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psychic-winged-turtle · 1 year ago

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Jude Totally Doesn't Have a Crush

Jude has done many stupid things in his life. He’s taken all kinds of drugs and paid for them in all kinds of ways, he makes risky decisions, he’s gotten into fights that he had no chance of winning, he’s even been shot a few times. None of that holds a candle to the kind of stupidity that he’s currently considering.

You see, the thing with Jude is that he does lots of stupid, reckless things to his body, but he’s always had the wherewithal to keep his emotions and his heart out of it. In his mind, a ruined body cannot truly be ruined more, so he might as well use it for what makes him feel good; but his heart… that is something that he protects. Trust and love and hope are all special things that he holds close to his chest where no one can dirty it up or crush it, so when he looks at David and makes him laugh - when the sound fills his stomach with butterflies - he knows he’s in deep shit.

If Jude were a more stable person in a more stable position, this may have been a good thing. David is a nice guy. He has a nice laugh and a nice smile. He has at least a few morals (which is more than some of Jude’s previous hookups can say). But the thing is, Jude is not a stable person in a stable position. Jude is an eighteen year old drug addict who has been traveling around the United States primarily on foot or by hitchhiking, and who’s primary source of income is robbing the people he goes home with.

Now, once again, this wouldn’t be a problem if it was some sort of physical attraction that he could just fuck out. No, it’s more like he’s started imagining hanging out with David at coffee shops and wanting to talk to him about his interests. This is not a territory that Jude often finds himself in, so he is at a bit of a loss as to what to do. If this were anyone else, Jude would probably have just gone with his regular strategy of hooking up with him and hoping the feelings go away. At the very least then his feelings would have resulted in something fun. Unfortunately, the situation is a little more complicated than that. The reasons that it is complicated are as follows:

David is a college student

David is a bit of a goody-two-shoes

David has a boyfriend

From what Jude has learned about David during their brief conversations at a few different parties is that David grew up in a relatively conservative household that expects a lot from him. He keeps his grades and appearances up to please his Dad, and on the side has a little fun of his own at smaller parties. Originally, Jude had thought David’s Dad sounded like an asshole, but David seems to respect him, even if he complains about some of the restrictions that have been put on him.

He also has learned quite a bit about David’s boyfriend. His name is Leo, he has blue hair, and David can talk about him nonstop for hours if given the opportunity. When Jude asked if he was single, David went on a thirty-minute tirade bragging about how his boyfriend is the smartest guy around, is dedicated to his studies, and is apparently very funny. At a later party Jude actually met the guy and was slightly sour about the fact that he was everything David said he was, and more. On top of having an incredible personality, he is also incredibly attractive. If it weren’t for the fact that the two seem to be very committed to each other, Jude might have tried to insert himself for a nice night. Their commitment, however, does not stop him from flirting with them at any opportunity. At the very least, they don’t seem to mind, even if it isn’t getting him anywhere.

Anyways, this was a very long-winded way of saying that Jude has a massive crush on David and perhaps Leo, and Jude has no idea what to do about it. He supposes that he could stop sneaking into college parties so that he’d stop running into them… but what would be the fun in that?

“Wait… you’re a nursing major?” Jude asks as he looks up from pouring more punch into his cup.

“Uh, yeah? I didn’t realize I hadn’t told you that.” David says as he takes the ladle from Jude. “Is it really that surprising?”

Jude thinks for a second about how David is as a person before answering. “I guess not… I just always figured you were in for business or something.”

“Are you serious? Me? Business? No way in hell. That’s my Dad’s thing.” David replies with a jokingly offended tone.

“Yeah, he’s way more interested in sticking people with needles.” Leo jokes from behind them.

“Oh yeah? Is that something you’re into?” Jude jokes with him, raising an eyebrow at David.

David, of course, immediately goes red and stutters around several statements before landing on “Don’t make it weird. And I’m not!”

Jude and Leo laugh at David’s embarrassment. He is incredibly easy to fluster, it’s one of the things that Jude likes about him. This is why he adds on, “Of course, David, I understand. You wouldn’t want to mix business with pleasure.”

David makes a sound that is somewhere between the noise a deflating balloon would make and the sound of a chicken who has been quite offended. While David is still working on using his words, Leo moves to guide the three of them away from the punch bowl and through the crowd of thematically-dressed college students. This is a smaller party than Jude would usually attend, considering he usually has to sneak in. This time around, however, Jude was directly invited by David and Leo to a Halloween party. It makes for a different environment that Jude is used to, but he’s still finding it to be pretty enjoyable, even without loud music and alcohol. The punch bowl isn’t even spiked.

Leo leads them to the backyard where a few games have been set up. It’s a clear, crisp night with a full moon. It would be ideal trick-or-treating weather if Jude was still young enough to do that.

“Do you want to play cornhole?” Leo asks, approaching where the two boards are set up.

“Isn’t that a two-player game? What’s David going to do?” Jude jokes.

“I’ll be the referee.” David says. “Make sure neither of you are cheating.”

As Leo picks up his beanbags he asks, “Is it even possible to cheat at cornhole?”

“I am, like, 99% sure that Jude can cheat at any game he plays.” David says with a small, joking glare in Jude’s direction.

“You make it sound like I cheat often!” Jude says with mock offense.

David and Leo reply with a synchronized “you do!” and then the three of them are laughing again. It is times like these that Jude feels those butterflies. David and Leo make him feel so light and happy. It’s like he’s a balloon that they’re airing up, or maybe like they are the wind under his wings. Hanging out with them makes him feel like he’s floating. Every time they hang out it hurts a little more when he has to leave and face reality.

Every time he leaves a party, or he shows up to one that they aren’t at, he feels this gnawing sense of emptiness in his chest. Jude isn’t a lonely person. He likes traveling and meeting people and moving on before he has the chance to grow roots. It’s all he’s ever known and it’s all he’s ever wanted, so he doesn’t know why now of all times is when his heart has decided to feel so… heavy.

Jude has to focus on laughing so that it doesn’t turn into crying. He wipes away a few tears that managed to squeeze out, but they look like happy tears so no one bats an eye. It’s weird that the empty feeling has started to pop up while he’s with them. Sometimes it comes on so suddenly that it feels like it's choking him. He’ll just be having a good time with David and Leo, and suddenly it's like every anxiety that he has ever pushed down decides to crawl back up and strangle him. He’s never been afraid to be alone, not like this.

“That’s 4 points for Leo!” David announces dramatically. “This puts us at 4-0!”

“Yeah, yeah, wait until I get a chance to throw!” Jude says. He isn’t entirely sure that they are playing this correctly. He is sure that David is absolutely not scoring it correctly. Regardless, it is a lot of fun, and a great distraction from the strange panicky feeling that he’s been getting recently. He tells himself it’s a side effect of withdrawal… even if he should be over the worst withdrawal symptoms by now. Thirty-eight days clean may not be a lot, but it is a record for him.

Jude throws his beanbags, easily landing all three in the hole. “See?”

“What?! How the hell do you throw so accurately?” Leo exclaims at the same time as David yells: “9 points!”

“I don’t know… practice?” Jude says as he picks up the beanbags.

“You’ve practiced cornhole?” David asks.

“No, not cornhole. Just… throwing things, I guess.” Jude shrugs.

“That is an incredibly unsatisfactory answer.” Leo says. “But I’ll let it be, considering I’m about to do much better!”

“Sure you are.” Jude rolls his eyes before grinning over at Leo. “Let’s see if you can back up your words.”

As it turns out, Leo cannot back up his words. As David would say, Jude ‘swept the floor’ with him. By the end of the game, when they head back inside for more punch and snacks, Jude has managed to push down the gnawing emptiness that seems to love hovering at the edges of his mind. Instead, he focuses on having a good time with Leo and David. It’s meant to be a nice party with his friends, and so he’s going to make sure he makes the most of it.

