#also gender is an experience and a vibe and a presence not a definition

[crushed-gh0st]

any other autistic individual in a weird relationship with gender?

gender, for a lot of people, is tied to social norms and expectations, but if you don’t naturally perceive or experience those the same way, then it’s like trying to navigate a maze you were never meant to be in. and when you don’t even feel entirely human to begin with? that just adds another layer of what the hell am i even doing here.

and i, for one, genuinely have such a complicated relationship with it. like i wanna look ethereal and i want my gender representation to confuse people and genuinely think "what the hell is that." when they look at me. but i also want them to go all "dude", "guy" and "man" with me naturally. like.... i'm comfortable being a man. but i also want you to not be comfortable with me being a man. does that make sense?

the idea of being masculine but in an untamed, elemental way, like an ancient tree or a celestial being. it's not about traditional manhood, but about being a presence, a force, a concept that exists outside of rigid definitions.

if anyone asks me next time, i'll just tell them my gender is "ancient and vaguely menacing but also kind of comforting in a way you can’t and shouldn't explain."

or "have you ever found a really a cool rock? or the best stick of your life? a dead animal by the side of the road with it's rotting carcass looking weirdly peaceful? yep, that's me dude."

OR "liminal space but make it dude."

OMG EVEN BETTER "forbidden knowledge but in a bro way"

i'm a man, but not in the way you expect. a man the way a mountain is a he. the way a forgotten god in a half-ruined shrine is a he. the way a wolf that lets you get just close enough before vanishing into the trees is a he. the way you refer to literally ANYTHING as a he when you don't know their sex.

it’s the feeling of standing at the edge of a cliff at night, hoodie on, hands in pockets, staring into the void like, sup.

a little unsettling, but in a way that makes people want to grab a beer with it.

maybe my gender isn’t a thing that can be named in human terms. maybe it’s a shifting, untamed presence: something old and strange, like the sound of wind through abandoned places or the way certain forests feel like they remember you.

maybe your gender isn’t meant to be understood either. it just is.

be yourself. be weird.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: Queer science fiction, part 1

There is a lot of queer sf out there, and I read a lot of sf. When I started working on this list, I quickly realized it was impossible to include all that I've read and enjoyed in one single rec post. Thus, this is the first of so far three queer sci-fi book rec posts.

A note: queer here does not necessarily mean "guarantee of an f/f or m/m ship with a happy ending", but rather simply a significant presence of queerness. Some of the books feature no romance but has a same gender attracted/trans/a-spectrum lead, or features an m/f relationship with bisexual, trans or aro/ace characters, or simply features a world-building which is heavily queer inclusive in ways that don't always compare to our own ideas of sexuality and gender. I have however disqualified works where the only queer presence is along the lines of "gay best friend" or a blink and you'll miss it confirmation that never comes up again.

Previous book rec posts:

Really cool fantasy worldbuilding, really cool sci-fi worldbuilding, dark sapphic romances, mermaid books, vampire books, many worlds: portal fantasies, many worlds: alternate timelines, robots and artificial intelligences, post- and transhumanism, alien intelligences

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley*

Dietz is a soldier in the war between Earth and Mars - to travel to the battle front, she and her fellow soldiers are broken down into light to be able to quickly travel across space. But something keeps going wrong with Dietz's travels; her memories don't match up with the mission briefs, as she experiences time itself turning in on itself. Is she going mad? Or are the things she's learning skipping through time the truth - and the war that's stealing her life the lie? A mindfuck of a book that's scathing in its critique of fascism and war. Features a sapphic lead but no romance.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built (Monk and Robot duology) by Becky Chambers

Novella. Long ago, robots, upon gaining sentience, simply laid down their work and walked into the wilderness. Long after, a tea monk looking for purpose follows after them into the wilds, where they come across one of the robots seeking its own sort of answers. While not plotless, this story focuses more on character and vibes over plot. Also has a nonbinary main character and features conversations on gender between human and robot.

Meet Me In Another Life by Catriona Silvey*

Thora and Santi are strangers, brought together by a coincidence and torn apart just as abruptly when tragedy strikes. But this is neither the first nor the last time they meet - again and again they encounter each other, as friends, lovers, enemies, family, every time recognizing in each other a familiarity no one else carries. But with every new life, a mysterious danger grows ever closer, forcing them to find out the truth of their connection. This is a puzzle-box of a story that goes some entirely unexpected places in a very wild ride, featuring a bisexual co-lead.

The Archive Undying (The Downworld Sequence) by Emma Mieko Candon

In a world where AI gods sometimes lose their minds and take entire populations down with them, Sunai was the only survivor when his god went down. In the 17 years since, he has wandered on his own, unable to either die or age, drowning his sorrows in drink and men. But his attempts to flee his past comes to a stop as he is forced back into the struggle between man and machine. Featuring some pretty wild world building and narrative techniques, this book will definitely confuse you, but it is worth the experience.

The Paradox Hotel by Rob Hart

January Cole works security at the Paradox Hotel, last stop for tourists heading for the timeport, which allows them to travel to and witness any moment in time. But years of proximity to the timeport has left its damage on January, making her unstuck in time, letting her relive memories of her dead lover even as her sanity slips away bit by bit. As she starts witnessing proof of a horrible crime in the hotel that no one else can see, January must race against her own mind, a killer, and time itself to solve it before it's too late.

A Fractured Infinity by Nathan Tavares

Hayes Figueiredo is a struggling film-maker who wants to finish his documentary, whose life gets turned upside down when handsome physicist Yusuf Hassan enters his life, claiming an alternate version of him is a great inventor who’s sent a mysterious device to their universe. As Hayes gets drawn deeper into the conspiracy - and his feelings for Yusuf intensify - he has to decide just how far he’s prepared to go to win the life and the love he wants. Featuring a very gay and very morally dubious lead, this is a creative and strange read.

Bridge by Lauren Beukes

When she was little, Bridge and her mother Jo used to play a game - one where they traveled to other worlds, inhabiting the bodies of their other selves. Now Jo is dead, and as Bridge is cleaning out her apartment she finds a strange device: a dreamworm, the very thing that supposedly makes inter-dimensional travel possible. Suddenly faced with the possibility that multiverse travel is real, Bridge is struck by a different question: could her mother still be alive? Scifi spiced with a healthy dose of body horror and some absolutely wild twists, Bridge also features a bisexual lead (however this is a blink and you’ll miss it moment) and a nonbinary co-narrator.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (Wayfarers series) by Becky Chambers

Rosemary Harper just got a job on the motley crew of the Wayfarer, a spaceship that works with tunneling new wormholes through space. With a past she wants to leave behind, Rosemary is happy to travel the far reaches of the universe with the chaotic crew, but when they land the job of a life time, things suddenly get a lot more dangerous. A bit of a tumblr classic in its day, this is a cozy space opera with an episodic feel and vividly realized characters and cultures. While pretty light on romance and focusing found family, there is a main f/f relationship.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

Life on the lower decks of the generation ship HSS Matilda is hard for Aster, an outcast even among outcasts, trying to survive in a system not dissimilar to the old antebellum South. The ship's leaders have imposed harsh restrictions on their darker skinned people, using them as an oppressed work force as they travel toward their supposed Promised Land. But as Aster finds a link between the death of the ship's sovereign and the suicide of her own mother, she realizes there may be a way off the ship.

Ninefox Gambit (The Machineries of Empire trilogy) by Yoon Ha Lee*

Military space opera where belief and culture shape the laws of reality, causing all kinds of atrocities as empires do everything in their power to force as many people as possible to conform to their way of life to strengthen their technology and weapons. It’s also very queer, with gay, lesbian and trans major characters, albeit little to no romance.

The Left Hand of Darkness (Hainish Cycle) by Ursula K. Le Guin

1969 classic. Genly Ai is an emissary sent to the planet of Winter, meant to help facilitate Winter's inclusion in a growing intergalactic civilization. But he's unprepared for Winter's citizens, who spend much of their time genderless or switching between genders, making for a culture wildly different from that Genly is used to.

Too Like the Lightning (Terra Ignota series) by Ada Palmer*

Centuries in the future, humanity has deliberatly engineered society to be as utopian as possible, politically, socially, sexually, religiously. Written in an enlightenment style and featuring questions of human nature and whether it’s possible to change it, and what price we’re prepared to pay for peace, this book is simultaneously very heavy and very funny, and written in a very unique style. While still human, the society presented often feels starkly alien.

The Stars Are Legion by Kameron Hurley

This book fucked me up when I read it. It’s weird, it’s gross, there’s So Much Viscera, there are literally no men, it has living spaceships and biotech but in the most horrific way imaginable. Had I to categorize it I would call it grimdark military sf. It’s an experience but not necessarily a pleasant one.

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling*

Possibly one of the most unsettling books I’ve ever read, and definitely the most claustrophobic. Gyre, a caver on an alien planet, ventures into the dark and dangerous underground, guided only by a woman who has no compunctions on using and manipulating Gyre as she sees fit to obtain her secretive goals down in the caves.

Escaping Exodus (Escaping Exodus series) by Nicky Drayden

While my feelings on Escaping Exodus were mixed, it cannot be denied that the dynamic between the two leads and the way they go from childhood best friends to enemies on different sides of a class and power struggle is very delicious. It also features some really cool worldbuilding of living, alien generation spaceships and the human culture that has developed inside them.

The Doors of Eden by Adrian Tchaikovsky*

The Doors of Eden is something of an experiment in speculative biology, featuring versions of Earth in which various different species were the one to rise to sentience, from dinosaurs to neanderthals. Now, something is threatening the existence of all timelines, dragging multiple different people and species into the struggle, among those a pair of cryptid hunting girlfriends and a transgender scientist.

Ascension by Jacqueline Koyanagi

Ascension follows Alana Quick, an expert Sky Surgeon who stows away on a spaceship in hopes of landing herself a job. But the ship and its crew are in deeper waters than she expected, facing threats emerging from a whole other universe, all of them searching for the same person: Alana’s spiritually enlightened sister. Undeniably a bit of an odd read, Ascension is also very creative and features polyamorous lesbian relationship.

Contagion (Contagion duology) by Erin Bowman*

Young adult. After receiving an SOS, a small crew is sent on a standard search-and-rescue mission. But what they find are not survivors awaiting help, but an abandoned site, full of dead bodies and crawling with something... monstrous. No romance, but features one sapphic co-lead and one who can easily be read as demisexual (however this doesn't show up until book two, which has more romance).

A Memory Called Empire (Texicalaan duology) by Arkady Martine

Mahit Dzmare is an ambassador sent to the center of the multi-system Teixcalaanli Empire, where she discovers that her predecessor has died. Trying to protect her home, an independent mining station, from being taken over by the empire, Mahit struggles to find out the truth of her predecessor's death while carrying the voice of his ghost in her head, guiding her as best he can. Light on the romance but does feature a sapphic relationship.

The Outside (The Outside trilogy) by Ada Hoffman*

AKA the book the put me in an existenial crisis. Souls are real, and they are used to feed AI gods in this lovecraftian inspired scifi where reality is warped and artifical gods stand against real, unfathomable ones. Autistic scientist Yasira is accused of heresy and, to save her eternal soul, is recruited by post-human cybernetic ‘angels’ to help hunt down her own former mentor, who is threatening to tear reality itself apart. Sapphic main character.

