#also he goes through so much trauma and there's like. a whole entire war which he wins basically singlehandedly

[daisynik7]

Iris

And I don't want the world to see me, ‘cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Mature – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Word Count: ~4.5k (I went way over than I was supposed to, lol)

cw: switching POVs (2nd person reader, 3rd person Eren), canon-universe, VERY canon-divergent, consider this a what-if scenario, major AOT spoilers up to season 4, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut – PIV sex (cowgirl position), fingering 

Summary: At the Battle of Fort Slava, Eren Jaeger, hell-bent on launching his ultimate attack on Marley, injures himself to pose as a wounded soldier, granting him admittance to the hospital to finalize his plans. You, an Eldian volunteer working at the hospital, start treating this new patient, nervous about his mysterious demeanor. Eventually, you learn that you have much more in common with each other than you think. 

Author’s Note: Thank you @ichinosejager13 for your second request for the y2k karaoke party! I did something totally different this time; I wrote a fic set in the canon universe. I thought it fit well with this song, so I hope you like it! While it’s set in the canon universe, it is very obviously canon divergent, so please remember I took a lot of liberties with this. I am in no way suggesting that any of this is what I wish happened in canon. I just think it was an interesting idea to write. Also, I understand that this will seem very out-of-character for Eren, but let’s just roll with it because it's all in good fun, lol. 

Like, reblogs, and/or comments are ALWAYS appreciated! Thank you for reading! MDNI banner by @/cafekitsune.

Fort Slava, huddled in the trenches. Blade through his leg, bullet in his eye. This is the last vivid memory Eren can recall as he stands in line outside the hospital, waiting to be admitted. Some asshole Marleyan imitates explosion sounds, causing all of those around him to fall to the ground, cowering in fear. They suffer trauma from the battlefield, and even Eren, with a clear conscious now, is affected by it. A kid, another Eldian dawning the same yellow armband as he is, steps towards them, kneeling down to help them up. He even assists Eren, correcting his armband to his left arm instead of the right. Luckily, it goes unnoticed by everyone else, which is exactly what he wants. 

It's all part of his plan; the attack on Marley. It’s been in the works for months now, starting with his infiltration of the army, fighting alongside Marleyans and Eldians alike. He thought he’d have better clarity of the situation, maybe get convinced to call the whole thing off after bonding with other solders through the tragedies of violence and war. Unfortunately, it’s only made him realize how much more he needs to follow through with it. Nothing will ever change in this cruel world unless he’s the one to do it. 

There are days when he gets cold feet. He’s tempted to re-evaluate, find a way back to his home of Paradis, reunite with his friends, devise a better plan and figure it out together. But in all the futures Eren can see, his current plan is the only one that will work. The only one that will grant him the freedom he’s been chasing his entire life.  

The process is slow to get a room in the hospital. Luck remains on Eren’s side when he’s assigned a private room. It’s barren; a single-bed, just long enough to accommodate his stature, withered sheets and rusted iron on the frame. There’s a small nightstand beside it with two drawers to hide his belongings, which is essentially nothing, and atop is a small lamp, illuminating the room in a dreary glow. It’s not luxurious, but it’s enough for the time-being. Because that’s all Eren needs right now: time. 

Eventually, Zeke will find him. They’ve been contacting each other for a while now, and Eren has a firm grasp on what his older brother is trying to convince him to do with the Founder’s power. While he doesn’t agree with his idea to euthanize the entire race of Eldians, Eren needs to entertain it long enough to manipulate Zeke into letting him use his royal blood. 

It's all convoluted and fucked up, he’s aware of that. Somedays, he wishes he could escape this curse without doing anything at all. That one day, he’d be gone from this world, liberated from his Titan power, saved from this burdened life. This isn’t what he imagined while reading all those books he and Armin would marvel at as kids. This isn’t the freedom he was hoping for. 

He rests in his pathetic, yet oddly comforting bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. His leg and eye are still wrapped in bandages, so a nurse should be coming soon to check on him. There’s a faint commotion out in the hallway, but Eren is too lazy and too uninterested to investigate. Soon, it subsides, and the door swings open, revealing a women around his age, wearing a nurses uniform and the yellow Eldian patch on her left arm. He recognizes the attire from battle; the army had a few nurses stationed at the fort for casualties. 

“Mr. Kruger?” she asks. 

It takes him a second to remember the alias he decided to use. He confirms it, nodding his head silently. 

She gives him a warm smile, introducing herself. “I’ll be helping you from now on.”

~~~

You started working at the hospital a few months ago. For Eldians, it’s nearly impossible to be accepted into higher education, so nursing school was never an option. With opportunities so scarce, your best bet was to apply for a volunteer position at the hospital in hopes of using that as a steppingstone for an actual paying job. You don’t expect a promotion any time soon, not even in the near future, but at least you’re spending your time helping others.

While it’s rewarding, it isn’t glamorous or pretty in the slightest bit. Because you lack the proper education, your tasks mostly include bathing, feeding, cleaning up any accidents or messes. Occasionally, if your patient is open to it, you spend time with them chatting, doing activities with them, listening to their stories. This is rare, though. Most that are admitted are Marleyans who refuse to speak to you because of your status. Some are even reluctant to have you help them in the first place. The Eldians, sadly, are usually too traumatized to open up, so you do your best to make them comfortable however you can. 

When you meet your newest patient, Eren Kruger, you don’t expect him to be any different from the rest. You are, however, surprised at how young he is; he can’t be any older than you, judging by his appearance. His records show nothing except for his name and his status as an Eldian, which isn’t unusual, so you don’t think much of it. “Mr. Kruger, I know you must be hungry,” you start. “Lunch will be arriving soon. If you need assistance, I’ll be here to help you.”

He acknowledges you with another curt nod, remaining silent. You can’t help but notice how brilliantly green his eyes are. Have you ever seen irises like his before? You let the inappropriate thought vanish quickly before you ask, “Would you like me to bathe you now or after you eat?”

At this, his brows tighten. “Bathe?” 

“Yes, Mr. Kruger. We can bathe you before or after lunch, it’s up to you – ”

“I don’t want to bathe,” he says, avoiding your gaze. 

You blink at him, unsure how to respond. “Surely you must want to be clean – ”

He interrupts you again, muttering, “How can I, when I’m like this?”

You understand his hesitation now, not needing further explanation. Sometimes, patients with missing limbs have expressed concern submerging themselves in a tub full of water, not wanting to get their bandages wet. Quickly, you clarify, “It would be a sponge bath. We can do that while you’re lying in bed, actually. And your bandages will stay intact.”

This seems to be the answer he’s looking for. His expression relaxes when he says, “After. I want to do it after I eat.”

You smile softly at him, noting it on your checkboard. “Understand. I’ll go check on your meal now. Is there anything else you need from me?”

A beat passes before he replies, “Pen and paper. For letters.”

You write it, reminding yourself to bring it when you return with his meal. “Got it.”

A few minutes later, you return with a tray of food along with a wad of paper and two pens. You set it on his nightstand beside him, waiting for him to move it. When he doesn’t, staying still, staring blankly at the foot of the bed, you clear your throat. “Mr. Kruger?”

“I’m not hungry,” he murmurs. 

“But you haven’t eaten all day. You need nourishment if you’re going to get any better.”

“And who says I want to get better?” He glares at you, startled by the intensity in his gaze. 

You swallow hard, nervous, but still resilient. “You have to eat. You owe it to yourself after what you’ve been through.”

“And how would you know what I’ve been through?” His voice is steady, a hint of venom, barely enough to sting. But you’re determined. You sit at the edge of the bed, careful not to touch him. Reaching for the tray, you set it down on your lap, sighing. “I don’t know. I have no idea what war is like out there. All I know is that it’s not great for us here. At least out there, you’re fighting together as a unit. Marleyan, Eldian, it doesn’t matter. You’re working to defeat our enemy. And who knows? If we ever win the war, maybe life will be better for us here.” You shove the tray towards him, glaring back at him. “So the least you could do is try to see it through and survive, right?”

He studies you carefully, contemplating how to respond. Glancing at the tray in front of him, he smirks, scooping a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. You ease up, tension releasing from your shoulders. 

After a few more bites, he speaks. “Who do you think the enemy is?” 

Just when you thought you were in the clear, he asks you another question. “It was the Mid-East Allies. That’s who you fought at Fort Slava.” 

“But who do you think the real enemy is?” He’s finished with his potatoes, now moving on to his meatloaf. 

“Well, I suppose it’s whoever the government says it is.” You’re unsure what kind of answer he’s searching for.

“And if they say that we’re the enemy, then what?” He points between you, leaving you confused. 

“We…?”

“Eldians. Devils.”

“No, no. The Devils are on the island. We’re…we’re not like them.”

“Are you sure?” He stuffs the rest of the meat into his mouth, chewing and swallowing it all down. “What makes you think you’re any better here than you are there?”

Your face feels hot now, and you start to stammer. “Because…because that’s what we were told. We’re on the right side. They’re on the wrong.” 

His plate is nearly clean now. He slides his fingers on the remnants, licking it off before chugging half a glass of water. “What if I told you there’s a place for people like us? A place where you wouldn’t have to walk around with an armband. A place where you were treated fairly. Would you want to go to a place like that?” 

You feel yourself drawn in by his words. The idea of it sounds impossible. Ever since you were born, you were taught to know your place in this world. That place was here in Marley, destined to be a second-class citizen. You were told that the island across the sea was full of devils like you, but because you’re here, you’re better. You can’t deny that you’ve been curious what life is like out there. All this time, you thought it must be worst, secluded on an island, hated by the rest of the world. 

But is this life any better? Secluded in your own community and still hated by the rest of the world?

You pick the tray up from his lap, muttering, “I’ll go get your sponge bath ready.”

He doesn’t add anything else, watching you silently. You walk towards the door, ready to leave. Before you do, you say, “And to answer your question: I would.”

~~~

It was supposed to be innocent banter, that’s what Eren intended. He figured he could chalk it up to the trauma speaking for him, that she wouldn’t even be remotely interested in what he had to say. He thought she’d be like all the other naïve, brainwashed Eldians, ignorantly believing everything that was told to them. He realizes soon enough that he was wrong to underestimate her.

She comes to him every day, fulfilling her volunteer duties. Their daily routine begins with breakfast, then a morning stroll in his wheelchair out in the courtyard. Sometimes they’ll play chess at one of the tables, sometimes it’s checkers. Lunchtime comes, and then it’s time for a bath, one of Eren’s favorite parts of the day. Her hands are always gentle, gliding along his skin with a damp sponge. They’ll do another stroll outside, this time on his crutches, where he practices how to walk. Dinner arrives when it’s already dark out, and occasionally, he’ll ask her to read the latest news from the paper. 

While all this happens, they talk. They talk a lot. 

As expected, she figures out that Eren is from Paradis, though he bends the truth about his true intentions for being here. She doesn’t know about his Titan powers, thinking he’s a refugee seeking sanctuary here. Surprisingly, she isn’t offended about it; in fact, she’s curious. They spend most of their time together sharing stories of their childhood. Eren describes life in Paradis, she describes life in Marley. While there are stark differences between their upbringings, there are also blatant similarities. And together, they come to the gut-wrenching conclusion: Eldians are terrorized wherever they are, whether it’s here, or across the sea. 

Eren has only sent one letter in the past two weeks, and that was to his friends back home, informing them that he is in Marley, safe and sound. He doesn’t disclose his plan to them yet. In all honestly, he’s not sure what the plan is anymore. Zeke still hasn’t found him, nor has Eren gone out of his way to be found. What Eren does know is that he enjoys spending time with the woman who helps him. So much that he’s losing grip on what he’s supposed to be doing here. He has to do something soon.

It comes to a head one night, three weeks after he was admitted to the hospital. Eren requests for another sponge bath after dinner; it was a hot day and he worked up a sweat during their afternoon walk. She helps him strip his shirt off, starting with the wet, warm sponge at his chest, massaging small circles onto his sticky skin. He watches her carefully, noticing her eyes lingering on his body more so than usual. 

He speaks softly into her ear, leaning in close. “I have something to tell you.”

She continues above his waist, hands gently scrubbing, not bothering to look at him when she responds. “What is it, Eren?”

He’s thought about this all day. The plan. “Would you like to visit Paradis?”

This time, she does look at him, confused. “What?”

Louder now, and more confident, he says, “Come to Paradis with me. See what it’s like there.”

She scoffs. “I can’t just leave.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is my home.”

“They treat you like nothing here,” he argues. “At Paradis, you’re somebody. We can be safe at Paradis.”

She stops, tossing the sponge into the bucket of water beside her, frustrated. “Safe? After everything you’ve told me? You said it yourself; you’ve been terrorized by Titans since you were a kid. Every nation in the world wants Paradis gone. How can it be safe?”

