#also cried listening to weight so jot that down
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biillys · 2 years ago
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BILLY WEEK → DAY TWO
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sensitive, abrasive, stab you in the face keep a blade, heaven sakes, had to raise the stakes
better days, follow me like the saddest song
brockhampton; love me for life
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rexismycopilot · 2 years ago
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TRYING THIS AGAIN PLEASE WORK
okay so bear with me on this idea bc it’s probably not gonna make sense but i really hope it does- so Anakins been staying home more often to test it out right? And one of the things he decides he’s gonna do is finally fix the finicky lock on the door of their laundry room. It locks from both the outside and inside but sometimes it gets sticky and obiwan is getting very tired of having almost been locked in, it’s also the kind of door that shuts on it’s own bc idk weight distribution and shit- anyway Obi’s at work and he’s working on the door with Artoo hanging out beside him. He’s got a screwdriver shoved under the door to keep it open bc the stand for it came off years ago according to Obi. Hes been making good progress until something gets stuck and he has to get up and sift through his toolbox for just the right thing. While he does, Artoo decides he’s very interested in that screwdriver sticking out from under the door. Anakins jot paying any attention bc hes too focused looking until he hears something clatter and turns only to realize too late that the door is swinging shut and Artoo is scampering out of the way into the hall leaving the door to slam shut with a deafening click of the lock and Anakins heart stops. Suddenly he’s 13 all over again getting shoved into the basement closet by Palpatine bc somehow something is his fault like it always is and now hes stuck in the dark room where the light doesn’t work, screaming his throat raw as Palpatine leaves the house and who knows when he’ll be back or when he’ll let Anakin out. He doesn’t even realize that hes banging on the door and screaming or choking on his tears. Distantly in his mind he knows he could probably somehow get the door open but hes too panicked to be able to and he can barely breathe in the stuffy room. He cries so hard he exhausts himself and he curls up on the floor sobbing and whimpering as Artoo scratches on the door from outside. It’s hours later when Obiwan gets home, calling out for Anakin until he see Artoo at his feet meowing insistently until Obiwan follows with a confused expression only to be led to the laundry room where Artoo paws and meows at the door. Obiwan frowns and unlocks the door after a bit of jiggling to find his darling boy curled up with tears down his face, hair in knots from where’s he’s pulled at it, and he’s still shaking. He manages to croak out obi’s name brokenly and Obi’s on him in seconds scooping him up and rushing him upstairs, after a long while Anakin explains what happened and Obiwan has never been more angry at a door or Artoo even though it’s not the kitties fault but he’s having a moment okay? Anyway this may have been me projecting my fear onto Anakin but OH WELL-
OH MY GOD!!
Locking people in closets is definitely a punishment that people have to endure. I just finished listening to Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking and that was apparently a punishment her mother had to endure. Which is pretty horrific, honestly.
ANYWAY. You were right that this is definitely an angsty ask. I have a feeling that once Anakin is out of the laundry room, he wants to comfort Artoo as well and Obi-Wan is just like "uh, he's the reason you were LOCKED IN THE CLOSET" But he's trying not to say that because you're right. He knows it's not Artoo's fault really, but Artoo put his boy into that situation and that is going to take some time to forgive.
Obi-Wan coming home to that! He would be so worried when he doesn't see Anakin right away and he's trying to get the door open 😭
Oh my heart...
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evienyx · 4 years ago
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DSMP Citizens POV 3: The L'Manburg Librarian
Got an ask requesting a dsmpsona, specifically from someone who wanted to see a part of this series with @thesmpisonfire and their dsmpsona. Luckily, I follow them, and so I'm well-prepared for this one. I took a bit of liberty with their canon deaths, so I hope that's all right. Mostly that they weren't blown up for the first one.
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DSMP Citizen POV Masterlist
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Everyone knew that the L'Manburg Revolution was a turning point for the server. It marked the first nation separate from the Admin's rule. The Revolution was a celebration when people reminisced in the streets of a freed L'Manburg.
Still, many people failed to remember that there had still been a war for that freedom.
Of course, those who fought in that war would never forget the blood that was shed, the lives that were lost for the sake of their freedom. Included in these numbers was the L'Manburg Librarian.
Also known as Des, the L'Manburg Librarian had been a part of the country since the beginning, joining the nation as soon as word of it reached their ears. Unlike some, the Librarian fought hard and true for the new country's independence, and when a sword was shoved through them as a splash potion of poison ate away at whatever was left of their life, they simply grinned and returned their enemy's blow with one of their own. Their dogs came to finish the job, and then sat with the Librarian as they sprawled back on the grass, watching the clouds pass by with the sun on their face and a smile on their lips until their body finally gave out and the server returned them to their bed, one life ticked off of their count.
The Librarian shuddered, steadied their trembling hands, grabbed their weapon, and sprinted back toward the battlefield.
When L'Manburg's independence was finally secured with VP Tommy's sacrifice of his discs, Des was sure that they cheered the loudest.
For a while, things were peaceful. Des was given confirmation to build a library up within the country, and people donated books or they would gather them themself, building up a collection that stretched to the ceiling.
When the Election arrived, the L'Manburg Librarian didn't care much for it until SWAG 2020's campaign was announced. Suddenly, then, there was weight to the election, and they weren't about to watch the country that they had died for go up in flames without them having a say in it. So, they listened to every debate there was, mulled over the campaigns and what each party promised. They were partial to Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit, of course. President Soot had led them in the revolution. He had build this country with his own two hands, surely he would know how to care for it.
Then, though, COCONUT 2020 announced their candidacy, with Fundy Soot and Niki Nihachu, who promised free cookies and ice cream for all should they be victorious, and Des abruptly knew exactly who they were voting for.
(And it wasn't President Soot.)
When the results came in, though, much to their chagrin, COCONUT 2020 hadn't won. In fact, they had been disqualified entirely for supposed hacking.
It was announced that POG 2020 had gotten the majority, and Des was satisfied, until the word 'coalition' left President Soot's mouth and everything seemed to come crashing down at once.
Des whirled around as ex-President Soot and ex-VP Tommy were forced to flee, the older giving one last shove to his right-hand man before falling to the ground. A moment later, Wilbur Soot disappeared, and a heavy feeling swept over the citizens of L'Manburg. The man who had built their country from the ground up, who had led them all to freedom, was now on his last life.
The L'Manburg Librarian swallowed, listened with clenched fists as the country that they had died for was renamed 'Manburg,' and then retreated to their library. At least they could find solace in their books.
Until, a week-and-a-half later, while Des was sorting their book collection on one of the lower shelves and stroking a cat at the same time, the door opened and in stepped President Schlatt.
"Mr. President," the L'Manburg Librarian said, inclining their head just a bit. After what had happened at the inauguration, they didn't really want to get on this guy's bad side.
"Librarian," Schlatt said, his voice hard. He took another step forward, and Des noticed then Secretary Underscore standing behind the president on one side. Vice President Quackity was nowhere to be seen.
"What can I help you with?"
"Cut the shit, already, I know what you are," Schlatt said, his voice dropping and eyes narrowing. The L'Manburg Librarian felt a pounding in their chest at his words, and leaned back despite the fact that he was not very close to them at all.
"What... What are you talking about?"
"You're a rebel," the president hissed.
"A what?"
"Oh, don't play dumb! You think I don't know what you're doing here in your little 'library,' spreading propaganda, telling lies to the people."
Des blinked. "These aren't lies, Mr. President. They're history books."
Eventually, it seemed as though as long as they stood their ground, they weren't getting banished anytime soon, which was nice.
(Their taxes were still increased, though, the same way that Niki Nihachu's were, and the L'Manburg Librarian didn't find that particularly fair in the slightest.)
Still, despite the whole thing with the taxes and constantly being accused of being a rebel (which Des totally would be, were they not so thoroughly entertained by the Manburg Cabinet), life in Manburg was all right. It was dreary, sure. Everyone seemed a bit downtrodden, everyone walked a bit quieter, their shoulders a bit more tense, but other than that, it was all right.
(The L'Manburg Librarian still cried when the flag went up in flames. They had been there when that flag was first hung. Now it was gone, like it had never even been there in the first place.)
(The number of visitors to their library increased after the burning for a few weeks, and the number of tears shed were enough that Des started just offering tissues at the door.)
(They understood, of course.)
(That was why they did what they did.)
After the execution of Secretary Underscore, one that the L'Manburg Librarian both hated to watch and couldn't look away from, jotting down every detail in a notebook before running as soon as Technoblade turned on the crowd, Des felt that there was more tension in the air than there had been before.
Then, one day, as they went for an evening walk through Manburg, they heard yelling coming from the White House. They ducked behind a pillar, and watched as Vice President Quackity jumped on the President and beat him to death.
"Holy fucking shit," Des breathed. Schlatt's body disappeared, Quackity fled from the scene, and the L'Manburg Librarian found themself a bit disappointed that most of the original Manburg Cabinet was gone. The drama would be drastically decreased, now, and that was one of the only reasons they stayed in this Prime-forsaken country to begin with.
During the war between Manburg and Pogtopia, Des joined up with the Pogtopia forces, if only because they had never been accused of being a rebel by having historically-accurate books when they were under the previous administration.
"Take that, Emperor Fuck-Face!" They exclaimed, laughing as they set fire to a Manburg flag.
"Language!" BadBoyHalo, the head of the Badlands, cried. The L'Manburg Librarian, fully done with everyone's shit and excited to have their country back, raised a middle finger to the sky and dashed back into battle.
They watched as TommyInnit passed the presidency to Wilbur Soot, who then passed it to Tubbo Underscore. Des grinned, wide and a bit manic, as the teenager gave a speech, promising to build the country back better, to heal from the wounds that the previous administration had caused.
Then, they all heard the hissing in the ground below them, and the crowd barely had a chance to run as the nation exploded around them.
The L'Manburg Librarian went at the Withers that Technoblade spawned with a ferocity that surprised both no one and everyone.
It didn't stop their library from being destroyed, though. Nor their house.
President Tubbo, though, gave them government-allocated funds to rebuild, and so they did. And maybe then some. Hey, if the government was paying for it, what was the harm?
Des grinned and wiped the sweat off their brow as they finally rebuilt their library in New L'Manburg. The first night, though, they dropped down the ladder from the second-floor to find someone sifting through their books.
"Uh, hello?"
The face turned to them, and it was that of President Soot. Who was dead. His body was grayed out, save for his bright-yellow sweater and the blue that was splattered across it, the same color leaking from his eyes, so dark that it was as if Des was looking into the void itself.
"Oh, hello!" President Soot said, with all the pep that he hadn't had in life. "What's your name?"
The Librarian was a bit taken aback. President Soot had always been rather supportive of the work that they did, collecting books and keeping tabs on the events that happened, so that future generations could read about the history of their nation. "Uh, I'm Des. Most people know me as the L'Manburg Librarian."
"Nice to meet you, Des the L'Manburg Librarian!" President Soot said. "I'm Ghostbur. You might have known me as Wilbur Soot, but I don't remember much about being Alivebur, so I couldn't really tell you anything."
"Oh. You're dead?"
"Yep!" And with that, the ghost went back to sorting through their books.
"Uh, sorry, the library is closed right now," Des said, moving forward to put a hand on the ghost's wrist. The skin was cold, and they were sure that if they put a bit more pressure, their hand would slide right through him.
"Oh, no, I'm just getting books to take back to my sewer!" Ghostbur said, as if his words weren't absolutely insane. "I'm making a library there. I want to collect all the books on the server, so that they're protected and the history can be read about for generations!"
The L'Manburg Librarian blinked. "There's no need for that. That's what I'm doing. I collect these books so that people can always learn about the country's history."
Ghostbur frowned, looking rather confused. "That's what I'm doing."
And so began one of the oddest competitions. Ghostbur would steal books from Des's library, Des would steal them right back. This went on for months until the day came that President Tubbo announced to the people of L'Manburg that their country had one day left to live.
"Technoblade, Dream, and Philza are all coming tomorrow to destroy our country," the teenage president said to the people gathered. "Get everything valuable, everything that you wouldn't want blown-up, all of your pets, all your friends and family, and evacuate. King Eret has graciously offered all of our people sanctuary. You may move everything to the land of the Greater SMP, where we have erected a temporary campsite for everyone to leave at." The president cleared his throat, and it hit the L'Manburg Librarian just how exhausted the teenager looked. "We are going to be trying to fight against them. Anyone who wishes to join us in the battle, may, but know that there are incredible risks. It is likely many of us will lose lives. We will do our best to keep our nation standing, strong and free." His words were broadcast through the communicators, and the whole of the country could hear them.
Des moved their pets to the Greater SMP that night, not wanting to take any risks. As they called their friends who lived in other nations to assist them in transporting the books from their library, Des did their best to reminisce on the good memories that they all had back before the L'Manburg elections.
"Des," their friends all said for what felt like the hundredth time, "We are not fighting for L'Manburg again. We have lost too much shit, and over half of us have lost a life, and we don't even live there anymore. That country is going to go down."
"Not if we fight for it!" The L'Manburg Librarian exclaimed. "Guys, c'mon! It stands for freedom! You remember how we fought for it in the Revolution! How we built it together!"
"Yeah," their friends said, deadpan. "And we died. Because of Dream. Who is coming with Technoblade, the Blood God, and Philza, the Angel of Death, to blow it down to bedrock."
"Whatever. I'm still going."
Their friends frowned. "Just... don't die, Des."
Des had never been the best at listening.
The next day, in the afternoon, with a grid of obsidian dropping TNT from the sky and more Withers than they could count soaring through the skies, the L'Manburg Librarian launched themself at Technoblade with a scream.
Before they could even reach him, a bomb from above fell on their head, exploding and launching them backward. Their ears ringing, spots dancing in their eyes, Des flew through the air, down, down, down into the crater below. They heard a crack through the ringing, and then everything was gone.
They sat up in their bed at the campsite once the server reclaimed their soul and brought them back, tears streaming down their face and hands shaking. They gasped on their breaths, and their face felt as if it was on fire. Their fingers ran over their skin and felt bumps, scars from the explosion that had rocketed them back into the crater. Des took a deep breath, dug their nails into their palms, grabbed their weapons, and set off back toward the battle.
When all was said and done, L'Manburg was gone. The nation that they had fought for, that twice they had died for, was nothing more than a hole in the ground. There was no rebuilding from this, and the L'Manburg Librarian knew this. They built up a cottage, technically on King Eret's land, moving their books and pets into the new home.
One day, about a week after Doomsday, they returned to the cottage to find King Eret there, standing outside of their door with one of his knights at his side.
"Hello," King Eret smiled, adjusting her sunglasses. "How are you, today?"
Des shrugged.
King Eret hummed. "Well," they said. "I was wondering what you were doing on my land?"
"I lived in L'Manburg," the Librarian said, their voice level, emotionless. They were rather drained. "Fought for it in the Revolution. Died for it. Twice. I... I didn't realize that this was your land. Sorry."
King Eret furrowed his eyebrows, face turning sympathetic. "I did many things to wrong L'Manburg," she said, hands moving to adjust her sunglasses. "Now, it's gone. The least I can do is help the people who used to live here." King Eret offered a soft smile. "Feel free to stay here as long as you like."
Des nodded, their throat a bit dry. King Eret inclined their head before turning to head up to the castle, the knight following close behind.
The Librarian stood there for a moment before pushing open the door to their cottage and stepping inside.
They adopted two more dogs, within the following few weeks, after seeing the animals on the street for a few days. Des focused in on caring for their pets, both old and new, helping both the animals and themself through the trauma that seemed to be a given with living on the Dream SMP server.
A bit after the destruction of L'Manburg, though, the Librarian was sitting in their home, stroking one of their dogs, when there was a sound from the other room, where their books were contained.
Des had learned to not take chances. They grabbed a splash potion of poison, one of harming, another of weakness, and their sword. The dogs followed them as they moved quietly toward the small library where their books were. They pushed open the door, saw someone standing in the shadows, hands reaching toward the books, and immediately threw all three potions.
The Librarian rushed in and slashed at the figure, who just barely managed to raise a shield and stop their blade.
"Leave," Des said. The dogs entered the room, flanking either side of them, growling at the intruder.
"I was hired to destroy everything that remains of L'Manburg," the figure said, and the Librarian recognized the voice as the mercenary, Punz.
"I don't care," they replied. "You are in my house, threatening my property."
The mercenary repeated what he had said.
"I am under the protection of King Eret," Des said, trying their luck at something that they weren't quite sure of the validity of. "And you are trespassing on their land. If you even touch these books, I will be forced to contact the authorities." The Librarian's hand tightened around the hilt of their sword. "And you best pray that they get here before I can finish with you."
Punz was still for a moment before slipping out the open window and disappearing. Des sighed, shoulders untensing just a bit, and they ran their fingers over the spines of their books before leading the dogs out of the room and closing the door.
The Librarian began to borrow money, after that, to build a new library, one with good security. King Eret allowed them to construct it next to the Museum, where the history of the server could all be in one place. In the process of borrowing the money, though, Des ended up accidentally falling into debt with Quackity, the old Vice President of L'Manburg and the current leader of Las Nevadas, a new power on the server.
"It's easy," Quackity said when he confronted them. "You owe me. You work for me, and that will repay your debt. If not, I might be forced to consider... other means."
The Librarian, though, knew what this man could do, and they nodded and took the job.
(Maybe, though, it was also because they wanted a purpose. They wanted something that made them feel the way they had when they lived in L'Manburg.
They wanted a nation that they could care about. They liked living on King Eret's land, but they didn't care about the Greater SMP. The library was still under construction, and would be for a while, especially in order to be secure enough to protect so much history. Des had nothing, at the moment.
And so, they moved their pets over to Las Nevadas in order to work off their debt.
And maybe they also did it because they wanted to start anew.
When they saw Wilbur Soot again, though, alive and well, with a shock of white in his hair, and when they saw Fundy Soot, walking at night in the woods with troubles on his lips and fear in his eyes, and when they saw Foolish, a god who helped others because he didn't want to face his own problems, and when they saw Charlie, a guy who definitely knew how to be a person, they realized something. This nation was for people who had nowhere else to go.
And now, with L'Manburg gone, with a library unfinished and land that wasn't even their own, Des the L'Manburg Librarian counted as just another person on the server with nothing left at all.)
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saylors-universe · 4 years ago
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All Hands on Deck, three
Rowaelin cruise trip AU
Masterlist here
word count: 5794
[Warning: explicatory language, references to sex]
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[This is an interactive story! I will include Authorʻs Notes throughout the chapters to inform you when to start a particular song that you can find here in the All Hands on Deck playlist (Also can be found on the masterlist). For the best experience, listen with headphones, AND FOLLOW ALONG WITH THE STORY. Please try to use your imagination when listening and reading - live through the words. Have fun :) - Saylor]
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DAY 2 - AT SEA - “Ping-Pong Competition from 12-3pm on the Sports Deck”
   Aelin wakes with a throbbing headache and a searing pain from the bright light seeping into the cabin from an unfamiliar, large window with an amazing view of the open ocean. Sheʻs never been good with hangovers but this one surely takes the cake of being the most painful. She reaches her arm across her bed, trying to find her phone to see how late it is, but her fingers get tangled in a messy mop of brown curls. Shit. Finally more awake and aware, she looks over to see a tanned, defined and toned back. Trying to assess more of the situation, she sits up and gazes around a large, more homey cabin, which she determined definitely was not hers. What the fuck did you do Aelin. She racks her brain, trying to compile a report of events from the previous night. 
