#also his dedication to grace just fucking kills me

[nyx-lyris]

me: *anxiously watching beta* 

harold: i would like to avoid violence if at all possible. but, if they harm grace, in any way..... kill them all. 

me: *screeches* 

[stressedanime]

my new favourite headcanon is ace jason grace, and i think it would just fit so well into his character so lemme explain (also creds to @snoelledarts who helped me write this)

As we know, his overall character arc is about struggling against the expectations put on him because of his birthright, being the son of Jupiter. 

This presented itself in two ways: The inherent stigma of being the son of Jupiter/Zeus, and the pressure Camp Jupiter had placed on him to be a perfect soldier/leader

To talk about the stigma first, I want to focus on Jason and Piper’s interactions with Achelous, because it really makes my heart hurt for him.

“Poor thing. Another girl stuck with a son of Zeus.” “Wait a minute,” Jason said. “It’s Jupiter actually. And how does that make her poor thing?” - pg. 335, the Mark of Athena

To summarize: Achelous describes to Jason and Piper how Hercules' died, how he took after Zeus by having affairs and flirting with anything that moved. Then, after catching wind of her husband's infidelity, Hercules’ second wife killed him out of jealousy. Then Achelous warns Piper about Jason being a son of /Zeus/. 

Piper doesn’t even look at Jason after this. She fears for herself, and for what Jason could possibly do just because of his birthright. How do you think that affected Jason at this moment? The horror and fear that he could hurt the people he loves? That it could be inevitable for him to follow in his fathers footsteps? Especially when Piper doubts him at that moment, how could he also not doubt himself? 

Even though at the end of this conflict she shows her dedication and belief in him, that she believes he is better than the people he’s related to, I fear that the doubt was already planted in his head.

Moving onto the pressures that the Romans placed on him, I think it’s important context to look at what happened BEFORE he made it to CJ 

When he was abandoned by his mom at the Wolf House, she promised that she would come back to him, but she never did. 

His mother’s unkempt promise was at the core of who he was. He’d built his whole life around the irritation of her words, like the grain of sand at the center of a pearl. People lie. Promises are broken. That was why, as much as it chafed him, Jason followed rules. He kept his promises. He never wanted to abandon anyone the way he’d been abandoned and lied to. - pg. 31, the Blood of Olympus

So from the absolute beginning of his time in the Legion, he felt a strong need to follow rules, even though another part of him so desperately wanted to break free of them. 

And we know he struggled against the expectations about being a son of Jupiter because of the glimpses we get about his time in the Legion.

This had been the story of my life, he thought bitterly. Everyone had always watched him, expecting him to lead the way. From the moment he’d arrived at Camp Jupiter, the Roman demigods treated him like a prince in waiting. Despite his attempts to alter his destiny–joining the worst cohort, trying to change the camp traditions, taking the least glamorous missions, and befriending the least popular kids–he had been made praetor anyway. As a son of Jupiter, his future had been assured. - pg. 30 the Blood of Olympus

But I want to look at these expectations in a slightly different lens than just being destined to lead. Specifically, I want to look at this in terms of hegemonic masculinity, which is a specific social identity or performance of masculinity that is virtually unattainable. 

This masculinity was very likely part of the pressure that the Romans put onto Jason. This includes the idea that men, ‘real men’, need to be physically superior, money makers, have political power, be conventionally attractive, and use those looks and charms and status to have sex, like a Real Man™️should. 

You just KNOW that these warped ideals, mixed with the expectations of being the son of JUPITER aka horny menace #1 created some fucked up ideals in his head and pressure from others about how he should act.

All of this leads me to the conclusion that an ace Jason Grace would be a natural, and fitting identity, as well as add so much depth to his character

First of all, realizing he’s ace would be a huge relief

Apart from the “oh i’ve finally found language that describes me and my experience” (bc i feel like he’d hear one of his friends mention it during conversation and he’d be like what’s that? and then when they explain it he’d be like huh. interesting. very interesting. and then go home n scour the internet for resources to explain more)

There’d be that part of him that’s like, relieved that there’s a piece of him that inherently separates him from Jupiter’s legacy, in both the way way that Achelous outlined, and the one forced on him by the Romans

Jason who rejects that side of being related to his father, to being Roman, to being this glorified version of himself that doesn't exist. Jason who gets to relax and live without the fear that he's anything like his father. 

Also, this could work completely with how his and Piper’s relationship played out. They truly did love each other despite the godly meddling, but their circumstances didn’t set them up to last.  

And maybe… maybe their relationship worked so well for Jason, because of Piper's sexuality. 

Piper isn't really into guys like that (Jason maybe being an exception because of the memories from hera or because of specific circumstances/the kind of person Jason is), and Jason isn't really... into people like that and so he doesn't see anything weird about how Piper is either?

They're both not correct about their sexualities and maybe trying to cover it up which is what made their relationship kinda functional for a while because neither of them were pushing for anything super romantic or over the top or sexual

I feel like I could even pull from the Cupid scene to support this

If this invisible guy was Love, then Jason was beginning to think love was overrated. He liked Pipers version better - considerate, kind, and beautiful. pg. 289, the House of Hades

Considerate is SUCH a specific word choice. Especially when we know that considerate is the antithesis to everything Jupiter is. 

AND it’s the antithesis to everyone else in Jason’s life. Do you ever think the Romans were ever considerate to him? Likely not. They just expected him to perform, like a son of Jupiter should.

Therefore, his relationship with Piper was perfect for him, because she didn’t see him as a son of Jupiter. She saw him as Jason Grace, her best friend.

And if he ever does find a partner, he’d have the confidence and ability to be upfront about his sexuality because he won’t be pressured by expectations like that again. 

The relief of knowing intimacy looks a little different for him, and the relief of like, letting people be gentle and soft, with him and that’s all that’s expected. That's all he needs, and no one else feels he needs to go further either. He can just breathe.

That’s what Jason Grace deserves.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 19

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Good morning!

Weird time for me to post this as I normally post at night- I know, but I am off work today. The reason for no tea, no work, and only water this morning is because I am getting tattooed this afternoon!

I'm getting a full sleeve in parts; today we are outlining half of the sleeve. I will for sure for sure post photos in my next chapter! I'm so stoked. Oh I did not mention it, but It's a sleeve dedicated to tea so really tea in spirit with today's chapter :P

Let's get into Shen Jiu:

oh god. He went from one dream realm to another dream realm! p205

Oh shit; meng mo really saved his soul from being torn up in that other dream. p205

Honestly SQQ, I too would want to immediately see LBH after that experience. If anything, I would just want to make sure he was still the nice LBH and not the horror show I had just experienced in there. p206

ah! Meng Mo did interfere with Qiu Haitang in the mausoleum. I was wondering what all was happening with her hysterics in there; but dang that was dark showing her SJ's memories. Poor girl had her entire worldview switched p208

I am not emotionally ready to know what SJ went through. Ugh, here we go anyways.

Okay but I kind of really feel bad for Qiu Haitang- the girl really didnt know what was happening. her own brother from the very first day hid the mistreatment. SJ was really treated so fucking awfully. :( p213

Not his name being the number of him being trafficked :(((((( p213

Damn. I was really hoping we would find out who SJ's friend was. Though I do feel like it is someone we know already. I feel like it's Liu Qingge (don't actually tell me though!) -> we will find out later I suspect. p217

The way I exhaled at "You don't even count as human, and you want to be an immortal?" p219

I felt so bad during that "murder scene". Like fuck, I don't even blame SJ, when it all started. He finally killed the guy after almost a decade of abuse and he was once again trying to protect himself from harm. p221-222

Well. The bloodbath after his initial escape and slew of murders was a little unhinged LOL. p223

ooof. "no more waiting". p225

LOL this memory just turned into the plot of holes there. A bunch of children digging holes without end. Is this where SJ finds luo Binghe??? p227

Okay yes he did find him here and he was already peak master at this point (not for long but still). p228

I am glad that the generational naming convention was explained! Similar to MDZS jin's, the Cang Qiong Mountain sect names generationally. I was really wondering why everyone had "Qing". yay for explanation. p229

What the heck. Liu Qingge is rude as fuck: Shen Jiu said mildly, "Good talent doesn't guarantee success." Liu Qingge didn't even grace him with a sideways glance. "But certainly more success than a nobody who only began proper cultivation at age sixteen." p230

I'm having complicated feelings about OG SJ. Like -> his story is fucked and he was very badly damaged as a child, HOWEVER him treating Luo Binghe the way he did and just creating a cycle of violence is not okay. :( p234

My HEART! Luo Binghe's baby tears :(( p235. also him only crying the first day being 'punished' and when he had to bury his mom himself. what the fuck.

