#also cover subject to change
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Haven't really been arting so, working on the artbook/ zine. Nice to see all the work I'm doing be more than posts-
#ragna thumbnails#wip#preview#I mainly formatted and compiled so the text is off#also cover subject to change#also also only arc one artbook.#arc 2 I hope I know more about graphic design so I can make it more themed
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Producer 08 by Dedf1sh (©℗ 2013 goodlooking)
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#splatoon 2#dedfish#dedf1sh#acht mizuta#octo expansion#art#graphic design#ltj bukem#goodlooking#The original “Producer” series actually lasted until the seventh rendition with Producer 07 by Big Bud!#Dedf1sh continuing the legacy of goodlooking records would be hilariously accurate. I might make a few songs for this cover#When designing this I also realised that the font and positioning of the Producer logo and the general designs of the covers#changed a BIT over the run of these albums#For example#The font for the artist text in Producer 01 (LTJ Bukem) looked kind of funky before they changed it to the expansiva-esque one#Producer 05 also does not list LTJ Bukem as a member of goodlooking records#it just says “rarities” which I carried over!#Producer 03 Producer 06 and producer 07 all have all the text and logos in the bottom left corner (probably because the subjects are#in different places) and the font for Big Bud's artist text on Producer 07 is this strange barely readable 2020's y2k esque font#cool stuff!!
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jonnit is so cute 😂 I love him. and this metaphysician and his office are great. he's got a degree! he went to university!
#telomirage.txt#campaign skyjacks#'I'm also kinda getting from this [physical] that you are a seer so you might have a spiritual eye#that connects you to the universe at large' and jonnit covers his forehead 'NO. no! uh uh. just a kid!' his attempt to change the subject#that startled orimar right after that made me laugh out loud#LMAO ALSO knocking travis on the beak to wake him up
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happy wip wednesday and first day of nanowrimo y'all
tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton (tysm~ <3)
tagging @trench-rot, @cassietrn, @strangefable, @voidika, @madparadoxum, @aceghosts, @adelaidedrubman, @josephslittledeputy, @inafieldofdaisies, @g0dspeeed, @simplegenius042, @miyabilicious, @strafethesesinners, @confidentandgood, @jillvalentinesday, @poetikat, and anyone else with something to share! (also to be added/removed to the taglist, please like/unlike this post here)
here's the intro to the scene directly after this halloween treat i posted of syb getting bit and her transformation. she's havin' a normal one. tw for emetophobia
Sybille comes to consciousness to the light of dawn filtering through the canopy of leaves overhead.
Her head is pounding, a throbbing pain trapped inside her skull, and she winces as she hesitantly cracks her eyes open. She lets out a groan. The world is overwhelmingly bright. Most of the trees in the county are still changing colors, but here in the mountains, a good number have started to shed their leaves. What little shade they can provide, it isn’t enough to spare the burning to her eyes.
She lies on the ground, naked as the day she was born, and covered in dirt and blood. She sits up and presses her palm to her forehead, and the second she does, her body is set alight with pain. Every muscle screams at her with an ache so deep that it goes down to the marrow of her bones. Shallow cuts and scratches are littered across her body, from the soles of her bare feet to the blood trickling down her cheek. Yet, while the pain flashes white-hot through her, she’s also fucking freezing. The hair on her arms and back of neck stand on end and through chattering teeth, her breath comes out in visible puffs in front of her. A violent shudder rolls through her, her body desperately trying to ward off the chill.
“Jesus Christ,” she moans, and she runs her hand through her hair, knocking loose leaves, twigs, and pine needles. The sweet, coppery tang of blood sits heavy on the back of her tongue and in her throat, and as she runs her tongue over her teeth — normal teeth — she finds sinewy bits of meat stuck between them.
Her stomach clenches and heaves at the realization and she rolls over onto her hands and knees to expel the rising bile. Only it isn’t just her own stomach acid that splatters onto the forest floor below her. An inordinate amount of blood and chunky pieces of partially digested meat and viscera splash below her. Her throat burns and her eyes sting, prickling with tears, as more and more blood erupts from her mouth. Jesus Christ, this all can’t be hers, can it?
It ain’t. Just deer’s blood.
She gasps her way through the dry-heaves once she’s expelled the last of it from her stomach, grimacing at what appears to be flecks of bone floating in the pool beneath her. Her belly aches, empty and cramping, and she spits a thick, foamy pink wad onto the ground. Wiping the blood and spittle dripping off her chin, she takes a moment to catch her breath. Ragged pants eventually even out into deeper, rasping inhalations that actually fill her lungs.
“Okay,” she wheezes. “We’re okay…we’re okay…”
She lifts her head — to take in her surroundings and get her bearings — but as she does, she’s met with the bloody carcass of an elk right in front of her. Its belly is ripped wide open, with its entrails spilling out onto the ground. Dead, milky white eyes stare back at her, and a fly crawls right over one of them, pausing directly on the eyeball to clean itself of the blood on its little insect legs.
The kill is fresh. No more than an hour or two old. The blood and body are still warm, and the distinctive stench of rot has yet to set in, although she can definitely tell that it’s beginning to sour.
It’s almost a shame to let so much meat go to waste.
And then she catches the chunky bits of meat sitting in her vomit-blood and the color drains from her face. All signs point to the poor elk being killed by an animal — wolves — but why would they abandon their prey instead of bringing pieces back to their pack? And why would they have let her get so close to such a fresh kill? Why the fuck did she, in what she can only assume was a fugue state, feel compelled to partake in feeding off this kill?
And why does she have the urge to press her fingers into the gaping wound and lick the thick, clotting blood off her fingers?
She shakes her head to free the thought. The dizziness is enough of a distraction to drown out the intrusive thought, but not to quiet it entirely. She’s so thirsty. She’s so hungry.
She was hungry last night, too, wasn’t she?
Her head throbs again, and she crawls over to a nearby tree to lean against as she shakily rises to her feet. Pressing her hand to her forehead again, she screws her eyes shut, trying to recall the events of last night. The fuck happened?
She remembers dicking around at the office with Joey.
She remembers Nancy patching a call through to her desk phone.
She remembers Jacob’s voice on the other end. “One of my workers didn’t show up for the final check-in…no one’s been able to get a hold of him…we rounded up a search party…he’s stew meat now.”
She remembers driving up to the Veterans Center, only to find the place empty. And then…
And then…
Christ, what happened after that? Her jaw clenches, trying to focus on her memories, but all she gets is a blur of emotions. Fear, pain, rage, and then, eventually, hunger.
Hunger…
God, she’s so hungry her gums ache.
But her stomach can wait. She needs to find her way back to the Veterans Center and get back to her cruiser. She needs to let the Sheriff’s Department know what’s going on. Let them know about last night.
She needs to let Eli know she’s alright.
Shit, where are her clothes?
#wip wednesday#wip: the horror and the wild#everything subject to change yadda yadda#for what it's worth this scene does end in syb getting comforted by eli (who she eventually calls to come get her)#but also this will not be the first time she wakes up in the woods. naked and covered in blood and missing memories
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wait wym ive heard fast song covers with oliver before and he sounded fine??? 🤨
well i def won't exclude the possibility i might just suck ass at using him, and a lot of things are up to preference
that being said i think my preference is to not use him in really fast songs because uhhhhhhh.
(vsqx source)
#ask#anonymous#i assume this is a follow up to the joke in the previous memesquad doodle dump lol. sorry for getting to this so late#i wanted to really quickly just fuck around and this sadistic music factory vsqx is the fastest project file i have im pretty sure lol#i didnt do much here aside from changing phonemes and the clearness/brightness parameters a bit but. pls guys he is struggling#he is just not built for fast songs stop this madness 😭 (says me also forcing him to sing in genres he's absolutely not built for 💀)#the fun thing abt voca is you can technically force these guys to go beyond their limits of range pitch tempo etc unlike real humans#however that def doesnt guarantee it'll sound good lol 💀💀 tho then again ig 'sounding good' is extremely subjective#i know im veryyyyyyyyy very picky with my song covers so that might be me.#also the thumbnail is funny to me personally bc oliver is a BIG FAN of CRASHING MY FUCKING PROGRAM 😭😭😭 little guy WHYY#speaking of i need to speedrun what i was gonna do for his bday considering its this saturday AAAA
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just a comparison between some of the narumi sisters’ preferences~~~
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#so. likeeeeee~~~~~ i’m half done with the next chapter of idol sengen but i’ve got no time to continue it for now lmao#so take this table from the bonus portion of volume 4~~~~~#also bc like. the cover bonus kinda ties into the second bonus chapter of the volume so i can’t post it yet lmao#anyways this was hastily done and subject to changes on the proper release over there~~~~~~ stay tuned… maybe~~~?
