#also february is just. the worst month for me. so like. if it's already this bad i'm not looking forward to how next month is gonna be :///

[seagullcharmer]

i hate having anxiety. oh i can't ask simple questions where the worst they'll say is no. ridiculous

[eclectic-sassycoweyes]

Mr. Perfect, Book and Cover

- a Tarlos Library Meet Cute and a graduation gift for @emsprovisions 🥳 - pairs with this completely amazing art by @whatsintheboxmh

Eeeemmmm!!!! You did it!!! You’re freee!!! I’m so freakishly proud and over the moon for you my friend💗💗 and I’m very excited to hear what the other side is like!! (just please spare me some details until I’m done with exams in February please).

You making it to the other side, making it through every single annoying assignment, ending your days of always feeling a little bit bad for doing something you enjoy because you could be doing homework instead - all that needs to be celebrated to the fullers!!🎊 (Also you need to be celebrated because you are a kind, lovely, sexy, sweet christmas loving button who sneaks around keeping secrets and then sprinkles holiday joy on one lucky person a day after the other for this whole month.)

Without further ado, have some Tarlos Library Meet Cute for you on your last day of classes!💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Placing the novel on top of his already tall stack of cook books, Carlos turns slowly, carefully balancing them in his arms, with a plan to head to the counter. Only as he turns he comes face to face with a sight that he is by now, too embarrassingly familiar with.

For a moment he’s too stunned to realize what or rather who the sight implies, too stunned in fact to do anything but stare transfixed on two beautifully rounded globes perfectly accentuated by snug jeans, loose fitted just enough that they don’t reel anything in either.

He’s too busy wondering what it would be like to place his hands right there, thumbs pressing in just above, resting on the top of the plump cheeks, fingers gripping around soft hips; Imagining the feeling under his hands of the pink sweater that’s rucked up as if purposefully making the most magnificent ass Carlos has ever laid his eyes on pop out even more as if that’s even necessary..

He is abruptly pulled out of his daydreaming by a cheerful “Hey Carlos!” coming from somewhere above him. And then several unfortunate events transpire almost at once.

All the blood in his body changes the slow but steady downwards direction it was going in to rush up to his face, his cheeks flushing as he practically tears his gaze from the gorgeous butt, up, up, up, until it lands on the somehow even more devastating sight that is TK’s face beaming down at him.

In a voice sounding like he just travelled 15 years back in time and hit puberty all over again, Carlos yelps out a “TK!” Gathering himself and trying not to think TK probably having just caught him staring at his ass, he clears his throat to make himself sound more like his actual age and then continues to make a fool of himself “I didn’t think you were working today!”

He doesn’t phrase it as a question, rather he almost sounds accusing, and now he’s just gone and revealed that he has memorized TK’s work schedule maybe a little too well. He can feel a small bead of sweat forming on his temple and he feels stuffy in his jacket suddenly.

The worst thing is that while all this has been happening, he’s been desperately and probably very unsubtly trying to restack his books, trying and failing to look casual about it, in an attempt to hide the book he had just placed on top, the hunky, bare chested man in a cardigan and hot-librarian glasses on the cover bearing an obvious and uncanny resemblance to the man currently smiling down at him from the ladder he’s perched on.

The attempts at concealment results in several of the books catapulting dramatically out of his hands, Mr. Perfect, Book and Cover landing on the floor face up and right at TK’s feet.

Within the span of two minutes Carlos has regressed back to his teenage self, his cheeks flushed, voice rising and falling in uncontrollable pitches, and beginning to smell faintly of the type of sweat that comes from your nerves and hormones constantly being in overdrive; he has been uncharacteristically impolite, and on top of it all has managed to reveal not only that he’s memorized TK’s work schedule but also that he likes to read cheesy romance novels about hot librarians - all in front of his crush, who happens to be a librarian.

His crush, who is still smiling down at him, although now also starting to look a little puzzled and slightly concerned as he descends the ladder slowly as if worried that any sudden movements will spook Carlos further. Carlos kind of wants to hit himself on top of his head with a hammer repeatedly.

TK is bending down to pick the books up and, rising, he places them back in Carlos’ arms where the ones that didn’t escape are still stacked. It makes Carlos feel like he’s in some cheesy romantic high school comedy.

Mr. Perfect, Book and Cover is still lying face-up on the floor, and Carlos doesn’t act fast enough to prevent disaster. Before he manages to do anything to stop it, TK is bent down again, picking it up for him while Carlos stands there paralyzed watching it happen in slow motion.

All Carlos can hope for at this point is that TK won’t know that it’s a gay cheesy romance novel and he can pretend he’s just picking it up for his sister or something, but as TK picks up the book recognition shines in his eyes and Carlos cringes internally.

“Oh this is a cute one!” He says, smiling brightly as he hands Carlos the book. “Although the cover is a little cliché,” he laughs and Carlos is so dead. He’s never coming back to this library. It’s too bad though he really liked it. He hasn’t experienced a library having both such a good cook book section and an lgbt+ section that updates its selection of cheesy romance novels every month.

“I picked that out myself actually,” TK talks on but Carlos can barely hear him above the ringing in his ears. He vaguely registers TK say something about the librarian theme being his own little inside joke, and oh god, TK must be aware of how much that guy on the cover looks like him. Carlos has never felt so mortified. And okay, maybe he’s being a tad overdramatic but Carlos has also never experienced a crush like the one he has on TK, and he’s usually pretty good at keeping himself out of embarrassing situations.

“Carlos? Are you okay?” Carlos is once again brought out of a spiral, this time of another kind, by TK’s voice, this time laden with the same concern that colors his face. “Do you need to sit down?” Now TK’s is reaching out a tentative hand towards him and Carlos needs to answer before he has an even more embarrassing reaction to TK actually touching him.

“I’m fine!” He squeaks and seriously what’s up with the puberty part two he’s apparently going through right now? He’s 29 not 15 goddammit! The universe must hate him. TK is understandably not looking very convinced.

“Are you sure? It is pretty hot I’m here and you are wearing a lot of clothes.”

Carlos has to hold himself back from making the situation worse by laughing hysterically at the non-innuendo that only serves his earlier thought about being stuck in some bad romantic comedy. Or maybe more like a bad porn. Maybe removing Mr. Perfect, Book and Cover from the shelf opened up a portal that sucked Carlos in without him knowing and now he’s stuck in the story being badly flirted with by Mr. Perfect himself. He’s realizing his thoughts are a clear sign that he definitely isn’t done spiraling.

He gathers all his self control and manages a completely sane sounding ��really, I’m fine,“ and even pairs it with a very normal-looking smile.

“Alright,” TK says slowly, retracting his hand to Carlos’ immense relief. “If you’re sure,” he adds, the concern dissipating hesitantly from his eyes.

Carlos realizes that now is the time to engage in polite small talk to prove to TK that he is really both physically and mentally okay, but there is something naggingly floating around just outside his head and out of reach, something his brain can’t put together. If TK recognizes the book.. if he picked it out..

He can’t finish the thought before he’s interrupted for the third time by TK, who is now the one looking sheepish for some reason, a lovely pink blush adorning his cheeks to go with the green of his eyes. One more thing that Carlos has become familiar with to an embarrassing degree considering how few times he’s actually seen them.

“So,” TK begins, looking briefly down and biting his lip, “I’m actually glad I ran into you. I was um-,” and now it’s TK’s turn to clear his throat before he continues: “Well I was wondering if uh- if- whether you were doing anything this Saturday?” He finishes, blinking back up at Carlos and smiling cutely, eyes sparkling, and looking, for the first time since Carlos met him, a tiny bit insecure.

[perfectlysunny02]

2024 was the best and worst year I’ve ever had. Let’s Recap.

January: Nothing happened in January.

February: I turned 22! Yay! I never thought I’d be older than 21 so this was a big deal to me.

March: We got Bucktommy, and I was already pretty alright on here from Buddie, but my blog grew even more.

April: Nothing really happened in April.

May: my mental health was becoming terrible.

June: I got promoted to SGT.

July: new neighbors moved in and they had a mariachi band at least once a week, several at one am. i finally figured out my financial aid and i was able to start getting ready for college. stopped being friends with a person who later played the victim so hard like it was the fiddle and im so much happier. no one is hitting on my SO, or trying to steal my work every day!

august: i’m not gonna lie. this month kicked my ass. i tried to commit suicide. i met so many new friends. i went to see glass animals, started therapy, started meds, lost like ten pounds. started school, moved away.

september: i filed for divorce. it’s still very unclear if im happy about it or happy in general. but i no longer woke up and wanted to throw up. so progress. i also became so close to @cafe-con-letty ❤️

october: i hung out with my friends a lot. and went to halloween parties.

november: i cut off tons of people following the election. bucktommy broke up. i stopped being friends with the crew, but especially two members in particular, because it turns out, i don’t like bullying children, i don’t like people who say inconsiderate things, and i don’t like people who invalidate my feelings. i also saw taylor swift and it was so good.

december: i finished my first semester, and let’s just say i’ve learned a lot. i haven’t managed to take off my wedding ring just yet, but new year new beginnings. it’ll be okay, i’ll be okay.

and as always, thankful for

@diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @tommykinard @bidisasterevankinard @cafe-con-letty

@lfjho @laundryandtaxesworld @kinkykinard @livelaughbuck @exhaustedpirate

@geniusjester @mintedwitcher @notacyborg @whentheresidentsareevil @babygirltommykinard

@swagmaster9k @sweaters-and-silly @hyperfocusthusly @loulou-land

@shyaudacity @dearqueend @quintessenceofdust88 @bibibibuckleykinard

I hope you guys have a good holiday and the best next year.

all my love,

Sunny

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

vii. all of my enemies started out friends

— the one where you get the sense you've been betrayed.

warnings: death threats, foul language, a panic attack. 2.7k words. (+written articles) not proofread whoops.

masterlist ✢ next

By Alana Blake

WELL, all of our doubts have been cleared, here is the reason as to why our ex favorite couple called it quits months ago. Thank you to our anonymous source for spilling the tea!