Bro that's so awkward for SQQ; waking up to find out he was crying and calling for LBH in his unconscious state and everyone knowing about it. p237

LOL SQQ not upset that LBH is manhandling him but that LBH said his eyelashes were long XD p239

<SCREAMING>

That last page! AAAAAAH. Him admitting he really missed LBH while hugging uuuugh.

[velvet-apricots]

What is it about Gideon that you like so much?

So first of all to summarize everything below-

Okay now onto the mindless ranting and rambling.

So to be frank, the entire reason i first got into Gideon was a tiktok showing a few members of the hold and if the poster thought they were hot and I saw his armor and I was like "oh fuck he looks like the witch-king that's kinda hot. Oh man he has a hot voice too."

And then I went into a bit of a spiral and suddenly I bought the whole ass game just because I developed a hyperfixation on Gideon Ofnir. This is not an exaggeration.

Anyway, I love the tragedy of him. A man dedicated to the goal set before him, but in the end he seemingly gives up. I love how he has been there probably since the beginning, and he has seen the Roundtable hold's slow decline, and witnessed countless Tarnished fail and turn on one another.

What kind of man was he before that? Was he kinder? Was he hopeful? How do these losses affect him? Does he loose sleep thinking about those that are gone? Does he loose sleep over the things he's done to ensure the success of the tarnished? What did he learn that made him finally give it all up and turn on the player?

Most people just see a scheming fool, but I see something much more than that. Yes, he's an asshole, he's a bad father, yeah yeah I know all that, but he's one of the only surviving tarnished that is implied to have a great rune and still see grace, as the Two-Fingers expect great things from him.

I just wish more people could see past the first impressions and look deeper and THINK about him. Really think. AAAGH.

Onto the ranting part (and venting)-

I am so sick how people mindlessly hate on him. Most only hate him because he doesn't kiss your ass and instead tells you he expects you to earn your place. God forbid a man who is sick of people sucking up resources wants you to prove you can do what needs to be done. Others hate him because of the bad things he did, which okay thats fair! but Marika has killed more people and abandoned more children than Gideon ever did and she still has a huge amount of die hard defenders (I am one of them). Why is Gideon so universally hated? I just don't get it. =(

Also, totally petty of me, but I refuse to play the Convergence mod because they removed his boss battle and replaced it with some worthless dude that has no importance to the story at all., like WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? He's important! He's the leader of the Tarnished! He was your guide! His betrayal is narratively important and you just erase it because he's another npc battle? fuck that i'm not playing your mod then!

Anyway, yeah thats my tedtalk/petty ranting for the day. =)

[number1traumalover]

This is random af, but I just finished watching season 4 of TUA(the umbrella academy) and I am extremely agitated

So, multiple paragraph long(super long) rant under the cut

First things first, let me clarify that this series isn't the worst I've seen, and that s1 and s2 were both goldmines. I do think season 3 and 4 definitely could of done better, though.

To sum up s4 in a few words, RUSHED, UNNECESSARY, and PLOT HOLES. For example, the entire love triangle thing Diego, Five, and Lila was unwanted and pointless. Not only did it degraded Five and Lila's characters so much(c'mon five, you're smarter than that), it was also just a waste of screen time. Lila and Five getting lost on the subway contributed almost NOTHING to the story. It was mainly just a setup for the pathetic relationship they had. The only beneficial thing that came out of it was Lila and Five being able to navigate the subways, which led to Lila's family and Allison's daughter escaping(this was also a terrible writing choice, but we'll get to that later). By pitting Diego, Five, and Lila together they unraveled 3 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS of hard work and dedication to getting Five to slowly grow on them. Overall, 0/10. Hated the love triangle.

For another example, let's talk about the variety in quality, shall we? I will admit that the first 2-3 episodes of season 4 were pretty decent, and I actually liked them, but you could see the quality of the episodes just go down as you progressed through out the season. The ending was clearly rushed, and to me it seems like they were running out of a budget and they knew it. Not a great look, 0/10.

Anyways, its time for my dearly beloathed plot holes. Since I have too many and it would take too long for me to explain them all, I'll just list them all quickly.

Wouldn't Grace, Claire, and Lila's other kid existing in another universe cause a kugelblitz to exist, since their mothers are dead, and thats exactly the reason for why the Sparrow kugelblitz existed?

What happened to the other children with Marigold in them? There were 43 in the umbrella timeline and 19(give or take) in the Sparrow timeline. Why would they also get obliterated when the umbrella siblings got consumed by the cleanse?

Why did Luther get his monkey body back when he drank the Marigold? The monkey body had nothing to do with the Marigold, henceforth shouldn't be associated with his powers.

If it was made so that Five never existed in the first place, then the Commission never would've existed, meaning that Five never would've been hired to assassinate Kennedy, meaning that the whole fucking timeline would be messed up(there's probably more examples of this)

Speaking of the Commission, why did Five found it in the first place? The old Five in the freezer at the commission had half of his arm chopped off, meaning that he founded the commission after the scene with the Guardian. He would've had to reset the timeline in order to gain access to what he needs to start he Commission, but if he reset the timeline, then he wouldn't have his arm chopped off, meaning that in another universe, Five and the others found a way to escape the Oblivion without resetting the timeline. If so, how the fuck did they do that??

Killing the tua shouldn't have erased all the Marigold, since Reginald's wife would've still created the durango and marigold on the other planet BEFORE it had reached earth. And if Five and co didn't exist, the Marigold just would've found another host. THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE??

The new powers that some of the tua members got make no sense??? Why can Lila shoot laser eyes AND copy powers? How come Klaus can fly? That has nothing to do with his spectral themed powers, and everyone knows that he just makes himself levitate by having ghosts lift him instead. In the scene where Diego is delivering packages (the night after Ben spiked their drinks) how come he's able to make them land directly where he wants them? There's no metal in letters or envelopes??

(There's more plot holes, but I don't have the time and patience to list them all.)

LONG story short, the ending to the grand series finale was kind of disappointing. I genuinely think they could of done a better job on it.

[valerieismss]

Look man I research autism academically and I’m not really hcing autism ever but miles edgeworth. Miles edgeworth has brutal autism. BRUTAL. Here’s why:

Most obvious is his special interest in the steel samurai. Don’t tell me it’s law because it’s NOT! It’s something he’s been wrapped into, taking inspiration from his father and being manipulated into by MVK and just being this very logical critical thinker. But the steel samurai? No, like, that’s organic. That’s an organic ass interest that came from nowhere and he clings to that shit like a lifeline. Miles Edgeworth is not going to law for comfort that shit traumatized his ass. He’s had a fixed, prolonged interest in this from childhood. Extremely knowledgeable and extremely obsessed and immersed and it’s Fixed. And it’s comforting. NOTABLY! AND it isn’t a result of his upbringing which to me makes it further evidence of an autism specific interest.

This alone wouldn’t be proof btw. It’s only because this is in conjunction with other traits.

Second, he’s not exactly cognitively empathetic. He tells a suicidal woman to khs in court. He sentences hundreds to jail to win a verdict. Miles has a heart, but he lacks the ability to cognitively empathize. Notably, he’s not malicious. That’s why I say this. He genuinely believes he’s doing the right thing by winning a guilty verdict, forgoing empathy for his strong sense of justice. This sort of dissonance is common in autism. Once he has this realization that the way he operates in court is Wrong, he dedicates himself to his new moral code just as strongly. Miles edgeworth is without empathy, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but due to MVK and everything this did lend itself to his black and white morality when we first meet him.

Also, edgeworth has always thought in absolutes. He’s very literal. This man does not naturally see moral greys EVER. He literally tortured himself for YEARSSS over his dad’s death, not ONCE giving himself ANY MERCY until Phoenix proves he didn’t kill his dad. I’ve already explained this attitude in court, but it extends to how he treats himself. Absolute black and white thinking is also common in autism, which is why I mention it.

Moreover, it’s not hard to see that edgeworth isn’t socially assimilated. He lacks the ability to recognize social cues, we know this because he’s a self described real stuck up jerk. People don’t like him. He’s openly very rude. This is because he just doesn’t lie, at least not unless he thinks it’s necessary. But think about it. Would a socially assimilated person say they had unnecessary feelings? No. No they would not. Also, he misses a lot socially as well. I remember him being completely oblivious to how women view him, like Rhonda from AAI. He’s not socially graceful, he’s never been. I wish I had more specific examples but I can’t think of anything. It’s just not hard to tell that he’s a dick by accident in his day to day life.