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sabria "rook" mercar, shadow dragon mage. a spellblade with a natural aptitude for lightning and storm magic. she grew up by the sea, feels a kinship with it, and almost like she's channelling its storms and currents when she casts. sabria likes to masquerade as a rogue with her dagger on her belt and no staff in sight; magisters and tevinter slavers tend to underestimate non-mages and it means she can get right up close before unleashing her magic on them. mages, ranged AOE fighters? not sabria. she's right there in it, and she's direct.
sabria is elf-blooded and therefore small for a human, born to an elf slave who was freed when sabria was small. they lived with other liberati for a while, but when she was found wandering the streets of minrathous as a child, all she would say was that her mama was gone, and she was alone. and then she did not speak again for months. even now, if she's upset or frankly traumatised, she has a tendency to go completely silent. it was a shadow dragon who found her, assumed some connection to slavery, and got her placed with a couple who'd wanted children but could not have them. while not part of the organisation themselves, sabria's adoptive parents were at least somewhat sympathetic to the cause, and her adoptive father, in tevinter's navy, would turn a blind eye to ships rescuing slaves and smuggling them out of the imperium. but that has always been too passive, for rook, it has never felt like enough; she joined the shadow dragons as soon as she could, needing to do something concrete.
she does not consider herself a leader, but someone who does the right thing, even if it goes against the elite or the rules or her orders. she's a little prickly on the outside, a little stormy, but she's been through a lot and is protecting the soft heart she has. she's got a dry wit and deadpan sense of humour, and is very much about acts of service for those she cares about. loves music and plays the lute? there are lutes in thedas right? tho she doesn't advertise that, or that she loves nature. she knows how to survive, is very much street smarts, can pick locks as well as any rogue. while she can call lightning from the skies or start fires with her hands, she can also send little jolts through touch — another thing that happens inadvertently when she's upset — but also maybe be a human defibrillator z.oya n.azyalensky style.
this is so much rambling for a character i won't get to properly meet for a month but here we are she is living rent free in my head and yet i'm sure i'll look back on this post and laugh bc none of it holds true once i've started playing.
#i hate the way da does half-elves what if i say she has just baby pointy ears that most people overlook and/or is covered by her hair#she's v much not a spirit healer or anything like that but forces of nature can also save lives#this is also obviously uh. all subject to change but everyone else is making a rook and i don't want to be left out#esp personality that's gonna be shaped by the voice/dialogue options#i have a second rook in mind but they're much less formed atm (city elf rogue veil jumper. either duelist or veil ranger idk for sure)#(joined to find out more abt their heritage bc they're a big nerd. idolises warden tabris. impulsive and will touch artefacts w/o thinking)#SABRIA MERCAR / about.#slavery //#dav spoilers //#veilguard spoilers //
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Nobody luvs u :( Nobody cares :((
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crusty version with more effects
#artists on tumblr#babymint#baby mint#alya#vigilante au#kinda#im a big babymint fan and i love their cover of nobody luvs u#so i wanted to draw something for it#so i used alya as a subject#bc i like drawing her#also#if u see her face change#no u didnt#im still figuring out what exactly she looks like#cause i just recently started actually drawing semi detailed facial features#so i need to make a chart of how i wanna draw all the ninja and my ocs
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Also having to tag all those Pokemon characters really emphasizes how bullshit my tagging system is LMFAOOOO LIKE.
Character has a common and/or name you'd hear irl -> Okay I have to establish which game/franchise. Character has a relatively uncommon name -> They are the only character ever with that name and I'm going to tag them as such. OR similarly, esp in Pokemon's case: Character has a unique name made specifically for them -> They are the only character ever with that name and I'm going to tag them as such (real this time).
And the lines are NOT clear it is all vibes. Which honestly has led to the funny fe alfonse tag as if I'm calling him Mr. Lastname meanwhile Sharena is Sharena my best friend Sharena. LITERALLY feels like I'm on a first name basis w her and NOT her brother LMFAOOOOO
#this is made funnier bc of. well. you know 😳🫣#alfonse used to have that statis on my blog as well though until i realized someone has an oc w the same name#and out of respect/not wanting to clog the alfonse tag i decided to fe him 🫡👍#so not only are the lines not even there they're also subject to change at any moment.#despite this i try my best to keep it consistent 😅🥲#BUT ALSO SOMETIMES. IT'S TOO LATE TO GO BACK. LIKE. MY other's art TAG.#initially when i Only posted my own art and never reblogged ect when i DID start reblogging art#i was REALLY concerned about credit/fear of stealing art and i REALLY wanted to emphasize it's not my work#and now it's just too late to change it. it would be weird to change it.#but hey. if you ever wanna just look at a collection of art made by different users!! i've got you covered 🫡
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It is deeply, deeply beneficial to TERFs if the only characteristic of TERF ideology you will recognize as wrong, harmful, or problematic is "they hate trans women".
TERF ideology is an expansive network of extremely toxic ideas, and the more of them we accept and normalize, the easier it becomes for them to fly under the radar and recruit new TERFs. The closer they get to turning the tide against all trans people, trans women included.
Case in point: In 2014-2015, I fell headlong into radical feminism. I did not know it was called radical feminism at the time, but I also didn't know what was wrong with radical feminism in the first place. I didn't see a problem with it.
I was a year deep into this shit when people I had been following, listening to, and looking up to finally said they didn't think trans women were women. It was only then that I unfollowed those people, specifically; but I continued to follow other TERFs-who-didn't-say-they-were-TERFs. I continued ingesting and spreading their ideas- for years after.
If TERFs "only target trans women" and "only want trans women gone", if that's the one and only problem with their ideology and if that's the only way we'll define them, we will inevitably miss a vast majority of the quiet beliefs that support their much louder hatred of trans women.
As another example: the trans community stood relatively united when TERFs and conservatives targeted our right to use the correct restroom, citing the "dangers" of trans women sharing space with cis women. But when they began targeting Lost Little Girls and Confused Lesbians and trotting detransitioners out to raise a panic about trans men, virtually the only people speaking up about it were other transmascs. Now we see a rash of anti-trans healthcare bills being passed in the US, and they're hurting every single one of us.
When you refuse to call a TERF a TERF just because they didn't specifically say they hate trans women, when you refuse to think critically about a TERF belief just because it's not directly related to trans women, you are actively helping TERFs spread their influence and build credibility.
#all of this is very on point. hope you don't mind the screenshot#also hoping it doesn't come off as just self-congratulatory. this is really about the rest#i considered cropping the first and last tags but that felt dishonest#random aside and total change of subject. just autistic infodumping more than anything#the end reminds me of why i don't like calling race science social darwinism eugenics phrenology psychoanalysis etc 'pseudoscience'#like if you understand science from the idealized scientist's perspective of principled rigorous attempts to understand the world#though i'll of course note that perspective is very tied up in the politics of modernity#then sure. to modern science they are very much pseudoscience#with the caveats that 'psychoanalysis' covers a lot of things#and my understanding is for treating some anxiety disorders freudian methods are very effective and still pretty much the gold standard#(insert semi-relevant caveat about taxonomy and social construction of mental illness. yes my language is a bit clumsy and medical)#but you know the parts i'm talking about#but socially? these have been accepted science. they've affected culture. policy. direction of scientific research.#society and science at large in all sorts of ways!
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thinking about Scythe Sappho. I know what you are.
#corrows talk#even though she’s only mentioned a handful of times. shes still important to me.#the words most miserable lesbian (she was the first scythe to self glean)#I think she was my s/i’s mentor. she taught Andy (name subject to change) not only how to be a good scythe. but how to fully embrace their#emotions. i think the Thunderhead saw how much strife being queer caused people and changed the emo-nanties to cover up being queer. but#just like Scythe Sappho Scythe Warhol also turned off their emo-nanties (and most of their nannies) and almost instantly fell head over#heels for Marie.#that was a lot more than I was expecting to write. oopsie!#immortal love🗡️
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Just saw an article about how the phone line I have been using for 10 years now is about to get AI features. You seemingly cannot disable them. My phone updates automatically whether I tell it to or not. The most recent update has already fucked up autocorrect. I can type the sentence, "Yeah, I'm about to leave work," to my sister and it'll correct it to, "Yeah, if I am when I am leaving working." It just adds words and corrects me on shit that isn't wrong. Likes to put things in a tense other than the one I've been using previously. Or it'll straight up correct things to something that doesn't make sense (ex, I type "tge" by mistake and it corrects it to "yet"). I do not have the money for a new phone right now. I will lose my mind if AI becomes the way this thing functions.
#the phone also literally has been growing mold since i bought it#no matter what i do there's mold inside#i brought it to my carrier after purchase and they're just like yep. got a case of a moldy phone.#said it wouldn't change how it functions (???)#at any given time there's a mold colony growing out of the phone and into the case#so maybe that was my first sign that i need not use this brand any more#but it was $200 so like.... can i really complain about the mold?#no idea what kind of mold it is either. it's white with a green tint. looks kinda like bread mold.#but on the ai subject. i feel like that might just be the new standard and I'll be unable to avoid it.#if that's the case i might be going back to flip phones#if i have some learning model suggesting shit to me based on what I've like texted to someone or something I'm gonna do 9/11 2#i want a battery that doesn't drain itself in 5 hours flat in temps above 90 or under 35#i want more reliable service in the major city i live in (which for whatever reason isn't covered properly by my carrier)#i want the phone to be serviceable so i can use it longer than 2-3 years if i wish to#i do not want an ai suggesting i buy shroggles (shrek goggles) because of a text i sent
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87CLOCKERS
#manga covers#Tomoko Ninomiya#this is one of those working/hobby manga that i always love talking about#because of all things the special interest subject here#that we follow our protagonist on their learning process thru#is building and overclocking PCs#it's by the mangaka that did Nodame Cantabile#and go figure its also about a quarter life crisis music student#having his world changed by a quirky girl with a special interest#its the most absolutely unlikely premise#but go figure it got 9 volumes#51 chapters total
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Okay, so far (dates 1-3 of tourdust) we have:
The set changes to drop a giant doberman head that, contrary to what I theorized in the days leading up to tourdust, does not shoot bubbles from its mouth, but in the same set change translucent balls are dropped (And in at least one occasion have been kicked by Joe ) and the mouth does move to sing along, and then a tree shows up (and it is very relevant that it is real and you can touch it)
'Pyrotechnics & Flames' includes Pete fucking around with a Flamethrower Bass
Piano with no setlist that in Patrick's words was added because Pete thought it would be cool and when confronting him with "I dont really play songs that aren't mine and i don't really have piano songs and i don't really play piano" the only answer was "eh, you'll figure it out". And he did. The motherfucker. Figuring things out on the spot.