He swallows thickly, gripping her hand delicately in his. “I can’t explain everything right now, but I have a plan. We have a plan.” He recalls one of the last memories he has of Armin, his brilliant friend, suggesting a small-scale Rumbling, enough to scare the rest of the world from attacking Paradis for centuries. He dismissed it quickly then, but now, he considers it. Could this be their best option? Instead of the billions of casualties Eren had originally devised? “You just have to trust me for now. Once we’re there, I can explain everything.”

She stares at him, clearly in shock from his suggestion. He doesn’t blame her. Eren is asking her to give up everything she knows. 

“Eren,” she starts, squeezing his hand tighter. “I don’t know if I can do that.” 

He smiles at her, brushing his thumb across her knuckles delicately. “I understand. I know it’s a big ask, and I shouldn’t have expected you to say yes. I just…I just think I know what I can do for Paradis to make it safe for people like us. Somewhere we can be ourselves, where people will know us for who we are, and not for what they see on our armbands.”

“It sounds like paradise,” she says quietly.

“It does. And I think I could make it that way. I know I can.”

She sighs, retrieving the sponge again. “I want to believe you, Eren. But I don’t think I can throw away my life for something I’m unsure of.” She starts to slide his pants off, ready to wash below his waist.

“Please, just consider it. I plan to leave soon, within the next few days. I just have to send out a letter tomorrow, and I should be ready to go.”

“You’re leaving? Already?”

“I know what I have to do now. I can’t waste any more time when we can end this war now.”

She peers at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I…” 

“What is it?” He sits up, leaning in close to cup her cheek, brushing away her falling tears. 

“Will we ever see each other again?” Her voice is trembling, lips quivering. His heart sinks into his stomach, seeing her like this.

He presses his forehead to hers. “I’ll find you when this is all over. I promise you. Whatever you do, don’t go anywhere near the shore, okay?” The small-scale Rumbling should only affect the fleets, which will be in the middle of the ocean, far from the shore. Still, he can’t risk anything happening to her. Not when he isn’t there to protect her.

She nods, not asking for any further explanation. He presses a small kiss to her forehead. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring us peace.” 

~~~

Eren asks you to drop off a letter in the mailbox, addressed to someone named Azumabito. Apparently, she is an ally to Eldians who is stationed here in Marley, so she can arrange a ship for him to head back home. 

There are still so many questions left unanswered, though you decide not to ask them. Maybe it’s foolish to trust someone you’ve only known for a month. But Eren has given you more truth about this harsh world that anyone else the entire time you’ve been here. And he’s the only one who’s ever promised you a better life. 

Two days after you mailed the letters, you receive a response. It’s addressed to you, though you’re sure it’s meant for Eren. There’s a fancy insignia stamped to one corner of the envelope: a circle with a triangle in the center, formed by samurai swords. You keep it safe in your pocket as you head for the kitchen, ready to deliver Eren’s dinner. 

He reads it when he’s finished with his meal. You watch as he scans the letter carefully, mouthing a few words under his breath. When he reaches the end, he looks up at you, a small grin on his face. “She’s arranged a ship for tomorrow morning, before sunrise.”

You gasp, surprised at how soon his departure is. “Tomorrow?”

He nods, folding the letter and tucking it beneath his pillow. 

You let out a deep breath, unsure what else to say. Noticing your quiet demeanor, he reaches for your hand to hold it. “I know this is happening so fast. But I’ve never been more certain about what I need to do until now.” He interlocks his fingers with yours, smiling. “And you helped me with that.”

“Me? How?”

“By being you. By giving me a chance to explain myself. Even when you found out I was from Paradis, you didn’t judge me. You got to know me. It showed me that there are people, good people, on this side. That even in a ruthless place like this, there is beauty to be saved.” 

You don’t say anything, throat too heavy with emotion to respond. Blinking away your tears, you take his tray from his lap, walking quickly to the door. Before you can leave, he asks, “Can you please come back to help me shave?”

Without turning to face him, you nod, exiting his room, stifling your sobs on your way down the hallway. Your heart yearns for more time with him. For the past few weeks, being here has been an escape from your painful reality. You’re not seen as an Eldian, you aren’t considered a second-class citizen. With him, you’re just you. 

You know that you can’t keep him caged here forever. Like a bird, he’s ready to spread his wings. He’s ready to be free. While you’re heartbroken to see him leave, you’re thrilled for him to fulfill his destiny. All you can hope is that one day, you’ll be reunited in a better place than here. 

You return to his room a couple of minutes later with everything you need to give him a close shave. His facial hair has grown out quite a bit since he arrived. You lather his face with a small amount of soap, scrubbing the suds off with a warm, wet towel. He closes his eyes, indulging in your relaxing touch. After mindful preparation, you begin to shave his goatee with a straight razor, pulling his skin taut, gliding the blade carefully across his chin, cleaning it after every stroke. When you’re done with his beard, you focus your attention on his mustache, delicately moving the razor until his skin is smooth and shaven. You smile as you wipe off any remaining residue with the towel. 

With everything discarded into the bucket of water set on the nightstand, you take this time to admire his face, memorizing every detail. The flutter of his lashes, the bridge of his nose, the sharpness of his jawline, the plush of his lips. It’s only now that you realize how close to him you are. You’re kneeling beside him on the bed, noses almost touching, your fingers grazing his smooth skin. He opens his eyes to look at you, and his breath hitches at the intimacy, glancing at your mouth. 

Before you can move, he closes the short distance, kissing you on the lips. As quickly as it happens, he pulls away, blushing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have asked first. I’m sorry – ”

You cut him off with another kiss, hungry for more. It’s his last day; in mere hours from now, he’ll be gone, and you’re not sure when you’ll see him again, if ever. It’s crossed your mind many times by now, how it would feel to be with him like this. The feeling of his lips on yours, the slide of his tongue in your mouth, the taste of his spit. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you’ve never thought about it. In fact, it’s been on your mind every night as you fall asleep, wishing you were in his arms instead of alone in your bed. 

He doesn’t pull away this time, sinking in deeper, slipping inside your mouth to swirl his tongue with yours. He’s just as sweet as you fantasized he’d be, luscious and rich in your mouth. His skin is smooth against your fingertips, tracing his jawline. One hand slides around your waist, tugging you closer to him, the other wraps around the nape of your neck, holding your head steady. You swing one leg over him, straddling his lap, hoisting the hem of your dress past your hips, revealing your panties. He moans, shifting beneath you in the bed to slip his trousers down, displaying his erection bulging in his underwear.

“Is this okay?” he huffs, catching his breath. His voice wavers, his only visible eye half-lidded with arousal, unable to keep his cool.

“Yes,” you answer, grinding yourself on him, kissing him sloppily. His grip is on your hips, guiding you to rut against his cock faster. The friction between you is enough to make you wet, your slick soaking through the fabric. 

“You’re an angel,” he whispers, dragging your bottom lip between his teeth. “I want to make you feel good.” His thumb teases the elastic of your waistband, hand slipping inside to rub your clit against his fingers. 

“Eren,” you moan, his sensual touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. He slowly slides two digits inside you, massaging your bud with his palm while he pumps his fingers into your sopping cunt. His cock is stiff beneath you, watching you ride his hand, cursing under his breath until you reach your climax, coating him in your arousal. 

You’re breathing heavily, in a daze from your orgasm. He removes his hand from you, slipping it past his underwear to jerk his cock. You reach for him, tugging his bottoms down his legs, replacing his fist with yours, stroking him eagerly. He whispers your name, bucking his hips in tandem with your movements. You’re aching for more, desperate to feel him inside you, feel him deeper. You position yourself correctly, pulling the crotch of your panties to the side to  tease the head of his cock up and down your folds. He sits up on his elbows, watching you with a nervous expression on his face. “Are you sure?” he asks.

You nod, smiling at him. “I’m sure. I want to be close to you, Eren.”

He swears, letting his head fall back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. You sink down on him, his dick stretching you out smoothly, still sleek from your previous orgasm. He moans, craning his neck to take in the lewd sight before him. “Oh my god,” he groans, thrusting his hips into you. 

You ride him slowly, his entire length filling you up to the brim. He plants his feet into the mattress to fuck you deeper, the metal frame creaking with every thrust. It doesn’t take long until you’re both coming together. He shoots his load inside you while you gush all over him, creating a wet mess between you that you couldn’t care less about in the euphoric state you’re in. You lift off him, rolling to his side, relaxing into the pillow with him beside you, cradling you in his arms. He gives you a smooch on the cheek, nuzzling his nose with yours. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“What?”

“You really are an angel,” he says, smiling at you.

~~~

Eren wakes up alone, and he’s almost convinced that it was all a dream until he spots the small note scribbled on paper laying his nightstand. 

It’s too hard to say goodbye, so I won’t. I trust you to keep your promise. We’ll see each other again soon.

With daybreak approaching, Eren leaves for the docks quickly with only the clothes on his back and letters in his pocket, including hers. With sunrise teasing the horizon, he makes it to the meeting place just in time. He recognizes Azumabito and greets her, explaining the situation as they board the ship. She informs him that they are waiting for several other passengers, so he makes himself comfortable by a window.  

A few minutes pass and one of the crew approaches him. “Mr. Jaeger, there is a woman trying to board, claiming they are with you. Do you know anything about this?”

He glances out the window towards the docks and to his shock, he sees an angel with a suitcase in hand, talking to Azumabito. His heart races, overjoyed as he jumps out of his seat, sprinting out of the ship to meet her. 

[floatingcatacombs]

Do Not Watch Stardust Memory

12 Days of Aniblogging 2024, Day 3

The Universal Century Gundam OVAs are pretty well-regarded as a whole. War in the Pocket is an antiwar Christmas classic from the perspective of a civilian child, and is also one of the most accessible Gundam shows. The 08th MS Team is regarded as having some of the best-animated fights in the whole franchise, and Gundam Unicorn keyed a new generation of fans into the setting, for better or for worse. Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory does not receive any such praise. Every once in a while a weirdo will vouch for it as an underrated series, or someone who grew up with it as their first Gundam will express blind devotion, but otherwise it goes mostly unaddressed, which is a surprise at first glance. This is the Gundam set between the original show and Zeta, bridging the gap by displaying the origin of the Titans and cataloguing the return of Zeon in the public consciousness. But Stardust Memory is buried for a reason: this is a deeply frustrating, slow, and confusing series. I hope I can convey why.

Stardust Memory (no relation to the Woody Allen movie) follows a cohort of soldiers at a Federation army base and later a space fleet as they try, very unsuccessfully, to unravel a scheme by Zeon remnants to… do something very bad! Zeon's central scheme doesn’t actually come into focus until the final episodes. Until then it’s mostly guys in rooms making sketchy deals and Zeon ace pilots screaming “you could never understand the importance of our mission!” and then…not explaining their mission. Being kept in the dark like that with very few other compelling plot developments does not good pacing make!

The main narrative thrust of this show is Kou’s growth from a boy into a man, through being forced to pilot a Gundam in service to a Federation which makes teens do its dirty work. Of course, there are obvious parallels here to Amuro Ray. But Kou manages to get through this ordeal without the introspection and anguish and trauma that makes Amuro’s arc so good. Kou gets plenty upset at himself for fucking up military objectives and not being Strong Enough, and his superiors dig into him plenty as well. But ultimately, it just comes across as a boy who fucked around and enlisted at a backwater Feddie base, and is currently Finding Out. It is much harder to feel sympathy for volunteer soldiers, even if they’re green! This may be my politics leading the conversation, but I just couldn't care about Kou. He’s a jerk and he sucks! So do his squadmates! Everyone in this show sucks!

This is actually a serious structural problem. Stardust Memory does not have likeable characters whatsoever. It’s one of the most negative depictions of the Earth Federation in any Gundam series, and on some level I endorse that! They may have had the moral high ground during the One Year War, but at the end of the day the Feddies are tactically incompetent, laughably corrupt, and morally spineless. Unfortunately, that does not make for an enjoyable cast whatsoever, as this rot extends all the way down from the leadership to our pilot protagonist. You kind of want them dead.

Zeon does not fare any better. Kou’s rival and the show’s main antagonist, the ace pilot Anaval Gato, ping-pongs between anger and extreme emotional stoicism. He flat-out refuses to acknowledge the protagonist as an equal, which means that their dynamic consists entirely of talking past one another. He believes in only the virtue of his mission, and executes it with brutal precision, while refusing to mention any clarifying what his mission is to the view or introducing any personal stakes. He’s just a guy here to start some fights, do some terrorism, and push some evil hacking buttons. Why do people like this guy? Seriously, it’s ridiculous to me that he is the most favorited character for this series on MyAnimeList, far above the protagonist and his love interest. Is it because he’s so flat and boring that he’s not actively jeopardizing his character like the rest of the cast? Maybe it’s just cryptofascism on the part of the site’s userbase. But either way, he’s nothing.