There are small things, like his self soothing gestures and his aversion to eye contact unless he’s angry. These things could be anything, though. I don’t think they’re good evidence for autism. It’s also extremely clear that he suffers from PTSD. I could make an entire post on that alone. However, everything else seems like solid enough evidence for autism to me.

Edgeworth also tends to be a dick on purpose. Don’t get me wrong. Like how Sheldon can be a dick on purpose. But there’s a good amount of times where he isn’t. Like, edgeworth is a terrible person when we meet him, and it’s not just because he’s autistic. He’s fucked up and his autism is far from the only reason he tells adrien andrews to kill herself, but I would say his lack of cognitive empathy contributes to that. He really doesn’t understand how people feel or why they feel those ways, and he never has. His altruism comes from his sense of justice (also seen in autistic people but far from exclusive to them). All of these traits at once just make me think he’s autistic.

Let me know what you think!

[zarekthelordofthefries]

I want to say my peace on this just to get it out of my head. Political stuff, talking about the American election and everything.

I am probably going to vote for Joe Biden. I don't feel good about it. It makes me sick to my stomach. The man is awful. Trump has the conviction to make things far worse than Biden, so if forced to pick between the two unfortunately Biden is the better choice.

I also don't think Biden is going to win. He is woefully unpopular with the right and the left both. He has demolished every single ounce of goodwill he ever earned. His greatest saving grace was being better than Trump the first time, and since then he has so thoroughly botched his own PR that it has become increasingly difficult for people to say that genuinely.

Again, I say this as someone who is probably going to vote for him. But I legitimately can't imagine being mad at someone who doesn't. I mean, mad at someone who votes for Trump, of course, fuck those people. But someone who just wants to abstain? Someone who will go to the polls and vote on everything but the presidency? How can I blame someone for that?

At this point I don't think it's unfair to say Biden is a monster. He technically doesn't support Netanyahu, but he quite obviously supports Israel. He clearly has no compunctions with supporting the occupation, displacement, and genocide of Palestinians -- he shakes his fist impotently at Netanyahu because his actions make Israel look bad, not for any ideological reasons.

He's better than Trump. Getting shot in the foot is better than getting shot in the chest. I can't blame people for not being eager to get shot in the foot.

I just think it's important to maintain perspective here. If/when Biden loses, there are people we can blame. The people to blame aren't Palestinian-Americans who can't bring themselves to vote for someone who provides the bombs killing their families. The people to blame are the Republican party (for shaping themselves into a constant looming sword of Damocles hanging over all human rights) and the Biden administration itself (for being so dedicated to violent oppression they can't even realize that everyone looks at them like the insincere supervillains they are).

We go online and we fight and we argue and we yell and what is it for? We all recognize how fucked the system is, no one even disagrees on that anymore, we're all just yelling at each other over whether taking part in the system is complicity or resistance, and the fact is it's BOTH. Harm reduction is real, but so is this America-centric egotism that looks at the election between two genocidal old men as the most important decider in this conflict.

This isn't me making a call to action. I don't care whether or not anyone votes. I'm too goddamn tired to care. Because what does it matter? What does any of our petty internet squabbling matter when people are dying? When hundreds of children have been murdered?

I am tired and I am sad and I just don't care about presidents now. I might never again. Just...be kind to each other. Think about the things you say, your priorities. Whether you tick a box on a piece of paper or not matters far less than how you actually try to help people and spread awareness, okay? Please remember that.

[gentlebeard]

hi lets show some love for our mutuals. tag your favorite mutuals and tell them why you love them

thank you, dear anon. time to spread lots of love:

@blakbonnet - what would i do without meow? she’s so smart & kind & funny & so fucking talented. writing, painting, making gifs, clowning - there’s nothing she can’t do. we have one and the same brain and often send each other almost identical messages at the same time. she’s my biggest fan and greatest supporter. team beard brought us together and now i never want to be without her!

@sherlockig - my soulmate, my sunshine, my rock. not only is she incredibly sweet and one of my best friends in the world, she’s also the backbone of the ofmd fandom. she graces our screens with fantastically edited screen caps of our beloved blorbos. we’d be lost if alexz didn’t put so much love and energy into picking the perfect frames! i’m so grateful for her presence in the fandom and in my life.

@saltpepperbeard - jodi. my wifey. my one true love. nothing brings me more joy than seeing her gifs or reading her insane tags on posts. they’re better and more entertaining than any newspaper or novel. every time she has an insanely brilliant (or angsty) thought, i wanna propose to her all over again. her writing makes my brain tingle in the best possible way. btw all of you are invited to our next wedding 🥰

@bizarrelittlemew - one day i saw one of ida’s gif sets and was like: hell yeah, i wanna see more of that. i came for the gifs but stayed for her love of rhys darby, her kindness, her writing, her amazing vibe, her creativity, and her lovely self.

@not-nervous-jester - jams is the hottest person on this hellsite. they’re just so effortlessly funny and amazing. their brain has the most wrinkles because they’re so fantastic and intelligent. i invite jams to make out with me regularly because i’m secretly (or not so secretly, i guess) obsessed with them. anyway, i’m smooching you and your brain, jams!

@skysofrey - kaitlin is the sweetest human ever. sunshine in a bottle. kindness personified. seeing her yellow hearts in the tags improves my mood instantly. she deserves to have a perfect day every single day.

@stedebonnets - another 10/10 human being. how anyone can be so sweet and supportive is almost unbelievable to me. ara will make you feel like the most special person on this planet with just a few words and sweet emojis. i bet ara’s hugs feel like coming home after being gone for years.

@dickfuckk - i once called josh the bts king because he’ll know or find anything that is just slightly adjacent to ofmd. his dedication to @ourflagmeansbts is insane to me. on top of that: nice & funny dude, hilarious videos, my dj archive 😌

@rainbowcrowley - after just casually communicating over tags we have finally moved our relationship to the next stage (dms & laughing about shitty memes about politicians, apparently). addi will tell you they make “mediocre gifs” but that’s just a blatant lie. their gifs always look fantastic. a very sweet bean.

@darkinerry - marlena will come out of nowhere and throw spectacular taika gifs into your inbox or just make a straight up insane gif set of that man with clips they probably had to kill someone for. idk how else they do it or where they get them, it’s a mystery to me. excited puppy energy 24/7.

honorable mention goes to olivia aka @snake-snack-stede who is, hands down, the most hilarious person in the ofmd fandom. i’m looking forward to your s2 shenanigans as much as the episodes!!!

if i didn’t mention you, know i still love you. and you’re amazing. 💕

[yandere-monoma]

should i be insane and start the kill your masters commentary now

i am gonna be insane and start the kill your masters commentary now

hi this will contain spoilers for the killswitch au which imo is fine because i have no intentions of writing it in its entirety so HSJKFGFG

god. rose strider.

rosie rosie rosie rose strider UUUUUUGH.

fun fact i actually attempted to go off about all this weeks ago but tumblr deleted the fucking draft but now im drunk (or i was drunk when i started this at 1am and now its fuckin noon LMFAO) and trying again so LET'S GO!!!!

so. actually. my iteration of rose strider was first sparked after reading BGB by MermaidMayonaiise oh god bless tf out of them

like, guardianswaps is an ancient concept in the fandom so it's not like i've never considered her or any other strider kid before but GOD. this one line from BGB absolutely blasted through my soul:

You never knew her, but a Rose Strider would have been a killing machine. Considering the multiverse, she exists. Just not in any timeline that matters.

as i lovingly say in the comments of that fic, i literally copypasted that line to every hs friend i know. it drove me crazy

it'd still be a couple of weeks (months?) after reading that fic that i actually conceptualized her, though. rose strider was born via the homestuck renaissance chat which i will reference 6738459634563456 times in this commentary because killswitch would not exist without it. the renaissance chat went off with a million and one headcanons about a million and one different guardianswaps and my impulsive ass couldn't help but actualize them in some sort of written form, complete with ridiculous long ass plot and even a couple of sburb sessions that i'll never write cuz it'll take me years. like. the ideas were just so good.

ironically, our first official swap we discussed was actually john strider, who i hopefully will get to at least allude to in the next iteration of killswitch, along with dave lalonde (WHO I FUCKING LOVE AAAAA), jade egbert and rose harley... then we actually discussed jade before i finally revealed how insane i was about rose strider rose rose rose rose ROOOOOSE

from that first initial outline to the first chapter of kym, it took about two months of plotting and dragging through drafts which is CRAZY cuz it rly does feel like time has fucking flooown by. a lot of that time was also dedicated to the first installment of killswitch, which got interrupted because the third chapter of kyd got tragically deleted and i've never recovered and i only recently healed past the hurt enough to start to rewrite it. god. trauma.

anyway.