Dawn (Xenogenesis trilogy) by Octavia E. Butler*

After a devestating war leaves humanity on the brink of extinction, survivor Lilith finds herself waking up naked and alone in a strange room. She’s been rescued by the Oankali, who have arrived just in time to save the human race. But there’s a price to survival, and it might be humanity itself. Absolutely fucked up I love it I once had to drop the book mid read to stare at the ceiling and exclaim in horror at what was going on. Queer in the sense that the Oankali doesn't follow human ideas of gender and relationships, which is mirrored in their romantic relationships with humans. It is, however, pretty dark, with examinations of agency and consent, so enter with caution.

Remnant by Kate Genet

One day, Cass wakes up and finds everyone else is gone. Not dead, just gone, leaving her in a world which nature starts taking back with a dangerous, unnatural speed. But as she tries to survive this new normal, Cass realizes she may not be alone after all - but who else is out there, and are they a threat?

The Scorpion Rules (Prisoners of Peace duology) by Erin Bow*

Young Adult. Featuring a dystopian future in which an AI forcibly keeps world peace by holding the children of world leaders hostage. If anyone attempts to start a war, their child will be executed. Greta is one of these children, kept in a school with others like her. But things start to change one day when a new, less obedient hostage arrives. A unique, slowburn take on the YA dystopian craze, also featuring a bisexual love triangle.

Iron Widow (Iron Widow series) by Xiran Jay Zhao

Young adult. Zetian is a citizen of Huaxia, where mecha aliens are constantly trying to breach the Great Wall. To keep them at bay, couples of men and women pilot so called Chrysalises, giant transforming robots. But the pilots are not equal - the women almost always die, sucked dry by their co-pilots. When Zetian sets herself up to become a concubine-pilot, she does so with the plan to assassinate the male pilot who caused her sister's death. Features a polyamorous main relationship.

Bonus AKA I haven't read these yet but they seem really cool:

Survival Instincts by May Dawney

Lynn Tanner has been surviving the post-apocalypse alone with only her dog for a long time, trusting no one. But when she's forced to travel the dangerous remains of New York City alongside another woman, her priorities are challenged. Is staying alone really the best way to stay alive?

These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs

When con-artist Jun Ironway gets her hands on possible proof of the powerful Nightfoot family, controllers of interplanetary travel, committing genocide, she has in her hands a chance of taking them and their monopoly down. But the family and their allies won't go down easily, and sends two brutal clerics to stop her.

Everfair by Nisi Shawl

A neo-victorian alternate history, in which a part of Congo was kept safe from colonisation, becoming Everfair, a safe haven for both the people of Congo and former slaves returning from America. Here they must struggle to keep this home safe for them all.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

hello mr skyen... might i ask for opinions... for an elise thing im doing

Oh, this is interesting! I am not 100% sure what kind of opinion you're looking for - is this meant to be a skin idea or a full-scale redesign of the character? I'll give you some thoughts, with the caveat that these are off-the-dome impulsive reactions, and whatever I bring up is not meant to be prescriptive "this is wrong do it different" criticisms, they're just me bouncing ideas off of what you are presenting.

If anything I say is useful, then hooray. If it is not, or if it misses the point of what you are trying to do, please discard it without a second thought.

Bringing in some 1920s and 30s fashion energy is an interesting idea. Elise is meant to be this high society socialite who has literally been around for centuries and killing people, so there is definitely a solid idea in using an aesthetic which would be olde timey to modern eyes, but also a bit anachronistic and odd and instinctively a bit out of place in a high fantasy military state like Noxus. I think that's really interesting, and definitely more interesting than the somewhat directionless black leather lingerie her base design keeps her in.

We're playing around with gender presentation it looks like, which I think is a really solid play. Elise is generally presented as a fairly standard type busty sexy video game babe in League of Legends, with Legends of Runeterra opting to show her as a bit more spindly and flat chested. I think her general archetype definitely requires a level of sexiness, sensuality and seductiveness, she is an archetypal Black Widow character, but I don't think that means she necessarily needs to be stereotypically femme in body and presentation. Plus, the LoL universe has more than enough classic femme fatales already, anything that adds variety would be good.

I very much like the red and black fashion - she looks very credibly like an eccentric Noxian socialite, especially in the first two outfits.

I kinda feel like I'm missing something up around her collarbone and chest? A necklace? Tattoo? Cosmetic? I can see the idea of having the collar be exposed flesh for the allure of it, but I feel instinctively like it's conspicuously "empty" next to the highly made up and elaborate makeup and hair, and then the fashionable costuming.

Given that Elise is a transforming character, you could futz around a bit with her proportions? The shoes extend her legs by lengthening into points already, which is a good thing to carry over from the base design, but I think given the importance of long spindly legs to spiders, you could push it even further. think something like Bayonetta for example:

additionally, you could use something like a wrap-around collar, or a necklace, to play around with extending her neck, too, to make her even taller, and push a bit into the uncanny if you want. covering the neck up makes it easier, in my experience, to lengthen it without it looking too obviously odd.

it sort of depends on the impact you want her to have though. very tall, very slender, very long proportions are striking, and carry a vibe of the ethereal, maybe slightly mystical. height also often codes for power.

if you want her to be a more down-to-earth presence in her human form, though, especially if you want her to pretend to be harmless and/or vulnerable as part of her seduction and manipulation play, making her shorter is usually a better shortcut to achieving that vibe

hm... what else...

Well, the spider leg spikes on her arms are cool - I really like the idea of concealing them as some sort of high fashion eccentric accessory, although it's not 100% clear to me from the art here exactly how they are attached to her?

I really like the fashion design of the middle idea. I like giving her trousers and going right up to the edge of letting her have a naked upper body. It's a good way to play with the tease, I think, the allure of almost seeing what is hidden.

I'm not 100% sure about the green markings on the body. on the one hand, she DEFINITELY needs something Shadow Isles coded in her design, since that's where she draws her power from, on the other hand having it that much out in the open feels maybe a little... obvious? at least in her human form?

Of course, this again depends on the intention with the design. if you're designing this as a design to appear in League of Legends, whether as a champion update or a skin, then making her source of power obvious on her body is actually crucial, it's really important for in-game visual language. If it's for something like an appearance in Arcane, you could probably dial it back a couple of notches and make it more subtle.

Like, maybe the same idea of glowing tattoos that light up when she uses her powers, but they are subtle little spiderweb patterns on her skin that look like elaborate decoration when not in use? something like that?

anyway, that's all I can think of as a reaction just off the top of my head. this is really cool, I hope you keep working on it!

[yanderes-galore]

Summer smith with friend darling (Platonic/Romantic) 🪲 [Shiny Bug Anon]

I haven't written for Rick and Morty in so long... let alone anything for Summer. So here's my thoughts! Leaned it more platonic but it's still generic.

Yandere! Summer Smith with Friend! Darling

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Jealousy, Implied murder, Kidnapping, Isolation, Dubious on if Rick is enabling her or not, Dubious/Forced companionship/relationship.

Honestly, being friends with any of the Smith family is an... experience.

But, for the most part, Summer seems like a normal girl.

... somewhat.

Summer is someone who often cares about her status.

She cares about her inner circle, social media, her body, her social life.

To the point she even seems to push others away if they are hindering her popularity.

This is all typical of her and your shared age group, of course.

Who hasn't thought of these things at one point in time?

She's easily jealous and can be considered sociopathic and manipulative at times.

She is related to Rick, y'know.

In fact, Rick, Beth, Summer, and Morty have those same tendencies to varying degrees.

The only one who doesn't is Jerry, and that's because he isn't related to them.

So while Summer appears normal, she can also be intense.

Although, compared to the others, she has 'better' morals and seems to have her heart in the right place.

You two probably first met during Senior year in Highschool.

Summer may have met you in a group of friends or a shared class.

Either way, one of you was curious about the other.

It may make more sense if Summer looked up to you in some way.

Summer definitely feels like a yandere who would want to impress her obsession.

She's desperate to have a social life and if she likes you enough, she tries really hard to make you like her.

In a way she seems a little... classic as a yandere?

She follows you through the halls, stalks your social media, pays attention to everyone you hang out with...

She acts mostly normal when chatting with you since you're friends.

But you do notice when she borrows things... You never end up seeing them again?

Summer may also be considered clingy since you're the one person she really... 'vibes' with?

She has fun hanging out with you, often sharing hobbies or trying new trends with you.

Summer desperately wants to be the cool friend for you.

While she's often self conscious of herself and her family, I imagine Summer tries to invite you over.

She's begging her family to behave and let her have this.

I don't doubt that she'd invite you for video games or just hanging out in her room.

She may also want to show you some of Rick's inventions, only to be scolded by Rick for trying to impress you that way.

Honestly, Beth's happy Summer has a friend.

In fact, you two are super close.

Although not even her family knows the true extent of her feelings for you.

Maybe Rick... but if he does, he hasn't commented.

Not to you, anyways.

Summer religiously checks your socials and texts/calls you.

She's obsessed with you, especially since your presence as her best friend makes her feel less insecure.

Summer is someone who wants validation and love.

She looks for that in her obsession, which is what makes her seem so desperate.

She hides her behaviors, obviously.

After all, you won't think she's cool if she's a stalker, right?

She gets so nervous you'll figure it out.

She has tons of pictures of you on her phone.

Usually it's from socials, but others seem more personal.

She looks into all of your likes and hides away things she took from you in a drawer.

Honestly, this can either be like an obsessive best friend... or a crush she can't fully vent properly.

Summer is manipulative like most of her family.

She often asks to hang out, mostly at her house but sometimes yours.

You two definitely have sleepovers... and she feels comforted to be near you when you're at your most vulnerable.

Yes she probably took some pictures, nothing too invasive in her eyes though.

Summer is never far from you.

She claims it's because you're friends.

In reality, she craves your presence and doesn't like the idea of you having other friends.

Why bother having other friends?

She's clearly better...?

I would NOT be surprised if Summer stole one of Rick's inventions to get rid of someone she's jealous of at least once.

She prefers intimidation as she doesn't enjoy random murder...

But I wouldn't put it past her.

That or she straight up asks Rick for help.

Who, while it's dubious on if he is or not, seems to be helping her behind your back.

Regardless of her intentions, Summer is definitely more obsessed than she should be.

To her, you aren't just some friend.

You're almost her everything by this point.

I wouldn't be surprised if one sleepover she just... doesn't let you leave the house.

She begs you to stay longer...

There's still so much to do!

Yet, if you're so insistent...

Grandpa might have something to help.

Kidnapping seems a bit far for her.

She may just be clingy and manipulative...

Yet if she's desperate...

She'll try to make your new home comfortable, a permanent part of the household, maybe even Rick can help if she begs enough.

