#also for those of you who haven't seen the original/first post about this house:

[nostalgicfun]

"The doll room"

[lynaferns]

The Forest On The Other Side

Chapter 1: I want to go home.

Ver. [ENGLISH / SPANISH]

EDIT: This fic is now on AO3

A girl gets lost in the forest and finds a misterious gate in the middle of nowhere. At the other side she meets a... very peculiar individual who seems to only want to befriend her and play. Everything seems fine. Until night falls and someone else joins to play...

Again, I appreciate feedback about the english adaptation. English is not my first lenguage and I still mess up sometimes.

This is in some way a more "joyful" story than BIOMáquina, still with its dark themes. I wrote this a year ago. By this I mean I forced myself to get it written down and ended up hating it and burning myself out. A couple of weeks ago I decided to reread it and I though it was pretty ok actually, so I edited it a bit to make it flow better. It used to be written more as a script for the comic I wanted to draw buuuut that didn't happen (cough stressed myself out cough forced myself cough don't force yourself to make content out of a hobby, a hobby is supposed to be for your own fun). I'm not completely satisfied with the final draft but I think is good enough for my first ever fic written.

I originally planned to make it a Y/N thing but that didn't last long. But I keeped the original idea of the first person POV. The Y/N stories I've read has always some narrator telling you what you do insert you in the story. I thought of making the MC the narrator, this way the reader can insert themselves like it's their story or they can read it as if someone else is telling them a story. This is also a bit limiting, since the narration is also the MCs thought process and sometimes I may skip details MC couldn't have seen.

AU, Magical forest, DCA centered, Sun fnaf, Moon fnaf, Elves Sun & Moon, OC, Selfinsert, Character & OC, platonic, friendship, slowburn (kind of), Moon is agresive at first, Moon is also a bit of a gremlin, Protective Sun (I think), OC is a potty mouth, Female Main Character, First person, Angst.

The first post where I showed this AU and my first sketches ideas.

Tumblr archive with all of the art, ideas and anwsered asks.

Youtube Playlist which I'm pretty proud of how it turned out :] It's in a specific order but you can put it on mix.

Note: even though I try to keep things light some things may be triggering for some readers.

CW: Anxiety, Suicide ideation, Implied death, Choking, Non sexual abuse.

Wordcount: 9,700 (It's not rounded, that's literally the number Word tells me it's at lol)

Welp.

Here we are again, in the old village house (yey...). Well, 'I am', my family won't arrive to settle in for another week. They brought me here beforehand a few days ago for organizational reasons. They took a quick look inside before they left to see the state of the house, if it needed any repairs and such, and they headed back to the city. While they finish preparing everything, I take care of the house and text them messages about anything that may be needed for when they return.

We haven't been here in years, the house needs some repairs, and I'm sorry for the spiders, but it could use a deep cleaning. We can't do a deep cleaning but I have been cleaning what I can these last few days, at least so that it looks decent... at first glance.

Well, it's not like anyone is coming to visit.

It's a quiet town, until the kids from the town next door come to make a racket with their bikes. They play in our field, scare away the cats and throw cans around. They are assholes.

Anyways, the people in the village are nice. The adults I mean, the kids I used to play with, I don't get along with them anymore. Some of them aren't kids anymore, we have grown up and are going down different paths. But those who are still kids... they're still interested in the only older kid in the town who listened to them and let them do whatever they wanted, to a certain extent.

I don't want them to come looking for me to go out and play. I've been avoiding them by saying that I'm busy cleaning the house and getting it ready for when my family arrives, but I feel like interacting with them less and less. That's why I'm going out to the woods behind the house to get lost for a while, as always. The kids don't go near the forest so they won't bother me there.

There is an area for tourism and hiking but not many people come, some police cars border the forest from time to time but they never go inside. The reports of missing people in this forest have been coming in for decades, only some lost children have returned but there is no trace of any of the adults who disappeared along with the rest of the children. The areas marked with signs are safe but you can't go out of bounds unless you want to disappear with those people.

And I, who right now am alone and with no one to notice my absence if I go missing, am going to head straight to the forest. Don't you think, I don't want to disappear, I just don't like people and I usually go into the forest but I don't go too far away. As long as I see my house in the distance, I know how to return.

I grab my bag with my sketchbook and pencil case, in case I feel like drawing (probably won't) and step out to the back porch. The outer sliding metal door that protects the inner one is rusty and difficult to open. It would be better to oil it but I don't know when it will be done, considering that the broken railing has had a wooden board tied to it for years. I already sent my mother a message talking about it.

I enter the forest and start walking around. It's hot, of course, it's early summer, but it's quite noticeable after being in the cool inside the brick and stone house. That's the good thing about coming here in summer, the houses are made to stay cold inside and it's great, sometimes I even need to wear a jacket. But outside I'm dying, the trees don't provide enough shade. In fact, some trees are missing. I used to have my routes memorized but time has passed and some paths have changed, some have disappeared and others have formed. I admit that it makes me a little sad... I began to walk absorbed in my thoughts not paying attention to where I was going.

I'm walking away, I should go back. I'm not going to draw anything here anyway, and it's hotter outside than inside so I'm gonna to turn around-

I hear screams and laughter in the distance, the sound of the voices produces me an immediate disgust. It's those kids from the next door village. They must have come to 'investigate' about the disappearances or maybe they don't care and they just came to be idiots-

They're getting closer.

I don't want them to see me. God. Don't let them see me. Anyone but them. They're getting closser. Don't let them see me. I can't go back home now. They're cutting me off. Of all the people who could have found me. It had to be them. No, please. Don't let them see me. I have to go further into the forest, I can't let them see me. They're getting closer. Don't let them see me. I want to leave. I want to leave. I'm getting too far. I want to leave. I don't see my house. I want to leave. I don't see the village. I want to leave. I don't see the kids.

...

...

...

Where am I?

Fuck.

Where am I?

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

…

—

Now I'm wandering through the forest. I don't want to go back. I want to get out of here. Even though I'm walking in a straight line I feel like I'm going around in circles, and I'm not going to get out of here now. Great. I'm lost. Now what? People who get lost in this forest don't return, no one has returned except for some children.

...

I'm going to disappear.

...

For now I keep walking until something happens. Maybe there's an animal that kills people who get lost, or maybe it's a group of kidnappers, or maybe I should stop giving myself anxiety and focus on getting out of here. Maybe if I find a field or road, or even the tourist area, I'll be able to get out of here and return bordering the fores-

...

There is... colorful graffitis on the trees. Someone has painted eyes, hands, stars and more on the bark of the trees...

What's this?

I don't know where I've come to, I didn't know this was here, in the middle of nowhere in the forest. The trees have red leaves like in autumn even though summer has just started... The first thing I thought was 'climate change's fault' but there is something that stands out in the middle of this entire flat area and it is disturbing me.

In the center there is a kind of circular gate made of stones supported by roots.

Okay, maybe it doesn't sound aaaaas disturbing as, I don't know, a totem with a human figure being impaled or something, but it's giving me a bad vibe. What is this place? Who built a stone arch in the middle of everything and why?

A bird appears flying from behind me and goes through the gate, but nothing comes out on the other side... wait what? how? The bird has crossed the gate, and disappeared behind the stone arch? ...I had to imagine it, it's not possible that that happened. I approach the arch but not before picking up a rock from the ground and throwing it to the other side of the gate.

It's still there.

…

For some reason the thought of going through the gate makes me uncomfortable, so I go around it.

...

...And the rock? It's not there.

I go back and look from inside the portal.

The rock is there.

...

I look from outside. The rock is not there. I repeat this multiple times. Rock. No rock. Rock. No rock. Rock. No rock... What?

Alright, this is weird, this is VERY weird.

Even though it is clear that this isn't normal, I have to go back, pick up a fallen branch from the ground and pass it through the portal. This time I don't throw it, I've grabbed a branch long enough to see it peek out from the other side of the arch.

...

Welp.

I should be seeing not only the branch, but also my hand sticking out of the side, but I'M NOT SEEING IT. OKAY. OK. ALRIGHT. IT'S CONFIRMED. THIS IS WEIRD.

I'm asleep, right? Or unconscious. I must have passed out from exhaustion from endlessly wandering through the woods and I'm delirious or something. No, wait, it can't be, in my dreams I'm not this aware of what's around me. Where am I?

A breeze begins to pass through the gate. It's getting stronger but not enough to push me. The leaves rise from the ground and float towards the portal, none slipping outside, all entering through the stone arch. Suddenly the breeze that had become wind stops. The leaves fall to the ground.

...

I look back for a moment, as if there was something behind me that could help me make a decision. Grabbing with both hands my bag strap I look back at the portal again. Okay. Alright. This is possibly the death of me. I'm going to cross. I'm going to go to the other side. I'm just one step away from crossing. I wrinkle my face and narrow my eyes before taking the last step.

...

Nothing has happened. Everything seems the same. However, I know it's not the same... Or at least it doesn't feel the same!

Well, I've already crossed. I'm gonna... keep walking, I guess, even though this is scaring me and I don't know if I'll know how to go back. For now I'm moving forward. The red leaves have disappeared several meters ago. It's starting to look like a normal forest, except for the multicolored drawings and handprints that I keep seeing on the trees. In fact, it seems like the trees are taller with every step I take. So high that I can barely see the top. I almost tripped while looking up. Whether this is the same forest I come from, I no longer know.

This was a bad idea. I just hope to find something that'll help me know where I am, a sign or the road if possible.

*cling*

...?

I hit something with my foot. There is a ball attached to a small chain on the ground. Oh, no, wait. *cling diring ding* It's a rusty bell, I think. It doesn't have the typical cross-shaped hole or slot, rather it has several holes in a pattern. It looks like it can be opened.

There's nothing inside.

?

There's nothing? But I could have sworn it had rang. I close it again and shake it.

*...*

Nothing.

I'm going to put it in the bag, it's totally a good idea. I'll think about it later, for now I'm moving on.

—

I've been walking for a while now and throughout this time I had a constant chill on the back of my neck, as if someone had their eyes on me.

*din dirring* I hear a soft tinkling in the distance.

Okay, I'm not alone, awesome, what do I do now? Do I say hi and risk the potential danger finding me? Do I ignore the sound of bells and keep moving? It's very possible that whatever made that sound is watching me right now...

“Hello?” Still nervous, I try to say hello looking around “...” “Is someone there? H-hello?”

“-HEEEEELLO!”

“AAAAAH-!” I cover my mouth with my hands as I turn to look at what the hell has greeted me back. I take a few steps back while I look at the figure of earthy and sunny tones who responded, he seems as surprised as I am, I think (with the scream I made, normal), at least it looks like he's surprised. He wears a two toned wooden mask... it looks like a sun, with a crescent moon on its right... It gives the impression of two faces merged into one... Damn, he is tall, he's almost doubles my size. He appears to have two skin tones dividing him in half, his right side being the lighter and the left darker, especially the arm, which also has a light-colored tattoo of lines representing a sun symbol that covers from the shoulder to the pectoral and to the middle of the bicep. The right arm is covered by a long fingerless glove that reaches to the shoulder and is tied around the chest. He's wearing baggy pants with leaves coming out of the waist and legs, some... cloth boots? with a long toe bending sharply and curving in a geometric swirl with a bell at the tips, a bag hangs from the waistband of his pants and falls below his hips. His chest and neck are tied by ropes decorated with hanging stones, metals and crystals, he wears a pendant that ends in a carved symbol of a crescent moon with rays. Some of the 'sunrays' on his mask have ropes tied between them holding them in place and some metal dangling. Some red ribbons along with bells hang from his wrists.

“um... Helloooooo.” He greets again, this time he lowers his tone of voice. I manage to react, I turn around and walk away. “¡ah- eh- Wait!” Nope, I'm not going to wait and see what he does with me, I'm leaving. “He-! Hey!” Nope. I quicken my pace and try to get lost among the trees, changing direction every time he appears in my vision angle. “Human? Human-! FRIEND. Can I call you friend?!” Nope, nope, nopnop, nop, nop, nope. “Friend! Hey!” God, no, god, god, no, why are you following me? “Look, I know what you're trying to look for...! And believe me, you're not going to find it~!” How are you still following me? Where do you come from? “Hey! Listen! Why don't we do something else besides running in circles!?” Noooooooooo... “There are TONS of other activities we could do! Like... HOLY MOLY, look at this stick! Do you like sticks!?” Leave me aloneee... “You aren't looking at it! Okay, alright, you don't like sticks, erm... what might be of interest to you...” If I don't look at it it doesn't exist. “Could you help me a little here?” I want to leave... “Look, no matter how much you wander around, you won't find the portal-!”

“STOP—! STOP FOLLOWING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!” The sudden scream startles him again, making him jump in place. He stands completely still looking at me. I'm leaving before he gets angry.

“B-but I- ...okay.” I thought I heard him say before I left him behind.

It seems that this time he's not following me, finally... Although I'm not calm, he could still be following me and simply not be in sight. Anyway, I think I'm coming back? I hope I am. I want to find that portal as soon as possible and go back to the house- what the fu-? “WHY?”

He's there. Right where I left him. Sitting on a rock. Waiting. “...! I haven't moved from the spot!”

“Yeah- but- WHY?”

“Because I knew you were going to come back here!”

“...What?”

“Is what I was trying to tell you! You can't leave! No matter how hard you try to find the portal, it won't appear before you!” The Sunman exclaimed.

“…” I'm just about to turn around. In fact, I'm already turning around.

“N-No, wait! Please don't go!” I stop in my track and look back at him. He gets off the rock he was sitting on but remains squatting, almost at my height, a little below. I move back, keeping my distance. He puts his hands up. “Look, I'm not doing anything! I won't chase you! Just- ...don't go.”

“…”

“L-look, listen, there's no way it's going to show up! Well, not to you at least. But even if you find it back, it won't work! It only works when it wants to work.”

“...” Let's imagine that I trust what he says “Ok... and when does it want to be working?”

“...” “No idea!”

“...”

“...”

I'm about to collapse on the spot. At least he doesn't seem hostile, for now. “...” “Okay... Good... Great...” “...” “FanTAS-tic.”

“...” “You don't seem like it.”

*ಠ_ಠ* I could only look to the side in frustration in response to that. I looked back at him with concern showing on my face and grabbing the strap of my bag with both hands. “And... what... do you plan to do with me?”

He took his hand to the chin of his mask and with the other he held his elbow in a comical thoughtful pose. “MmmmnnDUN know! What do you plan to do?” He asked so nonchalantly. He ended up sitting on the ground crossing his legs. “You have a good while until the portal opens again...!”

“...”

“...”

“...”

He started swaying. The silence has become uncomfortable for a while now, but I can't organize myself on what to say, and I don't know if I trust him. I don't even know if he's human, although something tells me he's not.

“You could wait here.” He suggested, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Or anywhere else, if you want. I would recommend somewhere high like the treetops (for no particular reason)! If you're going to wait... But wouldn't that be really boring?” There was something in his tone of voice... “Being there... at the top of a tree... waiting... alone... with no friends to hang out with (can I call you a friend?). Aaall on your own until the portal opens again.” He looks aside for a moment “...” And back at me again. “With no one to be with you.” He repeats the head motion “...” “alone...” Wow... I wonder what he's implying, ahem. “Wouldn't you want to have someone...? ...Someone...keeping you company?” Yeah, yeah...

“...” I guess... “I-I guess I wouldn't want to be alon-?”

He rises to his knees. “That's what I thought! Do you want me to accompany you? Only if you want! But can I?” He clasped his hands together as if asking a favor.

“um...”

“Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?” He approaches, dragging his knees on the ground.

I'm starting to miss personal space. “Okay! Okay, alright...”

“REALLY?” He started hopping and jumping around me. “OH, ohoho hO! Great! Oh, there are TONS of things we could do! Like... Like...!” He moves faster, doing bigger and bigger flips and jumps, it almost seems that he is very light, as if the breeze of air lifted him. “We could paint and decorate trees! Or we can also paint on rocks! Or paint leaves! Or paint us! Oh! We can tell stories! I'm very good at making shadows and puppets.” He moves from place to place with each sentence he says. “We can also play something!” It's moving so fast all I can see is the wind and the leaves it stirs up as it moves. “Anything! Whatever you want!” Finally he stopped in front of me half crouched. “What do ya say?! Hmm! Friend!?”

“Don't... call me like that.” Makes me feel awkward.

“Oh...why not-? Oh true, true! How silly, I don't know your name! What do you call yourself, potential friend?”

“...”

“...” “Aren't... you gonna tell me your name?”

I twist the bag strap “Depends...” I must say I'm a little skeptical about this. “Are there any consequences for telling you my name?”

“...Consequences...?”

“Like... I don't know... Mmm-by telling you my name I become your possession and cannot regain my freedom until... certain conditions are met...”

“...”

“...”

“Why- how-? Where did you get that from!?” It did sound a bit stupid when I said it out loud.

“I dunno- that's what they say in old children's stories about elves and fairies!” I just hope the embarrassment isn't showing on my face.

“Really?” I could feel his deadpan expression behind the mask.

I shrugged.

“...” “Okay... Oh, what if I tell you my name first? Will you tell me yours? It's only fair, I'm Sun!”

“...”

“Can I know your name now?” He asked expectantly.

“...How do I know you're not trying to trick me?”

“...” I must be driving him crazy with this “The only thing I can do with your name is treasure it in my memory.” He put his hands together as if he was carefully holding something and brought them to the forehead of the mask. I gave him a distrustful look. It doesn't seem like it made him desist “Please?”

I grip at my worn out bag strap “...” “ Fern...” I ended up murmuring.

“Hmm? Fern? OH, I like it!” “Sounds like FRIEND.” He emphasized the last word by making a gesture like jazz hands, leaning to the side and moving his head closer to me.

“Yeah... I think you are missing a couple of letters.”

He straightened his posture again. “Nope, I don't think so!”

“You're still not my friend.”

“Oooowwwwwnnnnnggghhh” He lowers his head dramatically until it practically touches the ground “nnnnnnngggghh, alright!” And cartwheels to stand up again “So... what will it be?”

“Hm?”

He straightened his posture and puts his arms on his hips “We have plenty of time, ya? What do you wanna to do?”

“I don't know, what do you want to do-?” Bad mistake.

“Come with me!”

“aaAAAAA-!” Before I knew it, he had grabbed my arm and I was being dragged through the woods. We visited several places and he offered me an activity to do in each of them.

—

Sun took me to a place where the trees were full of colorful paint “We practice painting on the trees here!” He said.

“Ah.” That explains the crossed out lines and the repeated imperfect shapes. By the look of it is also where he tests the quality of the paint.

“Do you want us to paint something!?”

“Not really...”

“Oh, would you prefer it to be on a rock?”

“Nah.”

“...And in star leaves-?”

“I don't want to paint, Sun.”

“Oh... Well, I can show you more places!”

“OkayyEEEEEE-” And I'm being dragged away again.

—

He brought me to another area of the forest, the ground here seemed more leveled. Not a single tree was straight, all of them were twisted and even seemed to be hollow. “How about playing something!? Like hide and seek-! No, wait, I can’t let you out of my sight.” He mumbled at the end “And chase?! We can climb a tree and see who reaches the top first! We have a place full of vines and it's perfect for swinging- and jumping from one tree to another-!”

“I don't... really want to move a lot…” With the way he runs without getting tired and me, who doesn't exercise... he would let me dead.

“Oh... well, theeen-”

—

We arrived at a place full of vegetation and humidity. Sun seemed quite excited... “This place is full of insects! We can look for cool bugs!”

“Mmmmmnoooo... I don't want to.” I had to tell him, trying to show as little disinterest as I could.

“You don't like them?” He sounded a little disappointed hearing my reaction.

“No, I do like them, some of them, but I don't like to touch them.” And I'm terrified of them flying into my face.

“Oh, well, it's okay!” He said brushing it off and we moved on to the next stop.

—

“I know that bird!” He stopped us on the way to point at a robin high up on a branch.

“ah.” I said as I removed leaves from my hair and clothes, and checked that I still had my glasses.

“He's a little rascal!”

“...” I think the bird is making us the equivalent of 'mooning'.

—

“Look fish-! Oh, they're gone…” The noise must have scared them away “We can go find more places to look at them if you want!”

“...” “...no, pass...”

“…”

—

“Look at this stick!” Sun had suddenly sprinted past me, picked up something from the ground, and came back just as fast, showing me the stick as if it were a sword.

“oh.” It's a cool stick, must admit it.

“Do you want to look for more sticks!?”

“No...”

“oh...” He looked at the ground in disappointment.

“Why would we go looking for sticks? There are all over the ground.” Specifically, in this area the ground was all sticks. We are literally just stepping on sticks right now. I don't see the ground.

“Variety!” Sun said pointing at the ground with both hands. A branch is heard falling in the distance.

—

“That's a deer!” He pointed at the deer passing nearby. The deer stopped to look at us.

“Yeah, I see.”

“We call 'em Adoquín!”

“...Why is it called Adoquí-?”

*THUMP!*

“…”

The deer smacked itself against a tree when trying to run away. It stands still for a minute, processing the hit, looks at a side and then the other, then runs off again but this time avoiding the tree.

Another *thump!* is heard in the distance.

“...” Alright.

—

“Do you wannaaaa look for pine cones? There will be some fallen around here. Oh! We can also look for mushrooms!”

I keep saying no to everything he suggests and it doesn't look like he's going to run out of ideas to pass the time. In fact, he's very insistent that we do something. I guess at some point I'll have to say yes to something. “...” “...okay...”

“Hmm?! Okay? Okay to what?” His exaggerated surprise offends me but I don't blame him.

“To... I don't know, pine cones?”

“...You don't look very convinced.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“OKAY! On the hunt for pine cones then!” I startle a little at the sudden shout. He makes a pose pointing in a direction, as if he were leading an expedition.

He takes me through the forest looking for pine cones. We aren't finding many, especially me who's not paying any interest. He tries encouraging me to put more effort into it but I keep looking at my boots.

We passed near a shingle river. I find a pebble at my feet and bend down to pick it up and take a better look. It's like a bluish gray, it has some reddish lines in the shape of waves, it feels good to the touch.

I hear the soft tinkling of a bell and feel a shadow fall beside me. “You like pebbles?” Sun is crouched next to me with his arms full of pine cones.

“…” I nod.

We go down to the river and spend some time collecting pebbles with curious shapes or small details of colors, lines, spots, etc. He comes over to show me one every time he finds weird shapes.

“…”

*rin* This time he's hunched over resting his hands on his knees. “You look… a little down.”

“…”

“Hey... we can do something else if you're tired of the pebbles.”

“...” I drop the pebbles I was looking at on the ground.

“...” He turns his gaze from me to the sky. It hasn't gotten late enough to be getting dark, but it's been a while between the walks we've taken (dragging me from here to there), looking for pine cones and then pebbles in the river. He looks back at me. “Oh, I know! Can I take you to one last place? A better place than the ones I've shown you!”

