#i will proudly wear the Kale simp club president title

[negativnine]

stupid Kale headcannon thing

stuff

idk

i feel like the reason he is the way he is, is because of unreceived attention and bullying, like “THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT ME, WHY SHOULD ABOUT CARE ABOUT THEM” but he is just talking about like ages from 5 to 10

most definitely  theater kid, and the dramatic kind like there is now way he is not into theatrics probably the reason he got bullied as a kid seen Hamilton at least once

speaking of theatric kale, he also probably writes poems and it’s the edgy cringy kind of poems as well he only has fun while writing them after finishing them he reads them through he’s just like “yeah no” and because of that he has a super secret and complex safe just for whatever notebook he has those poems written in

also when chai and the gang finds it and opens the safe, ‘cus of course they will since it looks suspicious as fuck, it’s just gonna be like Chai: HE WRITES POEMS?! Peppermint: HE STILL WRITES POEMS?!

i know that the accepted relationship between him and Mimosa is Mimosa looking up to him, but personally i find the idea of them friends more appealing like they’re the cliché mean girls high school duo that judges and gossips about everybody

that being said Mimosa was probably his only friend, which is sad, but it’s kale so not really

probably has anger issues, not the violent outburst kind, but more like Dylan yelling at his old baking recipes or kitchen wear (i have such a clear image of him just yelling “CEASE AND DESIST” to an oven)

since it is canon that he is a dog person,(which just makes me so giddy for no reason) i like to think he is just the most aggressive dog person a dog person can be like at some point somebody in the boss team was like “it would probably be nice to have meetings outside every once in a while” but that had to be scrapped because he would just disappear every 10 minutes ‘cus he somehow found a dog just chillin’ and decided that it needed to be pet like i feel like he could have been bribed with dogs in someway and the whole final boss fight could have been avoided

as much he is a poor little meow meow, he is also kind of a malewife material my mind cannot be changed about this

he probably has been living by basically himself since like the age of 15 he definitely knows his way around the kitchen at least

also back to the dog person bit at first i was like “so who the hell made the conscious decision to make Rouqefort into a mecha warewolf?” but it was definitely Kale and Rouqefort probably approved and i don’t know which one is worse  

this man has been living in my head rent free for god knows how long

if anything else comes to my mind i’ll probably add also feel free to add yours if y’all have any