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

Hey everyone. I am back for a little bit to let yall know im working on making a divination discord server. I have some other things i need to set up before i open it up to the public but im very excited to see yall there! Remember to take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new experiences. 🩵

-ghost

PILE 1

Crystal: Amethyst

Astrology: ♈️♌️♐️♒️

Vibes: 💛📝🔑💰🚧🎷🏆⚜️🔆🍻🍯🧀🍋🌦️🌻🐝🐣🐱🤲🫨🥱🍰🎾🎗️🏵️🚜🏜️🎁☢️☣️⚠️🚸🔱

Hi there, pile one! So this one is pretty dang straight forward. I see you embracing motherhood. This could be literal motherhood and you could be participating in raising a child but I also see it could be a pet. It definitely looks like it is a little bit of a surprise to everyone involved. I do need to warn you. I can see someone who says they’re on your corner trying to sabotage the situation. It could be purposeful but it also could be accidental. They could just be scared of such a big commitment. Make sure you are equally spreading out the work and everyone is carrying some of the weight of this commitment. There will be chaos if things are not equally distributed. Have everyone research how to help and read up on important information so everyone is on the same page. A village is needed to raise a child but if the village isn’t in harmony. All must be in tandem when raising a little one. If someone isn’t following along with everyone else make sure you are strict about how things are meant to be done. Do not let your village stray from the path. Keep nasty people away from this baby.

PILE 2

Crystal: Black Tourmaline

Astrology: ♉️♏️♓️♊️

Vibes: 🏳️‍🌈🌺🌈🦄💐🥗🍭🛼🎡🚦🎉🎊❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🛍️🌄🏩🏕️🎭🍎🍊🍋🍏🫐🍆🍇🍡🍬

Hellooo, pile 2! Your new journey is a self help adventure. You have been gaslit a lot in your life and I see you learning how to use discernment and seeing right through people's lies and straight to the truth. Your presence is becoming a truth serum for all that surrounds you. Your way more powerful than others have coerced you into believing. You have been polishing your skills in private and now you get to shine like the diamond in the rough you are. This journey might not even be something you notice as it comes and goes. You have proved yourself enough already. Allow yourself to stop filling the cups of others and take time to fill your own. If you do not you will eventually dull that shine and become just like those who coerced you. You have the choice to choose a different fate than the one they chose.

PILE 3

Crystal: Rainbow Moonstone

Astrology: ♎️♊️♏️♉️

Vibes: 💜💖🏳️‍⚧️🎀🫐🔮❄️🍆💠🍧🌸🐬🌷🪻🩵☂️🐙👙🚺👛💎🫦🦋😈💦☯️🩻💞🧷

Hi, pile 3! Your new adventure is a gender expression journey. You will be exploring femininity to its core. Femininity might not be something you are very familiar with but you are learning about using your charm and charisma to get what you desire. You are realizing how much your appearance means to you and how to use it in manifestation. It might be kind of scary to you due to some kind of trauma. I see you could be trans-feminine but i also see you being a cis woman and just afraid of what might happen if you use your appearance like that. The patriarchy is definitely terrifying so I understand the apprehension. Use your appearance for justice. Use your feminine charm for your desires. Do not fear because you are protected by spirit. I see Gaia looking after you while you explore your Empress energy.

PILE 4

Crystal: Flower Agate

Astrology: ♋️♓️♑️♒️

Vibes: 🖤❤️💯🕹️🎸♟️🎳🍉🎮🎹🍒🍓🔌🍎🚬🔥🪨👹🔪🥵🥊🛞🕷️🕸️🐞🦊👠♦️🧣🕶️💋💄♣️

Heyooo, pile 4! Oh my goodness this is exciting. Your new adventure is steeped in love. Romantic, platonic and familial love surround your lonely heart. You were a very lonely kid but now love is filling your life. Suitors are at every turn and you get to hand pick who gets to love you. Make sure you are using good discernment when choosing. Look into the future at what heart longs for and aim for it using that criteria. Your values should align with those you love and they should respect you. Don’t go for those who don't make you feel sparks. Don’t bet on boring or mean people because you deserve to be adored.

PILE 5

Crystal: Dragons Blood Jasper

Astrology: ♏️♍️♋️♌️

Vibes: 🖤🩵❤️🤍✒️⚗️📌🎹🎼💎🧲🎲🎱🧊🍷🫖🦨❄️🔥☁️🐧🦋🎒👟🕶️🪢🥼🫀🥶♠️

Pile 5, welcome to your reading. You are opening doors that you can not close. You are beginning a spiritual journey. It also looks like you are nearing the end of another journey. This journey is meant to take a lot of self reflection. You must stare into your shadow until you love it as much as you love your light. You must look at the part of you that disgust you with love and acceptance. Which believe me I am aware that is much easier said than done but you are ready! You can do this! Seek out a spiritual teacher or a therapist to show you the ropes of shadow work. Facing this alone is scary and it is much easier when you have someone to help guide you through the dark. The universe loves you and wants you to love you as much as it does.

[suzukiblu]

I just wanted to say I think you're really cool in the way you defend your own boundaries while also trying to see the best in people (e.g. off-topic Wednesday asks / etc.). Like you make your ask box feel like it's okay to ask questions or not worry too much about how something might come off wierdly if it's read a certain way but also you don't let people walk over you, and that balance is a fucking skill which takes effort and work.

Thank you. 🧡 I definitely do go to a lot of effort to be clear about certain things I'm cool/not cool with while also assuming the best of people's intentions if I ever get comments or questions that are phrased poorly or seem . . . well, questionable, to make an unintentional pun there, haha. I just don't wanna start shit that doesn't need started or slather bad vibes all over some poor well-intentioned random soul who just doesn't have the most immediately up-to-date/informed language or certain experiences to inform their perspective, AND all over all of your dashes on top of that. Like, we were all confused about shit and awkwardly attempting to figure out what the magic question that would explain that shit to us was at SOME point in our lives, if nothing else. You gotta remember your internal stupid kid and how bad they wanted to figure shit out without having the tools for it!! You just gotta!!!!

Like, I literally did not realize gay and bi people were a thing until I was FOURTEEN, man, I just did NOT have that context/experience as a kid. And then, like, four months later I was . . . uhhhhh I'm pretty sure literally the first kid who was publicly out in my entire very tiny "quaint lil' small town full of well-off retirees with gorgeous lawns and literally nothing for a teenager to do outside of school" high school, and at least as far as I ever knew there wasn't another one until my friggin' senior year. And I didn't figure out what asexuality was OR my gender identity until I was in my thirties, despite actively TRYING to figure those out! I just didn't know! I didn't have the word for it for so long I didn't even GET it was a thing that should have a word!

Though to be honest, I really do get way, WAY more people worrying that they're overstepping and preemptively apologizing about it than I ever do people who are actually doing anything I'd personally consider to be overstepping, and I get even fewer people who are INTENTIONALLY overstepping on top of that. Like, I've been very lucky in the audience I've managed to snare/cultivate in my internet times, I very rarely encounter anyone coming into my inbox in bad faith. "Don't like/don't read" seems to be generally respected and I appreciate it, basically, hah.

Also, like, not to get too extra or serious here, but a lot of the reason I write fanfic is because it can contain a lot of things that standard publishing is less immediately open to releasing--like, especially back when I started, it was just NOT a thing to have explicitly queer kids in mega-popular mainstream YA series or all that much gender/racial/neuro diversity past, like, token presences that were at MOST only diversity-CODED half the time anyway and "didn't like labels". And like, that bugged me a LOT as a kid and as a young adult, and still kinda bugs me sometimes these days. I wanted, you know, that SEEN feeling, and I didn't want to only get it from hyper-niche genres/authors that were only writing about being queer and sad about it. I wanted that shit in my dang sci-fi and fantasy and all the FUN stuff, not just, you know, the tragedy-porn cautionary tales. So I want people who are reading my stuff to feel that way, even and ESPECIALLY when they're some totally different flavor of whatever we are from me, and so I REALLY try to be inclusive and welcoming and assume the best of people, at least to the best of my ability.

. . . okay I got kinda carried away with this answer, maybe, haha, but tl;dr: literally everyone has got enough bullshit going on in their lives, I can at least be nice about weird kinks and random gender/mental/physical/???? issues that I don't always necessarily understand the full nuances of on the internet.

[xceanlynx]

Hi! It's me, waking up from a nice nap to give my lovely mutuals, but especially @khaofirsts @hushedstars @drama-nonsense (the amazing people who accepted my letter-delivering proposal lol) my detailed experience in the FirstKhao fanmeet in Brazil!

So, I only got there by 3:45pm, and the gates would open to the general audience by 4pm (only the people who got VIP1 — the ones y'all probably saw taking solo pictures with First and Khaotung — got to enter earlier) and oh my God the lines were LONG. It was a bit more organized than how it was earlier (in the morning there was only one giant line that was divided by sectors in the afternoon) and the temperature was very nice, not as nearly as hot as it was the day before. Here, it was just a few minutes before it started:

One thing I want to emphasize so much is that there were so many different kinds of people there! Usually in events like this, with asian celebrities, the crowd tends to be more white, female presenting, more emo/punk vibes, and definitely more lgbtq+, but my guys, when I say there were people of all types, I MEAN IT. There were some nice ladies (that were probably 50+) cheering so much in the line, at first I thought they were mothers accompanying their kids but NO, they were fans! There were also a lot of men too, and gender non conforming people, trans people, you name it!

There were also many black and asian people, although white and white presenting people were still the majority (also, many photos may have you think there were only white and whiteish people but the lights that lit the crowd were so strong they basically made everyone look pale lol).

There were also many people from other countries. There were two guys (i believe they are a couple) that I have no idea where they were from, they only talked to staff in english but to each other they spoke some language I have no idea. There were also many latam groups, I saw some girls from paraguay, I know there was a group from Chile too, and there were probably more that I haven't seen. The crowd was DIVERSE!

But enough of all this pre fanmeet talk, let's get to the real stuff!

My moots. Dear moots. I almost lost my hearing /j. We were so loud, and we always are, it's basically cultural of Brazil to be louder than the artist, but last night was something else. Everyone was so excited, really, it is a different atmosphere.

The boys were so, so nervous! It was very easy to see how nervous they were in the beginning, but I think they got a lot more relaxed as the fanmeet went on. When they first entered singing, oh my god... They really got so surprised we were singing so loudly, I bet y'all have seen the footage already, it's all over twitter. They couldn't believe what they were seeing lol

Just a tiny video I took of part of their introduction (IN ALMOST PERFECT PORTUGUESE MIGHT I ADD) — bear with me I own a 6-year-old samsung and I was in the box seats, the quality won't be qualitying lmao (I made a friend while waiting in line and she'll send me some of her videos, thankfully)

I was kinda shocked, yet not really shocked, when I noticed that First wasn't singing live. Like I get it, we all know he isn't really a singer, and considering this was their largest event (by number of people: ~4k), they probably thought that it would be better that way. In any case, I don't think people really minded at all. We scream so loudly anyway that live or not, we would barely hear it lmao and he was such a charismatic performer, he interacted with everyone he could in the standing crowd. Mr. Kanaphan is a tease, you all!!!

Idk if that was just me but Khaotung sounded a little bit rough in his song, which he sang live. Maybe he had a sore throat? No idea, but by the last song (let's try) he sounded very good. Maybe it was recorded, but I really didn't noticed. Their stage presence got better and better at every song. AND RAPPER KHAOTUNG? OKAY! GIVE ME SOME MORE OF THAT!!!