   She recalls putting on her sexy, red party dress, which she located on the ground by the cabin door. She remembers drinking way too much, more than she normally allows herself. Why would I intentionally over do myself like that? Then like a brick to the head she remembers the reason, Rowan Whitethorn. Rowan had been there. Rowan was here. On this ship. In a band. What is he doing here? And what other poor decisions did she make last night in spite of his presence. Or on a more pressing note, who is this stranger lying next to her? She vaguely remembers a night of music, annoyingly loud shrieks, and many, many alcoholic beverages. She can recall dancing with Manon who replaced herself with a tan, attractive and very unfortunate bystander. A hazy memory resurfaces of her night dancing with this man, or to be more technical, dancing on him. She recalls passionate, drunk kisses, and a long make out session on the trip to his room behind the shipʻs bridge (command center). Brief moments of ecstasy and pleasure from the night with this stranger flash through her mind.
   Connecting the dots, she slowly slips out of the bed and looks around, and gathers her shoes and phone. She picks up her dress on the floor and slips into it in a much easier and faster manner than she had the previous night. She spots her key card under the bed, on the side of her one-night stand. As she reaches for it, he fusses and drearily opens his eyes. She quietly chokes as she really takes in the man. He was wildly attractive, his honey brown eyes matched his chestnut locks, now messy with bed head. 
“Hey you,” he greets, his voice heavy with sleep. His lips curl up in a mild grin, a grin that Aelin would have found completely adorable if she had known who he was and not been in this particular situation. 
“Hi.. um”
“Sam,” he offers.
“Hi, Sam. I, uh, I have to go meet my friends for breakfast, so uh, maybe Iʻll see you around, I donʻt know, Bye!” she spouts before rushing out the door. 
   After successfully making it to the elevators, she leans against the back wall and sighs deeply. She takes on the walk of shame, heels in hand, and travels down her hall suddenly feeling very small. She passes a family and a few other passengers and canʻt help having a paranoid feeling that everyone was staring at her. Making it to her room, she enters and is greeted by Manon, Lys, Aedion, and Elide all crowded in the room. Feeling their weighted gaze and curious looks she ignores them and face plants on her bed. 
“Fun night?” her cousin questions.
“Coffee first,” Aelin mumbles into her pillow. 
“Freshen up and weʻll go see if Emrys has any,” Elide advises. 
   Aelin mumbles something into the pillow that sounded like a defeated agreement. She reluctantly leaves the comfort of her bed and takes a much needed, warm shower, washing the residue of last night off. Once she felt clean and somewhat normal, she put on some comfortable grey sweatpants and a short, black cropped tank top. She styles her wet hair in a quick braid and reconvenes with her friends in the main cabin. The group makes the trip to the Lido deck and find some empty seats at the food bar. 
“Just in time my friends, we were just about to close up the omelette station,” the cheerful Emrys addresses the group. Luca goes through each person, jotting down their orders and finally gets to Aelin.
“Whatʻll it be milady?” the young chef asks. 
“Just coffee please, thanks Luca”
“You got it,” he returns with the coffee pot in hand, filling up the mug he placed in front of her. She pours a concerning amount of sugar into her coffee and when sheʻs satisfied she takes a few sips. A dirty moan escapes her mouth, finally extinguishing her hungover pains, the rest of her party, including Emrys and Luca just stare at her in question.
“What,” she asks innocently, “this is really good coffee,” she defends.
Aedion lifts his brow in questioning, “so what happened to you last night?”
The whole group stares her down in interrogation. She breaks under the pressure, “Really itʻs Manonʻs fault, she told me to go out and have a one-night stand,” she was aware that Aedion informed Lysandra about her breakup with Chaol, Manon probably spilled to Elide, “plus seeing Rowan last night was a shock, so I donʻt know okay, I freaked out, and I got drunk, and I slept with someone, okay? there it is.”
   After a few seconds of silence everyone bursts out laughing, one after another. Lysandra wipes her eyes, wet from crying with laughter.
“Finally,” she laughs again, “geez Aelin you were so wound up, we were all praying for you to get laid, we were just worried you got so wasted that you passed out and fell overboard or something.”
“So whoʻs the lucky guy?” Elide pries.
“I donʻt know, he said his name was Sam?”
“Sam Cortland?” Emrys interrupts, listening to the tea.
“I donʻt know, we didnʻt get to a last name basis, I donʻt even think he knows my name.”
“Brown hair, brown eyes, tanned, muscular, about ye high,” he puts his hand about six inches above his head.
“Yeah sounds about right”
Emrys and Luca share a look with each other and then break out in more laughs, nearly dropping to the floor in continuous giggles and labored breathing.
“My dear, you spent the night with THE Sam Cortland, a co-captain of the Ellywe Voyager,” Emrys finally reveals after calming down from his laughter high.
Her face goes pale, draining of all color, processing what she had done. 
“I slept with the fucking captain!,” she said a little too loud for nearby ears.
“One of them, Iʻm pretty sure he wasnʻt on call last night”
Everyone immediately falls into fits of laughter once again, which she did not find amusing or hilarious at all. Manon, who almost never shows emotions, could not contain her tears of laughter, nearly dying of her questionable cackling. Aelin zeroes in on her, brows furrowed, eyes glaring in a manner that would have terrified anyone else, but not Manon.
“Iʻm going to kill you.”
“Iʻd like to see you try babes,” Manon snickers even more.
As the rest of them finish up their breakfast Elide asks if they want to head to the music room and practice for tonightʻs show, and then if they have some time, hit the pool before their performance. They agree with the plan and get up to leave.
“Iʻll be there soon, I need to finish my coffee and process my existence for a little while longer,” Aelin jokes, just needing some time to collect her thoughts.
Noting her tone, Aedion hangs back for a couple seconds, “your not still sad about Chaol are you?”
“Oh god, Chaol. I forgot about that,” she did, she had successfully forgotten about him and their breakup. She had forgotten the pain he had caused her, it was replaced by confusion and emptiness, that was temporarily healed last night. “Iʻm good, really Aedion, I feel much better.”
“Youʻre sure?”
She nods and then hugs her protective cousin. He shuffles off and catches up with their friends, abandoning Aelin in Emrys and Lucaʻs warm company.
“So the captain huh..” Luca makes conversation.
“Ugh,” she cries and drops her head into her hands, which causes Luca to chuckle a little more as he wipes down the counters and continues cleaning up from their breakfast mess. He gathers the dishes and takes them to the back to wash with Emrys, leaving Aelin to her coffee and thoughts.
“Hey stranger,” a deep, firm voice called behind her.
Gods, oh gods no. She turns expecting to see the captain she had spent the night with but no, whatever higher powers there was, they definitely had a bone to pick with her. Instead of the brown eyed brunette acquaintance,  a tall, muscular and tanned man with flowy, silver locks and piercing, pine green eyes stood with a familiar, soft smile and dimple creasing his cheek. 
“Rowan,” she said sounding surprised, “Hi.” She offered him a hug that not only felt unnatural, but extremely awkward and he takes a seat at the bar stool next to her.
“I canʻt believe itʻs really you. Wow, how long has it been, what eight, nine years?” She knew exactly how long itʻs been; eight years, six months, and ten days since her heart was shattered and since they had last laid eyes on each other. She shouldn't know how long itʻs been but she did.
“Um yeah something like that,” he knew just as long as well, all the way down to the hour, but heʻd never tell her that, “I thought that was you I saw last night, you look... really great Aelin,” understatement of the century, he thought to himself. 
Her body betrays her and a soft, rosy blush appears on her cheeks.
“Thanks, you look great too,” ʻYou look great?ʻ you idiot, he looks so good, like sex personified, her eyes may have spent a little too long lingering his body when assessing him again.
“What are you doing here?” they both ask at the same time, then laughed.
“Iʻm in the band, playing for the cruise,” Rowan starts.
“Me too,” Aelin stammers, “well in the other one I guess.”
“Youʻre in Elideʻs band?”
“Mhm,” she nods, taking another sip of her now cold coffee, “youʻre in Lorcanʻs?”
“Yeah. Wow, small world.”
“Iʻll say,” then she chuckles, “you guyʻs were amazing last night,” she adds.
“Thanks, I hear you guys perform tonight, right? Iʻm looking forward to it”
“Yeah, speaking of that, I better head to practice, theyʻre expecting me,” she swiftly downs the rest of her coffee, yells to Emrys and Luca in the back thanking them for breakfast, then turns back to Rowan, “it was good seeing you.”
“Yeah, you too,” he lifts his arm, hand resting behind his neck, “Could I possibly see you again, sometime?” he asks, not realizing how the question would affect her.
“Maybe,” she promises and then flees off to the Promenade level, where Elide had informed her the music room was. She passes through the beautiful ballroom with the lonely grand piano, just begging to be played.
   After a few wrong turns, she makes it to the music room where her bandmates are nearly finished setting up. “I just ran into Rowan,” she confesses, struggling to slow her racing heart and short breaths. 
“You okay?” Elide comforts, swearing she had no idea her Rowan Whitethorn was the Rowan apart of Lorcanʻs band. 
“Yeah I think Iʻve just experienced enough shock and bad decisions for a lifetime,” she takes a few deep breaths and calms herself, “have you guys decided on the set for tonight?”
Lysandra answers, “we think so, we really want to show the guys up and go big tonight you know? So how about we open with Rooftop, go into All Stars, and ...” she plans their set and the rest of the girls agree, stoked for the energetic and fun show ahead. They prepare their instruments, Aelin with her bass, Elide and Lys with their guitars and Lys also on the keyboard, lastly Manon on drums and sound board. Queenʻs Court started as a rock alternative band but they learned other styles and adapted pop, and edm as well and incorporated the different styles within their writing. They played a few clean run throughs and felt satisfied for the show later that night. After practice they packed up their instruments and notified the staff they were ready to have their gear brought to the stage and set up, which they took care of.
---------------------------------------------------
NIGHT 2 - AT SEA - “Come check out the ʻQueenʻs Courtʻ Live on the Sky Deck at 7pm”
   Finishing their practice earlier than expected, the girls decided to return to their rooms and change into their swimsuits to dip in the pool before their show. Elide alerts everyone that she invited Lorcan so there would be a possibility of his friends joining, an addition Aelin didn't completely object too. She told herself that seeing Rowan again wouldn't be the worst thing, plus if the two bands were going to be sharing stage time, they might as well get to know each other.
   With the extra audience in mind, Aelin picks out her most flattering, vibrant green bikini that showed off her sculpted, sexy figure, not leaving much to imagination. Manon chose a pretty, black bandeau top and matching bikini bottoms. Aelin puts on a white, mesh bathing suit cover up mini-dress that only showed off the bikini more, and Manon a deep red, mesh skirt, tying the black and red ensemble together. Together they recite their self confidence mantra: I am Hot. I am Sexy. I am Badass. I am That Bitch. and they grab their keycards and head up to the pool to meet their friends.
   They run into Lysandra and Aedion on their way out and traveled to the Lido deck together. Sure enough, The Cadre had decided to join the Queenʻs Court on their little pool get together. The men she recalled from the show last night had already been in the pool, swimming and fooling around, when they had reached the deck. They had been the only people on the deck, everyone seemed to have been at dinner, a perk the bands have not taken advantage of yet. Lorcan and Elide who stayed in their corner of the pool, were the first to greet them. An unfairly attractive, shirtless and sculpted man with beautiful golden hair hops out of the pool and greets the newcomers.
“Ladies,” he acknowledges as he grabs his towel off an occupied sun tanning chair. “And bro,” he shakes Aedionʻs hand who takes it firmly.
“Please, call me Aedion.”
 “You got it, Iʻm Fenrys, and thatʻs Connal,” he points to the dark brunette man laying on the nearby tanning chair with his towel, who looks nearly identical to him, besides the hair. “And you beautiful ladies are?” They each go around introducing each other. After getting acquainted, Aelin looks at the pool and gasps at the sight of a shirtless, wet Rowan exiting the pool, water dripping down his muscular figure and defined abs and chest. 
“Rowan,” he introduces, “how you doing?”
Lysandra leans in to Aelin and whispers near her ear, “ Oh. My. Gods.”
Aelin wacks her arm, as if defending herself from being caught, and Lysandra just giggles and grabs Aedion to get in the pool. Rowan grabs his phone and syncs up with the pool deck speakers nearby and starts a playlist.
[A.N.] You can play “Temple” by Preston Hutto now if you want. I will not be following along with the lyrics, Rowan just plays this song and sets the vibe for their afternoon. Find playlist here.
   They managed to make it to the pool just in time for sunset. The entire sky lights up with beautiful hues of orange and pink. Manon and Aelin take base at the deck railing, watching the mesmerizing natural art. The activities director, Dorian, walks by, making last minute checks for the show.
“Hey you guys, beautiful isnʻt it,” he startles the two, taking their attention from the sky.
“Dorian, hi,” Manon says, a little higher than she normally talks.
   Understanding that they have already been acquainted, Aelin reaches out a hand for him to shake and introduces herself. She notices the two starting to hit it off, talking about some time they shared the previous night, and she takes the hint and excuses herself.
   She takes off her mesh cover dress, leaving it with her friendsʻ towels and belongings on a sun-tanning deck chair and struts to the pool, taking a seat on the pools edge and dips in her feet. Before too long, Rowan approaches, taking his place seated next to her.
“Hey you,” “Hey yourself,”
   As if no time had passed, the two click once again and try to catch up as best they could, starting with their band stories and recent events. Rowan, who was more private with his business than most, always felt completely comfortable and vulnerable with Aelin, exposing his deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. He shares with her his past, his experience dropping out of college and instead finding work in construction, where he reconnected with Lorcan and met Fenrys and Connal. He shares about his relationship with Lyria, how he was preparing to propose, when they had irresponsibly gotten into a severe car crash and she passed away. He admits to falling off the deep end, in a wave of depression and rage, a place Lorcan and his two other bandmates pulled him out of. He revealed how their music saved him and brought him out of a miserable, guilt-ridden existence. 
   As instinct, she lays a hand on his bicep and makes soft vertical motions, soothing and comforting him. She takes her turn, sharing how they organically came together through their roommates, one day discovering that they each were musically gifted and decided to combine their talents. She tells about her discovery her cheating ex boyfriend and her late night fiasco with the shipʻs captain. Rowan laughs about the captain situation but Aelin could see through the mask, and noticed a hint of displeasure. She takes a turn sharing her deep rooted feelings, feelings that she had not fully shown her friends. She shares how she had been feeling broken and empty in recent months after losing her parents to illness, she shares a similar story of how writing music had helped her deal with her feelings.
   Moving into the pool, where each couple held their own corner, Aelin and Rowan continued to share their stories, many of which were embarrassing, and got the other to laugh hysterically. What felt like no time at all, had actually been forever. Elide pointed out that they lost track of time, and had to be on stage in five minutes. The girls assembled and decided to just perform in their swimsuits, agreeing that it was just as provocative as what they probably would have prepared. 
After somewhat drying off, The Cadre boys + Dorian escort the Queenʻs Court girls + Aedion up to the Sky deck and backstage. 
...
“Donʻt set the bar too high, alright ladies, we guys still have to make a living somehow,” Fenrys teases. 
   Rowan takes his chance and pulls Aelin aside. “Break a leg out there,” he cheers for her. She just returns his wink from the former night, and he quite literally feels his heart skip a beat. 
   The shirtless, still mildly soaked, men find their place in the large audience, towering over many of the nearby fan girls who canʻt help but stare and gawk at them. While their attention was on them, his attention was solely on the blonde beauty in a green bikini. The beautiful women take the stage. The crowd roars and Rowan can feel the already wild energy from the group and itʻs fans. 
He watches like a hawk, as Aelin grabs the front microphone.
“Ellywe how are we feeling tonight,” the audience matches with loud screams and cheers, “really? thatʻs it? come on, I know you guys can get louder than that,” she baits the crowd. They accept the challenge and grow exponentially in volume. “Now thatʻs what I like to hear, Ellywe are you guys ready to party?” He thought it impossible, yet the audience got even louder in their joyful praises. “What do you think girls? I say we show Ellywe Voyager how we party in the Queenʻs Court,” more gleeful shrieks.
[A.N.] Play “Rooftop” by Skylar Stecker now, follow along, and let your imagination take you there. Find the playlist here.
   -   The house lights shine vibrant blues and reds all over the stage.   -
Manon (soundboard): BUM-DID-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
Aelin:       YE-AH!
   -   The crowd immediately matches the beat and starts dancing  -
Manon:   BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DAD-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM
Aelin:   YOU KNOW IʻM THROWINʻ IT UP          [HEY!]
          TO ALL MY GIRLS IN THE CITY             [WOO!]
          AND IF YOU ROLLINʻ WITH US          [HEY!]
          IT AINʻT GONNA BE PRETTY             [WOO!]
          WE ALWAYS KEEP IT ONE HUNDRED, HUNDRED          [HEY!]
              NO, WE NEVER GO ʻFITY             [WOO!]
            AND WE BE SHUTTINʻ IT DOWN          [HEY!]
              SO WHO COMINʻ WITH ME
       OH, SOMEONE KEEPINʻ IT LOUD
       LIVINʻ RIGHT HERE AND NOW
       AND IF YOU DONʻT KNOW, NOW, WHAT IʻM TALKINʻ ABOUT
     SAY, “OOOOOOOO-OOO-OOO-OO-OOO-OOOOOOOH”
       WE GONNA SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOP          [HEY!]
     ʻCAUSE WE WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW
       SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOP          [HEY!]
       IF YOU READY, COME ON, HERE WE GO
    SHOUT IT OUT WITH MEEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA
    THIS IS HOW ITʻS GOINʻ BEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA
   WE GET IT GOINʻ LIKE, “BUM-DED-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DID-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM
BUM-DED-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DID-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM”
           COME ON AND GET IT THE ZONE          [HEY!]
            WHY ARE YOU WAITINʻ?             [WOO!]
           AND IF YOU WANNA GO HOME          [HEY!]
            YOU BETTA WATCH WHAT YOU SAYINʻ             [WOO!]
           ʻCAUSE WE ONLY GONNA TURN THINGS UP, NOW          [HEY!]
            WEʻRE NEVER FADINʻ             [WOO!]
            AND IF YOU WANNA GET DOWN          [HEY!]
           IT AINʻT COMPLICATED
           AAYE-AAYE
        OH, SOMEONE KEEPINʻ IT LOUD
          LIVINʻ RIGHT HERE AND NOW
          AND IF YOU DONʻT KNOW, NOW, WHAT IʻM TALKINʻ ABOUT
         SAY, “OOOOOOOO-OOO-OOO-OO-OOO-OOOOOOOH”
          WE GONNA SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOP          [HEY!]
