#also hello i saw stories in here from awhile ago

[spaciebabie]

Who are the ppl you currently simp for? Asking for a friend trust me bro you will NOT see any stories in your inbox in the next 3 months

LOL well as of late anya mouthwashing, as of forever springtrap, hmmm. i cant think of any others rn.

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk In Heels

AN: Hello, everyone! Hope you're all doing well. I'm sorry for taking forever to update. There was moving and chaos and continued chaos that I will not be getting into, but I just wanted to thank everyone for their patience and support. It really means a lot to me that people actually enjoy my writing and my story.

With that being said, I hope this chapter is okay. I was having a hard time with it. For some reason when I'm writing it just feels like the words are so repetitive and boring. Hoping that isn't the case. Also, forgive me for any mistakes there may be. At some point when this story is all done I plan to edit things I may have missed going through the first time around. Enjoy!

Ps, my wifi kind of sucks so I couldn't view the gif I picked very well. Hope it's okay for all of you.

-Los Illuminados, 2004-

Chapter 21:

The relief you felt when you finally saw Ada as she hurried through the church gate was immense. The villagers had been circling the area, and were a little too close for your liking. You had, luckily, managed to keep yourself hidden.

“Ada!” You whisper-yelled, gaining her attention without the other villagers noticing. As she locked eyes with you, it was clear to you that you both were equally relieved to see each other.

“Y/n! Are you alright?” She studied your figure in search of any obvious injuries. Finding just slight scratches, she seemed satisfied enough with your current state.

“I'm fine. But I have some bad news.” A particularly loud shout from a villager nearby spooked you and made you walk further away, dragging Ada along by her arm.

“Relax, dear. I took some of the ones surrounding the area down. Only a few stragglers here and there, but they won't be any match for us.” She said calmly. It helped soothe your nerves for a moment, until you remembered the bad news you were trying to share. 

“What happened?” Ada asked. “What's the bad news? I assume it has something to do with Luis, considering he isn't here with us right now.” 

You sighed in defeat. “You're right. It is about Luis. He got jumped by the villagers just after I got here. I wanted to help, but there were just too many for me to even attempt to take down. He told me to wait for you to get here before we go after him. I'm sorry, Ada.”

She gently placed a hand on one of your own and squeezed it reassuringly. “Don't apologize. I don't blame you. I believe you when you say there were too many. I found out from Wesker that the heightened activity is likely due to the president's daughter being in town.” She explained. Your eyes widened.

“The president's daughter? They kidnapped her?” 

Ada nodded in confirmation. “They did. And not only that. We have a friend who happens to be in Los Iluminados as well.”

A friend? Confused, you asked her, “Who?”

“You don't want to guess?” She sarcastically responded. The playful attitude and the smirk upon her face would be endearing and entertaining, if you weren't so crunched for time.

“I doubt we have time for that.”

“Not like we have many friends, dear.”

You shrugged with a nod. “Good point. Has to be…” you rack your brain, going through all your danger prone friends. Could be Jill. But you highly doubted that. Last you heard from her, she was on a mission with Chris Redfield. That was only a couple of weeks ago. Claire? You didn't think so either. It's been awhile since you've kept tabs on her, but you couldn't think of any reason on why she would be here.

“Leon?” You guessed.

“Ding ding ding, we have a winner. First guess too. I'm impressed.” 

You hadn't seen Leon Kennedy since after Raccoon City, when you both had gone your own ways after he decided to risk asking the military for help. Since then, you and Ada had heard things about him here and there. How he now worked for the government as a sort of super soldier. Given his prior experience with his police training and the infected in the city, they decided he would be a valuable asset. Someone they just couldn't part with. 

This was all supposed to be top secret, but your girlfriend is Ada Wong. She could get whatever information she wanted.

“He must be here for the President's daughter.” 

“My thoughts exactly. I'm actually glad he is here. His presence provided a nice distraction to keep the townsfolk occupied while I made my way to the church.” She explained. Those gunshots must have been his then. Never the subtle one.

Speaking of gunshots. You and Ada both startled when you heard them once again, only this time the sound was closer.

Ada grabbed a hold of your waist with one arm and used the other to aim with her grappling hook. She hooked it to the church steeple and then you were both zipped up, landing on your feet with practiced precision.

She put away the grappling hook as the gunshots continued. “Sounds like he could use a little help.” Ada said, quickly jumping down to grab the rope to the church bell. You followed shortly after her and covered your ears in preparation of the noise.

Ada pulled the rope once and let it ring. Both of you watched as the townspeople made their way to the inside of the church. They acted as if they were in a trance. Or moths to a flame. From where you stood, Leon was just as confused by their behavior as you and Ada were.

“That's weird. How did you know that would happen?” You wondered.

Your girlfriend shrugged, “I didn't. I just figured the sudden noise would confuse them, giving him enough of a distraction to get out of there. Worked better than I thought it would.” She finished with a smirk. More of a confused, yet proud, smirk rather than amused. 

With all the villagers inside, you and Ada both went to return to the mission at hand. Just before you were fully out of earshot, you heard a comment that amused you greatly.

“Where did everyone go? Bingo?” Leon snarked.

You were so unprepared for it.

“HA!” The sudden cackle that lame comment got out of you was far too loud for your comfort. And Ada's, judging by her reaction. She covered your mouth with her hand to muffle the sound, giving you a stern glare. But her lips, too, twitched with amusement.

You watched as Leon looked around for the source of the noise, but quickly moved on after having no luck.

“Don't worry, Leon. First time's free.” Ada muttered. She removed her hand from your face after she deemed it safe enough to do so. “You could have blown our cover with your unworldly cackle, my love.” 

You huffed another quiet laugh. “Sorry. I just wasn't expecting it. I usually expect comments like that from you.” 

Your response to her gentle, and clearly not too serious, chastising made her smile as she grabbed a hold of your waist once more and zipped you both back down to the ground. She continued the conversation once you've both landed.

“As if you don't tend to also make inappropriately timed jokes during stressful situations. I admit, I am a little jealous that he got such a reaction out of you. Should I be worried?”

Her hand gently brushed some of your hair away from your face, before dropping it back down to her side. You blushed, shaking your head and snorting at her joke. 

She grinned again. “Clearly I shouldn't be. I doubt he could get such an adorable blush and a snort from you.”

Your blush deepened and you sighed. “Stop it.” 

“Why? I practically live for your reactions. Don't know how I ever survived all those years without your little huffs and sighs.” Her grin turned mischievous, knowing damn well what her flirty tone and words implied. 

And knowing that your blush will not go away because of it.

Evil. Ada Wong is beyond evil.

A sudden ring from the radio in Ada's possession interrupted your, admittedly, completely off track conversation. Ada frowned and answered the call.

“We just lost Luis's signal somewhere in the vicinity of the forest. Expect the worst.” 

You hear Wesker drawl, frowning at the implication. You hope Luis isn't dead. Your guilt at getting distracted just a few moments ago worsened at the thought. Now wasn't the time to play around.

“That's near Méndez, isn't it? He has a house there. Could be worth taking a look.” Ada suggested. You nodded in agreement when her eyes met yours in a silent question.

“Do it. I'll see what I can find from my end.” With that, Wesker hung up the call. Ada put the radio away with a sigh.

“Should have known this entire mission would be trouble. We should get going.”

“Agreed.” 

With that, you two went on with your mission, away from the church.

—

Clemente's Appeal

Master,

If you pay it some thought, it is unusual that Isidro let me go.

Ever since that beast in the black robe struck me with something, I have been feeling strange. I have started seeing things, having visions. The sky itself looks like that of another world. 

And then, that thing comes. Only now there are many. Hundreds.

Master, I beg you! Please! Is there a way to escape this horror?

“Find anything interesting?” The sudden voice broke your concentration. You jumped, startled, looking up from the letter in your hands to Ada. She was taking anything of interest or value from the room you were in. 

The room itself was creeping you out. The light fog on the floor, along with the candles and human skulls set almost casually in crates and tables, made you feel on edge. Or maybe it was just this village in general making you feel so on edge.

“A note about a beast in a black robe. I was thinking it might be the one that attacked us back at the castle.”

You paused, remembering the moment Ada covered you from the exploding substance that had, in turn, hit her. Just a couple drops, but enough to worry you after what the letter said. “You aren't seeing things, are you?”

“Seeing things?”

“You know, seeing things that aren't there. The note mentioned seeing multiple of the same beast in the black robe. And a weird sky. Did you see anything like that?” You asked, handing the note over for her to read.

She paused, avoiding eye contact with you as she took her sweet time reading the note you'd found. She can read much faster than that. Already you knew something was up.

Looking back at you, though still avoiding eye contact, she shook her head and smiled. That smile would fool anyone else into thinking everything was fine, but it didn't fool you.

“No. Haven't seen anything like that.” Her tone was off. Only slightly higher than usual. 

She's hiding something.

“You're lying, Ada.” She sighed in defeat, knowing there would be no convincing you otherwise. “Tell me, what happened?”

“Truthfully… I don't know. After you left is when the visions happened. My surroundings became distorted and that black robed thing multiplied in the middle of the fight before it disappeared.”

“So you didn't kill it?” 

“No. It left before I could.” Ada clarified.

“And have you seen anything weird since the fight?”

“Define weird? We're only completely surrounded by it.” She joked weakly, attempting in vain to lighten mood.

You frowned in disbelief. “Stop it. You know I don't joke when it comes to your wellbeing. Have you seen any visions of the creature since the fight?”

“No, I haven't.” She shook her head. “You know, it could have just been a one off thing.”

“Possibly.” You tiredly responded. You softened when Ada placed her hand on your shoulder, attempting to bring some sort of comfort. “Just tell me if you have any more visions.” 

“Yes ma'am.” You shoved her arm in response to her sarcastic salute. She smirked and put the letter away with her other belongings.

—

Ada eventually led you both out to the empty town center, where there appeared to be the charred remains of a man that was quite recently burnt at the stake. The sight gave you pause. 

“So, they're just burning people alive now? Is this a sacrificial offering to the Plaga or something?” You wondered out loud, not expecting an answer. Though, you still turned to face Ada when you didn't hear any comment from her. 

She was looking around frantically, a slight look of fear on her, normally stoic, face.

“Ada? Are you al-” Your question was interrupted by her gripping her head in pain, stumbling in place. You immediately bolted to her and held her steady by the arms. 

All too suddenly, she pushed you away and did a roundhouse kick to the air, as if something was behind her. She backed away in confusion when she realized nothing was there. “How…?”

“Ada. You're seeing it, aren't you? It's here.” You looked for it, turning around and making eye contact with the giant insectoid in the black robe behind you. 

“Help me out, dear, and point me to the real one.” Ada gasped, taking her gun out, ready to destroy the creature that was messing with her head.

So, with a shotgun in hand, that is exactly what you did. You did your best to help Ada differentiate between the visions and the real deal while simultaneously avoiding the attacks it sent your way. Especially avoiding any mysterious goo it attempted to shoot your way. You both didn't need to be seeing multiple.

Finally, your teamwork weakened the beast enough for one of you to take the shot. The subtle fury on Ada's features made you allow her to do the honors. Pistol in hand, she took the shot…

And missed. How did she miss it? Ada Wong doesn't miss. Your concern grew when she dropped the gun and stumbled once more, clutching her head in pain. 

Angry, you aimed the shotgun at the creature. You didn't even get the chance to pull the trigger before it slapped you with its enlarged claw, knocking you away from it. Your head ached as you crashed it with a painful slam to the ground, right next to the charred human remains. 

You groaned, blinking rapidly to clear your vision and watching as the black robed creature made its escape. Forcing yourself to your feet, you quickly ran over to check on Ada.

She picked up her dropped pistol with confusion clouding her features. And, though she would never admit it, you could tell she was scared. 

“What is wrong with me?” She muttered. She glanced up once she noticed your presence, backing a few paces away from you when you attempted to comfort her. “Stop. Keep some distance.”

That reaction from Ada surprised you. “Ada-”

“I don't want to hurt you.” She firmly stated. “Clearly I'm not in full control of myself. That thing stopped me from killing it somehow.”

You hummed, understanding her worries, but not wanting her to distance herself from you either. “I guess it does more than just show you things. But it's gone for now, Ada. You don't have to worry about hurting me.” 

Slowly, as to not make her back away, you walked forward and grabbed her hand that wasn't holding the pistol. Nothing bad happened. You held her hand in a tighter hold. “See? Nothing. You don't have to worry so much. We'll figure this out together, okay?”

She nodded. “We will. But first, we find Luis.”

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Heroin addiction hello,

this is me my name is heroin, I am more expensive than gold, but you will pay more for me. I’m like a diamond you want me you you wanna wear me you wanna wear me all over your body you wanna be me you wanna be inside my body, you want me to take the pain away like a hug like a hug used to do like a kiss like being in love used to, my name is Cherry and I’m a heroin addict I’m not some 12 stepper I kind of wish I was so I kind of wish I didn’t get the vibe that it was a cult , but maybe it is but who said all Colts are bad well this person right here was see. I’m also autistic I have a strong time of the past, I’ll tell you what this addiction has taken everything away from me. Let’s go back and let’s go back to 10 years ago. Roughly let’s go to the 3rd of December 2012 when I met this man who to this day, I can’t get out of my head see this man🕰️ introduced me to this awful awful thing, but at the same time he kept me away distance control. Yes I get it on the first night I met this man me off my feet. I was telling him about my situation ship and he was very compassionate. He was very understanding and it sort of Started there and went on the next five years, I was hooked line and sinker .

So the first night I met this man he was with my friend I met with, and I can still tell you everything about it that night it had to be one of the best nights of my life as I sit here now with tears in my eyes, five years later, I remembering things when I write, I wanted to be writer when I write I want to I remember And I started my life story again I’ve been with him for awhile see you inspired me be a bad person being with me and made me wanna be better and we had this little secret but let’s go back to the question because I’m very good at track no drugs happened it was just drinking Maybe smoking weed because I did back then but I was just talking it was like talking to someone I’d know my whole life and when you’re autistic this doesn’t happen often I hadn’t been diagnosed then but he had both bonded over the fact that we both had personality disorders and that we didn’t fit into society boxes, but now as I see it, I see it. I do but This man had a complete control over me. He had literally just had a baby with somebody who he’d been with for 10 years. He told me it was over, but yet they just had a baby a month prior premature, I didn’t want to take this woman’s man I didn’t want to take away this father, so I said don’t chase me, so on the days that he saw his child up at the hospital still, he would come back really quickly like he hadn’t even been there at all. I know that he had a premature baby. Yes I do I don’t know the whole truth of it I never will Until years though, when I spoke to his ex and I still don’t know the whole truth and why the fuck should she have to tell me anyway but all night he painted her is a villain same as I did with my ex yes as a personality disorder, everyone else is a bad guy You never the bad guy until it all comes tumbling down and you hate yourself and you wanna cut yourself or burn yourself so I trigger on this post but I have to say this I have to be honest with myself I must’ve liked it the fact that my family my family was born into because I don’t have kids that’s another sad part of this story is, I can’t Maybe it’s sick but there you go. They treat this man as an outcast just as much as I treated me as an outcast. I feel he wasn’t allowed to my sisters birthday party even though my sister was married to a literal word rapist still in prison for it now, and all the other sick things he did And my ex or right through this, of course I’ve noticed can also see crazy people who are crazy can always see crazy and others. Neurotypical are very selfish people. The first time I met him. He didn’t use her when he told me about it. apparently he told me about it and anyway I told him not to choose me over his child. Anyway he did we were texting all the time I was texting him. He was writing me love i never had this in my entire life. He literally swept me off my feet and the good thing that happened at the beginning of our relationship was that I went away for a week two days after we met Which made me want him more and vice versa now he probably did stuff I’ve heard he might of he’s married now to this girl. He slagged off for years and shagged. The sister who is 17 when we were together together what we broke up we didn’t properly broke up, but we broke up This is where the comes in we’re living in accommodated living for people who are not very well addicts mentally ill and so on. Anyway, many of the nights I would sneak into his room through the window or he sneak into mine and would lie bad faith, even if there was cameras. Oh he hasn’t asked your random stuff like this and I’ll be like it has. I’ve gone to bed, and obviously it was the most exciting time of my life. I was 23 years 22 years old and absolutely in love. Yes I know they got married at the age of 17 but it wasn’t part. Of course it was in my res autistic and everything was always more dramatic. The next time I’m bigger and better also I thought crazy so we end up getting kicked out of this facility I live there for a year I hadn’t really stayed there. I’d stayed in my mum, still even though she di

So things got out of hand that I’ve got made homeless I’m looking back now I thought it was so unfair and at the time I thought it was unfair. People who got made homeless shouldn’t have got made home as really people who this is all they had and the man I’m with now With living in the shed house with my ex there is four of the houses two of them staffed two of them not! so my partner was in a house without staff and then got put into the room next to me in the staff house which I was in me and my partner and I said maybe it was a distraction from my ex and his past, I will never know the full extent of.

