#also feel free to yell at me or add stuff or idk

[bragganhyl]

I mentioned earlier that I have some potential divine parent candidates for the Envoy in mind, so here is a bit of a list, most of it are of the dumb spitbally variety, I'm literally just here like

The Land itself

Spirits such as delemgan are entities that reflect the environment around them (and can be corrupted into pwgras if the environment gets corrupted), I do think that potentially such a spirit could've touched the Envoy linking them to the Living Lands. Alternatively the Envoy could be a reincarnation of such a spirit.

2. The People

Remember the Annals of Llengrath? His plans included creating a network of people, all linked to one another by their souls, all carrying bits of each other's souls, all being Llengrath. That is why, when a sentient micellar network infected the book, it recognized itself in the description and took on the identity of Llengrath. (It's also worth noting that the gods wanted to hide the Annals so Llengrath was probably onto something). Soooo what if Llengrath wasn't the first/only person to think of this? And what if such a network could leave physical marks on its members? Hmmm mushrooms...

3. An ancient dragon

So y'know the sea dragon twist in Deadfire? Originally the Huana formed covenants with the ancient dragons of the Deadfire and that is how they learned watershaping, then the Engwithans pretty much hijacked the covenant and made the Huana believe that they gained the power to watershape from Ondra. So what if the Engwithan gods also copied the godlike chime from potential kith/dragon soul bonds? I mean Neriscyrlas knew animancy so what if they could mess with kith souls and *idk noises*

4. The secret mystery 12th god

The 12th god has been a fan theory floating around ever since Deadfire dropped and it showed 12 titan graves under the Wheel. Maybe god no.12 is actually a thing and they've been touching people this whole time. Maybe they touched the Envoy too, maybe idk who knows.

[h2llish]

i've been following your blog for a while and absolutely adore your writing!

if its okay i'd love to see something with either leona or jamil (up to you!) and a reader who falls asleep on their shoulder during some sort of nrc road trip.. i'm not sure if nrc would have buses per say considering all the magic and stuff but the concept of an nrc school trip seems super interesting to me so if you're up for the request by all means just have fun with it!! i do notice that your requests are semi open so feel free to decline ofc !

— ☁️

⁀➷ ˖ ROAD TRIP DROWSINESS

notes ─── hi anon! i’m so happy you like my writing! i don't think they'd have buses at nrc because of the mirror, but crowley would probably spring a sudden road trip on them which would just confuse the students, because why? (i also imagine their bus would probably be a bit fancier? idk how to explain it but nothing like the busses i'm used to.)

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR ─── a wave of drowsiness leads you to find comfort on his shoulder ♡ fluff, gender neutral, can be read platonic or romantic, not proofread

transportation for students at nrc was not hard, all they had to do was enter the dark mirror and then they found themselves safely at their destination. so if it was that easy, why in the world was the headmage so adamant that they boarded this bus like they were kids back in middle school? ─ a road trip was his very (might many students say stupid) answer.

the only person who seemed to not have a problem with this sudden turn of events, was the magicless prefect from ramshackle. you didn't give any complaints or groan about using the easy way to get to the destination. you just nodded when the headmage announced the decision.

students were chosen at random, names drawn from a hat (a method the headmage seemed to rely on often).  and as the prefect, and the designated scapegoat for everything crowley did, you were of course among that group, with your dire beast other half. 

“i don't get it,” grim frowned, sitting on your shoulder as you approached the bus, where many familiar faces waited to board. “why can't we just use the mirror?”

ace was walking alongside you, being one of the people drawn to join the group. he had decided to met you at ramshackle, knowing you would inevitably have to board the bus as well. “i think the headmage called it some sort of bonding experience. don't know how a hours-long road will be a bonding experience.”

grim grumbled, turning his head to look at your face. you have yet to say anything to add to the conversation. “whaddya’ think, [name]?”

“what?” you blinked, sending a glance to the dire beast before looking ahead of you once more. “what do i think about what?”

“were you even listening to anything we just said?” ace sighed. 

you hummed, “i’ve learned to tune you guys out the moment you start speaking.” ─ and then you were wincing as the two of them shouted, leaning your head away from the monster as he and ace expressed how offended they were.

you sighed, this was going to be a long ride.

and right you were. 

things were okay (as okay as a group of irritable teenage boys with magic on a bus could be) during the first hour. but as the first hour turned to half, and you found yourself growing drowsy, you attempted to doze off, at least for a good twenty minutes. you were unsuccessful, as the moment you closed your eyes, you were quickly opening them to glance at a yelling grim.

epel and sebek, also being among the names drawn, were sitting next to you. epel and grim looked ready to pounce on an unnamed student who seemed to have picked a fight with them. ace didn't do much to stop the argument, in fact, he was actively encouraging it. and sebek, while he made an attempt to hold back a seething grim, was not of much help either. 

you sighed, but made no move to stop it ─ you expected something to happen eventually, and you weren't all that up to being the “reasonable” one of the group. you aren't sure what the argument was about, but neither did you care. if grim got in trouble for attacking a student, it would come back to bite you, but that was something for future you to worry about.

you glanced around the bus, before your attention landed on the savanaclaw housewarden sitting alone. ─ your friends continued to argue with the random guy, and you were sure they had no intention of ending the argument anytime soon. and you would rather sleep off some time on the road rather than listen to your friends go back and forth with someone you didn't even know the name of. you stood from your seat, uncaring of whether or not it was okay to do so as you approached the empty seat. 

leona had his head down, probably napping, the same thing you wanted to do. when you sat down beside him his ears twitched and he lifted his head to look at you, probably intending to scowl and scare off whoever had been stupid enough to sit beside him, until he realized it was you.