        ʻCAUSE WE WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW
      SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOP          [HEY!]
      IF YOU READY, COME ON, HERE WE GO
   SHOUT IT OUT WITH MEEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA
   THIS IS HOW ITʻS GOINʻ BEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA
  WE GET IT GOINʻ LIKE, “BUM-DED-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DID-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM
BUM-DED-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DID-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM”
          UP ON THE ROOF WHERE THE PARTY HOT
          TURNINʻ IT UP ʻTIL WE MAKE IT ROCK
          TWO TURN TABLES AND WEʻLL NEVAʻ STOP
         UP ON THE ROOF WHERE THE PARTY HOT
         TURNINʻ IT UP ʻTIL WE MAKE IT ROCK
         TWO TURN TABLES AND WEʻLL NEVAʻ STOP
      OOOOOH-OOOOOH-OOOOOOOH-OOOOOOOOOH
     WE GONNA SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOP          [HEY!]
    ʻCAUSE WE WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW
      SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOP          [HEY!]
      IF YOU READY, COME ON, HERE WE GO
   SHOUT IT OUT WITH MEEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA
   THIS IS HOW ITʻS GOINʻ BEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA-EEE-EEE-EEEA
  WE GET IT GOINʻ LIKE, “BUM-DED-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DID-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM
BUM-DED-DE-DUM-DID-DE-DUM-DA-DUM
BUM-DE-DI-DUM-DA-DE-DUM-BUM-MI-DID-DUM-BUDDA-DUM-DUMD-D-D-D-D-DUM”
   -   The crowd goes crazy and Rowan looks over to see Fenrys in complete awe, “I have never been so turned on,” he says which warrants a strong punch to the arm  -
[A.N.] Start “All Stars” by Martin Solveig and Alma now, follow along, and let your imagination work. Find playlist here.
  -  Elide opens and Rowan can feel Lorcanʻs beaming pride for his fiance  -
Elide:      [T-TURN ON]
             WE ALL STARS, WE ARE ONE
             WE LIGHT UP THE NIGHT LIKE A BLACK SUN
              WE ALL SHINE, WE ARE CHROME
              AND WE ARE SHIMMERING
              TURN ON, TURN ON               [T-TURN ON]
      - Aelin enters with the bass, and Rowan canʻt help but gawk in admiration, thoroughly impressed and blown away by her.     -
Elide:          PLAY IT LOUD, WE DONʻT CARE
                   AND DANCE LIKE THEREʻS NOBODY THERE
                   LIGHT UP THE NIGHT, YEAH
                  LIGHT IT UP EVERY NIGHT
                   ʻCAUSE WE ARE SHIMMERING
                   TURN ON, TURN ON.��       [T-TURN ON]
                    WE ALL STARS, WE ARE ONE
                    WE LIGHT UP THE NIGHT LIKE A BLACK SUN
                   WE ALL SHINE, WE ARE CHROME
                   AND WE ARE SHIMMERING 
                    COME ON, COME ON, YʻALL
   - The entire audience jumps in unison with the beat, itʻs a miracle the ship doesn't break and sink by the sheer force of everyones matter bouncing in sync. -
Elide:                   WE ALL STARS, WE ARE ONE
                       WE LIGHT UP THE NIGHT LIKE A BLACK SUN
                       WE ALL SHINE, WE ARE CHROME
                       AND WE ARE SHIMMERING
                      TURN ON, TURN ON.        [T-TURN ON]
                      WE KISS AND WE DONʻT TELL
                      SPIN LIKE A CAROUSEL
                      DONʻT LIKE IT? GO TO HELL
 Manon:               THIS IS OUR FAVORITE SONG
Elide:              LIGHTS ON EVERYBODY
                      WE PARTY LEGENDARY
                        HIGH ON SOUR AND FURY
                          TURN ON NOW
                       CALLING ALL STARS, COME ON 
                      CALLING ALL STARS, COME ON 
                      CALLING ALL STARS, COME ON 
   -    The beat rises in anticipation, preparing the audience to go ape shit.  -
Aelin:      “Ellywe I better see you fucking dance!”
Elide:              CALLING ALL STARS, COME ON 
    -   The crowd did not hold back, including Rowan and The Cadre. Everyone in the audience jumped and danced in a euphoric high, completely enraptured by the Queenʻs Court.   -
Elide:               WE ALL STARS, WE ARE ONE
                        CALLING ALL STARS. [STARS]
                        CALLING ALL STARS, COME ON
                      WE ALL SHINE, WE ARE CHROME
                      AND WE ARE SHIMMERING
                     TURN ON, TURN ON.        [T-TURN ON]
                     CALLING ALL STARS, COME ON
-   Their fans go absolutely feral, shouting with pleasure and cheering “Queenʻs Court, Queenʻs Court, Queenʻs Court!” Rowans sole focus takes the heart of the stage again and he canʻt quite explain what his body does in sight of her in her element, and in that green bikini.   -
[A.N.] Start “We Found Love” by Rihanna (feat. Calvin Harris) now, follow along, and live in the moment. Find playlist here.
 -   The music stars and the passengers on deck praise the idols on stage.   -
Aelin:           YELLOW DIAMONDS IN THE LIGHT
                     HOW WEʻRE STANDINʻ SIDE BY SIDE
                     AS YOUR SHADOW CROSSES MINE
                    WHAT IT TAKES TO COME ALIVE
                    ITʻS THE WAY IʻM FEELIN
                    I JUST CANʻT DENY
                   BUT IʻVE GOTTA LET IT GO
                    WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                    WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                    WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                   WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
  -  The beat rises again and just as the beat is about to drop Aelin screams, “Everybody fucking jump!” and they all obey, dancing together with the music. Rowan catches her attention and shares a quick wink again. She smiles, kisses her hand and blows him a kiss, a kiss he catches, brings to his heart and playfully falls back like heʻs been shot by cupidʻs bow.  -
Aelin:          SHINE A LIGHT THROUGH AN OPEN DOOR
                   NOT THE LIFE I WILL DIVIDE
                   TURN AWAY ʻCAUSE I NEED YOU MORE
                   FEEL THE HEARTBEAT IN MY MIND
-  Aelin plays with her hair and runs her hands over her body, an action that not only excites many in the crowd, but also does not go unnoticed by a silver haired, shirtless man in another band. Her gesture makes Rowan feel dirty, animalistic ways.   -
                   ITʻS THE WAY IʻM FEELIN
                   I JUST CANʻT DENY
                  BUT IʻVE GOTTA LET IT GO
                   WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                   WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                   WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                  WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
 -  The world slows around them and for a few brief moments, it is just Aelin and Rowan, eyes locked, souls conversing.    -
Aelin:         YELLOW DIAMONDS IN THE LIGHT                   
                 HOW WEʻRE STANDINʻ SIDE BY SIDE                 
                  AS YOUR SHADOW CROSSES MINE
                  WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                  WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                  WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                 WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
-     The beat builds, the energy growing stronger and wilder, the beat drops and the whole ship bobs with the sheer force of everyones dancing.
Aelin:           WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                    WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                     WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
                    WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
  -   The audience yell cries of joy.    -
[A.N.] Start “Canʻt Remember to Forget You” by Shakira and Rihanna now, follow along, and live it! Find playlist here.
Lysandra:       I LEFT A NOTE ON MY BEDPOST
                       SAID NOT TO REPEAT YESTERDAYʻS MISTAKES
                      WHAT I TEND TO DO WHEN IT COMES TO YOU
                       I SEE ONLY THE GOOD, SELECTIVE MEMORY
                      THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL, YEAH
                      YOU GOT A HOLD ON ME
                      I NEVER MET SOMEONE SO DIFFERENT
                     OH, HERE WE GO
                    YOUʻRE PART OF ME NOW, YOUʻRE PART OF ME
                    SO WHERE YOU GO, I FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW
                    OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH
                    I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
                   OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH
                   I KEEP FORGETTING I SHOULD LET YOU GO
                   BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME
                   THE ONLY MEMORY IS US KISSING IN THE MOONLIGHT
                   OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH
                    I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
                    I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
Aelin:          I GO BACK AGAIN, FALL OFF THE TRAIN
                    LAND IN HIS BED, REPEAT YESTERDAYʻS MISTAKES
                    WHAT IʻM TRYING TO SAY, IS NOT TO FORGET
                    YOU SEE ONLY THE GOOD, SELECTIVE MEMORY
                    THE WAY HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
                    THE WAY HE MAKES ME FEEL 
                    I NEVER SEEMED TO ACT TO STUPID
                    OH, HERE WE GO
                    HE A PART OF ME NOW, HE A PART OF ME
Lyssandra:     SO WHERE HE GOES, I [+Aelin] FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW
                   OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH
Aelin:          I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
                  OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH
Lysandra:     I KEEP FORGETTING I SHOULD LET YOU GO
Aelin:         BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME
                  THE ONLY MEMORY IS US KISSING IN THE MOONLIGHT
                  OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH
Lysandra:     I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
                  I ROB AND I KILL TO KEEP HIM WITH ME
                  I DO ANYTHING FOR THAT BOY
                  IʻD GIVE MY LAST DIME TO HOLD HIM TONIGHT
                  IʻD DO ANYTHING FOR THAT BOY
Aelin:         I ROB AND I KILL TO KEEP HIM WITH ME
                 I DO ANYTHING FOR THAT BOY
                 IʻD GIVE MY LAST DIME TO HOLD HIM TONIGHT
                 IʻD DO ANYTHING FOR THAT BOY
                   [OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH]
Aelin:         I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
                  [OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH]
Lysandra:    I KEEP FORGETTING I SHOULD LET YOU GO
                  BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME
                 THE ONLY MEMORY IS US KISSING IN THE MOONLIGHT
                  [OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH]
                 I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
Aelin:           BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME
                THE ONLY MEMORY IS US KISSING IN THE MOONLIGHT
                 [OH-OOH-OH-OH,OH-OOH-OH-OH]
Lysandra:   I CANʻT REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU
-   The crowd cheers and applauds.   -
Aelin:   “ Thank you so much Ellywe for having us! We are so stoked to be here. This last one is called Vacation, letʻs go out with a bang, WE LOVE YOU, Goodnight!”
[A.N.] Start “Vacation” by G.R.L. now, follow along, and yea you know what to do. Find playlist here.
Aelin:      WAS CRYING ALL NIGHT, I SLEPT UNTIL NOON
               I JUST WANNA LIE, MY LIVING ROOM
Elide:        I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT YOUʻRE NOT THE ONE
                 SO IʻLL JUST STAY HOME, WATCH VH1
Aelin:         MY GIRLFRIENDS KNOW WHAT TO DO
                  THEY KNOW WHAT TO SAY   
                  [Queenʻs Court : O-OH]
                  MY GIRLFRIENDS TO THE RESCUE
                  COME TAKE ME AWAY
Queenʻs Court:     IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                             IʻM GONNA LEAVE YOU BEHIND
                             IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                            IʻM GONNA LOSE MY MIND
                           WITH SOMEONE NEW, NEW
                           WITH SOMEONE NEW, NEW
                            WITH SOMEONE
Lysandra:       I SIT IN THE FRONT, ROLL DOWN THE WINDOWS
                      WHEN OUR SONG COMES ON THE RADIO
Manon:       I WONʻT FALL APART, I WONʻT SELF-DESTRUCT
                  NO IʻLL JUST REACH OUT AND TURN IT UP
Aelin:        MY GIRLFRIENDS KNOW WHAT TO DO
                  THEY KNOW WHAT TO SAY  
                    [Queenʻs Court : O-OH]
                    MY GIRLFRIENDS TO THE RESCUE
                   COME TAKE ME AWAY
Queenʻs Court:     IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                           IʻM GONNA LEAVE YOU BEHIND
                            IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                            IʻM GONNA LOSE MY MIND
                            WITH SOMEONE NEW, NEW
                            WITH SOMEONE NEW, NEW
                             WITH SOMEONE
-  the music settles letting everyone reminisce and bask in the energy .  -
Aelin:            YEAH
            LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.         
Manon:    [girls letʻs go]
Elide:     MY GIRLFRIENDS KNOW WHAT TO DO
              THEY KNOW WHAT TO SAY     [O-OH]
Lysandra:       MY GIRLFRIENDS TO THE RESCUE
                         COME TAKE ME AWAY
Queenʻs Court:      IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT 
                                [ Aelin:    ʻCAYTION TONIGHT  ]
                             IʻM GONNA LEAVE YOU BEHIND
                                [ Aelin:     YOU BEHIND  ]
                             IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                            IʻM GONNA LOSE MY MIND
                  [ Aelin:   IʻM GONNA LOSE MY MIND. TONIGHT.  ]
                           IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                         IʻM GONNA LEAVE YOU BEHIND
                       [ Aelin:    LEAVE  YOU BEHIND.  ]
                         IʻM ON VACATION TONIGHT
                        IʻM GONNA LOSE MY MIND
                    WITH SOMEONE NEW, WITH SOMEONE NEW
                       WITH SOMEONE NEW, NEW
                         WITH SOMEONE NEW
- The night closes with loud praises and cheers from the wild audience. -
-
All Hands on Deck taglist:
@smalltddygothgf @booksbqueen @underworldboxers @live-the-fangirl-life @booknerdproblems​ @rowaelinismyotp​ 
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Swollen. Loki x Reader
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Ask anyone to describe Loki and most would say something along the lines of cold, cunning, or wicked. If you asked Tony Stark the answer would quickly slip through his lips, without missing a beat. 
“Evil,” he would spit, not caring to elaborate on that opinion. 
Whoever it was you chose to ask, nobody would describe him as caring, or gentle. Which is why the events of this day brought a great deal of confusion but also warmth to Y/N’s life. 
-
“I am so sorry Y/N!” Bucky called from behind as Steve and Thor supported Y/N’s bruised and battered body. 
“Buck it’s fine, I promise,” she laughed, leaning into Thor as to avoid putting weight on her ankle. 
Bucky and she had been sparing, nothing new there, it was something they had done a million times before. However, this time, she must have lost focus for only a second, which meant when Bucky came hurtling towards her she was by no stretch of the imagination prepared to be thrown across the room by him. As she landed she heard a small snap under her, and when she tried to stand it became very apparent by the pain searing through her left leg that something was not quite right. 
“We’ll take you to Bruce, so he can x-ray you, see if anything is broken. If it is you are actually going to have to rest it Y/N,” Steve said sternly as he held her up with very little effort. “Not like when you broke your elbow and decided to go and train anyway even though you were told not to.”
“I was told to rest the arm, which I did in my defence. I was practising kickboxing, which would have been fine had I not slipped,” she laughed, earning a chuckle from both Thor and Bucky who was still following behind, feeling a little better about the situation now. Steve, however, was unimpressed but had no time to comment as they had finally reached Bruce’s lab. 
Much to everyone's surprise, Loki was standing with Bruce, watching as the scientist jotted down notes on some paper. Hearing the footsteps behind them, the pair turned, both looking concerned as they saw Y/N being essentially carried in by the two men. 
“What happened?” Loki asked quickly, noticing the slight twinge of pain in Y/N’s face as they tried to help her sit. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, it’s probably nothing, Bucky just threw me off a little harder than expected earlier and I landed on my foot a bit awkwardly, and well it made a weird snap noise and those three think I need an x-ray even though I’m sure its nothing,” she smiled, watching as Bruce scurried around the room, rolling out an x-ray machine. 
Looking around at the guys in the room she realised that Loki actually looked very concerned, and that concern grew, even more, when Bruce confirmed everyone's fear in this. 
“You’ve fractured your third and fourth metatarsal,” Bruce sighed, going to the medical supply cupboard in the lab (they never used to have a whole cupboard for medical supplies, but as Tony became more adventurous with his plans, the injuries he sustained were usually a bit more than a bandaid could deal with). “It’s not the worst fracture but it is going to be painful and swell a lot. You’re going to have to stay off that foot for a few weeks too, rest it. Here, this boot will help you move around a bit but I’d prefer it if you stayed off it for as much as possible.” 
“Seriously? We’re meant to be going on a mission tomorrow, I can’t miss it because of some stupid fracture.” 
-
Turns out when Steve is in charge of the mission, she can miss out. Even though she had tried very hard to sneak into the car to help them with the mission, Steve had found her, picked her and her luggage up and took her back into the compound. Protest as she might, Steve decided to just tune her out before rushing back out to head off on the mission. 
She would have usually run after him and the others but right now she was struggling to even stand. 
“Ugh fuck this shit,” she cried as she struggled to walk to the kitchen. Yes, she was capable but damn it fucking hurt when she tried to walk. The boot clearly did not fit at the moment, her foot was too swollen for it to be comfortable. 
She was very hungry and determined to get something to eat, but when she opened the cupboard she realised that anything she wanted to eat was out of reach, so she would have to go on a little climb in order to reach the snacks she wanted. 
“Y/N!” Loki shouted as he saw her attempting to climb onto the worktop to reach the desired snack when he entered the kitchen. “Don’t do that, you stupid human! You’re meant to be resting,” without much thought for it he picked her up, from the counter and carried her back over to the sofas in the living room. Plonking her down on the sofa with a soft thud he removed the boot on her foot and took it with him as he went to retrieve the snack she had wanted. “Your foot is far too swollen to be in this.” 
“Hey! Give me back my boot! I can’t walk without it!” 
“Exactly! I was there yesterday, Bruce told you only to use it if it was really necessary, so until such a time I will keep hold of the boot and be your legs while you rest,” he huffed, bringing back the snacks along with some drinks. 
“Why do you care? You're the god of lies and mischief, surely you of all people would understand that rules are made to broken,” she smirked. 
“I care because it's you, Y/N you're the only person in this whole world I don’t despise, so I need you in the best condition,” he stated plainly, as though this was something she already knew. 
“Didn’t realise that,” she muttered, a small blush creeping across her face. Loki had always been relatively pleasant to her, and thinking on it, in comparison to everyone else, she was the only person he was ever nice to. She hadn’t thought much about it until now, but the idea of being the only person he could tolerate was a rather wonderful feeling. “Thank you then, for tolerating me more than everyone else.” 
“You’re easy to tolerate,” he smiled. “Now, seeing as you are meant to keep off the foot, and I believe everyone else has disappeared on a mission, I will be your legs until the swelling goes down and you're able to walk properly with the boot.” 
Loki did just that. He became her legs while her foot was too swollen to fit into the boot. Everything she needed he brought to her, never leaving her side. He helped her shower (she wore her bikini so he could help), carried her to and from her bedroom, made her meals and drinks. Anything she needed, he was there to provide it. 
In the few days that passed, Y/N and Loki spent all their time together. Loki would read to Y/N as while she laid in his lap. Y/N showed Loki the wonders the world had to offer through documentaries like Planet Earth. 
When Y/N could finally walk again (still with the boot though), she found herself missing Loki. The time they had spent together had been unexpected, but wonderful. She found herself falling a little for the trickster god, and while she did not yet know it, he had felt the same for a very long time. 