So heroin heroin you ask how did it come into it well slowly that’s what I’ll say slowly he came back one day in a really really bad mood. This is before we got kicked out and started smoking on the bed. I’ve never been a situation I’ve been around hard before and it made me very uncomfortable, especially because I hadn’t touched them so I felt embarrassed and obliged this time I didn’t. I felt safe I felt safe with him. I just did so here it goes we move out and by this point before I go with him I will say I was addicted to sleeping pills on and off and opiates pill, but only pills so I sort of being there, but I wasn’t in the world of dealers drug addicts, horrible people debt, losing friends, and emotionally and because of the addiction. No nothing was that bad yet was destined for this maybe probably who knows I don’t I don’t even know so I will never forget the day I did it because it made life, so like it made sense for the first time in my life. It just made sense everything fit into place. Everything was like this is what it’s meant to be and this is how I should feel it wasn’t overwhelming how I thought it was meant to be, and this is how it traps you guys so don’t do it, it just felt like I had found the key to a door that had been locked 22 years and I had found that key. Obviously not a drug use. very narcissistic you really don’t think it’s gonna be you you just don’t you don’t think it’s going to be you in 1 million years even when you told me all these things via my ex when he told me this is what it’s like. I’m depressed now I can’t feel without it sex drive it fuck it fuck the way you connect with people you lose that connection and when you’re autistic anyway that is hard to have by the beginning it makes that all possible it makes you have emotion it makes you connect it makes you feel like you are invincible, and I always thought the word heroine became from the hero within, it kind of makes sense, wouldn’t it.

So the first time I used it, I smoked it we were living in one of his friends house in the spare bedroom that was freezing cold and the guy was addicted to it. The wife wasn’t they had two children. They had three children but the two children were in the room next to the dad, who is addicted really bad day and ill And this was the first place I used it they thought I was just normal. They didn’t think I touched so when I asked to try it one time when I got kicked off Valium which as you know it’s not very good I’ve got put on after a bad experience. Grape grape by my ex, and it was a short term thing, but I felt awful and I was hallucinating and I was in a really weird way and I also still appealed from my other exes house which led me to be really drooling and off my head and not remembering things in this house anyway, so that’s where I first tried it and for that year when we were living from house to house of people and Sophie spare rooms whatever, was the most exciting time of my life. It was an adventure that I’ve never been in. It was some kind of life experience that I needed for that time, but it led to this really scary time that I live in now so would I take it back? I’m not too sure i’ll lose all these memories, but then I won’t be attached to it so much either. Yeah I’d probably take it because the people I know now I really don’t wanna know I’m telling you something, there’s a lot of really dodgy men in this world who will try and proposition you for sex for money or they will try and do things to you the amount of times I’ve had men do things to me that dodgy sexually, I can’t even fathom it’s very sad, no one should have to go through that. made me feel so protected from the heroin all of it the relationship with that felt amazing, We lived from moment to moment we bonded so deeply our moon 🌙 signs very compatible. we shared everything let’s say so in the five years 2 1/2 of them are good 2 1/2 of them really bad but let’s say this was really severe case of grooming two that felt good though it felt really good because it came with the drugs and it came with the reward system that your brain creates of Doberman, but after a while your break your brain needs a pleasure and reward centre to survive. It’s like breathing it felt amazing. I felt so good every time I felt so good he he controlled my habits so I didn’t get too bad so I would get high probably off. Let’s say £10 worthb or £20 worth a day, maybe less let’s say less.

Eventually, my family obviously found out because I’m a very honest person and I like why did you say that I’ve noticed addicts are very dishonest people, scum of the Earth and I can’t stand them and they can’t stand me either. They do not like me and I think my ex knew this about them that they wouldn’t like me because he did all the messaging and calls to these people I didn’t know these people were so uptight about a text message, but they are absolutely ridiculous, I wasn’t used to this level of paranoia unless it was in your mind none of these people give a shit about you. I’m talking as 33-year-old me now and not 22-year-old man. It’s been over 10 years can you believe it because I can I mean it could be another lifetime ago and it could be yesterday 22-year-old didn’t know about this. Didn’t know this rule it’s uptight don’t do that and I honestly I hate these people honestly I’m miserable it’s not good for me I’m constantly sad,😔 yeah I mean the end of last year I going to join this astrology course and I have a teacher now at this woman I listen to for years on YouTube who I love I love her way of teaching listening to her on YouTube she was so good at going into it all. I looked up with Darkside zodiac and I found her but anyway I’m gonna tell her I lost friends in my opinion, so basically when I was younger, I was a bit of a goody-goody so that transition into hard-core addict who thought she was Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain with her boyfriend was obviously a massive shock to my friends and family I’m guessing constantly asking for money this day,

They didn’t realise this world opened up, a whole box of things that made me feel better, but a whole shit load of a basement full of crap that came with it. They won’t so yeah, I was a goody goody I didn’t really drink. I didn’t do this I didn’t do that, but I was fun. I was a happy shy girl And I would join in and have a laugh with my friends we would get the stone high part when I used to bring school in into school my sister’s part into my friend and he smoked I didn’t even smoke. Then I didn’t even feel the pressure to smoke. So yeah this was a massive personality change I guess so I always went from group group I was always a bit of a drifter.! point of sticking a needle in my arm, I wasn’t bad in fact I was the opposite of a bad arse you could say but as he has went on things happened and you meet people, my best friend who I be my best friend from the age of 10 made her be my best friend until she agreed. She was my best friend from me from me, her being sick of me, trying to ask it probably so I made my first love through her years later 18 years old and he was just schizophrenic and I even got warned off him which was probably the right idea cause this is where my first mental break happened a few years after that so this is why is slowly threatened to do law, and my personality was really changing, and I guess it was very scary for the people around me, so I’d have relationships with people friends whatever, but it always felt forced with this man. It never felt forced. It felt natural, and he would convince me that these people wanted to hurt me, or they weren’t good enough for me or they for I wasn’t good enough for them. He was very clever very very very clever he had me believing all of this shit and so it still this day is in and I can’t get rid of and I think anyone who’s been in a abusive relationship will feel this.

I have put a lot of pressure on my family. I feel like I am loving girl but I don’t have a family like the rest of them all my sisters have children. My brother is happy in a relationship. He is with someone for 11 years and he was very very happy even though he’s my older brother he sometimes feels like my younger brother because he’s so more innocent and I was innocent like he was too Very similar. In fact he was more of a rebel than I was saying I think I wanted to rebel so badly because I never had the opportunity. I mean the first guy I slept with gave me herpes if you want to talk about bad luck, but I thought it was a bad ass then because I was going out of a guy from Bangladesh who was a Muslim who had a restaurant well he didn’t have the restaurant who I was fucking in his restaurant And I thought I was cool. I was getting free curries and then I went to the next shop up the road and it was a Turkish guy who had a gorgeous green eyes. I was obsessed with being in love and not with English man. I thought English men were trash they never fancied me in school. I never had boyfriends, and I lost my virginity at 16.

 so my friends now anyway, who I lost I’ve tried to bring back into my life but they’re not perfect either. I’m not saying they’re perfect but they weren’t drug Alex and we weren’t into people like that. They don’t know anything about people like that when I tell them about the things that have been degraded too, I’m in the last three years I didn’t leave my house because of a sexual assault kind of thing again And it’s very very scary so they couldn’t understand it or comprehend. They didn’t know why I was agitated. They didn’t know why I couldn’t meet up with them till sad times. They didn’t know why I didn’t pick up my phone they didn’t know why I called them at weird hours they didn’t understand it they didn’t understand why I wanted money they didn’t understand why I didn’t have this. They didn’t understand the people that knew I get it. I wish I didn’t even guys They see it though they see what happened, but then I did have one very abusive friend who is a Gemini and she would send me essays with you sometimes and this was before I got with Matt! she could still be very nasty I mean when I got her, she was like really rude about that and telling people I mean what kind of friend does that anyway so she comes and stay with me after a few years of me being with him and we have a nice time. Kind of have a good time, I’m still happy because I’m with him well I think I am anyway she comes down with fake note she was like can you use it cause she knew the olive. It was a bit backwards compared London I was like yeah probably be fine anyway one day we walked into town and I call her from upstairs from my exes flat and she looks horrified on that. Oh God here we go and she looked up annoyed anyway she’s there and a few days later, she’s all happy happy all on her phone and a good mood God. I wish I felt like her with making weed and I was being very paranoid and that’s when I stopped because I’d started smoking crack at this point because my ex couldn’t do heroin any more fuck from injecting and I hated cocaine. I just did it because he did it and he wanted me to owe him money. A lot of these drug addicts Connell is too so you owe the money I offend this. Well I’m too good for it and I know I’m so good for it and I wanna meet the other people who are not like this who are not con artists ! so she is high and she’s like don’t you feel so amazing I didn’t but I pretended yeah for great anyway she doodled all over this night and then she goes he go you can have it as she left to go home. I was like cheers can’t use it for shit now but thanks 🧑‍🎨.

Chapter 1

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Hello!! I saw you mentioned briefly, and quite awhile ago, about a Din Djarin x oc wip. Are you perhaps still working on it? I was interested in reading it and hearing more about this OC!

OMG! 😲😍💖 You remember/found this post! 💕💕💕 You have no idea what it means to me that you are interested in it!!! I honestly am in tears and my heart is bursting! 💗

When I shared that, I only had the person who sent the ask react to it, so I assumed there was no interest in it and I shelved the idea despite loving it. But I have five or six parts planned out (one is even almost completely finished) and would love to get back into it if it is something people might like.

The story would dip in and out of the canon show with some parts being retelling of episodes (including TBOBF) with my OC included while other parts would be completely original and take place between episodes. The presence of my OC would also alter some canon events so the longer the story goes on, the more things will change.

The series is called "Protect What's Mine" and here's a little look at my OC and her relationship with Din as well as a sneak peek at the first part:

Name: Mila Odisu

Face Claim: Bridget Regan

Species: Human

Home World: Tatooine

Age: 36

Height: 5' 8"

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye Color: Bright Blue

After Din rescues the Child from the Client, they begin hopping from planet to planet as they try to outrun the countless bounty hunters tracking them. At one of these stops, a mysterious woman approaches Din and begs for his help getting off planet. While he is hesitant to trust anyone—especially someone so obviously hiding something—the large sum of credits she offers is too much to pass up.

And so, Mila Odisu boards the Razor Crest destined for her new home. But as the three of them are about to discover, home isn't always where—or even who—you expect.

Excerpt from Part 1:

The Child cooed and stuck his head out of the satchel Din was carrying him in that rested against his hip. Carefully, Din eased him back out of sight. So far, they had been lucky and no bounty hunters had stumbled across them on this planet. However, if history had taught him anything, Din knew their luck could change at any moment. And as the Razor Crest came into view, Din slowed. It appeared that moment might have just come. Leaning against the side of his ship was a cloaked figure with a hood pulled low over their face. When they heard Din approaching, the figure straightened and faced him. As Din slowly reached his hand for his gun, a voice rang out, “You are the Mandalorian, I presume.” It was a woman’s voice, strong and firm though with no air of hostility. Yet Din wasn’t taking any chances. “Yes.” Din replied, his hand still on his gun. “Who are you?” Ignoring the question, the woman said, “I heard you were looking for work and I have a job. I need someone to fly me to Pamarthen.” Relaxing very slightly, Din said, “Pamarthen is on the other side of the galaxy and my ship is damaged. It would take me weeks to get you there. I’m sure there are plenty of ships down at the port who would be happy to take you where you want to go.” Din began to walk passed the woman and into his ship. However, her hand shot out and she grabbed his arm. In a low voice, she said, “That is probably true. But they do not offer the same…. anonymity that you can provide. I do not care how long it takes, just get me off this godforsaken rock and I can pay you whatever you ask.” She opened up the coin purse on her hip and held out a few Imperial credits. Din shook his head. “A handful of credits won’t even pay for my fuel to the next planet, let alone to Pamarthen.” “Then how about half a million credits? Would that interest you?” Under his helmet, Din froze. Even though credits had lost most of their value with the fall of the Empire, half a million would still be worth more than he earned in the past five years working for the Guild. Cautiously, Din asked, “What sort of trouble are you in? Who are you running from? My guess would be from whoever those credits really belong to.” The woman’s grasp on Din’s arm tightened as she hissed, “They are mine! I earned them with my blood and my sweat and my tears! And do not worry about the reasons I want off this planet. They will not bring you any trouble. But I must leave and now. So for the benefit of us both, you should take what I am offering.”

[inkyleaf]

BIG Updates & Announcements for the Future

Hello everyone!

We haven’t caught up in a spell, have we? Happy New Year!! This is going to be a long post. I’m not sure if it was noticeable to the larger audience, but 2022 was a tough year for me. Every year is filled with new experiences that test our time, ability, and patience, and there hasn’t been any shortage of life-changing milestones for me in the past several years. But 2022 may take my personal cake so far. 

Attempting to make a long story short, approximately 10 years ago I went through the toughest breakup of my life, with a person I had known for almost a decade prior to that. That event took me many long years to truly get over, I think maybe ~3 years ago is when I finally felt like I had surpassed it inside and out. Well, approximately a year ago, I underwent another breakup. Although the magnitude of the relationship was no where near close to the prior, something about it triggered very similar feelings and dropped my mental health to an all-time low. Realizing that this indicated a problem with me and how I saw myself and the world around me, I began therapy to help rebuild my mental foundation and to help me understand myself better. Of course it’s all still a work in progress, but I would like to believe that I’ve made a ton of progress since then and am hopeful for a mentally fruitful 2023. 

