#also girl I didnt try to off myself to be quirky girl i wanted to die in November

[peachyist]

woke up from a dream where I finally got closure from the whole falling out thing but in my dream I COMPLETELY forgot to bring up the fact how she made my suicide attempt about her & lied to my good buddy saying it was to affect him instead. twice. with two different people. Like man c'mon that's the main thing. that's like the thing that made it all inexcusable.

[sadsongsandwaltzes]

My junior year of high school, a new kid sat in front of me in home room and kept trying to catch my attention. He saw I was reading Paper Towns, so he started talking about John Green books, of which he had also read many. It worked well enough for one conversation, but that was about it.

I guess he took the John Green thing to heart and took all of his social cues from the books. He would make observations about me and tell them to my face, making it clear to me that he decided I was going to be his quirky manic pixie dream girl. Once, he pointed out to me that I’m “so different” because I was a cheerleader and involved in the school, but still sat alone in the back of class reading books and listening to emo music. He even followed up this observation with the quote — I kid you not — “but that’s so [my first name] of you” before walking away down the hall from me. If you have never read John green books: that is an exact quote (with a name change of course) that the pretentious protagonist of Paper Towns says about the girl for which he has an infatuation.

While I didn’t hate this guy, I simply did not care to have a friendship with him so I would make the polite conversations but otherwise tried to cut him off from myself as the John green-ification of our interactions was starting to get… weird.

One day I was walking with my friends in the hallway after lunch. He walked up to me and said “if you didnt want to be friends, you could’ve just told me to f^ck off” and then walked away as quickly as he had come to me, leaving me with no time to respond, and leaving my friends as weirded out as I had been this whole time, but no one believed me that someone would act in such a way in real life. He clearly had learned how to interact with others from the movies and YA novels he had read.

Anyways, I remembered this guy from nowhere today. I hope he has grown into his skin and learned how to live life normally and not have to take his social knowledge from the media. We’ve all been cringey, so I blame him not. It’s tough out here, hopefully he’s grown up and left John Green behind. Godspeed, whatever happened to him.

[rhymaes]

.

the way ive been trauma dumping on this site this past year & each post has felt hopeless but with an air of 'i know it will pass because i have purposefully created an open future where i can surpass my fears, create my own life where i can be me & enjoy what i love, & conquer what [x] did to me' & then it all collapses within two weeks & there genuinely is no hope for it & not in a haha it feels hopeless way but in a no things are happening so far outside my control that the people who Are in control were like. nah your fucked dude. sorry. is like. a different kind of horror helplessness. like okay lets rewind. i dont get into medical grief on here bc then id kms but like. okay. so 2022 i thought [x] was going to die & i told No One ever but also they knew i had [x] who i cared abt & was concerned for & everyone in [x] kept treating me like shit over it SPECIFICALLY & spreading rumors abt me bc i am a lesbian & then 2023 [x] & [x] & [x] all decide, separately, they want to be fun & quirky & try it with the gay girl so they can brag abt it to their bfs (im genuinly not being biphobic like. i mean they are straight women who would. do this. shit like. they said it. and then tried to queer it up when i told them to fuck off with it & they still needed their gay card bestie to fuck their ugly ass men who abuse them??? what the fuck!!!) & still gaslight me for caring abt [x]'s health & then tell me im selfish bc i wont drop everything for them & then try to out me & usher me into my greatest fear. okay. anyway. then 2024:like. u didnt think it could get worse is whats so funny!! like i faced my ed, lack of medication, insane financial struggles, tore myself out of a codependecy she imbeded in me so far that this now is the only time ive actually been Me for two years, & so many interpersonal issues & on-going griefs & then like. 2024 was like so? u know. that thing. the one youve been working for. that u were emotionally banking everything on & then u Did actually achieve it like we have the paperwork over it & u were also using it to prove to yourself that [x] may steal your work but she cant steal everything from u & also this is the only thing u could spend ur life doing without waking up every morning thinking abt how to kill urself? yeah actually you cant have that we changed our minds lol!!! & we didnt know how to tell u :/ so thanks for reaching out! but its not u is the thing like. youre so good bro. its an outside factor & oh yeah no theres like. nothing u can do like. u should drop it man. try next year. its not like u got through this year for that alone & put up with every thing that cut u so deeply bc u knew this would pay off not because u deserve it no but because u actually earned it & worked for it. but bye try again next year. like!! oh!! okay!!! im going to find the sexiest fucking ledge i can actually hahaha!!!

[heightjoke]

gender is weird bc at its core I am furious that anyone is seeing me as anything different than what I am based on whatever gender they think I am.

what I am though I don't know. the closest i got was Agender or Autigender.

I've done a lot of gender study and feminist theory and research into queer history.

to be honest it just confirmed the ideas I had about gender already. i did learn new stuff though ofc.

people call me a woman or girl and depending on the day I get offended by it, but often it feels cringe to be like "um actually ☝️🤓" and then in future sentences I'll refer to myself as a woman.

I don't wanna seem like a cis woman trying to be different or quirky.

I genuinely have a strained relationship with gender. The same way I'm on the asexual spectrum. It feels tied to my autism, sure, but when I experiment with gendered presentations of myself it can feel ~weird~. That goes for either way, any gender presentation.

it also feels like it's such a non-issue to talk about with people because they're like "well if you're fine being you and that has no label then just do that and stop ruminating"

But they assume it is troubling me, which is the first mistake - it is perplexing me, and I want to understand *now*. That's the troubling bit- I'm impatient.

I have this a lot. people assume I am frustrated or upset when I'm just trying to understand or I'm just passionate and trying to share that passion, but because I'm asking questions out loud, or adding more of my thoughts during conversation, they think I am demanding the answer off them.

tangent aside, it's weird and on my mind a lot.

do I feel gender dysphoria? I don't think so..? I'm not aiming for any of them ..

but do I really like it when people refer to me in a way that's like "oh that's just [my name]"

yes??

like "it's her" but it's not her I'm not she but I am but I'm totally not?

I kind of wish that pronouns didnt have to exist for me but I hate the idea of changing something I'm familiar with like that (autism, I guess)

The one consistent thing I've had since childhood, is I've felt uncomfortable with my name, but more uncomfortable with a name I chose, or if someone was to start using a new one.

I've always enjoyed multiple nicknames though.

I'm not just [my name], I'm peeper, I'm stompz, I'm heightjoke, I'm lady (this one is a complicated one).

I'm lady because its said gently and with care by my partner. like the way it's used for a ship. but not in an ownership way. not anything against that. it's just. I'm lady.

what has this garbled gender tangent turned into

imagine enjoying having nicknames and wanting to be seen as who you really are lmao idkbshdjkd

[gaylonelydyke]

if it’s not too late, 12 for episodes and ships, and 17!

its never too late! thankyou for the ask 🥰 oo damn this is gonna be a hefty one, just to prepare you this is gonna be long 😅😅😅

spoiler alert for my friends who are finishing up season 2 rn, be careful if you look at my top five episodes, pay attention the the episode numbers, i will put [ ] in bold at the beginning and end of spoilers!

12. Top 5 ships

5. faith x myself because have you seen faith? shes such a babe! spare consensual kiss maam?

4. willow x oz, i dont know if this is an unpopular or not but i feel like if the 90s had been more accepting of term then willow wouldve been bisexual, but like even now tv shows will rarely let characters say that word :( but anyway i love them! theyre both quirky and kinda awkward but its such a sweet relationship and you really see how they go from awkward crushes to an actual deep relationship, oz is one of my favourite characters too what a dude!

3. giles x jenny, mlmxwlw solidarity in this bisexual couple! there is no an ounce of straight between them and i love it, i love their dynamic, i love that giles *respects women* (im staring daggers at xander rn), also the original girlboss x malewife couple askdjaksjhd

2. drusilla x spike, these two!!!!!! once again a bisexual couple with zero straight between them, the vibes are off the charts. sexy vampires, goth x punk love, i just love them man, and their relationship is so interesting to delve into. like theyre vampires, theyre soulless and yet they have a capacity for love, they care deeply for eachother, theyre so tender towards eachother in season 2 in the way they take turns to care for one another, also drusilla picking spike up with one hand made me gay and thats on that

1. willow x tara!!!!! lesbians man lesbians! they have a beautiful relationship, until a certain point wink wink, they feel like a perfect match, willows become more outgoing due to buffy and xander snd having a proper group of friends, so its cool to see her as the more outgoing independant one in the relationship, and tara is such a honey 🥺 the biggest sweetheart in the world what a babe!!!! also like how groundbreaking was their relationship? as a queer couple, they had p much the dame amount of screentime as a aueer relationship today! and willow says the word lesbian so many times and is always making gay jokes which is something shows today are too scared to do, its honestly refreshing which is weird for a show in the 90/00s

12. Top 5 episodes

this is so hard because its such a damn good show so i had to rlly be picky about this but here we go

5. 6x22 ‘grave’- i watched buffy for the first time last year at work coz i worked with one other person just packing shit, and THIS was the episode that made us cry infront of eachother. the scene with willow and xander at the end is one of my all time favourite scenes and like legit we were watching and we starting going like ha.. this is so sad Q_Q and we looked at eachother and we were both crying akdjdjsjdhs its SO GOOD, like this is a friendship ive been so invested in and [seeing xander be able to pull her back from that dark place was so heart wrenching and amazing god its so good]

4. 3x12 ‘helpless’ - im finishing up s2 in my rewatch rn so i havent rewatched this one to double check but i remember loving it man. buffys father daughter relationship with giles is my favourite of the whole show they make my heart ache, so i love that this is an episode that really shows you how dedicated giles is to her, [its the breaking point where he finally disregards the fact that hes a watcher and acts as her father once and for all, its a turning point for their relationship where he is finally embracing the fact that shes like a daughter to him and i just love to see it Q_Q get you a dad who will leave his lifes calling for you]

3. 4x22 ‘restless’ - season 4 is interesting coz it has really good episodes and them some gd awful ones 😂😂 but this one just blew me away, i love a good character study episode and this is THE SHIT! its so weird and creepy but in the most perfect way, its not on the nose its so subtle, it feels like an uncanny valley version of buffy almost, i like that they finished the season first and then took this episode to do something out of the box and different i feel like it lets them fully explore this idea without the pressure of needing plot included. [also the cheese man is iconic. dont however like xander being all nasty with willow and tara but whats new there man]

