cool too, but I hate Roland with all my heart. Xenoblade 3 was a good game but a disappointment story-wise. I had genuine fun being hyped for it, and playing too, though. So as we say in Spanish 'you can't take away the time in which I've been dancing'. Endwalker was fine though I like Shadowbringers a bit more x) OST wise this year was super fantastic. There were more games but I forgor. Oh yeah, Paper Mario was being great but it broke on me :( Also I became addicted to Eve and blame myself for not discovering him before. It's my fucking jam I admire him a lot.

To wrap up.

Wish me luck, I'll be working on comics all year, head full, want to maybe try streaming with the mic on,aaaaahhh thank you all for supporting me ESPECIALLY those who have been there for YEARS those who have commissioned me and just. Thank you! Happy New Year 2023, manifesting good mental health for all of us.

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Yandere Komaeda Headcanons submitted by Chaos under the cut (y) Warnings: Slight nsfw, yandere behavior, stalking, mention of suicide, masturbation (not very explicit.)

Yandere Nagito probably wasn't very Yandere before you came along. The unlucky boy was probably still the funky little creep to his classmates as always but as soon as you step through the doorway of 77-B's classroom then he kind of just thought, "Oh, they're pretty." And continued with his day. He didn't think too much of you.

If you were an ultimate who walked into the classroom, he wouldn't have thought much of it besides the idea that "YoU wErE sPrEaDiNg HoPe 😩"

If you were a reserve course student, on the other hand, he would think he is slightly superior. So, if you talk to him he'll feel like he's better than you but won't say anything except under certain circumstances (ex: You ask him for his opinion of you, his opinion on reserve course, that kind of stuff. At least, he's honest :/) But keep in mind, he only really acts like this when you two first meet.

After getting to form a friendship with you (however that happened, I'll leave that up to you), his crush on you takes shape quickly.

He mostly just did small stuff that made it obvious that he liked you (whether he realized it or not.) If you weren't around he'd be asking everyone in sight if they knew where you were. He'd linger uncomfortably close to you whenever you two were together. The unlucky boy also tended to...✨follow✨ you.

Bestie, run while you still can 🏃‍♀️💨 because after he kidnaps you you're gonna be more like ♿

(I guess that's assuming you can run at all...sorry if I offended someone ._.)

When you two are hanging out, he eventually opens up to you about his illnesses and past. All of what he told you would probably be a lot to process so the only thing you can think of besides, "I'm so sorry that happened to you," is that you just hug him. Now he's shocked. You're both shocked. wOAH! Nagito doesn't move at all during the hug and probably forgot to breathe because c'mon...homie hasn't received any form of physical affection for God knows how long. He's drawing a total blank and the first words that spring to his mind are, "I'm going to marry them."

You cannot tell me this man doesn't want to get married one day. Yes, his luck sucks fat juicy butt but it's just something he craves and can be selfish about. Nagito's opinion on his want for having a spouse goes back and forth, like how the fitness gram pacer test works (I bet some of you don't even know that this is something outside of a meme lol.) He probably got this desire from seeing how bad his parents' relationship was.

Nerdy headcanon stuff you don't have to read: So, it isn't canon that his parents had a bad relationship but I imagine that they did because Nagito mentions that his mom had never complimented him and he gained a massive inheritance after his family's death. Let me explain my logic on those. Nagito's mom probably never complimented him because she didn't like or want him. I also headcanon that his parents were in an arranged marriage which is why they were so rich and why I think they had a bad relationship, because let's be honest, not all arranged couples are comfortable with one another. The arranged marriage also could've been the reason why his family was wealthy, it could have had to do with business and work. So to wrap it all up, Nagito's parents are rich because of an arranged marriage and they don't really like each other and they had a kid that neither of them wanted so now it's a broken family with a fucked up kid. I know that sounds like a stretch but that's why it's a headcanon and not actually canon lol.

After that one hug, that's when he truly sees you as some sort of ethereal Deity that he was sure he was going to wed in the future (Hell, he'd probably settle for right there, right now.) He no longer cared if you were an ultimate or not because now he saw you as something even greater. Of course, he still views himself as scum but even scum has desires that they are willing to do anything for.

After Nagito had come back to his dorm, the realization hit him that if he was going to marry you, he would have to be worthy of your hand in marriage. So, he prepares. By that I mean he starts stalking you a lot.

You two were already friends on social media so you probably didn’t dwell too much on it when you found him accidentally liking old posts. He’d go on your socials and scroll through it looking for every little bit of information he could find on you. Sometimes he'd strike gold and other times he'd dig up dirt. Nagito began talking to you a lot more so he could gain some information on your likes and dislikes. You only assumed that he was more comfortable with talking to you now because he confided his troubles in you but in reality he was planning your future life with him. Once in a while you'd invite to your dorm whether it was for hangouts, study sessions, or just sleepovers (he absolutely LOVED it when you brought those up.) The only opening he had to steal stuff is when you went to the bathroom and when that happened all he'd do every single time is go to the closet, grab another one of the pillow cases that the dorm provides, and switch them out with your current ones. When the pillowcase stops smelling like you then he just sticks it in the school's laundry basket where things like bed sheets, pillow cases, and blankets that belong to the school go.

After weeks after weeks of obtaining bits and pieces of information on you such as food you like and dislike, what your family is like (If you/your oc has one), your favorite movies, music genres, and clothing, etc., He eventually realized that he lacked three more things. Romance, experience, and…"performance."

The one thing he absolutely needed to learn first was "How to kiss." Even though no one sees his search history besides him, it was still very  embarrassing to put those words on his computer. He typed those three letters into the google machine and ta-da! A wikihow page and a YouTube video were apparently his best options. He opted for the latter and watched as a lady and her boyfriend demonstrated how to perform different types of kisses. Intimate and sexual. He feels awkward just watching this and he feels like he should practice but...on what? Luckily for him, there is a perfectly good pillow lying on his bed.

...This was definitely weird. His chapped lips were pressed against the plush pillow as he imagined he was french kissing you. This doesn't seem like the greatest method but Nagito doesn't seem to have any other choice.

The pillow in front of me was wrinkled and slightly wet from where I had last kissed it. It felt beyond awkward to kiss a pillow and imagine it was your future partner. I couldn't imagine them walking in on me as my face was buried in a pillow while moaning out muffled noises. It would be far too embarrassing but, I've faced worse. Practice should continue or else my mouth will never come as even a fraction of pleasure to my love. I approach the pillow and lay, stomach down, on my bed again. While this has been an awkward situation, my insides are starting to feel like they're on fire! It's probably just the thought of Y/N floating around in my brain. I take a deep breath before cupping my hands at the corners of the pillow and diving my mouth towards the pillow once more. I start off with a short kiss but continuously start moving my lips against, what I imagine to be, their lips. I move my bottom lip more often than my top. Imagining I'm trapping their lips against mine. Just the thought of trapping them makes me grind my hips against the mattress a little. Even though I'm soft I still let out a little whimper. Does Y/N even like it when their partner makes noise? I wasn't able to find any information on what she likes in bed so...with my luck, I'll just leave it to chance. My kisses get more sloppy and desperate. I begin swiping and swirling my tongue against the pillow thinking about just what it might feel like to make out with them. Their hot, wet mouth pressing up against mine while our tongues rub against one another in an attempt to touch each other. I moan seemingly too loud at that thought and start humping the bed. Everything feels so hot.