This year-long dip has tanked my writing, I remember I couldn’t even open a word document all throughout summer. And while writing inspiration and motivation will always continue to ebb and flow, I feel like I’m starting to get back on the horse again. The next “TG” post will be #200 and there is something a lil special just like with TG 100. :) 

So what else is new? To celebrate mental health, the upcoming TG 200, and the new year 2023, a few changes are going to occur. Firstly, watermarks. I’ve been posting captions for over a decade at this point and liked to believe that I didn’t need watermarks, that people wouldn’t blatantly repost my captions without permission. This was naïve. Awhile back I did start including a faint “inkyleaf” on the images, but it was small and low effort. Going forward, all captions will have a distinct watermark that I’ve designed over a little while that will hopefully strike you as stylish and act as a seal of quality while also not being too distracting. :)

Second, tags! I know a few people have asked me include more comprehensive tags on my posts to find “archetypes” of stories easier. At this point, including Quickies, over 300 captions/stories have been written, and sifting through them on Tumblr is a pain in the ass. I’m going to be totally honest and this is going to make me sound like a doofus - I didn’t really realize how tags worked on sites like Tumblr/Blogger until I started perusing Blogger a bit more in the past year, and tags are so helpful. My understanding of tags came from YouTube’s early days, where people would think of as many tags as possible solely to earn searches and clicks. Although this may still be true (honestly I don’t even know at this point lmao), it’s not worth it over having a nice comprehensive library of categories to choose from. 

Now, here’s where these two will combine. Over the course of the next year (or two, it could take awhile), I’m going to be posting all of my captions and stories onto Blogger with appropriate tags and will retroactively be fixing the tags on Tumblr to match. On Blogger, I will also be updating the captions with the new watermark! Hopefully this will make my stuff more accessible to more people while also making older stories easier to find and revisit. :) 

Now, here is where I may make some people unhappy, which I apologize for in advance. I started writing captions and stories for patrons on Patreon many years ago, and I’m so thankful for everyone’s pledges! However, as years have passed, my captions and stories have become longer and better. As a result - and to do something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile - I’m going to slightly increase the prices of the $7.50 and $11.50 caption tiers to $10 and $15 respectively. The $1 and $20 tiers will remain unaffected, and all prior payments of 7.50 and 11.50 will remain in tact, no one is losing any requests or anything! This is just for going forward. :) Since I cannot edit payments of tiers while people are pledged, these tiers will be replaced with the new ones, and all patrons will be notified thru Patreon. 

Going forward, I’m also going to be a little more picky with what I chose to write. When I began Patreon, I thought it would be a good idea to expose myself to more ideas from the TGTF world and what people wanted to read. While I was successful in this, I didn’t realize quite how deep and different the rabbit hole could get, and honestly everything is just not for me. Of course I would never shame what anyone is into (how could I write these stories otherwise?), but some topics/themes have come up that took a long time for me to write solely because I just wasn’t super into it, which isn’t being fair to either myself or the patron. I’ll still try to be accommodating and try new things from time to time, just within my own boundaries. I hope everyone understands! ^^; And of course always feel free to ask!

I think that about wraps this up, don’t think I’m forgetting anything. :) Thank you all for reading this and my stories over the years, I’m not sure if I’d still be doing this without you guys. Let’s make 2023 the best year yet! :D

[anyamaris]

Bestieeee what's up? 🥹 I remember sending you a few asks a while ago but tumblr must have eaten them :( that or they were a fever dream because I've been so busy 🥲 ANYWAY how are you?? I've been busy but well and ofc spending my entire paycheck on ateez how good was that comeback??? Seonghwa's been destroying my life recently he's just so pretty ugh can't wait to receive my albums 🫶🏼 also I'm catching up on what you've been posting and I already reblogged your latest yeo fic but I feel the need to scream again because how precious and wholesome was that???? I absolutely adore him my baby 😭😭😭😭

Hope you're doing well and being careful of the cold ❄️❄️❄️

- 🍒

Hello! Oh NO! I haven't received anything, Tumblr why you eats my Nyang?! I hope things get relaxing for you soon!

I've been sick on and off (while I love autumn, I am so prone to getting sick throughout it!) but I'm better now! I've been trying to get over some writers block too, but slowly working through it!

I saw your reblog on my story too, thank you so much for reading and leaving feedback, I adore you!! 🤍💜🤍That story actually has been living in my mind for awhile now so I'm really glad I got the emotions across.

Oof-I am currently at 9 albums purchased and counting, my pocket book is a black hole now. BUT OMG the album?! You just KNOW I'm screaming endlessly over Yeosang.

Seonghwa huh? Yeah he's a menace, when I saw Crazy Form my first comment was, "Here come the Seonghwa armpit enthusiasts!" he looks amazing-they all do! The Loretiny in me is so happy.

You'll have to share your album pulls! I'll throw in my pulls below!

How have you been? How is the season treating you? Do you like christmas? This year has been odd, normally I love gift giving and stuff, but this year I just want to sit in my room and cuddle my Yeosang pillows. Looking forward to hearing back from you and I'm sorry I didn't get the other asks!

My Pulls!:

So much Hongjoong! I got some good pulls this time!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello I saw your grandparent animatronic reader posts (I love them)it got me thinking about it for awhile of grandparent reader so here’s my hc and request

This is my interpretation of grandparent reader so I imagine that they were around since FredBears family dinner as one of three animatronics and were nicknamed as the golden trio.(I also hc that they played the guitar and that instead of plastic casing they have instead a very fluffy soft fur)and in the events from fnaf especially fnaf4 the Trio was broken up because you know FredBear bit a kids head off Bonnie was used to kill children by a murderer then that same murderer died inside him so since grandparent reader never really did anything bad like kill children they were used in fnaf 1 all was history

So my request is that I would think because of how manny presents are around the pizzaplex the animatronics would probably find a present that has a poster of FredBears family diner with grandparent reader as a younger animatronic with no rips and tears in their fur or rusted endo skeleton how would the animatronics separately react to seeing a younger grandparent reader

"Ugh..that kazoo gets annoying after a while." Gregory muttered after the present finally opened, reaching in to take out whatever was inside.

The Glamrock animatronic who was with stood on-guard from behind, keeping a lookout for any danger as he examined the item. But as they looked back and tilted their head to the side, they recognized it as some sort of poster.

It was a mystery how these small wind-up boxes can hold masks, clothes, and jumbo plushies...but they stopped questioning it long ago.

Regardless, it was probably gonna be another useless item to stow away in their chest cavity.

After unraveling it and shaking off the colorful confetti, Gregory saw that it was an advertisement for an old diner back in the early 1980s:

""Fredbear's Family Diner presents...the Golden Trio"? Wow, these guys look ancient." He muttered as he looked at the characters posing in the middle. 

A golden bear.

A golden rabbit with a banjo.

And....you?

Sure enough, it was you standing on the other side of Fredbear. But your plastic casing was fixed and covered in soft golden fur, with a purple bowtie and suspenders as clothing. You still sported that same fixated grin, your teeth shiny and new. 

He noticed that in one hand you held a large red book, but resting beside your leg was an acoustic guitar.

You were a guitarist and a storyteller back then?

“What is it, Gregory? You’ve been looking at it for a while.” The Glamrock speaks up with a tone of curiosity/impatience, and he turns to them with excitement.

“Come look at this! It’s your gramps..I think!” 

And he handed the poster over to...

.......

Freddy

He immediately recognizes you and is surprised.

"Wow..so that's what they looked like back then? And that must be my great-grandpa." He points to Fredbear, smiling, though his heart sinks upon seeing the Bonnie-like character.

Regardless, he's impressed by you pristine condition.

Seems like you were entertaining kids with stories for generations, and to this very day you still did that for him and the others.

Monty

"...wow.”

“Yeah, right? This stuff’s ancient.”

“They're old as hell."

"Monty that's rude >:/"

“It’s the truth, ain’t it?!”

He's intrigued by your guitar, though he’s never seen one that isn’t electric so it confuses him for a minute.

He wonders if you still have it somewhere. That’s something he’ll wanna see for himself.

Chica

She’s amazed.

What a relic! Even though it wasn’t food she’s interested anyway.

The gold and yellow hues remind her of the golden cheese on a pizza and--oops, she’s suddenly hungry again.

“Gregoryyy, do you think there were any chickens or pizza at this diner?”

“I dunno, we’ll have to ask [y/n].”

Roxanne

“Wow, so this is where it alllll started, huh?” She holds up the poster, looking smug.

“Huh, gramps doesn’t look too shabby here. Impressive.”

Gregory’s lowkey shocked she compliments someone other than herself for once.

“But they could’a used a wolf like me back then.”

Nevermind.

[rogueyami]

hi just saw your post about post canon sokka fics from like 3 days ago lol, do you have any that you recommendd? thank uu

Hello! Thank you for the ask :)

Would just like to start off by apologizing that it took me awhile. Life has been so busy lately ;-;

But yes, I do have some fics that I recommend!!

Without further ado, here are my fav Ambassador Sokka/Firelord Zuko fics I've read!

The Fate of Nations in Our Hands by sapphic_ambitions  (T)

Sokka and Zuko's journey with touch over the course of Sokka's first year as the Ambassador.

honestly i just adore this fic and have read it twice.

isn’t this the vision that you wanted by nebulastucky

Firelord Zuko - ender of the Hundred Year War, ruler of the Fire Nation, payer of respects and reparations - takes advice and counsel from representatives of every nation, division, and specialty.

But teenage boy Zuko - friend of turtleducks, wielder of fun looking swords, stumbler over words and feet in the presence of cute boys - only listens to two people, and they are conspiring together to ruin him.

or: Iroh just wants what's best for his nephew, and Katara just wants to know everyone's business.

this fic made me realize i will never get tired of the “just one bed” trope

i never get to hold you (as long as i want to)   (E)

“I thought maybe we could keep it between us for a bit,” Sokka says, close enough that Zuko feels the words on the skin of his throat. “If other people know, then it’s not just you and me anymore. I’d like to be just you and me for a while.”

“Just you and me?” Zuko stares at Sokka, and Sokka stares right back, like there’s nothing else in the world worth looking at.

“If you want that,” Sokka says, barely a whisper, and Zuko wants that. Zuko wants that more than anything.

"Yeah," he breathes. "You and me."

this is the second part of “isn’t this the vision that you wanted” where we just get zukka relationship goodness

Real Slow by surveycorpsjean    (E)

“I see.” Zuko closes the scroll. “Is the Water Tribe sending a replacement?”

“Uh yeah,” Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. “You’re looking at him.”

this has to be one of my fav fics of all time and what got me in the ambassador sokka/firelord zuko rabbit hole

the stars sighed in unison by spellboundrose   (E)

For some reason, Zuko can't stop looking at Sokka out of the corner of his eye. It must be something about the way the moonlight reflects off his skin—or maybe how his eyes, such a vibrant shade of blue, glimmer like the stars above them—

Oh.

Oh, no.

(Or, five moments under the night sky and one beneath the sun.)

beautiful, beautiful fic. actually just finished reading it recently. i love stars and space, so this fic was a real treat! truly delightful!

Seasons in the Sun by burkesl17   (E)

Ambassador Sokka's first year in the Fire Nation, a story for each of its seasons. With thunder, assassins, blossoms, poison, politics, volcanoes and a baby dragon. Also falling in love.

Or: four parties, four assassination attempts.

currently reading this one and loving it so far! slow burn with the added spice of assassination attempts? count me in! and i love just how soft it is too.

[cere-za]

Yoo! First of all, I just have to say that ur stories are amazing, they always brighten up my day!! I always start grinning like an idiot when you post ngl XD I wanted to ask you if you could do a grandad!Tea Knight cookie x child!reader (platonic ofc) but the child does not have any parents, and Tea knight takes care of them :> Thanks in advance🫂

A lovely visit

{ grandpa tea knight and child reader!}

[ A/N: before anything..yes i know I've been gone for a long time it's because it's almost the end of my school year meaning I've been extra busy with that being said i appreciate that people like you are enjoying what i write! My day gets better when I read that people are enjoying my stories!]

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Tea knight cookie was resting at home..and boy was he tired,but also worried that his grandchild hasn't visited him in days

So much so that he thought of the worst!.. maybe they had been attacked..or worse taken away!.. his histeria came to a quick halt when he heard a knock on his door..he got up from his chair to go receive whoever was at the door..

“Hi grandpa!”

What a lovely visit! His grandchild! His worries were wiped off now that they were there

"why hello there [y/n], come in..!”

He said moving aside so you could step inside, you always loved going to your grandpas house he would tell you old tales, help him around and spend the day together.

Today you had brought some baking supplies from the store! You had saved up enough money for everything you needed it took days of saving up Penny's but it was more than worth it!

"Quite a surprise you came to visit [y/n],tell me how've you been these couple of days?"

Your grandpa spoke as he saw you hurry your way to the kitchen to make sure you don't drop anything

"it was okay! A bit lonely though"

You said all the way from the kitchen as he stood in the living room, he frowned at your response.. technically..tea knight cookie isn't your actual grandpa..he found you a year ago when you were lost and since then you've become attached, in that period he also learned that you didn't know who your parents were..he is sure they didn't stick much either in your earlier years..

So people kind of found it sierra that you called him grandpa, the two of you were nothing alike, neither in looks or personality..but it mostly didn't matter to you, you were just happy to have someone to look up to..wait is something burning?..

You looked down at the oven and instantly began to panic, turning the it off you saw that your cake had indeed burned.. you began to sulk, all hard earned money was now wasted..

“[y/n]? Is everything alright? i smelled something burning”

Tea knight had walked in and saw you sulking on your knees in front of the oven where you saw with undying sadness the burned cake

He slowly walked up to you and picked you up from the waist

"c'mon now, there's no need to be sad..! We can go to the near bakery and buy something from there, we'll drink tea with sweet's, how's that sound?"

He tried to cheer you up which slightly worked

“soo.. were having a tea party?"

You asked with excitement and your grandpa chuckled and nodded..yes!

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After the two of you had brought the fresh biscuits and slices of cake from the bakery, tea knight had began to brew some tea while he kept an eye on you, he watched you set up the table and he began thinking..

< they're so sufficient at such early age.. maybe they can take of themselves.. maybe they don't need the offer to stay here.>

His thoughts came to a stop when he heard the water boil in which he turned off the stove and began to prepare the tea..by the time he had finished you were already waiting patiently at the table.

The two of you were having a good time with eachother, talking about friends, about things you've done a few days back.. when he suddenly asked something you've been waiting for awhile

“say [y/n]..i know you're far more capable of taking care of yourself,but i would like it if you come live with me?..i can't help but get worried when you live by yourself”

You sat up from your chair in excitement

“yes! I want to live with you grandpa! I want to learn more about everything you had been through!”

He was glad you've accepted the request, he chuckled at your response, classic child enthusiasm

“now finish your tea before it gets cold hehe”

It was a lovely visit from you after all

[bunnykawa]

what are you doing, step bro? (sakusa x f. reader)

summary: To your parents, Sakusa was the greatest son. To you, he was the best big brother you could’ve ever asked for, but you could only find that out with a little force.

a/n: i literally just started college so i won't have much time to write but i have some stories in my drafts that'll be posted in awhile lol. should i open requests for haikyuu drabbles since they're short but still entertaining?? idek i feel like no one is reading this rn LOL but if anyone is reading this, lmk ;)

(edit: I HAD TO REPOST THIS CS IT WASNT SHOWING UP IN TAGS so sorry if you already liked this post)

warnings: 18+, incest, mentions of drugging,  mentions of somnophilia, mentions of parental neglect, noncon/dubcon/rape, sakusa is a dirty pervert i just don’t know how else to tag this, degradation, slight manipulation

"(Y/N), this is your new big brother, Kiyoomi," your mother said, holding tightly onto your small shoulders as you stood in front of her.