2. 1x12 ‘The Prophecy Girl’ - for my first watch of buffy i wasnt that into the first season, like i enjoyed it but i didnt think it was anything super special? but this episode changed EVERYTHING for me. up until now buffy had been fun, witty, charming, but not anything new atleast for me, maybe in the 90s it was but right now its your average teen supernatural show. but this episode!!!! the emotion! buffy facing her death, her speech about how shes just 16 and shes scared and she doesnt want to die, that is what i wanna see!! its heartbreaking and it made me cry, and then it gives us the wonderful moment of giles trying to take her place and buffy realising that she has to be the one to do it, man its so good! basically anything with buffy and giles being a duo is gonna make it an automatic yes from me and this is indeed the case for this episode, i just love that the show remembers that shes a child! shes not brave all the time, shes not strong all the time, shes just doing her best and sometimes its overwhelming, 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i bow to this episode

1. 2x17 ‘passion’ - i know i just sang praises about prophecy girl but THIS EPISODE IS THE SHIT, the best episode full stop. i wont accept any argument. angel is probably my favourite big bad, its so funny to see plain bread, mopey brooding angel become this charismatic, funny, poetic, blood thirsty angelus, hes everything i want in a villain and in this episode he delivers! rip jenny tho love her. i think the tension built around angel is so good, because of his drawings and notes left around, every scene youre worrying like is he here now? are they safe or what? its so tense! and also it is me and im a slag for buffy x giles father daughter moments and this episode fucking delivers! giles discovering jennys dead body is probably one of the best scenes on the show, the dramatic irony is heAVY, we know jenny is dead, we know that these flowers arent from her, but giles is so so happy, and i want to see him happy but you just know somehing horrific is about to happen and damn does it. its a masterpiece! i love jenny and giles so much it is so sad, but also the fact that it gave us that scene makes me almmmoost ok with it? i also love the moment where giles breaks down in buffys arms, hes been there for her and now shes returning the favour and hes accepting it i just 😭😭😭 also on a different note, angels narration of this episode is amazing! it gives us great insight to who he is as “evil angel” and like even though hes awful i was also kind of rooting for him coz hes just such a great villain

sorry this is so long lmao, last question!

17. Which characer do you wish had less of a focus on them in the show?

i dont wanna get yelled at butttttt i dont like the amount of focus on dawn. i think it makes sense for the her first season considering the story arc but that season really does double down its focus onto dawn and buffy and it barely leaves room for anyone else to have a storyline, it keeps the episodes super depressing too its like a constant level of just sadness the whole time because we’re so stuck in THEIR arc, theres no room to balance it out and have a breather, some people might like that its more serious but i really really didnt like, i love episodes like prophecy girl where it is campy and brings the more emotional notes in when the time comes, but dawns whole arc is just constantly depressing the whole time i just hate it, and also just shes not a character i felt i could connect to because of how suddenly shes introduced, so its weird to have her SO focused on in the first half of that season coz we dont know her yet so i feel like the emotional moments dont land the way that they should? basically they shouldve eased us into dawn or introduced her differently and maybe i would like her enough to want the focus on her but i really just dont

adksjakjshd apologies for the essay this is, thanks for the ask!

[otterplusharchive]

rey! do you have any recs for kdramas? i have never watched any, but i like lovable characters and romance ? thank you in advance!

I DO IN FACT HAVE DRAMA RECS HII not all of these will be kdramas, but ill start with the kdramas ive watched and enjoyed and ill include all the warnings for them that i can remember off the top of my head and a brief synopsis for u!

kdramas-

1. weight lifting fairy kim bok joo

this was probably one of the first kdramas i saw people post about in like 2015 and i watched a little bit of it in 2016 but then only just got around to finishing it last year. the basic gist of it is its about a young sports college weight lifter, kim bok joo, centering around her navigating through her life and trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life and what she wants to be. her romantic interest in the show is a swimmer and they have a sort of rivals to friends to lovers, he is SO in love with her and its adorable. i absolutely loved the side characters in this show theyre all so fun and kim bok joos best friends and weight lifting team are especially delightful. my main warning would be that this show addresses eating disorders and theres a lot of mention of both weight gain and weight loss, theres also a plot point early on where kim bok joo has a crush on her eventual love interests older brother but it gets resolved and the older brother literally goes "i didnt realize you had a crush on me and if i knew that i wouldnt have been so friendly with you, it would be completely innapropriate for us to be in a relationship". overall its a really sweet and emotional fun show but if you have issues with weight talk id skip this one

2. tale of the nine tailed

this one is really recent from last year and i didnt expect to be so hooked by it but boy howdy did i get attached to all the characters and the wild plot. it feels hard to explain the plot but basically a nine tailed fox named lee yeon is living in modern day seoul and is working for the underworld finding paranormal spirits/creatures/other rogue foxes that are causing havoc on the world, hes resigned himself to living this life while waiting for his girlfriend who died tragically 600 years ago to come back to life because he traded his status as a mountain god in order to ensure that her soul would one day be reincarnated. a plucky investigative journalist named nam ji ah figures out that hes not human and shenanagins ensue because she looks exactly like his dead girlfriend oooooo whatll happen. the plot beyond that gets really wild and its hard to explain and is easier to just watch. if u enjoy paranormal adventures this one is good. my one big complaint and issue with this is that the immortal mountain spirit meets his original girlfriend when shes a child and she continues to visit him off and on as she grows up which is Hm I Dont Like That! but thankfully the present time romance our female lead meets him when shes about 30 if im remembering right. also warnings for general fantasy violence, references to child abuse, animal death, and abandonment issues

3. extraordinary you

HUGE unreality warning for this. if you have issues with feeling unreal or have paranoia/delusions about not being a real person id avoid this one just because of its premise

ok i know i said tale of the nine tailed was a hard plot to explain but BOY extraordinary you is even HARDER to explain. because its so wild but so good. its about a girl who realizes that she is literally a side character in a comic book, and the story becomes her trying to change the story to save her character from dying but it becomes a lot more than that. the romance in this is literally tooth achingly sweet and the show itself is very pretty, i loved the side characters in this one and the show was engaging and interesting to watch it became really layered and meta. super reccomend this one honestly. my main issues/warnings that i can remember off the top of my head were just one character being the classic controlling boyfriend stereotype, bullying someone specifically for being poor, unreality like i mentioned before, and then at the very end there was this love interest for a side character who got reincarnated from a past piece of writing that they had been in and put in the comic but she was a student and he was the school cook which is weird but thankfully they like barely interact at all and theres no real romance he just like recognizes her and its barely a thing at the end of the show but its still weird

4. mystic pop up bar

big warning for suicide, sexual harrasment (which is framed as being bad and the guy whos harrassing the girl literally gets thrown off a roof)

i havent finished this one yet and thats mainly because im not emotionally ready because this one makes me soooo emotional. if you like found family this is a good one. its about a pop up bar run by a woman whos been tasked with solving the problems of a certain amount of people in order to atone for her crimes in the past before dying, shes able to enter the dreams of people and solve their issues using the information she gets in the dreams. paranormal shenanagins ensue, she acquires a son and a husband and it kills me its so fun and quirky and fun despite handling dark themes and peoples problems. also very sweet the found family murders me

5. kingdom (netflix original)

i literally am not going to be able to watch any other zombie media because kingdom and train to busan are the best pieces of zombie media ive ever seen. warnings for gore and violence and just general horror aspects.

i absolutely love this one its so thrilling and well done, i love the acting and the way that this show looks its absolutely gorgeous. a zombie plague breaks out in joseon period korea where the emperor has died and then was brought back to life by the queen and her father in a ploy to try and keep their family in political power, the crown prince must find answers. a lot more happens and its very dramatic and good i love the characters in this one

cdramas

1. the untamed. if you follow me and you havent watched the untamed im begging you to watch the untamed. literally one of the most beautiful stories ive experienced in my life i am not joking when i say i cried multiple times over it. the main characters are canonically gay in love and have a son together please watch the untamed. handles a lot of dark themes, heres a tw guide

2. the sleuth of the ming dynasty

this is another one i havent finished but its fun so far, very gay, found family, food, and solving murder mysteries during the ming dynasty

3. hikaru no go (also known as qi hun)

havent finished this one, there is some propaganda about hong kong in the first episode but as far as i know thats the only instance of something like that in the show

this ones about the game go and so far its very sweet and fun, local boy awakens a ghost who was a master of the game of go hundreds of years ago and eventually is persuaded to learn how to play go with the aid of the ghost. im really liking this one so far its very cute and i love the characters in it. if youve watched the untamed nie huaisangs actor ji li is in this one!

4. the legend of yunqian

this ones very short and on youtube, all the episodes are about 5 minutes long and its a lesbian time travel fantasy adventure with a happy ending! funny and cute

jdramas

1. cherry magic

please please please watch cherry magic. the premise sounds very much like a weird yaoi kind of thing but trust me on this. trust me. it is so heart warming and sweet and i was so emotional about it and the growth of the main character.

adachi gains the power to read peoples minds on his 30th birthday based off a urban legend that if youre a 30 year old virgin that youll become a wizard. after gaining this power he accidentally finds out that his extremely popular and handsome coworker has a crush on him, and shenanagins ensue along with adachi having blossoming feelings in return. this show was really refreshing in a lot of ways, adachi is a main character who like.. is unsure of himself and insecure in a very kind of realistic way, he closes himself off and is afraid to reach out to people and through the course of the show we see him slowly come out of his shell and realize that hes likeable and lovable and that people want to be around him and its so nice to see. my main complaint about this show is that i dont really like the background couple, but otherwise this is a very sweet and refreshing gay romance that has a happy ending!

some others that i myself havent seen but that ive seen people talk about a lot and that i want to watch eventually:

- the legend of fei (cdrama)

- the wolf (cdrama)

- gaurdian (cdrama, not the kdrama one called goblin)

- healer (kdrama, i did watch some of this one but it was in 2016 and i never finished it so i barely remember any of it but i do remember liking it)

- nobody knows (kdrama)

- its ok to not be ok (kdrama)

sorry this is so long but i hope youll be able to find a drama u enjoy!!