“what are you doing?” he frowned at you, but you went unfazed.

“sitting next to you, obviously.”

leona rolled his eyes, “why?”

instead of giving a verbal answer, you pointed at your friends, where sebek now had a grip on the scruff of grim’s neck, keeping him from jumping at the student. ace was laughing, offering no help to the half-fae. epel was no better than grim, with sebek’s arm held out in front of him, keeping him from doing anything.

"so you came to bother me instead?" he asked, and you looked at him straight-faced.

"yup."

leona sighed, but he didn't tell you to scram (not like you would if he did). he didn't say anything else, only close his eyes again and turning away, likely to try and nap. you weren't offended by his lack of reply, leaning your head back against the seat and trailing your eyes over the bus and your peers.

the longer you sat in somewhat silence ─ save for the incoherent yelling from your friends, you had for the most part zoned out, and the chatter of those on board ─ you found yourself falling to the drowsiness that have been interrupted before. you closed your eyes and let the movement of the bus guide you to sleep.

leona was awake, annoyed by the bus and those on the bus. his ears twitched when he heard your breathing slow beside him and he lifted his head, just as your head lolled to the side and you leaned against his shoulder.

he sighed, but made no move to push you off, glancing around you at the rest of the students of nrc, who were all either sleeping themselves, or chatting with friends. he leaned his head back, eyeing you as you shifted for a moment before relaxing again.

"where'd [name] go?" leona could hear your friends ask, no longer distracted by the argument that they were having with the random student.

he looked back at them, just in time to catch ace's eye, who was the first to see you sleeping against leona. he looked ready to say something, but leona narrowed his eyes on the first year. ace immediately shut his mouth, grinning awkwardly as he turned back to his friends.

leona huffed, looking back down at you to make sure you didn't stir. he adjusted in more comfortable position, an arm resting behind you on the seat, allowing you to lean closer, and hopefully, be more comfortable than leaning against his shoulder the way you had. and then he closed his eyes and joined you in a nap for the rest of the ride. (at least until they stopped for a break.)

this wasn't proofread so there will be probably be mistakes, i'll try to come back to edit later!

do not repost, translate, copy or run my writing through an ai

[ganondoodle]

Not to add more fuel to the fire (I do) but seeing all your TotK rants and agreeing with every single part of them, I just remembered that as soon as the first Sages appeared on screen I immediately noticed that even their voice actors were the same as the Champions from BoTW but a bit "deeper" sounding and when I looked up they ARE.

I don't mind when voice actors make a come back for specific roles tbh but this time with how disappointed I was starting to feel about the game's story it felt super odd?? Like it did feel so much like they were reusing stuff ;;

honestly if anyone wants to rant about totk in my inbox feel free to do so, i might not always respond but its really good to hear others be similarly disappointed and maybe you are even pointing out something i havent thought about

(also its fine to not agree with everythign i say, just dont be a dick about xD)

you see ... now that you say that i remember seeing the leaks before the game came out that some of the voice actors from botw said they returned for totk and that was a topic of discussion .... which went nowhere also bc i guess they were too lazy (sorry, that word is way overused when people talk about games but ... well) to find anyone new for the few lines they say

that said it doesnt exactly help the case of ancient ancestor (that looks exactly the same as the modern people!! i cant stand that!! its my character design taste that is more annoyed than the lore nerd but its stilll ... they didnt do that either to differentiate the past thats OVER TEN THOUSAND years ago aaaaaaargh) that all say the same line only with a few words changed around or rephrased like someone badly copying your homework but trying to hide it- without telling you any new information at all that all have no personality, not even a different clothing style (its aaalllll sonau style now woooheeee) and dont even get to have faces bc they are hidden under a SONAU MASK AT ALL TIMES even when NOT FIGHTING (why are they even in their temples after rauru seals ganondorf ... no seriosuly what are they doing there, just standing around waiting for zelda to come beg them to swear yet another oath to some guy in the far future, theres no one in the bg either like idk, they could have been praying or sth- wait .... why are they still wearing the stupid mask and outfit .... raurus gone and minerus getting eaten by miasma i dont think anyone would care (i know its bc they dont want to make another model ... though removing the helmet at the very least ... no?) and then dont even get their own voice ... lol

(i didnt notice bc i played with japanese voices bc the german voice actor for gan sounded like german daruk and that was too weird for me ... i still expected him to say more than a few lines and some yells at that point .. hah ... )

[kazuhaplscomehome]

so 👏 i destroyed my pity earlier cause i pulled on Yaes banner for shits and giggles even though i was saving up for my husband and i immediately started screaming and complaining

(i love yae but i am a kazuha wanter that wants become a kazuha haver as soon as possible)

so sagau where the allogenes, in my case Yae, hear us complain when we get them on banners

cause i'm convinced that Yae would be all salty but would try not to show it

like "Oh? Is that so? Well, sooner or later they'll understand that me joining the team has more merits than the Kaedehara kid. Jealous? Of course I'm not jealous! Why would you even suggest that!"

and Yae wouldn't even be the worst

imagine pulling for idk any 4 stars and the Wanderer comes home. If he could reach out of the screen and yell at the player he sure as hell would. Don't be alarmed though, he's just trying to cover up for the fact that he's terribly afraid that you don't want him on the team

"What do you mean no? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUD RATHER HAVE THAT CRYO KID FROM LIYUE? That's pathetic! I am not salty! I could not care less!"

and aside from those who would act like a four year old that didnt get any dessert, youd also have the other side of the coin

example number 1: Bennet.