"You can refer to him as your nii-san from now on." Locking eyes with you was an older boy with long black wavy hair, two moles on the right side of his forehead, and a white face mask on the lower half of his face which blocked his nose and mouth. How odd, you thought. You could tell he was disinterested with how his eyes were blank as he stared at you.

That was the first time meeting your step brother, Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Being four years younger than Sakusa, you two never really got along. Of course you had to respect each other, but there was nothing to really talk about other than when his volleyball games were or unfulfilling small talks. Sometimes he would make snide remarks, asking if you even showered when your hair was only slightly messy or if a smart word ever came out of your mouth when you stumbled over your words. Sometimes he was just mean to you in general to the point where you would cry. You always tried to ignore it, though. That was when you were younger. You couldn’t help that you weren’t that smart and he was your nii-san after all. Your parents would brush it off.

You celebrated his victories together, only because you had to. I mean, you were the younger sister of one of the nation's top three aces in high school volleyball. There was no way your parents wouldn't celebrate. He was their pride and joy.

Smart, athletic, incredibly attractive — everything you felt like you could never live up to.

Your own biological mom so obviously and painfully liked him more than you.

Before you even entered high school, Sakusa was old enough to move out and go to college where he continued to play volleyball. When he visited during the holidays, you still wouldn't have decent conversations with him. He would still insult you. It even made you cringe when you had to call him nii-san. Why address him as your older brother when he didn't even act like it?

But you dealt with it because you had to.

Fresh out of Itachiyama Academy, you're focused on studying for entrance exams for colleges in your area rather than what would happen if you ever had to see Sakusa again. But, you were expecting to see him very soon.

Gentle knocks are heard from outside your door and before you can respond, your mom is already opening it.

"(Y/N), Omi is coming today and he's gonna be here for a week. I have to go to the grocery store to buy food and I'm gonna run other errands so it's gonna take awhile," she says, leaning her head into your room. You respond multiple times with "okay" so she can leave your room sooner.

Textbooks and notebooks are strewn across your bed with you on your stomach, trying to cram as much information in your head as possible.

"That means I might not be here in time for when he comes, so you have to open the door and greet him," she adds.

"What about dad?" you ask with a grimace. The most you would do is say hello and scurry back into your room.

She rolls her eyes at you. "He's working late again. You know that, (Y/N)." With a sigh, you agree and she finally leaves your room after bidding you a "goodbye."

You can't remember the last time you saw Sakusa, but it was probably almost half a year ago. Ever since he left for college, your parents were even more distant towards you. They probably felt like they didn't need to worry about you because you weren't doing anything important.

When Sakusa came over, he barely acknowledged you and you were okay with that because it meant he wouldn't be bothering you.

But that didn't mean his blank stare wouldn't catch your attention whenever you came out of your room to eat or use the restroom. The atmosphere felt...very odd around him. You couldn't necessarily come up with a reason why.

Suddenly, you hear knocking on the front door. It had to be at least an hour or two since your mom left and the thought of who was waiting at the door made your stomach churn.

"Nii-san is here," you mutter to yourself as you got up to open the door. Right as you open the door, Sakusa was staring down at you with the same blankness in his eyes from before with his usual face mask. His hair was shorter than you remember.

Mindlessly, his eyes seem to scan your body before returning to your face, making you feel self-conscious. You were only wearing black spandex shorts and a loose tank top. Subconsciously, you rub your arm and step back to make space.

"(Y/N)," Sakusa acknowledges you in a deadpan voice. It's no surprise to you.

"Hi, onii-san. How are you?" You try so hard to be polite, but Sakusa seemed to have a naturally dominant energy that overwhelmed your senses, even if he also seemed to have the personality of a jar of mayonnaise. You step aside so he can come in. He wore gray sweatpants and a black windbreaker that was zipped up all the way. As soon as he makes it inside, he removes his face mask, stuffs it in his pocket, and starts unzipping his jacket.

"I'm good," he hums, "Where's mom?" He places the backpack he was carrying on the couch and takes a seat as you close the door.

"She's out doing errands and dad is working. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please. Make sure you wash your hands before you do. Thank you," he said. You walk into the kitchen, muttering "germaphobe" under your breath at his extra request. Unbeknownst to you, he watched you from his place on the couch as you walked around the kitchen, pulling the tea kettle out of one of the bottom cabinets and looking for cups. His gaze followed the outline of your ass in those tiny shorts that hugged your bottom tightly.

"What college are you planning on going to, (Y/N)?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm applying to the college you're going to and three others," you replied from your spot near the counter.

Sakusa actually perks up at your answer. "Oh, cool. You'll love it there if you get in. Only if, though. You're not the brightest."

You couldn't help but let your face fall in a frown at his seemingly small comment. Quickly, you compose yourself and brush off his remark. You got the water boiling in the tea kettle and reached high for the teacups that were sitting on the top cabinets. Your stepdad definitely put them up there.

A presence looms close behind you, which makes your whole body automatically freeze and tense up. A veiny, bulky arm reaches up easily to grab the teacups while another one snakes around you to pull your tank top down as it was exposing your stomach. You're not sure if you're imagining it, but you definitely feel something stiff brushing up against your back.

"You need to be careful. Don't wanna hurt yourself, do you?" Sakusa commented, leaning forward so his mouth was right next to your ear. A blush found its way onto your cheeks from feeling him so close to you.

He usually hated being so close to people. What was so different today?

"R-right," you stuttered, "Thank you, nii-san."

Confrontation wasn't a strong trait of yours.

You guess that moment was when it started getting really weird between you two. You still had small talks from whenever he would actually see you come out of your room, but you wanted to avoid him as much as you could. However, that was hard when Sakusa insisted that you drank tea together every night and, of course, your parents insisted, too.

Your nii-san wants to spend more time with you, they would say excitedly. Better late than never!

Maybe if he was showing the slightest bit of interest in you, your parents would finally care about you. So, with much hesitation, you started drinking tea with your step brother every night. Sakusa even made the tea himself so his poor little sister wouldn't tire herself out with carrying that heavy teapot.

You're still not sure if you're imagining things, but the tea tasted different from how you made it. And you swear that the tea didn't make you so sleepy after drinking it until he started making it.

"Come here," Sakusa would say with a smirk, "Onii-san will take you to bed."

You would pass out before you even made it to bed, but every morning you woke up with sticky thighs, only blaming it on sweating while you were sleeping.

Until one day, you didn't drink all the tea that he made you. You still fell asleep, though. Your brain was hazy enough to make you lose consciousness as he helped you up from your seat in the kitchen.

Sakusa laid next to you on your bed. You were placed on your side so he could slide under the sheets right behind you to press his hardened length against your ass. This was his favorite part of the night. He spent a few minutes playing with your cunt to make it slick enough for him to let his cock break through your walls.

You barely stirred awake. Didn't even move an inch as he caressed every part of your body, from your soft nipples to the sensitive nub between your thighs.

He pushed the elastic of his sweatpants down to his thighs quickly. His cock hit your ass before settling between your folds. A satisfied moan leaves his lips when he feels your wetness coating the top part of his shaft as he rubbed it against you. He hooked his arm around one of your legs so that you were spread open enough for him to fuck you and rub your clit at the same time with his other hand.

He wanted that sweet nectar completely coating his dick. He remembers the way you tasted and how you came on his tongue the night before, despite being blacked out from the little pills he would dissolve in your drinks. You tasted so clean and smelled so fresh. It was impossible for your nii-san to control himself around you.

And when did your ass look so good? God...Sakusa couldn't believe he never noticed how cute and well-shaped you were. You weren't that little girl he met when you were both kids. You were pushing adulthood now. Still pathetic looking, still too shy, still small around him, but fuck, he definitely would have pushed you over the counter the first day he came over and fucked you until you were crying and gagging.

He continued rubbing circles onto your clit and letting his cock soak up your juices. Gently, he positions the tip at your entrances and pushes in slowly.

"There you go," he whispers in your ear, "I know it's a little big. Don't worry."

He manages to fill you up all the way, making him groan. Your walls were tight around him. He thrusts in and out of you carefully, salvaging the feeling of your slick interior.

But you didn't drink all the tea, which means that you could wake up earlier than he expected.

Sakusa didn't expect you to wake up now.

You stirred slightly as you regained consciousness. Although your eyelids were heavy, you tried to force them open only to be met with darkness.

"Mmm," you croaked, rubbing your eyes. The odd feeling of being filled up suddenly made you wake up more. "W-what's going on?"

"Fuck," Sakusa muttered from behind you. You felt a hard chest pressed against your back and...a hand on your pussy. No, something inside your pussy. And that voice was so familiar.

You quickly whip your head around when the realization dawns on you. What the fuck is happening? While your eyes adjust to the dark room, you see two familiar eyes staring straight back at you. He stopped grinding his hips against you for a moment as if time stopped.

"...Nii-san?" you hesitated. His breathing was heavy and he stayed silent.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" you asked in a panicked voice. You quickly tried to get up from your position, only to be held down by Sakusa’s muscular arms. His hand wrapped itself over your lips to prevent you from screaming.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet, (Y/N),” he whispered. A muffled scream tries to escape your lips. He continued to fuck you slowly, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. The same sore feeling that you would sometimes wake up to within the past few days.

For a moment, you pry his fingers off of your mouth. "I don't understand...Why are you...?" You yelped in surprise, horror, and pleasure as he delivered a sharp thrust from behind you. The smack of his hips against your bare ass made you cringe and feel so disgusted with yourself. Nii-san is actually inside me.

"My poor little sister," he chucked darkly. He suddenly wraps his arm around your knee tighter and forces your legs wide open, your knee almost touching your chest. Instead of putting his hand over your mouth to shut you up, he kneads your breast. His hands were so large.

"You think you can walk around the house looking like a little slut in those tiny shorts?" He stretches you open with his hard cock with slow, yet hard, thrusts. It left your mouth agape, but no sounds left your throat except for small squeaks that you couldn't hold back. "You stupid bitch. Just as dumb as I could remember. Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to bend you over and fill you up with my cum like the stupid, desperate slut you are."

He was satisfied as you were barely fighting him. All you did was desperately search for something to hold onto and bite your lip because you were so scared. His words were painful. "Look at you. A waste of fucking space, only good as a fuck hole. Didn't even realize she was getting drugged and getting fucked every night because she's so fucking stupid."

Weak. That was all your brain was telling you, mocking you, as Sakusa didn't stop moving against you and insulting you. This wasn't the first time. It just so happened that this time you were able to wake up.

"I-I..." you stuttered, "I'll...I'll tell mom and dad." The sheets were gripped tightly between your fingers. "I'll tell them- mmmm...what nii-san has been doing to me..."

"If you tell mom and dad, they wouldn't even care," Sakusa said in a patronizing tone. The way his hand was caressing you made you wanna cry.

“They would!”

"Mom and dad don't even treat you like a daughter, (Y/N). When was the last time they told you they loved you?" Even if his question was rhetorical, your mind went completely blank. You can't recall a moment where they ever told you they loved you.

"B-but, this isn't right! You're not supposed to be doing this," you argued. It was a surprise that your mind wasn't completely clouded by how big his cock was and how his thrusts felt almost hateful.

"You think they would choose your side? You'd be ruining your own life. Maybe you'd ruin mine. And it'd be. All. Your. Fault." With each syllable, his movements became sharper. "You don't wanna betray your nii-san by saying something, do you?"

"You love your nii-san, right?"

You do. You love him so much, even if you tried to avoid him and he never said a single good thing to you in your whole damn life.

Because you have to love him.

You stopped gripping on the sheets to the point where your knuckles were turning ghostly white to brush away the tears rolling down your cheeks. Your body shook, from both crying because of Sakusa's painful words and how hard he was fucking you. The pleasure building up in your core was overwhelming you, making that intense feeling of having to pee forced out of you.

Hearing your sniffles and small cries, Sakusa pulls you even tighter against him, but doesn't stop his relentless thrusting. It turned him on even more. He pushes your hand to brush away your tears for you, like good big brothers should.

"It's okay, (Y/N). We both know mom and dad don't love you."

A loud cry erupted from your chest. Maybe if your parents cared about you, they'd be running to your room to save you the second you started crying. But, no. Sakusa was basking in the fact that you were hurting on the inside. After years of negligent silence, you were finally letting it all out.

"But nii-san loves you," he said with a smile.

Although his words seemed to stun your entire being, you manage to choke out a "What?" Like it was the first time someone ever told you that they love you.

His torturous thrusts almost distracted you. Fuck, why did it feel so good to have your step brother fucking you on your side like this?

"I love you." He sweetly grabs your face so you can turn your head to look at him. There was a pounding in your ears coming straight from your chest. A warm feeling spreads throughout your stomach.

"You...you love me, nii-san?"

"Of course I do." He was actually smiling at you, "If I didn't, would I be inside you right now?"

His face didn't seem so blank anymore. Sakusa never ever smiled at you. Hell, he never really smiled in general. Someone actually loved you. Holy shit. And he was even pounding away at your insides like you were a fuck doll.

Is that why he's so mean? Was he just trying to hide his feelings for you this whole time? You could die laughing right now. His cock felt so damn good rearranging your guts against your will yet you were struggling to accept it.

Your cheeks naturally puffed up in happiness as you smiled so brightly at him. The flip switched in your brain so easily. Without another word, Sakusa kissed you passionately, because he knew you would let him continue to ravage your body. Your hips began to buck from the pressure building up in your lower half and you starting pushing your hips towards him, welcoming his length inside you. It felt like you needed more of him. More of his love.

Love me.

"Nii-san," you gasped against his lips. His movements never faltered, which you figured was from his amazing athletic ability and stamina.

"Be a good little sister and cum on my cock," he coaxed. He could tell you were so close to cumming from how tightly your precious cunt was hugging his length and how you were squirming against him. You were both slick with sweat. As you started squirming more violently against him, Sakusa tightened his grip on you.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined desperately, “Nii-san, I’m gonna cum!” You grabbed his arms and pushed your fingernails into his skin, making him hiss from the sudden pain. With a firm grip over your mouth, he muffles your screams. Satisfaction settled in your stomach as you exploded all over his cock. Your sweet juices trailed down your thighs onto the bedsheets.

As much as Sakusa wanted to, he couldn’t fill up your insides and see your hole dripping with his cum just yet. He quickly pulls out of you and lets his seed shoot onto the bare skin of your ass. The shock of your orgasm left your thighs trembling, your skin wet, and your eyes drooping.

“You’re the best little sister.”

You would’ve replied, but you could barely form any words as you lost consciousness again. When you woke up the next morning, you were fully dressed and cleaned up, with no stickiness between your thighs like how you used to wake up.

Sakusa actually cleaned you up this time. You felt your heart melt and butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Everything seemed to go back to normal between you two, with the same small talks and not really seeing each other often, but he always had a knowing smirk on his face whenever he saw you.

Whenever his eyes would trail up your body to meet yours, you could feel a warmth in your stomach spread all throughout your body which forced you to look away quickly. Whenever he insulted you, you would feel your thighs press together. Whenever you caught yourself admiring his features when he replaced his face mask for a new one, you smiled softly to yourself.

When it was time for him to leave, you couldn’t help but let a few tears shed. He was all set to go, with his backpack on and his mask covering his face.

“Hey, don’t cry, (Y/N),” he cooed, wiping your tears away, “You know I won’t be gone forever.”

You sniffled, “I know. I just hate being here alone.” Well, not necessarily alone. You just hated being ignored and neglected just because you weren’t your brother.