[bo0zey]

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person??? 

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing 

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny 

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm 

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!! 

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

[cassandra-maston]

Year One | Self-Para

[mentioning @adrianwesterfeld @genevieve-young @dovemitchell @warrenhutchinsoniii @yourluckyray @tessa-lisbon @wyattsaugis @jakelevenstein]

“Cassandra? Would you like to come up and say a few words?”

Cass hesitated, still a bit in shock as she stared at the chip they had just handed her. She felt one of her sponsors pat her shoulder, whisper that she could do it before she remembered exactly where she was and she got to her feet. There was nervous energy building in her stomach as she got to the front of the room and took in the people around her. She could feel Ray’s proud smile from the other end of the room, wanting to joke that he was two minutes short of breaking out a video camera like a proud dad. Though he’d have to fight Warren for it who’s wide smile could easily give it a run for it’s money. She was so grateful for them, for their little sober pow wows and all the time she had leaned on the two of them when she wasn’t feeling her best. 

She glanced at the seat Tessa would usually be in and her smile faltered slightly, having wished she could share this moment with her too. She hadn’t yet visited her but maybe getting this chip, and feeling like celebrating would give her the push she needed to reach out and see if it was okay to visit her. They had spent the weeks before her accident talking about it and there was part of it that didn’t feel the same but she knew Tessa wouldn’t have anyone fretting over her in such a prideful moment. 

“Wow,” were the first words out of her mouth as she stood up there, still flipping over the chip in her hand. “A whole year, you know that’s like..365 days,”s he continued and let out another laugh, looking at Ray and Warren who were nodding before she took a deep breath and continued. “You know, all this week I was thinking about what this means to me. A whole year without drugs, without alcohol, a whole year of finding new coping mechanisms, of learning how to get through without getting fucked up. A whole year of finding my passions again, of mending bridges, going through each step to make sure I was where I needed to be.” She paused again and ran her thumb over the ridges of the chip as she thought back on the past year. 

“I relapsed about...four months after getting out of rehab. I was scared and lost and I thought, wow I’m such a failure. I can’t even make it a few months in the real world. You know rehab was really the first place that I just got to be who I wanted which is crazy, right? I’m not trying to romanticize it but it was the first time in my life that I felt really, truly, physically alone. And it gave me the time to think about the kind of person I wanted to be and I really struggled with that when I got out. I struggled with getting up everyday and pushing back against the person I used to be. And I saw her everywhere, you know? At all the places I used to go, at school, I saw the girl who I didnt’ want to become again. I still do. I see her everyday. But it’s gotten easier,” she admitted and took a breath. “I wouldn’t say it’s easy at all, I think we all know that every day is a choice, right? Eventually it gets better and better by time but it’s always there, lingering somewhere. And I’ve only gotten through a year that’s..there’s so much time to go.”

Cassandra took a breath, realizing she was rambling a bit and looked around the room again. “I guess what I’ve learned the most this year is how to lean on others better, to be a little more guarded but also not close myself off to the possibility of goodness. In the past year I re-connected with my two best friends who continue to be the best people in the world. I mean Adrian he’s just...goodness and light personified, he helps keep me afloat whether it’s with his hugs or with our playlists or late nights at McDonalds. He’s always there. Always. And Genevieve well, she’s just like..another piece of my soul, you know? She saved me and she still saves me every day just by existing and letting me exist with her. I reconnected with my Mom, and now every Friday we get lunch and go shopping and she’s even came to a party to see me DJ. I get to DJ! How cool is that? I’m booking parties and doing what I love and getting to listen to music all the time. I turned down Harvard and stayed at Ravenwood and have not regretted it since. I help write a comic book with two of the nerdiest and sweetest guys who have helped me remember all the little quirky and nerdy things about myself I tried so hard to hide It’s fun and I love it. You should definitely check it out if you get the chance.  And I fell in love, which was probably one of the scariest things about this year,” she admitted with another laugh, getting more excited by the second to show the chip to Dove later. “I met someone who helped me trust again, who helped me see myself in a better light, who loves me like really, truly, loves me and I’m still in awe of it every day. But I love her, I love her a lot and I’m really grateful that she has taken the time to understand what I need, to even stay sober herself for some time which she just did and I..still get emotional about it,” she admitted and took in a deep breath to keep herself from tearing up. 

“You all know I can talk and talk but I guess the number one lesson from all of this is that you don’t have to let things define you which seems like common sense but I think we all know that just because it’s common sense, it doesn’t mean we’ll listen, right?” She let out a soft laugh and reached up to rub at her nose. “But really, I mean, I am definitely not the person I was at the start of this year and I was so caught up in my past, I still am, but more and more I’m remembering just all that I’ve done and all the good that Im doing for myself and others now. That I can be the person I wanted to be. I can do the things that make me happy and stay sober. I can get better at being honest with my friends and making more time to do the things I love. But I realize now that I can’t do it alone. And leaning on people has been hard but I’m getting better at it. Much better at it. So I’m just grateful. For having good people and for being able to get another chance, because not everyone does.”

“So..yeah, I guess that’s it,” she said with a laugh and held up the chip so everyone could clap. She happily left the front of the room to hug both Ray and Warren, laughing as they all jumped around a bit and she held them tight. She had done this, she had made it and if she could make it this far then she knew she could keep going forward, living the life she was always meant to but never dreamed was possible. 

[wiccanscauldron]

My job sucks and i have to quit

Sorry for the rant but i feel like i have to say this and i know my bosses wont listen.

I work at a dog daycare/ hotel. In theory its the best job ever and at first it was. However, as time went on I realized its a nightmare

Ill use different names to protect their identities but well call my supervisor lizzy. And the two girls who got promoted to shift leads rebecca and candice.

Lizzy is the lowest on the platform of managers. She’s considered a manager but doesnt make big decisions for the business like the managers do. Shes called a manager but shes just a supervisor.

Rebecca use to be nice when i was in training and candice always appeared to be timid/ laid back.

The owner recently gave people promotions and raises or bonuses and once rebecca and candice got their promotions they changed. Rebecca is now snarky and questions me 24/7. Candice is now bossy and always points out shit for me to do (even though we have the same job, hers just now includes a possibility of longer hours and a more flexible schedule).

Last Wednesday i went inside to do some cleaning (we always have a cleaning list) and Rebecca questioned why i wanted to clean. I told her its a part of my job and since there were 3 other people in the yard, it shouldnt be a problem for me to go clean something (it was an extremely slow day, dogs were all sunbathing and sleeping). Not 10 minutes later candice comes in telling me i have to go back outside because its too crazy out there and they need my help. So i go back out. Within a minute of being out there Rebecca says “im going to take my ten minute break.” When she comes back i go for a “bathroom break.” I check the cleaning list and the bitch did everything. THEY TOOK ME OUT OF DOING MY JOB SO THEY COULD GET TO IT FIRST.

A couple weeks ago i was on a closing shift with lizzy and i was going through the unwritten cleaning list we had to do before we leave. we had an hour left and it was actually getting cold because i was outside spraying the yard with enzyme (stuff that takes the pee smell away and replaces it with peppermint) and i went inside and put my work jacket on and started folding laundry that had just finished. The door bell rang and the last daycare dog was picked up. So i locked up and went back to folding laundry. Lizzy comes in and says “you know you have to clean rooms before we leave right? You cant leave rooms dirty over night. What are you doing?” I explained to her that i wanted all daycare dogs to go home before cleaning or id have to clean each room individually but i was doing laundry and wanted to finish them before moving on to cleaning. She then made it seem like i was packing up and leaving and abandoning my duties and cleaned the 3 rooms herself angrily. For the next week Rebecca and candice made me go inside and clean every single room that had been slightly dirty. Im sure lizzy told them and they took it as a way to pick on me.

At my job people talk a lot about their dogs and you can bring yours in if you want. My dog passed away last year and i haven’t gotten a new dog since but i still talk about her at work when the opportunity presents itself... or i try. Lizzy and candice bring their dogs in almost always. Rebecca only brings her dogs when they need a bath. They will talk to eachother about their dogs and the adventures they go on, their quirky personalities and funny stories. They always move away from me while talking and if theres a third person they always block me from the conversation by standing in front of me. When i start talking about my old dog they talk over me and pretend i don’t exist. Most recently they talked about going on hikes. Rebecca talked about taking her dogs on a concrete path hike on a very hot day and her dogs getting severely injured. I was shocked that she would do that. Thats not only extremely irresponsible but also mean. She talked about how stupid she felt afterwards and everyone comforted her saying “its not your fault, you didnt know” which could be true but when i start talking about taking my dog on a long walk next to the beach and railroad tracks and her chasing the birds they disperse immediately and ignore me completely. That day i left the yard without saying a word and made myself look busy inside until it was time to go home.

My last straw was today. We had a puppy bowl as a fun activity tying into the superbowl. Which really just means they put tape on the yard making it look like a foot ball field, gave bandannas on dogs and let them play with football toys. Rebecca, candice and lizzy used it as an excuse to not do any work saying the puppy bowl took a lot of their attention away from their duties and got away with it. Which left me to do all the cleaning for my closing shift. I started cleaning at 4 and didnt get fully done until 9:10. My shift was supposed to end at 9. I didnt stop for a break or even water. Sounds like an exaggeration but its not. I finished the cleaning list within an hour. One thing on the cleaning list took a lot of time after the hour but i included it as part of my other duties. Before we leave we have to let the dogs go to the bathroom one last time and i was gonna use that time to clean dirty rooms (there were 15 because Rebecca, lizzy and candice didnt do anything, normally there are only 3-5) i had to clean the glass on all the doors (each room has a glass door) refill the dogs waters, clean up any mess, feed some of the dogs that arrived late for boarding, dishes (which was doubled since no one did anything today) and laundry. All of that on top of front desk asking me to get daycare dogs to give to their parents (there were about 30 dogs at the end of the day). At the end I realized i was doing everyone’s work and chances are id still get criticized for not doing a good enough job. I started getting heavy chest pains accompanied extreme feelings of dread and depression. Im the only person at my job who does their job and gives a shit about the dogs. 90% of the time i clean up after the dogs. If there is a cleaning list, im on top of it. If a dog is injured im the only one who takes care of them, im the only one who cleans off their eye boogers and makes sure the shy ones get any attention. When they start picking fights i dont yell at them and pin them down. I get them to play with someone else instead of fighting (and ive been told im too nice in the yard). I give more of a shit than anyone, im picked on repeatedly and im ignored. Only one person has noticed my hard work and when that person told others they began to ignore him too. I have done nothing to make anyone dislike me and yet i am the outcast. Is it because im the youngest there? (im 21 btw) i think it is because they fired The youngest most recently and everyone picked on her too. (She was 20) i dont think i can tell management because they ignore anything they dont want to hear and they cherish Rebecca, candice and lizzy more than anything.