Baby Annihilation, the spoken word poetry, which includes a disappearing magic trick by Pete, who then shows up on top of the tree and then is back down doing shenanigans like doing laps around the crowd by the time they play the next FOB song (what, did i forget to mention after the trick to give him time they play a fragment of Crazy Train? whoops my bad.)
The setlist includes songs from all eras, it is currently unknown which ones because they could change at any time. This is being docummented extensively but important mentions for the sake of the fuckitweballery are: Headfirst which used to be booed during Folie days, and Patrick wanted to play again and after getting good reception at Heaven they've added it to the set, Heaven Iowa which is Andy's favourite track in the album, Gin Joints which Joe mentioned wanting to play again in his book was an 8 ball song (ty @omegalomania for pointing it out!) and also a section is dedicated to travelling back and it seems to feature mainly TTTYG. On the note of things changing at any time Take Over was swapped with Hum Hallelujah for Kansas.
Here's the lists for Chicago, St. Louis (no Kansas available yet), it is its own point instead of being just a fun "might as well add this" because the magic 8 ball song is written in code :3. And the first version that leaked is also different, btw.
The Magic 8 Ball is a bit where Pete asks it if they should play a surprise song, so far it can be a song they've never played before or an old song that's out of their set rotation. So far it's been GINASFS ("a song we've never played before", codename GOLF) Gin Joints ("an old song about crashed cars", codename GAMMA JULIET) and Sophomore Slump ("Let me see that sign...let me tell you right now the magic 8 ball cannot be hypnotized or fucking intimidated"/"is this our sophomore slump?", codename unknown, what IS known is that joe didn't know how to play it)
Patrick sings the Arms Race call and response with that aforementioned giant Doberman head, which as mentioned before moves its mouth in time with the lyrics, good dog. (as pointed out by @mageshine-dance)
Pete also likes to interact with the doggie. In his Pete way.
They stroll around with maybe maybe not stage passes (and because they're very Some Guy passing and playing large venues here's the mugshots poster for venue employees) pete showed up to take a picture with the queue.
Meanwhile Joe is using this strolling time to hide copies of his book for a scavenger hunt.
(Patrick and Andy are being more normal about this freedom and have been spotted listening to the openers, not really fuckitweballing material smh but just in case you're wondering if we know anything about what they've been up to)
(Did you know there's a character limit for how long you can make a single block of text (like a bulleted list) before tumblr breaks it up? Because tumblr forgets and reformats it into a single block every time you edit and then doesn't let you save until you've changed it back. Hopefully this fixes it, but this IS the website of all time.)
Ah yes how could we forget, clothing-wise Andy maintains his iconic look, moobs on full display, black shorts (Also probably referenced the MTG buttcrack guy meme). Joe has been keeping it real with a grey t-shirt and jeans. Pete is donning a blue poncho/hoodie/The-Mesh&Rose-Harness for a triple layered striptease and leather pants. Patrick's been consistent with this era with a t-shirt, jacket, baseball cap and a variety of jeans-
lol who's kidding, this is the Fuck It We Ball compilation there's a reason we're listing outfits like we're in My Immortal: the t-shirt depicts a crying sun & smiling moon and matches Pete's hoodie and for Kansas he decided to do away with the t-shirt and cap and instead wear a black shirt and fedora combo.
Also because last section's links served the not-so-hidden purpose of highlighting how insanely soulmates they have been, it would be a grave omission to not add this moment to the list.
And more posing happened with the Kansas crowd picture.
Credit list is massive so it's here instead
Here's links to part 2 and 3
Someone needs to start compiling all the ways this is THE tour of Fuck It We Ball before we forget things like Joe literally has a scavenger hunt for his book going on and Pete managed to convince Patrick to spontaneous piano with a "eh you'll figure it out" (thus causing night 3 to be "Patrick deadass figures he may as well play a piano cover of I'm Like A Lawyer") and Pete's magic trick apparentyl coming with variants (or at least that he went for a crowd lap) because it's the details that elevate this tour from "there's extra surprise songs with the 8 ball gimmick and a piano intermission" to "Fuck. It. WE. BALL."
#the tour of fuck it we ball#fall out boy#fob#tourdust#tourdust spoilers#so much (for) tourdust#so much for tourdust#(I really hope I've tagged this enough for spoilers seeing as this is a huge compilation of the things to be surprised by)#guess i am the someone#i'll probably update this specially as i hunt down links to prove this isn't a fever dream or lies like that they covered super bass#also this is all being written from the trenches of tumblr fob is not coming anywhere near me (i AM blaming mr. saporta tyvm)#so it's subject to change or get worse once things get clarified by the people who were there to suffer_IRL#updated with a few things i've seen mentioned or that have become available after the post and a correction
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My Beloved Boys
Warnings: MDNI, sex, virginity loss, threesome, oral (m rec), clit play, childhood friends to lovers trope. Liberties taken with the timeline, this is not the canon timeline, ages have been changed for story convenience. ANGSTY. A/n: Caleb got me ya'll. I tried, I tried really hard, I promise. And now this is what my ovulating brain has cooked up. Please enjoy it. I know this wasn't on my upcoming but I couldn't help it. Also please note, reader, Caleb, and Zayne are all the same age aka 18 here. Not proofread, expect raw text and descriptions.
It had been a few weeks since you’d joined UNICORNS and Tara invited you over to her place for a girls’ weekend. All of you were comfortably laid out in different parts of her living room, drinking wine and eating slices of pizza from the box.
The night had been fun, and with an entire bottle now empty, the women were loosening up and the topics were getting more and more risque. From complaining about exes to sex, to size measurements, they had finally arrived on the subject of virginity.
“So, what was your first time like?” All eyes are suddenly fixed on you and you feel self-conscious. Taking a sip of your wine, you try not to flush as you vividly remember all the details like it was yesterday.
“Oh, you know. Awkward. Shy. The usual.” You try to act nonchalant but Tara leans forward with a gleam in her eye.
“Oh come on! Tell us!”
Looking at the crowd of eager faces, you empty your glass before confessing, “My first time…was with two people.” You wait with bated breath, and slowly, one by one, everyone’s eyes widen with comprehension.
“Excuse me?” Tara squeals and sinks her fingers into your arm. You wince and pry her off.
“A threesome for your first time?” One of the other women joined in, a huge grin on her face. “Did it hurt?”
“Why a threesome? Was it something you fantasized about?”
You shake your head no at all the questions. “No. Growing up, I had two best friends and I loved them dearly. I just…couldn’t choose between them both.”
“Tell us everything.” Tara sits down on the carpet and all the women gather in a tight circle looking eagerly at you. You sigh and extend your glass.
“Get me more wine.”
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~Flashback~
It was the summer after graduating senior year. You were enjoying what would possibly be the last summer before everyone went their separate ways. Life had been rough for you, losing your family several years earlier. But now, you had a grandmother, and 2 best friends who had been through everything with you. Still, the memories brought back a sense of bittersweet nostalgia. Your nextdoor neighbor Zayne, and your grandmother’s other ward Caleb, were your inseparable companions since you had moved in with Josephine after the devastating wanderer attack that had destroyed most of Linkon City.
Zayne and Caleb were alike, yet different. Both of them were tall and intelligent. Zayne was stoic and introverted, whereas Caleb was extroverted and easygoing. Somehow, the three of you became a unit, never seen without the other two in tow. Any escapades or shenanigans were always done together. You’d done homework together, fell asleep on the living room floor watching cartoons, and shared many meals in the last few years. The idea of being without them seemed unthinkable. Impossible in fact. You’d assumed you would all stay together in Linkon forever.
That had all changed last year, the summer before your senior year. You had been looking forward to spending the summer with Zayne and Caleb. But as the three of you had sat down at your usual boba tea spot, Zayne became very quiet as you started discussing plans for the summer.
“What’s wrong with you? Is your tea not cold enough? You can just use your evol right?” Caleb had teased, sipping his drink. He gives Zayne a playful jab and Zayne glares at him, adjusting his glasses that had slipped down his nose.
“Zayne?” You reach out and cover his hand with yours, hoping he’ll talk. There was a strange expression on his face. “Talk to us.”
“Yeah, Zayne. Talk to us.” Caleb widens his eyes and covers your hand with his. “We’re here for you boy,” he says with a tinge of mockery, making his voice sound high and feminine and you give him a withering look, pulling your hand out of the pile.
Zayne sips his milk tea, then quietly says, “I might not be here for most of the summer.” Caleb and you exchange a look before glancing back at Zayne.
“What do you mean?”
Zayne looks apologetic like he regrets not sharing this news earlier. “I’ll be touring colleges most of the summer. And my parents decided to make it a road trip.”
“Colleges?” Caleb looked intrigued. “You already started applications?”
“I did. And…several of them have already sent in offers for next fall.”
“What?!” You’re louder than you had intended to be. Zayne winces and you lower your voice. “You’ve already received acceptance letters and didn’t bother telling us?”