He"d be so sad and dejected, and he would absolutely blame it on himself.

"I mean it makes sense... I wouldn't want me either..."

poor baby would be feeling depressed, cause its one thing having npc's not wanting you around and its another when its the creator that doesn't want you on the team

another allogene that fits into this category is Collei

once she hears the disappointment that your voice is laced with, her shoulders slum and her eyes get teary. the only difference between her and benny is that she'd try to hide it

"No, I mean it makes sense! I... I am not good enough, that's why... But that's okay! I just need to do better..."

(istg if you hurt my babies ill hunt you down, they are both too precious)

so up until now we have those who are salty and get annoyed that you dont appreciate their greatness, and those who blame themselves for not being good enough, and then you have Kaveh

If this post is a coin then Kaveh is the line you try to balance the coin on

he'd be so annoyed by your reaction but internally he'd be beating himself up

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'oh...'! HONESTLY! THEY WOULDNT EVEN RECOGNISE TALENT IF IT HIT THEM STRAIGHT IN THE FACE!"

meanwhile inside his head: "I guess it makes sense... A burden is a burden no matter with who is carrying it..."

and of course we have those who couldn't care less (cough Alhaitham cough) and those who don't make a huge deal out of it and just smile saying that "it's okay, they were just excited" (the loml, Kazuha)

Yeah anyways I've been thinking. Feel free to elaborate or add stuff :))

[peachycrime]

SLK or Spider/Kiri/Lo'ak Headcanons

idk what these will be about tbh i’m just writing as i think of stuff lmao

Kiri had a phase where she was convinced she was a witch because everywhere she went an animal would just waddle up to her

Spider, Lo’ak and Jake talk to babies like they’re grown people, like no baby talk and it’s hilarious

Lo’ak was once holding a baby, and you know how you hold them high in the air and they’re above you? Yea they were having a moment and then the little creature threw up all over his shirt and started giggling right after

“Dude seriously? we were having a moment wtf” it took everything in him not to just drop the baby

Lo’ak would copy everything Jake did as a kid, his lil mini me fr

Lo’ak’s first words were either dad or Teyam

Spider and Lo’ak both have severe anger issues and lord knows what would happen if they ever turned on eachother abt that anger

Lo'ak is always reprimanded about the things he does, gets yelled at and gets in trouble in situations where he isn't truly at fault. Authority figures never let him explain himself and always assume he's lying or trying to makes excuses and they expect him to just take it and move on. He does, but all that annoyance and anger at a situation he can't help tends to come back up a lot.

With Spider on the other hand, adults can never seem to shut up with their backhanded comments,

"you're nicer than i thought you'd be considering your dad"

"Oh wow you're so smart I didn't think you'd get it'

"You look just like him" (in a bad way)

"Oh you're good at this, who would've thought"

All this stuff and he can't really say anything because he'd be proving them right. So he stays silent, doesn't argue back and boy does he hate it.

One time Neytiri made a comment on the wrong day at the wrong time and he honestly considered violence before he just silently walked out of the room. He definitely punches and breaks stuff but he tries to restrain himself which adds to the pent up anger

They've both used that anger on their bullies, Spider broke the guys nose and dislocated his shoulder by pulling it up his back and making him promise to never show his face again

Lo'ak just went straight to the punches, broke the dudes nose and left him slack jawed

So if you ever catch them in a slightly off mood and you even try to talk to them or act any sort of way, you're getting sent to the nurse. I'm sorry i don't make these rules

Kiri is the mediator, she doesn't want to be but she sometimes ends up being the most rational because when she's upset, anger isn't her default unlike the other two

Lo'ak collects comic books, Jake started the obsession and he went wild. Have a comic or manga you wanna borrow? Vintage or not it's probably in his room somewhere

Spider is a math genius, the formulas are just free balling in his head and it makes it easy for him.

He's also a literature enthusiast but has a hard time expressing his own ideas on paper, great public speaker though

Lo'ak definitely over analyzes his favorite characters, gets sad and cries silently abt it

Kiri is an all around science nerd, she goes to class just because she enjoys helping out w hands on science stuff, most of the content isn't new for her

Kiri despises chemistry, she understands it but finds it uninteresting. Ofc biology and botany are where it’s at

All language nerds

All great at physical education, i mean like the actually science behind the body, they have all the muscle names memorized etc

Kiri is their little jewel, Lo’ak especially, he tries to make it the least obvious but Spider definitely tells her how much Lo’ak cherishes her

Spider is very open with his affections, he just doesn’t feel the need to hide it, they live that loves that about him

Spider and Neteyam know how to cook a mean meal, put them in a kitchen together and you’re literally drooling at the smell

Spider is a spicy food enthusiast right along with Jake and Neytiri

Kiri has had a cat for 4 years, Jake has only known for 2 years because he used to be terrified of them and Kiri didn’t want him to freak out

He now carries said cat like it’s his mini purse

I’m all out

i’ll be delivering some locorro crumbs soon!