So now im looking for a new job because a part time minimum wage job should not have to make you feel like youd rather die or give you horrible chest pains.

[flockofdoves]

was trying to think of a way to divide up ocs on toyhouse so i don’t get too embarrassed about them yesterday but then it turned into just trying to list like every character i’ve ever made the vast majority of them i’d never put on toyhouse lol. but this was fun for myself even though i definitely forgot chracters and even whole stories from when i was younger

kinda old (definitely need updating they’re from when i was 17/18 and haven’t done much in recent years but nonetheless are my most recent ocs and i would probably like to do something with them someday still):

all the alienated characters - raul and michael primarily, also side characters like their relatives (lennie, joaquin, marcell, maybe also shinsuke, natalia, nina, naomi, hana, leela, etc) and friends (still need to name them lol) etc

justicia (less set on doing her story any time soon compared to alienated, but still theres something to it i might want to work with someday)

pretty old (like i was 16-17)

gf debate characters (this is actually older than a lot of the ones i list as even older in this list but i kept working on them til i was like 17 so they hold up better even if i don’t want to finish making their story anymore) - isaac, micah (micah is literally kinda from when i was 12 lol but i brought her to like 3 different stories and she was a boy in the first one too so shes basically not that character anymore), and then side characters like mirabel (originated in same story at 12 as micah), ayçin, anna, micahs mom and her wife, micahs cousin (another one from that old story) etc

those ocs that literally none of them have names or barely personalities i only ever did character sketches and basic concepts but its like a ghost story thing i was gonna do - 12 y/o baby butch protag, the ghost girl, baby butch’s trans girl cousin, cousins trans guy friend

really old (characters from when i was like 14-15 that did not really develop much from there. most of these are characters i have had fun with and maybe drawn since but are goofy and don’t hold up in a lot of aspects and most of them i’ll probably never pick up for stories again)

football lesbians - monica, wanda, and rania

pigeon magical girls (technically maybe i actually finished a very abbreviated version of their origin story for a school art project when i was 15 lol but i planned to do more back then and now i dont want to) - zehra, ronni, the pigeon, probably not amy and zoë that was just a cameo for myself of ocs from when i was like 11 lol

naomi’s story (this one i might actually want to do something with someday, i wrote a short story about it plus a bit more, but i have to make some serious changes i don’t really think i thought of some of the implications of some stuff in it before) - just naomi and the ghost basically. not to be confused with naomi in alienated who is michael’s sister they are not at all the same person

assorted characters that never really had a story - mels and cvijeta, charlotte (thought about putting her in football lesbians. she does basketball but. jock wlw you know)

really really old (characters from late middle school, like 13-14)

uhhh that wizards story. it never had a name idk. i still kinda like them though tbh even if i’ll never do anything with them anymore - tess, ali, nataline, brandy, mo, remora, cnidarian

really really really old (characters from the middle of middle school, like 12-13. at this point my recollection of what came before what might be kinda off tho)

that fae folk in pennsylvania and ohio story - emilia, ilana, micah (first version! lol), mirabel, that boy that i just hate and don’t remember the name of and resent making a character that had a crush on micah, micahs cousin, darling/angel (a faerie that just went by terms of endearment as if they were names), uhhh the second group of characters in a different more rural town i tried to write that i dont remember the names of

haunted victorian house story - benji, aisha, elizabeth

updated onex arget (fantasy world i wrote about a lot when i was in elementary school) story - nai, rieae

idk this story never had a name and barely a plot beyond ivy and victor becoming friends and venting to each other - victor, ivy, miles, maitê

forks and spoons (story i improvised with my little cousin who was like 8 at the time lol) - florimundi(?), i’m forgetting literally all 3 of the other characters names lol (maybe reese and victor for two of them??? but maybe not bc those are also other very old characters that idk if i reused the names of)

theo and ted - theoni and theodore (aka theo and ted!), oh also that guy they meet who wears like. a trench coat iirc

super old (characters from the later half of the 6th grade and early 7th, like 12ish)

really dumb story about a closeted trans person with did getting transformation powers - i actually dont remember the main character and their main other alters names anymore, i remember the other character they had a crush on stephan though

all those characters in bands that i never actually could settle on a story for beyond a variety of interpersonal drama. very inspired by the webcomic jenny hanniver tbh - avery, mark, etti, adrian, xavier, pepper, uhhh theres literally So Many more of them and also so many i dont remember the names of anymore but just for some that come to mind. that periwinkle colored hair in a bowl cut character that always wore a beanie who was in avery’s band whos names on the tip of my tongue (maybe that was etti and the character i’m calling etti was called something else?? maybe victoria? maybe andy? maybe andy was an entirely different 3rd character?? idk. actually yeah i’m positive bowlcut character was etti rereading this), xaviers ex-boyfriend who was obsessed with homestuck (lmao), that guy with red hair i accidentally directly ripped off the design of some jenny hanniver character, that goth guy with braces and glasses (maybe he wasnt in this?), that screamo band with 2 lead singers, that guy with brown hair that said he was straight with an exception (msfdkjghhsfd god), that person with the emo haircut in flame colors, this literally is not even all the characters lol

extremely old (largely from 6th grade, like age 11ish. weird period of time where i suddenly wanted to write about romance but thought it had to be straight but then very quickly was like ‘wait actually nvm i have a laptop now and think i’m bicurious i’m only gonna write about gay people)

gsa story (this might have been the summer before 7th actually but it feels distinctly before the other stuff in the last category so idk maybe just my whole impression of when i made things for middle school is off) - emmy(?), allie(?), noah(???), some other kid, i think noah(?) or the other kid got reused to be the guy i regretted making a part of that faerie story who liked old micah lol, maybe more kids, their teacher

idk that kid with blue hair and black eyes with white irises and his sister

middle school lesbians - leah and cass

lesbian who works in food service and there were weird references to comic books but filtered through me referencing an obscure emo humor youtube channel that made jokes about comics i’d never read - amy, zoë, amy’s straight best friend i dont remember the name of??

tosca (this wasnt straight romance but it was like the last thing pre me always having lgbt main characters) - idk. there were two characters i drew like once. theres nothing to note about this except wanting to make it is what made me learn about webcomics

that story i posted the first chapter of on quibblo about a hippie girl (somehow in 2010?? dont ask me) and an emo boy liking each other before abandoning to never write about cishet romance again. didnt even get to the romance part lol - i forget her name. maybe it was april? maybe it was florimundi and i reused it later for another character, nix, reese (her goth lesbian best friend. thank god for reese)

first attempt at straight romance. also about like. idk. fantastical powers in clouds in providence rhode island - selia, shay, cassandra, selias other friend i forget the name of??

ancient (literally elementary school ocs. obviously theres a lot of grades covered here but its just my memory and ability to reference this is so loose idk if i could even try to accurately divide it further)

shadow magic - mezzaluna, her aunt tabby(?), alexa

a, j, & j (barely counts i didnt do anything with them. those are the only characters also)

arine (some of these characters might not be arine characters and just from other onex arget (fantasy world i wrote a bunch of stories in and made a shitty conlang for and stuff) stories but i just dont really remember) - lia, lias sister, dibujurm, that other fantastical creature who was friends with dibujurm i forget the name of that kinda looked like calcifer from howls moving castle but fuzzy not an actual fire (maybe isigo??), emiaelaesa, that obnoxious prince (i think the story was called arine bc that was his name?), the prince’s servant, there absolutely were more

the musical adventures of shiri and don - shiri, don, some evil villain and his henchmen

rosington (there were like no characters besides her. weird junie b jones rip off with nonsensical humor to everyone but me)

that tree prophecy story (maybe set in onex arget?) - nico, emi (?? maybe not her name), their uncle (i forget his name, maybe lester?), their uncles shipmates, that fortune teller

idk some kid that goes on a scavenger hunt to solve a mystery on vacation in like bermuda or something where he meets some quirky girl character who helps him. thats all

i had some characters that started out as me trying to draw characters from the book hoot by carl hiaasen but for some reason then turned into my own ocs and looked nothing like those characters were described and also basically had nothing to do with them in personality and action beyond name after a while. - beatrice and napoleon. this was in a phase where i got a ‘how to draw anime’ book and napoleon straight up looked like a yugioh character his hair was ridiculous

those fake siblings i made up and lied to a substitute teacher in kindergarten about me having 6 siblings because of for absolutely no reason even though i only have one sibling irl

imaginary friends i shared with my brother and then made stories about - theres so many of these, the most important though was chick-chick-chick. who was a very small chick who wore a top hat. and then he had a family(?) of infinitely smaller chicks (chick-chick-chick-chick, for example) the more “chicks” you added to the name

[celestialallstars]

Episode #7: “That was what we in the business call a "bruh" moment.” - Stephen

NEVER MIND HE DID IT THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN DID IT HE USED THE VOTE STEAL SUCCESSFULLY AND GOT KORI RIGHT OUT OF THIS GAME. IN YOUR LIFE HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

Oh I am so PUMPED! Kori leaving has all but confirmed most of the things we all thought already- Michael/Drew/Matt/Chloe are together. On top of that, Alyssa and by extension, Jack probably is also with them. Which leaves the remaining 4 of the OG Tuatha group (Rhys/Mitch/Stephen/Bryce) then Mitch. This also leaves Bryce/Loris/me. What does this tell me? I can't have Orfeo lose because it is sudden death for Bryce/Stephen/Loris...so I need to make sure my tribe loses. BUT I also need to make sure one of Jack or Alyssa leaves. Whether they are numbers for the others or not, I need people I'm with to gain upperhand before it is too late and if Orfeo keeps losing, even if we get to merge, I don't think it will matter because they will get numbers. So Operation: Snakegrass is now in effect

That was what we in the business call a "bruh" moment.

