#also crazy how the lyrics in the first verse are almost word for word things that i put in the final chap for the first guest

[barblaz-arts]

I am OBSESSED with this animatic. The lyrics fit them so well and the uh whatchumacallit? Storyboard? It's so in character and so cuteeee

Like it's probably enough to tide me over until we get an actual chaggie duet

[melinoephilia]

Analyzing Anya & Xander's Duet

Aside from the general sadness of the episode, one of the sad things about "Once More With Feeling" is Anya and Xander's "I'll Never Tell" song. First, let's start with the most obvious. When Xander sings about Anya in this song, almost all his lines about her positives have to do with her body/looks and being in her "tight embrace" (we all know what he was really talking about). In fact, if you go through the lyrics of the song, the only time he compliments her personality is when he calls her a charmer and says she's sweller. But if we look at all the things he sang previously, is it charmer for her personality or because of what she does for him? (satisfy his sexual urges). On the opposite end of this, he has many criticisms of her personality within the song, "She clings. She's needy. She's also really greedy." Furthermore, if you want to take his insecurity lines into account, you can see that while, yes, he's insecure, which is fair, anyone can be insecure, they're also implying that he believes she's only with him for monetary purposes, and views him as disposable DESPITE her clear dedication to him (and willingness to live in his parents' basement). Don't even get me started on the "Am I marrying a demon" line. While I can understand that fear, on account she was a demon for a thousand or so years, it completely ignores all the human growth she had and character arc she went through.

Now let's start on Anya's verses. While yes, she does criticize him a bit, almost all her lines have to do with one of two things. A) the way he treats her. OR. B) insecurities centered solely on her. She doesn't compliment him much in this song, but she doesn't disparage who he is as person much either, and when she does it's either things all couples complain about like, "he snores" and most fair of all "his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe," or things that critique his behavior in their relationship, "I talk. He breezes." and "Say housework and he freezes." Now I will acknowledge one line she said "His eyes are really beady." Yes this is a diss against his appearance, but this also comes with her interrupting a long verse of him just disparaging her personality and she was like just trying to stop that train by changing the track. It should also be noted that this verse against her personality came directly after she called out his habit of hiding behind buffy when things get rough, so he is clearly lashing out having not liked the feeling of feeling emasculated. Another note is that all but one of her complimentary lines toward him have to do with his personality. "He's swell," and "My knight in shining armor."

From her lines in the song we can see how insecure he makes her, because ultimately we have to remember this is a song about their relationship. "Will I look good when I've gotten old," "when I get so worn and wrinkly. That I look like David Brinkley," "I've read this tale. There's wedding. Then betrayal," and most importantly "Like it's all just temporary."

Lastly, just a quick assessment on their perception of their relationship that comes in near the end of the song. Xander sings, "Am I crazy?" whereas Anya sings, "Am I dreaming?" She views this as a dream, something not possible but somehow is, whereas he views it as something crazy, a word with negative connotations, that what he's doing could be done by someone not in their right mind.

My summation? While this song is upbeat and peppy, it actually was telling us exactly how their love story would end, as well as who would be the one to run. Xander, as much as he's central to the scoobies, was and always will be a sexist coward. He never loved Anya, he only love what she could do for him, and she was also the only one interested in him.

Anya wasn't perfect, but she 100x deserved better.

[cinnamonbunpuff]

how a song changed my year.

achilles, achilles, achilles come down, won't you get up off, get up off the roof?

it's officially been one year since i first heard this song. it's kinda crazy how much can happen in that time, in reality and in mentality.

i still remember stumbling upon it. i'm sure i've seen it on my recommended in the past but this was the first time i really listened to it. it was late and i was sat on my bed, recovering from a cold. stressed over my barely-started application for some of the UC schools i never saw myself going to. i paused to take a little peruse through youtube, where i saw this performance. based on the song of achilles (a familiar name), and choreographed to achilles come down (an unfamiliar title).

i was drawn immediately in. not just by the smooth flow of the dancers portraying their characters, but by the power of the lyrics and how it affected what i was seeing of achilles, patroclus, and briseis.

and so i decided to look up the actual song and its lyrics, to see what they really were. and they were beautiful.

today of all days, see, how the most dangerous thing is to love,

this song, all seven minutes and two seconds of it, has seen me through so many monumental changes in my life. from growing positively mentally, to graduating high school and starting uni, to familial tensions.

how you will heal and you'll rise above, crowned by an overture bold and beyond,

it's honestly a wonder how i haven't grown bored or tired of it yet. and i think that's because every time i sit and really listen to it, there's always something new i'm discovering or interpreting, whether that be compositionally or lyrically.

to start, it was realising that the only instruments are strings - definitely a cello, and in all most likely a string quartet. as a violinist myself, i love hearing any use of strings in modern songs. having a whole song relying on the softness and dynamics of them though? that's gonna get me every time. how almost the entirety of the song is underlaid with the eighth notes of the cello, and throughout the verses the intermittence of the higher strings.

as i grew familiar with achilles come down, i discovered the power that all the lyrics held. there were a select few that drew my attention, from either how poetic they sounded, to how they seemed to mirror an aspect of my life that i didn't know could be put into words.

loathe the way they light candles in rome, but love the sweet air of the votives,

then there were the sections of spoken french. i thought that the addition of a second language in the song really added to it as a whole, but upon looking up (and attempting to translate what i could), i found that they added another level of melancholy. because what better way is there to make the song more emotional than including snippets of french philosophy about the value of life?

qu'on appelle une raison de vivre, est un même temps une excellent raison de mourir

through this year, i've found myself coming up with scenarios in my head, with this song playing in the background. mostly it's been with characters of my current hyperfixations, but i've found myself in these situations as well. it's definitely a reflection of who i see myself to be, but i hope it's also an envisioning to who i hope to be.

thank you to achilles come down for finding its way into my life. thank you for the past year, and i hope the next is just as exciting.

throw yourself into the unknown, with a pace and fury defiant

[dollarbin]

Shakey Sundays #10:

Living With War

(Rest assured Fair Reader, we'll get to this photo and its relationship with the album in question in good time; for now let's just wonder if Neil, on the right, is wearing blush or if he's blushing because he's just been seen associating with Stephen the Hutt, on the left. Again, we'll get there in good time! Now, on with the post...)

The teenagers I teach, who are all pretty awesome, arrive knowing almost nothing about modern events. Wait, they say, there was a war in Iraq? Are we talking about, like, recently? Were we alive? Wow. Dude, what'd you say? There were like two wars in Iraq? Were we in them? Iraq's a country, right? Who won?

Well, kids, no one won. But hundreds of thousands of people lost their lives. And millions are still suffering from the effects of the conflicts. And Iraq is, like totally, a country.

The teens come alive when you start to get into the details; I'm proud to stay pretty damn nonpartisan in the classroom but there's no way to teach these events without telling students the truth: the Bush administration lied. And I don't mean once. They lied over and over again for years. WMDs; links between Iraq and 9/11; government directed torture; death counts. And our country went along for the ride; we were so shell shocked by 9/11 that we, like totally, like literally, believed Iraq=Muslim + Saddam=Bad Guy therefore, War=Now.

Well not all of us bought it. I'm a very proud American and I did my patriotic duty by angrily protesting the Second Gulf War. I'm guessing many of you did too.

And when Neil Young woke up after years of shaggy dog Greendale story telling and Prairie Wind flatulence to rage against his adopted country's moral corruption, I felt relieved, proud and in sync with his anger.

Indeed, I'd argue that Living With War is a pretty cool chapter in Young's story. Not only was he right when he called us all out for being lazy and dumb, he also rehired his kick in the ass band from Eldorado and recorded everything with Ohio-level pace and boldness, writing and recording the album in less than two weeks and getting it out and into our ears within a month.

And just listen to the opening track! Young finds his riff on Old Black, nods at his six-cups-of-coffee drummer and then sounds immediately and deeply alive, shaking himself and all of us out of our Bush beer garden of complacency.

Cool, huh? It's almost 20 years later and George W. Bush's brand of homespun, ignorant evil appears quaint in comparison to the nonstop barrage of totalitarian terror being spouted on the campaign trail in and in the courts (seriously, if frozen embryos are now human beings why aren't refugees being welcomed with open arms and being offered all the jobs Americans like you and me rely on but refuse to do ourselves?) but I still feel pumped up when I listen to this song.

So why isn't the record a bigger deal? Why doesn't it shoulder its way into our thinking not just about Young but about that whole embarrassing era in our history? I'm afraid there are a few pretty good reasons why.

For one thing a lot of the writing sucks. In the earnest and almost soulful Roger and Out Young rhymes no words in the first verse, then decides to go big and connect "way" with "today" in the second verse, then shrugs and sets "today" alongside "yesterday" after that. This is coming from the guy who once wrote "roads stretch out like healthy veins, and wild gift horses strain the reigns." Come on Neil, confer with a dictionary.

One spot where the lyrics come alive in the upsetting and enjoyably silly The Restless Consumer. Check this frantic song out:

You can hear in the song that Young assembled a 100 person choir for this record and spent one 12 hour day teaching them to sing along with his best crazy grandpa voice on lines like:

Don't need no TV ad Telling me how sick I am Don't need to know how many people are like me Don't need no dizziness Don't need no nausea Don't need no side effects like diarrhea or sexual death

Roger that, Neil. When I see you live in April with the Horse (yes, I've got tickets, gods be praised) I promise I won't scream out from my cheap seats in the back about any of these topics you mention. But I will scream. Lots.

Another shortcoming on the record is Neil's unwillingness, or inability at that moment, to destroy and thereby uplift the songs with his own lead guitar.

Stroll through his wacky eclectic career and there are nearly no constants: one moment he's making violent computerized pop, the next he's impersonating Willie Nelson. By 2006 he had 40 years of proudly obstinate inconsistency under his belt. But Neil, at least when making band-oriented music, had - almost - always used a rhythm guitar player.

First there was Richie Furray and He Who Shall Not Be Named because he sucks.

(But that guitarist does appear, as we noted at the top, in today's opening photo from the Living with War era. You see, that's not Pizza the Hut standing with Neil in the image; it's You Know Who, or maybe we should call him You No Poo; Neil had a tour planned with Crosby, Satan and Nash long before he wrote and rushed out Living With War; then he foisted the record on them for their summer tour together; Stills was unimpressed by it all and complained a lot, probably because he'd voted for Bush in the first place and knew that the only people who still bought his records were dumb asses who'd followed his lead in the voting booth.)

Then along came Danny, Nils, Ben, and Poncho (and even Steve Cropper and the kids in Pearl Jam and Promise of the Reeled in Flounder). Occasionally, such as on Comes a Time and Old Ways, Neil used not one rhythm guitarist, but instead about 16 of them. He idolizes Hendrix but rarely tries to be him.

Living With War is, like the killer Eldorado, the snoozy Greendale and the confounding Le Noise that would soon follow, one of Neil's rare solo guitar attack moments. And, on this occasion anyway, it's a mistake.

Neil heard the album's basic tracks after his rushed and passionate recording session (he'd later release those first takes on their own as Living With War - In the Beginning) and knew there simply wasn't quite enough music to go around. He'd been too busy teaching the songs to the drummer, bass player and himself to remember to shred.

He could have summoned Poncho and given the whole project another week. He should have. Instead, he got all Bernard Shakey on us and brought in not just the 100 piece choir, who must have spent their 12 hour session alternatively inspired, snickering and baffled, but also a trumpeter. And we're not talking about Miles Davis and Don Cherry here.

Instead, it sounds like Neil stopped by the local high school, plucked the third chair from the marching band, then played slow enough to let him try, and fail, to keep up. Take a listen.

Even the choir and drunk trumpet weren't enough to entirely salvage such songs. You'll hear in the video above that Neil also brings back Re-ac-tor era space warfare sound effects and mixes in sound-clips of the Dubbya himself. This whole song and, for that matter, the whole album, is silly, inspired, simplistic, drunk and awesome all at once.

Sound like all the ingredients we need for another Shakey Sunday.

[adagioapassionato]

Thinking about...FACE by Jimin

FACE by Jimin recounts his struggle with escapism and how he eventually learns to accept his painful emotions and move forward with them by his side. The tracks, when listened to in order, create this narrative perfectly through their lyrics and sound. 

‘Face-Off’ is the beginning of a madness in the mind that you try to satiate with alcohol (or any unhealthy coping/escapist mechanism). The jaunty and mischievous melody at the beginning suggests a kind of disturbance, a dissonance, as if the mind is playing its own tricks and pranks on you. The song sounds distinctly like a drunken, confused argument. He describes a masquerade party and being drunk in the first verse, then screams “I don’t care about you” in the second, as though he’s trying to explain his feelings and justify himself to his own mind, to his own confusions, but his mind is addled by the disturbance taking over him, and he can’t clearly say what it is he’s trying to escape from. “Tonight I don't wanna be sober,” this line shows the face-off between negative and painful thoughts and wanting to avoid them and turning to alcohol or escapism instead. The repeating words in the chorus “Break it down/Get it out/Pour it out/Pour it down,” also suggest that Jimin is trying to escape the confusion and disturbance that is taking over him. He tries to escape it at first – breaking it down, getting it out, but soon he settles on ‘pour it out’ – he pours out the alcohol, and as he does so, (he thinks) he is pouring out his sorrows and confusion from his mind and setting them free. 

Then we have ‘Interlude: Drive’... it almost feels like we're travelling with the alcohol through Jimin’s veins into his mind and watching it take over him and slip into his dream that takes him away from the harsh reality. The music sounds hypnotic, silvery and fairy-like, as though a spell has been cast and you are slowly disconnecting from reality as it takes effect. The song also shows his confusion through the noises of various doors opening, as if he is trying different methods of drowning out his pain, or alternatively, different methods of escaping the spell the alcohol casts on him. However, he doesn’t succeed – he can’t find a way out. So, he finally settles into the spell of the alcohol at the end of the song – he pours it out into a glass and gulps it all down – almost in one go as he tries to escape the confusion and pain in his mind. 