[apho-sappho]

HELLO

I'm about to go talk to a friend but need to wait a few more minutes and am bouncing off the walls with internal energy so I am spilling it into your ask box, so sorry about that! :D (also you always seemed to reblog any "you can ask me stuffs" things multiple times so I have decided to take you up on this :))) )

Questions!!! (feel free to answer whichever you want obviously)

is there any little details about Safi and/or Shattered Portals (I think that's what you said it was called right? the Flora, Midna, Shadow, Ravio, and Linkle do stuff au) and/or the mlp lu thingey-magig-y and/or any other thing you're working on that you've not found a way to share yet? They're all very interesting :D

Is there any random head cannon or something else that you mayhaps want to blab about?

Basically this is a slip of paper saying that I've enjoyed all your little rambles and appreciate your existence, ok bye, have a good day! :D

HEHEHEHE I'm so glad you asked

Safi au is being written but unfortunately it's taken a bit of a backburner compared to other AUs I'm writing cough cough four de-aged to cap cough cough

Fun fact, in it, Time spends The Big Bucks to buy all sorts of candies and fruits for fairies who pass by the ranch! Safi immediately takes full advantage of it

Safi also speaks Minish with Four to communicate when they don't want people to understand them

I have 2 pages of Shattered Portals sketched out, but two panels of it properly drawn out. I'll still need to finish the rest and color it, but I'm hoping to upload the first "chapter" so to speak somewhat soon . Hopefully . If I'm lucky

I'm considering writing a lil oneshot for Shattered Portals but idk when I'd do so

I have 6 ponies drawn for my itty bitty mlploz thing, Time, Malon, Legend, Ravio, and Marin in both Legend and Warriors times. I have it all *written down*, but no designs

Some things I haven't talked about yet:

I have a happy ending sequel being written for my revalink fic!!!! It's at 2k words so far. In it, every member of the chain gets little Purah Phones

I also have a fic where Four gets teleported to Wild's world after the events of totk! 2.6k words so far! Both Blue and Vio have been taking anger management classes and Vio is trying So Hard not to snap at the rest for spending all their rupees

I have an au being written abt the Champions coming back to life post totk and having avatars like the sages too. It involves Wild shutting them off and forgetting after he joins the chain and then remembering during a fight and turning them on, only for them to kill all the enemies and immediately yell at him. This one has a grand total of 227 words so far 😭

As for hcs, I might have to reblog and add some later :D They're not coming to mind rn

[mushie-is-becoming-a-homestucks]

Oookay finally doing this after procrastinating and reading some of it already..

If you’re reading this uh, hi! My name is mushroom or frost! My friends also call my mushie as a nickname. My pronouns are she/her and currently, i am reading homestuck for the first time EVERRRR.

I know, its surprising im on tumblr and haven’t ever touched homestuck before..i feel like i need to apologize or something. But yeah! My friend and i are currently reading it and I wanted somewhere I could ramble about it other than DM my friend 20 times a day. I decided to make it a sideblog rather than put it on my main so i have a better Archive of my reactions to look back on without struggling to go through my on account 😭 also so i dont have to flood the tag with my liveblogs for the people who have it muted they can just block this account instead XP

Homestuck in 2024 lets go, feel free to send me asks! About me my reactions/thoughts or whatever! You can also ask my main @mushiemooon homestuck related questions, or anything else too! I really don’t mind :3

current statuses: (ill try and update this regularly)

Page number: 2722

Current thoughts: terezi is my favorite also someone is cooking here

Uh #’s so we both can sort through what we want to see

#the stuck -Liveblog posts

#stuck mail -Asks

#crazy stuck -rambling or theory’s maybe idk

Some stuff might not be tagged with these at all if i forget feel free to yell at me to add one of these if i forget 😭

[negativnine]

stupid Kale headcannon thing

stuff

idk

i feel like the reason he is the way he is, is because of unreceived attention and bullying, like “THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT ME, WHY SHOULD ABOUT CARE ABOUT THEM” but he is just talking about like ages from 5 to 10

most definitely  theater kid, and the dramatic kind like there is now way he is not into theatrics probably the reason he got bullied as a kid seen Hamilton at least once

speaking of theatric kale, he also probably writes poems and it’s the edgy cringy kind of poems as well he only has fun while writing them after finishing them he reads them through he’s just like “yeah no” and because of that he has a super secret and complex safe just for whatever notebook he has those poems written in

also when chai and the gang finds it and opens the safe, ‘cus of course they will since it looks suspicious as fuck, it’s just gonna be like Chai: HE WRITES POEMS?! Peppermint: HE STILL WRITES POEMS?!

i know that the accepted relationship between him and Mimosa is Mimosa looking up to him, but personally i find the idea of them friends more appealing like they’re the cliché mean girls high school duo that judges and gossips about everybody

that being said Mimosa was probably his only friend, which is sad, but it’s kale so not really

probably has anger issues, not the violent outburst kind, but more like Dylan yelling at his old baking recipes or kitchen wear (i have such a clear image of him just yelling “CEASE AND DESIST” to an oven)

since it is canon that he is a dog person,(which just makes me so giddy for no reason) i like to think he is just the most aggressive dog person a dog person can be like at some point somebody in the boss team was like “it would probably be nice to have meetings outside every once in a while” but that had to be scrapped because he would just disappear every 10 minutes ‘cus he somehow found a dog just chillin’ and decided that it needed to be pet like i feel like he could have been bribed with dogs in someway and the whole final boss fight could have been avoided

as much he is a poor little meow meow, he is also kind of a malewife material my mind cannot be changed about this

he probably has been living by basically himself since like the age of 15 he definitely knows his way around the kitchen at least

also back to the dog person bit at first i was like “so who the hell made the conscious decision to make Rouqefort into a mecha warewolf?” but it was definitely Kale and Rouqefort probably approved and i don’t know which one is worse  

this man has been living in my head rent free for god knows how long

if anything else comes to my mind i’ll probably add also feel free to add yours if y’all have any