KORI WAS SLAIN! Not by an idol like I worried, but by an advantage that was much more powerful in that given situation! My game has effectively changed here on the Orfeo Tribe. I'm no longer trying to form an alliance that controls the outcomes of votes, I can only really look out for myself.

Michael, Matt, Drew, and Chloe are very likely to let go of the majority now that they have it. They aren't my rivals anymore. Not until the merge, anyway. Unfortunately, that means if we lose another challenge, Bryce and Loris will need to be the people who go home, barring any insane changes. I'm going to need to pander like I've never pandered before. I can't be mad with Michael until his time comes. Don't worry though, if I have any say in it, he won't make it past the first merge vote.

But, that's assuming I survive that long! I'm sure Bryce and Loris are just as freaked out as I am, so I need to out-pander them. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Operation: Snakegrass so far got the first half downpack with us losing. Jared talked with Mitch who says he is close to me and Rhys. With Zach in the mix, we might be bale to get something going, but now we gotta be careful...anything can happen at this tribal methinks!

WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP. Safe again! It’s so good to be back on the immunity train Choo choo. It’s also really good because I really don’t want to vote out anyone on my tribe and all the people I’m not as connected with are on the other tribe so keeping my tribe safe even tho I know Stephen and Bryce may not trust me 100% right now is CRUCIAL for my game going forward.

likeee ok. i have some hot goss i suppose. so i knew kori was leaving pre-tribal. bryce leaked the vote steal (michael - > loris - > bryce) and so it was meh. i was truly fine with either kori or matt leaving though because those two are legit like 2 of the only 3-5 people i dont feel like i got a connection with.

throughout the time between tribal results to challenge, i get asked by a few people to throw [bryce, loris, drew, stephen somewhat, chris]. chris mainly proposes that bryce and loris are with us and they're in danger, which is likely true. i just like.. i didnt throw because im triggered by that but i also like probs didnt try my hardest. who knows ! not me. anyway. AFTER I FLOPPED I LEGIT HAD LIKE 4 OF THEM PM ME SAYING 'THANKS FOR THROWING KING' LIKE FUCK OFF LKSDJGLDKGMLKDSGMLKDSG I DIDNT THROW but tbh i might play that up so they think im a generous queen xx

chris seems to want jack or alyssa out, as does jared. chris/rhys made alliance with me them jared and mitch which is cute. i feel like i should leak bc someones going to but im also too lazy to.

im lowkey really anxious though cuz i dont want my tribe to snap at me for thinkin i threw or blindside me. like NNNN and we're so close to merge.  BUT if things go accordingly, one of alyssa or jack should leave. i like both a lot but i think i'd prefer alyssa out. we have a 'f2' or smth but we dont rlly talk and i feel like because we never were on the same tribe til now, our allegiances just fell elsewhere (which is fine but its just hard to maintain that).

i dont want to get blindsided/voted off yet. 14th isnt cute... and like... im so close to merge. my guess is merge will be at 12/13 so... im so close. (its probs f8 but who cares). i just hope i can be safe enough that i dont go. i feel rlly good with chris/jared... rhys decent too. mitch not so much but im gonna try to forge a stronger bond. i think the girls are gonna choose 2 rid of jack but idk.. i hate this cuz i really like jack and getting to meet him beyond just a VL was great n i truly enjoyed this. so if he ends up leaving, and he reads this, i want u to know u are great n i love u n playing w u was fantastic!! same with anyone. like everyone left is fairly active and deserve to be here so im content.

god. anyone wanna speak up is gonna come out when i get blindsided LOL.

Sooo the 24 hour puzzle challenge cracked some things out of the water. Alliances got exposed left and right and now im in a 5 man alliance with og orfero and og tuatha against og cyrena. This is all becauase sharky leaked an alliance in one of his screenshots consisting of drew/michael/clohie/alyssa/jack/matt or some varient. In order for their numbers to weaken, we need to get rid of jack or alyssa. It doesn not help their case that they have not been on a tribe with anyone outside of og cyrena except drew and michael (who are on the other tribe). Right now, my alliance is debating on splitting the votes or making it unanimous but we are afraid of idols. We think that regardless of what happens, the one og cyrena left standing won't trust us any longer. I am excited to see where this tribal goes because the game is finally picking up speed!!!!

this game is carzy i hate it im legit. this is a video of me:

Hello I’m typing this compassionate with them with voice to text hello and say do you want to be your day because Drew Carey dick completely but now I’m scared Zach is going and I don’t want him to which is sad and I don’t know at the last round nothing at the boots that I thought he didn’t I kind a got fucked over

ok that was a disaster I give up. hi . drew carried immunity thank god. but now I’m scared Zach goes because I love Zach. umm I’m basically guaranteed merge unless I get super blindsided because I can just legacy if I think I’m going :^). I voted Matt just in case his vote steal was fake because either he lied and went home or he told the truth and lived but like the thing is Michael and drew don’t want me to tell Matt I knew so I can’t justify why I voted him to him MEANWHILE I told Bryce about it. and Bryce tells Matt he knew completely throwing that out the window but oh well. I love chloe... Bryce.. Michael.... Zach... drew..... Jared... Mitch..........I definitely forgot someone there oh RHYS.... love him and idk I think I’m good with a lot of the cast wooo because I like everyone else too 💗💗💗 when I win we won’t be shocked

The other tribe is super boring like I don’t know what’s happening and there’s like an hour and a half left so like I’m just sat here bored as shit like DO SOMETHING!

Audio might be bad, so basically, Chris has taken me under his wing as maybe his most trusted ally, and pitched me on a side vs. side type deal.

Side 1- Chris, Bryce, Loris, Zach, Mitch, Stephen, Rhys Side 2- Alyssa, Michael, Drew, Jack, Matt, Chloe

I am fully feeding into Chris' game at this point because for myself, working to advance his plan puts me in a much more powerful position than I believe he is anticipating.

Having incredibly close relationships with the Chris/Zach duo, a F2 with Bryce, an alliance with Mitch/Stephen, Rhys confiding in me about his game fears (and Rhys' thoughts being fed to me by Bryce), and an idol--- I really just need to work on Loris some more to establish myself with the most powerful position.

So, I've been very busy. But this tribal I have yet again sat back and haven't done much into it as I have been preoccupied. However it allows other people to take the heat, and I'm aware I'm not doing a lot. So I can spin it into a winning case as long as I do enough come the merge.

The vote is set to be a split on Alyssa and Jack, However Alyssa and Jack havent spoken about the vote which scares me. Which t hen puts me in a paranoid states as I've spoken to people less today. But we just made a new 5 person alliance (chris, me , jared, zach an mitch) which seems super extra if theyre planning on blindsiding me.

It is 7:18 PM and I have no idea who is going home. This is the most stressful fucking tribal I've ever been to

omg so alyssa going home wooh? she talks to me more than jack so i wish he left but like one has to leave so w/e. chris is a king i love him so much he threw for me zach is so annoying and didnt throw said he was but like he literally was trying 80% like girl just throw. i love rhys still and jared.. hope he still likes me idk we feel off. wooh yaa um like loris and i hate that michael and drew both told him about the double vote but not me like isnt that so quirky we hate those elara girls (is that the season they played)

JARED AND MITCH ARE SNAKING ME AND ALYSSA WITH THEIR NONCOMMITTAL RESPONSES I CAN FUCKING FEEL IT IM GOING HOME

________________________________________________________________

Alyssa is voted out 3-2-2.

[kristxff-bjxrgman]

TASK 001 — DIG A LITTLE DEEPER !

(Answering this as Kristoff because it’s more fun that way.)

BASIC INFORMATION.

What is your full name ? 

Kristoff Andersson Bjorgman

How is it pronounced ? 

Kris-tohf Ann-duhr-sohn Buh-your-g-man

Is there a meaning behind it ? 

Kristoff - basically Scandinavian for Christopher, which I’m told means carrier of Christ (okay...)

Andersson - son of Andrew (I don’t know who Andrew is)

Bjorgman - .....I absolutely have no idea about this one.

Do you have any nicknames ? 

Christopher (this was by Anna, when I first met her, in which I immediately corrected her), Ice Dude, Woodsy Guy, Tall Guy, Hey You, Weirdo (by my cousins)

When and where were you born ?

I am adopted, so I’m not exactly sure where, but my birth date is on May 3.

What’s your zodiac sign and what traits do you most relate to ?

Zodiac, schmodiac. I don’t really believe all that stuff. But if you really insist, they all say I’m a Taurus. That’s the bull one, right? Awesome.

Traits? Well, it says here on the Internet that Taurus men are down-to-earth, stubborn, reserved, and can be aggressive and competitive. Well, I guess that’s me alright. It also says here that Taurus men are supposed to be well-traveled and highly successful financially. Now, I highly doubt these though.... Who came up with this stuff, anyway?

Oh, but it does say that when we fall in love, we fall in love deeply and completely. Okay, that’s sounds good. And that, we’re also great at se-- *coughs* Okay, I think that’s enough for now.

What’s your nationality ?

American, but we’re basically ethnically Scandinavian.

What’s your occupation ?

The most stable job at the moment is helping out with the family’s lumber business. I mean, I’m still in college, and will continue with the family business in time. 

What gender do you identify yourself as ?

Unabashedly male.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

What’s your eye color ?

Brown

Do you wear glasses or contacts ?

No.

Hair color ?

Uh, light brown?

Have you ever dyed your hair or wanted to ?

What? No.

Height ?

Um...tall? I’m pretty sure I’m past the 6 feet mark..

Body build ?

Athletic? But also sorta slim? I mean, I dunno.

Do you have any birthmarks ? 

Nope. 

Do you have any piercings or tattoos ?

Also, nope.

If not, do you want to get some ?

Not at the moment no. I mean, I don’t think I’ll look good with them anyway.