She decided to buy Loki a gift as a thank you for taking care of her. It wasn’t anything major, if she had the ability to go for a full day out shopping it would probably be better, but she knew he would love it none the less. It was an illustrated version of The Hobbit (a book in which Loki had begun reading while he was looking after her. She wrapped it neatly in a beautiful emerald wrapping paper before making her way to Loki’s room. Knocking, she was quickly met with a happy looking Loki on the other side of the door. 
“Y/N,” he grinned, welcoming her in and urging her to take a seat. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” 
“I wanted to say thank you, for looking after me,” she smiled softly, handing him the green gift. “You didn’t have to look after me for as long as you did, you were so kind, I loved spending time with you, and I honestly can’t thank you enough so I got you a little something.” 
Opening the gift, a wide grin spread across his face. His hands run over the cover, feeling the art beneath them. 
“Y/N this is wonderful,” without really thinking, he leant down to give her a kiss, one which Y/N happily (a little surprised, however) responded too, her heart leaping in her chest when his hand softly held the side of her face. Pulling back, both had a soft blush on their cheeks, smiles wide across their faces. 
“You liked it that much, huh?” She giggled.
“Very much,” he said, kissing her once more. “Perhaps I could read some more to you now?” 
“I would love that.” 
Neither were quite sure where this would go, but right now both were happy in each other's arms, Y/N listening as Loki read of lands far from their own.
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etraytin · 5 years ago
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Quarantine, Day 60
Today's journal is later than usual again, but this time because I was playing Gardenscapes and listening to podfic and just completely lost track of time. Mother's Day is so great! I mean, my husband is very good about pulling a large amount of domestic weight in the household, especially considering he's the one with the full time job, but on Mother's Day, I get my breakfast in bed, and then I can basically do what I want during the day with no responsibilities. Even when we're not quarantined, that's usually some variant on "long bath, stay in pajamas, play games, read, eat terrible and delicious food." The guys cooked all the meals today and did all the chores. They are truly the best. 
Of course, when you are a mom and also have a mom, you do still have some duties on Mother's Day. MIL also got to enjoy three meals prepared by husband and kiddo, and we got her a sturdy ceramic mug with a knitted cozy, a tea strainer, and five sample-size teas from the tailgate market. Nothing big or fancy, but she liked it. My mom is far away and the logistics of shopping and mailing things is hard right now, but she likes homemade things better anyway. Since I don't currently have a WIP fanfic she is following, I had to get a little more creative and wrote her a poem instead. In my family and my home community, my mom is known as a poet of occasions, and will usually write some fun rhyming poetry for parties, big events, some holidays, etc. She loves rhyming poetry above all other kinds, although I have been able to convince her in recent years of the beauty of some nonrhyming poetic forms. I knew, though, that to make a poem she'd truly love, I'd have to make it rhyme. That is hard, especially when you're trying very hard not to write complete doggerel. I thought up the first few lines a few days ago and jotted notes down, but it wasn't until this morning that I actually managed to pound the entire thing out. Thank God for rhyming dictionaries! It turned out pretty well, and she definitely liked it, and she cried, so that was good. 
The weather is improving a little, it didn't freeze last night and it looks like the temperature is going to be ticking upward from here. That's good, because I want to plant the little plants! I went ahead and planted the green onions I rooted in a pot for the kitchen. Green onion cuttings are great because you just lop off the root end of the onion and drop it in water, and in a couple days roots appear and the top starts growing back. If you put them in a pot, they definitely look like the sort of plants you grow in your alien spaceship. I don't even like eating green onions that much, but I really like growing them. 
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I don't know if it's the Directors Cut posts I have been doing the past couple of days or if people just happen to be bored and generous, but I've had a sudden spate of new comments on my older fanfics. This of course has me wandering around with hearts in my eyes, because it always feels intensely good to know that something you put out into the world is still making people happy. Even if somebody just tells me that they came back to reread my story again, that is a huge compliment in itself! There is so much fic out there, being considered good enough to read more than once is pretty great. 
The post-bedtime conversation with the kiddo was shorter than it has been this past couple nights, I think because he was feeling a little better, but also because he was tuckered out. He was having trouble articulating what was bothering him and finally just said he had a big question mark of confusion in his head. Me too, kiddo! I told him a lot of people were feeling like that, and that I hoped it would get better when things started to get more normal again. He asked when that would be, which is of course the million dollar question. I have a lot of extremely cynical feelings about the heedless push to reopen the economy and the harm it will probably do, but that's not what my fourth grader needs to hear. So we talked about why the quarantine started, and how it was never intended to last forever, but instead to buy us time to get ready for it. I explained that back in March, if a lot of people had gotten the virus all at once, it would've overwhelmed the medical system and a lot of people would've died who wouldn't have died if they'd gotten the disease at a different time. I explained that the quarantine gives us time to get better supplies and do a lot of research and learn more about testing, so that even though we cannot stop people from ever getting sick with coronavirus, fewer people will get very sick, and we will be able to take care of the ones who do. You know, ideally, if Hillary Clinton were president, or literally any competent human being. But that's not a worry that he should have to carry right now, so I'll give him the best hope that I have. His main concern is still whether he will be able to go back to school, and whether things are ever going to look normal again. And I really hope they will. 
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quarantingz · 5 years ago
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letting my guard down (part 2/2)
Let me tell you a story of how I know God is real and that He indeed works in weird, mysterious, unexpected yet timely ways. Immediately after writing the first part of my epiphany or I’d even call it a predicament, I received a call from my mum while I was on the toilet (TMI but it had to be said!). I was already finishing up (sorry!) so I washed my hands (thoroughly, after putting my phone down) and hit answer. I said my usual cheerful hellos which I was expecting her to return. Instead, I saw mum in all her glory, except she wasn’t feeling glorious, with sadness evident in her eyes. I quickly realised that things weren’t good.
She looked at me as if to say, “So you must’ve read our message about the flight…” so I asked about it. Mum closed her eyes (a mannerism she has shown in almost all of our video calls), she does this whenever she talks about something pressing or whenever God puts a word in her heart that she shares with us with zealousness. I let her speak for a good 5 minutes. I just listened. She opened up about her feelings towards this turbulent situation we’re having and how badly her and dad want to come home, to the point where they were crying out to God last night asking why this is happening. Knowing my mum and how strong her relationship with God is, she’d hardly question anything. Especially God. But I could tell how much stress she was under yet still remain graceful and calm amidst this chaos. From the moment she opened her lips and scrunched her eyebrows together, I was prepared to simply listen. And it’s when we truly listen that we’re able to empathise with someone.
Mum dropped all of the weight she was bearing overnight on me. I’m glad I could offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on however this wasn’t enough. I wish I could be in her presence and hug her. She also told me about how Dad handled the news that their flight was yet again cancelled. They were supposed to come back on my mum’s birthday — the 21st of March. Then it became the 2nd of April, then the 15th and now there’s a high chance that they’re going to have to stay in the Philippines until June. Two months away from now. It was all a lot. And apparently Dad, who usually never raises his voice or shows signs of anger, was yelling at the Philippine Airlines call agent over the phone. “Imagine if you were in our shoes, unable to go home to our daughters, what would you do? How would you feel?” says Mum as she recalls Dad’s words which he said to the lady or guy on the other end of the line in English. We made a lighthearted joke about how this was more a result of him wanting to sound like a foreigner and therefore important, but maybe my Dad just tends to put his mother tongue aside when he’s all fired up and that we’ve just learned something new about him. Like I said the man is almost never irritated. From Mum’s retelling of his conversation with the poor employee who was just doing their job, it sounded like he was seething.
I listened to her talk for another 20 minutes or so, picking up on every detail and the shift in the tone of her voice with each recollection of relevant events.  She told me about how our long-term family friend thoroughly enjoys her and Dad’s company, and how this quarantine period has actually been a blessing for them all. Our family friend’s marriage, we’ll give her a pseudonym too — Beatrice, has apparently been on the rocks for quite some time now. Their home hasn’t been a place where love is nurtured but rather one where members of the family tend to quarrel. Lots. Upon hearing this I felt empathy towards Beatrice and her family, too. These are people who were very prominent in my early childhood years and although I haven’t seen them in 6 years I know that as soon as I visit them we’ll just pick up where we left off. Mum carried on with her testimony, highlighting the changes, good ones, that have occurred in the life and relationships of the [insert alias here] family since reuniting with my parents. The quarrelling apparently stopped and one of their kids who’s one of my childhood friends has been cooking them delicious meals since iso. Hearing this made me smile. I wasn’t surprised to hear that my parents have become such blessings to their family as they have always been one, Mum especially, to touch people’s hearts with God’s word. I look up to them both a lot although I know I’ll never be half as good as they are.
Then, not long after her story about the Rodriguez family, I felt this urge to write my thoughts down. It would be a reflection of an event happening in real time. Weird concept but had I went on for any longer without doing so I was scared that the thoughts would leave me entirely. Almost like an itch that won’t go away until I decide to get a pen and paper and let my subconscious take over which I’ve been doing a lot these days. I wrote down the following on the first piece of paper I could find within an arm’s reach, although I was willing to write on the back of this unopened pack of pens I found in the drawer situated in the middle of our lounge. Knowing this would be crazy and I’d run out of space after four sentences, I chose to write on this printed invoice from AA for Cathy’s car service breakdown back in 2016 instead. I jotted down the following words in bulletpoints, which were all I could muster without losing my train of thought:
Storytelling
Empathy
Listening (closely)
“God is not in us but rather in this space between you and me.” A quote from Before Sunrise which just randomly popped into my head but was also relevant to the situation. I don’t fully agree with the first part but I thought it was interesting.
As Mum went on with her gripping storytelling, I proceeded to writing, in full sentences this time, capturing exactly what I wrote on paper I think would be appropriate so I’ll do just that:
(Imagine there was an arrow pointing to the beginning of this paragraph from the bulletpoint ‘Listening (closely) and that’s precisely how I scrawled it all down)
First time in ages that I was able to live and be in the present, listening to my mum’s voice, her stories told as vividly as I aim to write in my blog entries… going into details like the colour of the table Tito (Tagalog word for ‘uncle’) [insert alias here] brought into his wife’s room to put down some mugs, a jug of boiling water and snacks. They were all so eager to talk to someone from Outside. Capitalising the O for emphasis. I was listening to this and seeing it all as if it were happening right in front of me. My mum is a great storyteller. So is my dad. I miss them. But right now I’m happy. (With another arrow drawn pointing to this sentence because I ran out of space after the previous one) I pray that God brings peace to their hearts in spite of these turbulent times.
What happened after this was beyond my imagination and what I’d expected. Mum asked how I’ve been coping with everything lately or my response to all the things she’d just said. Normally this question would’ve caused me to curl up into a ball and feel seen but wanting to be unseen. Embarrassed to even open my mouth and speak up about my feelings. Gross! But instead, what followed were words spoken with confidence I’ve never channeled before when talking to my parents about what’s really going on with me. My first words were, “Funny you ask…” before scanning my eyes down the page I had just clumsily scribbled half-baked musings on, and enunciating what I wrote to them exactly how it is on paper, knowing both my sisters were in the room and listening. Before I even got to the Before Sunrise quote, my voice was already breaking and I had to pause a few times. And then the tears just streamed down my face. Uncontrollably. In that moment I realised I was naked. Vulnerable. No longer able to hide. It felt liberating so I continued. But I reached a point where I came to a full stop and just covered my face and cried. Really cried. No one said anything for a while so I continued again. After I finished, Mum spoke more words of wisdom and I was back to listening and writing down insights I’ve pulled from what she’s saying and related them back to what I’ve gathered from my brief devotion prior to our video call (it was the first time in ages that I picked up a book that actually talks about God and not just a self-help book).
Throughout the rest of our conversation, I rotated the piece of paper so it was sitting horizontal on the table and wrote the following in boxes at the top and bottom (but actually the left and right side of the page originally):
“Take nothing for granted.”
All of these were in the same box, I’ll talk about them in more detail tomorrow when we catchup Alyssa x:
“Leaving the camp -> aka the familiar (in Moses’ terms)”
“Pitching the tent of Meeting”
“Offering yourself as a living sacrifice”
“Sabbath -> Shaun (oops, I mean Gabe): “What’s the Saturday plan?”
“God’s Timing”
And then an arrow pointing from this box to a new line:
“Song: Kahit Maputi Na Ang Buhok Ko” (in English this means ‘even when my hair turns grey’ which is a song about hoping your relationship with someone wouldn’t change throughout the years and that you’ll grow old together. Is that us, pal? 🥺 Okay I’m crying now).
Lastly on this page I wrote:
“I can’t seem to open up about the deepest parts of me, my thoughts and feelings without crying like a baby.”
Flipping over the page I wrote more messy musings (hey look an alliteration!) I even numbered the paragraphs since I wrote them around the imprints of the car service invoice therefore they were initially out of order. 
Okay, remember in the first part of this “epiphany” now turned blah I said I’d explain why I find it easier to write in my journal first before going on my laptop? Well I think it’s because in Notes or Pages, the cursor or Google said it’s called an insertion point, blinks as if to say, “What’s next?” Or “What else?” This takes me back to the late nights back in the uni days where I’d stare at my half-filled page on Word dumbfounded, suffering from the worst case of writer’s block. I get this when I’d try and write or add to my blog entries here on Tumblr too. Whereas writing on pen and paper to me are more forgiving and allows my subconscious to reign more.
Have you seen Greta Gerwig’s Little Women yet? I’m going to end this (and boy does this need to end, I’m sorry for what I’m about to get you to sit through) with a few references to that movie so I hope you have! This thing we started which allowed me to write again made me feel a lot like Saoirse as Jo in this scene where she too gets back into writing. She’s sitting on the floor of her room, hunched over tens and hundreds of pieces of paper riddled with her neat penmanship in ink, fervently writing her next novel. The scene was depicted as a montage, of Jo switching between her left and right hand, the sides of which are stained with black ink and she’s shaking her dominant hand to relieve the pain caused by hours of unbridled writing. This is how I felt like today. Alive. Fiery. Like the Aries I am.
To close, I want to say that it’s always been easier for me to put things in writing instead of vocalising them. This is more of my sister’s forte. This again reminds me of a scene in Little Women where Jo makes her speech about women having different dreams and ambitions but not one of them is more important than the other. We’re all very unique yet similar in that we are women with voices and gifts which we can choose to use in the way we like.
It feels like I’ve been on a rollercoaster this year so far, reaching highs but also plummeting down to my lowest of lows periodically. But I know I’m not alone. So if you’re feeling the same way, reader, I urge you to open up to the person you feel most comfortable with and although easier said than done, let your guard down. Be vulnerable as I believe it is in these times where we show someone else our cracks that light can shine through them and into the person we choose to strip in front of.
- p, with love
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missytearex · 6 years ago
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To Read List - Larry - Part 6
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Chasing the High by Rearviewdreamer
Louis never thought a week away from his job could change things so much.
or
Louis is a therapist in a rehab facility and Harry has been court ordered to stay there for six weeks.
Perfect Sky by haloeverlasting
Deep, deep down, Louis knows Niall hadn’t meant to do this. He knows that this really was a last minute conundrum Louis had found himself in. Louis could’ve muddled the dates just as easily as Niall could have misremembered them. This hurts for other, more difficult reasons.
This hurts because it was supposed to be Louis’ honeymoon.
Louis meets Marcel at the lowest point of his life. A few poorly timed jokes, and a cigarette (or twelve) later, Louis starts to think love’s not a sham after all.
If we meet sometime in the after years, my darling, I trust I will find your love still mine. by lucidlou
1970s AU.
The boy at the dinner table isn’t as much of a stranger as Louis thought, and somewhere between the diners, concerts, and the way the moonlight falls just right, the summer is enough time for realizing just that.
falling, catching by tsuneni
Harry’s jotting down some more notes when he feels a thud on his right shoulder. He doesn’t flinch, thank God, because when he turns his head to the right his suspicions are confirmed. The boy has fallen asleep on Harry’s shoulder.
When Harry lets out the breath he had been holding, the sleeping boy pushes his nose further into the burgundy fabric of Harry’s sweater, and wraps his arm around Harry’s waist.
This boy is going to be the death of him.
-
Or; the one where Harry likes poems, soft sweaters, old novels, and that one boy in his Romantic Poetry course that keeps falling asleep during lectures.
The Haunting of Louis Tomlinson by HelloAmHere
“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.
Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.
“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.
*** OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!
Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by 1Diamondinthesun
Harry spends most of his time in an empty house or a lonely darkroom, dreaming of leaving his small town for art school. He's invisible to most people. And then Louis Tomlinson sees him. Life will never be the same.
Or, the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.
I Follow Rivers by harrys
It’s 8:25 when he rushes in, with his strong legs clad in striped trousers, a sleeveless turtleneck, and platform oxfords.
He’s waiting for his coffee two metres away from Harry and scrolling through his phone quickly, with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. Harry decides to take a chance and clears his throat.
[Alternatively: Louis writes for a fashion magazine, Harry writes for a music magazine and dabbles in poetry. They like the same coffee shop, as well as each other.]
take my pure (and wash it all away 'til I'm cured) by resurrectdead
And Louis decides, as the boy slowly starts backing away with that cheeky grin lighting up that whole stupidly beautiful face, that he should sue him for emotional abuse just for the fact his pecs stretch the fabric of his shirt like that alone. He really should. He might even win the case. Fuck.
or: they're all 19. louis is a twink, harry is a frat boy hunk. harry for some reason wants his makeup done for pride, and louis is just trying so very hard to stay clear of all alleged fuckboys this year.
blind from this sweet, sweet craving by missandrogyny
"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."
Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.
But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.
Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.
Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.
Better Than Words by Ambereen
All Harry Styles had ever wanted out of life was to become a recording artist. A musician. A vocalist. A performer. He'd heard it referenced in a number of different ways, from strangers, from members of his family. But the point remained, whatever you wanted to call it, he wanted to be it. He wanted to get up on the stage, stand in the spotlight, and sing his heart out to whoever wanted to listen. He wanted to touch hearts and change lives and make people smile.
There was just one small problem standing in the way of all that.
you put your arms around me (and i'm home) by britishlovers
Louis snorted, laughing quietly. "Am I really so fun to hang out with that you wished we started talking months ago?" Harry was quiet for a few seconds before he answered. "You make me feel normal," he replied quietly, a blush spreading across his cheeks. At that, Louis dropped his soccer ball on the ground, rounding on Harry, bringing both of his hands up to cup the curly haired boy's cheeks. Harry stiffened, shocked at the sudden change of contact. "Harry you are anything but normal, in the most amazing ways possible." he said quietly. Harry's heart rate picked up, and his light blush become a bigger blush, he thought Louis could probably feel it where his hands were cupping his cheeks.
or the one where harry is blind but louis loves him anyway
i come alive when i hear your voice by thepriestthinksitsthedevil (stubliminalmessaging)
Harry let out a satisfied sigh and sat back in his cushioned office chair. He looked down at his laptop and tapped his fingers against his bottom lip in contemplation. He was fairly pleased with what he’d finished so far on his latest project; he just needed to fine-tune some bits and then send it off to his management for their approval. He sent his coworkers an e-mail giving them commenting rights on the document for any constructive criticism they might have, and cringed when his stomach let out an unholy gurgle.