At the end of the night, after they part ways, he holds it together long enough to walk to a nearby park. Jude recalls sitting down on a bench, but he doesn’t quite know when he started sobbing. He hates that this keeps happening, especially when he doesn’t know why. With his face in his hands, Jude thinks about all the fun he just had. It was nice. He had a good time. David and Leo even mentioned that they’d like to hang out with him again soon, so he doesn’t know why he feels like this. It’s like every time he hangs out with them, his brain convinces him that this will be the last time he sees them, but it’s not like that anymore. He’s not in a foster home where he could be torn away from everything at the drop of a hat, he’s not on the run from anyone, the only reason he would leave Florida is if he chose to leave. So why does he feel like this?

Jude doesn’t have the answer. He stays in the park until he manages to start taking deep breaths again, then he goes to find a place to rest. There’s a homeless shelter about a mile from where he is now, but it is likely to already be filled at this time of night. At least it's a pretty night. Jude has never minded sleeping under the stars.

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Uhm... this was meant to be a cute halloween oneshot and then it became definitely not that.

Somehow this turned into the first chapter of a slowburn friends to lovers fic where Jude has unaddressed abandonment issues.

#Jude Brian #David Wilson #Leo Lancaster #jeremiah lancaster

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kumeko · 2 years ago

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Title: the art of letting go

A/N: For the @anotherstepforwardzine! Hilariously, after writing this zine I actually ended up visiting Amalfi, so it’s funny seeing the ways I was right and wrong in my descriptions for this fic.

Summary: Shamir half regrets agreeing to hitch-hiking across Europe with Catherine—she liked plans, liked organization, and Catherine had never been that kind of traveller. Yet, she couldn’t deny there were some perks to travelling with her handsome roommate.

…

By the time Shamir and Catherine arrived in Amalfi, Italy, Shamir was tired and dusty. Hitchhiking across Europe sounded great in theory, when they’d poured over maps in their cramped shared apartment in New York. There was barely enough room there for them to stand, let alone breathe, and any way to save an extra cent (or euro) was a godsend.

It wasn’t like they had a real purpose in Europe; they’d just wanted to get away. Away from the stifling heat that their dying AC couldn’t handle. Away from the infinite crowds that lined their subway routes and the constant, sickly-sweet smell of sweat. Europe was the land of small countries and smaller people. No one ever complained about the heat in Switzerland.

Shamir wished she’d taken five seconds to think about everything before falling for Catherine’s speeches. Despite being an impulsive idiot, she was also oddly charismatic when she wanted to be, and she always wanted to be when she dragged Shamir into her plans. Shamir hadn’t even expected to live with her as long as she had; New York was supposed to be a side stop to bigger and better things, but sometimes life had other plans.

And now, life had conspired to bring her to Amalfi via the brig of some small-town lorry driver Catherine had befriended. Shamir glared at the truck as Catherine said her goodbyes to the sixty-year old driver from Kazakhstan. The woman’s smile was as broad as her heart, and despite the language barrier, she and the driver had laughed for the entire journey.

Shamir never wanted to hear Catherine laugh ever again.

A small honk filled the air and the driver pulled out. Still grinning, Catherine jogged over, her duffel bag slung over her large frame. Shamir had long suspected some Nordic ancestry in her companion; the woman was a giant, no matter where she went.

“See?” Catherine crowed, looking far too smug. “What’d I tell you? We got here quicker.”

“I’ll handle transportation next,” Shamir replied bluntly, rolling her head to get rid of the cricks. The ride was marginally better than a bus. Marginally. “And location. We’re not going to a tiny village in who knows where.”

“But that’s where all the fun is,” Catherine laughed, not looking the least bit ashamed or off-put. Shamir was certain the woman hadn’t been born with an ounce of humility or shame. “Everyone goes to the big cities, but the smaller ones are more fun. They’ve got the best bars.”

“Best? You just want some grimy dive, and you can find that in a big city just as easily as a small one,” Shamir countered, rubbing her shoulders. She glanced around the road they’d been dropped off on. Buildings crowded the street like jagged teeth. Streetlights glowed softly, casting a golden light on everything. In the twilight, the city had taken on a romantic look. “The hostel shouldn’t be too far, I think.”

Catherine snorted. “We’re not sleeping now. We can find that later.”

Shamir paused before looking up at Catherine in disbelief. Every part of her was tired; just where did this monstrous woman get her energy? “You can’t be serious. We’re not sight seeing now.”

She guffawed. The sound echoed in the streets. “Hell no. We’re getting a drink.”

“A drink.” Shamir wasn’t sure why she was surprised.

“Yeah, don’t you need one too?” And without waiting for a response, Catherine led the way, as confident as ever. She didn’t even know what street they were on. Didn’t know any of the stores hidden in the nooks and crannies of each alley. And yet, she walked like she knew her destination.

All things considered, Shamir should have just turned away. They’d get lost and drunk and she wasn’t in the mood to wake up in some park, disoriented and with a splitting headache. They were in their late twenties now; the time for partying was long over.

Yet, her feet refused to listen to her brain, and maybe Catherine had infected her long ago with her brash impulsiveness. It was the only reason Shamir could have even agreed to a trip with Catherine, as they were the worst companions in so many ways.

Like a bloodhound, Catherine found the seediest pub in town. It was an almost impressive talent. Shamir wrinkled her nose as she stepped inside, her senses immediately assaulted by the sharp scent of smoke and a dozen strong ales mixing together. There was an acidic smell beneath it all and she didn’t have to open the bathroom door to know what she’d find in there.

“Ciao,” the barman greeted, his dirty brown hair tied back in a rat-like ponytail. There were scars on his face, like he’d been in plenty of fights, and she wondered just how many were from running this pub.

Even the clientele looked rough. In the center, Shamir spotted a stocky blue-haired man smiling roguishly at his companion, a slender dark-haired man. In a corner, there was a raven-haired man, his shoulders tense, his narrow eyes sharply flicking to her before returning to his drink. Even the waiter, his ochre skin glowing warm in the dim light, eyed them suspiciously, as though ready for a fight.

“Got anything strong on the tap?” Catherine asked, immediately making a beeline for the bar. She dropped her bag carelessly on the ground.

The barman didn’t even hesitate before slipping into English. “Depends on how strong yer looking for.”

The accent didn’t surprise Shamir. The fact that it was Irish did. It was a pub full of misfits. No wonder Catherine had found it. Slipping next to her friend, she carefully set her bag in between her legs. If there was a pickpocket among the clientele, they’d find her to be a harder target than her companion.

Catherine grinned, resting her arms on the counter as she leaned closer. “Real strong. You’re not from around here either?”

“Came here just a few years ago.” The barman pulled out a glass and turned back to the row of bottles behind him. His fingers brushed their labels lightly before settling on one. “Not on tap, but I think you’ll like a grapa, then.”

“Is it strong?” she asked eagerly.

He smirked. “Very.”

“Great.” Catherine tapped the spot next to her. “And something boring for my friend.”

“Whisky,” Shamir interjected, before Catherine could order her something ridiculous. “On the rocks.”

“Got it.” The barman glanced over his shoulder and smiled. “What brings you two out here?”

“Vacation,” Catherine answered, her eyes on the prize as the barman finally placed her drink on the counter. In a rare show of self-restraint, she didn’t down it in one go. “Ohhh, nice.”

Shamir rolled her eyes. Every stranger between here and England knew of their trip at this point. Ignoring the banter, she picked up her own glass and turned around, leaning against the bar as she took in the rest of the bar. It wasn’t that late, but the traffic was still slow. Whatever reason this bar wasn’t popular, it wasn’t because of the drinks; a single sip, and Shamir sighed in satisfaction as the whisky relaxed her. Reluctantly, she had to admit that the alcohol did hit the right spot.

Even a stopped clock was right twice a day.

“So?” Catherine turned to her now, as though hearing Shamir’s thoughts. She always did have an uncanny knack for that. “Was I right or was I right?”

“It’s nice, but it would have been nicer with a hot shower and a bed.” Shamir had a policy for being honest, though something about Catherine tested that. Her friend’s head was too big as it was, and sometimes she had to knock her down a peg or two. Rolling the glass in her hand, she added, “We’re behind schedule.”