Do you have a healthy life style ?

Yes, I’d like to think so. I mean, after all, I LOVE carrots.

How easy do you get sick ?

Not pretty easy. My mom usually says I’m like a rock. Not easy to break.

Any marks on your body ( injuries, … ) ?

I do have some small scars in my arms and also a bit on my legs. Mostly due to my mountain climbing, but nothing too serious.

What’s your personal style/how do you like to dress ?

Um, comfortable wear? I’m no fashion expert, ya know. I’ve heard others say that my style can be either a combination between ‘lumberjack and mountaineer’ or ‘exhausted college student and hobo’.

What is your favorite and least favorite feature about yourself ?

I like me. All of me. But then again, I think being taller than most people I know is a total bummer.

PERSONALITY.

Positive traits ?

Loyal. Hardworking. Resourceful. Protective. Frank and Intelligent. I can go on and on, ya know, but I think that’d be too selfish of me.

Negative traits ?

Stubborn. Introverted. Awkward. Sometimes bossy. Quirky. Shy. A loner. Well, so they say.

What do you consider to be the best and the worst part of your personality?

Loyal and protective, for my best traits. And my worst? Um, being stubborn and bossy, I guess.

Are you more extroverted or introverted ?

Introverted

Any talents ?

Expert at hiking, mountain climbing and camping. Also great at all things lumber. And ice. And a decent lute player.

What are your fears ?

Losing my family. Or Sven. Or anyone I love. *coughs*

Do they have any phobias ?

No, nothing that I can think of, no.

What is your soft spot ?

I have a soft spot for animals. Usually.

List 3 pet-peeves you can’t stand.

High prices at Oaken’s. Like, seriously man. I do not believe that carrots can be that EXPENSIVE.

Complaining about having to walk, instead of riding in a truck. Look, riding in a truck is great for travelling long-ish distances, but if it’s not that far, then we should just walk, right?

The thought of committing yourself to someone for the rest of your life, without getting to know each other THOROUGHLY first.

EDUCATION.

How far did you go in school ? Are you still studying ?

Currently a junior at college. Trying to see if I can graduate with a degree in business management.

Do/Did you like school ?

Eh, it’s alright, I guess.

What type of student are/were you ?

Let’s just say that I’m not the brightest, and I’m also not the dumbest in my class.

What is/was your favorite subject ?

I loved woodworking. And also Biology, I guess. Music too.

And your least favorite?

English, I guess.

What were you/would you have been voted as “most likely to…” in the yearbook ?

Most Likely to be a hermit and live in the woods for the rest of his life

FAMILY.

Who are your parents ? 

Clifford “Cliff” Stefan Bjorgman - adoptive father; current proprietor/manager of Bjorgman Lumber.

Hulda Inge Bjorgman - adoptive mother; a crystal “healer” in her spare time

How would you describe them ?

Well, dad is...dad. He’s cool, as far as dads go. Doesn’t really speak or socialize much, so I guess, we’re similar at that aspect. Loves the business as much as he loves us.

Mom...well, she’s a bit chattier than us boys in the family. And by chattier, I guess you could say that she and Anna get along very well. She can be quite meddlesome, but I think she only does that because she wants to take care of us, and that she just wants the best for us.

Do they have any siblings ?

No. I got TONS of cousins though.

Are they close with their family?

Oh, yes. Very.

ROMANCE & SEXUALITY.

What’s your romantic and sexual orientation ?

I guess you can say that I’m heteroromantic and heterosexual.

Are you seeing anyone right now ?

*coughs* Um... I mean... *coughs* Um, no? 

Have you ever been in an relationship ?

Well....no. Not really...?

Have they ever been in love ?

*shrugs* I guess. Maybe. Yeah, maybe you can that it’s a yes.

How easy do they fall for someone ?

Not easily. Really.

In their view, why didn’t any past relationships work out ?

*sighs* I dunno. Maybe because they just don’t understand or appreciate me the way I am...?

What do you look for in someone ?

Well, I’m just really on the lookout for someone who likes me for...well, me. If some girl can appreciate that, then heck yeah, maybe I can like her back too.

Do you believe in love at first sight ? or fate ?

Ugh. My mom is going to tease me sooo hard for this.

Falling in love at first sight. No. I believe that you get to know first before falling in love with them. After all, you’d never know if he or she picks his or her nose if you don’t get to know them better, right?

On fate... Well, I guess I slightly believe more on that. 

What’s your views on romance ? Do you go after it or avoid it ?

Oh, I mean, romance is great. I don’t exactly avoid it, but I also don’t actively chase it. I mean, I’m romantic, but on my own pace, ya know.

Did you have your first time already ? How was it in your point of view ?

*coughs* Uh, it was...alright, I guess. *coughs*

What is your view on sex ?

Sex is...great, um, okay? I mean... Why are you seriously asking me these questions though?

What are your turn ons and turn offs ?

What the---? *coughs* Okay, I’m not gonna say ‘turn on’ or ‘turn off’. Well, in girls, I like it when they are funny, and can also get my sense of humor. Also, it helps if they can tolerate me. 

Were you ever cheated on or have you cheated on someone ?

Never cheated on anyone, and no one has cheated on me...not that I know of.

Do you want to get married in the future ?

Yeah, sure. Someday.

Have kids ?

Not right now. Maybe someday.

QUIRKS.

Are you right or left handed ?

Right.

What’s a word that’s always on your lips?

What?

Is there a saying you keep on repeating ?

‘You almost set me on fire.’ 

I find myself constantly saying this when in the company of a certain someone. *coughs*

Do you curse ?

Sometimes. Secretly. I try as much as possible not to.

What’s your worst habit ? 

I...tend to smell sometimes...? *shrugs* I shower, I swear! But I guess that’s not really a habit, right? If we’re talking habits, I guess it’s my frequent preference to just...be outside. That’s a habit, right?

Do you drink or smoke ? How frequently ?

I drink...occasionally. But not that much anyway. And no, I don’t smoke.

Are they an early bird or a night owl ?

Definitely an early bird.

How tidy is your room ?

Eh...not really that tidy.

How long do you usually take getting ready in the morning ?

I like getting ready in a jiffy, so most probably, around 30 minutes tops?

FAVORITES.

What’s their favorite color ?

Shades of blue and green.

Favorite movie ?

Oh, the Lord of the Rings franchise. Definitely.

Music Genre ?

Folk.

Food ?

Um...all of it? But, the healthy ones of course.

Book ?

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Favorite non-alcoholic drink ?

Fruit juice.

Ice Cream Flavor ?

Rocky Road

Indoors or outdoors ?

Outdoors, definitely.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #10: "This is why people hate the gays” - Michael

Oh my fucking god did y’all see that tribal I was like butch it’s me I’m going like bye bye omg but NO it was simply a vote reveal and the idol WILL be mine

So a few things to go over...

One, the plan to get rid of Felix was successful and bought me and Michael another day...HOWEVER, it would appear that I was not the first person to make it to the end of the bridge, which is a shame cuz I REALLY needed this idol, but it's okay.

Because Michael is still gonna be considered a bigger threat than me, and the most likely to go home if we both don't win immunity. That being said, I'm REALLY hoping I can pull this immunity off cuz it'd just be nice to not have to worry about it being me at tribal.

i'm on highkey alert starting now.... this round (and honestly for the rest of the game) is prime time for blindsides and the waters are ripe for it... i really wouldn't be shocked if i'm targeted and have to play my idol hmph. i really really really just want to be able to use it successfully and i will feel content af with my game no matter what happens...

my plan to take out jones is slowly unfolding, i worked on ryan earlier, and got him to see jones as a ringleader.. and he wants her out soon.. which is perfect for me hehe.. i just dropped some hints here and there that she has a lot of connections.. and now he's paranoid that she's gonna bring together a group of michael/david/mo/ahrre... which is perfect for me since i can use him to take her out... funny enough im not sure when i should take out ryan, he's definitely a threat going forward... but if i play my cards right i can take both of them out because i'm also painting ryan as a big target to some of the others hehe.. im trying not to overplay rn bc my ass is not on the line for votes currently, one misstep and I'm gone

im so mad.. rn LMAOAOAOAO like. jones is overplaying as hell n i want michael gone SOOOOOO BAD but i gotta be fake af.. almsldndg

me n ryan r the best duo tho like.. i think ive convinced everyone thet we arent as together as they think umu

So Felix went home. Which I knew about despite voting for Michael. I thought it was gonna be like 5-5 and tobi was considering to flip to avoid rocks. I didnt want Felix gone personally so I sent in a vote for Michael knowing it wouldnt change the outcome.

Jones is really overplaying wanting this next vote to be a split vote. Like no its 3-3-3 that way. THATS NOT SAFE. ITS ASKING for someone to flip. NO. Jones is going home this round or next round. Thats the T.

extra shit.. me tobi rhys ryan are all mad susp of miss jones and i think im tryna convince all of them to stick wth her plans until f7 and us 4 can cut her ass out of the equation :) yayayaya im excited. girl deserves it after her overplaying last week as much as i love her

Wiggling my way out of danger was a huge success, now i'm just hoping to lay low and not cause much drama and basically let the larger players; David, Rhys, Jones take one another out which will allow me to hopefully slip through the cracks and make it far.

nvm idk how to feel ab my position anymore ignore all previous confessionals that i praise myself LMAOAOAOAOA

It’s critical that I try my best to win immunities since my name and David’s is on the line and I’d rather he’d go than me. My best plan is to use Jones to my advantage she has a lot of sway with the other side and by playing off her need to be the leader and to have power to keep me in this game. Everybody wants power and everyone wants control and if Jones thinks that she has control over both sides of the tribe then she’s not gonna get suspicious and take me out.

So I’m a little disheartened by the touchy subjects results. I won “the biggest goat” and “who doesn’t deserve to be here” and it sucks because these people are my friends and I guess most of them think this. But water off a ducks back, I’m going to smile and keep moving forward. I wanna win.

Another day another update. So from were we left off Felix did end up going home good shit he didn't have an idol. He did play the vote reveal thing but I doubt that changed anything in the slightlest lel. That attempt from Scott to save face by also voting Felix is cute tho hehe.