Aka: Harry the mute songwriter falls in love with the single dad working at the bakery down the street from his studio
murmur by reveries_passions
"The sun warmed their skin, dried any and all remnants of Louis' tears, made Harry's curly hair glow. The sounds of the city below seemed to disappear; it was just them, overlooking everything, the only two people in the world who understood each other."
in which louis is a little bit empty, harry is a little bit new to all this, and, coincidentally, they're both just about as deaf as two lonely teenagers can be.
Run Until You Feel Your Lungs Bleeding by whisperingwind
Harry’s hands tremble, carelessly ripping each of his paintings, one by one, until his studio is littered with not only remnants of his masterpieces, but his despondency. "You don't love me." he accuses, tugging on the roots of his hair. "You never loved me. You pity me! And to make it worse, you told everyone that you pity me! You promised you would never..." his voice fades as soon as his cries intensify.
Louis can't manage to say anything. His eyes wander, gazing over each item that once made Harry happy, and he shakes his head. Harry spent years building the ambiance of his studio and it's been destroyed in mere minutes, thanks to him. "Harry I...no, that isn't true. Whatever you think you heard, I swear to god isn't true. I care about you more than - "
"Get out!" Harry screams, pointing to the door. His chest heaves with sobs. "You said it doesn't matter that I can't walk. You said I'm the most incredible person you've ever laid eyes on. Why did you lie to me?"
Or, Harry is an angry, starving artist isolating himself from the rest of society due to his disability. Louis is a pop-star pretending he doesn't care about anything, but when it comes to Harry, he cares too much.
Show Me Life Like I've Never Seen by Rearviewdreamer
Louis never expected to leave the small art studio three blocks down from his job with anything besides the painting he caught a glimpse of and simply couldn't forget.
there are no atheists in foxholes by suspendrs
“Do you think we’ll ever see it again?” Harry asks after a minute. “London?”
Louis blinks, looking down. They very well could spend the rest of their lives on this island, and they’re both very aware of that. Everyone probably already thinks they’re dead, anyway. Their flats are going to be sold, and their families are going to have funerals, and life is going to go on without them. Even if they do get rescued, it’s already been days. The news of the shipwreck has definitely reached London by now. They don’t know if there’s been any effort to look for survivors, but they also don’t know how far away from the wreck they are, or how far people are going to go to look for them, or if anyone even knows that this island is here and, like, it’s very possible that they’ve already looked and stopped looking for survivors, and no one knows they’re out here-
“I don’t know,” Louis says, before he can start spiraling. “I hope so, but I don’t know.”
Or, the sea takes everything from Louis, but it gives him back more than he ever could’ve asked for.
Accidentally On My Way To Loving You by larrymylove
“So,” H said, “Who are you.”
Louis froze. The fork nearly slipped from his hand. So this was it then. The jig was up. Louis would have to admit that he’d stumbled into the wrong party and that, after seeing H, hadn’t wanted to leave. Louis would be kicked out, never to see H again. And who could blame him. He sounded like a total creeper. If the roles had been reversed....Louis wouldn’t blame H for never wanting anything to do with him ever again.
Louis arrives at the wrong party, and finds he never wants to leave.
18 by aclosetlarryshipper
Harry hates Golden Boy Louis and he's pretty sure the feeling's mutual. It's too bad they're forced into parenthood together during the home ec baby project.
Featuring accidental fathers, an improv performance gone wrong, and an altruistic game of spin the bottle.
Metamorphosis by momentofclarity
And for Louis, Harry is light and wonder. Someone who doesn’t sigh exasperatedly at his antics, who likes the way Louis’ mischievousness sometimes gets the better of him. Someone who holds him through anxious nights and kisses him softly through gloomy mornings.
Then there’s the fact that Harry is absolutely ridiculous and Louis hasn’t even come close to getting over that.
This is the extraordinarily ordinary AU about two boys extraordinarily in love.
Falling All In You by dimpled_halo
“There’s a contest for a chance to meet Harry Styles and spend a day with him in the studio and go out to dinner. So we signed you up.” Niall flashes a satisfied grin as if he just gave Louis the best news of his life, when in reality he’s only just succeeded in confusing Louis. “Wait. Who’s Harry Styles?” Zayn scoffs. “You can’t be serious. You were only obsessed with him and the band he was in. One Direction? You used to have all of their albums and would make us listen to them any time we were around you.” Louis’ memory comes back to him as he remembers how obsessed he was with the boy band. It isn’t the proudest time of his life, but they were actually pretty good, and the guys were all hot as fuck. They were what contributed to Louis’ sexual awakening in realising that he was, in fact, very gay. “Wait. But One Direction...aren’t they broken up now or summat?” Louis asks. Even though there was a time when he was in love with the band, he sort of outgrew them and hasn’t been keeping up with them for years.
Or- Louis wins a contest to meet Harry Styles even though he doesn't consider himself a fan. What he doesn't expect is to win over the popstar's heart.
Shine Like Silver by asphodelknox
Sometimes what you never thought you needed is exactly what you need. Sometimes it's right in front of you. Harry find love when he's broken and abandoned, in the one place he never thought to look. Although once he figures it out, he's really not surprised.
Can't Wait To Consecrate This Wondrous Mess by graceling_in_a_suit
Harry wants to paint his nails. Louis has nail polish. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm Half A Heart Without You, Baby by homosociallyyours
When the adoption they've been planning falls through at the last minute, Louis does his best to help Harry through the aftermath, almost forgetting that it will be just as hard for him.
With Roots in the Wind by AlwaysAqua
Sometimes the language of flowers speaks volumes.
Let the Poets Cry Themselves to Sleep by graceling_in_a_suit
“My dearest God of Figs, I devote myself to you. Please accept the offering of my flesh, my body, and my soul, and in return bless me with your fertility and… fig trees,” Harry said, at first confident and then a bumbling mess. “If you offer me your flesh, your body, and your soul, are you not offering me your hand in marriage?” Louis asked cheekily.
Greek mythology AU. It's a fairytale with gods, husbands, and figs.
To Whom It May Concern by theweightofmywords
He was the ease in his chest after taking a deep breath. He was the tears that spilled in sadness and anger, as well as the relief that came after. He was the tether that kept Louis grounded when his head spun with insecurity and worry. He was the warmth Louis felt when he was happy.
They had never met, but he didn’t think there was anyone in the world he missed more.
You're like a Sponge (Abrasive and Colorful) by LadyLondonderry
Harry LOML Styles: Hey, can you recommend your fav shoe stores? Heels Abroad is closing and I know you know some good places
Butterflies have erupted in Louis’s stomach. This is the first time Harry has ever texted him. He glances down at the beat up old Adidas he wore for his run this morning. Harry thinks Louis knows some good places? He trusts Louis’s opinion on something?
Louis gulps, and then coughs up toothpaste, hastily spitting into the sink. Everything depends on this. Harry - Harry Styles - has texted him! Louis can’t mess this up. He has to be perfect. He has to have great shoe store recommendations. He feels giddy. This is it! A turn in their friendship! The toothpaste-y grin firmly on his face, he picks up his phone again just as another message comes through.
Harry LOML Styles: Sorry, wrong person
Oh.
Or, Louis's flirts look an awful lot like insults.
where your lips land by BriaMaria
A love story told through Louis' tattoos.
... or the Tyler Knott Gregson-inspired AU where Louis is a poet who lives in Montana and Harry is a photographer passing through.
From the poem: "I put new ink where your lips have landed/I cover your kisses with reminders" -- TKG
Feeling Hazy (In the Ballroom of my Mind) by dimpled_halo
The doors to the ballroom open and violin music fills Harry’s ears, his skin prickling as he tightens his hold on Liam’s arm. All eyes fall on him as he makes his grand entrance next to Lord Payne, Earl of Wolverhampton. According to the media, they’re the couple of the century, but little do they know they’re not really dating. Harry tugs on his collar, the tightness around his neck almost too much. He’ll never get used to being Prince of Cheshire. Not only are wearing his royal garments a pain in the arse, he also hates all of the attention it garners.
There’s only one person’s attention Harry really wants.
What Our Souls Were Meant To Do by Rearviewdreamer
All Harry’s father wants is for his son to marry as soon as possible and give their family another heir. All Harry wants to do is fall in love.
Thursday by dinosaursmate
Harry’s long curls were tied up in a bun, which looked lovely. Harry threw Louis a smile as his sister found them a table, and almost instantly he got back up and approached the bar. “Hey.” Harry lifted his hand in a short wave. “How’s it going?” “Yeah, good. You?” “So… you busy after work?” Louis grinned. “Nope.” “You wanna do something?” “Sure,” Louis said. “I‘d love to do something.” ----- Louis keeps busy juggling work, hookups, and looking after his flatmate. That is, until Harry comes along, and Louis finds himself living for Thursday. 
Life Was a Song, You Came Along by rainbowninja167
It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them. It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.
Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.
The Actor by Velvetoscar
Harry Styles, the newest, most talked about actor of the 1890's, has taken the London stage by storm, eliciting rumors and scandals alike in the wake of his sold-out performances. So when he's set to lead in Zayn Malik and Niall Horan's newest play at the Savoy Theatre, a comfortably successful establishment owned by Paul Higgins and his son Liam, Louis Tomlinson is only all too eager to work as his personal valet.
From here, a star is born. Or maybe a universe, really.
Glow by dolce_piccante
Alien AU, with a hint of Royal AU. A summer barbecue at the Tomlinson's is interrupted by a naked visitor from a peaceful planet far, far away. Can an alien and a human survive a summer together for the sake of the human race?
The Dead of July by whimsicule
Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.
or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.
come on jump out at me by yoursongonmyheart
“you know, i offered for you to fake out me, but, i don’t know anything about you other than you being my biggest celebrity crush probably since posh spice.”
louis almost chokes on his chicken, “jesus christ,” he sputters.
harry takes a swig of his beer with a smirk. “i was very disappointed when you didn’t say i was your celebrity crush after you came out.”
louis almost cries. “you know i did plan on it. then i ran into you narrating taking a piss and talking about my ass and i thought ‘wow this kid does talk some shit’ and decided against it.”
harry barks out a laugh, his ears tinged red. he takes a bite of his pizza. “i suppose i do have no filter while high.”
louis rolls his eyes, “bit of an understatement, mate.”
harry giggles, “whatever pal,” louis screams internally.
----
Or, the one where actor louis tomlinson and one direction superstar harry styles try to fake a sex tape to help harry get out of the closet and they both get more than they bargained for.
For As Long As I Can Remember (It's Been December) by green_feelings
After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.
Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.
runnin' like you did by olaveya
“Should we tell him?”
When Lauren is met with everyone either nodding their heads or shrugging, she takes a deep breath. “I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious by now.” She stalls, sounding ominous and Louis doesn’t like it one bit.
“What is obvious by now?” Louis asks. He’s starting getting anxious. “I swear to God, spit it out. Stop being so damn cryptic.”
“I—We think it’s pretty obvious that you’re in love with Harry,” she states simply and shrugs as if she isn’t telling him he’s in love with the second—Nick being the first—most annoying person on the planet.
or, a college au where Louis knows how to hold a grudge and is definitely not in love with Harry Styles
knock knock, i love you by beautlouis
“Well,” Louis says, searching for something to relieve this tension. “I think if a bloke gets kicked out of his stats exam for a knock knock joke, he deserves to hear the punchline, yeah?”
“Oh!” Harry says, beaming. “I forgot where we left off, what was it again?” He looks overjoyed to be exchanging a shit joke.
“Ah, you said knock knock, then I said who’s there, and then you said Noah,” Louis supplies helpfully. He hates that he's actually curious about the rest of the joke. “So, Noah who?”
“Oh,” says Harry, in a much different tone, dragging out the syllable. He looks bashful now. Louis cannot keep up with this boy, it's going to kill him. “Right, well.” He shuffles his feet. Fuck, what kind of knock knock joke gets a boy nervous? “Noah a good place we could get something to eat?”
[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]
Sound Like a Song by allwaswell16
In high school, Louis Tomlinson lit up Harry’s world like nobody else, even if Harry did most of his pining from the safety of his tightly knit circle of friends. Ten years later, Harry is ready to make some changes. He’s tired of having so many regrets and not taking charge of his life, and he still hasn’t forgotten how brightly Louis shines. He’s about to get a long awaited second chance.
Or the one where Harry helps out at a farmer’s market and gives Louis free vegetables.
no better place than right by your side by velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses)
louis' in the maldives for a friends destination wedding when he meets harry at the reception. they agree to a no-strings-attached hook up: no last names, no phone numbers, no personal info, and no promises. only, the universe has other ideas.
aka the one where harry just won't leave louis alone (but he really doesn't mind)
From Christiania with love by sweariwouldnt
It's Louis' first field training day as a future police officer. It doesn't quite go to his plan.
Or, maybe, it goes exactly to some bigger plan.
All The Small Things by GMTYUniverse
Louis places a hand on Harry’s arm, and gives him a little reassuring squeeze which coincidentally provides him with a great opportunity to feel how firm his biceps is. An image of a sweaty Harry working out swiftly enters his mind, but he wills it away as he starts talking.
‘I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t want you to join, God’s honest truth. Please don’t feel obliged, though.’
Harry snorts at that, then sends Louis a bright smile. “Then I’d love to come with you. I’ve always thought it’d be a really cool thing to go and see.”
He tries to hide his satisfied grin from breaking out, calming himself as he nods instead and lets go of Harry’s arm.
‘Great. You’ll have to tell me about it when we’re in the train, I’ve got no idea what it is we’re actually going to see. Is it just miniature buildings? Like a maquette?’
Harry grins at Louis’ questions. “You didn’t read the leaflet the ground stewardess gave you, did you?”
‘Not a single word’.
Or: The one where Louis & Harry meet and go on a shared adventure to miniature Netherlands due to a faulty plane, Louis' restlessness, Harry's excitedness and a healthy dose of fate & infatuation at first sight.
A Dangerous Night (To Fall In Love) by FallingLikeThis
“Hey, Harry!” Louis greets, walking up to Harry with a sunny smile.
Any other time, that smile would lift Harry’s heart even as it made it race. He could let himself get lost in it, would probably catch himself more than once hoping, wishing for it to be more than a smile aimed at a friend. He’d relish the moments he could forget that that’s all he is to Louis. Any other time, he’d be selfish and let himself entertain those thoughts. But this is not like any other time. Tonight is the beginning of the end.
or
Harry has visions and sees the destruction of Pompeii before it happens. Now, how does he tell his best friend what's to come?
In you, I see the dreams that I have always longed for by littleshoran
When Louis' parents find him a suitable wife to rule the country with, he has no idea how to let them know that he would rather not. Everything clears up a bit once the handsome brother comes into the picture.
The Finding Sea by angelichl
They met at the ocean, in a way. It makes sense for them to fall in love at the ocean too.
Harry is in love with his best friend. They go on vacation together.
- Fort Myers, Florida. -
We'll Paint the Town by kotabear24
For the Larry abroad prompt: Kleinfeld's, New York. This is a Say Yes to the Dress fic.
In which Louis can't flirt, Lottie does all the work, Harry just wants to get her in a damn dress, and Niall is an aggressive affirmer. It ends well for everyone.
Take It To The Limit by taggiecb
Louis Tomlinson enjoys the simple life. He has his house, his family, and his friends all in the tiny town of Petty Harbour, Newfoundland. When he isn’t spending the winters plowing out the residents and keeping Liam and Niall company at Payne’s pub, he’s out on the open water doing the one thing that he loves the most, fishing.
Harry Styles is a traveler. He lands in the tiny town to try to find himself. What he finds instead is a beautiful blue eyed man who seems to have everything figured out.
But even a brick house can be damaged by a storm if it’s big enough. Can Louis’ perfect life and their relationship survive the tumult that’s coming?
You've Got This Spell On Me by lovelarry10
My prompt location was: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Orlando.
Louis has been living in Florida for 3 years now, and loves his job working at Universal Orlando Resort, particularly in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. He's on a countdown to finally head home to Doncaster, but the arrival of a curly-haired boy from Holmes Chapel throws Louis' last few weeks in the Sunshine State into complete disarray...
Feeling Hazy (In the Ballroom of my Mind) by dimpled_halo
The doors to the ballroom open and violin music fills Harry’s ears, his skin prickling as he tightens his hold on Liam’s arm. All eyes fall on him as he makes his grand entrance next to Lord Payne, Earl of Wolverhampton. According to the media, they’re the couple of the century, but little do they know they’re not really dating. Harry tugs on his collar, the tightness around his neck almost too much. He’ll never get used to being Prince of Cheshire. Not only are wearing his royal garments a pain in the arse, he also hates all of the attention it garners.
There’s only one person’s attention Harry really wants.
Can't Wait To Consecrate This Wondrous Mess by graceling_in_a_suit
Harry wants to paint his nails. Louis has nail polish. It's a match made in heaven.
You Could Give That Aspirin the Headache of Its Life by LetTheMusicMoveYou
Louis had once heard that the chances of being struck by lightning are 1 in 700,000. He wonders now, how those odds compare to randomly being seated next to your ex boyfriend on a 10 hour flight.
Honestly, if the universe is going to insist on ruining his life, he really would have preferred the lightning thing.
(Or the one where Louis is a football player who gets stuck on a flight with his ex-boyfriend Harry. The universe might be conspiring against him, or is it?)
never shut us down by togetherwecouldbealright
Tumblr!AU.
Louis is an insecure mess and he hides behind his blog. Harry's a boy with a personality too bright and he's everything Louis thought he would hate. They end up falling in love.
Unintended by Cherrie
He watched as the guy threw his head back and giggled looking like a still shot from a romantic comedy. Fuck, he was beautiful. Of course he fucking was. Louis was short and stout there was no way he could fucking compare to that ethereal creature. Fucking Nick. Not only he had to cheat, but he had to do it with the most beautiful man on the planet.
Promises We Made by thekindofworld
Its been five years since Harry and Louis broke up; they were seventeen and nineteen and it was messy to say the least. Cue Louis, who is worked off his feet making clothes for celebrities, Harry dropping his debut album, Niall who likes to avoid his insecurities by dragging Louis on Holiday, Zayn and Perrie as Louis' right hand stylists, and Liam who wishes Harry would just tell him about his ex-boyfriends before he contacts them about working for him.
Its either going to be a disaster, or the perfect timing they've all been waiting for.
Whiskeyed Me Off My Feet by Snowy38
It was the twenty-eighth time he'd been in....the guy with the stunning smile. The fact he also had incredibly beautiful eyes and this mischievous little purse to his lips when his eyes crinkled was a small detail. The fact he had lovely features and the longest eye-lashes Harry had ever seen-well that was a minor observation. The fact he was kind of small and would fit perfectly in Harry's arms?
He had a lot of interest in that, definitely.
But he was with someone. The beautiful one was taken.