Maybe combining kissing practice and "performance" practice would be a good idea.

Once he starts performance practice, his browser is constantly on sex related websites. But more on the education side...he wants to know how to make you feel good and how to make himself last longer. Once in a while, he does go on the hub though so he can pretend it's you and him having sex on the screen. He tries his best to look for ones where it sounds like you or looks like you. He prefers the ones where it sounds like you so that way he could just close his eyes and imagine you and him are together. 

Just a random bonus I thought I'd add in: He got a boner during class once and sat there for like ten minutes just waiting for it to go away. So he just ended up palming himself through his pants and struggled to not make any noise. He liked to imagine you were under the desk pressing your face against his clothed crotch and just rubbing your face around that area. Luckily, he came without letting a single noise slip past his lips. Unluckily, Nagito cums a lot. So everyone could see the enormous wet spot on the crotch of his pants when class was dismissed.

He happens to have a weird habit of doing domestic and soft things with a hint of creepy. For example, one of his favorite things to do as of recently is print out a picture that has your face in it, tape it to his pillow, and fall asleep cuddling it. This sounds fine if you two were dating but… you aren't. He'll give it kisses, cuddle with it, fall asleep with it, and, of course, it's what he uses during his performance practice. He also enjoys eating meals with it and watching movies while cuddling it too. He perceives it all as practice for when you two are wed.

I'm going to assume you aren't an oblivious idiot and just say that you probably began to notice how weird he'd get around you. You tried distancing yourself a little bit but enough to still stay friends. He noticed the change in how often you'd hang out with him and his anxiety skyrocketed. Nagito would feel he had only a couple choices left. And that was to kidnap you, get rid of any obstacles that didn't allow him to spend every waking moment with you, or just flat out kill you so that way no one could have you. He already knew he wouldn't be able to even breathe without you so he'd likely kill himself as well in the process.

Author's Note: I'll probably be discontinuing that one Nagito x reader chapter 2 because I wasn't able to finish it before the school year started and I was just dissatisfied with the chapters BUT! I do have plenty of headcanons on yandere Komaeda! Message me if you want some far more nsfw headcanons because I have a lot for this guy.  I'm also very open to crackfic oneshots.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Serendipity - Part II. (Harry Styles)

a/n: hello lovelies! thank you so much for the likes and reblogs on the first part, i hope you are enjoying the ride so far! here is part 2 for yall and as always, i would LOVE to read your comments and feedbacks!

pairing: Harry x OC (Annalise Lloyd)

word count: 8k

SERIES MASTERPOST  ⚫️ my masterlist  ⚫️  come and talk to me about Serendipity!  

Serendipity (n.) Finding something good without looking for it.

Annalise finishes up the lasagna with shredding some cheese on the top before sliding it right into the oven, listening to Benji reading up the text from his book, struggling with some longer words, but then manages to put it together in his head at the end. The doorbell rings and she tosses the dirty dishes into the sink.

“Good job, Benji. Read that last part,” she smiles down at the boy, sitting at the kitchen island, his legs dangling, hanging down on the tall stool, arms placed on the counter, his eyes following the lines.

“…However… the rabbit… slept longer…” Benji carries on as Annalise walks to the door, already knowing who’s gonna stand on the other side.

“Hi girl!” Chloé smiles at her upon pulling her into a hug before she walks in.

“Hey, I just put the lasagna in,” she smiles back at her best friend.

“Oh, amazing! Hi Benji! How is my favorite little dude?” Chloé scruffs his light brown locks, the little boy smirking up at her as she sits on the stool next to him.

“Hi Chloé! Wanna see my new dinosaur?” he asks, excitement sparkling in his eyes.

“Well of course! You know I love dinosaurs!” she cheers and Benji is already about to climb off the stool, but she stops him.

“Hey, what about reading? Have you finished?”

The look in his eyes tells her the truth that he hasn’t reached the end yet, he sucks his lips into his mouth, trying his best not to smile slyly. She can’t help but chuckle and shake her head at him.

“Okay, you can go,” she sighs and he is fast to shut the book and jolt upstairs to get his newest toys. Annalise just stares after him with a delighted smile.

“So what’s up? I can tell something happened today,” Chloé starts, leaning on her elbows on the counter, eyes examining her friend.

“How can you tell?” she chuckles furrowing her eyebrows as she puts away the leftover ingredients.

“I can see that little shine in your eyes,” she grins pointing at her. “So spill it!”

Sighing she washes her hands and dries them on the kitchen towel before she leans against the counter, folding her arms on her chest.

“Remember the guy I met on New Year’s Eve?” Chloé’s eyes light up at the mention of the mystery guy Annalise met a while ago, but she didn’t tell much about him, just that they had a great time and he kissed her. She was also mad at her when she found out she didn’t even give him her number, but has gotten herself over it by now.

“The musician? Of course!”

“Alright, so there are two things about him,” she starts, wanting to come clear, but right as she would continue, Benji appears, holding his latest toy, a vicious looking T-Rex in his hands.

“Chloé! Look!” he beams, handing her the figure.

“Oh, wow! This looks so cool! Does it have a name?”

“I call him Reggie!” Benji proudly states, making both women smile, because only he would name a murderous dinosaur Reggie.

“Love it, Bud. I’m almost jealous!” Benji grins up at her, hugging the toy to his chest.

“Hey, Benji, why don’t you go watch the telly a little, so we can talk over here?” Annalise asks and he surely likes the idea.

“Bye!” he sings running off without a question and a few moments later they hear the telly turning on with whatever cartoon he has turned on this time. Chloé turns back to Annalise, eager to hear what she has to tell.

“So hot guy musician, go on,” she gestures as Annalise leans onto the kitchen island across her.

“Hot guy musician’s name is Harry Styles,” she mumbles, lowering her voice, as if someone else was around and could hear her say that. At the same time, Chloé’s eyes basically leave his sockets, widened to the point where Annalise thinks she completely zoned out.

“What the fuck?” she whisper-yells, careful not to let Benji hear her cursing. “Lis! That’s like a major point you left out!”

“I know! I just… I never thought I would ever see him again, so I thought I would keep it to myself.”