On the other hand, Cima Garhack, the other space fascist in play, is a top-tier Fucker. She enters the plot to cause problems for all sides, betraying whoever she can. Unfortunately, she suffers from what seems to be an irreconcilable number of late-breaking rewrites. Is she the ultimate mastermind? It seems that way for a second, but no. Is she introduced way too late with no context, forcibly sidelined for three episodes, and denied a satisfying resolution? You bet your ass! The fact that there’s a 3-minute short bundled with the home video releases that explains her backstory is indication enough that something went horribly wrong with fitting her into the narrative. She deserves way more to do. Honestly, she should have taken Gato’s place narratively! Instead, she’s left to strike deals with Anaheim Electronics, the Federation, and the rest of Zeon, selling everyone out to the highest bidder. That’s fun, but the contents and value of those meetings are unclear enough to the viewer that they’re just confusing and narratively weightless. Seriously, if I hadn’t played Anaheim Girl’s Love Story, I seriously would have had a tough time piecing together that Anaheim gave her the reskinned Gerbera Tetra as quid pro quo for an agreement of neutrality between the company and Zeon. And then it hardly matters, because all she does is fly it around for a bit before getting impaled by one of the stupidest Gundam designs imaginable. I wish she had been able to go down with agency, whether dignified or as the most pathetic and sopping wet older woman imaginable.

We spend shockingly little time in the offices of Anaheim Electronics, a disappointing decision that leaves me all the more impressed with AGLS for making their whole game using just a few scenes for reference. Our primary window into the company is Nina Purpleton, a mobile suit engineer who brings two of her division’s prototype Gundams to a remote Federation military base for testing at the start of the show. One of those Gundams is notable for having a fucking nuke attached to it. Within minutes, due to the base's laughable security, a Zeon pilot (Gato) manages to sneak in, steal the Nuke Gundam, flee to a Zeon-controlled launch site, and escape into space. Everyone in the Federation blames one another, and Kou is forced to learn to use the remaining Gundam, the one designed by Nina, to find and defeat Gato before Zeon can make use of the nuke.

First things first, Nina Purpleton has an absolutely adorable late-80s fluffy office woman design. For a moment there, it genuinely seems like she’s going to be allowed to be forceful and intelligent and commanding, but hahaha no of course not this show sucks. Within an episode or two she’s made into the Reward that Kou gets for learning how to pilot her Gundam, and the way they put the moves on each other feels so obviously forced. It’s a shame that the central romance here is just no good! And sure, maybe that’s on design, just like how the rest of the show is bad and meaningless and miserable to witness, but it’s a bad design! After mostly being sidelined and told no by everyone for the second half of the show, Nina does get some interesting agency in the very final episode, but we’ll get to that later. Gotta talk politics first.

Gundam broadly carries an antiwar message, though each entry stakes out its own unique position. Even the shows where the depicted war feels necessary and one side is clearly less bad make sure to rub in just how much it sucks for everyone. Except for Stardust Memory. This is the one Gundam series I’ve watched that is blatantly and uncritically fascist in its value system. Femininity and weakness are disparaged and punished, and the military values strength above all else and forces it upon our main character. Zeon of course is just as bad with their culture of valor and self-sacrifice. But for once, the two sides don’t feel that far apart in demeanor. And there's really no civilian perspective to try and remind us of the horrors of the war that they're caught in the crossfire of, which is genuinely unusual for a Gundam show.

The best part of Stardust Memory is clearly episode 5, when Kou gets his fancy new Gundam ripped apart by Cima, who’s actively confused by how bad he is at piloting and is honestly just toying with him. It’s downright erotic watching the Gundam’s limbs get shot off and torn apart and seeing it forced to make a desperate emergency landing, bound up in a series of nets as everyone in the hangar screams in panic (I think mecha guro may honestly be the one valid reason to watch this OVA). This is Kou’s low point, and it really is nice to see such an unlikeable protagonist get put in his place.

After the humiliation of all that, Kou runs away from his obligations while quartering in a lunar city, gets beat up in the street, and ends up getting rescued by Kelly Layzner, a former Zeon soldier turned garbage collector. Kou starts tinkering with the half-wrecked Mobile Armor in Kelly’s garage, only to discover that it’s a weapon that he’s being commissioned to fix up for the Zeon cause. Instead of fighting Kelly, or leaving, Kou continues to help him repair his ship while simultaneously making plans to rejoin his unit. The two of them vow to meet each other on the battlefield as equals and depart in noble esteem, as the heartfelt R&B of the ending theme swells in.

What?? It’s this stupid Honor of Battle character motivation out of nowhere, forcibly asserted by both sides in a broader conflict full of dirty tricks. You can show examples of how the individual fighters of Zeon were not bad people! 0079 does this constantly, and War in the Pocket is built around it. But this series of events is Nietzschean star lovers bullshit – it’s the molding of Kou from cowardly soldier into an ubermensch, through a series of increasingly baffling plot developments. Given how much of a pushover he’s been in the early episodes, this is a deeply drastic series of decisions, and it happens strictly because Stardust Memory needs Kou to Become A Man. This was the moment where the show's blatant, all-encompassing fascism became unavoidably clear to me. Kou's romance is affected as well – he has to become assertive and chivalrous and masculine in order to get the girl, minimizing Nina’s agency and involvement in the show’s important events afterwards. Come on.

Zeon slowly advances their plan in the later episodes of the OVA, scoring win after win from skirmish victories to surprise escapes to nuking half of the Federation fleet during a training exercise. Honestly, they could just keep doing this and probably win the protracted guerilla war? But no, their secret scheme must be executed at all costs! It’ll change everything.

Operation Stardust turns out to be…a colony drop! On the moon! Wait no, that was a fake-out, their real plan was to hit the Earth. And the colony’s going to fall right on Jaburo, as a perfect decapitation strike. Actually, nope, one more twist! The final step of Operation Stardust is for Gato to get to the colony control station and change the trajectory so it hits…North America. Wait, barely anyone lives there after the devastation of the One Year War! Ahh, I see, they’re going after their grain supply with this colony drop, in order to…. cause famine on Earth…. so they have to buy food from the colonies…to tip the scales politically for Zeon’s return and economically uplift the colonies…

Look, at that point why not just hit Jaburo? I get that they want to force the Earth to become dependent on space, but why not just end the military relevance of Earth once and for all? It’s clear that these Zeon remnants are totally insane and amoral and don’t care about human life or the environment – they nuked a whole ship fleet! All in all I really have no idea what the purpose is of this surprisingly inconsequential scheme. I don’t really like Watsonian analysis, but there is so much nonsense to poke at here.

Towards the end of show, Nina and Kou visit La Vie En Rose, a very yonic weapons development factory owned by Anaheim all the way out in space. Kou essentially starts cheating on Nina by agreeing to test the Mobile Suit of another woman – that is the main way they've mediated their relationship, after all. This other woman gets shot and killed later that episode in order to force Kou to be Stronger and willing to pilot her prototype Gundam. It’s Zeta levels of fridging women for the sake of moving the plot forward for guys. Nina Purpleton is the one who’s actually left heartbroken, and I think watching a rogue general execute her coworker like that is what makes her truly lose faith in the Federation. She also reveals around this time that she has a romantic history with Gato, and that watching Kou and Gato fight is the most terrible thing in the world for her, because she loves them both.

But of course, they have to fight, and the show makes sure to valorize kamikaze any chance it can get during the major battle sequences. Out of her two boys, Nina ultimately picks Gato, even while watching him orchestrate a colony drop right in front of her. Sometimes you just can’t beat the old flame. I personally loved watching Nina Purpleton pick up a gun and shoot at Kou and run away with Gato only for him to die, and for her to be forced to watch the Earth burn while court-martialed on a Zeon ship. It’s good, bitter stuff for such a complicated and resentful character. That’s why it’s all the more disappointing when Stardust Memory walks that back in its timeskip epilogue.

A year later, Kou is wandering the wastes of North America outside of his new military base. Nina and her mechanic drive up to greet him, mirroring their introduction in the first episode. Nina and Kou have a complicated staredown and then…completely make up, smiling like nothing happened without even a conversation? Roll credits???

Let me make something clear: Nina is a hated character in the larger Gundam fandom, but I think the reason that most people hate her is that weird thing that anime fans have where they treat the main character getting cucked as the literal worst thing in the world. I’ll probe that complex another day, I promise. But honestly, Nina hasn’t acted any more irrationally than the rest of the cast up until this point. Everyone has been making nonsensical moves, and at least she’s been following her heart with hers. But this final scene is so implausible on all levels that it feels like a slap in the face to the viewer’s intelligence and their suspension of disbelief. You can’t come back from what she did!! You shouldn’t have to!! It’s insane that they tried to give these two characters a happy ending!! Just make Nina run off with her butch mechanic or something!!

you two would have been unstoppable as lesbians

The series ends with the formation of the Titans, who go on to brutalize the Earth Sphere in Zeta. Every one of the insufferable Feddies that we’ve had to endure in this series goes on to join the faction where they’ll be blasted to pieces by the AEUG in a few years for their blatant fascism. Thank God. At least Stardust Memory acknowledges that the Titans are borne out of a collaboration between the most corrupt and power-hungry branches of Zeon and the Federation, with Anaheim signing on to make suits for them. Of course everyone here were going to become bad guys, but they still could have had some traits that would make them compelling to follow this whole time!

Anything else I could possibly say about Stardust Memory has already slipped my mind. It’s a surprisingly dull show for what could have easily been a slam dunk. But instead it’s this strange mix of hugely consequential UC lore and minimal impacts, leaving a confused and inconsequential story. There’s also surprisingly little Anaheim office lady drama, especially after the VN I just read. Do not trick yourself.

me after all of this blogging

Honestly, if you want what this show purports to offer, do yourself a favor and watch Macross Plus instead! It’s another 90’s mecha OVA with some of the best mechanical animation ever put to cel. Like Stardust Memory, it centers itself around testing prototype mechas and a messy MMF love triangle, and even though it’s willing to have messy and unlikeable protagonists, it manages to actually craft intrigue with them. Amazing Yoko Kanno soundtrack too. There’s an awful plot twist near the end that throws the whole story into question, but that’s still a better outcome than 13 drawn-out episodes of a bad story in a good setting! Just please, don’t watch Stardust Memory.

[dangermousie]

Let's discuss hormones. Mine.

The way he comes in wiping blood from his hands btw is such a great character moment - small but so telling.

We get the general under Lord Ge complaining...and I lose my mind at how much I love this character arc for Di Lin.

Because he's a doomed character, watching Liu Yuning as Di Lin is the closest we will ever get to seeing Wei Shuo as he was in the novel even if somehow, improbably, Prisoner of Beauty leaves the NRTA jail. Because Di Lin - ruthless as fuck in battle and politics, ambitious, totally whipped for his wife - is very much book WS and no way no how will the censors let the protagonist of a drama who gets a happy ending do what book Wei Shuo or drama Di Lin does (and will do, if they follow the book.)

I mean, the man is executing his soldiers if they don't follow military discipline, killing captured enemies unless they surrender (and sometimes if they surrender too slowly) and if a city refuses to surrender and he takes it, he puts the entire place to the sword. Is this a man I want to chill (in a bath :P) with? Nope. Would I want a kid of mine to join his army? Also nope. Is this something an effective period warlord would do? HELL YEAH!!! Man only had 50K troops and went into insane odds and he's kicking butt extraordinaire.

In fact, he's a genuine sweetheart compared to some of the successful historical warlords in China and elsewhere. (And before the censors starting riding the dramas so hard, you'd see it reflected in dramas more often - see Three Kingdoms 2010, The Advisors' Alliance, The King's War etc.) God, I love that!

He throws this into the older man's face like a challenge but I get the sense that this is what he tells himself every night as justification to himself, so he can sleep at night. There is a certain unhinged desperation in his words and actions.

And then this scene! AAAAA! (Wasting food refers to the old officer smashing a bowl of porridge when he came in.)

The thing is - part of it is intimidation tactic for the man to leave and not to interfere again - but part of it is I think Di Lin is operating from serious trauma response freak out level and - I don't want to say he's not rational because he's obviously smart and capable and doing well in battle - but he's traumatized as fuck.

I mean, look at the scene after the old officer leaves. He's the supreme commander of his force and he kneels and starts trying to scoop up the spilled porridge into the broken shards of the bowl with shaking hands like his life depends on it. This man is not well.

We started the drama by slowly realizing that Xiu's sunny jokester demeanor conceals serious serious trauma and now we are watching Di Lin get traumatized in front of our eyes. And I love that the trigger is war for both but also that they were already under stress already before which probably facilitated that. Xiu had to be in the hell of border privation and battles for 7 years but he went in after losing his adoptive father, being betrayed and being kicked out of his life - so someone with trauma already there got a lot of war trauma on top and came back the way he came back.