“I’m sorry.” Zayne holds up his hands in a gesture of peace. “I just didn’t know how to bring it up. Neither of you had mentioned college and I didn’t want to talk about it if you weren’t ready.”
“But Zaynie!” Caleb puts a hand on his chest looking wounded. “We’re a family bro! Why wouldn’t you tell us?”
Zayne shakes his head and drinks his tea. You’re about to as well when realization washes over you. “Wait. You said you had several acceptance letters.”
“I do.”
“Well, where are they? You’re staying in Linkon right?” You ask, and for some reason, your heartbeat is increasing. You wait for Zayne to say, of course, one of them is in Linkon and that’s his first choice.
“I did receive an offer from Linkon Medical University. However…there are better programs.”
“Really? So you might move for college?” Caleb regards Zayne passively.
“It’s not out of the question.”
An unnatural silence falls at the table as the three of you drink your teas. This was wonderful news for Zayne. You were happy for him, but inside, it felt like your heart had been tied into a painful knot. You knew Zayne was the smartest of your group and that he was destined to be a doctor. But you hadn’t even thought it would mean Zayne might not be in Linkon City anymore. From a professional standpoint, it made sense. He deserved to go to the best college. But it left you feeling hollow like his impending departure had fractured the carefully crafted life you’d built since you’d been taken in by your grandmother.
“When are you leaving?” Caleb breaks the silence and you’re relieved.
“Sometime in July.”
“Oh, great! We still have a month then.”
“Well…”
Caleb’s eyebrows knit together in dismay. “What?”
“I have some extra classes I need to take. I’m hoping to get a head start on the pre-med requisites.”
“So, you’re going to be in school all of June?” You try to hide your disappointment.
Zayne sighs. “Unfortunately. I’ll still be around. We can make time to hang out.”
You nod unenthusiastically, then hiss as you feel Caleb step on your foot under the table. His purple eyes give you a sharp glance and he gestures towards Zayne and you realize this wasn’t about you; Zayne had shared news that he knew would affect your dynamic but had done so thinking he would have the support of his friends. Caleb reminding you of your manners was humbling and you lowered your gaze.
“I’m really happy for you Zayne.” You murmur, then rearrange your features into what you hoped was a pleasant look of approval. “Congratulations.”
Zayne’s eyes seem to lighten at your appreciation. “Thank you. It took me by surprise actually.”
“Seriously Zaynie. That’s really impressive. So we’re gonna have a doctor amongst us. Hey, you better give us the good drugs if we ever come to you.” Caleb pats Zayne on the shoulder in an acclamatory fashion. Zayne’s demeanor visibly relaxes and you try to keep up a happy face for the rest of the evening.
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The sun was starting to set by the time you got home, the lazy streaks of tangerine painting the sky vivid shades of pink and orange. There was a feeling of uneasiness in your stomach as you changed into pajamas and brushed your teeth. It had taken years for you to get some semblance of a family, and now someone was going away. AGAIN.
You try to reassure yourself that this wasn’t the same thing. Zayne might be going away for college but it wasn’t until next year. You still had your senior year left to build some precious final memories. Somehow, he seemed older all of a sudden, like he had become an adult within a few hours of telling you about his acceptance letters. You knew you’d be going to college too but hadn’t given much thought about any of it. After the Linkon City disaster, you had decided you didn’t want to wander too far away. You didn’t want to leave Grandma Josephine all by herself. Although Zayne seemed to have made up his mind about attending a college somewhere else, you reminded yourself that you still had Caleb.
Caleb hadn’t talked about college much, but you knew he wanted to attend. He didn’t know what he would major in, but he was naturally gifted in mechanics. You assumed he would be an engineer or something similar. He and Zayne had inherited the math skills, and you’d managed to get a decent grade by studying with them, or rather, getting bullied by them, with Zayne trying not to snap explaining how he got the answer versus Caleb taunting you saying you’d never graduate high school if you were this stupid. It was then you had decided perhaps a career in science wasn’t for you. But perhaps something in the arts, or communications. Perhaps languages. You wondered if maybe you were kidding yourself by not already sending out applications, or at the very least, making a list of where you’d like to attend.
Restless and unable to turn off your mind, you go next door to Caleb’s room and knock.
“Enter at your own risk!”
Rolling your eyes, you walk in and see Caleb sprawled out on his bed, holding his Switch over his head as he gamed. “Oh, pipsqueak. It’s you.”
You sit on the edge of his bed, fiddling with the corner of the quilt as he continues to play. As you waited, you looked up at the ceiling, where little airplane models, all built by Caleb’s own hands, had been carefully strung up using fish wire and hooks. Little glow-in-the-dark stars littered the spaces in between. You sigh and draw your knees up to your chest, wondering what would happen to the models if he left for college.
Noticing your morose expression, Caleb exits the game and sits upright. “What’s the matter with you?”
You shake your head and squeeze the bridge of your nose. “It’s Zayne. Did you know he had already applied to colleges?”
“No.” Caleb leans on his bed assessing you. “But I’m not surprised. And he has a point.”
“Which is?”
“Colleges are really competitive these days. Like even with excellent grades and extracurriculars, some people still have to take a gap year because they didn’t get in or they got put on a waiting list.”
You consider his words. “Do you think we should be applying too?”
“If we were smarter, we’d have already applied.” Caleb runs a hand over his face. “But it’s ok. We have the whole summer to plan. I think applications reopen sometime over winter break. We can apply then. You know, like normal students, and not nerds like Zayne.”
You laugh weakly, giving Caleb a reprimanding look. “That’s not a nice thing to say about our friend.”
“He’s not around is he? Anyway. Don’t fret pipsqueak. You’ll get in somewhere too.”
“You’ll stay close to Linkon right?” You lean closer to Caleb, your eyes boring into his. “We can’t leave grandma by herself.”
“Of course. Don’t worry.” Caleb puts an arm around your shoulders and pulls you towards him. Your head rests on his shoulder as he traces circles into your arm. The action is comforting and familiar, and a sense of calm washes over you.
“I don’t like it when people leave.” You confess quietly and Caleb sighs.
“I know. You used to cry all the time when you first came here. You cried when grandma left to get groceries. You cried when I left for soccer practice. You cried when it was time for Zayne to go home. Honestly,” he smirks and pinches you, making you yip in surprise. “You’re such a crybaby that I’m surprised you want to attend college at all. You know you’re gonna have to live with strangers in the dorm right? Are you gonna cry into your little bear plushie?”
He grins and dodges a blow from you, a bark of laughter escaping him as you try to roughhouse. He indulges you for two missed attempts then leaps and pins you to the mattress. You squirm and shriek under him, trying to escape as he tickles you relentlessly.
“Caleb! Caleb stop!” There are tears in your eyes from the hilarity of the situation.
“Aw, are you gonna cry when you’re being tickled now too? Crybaby crybaby!” Caleb continues to mock you before you pull a dirty move; you angle your knee against his crotch and grin as you instantly feel him go still.
“You wouldn’t dare.” Caleb’s breathing has stilled, and he’s warily looking down at you as you prepare to play your trump card.
“I’ve done it before and won’t hesitate to do it again.” Knowing you had him in the palm of your hand, you look him deadpan in the eye.
“Get off.” Caleb complies immediately and you sigh, trying to calm your unsteady heart.
“You’re really heartless sometimes ya know?” Caleb’s voice is heard near your head and you turn to face him.
“I had to learn.”
A moment of peace falls between you both and Caleb softly cups your cheek. “Everything will be ok. I promise. You won’t be left behind. You’ll always have a family. We’ll never be too far away from you.”
“You’d better not.” You huff and suddenly feel exhausted. “Caleb?”
“You can stay here tonight.”
“I didn’t-”
“I already knew. I knew from the second Zayne said he’s not going to be around this summer.” Caleb shifts and pulls you under his quilt. You bury your nose into his chest and close your eyes.
“This doesn’t mean I’m not independent.” You quip and a rumble emanates from Caleb’s chest.
“Of course not pipsqueak. Miss independent.” He strokes your hair and your eyelids grow heavy. Caleb tucks your head under his chin. “But you can be as dependent on me as you want.” Those are the last words you hear before falling into a deep slumber.
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You barely see Zayne for the next few weeks. His classes kept him busy and he always had homework. Caleb had suddenly become secretive after the night you’d spent in his room though he kept reassuring you that he was fine. You sulk as you watch TV by yourself, Caleb having locked himself in his room again. You wondered what had made him behave so differently. The last few times you’d tried to talk to him, he’d unceremoniously shoved you back out.
“Boys need their privacy sometimes,” Grandma had reassured you, noticing the way you were glowering at the TV. “Would you like to help me run errands?”
Josephine's list wasn’t terribly exciting, but you were still bitter from being snubbed by Caleb, so you went anyway. Several hours later, you return feeling accomplished. Just as you’re about to help Josephine put away the groceries, you hear footsteps on the stairs and Caleb finally makes an entrance.
“Oh look at that! Our groundhog has made a rare appearance!” Josephine teases as Caleb grins sheepishly.
“Ooh, apples!” He says zealously seeing you unbag the bright red fruits. As he’s about to grab one you smack his hand and he withdraws with a yelp.
“What was that for?” He rubs his hand looking offended.
“Only people who helped buy the groceries are entitled to eat them.” You put them away neatly into the fruit basket on the counter, refusing to look at Caleb. With Zayne being awol you had thought Caleb would be a little more sensitive towards you and you were still quite annoyed at his lack of consideration. Caleb huffs, then hoists himself onto the kitchen counter, his long legs dangling off the edge.