Well, of course, Harry arched a brow cynically. He was beautiful, of course he was going to be taken.
For You, I Give My Soul to Keep by Justalittlelouislove
Louis is presented with a challenge that changes his life forever.
Talk Dirty To Me by BriaMaria
They were both naked. And that seemed, again, like a catastrophically bad idea, but here they were anyway. Naked. In the dark. Only a few feet apart.
It hadn’t even been a discussion. The minute Harry flipped the lights off, they’d both shucked out of their clothes as if they’d been on fire.
“Alright darling,” Louis said, his hand wrapped loosely around his own cock. “Just remember, start slow. Lots of descriptions. Light on the hygiene, heavy on the compliments. You’ve got this.”
As if Harry were about to compete in some kind of athletic game. __
Or the one where Harry is absolutely terrible at dirty talk so he asks his best friend to teach him. And the one where Louis knows it's a catastrophically bad idea but agrees anyway.
Baby I got the power by rainbowslovehl (Larrymateforlife)
“That’s not actually half bad, you know?” “What?” Louis asked, furrowing his brows. “Yeah like it is silly, sure but so is this whole idea,” Zayn added. Liam made an affronted sound. “No offense Liam but you have to admit. It is a bit silly. But Power Rangers and nostalgia... Louis really has a good idea right there.” “I’m a little offended by that, Zayn, I’ll admit but you might be onto something there.”
Or where they dress up as Power Rangers and Harry is the Pink Power Ranger.
Far Afield by QuickedWeen
Harry Styles is a witch who owns the best flower shop in Manchester. Lottie Tomlinson is planning her wedding, and brings her brother along to her first appointment. Both men have been having a bad day and sparks fly.
Poison Me With Love by dimpled_halo
Gemma hums for a couple of seconds, and then, she gasps. “What if your flat is haunted?”
“Gemma, that’s not funny,” Harry says.
“No, I’m serious. I was just watching a show about it the other day. There’s, like, spirits and stuff that roam around different places. Maybe one of those spirits lives in your flat.” She says it like it’s such a common thing that Harry rolls his eyes. His sister would be watching shows like that, but Harry doesn’t appreciate that she’s telling him all this, not only because Harry is already spooked, but also because he lives alone in a flat that has weird things happening to him, and the last thing he needs is to be losing sleep over wondering if there’s some sort of spirit living in his home. * Or- There are strange things happening in Harry's flat and he's determined to figure out the cause.
Dusk Till Dawn by larryandgaystuff (cnd8544)
The witch/soulmate au no one asked for, published as part of Cocktober 2k17.
Got This Feeling In Our Souls by lululawrence
Louis sat up, awoken by something he couldn’t quite put a finger on. He scrubbed at his eyes, unsure if he was actually still dreaming or if he was awake. He didn’t dream often, but when he did they were always vivid like this. Louis opened his eyes and squinted through the darkness before jumping back, his heart racing.
Dream or not, there was a person sitting in the chair in the corner of the room. The chair that usually was only used by Charlie while Louis slept.
“Who the fuck are you and how did you get in my apartment?” Louis asked, voice a bit more squeaky than he’d like to admit. Suddenly there were two flashes of green, and the world went black again.
Just Around the Corner by FullOnLarrie
31 Days of Smut Prompt Word: Eerie
Louis' routine life is interrupted by the repeated appearance of... something. A ghost? A stranger? A hallucination?
Fallen treats by sweariwouldnt
Harry hates both Halloween and Louis Tomlinson. He does, however, love his little sister a lot. Hence why he puts on his ears and his tail and joins her, her friends and their big brother for a round of trick or treating.
My Arms Are Hungry For You by afirethatcannotdie
“Sorry, don’t tell me you’re actually a fan of the Red Devils,” says another voice, and Harry looks beyond Nick to see a guy standing there, taking long sips from a bottle.
“I-I am,” Harry stutters, pulse racing at the sight of him. His face is covered in white makeup, and he’s wearing a well-fitting white shirt, black pants, and a long black cape, a set of fake teeth in his mouth. “Don’t tell me you’re actually a vampire.”
Or the one where Harry and Louis meet at Nick Grimshaw's Halloween party and things go better than anyone could have expected.
Beep the Horn by kikikryslee
“Listen, I’ve tried to be helpful," Niall said. "But it's been three years. It’s time for you to make the move. There’s only so much encouraging I can do before it starts to get repetitive. And annoying.” “I feel so loved,” Louis deadpanned. “Of course we love you, Lou,” Zayn said. “We just need you to tell Harry how you feel so you can stop feeling so down on yourself.” --- Or, the one where Harry dresses as Miley Cyrus for Halloween, and Louis is the tiniest bit in love with him.
it's all fun and games until by louisandthealien
This is happening, he thinks dazedly, more than half hard in his jeans. Harry’s finally coming onto him, and they’re also about to summon a spirit.
or
“It’s the middle of the night and the ouija board just said we should fuck.”
Lips So Good, I Forget My Name by callmemal
On Halloween night, Harry and Louis try something new. As it turns out, Harry's insistence on baking the trick-or-treat goodies for the neighborhood kids is a sexy, filthy treat for them, too.
I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat. by happilylouie
Harry and Louis have been married for a while. Lately they have a problem in finding time for each other. As they plan to attend Niall’s Halloween Party a bit of trouble and dirty deeds occur.
Halloween Night by larrymylove
Harry and Louis spend Halloween night in. Just something absolutely cute and fluffy because I'm in a Halloween mood tonight!
Everyone's Waiting for the Next Surprise by crimsontheory
"Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just excited to see me?"
Harry jumps and almost drops the bottle he's holding in his hands and whips around to see Spiderman leaning up against the doorjamb to the kitchen. Harry can't see his face due to his mask, but he knows this guy has got to be deadly attractive if his body is anything to go by. He’s clad head to toe in a skintight spandex suit that hugs him in all the right places. His thighs are so thick, Harry wants to put his face in between them. And what the hell are these shots doing to him?
He stumbles a little when he reaches out to place the bottle back on the counter. And when did he become such a lightweight? He gently strokes along the bottom part of his banana costume that's sticking out between his legs and lowers his voice as best as he can. "I am very excited to see you. Banana's got a thing for men who are also spiders."
Or the one where Harry goes to a Halloween party dressed as a banana and meets Spiderman.
Tricking and Treats by embro
Louis takes his sisters Trick or Treating and just so happens to knock on Harry's door.
A Boo-tiful Relationship by lucdarling
Louis is hopeless in the kitchen and his daughter is demanding a smorgasbord of spooky treats. He gets help from the most unlikely teacher.
Turquoise Pumpkin by littlepinkbow
Louis is just trying to do the best he can for his daughter and along the way, he meets the most mesmerizing man.
Some Day My Prince Will Come by whitechimes
Based off of this prompt: Everyone thinks we came to this party as a couple because our costumes match what’s your name AU
or
Snow White and Prince Charming meet at a party.
it's only you that matters by togetherwecouldbealright
“I never used to care for Halloween, but now it’s my favorite holiday and, fuck, there’s no one else to blame except for you. You’ve made not only Halloween, but every day of the year better for me because I get to spend each and every one of them with you.”
The one where Harry and Louis meet on Halloween and Halloween somehow becomes their thing.
no grave can hold my body down by soleilouis
harry and louis find themselves stuck in an old haunted house. it may or may not be the fault of three friendly matchmaker ghosts.
Alone in a Sea of Stars by panda_bear21
He shifted his helmet, where it was still in his hands, watching the fluorescent lights shine off of Harry’s hair and reflect off his skin. Louis knew he would have to let Harry leave, but before doing so he licked over his dry lips, asking genuinely, “So are you going to follow me back to the ship again tomorrow or…?” Harry smiled in reply, dimples going all soft and sweet. “Going to wait until right before you close the doors again so you have no choice but to keep me.” Louis felt his skin warming and a small laugh bubbling up from his chest, as he bit down on his lower lip to stop his smile from growing. He cleared his throat, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I could probably kick you out right now if I wanted.” The thing was, Louis knew he wouldn’t. He could wait at least ten more minutes before he let Harry leave. Maybe even twenty.
Based on the prompt: Louis is an astronaut who is sent to Neptune and really he expected to find a few old rocks but instead he found some kid who claims to be ten thousand years-old
A King Beside You by stylinsoncity
When the aliens invade, the last thing Louis expects is to fall in love.
Beautiful & Strange by graceling_in_a_suit
Over the top of Niall’s cackles, Louis heard Zayn say: “I think it’s…. A spaceship.”
Louis and Niall turned to him in bafflement. Zayn put his hands up in surrender. “What! It’s clearly floating, so it’s not a rock, and it’s not made of wood or plastic or metal.”
Louis didn’t even bother telling him that, no, of course it’s not a spaceship, this isn’t the x-files.
OR: A story in which Harry is an alien looking to be found, and Louis does the finding. (And vice versa.)
Won't sleep (orphan_account)
Roswell!AU: After a situation at the pub escalates, Louis almost dies, but Harry is there to bring him back and nothing is ever the same again.
"Niall, Isabel and me," Harry says, voice strained and trembling around the edges. "We’re...not from around here." Louis frowns. "Where then?" Harry’s hand is unsteady as it detaches from Louis’ hip, his fingers trembling as he folds them towards his palm - all but one which he uses to point upwards. Louis raises an eyebrow. "Up north?" he asks. "Like, Scotland?" Harry shakes his head and lifts his hand further. "Iceland?" Another shake and the finger goes higher. Something niggles at Louis’ brain but he refuses to acknowledge it, his mind shying away from the mere possibility. "Greenland?" But he already knows that that’s not it either. He sees Harry gulp and raise his finger just that tiny bit more. "You can’t mean- You- No." An incredulous laugh bubbles out of Louis, threadbare and shaky. "Are you telling me you’re- you’re an-an a-" He can barely bring himself to say it. "An alien?" Harry’s face is pinched, his eyes wide as he gives a jerky nod.
through struggles, to the stars by thedeathchamber
Louis is a Starfleet captain trying to find his place in the universe. Harry is a prince just trying to do what's right. A Star Trek-inspired AU.
My Sweet, Sweet Love. by LouisFeels
Louis is an angel. Harry is a demon. They fall in love. Its forbidden.
Two different versions of the universe by Hazzalovescarrots
Harry is a demon, captured by hunters. but not just any hunters. Angels. Louis is his angel.
A bit of happiness by hilarry13
Harry is a new angel, given a task to help a troubled kid, Liam, but a certain little Demon keeps getting in the way.
Run Like the Devil by benzos
Harry stops pouting, but his frown is still fixed in place. “Are you sure?” he asks. “You know it’s your soul you’re signing away.” He sounds…sad? No, that’s not right, but there’s something.
Christ. This is the most incompetent demon Louis’ ever met. If he hadn’t seen the red of his eyes he wouldn’t believe he was a demon at all. How’d he get this job if he isn’t trying to convince Louis to deal? Or is it just another trick? A ploy for sympathy?
“I’m sure,” Louis says. “Come over here and kiss me.”
*
Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry's the strangest demon he's ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.
we've got unfinished business by suspendrs
“Maybe we have a ghost,” Harry suggests, frowning when Louis laughs. “Lots of people have them, you know.”
“Harry, ghosts aren’t real,” Louis snorts, shaking his head as he makes his way back to the kitchen. Harry pouts for a moment, until he hears Louis shriek on the other side of the door.
Or, there’s a ghost in Harry and Louis’s apartment that seemingly just wants them to date.
You and Me and the Devil Makes Three by moodlighting
AU. Louis moves in next door to Harry. Louis has a ghost, Harry has an extra futon and a crush.
Across The Lines by alex4968
With a camera in hand, Louis sets off on the road trip of his life to explore the most famous haunted houses of the UK. Things don't exactly go to plan.
The Haunting of Louis Tomlinson by HelloAmHere
“I'm not afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.
Every single magnet unstuck itself from the fridge and fell to the floor in a clattering cascade.
“I'm only a little afraid of ghosts,” Louis said.
*** OR: Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!
They Never Quite Leave by kiwikero
When Liam Payne inherited his great aunt's mansion, he never expected it to be haunted. With the help of famous ghost hunters Harry and Niall, Liam is hoping to evict the ghost and sell the house once and for all.
There's just one problem: Louis has been in that house for a hundred years, and he doesn't much feel like leaving.
Alternatively; come for the ghost sex, stay for the feels.
Darkest Night Hour by YesIsAWorld
After spending thirty-five years hiding out with his face buried in ancient vampire texts, Louis comes back to New York City. While Louis is adjusting to city life in the modern age, Zayn just wants his clan to finally win at trivia nights. Louis needs to make a major decision and he's running out of time. The last thing he expects is to meet someone like Harry, who might be the solution to all of their problems.
Carnelian by thewherethefislouisface (theycallmelolo)
“It’s a donor matching center for humans and vampires.”
“Vampires.” Louis snorts. “Like pretend vampires, like for people who think they are vampires?”
The humor clearly lost on Zayn as he answers calmly, “No, real vampires.”
“There’s no such thing as vampires.” Louis rolls his eyes. “You’re fucking with me or something.” Louis flicks his cigarette to the ground.
“I’m not.” Zayn speaks, his tone harsh and deeper than Louis remembers. “There are vampires all around you. We are quite civilized beings. We have careers, business, and we enjoy nights out on the town just like humans do. We aren’t savages. We blend in with the rest of the world. However, no advancement in science has fixed our one problem that makes us different than humans...We still need blood to live and we love it fresh from the source.”
OR
Louis finds himself donating blood to the most beautiful being he's ever seen.
I Will Never Rust by stylez
What was Harry meant to say? Yes Louis, I’d date you. I want to make you come repeatedly so that must mean I have a thing for you yeah? No. Because it doesn’t mean that, because Harry refuses to get attached to anyone he wants to fuck.
or
Harry wants to suck more than just Louis’ blood but Louis refuses to sleep with Count Dickula.
Among the Humans by thecheshirepussycat
A gothic, modern day vampire romance between a young human named Louis Tomlinson, and Harry Styles, ancient vampire and gentleman.
Creatures of the night come with more trouble than they wish to make it seem.
Bad Moon by jacinth
Knowledge is the key to all. One could render even the most dangerous enemy powerless without even lifting a finger if they know the right buttons to push. Louis wants to be one of those people. And he will be, as soon as he figures out how to outsmart Harry, who keeps locking him in fucking janitors closets every time something goes down because he's 'in the way'. But that's a whole other big bag of worms isn't it?
Out of the Wild by jaerie
Louis has spent most of his life as a wolf in the wild, Harry has spent most of his life as a human in the city. Their worlds collide during the audition process for the hottest new singing competition. What happens next should have expected.
But Please, Don't Bite by shyserious
"Melodic little jingle sounded from a bell hanging over the doorframe and warm indoor air curled heavily around his shivering body for the first time in months. Harry suddenly felt a sting in the corners of his eyes and had to force down a broken sob. Fuck, he was a mess. Such a mess. He had to focus."
what's inside your imagination (is as real as anything else) by suspendrs
“Hey!” Niall shouts suddenly, scaring Harry nearly out of his hat. “We like your costume!”
The ghost turns to glance at Niall, producing a hand from under the sheet and giving him a thumbs up. Harry can’t help but laugh a little more, the casual gesture adding to the entire vibe of the sunglasses-wearing ghost.
The ghost looks at them for a moment longer before turning and disappearing into the crowd again, and Harry sighs. “I love Halloween,” he says thoughtfully.
Or, Harry's a witch who likes to pretend he's a human pretending he's a witch, and Louis's the human in a not-so-clever costume that keeps catching his eye.
Always Darkest before the Sunrise by LadyLondonderry
Salem, Massachusetts, 17th century.
“You have attacked without need and without mercy, you have used arts so dark they are of the Evil One, and for that you cannot be allowed to walk free.”
What?
Harry starts struggling. It’s no use, he’s not even doing it with any sort of rational plan, the whole town at this point stands between him and freedom, but the words leaking from the preacher’s lips are filling him with a bile more sickening than he’s ever known.
“Harry Styles, ward of the church no longer, you are under arrest for the use of witchcraft against the innocent townspeople of Salem, Massachusetts.”
Love Potion Number 9 by noellehenry
Harry is a witch, albeit a clumsy witch. His spells never work out quite as he expects them to and his potions are at least hazardous. He is, however, talented in the kitchen: his pumpkin pie cupcakes are heavenly. He bakes them as a welcome gift for his new hot neighbour...
Down Comes The Night by graceling_in_a_suit
Harry Styles is a not-at-all-magic resident of 23rd Century London in possession of a very weird cat, an occult store, and the budding friendship of an attractive homeless man named Louis.
There's a miracle afoot.
Bewitched by Snowy38
"I've got Louis."
He didn't mean it to come out that menacing but the naturally deep lilt of his voice wasn't helping. The female on the other end of the phone gave a hysterical squeal.
"Please! Don't hurt him!"
Harry frowned, lip protruding sullenly in mild offence.
"I'm not-I'm not going to hurt him," he argued.
"What do you want?" The woman cried, voice wobbling with emotion.
Harry frowned.
"I want Louis," he answered because wasn't that much already obvious? Maybe Louis' family were just really thick.
Work of Magic by Bekita
"C’mon Liam, are you really going to use this against me now? You know the kind of humans his kind is! You know very well why we hunt them!" Louis said, done with the conversation and walking down the hall.
"No! We hunt people who don’t care about others, and neither Harry nor anyone in his family is like that!” Liam exasperated, following behind. “Louis, it's been two weeks, don’t you wanna know how Harry is? Has this hatred taken over so fast?" Liam inquired, knowing the hit a nerve.
"You know what, Liam? I'm not going to have this conversation with you." Louis said decisively, turning his back to his friend ready to go to his class.
But life is never fair, is it? When he turned around he was face to face with Harry in the middle of the hallway. The two stared at each other. Do I hate him? Louis wondered as he watched Harry's eyes fill with tears and seem to be begging for something. He preferred to ignore the pang in his chest and the urge to comfort the boy in front of him. He lowered his head and continued on his way.
Or the one that Louis is a WitchHunter and Harry is a Witch and they keep it as a secret, but they fall in love.
The Sweetest Incantation by smittenwithlouis
Harry has been alive for decades, and yet he's never been as confused and dumbfounded. He's a witch, for God's sake. Can't get much weirder than all the magical things he's experienced throughout his lifetime. Never in a million years, however, would he have expected to be mere inches away from a hybrid. Or: Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down.
What Happened to 'Never Say Die'? by kiddle
The 80s were one of the best decades to be a teenager in America. Just ask anyone who's seen a John Hughes movie. Louis would beg to differ. At least today he would, while he was stuck cleaning out his family's basement - part of his grounding after a senior prank gone wrong. But when he finds a box containing details of the biggest unsolved crime in Luna Hills, he and his friends decide to sneak out for one last adventure before they're all off to college. That is, as long as the mayor, who also happens to be Louis' mother, doesn't stop them before they discover the truth.