First things first, let's not lie to ourselves, we all thought it had been Aidan Kim who had finally dumped y/n's ass for good. But as it turns out, he wanted to keep her forever? Aidan, boy...

Anyway, one night in February (ehem Valentine's Day, so cliché) he dropped down on one knee, popped the question with a beautiful Tiffany's ring and... Y/N SAID NO! Insert gasps here.

Without a good enough reason to justify her denial, y/n immediately ran to the opposite coast, where she currently resides with best friend, beauty guru and influencer Victoria Presley.

RELATED: Victoria Presley inaugurates first 'Presley Beauty' store in Beverly Hills.

Our source also confirmed y/n's blooming romance with Formula 1 pilot, Charles Leclerc.

"They are seeing each other, yes," the source said, "y/n doesn't want to call it a 'thing' since she's probably going to get bored of the poor guy.''

Well, there you have it. It looks like y/n's only talent is being a maneater. Somebody warn Charles Leclerc he's just piece of meat in the eyes of y/n!

SEE ALSO:

→ Victoria Presley attends the Monaco Grand Prix.

→ y/n y/ln reportedly auditioned for 'The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes'

→ Aidan Kim is currently recording his first solo album.

𝙂𝙊𝙏 𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙊 𝙎𝘼𝙔? 𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝘼 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙏 𝘽𝙀𝙇𝙊𝙒!

You're seeing the top comments.

Anonymous – 4 hr ago

If I ever see y/n on the street i will literally kill her

sk12z8io – 3 hr ago

I KNEW SHE NEVER DESERVED AIDAN

mickeyyy – 40 min ago

she fucking cheated you cannot convince me otherwise

chiqin– 10 min ago

oh she's vile, rejecting a marriage proposal and getting together with another dude two months later? TRASH.

Anonymous – 10 min ago

I want to know who the source is and why are they speaking until now

WHO would have thought? y/n y/ln the "Queen of RomComs" where cheating is basically a Deadly Sin, is in fact, a cheater!

The news about y/n rejecting Aidan Kim's marriage proposal came out only a few hours ago via Inside Out, and while they claim y/n didn't have a good enough reason not to get engaged to Kim, we believe quite the opposite.

Having a side-piece is a perfectly good reason, actually. Sources, who wished to remain anonymous, confirmed that at the time of the proposal, y/n was already seeing Monegasque pilot Charles Leclerc, but they had been able to keep it a secret until Elix contract made y/n start showing up at Grand Prix.

Although the information spreading around is still unclear, we can be sure of two things: Aidan Kim dodged a bullet and y/n is probably the worst person on Earth.

#Y/NIsOverParty

June 3rd Barcelona, Spain.

You're sitting with Charles and Carlos when you get the first ping on your phone. You don't give it much thought, Mildred told you she'd send you two script excerpts she wanted you to practice for an audition video, plus your phone doesn't even really stop ringing.

Spain has been fun so far, you have been around both Carlos and Charles around a lot lately. Carlos is always keen on dropping facts about his country and you got, just like with Charles, his special edition Ferrari merch. This time you wear it, because fuck fashion podcasts.

Charles doesn't let this slip, feigning annoyance that you prefer to wear a Spain cap than a Monaco one, and telling you he will in fact take it personally. But he doesn't, of course, he's thrilled you're more comfortable around both of them. Enough to join them for dinner yesterday and today.

The Ferrari boys are talking about FP3 and how Qualifying might go later. They've done pretty well this weekend, and you're hoping Carlos will end the Grand Prix on the podium like Charles did last week.

"Is that your phone?" Carlos asks, he's tried his best for the last few minutes to ignore the never-ending flow of notifications, even after you've silenced it, the vibration still makes him lose focus on the conversation.

"Sorry," you wince, knowing how annoying it is. "It's probably Vic."

"Everything okay?" Charles frowns, following your hands as you take your phone out of your pocket again to activate the Do Not Disturb.

"Yeah, I don't—"

Your sentence hangs in the air unfinished as you read the screen, the last notification comes from Matilde an 'are you okay? call me' text. And then your eyes slide to the BREAKING NEWS from People Magazine, whose notifs you forgot to deactivate. You don't even know why you have the app anymore.

The preview shows your picture, a red x on your face and the words 'Cheater Alert' capitalized and bold.

"y/n?" you see the motion of Carlos' hand from the corner of your eye, but by now, you're obsessively scrolling down the 150+ notifications on your phone. Texts, calls, e-mails, tweets, comments.

You stop in the INSIDE OUT EXCLUSIVE the moment your eyes catch the word 'ring'.

They know.

And if they know, everyone knows.

Charles pushes his chair back, making the half empty styrofoam cup of coffee you were drinking spill all over the table. "What's wrong?"

Aidan has told them. Aidan fucking Kim, petty and vengeful Aidan Kim has told them about the ring. Because he wants to bury you so far down, you'll never be able to claw your way out of the hole.

Who else could have been? You told no one. Not a soul. How can a person not even tell their parents that she got a marriage offer and said no immediately, right before hopping on a plane to the other side of the country?

But cheating? Where the fuck did that come from? He's even lying now. Because he hates you, of course he hates you. Aidan Kim is not used to humilliation and that's what you did when you rejected him. And although it was an unspoken accord that you wouldn't tell anyone about it, he has done so, because what is better for his upcoming album than being the heartbroken artist with the bitch for an ex.

People are going to write 'It's your loss y/n!' with their proof of streaming for a retweet from Aidan's account, managed by a 34-year-old guy who can't stand Aidan's fans on a normal basis.

"I– I have to–" your mouth is dry, tongue thick and heavy, and you feel the cold shower of anxiety from your nape to your tailbone. This can't be happening.

And you don't know what you have to do. Call Mildred and Walter? Ask them what the fuck is going on over there and start an actual damage control PR thing? It's too late for that.

"What can we do?" Carlos questions this time, worry flows in his voice at the change in your semblance. "What can we do for you?"

You're scared, because people have talked shit endlessly for weeks thinking it had been Aidan who dumped you, changing the narrative, twisting it time and time again.

They have suspected you broke up with Aidan, they have dragged you through the mud, called you heartless for getting over him so quickly. Paired you up with Charles and called you both problematic for breathing around each other and being friends.

And they might have forgiven you eventually, but not if you actually broke Aidan Kim's heart and burned down his dream of a house, a marriage and a happy family. And by cheating.

He's lying, but who would believe you?

Your already agonizing career is never coming out of this. And at this point, maybe acting seems irrelevant compared to the way people are going to treat you from now on. No one forgets a woman who humiliates a man so publicly. She doesn't deserve to be forgiven, not when she's such a bitch.

"I can't breathe," you wheeze, clutching your hand against the fabric of your shirt. Your hands are prickling, and your brain is fogged, foreign. "I can't breathe."

Neither man touches you as you lean down, hands on your knees, shutting your eyes so hard you think your eyeballs might explode.

You feel one of the boys move, but you don't open your eyes to see who left. Your priority is getting air into your lungs, and you can't seem to do even just that.

"y/n," Charles is the one who stayed, and despite speaking slowly, you recognize the underlying panic there. "I'm going to touch you, okay?"

Your only response is a strangled noise as you breathe through your mouth.

Charles runs his hand down your back, you can feel his rings and the heat of his palm. “Try to breathe through your nose, y/n.”

He feels stupid for saying it, but it’s the only advice he sees fit. Carlos left to look for the medical staff that Ferrari takes with them everywhere.

You squeeze your thighs with your hands and again take a gasp of air. “I can’t. Help me, I can’t.”

Charles makes you straighten up by grabbing your shoulders gently. “Please try. You’re speaking you can breathe.”

You breathe through your nose, but it isn’t enough to relieve the pressure on your chest.

Carlos comes back just when you feel like you will pass out. And you let the medical staff lead you away, leaving both your friends behind, worried sick and wondering what could have possibly triggered you like that.

You're still lying in the gurney after Qualifying is done. The medical team doesn't let you watch it, you should not be subjected to strong emotions right now. The thing is, the strong emotions haven't even started. You need to talk to your team, and you want to talk to Aidan. You've only heard from him twice since your breakup in February, the last time three days ago when he texted you 'out of SoHo'.

In all honesty, you're not certain you'll be able to hold a conversation with him without telling him to go fuck himself or having another panic attack. But you must know the reasoning behind his actions, no matter how stupid it is. How angrier it will make you. You want to understand why the person that once loved you is stabbing you in the back like this.

You're free to go an hour later, and it's some kind of miracle that you're relieved of your Elix duties. Maybe it has to do with the disaster that Ferrari's Quali was, in contrast to the Free Practices. No one wants to make things worse, or have pictures to remember it.