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, I am having a really stressful time at the moment. It is just bad luck, many things that haven't been properly resolved in the past, and now all of them demand a resolution during the next week, a lot just happening with the family, illness, issues with my apartment etc. I am really working on all of this, it feels like that's all I do all day. And still, every day my todo list is longer than the previous day. I can't catch up with all of this. And it is so unfair, none of this is really my fault. Most is just miscommunication, some just bad luck. I get letters "We are going to sue you" and the reason is the easiest miscommunication, that I am trying to solve for 3 years, I wrote them letters, mails, etc but they probably didn't even read them? And now it is my fault and "at the end of the week we will call the police?" Today I totally snapped, I wrote mails to them every other hour, all day. I was on their phone queue all day. I was trying to annoy them into reading my letters. And guess what. Nothing happened. Didn't reach anyone on the phone, no answer at my mails etc. And then they are threatening to sue me? That's so unfair, and I can't do anything, if they just don't read my stuff.

This is my biggest "now" problem, but there are also other ones. Miscommunication, so I didn't pay my med insurance properly the last year. They want 5k, rightfully, but I don't have it. So I am stuck at their phone queue, trying to make a payment plan etc. "When will you be able to visit our uncle in the hospital, who, out of nothing got a potentially deadly illness"? My washing machine exploded (lightly).

All my days are wasted, solving random issues. I am so overwhelmed, I can't anymore. But I am also so stressed that, even without the threats, I wouldn't be able to relax either.

I hate that I spam those people every two hours with my bs mail, I am shivering when I open my mailbox. But I have to. I just can't anymore, but if I don't, i get sued. I get yelled at. I get yelled at by my family. Might lose my med insurance. Issues with the landlord, all of it.

I just don't see any light, the list just gets longer every day... idk, idk what to do. I just wished there was an (adultier) adult, a parent, who would help me with all of this, whom I could cry to and who'd hug me..

Hi anon,

It sounds like you're stuck juggling a lot of different stressful obligations that are making you understandably overwhelmed and hopeless. If it's any comfort or reassurance, please know that these are things that many adults unfortunately have to deal with - you're not alone.

I'm not sure who is threatening to sue or call the police on you and there's a possibility it could be a scam. But if it is real, you've clearly proven an effort to reach out and try to rectify the situation, so if god forbid a lawsuit ensues, you at least have that proof in your favor.

I hope things get easier for you soon. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[zero-braincells-left]

intro post (sort of)

rahhhh hello!! you can call me Zero

(name is subject to change tho. prolly not any time soon but still) (my url used to be oreayourlocalannoyingidiot if you know me from that)

I won’t be making a list of fandoms (most stuff that’s important about me is in my bio) but im almost always into camp camp and omori

fuck if I know my gender (genderfluid moment haha) but really anything is fine usually. he/they is probably good as a default if ur not sure tho. (not that it matters but I’m afab so that might be mentioned whenever I rant about gender)

typical dni stuff: proshippers, homo/transphobes, I honestly forgot what any other stuff is called but anyone who discriminates against ppl for who they are and stuff, just. yknow. assholes.

I mainly reblog stuff, sometimes I’ll write or draw though!!

also a lot of the time I’ll forget to add trigger warnings so stuff (like death, murder, suicide etc) so feel free to yell at me to add that stuff to posts (as I do post quite a bit about omori and, yknow, the omori-typical triggering topics)

my moms pretty sure I have ADHD but i don’t have a diagnosis for anything so. i dunno

tone tags r useful but not required. just sometimes shits hard to understand over the internet yknow

also i do not use punctuation correctly a lot. don’t mind that

some silly tags I use:

#zero’s irrelevant thoughts (it’s where I just think stuff sometimes) (used to be #orea’s irrelevant thoughts)

#zero’s lovesick ramblings (unfortunately i have feelings, which i feel the need to express in the form of shitty gay poetry or extremely long and off-topic rants.)

#zero’s random hcs (idk why I have this tag but. I have opinions on characters!!)

#zero talks about gender (not really a tag yet, as I haven’t talked about gender stuff much since I went by Orea (old tag was #orea talks about gender)

#zero vents (will I ever use this? probably not. I’m actually fairly well mentally, and in general I don’t really discuss stuff like that on tumblr,, maybe I’ll use it a bit tho)

#zero draws stuff (i, on occasion, do commit an art.)

#zero answers asks (asks!!)

#i should start reblogging things (reblogs!! very inconsistent)

also known as SomeCrazyPerson87 on ao3 (and wattpad, although I haven’t seriously used it in forever and the account was/is shared with a friend)

[victorclays]

Okay i have to make a post about this cuz it's driving me bonkers!!!