before i get to the first chapter, i wanted to talk about rose's initial concept as a strider and what it meant. as i've said 738596356 times already, nature vs nurture was how i approached every placement within the au. it was very important to me to blend every character with who they initially are in canon and who their guardian's influence turned them into. this made for an incredibly fun process that lent itself to a pretty easy formula characterization-wise.

for example, rose strider's excessively extreme experiences with self-harm are born of rose lalonde's early act 1 habit of engaging in empty suicide threats towards her mother. i took that tendency to act out and cranked that fucker up to 11 because there is nothing passive aggressive about how bro raised dave.

every killswitch character features this pairing blend approach to their writing. jake lalonde, for example, inherits roxy's hyperactive silly energy, though he lacks the grace, ease and confidence to carry it out without stumbling. however, rose is especially special because i wasn't just trying to blend rose and dave. because of rose's identity blurring motif, i had to build her up using elements of rose AND dave AND dirk AND, most importantly, bro. that made her, honestly, really fucking hard to write because i still wanted her to be recognizable enough, while still sounding like a carbon copy of bro, simultaneously perfect and flawed all at the same time. and, ngl, it's super interesting to me, the way she deviates from the formula and refuses to follow the easy pattern i followed for literally every other character in the au. it's just so fitting for her to fuck with the meta like that JSKFG

anyway LETS START READING

fucking with the commands was actually a last minute choice done right at the very final edit. so much of the narrative fuckery that happens in kym is very on the spot, lots of last minute decisions that start with the impulse of 'oh shit yknow what'd be cool' and end with a big ole internal ramble of what it could all ~represent~

in this case, i thought this was nifty, i've been using this same one fuckin glitch generator for YEARS at this point: but also, i think it was a fun way to allude to her classpect, even though it's never really discussed outright

yeah see this was actually supposed to be a description of her room but in the very last draft as i was cleaning it up i saw this section that i still had to write and went nope. JHSKFGSDFG which is hilarious to me because doing so literally transformed how i approached the rest of the piece. originally this chapter really was supposed to just be a pretty direct copypaste of act 1, but god. GOD i'm glad it isn't. i've had so much fun with this style and it's so amusing to me that i have laziness to thank for that JKGFG ah yes the creative process

facts about john harley and his first conversation with rose!!

i suck at chumhandles and enlisted help from the renaissance chat for a lot of them. other handle options suggested to me at the time include: garrulousGallivant, groovyGallywag, galleyGaffer, giddyGelogenic (this was in second place to me i rly loved it sob)

(rose's handle was incredibly easy in comparison, largely because i hardly put any effort into it. i just wanted something suitably edgy and what could be edgier than naming yourself after genocide HJGKF)

his initial character premise:

the hardest part about starting the fic where i did is that there was just so much imagined backstory for rose and so little time to actually get to detail with it. the purpose of the first few pesterlogs with john and jade was to establish something that honestly i don't think got as much spotlight in the fic as i would have wanted: the fact that rose strider is a compulsive liar who actually tries her hardest to seem normal to her friends, both out of habitual manipulation and out of a subconscious urge to escape her life. it's an attempt to sprinkle her with the void traits that she clings to at the beginning of her arc (guess what her classpect is >:3) before embracing what she really is, but damn. if i could have, i would've written 100k of cute casual conversation with rose seeming like the sweetest most thoughtful friend in the world, only to reveal what she's really like

anyway! we get to see her make up a life for herself first through john, as she lies about going to school when ngl i don't think she's been since like. idk. the 3rd grade. GJKFLGS

this is always an interesting pesterlog to reread remembering how much i fucked with rose's dialogue jesus christ. i did NOT want her to sound like herself in the rougher drafts. she was honestly just a straight up blend of bro and dave, very casual, very ramble-y, however at the last second, i incorporated a touch of her usual more formal vibe/dialogue. again, because i was blending four different characters rather than two, it was difficult to find a balance i really liked. i definitely got there eventually but. hoo.

ro-stri originally used to copy the punctuation of anyone she spoke to. there are still aspects of this in the current draft, rose plays along and sprinkles more exclamation points in than usual to match john's hyperactiveness despite the fact that she feels like roadkill atm. however, in the end, i thought it was a little too subtle and wanted her to have a more uniform sound to her, rather than disappearing into anyone she encountered.

john harley thinks the funniest possible thing to joke about in the world is the fact that he's pretty much a feral kid who has never touched humanity and thus doesnt know the most basic things. he does this 9356354963 times a day. he loves playing dumb. in truth he's experienced a Lot through movies but sometimes he simply cant resist the urge to pretend he doesnt know what a fork is. jsdkfgsfg he was such a delight to write, jesus christ.

despite rose's attempt to fade into the background a little, all of her friends depend on her massively to fill a hole in their lives, which she ends up using to further manipulate and control the topics of their conversations. for john, he's just so incredibly hungry for what life in the real world is like. so rose fabricates a normal school life for him. and she's not even doing that for him. it's completely coincidental that they both just desire the same thing of each other and ngl i really adore and am fascinated by their dynamic. johnrose fuckin sneaks up on me i SWEAR.

rose calling herself a bishounen is the first hint of her weird gender fuckery. it is a hilarious hint that i'm so very proud of cuz it's so dumb HAHAHJKFS

john's flirtiness towards rose is inherited by (epilogue) jade's sexual promiscuity and slight pushiness towards the people she's attracted to. it also just seemed like so much fun lmfao it rly snuck up on me as i was writing and i couldn't help but go all in once i realized what was happening. like, john really does just find one bad joke (usually at someone's expense) that he really likes and does it over and over and over and OVER cuz so much of the joy for him is knowing that he's the only one fucking laughing and that everyone in the vicinity wants to throttle him. but they can't :P

someone tell me why :B emojis are so cute. the very first time i went >:B as john harley i went oh no because i fell so hard at that point HAHA

jade lalonde!!

can you believe this is the first time i've ever written jade in my life jesus fucking christ

other chumhandle option: tipsyTurvey

rose's canon handle is a pun that fucking murders me every time i acknowledge it and i desperately wanted a cute pun for hers. i am bad at puns. i am so very bad at puns. telekineticTactoe is the first pun i've made in all my decades of living. i am so proud of her fucking handle jesus christ GHJFKGS

something that's fun but also agonizing about pesterlogs like these is, again, i don't really get the chance to explain things. so much show, so little tell, which works out great for the narrative but makes the part of my brain that built up so much of the world pout so much. so i never actually go into detail about the fact that the 'update' jade is working on is to a webcomic that she has picked up and abandoned 87593456 times. this is seen more in her later conversations but one of jade's whole shticks is that she has tens of thousands of hobbies and she can't commit to a single goddamn one. she is absolutely CRUSHED by how much she wants to have a perfectly successful career like her mom. everything she tries just isnt perfect enough and it frustrates her endlessly. she is so so very cute i love herrr

it is SO fun discussing the lalonde issue through someone who is earnest and honest about their feelings and who airs them out the second they feel them. it's so fun to interpret some of the issues rose perhaps had with her mother, while also just poking at issues i think would have just. always bothered jade because of the type of person she is. she is going to be an incredibly fun perspective to write through the rest of the au and i rly hope i can figure out a way to focus a fic on one of her iterations one day

jade having a having a habit of traumadumping and rambling was supposed to be a play on just how excessively wordy rose can be. idk how much that shows (people associate rambling way more with dave imo) but either way it was super fun to write

rose's manipulative streaks are more obvious here. jade is incredibly vulnerable and rose jumps at the opportunity to attempt to further isolate and pit her against her mother. she's doing that completely out of habit, too. she has no malicious plan behind it all, it passes the time and it keeps jade close and that's really all she wants. she can see the way jade suffers under the weight of her work and she makes up her own stressful worklife, just so that jade can relate to her more than she can relate to the others.