The next track, ‘Like Crazy’, is the effect of the escapism working for a short time – he is lost in a dream in his head, he's escaped reality and is immersed in the bright lights of a party. Indeed, the very first line states “Baby, don’t think about it/There’s not a bad thing here tonight,” an illusion brought on by the alcohol that everything is perfect and he can simply push out his problems if he doesn’t think about them. He loses himself in the loud music and imagines himself in a “drama-like story.”  The song progresses as he loses himself in a night of drinking, and for a short while, he feels insanely happy – however, the end of the song shows how the drunkenness slowly wears off him, and he struggles to hold on to the last remnants of the intoxicating feeling – “No don’t you wake me/I wanna stay in this dream,” “Don’t you try to save me/I need a way we can dream on”. Interestingly, the song ends with “Alone again, what’s the point?” – seemingly a conclusion to this night of escapism, where he’s forced back into combating his loneliness and facing the fact that truly, he’s alone again. 

And sure enough, the next track is called ‘Alone.’ It describes what happens when the headiness of the escapism wears off and the reality comes crashing back around you. The focus here on Jimin’s plain, unedited voice with low accompaniment music shows the rawness of his emotion and problems. It can be contrasted with the use of auto-tune in the other tracks like Face-off – it is used over angrier parts, as though he wants his true emotions to escape but suppresses them under alcohol and escaping them, so you can't hear them clearly. But in ‘Alone’, he is laid bare and raw after everything wears off and he is forced to face it. The lyrics also reflect this struggle – Jimin finally confronts his problems, and realises, “I’m pretending to be okay every time/I’m so pathetic.” The chorus, with “The same day (the same day)/Flows again (flows again)”, captures the viciousness and stickiness of living through the same pain again and again, unable to escape. The post-chorus and refrain also perfectly describe such a breakdown – “Make it right/it’s gonna be alright/Lie, lie, lie, lie.” Although he tries to comfort himself and convince himself that he can make things right, that he will feel better and emerge from his pain, he can’t help but feel that all this is a lie and that he’ll be stuck here forever. 

The last track, ‘Set Me Free Pt. 2,’ is a resolution of all the above emotions. Jimin is set free of his desire to escape what he's going through. He accepts it and reconciles his emotions and then realises this is what will truly set him free from pain, not escapism. He realises how he’s been escaping his problems – “I wandered into a maze/Hennessy and night” – but now decides to move forward once he’s free of the pain – “I won’t look back/Fly away, butterfly/Finally free.” The pre-chorus captures clearly his reconciliation with his emotions – “I won’t hide anymore, even if it hurts/Going insane to stay sane/Raise your hands for the past me.” He accepts his past pain and problems and moves forward. He continues to throw himself into his passions and the things he loves, he would rather go insane with passion than insane with pain and escapism. This allusion to the lyrics from BTS’ ‘ON’, which suggested how they wanted to carry on by focusing on their love for music despite the hardships of success, fits perfectly as he explores these feelings through his personal lens rather than as a part of the group. The virtuosic music, contrasting with the gentle tones of ‘Alone,’ shows all his emotions coming together and a rejection of avoiding his problems, and the relief he feels at finally being free. 

I thus see FACE as a struggle against escapism, and a journey towards reconciling with one’s pain. Jimin’s ability to create a coherent narrative that was apparent to me before I even read the translations of the lyrics is incredible. The way he used the music, the lyrics and the emotion in his voice to convey these messages made me truly enjoy and love this album, and I particularly enjoy listening to the album in order, just so I can go through this journey with him each time. 

References:

FACE Album Lyrics English Translations

[mrschwartz]

i hope you're gonna make a post about big ideas bc the lyrics make me Crazy and i'm not strong enough to put my thoughts into words

i mean where even to begin.......

i've said this to some mutuals on pm but my starting point thinking about it is. the lyrics are So on the nose that it almost seems too (analytically) good to be true, like i almost want to do a 180 on what they seem to be at face value. bc when they started playing i ain't quite and i saw those lyrics i wanted to punch alex nvjndjnjfvn i had no idea what he's talking about there and i still don't, they're just as hermetic as the lyrics on tbhc if not more so, and it's gonna take the whole record and some time to chip away at them and catch a glimpse of what they might mean

but big ideas......

it's unambiguously about their trajectory as a band, isn't it? it's a meta commentary on the album itself, right?? god, do i dare throw this in here....... he's talking about how tbhc derailed, isn't he???

bc on one hand, when he says on the first verse "A conjured up wonderful thing / The ballad of what could've been" etc and on the chorus "The kind you'd rather not share over the phone / But now the orchestras got us all surrounded" makes me think that he's talking about the conception of the car, those initial songs he's been mentioning on interviews that were the starting point but they had to abandon or that turned into other songs. the phone line can prob even be taken literally, bc the only way he could've shared those ideas was over the phone bc of the pandemic, but he'd rather die lol, so all that time waiting out made him change his mind on them and then they evolved into how the album is now + the added bonus imagery of the musical ideas being so different from their previous records that he can't "share them over the phone" bc they're so secretive and can't be leaked. also there's "And I cannot for the life of me remember how they go", with "they" being the big ideas, so the initial concepts changed so much that he can't even remember what the original songs were like

on the other hand.....tho........those same lines + some other ones (we'll get here in a sec oof) sound so much like he's talking about how they were so excited for tbhc but gave up on it halfway through the era....... the ones that i mentioned could mean that the concept and the universe and the backstory he spent hours thinking about when coming up with tbhc went to waste when they and esp alex himself started getting bored with it (which ties with what was going on behind the scenes in 2018). that album had so much pontential for more mvs, for in-depth commentary, for fake documentaries about the universe, for conceptial photos etc etc out of the sheer nature of its premise. then they simply stopped treating it as something different and just went through the montions of finishing the tour like any other

he had big ideas, the band were so excited, but then he abandoned that era and started focusing on the sound of the next album (the orchestra, the sound of the car, got them all surrounded). "Coordinated Release" meaning tbhc was released as a surprise regarding the sound of the album, no singles etc. "Nationwide festivities, we had them out of their seats / Waving their arms and stomping the feet / Some just hysterically sing" is just straight up a comment on shows and festivals and the fans in the crowd. how they loved tbhc (and love all of the band's discography) but "The ballad of what could've been, it's been a thrill" signals what i said in the paragraph above, like. more could've have happened bc everyone was just so excited, but they were done with it prematurely and were ready to move on

"That's quite a number to sing", "And adapt the main theme from mandolins" make me think of how that time around alex and the band were focused on getting it right in the studio, and worried later how the songs were going to be translated live. not to mention "But you co-direct and play the twins"???? the two characters he played in the tbhc mvs hello???? (we're gonna have to wait for the official lyrics ik, but i swear that he says twins and not twist) also "co-direct" bc he's got this film language now but it also means that he was pretty involved in the conceptualization of the looks and story of the tbhc mvs etc. the whole thing about them being ready to move on also makes sense when you take into consideration that they've been playing literally only two (2) songs from tbhc this tour so.

and! prob the most important part; the sound of this song. he's been talking so much this era, and has for some eras now, about how the meaning of the lyrics can't be found in the words by themselves, it's woven somewhere in between them and the sound of the music. and i mean like.........what does this song sound like? haunting and melancholic and dark, and i would use those words to describe the situation. the ominous icky feeling of moving on from something you were proud of and the uncertainty of what the future holds bc of said decision

but like. my miserable single cent and all that vfnjdjndjnf

[dokujirai]

Charisma - Ito Fumiya “When The Charisma Go Marching In” English Lyrics Translation

This is an English translation of Ito Fumiya’s first solo song “When The Charisma Go Marching In.” Song is here.

Please be advised that this is merely a translation into English and may not be 100% accurate.

You can see the Japanese and Romaji lyrics here as well.

Translator Notes:

Turns out writing rap is hard. Even harder when you’re translating it. I’m hoping I’ll find better ways to rewrite some of these lyrics, but I tried my best to make it flow... Only sometimes. Otherwise, it makes probably no sense whatsoever. This was still tons of fun!

In the second part of the chorus, Fumiya says “mushibamu/蝕む” which one of the meanings translates to “being eaten by worms.” Isn’t that cute? In this song it’s closer to being corrupted/eroded/eaten.

An “eyecatch” is what is called a bumper/commercial bumper internationally. It’s used to segue into a commercial break or back into the show, and most commonly occurs in anime and tokusatsu. Fumiya is a slippery character, he flits about and dodges/parries like a champ, so not paying attention to what is essentially a warning to switch gears means he’s trying to get away with something without any notice.

In the verse that starts with “MUST, MUST BE CRAZY” I chose to use “Kill or be killed” cus it just kinda sounded cooler to be honest. It actually means “to steal or not to steal,” but both beg the question “Good? Or Evil?” which stays in theme with Fumiya’s character. Just a little more hardcore.

“Clearance” in this sense could mean several things, but *almost* all deal with losing value of some kind. There’s a medical term that involves clearance which is something about purifying the kidneys, granting clearance, and then the one I went with is obviously the clearance sale. I thought that made a lot more sense anyways.

In the verse where Fumiya says: “You ought to choose ideas over ideals/’Leave well enough alone’” the last part, ことなかれ(koto nakare) can also be translated to “let sleeping dogs lie.” “Don’t rock the boat.” Basically, just leave things alone.

Any questions, concerns, theories, or feedback is appreciated! Thank you for reading.

CHOOSE WISELY Straying from your thoughts These sweet words will cleanse your palate Discipline is SICK give in and SAY NO This is your only warning before you lose CHOOSE WISELY Drown out these fantasies All these unwanted, noisy auditory fallacies Discipline is SICK, defy them and “SAY NO” This is your warning before they feast on you No formalities There’s no escape from the path of Good and Evil Undesired misfortunes are a bother We are all fellow neighbors, CHOOSE WISELY This toxic world is placated by PAIN Instead of sharing our pain, they repeat it like a refrain Makeshift emotions SET ME FREE I’ll flit about, dip once more, throwback these watered-down mismatched sorrows SO MANY optimists Swept along and complicit Look back and you’ll fall into an unforgiving pit It’s NEVER TOO MUCH to join hands with necessary evils Pay no mind to the eyecatch CHOOSE WISELY Straying from your thoughts These sweet words will cleanse your palate Discipline is SICK give in and SAY NO This is your only warning before you lose CHOOSE WISELY Drown out these fantasies All these unwanted, noisy auditory fallacies Discipline is SICK, defy them and “SAY NO” This is your warning before they feast on you Perfectly clear skies Schemes once more, yesterday and today Stomp your foot down and follow with the right Your heart loses value like a clearance sale Freelance for the rest of your life We are one of a kind Of course, we can’t escape being the VIPs MUST, MUST BE CRAZY It’s kill or be killed Mediocrity or Charisma There are no correct answers A battle between angels and demons What are you hesitating for? High standards bring malice Give it up cus we’re all alone in the end The vast oceans and mountains make you realize how infinitesimal you are CHOOSE WISELY You ought to choose ideas over ideals “Leave well enough alone” Even if there are no correct answers There is still one to be found So quit stumbling on your feet and let's meet on the other side of solitude Infinite empathy Confusion, Suspicion, it’s not impossible Bring on the power CHOOSE WISELY You're the only one who can make that choice out of your own volition, YOU WANNA BE CHOOSE WISELY Straying from your thoughts These sweet words will cleanse your palate Discipline is SICK give in and SAY NO This is your only warning before you lose CHOOSE WISELY Drown out these fantasies All these unwanted, noisy auditory fallacies Discipline is SICK, defy them and “SAY NO” This is your warning before they feast on you CHOOSE WISELY Straying from your thoughts These sweet words will cleanse your palate Discipline is SICK give in and SAY NO This is your only warning before you lose CHOOSE WISELY Drown out these fantasies All these unwanted, noisy auditory fallacies Discipline is SICK, defy them and “SAY NO” This is your warning before they feast on you

[theji]

我的世界守则 The Rules of My World: An Analysis

I came across this video while browsing Weibo last night. It was taken during Yibo's rehearsal for his 'The Rules of My World' performance. I've listened to the song countless times and I like it, the rhythm and all, and the dance. But as with many rap music, I don't pay attention to the lyrics. I suddenly realised I don't really know what the song is talking about, save for the few phrases that stood out. That sparked my interest and inspired today's post. I had previously done some analysis of Zhan's songs, so it's Yibo's turn.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional translator or lyricist. And obviously I'm not Yibo nor do I know him personally, so I can't say for sure what the song is really about. The following analysis is purely based on my personal interpretation. It has CPN components. Please skip if you don't believe that BJYXSZD.

'The Rules of My World' is the 2nd song that Yibo penned the lyrics to himself. The fact that he wrote the lyrics is significant and makes the song worth analysing. 2019's 'Wu Gan' was more 'inward-looking'; about Yibo expressing his own thoughts on navigating the entertainment industry. To me, 'The Rules of My World' is him making a statement, a stand, at the same time, he's sending a message to those he cares about - GG and his (real) fans. Yibo released this song on 30 Dec 2020. The timing is interesting cos it like he's summing up his sentiments based on the events that took place during the year. To outsiders, 2020 was a good year for Yibo. He had many endorsements, projects, high exposure, his commercial value rose. But in CPN reality, 2020 was terrible for so many reasons. GG's incident, him being overworked, crazy fan wars and antis etc etc..anyone who cares about Yibo would be delusional to think he had it good last year.

欢迎你们来加入我的世界 (You're welcome to join my world)

入场券上面有正义的光源 (There's a light of justice on the admission ticket)

DD is giving fans an open invitation to enter his world, to understand him as a person and not just an idol. And he also hopes that his world can bring some light to the fans' world, to bring some positivity, encouragement and guidance to them.

此生面对严厉又仁慈的一切 (In this life we'll face harshness but also kindness)

轻松一点，我们一起度过黑夜 (Just relax, together we'll overcome darkness)

In the entertainment world (or life in general), there will be ups and downs, criticisms and compliments. Regardless of what may come, we can overcome any challenges together. Darkness here could also refer to the antis who seem determined to bring GGDD down. This could be a message to fans - to tell them that they don't always have to rush to defend him, and they don't need to retaliate (aka fan wars). It could also be a message to GG, to make a stand of solidarity and to reassure GG that DD will face any challenges alongside him.