The questions and games were very fun! I'm not the type that like much fanservice (all of this was fanservice, I know, but like, those obvious one, you get me?) but they were really nice and not much forced. The questions were also very nice and well-curated (no nonsense ship questions), although I think there were a couple of questions the translator didn't understand fully (also, we were screaming so much I can't blame her for not hearing) and she probably translated to them wrong/not complete, so their answers were a bit weird but we understood what they meant. Also, they tried to samba! The crowd singing Zeca Pagodinho! So random... poor boys were so, so awful lmao but we can forgive them because they're cute

The game interactions with the two fans were also really nice! The girls were very polite (one of them was very young and timid, poor thing) and yeah, it was cool *alexa, play "That Should Be Me" by Justin Bieber*

The surprise fan video was so wholesome. I was almost tearing up lol and when, in the video, a deaf fan appeared signing how much she loved them I lost it and just started crying. Really, they are such great people and their talent has entertained and inspired so many different groups, it really is heartwarming.

Okay, now for the picture: Look, I was in a trance like state. I have absolutely no idea how I got on that stage to take the photo. I was the last one of the group so I couldn't sit next to them, but I believe I got to be somewhat behind Khaotung? I remember seeing the top of his head. Oh my god I really blanked out

As for the hi touch, it was so fast I kinda also did not register much? My brain really was malfunctioning. What I can remember is: They aren't as tall as I thought? Like, I don't think they are lying about their height, I just realized I'm not as short as I thought lol I am 168cm and, with the shoes I was wearing I was probably ~171cm. Still shorter but not as short as I somehow thought I would be.

Their hands are soft. Very soft. Also, their skin literally is flawless, everyone was commenting how perfect it was, just like porcelain. I don't know what treatments they do, and what makeup they use, but I need the detailed list right now!

Also, fuck my life: I can try to say anything, literally anything, but when I get in front of celebs the only thing I can mutter is "hi" with a giant smile. What the fuck I couldn't even say something like "i love you" or "you're handsome".... NO. I JUST SAID HI AND LEFT 😭😭😭

Okay, that's pretty much how it went. Oh, and as I was waiting for my uber to arrive, and I was more distant from the venue so I could avoid the crowd. I was in the street right in front of the gates of the venue, but still more distant, there were probably like 10 people around me. I heard so many people screaming at the entrance of the venue — firstkhao were going back to the hotel (you can see the van in an earlier post of mine). They entered the van and then the van was signaling they were going to turn left to the same street I was waiting the uber. Oh. My. God. I started waving like crazy, they could not have missed me looking like those gas station inflatable men lmao I couldn't see them because the window was very dark but boy I just know they saw me again 😂😂😂😂

To finish up, as the official photo wasn't released yet, let me show where I am in the gmmtv pic. Look at top left where the arrows are pointing. See the two hands? That's me, baby

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats | Love Secrets (Martin, 1976)

This is directed by somebody named Susan Martin. As far as I can tell, she has no other credits, and the five seconds of attempted research I did (typing in her name and this movie's title into the search bar in the Rialto Report website) yielded no additional information, so for all I know this could be a pseudonym. But I do think it's worth noting that this stars two actresses who went on to direct porn as well.

The other reason I bring up the director's identity is that feels like an early (to my knowledge) attempt at couples' pornography. The camera's gaze definitely presents the women more attractively than the men, but there is a balance of male and female perspectives within the story. I don't mean to be too gender essentialist, as I don't think men are inherently incapable of evoking women's perspectives in erotica and vice versa, but it does colour the material interestingly.

The plot here concerns a couple played by John Seeman and Tracy O'Neil who fantasize and reminisce about sexual experiences because they're unable to communicate their desires with each other. The scenes go through the standard variety of combinations and positions you get in the genre: straight, lesbian, anal, threesome, etc. None of the scenes are terribly out there, but I guess there's a charge to the movie's Sexual Revolution context, in that these are characters who did not grow up being comfortable with their desires and are learning to view themselves and each other in a healthy way as sexual beings.

Given most hourlong pornos I've seen from the era are Shaun Costello sleazefests or totally artless ones by Ray Dennis Steckler, the sex here is refreshingly tastefully directed. This also gets bonus points for opening and closing credits written on the sand of a beach, and a soundtrack that features multiple tracks from Herbie Hancock's Headhunters. The best scene here is the one where Seeman fantasizes about butt stuff with Candida Royalle, in part because she has a really nice butt, and in part because her cheerful, giggly demeanour gives it a really fun vibe. (And in part because it ends with the guy coming in his pants, so there are laffs too.) Candida's such a babe, maaaaaan, every movie would be improved by her presence.

[castlebyersafterdark]

hahahah what i love about that finn behaviour is that it could suggest he is truly more at ease around male energy, and does that mean he is more attracted to women (awkward around them as he likes them) or does it mean he is comfortable in male presence and would prefer to be in a male presence and be tended to and touched and held by men??

we can never know as will and mike themselves are such great examples of opposites ways of dealing with same sex attraction! we have steady quiet will, never blustering and flustered, who avoids men irl. and we have mike who is an absolute mess and leans into eddie's every touch! fascinating!

Combining these since they have similar energy!

Definitely validity here re: the energy in situations we are observing with these older men. It's not purely "oh not this man is hot" even though, if he truly is queer, there's a level there. It's a pretty universal experience for a younger person to want the validation and attention and approval of someone older, no matter gender or sexuality. But, the specific ways that I personally witnessed in these interviews in particular? It has a very underlying subtext that reads beyond just wanting approval from an older peer. The specific way that Finn laughs is just... so familiar. "Is that just his personality" some will argue and well, if that's just a part of his personality, well then his personality has the vibes we're discussing, right? It's entwined. The way he laughs a little too hard at times, the way he touches these guys, the looking immediately to them when he makes a comment. It is kind of safe, because you really can play it off as admiration and trying to be on the same level with these older men. A straight eye probably won't clock it as flirting, that's just an eager kid vying for approval. But the approval is intrinsically needed because it's caught up in wanting them to respect you and consider you an equal and you also feel that attraction, your mind wants to entertain the thought. The brain is firing off in many directions. Been there, babe. The way he carries himself in these interviews just... doesn't feel very straight. "Can't a man be secure in himself and be comfortable expressing..." - sure! But we're calling what we see. I see flirtation underneath several other layers of veneer.

Maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it. I doubt his anxious ass is re-watching his interviews, but I wonder what he'd think of himself if he watched it back. Cannot even imagine. It's not like he's doing anything embarrassing, but the energy there. Oh, Finn. It's a valid read, for sure. There's got to be a reason so many of us in certain parts of the fandom get a queer read on him, and it cannot be from clothing or physical appearance because I'm gonna be honest - those aren't the biggest tells in his case. That isn't enough for me. Behavior and actions and spoken words are more indicative of this sort of thing.

And the first point - it's another interesting idea. I'll admit I don't know Finn's personal life toooo deeply. I like Finn as a person and I like following his career - I've never been one who really paid attention to his relationships with people outside of the ST cast other than random little things I learned from scrolling tumblr. I'm slightly familiar with his IT days, but that was little boyhood and I'm not interesting in analyzing that too deeply. So is he in a circle of mostly male friendships as the implication? No idea, so I don't know if my insight is useful for him in particular.

There's definitely truths to sexuality and who you surround yourself with and there's also those who desire to fight against stereotype and gender roles, even unconsciously. Some straight men absolutely cannot be friends with women, a societal failing of them. Others have zero problem. I love the women in my life, and I know there's a stereotype that gay men get along better and surround themselves with women and I get that, but I also don't? My circle is pretty diverse. Some of my closest friends are straight guys and it's totally not any different than any other person's friendship. Not sure how great I am at analyzing this topic just because sometimes I get nervous making these grand generalizations!

I think for Mike and Will in the show however, since this is a show and easier to analyze than real life people - there is a pretty pointed connotation made when it comes to their friendships. There have been so many good analyses of Mike and his "boys only" moments. His uncomfortableness with women. He really seems to fall into a comfort level with the guys in his life. Which could simply be a story-telling hint on sexuality stuff rather than a commentary of friendships, but it can be twofold. Will certainly showcases a lack of female friendships and some criticize him for it, but he's also just a young boy when he says these things? "Girls play video games?" Etc. But that's also the classic 80s trope of boys vs. girls, nerds vs. heteronormative society, and then toss two gay kids into the mix. There's so many layers to consider. It's complicated. I'm going in circles here but both of these questions were really interesting to ponder. Will continue to do so but I'm gonna stop typing at this point haha.

[duskterrace]

local ghost spotted posting intro five days late, anomaly muns claim. many express shock over ghost's sudden appearance. ✩ ( let's pretend this is introduction is actually on time and i wasn't panicked about how little i had ready lmao)

sorry for the super late introduction guys and thank you admins for being so understanding with me and my sweet summer child ! hi everyone ! ✩ im ghost ( they/them, 21+, est ) sleepy and back from the afterlife to offer up seo jinsol, your local 23 year old disaster astronomy major with the ability to manipulate the presence of yin and yang within themselves ! i've been so excited for this rp, and i honestly cant wait to start plotting with everyone. everything you could possibly need on jinsol is below, along with some headcanons and wanted plots! my discords available for anyone who needs it ( and pls need it tumblrs ims will be the death of me ). pls send a dm or leave a like if you'd like to plot so i can race over and gush over your muse(s) !

ㅤ STATS   |  ABILITY   | BIO (U/C)   |  PLOTS | PINTEREST  | PLAYLIST

✩ BASIC INFORMATION.

name seo jinsol  ╱ age twenty3 ╱ pronouns he/they/she ╱ gender possibly ╱ birthday december 13, 1999 ╱ birthchart sagittarius sun aquarius moon leo rising ╱ hometown hongdae, seoul ╱ orientation bisexual, androsexual lean  ╱ personality outgoing, playful, confident, thrill-seeking, sarcastic, impulsive, stubborn, hot-tempered, curious ╱ faceclaim choi san ( ateez ) & hwang yeji ( itzy ) ╱ character inspo post ponytail zuko & sokka ( atla ), jordan li ( gen v ), beast boy & starfire ( dc titans )

✩ HEADCANONS. tw: far too many avatar the last airbender references.

raised with manners, so they're very respectful. especially of their elders and women. they don't eat first when elders are present, they offer assistance with tasks ( normally being the first to jump to help someone ), they tend to offer to listen to someones worries, etc.

since their power is based on internal balance an yin and yang, they can be found doing a lot of activities around campus to clear their mind from time to time. ranging from yoga in the morning, to sketching, jogging, endurance workouts, forcing themself to relax, and burning incense. think uncle iroh but as a modern day, 23 year old college student. when their energy ( chi ) isn't balanced, they experience disharmony, a very tiring process that causes the typical results of disharmony except ... personified. so gender switching to female, being depressed, stressed and anxious with tummy issues ( normal hot girl sh*t imo ) all at the same time and against their will etc.

contrary to how i explain them, they are not as calm, collected nor as wise as uncle iroh. they more so have the personality of zuko, around when he started being hot and also sokka. so sarcastic, awkward, still a hot head, playfully, clumsy, and always cracking a joke or two. the vibes of a beloved leader that probably shouldn’t be leading.

they're wanderlust coded. i have this weird headcanon of them, where its a day off and they just turn off their phone at night and go for a walk in the city and just exist, looking at the city lights, sitting and looking at the river, grabbing ice cream even though its cold out side and then eventually heading back to the dorms as if they didn't just disappear for a few hours without a word. they definitely do this often too, while eating some cheap buy buy one get one snack they bought at the a convenience store.

despite how they may act sometimes, they love skinship; on that note, physical touch & quality time are their love languages.

silly but their side of the dorm follows the rules of feng shui and they’d probably playfully nag their roommate ( or any friend really ) to let them just to rearrange one of their things so their stuff fits in the room a little better.

following the ( TW ) death of their grandmother, they fell into the deepest depression and stopped wearing the patch for a while, ( no longer than a month ). the extremely negative emotions they faced kept them female the entire time, but soon enough they caught feelings for someone. feeling happier, they started the went back on the patch again. in the crudest tldr; they got their heart broken pretty badly. they decided to go off of the nullivi patch one last time after falling head over heels for a normal person. the showed them their ability, and just to be completely truthful about who they were, they shifted. it backfired pretty quickly and they were shunned, shamed and rejected. this is one incident they still struggle with letting go, and it currently affects how they view / form relationships.

they don't hate nullivi but they don't like it either. it messes with their internal balance which can make it tough to use their powers later and requires a pretty strict regimen when off of nullivi to balance their energies again.