Catherine chortled. “It’s a road trip. There isn’t a schedule. Have you ever gone on vacation?”

“This is why you know nothing about the places you’ve gone to,” Shamir muttered, clicking her tongue. “You actually have to plan things. Besides, we can’t travel forever. Some of us have jobs to get back to after.”

“And you don’t have to get back for a while.” Catherine shook her head sadly. “It won’t kill you to relax.”

“And it won’t kill you to be serious.”

This wasn’t a serious fight by any stretch of the imagination. They’d had this argument—no, squabble—many times before. By now it was more of a habit than a discussion.

Catherine pursed her lips, thoughtfully staring at her drink. “Alright, how about this. You let go tonight, and I’ll follow your schedule tomorrow.”

Shamir regarded the proposition suspiciously. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Catherine grinned. “Not like I know much about this town anyways. You take the lead.”

Somehow, that didn’t feel like all of it. Still, there wasn’t much of a reason to reject the deal. Hesitantly, Shamir nodded. “Alright.”

“Great.” Catherine knocked back her drink in a single gulp and slammed the glass on the table. “Bring more shots over there.”

Shamir narrowed her eyes. “Over where—”

It was too late. Catherine sauntered off to the blue-haired stranger before Shamir could even finish the question. As he looked up at her, she gave a trademark cocky smirk and stated, “You look strong.”

The stranger appraised her and shot back an identical grin. “So do you.”

“Great.” Catherine pulled over a chair and leaned against the table. “Let’s see who’s stronger.”

Her opponent was already clearing out the table before she sat down. His green-haired friend sighed tiredly, picking up his mug and moving to another table. “Don’t break the bottles again. We’re broke, remember?”

Shamir felt a sympathetic bond with him. They didn’t have the money either. And what’s worse, the blue-haired man looked like the exact brand of idiot that a drunk Catherine was: brash and eager and quick to a challenge.

Catherine and the blue-haired man grasped hands, readying for an arm-wrestling match. She cracked her neck. “Let’s make this interesting. Loser drinks a shot.”

“You’re on!” her opponent answered, rolling back his shoulders. “But I get stronger when I’m drunk.”

“So do I.”

Shamir rubbed her forehead. Well, if this was going to be her night, then she might as well make it interesting…while getting some old-fashioned revenge. Standing next to the blue-haired man, she rested a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll bet $20 on him.”

Catherine laughed. “Your funeral, Shamir.”

Shamir shrugged and leaned down. “A tip.” She peeked up, enjoying Catherine’s surprised jaw drop. “She has an iron grip, but she’s really ticklish if you rub her knuckles.”

If Shamir was going to “let go” tonight, then she might as well take advantage of it.

#cathmir #shamir nevrand #catherine fire emblem #fe3h #shamir x catherine #fanfic

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zahrowl · 1 year ago

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The Rewrite:

Episode 1: The Arrival

Before the Beginning part can still be kept — it’s interesting to see how Azicrow were before Crowley’s fall and how Az kind of caused it. It would be better however if there was some inkling of Aziraphale being guilty in modern times about how he thinks he caused it, as that would contribute to his desire to change Heaven and make Crowley an angel again.

Gabriel arrives at the bookshop naked with the box. Let’s have a shot of Aziraphale opening the box, swatting away the fly that zooms into his face from inside the box (and commenting about it, just a simple “Ugh, shoo, fly!”, maybe miracling it out the window for good measure), and then a shot down into the empty box.

The angel-demon miracle thing… my friend wishes that was Gabriel’s doing. It’s like okay if Neil’s trying to set up something for next season but like, why did they just handwave it away in the last episode. Idk I feel like it really didn’t need to happen, so let’s not have it happen.

Episode 2: The Clue

The Job minisode is… fine? I guess.

Honestly idk what to do with the rest of this episode. Maybe a more organic friendship with Nina and Maggie would be nice rather than whatever awkward thing we got. And while we’re at it, a more organic friendship with them and Azicrow before they start giving unsolicited advice about their relationship and lack of communication.

Episode 3: I Know Where I’m Going

The grave-robber minisode is actually quite good on its own. Elspeth and the not-doctor were actually well-written humans!

The number one thing that would improve this episode is the bartender at the Ressurectionist actually describing what Bee looked like. Azicrow would be like “wait a second, they sound familiar” and Crowley could ask Bee what they want Gabriel for with this new info. Bee hesitates, a bit of back and forth between them and Crowley, but they eventually give up the reason with Crowley’s dangling of a clue of Gabriel’s location.

Sure, the Bureaucracy reveal comes a whole half season early, but they all still don’t know why Gabriel lost his memories, why Heaven is looking for him, and how to restore those memories.

Bee is here to talk about their weird human feelings for Gabriel with Crowley. It’s not an admission of love on their part yet, mostly because I don’t think they actually understand what love is. Maybe they say that it’d be a shame to lose the only person they can complain with about managing Hell.

Episode 4: The Hitchhiker Every Day

We’re cutting out the whole magic show business from this episode. It doesn’t contribute to our themes. If we want a minisode here, it should be something that builds up Az’s motivation to change the way Heaven is run, or maybe show Crowley’s struggles with being a demon, or Az’s indoctrination of “we’re the good guys, hell’s the bad guys”. Personally, idk what situation that would be, but like, at least have something that contributes towards Az’s decision in ep 6.

Bee can do the miracle that hides Gabriel from heaven and hell now, cos who’s gonna question the miracles of the Duke of Hell? Also, this means Gabriel won’t be confined to the bookshop anymore!

Since we have the Bureaucracy thing revealed, it would be fun to have Bee and Jim interacting. Maybe Bee tries to recreate old memories with Jim to see if he remembers anything, maybe they take some time to learn what love actually is? Maybe we can do this by actually making Nina and Maggie relevant again??? Or honestly just with any better written mortal tbh. It doesn’t have to be purely based on romantic love, it can be an exploration of all types of love. Adam might know something about that. We miss the Them :(

This would be a great opportunity to expand on Bureaucracy’s shared history and have Bee learn to love Gabriel when his memory of that shared history (like complaining about managing angels and demons) is gone and can’t be relied on as a way to relate to each other. Let’s see Bee get frustrated with the naive, bumbling idiot that is Jim, see Jim get a bit upset that he can’t totally remember the memories Bee said they shared, let’s see them have a fun time on Earth together in spite of that. Maybe reiterate Jim’s speech about everything feeling alright as long as you’re with a certain person.

As for Azicrow, they could plan for a way to sneak into Heaven to get info on Gabriel. And, you know, maybe we could have AN ACTUALLY GOOD HEIST SCENE??? With SUSPENSE??? Maybe we can,, oh you know,,, use that little miniature Crowley from the minisode to sneak him into Heaven??? Ratatouille moment fr (or yknow, demon in your pocket moment)

A Critique of Good Omens Season 2 by 4 Random Girls (+ for fun, a rewrite of S2's outline)

Did you feel after watching GOmens S2 with your friends that this season could have been… better?

I was excited for S2 and I had some high expectations due to spoilers (yes, I am the kind of person to seek out spoilers to raise my personal excitement for the show). But after a watch party with some friends that had me gaslighting myself into denying the letdowns of this season (I was going through the first stage of grief okay), I’ve come around a few days later to bring a list of problems, gripes, and some suggestions for improvement for Season 2.

(EDIT: I reposted this bc I originally tagged Mr Gaiman according to my friend's suggestion. That was insensitive of me, I'm sorry. Thanks to the person who commented and knocked some sense into me, even if I did get a severe increase in heart rate and my hands were literally trembling after seeing your comment)

Mr. Gaiman, if you're reading this somehow, please don’t take any of this criticism as a personal attack. Like, you’re a prolific writer, we’re just 4 girls with opinions, so I don't think you'd really need to take much of these words to heart. I know I wouldn't.