新的征途 (A new journey)

愚蠢的，不好相处 (These fools, they aren't easy to get along with)

愚蠢的，不会打住 (These fools, they won't stop)

但衬托明天更耀眼的路 (But they will set off a brighter path for tomorrow)

It was said that DD matured considerably after the 2*7 incident. Took up more responsibility, became more focused on his career and mindful of future advancements etc. Started to take on more serious acting projects and to shift his career trajectory towards something more sustainable and less 'idol'. The new journey could be a reference to this new path. The fools - the antis, those against GGDD - may have caused damage but their actions have also sparked off DD's desire to do better and to find his footing in the entertainment industry. He now has a clearer view of what he wants, the path he wants to take.

我是我的样子 (This is how I am)

我生来就固执 (I was born stubborn)

讲自己的故事 (I'll tell my own story)

活独特的气质 (Living my unique self)

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

Here, DD is being assertive. This is me, I follow my own rules, I'll make my own decisions, I'll forge my own path, I won't be influenced, I won't give up on my beliefs. So antis, capitalists etc can f*ck off.

It could also be seen as an advice to his fans - to follow his lead and live their own lives. This is also something that GG has repeatedly said to fans - to focus on their own lives, personal relationships, studies, careers etc. Don't devote so much time on chasing idols, online fan wars etc.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地，走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓，多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我世界的守则，不许你诡辩 (These are the rules of my world, I won't allow any sophistry)

I see this as DD's words of encouragement, to himself and to GG. Despite all the challenges and hardship, darkness will pass and the sun will come out eventually. And it's shining brightly, there is hope left in this world, there's is much to look forward to. So don't fear, be brave and forge ahead.

Sophistry: the use of clever but false arguments, especially with the intention of deceiving

Poor DD is always hit with industry rumours, about him dating his co-stars etc. Last year, someone even made a false police report against him. Just look at the number of statements his company had to put out. There have also always been ongoing rumours about rivalry between GGDD, tales of backstabbing etc, especially in 2020 at the height of the incident. DD is saying that this is his life, his world. No one knows better than the both of them. So to those who don't know better but continue to spew nonsense about his life and relationships and spread hate, know that I don't care about your antics, they don't hurt me but I won't tolerate them as well.

在我世界行走 (Walking in my world)

什么人生主题你透露 (What kind of life theme do you envisage)

是胆大勇猛所向披靡 (Is it to be bold, courageous and invincible)

或胆小逃避钻进壳里 (Or to be timid and escape into your shell)

喧闹倾诉众人party (Is it to pour out your troubles at a rowdy party)

寂寞相思不停地哭泣 (Or to cry silently non-stop out of loneliness and love-sickness)

都欢迎你来我这里 (All are welcome)

只要跟从自己的内心 (So long as you follow your heart)

跟限制和噪音 说一声 bang bang (I'll say 'Bang Bang' to restriction and noises)

怪兽都退散 (Monsters, be gone)

What kind of person am I in your eyes? The cool guy or soft sweet babie Yibo? Here, DD is acknowledging that the public has many different perceptions of him, and fans love different personas of him and he's ok with that. But if you love him, then let him be. Don't try to restrict him, don't quarrel or force him into a certain mould of your preference. He won't hesitate to shoot the haters (monsters) down.

迈出轻盈的步伐 (Take a light step forward)

一声令下 (With a single command)

来宣布 告别孤勇 (To announce a farewell to having to fight alone)

On this new path, with a new-found realisation of what he wants, DD is clear of what he wants to achieve and he is no longer burdened by fear, uncertainties etc. Both GGDD now have each other by their sides, they share a common purpose as they navigate the intricacies of the entertainment industry together and work their way to the top. And I think this is something that we're seeing more in the fandom since end 2020 - GGDD seemingly becoming more bold in their actions and messages they put out (silent or otherwise).

想要做盘旋的龙 (Wanna be a hovering dragon)

还想做懒散的虫 (Or a lazy worm)

别打扰我 走开 没空 (Don't bother me, go away, I have no time for that)

In public, DD is that proud and confident king. He's not a pushover. But behind the cameras, he just wants to chill and relax (and play games). Please don't bother me, give me some privacy to lead my own life, don't tell me what I can or cannot do.

Cue DD's message. He meant it.

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

This is a repetition of the earlier verse but what has changed is the last 2 lines. From <It's my world I won't give in>, DD now says <We will never give in>. This was actually the first thing that sparked off my CPN, and hinted to me that this song concerns GG in some ways. Who's We? We all know how GGDD almost always use the word 'we' in their CQL promo interviews and bts, as though they come as a package and all views represent both of them as a entity. This also echoes the earlier sentiments - both of them, after the 2020 incident, have developed a steely resolve. They won't let the antis or challenges or societal views hold them back anymore. Their world, their rules. They will fight for their rights and what they believe in, and they are determined to reach their goals.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地 走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓 多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我们的世界不会被改变 (Our world will never be changed)

Again, similar to the above 'we' example. From this part of the song onwards, DD is referring to them both. The last line could also be viewed as an affirmation of GGDD's commitment to each other. Whatever is it, our relationship will not change. We will go through it all together.

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you work up on it

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you all up on it

Let me see you work up on it

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Don't stop

Hey

I interpret this as DD's words of encouragement to GG. Like don't stop fighting, continue to work hard towards your (our) goals. Go for it, you can do it!

在我的世界 (In my world)

本能很关键 (Instinct is the key)

坚持自己 (Stay true to yourself)

就是你们的世界 (It is your world)

DD's parting words to fans: to stay true to oneself, to build and enrich your own worlds, to fight for your goals, like how he is trying.

Well, I had fun working on this. Maybe I'll do Wu Gan another time. Reminded me of literature class during my schooling days, although I never did Chinese literature back then. Feel free to share your thoughts on the song with me. =D

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 38

Chapter 38: Stuck With You

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31 🡪chapter 32  🡪chapter 33 🡪chapter 34 🡪chapter 35 🡪chapter 36 🡪chapter 37

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you  In the eye of the tornado Rowing in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you

Gotta go with the flow And ride the wave right where we're supposed to Yeah, we can go through all the highs and lows Yeah, life's a crazy roller coaster

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                              We were lucky enough to find a store still open, buying everything she needed to snowboard before renting more equipment. I looked at her getting ready with a small smile and tried not to chuckle. She was endearing, and the fact that she was ready to try this just for me meant a lot and also proved a lot.

"Shit, I forgot my phone!" she let out, rolling her eyes and making me raise my eyebrows.

"Do you really need it right now?" I asked with a chuckle. "I have mine." I patted my shirt pocket and grimaced immediately, letting out a groan. "Fuck, I forgot mine too."

"Do you really need it right now?" she teased with a grin, making me smile more.

"Yes, one of us has to have one, just in case something happens." I took my gloves off and put them on the couch next to her. "Wait for me okay? I'll do quick."

She nodded and I looked around, realizing the place was more quiet than I thought it would be. I rushed to the hall and took the elevator, running to our room and walking in. The light was still on and I grabbed my phone on the nightstand where I left it but finally decided to search for hers, too. It took me about a minute to notice it on the desk placed against the wall and grabbed it, turning around to leave, before something caught my attention.

I frowned, recognizing the back of my head on a picture, and took it in my hand to look at it better. My eyes quickly roamed on my shoulder, neck and hair but when they stopped on Devon's forehead and hair, I held my breath. My fingers were slipped in it and my heart started thumping in my chest. I remembered exactly how I felt at that moment, how deep inside her I was, how her lips parted in pleasure. It was the very first time we ever had sex and looking at that picture made me realize we would always have something to remind us of this moment, something that would always bring many emotions inside me, including lust and love. I already loved her at that moment and I wanted to believe she did too.

I ran my finger on the part of her forehead I could see and sighed. It was still not completely clear between us, I knew we had a lot of things to talk about, but I was not sure what exactly stopped her from giving us a chance. I loved her, and she loved me, and obviously, we had been been through bad relationships and I was sure that neither of us would want the other to suffer again the way we had before. Besides, it was totally different. Abby didn't love me and I was pretty sure Henry didn't really love her either.

I couldn't believe she had brought the pictures with her and it made me wonder why she never showed them to me. She had talent to take pictures, there was no doubt about it, but this picture had probably turned out that good mostly because of luck. She couldn't have put much thought into it, giving the position she was in, but the result was incredible and something twisted in my stomach as I looked at it. I didn't know if other people beside us would be able to feel all the emotions that emanated from it but at the same time, I didn't really care. I liked to think we were the only ones who could understand, the only ones who could really feel deeply about it because of how involved we were. It was even slightly scary to know that some people could look at it without understanding the degree of intimacy in it.

I was about to put the picture back on the desk where I found it when the light of the room reflected something behind it. I turned it around and read the words written quickly at first and then slowly the second time. It was Devon's handwriting and I immediately recognized the second part she had scribbled. My heart skipped a beat as I re-read my own lyrics of the song I had written for her and I shook my head slightly. She had an incredible memory and it made the left corner of my lips raise in a small smile. I went back to the first part and my smile fell when I realized she had written an actual verse for my song.

"Darlin', are you always tryin' to blame me? Is it me or 'cause you came here? Just accept that time was wrong Oh, change thee I've been thinkin' bout it lately We never finished what we started Now I'm fearful that it's gone."

I sang it in my head a few times before doing it out loud but still very low. It fitted perfectly and I sighed, my eyes still roaming on the words. It was amazing to think we sort of wrote a song together and I loved knowing that each verse was the point of view of one of us. Did she know the song was about her? That thought made my heart jump in my chest before I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckle. It was not a secret that I loved her, not anymore, and it was a good thing. I wasted so much time trying to hate her even though I knew it was impossible.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of the lyrics she wrote but also of the picture she took to be able to look at it whenever I wanted and finally checked my watch. I had been gone for a while and I rushed out, reaching the elevator as fast as I could. When I walked back to her, she was sitting on the couch, her head leaned on the back and her lips parted. I could hear her snore lightly and I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Devie, hey." I said softly, bending down to shake her gently and making her whimper. "Wake up."

She groaned and sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes and letting out a sigh. She was cute when she slept and I waited a few seconds until her eyes fluttered open to talk again.

"Come on, we only have time for a few basic things."

She got up but almost tripped and I held her, chuckling again.

"You okay?" I asked, moving my face a bit closer to look at her.

She sent me a small smile and nodded. "Yea sorry, just give me a few minutes to wake up completely." she licked her lips and finally raised her eyebrows. "Hey, what took you so long?"

"Oh, I couldn't find your phone." I half-lied, searching my pocket and handing it to her. "I put it in a plastic bag for you, just in case you drop it in the snow or something."

Her head tilted and she sent me a fond smile before pressing her lips together. I felt my heart skip a beat when she moved closer but she stopped herself suddenly. "Thank you."

I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted her to do it first, for once. It seemed like I was always the one who made the first move no matter what we did, especially when it came to something romantic. Maybe she's had had a few initiatives when it came to sex but somehow, whenever it was about love, she seemed reluctant.

"You're welcome." I whispered, fighting the urge I had to kiss her.

We grabbed our stuff and walked outside. I saw her shiver next to me when a whiff of cold air hit us but she still followed me to a very small slope. I tried to show her the basics but she was clearly scared to hurt herself and I finally sat next to her in the snow after she fell.

"How about we go a bit higher?" I proposed, smiling gently when I saw the alarmed expression on her face. "I'll be there with you, okay?"

It took her about a minute to answer. Her eyes roamed on my face and once again, I thought she was going to kiss me and my eyes dropped to her lips. She probably noticed because she licked them nervously and my gaze moved back to her eyes.

"Okay."

I helped her up and we walked slowly to the chairlift in silence. I kept glancing at her and she did the same but it's only when we were half-way there, completely up in the air that everything stopped. My heart jumped in my chest and my eyes got bigger when I realized we were stuck and I swallowed hard, turning to her as she did the same. Her lips curled a bit and she burst into laughing, throwing her head back and making my lips curl.

"It's good luck, remember?" she pointed out, smiling more. "That's what you said!"

"I still think that!" I laughed with her, taking my gloves off to grab my phone. "I'll text Lewis, I know he's near his phone. He can inform them and they'll come get us."

I typed something quickly and sent it, my eyes stuck to the screen until I got an answer from my friend that simply consisted of a laughing emoji and a thumb up.

"It's weird isn't it?" I finally said after a few minutes of silence. "How we always get stuck together somewhere when we have something to solve."

She turned her head my way and tilted it, sending me a small but curious frown. "We have something to solve?"

I turned my body as much as I could to face her and shook my head, my eyebrows raised. "Yes we do. Devie, why don't you want me to say you're my girlfriend?"

"We.. We didn't even discuss it."

"We are now." I pointed out with a sigh. "You said you loved me, we made love this afternoon. I didn't tell our friends because I saw how you reacted when I said the 'g' word this morning in the closet but, what do I have to do?"

"You don't get it."

"No! No I don't!"

I was trying to keep my cool but I wanted her to open up to me, I needed it. I needed her and I needed to be with her. It sounded obsessed, it was intense, but It was driving me crazy to know how she felt without being able to really be with her.

"I do love you! I love you so much Niall I don't think you understand!" she let out before breathing in deeply. I saw her tear up and my lips parted slightly. "You remember when you said I moved you? That my art moved you? Henry used to say that too. I know you're not him, but it's not easy for me to put aside all the pain I went through with him just to throw myself in a new relationship. I don't know how you do it. Abby has hurt you so much too and you're just ready to... to jump back into something official and serious with me." She breathed in and I noticed a tear falling down her right cheek. I wanted to reach out to her but I couldn't, I felt paralyzed. "I am nothing special. I am not like the girls you've been with. I am... I am lost, and scared, and scarred! I love you but I'm scared! I'm scared I'll give you everything and that you'll break me the way I was broken before! But I love you so much more than I loved him! I feel so much closer to you than I ever felt to him! And if you... if you leave... When you realize I'm average... or even below..."

I waited a few seconds, staring at her and she sniffed. It was crazy that she kept all that inside for so long, and at the same time, I was so happy she was finally telling me how she feels.