“What were you doing all this while anyway?” Josephine asks as she puts away more groceries. “Summer vacation usually means I can’t get a hold of you two even if I needed to. I thought you were planning to go to the beach? Play volleyball with some of your friends?”
“Yeah, and we will. Even if this little gremlin is mad at me.” Caleb hesitantly looks at you, hoping you’d simmered down but you shoot daggers at him and he shakes his head. “I need to talk to you both.”
Your heart skips a beat at his words. You turn to look at him but Caleb’s eyes are fixated on Josephine, who’s looking curious.
“What is it? Nothing serious I hope?” The old woman sits down at the kitchen table.
“No, it’s not serious. But. It’s kind of sudden.” Caleb’s refusal to make eye contact with you was now starting to scare you. “Grandma, we told you about Zayne and him already getting ready for college right?”
“You did. I always knew Zayne would excel at whatever he put his mind to. Clever boy that one.”
“Well, his news was sort of a wake-up call for me. What I was doing all these days was looking at colleges, and I think I know what I want to do.”
The evening summer sunlight falls charmingly on Caleb’s face, illuminating his smooth skin, the dark hair falling elegantly into his eyes and for a moment, you feel the same sensation you had felt after Zayne had told you about college. You heart was already twisting into nervous knots, and you waited with bated breath as Caleb continued.
“I’ve decided I want to be a pilot.” His eyes are lit up with ambition as he says the words. Josephine cups her cheeks with her hands, a smile growing on her wrinkled face.
“That’s wonderful Caleb! I’m very happy for you.”
“Yeah. And. There’s something else I found out while doing my research.” Josephine immediately leans forward attentively. You listen quietly, but you can’t help but feel a slight sense of betrayal. Why would Caleb need to hide this from you? It wasn’t a secret that he wanted to go to college, and he loved talking about planes and jets. You felt like there was a piece he was hiding, saving it for fear of losing their attention.
“The Deepspace Aviation Administration has an apprenticeship-based degree which guarantees I’d graduate as a pilot. It’s a degree in Aviation Engineering. Grandma.” Caleb’s voice has softened, and he looks at her beseechingly.“They’re offering a month-long crash camp this summer. A lot of the students that go have better chances of making it into the program. There’s one slot left. Can I please go?”
There it was. That’s what he’d been hiding. A month. Without Caleb. Silently, you resume unpacking the groceries, turning your back to Caleb as you do so. Josephine’s face was lined with delight.
“Oh, Caleb! I’m so happy you’ve figured this out. Of course, you can go!” She rises from her seat and makes her way to Caleb who slips off the counter to hug her. She barely came up to his waist but she’s brimming with pride.
“Go fill out the application before someone else gets it! Go!” She slapped him on the back and Caleb, looking like he’d just been told he’d won the lottery, sprinted back upstairs. Silence fills the small kitchen. Pretending to act normal, you start gathering ingredients to prepare dinner.
“Annoying loser.” You mutter under your breath. “He hasn’t even offered to help cook dinner the last few days.” You feel a hand on your shoulder and turn to see Josephine standing right behind you.
“It’s ok to be upset.”
“I’m not upset.” You start washing the potatoes at the sink. Josephine sighs, then wraps her arms around your waist, giving you a gentle hug.
“Take your time. You know where to find me if you want to talk.” The woman hobbles out of the kitchen, and you put the washed potatoes on a cutting board. Your hand trembles as you pick up the knife, and the backs of your eyes feel hot and prickly. You didn’t understand why you felt like this. It was just a month. Caleb hadn’t applied for college yet. And even if he ended up at Deepspace Aviation it wasn’t too far away. But why did you feel like you were being left behind? Like everyone had their future planned but you? And none of their plans seemed to involve you at all?
You angle your knife to slice the potatoes, then let out a frustrated huff; memories of being a little girl, while Caleb held your hand in his as he taught you how to quickly dice your vegetables, patting your head with praise as he did so. You weren’t quite sure why potatoes were making you feel this way. Unbidden, a tear rolls down your cheek and you dash it away with your finger.
“Didn’t even offer to help with dinner.” More tears stream down your face and you let out a quiet sob.
“There’s no one to help me make dinner.”
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“C’mon pipsqueak, at least say goodbye to me!”
Caleb was standing at the door, ready to leave for camp. You stood, arms crossed, refusing to speak to him. Josephine softly gives you a push.
“Go on now. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“No, I won’t. Besides he’ll be back in a month. It’s not like he’s staying there forever. Like they’d let him. They’ll probably call us begging to to take him back within a week.” Your snarky attitude hadn’t improved since he’d announced his acceptance.
Josephine looks at Caleb and shakes her head helplessly. She’d attempted to ameliorate your temper for the last 2 weeks and had gotten nowhere. You had avoided Caleb altogether, even when he’d come knocking on your door to talk. There was a vindictive satisfaction in knowing that your ignoring him was bothering him. A little taste of his own medicine. Didn’t feel so good to be shut off from your best friend now, did it? The thought made your lip curl even as your stomach churned from the knowledge that you would be by yourself for the next month.
Caleb checks his watch and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m getting late. Pipsqueak please.” Caleb opens his arms, giving you the most apologetic look he could muster. “Come say goodbye.”
You stood firm, even though every fiber in your being was burning to leap into his arms and hug him tight.
“The bus won’t wait forever.” Caleb quickly strides towards you and before you can step away he’s wrapped his arms around you, and you’re stuck in his embrace. Tears form in your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. Your arms remain stiff at your sides even as Caleb continues to hunch, silently bidding you farewell. When he finally lets go, he ruffles your hair. “I’ll see you next month. You can always reach me on my phone.” With a final wave, Caleb sprints out the door to board the bus.
You spend the day coming up with various ways to kill the time but nothing works. Video games felt lackluster and your mind refused to engage with the book you tried reading. For dinner, Josephine ordered burgers from your favorite restaurant to try and cheer you up. You sat quietly, unable to savor the food. Finally, before bedtime, you cave. Anything was better than this crushing, empty feeling in your stomach. You walk into Caleb’s room, and curl up under his quilt, inhaling the familiar scent. It was hard to believe he had been there just a few hours earlier, and you hugged his pillow, regretting your earlier actions. You pull out your phone and make a video call.
“Pipsqueak! Miss me already?” Caleb grins widely at you. The background is filled with activity, filled with high school students wandering around and acquainting themselves.
“Shut up.” You say but your voice quivers. “Caleb I’m sorry.”
Caleb’s eyes soften. “It’s ok. You don’t have to be.”
“But I was so mean to you.”
“Yeah, you were. But what can I say? How can I be mad at my family?” His words break the shield you’d built around yourself and you sniffle, letting the tears fall.
“Please don’t cry all over my pillow. It’ll get soggy.” Caleb tries to joke but your tears are eating away at him. He knew what this would do to you, which is why he hadn’t told you his plans before they were solid. “I’ll be back before you know it. Be good for grandma ok?”
You nod, a lump forming in your throat. “I miss you, Caleb.”
“I miss you too. Please don’t be miserable the whole time I’m gone. Try to focus on things important to you too. Maybe make your list of colleges.”
“Yeah. I will.” You wipe away your tears. “Will you make dumplings for me when you come back?”
“Is that all I was good for?” Caleb asks in an offended tone but he’s grinning. “Yeah I will. I promise. Now go to sleep.”
He hangs up and you find the knot in your heart has loosened slightly. Caleb was right. You needed to focus on you. You turn over and are about to go to sleep when a text lights up your screen.
“Ice cream tomorrow?”
It was from Zayne. You smile. They’d never really leave you all alone. You text him a yes and fall asleep contentedly.
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“How are you feeling with Caleb gone?”
You’re seated across from Zayne with a huge banana split sitting on the table between you. You twirl the spoon between your fingers, thinking.
“It’s strange. I miss him of course. The house feels empty.” You sample some of the ice cream. “It’s even emptier without you.”
Zayne looks guilty as he also takes a bite of the sundae. “I’m sorry. I know it must seem strange given how much time we all spent together. Believe me, if I had known Caleb wasn’t going to be here I would have put in more effort to check in on you.”
“It’s not your fault.” You lay down your spoon, contemplating. Zayne cocks his head.
“Something on your mind?”
You twitch your mouth to the side and try to explain. “Well, I recently realized I seem to have a problem with being by myself. And I’m trying to change that.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because. It’s illogical for me to think I’ll always have you or Caleb or grandma around. I know a lot of it stems from losing my parents. But I can’t be this way every time I have to be away from you guys.” You stab the spoon into the mound of whipped cream at the top of the ice cream. “We’re all going to college next year, and we might go months without seeing each other. I’m trying to be more independent and in control of my feelings. Otherwise, how am I supposed to survive?”
Zayne nods emphatically as you speak. “That’s a very rational way of thinking. However, I don’t think I can fault you for not wanting any of us to move away.”
“Really?” You carefully fish out a cherry from the top of one of the ice cream scoops.
“Of course. It’s natural to want to stay close to the people who have been a constant in your life.” Zayne glances away from you before continuing. “My parents are doctors. They’re busy most of the time. I work around their schedule. But I’m always more relaxed when one of them is at home. It’s natural to want to be around one’s family. Your feelings are completely natural.”
You let out a breath and laugh. “Well geez Dr. Zayne,” you tease. “Thank you for the psychological assessment.”
“Anytime.” He offers you a wry smile. “But I think it’s good you’re taking the initiative to adapt. The most successful people aren’t the smartest, but the most adaptable.”