“…” I got up from the ground and waited for him to start leading to follow him.

We enter the increasingly thick forest. The trees are taller and bigger, in fact, I start to see platforms and bridges lying between the trees, I even see small shanties in them.

“Wait here!” He takes a run and jumps onto one of the trees with bridges. He takes three steps running up the tree, with a jump he pushes himself off and climbs with agility until he reaches the platform and climbs on it. “Just a moment!” It can't be seen from here but I can faintly hear some squeaks. I have no idea of what he's doin-

*rush*

“........eh?”

A rope.

A rope has fallen. At the level of my head.

“.......”

What?

…

He said he knew a better place.

No. It can't be this.

“Is it at a good height?! Can you reach it?!” He says...

It can't be.

A better place.

He can't be referring to this.

A better place.

A better place. A better place. A better place. A better place.

“Can you put your foot in?!”

“..........” For some reason what he said throws me off. “WAT-?”

“Can you put your foot in the loop and hold on to the rope so I can pull you up!?”

“..............”

“You can't climb trees, can you?! ...or you can?"

… “...” Oh “....It's...It's too high!”

“Okay!” Squeaks are heard and the rope descends to the ground.

I put my foot into the rope as he told me and hold on to it. “O-okay...!”

“Are you ready!?”

“Yes!”

“Okay!”

He begins to pull up the rope (which doesn't tighten around my foot as it supports my weight) and helps me up to the platform. (That's what it was for, obviously, what else would he want? I'm such an...) “Come on!” He says cheerfully, as always, and takes me over the bridges. “You seem tense... Don't tell me you're afraid of heights!”

“S-something like that... it's nothing.” He tilts his head at that but he says nothing. I have an unpleasant sensation in my throat.

We arrived at a high place with a view of waterfalls, I can't see above the trees. We sat on one of the bridges, resting our arms on the rope that serves as a railing and letting our legs hang off the bridge. I've thought about taking out the sketchbook to draw... but I don't really feel like it right now, so I just quietly observe the landscape. It is a better place, yeah.

…

I feel watched. I turn to look at him ...Of course he was looking at me. I don't even know whether to say something or keep quiet. ...I decide... not to say anything and look to the front.

“You... aren't very talkative, huh.”

“…”

“Not that it's a bad thing! Many people who have come here weren't very talkative at first either.” More people...

“...” “I have… nothing to talk about.” I don't want to talk.

“...” “Well, I do.”

“…”

“If it's okay with you, of course.” He laughed. Although something tells me that he is going to talk anyway.

“…”

“...” “What brings you to the forest?”

“...” Really? “I got lost.”

“Yeah, I already know!” He says between laughs “But what made you get lost?”

“...” “There was a group of kids I didn't want to get close to and I decided to go into the woods to lose them.” He makes a 'hum' sound and looks at me expectantly waiting for me to continue “And... I ended up getting myself lost...”

“...” “Only that?”

“...” “Well, yeah.” What do you mean 'oNlY tHaT'?

“...Mmm...” He places his hand on the chin of the mask.

“...” “What?”

“Nothing!” “...” “You know? You're the first human to visit the forest in a loooong time. For several cycles now…”

“Cycles?”

“Mhm” He nods.

“...What are cycles?”

Sun points to the sky “The turns that the Moon makes in the sky!” He emphasizes by rotating his arm in the air. It's pointing right at the Moon that's visible in the sky.

“Oh...” He uses the lunar cycles to know what day he's in, makes sense. “...” “So no one has been here in a while.”

“That's what I said! Well no, but yes!”

“A-and so the humans who came are still here? Have they been here all this time?”

“Yeah...! Well, no!” He paused. “They're gone!”

“What do you mean they're-?” He didn't let me finish the question.

“They are gone! They 'left'!” It sounded like he had given this answer many times already.

“What do you mean they left-?”

“They 'left'!”

“...” “...You mean...they disappear-?”

“Nope!” “...” “Something like that!” “…” “Mmmore or less…” He hesitated between one answer and another.

It seemed worthless to ask about the missing people. “...okay.” “Can I ask you-?”

“You can ask me anything!” A hint of nervousness escaped his tone.

“...okay. What is this forest?”

“My home! And the home of many other animals.”

“...” “Alright, and... how many are you...? How many of you live here? I mean. You have taken me everywhere and we haven't seen anyone of your…” I make a pointing gesture, spinning my hand around in the air. He can't be human, it doesn't look like he is. “...” “Honestly, I don't know what you are.”

“...” “There's only me... And someone else!” He looks away, as if trying to hide something.

“Oh... and who's that someone?”

“Oh! N-no, don't worry! He’s… just a friend… But it’s not important that you meet him or anything!” He brushes it off making a gesture with his hand. “Uh-um- How about we talk about you!? huh? What things do you like? Earlier, since you said no to everything, I thought you didn't like ANYTHING!” He continued talking without letting me respond. “I didn't know what to do if I ran out of ideas. I started to worry! But at least you're not one of those who spend all day shouting and threatening with a weapon in hand, ahaha...” He let out a nervous laugh.

“Um-”

“Well, you ran away screaming, yes.” He began to gesticulate widely as he complained “Like everyone-! No, not like everyone, some don't run, but those who, apart from running and screaming, attack you...! I mean...!” Something tells me he wasn't going to shut up and I was already half listening. “First they throw rocks at my head, then they insult me and run away. And I have to run after them because I can't just leave a human running around alone! No! I can't! Not in this forest! Anything could happen to them! But they never let me warn them!” He sounded tired. “And when I get them to stop running away from me, they throw things at me again and yell before demanding me to tell them where are they and how to get out of here, and when I explain it, they yell at me even more and accuse me of lying!” He turns to look at me with his hands pointing to his chest. “What reason would I have to lie?!” I don't know if he hasn't noticed or if he's ignoring the deapan I responded with. “UGH! I don't know what to do with those! But anyhow... I'm so glad we found something to do in the end!

“eh?” I snap out of my thoughts. It seems that now he is directing the conversation to me.

“The pebbles!” He sits turning his body towards me, leaving one single leg hanging from the bridge and the other resting on it. He takes out of his pocket some of the pebbles that he had been collecting with me. “I don't know why I assumed you wouldn't want to look for rocks. Maybe because you didn't want to paint them before... You left them back in the river in the end tho, I thought you would keep some.”

“Ah... I don't know. I didn't think I could take them with me.”

“You can keep some of mine!”

“No, it's okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“You suuuuure??” He insist.

“Yeees.”

He puts a pebble very close to my face “Suuuuuuuure?” Each 'u' sounding higher than the last.

“...” I push the pebble away from my face “Yeeeees.”

“mmmh... Okay! But I hope you don't regret it later when you don't have a cool rock like these and think 'Oh man, I could have a cool rock right now!'.” After a bad impression of me, he keeps the rocks in his pants. “So... Besides pebbles, what else do you like? Mm? I haven't been able to deduce much from today.”

“Don't know.”

“What do you mean you don't know!? Oh! Is it a secret?” He approaches and starts to whisper, putting his hands to the mask's mouth “I won't tell anyone, promise.”

“No. I don't know.” I looked to the side. “I can't think of anything... so suddenly.”

“ooow...” He slumps a little over the railing, looking sad.

“…” I hesitate whether to say something or not “...Drawing...”

“Mmm?!” He no longer seems sad.

“And listening to music, I guess.” “It's... all I do... most of the time.”

“Really!? Oh! I also like drawing! And music! But is that really all you do all day? Don't you do other kinds of things? Like reading! Or writting. Don't you go out for a walk or play with your friends?” I wrinkle my face at that last bit and he tilts his head in confusion.

“I don't go out.” “I have comics, but I rarely read.”

“Comics?”

“Um... They are stories but instead of narrating what happens there are drawings and only what the characters say is written.”

“...It's a book with drawings?”

“Yeah, but with a lot of drawings on each page, from start to finish.”

“WOAH.” He sounded perplexed. “That's drawing A LOT.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Ahh, I'd love to see what they look like.” He rested his arm on the railing to hold his head in his hand “Too bad I can't…”

“I didn't bring them anyway.”

“Do you normally carry them around?”

“No, it's just that I didn't bring them to the village with me, I left them at home.”

“...” “Oh!” It seems that something has clicked on him. “You are not from the village.”

“No, I'm from a more urban area. My family used to come to the village every year in the summer, but we stopped coming. Now it seems that we are trying to get back into the habit.” I sighed.

“Why did you stop coming?”

“...That's personal.”

“Oh... okay.” He let a minute of awkward silence pass. “Hey, I can bring some books that I have at home! I think you might be interes-!” He looks away from me to the sunset behind us, the sun is almost gone. “-ted...” I look at the sunset too and then at him with confusion. “...” “...oh...oh-OH, Oh-no!” He stands up abruptly causing the bridge to shake slightly. What could have he seen? “We have to move!” He extends a hand to help me up. “We have to start moving!”

I get up in a hurry on my own, ignoring his hand. “O-okay, to where?”

“Come, run!” Once again he grabs me by the arm and leads me over the bridges between the trees until we reach a tree hut. It's small and dark, it looks like a small shelter. He opens the door and enters “You'll spend the night here, stay inside, do not go out, try to hide well and don't open the windows or doors, okay? Here, there are some blankets. I'll come back later.”

“Wait wait wait! What? What do you mean you'll come back later? What's happening? Why do I have to hide-!?”

“Sssh-ssh-sh” He grabs me and covers my hand with his, his left hand resting on the back of my right hand. He begins to speak in a calmer tone, with a voice that I had not heard him use until now. “It's okay, nothing happens. I have to go, I'll come back, but I can't stay now. You hide, try to rest, I'll be back, I promise.”

“...” I take my hand away from his. “Okay.” “I'll stay, but don't take too long.” Please, I don't want to be here alone.

“Yes. I'll be back.” He affirmed one last time. I watch him run away and disappear among the trees and undergrowth. I enter the small shelter to inspect it.

*TAP TAP TAP* *PLOK* *TAP TAP FOOSSSH! *

…? A noise comes from behind me. I turn around and there's a pebble on the floor.

…

Okay.

I take out my phones flashlight to see better inside the house. There are what appear to be some trunks, small cabinets, and a trapdoor in the floor, It seems that there are corners and blind spots for the windows where the little moonlight that enters through the cracks cannot reach. It's freezing cold and I haven't brought my jacket. I leave the bag on the floor against the wall, I cover myself with the blanket and curl up in a ball in the most hidden corner I can find. I'm tired, I want to sleep, but I can't close my eyes.

…

—

It's been a few hours now.

…

I can't sleep, I simply can't.

…

It doesn't look like he's coming back.

*creek*

…?

*rin*

*tap tap, creek*

Sun?

“S-...” I pause before saying a word, I have the feeling I shouldn't speak. I remain silent and wait.

*tap, tap, tap, creeeeeek, tap*

*rin dirrin*

If it were Sun he would have already let me know it is him. That or he's playing a prank on me which isn't funny, but I'd better stay silent. From the shadow I look at the windows. I notice movement through the cracks, something has just passed through the wall next to me.

*dirriring dirring*

I cover myself more with the blanket, back against the wall, I stay as still as I can, I leave a gap between the blankets and the floor to see. A red glow sneaks through the cracks in the window and scans the room.

…

The glow is gone.

*tap, tap, rin, tap, dirring, tap, tap*

It's on the roof.

…

*tap, tap, tap...*

It moves again.

*rin *

…

It sounded on the other side of the wall.

…

…

“nghehe...”

It laughed. Why did it laugh? Whatever is on the other side of the wall just let out a laugh that made the hairs on the back of my neck and all over my back rise.

…

Oh no.

Oh no no no no no no no no.

I have to move. I have to get out of here. I can't stay here.

*creeek*

It came from the door. It's trying to get in.

*rin*

The trapdoor.

*rin dirring*

Where was the trapdoor?

*creek creeeek*

I crawl across the floor making the minimum noise, carefully feeling the floor, looking for the edge of the door.

*tap tap ring dirring*

…!

I found it. I open it carefully. It's too high. I'm at a very high altitude, I don't know if I'll be able to go down.

*rin, creeek...*

…

Fuck it. I slip through the gap quietly, closing it slowly, but that doesn't stop the door from creaking. I cling to the bark of the tree-

…

I left my bag. If it comes in and see it it'll know for sure that I have been there-

…

It doesn't matter now. I have to focus on getting down from the tree without killing myself. My fingers hurt and I can't put my foot down properly because of the soles of my boots. I feel like I'm going to slip at any moment. Somehow I make it to the ground. Still attached to the tree, I look up at the house. I don't see it-

…

A shadow appears from behind the tree. I press myself against the tree and hold my breath. It's looking for something. When he doesn't seem to look I move to a nearby tree, he moves to another tree, I move to the next, and the next, and the next. We continue like this until I start to get further and further away from him. When I think I've lost him I start running. I hide behind a tree to catch my breath.

…

I slowly peek out from behind the tree.

*rin*

…

It sounded above me.

…

I don't look up, I run.

“nnghehee...” He laughs.

He gives me a few seconds advantage before coming after me. The chase begins.

I run forward as much as I can, I hear his footsteps behind me but I don't look back, there's no time for that. I hear him laughing like a madman as he moves from left to right, from one tree to another, crawling on the ground, trying to confuse me, waiting for me to make the slightest mistake to catch me.

“Ah-” I trip. As soon as I fall to the ground I get up, ripping my stockings and scraping my knees, falling again, my nerves not letting me stand up.

“Nnhehehhehe...” Asshole. He has stopped running, he approaches by walking. I try to keep as much distance as my hands and legs allow me to move. I search desperately with my hand for something on the ground to throw. Finally my hand finds something.

I throw a rock at him “AGH!”

The rock passes by him, flying one or two meters away from him. He hasn't even moved, he didn't move a single muscle to avoid it, he just watches me still from where he is. I hear the nearby *pof* of the rock falling to the ground.

“...”

“...”

…

I get up and run. He grabs my leg and I fall to the ground again. He won't let me get up, every time I try he throws me to the ground. I struggle, I kick, but I don't break free from his grip. He never stops laughing, he is enjoying this. He drags me closer to him, no matter how much I twists, he doesn't let go. “ACKH-!...Hhhh-hh...-hh-h...” He grabs me by the neck, red pupils stared at me, I'm looking straight into his crescent moon mask (or waning, I don't know. Do you think I care right now?). He raises his free hand and his veins begin to glow a platinum color that extends to his fingertips. The hand approaches my face, I don't know what it's going to do to me, I'm scared, I don't want to look. I close my eyes, cover my face with my hands. I wait.

…

…

…?

Nothing's happening. It stopped. Why?

“Mun, nïe.” I hear Sun's voice. I open my hands a little to see what's going on. Indeed, it is Sun, several meters away from us... He looks exhausted. The one with the moon mask stares at him for a moment, until he decides to look at me again while bringing his glowing veiny hand closer. “¡Mun!” The Moonman looks at Sun again “Fehreh.” He seems to speak another language, I don't understand what he says.

“...” “Nïe” For the first time I hear him say something else besides laughing. Even though I can't understand him.

“Fïer pehgïer.” Sun responds.

“...” Moonman remains silent again.

“Bïelïe óubseh góuh...” Sun continues.

“Móu txehb móunsuvïe.” The Moon responds.

“Lïe bóu ¿Sóundïe mïesugïeb fehreh nïe txehtehrlïe?”

…

The air feels tense. Probably because of the hand grabbing my neck.

“¿Zkaóu fuóunbehb txehtóur tkaehnvïe nïe bóueh mehb zkaóu ïesreh rehuh óunsóurrehveh óun leh suóurreh?” Longest sentence I've heard him say so far.

“...” “Fïer óubseh góuh.” “...” “Vóuyehmóu óuntehrdehrmóu vóu óulleh” Sun takes a step forward “Nïe suóunóu fïer zkaóu ehtehkehr ehbu” Another step forward “Nïe sóunóumïeb fïer zkaóu txehtóurlóub... óubsïe” Another step “Óullïeb bïelïe óubsehn... fóurvuvïeb.”

“...” There's no response from the moon man.

“Behkehb tïemïe óub óubïe.”

“...”

…

The hand that grabbed my neck now grabs my shirt and yanks it. I grab his wrist as he pulls me to my feet and drags me to Sun, making me stumble. He throws me against him. Sun catches me before I fall over.

“Ska óubpkaóurhïe óub óun gehnïe.” The moon says something as he walks past. Sun puts a hand on his shoulder before letting him go, there's a pause between the two. The Moonman disappears into the trees. Wind and leaves are heard passing by.

…

He's gone. I feel dizzy. I fall down.

—

…

…

…

A faint light begins to seep through the cracks, illuminating enough to wake me up and make me open my eyes, I look around. I see my bag propped against the wall. I'm at the shelter where Sun left me.

…

My body aches, I have a hard time keeping my eyes open, it feels like I've been sleeping on the hard floor. No, wait, there are some blankets underneath me... It's still too hard to sleep well, either that or as I said, it shouldn't help me at all that everything hurts. After a while of staring at the ceiling I try to sit up. I emphasize trying. With every slight effort a pained moan escapes me.

“Oof...” Hurts.

*creek, tap tap tap tap*

Those wood creaks bring back bad memories from last night (which by the way, I'm alive, wow, I just realized), I can't help but cringe at every noise, I hear footsteps approaching, I try to move but the stinging pain prevents me from it.

*creek... *

The door opens.

Triangular shapes appear through the door followed by orange earth tones. “…Oh…!” “Early bird!” Thank god it's Sun and not the other one, or something worse “I didn't expect you up this early!” He says laughingly.

“ah?”

“How are you feeling?” He walks in. When he sets foot inside I lean back, towards the wall. “...” I don't really know why I did that. Sun stands at the door showing confusion with his usual head tilt. “...Arrr...re you okay, Fern?”

“...” I became tense suddenly. I really don't know still if I can trust him? He hasn't done anything to me yet but that doesn't mean that I can trust him. I don't know if he plans to do something with me like whatever that other one, the moon one, was going to do last night. “...ehh...hhh...h...” I can't get a word out, I'm afraid to ask.

“Mm?”

“...” I don't know what to say to him. My eyes go somewhere else.

…

He enters further into the house, ignoring that I keep my distance from him, leaves a bag he was carrying on the floor and begins to open the windows, letting in the little light of the dawn that is just beginning. He kneels on the floor in front of me with the bag. “Are you hungry?” He opens the bag and takes out an apple “Do you like apples?”

“...”

“No?”

“...”

“Um... I also brought berries... (It's what I had on hand coming here) There are... different types, you can choose” He brings the bag closer to me. I move further away. “uhhh...”

“...” I want to leave.

“You don't like them either...?”

“...” I don't want to eat. I want to leave.

“...”

“*snif... *”

“u-um...!”

“...*snif* *sob*...” I started crying out of nowhere.

“Ahhh...! D-do- don't cry! Ah-I-Um- Ca-can go find other things you might like-!”

I felt ashamed for crying and I put my hands to my face trying to wipe away the tears, but they wouldn't stop coming. “*hic, sniff, snif *” I looked away in an attempt to cover my face. I ended up looking at the floor, letting my hair act as a curtain.

“I can go in a moment!” Sun was already getting up.

“...w-want to leave...” I managed to get a murmur out.

“...W-what? Um...”

“...” *hic, hic *

“O-okay, um... If you aren't hungry... -we can do something else- uh- we can go look for rocks like yesterday in the river!”

“...” I don't want to do anything “...want to leave...”

“O-or we can do something else! Ah-bah-b-b-b- W-won't you like to go draw??! Somewhere, some landscape?! Wherever you want! We can draw together! If you prefer we can look for animals instead of landscapes!”

“...leave...want to...go... *hic, snif *”

“¡D-don't n- uh! ¡L-let's... um- let's not- uh!” He no longer knew how to order his words “H-hey, ¿Why don't we go to-?” He extends his hand towards my arm.

“I want to go home...”

He stops before touching me and removes his hand. “...” “...home?” There is a pause. He remains silent and unmoving. He finally speaks “Do you want…?” His tone became more serious.

“...”

“...to... go see the portal?” I look up slightly, I can't see through the tears and the fogged lenses of my glasses.

“...” I nod my head.

—

…

We didn't walk far until the red began to become visible. He brought me back to the portal. The same plain of red leaves and stone arch in the center of it all, as yesterday.

…

Sun has been quiet the entire time.

He advances towards the portal and stands facing it. He turns. “Come.” He extends his hand towards me. “You can pass through.”

“...”

I advance towards the portal. I stop before crossing. If it doesn't take me back home, what do I do? I don't want to stay.

A breeze begins to come out of the portal. The breeze turns to wind, the leaves rise, they pass through us. It's the same thing that happened yesterday when I went to cross. I turn to face Sun. Motionless, he looks back at me, the leaves pause in the air for a second as if time has stopped, the wind changes. From where the wind and leaves came now they come in, they push me towards the portal. I finally cross it.

…

Am I in the forest I know? I turn to look at Sun who stayed behind in the portal. “...Sun?” He's not there. I look around. He's not here. I've already crossed the portal, he must have left.

I notice a sudden draft pass by me. It's soft, like someone walking past you. I turn towards the forest, I have to start moving, I don't want to be here another minute.

...The air current that I noticed has lifted some leaves, they reach the trees, between them the wind does something strange, it forms a transparent silhouette. It looks like Sun, I can barely see him but I could swear it's him. The wind figure raises its hand and makes a gesture, it wants me to follow it. When I approach it turns around and walks into the forest, leaving a trail of leaves behind it. I follow the trail of the air current. Sometimes it stops to look at me, making sure I'm still following it. The red-leafed trees and the paintings disappear from view the farther we go. We crossed the forest until we arrived at the entrance of the town, near my house. There is no one on the street. If I walked into the house and pretended nothing had happened, officially no one would have noticed my absence.

I'm not one hundred percent sure if the wind figure that guided me is Sun or not, but I should at least thank him for bringing me back.

…

The air current has dissipated before I turn around. I look around, there's no one.

…

…

…

I enter the house, go up to my room and throw the bag on the floor. I go to the bathroom to wash. …I feel something strange in my hands but I couldn't say what. Doesn't matter. I change my clothes and get into bed, the tiredness of the previous night makes my body succumb immediately and I fall asleep instantly.

—

…

…

…

“ah...!” I wake up with my lungs begging for air. I need a moment to calm my breathing. I look at the clock without lifting my head from the pillow.

…

It is 12 midday. I rub my eyes and from my eyes I move to my face. I'm still tired. My body still aches. I stare at the ceiling.

…

My bag. I reach out to pick it up from the floor, making strange positions so as not to get out of bed.

I open it and search in the pockets. The bell. I put the bell to my ear. “...” I shake it.