They actively seek connections. They’d give anything to connect and have someone understand them, deeply and intrinsically without feeling like they’re being judged for who they are. They want to be able to open up and have someone see them for them; for whats really the inside and not just whats the outside, no matter what form they may take.

* more coming soon, only one braincell is on shift tonight .

✩ WANTEDPLOTS. *more plots en route.

CRUSH : it starts with those shy glances across the room and before they know it , all of a sudden all of the songs they listen to were about your muse. for some reason, your muse has caught jinsol's eye. your muse gives them butterflies, hope even, but they don't call it a crush for nothing. ( possible routes: unrequited & requited ) SPRING FLING : what you had was quick and fun, and meaningless. in the end, there was a clear agreement from both sides that it was no strings attached, hence a clean break was expected. so why does it feel weird watching you walk by them without a word? and why does it sting to see you with someone else? THE DREADED GROUP PROJECT : lets be real, no one in this group ever really liked each other. Since the start of the semester they've kept a pretty good distance from each other, but despite their best efforts, this year they share a class and even worse they've been partnered together for a group project. their final grade is literally dependent on them working together and fast. will they do suck it up long enough to pass ? ( 0 / 2 ) A RIVAL : no need for formalities here. this is someone they just can't seem to see eye to eye with. your muse is someone who sees their presence as a threat and/or vice versa. it could be a friendly rivalry, or a genuine grudge filled feud. whatever it is, bring on the angst ! ( * would be great for rival muses in other rally houses )  TRAINER:  someone they can honestly throw down with. as a member of samjoko, they're constantly trying to find new ways to use their abilities to their advantage. whether its through regular hand to hand combat or testing the limits of their powers, they crave the power to propel samjoko's reputation further and feel like its their sole responsibility to harness said power. EX: a recent ex that broke them / or / the person they broke . the first person they sorta came out to about everything. their playlist has to be full of sad-ish songs for a reason right? this person is the reason, the reason for their glow up in public, and glow down in private. the break up could've been they're fault, could've been the other persons. all they know is... they hate that they still think about your muse as often as they do.  OTHERS : fellow members of samjoko, other residents in blue dorm, the usual fwb/ewb, enemies, childhood friend, friend groups, acquaintances, roommate etc connections. maybe people in the same major/classes, or another club of some kind?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤDo you wish to make a connection?        ▶︎ YES.ㅤㅤㅤ NO.

[ladykatibeth]

Not to pull out your tags, but I think this is an interesting thing to grapple with! There’s two major things from this perspective I often see and differ on is it’s an either/or perspective and a “only Ellen is feeling the effects of the “normal” social roles in the marriage” perspective.

Firstly I think that Thomas granted her something that Orlok couldn’t—open love and a sense of normalcy. Thomas being in the picture actively helped Ellen’s symptoms (that she expressed were painful and uncomfortable) lessen, and it’s notable that when he leaves these symptoms start to return. She is actively benefited by his presence (mainly as her emotional support). This does not mean she wasn’t also fulfilled by Orlok as well (in a you understand me/I understand you) way.

People need multiple things, and rarely can they get all their needs filled by a single person. It’s an unhealthy expectation. That doesn’t mean a relationship can’t work out that doesn’t include every need being fulfilled, just that you need many people in your life to meet needs. Anna supports Ellen when Thomas is having nightmares, for example. Ellen needs the open love Thomas provides, and she needs someone who can relate to her darkness and that’s okay. She can’t get both from a single person.

In terms of Thomas I don’t think he’s reacting ordinarily to what’s going on. Definitely not for his society, but also not generally. Most victorian men wouldn’t put their all into supporting their wives in their mental illness, or even marry someone with that sort of history attached to begin with.

They also mostly wouldn’t support their wife after she summoned a monster and then hold her through being possessed. I’m thinking most modern day spouses wouldn’t either ngl that man is devoted.

However I also think that Thomas’s hyper concern for filling his gender role, combined with the fact that the vampiric symbol of victorian repression fed on him in a scene mirroring the repression symbols feeding of Ellen, implies that Thomas isn’t really easily living up to these standards either (the why is up to interpretation, personally I think he’s bi).

The single provider social dynamic puts stress on him as well, especially as the expectation of men to not be weak keeps him from being able to connect with Ellen over their shared vampire trauma (something that would benefit them both.)

I also think that we need to be considering it in terms of a partnership if we want to have an anti-sexist reading. Thomas couldn’t save Ellen because she didn’t need saving. The emotional support Thomas provides is more important than heroics, and he succeeds at the former way more than the later.

They’re cutting the honeymoon short, meaning it’s likely they weren’t in a committed relationship as we would describe it (they would have been restricted to chaperoned dates and letters before being wed) until at most a couple months before this, so they didn’t really have an opportunity to work out any issues (an inevitable part of the relationship process, issues will naturally come up more once their lives conjoin).

Not very soon after they move in together, Thomas experiences trauma fairly similar to hers and gets some similar symptoms (nightmares) and some separate symptoms (she has seizures/sleepwalks/gets possessed, while he is physically messed up from the draining/jumping off a building/sprint to get home) putting them on equal footing in terms of needing support.

He didn’t “let her down” any more than she did him. She chose to keep him in the dark to sacrifice herself. She didn’t tell him about the evil vampire ex (fair given their society but still) he didn’t listen to her about the bad vibes of the business trip. Choices made all around.

Neither of them really talk about it though. By the end it isn’t just a woman failing to receive support through her trauma, it’s two traumatized people handling it in very different ways and making choices based in that. We don’t know if it would have worked out, because they never got the chance or time to even really try, and yet they still gave it their all anyway.

It’s kind of crazy to me that Thomas gets flak for trying to get to work on time, or taking a job assignment, despite his wife being worried about it. It’s not really greedy for a lower middle class man with debt and a wife to support (because societal expectations mean she can’t work) to care about not losing his job and it’s not greedy for him to want a slightly better paying job.

It’s also not a reflection of lack of intimacy/love/trust between Thomas and Ellen that he makes financial stability a priority.

Also that the flowers scene is a reflection of Thomas not understanding Ellen, because she says she’s upset about the flowers dying. She’s just had a dream that messed her up that had lilacs in it. It’s not about him getting her flowers it’s about him getting her lilacs after she just had a nightmare heavily featuring them combined with the stress over his upcoming trip. She’s upset about what the flowers represent (a bad omen and a result of him apologizing for leaving for the trip) not him getting her flowers.

[m8tee-mate]

Chill Vibes Only: M8tee's Streetwear Revolution

Streetwear, a cultural phenomenon that transcends mere fashion, has found its true expression in M8tee's Streetwear Revolution. In this article, we'll delve into the origins of M8tee, explore its iconic collections, dissect the brand's cultural impact, and peek behind the scenes at its production process. Get ready to embrace the chill vibes as we take you on a journey through the streets of M8tee's revolution.

I. Introduction

A. Definition of M8tee's Streetwear

M8tee's Streetwear is more than just clothing; it's a lifestyle. It's about self-expression, individuality, and embracing a laid-back attitude that resonates with the urban youth.

B. The Rise of Streetwear Culture

As we witness the global rise of streetwear culture, M8tee stands out for its authenticity and commitment to the roots of this movement.

C. M8tee's Unique Approach

What sets M8tee apart is its unique approach to streetwear, blending quality craftsmanship with a distinct design philosophy that appeals to a diverse audience.

II. The Birth of M8tee

A. Founder's Vision

M8tee was born from the visionary mind of its founder, who envisioned a brand that not only delivered top-notch streetwear but also contributed positively to the cultural landscape.

B. Brand Philosophy

The brand's philosophy revolves around the idea that everyone should have access to high-quality, stylish streetwear that reflects their personality.

C. Early Challenges

Like any revolutionary movement, M8tee faced its share of challenges in the beginning, navigating through a competitive market to establish its unique identity.

III. M8tee's Iconic Collections

A. Breaking Down the Classics

M8tee's classic collections have become a staple in streetwear fashion, with each piece telling a story of urban flair and individuality.

B. Collaborations and Limited Editions

The brand's collaborations with artists and limited-edition releases have created a buzz, turning M8tee into a symbol of exclusivity and artistic expression.

C. Impact on Pop Culture

M8tee's influence on pop culture is undeniable, as its streetwear becomes a canvas for individuals to express their identity and make a statement.

IV. Quality Meets Style: M8tee's Fabric Game

A. Sustainable Practices

M8tee takes pride in its sustainable practices, ensuring that fashion doesn't come at the cost of the environment.

B. Material Innovation

The brand constantly pushes the boundaries of material innovation, delivering not only style but also comfort and durability.

C. Comfort and Style Balance

M8tee strikes the perfect balance between comfort and style, making its streetwear not just a fashion statement but a lifestyle choice.

V. Streetwear Beyond Fashion: M8tee's Cultural Impact

A. Streetwear as a Lifestyle

M8tee understands that streetwear is more than just clothing; it's a lifestyle. The brand actively promotes this lifestyle through its designs and community engagement.

B. Inclusivity and Diversity

With a commitment to inclusivity, M8tee's streetwear is designed for everyone, regardless of age, gender, or background.

C. M8tee's Community Engagement

The brand engages with its community on various levels, from social media interactions to events, creating a sense of belonging among its followers.

VI. Online Presence: M8tee's Digital Footprint

A. Social Media Strategies

M8tee's social media strategies are as bold as its designs, creating an online presence that not only showcases its products but also resonates with its audience.

B. Website User Experience

The brand's website provides a seamless user experience, allowing customers to explore collections, learn about the brand's story, and make informed purchases.

C. Online Community Building

M8tee actively fosters an online community where streetwear enthusiasts can connect, share their style, and participate in exclusive events.

VII. Customer Reviews: Real Talk about M8tee's Streetwear

A. Positive Feedback

Customers rave about M8tee's streetwear, praising its quality, style, and the overall experience of being a part of the M8tee community.