“Wait, so you met him?” she gasps, almost falling off the stool, making Annalise laugh.

“I ran into him at Tesco today. Totally randomly in the cereal aisle.”

“Oh my God, I think I’m gonna have a heart attack,” Chloé gasps, placing her hands on her chest, taking some deep breaths. “So what happened? Did he recognize you or what? Wait! You were with Benji?” she gasps again and Annalise nods shortly. “You said you didn’t tell him you had a kid, oh my god!”

“It was so fucking awkward, I wanted to die,” Annalise chuckles awkwardly. “He came up to me all nice and flirty and I was in full panic mode and he was telling me how I didn’t give him my number and then Benji ran up to me calling me mummy.”

“Jesus, I wish I was there to witness it,” Chloe snorts and Annalise gives her a look, though she sees why she finds it funny, she is just not there yet to laugh about it. “What did he do?”

“I sent off Benji to get something and tried to explain it, he was shocked, to say the least. But he was more upset about the fact that I didn’t tell him, rather than that I was a mother. He thought I was married and that’s why I ran off.”

“Can’t blame him, would have definitely crossed my mind too,” Chloé comments with raised eyebrows. “So what else happened?”

“He was desperate to get my number, like literally desperate. When I paid, I could see the panic in his eyes that I’ll flee before he could pay his stuff and come after me. Felt bad for him, so I waited for him.”

“Oh my! You were giving him a chance already!” she cheers and Annalise shakes her head.

“I was not! I wasn’t planning to do anything!”

“Oh but you were. You can deny it all you want, but I can see right through you,” Chloé snorts and Annalise just rolls her eyes at her. “Okay, so what happened then?”

“He convinced me to give him my number. But I told him I’m not looking to date, he said he just wants to be friends. For now.”

“The dude wants to fuck the shit out of you.”

“Chlo!” you snap at her, glancing in the way of the living room, making sure Benji didn’t hear her.

“What? It’s the truth!” she laughs, clearly enjoying the sight of you all blushed and nervous.

“Well, that’s not gonna happen. I’m not getting myself into anything.”

“You mean a nice, satisfying relationship with a clearly amazing guy who is on his knees already for you? Yeah, sounds horrible,” she scoffs, earning another hard look from Annalise.

“No one is talking about relationships. Maybe he does just want to fuck,” she answers with a shrug.

“What’s so wrong about that?”

“Chloé,” she sighs shaking her head.

“I know, I know. You are pretending to be a nun just because you have a kid. I get it.”

Annalise rolls her eyes at her, taking a glance at the oven to make sure the dinner hasn’t burned down yet. It’s clear that the two of them are not on the same page when it comes to Harry. Chloé understands her closed-up behavior when it comes to dating, but she thinks Annalise is taking it a little too far, while Annalise thinks it’s perfectly fine to shut every male out of her life.

Just as they settle in a short silence, Annalise’s phone lights up with a buzz, signaling that she got a text. They both turn in its direction immediately, Annalise’s stomach dropping before her eyes snap at her friend.

“Is that him?” she asks, urging her friend to check the sender. Annalise walks over and grabbing the phone from the counter her lips part seeing the name on the screen.

Harry: Hope you haven’t spiraled and regretted giving me your number just yet.

“What’s he saying?” Chloé asks in excitement.

“Just… asking if I’ve regretted giving him my number.”

“Tell him you want to suck his di—“

“Don’t you dare finish that,” she warns her, typing her response to the text.

Lis: I’m sorry, who is this?

Harry: … very funny!

Lis: Sorry, I had to. And no, I haven’t regretted it, though I’m close to spiraling.

Harry: Oh no, then I have to do something about that quickly!

“You cheeky slut,” Chloé murmurs right from behind her, making her jump, because she didn’t realize she was standing there.

“Fuck, don’t scare me like that!” she scolds her before returning to the text thread. “And I’m not a cheeky slut.”

“Yeah, you are. Totally flirting with him.”

“We have very different definitions of flirting then.”

Harry: When do you have lunch break tomorrow?

Lis: Usually around 12.30

Harry: text me the address, I’ll be there

“Shit, he wants to have lunch with me tomorrow,” she sucks on her breath looking up at Chloé, who read the whole thing shamelessly over her shoulder.

“So what?”

“Should I say yes?” Annalise looks at her in panic, feeling like a lost, nervous teenage girl.

“Oh my God! If you don’t say yes I’m gonna literally murder you, Lis!” she groans, her head falling back in annoyance.

“Alright, alright! No need to be so harsh!” She quickly turns her attention back to the screen and just sends the address without a comment. No reply comes, he just likes the message.

“I hope he fucks you in a restaurant toilet,” Chloé bluntly comments, making Annalise’s jaw drop.

“You are so vulgar, I shouldn’t even let you into this household with that dirty mouth of yours!”

“Oh come on, I know it took you years to stop cursing around Benji, I’m pretty sure one of his first words were fuck.”

“That is not true! I hate you, why are we even friends?” Annalise grimaces, grabbing her oven mittens to check on the lasagna.

“Because I’m fun, I’m honest and I babysit for you sometimes,” Chloé lists with a proud smile on her face as Annalise pulls the dish out of the oven, the warm smell of the fresh lasagna immediately filling the kitchen.

“Right, remind me of that more often, please.”

They set the table together and Lis calls for Benji, who abandons the couch without a word. Annalise has always been grateful for having such an unproblematic boy. Becoming a mother at such a young age, she had many doubts and fears about how things would turn out and the worst was that she would somehow ruin him, watch him turn into a deviant, low-life criminal. Though Benji is only six and a lot can happen in his life that lies ahead of him, Annalise has been feeling a sense of relief whenever she looked at him. The way he handles his everydays, doing what he is told to do right away without a second guess or throwing a fuss, it makes her think that maybe, probably… hopefully she did a good job raising him. As a single parent, having been one for years now, this is all she wishes above all the happiness in the world for her son. 

The three of them sit at the small dining table, eating dinner while Benji rambles about how excited he is about the field trip that’s coming up soon, his teacher is taking the whole class to the zoo and Benji is over the moon to see his favorite animals up close.

“Which one do you want to see the most?” Chloé questions, pointing her fork at the boy.

“Giraffes and the monkeys!” Benji cheers, bringing a smile to his mother’s face, seeing him so enthusiastic about it. She knows that Benji doesn’t just want to see the animals, but can’t wait to learn about them. He is a curious little guy, Annalise knows that already.

Chloé helps to clean up the kitchen and they hang around the living room a little longer before it’s nearing Benji’s bedtime. Annalise walks her friend out, hugging her goodbye at the front door, but before Chloé could leave, she turns back around and gives a hard look to Lis.

“I’m serious about this whole Harry situation. Please don’t close up entirely, alright? You deserve to have some fun, get to know him better. You could never know what’ll turn it out to be.”