*rin, diring diring*

“...”

I open it.

…

It's empty.

[ominous-feychild]

✦ Writer Questionnaire 2 ✦

Thanks for the tag, @the-golden-comet! (And @the-letterbox-archives tagging me when I was almost done here, haha)

Heads-up! Long post!

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr? A fast and loose estimate is fine!

Two months ago to the date actually??? Or, at least, that's when I first uploaded a story here. My first actual Writeblr post was me hopping in on an open tag on the 6th of June, haha. I thought it was just a month, but looks like the summer's gone by in a flash! 😭

What led you to create it?

So, I'm a writer on Tapas! I'd been attempting to social network on other social medias (twitter and bluesky) but wasn't getting anywhere, didn't like the general formats, and uh... I'm sure I don't have to explain why I don't want to touch Twitter with a 10-foot-pole anymore. Let's just say, if you haven't seen, it's just as bad as (if not worse than) everyone says. Anyhow, I'd seen lots of Tumblr short stories on other platforms and started investigating what it's like here. Didn't know what "Writeblr" was or that it even existed, but eventually stumbled into the field after posting my short story. Thanks, @darkandstormydolls! ❤️

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

How supportive everyone is??? Like omg you guys are so sweet, idk how to take it. Also I love seeing how much passion everyone else has for their writing, haha.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

Uhhhh, I think I'm pretty open about the things I'd like people to know about me, haha. I never mean to offend, so if I accidentally say something wrong, please tell me! I'm autistic and very dumb.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I'm ngl I keep meaning to build out my followed tags for my fandoms, haha. The only fandoms I really see things for are TMAGP (10/10, TMA is my obsession. I am obsessed. It is one of my Special Interests and I love it with all my heart) and House of the Dragon??? Except I'm not even a fan of HotD??? So that's kinda annoying, haha. (Aka, my fandom stuff, but that's on me.)

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

Rising From the Ashes, tragically. (Because it's one of the LAST things I should be working on right now, haha.) Otherwise, I'm of course always obsessed with the Arcane Rifts. Then I force myself to be obsessed with Sun and Shadow, though it's slowly growing on me, haha.

How long have you been working on them?

Haha, so I've historically jumped around a lot in working on different things, so these are approximate guesstimations!

Rising From the Ashes has likely had 3 or 4 years put into it/the characters. If you include the Calamity Crew (which overlaps with it in the timeline and originally ended up merging with the cast of RFtA), I'd say definitely 4 years!

The Arcane Rifts has had 5 years put into it.

Sun and Shadow is very new; I'd say it probably only has about 4 months of work in it? It's part of why I'm less interested in it, haha. Less I've put into it and less I'm attached to.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

Oh... oh dear. How could you ask me this??? 😭😭😭

Rising From the Ashes has existed since, I think, 2016. It started (tragically) as an RP starter on Google+. I wish I was kidding.

To those unaware of how it worked in that space (and likely similar ones to this day), you'd post a starter and people would join in with their own characters. 99% of the time, they'd drop out before long. However, I'd work out details of the characters in the process and carry that info over into the worldbuilding. I eventually stopped RPing with the masses and settled down with a single "partner" who I'll call Kris.

She's the one who stole my docs.

The Arcane Rifts technically originated as another RP starter? It never got attention, though, and instead my ideas for it simply carried over into the worldbuilding in general.

One of the characters of the original starter was important in the worldbuilding. It was not a character you see in the early books of tAR, though, so don't bother trying to figure it out. But, since he was so important, his origins were also important.

The Arcane Rifts started in 2019, as I wanted to make a story building out said character's origins. It was originally going to be a duology, the first book being Gene's backstory and the second being how Gene and The Other Guy's lives intertwined. (No, they were not gay for each other! 😂) It's since changed a lot, and focuses basically exclusively on Gene, haha. The last book in the series will probably be focused on the other character, though!

Sun and Shadow started for a romance novel competition on Tapas which has since ended. I didn't get to finish it in time for a lot of reasons, but I primarily cite stress and exhaustion from working full time at a physically-intensive job. It grew shockingly quickly and I had some fans donate to me related to it, so I'm kinda forced to work on it, haha. Dw--I like it! It's just harder to work on for a number of reasons, haha.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Tragic, the questions you're asking me--

It depends, haha. I'm autistic and hyperfixate a lot. Also, for one, that's a suuuuuper vague question??? Like what do you mean "how much time"--how much time within the day? How often in general? Idk, man, haha.

I think about the Arcane Rifts a LOT!

I've put an incredible amount of time and effort into it, and I'm in love with 90% of the characters there. Even the background characters have had a lot of work put into them, getting relatively fleshed-out backstories to make their motives understandable (even if not agreeable!), and I love them all so much, haha.

Except Katerina. She's a bitch.

I also think about Rising From the Ashes a good amount, and it's invaded my brain again lately, haha.

I took a step away from RFtA and basically all of my other stories late 2021 when Kris (my ex-writing partner) and I had a falling out. It was incredibly difficult for me emotionally to look at anything I worked with her on, and obviously RFtA was a huge one (actually, tAR was the only thing of my early works she had nothing to do with). Since early this year, I've finally been able to work on it again and it's been incredibly fun removing her stuff, actually!

I think all that is a good part of why I keep randomly getting obsessed with it again, haha. It's like looking at old friends (the characters, not Kris) and being all "omg??? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER??? PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN UP TO!!!" except it's removing Kris's stuff, haha.

I think about Sun and Shadow a lot more than you might expect with how much I talk about not preferring it, haha. I love the characters! Crow and, actually, Valyarus especially. They're both super interesting characters, and I'll randomly find my brain working out scenes between characters interacting with them.

(The problem with SaS is that, as a book, it's incredibly different from my usual works. It's a small cast of Frey/Crow and technically Daleira, while most of my stories focus on larger casts. It makes for a VERY different experience, and so it's a lot harder to work on)

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Actually, I've got a ready answer for this one! Until SaS, I was dedicating my time to the Arcane Rifts and had prepared the answer:

Percy Jackson meets Lord of the Rings in a steampunk fantasy world full of ✨mysteries waiting to be uncovered✨

(I'd say the "mysteries waiting to be uncovered" part ironically/accidentally mockingly most of the time, whoops, haha. I always feel awkward advertising my works.)

It was awkward when people would get actually interested in it from there and ask more questions, haha.

To clarify: that's my tagline for the Arcane Rifts! The story has gods and demigods messing with mortals, using them as their playthings and being REALLY immature babies because they don't really face consequences for their actions like PJ. Then, it's a lot more "grounded yet fantastical" like LotR, where magic is kinda infused with reality and yet you still have issues like starving to death and whatnot.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.  Side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

UHHHH THERE'S A LOT TO LIST???

Try this for a taste! These are just the guys I've gotten colors for!

Freya, Crow, Daleira, Valyarus, Grimnir, Soren, Gene, Tazin, Mislav, Adilzhan, Ludmila, Rada, Caspar, Nikolai, Gennadi, Oska, Rieka, Liesel, Carmin, Nora, Sammy, Kieva, Caron, Varik, Elazi, Riaan, Roman, and Tiberius! (Though Tib is getting a name change sooner or later)

Who’s the most unhinged?

Unhinged in which way? There's a lot of options there, haha.

I'm going to give honorary mentions to Valyarus, Gene in the later books, Tazin, Rieka, Gennadi, and Tiberius ! (Why does it not surprise me that most unhinged characters are from tAR? 🤣 Also I swear it's a coincidence most of the unhinged characters are red.)

(... Probably.)

In general, I'd say that, incredibly ironically, the Existence of Order is the most unhinged of all my characters. She's just incredible at hiding it.

(Tbf half of the Existentials probably belong on the "unhinged" list anyway but eh. They still don't compare to Order!)

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

I'm going to give this as a tie between Gene and Sammy!

Gene has my 'tisms and just about all of my trauma, so we have a lot in common, whoops, haha. Also there's a... very specific detail about his character that makes him easier to write in general. It's just a major spoiler. 👀

Similarly and actually identically to Gene in some ways, while Sammy has a lot in common with me, he's also incredibly perceptive! (Although we don't share that fact.)

Due to the way I write, their analytical natures allow for them to spit straight facts about the worldbuilding and the people around them rather than beating around the bush, haha. Both are highly investigative, try to learn and understand everything around them, and notice small details other characters wouldn't! It makes it much easier for me to write, because uh... well here's an example of what my outlines look like.

Long story short: I include a lot of detail which I then transfer into the POV's character narration, cutting out details which they wouldn't notice or think about, haha. In Sammy's case (which that scene has Sammy as the narrator/POV character), very little information gets cut out because he's so perceptive!

(Here, as a treat--have another example!)

(In this scene, Nikolai is the narrator. Even the outline gets "filtered" to mirror the characters' way of thinking--like it's Nikolai himself seeing Caspar as "doll-like". The crossed-out stuff is details I most likely won't mention, but noted for myself, haha. I do the same thing if/when including details about the motives and thoughts of non-narrator characters.)

Do you ever cringe at them?

Gene and Sammy?

A B S O L U T E L Y .

Gene is a wreck in basically every way and desperately needs help (that he won't get until he meets Dimitry). As much as I love him, there's a lot of moments where you just can't help but wince and be all "shit, did you REALLY have to do/say that?"

Sammy on the other hand? He's a terrified, control freak manipulator who panics the moment he feels like he's losing control of a situation. It can be painful to watch, even if simultaneously fascinating.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?  AKA, do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? To what degree? Are some less cooperative than others?

I explicitly go out of my way to add backstory to and develop each and every one of my characters until they "write themselves", haha.

I want my characters to feel like real people, so I do my absolute best to make them as real as possible. (That's part of why tAR is so massive...)

Special shoutout to Dimitry here, btw. Dude COMPLETELY screwed over the planned and intended from the earliest days path of the Arcane Rifts. I've mentioned before that Gene is villain-coded, yeah? Want to know why?

Because he was MEANT to be one! Then Dimitry had to come along, be the sweetest, nicest fucking person around to Gene while he was going through the worst part of his life, and keep Gene from slipping off the deep end!

MITRY, YOU PIECE OF--

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? And do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? For example, as Asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on AO3, etc.

I absolutely love, love, love!!! people asking questions about my characters!!! 🥰

I would absolutely prefer them as Asks sent to me, and especially would prefer if separate subjects/questions were sent in separate Asks! Like, say you were going to ask me about Gene and Dimitry. I'd rather two separate Asks, one asking for whatever you wanted to know about Gene and another for whatever you wanted to know about Dimitry, haha. However, if you wanted to ask a single question about both, that obviously is fine as a single Ask!

On writeblr engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account? Do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? Do you follow based on WIPs, or vibes?

I definitely scope out before I follow, yes.

I choose based primarily on the personality of the person behind the blog, but the WIPs/vibes can also have an influence on my decision, haha. I'd rather follow people with kind/supportive personalities, and I'll eventually start liking their stories even if they're not initially my thing!

What makes you decide against following?

Bigotry. Moment I see it, I'm on the lookout for even the slightest hint of more and, if I see it, I'm OUT!

(That includes things like: homophobia, transphobia, TERFs, ableism, racism, xenophobia, etc.)

Also, while I include angst in my stories, the people who are big on "I have nothing but bad stuff in my writing and I'm proud" are, uh... not on my "follow" list. While they can write what they want and enjoy it, grimdark is not my thing. Angst is best in moderation and I very purposely control the amount of it in my life.

(Also Kris's--my ex writing partner's--obsession with "grimdark-ness" is a good part of why I'm so ecstatic to remove her stuff from my writing. Yes, I've tried it. For years. I hated it. Please and thank you. Also note that I proudly call myself an evil writer, so it's not like I don't love angst, it's just--moderation. Seriously.)

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Yes! I think a good 50-30% of my interactions are with non-moots, haha. I go out of my way to try to support my moots, but I'll definitely share support with anything that catches my attention, no matter who it's from!

To be fair, though, I think a majority of non-moots I interact with are on my mental "probably going to follow soon" list. I can be slow to make decisions, haha. It doesn't help that I try being active with my moots, so I'm trying to avoid growing that list too quickly!

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

Haha, depends what you mean by that? My brain is definitely too full of my own characters to have any space for anyone else's, but I definitely do think of others' characters at times! There's plenty of y'alls characters I really like, haha.

Just... omg, my hyperfixated AuDHD brain refuses to focus on anything except for the Hyperfixation of the Moment™.

This was a huge one! Hopefully I'm not screaming into the void with this one, or you guys enjoy finding out more about me and my WIPs.

If you're curious about the reason this is labeled Writer Questionnaire 2... well guess what!

Tagging (gently! This is a lot, haha): @honeybewrites @yourpenpaldee @paeliae-occasionally @mysticstarlightduck @illarian-rambling @.darkandstormydolls (tagged you earlier in the post haha) + open tags!

Divider from @cafekitsune!

[quakinqueer]

Hey so I've had this in my drafts for well over a month, then that recent smosh mouth came out, rendering this near useless, but I'm still gonna post it cause why not.

Beginner's Guide to Smosh Seasonal Games

(For newer fans, even though no one asked. And yes I'm manifesting summer/winter games 2024, look away.) Mostly sourced from the Smosh Wiki.

1- Smosh Summer Games! (2015)

1st trailer aired: June 27, 2015 ~ Finale: July 31, 2015 This was the OG that started it all! No theme, unless you count it being entirely held at a beach house. Very classic smosh vibes, inappropriate jokes, and queerbaiting galore, with 12 episodes total across Pit (2nd channel at the time) and Games. (tbh I haven't seen this one). This was held shortly after the 'main squad' was cast (Keith, N*ah, Olivia, and Courtney), and was Shayne's official introduction to the channel! Teams/Cast: Bananarama: Anthony (Captain), Lasercorn (David Moss), Courtney, N*ah, Mari Takahashi, Jovenshire (Joshua Evan Ovenshire). Jiggle Physics: Ian (Captain), W*s J*hns*n, Sohinki (Matt Sohinki), Flitz (Amra Ricketts). Keith, Olivia. Refs/Hosts: Shayne, Joe Beretta Winners: Bananarama Special Awards: MVP - N*ah, LVP - Lasercorn, Biggest Fail - Olivia.

2- Smosh Winter Games! (2016)

1st trailer aired: Jan 30, 2016 ~ Final Ep: Feb 29, 2016 The first Winter Games! Similar classic vibes to the first, except by this time the 'main squad' was much more settled in and comfortable with each other, and the overall cast. Strangely, Ian and Anthony didn't actually participate in the games, but commentated (not sure why). Combo of actual competition eps and also videos for other shows aka specials (s-s-s-sleepover, put it in my mouth) that were winter games themed. 23 videos total across 2nd Channel (Pit) and Games. Teams/Cast: Snow Fleeks: Anthony (captain), Mari, W*s, Sohinki, Keith, Olivia, refs. Blue Balls: Ian (captain), Lasercorn, Shayne, Courtney, Flitz, N*ah, Jovenshire. Refs/Hosts: M*tt R**b, Joe Beretta, Sunny Peabody. Winners: Blue Balls Special Awards: MVP- Olivia, LVP- Joven, Epic Moment- Lasercorn, Biggest Fail- W*s. (Lasercorn got Epic Moment for dropping an actual fire rap during the *wrap* battle)

3- Smosh Summer Games: Camp (2016)

1st trailer aired: June 25, 2016 ~ Final Ep: July 30, 2016 The first one to have a theme, extremely iconic, the vibes were starting to peak around this time with the main squad being almost fully settled in by this point. For those of you who do not know, back in the day Smosh had separate casts for main/pit and for games, and the seasonal games were one of the only series where they would consistently appear together, and were originally intended to be a bonding activity. This one was the first to really let those dynamics *shine*, and really have them interact in memorable ways. Also best challenges up until this point cause of the theme. 13 specials and 9 competition episodes across games and 2nd channel, this time accompanied by a few vlogs on Courtney's personal channel. Teams/Cast: Kumbayaaas: Anthony (captain), Jovenshire, N*ah, Olivia, W*s, Courtney, Sohinki Harshmallows: Ian (captain), Mari, Keith, Shayne, Lasercorn, Flitz, refs Refs/Camp Counselors: M*tt R**b, Joe Beretta, Sunny Peabody. Winners: Harshmallows Special Awards: MVP- Olivia, LVP- Sohinki, Epic moment- Ian, Biggest Fail- W*s (Sohinki had to leave early due to sickness and so automatically got LVP)

4- Smosh Winter Games: Again! (2017)

1st trailer aired: Jan 31, 2017 - Final Ep: Feb 28, 2017 Longest seasonal games by far, lot of iconic moments and fun specials, featured CFM's 2nd ever appearance, and was also Boze's debut as a games member! Not much else to say about this one, it's a blast with a lot of classic moments. Oh, and it was the last seasonal games to feature both Ian and Anthony as team captains :,). 19 specials (Game Bang, Board af, hot tub truth or dare, etc.) and 8 competition episodes across pit and games. Teams/Cast: Spaghetti Yetis: Anthony (captain), Boze, Sohinki, Lasercorn, Olivia, Flitz, Shayne Dablizzards: Ian (captain), Keith, W*s, Mari, N*ah, Courtney, Jovenshire Refs/Hosts: M*tt R**b, Joe Beretta, Sunny Peabody, Sarah Whittle, Tanner Risner. Winners: Spaghetti Yetis Special Awards: MVP - Anthony, LVP - Jovenshire, Epic Moment - Shayne, Biggest Fail - Boze

5- Smosh Summer Games: Wild West! (2017)

Trailer aired: June 26, 2017 - Final ep: July 31, 2017 WWIIIILLLLDDDD HWEST! Let me tell yall this one is ICONIC, for so many reasons, in so many ways. Filmed on an awesome location (a ranch in Nevada), great teams, the production quality was top-notch, and let's not forget the infamous bar-brawl fight choreography of the trailer. So many iconic moments its astounding. Damien's first seasonal games, and also the first to neither feature Anthony nor have team captains (instead of picking teams dodgeball style like they had done previously, this time the teams were picked via a lottery). 15 specials (maricraft, board af, etc.), and 8 competition episodes across pit and games. Fun fact, this season was filmed a week before the "Anthony is leaving smosh" video was released. Teams/Cast: Randy Bandits: Lasercorn, N*ah, Olivia, Damien, Mari, Ian, Flitz Cowbaes: Jovenshire, Courtney, Shayne, Keith, W*s, Sohinki, Boze Refs/Sheriffs: M*tt R**b, Joe Beretta, Sunny Peabody Winners: Randy Bandits Special Awards: MVP - Flitz, LVP - W*s, Epic Moment - Shayne, Biggest Fail - Jovenshire Shayne told his Epic Moment story on the pod, but incase you missed it: during a hangman competition he managed to guess a 2-word answer, with no letters on the board, on his first try. The answer was Wyatt Earp. Some out of context references: "MUNGE", "My name is Calamity Janet, and I am crazy.", "Sorry"×20, *wide shot of damien holding up his fist for like 3 minutes*, *Mama bird*, *shot in the chest* "Where's Anthony?"

6- Smosh Summer Games: We Blew It! (2018)

Trailer aired: August 17, 2018 - Final ep: August 24, 2018 Folks, what can I say, they blew it. They had 10 dollars and a dream for this one, and they tried their best, but it is admittedly still the weakest of the Summer Games. Between airing later than any other, taking place within only a week as opposed to a month, having the least amount of competitions (5) and the least amount of specials (1 Smosh and Order), this one really is a last-ditch effort sort of ordeal. But make no mistake, it's no one's fault but Defy Fuckhead Media Inc.; in case you missed the Smosh mouth ep, the story goes that Defy simply didn't want summer games to happen that year, and gave M*tt R**b an eighth of the usual budget. Despite all this, I'm sure if you go back and watch it, the videos are actually really enjoyable with some fun goofs and special moments. The first games to not feature Sohinki or Flitz, and this time there were team captains, chosen according to the personal awards given the prior year. Teams/Cast: Inflatabulls: Jovenshire (Captain, previous winner of Biggest Fail), Mari, Damien, Courtney, Keith, Boze Balloonatics: Shayne (Captain, previous winner of Most Epic Moment), Lasercorn, N*ah, Ian, W*s, Olivia Refs: M*tt R**b, Sarah Whittle Guest Refs/Guest Judges:  Garrett Palm, Joe Bereta, Spencer Agnew, Tanner Risner and Tim Baker Winners: Balloonatics Special Awards: MVP - Mari, LVP - Damien, Epic Moment/Biggest Win - Lasercorn, Biggest Fail - W*s

7- Smosh Summer Games: Apocalypse! (2019)

Trailer aired: July 15, 2019 - Final ep: August 16, 2019 APPOOOCALYPSSE!! This one ROCKS! Not quite as iconic as Wild West, but it's honestly up there in my opinion. The first and only summer games post-mythical, and a return to normalcy from We Blew It in terms of length, airing schedule, etc., probably because they'd managed to find a sponsor to help with the budget. This one had some greeaat specials, including Spelling Bee-kini Wax, Maricraft, Try Not To Laugh: Gauntlet (so many iconic bits from these tntls, and if I'm not mistaken one of Tommy's earliest appearances), and a lot of Smoshcast. Fun fact, Sohinki was actually invited to participate but was in Italy at the time, so Kimmy was cast as a guest participant instead to even out the teams. The first to have no team selection process or opening ceremony, instead the teams were pre-picked at random and revealed during the trailer. 18 specials and 8 competition episodes across Pit, Games, and Smoshcast. Teams/Cast: ToxiciTea: Jovenshire, Ian, Olivia, Mari, Shayne, W*s Mushroom Clout: N*ah, Lasercorn, Damien, Keith, Courtney, Kimmy Refs: M*tt R**b, Sarah Whittle Guest Refs/Guest Judges:  Joe Bereta Winners: ToxiciTea Special Awards: MVP - Joven, LVP - Shayne, Epic Win/Moment - Courtney, Epic Fail - Ian Fun little end note, Lasercorn, up until this point, had never lost a single season, and had been described for a while as having a 'Winning Streak'. That became a big running gag this season in particular, with Lasercorn describing his team as being 'Blessed by the power of the streak', while ToxiciTea claimed that was the year the streak would be broken. In the end, it was. On Twitter and other socials, the hashtags "#Breakthestreak" and "#Thestreakisreal" were used by the fandom to support either team. Overall super fun season with a lot of fandom involvement.

This took me way too long. Enjoy!

[musingsofalovelymillenial]

Dead Friend Forever Episode 10

I meant to post this yesterday after I watched the episode when it aired but it was a long day yesterday so here we are. I have a lot I want to say about this show in general but that will have to be a different post, so this is just some thoughts about the episode. Spoilers for DFF episode 10 and I guess spoilers if you haven't seen the first Scream movie.