B. Criticisms and Improvements

Acknowledging that perfection is a journey, M8tee values constructive criticism, using it to continuously improve and meet the evolving needs of its audience.

C. Influencer Endorsements

Influencers and fashion icons have endorsed M8tee, amplifying its reach and solidifying its position as a streetwear powerhouse.

VIII. Behind the Seams: M8tee's Production Process

A. Ethical Manufacturing

M8tee prioritizes ethical manufacturing, ensuring that every piece of clothing is produced under fair working conditions.

B. Supply Chain Transparency

The brand is transparent about its supply chain, allowing customers to trace the journey of their streetwear from production to delivery.

C. Customization and Personalization

M8tee believes in the power of personal expression. The brand offers customization options, allowing customers to add a personal touch to their streetwear.

IX. Fashion Forward: M8tee's Future Trends

A. Anticipated Collections

M8tee's future collections are highly anticipated, promising fresh designs that continue to redefine streetwear fashion.

B. Collaborations in the Pipeline

The brand has exciting collaborations in the pipeline, hinting at unique partnerships that will elevate M8tee's streetwear to new heights.

C. M8tee's Vision for the Future

With a vision for continuous innovation, M8tee envisions a future where its streetwear not only sets trends but also contributes positively to the global fashion landscape.

X. Exclusive Offers and Discounts: Grab the Streetwear Sensation

A. Limited-time Promotions

Readers are invited to seize limited-time promotions, offering exclusive discounts on M8tee's iconic streetwear.

B. Subscriber Benefits

Subscribe to M8tee's newsletter for insider access to new releases, special offers, and a first look at upcoming collections.

C. Where to Find M8tee's Streetwear

M8tee's streetwear is available on its official website and select retail partners. Find the nearest location or shop online to join the streetwear revolution.

XI. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

A. How often does M8tee release new collections?

M8tee strives to keep things fresh by releasing new collections regularly. Stay tuned for exciting drops throughout the year.

B. Are M8tee's products sustainable?

Yes, sustainability is at the core of M8tee's values. The brand prioritizes eco-friendly materials and ethical manufacturing processes.

C. How can I become a part of M8tee's online community?

Joining M8tee's online community is easy. Follow the brand on social media, participate in discussions, and share your streetwear style using the official hashtag.

D. Does M8tee ship internationally?

Absolutely! M8tee offers international shipping, allowing streetwear enthusiasts worldwide to embrace the brand's iconic designs.

E. What sets M8tee apart from other streetwear brands?

M8tee stands out through its commitment to quality, sustainability, and community engagement. The brand's unique designs and inclusive approach make it a trailblazer in the streetwear scene.

XII. Conclusion

A. Recap of M8tee's Streetwear Revolution

As we wrap up our journey through M8tee's Streetwear Revolution, it's clear that this brand is more than just clothing. It's a movement that celebrates individuality, embraces diversity, and sets the bar high for streetwear excellence.

B. Inviting Readers to Embrace the Chill Vibes

Join the revolution, embrace the chill vibes, and make a statement with M8tee's streetwear. It's not just fashion; it's a lifestyle.

SHOP NOW: https://m8tee.com/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550856475597 INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/__m8tee/

[natecarnell]

@scatteredintros​

[ jeremy shada, cis male, he/him. ] ✧･ﾟ is that [ nathaniel ‘nathan / nate’ carnell ] who just stumbled into town? rumour has it that they’re the [ twenty one ] year old child of [ pascal ] from [ tangled ]. i’ve also heard that they’re [ bright ] but [ headstrong ] and have [ 1 older ] sibling. i could almost swear i heard [ keep holding on - avril lavigne ] playing when they appeared.

name: nathaniel carnell

age: twenty one

gender & pronouns: cis male & he/him

sexuality: pansexual

faceclaim: jeremy shada

eye color: blue/green blend, different vibes under different lights

hair color: dark brown

height: 5′8″

zodiac & birthday: aquarius & february 14th

parent: pascal

sibling: 1 older sibling (name tba)

-----------------

trigger warning: bullying

the son of pascal, nathan has spent the majority of his life as chameleon. however, his formerly small size and previous lack of ability to communicate verbally did nothing to put a damper on his larger than life personality. much like his father, nate is a tried and true friend once he is in your corner. he has always loved making people laugh or at least smile, quick to do some sort of trick or make himself look ridiculous if that was what the moment called for. and he was always happy to provide a listening ear, be a trustworthy confidant for those who simply needed to get something off their chest or work out a problem by talking.

nathan also has his father’s protective tendencies, quick to stare down any bullies in corona. those same tendencies inspired him to sit in on royal guard training sessions whenever the opportunity arose, watching carefully to observe how they learned to defend the kingdom’s citizens or resolve issues. and he would be lying if he said that his mischievous tendencies didn’t lead to him pulling small pranks on the aforementioned bullies in retaliation. just helping karma get there faster, he would say nowadays.

for the most part though, he did enjoy a safe and happy life back home. what more could a chameleon possibly ask for? so imagine the shock that came when life changed in the blink of an eye. one moment, he was just going about his day and the next? he wasn’t a chameleon in corona anymore. on the contrary, he was a human in a strange, new place.

suddenly being human is quite the odd experience for him to say the least. definitely uncharted territory, but nate is nothing if not excited to rise to the challenge. he is admittedly a little nervous and feeling overwhelmed about these various changes, definitely homesick for corona yet he can’t help wondering about the potential adventures that might lie ahead.

nate is feeling quite the mixed bag of emotions about these current circumstances, there is no denying that. yet he is trying to focus on being a steady presence for friends old and new while hoping for the best, wishing for a happily ever after.

[imitationgame77]

@gamebird @bloodyentrails Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I, too, have struggled with the concepts of aromanticism for the past 10 months or so, basically ever since I discovered the murderbod diaries fan community. I had known of asexualism, but not been familiar with the concepts of 'aromanticism', 'aro/ace', 'queer-platonic', etc.

What I have come to understand is that 'romantic attraction' is very subjective. What you consider romantic may not be the same as what I feel or somebodyelse does. Perhaps, it is more palatable to say fromance is not necessarily romantic, and does not require romantic attraction.

Romantic attraction is not what an outsider should decide whether it's there or not. I think it is rather rude to point out to someone, "you are in love" or "you are in denial - what you and that person is definitely romance", etc. Each person can define their relationship in their own way, and other people should respect that. If ART says, "You are applying human concepts to machine intelligence. I deeply care about SecUnit but we are not romantically involved", then that's what it is. However, "fromance" (or "bromance") is something in which an outsider can often see something romantic. So, it is totally ok that you think "ART and Murderbot are hella romantic" - many people do, including myself. However, I would say that is observer-centric perception of romance.

I'd rather not overuse the term 'platonic', because, to me, it feels as though the word emphasises presence or absence of sex, rather than focusing on the closeness of the hearts.

At the end of the day, it is difficult for us to define something outside of our experience. An analogy might be drawn with colour perception. People often have different distribution of colour sensitive receptors (i.e., cone photoreceptors) in our retina, some more different than others. In some cases they cannot differentiate certain wavelenths, commonly referred to colour blindness or colour-vision deficiency. Colours are also culturally defined - in some culture blue and green are not distinguished. So, even if we can establish some agreement over what we call each range of wavelenths of light, many people might feel 'not quite right'.

With relationships and emotions associated with them, it's probably even more complicated. Unlike colours, relationships are really personal and none of outsider's business. I think it is ok for outsiders to feel 'romantic' about a particular relationship (not your own), but should still respect what the involving party calls it themseves.

@sluggardly

Thanks for sharing your experience. (I know you are responding to @gamebird but I wanted to say something to you, too)

I admit I am not entirely comfortable using the word 'queer' in queerplatonic. Partly because I still wonder if it could be offensive in anyway, coming from the era where there was some negative connotation to it. Mainly because 'queer' seems too broad - doesn't that include everything that is atypical in gender/sex/relationship area?? I have also read and been told that queerplatonic implies commitment, as you say. In that sense, QPR could be an extension of fromance - deeply care about each other (the I'll die for you/ kill for you vibe) with the addition of mutual commitment.

FROMANCE - suggesting a new relationship term

There are terms like bromance and queer-platonic when we see people who care deeply about each other, but without romantic/sexual attraction. With two men, like Holmes and Watson, people tend to use the term bromance. While some people like seeing romance or even sexual intimacy between 'bromance' pairs (i.e., shipping), but personally, I suspect that it might be because people tend to see romantic/sexual relationship at the top of the hierarchy sorted based on the level of intimacy.

I think individuals can form the closest and most significant bond with each other without romantic feelings or sexual desires, or even any statement of commitment. They could stay far away and only see each other occasionally, and maintain this special bond.

OK, we can call them just "best friends", "close friends", "soulmates", QPR", etc, so maybe we don't need a new term. But for sharing a concept more intuitively, I thought 'fromance" (combining 'friends' and 'romance', similar to brothers + romance = bromance) might work rather well. The word 'bromance' implies the invididuals are both male, but 'fromance' can be used for any individual of any sex/gender, or even non-humans.

So, here is the definition:

Fromance (n.) – A deep, trust-based, non-romantic bond between two or more beings, characterized by mutual understanding, loyalty, and emotional intimacy. A fromance can be categorised under friendship, but with a strong emphasis on implicit understanding. It is a connection where both individuals intuitively "get" each other, often without needing to explain themselves. They can even enjoy insulting each other still conveying the fundamental love and trust. While it carries the emotional weight of romance, it lacks romantic attraction.

Examples:

Murderbot and ART (The Murderbot Diaries – Martha Wells)

Breq and Seivarden (Imperial Radch – Ann Leckie)

Grace and Rocky (Project Hail Mary – Andy Weir)

Michael Knight and KITT (Knight Rier - TV series)

Fromance is compatible with other terms like best friends, buddies, QPR, and bromance, but I left the word 'romance' in that to show that, while (most) people understand that the love between them is not romantic in nature, because they show such strong bond, trust annd caring that people react in a similar way (awww) to when we see something deeply touching in a romantic way.

Yes, it's just me thinking too much :D

Any thoughts?

[kopikokun]

(Don't) Tell Me More༄ m.taeil

↳ Taeil's loaded, and that's a severe understatement. So, what on earth is this rich kid doing cleaning pools every Sunday? Looking for love, of course, and a little help with rubbing sunscreen on his back. Ultraviolet protection's a must; it's getting real hot in here.

pairing: (secret rich kid) pool boy!taeil x gn rich kid!reader

genre: fluff, suggestive

warning(s): the suggestive bit is the unaddressed tension, and the one joke about bad porn taeil makes. overall, just the ~vibes~ haha

word count: 2153 words

author's note: i got... carried away. no worries, the starved taeil fans deserve a meal. idk how many years it'll take for the next one. also, please notify me if i accidentally used any gendered language. i’ve checked multiple times, but i’m human, and would sincerely appreciate if you pointed out any of my mistakes or even offered feedback ♡

☆༓･*˚⁺‧͙ 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁: do i wanna know (arctic monkeys) ✧ head over heels (loveleo) ✧ honey (moxie) ✧ dance with me (sir, please) ✧ doubt (hippo campus) ✧ heat waves (glass animals)

← BACK TO NAVI.