And to the fandom, well, if you enjoyed S2, good for you! I enjoyed it too! If you enjoyed it in a way you understood but I didn't, that's fine too! This is just the perspective of like 4 girls on some writing decisions we found kinda weird. We all have opinions, we can express those opinions as long as we're not attacking anyone.

Also, spoilers for S2 of course.

Anyway, let’s get to it shall we, starting with the most controversial of decisions in episode 6!

Controversial reveals in episode 6:

Halo Ex Machina

Like for god’s sake if you wanna pull that out last-minute, at least show it being used in an earlier episode in a flashback from the war

Ineffable Bureaucracy

Aziraphale agreeing to be the Head Archangel to change heaven with Crowley

Ineffable Divorce

More annoying things in S2:

The purpose of the body swap in S1 feels undermined in S2. Like, that was to scare Heaven and Hell into thinking that they’ve grown so powerful that they’ve made their own side. Shouldn’t Heaven and Hell be like, a little more cautious with these two after agreeing to leave them alone?

The Divorce really feels like it’s written solely for the purpose of milking a certain reaction from the audience rather than a natural development for Azicrow’s relationship. Also, with the amount of times these two ‘break up’, it gets boring, okay

Nina and Maggie were just kinda,, there. I’m not quite sure what themes they’re here for, I was lowkey bored anytime they got on screen. Maybe Nina’s abusive relationship mirrors Aziraphale’s relationship with Heaven, but like, idk it’s really not the best mirror. I don’t care about them, okay, they didn’t need to be here and if they did, at least cut down a bit of their time please? The part at the end where they stayed to help was kinda ehhh, the part where they had to tell Crowley about his feelings was even more eh. I’m not sure why they cared so much to tell Crowley about it. I don't hate them, I just wish they could have been written better.

Crowley just waltzing into heaven. In S1 they were undercover and it’s so nervewracking. This time a bunch of demons just see him go up into heaven and don’t even question it. And then a bunch of archangels just come down the lift with him. Like what???

The miracle that hid Gabriel was kinda handwaved away? What was up with that

What was Bee’s plan with storming the bookshop. Wouldn’t that attract a lot of unnecessary attention from the demons and angels? Is discretion not a thing?

They never really explained what was up with Az’s bookshop and the vampire entering rules like???

Angels and demons really do feel like much less of a threat this season somehow

Guess who had “I’ll Follow You Into The Dark” on their playlist? Guess who didn’t follow someone into the dark.

So, I challenged myself to rewrite S2 to make the reveals a little less jarring than them all coming at you one after the other in episode 6 like Voltaire tormenting Candide.

Things we’re building up to:

Aziraphale’s desire to change the way Heaven is run, thus accepting Metatron’s offer

I know the Job episode was a thing, but again, that was only one scenario and not a consistent running theme throughout the season. The Victorian doctors do not count — that’s Aziraphale learning to become more flexible with his morality like Crowley. It doesn’t have anything to do with changing Heaven except maybe showing how much better Crowley is than everyone/j. The magic show definitely doesn’t count.

Also to all those ppl who say that Aziraphale has religious guilt or is going through religious trauma or smth along those lines… idk it feels more like they’re projecting than that being an actual thing shown by the show. If that was the intention, it doesn’t come across like it well enough

It might be believable that Az’s indoctrination by Heaven might cause him to think that being in charge would improve things, but like,, that needs to be actually shown in the show. Show us his doubts after the end of the world. Give us better foreshadowing of his concerns over the past 6000 years, how he’s seen Crowley struggle with being a demon/how he imagines being a demon is like/how heaven has indoctrinated him. Otherwise it’s like he’s learnt nothing over these past 6000 years!

Gabe and Bee’s relationship

This really suffers by being revealed only at the end because the way they act seems suddenly out of character of how we expect them to. We’re all left kinda unsure if they’re actually in love or even know what love is.

An earlier reveal of their relationship and maybe some Bee/Jim interactions in earlier episodes would help with a more gradual acceptance of expectations vs reality

Also, would it kill to have one close-up of the fly? Or even like, Aziraphale swatting the fly away as it flies into his face when he opens the box? That thing is so tiny it’s no wonder it’s so easily missed. Please, I’m myopic

Divorce

I want Crowley to snap so bad at Aziraphale. And with better dialogue than “no nightingales”. I know it’s a reference, but surely we can do better than this!

Aziraphale really caught the idiot ball this season in the most narratively unsatisfying way, and if it weren’t for Michael Sheen playing him it would be even more annoying.

What can we cut from S2?

A lot of the coffeeshop/recordshop AU

The whole storming the bookshop thing. What was Bee’s plan really

The angel-demon miracle. The damn thing was what attracted heaven’s attention anyway and in the end it was just handwaved away? Let’s toss it out, and by extension, we’ll have to toss out… (checks notes) the Archangels’ visit to the bookshop, lying about getting Nina and Maggie together and the further matchmaking attempts for them, Constable Muriel, Shax’s storming of the bookshop, and god knows what else.

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papallonadaurada · 3 years ago

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I want to read or write (or just suggest as a prompt to whoever wants to write it) a Merthur crack fic where Aithusa gets turned somehow into a human

- She is a toddler bc it’s set in maybe a year or a couple of months after she was hatched. She is like 2-3 years old in human form? She can talk a little and and walk but that’s it (I whant her to be that little bc she can wreak more havoc this way)

- She is found by Arthur and Camelot’s knights in the woods alone, and they take her to Camelot

- When she sees Merlin she calls him dad, everyone is confused (Merlin too bc he is 100% sure it’s impossible for him to have a child). Then Merlin realizes the toddler is Aithusa and he panics (no one knows yet that he is a warlock and dragonlord, but Kathleen in the fic it gets revealed)

- Now Merlin have to convince everyone he is the father of this girl. The knights start asking him questions about his daughter and her mother out of curiosity. (panicking Merlin says at some point that he birthed Aithusa, everyone thinks he is joking)

- It’s very stressful for Merlin bc everyone is super curious and Aithusa now refuses to leave his side. And on top of that he doesn’t know how or why is Aithusa now a human

- Aithusa also gets inconveniently attached to Arthur, she only accepts not being with Merlin if she is with Arthur and throws a tantrum if she doesn’t see him at least once a day (a really loud tantrum)

- Arthur is super jealous of Merlin supposed wife, and he angry and sad and really confused bc emotions (and nervous too bc now he can’t go on hunts unless he wants to subject his castle to tourture by toddler screams). He ends coparenting Aithusa with Merlin

- Aithusa also still has dragon (?) powers in her human form, fact Merlin discovers when she sneezed and set his neckerchief of fire. So Merlin has to work to prevent anyone finding out about her powers. She also forgets that she doesn’t have wings so she keeps launching herself from whoever is holding her (the first time Arthur was holding her and he nearly had a heart attack but managed to grab her before she dropped to the floor)

- Arthur hearing Aithusa speak dragon language “what language was she talking in?” Merlin: “That was baby talk”. A. “Really? It didn’t sound like it” M: “yea, I’m the one who had a baby I know what I’m talking about”

- Aithusa is having the time of her life (and causing trouble on purpose).

- At some point there’s a Magic reveal, and a feelings reveal too idk

- Then there’s going to be a short spin off about Kilgahara whom Merlin has been calling but didn’t appear, in which we see the Great Dragon also turned into a human trying to reach Camelot by walking and hitchhiking. Every few days he screams at the e sky “Yes young warlock, I’m coming, I hear you the first 10 times!!” He’s now a cranky old man

And that’s all I have. The vibe of this story would be fun and chaos with a bit of angst on Arthur’s part and lots of fluff. Iwould like to write this but I’m not really good at writing and I don’t know how so it probably will stay that way... (like some other ideas I have)

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halestrom · 2 years ago

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I must ask about Angst Fest, and I'm also v curious about Perpetual Feeling

Angst Fest:

Okay, the basic rundown is this is the fic I work on when I'm feeling like I want the world to burn?!?! So, John Sheppard has Abandonment issues and its set post-canon where Atlantis keeps getting picked clean and everyone is leaving, because they're leaving John behind and its just him, Radek, Amelia and Atlantis. bc Rodney went on a speaking tour to try and pave the way to declassification and John feels alone bc of an assortment of issues.