I think Phee and Tan/New are on opposite sides but not in the narrative we are being given. Phee told Jin some things that Phee would have no way of knowing because he was not with Tan when he was doing those things (poisoning Top at the temple (Phee was at the house), hanging the wire, being in the woods with Por (Phee was with Jin when that way happening) ) those are to name few instances where Phee is implying and stating he believes Tan/New did those things not that he actually saw him do those things or that Tan/New told him he did those things.

I think Phee is 100% manipulating Jin or at the very least the situation. I take back what I said last week about Phee having feelings for Jin. I think he does have feelings, but I also believe there is still some major manipulation happening. Phee and Jin could have left that temple whenever they wanted to!! When Phee gets water for Jin he goes back to alter where they walked in and got attacked by Top in the mask. Meaning they are not trapped in that temple so unless it has to do with them or Jin being tired and needing to rest some. They are not trapped. Also, Jin drinks the water, Phee does not, Jin hallucinates, and then after some long discussion we conveniently have an axe that Phee says it must be Tan/New's. Which after the woods knowing what Phee knows about Tan/New and the hallucinations he still chose to conveniently drop the axe right outside the house. I think Phee is just as much of a manipulator of situations. Which leads me to my next point about Phee and his reactions. I think he is possibly pulling a Billy Loomis (Scream!) (I could be wrong, this is just what it reminded me of or the vibe I got) In Scream, Billy secretly in the mask comes after Sydney then pretends it isn't him, then makes himself seem innocent and then gets attacked by the killer (fake dies) only to then be revealed to be the actual killer/one behind the mayhem. I think Phee may be doing this to Jin and may be planning to get Jin to 100% trust and rely on him to then use that against him especially because Tan/New seemed calm with Phee revealing who he is but more importantly I think it ties back to the fact that Phee in present time referred to himself as Non's boyfriend. Not a "I use to be his boyfriend", " I told him to go die and we broke", no. Jin asks, " Tan is Non's brother, the one called New right?" Phee responds "Yes. New came back from England." Jin then asks, " And you're Non's boyfriend?" and Phee says Yes. I think this is important because Jin is clarifying what he has been told and if he is caught up on all the information so at that moment Phee is saying yes, I am Non's boyfriend. I think this will be important going into our final two episodes.

Fluke shot Top in the exact same spot Por got impaled by the branch. Coincidence? Ironic?

Back to Phee and what he told Jin about Por and the woods. He is assuming Por saw Non under the mask or assuming Por saw the masked killer, he would have no way of knowing that it is what Por saw because Por couldn't tell them what he hallucinated. So, in my opinion that is either a big assumption of Phee's part or he lied! I stated back in my original theory post with my deep dive that I think there have been 3 "killers" this whole time. Because someone groped Tee, we still don't know if Tan was hallucinating seeing the masked killer after Fluke hallucinated being choked by Por and there was no way Tan/ New could have lured Por out of the house and into the woods because Tan/ New was with Fluke and Top playing Jenga. And we know if we are to believe Phee, Phee states to Jin that Tan/New must have lured Por out of the house, Phee is directly implying that Por did not hallucinate seeing someone on the CCTV camera which is what led him to seeing someone outside to then be lured out there in the first place. Phee again in my opinion is backing up that there is in fact another people helping them. Whether that person is helping just Phee or Phee and Tan/New we do not know but the likelihood of a third person (Non or possibly White) could very well be true.

White. I want more about him. I think he goes between being calm to crying very quickly. He also seems to be able to manipulate Tee and change the situation. I do believe there is more to White that we know, and I hope the next episode gives us that however if White is innocent and just Tee's boyfriend then I do believe his death will be to show just how far Tan/New is not only willing to go but also the fact that an innocent person is dead due to not only the acts of the original group ( Por, Fluke, Top, Tee, & Jin) but also that the need for revenge or the need for answers ( Phee & Tan/New) has caused the death of an innocent person something they cannot take back. If White dies in the show innocent Tan/New will be responsible for causing the death of someone similar to the brother he was doing all this for in the first place and once again the destruction of a seemingly innocent person will be laid at the feet of the original group and that loss will be a punishment and consequence for Tee's role in Non's life and by extension Tan/New's.

I have more to say about Jin and Phee and the woods, but it will be its own post.

Thank you for listening to my theories, I am interested in seeing the last two episodes play out and see other fans thoughts. As we approach the finale of this show I have truly enjoyed the interactions with people online about it and love watching this show alongside other people!

[y-rhywbeth2]

Elves: Pantheons

Link: Disclaimer regarding D&D "canon" & Index [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. There's a lot of lore; I don't know everything. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest. Frankly these posts may get updated now and then. etc]

Physiology and quirks | Names & Clans and Houses || Pan-Cultural things: Social life | Time and 'Growing Up an Elf' | Homes | Language | Art | Entertainment | Technology || Elven 'Subraces' still a wip || Philosophy and Religion & Pantheons || Half-elves | [WIP]

Right. Religion part 2: the bastards the pointy eared ones worship. Who needs this many gods?? This is one of those posts that's so long I got disoriented editing it, so it might be a touch messy.

Also it's long. L o n g.

The Sylvan Gods The og elven pantheon on Toril; Non-elven archfey warlocks may also get something out of this if you want a patron.

The Seldarine + The Asathalfinare The elven gods and the disagreements about them.

The Dark Seldarine The exiles and the pack of weirdoes they got grouped in with along the way.

(Corellon, Lolth and Eilistraee are cleric options in BG3 so in theory I should be giving them fuller write ups and they're only getting brief attention here.)

The Sylvan Gods (Seelie):

The original pantheon of the elves of Toril.

The fey and the fey gods have strong ties to elves and their ancestral gods as well, being cousins of sorts; while they share 'blood' with the elven gods, the first elves to come to Toril worshipped the Sylvan gods as their pantheon, not the Seldarine. Even in modern times many elves, especially the green and copper elves, live and worship alongside the fey as neighbours 'often [including] prayers to other faerie powers when worshiping the Seldarine.' Likewise the fey serve and worship the Seldarine as well as their own lords.

The Seldarine are strongly allied with and mingle freely with other fey powers, especially the Seelie Court, I haven't seen any specific mention of worship of the Unseelie fey who obviously are antagonistic counterparts in the fashion of the Dark Seldarine and the Seldarine, as well as being enemies to the Seldarine. I've seen no mention of any of the Dark Seldarine being allied with the Queen of Air and Darkness, the Unseelie Queen, so I assume that the elves in general, including dark elves, do not traffic with the evil fey. On the reverse, the Seelie fey don't seem to be actively opposed to the Dark Seldarine, although that doesn't mean they're on good terms.

The Seelie Queen Titania works closely with Corellon where their goals overlap, though Erevan Illesere is the closest aligned with the Sylvan Gods and may have actually given birth to one of them.

The two pantheons co-exist with perfect ease, and there’s not stigma against elves venerating deities of either pantheon and many elves include prayers to archfey while honouring the Seldarine.

Just like the Seldarine, the fey courts are technically the rulers of their mortal children and their primary concern is the wellbeing of their people and the realms they live in.

Elven fey heritage remains strong, and elves and fey both have a shared and vested interest in maintaining the magic and nature they live enmeshed in. But even the elves are generally barred from the inner circles of sacred fey matters and they don’t get invited to secret seelie court meetings on occasions where the archfey meet on the prime, although they do gather together for some holy revels like Midsummer.

4e and 5e ‘demote’ the fey deities to archfey, however the differences between powerful planars like archfey, archdevils, demon lords and deities is extremely blurred really. Some deities are exiled archdevils, Lolth is a demon lord and a goddess, Corellon can serve as the archfey patron to a feypact warlock, etc. Still, mechanically I imagine that in 5e a worshipper and servant of, say, Verenestra is going to be a warlock rather than a cleric on average.

The fey deities consist of the inner circle known as the Seelie Court and the allied gods who are not formally a part of the court but are still related, as well as the Torilian god Lurue.

This isn't all of them, but these were the ones who are classified as gods and whose lore overlaps with elves at some point:

Yathaghera. The Winged Queen [Lurue]

‘The Unicorn is a symbol of hope, joy, salvation, and protection for the needy, forlorn, and forsaken. Life is to be relished and lived with laughter. Quests are to be taken on a dare and gifts to be made on a whim. Impossible dreams are to be pursued for the sheer wonder of the possibility of their completion. Everyone, no matter how unique, is to be praised for their strengths and comforted in their weaknesses. Evil melts the quickest in the face of a rapier wit and unshackled joy. Search for the unicorn and in pursuit find happiness.’

Symbol: a unicorn, rampant against a silver crescent moon.

The goddess Lurue the Unicorn Queen’s elven aspect, also part of the Faerûnian pantheon, who is seen as the ruler of pegasi and unicorns on Evermeet. Believed to be a daughter of Selûne, Lurue is the goddess of talking animals, adventure and whimsy, an adopter of outcasts (and literal lost souls, Lurue is apparently known to seek those who die alone and faithless and take them with her in her wanderings around Toril), and she never abandons her faithful when they need her. Visitors from other DnD settings have thought her to be the Torilian aspect of the fey deity of the same nature, Eachthighern, or else his daughter by Selûne, but Lurue has no idea who that is and claims no relation.

Eachthighern, Lord of Unicorns and Pegasi Has a couple of origin myths, one of which is that he's Erevan's son. Eachthigern apparently has no presence on Toril, though sages familiar with other worlds have hypothesised in-universe that he is the father of Lurue or that the divine unicorn of the Moonshaes, Kamerynn is his Torilian aspect. The god is known to appear when fey and elven communities are battling against evil in order to heal their wounded. Torilian elves are aware of his existence, and believe that the unicorns of Evermeet are his descendants. Unicorns are sacred creatures in elven faiths, and harming or killing them is an act of sacrilige met with death. Those chosen by unicorns as riders are treated with religious levels of reverence.

Portfolio: unicorns, healing, loyalty and protection Symbol: a unicorn horn

Titania, the Faerie Queen; the Queen of Light; the Summer Queen Head of the pantheon. Titania’s known to come across as flighty and silly, which covers well for the fact that she’s the strategist of the pantheon. Perfectly calm and borderline impossible to piss off (succeeding is a Bad Idea). Known to take mortal lovers. Portfolio: magic, friendship, and the fey and their realms Symbol: white diamond, containing a blue star at its centre

Oberon, the Lord of Beasts A warrior and protector god. Possibly Titania’s consort, sometimes called a king, though he doesn’t actual hold the title and if he is with Titania it’s an open on-off relationship and both flirt with mortals. And anything else that catches their attention. Portfolio: nature, wild places, animals Symbol: white stag

Verenestra, the Oak Princess Goddess of dryads. Verenestra is vain and flighty and generally shuns the company of other powers of love and beauty; the elven goddess Hanali is the only one who has managed to coax her into friendly terms. Verenestra is known for seducing mortals (and then growing bored of them, though at least leaving them with some form of gift). Portfolio: dryads, charm, beauty Symbol: a silver mirror

Skerrit, the Forest Walker God of centaurs and satyrs. A hunter and preserver of a healthy balance within an ecosystem. Skerrit in particular is noted to have a cult amongst the Tel’Quessir. Portfolio: community and natural balance Symbol: an oak growing from an acorn

Emantiensien, god of treants The treant god is known to hear the music played by elves, and hears all the hidden knowledge of the world, remembering all he has ever learnt. Though it will take him a long time to translate them into a manner of communication mortals understand. He speaks few words, but what he says is worth listening to. Domains: treants, trees, deep and hidden magic Symbol: a pair of acorns

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The Elven Pantheon:

The elven pantheon is the Seldarine – 'the Siblings of the Woods,' consisting of many elven powers, which in most traditions are led by Corellon Larethian. Some say Corellon rules with Sehanine as his consort and second in command, some say Sehanine is one of his daughters, moon elves say his consort is Angharradh who rules alongside him as an equal. Corellon's original consort was Lolth, who Corellon felt ruled with him as an equal and Lolth felt she was being treated as a toy kept in a pretty cage, and it certainly seems/seemed that Corellon’s heart lies far more strongly with his former lover than anybody else (Corellon’s feelings for Lolth were/are… a touch obsessive.) According to other traditions the Seldarine are all actually siblings. Some undercurrents, and a comment from Ed Greenwood, suggests they might be a messy polycule.

Not all elves worship or acknowledge the entire pantheon, nor do they worship them the same or place the same level of emphasis on them. These divisions exist both within larger cultural umbrellas as well as within house politics - some elven houses revere a larger pantheon, and others cherrypick who they worship sometimes to the point of henotheism. More obscure members of the Seldarine are occasionally remembered in specific locations or minorities, such as Vandria Gilmadrith, the other child of Corellon and Lolth who did not go into exile and serves as the elven goddess of vigilance and grief, only really invoked by the occasional mournful elf consumed by betrayal and bereavement.

Sun elves have a rigid hierarchy of gods with Corellon as king, with everyone else in their 'appropriate' rank: Sehanine, Labelas and Hanali being very highly regarded, while 'primitive' gods like Rillifane and Fenmarel go at the bottom of the hierarchy. (Erevan is classified as a migraine.) Lashrael and Felarathael, a pair of solars who serve Corellon, are worshipped by the Ar'Tel'Quessir as gods. -

Moon elves consider Aerdrie, Hanali and Sehanine as aspects of Angharradh, and view her as having equal importance to Corellon. Of these aspects they consider Sehanine Moonbow her primary aspect and moon elves are just generally very enthusiastic about her faith. -

Dark elven communities who worship the Seldarine will often include Eilistraee and Vhaeraun in their own localised pantheon, although the latter may be pacified more than venerated. They've also, historically, included deities less known on Toril like Vandria, Tilvenar/Darahl FIrecloak (god of metalwork, fire, earth and - according to them - subterranean lava flows), and Araleth Letheranil (god of twilight and light, specifically starlight, defender against evil forces, who really hates Lolth). Sehanine was also popular with the dark elves, pre-descent, possibly due to their moon elven ancestry. -

Green and wood elves acknowledge Corellon as the origin point of elvendom, and then completely side-line the entire pantheon including the First of the Seldarine in favour of Rillifane, Solonor and Erevan while focusing the rest of their attention on fey gods and other nature deities. -

Aquatic elves acknowledge that there are other gods, but past a token acknowledgement they worship Deep Sashelas as their patron and head of the Asathalfinare. -

Winged elves pay lip service to the rest of the Seldarine, but their faith is exclusively and deeply focused on Aerdrie Faenya, who they believe gave them their wings.

There are 28 deities total in the Seldarine. 11 are in the 'mainstream' Torilian pantheon who can generally be recognised by everyone, with an extra 3 who are local fey aspects of the Faerûnian pantheon and unique to Toril, plus a pair of twin solars who serve Corellon and hold sanctified status.

Sun elves ascribe the gods a strict hierarchy where Corellon rules over them with Sehanine as his consort and second in command. Moon elves place Angharradh as Queen of Arvandor, and place her and Corellon as having equal authority. Green elves don't really have any interest in Corellon and most of the pantheon at all, prioritising Rillifane and mostly worship the fey pantheon and nature itself. Dark elven communities that worship the Seldarine usually place them behind Eilistraee in importance. Aquatic elven religion is borderline henotheistic in its reverence of Deep Sashelas to the point of almost or entirely excluding the rest of the pantheon. Even within these umbrellas you can find diversity in beliefs and philosophy.

In truth the Seldarine are very loosely organised and most deities spending all their time seeing to their own goals and duties only really gathering and working together when something important comes up, and are loathe to make decisions quickly, devoting decades to centuries of debate and weighing the consequences and ripple effects of every potential choice.

Corellon, alongside Angharradh - either as a whole being or as Sehanine, Aerdrie and Hanali working together in unison - hold seniority and speak for the Seldarine, but there does seem to be something of a democracy going on.

Despite most elves being isolationists, many of the Seldarine are actually in favour of the elves embracing multiculturalism – Corellon takes an active personal interest in learning more of non-elven cultures, Angharradh encourages diversity as a strength, Sehanine and Labelas encourage reaching out to other peoples and fostering understanding and peace (a lesson Labelas learnt from pissing off Clangeddin, who is slow to forgive him despite his shows of contrition). Mortal elves aren’t all that interested in listening, on the whole. Sun elven religion continues to insist that preserving elven culture unchanged, and shunning all others, is a religious duty handed from on-high by the Seldarine. Despite frequently disagreeing with the elves’ decisions, the gods rarely intervene on the grounds of mandated free will (which applies to all deities, really).

‘There are some things the gods cannot prevent, for to do so would be to take all choice from the hands of their mortal children.’ - Angharradh

While often assigned a more frequent gender and pronouns, the Seldarine have no gender, or at least no consistent gender, for example Erevan has been credited with Loki-style shapeshifting parenting shenanigans. Nor, despite them being divine parents and progenitors of the elven race, are they considered mortal elves. Elves consider assigning the Seldarine genders, or depicting them behaving as mortals in the fashion of, say, greek mythology, as humans do with the Faerûnian pantheon, to be hubris and blasphemy – The gods are not mortal, and it’s wrong to try and narrow them into mortal perceptions. (Yet many elves have still managed to blaspheme, which is probably more of an out-of-universe writer bias thing/writers not all being on the same page. Again). Often the Seldarine prefer to manifest as natural phenomena or abstract concepts than humanoids: Colossal trees (Rillifane) and immobile tidal waves (Sashelas), clouds and storms (Aerdrie), azure moonlight or stars (Corellon)… Sehanine is particularly noted to defy attempts to define her with any form of description, let alone the physical.

It's believed that once natural features, such as trees, are old enough that they are capable of hosting the divine essence of the Seldarine, and elves pray by talking to the gods through them.

It has also been said amongst the various things that went on in 4e, but also by Ed Greenwood, that certain members of the pantheon are not the elven gods found in other worlds but elven aspects of the Faerûnian pantheon residing within Corellon's court.

'I envisaged Arvandor as being ruled by Corellon (holding sway over a fey court of elven deities and visiting mortal supplicants and elf spirits, in a vast forest dominated by trees whose leaves glowed a soft blue in moonlight). I saw Sune as dwelling on the plane, and welcome in Corellon’s court as Hanali Celanil, but possessing an essential personal nature disinterested in ruling, dominance, or authority.' - Ed Greenwood

If you use that; Corellon, Angharradh, Solonor Thelandira, Erevan Ilesere, Fenamarel and Shevarash are 'true' members of the Seldarine and others are fey aspects. It's likely that Ao's 'if a newcommer clashes with the porfolio of a pre-existing god then you have to fuse or else fight for the position' rule applied here, and that the Tel'Quessir brought worship of - for example - Sehanine with them and since a moon goddess position was already taken Selûne filled the Sehanine shaped space in their faith while the original elven goddess is actually hanging out on other spheres of existence.

The core elven pantheon of the Realms is as follows:

Corellon Larethian, First of the Seldarine

Sacred Mother and Father, the Protector and Preserver of All Life, Coronal of Arvandor, Creator of All Elves, Ruler of All Elves

'The Tel'Quessir are both wardens and sculptors of magic's end less mysteries. Through Art and Craft, bring forth the beauty that envelops and let the spirit gambol unfettered. The song of joy and the dance of freedom shall ever soar on the wings of those who dare take flight. Guard against the slow death of stultifying sameness by seeking out new experiences and new ways. Ward against those who seek only to destroy in their inability to create and commune with the natural and mystical world. Be ever vigilant in force of arms and might of magic against any return of the banished darkness, and also be strong in heart against the corruption from within which allowed the Spider Queen to foment the chaos and evil of the Crown Wars.'

Portfolio: Magic, music, art, craft, war, poetry, bards, warriors Symbol: Crescent Moon

Parent of elvenkind, patron of artisans and warriors, god of HIgh Magic (and magic in general). Corellon is usually the most revered of the pantheon in any elven community - dark elves obviously notwithstanding.

'While other deities may reflect the joy, delights, and accomplishments of the Fair Folk, Corellon stands as an ever-vigilant watcher over them. His life spirit flows from and into the elves and their lands, and while mortal elves daydream and enter the reverie, Corellon never abandons his watchfulness.'

He spends a lot of time wandering elven homelands and their borders disguised - usually as something like a pixie, or another small and easily dismissed faerie - to patrol for danger as well as observe mortal elves going about their lives, especially artisans and his own priests.

Corellon is soft spoken and noted to be 'always humble,' a description that may vary by the writer or be the result of harshly learnt lessons. He delights in learning new things - opinions and philosophies, techniques and arts - even in interaction with mortals, and is particularly keen to learn about the mortal cultures of the N'Tel'Quessir, who most of his children won't go near.

Corellon maintains friendships and alliances with leaders and members of multiple other pantheons as well as his daughter Eilistraee, and Mystra, due to his position as god of magic and the elven ties to the Weave making magic's health and stability a primary concern. His enemies consist of those who would cause harm to the elves.

His clergy serve as mediators in disputes amongst elves, as well as diplomats, and tend to either involve themselves heavily in the military or in artistic institutions.

Clergy: A 'handful of dark elves.' Sun elves: 33% Moon elves: 30% Green elves: 15% Aquatic elves: 10% Half-elves: 12%

Angharradh, The Triune Goddess

the One and the Three, the Union of the Three, Queen of Arvandor

‘Through unity and diversity there is strength. Be ever vigilant against She Who Was Banished and work together in defending the lands of the Fair Folk from those who would work evil. Celebrate the One and the Three for their collective purpose and individual expressions of life. Through the melding of widely different skills and interests, creativity, life, and artistry are nurtured and new ideas are discovered.’

Portfolio: spring, fertility, planting, birth, defence, wisdom Symbol: Three interconnecting circles laid out in a triangle that points down

The fusion of Sehanine Moonbow, Hanali Celanil and Aerdrie Faenya, who, according to legend, formed during Lolth’s banishment after her betrayal was revealed. The three goddesses joined their power to heal Corellon after he was injured as part of Lolth’s assassination attempt. She incorporates the dogmas, teachings and all the aspects of the three goddesses; an agriculture goddess, a warrior, an advisor. Individualism and community. Birth, life, death. etc. A handful of elves from all subraces find themselves called to Angharradh, however she is almost exclusively worshipped by moon elves. Sun elves place Sehanine in her place, and think the moon elves are just being careless (or blasphemous) with their religious lore. She isn't mentioned in any other elven traditions, and other elves have no idea she exists.

A priestess of Angharradh is also a priestess of Hanali, Sehanine or Aerdrie.

She is patron of a moon elven tradition of druidesses specialising in runic magic, who serve their family and communities as spiritual guides dispensing advice and blessings (agriculture, war, journeys, love problems, childbirth, marriages, etc).