“If you manage to get into my college, you can move in with me. How does that sound?” You instantly perk up and dry your tears with your shirt.

"Really?!” you asked with excitement. You imagine all the things you could do with your nii-san without your parents in the picture. You could go out together, hold hands, share kisses, just about anything. He could even fuck you whenever he wants.

These thoughts about your own step brother would've made you feel sick before.

But that was before you knew Sakusa loved you. Now, you couldn't help but ask your mom when the next time your nii-san would be coming to visit. While you were waiting for his next visit, you studied hard.

College would be so much fun with your nii-san with you!

Part 2

[melancholyshadow]

a monday in new york city || b. barnes

one & two 

summary: another date with bucky, but this time its in new york city with some familar faces. 

pairing: bucky barnes x female!librarian!reader

warnings: some ANNOYING as cliches that i just love, swearing 

an: okay so i know its been a week, but hey i’ve been busy! this series is going to have one more part! and it’s going to be spicy, but that is gonna take awhile because it takes a lot for me to write spicy stuff. also, this series doesn’t take place in a specific part of the mcu timeline, i just pick the characters i want and throw them together. the next part of my steve series should be out soon, like within the next couple days! enjoy!!! <3

“You should meet me in New York City tomorrow.” 

You and Bucky were talking on the phone, no Facetime or Skype, because this man still had a flip phone. After knowing about his history, this did not surprise you. Funnily enough, you didn’t actually know he had a phone until about two weeks ago. You proceeded to laugh at him for about thirty minutes when he pulled out the phone. It had been almost three months since he walked into your library for the first time. And the two of you had spent nearly everyday together, of course, except for those days he was gone on ‘obligations.’ 

“Like a date?” You asked, rolling onto your stomach, and moving the phone from between your ear and shoulder and onto your pillow. You heard him chuckle, and your cheeks warmed up. “We could call it that.” It was a Sunday night, and tomorrow was a holiday so the library would be closed, and for once, you had a day off. And you were over the moon about spending it with Bucky. 

“What do you have in mind?” You said, propping your head up on the palms of your hands. “Well, before I ask you, promise me you won’t freak out.” This peaked your interest. “Well what is it?” You pushed, “Promise me, first.” He was being stubborn. “Fine.” You sighed. “Well, the Starks are throwing a party tomorrow night…” He started, The Starks..? Like Tony and Pepper Stark? “...for our little group and some S.H.I.E.L.D agents, and he said I had a plus one, so of course, I want to take you.”

You were speechless, and you could feel the nerves creeping up from your stomach, all the way up to your throat. “Hello?” He asked, making sure you were still there. “Yeah, yeah, I’m still here. Just processing.” You muttered, now completely sat up in your bed. There were a few more moments of silence, then you spoke. “So you want me to go to a party thrown by Tony and Pepper Stark, and not only that, but a Stark party that will be mostly all your superhero friends?” You asked more rhetorically than anything else. “Yes.” He said confidently, which for a moment made your nerves waiver, but only for a couple seconds. 

“If it’s any consolation, I really want you to come, and everyone really wants to meet you.” Everyone? Who is ‘everyone’..? Like the Avengers? They knew about you? Holy shit. You couldn’t think about that right now though. You broke it down in your head, trying to simplify it. Bucky really wanted you to go, and you really didn’t have a reason to say no, other than being very anxious about the whole thing. “You know what, sure.” You were finally able to get out the words. “Wait, really?” He asked excitedly. That made you feel good, that he was so excited for you to meet his friends. 

He gave you all the details, adding to the nerves creeping up your throat. “I’m gonna get some sleep.” Bucky muttered at around 11, which was late for him. “I probably should too.” You said with a yawn. “Goodnight, Doll.” He said in a raspy tone, followed by him yawning as well. “Goodnight, Buck.” You said sleepily, about to hang up the phone, but then he spoke again. “And doll, I promise you won’t regret saying yes.” And with that, the phone line went dead. 

It was a restless night, you tossed and turned for a couple hours, thinking about all the ways you could fuck up on this date. The last time you checked the clock it was just after one in the morning. When you did finally wake up, the sun was beaming straight into your bedroom. Warming up the room around you, you felt a thin layer of sweat covering your body, but that honestly could have been from the nerves. The first thing you did was grab your phone, and check if you had any text from Bucky, and you did. 

It was a simple ‘good morning, doll,’ the same text he’s sent you every morning since you guys traded phone numbers. You sent him a similar text back, and rubbed the remaining sleep from your eyes. After contemplating staying in bed for awhile longer, you decided against it and figured you could start the day, as it was already almost ten in the morning. 

After a warm shower, which consisted mostly of shaving and washing your hair, you decided to make a quick breakfast. While you ate, you contemplated on what to wear. Bucky said it was more on the fancier side. You had a couple ‘fancier’ options, but not a closet full. Breakfast was done and dishes were clean, so now it was time to try on all your options. By the end of you trying on almost everything in your closet, you decided to keep it simple but elegant. It was a black satin slip dress that fell right above your knee, and the shoes were a pop of color and definitely brought the outfit together. 

As you pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, you felt those same nerves creeping up the back of your throat. The lot was full of cars, but you were able to get a spot closer to the front. This party looked like a lot more than a ‘little group and some S.H.I.E.L.D agents.’ After sending Bucky an ‘I’m here’ text, you gathered your phone and some little extras into your clutch. While you did some last minute touches and repositioning of your hair in your rear-view mirror, there was a small knock on your driver-side window, making your entire body jump, head snapping towards the noise. 

Your eyes landed on Bucky, who was practically doubled over on laughter. After getting in a good laugh, he pulled open your door, giving you a hand to step out more smoothly, which you swatted away and rolled your eyes at him. Once he got a good look at you, his face shifted. The dress you wore accentuate parts of your body that your everyday clothes certainly did

not. And you were not the only one who noticed. You could feel Bucky’s eyes on your as you walked in front of him to navigate through some of the cars. 

Once there was enough room for both of you to walk side-by-side, you felt his metal hand slide along your lower back, coming to rest on your furthest hip. His fingers rested on your hip bone, with each step you took, his hand followed the curve, giving it a small squeeze. “You look amazing, doll.” He whispered into your ear, making a layer of goosebumps cover your arms. “So do you, Buck.”

You were glad you wore black, because of course, so did Bucky. He wore a black undershirt, with a black blazer with leather lapels, and of course black dress pants. The two of you looked like a pair, which you liked. The two of you approached the front door of the hotel, pulling his arm away from your body, making you feel empty. He whisked the door open for you, letting you walk in before him.

The lobby was pretty empty, just a receptionist and a couple security guards standing around. You could hear talking and laughter from behind a couple pairs of closed doors. You followed Bucky towards one of the security guards, who was standing in front of one of the sets of doors.  “She’s with me.” He explained, as the two of you approached him. Those words made you giddy, and you smiled at the man. “Alright, Sergeant Barnes.” The guard said, pushing the door open for both of you. 

“Oh, Sergeant Barnes, huh?” You joked, wrapping one of your arms around his metal bicep. He tensed up a bit, but then laughed, “I like the way you say that.” Then added a wink. You looked away from Bucky, and towards the crowded, very crowded, room. Bucky definitely underestimated the amount of people would be here, but it was a Stark party after all, so you weren’t surprised. Bucky and you walked towards the bar, taking a seat, which you were thankful for, your feet already killing you. 

The two of you spoke for awhile, sipping on your drinks. You weren’t sure why Bucky drank, since he physically could not get drunk. But if the drinks were free, you would be drinking too. “Hey Buck, there you are.” A man approached you two, placing a hand on Bucky’s back. Both of you turned your head, eyes landing on a familiar face. “You must be (Y/M/N).” He smiled, sticking a hand out for you to shake, so you did so. “Hello, Steve.” You matched his smile. 

After the three of you bantered back and forth for a few moments, Steve spoke again, “Well if you two want to join us, most of us are sitting on the other side of the bar.” He explained pointing to the side of the room. Following the direction of his fingers, you saw a group of some more familiar faces. You knew most of their faces from news articles, but knew their names from Buck’s stories. It was Natasha, Bruce, and Wanda. “Wanna go?” You heard Bucky ask you, placing a hand on your knee. “Of course!” You said, perking up. Going over there was the last thing you wanted to do, because you already knew this was going to be awkward. 

Steve led as Bucky followed him through the crowd, pulling you by your hand. Maneuvering through the people, ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ passing your lips every so often. “I’m back…” Steve said, “...and I brought friends.” His use of the endearing term ‘friend,’ made you lighten up a bit. After some, not so awkward, introductions, they all started talking, and you happily listened. Your stories could never match up to any of theirs, so you didn’t even try. “Do you want another drink?” Bucky asked, noticing your empty glass. “Yeah, sure.” You smiled, he grabbed the glass out of your hands. He left your side, walking to meet the bartender who stood closer to the middle of the bar. 

“So (Y/M/N), has Bucky read every book in your library yet?” Natasha asked, but by the way she emphasized the ‘your’ in her sentence, you couldn’t tell if she was implying an innuendo, but you decided to keep it literal. “Ya’know, he actually tends to stick around the romance section, his favorites are the damsel in distress ones.” You joked, placing the back of your hand on your forehead, closing your eyes like you were fainting. This got a laugh out of the group, making a small bit of confidence grow inside you. “What’re you guys laughing at?” Bucky asked, placing the fresh drink in your hand. “Nothing.” You said, pretending to lock your lips, making the group laugh again.

After a few more drinks, you had stopped feeling so tense and started loosening up. You started talking with Natasha and Wanda, while Buck, still nearby, spoke with Steve and Bruce. The three of you were sharing some of your dating horror stories. That was until the DJ started playing some more upbeat music, Natasha immediately stopped and looked between you and Wanda.

“Do you guys wanna dance?” He asked hopefully, wrapping one of her hands around yours, and Wanda’s, wrist. “Sure!” You exclaimed, which made Wanda agree. The three of you left the bar, making your way to the large dance floor in the middle of the room. There were a good amount of people on the floor, and everyone was in their own worlds. It took you a while to get into it, but when the DJ played a song you knew all the words to, it was over.

The three of you danced in a circle together. You danced similarly to the day Bucky caught you dancing at the library. Eyes shifting from open to closed, hands running up and down your body, hips moving side to side, fingers running through your hair. You felt eyes on you, and you looked towards Bucky. He had a green beer bottle pressed to his lips, not sipping just sitting there, like he was frozen. His eyes followed every curve of your body as it moved. Knowing that he was watching you made you want to move even more, Natasha and Wanda matching your energy level. 

After saying all your goodbyes to everyone, and Natasha drunkenly inviting you to one of her and Wanda’s girls night, Bucky walked you to your car. “You really shouldn’t drive.” He insisted, grabbing the keys you had hanging around your finger. You definitely weren’t drunk, but more like buzzed. “I’m fine.” You insisted, leaning against the side of your car, trying to get any weight off your feet. 

“Stay the night with me.” He inisited, both hands resting on your hips, and his forehead resting on yours. You debated back and forth in your head, well the best you could in your buzzed state. “Fine.” You said, trying to sound reluctant, but you were the opposite, but he couldn’t know that. “But, I need to leave by 7:30 tomorrow morning!” 

The drive was short, no longer than five minutes. “Now don’t make fun of me, as you know, I don’t spend very much time here.” Bucky explained, hand resting on the doorknob of his front door. “Oh shut up, I’m sure it’s fine.” You laughed, placing your hand on his and turning the doorknob. He stepped in first, flipping on the light switch. Your eyes scanned over the viewable part of the apartment,”I was right, you just need to do some major decorating.” 

Bucky walked off as you practically ripped your shoes off your feet, sighing in relief. Leaving the foyer and stepping into the living room, you searched for Bucky and he was standing in the kitchen. So you snuck up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Hi.” You mumbled, eyes fluttering closed and cheek pressed against his back. “Hey, doll.” He muttered back. 

You felt Bucky raise both his arms, and you heard some shifting, so you assumed he was searching for something in his cabinet. You heard what sounded like a pill bottle, and he shook some of them out into his hand. “Here take these.” He grabbed one of your hands, placing two small, circular pills in your hand. It was some form of Advil, you could tell by the familiar red color. 

Pulling away from him, you placed the pills into your mouth and he handed you a glass of water. “Thanks.” You said, taking a gulp of the water. “But I’m not gonna be hungover.” You insisted, placing the glass into his sink. You could tell he didn’t believe you, but he just smiled.  “Let’s go get you some comfier clothes.” 

“These are not gonna fit.” You called from the other side of the bathroom door. Bucky had given you a shirt and some red flannel pajama pants. The shirt was fine, you wore big shirts quite frequently, but no matter how tight you pulled the drawstring, the pants fell down to your thighs.  You peaked your head out from behind the door, and Bucky was sitting on the edge of the bed. “The shirt is pretty long on me, is it weird if I just don’t wear pants?” You asked him. He shrugged, “I don’t think so, as long as you’re comfortable.” He smiled. You opened the door all the way, and handed him the red pants, and he tossed them on the opposite side of the bed. 

“Well, It’s almost one in the morning, you should get some sleep.” He stood up from the bed and walked towards his closet,“You can have my bed, and I’ll sleep out here.” He pulled out a pillow and a sheet from his closet. “What, don’t wanna sleep with me, Buck? I see how it is.” You giggled, acting like you were upset, and rolling your eyes. 

“No-no, I-Buck, I’m kidding.” You cut him off, laughing at his sudden awkwardness. “I didn’t want to assume.” He finally muttered out. “I guess I don’t mind sharing a bed with you.” Continuing your joke, and slipping under the comforter. Engulfed by the smell of Bucky, which added another level of comfort. He pulled open the dresser once again, grabbing a shirt and some pajama pants, leaving you to go change in the bathroom. 

You scrolled on your phone, setting multiple alarms to make sure you woke up on time tomorrow morning, then placing it on the bedside table. Letting your eyes fall closed, you turned so that your back was towards the bathroom door. Without opening your eyes, you heard the bathroom door open, and then the lights flickered off. 

There was some quiet shuffling and you felt the bed dip beside you. Your eyes reluctantly opened, and you were greeted by the sight of Bucky’s back. Without thinking, you placed your hand on the arm that wasn’t tucked under his body, pulling at it softly. He rolled inward, now facing you. There was a sleepy smile on his face, and he blinked slowly, desperately trying to keep his eyes open. You placed a hand on his face, thumb softly running over the stubble on his cheek. His eyes finally shut, face full of content, the corners of his lips still upturned. Wiggling closer to him, “If we cuddled a little bit, I won’t tell if you don’t.” You said, letting some excess air out of your nose, as a laugh. “I know we aren’t dating, but…” Your voice trailing off.

“Yeah, about that…”

[ais-for-alex]

It’s Not Fair

Hi hello, so I wrote most of this little story quite awhile ago and never finished it but today reading over it I just felt the need to give it an ending (it’s not the best ending but it’s an ending) anyway, I hope y’all enjoy a little short story about Leo experiencing anxiety 🥰 as always these characters belong to the lovely @lumosinlove

It’s not fair.

The thought wound its way into Leo's mind, twisting and sliding into every nook and cranny of his brain as easily as a serpent sliding through marshy river reeds.

It’s not fair.

Leo sighed and rolled his shoulders out hoping to relieve the coil of tension that had tightened in his muscles. The day had started so good too. He had woken that morning to the feeling of Logan pressing soft butterfly kisses to his cheeks, his forehead, his neck, Leo’s face pulled into a sleepy smile as he blinked his eyes open taking in the sight of Logan’s bright eyes and atrocious bed head.