And with Di Lin, he's had to be the spy in Lord Yang's camp for the last 7 years which is stressful as fuck and can end in sudden death at any moment and he has to live with everyone except his two bros and his wife thinking he's someone who he is not, at all - so that's already a "congrats on coping" territory and then he goes to war (and it's his first command; I am sure he's fought before but command is a whole different ball of wax) and he's outnumbered and has to actually work for two enemy factions (Lord Yang and Xiu's) even through his battle strategies and so he is now also falling apart.

Going to war is enough trauma for most people on its own and here - ugh. I love that Xiu is incredibly competent and functional and Di Lin is also but that doesn't mean they aren't super super fucked up.

[mysteriouslypalecollective]

I found a really old fanfiction I wrote about the dream SMP more specifically C!Tommy. And I wrote one chapter so here it is

===============================

Found family

This story starts off with a boy named Tommy. He is a blonde boy with curly hair and a white streak. His hair was long and put in two small spiky pigtails in the back. He wore a big comfy blue sewn sweater with a ruined red and white shirt peeking underneath it. He had long baggy tan pants. He had a devil tail peeking beneath his sweater. He had small red horns. His face was covered in scars and on his cheek was a smile.

“ELLLO?” He called out his tone was a bit weak and scared. The voice that answered was not recognized by the young boy. The voice shouted “hello” . It almost sounded like a young adult. The boy was startled and jumped. He then looked at the person "Who are you?” said the blonde boy.

“Hi, my name is Wren. What's your name.”

The person now known as Wren was a young adult presumably female but it was hard to tell they were reasonably tall they had a bandana over their hair and it looks like little goat horns poking out from underneath they had go to ears and hoofs which were nicely paired with a with cargo shorts and a cardigan a yellow cardigan with a black t-shirt underneath.

The blonde haired boy quickly tries to think of a fake name “My name is…Uhh…Umm. My name is…Uhh, Jack.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you Jack,” Wren said with a smile.

Tell me was cautious he has to be cautious he gone through so much already he couldn't risk it after dream killing him bringing him back to life having people portray him in going through wars and going through so much he couldn't risk meeting a stranger in them taking advantage of him he was just so tired and so sick of it and didn't know what to do. He missed his parents but his parents had been nothing but garbage to him ever since he was born. Philza had treated him well but those are now distant. Having to kill his own son was brutal and traumatic for the entire “family”. But now he couldn't go to phil, he couldn't go to anyone they were either dead or were betraying him or had replaced him entirely, he was just alone and he didn't know what to do and he didn't want to open up to a random stranger at least not immediately, he didn't know them yet.

“Are you planning to kill me?” the kid bulleted out

Wren immediately steps back very surprised by the sudden question

“Why on bloody Earth would I do that!” they responded in shock and also slight fear.

“My bad…I have just had some…not so great experiences with people and I am a bit…um…you know.” He shrugs and looks away. “I've been through shit.”

“Are you going to therapy like, at all?” Wren asked, quite worried about this kid's mental health and physical health at that matter.

Tommy nodded, explaining how he goes to Puffy's for therapy whenever she is free. But most of the time he bottles of his emotions and doesn't burden them on anyone else unless they pri.

“I'm glad you're going to therapy but please “Jack” don't bottle up your emotions. It's a stupid way of coping and it doesn't work. It just leads you to a bad mental state where you fall apart, not a fun time.”

Wren does this whole little speech on how bottling up your emotions is bad and you should talk to people you trust and she just they just kind of get into the zone on talking about this mental health issue and Tommy's just there watching it listening and realizing that this person is genuine and probably isn't a piece of shit.

Tommy sighs, takes deep breath in and decides to tell them about all of the not very fun things that he's done and he's had to go through and just tell someone because if someone's going to go throw this trouble until you why you shouldn't follow up your feelings you have to make them regret it by trauma dumping.

“Well…um…you see….”

The boy sighs and mumbles.

“I’m a child soldier.

“Oh honey, “Jack” I'm so sorry”

“No need to apologize…” He says quietly. “The worst has already happened to me…nothing worse can happen…”

“That’s what I tell myself at least…”

“It still means you went to shit that's not good like that's rough and really sorry you had to go through that and are still going through that” Wren looks over at the boy with empathy and compassion, desperately wanting him to have a good childhood and wanting to give him a good life.

He shrugs and smiles awkwardly.

“Well…it’s my life.” He mumbles and sighs.

“Not much I can do about it…I just…it is how it is I guess.”

“Can't you just leave?” Wren asks

He laughs and says. “Where am I going to go? I have no money, no education and no way out of where I am.” He chuckles and shrugs. “You think people would just let an orphan child soldier just get away that easily?”

“You could pick a direction and just keep going, find a nice spot where you have access to fresh water and Good soil and start making a home. I guess I don't know. You just shouldn't need to go through that shit, just leave that to the adults you shouldn't have had to go through that. You shouldn't be going through that when you're a kid it's not okay” Wren tries to convince him to just leave this behind and get a good life free of pain.

“So you want me to make a home alone in the woods? And what? Eat berries?” He laughs nervously and shakes his head. “First of all, I don’t have the survival skills to live off of what I can find around me and second of all, I am still wanted by the army. I was not supposed to get out and they are looking for me.”

Wren looked at the blonde haired boy with so much desperation and love and just wanting him to be okay Wren had barely known the kid and they'd already got an emotional attachment to him.

As Wren stared at Tommy, Tommy stared back. Tommy didn't take Wrens staring as a threatening thing more as a vague interest. Tommy was starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable with the staring thing, he felt like Wren was looking at him and trying to pick apart his trauma and how his brain worked. Almost like a science project that no one bothered to finish.

“Umm are you ok with hugs? It's fine if you're not. I don't want to set off a trigger or anything. I just thought that you might have wanted one.” Wren explained

The boy shrugs. He doesn’t mind not getting hugged.

“I appreciate it anyway…uh…can you promise me one thing?”

“Sure, what do you need me to promise?”

“Can you please not tell anyone where I am?” He is serious and seems to be begging.

“Of course, I'm not going to tell any of the information you tell me to a third party. I know I sound like a government official or something but like I swear I won't tell us all unless you want me to because I don't want to make your life worse.” Wren explained.

The boy smiles. “Thank you.”

Then he seems to be thinking of something.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure what is"jack”?”

“How old are you?” The way Tommy said it was very abrupt and to the point it was not jumping around the topic it was very direct and immediate in the way he said it it was slightly drawing to Wren but they did appreciate the forward nes.

“Oh, umm 20-21 ish. I kind of stopped keeping track a while ago." Wren says this with a smile and a shrug.

“Hmm…” The boy thinks.

Then he asks with a serious tone.

“Did you have a normal childhood?”

“Well damn straight to the important questions it is then my gosh. Not that I mind it just shocking how forward you are. But all in all yeah I would say I had a pretty good childhood compared to yours. Because what you went through is horrible and I'm really sorry.”

“Can you…can you explain what it was like?” He asks. “I don’t understand what a normal childhood is supposed to be like….” Tommy looks sheepishly to the ground trying not to make eye contact and more interested in my feet now because hooves.

“…I can't… I don't it's hard to describe what a good childhood is like it's complicated all childhoods are different and what you may see is good can also it's everything's a mix that and no matter if you have good or bad there will always be ups and downs of the best I guess the best way to have a good childhood is least what my childhood at least I had to parents loved me and it was nice then there was other things that can't control like non-family people and illnesses and there's always things that will make something shity and will endorse trauma or a bad memory at least there's never a perfect child there's better ones but yeah at least kind of want my childhood was like if that made any sense.”

As Wren says this they start to tear up a bit just thinking about all of the shit that the kid in front of me had to go through for his childhood damn he's still in his childhood the things he's going through just broke wren's heart.

The blonde haired boy just nods kind of taking in what Wrens saying and also kind of not his family is chaotic and messy and not necessarily blood and it's just hard to relate for him so he's just kind of sitting there for it standing there trying to take in what he can and understanding what they're saying. He thinks back to Phil and what it was like when they were all together with Wilbur, Phil and techno. It was nice and his eyes but nice it was comfortable not necessarily perfect but comfortable he missed those days he missed when everything was comfortable not necessarily perfect but he didn't always fear for his safety and scared as he could shot in the heart with an arrow or blown up or beaten to death again. he missed those days. Then he thought about mothers. He had never known a mother, at least not a mother who cared about him enough or one that stuck around long enough.

He sighs and smiles and says.

“thank you for the insights….. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure!”

He seems a bit nervous and whispers.

“What’s…um…a normal relationship between a mom and a child is supposed to be like…?”

It's it's kind of like you look up to them and they look up to you and it's kind of this weird sense of loving both ways of and you can get upset at them but they stop and talk you through what's happening and you have each other I am sorry about the bad explanations”

Wren starts to tear up a bit again.

The boy seems a little shocked by their answer and stares down at the ground.

“I never…I never had that. My parents were…not the best to say the least. I probably should be more specific I do mean my birth parents not my family”

The boy sighs and asks. “Do you think my parents loved me…”

Wren was cut off guard by the sudden question. they were more trying to process the thing that they said before about not having great birth parents but then this kid hit them with that bombshell! When the two were shocked to speak for a second just trying to compute all of the information that they had just been given.

“I-i don't know your parents so I can't make a good judgment on their character. all I can say is did you feel loved?”

Tommy shakes his head looking at the ground.

“From the little bit I know about your birth parents I don't think they may have loved you but it didn't show through and so and if you're not in touch anyway you should give them any time of day it's your childhood was shity and I'm sorry that you had to go through tons of trauma and are still going through more things. I'm so sorry because it's shity and you don't deserve that.”

The boy looks down and mumbles.

“Thanks…”

“Do you want a hug?” Wren offered

The boy pauses and then looks up at you.

“Yes…please…if that’s okay.”

Wren open star arms in an embrace with a warm smile on their face.

The boy walks into the hug.

He was shaking a little bit.

“Thank you…”

“You're welcome kid.”

He starts to sob a bit.

“I…I thank you…this is…really comforting…”

“You can stand my arms as long as you need. Can I ask you a question?”

Tommy teary eyed Wren's shoulder muttering something along the lines of “yes” through his tears.

“Is Jack your real name? Or is that just the name that you picked so you wouldn't have to tell me your real one?”

The boy goes silent. After two quiet seconds he says.

“No…Jack is not my real name….”

“Can I know your real name or is that too much?” Wren asked.

The boy looks at them with a bit of fear before quickly shaking his head “No…I…I can’t tell you.”

Wren sighs and then and then says “that's okay I'm here for you.”

His shaking slows and he mumbles.

“Can we not talk about my past anymore?”

Wren just nods not wanting to pry into the child's trauma.

The boy sighs and says.

“Thank you…uh…and thank you for letting me hug you…you are very comforting.”

Wren starts to sway while holding on to him trying to lull him into sleep.

The boy closes his eyes.

In a soft voice he mumbles.

“I like this, I've never had this before not for my parents or anyone really”

Wren just continued to sway, basically rocking him into sleep like a baby. thinking over things whether to say stuff or not eventually they decided to ask something.

“Hey kid, do you want a new parent?”

______________________________________________________________________

Tommy stops. There was a long break after that

[atopvisenyashill]

What if Cersei was born a boy like she wishes?

Caveat that I am well aware I am not the Cersei Understander and also I haven't read her chapters in literal years (but i'm getting there!!! like halfway through a storm of swords!) but-

She would have gotten the training she wanted wrt ruling and would be just as (in)effective as Tywin because she'd be 100% willing to be as brutal, to the detriment of the wellbeing of her family.

I imagine Tyrion has it much worse going up - Cersei can only disrespect him so much as first born daughter, but as the actual first born son? Some of her more sadistic tendencies are likely to be encouraged. Same goes for Jaime - would they get involved if they're both men? Certainly they can't have kids (bc we're going off of a cis swap here) but given the weird psychsexual stuff with Jaime's trauma re: knighthood and Lannisters being "worth more" it's entirely possible that a male Cersei would play into this idea of them being born perfect mirrors of each other, that they're meant to be side by side always, that Jaime is meant to follow and serve as Cersei's right hand his whole life, in a similar way that Daemon acts towards Viserys or how people theorize Aemon and Baelon may have acted around each other. Might not get overtly sexual but as a bisexual Jaime truther it might get very charged.