“Oh? So am I smarter than you?”
“Hardly,” Zayne smirks as you pout, “I happen to be both.”
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Now here you were, senior year finished, the summer that you had hoped would take its time in arriving sitting at your doorstep like a lost puppy begging to be let in. You had opened a window and a cool breeze was blowing past your face. You look out at the neighborhood of Bloomshore, remembering how intimidating it had looked when you first moved here, and now how you could never imagine leaving.
Zayne had returned from his road trip the past summer with a million photos and tales from each city he had visited with his parents. He’d brought back snacks and small trinkets from each place, and every few days, you’d find a postcard from him in the mailbox. You’d saved each one and put them away into a little keepsake box. When he had finally come over after his trip, Josephine had almost giggled herself silly because Zayne had tanned so much during his absence; a lighter ring had formed around his eyes like a raccoon where the sunglasses had perched. You’d laughed when you saw him, and Zayne had merely shook his head in exasperation.
Caleb had returned from camp with a whole new attitude towards his future. He seemed more confident, and couldn’t stop talking about engines and how being in a cockpit felt. Being the extrovert he was, he’d also come back with many new friends, some of whom lived just a few blocks from your house. You had initially disliked these new friends because it intensified the feeling that you had been replaced. Until one of them had mentioned that Caleb always looked at your picture before he fell asleep at night. Caleb had acted nonchalant but a dusting of pink had appeared on his face at the remark.
As you had predicted, Zayne had settled on and formally accepted an offer from one of the colleges. He had decided to attend a prestigious medical university at Snowcrest, a city that you knew was near the Arctic, frigidly cold, with short and mild summers. Although not impossibly far, it was still a long journey to reach Snowcrest, and you had felt some of the hope that was in your chest being crushed. Reminding yourself that you were trying to become a more assertive, independent woman, you had heartily congratulated Zayne while Caleb had teased that it was because Zayne would melt if he continued living in the temperate climate of Linkon City.
Caleb had immediately applied for the program at Deepspace Aviation Administration after coming back and was accepted into their engineering program, news he had received over winter break. You could still remember him dancing around his pajamas early in the morning after reading the email on his phone. He’d barged into your room, startling you from your deep slumber, and scooped you out of bed, spinning you around in his arms as he exuberantly announced his acceptance. Josephine had woken up from the ruckus, making her way up the stairs to investigate, and when she had reached your room, Caleb had tossed you back on your bed before picking up Josephine too, giving a quick circle that lifted her off her feet before carefully putting her back down. They found him baking shortly after; Caleb baked when he was happy.
Although you had applied to your fair share of colleges, you didn’t hear back until spring, and you had sighed in relief when you saw the acceptance letter from Linkon University. It was exactly as you’d hoped. Even though Caleb would need to move to Skyhaven, it was still closer than Snowcrest, meaning you could see him every month if you wanted to.
There was still time before everyone went their separate ways. You knew that yet it felt like time had fallen into a strange vacuum where nothing was happening yet everything was happening all at once. Sometimes your pulse started to skyrocket for no reason at all. Thinking about college made you anxious just as it made you excited. New people, new challenges, the classes, getting lost on campus, all these thoughts swirled in your head like a snow globe being violently shaken.
You knew you’d make friends but there was a pang at the thought of not seeing your best friends. Suddenly it felt like you had taken all these past years for granted. You found yourself reminiscing over small aspects of your friendships with both boys. Like the time you’d turned down Zayne to go to the movies because it was a documentary, or when Caleb had asked for help to paint a model airplane and you’d refused because it was the third model that week. These minor indiscretions now felt like heavy bags of guilt weighing on your conscious.
Perhaps this is why you were all being separated now, you think self-deprecatingly. You had always thought you had forever with them and hadn’t spent enough time with them when they’d asked you. Now you didn’t know when you’d see them next.
A knock on your door disrupts your thoughts and you turn to see Caleb standing there.
“Ready to go?”
“Where?” you ask blankly.
Caleb gives you a questioning look. “To Zayne’s house. He got that new game and asked us to come over remember?”
It takes you a moment to recall, then you put a hand to your forehead. “Yeah, that’s right. I forgot.” You look down at your clothes and decide it’s not worth changing. It was hot outside, and it was Zayne’s house; he’d seen you in rattier things than the denim shorts and T-shirt you were currently wearing. You follow Caleb out of the house, the summer breeze whipping your faces as you walk. Caleb seemed content to walk in silence and after a few yards, you catch hold of his wrist, slowing down his pace.
“Everything ok?” He peers down at you and you nod yes.
“Caleb. I’m sorry for all those times I refused to paint model airplanes with you.”
“What?” There’s levity in Caleb’s voice. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about those model airplanes you built. You asked me to paint them with you and I always found excuses to avoid it. And now I don’t know when we’ll do something like that again.”
Understanding fills Caleb’s expression and he frees his wrist so he can drape his arm over your shoulders. “You’re thinking too much again.”
“Am not.”
“Sure you are. We’re officially done with high school. You’ve been tweaking out about this since last year. How many times do I have to tell you, it’s going to be ok. And it’s not like we’re depending on carrier pigeons to communicate. Text me, call me, a million times a day if you want to. I’ll always reply.”
The feeling of his warm arm on the back of your neck makes you want to pull him into a hug right now. Caleb and Zayne were so different than most boys their age. Neither of them made you regret expressing vulnerability in front of them. You wondered if they would meet someone when they went to college. Zayne would probably get swept off his feet by another medical student. And Caleb…Caleb exuded such candid energy that girls were always drawn to him. The thought made you uncomfortable for some reason and you push it out of your head.
“If this apologizing thing is gonna continue, then please don’t apologize to Zayne for that day I used my evol to hurl snowballs at him through his window.”
You burst out laughing at the memory, Caleb’s gravity control effortlessly pitching snowballs into Zayne’s room while you kept watch for the grown-ups. “We ended up drenching his sheets that day,” you say in a sober voice. “I do feel kind of bad now.”
“What’s a little prank between friends hmm pipsqueak? Like that time Zayne and I let that possum into your room.”
“That was you two?!” You jerk back and Caleb doubles over, cackling. “I screamed so loudly that the poor possum keeled over playing dead! But I thought it had really died and I had killed it! Grandma had to put it outside and then showed me how it got up before I stopped crying!”
Caleb had tears in his eyes as you indignantly frowned at him. “I hate you,” you muttered and continued down the road towards Zayne’s house. Caleb jogs to catch up with you.
“You don’t hate us pipsqueak. You’re going to remember all of this and be reminded that, despite everything, you had a good childhood.” Caleb puts his hand on your head. “I know I will.”
You roll your eyes and keep quiet but know that he was right.
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Several rounds of Mario Kart later, the three of you are sprawled out on the floor in Zayne’s room. Both his parents were on-call that night and were working at the hospital.
“There’s pizza for dinner,” Zayne says lazily as he gazes at the last few rays of the disappearing sun. Although it was well past dinner time, none of you felt hungry. There was something sweet about the calmness of this moment, and no one seemed willing to break it to go down to the kitchen. You’re in between both boys staring at the ceiling fan which was rotating in a hypnotizingly soothing way. The soft whir of the blades was making you drowsy.
“When I was at camp, there were helicopters with blades like 50 times that size. The military choppers are huge.” Caleb says in a relaxed voice. “Can’t believe I’m going to be piloting those things in my third year.”
“Third year? Not after you graduate?” Zayne asks as the sunlight reflects in his amber-green eyes.
“Nah. They start showing us flight basics in the third year. That way we can take the exam in the final year and we’re good to fly right after graduation.”
Zayne hums contemplatingly at the explanation.
“I’m guessing you won’t perform your first operation for another 10 years or so right?” you ask, enjoying the camaraderie.
“They start you off with simple procedures that are low risk. But I want to be a cardiologist. Ten years might not be a bad estimate.” Zayne turns onto his side so that he can look at you. “Do you know what you want to do after graduating college?”
“I just graduated high school. I’ll figure it out along the way. Not everyone has answers about their long-term careers like you guys do.” Zayne gives you a small smile and you chuckle.
“Do you guys remember the summer right after I first moved in?”
“Yeah. We were 6 years old. Why?” Zayne asks.
“Remember I wanted it to snow because it was too hot at the time?”
“Oh yeah. Zayne and I came up with a little trick there didn’t we?” Caleb also rolls to his side and props himself on his elbow. Fondness is etched all over his face at the memory.
“I think I’ll tell that story everywhere I go.” You gaze nostalgically at the ceiling. “My two best friends literally made it snow for me.”
“It was the first time we tested our evols together,” Zayne says reminiscingly. He looks over at Caleb. “Want to do it again?”
“What do you think pipsqueak? Will it make you happy?”
You close your eyes. “It would. If you don’t mind snowflakes falling all over your carpet Zayne.”
“The heat should melt them before they touch the floor.”
The two boys look at each other, and then Zayne extends his palms toward the ceiling. Soft flakes of snow start to form on his palms, and then Caleb points a finger toward Zayne. The snowflakes lose their gravity, delicately floating into the air, and dancing near the ceiling. Both of them hold their evol until the air is filled with them.
“Ready?” Caleb asks, and you can feel joy radiating from him.
“Ready!”
Caleb disengages his evol and the snowflakes make their way back to earth, melting away as they do so. Even at this age, it was still magical, and you feel a sudden constriction in your throat.
“I’ll miss you guys,” you murmur, then hold their hands as the remaining snow starts to fall around the three of you.