“That’s what scares me,” she mumbles quietly, eyes fixated on her feet. “Not knowing how it’ll end.”

“Take the chance. Live a little. You haven’t since… graduation?”

Annalise keeps quiet, biting the inside of her cheeks. She hasn’t let herself completely relax since she found out she was pregnant. Being barely out of high school, having to deal with the fact that she would be a somewhat teenmom was shocking enough for her to regulate her whole life to the point where she couldn’t even remember the last time she actually enjoyed herself without a worry. That night in the pub, Harry managed to make her feel that sense of freedom. Like she could finally let go of everything that keeps her tied down into this strictness in her everydays. For one night, she had no worries, no fears, she just allowed herself to be… herself. Her old self for once.

“You deserve it, Lis. Don’t convince yourself that you don’t.”

She just nods without a word and lets Chloé embrace her in another hug before she walks down the stairs of the small townhouse and makes her way home with one last wave in her direction at the door.

Annalise’s proudest achievement is that even with a child and being a single mom, she managed to get a college degree and score a job she actually likes. No, she adores what she does. As a caretaker at a retirement home. She works from nine in the morning until four in the afternoon. Her boss let her have those one hours bunch up and get pushed back to Saturdays so she could drop Benji off at school easier on weekdays. Having to work on Saturdays weren’t a big deal, because Benji usually came with her, have the best time with the elders in the home while Annalise worked, they even helped him with homework. They would have lunch somewhere after work and have the rest of the day to themselves. 

Going to work the next day Annalise can’t push her excitement down, thinking about seeing Harry later that day. Arriving to the home she is immediately met with Eloise and Bart, one of her favorite pairs in the home. The old woman’s eyes light up the moment Annalise walks through the door and she greets her brightly.

“My Darling! Good morning!” she beams as Annalise approaches them. “How are you?”

“I’m splendid, how about you, Elly?”

“Fantastic. Bart promised me to take a walk in the park today, right Bart?”

The quiet man nods with a shy smile. They are quite the pair, Annalise always thought. Elly being a chatty, lively, social butterfly, while Bart was more the kind to stand behind and let his lady shine and Annalise always found that endearing. 

“How is Benji?” Bart questions shortly.

“He’s good, getting better with reading day by day,” she smiles.

“I can sense something on you, Darling,” Elly comments, narrowing her makeup-covered eyes at Annalise. “There’s a little sparkle in your eyes, want to share what that’s about?”

Annalise chuckles shaking her head. Nothing and no one can fool Elly, she reads people like she does with the morning paper, easily seeing through them without a fuss.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” she smiles, though they both know it’s a lie, but Elly lets it slip.

Annalise says goodbye to them and heads to the dressing room to get ready for the day. Though all her thoughts were about Harry in the morning, once she gets down to work she easily shifts her focus back on her tasks. The hours slip by faster than she expected, always having to do something, and before she notices, there’s only ten more minutes till the time she told Harry she’d be getting her lunch break.

She finishes up changing the sheets in one of the rooms, drops off the dirty ones at the washing room before heading back to the break room to collect herself a little before Harry arrives. She thinks it’s silly, but she feels like an excited little girl with a crush, finally seeing her favorite boy on the playground. She never bothered to lie to herself about how attracted she is to Harry, because it’s quite obvious. She’s just still not sure what she really expects from the situation on her hands.

She pulls her hair tie out of her ponytail, letting her hair fall to her shoulders in loose waves. Tapping under her eyes she gets rid of a mascara smudge, fixing up her makeup quickly before she takes one last look at herself in the mirror. She is definitely not trying to look like she wants to impress the man, but she doesn’t want to look like a mess either.

Her phone vibrates in the pocket of her light pink scrubs and fishing the device out her heart leaps upon seeing the sender of the text message.

Harry: I’m right outside.

Lis: Coming!

She pulls on her knitted sweater she wore in the morning and throws on her coat before grabbing her wallet and heading out. 

“I’m eating out today, I’ll be back soon,” she calls out at the station downstairs where some of her colleagues are seated. They all smile back at her, carrying on with their work as she walks out the double doors of the home. 

Her eyes immediately find the tall frame leaning against the little gate that separates the foregarden of the home from the street. Harry is dressed in a pair of black pants and a navy blue sweater under his black coat, a pair of sunglasses covering his intent green eyes. 

“Hi,” he greets her, his smile bringing his dimples out as he watches her walk out the small gate and stand in front of him.

“Hey. Found the place easily?” she asks with a soft smile.

“Yeah, it was all good. Ready to leave?”

“Yes, but I need to be back in an hour.”

“That’s perfectly fine,” Harry smiles and walks her over to the black Range Rover parked at the sidewalk, opening up the passenger side for her. She mumbles a quiet thank you sitting inside and once Harry is behind the wheel too, she turns to him feeling her nerves creeping up on her neck like it’s the first time they are seeing each other.

“Where are we heading?” she asks, but Harry just smiles in her way starting the car and leaving from the home.

“You’ll see.”

Harry effortlessly strikes up a conversation, asking Annalise about how long she’s been working at the home and why she chose it. She finds herself easily sharing all the information.

“I’ve been working at Golden Sunshine for about three years now. I absolutely love it, my boss is very flexible and understanding, which is kind of essential in my… situation.” 

“And why did you choose to be a caretaker?”

“I don’t know, I was always told that I’m great with taking care of others and I think I’m patient, which is great when you work with elders, especially when they have different health problems, having a hard time remembering simple things. You can’t imagine how many times I need to introduce myself to residents that’s been living there for years,” she chuckles softly. “But it’s alright. I like helping them, making these last chapters of their life as peaceful and comfortable as possible.”

Harry glances in her way with a genuine smile and he needs to push down the sudden urge to envelope her in his arms. He is fascinated by how big of a heart Annalise has and that she’s not afraid to share it.

“I bet they all love you,” he smirks, glancing at her shortly.

“I guess,” she shyly shrugs. “Though I think they love Benji more.”

Her smile fades for a moment. She can’t help but feel nervous to bring Benji up in front of Harry. She still doesn’t know for sure how he really feels about him and she is not trying to be the kind of mother who can’t talk about anything else than her kid.

Harry senses the change in her and is quick to clear the water.

“Lis, don’t feel bad about talking about Benji.”

“I just don’t know if…”

“If I want to hear about him?” he helps her out and she nods shortly. “I do. I think I made it pretty clear that I’m interested in you and that involves everything. Benji as well. I know he is a big part of your life so I wanna hear all about him. You don’t have to hold yourself back around me, alright?”

“I guess I’m just not used to… a man being interested in him.”

“I assume you had some bad dating experiences.”

“You could say that,” she chuckles bitterly.

“How did they react when they found out about him?”