It's a fandom thing. And i know this is probably happening with a lot of younger fans, and it's not... i'm not MAD or yelling at y'all i just, am sharing some older fandom information.

So when you ship two characters, i'm gonna use Stranger Things characters cuz it's on my mind currently, so there are different ways to tag and like, show what type of relationship is being shown between them.

Romantic ship: steve x eddie

Platonic ship: steve & robin

The 'x' is for romantic pairings and ships, and the '&' is for platonic or familial or what have you. Just like on the ao3 filters.

I see people use the 'x' for platonic and with the kids, like I've seen:

steve x dustin

And that is just... so JARRING to my old fandom eyes.

And i know it's because it's not always common knowledge and such, and like i said, definitely not making this post to upset or yell at anyone. Just passing on the information for those who may not know.

Mainly because i know when i see things tagged with 'x' in ships that involve kids when it's just talking about how they're family and such, it just... throws me off. And i have to check what y'all mean.

And i'm all for ship and let ship but i also know that for people like me, if we see tags like that on some stuff we probably don't interact with it, when we would probably enjoy it and share it had it been tagged the other way. And i want everybody's work to get the right attention, ya know?

I'm not sure i worded this super well but i keep seeing the 'x' and had to make a post about it cuz it's so jarring seeing the 'x' when what it means to me, and most older fandom folks i think, is a romantic pairing.

Idk, if anyone has anything else to add feel free, cuz i'm sure there's probably a better explanation somewhere.

[bigdickevans]

i watched smile and wrote down my live reaction if anyone cares lol. long story short it was better than i thought it would be, the death/spooky effects were fun but it was kinda heavy handed with the mental health commentary

i went into this thinking it would be funny bad but. goddammit. ok i liked the opening.

the fucking back and forth shots of the main lady and the college girl’s faces, it set me up!!

then when it showed college girl had gotten up. idk man something about how empty and sterile the office is wigged me out even more.

and her cutting her neck was neato

at the title card now and alright goddamn it didn’t have to flash like that yeesh

oh also it sounds like this is just gonna be it follows but with suicide instead of sex

lord they’re trying to do mental health commentary. great.

ugh if i end up liking this movie i’m gonna be embarrassed

that cat’s dead. and nooo i don’t know that because i checked doesthedogdie.com

i was hoping the cat would smile lmao

WAIT THE BOYFRIEND

WHO IS HE

SLKJFLKSDF IT’S A-TRAIN

i’ve decided this takes place in The Boys universe

sorry i got so distracted by a-train that i forgot to say that main lady seeing the dead girl in the dimly lit kitchen did freak me out.

we’re back to the mental health commentary.

why does the cat have such a big fucking bowl

Young cop(?) dude gives me the creeps.

Haha sassy black coworker!! very funny and cool el oh el

ooooo i liked her passing the rooms and having to backtrack

bro is vibing stop snapping

im so sorry but this carl actor has a really silly voice

i feel like this boss also looks familiar

oh he was in designated survivor ok

actually i’ve been kinda constipated so maybe if i watch this on the toilet i’ll shit myself and finally be free

jesus this lady just can’t stop breaking glasses

none of this would’ve happened if you just KEPT YOUR HOUSE WELL LIT

WAIT STOP EVERYTHING

YOUNG COP CREEP IS THE EMO GUY FROM JENNIFER’S BODY

wow what a cast

i sorta missed the whole bit where she listened to the recording and heard stuff, i was unclogging my toilet

main lady and blonde bitch are sisters?? wow that went straight over my head until now. i knew they had to be related in some way? but i kinda thought the husband and the main lady were siblings

dead cat moment

love that they felt the need to clarify it was her cat lmao

when the boy picked it up it looked like really bad cgi

DAMN

TABLE SLAM KO

yeah babe sometimes you just gotta yell it out

SLKDFJLS THE PAIN ASSESSMENT CHART

im sorry… mental health preachy message aside, are you telling me the fiance had to look up the fact that mental illness can be hereditary??

for some reason i feel like the main character’s spiral happened way too fast

but to be fair i guess she does have that trauma with her mom, so maybe even though she works in healthcare she’d still be more susceptible to this line of thinking?

the number of times they say “crazy” in this movie is getting ridiculous

love a good smashed in head, i appreciate they didn’t add a loud noise with it considering the amount of jumpscares in this fucking thing

thank god horrible events always happen to artists so we can have ooky spooky drawings

these “coincidences” are so obviously connected it’s ludicrous that literally nobody noticed until now

I mean cops being inept is nothing new i guess

main character is being? unbelievably unreasonable here?? yes, calling a mental health professional is what you’re SUPPOSED to do when someone around you starts acting like this

i thought one of the whole points of this smile demon thing was that it could look like anyone? they haven’t really been utilizing that as much as i assumed they would which is a bummer

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

loved that moment with the sister at the car

it is kinda neat that the death has to be super dramatic so it inflicts as much trauma as possible

but also couldn’t you just do something traumatic that doesn’t involve murder or suicide?

like pretend you murdered someone or killed yourself in a crazy violent way in front of someone so they believe it happened, orchestrate a big practical joke

the demon voice is goofy

putting a knife that big up your sleeve seems like an atrocious idea

LMAO AWESOME DREAM

it’s like in chainsaw man. the whole door thing with denji. i’m not elaborating bc i don’t wanna spoil anyone.

the mom is kinda hot

lol i like how slowly rose closed the door

ooooooo!!!! suddenly tall mom!!!

i’m a tad disappointed with the monster design :/

HELL YEAH you thought a house fire could kill a demon?? lmaoooo

I TAKE IT BACK THE MONSTER DESIGN LOOKS RAD

rose the throat goat

hell yeah love a good person burning

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[actualbird]

Giann brainrot but hear me out

What if Giann was like really good at music? Maybe at playing an instrument (like the guitar, which Marius couldn’t bring himself to play because it reminded him of his mom) or singing or both idk.