Sehanine Moonbow, Daughter of the Night Skies [Selûne]

Goddess of Moonlight, the Lunar Lady, Moonlit Mystery, the Mystic Seer, the Luminous Cloud, Lady of Dreams

'Life is series of mysteries whose secrets are veiled by the Luminous Cloud. As the spirit transcends its mortal bounds and new mysteries are uncovered, a higher form is achieved and the cycle of life continues. Through contemplation and meditation, communion with the Lady of Dreams is achieved. Through dreams, visions, and omens revealed in sleep or the reverie, the Daughter of the Night Sky unveils the next step along the path and the next destination on the endless journey of mystic wonder that is life and death and life. Revere the mysterious moon, who draws forth tides or being from us all.'

Portfolio: Mysticism, dreams, death, journeys, transcendence, the moon, the stars, the heavens, moon elves Symbol: Full moon with moonbow

The primary aspect of Angharradh. In some traditions, particularly sun elven faiths, Sehanine is the consort of Corellon Larethian and the second in command. In others she's his child, and in others she's his sibling. She protects and guides elves in reverie and life's journeys and in death; governs divination magics and sends visions and omens of fore coming danger to elves; protects elven lands with veils of enchantments and illusions; 'protects against madness'; and is patron deity of moon elves.

Sehanine is 'cherished' by almost all elves, and believed to be embodied in the elven spirit with enjoins the People as a whole; 'the joy at the heart of the elven spirit.'

She is sacred to moon elves above all others, their devout reverence of her as a culture was what led to their name. She once saw similar devotion from dark elves, who came about from moon elves intermarrying with the green elven Ilythiiri tribe, though that's long gone.

While she is considered sacred to the moon elves above others, particularly as the guardian who watches over elves on journeys, she is also greatly revered by sun elves as the protector of elven homelands who keeps them hidden from the outside world.

Sehanine refuses to be defined by descriptions and almost never voices her opinion directly, preferring only to communicate via dreams, omens and visions.

She is known for her patient kindness and motherly habits and puts the most effort into reaching out to the Seldarine's most estranged members; considering EIlistraee an adopted child, coaxing Fenmarel back to Arvandor on occasion, and soothing Shevarash's temper.

As a god of death, she obviously has enmity with gods who tamper with it via undeath like Velsharoon and Myrkul. She tolerates careful exploration of white necromancy (geared more towards healing magic and soothing lost souls, plus the occasional animation of undead like baelnorn liches when such a sacrifice must be made), but has no patience for black necromancy and the torments it delivers on the souls it damns.

Moon elves: 54% Sun elves: 34% Green and wood elves: 5% Half-moon elves: 4%

With other elves and half-elves making up 1% respectively.

Labelas Enoreth, the Sage at Sunset [Lathander/Amaunator]

The Lifegiver, Lord of the Continuum, the One-Eyed God, the Philosopher

'The march of time is inexorable, but the blessings of the Lifegiver enable the children of Corellon to live long and fruitful lives, unmarked by the passage of years. Record and preserve the lessons of history, and draw lessons from that which has unfolded. In the end, the sun always sets before the next day dawns anew. When you follow Labelas's teachings, time is on your side.'

Portfolio: Time, longevity, 'the moment of choice,' history Symbol: a setting sun

It is believed that when the first elves were born that Labelas used his mastery over time to bless them with their long lifespans, decreeing that their physical forms would be untouched by the passing of time. He works closely with Sehanine, overseeing the passage of elven lives as they move closer to death and deciding when this life and time on Toril has reached its end (and then perhaps when their next life has begun - sunset to sunrise). He apparently traded an eye for the ability to see through time, and is believed to know the future and past of all elves and fey, is worshipped by sages, historians, librarians and is patron to sun elves who particularly revere him. He focuses not on individual lives, but on the 'transgenerational changes and the growth of learning and wisdom among elves.'

As with Sehanine, undeath is blasphemy to Labelas' doctrine and he hates Myrkul.

Sun elves: 40% Moon elves: 30% Wood elves: 12% Sea elves: 10% Half-elves: 7% Drow, Avariel and half-drow: 1%

Aerdrie Faenya, the Winged Mother [Akadi]

'The ever-changing reaches of the sky are the great gift of the Winged Mother. Take flight into her windswept embrace, and gambol amidst the everchanging clouds. Honor those who dwell with the Lady of Air and Wind and cherish the birds who dance on her tresses. In change there is beauty and in chaos there is the birth of new life. Ascend, soar, glide, dive, and ascend again and relish in the freedom that the Winged Mother bequeaths. The air is the breath of life.'

Portfolio: air, weather, avians, rain, fetrility, the avariel Symbol: the silhouette of a bird on a cloud.

Aerdrie is the flighty patron deity of the winged elves, and mostly disinterested in everybody else, though she does patrol the oceans around Evermeet in avatar form alongside her fellow deities, protecting the elves of the isle and has had to branch out and encourage worship amongst non-winged elves since the avariel are almost extinct at this stage. She is primarily worshipped by farmers and other elves seeking good weather.

Moon elves: 40% Sun elves: 38% Dark elves and half-elves: 8% Winged elves*: 4%

*While they worship her more than anybody else, the avariel are almost extinct.

Rillifane Rallathil, the Leaflord [Silvanus]

'The Great Oak draws energy from all the living creatures of the world and nourishes, sustains, and protects them from outside threats. Live in harmony with the natural world, allowing each living being the opportunity to serve out its natural purpose in life. As the Leaflord's countless branches, his faithful are to serve as his mortal agents in the natural world Defend the great forests from those who would ravage their riches, leaving only destruction in their path. Contest both the quick and the slow death of Rillifane's bounty and hold strong like the great oaks in the face of those who can see only their own immediate needs.'

Portfolio: nature, woodlands, druids, green elves Symbol: an oak tree

Guardian of nature and patron of the green elves, he is pictured in elven philosophy as a giant metaphysical oak tree within Arvandor, whose roots are part of every mortal tree upon the material plane. It is part of the ebb and flow of natural cycles and seasons, and sustains the world against disease, predation and assault.

Rillifane is the most grounded member of the pantheon, and spends most of his time navel gazing, preferring to let his priests get on with it without him pushing and prodding them. The only time he'll directly act on Toril is to intervene when an elven habitat is under heavy threat.

He contains multiple aspects as great spirits who usually take the form of great animals, which are worshipped by the green elves. It's believed that there is some holy connection between individual elves and one of these aspects, and that these spirits act as patrons, guides and protectors.

Green and wood elves: 52% Moon elves: 26% Lythari*: 8% Sun elves: 6% Half-elves: 4% Dark elves and others: 1%

Solonor Thelandira, the Great Archer

Keen-Eye, the Forest Hunter

'Walk in harmony with nature and oppose the efforts of those who would disturb her delicate balance. Preserve the wild places from excessive encroachment, and work with those who would settle the land to preserve the beauty that first attracted them. Hunt only for sustenance, culling the old and the weak from the herd so that all species may prosper. Like an arrow in flight, it is difficult to arrest the consequences of an action. Choose your targets carefully, for an ill-considered action can have a long-reaching impact.'

Portfolio: archery, hunting, wilderness survival, wood elves Symbol: a silver arrow with green fletching

Solonor concerns himself with maintaining a careful balance between settled interests and uncultivated nature; keeping the integrity of the natural world safe from careless exploitation while also seeing to the needs of people.

He guards the borders of elven homelands, alongside Corellon, Fenmarel and Shevarash, and works with Rillifane to care for the natural world.

Naturally, he's prayed to by hunters and rangers, and over the years some humans have also begun praying to him. Elves hoping to remain hidden in hostile territory also make offerings.

He's said to be the brother of Fenmarel Mestarine, and is noted to be kindred spirits with Eilistraee, which has been interpreted alternatively as them being half-siblings and/or courting.

He takes issue with senseless destruction and killing for the sake of killing, which has made him and Bhaal enemies.

Moon elves: 33% Wood and green elves: 28% Sun elves: 22% Half-moon: 8% Half-green/wood: 3% Half-sun: 2% Lythari: 3% Dark, winged and aquatic elves: 1%

Deep Sashelas, Lord of the Undersea

the Dolphin Prince, the Knowledgeable One, Sailor's Friend, the Creator

'Swim the great currents and the shallow seas. Exult in the everchanging beauty and life of the bounteous Undersea. Revel in the joy of creation and increase its myriad aspects. Seek not to hold that which is everchanging, but instead love the change itself. Seek out fellow swimmers who honor the ways of the Lord of the Undersea, and ally with them against those who see only the darkness of the deeps. Follow the way of the dolphin. Promote the use of the seas by all reasonable folk for all time to come; fight those who would hoard its riches or pollute its depths.' -

Portfolio: creation, knowledge, oceans, sea elves Symbol: a dolphin

Sashelas plays little role in the lives of most elves, since his interests lie almost entirely beneath the waves. For surface elves he's the patron of sailors, to whom they make offerings for safe journeys and protection against Umberlee (these offerings, thrown overboard, are collected by sea elves and put to use for the benefit of their community).

While a member of his own pantheon, Sashelas is also the head of his own pantheon of aquatic deities called the Asathalfinare: comprised of the likes of deities of merfolk, selkies, tritons, etc. He spends most of his time focused on the wellbeing of aquatic elven communities and creating new art projects like underwater cave systems chasing his whims.

He's notorious for being unable to keep it in his pants, much to the extreme annoyance of his wife and the great entertainment of the rest of the Seldarine, who view his marital drama as one of their favourite soap operas.

Only aquatic elves (and half-elves) are part of his priesthood.

The Asathalfinare, which is not given a whole lot of focus so can be covered here, consists of:

Trishina, goddess of dolphins, and Sashelas' consort. Eadro, god of locathah and merfolk. Persana, god of tritons. Surminare, goddess of selkies. Water Lion, who is just weird.

The gods cooperated for the strength of their respective peoples, and to organise against their common enemies in Umberlee and the sahuagin god Sekolah.

(As this post is long as fuck and the sea elves are basically never relevant I'm just going to leave it at that.)

Hanali Celanil, Lady Goldenheart [Sune]

the Heart of Gold, Winsome Rose, Archer of Love, Kiss of Romance

'Life is worth living because of the beauty found in the world and the love that draws twin hearts together. Nurture what is beautiful in life, and let beauty's glow enliven and brighten the lives of those around you. The greatest joy is the rapture of newfound love and the tide of romance that sweeps over those wrapped in its embrace. Seek out and care for love wherever it takes root and bring it to its fullest bloom so that all may share in the joy and beauty it creates. Always give shelter and succour to young lovers, for their hearts are the truest guides to life's proper course.'

Portfolio: fine art, artists, beauty, romantic love Symbol: a golden heart

Hanali's primary worshippers are artists (which for elves means sculptors more than anything else), bards, dancers, actors and lovers. While there's definitely a sexual component to Hanali's realm of influence, she is the goddess of love and apparently frowns upon empty hedonism.

Appropriately for a love goddess, Hanali delights in seeing love and affection growing between people and her avatar often manifests in secret to protect elven lovers from those who would tear them apart. Her clergy are also under instructions to protect and aid lovers, regardless of any social stigma.

Depictions of Hanali in religious art show her with one finger resting on her chest, pointing at her heart and the other pointing to one ear, indicating that she is 'ever receptive to the prayers of lovers.'

Hanali herself has had trysts with nigh every member of the Seldarine, though her strongest affections lie with Erevan.

Sun elves: 30% Moon elves: 28% Half-sun: 17% Half-moon: 15% Green and wood: 7% Half-wood: 2% Everyone else: 1%

Erevan Illesere, the Trickster

The Chameleon the Green Changeling, the Evershifting Shapechanger, the Fey Jester, the Jack of the Seelie Court

‘Change and excitement are the spice of life. Live on the edge, unbound by the conventions of society in a spirit of constant self-reinvention. Puncture the self-righteousness, sanctimony, and pretension that pervades orderly society with mischievous pranks that both amuse and enlighten. Inspire laughter and happiness, giddy silliness, and welcome release from care so that the routine of day-to-day existence does not become worn so deep that it grinds all the joy from life. Celebrate the spontaneous, and practice random acts of helpfulness.’

Portfolio: Change, Mischief, Rogues Symbol: Nova star with asymmetrical rays

Patron god of rogues and adventurers, elven high society sometimes struggles to understand - no disrespect meant - why they have this deity. Primarily worshipped by troublemakers and those elves bored with the slow pace of elven society.

Erevan has no attention span; he's 'utterly unpredictable'; would rather spend his time partying and drinking and can be easily bribed with wine; gives aid when and where he feels like it and quickly gets annoyed and starts ignoring people when they rely on his divine aid too often; and enjoys setting up pranks, especially if they illustrate the flaws of people or rain on the parade of those who think themselves more important than anyone else.

His flightiness and propensity for pranking his fellow gods has led the Seldarine to lose patience, so Erevan is usually found in the company of gods with similar senses of restlessness, chaos and fun (Tymora, Shaundakul, the gnome pantheon, etc).

The only consistent description of Erevan is that he always wears something green - other than that he's a shapeshifter who never looks the same.

The only thing Erevan takes seriously is bullying. He's protective of small, vulnerably elven communities, and always champions the underdog. When said underdogs are threatened Erevan's flighty love of harmless pranks immediately cease to be 'harmless.' His championing of the underdog also makes him Eilistraee's closest friend.

Moon elves: 45% Green and wood elves: 30% Half-elves: 15% Sun elves: 9% Other: 1%

Fenmarel Mestarine, the Lone Wolf

‘The world is a harsh and unforgiving place, with uncompromising demands on those who would forge their own path. Rely not on others for protection, for betrayal comes easily, but on you own skills and those taught to you by the Lone Wolf: the skills of camouflage, deception and secrecy. Follow the way of the Lone Wolf, for his is the path of self-sufficiency. Fear not hard work, for the fruits of your labor prove your worth to yourself.’

Portfolio: Outcasts, Scapegoats, Isolation Symbol: A pair of eyes in darkness

Fenmarel was once a lover of Lolth before her attempted coup, who was almost tricked into betraying Corellon on her behalf, but panicked and backed out. Out of guilt, and the belief that Corellon resents him for his affair, Fenmarel left Arvandor for Limbo in self-exile. His relationship with Corellon is strained, and he resents Lolth and extends this to the dark elves.

Fenmarel is bitter, sullen, hates company of any kind, and has no sense of humour, always expecting the worst. He avoids commitments, but does extend his patronage to elven exiles and outcasts who find themselves without a community, serving as their protector while he teaches them how to survive in the wilderness and how to lie and hide amongst hostile company.

Followers of Fenmarel are viewed with suspicion and hostility by other elves who encounter them, as their choice of god is itself an admission of great wrongdoing and there's a strong chance these elves were banished from their communities for serious crime/s.

Green elves: 53% Moon elves: 22% Half-elves: 10% Lythari: 8% Sun elves: 6% Other: 1% Fenmarel hates the drow, and probably doesn't accept any.

Shevarash, the Black Archer

The Night Hunter, the Arrow Bringer

'The greatest enemy of the Seldarine is Lolth, who sought the corruption of Arvandor and the overthrow of the Creator. The greatest enemy of the Fair Folk is the drow, the debased followers of the Spider Queen who long ago were enmeshed in her dark web. Redemption and revenge may be achieved through the utter destruction of the drow and the dark powers they serve. Only then may the joy of life begin anew. Hunt fearlessly!'

Portfolio: Vengeance, Military crusades, Loss, Revenge, 'Hatred of drow' Symbol: A broken arrow before a teardrop

Shevarash was once a mortal green elf, known for his carefree nature and love of life, whose family was slaughtered by drow during a historical event known as the Dark Court Slaughter. In response he prayed to Corellon that he would never to smile again until Lolth and every single drow was dead, and spent the rest of his life hunting dark elves. Instead of sending him to therapy, when he died Corellon had him promoted to god. Sages believe that Shevarash may have been deified as a sort of lightnign rod for the surface elves' hatred of their cousins, keeping them from reaching the level of hatred seen in the Crown Wars so that Lolth has less to work with in corrupting more elves.

Shevarash has been forced to play nice with Eilistraee and is forbidden to harm her followers, but he doesn't like it.

While a member of the Seldarine he's not that close to them. He views Fenmarel as a superior, Solonor as a mentor, and is receptive to Sehanine's attempts to comfort him and get him to calm down already.

His entire personality revolves around how much he hates drow and anything to do with them, which has earned him pragmatic alliances with gods who are opposed to Lolth and/or are in conflict with drow, but not much friendship.

Except Shar, who he's sleeping with for her ability to numb his pain, which is causing something of an ongoing freakout amongst his pantheon.

Green elves: 33% Moon elves: 32% Sun elves: 29% Half-elves: 6%

Naturally there is absolutely zero chance in hell that Shevarash is accepting dark elves as priests, even if any would apply. Half-drow also need not apply.

And the members who are Toril exclusive:

Khalreshaar [Mielikki]

'Intelligent beings can live in harmony with the wild without requiring the destruction of one in the name of the other. Embrace the wild and fear it not, because the wild ways are the good ways. Keep the Balance and learn the hidden ways of life, but stress the positive and outreaching nature of the wild. Do not allow the trees to be needlesly felled or the forest burned. Live in the forest and be a part of the forest, but do not dwell in endless battle against the forest. Protect forest life, defend every tree, plant anew where death fells a tree, and restore the natural harmony that fire-users and woodcutters often disrupt. Live as one with the woods, teach others to do so, and punish and curtail those that hunt for sport or practice cruelties on wild creatures.'

Mielikki’s elven aspect; according to the oldest legends she's a human druid who died defending elven woodlands from the encroachment of human civilisation and was honoured with godhood by Corellon.

After the Time of Troubles a different version of her story rapidly gained popularity, one that says she's the daughter of Hanali Celanil and Silvanus, a half-elven goddess. This version of her story is immensely popular with half-elves, who eagerly claim her as a half-elven god, while many 'trueblood' elves (yes, that's a term they use) 'dismay.'

Zandilar the Dancer [Sharess]

'Life is to be lived to its fullest. That which is good is pleasurable and that which is pleasurable is good. Spread the bounty of the goddess so that all may join in the Endless Revel of Life and bring joy to all those in pain. Infinite experiences await those who would explore, so try the new as well as savouring the old.

Sharess’ elven aspect. Once a goddess of the Yuir pantheon who joined the Seldarine, and later fused with the Mulhorandi goddess Bast to survive when Vhaeraun nearly killed her. In contrast to Hanali, who is romantic, enduring love, Zandilar is passion that burns bright then burns out.

Avachel, ‘Quicksilver’ [Hlal/Aasternian]

The elven aspect of the draconic deity of learning, invention and pleasure; a trickster and patron of copper dragons, Hlal, sometimes known as Aasternian, who found her way into the pantheon by association with her bestie, Erevan. The two tend to do each others’ pantheon’s heads in with their pranks and humour, and generally find each others’ company more welcoming. In her elven aspect Hlal goes by male pronouns more often than not, and is represented as a mercury dragon. His adventures with the Fey Jester are the topic of many elven legends. Followers are encouraged to wander and follow their curiosity, as well as always thinking for themselves. The worst sin one could commit is in not trusting in yourself and allowing another to determine your life and thoughts for you.

Lashrae and Felarathael

A pair of solars loyal to Corellon who serve as messengers, worshipped by sun elves as members of the pantheon.

Usually dispatched as divine messengers and guardians whenever Corellon needs to make an important pronouncement to somebody for whatever reason. Lashrae is extremely emotional in manner and behaviour; Felarathel is stoic and coldly logical, although he makes reassuring company apparently.

They're also known for putting people in enchanted sleeps, teleporting them miles away, turning them into woodland animals, or robbing them of memories. Usually hostile creatures.

-------

The Dark Seldarine

Not a pantheon in the sense that the other two are. The term is simply used to group together the deities most commonly associated with drow, none of these entities are allies*. Whereas a worshipper of the Seldarine can honour all the elven gods, the seelie court and any other deities relevant to their lives, a worshipper of the Dark Seldarine may find this a struggle as none of the drow gods want to share with each other. They can't even share a plane, with each deity living alone. The closest to an alliance in there is Selvetarm being enslaved by Lolth. *That said, Eilistraee and Vharaun are supposed to have worked out their differences and possibly even be friends by the time the 15th century's rolled around. It hasn't turned up on paper so far, but that's what was planned for them.

Lolth is the most powerful and infamous, and generally the only known drow deity to non-drow (and a great deal of her own drow worshippers, honestly). Selvetarm and Kiaransalee begrudgingly recognise her authority and serve her, while the twins and Ghaunadaur don't but lack the power to challenge her directly.

They're not hands-off gods. Eilistraee alone keeps her distance in order to afford her followers their freedom ('she acknowledges the need for individual drow to find their own path to redemption that heavy-handed interference on her part would preclude') and doesn't object to them worshipping other gods alongside her, but the rest of the Dark Seldarine demand 'absolute obedience and exclusive veneration in exchange for great power' and tend to show up in person and directly meddle a fair bit. If a specific church has control of a city then all other gods are off the table (Menzoberranzan is a Lolth stronghold; Llurth Dreier is Ghaunadan; V'elddrinnsshar is Kiaransaleen) When more than one church has significant presence in a settlement it usually tears said settlement apart due to the conflict.

The Dark Seldarine has origins in the War of the Seldarine when Lolth - then Araushnee, goddess of destiny and artisans and patron godess of the dark elves - attempted to stage a coup and claim power from her lover, Corellon (it was not a healthy relationship on either side). She was aided by their son Vhaeraun, who between one parent neglecting him and the other verbally and physically abusing him, resented them both enough to have no problem backstabbing the one and allying with the other with the aim to stab her in the back later. Eilistraee, trying to earn the attention and affection of both parents, was easily manipulated into becoming a pawn and seemingly assassinated her father. While Corellon was willing to overlook her part and Sehanine defended her against accusations of guilt, Eilistraee was exiled with her mother and twin both at her own request (because the dark elves would need divine aid to counter Lolth) and Vharaun's demand (to spite Corellon for favouring his sister).

The twins were permitted to simply leave, and Vhaeraun left with his unconscious sister to places unknown. Their mother, on the other hand, was transformed into a demon and banished to the Abyss.

Sages estimate these events occurred between -30,000 DR and -29,500 DR.

Eilistraee and Vharaun remained within elven knowledge and were worshipped for aeons. Araushnee worked her way to the title of Demon Lord in the Abyss, along the way picking up a drow necromancer from another world (Kiaransalee) and suffering the advances and then the enmity of the primordial evil Ghaunadaur, who - unbeknownst to Lolth - had also been cultivating worship on Toril since at least as early as -25,100 DR.

Lolth first noticed the existence of Toril in -24,400 DR after the incursion of a moon elf in the Abyss, and then turned her attention towards corrupting the elves to spite Corellon.