“Good morning baby,” he mumbled, voice scratchy from sleep. Logan grinned back and leaned in, catching Leo’s mouth in a slow chaste kiss.

“Bonjour mon amour,” Logan whispered back against his lips. Leo didn’t want to move even an inch, because right there in their bed with Finn snuggled into his chest snoring softly and Logan’s lips warm and plush against his own, that was his favorite place in the world.

Everything had been going smoothly, practice had been hard but good, his day perfectly ordinary in every way. So why?

Why on earth did he feel this way? Why had his heart began beating fast as hummingbird wings? Why were earthworms burrowing and churning through soil in his stomach? Why did invisible ants scurry across his skin raising goosebumps in their wake?

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that out of the blue Leo’s entire mood could flip, that his happiness could sour and curdle with unfounded anxiety. It wasn’t fair that the good could turn so very bad without so much as a warning.

Oh, boo hoo, who ever said life was fair? Leo shook his head, trying not to listen to the stupid mean thoughts in his head. Get over yourself, your little discomforts don’t matter. Suck it up.

Leo breathed in deep, trying in vain to settle the uncomfortable squirming inside him. After he had gotten home from practice Leo retreated out onto their little balcony, the cool evening air felt nice against his skin. The coarse wicker of his chair bit at his legs, through the thick denim of his jeans; the sharp pricks simultaneously felt very far away but also somewhat comforting, grounding him in the world around him. Leo’s eyes were locked onto the Gryffindor skyline but they had long since glazed over blurring the buildings into one gray streak across his vision, smudged pink clouds just above it.

Distantly he heard the glass door slide open and Finn’s soft voice, “Hey Nutter Butter, Lo was wanting take out tonight. Any strong opinions on Thai?”

Leo opened his mouth to answer, his eyes still staring blankly into the distance, but he couldn’t seem to get enough breath into his lungs to form the words. Each inhale making his chest tighter and tighter until Leo wished he could take a knife and cut himself open just to relieve the pressure.

“Leo?” Finn asked, concerned as he stepped out onto the balcony, coming a bit closer. Finn must have recognized the glassy vacant look on his face because he let out a sympathetic sigh, “Oh, sweetheart.”

Settling down onto his knees so they were at the same eye level, Finn pressed his palms against Leo’s thighs smoothing them up and down the tense muscle soothingly. They had been through this enough times for Finn to know that when he was lost and hurting, Leo craved nothing more than the contact. The warmth of his partner's hands on him more comforting than anything else.

“Come here baby,” Finn whispered, his hand rising to cup the back of Leo’s neck and gently pull him into his shoulder. Leo could feel his fingers thread into his hair as Finn pressed a kiss to his temple, “It’s ok my love, everything’s gonna be ok,” he murmured.

“Guys? You decide what you want for dinner? Cause I am not above ordering without-“Logan said walking out onto the balcony only to cut off his sentence when he saw the tender way Finn was holding Leo.

“What happened?” Logan asked, concern bleeding into his voice as he came to sit on the arm of that wicker chair, his hand settling warm and heavy on Leo’s back.

“I don’t- I-“ Leo tried, somehow his mouth unable to even form the simple phrase I don’t know.

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that at random everything could be stripped away leaving Leo raw as an exposed nerve.

“Oh, mon amour,” Logan sighed, sad and sympathetic, “shhh, it’s ok you don’t have to answer.”

Leo’s breathing was as shaky as his trembling body, he let himself lean into their touch until his back was pressed to Logan’s thigh, face still buried in Finn's shoulder. The position was awkward, but Leo honestly couldn’t have cared less all he could think about was the warmth of their hands soaking into him. All he could think was how he desperately wished their touch could burn away the feeling inside him.

But sadly no matter how much he wished their love alone was enough, that wasn’t how life worked. But despite the fact that Finn and Logan couldn’t fix him Leo was still so incredibly grateful for their support, their love.

And in the moments when it felt like he was locked in a grave buried alive under cool dry earth. With tangled tree roots trying to twist and burrow through his body, absorb the nutrients of his life, they were the ones that made Leo want to dig himself out. They were the ones that made him want to claw his way back to the surface rather than surrender himself to the worms.

Leo didn’t know how long they sat with him, just letting him draw strength from their stability while the cool evening air washed over them. He didn’t know if his shaking was from the cold or the anxiety but then again he didn’t really care.

Eventually, Finn and Logan guided him back inside their home; they wrapped him in warm blankets and held him close until the trembling subsided.

“How you doing, Love?” Finn finally asked once Leo’s body seemed to have relaxed a bit. They were laid together on the couch Leo wrapped up tight and curled into Finn's chest. He soothingly ran his hands up and down Leo’s body and pressed a kiss to the little fluff of hair that was visible from inside his blanket cocoon.

“M’ok,” Leo whispered, his voice a bit rough from the raging forest fire of emotions that had burned hit inside him.

“Yeah?” he asked softly, worry clear in his voice, Leo just nodded.

“You hungry? You haven’t eaten since this morning, it might help to get something in your system.” Leo shrugged and snuggled in closer, tucking his face into Finn's shoulder.

“You just wanna stay here laying on me?” Leo nodded once more making Finn huff a soft laugh and kiss his head again.

“Alright baby, how about this: Lolo will get food, you can stay here and when he gets back if you don’t want to eat you’ll have some food for tomorrow. That sound ok?”

Leo tightened his hold around Finn and mumbled a quiet, “love you.”

And though the words were muffled by the blankets wrapped around him Finn heard, “I love you too Le, I always will.”

Read on ao3

[talkfastromance4]

when i’m dreaming--calum hood oneshot

yeah so i’m going through something so this is very, very self-indulgent. 

word count: 2.3k

warnings: drinking linked a little with coping, going through a depressive low, best friend!calum

feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

***

Calum notices something is wrong the minute she steps outside. He was about to take a drink of his white claw, but his eyes went to her nails when she pulled Crystal in for a hug. She typically paints them to match her mood and today they’re opalescent pink, barely noticeable but still there. In plain sight but still visible while she secretly wants to be invisible.

She smiles and cracks jokes with everyone she says hello to then when she steps in front of Calum, he sees the sadness in her eyes. They’ve been best friends for awhile now, they’ve shared secrets, stories of first loves and heartaches, their fears, their wildest dreams. But there was always something she kept hidden, tucked away in a box welded shut.

“Hey bud,” she sighs.

“Hey short stuff,” he grins playfully pulling her in for a hug. Her arms wrap around him and he makes sure to give her an extra tight squeeze.

“I’m not that short,” she grumbles in his chest.

“You’re shorter than me,” he reminds rubbing her shoulder with his thumb. Although her arms are loose around him he can feel the tension in her shoulders that she’s carrying.

“Stop hogging her! I haven’t seen her in weeks!” Ashton exclaims and Calum pulls away.

He knows it was too soon to break the hug but to keep up with her own façade he doubts anyone else sees, he does it.

“Hey, you’re the one who disappeared into the desert for all those weeks,” she jokes rising on her toes to loop her arms around Ashton’s neck.

He gives her a big bear hug that lifts her a few inches off the ground, Calum sees her nails digging into her arm as she squeezes him.

“Had to recenter myself, you should try it sometime,” Ashton teases right back. As if she was shocked, she removes herself from the hug then accepts a bottle of Mike’s from Luke.

“I can take something stronger than this, Hemmings,” she takes a large chug regardless.

“Yeah? Like tequila? I got some limes,” he jerks his thumb behind him towards the drink table.

“I said stronger not deadly. You know I can’t handle tequila,” she scrunches her nose.

Everyone else laughs but alarms are going off in Calum’s head.

“Yeah, the floor of my Tesla doesn’t like tequila either,” Michael chimes in with a tray of shots.

“I told you to pull over,” she shrugs lifting up a shot. She takes a whiff and nods in approval at his selected alcohol choice.

“I was going 75 on the freeway!”

“And that’s why I threw up. Ready?” she lifts her glass.

Calum meets her eyes as over the hands of their friends as Ashton gives an impromptu speech about friendship and long rides. He wasn’t really paying attention because when their eyes locked, he saw the panic, he saw the fear of whatever was going on in her head.

**

The next time he sees her is at the movies. Her eyes are darker along with her nails that are now a hunter’s green; camouflaged but still visible. While they’re waiting in line for snacks, he lifts her hand in his and runs his thumb over the color.

“This is a pretty color, I’ve never seen it on you before,” he says.

“Yeah, um…wanted to try something different,” she shrugs. “Do you want the blue icee?”

“Is that even a question?” he raises a brow, and she laughs.

Once they’re settled in the seats the previews start. Calum opens up the bags of sweet and sour treats while she opens the boxes of milk duds. The large bowl of popcorn (with extra butter) is settled between them, long red straws sticking out of their frozen drinks.

Throughout the whole movie, it’s an action romantic comedy, Calum keeps glancing at her. He watches her fingers disappear in the popcorn bowl, her hunter’s green nails appearing black in the dark theater. Calum’s seen enough movies to know this moment is foreshadowing the darkness she’s slipping into. He’s preparing himself for the fall but he’s not entirely sure she is.

**

Two weeks have gone by and he hasn’t seen her since the movie. Their schedules didn’t align so he decided to surprise her with takeout from her favorite Asian restaurant and chocolate cake from her favorite bakery.

When he opens the door, he hears Friends playing on her tv and he finds her horizontal on the couch. The hood of her sweatshirt is over her head, her arms wrapped around her torso, her black nails clutching the fabric.

Calum braces himself for what he’s walking into, sets the food on her counter and crouches in front of her. He pulls her hoodie back a little so he can see her face a bit better, her eyes are distant and staring off behind him.

“Hey,” he says softly then touches her hand. It’s very cold. “Y/N.”

Upon hearing her name does she finally look at him. Her eyes have filled and spilled with her tears in a matter of seconds. He links her fingers through his.

“Hi,” she mouths, her voice barely registering.

“Is this about…him?” he asks delicately.

About a year ago he chipped away at the welding on the box. He knows it involves a guy. He knows it’s about bad timing. He knows it’s about deep emotions.

She nods and the tears erupt more. She buries her face in her hands then adds another layer by hiding in the pillow.

“Nope, nope, hey,” he tugs on her arms. She’s pliant and allows him to drag her in a sitting position. He takes the place where her head was then brings her onto his lap. “I’ve got you, I’m right here.” He murmurs and pulls her hoodie down so he can rub at her hair.

She sobs loudly into his neck. Calum holds her as tight as he can, murmuring comforting words in her ear. Her sobs would subside, but he wouldn’t let go until she did. She’s very good at keeping her emotions at bay and even better at keeping people further away from her harbor. She doesn’t ask for help often, she doesn’t open up too much and when she does it’s always the footnoted version.

Three episodes of Friends later, her hold lessens, she gives a big sniff and peels herself away from Calum. He uses the sleeves of his shirt to wipe at her tears and nose.

“Have you eaten?” he asks, and she shakes her head. “I brought food. I’ll heat it up for you.”

She nods and falls back onto the couch. He rubs her knee then heads into the kitchen. When the food is prepared on plates he brings it to her and she takes it, scarfing down the first few bites heartily.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she finally speaks when her plate is empty.

“I know,” he nods looking over at her until she meets his brown eyes. “It’s okay.”

Calum ends up staying the night, his mind reeling from what the history is with this mystery guy. His thoughts get away from him as he stares at the ceiling above the couch. Was he some celebrity that kept her under the radar and broke her heart repeatedly? A Prince from some far-off country that got her hopes up and crushed them again and again?

He’s tossing and turning until he hears the shower turn on. Sad songs play over and over on her speakers, her voice singing along with the yearning words. Ghostin’ by Ariana and When the Party’s Over by Billie replay one after another.

She’s really hurting.

Calum bounds off the couch and opens the bathroom door.

“Y/N?” he makes sure his voice is a little louder than the music.

A sniff. “Yeah?” her voice is thick.

“Just want you to know I’m here,” he shuts the door and sits next to the shower.

His heart aches when he hears her crying again, the vocals echo and bounce off the tiles. Her sadness fills the room just as it’s filled in the hidden box of the guy who’s making her feel this way.

Four more repeats go by and the shower is finally shut off. Calum scrambles off the floor, sees her tug the towel from the door of the shower. Her shadow figure wraps it around herself and she opens the door. Her skin is red from the hot water, as are her eyes and cheeks from crying more tears. He grabs another towel and helps dry her hair while she stands there avoiding her reflection in the mirror.

“It’s been five years, why do I still feel like this?” she asks quietly.

“It hurts the most when it meant something.”

He left the bathroom after he dried and brushed her hair then waited for her in her bedroom. There’s pictures on her desk from high school. Her and some guy at prom. Her and the same guy a little bit older posing in a selfie on a couch, drunken smiles on their faces. Her and the same guy a little older again posed outside.

This must be from that box. She’s cracked it open and Calum is staring at some of the pieces that have broken her wholly.

“His name’s Henry,” she explains suddenly behind him.

Calum turns to her voice. The drastic change from the happy girl in the photos to the sad girl before him startles him. He remains silent to let her speak or to go into silence again. She moves onto her bed, sitting in the center and tucks her legs against her chest.

“We never dated. But we were always…together. Together in the physical sense for four years,” she continues. Calum joins her cautiously on the bed and listens. “Back and forth always. After every relationship we fell back into each other. He’s the longest relationship I’ve had, and it wasn’t even a real one.

“We cared about each other, and…I think he loved me. Time wasn’t on our side. It was too much or too little, I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Just when I think I’ve let go; I dream of him. Then he’s on my mind for days. And now this time…” she shakes her head and Calum pulls her against him. “I went on socials and I found out that he um…he’s a dad now. And I feel so stupid because that could have been me if we kept what we had. I feel stupid because a part of me wanted it to be me.”

Calum doesn’t fully understand the ins and outs of their relationship, but four years of physical affection and a rock to lean on, that’s a lot of history. He also doesn’t fully understand how this guy didn’t make it official with Y/N. She’s the perfect best friend with a big heart.

Calum wishes he knew her in school because he would have been the one to take her to prom. He would have been the one take her to movies and dinners and surprise her with flowers. He would have made it official rather than keep her guessing.

“I’m really going through it and I don’t know how to get out,” she whispers sadly.

“I think…” Calum heaves a big sigh and kisses her wet head. “I think you’re just cracking the surface of breaking free. I can tell he meant a lot to you and you meant a lot to him. Even if he never said it, you’ll always be a part of him just like he’ll be a part of you. Someone that important won’t just poof away.”

“But I want him to, it hurts.”

“I know it does, sweetheart. I’ll help you in any way I can, okay?”

“You’re so understanding and you’re so good, but I don’t want to cry over another guy when you’re here.”

“That’s what best friends do.”

She turns her head and gazes up at him. He notices the storm in her eyes aren’t as dark, her lips are chapped from the cracking of memories she spilled out.

“Calum, you’re more than my best friend.”

He hears a deeper truth in her statement, and it causes his breathing to quicken. The subtle yet very noticeable flick of her eyes to his lips causes him to react. He gives her a quick peck, but that smallest touch sent an enormous shock through his system.

They settle against her pillows, the kiss wasn’t awkward, but it filled them both with questions. Questions that will be answered at a different time because right now he wants to hear this most vulnerable part of her life. She takes his hand in hers first and plays with his fingers while she talks.

He makes comments and asks questions to try and understand a bit more. Calum kisses her head when her voice starts to shake. Hours go by and the sky starts to lighten, birds are awakening.