By the time you're back in your hotel room, Aidan's campaign has been transported to Youtube. And it's only 10 am in Los Angeles.

FROM AIDAN KIM’S YOUTUBE CHANNEL “STATEMENT ON RECENT NEWS”

You are looking at the top comments.

star5dan he had to find out he got cheated on thanks to People? fuck

flowerbedkim I'm not even joking, i will end y/n

dropbeats1 it takes a lot of courage to propose, y/n is def a bitch

stardomyn you knew y/n for years and you can't defend her? she is obviously not a cheater.

aidanyn this keeps getting worse i can't pick a side😭

You read the articles sitting in your bed. Legs crossed and back curved, with your shoulders slumping forward. It's like you have the whole weight of the world back in them, and you're not even sure you're strong enough to carry it anymore.

Did you really not have a good enough reason to say no? Not having a good reason to say yes should be enough, at least that's the way you think about it.

But you had many, many reasons. Some you'd denied yourself to even think about before he pulled the ring out of his pocket.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, you knew that. You know that. But how long can you stay in an all time low?

Maybe you lied to yourself saying Aidan had never hinted marriage was in his plans. He mentioned it in interviews, and in casual conversations with other people. He would tell you that “in the future” you’d have to reconsider being an actress. That you should really think about the roles you wanted to take on so they didn’t haunt you (and you hypothetical children) in the future.

Aidan would drop comments about how you should stick to the easy parts of acting, making the same movies, for example. How you should behave a certain way and shut your mouth in specific occasions.

How you had to change yourself to fit into what he wanted.

And you did. Because at first, it wasn’t that he wanted you to change for him. He made you think he wanted you to change for your own good.

And that night in February, you realized you were scared. The thought of spending the rest of your life like that terrified you. So you ran, and that was really the bravest thing you could have done.

And the bravest thing you can do now is stand up to him. Because he cannot keep on stepping on you and destroying what you built for yourself.

"Hello?"

You're shocked he actually picks up your call but you can't back down now.

"What the fuck, Aidan?" you try not to raise your voice, you do your best to help the strain that comes from not crying. You're furious, not sad, but you know Aidan won't recognize the difference. "What the fuck is this whole circus you're putting up now?"

The way he chuckles makes you want to throw your phone across the room.

"Do you really think that was me?" he asks, changing his voice to a lower tone. "Do you think I willingly say the girl I invested three years of my life on said she didn't want to marry me?"

"Well who else could have been? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"It was not me, y/n! Jesus Christ I don't know how many people—"

"So it was your sister, that bitch?"

"Don't you call me sister a bitch ever again."

Well Mia Kim is a bitch. And she was for the whole three years you dated Aidan.

Starting with telling anyone who would listen that you were after Aidan for clout, even after you hooked her up with your acting instructor and helped her get a minor role in Outer Banks. Comments on your appearance, on your acting, and the way you Aidan and you got along. And the worst part was that every time you two saw each other she acted like she adored you.

"She is a bitch, Aidan, and this is something she would do out of spite! Also, cheating? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I don't put anything past you, y/n." Aidan chuckles again, it's sarcastic and bothersome.

"Fuck you, Aidan. We knew each other for years, and suddenly I'm the worst person on Earth?"

"Yeah, maybe you always were and whoever is letting people know is doing the world a huge favor."

Your skin isn't thick enough yet, and his words hit the way he intended.

"I'm glad people are eating you alive, y/n," he continues as your silence prolongs, you can't swallow the tears now. "It's what you deserve."

He hangs up before you can respond, and it doesn't matter anymore. There's nothing you can say to make him admit to his crimes, and he's happy. He's happy you're being torn down in such a vile way.

The phone inside your hotel room rings and you pick it up before being able to pull yourself together. The 'what?' that lashes out catches the woman downstairs off guard, and this is another thing you add to the list of things that make you the worst person on planet Earth.

"Someone is here for you, Miss y/ln," she says in an apologetic tone, "Mr. Leclerc?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak to you like that," you take a deep breath, and then process her words. "Leclerc?"

"Hmhmm," she hums, "Should I send him upstairs?"

The alarm clock next to the phone shows 19:57 in red and you remember you agreed to meet him and Carlos for dinner at seven thirty. You didn't even shower or changed.

"Uh– yeah, please do."

You splash cold water on your face and brush your teeth in the two minutes it takes him to get to your room.

Charles knows there's something wrong the moment you open the door, and it doesn't take a genius, really. But you wish he was oblivious to the way you look and the off-putting energy you give off.

"I'm sorry I'm late," you say making space for him to enter the mess of a room you have. "Is Carlos waiting downstairs?"

"He's at the restaurant already," Charles shrugs, it doesn't matter that you've made them both wait over twenty minutes. "Are you okay?"

You sit on your bed, letting him stand in the middle of the room, like a mannequin out of place. You have two options, lying to him, pushing everything under the rug and lookin for your purse to meet Carlos downstairs. Or tell the truth and burst out crying in front of him.

You don't like either.

So you stay silent, looking at patterns in the rug and trying to get your racing brain to come to a stop, if only to have a decent meal with the two guys that saw you panic hours ago.

Charles sits down next to you, the mattress gives to his side, sinking. "Do you want to talk about it?"

You eye his hand as he places it on top of the washed out knee of his jeans. The prominent veins and the three rings on his fingers. You remember the way it felt when he ran his hand down your back.

"I don't." you reply, taking your eyes back to his face. You wonder if he knows, just doesn't want to mortify you about it. That he's 'just a piece of meat' and a 'homewrecker'. You wonder if Carlos knows too.

"Do you still want to come downstairs?" Charles tilts his head, giving you a smile that lifts one corner of his mouth.

"Sure, let's do that," you get up from the bed smoothing your jeans down although there's nothing wrong with them, and regaining that self-consciousness that you didn't even change your clothes for dinner while Charles is looking like that in a clean white shirt. "Sorry for being late."

Charles lets you roam around the room looking for your purse for two minutes, still sitting on the edge of your bed, before speaking again. "We really like you, y/n. I really like you."

You snap out of your self-induced trance, pretending like you were checking you had everything you needed in your purse. "What?"

"Carlos and I really like you, and so does Matilde, and that friend of yours Victoria. You're not alone, I hope you know that."

He's seeing right through you again.

And the effort that took you to pull yourself together and the self-deprecating words that ran through your head to force yourself not to cry in front of him are all left behind, as you burst out crying.

You let Charles hold you, his right hand on the nape of your neck while the other soothes you the way it did earlier. He doesn't complain about the way your tears stain his shirt, and doesn't even make a sound as you sob.

And you stay like that for as long as you need to, although you haven't cried nearly enough. It has to suffice for now. Because you have to go back to L.A. and fix the mess Aidan created.

─── team principal radio: ❝i feel like i'm doing rowoon super dirty by having him as aidan kim, tbh. anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter! reblogs and comments/asks are highly appreacited, i'd love to know your thoughts!♡❞

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want to join the paddock club? click here!

[riddles-n-games]

That Night In Prague Rant

Let me start off by saying Hannah and Toby's story was amazing and heartbreaking, Libby and Nash were also sweet and supportive of one another, Xander is awesome at giving emotional depth to others even in the strange circumstance of tackling, and Secret Santa was quite literally a blast. But there's one story I haven't mentioned yet, have I? You know which one since it's the literal title to this rant/critique.

To get the basic pleasantries out of the way, I loved the promise ring scene, the way Jameson admires Avery lighting up and wanting to see the world through her eyes, the fact he wrote her postcards, and Avery's protectiveness of him. That's it. Great. Now we can get to the real stuff. My dear Jennifer Lynn Barnes, when you announced this book back in February during the month of romance, I recall that this book promised to deliver on ROMANTIC stories and showing us how a Hawthorne man loves. Why the heck did you keep trying to insert every possible wink wink nudge nudge moment possible in Avery's POV then?

When she stated Avery was gonna have a POV again, I was excited but I wasn't sure if I should leap for joy. See, given how Averyjameson were portrayed in the last book, I was somewhat disappointed since I really wanted to see Avery through Jameson's eyes in a more romantic light. It was an eyeroll, unfortunately, and what a missed chance for a wedding dress ref in the race outfit scene since he gave her a promise ring.

However, people were saying, ah, it's Jameson, he's a teenage boy. And ok, I did bite my tongue after that because alright, that's just him (though I am still bitter about his lack of development in TBH), but that wasn't the case with Avery. She's my girl, I can always rely on her, right? Three books of build up with a pretty solid character voice made her who she became in TFG. Cool, I was ready to go back. And as I said so many times before, she gave Jameson depth which helped us see what so many did not and I loved how she didn't let him get away with certain things. She was sensible.

WTF was this then? This is not Avery Kylie Grambs. This is A Very Random Imposter (you come up with the anagram). Imagine my fricken surprise when out of nowhere Jameson As A Girl.

The crimes of the story: "after a lengthy and not quite G-rated negotiation" (WT actual F), "like his body wasn't tense in all the right ways", "smile of his made me want to do things", “I would let him demonstrate all the many, many reasons he had to be that smug", "His search had been... thorough" (????).

This sounds so cringey and unlike Avery. It felt like JLB was trying to force Max and Jameson and Rohan into her POV. Clearly after only two years of not being in her original character's POV and changing through 5 main characters (which was a horrible idea in the first place), she's managed to mish-mash her only properly developed character into sounding like another person.