But...there's just sooo much plot that changes because Cersei being confined to a certain role because of her gender and deciding to deal with it by taking down her entire house and half the continent is pivotal to the story plot. So Tywin has no girl to marry to Rhaegar which means he isn't going to get in his feelings about Aerys rejecting Cersei. He's definitely going to still reject Elia for Cersei though, and Loreza Martell probably still decides to go for Rhaegar anyway. I know the initial marriage proposal between Lysa and Jaime was rejected specifically because of Cersei. If male Cersei marries Lysa that's...certainly a pairing that's going to cause a lot of damage, not to mention affect the war. With Tywin being a Targ loyalist until the end and Hoster very early on joining the rebels, does Hoster hedge his bets a bit more or keep Cersei as a hostage to get Tywin to cooperate with the rebels? Does Cersei herself decide to take charge (given she'd be around Robb's age, so it's not impossible they'd let her lead) and join her wife's side of the war? Does Jaime decide to sabatoge the marriage because "if we can't marry you can't marry anyone then" ?

However, the biggest change is actually Jaime - does he still join the Kingsguard if its his BROTHER he's obsessed with and not his sister? Does KL just go kaboom in this timeline because Jaime isn't there to kill Aerys, because Aerys didn't bother to attempt to steal Tywin's heir through the Kingsguard? Does CERSEI play Jaime's role instead? Because Cersei being the one in the kingsguard would be interesting but I'm just not sure HOW she would get there - it's not going to bring her closer to Jaime, there's no female Targ or Targ descendent for her to marry (because Rhaelle has a son and it's likely Daelle and Rhae both only had sons as well).

One things for sure - Cersei and Tywin would be happier about it but everyone else is gonna suffer big time, haha.

[missweener]

Review- Here's Looking at You Kid

Here's Looking at You Kid- MesserMoon (140k, E)

The only George Weasley/Blaise Zabini fic I've ever read. Beautifully written. Drarry is the side pairing, but the story also unfolds wonderfully. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves Drarry, or just wants to test the waters for something new.

Basically, George is hit hard after losing Fred in the war. Usually in Drarry fics, George gets over it and moves on with his life, gets married, has kids, etc. In this fic, he's haunted by the memories of his twin. Fred is not a ghost, but his presense lingers in the flat that they own together. No one really goes into detail about how George would actually feel after the whole war and dead other half situation.

In a spur of the moment, George accidentally visits a gay Muggle bar and runs into Blaise Zabini and his friends. Blaise tries to hit on him, George finds himself being attracted to him, thus fleeing back home to his and Fred's flat where he spirals into his own self hatred and contempt.

I really liked how the writer went in depth with George's feelings. He's messed up, and it's hard to change that, especially after losing such a big part of himself. The way the writer tackles his trauma is well written, and as a reader, I feel relieved how George addresses his feelings and thoughts to resolve his trauma.

In addition, Blaise's story is magnetic. He's ftm trans and I really enjoyed reading about his backstory. Especially about Theodore Nott. I find it funny how they always make Theo the bi, possibly gay, character who's also a homophobe due to self projection. I digress. The way their relationship is built is interesting, but the way it fell apart is as well. It tugs at your heartstrings and makes you wish you could help Blaise strangle Theo with your bare hands.

On the other hand, the Drarry is also great in this story despite being the side pairing. It's emotional and unique, which makes it stand out. Though I did find Harry and Draco's get together kind of underdeveloped. (But mind you, its been a while since I read this...)

The writer did a fantastic job with the characterisation. I found the characters believable and interesting, even Theo, who was an utter asshat through the entire story.

I don't have much to complain about this fic. It's exciting, domestic, despairing and emotional. Brilliant work from the writer. A well deserved 10/10. It's a fic I would want to forget so I can read it all again.

Thanks for reading!

[blazingblorbos]

Okay Genshin 4.1 thoughts dump because if I don't compile my thoughts somewhere I will literally implode. Anyways, spoilers for the Fontaine Archon Quest so far (as of Chapter 4, the Version 4.1 update) under the Read More (a couple paragraphs under, but you catch my drift)

So. Something I have always absolutely adored about Genshin's storytelling is the way it goes about presenting its gods as "Human too"...

At first, it was seen painfully obvious through Ei and her incredibly human response to grief and trauma (a lot of people thought she was being unreasonable, and yeah for a ruler of an entire nation, closing yourself off to the outside world certainly seems - and is - irresponsible. And then... you consider how easily any other normal person would have done the same thing, if not worse, if they had lost nearly everyone they loved in quick succession, while also being personally responsible for a handful of those deaths).

And upon further reflection on the topic, you can see blatant traces of it present in every archon. And I don't just mean their trying to blend into/ further their understanding of humans, human society, and human nature.

I mean, Venti is kinda hedonistic and aloof; Zhongli wasn't always as wise and so intricately-versed in his knowledge about so many things - before the Archon War, he was more of a brute who preferred to solve things head-on (literally) as opposed to thinking things through; Nahida- oh don't even get me started on Nahida. Her self-doubt and insecurity as a result of facing constant beratement and feelings of inferiority to Rukkhadevata; her constant desire to learn more (both for her namesake as the God of Wisdom, to prove herself, and for her own curiosity's sake); her child-like nature (as a result of her research and human observation ofc!!! but still adorable none-the-less; I mean "dook-dook" !?! come on!)...

But now with Furina, oh. I think we've entered a BRAND NEW level and it's part of the reason why I absolutely love her so much.

In classic good-story-telling practice, Genshin achieves all of this through "show-not-tell" and it's world-class ability of characterizing its characters (IN MY OPINION ! I love them so much, okay?). And from the second I MET this girl to the very last line of 4.1's archon quest, it has been made painfully abundant to me that

Furina is just a child.

She has. NO IDEA what she's doing!!! Now, the underlying reasons for this have yet to be seen, and will most likely be tackled in the very next Archon Quest chapter, but if you'll allow me to speculate right now... Knowing that Egeria also conducted trials for citizens who broke the law (meaning she should have also been a God of Justice), I believe whole-heartedly that it was her who built the entire system Furina and Neuvillette are running right now. Meaning, I'm confident Furina has absolutely nothing to do with it. The ONLY (and I think I truly mean ONLY) thing Furina did in the time since she inherited the role was: change the perception of what justice and its deliverance should be into something a lot more akin to a dramatic play, only enacted for people's enjoyment.

Which includes her lack of knowledge on the Oratrice. Furina didn't create it. How could she? She's so utterly ignorant on what it is, how it works, and dare I say what it's truly even for.

The moment I read this statement I convinced myself that it had to have been the previous Hydro Archon. And while I concede that: looking back on the wording of this statement now, it seems like its existence would only be beneficial under someone like Furina's ruling… But, I'm willing to just chalk that up to "Egeria had great future-sight" (or something more along the lines of: she trusted the machine to help keep her in check so false charges were less likely; and it just so happens that its decision making is carrying the court system now under Furina’s rule).

Like many things related to Fontaine's history, it would seem, Egeria being solely responsible for the creation of all these staple facilities and aspects of the nation's inner workings would shed light on why Furina is so unknowing. She had nothing to do with it. And while I'm no envoy from Celestia, so I have no insight as to what the hell happens when a new Archon is born to fill in the void that was left, I think that whatever that process is (IF THERE EVEN IS ONE) went completely awry for Furina. She probably didn't even inherit the Gnosis - ever ! I'm thinking it's stuffed into the Oratrice somehow/somewhere. I'm thinking the "curse" Arlecchino sensed has something to do with that process of inheritance (or... lack thereof) going so wrong.

It’s obvious that Furina is running from something. Ignoring something. Distracting herself from the realities of the world with the “spectacle of the courtroom” (as Dain put it). And it’d be easy to just chalk it up to her being a little bitch with no deeper meaning but I don’t think that’s it.

Genshin doesn’t make it gods “just human”. They spend their time trying to prove that they’re “Human too”.

The underlying reasons for it have to lie in whatever happened when Furina was born. Cursed. Whether it was a curse to end up alone (as per the prophecy), or to never obtain the powers becoming of a god in this world... Whatever happened, it overwhelmed Furina to an unbearable degree, and naturally, like any Human would... she resorted to escapism. She found entertainment in the trials headed at the court room, realized she could make people like her by being this mascot of justice, and upon learning that it's only a matter of time before all of her subjects turn into puddles and she'll be left all alone… she decided to just- NOT think about it!! Who would?! That is a horrifying! revelation.

THAT is why she's so scared to fight - literally anyone!! She doesn’t have the power (and if she does she’s never had to use it).

THAT is why she’s turned out this way - a brat with very little humility, never knowing when to stop the act - because for centuries she’s lived in this little Lala-Land of a bubble denying the inevitable. A fate she was cursed with from the moment she inherited the title of “God”. She wasn’t really given powers, she wasn’t given dominion, and she most certainly hasn’t received instruction, or… ANY!?! HELP!! it seems, in understanding what it means to be an Archon (perhaps even in spite of those other perks she was “supposed” to receive.)

Born to be a god, yet being set up to suffer the loss of your entire people with almost no power to change it? That would fuck anyone up, even an Archon.

And it’s the way that they’ve shown how it’s fucked with Furina that blows my mind.

She’s so disconnected that Arle’s assassination attempt shocked her to her core. She’s a GOD!! Who would try to assassinate her (aside from the Fatui)!? She’s never had to even perceive the notion of being a target of something like that. Stack that on top of her general sense of helplessness in the greater context of what’s happening to her nation, and it makes sense that she broke down crying later that night... :(

Girlie just needs some help </3

[bookofmirth]

At the beginning of acotar, the sisters’ relationship was well established. Feyre wasn’t coming home shocked to find Nesta a changed person, so it’s reasonable to assume that her behavior had been going on for long enough that Feyre knew exactly what to expect. It wasn’t a vendetta against feyre specifically, or anyone specifically. It’s how Nesta handled her feelings, which takes me back to my point that Nesta needed to look inward for healing, not point fingers at other people.

I addressed my comment about atoning in another ask but to clarify further - Nesta has done important, useful, helpful things when the shit hit the fan. There is no disputing that. Just to reiterate, in my opinion, the important thing moving forward is that she doesnt resort to pushing people away again (when we know she doesn’t actually want to do that!)

I don’t understand why people keep saying Nesta is 24. Or calling her a girl. That’s a whole ass adult where I come from. Nesta was around 22-23 when the series started. A lot of these issues began much earlier, when she was a teenager, but… she’s still an adult. I don’t think it does her much credit to infantilize her character in order to excuse her behavior. She can vote, and drink, and rent a car in the US. She could be married for a few years, be a parent a couple times over. (You didn’t call her a girl anon, obviously, I’m just commenting on things I’ve seen in the fandom.)

Re: Elain, that’s the difference I was referring to before. Elain doesn’t look to intentionally hurt people with her words or actions, so I wouldn’t talk about her journey in the same way I would Nesta’s. Elain has some accounting to do, which imo she is. She apologized to Feyre already and acknowledged that they should have done more to help her. Your ask actually made me wonder if that’s why she’s doing what she currently does - cooking and serving food at her home, rather than relying on servants to do it. Helping other people rebuild their gardens after the war. Either way, Elain’s story is not going to be about reconciling with how she has behaved towards other people in the way that Nesta’s was. That’s not to say she’s been perfect, but she didn’t go about trying to hurt people. Her journey is different.

Same anon from before!

I brought up Nesta's age because the way you worded "lifetime of cruelty" made it appear that Nesta hopped out of the womb ready to make people's lives difficult. I just disagreed with the argument that Nesta has led this crusade of cruelty her entire life. And pointed out her age to signify just how short her life has been.

Also, I don't think it's fair to compare a 24-year old in ACOTAR with a 24-year old raised in 2023 USA. Besides not having voting systems, Nesta was raised very differently due to the time period ACOTAR is in. Though she is 100% an adult, she is also a product of her circumstances and environment. It isn't an excuse, but rather an understanding.

I place a lot of the blame on Nesta's mom for the distance between Feyre and Nesta. Since Nesta wasn't receiving any love from her father (who was even written to be afraid of her), it's natural that she gravitated towards her mom and wanted to please her. For reasons, SJM hasn't explained yet, Feyre's mom hated Feyre and Nesta probably distanced herself from her sister so she doesn't get lumped in. Elain was probably the only "safe" sister.

Such ingrained behaviour isn't something that goes away overnight, but I think Nesta had always loved Feyre, she just wasn't used to showing it both out of fear if her mom found out and because of the distance that had already grown so large between them.

Nesta 100% moves through her world with her guards up, and it's a safety mechanism borne from her traumas and environment. But I don't think she resorts to cruelty as a first measure. Like Azriel said, he never picks a fight with her because she treats him the same as others. In that she "unflinchingly assesses" everyone she meets. For threats, weaknesses, strengths, e.t.c.

But considering how easy she befriended Amren, Gwyn, and Emerie, I think her way of interacting is largely attributed to whatever she gleans from people in her assessments. And how she communicates is receptive to those that can handle it. I remember Gwyn being delighted at Nesta saying something along the lines of "oh, your good".