And at some point an AI is activated and the Lucian Alliance attacks but Atlantis saves them and peaces out like the dolphins @ the start of hitchhikers guide, taking John and no one else. So NATURALLY most of Atlantis residents are like fuck this no, and go after him bc just bc John feels alone doesn't mean he is.

“I’m going to go and fucking find him, whatever it takes. Because that’s what John would do for me, it’s what John would do for everyone and I’m not leaving him out there,” Rodney said, throwing his arm to the side. “If I have to build a fucking ship myself I will.”

And they find him eventually but he's all sorts of fucked up and that's about where I've gotten to the fic but I love it bc I'm also working on a John & Jennifer friendship where they're kinda assholes to each other but it works.

John clenched his jaw. “When did you find your spine?” “Right around the time you lost your mind,” Keller replied, glaring at him. “You’re not stupid. You know what’s at stake and so I’m willing to bet you want to argue with me right now because you don’t want to admit to the fact that you’re getting old. And since I’ve known you, you’ve always thrown yourself head first into danger without a care to yourself as long as everyone else is fine. And now that you can’t do that, I bet you’re wondering what good you are to anyone if you can’t die for them?”

Also Jennifer is letting her "ready for me to play with your insides" creep factor out and its fun.

Keller nodded, grabbing the folder she had been carrying and flipped it open, scanning the charts. “I wasn’t old enough to do surgeries when I graduated so I went into PT for two years,” she said before raising her head and smiling. “Ready to get articulated?”

Perpetual Feeling:

It's my HP Harry/Draco Soulmates fic. The basic premise is a red string of rate where red string means you've got a soulmate, gray means they've been kissed and broken means the soulmate is dead and Draco had a gray line, and then it broke but it's not broken anymore and its slowly turning red so he is Confused.

It's set way post canon and Draco is a history teacher because he's not allowed to do potions and no one in the magical world would teach him so he started his studies in the magical world and so he's better. So he gets a job at Hogwarts and Harry is there teaching charms bc he doesn't want to fight anymore and its just a super sweet slowish burn romance that I need to edit and figure out if I wanna post or not.

And Neville is basically just giggling like a madman the entire time

McGonagall paused then and then seemed to pin Draco and Potter with a gaze. “I am sure Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy would love to volunteer for that job.” Longbottom let out a snort which he covered with his hand quickly, but it didn’t hide the sound of his chuckles. Potter paused in the middle of taking a drink before he nodded. “Sure thing, sounds fun, right Malfoy?” Everyone turned to look at him, and Draco nodded. “Sure, it’ll be good to see the students. I always did love the carriage rides, and hopefully they do as well.”

#i enjoy talking about my fics:|#me #writing

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sscrambledmeggss · 3 years ago

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meg my dear <3

how are you? hope you arm did get better!

so choose books you've read this year and assign them into your favourite glee characters! (if you want to of course)

anyways hope your day is going well 🧡

✨ sending you a virtual hug✨

Hello Myle my beloved!! :) also it has, thank you so much 🥰 also I’m very excited about this ask, because this is something I’ve thought about 😫

Rachel Berry: Honey Girl by Morgan Rodgers

It just seems like something she would read shdjjs 😭😭

Sam: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Sci-fi loving king 😫 it’s just a very Sam series 🦧

Finn: Lord of the Flies by William Golding

You might be thinking, Finn? Reading? A classic? He didn’t actually read it. He read the synopsis on the back of the book for school, (surprisingly most kids did not do that, so he did in fact pass) but he thinks being on an island without adults sounds pretty epic 🦧

Quinn: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Old book that was huge for feminism at the time, it seems very much up her ally, but she would rather Elizabeth had ended up with Charlotte than Darcy 🦧

Tina: The Six of Crows duology by Leigh Bardugo

Fantasy, cool clothing, dark setting, very much reminds me of goth Tina, and seems like something she would enjoy :) especially since it’s very action packed, but also focuses a lot of the emotions and connections of the characters.

Mike: Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

I can’t explain why, it just feels like a Mike book, it’s fun and chaotic, but also has a detailed story line! :)

Kurt: Dante and Aristotle Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Incredibly wholesome and cute love story between two boys, is there something more fitting for Kurt 😫 not just because it’s gay, but because it’s actually such a sweet story about two boys who just love each other while going through a lot, but still being by each other’s side <3

Sebastian Smythe: The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

He aspires to be like Lord Henry Wotton. Also the book is gay, gothic and horny where everyone is miserable 🦧 it’s a very fitting Sebastian book 😭

Mercedes: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

It’s not something I think suits her that well, but I’m running out of books and characters 😫 but anyway, I see her reading this because she cares a lot, and the story is literally all about caring so 🦧

Santana: The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

She just absolutely loves reading about rich people suffering <3 also Jordan is hot🥰

Brittany: Dead Poets Society by N.H Kleinbaum

It’s short, simple, but very heartfelt <3 (also I have beef with how bad the book is imo, but that’s another story 🦧)

Jesse St. James: The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Literally think he might be plotting a murder about Finn, but also the book is so dramatic in all the best ways 😭😭 and that’s very Jesse <3 but he’s one of the few people that doesn’t know a lot of it is satirical, so he often explains why it’s not <3

I think that’s all! :D thank you so much the ask, this was so much fun!!! 💖💖

#bagel #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe #rachel berry #mercedes jones #tina cohan chang #mike chang #jesse st james #santana lopez #brittany s pierce #Finn Hudson #Quinn fabray #Sam Evans #glee #thank you so much for the ask! :D💖

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all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney · 4 years ago

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Across the Universe II (Paul McCartney x Female!Reader)

Find Part One Here

A/N: I just checked chapter 1 and I literally put it up over a year ago. Shit. I just wrote a part 2, and finally got ahold of a computer to post it. I hope you's enjoy it. my last chapter had like... 20 likes altogether, so hopefully this chapter will draw some readers in.

Summary: Paul makes it to the Princeton campus where he not only reunites with his cousin Vick, but he meets a fellow stoner named Max. From there, the boys indulge in some Ivy League Hospitality.

WARNINGS: Drinking, swearing, smoking psychoactive substances (Cannabis), just dumb college guys doing dumb college shit. also, it's probably got mistakes bc I suck at revising

This is just a statement clearing up that none of these characters are mine except for Vick. Everyone else belongs to those who were involved in and/or collaborated with Julie Taymor in making the Across The Universe film (2007)

I'll rate this one a T seeing as the substance use isn't THAT bad.

"Vick Hoffner?"

"Try across the way, man. I think there's a Vick of sorts there."

Paul simply nodded at the stranger before turning on his heel and making a beeline to the next apartment, his hands fiddling with his useless book of contacts.

What was the point of giving me your number if you won't even pick up the phone?

He sighed, and rubbed his eyes tiredly with the palm of his hand. He'd been hitchhiking for two days just to get to the Princeton Campus, and then a few hours going through the closest rented apartments to locate him.

This was apartment number 9.

And it was nearing one AM.

Paul rapped weakly at the door, silently concluding that this would be the last place to check before finding somewhere to sleep until the next morning.

The door swung open, and Paul was face-to-face with this college kid who seemed to be about his age. He had unkempt blonde hair that curled around his ears, patchy stubble, and big blue eyes hazed over with the red assault of cannabis in his system.

Despite this, and the nearly empty beer bottle in his hand, the guy looked like he was keeping it together pretty well.

Paul cleared his throat, and raised an eyebrow. "... Vick Hoffner?"

"Nah, man. He's out at the moment gettin' drinks," the guy paused, and looked at Paul for a moment.

"Hey, hold on, you're not... Vick's cousin, are you?"

"Would it be an issue?" Paul asked sarcastically, to which the other guy responded after a laugh, "Nah. I just can't wait for him to get back and find out you got the better looks."