Or, a coming of age American AU inspired by classic 80s movies like The Goonies and Stand By Me where everyone has a secret and no one wants to get caught.
my heart, in deadly rhythm by impetuous
There exists somewhere a very, very small list containing the names of people who don’t want Louis Tomlinson dead. Harry Styles may or may not be one of those people.
(or a Spies!AU in which Liam is the Wade to Louis' Kim Possible, Zayn seduces people for intel, Niall is an expert at blowing things up, and Harry is more than a bit famous in his particular field... or infamous, actually. And Louis? Well, Louis just wishes people would quit trying so bloody hard to kill him all the time.)
Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield by whoknows
Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand.
As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.
Another Day Gettin' Into Trouble by whoknows
Harry’s drunk when the idea occurs to him. He’s also a pop star, so sometimes his drunk ideas turn into actual things instead of just ideas. The clone-a-willy kit is one of them.
In Harry’s defense, when he first thinks about it his intention is just to buy the kit and give it to Louis to make his own dildo with, because that’s what he wants anyway, right? To have a penis filling him up?
Then he realizes that it would be weird if Louis made a copy of his own dick to fuck himself with. It’d be super weird. Louis fucking himself? That’s a weird idea. Harry’s pretty sure Louis wouldn’t like that.
Clearly the only solution here is to use his own dick for the mold.
Make A Run, Cause Some Rebellion by whoknows
As a general rule, kitten hybrids are small and disinterested in what other people want them to do, slightly evil and at least a little manipulative. Louis prides himself on being all of those things to varying degrees, but especially on being uninterested in what other people tell him to do. He’s still human goddammit, despite his pointy ears and penchant for curling up in the sun and taking naps.
He’s going about his daily business, knocking things over where he sees fit and leaving a trail of mess in his wake. As exasperated as it makes Liam he’s used to it by now, having shared a flat with Louis for almost three years now, and if Louis whines enough he’ll even clean up after him. It’s a great life, really.
With the exception of Liam’s stupid, broad shouldered, entirely too big mate, the one who always comes over to watch sports with him. Louis hates that guy. His hair is always greasy and he brings weird hipster beer with him when he comes that tastes like shit. And he won’t even let Louis have any of it, either. The only reason Louis even knows what it tastes like is because one time he stole a bottle from the fridge and fled to his room before Harry could catch him.
Been Gone Way Too Long by whoknows
“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”
Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.
“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.
Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.
Back Where I Belong by whoknows
Harry’s trying to have a conversation with Nick, who he hasn’t seen in nearly three months, but the way Nick’s eyes keep darting over his shoulder every few seconds is quite distracting.
It’s ironic, because at least a quarter of the reason that he’s even talking to Nick in the first place is because he needs a distraction. He’s all too aware of exactly what’s going on behind his back.
Nick is the one who finally brings it up. “Do you think he’s doing it to spite you?”
“He’s definitely doing it to spite me,” Harry answers tightly, resisting the urge to crane his neck around so he can see. He clutches his drink a little tighter, trying to keep his tenuous control over his own movements.
Something in the World Today by whoknows
It shouldn’t be a surprise, the first time that Louis drops to his knees in front of Harry. It shouldn’t be, because it’s been something that Louis has needed for a long time. It shouldn’t be, because he’s been crawling out of his skin for weeks on end. It shouldn’t be, because Harry always makes him feel better. It shouldn’t be, because he’s needed this even when he didn’t know that he needed it.
Somehow, it still is.
End of the World Tonight by whoknows
“You remember when you told me that you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life?” Louis asks. His voice trembles a bit, exposing exactly how much he hates what he’s about to do. How much he wishes that he wasn’t about to do it.
“I remember,” Harry says. His expression is a little lost, like he thinks that they’re about to have a fight and he’s not sure what they’re supposed to be fighting about. Louis closes his eyes because he has to, has to take a second to regain his courage. He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep suffering, can’t keep killing himself trying to hide this. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time.
Ain't No Tellin' Who's In Charge Here by whoknows
The thing about Louis’ and Harry’s dynamic is that while Louis is the instigator of 99% of the foolishness, Harry will always come back at him with something ten times dirtier than whatever Louis had thought up. Of course, Louis can’t let that go, so he does something else, so Harry has to do something else, and then it’s a vicious cycle that continues until one of them makes a plea for a truce.
It’s like that even when they’re at home. Sometimes it’s like that especially while they’re at home, because Louis gets bored easily and Harry is just such an easy target. The point is that the kind of foolishness that Louis is known for doesn’t stop when the cameras stop rolling, so when Louis lets himself into Harry’s bedroom at 5:30 in the morning to annoy Harry into waking up before he goes for a run is completely normal and to be expected.
Except that it turns out not to be so normal.
As Wicked As Anything Could Be by whoknows
It starts when Louis decides that he wants to lose his cherry and announces that he thinks the best way to do that is by going to a gay club. Naturally, Harry can’t let him go alone, so he tags along and spends the night rating guys with Louis until someone finally catches Louis’s eye.
Harry shoves him out to dance with the guy, and he can already tell that it’s going to be a quick and dirty hook up, so he’s not surprised that Louis and the guy disappear into the bathroom ten minutes later.
It is a surprise when Louis comes out not even two minutes later, pale and clammy, grabs Harry by the hand and drags him right out the door.
Somehow Harry comes to the decision that it would be a good idea for him to be in the room with Louis while Louis gets laid.
It’s a stupid fucking decision.
where your lips land by BriaMaria
A love story told through Louis' tattoos.
... or the Tyler Knott Gregson-inspired AU where Louis is a poet who lives in Montana and Harry is a photographer passing through.
From the poem: "I put new ink where your lips have landed/I cover your kisses with reminders" -- TKG
and marshmallows by BriaMaria
Louis Tomlinson’s ass was wet. Well the whole back of him was wet, but it was really, really seeping through the thin jeggings that he swore to Lottie were jeans. In this moment, though, lying spread eagle in the snow bank that was his front yard he admitted that they were indeed some kind of useless fabric that wasn’t denim.
“Ummm.” The voice was deep, hesitant and came from the little walk leading up to Louis’ house. Fucking fantastic. Someone to witness his misery. “Are you alright?”
Louis squeezed his eyes shut hoping that the person would just go away.
--
The one where Harry has a personal attachment to Louis' house, and Louis can't stop picturing the beautiful stranger dancing in his kitchen.
For Your Eyes Only by BriaMaria
Harry and Louis had never broken the two-week rule before. When they did, we got If I Could Fly and Home.
When The Stars Come Out by BriaMaria
Louis was about to reassure Harry further when Gemma bounded back over to him, slipping a hand around Louis' waist. Harry’s eyes followed the movement. And then that lip gnaw again. Christ. How was he supposed to survive this weekend?
He turned his attention to Gemma as her palm came to rest right above his heart. Laying it on a bit thick, dear. Or at least that’s what he hoped he’d conveyed with the simple tilt of an eyebrow.
In response, she went up on tiptoes and laid a noisy kiss on the hollow beneath his cheekbone. Louis didn’t take his eyes off Harry, who watched the scene play out with a blank expression. Once Gemma dropped back to the ground, Harry shifted away from them, his gaze dropping to his feet.
[Or the one where Louis pretends to be Gemma's boyfriend for her horrid cousin's wedding but fate is a nasty jerk and throws Harry in his way.]
An Ever-Fixed Mark by larryandgaystuff (cnd8544)
Louis has zero chance of passing Literature. At least without a tutor who knows Shakespeare well enough to recite it as if those words were his own. And he finds just that, and a lot more, in Marcel.
The course of true love never did run smooth. But is it worth it?
Just Stop Your Crying (It's a Sign of the Times) by larryandgaystuff (cnd8544)
My own imagining of the inspiration for Sign of the Times. Featuring boys in love, even after all this time.
Petrichor by larryandgaystuff (cnd8544)
Louis moves back home after graduating from college and finds out that Harry hasn’t changed much in the ways that matter and neither have his feelings for him. His hair is longer and his voice is deeper and he now owns the bakery where they worked as kids. But his eyes are just as bright and his dimples are just as beautiful and he’s still everything Louis wants. Niall and Liam basically help them both get their shit together because what else is new.
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yuri-cocaine · 8 years ago
Text
thief.
follow-up to this thief.
“Stage five growth complete. Releasing Subject 08 from the incubation chamber.”
She woke from a deep, deep sleep. She had a faint memory of a dream where she looked out of a window at lights flickering on the water.
“This is the youngest one out of the bunch!” said the researcher. She smiled at a young woman with long black hair and dark red eyes. “Hello there! Have you slept well?”
Subject 08 looked up at the sound of the researcher’s voice, and then around at the dim lights, the humming magitek engines, and at the row of other pods being drained and opened by other researchers. She sniffled, tears welling in her eyes, and then she cried and cried.
“Ah! What did I do?”
The senior researcher sighed and tucked his pale hair behind his ear. “Haven’t you been briefed on this already? The subject’s mental level is that of a newborn infant. She won’t understand a word we say, and she can’t walk or talk or feed herself. The same goes for the rest.”
Subject 09, a man in his late thirties, emerged from his tank screaming and bawling as forcefully as Subject 08. The rest of them were all adults of varying ages, but they too were crying helplessly. An intern rushed forward with blankets.
The senior researcher pinched his temple and sighed. “Sedate them, please. Subjects one through seven should probably be done with their uploading by now. Let’s bring the rest in.”
“Yes, sir! It is kind of amazing that we could replicate Allagan cloning technologies now, isn’t it, sir?”
“With all due respect, Cilia, our technology is still leagues behind the Allagans. We’ll have to see our subjects can last more than a day before we can pat ourselves on the back.”
She woke from a deep, deep sleep. She had a dream about sitting on a windowsill, watching city lights flicker and glisten on the inky canal waters. Her father was telling her a story about sailing out to sea. Her mother was handing her a cup of hot milk. It was a comfortable dream, and she longed to return to it. Harsh white light shone into her eyes as someone helped her up.
“Hello there,” said a bespectacled Garlean man. He was checking things off on a clipboard, and the researcher beside him was staring at her, stupefied.
“Can you understand me?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“What is your serial designation?”
“08.”
“Good, good. Can you hold up two fingers on your right hand?”
Subject 08 did so. The researcher jotted something down, and then asked, “All right. Very good. Now, how many fingers am I holding up?”
Subject 08 looked. “Zero. You are not holding up your hands.”
“Very good! So far things are proceeding apace. Ah, Cilia, can you give her something to wear before she moves onto the next test?”
She was given a plain white robe. A strange machine had forcibly uploaded knowledge, emotions, motor skills, morals and ethics, logical thinking, imagination, and, most importantly, a few memories of her original into her brain in the span of five hours. The younger researcher, Cilia, told her that it was made possible through tomestones, and spoke for a long time on the wonders of such ancient technology. Cilia stopped talking and thought for a moment, then removed her white hairband and put it onto Subject 08 instead as if she was adding an accessory to a doll.
“Just calling you Subject 08 is a bit droll, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you rather have a real name?”
“I was not given a name other than my serial designation.”
“Oh, come now! Everyone has a name. Here, let’s call you…Aisling Lee. That was your original, you know?”
“Original what.”
“The sample from which we have cloned you from. You are a somatic cell clone of Aisling Lee. I guess you can think of yourself as Aisling reborn!”
There were fourteen of them, and they lived in a room lit by white light with no windows and no furniture other than fourteen chairs and a table. Aisling was the youngest at the biological age of 23, and the oldest was Daring Falcon at the biological age of 39. Eleven of them were Hyuran, but there was also a pair of Miqo’te, a Lalafell, and a Roegadyn. They all wore the same white robes, and they all had no personality at all.
At various hours of the day, researchers would come in and initiate activities. Sometimes it was coloring pictures, and other times they were asked to draw their own pictures. Sometimes it was reading aloud from a book, or doing arithmetic worksheets, or stacking wooden blocks to make little buildings, or listening to somebody playing music just outside the locked door. Everything they did was monitored closely, from what they ate to when they slept. Eventually, their blankness began to give way to some semblance of individuality. A few of them preferred to draw instead of do math, some others enjoyed reading and storytelling, the sole Roegadyn loved dancing to music, and they all had preferences for what they liked to eat and when they wanted to sleep.
When they fell ill was monitored as well. Aisling had fainted one day while telling a story she made up on the spot to some researchers, and they increased the number of pills they made her take before she could eat her meals. She had also fallen asleep once and didn’t wake for two days, and they shut her in another tank and pumped chemicals into her brain through a long tube. Before the first month was over, three subjects died in their sleep.
--------------------
“Are you excited to go outside for the first time?” asked Cilia. She led Aisling down a hallway.
“What does the air outside taste like? Is it different from the room and the laboratory?” asked Aisling.
“What does the air taste like? I don’t think air really has a taste. That’s such a funny thing to ask!” Cilia giggled to herself, and then noted this on her clipboard.
Aisling stepped out onto a barbwire-fenced yard, and gazed up at the rosy morning sky. It was a crisp autumn day, and the new red and black dalmatica she wore wasn’t very warm. She ran a mile and lifted weights for her test today, and that night they put her in an incubation tank despite her wishes to sleep in her cot. They gave her more and more pills to take, and then they began her combat training. After several months of new training and new tests, five more subjects died.
“This is incredibly ineffective,” said the bespectacled senior researcher one day as he watched Aisling strike at a punching bag with her bare fists. “The initiative hinges on the success of rapid growth and development, but it would seem our technology isn’t advanced enough to keep their body stable after they emerge from their incubation chambers. The surviving subjects will only last for five years at most even with supplementary enzymes.”
“The nobles won’t want to live on in such a fragile state,” noted Cilia.
“No, they will not. Also, have you any idea how expensive this project is? Nearly twenty million spent on crafting a bunch of deteriorating clones. Even if we use them as disposable infantry, it’s simply far too expensive to make them in the first place.”
“So state funding will be cut off starting next month, right?”
“Yes, and private funding too most like, once the results are out. Well, at least we won’t be out of a job after this.” The senior researcher stretched and yawned. “We’ll have to dispose of the remaining clones after funding’s cut.”
“I suppose the most efficient way is to incinerate them,” said Cilia.
“Truly? I was thinking we’d just dump them in Eorzea. It’s not as if they hold any intelligence of worth to those savages.”
Aisling let her fists fall to her sides, and strode over to the senior researcher. She had heard what they were saying, but she wasn’t sure how to process their words. Something’s wrong with me, she thought. Is it with my body? Maybe my head? I don’t really feel sad that I’ve failed to meet their expectations. But I don’t know what makes me sad, either.
She was a thing of void. She held blankness in her mind, and she felt nothing with her heart. All she wanted was to go back to sleep and dream of those city lights upon the water. That was home, she thought. When she thought of what home was, she thought of that windowsill and of her parents’ voices. But how could that be? She had no parents, and she had never been anywhere outside the room and the laboratory and the fenced yard.
In the end, the staff agreed it would be too costly to fire up a furnace and burn the remaining clones to cinders or kill them with force or poison, so they decided to drop them in the East Shroud just beyond Baelsar’s Wall. None of them held any memories of anything other than that they were the failed prototypes of a Garlean project, and so they would not be tracked after their release.
Aisling was given a new white robe to wear and some simple shoes as well as bag containing enough medications for a month. Aisling reached up to return her hairband to Cilia, but the researcher stopped her.
“Oh no, you don’t have to give that back! You can keep it! Unless you want a different color, perhaps?”
Cilia smiled at Aisling’s emotionless face. To her, Aisling was a doll. The most lifelike, wonderful doll she had ever played with, but still a doll. She hadn’t been a child who got attached to her toys. If she lost one, she could replace it with another. She wasn’t sorry at all that Aisling was about to be thrown away into a place as wild and wretched as Eorzea.
“No,” said Aisling. “Um, I did want to ask something. About this dream I had.”
Cilia sighed. “Again? I told you, that’s just residual memories left over from your original. We told you already that the original Aisling Lee lived in Ala Mhigo with her father Odinel Lee and her mother Kinako Naeuri. Your dreams are your original’s memories.”
“Will I be able to see it in real life if I go to Ala Mhigo?” asked Aisling.
“Of course not, it’s most likely destroyed anyways,” answered Cilia. She looked at Aisling and felt a jolt of shock. Aisling’s eyes shone as if full of hope, and then her gaze dropped as if she was disappointed. Well, that’s new, thought Cilia. I’d make a note if the project weren’t canceled.
Aisling thought of a new question. “Will I be able to go to Yanxia, and find where my mother lived?”
“Listen, we told you over and over you don’t have a mother,” said Cilia, exasperated. “But as for your question, yes, you can go wherever you want after we release you.”
“Oh…thank you.” Aisling smiled a wobbly, heartfelt smile. Cilia pursed her lips. She decided she liked Aisling better with no expression after all. There was something so creepy about dolls smiling.
--------------------
She woke from a deep, deep sleep. The sun was shining down in slants through a forest canopy. She laid there on her bed of moss and gnarled roots, listening to the birdsong and the rustling leaves and the buzz of insects. Shadows drifted across the forest floor.
She didn’t remember how she came to be here. She remembered boarding an airship, and after that it was darkness. Her first thought was that this was a dream. Perhaps the original Aisling had been to a forest once, and fell asleep among the roots of an old oak tree.
She got up and felt the languor in her limbs was very much real, and the breeze and the mud and smell of soil and leaf mold were real too. The wind carried a faint scent of wood smoke, and she felt hungry.
It was time to wander.
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longlivemystories · 6 years ago
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A Day in the Life
(I DIDN”T DIE WTF HEY GUYS)
Fandom: SCP Foundation Short description: See what its like in the Foundation through the eyes of 4 different OC SCPS Rating: Mature Tags/Warnings: NSFW, Violence, Blood, Bullying Chapter: 1
1.