The innuendos here are the worst I've seen. Avery has never been crass or sexually charged so why start that now? We already have characters that take on that route and now you're trying to ruin Avery with that? PUH-lease. Jameson was enough in TBH and now you're trying to ruin my girl? NO. Absolutely NOT. If JLB wanted to implement this in the og trilogy, then it should have been done earlier but no, Avery was never that girl and she shouldn't be now.

This isn't and cannot be listed as character growth in the slightest because if she sounded the same after a year in TFG post THL and also sounded like her normal self in Secret Santa which is in the same book as TNIP, there should be no reason why she sounds like this here. It ruins the continuation in her character POV which is something that at this point should be solid as stone. Not to mention, not everything works for everyone and that's ok. While I hate it, it makes more sense in Jameson's POV than hers. In Avery's POV, I cringe at it because it sounds so unnatural for her and feels like I'm looking at someone trying to fit into a crowd they just don't mesh with.

Three books solidified that. Why else did we fall in love with TIG in the first place? Partly because of who Avery was and who she became over the course of the trilogy. She stood out amongst the crowd. Did she have a similar way of thinking about puzzles like Jameson? Yes. Did she have a different approach to romance? Yes. Did she help Jamie become a more sensible guy? Yes! Was their flirty banter fun and interesting? Always. That's part of what made me love them so much in the first place but it shifted so suddenly that now they're sounding like Savannah and Rohan.

In October, when we had the preview of more chapters, I immediately noted this sounds like a very different Avery, either older or an alternate universe version of her. If she wants to do this with Rohannah, go ahead; they're a new budding romance so that has room for whatever she didn't use in other ones but leave Averyjameson as we've known them to be for three novels that solidified who they are. I know other romances should be given a chance, I never said that shouldn't be the case but if I'm being given the chance to see my favorite ship being in the spotlight, then do it right one last time. You have three books as your guideline.

Anyways, I'm dissatisfied so I will be doing a rewrite of TNIP since this is a shorter thing to take care of than a whole novel. Have a great day and thanks for reading. Fics will be out at some point, God, so much real life work to do.

[smokeweedeattherich]

I figured it's time I talk about my surgical transition experience. There's plenty of false narratives out there and I want to counter what I can with truth and personal experience.

The first procedure I received this year in late January was a transvaginal ovarian-hysterectomy. That means they cut out my uterus and ovaries (and the connecting fallopian tubes) without making any abdominal incisions (removed through the vagina). I'd had a consultation with the surgeon performing the operation a few months prior where we discussed any concerns and went over potential side effects as well as specifying I wanted my ovaries removed as well. When the day of the procedure came I went to the hospital, the nurses were really kind and I got to see the surgeon again one last time for any last minute concerns before I went into the surgical suite.

Waking up post surgery I was elated to learn the surgery had gone super smoothly, the surgeon said I'd lost less than a teaspoon of blood. I stayed in hospital for the remainder of the day and ended up going home around 9pm. They'd given me a pain meds prescription, and that kept things during recovery at a quiet 2-3 on the pain scale. Most of what I felt was a general soreness in the area, it was a lot like the sensation of period cramps. It took only 3 weeks before I felt pretty much 100% I still wasn't fully healed but by then there wasn't any pain, even slight.

Now I'm just nearing the end of my 2 month full recovery time and I'm clear to have penetrative sex. The worst part of the recovery I'd say was the basically instant menopause I had to go through for a while. The hot flashes were the worst, get a fan for yourself if you're planning on getting this procedure.

The end of February is when I got my second procedure, a double masectomy aka top surgery. Normally transition surgeries wouldn't be so close together in timeline but I had school starting in May but I couldn't emotionally afford to wait until the semester is over to get the surgery done. Additionally, political circumstances also lead to me making the decision to push up the date of my surgery, I was terrified that if I was to wait another year that it might be illegal by then.

Similar to the first operation, I'd had a consultation appointment several months prior that addressed any questions and concerns to help me decide if the procedure was right for me. I was way less nervous this time around because I'd already been through one surgery and had a better idea of what to expect in terms of pain and recovery.

The experience of check-in and preparation for the second surgery was pretty much the same as the first with one exception, I decided to forego the nipple grafts last minute (and I don't regret the decision. less risk of complication/infection, I wouldn't likely retain sensation, getting nipple tattoos instead gives me direct control over size and shape) so I had to meet with the surgeon beforehand the day of. My direct input was accommodated and my questions answered the day of, it was awesome.

I went under anesthesia feeling a sense of peace that I'd wake up feeling more like myself than I had since before puberty. I'm a month recovered now and I'm just so pleased with the results! The pain was so worth it!

Feel free to ask respectful questions about my experiences.

[roisinivy]

September is PCOS Awareness month. Last year I made a post including all of the common symptoms. As it's nearly a year since my diagnosis, I thought I would share my story of being diagnosed...

I started showing symptoms of having polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) when I was 14, in 2018. I went 9 months without a period, started growing body hair in places that are not considered 'normal' for women, gained a lot of weight, started getting very oily skin and acne.

When my mum queried this with a doctor, she was told I was just a teenager having an irregular phase and that no doctor would seriously look at a diagnosis for me until I was at least 16.

(what my mum didn't know is that I was being groomed and had been assaulted, which is when I developed binge eat disorder, which also accounted for the weight gain...)

By the time I had turned 16 in 2020, covid had put the uk into a second nation wide lockdown and completely ruined an already struggling NHS.

I didn't see a doctor about my PCOS until a month before I turned 19, due to all of the backlog.

My doctor ordered a blood test, and an ultrasound of my ovaries at a nearby hospital. The blood test was completed within a week, but it took me 6 weeks to get my first scan. I am still a virgin, and due to being sexually assaulted when I was younger, I was extremely nervous about having something in me and to have a nurse/doctor see me like that.

The external ultrasound was incredibly painful, having a bladder full of two liters of water pushing down onto you. The nurse couldn't get a good enough view, so I went to relive myself before having what would be my first of three ultrasounds.

The nurse took one look at my scan and confirmed I definitely had polycystic ovaries, she could also see I had ovulated. I knew I would be having my first period in 4 months in December of 2023. This was the last period I had, it was the worst I'd had in a very long time.

On my first scan, a large cyst was spotted, so I would need a second one due to the size of it.

It was roughly the size of a ping-pong ball. My ovaries are also swollen to about three times the size they should be.

By my second scan, it had disappeared. I had a third as a precaution, which was also clear of anything concerning.

I then started taking Cerelle birth control in February.

I have had two bartholin cysts (infection of the vagina), hives, extremely sore breasts on and off, nausea, low libido, acne, increased body weight, tiredness, rashes and so much more caused by my birth control...

But it's preventing me from having an increased risk of developing cancer when I'm older, masking my symptoms so that I can have a 'normal' life whilst living with PCOS.

Although I still grow a better beard than my 18 year old brothers thanks to the increase androgen lol

I don't know how long I'll stay on birth control, or if I'll have to use other treatments, but this is my PCOS journey so far.

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #7 | 11.02.23

And November is here! 💜 This month has been packed with work for all of us and a few of irl events like birthdays, family vacations and so on! We hope October has been a good month for y'all—we have made some progress on different areas, so let's jump right into it, shall we?

For the spooky month we had Kayden work on both the Halloween Special Ravenstar icon and an art piece of our dear Master Gael enjoying the festivities! I wanted to feature this piece in the devlog as we only posted it on Twitter—my fault! I came back from a trip with my parents last saturday so everything was a bit chaotic and I didn't schedule the tumblr post T_T But here it is! We hope you like it as much as we do!

And now for the actual progress of the game, Raquel has finished Amon's CG and has been working on Envy's (we are giving you this little sneak peek!). She's also getting ready to work on Gael's, and we estimate that as soon as Gael's is finished, we'll be able to open our itch.io page! I have also been working on the itch thumbnails, covers, etc! 💜

We have also started working on the concept art of the first secondary character you'll meet in the demo. They had a sprite already, but we have improved so much it didn't sit right with us to just use the old sprite. We are redoing their design for it to be more attractive and unique!

In previous devlogs we talked about having six supporting characters in the first demo, but that changed along with the script. Don't worry—you'll meet them eventually!

The programming department (me) has been working hard to finish the last few screens of the demo, those being the Extras screen, the Gallery selection screen, each LI's individual gallery, and the credits. I have also been testing how to unlock the CGs and adjusting a few more things. This month I'm confident I'll finish the last screen left and then there will only be a few adjustments left. We'll see, hehe. I like to remain positive! 💜

The demo script is officially done and being revised by Allie, our lovely editor! As of right now, they have finished reading the script for the first time and we have already talked about having a meeting to discuss some things. We are beyond excited! I have also sent the script to a few friends who are interested in the project to gather as much feedback as I can, so hopefully I can start coding the script really really soon! 💜

In this devlog, you can tell some departments are finishing their work! Writing and Programming are coming to an end, so I (Seyl) will most likely move to other areas that need help. We are still working hard to bring you the demo around February, but we'll see how things work out for us. There's still a feeew things to do, but we hope you are as happy with our progress as we are!

See you all very soon! Remember to rest, take care of yourselves, and remember that your best and your worst looks different every day! 💜

[sketchesandnonesense]

Kinda fucked up realizing that at the end of January it'll mark a full year I've been dealing with liver cancer.