When, exactly these various deities began to be classified as a pantheon is unknown to me, but it was likely formed at some point during the Crown Wars as the Ilythiiri, formerly worshippers of Eilistraee and Vhaeraun - before the First Sundering and the Dark Disaster destroyed the twins' worshipper bases and took them out of the picture for eons - fell further and further under the control of the cults of Ghaunadaur, Lolth and Kiaransalee and started to build coherent religions out of these new deities (many dark elves died to divine smiting whenever their blind efforts to understand their new goddess offended).

With the Descent of the Drow and the dark elves splintering into various hostile factions and cities, worship of the Dark Seldarine has developed into countless different forms and all the religions (and the sects within those religions) view each other poorly. Lolthites, for example, claim that Lolth is the only true deity and that the other 'gods' are pretenders, the Seldarine in disguise trying to tempt them away with lies and trickery, demons in Lolth's service, and so on so forth... assuming they're aware that other gods exist.

Like the Seldarine, there are other dark elven gods, but I haven't heard of them on Toril so I'm assuming they aren't known or worshipped.

Lolth, the Spider Queen

Quarvalsharess, Weaver of Chaos, the Mother of Lusts, Dark Mother of All Drow, Demon Queen of the Abyss, Queen of the Demonweb Pits

'Fear is as strong as steel, while love and respect are soft, useless feelings that none can lean on. All drow who do not worship Lolth must be converted or destroyed. All weak and rebellious drow must be weeded out. All who impugn the faith must perish. Males or slaves of other races who act independently of Lolth's dictates (and those of her priests) must be sacrificed to Lolth. Those of the faithful whose loyalty is weak must be eliminated. Children are to be raised as loyal worshipers of Lolth, and each family should produce at least one priest to serve the Spider Queen better than his or her parents. Arachnids of all sorts are to be revered, and anyone who mistreats or kills a spider must die. '

Portfolio: chaos, spiders, evil, darkness, dark elves, (formerly: destiny) Symbol: A black spider with a drow woman's head Realm: 'The Demonweb Pits,' in the Abyss

Formerly Corellon's consort Araushnee, the Weaver of Destiny, patron deity of dark elves and goddess of artisans and fate who felt suffocated and resentful in her position and decided to stage a coup to claim power for herself.

The most well known of the Dark Seldarine and generally the only drow god anyone's heard of. A bottomless pit of sadism and ambition and all around terrible mother who enjoys terrorising everybody and watching the world dissolve into chaos and bloodshed for her own personal hunger games.

Zinzerena, the Hunted

The Princess of Outcasts

'Raise yourself up by bringing others down. Don't reveal your strength, or your hatred, until your victim is helpless. Don't strike until you have the advantage the only fair fight is the one you win. Once the trap is sprung, make time to gloat before the kill. The legs of the spider are made to be broken.'

Portfolio: Assassins, Lies, Illusion, Humiliation, Ambushes Symbol: A sword draped in a black cloak Realm: The Prime Material Plane

A mortal assassin of legendary skill whose power led her to the bottom rung of godhood (demigod), her divinity and portfolios were usurped by Lolth on Toril, but apparently Zinzerena has returned as an independent demipower due to the Second Sundering.

She is the token neutral god of an evil pantheon (Chaotic Neutral). Information on Zinzerene is hard to get, and the only source on her is from setting-neutral sources or for Greyhawk*, so whether this is accurate or not is hard to tell until - and if - any conflicting Realms-specific information overwrites it. *Zinzerena is not from Torilian drow stock, and it's believed that she was born on Oerth. Some stories claim that she's the demigod child of Lolth herself, hidden and raised away from the Spider Queen's sight until she was old enough to strike out at her mother.

Zinzerena's lore is taught from parent to child through folktales rather than in recorded formal religious texts: a hero to the common people who tricks her way into the ranks of the gods. All her tales seem to involve illusion magic. She is revered by the commoner and those even lower than them, those who toil and suffer under the tyranny of the noble houses and yearn for change.

While she preaches cruelty, such teachings are more in the spirit of surviving in a harsh world rather than cruelty for cruelty's sake.

Her ethos is not incompatible with Vhaeraun, though as a goddess of rogues she's likely to be seen as competition for the same followers and he may be more interested in keeping her down (as a goddess she will likely be more popular than him with drow women.)

Vhaeraun, the Masked Lord

the Masked God of Night; the Shadow

‘The shadows of the Masked Lord must cast off the tyranny of the Spider Queen and forcibly reclaim their birthright and rightful place in the Night Above. The existing drow matriarchies must be smashed, and the warring practices of twisted Lolth done away with so that the drow are welded into a united people, not a squabbling gaggle of rival Houses, clans, and aims. Vhaeraun will lead his followers into a society where the Ilythiiri once again reign supreme over the other, lesser races, and there is equality between males and females.’

Portfolio: thievery, trickery, drow poisoners and poisons, drow men, and ‘evil doings in the surface world’ Symbol: A mask Realm: 'Ellaniath,' on the prison plane of Carceri

'...why are things so cruel and divisive? Why isn't there more harmony, mutual enjoyment, and common growth in power? Why, after thousands of years, are we still all stuck in this one cavern, at each other's throats all the time when we could be great, rule a vast part of the Underdark, and all live like surface-world kings?' - The questions that earn you an audience with Vhaeraun.

His church is less like a faith and more like a resistance movement, he doesn’t care what you personally think of him and will lend his power to you so long as your goals of overthrowing Lolth align with his (don’t be rude though). Vhaeraunites are forbidden to interact with dwarves and gnomes for some reason (which Vhaeraunites have been known to ignore, maybe because the writers forgot about this?), though intermarriage with surface elves to bring them into the fold and alliances with the shadier side of humanity are relatively common, and Vhaeraun accepts converts from them. He and Mask often exploit their overlapping portfolios and masquerade as each other in an attempt to poach followers and usurp each others place. Vhaeraun in particular is trying to leverage it to spread his influence through human cultures and secure his people’s footholds. The two also count each other as allies, so it's not bothering them much.

His priests are split into two groups; Darkmasks and Masked Traitors. The latter is comprised of priestesses of Lolth who have secretly defected. Vhaeraun lends his aid so that they can go undetected within the hierarchy of Lolth’s church and serve as spies and saboteurs. Darkmasks are his more obvious priests who serve him openly; mostly drow, of whom all are male, with some humans, half-drow and elves (which does include women).

Vhaeraun himself has mood ring hair and eyes – they change colour depending on his current emotions. He’s vain and a bit hypocritical (he and his followers can use whatever underhanded methods they please to advance, but if you use them on his followers he’ll lose his shit and tear your neck out. Some of his followers say he is a caring god (to them)). He also has a bad temper and bears grudges a mile long, especially against his neglectful father, his abusive mother, Sehanine (who he failed to keep imprisoned), his son (who ended up being enslaved by Lolth), his sister (who was 'the favourite')... a lot of people.

Since the War of the Spider Queen – when he and Eilistraee sort-of ended up the same entity and apparently developed an ‘understanding,’ deep enough to even merit the term ‘friendship,’ - he has apparently softened a touch and encourages his followers to extend their reach by presenting themselves as helpful rather than as conquerors and rogues (even if they're only pretending to be 'good' as a mask to divert scrutiny from their less savoury activities) and he advises them to leave Eilistraeeans alone. Whether said followers are listening to those commands is another matter.

Eilistraee, the Dark Maiden

Lady Silverhair, Lady of the Dance

'Be always kind, except in battle with evil. Encourage happiness everywhere. Learn and teach new songs, dances, and the flowing dance of skilled swordwork. Promote harmony between the races. Befriend strangers, shelter those without homes, and feed the hungry. Repay rudeness with kindness. Repay violence with swift violence so that those who cause it are swiftly dealt with. Aid drow in distress and give them the Lady's message: 'A rightful place awaits you in the Realms Above, in the Land of the Great Light. Come in peace and live beneath the sun again where trees and flowers grow.'

Porfolio: song, beauty, dance, swordwork, hunting, moonlight, fertility and motherhood Symbol: a silver long sword against a full moon, with silvery filaments surrounding it in a nimbus Realm: 'The Court of the Dance,' in Ysgard

Token good party member. Eilistraee tries to be a caring mother figure to the drow, who she attempts to pull away from the Dark Seldarine's influence and put into therapy and PR schemes so that they can return to the surface and live peaceful lives.

Eilistraee is melancholy and brooding more often than not, kind natured but with a temper simmering under the surface. Happiness comes to her while watching musicians, craftsmen, and acts of kindness and love.

She tries to give her worshippers as much space and personal freedom as possible, and when those followers are harmed she will lash out. Not always directly, but Eilistraee often lends her aid to beings she favours in small, practical ways.

She has a bizarre aversion to clothes that we've all been judging Ed Greenwood for for years.

Selvetarm, Champion of Lolth

The Spider that Waits, the Spider Demon, Prince of the Aranea, Lord of the Venomire

'War is the ultimate expression of individual power, and only through battle and death can one realize the respect of one's comrades. Hone fighting skills constantly and teach those who will follow into the fray. Never give or receive quarter, and die amidst the bloodlust of battle against overwhelming odds. Cultivate as many different weapon tricks and combat manoeuvres as a spider has arms, and never fear that hidden venom, like a secret vengeance waiting to strike, will serve you ill.'

Portfolio: Warriors Symbol: Spider in front of a crossed sword and mace. Realm: The Demonweb Pits

Patron of drow warriors and a symbol of ultimate prowess in combat.

Selvetarm is the son of Vhaeraun and Zandilar, who attempted to seduce Vhaeraun in an act of intrigue that nearly killed her. Their son wandered the world alone, ignoring and seemingly being ignored in the conflict between the two pantheons he was born between and eventually came across a fellow outcast in the form of Eilistraee. His aunt successfully befriended him and hoped that maybe he could be part of healing the rift between dark elves and their cousins. Lolth thought so too, and also really didn't like the idea of Eilistraee having any allies, so she decided to ruin everything.

His grandmother convinced him that a demon lord, Zanassu (who just so happened to have pissed her off by claiming to have lordship over spiders) should be slain by him so that he could take the demon's essence, empowering himself and making himself more useful and more impressive to his aunt, whose approval he craved. Taking on Zanassu's essence, as intended, corrupted him into something malicious and destructive, and the battle weakened him enough that Lolth was able to step in and enslave his will to hers. She made him her personal bodyguard and slave.

Selvetarm is perpetually angry and spiteful. He hates everything that lives, and especially hates Lolth more than anything. The only good thing in the world to him is the skill of a trained fighter. He can be extremely patient if he really has to, but hates doing so and would rather just go into a raging murder frenzy. If called on by his priests he'll generally either manifest and deal with the issue himself or totally ignore the prayer.

His clergy are usually a minor subset of Lolth's clergy, being seen as her followers as just another demon under her command. More recently his followers have begun pushing back working on establishing their own communities independent of the Spider Queen. She isn't taking kindly to that.

Kiaransalee, the Revenancer

Lady of the Dead, the Vengeful Banshee

'Death comes to all, and cruel vengeance will be exacted on those who waste their lives on the petty concerns of this existence. True power comes only from the unquestioning servitude of the once-dead, mastery over death, and the eventual earned stature of one of the ever-living in death. Hunt, slay, and animate those who scorn the Revenancer's power, and answer any slight a thousandfold so that all may know the coming power of Kiaransalee.'

Portfolio: Undeath, Revenge Symbol: The hand of a drow woman, bearing many silver rings on her fingers. Realm: 'Thanatos,' in the Abyss

Kiaransalee was a mortal dark elven queen from a different world called Threnody who decided to start practicing necromancy and experimenting on the populace and was exiled by her husband and proclaimed drow. She responded to that by turning all of Threnody into an dead wasteland and then fled to the Abyss when the Seldarine informed her they were decidedly unhappy about that. Within the Abyss she garnered enough power to become a minor divinity, and met the exiled Araushnee/Lolth who forced her into vassalage. The two have a terrible working relationship, and Kiaransalee would love to rip the Spider Queen's heart out and eat it; to that end she beat the shit of the demon lord of undeath Orcus and stole his house, establishing herself as an elven goddess of undeath.

Her followers are few, mostly being found in small settlements and hidden enclaves and they tend to have a laser focus on the undead, usually becoming undead themselves.

She counts Jergal amongst her enemies, likely a combination of squabbling over closely linked offices and a disagreement over the role of undeath. (Kiaransalee, like most necromancers, sees it as mastery over death while Jergal is all about the nihilism and death of everything, undeath is just another temporary state and undead that exist without his permission/outside of his service are blasphemous).

Ghaunadaur, the Elder Eye

That Which Lurks, the Ancient One

'All creatures have their place, and all are fit to wield power. Those who hunt weed out the weak and strengthen the stock of all. Those who rebel or who walk apart find new ways and try new things and do most to advance their races. Creatures of power best house the energy of life, which Ghaunadaur reveres and represents.' 'The faithful of Ghaunadaur are to make sacrifices to the Eye, persuade others to sacrifice themselves to Ghaunadaur or in service of the Eye, further the knowledge and fear of Ghaunadaur, and in the end give themselves to Ghaunadaur in unresisting self-sacrifice. Priests of Ghaunadaur are to convert all beings that they can to worship Ghaunadaur. They must slay all clergy of other faiths, plundering their temples and holdings for wealth to better their own lot and to further the worship of Ghaunadaur.'

Portfolio: Outcasts, Rebels, Oozes, Slimes, Jellies, Ropers, Anything subterranean Symbol: An eye on a purple background Realm: 'The Cauldron of Slime,' on the Paraelemental Plane of Ooze

A primordial evil with dominion over oozes and slimes who has been plaguing Toril with his presence since the dawn of its existence. Ghaunadaur is am amorphous giant blob of dark purple covered in tentacles. Within Realmspace he also controls the cults of the Demon Lord, Jubilex, and the Elder Elemental God, Tharizdun, as these two eldritch horrors have no presence on Toril themselves.

It's believed on Toril that beings such as gelatinous cubes and mustard jellies were once sapient, but when Ghaunadaur attempted to usurp the newly-made Demon Lord Lolth by seducing her and she said she wasn't interested in fucking a giant puddle of slime he threw a temper tantrum and stripped them of all sentience for something to hurt, which destroyed his own power in the process since they were no longer able to worship him. Nowadays he's taking them from Lolth.

Ghaunadaur's behaviours and intentions can be impossible for humanoids to wrap their heads around. Ghaunadaur cannot communicate with words (or not many) telepathically communicating with blunt and simple messages of three words of less. Sometimes it sends its greatest aid in exchange for empty lip service and sometimes it eats those who pray to it without any warning. Ghaunadaur almost always appears in person when called upon by its followers. Its titular eye may appear on its altars, and making eye contact and not looking away fast enough causes a host of random effects like: dropping dead, going into a coma, rapid aging, going into a blind murderous rage against everyone around you, panic attacks and generalyl losing your mind in a manner similar to failing a Sanity check when playing Call of Cthulhu.

In exchange for whatever its giving its followers - 95% of whom are men, although Ghaunadaur himself doesn't care what your gender is - Ghaunadaur expects constant praise accompanied by being fed sacrifices, with the expectation being that in the end you will be sacrificed.

[kytsuine-blog]

Ok so I'm going to do a better, Tumblr-focused writeup soon and also track down those blogs to talk about them more specifically, but I fell for a misinformation scheme today and want to talk about how and why. Here's an email I sent my little cousin about it.

This morning, I encountered a Tumblr post talking about the TikTok ban and the government's attempt to severely curtail digital privacy rights as part of it.

I had heard that the TikTok ban was currently up for debate in the Senate, after passing the House with strong bipartisan support. I was not surprised by the information in the screenshots; it matched with things I knew the government had tried to do often in the past, and often under similar circumstances. I looked up the bill linked to verify, and yeah, it was an active bill that had been introduced in the Senate. (I should have realized then that there was an issue with what I was reading, but in my defense it was about 6:00 AM, and I was just glancing over things in the parking lot before going in to work.)

Concerned for the digital privacy and security of my family, and especially the ones I can't just drive to, I drafted the following message to you:

"I haven't had time to read all the way through the RESTRICT act that the Senate proposed, but summaries I've seen indicate that as written it's a massive overreach. It's better known as the TikTok ban; the news has been focusing on that part as it passes through Congress so far.

I always sign my emails to you with my public key. Both of you should look up how to use PGP to send me encrypted emails with that. It may become even more important soon to normalize secure encryption in Internet communications, and there may also be things that we wish to discuss that state or federal laws may frown on in the future.

I planned to introduce topics related to computer and information security more gradually, but making sure that talking about those is possible at all is an important part of that.

Congress.gov page on the bill

Tweet thread"

(As an aside, I do still think that normalizing encryption is a very worthwhile thing to do; it makes the web a safer place for activists and informants needing a way to communicate without surveillance, without being singled out as enemies of the surveillance state.)

I then checked through the notes of the Tumblr post to see if there was more context I wanted to share, and noticed people who called out a detail that I missed. That post was first posted in March of 2023, a little over a year ago. It refers to an entirely different bill than the TikTok ban which is currently going through the Senate, one which activists successfully stalled (and likely killed) last year. This year's bill is much more targeted (though, as implemented, I still have issues with it); its text can be found here.

This is a classic example of how misinformation spreads. I did not have bad intent when I went to share that commentary on last year's bill with you, and I did not find it from someone with bad intent (in fact, she subsequently shared a commentary I posted on the actual bill, in reply to her original incorrect post.) From what I can tell, on March 14, a number of mostly inactive politically-focused blogs all shared that post directly from the original poster (not from someone who had it in their feed, like a normal Tumblr interaction). Each of these was tagged with fairly popular political tags. None of these blogs has posted since, keeping it at the top of their page to get more eyes on it.

Misinformation is spread deliberately, and it takes caution and checking of your biases to combat it. I almost fell for this one because I expected it to be true. I should have checked on it before sharing anything at all. Looking at it now, I ask: who benefits from this?

Most directly, proponents of the current TikTok ban benefit from activist efforts being directed towards a functionally dead bill. This, apparently, includes the strong majority of the House, on both sides of the aisle; it may be assumed that it also includes the government's surveillance agencies (as it is easier to compel data from American companies than from foreign ones, particularly Chinese ones). It could also include other social media sites, especially those like YouTube and Instagram that compete directly with TikTok in the realm of algorithmically driven short videos.

More abstractly, though, this misinformation benefits the status quo, and conservatism as a whole. By causing people who are invested in the TikTok ban (mostly left-leaning people) to engage with more stringent and concerning bills, stress is increased on activists and burnout becomes more likely. Targeting the mental health of left-leaning activists is a tactic we've seen multiple times recently in misinformation campaigns; another example is the "the Guardian is doing a story on DIY HRT" hoax that recently circulated among my trans friends. This type of stressful lie misinformation serves the dual purpose of causing activists to burn out and decreasing trust among communities that share it.

This is a new specific strategy to me, but the solution is the same as ever. Check your sources when you speak publicly, check how your biases affect what ideas seem "clearly correct", and aim for your statements to maximize quality, rather than quantity. That's a discipline I still need to refine, but it's not hard. Just requires a bit of diligence.

[jazzhandsmcleg]

how to deal with door-to-door canvassers during political campaign season (and any other time of year)

hello, fellow USAmericans. as you may know (mild sarcasm), the presidential election is now slightly over one month away. political canvassers of all stripes began ramping up their campaigns last month, and this month things will get even more hectic.

I worked as a door-to-door canvasser for a political nonprofit for a few weeks last month! while that certainly doesn't make me an expert, I haven't seen anyone more knowledgeable about how canvassing works make a post like this, so...I'm here to do what I can.

bear in mind that this is mostly geared toward nonprofit and political door-to-door canvassing in the USA, but some of it applies to general canvassers and probably to some other countries too.

before we get into it: for those who just want to know the fastest way to get rid of a canvasser at your door without going into a readmore: it's either a) don't answer your door (even if we can see you through your window! you are under no obligation) or b) say "no thank you" and then close your door. we don't consider it rude and will in fact thank you for saving us both time and energy. that being said, please be polite!

and now, the full guide, beginning with:

the walkup.

first of all, be aware that canvassing can happen across a wide range of days and times. where I live, canvassing is allowed until 9pm if you can believe that. we only went til 8pm, but that's still very late in this part of the country. usually we were a M-F enterprise, but weekends are now on the table as the election nears, and of course religious canvassers and business canvassers will have their own models for when they come to your place.

canvassers will assess your house for loose dogs in the yard, "no trespassing" signs, "no soliciting" signs, locked gates, and the like.

generally canvassers will open simple latches. canvassers generally-to-always will NOT remove locks even if they are not fastened.

non-profit, political, and religious canvassers are allowed to ignore "no soliciting" signs because they are not asking for your money (assuming the political canvassers aren't fundraising, anyhow); people who want you to pay them to trim your trees or mow your lawn or whatever are not allowed to ignore these.