“Hey,” she says right as he’s about to fall asleep. They talked all night, but she quieted down about twenty minutes.

“Hm?” he opens his eyes.

“We match.”

He looks down at their intertwined fingers when she taps on his nail. His polish is chipped away from chewing on a hangnail then smiles at the black color. He lifts their hands and kisses their knuckles.

“I feel what you feel.”

“What exactly do you feel?”

“I felt you slipping. I can sense your emotions when no one else can, and I guess I painted my nails subconsciously because I didn’t want you to be alone in the dark,” he explains. She’s quiet for a moment and he thinks she really fell asleep this time.

“Thank you. I don’t think I’ll be this bad again.”

“If you are, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

“Cal?”

“Hmm?” he sighs. It’s getting harder to keep his eyes open, but he doesn’t want her to stop talking. He doesn’t want her out of his arms.

“When I’m dreaming tonight it will be of you.”

**

Taglist: @calpalirwin @myloverboyash @loveroflrh @cxddlyash @princesslrh @spicylftv @notinthesameguey @itjustkindahappenedreally @calumance @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sarcastically-defensive17 @another-lonely-heart @devilatmydoor @thatscooibaby @suchalonelysunflower @dead-and-golden @mymindwide @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @karajaynetoday @quasighost @i-like-5sos @creampiecashton @calpops​ @littledrummeraussie​ @sexgodashton​ @f-mu​

[pedrosbish]

from me, the moon

word count: 1.7k

warnings: angst

*female reader x marcus*

He loved you with all his heart. And it terrified you.

You were both nineteen, in the prime of your youth, having only been dating for a year and a bit (one year, two months and eight days he had corrected you once) when you had come home to your modest, tiny apartment. The lights were turned off and for a split second you were worried that something had happened, something felt off. 

Wandering further in, you noticed a flickering light coming from the bedroom and as you slowly pushed the door open, you were met with the sight of Marcus Moreno cursing as he attempted to light another candle, burning his finger when it wouldn't catch aflame. 

“Baby?” You almost laughed out loud when he had whipped around, a loud gasp escaping his mouth, dropping the match to the ground. Pointing to the neatly made bed (which hadn't been done in awhile), roses adorning the white duvet and the multiple lit candles around the room, casting a calming light to fill the room. “What’s all this?”

“Mi amor.” He takes a step forward, holding something behind his back. “You weren't supposed to be back for another hour. Is everything okay?”

“Of course. I just managed to get away earlier today- not many customers.” Waving your hand around the room again, you glance your eyes around before looking at Marcus. “What’s the occasion?” 

Gently taking ahold of your hand, he leads you to the bed where you sit, expecting him to take a seat beside you but instead he gets down on one knee, revealing what he had hiding behind his back. A ring. It was a simple thing, a golden band with a tiny diamond sparkling in the centre, but it still managed to make your breath hitch and your stomach drop. 

“Mi amor, mi vida, I fell in love with you when I first saw you. I fell in love even more when I got to know you and when you somehow managed to agree to be my girlfriend. I would like to spend the rest of my life with you so I want to ask this one thing: will you marry me?”

Bile rises in your throat and your heart beats rapidly as you see the look on his face- hope, fear, love. Tears gather in your eyes as more time passes and he rocks onto the back of his heels, the hand holding the ring faltering slightly as he waits and waits and waits, before it falls to his side. 

“Marcus...”

“Please say something baby.” Your heart breaks even more when you see the hopeful emotions on his face fall at your hesitation. “Please just say something. Anything.”

“I can’t,” you croak out as your head falls, tears rolling down your cheeks, avoiding the look of utter heartbreak on his face. “We’re too young, Marcus. We haven't even finished college yet; we  don't have a steady pay check; we haven't even been-”

“I know what I feel for you. I know that I love you with all my fucking heart.” He pauses, his voice raw with emotion as he fights back his tears.”Please just say yes.”

                                                       ~~~

You knew it was cowardly to run away, you know that now, but after explaining to Marcus that you weren't ready to marry him you had packed all your things and left. Avoiding all his texts, calls, attempts at catching you on campus, he eventually gave up and left you alone. It broke your heart. 

Years had passed and you both had moved on. He got married, had a kid and moved away while you continued focussing on your job having set up your own business in the city. You were happy for him, really, and you tried to ignore the feeling of jealousy that sprouted in your chest whenever you heard news of him from his mother who you kept in touch with all these years (you figured he wanted nothing to do with you anymore after your rejection).

And that's why you were surprised to receive an invitation from Marie Moreno to come visit them. 

The idea of seeing Marcus Moreno again nearly scared you into not going- something which Marie must have sensed when you had called her the day before you were supposed to travel as she made (empty) threats to hit you with her walking stick if you didn't come. It was something that you didn't want to risk. 

Standing in front of their door, however, changed your mind and you had almost made it back to the rented car before the door opened and a young girl appeared, a large smile on her face. So this must have been Missy. There was no doubt about it; her dark brown eyes that crinkled at the corners when she smiled, her skin a healthy tanned gold - everything about her proved that she was Marcus’ child. 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” She takes a step forward to shake your hand, not letting go. “My abuelita has told me so many stories about you like that one time you went over for dinner and my dad told you a joke so funny that a piece of spaghetti came out of your nose!”

“Of all the stories she has about me, of course she has to tell that one.” You mutter under your breath but the girl managed to still hear it, her smile widening. 

“Or there was that one time when-”

“Missy!” A voice calls out from the house and your heart stills as footsteps draw nearer to you. “Do you have everything? We cannot be late to this thing again otherwise Mrs Flanagan is going to have my head on a spi-”

Your heart jumps in your throat when your eyes meet, those brown eyes that you could have stared at for years when resting on his chest as the world around slowly woke up for the day. He looks older, better, a beard adorning his face and a pair of thick framed glasses perching on his nose, but he also looks...the same. His eyes widen and take in the fact that his old girlfriend from his high school days is standing on his front porch. 

“Hey.” You wave at him awkwardly with your free hand.

“Um, hello? What- what are you doing here?”

"Marie invited me...she said you knew about this.”

Marcus looks to his daughter for an answer only to be met with a sly smile and gleaming mischievous eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but before he can, a car pulls up on the street and Missy quickly grabs the bags he had dropped at his feet before running to the car. His mother's car. 

“Goddamit.” He glances at you, too scared too stare too long and remember. "I'm really sorry about this. Should've known that they were up to something- they've been acting weird these last couple of days."

"It's okay Marcus."

Your laugh is angelic, like hearing an old song again after such a long time, and he tries to ignore the way his heart thumps wildly within his chest and his stomach flips within his stomach. He smiles, clearly lost in his own thoughts and you try to ignore the way your heart speeds up at the gesture and the butterflies in your stomach. 

"Would you- do you want to come in?" His offer is tentative but it still means the world to you and you happily nod, moving past him when he takes a step back into the house. 

It’s nice, homely, as you take in the framed family pictures lining the hall that leads to the kitchen. You grin at the mess in the kitchen, breakfast plates and bowls littering the counters- he still struggled to fin the time to clean- and he must sense your thoughts as he smiles sheepishly at you, moving to put everything in the sink. 

“Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea?” 

“Just water please.” 

It’s awkward and tense, the air filled with unsaid things. You watch quietly as he gets a glass for you and fills it with water, eyes fixed on the task at hand instead of looking up at you. 

“How-how have you been?”

“Good. Everything’s good.” You mumble, ignoring the way his eyes look you over quickly. “Not as good as you though! You got married. And you had a kid.”

He laughs, fiddling with the ring on his finger, and your attention is drawn to the simple band of gold. His smile falters as he stares down at it. “I did. She-my wife passed away about a year ago.” 

“I’m so sorry Marcus.” Placing your glass down on the counter, you round it to stand in front of him. “How has it been?”

“Hard, yeah.” He nods his head and casts his eyes to the ground, trying to hide the tears that have started to gather in his eyes. “Missy has been dealing with it better than I have. But we’re- I’m getting there.” 

You lift your hand and place it on his arm, comforting, and he closes his eyes at the contact of warmth. His eyes lift up to meet yours, not breaking away, and you hastily take a step back, away from him. 

“It’s, uh, really nice to see you.” 

Your cheeks redden as you nod your head. “It’s nice to see you too. Anyway, I should probably go and check into the Bed and Breakfast.”

You turn to leave, Marcus trailing behind, as you open the front door and take a step outside. A mixture of feelings torment you as you glance at him over your shoulder before getting into the rental car. Before you can drive off, he runs to your car window, signalling for you to open it. 

“Would you maybe want to go to dinner with me? To catch up?” 

Those brown eyes fill with a hope that you haven't seen for a long time, that you haven't seen since the last time you had the honour of being the centre of Marcus’ life, and it makes your heart beat just a little bit faster in your chest. 

“I would love to.”

[yuexuan]

Fiction recommendation 21

Time for some more fic recs because its been awhile since I did them!

1. 幻想农场 (Fantasy Farm)

Author: 西子绪

Farming/slice of life, food fic, supernatural, mythology

Summary [taken from novel updates]:

After being fired, Lu Qingjiu finally decided to return to his hometown to farm.

At first, he started raising a pig, and then he found that the pig could solve more high-level math questions than he could.

After that, he started raising a flock of chickens, and then he found that his own fighting ability was one-tenth of that of a single chicken.

Finally, Lu Qingjiu finally realised that this old home wasn’t quite right… Especially a certain person by his side who constantly stared at him day in and day out.

Lu Qingjiu: “Are you drooling because of the spicy stir-fry I’m holding or because of me?”

Bai Yuehu pointed at the stir-fry.

Lu Qingjiu: “Then can you let go??”

Bai Yuehu reluctantly glanced at Lu Qingjiu’s arm, before loosening his teeth.

Comments:

My first thought is: don’t read this fic when you’re hungry. Every chapter is filled with delicious descriptions of food that’ll make one’s mouth water. The novel makes a lot of references to creatures from the Classics of the Mountains and Seas, which is a delight to learn about. An easy-to-read, fun novel. 

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation 

2. 全球高考 (Global Examination)

Author: 木苏里

Infinite flow, suspense, action

Summary [taken from novel updates]:

One day, You Huo and his famiIy was puIIed into an exam caIIed the GIobaI University Entrance Examination. Going through exams together with other unfortunate examinees, their Iives are put at stake and they can only Iive by passing each exam. However, something about these exams and the system controIIing it didn’t seem right — lt seemed to be trying to trap the examinees with ridiculous ruIes and strange questions…

There, You Huo meets lnvigiIator 001 who seems to hoId a key to the past he no Ionger remembered and, together, they go through the exam, unravelling the mysteries behind their past and the system.

Tldr: A pair of chaotic madmen work together to go against the examination system while feeding the readers dogfood.

Comments:

I admit that I didn’t like the story when I first started reading it. But as the story progresses, the rules of the examination fall into place and the different examinations got very challenging and interesting. The whole power couple and stranger-to-lover tropes are an added highlight. 

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation | Audio drama | Manhua

3. 全球上线 (Earth Online)

Author: 莫晨欢

Infinite flow, suspense, survival, action

Summary:

Six months ago, tens of thousands of huge towers appeared all over the world, floating over cities. No one could do anything about them.

Half a year later, people are used to the towers and learned to ignore them.

One day Tang Mo saw a bug fly towards one of the towers and hit it.

The next day, a child's voice announced to the entire world: Ding dong! 15th November, 2017, the earth went online.

   The three iron rules of the towers:    (1) The towers shall explain everything.    (2) The game time starts from 6:00 - 18:00.    (3) All players please try their best to attack and defeat the towers.

Comments:

Another suspenseful infinite flow stories. I love the smart power couple dynamic, how the two of them become powerful when they collaborate, but are also equally capable of defeating the towers’ levels by themselves. Moreover, all the characters don’t have your typical “oh let me be a hero and save everyone” complex. They all weighed the benefits and costs at each turn and are capable of making decisions that best maximize their chances of survival - whether that is ruthlessly killing other players or extending a saving hand. All the powers and items that the players received and the world-building are very unique (especially Tang Mo’s and his book haha). This one is gonna challenge your brain a bit, but definitely worth a read. 

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation 

4. 不要在垃圾桶里捡男朋友 (Don’t pick up boyfriends from the trash bin)

Author: 骑鲸南去

Infinite flow, transmigration

Summary [from novel updates]:

Chi Xiaochi: fourth-rate citizen at birth, three-time award-winning film emperor, second-rate temper, first-class looks. He crawled his way out of hell on hard mode to become a winner at life.

Then, he was smashed into a vegetative state by a chandelier.

061: Hello, here’s a brief rundown on the scum gong reconditioning system. This system measures the regret level of the scum gong. Every time their regret level reaches one hundred points, you will be able to leave the current world. A friendly tip, usually, through dedication and self-sacrifice, our employees slowly foster a sense of dependency in the scum gongs, gradually making it so the scum gongs can’t live without them.

Chi Xiaochi: How many regret points is a complete loss of reputation and standing worth? How about a fall from grace? Or wanting something but never being able to obtain it?

061: ……

Comment:

Don’t let the title fool you. I entered the novel thinking it’s some meet-cute modern-day slice-of-life comedy, but it turns out to have some really good angst and adventure moments in there. Heck, it’s been awhile since I cried for a novel. :’) 

There are ten arcs (i.e. worlds) that the protagonist enters, each with its own backstory, so this novel might feel longer than the usual danmei. Nevertheless, I enjoyed all the details placed into each world and all the side characters. I also like that the protagonist is very smart and cunning and he grows throughout the different worlds. The only con I’ll say to this is that everything proceeds a bit too smoothly, especially with the golden finger of 061, so the protagonist can come off as being too OP. Nevertheless, the ending and last world are just huge tear-jerkers. 

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation

5. 迪奥先生 (Mr. Dior)

Author: 绿野千鹤

Comedy, fluff, romance 

Summary [from novel updates]:

One day, Zhang Chenfei met a car accident. Fortunately, he didn’t suffer any serious physical injuries. However, due to the impact of the car crash, his brain’s perception of the real world had turned into that of the novel that he was reading prior to the accident. The thing that horrified his wife, Jiao Qi, was… the Smart Brain, Louis XIII downloaded a series of books which meant that his husband would turn into a different character each time!

How will our adorable little wife deal with this kind of husband who seemed to suddenly suffer from multiple personalities?

This novel’s plot focuses on Zhang Chenfei’s changing personality based from the characters in the books, and how his wife, Jiao Qi, deal with every character as he will have to act in sync with whoever his husband’s character is. This is per the advise of the private doctor since treatment of this special condition was still under research.

As they act out their roles, they will gradually discover and learn more about the other, which they’ve never known in their seven years of living together.

Comment:

The amount of second-hand embarrassment and cringe I got from this novel is huge and I love it lol. If you are curious about how cheesy and cliche Chinese romance can get, please do try reading this. It includes some of the worst and most dog blood tropes in a comedic and satirical way, while advancing the main pairing’s relationship at the same time. Truly a fun read!

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation | Manhua

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[doc-pickles]

always free to run home

in which alex's dad shows up post 16x16

hello! i posted this fun little fic on AO3 awhile back but i'm also throwing it over here. shoutout to @mac-andcheeses for letting me use her brain child for this one!

“Hey, it's Alex. Leave me a message.”