“We’ll do this for you whenever we meet,” Zayne says solemnly, observing your expression. You sniff and smile, your eyes overbright. You turn and find yourself face-to-face with Zayne. You hadn’t realized he was so close, and you can see the surprise in his eyes. The world seems to stop spinning, frozen in the moment. In the blink of an eye, without thinking, you lean forward and clumsily press your lips to Zayne’s.
You weren’t sure what you were thinking, but all you knew was that words weren’t enough to describe how much you’d miss him. When you lean back, Zayne’s eyes are wide but he doesn’t look displeased. You reach out to pat his cheek.
“I’ll miss you.”
You hear shuffling on the carpet and suddenly feel warmth against your back as Caleb presses his body against yours. This wasn’t an alien reaction to you; You and Caleb cuddled all the time, even slept in the same bed from time to time since you were kids. But somehow, his breath on the back of your neck was telling you this was different. You feel Caleb’s lips press a soft kiss to your nape and you jerk at the sensation, trying to look at him over your shoulder.
“I’ll miss you too my little one,” Caleb whispers, tipping your face to his by your chin. Enamored by the tenderness of his gaze, you allow him to give you a chaste kiss, your eyes fluttering closed at the feeling.
Your heart races as you become aware that you are sandwiched between Caleb and Zayne, and neither one is moving away. Instead, strong arms, one from each of them, come over your waist, effectively holding you into place.
“Are you ok with this?” Zayne murmurs into your ear. “Us showing you that we’ll miss you?” Your eyes squeeze closed as you realize you have just experienced your first kiss. Correction. Kisses. Your face turns red under their watchful gazes but right now, you were consumed with the idea of being in this moment for as long as you could.
“Yes.” You whisper the word out loud.
Hearing your breathless consent, both of them move impossibly closer, and you gasp as you feel Caleb softly kiss your ear. “Tell us if you want to stop.” His warm breath tickles the sensitive skin and you squirm.
Zayne strokes your arm and it sends tingles down your spine. You feel yourself going light-headed at their touch. They feel safe, and your mind enters into a state of connection. You can hear their heartbeats, the low, masculine sighs welling up from their throats as their hands gently explore the contours of your body over your clothes.
Your legs were the most exposed part of you, the shorts having ridden up from all the movement playing video games, and rolling around on the carpet. It’s Zayne who boldly touches your knee first, sending a jitter of electricity up into your core. The blood rushes to your ears, and you almost jump as Caleb chuckles before sinking his teeth into one of the lobes. The little nip was unfamiliar, but it felt good and your hand grips the front of Zayne’s T-shirt as the minor sting passes.
“Are you feeling hot?” Caleb moves some hair away from your shoulder to kiss and lick the crook of your neck. “Your ears are so red right now.” His words cause you to flush. Your skin felt uncomfortably warm, and your heart was pounding inside your chest as their hands stroked every inch of you. A strange throb was beginning to make itself present between your legs now; it was in time to your heartbeat, as though your sex had developed a rapid pulse of its own. You move to try and get comfortable and your panties chafe against your folds.
“What is it? Zayne sneaks his hand over your waist and onto your back, his head leaning forward to press a kiss to your forehead.
“I feel…” your voice trails as you struggle to find words to describe it. “Light. But also…strained? Like I’m hot everywhere. And tingly.” You knew you must have sounded ridiculous but Zayne gives a comforting pat on the small of your back.
“Arousal,” he murmurs, pushing your hair away from your face. “All the signs point to that. According to my pre-med textbooks anyway.”
“Oh…”
Arousal.
You’d learned that word in biology but you had never thought about what the implications of it would be in the real world. Zayne peppers your face with small kisses and your eyes flutter shut as they reach your cheeks, your chin, the tip of your nose, and then finally your lips. He hovers uncertainly for a second before he does so, and it feels like a little light has been ignited inside of you. His lips were soft, warm, and unparted. Gaining courage, and your curiosity getting the better of you, you open your mouth and hear a groan issue from Zayne. Experimentally you give him your tongue, exploring the crevices of his mouth, and feel a delicious, liquidy pull, in your lower abdomen. Excitement pulses through your body as Zayne’s tongue timidly touches yours, participating in the erotic dance as you kiss.
Caleb has now left kisses all over your neck and shoulders, and you can feel his hands starting to grow mischievous and he walks them along the front of your collarbone, starting to stroke down on the swells of flesh under your Tshirt but not daring to cup them completely.
You and Zayne part and his eyes are smoldering, green embers growing in the irises. “I don’t want to continue this on the floor.”
Your brain is in a haze and it takes a second for you to register what he had said, and you hasten to move, but are prevented from doing so as Caleb hooks his arms under your upper body, and Zayne gently cradles your legs from the knees below. They lovingly move you to the bed and resume their positions on either side of you.
The softness of the bed is alluring, and all of you sink into it, you feel their hands flirting with the edge of your T-shirt. Feeling shy, you glance up at them and raise your arms. Taking your cue, Zayne pulls off the garment, then he and Caleb follow suit, discarding their shirts with yours. You drink in the sight of their bare upper bodies. You had seen them half-naked before when you’d gone to the pool and the beach with them, seen their bodies wet with water and sweat. But the longing and hunger in their eyes as they looked at you made it feel like you were seeing them differently; now as men rather than childhood companions.
Goosebumps form over your skin as your upper half is exposed to them, and you tentatively reach out to put a hand on each of their chests. They tremble at your touch, and the knowledge emboldens you, knowing they were as affected by you as you were by them. The direct skin-on-skin contact was soothing, their warm, firm bodies pressing up against your softness. Caleb traces a finger along the inner crease of your cleavage, then looks at you for permission. You nod, curving towards him so he can unhook your bra. A mixture of nervous excitement fills you as the small piece of fabric slips off your body and you quickly cling to Caleb, hiding your breasts from view.
He strokes your hair, pressing a kiss to your temple. “It’s ok my little one. I’m sure you’re beautiful.”
You feel a persistent ache in your breasts and press up against Caleb’s hard chest, surprised at how the ache lessens as you do so. Caleb lets out a low, guttural groan, and at the same time, Zayne closes in to kiss down your back, licking random little lines on your skin that have you pressing deeper into Caleb’s body. You gasp and wriggle in surprise as Zayne bites down on the curve of your waist, then soothes the bite with his thumb.
“Won’t you let us see you?” Zayne’s deep voice requests you, and feeling like you’d burst into flames from the embarrassment, you finally let go of Caleb and lie back on the bed, covering your eyes with your hands as you do so. You hear their collective breaths being drawn as they take in the view of your soft breasts, the nipples hard from their affections.
“How cute,” you hear Caleb growl. Your breath catches in your throat as you feel your breasts being cupped and squeezed, and then suddenly, light floods your vision as Caleb tugs your hand away from your eyes.
“Aw look at you. You’re blushing.” He teases but it’s said with gentleness. Zayne watches your expressions intently, and you let out a moan of pleasure as they continue to play with your breasts.
“Are you enjoying it?” Zayne’s voice cuts through the buzz in your head and you nod, a heady twirl of sensation shooting up your spine. Your toes curl into the mattress as they mindfully pull your nipples, feeling your arousal grow as they do so. You nod breathlessly at Zayne’s question and feel an urgent pulsing between your legs. You’re desperate to touch and relieve yourself. You were no stranger to pleasuring yourself after all but could you do it with these two watching?
The thought sends an arrow of lust straight into the deepest depths of your core. You’re about to speak up but all that comes out is a noise of desire as Caleb licks your nipple, savoring the taste of your skin before suckling the little bud into his mouth. Zayne repeats the action on the other side and you feel like you can’t catch your breath, each soft suck sending you into a dizzying spiral. You feel like nothing is solid under you like you’re floating on a cloud, where the only thing that existed was the sweet stimulation of their mouths on your body. You try to discreetly rub your aching clit against your panties, the barely there friction making you feel like you might go insane.
You shiver as Caleb releases your moistened peak, caressing your hair and kissing his way down to your navel. Both their large hands stroke the length of your legs, intensifying the need building inside your core. Your nails sink into the covers as you quiver under their touch.
“Feeling ok?” Zayne cups your cheek as he notices your tension. You crack your eyes open and nod.
“I feel hot. I need…I need to…” You blush as you try to form the words.
“What?” Caleb prompts you and moves back up to take your hands, stroking your palms. “Tell us.”
I need…more…” you manage to say, then gasp as Zayne ghosts your belly button before his hand dips below the waistband of your shorts. Your breath hitches as he strokes the soaked gusset of your panties, just a few inches shy of your clit.
“Show us.” Caleb catches your lips in an unexpected kiss.
Zayne’s hand withdraws and he slides down your shorts over your legs, little ripples of electricity running through your body as he does so.
“You’re so wet.” Caleb’s voice is laced with arousal as he moves toward your feet and sees the patch of moisture on your panties.
“It’s natural,” Zayne reassures you and squeezes your hand and you nod, your embarrassment giving away to your instincts. Your hips raise slightly as Caleb removes your panties, displaying your swollen sex to their eyes. Zayne moves next to Caleb as you part your legs, and take a finger into your leaking core, drawing up the slick towards your clit. Whimpers leave you as you stroke light circles onto the swollen bud.
“That’s so hot,” Caleb says as he watches the erotic view in front of him. Zayne quietly observes you for a few minutes, then you feel a jolt burst through you as he reaches his fingers into your drenched folds and copies your moves.
“Like this?”