"Are you done yet?" I asked making her look in my eyes again before sending her a small smile. "Devie, I'm scared too. But I love you, I'm in love with you, and I'm ready to take that chance, because being without you is worse than being heartbroken by you. It's ok to love again!"

She sniffed again and pressed her lips together. I brought my hand to her face and brushed my fingertips on her skin, smiling more. "If you shut yourself from feelings, you may make sure that nothing bad happens and that your heart won't be broken, but you also miss all the good things and all the love you could get." I explained in a low tone. "I can't promise you that everything will always be perfect, but I promise I'll keep trying because that's how much I love you. I told you, Devie, you're my main girl. You're the protagonist of this story. No one can take your role. No one."

Her lips curled too and she chuckled before nodding quickly and bending closer to me. She pressed her lips on mine, making me smile too. "I wouldn't want to be stuck here with anyone else." she whispered, making me chuckle before kissing me deeper.

We started laughing against each other's mouth when the chairlift started moving again and finally walked back inside. We were both very cold and we decided to just go back to our room, taking the elevator in silence again. We both got changed into warm clothes and sat in bed together. She leaned her head on my shoulder and moved her legs over mine. I smiled when I saw her warm socks and left a kiss on top of her head.

"That painting you made here the other night..." I started gently, leaning my cheek on top of her head. "It was the first time I saw you paint with light colors. It was beautiful, it looked like a summer sky."

She reached for my hand on her thigh and intertwined our fingers. "All the paintings I made since I arrived here were about you. My art has been about you and my feelings for you, the emotions you made me feel." she explained, surprising me a bit, especially that all my songs were about her. "You make me feel those colors. You make me feel light and clear and warm. You make me feel alive."

"That's not what the painting in our room says, the one you gave me. There's yellow, but there's so much darkness in it. Every time I look at it, I feel horrible for ever making you feel so bad. I'm sorry, Devie."

She moved away slowly to turn around and face me. Her lips curled softly on the left and she licked her lips, shaking her head slightly. "You got it all wrong, Niall." she pointed out gently, raising her eyebrows. "You're not the black in that painting. You're the yellow. You're the light trying to reach me, stopped by my own demons and fears. You're the light in my life, Niall. You've always been the light."

I brought both my hands to her face and cupped her cheeks, kissing her harder than intended. I felt her move closer and straddle me and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close to me as possible. "I love you, Devie, I love you so much." I whispered in-between kisses. "Since the first day."

"I love you too." she murmured back, slipping her hands in my hair. "I always have."

----

We got prepared together the next morning and whenever I'd walk near her, I'd pull her close to kiss her lips and she'd giggle or smile. There was something natural in the way we moved together around the room, even in a place we were not used to, and I couldn't help but think it was a proof that we were made for each other. When we were ready, I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, making her twirl around as she started laughing and I walked to the door, bringing her with me. We took the elevator to meet our friends downstairs but when the doors opened, I let go of her hand, not really sure if she had changed her mind. I didn't want to rush her, and I didn't want to lose her either. She glanced at me but still followed me to the main room where all our friends were waiting for us, talking and laughing together.

I turned to look at her as her eyes roamed on everyone and after about a minute, I felt her hand reach mine and grab it tight. It took a few seconds but Lewis finally noticed us, his lips curling into a smirk when he noticed we were holding hands. He hit Louis a bit roughly who just frowned but finally turned to us too before our friends noticed us one by one. I cleared my throat when Louis jumped off the couch with a big smile.

"Fuckin' finally!" he yelled, catching the attention of almost everyone in the room. "That's it? That's official? You two are dating?"

"Yes, it's official." Devon replied loud and clear, surprising everyone.

I noticed Mandy winking at her and squeezed her fingers tighter as Louis walked quickly to us, throwing his arms around my girlfriend's neck and holding her close.

"Took you long enough." he told her with a chuckle as she wrapped her free arm around him. "I'm so happy for you two."

Lewis walked to me to hug me too and then almost everyone followed. I noticed Abby sending me a small and sad smile from afar and I just smiled back gently at her, surprised that she took it so well.

"Okay!" Louis let out, clapping in his hands. "Who's hungry?"

Everyone started talking at the same time and they all decided to go to the restaurant to get some food before starting the day. I stopped Devon as she was following them, pulling on her arm to bring her closer to me and just wrapped my arms around her as she tilted her chin up, sliding her hands on my back.

"So that's it? You're my girlfriend?" I asked with an amused grin, making her smile too.

"Mmhm, I'm ready to try that boyfriend/girlfriend thing with you."

"Are you happy, Devon Eaton?" I whispered low, looking down at her.

Her traits softened and she looked at me fondly, in a way no one else had ever looked at me. "Happier than I've ever been. I love you, Niall Horan."

"Not as much as I love you."

[engineer-in-space]

a simple call of the wild review that is totally professional and not way too detailed by me (February)

It's gonna be a bit of comparing to previous powerwolf albums/songs and remember everything is my own opinion. If you disagree/agree we may talk about it in a civilized way, I actually love talking to others about this shit!

But otherwise (hate, insults, etc.) you can keep your opinion somewhere where I can't see it :) Also, the album has barely been out for a day and things change with time and I may grow to like certain things more. (but there's not too much that I don't like tbh) But I hope you enjoy this metalhead-gremlin's ramblings!

Faster than the flame

I had to listen to it quite a few times before I could say anything about it. It's a powerful start into the new album, however, it is (as previously stated) powerful but didn't blow me away like the first songs on the previous albums. (Fire &forgive, Blessed &possessed, amen & attack - wait am I just now noticing a pattern here? oh my god. Anyway.) Maybe I got that personal feeling that I want it to be Fire & Forgive, which is, of course, not possible and would be boring. So i think I'm not even critizing the song but rather the order of the songs.

It feels like a typical powerwolf song; both lyrics and instrumental. Fast, heavy, something about flames and burning - awesome. The two Latin parts (I think it's called the pre-chorus? man, I have no idea and will just throw around these words because my internet connection is too bad to look this up. But if you listen, you'll know which parts I mean.) already give me goosebumps. I also really, really liked the bridge (again?? idk??) aka the "flame, flame, burning wild in heavens name" part. This was the most memorable part for me after the first time listening. Of course, the guitar arrangement throughout the whole song is just... god bless. I must say that using the word "pastor" is dangerous because my stupid brain keeps thinking Attila is singing about "pasta" again... Oh well, moving on!

Beast of Gevaudan

Man, I've been listening almost non-stop since it was released as a single! At first, my head was comparing it somewhat to army of the night but after a few times this feeling was gone and it became an awesome new idea/song. The choir and orchestra part are so well placed and support the rest of the instrumental and Attila's voice perfectly. Again, much fast, very powermetal. I've grown very fond of the guitar solo. The lyrics tell us a little about the story of the beast and I. Love. Storytelling. In. Songs. Glad matthew finally came around to put his idea out there!

This song also has a video, which left me speechless at first. I love Attila's acting so much??? And making this sort of their own story of Jesus was such a cool idea. Production is high quality as well (didn't expect anything less after The Sacrament of Sin MVs) and there were really nice shots in there. I doubt that I will get tired of this song and this video anytime soon!

Dancing with the dead

That choir stuff in the beginning, following by that awesome guitar riff already had me. I couldn't stop listening to this one either. This might be, in my opinion, the most catchy song on the whole album. The intruments are in perfect harmony with Attila's heavenly voice. The transition into the guitar solo is so damn smooth and well done. I'm having a whole crisis about how good this song is.

The lyrics are interesting too! Again, there's a story to be told. As far as I can interpret it, being introduced to some darker powers and growing to enjoy them, despite previously having lots of faith, is what's going on here. It has this slight feeling of... corruption (in a good way of course). This makes me want to go dancing (with the dead)

This one also has a video! Once again, very high quality. Every band member had their "special moments/shots" and just looked stunning. But Attila left them all behind this time. Slow dancing, in a suit, with that smirk on his lips??? Well done, my dude.

Varcolac

This one's dark and heavy. It brings me back to the good ol' times of Lupus Dei and Bible of the Beast. Just with more orchestra, choir and overall harmony. It makes me so happy that Powerwolf is using so many real life legends and figures on this album! And they did such a good job with them as well. If this song was alive, it would be a scary beast.

The typical metal elements and orchestra/choir parts are very well balanced. And the organ throughout the whole song is fitting. It supports the dark and sinister feeling of the whole thing. My favourite part may be the "And as army we bing fire..." parts! Man, I just love werewolves. Also, I think Attila's famous gibberish singing made a return in this one!

Alive or undead

Oh boy,here we go. The piano in this one is incredible. "Here we STAAAAAAND!" Goosebumps and shivers. Everything about this is so emotional andreading the lyrics while listening just makes me want to cry, ok?! T_T Powerwolf has become so flexible, exploring different ways to make music. This could have been some kind of typical powermetal song but it's not and I'm glad about it.

Even if it's a little different, they never stray to far from what makes them special. The few parts, reminding one of typical church music would not have been necessary but are appreciated! They know when to leave out the guitars and go slowly. What bothers me a little, is that it somehow feels like Attila's voice had a tiny bit more potential up to the chorus. It could've been a little bit softer? if i can put it that way. But honestly this song is raw emotion and everything still fits together. If you thought their first ballad was emotional, buckle up, this one kicked me right in the feels.

Blood for blood (Faoladh)

Powerwolf ventures again into the folk metal territory and successfully conquers it! Could be a headline of something. Anyway, this song is a very worthy successor of Incense & Iron! It just makes me happy, its melody is so light - combined with your typical Powerwolf lyrics. Perfect song to start jumping up and down! It radiates motivational energy. Just like Dancing with the dead, this song has a very smooth transition to the guitar parts.

The melody is strong but still easy enough to quickly get into it! I can barely sit still and write this aaaa. Seriously, I am just happy with this song and will go jump and headbang a while to it!

Glaubenskraft

I have returned from jumping and oh no. It's a German song. Bold of them to go all out on that Latin beginning... it works really well though! It might be because I'm German but this song hits hard. Very hard. It's not easy to make this language sound good and ( if you don't happen to know much about German) the lyrics consist of a bunch of old words and grammar you wouldn't normally use anymore. But they made it fucking work!!! The quiet verses only make the pre-chorus and chorus itself heavier and blow me away. And SOMEHOW this super epic song with (made up, at least I'm pretty sure they don't exist like that) Latin words is about.. you know what Powerwolf writes about a lot. And I LOVE that. It's so subtle and only if you read into it, you're like "wait a minute".

This song has a feeling of corruption too. But not in a good way this time. It feels evil and intimidating and - honestly, I can't get enough of it. Everyone of my neighbours will think I'm some kind of weird Christian fanatic because I WILL yell "Glaubenskraft" just as much as I yelled "Stossgebet". Worth it, tho.

Call of the wild

The song with the same title as the album! (or the other way around, whatever.) This song is just catchy from the beginning to the end. Like many other songs its fast and hard. Just how I like it. Don't take that out of context.

The lyrics and instruments go wild (haha get it), with a really neat Latin pre-chorus. It's very fun to listen to. Personally, it makes me feel like I belong to the pack. That we're strong together, that we can say fuck it once in a while and just go crazy. The chanted part near the end of the song reminds me strongly of Sanctified with dynamite (ya know "die, die dynamite" and "call, call, call of the wild") and it's really cool they pick up on old things once again. Be it intentional or not. It's a reminder that they still are who they were back then - and their music is still fucking incredible.

Simply an epic song, strong vocals, strong guitars. I really, really like the intro. Attila has to sing so many words in such little time, does he even need to breathe now and then?

Now I'm wondering what came first; the album title or the track title? Chicken or the egg?

Sermon of swords

First of all: WHAT IS THAT OMINOUS VOICE IN THE BEGINNING. Mark me down as horny and scared. Ahem.

I really like how the verse and the chorus have their own theme and melody going on and yet they're connected. The chorus is super catchy too! And just say it yourself "Sermon of swords", how cool does it sound??? The choir in the beginning is a really neat introduction into the whole song. The lyrics match the whole album, very much a soundtrack to go on a crusade to, like Raise your fist, Evangelist or Christ & Combat. Just... "AAMEEN!" Ok, I'm actually going insane here, calm down, Feb. These might be my favourite lyrics of the whole album I think?? (unless I said that somewhere else already, then i have more than one favourite.)

The whole song has a more "classical" feeling to it, not only in the Powerwolf sense but also in the Heavy Metal sense in general. BUT. Orchestra and choir are prefectly mixed, especially supporting Attila in the chorus. The guitar solo is really cool and sounds very Greywolf-y, if you know what I mean. It's just Matthew's style.

Undress to confess

The name of this song says it all. This is your friendly reminder that no matter how much they preach about Jesus or the Devil, Powerwolf should not be taken too seriously. When I first saw the title I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

The melody is pretty catchy and easy to remember, the organ and general approach reminds me of Demons are a girl's best friend. I absolutely love how the lyrics are on that thin line of somewhat poetic and ridiculous. Let me provide two examples here: "all the world we posess for desire and sin we carress" - man, this sounds pretty.

And there's also "dressed to hide the dark, and obsessed to ride him hard on the.... crucifix." Yeah, I... I don't know what I expected here. Anyway, this is how you describe church sex without actually using explicit words. (why are you booing me, i'm right)

Still really nice to listen to and have a good time!

Reverent of rats

We arrived at the last song of the album! And here we picked up on the speed and power again! The way the organ is played during the verses makes it so... sinister. Again, this piece reminds me of Lupus Dei. The verses keep the sinister feeling while the chorus picks up more... drama? An epic melody mixed with epic words make my soul ascend to heaven.

This guitar solo is also the absolute good shit. It might be my favourite from all the songs of this album?! Additionally, the drums? I don't know why but they really stand out here. Love how fast paced they are.

Aaaaand that's it! If you've read all the way through holy shit, you are actually a badass. Thank you for staying with me, my werewolf friend. Maybe we'll meet where the wild wolves have gone. But always remember: Metal is religion.

[twink-frank]

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself  but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

[savnofilter]

Another Year Together

Todoroki x 『GN』Reader

↬ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ(s): intoxication, mentions of partying too hard, injuries and cleaning said injuries, crack (?), fluff.