DAVE FUCKIN EGBERT LET'S GOOO

the first words uttered about dave eggy in the gc:

and what his character ultimately turned into:

there is so much to say about dave i love him i love him i love him let's gOoooOooOOo

first off, i wanna explain why he's an egbert rather than a lalonde, since swapping the strilondes is way more common:

dave lalonde would have taken up too much screentime which would not have worked for the fic/verse. he is. god. an INCREDIBLE and fascinating specimen that i need to specifically write 100k about and pairing him with someone like ro-stri would just be a disservice to either of their stories. they simply can not exist together in a way that i would find narratively satisfying because they both just take up too much SPACE. GOD!!!

dave egbert is just cuter LMAO.

i am a dirty dirty multishipper and making him an egbert means i get a version of johndave and a version of daverose all at the same time

(and this doesnt even also allude to the fact that john strider and dave lalonde are also a hugely amusing dynamic like i rly needed the homophobic af angy boy paired with the darling excitable lil femboy ok

but really, my approach to dave is this: as much fun as tragic backstories are, sometimes a really fascinating narrative can be watching someone getting actively traumatized in the present for the very first time. being a bystander to someone you love's suffering, the survivor's guilt of not being the abused one, the overwhelming stress of being someone's sole confidant, the way it feels to be crushed by codependency and forced to witness unrelenting suffering when you are so woefully unprepared to provide proper support. dave just being a normal boy in an incredibly toxic relationship with his first love is just. GOD. so fun to me. so so fun it's honestly one of my fave decisions coming into the fic

there's also something to said about the fact that dave finally gets to experience normalcy and familial love at the expense of his sister taking his role in the narrative. there is a point in the au where the killswitch characters (who i also refer to as the 'zeta' kids) are made aware of their canon counterparts and thinking about what dave eggy will think about dave strider is SO exciting to me

anyway, again: this was a hard pesterlog to incorporate. i needed a quick summary of their dynamic and a quick summary of both of their characterizations: dave egbert being dryer, quieter, more withdrawn and blunt with his words, rose strider being abrasive and quick to anger and almost sadistically playful in the way she immediately seeks to tease and degrade her boyfriend. i also needed to show this without making rose the most unlikeable character this side of homestuck HGJKFGGS. fun fact, so much of how they talk to each other and exist in general is based on the fact that i think both of them just, like. fuckin LIVE on 4chan. rose is a 4chan troll while dave is just, like, a lurker. and i do wish i could have showed that more and showed even more of both the cruller kinds of dialogue rose can dish out and the more weird/fond/playful parts of their dynamic, because to me rose is the type to just constantly drop slurs and insult people and speak in a way that's designed to shock and horrify people and dave was her punching bag as much as he's her stuffed animal, and he's just so in love with all the ways she overwhelms him. he has so much fun trying to just desperately keep up with her and it all just creates this intense atmosphere that he's absolutely addicted to.

like, it's tragic that her talking like this never shows up in the fic itself but alas. alas, alack...

anyway

HOW CAN I FORGET HOW FUNNY DAVE'S HANDLE IS TO ME dave making his whole personality around himself being a npc is so funny to me ok godhjskfg

There is no excusing what must have occurred the previous evening, but there’s no point trying to contend with what happened. 

considering 'what happened yesterday' is a big huge plot point in chapter 2 i'll leave it to the chapter 2 discussion but just know that this is one of my fave part's of rose's characterization that i ALSO mourn its lack of focus in the fic. i think it's present enough but UGH i wish i got to write it so much MOOOORE, DAMN!

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

there were so many versions of this line and this introduction in general HJGKFGS happy with what i settled with

this section was hard because, again, had to quickly establish all the things i wish i could have spent time just slowly building up. i do enjoy how the final product looks, though. one of my favorite styles to utilize is a very compact, slightly minimalistic type of prose that leans

lil cal as a corrupting force is one of my fave hs things in the world it drives me insane to think about, so it was incredibly fun deciding that this was one of the biggest and most important differences between dave and rose is that dave fucking hates lil cal but ro-stri is not scared of puppets :D she loves them :D

When you sleep, if you sleep, your gaze never breaks from his, and you spend your nightmares drowning,

rose having an eternal staring contest with dream cal amuses the hell out of me especially thinking about dave going to derse just to watch in horror. it's also another aspect of that internal soul flaying she keeps forcing herself through, trying to create a perfect ouroboros between herself and what bro has been turned into. trying to fuckin speedrun through her own corruption

gurgles blood.

this next section about all the ways rose attempts to cope with her trauma was so nervewracking to publish. a lot of parts of this fic was but jesus christ. was really worried i'd get flack for a few of the ideas that got tossed out there, but i couldn't remove them even despite that anxiety. there is such a specific vibe to the 00's that i really wanted to incorporate into the fic... just, how it felt to be an absolutely insane teenager, always overwhelmed, constantly abused, and gifted with unadulterated unsupervised internet access to do terrible AWFUL things to. i wanted to depict it because it's what i relate to, what i've experienced, what i've seen and heard from others.

it's also just generally rly important to me to sprinkle darkweb references into as many of my strider fics as fucking possible cuz i know those boys LIVE on it LMFAOHJGKFG

In reality, you have no hobbies your brother hasn’t given you.

short but important: the fact that rose just does not get the opportunity to start creating her own personality like dave does was very important for me to highlight, though it's also not necessarily true. since the narration is filtered through rose's perspective, and rose is the one that is so adamant (especially at this part of the story) that she is a perfect clone of her brother, she skips past the experiences she has where she's strayed from bro's influence.

the end of this chapter was a very fun escalation that i'm very satisfied with. ahh, my killing machine 🥰❣️ how i adore you... now that i think about it, i forgot that originally i really did just want to make a quick oneshot summarizing all of my thoughts on her. as i was writing, the ideas got bigger and bigger, the hcs spiraled more and then my friends in the chat [shakes fist] dropped a huge BOMB of a plotline right into my lap that forced me to extend it way past its original plan but ughsjfgdfg i'm so glad that they did because this is a story that i'm so incredibly proud of godddjksfg

AND THAT'S CHAPTER ONE, STAY TUNED FOR MORE

[fangirlandtheories]

3 6 8 9 16 22

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I'll be honest, I don't involve myself in the drama of the fandom so if it's a take I wouldn't agree with, odds are that I didn't see it as I don't actively seek out things that don't interest me. I will say this, and I'll say it carefully: If you want to look at Billy as a tragic character because of his traumatic life, that's fine, but that doesn't excuse everything he did. He's an inherently complex character and it's possible to hate that someone is racist and also hate that that person was abused. I don't know if that really answered the question or not, but it's a take of my own.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

Honestly all of us 😂 We all annoy each other for different reasons. I will say that nothing has made me more angry than the Steve/Eddie vs the Chrissy/ Eddie thing. It's not even how the fans of either interact with each other, it's the fact that Joseph and Grace have been dragged into it. They're actors playing a role and shouldn't have to play mediators for fans. They definitely shouldn't receive hate or backlash either.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Specific to Steddie shippers: That Eddie is perfect or Steve is perfect. They're both loveable doofuses that absolutely don't know conflict resolution. It's definitely not all pet names and snuggles but massive arguments and silent treatments.

9. worst part of canon

God I could go on for so long that you would almost believe that I don't like the show.

I think ultimately it's that up until this season there hasn't really felt like high stakes or consequences. Steve and Robin were tortured and left with just bruises and a shock blanket. The injuries the characters have sustained would leave someone sidetracked and bedbound in the real world but they constantly shake it off. It's like the only consequences occur when necessary to the plot. Steve gets bitten by bats and strangled twice: Let's tie a shirt around his waist and have him get dizzy once. Eddie gets bitten by bats: Kill him for sad value.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Mike

No haha... Unless...

I'm really not into Kas!Eddie or vampire Eddie. I'm all for bringing him back and if that's the way that the Duffers want to do it: Great! It's a sound theory and it makes sense to the plot, it's just not something I am really into when I'm reading things like fanfiction.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Here's a plot twist: I'm not going to talk about Steve or Eddie for this one.

Here's a comprehensive list of little things that I love that don't get enough conversation:

1. Ted Wheeler's little comments

2. Murray Mother Fucking Bauman

3. Joyce's (Winona's) eyebrows

4. The dedication to the fact that it's 10 pm and none of the parents know where their children are and don't ask

5. Erica and Dustin's friendship/ the passing of the DnD torch onto the next gen

6. The inclusion of Holly

7. Steve's plaid walls and car picture

8. Nancy "New Hair Every Season" Wheeler

9. Eddie having pretzels and weed in his lunch box

10. The sibling dynamics

11. Steve's butt in those jeans

12. Dustin's quirky style never changing and his mother who loves him so dearly.

Quite literally I could go all day but this would be the longest post.

[90sdisneys]

me: *sends 12 air kisses*

me: to my bbs in la huerta

-

Jake: did it hurt?

Mc: Let me guess? When I fell from heaven? *rolls eyes*

Jake: *smirks* no, when you fell for me

-

Jake, introducing Mc to his family: This is my ex-girlfriend, Mc

Mc: I told you to stop calling me that

Mc: Hello I'm his wife

-

Mc: look, Craig is great, but he doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't even have a day plan. I once found a note he wrote to himself that said 'put on pants' followed by a question mark.

-

Mc: I'm a little chilly

Jake: *sets the entire world on fire*

-

Jake: What's that on your hand?

Mc: Wha-

Jake: *holds it* It's me

-

Craig: Mc we're out of candy.