Annalise doesn’t even realise that they have parked down and Harry has stopped the car. They sit there and Harry listens to her intently, genuinely interested in anything she shares.

 “Guys my age are not really ready to deal with a child. Most of them swore it wasn’t an issue, but at the end… it always was. So then I stopped talking about it, but I quickly realized that it’s not something I can just not tell.”

“Obviously,” Harry nods.

“So now I just don’t know what to do and what not to do.”

“Well, I know you’ve heard it plenty of times, but I really mean it that it’s not an issue to me in any way. From what I saw, he looks like a great little guy and though I was a little shocked last time when I met him, I’m not against seeing him again, if that’s how things turn out to be. I like kids, I really do, so don’t feel bad about talking about him. I want you to. I’m asking you to.”

Annalise is not sure how to react. She still has a lot on her heart and mind, but she genuinely believes Harry, something is just telling her that she can. Not sure what it is about him, but she is trying not to overthink it.

Moving her gaze away from him she looks out the window and sees that they are parked near a little park.

“Where are we?”

“One of my favorite places,” Harry smiles getting out of the car and Lis follows him to the trunk. 

He opens it up and there’s an old fashioned basket, one she always sees in movies when they are having a picnic. Harry grabs the basket and shuts the trunk once he has everything he needs and then the two of them start walking further into the greenery.

“I come here sometimes, just because not many people know it exists so it’s quite peaceful most of the time. Easy to stay unnoticed, ya know?”

Lis nods as they follow the graveled path that leads through the small park, squished between townhouses. It really isn’t big, she can see the other end from where they are, but there’s a lot to do and see. A nice playground takes up most of the space, but there are several benches, a little fountain a little further down the way, chess tables and even a small group of abstract monuments that’s also used as a playground by some kids. Annalise finds the place endearing and it’s like a hint of magic in the middle of the city. 

They aim for a bench, Harry sets down the picnic basket between them and opens up the lid, revealing that it’s filled with goodies.

“I wasn’t sure what you like or don’t like, so I packed a whole bunch of stuff,” he truthfully admits, making Annalise smile as she watches him roam through the basket, pulling some stuff out.

He really did think of everything. There are loads of fruits, sandwiches, all kinds with and without meat, cut vegetables, sauces, snacks, both sweet and salty. Even the worst picky eater would find something to eat in the load Harry packed for their lunch.

“You could have asked what I liked so you didn’t have to do all this,” she shyly tells him, but he just smiles at him with his head tilted.

“Wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well, I’m surprised, so you succeeded,” she admits with a soft chuckle as Harry’s fist pumps into the air in victory, making her laugh.

Annalise chooses to eat a ham and cheese sandwich while Harry chooses one with salami in it and they have the little container filled with veggies sitting on the basket so they both can reach it.

Suddenly, she can feel the guilt crawling up her back and neck, reaching all her thoughts about how bad it was that she didn’t tell him about Benji. Even with her intentions of never seeing him again, she should have told him or at least mentioned it when she saw his interest in her. It’s been a struggle of hers for so long, wanting to protect herself and Benji, but also knowing that it’s not information you should keep to yourself for too long.

“I uhh-- I want to apologize,” she speaks up, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“For what exactly?”

“For, um… That I didn’t tell you about Benji. I know I should have, but I--”

“You didn’t plan on seeing me ever again. I get it.” Glancing over at him, she sees that there’s no sign of anger or disappointment in his eyes, just a calm smile stretched across his face. “I’m fine to move on from this part. I understand your reasoning and I’m not mad at all. Would have been nice to know, but it’s all fine.”

“Are you really okay with it or are you just saying it because you know it’s what I want to hear?”

“I really mean it,” he tells her, looking at her with eyes that are completely open and she can read them like a book. She feels the relief coming over her.

“Okay. I just still want you to know that I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m ashamed of him or being a mother.”

“Doesn’t look like that.” Harry chews on his sandwich before speaking up again. “Can I ask… what’s the situation--I mean--”

“About the father?” she guesses and Harry nods. “Um… We started dating in tenth grade, he was my first… everything. First kiss, first boyfriend, first… love.”

Harry ignores the bitter taste in his mouth as she talks about loving this mystery man, but he chooses to stay silent as he waits for her to continue.

“I was planning my future with him, though looking back after the first year I was just desperately trying to hold onto the idea of being in a relationship, having a partner, it wasn’t healthy for sure.” She lets her hands fall to her lap, holding the remaining of her sandwich as she carries on. “So then, not long after graduation came the shocking news that I was pregnant. We barely turned eighteen, it was a proper shock for the both of us, I was terrified. We kept it to ourselves for a few days, trying to figure out what to do, but then I told my parents.”

She falls quiet for a moment and Harry doesn’t say a word, just lets her take her time, continue whenever she feels like. 

It’s been long since she told anyone about how she ended up being where she is, given the fact that her small circle consists of Chloé and her parents. She’s known Chloé since elementary school, she was there through the whole process, didn’t have to tell her the story. Outside that, she doesn’t go around and talks about getting pregnant at eighteen so she definitely needs to pull her thoughts together now.

“They were mad. Like, so fucking mad, I thought they are going to disown me,” she huffs with a bitter chuckle.

“Did they?” Harry finds himself asking.

“No. I could feel their disappointment for a while, but they said that they want to help me and be present. It never occurred to them to ever throw me out. I just had to deal with seeing it in their eyes for months.”

She scratches her neck, taking a deep breath and trying to find her words to get back to the story. To her story.

“So I figured out that I want to keep the baby and I told Austin about it.”

“Austin?”

“Oh, yeah. His name is Austin.”

Harry notices how she used present time, so he knows that the reason why he is not present is not because something happened and he died. Austin is very much alive, just chooses to be a douche and not care for his son.

“He tried to convince me to get an abortion, but I didn’t want to, so he had to accept my decision. Though he didn’t shy away from voicing his disapproval. Anyway, we tried to stay together, but it was just a whole lot. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to uni, I wanted to support myself financially and not live on my parents’ money, I just couldn’t deal with his behavior which was absolute trash.”

“Did he ever…?” Harry trails, hoping he doesn’t have to finish the sentence and she will know what he means. Luckily, she does.

“No. Austin never hit me, I think he is too chicken to do that, but he surely liked to give me all the pain through his words. Treated me like shit and I think he was trying to bully me into breaking up with him, so it wouldn’t be him who left his pregnant girlfriend.”

“Fucking asshole,” Harry mumbles, not able to hold himself back. He can feel the rage crawling up his neck, numbing his fingers, aching to bring justice. 