Overall, I'm glad she's healing and making new bonds with people.

As for Elain, I can't remember where in the books she apologizes to Feyre? Unless you mean that she does so by her actions? I'm interested at how SJM plans on writing the dynamic between Elain and Nesta. I liked what you said in your other post, about how Elain has always put Nesta in a position to fight while she retreats to the background. I wonder if that would get fleshed out more.

Hello again!

(To clarify for everyone else, the first part of this up to "her journey is different" is my words that anon is responding to.)

I think if we were to try to compare cultures and technologies and society and such between our world and Prythian, it wouldn't come out in favor of Nesta being young/not mature. The world building in acotar is meh at best, but given the fact that they have arranged marriages and lords and such, if we were to try to put a timeline on entering adulthood in that world, it would be earlier than our own. That's impossible to quantify imo, mainly because the worldbuilding isn't really clear, I just wanted to point that out. Nesta is absolutely an adult, and she has been an adult since acotar began. She was engaged to be married in acotar, when she was 22(ish). But either way, saying she's young doesn't matter to me because age has no bearing on extending people basic respect and courtesy.

I think you have a point about Nesta and her mom! In acosf Nesta thinks every now and then about the things that her mom said to her, and things she said about Feyre and Elain. It seems like she wanted to shape them all into certain types of people who would further their ambitions as a family, and never took into account who any of the sisters are. They were all treated with the same sort of pragmatic eye, considering how they were useful, rather than what would make them happy. And by all accounts, their father was too busy making (and losing) fortunes to do anything about it, if he noticed. I assume we will hear more about her when it comes time for Elain's story, and I think that will be included in Nesta and Elain's reconciliation.

And how she communicates is receptive to those that can handle it.

I get what you're saying here because Gwyn, Emerie, and Amren definitely approach Nesta differently than some other characters. I don't think there is anything wrong with people saying "no thanks" when encountering her behavior, though. Perhaps that's not something we need to disagree about! Because perhaps Nesta is just not meant for everyone. She notes that she doesn't have the easy way of socializing with and smiling at people as Mor (I can't remember the exact quote) and I think there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it makes a lot of sense to say that one way of being is more or less right (when comparing the way that Nesta and Mor interact with other characters) when it's just part of who they are.

Re: Elain, I can't remember if she said the word sorry, but I know that she says that she and Nesta should have done more when they were at the cabin. I do think that her actions are a reflection of that as well. She's a high lady's sister, she could sit on her ass all day the way she used to, but she's not. She's out helping people and doing housework that she never would have done in acotar.

My hot take about Elain is that while she is genuinely kind, sometimes that kindness is a shield to keep people from looking too close or asking too much of her, and now it's biting her in the ass because no one is looking or allowing her to do much of anything.

[neomedievalist]

as someone who hasnt experienced fate route yet it is really astonishing just how similar shirou and saber are. this is just going to be a general post of my thoughts so far with just random comments not really a thesis or anything, i have many thoughts of running themes to analyze that i want to do justice once ive finished the whole thing, so look forward to that.

ive said before the interpersonal conflict in fate is one of my favourite things about it. it is so incredibly realistic and emotionally moving every time even when its insignificant. every time characters argue you see where theyre coming from and what made them think that way and how theyre projecting and assuming things about the other. every single time anyone in fate says anything they are saying that because of 10 years of built up regrets and trauma and projection and avoidance and assumptions and it just leads to the biggest interpersonal mess in existence and i love it. one thing that is excruciatingly clear in fate route is shirou's hypocrisy. from his forced sexism (i'll probably make a whole post analysing this, which is probably really funny to someone who doesnt know fate, but i genuinely find it fascinating) to his whole ordeal of trying to protect saber. no one can have a satsifying argument with shirou because they refuse to believe he truly is that fucked up inside, and he never accepts what they say because he doesn't think he's capable of change. on the other hand, saber is in a similar position. i'm so glad i finished watching zero before this because WOW. you can see kiritsugu in her every action and how she overlays the image of him over shirou in every instance and is both pleasantly surprised and deeply disturbed with what he became...

saber saying this trying to make sense of his actions psychologically but also push the spectre of kiritsugu on him but also projecting her own regrets about the way the 4th grail war ended but also her own desire to see that never repeated again because of HER guilt over HER actions and her frustration at kiritsugu and not being able to tell him about it and then shirou in response hits us with THIS WHAMMY

and naturally. saber does not know how to react to that.

no one likes to hear "you are irreparably fucked up!" the thing is is that the wording really. i couldnt help but be reminded of

i find this so fascinating. the two characters who've done the deepest digs at shirou's character and saw through him the most were the ones that knew kiritsugu personally. not only that, but the ones that were directly present at the grail fire that shapes his entire being.

this bit was so fascinating to me. of course this gets resolved with the threesome, lol, but shirous conflict over having saber kill someone is so. this is the first time you can really see him disregard kiritsugu's utilitarianism. he doesnt even consider it or weigh the lives, its literally not an equation that goes off in his brain. he does not work like that but hes still forcing himself to fit in a mold that was not made for him. it goes without saying that kiritsugu would not have hesitated to make saber kill someone to restore her mana, as she is just a tool to be used first of all, and a tool must be in top working order, but also all deaths are insignificant when weighed against the lives saved by him winning the grail. saber KNOWS this and she is CONSTANTLY thinking about this while weighing shirous motives

weigh that against this. he says similar things all the way through the story but this one is astonishingly blatant. he is still weighing the cost of lives in his head but the scales are always tipped to make himself insignificant as if that would mean atoning somehow or making things right. ill get into this much later when i end up finishing reading ubw lol i have so fucking much to say about his self sacrificial tendencies and how he views himself and his body and the disconnect...

anyway this is just a fraction of what i read today ill make an effort to post more of my thoughts and im sure ill have plenty more once ubw starts

[itsaliveblog]

Masters of the Air

Okay watching it again to process and I have solidified some feelings. this show is a disaster lol

I should be happier! They made a show about MY PLANE. The B-17 is The Plane of All Time period! But this is somehow worse than not making the show at all because now they're not gonna make another one!! I've been robbed of an HBO miniseries with actual story and characters!!

The number one problem is that they didn't know what the story was. They started with Crosby's memoir and then randomly tacked things on to cover for stuff outside the scope of his experience, but they did it so clumsily that they shouldn't have bothered. Either make it the Crosby story, or use it to make an entirely new story, not this awful homunculus.

I understand that telling the story of the B-17 is tough. It's not a single unit traveling through europe linearly (BoB) or a treatise on the chaos of the war in Iraq (GK), or even the psychological trauma of the war in the pacific (the...pacific).

It's inherently nonlinear. The characters change because the planes, units, and stories change too often. It was a meat grinder and making it through the whole thing isn't the real story. So you gotta pick some other structure. What's the throughline? The goddamn planes. (I say this with full awareness of flying fortress simp number 1 but I mean come on what else is there.)

So what's the story of the plane?

The massive war effort to make them

The training of children to fly them

The insanity of flying missions over and over

Their incredible ability to limp home.

That framework gives us excellent inroads for the characters you'd want, too. Crosby is cute, but obviously you wanted some underwear model pilots, fine. Stop pretending like Crosby is narrating. You didn't make it his story. You want to include women and the Tuskegee airmen? Good! We can do that, and we can do it without turning them into tokenized afterthoughts!! I promise!!

Now you're reading this and going, well, technically didn't they sorta do most of that? And to that I say, I'm sorry, do not kid yourself. I like playing with dolls as much as the next fangirl, and MotA gave us some very nice dolls, but the story was nonexistant. I didn't know Crosby was the narrator until halfway through the second episode because he was introduced as some rando in the corner right before fifteen other dudes!!!

So here's what we do:

Episode 1: Okay yeah, we'll make it showy. Coming into Greenland was beautiful, but I vote we just jump into a campaign. Start knowing just one crew, then do some radio chatter—everyone's gotta have some kind of distinct feature to tell them apart because they're all white guys in masks and hats okay!? Then one crew is endangered and we learn more about them as they try to limp home. A solid run with a good hit, then just enough of a fuckup to land with "holy shit war is hell." Emphasis on flying fortress. Lots of injured dudes, but the plane makes it back.

Episode 2: We go back to the beginning. Pilot training. The basics of what makes the fortress great: intersecting fields of fire. They rely on the understanding of this principle without ever really explaining it. There are six guns on these things: two waist gunners, tail gunner, top gunner, nose gunner, and ball turret. And they can cover a whole squadron if and only if they form up correctly. So you need to understand that the formation isn't just to look parade pretty, it's vital. You need to know that leaving a fort behind not only fucks that fort, it also fucks the rest of you. And having whole elements not show up is a megaton caliber fuckup.

Which flows naturally into: These things have ten guys in the plane—the aforementioned 6 gunner positions, two pilots, bombadier, and. That's a LOT of dudes. Every time a plane goes down you gotta know that viscerally.

So you pick up where ep. 1 ends, with the Buckies crews coming in already haggard vets, and Rosie's crew meeting up with them (introing Rosie in ep 4 is criminal). Establish a limited set of characters early, reinforce them, stick with them.

Episode 3: We're gonna tie in the letters theme more tightly overall, and here's a good way to pad Croz's memoir: This episode starts with an explanation of the signatures inside the planes put there by the ATA/WAC gals who ferried them across the atlantic. We're gonna have an airman's sister back home who builds planes. We're gonna have WASP and donut dollies and nurses hanging out talking to each other and they're not going to be tokenized! Literally Helen was just there for a blip to be a sad lady! Boo! Obviously at least one implied lesbian. One of my fav scenes is all the gals in the fields near the air base. Like, yeah! Women were there doing shit! Can we talk about this??

Episode 4: Some of the middle stuff can stay, big missions, bad missions, but we intro the fighters here. Ideally P-44 or something, and then whip out the P-51 like damn dude, hell yeah. Also obviously Tuskegee guys go here. But you gotta let them be in the context of the other fighters imo. When they show up they don't get the respect they deserve because A) they're not connected to the crews we met so we care less, and B) we have never seen fighters before them, and only see it a bit even then, and not protecting bombers. so. Anyway, cut the episodes down to 8 (or fewer!) and use the budget here.

Episodes 5-7: Fill in the middle stuff here, but now we have more connection to Rosie, and the tuskegee guys. There's more trauma built up to the flak house scenes. By the way, flak house episode is a great time to showcase the ground crew more thoroughly. Then, I'm sorry we gotta keep the stalag tight. Cutting back and forth is too much. You get two episodes in the stalag, first episode is only the back half or third of another story, then a full episode. Imo cut in D-Day here so it's less of a bummer. And obvs you gotta put in more dday lol. Frame it in letters again, I get that it's expensive, but as with the fighters, trim the fat and spend some money here. It's Dday for godsake.

Episode 8: It ain't over yet. The human cost goes here. The blitz, the concentration camps, the food drops. War is hell, even when it's over. Imo 9 is an awkward episode because it spends so long on the action and so long on the epilogue that the epilogue feels eternal. Like if the episode was the epilogue, that'd work, at least for me. Anyway, hammer home the idea that they're dropping life instead of bombs. Maybe more air travel for the wounded now that they are the masters of the air, like, the reward for all the suffering. Plus you gotta show a fucking wedding, come on lol.

Obviously it's more than the above, and should be interwoven, but if we at least have a singular focus for each episode (I mean obviously the tightest BoB episode is Roe in Bastogne), then characters will feel less like afterthoughts.

[kncrowder88]

I'm not the biggest Marauders fan - specifically fanon Marauders at this point. And largely it's due to the arguments of they matured or even the purifying of them that turns me against them. Or even the arguments against Snapes healing that gets me. For these reasons.

Even if we go with the tiny bit of clues we get towards his life within Hogwarts showing a support system .... we actually have no set proof. Yes, he seems close to McGonagall and Dumbledore. Yes, he trust Filch enough to bandage a wound. But we don't truly know his actual level of trust with the entire staff .... especially given the way that despite nearly 20 years on the staff with them they all rather easily fell for the "oh he was actually on Voldemorts side and evil, how horrible we trusted him this whole time" (no seriously it took like less than what 30 minutes? The moment Hagrid shared his little "I heard him arguing with Dumbledore in the woods" story .... maybe a bit longer for some - it's clear McGonagall and Lupin didn't really want to believe - but it still happened easily). This is a man who spent his life in the space his trauma occurred (year round). That does impact as well. Even if he was getting treatment that makes it hard to really handle - also St. Mungos shows use that the healers don't really have a actual mental health ward (we can HC it all we want but the magical world doesn't seem to acknowledge it yet from what we get with canon).