Anyhow so after that we went to touchy subjects which tbh I was waiting because that would be an opening in my game. So Ryan and Rhys think I'm a goat which it's not suprising considering they're the ones I talk to the least. However most importantly Mo was picked as the goat by the most people.

Now this is a tough game and everyone is putting a lot of effort into it so imo it's not easy to point out a goat and Mo is understandably feeling down because he's as much into this game as everyone else. So I knew this was my opportunity to make a move because Mo will be wanting to prove himself to others so if I'm gonna try something this is my best oportunity to get his vote.

Now I grab Michael and David as well who are in a desperate spot and BAM we have the underground boys. So now the plan is simple. Tobi told me they want to split the votes between Mo and Michael in case Michael has an idol, so we get them to split then Mo and me flip and hopefully get someone.

That someone should be Ryan IMO because he's def a duo with rhys and even a stronger duo with Scott. So birds one stone. Plus he called me a goat so hey thre's that :)

lmfao i'm getting dead silence from half the tribe and totally awkward conversation from Jones... definitely getting the vibe that i'm the target. I know Scott got tea from Tobi that Jones has concocted some scheme to split the vote on me and/or rhys or something to that extent? idek i need the full picture tomorrow but lol. should be a fun show no matter what happens

Ok so Michael, David, Fabricio and I formed an alliance because were kind of on the outs. I know this is weird because I had rough pasts with all of them but I really like this alliance. Now, do I trust Michael? Absolutely fucking not, he already lowkey threw me under the bus after the alliance was made. By telling Jones I told him. So I want him gone soon.

bih.. i aint in the mood today at all..

first of all last night touchy subjects. david wins lol x. i get most trusted n least trusted bc thats a thing ig. werk mama.

then to make matters worse... miss jones wants to split on either me or ryan incase michael idols ...

n now ive told tobi abou  t my idol n idk why im just feelin quirky n cool lol

I have to laugh... this game gets wilder by the minute... my position right now is really fragile but its good if i play it right... right now i have a lot of influence over what happens hehe... like i swear to god i feel cocky but lets review some things. 1. Jones is wrapped around my finger... i've been playing this whole super supportive ally and she even gave us the name "kermit and miss piggy" for our duo (me being miss piggy obv) and i've been working hard on her.. i got her to realize michael was actually super manipulating and was using her for a lot of things.. which is funny because that's exactly what im doing to her... she even showed me some stuff he wrote to her and i was consistently telling her that im trying to protect her from being manipulated by him... i swear to god im evil HAHA and like i love her and all but she's a huge social threat and if i see a clear shot im gonna take her out 2. scott scott scott... we were sharing idol guesses a few days ago and he went ghost on me on the guesses... i had suspicions that he was close to getting/had the idol... AND HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE HAD IT I WAS LIKE OMGGG like this made me SO relieved because that means that i don't have to worry about the merge idol popping up without me knowing, but after i leaked his idol in Saint Vincent i have NO idea why he told me again... like this obv makes me wanna take him out and do stuff but im not gonna leak it again... i think. But like im not here to play fiddle to him... im here to win and if i have to take him out later i will... but the thing is that i don't know when a good time to take him out is, if im in f6 with a bunch of goats, the target is gonna be on me... so i have to think more about what im gonna do about him 3. ryan... i haven't been working hard on him, but he did come up to me with a plan to get me, him, rhys, and scott to the f4 like omg thats pretty iconic but going to f4 with a challenge beast like ryan? i have to laugh... im not stupid... challenge beasts have been the bane of my org career and im not about to let it happen again here... i have a lot on my plate right now, and im playing hard, but what's lovely is that i dont think im a threat to anyone? at least in comparison to the scott/ryan/jones clusterfuck that im gonna try to orchestrate, im lowkey... i swear to god if i actually pull this shit off.... my mind... but then again i might just flop again like usual so who knows hehe

now that ik my name has been thrown out im so nerv ALMFNHFg like i dnt wanna be blindsided 5-4 o.o but uhm i hope for the best n hopefully im smart enuff to play idol ?

i just want jones gone is that so much to ask

idk How to make confessionals apparently Bc I KEEP FORGETTING AHHH Michael comes to me right after the Felix vote and says “hey David crossed the bridge the idol’s gone” and I’m like MOTHERFUCKER. I WAS THIS FUCKING CLOSE. And it obviously scared me because either of them could be lying and one of them could have the idol. And I OF COURSE PANICKED. The next day I went to try and cross the bridge (Bc I was on 90) and I ACTUALLY DID IT!!! but guess what,,,,, THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!! HORRAY!! Idk what I’d do with myself if I got an idol tbh,, that shits scary. But yeah knowing that the idol is gone AND THAT I heard it from Michael first is hella scary and that could mean 3 things - A) theyre felling the truth and it’s gone, B) Michael’s a liar and Has it, or C) David lied to Michael and David has the idol. So right now this information is fucking with my head. And it’s deeeefinitely going to in the next vote.

So David wins immunity and I’m not THAT bothered by it? Of course it just makes things harder for everyone else Bc the original plan was to split between Michael and David, BUT NOW WE CANT. Either way Michael has to go home. He has a really terrible way of getting into everyone’s head and it’s not good for anyone. Plus if he makes it to the end he has such a good chance at winning with an underdog story it’s not even funny ajddjkf. BUT Theres still the possibility that one of those two has an idol, and we really have to think wisely on who would go in case that happens. Tobi thinks Mo is the safer move, but I really don’t think there’s a point in getting rid of someone that everyone thinks of as a sheep. Plus I’d like to sit with him in the end soooooo yeah. My personal preference on who the “blindside target” would be is Ryan. I love him to DEATH and Sweyn to the end, but he’s a challenge threat, and we have to pick off Sweyn eventually if the Muppet alliance wants to be victorious. Michael and david are already on board with getting him out anyway Bc they think he and Rhys are “tight” lol. But right now the vote split should be 7-2 on Michael as far as I know, there’s a solid chance that Mo will get a vote and if he does I’ll actually DIE. Also /according to Michael/, he said that Mo came to him and told him was voting for Michael. AND LIKE THATS THE THING MICHAEL IS PLANTING SEEDS IN MY HEAD THAT MO ISnt some I can trust and that /scares me/ which is why he has to go. If the tribal goes right, Michael goes, if Michael plays an idol, Ryan goes. If it’s a tie between Ryan and Mo, Ryan goes.,,, hopefully.

So, Touchy Subjects, Im almost irrelevant, atleast im honest.

Anyway, The vote plan is Michael. However Jones is scared of an idol. I dont really want to split a vote but Jones is persistant on it. Ive been talking with people and apprently the split vote is on Mo.

However I talk to Ahrre and he knows this information too? Im on the bottom of whatever this is. Like I NEVER hear stuff first. I NEVER feel like I acctually know whats going on.

So to be honest. I dont feel like im going to win. Atleast not on this path. So I need to take a peck at the leader. Jones. Mo and Ahrre are said to be in her pocket. This is bad for 2 reasons. Jones has more power, and they arent doing much thus will be dragged to the end. So removing power, and increasing my odds of getting to the end will be great.

So the split vote is set to be 5-2-2. However, I can safely tell Michael that its 2 on Mo. So Michael & David both vote Mo. This is 5-4. We just need 1 flip to make this happen. So that could either be me, changing my vote to Mo. Perhaps someone else could flip beside me. Fingers crossed.

So it seems like once again I am getting voted and with the amount of idols and such out there it’s getting more and more scary being this bitch who’s constantly getting voted because at any point I’m either getting the majority or I’m getting idolled out. I’m just hoping and praying that everything goes well and I need to start winning immunity

i like don't know what's happening fahsdfhas. i kinda snapped and messaged michael for some reason, i think to see if he was gonna vote me.. and i kinda told him/he asked and i confirmed that there's a split plan in motion and he told me him/david are voting Mo and i was like well if you don't want me out i don't want you out... and Scott tells me he heard throuoght the grapevine (from tobi who heard from ahrre who was told by michael fjasld) that Michael said it was RHYS that let him know??? i'm. so idk faksdjf but i'm floundering a bit tbh. there's like less than 3 hrs until tribal so i hope i figure out concretely whats gonna happen

Alright so let's go through a couple of things.

I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Omg, it felt so good to get redemption after losing this same challenge in my first org. (I got the tiebreaker there too and was WAY off, LOL fuck me) And anyways, it feels good to not have to worry about it being me tonight and to have a spot in the final 8. Hopefully this shows people that I've BEEN here to friggin play.

So now as it stands for tribal tonight...myself, Michael, Mo and Ahrre are gonna vote Ryan out. The other side are planning to split their votes 3 for Michael and 2 for Mo cuz they think Ahrre and Mo are voting for Michael. If all goes well and no idols get played, then we're in for the biggest power shift this season has seen and I cannot wait to be a part of that shift, cuz it's FUCKING GO TIME BABY

ugh the idol paranoia i'm having rn........ i can't if i go home w the idol im gonna hate myself n if i misplay the idol im gonna hate myself jlskhfd like this vote is so uncertain to me.. i could be overthinking but i just dk... so like i almost want to just be messy and get the other 5's votes on me and idol myself…

ok so messy ryan jumped out and acted on his idolinpocket paranoia flaksdhf. i talked to both mo and michael and threw jones under the bus pretty bluntly.. mo seemed to already knoow that jones created the split plan w him as the vote, and is just acting like he thinks he's going home so idk if thats genuine or not. michael on the other hand, seems genuinely thinking it was between him or mo and now wants to get ahrre and me to vote mo with him and david and rhys who already voted mo. fladfjas so i've realized i was highkey overthinking but. this is interesting

Right so idek where I left off but I think it was right after the underground boys were formed. Anyhow so Jones was weary of ryan so she thought about voting him, thing is he only wanted him as a backup plan in case Michael played an idol because everyone and their mums want him dead at the end of the day I guess.

So I'm like ok let's get michael and david to vote ryan with us and then while one of us still votes michael to make it a 4-3-2, (without letting her know Mo was with us and that I would vote ryan anyways lel) but then she freaked out and so did everyone really and they suddenly didn't want to split anymore and everyone was voting Michael.