Mc: What? Already? There's only been like three kids.

Craig: Yeah I know but one little girl told me she loved me so I just gave her everything.

-

Craig: Z is just a sideways N

Mc: it's 3 am please stop

Craig: zo

-

Mc: I made this couple bracelet for you.

Jake: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.

Mc: You don't have to wear it.

Jake: No, I'm going to wear it forever. Back off

-

Zahra: (mumbling) you looked pretty today

Craig: ?... what was that?

Zahra: I SAID U LOOKED SHITTY TODAY. GOODNIGHT

-

Zahra: I wanna spice things up

Craig: You know I can't eat spicy foods

Zahra: I mean in the bedroom

Craig: I can't eat spicy things anywhere Zahra

-

[in the supermarket]

Zahra: Hello, I lost my boyfriend, Craig, can I make an announcement?

Staff: Absolutely

Zahra: *leans into the mic*

Zahra: I will find you, you little shit

-

Zahra: I could kill you if I wanted to.

Craig: Yeah? So could another human being

Craig: So could a dog

Craig: SO COULD A REALLY DEDICATED DUCK

Craig: You're not special

-

Mc: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Mc: Not you, Craig. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

-

Craig: hey, wanna help me commit a felony?

Mc: what the hell dude?!

Craig: sorry, my bad

Craig: *whispering* wanna help me commit a felony?

Mc: *also whispering* of course man what do you need?

-

Jake: Zahra, tell Mc that she's an idiot, but I still love her

Zahra: gross. tell her yorself

Jake: we're in a fight

Zahra: you're sitting on her lap???

-

Mc: you're gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late

Jake: joke's on you, I'm gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what

-

Craig: I'm the kind of person who likes to think things through

Mc: since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire

-

Mc: *crying*

Jake: I will destroy every aspect of the known universe and burn whatever remains to ash in order to be sure I eradicated whatever hurt you.

Mc: I'd rather have a hug.

Jake: Okay, princess.

-

Michelle: who's more clingy?

Jake, sitting on Mc's lap with his arms wrapped around her neck and his face buried into her chest: Mc, obviously

-

Craig: Mc, Zahra's right there! What should I say?

Mc: Just tell her "You have beautiful eyes."

[a few minutes later]

Craig, to Zahra: I have beautiful eyes.

Zahra: Okay...

Mc, in the distance: NO!!!!

-

Mc: Jake is actually very sweet for such an aggressive guy.

Jake: *laughs menacingly while shooting a soldier's kneecap*

Mc: He's like a muffin to me.

Diego: He just SHOT someone!

Mc: My murderer muffin!

-

Grace: I'm cold.

Aleister: Here, have my jacket

Mc: Hey, I'm cold too.

Jake: What?? [taking off jacket] I fucking told you to bring more fucking layers! But of course you didn’t listen and now [piling scarves on her] now look, I’ve got to make sure you don’t FREEZE to death and [taking somebody else’s hat] how fucking long have you been cold you little shit?you should have said something-

-

Mc: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Mc: What an idiot.

Mc: *realises it's Jake*

Mc: Wait, that's my idiot-

-

Mc: I've only befriended Craig for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

-

Craig: I guess I'm just too tough to cry

Mc: just yesterday you were crying about snakes

Craig: *choking up* they have no arms okay?!

-

Jake: I swear whoever took my favorite green sweatshirt is gonna-

Mc: *walks in wearing Jake's green sweatshirt*

Jake: Go on a date with me and be loved unconditionally

-

Mc: *accidentally bumps against a door*

Jake: Are you okay??!?!!

Mc: It's okay, I'm fine

Jake: *to the door* You stand in Mc's way one more time and I'll make sure to take you down.

-

Quinn: What's wrong Mc? Why are you crying? What happened?

Sean: Are you okay? Did someone make you cry? Who is it? I'll go talk to them if you want me to.

Jake and Estela: WHERE ARE THEY? I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM.

-

Craig: I'm quick at math.

Mc: Okay, what's 38 times 76?

Craig: 24.

Mc: That's not even close.

Craig: But it was quick.

-

Us: the embers of hope thins is so cool, 'cause we can see our friends happy in the future

Pixelberry: ....

Us: :) !!

Pixelberry: ...

Pixelberry: now die to see it happen

-

zahra: can play 12 different instruments, got accepted into Harvard, is organized craig: once ate 15 cold hot pockets in a row, tripped over their shoelaces, claims they can fight 2000 bees

-

Jake losing their temper and about to essentially annihilate anything/anyone in their path. A kiss and gentle hand squeeze from Mc calms Jake down instantly

-

Zahra: we’re engaged

Craig: IN COMBAT

-

Jake: going to plan B? Aleister: technically, that would be plan G. Craig: how many plans do we have? is there like, a plan M? Mc: yeah, but Aleister dies in plan M. Jake: I like plan M.

-

“And when you finally make it to the other side, you’ll be the queen you always carried inside you…”    

-

Craig: do you know how many bones the human body has? it’s 206. we start with 369 when we’re babies but they fused. wouldn’t you want to go back? have as many bones as a baby? what if i could help you

Mc: hi yeah what the actual, literal, genuine fuck does this mean

-

Jake: I don’t fall in love easily

Mc: *smiles at him*

Jake: *in awe*

-

Raj: Hello Mc, Michelle

Mc:

Michelle:

Raj: You may be wondering why Craig is taped to the ceiling-

-

Craig: *kicks the door down looking panicked*

Mc: What did you do?

Craig: NOBODY DIED.

Mc: WHAT KIND OF AN ANSWER IS THAT?!

-

Mc:  *staring silently out the window as it rains* Jake:  She looks so deep in thought, I wonder what’s going on in that big, beautiful brain of hers Mc, thinking:  Warm water tastes round and cold water tastes pointy.

-

Zahra: Jake won’t get out of his room. Mc: Just tell him I said something. Zahra: Like what? Mc: Anything factually incorrect. Jake, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a fucking planet-

-

Mc: when we walk together please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you. please think of my little legs when we walk because I don’t want to jog to keep up with your leisure pace, you TITAN. Craig: just get some roller skates and hold onto my sleeve, we don’t have all day

-

Mc: Jake, what’s for dinner?

Jake: *staring at a plate of burnt food* regret

-

Police Officer: Miss, you’re receiving a ticket for trying to fit 11 people on a car

Mc: Dang

Craig: Wait, 11?

Police Officer: Yes

Craig: OH MY GOD

Police Officer: Sir are you alri-

Craig: ALEISTER FELL OFF

-

Craig: trust me I know what I’m doing 

Mc: not even God knows what you’re doing

-

Craig: *sets the kitchen on fire*

Quinn: where’s the responsible adult?

Jake: he’s asleep on the couch

Mc: don’t worry guys, I got this. hand me a bucket of water

Mc: *dumping water on Sean* WAKE UP, THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE

-

Mc: You spent our entire life savings on dogs?!

Craig: They’re golden retrievers. They retrieve GOLD. I did this for us

-

Mc: ASDFGHJKL 

Aleister: what is that 

 Mc: it’s a keyboard smash 

 Aleister: how do I do it 

 Mc: just press anything 

 Aleister: 8

[cannibalisticskittles]

YES!!!!! god i wish we had gotten more than just the tiniest taste of matilda's real motivations because it drives me nuts speculating about what the fuck her deal was. she genuinely cared to an extent (and don't even get me started on the line she can give you at a high enough friendship level where she tells you you remind her of one of her kids) but she also had to be so manipulative and calculating (the annoyance i imagine pen had when matilda announced that she wanted the civil corps to conduct that investigation into possible hidden water..... like, what a way to make it clear that she's casting suspicion off of herself and will 100% leave pen and miguel to take the blame if anything is discovered. and yet, it had to have been expected on his part as well. aughhh, what that dynamic would've been like behind closed doors -- fascinating). just.... committing completely to the sweet, caring minister persona and then switching easily to the poor, caring mother while she's also trying to get logan to turn on you and smash you to death with a goddamn robot............

pen using the relic weapon against howlett makes. a hell of a lot more sense than him pummeling him without them, lmao. but YES it still comes out to the same result -- killing someone for the sake of duty and preventing them from ruining the mission, with absolutely no challenge or sport in it.

i want. to have words with the english localization team. what the fuck is UP with some of these choices, huh??? what's with the insistence that he has parallels with gaston?? where??? where are these supposed parallels??? he's strong and he has an ego, sure, but he's also a competent and dedicated soldier?? he lies with an ease that even grace can't detect?? (altho. c'mon girl. really. really??? you can't see through that 12 lovers thing??? okay.) i would kill for a compilation of differences that happened via translation, god.

and of course, what else is there to say about the dropped experimentation stuff except that i DIE.