     I glanced back at my beat up car, already being sprinkled with the sand as a fierce wind whipped the particles around. Tired eyes turned to focus behind the chain link fence at the massive building. So many guards... Hopefully, I won't be shot down... I awkwardly clambered over a shorter portion of the fence, catching the sleeve of my hoodie on one of the spirals of barbed wire. The cloth ripped, however, my skin went unscathed so I brushed myself off and continued on, towards the high concrete walls, also topped with barbed wire. It didn't take long for a pair of heavily armored guards to notice and stop me.      "You. Stop."     I obliged and stood nervously, fidgeting with the hem of my sleeves.”     "What are you doing here?" demanded the other.     "I-... this is the Foundation, right?" I sputtered, the nerves welling up in my belly.     They glanced between each other.     "Who are you?" the first one snapped, turning back to me, gun aimed at my chest.     "Mm... I think... I-I think I'm a danger to society."     Saying it out loud was hard. I practiced saying it all the way here, but saying it out loud was too much and the words caught in my throat.     After a moment, a guard moved forward.     "Come with us now."      I followed the guards inside, both aiming heavy artillery at me as though I could possibly kill them in an instant. Not surprising, I considered some of the things I'd heard about this place. They lead me inside, into some large open area where people were constantly walking back and forth between doors on opposite ends of the room. A large percentage of the people wore lab coats while others were either in guard or prison uniforms. One of my own guards called to someone wearing a suit, a rather expensive looking one, who came over. He, a tall man with pitch black hair and angry eyes, looked at me, then the guards quizzically.     "Sir, our apologies. This civilian wandered onto our premises and claimed to be a threat to society," the first, taller guard explained.     "An SCP?" he inquired, returning his gaze to me, looking more armed.     "Supposedly, sir."     The suited man shifted his weight onto one leg and considered something. He then took out a walkie and called for a Dr. Shep to meet him in exam room 2B. I shifted, biting the inside of my lip in uncertainty. What had I gotten myself into? I knew what I was capable of, what I could cause, and yet I was still nervous about selling my soul to the devil. I was about to give up total freedom to these people in the hopes that no more lives were lost.     Fingers snapping in my face brought me back. I focused my gaze on the suit in front of me.     "I am O5- [redacted]. From this point on you are going to be treated like any other SCP, understand?"     "Uh--"     "You will be subjected to tests, physical, mental and emotional. You will be cleaned vigorously, dressed in scrubs and given a thorough medical exam. Is that understood?" he demanded.     My eyes flickered, focusing on one or the other of his eyes. Was he serious? They really were going to strip me of my privacy and all for what? Because I might,j just/might/ kill someone again? Or because I /already/ killed someone, no matter how vile, and am in need of some sort of justice? I glance nervously over to the initial guards who brought me here as if they might hold some answers in their emotionless helmet visors.     "Y-yeah..." I mumbled, finally tearing my gaze away from the guards, turning it towards the O5.     He nodded and turned, motioning for us to follow him. I hugged myself, a coping mechanism I've used for years, tightening my sweatshirt around myself tightly. We stopped in front of a room marked 'Exam Room 2B'. After swiping his card, the O5 opening the door and allowed me to enter first. This strangely looked like a normal doctor's exam room, with pamphlets and posters on both normal and unheard of diseases and how to prevent them. I glanced back at the others, specifically the guards, but it was the O5 who motioned towards the medical cot.     "Dr. Shep will be here soon enough, so sit tight until then."     "Wait--"     Before the tall man could leave, he sighed and turned somewhat towards me.     "Don't you... well... want to know?" I mumbled, glancing between him and the guards nervously.     "I'll read the reports later," he responded, leaving curtly.     The guard who initially talked to me stepped inside only to hand me a pile of clothes.     "There's a shower through that door," he informed me once I had accepted what I assumed to be scrubs. "Clean thoroughly."     "W-wait," I sputtered.     He waited more patiently than the O5.     "What's your name?"     The guard paused, then glanced down at his chest before sighing. He turned back to the other guard, who had apparently been listening, and was frantically searching his pockets. A moment later, he pulled what looked to be an ID card from his pocket and returned it to the other guard.     "Sorry, Hu-- Jenckles," he sputtered.     The guard, apparently Jenckles, sighed and clipped on his name tag before turning back to me.     "This is Donahue and I'm Jenckles," he finally responded. "We might not always be your guards, but it's a high probability considering we made initial contact. Now, go shower before the doctor arrives."     I glanced between them a moment more before doing as I was told. The bathroom's shower looked more like a decontamination chamber, but that was probably for the best. The soap burned my skin, but I dealt with it and once I was dressed, returned to the exam room. I paused upon seeing a short woman, scratching something down on a paper.     "Sit on the cot," she said briskly without even turning.     I tentatively sat my clothes on a nearby counter. Was this the doctor? I sincerely hoped so. The thought of dealing with a male doctor made me nervous, especially with a most likely extensive exam. Suddenly, the woman turned toward me, quirking an eyebrow.     "Can you hear me?"     "O-oh, uh... yeah..." I mumbled, hurrying over to the cot and sat down. "Sorry..."     "No need to apologize. I just need to gather all the information I can," she said, sitting on a rolling chair and moving closer. "I'm Dr. Shep and I'll be performing several exams. Let me know if you're uncomfortable."   �� "I uh... was under the impression I didn't have a choice," I responded, playing with the hem of my shirt.     She snorted. "We're cold, not cruel. We won't strap you to a bed and probe you."     I shifted somewhat, though that did put me at ease.     "So, have you ever been to see a doctor before?"     "O-once when I was a baby," I mumbled.     She glanced up at me before jotting something down. "Any serious illnesses?"     "No... I've never been sick."     "Not even a common cold?" she inquired incredulously.     "No... or... yeah? Just-- never been sick," I sighed, shrinking into myself somewhat.     "Interesting."     Several dozen more questions and exams later and I was left alone while she went to call someone.  The door opening startled me and I looked nervously up at Jenckles.     "Come with me."     I willingly followed him and Donahue out. Down several confusing hallways and many locked doors, we finally arrived at a bigger, more open room with only a metal table and two chairs. In one of the chairs was a man wearing an orange jumpsuit with a tag labeled D-02142. I glanced back at my guards. Donahue offered a thumbs up while Jenckles just stared at me until I took a few tentative steps inside.     "Sit at the table." The intercom in the corner crackled with the demand.     I flinched at how loud it was but did as I was told and sat in the opposite chair, not pushing it in. We sat silently for a few minutes before the intercome interjected.     "D-02142. Attack SCP-5023."     I squinted for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell that meant before whipping my head toward the intercom, then back toward the scraping noise. The man stood up so quickly, his chair went crashing to the ground and suddenly he was brandishing a pocket knife, open and ready. I stumbled as I stood, scraping my chair against the floor.     "W-wait, you don't h-have to," I sputtered quickly, voice tight.     The man furrowed his brows and started circling the table, so of course, I started around the other side. My heart pounded in my chest. I came here to not use my abilities on anyone.     "Please, I'm begging you," I whimpered, constantly changing directions to avoid the much larger man.     "Ain't nothin' against you, darlin'," he growled, twirling the knife in hand. "It's either you or me, babe and I'm just--"     Suddenly, he flipped the lightweight table out of the way and rushed toward me. Dipping out of the way, I stumbled to my knees and scrambled up.     "I-it's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry. Five days since you laughed at me, saying get that together, come back and see me."     The words, although sung in the correct pitch and tempo, were shaky and only when the D-personnel stopped moving, did I. As lyrics spilled from my lips, the large man turned toward the corner where a young girl covered in stab wounds and blood stood, cocking her head to the side quizzically.     "Daddy?"     The man's knife clattered to the ground, as did he. He muttered something under his breath, reduced to incoherent whispers and whimpers as he struggled to back away from the young girl.     "Daddy, why?" she asked, voice gurgling with blood as it spilled out the corners of her mouth. "Why?"     "Oh god," cried the D-person, tears streaming down his face.     Muffled screams could be heard and when the door burst open, I shut my mouth, focusing on the heavy artillery shoved in my face as armed guards crossed the room hastily. Jenckles motioned to Donahue, who gathered the prisoner and ushered him out. Backed into the corner, I tried to stop my lip from trembling as I stared at my guard.     "If you value your life, you won't open your mouth," he warned.     I nodded, blinking away tears.
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thestarr-girl · 7 years ago
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dear future lover
I am an independent strong woman yet a hopeless romantic. I am a living paradox
I am a paradox I want to be happy but I think of things that make me sad. I have no energy yet I am ambitious I dont like myself yet I love who I am.I crave attention but reject it hen it comes my way. I am committed yet relaxed. i love everyone and yet noone. she is sociable but also a loner she is gentle yet tough she is passionate but can also be platonic am unpredictable in my predictability.I will be hard to love
I am 11 years old, I have no relationship with my family except for the only person I love my gran and she has just died. She was my protector against my parents abuse, my supporter, best friend the only person I could rely on and the only one who understood me. I learn that I do jot deal well with loss. Food becomes something I can control.
 I am 14 years old and have just celebrated my birthday in the psychiatric hospital. A few days ago a girl came into my room and ripped up all my things and threw it out the windows. I can hear the insane screaming and rattling down below me. My parents have decided I can no longer starve myself to death. I finally am able to figure out who I am surrounded by these tortured people. I am 14 and I may have recovered from anorexia but my body will never be the same. Any confidence in my body has disappeared and all walls are high. Self harm becomes a way to deal with the overwhelming of the world. I trust no one and rely on noone.
 I am 15 and know the evil of man. I know what men want and the lengths they will go to. I learn to dissociate instead of fighting.
 I am 16 and try drugs at school. While everyone is having a great time I try throw myself off the bus. Substances and my medication do not mix. I also realise that I've fought so hard to become the person I am I do not need substances to alter myself and can't understand why others would. I start losing friends. I am 16 and my crush tell me I am too fucked up to date. This is after I write him love letters and he violates me around the classroom at school. I have multiple breakups
 I am 17 and have found someone who tells me they love me and for the first time he stays and proves it. He is like no one I've ever met. He is emotional and cries, he constantly tells me how beautiful I am, he is a Christian and barely drinks and doesn't do drugs, he is thoughtful and leaves me little notes, he can quote poetry and is smart and older than me. He loves his family and has what I felt a strange loving relationship with them, he surprises me, is protective of me and puts me first. He kisses my scars and holds me during the panic attacks. He can tell exactly what each of my smiles mean He stays even though I try push him far away. We do long distance for two years and it works for us. He makes me believe in story book love again, helps me gain trust in men 🚹 and we lose our virginity to one another in the candlelight listening to Ben Howard. I finally let myself fall in love with him after an entire year. I vomit after telling him because being vulnerable is my greatest fear. To take that risk of maybe losing another person I love and lose the only other person who understands me. 
 I am 18 and my boyfriend has his first psychotic breakdown due to drugs and stress. I am verbally and emotionally abused and accused of getting him involved in drugs which is a lie. I am attacked by a girl in a club who thinks I slept with her boyfriend. 
 I am 19 dropped out of university and am back home with my now bipolar diagnosed boyfriend. He starts drinking and gets abusive punching mirrors, threatening guys who talk to me, calling me names and vomiting on my floor. His parents turn a blind eye and I am left being his mother and protector, having a to reprimand him when he sneaks in a smoke. He has another psychotic episode and proposes to me. And then tries to elope with me. I am 19 and having to deal with someone going through a manic breakdown because his parents do not know what to do. Then my love breaks up with me while he is in hospital and leaves.
I am 19 and  I spend my Valentines Day trying to understand why I have bruises all over my body and why I was found wandering the streets with no underwear. I am 19 and diagnosed with HPV after I have had apparent sex with a stranger in the parking lot while I am black out drunk. I will not let it be rape. I am 19 and have had alcohol poisoning three times. I have slept around not because I want too but I I am hollow and dissociated and go through the year a ghost of who I am anxiety my new best friend.
 I am 20 and diagnosed with ptsd and borderline personality disorder. I have tried to kill myself. I no longer have walls. Where once I had little emotion I now am raw, every little thing makes me collapse in tears. It’ s impossible to function. I plan to commit suicide after a festival. However my ex and I our stories are not complete and we spend a blissful extra year together however the person I fell in love with is no longer the same and I have to accept this loss 
I am 20 and finally have my first orgasm. they are fleeting and need complete focus but I am finally getting them.
I am 21 and just a few days after my birthday my boyfriend tells me has cheated on me. Again. This time I do not break. This time I do not need him because I know who I am and what I am capable of. I know what I deserve. 
I am 21 and my HPV is now manifested into benign cancer. I have been on medication for over a decade now. The only person I’ve managed to orgasm with was my ex. my body has changed from the sudden weight loss and gain the complications of my hpv has left me in a turmoil of my sexual self. As if sex wasn't already a massive issue for me. Still I am not broken.
Please remember my soul is fragile. My walls are high but if you can climb over I promise you it is worth the effort. Understand I love having fun but I’ve had to grow up long before. I will forever be able to taste how many drinks you’ve had and smell for the tell tale of smoke. I don’t mean too but this is what I had to do for my past lover. He was an addict and I was addicted to him. Don’t think that I am being controlling it is just a reminder of the way I’ve had to adjust. Realise that I will become hyper aware and unconsciously count the amount of drinks or ciggy you’ve had. I will also be able to tell you how much calories everything has as I’ve had to deal with my own demons. I am scarred physically and mentally. My body is the canvas of the pain that I’ve endured. So please forgive me if I come across aloof and emotionally unattached. It’s my defence mechanism. I am a tortured animal that needs to gain your trust. I will come closer and pull away all the time testing, believing you will leave me. Please prove me wrong. 
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How a Fibromyalgia Warrior Takes Control of Her Joint Health + GIVEAWAY
New blog post!
This post is generously sponsored by GOPO. 
When you have fibromyalgia, trial and error is a regular part of everyday life. You tweak your medications, your workout routine and even the foods you eat (perhaps going as far to try a gluten free diet for fibromyalgia), all in the hopes of finding a happier, healthier you. I'd be lying to say that I've found the secret formula to eliminating my fibromyalgia pain. However, in my 10-year journey with chronic illness, I've discovered several tricks that help me manage my fibromyalgia symptoms. One of the most recent additions? A joint health supplement called GOPO, which three lucky winners will get the chance to try for themselves.
Keep reading to learn four ways this fibromyalgia warrior takes control of her joint health and to enter the GOPO giveaway!
1. Keep a food journal or jot down what you ate before having a flare, and try to avoid dietary triggers. 
I get it. Keeping a food journal is tedious and time-consuming. And, as always, you should talk with your doctor before making any big changes to your diet.  If you're sick of randomly feeling cruddy after meals, though, a food journal can be a good place to start!
My kind of food journal!
Take me, for example. I have to eat a gluten free diet due to celiac disease. When I continued to battle joint pain and bloating after going gluten free, though, I started paying attention to what gluten free foods were still triggering flare ups. What did I discover? For one thing, corn and I do not get along. Whether it's in the form of pasta, chips or corn on the cob, corn messes with my stomach and my joints. I also stumbled upon the low fodmap diet (just google that phrase if you aren't familiar with it), and pinpointed over foods on my body's no-go list (like garlic and mango). How you keep a food journal is up to you. Personally, I kept a "visual" journal by taking pictures of my meals (Instagram photos with a purpose!). You don't have to keep a food journal forever, either. Maybe start with a week, see if you have any flares with identifiable triggers, and go from there!
2. Find the exercise routine that works for your body. 
Repeat after me: everybody is different...and every body is different too. Some of my friends feel awesome running several days a week and doing nothing else. Others love weight lifting and hardly ever do cardio.
At the bottom of The Incline!
Personally, I've found that a mix of different often low-intensity exercises suits my body best. Yoga can help me stretch out and release tension after a long day of computer work. Biking lets me get cardio without hurting my knees. Weight lifting - after years of slowly building up strength and learning what moves don't trigger a fibromyalgia flare up - helps me feel like a (mini) badass. And, most recently, trying out rock climbing or long hikes (like the infamous Manitou Incline!) is good for my soul. The point is that you should find the exercises that work for you and your body. Keep in mind that your "perfect" workouts may change with time. Recently, I re-aggravated an old IT band strain, which means my stationary bike, long walks and yoga are majorly off-limits. Instead, easy stretching, weight lifting and short stints on the elliptical are what my body needs right now.
I'll also say this: don't give up hope. Sure, it's super frustrating when you try (and maybe even love) a new exercise routine, only to be hit by a major fibromyalgia flare the next day. But when you learn the workouts that actually work for your body? That feeling is worth all of the time and mistrials!
3. Listen to your body - and don't feel ashamed or embarrassed to cancel plans if you need to.
In a culture full of FOMO (or Fear of Missing Out), it can be easy to feel obligated to always be social, productive and, well, on. I know I often fall victim to this mindset; when I'm not in class, I'm working on homework. When I'm not working on assignments for school, I'm just plain working. And even when I have some "free time," I'm often spending it on (rewarding but brain-consuming) activities like blogging. When your body is screaming that you that you need to slow the heck down, though, try to listen. Consider telling your friends the basics about fibromyalgia, so that they can better understand why you sometimes feel like Superwoman (or Superman)...and sometimes can barely get out of bed. Instead of full-out canceling plans, you can also suggest flare-friendly alternatives like a movie marathon or a relaxing night under the stars.
Equally socially awkward roommates help too...
When you do need to cancel plans outright, don't beat yourself up about it. I vividly remember how, during my last semester of college, I accidentally took my pills - including my sleeping medicine - four hours early. I had an important class that night, but I knew I'd be a zombie by the time it started. I cried, hated the fact that I had to worry about taking pills at all, and, in the end, I missed that important class. But the world didn't end, my final grade didn't fall off a cliff, and I got the sleep that my body obviously needed. You didn't choose to have a chronic illness, but you can choose not to blame yourself for needing to slow down every once in a while. And that decision can make a huge difference.
4. Look into supplements like GOPO. 
The newest "trick" I've added to my joint health routine is a supplement called GOPO Rosehip with Galactolipids. If you've never heard of GOPO, it's probably because it's more well-known (and commonly used) in Europe. However, GOPO is now available in America...and if you're looking for a way to upgrade your joint health, this supplement could help.
How does it work? You can thank the galactolipids found naturally in rose hip, which is the fruit of a rose. Galactolipids are thought to aid joint and joint tissue health*, and GOPO's rose hip is designed to be especially potent and targeted toward joint care. GOPO only contains three ingredients - rose hip, hypromellose, and vitamin C (sodium ascorbate) - and is free of gluten, wheat, yeast, dairy, lactose, shellfish and animal products. 
So what has my experience been with GOPO? It would be an exaggeration to say that my joint pain has disappeared since I started taking GOPO. However, combined with my usual stretching and trigger-free diet, my joints have been handling the weather changes and stress associated with moving to a new state much better than I anticipated. Slowly but surely, my leg injuries have also been improving. I couldn't have found a better time to try out GOPO, either. Since rose hip is naturally high in Vitamin C, GOPO is a great secret weapon for staying healthy during back to school season!
As I've said earlier in this post, what works for me may not work for you and, in my experience, a combination of different lifestyle changes and treatment plans is often needed to live your healthiest and happiest life with fibromyalgia. However, when I hear about a supplement that offers a natural way to improve my joint health, it definitely catches my attention.
If you're curious about how GOPO would affect your joint health and want to try it for yourself, you can find GOPO at The Vitamin Shoppe, Vitamin World and stores like Kroger and Walgreens. If you enter my GOPO-sponsored giveaway below, though, you could be one of the three lucky winners to receive a voucher for a free bottle of GOPO (up to a $29.99 value)!
GOPO Giveaway Rules
This giveaway ends on August 25 at 12 AM Central time, and the three winners will be announced here by August 27. This giveaway is only open to US residents over age 18, and the randomly selected winners will have 24 hours to respond to my email and claim their prize. There is no purchase necessary, the number of eligible entries received will determine the odds of winning, and this giveaway is void where prohibited by law.
Best of luck to everyone who enters!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
When you're living with fibromyalgia, finding a treatment plan that works for you can feel like searching for the holy grail. If you're feeling frustrated, though, just know this: small changes to your lifestyle, your diet or even your medications can make a big difference in your overall quality of life. And there's nothing more rewarding than finally figuring out what your body really needs!
*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
How do you take control of your joint health or overall health? Tell me in the comments below!
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