However I managed to convince Tobi (and by proxy the rest of sweyn cause let's face it tobi is on top of this game that's another guy I've got to get rid of) to split the vote anyways, so as it stands Tobi and Rhys are voting Mo and Ryan Scott and Jones are voting Michael. But the thing is that they think Mo and me are also voting Michael but in reality we're gonna vote Ryan so it SHOULD be 4 votes Ryan 3 Michael and 2 Mo.

Now my worry is that if Ryan plays an idol it all goes to shit but I'm trying my hardest to make sure he doesn't know. Anyhow let's see how this plays out.

It doesn’t feel good to be facing elimination especially now that jones is voting me. Any slight deviation from the plan for anyone could lead to my elimination but I hope that now ryan is voting mo that I might just scrape by once again and with jones’ Transparent game she shouldn’t be Long behind Ryan.

lmao so they (michael, david, ahrre, mo) tried to pull off a rly good move flipping their votes onto me. and if only rhys hadn't had to sleep early and didnt vote Mo, I'd be sitting pretty but they did that.... unfortunately for them, apparently Jones fucked up heavily and immediately voted Michael in the revote? did i hear that correctly? KLFSJLDFHS WIG. i kinda feel bad bc... i really should be leaving here but.... wig. I had done some campaigning to Mo before I found this out and think i was making some good groundwork to get him to keep me and he was at least oon the fence, so i might have had a shot even if jones were gonna vote me. but wig.. if she really did that, then that means me and scott have made the final 8 and we still have 2 idols in our pockets WHEW. big moves is coming ladies

This is why people hate the gays smh. Please be ryan please be ryan please be ryan go home Ry ry

ugh can't believe my best friend michael is leaving tonight ): LMSHNBG am i fuck..

legit im sooooo happy ryan is staying altho a little peeved as well tbh.. i coulda had 2 idols :flushed: but i wont complain.............

anyway. i still think jones is crazy n her idea of trying to get me to flip on ryan is absolutely absurd ALMJFNFG like bitch.. i know im on the bottom if i flip im not dumb why do u think i didnt vote mo like u told me to lAMNFHBFG IJS!!

i just gotta win immunity next week n im confirmed at least f5? hopefully? LAMNHFBFG like. i dont wanna. be tied on. and i wanna keep this idol for the l0ong haul. which is why i told ryan and tobi. oooop. LAMNJHBFG.

PROB NOT A GOOD IDEA TELLING TOBI but i rly do trust him this time around... he gives me legit all the tea n i do the same back :flushed:

lolll i lvoe having the worst jury management :))) love sticking to sides :)))) like i aint gunna clear that perception up by voting ryan suck my dick he trusts me and thats all i care about..

like. im gunna be hounded on for not flipping to a side who wants me out n thats so annoying!! i rly cant win aLMFHFG. these cunts can fuck off idc ill argue with every single one of them

michael... he's a cockroach... he wont just DIE like there have been so many times where there was something stopping him from leaving... last round jones wanted felix so we obliged and now its this stupid tie revote kjflkjdf like this is exactly why i wanted him out earlier... getting numbers against him is gonna be hard and i really hope his ass leaves in the revote... he should anyway hehe.. i have a few options going forward and i feel like i could possibly do a lot but the question is do i want to be doing a lot??? if people start thinking that im a threat then shit LMAO but the thing is there are so many goats and pawns (mo, ahrre, david) that if you do anything significant, your threat level is obvious and like i want to take out some of the threats but im worried if i take out too many,,, the goats will become sentient and take my ass out... i just need to take this one vote at a time while planning for the future its simple :^)

ITS BEEN A MESSY 24 HOURS AND HERES THE FUCKING TEA so the vote ended up being a tie. NOT THE ONE I PREDICTED. It ended up being a Michael/Ryan tie. AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER AJ EXPLAINS THE RULES MICHAEL BLOWS UP MY WHOLE FUCKING GAME (almost.) he says “Jones you orchestrated this vote follow through with it” AND IM???? LITERALLY??? Ryan was never a target of mine,,, never the main target I mean BUT NEVER A TARGET. David Mo and Michael all told me that Ryan was gunning for me though,, but that was AFTEr I revoted for Michael sooooooooo that’s the tea. But like,, Michael is,, kind of being an asshole. Very much so. I feel like he’s taking advantage of my emotions to try and manipulate me into Saving him, but I really wouldn’t mind if either him or Ryan went?? Preferably Michael obviously lol. He was never someone I wanted to take to the end anyway, so it’s better to get rid of him while we can lol. Also!!? That dumbass shit that Michael said on hangouts??? Rhys and Ryan made a whole ass 180 in our relationship Bc THEY THOUGHT I VOTED FOR RYAN BC OF WHAT MICHAEL SAID AKDJKDFNJF. Thank god I was actually able to work it out with them, but like,,, fuck that scared me. This is why Michael needs to go Bc he’s a loose cannon and will DESTROY MY GAME. OFF WITH HIS FUCKING HEAD

i finally understand why no one respects Mo as a player lol, he really has no back bone of his own at all..

The vote ties 4-4-1, and Michael is sent home 4-3 after a revote.

[stalepotato-blog]

if anybody is actually taking time out of their day to read this stupid blog, let me save you some time.

just stop.     close the tab.    and go on youtube or something.

no but for real tho. just stop and turn around. 

there is nothing interesting on here for you to see. im just writing to myself cause im a loser and im trying to keep a journal of my thoughts on a day to day basis...at least i hope.

my friend told me to start the journal cause she said that it would help me deal with my life and just vent. also i feel like i can sort my feelings out better when i talk about myself.....soooooo yeah. i guess lets start with my past.

im currently 18 years old, im just not going to put my name on here cause what the heck is the point its to myself. but anyway im 18 years old. im korean. i was born in korea but my family and i moved to the states before i was even 1 so i consider myself pretty american....then again i hate the sound of american so i like to call myself korean even though i hate korean culture...you’ll see why later. i grew up in a pretty conservative household..i think? just think of any stereotypical asian household and that would be my own household. its was the usual...no girls, no drugs, no alcohol. i also went to church pretty often and considered myself pretty devout, so i didnt care too much about that stuff anyway.......except for girls. i was horny.

i spent most of my life growing up in southern california about 30 minutes from LA. it was pretty chill. i lived in the suburbs of a pretty safe neighborhood, the cops were so bored all he time that dealing with a car crash probably got them off. i went to elementary school, middle school, and high school all within a 5 mile radius of my house. which was convenient but there was nothing to do besides go to school...and go eat. which i did a lot. which is why im fat. oh. i forgot to describe my appearance. im a guy. 5′ 4′’. chubs. really small eyes. black hair. used to think i had broad shoulders but then one of my friends told me that im playing myself. so i stopped thinking that. 

damn i have hiccups, 

anyway where was I? oh yeah school. uhhhhhh school was alright. was a little rough at first..little kids can be mean lol but i go over it very quickly. i used middle school to try to change myself completely. i stopped crying. i lost some weight. i liked to play basketball and run so i did that a lot with my best friend. oh yeah my best friend. uhhh i met my first really close friend in elementary school. i was tired of kids making fun of me in elementary so put that anger out onto other people... aka my best friend. i bullied him and made fun of his buzz lightyear sweater he liked to wear by pretending that i was buzz lightyear in class. yeah i was a dick i know, but i was in like 5th grade, chill. he is basically everything physically that i am not. he was real lean. athletic and strong but it didnt show too much cause he was thin. oh and he was really tall. think he was like 5′ 8′’ by the end of elementary. he got back at me by making fun of my weight and height, so i consider us pretty even. i dont remember if we ever apologized to each other exactly but we probably did. we’re good now. although we still make fun of each other. its funny. 13 years later, we’re still friends.

at around around the same time i met m other best friend, ahhhh, not sure so much about best anymore but shes close to me and i care about her. i met her in elementary school, but we didnt really talk then, later i found out that she was actually sexist in elementary school and she didnt hang around guys cause well. she hated them? i forget the reason why, she just disliked them. but in middle school she walked every day home with me and my best bud. our houses were pretty close to each other so we it was nice to walk together. at first she avoided us too, but then she started hanging with us two and that was the first time she really talked to guys and had fun so she stuck around. but thats not the only thing. i dont know how to describe her, but she really isnt your normal type of girl. she very quirky. reallllllly short like 4′ 6′’ or something like that, she had really long hair, which i thought was cute..until she chopped it off like halfway through middle school. but at the end of the day. this girl was weird. for example. my and me best bud first noticed that she also walked home a few days into the semester, but when we saw her, she was stealing one of those flowers next to like plaza signs to make them look better? you know what im talking about? my bud and i were walking up to her and she was staring at the flower and she tried to take only one flower but ended up uprooting the whole damn thing. by this time my friend and i had caught up to her and we were just staring at her without saying a word. then this girl breaks the silence by looking at my bud an saying ‘hey. cut this bottle for me yeah?’ then she flashed us a smile and proceeded to pull a 2 liter bottle out of her backpack along with a pair of kitchen scissors out of her backpack....lets just stop there. what. the. heck? i mean like am i weird for thinking thats weird? that pretty weird....anyway she hands off the bottle to my friend and the scissors. and he just looks at me and says okay and cut the bottle in half. she placed the plant into the bottle and then started walking with us. and from tha point on she just kept walking home with us. now as usual, since we were all teens, with the whole puberty and emotions thing going on and also of the opposite gender we eventually liked each other... but in more like of a weird third wheel...ahhh... i dont even want to call it third wheel. it felt like a bicycle or like a motorcycle with one of those side car thingys........... ..... .... its complicated. in case you were wondering i was the extra part.. the extra wheel so to speak. but thatttttttttttttttttttt is a story for another time. maybe my next post. i feel like this post was a bit long but its my first one so what the hell. guesss this is the end..buhbai.

oh and on a side note. what i said earlier on the whole because we of the opposite gender so we started liking each other thing. dont give me any crap about how thats inconsiderate towards gay people and all that. i dont have anything against gay people, but im just trying to describe my own experience of my past without adding politically correct crap and all that social justice comments. i can live without others judging me on my own blog. 

then again. who the hell is going to actually read this.