"no trespassing" signs are a little tougher. I made another post about it here.

that post also covers more ornate signs that say things like "no charities, no religion, no sales, no nothing. go away, my dog hates you and so do I", though those are a bit more of a grey area. suffice to say the more of them there are, the less likely we are to knock on your door.

however, the bottom line is that all of this varies slightly by jurisdiction so be sure to check your local bylaws. canvassers must go by the letter of the law so make sure that what you're putting on your front door will get you the intended effect. yes, this sometimes means ignoring your two dozen "no soliciting" signs.

the knock/the ring.

most canvassers only try a door twice. that can be one doorbell ring and one knock, two knocks, whatever. some try it three times. no one I worked with wanted to waste their time any more than that. we have quotas to hit and if you're not answering, you're not answering.

that being said, sometimes the same canvasser or a different canvasser from the same organization will come back around a few hours or even days later. if we come back on the same day, it's probably because our numbers are low or we finished early and we want to keep trying. if we come back on a different day, it might be a follow-up to the original visit or it might be a completely new topic they want to talk to you about. we always appreciate it a lot when people are willing to entertain repeat visits.

remember that you are under no obligation to answer the door. in fact, if you're just going to be nasty to us because we ignored your "no soliciting" sign, we prefer that you don't open the door. it saves all of us time and energy.

this includes if we made eye contact through the window, if you were actually in your garage or yard or car and you saw us as we walked up, anything like that. some canvassers are going to be more proactive than others in trying to engage with you in these cases. walk deeper into the house; close the garage door; pretend you don't see or hear us; whatever. canvassers don't care and won't hold it against you even if they are one of the more proactive types!

the contact: part 1 (intro).

often canvassers have a little mini speech they have to get through to introduce themselves and what they're doing on your doorstep before they'll actually get around to asking you their questions/offering to sell you whatever/handing you a pamphlet.

we try to keep this as short as possible because we know no one wants to be stuck on a doorstep forever, feel free to ask us to get to the chase if you're busy or what have you. we will usually oblige.

similarly, we try to keep it short because we know that other people from other organizations might have been here recently to ask you the exact same things and you're tired of it. if this is the case, we appreciate your patience and willingness to engage with us even if you've already done this rigmarole three times this week.

don't be surprised if people know your name and some of your information. for example, because they were a nonprofit, the canvassing company I worked for had access to the voter rolls. also don't be surprised if they have the information for the previous resident, especially if you live in an apartment. our information was often out of date by a couple of years.

the contact: part 2 (the sell).

if you don't want to answer the questionnaire, talk religion, or have your gutters cleaned, a polite "no thank you" and the immediate closing of your door will get rid of all but the sleaziest of canvassers.

you don't owe us anything more than that, and we will thank you for not wasting our time!

when I was canvassing, I was instructed to keep talking until I hear three hard "no"s or until I hear the click of a latch, so closing the door on us really is the fastest and easiest way to get rid of us. otherwise we will take your objections seriously (i.e. we will assume you are not lying to us to try and get away) and do our best to overcome them, thus wasting your time and ours.

whether or not you want to engage with the canvasser and whatever they're talking about, please bear in mind that a lot of us have quotas to hit if we want to keep our jobs. your taking two minutes out of your day to answer three questions or hear our our sales pitch or whatever will help us with that, and we appreciate it even if you're brusque or in a hurry or we don't personally agree with your opinions. we're really not there to judge you or throw your day out of whack. we're just there to do our jobs and get paid.

if you really want to go above and beyond for the canvasser and their job, we may have bonuses attached to optional-but-preferred things like signing up a newsletter or what have you. giving out your email address, even if it's a fake one or you unsubscribe immediately upon receiving your first letter, can be very helpful.

granted, there's less at stake for volunteer (some political and most religious) canvassers, but there's not always an easy way to tell those apart. do what you gotta do, really, but be aware that it may matter quite a bit to us.

and that's it! I understand that there can be a lot of distrust for door-to-door salespeople and canvassers, and I also definitely understand why, but it really doesn't have to be painful. again, even if you absolutely hate whatever it is they're trying to get you to do, a simple "no thank you" and closing your door will solve the problem 95% of the time. (2.5% of the rest of the time it may be a predatory canvasser who will continue to bother you, and 2.5% of the time it's a targeted campaign and the canvasser has to confirm your identity before they'll take no as an answer, so they'll be back to try again later.)

other do's and don't's:

do consider offering canvassers something to drink or a snack if you have any to spare, or the use of your bathroom if you really hit it off with someone. canvassing is often hot and sweaty/cold and damp work with unpleasant hours, and individual canvassers aren't always well looked-after (especially if they're volunteers)!

similarly, do consider offering to let a canvasser wait out a storm on your porch.

do remember that canvassers are people just like you, and that you live in a society that requires you to put up with behavior from other people that you don't like from time to time.

if you have a barking dog, do consider stepping outside of your house to speak with us. it'll be faster and easier.

don't ask us to touch or interact with your mailbox for any reason. it's a federal offense.

don't be an ass!

Thanks for reading. :)

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

ok, so!! there's also another little thing about luis and the merchant that i haven't seen anyone discuss. in luis' house in the village, you can see a few packages of food (like in the first picture in your post, near the doll; it looks like a tomato soup or something??). and in the merchant's spot near the lake you can see a box of similar packages (not the same though, as far as i remember, but still they're similar, in a sense that it's still some modern food and it looks out of place in this village. it's something we only see in luis's house) sorry i don't have any pictures tho :((

so what im trying to say is that i just love that through these tiny little details we actually get a glimpse of luis's everyday life in valdelobos. i mean, just imagine him taking a boat to go on a little grocery trip to the merchant 😭😭 and it also kind of implies that luis actually knew the merchant and interacted with him somewhat regularly. like, it's not even that big of a detail, but i just love thinking about it 😭

(also don't stress yourself over answering these asks quickly!! there's no rush. i hope you're doing well!!)

Quick TW for discussions of food, starvation and animal death under cut!

@silverhexrt Thank you SO much for being so patient with me for this!!!!!!!! BUT YES YES YES OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO ABSOLUTELY RIGHT I’ve seen people talk about the canisters of food lying around his old childhood home but not NEARLY enough about the fact that those same packets of food are found elsewhere in the game too!!!!! Unfortunately I don’t have a photo on-hand of the exact model you’re talking about near the Merchant, but I do have a photo of one of the packets of tomato soup you were talking about;

Alongside the tomato soup there’s also various spices and I THIIIIIIINK what’s supposed to be a packet of noodles????

Needless to say Luis most likely did NOT have a very good diet during the last of his time spent in Valdelobos HFNUEENEUNDIDMD

And again I don’t have photos of the exact model you’re talking about but!!! YEAH!!!!!!!! You’re absolutely right!!!!!!!!!!!! Luis might’ve hung around the Merchant or even waited by his little corner stand for him to come back with decent food or cigarettes!!!! I doubt Luis would’ve been able to go along with him wherever he went cuz A) I think he would’ve escaped Valdelobos MUCH sooner if that were the case HCNWHENEUSN and B) The Merchant is kind of an enigma. Where’s he getting his stock from?????? Who knows!!!!!!!!!! He’s a mystery man we’ll never get answers for!!!!!!!!

It also makes me wonder WHY he gravitated towards those foods instead of just killing the livestock that hung around the village or eating the fish you can find hanging up on the side of the house. Did he feel bad??? Did he just not know how to effectively kill livestock????? Was he trying to preserve it???????? Or did he have a childhood preference?????? Did his Grandfather or whoever looked after him make him those foods??????? Did HE as a child wander into nearby towns to get those foods??????????????? How did his supply of food get so low????? Was Los Illuminados feeding him and the other scientists he worked with or were they starving them to death and Luis was the only one with a source of food???????????

I also wanna mention a theory a friend of mine @hamartia-grander put together- I’ll link the original post if I can find it but the tl;dr of their idea was ‘Hey! Y’know those yellow bits of paint that are splattered on crates n stuff that indicate there’s items inside in both the main game and Seperate Ways?? What if that was Luis who made them and put the items in to help himself escape later down the line?????’ And I think that paired with your theory that Luis hung around the Merchant for a while makes for a REALLY interesting narrative!!!!!!!

And also I am FAR from the first person to point this out but again. Luis clearly does NOT have a good diet while in Valdelobos. It makes me wonder if that added to the urgency of him trying to get out (I mean obviously but still HD EHENEISN HOW hungry was this guy) and if he DID survive, how would he react to returning to an environment where food is easily accessible???? How would that trauma and instinct to hoard come into play??????? Would he gain any weight as a sign of healing???????? It’s a VERY interesting subject to delve into but obviously one you’ve gotta handle with care

TL;DR is that I think people gloss over WAY too much the just. Straight-up HORROR of Luis’ situation. Like take all the supernatural elements away- this is a man trying his best to not starve to death and succumb to the same infection everyone around him has. He’s got no other scientists (they’re all dead) no other family (MEGA dead) and to me it makes the fact that his first and most important goal is helping the others instead of helping HIMSELF first all the more just. Devastating BDNEJEMSJXJ

Anyways this went SO OFF THE POINT YOU WERE MAKIMG DHENEYENDIDK but OUGH the idea of Luis and the Merchant just hanging out together trying to survive The Horrors best they can is!! SUCH a heart wrenching idea!!!!!! Thank you SO SO SO much for this ask I went INSANE over it clearly HDBEHENEJXNS

[schizosamwincester]

Hello! Welcome my sideblog! If you want to see me post about not Supernatural, my main is @drowninginredink.

If you're not going to read this introduction, it/its please, yes I am actually schizophrenic, and beware, incest lies ahead. The rest is below the cut.

Fics:

You sound absurd, even if you're right - schizophrenic!Sam, sampreg, Sam & Dean, past Sam/Lucifer

The Story Doesn't Change - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, Mystery Spot

Hold you breath, I'll hold mine too - past Sam/Jess, Sam/Dean, sampreg, miscarriage

Sissy - closeted trans woman!Dean/John

Sister - Sam finds out about trans woman!Dean (Sam & Dean)

Subsist - Vignettes between Sam and closeted trans woman!Dean

Pretty Thing (you'll be complete) - Closeted trans woman!Dean/Post-op trans woman!Bela (smut)

Drink to Forget - AU where Sam dies in Carry On instead of Dean

I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss

But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans woman!Dean & closeted trans woman!John

Take My Body - trans man!Sam/John

A disfiguring chicken pox of the soul - weirdcest, weecest, trans boy!Sam/trans girl!Dean (not that either knows it yet)

like the baptism he never had - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Silver Linings - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (yes, again. But this time it's Mystery Spot)

Like Flies from your Face - Dean & Bobby, suicidal!Dean (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Tonight I give in to the fantasy - Trans woman!Dean, sex worker!Dean

I'll use you as a warning sign - Sam/John, Dean/John, unplanned pregnancy

the road is so long - one-sided John/Dean, pining Dean, Christmas

Webweaves:

Sober II/samjohn

An Overdue Downfall/Sam

The Sonnet-Ballad/deanjohn

Drowning in the Sound/John

Slip Slidin' Away/Sam and John

I Haven't Masturbated in Five Days for Fear of Crying/wincest

Z-E-P-H-Y-R/Sam and Dean (and the Impala)

Big Houses/wincest

And Saints/John and Mary

The Cigarette Duet/wincest

What Makes a Man?/deanjohn

Rent/wincest

The Moon Will Sing/John and Dean

less words/wincest

Bike/wincest

Big Houses/Dean

San Cristóbal/Sam

Young and Dumb/Sam (implied wincest)

Father/deanjohn

I use mostly my own screenshots for weaves, so if you ever want one for your own thing, just ask and I'll send you the original!

All the posts about my pet headcanon are tagged "#schizophrenic sam winchester." Creative, I know. The occasional solely schizophrenia related posts are tagged "#schizospec education." Queue tag is #hallqueuecinations and oh boy do I have way too much stuff queued. I do tag ships so you can filter them out if you want to, but like... I am a johndean and wincest person. If you really don't want to see that, you should just leave.

I am watching SPN for the first time and am currently on episode S4 E12. Maybe. I do forget to update this number a lot. Don't worry about spoiling me. Trust me, I've already been all over SPN tumblr. And yes, I am already headcanoning Sam as schizophrenic despite having not yet gotten to the part where he actually hallucinates. Pretty early on, I'd seen enough from the fandom to know that Sam was going to give me ~feelings~ as a schizophrenic, but Home was what sold me on it. The way he responds to the vision is exactly like my experience of delusions. It's like having blinders on. You can't think about anything else and you need to figure it all out and fix it right this minute. It's urgent and obsessive in the same way Sam was. His body language, too, was just perfect, down to just what he did with his hands. I look at Sam, especially Sam getting visions, and I see myself. So. Sam Winchester is schizophrenic. Not in some "Sam hallucinated the entire show" way (God I hate those theories) or that none of the supernatural stuff is real. Everything we see is real, but Sam's brain also pulls some shit of its own.

A very important note, given the name of my blog: schizo is a slur. I reclaim it a lot. I was diagnosed by people who want to change the definition of schizophrenia, and so for a long time, I was explicitly told not to call myself schizophrenic. That's bullshit. My symptoms aren't quite traditional, and I am at the more mild end, but as per the current DSM? I'm schizophrenic. But because for a long time I got told "you're schizo-spec, but not schizophrenic," the word I associate myself with more than anything is schizo. I try to actually write out schizophrenic when I'm on this account, but in real life, I usually don't. But if you are not anywhere on the schizophrenia spectrum, you should not say it (unless you're tagging me). I don't want my handle to give anyone the idea that you can go around calling Sam a schizo. I can. You can't.

My purpose isn't directly to educate about schizophrenia, but I know that the general cultural perception of it misses a lot, so just by shouting about how I headcanon Sam as schizophrenic, I will accidentally teach you all things. In light of that, there will be the occasional reblog of not at all SPN related awareness posts, and my asks are always open. You all have my permission to ask rude and personal questions about it that you should not ask strangers. Schizophrenia is basically a special interest of mine at this point. I am very open about stuff, not so much because of desire to educate or what have you but just because part of my schizophrenia is having very little filter. I will say that if you ask me about the delusions I've had, you're going to get an incomplete answer because going into them too much can be triggering. Everything else is on the table, though.

My banner is from this webweave (which I made).

And once again, I am very much johndean trash, with a strong love for samjohn. I do certainly partake in my fair share of wincest as well, but really, I'm here for The Dad Ships. Point is, this blog is very much not an incest-free zone. I'd say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You're watching The Incest Show. What do you expect? If you do not like that, block me now and move on.

Fun fact: my birthday is November 5. No wonder I eventually broke down and decided I needed to see what SPN actually was.

[rwritingblog]

The Amina Universe Overview (Part 1)

Hello Rebel here,

So I haven't been active much lately but I'm back now! This time I wanted to talk about an original idea that was really important to me. And that is the Anima Universe.

The Anima Universe is a project I have been working on for a very long time, since I first started writing in fact, and is a multiple series of novels that take place in the same universe. Kind of like the MCU which is why I jokingly call it my BCU (Book Cinematic Universe).

There are eight stories within the project, each with its own themes, characters, and settings. There are many things that connect them timeline-wise and each one affects the other but they still stand on their own. The stories are spilt across two general settings; Earth and a magical planet called Majjia. Plus one that takes place in the wider universe and has a sci-fi feel to it.

Below We'll go over one of the stories and it's characters.

The Magical Core

The Magical Core is the very first original story I ever created. I remember creating the concept for the main Character Celestia on my great-grandmother's porch years ago. I still have the picture I drew of her.

The story of the Magical Core involves a group of four girls; Celestia Nightmare, Zerenity Silver-Moon, and Roxxanne November as they travel through the world of Majjia in search of a woman who is extremely important to them, Saturn Stars. The book is planned to have 14 chapters and takes place over a few weeks. I have an outline for the entire book and have so, so many versions of almost each chapter. It just needs refinement before I feel comfortable publishing it. (BTW The book also changes POVs between certain characters)

Let's go over the protag of the story! (I'll do other characters at a later date I was going to do them all here but the post was getting long)

Celestia Nightmare

Celestia Nightmare is the protagonist of The Magical Core and is the character whose POV we see the most. She's the only daughter of Sally and Jack Nightmare, prominent figures on the planet of Majjia. Celestia comes from a very wealthy well-known noble family known as House Nightmare. Members of House Nightmare have been in so many history books. Like so many guys.

Celestia is an elf and one of the features of that species is the fact that their last names and magic are interconnected. If you have a last name like Earth you have an easier time using Earth magic. Celestia's last name is Nightmare which means she has the ability of fear magic. Fear Magic is a subtype of Empathy Magic, a type of magic that allows people to feel other people's emotions with the downside that they can never turn it off. Once they turn it on it can never be turned off.

Those who have fear magic can see a person's greatest fear and have severe nightmares that feel very, very, real. Most of the time those nightmares aren’t even theirs but someone else's.

Celestia's parents died tragically when she was nine. They were murdered by a group called the Knights of Blood, agents of the evil High Queen Blood Spill, during an event known as the Rosewood Massarce. (The entire town of Rosewood, where Celestia's family lived at the time, was burned to the ground, hence the name.) After her parents' death, Celestia was taken in by a family friend, Saturn Stars.

Celestia has long sunset-colored hair like this. The reason she has this hair color was because younger me poeticly described red hair as sunset and then I really thought about it and decided this look was cooler.

Celestia has complete heterochromia, her left eye is a gentle forest green while the right one is a sharp electric blue, both glow eerily in the dark. I have a narrative reason for this but the irl reason is that I couldn't decide whether or not to give her blue or green eyes and so I gave her both.

Celestia's style of clothing is very casual which matches her personality. She's seen more in ripper jeans or pants with at least a dozen pockets than a skirt. Her outfits are very celestial-themed and she's never seen without her vambraces—silver with a wolf engraving that once belonged to her father and gold with a phoenix engraving from her mother.

Celestia wields a jian sword known as Præstans Tantibus which once belonged to her mother. The sword features a midnight purple and black handle, with the Nightmare family crest delicately engraved into the pommel. The blade itself is adorned with the phrase "Lux lunae me ducet ubi sol non apparet." which translates to "The light of the moon will guide me when there is no sun in sight." and embedded symbols related to the sun god Rad.

Here's that symbol btw (Created by yours truly)

Celestia is such an interesting character and like I mentioned earlier was created on my Great-Grandmother's porch. Her name originates from Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This origin is the reason she's so sun and moon-coded. I call her an eclipse and based her character arc on the day and night cycle.

When she was a kid she was daylight, bright and cheerful but when her parents died it turned her into sunset. The girl she was died with them and thus the sun set on Celestia of the past and created Celestia of the present making her twilight current. The sun has set but the moon has yet to rise, she's an empty sky slowly getting darker and darker.

Celestia is intelligent but also reckless and impulsive. She can be short-tempered, lashing out when things get too overwhelming. She's chaotic and things that make sense to her don't always make sense to other people. She's energetic, loud, and independent with an extremely active imagination. Celestia is loyal, adaptable, bold, and passionate.

She leads with her heart and is kind, empathic, and idealistic. Celestia is an extremely moral person and believes in doing the right thing no matter what. She's a bit of a mess because of the Rosewood Massacre PTSD and survivor's guilt are things she has. Celestia often feels like a ghost possessing her own body and while she can literally feel other people's emotions is detached from her own. She feels so much it's hard to determine what her and what's someone else. Celestia struggles to identify her own desires, wants, and goals, making her somewhat aimless.

The main themes of the book are life, death, and rebirth but not in the literal sense. A quote that has always stuck with me is this one.

"a dancer dies twice — once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful.”

Which begs the question. Can you be reborn after an event that killed you? If there are two types of deaths there must also be two types of life. A literal one and a metaphorical one. This is why rebirth is a common theme. Each character has lost something important to them and must find a way to be without it and metaphorically be reborn.

Celestia, and each of the other main characters, represent rebirth within the story and each of them has death and life characters that represent a path they could have or could go down. The life character is who they could have or would have been had they not gone through their metaphorical death. Life characters are an ideal or a standard they can no longer live up to. While death characters are what would happen if they stay dead. What would happen if they let the pain control them. Rebirth is therefore them taking control of their lives as it is now and choosing to be better than both the life and death characters. Blazing a new path forward to create something that has never been seen before.

Celestia's life character is her mother, Sally Nightmare. Sally wasn't a cheerful person like you would expect from a character who represents life and has a sun motif. She was bright and mesmerizing. A fiery spirit who was charismatic, kind, wise, and hopeful. The ideal warrior and person in Celestia's mind who died protecting those she cared for. Sally is everything Celestia wanted to be and maybe would been if the Rosewood Massacre hadn't happened.

Celestia's death character is the villain of the series High Queen Blood Spill, ruler of the 13 United Kingdoms of Majjia. People talk about the High Queen in hush whispers and dare not speak her name using only epithets and titles like she's some sort of death god. Which is a way she is. The High Queen is strife and discord. Pain and torture. She's introduced sitting on a throne made of bone in a throne room covered in blood with people chained to the wall in various states of harm. Some are nothing more than decomposing corpses and others might as well be as they wait for death to claim them.

The High Queen is a bitter woman lashing out at the world for what it has done to her. She is who Celestia could become if she lets the grief of losing her parents consume her.

The life character is dead and the death character is alive but both haunt the narrative.

(For those who were curious here is the drawing I made of Celestia when I first created her like a decade ago)

[vraska-theunseen]

tagged by @gaygollum. thank you i've never been tagged in one of these before and it seems neat :)

3 ships: i would struggle to name any because i don't really ingest a lot of media in which romantic relationships are included or the central focus (which you'll see in the later sections of this post) and when they are i don't often like. think about it in terms of "shipping"

last song: well i went to spotify and the song i was in the middle of playing was ״Ijime, Dame, Zettai״ by Babymetal. so that one

last movie: god who knows. i watched half of a mystery movie with my dad last weekend and i don't think i've seen anything since. i'm not going to look it up but it was called like "murder on the phone" or something and i didn't even finish it because i thought it was boring

currently watching: started the sandman last weekend and have not picked it up since watching half of it in one day. dimension 20's neverafter if that counts which it should because those episodes are so damn long. i'm watching abbott elementary as it airs does that count as currently watching

currently reading: cod by mark kurlansky (though it's an overdue library book that i haven't picked up in weeks), we do this til we free us by mariame kaba, batman: urban legends vol 1 by chip zdarsky et al (so many people work on comics and he's the first name on the cover), the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson, and house of leaves if you count books that i haven't read in over a year but keep telling myself i'm going to come back to

currently craving: well i didn't have anything in my mind but now that it's brought up then caprese salad always. one time at a restaurant i ordered the caprese [something] don't remember exactly what it was called but it was pieces of flatbread with tomato and mozzarella and basil and prosciutto and olive oil and balsamic vinegar and it was delicious. so that

tagging @emrylurkeroftheloch, @tmoblrina, and @liichkiing who can make posts w these prompts if they like bc the original post that tagged me also tagged three people. and you are the first three mutuals i thought of

[hope-of-virgo]

2024

happy new year!

you can find the post i'll be referencing continually here: https://www.tumblr.com/hope-of-virgo/706484244807024640/im-currently-bedridden-as-a-result-of-hormonal?source=share

so it's a little under a year since I wrote the original, and things have surely made a change.

my (now) wife and i got married less than a month ago, in the eyes of the australian government i'm a girl, and i seem to have stumbled backwards into a management(ish) role at work.

so... about those resolutions.

stop: doomscrolling i had an amount of success on this, partially due to twitter shitting its pants and reddit having the Great Blackout and subsequent degradation of content. a lot of algorithmically sorted internet shit has done this recently, and a lot of it comes down to "we are approaching a fiscal cliff". what i have picked up from this though is that i'm enjoying learning new skills, such as fermenting and learning sql. i don't carry around a handbag project as much anymore due to some joint issues i've been having making me switch to a backpack, and doing an rsi at work.

stop: masking my autism this has definitely gotten better with my hrt progressing; i'm less afraid to be my authentic self. the hard part has been the pronoun switch and managing the mood problems that happen as a result. for those not in the know, i switched from he/they to she/they after someone at the pole studio called me "she" and i was like "huh...didn't hate that". i also generally held the view that if people weren't calling me that without being told, it would feel inauthentic to ask them.

stop: making excuses not to go to the pole studio this hasn't stopped, but it's as much to do with other factors as it is me butting heads with a number of studio members. actually getting there is difficult without driving, and due to my town growing really fast as a result of melbourne being really fucking expensive to live in, there's been a large cop presence flood in too. i'm a medicinal cannabis user for chronic pain, any amount of thc in my system meets the evidentiary burden for drug driving, and good luck getting a social work job with that on my record. i'm moving to an electric scooter this year, which should solve a lot of these issues.