“Yeah,” she nods. “Well, he succeeded and I threw him out when I was in the eighth month. He tried to stay present for a while. He was there when Benji was born, though not in the room, but he was there. And he genuinely tried to get into the role of being a father, but I guess he just… couldn’t. He started coming over less and less until he barely even asked about Benji once a week, only seeing him a few times a month. And I still don’t know if I should have tried to reach out and help him connect with Benji and just the idea of being a dad, but… I didn’t. I just watched him break all contact with us and disappear into thin air. By the time Benji turned two, I couldn’t even tell if Austin still lived in our town or not. Haven’t heard from him in about three years,” she finishes and Harry is left at a loss of words. He can only imagine what it was like to go through all of this at such a young age.

“Though it seems like everything turned shit, I still think that I managed to bring the best out of it. A year later than my peers but I started uni, my school offered a chance for people like me to have a special timetable, manage my courses more losely than others, so I had only two days when I had to go in and I could bring Benji with me if I wanted. My teachers were super helpful so I got my degree and moved up to London when I got the job at Golden Sunshine.”

“Weren’t you afraid of moving out from your parents? I assume they helped you a lot in the beginning.”

“Oh, I was,” she chuckles softly, bringing a smile to his lips too. “I couldn’t have done it without them, and I’m very thankful for them. The moment they saw Benji I could feel them shift, I didn’t see the disappointment anymore, just the endless love and caring for him. They are in love with being a grandparent and maybe I could have stayed longer with them, but I wanted to find my own place, start my own life and not depend on them forever.”

“That’s very respectable,” Harry nods in awe. Not many would have thought that same way as she did in her situation. 

“I’m not saying it was easy at the beginning, because I had very little support system here in London. Luckily, my best friend, Chloé was already living here and she was always happy to help me with anything. She still is. But if I’m being honest I thought about moving back home a few times. Though I’m glad I didn’t. I think I needed to face this and I’m happy I didn’t try to push it too much, I forced myself to make the change before I could get too comfortable at home. Now I feel home here as well and I think Benji does too. I like to think that I’m doing a good job raising him, but I can only hope,” she chuckles lightly before bringing her sandwich back up to his mouth and she starts eating again. 

Silence comes over them, but it’s much needed and appreciated. It lets Annalise have a breather after everything she just shared, think about her words, while Harry is trying his best to process all the information he just learned. 

He thought he got to know her pretty well that evening when they met, having to talk to her for hours on end, but this just put her in a whole different lighting and though he wasn’t mad at her for not telling him about Benji before, he couldn’t have been now after hearing everything. Annalise went through more in just a few years than most people experience over a decade probably. And on top of everything, she nailed it all like not many could have. Harry envies her bravery and strength, her ability to start over after being thrown to the ground several times. He could have never done the same.

Harry feels the need to voice his appreciation.

“I know that you will probably doubt the validity of my words, but I just want to say that I think you are an amazing person. Everything you did, for yourself and Benji, it’s a miracle and it’s all thanks to you. If I can say that… I’m proud of you.”

Annalise is at a loss of words. She can’t remember the last time someone told her they were proud of her and she definitely did not expect to hear it from Harry, but here they were, sitting on a bench in a park, eating lunch together, seeing each other for only the third time ever. Though she was stubborn not to let her walls down too fast and easily, she can now feel them trembling. A lot. 

“Thank you,” she breathes out, feeling too shy to look him in the eyes, so she keeps her gaze fixated on her hands. 

Following the quite serious topic they just discussed, Harry manages to ease the mood a little, starting a conversation about things that are much lighter. He is pleased to see that they are able to pick up where they left on New Year’s Eve, talking and joking about basically anything without taboos. This is what has drawn him so forcefully to her right in the beginning. She is unapologetically herself regardless of who she is talking to or what she is talking about and it encourages him to be the same. He can so easily leave his ties back he usually feels on him most of the time in life. But not with Annalise. She can easily make Harry forget about the existence of any other human being on the planet and he is desperately trying to keep this feeling close to his heart. 

However that short hour is nearing its end quite soon and they are forced to head back to her workplace so she can make it back in time. Harry saw today solemnly as a chance to be her friend and strengthen her trust in him, but when they are sitting in his car heading back to the retirement home he finds himself having a hard time thinking about her in a friendly way. He wishes he could just easily switch it in his brain, but Annalise messed it all up so easily and gracefully that he can’t even be mad. However, he feels too weak to stand the tempting urge and not give in. 

As they are nearing Golden Sunshine Harry is chewing on the inside of his cheeks, gripping the wheel a little tighter than usually, trying to figure out what to do once they arrive. While right next to him, Annalise is having a somewhat similar fight with herself, because she genuinely enjoyed her time with Harry and though her strict side is telling her to keep her distance, her heart is screaming at her to let him get closer.

The car comes to a halt and they both just sit there for a few moments, lost in their own head, waiting for something to happen. Right when Annalise is about to say something and end this little meet-up on a neutral note, Harry speaks up breaking the silence.

“Annalise, I want to be very honest with you,” he starts seriously and she is a little taken aback by the tone, but nods.

“Okay.” Harry stares out the windshield, hands still on the wheel, as if he is trying to ground himself, have a grip of something solid in his fists to mask the nerves taking over him.

“I know that I said that I’m fine with being friends and I still think that, don’t get me wrong. Above anything and everything, I would love to be your friend. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want more, because I do. I definitely do and I’m not gonna lie to myself or you. So this is kind of my warning that… I will shoot my shots as often as possible and I’ll see this—“ he gestures between him and her nervously, “as something that I want to work on and head in a…” It’s hard for him to find the right words, as if Annalise just made his mind blank when words are usually his best friends. But not now, because all he can think about is the woman sitting next to him.

Sighing he lets his hands drop to his lap, turning to face her finally, finding her bright eyes already staring back at him intently.

“I want this to head in a romantic way, Lis. I really do, because I just can’t stop this attraction I feel and if I’m being honest, I don’t even want to stop it. I remember and understand everything you said about wanting to protect Benji and how dating has been for you, but I want you to know that it doesn’t stop me from trying over and over again.”

Staring into her eyes he is desperate to read something out of them, but for once, she looks completely blank, just blinking at him, seemingly deep in her thoughts. He almost entirely regrets opening his mouth in the first place, but then she notices the tiniest smile playing on her lips.

“Okay,” she quietly says, clearly surprising Harry with her short, but unexpected reaction to his words.

“Okay?” he repeats the word, eyebrows raised at the woman beside him. Annalise nods.

“Yeah. Okay.”

Harry repeats it again in his mind, trying to find a different meaning behind it, but there’s none. It’s an okay which is neither bad nor the best kind of reaction, but way better than what he was expecting.

“Okay,” he nods, saying the word again, noticing how ridiculous this conversation just sounded, but he couldn’t care less. That okay means more than anything to him.

“Thank you for lunch,” Annalise smiles before opening the door.