Labour isn’t Taeil’s forte. Born with a gold spoon between his lips, and six digits in his bank account at five, he’s lived a life beyond lavish.

Fridays are reserved for piano lessons and tennis, Saturdays for buttering up his father’s potential clients in country clubs, and Sundays for swimming in the five meter deep pool in his backyard. Well, at least, Sundays used to be.

Taeil’s plenty passionate about swimming–freestyle, backstroke, butterfly–but about cleaning swimming pools? Not so much.

So, why is he spending every Sunday afternoon sweaty, swathed in sunscreen, and despairing over chemical imbalances? The answer is simple, and lazing on a deck chair at this very moment: you.

You’re new–courtesy of the raise in your father’s already outrageous salary–and when Taeil first lay his eyes upon you at the park, he was enamoured. He’d actually tripped on a root in his trance, and you’d crouched beside him to ask whether he was alright. Humiliated, he’d silently hobbled after as you lead him to a bench. You’d nursed the wound he hadn’t realised he’d sustained as best you could: rinsing and dabbing it dry.

“I’ll walk you home,” he’d said. “A token of appreciation, if you will.”

You’d accepted his token. The walk wasn’t far, but it was likely because you made for such good company. Taeil would be engrossed even if you droned on about cheese for an hour, which coincidentally, is exactly what Mr. Liu’s monologue had entailed the month before. That conversation had bored him half to death however.

It felt too quick; your estate was already looming over him, auguring the end of your encounter when he’d finally recovered from his ignominy. Desperate for more, Taeil had blurted out the first thing in sight: your pool. That’s why you’d mentioned your dad needing a pool cleaner every weekend, and how, despite being clueless in the department, Taeil had wholeheartedly offered himself. You’d been elated, beaming, over the moon. How could he say no?

It had seemed appealing in the moment, but his train of thought had been superficial. Turns out, those mass-produced specially-targeted summer chick-flicks were lying! Who would’ve guessed? Pool boying was not just flaunting your washboard abs and bulging biceps as you netted a few leaves. Oh no. The first few test cleans Taeil had done with his pool… well, it became off limits for a week. And an actual expert had to be hired. Those gritty aspects aren’t the most marketable, or inherently sexy, so Taeil supposes the chick-flick deceits are partially excused.

But back to what matters: you. Your–how should he put it?–spunk, hadn’t been anticipated. Not an ounce of that pretentious reticence the local wealthy feel entitled to prevails in you. It’s refreshing. You’re adrenaline personified. Just your presence has Taeil’s heart palpitating. Since he’d been hired, every week has been more fleeting glances, yearning touches, puckish banter. And last week… well, there’s no time for that, because now you’re beckoning him over, your hand wrapped around a tube of sunscreen. Taeil prances to you, complaisant.

“Sit,” you urge, dragging a wicker stool in front of you. “You’re done for today, right?”

“Yeah, water didn’t need treatment this week. Just skimmed the surface for debris.” Taeil hesitates. He feels awkward after last week, when he’d kissed you. Yes, kissed you. You haven’t said a word about it since, and there’s no way in hell he’s doing it first. “But, it’s okay. I’m gonna go soon.”

“Aww, please, Taeil? Sit?” You pat the chair and smile, eyelashes glinting in the sun. That’s all it takes for Taeil to succumb, the rattan crackling beneath his weight. Your fingers graze his arm. “It’s a hot day, huh? A swim would be nice.”

His eyebrows crease. "Sorry, were you waiting?"

“No, no, it’s fine.” You tilt your head. “But…”

“What?”

“Do you want to go swimming with me?”

Taeil fists the material of his swim shorts, spine erect. The fabric crinkles. Whether he wants to what? “Oh, uh, well, I don’t wanna intrude. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t be happy about me swimming in their pool.”

The heat of your body seeps into his skin as your arms coil around his. “They don’t mind, and if they did, they’re not home to say so.”

This feels like the start of a trashy porn. Taeil flushes. “Oh.”

“So? What do you say?”

His adam’s apple buoys. “Sure. Wouldn’t hurt, right?”

“Exactly.” The sunscreen’s cap clacks open. “Here, you gotta reapply more.” Taeil extends his palm, and you squeeze some into it.

He deliberates his next move. It’s difficult to think when you’re gazing at him like that, lashes batting and lips curled into a demure smile. “You don’t mind if I”–he rubs his nape with a free hand–“uh, take off my shirt, right? I don’t wanna dirty your pool.”

“Sure! I definitely wouldn’t mind, so long as you’re okay with it.” You tuck your knees to your chest. “Why? Do you want me to look away?”

“No, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making you uncomfortable.” Taeil’s going to pass out, he’s betting money on it.

He doesn’t, but he does glow incandescent when he strips himself of his clammy shirt. The humid air only exacerbates his feverish blush.

Growing up, Taeil’s parents always emphasised presentability, and he’s nothing if not presentable. He’s proud of his physique, diligently maintaining it with rigorous exercise, and sure, he’s had a few self-conscious blips, but they’re transient. Taeil knows he’s attractive, yet under your keen eye, he rubs sunscreen–on his neck, chest, and abdomen–hunched forward.

“Do you need help?” You peer over his shoulder, wagging the aquamarine bottle like bait. “With your back. You know, for the spots you can’t reach?”

You’ll be the death of him. You’re going to kill him, but he honestly wouldn’t mind that. Taeil’s never had any ‘spots he can’t reach’, but, “Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

Your fingers are ridiculously delicate, like you’re weaving gossamer across his back–sunscreen webs, if that’s a thing. Taeil’s sure someone would pay grotesquely for that. Mr. Liu would.

Neither of you speak, only the sound of skin against skin drifting alongside the scent of coconut oil and cocoa butter. At one point, your nails unintentionally trail his back, and Taeil shivers.

His body tingles with the vestige of your touch, and when he assumes you’re done, you stun him with a good, hard, satisfying squeeze to his shoulders; the ones twined rigid from graft. Taeil actually groans in relief, which had probably stunned you. Or maybe that’s what you were hoping for.

Internally, he’s broiling in mortification, but externally, his shoulders slacken, his head hangs forward, and his exhales are long and grateful. It’s embarrassing. For crying out loud, he has his own professional masseuse, yet when it’s you doing it–yeah, he needn’t elaborate further. He’s gushed about you enough.

“Feels nice, right?”

“God, yeah, it feels”–a particularly forceful squeeze elicits another groan from him–“good. Do you have any experience? You’re amazing at this.”

“Just my dad. When I was younger he used to pay me to massage his shoulders after work,” you say, fingers miraculously knowing exactly which muscle to knead at what intensity. Is this what heaven feels like? “Well, there was also the massage course I signed up for a few years ago.”

“Well”–another sigh–“it definitely paid off.”

“It better have, given how pricey it was.” Your lilt is roguish, and it sounds like you’re enjoying this as much as Taeil is.

He wants to die like this, but you’re already standing, and stretching your arms overhead before he can really soak the sensation in.

“Let’s go for that swim, huh?”

“Uh,” Taeil blinks, dazed, “yeah.”

He trails after you, facing away when you lower yourself into the water without qualms. Duh, it’s your pool. Why would you have scruples about swimming in your pool? Taeil, on the other hand, dithers, because it’s not his pool, and he can’t help but fret that your parents could walk in on you swimming with the pool boy.

“Hurry up! A little water’s not gonna hurt you.”

“I’m not scared of the water,” he says, staring pointedly at you. He’s never felt so vehemently for someone before, and you’re so… unpredictable. It’s invigorating. It’s terrifying. Do you like him, or are you just bored?

He ventures as far as sitting on the edge of the pool’s deck, where water kisses concrete. His legs dangle, acclimating to both the temperature, and the reality that he really is about to jump into his employer’s pool. The water is cold, caressing his leg as you wade closer to stand between his knees. Your eyes sweep over him. Taeil’s stomach coils. He hopes you like what you see.

“You okay?” you ask, hand over his right knee. It’s freezing. “You look a little flushed.”

Your hand crawls further up his leg. “Yeah,” he scoffs, “I wonder why.”

“Aw, don’t be shy,” you grin, upturning your palms and offering them to him. “Come on.”

Taeil should’ve thought your motives through, but how could he have denied your invitation? He’s still a guy, and well, it’s you. Regardless, he should’ve scrounged up some semblance of prudence because it was blatant what you’d needed his hands for. To pull him under. Literally.

The tug is harsh and efficient, jolting him forward into the polar depths before he can object. Taeil’s not thinking straight–the stark contrast in temperatures pummel his rationality–so he grabs the closest thing he can: you. It’s reckless of him, given the two of you are in the deep end and he could drown you. But risks evade his psyche as he loops his arms around your waist, your body pressing into his. Fortunately, he won’t be facing charges anytime soon because you do resurface, still in his arms, and strangely, you’re not pissed, you’re laughing. Laughing so hard your head’s thrown back, and your body trembles. It’s not funny–you could’ve died for God’s sake–but Taeil feels a rumble course through him; a chuckle, a giggle, a laugh. Now, he’s laughing too, though there’s nothing funny about this. He’s laughing because you’re laughing, and that’s enough of a reason for him.

“Are you okay?” you finally say, titters dissolving into a faint smile. “That was mean of me, sorry.”

Your face is inches from his, so Taeil’s voice shrinks. “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry I grabbed onto you though. And, oh, uh”–he starts loosening his grip of you–“sorry I–”

"No, wait.” This time, it’s your arms curling around him. “It’s fine. I don’t mind this. It feels… nice.”

“Yeah… it - it does.”

The water laps at his sternum, and Taeil takes his chances by nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. You let him, though neither of you know each other enough for this kind of intimacy. Maybe that’s why he’s so enthralled by you. Hell, you don’t even know he’s the son of some rich socialite. To you, he’s just the pool boy. Maybe that’s why you’re playing along with him. Because there’s something exhilarating about chasing something you shouldn’t when you’ve never had to run before. Because there’s a thrill in pain when you’re unscathed. Because when you’re someone like you and Taeil, mistakes can be afforded. Anyway, what does Taeil know of pain? In fact, what does he know of you to think this? It isn’t like he knows what your intentions are with him. You’re unpredictable. That’s your whole schtick. It’s funny, because Taeil knows your pool’s pH levels better than you.

Your fingers scrape into his sopping hair.

Or maybe he likes you for you. Maybe he likes what little of you he does know. So, does he want to know more?

“What do you think of me?” he murmurs against your skin.

“You’re fun.”

“Is that all?”

“Well, then, what do you think of me?”

Taeil lifts his head from your shoulder, the strength of his embrace withering. “Honestly, I don’t really know.”

You grin. “See? It’s hard to put into words, right?”

“I guess,” he smiles. You make it sound nice that you don’t know him. You make it sound like there’s just too much that you can’t express it. Maybe that’s what’s happening right now. Maybe there’s just too much Taeil likes about you to comprehend, so he thinks there’s nothing he really likes about you at all.

“You’re funny, Taeil.”

He isn’t. “Thanks.”

Taeil’s unsure how much time passes; long enough that the water’s gone tepid at least.

“Do you… like me?” he asks. Maybe if he hears you say yes, he’ll know what all the things he adores about you are.