On the topic of songs that makes one think of Pen, I feel that "For the departed" by Shayfer James, though not a perfect fit for him, works in regard to him forcing the builder away by acting cruel, and him possibly feeling like he has to follow through with his role as a villian to sandrock because he has already done so many terrible things. (Though admittedly I'm probably in headcanon territory right now)

I don't think it's headcanon territory at all! He basically confirms that by saying this:

He knows his list of murders (and it's pretty long, according to Avery) makes it terribly complicated for him to be accepted back into society. Miguel and Larry are forgiven because they never killed anyone - they tried to, yes, but they never actually managed to. Their hands are still clean, so they are considered still "redeemable".

Meanwhile Pen is stuck in some weird limbo thanks to Pathea. I mean, they could have made him just a war criminal (but remember, he's a war criminal for the Alliance. In Duvos he's a hero, and Duvos is full of good, hopeful people, too), without any ties to Howlett's death.

In that case, since he didn't kill anyone related to the other characters, his crimes would have been less "heavy" (like with Aadit from MTAP, who is implied to be the Knight, but who can still marry you and have babies with you). It would have been like: "Yeah, he's a murderer, but he never killed anyone we know and he's ready to change for the Builder, so..." "Yeah, Miguel tried to shoot Logan, but everything worked out in the end, so..." "Yeah, Larry the Geegler tried to kill us, but he never did and now he needs our help, so..."

And Pen actually mentions this slight, but crucial nuance if you choose another dialogue option:"Ouch, though, Skinny! I mean, I thought we were at least still kinda cool. I mean… I didn't even kill anyone you know personally! Or you!"

But since he killed Logan's dad (and Logan is the poster boy of the game, the perfect man who can do no wrong and who brings Pathea so many sweet dollars), he's reduced to cartoon villain tier.

[mxtxfanatic]

Alright, another character breakdown! Keep in mind that as long as this list is, this definitely is not all of the major players in the book. Because there are just sooooooo many characters, I’m choosing to highlight the ones I remember and care about the most (SPOILERS AHEAD for character deaths):

Xiao Fangxu: great dad, damn his death hurt me

Xiao Jiming: still cannot believe he guessed his brother had a crush based on his BLINKING PATTERNS LMAOOOOOO

Gu Jin: hope he got that girl he got ratted out about, cause after all this, he deserves the rest

Ding Tao: baby boy 🥺

Chen Yang: glad he got it together and stopped with the petty shit

Tantai Hu: there were a few moments I thought he was gonna fall from grace, but a true testament to the idea that honesty pays

Li Xiong: BABY 🥺🥺🥺

Qi Huilian (Grand Mentor Qi): did not realize how important he would become and when I did, did not realize that he’d be KILLED; honestly, a completely unexpected death for me

Ji Gang: man’s been through so much but STILL is dedicated to fathering all these orphaned sons. Best dad award right here

Fei Sheng: finally got a life and sense of self-worth, but at what cost?

Qiao Tianya: never thought being told you could be a monk could be considered a threat

Yao Wenyu: i hate the emotions he’s made me (and Qiao Tianya) feel, knowing he’s already come to terms with death and ain’t feeling the shit himself

Kong Ling: you worked so hard not to be the personal advisor of a conquerer just to end up the personal advisor of an emperor LOL

Yin Chang: genius af, funny as hell, how you a grown man afraid of baths??? His death hurt

Qi Zhuyin: BIG QUEER ENERGY

Hua Xiangyi (Third Missy/Hua the Third): surprise high femme queen sneak attack!

Lu Guangbai: reminds me of the pets from Homeward Bound, never doubted him for a second

Lei Jingzhe: he really had me there for a second; epic death

Hasen: alright, we get it! The bad guys have families too! They’re also human! Stop beating me with it—! (another painful death even as I knew it was inevitable)

Duo’erlan: ok coming in clutch at the last second to steal a spot as one of the most badass characters! Was praying HARD they didn’t kill her…

Xue Xiuzhuo: good longterm adversary, i wish him a very fuck you, asshole

Fengquan: massive security oversight: man worked under a man who plotted the emperor’s assassination, his “sister” assassinated the succeeding emperor, and y’all bring him back AGAIN to work under the third emperor??? But you’re surprised he’s the hidden assassin????

Ling Ting/Li Jianting: poor girl

Jiran: cute last minute baby addition!

Xiao Chiye: best soldier, best uncle, best brother, best son, best partner, best—

Shen Zechuan: nobody deserves the throne more than him, fucking fight me Xue Xiuzhou

Xiao Chiye x Shen Zechuan: fan-fucking-tastic power couple, round of applause for their resounding success and the fantastic sex!

Overall a great book if you love political intrigue mixed with a little bit of war action. Violence isn’t too gratuitous, and there are trigger warnings for the worst of it. The characters are characters, and there is never a dull moment in this book. I did find it weird, though, that everything was trigger warned for except the two moments of noncon and dubcon between the major couples, but that may have been a translator thing? Either way, I’d watch any drama adaptation of this.

[candied-cae]

I know almost every single person in the OFMD fandom is interpreting Izzy a little bit different. Aka we're all spotting different amounts of, or focusing differently on, these traits:

Being a literal homophobe and racist

In love with Ed and jealous

Just trying to do his fucking job seriously and no one is helping

Sexually frustrated bc he's been trying to get topped by Ed for years

Obsessed with having total control over everyone around him

Mad/Worried about Ed suddenly changing in a way he doesn't understand

etc.

I was already pretty firmly in the "Izzy is overall a bad person but also he's seems to be a lil in love with his boss in a way that's entertaining" camp, But as I'm rewatching it - I think I'm going further into "Izzy is just a bad person who's obsessed with control".

A little point of this, is when Ed tells him to go to the Republic of Pirates and bring Stede in so he can meet him, and he starts saying no. Izzy sighs and asks Edward if they could "just send the boys" to do it. Idk fam, but if Izzy was super in love with Edward, why not do the stuff he tells you to do? Even if it's a little inconvenient, you might follow command without hesitation to prove how good you are and do the job well to earn praise. But no, he tries to push back on the orders, and tries to change Edward's mind on how to do things. But he doesn't push too far; to stay in control, Edward can't doubt him.

But the main part that convinced me, is because I'm remembering that he was totally fine with Edward literally abandoning the pirate life, as long as he killed Stede to do it and left his legacy and his crew to Izzy. That doesn't really seem like a thing someone who's in love with his captain would be cool with. He's also not super effected when Ed seems genuinely interested in the idea of killing himself because he's so bored. That's something you should be concerned about if you love someone.

Those are things you might be less distraught by if your primary focus is just amassing power.

He definitely could've convinced himself that he had a right to Edward, that he was the only one who knew what was good for him, that Izzy Hands deserved to tell Edward what to do. So when Edward starts rebelling, it makes him furious. Here he is, having spent so many years of his life dedicated to proving to Edward that he was to be listened to, and now Edward won't listen. He's going off and making friends with people who are telling him not to follow Izzy's rules, he's not making good on his promise to step down and pass the throne to Izzy, and Izzy's being disrespected by the other people on the ship.

The only control he (sort of) has left is over Ivan and Fang, so when he decided to try and scare Edward back into following his orders, he pulls the two of them to his side and has an intervention so they can not only accuse him of being weak, but guilt trip him as well. And it still doesn't work.

So obviously he's lost his emotional hold on Edward, so he'll just have to physically take it back, enter the plan to defeat Stede in combat so he'll have to be respected and followed again. And then that doesn't work.

So he sends Calico Jack, someone Edward has known even longer than him, to ease him back into Izzy's open arms. That doesn't work.

Even when they are about to watch Stede be killed by the British Navy, even then Edward jumps in the way and calls for an act of grace...

He completely lost control of Edward.

He thought he'd be able to get it back when he proved that he knew better and was better than Stede Bonnet, but that didn't matter to Ed. Ed leaves to join the King's forces for 10 years, and there's no sloppy emotions about it, and idk about you, but if the guy I was in love with was abandoning every part of him I recognized for someone I thought was unworthy and I believed I may not see him for 10 years, or ever again: I'd be a mess, despite my best efforts. But Izzy's not, because Izzy never really cared about Edward, he cared about being in charge. And when Edward and Stede leave, he's left in charge. But he does a pretty shit job of it. And when the crew is about to kill him and retake their control, Edward returns, and spares him. That's his in.