2 years in general dealing with cancer, but I cant remember the precise day of my first diagnosis. Just that it was also around january/february.

The first time around was esophogeal cancer, technically. It was right on the borderline where my esophagus and stomach meet. "Late stage 2" they said.

Half my year was weeks full of radiation and weekly chemo days. Other half was getting my entire stomach removed along with that lower esophagus chunk to get rid of the tumor. Recovery was hell. Figuring out how to eat again was hell. Trying to get used to everything that'd been done to me was hell.

But I found normal again and the scans for afew months said I was cancer free.

Until they said they spotted something suspisious.

And then, January 31st they told me the biopsy results.

Cancer. Again.

More biopsies and tests and looking at options.

Back to going in for chemo days and feeling like shit for days on end. Already still beaten down from last time.

N this year's been kinda a roller coaster in the worst way. Every time things looked up, it all came back down hard.

Right now I'm on my 3rd different drug cocktail to see if it kills the cancer before it kills me.

First one was the most aggressive and miserable, i think, and I had to take home a chemo pump for a day that made it drag out how long I felt like total shit. It seemed to stop the growth for awhile on the scans. So it seemed worth it. Until it just. Stopped Working. The tumor had grown alittle more.

So onto the next one.

Second one I had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs so every chemo day I'd have to be put in a benadryl coma. Over time it got alittle more bearable with the immediate post-chemo-agony symptoms though. It actually worked stupid good for awhile there. First scans were really promising. The tumor was shrinking up.

And then it just. Also stopped working. My tumor hadnt shrunk at all between scans.

And worse: there were afew little "suspisious dots" peppering the inside of my liver that had been holding steady but were now growing.

And with how those drugs were fucking up my body, it wasn't worth putting me through it still with results that useless where its not being really contained.

So, i was off chemo entirely for abit while my docs figured out another treatment and whether insurance would cover.

I almost got into a medical trial they really thought looked promising and might help. Even so far as going to the clinic to see it and signing consent forms. Once they double checked my chart, though, and saw I literally didnt have a stomach though, they pulled away n decided I didnt qualify after all.

We'd even already scheduled my appointment days because we were so sure I was gonna do the trial.

Idk how they didnt see something That Important as a Disqualifier earlier, but what can ya do I guess.

They scanned me again before starting up chemo again. Seems in the time it took between drugs my tumor had pretty much grown back to original size. Back to square one. Plus the slowly encroaching New Spots.

N now I'm on my shiny new third drug. Second dose just yesterday. Day right after wasnt too bad last time, either, but I think once those really good Long Lasting "Don't Feel Like Death" drugs they gave me wore off I'm gonna be in a world of hurt.

I got 2 more doses, then we scan again.

And I don't know what I'll do if the results arent optimistic. Like. Even a "nothing has changed, its Contained" will work. Just anything.

Because I have only one other drug left to try if this one doesnt work. And my docs dont seem super confident in it. Though it also could be because its a pill and with No Stomach that makes things alot more complicated with oral medication.

After that?

I don't know.

I don't think any of us wanna talk about it much.

There's been the vague talk of finding other medical trials but nothing concrete.

Idk why I'm writing this, really. Just to get all my Cancer Lore down, maybe? Incase anyone's wanted to know.

My body's been totally destroyed by all this. I'm skin and bone but because I lost the weight so fast my skin doesnt Fit right anymore. And I think thats what fucks me up the worst. My clothes dont fit either, half the time. Even when it feels like I just bought some new pants that fit comfortably and then suddenly they're too big on me (or if I'm really lucky, too small).

Idk really how to end a post like this. I feel like I SHOULD be making some speech about Fighting and Not Giving Up or something optimistic.

But I just. Don't have it in me.

I dont really have some gloomy thoughts to dump either, though.

Today I just kinda feel numb. Atleast so far. The day is young.

I'm gonna try n figure out breakfast before I start feeling bad now lol

[andiwriteordie]

andi !! for my valentine’s day gift this year i am humbly requesting will helping teacher! mike decorate his classroom for valentine’s day <3 (+ bonus points if this is pre-relationship and they spend the whole time flirting before one of them works up the nerve to ask the other if they have any plans,,, slides this slowly across the table)

suni suni suni teacher!mike is so personal to me so thank you SO much for this. also will being flirty and mike getting flustered is also everything to me, so have some of that too.

—

3: abc, 123 (baby, you and me).

Mike Wheeler’s a pretty damn good teacher.

Alright, look. Here’s the thing: Mike knows he’s a damn good teacher. There’s a reason why he’s one of Principal Tennyson’s favorite teachers, despite the fact that he’s only been at Hawkins Elementary for about four years now. Being a kindergarten teacher is not for the faint of heart, especially when Mike teaches in a school district full of rich, snooty parents who think their kids deserve special treatment on a constant basis. 

But hey, somehow, Mike has managed to get through the last few years with very minimal complaints from said rich, snooty parents, and even better, he’s also managed to make genuine connections with his kids.

So, yeah. Mike’s a damn good teacher, and he’s not afraid to remind his boss of that when it comes time for his annual comp review.

But there is one thing that Mike absolutely sucks at in the realm of teaching.

Decorating his fucking classroom.

Ugh. Okay, so when you’re in college and preparing to be an elementary school teacher, they literally teach you how to make the cute bulletin boards and decorations and stuff, right? Yeah, well, Mike hated every single one of those presentations. Absolutely hated them. His worst grades in college were the stupid bulletin boards he had to make. 

The content was fine. The aesthetic? Yeah, not so much.

And unfortunately, some things never change, and even though Mike has been a teacher for the last four years of his life, he still can’t for the life of him figure out how to create an aesthetically pleasing classroom by himself for the life of him. For the longest time, his best friend, Max, would come over and help him kind of make the classroom look pretty. Max is no artist either though, even if she’s a little better at making things look nice than Mike is.

But then, this past December, Max just had to accept a new job and move across the country to be closer to the guy she’s been dating for a year or so now. Ugh. Traitor.

So, that’s exactly how Mike finds himself here, on fucking February 1st, at approximately 8 PM at night, desperately trying to redecorate his classroom for Valentine’s Day. 

In Mike’s defense, Valentine’s Day isn’t for another two weeks, thank you very much. But all the other teachers in the school have already decorated for Valentine’s Day, and if Mike gets one more stupid, passive aggressive comment from stupid fucking Brenda or her evil twin, Tammy, he’s gonna end up losing his job.

Ugh.

“Are you kidding me?” Mike groans, and he falls backwards onto the floor, letting the stupid pink construction paper heart fall onto his head. It’s rather ironic that he’s a kindergarten teacher and responsible for teaching twenty-five kids how to color inside the lines and cut paper properly and other stuff like that, since Mike didn’t even go to kindergarten and can’t cut in a straight line for shit.

The woes of being an “academically gifted” child.

Mike sighs heavily, and he closes his eyes, lying on the floor and questioning every single moment in his life that led him to this moment. Maybe he’s being overdramatic, but Mike doesn’t really care. Right now, he’s hungry, tired, and ready to go home. 

Teaching shouldn’t be this hard. Seriously. How is it that Mike can deal with little Riley Jones throwing up all over his brand new pair of shoes or Kimmy Harris screaming at the top of her lungs and picking a fight for the first month of this year, but somehow Mike can’t decorate his stupid fucking classroom? Why on God’s green earth is so bad at making things look nice—

“Mike?”

Mike flinches sharply, and he startles, sitting up quickly at sudden intrusion. Much to his surprise, Will Byers, of all people, is standing in his doorway, an amused (and admittedly adorable) smile on his face.

…

Okay, so look.

Here’s the thing.

Will Byers… is the new art teacher at Hawkins Elementary. Their old art teacher, Sandy, had retired at the end of the year, and though Will had been hired pretty early on into the school year, he’s only just started working at the school. 

And um… well… you see… Will is really, really good-looking.

Like really good-looking.

Quite possibly the most gorgeous and also the kindest person Mike has ever met in his life. 

For starters, Will has the prettiest eyes—a warm shade of hazel that looks green in certain lighting, Mike has noticed. His smile is pretty too—soft and sweet and perfect for his personality. He’s got fluffy, brown hair, and maybe Mike shouldn’t think this about his coworker for God’s sake, but he thinks he’d really like to run his hands through Will’s hair and pull him close and kiss him stupid and—

Ahem.

Um, yeah. So, that’s… that’s Will Byers. He’s great, and Mike has been meaning to get to know him more—not even necessarily in a romantic way. The two of them are some of the only male teachers at Hawkins Elementary, and they’re among the youngest here at this school. It makes sense that they’d become friends. 

Life’s just been absolutely crazy these past few weeks, so Mike unfortunately hasn’t gotten around to that.

“Will!” Mike exclaims, and he winces at the way his voice comes out as a little, panicked squeak. Warmth rises to Mike’s cheeks, and he offers a sheepish smile to his coworker. “Hey, um… what’re you still doing here?”

The smile on Will’s face grows, and he shrugs. “I could ask you the same thing,” he points out; then, his eyes flicker to the construction paper surrounding Mike. “I’m guessing you’re decorating your classroom though?”

“Ugh.” Mike scrunches his nose, picking up a few of the sad little paper hearts and letting them fall dramatically back onto the ground. “I’m trying to, at least. It’s going great, if you can’t tell.” 