“Karev, it's Miranda Bailey. Your dad is being treated at Grey Sloan for injuries he sustained during a car crash and he’s also detoxing from years of heavy drug use. We don’t have any other emergency contact for him, the only reason we knew who he was… That’s not important. I need you to come back to Seattle. I know you’ve got your picket fence and your perfect kids and your blonde ex wife out there in Kansas but you need to come back home.”

+

“Hey Junior. Can’t believe they really dragged your sorry ass out here. Doctor Bailey said I got a couple of grandkids out in Kansas. What the hell are you doing in Kansas?”

Alex rolls his eyes, ignoring his dad as he flips open his chart. Bailey had explained the situation when he had arrived just 30 minutes earlier but he wanted to see for himself just how bad it was looking for his father.

“They’re my kids but you’re not their grandpa. You don’t deserve that title,” Alex answers, not looking up from the chart. “Your liver is failing.”

“I know, that’s what they told me.”

“That doesn’t just happen overnight, you must have been in pain for a while.”

“You’re not giving me any new information, the leggy brunette doctor nearly chewed my ear off when I first came in,” Jimmy lets out a sigh and Alex decides to let his comment about his doctor slide. “I’m dying, it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Do you just not care about anything? You’re about to die and all you can do is shrug your shoulders,” when Jimmy doesn’t respond Alex can’t help the frustrated groan that leaves him. “God I don’t even know why I came out here. You’re still the same guy that left us all those years ago aren’t you?”

Alex turns to leave but stops in his tracks when Jimmy speaks up, “Now that’s something you know a thing or two about isn’t it?” He doesn’t know how his dad knows the details of his escape from Seattle but his words make Alex’s blood boil as he turns to face Jimmy again, “Don’t you ever compare me to you. I left my whole life behind the minute I heard about my kids. I left my friends, my wife. Everything! I left the state to be there for my kids, I am nothing like you.”

“Trust me kid, I know all about your wife. Who do you think figured out who I was? Didn’t you see her name all over those tests?”

Alex practically lunges at the chart he’d just discarded. His eyes frantically scan the page, freezing almost immediately as he finds what he’s looking for.

Attending on the case: Doctor J. Karev

“She figured out pretty quick who I was, said we have the same crooked smile,” Jimmy is unphased by Alex’s mild freak out, continuing his story. “Didn’t say it outright but I saw her name on my chart and I knew. Well I pieced it together eventually, I’m not stupid.”

Alex finally looks back at Jimmy, anger still evident in his expression, “I know I fucked up by leaving Jo but you left our family! You left your kids behind!”

“And how exactly do you think I figured out who she was?”

Alex pauses, mind reeling at Jimmy’s words. He thinks he knows what he’s saying but Alex refuses to believe it. His dad was probably high still and trying to guilt trip him.

“I saw her, you ex wife. She was getting coffee and she had a baby, a little boy, all bundled up in his carrier. That’s when I figured it all out, the kid is your clone. Looks just like you did when your mom and I brought you home.

“Anyways the next day I overheard her talking to someone in the hall about how she couldn’t be on my case anymore. And it all made sense, the last name and the baby and everything. She stopped by earlier today and that short doctor told her you were coming. I think she went home to avoid you.”

Standing in a stunned silence Alex stares at the chart in his hands, still trying to fully process what his father is telling him. On the other hand Jimmy is talking a mile a minute but Alex can’t comprehend a word he’s saying.

“I gotta go,” Alex mutters the words as a half assed goodbye, sprinting out of the room and down to his rental car.

The loft is an easy destination, Alex’s body driving almost on autopilot. As he pulls into the back of the lot it occurs to him that in the year he’d been gone Jo might have moved. He’s about to call Meredith when the sleek black Audi he used to drive pulls in. He sits and stares in awe as Jo climbs out, opening the back door to grab a diaper bag and car seat before heading inside. He can’t see the baby from his vantage point but just the knowledge that he and Jo have a child together brings tears to his eyes.

He pulls himself together quickly, locking his car as he takes the steps up to the loft two at a time. It’s not until he’s standing at the door that he pauses, wondering if Jo rebbe wants to see him. Despite his reservations Alex knocks on the door, knowing he never wanted to live a life where he didn’t know all of his children.

The loft door slides open and for a moment the world around Alex is frozen. Jo is standing in front of him, eyes wide as she takes him in. As awestruck as Alex is seeing Jo for the first time in a year he can’t take his eyes off of the little boy in her arms. His dad was right, aside from the bright hazel eyes blinking up at him the kid is his clone, right down to the haphazard curls sticking up on his head.

“I… Bailey called me about my dad. And he said he saw you… I just needed to see for myself,” Alex shakes his head, as if the past year had suddenly come back to him. “I’m sorry I just barged in on you, I know you probably don’t want to see me. I’d really love to get to know him, you know where to reach me.”

Alex turns to leave, getting to the top of the stairs before Jo’s voice rings out, “His name is Blake. You two share a birthday.”

He doesn’t move as he processes what Jo’s just told him. There’s another beat of silence before she speaks again, “I didn’t know I was pregnant, you’d think a doctor of all people would know but I didn’t until I gave birth at home at 2 AM. He’s only three months old and by some miracle he’s perfect.”

Alex finally turns around, staring wordlessly at Jo who has tears streaking down her face. Blake is fading fast in her arms, struggling to keep his eyes open as Jo gently rocks him. It takes everything in him not to surge forward and wrap them both in his arms, but he knows not to push his luck with the woman he left so long ago.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called and told you about him but this has been the longest and scariest three months of my life. I didn’t have nine months to prepare and adjust to being a mom, I had minutes. And every minute since I first held our son in my arms has been full of me second guessing myself and trying to do what’s best for him.”

Jo’s chest is heaving now as she struggles to catch her breath. Her hand comes up to stifle the sob that comes out, Alex moving quickly to wrap her in his arms, “I know you’re a great mom Jo you don’t need to doubt that even for a minute. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you.”

“You being here wouldn’t have changed anything, except maybe you freaking out when I went to pee and came back with a baby,” Jo burrows herself further into Alex’s embrace. “We made a baby.”

“A pretty cute one too,” Alex is about to say more when he notices a ring of bruises around Jo’s wrist. She notices too, quickly pulling at her sleeves to cover the fresh black and blue marks. “Jo…”

Jo pulls away from Alex as she walks into the loft and sets Blake down in his crib, “I’m fine, it was just an accident at work last night.”

Alex steps in front of Jo as she attempts to walk away from him. He doesn’t reach out to hold her like he wants to, instead studying her nervous behavior, “You know you can tell me the truth, right?”

Jo nods, still hesitant to look up at Alex as she focuses on her hands, “It was just an altercation with a patient, Hunt stepped in before I could get seriously hurt.”

“Jo-”

“It’s fine!”

“It’s not fine, you were attacked by a patient.”

“And I’m not on the case anymore. So it’s-”

“Not fine! What would’ve happened if-”

“Nothing happened! And I don’t think it’s your place to worry about me.”

“Of course it is, it always will be.”

“Can you stop freaking out?” “You were hurt! Of course I’m going to-”

“It was Jimmy. It was your dad that… hurt me.”

There’s a stifling silence as Alex takes in what Jo’s just told him. She’s watching him nervously, as if he was going to blow his lid at any moment, but he just stays quiet. When she realizes that he’s not going to say anything, Jo breaks their eye contact and continues her story.

“He was detoxing and thought I was your mom,” Jo rolls up her sleeves to show Alex the large hand marks covering the bottom half of her arms. “I’m fine though, I got checked over and Blake was in his car seat the whole time.”

“Blake was with you?!”

“Yeah… I was just checking on Jimmy before I left. He had told me earlier that he wanted to see Blake, that he looked just like you did as a baby,” Jo still refuses to meet Alex’s worried gaze as she retells the events of the previous night. “When I got there things were fine but then I showed him Blake and Jimmy just… He started yelling at me and pushing me around the room. He was calling me Helen and asking why I hadn’t picked you up from school yet. I pushed Blake’s car seat out of the way right before he pinned me up against the wall. Thankfully I was able to reach the code blue button and Owen rushed in right before he punched me.”

Jo finally meets Alex’s eyes and it takes everything in him not to run out of the loft and find his father, to scream at him and kick and punch and make him pay for hurting Jo the way that he had hurt him and his mother. Instead he leans down and cups Jo’s cheeks, wiping the tears pooled there as he fixes her with a gentle look.

“I’m fine, I really am Alex. I was more worried about Blake through the whole thing,” Jo shrugs as Alex’s fingers float across her cheek. “I’m used to-”

Jo cuts her statement short as she realizes what she was about to say. Instead she shakes her head and breaks free from Alex’s hold on her as she walks to what used to be his dresser. She pulls out a pair of his ratty sweatpants and an old t shirt, handing them to him as she walks past him towards her bed, “You can stay on the couch tonight, you know where the blankets are.”

“I can wake up with Blake,” Alex quickly offers. “You have a ton of bottles up by the sink and I’ve made about a thousand of them in the NICU. You need the rest.”

Jo just nods, practically falling into bed with a sigh. By the time Alex comes out of the bathroom her soft snores are echoing through the loft.

+

When Jo wakes up the next morning Alex has scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom and folded the pile of laundry on the couch. He had let Jo sleep in, toting Blake around in his carrier while he cleaned the loft. While Jo was never the neatest person she would always get antsy when the loft started to get too unorganized or cluttered. He could tell just from the state of things that she was completely overwhelmed with the infant that had unexpectedly taken over her life.

“I made coffee,” Alex gestures to the steaming pot on the counter. “And Blake just went down for a nap.” Jo nods in appreciation, silently pouring a cup of coffee for herself before turning to Alex, “When are you going back to Kansas?”

“My flight is scheduled for late tonight,” Alex lets out a sigh as Jo turns away from him. “Jo come on, I didn’t even know about Blake until yesterday.”

Jo turns back towards him, anger replacing the sadness that was just there, “Because you left! You left me Alex! I’m not counting on you sticking around just because we have a baby together.”

“I’m not just going to abandon my kid Jo.”

“Well you abandoned your wife pretty easily so excuse me if I don’t exactly believe you,” Jo scoffs, tears welling in her eyes. “You wanna know why I never called? Because being a single mom sounds a lot easier than shipping my son across the country to see his dad and step mom and their perfect life on a farm. I know you want to be in Blake’s life but I’m not putting him on a plane every other weekend so you can do that.”

“Izzie and I aren’t together.”

“Could’ve fooled me. Your stupid letter-”

“Was a mistake! The biggest mistake that I have ever made and I am so sorry about that Jo, but I would never try to take Blake from you,” Alex pleads. “You have to know that, don’t you?” “I don’t know that, I don’t know anything about you,” Jo’s voice reaches a scream as she faces off with Alex. “You spent years telling me you weren’t leaving, even longer trying to show me that your actions were louder than your words. And you still left me in a freaking letter!”

“Jo-”

Jo finally turns away from Alex, running a hand through her hair, “I’m not arguing with you about this. You left and gave me no say in our divorce.” “I had to leave, I had to be there for my kids.”

“And I would’ve come if you had asked me,” there’s tears in Alex’s eyes as Jo speaks, her voice coming down from it’s roar. “If you want to talk about knowing people, you should’ve known that I would follow you anywhere Alex. Did nine years teach you nothing or are you just extraordinarily stupid?”

Alex’s phone rings and breaks the illusion that they’re alone in the world. He only glances at the text for a moment before he’s shoving his shoes on his feet and grabbing his wallet and keys. When he looks back at Jo she’s staring at him with an anxious expression.

“I’m not leaving, it’s just my dad and-”

“Go Alex.”

“I’m not-”

“Go. We’ll still be here.”

Alex only spares one more look at Jo before he’s rushing out the door to Grey Sloan. He doesn’t know why he feels some sick sense of honor towards the man that abandoned him and gave him more trust issues than he can name, but he knows he needs to see his dad.

“Karev, your dad coded a little while ago,” Bailey begins to explain the situation as soon as Alex walks up to her. “Because of his long term drug use his heart is weak. He’s stable for now but… I would be shocked if he made it through the night.”

Alex nods his thanks to Bailey as he walks into Jimmy’s room. His dad is laying completely still, the slow and steady beeping monitors the only sign that he’s still alive. Alex settles into the seat next to the bed, watching his dad for a long moment. He hated him for years for everything he had put their family through, the way he had abandoned them and hurt his mom beyond repair. In fact Alex couldn’t help but feel a cruel kinship with his father, both men having broken their families into seemingly unfixable pieces.

“Alex.”

The soft voice shocks him but Alex looks up to meet his dad's gaze. He can tell it’s taking everything in him to form words but that doesn’t stop Jimmy.

“Kid, you’re nothin’ like me. That girl loves you more than you know and you’ve got a chance to do right by her and that little boy,” Jimmy lets out a cough and reaches out for Alex’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did. You’re a much better man than I ever was.”

It’s silent after that, Alex sitting and holding his dad's hand until the monitors around him fall silent an hour later. He sits with him for a while more before leaving, going back to the hotel room he had rented instead of the loft like he had wanted to. There’s a million thoughts running through his head but one rings louder than the rest.

Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

+

Logically Alex knows he should’ve called or texted or even sent another letter to Jo. Maybe not the letter, but it had been two weeks since his dad had passed and he had left Seattle without a word to anyone. He feels bad for leaving Jo once again but he also knows that his decision is for the best.

He’s not shocked even a little when Jo opens the loft door and scowls at him. Blake is on the floor of the living room batting at colorful shapes on his playmat and Alex is thankful that he at least seems happy.

“Hi.”

“Hey asshole,” Jo scoffs and turns around, leaving the door open for Alex but not acknowledging him. “You said you were going to the hospital and then you left. You specifically said you weren’t leaving and then you left. Again.”

“I know.”

Jo picks up the laundry basket on the couch and begins to put away the folded clothes, “I’m not really interested in whatever it is you have to say Alex. I’m done believing anything you say because every time I do I just get hurt.”

“l bought a house in Queen Anne,” Alex watches as the laundry basket in Jo’s hands tumbles to the ground, her eyes wide as she stares at him with unwavering attention. “I know you always liked the neighborhood and it’s right around the corner from Meredith. It’s a two story with some extra bedrooms and it’s got a big backyard for Blake to run around in with the twins when they come to visit in the summers. I already talked to Izzie and she said she’s more than happy to let them visit. And uh Bailey gave me my job back, as head of peds.”

Jo’s hand flies up to her mouth as she stares at Alex in shock. He at least has the decency to look somewhat ashamed for having left without a word, but the sight of her so emotional over his return makes him feel slightly better.

“I’m staying in Seattle, I’m going to be here for Blake. I can’t… I’m not my dad. I’m not going to leave my kid or my… you. I’m not letting you do this alone Jo, you don’t deserve that,” Alex takes a deep breath and chances another look at Jo who now has tears running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I didn’t call but I wanted to wrap things up back in Kansas and have everything lined up here. I promise that anytime you call or text from now on that I’ll answer. I’m not going to make the same mistakes I did before.”

The last word barely slips out of Alex’s mouth before Jo is across the loft, throwing herself into his hold. A sigh of relief leaves Alex as he wraps her in his arms, pressing his lips to her hair. They stay that way for a few minutes, just enjoying being close before Jo pulls back.

“Thank god, the loft is getting crowded and I’m worried Blake is gonna end up electrocuting himself or something when he starts crawling because I never had time to baby proof,” Jo blinks up at Alex, who looks confused at her statement. “What did you think I wasn’t going to come with you?”

“I-“

Before he can say anything in return Jo’s lips are against his and for the first time in months Alex feels well and truly at home.