Edward was emotional, alone, soft, and hurt now, Izzy would be able to regain control here. Easily. All he needed to do was rial him up, scare him just enough that he closes off again. Goes back to being the dutiful Blackbeard who does the job and doesn't waste time with all the emotional stuff. And when they're alone again Izzy is able to string him to follow orders easily. When you've been manipulating someone for years, and they finally lost the things they we using to escape, it's second nature to do what'll bring them back to heel.

Even when Ed hears the crew who loves him calling for him to come back on deck for fun, he's alone in those captain quarters mulling over what Izzy said to him.

And yeah, Izzy is prolly hot for the power Blackbeard has, but I don't think it's really anything close to love, it's an attraction to this force he's sure he has command over.

P.s. Shout out to this post by @bellasmommyissues: I started this draft over a week ago and wasn't really sure if I was going to finish it, especially since it's a sorta unpopular take... But I saw their post and it convinced me I wasn't crazy for seeing more of Izzy's love of control vs love of Blackbeard, so I sat down and finished the damn thing.

More OMFD

[austronauts]

Hi

I don't know if you do this kind of stuff, but I've been following (stalking a little, sorry) your blog for a bit now, and I was wondering what your favourite Geno moments are and if you are willing to share them?

If you're not comfortable with this, then you can ignore this.

omg i wOULD LOVE TO SHARE and first of all thank you for finding my stream-of-consciousness shitposts on this blog worthy of your time 😭😭😭

i do have so many favorite geno moments and, although i'm sure i'll forget a bunch of them because i haven't had my coffee yet, they are:

so. simply - geno was the first hockey player i ever EVER fell in love with. The way he skates with almost a languorous looming grace that belies his speed and strength? the way he's capable of seemingly appearing out of nowhere to effortlessly dance his way through a battalion of defenders to slot the puck in the back of the net? I don't know exactly what it was or how to put it in words. but the moment I saw a random pittsburgh penguins game on tv, i just felt this pang of something that made me want to learn everything about him.

his pierogi making session for local tv lmao. he's SO LANKY AND YOUNG AND SARCASTIC AND FUNNY AND FLIRTY HERE. the way he chops the cabbage takes me tf out

the local CAR COMMERCIAL the pittsburgh penguins filmed that is literally the most cringe thing i have EVER SEEN. max talbot's terrible facial hair? and the way geno doesn't say a single WORD - just looms with a terrifyingly awkward smile hanging off his mouth. it makes me cackle everytime. i ADORE HIM.

"Has big taste"

I don't have the exact photo rn - but the photo of him making out with a girl where he is fucking. wearing. a SIDNEY CROSBY T-SHIRT. you just can't make this shit up about them.

the time where they interviewed geno about being snapped by paparazzi making out with his then gf on the beach, and geno simply responded "yeah and i looked HOT. GOOD FOR THEM"

The Spittin Chiclets (cw: Barstool sports) interview with Sidney Crosby - sooo many funny stories about Geno are told here. The one about Geno not knowing the names of his teammates makes me laugh the hardest.

THE TIME EVGENI BOUGHT HUMAN-SIZE ALIEN V. PREDATOR FIGURINES AND PLACED THEM OUTSIDE TO FLANK BOTH sIDES OF THE ENTRANCE TO HIS HOME AND LEFT THEM FOR YEARS TO RUST . AND HOW HE NAMED THE BIGGER ONE OVI AND THE SMALLER ONE KUZNETSOV. also this entire video is SO CUTE

I adore the first minute of this video and have watched it so many times. PLEASE. the way he - almost affronted - exclaims "BECAUSE I NICE GUY. YOU SEE MY FACE? AND IM LOOKIN GOOD!"

oh god i just unlocked another early memory. this must have been the year where ovi and geno had beef? but in every pens v. caps game, ovi would check geno SO aggressively and i would get SO PROTECTIVE OVER my 6'3" hulking russian man lmao. i guess it's not a favorite moment per se but that entire season undoubtedly cemented my protective love for geno

the time geno wON THE HART TROPHY and dedicated it to sergei gonchar. you can see the emotions in gonch's eyes. and to see how fuckin NERVOUS geno is. i want to EAT him.

the time geno was preparing for his Dapper Dan trophy speech and he is SO. SO. NERVOUS. and then teh way he gets up there and just starts speaking in russian as a joke then giggles. GODDD he's so unbelievably precious. GOD. he even slides a few jokes (at talbot's expense, of course) into his speech

I genuinely love Geno's sense of humor and his sly deadpan sarcasm and love for fucking with his teammates lmao. The story about how his teammates used to invite Geno out to dinner when Geno was new to pittsburgh kills me? how Geno always responded "da" or "$" ...and didn't show up when he responded "da" and showed up when he responded "$"? THIS MAN!

Related to #13, the way bullying is Geno's love language fills my gremlin heart with delight. In all the videos with Sidney - the dynamics of their interactions are so consistent. Sidney - earnest appreciation. sincere supportive vibes. Geno - AHAHAaaHAA SIDNEY BOOOOOOOOOO sidNEY WHY YOU DO THAT AHAhahaHAHAAH I WIN SIDNEY YOU SUCK BOOOOOOOOO Sidney - [helpless giggling and honking laughs because sidney genuinely believes geno is the funniest person on this planet.

The time Geno thanked himself for the assist on the Penguins' instagram post congratulating sidney's 1000th career game

The time Sidney cried during the 1000th game tribute video and said "I'm going to cry" or something along those lines and Geno just simply said "Yeah me too." THEY. THEM.

Also - in spite of his deadpan sense of humor and love for irony and sarcasm and trolling - the way he has always. ALWAYS always aLWAYS always ALWAYS ALWAYS made it clear that he only ever wants to play with sidney, and that to him sidney is the best.

i KNOW im missing so much but these are the top geno moments that swim around in my brain 24/7 :-)

[eldritchtouched]

I’m annoyed with how weird some of the cut content is with Elden Ring, because it feels like they cut a lot of substantial questline stuff last second.

What annoys me about this is because of “conservation of detail,” like Chekhov’s gun. A story or a game is not like real life, it is a crafted thing, and thus you should strive to include things that are part of the narrative, instead of having random stuff that’s heavily elaborated on/detailed without it having any relevance whatsoever. It’s because of how having random shit just there for no reason (i.e. not tone, characterization, plot, etc.) fucks with the pacing of a story and how it can lead audiences astray when it wasn’t intended. It’s the reason why, in games, they scale down the world- nobody wants to spend hours traveling areas that have nothing to do with anything and have nothing going on.

Kale’s the first merchant you meet and tied to all the others and helps you with an early quest (first talking with Blaidd, which leads to the stuff with the Evergaol) and Kale acts as a small hint that you should do crafting, but then he basically does nothing despite why the nomads are where they are and the implications of one of the endings. He was originally going to have a quest that dealt with the genocide of his people. But it’s on the cutting room floor.

Varre is your first friendly NPC and his early stuff implies that he’s going to be important like Gideon and Melina and Ranni are, acting as a sort of guide for the player and discussing the issue of Grace, the Tarnished following the Two Fingers, etc... only for his quest to stop once he gives you the Mohgwyn seal and the only thing left to do with him is invade and kill him.

Malenia is notable for how much she is a focus in the art and such... but she doesn’t have her own quest in the final game. Her daughter, Millicent, gets a quest (and it requires going to the Haligtree, admittedly). Nearly everything was cut for Malenia in the game. Like, no wonder a group of people stan Radahn! Radahn actually got a quest, despite him basically being braindead and his death has a tangible impact on the world state. Malenia as she stands now is only there as a hard fight and a way to get Miquella’s needle for reversing the Frenzied Flame ending if you get cold feet (if you can beat her, you do not need her rune). Your character doesn’t know her in the final game. You just show up and beat the shit out of a woman who was, until you disturb her, sleeping. While this works for any “your character is a murderhobo” characterization, it doesn’t work for any other kind of character. Before it was cut, it seems your character and she originally knew each other if you got to that point.

Miquella was actually going to have an ending, too, and he was also going to be an in-narrative explanation for the spirit ashes being taken from peoples’ dreams (as Saint Trina). And, to be honest, I would rather have that ending than any of the others, because my philosophy is closest to his (that all kinds of life is worthy of existing, “whether graceful, or malign” in Miquella’s cut dialogue) and some of Ranni’s stuff feels too much like abandoning responsibility for fixing all the broken shit to me. But this leads to really confusing stuff where there’s so many in-game resources dedicated to the Haligtree and Malenia and Miquella, and yet... nearly nothing comes of it. It’s just... there. I’m hoping DLC happens where they add an ending with them, but this is still weird. It feels keenly like there’s something missing because of how much effort was dedicated to making the Haligtree and its surrounding area, yet so little comes of it.