Paul just rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips. "Probably don't matter. He's the brains n' so is me brother. 'S what really matters; though I take pride in this thing." Paul pointed teasingly at his face.

The other guy smiled, pulling two cigarettes from behind his ear. He offered one to Paul, and he claimed the other. He lit the both of their cigs, and they each took a long drag after Paul scanned the apartment hallway for any angry tenants who happened to be against smoking indoors.

"So... does Vick's "pretty boy" cousin have a name?"

Paul nodded like the fact that he had a name was astounding information, but he smiled genuinely before bringing the cigarette back to his lips. "It's Paul."

"Max," The blond shoved his hand out, and the boys shook hands firmly. Max eyed Paul again."Where's that accent from, Paul?"

"Same place as me," Paul answered as he shoved his free hand in his pocket, blowing out smoke a moment after. "Liverpool."

"But why come to America?" Max gestured Paul into the apartment as he spoke, closing the door behind them. "Kill someone? Were you on the run from the cops? FBI?"

"'Sounds like you'd be one to know 'bout all of that." The boys took a seat on the couch in the centre of the room as their cigarettes slowly burned away as they chatted.

"Hey, hey, I've barely ever been in trouble with the cops, but I have pissed off every professor in Princeton, and have broken several campus windows."

" 'nd... you're proud of it?"

"I'm an adrenaline junkie, what can I say? Smashed nearly forty five windows and despite being Princeton's number one vandalidm suspect, I'm still not expelled. Y'know why?" Paul leaned in a little, enough to catch the dank scent of weed, and Max lowered his voice. "... because they can never prove it's me."

" 'nd why is that?"

The answer to Paul's question burst right through the apartment door.

"There's three more of us, and it could be any of them!" One of which, Paul could surprisingly recognize.

"Vick. Long time no see," Paul rose to his feet, and Vick, who'd set a six-pack of beer on the coffee table between them, greeted his cousin with a friendly hug and some "how are you"s.

Despite being an intelligent young man, Paul noticed that Vick behaved a little less like how he used to: polite, conservative, and proper. It was suspected that his behaviour changed because his newfound freedom at Uni allowed him to experience and access things that he would have been otherwise restricted from when he was younger.

Booze was one of them.

Dope was another.

In fact, he wordlessly cracked open a beer for Paul, and handed it to him like he'd asked for a drink in the first place.

Paul wasn't a huge drinker. It was never a vice of his, or anything like that either. He got shitfaced every once in a while for fun.

But when he brought that aluminum can up to his lips, Paul would never have guessed that it would have led to the night it did.

Five minutes after Vick and his buddies returned, Max brought out the roach Paul suspected he was sucking on before he got there.

With enthusiastic cheers from around the room, Max lit the sucker up, took a nice drag from the hot remainders of the joint, and passed it on to Paul.

Paul looked at the roach, almost as if he was confused. No one had asked him if he'd ever smoked before, but Max and the others yelled hurriedly over top of one another, instructing for Paul to suck in quickly and hold the smoke in for as long as he could.

It resulted in a coughing fit, and encouraging pats on the back from the other guys. Vick ended up taking the roach next, and Max reached out across the table.

"Have another one of these, my friend," he slid over another beer after cracking it open just moments before, despite the fact that Paul wasn't quite finished his first drink.

"Y'know, the more you cough, the higher you get? Pretty fucking sick. Like a win-win, man. You don't cough: You're high. You cough: You're super high."

As time went on, and Paul nursed his second drink more responsibly than the first one, things, ironically, started making less and less sense to him.

At one point, he was talking to the guy sitting across from him, and he just stopped talking for a whole ten seconds before turning to Max and asking "what the fuck was I just talking about?"

"Who fucking knows." The blond's shoulders shook as he tried suppressing his laughs, but eventually Paul just burst out into laughs and uncontrollable tears.

And everyone followed suit.

He had absolutely no idea how he got there, or how long he'd been there for, but sitting before Paul were now two empty Tankards. A waitress just set down another to him, and collected the table's empty glasses.

They were in a bar.

Max sat beside Paul as he watched Vick spectate the other two guys play pool.

For the life of him, Paul couldn't remember those guys' names, despite knowing he was told multiple times in the last few hours. To be fair, being drunk and stoned is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to how one forgets another's name. He supposed it didn't exactly matter, anyways.

"So, you got any hot sisters abroad I should know about?" Paul gave Max a funny look but it may have been because it took so long for Paul's brain to register what had been asked.

"... No. Do you?"

"I've got two younger sisters; one's eight, and the older one's a little on the uglier side," though he didn't say it, Max's little smile indicated to Paul that he was joking about the last comment.

Paul and Max watched the boys play pool a little longer until the eight ball was pocketed.

"Wanna play?" Paul's head snapped to his left, and he nodded at Max's offer.

The other guys traded off, and Vick continued spectating. Max made the first break, and Paul watched as the cue ball rolled right into one of the pockets. Well, it seemed to have been only him to notice, because Max's eyes were instead trained on a brunette woman passing the two.

She looked over her shoulder to wink at Max, and rather than gouging his reaction, she simply walked off and took a seat alone in the corner of the bar.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, McCartney?"

"Well, I'm sure that it 'appens all the time. Never 'appened to me, personally."

"You just need to find the right one, my friend.." Max trailed off again, eyes still locked on the bird in the corner. He was slowly inching from the table and toward her. Max eventually just set the cue on the table and completely abandoned their game to talk to this girl, who flashed him a flirty smile with her bright white teeth and painted lips.

Paul watched Max amusedly, taking a swig from his beer and memorizing the moves Max was putting on his lady friend, who was clearly enjoying his company.

Maybe Paul wanted to get better at approaching certain women. He knew how to flirt, and be charming. It's not like he'd never had girlfriends. He'd had his fair share of girls in his teenage years, and he had Molly now back in Liverpool.

But Paul, at this moment, in his crossfaded brain, realized that he didn't want to attract the women he had been anymore. Just from her visual appearance, and how she was reacting to Max's charming flirts, Paul could sense an airiness to her personality. She was always smiling, inching closer, initiating physical contact by nudging his hand with her own, the list goes on.

Hell, even on her happiest days, Molly would be reluctant to kiss Paul, but he'd excuse her behaviour because she was just a regularly bitchy person who hated public displays of affection.

Or hardly any affection at all, it seemed.

Needless to say, Max returned to the table five minutes later with a phone number and a big red lipstick stain on his cheek. So to celebrate, the gang decided to go golfing.

"Here she is, Window Way," Max introduced Paul to the roof of their apartment building. The other boys started giggling at the name "Window Way". Each guy had their own club, Max held a bag of golf balls, and Vick carried another six pack.

Max set his things down and took in the crisp night air as Vick opened yet another beer for each of the boys. Max took a can for him, and one for Paul, and proceeded to show his new buddy just why he called it "Window Way".

"A Driver will send a ball..." Max pointed his arm straight out in front of him, his finger pointing right towards the windows of the Princeton Campus library.

"...Straight towards the school," Paul finished. He turned to look at Max. "You guys do this every night?"

"Paul, I do this all day. I barely go to class anymore."

"Hey, Max! You tee first!" One of the nameless guys called out to them. Max brandished the widest of grins before rushing to grab his club, a ball, and a green tee from his pocket. "Hey, Paulie, wanna help me out by holding my tee up?"

"Well, how'd I do that without gettin' hit?"

The other boys started laughing again, and Paul was genuinely confused until he found himself lying on his back seconds later, and the bottom of the tee between his lips, which only got heavier when Max set the ball down onto it.

If he were sober in this moment, Paul would not have been this comfortable with someone swinging a golf club full force towards his head and then trust their judgement regardless of their in intoxicity that they'd hit their target...

It was a good thing Max had been doing this for a long time, because wow, did that ball ever fly.

Paul watched in stoned disbelief as the ball soared far off into the distance and over the roof of the library. And while no one had seen it, they certainly heard the shatter from the other side of the building.