↬ᴡᴄ: 2.5k [10 mins].

↬ᴀ/ɴ: ahhhh i was bummed that i dont have any sfw shouto reqs *cough cough* send some- *cough cough* anyways so i made up a scenario of my own! i have more fluff ideas i'd love to put out but this may be the birthday fic or i'll post something else tonight if i can~ every time there needs to be a party, just know either mina or kaminari threw it. also its a little rushed because i wanted to get this out tonight and this is the longest sfw piece ive ever written. ;; pffft hopefully you all will love this as much as i loved writing it, happy birthday shouto!

"Stay still." Shouto muttered to you as you squirmed away from the harsh sting the disinfectant alcohol caused your bruised skin.

"Mmmnhmm... M' sorry." You utter haltingly, your leg jerking once more from the sudden sensation. You look up at him with puppy eyes, guilt-stricken as you have already broken your promise.

He stared at you for a few seconds before his gaze softened as you stuck out your bottom lip with a sorrowful look on your face. As he smooths the cloth over your exposed thighs, he softly sighs under his breath, expertly concealing the roll of his eyes. Todoroki was relieved that your reflexes were still in shape, the abuse of the liquor not interfering much with your cognition... at least not too much. 

You two shared the same birthday. He had no idea that celebrating your big day of turning 21 would've been so hectic. As many things between you and Todorooki, you guys took today as a competition. The day started with you both trying to one-up each other since Todoroki’s lucky day was yours as well. First, your day with a breakfast made by him -- with the assistance of Bakugo of course. You couldn’t help the warm swell in your heart at how much effort he had put into it but it wouldn’t top you! While you two interned at the same agency it was pretty easy to surprise him with a big B-Day lunch and an obnoxious bouquet.

“This is a little too much…” 

“There is no such thing as too much for you, Sho.”

Truthfully, he felt that way because he wanted to wow you as well. He was glad that today was a calm day concerning his patrol watch, giving him time to map up his day today and think about all the other miscellaneous thoughts that roamed his head. The painting he had saved for this momentous day sat in the back of his head as he patrolled the streets, the small accessory along with it sitting next to the rest of his pee-pee pouches making him grow nervous. I had kept the small item with him in fear of losing it, the last thing he needed was it to go missing under his watch.

You on the other handheld no qualms about goofing off for the day. Now, you weren’t entirely wasting away the day, you just simply knew how to let loose. With the great news you’d be staying in the office you had more than enough time to help plan and finalize Todoroki’s surprise birthday party. You bit your lip as you checked in with your longtime friend, Kaminari, to host the momentous occasion. Your mind was mostly occupied with the thought of the party and the small but significant present that you had in your desk draw. You and Todoroki had the same mind, the only thing setting you apart is you somehow being more… airhead than him. 

Impossible, right? Not at all. That’s how it explains why he was busy cleaning up your injuries.

After being sent home early you had taken him out to lunch for some soba and well, boba as a great lunch treat — simple enough. You both were full upon going back home, giving you two a few hours to snuggle up and nap to rejoice with the sleep you two had lost from over the time having part-time heroes. Holding back the excited news of the party was hard to do, the first thing you did when you woke up was jump up and usher him to get up as well.

“What -- why??” Shouto glared as he was forced to sit up, rubbing his eyes with the free hand that you didn’t use to pull him up.

“C’mooonn! I just have one more thing to show you for today!” You beam brightly. Your facial expression was as bright as ever like you hadn’t just slept for 4 hours before that. Everything in his body wanted to resist but he couldn’t as he wouldn’t bring himself to. It took but only an hour for the both of you to get ready, sending Kaminari a quick text to make sure that everything was set for sure. 

“Honey, I know this might sound a little odd but I need you to put this on.” You hand him the blindfold once you find him dressed and ready. You couldn’t help but grin at his confused face when he stares at the piece of fabric.

“I thought you said we were going out?” He asks mildly confused, taking it and putting it on anyway.

You paused and gave yourself a moment to think about his response, your cheeks feeling hot at the insinuation. Todoroki’s small giggle makes you feel better about your flustered words, rolling your eyes annoyed when he teased you like that. “Just hold onto my hand okay?” You instruct, hand coming up to hold him as an example. He nods his head as he follows your lead, more excited than what he led on.

The trip from your apartment down to your car didn’t take too long, the assistance of helping him not trip over his shoes harder than you thought. It was hard to keep back your laugh as he fumbled here and there, the most highlight of your experience was helping him in his care (like he usually did with you) and even buckling in his seat (not something he did for you). You were practically buzzing in your seat in excitement as you took off as soon as you were ready, the journey to his place not too far from your own. You bobbed your head to the music of the radio as you vibed along with the beats, fingers tapping the steering wheel as you mumbled the lyrics to whatever song played. Had it not been winter time in Japan you would’ve had the windows down, but you had to settle with the subtle and gentle breeze of the heaters on your skin instead.

“We’re here.” You announced your arrival. You used the keycard Kaminari had given you as the entrance to his apartment complex and zoomed-in irresponsibly. It was easy finding a parking space on the higher levels conveniently the same as his home. You hopped out and helped Todoroki out from his seat and helped him to the elevator. “Promise me to have fun, okay?” The question was simple enough, but your level of fun always exceeded his. 

The sentence made him turn in your direction with confusion heavy on the top of his head. You took out the key from your pocket and jiggled it into the lock. As soon as he was about to open his mouth you yoinked the blindfold off his eyes, the first thing his eyes seeing your cheerful grin and everyone popping up from their hiding places and throwing the decorations up that they held in their hands.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” 

Todoroki was taken back from the whole thing. How many people were there, the familiar faces, the decorations, and just overall effort that was put into this. He couldn’t help but look over at you with the same adoration he normally did when you looked the other way. He was greeted by so many of his friends and mutuals, the overwhelming amount of gifts that sat on the table, and the arrangement of food and drinks that sat up in the spacious room. In the back of his head, he knew he would have to keep an eye on you, and he was right.

The group had gathered to get some cake to get it out the way, the bonus of ice cream filling your tummy with happiness. As soon as you had finished your dessert plate, you declared everyone should loosen up; since no one objected, you went straight for shots. First, it was one, two, then it was two at once, then it was some straight from Mina’s belly button. You held no restraint at your alcohol intake, taking the immature opportunity to drink to your heart’s content. While you were liberal with your amount, Todoroki decided to take in practically none. The verses of your habits are almost amusing to watch like your two contrasting but similar personalities.

Later in the night when the mayhem had started. You and a few friends decided to dance on a few more dangerous surfaces, guaranteeing the sacrifice of one of them being Kaminari’s glass table. 

“Holy shit—” Mina quickly rushed to your side, the same drunken posture and smile on her face as she tried to help you up, careful not to get the same glass shards that scattered the floor. “Are you okay-?!”

“YO Y/N WILDING!” Denki tries helping you up too, the help of the duo helping you somewhat.

You stumbled to get up, the flashlight of other people’s phones making you weary. “I-I’m fine-” You managed to let out, standing as you tried to clear your head and drink the water handed towards you. Either the H2O in that cup gave you courage or you simply went crazy. “let’s go again!” 

Todoroki was left speechless upon watching you continue to party on, knowing damn well he'd have to stop you soon. He wasn’t one to attend parties, and most times when he did they always ended up like this. It seemed after your fall that the knock had given you a sign to calm down at least, deciding to drink more beverages that didn’t hold liquor in it. After some time he had managed to get you in his lap, holding you as he monitored your well-being. 

As much as your reckless behavior would have annoyed someone else, he found it almost endearing. Well… not really in the sense you were drinking yourself silly, but in the fact that you still had the spirit to keep up and party even after the effects of your last hour of madness. It wasn’t long till you had gotten comfortable in his arms you had successfully partied yourself to sleep. Todoroki was careful in lifting you, thanking everyone from attending before quietly slipping out from the apartment. 

He took a deep breath as he somehow managed to find your car, maneuvering to get you into the car and hopping in on his side to drive you home. Todoroki made sure to drive carefully in hopes that you wouldn’t barf all over his car that you had used to get there. The drive back was much quicker than when you two had headed up since it was practically dead at night and the streets empty. He liked drives like these. A part of him was sad that you weren’t awake for it.

Your boyfriend repeated the same process when he had pulled into your apartment complex, picking up your body and bringing you up to your shared home. He was dedicated to getting you situated, prepared to take care of you as much as he needed to. That’s how he found himself tending to your scrapes and bruises right now.

“You know I’m never going to let you drink again.” Shouto teases you, smirking lightly at your sad expression.

“You’d never!” You argued back with the same teasing tone, moving to cross your arms, stifling the pain as you did so.

Todoroki snorts at your dedication to hold up the act, nodding his head as he finished cleaning up your legs. “You’re right. But don’t expect me not to monitor you from now on.” 

A smile tugs at your lips at his words, uncrossing your arms. The lingering drunk feeling still played in how you thought and spoke but not managing to affect how effortless it was to talk to Shouto. You blushed when he picked up your hands, kissing the back of your hands as he spoke to you once again.

“I have a present for you.” He mutters against your skin, eyes trained on the fresh bandages before looking up at you. He wasn’t looking for an answer and he didn’t wait for one either. He hoped that you couldn’t tell that he was weary, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small velvet box. 

Your eyes widened at the realization of what he held in his hand, your heart beating faster as you sat up in your chair. “Sh-Sho?”

“It’s not what you think.” He responds almost defensively. Shouto bites his lip in anticipation, fiddling with the little box. “... it’s a promise ring,” Todoroki concludes. He felt like he had to explain himself for the slightly expensive jewelry. “If you don’t want it-”

You had engulfed him in a hug, pulling him tight against you as you had started to sob. You couldn’t think of words for how happy you were. The only thing that had taken over your body was actions. You nuzzled your face into his neck once his arms wrapped around your shaking your body. His hands soothingly rubbed your back, letting you get out what you wanted. He couldn’t help but laugh when you pull away with the most love-filled face he’d ever seen you make.

“You okay?”

“I’m perfect!” You hastily wiped your face with the help of Shouto, shakily laughing once he leaned into pepper your face with kisses. 

“I was afraid that I scared you,” Shouto admits. You shake your head as you grab his hands, placing his palms on your cheeks, appreciating his soft palms.

“No… your hands are really soft…” You mumble. Your mind went blank as you tried to remember the next line you were going to speak, pouting as you looked around for the answer. The shock of him handing you the ring has successfully shaken you into processing your brain a little better, the heavy impacts of your drinking still lingering on.

“Are you okay?” He asks, worried. You nod your head in affirmation. 

“A kiss could cheer me up.” You give him the same puppy eyes that you used before, weaponizing your cuteness to your advantage. He slightly cringed at the thought, hesitating before leaning in and placing a soft kiss against yours. He prepared himself to taste the alcohol against his lips. He pulled away once he deemed it ready, wiping his mouth and getting the ring he kept in his hand the whole day.

“I think you owe me by wearing the ring for making me kiss you.” He huffs, slipping the ring on your finger, his heart beating at the sound of your giggle.

“Nah you love me without the ring~”

“Yes, but I’d prefer you with it on.” He stands up and holds his hand out for you, taking you into his arms once again for the night and carrying you to your room. “For now get some rest, okay?” He sat you down on the bed and got you changed out of your clothes, sneaking in a few playful kisses here and there to make you laugh. Shouto’s main focus was just to get you situated to sleep peacefully for the night. 

“G’night, Sho…” You mutter to him as you got comfortable in the sheets. Although the returning soreness didn’t go away you had managed to close your eyes and get comfortable.

“Goodnight.” He watched you until you fell asleep before leaving the room to prepare for you the pain medication you’d need in the morning for your impending hangover. 

You never needed the promise ring to let you know he loved you; his actions always told you so.

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts & Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “BEcause”

WE ARE F UCKING UNDER ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG WHERE DO I START WELL- I SAW A COMMENT SOMEWHERE THAT WAS LIKE ‘THIS HAS GOODNIGHT CREEPINESS WITH RED SUN ESSENCE’ WHOEVER THAT WAS YOUR BRAIN IS GINORMOUS™ AND WRINKLY- IF YOU LISTEN TO IT THE SLIGHT SUMMER VIBE IS TOTALLY THERE YET THE PIANO AND THE HARP (MAYBE I DUNNO BUT WHAT I DOONO IS THAT IT SLAPS) THE PRE CHORUS BUILD UP FAST AS HELL THE DRUMS ARE FAST AS S HIT THE CLOCK IS SO CREEPY THE GUITAR IS JUST ASDFFJGHLHKL;;’ THE DOUBLE TIME DURING DAMIS RAP THAT WAS LITERALLY™ AN ATTEMPT TO TAKE MY LIFE (they were this 👌 close istg) AND THEN THE BRDIGE…………………… SOMEONE TAKE THE WHEEL-

AND THEN THEIR VOICES POWERFUL AS ALWAYS AND THAT F UCKING DISTORTION S HIT DURING ‘FOREVER LOVE AND FOREVER MINE’ IS ACTUAL DR*GS- i dunno what it is but the instrumental being like that and then (to me anyway) theres such a sweet undertone (???) in how they sing and then knowing the lyrics likE I KNOW THEYRE OBSESSED- B O I DO I MISS A FAST DAMI RAP P L E A S E I FEEL LIKE SHES THREATENING ME I LOVE THAT PSYCHO NOISE B ICYJ- THAT BRIDGE IS F UCKING CRAZY SIYEONS AND HANDONGS AND YOOHYEONS GENTLE VOICES AND THEN S U A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUREALLYGOTTACOMEOUTOFTHELEFTGODDAMNFIELDWITHTHATICANTSTANDYOUHOWDAREYOUJUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello hello for the dance section i will be using THE mcountdown performance yEAH THE ONE POSTED BEFORE THE ACTUAL MV/ALBUM DROP- FIRST OF ALL THE INTRO sorry i have to talk about this theyre so creepy and doll like and jiu is so menacing lIKE WHAT THE F UCK IS THAT (someone answer me what iN THE F CUK did she feed yoohyeon)- NOW ANYWAY I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE ACTUAL DANCE-

OFF THE BAT THE MIRROR INTRODUCTION IS *CHEFS KISS* and then gahyeon choking jiu?????????? LORE????????? IN CHOREOGRAPHY?????????