A soft laugh escapes Will’s lips, and oh God, Mike’s heart does a little somersault. Will walks into Mike’s classroom, sitting down across from Mike, and he offers a smile. “Not a fan of arts and crafts, huh?” he guesses.

“Not all of us can be artists, Byers,” Mike replies easily, and a crooked grin forms on Will’s face. “I like every other part of teaching, but decorating my classroom? It makes me wonder why I didn’t just stick with being a Business major like my dad wanted.”

Again, Will just laughs, reaching for some of the construction paper on the ground. “I don’t know you very well yet,” he admits, “but you definitely don’t seem like the kind of person who’d enjoy working in business.”

A couple things stand out about Will’s response:

He says business the way that Mike’s kindergarteners say things like… homework or broccoli or other things that they hate, and Mike can’t help but grin. He’s liking Will more and more with each second that passes.

… Yet.

Will definitely said “yet,” and okay, Mike probably shouldn’t read too much into this, but also, he can’t help himself. His heart may or may not be pounding inside his chest, and his cheeks may or may not be burning up right now, and he may or may not be trying to stop smiling like a total idiot.

“I would’ve hated business,” Mike agrees, and he leans against his desk, scrunching his nose again at the mess of decorations sitting on the floor. “But at least businessmen don’t stay late at their jobs trying to decorate their offices for a stupid Hallmark holiday.”

“No, they just stay late at their jobs to crunch numbers and avoid their wives and children,” Will deadpans, and Mike just snorts. 

“Way to describe my dad in a nutshell,” Mike deadpans in return.

That playful grin returns to Will’s face, and he looks pleased at his ability to make Mike laugh. “Are you really planning on staying here until you have your entire classroom finished?” Will asks incredulously.

Mike winces, looking around at his classroom—which, admittedly… is about 10% decorated for Valentine’s Day. “Maybe,” he says, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean… I’ll probably end up coming back tomorrow and Sunday, but I wanted to finish as much of it as I can tonight.”

Will purses his lips, and he looks around the room again, a thoughtful look on his face. “You’re gonna need some help,” he decides, finally turning to Mike and smiling brightly. “And luckily for you… I’m pretty good at arts and crafts.”

Another playful smile—which most definitely makes Mike’s heart skip a beat and his stomach do a silly little somersault. “You don’t have to,” Mike reassures, though he really likes the idea of spending the entire weekend with Will Byers. “I’d feel bad making you help me out—”

“You could always make it up to me,” Will blurts out, and Mike just blinks.

For a moment, the two of the stare back at each other, and Mike watches as a rosy (and adorable) blush forms on Will’s face. He seems to register the fact that he just said that aloud, and Mike doesn’t really know Will Byers that well yet… 

But he gets the feeling that Will might just be as interested in Mike as Mike is in Will.

A slow smile forms on Mike’s own face. His cheeks are burning right now, and not for the first time, he feels like a kid with a kindergarten crush. “I could,” Mike says softly, meeting Will’s eyes. “What’d you have in mind?”

Though Will’s face most definitely gets redder, he smiles at Mike again, his eyes going soft. “Dinner, maybe,” he suggests, still playful and soft. “A movie, if you’re interested.”

The inside of Mike’s head feels like the movie Inside Out, with all of his emotions running around in a panicked, flustered mess, and okay, look, maybe it’s embarrassing to admit at the ancient age of twenty-four (almost twenty-five) years old, but Mike’s not sure he’s ever felt this giddy and excited around someone.

There’s just something about Will Byers—something incredibly special that makes Mike feel like this… this could be something real.

“I’m definitely interested,” Mike says with a smile of his own, and he gestures to the Valentine’s Day themed decorations around them. “Getting a headstart on Valentine’s Day, huh?”

“Something like that,” Will laughs, and his eyes crinkle when he smiles. Then, he sets the construction paper in his hands down and stands up. “Come on. Let’s grab dinner, then we can come back and knock out a couple of your bulletin boards.”

He holds his hand out to Mike, and Mike’s heart—stupid organ that it is—feels all fluttery again. He can’t help but smile again, and he takes Will’s hand, letting the other man help him up. 

“Dinner sounds like a good idea,” Mike agrees softly, feeling all too aware of how Will’s hand lingers in his for longer than it needs to. “You’re the best, you know that, right?”

An amused look forms on Will’s face as the two of them walk out of the classroom, and he glances back at Mike. “You don’t know me that well yet,” he says, a bit teasing.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re about to change that,” Mike retorts, just as playful, and Will just smiles.

“Yeah,” he agrees softly, “it’s a really good thing.”

For a moment, Will’s eyes linger on Mike’s own, and warmth rises to Mike’s cheeks again. The two of them stay there, out in the hallways of Hawkins Elementary, for what feels like a little eternity; then finally, Will clears his throat and glances away.

“I’m kinda craving pizza,” he suggests. “You cool with that?”

“Pizza sounds great,” Mike agrees, and Will smiles again, walking down the hallway. “I can drive us. I know a good place.”

“Perfect,” Will says softly, and he glances back at Mike one more time, a softness in his eyes.

The words go unspoken, but somehow, they don’t go unsaid.

It’s a date.

[proximacentaurib]

time to get perceived buddy boy 1,2,4,7,10,11,18,19,23

1. Song of the year?

Cylinder Four would be the obvious answer since it’s the song I rediscovered this year and kept on repeat while doing homework, but that’s a boring answer (even though it is the first song I ever remember resonating with me when I heard it in the background of some YouTube video when I was 12). Planetarium (Inside) by Alex G is a good representation of how I’ve been feeling for the past few months, if not years. Honorable nominees for song of the year, in no particular order, are Molchat Doma - Я Так Устал, Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely, Radiohead - Idioteque, Кино - Сказка, Molchat Doma - Волны, Luigi Archetti and Bo Wiget - Stück 22, and Порнофильмы - Уроки Любви

2. Album of the year?

Easy, Кино - Чёрный альбом, Disparition - Granicha, and Brian Eno - Ambient 4 (thank you for that recommendation)

4. Movie of the year?

I only remember watching like 5 movies this whole year so I don’t know. I Saw the TV Glow is the only one that stuck with me after watching, but I still don’t know how I feel about it

7. Favorite actor of the year?

You think I know any actors? But fine okay. You when you did that really long bit about James the forgotten teammate during that one tournament in March. You sounded so genuinely serious that I actually started feeling a little bad the longer it went on, as if there really was someone named James who I was not just ignoring but convincing everyone didn’t exist

10. Something that made you cry this year?

Here’s a complete list of every time I remember crying this year:

- the 2-3 tears I shed after bombing my physics midterm in February (I got a 45)

- when final grades came out in April and I saw I had a C in physics (lasted under 30 seconds)

- when I realized my cats had turned 10 years old and didn’t have long left to live

- I was going through something in August but I don’t think I ever actually cried that month because my worst moments were all around other people and god forbid anyone find out I have an inner life

- a couple conversations about deep topics scattered throughout this semester

- my mom asking me about finals last week

- my mom asking me about physics in September

- another few tears total, rarely more than 2-3 tears at a time, shed during various unimportant bouts of frustration in the past year

11. Something you want to do again next year?

HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE I WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS

18. A memorable meal this year?

Shem Bleedingsalt grilled cheese

19. What are you excited about for next year?

Strangely enough, astronomy lab, because I want to be up on the roof with a telescope at 4 AM, that sounds awesome. Also Molchat Doma concert, IC3PEAK concert (possibly), and the 3 symphony concerts I already have tickets to (forgot which ones though)

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

I don’t know, I don’t think there’s any message my past self could benefit from. “Don’t get your hopes up about academics”? “You logically know this already but your friends don’t hate you”? “Appreciate what you have” except I already did so there’s not much of a point in telling my past self that. If given the chance I would absolutely fix whatever I was doing from the ages of 14-17, but a year ago I was more or less the same as I am now

[andreabandrea]

last night i had a dream i was making this post about months so i had to make it real

january-- very solid month. i like cold weather and being able to take a night walk at 6 PM rather than 9 PM or later. i like how theres still a feeling of hope for the new year and people are still attempting to better themselves/follow resolutions.

february-- another banger. love valentines day (conceptually. i love pink and hearts and the concept of love. shaking my head to show i dont agree with consumerism) and same stuff about weather as january. february is also a short month, she knows not to overstay her welcome. but sometimes you get a special extra day on a leap year. keeps you on your toes.

march-- ehh. march is kind of like february and april's younger brother that kind of sucks. either a nothing month or one of the worst months you can have. ides of march or whatever but its kind of just the same 3 tumblr posts every year

april-- i like easter and the pastel colors and the chocolate (again) but the weather is either still nice or it's already like 80+ degrees and you have to just kill yourself.

may-- this one is good because it has my birthday and many friends' birthdays but that's the only thing holding it up. if i were god i would condense this one and june together just because it feels kind of redundant.

june-- pride is the only thing holding this otherwise shitty month up. see previous note. the weather is already hot and the mosquitoes will eat you alive.

july-- hell on earth. contains the worst day to be an american. if i could turn this month into a person i would beat them to death with my bare hands

august-- hell on earth part 2. this month secretly has 10,000 days in it. there is nothing good or fun that happens in august. at least 4th of july is considered a federal holiday so you might get a day off or an excuse to eat a burger or whatever but august has nothing. named after that roman dickhead too

september-- this one is barely better than august but i always cry with relief when it's september because august is over. labor day and 9/11 back to back combo.

october-- now this is a 9/10 month. in an ideal world you wouldnt have a single day over 60 degrees past october 1st. but whatever. your soul returns to your body in this month.

november-- also pretty good. thanksgiving has many issues and isnt everyones thing but its not fucking august.

december-- the undisputed king of months. do i even need to spell it out.

in conclusion when i become god the new calendar will look like this:

january (about 40 days), february, about 15 days of march and then that's it, april but we blotted out the sun, mayjune (20 days), september (11 days exactly), october, november, december, december part 2.

if you have any other opinion than me i will shriek extremely loudly so my precious ears cannot be sullied. thanks

[rezcowgirl]

We already know emails are evil and one of the worst parts of being alive. But when each one starts with "I hope you had a restful and restorative holiday!" and you, despite your best efforts, absolutely did not, it feels Extra Advanced Evil.