Mama Von Hagen was very talented in both music and arts (this is canon), so what if each son took something from her??? Besides from Giann being (also canonly) more similar in personality to Ms Von Hagen while Marius is (in Austin’s words) “colder(!)” just as him

(Random long commentary because I listened to a nostalgic song and decided it was Von Hagen bros angst hour)

HELLO, I LOVE THISSSSS!!!! i need to know tho, where is that latter detail in canon about austin saying marius is colder omg, i havent seen it before and i Must know!

that aside tho, YESSSS, GIANN GOOD AT MUSIC. that is hugebrained idea, esp since canon doesnt really give us anything more on his character aside from "really great CEO during his term" and "marius loves him to BITS" and "protective shithead, i am always thinking about that flashback scene in SSR Will Of The Trees". so this hc adds nice flavor to the free real estate that is giann von hagen

i now like to think that giann deffo took up guitar. not as a “serious” venture but he just picked it up in his teens and got pretty good at it casually. and while hes no concert level vocalist, he sounds really great whenever he and marius went for a dumb karaoke hangout whereas marius just misses EVERY BEAT, GOES OFF EVERY KEY, it’s a genuinely fun time for both of em since karaoke isnt about sounding good, more just yelling into a microphone for the Vibes Of It All

another reason why i love this is cuz marius is shit at anything musical, canonically. twice now in current global cards (SR Overture, little scene in SSR In The Darkness) and here and there in official art (that one beach chibi? marius playing the guitar and the notes are viSIBLY SHAKY LMAOOOOOO), this dude cannot do anything musical

but he keeps trying anyway.

at first, i chalked it up to marius' tendency to dive headfirst into anything, even stuff he isnt good at, because effort and intention matters!! which i still think is true but i got another layer added when i remembered SR Twilight Beauty. theres this bit in there where marius is trying to understand his mom's musical compositions, trying to Truly Grasp how it felt like creating that music in the moment, trying to see how or what she was thinking when she had created her music

phrased a different way: marius does not understand music, but he tries to in order to understand someone who is no longer here

mama von hagen passed away shortly after marius’ birth, but i figure austin had told marius a bunch about her. her personality, what she loved to do, and maybe a hummed lullaby she’d always hum to put marius to sleep. marius cant remember melody of that lullaby coming from his mother herself, he was too young. so he just hums it himself based on how his dad told him it sounded like, going through the tune over and over again as a way to connect with someone he never got to truly meet. 

art is a lot about communication, and marius, of all people, would know that. i feel like trying to understand a person’s art to understand the person themselves is an avenue he’d gravitate to. he didnt get to meet his mother, but he can try to connect with her through what she left behind.

but shes not the only one whos gone now too

so marius often has a bunch of songs stuck in his head, and theyre not songs hes personally into. theyre giann’s go-to songs back in their dumb karaoke hangouts. marius will idly find himself humming them while working or painting and he doesnt let himself forget these tunes or the melody of the lullaby from his mom. because even if he hums off tune and cant manage to do anything musical one bit, music is a language his mom and giann used. 

for his mom, keeping her music in his mind is a calming way to stay connected to her even if he never got to meet her. 

for giann, memories of his singing is something that grounds marius in reality so that he doesnt ever give up on finding giann and bringing him back.

[ifhoonlvr]

Running out of time ….

// pairing , yang jungwon x gender neutral! reader

// summery , running out of time to make y/n stay. Running out of time to save her.

// warnings , attempted suicide , self harm , angst , family problems , cursing

// date , 10/19/22 - 10/23/22

// word count , 555 words.

// notes , I don’t promote any of these things , if your going through this feel free to text me :) I’m always here !!

part 2

———————

‘do it..’

‘just leave.’

‘why are you even here? You have no purpose here. Leave the earth.’

The reddish dark lines were everywhere around my body. Of course they stung. They even burned a little. It’s crazy how people can have thoughts like that. But there’s nothing you can do. Once their there. They will never go away. ever. It’s even hard to not hear them when their so loud. There yelling at you until you do something about it. And that’s we’re the illnesses comes in and stuff. Once you start, hah , you’ll never stop, believe me. I’ve tried and failed. Surprised I even stopped ..

The problems in my life can add on to it.Not having a father their in your life is hard , when your siblings hate you and your the least favorite child according to my mom and siblings. Yeah this is what I have too go through every single day of this fucking dumb life. Maybe I should just let go. Leave everything behind me and leave this earth. It’s not like anyone will care and notice , they don’t need me either way. They seem much better without me and they’ve proved the server times.

Sometimes I just wanna-

-slam-

“why are you still here? Fucking leave already damn.”

I then let out a breath. ‘How about you leave fucking bitch.’ I thought before closing the diary and placing it under my bed in a box. I then grabbed my backpack and phone before leaving the house. Or whatever it is, it’s not like they even want me their. Whatever. I’ll die soon either way. I then left the house not without of course , slamming the door shut and then I made my way to a place where hell resides with little devils inside of it.