“Y-Yes…” you whisper breathlessly, your legs parting shamelessly to allow him better access. The pads of his fingertips were gentle, and the sensation of someone else touching you was so starkly different from when you did it. The air becomes balmy, and you writhe passionately under his gentle ministrations.
“Such a good girl for us.” Caleb strokes your thighs and you moan as your hips roll, trying to reap all the pleasure you can get. Your feet plant into the mattress and suddenly, you feel a different set of fingers, a little thicker than Zayne’s, softly probing at the wetness of your core.
“Breathe for me baby girl.” You hear Caleb’s encouragement and breathe deeply as he inserts his fingers into you. It was done carefully but you were already lucidly wet and his fingers sink in with ease. Your moans start to keen as Caleb slowly strokes your inner walls, his movements uncertain but soft as he watches your face for discomfort. Zayne continues circling your clit and the sensations from both of them were driving you mad.
You feel yourself clench, your body tensing under their tender ministrations, pleasurable mewls filling the air as they work your body to the edge. The separate sensations were unlike anything you could have ever imagined in your wildest fantasies. Even when you’d touched yourself before, you’d imagined a faceless stranger. But now with these two, it was even more heady than you could imagine.
“Don’t stop.” You pant as you feel your body tip into the abyss. They don’t relent and keep up the pace and your eyes squeeze closed in ecstasy as an orgasm builds and explodes inside you. Your body quakes from the pulses of delight flowing through you and your sobs fill the quiet bedroom as you fall apart, a puddle of tangled, sensual desire.
“How was it?” Your chest rises and falls as you try to catch your breath and you see Caleb curiously lick at his fingers, tasting the fluid collected from your body. The sight was so lewd and yet arousing, and you can’t help but stare as he cleans up his digits.
“Good it was…good.”
Caleb turns away and you see him fiddling with the fabric of his sweats and something clicks in your head. “Are you both…?”
You glance down and Zayne doesn’t try to hide it, but he averts his eyes shyly as you see the hard bulge in his shorts. Slowly, you roll over and crawl over to them. “Can I see?” you ask curiously, and a nervous glance flashes over their faces before they oblige. Your eyes widen as their cocks spring free of their confines, thick, veiny, and pulsing with heat.
Your hands move automatically, reaching out to stroke them, and both of them hiss at your touch, your small, soft hands already pushing their inexperienced bodies toward the edge of bliss. You’re surprised at the firmness, and the velvety the skin was stretched over their arousals. Growing bold, you give a slight squeeze, and both of them groan, the noises heavy with want.
It emboldens you, hearing the desperation in their voices, seeing the way drops of pearlescent fluid start to form in their slits. Your mind craved to know what they tasted like, how their desire might feel on your tongue. Leaning forward, you cautiously taste Caleb first. His abdomen tightens, a low moan escaping from him and he grips the covers.
“Ca-careful…” he says in a trembling voice. You hear the thin restraint in his words and repeat the action on Zayne, tongue darting out to sample him. Zayne lets out a huff followed by what sounded like a snarl.
Drunk with the power you held over them, you continued to test their boundaries, sampling, sucking, giving soft kitten licks, never taking more than a few inches of them into your mouth at a time. Their patience was wearing thin and their eyes had a primal haze to them when you dared to look up.
Caleb jerks you away from him, momentarily stunning you before you’re wrapped up in his strong arms, and he pins you underneath him, his erection grazing your thigh as he does so. His body was like a furnace and you nuzzle your face into his chest, his heart beating like a caged bird in his chest. He moans as he pushes his hips against you, trying to soothe the ache in his cock.
Zayne shifts towards your head, his facade of control slipping as lust pours into his system. You reach out a hand to stroke him again and he bites his lip, eyes fluttering closed.
“I think…I’m ready,” you say quietly and 2 pairs of eyes fixate on you.
“Are you sure?” Caleb’s tone is ragged as he tries to control himself from being selfish.
You nod and stroke his hair with your free hand. “I’m positive. With you two…I’m not scared.”
Caleb laughs nervously. “Got us all wired up here baby girl. You think this is something I have practice with?”
You sense his insecurity and murmur, “It doesn’t really matter.”
Caleb takes a deep breath, then moves, your legs spreading apart as he adjusts, grabbing his cock and probing around near your entrance. You tense slightly and feel Zayne move so that he can put your head on his lap. He strokes your face, then leans down to kiss you, easing your worries, and you feel your core flutter in anticipation.
Caleb finally notches in, and he pushes with care, pausing as he hears a muffled gasp escape from you, spilling into Zayne’s mouth. The sensation was strange, it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as you thought it would, but it wasn’t the most comfortable either. It felt like unused muscles were being stretched inside you, then suddenly…you were split apart and he was there, filling an unfamiliar cavern that had been untouched all these years.
“Fuck…” he hisses as he feels the tightness of your walls, the wet clench of them around his cock. Caleb’s movements are shaky as he soaks in the glorious feeling of your body, not daring to push too far in for fear of losing control. Your eyes are clouding over as you gaze up at Zayne’s face, your body rocking with each of Caleb’s thrusts. You moan loudly as he dares to bottom out once, then he quickly pulls out, his breathing shallow.
“I can’t…Not in you…” he mumbles, then starts to pump himself in his hand. You cup Zayne’s cheek, and understanding, he moves carefully between your legs. He kisses your pubic bone, and like Caleb, strokes himself before using his hand to guide himself inside you. You were prepared for the sensation this time but marveled at how different Zayne felt inside you compared to Caleb. Your pussy stretches and accommodates him easily, the muscles relaxed and loose as he enters.
Zayne brushes away hair from your face, his movements tender like Caleb’s and just as inexperienced. To you, however, they felt amazing, and you’re in awe of the human body, the way it could feel and bask in these sweet feelings and touches. Zayne’s breath grows ragged with each passing thrust and all too soon, he’s pulling out as well.
The sight of both them pumping their lengths, of knowing you put them in this frenzied sexual haze, stroked your ego. Caleb lets go first, his nose scrunching up in pleasure as he releases his load, the warm sticky fluid splattering on your belly as it happens. Zayne follows not too long after, jets of seed spilling out of his swollen tip to join Caleb’s.
The rest of the night was a blur. You remember being carried to the shower, by which one, you couldn't remember. They had washed you, murmuring how you’d be their girl forever. After helping you dry off, Zayne had lent you a change of clothes, and you fallen asleep wearing his hoodie and shorts, both of which were baggy and loose. It was past midnight when Caleb had roused you, reminding you that you needed to get back to Grandma’s house. He packed your clothes into a plastic bag, and after you had hugged and kissed Zayne goodnight one more time, he’d held your hand on the way home. Once back at your own home, Caleb had led you to his bed, and held you snugly against him as you fell asleep once more.
It was the perfect ending to the summer. You felt deeply content and sighed against Caleb’s chest. It was rare to find one person that loved you so wholly but two? That was nothing short of a miracle.
જ⁀➴જ⁀➴જ⁀➴
~End Flashback~
The group of women were gazing at you in wonder, their cheeks flushed as the wine they’d been sipping intoxicated their system. Tara’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates.
“And?” she prompts in an awed hush as you conclude your story.
“And what?”
“Don’t play dumb!” Tara pouts. “Where are they? Are you guys…in a poly situation?” Shr grins slyly.
Her question makes your heart twist painfully. Trying to keep your composure, you finish the rest of your wine. Taking a deep breath, you say the final, painful, part of the story.
“My grandma’s house was blown up during the attack on Bloomshore district last year.”
Tara’s eyes change from teasing to horrified. “I’m so sorry!” She covers her mouth as the rest of the group becomes somber at your admission.
“My grandma and Caleb didn’t survive the blast.” Your voice trembles.
“And…Zayne?” Tara’s voice is hushed.
“Zayne and I lost touch. He used to send letters regularly then, his last one to me, stated that he’d been asked to be part of a research program for developing a cure for Protocore Syndrome. It was some sort of high-clearance project, privately funded. He stopped writing after that.”
“No!” Tara looks absolutely beside herself. “So Zayne is alive…but you don’t know where he is?”
You shake your head no and excuse yourself, escaping to the balcony. None of the women follow you and you’re grateful for the moment of privacy. The night wind whips your hair and you breathe it in, the air feeling fortifying despite the chill.
The seasons might change, but to you, they’re all the same. In your mind, you’re stuck in a perpetual state of summer, the memories of your two lovers echoing through your mind.
© unintentionalseductress original work | no copying, plagiarizing or translating
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#love and deepspace#love and deepspace zayne#lads#lads zayne#zayne x mc#zayne x reader smut#zayne x reader#zayne smut#lads zayne x reader#zayne x you#zayne fic#lads smut#zayne love and deepspace#love and deepspace smut#l&ds smut#caleb#caleb love and deepspace#caleb lnds#love and deepspace caleb#lads caleb#caleb smut#caleb x reader#lnds smut#ncs#ncs scribbles
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i thought i might redesign star so these r concepts for outfits, i'll probs keep the usual one, but the other ones will also probs be used for stuff. might do slight changes to the original fit tho, like i've done in the 3rd drawing
was also testing sythe designs, dunno which i'll go w, or maybe i'll go w both and they r both from diff points in the timeline? idk, i'll figure it out lol
#02c art#digital art#art#original character#star shifter#also tested different hair colourings for funsies#these r all subject to change btw#also decided to add in a bit of star's shape shifting#which is y she has wings in 1 of the drawings#i rlly like the top row#and the sythe designs :D#both sythes r kinda covered tho lol
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