LISTEN. L I S T E N. ALL OF THEM LIFTING YOOHYEON AT 1:29 LIKE THATS INSANE AND SO FITTING FOR THIS SONG AND VIBE plus yknow………………… handong doing a lot of the lifting………… 👉👈

this specific video doesnt show it during suas verse (which is like Rude™ but fine they show it elsewhere obv) but when shes singing and the rest of them are dropping down slowly………………… yeah-

THE CHORUS EVERY👏SINGLE👏F UCKING👏TIME👏 LIKE THE POSE THEY DO FOR ‘BE’?????????????? THE POWER AND THE GENIUS™ OF IT??????????????????????

DAMI UNHAND ME UNHOLY DEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the bridge…………… the rocking from side to side…………… whatever the f uck handong and yoohyeon are doing…………… it was almost like sua was controlling everyone right like deadass im scared-

THE DANCE BREAK PLS LET ME BREATHE

the ending with everyone bowing but gahyeon…………

BICTH……………… BICHY- THE VISUALS JUST KEEP LEVELING THE F UCK UP THATS LIT RALLY INSANE I LOVE THAT FOR THEM- the moment that mystery code was revealed and we were getting demented creepy carnival i waS V I B R A T I N G™ WITH EXCITEMENT the creepy scenery of the  dark hotel lobby and the rundown carnival with the merry go round and teacups AND WITH A CULT and the hallway with the mirrors and the lights (like the use of SO much red and green……… the symbolism………) JUST EVERYTHING IS SO F UCKING ABANDONED AND S HIT- THE LITERAL MIRRORING AND DIMENSION S HIT WHAT THE F UCK!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT CREEPY ASS ROOM WHERE THEY KIDNAPPED GAHYEON IN AND SIYEON WAS ACTING ALL TWITCHY OR WHATEVER WHAT WAS THAT-

TIME TO SHOW WHICH SCENES I LIKED

THE WHOLE GODDAMN THI-

(jk ☺️)

OFF THE BAT GAHYEON MAIN CHARACTER I KNOW THATS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…………………… i just wanted to put this here-

i just wanted to put this here too-

HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE

id like to think that the real handong is one getting dragged away and the one standing is the doppelganger (for Plot™ purposes)

W H A T T H E F U C K

I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY OTHER THAN IM SCARED-

G OD WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE THIS PART WAS SO WEIRD WHAT DOES THIS MEAN WHAT DOES IT MEAN

HELLO??????????????????

yeah sure let me take this apple from this broken mirror where another me lies within the walls of this creepy hotel anD EAT IT

W E L P-

………………………………… F-

T H E M

I DUNNO HOW IM BREATHING RN-

JIU

whaT IN THE F UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS SCENE IN THIS SCREENSHOT IS ALREADY A LOT the way she looks seemingly unassuming and harmless in that reception desk that brown and white outfit (is her hair in like………… pigtails???) and then the smile to the instant glare you jusT KNOW youre gonna d*e in that place- MAAAAN BANGS OR NO BANGS SHES STUNNING EITHER WAY AND THATS SO RUDE………… the white dress and those red ACTUAL TALONS will be the d*ath of me

SUA

if i counted correctly she had three (3) different outfits??? outside of the dance ones??? white and red then black and purple then that green and black one??? i think of all of those i really like the red and the green one theres SOMETHING ABOUT THEM i think the green one with the big puffy sleeves more NOT BC ITS MY FAVORITE COLOR I SWEAR the green looks silky and then she also has the thing on the side of her face the pearls in her hair- AND THEN THAT RED ONE with the white sleeves and the frilly collar dude whAT THE F UCK LIKE I KNOW WE SAW IT A LOT BUT I WANNA SEE MORE THO……………

SIYEON

OKAYOKAYOKAY LOOK- THIS OUTFIT IN THIS SCREENSHOT I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT LIKE IT YET I DO????????????? two completely different looking patterns that animal print and the strips and then that big ass belt (???) around her waist like this shouldnt be like a GOOD look i dont think……… truly only She™ could make this look work 😔😔😔 i got A LOT A LOT to say about the red and orange plaid crop top and skirt with the different colored clips in her head but the only thought going through my Dumb of Ass Stupid Brain™ iS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

HANDONG

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY NATURAL BLONDE BELOVED this white dress and the BLACK BOOTS AND THE CHOKER SHE BETTER S TOP- AND DO NOT I REPEAT D O N O T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ON THAT SHORT WHITE DRESS WITH THE WHITE BOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOEVER STYLED HER YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME AND THE OTHER HANDONGISTS YET I ALSO LOVE YOU SO MUCH the one with the pink dress dont talk to me dont approach me donT EVEN F UCKING LOOK AT ME IM GOING THROUGH A LOT RN

YOOHYEON

im really Dumb of Ass™ i thought that one pink and (maybe???) super light blue dress had a clock on it- BUT MOVING ON FROM THAT the space buns and whatever those accessories those are and the pink makeup this is sO- then the white dance outfit with those (mesh??? lace??? i just know that its see through-) sleeves and those big ass earrings THAT LOOK AT 2:24 the boots (yeah i gotta mention that first since i just ALWAYS have to mention them) the white blazer all those pearl long ass necklaces and whatever that is on the side of her face why do her visuals HURT SO BAD-

DAMI

bicth…………………………………… B I C T H- WHAT HAS THIS WOMAN BEEN DOING??????!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?! THIS OUTFIT IS SUCH AN ATTACK I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS ON HER FACE THIS WHOLE LOOK IS SOMETHING ELSE™ her tattoo 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 that bottom part of her hair is kinda clapped tho honestly- the pig tails?????? braids?????? in the dancing part on the black and white tiles IM DOWN YALL IM DOWN SO BAD AND ITS F UCKING RUDE™ THAT WE DONT SEE S HIT OF THAT DRESS AT THE END-

GAHYEON

IM GONNA SAY IT AGAIN LEE👏GAHYEON👏MAIN👏CHARACTER👏I👏KNOW👏THATS👏RIGHT👏👏👏👏👏👏👏!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS RED HAIR IS A BLESSING (especially in that high ponytail i-) SHE IS ATTACKING ME BUT YKNOW WHAT THATS OKAY- im SURE theres a plot significance to her two different dresses the mostly black and the mostly white but my brain can only register WOMAN PRETTY that white one in particular…………… the choker with her hair up and those boots…………… i saw it clear as day and im d wording over it-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (thoughts and parts i liked)

Intro

i usually expect the intro to be like SUPER HYPE AND INTENSE yknow which it kinda is! however it is consistent that it fits very well and captures the overall vibe of the entire album the calm beginning with the bell like were walking into an establishment and at the halfway point it picks up its intriguing and the ‘i like you’ adds a subtle eeriness that adds just enough to make one wanna continue listening its v good 👌

Airplane

LISTEN……………… LISTEN- this is the VERY LAST genre i expected out of this group YET im not even a little bit shocked that they did this like this cutesy izone-esque summer bop of a song is a DREAMCATCHER™ song……………… YALL- THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN THAT ‘AIRPLANE LALALALALALA~~~~~~~’ BRINGS IS SOMETHING SO PERSONAL THIS SECOND GENERATION SUMMERY ASS INSTRUMENTAL WHAT IN THE F UCK- I FEEL LIKE IM RUNNING ON THE BEACH I FEEL THE COLD WIND OF THE WATER BUT THE HEAT OF THE SUN AGAINST MY SKIN AND IM PLAYING WITH A DAMN BEACH BALL WITH A COCONUT DRINK (I F UCKING H*TE LEAVING MY HOUSE) JIU AND DAMI SOUND SO F UCKING PHENOMENAL

Whistle

im pretty firm on believing these b sides represent different times of a summer day and this is the late evening or twilight like not nighttime but CLOSE- i thought i wasnt gonna like the whistling part but that only makes it catchieR THIS SONG IS MAKING ME YEARN AND TRYING TO RECALL LOVELY MEMORIES I DONT EVEN HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then again……………… theres always usually a song on their albums that make me unlock and feel hidden emotions………… THIS SONG GOT ME MISSING A PERSON THAT ISNT REAL this is such a mellow yet so powerful in the way they sing and express each syllable- they all did so good on this song but i gotta mention dami again for her part like oH mY gOoOoOooOoOOOooOD

Alldaylong

JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the way this song was inspired by a hug jiu got from yoohyeon…………… THIS IS NOT A JOKE she said ‘i wanna try city pop’ anD SHE DONE DID IT- i have NO IDEA how this song managed to hold so much joy and light happiness in every word and instrument used in this but im :ccccccc i literally wanna hug someone after listening to this 😔😔😔 this also makes me yearn for something but at least this one isnt unrealistic or unobtainable i dont think! there are some songs out there that make me cry from its lyrics and its sound but THIS ONE the lyrics and just how happy this song is bro reading the lyrics im about to cry for like the fifth time- they who im love so much… :ccccccc doesnt it make you just wanna hug someone and tell them you love them????????? that you appreciate them??????????

해바라기의 마음 (A Heart of Sunflower)

i knew FOR A FACT FOR👏A👏FACT👏 that they were gonna have a ballad for this album bc road to utopia didnt have one i will admit i was one of the 🤡 that thought jiu would be credited on this song 😬😬😬 ANYWAY- AGAIN WITH THE DAMN YEARNING FOR SOMETHING BUT THIS TIME IM F UCKING SAD AS S HIT why must this song be so powerful to make me emotional before i even got to read the lyrics to fully grasp it……………………… now im truly yearning in the Sad™ way and waiting for some imaginary person who i dont even know will even come back…………………… those damn adlibs are pretty as hell it was sua (and i have to mention dami again okay shes really killing it on this she woNT LET ME LIVE-) who got me feeling this the most like yeah…………………… i am a fool…………… im a fool for loving and missing someone who just disappeared from my lifE G O D D A M N IT-

LIKE this is COMPLETELY surprising album BUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE as its described it really is a ‘special’ album as while the title track still has their music style and sound theres still an element of summer (a very Terrifying™ summer BUT a ✨Summer✨ album nonetheless) like the b sides are SO different and COMPLETELY caught me off guard when i listened to the highlight medley YET this group of seven amazing and talented women pulled it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its extremely obvious at this point that their steady and organic growth has grown VERY HIGH this time and (although im still very confused by how everything was released and announced BUT i digress) this different kind of method in performing the song the day before seemed to work?????????? I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE this section could literally be summed to just I LOVE DREAMCATCHER SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

IN CONCLUSION: LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM BECAUSE ITS BOMB AS F UCK

AND AS ALWAYS

[phantom-curve]

Congrats on reaching your follower milestone soon, dear! It was tough choosing a prompt because there are some really nice ones on the list—but I'll go with #2 aspectabund for Julie and Luke. I'd love to be less predictable and choose another 'verse than "gimme a chance" but I am weak. (Unless you’re really not feeling it, then I'd love to see a oneshot of your liking. No pressure. ♥️)

thank you!! and thank you for this prompt and pairing because I had actually imagined this exact scene weeks ago but I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it work in the full fic, so now I get to just write it as a deleted scene for you! in the timeline of the gimme a chance AU, this is set after the last deleted scene but before the scene with Alex and Reggie in chapter 6. just a little moment of Luke and Julie still not really knowing what they are but recklessly forging ahead anyway❤️ (with some Flynn backstory thrown in for good measure!)

aspectabund - letting emotions show easily through the face or eyes (Rated M for consistency, language, and a fairly suggestive setting)

Luke could study Julie in any light and find her beautiful, but there was something about seeing her under the dimmed interior lighting of the bar bathroom that felt particularly special. Maybe it was the way she seemed to glow underneath the muted lights that surrounded the bathroom mirror. Maybe it was because it was the first place he had ever experienced a softer, more vulnerable moment with her. Maybe it was because her presence alone somehow managed to turn even the grungiest of atmospheres into something beautiful and magical.

Whatever the reason, Luke had come to love the times he managed to steal away with her into the bathroom, losing himself in the feel of her lips pressed against his and her warm skin beneath his seeking fingers, every inch of him filled to the brim with thoughts of her and her alone. His port in the storm, the guiding light he couldn’t help but follow. Julie Molina, his brightest burning star.

Tonight was almost identical to every other night that Julie came by the bar. Another open mic, another flirty encounter exchanged via lyrics over shots of tequila, the background noise of whoever happened to be up on stage never quite loud enough to pull them out of their own little personal bubble. Dante was working, which meant Luke didn’t feel quite so bad about sneaking into the bathroom during his 10 to find Julie waiting, lips soft and inviting against his own, curves just as sweet as he remembered though always better than he imagined in his dreams at night. She had been driving him crazy all night in her cropped band tee and the jeans that he had a love/hate relationship with. Denim shouldn’t be allowed to look that good and then be that damned difficult to take off.

They had come together quickly, never willing to waste their stolen time together when there was a clock ticking and a bar still full of patrons just a door away. As much as it might feel like their own private world locked away in the bathroom, the real world still continued on outside without much cause for stopping. Tonight though, Luke couldn’t help but linger just a moment after he finally came down from the way Julie had left him gasping her name. Her head was still tucked into the crook of his neck, her hair even wilder than it had been when she first showed up. She was an absolute vision. A true goddess. It blew his mind she was even willing to give him the time of day, and he was constantly reminded of how lucky he was to have these small, stolen moments with her.

Julie seemed to notice his extra attention, pulling her flushed face clear of its hiding place and regarding him with a look that he couldn’t quite decipher. Soft, but still guarded. Their eyes met and he was so sure she would see it then. The love he was never able to fully hold back anymore. He studied her from head to toe, let his gaze caress every inch of her body with the kind of soft adoration that tended to make itself known the second she was within his vicinity these days.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Her question wasn’t an accusation, but Luke felt the need to hide from her probing all the same. It wasn’t her fault he had fallen in love with her. He didn’t get to force that on her when she hadn’t ever asked for it or encouraged it in the first place. His mind blanked for a moment, scrambling to come up with a plausible answer to her question. He blurted the first thing he could think of, not sure where the thought had come from but willing to follow it to the end if it meant insight into Julie and steering clear of his own emotional turmoil.