As well, as to the Marauders maturing...... James was young when he died. He was 21, and the brain doesn't stop developing and maturing until the mid to late 20s. So, technically, neither he nor Lily had actually had fully developed and matured brains. This is actually part of why Sirius also is not fully 100% mentally sound when he escapes Azkaban. He goes in at 22, meaning his brain is also not yet fully developed and would be hindered in the process by the dementors - and constantly going into animagus form. That is an early adulthood trauma, which impacts brain development and would require .... you guessed it healing.

Remus .... well he has trauma as well and no healing, however he does grow up. And what we see is a man who constantly finds excuses for things .... part of this is, if you haven't guessed .... the adults and support system he had around him constantly did that. A system he never found it in him to challenge - he himself admits to a lack of bravery in that - and he himself fears his own condition to the point of creating excuses for running away from responsibilities. Remus also needed healing.

Peter, at 21/22, also ended up going into a life of living as an animagus. This ultimately would have impacted him as well. And we see what his friend group - they were not entirely supportive of him please go back and look at the way they mocked him - resulted in with his lack of confidence and need to attach to power figures. Sadly, the novels don't actually show the impact of spending 13 years as a rat (well 14 given he went back to being one) for Peter).

None of them matured. None of them really got the chance to mature. And arguing at they did diminishes what they went through. That entire era is about what war does to people. The time between should have been a time of healing but the world they live in (much like ours can) ignores medical issues (nearly every country could get into the various medical discussions for disability and Veteran treatment in some way - the US alone could have an entire seminar given on the military and it's veterans in this regard). Disregarding the impact of the war on the magical society and claiming characters "matured" as if they aren't traumatized and suffered so bad they actually didn't get to mature in a healthy manner nor have access to the means to do so is diminishing to what is going on.

This isn't to say that someone doesn't go through trauma and mature. We fully developed and everything while going through trauma. That is my point. Severus matured, he is a full grown 30+ main in the books. His brain is fully developed and matured by the time we are introduced to him. Claiming he didn't "mature" is some BS .... we he hasn't done is PROCESS AND HEAL FROM THE TRAUMA SO THAT HIS BRAIN CAN RECOVER AND REWIRE ITSELF FROM THE DAMAGE IT RECIEVED DURING ITS FIRST 21/22 ODD YEARS OF DEVELOPING

The two primary characters of concern in this list btw are Severus Snape and Remus Lupin. From the age of 5 and up to mid 20s, Remus is dealing with being a werewolf and that trauma. From the age of ... well potentially birth and to 21/22 (we can hope the trauma stopped at the fall of Voldemort) he's dealing with a variety of traumas. And before anyone pulls a Sirius had stuff too .... while the portrait of his mother does holler at him and we know he ran away at 16, we don't ever actually get told what Black family home life as a kid was like. That's all HC and fanon (we can presume and guess but we all will have different takes on it but it is at least clear his views are somewhat different than his families).

TLDR: Can we stop arguing over which characters matured given that physically they all reach wizarding adulthood and the brain doesn't even fully develope till mid-20s anyways meaning technically only 3 out of the 4 Marauders made it past that point as did Snape, and half the time no one brings into consideration the damage done to the brain prior to that point except like 99% of the Snape fandom and maybe like 60% of the Marauders fandom (that I see).

It doesn’t matter if the Marauders Matured.

It doesn’t matter. Sure, they could’ve matured and grown up- which they didn’t and go about their lives as if everything was fine. Because they’re the perpetrators; they’re the bullies/abusers. They weren’t affected by the trauma they inflicted on Snape.

Snape can’t just “get over it”. It’s TRAUMATIC. TRAUMA. You don’t just get over trauma. You can’t. There isn’t “getting over it” there’s “getting help to manage the symptoms of what the trauma inflicted upon you and making it a bit easier to live your life like normal” trauma has a lasting effect on people. It takes years to recover and heal. To come to terms with what happened. This is also not done on one’s own. It’s done with support from loved ones, trusted friends and medical/mental professionals like therapists, etc. Which Snape was never able to get because he didn’t have that kind of support system.

So no. It doesn’t matter if the Marauders matured (even though they never did) their actions still had a deep impact on Snape’s life that effect it even years after it happened. It is ingrained in his mind and no matter how hard he tries to hide his emotions and pain it’s still there and it will always still be there. With help it can be easier to manage- but he never is able to get that.

[azems-familiar]

I am This Close to watching the untamed

So if you want to perhaps yell about it or something (since you’ve gotten me into stuff that way before) that could be cool idk

OH MY GOD PLEASE WATCH IT

okay to start with. the live action show is very good and a great place to start but it has some important differences from the novel and the donghua (animated show). i personally prefer a combination of cql (the untamed/the live action, that's the acronym i'll be using for it from now on) and the donghua; the novel suffers a lot of lost in translation effect and whatnot and i personally dislike the way the relationship is built in several places in it as opposed to how the adaptations do it, but it's definitely still worth reading. (dm me on discord if you want a copy of a pretty good fan translation of the novel and also like, a link to a place you can watch the donghua, btw.) other problems with cql: censorship hits the live action the hardest and their budget was i'm pretty sure basically nonexistent (they very clearly spent most of it on the costumes and the props, which you know what, the costumes are fucking stunning so great choice). so they changed the worldbuilding some and like.... the fight scenes? are really not good. they're really not good. also the special effects are universally pretty bad. it can make watching some parts of it difficult to get through, and there are some plot elements that are changed as well that i dislike, and a lot of the moral greyness of the original story had to get removed because again, censorship issues (if you want the most accurate, non-morally-whitewashed take first, you'll want to start with the novel, which is also what has the explicitly gay stuff). it's also not explicitly gay - but the actors played it as gay and there are multiple marriage metaphors and holy fuck like. honestly. there doesn't need to be a kiss or a confession or anything it's REALLY FUCKING GAY.

what cql excels in is its character interactions. the acting is absolutely stunning, the soundtrack is beautiful, and every single scene is just done with so much heart and emotion in it. so definitely keep that in mind going into it. i've watched it all the way through i think 3 or 4 times and i still keep seeing new fun details in the background that i hadn't noticed before.

the donghua, on the other hand, has an absolutely stunning art style, very very good voice acting, the worldbuilding and plot are more accurate to the book, and the magic and combat scenes are much more realistic for a fantasy and the powers they have. however, it, especially specifically the third and final season, is very rushed (and it has its own plot changes to fit how much they had to condense things, mostly just in the second half of season 3) and excludes some details, so it can be confusing if you don't know what you're seeing first. i recommend either watching cql or reading the novel first, then watching the donghua!

in terms of like, actual fandom stuff! so the main character of mdzs is, obviously, Wei Wuxian. i'm not sure how much you know but he's like. an incredibly ADHD man with horrible self-worth issues (despite being arrogant as hell) and a very strong sense of justice who is extremely brilliant and goes through a shitton of tragedy. he is known for inventing a viable form of necromancy, which is considered incredibly heretical and, among other things, gets him killed, and then gets him resurrected, so you know. pros and cons. he does magic by playing the flute. he is a disaster bisexual and also a bit of an alcoholic (okay a lot of an alcoholic) and i love him. his love interest is stoic and serious and incredibly autistic-coded and has been in love with him since they were teenagers and literally wrote him a love song. the two of them get trapped in a cave together and have to kill an ancient corrupted divine monster without weapons. it's very romantic. wei wuxian as a younger teenager is basically the epitome of a child pulling a girl's pigtails because he has a crush and is desperate for attention.

anyway, i'm not sure how much you know about the plot, but there's two timelines going on - the present and the past. the present is after wei wuxian is resurrected, and he and lan wangji (the love interest, in case you haven't picked up on the names yet - everyone has like two or three names and it can be hard to tell them apart at first) are basically going on a fun little murder mystery quest while also babysitting a bunch of teenagers which then abruptly devolves into politics, murder, more politics, and more murder. the past on the other hand goes from a high school definitely-not-a-romance to a goddamn war drama to politics and back to. hm. not exactly a war drama anymore but i'm really not sure how to describe everything that happens after a certain event. it's all very much a tragedy and the real "villain" of the story (which is less obvious in cql, again because of moral whitewashing due to censorship, though honestly i feel like they did a pretty good job of staying as true to the source material as they could all things considered, a whole lot of the scenes were word for word from the novel just slightly edited to fit the adjusted worldbuilding or plot changes) is the mob mentality, rumors and gossip and hearsay, and society itself!

lastly, because i am trying not to overwhelm you here, i am going to link you a couple great amvs i've found on youtube that will probably not make a lot of sense without context but will at least hopefully intrigue you?

and

and

the other one i really want to link i cannot because it definitely will make absolutely no sense without having watched the show and so you have to come talk to me when you've finished it so i can give it to you. also hey please feel free to come dm me on discord i Will ramble at length about this. especially about wwx he is my BLORBO and currently taking up residence in my brain. and also i need your live reactions if/when you start watching things oh my god

be glad it's almost 2 am and i'm still recovering from my covid booster or this would be even longer

[andromeda3116]

So let's talk about the Lost Generation.

This is the generation that came of age during WWI and the 1918 flu pandemic. They witnessed their world collapse in the first war that spread around the globe, and they -- in retrospect, optimistically -- called it the "war to end all wars". And that war was a quagmire. The trenches on the Western Front were notoriously awful, unsanitary and cold and wet and teeming with sickness, and bloody battles were fought to gain or lose a few feet of territory, and all because a series of alliances caused one assassination in one unstable area to spiral into a brutal large-scale war fought on the ground by people who mostly had no personal stake in the outcomes and gained nothing from winning.

On some of the worst-hit battlefields, the land is still too toxic for plant growth.

And on the heels of this horrific war, a pandemic struck. It's often referred to as "the Spanish flu" because Spain was neutral in the war, and so was the first country to admit that their people were dropping like flies. By the time the warring countries were willing to face the disease, it was far too late to contain it.

Anywhere from 50 to 100 million people worldwide would die from it. 675,000 were in the US.

But once it was finally contained -- anywhere from a year to a year and a half later -- the 20s had begun, and they began roaring.

Hedonism abounded. Alcohol flowed like water in spite of Prohibition. Music and dance and art fluorished. It was the age of Dadaism, an artistic movement of surrealism, absurdism, and abstraction. Women's skirts rose and haircuts shortened in a flamboyant rejection of the social norms of the previous decades. It was a time of glitter and glamour and jazz and flash, and (save for the art that was made) it was mostly skin deep.

Everyone stumbled out of the war and pandemic desperate to forget the horrific things they'd seen and done and all that they'd lost, and lost for nothing.

Reality seemed so pointless. It's not a coincidence that the two codifiers of the fantasy genre -- J.R.R. Tolkein and C.S. Lewis -- both fought in WWI. In fact, they were school friends before the war, and were the only two of their group to return home. Tolkein wanted to rewrite the history of Europe, while Lewis wanted to rebuild faith in the escape from the world.

(There's a reason Frodo goes into the West: physically, he returned to the Shire, but mentally, he never came back from Mordor, and he couldn't live his whole life there. There's a reason three of the Pevensies can never let go of Narnia: in Narnia, unlike reality, the things they did and fought for and believed in actually mattered, were actually worth the price they paid.)

It's also no coincidence that many of the famous artists of the time either killed themselves outright or let their vices do them in. The 20s roared both in spite of and because of the despair of the Lost Generation.

It was also the era of the Harlem Renaissance, which came to the feelings of alienation and disillusionment from a different direction: there was a large migration of Black people from the South, many of whom moved to the Harlem neighborhood of New York City. Obviously, the sense of alienation wasn't new to Black people in America, but the cultural shift allowed for them to publicly express it in the arts and literature in ways that hadn't been open to them before.

There was also horrific -- and state-sanctioned -- violence perpetrated against Black communities in this time, furthering the anger and despair and sense that society had not only failed them but had never even given them a chance. The term at the time was shell-shock, but now we know it as PTSD, and the vast majority of the people who came of age between 1910 and 1920 suffered from it, from one source or another.

It was an entire generation of trauma, and then the stock market crashed in 1929. Helpless, angry, impotent in the face of all that had seemingly destroyed the world for them, on the verge of utter despair, it was also a generation vulnerable to despotism. In the wake of all this chaos -- god, please, someone just take control of all this mess and set it right.

Sometimes the person who took over was decent and played by the rules and at least attempted to do the right thing. Other times, they were self-serving and hateful and committed to subjugating anyone who didn't fit their mold.

There are a lot of parallels to now, but we have something they didn't, and that's the fact that they did it first.

We know what their mistakes and sins were. We have the gift of history to see the whole picture and what worked and what failed. We as a species have walked this road before, and we weren't any happier or stronger or smarter about it the first time.