keep: cooking my own meals now that my wife and i are living together, i'd already be cooking for her, so it's an easy routine to keep food in the house for the both of us. it's also getting easier to find reasons to cook my own meals since i now no longer live within walking distance of 3 different pizza shops, the cost of food has basically doubled in the last year, and my wife is getting into the "growing your own food" side of urban homesteading, which gives me lots of options to cook with seasonal produce.

keep: doing gender affirmation my op shopping buddy bounced in and out of rehab a lot this year and we actually haven't seen each other at all as a result. she reached out to me proactively at christmas as well, which is a first, so i have high hopes for that. my hair's getting longer and changing texture, and i'm fitting the form of "women's clothing" a lot better now. i'm still shit at makeup but i always feel better about myself when i do it so while fucking it up feels bad (god knows when i turned up to work having fucked up my eye shadow in like september i looked like i'd been kicked in the face), getting it right feels amazing.

keep: watching new shows and listening to new music i actually went pretty well at this i think. i had the aim of getting to 2000 songs in my spotify library, which is a 25% increase, and i think i ended the calendar year with 1990. i went to a lot more live music this year, i saw betty who, cry club, eilish gilligan, florence and the machine, aleksiah, bella amor, teenage joans, merci mercy, and waterparks. i also went to see lights' headline show in melbourne, which is a top 5 experiences of my life moment. she's been my most listened to artist for the last 10 years. when she was performing "when the summer dies" she got down into the crowd, and there was this moment where she looked at me, then ran her hand through my hair. this sounds like fanfic but i swear on my life that it happened.

start: eating more vegetables i'm doing better at this; i'm a sensory seeker when it comes to food, and vegetables are pretty boring. i also don't really like sweet food (and neither do my teeth, but that's a different story), so getting my fruit intake can be hard. i've solved the problem to an extent with pickles and ferments, and mixing fruit into yogurt as well.

start: actively reducing household waste my state has introduced bottle and can deposit refunds. we don't buy a lot of bottled and canned drinks, but it's nice to have the added incentive. we bought a compost bin with our wedding money, and i'm loving being able to find something to do with the veggie scraps. i'm looking into vertical farming gourmet mushrooms this year. we've moved to household cleaners where you basically get a "forever bottle" and fill them with refills, which you then send the bag back and they reuse it. the plastics they use as part of this scheme are also recycled from reclaimed ocean plastics, which is kind of cool. my bestie made me some beeswax wraps, and i think i've used single-use plastic wrap like 3 times this year maybe. that's not even counting the plastic savings from not buying bread from the shops anymore.

start: more longform journaling got banned from instagram for it, but that's probably not a net negative. doing longform writing when you're already doing a lot for uni can be a challenge, but i've done a bit. i've also joined the fediverse as part of the reddit exodus, and that's been a bit of fun.

start: diversifying my income sources i'm now an accredited life model, though i've actually been too busy to utilise it. i've basically retired from *~spicy accounting~* as well, because i'm having a bunch of problems even having sex in my private life, let alone doing it at work. the economic issues have also cut out a lot of my clientele, so i'm taking it as a sign from the universe that it's time to go do something else. i also decided to quit my job, which people like @tamaaya68000 and @gotouhitori have been trying to convince me to do since that one awesome time in 2021 where i tried to jump in front of a train because it seemed like a better option than going to work the following monday. fortunately there are positions open in other parts of the hospital that i'm applying for later today, and when i get my diploma i'll likely apply at child protection, who are so desperate for workers that they're promising guaranteed promotion to cpp4 within 2 years and hiring people on working holiday visas from other countries to fill the skilled workers gap.

start: interior decorating currently writing this from in the middle of a bunch of still-packed moving boxes from when i moved in like 3 months ago. it's a work in progress. i'm going to ask a friend of mine to paint me some things as some commissioned art, but beyond that i'm actually not sure what i want to do with the space.

2024's resolutions will probably come next week, but overall i'm pretty happy with the year 2023.

[nightimedreamersworld]

Ohhhh cool cool we're doing a rec train! Also, thank you for the shout out ❤️

So these are only some of my faves, and mostly ones I haven't seen thrown around yet. Behold:

Twelve Days of Christmas (rated M) by spockzilla has held strong as one of my all time faves for yyyyyyyears. It's got lots of great action, great pining, with a dash of sexiness thrown in for good measure 😏

The lover walks away in the night (T) has stayed with me for years as well. To this day some of the loveliest writing I've ever read - it's poetic and romantic and it just makes your insides all gooey. Heart-achingly beautiful.

The Space in Between (M) by @whatevertheweather has also become one of my all time faves. It’s a beautiful study on grief. The author has such a way of mingling fluffy and funny moments with heart-wrenching ones. You'll laugh, you'll cry a lot, and you won't be able to think of anything else for dayyyys.

A Dangerous Affinity (T) by @larkral is also one of my faves. I recommend it for when you want to read a whole new book that still has your favorite characters in it - the world building is exquisite, the original characters are lovely, and of course, the Snowbaz of it all is magnificent. Truly one of the best slow-burns out there.

Speaking of slow burn, definitely check out On thin ice (M) by chiara_scuro. It's the figure skating AU you never knew you needed, with lots of fluff, banter, and wholesome moments (as well as "heart in your throat" moments.) You'll cheer, you'll be on the edge of your seat. It's lovely and also one of my faves. (Also, don't worry about the incomplete status; imo it leaves off at a good point, and the progression of Simon and Baz's relationship is so so satisfying in and of itself!)

Stay up with me (E) by SHARKMARTINI makes me bawl my eyes out like a baby every. Single. Time. It's got THE ANGST. but it's also so so worth it. Makes me heart ache to even think of it.

The tears of Mummers House (T) by @chen-chen-chen-again-chen was an experience to read. Honestly there's nothing like it; the mystery, the sense of unease all throughout. I know the temptation to read it all at once is big, but for those who like a good edging, I recommend reading one of chapter a day in the fashion the fic was first published. Trust me, it really amps up the tension!

Okay, this is my contribution. I'm slow on reading these days, so sure there are lots of amazing works I'm missing, so I'll dig into the other rec lists on this post as well!

Alright everyone, give em to me. Gimmie your favorite Snowbaz fics. Give them all to me- I am so greedy. And so, so hungry. I want to devour these boys whole.

[ghoste-catte]

I was curious what advice would you give to someone new to writing fics? I've been wanting to get back into it but haven't seriously written something since high school. I hope this isn't an annoying question or anything!

Not an annoying question at all! I'm just a little worried that I won't have terribly good or useful advice. To be honest, I also sort of stopped writing in earnest right as I finished high school, and didn't pick it back up until my late 20s. It's certainly an adjustment! But I think the few things that really helped me get back into writing fic as a hobby and something I spend quite a bit of time on would be:

Write for yourself first, then find your other motivations. My original inspiration in getting back into fic writing was that there just were not that many fics I liked for my favorite pairing, and I wanted more of them, and I especially wanted more with the tropes and characterizations I wanted to see. I think at the very core of anything you need that internal spark that drives you. At the same time, for me at least, if I just relied on my own drive, I would not get much done; I need some external guardrails. So having people send prompts, or writing for particular events, or writing stuff for friends really helps me to get my ass in gear and finish stuff. That may not be the perfect motivator for you, and that's fine! You just gotta figure out what is.

Be open to inspiration. Anything and everything can be spun out into a story with the right tweaking. Obviously stuff like music is a classic inspiration source, but I've also pulled ideas from poetry, from memes, from Reddit threads, from YouTube videos, from rambling conversations on Discord and from real life to make fics out of. So many times, someone will post a silly Twitter screencap, and I'll think, There's a fic in this. And a lot of the time, there is! Research is a wonderful thing, but so is serendipity. If you're out there actively looking for ideas, eventually one that you like will stumble past you.

Find your community. I can genuinely say I never would have finished more than one fic if I didn't have fandom friends to talk to about even stupid headcanons, to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage me (and to encourage them in turn!). Discord has been a godsend, and some of my closest online friends are people I met in the GaaLee discord server. As I've gotten more comfortable as a writer, I've also joined general writing servers and Reddit communities and have found them immensely helpful on both a motivational level (bingos, sprints, owe-me challenges) and on a craft level (plot workshopping and writing ethics and live grammar help). It's a lot easier to think about fic ideas and hash through problem moments when I have a constant stream of fandom-related chatter coming from the little people who live in my phone! Ao3 is an amazing website, and it's great as, well, an archive, but it isn't social media by design. If you want conversation and human connection and cheerleading, you've gotta forge out and find it.

Make it a habit ... If you want to produce anything longer than a couple hundred words, you really have to set aside time for it. And writing is just like knitting or dirt biking or painting little model figurines: the more you do it, the more easily it comes. When I was first getting back into the proper swing of things, I committed myself to 30 minutes of writing per week. Just 30 minutes. I didn't even hit that goal every week, but there were tons of weeks I got on a roll and went over that amount, and by the end of the year I'd written over 200,000 words. I used to spend an hour laboriously tip-tapping out 200 words, but now I can easily blow through 1k in a 50 minute sprint. It's all about training that muscle.

... But don't make it a chore. With fanfic, you aren't doing this as a job, and you aren't ultimately doing it for anyone other than you. That means you can take breaks when you need them, you can set deadlines and then fail to meet them, you can write stuff and then decide to never post it. When you start getting burnt out, when the practice loses the joy and energy, stop. There's no 'hustle' here. In our capitalist society we're so trained to push past our limits and keep going even when it hurts us, but the hobby you do for connection and relaxation and whatever else shouldn't be like that.

Ignore metrics. Sometimes stuff isn't gonna get hits, or kudos, or comments. There are some basic 'rules' as to the stuff that does and doesn't get traction, but every time you post something it's a roll of the dice. If you're focused on watching that kudos counter tick up, you will get bummed out fast. And any writer will tell you that the stuff you think is your best work will never be the stuff that gets the most accolades. So you have to find something else to give you a sense of success. For me, it's watching my wordcount go up in my stats and those occasional comments where someone has a lot to say and that one person who always leaves me a <3 emoji (and, shout out to @egregiousderp, having someone to have long one-on-one conversations with about the stuff that never made it to page).

Don't strive for perfection. It's really easy to want your first ever fic to be a complete showstopper, the best fic fandom has ever seen, hitting all the tropes and the ideas and the characterization that you just know fandom is missing and would be everyone's top favorite if only it was written. This is a trap. No one fic can be all things. Most people who want to write an epic as their very first venture will not see the end of that epic, because they haven't put in the practice hours to make something on that scale work. That's not to say you can't start out with a big, sprawling multichap, just don't expect it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread if you're just starting out, and be okay with abandoning it for greener pastures if you get to that point. Think of the first time someone makes a vase out of clay or bakes a loaf of bread. That's never their best vase or their best bread. If they keep up with it, they'll make more and better vases and loaves. Likewise, your first fic is probably not gonna be your best fic. See it for what it is: your launchpad.

You can't edit an empty page, but you can over-edit a full one. This kind of spins off of #7, but if the words aren't there, you can't fix them. Daydreams and headcanons are fantastic (and god, how many times have I wished for a speech-to-text engine that projected my falling asleep thoughts onto a Google doc for later perusal), but they aren't fic. If you want to write fic, you've gotta get comfortable with the idea of sloppy outlines and rough first drafts. You can't build a house without a frame and you can't build a man without a skeleton (I mean, you can, I guess, but he'd be one floppy man). The nice thing about fic is that it doesn't matter if that frame is structurally unsound or the skeleton has 18 too many bones, you can clean that up in the editing process. But you can't start hanging curtains and arranging furniture in something that doesn't even have walls. That's the process. But! Also know when to set down the editor's pen and say, "Okay, this is good enough for government work", and call it done. ("Done" doesn't have to mean "posted", but it does mean, "I'm done picking at this for now, and I'm gonna go write some more stuff".) Over-editing can make stuff seem laborious and forced, and it prevents you from actually improving. To continue belaboring the house metaphor, you can spend your whole life rearranging furniture in just one room, but the end result of that is a pretty narrow existence and a room with a lot of footprints and tracks in the carpet.

Write shit down. When you have ideas, jot them down--in a notebook, in a Google Doc, in the Notes app of your phone, in pen on the back of your hand. You think you will remember that brilliant line of dialogue or sparkling snippet of narration or genius plot that came to you in a dream, but you Will Not. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down! There have been so many times when a fic was completely saved by past!me having written down my shower thoughts about what happens next in the fic, that present!me had completely forgotten about and was floundering over.

Have fun with it! Try different stuff. Try stupid stuff. Try experimental stuff. Do stuff you've never done before that you aren't sure will work. It's important to get comfortable with your niche (for example, I know I'm never going to be the sort of person who writes intricate plots of intrigue or super long 100k epics or detailed battles), but you can't find that niche unless you explore lots of different niches! Figure out what you love and what you absolutely hate, and then keep doing the stuff you love.

Okay, so that was actually TEN things, but ... I hope you still found this helpful. Feel free to send another ask if any of this was confusing or unclear. Good luck with your fic writing and, if you want, send me a link to what you've written once you've written it! I'd love to read it.

[many-but-one]

In your last post you mention that you see a DID specialist. My question was, is there any advice or anything that they've given you that was particularly helpful that you haven't seen elsewhere?

I see a trauma specialist that works with DID patients, but she's not herself a specialist, and I just wondered if there were any useful strategies or tools that your T has that my T doesn't know about since she's not technically a DID specialist.

Hello @system-splintered! Sorry I didn't get to this, it got lost in my notifications! Okay so I first want to point out a few things about my therapist:

She is a trauma specialist. With a DID "endorsement" I suppose you would call it? So like, if she was a character in Dungeons and Dragons, her class would be "trauma specialist" and her subclass would be "DID specialist." She doesn't treat ONLY DID patients. So. With that said, I didn't originally go to her for the DID. In fact, I didn't even know her entire practice (with about five other therapists, many of them with a DID specialty) was a trauma-based group. I just got recommended to their practice by my college counselor. She likely saw the warning signs of childhood trauma long before I did. (Lack of memory of childhood, amnesia gaps in present day, chronic dissociation.) At this point in my life I had no idea I even had childhood trauma to the degree that I do. I only thought it was my parent's fighting and their divorce and then later the death of my brother that messed me up. Fast forward two years later and I find out I have extreme s3xual abuse in my past, not related to anyone in my immediate family.

Anyway, as for tools and strategies, I am unsure what exactly you're looking for. Grounding techniques? Communication with alters? What to do when you find a new alter? What types of alters to expect and how to handle them? How to develop an inner world? Let's talk about what I've done with my therapist in these instances.

—Grounding Techniques—

My therapist and I have a list of grounding techniques. These are things that work specifically for me and may not work for everyone. I am also in a DID support group, with three other DID patients my therapist sees. We do psychoeducation and support each other when we struggle with our DID. I'll talk about what works for them as well in order to give a variety of things to try. The main thing that works for us all is anything that has to do with the senses. For me, squeezing ice or eating strong mints or chewing strong cinnamon gum is helpful. For one of my group members, she would have one of those bracelets with the wooden beads and she would put drops of essential oils on them. Strong ones, like eucalyptus or ginger/orange to give her a jolt when she gets drifty. Another group member uses stim toys, like putty or a fidget cube. Focusing on a task helps them stay present. I've found this doesn't work for me because my hands are a big trigger when I'm dissociative. Looking at my hands usually sends me even further into dissociation.

—Communication—

Inner communication can vary on different days and times of day. Sometimes you just won't hear anyone. Other times it's like you're listening to a whole crowd. When you're just finding out you're a system, opening lines of communication in the outer world can help. I kept pads of sticky notes and pens all over the house. I also had a google doc for when parts used my computer that they could access. I didn't get a large amount of communication either way, in all honesty. Our gatekeeper, James, is very strict about who comes out when. At the beginning (and for my entire life up until this point) his One True Goal was to keep me from knowing about the DID. So he didn't let other parts front much and when they did, there was always complete amnesia on my end and they were heavily policed on what they were allowed to do. James has since loosened the reins, but he is still pretty strict. ("Only ___ is allowed at work." "Only ___ is allowed when driving." "Kid parts only come out at home." Etc etc.) Tips for inner communication are difficult because every alter can communicate differently. They can communicate verbally, as in hearing a separate voice in your head. Or through thoughts, so having a thought in your head that you know is not your own. Through feelings, such as feeling things suddenly and with no particular reason. Through images, so you suddenly see images of scenarios or images of things like foods they might want in your head.

Trying to encourage communication is difficult because a lot of alters don't want to talk or are scared to talk. So I would say just be patient. If there is an alter that is super into cooking, maybe look at recipes and ask their opinion. They're going to be way more likely to talk to you in that instance than just demanding their attention.

—New Alters—

For us, "new alters" usually means "dormant alters." We don't split very often because at the moment our outside life is very stable. We have only split twice in the time I've known about DID, and one was a fragment.

So James, in the past, has done some kinda shady things to keep things on lockdown. As in, make sure I do not know trauma. He is actually still doing this to an extent, but he is a LOT better than he was and we're working on this with him. So our inner world has rooms for every alter. (We'll talk about inner worlds in a sec.) And James would basically force an alter into a room and lock it. Only him and our caretaker, Sarah, were allowed in. If they were particularly volitile, they were basically never seen. We had an alter that James recently let free who was extremely volitile. She was in so much pain and anguish from what she experienced that she existed in no other way. She had been locked away for years. When she came out other alters were terrified of her and we kept her away from everyone because she sometimes became out of control and violent. (mostly toward herself, but she often destroyed things in the inner world as well.) However, with a LOT of therapy (and a budding obsession for frogs) she calmed down significantly. She became able to have a full conversation without having a meltdown. She became friends with other alters. It was a huge transformation!

So what my therapist does when a new alter is co-con with me, is tell them hello. She is (name) and she is everyone's therapist. It is currently 2021. Jules is 23, and is an adult now. You are safe now, and you can come in and talk whenever you want. Then we get into what the alter is feeling (usually confusion) and trying to communicate maybe their name, age, and a role if they have any specific role. We always thank them for coming to therapy. I have found that thanking alters for what they've done both in the past and present is a really good way to establish healthy connections with them.

—Alter Types—

So I'm not going into every alter type. I don't have every alter type and I'm running out of time to type this up. I'll go over the main ones I struggle(d) with.

Persecutors. I think this is a common one people struggle with. People often associate persecutors with big scary men, but that is not always the case. We have a few persectors. Yes, one is an adult man. But another is just a young teenaged girl with an ED and s/h issues. Something we have learned with our therapist is that persecutors, while they do harmful things, do it because they are trying to protect you in some way. It might not seem like it. It might seem like they are evil and awful and do bad things for fun. But the reality is that these alters are traumatized and are often trying to prevent further trauma. Helping them understand that they do not have to fulfill this role, that it is the present and not the past can help them improve their behavior. Also getting to know them more helps. Oftentimes alters in the system are scared of this alter and stay away from them. Showing interest in them and what they care about really goes a LONG way. You would be surprised!

Next is gatekeepers. James is our main gatekeeper. He is in charge of switching and memory retrieval. We have struggled a lot with James because he does a little bit of everything in the system. He's a huge control freak. He is also a co-host and a caretaker. To him, his One Goal is to keep non tramatized alters from knowing any trauma, even if that means locking up traumatized parts. He sometimes gaslights me and others into believing that there is no trauma. He can be kind of toxic at times. However, him and I almost always co-front and I care about him very much. We are both dating our fiance. He cares about the others in the system so much that he's willing to do just about anything to keep them safe. He feels extreme guilt and grief over what we went through. How he couldn't do anything to stop it. If you have a gatekeeper that is anything like James, just coming from a place of understanding and support means a lot. Helping them do self-care activities is important. Gatekeeping is an exhausting job and most gatekeepers do it without much rest. Kindess is key.

Sexual protectors. We have one and he can be a pain sometimes. He is madly in love with our fiance and enjoys activities with her. However, we have to be really careful about what we can and can't do because of the fact that we have so many of us inside that detest activities like that. He hates that he can't do whatever he wants and James almost never lets him out because he (his name is Foster) would 100% go against what we have agreed as a system we can do. Foster is a little bit selfish. It might be because he is a fictional introject of someone who is extremely selfish and entitled. (Reaver from Fable III.) Dealing with Foster is difficult because he doesn't have much regard for others, both in the inner and outer worlds. However, he is getting a lot better and we have set boundaries and communications with our fiance as well, which helps significantly.

Lastly, introjects of abusers. We're not super familiar with this one, but I know we have one. James keeps him locked up, but sometimes his influence leaks into our emotions. Same with the persecutors, these parts act like the abuser because they are trying to protect you. It is REALLY important to know that this is not actually your abuser. It is an alter that looks like them and sounds like them. Sometimes when these introjects are "reformed", they might even change appearance. These alters are just alters basically pretending to be the abuser for our safety. A someehat-example is Brett from our system. He is not an abuser introject, but he was an introject of our brother who died. He looked and acted exactly like him! However, once the system truly came to terms with my brother's death (10 years later) he totally let go of that image of my young brother. He looked semi-similar, but not really. He aged up drastically. He had a completely different personality that he had basically been hiding. Brett is now a co-gatekeeper and caretaker in the system. His change from when I first met him to how he is now is just mind blowing! This same thing can happen to just about any introject, I'd say. Once I start working with the introject of our abuser, we'll keep you posted!

—Inner World—

One of the biggest thing that has helped our system is creating an inner world. We had one, but it was small and plain. It served it's purpose. It was a tree. With many treehouses, one for each alter. In group therapy as well as individual therapy, our therapist and I did a lot of meditation and visualization. I added more trees. A forest, even. We created a shopping center just outside of the forest. Inside would be things that can protect various alters in situations that make them uncomfortable. There would be suits of armor, or animal companions, or spells and other stuff. Ours kind of looked like a Skyrim tavern and a Petco fused in one. These items would protect you if you were fronting and were uncomfortable. Or if you were having a flashback, you would be protected. It was ingenious. We started adding rooms all over this shop. One room is an overlook that you can see the entire shop from. It's James' room. That one violent part I mentioned got two rooms of her own in the basement, with things that could help her let out her rage. (Such as grass you can rip up but it'll grow right back, or walls that are hard when you touch them but soft when you hit them.) I was at fiest constrained by real-world physics, but when I suddenly realized that this was literally all in my head, basically a vivid daydream, I could create anything I wanted. I gave rooms to alters who needed to cope and it became their safe place. I since creating the store, my mental health has been the best it's been since I learned about the trauma.

--

So yeah! I rambled big time through this whole thing, but I just wanted to share some stuff I've learned from my therapist who likely wouldn't have been able to do this stuff without knowing a significant amount about DID and how to handle it. If you have any questions (you or anyone else) feel free to send in an ask!!!

-Jules