“It was a pleasure,” Harry returns the smile and waves in her way, watching her shut the door and he stays right there as she walks up to the entrance. She glances back one last time, her smile widening for a split second before she disappears inside the building.

“Harry?”

Mitch’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts for probably the fifth time today as he has been far from the studio, clearly putting his mind somewhere else than into the songs they are recording.

“What? Sorry. Zoned out a little,” he mumbles rubbing his eyes, hoping to return to the present.

It’s been just two days since he has last seen Annalise and though they’ve been staying in touch through texts ever since, he is keen on seeing her as soon as possible.

“Care to share what’s got your thoughts occupied?” Sarah chimes in from the corner of the room. Her comment is not harsh or rude, more like curious and kind of delighted. Studio sessions between Harry and the band have always been seen as more of a creative environment where they get to do anything that helps the workflow, rather than a compulsion or pressure to create. They all know it’s not how good music is born, so it has never been taken badly when someone was not at the top of their game.

“If I had a guess I would say it starts with L and ends with Is,” Adam smirks from his chair, mindlessly pushing himself to left and right, his eyes watching Harry.

“I’m just trying to figure out what to do next.”

“Have something on your mind?” Sarah questions, leaning forward to rest is elbows on her knees.

“I do, but I just don’t know where the boundaries lie with Benji. If she would let me… meet him, I guess,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, leaving his locks fall messily back, before they slowly return to frame his forehead.

“Why don’t you just ask her?” Mitch easily questions.

“I just feel like… I’m walking on eggshells. What if she takes it the wrong way?”

“What do you mean?” Adam asks.

“She said her encounters with men didn’t end well when it came to Benji. I’m afraid she would think I’m just trying to get closer to her through Benji, which is totally not the case. I want to get to know him because I know how important he is to her, so I obviously want to be close to him as well.”

“Harry,” Sarah smiles at him warmly. “Just tell her exactly this. From what you told us, she sounds like a smart woman. Worst case, she’ll say no to you meeting the kid. Just don’t take it to your heart too much.”

Harry nods knowing she is right. Fishing his phone out of his pocket he sends a quick text to Annalise.

Harry: Let me know when you have the time to talk so I can call you.

He doesn’t think she would get back to him too soon, but just when he is about to return his attention to the task on his hands, the screen lights up.

Lis: I’m free now.

“Sorry guys, I need to make a quick call. Be right back,” he excuses himself leaving the room, walking out to the empty hallway as his thumb glides across the screen, opening up Annalise’s contact. He draws a deep breath, keeps it in and then exhales sharply before he finally taps on the right button and starts the call. She picks up just after two rings.

“Hey!” Her joyful voice rings through the phone, instantly making Harry smile.

“Hi, I hope I’m not bothering you,” he breathes out.

“I literally told you it’s fine to call,” she chuckles. “How are you?” she asks and he just knows it’s not one of those empty questions. She is genuinely interested in the answer.

“I’m good, just working at the studio, but I wanted to ask you something.”

“Alright, shoot it.”

“I hope I’m not crossing any lines and please tell me if I do, but I would really love to have you and Benji over at my place for lunch or dinner sometime and I thought we could play board games. I have a bunch for times when my friends are over and I’m sure we could find something Benji would like.”

All his blood rushes to his head as his anxiety is reaching its maximum level. He has never felt this nervous about just a simple question, an invitation, but everything about Lis makes him go into a spiral, afraid he might lose what he has with her for now.

The silence on the other end of the call is wrecking him and he even goes to check if the call is still on, because he can’t hear a thing. Right when he is about to ask if she’s still there, she finally breaks the silence.

“When?” she asks shortly and that one little word means the world to Harry. For a split second he thinks he’s going to faint as all the blood rushes out of his face at the answer.

“Whenever it’s good for you. I can push around my plans in the next two weeks so I’m open to anything,” he answers eagerly.

“I’d rather not do it on a weekday, I don’t want Benji to go to bed late. I’m working on Saturdays and the afternoon is always our time, so that leaves us with Sunday,” she explains so precisely, Harry feels like he is listening to someone talk about the solution of a mathematical problem.

“Alright,” he nods following her trail of thoughts.

“He has a football game next weekend so this week would be the best for us.”

This week. This Sunday is only two days away, meaning that it would happen sooner than he expected, but there’s no way he would turn her down. Sunday it is.

“Works for me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Lunch or dinner?”

“Maybe lunch? I take bedtime really seriously,” she explains and he makes a mental note, storing it along with everything else he knows so far about her and Benji.

“Perfect. Lunch is great.”

“Are you sure it’s not too soon for you? You can tell me—“

“Lis, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it, alright? I’ll text you the address and exact time after I pushed back my meeting.”

“If you have work to do, then we could—“

“None of that,” he cuts her off again, not letting her push it around until it won’t happen. That will not be the case if it’s up to him. “I said it’s all good and I meant it. Don’t worry about it.”

After a short pause, she finally gives in. “Okay,” she sighs. “Thank you for the invitation. And for thinking about Benji too.”

“Of course. I hope you’re not taking it in a negative way though. I really want to get to know him as well.”

“You haven’t given me a reason to think of you differently,” she states confidently before adding: “Don’t make me regret it.”

-

NEXT PART 

-

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[softkuna]

Sukuna || Concert || Fic

Part 2 (oc) Part 2 (reader)

Content   ║  Sukuna x Reader 

His vocals held that pompous cockiness he was renowned for. It dripped down with the sweat along his neck and chest. His bandmates followed yet were lost in their own worlds. They let the instruments take control of them. You would never admit that you liked the music, either. It was that 90’s punk-grunge Christian parents thought lead to devil worship. The screams weren’t for the devil, no. They worshipped The King of Curses. Now you understood why.

Count      ║ 1,664 words.

Consider ║ Cursing. Sukuna being kind of being a dick. Female reader. Grammar issues most likely ^^”

Creator   ║ So uh…. I saw a photo of Rockstar Sukuna and this happened. Enjoy my self indulgence. Also… Song for Reference.

Ryoumen Sukuna positioned himself on stage. The sea of people were glued to every motion he made. You were one of those people in the front. Dead center. Your editor paid a lot of money for that spot, too, but you still wanted nothing to do with it. Sure, you needed a big story to get out of that damn plateau but this was not what you had in mind. You focused on fashion, not punk boys with eyeliner.

  His face turned to the stage, knees rocking his body to the beginning of a simple, yet effective beat. Broad, muscled shoulder curled forward, securing his zone. But then the guitar came in. A near feral grin ricocheted onto his features as it did. In an explosive leap, his feet left the ground only for the scuffed Doc Martens to slam into the stage at the second beat. Right hand whipped the mic’s wire out of his way, left arm jostled as he started to sing.