And that's when all five boys ran away from administration retired back to their room to light up a new joint Vick had also brought home as a surprise. They all sat around and lazily talked to one another about how crazy Max's shot was, and while some of them were falling in and out of sleep, Max insisted they all stay up to watch the sky change colour from the courtyard.

Paul didn't know how he stayed up any longer than he did, but he pulled through like a trooper, and they all watched the sky change as they lay down in the fallen leaves. But as soon as they all came back to their room for a final time, Paul dragged himself in exhaustion to the living room chair to sit, but he just slipped out of it onto the floor, and that's when his body decided to turn off on its own.

The other guys dropped to the ground or onto the furniture like dead flies, and within ten seconds of the door closing, the room was quiet.

And it stayed like that for nearly ten hours.

Paul woke up that evening with a raging headache and multiple trips to the bathroom to be sick, but now three things were certain for him: He definitely had one hell of a time, he definitely wanted to hang out with Max a lot more, and that evening Paul definitely got by with a little help from his new friends.

------------------------------------------------------

A/A/N: alrighty, if this chapter doesn't do too too bad, I'll see about continuing this story. I've got chapter 3 pretty much done as well, I'm just in the midst of revising it. If you want more, by all means, PLEASE let me know!

#across the universe #paul mccartney #the beatles #paul mccartney x reader #macca #george harrison #john lennon #ringo starr

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baya-ni · 3 years ago

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Hi I don’t know if you’re still invested in sk8 but I wanted to ask your opinion on Adam and his relationship with Tadashi after ep12 (not in a ship way, just their feelings and interactions in general). I’m only here because someone’s been trying to pick a fight and pointing to your meta, so I read them (and I think there’s merit to them) but they’re all pre ep12. So if you don’t mind, did ep12 change your opinion on anything and why/why not?

Feel free to ignore this if you don’t feel like answering and have a nice day!

Gosh, it's been long time since I've thought about Sk8. As is probably obvious from my meta, I was writing about the show as the episodes were airing, so without that 'big picture' perspective after the finale, a lot of my first impressions and theories about where the show was going turned out to be wrong.

So, have my opinions about Adam and Tadashi changed since ep12? Yes, big time. Mainly, I've learned to just chill the fuck out.

I've taken the opportunity to read through most of your #clownon masterlist and it's been very enlightening. My personal favorite is the BPD analysis, which makes sooo much sense for ADAM. And I also liked your ask responses regarding consent, how ADAM seeks enthusiastic participation from the other party (whether that be Tadashi or Langa), and how his insults and degradation towards Tadashi are a misguided attempt at provoking that participation.

I don't hate ADAM anymore, nor his relationship with Tadashi. I'm a bit disappointed with the way the season ended in regards to these two, mainly because I thought it was rushed and I would've liked to see where the showrunners would have taken their relationship had they been given more episodes to do so. I still think their relationship is pretty disturbed and definitely not one people should seek to emulate in real life, but it's very complex and that's what makes it interesting to watch and analyze.

I'm still pretty proud of my analysis of ADAM and Tadashi's relationship in regards to their class imbalance, but stepping back, my analysis would only really have solid ground to stand on if the Sk8 was meant to be an angsty "somewhat realistic" romantic or political drama but it's not, it's a show about skateboarding for christs sake. I think my interpretation that ADAM preys on Tadashi's guilt is a valid one, BUT I think that your interpretation that it's ADAM's way of goading Tadashi to step up is ALSO highly plausible and a sound argument. Idk, I just think that their dynamic is fun to analyze, as long as we keep perspective and remember that these "debates" are ultimately of little consequence, because this is a work of fiction- these characters aren't real, the violence and toxic relationships aren't real, this show has no actual bearing on the real world.

But to bring this back around to your original question, what really changed my opinion towards ADAM was casting David Wald as his english dub actor, someone whose work I have deep admiration for and whose casting somewhat softened my feelings towards the character. In an interview about his interpretation of ADAM, Wald said this:

“When I was about 14 years old, I’d grown up in Texas, and I moved because my dad got a new job to Indianapolis, Indiana, and this is where I started doing theatre furiously because there was a really healthy theatre community—in Indianapolis, of all places! And that was when, you know, up to that point I had grown up a very—a little gay boy in Texas in the fucking 80s, so, like, back then we didn’t to look to at all. There were no models, there were no representatives; if I saw myself depicted in a film it was like, you know, a villain or some hitchhiker wearing a silver lam�� blouse and carrying a butcher knife in his purse, right. Like that’s as good as it got, so we didn’t have models—not in film or in art or in life. And when I moved to Indianapolis, and I started doing theatre I was surrounded by some of my favorite creatures on god’s earth: the theatre queen. They were everywhere around me and they were outrageous individuals; every one of them was the queen of the stage when they were on it, and they were just so animated and so unapologetic about themselves. And so Adam is very much pulled from certain individuals of that time and place, and I think it’s one of the things I think that is sort of misunderstood about Adam is his—like everybody sort of criminalizes him about his hangup about Langa and these boys. The thing is it’s the same thing as what happened to me, fourteen-year-old Dave. Some of those theatre queens said shit to me that you would not believe, but it was kind of part of a mentoring process. They didn’t mean it, they didn’t intend to “take me home and show me the way,” but they toyed with me in this way in this way because it was sort of like they were demonstrating to me how to live an unapologetic gay life, you know. And I think there’s metaphor in there for Adam, you know, you’ve got this inference, and you’ll find it in any sports anime coming from Japan; they will sort of work this really deep closeness, this attachment between their main characters, and it’s kind of part of the sportsman journey in Japanese….there’s a lot of gay analogue in these shows, these boys coming into their own and finding out who they are…. And Adam is not perfect, and he’s certainly not an example of how to live your life, but he definitely is unapologetically himself, and he’s loudly unapologetically himself to these friends and compatriots and peers of his that share this community with him, and I think that it’s not about trying to seduce these boys, it’s about showing them ‘listen, I know what you’re hiding and it gets better.’”

And this served as a really important reminder to me that sometimes we all just need to log off Tumblr for a moment and listen to the actual real life humans to whom this show and these characters mean something. A big argument against ADAM is that the portrayal of his character is the trope-y gay coded villian, thus his character is homophobic. But here is someone telling us how much love he has put into this character, drawing from his own experiences as a gay man, and how ADAM comes from, of all places, empowerment.

So in conclusion, yes my opinion toward ADAM and Tadashi's relationship has drastically changed since the season ended. I share your frustrations with fans for oversimplifying this complex dynamic by throwing around buzzwords like "pedophile", "rapist", "abuser", etc etc etc... In that regard, I hope you're taking a lot of mental breaks from the internet, deleting mean asks, blocking people as needed, and all that good stuff.

Take care friend!

#tldr: i hav touched grass and no longer hate adam #ask

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just-thought-thoughts · 3 years ago

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The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

hello tumblr user @supposedly-gay

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You

guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks,

dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right,

here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're

dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for

my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens

here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how,

by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there

are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking

gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like

this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't

he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a

nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

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fragileizywriting · 4 years ago

Text

dirt

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Chat Noir just attracts dirt.

They’ve argued about it before on many occasions— he sticks to being in his cat form and letting her carry him whenever they’re out and about in the town because of it. He hitchhikes rides on her shoulders, instead of actually walking around town, if he can afford to do it. He doesn’t wear shoes normally, he doesn’t like the way it restricts his feet, so any dirt he manages to catch between his paw pads usually ends up making it into their cottage the moment he steps in, and she hates it.

It’s obnoxious, it’s so obnoxious, but no matter how many spells she casts on him, he’s a magnet to debris. Marinette is helpless but to just sweep it out of the house with a broom or some magic. The moment he steps into their home behind her, she knows without even bothering to look that somehow— somehow, there’s now a sneezing of leaves and dirt surrounding the entryway. It’s inevitable.

Chat Noir just attracts dirt somehow.