“Where does Flynn think you are when you come here?”

Julie pulled back further, her legs closing slightly as if it would force him out of his position there. Luke didn’t retreat. Kept his hands alongside the dip of her waist, fingers softly stroking the bare skin underneath the shirt she still wore. He made sure his gaze was soft and steady. He wasn’t trying to chastise her, just maybe understand her a bit better. She had said Flynn didn’t know about the nights she came to the bar, but there was no way her best friend was missing the fact that three nights out of the week, Julie wasn’t home until well past midnight.

“The library.”

The answer seemed so ridiculous that Luke couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up in his chest. Julie’s arms folded across her chest, nose scrunching into an adorable pout that he wanted to kiss away. She tilted her head to the side, hair falling over her shoulder, and he could practically read her mind through the look on her face. She was not amused. Luke backpedaled a bit, trying to explain exactly why her cover up seemed so flimsy to him.

“You tell Flynn you’re going to the library and then you come home looking like that and she just...believes you’ve been at the library?”

Luke pointed towards the mirror behind them, and Julie turned to follow his finger. She seemed startled to see her own appearance: hair wild and mussed, cheeks still flushed with leftover satisfaction, lips swollen from his kisses, eyes shining in a way he had only seen right after he played for her and right after he made her fall apart with his touch. She tucked a stray curl behind her ear, smoothing the smaller hairs along her temple as if that would control them. It didn’t do much, just like Luke knew it wouldn’t. Julie’s mouth twisted to the side in an annoyed grimace, and she turned away from the mirror to look up at him once more.

“Well, no. I tell her I’m going to the library when I leave the apartment, and then I usually do go there for a few hours before coming here. She’s always asleep by the time I get home. Flynn is a strict lights-out-at-10 type of girl, unless Carrie is the one keeping her up.”

A light shudder worked its way down Julie’s spine and Luke didn’t even try to think about the ways Carrie might be keeping Flynn awake past 10. Instead, he chose to focus on the minor revelations about the inner workings of exactly how Julie ended up at the bar every Tuesday and Thursday as well as most Saturdays.

“Huh. That weirdly makes sense for her. Yet another reason for her to hate me, I guess. Sleeping that early is for grannies and kids.”

He delivered the last line with a teasing smirk. He mostly meant it as a joke. It was easier to poke fun at Flynn if he was doing it in a way that also kind of poked fun at himself. Then it wasn’t so much him shit talking her as it was him admitting he wasn’t always his favorite person either. Julie must have seen something behind his eyes or on his face though because all of the sudden she softened, her hands raising from where they had been holding her up on the counter to cradle his face instead. The move was so intimate it made him want to purr. He settled for leaning into her hold, head turned to sneak a quick kiss against her palm. When he met her eyes, the guarded walls in her gaze had melted, leaving only a gentle kind of fondness in their wake.

“Flynn doesn’t hate you.”

Luke snorted. Julie’s tone was soft and sweet, but he knew a lie when he heard one, no matter how nicely it was said.

“Yes, she does.”

He could tell she was about to argue, so he lifted one finger to rest against her lips, effectively cutting off whatever she had been about to say as he continued talking.

“Flynn hasn’t liked me since we first met, and I asked her who the cute blonde musician was without knowing it was Carrie. Then I made the mistake of going off about how I knew Carrie was a musician because, well, I just knew, and she liked that even less. But I was upgraded to hate the night you came to our show with her, and I made a complete ass of myself. It’s fine, Julie. I know the score. You don’t have to pretend she likes me just cause we’re...ya know...”

He trailed off awkwardly, not quite willing to label them as casual when that had become his absolute least favorite word in the English language lately. The finger that had been held to her lips curled back into the palm of his hand so he could raise it to scratch at the back of his neck. The sight seemed to soften Julie even more, one of her hands falling from its spot against his cheek to rest against his bare chest, directly above his heart. There was a tenderness behind the action that was new for them, Julie’s eyes warm and gentle as she regarded him. He wasn’t sure he liked the way it made his heart stutter and constrict, wished he had the extra layer of his shirt between them for the first time ever, but she was still perched on top of it where he had laid it down as a barrier between her and the countertop.

“Luke.”

The sound of his name sent another wave of longing through him. His eyes had to be practically overflowing with the depths of his feelings for her by now. She had to be able to see it.

“Flynn does not hate you. She just...doesn’t understand you.”

He couldn’t quite believe that they were in a bathroom at Ebbie’s, half-dressed and still just barely back on the Earthly plane, and somehow, they were discussing Flynn of all people. Luke generally did his best not to think about Flynn, especially lately when he was certain if she ever found out what he was up to there wouldn’t be a place in this world he would be able to hide from her. He tried to play it off again, make a joke that would lighten the atmosphere and get them off of the topic that he was constantly pretending didn’t hurt as much as it did.

“Julie, Flynn isn’t the one I’m worried about hating me. That ship has sailed, and she’s the captain of it. It’s okay. As long as I have you, I’m not gonna worry about something I can’t change.”

Okay, so that was maybe a bit sappier than he should have worded it, but the sentiment was true, all the same. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold back those pieces of himself lately. The parts that wanted desperately to belong to Julie and no one else.

The delicate hand that had been resting against his cheek trailed a gentle path up to tuck itself behind his head, dislodging his own hand from where it had still been nervously scratching. There was a new look in her eyes, one he hadn’t seen before, not even when he had tried to take her home and had been offered a small acquiescence in the form of dropping her off at her own home instead. This look was much softer, almost endless in its depth and Luke felt his breath catch as if she had stolen it away herself. This was a look that felt precious and vulnerable and like maybe she was finally going to strike the word casual from the definition of their relationship. He dipped his head, forehead falling to rest against her own so he could bathe in that look for as long as possible. Julie didn’t pull away. Instead, her grip tightened over his heart and around the back of his neck. An invitation for him to close that small gap between them once more and bring his lips to hers.

This kiss was different too. No edge to it at all, just a soft sigh of movement against one another. Neither one taking from the other, each simply offering a piece of themselves. A gentle understanding, a moment of true harmony together where they were on the same page. Luke had no fucking clue what, exactly, that page was, but he would stay there and reread it over and over again until he died if it meant holding Julie against him like this.

The timer on his phone chirped, the sound just barely audible through the material of his pants. It was a warning, their warning, that this stolen moment was fast coming to an end and if Luke didn’t get back out to the bar someone would come looking. Luke had never hated an interruption more in his entire life. For as long as he lived, he didn’t think he’d be able to reach his limit of basking in the presence of Julie Molina, but especially like this when it felt all the more precious and fleeting.

Slowly, she pulled herself back, their lips parting in a way that told him she would have continued to linger without the interruption. He almost gave into the temptation of ignoring the alarm so that he could dive back in, but then she pressed her fingers against her lips. The action, so simple and unassuming, nearly had his heart bursting. Because she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were still closed, her breathing fast and erratic. When she finally met his gaze a good ten seconds later, he was shocked to see a type of longing he had only recognized in himself reflected in the melted chocolate of her irises.

“You have to get back out there before Dante comes looking for you.”

Her voice was breathless and just this side of needy, like the thought of him leaving made her all the more desperate to keep him there. It was the strongest show of willpower that he didn’t haul her back into his arms for a repeat performance of when he first arrived in the bathroom. He nodded slowly, the sound of his metal chains and belt buckle clinking as he readjusted his jeans the only noise in the room. She slipped off the counter, offering his shirt back to him with a shy smile as she pulled her own jeans back into place. The cotton slipped over his head, and Luke silently cursed the way it obstructed his view of Julie, even if it was barely more than a couple seconds.

“See you back out there?”

He wasn’t sure why he asked. Julie always left before him, giving him a few extra moments to wash his hands and get his head back into work mode before he had to slip behind the bar once more. This time though, she wasn’t rushing to leave. Instead, she bit her lip, forehead wrinkling slightly before she gave a soft shake of her head. The walls that had disappeared in the last few minutes were firmly back in place when she met his gaze.

“I have to get some work done on a project for school. I cut my library time short tonight to get here earlier.”

It wasn’t really a rejection, but it sure as hell felt like one. Luke tried not to let it show on his face, but he wasn’t sure he managed to pull it off. He felt his own fingers at the back of his neck again and wondered when they had gotten there.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s cool. I get it.”

He shrugged a bit, tried to get some bounce back in his step as he moved towards the door.

“Luke...?”

He turned at the sound of Julie’s voice, just barely managing not to lose it when her eyes flashed momentarily with that same fleeting look of vulnerable longing.

“Next open mic is Thursday, right?”

She was trying to get them back on script. Trying to get back to that place that felt more familiar, less intense. Luke couldn’t fault her for her. He was the one that kept trying to push them outside of the confines she had created. He sighed softly, stepping close so he could press a quick kiss against her forehead.

“Next open mic is Thursday. I’ll be here.”

Her lips curved just a bit, her smile small but no less brilliant.

“See you then, Rockstar.”

He left then. Had to force his feet to move before he fell to his knees and begged her for more. More time, more stolen moments, more commitment, more of everything that he so desperately wanted from her and no one else. Luke threw himself into filling orders behind the bar, so busy he didn’t see Julie make her way out. If Dante noticed the storm cloud that hovered above his head for the rest of the night, he didn’t mention it.

He promised himself that when he saw her again on Thursday, he would let it go. Loving her didn’t give him the right to demand more. In fact, if he really loved her, he would find a way to be content with what she offered. Because if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that he wasn’t ready to give her up just yet. And he didn’t think she was ready to give him up yet, either. So, he would stay, and he would accept what he was given, because every new moment meant another memory for him to carry with him when this whole thing ended. And somehow, that would have to be enough.

[dreamescapeswriting]

The Writing Game ~ KNJ [Request]

↬↬↬Word Count: 3.3K

↬↬↬Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

↬↬↬Genre: Producer AU, fluffy, cute, first kiss, first I love you, confessions

"Are you willing to put money on that?" That's all you'd heard when you walked into the lounge in the BigHit building that night, it had been a super long day and you were ready to sleep but you'd heard Jimin first and wondered what he was talking about. Your eyes left your phone to see Jimin, Jungkook and Namjoon all staring at one another,

"Are you placing bets on Jin and his girlfriend again?" They'd been placing bets on how long it would take for Jin or his girlfriend to call off the wedding that they had been planning for months, your hand came into contact with the back of Jimin's head and Jungkook ducked so you couldn't get to him. 

"No! We're betting on something else." You smirked dropping down between Jimin and Jungkook, 

"Let's hear it then," You waited for a response but it was clear none of them were going to tell you what it was so you got up from the seat and walked over to Namjoon. He had been one of your best friends at BigHit, you'd been writing and producing music with him for years. 

"Joonie, what is it they're doing?" You put out your bottom lip putting on the sweetest act you could while trailing your hands over his shoulders. 

"T-They're placing bets on who could make the best song for the album." Jimin frowned hearing Namjoon stutter, he had no idea that you had that effect on his leader but now he'd seen it he wanted to see it again. 

"We know you're the best team but when we put our heads together, we're better." You scoffed at Jimin's comment rubbing Namjoon's shoulders, you had no idea the things you did to Namjoon. He'd had a huge crush on you when you first started working there but he never did anything about it because of the company rules. ''No dating other staff members'' It was a simple rule to follow but not for Namjoon, he felt himself falling harder for you every day you spent time together.

"That's the biggest lie, me and Namjoon could kick your ass with our eyes closed." You scoffed moving away from Namjoon and sitting back down with the boys, Jimin smirked. It was going to be easier than ever to make you work together so closely. Namjoon caught on pretty quick to what Jimin was hinting at, 

"Jimin we're busy Y/n doesn't want to bother herself-"

"Sure I do, Namjoon we're the best and we'll win in no time." Your confidence was boosting any other time Namjoon would have jumped at the chance but he could tell there was a catch from Jimin coming,

"We have until Friday to finish a song each and then we'll present it to Bang PD at the end of the week." Jimin clapped his hands together before Namjoon could even say no you were already shaking on it and writing up the rules to make sure there would be no cheating going on. 

"Namjoon come on, we've worked on things together a million times I thought it would be fun...Are you mad at me?" The thought of Namjoon being mad at you made your heart hurt, he'd always been one of your many inspirations at work and also the guy you'd been madly in love with for the last six years....No one was ever going to know that though, not when you could hide your love for him in songs that he and the boys would sing to. 

"I'm not mad I'm just tired Y/n," You could tell by the tone of his voice it wasn't true, that he was clearly mad about something but wasn't about to sit and tell you all of his problems. 

"Then let's call it a night, we've been here all day and we both know we can write a banger in a couple of days anyway." It was true, you'd done it before. Writing hit songs with Namjoon by your side was one of the easiest things, you could bounce ideas off one another easily, nothing was ever off-limits to talk, rap or sing about together.

"Why don't we use one of our drafts and just say we wrote it?" He grumbled at you, he didn't want to be sat in a room with you all week, having his emotions run high whenever you sat close to him or smiled at him. His eyes landed on your face and he saw you tearing up, he instantly realised how much of a dick he was sounding and he felt bad,

"It's not that I don't want to Y/n it's just-"

"It's whatever, just tell Jimin we lose." He took hold of your wrist promising you that he would take it seriously tomorrow after he'd gone home and gotten some rest. 

"Go home, get rested and come back tomorrow okay?" He questioned looking deep into your eyes he wanted to make sure he hadn't hurt your feelings, it was one of the last things he'd ever want to do.

"Sure." You smiled reassuringly at him and grabbed your car keys, 

"Do you want a ride back?" He shook his head at the question, he'd ridden his bike that morning so he would just ride that home instead. 

Tuesday:

The whole morning you and Namjoon had been sat in his studio trying to decide if it was going to be a classic love song or if he wanted to do something completely different. Deciding that both of you wanted to write about love,

"Who do you think about when you're writing?" You questioned looking away from your piece of paper, you had pages full of small lyrical paragraphs all about the guy sitting right across from you on the sofa inside of his office. You had your legs resting against his while he had his resting against the sofa hiding the pad from you which, much like yours, was covered in small paragraphs about you.