My only comfort is knowing my friends are also hungover. Two of them are also back to work today. HAH, I warned ya (I did not heed my own warning).

My hindsight is only about 20/50 at best.

I want to say thank you for all the love & support over the in-laws thing. It means a lot to me. ❤️ We had a good weekend with our chosen family, which beat back a lot of the hurt. I know it will come in waves, especially as the handfasting date gets closer. It's obviously going to be easier for me - there's no loss grief in me, just pure, unadulterated, murderous rage. I cannot pretend to feel anything other than hatred and relief that I don't have to hear his father's hideous voice again.

I'll put it to rest now. It will probably wake up again and again and again, but for now, I need to not think about it.

Saturday we went out with friends, and Sunday, we stayed in with friends. I said we'd just relax and drink wine, and boy did we. We polished off six bottles between the six of us, getting more and more reckless as the night went on, even with work looming over most of us. It was a good end, even if I feel rotten today. There was a point where I accepted that today was going to be rotten regardless, so what the fuck ever. Apparently, the sentiment was shared.

I honest to goodness usually only drink alcohol once a month or so, but this break was a lot. Too much. This is why people do dry January, right??

When I closed the door on my then mostly sobered-up friends last night, it meant the holidays were officially over. Phew. I can take down the tree and the cat can triumphantly reclaim that space.

We decided to leave the tree up for our old roommate who was visiting - her family is Ukrainian Orthodox, and she was really happy about it. Technically, it's Orthodox Christmas Tuesday (for those who still adhere to that calendar), but we said goodbye yesterday. I won't see her again for...I don't know how long.

I miss her so, so much. I have so many funny, fond stories about her. The loss of her in my daily life was immense, but I only realized how much she meant to me AFTER she moved away across the continent. Being roommates sucked (it was me. I sucked), but as soon as she left I was like "OW FUCK".

One of my favourite and funniest things about her is she used to be a fairly popular sex worker/porn maker and she suddenly evaporated from all platforms. Every now and then there are threads like "whatever happened to _______?" and there are rumors that she was doxxed or died or whatever other horrible thing. But nah chill. She married a doctor and is living her best life in New York. I'd never correct anyone - she's happy to be assumed dead. I definitely respect that.

We're really hoping to go visit them and some other friends in NY this year. Hard to say, though. I WANT to properly plan my year but: MY PLANNER IS STUCK IN MAIL LIMBO. I can't operate without it. I went to three different stores to try and find my 2025 Leuchtturm1917 planner, but they were sold out, so I had to order directly from their website. I think Tiktok might have done The Thing, and now lots of people want to have planners. Which is cool, I guess.

Except my life is in shambles.

But what DID come is a package from my parents containing the rest of my birthday gifts and a card that made me weepy. I usually only want consumables as gifts these days, but I will obviously always welcome handmade and Indig things.

~💖Just Treaty 4 Things💖~ (+ bonus Kinder Eggs. My beloved). THAT FUCKING BANNOCK PLUSH?!?!?!?!?! We are planning to go back to SK in June, but flights are very cheap for once in February and I'm tempted...

Anyway. This was my favourite addition to the tree this year. She's a showa-era angel, made in Japan in the 70s, from what I can tell. She was $3!!!! Plus, a photo of our classic crow tree topper and a thrush my friend felted for me. 🥺

[distilled-prose]

First week in March 1974 ...it was fifty years ago today...

Winter quarter 1974 at the University of Georgia started out bleak and held that attitude for almost eight weeks.  My class schedule included two labs, one being organic chemistry which was an open lab that required daily work all week long.  My days would start in the cold dark and typically ended the same way.  The sun had become a hypothetical concept for me.  It was as if the entirety of the University of Georgia campus had devolved into some dystopian nightmare.  Academically, it was to be the worst quarter of my college career.  But that’s not why it’s memorable.

My roommates and I lived just off campus.  While not excessively removed, it was not walking distance.  But my only transportation was a stripped down 1967 Matchless motorcycle.  On rainy days it was extremely uncomfortable.  On many mornings it was below freezing before dawn and the drive into school was not only uncomfortable, but also exceedingly treacherous.  The days slogged by, dreary, and unrelenting in desolate shades of gray.  It is tremendously difficult to describe the bleakness of it all. However, even with exams looming on the immediate horizon, at the very end of February, Spring ignored the calendar and turned up SEVERAL consecutive gloriously sunny days, days in the mid to high seventy-degree range.  It extended right into March.  The winter quarter darkness had been banished.  Life resumed.  Campus dress immediately took a turn for the better with this long anticipated, most delightful weather.  Everyone was relieved to put their coats away.

Coincidentally, at the same time, reports began filtering in about people in different parts of the country (mostly the south) running through public places without their clothes on. The news reports called it "streaking".  Even Paul Harvey, in his noon time update  ("Stand by for NEWS") mentioned it almost daily. It was like the manias described in medieval times.

Never a campus to be left behind, sightings of Streakers close to home began circulating.  Through classrooms, across quadrangles, through the cafeteria, everything was fair game.  It was all spread by word of mouth, as the internet and cell phones were still decades away.  Coupled with the warm days and evenings, the activity seemed ideally suited for our circumstances.

My roommate (law school) and I (pharmacy school) were visiting friends of ours (“the girls”) at their apartment in a toney part of town.  It was the first Tuesday of the month, March third, less than a week after the weather had gotten so wonderful.  Someone called one of the girls and said there was a streaking event currently in progress at Russel Hall, one of the girl’s high-rise dorms.  So, without much of any kind of delay, we headed right over to check it out.  As reported, there were streakers circling the building and students congregated all around it watching. They were sitting in the grass, enjoying the unseasonably warm evening.  It was well after dark, but jackets weren’t needed.  It must still have been in the low mid sixty-degree range.

Periodically someone would exit the emergency stairwell facing Baxter street and run completely around the building, re-entering where they had started.  While it didn’t seem odd at the time, all the streakers coming out of this girl’s dorm were male. My roommate and I went to check out the source of the excitement.  “The girls” made themselves comfortable on the lawn. There were about a dozen guys, no girls, at the bottom of the stairwell when we arrived.  Guys who were dressed were coming in and also leaving via this one exit door that opened to the side of the dorm facing the street.  The procedure for that night was explained to us by this one guy who seemed to be the major coordinator for this impromptu event. One person would be sent out after they had completely stripped down.  Another person also would be already stripped down and ready to go.  After forty-five seconds or so, maybe a minute, the second person would be sent out while the next person stripped down. The exit door was opened just a bit so the first person could return inside without delay after completing their loop and get dressed.  Although there was no rule (right word?) against it, nobody did a repeat run.  So the spectators had a fairly constant spectacle of new streakers every forty-five to sixty seconds.  Heaven forbid the spectators' interest was allowed to wane! My roommate and I decided to have a go, of course. After we finished our individual loops, got dressed, and came back out, we found our friends, and sat and watched as the night dreamily wore on.  The girls were disappointed they did not recognize us in our moments of glory.  But we didn’t volunteer for a repeat performance.  It was all pretty heady stuff for the mid-seventies!

The campus was ALL abuzz the next day from the previous evening’s escapades.  I’m certain there wasn’t much didactic learning going on that Wednesday.  I certainly don’t remember going to my open lab… By Wednesday early evening the word was out.  The University of Georgia was unofficially organizing to have the world’s largest streaking event on Thursday night, March fifth.  Details were quite fuzzy, but it was supposed to start at the Meyers quad, on the south campus.  I still can’t imagine how it was organized sans cell phones and emails.  But by the end of that day everyone was looking for details.  As Thursday developed, still without the focus on whatever academic major anyone THOUGHT they had, the plans became clear:  Gather at the Meyers Quad and be ready to run by 11 p.m.  The route was to be down Stanford Drive, past the stadium, and up into the Reed Quad.  People had started gathering by 10, and the quad at Meyers was absolutely packed.  One of “the girls” from our group was in the quad, not yet quite certain if she was going to run or not.  A guy asked her why she hadn’t taken her clothes off.  She deflected by asking him the same thing.  He said, “I DO have my clothes off!”  It was that crowded.  She ultimately decided to watch instead of participating. Right about 11 everyone started running.  The street was lined several deep with spectators all along the course.  There were students, of course, and faculty, townsfolk, little children, old people, campus police, city police.  It was quite the spectacle.  Guys streaking outnumbered the girls by about twenty to one, as I recall, and much to my roommate’s and my dismay.  The ending was extremely disorganized with folks wondering if they should put their clothes back on or not.  Some folks had not carried their clothes with them, having left them at the start of the event.  Some dorm residents were dancing naked in their windows in the various Reed Quad dorms. And I’m not certain who did the official counting, but the reports ended up claiming fifteen hundred streakers.  We’d set the record.  We entered the history books.  And I sit here tonight, fifty years later to the day, amazed it all could have happened. (The day of the event, in the UGA school newspaper, Brad McCall posted the cartoon you see below.  It was one of several he did during the build-up and immediate aftermath to that night.)