“hey y/n !!” A voice yelled happily.

Y/n then started walking faster.

“hey- why are you walking so fast know- hey wait up!” He yelled before running a bit to catch up to the girl. Y/n then caught a glimpse of the red headed boy. ‘jungwon’ she thought with inaudible sigh. It’s not that she didn’t like him , she just rather be alone because his reputation will get ruined and people will start to not like him.

“Hi y/n ! How was your day?…’silence’.. well I hope it was good ! Mine was pretty good , I got an ‘a’ on my math test yesterday which is very good !”

Y/n then stopped walking. Jungwon then looked at her in confusion before also stopping.

“Why do you always walk with me? Yk it’s bad for your reputation”

“Oh well , I walk with you because I wanna be friends with you. And I don’t really care about my reputation.” He said with a wide smile. Which caused y/n to sigh.

“Well that’s no good for you.” Y/n said before fixing her backpack and continuing to walk. It was then jungwons time to sigh before walking behind the girl talking about random things that came up to mind.

To be honest , y/n didn’t mind. She liked the company, it’s like the care and love she never got as a kid that she yearned for. It’s just that she didn’t wanna be his friends for him to be heartbroken when she leaves the earth.

——————

I’m making a part 2 sometime idk when but this is apart of the Halloween one shots !

edited

[bow-wow-wark-wark]

Oh yeah? Ramuda doesnt have adhd? pfft bet

Enough jest aside, I was really inspired by this one post that talked about sasara being autistic and samatoki having adhd, so I decided to make my own but with ramuda!!!! I personally headcanon the entire hypmic cast except for like 2 charas as neurodivergent but this seems easier to do, might make another one tho. Sorry if these seem just like statements but it just seems so obvious to me idk how to explain

Anyways so I personally think that he has adhd and bpd

The pictures that I showed above are clear signs that he has adhd. I'd also like to add the fact that he's usually seen eating, also also the thing he does in the manga where every time he moves or stands up theres like a boing sound effect thing next to him bc I personally think he says it himself (verbal stimming)

Ok let's point out some stuff: 1st he definitely has the hyperactive kind or if that's just an act the mixed one.

2nd the fact he tends to be very touchy with people.

3rd the fact that he gets bored easily and is always craving more exciting stimulation.

4. He gets distracted easily.

5. He avoids things he doesnt like a lot, like talking about or to jakurai, eating food he doesn't like, etc.

6. The fact that he doesn't seem to stick to common social norms, and like etiquette and stuff. (All the times jakurai points it out on tdd or when he doesn't close the door when he's measuring that girl on the drama cd) with this as well the fact that he tends to be seen as insensitive sometimes.

Ok next bpd signs: tw // self harm

.

.

1st unstable sense of self, ramuda doesn't seem to have the best image of himself most of the time, specifically bc of him being a clone and all that, I would say this plays into him having impulsive and self damaging behavior. If you think about it he does a lot of reckless stuff (also bc of his craving for stimulation) like in the anime where he decides he is going to mind hack jakurai basically on a whim. This whole thing also has another aspect: self harm. Diana pointed out how ramuda is never seen wearing more revealing clothes, I think it would be interesting if its bc he has self harmed before, this could even be to feel "more human" apart from the self punishing behavior.

2nd feelings of emptiness (which also plays into the messy self image as pointed on the picture below) this plays into people feeling as if they are nothing or nobody which he probably feels since he has all the other ramuda clones, so he might feel as if there's no difference and like he doesn't matter

3rd extreme mood changing, this is not as seen as much I guess since he's usually all happy go lucky, but we can point out the scene where he yells at jakurai in the tdd manga, the scene where he tells gentaro to stay out of his business, most of the after scenes when he speaks to ichijuku, etc. Also since its common for people with bpd to engage in punishing behavior after lashing out, this:

This keeps going, but you could say this also goes hand in hand with anger management issues and the fact that he tries to suppress that anger in this scene; suppressing emotions is also a thing with bpd.

4th unstable relationships: for the longest of time ramuda had very messy relationships; his relationship with the chohuku girls, his relationship with jakurai (which could have gone with idolizing it for a little bit to criticizing it when they broke up, which is fairly common) and with the tdd. Also how he has a hard time accepting fling posse's friendship bc he has a hard time connecting with others and has had unsuccessful relationships before.

This relates to fear of abandonment, 1st this pic, 2nd when the tdd talks about fighting chohuku he seems unsure, probably bc this means they would have to disband when they find out he's a clone. Also with the fling posse thing, can't get abandoned if you dont even let people in to begin with, am I right?

Last feeling paranoid when stressed, most people tend to become suspicious of others actions and behaviors. The instance I'm pointing out would be in the manga after he doesnt mind hack jakurai, immediately after this ramuda believes that ichijuku is going to kill him so he says his good byes to fling posse and all that, nonetheless she says she wasnt going to do that, which plays into the feeling paranoid. Also when he yells at jakurai once again, he's expecting him to get angry, which is why he quickly tries to act as if nothing happened but jakurai doesnt.

Ok I think that's it, if you have something else to add, feel free too, I can also (try to) elaborate if something isnt that clear. This comes from someone with both adhd and bpd but if I got something wrong, feel free to tell me. Anyways stay tuned for if i do another one