"Just someone I hold dear, you?" You looked down at the page, you don't know why you'd expected him to say you. You'd always hoped he liked you but as the years went by you realised there was nothing there between you except friendship. 

"Same really," He frowned looking at you, you were scribbling things down like crazy and you had the look of sadness across your face. 

"Did they hurt you?" You laughed softly, you felt pathetic telling him all of this since it was him you were truly talking about. 

"No, he doesn't even know I like him." His hands clutched onto the pen he was holding, you liked someone- You loved someone? He wasn't angry with you he was angry at whoever was taking you away from him...Not that you were his but someone else held you close to them and hurt you with it. 

"Why don't you tell him?" You scoffed loudly and started laughing at the statement almost forgetting that it was him you were talking about, 

"He's not interested in me like that, I just need to deal with it and move on." Namjoon nodded along to what you were saying feeling slightly hopeful that you were willing to move on from whoever was hurting you like this,

"What if we channelled that?" You frowned not following along with what he was asking of you, 

"Wrote a song about moving on? Or feeling heartbreak?" You nodded a little trying to think of ways you could work it out, you didn't want to move on from Namjoon but getting the feelings of your heart being broken up would help a little, it was a genre of song you weren't exactly good in though. 

"I've never tried heartbreak songs-"

"I'll help," He rushed his sentence a little too much but he was desperate to help you move on, he didn't like seeing you hurt he wanted to do something he knew would help, channelling emotions helped him and he knew for a fact that he helped you a lot as well. 

Wednesday: 

The whole Tuesday was spent writing lyrics together while Namjoon went onto the piano, you were going to have a slow song. Heartbreak was meant to be about channelling all of your emotions and effort into the one song and feeling each lyric that you were going to be singing. Namjoon had decided to add a small rap into the song as a verse, writing about how he felt about you. All of the heartbreak he felt around you and how he could never be with you, how you could never truly be his when you were in love with someone else. Today had been a long day and you hadn't had time to come and produce some of the song with Namjoon. You were supposed to be working on it together but he knew how busy you got when you came into work. It wasn't just BTS that you worked with, you worked with a lot of the other groups in the building along with your own work that you never let anyone see or hear.

"I've been with Soobin and the boys all day I'm sorry." You said to Namjoon when you saw him coming out of his office, he shook his head promising you that it was fine but it didn't feel fine to you, 

"I finished putting the backing onto a track it's fine-"

"No, Namjoon we're supposed to work together." He placed his hand on your wrist, he knew for a fact that you had been in the big hit building from 5 am that morning because he'd checked the staff sign-in sheet when he came in. You were always pulling those, coming in super early and not leaving until really late, Namjoon hated that you pushed yourself like this but he also adored how dedicated to it you were that you were willing to do all of the overtime if it meant it would pay off. 

"Go home, we're done for the day I promise." You nodded along not planning on listening to him,

"Want a ride?" You asked you knew for a fact that he didn't need one because you could see the keys to his bike lock in his hand and the helmet in his bag 

"No I'm okay, come on." You walked towards the elevator together you were trying to act a though you were really going to leave and not come back into the building when you knew he wasn't going to be there. 

The moment you knew Namjoon was gone you rushed back up to his studio, removing the spare key from your bag and making your way inside. Everything was still on his three monitors and you smiled walking over to them and sitting down in the huge chair he liked to use. You just wanted to hear what he had done with the track and then maybe improve on it a little, it had to be perfect since it was about him and he didn't even know it. You wanted it to sound so good that Jimin would cry the moment he heard you both singing on the track, you hit play and the song began to come in from the speakers. None of the singing you had recorded was there yet but the piano playing along to the tune you'd written was.

Clicking the space bar again you tried to pause it but somehow - even though you'd been using the system for years - it deleted the entire piano section, along with the singing piece you'd recorded for the song. 

"What?! No!" You yelled trying to undo it but the computer kept crashing the system, 

"Fuck he's going to kill me." You whimpered pulling up a new project and going to input the singing back on only to see that it was deleted from the entire system. Everything except for the piano which was within a different folder was gone. You were going to be in for a long night of rerecording the lyrics and the producing it all before you went home.

Thursday:

Namjoon came in early that morning, he wanted to make sure you hadn't done what he thought you were going to do - sneak back inside and do some extra work. 

"You have a present in your studio," Jimin smirked as he came out of the elevator on the ground floor, JImin had walked in and saw you asleep wearing one of Namjoon's hoodies and a pair of leggings it must have been cold there last night. 

"What are you-" Namjoon cut himself short when he remembered that Jimin knew about the crush he had on you and was doing this to force Namjoon to face his feelings about it. 

"She's up there?" Jimin nodded frowning when he saw a look of annoyance spread across Namjoon's face, 

"What's wrong? I thought you liked Y/n?" Namjoon groaned trying to push his floor button but Jimin slapped his hand away wanting to get answers, 

"I do and you know that which is why you're doing this but I told her not to come in last night, she's exhausted Jimin." He pushed the younger boy out of his lift and waited for the doors to clothes. He couldn't help but think about how tired you must be since you'd been there possibly all day. 

Opening the door to his studio he was surprised to see you with your head resting on the table, he walked further into the room and sighed when he saw that you were asleep. 

"I told you not to come back in here," He whispered scooping you up from the chair being careful so that he wouldn't wake you up, you clearly needed the sleep if you were asleep at the desk. As he laid you down on his sofa you let out a moan before mumbling something and turning over, he smiled hearing you like that and went to get a blanket. He knew that you were in his hoodie, it was one of the favourites he owed and kept at the studio - truth be told he kept it there hoping that you would borrow it whenever you got too cold around him. 

"Namjoon-ah." You mumbled in your sleep as he laid the blanket over your body. You snuggled against it waking up but not opening your eyes. 

"You're cute when you're asleep," You heard him whisper, you kept your eyes shut trying not to flicker them or give any clue to the fact that you were now awake and listening to everything he was saying, 

"I wish I could tell you how I feel you know...Even if it wasn't for this whole staff members aren't allowed to date I don't think I could ever tell you." His hand pushed some hair out of your face but he smiled looking at you, 

"I don't think I'd have the confidence to tell you how I feel about you." Your heart clenched at the thought fo Namjoon having any kind of feelings about you, all of this time you'd thought he just saw you as nothing but an annoying sister or something.  

"Being in love with you has helped me write so many songs I think I could produce 16 albums all with 22 tracks each." He chuckled at himself before leaving a small kiss on your forehead, 

"Get some sleep darling," As soon as the door clicked your sat up and looked around the small office trying to gather your thoughts together. 

Friday:

You went home Thursday without seeing Namjoon, you could see him while you were trying to process everything he had said to you, it was a lot. That he was in love with you and wasn't even planning on telling you? Now that you knew you had no idea what to do with yourself if you were supposed to face him knowing that the guy you loved loved you back. 

"Y/n?!" You dropped the bag you were carrying, you had been attempting to sneak into the lounge without being seen but Jimin was stood behind you wondering what you were doing. 

"What are you doing?" He questioned watching as you bent down to pick up the bag and stand up to him again, 

"I was going to wor-"

"You have presentations with Namjoon, we're about to show Bang PD the songs-"

"He finished it?!" You hadn't expected Namjoon to do all of the work so you followed along with Jimin towards one of the conference rooms. They were really taking this seriously, the conference rooms weren't normally available to you or any of the boys for that matter.

"Nice of you to join us," Jungkook smirked at you - standing at the front of the conference room getting ready to show their boss their work. PD smiled at you as you bowed to him before sitting down on a chair next to Namjoon. 

"You finished it without me?" You whispered looking at him, he was avoiding looking at you but he nodded watching Jimin and Jungkook as they explained what their song was about and began playing it. It was a great song and something that they were used to writing about, 

"Namjoon." PD said pointing at you both, you both got up and began explaining the meanings behind it all. 

"We decided to go for a heartbreak song, Y/n did the main vocals and I added a rap in for a verse." The music began to play and instantly you felt insecure, the night you'd spent recording came rushing back to you as you poured every emotion you felt for Namjoon into each lyric. 

"I think it's clear who the winner is," Bang PD said as he looked over at Jimin and Jungkook who were now crying together, he slid a box of tissues over to them and turned to look at you. 

"I can see I made a big mistake hiring you though Miss Y/l/n." Your heart fell out of your chest hitting the floor and smashing into a million pieces, 

"I should have signed you, your voice is incredible." Namjoon held onto you as you stumbled backwards a little bit.

"We will be talking soon, I have another meeting." You nodded and watched as he walked out of the room as if he hadn't just proposed hiring you to be one of his employees instead of someone that worked behind the scenes. 

"Y/n! That's incredible news!" Namjoon screamed you jumped up and down turning around and throwing your arms around him wanting to celebrate. 

"Namjoon-ah!" You giggled pulling away from him slowly but you locked eyes. After that it was like there was no one else in the room with you, Jimin and Jungkook weren't sitting there staring at you anymore you were just looking at one another.

"What?" Namjoon asked as you turned your head to the side, he frowned wondering what you were doing. His heart was racing having you this close to his face but he wasn't about to push you away. 

"I love you too." You whispered before smashing your lips against his. His eyes widened as he heard you say the four words he'd been dying to hear but as soon as he came to reality his eyes fluttered shut. Wrapping his arms around your waist he drew you closer to him wanting to keep this kiss going for as long as possible, he was too afraid he would wake up and it would have all bee some kind of ultra-realistic dream he was having about it. 

"We...We're just going to leave." Jimin cleared his throat but neither of you heard him and Jungkook getting up and leaving the room together, you were too busy getting lost in your own worlds to bother with them.

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @lynnthevirgo @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @fan-ati--c @callingmyangel @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie​ @innersooya​ 

[facceshopping]

u guys don’t care but i need to organize my thoughts on new lana album

white dress- this one is soooo gorgeous and i really love the sped up line in the second part of the chorus although some ppl will probably hate it. also the little hum she does after she says “i felt seen” was so beautiful. love the higher register here. also “kinda makes me feel.. like maybe i was better off” didn’t make me CRY but i did tear up. wasnt crazy about the verses at first but the weird interval at the beginning grew on me. also pretty sure one of the sounds in the production is lana ripping a juul, someone tell me if u agree

chemtrails- this was already one of my fave songs recently and i think it’s even better within the album. career highlight material. she was crazy for this one. wish she included the vocalization from the outro that gets used in the video though.

tulsa jesus freak- one of my new fave lana songs and my immediate favorite on this album. the autotune they put on her throughout this track gives it such a unique quality that interacts w the melodies so well and the VOCODER at the end??? she surgically removed charli’s bob w that one. love the line “you should come back to our place baby, don’t be afraid of our love” the talking layered over the outro is one of several rly cool production touches. lyrics give me religious cult type of vibes so ofc it’s my favorite

let me love you like a woman- i thought this was mid when it got released and it’s still one of my least faves on the album but it’s grown a little. vocals in the bridge are great. i think my main issue is with the melody in the chorus, it just doesn’t do it for me. love love love when the words “want” and “need” overlap in the second verse

wild at heart- this one is also one of my favorites. she does that thing again in the second verse where she speeds up a line & keeps the rhythmic scheme pretty loose which i really like and find really expressive. harmonies towards the end are divine and the melody in the chorus feels like a classic. my one question: did she say “insta thots” in the first verse shdknsosneidixj it might have been “dots” but i’m not sure what that means. also this pretty heavily samples how to disappear from NFR which i think is neat

dark but just a game- YESSSSSSS this is such a serve the minor key ultraviolence type beat in the chorus juxtaposed with the bright 60s kind of beatles sounding harmonies in the chorus is SO cool. it’s like the verses are the dark and the chorus is the game. “no rose left on the vines” lana sees the power of fame and toys with it because it doesn’t scare her! what to others is an all consuming state of being is to her simply a game!!

not all who wander are lost- this is definitely my least fave on the album. not a bad song but definitely not as good as the others on here. the invocation of the word wanderlust had me rolling my eyes a little but in an affectionate way. i’m probably too irony poisoned for this song. i like the opening line “i’ve been wearing the same damn clothes for three damn days” though

yosemite- to me this song feels like the last one before the third act of the album and i rly like how it connects to earlier in the album (“no more candle in the wind” from tulsa jesus freak (and also mariners apartment complex now that i think abt it)) and later in the album (“we did it for free”) the chorus is really good and the spoken word interlude in the bridge is one of my fave moments on the album. love how she says “television static” also listen for that distinctive rick nowels million dollar man sound effect

breaking up slowly- probably the most traditional & familiar track on here but god does it hit. nikki lane is a great presence on here (even though i thought she was miley cyrus at first LMFAO) it’s short and sweet & the harmonies in the chorus that nikki and lana do together are really great especially when they say “don’t send me flowers.” nikki’s second verse EATS. “are these my good years or do i have none? / are there really good years for everyone?”

dance till we die- not one of my faves but still really good. the invocation of all these older women who r all musical legends definitely highlights how lana has kind of ascended to that plane. the BRIDGE however is a really pleasant surprise! i saw someone say she’s kind of giving alanis morrisette on the bridge and i agree. “court almost burnt down my home” is she talking about courtney love. please tell me she’s talking about courtney love

for free- one of her best covers for sure!! zella day sounds a lot like lana on the first verse, but weyes blood on the third verse is transcendent i love her. this being at the end rly drives home what i was talking about in the last track of lana kind of becoming one of those legendary figures. harmonies all the way through are insanely good

overall: one of her best albums for sure, i feel like it may be number 3 for me but that changes a lot. was worried this was gonna sound too much like NFR but she definitely carved out a specific sound for this one. really folky but with some light beats throughout which works for me & suits her voice & writing well. i will develop a full take on what this album MEANS as i listen to it more but for now i rly dig the themes she gets into here. her best vocals in a while (maybe ever) and maybe her most genuinely personal stuff as opposed to the embellishment & romanticization of her earlier stuff (which i love obviously don’t get it twisted) i called in sick to listen to this and didn’t regret it at all