@goneahead @thelovelymazza6 @ends-2-beginnings @gorgeous-and-glamorous @littletornado @resistancekitty @frances17

[depressedhouseplant]

More Stats! More Stats!

Today we have some slightly different stats! The Top 10, Bottom 10, & Apocalypse AU entries as of yesterday afternoon.

My criteria were simple: straight up likes. If there was a tie then I’d go to reblogs to break the tie. However, there were no ties in the top 10. What I’ve learned over the past few months is if an entry is going to take off, it’s going to do it within the first 24 hours of being posted. So it’s not like I was necessarily being unfair to entries posted more recently. I’ll get a like or reblog here or there, but generally if an entry is going to succeed (whatever that means) it’ll do it relatively quickly.

The Top 10 JFW Entries (literally no one will be shocked by these results):

Felix Doting Boyfriend Y/N - posted January 26 - 136 likes

Yunho Best Man / Maid of Honor Y/N - posted January 24 - 76 likes

Ateez OT8 Valentine’s Day Y/N - posted February 14 - 63 likes

Wooyoung Next Door Neighbor Y/N - posted February 20 - 48 likes

Yunho Best Man / Maid of Honor Y/N pt 2 - posted February 1 - 43 likes

Yunho Royalty Y/N - posted March 7 - 42 likes

Yungi Youth - posted January 17 - 35 likes (the only M/M pairing to make the top 10)

Hyunjae Strangers at the Club Y/N - posted January 29 - 34 likes

Felix Doting Boyfriend Y/N pt 2 - posted February 5 - 32 likes (over 100 likes less than the first installment)

Juyeon / Aeri Hookup - posted April 24 - 25 likes

Most Popular Apocalypse AU Entry:

Part 4 - not coincidentally the only NSFW entry thus far

Least Popular Apocalypse AU Entry:

Parts 5, 7, 10, & 12 were all tied with only 2 likes & no reblogs. Part 5 is the official worst performer as it has the earliest posting date of the 4.

I also thought it would only be fair to include the bottom 10 entries as well. There were 23 entries tied with only 2 likes and even after weeding out for reblogs there were still 20 entries with 2 likes. I opted for oldest to newest to round out the bottom 10 and nothing that was bonus content for other works.

The Bottom 10 JFW Entries (read: go give these babies some love if you haven’t already):

Namgi Mirrors on the Ceiling - posted January 11 (my birthday you ungrateful heathens) - 0 likes

Jumil Oops Wrong Person - posted January 2 - 1 like (0 reblogs)

Chanlix FWB - posted January 4 - 1 like (0 reblogs)

Juric Just Talk to Me - posted January 7 - 1 like (2 reblogs)

Taegi Caught on Kiss Cam - posted January 8 - 2 likes (I’ll be honest, I wasn’t happy with how this one turned out. It was way better in my head)

SOPE Depression - posted January 25 - 2 likes (this one touches on a heavy subject so I’m not surprised it didn’t do well)

Bbangju Hooking Up with a World Famous Idol - posted February 11 - 2 likes (I thought Chanhee & Changmin were pretty funny here)

JiHope Hobi’s Birthday - posted February 17 - 2 likes (I admit this one was a bit disappointing because it had the potential for a great smutty entry but I didn’t have the energy at the time)

Yeonbin / Female OC - posted February 26 - 2 likes (This only bolsters my belief that female OCs are not a good bet if you want something to do well)

Eric & Jongho Grief - posted March 10 - 2 likes (This one also touches on a heavy subject so I’m also not surprised it didn’t do well)

Honorable Mention:

Sunwoo x Yeji / Yeji x Belle - posted May 10 - 2 likes at the time of this writing. (I’m guessing the F/F pairing was not a good choice. Sorry y’all)

I can’t say I necessarily learned anything new from these results, but more had things I already knew / suspected confirmed:

NSFW is more popular than SFW

Hotteoks (Yunho stans) are collectively the thirstiest, but Pixies (Felix stans) show up in larger numbers

Female OCs or F/F pairings are literary suicide

Y/N will always bring in readers

Sequels / continuations never do as well as the first entry / installment

But Emily I want more of (pairing / scenario / activity) that isn’t popular! Help!

Send in a request! You can either use the AMA function or DM me. There’s very few things I won’t write. I will get around to the Sunwoo / Wonyoung pt 2 that was requested multiple times, but it’s behind several other things in my mental queue right now.

Also don’t be a lurker! Like, reblog, comment, interact! I’m far more likely to prioritize requests from people who regularly interact with me. The AMA defaults to anon, but you can turn it off. Both @m-is-mickey & @theboredsquirrel can attest I don’t bite (and also will recognize you every chance I get because I love my interactive readers 💕).

Thank you to everyone who takes time out of their day to read my silly little stories. I hope it brings joy to your day whatever that day’s entry is. There are 234 days left in 2024 & here’s hoping I’ll get something for at least 100 of them 🤞🏻

[foxes-that-run]

High Infidelity

At 21-30 mins of the Broken Record podcast Aaron Dessner said High Infidelity and Would've, Could've, Should've were written and recorded in her house in L.A after the Haylor Grand Prix 2021 Grammy's. He also mentions The Great War and Hits Different.

High infidelity is about the affair covered in Reputation. Unlike Illicit Affairs, which is regretful, High Infidelity has no regrets, only Reputation era indignation at having dated Calvin Harris.

Like all good Haylor dalliances we are blessed with so many songs:

15 January 2015 - Walking in the Wind: Harry and Taylor last seen together - at a birthday party. In February she meets Calvin.

17 May 2015 - Woman / Exile - Tavis PDA at the BBMA's.

2 January 2016 - Now that we don't talk: Hendall PDA yachtgate.

15 February 2016 - Sweet Creature / I did something bad

22 February 2016 - Calvin writes Ole, shades Haylor & Hendall

29 April 2016 - High Infidelity: TIWYCF released. Day after Gigi's birthday. Taylor and Harry both in LA and MIA

2 May 2016 - Getaway Car - Met Gala where she meets Joe/TH.

Taylor played I did something bad with high Infidelity in the 29 April 2023 Eras show.

High Infidelity Lyrics

[Verse 1] Lock broken, slur spoken Wound open, game token I didn’t know you were keeping count Rain soaking, blind hoping You said I was freeloading I didn’t know you were keeping count

Taylor is feeling hurt by Calvin, like her trust is broken. He did interviews that she was on a break, they wouldn't work together when they already had and he took credit for her work.

[Chorus] High infidelity Put on your records and regret me I bent the truth too far tonight I was dancing around, dancing around it High infidelity Put on your headphones and burn my city Your picket fence is sharp as knives I was dancing around, dancing around it

Calvin was bitter when they seperated, he ranted on the internet about it. The picket fences sharp as knives is a wonderful lyric to tell that he was looking to settle down, but that she could not trust him because he was the worst.

[Refrain] Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

In the refrain is where we connect this to I did something bad. This is what you came for was released April 29, although Taylor had worn a jacket with the album cover on it to her only visit to Coachella the week before she was MIA on April 29.

She had been at Gigi Hadid's birthday the night before then disappeared till May 2. Harry was also in LA and also missing at that time. Based on the songs they both and Calvin Harris wrote it is implied that Harry and Taylor were MIA together.

I love 'chart the constellations' in his eyes, even when shes mad AF at Calvin she can't help compliment Harry.

[Verse 2] Storm coming, good husband Bad omen Dragged my feet right down the aisle At the house lonely, good money I’d pay if you’d just know me Seemed like the right thing at the time

Another reference that Taylor felt trapped by Calvin and that he was using her. It is interesting then that rather than being open about who the affair was at the time that she was extremely public about meeting TH at the met and wrote Getaway Car.

I think this could be for a few reasons, Harry and Taylor had been badly burned with publically dating so would have wanted to keep that secret. It also would have outed a longer affair, around 15 February until May 2. That is more substantial than in Getaway car, as reflected in how many Haylor tracks are on Reputation.

Also, it's not clear when she and Calvin really broke up, it was announced after the Met and he was upset throughout the summer. He also said he had been a beard. In the original Gorgeous lyrics said they hadn't seen each other for couple of months, which tracks.

[Refrain] You know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love The slowest way is never loving them enough Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

Here I also love the line of 'Brought me back to life' her self-confidence was so low dating Calvin that she no longer felt like herself. The Shakespeare reference is Sweet Creature is about an affair, but it is the nicest love song. I can see seeing Harry at that time 'brought her back to life' and got her to end it with CH.

[Post-Chorus] Oh, there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love And it’s never enough, it’s never enough [Outro] Lock broken, slur spoken Wound open, game token I didn’t know you were keeping count Rain soaking, blind hoping You said I was freeloading I didn’t know you were keeping count But, oh, you were keeping count

The final kick to Calvin comes with 'oh, you were keeping count' ouch.