She’s set on pulling on the strings of her apron, shivering harshly under the damp and still air inside the cottage. It’s warmer inside than it is out, with a good sheet of rain already starting to beat down against the tiles of their house, but the setting is almost… kind. Comforting, even. The late afternoons where the sun starts to set behind thunderous clouds, resulting in them lighting the candles earlier in the day makes it all the too obvious that she and Chat truly do live alone on the outskirts of town, and the thought fills her with a vague little happiness that she can’t really explain.

She feels more at ease here with him. She feels more at ease sleeping during the night, knowing that with Chat Noir’s strength and skill, they would be able to stop anything that wanted to hurt her like they used to in the past— like aggressive and religious zealots who believe that she’s the reason why the world will catch on fire in three years, resulting in her coming home to see it burn down into ashes. She wouldn’t be helpless to just sit and watch, if it ever happened again, and it would be all because of the strength he gives her to stand up for herself.

It helps that everyone is terrified of him, too.

They’re fortunate that they made it back inside on time simply because the rain would’ve been too much to handle for Chat’s demonic ears, and she counts her blessings everywhere and anywhere she can. She turns to him, the tall and giant demon who stands at the entryway, who is in the middle of trying to wipe off his broad shoulders free from leaves, scattering some with the updraft of his arms as he moves.

“I’m not going to move until I’ve wiped down my paws,” He ticks his mouth into a smile. It’s not one of his stereotypical grins, the one that shows just how massive and just how plentiful his incisors and canines are, but she can see little hints and peeks of it poking out. There’s a certain glow in his diamond green eyes as he looks at her, something that she doesn’t know how to read. “The last thing we need is for you to get mad at me because of the mess. You’re far too cold to be focusing on that instead of your bath, Princess.”

“I’ll be okay. It’s warmer in here,” She murmurs, pulling off her soaked aprons. She bundles the fabric in her arms, settling the ball of clothes onto a stool. It lands on the surface with a wet slap, sounding exactly like a drenched rag used to clean their dishes. She tries not to wince. “I’m feeling better. Maybe I was getting rain hysteria.”

He cocks his head naively. “That’s a thing?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never experienced it,” She finds herself smiling, teasing him, unlacing her boots. They thud heavy on the wooden floor when she pulls them off, pulling a clean rag from underneath one of the cupboards in their little brewing area. “Everything is worse when it’s raining.”

He laughs. “You don’t have to convince my on that one.”

She pads over to him— him, the demon who could snap her in two with a twitch of a finger— the demon who surfaced from a portal when she’d mistakenly drawn the wrong runes in a rush and a hurry in order to save her burning childhood home— the demon who has never looked at her with hunger, but instead awe and admiration.

There’s a seal on his chest to prove it— a seal that proves that they’ll be together until the bitter end.

It’s hidden by the white poet shirt he has loosely tied on his body, but she can catch just bits and pieces of the emerald green seal showing through from how his shirt is soaked. It glows warm underneath her palm as she presses her hand against it in order to stabilize herself as she wipes him down starting from the shoulders down, standing up on her tip toes to reach, but there isn’t any reason for her to touch him. There’s no need to. She doesn’t need to hold onto him while she wipes him down with one of her hands, but she does it anyway.

She hopes he doesn’t ask.

Still, she wipes down his shoulders, down his arms— takes a giant paw-like hand into hers and wipes gently at his blackened fingertips. He’s filled with callouses from battles and work that she will never know. His skin is a war map of its own, with scars that range from hairline to actual raised and puckered skin, each from the years he’s been the world’s Chat Noir.

But for a little while, while their contract seals are permanent on their skin and burn and ache whenever they’re away from each other, they are each other’s.

She doesn’t know how to feel about it. She doesn’t know how to feel, knowing that Chat Noir’s eyes are never violent when they look at her. That his claws are never drawn in her direction. That his teeth never threaten to sink into her rib cage. He is many things— destruction, chaos, hell’s prodigious son— but he is also her companion.

Her familiar.

Her friend.

So all she does is continue to wipe down his hands. Finger by finger, making sure to soak up as much water with her little rag. It’s not much she can do— his poet shirt and trousers cling to his body like wet parchment from all the rain, but it’s at least to get him more comfortable. He’ll sit himself by the fire of their cottage in his cat form while she bathes, fighting off the urge to sleep as his fur slowly dries, so she wants to at least give him a bit of reprieve and get the rubbish off of him. As much as Chat complains about the rain, she knows that what he minds the most is the smell— he bathes often and for long periods of time for someone who claims he doesn’t enjoy it.

She cleans down his legs, too. He can do it by himself, it’s obvious, but he always ends up missing dirt between the fur-like texture on his legs or on his paws, and ends up leaving pawprints on the floor. She’s resigned in kneeling down and scrubbing with the cloth, since she’s so used to this that it isn’t necessarily weird, always chiding him for being careless.

The quietness is odd, though.

Chat Noir is a chatter box. It’s a miracle to have moments of quietness whenever he’s around, although she doesn’t actually mind the noise, because she would be an absolute wreck in the silence. He’s talkative, sociable— always scrounging up a friend or two without meaning to. It’s how they’ve met Luka, and Alix, and even Alya— her cat demon has a knack of talking people’s ears off and they sometimes come back for more. Sometimes it’s in a rivalry way, like for Luka and Alix, who stop at nothing to get under the cat demon’s skin just to see what the line is and how to tip toe around it. Sometimes its just because it’s fun to hear Chat Noir talk.

“Marinette?”

He’s clean from dirt. He has been for a while, but he hasn’t told her to stop rubbing at his legs with the cloth. She all but squeaks as she steps away, trying not to blush, catching herself staring off into the distance in her thoughts. “Sorry! Sorry I didn’t mean to zone out. Sorry. Was that weird?”

“It wasn’t that weird,” His mouth twitches. “It’s fine.”

“D-do you want me to, uh,” She tries clearing her throat. “Do you want me to save you some hot water?”

“What?”

“For the bath?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure,” His eyes are swirls of emerald green as he blinks at her. “Uhm. Yeah. That’d be great, actually. Thank you.”

The rag lands on the ball of aprons she’s made with a dull little slap. “You can walk around now. You’re clean of dirt.”

She prays to the goddess above for good luck as he continues to smile at her, keeping his hands up and away to look as nonthreatening as possible from this weird little awkward interaction that makes her want to scream into the mattress from embarrassment. “I’m going to, uhm. Go over there and dry off my shirt. I’ll keep the fire going.”

“Great,” She nods, watching him pull off his poet shirt with wide eyes before squeaking and turning around to face the entryway again. “I’m going to go bathe now.”

“You know— uhm— where to find me. I guess.”

“Right— uhm.” She makes her way over to her brewing area, pulling out a lacquered box from underneath a cabinet to peruse the contents. There’s neat little rows of bottles with small corks, each bottle a different color. She’s attempted to color coordinate them, but given that scents don’t have much of a color to her, she’s done the best she can. “Is there a soap preference you want for the water?”

“Something that doesn’t make me sneeze?” She hears him sit on the rug that is a little ways away from the fire, but close enough to be warm for sure.

“Peppermint sounds good?”

He hums. “I think peppermint gives me rashes.”

She puts the bottle back and picks out another one. “Lavender?”

“That definitely gives me rashes.”

“Are you really a cat?” Marinette struggles not to laugh, even though her face is burning, and she wants nothing more than to get swallowed into a portal and die from embarrassment.

“Work with me here, Princess,” He huffs, giving a laugh of his own. “Okay, fine. What about lemon? That’s always a nice smell. You always smell great when there’s lemons involved.”

She takes it as a compliment, and tries not to kick herself as her whole body blushes for an entirely new reason. It was just a compliment. It doesn’t mean anything more. It doesn’t— it doesn’t mean anything. He’s just talking about his nose hurts from strong scents.

Right?

After all, it’s not as if he’s interested in her. Not in that way.

She hazards a guess that the yellow bottle is the one she’s looking for, and pops open the cork to waft up the smell to her nose. “Okay. L-lemon it is, I guess.”

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#marichat may 2021 #day three: dirt #marichat #marinette dupain cheng #chat noir #marichat fic #my fic #fire lily au #fragileizyadrienette

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