There’s a pause.

“You’re fun, right?” you ask, thumbing a rivulet from his cheek.

“Yeah, I’ve been told I am.”

“Then, yes.” Your lips brush his. “I like you, Taeil.”

[blossom-hwa]

college model!juyeon

SO the people have spoken (aka 3 people but it’s more than 0 so I DON’T CARE) and without further ado HERE WE GO IT’S A COLLEGE MODEL JUYEON BLURB. please reblog if you enjoyed and check out my other dumb overly long blurbs in the stream of idiocy tag on my blog <3

pairing: juyeon x gender neutral!reader

wc: 2.4k

genre: fluff, a bit of angst when mc is stressed, university!au

triggers: cursing, like the tiniest bit of suggestive stuff but absolutely nothing explicit (it’s really just saying juyeon is hot which wbk)

fashion major!kevin

TBZ Scenarios Masterlist | TBZ Drabbles Masterlist

so juyeon isn’t actual a professional model-model like he just happens to be v tall and v handsome and therefore catches the eye of every single fucking fashion major (and other people too) on campus but i’m focusing on the fashion majors because he is LITERALLY model material. have you seen those fucking arms and that fucking face ANYWAY MOVING ON juyeon is an absolute sweetheart behind those stupid muscles and anyone who works with him swears it is impossible like legitimately impossible not to fall in love with his dumb little smile but the thing is juyeon only really agrees to model for fashion major kevin usually like sometimes kevin will pull in a favor and ask him to model for someone else who can’t find anyone (bc let’s be real kevin’s got a lot of friends he could definitely rope someone into modeling for him /cough the other 2/3 of bermuda line cough/ but more often than not kevin takes juyeon not bc juyeon is like the best model or whatever (he’s good obv but some people probably have more experience) but bc juyeon is the only one who will willingly wear some of kevin’s more questionable choices

and the fucking thing is. he still looks good in them. he walks down the runway in this weird ass shirt and pants or whatever the hell kevin’s cooked up for this assignment and people are like.... IT’S SO WEIRD BUT WHY IS JUYEON PULLING IT OFF

so YEAH juyeon is happily modeling his way through college while doing a dance major (one time kevin did his makeup to purposely make him look slightly sweaty and the crowd went fucking insane) and he’s got a lot of things going for him, looks, talent, hard work, etc. and he’s v good at dancing, one of the top in his year so in exchange for his modeling work kevin goes to his dance recitals/competitions to cheer him on and that’s actually how juyeon meets you

you’re feeling shitty bc you just broke up with your partner for whatever reason, let’s just say it was not an amicable breakup and you were about to hole yourself up in 1. the dorm or 2. the lab and just drown yourself in work to forget everything but kevin is one of your good friends and he rolls up and is like. nah. fuck no i’m taking you out we are going to get lunch and then we are going to go see my model friend at one of his dance recitals i promise you it will be FUN and??? you can’t exactly refuse because it’s kevin and he’s not wrong you actually do need to go outside and get some fresh air bc the only time you have left a building over the past week or so is to 1. go to class/the lab from your dorm or 2. to go to your dorm from class/the lab (you are a science major here bc i am a science major and i am heavily projecting ok don’t come at me. though i will say you do theoretical physics which i DO NOT DO but i think it’s cool if mind-blowing so again. projection. despite the fact that i will not touch quantum mechanics after today with a ten foot pole)

so kevin forces you outside and the day is going ok like it’s nice out and he pays for the food and the dance recital is amazing and juyeon has this mf solo that’s absolutely gorgeous and you’re like hitting kevin in the shoulder like omg dude how did you score a friend this talented and he’s like??? what the fuck do you mean by that are you saying i’m not talented and you’re like. well. and then he threatens to deck you but it’s all in good fun anyway MOVING ON when the recital is over kevin drags you over to meet juyeon bc he’s like! it is unacceptable that two of my good friends do not know each other and juyeon if you’re not doing anything you should come with us to dinner! and juyeon is like well i was going to go out with the dance team but you two could come with us and he’s all smiley and soft and you half want to praise the heavens and half want to go to hell bc he looks so sweet and happy and lovely and it’s an honor to be in his presence but at the same time you haven’t left a building for like a week and you’re pretty sure you still have eyebags that haven’t disappeared (jokes on you they’ll never disappear this is university) but kevin says yes for both of you and so you end up with dinner plans too

and it’s fun! everyone is really nice and even though you know nothing about dance you and juyeon end up having v cool conversation about each other’s interests and all that and you’re so immersed in talking with him that you don’t see kevin giving you side-eyes next to you every five fucking minutes (he’s like well. i didn’t see this coming but i’m not going to complain) and by the end of the night you have juyeon’s number in your phone and you’ve made plans to get coffee before class the next day (you don’t have the same class but they’re in adjacent buildings and at the same time so why not) and you go back to your dorm feeling happier than you’ve felt all week

it continues like this?? like it’s actually v weird bc even when you two don’t have plans to meet up juyeon just magically appears around where you’re supposed to be and when you remark on this at one point juyeon just kinda blushes and diverts the topic which makes you suspicious a little but he’s really sweet and has no stalker-ish vibes and you also double-check with kevin who just fucking starts laughing over the phone until you hang up bc he clearly doesn’t have the brain cells to talk to you anywho this is model juyeon and i haven’t talked about that much but HERE WE GO 

kevin has a fashion show assignment coming up and juyeon doesn’t have much time to hang out anymore between fittings with kevin + his own major so you end up carting your ass to the fitting sessions after kevin invites you once to see what’s going on and juyeon actually gets scared by all the numbers n shit on your papers bc like what the fuck y/n are you a computer and you just whap him over the head with your stack of homework and say no shut the fuck up and model pretty boy (you don’t see but juyeon blushes bc you called him pretty. kevin saw though and he’s not impressed) but you end up not focusing on your homework bc kevin has juyeon put on and take off clothes at multiple points during the session and ofc if it’s pants or whatever juyeon goes into a different room but if it’s just a shirt.... let’s just say you get a free show and at some point you’re just like yeah i have to go and kevin’s like?? there’s still an hour left and you say something like i can’t focus here the vibes are off and KEVIN KNOWS WHAT’S UP but juyeon is adorably oblivious so he’s just like! ok! see you later y/n i hope you get your homework done :) and he’s so smiley and cute and you just want to melt and cry bc he’s shirtless which is hot asf but he’s also smiling like that which is cute asf and you’re getting whiplash

(you still end up joining the sessions every so often. you bring homework to try and get it done but your time is either spent critiquing kevin’s fashion choices or staring subtly (not) at juyeon)

then a not good week rolls around and it’s just been absolutely shitty between crap professors and too much homework and your lab is working on submitting a paper soon and you’re stressed to the max and to top things off you saw your ex earlier and they tried to talk to you and you really didn’t want to have it so you’re in the lab crying over your computer while you try to proofread the stupid paper and your phone is off bc you don’t want to talk to anyone but then the door bursts open and you nearly have a heart attack and there juyeon stands in clothes that definitely aren’t his own (they’re too sleek and fancy to be normal clothes at least) and his eyes are kinda wild before they locate you in the corner of the room, shell-shocked and confused and also still crying a little bit out of stress 

and oh god juyeon’s eyes just soften totally and he walks over and before you know it you’re being pulled into a juyeon hug which is quite possibly one of the best hugs you have felt in a very long time and you’re doing your best not to break down right then and there bc his clothes feel hella expensive and he’s asking you what’s wrong and you can’t speak bc if you do you’ll cry on his model clothing and you finally manage to say that and there’s a beat of silence and then juyeon just goes well would it help if i took the shirt off 

AND THAT JUST SETS YOU OFF AND NOW YOU’RE CRYING AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME AND JUYEON IS HALF SMILING HALF UPSET THAT YOU’RE STILL SAD BUT LIKE IT’S FINE IT’S TOTALLY FINE AND somehow you manage not to ruin kevin’s latest fashion creation (which makes juyeon look unfairly handsome even through your puffy eyes) and juyeon closes your laptop and takes you out to the convenience store (still dressed in his modeling outfit jfc) and over shitty ramen and alcohol (or water/juice/whatever if you don’t drink) you tell him about your crap week and juyeon commiserates and listens

at some point you ask him why he’s still wearing kevin’s clothes like?? surely you weren’t running around in them all day and juyeon just looks down and mumbles something and you’re like speak louder dude i can’t hear you and apparently he was in the middle of a session w kevin and kevin looked super stressed and worried and juyeon asked what was up and he told him about how you weren’t responding to anything and juyeon just. booked it the fuck out of there to find you and well now here you both are

and that. that just touches the FUCK out of you and wow you’re crying again bc of that and out of guilt for not talking to kevin or anyone and juyeon’s freaking out like oh my god please stop crying did i say something wrong and you’re just wiping your tears away with a napkin like no you doofus i’m sorry i made you worried it was just that shitty week and??? why did you sprint out of there IN KEVIN’S MODEL CLOTHES you gotta give those back??? and it looks like silk you know that’s going to be a bitch to clean

juyeon just pouts then and mumbles something under his breath and is like. it’s not more important than you.

which makes you reel bc that sounded a lot more like a confession than you’re really ready to process and juyeon seems to realize that at the same time and now you two are both just wide-eyed staring at each other and juyeon’s ears are going red and you’re still in shock and at some point you’re like... juyeon you stupid bastard say that again and he DOES and okay maybe you’re not dating by the end of the night but you sure are two weeks later when you ask him whether or not this is now a date and if he’s your boyfriend and juyeon spills coffee all over himself

(he mumbles yes as you’re wiping the coffee off his front though so it’s fine)

(it does not help that the coffee has now made the outline of his stomach visible)

anyway in general it’s a v cute and v sweet relationship :D juyeon is head over heels for you and you’re head over heels for him too and you’re not like the over the top sweet and gross couple you two like to keep it a little low-key but ofc that doesn’t stop kevin from banning you from fitting sessions w juyeon out of fear that you’ll like make out while juyeon’s wearing the modeling clothes but that’s just kevin being a little shit so it’s fine

juyeon manages to bring that silk shirt back to kevin in one clean piece

you manage not to die every time you go to one of juyeon’s dance recitals (even when he puts in a fake eyebrow piercing and you almost have a heart attack)

juyeon often likes to come into the lab for nothing other than to watch you work bc according to him its fascinating to watch you manipulate numbers and actually the lab is a v nice and quiet place to get things done when it’s mostly empty so you have a few study dates there

you go to juyeon’s dance practices sometimes when you have nothing better to do and get excited over showing him the physics of some of the dance moves and juyeon understands almost none of it but he’s beaming bc you’re so excited and animated while talking about it and the first time this happens is when you two have your first kiss. you ask juyeon if he was kissing you to shut you up and he says no i just thought you looked so happy that i had to kiss you

juyeon is a gentleman and you are like the sarcastic best friend turned lover but it really works out and yea there are a lot of people jealous that you managed to wrap juyeon around your finger but you’re also wrapped around his it’s v much a partnership where both of you rely on each other and yeah. it’s sweet. it’s lovely. juyeon hot but more important juyeon best boyfriend ever <3

and that’s how it goes.

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for kevin’s clothes let’s all pray that no tears stain his silk)