I think I want to reiterate that point: the Lost Generation were no stronger or weaker than Millennials and Gen Z are today. Plenty of both have risen up and fought back, and plenty have stumbled and been crushed under the weight. Plenty have been horribly abused by the people who were supposed to lead them, and plenty have done the abusing. Plenty of great art has been made by both, and plenty of it is escapist fantasy or scathing criticism or inspiring optimism or despairing pessimism.

We find humor in much the same things, because when reality is a mess, both the absurd and the self-deprecating become hilarious in comparison. There's a reason modern audiences don't find Seinfeld as funny as Gen X does, and many older audiences find modern comedy impenetrable and baffling -- they're different kinds of humor from different realities.

I think my point accumulates into this: in spite of how awful and hopeless and pointless everything feels, we do have a guide. We've been through this before, as a culture, and even though all of them are gone now, we have their words and art and memory to help us. We know now what they didn't then: there is a future.

The path forward is a hard one, and the only thing that makes it easier is human connection. Art -- in the most base sense, anything that is an expression of emotion and thought into a medium that allows it to be shared -- is the best and most enduring vehicle for that connection, to reach not just loved ones but people a thousand miles or a hundred years away.

So don't bottle it up. Don't pretend to be okay when you're not. Paint it, sculpt it, write it, play it, sing it, scream it, hell, you can even meme it out into the void. Whatever it takes to reach someone else -- not just for yourself but for others, both present and future.

Because, to quote the inimitable Terry Pratchett, "in a hundred years we'll all be dead, but here and now, we are alive."

[ricanvvas]

This is really interesting. No comments on the SS part, but there are parts where I do disagree with. I just want to point out the way you interpreted Itachi instead of focus on the entire Sarada and Itachi thing.

I think you make Itachi seem like a monotonic shinobi who does not know how to feel, and honestly, I believe he’s entirely the opposite of that. You basically listed Sasuke’s personality traits. Itachi has to be one of the top characters who understands emotions and feelings, but what he’s good at is not letting it leak.

Itachi is a very collected person who has his things together despite his life being so messy, he has not been caught off guard. But this doesn’t equal to him being insensitive or incapable of understanding emotions or feelings like love, offering them as well after trials.

And I say this confidently because when the entire Uchiha clan were planning their wicked activities against the Konoha Village, Itachi and Shisui were the only ones not blinded by extreme dislike towards Konoha. They were thoughtful boys.

Itachi, before starting out on his journey to feint being a villain, used to be a total sweetheart. We see this not only through his soft behavior towards Sasuke, (as a toddler and when he was 13ish), but also when he joined the Anbu, it didn’t take much to figure that Itachi was a good at heart person. He knew how to be perfectly normal despite not having a normal childhood, and you have to be one hell of a strong person to be that.

We also have to keep in mind that during his Akatsuki era, his intentions were only a cover of his real ones.

As a child he always question war, battles, and the pride of a man’s clan, all of which he found his own answer to and he realized that they’re nothing but a reason to satisfy one’s tendency to be violent. Itachi was against it all. Despite trauma, and even if that’s all he knew his entire life. He was a pure man.

That’s why he is such a unique character. If he could desert it all and disappear, he would not hesitate to take the opportunity but he has a very tragic fate which forced him to be a one-time mass murderer.

Show-wise, if all turned well for Itachi in the end, I want to say it would be very unlikely for him to get married because I strongly believe Itachi would need to have a tough love story that gradually turns from angst (since he would try to push her away) to soft love. That’s a whole another discussion.

I don’t even think he would want to return to Konoha and stay there because of the immense trauma (same goes for Sasuke idfk why he lives in Konoha currently). Itachi would probably buy a small cabin within the mountains with cats and clear his heart and mind after finding out his brother is doing all well lol.

But speaking of, and connecting it back to you, if Itachi did have a family, he would 100% be far more lovely than Sasuke ever was to his own family.

Itachi would be a wonderful partner but he would lack communication in the beginning and he would need to be pushed to actually express his feelings or speak his thoughts, which’ll fix after he feels very comfortable with his wife. Also, it’s going to have to take a lot for Itachi to actually accept a person into his life. Like, a lot.

And Itachi would be an absolutely amazing father. Itachi is the type of person to learn from mistakes, whether it be his own or someone else’s, unlike Sasuke. Itachi takes notes and applies them. Fugaku was not exactly a great father. The only reason he praised Itachi was because Itachi was an extraordinary student and had impressive skills, he was not really seen as a child who needs child love. And Itachi would refrain from doing this to his own child. He would love his child as a child before he loves it as a shinobi. He would be great with kids. (Also note that he was like the only person who made younger Sasuke feel actual family love). He would be very sensitive about it too. He has a big, big heart, despite everything.

I’m not a fan of Boruto, so I wish I could say Itachi would smack Sarada but ahem. Unfortunately, since she does exist, and if Itachi did live, he would not exactly be a father figure to Sarada but he would scold Sasuke into being a better one. (Sarada seems like a brat too so idk if Itachi would even want to interact with her lol). And, I 1000% agree with the fact that Itachi would not be fond of Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship—I absolutely love the reasoning you put for it.

There are tonsss of evidence to all this, I wish I could go collect them all, but I think you’ve the wrong idea of him. He’s a marshmallow with the shell of iron.

Random question, but let's say that Itachi lived right? Like all the way to Boruto, do you think Itachi would probably be that one, almost, father figure to Sarada in a way? Considering since Sasuke has always been away from the two of them (Sakura and Sarada) if Itachi decided to stay in Konoha instead of traveling with Sasuke? Also I wonder how Itachi would react to Sasuke being with Sakura as well, I wonder, what do you think?

Interesting question.

To answer this, we need to consider some major factors that were crucial in shaping their lives.

If itachi lived, he should have the development he did during the war i.e. realizing treating Sasuke like a baby was a bad choice he made all along.

Sasuke doesn't know Itachi is alive. Why would he leave the village in the first place if Itachi was alive?

Itachi doesn't know where Sasuke is. Why else would Itachi stay in the village if he could be with his brother?

Konoha has somehow cleared his name and acknowledged its own crimes against the clan.

Still, I'm going to answer this question with the ideas that are independent of each other and don't need each other to exist (if that makes sense?)

I think Itachi would be a terrible father figure to Sarada. He didn't grow up to lead a normal life full of love and comfort. He was a Shinobi who was trained to kill. That's what he did all his life and he never had the time to be anything other than that. He loved Sasuke a lot, but his expression was thoroughly violent, although under extreme duress, and in a slightly easier life he'd have served better. He doesn't know how to be a normal person. He doesn't understand how to be something that's not a Shinobi and a killer. He was conditioned since his childhood to live a certain way and the change in the lifestyle would not change anything for him. I personally don't see him being able to guide Sarada or be a positive/healthy influence in her life. He can't give anything to her, or anyone, for that matter.

He's way, way too damaged as a person. Even if you include therapy sessions those won't erase his past and what he feels about himself. He can't offer anything in a bonding that isn't with Sasuke. He'd still feel some affection towards Sarada. He has no reason to not like her, but he can't be a parent figure to her. I mean, isn't that the whole reason Sasuke, too, isn't a 'good father' to Sarada? He too is damaged beyond repair.

Some anti-SS content under the cut. No slander or bashing of the characters, but my opinion on why Itachi might not approve of Sakura as his brother's life partner. I'll tag the post accordingly. Please don't read if you're a fan of the pairing.

He will not be overly thrilled about Sakura being in Sasuke's life. Sasuke didn't love Sakura and Sakura never loved Sasuke. She was obsessed with an image of his she found alluring and his absence in her life fed that longing further, making her feel she loved him. He was a trophy for her she was to win in the contest of her rivalry against Ino.

In other words, she had no genuine feelings for Sasuke.

Sasuke, too, never felt any affiliation towards her. Yes, there were some moments he cared about her deeply, but he's genuinely kind and caring towards people. If he loved her he'd be more open about his feelings.

When Itachi met Team 7 in the Kazekage Rescue Arc, he paid no attention to Sakura. His attention was solely on Naruto and was happy to see Naruto had grown so much from the last time they met. There was a reason he entrusted Sasuke with Naruto. And he wouldn't be too pleased to know that Sakura once tried to kill his brother for whom he bore the worst pains and sins in his heart.

That alone would infuriate him. However, it wouldn't matter to him if Sasuke really loved Sakura, because I don't think the Itachi that bid farewell to Sasuke in the war would claim any stakes on him. If Sasuke loved Sakura he would be okay with it, but not trust her. Itachi's brain works in different ways. xD

Itachi would also understand there's a reason his brother doesn't want to be with his family. And his lack of affection towards them would tell him everything. He decided things for Sasuke when he saw him as a child in the past, but won't make the same mistakes again.

I think he'd like Sarada, but won't be extremely fond of Sakura. Though I don't see him being good with kids at all.

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

Please tell me more about the whole generational trauma thing, cause its not talked about enough and I'm genuinely interested in what else you have to say about this <3

tumblr swallowed my entire reply :'') so i'm starting over and hopefully this time it will be shorter and more to the point

for the sake of this post, I am diving the characters into the following generations:

GT Gen (Golden Trio): Harry and his friends, Draco, the Weasley kids, Nymphadora etc

M Gen (Marauders): The MWPP, Black sisters, Snape, Lucius Malfoy etc

TR Gen (Tom Riddle): Riddle, Wal & Orion and their siblings, Abraxas Malfoy, Lyall Lupin, Effie and Monty Potter

E Gen (Elders): Dumbldore, Pollux and Arcturus Black, etc

There are several aspects to the kind of trauma I am talking about. There are more, of course, but I believe these are the main ones:

The Witch Hunts: often brushed off and disregarded as irrelevant due to how "old" they are. However, witch hunts in the UK haven't ended until the very end of 17th century/beginning of 18th. It was a literal genocide by the entire muggle population of Europe against a tiny minority of Wizarding families, so much bigger than all the wars put together. Considering we are told that the average life expectancy for wizards is much older than muggles (between 120 and 140 I believe, but in PS we are also told there are wizards as old as 500 and 700), the TR and E generations would grow up in families who still remember that. They are told stories how their great grandparents were burned at the stake. It's a lot of cultural and historic baggage for any family who lived through that and survived.

20th Century Wars: The Global Wizarding War (1910 to 1945); the First Wizarding War (1970 to 1981); the Second Wizarding War (1995 to 1998 on paper, but in reality the fear in tensions never really disappeared between 81 and 95). This goes beyond just terror and murder, this is persecution of followers (think of DEs knocking on every pure-blood's door like ding dong do you have a minute to talk about our Lord and Savior), this is living in constant fear that your loved ones might not return home, and certain generations (like Gen TR) literally knew no peaceful time at all, they were just tossed from one war to another.

Bloody Purity Culture: Stems from point 1 - witch hunts. This is the most by-the-book, typical, generational trauma response on a larger scale. When a minority group gets persecuted to the point of near genocide, the most natural reaction is to be hostile to the "oppressor" group and to distance yourself as far away as possible. The obsession with blood purity is deeply routed in the fear that if they let muggle-born kids in and muggles find out about the Wizarding World once more, history might repeat itself. Gens like E and TR have actual living relatives who still remember that.

Physical and Corporal Punishment at School and at Home: as I talked about it more deeply in the original post, it is mentioned by Filch that just like in the muggle world, Hogwarts had a corporal punishment system for a pretty big chunk of the 20th century. Phineas Nigellus Black was actually the Headmaster up until 1925, so it is likely that he either enstalled these laws, or enforced existing ones, which hints that the situation at home for most families like the Blacks was not any easier.

Use of Unforgivables at Home for Punishment/Training: The Unforgivable Curses actually were not categorized as such up until early 18th century, so the parents and grand parents of Gen E grew up with Unforgivables being used freely at home if not for punishment, then at least for resistance training. This kind of practice does not just die out upon being outlawed, it usually takes several generations, so we can safely assumed that Gen E and TR both grew up with curses like Cruciatus and Imperius being used at home at least for durability training, especially considering they were growing up in times of war.

So since I am a big fan of visual data, I even made an Excel table for you:

As you can see, Gens E and TR are the peak of generational trauma in this timeline. Especially TR, who lived through all three wars, fought in two of them at least, and also witnessed living memory of witch hunts, corporal punishment at schools and use of Unforgivables at home. It is no coincidence that Tom Riddle came exactly from this generation.

The thing about generational trauma that most people don't realise, is that when you grow up in a war, it's not just you - it's everyone, so nobody ever gets treated. When everybody has PTSD, then nobody really has PTSD, right?

These things leave lots of issues in people, each reacts in their own way to it, and this does not go away with one generation, even with lots of hard work and treatment, which neither generation ever got, except for maybe GT when it's finally all over.

This is why I'm so against painting characters like Dumbledore or the elder Blacks as strictly bad - these are deeply traumatised generations that carry previous gen's burdens as well as their own, they never had the chance to get treated, and it reflects on their kids as well.