  Bitches love me 'cause they know that I can rock

Bitches love me 'cause they know that I can rhyme

Bitches love me 'cause they know that I can fuck

  Docs crashed with every step, their synchronicity with the band behind. One hand kept on the mic, the other whipped its wire out of his way. It wasn’t that he was energetic, no. He was captivating, calculated in every step, yet casual. His control over his body and the crowd… immaculate. It was a precarious balancing act that he pulled off with little to no effort at all. Steps were to the beat, his entire torso being thrown into the movements.

  He wore a white tank top with a breast pocket. The branding of it was recognizable simply by the pristine floral embroidery along the bottom and hems. It hung past the hem of black leather pants. A custom-made silver necklace beat against his chest with each toss of his built physique. You snapped a photo.

  His prowess was obvious, even for someone like yourself who knew not a single lick of rock culture. Even with the vulgar and energetic lyrics, the whirling stop-start slow-fast tempo, Sukuna perfected the music as though he were at one with it. Embodied and embraced it. The sharp smile he threw to the collage of faces before him was the only thing you needed to know that he was in his element.

  His vocals held that pompous cockiness he was renowned for. It dripped down with the sweat along his neck and chest. His bandmates followed yet were lost in their own worlds. They let the instruments take control of them. You would never admit that you liked the music, either. It was that 90’s punk-grunge Christian parents thought lead to devil worship. The screams weren’t for the devil, no. They worshipped The King of Curses. Now you understood why.

The song was strong, heady even. It buzzed throughout your mind and swung at your heart like a right hook. Each punch of the drums was exhilarating. Every kick of the bass left you wanting more. As alive as Sukuna was on stage, you were there feeling it with him.

  The concert went on, moving through each piece like a surging smooth river. It was hard to tell when one song began and the other ended. Whenever you could, you’d snap a photo. There were some good shots in there. Some of his imposing form dangling at the edge of the stage, arms wide out displaying his designer bracelets. Others when he’d toss his entire spine back. The best, though, were when he’d come face to face with the guitarist, his brother, in a beck and call. In their wardrobe, they were a delicate balance of blacks, whites, and coral.

  A certain thrill came about you as you realized the wardrobe of each member reflected their position. They weren’t to outshine him, but they all had a theme. Everything must have been custom ordered and hand tailored. Their entire image was just as important to the show as music. Every photo was set up to illustrated the complementing lights and darks they had set up on stage, a living and breathing portrait of youth.

  You couldn’t help but notice how every time you’d point the camera at him, he’d lock those brilliant eyes onto yours. He recognized you before. How could he not? Out of everyone in the front row, you were the only one wearing some preppy knit dress. He never would have expected to see a face like yours in his crowd. Some rising reporter with a side blog. He never cared about press, but you’ve been making a name for yourself due to your precise analysis of social culture and clothes. He actually thought your last article on street fashion was interesting and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t gawk at your Instagram after. All in all, he kept his glances for your camera instead.

  The stage lighting shifted, illuminating the beads of sweat sparkling along his tatted skin like diamonds. The unnatural redness in his eyes blew an intense gaze across the still crowd. They came to a complete stop. Unease settled into your stomach. This was your cue to go. You knew what would happen next and you weren’t ready for when it did.

  His foot tapped. The guitar started. A mosh pit rioted.

  It was a concert tradition according to the fan page you looked at moments before walking through the door. ‘If you don’t leave with a black eye, did you even go to a Two Faced concert?’ they’d ask.

  Your frame was shoved against the rail, knocking the wind out of you. Bodies collided behind and you felt trapped. Your lungs squeezed and your hands scrambled for your bag. Inhaler. Inhaler. Tightness inflamed your chest as a particularly bulky man squeezed you into the rail. Your hands clasped to inhaler, but before you could press it to your lips, another body collided into you. It clattered a few feet over the rail, hitting the stage. Fuck.

  From the corner of his eyes, he saw it happen. Panic painted across your face as you hauled your torso over the rail. Your arm reached for what was dropped before it immediately covered a coughing fit. What idiot would come to his concert an, his domain, and expect to just come out unscathed? It was your own damn fault if you got the wind knocked out of you, but he had to give you credit for trying. Just as he was about to look away, someone grabbed the back collar of your dress.

  Sukuna wasn’t one of those artists who genuinely cared about their fanbase or paparazzi. That was for the other members to do. It was well known, too. He didn’t indulge in pictures if he didn’t want to or wasn’t on stage. He didn’t sign anything without a check. No one knew music like he did. No one performed like he did. No one mattered like he did. Whatever it was that overtook him then, he wasn’t sure, but he dropped the mic. A sharp blare washed over the P.E. system. All eyes turned to him. Bandmates faltered for only a moment.

  Two steps back. Sprint. The tips of his shoes left the edge of the stage. Ryoumen Sukuna took flight. Arm reached for him, stopping his prized body from colliding with the harsh concrete below. The hand on you left, desperate to make contact with The King of Curses. The band went on, the crowd’s scream piercing the air as they swayed the singers body this way and that. You clambered over to grab the inhaler, took a hit, and dove for an exit.

  That’s how you found yourself where you were now, in a backstage hallway, staring directly into the fierce gaze of the lead singer. He smelled of sweat and cedar. A brow rose, hands stuffed into unimaginably tight pockets. Confidence wasn’t lost through Sukuna’s stature; shoulders back, weight slightly on one leg more than the other. What was lost, however, was the excitement. In fact, you felt like studied specimen, eyes scanning your limbs and stopping on your ribs. The bruise forming under your dress seemed to flare in response. His tongue clicked disapprovingly.

  “What do you want? You’re not some rabid fan.” His voice was smooth as a sip of whiskey. He already knew the answer. For a moment you wondered why he didn’t just call for guards. He wondered the same thing. Just as he wondered why he leapt off the stage. Not that he regretted the act seeing as it got him trending for the umpteenth time.

  Sukuna had become accustomed to certain responses. Some offered him their bodies in exchange for a few moments of his time. Shit like that was beneath him. If he wanted a quick fuck and a column, he’d find it himself. His free time was his and that was non-negotiable. So, he almost always cut them down to size. It didn’t matter to him if he made them cry or threatened their careers, he’d always say no. Pictures? No. Signature? No. Coffee? Get the fuck out of his face. Attention and fame may have been his drug of choice, but desperation and disrespect were one in the same and you do not disrespect the King.

  “No. I didn’t even know who you were until 12 hours ago,” you admitted with a shallow breath. You stroked his ego like velvet rubbed the wrong way. He opened his mouth, ready to toss you out then and there. The look in your eyes was enough to shut him up. Hunger. And he was your dish of opportunity. “However, I do want an interview, maybe even film you for an expose,” Your hand reached for his.

  His mouth pulled into a beautiful predatory grin. This one had ambition.

  “I’ll allow it.”